#but from feb to may i usually feel so happy. i really love the way everything gets so green and flowers bloom

[lavender---sunshine]

There's something about spring that fills me with childlike wonder and excitement but its kinda weird to feel that while also struggling to pay my taxes on time idk

[claudiajcregg]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by both @mihrsuri and @unseenacademic 💜💜💜 Thank you so much! I actually wrote up most of the answers the day I was tagged, and then forgot to post them. For over 10 days, probably. Me bad.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 23! (One of them is a 'collection' of short ficlets, and has 6 chapters. So 28 stories in 23 works so far. Probably about to be more stories in still 23 works.)

2. What's your total Ao3 word count? 156,597 words. For now.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently? Just TWW. Who knows in the future!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

They have about 35% of my total kudos, but the first two are ~21% alone. (The first one is the only fic that has over 100 kudos. Then again, any of them getting above 30 is a miracle.)

maybe everything's just turning out how it should be (Big Block of Cheese 2008; CJ & Josh. Posted Feb 2021) [121]

say it's here where our pieces fall in place (Vignettes, 1998-2008. Posted Jan 2022.) [66]

just your smile lit a sixty-watt bulb in my house that was darkened for days (Thanksgiving 2006. Posted Dec 2022.) [55]

nobody knows how to get back home (Missing scene from ITSOTG. Posted April 2023) (wait what. top 4?!) [50]

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it (B4A Campaign Fic, spring 1998. Posted May 2021) [47]

5. Do you respond to comments?

YES. I don't take them for granted, and I like interacting with my readers. Sharing is nerve-wracking and makes me feel so exposed, so any comment makes it worth it. I like to thank peeps for their time! As of late, it's taking me weeks to get back to comments for Brain/spoons reasons (and because I try to do so in order, though not always). I sometimes feel bad I have fallen behind on leaving my own comments, so replying to what I get makes me feel bad. I love getting the rare, long, thoughtful comments, because I love seeing what people pick up on (had to restrain myself from commenting on everything), so if that one's up next… It'll delay everything. I have a harder time letting go of those.

I know replying or not is a hot topic, and I fall on the side of 'whatever the author does is fine' (I see them as being voluntary gifts to the author, kinda, but I understand why some authors can't or won't reply! Especially those who get dozens.). It does feel weird(ly demoralizing) when you see that yours is one of a couple of comments they haven't replied to, though. (Selfishly, as someone who tries to write medium-long comments, lack of anything can sting. It's irrational, it's not what I'm after, but it'd be nice to know whether that hour plus of my time was worth it. It's not transactional and I hate that c4c idea or whatever. Just. weird feelings.)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

As we've established in previous similar memes (lol, I think I've answered these questions before), my fics don't really have angsty endings! For the most part. I think I said don't want you to go but I'll be okay then, and I can still buy that/definitely popped into my brain. I think some of my late S7 fics have an ominous feel to them, with some references/buildup to the angsty parts of IM, but I wouldn't call them angsty endings.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Um. The opposite is true! still you never took your hand from mine was my first thought, but I feel like oh, and I will be with you to feel the California sun is pretty darn happy. I could have picked almost any of them and I could make a case for them!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I luckily do not. I have gotten a couple of comments that have messed with my brain, and made me second-guess things, but they were not hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, but not regularly and not that well. It's usually short, mild scenes at most, but I did challenge myself to write a more explicit one last summer, especially after I got those 'one bed' tropes in the Wheel but didn't go there in the 500-word limit. Streets say it's hot. IDK. I also wrote a smutty continuation to the exchange fic. Best if we forget parts of that one happened. I also started writing one that would be in my S5 pregnancy universe but 🤐

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't. But this question confirms to me I have answered this before because I know I've joked about how TV has already done that for me, lmao. See: Bones/Sleepy Hollow.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? (I had to track down this question because it wasn't anywhere.) I don't think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! I'm having déjà vu here. I know I have answered this before: I could do it myself! But I have a feeling it wouldn't be as easy as one might think, but I'd be honored.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I don't think so…? If I have, it was years ago, in my forum/LJ days. I've been trying to make it happen for a while now, but who knows if it'll ever happen. WE HAVE IDEAS. We want to make it happen. (Wink wink, nudge nudge. You know who.)

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Spaceships are so cool. Atlantis was the first space shuttle I saw in person (and also the one I've seen the most) and it and its exhibit are awesome. I'm only missing Discovery out of the four space shuttles, because I didn't go to the second National Air and Space Museum location in Virginia back in 2015. And once the new exhibit center is completed, I'd love to see Endeavour again.

(In all seriousness, I don't have one. Booth and Brennan will forever and always hold a special place in my heart, but I love CJ and Danny so much, writing for them, their journey. Pls don't make me pick.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am a big 'never say never' person, because I end up picking stuff up (and maybe rewriting it to fit my current style/ability) if I remember an idea… But I'm guessing many of them won't get finished. Probably some of those that are deep in my notes app or on the drive.

16. What are your writing strengths? I (try to) dig into the emotion of a scene as best as I can.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Everything else? I know it sounds like an excuse (at least to my ears), but writing in your second language is hard. I know my writing sounds limited because of it – my descriptions will never be as evocative as I wish they were, my dialogue won't be there. I am not the most imaginative person, either.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If it makes sense, and won't take the reader out of the story, go for it! (A few words, or a line or two, might work if there's appropriate context.)

But also, as a non-native speaker, I'll always recommend using pals who might be fluent in that language and checking with them! I know that, throughout my many years in fandom, I've read quick things in Spanish within English fics that weren't entirely correct in the context they were being used (i.e. character's fluency, smaller details), and they took me out for a second. (I know, I know – pot, meet kettle. If anyone has read an unedited story of mine, they've found me making up English phrases.)

19. First fandom you wrote for? Bones. In Spanish. (I also think I wrote some ficlets in English that are probably hidden in some random LJ comm I created for my writing. They're probably 14-15 years old.)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I honestly cannot pick! And maybe it's yet to come. But basically, if I've gone through the embarrassment of having someone edit/beta a fic and catch all the avoidable mistakes, it's because it genuinely has something I like about it and that I think others will like, too. (Perceived quality aside.)

Off the top of my head, and out of the posted fics (obvious recency bias, sorry). I have a story for all 23… Also, let's consider I've mostly not read them since they were posted so I might be off. (Would love to hear what everyone's favorite is, if you've read any and are reading this!) Obviously, that top 5 by kudos has great ones. There's a reason

don't want you to go but I'll be okay: I just remember finishing it and knowing it was something special. Felt like many things coming together. I wanted to write angstier, a break from the endgame of the IM AU I've yet to post, and I think it works. I had had that quote as inspo for a while, and I think the trip to Berlin put it back on my mind. (The first haunted by the notion draft is from around this time, too!)

your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep: the structure is likely a tad repetitive, maybe (but also, the point of 3+1s, sort of?) but I love writing in that s7 period, and there should be more fic with the press corps. I think the stuff I wrote while editing (which included an overhaul of the +1) is even better than what was there.

oh, and I will be with you to feel the California sun: recency bias, yes. I love a good early Cali story, and even if this was nowhere the story I sat down to write originally, I love how it turned out. It's silly but fun, and so sunny.

still you never took your hand from mine: I will always have all the soft spots for my memoir stories, even if two of them have yet to be posted. This one doubled its size a year and a half after “finishing” it because I realized what it was missing. It's sappy, probably unrealistic re: the publishing industry, but damn it if it's not one of those that have made me cry while editing them.

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it: I had to include an oldie but goodie from my first year, and this one is so special to me. (Along with BBC 2008, which I also absolutely adore. That was the fic I always wanted to post. Hilarious it was third. But it's also my most popular fic by a huge margin.) Seeing it recommended on Tumblr? God. I love campaign stories and all their potential. I love that I took a random line from some unposted story and it evolved into this fic.

nobody knows how to get back home: I almost added the most recent one because of how fun it was to write (or, as I mentioned above, Big Block of Cheese) but I like how bittersweet this missing scene one is. I find CJ's internal struggle so interesting to explore, and this is one of her most vulnerable moments. I also wanted to see a hug so badly.

[alexenglish]

ao3 wrapped (alexenglish edition)

stole this ask meme with the intent of using it as a writing retrospect! please enjoy if you enjoy.

fic round-up ♡ AO3 ♡ writing tag

How many words have you written this year? give or take 60-75k, i'm honestly not sure how many words i have between all my wip docs... my wip folder for my one published wip has three or so docs dedicated to graveyard and rewritten work. i'm suffering profoundly, but i am persevering - i think.

How many works did you publish this year? 5 individual ao3 works, and a short prompt collection with prompt ficlets from twitter.

did notice i feel limited while filling twitter prompts (character restriction, screenshotting, additional character restriction for alt text after screen shots bleh) - my fills are about half the word count of what i would usually do if i was on tumblr, so i think i will be bringing writing short prompts back to the good ol' askbox here.

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? without question, my favorite fic from this year is if you let me i might say too much (2min, t, 8.5k). i accidentally wrote a fic with such a lovely, strong sense of identity. some of my best setting and backgrounding work. just a tight little short story that i adore. i'm beyond happy with it and love the way readers love her as well!

What work of yours has the most hits? & let me kiss you (binsung, t, ch1/2 14.7k) ✊😔

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? probably & let me kiss you! really delighted that people are still leaving comments on it and hoping it'll continue (me too!) haven't gotten any demanding or pushy comments to continue it, just a lot of gentle appreciation, which i'm grateful for hehe

Favorite title you used the mouth of the sun (chanlix, e, 10.7k). i found this phrasing in my poetry tag (where i go when i don't have a song lyric to use). when i looked it up, the real poem might be 'the mountain of the sun' - though i didn't investigate very far past the first few search results. i shrugged my shoulders and thought: 'mouth' is better.

i love 'mouth of the sun' as a combination of a lot of things: felix as skz's sunshine, felix as chan's sun - sunshine, happiness, the dizzying center of his own universe & the toxic ways that manifests for them in the fic - the icarus metaphor i used in fic, this idea of flying too close to the sun & how chan uses it to illustrate how his desire is obvious to those around them and it burns him with how he willingly gets close to felix; the way he flew too close to the sun when he propositioned felix before the events of the fic and got rejected. then the icarus metaphor more largely in the truth and in vinos veritas themes of the fic: the mouth of the sun, literally felix's mouth, that can't stop speaking and chan flying too closely by asking felix to elaborate on his awful truths, burning himself over and over again because he's desperate to know more in the moment and after, during the scene where felix is sober.

If you use song lyrics, which artist's songs did you pull from the most? used lyrics from all different artists, but excited to announce the planned sequel to & let me kiss you also is a 1d lyric title, and the decided series name is, you guessed it, also a 1d lyric <3

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? binsung! my binsung! my best and favorite boys~

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? again, binsung

What work was the quickest to write? one plus one equals one (jilix, t, 2.1k) - this actually started as a twitter fic thread for their bdays, but i'm nothing if not a wordy bitch, but i knocked it out in like 4 hours which was great!

What work took you the longest to write? i started &lmky in... february 2022... maybe... and published chapter one in may, because i am a fool, and it's still not done so! excited to see if i can complete it before it turns a year old (may, NOT feb)

How many WIP's do you have in your docs for next year? technically only two - &lmky and the sequel! my teeth and ambitions are not bared. keep expectations low and everything else is a nice surprise.

What's your longest work of the year? & let me kiss you, queen

What's your shortest work of the year? one plus one equals one

What's your most common "Additional Tags" tag? "canon compliant" (in the way that 'canon' is working knowledge of idol life and not in the 'this is definitely real' way, thanks)

Your favorite character to write this year? jisung is super fun and easy for me in a lot of ways and his ships are my faves, but i really loved writing chan for the mouth of the sun, there's something so diabolical about getting to write an overly sympathetic unreliable narrator who is actually the cause of Problems. most readers will not see that at all (and they did not), but writing him was [chef's kiss]

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? my povs were very easy, but minho in &lmky is the most unwieldy motherfucker. he's not in chapter 1, but all my chapter 2 angst stems directly from the fact that he and jisung have the most whack conversations that i have to redact and rewrite because they're serving NO purpose. can't wait to get him laid in the sequel, maybe he'll calm down.

What's one pairing you want to explore next year? hyunho is the ship for the famed &lmky sequel, and it's gunna be so fucking glorious. i might be looking forward to it more than i am looking forward to finishing &lmky (mostly because i'm at the point with &lmky that's like DEAR GOD WHEN WILL I BE INSPIRED versus the hyunho barely exists so i'm floating on my back in the glittering pool of imagination about it)

Which work of yours have you reread the most? if you let me i might say too much, she really is my beloved!

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 961, and i'm eating them ALL. i am warm and well fed! 🥰🥰🥰

Which work has the most comments? proud of myself for remembering to check the comment thread stat and not just look at the total number and divide by two: & let me kiss you

Did you do any collaborative works this year? @clarz and I co-wrote a beautiful and wonderful secret gift for @sodapopblues and it was easily the most fun i had writing all year!

Did you write any gifts this year? this is probably the first year i didn't gift a fic to someone on ao3 wow! did previously mentioned collab with clara for erin, and did record my very first podfic for clara for her birthday, i love u clara mwah

Did you receive any gifts this year? my lovely excellent and highly talented friend @unseelie-siren/ @pxssnelke was SICK and did a pod of & let me kiss you and completely surprised me, AND wrote two banger fics for me: i just make it easy (minbin, e, 3k) and big things come in small packages (changjun, t, 2.6k). i hope my muse is up to task this year so i can give a little back to fae for faer's kindness 😘

What's your most common category? M/M

What do you listen to while writing? Study Music Alpha Waves: Relaxing Studying Music, Brain Power, Focus Concentration Music, ☯161

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? hands down, the studio kiss scene at the end of the first chapter of & let me kiss you. the tension. that changbin. it's crazymaking. i'm obsessed with that changbin above all else.

Biggest surprise while writing this year? writing chanlix! despite being my first skz ship, i'm largely neutral on their dynamic - and then disparaging of the way it tends to manifest in fic - so it's moved out of even my top 10 skz ships. my personal meta about them has always been trying to dig into the stuff i feel is deeply out of sync in their dynamic, which is what compels me but never really enough, until felix basically tackled chan and gave him a footrub and then immediately abandoned him when changbin interrupted, and THEN i saw a bunch of weird and whack discourse about how felix doesn't top chan (HA! HA!), that i was like ah i simply must write a subversive fic within a trope i've been eager to write for awhile (sex pollen is among my good friend quinn @fleetwooded's favorite tropes! i wanted to take a swing at it). at first it was only going to be a love triangle, maybe with a hopeful ending, but as soon as it started i realized there was a thread of bad feelings i had to follow through to the end and i'm very happy i did.

THE END! feel free to steal this idea, since i stole it, and if you steal it and do a little retrospect yourself, feel free to send it to me/ tag me! love everyone's writing thoughts mwah!

[tlatia-the-radiant]

Hello! This is the person behind the blog speaking out of character!

I want to start this by saying that this blog is NOT endorsed by the original creator of Tlatia, one Brother Dougal on the Bolter and Chainsword forums. I sent them a message and they still have not responded to me as I'm writing this post, one week after I originally messaged them. (Update: It's been like two months. Still no response.) (Second Update, as of 19 Feb. 2024: It has now been several months. Still no response.)

I am, however, trying my best to keep this in-line with Tlatia's characterization and the Dawn Legion's lore as I understand it. Obviously, I don't have all the details, but I'm trying my best. If you want lore, just ask; I'm more than happy to explain!

This post is the organisation for the Dawn Legion that I work with.

A few quick rules before going further.

Yes, I am fine with NSFW stuff, if you DM me and ask first. I promise I will not look down on you for asking.

Caveat to me being fine with NSFW stuff; certain characters are taken or are otherwise unavailable, and some of them have defined sexualities. If you're not sure, feel free to ask.

Please don't kill my characters without clearing it with me first. My lil girls are soldiers, and sometimes they may die, but I want to have a say in that.

Please don't godmode. If you need my characters to do A Thing, message me about it. I know I have a problem with godmoding; it's something I'm working on. If you feel I'm being too restrictive please tell me. I promise, tell me how you want the story to work out and we can work towards it together.

I am diagnosed with ADHD and on occasion you can really tell. If I make a formatting mistake, that's why. I can barely remember to tag things sometimes.

If you find that what I do just isn't for you, feel free to unfollow me, block me, whatever you want. You curate your experience, not mine, and vice versa.

This blog is run by a sapphic bisexual trans woman with a complicated gender. If you have issues with any of that—leave now and only come back once you're a better person.

With that out of the way: Tagging!

I tend to fast-reblog a lot, so not every post will be tagged.

"Tlatia Answers" is the ask tag, for all that good dialogue.

"Chronicles of the Lost Legion" is the writing tag, for any short stories I decide to post. This is where you'll get the deeper Dawn Legion lore and see how Tlatia reacts in modern 40k canon.

"Stories of Lost Time" is also a writing tag, but for 30k instead of 40k. These stories will be about what Tlatia was like before she left the Imperium; her life, her actions, the actions of her siblings, and so on. You might even catch glimpses of her love life if you look hard enough.

"Hope Springs Eternal || Warmaster AU" is the tag dedicated to, well, the Warmaster AU created by the wonderful @kcnhub. Aurelius, Primarch of the Second Legion, returns and retakes his mantle as the Warmaster. Naturally, shenanigans ensue, and since Tlatia is both the sibling he's closest with and completely unrepentant about abandoning the Imperium she has rather complicated feelings about this. Trust me, it's good.

"A Better World || Real Life AU" is my tag for the Real World universe that @warpcursed, @kcnhub and myself developed. In it, the Primarchs are all DnD characters developed by veterans as a method of dealing with their trauma. Tlatia is Tanya Farou, a former JTF2 combat medic who received the Victoria Cross for taking four bullets while treating wounded soldiers and only passing out after the fourth bullet broke her arm.

"Sunlight in Darkness || World of Darkness AU" is the tag for whenever, instead of 40k, we're writing about the World of Darkness (you may know it from Hunter: the Parenting or Vampire: the Masquerade). Tlatia becomes Tia, a Redeemer Hunter that managed to charm a Toreador into trying and eventually succeeding in reaching Golconda.

"Sight of the Singer" is my reblog tag. These are usually unrelated to the Dawn Legion and are instead me gushing over friend's writing.

"OOC Housekeeping" is what it says on the tin; blog maintenance and IRL updates and whatnot. (If I have any major delays in addressing your stuff, I'll try and post why under this tag. I'm a college student. It'll happen eventually.)

"Banter" is for any snippy back-and-forth with other RP blogs. It'll be less canon-driven and more meme-filled, and how the conversations happen might not make a whole lot of sense, but it's still RP, so I'll still keep it true to Tlatia's character. Mostly.

"NSFW" is self-explanatory. It's anything about sex or non-medical nudity. (Some of my characters are medics, so medical nudity may come up; it'll never be explicit beyond vague descriptions like "chest wounds".)

This post will be updated as this blog evolves.

For the Dream, the Outcast, and the Emperor!

[alby-rei]

Whatever It Takes (Leonardo x Reader)

a/n: Remember when Leonardo’s family was a major obstacle in his route? Me neither! So now they’re a problem. It’s about time we brought it up with Leo. Different from my usual, which is all about the ✨ UwUs ✨ but I thought I’d give it a shot hehe. Inspired by @xxsycamore’s and @chaosangel767’s Be My Valentine, Prompt Feb. 14: “No matter what anyone says, you’re perfect for me.” 

[Characters]: You, Leonardo, Comte

[Word count]: ~1200 words

[Tags]: Hurt/comfort, marriage, family, drama, anxious reader   

~*~

The tall windows of the mansion hallway illuminated your anxious figure outside Leonardo’s room. You stood face-to-face with the door that kept you away from your beloved, consciously aware of the passage of time while you remained indecisive.

Earlier today, the topic of marriage was brought up between you, Leonardo, and le Comte. Up until that point, you hadn’t felt the weight of the topic until you stepped away from the conversation. You and Leonardo were a couple for over a year now and even promised to spend your lives together, despite how different your lifespans were. ‘Naturally, The next step would be marriage then, is it not?’ you thought.

“Let’s get married,” he said.

The confidence with which he spoke touched your heart and made it swell with joy. But there was a great looming shadow behind this decision. Getting engaged to Leonardo, a pureblood vampire, meant that you would have a big red target on your back aimed by his family.

Leonardo rarely ever spoke of his family. The few times he did gave you enough hints that his didn’t align with them on a fundamental level. Hence why he was always traveling and residing in different cities every couple of decades. Leonardo loved surrounding himself with humans, and his resourcefulness made him instantly popular. But word travels fast when you’re the town’s favorite handyman. Sooner or later, word of his location would travel to the ears of those who wished to use him for their own gain. They have yet to make their presence known in Paris; a miraculous mercy, as Leonardo had made it a point to openly affirm your relationship wherever you walked together.  

You were startled out of your thoughts when a warm hand landed on your head. You looked up to find the object of your endless thoughts peering at you with sleep-laden honey-colored eyes.

“Been waiting for you to come to bed.” He rested against the door frame—a yawn catching him off-guard. “Thought I’d come snatch you from whatever’s keeping you away from me.”

He offered his hand, and you were pulled into his room, in all of its chaotic glory. You sat together on his bed, where you were pulled instantly into a full embrace against his chest. His nose tickled the side of your neck, sending a warm feeling through your spine. You eased into his arms, releasing the tension in your shoulders.

“Brava cara, now will you tell me what’s kept you pacing back and forth outside my room?” He coaxed you with a hint of amusement in his voice.

All of the words in your mind escaped, leaving you with a deafening silence. You took another deep breath and spoke slowly.

“This morning you said that…you’d want to get married, right? I mean—you didn’t necessarily say when, but I understood that you meant soon, whatever that may mean in vampire time.”  

“Never heard of vampire time,” he chuckled. “But the when is for us to decide together. The reason I brought it up is because I want you to start imagining it with me. This is part of my promise that we plan our future together, remember?”

“Yeah, and I’m happy about that! Really, I am. It’s just…” You turned in his embrace to face him, your anxious eyes burned into his. “What about your family? What will they think when they find out? I’d be in danger…” Your smile faltered, the sight of it breaking Leonardo’s heart.

“There is no way I would allow them to interfere,” he asserted with furrowed brows, deep amber eyes shone with determination. “Not them, not anyone. They can think what they want, but they don’t get to choose who I love and spend my life with.”

“While that is true, and I believe you. But that doesn’t eliminate the fact that they would still be resentful and could very well act on it.” You blinked back your tears. You didn’t want to get emotional and worry him further, but the truth of the matter was—

“Leonardo, I’m scared. I don’t know why, but it’s like I can feel the target aimed at my back. What would they do to us? Where would we hide? Are we meant, supposed to keep running away once they catch our scent? What about—?”

“MC.”

He cupped your face with both of his hands, gently wiping your free-flowing tears with his thumbs. Even through blurred vision, you saw the storm brewing in his eyes, but for now he spoke only in little gestures—the caressing of his thumbs, the gentleness of voice, the patience in his eyes. You rested your weary head into the crook of his neck, deeply inhaling his natural scent to calm yourself down. He stroked your arms soothingly in response.

Drowsiness replaced your anxiety now that you let it all out. You relished in the feel of his comforting touch. You dared not face him again and risk seeing the disappointment in his face from your hesitation to marry him. You fear that you failed to believe in the strength of your relationship, that your love could overcome all challenges. You confessed your fears to him, but he shook his head.

“You haven’t failed anyone, my love. If anything, this shows to me that you’ve been thinking hard about our future as much as I have…though maybe from a more pessimistic lens, don’t you think?”

“I’m sorry, Leonardo…” you murmured hesitantly, “if only I were a pureblood like you…” As soon as you said it, you regretted it. Your eyes widened when you were instantly crushed into another full embrace. His low voice spoke with resolute calmness.

“No matter what anyone says, you’re perfect for me just as you are. I will get to the bottom of this and eliminate the doubt in your heart, alright? Leave it to me.”

He kissed on your forehead, and you nodded silently, unable to keep your eyes open anymore.

Leonardo tucked his darling in bed, making sure that you were fast asleep before he slipped out of his room soundlessly. What you had said struck a chord with him because it was something he had thought about long before he met you. It was part of why he took up his old friend’s offer of living in this secluded mansion, though it did little to dissuade the incoming marriage proposals from his family. He knocked on his friend’s bedroom door, entering before he even heard a response from the other side.

“Leonardo, really, haven’t you the decency to wait, what if I was asleep?” said le Comte tiredly.

“We both know you don’t sleep, ‘Comte’,” replied Leonardo with a grin.

Le Comte de Saint-Germain sighed where he sat at his desk, responding to letters as he often did when sleep eluded him.

“What brings you here, certainly there’s more to your visit than want for banter?”

“It’s about mia famiglia, these letters, their presence in Paris. It’s affecting MC, and only today she confessed what I already feared. Didn’t think she noticed them around whenever we went to town, I made sure of that, but her intuition definitely caught on. They may have their sights on her, and I’m not going to wait for them to make a move.”

Le Comte put aside the pen and paper in his hands, leaning back in his armchair as he thought over their current predicament. He had many thoughts to share with his friend, but he held back, for now. After a long silence hung between them, he spoke.

“What do you suggest we do, then?”

~*~

Am I really ending it there? Looks like I am! 

What do you think Leonardo would do? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

*note: there’ s no planned contiuation at the moment—unless inspo strikes ✨

[rinkrats]

🥺 that mike lange story. But also those tags #sid loooves christmas #he loves giving presents #looks good in red #piles on the pounds fast #post hockey career as santa 😂😂👌🏽👌🏽

he loves his mementos and presents and is COMMITTED to them. scrapbooking. matching jackets. little pills with hidden motivational messages~*~ his love language is gifts and neck smooches and stalking geno. relevant right now are some anecdotes i sent a friend earlier this year for dorky sid gifts fic fodder:

1. Crosby's constant thoughtfulness would be impressive from anyone, much less someone of his stature.

"Sid always texts me happy birthday, he's always asking me like, how's Russia?" Evgeni Malkin said. "We talk and message all summer. He asks me how my skates are. He knows, like, everything. He follows my Instagram, I think (laughs)."

In addition to having a handle on those little details, Crosby is constantly providing those around him with memories and mementos. If the team is on the road and goes, say, sightseeing or to a sporting event and takes a group photo, Crosby will later send a framed copy to everyone.

When Ron Hextall and Brian Burke watched their first Penguins game in person, Crosby is the one who approached head equipment manager Dana Heinze and asked for two used game pucks to give to the new GM and president of hockey ops. 

After the Penguins won in 2009, Crosby had jackets made for the three players on the team who had scored a Cup-clinching goal in Game 7: Talbot (Pittsburgh), Ruslan Fedotenko (Tampa Bay) and Mike Rupp (New Jersey).

"They were blue jackets with gold buttons, and each one had a patch on it that said 'GWG Game 7,'" Talbot said. "At one of our first team meals the next season, he presented us with the jackets and did a big ceremony with the music and stuff. We had a private room in the restaurant. I still have the jacket."

-The Consummate Teammate, Captain and Ambassador, Feb 2021

2. Merz: My first interaction with Sid was when we were on the bench, guys were talking about a teammate, and the first thing this 15-year-old says is, “Hey, guys. Let’s keep everything positive. Don’t talk about your teammates that way.”

Salcido: When we were getting ready for nationals, he found these little pills that you could put a hidden message inside. They unscrewed, and inside was a tiny scroll. He gave one to every teammate. … He had everyone fill one out. He didn’t tell anyone what to write, but he made it known that we all knew what the goal was: winning nationals. So we wrote on our scrolls, rolled them up and put them in the pill thing. We kept them with us everywhere we went.

-‘Is this real?’: Stories of Sidney Crosby’s year at a Minnesota prep school, May 2020

3. On “Butterfly Boy” Jonathan Pitre:

Though the Senators are his team, Sidney Crosby has always been Jonny’s favourite player. After the TSN documentary airs, Tina gets a call from the Penguins. Sid needs Jonny’s measurements. He wants to have a suit made for him by his personal tailor, Domenico Vacca.

“It’s the kindest, sweetest gesture,” Tina says. “Sid heard that Jonny went to a lot of games, so he wants him to look like he’s one of the guys.”

“I want him to feel like a pro,” Crosby says. “Here’s a guy who is going through something so painful, and his first thought is always, ‘How can I help others?’ When I was young, I’d watch on TV the players coming to the rink in their suits. That was a cool part of being an NHL player. I want him to feel that, to make it as real as possible for him.”

Tina tries to discreetly measure Jonny while she’s changing his dressings. But he’s way too smart for that.

“Um, Mom, why are you measuring me? Am I going for surgery again?” he asks.

“No, no!” Tina replies, trying to reassure him and come up with a good lie, all in the same breath. “The doctor needs them just to make sure they have proper dressings next time you are in.”

A few weeks later, the sharp navy blue suit shows up at their front door, along with a couple of ties, an autographed stick and a handwritten letter from Sid. 

“His eyes just light up,” Tina says. “Jonny always liked to be well-dressed, and he just loves having his own suit. It fits perfectly. He looks so good in it.”

-Beauties by James Duthie (2020)

4. Pascal Dupuis inspired his Pittsburgh Penguins teammates on their run to the Stanley Cup, and Sidney Crosby found a special way of driving that message home.

Dupuis retired in December with lingering health concerns because of blood clots. Despite his NHL playing days coming to an end, the veteran forward remained an integral part of the Penguins and was in uniform to hoist the Cup after Pittsburgh's six-game win against the San Jose Sharks in the Stanley Cup Final.

On Sunday, Dupuis brought the Cup home one last time as a player to share a special day with his family, friends and hometown fans.

"Yes, it does feel bittersweet a little bit," Dupuis said. "You get the Cup, you want to celebrate. But at the same time I got a gift by the mail [Saturday]. Basically, it's a book of all the pictures of all the good stuff we went through. It came from Nova Scotia, so you guys can figure out who it came from (Crosby), but he couldn't give it to me during the season, he saw me skating a little bit.

"And he sent it [Saturday], before my day with the Cup, so he knew what he was doing to get me right here," Dupuis said, putting his fist over his heart.

-Pascal Dupuis shares Stanley Cup with family, friends, Aug 2016

5. In 2011, Crosby was out of the lineup with a concussion, and the Penguins made their annual visit to Children’s Hospital.

Crosby got along so well with one boy there and was so touched that he later asked Bullano to go back... just the two of them, no cameras, no attention.

When Bullano and Crosby met for the follow-up visit, Crosby appeared clutching a pair of Toys “R” Us bags, filled with a Transformer toy the two had discussed.

“He literally bought every type of this toy they make,” Bullano said. “[Crosby] had never seen it before and thought it was so cool.

“There are no pictures of this. There’s no video. He was laying in the bed with the kid. They were just playing. We were there for over two hours. I got to know the mom really well because we were just sitting there.

“The kid had no idea. Didn’t expect it. They had no idea he was coming. We got there and he said, ‘Hey buddy. hope you don’t mind that I came back.’ The kid couldn’t believe it.

“[Crosby’s] crazy cool about stuff like that.”

What’s crazy is trying to recount the many times stuff like this has happened with Crosby:

• The Little Penguins Learn to Play program has been around for nine seasons, outfitting now 1,200 kids with free head-to-toe hockey equipment. Not only does Crosby serve as the face of the program — which the NHL has now adopted — but he helps fund it, too.

“There’s an awareness of what a person in his position can bring,” Penguins vice president of communications Tom McMillan said. “I think he activates that as much as anybody I’ve seen during his playing career.”

• After a recent practice, Crosby noticed a local family in the Penguins dressing room, approached them, introduced himself, learned their story and wound up giving them a signed stick.

Nobody asked Crosby to do that, and he wanted zero credit when discussing it a couple days later.

“For people who have the opportunity to come in here, people dealing with certain things, if you can brighten their day a bit or spend some time with them, it’s something that’s special for all of us,” Crosby said.

• A few years ago, through a team charity event, Crosby befriended a 4-year-old Amish boy with cancer. Crosby remarked to Bullano how much he loved talking to the boy because of how engaging the boy was and how he wasn’t consumed with technology. Crosby even tried to visit the boy but learned he had passed away.

• He learns the first and last names of the kids who attend his hockey school in Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia.

“Two kids came from Japan its first year,” Bullano recalled. “He was so blown away by that. He couldn’t wait to meet them.”

• Earlier this season, the Penguins welcomed Grant Chupinka, 24-year-old cancer patient, into the dressing room. Crosby chatted up Grant and his parents, Steve and Kim.

He spent his usual time — about two or three times the requirement. Gave the tour. Then found out the Chupinkas didn’t have tickets for that night’s game and decided he would pay for them to go.

“I’m sure he could just give them an autographed puck or something, but he takes his time to go out and see them and talk to them and get to know them,” Brian Dumoulin said. “It speaks volumes for him and who he is as a person.”

Spend any length of time with Crosby during his visits with those less fortunate, and a few things become obvious.

One, Crosby is really good at these. Smooth but not in a slimy way. Sweet. You know how when you’re around someone talking and they go out of their way to make eye contact with everyone around? That’s Crosby.

He’s also humble, always introducing himself like those he’s meeting don’t already know. Holding a hand is no issue. And Crosby is the rare 20-something pro athlete without kids who acts every bit like he does.

“It is not an easy situation to talk to someone with terminal cancer,” McMillan said. “A lot of people couldn’t do that. He has an amazing ability to do that and make that person feel good.”

Crosby has welcomed several Make-a-Wish kids and tries, if at all possible, to schedule such events for practice days — to maximize the time he’s able to spend.

He’s developed a special friendship with Patrick McIlvain, a soldier who nearly died when he took a bullet to the head in Afghanistan. McIlvain actually does physical therapy with one of Crosby’s sticks.

A former club hockey player at Cal U, McIlvain comes by every year, and the Penguins don’t even bother to tell Crosby. Either he already knows or immediately stops what he’s doing to come say hello.

“He’s not doing it to leave a legacy,” said Terry Kalna, Penguins vice president of sales and broadcasting. “His numbers leave the legacy. He’s just a down-to-Earth, good guy.”

Before a visit, Crosby has Bullano email him what is essentially a scouting report on who he’s going to meet. He likes to learn about them, their situation and what they’ve been through. As much information as he can ingest. Crosby never just swoops in, shake a hand and leave.

“As much as anyone has ever seen, he accepts the responsibilities of being not just a professional athlete but a star professional athlete,” McMillan said. “He views it as part of the job. Like coming to the morning skate. That’s just what you do.”

Put another way, “he owns those moments,” says Kalna.

Said Bullano, “He’s just a good human being.”

-When it comes to giving, Sidney Crosby does as much as he can, Feb 2017

6. When Crosby received a generous signing bonus on his Reebok deal, he wanted to share it with everyone.

“He gave everyone on the bus gifts,”  says Oceanic radio commentator Michel Germain. “Him sharing his bonus with all the people he’d been travelling with for two years, that impresses me greatly. I think the most important thing about Sidney Crosby is his personality and the kind of human being he is. What he exuded. The inner richness he’d already developed.” 

-Superstitious and generous, Dec 2006

7. also this simply because it makes me ;w;

Even in defeat — no, especially in defeat — Sidney Crosby proved why he wears the "C" for the Penguins.

After the game, with his heart sinking and his season over, the Penguins’ captain bent over, sank to the ice to pick up the puck, took it to linesman Tony Sericolo and then skated to his team’s handshake line.

I immediately thought of a View from Ice Level I’d written on Crosby making sure a retiring official was sent away from PPG Paints Arena properly. I knew picking up the puck wasn’t for the same reason that was, but I also knew, in some way, it was connected to Crosby’s awareness and respect of the game.

“It was for the Islanders,” Crosby told me after the game, his eyes swollen from a first round exit – by way of a sweep to make it worse. He told me how the winning team always wanted the puck, and it was his way of providing it for the Islanders.

Crosby looked me right in the eye as he told me this, just as he did with every other member of the media to come to him after the loss.

I could tell from those swollen eyes and the way he sat at his stall, by himself with his hands folded as he stared blankly, that Sidney Crosby is much more used to being on the receiving end of a puck when a series ends than he is at retrieving it for the winning team.

That scene. His swollen eyes. Staying in the locker room until most had left – talking to anyone who needed him. Most of all, though, picking up the puck that prompted my question in the first place and making sure the right people got their piece of their own history.

It all adds up to one thing: In victory and in defeat, Crosby respects the game above all else – just as he’s always done.

-Even in defeat, Crosby shines, April 2019

[destinyc1020]

Just some food for thought.....

I just thought about this the other day... 🤔

You know, when thinking about Tomdaya and their breakup in 2019, and especially the things that transpired afterwards in 2020 👀, we usually seem to think about things through Tom's point of view. For example, how he felt about those Jacdaya/NYC pics 👀, the things that may have led him to break things off with Nadia, how he seemed excited to rekindle things with Z again, etc. Part of this is because Tom is way more transparent with his feelings just in general lol, and he's a little more "active" about posting his private life than Zendaya is.

With that said however, as a woman, I recently started thinking about things more from Zendaya's pov.... especially with regards to the events that took place in 2020, given the information and the "turn of events" that we have seen now lol. 😂

For example:

I think about how Z may have felt during the outset of the pandemic. She was still dating JE at that time, and while she was seeming pretty happy with him while life was still normal, when the covid-19 pandemic hit, everything shut down, and JE went back to Australia, Z probably came to a point where she really had to face her feelings. It's easy to distract yourself with a new bf in order to try to forget about an ex bf (not to mention a best friend) that you had a major breakup with the year prior. But when everything is shut down, and you can't leave your house, and the Tree Trunk bf has gone back to his home country, you're almost FORCED to sit down and face your feelings. 😳 If Z has still been in love with Tom all this time (which, obviously if she's back with him again it's because those feelings for him never really left), then I can only imagine how the events from February 2020 (leading to radio silence on both ends), and the pandemic hitting may have been tough for her emotionally. 😔 To this day, I still don't think that her telling Sam "I haven't really been doing too well..." was JUST due to her breakup with JE. It was probably part of it, but I don't think it was just that. I actually think her "not doing too well" was due to a combo of everything that went on not only in 2020, but also in 2019.... (i.e. her major breakup with Tom, trying to still be cordial "friends", seeing him appear to "move on" so quickly with O, knowing about Tom's reaction to the Jacdaya pictures, maybe realizing that JE wasn't really all that he was cracked up to be, the whole George Floyd incident/BLM marches, Trump's behavior in the White House, her not really knowing who she is outside of/without working, etc) Even Claire seemed to be supporting mothers of children who are going through mental and emotional struggles during that time of the pandemic. Even Z's presence on social media was nonexistent at one point. I really think she was going through it.

I also think too about how Z may have felt AFTER the Jacdaya breakup, knowing that Tom was now with N, but that she would still have to eventually work with him again in the upcoming months on the SM3 set. 👀 I mean, just put yourself in her shoes.... Let's say that you and your ex bf split up even though there's still some feelings there, but yet you two both move on to try to date other people, but then YOUR relationship ends (and not on good terms either), but yet your ex bf is still dating someone else, and you know that pretty soon you're going to have to see him again and work with him for the next 5 months. Can you say, "AWKWARD!" 🥴 I just wonder how Z may have been feeling during that time that's all.... esp since it seems like she and Tom may have sort of been on the outs around that time as well. 👀 She was eventually going to have to work with him closely again. She would even have to play love interests with him. How embarrassing that the guy you went "public" with in Feb, ends up being a dud, and now, you two have broken up, and yet your ex has moved on to another girl, and has even posted her to his IG page. And pretty soon, you two have to work together again, and you will have to swallow your feelings for him and ignore them while working together since he's with someone else now.

Now granted, I don't think ANYONE would have predicted that Tom would break up with someone less than a week after posting them a second time to his IG page 🥴👀, but hey, like he said, sometimes "sh*t happens!" 🤣

Anyway.... those were just my random thoughts for the day lol. 😂 Like I said, we usually look at things from Tom's pov since he's so easy to read lol, but when you look at what things might have been going on from Z's pov as well, it's crazy how much stuff was going on with her probably emotionally during their breakup. She's just very private with her feelings, but that doesn't mean she wasn't feeling anything. I'm just speaking on this from a woman's pov, especially if you're still in love with an ex.

[kanmom51]

JM JK timeline.- my observations how they grew over the years - 2017

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions.  Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

2017 - part 2

12 Feb 2017 – “You never walk alone” preview show.  Who’s JM’s little cutie? 

14 Feb 2017 – JM Twitter post –  the boys with matching jackets.  I know. I said not Twitter, but sometimes rules are made to be broken.

17 Feb 2017 – Hobi’s birthday.  JM to JK: “stop coming to our room at night.” There’s something about JM throwing JK under the bus time after time.  It’s like he enjoys to see JK squirm.

22 Feb 2017 – Gaon Chart K-pop chart – JK ushering Hobi to another seat, so that JK can sit behind JM.  JM turning around see this, rolls his eyes and smirks.

24 Feb 2017 – KBS Music Bank comeback - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4_ASZuLeVk&t=156s  

Another one of my favourites.  A perfect example for both boys hesitance, wanting to touch, but just not getting there. 

 JM putting arm behind JK, but holding on to wall behind, and then matter of factually laying it on JK’s shoulder.  

JM micro touching, or brushing JK’s hand with his thumb.  

Prior to JM brushing JK’s hand with his thumb, JK’s hand is heart signing to JM. 

The minute JM moves his hand away, you see how the expression on JK’s face changes, then he rubs his hand where JM touched him.

24 Feb 2017 fan meet – are they in actual F… sending flying kisses to each other?

25 Feb 2017 MBC music core comeback – JK moving Hobi aside, so that JK can stand behind JM.  JK being JM’s number 1 fanboy.

26 Feb 2017 – Wings – you never walk alone fan sign.  Really JM? What was that neck grab and what exactly were you doing there????  No, I don’t believe he kissed JK’s neck, but it sure was ‘out there’, so much so that Jin was in total shock when it happened.  JK was surprised by it, and I think that even JM was shocked by his own actions waling aimlessly in what seems like the wrong direction .

28 Feb 2017 Run BTS episode 12. This one for me was cringe worthy, at some points I felt like an actual intruder.  JK the detective and JM the prisoner.  JK whacking JM on the behind (remember JK is the younger – how bold).  JM’s private dance for JK.  I know the episode was mostly scripted, but I seriously think JM was surprised by that smack to his behind.  Also, the way JK was looking at JM when he was dancing all heart hands for him.

12 March 2017 - Wings tour Santiago Chile

Santiago day 2 – JK suffers from exhaustion.  As he is taken back stage to a treatment room, JM is the one to race after the team into the room.

JM is in the treatment room when the cameras come in.  He is standing there, and later, as the other members are walking in, JM is by JK’s side, helping the medical team lift up one of his legs.

The rest of the members come in together to see how JK is doing, and when the medical team suggest to take off JK’s pants, all the members leave the room.  All except for JM, who stays there with JK the whole time.

JM leaves the room only together with JK, after he feels better and is able to walk out of the room on his own two feet.

Wouldn’t you expect RM, being the leader and all, to be the one by JK’s side? Or J-Hope maybe?  Wouldn’t that have made more sense under the circumstances? Why JM?  

Because, clearly JM is the one JK feels closest to, the one he can be himself with freely, the one he doesn’t feel embarrassed or needs privacy from.

JM may not have been a family member, but he was the closest thing to it.  JM to JK is and was his home, his safe place, and most certainly the one to be by his side when he was in distress.

March 2017 BTS Live trilogy episode the Wings tour in Santiago Chile & Brazil.  

March 2017 BTS Live trilogy episode the Wings tour in Chicago.

April 2017 3rd Muster dvd – the muster was at end of 2016, but dvd was released in 2017. During photo shoots they are being posed by the photographers.  Yes, there will be authentic moments between them, but sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s being directed.  That’s why I don’t always like to add these to my timeline.   Even so, they were so cute, so I couldn’t leave this one out.

3rd April 2017 – BTS Front row live entertainment interview – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UotjcB_X4ag . What happened there?  

This one intrigues me. I watched and re-watched the full interview several times, and for the life of me I can’t see what happened there between JM and Hobi that triggered JK’s reaction?  JM’s placating look at JK, like telling him nothing happened… this one is used a lot to create the JK jealous narrative, and to be honest, I really don’t know what happened there. When JK turns back, JM looks into the camera with an uneasy gaze.

After that, most of the time, JM looks lost in his thoughts, not happy.  Towards the end they are asked what artist they would want to collaborate with, and Suga’s answer makes them all burst out in laughter, all accept for JM.  When he is asked and answers, you also see he is unhappy.  You can easily see something is bothering him.  JM just wasn’t his happy own self.  He looked pensive.  BTS did several interviews and had a concert that day, so maybe he was just tired or wound up, but he just wasn’t acting like himself.

April 2017 - Bon Voyage 2 Hawaii

Highlights of the highlights: The but checking and identifying (are we taking skinship to another level, are we??).  

JK getting drenched at the beach, JK getting drenched period. Lol.  

JK gobbling down piping hot Pizza so JM can eat. 

JM playing footsies under the table with JK, all while sitting opposite V.  

JK edging JM to come along calling him “Aegyo” = “Baby”.  J

M making sure JK doesn’t go hungry, buying him food with his own money.  JM taking care of JK. 

JK and JM on same team – the joy… Spending the day together and just being happy. 

 Did JK really lose the game on purpose so he can be in the room with JM? 

The amount of times we hear Jimin-ssi in every kind of cute and flirty way JK can say it…

Bonus:

22 April 2017 JK Vlive – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5n8y3D0Z9pM . 

JK doing everything to get JM back to his room while playing loud music. 

JK’s face lighting up when JM returns to his room. 

JK telling JM he looks handsome without makeup.  

JK pissed off when V comes in too, saying “why is everyone coming?”.    

When V touches JK’s ear, JK pushes him away.  

JM moving off camera to fix his robe, and JK not taking his eyes off him.  

V putting his foot on JK’s back (this is something I have seen V do a few times, it’s not a gentle touch, to me it feels more like asserting dominance), and JM pushes him off.    

And what exactly did JM mean when he said he has no talent for games but “I was quite good at it a year ago”?  Only to be followed by the stare, OMG, the stare.  Why, oh why did V have to ruin the moment, eh?

22-23 April 2017 Bangkok concert. Flirting on stage, attention to each other.

24 April 2017 Eat Jin Vlive with JM and JK - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqxX_UGXSlY .   

Jin complaining why JM doesn’t hit him like he did JK, so JM hits him too. Lol. JM stealing the steak JK cuts for himself, while JK lets him, smiling.  The way JK just lets JM get away with anything, even interfering with the ultimate ‘ship’ - Jungfood. 

3 June 2017 – J-14 magazine interview - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7rXl8uuUTY&t=306s .  from 3.33min. to 4.37min especially.

Wtf was JM up to there????? It looks pretty dubious, especially when you look at the faces on the two of them when it was going on.  Up to your interpretation.

2 June 2017 – Ceremonial first pitch at baseball match – Hanshin Koshien stadium - JK and JM’s jersey numbers – coincidence or not?

12 June Festa 2017 BTS BangtanTv –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWA6f7g7NUQ&t=2s.

JK’s intense stare at JM, when JM joined the others in with the others when they were laughing at JK eating everyone’s food but not ordering any for himself, which causes JM to immediately stop laughing.  

Poor JK being blindsided when it was pointed out that the only one he bought a birthday present for last year was JM.  Oops. (why oh why JM did you throw him under the bus like that??? You were curious? Really???? JM keeps doing this) Poor boy was so embarrassed.  Hobi was the one to actually save him, stating how generous JK has become lately giving away his things that he didn’t need. JK never answered the question. 

27 June 2017 BV2 special commentary live – JK getting all flustered when asked to explain the difference between BV1 and BV2.  JM looking at him, enjoying every second.

4 August 2017 - KBS Music Bank Singapore.  JK not loving on Taemin.  The way he turns around the minute JM and Taemin interact, and the discontent look on his face…cold.  He’s not a happy camper.  He glancing in the direction a couple of times, but he is mostly turned away from them.   And when JM runs up to slap Taemin in the butt, JK sees this, averts his head, and just keeps walking off the stage.  He is clearly upset. Besides the obvious faces he makes, not waiting for Jimin when walking off stage is not something he usually does. Was it jealousy?  Was it just a disliking of Taemin specifically?  And if he dislikes Taemin, why is that?  We can’t know. 

OK now, I know I said that I won’t be doing Twitter, but this one I felt I had to (again, oops):

On the 6th of August 2017 JM posted a photo he took during their Hawaii trip (BV2). Why take this photo, and why post it?  Do I really have to ask this question?

29th August 2017 the famous, or infamous People Now “arrest me” interview -  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgGxcMndEk8 .  

I couldn’t find the actual date of this interview, but it was uploaded end of August 2017. I really enjoyed this one.  Everyone talks about JK’s “arrest me” JM mishap during this interview.  The members reactions are to die for.  

Can someone tell me please what Suga told JK in Korean before they moved on?????  

Also, JK’s reaction when JM said he wanted to collab with Suga (watch from 7:58min), was like:

 W H A T  in  T H E  actual F U C K???. LMAO.  

Summer package 2017 – released August 2017.

JK and JM being all playful by the pool.  JK letting us know how adorable JM is to him when he is swimming doggy style in the pool.

The one that stands out to me, though, is the ‘dream catcher necklace saga’.  Felt a little uneasy to see that one, like I was witness to a lover’s tiff.  

The boys were given a budget each to purchase themselves a gift.  They are taken together to a gift shop, where they check the merchandise out and each buy themselves a little souvenir.  When they all sit down to show each other their gifts, that’s when this moment happens.

JK takes out his gift. I once again want to emphasize, this is a gift he bought with his budget for himself.  He explains it’s a dream catcher and says he will put it in his room.  

JM, sitting next to him, takes it from JK and says: “this is a necklace Jungkook-ssi”. 

JK blurts out adamantly that he won’t hang it around his neck.   

This is when things get awkward, because you can see JM is clearly upset, throws the necklace back at JK and says: “OK, then”.

JM has a dream catcher necklace around his neck too, and when it’s his turn to tell what gift he bought himself he takes the necklace off and gives it to V, saying he bought the gift for V, who had a nightmare last night.

After JM’s mini tantrum JK, who previously adamantly professed he will not put it around his neck, does everything he can to put the necklace on, finally turning to JM to help him put the it on, which he does.  

Later on, while sitting for the personal interview, with the necklace around his neck, he tells us how from now on he won’t have nightmares.

What did I get from all that?

Clearly JM was pissed at JK’s reaction.  Why?  JK clearly bought this by himself for himself. 

But did he?  Was it something he chose for himself, or was it something JM suggested to him?

JM also bought a dream catcher.  Was that a coincidence?  For some reason, I don’t think so.  

My theory is that the dream catcher is something JM suggested or wanted JK to buy for himself, and JK reluctance to wear it offended him.  JM clearly bought the other dream catcher for V.  Perhaps he wanted both his boys to have one, and to him, JK’s comment felt as a rejection.

The way JK reacted to JM, his immediate change of attitude towards the necklace, trying to put it on, when only a second earlier he said he won’t put this around his neck, shows how attuned he was to JM, how he immediately realised he did something wrong, something to upset JM, and how he tried, in his own way, to atone for it, by wearing the same thing he but seconds ago rejected.

This brings me back to the point I made about the boys relationship, and them finding the balance. A perfect example to how there will still be conflict, but how JK realises, immediately, that he had done wrong and what he has done wrong, and immediately sets to right the wrong, hence to restore that balance.

JM throwing the necklace at JK.  Also, notice the editor’s remark.  JM’s anger is obvious not only to me.

To be continued... 

[kyun-toast]

[MONSTA X] Changkyun - Run With Me

word count: 1.1k warnings: none a little note: I was so excited when Changkyun covered “도망가자 Run with Me” by Sunwoojunga which is a song that I hold so close to my heart. It was posted on Monsta X café with the caption translating something roughly to “grab you and run”. Everybody should go and listen to the full song; it’s written so beautifully! As much as I think that he had covered the song to comfort Monbebe that may be going through some tough times, I felt that he might be needing that comfort just as much as we do. Soon after he posted the song, I read his interview with Vogue (Feb 2021) and it solidified those thoughts. As much as he and Monsta X as a whole have achieved so far, I want to be able to tell him that he’s done so well, that it’s okay to rest, to take his time, and that we’ll always be there for him. Even if it’s through me writing about it in a fictional universe lol. *I also included a translation of a line from one of my favourite poems “낮은 곳으로” by Lee Jungha in this, please give it a read too! I can’t describe the love I have for both the poem and song mentioned. I’m not entirely sure if there’s an English translation for it but if not, I’d be more than happy to translate it the best I can just message me! Wow I’m really baring my soul out on the internet like this.

song translation

Changkyun had left you a message, letting you know that he’d be back home late from the studio. With promotions and Kyun just being so committed to his own music, you rarely got to see him anymore. You would feel him rest his body against yours as he collapsed into bed while you slept, and then wake up to find only his perfume left on the pillows in the morning. But even those brief moments where he’d find your hand within the sheets to hold at dawn, you treasured.

With the weekend ahead of you, you decided to stay up to see him when he got back. You settled into the sofa with a cup of tea and a book of poetry that you had found lying around on Changkyun’s bedside table. Poetry wasn’t your go-to for leisurely reading, but you were curious to see if you could get a glance into the extraordinary mind of Im Changkyun through it. With a pot of tea on the coffee table, a thick blanket across your lap, and the soft glow of a lamp illuminating your book, you were more than ready to navigate through the long night with poet Lee Jungha.

-

The soft bleeps of the keypad lock stirred you awake from the sleep you had unknowingly fallen into, and in your excitement, you clumsily got up to greet Changkyun. He entered into the living room, eyes covered by his long hair, dragging his feet along the floor. You could tell by his slumped shoulders that the day had not been so gentle on him. There you stood with a little ache in your heart and a wistful smile on your face, while Changkyun crashed into your body, toppling you back over onto the sofa. Hand curled around the back of your head, and the other around your waist, he nestled his face into your neck and let out a heavy sigh.

“Bad day, baby?” You asked. He replied with a little nod into your neck as you brought a hand up to stroke his hair.

“Can you look at me? I haven’t seen you all week.” This time, he shook his head.

“Okay, not yet.” You continued to stroke his hair as he breathed in your familiar scent, comforting him. There had been many trials and errors in working out your relationship with Changkyun. He had his own way of showing affection or processing his thoughts and feelings and all you knew now is that you just had to give him space. And when you did, he’d come back to return the love and understanding in multitudes.

Though the most important thing during these times was his return, it still bothered you a little that he wouldn’t share what he was thinking while he was gone in his own headspace. You had usually found comfort in exchanging the ins and outs of the deepest of your mind, but it was different with Changkyun. Though he had opened up a lot more since the two of you started seeing each other, there were times like this that just defeated you. Often, you would doubt yourself, wondering if it was something about you that stopped him from breaking down those walls between you. But it was those firm squeezes he gave your hand, silent but sure kisses on your forehead, and loving gaze in his eyes that assured you otherwise.

You both lay tangled on the sofa for a while. Changkyun comforted himself in listening to your pulse, so steady in comparison to the mess that had become of his mind, but you could still sense that he had yet so much to unravel. Seeing him like this teared you heart apart.

“Changkyun. Let’s go.” You said gently. So out of the blue, he stirred to look up at you.

"Let’s go now. I want to show you something.” He sat up as you got up to grab your jacket and keys.

“I know the perfect place.” You finalised, smiling.

-

Hand on the wheel of your car, you drove without even thinking as this route was so familiar to you. Changkyun sat by in the passenger, looking at the coloured lights of Seoul city passing by the window. The cool night air washed through your loose hair as you both sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the music, hands still held tight until you reached your secret destination.

Leading your boyfriend by his hand, you led him to the secluded beach. By the time you had arrived, it was well into dawn; sun just about to rise above the horizon, birds ready to start their days.

You lay next to each other; your hand still held onto Changkyun’s while the other ran through the soft sand. He looked at you with a soft smile on his face and you could feel that little something in his chest unfurl ever so tentatively.

Having been walled in by the skyscrapers of Seoul, you or Changkyun had never had many chances to look up at the sky in its grand entirety. Coming to the beach had not opened up your horizons to an unobstructed sky but it had also lifted something heavy off of his chest, allowing him to drink in the wild air.

“Hey, look.” You tore your eyes away from his, pointing at the sky. The sun had started to peer over the ocean, sending the deepest hues of pinks and purples to paint the morning sky – a watercolour dream. This was your favourite time of day, when the colours of the sky tints bright whites a soft purple grey, and deep blacks an earthy navy. Nothing is ever as harsh as it seems.

By the time the colours had faded only to leave some golden pink streaks within the porcelain blue, you were both grinning like idiots over what felt like nothing. Hands still held tight in the sand, you turned your heads to face each other and smile.

“Thank you.” He finally breathed out. “Thank you for showing me.”

You smiled back, feeling a sense of relief in how he was finally at ease.

“I’ll always be willing to run away with you Changkyun, remember that.” As you both turned to look back at the sky, a short passage from Kyun’s book you had read earlier came to mind.

잠겨 죽어도 좋으니 너는 물처럼 내게 밀려오라

Come to me, like the swiftness of water, and I will die happy submerged in your waves.

With each day you spent with Changkyun, he bared more of his soul to you yet there was still so much you had to learn about him. But that was okay because you had all the sunrises in the world.

“Let’s go home”

[vemuabhi]

Your Favourite

Hello everyone! 

From this day onwards, I’ll post exact 7 different stories/HC’s/Art of Sanji on the occasion of his birthday. (Aka from 26th Feb to 4th March)

I hope you support this Sanji week of mine! (a like and reblog would be amazing and Comments are always appreciated!) If you see any mistakes, please forgive me. Thankyou.

I hope you like it!

Modern Universe

Pairing : Sanji X Reader

Warnings : Noting but fluff! Happy ending!

Word Count : 1.5K

Summary : Reader is a regular at Sanji’s cafe and everyday receives a compliment or a small writing on the order. ( Aka Cup) This makes the reader so happy and slowly develops a crush on him. One day due to turn of some events, Reader asks him out. For which he becomes very happy and of course happy ending!

A/N : I was listening to BTS Black Swan (Clickable) while I wrote this. Listen to it for more feels! I assure you, you wont regret listening to it.

You sat in your usual place with the hot beverage on you table. As you continued to work on your laptop, you took small sips of your drink. But sure you weren’t totally concentrated on your work thanks to a certain blond barista. He always smiled at you whenever your eyes met, replacing the embarrassment with heart fluttering. It was just a small crush, nothing much. Well, it wasn’t like he was only nice to you. He was polite to all the customers. He always made you look forward to coming here every evening at sharp 5 was because of one thing. You again took your cup and looked at the writing on it.

“You look so cute when you smile”, you smiled looking at it. It was just a crush.

On a very stressful day, you came to this café and placed your order. The same blond, served your order. You took a sip of that drink and instantly, fell in love with the flavour. You cooled down because of the texture and the taste of the drink. It was heavenly. You drank it as your mind slowly relieved you of your negative and stressful thoughts. You smiled as you placed your empty cup down on the table.

Then you noticed, a beautiful handwriting was on the cup. It said, “Thanks for the smile”. Your eyes widened with surprise as you looked at the blond. He just served an order and then looked at you and smiled. You took your belongings and also the cup and left the café. You looked at the cup one more time and took a picture of it. This was the only nice thing happened to you all week. So it didn’t seem silly at all in that moment. Now even after becoming a regular to this place, he never once forgot to write note for you and you never missed taking the photo of the notes. It became a routine for you. Every time you opened your gallery, these photos would come into your view and would make you smile. You made sure to tell your friends Kidd and Killer about this café and its delicious drinks. They also visited the café and really liked it. That day, you saw that he wrote, “Thank you so much”, on your cup. Kidd and Killer were not always with you but they did become regulars to the café because of you.

One evening you entered the café and went to order but, the blond wasn’t there. You looked around as you scanned the place with your eyes. He wasn’t in the café. Your order was given to you. You took it and sat. You opened your laptop and started to work. Your mind didn’t allow you to work peacefully. You couldn’t finish your work properly and wasted 2 hours. You placed your things in your bag and went towards the door to leave. Just when you were about to exit, then the blond came in. He was wearing causal outfit and not the usual uniform of the café. Your eyes locked with his and he smiled at you and for the first time, he talked to you, “Oh! Are…Are you leaving?”

You of course couldn’t say that you were leaving because he wasn’t there. So you just nodded. His jaw clenched then he looked at the counter and again at you.

“Just wait for a minute please”, he rushed over to the counter and within seconds he made a different kind of drink, which you never tried in this place. He quickly scribbled on the cup and came towards you. He handed it over to you. You tried to open your purse to give him money but he placed his hand on yours and said, “Not required. Just take it as a gift. Please”. He pulled his hand back and gave you a quick bow, then went to the employees’ only room.

You left with a smile on your face. You took a sip of the drink and then you noticed that it was so unique and different. You never drank this type of drink ever in your life. This was delicious and had smooth texture. It instantly became your favourite. You then looked at the cup to see what he wrote and it was, “9am to 12pm + 7pm to 11pm”

‘Dang. He wrote his timings’, you smiled thinking that. Then your eyes widened. ‘So… is he expecting to see me during these timings? Does he know about my… crush?’ you didn’t knew what to do. Well, even if the drinks were amazing, your reason for going there every day was… him. You remembered about the work you had to do that day and rushed home. ‘Whatever… I can regret later. I’ll go at 7pm tomorrow’, you thought as you drank your drink.

Next evening you came at 7 and looked at the handsome barista. His eyes clearly twinkled as he saw your form. You went to him and said, “Yesterday, the drink you gave me, it was amazing. I guess it became my favourite now. What is it called?”. He placed his hand on the back of his neck and said, “Thank you so much, but… I didn’t give it a name yet. It’s a new drink which needs to be added to the menu. No one tried it yet, except... for you.” Your eyes widened at his words.

“That… that was a new drink you came up with and it’s not even on the menu?!”, you said as you placed your hand on your mouth. It was shocking for you. He was this talented and the new release he planned was tasted by you first. He chuckled at your reaction and nodded as his hands caught the marker.

“That was super good! I’m sure it will be a huge hit when you add it in your menu”, you said to him as he looked at you and then again onto the cup as he wrote something. He handed you the cup and you noticed that it was the new drink as yesterdays. You smiled and thanked him. You looked at the writing and it said, “Your expressions are so pure, so innocent”. It wasn’t like the daily compliments and pickup lines. It… kinds felt personal. Your cheeks turned pink. You sat at a table and started to work on your laptop with enthusiasm.

As you were working, then suddenly your eyes caught a glimpse of a very beautiful lady who entered the café. She straight went towards the counter and started to talk to the blond. She had orange hair and wore a crop top making her thin waist visible. She was gorgeous. His eyes turned into hearts as soon as he saw her. He then gave her 2 cups of drinks for which… she didn’t seem to… pay for? You didn’t knew that but… your eyes followed her till she exited the café.

‘Was she his girlfriend?’, you thought seeing the way she talked to the blond in a very familiar manner. ‘How could I, compare to her?’, you thought as you sipped your drink. It was delicious but… you didn’t feel like to drink anything now. ‘Why did I even think that I had a chance? Why did I even developed this stupid crush on a man, who was taken? Of course with his looks and behaviour he should be in a relationship by now! God… I’m so stupid’, your mind was filled with different thoughts. After a while you got up and went towards the counter. You smiled at the blond and said, “Your girlfriend is really beautiful”

His gave a confused look as you said that. “I’m sorry but… I don’t have a girlfriend”, he replied.

“Oh? But the lady who just came here, I.. I thought she was your-”

“Nope! She is just a friend”, he didn’t let you finish your sentence. You were a bit glad that he said it.

“So, you are single?”, you questioned. For which he smirked and leaned a bit on the counter. He looked into your eyes and said, “Yes. I am single. Do you want to ask me out or something?”

“Yes”, you said it without even thinking. His smirk was replaced with a shock now. Realising what you did, you thought of brushing it off but you heard, “Really? You aren’t kidding right?”, he questioned. His eyes were looking for a serious answer, so you didn’t wanna lie. ‘If he rejects, I can regret later’, you thought as you took a deep breath.

“I’m serious, I really am asking you out but, only if you want ofco-”

“YES! YES!”, he practically shouted and made everyone to look at you two. He apologised and everyone went back to what they were doing. Then you noticed him placing some cups on a tray. But… They didn’t seem to have any writings on them. Another worker came and took the plate to serve the customers.

“You didn’t write anything on those cups”

“Yeah… Its… Its actually… only you. I only write on your cup. I thought you knew”, he said making your heart beat even faster. ‘Why was he doing this to my heart? and why didn’t I noticed it before’, you thought as you both blushed.

You both kept quiet not knowing what to say after that. You decided to break the ice and asked, “I never got to know your name. What is it?”

“Its Sanji. May I know your name please”, he asked

“Its Y/N”.

“Oh that's the name of my new drink, what a coincidence”, he playfully said as you raised your eyebrow and looked at him puzzled. 

“Don't look me like that, its a joke”, he said.

After someways you got to know, that it wasn’t a joke. He literally included your favourite as “Y/N’s Favourite” in the menu and everyone loved that drink. You got yourself a drink named after you which was super tasty. You were sure it became everyone’s favourite after that day. You blushed as Kidd and Killer teased you for that. 

“Damn I’m lucky”, you said as you looked at Sanji. His cheeks turned pink as he heard you say that. You both smiled at each other.

XOXOXOXO

I hope you liked it! Please forgive me for any mistakes.

Did you like the story or the song. Tell me how you feel by giving me a Like, Comment and Reblog. Thanks for Reading!

[therefugeofbooks]

I read some amazing books in August, but I was in a weird mood for most of it. So at the beginning of this month, I gave myself a break to rethink my priorities. I think I've been facing reading as a daily chore, and with all the other things in my life, I feel tired. I'm working through a way to be here on Tumblr (that makes me want to read more and more) and my enjoyment for reading.

Anyway, talking about all the books I read in August under the cut!

In reading order:

Winter Counts by David Heska Wanbli Weiden

It's a super interesting thriller set in an Indian reservation and dealing with violence, drugs, corruption, and what justice means. I liked all the twists of the story, although the pacing felt a little bit off in the middle.

Read if you want: short thrillers, vigilante stories.

The Ancestors by Tananarive Due, Brandon Massey and L.A Banks

There are three novellas in this book, and I enjoyed Tananarives's story about ghosts and ancestors. It was spooky and tense, and it lived up to my expectations. Brandon Massey's one had cool elements, but it never really got suspenseful. And L. A Banks's story was not for me.

Felix After Ever by Kacen Callender (x) (x)

I loved this book so much! It deals with painful topics, but the problems and teenagers are so realistic! I laughed, got mad, and cried, and it made me feel so many things and go back to my teenage years. In the end, this is a beautiful story with a message about loving yourself, being open to constantly discover more about yourself, and accepting that we deserve love, an easy and comfortable love.

Read if you want: realistic ya, trans characters, characters questioning their identity, ya about art.

Championess by Tarun Shanker, Kelly Zekas and Amanda Perez Puentes

It's a fun and short graphic novel! See my review here.

Read if you want: historical fiction with non-white protagonists, women challenging gender norms, action graphic novels.

In Deeper Waters by F. T. Lukens

I don't usually go for romance with fantasy, but the blurb mentioned Pirates of the Caribbean, and I got excited! I thought the prince was a bit annoying and naive, but Athlen's story is cool. The resolution of the problem at the end was a bit off for me, but at least it was a happy ending.

Read if you want: lighthearted romance with fantasy.

The Beautiful Ones by Silvia Moreno-Garcia

This story, unfortunately, fell flat for me. I didn't care for the characters and the magical aspect of it was so underused! I kept listening to the audiobook waiting for some interesting turn of events, but it never happened.

Hana Khan Carries On by Uzma Jalaluddin

This book was so good!!! I think I loved the family aspects of it the most and the sense of community. I loved how family stories and secrets are a theme throughout the book! And Hana is such a lovely character, and I cheered for her all the time! I'm soft for stories with podcats, and I loved that she works in the radio industry!

Read if you want: family secrets and stories, enemy to lovers, stories dealing with food, podcast and radio shows.

When Tara met Farah by Tara Pammi

It also fell flat for me. It started with some embarrassing scenes, but at least I was laughing. But it became too cheesy, and the writing was not that good. I was excited about the cultural aspects, and although there are some entertaining themes regarding that, I had to push through the second half of it.

Sadie by Courtney Summers

This book is devastating! It touches on some heavy topics, like abuse, pedophilia, and rape. I knew from the beginning that there'd be some kind of abuse, but all the indications leading to the final revelation shocked me. I liked the structure of the narration, changing from the podcast to Sadie's narration. I loved Sadie as a character. Also, I liked the commentary about how this is a common and overseen story. It's a sad book but beautifully written.

Read if you want: ya thrillers, revenge stories.

The Summer of You by Nagisa Furuya

Read my review here.

The Last Story of Mina Lee by Nancy Jooyoun Kim

It was an emotional and very slow-paced story. It deals with complicated feelings, family relationships, mother and daughter dynamics, immigrant life, and family secrets.

Read if you want: family secrets, complicated family dynamics, immigrant stories.

Grown by Tiffany D. Jackson

This book wrecked me emotionally. It deals with an abusive relationship and the dark side of the music industry. It's the second book by Tiffany D. Jackson that left me devastated, and she's becoming one of my favorite authors. Read the trigger warnings if you're interested.

Read if you want: the dark side of the music industry, ya thrillers/mysteries.

Now Entering Addamsville by Francesca Zappia

I chose to read this book because of the ace mc and the spooky vibes, and I liked Zora a lot. I don't know what exactly I didn't enjoy about the story, but I didn't care much for the other characters or the mystery.

Re-read:

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (x) (x) (x)

Disponíveis em Português (links para os meus reviews no skoob):

O Mar me Levou a Você de Pedro Rhuas (x)

Quem Matou Capitão Gancho? de Anna Anchieta (x)

A Mariana Errada de Julia Braga (x)

And feel free to talk to me about the books of this list :)

Read in: Feb | Mar | Apr | May | June | July

☆Book Photography ☆ Storygraph ☆ Scribd ☆

[piracytheorist]

Fanfic Self Promo: KnightRook

I decided to make a few self-promo posts on my older fics, starting with the ones centered on KnightRook! All are short one shots or drabbles, but they’re worth a little promo after all this time. They’re in a list of older ones first.

~

Missing Knight | T, 2.4k words, written 16 Oct 2017 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Speculative fic about Detective Rogers meeting the girl who, unbeknownst to him, is his own daughter.

I wrote this a little after 7x02 aired, before we knew anything more about Killian’s daughter. I was completely off with it, but I’m still quite happy with it.

~

A Young Tempest | G, 1.3k words, written 20 Oct 2017 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Killian Jones raises his daughter and learns things along with her. 

Another speculative fic about Killian’s history with his daughter. Once again, completely off, but it’s one of my favourite stuff I’ve written.

~

A Song for Goodnight | G, 1.8k words, written 28 Nov 2017 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Alice Jones I sings a lullaby to her son. A long time later, Killian Jones sings the same lullaby to his daughter. Warnings: Canon character death in the past.

I have feels about Killian singing his mother’s lullaby to his daughter. Some of these made it into this fic.

~

Untitled ficlet of Killian thinking about the white elephant he gave Ella | Tumblr link

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A Family by Choice | G, 3.3k words, written 04 Feb 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: The curse is broken, everyone’s memories are back, and Roni with Weaver find a way to remove the poison from Rogers’ heart. But it’s not easy nor perfectly safe, and it might just as well pull that family apart again rather than bring it back together. 

This one is a little sad, as usual with me. But again, lots of feels.

~

The First Rain | G, 590 words, written 25 Mar 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Alice is finally free and gets to explore how being under the rain feels.

This one includes only Alice, but it’s got a lot of focus on KnightRook. (If you thought you’d find happy stuff on my fic, you thought wrong. KnightRook was brimming with angst and I milked the hecc out of it)

~

Mother’s Day | G, 650 words, written 14 May 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Modern AU. Alice makes something for her papa for Mother's Day.

I felt that Killian deserved a little more love and appreciation for raising such a kind human as Alice all on his own. Father’s day doesn’t get as much appreciation as Mother’s day, especially considering it’s usually after school starts summer break. So I felt that in a modern setting, Alice would choose to celebrate her father and their love for each other on Mother's Day at some point.

~

Poor Old Man | G, 530 words, written 12 Mar 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: While in the tower, Killian realizes he's growing old. But not alone. 

There’s a sea shanty with the same name, but only the title has a reference to the story. I just thought that it would be interesting to see Killian, who’d spent his centuries in Neverland not expecting to survive his revenge mission, realize that he’s not only actually growing old, but that he’s also got someone to love and love him back as he does.

~

Sad drabble of “What if Killian hadn’t managed to save Alice from being pulled into her worst nightmare in the finale?” Like, really sad. | Tumblr link

~

Sad Old Hook drabble in direct response to the fic above, because he did end up old and alone. Be sad with me, people. | Tumblr link

~

Marks | T, 1k words, written 15 June 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Little Alice wonders why she doesn’t have any marks on her back, like her papa does. Warnings: Mentions of past physical abuse of a teenager

If you know me, you know I headcanon Killian having multiple scars on his body, many particularly from the time he was a indentured servant as a kid/teen. Being the only one who Alice sees in her first years, she thinks that she’ll grow to have such marks on her body. This is a bit of a melancholic take on Killian trying to explain it to her.

~

Untitled ficlet about Old Hook “fusing” with OG Hook, becoming one with him. | Tumblr link

~

A New Experience | G, 1.3 words, written 19 July 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Killian makes a re-imagining of a storm in the tower for Alice. 

Humans have more senses than vision. In this story, Killian does his best to create an experience for Alice by invoking her other senses. (Also nerding out for my music knowledge by adding an ocean drum)

~

Sad drabble about how Killian seeing his daughter pull away out of fear of hurting him sometimes hurts worse than the curse in his heart. | Tumblr link

~

Under the Weather | G, 2.2 words, written 12 Nov 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Young Alice gets very ill and Killian tries to help her. 

Don’t let my habit for angst worry you, this has a happy ending. The medicine techniques are probably inaccurate, but I wanted to focus on a scenario of Killian trying to heal Alice with the very very limited sources he has.

~

Remembering Alice | G, 424 words, written 04 Dec 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: After Lucy's birth, Killian can't help feeling sad as he remembers how his daughter is forced to live away from him. 

It is what it is. A short angsty thing. Only Killian appears here, but the focus is on KnightRook.

~

A Merry Little Christmas | G, 1.6 words, written 24 Dec 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: This year, Rogers and Tilly won’t spend Christmas Day on their own. 

I don’t participate on Secret Santa and similar events, cause they stress me out over producing a specific kind of content at a specific time. However, all the love people gave to that year's KnightRook Secret Santa inspired me to write a kinda independent contribution, which came out as this. It may not be Christmas yet but the warm, fuzzy feelings are the same!

~

Untitled ficlet about re-awakened Killian thinking how his true self conflicted with Rogers’ memories and original goals. | Tumblr link

I barely remember writing this one, lol. I think, it may have started as a meta post, then it took a fanfic route on its own. Fics be doing that. I’ll probably post it on AO3 at some point, too.

~

Outward-Bound | T, 2.5 words, written 20 Mar 2019 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Old, dishevelled, broken-hearted Hook is drowning his sorrows in alcohol, when he happens upon a familiar face, someone he never imagined he’d see again. Warnings: Depiction of alcoholism

Oh, this be sad! Again, only Killian appears, but the KnightRook feels are prominent.

~

Sad (shocking, I know) drabble about Killian being taken away in the ambulance in 7x20 | Tumblr link

~

The Dreams That Won’t Come True | G, 2.1k words, written 14 Sep 2019 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: Killian and Alice find a way to be together through their dreams... but it doesn't end up being what they expected. 

That made me sad. Almost made me cry when I first wrote it, and I’m very hard to cry.

~

Bonus Fics!

Untitled ficlet with Robyn and Killian; three moments between them | Tumblr link

~

Accepting Happiness | G, 1k words, written 26 Nov 2018 | AO3 link | Tumblr link Summary: A little after reuniting with Alice, Killian takes a moment to try and let everything sink in. Hooked Queen, open to your interpretation.

Some introspective thoughts on how Killian and Regina would feel, right after the climactic ending of the finale, the one set before the final scene. Only Killian and Regina appear, but KnightRook is in focus.

[inchandescence]

To Anon

Question:  Yeolmaes hate baekhyun mostly because his stans are the ones sending most hate to chanyeol and baekhyun never said anything about it, instead he kinda validated their feelings by not showing up to the box premiere, avoiding mentioning him at all costs and straight up saying he doesnt like musical movies Understand that yeolmaes have to deal with hundreds of hate messages written in Korean everyday and they are at a breaking point considering most of them come from bbh’s own fans How is it possible to like chanyeol and baekhyun at the same time in a situation like this? Do you even take chanyeol feelings into consideration? No? Not even once? He has to deal with thousands of nasty comments coming from bbh fanbase while bbh comes on Twitter reminding them how cute they are and how much he loves them If you cbkists choose to ignore this and baekhyun is actually in a relationship with Pcy it just means that you all couldn’t give less of a shit about chanyeol as a person with feelings and are just a bunch of selfish pricks

Answer: Anon...sighs you can't see something from one point of view only really, but it's okay i get you, ok so let us talk about this one by one: 1. You said: Yeolmaes hate baekhyun the most because his stans are the ones sending most hate to chanyeol and baekhyun never say anything about it -When you perceive the assumption that baekhyun stans hate chanyeol the most, did u believe it right or did u question it, like why its baekhyun stans, if its true then since when they started hating chanyeol, and why do they hate chanyeol, does their reason make sense or its just stupid like how other bbhls who hate other exo members too (for example some bbhls hate jd bcs both are main vocalists and they think jd is stealing bh's spot as a vocalist) -But at the same time, we cant find the exact number that would proof that bbhls are the ones who hate chanyeol the most, we only can see what twitter shows us, and it happened to me too that i see bbhls throw hate to chanyeol the most -But at the same time too, I've been seeing yeolmaes who throw hate at baekhyun too since years ago without me knowing the reason why they do that, and I keep questioning it everytime why yeolmaes suddenly started hating baekhyun so bad, when did it start -AND at the same time too, I've been seeing other exo member stans throwing hate to either baekhyun or chanyeol -But my twitter algorithm is the same as you anon, it shows that bbhls hate chanyeol the most and yeolmaes hate baekhyun the most, so I do often make the assumption that bbhls and yeolmaes are always on each other's throat -But yet again, I don't know who started hating the first time, is it bbhls, is it yeolmaes, and why they did that -This knowledge is unknown to me so based on this, to me the most right way is to think that both sides are wrong because hating is always the worse way to deal with things, the fact that we know is chanyeol and baekhyun are good friends they are always there for each other, usually when ppl see im saying this they will say its fake and its fan service, but people can choose to not see what they dont wanna see, so the easiest proofs to prove that chanyeol and baekhyun are good friends is one chanyeol is the only member in exo that baekhyun wished happy birthday on his instagram, two both of them support each other for candy and 1 billion views by coming to the mv bts, three baekhyun and chanyeol go to vocal lessons together, four chanyeol had taken a photo with all of baekhyun's bucheon friends before so in that photo baekhyun, chanyeol, and baekhyun's bucheon friends (istg if people see these as fan service then it doesnt make sense right?)

Before we go to the next thing, I have this assumption that chanyeol and baekhyun are two members that have the highest popularity in sk, either they are the top 3 or top 4, and my reason is bcs everytime there are individual album/photobook covers sold offline, their individual covers sold out the fastest, everytime, even with nature republic stuffs, ok so there's this possibility that we keep seeing yeolmaes and bbhls on each other's throat everytime bcs well both of them are two of the most popular exo members in SK (i mean even in china, chanyeol and baekhyun are the most popular members with sehun, there's data for this)

2. You said: Baekhyun never say anything about this, he kinda "validated their feelings by not showing up to the box premiere and voiding mentioning him at all costs and straight up saying he doesnt like musical movies"

-First of all, let's look at a bigger picture, is there any idol in the k-industry like ANY IDOL that ever said to their fans "guys don't say that to my member" IS THERE. ANY.? what I know is: there is none, none at all zero zip nothing, and if there's at least one or two idols, then its just one or two idols right -And thats it anon, thats just about it, idols dont have the absolute freedom of speech, they never do, and its hurting them all of them, all they can say is: "I love EXO, I miss EXO members the most, EXO is my home" and most solo stans who see that will just say "its bs" yet solo stans are also asking for proofs that the members relationship are fine -None of these kpop idols ever say anything about hate speech from their fans that are thrown to their friends/bandmates, and this kind of thing happens in every fandom anon, not just chanyeol and baekhyun, it's just how korean entertainment industry is, idols never have the ultimate freedom to say or do anything

3. Not showing up to the box premiere, avoiding mentioning him, saying he doesnt like musical movies -That not showing up to the box premiere really changed the way you think huh anon, yeah I think that event also changed many yeolmaes' perspectives sighs okay, not showing up to the box premiere is like a very open information we can easily see it from one tweet that didnt mention baekhyun name during that event -BUT for other cases "avoid mentioning him" and "saying he doesnt like musical movies" is not a very open information, by this i mean u have to read alllll of the things baekhyun say, look at the trans for all of his vlives/shows/etc, read the whole trans for baekhyun's last vlive before he goes to the military, so u or other yeolmaes after that situation are either trying to "search for baekhyun's act or words that deny fans opinion about how they hate each other" bcs u still "have hope in baekhyun" or "search for baekhyun's act or words that support my perspective about how he hates chanyeol and never defend cy from bbhls" -"Validate their feelings" how? once again, it's just what bbhls think, did baekhyun do and say all of that because well "his motive is to support bbhls that hate chanyeol" and who are you, who are we to say that, are we our bias? can we go inside their minds and goes aha! this is why they do this and that! well no. because once again thats the entertainment industry, the chances for idols to "explain" all of the bad situations esp when its about how their fans act, is very veryyy low, or like the chance is even minus

-We are just fans who watch them on cam, without knowing what's on their mind or what is everything they are going through behind the camera, we know nothing, all of our opinions are just perspective that our mind created that turned into assumptions, we could never know the truth because kpop industry prevents their artist from showing the truths that may "hurt" people, who actually deserve to be hurt, but those people are the "money makers" for the company, it's bad it's toxic it's awful that just bcs they have to "maintain the money makers" idols can never get that freedom -Same goes with baekhyun, gdi we dont know him, we really really dont know him, his mind, his motives and reasons for his actions, who are we to judge him and call him selfish? -But what we know is baekhyun helping to defend chanyeol when that fake rumor was spreading by tweeting the mosquito thing, what we know is baekhyun and chanyeol doing their choreo for DFTF together that was practiced since early 2021 until before they enlist, what we know is baekhyun saying chanyeol he's fine when fans asked on japanese fansign, what we know is them still doing vocal lessons together, going to vocal lesson tgt too on march after the box premiere (bcs chanyeol's hair was grey in the vlog) before they enlist, what we know is baekhyun loving and singing "tomorrow" tgt with chanyeol, so what we know is they keep spending time with each other as bandmates and friends 

"do you ever take chanyeol's feeling into consideration, you all couldnt give less of a shit about chanyeol as person with feelings and are just a bunch of selfish pricks" 1. Baekhyun tweeting that mosquito tweet to defend chanyeol -Responses>> People went: oh he's just defending himself, he's being selfish once again, he doesnt care about chanyeol 2. Baekhyun answering fans question about chanyeol's condition -Responses>> No one translated this after few days OP has translated Original post Jan 29: https://twitter.com/tomo_exo/status/1355177834185064451?s=20 First ever translation on FEB 13 (AND FROM A CBKIST): https://twitter.com/NTH_2705/status/1360626904756228096?s=20 Also this cbkist isnt always active translating, I know her, she's not on Twitter as much as other trans account and she doesnt understand japanese, so she actually found the post on weibo and translated it from chinese thats why it was translated 2 weeks after, but before her? does ANY account translate this? well no. 3. Baekhyun and Chanyeol doing choreo in DFTF tgt -No BTS, no anything from SM, people who hate seeing them tgt can ignore easily, chanbaek stans can only watch the part over and over 4. Baekhyun and Chanyeol practicing their hitting the woah part in just usual mv -Again no one commented about this, except chanbaek stans bcs this is easily ignored 5. Lesson With Baekhyun -Responses>> yeolmaes went "chanyeol don't do this, chanyeol im not watching this, chanyeol what are you doing, i want chanyeol only, oh god why is chanyeol with him again, chanyeol is feeding chanbaekist, his fans (bbhls) gonna come at us again, fuck this im not watching" and bbhls went "the translation is wrong look theyre trying to sabotage bbh" and yeolmaes replied with "good for him haha, ya serves him right for being selfish" and also "why is it always chanyeol who does this kind of thing and never baekhyun? oh right because hes selfish hes sm golden boy he never gonna do this bcs his channel is own by SM" "look he promoted kyoongtube even in the nng" "look SM posted kyoongtube but not NNG u can see whos the mistreated one him"

All of those 5 things I mentioned, even tho some are small things....they got mostly negative responses from yeolmaes and bbhls who are not cbkist dont they? The things that prove chanyeol and baekhyun are always there for each other and they are bandmates, true friends, nothing change between them And yet, what did bbhls and yeolmaes do? Throw negative shits and comments to those things, esp Lesson With Baekhyun, and until now still hate Baekhyun... when Lesson With Baekhyun, is a vlog recorded by Chanyeol alone, he taped his phone in the car, he added Candy MV BTS with Baekhyun calling him "chanyeol ah" and baekhyun smiling while holding the food, a vlog where he praised baekhyun's vocals, prepared playlist for him, sing tomorrow together with him, laughing during their vocal lesson, and just...doing things tgt

And yet people still call it a fanservice? feeding chanbaekist? baekhyun is still selfish? when chanyeol worked hard preparing that vlog, providing it for us, baekhyun and chanyeol practicing their part tgt for DFTF, baekhyun tweeting the mosquito tweet

When Chanyeol and Baekhyun have done so many things together, after the fake rumor, after the box premiere, proving they are still good friends... so do you even take chanyeol's feelings into consideration? oh wait not just feelings, his efforts, his time, him uploading to NNG about him hanging out with Baekhyun, have you ever take that to consideration? or just ignore all those facts because "whatever i still hate baekhyun" 

So two options: 1. Hating and keep hating and telling others selfish because yall hate the fact that baekhyun never do this and that, that yall wanted him to do, but actually we don't know the reason why, we just don't know anything at all, accept assumptions that "baekhyun validated fans feeling" and thats according to you, your mind, your perspective, oh wait... it's all about you? 2. Know and accept and support and love, chanyeol and baekhyun's friendship, because thats what we know, thats what themselves say to us, thats what themselves been doing, accepting the fact that "chanyeol and baekhyun are good friends" and know we are not in the position to turn the friendship into bad relationship bcs what? bcs it comes from chanyeol and baekhyun themselves, not yeolmaes, not bbhls, not even exols, and so be a fan that know chanyeol and baekhyun have good relationship, keep reporting bbhls who said bad things about cy and vice versa, bcs what? we never want chanyeol to see that after lesson with baekhyun, apparently his "fans" still think baekhyun, his best friend and bandmate, is still a selfish person who doesnt care about chanyeol, so chanyeol is happy that we know and appreciate his relationship with baekhyun, with exo members because we care about chanyeol's feelings, because we trust his actions, his words, and we love everything he does, and also we love everyone around chanyeol that he loves

So choose... and last thing, are social media and on cam interactions, are enough to "measure" a group of people's relationships, so if your best friend never post any picture of you on their instagram and never tell stories about you to other people who well, actually are also strangers, living thousand miles away from you and your best friend, then it's okay for those strangers to say that your best friend hates you? avoiding to be affiliated with you? a selfish person? Have people ever think that it's tiring that just because you're a celebrity, you have to show everything, including minds, feelings, emotions, actions, personal reasons, to your fans? For them to be validated? And for them to turn into facts? Well, at least for me, the things I don't know then I don't know, I don't have the right to judge, and the things I know, especially positive things, that came from my own idols, that's what I'm holding on, that's what I support. *extra note: exo members always call us as EXO-Ls, not bbhls, not yeolmaes, not anyone, but EXO-Ls, so when they say they love us, "loved ones" are those who say themselves are EXO-Ls, who loves EXO as 9 members, because that's the fact

Have a good day anon, stay safe and healthy, God bless you, spread love and not hate

[jacaranda-bloom]

October Fic Rec

I’ve been super slack in doing my monthly fic recs of late (sorry!) so this list covers the last 3 months and there’s lots of lovely fics to devour!

In this instalment, there are fics from @lesbianiconharrystyles @kingsofeverything @mediawhorefics @lululawrence @harryanthus @evilovesyou @fallinglikethis @cocoalou @gaycousinlarry @comebackassholes @daggerandrose @allwaswell16 @sadaveniren @all-these-larrythings @wait4ever @jaerie @laynefaire @harrybridgers and @missandrogyny.

Thank you to all the writers for sharing their wonderful talent with us. Please don’t forget to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoy their work. 💜

New Reads

💜 Ever Since I Tried Your Way | @lesbianiconharrystyles / flowercrownfemme | E | 26k | June 2020 | 1940′s/50′s, farm/ranch, farmer Louis, farmer Harry, virgin Harry, gay cowboys, repression, internalised homophobia, hurt/comfort, gender exploration, marriage kink, feminisation, romantic face shaving, body worship, country music | As soon as I started this fic I knew it wouldn’t be able to put it down. It’s just... gosh. The writing is stunning and I was completely immersed from the first page to the last.

💜 Have Love, Will Travel | @kingsofeverything | E | 97k | Sept 2020 | road trip, camping, friends to lovers, smut, humour, youtube, POV Louis, slow burn | God, this story was everything I wanted it to be and so much more. Amazing relationship building and great communication. Hilarious, brilliant dialogue, heartwarming.

💜 Love You In The Dark | Perzikje | E | 10k | Oct 2020 | wedding night, arranged marriage, smut, dubious consent | Sexual exploration and first times. Check authors note.

💜 All These Lights | @mediawhorefics | E | 35k | Nov 2015 | ABO, X Factor, consensual under age sex, omega Harry, alpha Louis, angst with a happy ending, smut | I’m a sucker for a good ABO fic and this one didn’t disappoint.

💜 I Go Down Blazing, Feeling Like I’m Going Crazy (series) | @lululawrence | NR | 30k | Niall / Rory McIlroy | Oct 2020 | soulmates, famous/famous, singer Niall, golfer Rory, pining, diet angst, no smut, heartbreak weather, based on Dear Patience and Bend The Rules | This was my first time reading Niall/Rory and I adored it. Brilliant take on the soulmate trope too, heartwarming and tender. 

💜 Who Do You Burn For | @harryanthus | NR | 4k | Oct 2020 | strangers to lovers, implied/referenced drug use, references to addition | I am such a massive fan of this author and I will inhale anything they publish. More like poetry than prose. So evocative.

💜 Point. Drop, Call. | @evilovesyou / 4ureyesonly28 | G | 1.6k | Jan 2020 | summer, best friends, summer romance, first kiss, party games, mutual crushes, coming out | This was absolutely adorable and managed to provide a whole-ass story in 1,610 words. All the summer feels.

💜 Eat Your Vegetables | bananaheathen | M | 9k | Aug 2020 | soccer player Louis, nutritionist Harry, shopping, banter, sexual realisation, smut | This fic sucked me in from the very first page, so much so that when I went back to grab the link to add to this post I ended up re-reading the entire thing. So witty and sweet and all the goodness in the world.

💜 For Wanting | anonymous | E | 5k | Oct 2020 | post mpreg Louis, male lactation, body worship, lactation kink, strangers to lovers, neighbours, dirty talk | Really sweet and hot, beautifully written. 

💜 Pillow Talk | @fallinglikethis | E | 26k | Feb 2016 | friends to lovers, sexuality crisis, first time, mutual pining | I have no idea how I’ve never read this fic. Such a clever plot and perfectly delivered. Hot and funny and sweet and all the loveliness.

💜 The End | @harryanthus | T | 5k | Aug 2020 | post-war, selectively mute Louis, soldier Harry, psychological trauma, hopeful ending, non-specific time period | This is everything I usually avoid reading but this writer’s words just do something to my brain and I let down all of my protective barriers and dive in not caring about what I’m going to be faced with. I’m yet to be disappointed. When I read their fics I always feel like I’m floating or drowning or... I don’t even know how to describe it, but yeah. Wow.

💜 The Anticipation of Knowing You | @cocoalou / sweetrevenge | T | 13k | Sept 2020 | strangers to lovers, neighbours, pen pals, love letters, baked goods as a wooing technique | This was all kinds of lovely and funny and sweet. The premise is brilliant and I understand that we’re to be blessed with parts 2 and 3 in the near future, so yay!

💜 It’s Halftime. Are You Ready To Go? | @gaycousinlarry / momentofclarity | E | 12k | Oct 2017 | friends to lovers, awkward boners, pining, banter, flirting, dirty talk, body worship, smut, watching football as a seduction technique, Niall texts Harry terrible sporting innuendos to make him sweat, jockstraps | So fucking good. Sexy and cute and funny. Could read this one again and again.

💜 Salvation Let’s Their Wings Unfold | twoshipstiedup | M | 14k | May 2019 | angels and demons, heaven and hell, angel Louis, demon Harry, humour, fluff, romance | So much love for this fic. Way less heavy than the tags suggest. Niall is both supremely unhelpful and the captain of the ship as always. Fluffy and fun and romantic.

💜 Dom Louis (series) | @comebackassholes / dimpled_halo | E | 12k | Mar 2020 | dom Louis, sub Marcel, BDSM, kink negotiation | God. This series is amazing. Hot and sweet and nnnrrgggh. Really hope we get more in this universe.

💜 For You I’d Bleed Myself Dry | @daggerandrose / amomentoflove | E | 50k | May 2019 | vampire Louis, human Harry, soulmates, king Louis, angst, depression, blood drinking, past abuse, past kidnapping | I absolutely loved this fic. Beautifully written and so thick with emotion. Check tags, summary and author notes.

💜 Interview With The Vampire | @allwaswell16 | E | 4k | Louis / Robert Pattinson | Sept 2020 | ABO, omega Louis, alpha Rob, journalist Louis, actor, Rob, interviews, humour, bad cooking, bad flirting, scenting, knotting, smut | The rare pair I never knew I needed. Wow. Brilliantly told story. Cute and cheeky and fluffy and hot. Loved it.

💜 Fellowship of Eroda | @sadaveniren | E | 5k | Feb 2020 | dungeons and dragons, gaming, hate to love, BDSM, face slapping, facials, wrestling, choking, spanking, Louis is a brat, so is Harry a bit | Adored this. Such a clever plot and the writing is amazing as always.

💜 Brooklyn Saw Me | alreadyhome | E | 29k | Nov 2017 | homeless Louis, uni student Harry, no-graphic violence, homophobia, angst, slow burn, hurt/comfort, NYC | Painfully beautiful and so well written. Loved it from start to finish.

💜 It Feels Different When You’re With Me | @all-these-larrythings / rearviewdreamer | M | 45k | May 2020 | deaf Louis, sign language instructor Harry, slow burn, mentions of major character injury in the past | God. This fic is amazing. Gorgeous writing and so romantic and sweet.

💜 You’re Music To My Eyes | @fallinglikethis @wait4ever / recycledstardust | T | 6k | July 2020 | blind Louis, Be My Eyes app, volunteer Harry, TPWK | This fic is truly wonderful, romantic and so sweet. It even encouraged me to sign up for the app and I’ve taken two calls already!

💜 We’ll Be Alright | @jaerie | E | 20k | Feb 2020 | ABO, alpha Harry, omega Louis, major illness, sick Harry, sex therapist Louis, dubious ethics, sexual dysfunction, depression, recovery, mating, knotting, unplanned pregnancy | Gosh. So good. So hot. So lovely.

💜 Let Me Be Your Everlasting Light | @laynefaire | M | 12k | Aug 2020 | established relationship, northern lights, Norway, romance, proposal | Loved every beautiful word of this. So romantic and sweet. Can I go to Norway please?

Re-Reads

💜 Here In The Afterglow | @harrybridgers / fondleeds | E | 89k | Dec 2016 | 1970′s AU, small town America, gay rights movement, period-typical homophobia, strange to friends to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort, bullying, high school | Re-read of an old fave which hits differently each time I revisit it. Hauntingly beautiful and heartbreaking in some parts, but ultimately uplifting and hopeful.

💜 Led By Your Beating Heart | @missandrogyny | E | 30k | Oct 2015 | famous Harry, non-famous Louis, Call or Delete, Cute Lou from the Loo, coming out, smut, banter, romance | Still one of my all time faves. The plot is delicious and the flow of the whole story just makes me smile throughout. I find myself going back to this one every few months. Romantic and fluffy and sexy as all hell.

💜 Is This Seat Taken? | Lainy122 | E 35k | Dec 2015 | famous Harry, non-famous Louis, popstar Harry, seat-filler Louis (eventually), Louis and Zayn make bets, penis-shaped cashew nuts, miscommunication, shitty PR tactics | One of my all-time fave fics. I must’ve read this one more than ten times by now and it never disappoints. Funny and sweet and hot.

💜 When The Sun Won’t Let You Sleep | @allwaswell16 | E | 30k | July 2018 | enemies to lovers, scientist Louis, scientist Harry, Antarctica, sexual tension, smut, diet angst | Such an interesting plot that is handled so beautifully. I adore all of this authors work but this definitely up there with my faves.

[seaweedbrain404]

Wolfstar Au!: Epilogue pt 1 (the last part of Parties and Morning Regrets)

pt1 of the fic

read it on ao3

epilogue pt2

previous pt

i had to split the epilogue into two part because it was too long for tumblr, anyway tagging @icitlali for the second last time

5 years later - a year told through footage from Sirius Black’s camera

Jan 3

A tall, lanky man with tawny hair and barely visible freckles sat in an armchair with a book in his lap. A few moments passed before the man looked up.

“Fuck off Sirius”

A voice off camera spoke: “but Remus, you look really sexy when you’re reading”

Remus laughed, shaking his head. “Tea?”

“Yeah”

Remus stood up, making his way to the kitchen, and Sirius followed. He switched the kettle on and grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. “Turn off the camera, Sirius”

Feb 20

The door to a new apartment. Remus had his hand on the doorknob.

“Okay now-“ Sirius’ voice said off camera.

Remus pushed the door open to reveal a slightly nicer apartment. Sirius walked in, camera in hand and pulled Remus into a kiss.

“It’s all ours” He flipped the camera around, to document the new apartment. “No more James and Lily shagging and me walking in on them”

Remus laughed. “We get to decorate it the way we want it”

“Does that mean-“

“No, absolutely no leather couches”

“Remus” Sirius whined and flipped the camera back to himself. “Remus has something against leather and apparently style too” he said into the camera.

Remus appeared beside him, kissing his cheek. “I said I’d either agree to a dog or the couches and you picked the dog”

“Cause dogs are cool”

Mar 10

A birthday cake with chocolate frosting. Remus was in front of it, ready to blow out the candles. Lily, James, Marlene, Dorcas, Mary and Peter Pettigrew were all standing around him while Sirius filmed.

“....Happy birthday dear Remus! Happy birthday to you!”

Remus blew out the candles, everyone cheered and Lily began cutting the cake. There was a small, dark haired boy who squeezed himself onto Remus’ lap.

“Happy birthday Uncle Moo’y!” The little boy cheered, turning around and hugging Remus.

“Thank you Harry”

“Your Uncle’s getting old, eh?” Sirius’ voice off camera spoke suddenly.

“Bugger off”

“Yeah, bugger off!” cheered Harry again, hoping off and running to the next person.

“Come on, I wanna interview you”

“Why?” Remus asked but took Sirius’ outstretched hand anyway.

“It’ll be fun” Sirius flipped the camera to show himself and Remus. He turned back to kiss Remus for a second before pulling him along again.

They walked across the hall to their bedroom and Sirius pushed Remus into a spare chair. He flipped the camera again, to show Remus.

“State your name”

“Sirius, you know my name”

“State your name”

“Remus Lupin”

“What age are you today?”

“28”

“How are you feeling today?”

“Good, I’m confused though” Remus laughed. “Why are we doing this interview?”

“So that you have something to look back on when you’re like 88”

“Does that mean I get to interview you in November?”

“Maybe… okay, who are your friends?”

“Lily and James, Dorcas and Marlene and Mary”

“Aren’t you forgetting someone?”

“I wouldn’t count a 3-year-old as a friend”

“I’m not talking about Harry”

Remus smiled, shrugging. “Well no, you’re not my friend, people who are in love usually aren’t friends”

“So, you’re in love with me?”

“Far too much for my own good”

Remus walked out of frame, the camera turned off.

April 29

A picnic blanket and a tree. Remus was leaning against the tree, eyes closed. There was a small child on his lap, also asleep.

James suddenly appeared in frame, obscuring Remus and Harry. “Whatcha doing?”

“Trying to have a nice moment”

James turned around so that the back of his head was visible. “I wanna hose them”

“Remus will kill me”

“It’ll be fun”

“Fine”

The camera cuts.

May 16

A beach, this time the camera was left on a rock. Sirius and Remus were both visible in frame. The sun was setting over the ocean, making the sky a bright pink.

Sirius kissed Remus, pulling him closer by the belt loops in his jeans. Remus’ hands were loosely around his neck.

Sirius pushed Remus away and knelt on the ground to propose. “Remus, will you?” he asked the question and glanced back at the camera.

Remus’ hands went to mouth, covering his nose as well. Tears welled up in his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah, I’ll marry you”

The camera ran out of battery.

June 6

Another picnic blanket. Lily, James, Harry, Marlene, Dorcas and Remus were all sitting on it and smiling or waving at the camera. A dog was running around them, finally settling down with his head on Remus’ lap.

The others were chatting amongst themselves. Harry's chocolate covered face was momentarily zoomed in on. The camera panned from him across to Remus.

“Come on Sirius” Remus’ hands were outstretched towards the camera.

“I’m coming, I’m coming” Sirius' voice said off camera. “I’m just admiring the view”

There was a zoom in on Remus who laughed. “You’re literally pointing it at me!”

“That’s the point, love”

[kirencer]

febuary seventh (i’m seeing you)

Y/n and Spencer's relationship collide around a single day: the one where they first looked into each others eyes.

[Or, the all of the secret love letters they wrote during the beginning of their relationship]

Word count: (part one and two) 9.2k

Relationship: Spencer Reid x GN! Reader

Warnings: Language, dub-con (pool kiss scene is depicted as something that made Spencer uncomfy), vulgar language, allusion to Spencer for a moment being horny

Rating: Gen audiences

A/N: All of these letters are rewrites of ones I got from someone, as well as rewrites of ones I gave them. Reader is GN and AFAB but a trans masc reader was more in mind (the French bits)

Part One

Y/n L/n— Jan 15 (2008) 11:31

Not sure if you'll ever read this but, je suis amoureux de toi. I love you, so much. It’s almost maddening

Sometimes, I just sit at my desk, thinking about you, thinking about us. You've stolen my heart and made a home in my mind. I love the idea of our future and I can't wait for it. I want to share everything with you; a last name; a home; a bed; a family; everything (except a toothbrush, that's a bit too close, sorry!)

Y/n L/n— Jan 15 (2008) 11:55

I can't wait to touch you, to hug you, kiss you, run my hands through your hair or wrap my arms around your hips and hold you close to me.

I can't wait to wake up next to you, to dance with you, to just be with you. I want to spend the rest of forever with you. I want to listen to your voice, to hear you talk about nothing in specific, just speaking so I hear your beautiful voice. Even if I’ve never heard it, I know it’s beautiful.

I can't wait to grow old with you. I hope the last thing I see before nothingness is you, your perfect face.

Y/n L/n— Jan 26 (2008) 22:22

This feels awkward to admit.

I usually consider myself smart, or at least good with words but with you in the picture, all English escapes me; with just a thought of you, I can barely manage a sentence, you get me so flustered I can't even think properly.

Though I'd be a damn liar if I said I didn't like the way you make me feel.

Y/n L/n— Feb 7, (2008) 04:10

Y/n L/n, I want you to be my forever, I love you more than anything (even reading and that says a lot).

I'm not feeling great right now which makes it hard to think of the words I'm trying to say but that won't really stop me.

You're the vowels to my consonants, you may not feel like a lot but you're so fucking important. I want to wake up next to you, your pretty face - have I mentioned I love your face? - holding each other, our bodies tangled together and someday having to break apart to check on our children.

I want to just exist with you, I don't care what happens as long as I'm with you. I want to dance around our kitchen at midnight, in only underwear just because, it won't matter, it's our lives and we're together. I want to just talk to you, maybe sitting on a roof at two in the morning, staring at the sky and not caring that it's out of reach because the only thing I want to touch is the person next to me.

Y/n, you are my tomorrow and I can't wait for you to be my today.

Y/n L/n— Feb 7, (2008) 11:20

I saw you smile today, like for real, in person. It was the most beautiful sight I've ever experienced. It made me feel like the most important thing in existence, it was perfect and for that moment, everything was okay, nothing mattered but you.

I didn't think I could love you more than I already did, I wasn't sure it was physically possible, and then I saw you, in person, in the town I've lived since I was 22, in the convention center I'd been so many times before.

With you sitting here the place feels important, this place is special. You're right here, right now and I've never been so happy.

I'm so nervous, but I'm happy, I mean you're here, this is all real, and god you so much more than perfect.

I can tell you really love DnD because the second I walked into the hall, I saw you were smiling.

This is honestly just a room full of nerds but that's cool, everyone's happy to be here, and I’d be the biggest liar if I said I wasn’t a nerd.

Y/n L/n— Feb 7, (2008) 19:50

I spoke to you, it took way too long, longer than I'd like to admit, but I did it.

I hugged you today, I made you smile. I wanted to kiss you, properly. I was too nervous though, I was scared. (Touches are scary enough as just a thought!) I also knew that if I kissed you it'd just make us both even more upset about being apart again. I'm so glad I got to spend almost half of the day with you, it was amazing.

We sang together and I've never felt so comfortable than in those moments, reciting poetry with you was probably the best part of my day aside from you kissing me . We also laughed together a lot and you let me lay on your shoulder, I almost fell asleep twice. It was really nice, just being with you, even though we weren't even close enough to touch each other most of the time.

I can't wait to see you again, I might count the days!

Y/n L/n— Feb 8, (2008) 01:33

I have to admit, when I first caught a glimpse of you, I only saw your hair.

The back of your head from maybe thirty feet away.

I saw your hair, and everything slowed down, I moved forward, I can't remember how fast- that part's a bit of a blur- I got closer and my whole body froze up, maybe I was still a little cold, but I couldn't bring myself to move, kind of glad my scarf covered half of my face. I watched, seeing more and more of you as time passed, just small glimpses of your adorable face, and it felt like every part of my body was on fire.

My heart was racing and I couldn't believe it, this was real, I was real, you were real and we were mere seconds away from each other, finally.

I turned around and walked out - I was overheating in my sweater – and I came back to keep watching you. This was around the time you, I think, actually noticed me, but you weren't the only one. They knew I was looking for you - well, looking at you, really. They asked questions and I gave half-witted, half-baked responses, still watching you then you looked at me, you smiled. My heart stopped and for a moment, I thought you'd killed me, with your stunning looks, obviously. I smiled back when I was finally self aware again, and the next thing I know, I'm sitting two feet away from you, and shaking.

Y/n L/n— Feb 8, (2008) 20:20

I'm starting to think I'm obsessed with you, that I'm addicted to you, anyway. That’s a bit of a problem, I’ve told you about Dilaudid so you understand why.

You asked me to sit with you and your party, I had already decided that I wanted to, and I was going to try to, I had just really wanted to be close to you, I wanted to touch you, you were so close but so fucking far.

I wanted nothing more than for you to steal my first kiss, though I knew I wouldn't mind if you didn't, I'm an impatient person, I'm perfectly okay going your speed, whatever that may be. I will say honestly, it wouldn’t be my first kiss. My true first kiss was in a pool, truly against my will. I’ve erased what I can from that and will regard the first time my lips are on yours as my first kiss.

I didn’t just end up with your party, I was a part of it. I played your character (bee-da), and I used the dice set you gave me. I was excited but I also felt the fatigue setting in. I started shifting closer to you, moving my body closer to yours. I fought to hold in a whine when you'd move in your seat, making it a bit harder for me to do what I was trying to do.

I offered you a hug, it was kind of selfish, I was truly asking more for myself than I'd like to admit. You said yes and I felt the weight on my heart disappear. I hugged you and I felt okay. It's a feeling I'd sacrifice my life to feel again. I laid my head on your shoulder and I felt you shift for me, you made sure I was comfortable, I'm not sure if you even realized you'd done it.

I was only growing more tired as the afternoon continued, I knew why (I hadn't been eating, at all, really) but I wasn't going to tell you. I began to doze off a few times, it was difficult trying to stay awake while feeling more comfortable and safe than ever before.

I just wanted you.

All I want is you

All I've wanted for a while now, is you

I want you so badly. In so many ways.

Y/n L/n— Feb 9, (2008) 08:08

I love you

The words I felt on the tip of my tongue for hours before I actually said them to you. I really wanted to, I wanted to sit next to you, mumble 'I love you' so quietly that it was just for your ears and kiss you, so that everyone saw. I didn't and I'm kind of upset with myself but I didn't want you to be uncomfortable, you'd just said you were so nervous.

I watched you eat, you didn't seem to eat much so I hoped you'd been eating before I got back. I wanted right then as we sat across from each other to announce it, so all of your friends could hear (or at least some), and say 'i love you'. I didn't, I was scared, I was nervous, of making you uncomfortable.

When I sat next to you, I still wanted to say it, I wanted to sing it, to shout it, anything and everything I could to show you just how much I love you. I tried to force the words out, they wouldn't come and for the first time in a while, I was upset with my anxiety. I kept looking at you and glancing at you, hoping it wasn't obvious that I was so upset. I want to smash my head into the table but I knew you'd notice that.

When I finally said 'I love you' the satisfaction was so great, it's indescribable. You said it back and I felt so good, I don't know why it felt so different feeling you say it, right next to me, but it was. I wanted to keep saying it, 'I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you' I didn't, I was scared to annoy you.

I wanted to kiss you, so many times that day, that still perfect day. When I first saw you, part of me wanted to run over and pull you into my arms and kiss you. I didn't, I didn't want to be the one to make a scene. I wanted to call out to you, I wanted to shout, "Y/n!" I wanted you to see me, to hear me, but I chose to wait.

When I was sitting near you, I wanted to turn around and press a kiss to the back of your head, I kept turning around, trying to force myself to do it. I never did. When we were centimeters away from each other, I wanted to press a kiss to your cheek, to your neck, your nose, your lips. I was scared of someone seeing at that point. I was kind of scared of your friends, that's why I didn't talk much.

I wanted to be closer to you, I was already so close, I was touching you for half of the day, but I wanted to be closer, I couldn't help it, I was seeing you in person for the first time, you're even prettier in person, and you smelled so nice and it felt so familiar already even though I had never experienced anything like it.

I wanted you. I still do, I always do, you're just so perfect, how could I not?

Y/n L/n— Feb 9, (2008) 09:47

You pulled my hair, I'd really wanted you to do it again. I– I had to bite my lip or I'd have definitely let out a sound, I honestly wasn't prepared for that and becoming- in front of your friends was not on my agenda, actually.

I can still feel it, the sensation of your hands reaching into my hair to run through it and tugging, I loved that feeling. And I would walk a hundred (and twenty) miles to feel it again, among everything else, I hope you know that.

Y/n L/n— Feb 9, (2008) 11:15

I love you so much it hurts.

I love you so much that it brings me physical pain to think about the fact that I can't touch you, the fact that I can't kiss you, the fact that I can't run my hands through your hair when I can't sleep at night.

It hurts a lot, but I know my patience and my pain will be worthwhile once I can do it. When I can once again see your eyes gleam with a perfect kind of joy, when I can hold you, my arms around you, and yours around me.

I swear to the gods, as soon as I'm able I'm going to see you again, nothing will stop me, I will fight anything standing in my way.

I love you so much it hurts. It's a pain that'll make me stronger. I'm okay with that.

Y/n L/n— Feb 9, (2008) 14:45

This one’s a little different. I’m sorry

When Morgan called me to say we had a case, I got upset, he knew how excited I had been to be able to see you. I wanted to yell at him and I almost did, then I remembered where I was, and who was around me. A bunch of people who didn’t deserve to watch/listen to me have a mental breakdown down on the phone, so instead of arguing, for your sake, I just agreed.

I wanted to run out there and scream at him, but I knew I wasn't thinking. i was letting my emotions take over, so i didn’t. I went back and hugged you, one last time. I wanted to cry because I knew it wouldn’t last long enough. I wanted so badly to stay there and tell my mentor to fuck off, I didn’t. Maybe I should’ve.

When I got back to my city, to my place of work, I just sat at my desk until we left for the airport. I didn’t even change. I’m surprised I didn't start crying. The relief I had felt from seeing you was gone and left behind was a frustration and want that had to have been tangible. I kept writing my next letter to you because it was my only comfort other than the lingering feeling of your presence and the memory of your scent. I ended up falling asleep on the jet, I can't remember when, I was too upset.

I woke up, some part of me expecting to be somewhere else, I just wanted to recover from the nightmare I’d had- I don’t know why it happened but it did and I wanted to cry, it felt disgustingly real. I just wanted someone to comfort me and tell me everything’s okay and that I’m safe. But I don’t have that. I’m sorry, the highlight of my day today has been writing to you and reading what you wrote.

Y/n L/n— Feb 9, (2008) 15:45

I’m so scattered right now, but I think about you and I feel okay. You’re not really just my tomorrow anymore. You are my today and my tomorrow, you have been the entire time, I’m just blind.. You’re my forever, and I love that. I keep getting lost in my thoughts thinking about you, damn, imagine if you were next to me, I couldn't possibly stay on track doing anything, you’re such a distraction. I love you.

Y/n L/n— Feb 10, (2008) 09:10

I have yet to actually tell you this and I feel kind of bad you're finding out this way but it's also the reason why I haven't told you about it.

A few weeks ago, my attacks had gotten worse and I've been fighting nightmares almost nightly.

Friday, I was really fucking nervous, I was partially convinced that you'd hate me when you saw me, you didn't though, that was relieving. I was literally shaking, I was terrified. When you said hi, as awkward as it felt and was, it made me feel less anxious. I felt bad when I left because I didn't want you to think I wasn't coming back.

I was trying really hard to seem like I wasn't about to cry but I was so anxious and I felt like it wasn't working. You didn't ask so I told myself it was fine, eventually, I was alright, it was really calming just being around you, and I liked that a lot.

I love you lots and I really hope I can come to see you on your birthday. If there is a case, I will see you as soon as I can.

Y/n L/n— Feb 10, (2008) 12:12

I had a dream

I'm glad I had it, it was nice.

I remember as I fell asleep I wished for the warmth and comfort of another human, specifically you, because I decided if I had to overheat I wanted it to be because I had my favorite person next to me. I was kinda disappointed in the gods when I woke up and you weren't there though.

I was dreaming that we were together, I've no clue where we were but we were in a bed, cuddling. I have no idea what led up to this moment, but I don't think I need to know. Your arms were around me, your hair was in my face and I could feel you breathing. It was amazing, you were talking to me, I can't remember everything you said, but there were a lot of 'I love you's and it was perfect. It was soft and warm and quiet and peaceful.

I can't wait for it to come true.

Y/n L/n— Feb 11, (2008) 19:22

When I was little, I wanted everything in my life to be big, beautiful and expensive. I wanted the perfect girlfriend (or boyfriend, I didn't care), a huge wedding, and a big family. So much has changed since then.

All I want now, is to be alive and happy with my better half, my soulmate, my perfect match. Whether that means listening to the stomping of small children early on a Saturday morning, being woken up by an impatient animal, or sleeping all day because it's just us, I want that happy, I want that calm, I want that perfect.

I want weird dates and long drives for no reason. I want stupid jokes and petty arguments. I want movie nights and warm cuddles. I want everything-

with you

All of these things are things I can't imagine experiencing with someone that isn't you. Whether it's waking up late and rushing to get ready (so cliche), arguing over what to make for dinner or saying our vows in front of everyone we love, I have to do it with you.

I don't want to imagine a world where we aren't us (regardless of who 'we' are), because that world isn't right, but this one is.

I like us. I like us a lot.

Y/n L/n— Feb 12, (2008) 09:04

My sweater still kinda smells like you. I'm wearing it today and I've just noticed. It's fading even as I type this and I don't think it'll last all day but it's comforting nonetheless. I hadn't touched it since Friday so it's lasted almost a week. I'm secretly so happy your scent has lingered, it's soft and warm and calming. (Like vanilla, you remind me of vanilla) I kinda hope I don't fall asleep at work.

Y/n L/n— Feb 12, (2008) 09:20

My mind is always buzzing– there's always so much happening, sometimes you can see it, in my eyes. There's one thing, only one, that's always on my mind.

You, Y/n L/n, you.

Even if I'm sitting doing work or if I'm reading, you're here and there and somewhere in my mind.

Sometimes you're the only thing I can think about, your soft hair, and eyes that shine so fucking bright; your warm smile and adorable laugh; your beautiful voice and perfect personality.

This is random but when you realized you were shorter than me you seemed so deflated and tried to stand on your tippy-toes and that was just precious. You had this look on your face and the way you laughed, the way your eyes lit up was just perfect.

Morgan says he’s going to New York in a few weeks. I've been asking if I could go with him because if I can't see you on your birthday, I want to at least see you again soon. And I don’t like driving. Or long train rides.

Tu fais battre mon coeur.

Y/n L/n— Feb 12 (2008) 15:30

It's only like two days away so I want to ask

Will you be my valentine?

Y/n L/n— Feb 12 (2008) 17:00

I've said some very bold things in just the past few months we've been together and I think I'm changing my mind about a few things.

I want to be a foster parent, just as much as I want my own children, because everyone deserves love.

I still don't want to try and adopt/foster babies, everyone does that, I want teens, kids who've spent years and the system because they need the most love.

I wanna know how you feel about that idea.

Y/n L/n— Feb 12 (2008) 17:12

I have a few things to say.

I was right, the smell definitely did not last all day, it was gone by lunch. The flannel still reminds me of that smell though, so it's okay.

I really hope you like long rants with no particular point because sometimes I start talking and forget how to stop, especially if I'm comfortable around someone.

I've had casual conversions with my mother about you on a few occasions. She loves you and says I should run up to you this minute and carry you to my apartment. I think I’m going to listen to her.

Y/n L/n— Feb 12, (2008) 18:18

This isn't directly about you but that doesn't really matter, right?

So Morgan.

He keeps calling me straight

And if he does it again.

I will kick him.

Just letting you know in case it happens and Hotch yells at me. I love you!

Y/n L/n— Feb 13 (2008) 02:40

I shouldn't be awake right now but I am. As I sit on my bed, I can't help but think about how, if we were together, in the same bed, you'd probably be awake too by now. You'd be asking me if I was okay, I think, and I tell you the truth because I'm so bad at lying, it isn't even worth the try. You probably comfort me, pulling me into your body, wrapping your arms around me and probably kissing me. Just the thought makes me feel a little better but it's not happening, you know? You're not sitting next to me, you aren't kissing me and whispering, "I'm right here, it's okay." because that isn't true.

I just woke up from a nightmare, I can confidently call this a nightmare for two reasons, so I will. I was kind of panicking when I woke up because I was so fucking scared, I couldn't breathe (in more ways than one) and I was crying. It's disgusting and I'm still upset.

Thinking about you being here vs. not, makes it clear that I need you, so fucking much, I need you, Y/n. I love you, and I need you and I want you. It's making me crazy that I can't even say this to you right now.

Tu es mon soleil.

Y/n L/n— Feb 14, (2008) 04:15

I know, I know, my sleep schedule is terrible, I'm sorry.

Happy Valentine's day, love, I'm so happy to be 'celebrating' with you, you're the best valentine and you're my valentine.

Thank you so much for (almost) five beautiful months, I love you so much and I am so excited for forever together.

Though, right now, more than anything, I want to kiss every single inch on your beautiful body, maybe even kiss them all two or three times.

I love your eyes. They shine as bright as stars.

I love your smile, the smile you had when you first noticed me is my favorite. Your lips, which I also love, part in a perfect kind of way and I love it.

I love your lips, the look of them, when you smile, when you're serious or when you frown; the feeling of them pressed to my skin, with the passion and feeling of your love for me. I love your lips, even if you don't.

I love your nose, it's adorable and I kind of want to kiss it; it's so adorable and I love that, you're so adorable.

I love your skin, the soft burning of it making contact with mine, the feeling when you touch me. I love everything about you, even the parts I don't know yet, I love even the idea of having the privilege of being able to love them.

So on this day of love, Y/n L/n, I love you so, so much, my heart is in your hands, do with it as you please.

Y/n L/n— Feb 14 (2008) 15:40

I like the name Y/n , I can't really explain why but I do. I really like the name Y/n.

I also like children more than I thought I would. I spent an hour at my JJ’s yesterday and my godson, Henry, he makes me think even more about having kids with you.

Y/n L/n— Feb 14 (2008) 15:55

You asked me what type of pretty you are.

You're the best kind of pretty, honestly.

You're the kind of pretty that makes my heart melt.

You're the kind of pretty that makes my chest feel tight (in a good way, of course).

You're the kind of pretty that makes a bad day amazing with just one look.

You're the kind of pretty that just makes the world seem less than terrible.

You're my favorite kind of pretty

Y/n L/n— Feb 14 (2008) 20:33

I should make this quick.

You are literally the most perfect part of my life, the only part of my life I hope never changes. You'd better be my forever because I can't ask for anyone better.

I'm stocking up on so many fucking hugs for you, I can not wait to hug you again, my body craves it.

I have to go now.

Y/n L/n— Feb 20 (2008) 11:25

I haven’t been writing much, but there’s so much I want to say, even though I can’t find the words. This is so difficult. I know so many languages and yet they’re all gone with one thought of you.

Y/n L/n, you have invaded every single part of my mind, I’m more than okay with that.

The problem arises with the fact that I can’t stand not having some type of contact with you. It just feels wrong and I’m overly anxious and paranoid.

Y/n L/n, having you in my life is a gift, and it’s the best gift I've ever gotten tbh.

My mind can’t fully recall the sound of your voice when you said ‘i love you’, or the sensation of your touch (your kisses and hugs, my head on your shoulder) but it’s there, and I hope it stays, long after this moment.

It’s kind of embarrassing to admit but sometimes the reason I keep going is the possibility of you, with me again, no matter how far away that event may be.

Y/n L/n— Feb 21 (2008) 22:25

I hope your polaroid camera starts to work soon because getting pictures from you is my favorite thing ever. Morgan said I should just give you my number, but I enjoy what we have. Our letters are more than enough.

Y/n L/n— Feb 21 (2008) 23:57

It's really late

I may or may not have had a little bit of alcohol.

You're really pretty!!!!!

I may or may not be about to drink more of the maybe alcohol...

Y/n L/n— Feb 22 (2008) 14:40

You sent me a CD. I put it in my player. I see you, you’re reading me The Little Prince because you said I need something to listen to to sleep. It's the best book I've ever heard and hearing you read it makes it so beautiful, every word, it's all perfect coming from your mouth, with your voice from your lips. I could listen for literally forever. Y/n L/n you are my today.

Y/n L/n— Mar 2 (2008) 22:55

I think about our future a lot. Usually it's good, sometimes it isn't. As with all things in life, there are details. Sometimes when I think about our future I'm only focusing on the things I know I want like, you next to me- with a ring on your finger and a smile on your face, or both of us, shopping and planning for a baby, obviously our first based off of how overly cautious we're being.

Anything like that, really.

Sometimes though, I think about what I don't know, like, where are we? what's our home look like? What are our future schedules and routines gonna look like? I know I'm overthinking (I always am) but I truly can't help it, it's something that just happens?

Y/n L/n— Mar 7 (2008) 13:11

I’m upset we haven’t been talking as much but that’s my fault, I knew what kind of commitment being an agent took, so I can’t really complain, I am sorry though. I think about you a lot though, sometimes it’s just ‘I hope Y/n’s okay’ ‘I hope Y/n’s smiling right now’ or something like that. Sometimes I just think about the sound of your voice, the feeling of your presence, or just you in general, you’re always there, always somewhere in my head, on my mind. If I’m not thinking about you, I’m probably not thinking at all.

Y/n L/n— Mar 7 (2008) 18:44

Before you, I had convinced myself that love didn't exist, it wasn't something I'd ever truly felt. I thought fate was bullshit and I hated the idea of soulmates because I believed I'd never find mine. That is, until I saw your face. At that point, you were nothing more than a polaroid photo, stimuli sent from my retinas to my optic nerve. But I felt something new. Something changed, I didn't feel as cold anymore.

Before I met you, I had convinced myself, naively, that I'd be alone forever, that I'd never meet anyone who would put up with me long enough to learn to love me. And then you waltzed into my life and changed everything. It was surreal, you were too-good-to-be-true and I was as ready as I could've been for heartbreak. What I did experience was nowhere near as horrible as the feeling I get at the thought of losing you now.

After I met you, I thought about it a lot, do soulmates exist? Until that point there'd only been one person I wished to be my soulmate (which was dumb, looking back now) but some part of me was drawn to you in a way I wasn't drawn to her. My feelings for you were different from my feelings for her.

When I'd convinced myself you'd never want me, I was hurt, I'd ever felt such pain, a deep physical pain, the kind you never forget. I guess it doesn't matter now, because that's in the past and I should move on.

I have you now, and god, I've never been so happy. You, Y/n L/n, are my soulmate and I'm so glad that we were made for each other. I couldn't ask for a better partner, future spouse, or soulmate. You are my everything and you give me purpose. You are my purpose.

Y/n L/n— Mar 9 (2008) 7:45

I couldn't sleep last night, I was thinking about you and it kept me awake, I think. I tried distracting myself but I kept finding you everywhere. At that point, I just let it happen and eventually fell asleep.

I'm angry, angry that I don't get to see you, because god I love seeing your face (you are literally so fucking pretty) and I love being near you in general.

I'm scared, scared that I won't be able to see you, even when I physically can. I don't know why I just, I hate the thought but it won't go away, I just want to hug you.

Y/n L/n— Mar 23 23:47 (2008)

It’s been a while since I did this- tomorrow’s your birthday and I’m pissed because I won’t get to see you, I can’t wish you happy birthday in person, shit I don’t know if I’ll be able to wish you happy birthday at all but that’s a whole other thing. Anyway, (here’s hoping you see this on your actual birthday-) HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Things might now be great right now but you’ve been alive for all this time and god I’m so proud of you for being so strong. You are amazing and I’m so happy I know you, I hope you’re birthday is fucking awesome, if not, I guess I’ll have no choice but to do everything I possibly can to make it better. I love you, Y/n L/n.

That’s it. The decision has been made for me. I just got a call, see you in New York.

(it just turned midnight, happy birthday)

Y/n L/n— Mar 24 (2008) 21:32

I only saw you for a few hours but again it was perfect. Before I left I made up my mind to do something. Turning around I ran back to your door. You opened it up and were so confused but I didn’t care. My hands cupped your cheeks and I kissed you. I kissed you 15 more times after, and then I left for my hotel room. I left something behind though - it was on purpose - slung on your couch is my cardigan. I want you to wear it and think of me.

Y/n L/n— Mar 29 (2008) 09:48

I'm not good with my words, shocking seeing as I'm a genius but it's true. I am terrible with my words, especially when it comes to you I just, my mind goes blank and I can't even form partially coherent sentences. That's probably why I suck at talking to you, I just can't think around you, I think it's because you're so perfect, I mean, it's true and it makes sense.

I got your letter today. You’re moving to DC. I don’t think I’ve ever been more crazed or excited. Everyone’s noticed it. I love you.

Y/n L/n— February 7th, (2020) 20:28

I stopped doing this when you moved to me. Everything that could have been written was said to you.

You're different. You're changing.

It's not a bad thing, it was inevitable; I'm far from the person I was three years ago. I'm just awful about adjusting to changes.

I like that you're different, it shows you're discovering yourself, you're turning out. Your changing as a person won't change how I feel about you because no matter what, you are so much greater than the sum of your parts and I think that's beautiful. I think you're beautiful.

I could never tire of you, as cliché as it is, I fall in love with you over and over everyday. I fall in love with every new and old part of you, because they're all so perfect.

I'd be lying (a terrible lie, might I add) if I said I wasn't thinking about you every moment of every day. I'm constantly thinking of you; Maybe wishing we were together, maybe wondering if you're thinking about me too, maybe hoping you're doing okay, maybe imagining our tomorrows, maybe thinking about your smile and how it shines brighter than any and every existing light source.

I rambled, yikes.

There’s something I want to ask and it’s years overdue (sorry.) After prison I found this and two years later I know what I want to do with it. I’m giving it to you, I’m fully giving my heart to you.

Look up, bumblebee. I’m waiting.

part two