#Good to see you Wulf

[caffeineinmyspleen]

Uhhh Bishop Lamb doodles in order of first to latest (mostly on how I imagine their horns o-o)

[deadsetobsessions]

Danny no longer has a haunt. So… he decides to find another one. And while he technically has a whole world (other dimensions aren’t an option because he’s going to stay near where Jazz’s grave is, damn it) there’s only a couple of other places with enough ambient ectoplasm to sustain him. Nanda Parbat, Tokyo, and Gotham.

Nanda Parbat had a weird old musty immortal that kept trying to summon him and exchange power for the ability to “take a worthy body and rain as much destruction” as he’d like. As if Danny would need a body to bring the world to its knees.

Tokyo… it’s too far from Jazz’s grave. He could ask Wulf or even open his own portal but when Danny tried it out, Tokyo was too peaceful. Obviously there’s crime, but nothing… nothing big like Danny’s used to.

Danny ends up picking Gotham, even if the sewer zombies and the weird group of rich fruit loops with an adoption problem creeps him out. So, he destroys the portal, packs up his parents’ house and sells it, and hauls ass to the cesspool calling his name. His family’s stuff is stored respectfully in a vault located on the deepest parts of his personal haunt in the Infinite Realms.

And honestly, he’s doing better. Sure, he’s got a shitty apartment near another revenant’s almost-haunt and he feels like he’s drowning all of the time, but Danny isn’t in danger of turning into Dan, he’s catching up on royal paperwork, and he’s got like a job as a barista. In his own coffee shop that paid for using his parent’s money (who, despite their hazardous everything, made a crap ton of money off of their more normal inventions).

Gotham’s got some pretty interesting local gangs, most of which respected the sanctity of Danny’s cafe. Sure, they tried blowing it up and tried extorting money from him in the form of “protection costs” but after three months of failure, they gave up.

(Really, the local gangs gave up when they saw him take three shotgun shells to the chest and continued to work.) (They didn’t know it never hit him. Intangibility is extremely useful.)

The Rogues, on the other hand, just gave Danny flashbacks. Their gimmicks are different, sure, but after years of Box Ghost, Skuller, Lunch Lady, etc., Danny’s more than done with costumed villains. They don’t bother him either. Some of the reason is probably due to Harley and Ivy, who had walked into the cafe and (because they were bruised and scratched up from a fight) triggered Danny’s mother hen tendencies. They were promptly fed and watered and caffeinated and their hyenas were also similarly taken care of. They declared the cafe under their protection and that was that.

Red Hood stops by, and begins to interrogate him. But when Danny met his… helmet eyes? The crime lord paused, paid for his coffee, and sat in a corner table of the cafe for the rest of the day.

And he kept coming back?

But Danny figures it’s because Hood was a revenant and people who had come close to death tends to feel more comfortable around him.

(Considering this is Gotham where people almost die every other day? Yeah, he’s pretty much friends with everyone. Or at least, less likely to get shot.)

(Hood does stay because of the King’s presence and the Pit calming itself, but also Danny’s hot and he’s got a sleeper build and Hood definitely did not imagine himself in the place of the heavy box he saw Danny lift effortlessly onto a table. No.)

But of course, the peace couldn’t last forever. But by then, Danny was so antsy, he welcomed the trouble with open arms.

It starts with a clown. Danny knows who he is. He knows who Danny is.

So, Danny has no idea why the clown thought it would be a good idea to aggravate the owner of Gotham’s official neutral grounds. See, Clovkwork? Danny’s learned how to gauge his own political importance!

“HAHAHAHAHA! COME OUT, DANNY-BOY! LET ME TELL YOU A JOKE!”

Danny comes out and grabs a chair, and with a flat expression, says, “you’re not funny and I hate clowns.”

And then he swings and slams the chair into the Joker’s face. Over and over again until Danny’s sure the clown won’t get back up. The thing about Gotham’s outdoor chairs is that they’re mad out of steel and are bolted down to the ground to prevent undedicated thieves (dedicated thieves can and will steal the bolted down steel chairs). The Joker’s hired muscle just watched this scrawny twenty-something year old yank the steel chair and take some of the fucking ground and the bolts with it and beat the fuck out of their boss who is the literal Joker.

They surrender on the spot and is taken to jail. Danny just smiles at the officers who come by and since he’s got pretty privilege and they don’t want to mess with the guy who, again, owns one of Gotham’s official neutral ground and also beat up Joker without breaking a sweat, the officers just lets him go with a warning.

And then the bats comes, and wow, Danny’s playing mentor to a formally dead person again!

But before that, the Red Hood asks for an autograph on the Gotham Gazette article with a picture of a tired Danny standing over Joker’s prone body. Then Hood stammers through asking Danny out (which Danny said yes to because he’s tired, not blind, and Hood is built like a brick house and HOT).

Batman interrogates him. Danny, who can tell that this man needs therapy and is Sad TM, tells Bats that Danny’s died before and that’s why he’s like this. He also calls Batman a furry, but like in a nice way. And then he kicks Batman out with a coffee and a file on Nanda Parbat.

Now, Danny’s got a date to prepare for and he realizes that maybe this is what Jazz wanted for him- to be happy and mostly safe and happy. (Or, happier, he thinks. It’s been a long time since he’s been truly happy, but this might be a good start)

[somnoir]

Gotham's newest Crime Lord - part 4

Part 3 | Masterpost

Danny wasn't expecting for Red Hood to corner him. He would be lying when he says he wasn't panicking. First of all, they had quite literally strung up the bodies of prominent figures of the court of owls in very public places, then proceeded to order Technus to spread information about the court and their wrong doings.

The next step of the plan had been to publish a list of names—members of the court. Rich fruitloops that they were going to rely on the public to destroy. If the public and the GCPD couldn't do it, Danny had his ways to do so. Hauntings usually drove people mad if done a certain way.

But nevermind that!

His heart was practically trying to escape his chest—not that it was beating but it was there, in spirit (ha). He just wanted to see if little Emily and her sister were being fed by their mom and check if he needed to whisk the kids away and have them reside in one of their headquarters. Dan was more than willing to convert one of their facilities into a safehouse for children. Jeremy and some others were the ones who usually dealt with the house—others being parents are older siblings who got into crime for their family's.

"Phantom."

"Hood."

AAAAHH! The hot revenant really was looking for me! Thankfully, none of his siblings were there to witness how Danny was silently punching the air in absolute joy. Fuck yeah! Hot Crime Lord!

"Lemme guess... The big bad bat ain't too happy about the trouble we caused?" Danny chuckled, tilting his head as he narrowed his eyes. Organized crime was much better than his kingly duties, especially when it wasn't him playing the leader. Dan was doing pretty good as a boss, though Danny was reluctant to admit that in honor of his role as a younger brother.

"Sure as hell." Red Hood snorted, "But that ain't why I'm here, ghosty."

Danny rolled his eyes, gesturing for the other man to keep talking.

"You dealt with the court. Wraith led the mission... Personally. Not you. Not anyone else. It was Wraith, right?" Red Hood hummed, his helmet and modulator hiding everything. It frustrated Danny.

The mission was indeed led by Dante himself. But the operation had been split into three. Dan's team (Skulker, Amorpho) taking on the leaders of the court and disposing of them immed. While Danny's team (Wulf and Ember) were tasked to deal with the talons. Meanwhile, Elle's team (Johnny, Kitty, and Shadow) were tasked with saving the kids that weren't turned into Talons. But even then, Dan took full command of the situation.

It had been Dan who personally hung the Judge of the Clocktower and smeared his blood with some rhyme. It had been Dan who took charge of the remaining Talons once their leaders were dead and hung.

But it has been Danny who took the main Talon, dragged their body to Arkham, and painted a message in glowing, neon green paint. Maybe mixed with a bit of Ecto for better effects.

At the moment, all of the living Talons were in another one of their facilities—one outside of Gotham. Dan was a paranoid bastard, rightfully so, and had ordered the rehabilitation of these mindless soldiers outside of the Bats' territory. They didn't need anyone meddling with this. Not when it was Dan's first time choosing rehabilitation over elimination. In truth, these Talons were just innocent kids turned into weapons by the real monsters.

"Yeah, Wraith personally led this one." Danny pressed a hand against his hip, defiantly looking at the brick house that was the Red Hood. God, he almost didn't want a growths spurt if this was their height different. "Heard you've been snoopin' around, Red. What? Didya miss me?" It was teasing, a joke. He didn't expect much from it. He leaned in, grinning even when his mouth couldn't be seen, before pulling back as fast as he could.

But Hood sighed, letting out the hottest quiet laugh he could ever muster and tilted his head. "Yeah... Kinda missed you, ghosty. The kids were lookin' for yah. Emily was screamin' for yah on the roof two days ago."

Danny blinked.

Oh....

OH!

"Sure, sure." He immediately dismissed it, trying his best to make sure that his fast didn't go all purple, because apparently, that's the ghost version of blushing. Shit. "But the big bad Bat ain't too happy with us, yeah? I mean. Stringin' up the Judge and Talon gets you on his naughty list."

"Can't say he's pleased about it."

"Yeah, well, we ain't apologizing for that shit. The court wasn't on our radar before but they took one of our kids. Wraith is known for being one hell of a monster when it comes to kids." Danny scoffed, "They were turning them into weapons, Hood. I'd be okay if you want to throw them into Arkham, but the Judge and Talon? Somethings are more important than morals."

And Danny fucking knows that. He knows that some things should be out above morals, that they should be more important. His parents had failed to do that, failed to put their family above their morals and beliefs. The reveal was never going to be good. Not when Maddie Fenton fell to her knees, unable to accept that her baby died and demanded for him to give her back her son. It had hurt when she couldn't accept that Danny was Phantom and Phantom was Danny.

It got worse when they found out about Dan and Elle. They were hysterical. They stopped eventually. No more hunting, no more trying to protray ghosts as evil. They stopped helping the GIW. But they still couldn't accept it. They just vanished after that, leaving Danny and Jazz with Vlad, who had thankfully redeemed himself.

Danny knows what it meant to put something above your morals. Knows how valuable that is.

He shook his head, once again getting his head out of his heart and turning back to Red Hood. "Get to the point, Hood. You weren't looking for me for no reason."

"Well I've got someone who wants to meet the Wraith. The Court... They were almost involved in the court and was targeted." Red Hood tried to explain, making sure to sound as vague as possible. Danny could—kinda—understand why he was. Keeping someone anonymous until they couldn't. "Was wonderin' if you could set up a meeting. I don't think there's anywhere in Gotham that's basically neutral ground at this point but I'm willin' to bet on an area that you guys won't start a fight."

Danny paused, trying to simplify that damn request in his head. Hood wanted a meeting with Wraith, to introduce someone. And about the location? He was right. The entirety of Gotham was someone's haunt, every part of it was claimed. Even when the people were living, some were so damn liminal that certain areas were basically haunts now. Crime Alley being one of the biggest areas to end up becoming a haunt.

He could only think of three places that could somehow be considered their haunt: The Hill, where their main base was, the Narrows where Dan was trying to take over Arkham to make the security better, and possibly the Docks and Harbor. But there wasn't a solid claim on any of them, except for the Hill. It was one of the poorest and most crime-ridden areas of Gotham. The locals were hostile as hell when they first arrived, but after the Ghosts started cleanin' up the streets, helping people by offering a steady income, and keeping the kids safe, they eventually welcomed the Ghosts with open arms. It helped when Dan started weeding out people that were extorting the area.

That area was a no-go, obviously. Not their base.

"Gimme a second. Gotta ask about this before discussing a location." He whipped out his phone, modified perfectly by their resident technopath, Tucker-fucking-Foley.

D1: Got Hood here.

D2: Ew

D2: I don't wanna hear you moon about your revenant

D1: you're a bitch

D1: fuck you

D1: 🖕🖕🖕

D1: but that's not it

D1: he wants to set up a meeting. Said he'll introduce someone that Court tried recruiting

D2: Bet Vlad's castle that it's Nightwing

D2: he fits the Court's recruits

D1: what??

D1: all of the bats fit the MO

D2: yeah but Nightwing's the most flexible one. Idk

D2: Gut feeling

D2: Tell em I'm willing

D2: only on Sunday tho.

D1: K

"Good news! He's willing to show his ugly mug."

Red Hood snorted.

"Bad news—" and now he stiffened, "Wraith's only available on Sunday. Busy sched, see."

"Alright," Hood sighed, "Where are you guys willing to meet?"

Again, that was a problem. Danny might suggest the Bowery but that was too close to Hood's haunt. It wasn't until he felt the tug in his shadow that he goes stiff, blinking before he saw Hood's shadow move behind him. Instead of a hulking man, it was transforming into a classy looking woman—it reminds him of that lady from Resident Evil. The shadow moved, holding up what seemed to be a cigarette. The blankness of darkness morphed and now there was a white grin spread across her face.

Lady Gotham adored her knights but he was sure Red Hood was her favorite. Danny suspected that the city spirit had a hand in his resurrection—to which he was sure that had paperwork he'd need to process soon. But the city spirit was accommodating and welcomed them into her territory, with the promise that their intentions wouldn't turn malicious and destroy the city.

Danny couldn't help but laugh, eyes glowing green and Hood took a instinctive step back. "Heard you bats and birds got yourselves a cave." He tilted his head. "Gotham Cemetery. It's where you'll find ghosts."

The cemetery. The one area that was a haunt to all the dead and never the living.

Before Red Hood could even say another word, Danny floated of the ground, mockingly saluted the revenant, and phased through the wall.

NAILED IT!

"Lil' wing, I'm not sure about this. Doesn't it sound creepy that they want to meet in the cemetery?"

"I have a theory. I am 90% sure that the Ghosts of Gotham are actual ghosts."

"Why's you say that?"

"I had Tim and Babs help me investigate the other known members. All of them can't be detected by cameras cause the footage gets all fucked up. So we had to resort to teaditional means. Seriously, the demon brat and I had to follow that Johnny and Kitty duo around Gotham just so he could draw them properly! I kid you not, I saw those two phase through other vehicles when they were zoomin' around the streets."

"And?"

"There's a possibility that those two are from Gotham. But get this... All the matches are people who were confirmed to have died decades ago. Like... When B was a teenager."

Dick flinched. Okay. The new rogue organization might actually be made up of legitimate dead people.

"Shit."

"Right back at you."

The cemetery was already in their line of vision. Even if Dick Grayson was the target of the Court, Nightwing came with the package. Meeting Wraith as Nightwing was pretty reasonable if you had to ask him. And Jason had done his best to hunt down Phantom after Bruce forbade them from interacting with any of the ghosts unless they were starting trouble first.

Hopefully, this meeting would go well...

The cemetery is quiet once they start walking. The shadows seemed to be more lively, moving and rising like curious children wanting to catch a glimpse.

"BOO!"

His escrima sticks were already in his hands and Jason was already cocking his gun.

Phantom was floating there, upside down as Lazarus green eyes stared back at them. The obvious echo of laughter making the graveyard more eerie.

"Quit that!" Jason snapped, glowering at Phantom but slowly lowered his guns.

"Awww! C'mon now, Hood. You’re acting like you’ve seen a ghost—but a really good-looking one!" Phantom promptly runs his fingers through his hair, winking at Jason before laughing it off like it was nothing.

"You're horrendous."

"Hey, hey, hey! I'm supernatural and beyond this world!" Phantom proudly declared, clearly on the roll. But Lazarus green eyes fell to Nightwing. The reaction reminded Dick of a curious cat.

"Shit, it really was Nightwing you were talking about. I owe Wraith a hundred bucks now, birdie." Even though his mouth couldn't be seen, Dick was pretty sure that Phantom was pouting. "C'mon, birds. The boss is talking to some ghosts over there."

"So... You're really ghosts?" Jason asks, walking beside the floating ghost while Dick trailed back a couple of steps.

"Kinda? There are different kinds of ghosts, really." Phantom shrugged, going silent again. "We usually help out the other ghosts that can't meddle with the living realm. Lotta ghosts in Gotham with unfinished business."

"What kind of business?" Dick frowned.

Phantom turned to him, mischief in his eyes as he pressed a finger against the place where his lips should be. "Now, now. I ain't tellin' you, birdie. Client confidentiality and all that."

Jason grumbled something unintelligible.

"Now that ain't nice, Hood."

And then Jason grunts in response.

"C'mon, Hood!" The way Phantom whined, Dick was very sure he was pouting. "Tsk, tsk. Stop ghostin' me, wouldya?"

Dick held back a snort. While Jason's glare could be felt through his mask.

"What? That wasn't so bad! Wow... This crowd is dead."

Jason groans and Dick didn't even hide his laugh. Okay, maybe Phantom was pretty okay if you could ignore the fact that his group was pretty homicidal if needed.

"And there he is!" Phantom sounded almost mocking, the tone so strangely familiar to Dick. (Twas the sound of a younger sibling rolling their eyes). "Wraith! Brought the birdies!"

"Seriously?" Jason groaned again but stopped. Dick didn't think he was being unreasonable because holy shit!

Wraith had the same white hair as Phantom with skin paler than the damn moon. But unlike Phantom, the ends of his hair looked like fire. Red eyes instead of green... And built like a brick house, because what the fuck was that?! He was taller than Jason and Bruce! Maybe even standing taller than Superman if he stood a little straighter.

He wore the same monochrome outfit that Phantom wore and a mask that covered his mouth. With round, red tinted glasses over his eyes. Wraith was talking to the air, well, the dead. Dick could see the faint outline of a young woman.

The fucking fridge, Wraith, turned towards them once Phantom called for him.

"You fuckin' twerp, can't you see I'm still talkin'? Rude little shit."

And Dick may have realized something else. Oh. OH! That's why it was so familiar, that behaviour and mocking tone! Fucking shit, were Wraith and Phantom brothers?

Red eyes were soon trained on him. Wraith looked him over once, before humming with a smirk.

"So I was right... Nice to meet you, birdie."

Masterpost

[jedimaesteryoda]

With The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim coming out, I am interested to see the anime story of a section of Rohan's history. The animation looks good, and I have a personal fondness for hand-drawn animation as opposed to the more computer-generated animation commonly used today.

What I'm not enthused about is looking at some of the comments for the trailer complaining that the protagonist is female rather than her father King Helm Hammerhand being the protagonist. They give the usual dogwhistles of "wokeism" and mocking that it needed to be a female protagonist because Helm was disqualified for being a white male.

Did they miss Théoden's niece Eowyn in the main series, the Rohirric princess who defied her gender norms and fought in the Battle of Pelennor Fields, slaying the Witch-king of Angmar? She also does it while literally announcing that she is a woman, uttering the line "But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund's daughter" in response to him saying "No living man may hinder me."

Had it been done today, there would be complaints of Eowyn slaying the Witch-king instead of Théoden along with that line, saying she was there for diversity in a disparaging way or "woke" points. It boils down to a contempt for protagonists who aren't white, cis men. If you naturally assume a film or show is going to be bad, because the lead(s) is a woman or a POC you're just revealing your own attitudes towards race and gender.

Female protagonists are not unheard of in anime either, especially with Miyazuki's films like Nausicaa of the Wind Valley, Spirited Away or even films like Ghost in the Shell.

Personally, it's a fresh take that could be good. Going by the trailer, Hera is at the center of it all in not just being a princess of Rohan, but the request for her hand in marriage is what sets off the sequence of events that leads to war. She also personally knows the antagonist Wulf as a childhood friend who may have developed feelings for her, creating a more complicated relationship than simply Frodo and Sauron and adding another layer of drama. It also creates a more complicated villain with motivations that are understandable with regards to the loss of his father.

There's also the relationship Hera has with her father. She notes how he and Wulf's father spoke of her prospect of her marriage "as if I was not even in the room" or no one asks her opinion about her ostensible future. She also wants to defend her kingdom, but her royal father dismisses her. While he does care deeply for his daughter, Helm is still a man blinded by the prejudices of his patriarchal society.

Hera herself sounds like she could be an interesting character with her struggles in both against the gender restrictions, to defend her kingdom and in her personal relationships.

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

[lexosaurus]

Danny Phantom Side Hoes Week 2024

THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN! After a week of relentless campaigning, voting, of blood, sweat, and tears, here are the TOP VOTED side characters you all wanted to see more of this year!

March 3: Wulf, missed moments March 4: Jazz Fenton, university times March 5: Super Danny (from Identity Crisis), domestic / off duty March 6: Jack Fenton, nostalgic March 7: Dani Phantom, self defense March 8: Nocturn, creation March 9: Cujo, treasure

As you can see from this list, this year's #1 Side Hoe is Cujo! What a good boy! We wish him all the doggy treats this March 2024!

You can make fics, art, music, crossovers, crochet, amvs, memes—really, whatever you want! Just be sure to tag your work with #dp side hoes week 2024 so everyone can find it!

The event runs Sunday, March 3rd to Saturday, March 9th. Have fun!

[Also, HUGE thank you to @stealingyourbones for helping with the event and making the graphics for the calendar! Grab the high res character images here!]

[infinizero]

Ok so

There is this trope about ghosts not reaching maturity until they've been ghosts for several centuries

There is ALSO the trope that ghosts fight as a sort of way to communicate

With the power of these two tropes combined-- I give you this strange headcanon:

Ghosts become mature adult ghosts after 500 years.

Danny and his usual troublemakers are all in the same "daycare".

He's just the youngest + most unique ghost so they like playing around with him the most. In other words, it's the ghost version of older siblings ordering their younger siblings around

As far as ghosts go,

There are blobs, ghost animals, shades (those are ghosts as we know it) and ghosts (aka Infinite Realms Beings) etc etc

The blobs and etc are, well, blobs and etc

But ghosts need a while to fully grow up and be considered adult

And so, if these ghosts are children, they need guardians or caretakers at the daycare right?

Correct

Baby ghosts are under the care of the nearest authority (Ancient or Leader or etc etc)

Except baby ghosts usually stay near where they were born and Danny and Co just so happen to be near Pariah Dark

Pariah Dark is asleep

But Fright Knight is there!

Except Fright Knight is also sealed

And it's one thing to wake up the ultra powerful megalomaniac tyrant kinda parent figure but not really you're supposed to have and another to drag your oldest adult sibling out of their room to touch grass

In other words, the surrounding authorities just went eh the babies can contact fright Knight if anything happens

But then Danny defeats Pariah and inherits his authority

So he technically becomes the caretaker of baby ghosts in the area while being the youngest baby ghost himself

Hence the other ancients visiting and *playing* with him to see if it's ok to leave the babies with this other baby

And since they're ghosts who don't have human guidelines or morals, decide that since he's that strong it should be fine to leave it alone

Besides he has Fright Knight! Good 'ol Frighty will definitely help out this new baby kid ghost with doing everything!

Meanwhile, Fright Knight waiting for Danny to come claim the crown and ring: ...

Cue Danny's rogues coming up to him to show him shit they accomplished

Youngblood : Phantom look at this cool baking soda volcano that spews out real lava!!

Danny: It does WHAT

Youngblood: Look!

Danny: NO

Ember: Hey Babybop wanna listen to the new song I wrote? It compels humans to start cults based on my name!

Danny: Ember, no

Ember: I think you mean Ember YES

Skulker: Ghost boy I have skinned an alien and brought you a pelt turned into a coat

Danny: ...you did WHAt

Skulker: It is nearing winter time and one must always be ready for winter time

Danny, having an existential meltdown after seeing his parents and Vlad get it on together: Desiree what the actual fuck??? Did you do????

Desiree: I merely fulfilled a wish

Johnny: Hey Phantom look we got matching tattoos to celebrate our anniversary!

Kitty: Wait what did you just say?

Johnny: uh, we got tattoos for our anniversary?

Kitty: ...our anniversary is in TWO MONTHS. THAT was for my DEATHDAY.

Johnny: ...oh shit

Danny, about to soup them both: Man, get good

Lunch Lady: Phantom have you eaten your proteins today?!

Danny: uh... Yeah?

Lunch Lady, already throwing meat at him: EAT MORE

Danny:

Box ghost: WITNESS! THE GREAT BOX MECHA!

Danny: oh come on seriously

And on the other hand,

Walker, dumping ten piles of paper in Danny's room: Phantom, here are the latest forms that need revisions

Spectra: What do you MEAN you're not allowing me to open a beauty salon in order to dig into other girls' insecurities and maintain my own beauty?! That's why it's called a beauty salon!!

Cujo and Wulf who are both the best boys and favorites, with smug faces:

Fright Knight still waiting for Danny to accept the ring and crown:

Plasmius: What the heck is this weird feeling my ghost side keeps making me feel??

Plasmius: is it... Is there perhaps a ghostly way I can adopt the little badger??

[shadow13dickpistons]

So, I saw War of the Rohirrim.

And...I really enjoyed it! This is essentially WB trying to keep hold of their theatrical rights to Tolkien's work, and the release is somewhat short and limited, so it's not getting great reviews, but I would honestly seriously recommend it to fans and non-fans alike.

For starters, I am really glad it's not re-treading the same ground we've walked a hundred times before (for better and worse) and telling a story most people aren't going to be familiar with. I'm also thrilled to fuck that it's animated. 1) I am so God blessed sick of green screens and bad CG, and 2), I'm so happy to not see the same 3D animation literally every other major studio does now. I'm not going to claim the animation is breathtaking or revolutionary, it's neither, and at times it's even clunky. But just having something DIFFERENT? Thank you for that. The plot was able to surprise me in places, I never found it too predictable. My friend felt the pacing sometimes dragged, but I never felt it was too much.

I think it's a great movie for girls, too, being empowering without the cheap, saccharine, and condescending "girl power" I despise. The female characters are extremely solid. (If anything, it's the male characters that sometimes grate, but not intolerably). I would hesitate to take anyone under 13, though, because if they're a scardey cat like me, some of the violence might be a little intense. It's never gory, but it is a WAR of the Rohirrim, after all, not a tea party.

I'm also traditionally very difficult to please in terms of canon and lore, and I was totally fine with it. My two complaints are mild and very livable. Firstly, that people are in a snit about Hera potentially being betrothed to someone from Gondor. This is a continuation of the film trilogy idea that Gondor and Rohan are not on good terms, which isn't really true in the books. Intermarriage in the ruling houses is very common. Theoden's mother is a woman of Gondor.

BUUUUT, given this is primarily coming from the malcontent Lord Freca, I think it works, since I think anyone with political unrest could see Eorl the Younger's vow to the Steward as restrictive.

The only other thing that I took slight pause with was characters voicing the idea of Hera's having a shot at the crown. Sure, she may "deserve" it, but women don't inherit in Tolkien. It's never gonna happen.

Hera and Wulf have some great angst for shippers, but I'm preparing for my future crucification by the purity brigade because I IMMEDIATELY shipped Hera and Frealaf.

I really had a great time, and if I had more time on my hands, I would be diving back into Tolkien right now. But I really don't think you'd lose anything if you're not someone whose already memorized the lore. Total recommendation from me and I'm probably going to see it again.

[reylo]

Why you should watch War of The Rohirrim - SPOILERS!

Fellow reylo, haladriel, nashuri, darklina, etl and villain x heroine shippers, everyone is sleeping on the new etl ship that dropped 😭

If you're looking for a new ship to add to you armada, here's why you should watch Lord of the Rings: War of The Rohirrim! Spoilers ahead!

Childhood friends turned enemies

They are proper enemies, not rivals. 100% enemies! They fight. They go to war with one another! Her Father kills his and in turn he slays her brothers and ensures her fathers death. He tries to make the fortress she and her people are hiding in 'her tomb'.

"I can't show weakness. Not to her."

He proposes to her TWICE!

"Would it be so bad? [Marrying him] We were inseparable once."

"From the moment I first saw you, I knew you would be my doom."

They each have a scar that the other gave to them! Héra scars his face accidentally as a child. Wulf scars her ae on purpose as an adult, right after the line 'was I so easily forgotten' because HE DIDN'T WANT HER TO EVER FORGET HIM! Just as he's tormented by her memory every time he sees the scar on his face, she'll suffer the same.

"Did I disgust you so much? Was I so easily forgotten?" - Wulf

"I never forgot you. I tried to find you." - Héra

For their final battle, Héra wears a wedding dress to psychological mess with him. He wanted a bride, so she gave him a bride who comes promising death. When Wulf's General tells him 'that is bait, that is literally Wulf with neon flashing signs. Do not take the bait!!' Wulf takes the bait. Héra knows how to goad him.

The villain is in love and definitely obsessed with the heroine

Definitely a darker etl ship. Wulf ain't no Mr Darcy, that's for sure

Héra admits to caring for him and struggles to kill him.

Despite this care, she dosen't want to marry him (or anyone) as she firmly believes they should have a choice in such matters + the movie points out the draw backs of marriage for her (need to leave her home and her family, children taught traditions not her own) + she craves freedom and ends up becoming a sheildmaiden.

She does agree to marry him the second time to save her people, but after she said 'if I marry you', Wulf takes offence. He really wanted her to want to marry him.

As children they bonded over not having a mother in their lives. Found that out in an interview.

Sadly, this does end in tragedy as Héra is forced to kill Wulf. HOWEVER! That is why we have fanfic!! That being said I do have a theory that Wulf wanted Héra to kill him and pretty much reenacted their childhood fight from the day she scarred him, forcing her to kill by giving her no other choice.

In conclusion... please watch this. It's really good. The movie was awesome. And I do think you'll enjoy the wuléra (Wulf x Héra) dynamic.

[redrobinhoodrat]

Danny looked around at the beings in front of him. He’d brought his closest allies as well as some trusted friends together for his supposed “council”. He had handpicked these few along with his friends to make sure he had the best guidance in ruling the zone. He needed help now more than ever. Making sure not to look too terrified he met each set of eyes as he glanced around what was practically his round table– no! His justice league. He kept the smirk off his face as he thought of frostbite with Superman’s red underwear getup on.

“Thanks for coming, you guys. Now I’m not going to beat around the bush. What I’m about to talk to you about is going to make you really upset, but!” Danny said nervously. He held up his hands as he gestured for Pandora to wait when her mouth opened to ask a question. ”I just need you to listen first.”

He avoided Clockwork’s gaze as he stood up from his seat. The ancient being was directly across from him so he could see the hint of worry in his expression. The ghost hadn’t been too happy when Danny had requested( i.e. ordered) him to quit monitoring his life so closely. Could you really blame him though?! Who wanted what was basically their grandfather/mentor/local time god watching every aspect of their life? Not him, no sirree. That’s what Jazz was for. It was kind of nice to be worried about though...not that he’d admit it.

He winced at the thought of Clockwork’s overprotective streak. It also made what he was about to say something of a bombshell about to be dropped. He just knew that everyone was going to overreact.

“So,” He fiddled with his hands as he tried to figure out what to say. “Y’all know how I was talking about the GIW makin’ some deals with Mom and Dad and getting better at the whole “Ghost Hunting” schtick?”

He waited to get some type of nod or confirmation from everyone in the room.

“Well, I got caught.” He blurted it out in a rush. He kept his head down as he watched everyone process what he had said, he scratched at the back of his head awkwardly as he thought about what happened. “And-uhh, what they did wasn’t so good.”

He looked up to gauge their reactions. Nocturn didn’t seem phased at all, ever calm as he always was in the zone. Beside him, Frostbite was sitting with his arms crossed, probably the most out of the loop due to how busy he’s been lately, he didn’t seem too worried but he also didn’t seem happy about the development if his tapping claws was any tell. Pandora was on Danny’s right side and most likely in the same boat. He could tell she was bothered by the prospect that he’d been captured and nobody had known though. She was probably the most overprotective outside of Clockwork. Wulf was to his left, looking at him with sad puppy-dog eyes, all too familiar with the feeling of being captured. To Wulf’s left, Dorathea was scanning him over, looking for injuries most likely. Too bad he’d hid everything with the express purpose of making the whole incident look less bad than what it actually was. No sense in exaggerating when it sounded bad no matter how you put it. Beside Dorathea, Ghostwriter’s eyes were wide as he transcribed everything about the meeting, his fingers slowing as he registered what Danny had said. He probably knew just how evil humans could be from his books. Danny made sure not to meet his eyes as Ghostwriter looked up. He didn’t want to see the worry that was easily read on the ghost’s expressive face. He figured everyone’s reactions were pretty predictable based on their knowledge of humans.

Finally, he looked over to meet Clockwork’s knowing gaze. He winced as he saw the red eyes flare briefly as Clockwork clenched his hands into fists. He watched the hands on the clock-staff start spinning rapidly and could only hope they didn’t actually do anything– ancients forbid just letting him know he was caught causes time to collapse or something.

He sighed as he prepared to explain what happened, hopefully in some way that didn’t lead to an all out war.

~

“-you know, I’m a human, or at least I was before I died and stuff. I never thought I’d be the one to have to declare war on Earth.”

“Then why even do it?” Batman growled.

He was standing towards the front of the group, though Superman had managed to edge in front of him just a little. From the way the Entity in front of them was floating regally he couldn’t get a good enough read on him to call the bluff and take the main front from Superman. Never let it be said that he hadn’t learnt to rely on his allies.

He was grateful his cowl hid his eyes as he subtly watched the rest of the league around him. Everyone was at attention, either looking at him or the stranger in the room.

The being in front of them had just appeared. Not even bothering with some type of warning before a glowing green portal had opened up in the Watchtower’s meeting room. As the main league members had gotten into battle formation a figure had stepped out, almost melting out of it as the– slime? matter?–clung to them when they exited, ducking through the circle as it closed behind them. The JL were all surprised to see the figure looked like a boy when they stood up fully. Their attire and coloring made it clear they weren’t from earth though. The snow white hair contrasted sharply against the mint-green tinted skin the figure had. Their hair seemed to be hazy, almost flaming but not quite. They had on a partial set of armor, made more for movement than all out protection. The matte black metal was inlaid with specks of silver,emulating stars in the night sky. It was layered over what looked like a futuristic hazmat suit.

Now that he’d had the thought Batman would say the whole thing was futuristic. Silver and black with white accents here and there. The shoulder pauldrons had a cloak hung from them, a pitch black thing that seemed to suck in the light around it and make the being stand out even more in sharp contrast to it. A cylindrical container hung at his side and in his hands was a bo-staff that looked just as futuristic as his suit. Neon green accents twisted around the silver staff from top to bottom. With eyes that glowed the same green as the portal the figure was impressive at first glance, then you looked a little longer–took a second look and realized they looked younger than most of the proteges. Younger than Damian and Jon even.

So forgive Batman for not taking him as seriously as he probably should have. He wasn’t outright dismissing him as a threat, he had several kids that got the best of him almost every day so he knew a thing or two about overpowered kids, but he didn’t believe the being was malicious. More on the nervous side in all honesty, maybe looking for help?

Then the kid had looked Superman in the eyes and said that unless certain demands were met his subjects would march on Earth and eradicate everything they deem to be a threat. He had then rambled on about useless information until Batman had cut him off. His attention snapped back from analyzing the encounter so far as the kid finally seemed ready to answer. Now that he looked closer he could tell the regal act was just that– an act put on to intimidate them.

“My realm is made up of beings from all over the universe, the dead and the neverborn, deities that have passed and lingered, beings that crave rest or resolution. I will not hold any one race, society, or planet in a higher regard simply because of my bias.” Danny said, keeping his voice as level as he could. He needed these heroes to listen to him, damnit! He couldn’t let his nerves get the best of him here. “I may be emperor of the Realms but I have a council that I hold in high regard. We have met and the judgment has been made. Should the governments of Earth not meet our demands, we will take action.”

Batman watched as the league seemed to swell before him, members reacting to the hidden threat but not willing to speak up. They knew better than to antagonize unknowns. He leaned around Superman who had continued to slowly creep more in front of him. The young boy seemed to be trying not to fidget as he held himself up in an obviously practiced position. Slightly elevated with his hands on his hips and head tilted up, forcing himself to meet the eyes of the adults across from him. Batman watched the kid swallow nervously and felt his resolve to hold his judgment give a little. Just as he was about to speak he saw Constantine move forward a bit. Just enough to get attention but not enough to get near the boy. He lowered his calculation of this getting resolved peacefully from the high seventies down to the low fifties. He tried not to sigh, of all the days for Constantine to have been in the meeting, why today?

“Realms? When you mean realms are we talking like, a different dimension or like, a different world?” He asked, his tone not leaving any doubt as to which was worse. Constantine was practically chewing his unlit cigarette as he gazed ahead, arms crossed and shoulders tense. “Cause that affects whether I need to be here or not. Also, when you said you were human, what did you mean? Did you sell your soul or something? You’re looking a little demonic there mate, and I can’t think of anything that would cause a transformation that big unless you messed with a big bad that shouldn’t have been messed with.”

Batman watched as the kid’s face scrunched up, a fairly normal response from a kid that’d been insulted but on this one’s face it certainly did look a little…demonish. Then again, people probably think his kids are demons too, especially the current Robin who has affectionately been called stabby. He tried not to shake his head as he turned his thoughts back to the boy, he needed to stop relating him back to his kids if he wanted to be objective. He could see why the JLD member was worried though, if the kid resembled something as horrifying as a baby demon.

“Well at least my soul doesn’t look like a paper mache project, dipshit.” Danny huffed. Crossing his arms as he settled himself down on the floor. The trenchcoat guy jerked like he’d slapped him, probably not expecting him to see that tattered old soul he had. Honestly he’d feel sorry for the guy in a different situation but he was tired of adults not fucking listening. People were going to get hurt if they didn’t listen. He blew out a breath to calm down, feeling the familiar burn of anxiety in his chest.

“Listen, I’ll be straight with you guys.” He said, giving up any pretense of formality. “Some type of government funded organization is capturing and experimenting on citizens of both our realms. In fact, I can pick out a couple of you guys that they’d probably love to get their hands on!” He started pacing as he looked at the group of superheroes. He felt his emotions getting the best of him as he took in the wary gazes that were settled on him. Not to mention the condescending gaze of the only normal looking human in the room. He didn’t even know that one! Isn’t the justice league all famous heroes?

“I’m sick of adults not listening to me! I’ve been trying to do this all by myself and I can’t! I just can’t!” He shouted, and grabbed his hair out of frustration as he finally stopped and faced them again. “I was one of them. They caught me and I barely got out. They’re too dangerous for me to face alone anymore and their weapons are designed to fight my kind, my people specifically. If I give them permission to fight back then the world won’t make it. Having my people fight is like lighting a fire, they’re dangerous and uncontrolled, when they start they’re not going to be stopped.” He paused to think of what releasing the denizens of the Ghost Zone on earth could accomplish.

An infinite number of ghosts of an infinite number of species with an infinite number of powers.

More numbers added to the ranks as more lives were lost.

An army that never ended.

He gulped.

“We’d win but life on Earth would be FUBARed, literally, and I don’t want that. My family still lives here, my friends. No one will have a chance.” He looked straight into the first pair of eyes he could –Batman– and hoped that the truth was plain on his face. “You guys are my only hope. Please.”

~

Notes: So I lost a lot of interest in this draft and probably won’t continue it. If anybody wants to feel free! If you want the tiny ideas that were thought up with it just shoot me a message.

[heartlilith]

Moon Signs and Song Lyrics

Leo Moon: White Tee - Lil Peep

"I used to think I love you, now I know it ain't true

Now I know it's not you, 50 on my boxers

B**** I know you see me, shinin' in my white tee, it's easy

I make it look easy, believe me, we Gucci"

Leo moons are bright beams of light and they're hard to not notice. I swear any Leo placement lights up a room without even meaning to. Leo moons have this aura of confidence, even if they're insecure you would never know. Especially after a break up or being done dirty by someone, they can pull this confidence out of a hat like a magician and make you regret losing them. They are the epitome of "post break up revenge", they make being beautiful look easy. When their friends or loved ones are heartbroken or just having an off day, Leo moons are the ones that build them back up again. Their light is contagious and people that have lost them will definitely feel the hole they leave behind.

Virgo Moon: Antartica - $uicideboy$

"Get the f*** away from me, I hate all of you faithfully,

this world was never made for me

Thankfully, I'm trained to see

Past all the lies, the ranks, the scenes"

Virgo moons are too good for this world. They are so selfless and will put themselves last if it means helping someone else out. Doing favors for people and being a shoulder to lean on distracts them from their own problems and makes them feel good about themselves; the fact that they can turn someones' day around is everything to them. Unfortunately, this can lead them to being taken advantage of. There is only so much a Virgo Moon can handle before they lose their cool. They see past people's bullshit and manipulation and will not be there for you after they sense that their being walked all over. Like Leo moon, you'll feel the absence of their presence and only then will you realize what you lost.

Libra Moon: 95 - Pouya

"You must be tired baby, 'cause you've been runnin' through my mind

I can't keep quiet baby, 'cause I've been burnin' deep inside,

I'm runnin' out of time, maybe you can fill my void

If not, keep tryin' baby, and never leave me alone"

Libra moons love love, it's no secret. They feel at their best when they have a partner they can experience everything with. Being ruled by Venus, they don't mind the corny type of love, they want compliments and they want to know that they're number 1. Unfortunately, the negative side is that they struggle with being single; they feel less secure without a partner. They want someone to come home to, to fill their "void" of something missing. It's so important for Libra moons to experience things with someone they love even as simple as giving their partner a bite of food, they want to share their happy moments.

Scorpio Moon: 5 Grand 8 to 1 -$uicideboy$

"I get caught up in my thoughts and I can't think right,

Caught up in the nightmare so I don't sleep right,

I just want them to to treat me like they used to,

I just want something real that I'm used to"

Scorpio moon natives can experience a lot of emotional ups and downs because they feel everything very intensely. A lot of transformative shifts can take place within them and around them, which effects their mental health greatly. I chose this song and these lyrics because Scorpio moon natives want something constant in a life full of chaos. They need an anchor - someone they love and trust. With a ride or die type of love, Scorpio moon natives can make it through anything.

Sagittarius Moon: Psycho Pass - Xavier Wulf

"I burn incense 'cause my brain like the smell

She get a whiff and thought it was a spell,

I ain't say come, but she at the hotel"

Sagittarius moons might not see it, but everyone else does. You're so cool, so nonchalant, cool without trying to be cool. You're the friend that everyone wants around because you're chill, funny, and a good time. In terms of love, you attract people with this attitude. You don't worry too much, you don't take things too seriously and I feel like this makes people want you more. Like fans following around a celebrity. People want to be where you are, they want to know what you're doing and do it with you. It's giving starstruck.

Capricorn Moon: Five Six - Pouya

"Yeah, I don't need nobody help but I feel like I'm dyin',

Beggin' for someone to pick me up and keep me thrivin'

If I said I love myself, I know I would be lyin'"

Capricorn Moon babies put on a tough exterior but what they really need is a shoulder to lean on. It's true that they're independent and self sufficient but to a fault. They don't like to ask for help or seem "weak" in anyway. They have a problem with being vulnerable with their emotions but they're the first person their loved ones call when they need to someone to talk to. Capricorn moons are the most hardworking people you will ever meet and it's not uncommon for them to throw themselves into work to avoid what's going on below the surface. Although this is an unhealthy coping mechanism, it often guarantees financial success. It's too bad money can't buy self-love.

Aquarius Moon: After Midnight - Blink 182

"We'll stagger home after midnight, sleep arm in arm in the stairwell,

we'll fall apart on the weekend, these nights go on and on and on"

Aquarius moons love a good time. They like feeling a rush of adrenaline and feeling like they're really living. You know when you're really interested in something you're doing and all of a sudden 3 hours pass by like 5 minutes? This feeling describes Aquarius moons perfectly. They want to be fully immersed into something they love and to be in the moment. They get a bad rep for being "cold" and "emotionless" but this isn't true, they just want a best friend as a lover first and foremost. They want to be with someone that shares their passions so that both of them can have that "partner in crime" type of love. They want someone that will let loose and be spontaneous with them.

Pisces Moon: Not Even Ghosts Are This Empty - $uicideboy$

"I'll tell you a secret, something they don't teach you in your temple

The gods envy us, they envy us because we're mortal

'Cause any moment might be our last

Everything's more beautiful because we're doomed"

Pisces moon natives have an intuitive grasp of philosophical and spiritual concepts. This placement soaks up energies in their environment like a sponge. Pisces moon thrives when they feel in touch with something greater than themselves. This placement shares a thin veil with the spiritual realm and can often experience psychic dreams and downloads. They are the true romantics of the zodiac and often see things with rose-colored glasses. This gives them the ability to see the beauty in the world around them and they can convince others to see it too.

[dent-de-leon]

All Caleb Widogast can taste is ash, the soot and smoke turning everything pitch black. Heat still searing the palms of his hands, boiling his blood. Before him a face burns, the flames cresting higher and higher, a roaring beacon in the darkness. The face is a stranger, eyeless sockets hollow and empty, mere kindling for the fire.

The face is his Mother, his Father. Astrid and Wulf and every good thing he'd ever burned.

He falls to his knees with a last, desperate cry--a curse, a prayer--begging for any and all gods to hear him, save him, change his wretched fate. All his life, Caleb Widogast had never known faith, never dared to invoke it. But deep down in the marrow of his bones, in whatever hell he's buried his heart, a part of him still clings to hope. Redemption. Salvation. An anguished plea for some force in this cruel world to set him free. Someone--anyone. Help me. Please.

And then, all at once, the world was quiet. He breathed with choked up, ragged gasps, and the air was clear--all the soot and ash drifting away. The roaring blaze dissipated into dying sparks and dull embers, just a winding cloud of smoke swallowed up by the chill night air, the smoldering heat at his fingertips going numb.

A figure stood towering above his prone form--a mere shadow one moment, but bathed in glistening moonlight the next. Curled horns glinted and gleamed with all manner of little baubles and golden charms, a forked tail darting out and swaying playfully behind him.

He's draped in a parade of vibrant color, ornate coat emblazoned with the symbol of every deity across the pantheon, the lining a sea of shimmering silvery moons. Each stitch of embroidery delicately woven with care, intricate beadwork and crystals glinting in the moonlight.

Caleb could see the Moonweaver's gossamer light in him, the way his eyes glinted with her playful mischief.

The tiefling spins and twirls with that roaring, ringing laughter, his coat fluttering in a blur of crimson as the wind kicks in. And before Caleb could protest, he's caught up in that wild dance; warm hands reach out and find him in the darkness, casting him back into the light.

And Caleb gladly welcomes that tender touch.

Hands joined with his partner, steps lighter than air. Caleb lets him take the lead, following after in a dance he's always known. He can't help but gravitate toward this shining soul, as inescapable as Catha caught in Exandria's pull. They beckon, and Caleb can only follow.

As their dance descends into its final steps, the tiefling whispers in his ear. A soft lilt to his cadence, charming and musical.

"Why so surprised, Magician? You asked me for help, didn't you?" A hint of amusement colored his words, warm and playful.

Not you, Caleb thinks, fleeting iconography of the pantheon flickering in his mind. This was not the noble Dawnfather, the Lawmaster, the Knowing Mistress--none of the…appropriate gods his family prayed to under the strict reign of the Empire. This was a heathen god, some interloper. One of the dangerous idols he was always warned about.

The stranger circled Caleb, eyeing him appraisingly as his gaze trailed over the wizard's haunted stare and torn clothes. The tattered, fraying bandages he'd stolen years ago. The fresh bruises just beginning to bloom.

Caleb backs away, unable to bear the piercing focus of that unerring gaze, the way this stranger could see his whole hollowed out heart with but a glance. His eyes--all his red eyes, shining bright--seeing everything.

"Who are you?" he demands, head held high, even as his voice starts to shake. What are you?

The tiefling advances. Drawing another step closer, a hand outstretched in welcome--all Caleb wants is to take it.

"I'm...a friend," he says amicably, bearing all his teeth in a sharp-toothed grin.

For some reason, Caleb isn't afraid.

Gentle claws skim his skin with the barest touch, drifting down his cheek in a fond caress.

"Your dreams called to me, Magician. You're...interesting, and I'm curious. And more importantly--you cried out for help. Do I need any other reason?"

His gaze, his voice--they soften, melt--soothing him as the glistening sky above bleeds away into inky black darkness. No starlight, no moons. Just them, tucked away in this little patch of shadowed solace where the nightmares can't reach him, where the flames don't still burn.

The only heat is the tiefling's arms around him, wrapping him in a warm embrace. The delicate press of his lips to Caleb's sweat sheened forehead. It feels like a gift, a promise; solace and grace and the first gentle touch he's known in so long. Devotion so divine it feels purely mortal.

"Consider this my blessing--and an invitation. May the Monweaver watch over you, Magician."

"What are you offering?" Caleb rasped. He can feel the rest of the world slipping away, can feel the taste of ash and soot clawing up the back of his throat.

"Nothing much. Just a bit of luck. And some dreams. Sleep tight, Mr. Caleb--you've had enough nightmares for one life."

When he awoke, the flames were gone.

[opinions-about-tiaras]

So apparently the Rohirrim-focused Lord of the Rings animated movie is actually happening. I have to say that after it kept getting pushed back and there was no hype, no trailers, no nothing, I thought it wouldn't. But no, they showed like twenty minutes at Annecy and apparently it looks pretty good? They released no trailer to the public, but they did release some promo images, and I like what I'm seeing:

Image quality is kind of shitty, but that sure is the Golden Hall, and I do like a redhead. Very Princess Mononoke vibe from the whole thing.

So this is honestly a pretty good idea. I have zero interest in watching old man Viggo Mortensen track Gollum for four hours. That is... that does nothing for me. But the saga of Helm Hammerhand is a great hook; it's in familiar, iconic locations, but the events themselves are sketched out so roughly you can do an awful lot with them. There's political machinations, betrayal, war, conquest, pride, envy, some of that good shit that Tolkien really excelled at. Helm's daughter didn't even have a name in the appendices, which means that you're free to flesh her out just about any way you like.

But anyway! This got me to thinking about Helm and his reign.

So I hauled my books down off the shelf and read up on ol' Helm, and... okay, wow. I was honestly sort of surprised by what I found there. I remembered this, but hadn't really thought about it before.

Helm, the storied king of Rohan, second in renown only to Theoden and Eorl himself, is sort of... he isn't great. He sort of sucks, actually, I think.

You know what, I'm just going to excerpt the whole thing, which isn't that long:

Of the Kings of the Mark between Eorl and Theoden most is said of Helm Hammerhand. There was at that time a man named Freca, who claimed descent from King Freawine, though he had, men said, much Dunlendish blood, and was dark-haired. He grew rich and powerful, having wide lands on either side of the Adorn. Near its source he made himself a stronghold and paid little heed to the king. Helm mistrusted him, but called him to his councils; and he came when it pleased him. To one of these councils Freca rode with many men, and he asked the hand of Helm's daughter for his son Wulf. But Helm said: "You have grown big since you were last here; but it is mostly fat, I guess"; and men laughed at that, for Freca was wide in the belt. Then Freca fell into a rage and reviled the king, and said this at the last: "Old kings that refuse a proffered staff may fall on their knees." Helm answered: "Come! The marriage of your son is a trifle. Let Helm and Freca deal with it later. Meanwhile the king and his council have matters of moment to consider." When the council was over, Helm stood up and laid his great hand on Freca's shoulder, saying: "The king does not permit brawls in his house, but men are freer outside"; and he forced Freca to walk before him out from Edoras into the field. To Freca's men that came up he said: "Be off! We need no hearers. We are going to speak of a private matter alone. Go and talk to my men!" And they looked and saw that the king's men and his friends far outnumbered them, and they drew back. "Now, Dunlending," said the king, "you have only Helm to deal with, alone and unarmed. But you have said much already, and it is my turn to speak. Freca, your folly has grown with your belly. You talk of a staff! If Helm dislikes a crooked staff that is thrust on him, he breaks it. So!" With that he smote Freca such a blow with his fist that he fell back stunned, and died soon after. Helm then proclaimed Freca's son and near kin the king's enemies; and they fled, for at once Helm sent many men riding to the west marches.

It's been some years since I read this, and I have to say that... well.. Helm doesn't come off as the wronged party here, or as a just, evenhanded king. He comes off as a murderous asshole.

Freca is clearly an overmighty vassal, not doing proper homage to his king. This is a good reason for said king to mistrust him, but so far he hasn't done anything actually wrong.

Freca wants to make a match between his son and a daughter of the royal house. As someone with royal blood himself, a cousin to the king (Freawine is Helm's great-grandfather; Freca is probably Helm's third or second cousin) who has a mighty fief, Wulf would be an acceptable match. Helm, however, doesn't just demur, refusing the match; he responds to the offer with an insult. That's his right as king, of course, but it's still a dick move.

Freca responds by getting angry and "reviling" his king, and then issuing a veiled threat; saying in essence that Helm needs him more than he needs Helm. This crosses a number of lines; even when the king insults you in front of his entire court, you really can't do that back to him. Helm would be entitled to demand an apology, or banish Freca from his councils, or any one of a number of other appropriate proportionate punishments.

Instead Helm escalates about as far as you can escalate. First he forces Freca from his hall, probably so he can't be said to have slain a guest beneath his roof. (The Rohirrim are based on Anglo-Saxon cultural traditions and this had a strong, though not unbreakable, concept of guest right. I'm making a bit of an assumption there, tho.) Then he essentially says that in his eyes, Freca isn't one of the Eorlingas, one of the Men of the Mark; he is a Dunlending, which of course places him outside of the king's protection.

Then Helm simply straight-up murders him with his bare hands in cold blood.

Following this murder, of which there is not even a pretense of it being an act of a king dispensing justice rather than that of a thug murdering a rival, Helm puts the cherry on the sundae by dispossessing Helm's heirs and family and driving them from their homes by force.

And I mean. Fuck me. This is classic "how blood feuds start" shit. If I were Wulf I abso-fucking-lutely would have raised an army and come back and conquered the shit out of Rohan. The king murdered your dad! In front of everyone!

Helm Hammerhand is the proximate cause of his own kingdom's near-demise.

[peasant-player]

I watched the war of the rohirrim!

And I have thoughts spoilers under the cut + some crappy doodles ❤️

Man that Oliphant was nightmare fuel.

I never thought I would be scared of elephants but here I am.

The watcher was kinda adorable!

Here some doodles xD

Wulf is now forever a raccoonTM in my head.

What a pathetic man.

Whoever said Hera is a Mary sue needs to check their brain OR the definition of Mary Sue.

For God sake her first real kill was with the help of her horse and a pitchfork while laying down being terrified.

I do like that she used the "death" Sentence in her amazing show off against the racoonTM because that what Rohans warrior use to say while riding into battle!

I disapprove about her daily clothing choice. White boots and shirt? Really? That poor laundry lady!

Now to the more important part that I need to say:

I loved Targg and the shield maiden Owlyn so much. I want a healing fix it and I ship them.

Did they had any interactions with each other. No. But that's not gonna stop hopefully anyone!

He was a really good general with great moral compass! He would have spared Hama and the small folk. Now let me get this quick~ out of the system:

I loved his clothing and I mean he got just stabbed once(1)time he could survive that! (Helm got shot with arrows like 6 times and was fist fighting people while being very depressed in a snowstorm like a week after that)

Let there be some loyal wild men safe Targg from the battle field and then he heals but doesn't know what to do with his life and then he meets hera and olwyn and he tags along because he respects her and he has nothing better to do. They could go on a adventure together.

Or idk let him see that the raccoon man is crazy earlier and safe hama for negotiations or whatever and he helps Rohan idk I read fics with much worse unrealistic premise and it still worked great!

Here have a little comic

So let's talk about Helm hammerhand!

What a legend. No really I'm gonna draw him standing heroics with his tits out and his hammer holding into the sky.

He would approve.

I laughed out loud that he kinda froze to death and suddenly had his hammer in his hand!

He punched a ogre/orc to death! Sauron and the Balrog should be thankful that he does not have access to thermo leggings and the blood of the Numenorian because he would have punched them all straight into the void!!

He would have throw the ring into the fire because he has no use of such nonsense!

And Haleth !! The silm Haleth would have approved of him!!!

So cool,so hot and even his death was kinda cool, very quick but so heroic.

The twink bard hama got used up to show that the raccoonTM is a terrible war lord and a super pathetic man. Kinda sad and underwhelming. Good part to start a fix it fic!

And wulf Ach wulf man idk what to say I will say that the German dub gave him a better and deeper voice then the English voice so that was nice! I had some feeling for him when his father died and he got choked out by helm but he really went all out to become very pathetic.

I hope there are some good fics that work on his very odd characteristics

I'm gonna draw him once being even much more pathetic but I need to confess he is rather bland next to Targg or Frealaf!!

Frealaf ❤️ God he is SO handsome and so cool in the rescue and he got that calm vibe about him.

He makes a great King.

I loved his clothing so much in general the clothing was great!! (Except the white pants/boot from hera!!)

Very beautiful and I can't wait to see more close up pics!! It was of course alot of fantasy style belts and fur but I do not mind that!

Then the very funny siege machine.

In all earnestly if the wild men are so good at building stuff and hauling around ridiculous amount of woods then they missed their opportunity to become middle earth's greatest engineers!!

Builders!

Wood cutters!

Why fighting around and eating scraps if you could become middle earth's best architect??

And what the hell did the poor drum player did wrong that he got a free yeeting into the atmosphere???

At least he was dedicated to play his drum until his end I guess?

But I loved the skull masks! Hehe very easy way to draw some hot wild men ~

That's my thoughts I did not went into much details about what could have been better or what is not really like in the books. I'm just glad that there is another great addition to the Tolkien fandom!!

[duskyashe]

CAMP NANO DAY 12

[AO3]

============·^·^·^·============

Danny could have cried in relief. All of his hard work (and Jazz's pointed words with the more friendly of his rogues) had paid off—Danny could finally, finally take a nap. His homework was caught up, all his chores were done, his parents were off terrorizing yet another ghost hunters convention, and the only ghost he'd had to deal with the entire day had been a blob ghost making itself at home in the neighbor's trash can. With Jazz and his friends on deck for emergency ghost wrangling, Danny couldn't find it in himself to feel anything but relief as he buried himself under his blankets on his rarely used bed.

As the sixteen year old half ghost started drifting off, eagerly looking forward to catching up on his sleep, a familiar green glow appeared over his bed and a bone chilling gasp got stuck in the back of his throat, startling Danny awake. "No, no, no, come on!" Danny cried out in frustration. "Just one undisturbed afternoon nap, is that too much to ask?!" Half expecting Wulf to come tumbling out of the dimensional tear that was suspended above his bed, Danny changed forms and sat up against his headboard. If the Esperanto speaking ghost showed up, Danny wanted ready access to his ghost half's innate understanding of all languages spoken by the dead and the NeverBorn.

Instead of Wulf, however, the person who fell through the unstable portal and onto his bed was wearing an armored costume. A very familiar armored costume. What was Nightwing doing in his bedroom?!

The Gotham vigilante quickly rolled off his bed and landed in a crouch, visibly taking the situation in. It was something Danny, himself, had done many times over the past two years, and personal experience had him raising his hands and carefully holding them away from himself as a peaceful gesture. Even though Danny was hella confused, he let Nightwing dictate when the questioning began.

He wasn't even going to think about the kinds of questions his bedroom would raise or the deductions that one of the superhero community's greatest detectives would be able to make from this experience. That way led madness.

Apparently satisfied with his visual scan of Danny's room, Nightwing turned the majority of his attention to Danny and asked, "Who are you?" Overall, definitely one of the better questions to ask in this situation.

"I'm Phantom," Danny replied, then cringed at the remembered lecture from Pandora about titles and using them and amended his statement. "King Phantom, I guess."

Nightwing's attention narrowed in on him at that, feeling almost like a laser. "King Phantom? Ghost King Phantom?"

Danny scowled at that, suddenly understanding the gist of what had happened. "Let me guess, some hoity toity big wig fruitloop kidnapped and sacrificed you to the Ghost King, either for favor, power, immortality, or all of the above?"

His reaction seemed to have set Nightwing off balance somewhat, as the man hesitated slightly before responding much less hostilely. "Yessss? I mean, the Lazarus Pits have been growing less and less potent over the last two years, and Ra's seems to be getting more than a little desperate. Apparently he did the same ritual once before, about four hundred years ago, and ended up with the Lazarus Pits. The same Pits that are losing potency at a frankly astonishing rate."

"Of course," Danny mumbled with a curse and a facepalm. "Here's the problem. Two years ago, there was a different Ghost King. He was very much not a good dude, very power hungry and very evil. He probably received that sacrifice four hundred years ago and decided it was a good investment, and so created those Lazarus Pits as a show of favor. They probably granted inhuman power and the ability to cheat death, right?" At Nightwing's nod, Danny continued. "Yeah, see, there's no real way to cheat death, not like that. Death comes for everyone eventually, you can just prolong the inevitable. Ever since I defeated the previous King in ritualistic single combat, all favors, spells, and curses put in place by the former King have been dissolving without the power of the throne behind them. Unless the new King, me, reinforces those favors, spells, and curses, they will eventually wither into nothing." Danny saw Nightwing start to pale and hurried to reassure him. "Luckily for you, I have no intention of doing that. You'd become my thrall and effectively die right here and now if I did. I really don't want to do that, you're one of my favorite heroes ever, so instead what I'm going to do is basically quicken the process of those Lazarus Pits drying up. Anyone willing to sacrifice one of the heroes of the world for a little bit of power and prolong their death will never find favor from me," Danny declared, feeling his eyes flash silver as his Royal Decree was written in the very fabric of the universe. "Now! How about we get you back to where you belong!"

============·^·^·^·============

So sorry for missing yesterday, my boyfriend flew in from out of state, so I had to go pick him up from the airport, which was almost three hours one way, and I ended up with hardly any time to write. I also forgot to write for a good portion of today, so this was a bit rushed and not at all what I was originally planning on writing (⁠^⁠～⁠^⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ but hey! Another prompt from the Batpham server has been written and published! (⁠ノ⁠^⁠_⁠^⁠)⁠ノ

I'm trying to finish Cryptid Crash Course chapter 3 for y'all, but I can't quite get the opening to work the way I want it to, so I'm letting it sit and marinate in the back of my head (⁠；⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠）don't worry, I'm planning on finishing the entirety of Cryptid Crash Course this month! I just don't know when that'll actually be ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠⊙⁠_⁠ʖ⁠⊙⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Once again, if anyone wants to add on to this, please feel free! I fully intend for this to be the only time I touch on this world, so it's free game, y'all (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ have at it!

Have a good morning/day/night wherever you are!

[wolfjackle-creates]

Bring Me Home Arc 2 Part 15

Happy WIP Wednesday! (Ignores the fact that it's almost an hour into Thursday my time.)

Story Summary: Tim and Danny are both neglected by parents who care more about their work than their families. They deal with this by spending too much time online and find each other playing MMORPGs. They keep up their friendship as Tim becomes Robin and Danny becomes Phantom and don't bother keeping secrets from each other.

First, Previous

Word Count: 1.2k

-----

“Shit. Okay. I’ll fly us back. Bye Tim, everyone!” Danny picked up Tucker and flew away, turning invisible before he was more than a few yards away.

Tim sighed as he watched them. “Invisibility would be such a useful power. Paired with intangibility? Do you have any idea how much that’d help us out in Gotham?”

“Yeah, yeah,” said Cassie dismissively. “So what’re we doing for the next few hours?”

Wulf cocked his head and looked at them. Tim waved to him. “Let’s see what we can find out from our maybe-friend here.” Then, to Wulf, he asked, “Walker?”

Wulf’s bemused expression turned angry and he snarled.

Tim laughed and gave a thumbs up to show his agreement. “I’ve”—he pointed at himself—“heard”—this time his ears—“bad”—he scowled—“things about Walker.”

“Malbono,” said Wulf.

Tim grinned. “Very malbono,” he agreed.

Wulf bared his teeth, but this time, Tim thought it was more of a grin.

Cassie sat down on the ground. “So, Wulf and Danny are both targeted by this Walker ghost. How do we keep them safe?”

Tim shrugged. To Wulf, he said, “We”—pointing to him and his friends—“keep you”— pointing to Wulf—“safe. Secure. Protect.” Hopefully at least one of those words would be similar enough to the Esperanto word for the same concept.

“Protekti,” agreed Wulf.

Bart pointed at himself. “One.” Then to Conner, “Two.” Tim was called three and Cassie four. With a stick, he drew a crude figure of Danny’s ghost form, Sam, and Tucker, counting each one to seven. Then he pointed to Wulf. “Eight.” He drew the number in the dirt to reinforce the count. “Walker, how many?” He lifted his hands in an I-don’t-know gesture.

Wulf started with his hands close and slowly spread them wide. “Multaj.”

Tim’s stomach sank at the answer. They’d faced bad odds before, but it was never good.

“What does Walker want?” asked Conner.

But Wulf only looked at him in confusion and none of them could figure out how to ask that in charades.

Cassie grabbed another stick and began drawing. She started with a line and on one side, she had humanoid ghosts with tails instead of legs, on the other side she had stick figures. Then she drew arrows from the ghost side to the human side. Under the arrows, she drew question marks. Looking up, she asked, “How?”

Wulf bared his teeth again and pointed at himself. “Wulf.” He flexed his hand showing off his claws. Conner tensed at the action, but Wulf ignored him. Instead, he drew his hand down the air. Tim felt like he could hear tearing, but it was as if the sound originated in his brain, bypassing his ears entirely.

In the path of Wulf’s claws was a glowing green portal. Another gesture and it disappeared.

Tim stared in wonder. “So, if you’re here and with us, Walker can’t send any more ghosts to Amity. That makes things so much easier.”

Wulf only grinned at him.

Bart poked Tim’s side. “Think he needs to eat?”

Tim laughed. “You’re just hungry yourself. He’s already dead.”

Bart shrugged. “We haven’t had lunch yet.”

“I’m with Bart,” said Cassie. “I’m getting hungry. And it’d be rude to not offer anything to him. Bart, get us stuff from that burger place Danny took us to. And grab extra in case our new friend wants anything.”

Tim rummaged around in his bag and pulled out two hundred dollars cash. All three of his friends had metabolisms to match their powers. “Here, get as much as you want. Simple cheeseburger and fries for me.”

The others gave their orders and Bart was off.

The rest of the afternoon was spent mostly hanging out in the woods with Wulf. When Bart had offered him a burger, he’d sniffed it before pulling a face and giving it back. Bart just shrugged and ate it himself.

“Shouldn’t you be doing homework?” Conner asked Tim after a while. They’d run through most of the questions they could ask via pantomime and Bart and Cassie had taken to pointing at things and asking what they were called in Esperanto. “Bruce won’t be happy with you.”

Tim sighed. “No, you’re right. If we can’t research in the library, I should do something productive.”

Though it only took an hour and a half of going through his schoolwork for Tim to want to tear his own hair out. He slammed his book shut, making four pairs of eyes instantly fly to him.

“I can’t do this anymore! I can’t wait until I don’t need to be in school anymore. Who wants to spar with me?”

Conner stepped forward. “I’ll take the first round.”

“Great. I’m going to use the staff Danny gave me. I want to practice with it more.”

Wulf watched them as they sparred. Tim held his own against Conner, though ultimately the half-Kryptonian won. Cassie beat him next.

Bart sat the spars out because he won every time if allowed to fight. But he made a very good referee.

Tim and Cassie were having their third match of the day when Danny, Sam, and Tucker rejoined them.

Tim was breathing hard as he blocked another blow from Cassie with his staff. “Hey, Danny,” he said. Then he did a twist he’d learned from Dick coupled with a move he’d learned from Lady Shiva and Cassie was flat on her back. Tim grinned as he offered her a hand to help her up. “Looks like I win the last match of the day.”

“Well I won our two previous ones,” retorted Cassie as she took his hand.

Sam let out a whistle. “Damn, that was impressive. Where’d you learn to fight like that?”

“B sent me to Europe for several months to train from a bunch of different masters when I forced him to take me on.”

“Must’ve been good teachers if you can hold your own as a regular human against metas.”

Tim nodded and moved so he could nudge Danny. “I’ve been trying to convince this one to join me for a few weekends so I could get him some training, but he’d rather rely on luck and his powers.”

Danny rolled his eyes and scoffed. “You know that’s not what it is. I’m just afraid that if I leave any more often than I have to, something will happen!”

“Sure, sure,” said Tim. “But now that your parents know me and I can see just how bad it is, I’ll be coming to you to train you. No getting out of it now!”

Danny just groaned.

Tucker grinned. “Let me know when you come, and I’ll fit your training sessions into Danny’s schedule.”

“Absolutely.”

Sam pointed her thumb at Wulf. “So, how’re we gonna sneak a giant ghost through town and into my house anyway?”

Danny shrugged. “I figured he and I could fly there invisibly. I’ll drop my invisibility and enter through the door so your parents or grandma see me enter, and Wulf will drop it once we’re in private.”

“Fine, fine. Come on, then.”

-----

Next

In the show, there was a time skip between when Danny caught up with Wulf during his school lunch period and the four (Danny, Sam, Tucker, Wulf) all cramming into Tucker's bedroom that night. So I have no idea if Danny returned to school or not. And if he did, what did Wulf do all afternoon and evening? How did they meet up again? Or am I right and Danny skipped?

Good thing we have other people here to help out this time and it doesn't matter!

I no longer do tag lists for this fic, but please checkout the Subscription Post if you want notifications when this updates.

[fandonnavyce]

Jason in Wonderland

Crossover Danuary Day 4

Day 1 - Ben 10 Xover Tucker escapes Space Prison with the help of his two best friends

Day 2 - Atla Xover Hey, remember when Sokka got kidnapped into the Spirit World?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Slush kicks up in Jason’s wake as he stomps down Gotham’s street on Christmas Day.  Icy hands are bunched up in their sleeves, his curled fists jammed into his jacket’s pockets. The freezing wind slaps his face and Jason’s pissed he can’t slap it back.

“I’M LATE, I’M LATE! FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE! NO TIME TO SAY HELLO, GOODBYE, I’M LATE, I’M LATE, I’M LATE!” 

Speeding right past, and nearly bowling Jason over like a wrecking ball, a giant fucking rabbit thunders past. Jason stares in sheer astonishment as it hippity-hops and leaps into a massive green portal that Jason had apparently been too blind to notice until now.

Jason whips his head round to see if any other Gothamite is seeing this.

No one is seeing this.

And not in that ‘I see nothing cause that ain’t my business’ kind of way. His fellow Gothamite pedestrians are genuinely fully oblivious to the glowing hole in the fabric of reality and the giant anthropomorphic unseasonal Easter Bunny in their midst that had just bounced right into it.  

(Warning Long Post)

Coming out from the green glowing portal was the head of a werewolf peeking out, then the rest of its bestial body (clothed in a ragged green tracksuit) follows.

"That's probably everyone," says the werewolf as it lingers in front of the portal. It turns to head back into the portal.

On sheer impulse, Jason sprints down the street. Jason can feel the attention he’s drawing. He's 6 foot tall, has the shoulders of a linebacker, and is pounding the pavement like there are lives on the line. His fellow Gothamites calmly adjust out of his way.

The werewolf disappears through the green portal. With a desperate leap, Jason charges in right after.

Jason feels the portal close behind him.

Line break  

Then Jason is violently, painfully ill.

A burning sensation quickly builds inside his chest. A blistering heat is searing his heart. His heart thrashes in agony. Jason doubles over. His skin starts itching. Starts crawling. Jason’s fingers want to peel and pry the skin off his flesh for relief. Have slick wet blood gush and soothe his skin. Have the bleeding tears let his skin breathe in relief.  His hands are busy gagging his threatening vomit at the outbreak of his sudden vicious nausea. 

Then gravity decides to fuck around.

Jason is now plummeting, spiralling downwards into an unknowing, endless fall. 

There’s nothing more rage-inducing than being suddenly violently and incomprehensibly ill whilst in the midsts of fucking freefall. 

Jason’s screams shatter the air.

The werewolf whirls around. He sees the displaced, living human uncontrollably falling in a panicked frenzy behind him.

"Nu, tio ne estas bona". (Well that's not good).

With a single bound, Wulf approaches the human, then he smartly opens up another portal beneath the falling mortal, in order to send the human back to the physical realm, Gotham. 

But just as the human dipped into the portal, Wulf looks on in horror. He realises that the human was having a violent seizure whilst free falling. In the split second of that realisation, the human’s violent reaction interferes with his portal’s spatial displacement.

A clash of green, bursting light and hissing red blinds him. 

Once he can see again, the portal and the human are both gone.  Wulf doesn’t know where that young man has gone but he doubts it was Gotham, Earth.

Wulf sends thoughts and prayers for the young man.

Line break

“Fuuuuuuuuck!!!” 

Jason yells out into the uncaring green void when it finally stopped spinning. 

The fire in his chest died down to a thrumming burn; painful but tolerable. The skin crawling had lessened to a frustrating itch, the horrendous nausea was now motion sickness.   

"Hey Leather Jacket, you good?”

Coming to a slow stop next to him was a couple riding a motorcycle. Their skin colour was ash grey and the lady had unnatural green hair. 

“That’s fine”, thought Jason. “Everything’s unnatural here anyway.”

“You lost or something?" The man asks. Jason looks around at the swirling green void of a sky and floating broken islands he was drifting between.

"Yeah, you could say that. You wouldn't happen to know where Gotham is?" Jason asked without much hope.

"Oh yeah we know Gotham," the lady answered helpfully. Jason felt hope surge within. Maybe, he wasn’t completely fucked. "You’ll find it thataway. The Revolving River of Doors has recently migrated back so if you head over Skulker’s Island - “

“Do you know where Skulker’s Island is?” the dude interrupted. 

“Of course he knows where it is. Everyone knows where it is, amirite.” The girl smiles leadingly at Jason. Jason stares blankly back. The girl's eyebrows fly off her head in surprise. Just like a cartoon character. Silently, Jason watches the eyebrows float back into place. 

“Oh so you don’t know. How about that Johnny?”

“Yeah, how about that. You a hermit or something?”

“Or something” Jason bites back.

“Well anyway,” the girl continues, “from where we’re standing, Skulker’s Island is just a short Hunt away. The island has a gigantic skull stuck on it, so you can’t miss it.”

“You really can’t. A blind man can see that damn thing for miles.”

“You really can. Right so, once you’ve reached Skulker’s Island,”

“No wait, how do I get to Skulker’s Island?”

“Like I just said,” the lady repeats impatiently, “it’s only a short Hunt away.”

“... right, but to get there, which direction should I take?”

“Whichever one you please,” the girl answers airily, “it’s a short Hunt away.”

“Right, right. It’s a short hunt away. OK. But in which direction should I go from here?”

“Well that depends a good deal on how you want to get there?”

“I don’t much care how—” said Jason.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the lady.

“—so long as I actually get there,” Jason added, exasperated.

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” she said, “it’s just a short Hunt away.”

“So what you’re trying to tell me is that I can pick any direction?”

“Any direction”

“Any direction at all,” the guy chimes in.

“And I’ll find Skulker’s Island,” Jason continues.

“Only a short Hunt away, exactly” the lady finishes. “So once there, you’ll want to head on over it. Not under it or around it but over it. If you try to go under or around it, you’ll likely end up in Alaska.”

The biker dude frowns at his girl, “Not Ember’s Lair?”

“Nah they’ve broken up.”

“Oh like for real?”

“This time maybe, yeah.”

“Ooof. What did Skulker do?”

“Get this. He forgot her Death Day.”

The dude gasped, “He forgot! But she has a wholeass song!”

“Fucking exactly! That’s what I said when Jazz told me.”

“RIP Skulker.”

“RIP Skulker.”

“A babe like that was out of his league anyway,” the dude leers. His girlfriend smacks him unimpressed.

“Why’d you smack me? I’m right!”

“I didn’t like the way you said it.” The girlfriend retorts, her hand on her hips.

“You didn’t like-” the dude acts flabbergasted, “oh c’mon Kitty, I didn’t mean nothing by it, so why are you”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Jason interrupts unsorry, “but as the lady was saying?”

“Oooh lady,” she smiles, “I like the sound of that.”

The greasy haired ginger turns and death glares at Jason, which Jason ignores.

“So where was I?”

“That I should head over, not around or under, but over the island with the giant skull on it...”

“Right, so above Skulker’s Island you’ll see the Revolving River of Doors. And one of those doors will be a Purple Travesty to Gothic Art Deco. That's the door to Gotham.”

"But why are you heading on over to Gotham anyway?” the ginger-haired biker asks, now slouching grumpily over his handlebars. “You ain't attending the King's Not Christmas Shindig?"

The green-haired lady perks up, "Speaking of the King, bet he'd luuurve to see you."

Jason was sceptical, “Why would your King want to see me?”

“More like why wouldn’t he want to see you?” the biker dude drawled, “Like who even are you?”

“Someone who's way more confused than they were when they woke up this morning.”

“Oh!” the girl snapped her fingers, “You wouldn’t happen to want to adopt the King?”

“Or End the King”

“Or kill his Pops?”

“Or fuck his Mama?”

“Make his clones?”

“Mess with things beyond your power?”  

“And then dump the responsibility onto his lap?”

“Before ditching him to save your own skin?”

“...” Jason defensively crossed his arms. 

The couple were now leaning into his space, waiting attentively for his answer with creepy smiles on their faces.

“... No, I don’t want to do any of that.” 

“Awesome, then you’re perfect!” the girl cheered.

“Perfect, how? For not being a madman?!”

“Well c’mon now” the guy drawled, “we’re all mad here.” 

The couple’s grins grew wider.

Ooof if you managed to get all the way down here then don't forget to reblog to spread the post!😊

@crossoverdanuary