#Gonna be lot of infighting and chaos

[a-random-whovian7]

What your favourite Doctor says about you (just like the Master and Companion lists, this is all just jokes and my own terrible takes, absolutely no offence intended towards anyone). This is gonna be a long one, so good luck:

One (I think):

Is somehow able to sit through The Keys of Marinus whilst completely sober. Their feelings on Twice Upon a Time completely depend on whether they are able to accept that TV shows made in the 1960s will inevitably have some outdated bits or not. Loves slow-burners and less science-heavy stories, and wishes the Doctor would go back to trolling his companions again. Prays every night for The Celestial Toymaker and Marco Polo to be found. Hates the Timeless Child with a burning passion.

Two:

Two fans deserve a lot better. Despite a large chunk of their era being limited to surviving audio, PowerPoint presentations telesnaps and the, er, mixed bag of animated reconstructions, they still contribute a lot to the discussion of Classic Who and are usually well versed in the lore of the EU. 2nd Doctor fans are remarkable, as they are able to get along with pretty much every other group of fans. However, there is plenty of infighting thanks to the UNIT dating controversy and which story should be reconstructed next. If they ship Two/Jamie, they have fully earned your love and are surprisingly good if you pass them the aux.

Three:

Pretty much blows a gasket whenever some idiot says that the modern era is 'too political'. Like, I'm sorry, but was the "England for the English" scene in the Claws of Axos a little too subtle for you? Were Malcolm Hulke's scripts absolutely apolitical in your eyes? Does the mere existence of The Green Death mean nothing to you?! Oh, well maybe you should try WATCHING THE SHOW and DOING YOUR RESEARCH before you start claiming that it's become 'tOo pOLiTiCaL' because the main characters aren't always played by Whiteguy McStraight now, shouldn't you?! YOU AND YOUR MEDIOCRE OPINION SHALL COWER BEFORE MY KNOWLEDGE OF THE THIRD DOCTOR'S ERA AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!

It is for this very reason that 3rd Doctor fans get along particularly well with 13th Doctor fans. Perfectly nice people with a great sense of humour and an excellent taste in episodes, unless a conversation resembling the above occurs, at which point you will see how much damage the repressed urge to do Venusian Akido can do. Refuses to admit that The Ambassadors of Death is two episodes too long.

Four:

Either a child of the 70s or chaos incarnate. Yes, 4 is pretty much the universally recognised Doctor, but that doesn't stop him from being one of the most unhinged Doctors. Loves more gothic horror-themed episodes and can ignore the somewhat questionable production qualities of early Baker stories. They have almost certainly attempted to make The Scarf at one point; whether they were successful or not entirely depends on their talent for knitting. Is surprisingly ok with admitting that Tom Baker stayed for a little too long and that his later seasons were a little underwhelming. Hasn't stopped them from watching every version of Shada though.

Five:

The tired parental figure of any group they are in. They immediately related to this Doctor when they saw 5 trying to hold it together whilst his multiple adopted humans argued, whined and got themselves trapped on doomed freighter ships. Has tried to play cricket once, but a general confusion over the rules and a few broken windows stopped that. You can take care of the cinnamon roll that is the standard 5 fan by providing them with cups of tea, giving them lots of hugs and removing all copies of Time Flight from your house.

Six:

Best fashion sense out of all the fans... somehow. Their favourite episodes are usually Vengeance on Varos or Revelation of the Daleks (both bangers), although they lean more heavily towards EU and Big Finish material, where the stories are more consistent and the costumes are less yikes. Either the best or worst fan to be around, either giving fair balanced views on the show or just being an absolute arse. Loves cats. Hates Michael Grade. Kind of ambivalent towards Mel.

Seven:

If 2nd Doctor fans are well versed in the EU lore, then these individuals are fucking academics. Constantly annoyed that 7 had two of the best seasons of Classic Who and was the darkest Doctor but is only remembered for Time and the Rani for some reason. Their favourite companion will always be Ace, which is what motivated them to watch Power of the Doctor. Usually excellent taste in stories, but is completely capable of dragging you to the depths of the EU. Wishes the Doctor would commit a few more genocides. Their religious beliefs can be summarised in the phrase "Cartmel Master Plan". Still annoyed that the most strategic Doctor was killed by the two most American things (guns and bad healthcare), but gets along well with 8 fans despite that. Somehow understands Ghost Light after just 3 rewatches.

Eight:

Big Finish fan. Basically willing to explain the entire plot of Dark Eyes if you ask them. Thinks the TV Movie is just OK, and has rewatched Night of the Doctor too many times to count. Loves a sad boy, and has definitely referred to 8 as a "poor little meow meow" at some point. Wishes 8's TARDIS interior was still intact and that he'll get his own live action series. Had an actual heart attack when he appeared in Power of the Doctor. Usually a bisexual from my personal experience, and looking at Paul McGann in the 90s, I can see why.

War (or is it Nine?):

We're stepping into the depths of the Moffat cult with this one. Wants a more traumatised Doctor, and kind of wishes we saw more of the Time War beyond the laser battle in Day of the Doctor. Content to sit back and watch due to the fact that the War Doctor had the perfect arc in his one episode, although they are happy that the War Doctor still pops up in the EU. Bridging the gap between the modern and classic series means they get along well with everyone except Shalka fans.

Nine (the Curse of Fatal Death one):

Does this one count? Just loves the classic series. Still praying for Joanna Lumley as the Doctor. Nowhere near as obnoxious as the Shalka fans and surprisingly funny.

Nine (the Scream of the Shalka one):

They pride themselves on being 'against the trend' and being fans of an overlooked bit of Doctor Who history. Doesn't quite realise that Scream of the Shalka was basically an B-tier Big Finish story with janky animation. Wants Richard E Grant to show up again. Constantly attempting to upset Eccleston and Hurt fans, only to get angry when everyone forgets Scream of the Shalka existed. They definitely listen to Weezer.

Ten, no, another Nine (the Eccleston one):

The word "fantastic" is permanently superglued to their vocabulary, and yet it never gets old. Owns a leather jacket too. Wishes that the BBC hadn't been stupid and Eccleston had stayed on for another series, but doesn't hold it against Tennant. Knows the Daleks were at their best in S1. Really wants the Reapers to return, and was utterly distraught after Chibs kind of ruined 9's role in the wider arc by blowing up Gallifrey again. Major nostalgia for the 2000s with this one, and is slowly becoming a member of the Big Finish cult thanks to Eccleston's return. Understandably forgot Adam was a thing. Both loves and hates John Barrowman.

Ten? Eleven? Ten and a half? The Tennant one. I hate numbers:

Their first experience to Doctor Who was during the golden age- wait, no, sorry, the RTD cult has threatened to terminate my membership if I'm not honest with this one.

Either a child of the 2000s, a member of the aforementioned RTD cult or someone who just likes the show to be more emotionally resonant. Well, that or they are the blandest person alive. If they acknowledge how good 10's arc was in terms of deconstructing the Doctor and setting up his fall from grace via misplaced attachments and vanity, then absolutely someone to be around. If they simply say "because he was popular", definitely bland. We all know Tennant was popular, it's still not one of the many valid reasons to love him. They have an easygoing relationship with 4 and 11 fans, and otherwise OK relations with the rest of Doctors fan groups, although there is a bit of friction between 13 stans due to 10 being dragged into a lot of 13's media post-2020 to boost ratings. They didn't like it because it cheapned 10's return and era whilst also overshadowing 13. 13 stans didn't like it because it basically gave the message that the BBC had given up on 13 before her era had finished.

Definitely excited for the 60th after the regeneration and the announcement of RTD's return. Has tried owning a pair of converses, only to find out that they aren't exactly cheap. Has fought for the Ten/Rose ship on multiple occasions. Tried hair gel once, with disastrous consequences.

Huh. This one was incredibly easy to write. All I had to do was look in a mirror.

Thirte- no, Eleven:

Major ADHD energy in the best possible way. Saw the chaotic excitable Doctor and immediately fell in love. They will not rest until they have forced every former Doctor to read the "Hello Stonehenge" speech. They have also cosplayed the most out of any fan, due to the availability of fezzes and bow ties. Definitely the most fun to be around at a party. Was disappointed by Matt Smith's decision not to return for the 60th, especially after the absolute banger that was Day of the Doctor. If they ship 11 with River, they're cool, even though 11 was very asexual in S5. If they ship him with anyone else, then yikes. Wishes for the show to return to a quirky fairytale tone again.

If they were present during the SuperWhoLock days, keep an eye on them. You're only one drink away from dragging us back to 2013, and I ain't reading any of that fanfiction again *shudders*.

Fourte- FUCK, Twelve:

A certified member of the Steven Moffat cult, or just someone who likes some of their stories to have a slightly more mature tone. Has tried to play the electric guitar more than once, only to be forced to stop by their partners or housemates. Either willing to admit some of the flaws of the era or strongly defends it, with no inbetween. Absolutely correct in their assertion that S9 and 10 absolutely slapped, although this cam be undermined if they try to defend Sleep No More. If they ship River and 12, then you can trust them with anything, and they will offer you good relationship advice. If they ship 12 and Clara in a romantic way (which is strange to me cos i always got platonic BFF vibes from them, but that's just me), they definitely have relationship advice, although waiting 4 billion years to get your memory wiped is a questionable means of resolving conflict. They have a pair of the sonic sunglasses. Cried when Capaldis majestic floofy hair got shaved off for a superhero film.

Thirteen? That's right? Phew, finally getting the hang of this. Ok, Thirteen:

There are two types of 13 fan. The first is cinnamoniest of rolls. Is just happy to sit back and have fun, thus allowing them to enjoy pretty much any episode (something that a lot of people could learn from). Immediately realised that Jodie is an amazing Doctor and deserves more praise and justice. Definitely shipped Thasmin, and are the best at constructive criticism, recognising what worked and didn't in a respectful, polite way (again, something we could all learn from). Wierdly enough, they get along well with all the Doctor fans, as they are a wholesome ray of sunshine that reminds us that every era has something to offer, no matter the general consensus.

The second type masquerades as the first, but gets all hipster-y and more than willing to use the term 'overrated' when RTD or Tennant are mentioned (so basically a healthy 80% of the #antiRTD tag).

Both are convinced that the Chibnall Era will receive a massive reappraisal like the 12th Doctor's era did, despite the odds of that happening being the same as an on-screen Thasmin kiss. I'm so sorry, that's a really mean line to end this bit on. Let's instead end by saying Haunting of Villa Diodati is an absolute banger of an episode.

Ruth:

Loves the admittedly cool concept of a mystery incarnation. The rest depends on their theory of where the Ruth Doctor fits in. If they use the season 6B theory, then they have an encyclopedic knowledge of the classical series and the EU regardless of whether they have watched it or not. If they use the Timeless Child/Division theory, then they basically settled for the easier version of 6B after looking into the insane asylum that is classic who and EU discourse (wise choice). If they think she's from an alternative universe, thinks that she's Omega, Rassilon, The Rani, The Master or any other figure, then they practically have a gold medal in Mental Gymnastics. Either way, all of them don't like to admit that they are unfortunately limited to 4 episodes (three of them being fairly mid, the other being a mild car crash) and a pretty good comic. Cool fashion taste. Gets along with 13 stans and, surprisingly, 2nd Doctor fans.

Fourteen- oh for fucks sake:

YOU ARE TENTH DOCTOR FANS. GO BACK TO EARLIER ON IN THE POST. YES, I KNOW THAT'S THE BBC'S OFFICIAL LINE AT THE MOMENT. YES, I KNOW YOU'RE HYPED FOR THE 60TH, I AM A HYPED RTD CULTIST TOO. JUST WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER. P L E A S E.

Fourt- no fifteen- no, fourteen- BBC, HAVE MERCY:

Only in the Doctor Who fandom can a Doctor who has only appeared in a brief clip and some photos have a fully developed fanbase. I should know, I've already joined it. Ncuti's photos in that suit sealed the deal. Either an RTD cultist or someone just looking forward to a fresh new direction. Also very fashionable. Has a somewhat complicated relationship with 13th Doctor fans due to the fact that Ncuti's first season and casting completely overshadowed S13 and the specials, but Ncuti also had to deal with the same levels of toxicity from the same 'fans' who threw temper tantrums at Jodie's casting in 2017. Best haircuts out of all the Doctor Who fans. Strange but true.

Full Fathom Five:

Y'all scare me.

Zagreus:

Y'all terrify me.

The Watcher:

Y'all confuse me.

The Valeyard:

Has wanted a darker series since god knows when. Was kind of annoyed when the Time Lord Victorious arc wasn't dedicated to a whole series. Also, the Valeyard is the Shadow the Hedgehog of the Whoniverse. I refuse to elaborate any further.

The Curator:

"Alright gang, let's see who the Curator fans really are!"

Pulls off mask

"Fourth Doctor fans?!"

All jokes aside, they just want a more experienced Doctor. Accepts that the show will have to end one day, and is cool with that, since they already have the perfect ending. Either cool grandad vibes or an actual grandad. Good knitwear. Their response to everything is simply putting the kettle on.

Doctor Moon:

Now these ones are very, very rare. I personally love the theory that Doctor Moon is a future version of the Doctor who is keeping River and the Library safe, but limiting your favourite Doctor to two episodes and an endorsement of the theory from Steven Moffat? Now that takes guts, and I like it. Usually partial to classy clothes, and talks in a very formal tone. Their best subject is usually maths.

Dr Who (Peter Cushing):

Unashamedly insane. Saw the absolutely glorious cheese-fest that was the 1960s Dalek movies and ended up loving one of the most unique versions of the Doctor. Is absolutely fine with bypassing 90% of the TV shows lore, making them really fun to talk to. Time Lords? Nah. Sonic screwdriver? Nope. Their Doctor is a wacky grandpa who built a multi-dimensional time machine in their back garden, and they love it. Is a sucker for Alternate Universe stories and usually loves classic B-movies. Knows that the movies kind of suck as adaptations, but as pure 1960s camp, they are unbeatable. Absolute legends.

All of Them:

The glue that holds this fanbase together. Enlightened individuals who have to check in every now and then to make sure that we mere mortals are behaving ourselves. They just simply enjoy the show and hold no biases. Absolutely infuriating to talk to for that very reason.

[worrywrite]

The problem isn't that the shooter missed. It isn't even (though it is troubling) that the secret service killed the shooter on sight so no one will ever truly know what happened.

The problem is that if the shooter had killed his target it would have worked and no one is going to see that. If Trump had died on stage, he wouldn't have been a martyr. Not really. The Republican party would have collapsed. They don't have another candidate. They don't have another unifier. They don't even have a unanimous voice on pretty much any policy. They're a fan club. His voters are a fan club.

And the odds someone is going to actually take a shot at Trump again have just gone up. And shooting a candidate, even just shooting at a candidate, is always a bad idea. Because if you miss you make them more powerful. And if you hit...

Despite the fact that the Republican party sucks, and that I personally don't want any of them in office and most people feel the same, it can't just collapse outright. I don't want it to collapse outright. That's bad. Infighting in the Republican party means people will try and be the next Trump, that means they're gonna try to go above and beyond the benchmark. They won't actually unify anyone, because they can't. It just won't work because it already doesn't, people are just in the fascist fanclub of one guy not a real political party. But in the process of trying to be that guy, republican politicians are gonna put a lot of people at risk and do a lot of harm and sow a lot of chaos.

[dozyrogue]

Next session is just gonna be chaos

Their working for the devil unintentionally

gwen is always getting beat the fuck up let them get up dude.

Slovie is gonna have sooooo many issues with the team

Stripe is good but they tried to just give away panic

Panic is also good but uuummm you know not this timelines panic

AND FUCKING PIERRE IS GONE DUDE.

I hope we have a lot of infighting to be honest.

[greyborn2]

Ok just because brain is buzzing - some more info regarding the Locked Tomb campaign I was gonna run that I posted the sheets for over hereee: https://www.tumblr.com/greyborn2/718444295287390208/custom-character-sheet-thingy-i-made-for-a-locked All the stuff under the cut because it be LONGGGG

-Was gonna be set in the 91st century of the first myriad. So during Nonius' time. Had planned for him to make a small cameo at some point. -Basic setup for it was that the Emperor and his Lyctors had 'gone silent' for a hundred to two hundred years. A blink of time for them (and besides, they were busy fighting resurrection beasts and dealing with losing a few of them) but enough time for things to slowly start descending into a shitshow in Dominicus. The houses wernt at open war, but tensions were super high and basically it was a case of nearly every house or powerful adept making a play for declaring themselves the stewards of Dominicus in the Emperor's absence. Political intrigue, infighting, a war of polite words, intrigue and assassinations. Big regency drama vibes. -Player characters were the Crown Princess of Ida, played by the player who had never read locked tomb but INSTANTLY grok'd third house when I described them and, with no input from me, straight up made a hellish combo of Corona and Ianthe; The Mistress Templara of the Eighth House; The lady of the Fifth house; aaaaaand a traumatized sixteen year old war veteran from the Fourth who went to war and got his leg blown off and narrowly escaped with his life. -Eventual plan was that at some point near the end G1dion would show back up to see Dominicus like that 'everything on fire and chaos' gif from Community. Like full on "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THE EMPEROR UNDYING LEAVES YOU ALONE FOR TWO CENTURIES AND THIS HAPPENS?!?!" and at some point he and Nonius would fight (and fuck. Lets be honest) in the background. Probably just an event the players would hear about in passing but a lil' nod to the fact that Nonius and G1dion crossed blades. -Mechanically a lot of the system was a stripped back version of v5 WoD/Storyteller system with a bigger focus on narrative > strict mechanics because I just prefer systems to work like that. Less strict "Ah yes, I have this specific power" and more... flexible magic within the three disciplines of necromancy and the three-tier system I wrote within each one. Hard to quickly summarize but ye. -As mentioned in other post, was gonna make a map of Dominicus for it! If you've seen the maps of the Sol system for 40k where they are all sorta gothic and fantasy-y despite being star maps was gonna go for that vibe. Might come back to it at some point as an art project. -Ended up making the executive decision that '''powder''' as an off hand is a single shot duelling pistol. Big regency vibes, again. -Was playing around with the idea of making the Eighth player's cav into the BBEG. TL;DR is that she (Gris Ochtu, the Cav) had previously been cav to another necro. At some point her and her old necromancer had gotten into a life or death situation, her necromancer tried to syphon her to death, and Gris found a way of basically 'grabbing on' to the syphon tether, pulled her necromancer down to the river in a bout of panic and flight/fight and drowned her necromancer to death in said River. The whole event left her with a talent for basically shrugging off necromantic theorems directly cast against her, unraveling theorems that got close to her, and 'swallowing' up other peoples souls (or, well, it was gonna be a power she unlocked later in campaign as she became more of a threat and revealed herself as the traitor), casting them into the River, and then letting revenants take over their bodies. Anyways, she was reassigned after giving a false report that her necro had 'died trying to save her' and was biding her time/playing along before at some point she'd fucking crack and go Wake against the Empire while all the political stuff was also happening. Add a threat beyond politicking. Was an idea I was -toying- with, anyways. Also she was a silver haired milf with hardcore battle scarring because, well, ofcourse.

[xaeyrnofnbe]

gonna be watching wwdits s5 episode 3 later tonight with my family but in the meantime i am dodging spoilers and thinking very hard about the characters playing Dungeons & Dragons so i’m gonna tell you my thoughts on that. i also welcome additional ideas and suggestions.

guillermo is the dm. he introduced the idea to the vampires, and is using it as a way to keep them out of trouble/distracted for whatever reason. he realizes the enormity of his mistake very quickly, as everyone gets very into it.

i do not have ideas for what races they would pick (for the most part,) but i do have ideas for classes. that’s what i’ll be getting into here.

nadja is a wild magic sorcerer. she’s also the second least familiar with the game and keeps asking if the enemies are dead after she hits them. she also keeps trying to bribe/threaten guillermo into making the game go more her way. she kills a lot of people

laszlo is a bard. obviously. you know what kind of bard he plays. and he gets VERY into the game and grasps the rules very well. he does feed into nadja and nandor’s rulebreaking antics when coerced, though.

nandor plays the game very similarly to nadja and also keeps killing people. he keeps asking if he’s winning. i’m the least sure about what class he’d play because i can’t shake the idea that he has paladin vibes even though that clearly makes no sense. so he’s a fighter until a better idea comes along. also he understands the rules the least.

the guide is present, she’s having the time of her life. or, unlife, i guess. she’s a druid, and she has no idea what’s happening, really, but she’s just happy to be there. having so much fun. a blast.

colin robinson is the rules lawyer, he makes it very frustrating for everyone at first, but eventually he also gets very into it and has just as much fun as the rest of the vampires while playing, specifically, a sexy orc. don’t ask me why. it came to me like a vision. his character is a rogue. he does a lot to stir up infighting and to torment guillermo.

i wanna say doll nadja is there as well but i haven’t given her too much thought yet. she also seems like a druid so idk. i guess a balanced party isn’t required. sure. there 2 druids. she plays her druid very differently from the guide, though.

it’s sheer chaos, they play all night and well into the day, guillermo all but forgets what he was trying to distract them all from, but they do somehow manage to have a fun and successful adventure. no idea where in the show this would take place. sometime around season 3, maybe? not sure.

again, suggestions welcome. hell, if you think i’m super wrong about something, tell me how things should be. i’m a big fan of collaborative creativity.

[captainkurosolaire]

Prompt #21 ~ The Sol Problem

Continuation: Prompt 18 ~ Black Spots - Reference - ♫All Eyes♫

In the confines of the mess halls aboard a voting was being committed whether or not to allow their current Shipwright stay aboard, many had squabbles and complaint's to issue out. In his short occupancy. While other's like the chaotic nature the ex-conscripted Garlean alongside more avidly importantly, Captain fellow matey from every generation of his Crew even originally. They were squabbling in bunches. Rowdiness gave the atmospheric energy Captain found homebody welcoming. Residing with a thud to demand attention on the table, "Alright mates, let's hear why, o' why, ye either want Sol t' stay or nay off." Of course the First Crewmate held his own gripes, "No offense Captain, but you're a handful enough in regard's to your feckless lifestyle. I didn't think incompetency could be ten in magnitude, but the Shipwright you assigned, is a ludicrous fool. His ship repair's were given a solution of a hammer and nails, alongside tape... We could literally get anyone else on the streets to do the same job." In the defense, Captain quipped, "But it b' free. Besides, his schematics and blueprint's fer the ship, alongside manufacturing all yer room's will b' worth it. Got t' get him motivated into his mad genius side. Some ov' us are creature's that only move once inspired." The Quartermaster came next, "Yeah, I don't know about that, him inventing bomb's aboard if it wasn't for me, handling that... Could've surface more reported problems or casualties but he's done better than anyone else in building my sock collection." There was a point there Captain couldn't refute, "Does keep us on our toes though mates. It can't be worse than the serial killer I had aboard last time, at least we got a positioned Therapist now. Also isn't as worse than the battle's with some Tribal Chieftain and Voidsent on our own base's lawn, every morning." This didn't help the case when comparing his array of former personalities. The Sniper lifted her arm up with an actual defense, "I think he's unique. Although, is pretty high of himself. I mean what's with that painting on his door." She gave mention to an artistic painting of man into creation, but was specifically him as both reaching out two-revolver's and shooting himself with unmatched ego. Like shattering a mirror's reflection.

A sea-wolf maiden gave her own risen announcement with a perspective of control and nothing ever really personal. "If I might inquiry, why Captain did you choose him aboard?" The Scoundrel showered a cheeky expression back. "I ain't n' disagreement with any of ye. His background alongside chaotic nature, alongside greed, is all a random roll roulette ov' fates. Though look at what has been achieved. Has gotten ye to unify and think. You see literally no squabble's cause you're pondering him. We're wild and diversified, but under this sail, is different from anywhere else. This is more than what the land dwells under. This isn't about something naive like backgrounds, or where we came or look or some insignia instantly mean's they're poor taste. We look around in this room and ye all r' outcasts beyond conceptions. Role's are assigned, the ship sink's simply as if one of us under-performs, I know, n' dire straits, he's dependable. Sometimes we need festiveness among each-other and remind us fun t' enjoy th' breeze or sceneries', some of ye represent humanity, some of ye are bred monstrous. We're paddling and hoisting together. We're wind's of this flag-vessel. Can't make our destination otherwise." Where a lot of opinion's were under the opposition of nay. The Crew distinctively reflected further and placed themselves under empathy. Actual form of thoughts. Some were unwavering in changing others had some resistance but they had no qualms to allow to be final. They'd respect the vote whatever it came too. Captain was only to hear and his vote didn't register since he allowed them to choose as they added to a ballet box. As began tallying them up into piles, listing them off. "Ten t' Two, he stays, fortune b' his fer now." Captain was conditioned in giving training exercise's and allowing mate's to vocalize. Already decisively structuring himself better than his past. Sol and Captain even bickered between as brethren of skulls. The crest and pact with the Founding Captain had ingrained them into a loyalty that had proved itself. Envy was poisonous, Captain had little depth of understanding just how much, Sol fostered in storage for his own leader. The veteran Seeker saw an opportunity in this to devise another means of exercising them in the future. Alongside this gave motivation to issue squad-missions into shifting seasons of four paired to get them accustomed. Door’s broke open from their hinges from barely conditioned bolts as a Silver-Disaster, Sol, the unwiser to the whole vote, came in, “I’m so talented! Look everyone I invented, a second me!” He recently took the dysfunctional cybernetic assassin and disassembled it into his own creativeness. The entire Crew grumbled with unity, “Can we get a re-vote?”

[dirtytransmasc]

@butchpedia

I want to respond to this, because I think it's important.

before we even begin, my post was not just about what happened on AO3, it was the straw that made the camel say something, so to speak. I wasn't targeting no one, I was making a general announcement to the Steddie fandom.

now, I have recently found out my wording was wrong, it wasn't AO3 themselves, it was a moderator. that was my mistake, but it still stands for something.

secondly, this was not blown out of proportion, please consider we are handling an archive here, filling it with empty fics destroys the purpose of an archive. there were quite a few, some blatantly stating they were placeholder fics for the purpose of raising Steddie numbers. these fics were being made by people who were not only sure of what they were doing but they were promoting the behavior within the fics and even online. there were multiple accounts dedicated counting down the number of fics, with other accounts flocking around them to celebrate rising numbers. so yes, some docs had been made by kids who didn't know the right form wrong in this situation, but most of them were made consciously with the intent to do harm.

there were children doing this, but here's the thing, we are watching s fandom be torn apart, and fuck me for not wanting it to become nuclear war zone in the next couple months. children, especially from behind a faceless screen, can cause damage to any space, but very easily to a fandom space. they don't get off scot free for being kids. not everyone has the patience for dealing with children, and I know that in the keg gang fandom all we've done in response was make general untargeted posts. so I don't know who's doing the bullying but it wasn't us.

dealing with this now, while its small, is so important, cause this is how the downfall of a fandom that starts. people having no respect for the people around them, abandoning any form of fandom/Tumblr/AO3 etiquette, and creating spaces with so much infighting that it gets abandoned by people who may have enjoyed the space had it not be made of chaos, that's when a problem begins to fester. we have enough problems with the regular fanbase leaking into fandom and then being assholes to everyone. mitigating damage is the best thing we can do right now.

I don't think the Steddie fandom and the keg gang fandom need to see eye to eye, but we need to come to some sort of resolution. Because our archive is getting fucked up over numbers, a reign needs to be pulled on the Steddie side cause from what I've seen y'all are gonna burn out with all the infighting and slander. I mean Steddie Shippers are actively seek out anyone from the keg gang fandom and leaving slander in their replies/asks/reposts completely unprovoked. they go out of their way for this shit. do you not see the issue with that.

any good fandom has a foundation of respect and some structure of etiquette. no one has to like each other, they don't even have to pretend to like each other, but they have to respect each other within the means of the etiquette, it's the job of the older and more mature of a fandom to uphold said etiquette.

fandoms are like ecosystems, they have to have balance. that balance is upheld by weeding out bad behavior (acting a fool in an archive, slander, doxxing, death/harm/r*pe threats, etc.). it's not pretty, but it has to be done or we're gonna end up like every dead fandom.

that's why I made that post, and I was angry when I made it, but pretty rightfully so. for the last couple years I (and many others) have been bullied, harassed, and subject to blatantly incorrect assumptions because I like and enjoy a certain character (Billy) and the characters/ships he's associated with. this is just another round, and sorry I don't have a lot of sympathy or patience, cause we've been pretty quiet and resilient for years. we've (as a sub fandom) just rolled with the punches, taken what people said about us, and just moved on. but it gets pretty fucking tiring, and this is a lot of our breaking points. breaking point being a very loose term for the situation cause none of us really broke, we've just decided to say no more, we didn't snap and we aren't waging war.

but we ask for it to stop and it's met with slander, we stand up for ourselves, we're called bullies and met with more slander. do see how that can get pretty tiring, do you see why people are making posts telling Steddie Shippers to get their shit together?

we just want people to act maturely, to not act like children over fictional characters, and for the respective fandoms to manage the actual children in their spaces, because children have to act accordingly in fandom. it's always been this way and we've seen what happens over and over again when etiquette is ditched.

we don't want a war, actually we're against a war that is actively being thrust upon us against our will. we don't want to participate, but when we speak out against it, we're seen as assholes bullying children. we're frustrated and have been doing our best.

I'll even say, I'm a lot more stressed out then some of my mutuals or other fandom members, so take what I say as an individual with a grain of salt, but getting stress out and defending myself and my space is what I'm good at, so I'm not going to shut up. cause I want to be able to stay in this fandom, I love it here, I just want it to survive to see season 5.

signed sincerely - a frustrated, but calm keg gang fan who just wants people to chill out and coexist, but just saying that makes people mad, cause apparently my existence angers people.

[growup-thatbeautiful]

Cooler; Bucky Barnes x Reader

New Girl Inspired for @madjazzhatter

“I’m telling you, Buck, I’m not your cooler. Sure, a few times I might’ve been the reason you didn’t get some that once or twice, but 99% of the time it’s your own damn fault, Barnes.” It’s all true. He’s proving her point just by being himself right now, making one of those over the top faces he has and adjusting the collar of his coat. It’s not even his coat, she reminds herself.

“You’re both right, actually. Y/n, you have, on occasion, proven to be a terrible wingwoman. Purely awful. Bucky, you too have the tendency to, uh, discourage people from talking to you. I mean, you’re always frowning. You have a great smile, man, learn how to use it.” Bucky reaches across the sink and hits Steve upside the back of his head.

“Come on guys, we had a good vibe going. Let’s not have any infighting before tonight. Bucky, are you absolutely positive that that’s what you want to wear?” All three of them are standing in from of the bathroom mirrors, presumably making themselves look better to go to the bar at 5:30 in the afternoon, which is actually not that early for them.

“This coat makes me feel sexy.” Bucky does an awkward spin move, throwing up finger guns at himself in the mirror. Y/n rolls her eyes dramatically, patting Sam and Steve on the back before walking towards the door.

“Yeah, nothing says I’m a creep like a man in a women's trenchcoat,” add Sam. Y/n leans against the frame of the door, watching her boys make fools of fixing themselves in the mirror.

“So, just to be clear, you’re saying I can’t come tonight, right?”

They look at each other and shake their heads. “That’s fine, I have a lot of…things I need to do today anyway. You know, spoons to clean, yarn to yarn.”

“Gotta get that yarn yarned,” says Sam, practicing his facial expressions in the mirror and holding a thumbs up in the direction of y/n.

“See? You’re going to have a much better time here than you would have at the stinky old bar! We’re doing you a favor.” Bucky pats y/n on the head, earning himself a confused look.

She turns away from them, exiting the room just in time to hear Steve say, “You still work at that bar, Buck.”

They’re home within five minutes, and y/n is left to her own devices. There are times when she wishes that she had more nights like this, alone and able to do what she wants. Right now is not one of those times. It’s not that she doesn’t have things she can do, there just aren’t any things that she wants to do.

After fucking around for a little while, a noise at the door startles her. Her mind immediately goes to danger, causing her to call Peggy, even though she’s on a date, and Bucky, even though she was told that she was usually the downfall of his fun nights.

For some reason, Bucky answers his phone, but he sounds pissed about it. “Buck, you need to come home, there’s something at the door.”

“There’s nothing at the door, y/n. You know it’s an old building, maybe it has something to do with the pipes. You wouldn’t be worried if you listened to pipe talk during our loft meetings.”

“Those are boring. I’m surprised you listen to those talks.”

“They make me feel more like a man.” He pauses before continuing,”You know you’re being a cooler right now, right? Do you see it now?”

Yes, she thinks. She definitely see’s it now. “Just come home.”

Bucky, Steve, Sam, and two girls that are along for the ride arrive at the apartment. They find y/n curled up on the couch with their baseball bat, and she almost hits Steve when he comes into the room.

“So, this is our roommate y/n,” introduces Bucky. “And this is the place. Bathroom is down that hall… and so is basically everything else. Y/n, could you help me find some, uh, bottlecaps in the your room.”

“Sure, what kind? I have twist offs and the pop kind.”

“You know I’m not actually here about bottlecaps- actually it doesn’t matter. Listen to me. That girl out there, for some reason, is sexually attracted to sad men. You understand now fantastic that is for me.”

“Yeah, wow, that’s a goldmine. Now I feel partially responsible for your sex tonight, so I have an idea.” Bucky and I call everyone to meet in front of the couches, a cooler of beer beside us.

“The game is true american, but with a sexy new twist. Clinton rules! Everyone pick your interns and remember-“

The loft mates join in at this part, “The floor is lava!”

“Wait, this doesn’t make any sense. What are the rules? How do you play this?” The girl that Bucky brought asks.

“It’s easy. The floor is lava, doves versus hawks, the couch is the Mason-Dixon Line, no cabinets,” explains Steve helpfully, choosing the blonde, Carrie, as his partner.

“This doesn’t make any sense.” Vanya, the girl that Sam brought, is sitting on the table and drinking, definitely not playing, but Sam seems happy talking to her.

The game goes as smoothly as a game with no rules can go. The loft is a mess, and most of us are missing various articles of clothes, which is a good sign for Bucky. Y/n, Steve, Carrie, and Y/n are all sitting at the table, different levels of intoxicated, trying to figure out who has to go behind the hallway door and kiss, a Y/n original idea that she’s positive will fix her spot as not a cooler. On the count of three they all put up numbers on their foreheads, chaos enduring between Steve and Bucky, both telling Carrie different numbers.

In all the confusion, on three, Y/n and Bucky end up with the same number, meaning that they have to kiss.

“Shit,” swears Bucky.

Y/n and Bucky look at each other, and say again, “Shit.”

“No, come on guys, let us out of here. This isn’t what I meant when I said kiss, I obviously meant, uh, a metaphorical poetic kiss. Don’t leave me back here with him!”

“Well,” says y/n, leaning back against the wall, sliding down to the floor next to Bucky, with his head in his hands. “I guess we should do this, then. They aren’t going to let him out of here anytime soon.”

“Yep. Let me just-“ Y/n stands up, while Bucky stays on the ground, crouching.

“What are you doing? I’m up here.”

“I thought we were staying on the ground.”

“Fine. Let’s get this over with. Pucker up, Mr. Buck.” As soon as it’s out of her mouth, y/n grimaces, regretting a lot of things.

“Come on, don’t do that. You’re making it weirder than it already was.”

“Yeah, I regretted it immediately. I think this does prove that I’m your cooler.”

“Yeah, you think? It’s okay, Steve’s just gonna tell her about his heartbroken Peggy-struck heart. This might be the only time that he wants to be sadder than me.” They spend a few minutes arguing back and forth about various unimportant details, like if they’re going to stand or sit, where they’re going to put their hands, and if Bucky should be so nervous about this. At some point in time Bruce, y/n’s boyfriend, came along and decided to join the rest of them outside.

Finally, after the constant chanting of “kiss kiss kiss kiss” from the hallway to get to her, y/n says, “Come on, Buck, just be a man and kiss me!”

“No! Not like this.” His eyes go wide when he realizes what he just said, and he starts shaking his head before I even get my question out.

“What do you mean, not like this?” Bucky doesn’t give an answer, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. He starts gesturing around wildly, trying to find something to say.

“No, I didn’t- it’s just not, like, you know- not like that.”

“Yeah, I’m out.” Before y/n can get another word in, Bucky is climbing out of the window. Without thinking, y/n yells at them to open the door, which they do. Steve and Sam are freaking out over Bucky, asking him all these questions, and Bruce is busy laughing about how Bucky would rather climb out of a window than kiss her. Luckily, Peggy is still thereto try and help her understand what’s happening.

Things dial down after that. Steve and Sam give Bucky a firm talking to and a night to think of over, and y/n goes to sleep alongside Bruce. She’s awoken in the middle of the night gm the same scratching that she heard earlier, so she goes to investigate.

Bucky must’ve heard it too, because he’s right there beside her with the baseball bat. Apparently their new neighbor has a dog that’s been causing all of the problems. It’s also the place where Bucky’s coat was supposed to go. As far as their neighbors go, it’s not the worst interaction they’ve had. This one only thinks they wear other people’s clothes and carry around bats.

“So, I guess you didn’t need to come over. Sorry I ruined your night.” They walk back to the hallway together, arms brushing against each other.

“Nah, it was probably for the best. French coat Bucky had a lot of unearned confidence, lot of random dance moves.”

They stand facing each other, y/n looking up into Bucky’s eyes. “Goodnight Buck.”

“Night, Y/n.” Bucky leans in, encouraged by y/n leaning in too. They’re lips touch, the kiss passionate and all at once. Bucky’s hands are in her hair, and as soon as they break appear she misses the touch.

“I meant a little something like that.”

This was so much fun to write! I love to concept of a new girl based au, feel free to send more of this or any other requests.

[larrythefloridaman]

Finally picked this up again! episodes #Reboot and CPUK11 notes under the cut! Considered doing more eps for this batch of notes but decided to make a new post as we hit the end of each new arc for the sake of breaking these posts up into bites thatre a Liddle shorter, lol. enjoy

CPUK Reboot! Ryan says outright they're gonna ignore some stuff going forward for the sake of clarity, like for example mario from super mario's weirdnesses. They launch into an explanation of the whole crimson debacle, describing BOTH hamburger Helper summoning the crimson initially AND the Crimson killing the Grunk as having been accidental, which tracks a bit with crimson's comments about the whole grunk thing being 'messy,' and later established fact that what he was trying to do was corrupt him, and resisting being made into something he wasn't is what killed him. Whole lot of fuckin. Life-Changing Whoopsie Doodles going on in here. just an absolute tragedy of errors. Crimson later, in CPUK Orange: "but he got better! you can't stay mad at me forever right?" sorry crimson i know you've probably already accepted this by now. but they are going to.

Following Ryan leaving cpu kerfuffle for a bit after the fucking bummer PR Nightmare that was the grunk and jay dying, everyone just went fucking hogwild attempting to claim championship for themselves as in the absence of the competition, noone had been officially declared the new champion, and therefore it was considered up for grabs and the contestants descended into chaos and infighting, banding together into factions to try and take championship on behalf of their team. need to know more about this era. CPUK11 describes it as Mad Max-ish. It sounds hilarious. Iggy 'tamed' the Crimson, sacrificing his godpower to do so in what we later learn was the result of a multifaceted deal with Cobalt to keep Crimson Alive, but no longer interfering with the normal function of the tournament itself, while also paying off Iggy's debt to Cobalt for bringing back Home as part of the timeloop. Chat Member: "hot take: cpu kerfuffle has more complicated lore than homestuck" Ryan: "not yet, give it time." smiles

Ryan: "The crimson right now is like- pretty chill, it wont be contagious, it wont be killing anybody- i like that I like it not killing anybody-" aside from the obviously bad still possessing val thing he's just been. fucking vibing? i guess? Compliant with Cobalt and Iggy's terms. It is interesting in retrospect how thoroughly crimson was discussed like a Thing and not a Person early on despite definitely being played as having personality and human level intelligence even then. Just a lot… quieter. 

Ryan: "But Iggy's decided: okay you guys made factions? We're going to do the tournament all the same, except now everyone's gonna be fighting on and representing their own teams."

Team Crimson original description: "the team for anyone with loyalty to the crimson, or just really likes the color red. All of them are quite passionate for whatever it is that they love, whether it be the abomination that is their namesake or their more personal passions, but the one rule is you Gotta be wearing the color red."

Cash money is about making cash money, OR brand loyalty/cultivation. very little has changed beyond the eventual outright banning of rich people to center more specifically on small businesses, individuals furthering their careers and freelancer types.

"Team Clutch's sole purpose is to produce the greatest fighters ever to live, and they will train hard and win this tournament to prove it." lol. lmao even (affectionate)

Team Cones has seen that cpu kerfuffle is ALL about the chaos, and they're leaning into it baby, lets go!!

"After the Crimson was tamed by Iggy. Unfortunately, even as the Crimson was tamed, Captain Crimson stayed within the Crimson's clutches, he was the one thing it managed to hold onto tightly. Captain Crimson used to be known as Captain Valentine, is essentially the sort of- emissary of the Crimson, the leader of the Crimson, and the one who formed Team Crimson. Right now he's- just kind of a crimson boy- a lot of people are speculating that Valentine might still be in there but if we see him again it might not be this time-" 😔

"The other member of team crimson- Dantoinette! Dantoinette originally came here as a player of Tekken and Soul Calibur, 3d fighters, and came here like 'i kick ass at those games, this is gonna be Nothing' and they showed their stuff-" ryan keeps they/them-ing random fighters. he keeps doing it and it's awesome

"-however, throughout all the madness that came, the whole outbreak, the hiatus, Dantoinette actually didn't choose a team at first- but Captain Crimson was like 'hey, you wear red, you've got this passion for these games, want to join my side?' And Dantoinette decided 'yeah, lets do it.' So thats Dantoinette." Crimson. I reiterate that her first reaction to meeting you was attempting to kill you. Boy-

ICEE remains just a guy in a bear suit that likes him some fuckin ICEE baby! Or actually a bear. Ryan says the jury's still out on that part. At this point im willing to say ICEE just IS a bear suit. Like a sentient mascot costume i mean. Take the head off and theres just nothing in there. Yung Papaya made a few singles that got charted during the hiatus, so he's making that Money, and him and ICEE started team cash money as a joint thing.

Team Clutch formed by Sword Goku with the goal of creating a team where people can work to become the best version of themselves, they can be the champions they know they can be. And part of Team Clutch at this point is the former champ, the king himself, Big Yopper, the first champ before it was even called CPU Kerfuffle. He and Sword Goku spent the whole break training.

"Team Cones wasnt really founded by anyone it just sort of- appeared from the aether. We have Hamburger, the original reigning champion, a winner at the top of his game for many years- originally he was just sorta- doing his own bullshit, he was actually married to someone else who we'll talk about in a second- got divorced after the whole Crimson thing, and after the whole Crimson thing was all said and done, he decided y'know what? I'm breaking away from all that. He defected from the Crimson and joined team cones because he's all about that chaos." Defected is an interesting word choice here because it implies despite Crimson's whole thing being physically controlling you that he just Did That. Between this and Chessmaster (both of whom were explicitly willingly possessed for the sake of a power boost) it feels like. Maybe there could be some kind of Personal Revelation type condition to meet to free yourself from Crimson? Considering the fact he's a god of treachery who possesses your body to do evil, a bad influence personified that tempts you toward destructive coping mechanisms with varying degrees of intentionality and malice, a correlation between choosing to earnestly change yourself for the better and being able to throw off his hold on you seems pretty Thematically Appropriate, although it does make Dantoinette literally axeing the evil out of people even funnier. Dantoinette voice: i dont need therapy and neither do you. what you need is an asskicking to get some sense knocked into you and i can deliver one. express shipping DIRECTLY to hell

"And joining him on that team is his own ex-husband of all people, Dadondorf! Unfortunately they did have a bit of a divorce- crimson took over him, he was being a bit of a dick, and dadondorf is not… with him right now he's just joining the team with him, helping build the team, he's like, 'no funny business, strictly professional relationship we have as we rule over Team Cones'." i think dad's lying a little bit i think mamma mia by abba is on repeat in dadondorf's brain at this point and he was being very brave about it /j

ICEE's bird is named Cherry <3

ICEE and Big Yopper are good friends that hang out often and apparently sometimes they stream together? ICEE's friends are like 10 or 50+ with very little in between with the exception of like, spriteman. who's like. I think he's in the same early to mid twenties age range as j0hn and larry? but thats an assumption based largely on 'it feels right.' 

Jimbo plays both persona and minecraft. This is the only fresh information i can glean from Cap'n Crim vs. Dadondorf its nearly all unremarkable match commentary and that's a little funny to me. Later though its suggested Dadondorf performs poorly in this fight because 1) hes feeling like a washed up old man and then later 2) fighting captain crimson just sort of Inherently threw him off and put him on the defensive

Yung Papaya calls for a ban on New Donk, claiming it gives an unfair advantage to team cones because they revel in the chaos of a stage with walk offs that moves that much. Hamhel sets a challenge that if YP can win their set then sure, he'll agree to a ban. If Hamburger helper wins the set, he gets to ADD a stage to the legal stage list. Ryan: "I don't know why Hamburger Helper is in charge of this but Iggy approves." He legalizes fucking Hanenbow. We have hamhel to thank for the fuckleaf <3

Dani V. Swoku rematch! Ryan: "these guys are almost opposites, I'd say- Dani being like this lone wolf who's only a part of team crimson because of the passion for another game while Sword Goku's a guy who wants everyone to be the best they can be out of a love for this game. Dantoinette's the one who puts salt in all the chats, Sword Goku's the one that fires it up." Dani ruins his life as per the usual. Dani closes out the match with trash talk, but Sword Goku 'isn't really phased by stuff like that.' Gestures at 20's 1-0 good goddamn, goku im sorry,

Capn Crim vs. Big Yopper, yopper takes the first round bc crimson fucks up and falls for yops disruption tactics. lol. Ryan: "if I'm Captain Crimson right now, im taking- I'm taking a minute to destress, because this guy is absolutely in his head right now. So i think he's taking a breather to get his head in the game to make the same kind of big brain plays he made against dadondorf." Captain Crimson proceeds to counterpick to mario maker. Listen i know he helped found team crimson/calibur but lbr he's always belonged with cones this fucker just wants to make a goddamn mess more than anything. And i guess by like, technicality gestures at limbo that would be his team right now. Crimson gets 2-0'd <3

Hamhel vs. Dantoinette. Dantoinette says L+ratio+youre divorced and 2-0s him to death. It is very clear that without crimson behind the wheel as he was in 9 hamhel cannot challenge dani. They go stock for stock both rounds but Hamhel stagepicks deliberately to small stages where he has disadvantage. in a round where if he loses he has to fight his husband next. Hamburger proceeds to almost 3-stock Dadondorf, and Dadondorf, when asked to comment on this, makes the very suspicious comment of 'its all part of the plan.' This does not obviously appear to go anywhere.

Captain crimson fights a child (yung papaya) and sds less than 20 seconds into the match. Ryan: "at this point- id be packing my bags, taking a deep breath and trying to clear my head for the next round cuz it might be good just to take an L at this point-" despite this capn crim brings it back and wins the first match by (non-literally 🥁) getting into his opponents head like big yopper got into his. then nearly 3 stocks in the second match. Does so much off the wall shit this round. Chat: "this is my first cpu kerfuffle and i already think captain crimson is the most batshit person here" Ryan: "yeah, no, Crimson did really good when they took Captain Valentine." and Yung Papaya has made it his life goal to ban New Donk <3

Dantoinette has a loooooot of close calls in this ep, and she does Lose A Match to Big Yopper after Yopper pulls some Bullshit. Wins second round handily. Starts third round by angrily slamming axe straight into ground repeatedly instead of taking advantage of yopper being shieldbroken and vulnerable. She keeps forgetting about his crown and getting hit. 

1-800-AREYOUYOPPIN

Hamhel vs. Capn Crim. Ryan: "this is gonna be an interesting one- the one that's now gone against the Crimson-" (puts up hamhel) "-vs. The face of the crimson itself, since defeated." (Puts up captain crimson) "it's gonna be interesting to see which Number One Guy Of The Crimson wins out. I know right now this is kind of a personal grudge for hamburger helper, so we're gonna have to see how this ends up turning out. Although right now just in terms of like, team loyalty, Captain Crimson isn't worried too much- he's pretty confident in Dantoinette's skills to take it all."

I could watch hamhel fight captain falcons forever and never get bored this is being played like a bitter grudge match and he's still clearly having the time of his life. He dash dances on captain crimson twice. Regardless, capn crim juuuuust barely wins their round.

Captain crimson got fucking Yopped.

Dantoinette then yopped the yopper and took home the championship.

Best of 3 iggy v. dantoinette just for fun exhibition match to close out the night. A nerfed un-ryan-controlled Iggy is firmly on the list of gods Dani could kill if so desired

CPUK 11!!! Doubles, babie!!!

Jay didn't know how he died, and woke up in a coffin tanning bed 6 feet underground. Or why his skin is just a biiiiit red in places. Forgot crimson did it. 'Budget cremation'

Iggy has taken over for Ryan as the Tournament's owner as ryan's special boy and just kept the commentators on as commentators going forward and they are being paid for this

Home MD brought both Grunk and Jay back to life but 'he did still bury you (Jay) alive in a tanning bed before you woke up as a joke.' Larry-

Dantoinette looked at the multiple members of teams in the first tournament of this new direction and said 'no thats stupid. 8 teams, one representative of each.' and the rest of the teams got split off. Then she said 'but Also. this is gonna be doubles.' instead of making everyone play soul calibur like she initially set out to do

Team Crimson: Captain Crimson and Dantoinette. "Arent really big fans of the kerfuffle format- are here to shift it or take it down." 

Dani: "I'll show you what the real gamer. I'll show you what the real game is." so true queen.

Ryan: "Dani won last time and instead of making us all play soul calibur, she split teams and Dani said, whichever two teams win, the final match will be between the two of them and the last man standing will be the champion. Because she's so confident she can kick Captain Crimson's ass. it's very funny." Comona: "From what I've seen, I don't doubt that either." Crimson she is very nearly openly declaring her intent to kick your ass why are you here, calling this shit a long con is so generous to Dani ya girl isnt even trying to lie!!

Team Cones! Hamhel defected from the crimson and brought someone new to the stage- and that's Larry. Jay: "oh my god, wait, is that Larry from the grocery store?" Ryan: "yeah, we met up with him at the grocery store- I think he looked like a dog, there? Remember that dog?" Vivid mental image of Larry (dog form) attempting to work a normal shift bagging people's groceries with paws

Ryan: "yeah, he's kind of a jerk, all about ruining your day and messing stuff up, but y'know, other than that he's just all about the chaos, yknow?" Comona: "yeah i remember the time i was at the self-checkout, and he was just like, a regular dude that day? And so I asked him for help- it was giving me trouble, did the weight thing wrong and it was telling me to get somebody to clear it for me and he just sort of stood there for 5 full minutes before he came over and cleared it for me, true agent of chaos, right there." The Abrasive Traumatized Experiment Man Is Dissociating Intensely In Public Spaces.

Team Cash Money! ICEE didn't want or need to get paid but he Does have a sponsorship. As said before Yung Papaya's tracks charted and he founded cash money looking for more of those fat stacks.

Team Clutch! "You wanna be the very best like no one ever was? Then you want to cheer for team clutch!" Goku with a sword, and MY MAN ALABASTER! Comona: "I mean, I assume the sword comes with a different personality-" Ryan, chipper: "oh Absolutely Not! If you wanted a different personality, then maybe ask T. Runks?" Comona: "Oh! Who is loosely related to G. runk?" Ryan: "THE G.Runk!"

Ryan: "Alabaster is a real CPU Kerfuffle Veteran." Jay, about Al: "I really respect how committed he is to this, I saw him at a local the other day, real top level competitor." Comona: "the best thing about being a good competitor that goes to your locals and really preaches that good mentality stuff is it just brings up everyone around you, it makes your whole scene better." Alabaster really is the Krillin of CPU Kerfuffle. Been here forever… A pretty good guy that's besties with Goku... Started out serious but played goofier with time… Significantly stronger than most average normal human beings of the setting from the sounds of it (bc CPU Kerfuffle is consistently characterized as the Top of the Bloodsports game, and even if Al always loses He Is Still Here, they imply Crimson had to Fight His Way To The Top with his pokemon team to get involved in his introductory ep,) but most well-known for getting owned repeatedly because he's constantly placed in competition with terrifying battle-freaks that aren't fucking normal... Befriended and partnered up with an android…

Team Chonk: do you like em big. Do you like em chunky. BIIIIIIIIIIG YOPPER. THE GRUUUUUUUUUUUUNK. The grunk dont funk but he do chunk. This is vital lore information

Team Charm. Yo anybody in chat gay. Rights and Fly Bi. Who once again is defined entirely by ryan having a crush on him thats the entire bit <3

Team Cross! Sora. but Blonde. And the one, the only, minecraft steve. They fucking hate eachother and its REALLY funny

Team Craken! Hoedown and her husband Patch <3 the red kraken is both real people and also, according to Jay, a bestselling novel about those real people in this universe

Jay: "I know you are a practitioner of the joke. I want to hear what your best joke is." Comona: "my best joke is 'I think Hamburger Helper and Larry are going to win this tournament.'" Jay laughs then "that wasn't funny." Comona: "what, you think they have a chance? In what universe does this fallen grand-champ and some guy from the grocery store have against Otherworldly Forces? And team cash money? ICEE AND YUNG PAPAYA?" Jay: "I'm just saying. Hamburger Helper can handle anybody in this bracket. I know hamburger better than anybody and i think he has what it takes to win. Maybe not all the time, maybe not even today, but sometimes Hamburger Helper has what it takes to win. And If Larry just puts in the effort… i could put my weight behind big yopper, but why wouldn't i want to root for the underdog?" Comona: "because the other team has Big Yopper and The Grunk on it, next question." Jay: "yknow what thats a good point im going with big yopper"

Ryan: "I believe in team clutch." 😔

Jay: "i would sell both of you out for the chance to shake Big Yopper's hand." Ryan: "understandable, big yopper is a legend amidst all this, he's considered the first champion and he's earned it."

Firmly believe Minecraft Steve has never returned because he's a shitty teammate and Blonde Sora kicked him out, he keeps attacking his captain, for NO reason,

Ryan: "theres a lot of discord- a lot of infighting between Dantoinette and Crimson- i mean, the whole reason Dantoinette set this up this way is because she wants a one on one fight against captain crimson in finals after they win it all together." That's IT!!!!!!!!! there is no ruse!!!!!!!! there was never a ruse!!!!!! she's just straight up saying it!!!!!! and Crimson is legit just letting this shit happen!!!!!!! the commentators are pretty literally just stating her intentions in character, the only part thats being left out is the exorcism. Dani could not possibly be more blatant like this is just………….. crimson…… ………. homie……………………… what are you thinking. What is happening in your little freak brain rn. Is it just a windows screensaver going on up there? fuck. Its suggested in passing later in the episode that he's just assuming this whole time, with increasing frustration, that her uncooperative behavior is just her being a gloryhound. Also Johannsen saying Dani's more of a fighter than a thinker in the nccts ringing real true being this Obvious about all this. 

A lot of argument over what kind of bird Fly Bi is with wildly differing options. Jay says he's a parrot. Ryan says hes a falcon. Jay then says 'wait is he a seagull.' Ryan says hes a good boy is what he is. Comona says 'i dont think hes a dog.' Ryan: "good boys aren't limited to dogs!!" Jay: "oh so hes a cat." Ryan: "yes. Hes a catboy. Glad thats settled."

Al and Swoku besties who fight at locals. Jay: "Every match you lose with Sword Goku he makes sure you leave with new information, you get better from losing to him." Ryan: "exactly, and thats why hes such a favorite among the fighters." Comona: "real recognizes real." Jay: "well, I'd say the three of us are the only real ones here." Ryan: "debatable." wow with exchanges like this it's honestly no wonder j0hn figured out there was a real person showrunner among the commentators so fast (referencing that line about 'so its ryan… it makes sense, hes the only one who's at every tournament…' from him in the nccts)

Team Charm struggles to fight individually because of a lack of regard for themselves and their own performance, too empathetic to be pragmatic, and Comona takes a nice moment to say Remember to Take Care Of Yourself, you can only help the people around you so much when you yourself are struggling, so if you can't do it for you, do it for them. Team Clutch work well on their own and support eachother well, but fail to capture or match the synergy of team charm or team crimson. Ryan: "I think they definitely need a little more unity, maybe kiss or something, who knows i'm not here to be a matchmaker." Jay: "I thought it was your tournament?" Ryan: "Iggy's tournament now. Iggy's the matchmaker." team clutch no stranger to kissing the homies goodnight

Craken V. Cones! Jay: "I feel like I've seen this matchup in my dreams." Ryan: "Dreams or nightmares?" Jay: "Definitely nightmares." Ryan: "how did it end in your nightmares?" Jay: "well it ended with hoedown turning into a starfish, so i don't really know-"

Ryan suggests Hamhel might be a bit washed, and potentially intending to pass the torch on to Larry. lol. lmao.

Squid Jenny's done some investigative journalism and has failed to track down the Florida Man for comment on rumors about the Shapeshifter, increasing the likelihood of their connection.

Hamhel catches patchmans key and the commentators lose track of it. Ryan: "I think Hamburger Helper ate the key!" Comona: "oh man do i have a story for you about eating keys later." Ryan: "IM SORRY?"

ICONIC bit: Jay: how do you Know RPS is a solved game? HamHel: "That Question Was So Stupid, I'm Gonna Kill Larry." 

Larry, after Hamhel keeps killing him says Okay, Fuck This, and challenges HamHel for Captainship of team Cones, revealing himself as Florida Man at the same time. Ryan: "bullets everywhere!" Comona: "You know its not hard to get a license for one of those in florida." Ryan: "absolutely not, no." Jay: "yeah, you know how it is." Ryan: "Miami days, baby!" Jay: "they need something to defend themselves against the alligators." Truly there is not one OUNCE of respect in how hamhel fights larry its very funny. Multiple pointless footstools. Drags him just far enough offstage his stand can't save him even after mashing out and he falls anyway, hamhel eating a lost stock just to fuck with him. Larry loses. Jay: "if Larry wants to be captain, he's gonna have to put in as much work into this as hamburger helper has, and that's a LOT of work."

Team cash money vs. Team clutch. Funny Punch Approacheth.

Yung Papaya has a condo in new donk city with a full window view of where it all started, which requires not just money but Connections! Potentially political ones! This is never elaborated on!

Funny Punch <3

Super mario 64 type music is basically always what's playing in ICEEs head. Just pure chipper video game elevator music

Deeply funny in retrospect that Alabaster claimed in his attempt to trash talk in CPUK Red that atleast his list of opponents hes lost to doesn't include a bear. when he has objectively also lost to Icee specifically and in fact managed to lose 4 stocks in a three stock game to him because swoku shared him one. He has Extremely Lost To A Bear. Its just that noone remembers it because Alabaster has lost to A Lot Of People. So noone cares to check! Funny how that works.

Team Cross vs. Team Chonk! Minecraft steve continues to be uncooperative and blora hates his ass so bad. Round one goes poorly for them. Jay, after team chonk Got Their Asses, talking about the Grunk taking out steve's last stock: "God. There's a timeline out there where we just witnessed our first fighter Death." Ryan: "well. second fighter death." Jay, who also died: "oh COME ON, he GOT BETTER!"

Team Charm vs Team Crimson. Jay: "i dont feel that either team is strong enough over the other team to be comfortable betting on this, im keeping my wallet closed." lmao. el oh el

Ryan: "team crimson has a- this weird sort of inverse synergy, their discord just works in their favor, I don't get how that works." Well you see ryan there's a concept you were perhaps forgetting at that point in time called kismesistude- /j

Of course right after i say this, the first obvious instance of Dani's intentional sabotage happens. rights gets shield broken, captain crim is about to finish out the kill with a nice disrespectful fully charged smash attack, and Dantoinette Gets Him with her lance, and the commentators start speculating with astonishment about her potential secret heroism. Jay: "I'm beginning to wonder- Captain Crimson, member of the Crimson- isnt really on a full team per se, are they? Crimson doesn't really have followers?" Ryan: "No, not really anymore after Iggy." 

Dani's record pays a bit for her sabotaging her partner in a lost set against team charm. Captain Crimson is reported to be… in a bit of a strange daze.

Captain Crimson, described as getting shaky and angry: "Listen, we need to talk-" he tries, but Dani just ignores him and starts the next fight. Jay: "she just… keeps attacking Captain Crimson." Ryan: "yeah its a bit fucked up."

Captain Crimson demands a grudge match. Valentine briefly flickers into control before Crimson quickly takes it back. And the fucked thing is Captain Crimson actually manages to win this fight, two stocks up, and i think thats the best a Falcon's technically ever done against Dani. Then they continue as partners into the final round. Crimson doesn't do anything because he won that grudge match, they just. move on. even though he's fully, clearly onto what's happening here now. I fully forgot this fight happened. but it sure is Interesting.

Team Craken vs. Charm is, lore and bitwise, uneventful, but kind of insane its a fun watch

Jay got sent to hell on accident for a few days of his Being Dead time. Front desk gave him the wrong room number, you know how it is.

Dantoinette is spotted off to the side, discussing something with Big Yopper and The Grunk, her team's next opponents. Squid Jenny isn't able to catch whats actually said.

Team Cash vs. Team Cross. Green greens. Three SDs in the beginning of the first match, none of which being Icee. YP rage quit, losing all his stocks stupidly, then took a share stock, and then icee immediately lost his last stock. Its just a truly stupid match in the best way. Ryan: "and for the second time we have Yung Papaya demanding the banning of a stage, he lost the first time, we're not gonna field it again." Icee reassures YP that they'll get 'em next round.

Team Crimson vs. Team Chonk. Comona: "I know we're expecting possibly some collusion here but you know what I think? I think she was just over there trashtalking, like 'I don't care if this guy gets in my way at all, i don't care if he tells you to be careful of dantoinette, you BETTER be careful of me, because I can wreck your shit all by myself.' And everybody knows that she can." Ryan: "absolutely." explaining that shes treating this match like shes 1v3ing to an old man she keeps bullying and the guy her partner Literally Got Killed and telling them if he tells you to be careful, to treat her like a ticking fucking time bomb right now hes right you fucking better if you know what's good for you. like. GIRL? Also love the idea that crimson's warned people about her having one of her Moments enough times that its something she's getting passive aggressive about here. 'i dont care if he tells you to be careful of me because yknow what hes right you SHOULD be' lmao. sure sounds like you care. just a little perhaps.

Alfred joins call just to roast Big Yopper at length, calling him a fake bitch and arguing a little with Comona and Jay about it.

#BigFlopperHategang 

Ryan: "so if one of that team's members were something different you'd be able to support team chonk? If it was say, hamburger helper?" Alfred, also a known hamhel hater: "what is wrong with you? Do you think this is a game?"

After Dani promises team Chonk to treat this set like a 3 v 1, she starts doing Considerably Worse, losing each of her stocks earliest in the second match. Captain Crimson is responsible for winning their team the set, team chonk taking out dani, making her get out first, then Captain Crim taking out Both members of team chonk back to back immediately after in an Admittedly Pretty Clutch Set Of Maneuvers. Alfred: "...I've become a Crimson stan." Jay: "I don't think you have a choice, I think EVERYONE'S a crimson stan now." Comona: "Look at me. Look at me. You're a Crimson Stan now." guess we figured out which episode peppermint saw first /j

Team Charm Vs. Team Cash. With all of the robots gaining sentience and forging their own identities this show has its funny to remember the first one was rights who was built for defending the rights of queer people and gained sentience, looked at their purpose, and went 'yep got it in one' and continued to do it but with slightly more of a personal, self-invested touch. I mean technically Mac's the same, had no issue with his assigned purpose, but in a less well-adjusted way given his purpose was 'be google but better and Win.' 

Ryan: "I know you said you were probably only gonna stay for one match but I think the next one is pretty pertinent to you, Alfred." Alfred: "what is it?" Ryan: "Big Yopper vs Yung Papaya." Alfred: *almost demonic noise of hatred and disgust* "you can't say that. dont do this to me." He does leave but it was funny

Comona, after Icee gets a kill: "wow, Icee is just The Silent Killer, isn't he." Ryan: "Yeah I look away for one second and someones dead and im like 'oh yeah icees just kinda there, huh." Funny little bear minding his own business being smiley and unbothered (he is capable of being SO efficiently violent)

Jay, watching cash money gain advantage because yp and icee keep dunking chonk in the water: "yeah, big yopper doesn't like water, hes kind of like a cat that way." Ryan: "yeah hes exactly like a cat, he doesnt like water. Also he's probably killed multiple government officials." Comona: "I don't know man I read warrior cats wasnt there a whole clan that-" (comona chokes and fails to finish the thought)

Team Chonk performs unexpectedly poorly against team cash money. Comona and Jay speculate that while they hit hard and play well, theyre not really built for Stamina, but Ryan suggests something that was said in their talk with Dani might be what has them feeling thrown off, that she'd gotten into their heads, and Jay talks about how the grunk was dead for a bit and how thats a difficult thing to come to terms with so quickly, and that they, Team Chonk, team Big Of Spirit, may have lost the will to fight. Note: Big Yopper, despite being a captain, doesn't appear again even in like, cameos iirc until G4/Squad Strike. We LOVE a toxic girlboss who can ruin the mood so bad it can make seasoned fighters like actually want to take an extended break from the scene entirely <3

Big Yopper whispers something to Yung Papaya before Team Chonk leaves, but Jenny can't catch what.

Capn Crimson's holding their head all irritated about Dantoinette, and Valentine flickers into control. With what we know about how Crimson possession works- he doesn't really seem to touch your mind exactly, at least not in the infiltration-y sense that Prism does, his possessees all seem perfectly lucid when hes not actively in control of them- he just sort of steals your body and forces you mentally into the backseat as a peanut gallery to whatever he's doing with it and if he's not currently in active control of you he can still tap into your senses- kind of suggests to me what's happening here is maybe that he's too mentally/emotionally preoccupied with what Dani's doing here to focus on staying in full control of Valentine's body? Yung Papaya's half demon exorcist dad Rod who is trapped in the body of a snake is getting very excited about it

Dantoinette shoots Valentine point blank in the chest while Valentine is in control, taking his first stock👍 its said this was necessary to finishing off the Crimson and removing it fully from Val's body. She continues to team kill repeatedly. 

The commentators chatter excitedly about how her behavior all makes sense now- shes been playing the long game to free Valentine the whole time! Jay: "thats why she talked to the chonky boys! To ask them to throw!!!" Jay im sorry but i think you have a little too much faith in her. I know the rat match cometh and you will see the light but i dont think she asked them to throw. I dont think dani would ever ask anyone to throw against her even before her godkiller reputation made her worse. i think she mightve just genuinely decimated their feelings somehow.

Comona: "shes strong, shes got the mental game on lock, I don't know what to make of this except that she might be the protagonist of LIFE." Prism certainly seems to think so! Might want to dial back on the 'mental game' thing though because she has not been Even A Little Subtle about her intent to get captain crimson's ass in finals, once again, The Entire Tournament. Like shes a multi-tasking queen and the crazy son of a bitch did great but you're giving a lot of credit to her machiavellian planning when it sure does look like no aspect of this plan would have worked if. Crimson had genuinely wanted to harm her in any way. Fundamentally reliant on crimson genuinely wanting to be on a team with her. 

Captain Valentine is free! They start singing a bunch of random vaguely applicable lines from unknown from M.E. Dont approve of him but gotta trust him. This partnership is only temporary. I'll be the one to set your heart free true. Cleanse yourself of them evil spirits thats in you. Dani assigned Knuckles. Dani gets knocked out of the match and Val cinches the 2v1 for the both of them.

Commentators give Dani extensive credit for 'basically fighting by herself the whole tournament' while trying to exorcise Valentine as though she was 3v1ing the whole time, calling her 'the most powerful person theyve ever seen.' They aint wrong about the Strongest thing necessarily but. Points at crimson legit carrying at certain points despite his teammate being actively hostile. And the commentators ascribing machiavellian intelligence and planning to something that really doesn't appear all that complicated and was executed in a kinda scuffed on-the-fly way that Would Have Failed if Crimson hadn't kept rolling with her even after her intentions were being made blatantly clear, had to feel some kinda way for Dani 'how dare you throw against me ive gotta Earn it you piece of shit' dantoinette. Dani gotta be feeling some typa way about all this not necessarily earned credit for stabbing a guy in the back who only ever got understandably frustrated with her for Attempting to Stab Him In The Back and even then let it slide assuming she was just being a gloryhound and continuing to trust her right up until she shot him out of his host's chest. Or maybe she's not, at least not yet. As we know, "Dani's more of a fighter than a thinker." - johannsen, ncct4

Speaking of, Dantoinette stands up. Shes making a quick announcement. She says shes done everything she needed to do here. She stopped the demon. She brought back valentine. The crowd erupts. And she is Leaving. Valentine can fight her rat. She'll like. be back probably. Bye. Valentine is disappointed by her complete disinterest in even humoring him and leaving him to fight her rat.

Noone expects secret Johannsen. very talented rat equipped with tasers. 

Jay: "i know this is just a normal rat but… isnt this rat looking a little big?" Ryan and Comona: "It's from new york."

Jay: "I know im gonna get weird looks for this but i dont think normal rats are yellow." Ryan: "you haven't been to Manhattan. You haven't been to Piss Rat Central Station." Comona: "thats so close to what ive heard actual new yorkers call that place."

Comona: "i think Dani mightve… you know that grudge match with-" Ryan: "Captain Crimson at the time, yeah-" Comona: "i think she might have thrown that match to stay on a team with him- to stay in his good graces, or else he might have quit?" bold of you to claim Dantoinette would throw under any circumstances even before she apparently Got Worse. She was already Fucking Fuming about even the Idea that ICEE was bracket dodging to not rematch her in 9. That bit is actually Not new.

YOUR NEW CPU KERFUFFLE CHAMPION: DANTOINETTES PET FUCKING RAT. Valentine is seething.

Jay: "yknow if i was captain valentine right now i would be thinking of going and finding some NEW crimson. I'd be salty. I'd be Mad." Comona: "Captain Valentine has been fighting this demon inside of him so long and he finally gets exorcised, he gets brought out, Dantoinette's like 'cmon we're winning this' he gets the final kill and he feels like a badass and everybodys chanting his name and Dantoinette's like 'fight my rat.' And then he LOSES to it, like the FUCK man!!" Ryan: "Dantoinette is a disrespectful motherfucker to the end."

Comona: "shes like traveling through a dimensional wormhole right now laughing her ass off cause she knows this man's about to get bodied by a RAT." Jay: "on the whole of it, in her broad strokes, shes a good person, right? But at the finer points of her? She's a shitter." Ryan: "yeah, she's a piece of shit. She's a gamer, that's what it is. She'll be back one day- she's made it clear she OWNS cpu kerfuffle, she's just handing things off to the rat so she can go play a game she actually WANTS to play."

And so the crimson arc ends as it began- on the burning bridge of a messy gay breakup along moral lines! /j

Been rewatching bits and pieces of cpuk season one for fun and taking notes of funny stuff we dont talk about much in the discord and thinking abt it in the context of later seasons/information and its very fun. This is stuff from 1-5 (will likely update as i get further in this partial rewatch, under readmore for spoilers of later parts of the series and keeping the post short)

Hamhel and dadondorf apparently taught jimbo 'butt/butts' is a swear word but 'fuck' isnt. Jimbo is really interested in music as we know but also distinctly very bad at it. Jimbo's biological parents are dead, but left him a LOT of money and as a result spending too much money on shit he doesn't need became his favorite coping mechanism and, following the divorce, he used up all of his inheritance money and started dipping into the family funds, which is when Dadon and him start having Problems. Jimbo is extremely hamhel's kid neither of them should be trusted with any kind of power. Jimbo, i know you've been through a lot and the dad that was demonstrably better at connecting with you is being Fucked Up And Evil Right Now but honey, the shopping addiction is not gonna make your life any stabler. listen to zzzzzzoey. go to therapy. 'Jimbo tried to summon satan to kill his dad' is a thing thats said. Which. gestures in crimson's general direction. funny. Jimbo is peak 'remember when you were 15 and convinced you were evil and irredeemable but really you were just 15' except at this point hes like, 13 max im pretty sure and also hes Really stupid (affectionate.) (CPUK1)

Dadondorf is personal friends with Cranky Kong. Hamhel claims he threw a match in winners finals against Dad to give him a fighting chance and I think he's full of shit as ever <3 Dadondorf to Jimbo: "I'm sorry, It's just- I know you miss your other dad, but we'll get through this together." bro dont talk to me about to wring hamhel's dumbass neck, you dumb son of a bitch meat man abandoning your family for demonic power to recapture your glory days im gonna KILL Y- hes better now its fine im fine theyre fine. man imagining what the winners finals and championship match between dadon and hamhel at the end of cpuk1 would be like with season 2-3 style voiceacted storytelling has me fucked up. itd kill me i think .

Zzzzzoey's apparently like. 18 years old in cpuk1????? If thats still canonical shes in her fuckin. early 20s now. what the Fuck. more like a cool big sister to Jimbo convincing him to go to therapy and helping him reconcile with his dad like that than a peer. (CPUK1)

Patchman apparently worships some kind of obscure scarecrow harvest god called Scarny, and either his ratspeak was kind of rusty or he genuinely briefly forgot what science was because when he called Zapmouse the work of the devil and Zapmouse corrected him by saying he was a product of science he said he didnt believe in scientology. Zapmouse is explicitly an atheist. Zapmouse also likes to use elaborate threats to get his point across. Zapmouse ended a friendship and threatened to rip out a person's teeth for patronizing him by calling him their pet to explain why they were talking to a rat. (CPUK2)

Grundy, the Grunk's brother, has a confirmed skin, he's represented by the green bowser when they talk about him during the Grunk's intro! He and the Grunk lived in Tennessee, and he's a famous and respected restauranteur specialized in Southern Comfort Food whose critical opinion is so highly respected a bad yelp review from him can tank businesses. He, and I quote, 'sucks.' they talk about grundy so much in the grunk's debut episode it's kinda funny that he's never shown up. They even raise the idea of introducing him as a fighter at some point. although considering his brother died being part of kerfuffle and then he kept doing it and let his son participate too, i dont blame him for not wanting to get involved. People apparently start beef with the Grunk sometimes just for being related to Grundy, considering sauceboss. maybe they just don't. talk anymore. (CPUK4)

Home MD really likes fish and cares about the ocean as an environment, Alfred even throwing out the idea that he wears black in grim remembrance of the Mozilla Oil Spill. i wonder if this interest was present before the time loop or if it developed during. What im asking is what came first hackshifter aquarium dates or home md getting just like really into maintaining his doctors office fish tank as a coping mechanism. Did Larry frequently get into physical altercations with litterers at the beach growing up or is that new. They say Home MD saw Finding Dory and cried. they also, unrelated, say Home is so old he canonically uses internet explorer. Fucking mean to him!!! he's like 25ish at this point in the loop! I know he has the exhaustion in his eyes of a man twice that age but leave him alone!!!!!!! (CPUK4) (Sidenote its so fucking funny to me that even during the home timeloop larry was picking fights with hamhel. He wants to kick that old mans ass so bad but it'll never happen. I think larry greets hamhel every time they meet by trying to put him in a headlock and casually failing. Their weird frenemy relationship is so funny to me)

Firefox is a Mega-Corporation that has its fingers in lots of things, the browser's just the main thing they do. So in the kerfuffleverse mozilla as a company is kinda like google as a company is in the real world. Mozillas dead as hell and Nightly hates his ass and has understandably complicated feelings about family but it's unclear in my memory if he's still like, involved with the company or the rest of his family in any way. Is nightly a disowned out of touch ex-richboy or what (CPUK4)

it is funny that the lowkey bloodlust has been whats stuck about Corn most into the present from her debut. Alfred: "corn really just put a knife to this man's (home md) neck and said 'i'm here to take your blood.'" She craves violence and always has and i respect it (CPUK4)

ICEE was a huge superfan of ICEE who got sponsored as a result of him promoting the brand through his very public love of it abd as such has some amount of unofficial pull with the company. Spriteman is not sponsored. The coca cola company does not want to be associated with Spriteman in any way, shape, or form. his sheer violent feverish devotion to that citrus soft drink is completely fucking unmarketable to them. If cpu kerfuffle wasn't distinctly unaffected by the law he'd probably be getting sued for so aggressively stanning their product in such an intensely unflattering way on a public platform. Also christ in a clown car he was stuck perfect for SO LONG he went perfect between cpuk3 and cpuk4, and didn't recover until cpuk20. This man was in a feral state and not fully in control of himself for a bit under 2 years i think? he is So rusty at being a human. In the first episode he was 'Perfect,' he seemed fairly lucid, which is. Upsetting. because it implies that he slowly lost that lucidity until he was the 's-sprite' stammering beast he was by the time g2 rolled in. 

Yung Papaya's snake exorcist dad was described as being half demon before becoming a snake, and his name is actually Rod. These are some of the only things the snake priest dad remembers from his life before being transformed into a snake aside from his work as an exorcist. I have no additional commentary on this i just think its funny (CPUK5)

The Light Void is, apparently, a void of pure light and an entity that instead of consuming or encompassing things as one might imagine the maw of the void to do, allows things to take of it whatevers needed that it can give. a sort of metaphysical wellspring hammerspace of potential, it sounds like. One of the many odd, complex and multifaceted world-crafting forms of Spectrum's divinity, perhaps? its emissary, corrupted into the cbt demon, is described as having little sentience/autonomy to begin with, so it's tricky to exorcise because it lacks much of a will of its own to free, and doesn't have the capacity to desire to be freed, as it exists to serve whatever purpose its needed for. It can only speak occasionally, and it's very direct and lacks personality. (CPUK5)

In CPUK5's intros, ryan says dan is a geeksquad employee that was Sent Into The Game. Like A Normal Guy From Real Life Literally Sent Into The Video Game. Its compared repeatedly to scooby doo cyberchase. nccts stuff clarifies this is arguably pretty normal for the fighters origins but Dan was literally intentionally isekai'd here from Normal Actual Real Life to help try to deal with hamburger helper. Every Dan Is Explicitly From Another World. Also he seemed like he was having so much genuine fun fighting Al compared to his whole Comedically Tired Cosmically Tormented Everyman thing hes got going on now and also for like the whole rest of his time in even this tournament. Also apparently he fixed icee's ipod once and returned it and all the music was gone except 15 copies of ice ice baby with one under pressure. blows kiss love u dan <3

Alfred: "Alabaster Uppercut has been fighting for 27 years, and dedicated the other two to teaching children how to do the uppercut just like him" oh my god was Al already like 29 when cpuk5 happened. Is Al in his early thirties now. Also he says Al was already very respected and well-known in his home village and he was once ideologically pacifist and only signed up for cpuk because a group of other competitors viciously defamed him and his village and called him a pussy on social media and one of the village kids started getting bullied over it and that's what crossed a line with him, which is interesting. Ya boy loves the fight for the sake of the fun of the fight now but he supposedly used to Very Much Not Like Fighting Pointlessly At All? Originally more of a 'practices a martial art as a meditation and preservation of heritage' kind of guy before discovering The Joys Of Consensual Sportsman's Violence

[acesydneysage]

My thoughts on how an Alchemist revolution could go

I turned some of the initial points into a one-shot, but I'm very unlikely to actually write anything that sees all of it through to the end, so I'm laying out what I imagine would happen. I could follow the initial fic's format and just write cutesy domestic fluff with hints of what is going on in the Alchemist revolution in the background, but who knows

In The Golden Lily, Sonya thought Sydney's blood might be key to a vaccine, since it was undrinkable to Strigoi. Later, in The Fiery Heart, in their visit to Inez, we find out that it's because her blood is coated in human magic. That makes it taste foul to undead vampires, and also broke her Alchemist tattoo, by countering the compulsion of Moroi magic with human magic.

She eventually uses a similar principle to make the tattoo breaking ink she gives to Marcus, and that she uses to help the other re-education inmates in Silver Shadows.

So, with that in mind:

My initial idea was that one of Marcus' operatives, who got tattooed with Sydney's ink, would suffer a Strigoi attack. Their blood would turn out to be undrinkable. Since Sydney's ink breaks the Alchemist tattoo, the receivers blood would get coated with human magic, like a witch's.

I would like it if that person was one of the people Sydney helped in re-education, because I'd like to think those people stayed loyal to her, and maybe see her as a leader. Just because it's really touching to me how she was still worried about others, and risking herself to help, while she was going through her worst nightmare.

In my fic I went with Sydney's roommate Emma, "the Sydney Sage of re-education", because I really love her. She really did turn out to be the Sydney of re-education, at least in part, because while she was repeating the party line and trying to seem cooperative, she was actually a badass rebel who fights back. There are other reasons, I'll get to that in the end.

Sydney's ink potentially working as a Strigoi vaccine is something important enough that she would risk her truce with the Alchemists to investigate. And since the ink also makes people immune to their mind control, the Alchemists wouldn't work with them like they did for the spirit vaccine. I truly believe that they value their control more than human souls.

I'm sure Declan’s blood will be important to the spirit vaccine. They couldn't mass produce it since it required a recent Strigoi restoration, trapping the spirit before it left the blood, while his blood is described as brimming with spirit. But Sydney and Adrian don't want their son to be experimented on, so that's just more incentive to seek an alternative.

I think Sydney’s ink wouldn't work on Moroi, going by the logic of the magic described in the books (human magic wins out in humans), but helping humans is already a big deal, and it could maybe work on dhampirs.

Meanwhile, the Alchemists have been getting polarized. When it's revealed that some of them were helping the Warriors of Light in the end of the series, while Warriors were keeping Moroi captive, that causes controversy. They eventually start to get divided into factions.

After the US re-education center burns down, those who oppose re-education try to defend that it not be rebuilt, and that other centers be shut down. There are symbolic concessions, but they eventually get basically re-education by another name. Similar things happen when it comes to demands for more transparency, and less authoritarianism in general.

And of course there's a reaction to progressive demands. A hardcore anti-Moroi faction is amenable to teaming up with the Warriors. They're tired of "fighting evil by cataloguing it."

If this faction wins out, they won't actually care that Sydney is blackmailing them into letting her live with proof that they worked with the Warriors, since they openly want that, and they consider her continued existence a humiliation. So Sydney and Adrian wouldn't be able to sit out this fight.

There are more and more defectors who simply leave and join Marcus (or go into hiding and try to stay away from that whole mess). But out of those who stay Alchemists, as things start to devolve into an actual civil war, the moderate faction has a lot of infighting about joining up with the rebels.

That's at least in part because Sydney is one of their most notorious members, and while they might not want to see all the Moroi exterminated, marrying one of them is still going way too far to a lot of them.

So, let's talk allies. Sydney definitely put Marcus in touch with more witches and taught them how to make the ink. And I think besides kidnapping Moroi and dhampirs, the Warriors could be capturing witches too, which would turn them against each other.

In re-education, when it's revealed that Sydney has magic they say that has happened before, and I imagine they handled it with the same amount of compassion. I think maybe Chantal is a witch too and that's why she was fown in the punishment level with Sydney.

Alicia definitely showed that some witches might be willing to work with them for their personal gain, but I think as a community they would protect their own. They wouldn't look kindly on Alchemists torturing witches. And even if they were born into the Alchemists, they chose to be witches, so their allegiance to them would take precedence in their minds. Sydney's coven and Ms. Terwilliger are definitely on board.

I think the rebels might be able to get the Keepers on their side, since they have a complicated relationship with the Alchemists, where they seemto deliberately keepthem dependent. Marcus' stated goal for a long time was helping Moroi on their own terms, that's what he did for a long while. He definitely didn't have any plans to topple the Alchemists in the Bloodlines era, he didn't thinkthat was possible. So they occasionally helped them get better technology and resources that the Alchemists don't want them to have, and they promise to help them further in the future. That gets them the Keepers sympathy.

The Moroi government obviously isn't gonna side with the anti-Moroi faction, but I think they'd try to stay out of the conflict and not be dragged into the fighting for as long as possible. But they've come to depend on the Alchemists too much to keep them hidden, and they're now in chaos.

With the Alchemists weakened by a civil war they aren't really doing a great job of keeping up the masquerade, Moroi secrecy gets very precarious.

Now. While Alchemists claim to be very worried about human souls, absolutely no one in the VA universe seems that worried about regular humans' lives. They don't even know about the existence of Strigoi so they could protect themselves. And yes, there are humans who'd work with Strigoi. Strigoi seem to have zero issue finding those humans as is, they simply tell them about vampires themselves when they wanna get servants.

Now there's a vaccine that could help protect humans, and really reduce Strigoi's capacity to feed, but you have to actually apply them to humans. And more and more supernatural events are being sloppily covered up since the Alchemists are otherwise preoccupied.

I'm sure there are some valid reasons for the masquerade, and humans might not behave amazingly towards supernatural creatures, but leaving them completely helpless to this threat isn't very ethical, and certainly not when you have a vaccine that could help them.

And honestly, as cliche as that argument is in discussions of monster hunting, humans could potentially take the Strigoi out, we have some pretty amazing weapons. Or we could be massively incompetent about a problem that we are fully capable of solving. You know...

So the supernatural world gets revealed, and that makes the Alchemists pretty obsolete. Of course, although they have been weakened by the decade(s) of infighting, that doesn't mean they lose all of their resources and connections all at once, but it would be a huge blow their relevance.

They get splintered into a lot of different groups that can still cause trouble, but they're no longer the omnipresent shadow organization they used to be.

And if this whole process took about 15 years, Declan and his buddies would be neatly protagonist aged in time to deal with the huge upheaval and the new mess of problems brought on by the integration of the Moroi and human world. And he'd more capable of thinking about his own relationship to the spirit vaccine and making his own decisions.

So most of this post was written to be understood whether or not you read Silver Stars, but this final bit is more about what could directly follow. When it comes to the fic I was more worried about the characters and their feelings, and excuses for domestic fluff and hurt/confort. So here's the fic on AO3 and on Tumblr.

In the end of The Ruby Circle, there's indication that Zoe Sage and Stanton, with the incentive of Sydney's blackmail, will be trying to reform the Alchemists. I don't really think they're reformable, attempts to extinguish re-education would basically result in rebranding. @sydneysageivashkov has some lesbian!Zoe head that I think are pretty compatible with my headcanons for an Alchemist revolution, and what Zoe would be doing during that initial period.

I think it could take a few more years, 3 or 4, for Sydney to actually have to leave her home and go into hiding. Declan foes actually get a little bit of a normal school experience. I imagine this whole process going very slowly, as the situation gradually deteriorates. And the witches would now claim Sydney as one of their own, making it a bigger problem for the Alchemists to attack her directly, lest they make enemies of the whole magical community.

By the time Sydney has to go into hiding I imagine Zoe is gonna have to leave the Alchemists as well. The other reason why I chose Emma for the first fic, is that she was in re-education in part for her sister's actions, so it shows that the Alchemists wouldn't be above hurting Zoe for Sydney's actions.

Sydney has very important reasons to join the revolution, and in fact she might eventually not have a choice, but she knows that once she officially breaks her truce with the Alchemists her whole family and even her fellow re-education inmates that she got amnesty for.

I imagine Sydney, Adrian, Eddie and Declan could spend a while hiding in a ranch very out of the way that Chantal and Duncan got themselves. Insert Adrian joke about that escape plan where cute blonde girls had to wear cow girl outfits.

Duncan has been shown to be pretty hesitant to risk going against authority, and Chantal is even more psychologically messed up than Sydney and the rest of them. Sydney feels pretty awful about placing them in danger, but they're both very grateful to her for helping them escape. Also Chantal is a really badass witch, although a bit unstable, I'll eventually find something to do with that, revolution wise.

But Sydney and Adrian would eventually leave and get more active roles in the revolution. I would very much like it to be an actual collective movement and not one special girl bringing down the Alchemists by herself, but I think Sydney would have a pretty prominent role after everything she went through.

This is way too long, but I had fun with it, and if you got this far, thank you for reading 😀

[kucherovv]

Character Motivations on the DreamSMP

I know I’m an ARG Wilbur account, but analyzing the DreamSMP has always been super interesting to me, so I’m gonna take a crack at it. Here are, from my perspective, the motivations and interests of each plot-relevant character. (PS: analyzing the DreamSMP is just like analyzing the ARG, except a lot less frustrating because we actually know things.)

Tommy: His motivations have always, always, been his friends, most notably Wilbur. Throughout everything, he never left Wilbur’s side despite everything Wil did. He followed L’Manberg because it was Wilbur’s dream, not his. He allows himself to be thrown around a little bit (”When I said you’re never gonna be president..,” The pit) to keep his friendships/his friends safe. Now, his motivation isn’t keeping L’Manberg safe, it’s staying with Tubbo Another interesting view of Tommy’s motivations is his hero complex- He just wants to be seen as the hero, and does everything in his power to do that. Either way, I feel like his motivations are going to be severely tested in the coming days.

Tubbo: I think Tubbo’s motivations are really interesting because there’s two. It used to be Tommy- which makes sense because they’re best friends- but it’s slowly warped to be L’Manberg. I think this mostly changed when Wilbur and Tommy were exiled and Tubbo was left in the Schlatt administration, and he realized that he needs to fight for L’Manberg in order to keep Tommy safe. This then shifted further to just protection of L’Manberg, to the point that now he’s willing to exile Tommy from the country to keep it safe from Dream.

Wilbur: One thing: Power. Everything he’s done has been to get, or keep, power. The Revolution was to have power over Dream in the form of their own country. He tried to rig the election in his favor by preventing everyone else from running to keep power, and when he was exiled he fought for L’Manberg so he could be President again. Even in the end, he blew up L’Manberg because he realized it would never be his again. This is where the “When I said you’re never gonna be President, I meant it.” quote comes back- Wilbur would do everything in his power to keep power over L’Manberg and its citizens- no matter who, or what, he hurts.

Techno: These are some of the most simply motivations on the SMP. Techno wants anarchy. He hates governments and wants to end them all. He joined Wilbur and Tommy because he wanted to take down the government, and ultimately betrayed Tommy in an attempt to end L’Manberg’s government. His motivations might be shifting towards Philza, but I’m not sure.

Philza: I think it’s a bit too early to tell these but I have two ideas. First, safety. Phil wants safety for him, his kids, and his friends. He goes out of his way to rescue people (See: him travelling hundreds of blocks to rescue Ranboo from lava) and performs rash actions to protect people/keep his kids happy (killing Wilbur..?). Another potential motivation is just his kids. He killed Wilbur to keep Wil happy, and wants to bring Wilbur back to life. His whole thing with Ghostbur and with Techno fits into this. His friendship with Fundy kind of does, too. Again, it’s way too early and there’s too little RP with Phil involved to truly tell his motivations.

Dream: Every single war has been caused by Dream. He wants chaos and control. He was the one behind the revolution, the disc wars, and every betrayal of L’Manberg, He even caused the election drama by allowing Schlatt back on the server, and provoked fighting by giving Tommy and Techno gear. Dream wants to be the one who causes chaos, in order to give himself full control over everyone. This recent arc is gonna build on- and potentially destroy- this motivation, as Dream is probably going to lose all of the support of his friends, and Tommy has realized that Dream doesn’t care and just wants to fuck with him.

Sapnap: I would definitely say that at the moment Sapnap is an anarchist with no true side. He has dual citizenship in L’Manberg and the SMP, and, though he might be willing to do things for both of them, he just wants to cause problems and kill peoples pets. Sapnap is literally the cause for the first war when he burned down Ponk’s lemon tree- he literally just wants to cause problems.

George: There are few motivations for George. He just wants peace, honestly, but won’t do anything to stop wars, so he just leaves. At first, he was a loyal, right-hand man to Dream, but became disillusioned with that when he became Quackity’s running-mate, and just stopped caring about anything. He just wants to live peacefully in his cottagecore mushroom house, but he keeps being dragged into things. I think that George just doesn’t really enjoy RPing but they keep writing him in, lol, but I am going to say that his motivations are that he wants to live a quiet life.

Schlatt: He just wanted what he believed is best for Manberg. IMO, he was never really the villain, and was rightfully elected, but no one realized that until Wilbur did. He realized that Wilbur and Tommy were pretty much war criminals who tried to rig the election, so he exiled them because that was what was best for the people, and then gave Tubbo a job so that he didn’t have to worry about leaving. Even the taxes were to improve Manberg. His policies and laws were not always the best, but he was doing everything he could (in his mind) to improve Manberg.

Quackity: Wilbur said that Quackity just wants a kinder, more peaceful world, and that’s definitely true. I tried not to base too much of this on Wilbur’s perceptions but this one is 100% accurate. Quackity ran for President to create a kinder world, and ended up leaving Schlatt to join Tommy and Niki after Vilbur happened. I think Mexican L’Manberg might end up changing this one, but I’m not sure.

Fundy: He just wants a dad. Everything he’s done has been for this, pretty much. Obviously, he followed Wilbur into the Revolution when he was a kid, and then wanted to be like him so he ran for President. After Wilbur’s exile, Fundy saw Schlatt as a kind-of father figure, but still spied for Manberg. The explosion was a wake-up call that made Fundy realize how shitty his dad was, and how much Wil doesn’t care about him. Fundy is unwilling to form a relationship with Ghostbur, instead attempting to be adopted by Eret and getting closer to his Grandfather. He’s realized that Ghostbur does not really remember Fundy for who he was, just that he was Wilbur’s son and Ghostbur should care about him because of that, so Fundy seeks out other people to be his father figures.

Eret: They had a huge swap in their motivation like.. halfway through the story. For the first half, Eret wanted power- so she betrayed L’Manberg. Dream promised him kingship in exchange for the betrayal, and that was all Eret really wanted- until Dream took it away from him. At this point, Eret realized that she really misses her friends, which is when she joined them in Pogtopia. TBH- I don’t really like these motivations and I think Eret’s character would be stronger if they stuck to one side, and at some points I think it was just to be involved in the RP again, but it kind of makes sense I guess.

Niki: First, she cared about Wilbur, joining him in L’Manberg and wanting to stay in Pogtopia with them. However, when Vilbur started, she realized that what she really cares about is L’Manberg, not Wilbur. The big shift could’ve also been when she saw the flag being burned. Either way, she realized that L’Manberg means more to her than Wilbur. 

BadBoyHalo: Bad’s motivations are my favorite. He wants chaos, just like Dream, but he’s planning to do it from the inside. He wants the Badlands to ally with everyone, only to spark infighting and create wars. This is why Sam is always the one to help people- he wants to gain everyones trust so the Badlands can incite chaos. This is an incredible arc and I really hope they go through with it because- unlike Dream- its not expected that they’ll be villains. Also, the speech where Bad explained this was so scary, he’s a great actor and I want to see him and the rest of the Badlands in RPs more.

[hysterialevi]

His Name Was Isaac - Ch. 3

Fanfic summary: During a mission to avenge his mother’s death, Isaac hunts down the men responsible for her murder and kills them off one-by-one, only to discover that his last target is taking refuge among the Van der Linde gang. In an attempt to kill them, Isaac attacks the gang and unknowingly becomes enemies with his own father, who is in the process of fighting his own battle for redemption.

Point of view: third-person

Previous chapter | Next chapter

This story is also on AO3

ONE WEEK LATER

OUTSKIRTS OF BLACKWATER

Steadily moving his line of sight just along the distant horizon, Shay Mackintosh kept a close eye on the bank in Blackwater as a number of customers went in and out, completely oblivious to the gang that lurked no more than a stone’s throw away from them.

At the moment, the town seemed pretty calm. Normal. Ordinary. Not nearly as hostile as the last time Shay set foot there. That must’ve meant that the people had either grown too comfortable with their lives, or that there was someone else guarding the perimeter for them. And considering the rumors of Pinkertons roaming around Tall Trees, Shay assumed it was the latter.

...Dammit, he mentally cursed to himself. 

The last thing the Van der Lindes needed to worry about right now were Pinkertons. Dutch was already close to losing his mind as it was, and with the Skinner Brothers’ growing presence in West Elizabeth, Shay doubted the man would be calming down anytime soon.

If federal agents started going after them... well, he didn’t even wanna think about the chaos they’d cause.

Though... this could’ve been a blessing in disguise, depending on how one looked at it. As money-hungry as their gang was, Shay could see that everyone was anxious to get out of West Elizabeth and move on somewhere safer. Somewhere that didn’t have lawmen or rival gangs prowling around every corner.

A few of the other members had already expressed their concerns surrounding the upcoming robbery in Blackwater, and with the presence of Pinkertons now being an issue, Shay expected there would be even more infighting back at their hideout.

If too many threats presented themselves at the same time... perhaps Dutch would finally see sense and agree to relocate their camp. 

But... then again, that could’ve just been wishful thinking on Shay’s part. Dutch was known for his stubbornness, after all, and Mackintosh couldn’t remember the last time their leader ever swayed his mind about something without raising hell about it first.

If he truly had his mind set on robbing this godforsaken bank, then... Shay supposed that was what they’d do. Dutch was the boss in the end of the day, and his word was practically law.

It didn’t mean Shay wasn’t worried, though. 

“Mackintosh...!” A man’s voice suddenly called out from behind, cutting off Shay’s train of thought. 

The outlaw whipped around in alarm and instantly reached for his pistol, only to come to a halt once he saw who it was.

“Jesus, Arthur...!” he whispered in a startled tone. “I nearly blew your goddamn head off. Thought you was one of them Skinner boys.”

The older man chuckled, crouching down so that he was at the same level as Shay.

“I’ll try not to take that as an insult. What’re you doin’ out here?”

Mackintosh returned to his binoculars, focusing the lenses. “Dutch asked me to scout the place out before we move in. He wanted to know what we’re dealin’ with.”

Arthur leaned closer to Shay and squinted his eyes, trying to follow the man’s gaze. “...And? You see anything worth noting? How many guards are at that bank?”

“Well... I’ve counted about a dozen so far, though there could be more I’m not seeing. They switch every once in a while, but it ain’t often. Not many openings for us to charge in.” 

Shay lowered his binoculars for a second, turning to face Arthur. “...I won’t lie to you, Morgan. It’s gonna be difficult to rob this bank. The whole thing’s under heavy guard, and there are Pinkertons wanderin’ in the streets now. It’d be a huge risk to grab this score, even with all our men.”

The other man held his hand out. “Here. Lemme take a look.”

Passing the device over to Arthur, Shay patiently stood by as the man thoroughly scanned the area, picking up every detail he possibly could.

“Yeah...” Arthur muttered worriedly, “...security’s gotten real tight in Blackwater, that’s for sure.”

“And you still think it’s a good idea to hit this town?” Shay questioned.

“It don’t matter what I think,” Morgan replied. “It ain’t up to me.”

“No, but I imagine you still have a mind of your own, don’t you? As well as your own concerns.”

The older man gave him a cautionary side glance. “It sounds like you’ve got some, Mackintosh. Care to share?”

Shay sighed in a defeated manner. “Look, I know Dutch thinks this’ll be a easy score since Blackwater’s such a small town, but small doesn’t always mean easy. It just means more concentrated. I mean, look at this place.”

He gestured to the settlement in front of them. “Blackwater’s essentially one, giant square. All the buildings are more-or-less in the same area, and it ain’t nearly as convoluted as the other cities we’ve hit. There are fewer blind spots to worry about. Fewer entrances to keep an eye on. Fewer places for us to hide if things go south. And there’s also the fact that Pinkertons have been seen in Tall Trees. If this plan goes awry--”

“--It won’t.” Arthur interrupted.

“...If it does,” Shay reiterated, “we’ll be dead men. The law will have no problems cagin’ us in, and we’ll be hanged on the spot.”

As much as Arthur hated to admit it, the man had a point. Blackwater wasn’t exactly the ideal place for an outlaw to be right now, and with all the threats surrounding them in this area, he couldn’t deny that he thought they might’ve been better off staying the hell away from this town.

But even then, his thoughts were irrelevant. No matter what his opinions were, it was Dutch who always had the final say, and Arthur knew damn well that a few lawmen strolling about wouldn’t be enough to scare the old man off.

If they were going to convince Dutch to leave Blackwater alone, they’d need one hell of a good reason. And at the moment, Arthur couldn’t think of one.

“Look,” Arthur said, keeping his voice down, “I hear you, Shay. But like I said before, it ain’t my choice whether we stick around or not. That’s Dutch’s decision.”

Shay persisted. “Well, yeah, but you’re the only one he actually listens to. That’s why I’m tellin’ you this, Morgan. If you speak with Dutch, he might see where we’re coming from.”

Arthur put the binoculars down. “And if he doesn’t, we risk being accused of being traitors.”

Mackintosh quirked a brow. “What are you talkin’ about?”

“That’s how Dutch’s mind works now,” Morgan explained. “I dunno if you’ve noticed, but he’s a paranoid mess these days. He values loyalty above everything else in this world, and in his head, loyalty means you don’t question anything he does. If I bring up our concerns about this robbery and Dutch doesn’t see reason, he’ll lose all his faith in us. I’ve seen previous gang members get shot over less.”

Shay’s expression froze with shock. “Jesus. I knew Dutch was unstable, but that’s downright lunacy.”

Arthur sighed in frustration. “He ain’t a lunatic. He’s just...” he trailed off, unable to find the right words. “...look, forget it. Let’s just get back to camp. I’m sure Dutch is waiting to hear what we’ve found.”

Shay took his binoculars back, sliding them into his satchel. “And then you’ll have a word with him?”

The other man rose to his feet, nodding in response. “I’ll... I’ll see what I can do. I ain’t gonna promise anything, but I’ll try to make him see reason.”

Mackintosh followed Arthur’s actions and returned to his horse, preparing to head back to camp. “Thank you, Arthur. That’s all I ask. Lots of folk are nervous about this robbery, and I wouldn’t wanna see half our gang get wiped out all because of one mistake.”

Arthur thought back to the ferry job they did eight years ago, not even bothering to point out the extreme irony in Shay’s statement.

“...No,” he settled for, sounding much more regretful than before. “We wouldn’t.”

~~~~~~~~~~

A LITTLE LATER

AURORA BASIN

Opening the door to Dutch’s cabin, Arthur and Shay both sauntered into the cold living room as the smell of lingering smoke smacked them in the face, causing the latter to let out a series of coughs.

At the moment, Dutch was mindlessly chewing on the tip of a freshly-lit pipe and steadily pacing around the room, allowing him to think more intently as he listened to Micah prattle on about some nonsense.

It looked like the other man had just returned from his own journey, judging by the heavy satchel slung over his shoulder. There didn’t seem to be much in it other than a few dead rabbits, and considering the fact that there was still some blood on Micah’s glove, Arthur assumed the man had been out hunting.

About time he did something useful, Arthur thought. The man rarely ever lifted a finger around camp other than to swat flies, and when he wasn’t irritating the hell out of the other gang members, he was back in this cabin, doing whatever he could to lick Dutch’s boots. Though, this time... the tone of Micah’s voice suggested he may have been here for another reason.

“Shay! Arthur!” Dutch barked once his gaze landed on the two new guests in his cabin. “You’re back. What did you learn?”

“The bank’s locked up tight, Dutch,” Mackintosh answered, stepping closer to him. “We counted about a dozen guards standing outside of it, and I also spotted some new security measures while we was there. They’ve got more walls. More gates. More places to trap us if we ain’t careful. This is gonna be a risky job no matter how many people we bring.”

The older man didn’t seem pleased. “Well, that’s good to know, but I thought I told you to be discreet.”

Shay blinked in confusion. “We... were. We didn’t set a single foot in Blackwater and scouted it from the outskirts. Just like you said.”

“Oh, is that so? Then why is it that there’s someone in town looking for us?”

Arthur jumped in, his interest now piqued. “Wait, there is?”

Dutch gestured to Micah. “Yeah, Micah saw him. He was just telling me about it before you boys walked in. Said he spotted them in the saloon.”

The other man nodded casually. “Sure did. It was a young man. About this tall. Blonde. I didn’t catch his name, but he was askin’ all sorts of folk if they knew who the Van der Lindes were. Also if they knew Dutch. He seemed pretty determined to find us. Luckily, he didn’t notice me.”

Arthur rubbed his chin, suddenly feeling a lot less confident about bringing up his concerns to Dutch. “...Shit. Was he a lawman?”

Micah shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think so. He didn’t look like one. Didn’t have no shiny badge neither. My guess is he’s a bounty hunter.”

Shay furrowed his brows. “A single bounty hunter tracking us down all by himself? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Arthur took on a more cautionary tone. “Who says he’s by himself? You’d have to be a fool to fight a gang on your own. It’s most-likely he’s got more friends that we haven’t seen yet.”

Micah shrugged. “That, or he doesn’t realize how close he is to us. Probably thinks he’s still got a ways to go before worryin’ about any sort of fighting. After all, no one expects to find what’s right under their nose.”

Mackintosh changed the subject. “Either way, if this man’s asking questions all around town, he’s gonna draw attention to us. We need to deal with him before anyone else takes an interest.”

“He’s right,” Arthur agreed, turning to Dutch. “You want us to deal with him, Dutch? We can go back to Blackwater. Take him out right now.”

“No.” The man responded, causing all three of them to fall silent.

“...No?” Micah asked, significantly more concerned now. “But if we don’t kill him now, he’s bound to find our camp later.”

Dutch grinned deviously at that. “Exactly. It’s too risky for us to attack him when he’s in the heart of civilization. There are too many obstacles. Too many guards. Too many people. So, instead... I say we let him find us. We’ll play along, let him think that we don’t know what he’s doing, and when he finally comes waltzing into the lion’s den -- that’s when we’ll strike.”

“But what if he’s not alone?” Arthur pointed out. “We’ll have an entire group of bounty hunters right on our doorstep.”

“Then we fight.” Dutch said plainly. “We have enough men to deal with a few guns. We’ll be alright. For now, though, just stay focused on the bank. I don’t want any of you worrying about no bounty hunters unless we have to. Understand?”

The three of them exchanged looks for a moment, ultimately deciding that it wasn’t worth an argument.

“Of course, Dutch,” Micah finally complied. “You’re the boss.”

The older man appeared satisfied with that answer. “Good. Now get back to work. All of you. This bank ain’t gonna open itself.”

Ending the conversation there, Dutch put his smoking pipe away and gave a simple wave of the hand, signaling for everyone to return to their lives while he wandered back to his rocking chair.

Shay and Micah were already halfway out the front door by the time Dutch took a seat, but as always, Arthur remained the odd one out and stayed in place, pondering what he should do next.

Unbeknownst to him however, he wasn’t the only one thinking.

“...I know that look, Arthur.” Dutch remarked, his back turned to him. “I’ve known it for the past eight years. There’s somethin’ you wanna say, isn’t there?”

The younger outlaw hesitated for a second, unsure of whether he should tell the truth.

“...Yeah...” he grumbled out, “but you ain’t gonna like it.”

Dutch chuckled. “Try me.”

Walking up to Dutch, Arthur took a while to gather his thoughts before joining the other man’s side, stopping to lean against a nearby table. He still wasn’t entirely certain if he wanted to express his true thoughts to his friend, but deep down, Arthur knew that what Mackintosh said at Blackwater had merit in it.

“...I think we should leave Blackwater alone.” Arthur admitted at last, earning a puzzled look from Dutch.

The older outlaw paused for a moment, wrapping his head around what the other just said.

“Leave Blackwater... alone?” He repeated, clearly not on board with the idea.

“It’s too risky, Dutch. We don’t even know if the bank is worth it. We’ve got no idea how much cash is really bein’ held in that vault, and on top of that, there’s a shit ton of guards patrolling the area. You heard Shay back there. They’ll shoot us down before we even reach the building.”

 “Which probably means there’s a lot of money just sittin’ in there waiting to be stolen! Why else would the security be so tight?”

Arthur knew he was going to say that. “And what about these Pinkertons? We’ve all heard the rumors. They’ve been seen in Tall Trees, Dutch. That’s right outside our camp! All they have to do is take one wrong step, and they’ll be on top of us before we know it. We have to leave now. We don’t want a repeat of what happened in Blackwater eight years ago. You remember the chaos that led to?”

Dutch sighed. “Of course I do. But we won’t make that mistake again. This time, we’ll be better prepared.”

The younger man held his hands out in a perplexed manner. “How? We have even fewer men than we did for the ferry job, and the bounty on our heads is bigger than ever. How are our chances gonna be any higher for this score?”

“Because we have you now.” Dutch said. “You wasn’t with us for the ferry job, and neither was Hosea. And look how that turned out.” 

He stood up from his chair and placed a reassuring hand on Arthur’s shoulder, looking him in the eye. “But we have your help this time. Hosea may not be with us anymore, but I know for a fact you wouldn’t let me down, son. I have no doubts that this job’ll go just fine.”

Arthur saw right through the flattery and put his hands on his hips, completely at a loss for words.

There was nothing he could say or do that would convince Dutch to leave Blackwater, was there? The man was entirely obsessed with the city by now, and Arthur knew that at the heart of it, none of this really had anything to do with the money in the first place. It was purely about Dutch’s pride.

He knew that Dutch still hadn’t gotten over what happened to them all those years ago, and he knew that the old man wouldn’t take his eyes off this town until he managed to pull off a successful score. 

He was falling victim to his own insanity, and Arthur had no other choice but to try and pull him away from the edge. It was one hell of a risky move to make, but he decided it’d be worth it.

Arthur let out a remorseful breath and lowered his head, almost whispering his next words.

“...You’re losin’ yourself, Dutch.” He said vehemently. “I can see it everyday. More and more of the old you is just... vanishing.”

The older outlaw appeared taken aback by the abrupt notion and narrowed his eyes, almost looking offended.

“Losing myself?” He replied, his voice dangerously calm. “...How so?”

Arthur gestured vaguely at the room around them. “Look at what we’re doing, Dutch. How many men have we lost just tryin’ to reach Blackwater? Not to mention actually stealing from it. Our gang is dyin’ out here. This area’s too dangerous for the likes of us, and yet... we won’t leave. You won’t leave. The Dutch I know would’ve packed his bags long ago.”

The other man fell silent at that and tightened his lips, making an expression that said Arthur had just crossed the line.

“You think I’m losin’ myself.” Dutch parroted once again, his tone completely flat. “You think... I’m... losing. Myself.”

He took a few steps away from Arthur and began pacing around the room, chuckling to himself in a heartbroken manner.

“...Hosea is dead, Arthur,” Dutch stated, sounding more feral with every passing second. “John is a traitor. My health is deteriorating, we have the law on our tail, and now, the only son I have left thinks I’ve gone crazy--”

The tyrannical man brought his gaze back to Arthur, his eyes wide open with madness.

“Of course, I’m losing myself, Arthur! Wouldn’t you? This world... has gone to shit! Civilization has no room for folk like us, and even within our own world of murderers, thieves, and rapists -- we are still tearing ourselves apart! I have sacrificed everything to keep this gang afloat, even when we went through hell! You are my family, Arthur. You, Hosea, John, Miss Grimshaw... you were all my family. But just like the rest of them, you’re startin’ to lose faith in me too!”

Dutch pulled his revolver out, blatantly aiming the weapon at Arthur.

“Are you gonna leave me, Arthur? You gonna turn your back on me and leave me to the goddamn wolves, just like the rest of them? Are you a snake?”

Arthur held his hands up, absolutely bewildered by Dutch’s deranged response.

“What? No! I’m right here, Dutch. I ain’t gonna leave you.”

“That’s what they all said,” the older man dismissed, evidently unconvinced. “That’s what they all tried to tell me. But when it really mattered, they all--”

Coming to an abrupt halt, Dutch’s words were cut off when he was suddenly struck by a coughing fit, causing him to drop his gun as his entire body heaved uncontrollably.

“Dutch!” Arthur exclaimed out of concern, rushing over to him.

The man continued to cough aggressively and hurriedly searched for his chair, desperately wanting to sit down as he leaned on Arthur for support.

“Easy, Dutch...” he comforted, helping the man into his seat. “Just... take it easy.”

Setting Dutch down, Arthur kept a firm grip on him until he was sure he wouldn’t keel over and stood patiently at his side, waiting until the man’s coughing fit calmed down.

“You okay there, old man?” He asked. Dutch coughed a few more times, eventually hacking up some blood before spitting it on the floor.

Arthur eyed the blood with a worried glance, trying to hide how frightened he truly was about the man’s health.

“Jesus...” he murmured. “Dutch, I’m sorry--”

“--Don’t.” The other man interrupted, wiping his mouth clean. “I don’t want no pity.”

Finally back to his normal state, Dutch let out a deep sigh and leaned back in his chair, clearly worn out from the havoc his own body just put him through. His skin was much paler now, and just by listening to the shaky rhythm of his breath, Arthur could tell he was getting weaker and weaker by the minute. 

It wouldn’t be that long now before he was at Hosea’s side again. The only doctor who could’ve possibly given Dutch some sort of treatment was all the way in Blackwater, and even if they somehow managed to sneak him past all the law, Arthur doubted there was anything they could do to save him.

Dutch’s life was quite literally slipping out of his grasp these days, and much like everything else they had lost in the past few years, there was no way they could get it back. 

Even with Arthur at his side.

“...R’you gonna be okay, Dutch?” Morgan asked solemnly, despite the obvious answer.

The outlaw shook his head, throwing a glare at him. “What d’you think?”

Arthur’s shoulders slouched in despondency. “I know, I know. Stupid question. I just...”

He cleared his throat, deciding to drop the subject. “...Never mind. Forget I said anything. Just... take care of yourself, alright? None of us wanna see you go too soon.”

Dutch nodded in response, admittedly curious about what Arthur was going to say.

“I’ll try, son.” He reassured, his voice much softer now. “You know me. I was born to be an outlaw. All the way to the end. And I intend to go out like one.”

~~~~~~~~~~

ONE HOUR LATER

BLACKWATER SALOON

Humming quietly to himself, Isaac relaxed on the edge of his bed as he gently cleaned the Springfield rifle in his grasp, preparing for the storm ahead. It had taken him nearly three months to get to where he was now, but after all the traveling and searching and questioning... he was finally close to reaching the Van der Linde gang. And to killing Shay Mackintosh.

It was strange, Isaac found, to think about everything he had been through these past fifteen years. At the start of this hurricane, he was nothing more than a boy merely trying to survive with the men who killed his mother, but now... he was the one delivering them to Hell’s gate.

He knew it probably meant nothing to the people around him -- and some might’ve even considered him crazy for pursuing revenge for so long, but ever since Eliza’s death -- Isaac had had this sense of hatred burning inside him that he just... couldn’t let go.

It was always there. No matter what he did. Even when he smiled, or laughed, or cried... he could feel it growing within him like a parasite.

There were some days when Isaac managed to go from dawn to dusk without a single thought of what happened to him, but late at night, when he’d delve into his dreams, the same nightmare would come back every single time to haunt him, and he’d see her face again. Hear her final words. Her final breath. And the next morning... he’d have a gun in his hand, ready to hunt down the men responsible for her suffering.

It was agonizing sometimes, to deal with such a unique rage. Isaac wanted nothing more than to settle down somewhere and live a normal life, but every time his memories reminded him of the horrific murder, he’d feel the same hatred growing inside him again and set out on his journey for vengeance, craving the blood of those who wronged him.

Perhaps that made him a monster in some people’s eyes. Isaac recalled Minister Swanson mentioning that he saw something darker in the boy’s heart, but to him, this was the only path that made sense.

There was no justice out in the Wild West, after all. You were either the victim, or the victor. If Isaac didn’t go after Mackintosh himself, Lord knew that no one else would. And on top of that, he figured his mother deserved to rest in peace after fifteen years of watching her killers wander freely.

It was what Eliza would’ve wanted, Isaac imagined, and he wasn’t going to forget it.

Sighing in discontent, Isaac set the rifle down and stared aimlessly at the window in front of him, admittedly feeling somewhat torn about these upcoming weeks.

What was he going to do when he found Mackintosh? What was he going to say? Would the man even recognize him after all these years? Would Isaac recognize Shay?

Well, whatever happened, one thing was clear. Mackintosh had to die. However or whenever that came to be, Isaac didn’t care. The only thing that concerned him was landing the killing blow.

Mackintosh was the one who pulled the trigger when Eliza died, so Isaac only deemed it fitting that he’d be the one bring it into a full circle.

He may’ve not had any family left, but by God was he going to avenge them.

Interrupting Isaac’s thoughts, a knock suddenly came from the door and averted the young man’s attention, causing him to stand up from the bed.

“Just a moment!” He called out, quickly slipping into his coat before striding to the entrance.

Swinging the door open, Isaac found himself face-to-face with a rugged-looking man. He had graying blond hair, a horseshoe mustache, cold-blue eyes, and a special kind of demeanor to him that shouted “degenerate.”

The visitor threw a casual wave at him, clearly not realizing what sort of impression he gave off.

“Hey there, cowpoke,” he greeted, his tone oozing with connivance. “...Mind if we talk for a minute?”

Isaac subtly kept a hand on his pistol, trying to conceal his mistrust. “That depends. Who are you? What d’you want?”

The man chuckled. “Suspicious one, ain’t you? Have no fear...” he held his hands up, “I ain’t here for that. In fact, I’m here to help you.”

That didn’t make Isaac feel any better. “That so? Well then, why don’t you answer my first question? Who are you?”

He placed an introductory hand on his chest. “Relax, princess. The name’s Micah. As for what I want, well... I couldn’t help but overhear your conversations with some of the folk downstairs, and it sounds to me like you’re lookin’ for the Van der Linde gang. Am I right?”

Isaac nodded slowly. “...Yeah. Why? You have information on them?”

Micah smirked. “More than you think. And I’m willin’ to share some of it...” He held up a finger. “For a price, of course.”

The young man wasn’t even surprised. “Of course. And how much are you willing to share?”

Micah shrugged. “That depends on how much you’re paying. Information like this don’t come cheap, boy. If you want somethin’ good, you’ll have to pay good money.”

Isaac was still hesitant to accept the deal. “Makes sense, but how do I know your information’s legitimate? Anyone can claim they know about the Van der Linde gang.”

The outlaw grinned and crossed his arms. “Aren’t you a smart cookie. Well... what if I told you I was one of them?”

The boy froze, uncertain of whether he should take the man seriously. “...You’re just pullin’ my leg now. Why the hell would a Van der Linde talk to me if they knew I was lookin’ for them? How does this benefit you?”

Micah sighed in a melodramatic tone. “It pains me to say it, but our current leader, Dutch van der Linde... let’s just say he ain’t doin’ too good.”

“Speak plainly,” Isaac said. “What d’you mean?”

“He’s ill.” Micah explained. “With what, we don’t know. But he’s withering away with each passing day, and it don’t look like there’s much chance of him getting better. Thing is, though...” he leaned on the doorframe, “he has yet to clarify who’s gonna take his place once he’s gone. And at the moment, he’s got two people in mind. One of ‘em being me.”

It didn’t take long for Isaac to catch on. “So, you want me to get rid of your competition?”

Micah shook his head. “Not yet. First, I wanna see what you’re capable of. I’ll give you the information you need, see if you actually manage to find us, and then I’ll know whether you’re just some yellow-bellied pretty boy, or if you really know how to handle that rifle. Then, we can move on to... other business.”

Isaac considered the offer, admittedly still somewhat hesitant to do business with this man.

As strange as it may’ve seemed, Micah actually sounded like he was being genuine. He spoke about the Van der Lindes as if he actually knew them, and his information had been pretty specific so far. 

The only part that confused Isaac was why he would be so willing to endanger his fellow gang members. It was widely-known that outlaws weren’t the type to practice camaraderie -- Isaac had seen that for himself -- but even this was a new low.

Still, it wasn’t his concern what the Van der Lindes were up to. As long as Micah’s information got him closer to Mackintosh, nothing else truly mattered.

“...Alright,” Isaac finally agreed. “I’ll buy your information, Micah.”

The outlaw smiled slyly. “Glad to hear it. How much you paying?”

The young man quickly thought of an offer. “...Fifteen bucks.”

Micah looked impressed. “Good, but not good enough. How’s about we bump it up to twenty?”

“Seventeen.”

“Eighteen.”

Isaac settled with that. “Done.”

Micah shook his hand, a little too happy about where this was going. 

“Pleasure doin’ business with you, mister. I promise... you won’t regret this.”

[lordeasriel]

I really care about your opinion, how do you feel about the bbc show and the way it's going?

I feel like before I give my take, I need to say that I understand the show is its own thing, and while I do wish they did a better job adapting certain things, I understand that sometimes there is a need for radical change or cut, especially when your budget is not super high (which HDM does have a lot of money into it, still is not a super big budget production, so they have to worry about these things). And I do enjoy many things about the show, but my overall vibe is mixed, to be honest. I’m stating this now because people often question whether I like the show or not, becaus I do criticise it a lot, and I simply have a critic view of the things I like, which is why I discuss them a lot and it can be overwhelming.

My main issues with the show are these 3 things: (which I’ll put under the cut because this got a bit longer than I wanted to lmao sorry)

Lack of worldbuilding and loose lore: I’ve been talking about this since day one, and this mostly applies to season 1 because I can’t judge season 2 yet because it’s not fully aired yet, but the show suffers from lack of worldbuilding, especially in Lyra’s world, which is the world that sets everything in motion. I still dislike the fact they introduced Will mid-NL, I don’t think he needed all those episodes to establish something that easily could’ve been done in S2 and because they gave TSK a lot of time, other parts of Lyra’s world suffered considerably, mainly the witches and the Magisterium.

The show doesn’t really expand on those two groups, especially, and I think that’s not good, especially the Magisterium (which they have over simplified by making it one big baddie, or so it seems at least, not to mention that implying a single leader for them practically ruins Marcel Delamare’s arc in TBOD and I’m very mad about that lmao). A lot of the Magisterium plot has that infighting aspect, which creates tension on their side as well as against their enemies, but the show doesn’t really explore that or the nuances of the Church, and they also don’t explore how varied the witches are, and I feel like this is a serious mistake. (The portrayal of the witches is by far my least favourite thing in the show, if I’m being honest).

Dull parallel world (and lack of daemons): this ties a bit with the worldbuilding aspect, but this is mainly about design choices. I think the show doesn’t make Lyra’s world as unique as it should be. On its own the world looks pretty and the outfits of most of the cast are great, but when you realise that Will’s world is intertwined with that, you don’t really feel like these two worlds are vastly different.

There is an odd situation in which Marisa’s fashion feels 30s/40s, but most of the men from her social circle (not fair to compare with the gyptians) just wear plain suits and they look much more modern. And while I get that they went for a timeless vibes, with different eras and styles, Lyra’s world feels like a caricature and it doesn’t feel believable. The colour palette is mostly the same for both worlds (even in s2, it’s hard to tell much of the difference because either the scenes are indoors or at night.) This, paired with the lack of daemons (which has been discussed many times in the fandom) kinda bums me out.

Marisa’s oversimplification: I’m mentioning Marisa, specifically, because she is the one that suffers the most due to this writing issues, but other characters like Lord Asriel, MacPhail, the general collective of the Witches, they all suffer from the writing trying to take away the nuances of them and make them flatter than in the book. Marisa is the worst because without her complexity and her flaws, she simply gets dull and boring and flavourless, and it’s kinda what has been happening in the show in my opinion. All she does is weep and she has no strength that doesn’t rely on a random fit of rage that dies out and she gets upset. There’s some great moments, like when she mimics the Monkey, but most of the time she’s just a shadow of who she is supposed to be.

The show tries really hard to make her a Scorned Mother - right from the get go, they try to makes us see how she wants Lyra, how she struggles with her “bad nature” and how that affects their relationship. There is this lingering implication that Lyra was taken from her against her wishes; they make it seem like being a mother to Lyra is her driving force, the only reason why she seeks power and influence. And that is the opposite of Book! Marisa, who is a force of nature, ruthless and ambitious, with not an ounce of maternal instinct.

She does eventually decide to help Lyra, instead of harming her, but even that action comes from a narcisistic place: Lyra is to her a possession, something that belongs to her, and that she wants to preserve. The show just handles her badly, falling into overused, boring tropes that struck far from the book version.

These are usually my main complaints about the show, and they upset me every episode to the point I’m practically ignoring them now lmao The show does a lot of good things too, making Will less of a prick, restoring Lyra’s personality from the first book into S2 Lyra (so far, please keep it that way), Mary is looking great too. They have mostly a great cast, and they did improve the daemons this season (except uh, there are far less daemons to show because of the other worlds - and the Ruta Skadi daemon change pisses me off tbh).

They do have a lot of interest in the show, but the writing (the main issue to me) feels clunky and childish, with the show toning down most of the themes that make His Dark Materials so special, especially to me (which frankly I expected them to do, but it still stings a bit). They make the Magisterium a single bad entity that feels more Authoritarian-Fascist, than a theocracy (even if they sneak in the religious symbols and rituals and garments, it’s just not a good portrayal, it’s very tame and shy); and they try to justify Marisa’s actions (especially in current interviews, there’s lots of talk about how her background will play in the show to “explain why she is the way she is”). The fact the Magisterium is portrayed as pure evil makes it looks less familiar than it should be, and therefore they don’t look scary, they seem like a caricature, a joke.

A lot of the essence of the characters get lost, and the core message of the story too, like when Iorek and the Gyptians tell Lyra she can be one of them, to support her lack of “proper family”, when that is the opposite of the books message. It doesn’t make sense for them to change that, other than maybe Jack Thorne wanted to because it makes the story feels less hopeless, but it’s why he fails to adapt these character - he doesn’t capture the essence, he tries to write these character with gaps in them.

However, the thing that annoys me the most is how they portray Asriel. It’s just... it’s bad. Really bad, which is a shame cause James is talented as fuck, but he had little time to film for season 1, and then they portrayed him very poorly. That scene when he addresses Roger in episode 7 is ridiculous, Asriel would never behave that way; there was relief in him finding Roger was there too, yes, but not to that extent and not in such a cringe way. Asriel is not deranged or irrational, he is a man on a mission, and Roger was a tool (there is no pleasure in Asriel taking his life and no excuses - it needed to be done and he did it); they just needed him to sound creepy in the show for whatever reason.

I hated how they handled the bridge scene for Asriel, Lyra and Marisa, but that’s long and complicated for me to explain here. In S2, there has been some mentions of him so far, including the implication he might have ruined Cittàgazze himself and I frankly don’t understand where did they get that idea. But the cherry on the top was Thorold telling Marisa that Asriel was gonna kill Lyra and that’s just-- that’s so dumb. That’s genuinely dumb writing, because Thorold knows Lyra followed Asriel to the mountain, and while I do believe Asriel would have killed Lyra if Roger wasn’t there, there is no way Thorold should know or consider that Asriel was gonna hurt Lyra, because Roger was there. In fact, Thorold’s interactions with Asriel in episode 8 already disprove this, so either Thorold was lying in S2 for the sake of, I don’t know, chaos or whatever, or the person who wrote this was a five-star, solid gold, fucking moron.

I’m not gonna mention the lost episode because that was no one’s fault, but the fact that they discarded an episode that all information we have on imply that it was important to set up the backstory of the angels and the city, it’s... concerning. It means they wrote something parallel that should’ve been woven into the season.

The truth is, I still watch the show on Sundays, and I still like some stuff they do (especially Mary’s stuff, so far), and despite me slandering the show per your request anon lol (cause unfortunately my honest opinion is mixed, I just don’t try to overfocus on the negative on Tumblr, I mostly talk about it on discord or private), I do think anyone who has read the books should watch the show.

For me, personally, everything I love about HDM is barely on the show - complex characters, the philosophy, the oppression by religion, the interesting world - and the vibe I get is that they’re adapting a coming-of-age love story, which is the last and - being fully honest - the least important message these books give us, but unfortunately they were set to making a family show from the start, and my expectations were high and unmatched, and a family is what we’re getting: toned down, cute, pretty visuals and soulless (heh, pun intended), philosophically speaking. I expect a certain pattern going into S3, but I always like to hold out hope that they will hire better writers (apparently Jack Thorne already wrote 4 scripts, so there you go lmao), and try to give HDM the adaptation it deserves. The truth is, if you’re a picky, canon reliant person like I am, the show might be a struggle, but if you just like the story for the teen romance, or if you don’t care about overthinking a show/book, then most people can have a good time with it.

[tessasocs]

Timeline #1 + Nymeria Martell

the timeline in which they live an ideal life, had no opportunities taken from them, were subjected to nothing terrible, where they grew up to fulfill their full potential.

OH shit. This is gonna be major AU real fast. Also this is 100% wish-fulfillment so don’t come for me.

So first things first, after Rhaegar married Lyanna in secret and annulled Elia, She found out and took Rhaenys and Aegon back to Dorne to raise them as Martells instead of Targaryens.

Robert’s Rebellion still happens with one notable exception: Arthur doesn’t die at the Tower of Joy. 

So instead he’s released from the Kingsguard by Robert and marries Elia to raise Nymeria at Sunspear alongside Rhaenys (who is masquerading as a Sand Snake). 

Eventually, he’s forced across the narrow sea to protect Aegon BUT he’s alive. 

Nymeria Dayne grows up loved by her mother and visited by her father and half-brother every now and then. She has a sister in Rhaenys and a friend in Arianne and there’s no Dorne plot. 

Doran is still ambitious though, so he decides to send Nymeria to be the official Dornish ambassador to the crown a few months before the start of the series while Arianne is prepping to rule Dorne.

Rhaenys also gets sent with her (because Doran is a poor schemer y’all!)

So Nymeria and Rhae actually have several spies at court and their own plans set in motion before Jon Arryn dies and Ned Stark comes down to Winterfell. 

Rhaenys heads to Winterfell instead of Nymeria, who stays in King’s Landing setting up dominos to fall for when Ned Stark arrives in the capital. 

Things largely stay the same as they did in AGOT except Nymeria spirits Sansa and Arya away to Dorne, not staying around to face the consequences of Ned’s death. And because this is before Myrcella is sent away, it makes things a lot easier.

Elia takes to Sansa and Arya so easily and starts giving them all the love they deserve. Doran decides to send them back to Winterfell as a gesture of goodwill and allyship, which ultimately convinces Catelyn and Robb to agree to the wedding proposal to Rhaenys.

The whole Targaryen restoration plot happens so much sooner than it does in canon. Because at this point, Daenerys has dragons, and Aegon and Arthur have managed to get her on their side (i’m thinking sometime after Drogo’s death but before Qarth so no House of the Undying)

At this point, Dorne has a ton of chess pieces in place. A) Rhaenys in the North, B) Aegon and Daenerys across the Narrow Sea, C) The Sand Snakes causing chaos in King’s Landing, and D) Nymeria and Arianne rallying Dorne to their cause. 

So I’m thinking, end of season 2, Aegon arrives in Dorne and marries Arianne while Rhaenys marries Robb, thus giving Robb 10X more men so Red Wedding doesn’t happen. 

Daenerys, Arthur, and Jorah march on Dragonstone after Stannis’ fleet has been decimated by Blackwater mid to late season 3 and take it back. 

The Tyrells, sensing the winning side, abandon the Lannisters at the very last second.

Idk what happens to Cersei, Jaime, and Tywin at this point. I picture Aegon giving Tyrion Casterly Rock just to spite Tywin and imprisoning Cersei and Jaime. Joffery gets executed Ned Stark style. 

Oberyn gets a spot as Hand of the King (because while I love Rhaenys as Queen, Westeros ain’t that woke), Nymeria is named Master of War, and the North gets the independence they were promised. 

But uh-oh, more issues arise. Daenerys isn’t happy being sidelined (as we expected) and to be honest neither is Rhae so Dance of Dragons 2.0???

There’s some infighting, possible assassinations, and a ton of politicking and eventually, Nymeria finds herself fighting AGAINST Rhaenys which is no bueno.

Throughout all this mess, Jon is voted Lord Commander and appeals to the crown for help with the White Walkers. Aegon lets Nymeria deal with him and THAT’s how they meet.

And I don’t know what would happen after all that because this is already too out of touch with reality so just assume everyone lived happily ever after.

a slightly altered timeline meme

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Off Day: Twenty

At a day past your due date on Christmas Eve, you’re miserable. The only blessing is that at least, it’s cold and you aren’t sweating. Bucky, god love him, had tried. And tried, and tried a few more times to put you in labor. No dice. Your little one, was, apparently as stubborn as both of their parents.

Bucky tried to be patient, waiting for you to get ready. Jack and Judy had just been by to drop off presents for all of you. They were getting out of town for a few days, reassuring you that they were just fine and that they wouldn’t be missed at the hospital. “Baby,” Judy said kissing your forehead, “It’ll be okay. You’re gonna have so many people in there trying to hold the baby you’ll want to start throwing people out.” She’d laughed and hugged you gently before pulling away to pet your belly, “They’ll still be all wrinkly when we get back.” Jack kissed your head and informed Bucky he had money on him fainting before making him promise he’d take the best care of you.

Bucky glanced at the clock and texted his mom to let her know you’d be late, reassuring her that everything was fine, you were just moving a little slow before going up to check on you. 

“Baby?” he called, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, stretching your back trying to ease a cramp, “I’m almost ready. I just need help with my boots.”

Bucky smiled softly and crossed the floor to kneel in front of you, taking a moment to rub your feet gently. The swelling never really seemed to go all the way down anymore and walking usually hurt no matter what shoes you wore. You sigh in relief at the touch and he rests his forehead on your belly lovingly, “I can do that, Beautiful,” he hummed, “And when we get home tonight we’ll try and see if we can’t put you in labor.” He kissed the swell and chuckled, “I’m getting impatient. He kisses the little hand that pushes outward, nuzzling softly then help you into your boots carefully. That done, he helps you into your coat and down the stairs cautiously. In the back of his mind, he makes a note to keep an eye on your back pain. And makes a note to text Nat to make sure there’s hot chocolate for you. He’s thankful that you’d put your foot down and said you’d make the rounds on Christmas eve, but Christmas day you wanted to stay home. You wanted it to be restful. Or at the very least you wanted to be home and comfortable and just be cuddled within an inch of your life. You looked so tired Bucky almost want to just call everyone and say you weren’t coming then put you back to bed.

Still. His mom and sisters are excited to see you. His mom gives Bucky a few quiet, very helpful pieces of advice he can use when he gets you home from the hospital, and his sisters, bless them, make you open all the onsies they bought and wrapped individually. Saying goodbye takes forever as the girls won’t stop petting your tummy. They’re very, very excited. Especially now that they know you’re going to be bringing the baby with you to work, at least while they’re small and portable. By the time you do leave, it’s snowing harder and Bucky makes sure to steady you on the slick spots. Partly to be able to touch you but mostly because, at this point, not being able to see your feet and hurting that bad makes falling a very real possibility. And a dangerous one. He’d scared himself really early on. Looking up everything that could possibly go wrong. All the ways you could lose the baby that you had no control over. It had made him very careful. Following doctor’s orders to the letter and making sure you had everything you could ever need or want. At least, he reflected with a soft smile, he’d gotten his freaking out, out early. As anxious as he was for the birth, nothing could compare to the long hours he spent scaring himself to death late at night when he’d had nightmares and couldn’t go back to sleep. He helped you up like always, taking a second to kiss your belly. “How’s your back feel?” he hummed.

“Not any worse, but no better,” you sigh.

“Consistent pain or does it come and go?” 

“Constant,” you murmur, squirming, trying to get comfortable.

Bucky frowns, “Well darlin’,” he murmurs, “What do you want to do? Do you want to go to the hospital? Home? Or finish our rounds then do one of those things?”

“We’ll finish everything up,” you tell him, kissing him softly, “I really want tomorrow to ourselves. I’m just about at my wits end with people.”

Bucky chuckles, “I know, baby. It’s okay. Just let me know if anything changes okay? We’ll go straight to the hospital if it gets any worse. Any change, okay? I know they said at your appointment today you were probably gonna have to be induced but still.”

“Bucky, we’re okay,” you tell him, stealing a kiss, “Let's just get this done, okay?”

“As you wish, Princess,” he chuckles, going to get into the driver’s seat. 

Bucky is usually a careful driver when he has a passenger but right now, he drives like a little old lady, a fact that’s fun to tease him about.

“Gotta keep my precious cargo safe,” he answers, unruffled. Turning his head and grinning at you for a moment before reaching over to rest his hand on your stomach. It also gave him a second to glance over his shoulder. He was pretty sure he was being followed. There was a black truck that had been following him for the last few miles. He didn’t like it. He just didn’t want you to know about it. You didn’t need the stress. As much as he wanted you to go into labor, he really didn’t want your water to break on the front seat of his truck. He could see them speeding up and braced himself. Ready to try and keep himself on the road and keep you safe. Several things, in the moment before impact popped into his head. One was that he was gonna need an ambulance. Two was that he had to get a message to his gang. He was gonna need backup. And a medic to see to you until the ambulance got there. So he messaged Nat and trusted that she’d get them all moving.

The second was that you were going to be terrified. “Baby,” he said calmly, “Just trust me, okay? Rumlow has guys behind us. I can protect you but I don’t want you to look.”

You don’t get a chance to answer. The black truck behind you slams directly into your side of the truck and Bucky has about a quarter of a second to control the slide down the embankment. He cuts the engine and takes, quick stock, kissing you softly and throwing his jacket over you to protect you from the shattering glass as a bullet hits the back window, “I love you,” he said, pulling his pistol out of the glove box. He needs to call 911 but there’s no time. You could be hurt. The baby could be hurt. But first he had to get the three of you out of this mess.

He’s never been so happy to hear Clint’s loud ass truck or Steve yelling orders. He returns fire and tries not to worry about what you’re gonna think about him. He just wants you safe, anything else he can worry about after you’ve been checked out. The bullet that hits his shoulder makes him cry out and you whimper, too scared to make any other sound. 

Nat sneaks around and slides down the embankment, opening the door and sliding in with you, “Hey,” she murmurs, “It’ll be okay. We have cops on the way, okay? The ambulance is gonna take a minute because of the roads. Lots of wrecks today.

“Bucky-” you pant looking towards him and Nat grabs your chin gently. “Don’t look,” she said softly, “Contractions?”

“I think so,” you pant as she takes your hand, now very aware that she’s kneeling in a puddle. She whistled softly and smiled, “Jesus this little one had good timing. Just hang on sweetheart. Okay? Help’s coming.”

Outside, bullets are still flying and lights are flashing as cops take over, assessing the situation and listen carefully to Steve saying that Bucky’s been shot and there’s a woman currently in labor. Sam gets Bucky stable and has Nat help you to the back seat of Bucky’s truck so you can lie down. “Sorry, babe,” he says, “I gotta know what’s going on, I don’t think we have much time before I’m gonna have to play catcher.”

You nod and cry out making Bucky’s heart race as he rubs your shoulders, trying to give you what comfort he can. Sam is as gentle as he can be as he takes a look between your legs and whistled softly, “Shit, baby girl we really don’t have time. This baby is coming like now. Guess they wanted to know what was going on out here.” You whimper and Bucky takes your hand, taking a towel and some hand sanitizer from a cop, gently but Firmly telling them he had it under control when the cop that tried to help went pale.

“Y/N, on the count of three I need you to push, okay?”

“I can’t,” you whimper, scared and in pain.

“Yes you can,” Bucky encouraged, lacing his fingers through yours, “C’mon princess. Push,” he said when Sam counted down. 

It doesn’t take long for the baby to slide into Sam’s waiting hands and a moment after that for that first cry to be the sweetest sound Bucky had ever heard.

“It’s a girl,” Sam said laughing, bundling her into the towel quickly to protect her against the chill. 

Paramedics take over then, hustling to get all three of you taken care of. Bucky lets them take the bullet out but won’t be moved from your side, not until he knows his girls are safe and everything is okay. He kisses you tenderly and wipes away tears as someone hands you the baby, “She’s beautiful,” he murmurs, “Just like her ma.”

“How’s your shoulder?” you ask, worried.

“It’s fine,” he soothes, “It’s all fine. It’s just gonna hurt like a bitch for a while.” He kisses your head and lets them load you and the baby into an ambulance to be checked out and declines one himself, letting Steve drive. He felt a strange sense of peace watching Rumlow and his heavy hitters getting loaded into body bags. He knew that they’d be back in some form but for now, the infighting and general chaos would render them mostly useless. You were safe. And that was all he cared about. You were safe and he had a daughter. A healthy baby girl was waiting for him to get cleaned up so he could hold her and he couldn’t wait to say hello.

“What’d you name the baby?” Clint asked waiting to catch him in case he lost his footing on the step into Steve’s jeep.

“Kaitlyn,” he said smiling a little, “Kaitlyn Angelea.”

Nat smiled, “Not Noel? Lame,” she groused, “At least her middle name would have a good story.”

“Nat,” Sam laughed, “How many fucking babies born today were born in the middle of a shoot out?”

Bucky looked at Steve, “Can you take me to see my girls please?”

“Our girls,” Steve corrected, laughing, “Sorry, Buck. You’ve got to share.”

“Fine,” he sighed, “At least I get primary custody.”

Tags: @lancsnerd @etherealwaifgoddess @blameitonthecauseway @thorfanficwriter @wellfucksorrymum

[angel-archivist]

I WOOOOULD!!!

ALRIGHT i'm still working on the overall summary of the story but i have the plot written: 

unrest as hades as the god himself has gone  missing, the smaller gods and daemons are thrown into chaos unsure of who is and isn't incharge. infighting occurs and the souls of the damned, the souls of the heroes and the souls of regular mortals are thrown about. Even more bullshit occurs when the god of deception, trickery, guile and treachery swoops in and takes over the underworld. WIth hades missing described as one of the more level headed and stern gods, a lot of the minor gods begin to whisper and wonder if the same could be done to some of the larger gods creating even more tension. While up above,  eli a child of demeter was informed and chosen by his mother to do something about the situation. (demeter doesn't particularly like hades but given the state his disappearance has put her daughter in she's decided she should PROBABLY do something about it) Most of the larger gods are impartial about the dealings in the underworld until it begins to affect them they don't really give a shit, except for apollo who for some reason decided maybe he should give a shit about his uncles disappearance and was also looking to get into the good graces of his father again who although not entirely distressed would probably be a little less stressed if his brother was back in power. While dolos knowing that eventually the gods would get tired of his bs starts to do his best to go around hades and collect the souls of some of the worst of the worst damned down there, knowing they too would want to keep hades away from the underworld, while eli a small good of demigods including his close friends, ryan and sidney and his boyfriend at the time Atticus (who later joins dolos, around the time his father apollo shows up offering to help them search for hades) Demeter informed eli that hades 'soul' if you could call it that had been split and scattered, bits of him were in different locations each of them were a bit of memory they would still need to find the 'mortal' hades.  Atticus feeling bitter and unwanted, seemingly useless compared to the other too seeks out dolos and agrees to help him keep them away from a specific part of hades 'soul/memory' Dominic, not the mortal hades they were supposed to be looking for but the son of hades, who unknowingly carried a bit of hades within a ring They became close friends and soon thye seemed inseparable year goes by and eli is slowly driving himself insane searching fruitless for the parts of hades, having not found any of them suddenly him and his group stumbleupon domonic who having wandered away from atticus and had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting a hydra scared out of his mind he swings at the beast causing one of the heads to rot away.  but of course 7 heads grow back terrified about what he just did an also u knowthe- funking hydrahe starts to run and runs into eli who had been searching for the 'seeds of hades' i guess bc there gonna be pomegranate seeds eli: recently rediscovered the compass his mother had given him at the beginning of the quest but unsure of what it was had left it in his room, only to find when he returned it was going crazy he grabbed ryan and sidney and started following is the compass lead them directly to domenic and eli quickly acts and strikes the hydra with a heated sword sealing the wound immediately after it had been striked then stabbed it through the body domonic: is currently freaking the fuck out eli: the compass stopped going crazy and just calmly pointed at domonic and eli gets frustrated as hell and throws the compass down and storms off ryan and sidney: go to the same school as dom so it's a big wtf moment for everyone they quickly explain what's happening and eli comes back more composed, he apologies for his outburst and give a more thorough explanation of what's happening having cooled off and realizing that domonic is most likely a demigod they take him back to their little 'base' which is just an abandoned mall. Domonic gets introduced to some of the other half bloods, Aegle, phillip, and ari. So that's basically the setup of the book i have a master list of all the characters and their godly parents and ages along with a master list of the gods that appear and the monsters that i have planned that i want to appear. I lowkey did a lot of research for this difdigg bc i love greek mythology and shit and bc u know percy jackson is like a larger franchise i wanted to make sure it wasn't like a ‘copycat’ of it and instead had its own differences that just kind of made it its own modern day greek tale and not another percy jackson.

(if you wanna see the character list and all the lists i can make a seperate post this one is just so long and i dont know if anyone will actually read it anyway )