#Gets me fired up to finish the fic!
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hi, I don't use tumblr often, but i when i do, i always check your account to check if you posted something. LIAB is amazing. i truly have no words. i have read a LOT of fanfics from very different fandoms and i can confidently say that Leaving It All Behind is the best one i have ever read. the world you've built around the main characters is so deep, and realistic. even though benders are not real, it feels like i'm reading about true events. you describe the horrors of war and trauma so well. i'm actually very, very impressed. i happen to be a person that suffers from ptsd and other mental illnesses and and the way you portray traumatized characters is very realistic. i know you always say that the main characters' recovery is unrealistically fast, but don't worry about that. the way you describe zuko and sokka's feelings is perfect. their recovery doesn't seem rushed. it just looks like they're adapting and learning how to deal with it fast (we have to remember that the war is still very much happening and sadly they don't have a lot of time to deal with everything that happened to them). i'm so grateful i found your work. it's truly amazing, i hope you won't give up on writing when you finish the LIAB trilogy. have a good day/night
AWWWW OMG THANK YOU <3
seriously this was so kind I’m still in shock. I’m so happy you think the healing arc is realistic because I try to balance the stories pace with the characters struggles and emotions (some of them make it DIFFICULT haha) but I’m always worried it doesn’t translate well.
I have a lot of fun writing LIAB & I’m really glad you like it so much. I hope I continue to make you proud & thank you so much for this amazing ask you made my day <3
#This is so validating you have no idea ahhhh#I have read so many fics where the chatacter (zuko lol) has gone through extreme trauma or torture and he gets rescued or escapes#& then it’s like after a quick patch up job he is essentially back to normal#Which… no. lol. I can’t do it!#Trauma follows a person whether they like it or not & everyone copes differently to it#So even with zuko and sokka going through so much they’ll both handle their trauma completely different#I try to show that lol so I’m glad you like it#I am totally worried about the upcoming battle though#Cause shits about to get really rough#But we are in a fun arc right now (as fun as liab can be it’s a fic about children fighting a war so idk… I’d say 25% fun 75% angst)#So we have a few more fun chapters idk 4/5 and then we are on the home stretch#Idk what I’ll do when it’s over this has been so much fun and I’m so sad it’ll come to an end this year#But thanks again for this amazing ask#Its comments and asks like this that pets the head and makes me feel like a good author lol#Gets me fired up to finish the fic!#Wohoooo thank you !!!#Deansnoodle#Zukka#liab#ITF#RIA#ask#Leaving it all behind
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I am at 59k on this Ninjago fic i swear I'll finish it this month I will work on nothing else I am going to finish this--
#knox rambles#save me y'all every time i sit down to write the last big couple of scenes i end up adding a new unrelated scene instead#I've added like ten new scenes in different places and three new cameos from characters i wasn't going to write and i'm adding another scen#right now right this second I SWEAR I'M GONNA FINISH THIS SCREMS#I keep sending people my wordcount so y'all get to suffer knowing too#definitely splitting this into chapters because my gods#what am i even writing you ask? kai angst#well everyone angst thye all get angst but we're destroying kai right now#told my friend like 90% of the fic and realized i have three major plot points going at once#and they all play an important role to angsting the crap outta kai#only a little extremely confusing#okay i'm stalling i gotta get back to it#its so hard to write with my computer overheating i need to see if i can steal the laptop from my fam#Me: we certainly have been inactive on our blog by the time this is out people are gonna have it show up on their dashboards and go who dis#i KEEP GOING BACK TO RE-WRITE STUFF TO HGKSJLSDFJFKD#OKAY GOING GOING HOPE Y'ALL HAVE A STELLAR FIRE DAY
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I regret to inform everyone we're back in the white space. Expect the fire alarm to go off periodically in typical fashion of whenever it detects a steaming pile of garbage on the way. Like me! [i'll give a cookie to whoever recognizes where the sfx is from!!]
#hand jumper#sighs#projected second taeho gyeon tag on ao3.....#where did i go wrong#we're so joever guys#we're so joever...#mandatory plugin for the hand jumper discord server because i think the culprit wouldn't want to own up#or even has tumblr idk#but just know they're on my hitlist and i hate[/pos] them#also yes it's more cell 3#if i had to summarise think of it an evil version of the halloween fic#except even worse#honestly though if you're able to JOIN THE HJ DISCORD SERVEEEEEER#SOMEONE WAS COOKING FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!#it's like that one bromie on discord said if 3 guys came to the same conclusion at radically different intervals then maybe it's something!#or eveyone's on the same drug#BUT I CHOOSE TO BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE#and so in orderly fashion what do i do when i really wanna poke and prod at them more?#throw them in the torture nexus#granted it's not really a torture nexus because the bet is everytime cell three appears in a chapter i delete and start the draft over agai#it is.#but that's not my problem!!!#it's future me who'll fret over tuesday's episodes problem!!#also it puts it in a perpetual state of agony because if what if the day we say“i'll finish tomorrow p much done” is the day cell 3 shows u#ctrl+shift+del+seethe+mald+cope#also i'd say compared to finish in three days it's the most lenient artificial deadline ever#because either cell 3 or cell 3 mentor appears and i win by getting more food to improve the work#or i hand it in as is if they don't and shoot myself when they do after i just finished#also if you ever want to ask me to drop/drop the hj memes i made in the server just holler#because i forget to post here chronically!!!!!!!!
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this is a post scribbled angrily in glitter pen in my diary pls ignore <3
#this is so insecure and bullshit but like#sometimes writing fics is. no fun#bc you feel like you can't keep up with other writers just churning out fics and they're all so good and nuanced and better than yours#or bc you can't keep up with your own brain and all the ideas and you don't have the time to do them all justice#or bc you just can't get a spark of a conversation with other fans to catch fire the way you want to so you're just.#spinning wheels in your own head wishing you were better faster friendlier less alone#and let's not forget the fucking commodification of fandom#getting messages in your inbox only to find it's people harping for more content for a fandom on the back burner or a fic you've left behin#i love that you love my work like that but. it makes me feel like i'm at a family reunion and my aunt is asking me about the job i had#two jobs ago#and somehow you keep getting those messages even tho your current work is sparse on comments and reblogs#so you spend your slivers of free time writing something you hope is good for these characters you love only to feel like you're standing#alone in the street hawking a mediocre finished product and everyone is walking past you disinterested#it's fucking isolating. it's draining#you can only write “for yourself” so much before it's not worth the time and effort#obviously i will keep writing. but like. it's fucking frustrating. and i feel like a petulant child about it but i just can't shake it#anyway. here's wonderwall or whatever
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I was talking to someone about Scárthur and this is basically how I view them (I wanted to share) cause why not
My reason for shipping them was primarily because of their fathers, but I later thought about shipping them. I like to think that someone like Arthur, whose mind is constantly filled with revenge, would let loose around someone as calm as Scáthach. Also, they would help each other in battle, with one of them being a sword fighter and the other being a mage, they would cover each others weaknesses. They’re also older brothers, so they would understand the need to protect their younger sisters (tho they have very different dynamics with them). Scáthach would always remind Arthur to take care of himself, and Scáthach can even break from the facade of being mature to being silly with Arthur. They would balance each other out
I love my rarepair so much I need to write about them (I should finish that fic I was working on lol)
#yeyarants#fire emblem#fire emblem 4#fe4#jugdral#fire emblem genealogy of the holy war#genealogy of the holy war#Arthur fire emblem#Arthur fe4#scáthach#scáthach fire emblem#scáthach fe#ulster#ulster fire emblem#Scárthur#scárthur nation rise up#it’s me I’m the Scárthur nation#I NEED TO FINISH THE 30 DAY PROMPT CHALLENGE#I am not even halfway#ugh ignore me#just me ranting about my rarepair#*holds them gently in my hands* them…#I love them#I promise I will get that fic finished#…someday#slapping Scárthur content on my friends dash because I’m the only one that ships them#convert to them#am I making you ship them?#with my 10 posts about them?#i hope my mutuals see the appeal when I finish the fic and publish it
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Today's snippet is from Copper Fires Burning Bright, aka The Lost Prince fic:
“Stop thinking so hard.” Fox mumbles into his pillow, shifting slightly to be plastered against Quin’s chest. With how hot Fox runs, Quin tends toward sleeping shirtless when they’re together, the skin-to-skin contact simply blissful. “This bed is the best thing I’ve ever felt and I want to enjoy it.” Quin huffs a laugh and slings an arm over his waist, holding him close. “All right, baby.” He presses a kiss to his head, breathing him in and letting his eyes slip closed. He has no responsibilities until they reach Kiffu; he can sleep in if it means Fox is happy.
#chapter three should be up tomorrow after I finish proofreading it#chapter four is fighting me a little but I will prevail because chapter five is when Fox finally gets to show up#quinlan vos#commander fox#quinfox#series: copper fires burning bright#fic snippet
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Reading moodboard #84430940 (Patreon)
#Doodles#I wonder what this is in reference to lol - could be anything really!#Bit funny actually - I was reading something else in overlap at the time - a fic from another fandom though it ended up not being for me#Different authors just speak to different people! It was fun to come back to something familiar and realize Just how much I appreciate it ah#Novel and familiar! My very favourite <3 And of course it was a wonderful experience on top of that hehe ♪♫#Numbers lol - I really have done way too much age headcanon math pfft#I just love timelines! And even if the hints aren't exact they /are/ hints and I'm going to use them!!#The numbers that are established are such fun markers - and using characterization as hints towards how many years have passed! Ah! ♪#Like how it's definitely possible that Max took a two year but considering his family he was probably pushed to do a four year#There's no confirmation either way but it's just so fun to consider what they'd do based on how they're written!#These are the kind of written math problems I enjoy hehe#I was being a bit self-deprecating for that doodle actually tho lol - art mimics life and all that pfft#Also confirmation of him being a Lit Major ❤️💕💖💞💗 Small details give me big love you must understand this lol#As evidenced lol ♪ Adding to my playlist definitely didn't help it very strongly upgraded to Big Love for like a week straight lol#Terrible ♪ Couldn't stand it <3 Genuinely painful ♫#Lol - ''finding'' more - it's what had my blood on fire! I'm so grateful for mirrors#Anyone who's been following me for a while knows I have this whole thing about Legacy and what you leave behind and the internet in general#That the internet is forever except when it's not - that plenty of things get deleted or lost etc. etc. and it makes me very sad :(#So seeing that there was an in-built preservation - it only saved Some things but anything saved is precious!! It made me very happy <3#And then finishing off 💔💕 Beautifully heartbreaking ah#Even skim-reading later made me cry again! It's deeply affecting hhh#Another experience I'm so happy to be able to have ♥ Another tally on the wall haha <3
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Carolus' children have names!
Porcelain von Valancius, called Penny (or sometimes Porky by her brother), her oldest child. Conceived during her time as a guard for merchant ships, after she was exiled from her position as a battle psyker in the military, with a Drukhari soldier who she met and fought during multiple assignments. Coincidence (and skill at survival) had them meet again and again and develop a personal rather than general hatred for each other, which then culminated in an extremely angry and prejudiced one-night stand. About two weeks later she finally managed to kill him. Carolus was in a very bad mental state during that time, so when she noticed she was pregnant she couldn't really bring herself to care. She didn't expect the fetus to be viable anyway, so she decided that either it would kill her and solve her problems that way, or the resulting miscarriage would be of scientific interest to someone. Except that against her expectations when the baby was born she was entirely healthy, if odd looking. Put on the spot Carolus made the decision to be a mother. She built herself up again as best as she could, pretended her daughter was a low level mutant and found a somewhat peaceful colony of mutants in a corner of her sector where she could trust someone to take care of the child while she went off to earn money to send back. When Theodora called her to the expanse she took her daughter with her and found her a safe place on Janus before going on board.
Porcelain is a highly energetic child, easily excitable, and due to her heritage drawn to strong emotions. This can manifest both in temper tantrums to provoke the people around her into anger or things like long monologues of compliments or singalongs to incite excitement or happiness. She is not cruel but oftentimes callous about the feelings of others, since she gets as much out of people's anger or grief as out of their joy. That does not however mean that she doesn't like people, quite the opposite. She easily connects with people, regardless of their opinion of her, leading her to occasionally declare people her friends who deeply despise her, precisely because of their strong reaction. This includes Marazhai, who only got survive his terrible decisions because Carolus is concerned about her daughter's safety without at least rudementary knowledge about the other half of her legacy. He gets brought onboard specifically as Porcelain's babysitter and tutor. He absolutely despises it and Penny, but knows that she is the only reason he's alive and thus cannot just kill her without consequences. She loves him. Absolutely adores him and everything he does end up teaching her. Her mother's influence does remain strong she does not fall into indiscrimenate murder and torture but she does highly enjoy the tussles she has with Marazhai and the occasional hunt he takes her on. He also tendency to just grab her by the scruff of the neck and carry her around like a handbag. She thinks it's hilarious. She also calls him "Uncle Marzipan" and is absolutely gleeful about how much he hates it. He in return calls her "Pentakill" because he decided that her name is terrible and not to be tolerated. The Mon-keigh should be glad he didn't choose a drukhari name.
Leopold von Valancius van Calox is Carolus' son with Heinrix. (Yes there is a whole situation going on my brain how he deals with Penny's existance but that's for later.) He is born sometime during the game, though I have not exactly figured out when yet. When Carolus learnt she was pregnant again she gave Heinrix a decision: he could either claim the child as his or they sweep their prior relationship under the rug and she would never mention the child's parentage. Either way she would not stand his way. She certainly would have been sad if he had decided to deny it, but she would have respected his decision, and it had to be just his choice to make. Some of the officer's would have certainly known, but no one would go against a Rogue Tradr's orders to shut up about her private life. It took him the entire duration of the pregnancy to finally make a choice and only when Carolus went into labour did he break and made his decision to be a father, with the thought that he would come up with a way to deal with Calcazar's judgement some time later. Of course it turned out that said dealing would be both a lot easier and a lot harder than expected. He never did say anything about it, but he went to her chambers, was let in and stayed for the duration of the birth, which was as good as admission. Abelard judged him greatly, for many reasons.
Leopold is a calm child, curious but by far not as exciteble as his sister (who was absolutely extatic about getting a sibling and had to be forcibly kept from the birth so as to not be distracting). Later in his life he showed Psyker abilities, something that concerned but not surprised his Psyker parents. The reveal was thankfully not nearly as dramatic as both his parents' . His sister felt it coming and refused to play with him because of it, feeling unsettled by the weird energies around him. This persisted until he eventually threw a temper tantrum and set a rug on fire, thus confirming both Carolus' and Heinrix' concerns. Although they both he agreed he would have to be sanctioned, they also agreed to never under any circumstances put their son on a Black Ship. Eventually it was decided that Heinrix himself would bring him to Terra, monitor any and all procedures and eventually take him home again. They both leveraged all of their political powers to make sure they could take him back, calling in many, many favours and issuing equally as many threats and bribes. They succeeded. Leopold himself only learnt multiple years after that trip what had actually happened. (I do have notes on a short one-shot about the trip maybe) (How does this work with the whole Warp storm situation? I don't know and frankly I don't much care, both the warp and the god-emperor will bow to my will to ignore canon)
#warhammer 40k rogue trader#carolus von valancius#heinrix van calox#marazhai aezyrraesh#oc descriptions#i thank all my discord buddies who helped me come up with this stuff#i swear i will finish something for this game#i want to post fics again so badly#Omnissiah grant me the strength to just get done with something#but yeah I love my children#my overdramatic backstories#and carolus' ability to set her friends on fire so they do more damage#it's very fun#btw she was named for the song carolus rex in case you were wondering
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Biannual chamberlain crew posttt
I think they're silly, nay, goofy
#tldc#tldc anders bergstrom#tldc russ#tldc tootega#this isnt as funny as it was a week ago but the second page still makes me cackle#been drawing this piecemeal since monday and i truly did not expect it to take as long as it did#im in hand to hand combat w chapter 3 of the fic rn its getting stupid 💀#what i havent done is finish it. what i have done is write upwards of 20k in three different projects... soo la voo or whatever ig#i am TRYING and itll happen#im looking at the images as im about to hit post and i havent given russ his grey streaks.... imagine them for me 😭😭#tootega being aroace was a joke for me bc hes so poorly written and doesnt have any wants/relationships#therefore i hit him with that aroace beam#(im still catching up on firestar/fire eternal again so i may be proven wrong but he doesnt give a shit about anyone but his family)#i made a joke about it when i was writing him for the current fic and then. well you know how i love to commit to a bit
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I SWEAR I KEEP TRYING TO DO ART BUT THEN SOMETHING GETS IN THE WAY AND THEN I PROCRASTINATE AND THEN SIX MONTHS PASS
#this has been happening for like TWO YEARS BUT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM TRYING.#my usual art motivation (my webcomic idea) has been put on hold for a bit and because of that i forgort... everything#my will to draw specifically#but in my defense i have been writing k*arlach / oc indulgences and i've been VERY focused on finishing it#i also got a marketing manager (my friend <3) to help with advertising my comms and stuff so uh... look forward 2 that#i might need to start posting all of my art on a sideblog so she doesn't have to log into my main though#so there might be some changes#but i promise i want to do art!!!! but there's always something to do first and then months pass :(#or i get the urge to draw and then life is like ''have a cancer scare'' lmao...#(ended up being cancerous actually </3 but because it's skin stuff it was easy to remove)#(but that really took the piss out of me for most of july... not to mention that ffxiv released a new expansion and i have been...#having a good time with my new friends doing content and stuff!) i also made a friend irl after like 3-4 years of total isolation#we feed ants and watch them move around together and comment on their behaviour patterns...#but like when i say this takes literal hours.#we just sit out there and talk about random shit and watch ants walk across the floor. both of us hate ants btw.#like we don't like having them ON us so it's a bit like playing with fire.#but anyways yeah i've also been really low energy recently too bc of the heat and burnout from college...#but the good news is that i'm transferring in fall to a much more relaxing college & courseload!#i'm hoping it'll stop me from feeling so... awful ?? i guess ??#like i was taking classes i didn't need to that were really difficult & punishing#not to mention extremely boring & hard to pay attention to when dealing with literally anything. i did not want to be there.#my next college is much more interest-oriented so i will finally be able to take classes i want to and learn from them...!#and then maybe i will feel a bit more in control of my life / more encouraged to draw#anyways thank u for reading my ramble. hoping it all comes together soon.#i need to do a lot of work but most of it is so i can sell commissions again#but once the karlach fic is done we're so back on the webcomic train !!!!!!!!
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good morning team nina! i’m sorry for being a little here nor there, I WANT TO BE HERE REALLY BAD! but my laptop actually finally stopped turning on, which thanks a lot, rest in pieces ( oF SHIT, i Hated that thing! i will say its v hard to answer my asks without a laptop…smh)
but more importantly and the shit Cherry on top of Shit Mountain rn is, i’m currently pretty fkn sick bc one of the kids got me which already sucked…then halfway through yesterday i…completely??
Lost My Voice???
LIKE ITS GONE!!!???
tldr: i sound like an insane v foul demonic cross between roz from monsters inc and a cursed squeaky toy getting run over by a million cars on the highway and i can’t hit any notes higher than like a Bass in choir??? horrifying
but yeah my chest feels like a trash compactor or is that just my cold dead heart beatin idk what’s that like i'm evil n i made jk in my image
i lied im very rs-coded
#nina speaks#me: yapping and complaining#me: LITERALLY HAS NO VOICE???#yesterday while i waited to take my hoevid test#i covered Earth Wind and Fire for the rant girls IT WAS SO FUNNY#I LITERALLY LIKE CANT SPEAK ABOVE A HOARSE WHISPER#i didn’t even notice until my kinders were like#uh miss nina u sound weird#and i was im baby that’s a little mean#not all of us can be raven or crimson dawn#AND THEN I REALIZED ITS GONE ITS ACTUALLY GONE#HOLY FUCK#they are dunking on me LIKE YALL DID THIS#but yeah working on asks on my phone#i want to do the whump sick fic one while im ill#pls note i had a dream last night#and i know it was a dream bc ravenstan was doing toolshed boy stuff#hot boy shit#and fixing something in the cd house#and jerseys nose started bleeding like an anime character#blessed i love toolshed raven he’s so handy#have u seen jersey with a wrench? no? there’s a reason#he’s useless it’s a weapon it cannot be used to make ikea furniture he will start yelling and rage quit#and rs finish it in…five seconds and it’ll be light work#jersey fully willing to submit his work late to pull up a chair and watch#he is insane anyways it was a really good dream#please pray i get better lmaO i feel horrible
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So anyway, it's sweet sweet sacrilege hours 💕
#OOH BOY#OOOOHH BOY OH BOY#WHO'S READY FOR SOME FUCKED UP RELIGIOUS ALLEGORIES OF INSANITY#PSALMS OF PSYCHOSIS IS YOU W— *gets shot by 3 different snipers; one of which is blind*#anyway here we are#i promised myself that i will finish and put up fics this year and i did it#:'') *pops a bag of fire cheetos for myself* cheers to me in this chilli's tonight#Farimah writes#wayleska#wayleska fic#batjokes#batjokes fic#Gotham#Gotham TV#Jeremiah Valeska x Bruce Wayne#Jeremiah Valeska#Bruce Wayne
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On the one hand, I've been in bed sick since Friday. On the other hand, I finished two books this weekend, which is nice?
Lmao I just checked the time stamps and I started Nona The Ninth at 5pm Saturday and finished it at 3am Sunday morning, so that's less than 12 hours start to finish xD
I also finished a reread of Network Effect for like the third time, which is a delight as always
#next up is finishing Witch King and Stars Hide Your Fires#and then i will no longer have 4 separate library books ticking down in my phone lmao#we are also 2 hours from the end of book 5 in the Apollo series!!!!!!!!#(me and my sister have listened to the entire series while driving places haha)#it is EXTREMELY good and feels like a return to the style of the original pjato series and all pjato fans should read it please and ty#and then WRITE ME FIC ABOUT APOLLO HANGING OUT WITH HIS KIDS!!!!#oh wait the MOST important part of finishing apollo is that then i get to read the Will/Nico book!!!!! hype!!!!!!!!#lori chat
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Reading my old Star Wars wips and damn do some of these slap, can’t wait until the author posts an update!
Oh…oh no…oh god no!
#seriously might make that never gonna get finished wips collections#fulcrum and the negotiator my beloved!#sith!obi-wan teaching baby Ahsoka my messed up darling!#my padawan which I never even finished posting here my baby boy!!#I just wanna read them not write them 😢#leaving a few open juiiuuust in case I suddenly have the will to write#it’ll only have been *checks notes* like 3ish years since I last wrote a thing in them#I am the dog in the fire right now like this is fine I’m fine#I’m feeling a normal amount of things in a totally normal way ty for asking#complaining about writing#ah having to write a satisfactory ending…my beloathed#Sith sassy pants and his daughter is so well written#and then the last ‘’scene’’ is just five lines of shorty dialogue#half as a joke and half as a guiding post#gdi me#and then there’s the fact that I stopped engaging with sw media so now I’m lost on the lord#god the amount of research I did for sw fic is insane!#reminder to self: do more with BttF and get over the time shift#or make it a new story and it’s a series now idk#you got options baby take one#DID I SAY 3 YEARS I MEAN 4.5
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The Best Dreams Come in Threes
♱⋅── rafayel x reader x xavier
♱⋅── about: Rafayel and Xavier have always been there for you. One is your fire, your passion, the twin flame to your temper. The other is your light, a guiding beacon, your twin star. So when you have a nightmare, they take it upon themselves to comfort and remind you of their unconditional devotion. Even if it does lead to competition every now and then.
♱⋅── word count: 7.5k (mf...)
♱⋅── warnings: mdni, smut, it's just nasty, threesome, jealousy, somnophilia, oral, pussydrunk boys, breeding kink, double penetration, slight spoilers
♱⋅── a/n: apologies to the two random strangers on the plane that I sat next to when the idea of this fic possessed me. I really, really hope you didn't read anything I was frantically writing down in the midst of me finishing my work report cause that shit was nasty.
art credit and inspiration due to the wonderful @/sakimenz
Lonely star, who do you shine for?
The weight of all your pasts- of all your futures- the guilt and pride you carry will only cause you to collapse, and all that will be left will be an all-consuming black hole.
Your desperation won’t bring your sun back.
Lonely king, don’t you know a kingdom devoid of life is a crown devoid of purpose?
You were the fire that left them, and all you have to show for the betrayal is a drowned memory and a heart wrenched from your chest, a broken promise and a forgotten story.
You’ve changed with each lifetime, but you’ll forever be at the mercy of fate.
And you? You’re the very curse that haunts them.
Claws, so cold they burn, emerge from the darkness before piercing through flesh, tearing through muscle and bone as they dig into your ribcage, dragging you down into the shadows. Drowning, falling. You’re spiraling through lifetimes of failure, lifetimes of pain both your own and not, all while the claws dig closer and closer to your heart, clutching the muscle like a songbird in a cage.
It’s the price, the price you must pay for all this pain you’ve caused, for dooming a star and killing a god.
The clawed hand wraps around your heart, the piercing into the fluttering pulse faster and faster until—
You wake up crying.
A hot trail of tears slides into the pillows, and a sniffle rakes through your body, the sudden movement causing a subtle disturbance to the two forms still sound asleep on either side of you.
Funny, you can’t remember a thing, but there’s a painful throb in your chest. You’ll take another dose of your heart medicine in the morning.
But for now, your bedroom is still dulled by the pale blue moonlight filtering through the curtains, and you’re in no hurry to get out of the warm covers and their embrace.
The nightmares have become routine at this point. You never remember what they are, but you wake up with a sense of fear and dread, as though you can feel the pain all over again. It’s best not to think too much about it.
Taking a deep breath and closing your eyes, you inhale shakily one last time, trying to shake off the looming feeling when the arm around your waist shifts, tugging lightly at your loose sleep shirt before slipping under to massage the skin beneath. You let out a soft sigh, a light shudder going through your body as the gentle hands work away the tension.
“The same?” Rafayel’s words are slurred with sleep and concern, hot breath dancing along the crook of your neck as he props himself up on his elbow. You nod.
Rafayel makes a small, displeased noise before his other arm pulls you closer, his bare chest now flush against your back. The sudden movement forces Xavier, who was once tucked against your shoulder, further away, grumbling at the loss even in his sleep.
His face scrunches, brows furrowed together before the corners of his lips turn downward, and he blindly reaches for you. He eventually finds the curve of your waist, and his hand tightens on the fabric of your shirt as it slides in above Rafayel’s.
A huff, and Xavier buries his face back into your chest, his warm breath tickling you. And then, gentle snores— you should've known better than to think that would be enough to wake him.
Rafayel, still pressed firmly against your back, begins to move, propping his body up just enough to look you in the eyes as he wipes a stray tear from your cheek. "Wanna talk about it, cutie?"
“I… I think you were there, both of you. But it felt lonely, painful.”
Rafayel's face contorts into a worried expression, his hand moves down your cheek, cupping your jaw, and you lean into his warm caress with a sigh.
You place a kiss on his palm. "It's okay, just a scary dream. Nothing real. Nothing to worry about." You repeat it, more to yourself than Rafayel, but his arms wrap around you anyway.
And yet Rafayel looks at you with a deep furrow in his brow, a seriousness you’ve almost never seen on him.
You give him a questioning look, but his lips press to yours in a searing kiss, stealing the air from your lungs. He pulls away only for a second, whispering sweet nothings against your skin before returning his lips to yours, the hand cradling your face slipping down to rest on your hip.
He kisses you softly, gently. First pressing a trail of light, chaste kisses along your jaw, the corners of your mouth, and nose, then moving back to your lips. “We’ll never leave you. We’d tear through every universe, every destiny to get back to you.”
Strange, how Rafayel says it with all the reverence of a vow.
You want to tease him for the sudden declaration, for making all this fuss over a stupid dream, but you never have the opportunity, not when Rafayel's signature smirk settles back onto his lips.
His hand slides down to your thighs, fingers teasing around the band of your sleep shorts, toying, pressing, but never crossing the self-imposed boundary of your clothes. “Unless, you’d prefer it if I proved it to you?”
“Rafayel,” you warn, hoping your narrowed glare would dissuade him.
Of course the man only seems to take that as a challenge, smile widening as you flinch at the cold touch creeping under your shirt. One palm traces up your ribcage, long, nimble fingers rubbing circles against your skin until he brushes the underside of your breast.
You shudder, hissing out another string of curses before turning around so your back is to Rafayel.
Really, you should know better than to think that alone would be enough, and a hot trail of kisses now joins his wandering hands down your shoulder blade. They start innocent enough, sweet, lingering touches along the hem of your shirt, but that quickly changes when Rafayel’s arm under your shirt practically yanks it up, sucking wet, messy kisses into the bare curves of your chest.
Each nip against your sensitive flesh forces the possibility of sleep further and further away, and you resort to distracting yourself with the motionless silhouette of Xavier. Petting through his hair, your rhythm is jolted every time Rafayel decides to leave a mark, nails pulling through Xavier’s locks as you bite your lip on a moan.
You don't miss the curve of his smirk against your skin, and the next kiss is accompanied by a bite, hard enough to elicit a sharp gasp that stirs Xavier. Tense, you scan the blonde's face, but he's nothing if not a heavy sleeper, and he nuzzles further into your touch, still unconscious as his head tucks under yours.
You don't get to sigh in relief. Instead, a whine builds in your throat, the wet heat of Rafayel's teeth tugging on the strap of your underwear as he fists your sleep shorts down.
"Rafayel, stop it,” you hiss as his hot breath hits the already embarrassingly damp center of your underwear.
His smile grows, lips brushing against your clothed core as he tilts his head. “Hmm? But you don’t sound like you want me to stop. And she certainly doesn’t sound like it either.” Two fingers dip under the band, and he parts your cunt with a lewd click.
Your face flushes in embarrassment, refusing to acknowledge just how easily your body gives in to them. One hand leaves Xavier, roughly fisting into Rafayel’s curls as he groans from the sharp pressure. “That’s because you and Xavier refused to wear protection!”
The accusation earns a hushed laugh, his shoulders shaking against the insides of your thighs. It would have been innocent, the same contagious sort of smile gracing Rafayel’s face, if not the shadows cast across his face in the dark, teeth gleaming like fangs as he traces his tongue up the entire length of your clothed cunt.
"M’sorry, we thought you'd enjoy the mess," he says, words muffled over your thighs, nose practically buried in between. "How can I make it up to you, cutie?”
You don’t get a chance to respond, not when Rafayel’s tongue dives into your clothed cunt, moaning against the soaked fabric as you gasp and force him closer by his hair. To muffle his sounds, you tell yourself. A pathetic lie considering how much louder he gets now, nose grinding up against your clit as his tongue tries to press into your fluttering cunt even with the barrier of cloth in between.
God, he’s addicted, and it doesn’t take long until Rafayel’s spit and your slick soak through your underwear, the near-translucent fabric sticking to your lips as the bare minimum friction nearly drives you insane.
“Say it,” Rafayel whines, nuzzling his face against your inner thigh. “Please, just tell me how badly you want me. Tell me, and I’ll do anything you ask.”
Like he wouldn’t already.
But how could you ever deny him when he begs so sweetly?
Your palm cups his face, watching his near-wrecked expression and flushed skin tremble beneath your fingers. “I’m yours, Rafayel.”
And the fabric is ripped into pieces.
Refusing to even breathe, Rafayel places an opened-mouth kiss on your cunt, lapping up your slick with the most satisfied moan. He doesn't waste any time, not while your confession coated his mind with the sweetest type of intoxication, eating you out like he was depraved.
He might as well have been with how he moans, hips grinding desperately against the edge of the mattress, his not-entirely human tongue curling in and out of you as it writhes with terrifying accuracy against your walls.
It feels too good to be ashamed of the noises you make, gasping and crying out until you slam your palm over your mouth, biting down hard as the other claws into Rafayel’s hair. You can barely control yourself, half fighting to squirm away from the overwhelming pleasure, half rocking your hips up and down his face as you jerk him closer.
“Mhm, greedy.” Fucked-out, broken little grunts leave his throat before his words are muffled into your cunt, not baring to part for even a breath. “Pull on it, please. Harder.”
You tug Rafayel’s hair almost in vengeance when he purposefully kisses away from where you need him most, licking and sucking obscenely into your thighs just to hear your frustrated cries even over your hand.
He loved being used like this, so long as it was you.
So long as it was him that turned you into such a beautiful, pathetic mess.
It's not long until Rafayel pulls you close to the edge, nose pressing against your clit while thrusting his tongue into you, eyes rolling back from the taste and from the thought of your tight heat fluttering around his cock instead.
And then, he stops, pulling away and leaving you gasping into the tear-stained pillow.
You bite back a sob, releasing only a choked little noise that has Rafayel's eyes flicking up to your face, the soft, concerned look in his eyes melting into something far more dangerous.
With viciously dilated pupils and your slick dripping from his mouth, Rafayel stares you down as every inch the dangerous siren the legends claimed him to be. He smiles, tongue raking over his teeth as though he couldn’t get enough of your taste, and you swear you’d let him eat your heart and soul. Gods, you’d let him eat you whole.
You realize you must have made a sound, because Rafayel hushes you, pressing quick kisses to your knee. "Aw, what happened to being quiet? Aren't you afraid we'll wake the poor sleeping bunny?"
At the mention of your other partner, you turn to where Xavier’s nuzzling his face further into your side, each warm breath damp against your feverish skin, still lost to the realm of dreams.
Not that Rafayel allows your attention to turn away from himself for too long.
He leans over Xavier, the hand that wasn’t supporting his weight cupping your face, and his lips are crashing into yours with all the viciousness of a summer seastorm. Your lips part, and Rafeyel fucks his tongue into your mouth the same he did your pussy, wet and desperate, the taste of yourself enough to make you dizzy.
"Tell me,” Rafayel’s tone dips into something darker, kissing down your throat and stomach as he eyes Xavier. “Who’s the better lover?"
Xavier's fingers flex, the tips brushing against the curve of your breast as he sleeps, and Rafayel's smile is almost predatory.
"D-don't ask stupid questions you dumb fish," your voice cracks as Rafayel's mouth ghosts over your cunt, teeth bared to your thigh, threatening to bite. "I chose you both."
The confession, as expected, doesn't please him. If anything, he seems overly offended, pouting and huffing a cold breath of air right against your aching core. The chill makes you squirm, trying to force him back to your center with the grip you have on his hair.
"No. Nope. That's not an answer."
"Raf–"
His name breaks off in a moan, sound ripped from your throat as Rafayel's thumb starts rubbing firm circles around your neglected clit. He doesn't relent, the pressure too much, too quick, your body already trembling from the pleasure Rafayel knows how to torture you with.
Only, it seems that all your sudden noise and movement have finally begun to affect Xavier. Not enough to wake him, but enough that you can hear his breathing become heavier, following your every twitch and buck from Rafayel’s onslaught as his body begins to grind into yours.
Mumbling into your neck, Xavier’s hand tightens around your waist before slipping under your shirt to palm your breasts, squeezing and kneading until the touch has you keening.
Xavier's still fast asleep, nonsensical words slurred against your skin, and yet his body is now far from it. His erection is thick and heavy against your hips, grinding desperately into your warmth almost in time to Rafayel’s ministrations, whimpering under his breath with every forceful thrust.
Rafayel notices too, his gaze drifting up to the blond. You can't see his face, already busied between your legs once more, but a pleased hum vibrates through his entire body, fingers finally slipping into your cunt as he curls them just right, your back arching off the sheets with a silent scream.
Xavier whines at your sudden thrashing, tugging you closer and unknowingly forcing you immobile and at complete mercy to Rafayel’s unfairly skilled fingers. "Mhm, so warm. Please, m’want to..." Another needy, slow grind against you follows his sleepy request.
"Rafayel," you choke out a muffled plea, but his eyes only narrow, taking a breath as his free hand grabs at Xavier's ass, the touch just light enough to tease and make him rut harder against you.
"What is it, cutie? Don't pretend like you don't want more, not when your pretty pussy's drooling for his cock. She’s so needy, am I not enough?”
Rafayel rests his head on the inside of your thigh, fingers thrusting roughly into that sweet spongy spot inside you just as his other hand wraps around the base of Xavier's cock through his boxers, thumbing over the pre-cum staining the dark fabric.
You're forced to bite down on the pillow beneath your head to stop the desperate cry tearing itself out of your throat. "This isn’t- ah- isn’t right."
"Isn't it? You’re dripping and the little bunny’s still asleep, yet look how desperate he is, rutting against you." Rafayel's voice dips, a raspy edge from his throat still fucking into you making it even more sinful, slurping everything you give him around his fingers before it drips down his wrist and into a puddle below. A huff, “I should get rewarded with how much effort I’m putting in.”
You cry out, legs trembling as his thumb begins its relentless attack on your clit, tracing mindless circles just random enough to keep you on edge. You're close, and Rafayel can feel it.
Xavier isn’t faring much better, whimpering a string of incoherent pleas into the crook of your neck as his hips keep rocking into the fist around him. He doesn't take his mouth away from the skin of your shoulder, biting down on it as he cums, shuddering and whimpering as the mess splatters down Rafayel's knuckles and onto your thighs.
“You’re next. If you won’t be honest with me, I’ll make your body is.” Rafayel’s taunt is the last coherent thing you remember before you come. Hard. His words ring against your skull as his fingers pump into you faster, and the pressure against your clit becomes almost unbearable, and you're falling apart, crying and thrashing, the only thing keeping you grounded is the feeling of Rafayel's weight and the scent of Xavier's strawberry shampoo, and then—
Rafayel finally shuts up to let you ride his face through your high, letting you use him as your thighs lock around his head, grinding desperately as though he were no more than a toy. No chance of breathing, no chance of escape.
Not that he could care less, not as long as he could keep his lips around your gushing cunt, humming and sucking into your release as cum sprays over his tongue and down his chin. Gods, he could never get enough of this.
You're still shaking through your orgasm, pliant and stupid from the dizzying pleasure, that you don't notice the rustle of sheets until a second pair of hands slide down your thighs.
"You’re doing this without me?"
Xavier’s voice is a whisper, husky from sleep and his orgasm as he presses a kiss right below your ear, fingers squeezing rougher against your breasts.
"S-sorry. Didn't want to wake you," you try, biting back a gasp when his thumb flicks over a nipple. Rough. Mean.
Rafayel snorts. "I think it's a bit too late for that.” A glare at Xavier over your leg, showing off your cum still dripping from his lips and fingers. ”Besides, I didn't need you."
You want to argue, really, but then Xavier is grabbing a fistful of your hair, tugging just hard enough to push your head back, coaxing a moan from your throat as he marks down your neck with kisses intending to bruise. He’s pouting, grabbing your jaw as he forces your gaze away from Rafayel, nipping your bottom lip until you surrender to his drowsy advances.
“Why…” Another kiss before Xavier's licking desperately into your mouth, “Why didn't you wake me?"
The question comes out a little breathless, almost petulant, eyes hooded and dark as he looks over the mess Rafayel has made of you. He can't tear his eyes away, watching Rafayel even as he kisses you. His fingers flick over your nipple again, twisting and pinching until you're shaking, your thighs squeezing Rafayel's face, all while Xavier watches.
Said man only smiles, all smug arrogance. "Didn't you hear her, Xav? She said she didn't want to wake you, so don't blame me."
Rafayel drags a wet, open-mouthed kiss over your cunt, the overstimulation making you break the kiss with a gasp.
"Liar." Xavier's voice trembles, and you can't tell if he's referring to Rafayel's words, or the way he's staring longingly at Rafayel's lips now, still slick with your release. "You just wanted her all to yourself."
He doesn't bother giving Rafayel a chance to retort, taking the punishment out on you as he dips his head underneath your folded-up shirt, groaning as his hot tongue rolls over your nipple, sucking at the stiff peak as his hand continues to assault the other. The onslaught has you whimpering, pushing and clawing against Xavier’s shoulder to try and fight him off as he refuses to let go for even a moment.
Rafayel's not one to be ignored, not when he has the advantage, and his tongue is back to fucking into your cunt with no reprieve, a cruel smirk on his face as you writhe and beg for their mercy.
Your hips roll, torn between pleasure and oversensitivity, unable to escape either of the men. It's overwhelming. Too much, too quickly, you only just came and you're already getting dragged back.
"Ah! Stop, I'm already mhm—"
You're interrupted by Xavier's tongue slipping into your mouth, a filthy, lazy slide that makes you grind up into Rafayel's tongue. It's like he doesn't even need to breathe, the wet, sloppy sounds of him eating you out drowned out only by the sound of Xavier kissing you senseless, pausing just to nip and suck at your breasts as though he'll get rewarded if he just tries hard enough.
"You want him to stop? Is the mermaid not enough to satisfy you, princess?" Xavier taunts, lips brushing against your ear as his hips push up, grinding his cock against your thigh. "If that's the case, perhaps we should switch. I can give you exactly what you want, remember?"
“Shut up, I’m the one making her cum.”
“Only cause I wasn’t awake yet.”
“You snooze, you lose. Whose fault is that? Oh ya, yours.”
They're at each other's throats yet again, practically clawing and snapping at each other, and you're helpless to try and intervene when they take their faux anger out on your poor abused body.
You can't think, can't focus, can't do anything but shake and pant and sob into the pillow, their combined weight on top of you, forcing your pleasure higher and higher.
“Xav—" He cuts you off with a kiss.
“Shh, just take it."
You can't even tell who’s sloppier anymore- Xavier fucking your mouth with his tongue or Rafayel still eating you through your second orgasm, the sudden hit of it thundering down your body.
“You look so pretty when you come," Xavier moans into your lips, his eyes half-lidded and glazed, hand coming up to stroke your cheek as he watches you, a sharp contrast to the other still rolling against your swollen nipple, loving the way you jerk into his touch. Then a glare to the man below. "My turn.”
Your body is still trembling, Rafayel's merciless fingers not allowing you to come down from your high, aftershocks of hypersensitivity crashing down your spine as every muscle spasms. No more. No more, please. You can’t possibly come again.
You don't realize you’re begging out loud, not until Xavier shushes you with another bruising kiss.
But it doesn't seem like Rafayel has any plans on stopping, not until Xavier’s hand skims down your thighs and yanks him up by the chain of his necklace.
Rafayel growls as he's practically forced off your weeping cunt, eyes bleary and unfocused as he fights the blond's grip. And god, he looks absolutely wrecked, spit and cum dripping from his mouth and chin, connecting his lips to your pussy in sticky wet strands before they break, and you feel the unmistakable bulge of his cock straining against his soaked boxers.
Xavier yanks him forward, pulling the necklace chain until he crashes his lips onto Rafayel's, all teeth and tongue, desperate to get a taste of your cum from his mouth. It's filthy, and Rafayel is the first to give in, still drunk off your taste and now Xavier's too.
"Mhm, you taste like her," Xavier whispers, pulling him closer until their bodies are pressed together, his mouth still moving against Rafayel's swollen, parted lips.
"Ya?" Rafayel’s grin is predatory, all fang and sin. "You wanna try too, don’t you? Give in then, bunny, lie down for us.”
"I don't take orders from you."
Xavier scowls against Rafayel's lips, but you can feel his resolve breaking, his arm trembling where it rests against your thigh.
"No, you take them from her, and she asked us so, so nicely to make her come. You wouldn't dare deny her that, would you?”
The Lemurian is nothing if not dangerously persistent, one hand coaxing Xavier backward so gently you don’t think he realizes how easily he’s falling, the other clawing down his abs as Rafayel bites against the erratic thud of Xavier’s pulse. Sharp and bruising, a silent promise for what to come. "Or do you wanna eat her out like I did? Have her ride your face while I fuck into her poor, desperate cunt? I can't decide, there are so many options."
“No.” It’s more a plea than a demand. Xavier's voice shakes with need, and you watch, dizzy and panting, as Rafayel's fingers slip underneath the waistband of Xavier's boxers. His fingers, still dripping with your cum, brush down the length of his cock, thumb circling the sensitive head and smearing the copious amount of pre-cum leaking from it. “You had y-your turn.”
He can hardly finish his objection, not when Rafayel’s thumb comes up to abuse his leaking slit, Xavier’s words slurring into a desperate whine as he practically collapses back onto his elbows. Immediately, Rafayel is atop him.
"A competition, then." Rafayel leans down to whisper into Xavier's ear, but the words are purposefully teased out loud enough for you to hear, “But you lose if you cum first, and I get to fuck her.”
It's a low blow, a challenge he knows Xavier can't turn down.
A challenge that somehow has you poised once again as the torment and the reward.
And it's true, because the second the words register, the blond's eyes shoot open, and his cock jerks violently against Rafeyel’s palm, a broken sound leaving his lips as his eyes lock back onto yours with all the promise of a starving hunter.
"Deal.”
Xavier doesn't allow the agreement to go without a price. Something snaps, the bedroom flickering with a sudden darkness as all the light vanishes.
One moment, you’re lying against the bed, and the next Xavier manhandles you to your knees, one hand forcing your arms behind your back as he tugs you against him, the other pinning Rafayel to the mattress.
Rafayel’s the very picture of smug sin, the feral expression far more genuine, less threatening and much more amused as he nestles further into the pillows, one arm tucked lazily behind his head.
Cold fingers dance up your hips, and Rafayel drags your bare cunt over his thighs and onto his lap, a pleased sigh escaping his lips as you're pinned deliciously between his cock and Xavier's sculpted back.
"So needy, little bunny."
"Shut up. I'm not the one who's leaking."
Rafayel snorts, and before the two can start fighting again, you're leaning forward, a hand resting against Rafayel's abs as you cup his erection through his boxers. And when he moans you believe every myth, every fairytale singing the doom of sailors to a siren song, because every sound he gives you is addictive and sweet enough that you’d drown to hear it again.
Pulling Rafayel's cock out from his boxers, you’re stunned yet again by the slightly non-human beauty of it, heavy and thick in your palm, the flushed, ruddy tip already drooling precum as you thumb at it in vengeance. You know Xavier's watching from the way his own cock twitches against your back, hands digging bruises into your hips. Then, the warmth at your back disappears.
Instead, a pair of hands drag your ass up, forcing you into a deep arch as you scramble for purchase against Rafayel’s thigh and the bed below.
“Closer.” Xavier’s hand laces into your hair as he pushes your head down, forcing your mouth to nuzzle against the base of Rafayel's cock.
The movement pulls a gasp from both of you, your hot breath teasing the sensitive skin of Rafayel's shaft and forcing a shudder from his entire body.
Seeing the two of you completely at his mercy does terrible, horrible things to Xavier, and his fingers dig bruises into your hips as it takes him everything not to forgo the competition and fuck you right there.
"Good girl,” he hums, voice trembling as his grip tightens against your hair, giving you a harsh glare when you whine and squirm in his hold. "Now open."
You can't bring yourself to say no, not when the sight of Rafayel's eyes rolling back the second you do makes your stomach clench. His cock twitches against you as you lick at the copious amounts of cum leaking from his tip, then obediently wrap your lips around him.
With a smile that would have you shaking, Xavier leans down, barely able to continue guiding your head as he’s entranced with the mess between your legs, licking up the slick dripping down your thighs as he sucks against the delicate flesh, marking right over the sensitive bruises Rafayel had only just left behind.
“This- hah-” Rafayel curses under his breath, the single word breaking off into a moan, the sound muffled by his palm as his chest heaves. “This is hardly fair.”
But his complaints feel half-hearted, not with the way he’s already rutting into your mouth, Xavier’s iron grip keeping you in place as Rafayel thrusts himself into your mouth in one breath. You yield pathetically quick, flattening your tongue against the slick underside of his cock, another stream of pre-cum flooding your mouth as you nearly choke on it all, unable to pull off to even take a breath as Xavier guides your head up and down in a steady rhythm that has Rafayel falling apart.
It’s cruel, but you can't help each pathetic moan that gets muffed onto Rafayel’s cock, the vibrations forcing his back to arch off the bed, head rolling back as it thuds against the pillows, Adam's apple bobbing as he gulps in shallow breaths.
You almost wish he would let you see his eyes, but then you'd miss the view of his chest, every muscle tight and twitching under his skin, the mesmerizing sight now blurry from the tears forming in your eyes. You can't resist reaching up, dragging your nails down his abs, watching his body jerk against every new line of red.
"Please,” you're not sure if the broken whimper belonged to Rafayel or yourself. “Please, I can't wait anymore, wanna feel you— fuck— wanna fill you up again, please let me cum." It's like just the very thought has Rafayel keening, his hips jerking up into your hot mouth with reckless abandon as Xavier forces your spine up into a deeper arch.
You're nearly bent in half, the new angle leaving no part of you hidden from Xavier's hungry gaze as he watches you practically drool over Rafayel’s cock, lips meeting his pelvis as he breaches your throat.
Xavier’s going to win. He needs to win.
The thought makes him frantic, tongue fucking past the tight resistance of your cunt, his hand sliding up to tease at your clit. He won't be the one to finish first, not this time. Not when he's wanted nothing more than to feel your cunt gushing around him ever since Rafayel woke him up, ever since the two of you had the audacity to start this without him.
Rafayel can’t last much longer, especially not when you bring one shaking hand down to massage his swollen balls, hardly in control of your own movements as you feel dizzy on the addictive combination from the lack of oxygen and pleasure as Xavier begins to eat you out like a man starved.
The room’s filled with the sounds of each slick, messy movement, whimpers from the man beneath you and breathless pleas from the one behind, bed rattling with every thrust.
And yet you’re still so painfully empty. So, so, empty as your cunt flutters around Xavier’s tongue before he relents to kiss your clit once more, dragging a dissatisfied whine from you as you fight yourself off Rafayel’s cock.
"F-fuck me. Please," A sob, and you feel both Rafayel and Xavier shudder. "It’s not enough. Want your cocks inside me, wanna cum on it. Need it, please-"
Oh, and when you beg like that, they should have known they never would have stood a chance.
"Shit."
"Ah, please-"
It's a blur. A rush of hands, of pleasure and pain, all of it colliding and dragging you to the edge. The room spins, the ceiling above you falling until the familiar, comforting feeling of slick muscle embraces you, grounding you as you focus on the erratic heartbeat between each ragged exhale.
You're still sandwiched between them, lying on Rafayel as Xavier's weight drapes across your back, head propped up on the former's chest as you stare blearily at his silver pendant, unable to move. You're not even sure if you can, not with the way Xavier's still gripping the backs of your thighs, spreading you open as he forces one leg higher up.
Then, the blunt head of his cock grinds between your folds.
Xavier’s pressing his forehead against your back, wrapping his arms around you before biting into the crook of your neck. "You mean it? You’ll let us come inside again?"
Rafayel laughs, a raspy sound still raw from his orgasm. "Well, we both lost. Now what, bunny? We can't just leave her like this, poor thing is trembling."
"Mhm,” Xavier forces you up, “We both fuck her then."
His words only make you whimper, body jerking uselessly against Xavier's grip. His hands lift you as Rafayel flips you around so you're now facing the blond, flinching violently as his cock brushes your swollen clit, any semblance of protest quelled as Xavier pulls you into another messy kiss.
It’s demanding, Xavier mumbling achingly sweet praises into your open mouth as he begins to press you down, faster, harsher, forcing you onto Rafayel’s lap in a reverse cowgirl as you slide down slowly, taking inch by inch of Rafayel’s throbbing cock. There’s hardly any blue left in Xavier’s blow-out pupils, too mesmerized by the slick mess you’re gushing down their thighs. And just when you begin to squirm, impatient and desperate, Xavier slows their pace even more.
"Shhh, we need to make sure you'll be able to take both of us."
Rafayel's hand is wrapped around your waist, thumb rubbing small circles into your stomach, and if it weren't for Xavier's arms locked around you, holding you upright, you would have collapsed the second Rafayel pressed into the spot his fingers had found.
"Look at you," he purrs, a low sound that has you gasping. "So pretty when you’re needy. Can you feel me?"
It's hard not to. Everywhere feels warm, and every slow thrust, no matter how gentle, has a small burst of ecstasy building in your stomach, a wave crashing higher and higher as the two of them slowly fuck you full. Just as you’re nearly seated all the way onto Rafayel’s length, Xavier’s palms come up to the back of your knees, folding them up and forcing you backward until you’re practically lying prone atop of Rafayel.
Your head lolls uselessly against Rafayel's neck, gasping at the force of the new position, and you're not sure if it's the tears in your eyes or the overwhelming pressure against your walls as they stretch around his cock that's making the world so blurry. Xavier soon follows you down, pressing you closer into Rafayel’s chest as his lips trail your jaw, your neck, your sucking against every sensitive spot behind your ears until you're distracted from the pain.
"You're doing so good, princess. Just a little more."
The sudden onslaught of pressure of both of you atop him has Rafayel flinching, and he hisses out a pained moan, hips jerking up into the slick heat of your pussy, and it's only Xavier's grip that keeps the two of you from slipping off.
"Hah- hurry up-" Rafayel's eyes are glassy, his head tipped back and face twisted in pleasure.
Strings of incoherent pleas are whispered against your ear, Rafayel marking up the left side of your neck while Xavier’s still busy with the right, that is, until Xavier switches sides, biting right over Rafayel’s marks until he’s pulled up into a desperate kiss.
The wet sounds of their lips are filthy and obscene, each hot breath and moan brushing past your ear as you writhe, pressed between them. Rafayel's cock is already swelling, twitching against the fluttering walls of your pussy, unwilling to fully pull out, settling to just grinding up in slow, cruel thrusts before something in him snaps and he switches to pounding against your abused walls.
Every time you think you’ll finally come Rafayel switches pace, the obscene slap of skin on skin muffled only by your sobs and their kissing.
You’re close, so so fucking close you feel your muscles begin to shake. Xavier only pushes you down further, every angle a new cruelty, smothering you between them, rendering you unable to do anything but take it.
Again, Rafayel slows, and you slur curses down at him as your thighs tremble from overstimulation, shaking violently until you feel something grab your calf. Xavier massages the quivering muscle, gentle until he’s suddenly pressing your knee higher and higher, going until it’s pinned to the mattress up against your head.
And now Rafayel is hitting impossibly deeper, abusing your poor g-spot with each thrust.
Xavier kisses your ankle, then calf, making his way up your leg until he can nip at your inner thighs now folded over his shoulder. And then you feel the pressure of his cock at your already full entrance. Xavier’s hand dips down between your bodies, trying to bully himself in alongside Rafayel, but his cock slides past your navel, slick and covered in your combined cum.
"No, no no, not gonna fit- ah- Xavier!"
Your words break off into a wail as he tries again, grinding closer so you’re tightly cradled between the two, Xavier leaning fully atop you both. A snarl grits through his jaw when his cock slips past again, readjusting you so your legs fall apart wider, the burn in your thighs turning delicious and overwhelming, pussy weeping around Rafayel’s cock as Xavier’s swollen, leaking head bumps against your clit.
Xavier watches the mess, every thrust and messy squirt of cum, brows furrowed and flushed a deep red, as he whines into your shoulder, "Please- can't stop- please let me fuck you too, you'll look so pretty with both of us filling you up, taking us so good- don’t make me stop."
He’s reduced to babbling against your neck, biting down hard enough to bleed when your cunt finally yields to him too, cockhead bumping into Rafayel’s as he slowly pushes in inch and inch, trembling from the combined pleasure of your walls and the violent throbbing of every vein now grinding together.
It's too much, it’s not enough, the stretch and the friction and the pressure leaving you fucked stupid, hands scrambling for purchase. Rafayel grunts when your nails drag across his thighs, his own hands coming to latch onto your wrists, pinning them above his head, forcing you motionless between them.
You can do nothing but sob, tears streaming down your face as your entire body convulses. And when they finally, finally bottom out together, the world goes white.
"Shh, you're alright," Rafayel soothes, although his voice is trembling, the sound broken as he tries to catch his breath. "Doing so well for us, cutie, so perfect."
Xavier growls, his hands grabbing the headboard. He's barely holding on, not with the way Rafayel's cock twitches against his own, your hot walls clenched tightly around the two of them as you beg.
"Please, can't- too much, more, I need-"
There's a broken sob, and then Xavier’s slamming his hips forward, fucking into you with a brutality he usually saves for Rafayel, the force sending the three of you rocking against the mattress, headboard splintering under the strength of his grip. The other leaves to thumb at your nipples, lips following suit as he rambles, drunk off your pussy, "These would look s'pretty filled, even more sensitive. Bet you'd let us milk you, fill you up even more."
"And here, you'll feel us here too, won't you?" A hand moves lower- whose you no longer are coherent enough to care- brushing over the swell of your abdomen, the slight bulge appearing and disappearing where both of them are thrusting violently into you. "Be a waste not to. Imagine it, a painted mess filled with us.”
And you are. You can't think about anything else, not with the way they're stuffing you full— every time Rafayel's cock would settle near your g-spot Xavier’s would ram back in, forcing the former up against your cervix before pulling out entirely, repeating the vicious rhythm as the pain bled into pleasure.
Tears stream down the side of your face, room spinning into dizziness until all that remains are the burning trails of their touch, the only things keeping you grounded.
Rafayel's sucking into your shoulder, biting the sweat-slicked flesh, and you can feel his hips begin to stutter underneath you, already reaching his high despite Xavier still pounding into you with the same intensity, desperate to catch up.
The moment Xavier feels Rafayel's release, it's over. Your back arches up against him, convulsing against their hold, your abused walls clenching down so tightly that you’re practically begging for them to come inside, sucking them in deeper and deeper until it’s impossible for them not to follow.
It's a violent orgasm, hot squirt of your cum drenching Xavier’s abs, the intensity of it causing Rafayel’s vision to white out too, unable to hear the desperate sounds of your moans, not when his blood is rushing past his ears.
Then, the world comes crashing back.
Rafayel’s panting, still thrusting weakly into the slick, tight heat as he emptied himself inside you, the sheer overload of it gushing down your legs and onto the sheets.
"Ah- Xavier," you whine, the sound muffled into his chest as Xavier continues to chase after his high, too lost in his late orgasm to pull out.
The overstimulation is torture, your body twitching and trembling with every sloppy thrust. The moment he finally pulls out, the mess follows, thick, white rivets leaking down your thighs, the sheer volume near damn concerning had you the capacity to focus on it.
Rafayel laughs, fingers swirling through the cum as though painting your thighs, "That's not going to be easy to clean up."
"S'gonna look pretty. Messy. Full." Xavier murmurs, still pinning the both of you beneath him as he collapses in exhaustion, fingers dancing over the small swell in your stomach. Pressing lightly, he watches in fascination as their mixed cum gushes out faster, and you whimper, gripping his wrists to stop before they get any more ideas.
You're not sure what's worse, the fact that they're both still hard and the way they're looking at you, or the fact that their words have your exhausted body already trying to recover, a shiver running through your sore muscles as the room's cool air brushes over the slick, sticky mess between your thighs.
"You're both so disgusting," you groan, the words coming out slurred and barely audible.
"You love it."
"Yeah," Xavier's agreement is soft and almost hesitant. "You love us."
"Yes, I love both of you. Now get the fuck off of me." A shove, your shaking arm barely affecting Xavier as he finally relents, a small smile on his lips as he rolls the three of you down into the bed, resting on your sides.
The muscles in your thighs scream in relief as they’re finally placed down, every inch of your body sore and marked up in one way or another, every visible bruise and bite getting pampered in faux apologies by the two men snuggling up next to you.
It’s a tangle of limbs, Xavier already claiming your chest again as he nuzzles into your breasts while Rafayel simply curls himself around your back. A hand there, an arm there, and a little more muffled bickering. Yet you all fit together, and sleep comes easy now.
And the nightmares never return.
#love and deepspace#rafayel x you x xavier#love and deepspace x reader#lnds smut#l&ds smut#love and deepspace smut#lads x reader#lnds rafayel#l&ds rafayel#rafayel x reader#rafayel smut#xavier smut#xavier x reader#xavier love and deepspace#poisonwrites
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Tried to write something Deranged™ and Fucked Up™ and ended up with one character describing at length how excited they are over the idea of listening to their spouse talking about a book they like.
#to be fair. this thing IS still pretty deranged™#like this IS very much a story people will have to be wary of regarding the trigger warnings#but I gotta have people bonding over shared Nerd Interests™#also several key emotional development moments hinge on classical music so there's that#The Fic That's A Lot#the thing is. this is mostly a thought exercise. I wanted to try writing something different than the kinds of things I normally write#and there's a lot of oblique exposure-related stuff tied up in this too that I would rather set myself on fire than fully explain#so it's been. a Process™. even more than writing usually is. I gotta have some easier/more personally familiar kinds of moments in there#just so I actually finish the damn thing#(my God I am so sorry everyone is probably getting SO annoyed about me talking about this and STILL NOT HAVING IT FINISHED when#it's been like 5-6 months)#(<-it's The Condition™)
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