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Why does hydrocodone make me want 2 interact with everyone and everything
#999#but also i am so drowsy i dont wanna move#my pain is gone tho its mostly just a mild headache and ear ringing now#the swelling has not gone down tho#i think. honestly a lot of it is fluid bc its now draining when i press on my face thru my gums#i gotta hold a piece of tp 2 it to drain it bc its so fkn nasty#imagine how yr belly button smells when u aint showered in a Whiiile right. but its liquid and in ur mouth n tastes like that nd bad breath#Having a terrible time#if u read thru these tags please god if i have any kind of tooth issue#Get it fixed as soon as u can#there are occasional free dental clinics#if yr local university has a dental thing its usually cheapest before the issue gets 2 where im at now
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I'm still learning the characters rn so this might not be accurate but please tell me its at least funny
#i saw that post that was like 'if you were my husband I'd poison your coffee' and 'if you were my wife id drink it' and got inspired#vil schoenheit#rook hunt#twisted wonderland#twst#rookvil#vilrook#idk what is more common a ship name for them and this isn't technically ship art but......... still#no one ask me to draw vil again I did not do him justice at all ghhhh#u can tell im tired and just needed to get this idea out as soon as physically possible before it haunted me lol#I FIXED the height difference bc I was embarrassed#i really thought Rook was taller until 2 seconds after posting and im ashamed#fanart
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shenanigans
#pizza tower#peppino#pepperman#the noise#gustavo#spicy hot#suggestive#ONLY A LITTLE#heehee i am FREE from my commission shackles. this is a threat AND warning#gonna post some of the ACTUALLY not sfw stuff soon i think; dont wanna make a twitter for it#they wont be in the main tags but ill put them behind some jokey joke meme pic and then a readmore#bc like even if u put a readmore to cover the images. when its recommended to others from a DIFFERENT post#the first image u used still pops up any way#and i dont want to put peptitties out for everyone to see LMAO#anyway#ive had this idea for ages; peppino getting stuck w pepperman on the their way to a gala#and pepperman is like do not worry my friend; i will simply call in a helicopter to come pick us up :)#and peppino is like WHAT?? dont do that !!!! its just a flat; i can fix that!#but i just now thought of adding the others lol i wanted an excuse to draw them w some fancy hair :)!#noise is like. um. theres no way I can sit here for 20 minutes and NOT embarrass myself. im going to find a rock to sit on#and not look at him#self imposed timeout and naughty shame corner#gustavos comment is from a tag i saw on a post that made me scream laugh#and pepperman watches intently bc that is his muse and he likes committing peppinos form to memory heehee
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i'm now looking at my list of least favorite french words to pronounce and going "too many r's" for about 40% of them and "skill issue" for most of the rest. some of these are actually very fun to pronounce i just couldn't wrap my tongue around them a year or so ago, but now i can i guess??? so that's very exciting. makes me hope that someday i'll be able to pronounce the rest of them. this is a bit pie in the sky because i really don't see myself ever getting there with procureur du roi but you never know. and luckily the french abolished the monarchy so it's not like i'll ever have to use that phrase in modern conversation.
anyway here are the words i actually love pronouncing now: décaféiné diététicien filleul pneumonie
i now feel normal/neutral about these words that used to be hard for me: automne, condamner douloureux électricité, énergie inférieur, supérieur, etc. itinéraire lourdeur salmonellose sclérose subodorer succincte
words that are definitely within the realm of my current capability but i haven't practiced them enough: bugle hiérarchisation méditerranéen phtisie
words that are still the bane of my existence but i live in hope: [yʁ] plus at least one other r or [y] sound: chirurgie, fourrure, marbrure, moirure, nourriture, ordures, peinturlurer, procureur du roi, prurit, purpurin, sculpture, serrurerie, structure, sulfureux, tournure all words beginning with ur-, hur-, or sur- other difficult sequence of r's and vowels: construire and other -truire verbs; lueur and sueur; utérus too many r's: marbre, martre, meurtre, opprobre, proroger, réfrigérateur, rétrograde, rorqual difficult sequence of vowels and/or semivowels: coopérant, extraordinaire, hémorroïdal, kyrie eleison, météorologique, micro-ordinateur, micro-organisme, mouillure, quatuor, vanillier not pronounced the way i would expect from the spelling: indemne, penta-, punk just hard for some reason: humour
#girl you didn't like filleul????? get well soon damn#the french love writing about linden trees (tilleuls) so i've now had tons of practice with that sequence of sounds and love it#all the words that are hard for some reason other than r sounds is just a skill issue. and it makes sense because a lot of them are#not common words so when would i even be practicing them?#the words that are hard because of r sounds is also a skill issue but that's one that i don't know i will be able to fix through practice#i think i have maybe plateaued with my r sounds lol. but you never know!#bugle is a funky word. i want to love it. someday i will.#you'd think i would have méditerranéen down by now since it is a pretty common word. but it still trips me up. i'll get there#sur- words are bad because i just end up whistling the s?? i think i'm pronouncing the [y] too forward in the mouth#i just looked at my ladefoged and he's like 'rounding lowers the second formant so [y] sounds like it's between [i] and [u]'#but i think i'm trying too hard to get it really close to [i] and maybe overcompensating for the formant drop#and actually pronouncing [y] MORE forward in the mouth than [i]? that's my guess#french#fun with pronunciation#my posts#i deleted a couple words from the list if i couldn't remember why they were hard. filtre? what's so bad about filtre...#yeah folklore is a little weird in french but it's not like putting an l before a k is phonotactically illegal it's just unusual#and not at all difficult for an anglophone ultimately#lubrifiant? idk why i would have felt strongly enough about lubrifiant to go back in my drafts several pages to add it to the post#the rest of these though i can explain. électricité and énergie were hard because my mouth just automatically wanted to pronounce#the second vowel as é as well#automne and condamner were hard because you don't nasalize the vowel before the m AND you don't pronounce the m#these are now so normal to me that i can't get myself to remember the pronunciation of indemne (in which the m IS pronounced)
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repeating “jealousy is a disease get well soon bitch” in my head every time i block rude anons and delete hatemail so i can try to brush it off but i am not ur strongest soldier so can you all stop being mean 🩷 please
#♡.gabi barks#im okay i prommy (im crying rn)#like omg seriously what did i do!!!!! i dont do anything but mind my fucking business!!!! and talk to my precious little friends!!!!!! but#apparently i cant even do that bc no matter what i always get meanies in my inbox 🤞#like im seriously not doing anything i just came back and im already receiving asks telling me to kms and deactivate like do yall realize#im a person too.. like im literally real and i have feelings and im not a complete ditz#like what is so hard about treating people with kindness!!!!#ive spent all morning blocking mean anons and deleting asks and trying to brush off the mean words i see and receive and it hurts!!!!#im just a girl#if u send hate or tslk meanly to or about me im assuming ur a LEWSER and have no life bc i dont even do anything fr!!!!! im coolin!!!!!#i was gonna post this with the jealousy is a disease get well soon girl meme but i couldnt find it#anyway im fine!!!! (as im actively texting my therapist)#no bc im so upset and so angry WHAT AM I DOING WRONG#what am i doing to deserve this like please give me a valid answer so i can fix it im so tired of being sad and mistreated and bullied :(#i know i promised i was gna try to be more active but my little heart is so heavy and sad
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hahaha hey you guys guess what. you'll never believe it. got the guy who's in charge of my fraud case on the phone and he was like "who'd you give one-time security codes to yesterday" and i was like "the guy who called me from the fraud department after they noticed a weird login in florida??" and he was like "that was the fuckin hacker. you got got. IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!" i handed my entire savings over to a fucking guy on the phone on a silver platter. like some kind of fuckin rube. bro
#IT IS OK THOUGH I HAVE BEEN SORTING IT OUT#account is LOCKED DOWN! card is DELETED! fraud paperwork has been FILED! i have requested a fraud alert AND credit freeze#from the NATIONAL CREDIT BUREAU!#a friend of mine is taking me to MAINE next saturday to go to the BANK! i sent an email to my landlord asking if i can pay rent by CHECK!#i went to my other bank and deposited my BONDS! so i have some MONEY! to pay RENT!#i also got a new debit card from them. and made sure i could use my old checks.#i also bought some STAMPS while i was out and a BIRTHDAY PRESENT for a FRIEND#now i am going to start switching over some auto deposits#so when i get my paycheck on tuesday i will actually get it.#i feel so STUPID but i think i have done all i can to fix this. i am feeling better about it#by next weekend i will have my money again. it's all fine#and hopefully next time i will not get got so easily. lol.#anyway dont get got by people pretending to be your bank i guess. i did think it was weird how many questions they asked but..#they ALWAYS ask lots of questions at the bank!!!!!#i got a text message FROM the bank saying they would be calling me soon and then the next call was from the scammer#and then like a half hour later got one from the bank and was confused bc they'd just 'called me'#anyway. it'll be fine. scary for a while but at least i have things i can do to make it better. it's all good#genuinely feeling like i ought to take out like a thousand bucks cash and keep it in my desk to replace my bonds tho tbh hahah#just in case something like this happens again. you never know. what would i have done if i DIDNT have those yknow#ok thank u all for being along on this journey with me
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resisting the urge to incessantly text my dealer if carts landed by smashing k
#stream#not looking forward to telling my drug support person that i’ve been using powderrrrrss#messy#i just love downers#me resisting the urge to use the blow & t: 😶#like ALSKALKSAKSLAKSLAKSLA#CAN ANYONE FIND ME CLEAN SMACK 😭😭😭😭😭#i need weed#i need to get high#like#hour 14 no weed#sad !#not even the fake weed that i was smoking ALSKALSKALKALKSLAKALAKS#THE JEETERS LANDIN TODAYYYYY#I HOPE#SWEAR TO GOD#if not i’m just grabbing the hash idgaf#i just need to get high#anyway#<- has a problem#<- needs to deal w the weed problem#<- doesn’t consider weed psychoactive#<- weed is cigarettes#like deadass weed for me is LITERALLY just ‘smoking’ like it’s nicotine & thc i always have both w me#even the vapes 😭😭😭😭😭#like ok yall let me put some perspective: i take 2 vapes & hit blinkers on them at the same time to get out of bed#like is that healthy no am i going to deal w it also no#like at least the PHYSICAL thc withdrawals were fixed like soon after i picked up the fake weed pens lol#like ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSA#‘HOWD U KNOW ITS FAKE’ ‘WHY AM I GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWALS’
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I'm starting to think the reason I'm not as good of a writer as I want to be is because I like writing more than I like reading.
#which isnt to say i dont like to read#but i find it so difficult to get interested in new fiction#why would i bother reading stories other people wrote when i could just write mine?#i don't have this issue reading nonfiction ive been so into nonfiction#and i feel like THAT has helped me write better just by teaching me about more things so i can make worlds make more sense#but one time i told somebody i was writing a story that's kind of a zombie apocalypse but for plants and they said#'oh that's exactly like this other book' (i forget the name) 'you should read that one!'#and it made me unreasonably angry#i don't care abt someone else's story with a vaguely similar concept. i care abt mine.#and i know this makes me seem like an asshole and i probably am for this specific thing#but i read every book i could get my hands on as a child#and then as soon as i was able to write my own stories that stopped being the case#like all that reading was just training me to do what i can do now#and i think if i could just get over my disinterest in other ppl's fiction books and start practicing deconstructing what makes a good stor#i would start improving my writing more#and short stories! fuck. i hate reading other ppl's short stories unless they're written by friends#but as im starting to submit my short stories to publishing magazines n stuff#im realizing i'll have a better chance of getting published if i read the other stuff those mags have posted before#and write what they want to have submitted. but then it's not necessarily what *i* want to write. u know?#i don't know how to fix this fundamental problem of me preferring writing over reading#(and this applies to fanfic too btw. i hardly ever seek out fic to read unless a friend sends it to me. and often i like it when they do!#but not as much as i like writing or reading my own writing.)#just why would i READ when i could be WRITING and writing is so much more FUN
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i also got a bedroom door that doesn't lock, it really sucks so i'm sorry you're dealing with it too. when i feel particularly uneasy, i usually just put something kind of heavy in front of it which i think is technically unsafe but it feels a bit better.
i dragged furniture infront of it yeah. im going to sleep soonish hopefully
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#im so stressed about flying soon and idk if having aeroplane autism is going help this time 😭#masking for over 24 hours is going 2 fucking suck#also im checking my booking every other day to make sure none of the planes are changed to 747 max's#im pretty sure this trip is going to ruin flying for me completely which is sad because its something i always enjoyed since i was a kid#i like the turbulence i like the food i like looking out the window i like watching the little plane on the map#i get to see my family who live on the other side of the world from me#anyway can we go back 2 the days when u could go hang out in the cockpit w/ the pilots if u asked nicely i think this would Fix Me
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The masculine urge to be strong, consistent and vigorous (physically, mentally, emotionally) and provide (financially, basic needs, shelter, love) as an adult, who grew up in a wrecked and abusive home which then slashed gnarly tears in my spirit (and the life-long desire to have these gaps softened by real love)
#I'd been thinking about this#I mean... I'm succeeding in those areas. I put in a life's worth of work to outgrow my upbringing - tho in a tactic + considered manner#aka I didn't move out the flippin' house as soon as I could - since flat broke I couldn't had built the career I'm building right now i.e.#It hasn't been all daisies choosing to stay home but it has gotten me far and has made me resilient and strong 👐🤠#And now as I enter my 30s I feel I've been together enough for some years that I crave a love who lets me care like a boy lmao -#To eventually build a life with somebody that feels warm and secure and good. while my spirit can learn to heal/rest in their embrace#personal#When I say care like a dude it's not taking someone's independence away. like. just lemme fix your house defects or get u to eat fancy stuf
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absolutely getting fined for this ❤️
#soooo I took my fairy lights off my walls bc we’re all moving out soon and we’ve been joking about accidentally peeling the paint#and not only did the paint peel but there was soot EVERYWHERE#and naturally I took a wet cloth to it to clean it and yeah the small dots of soot where my lights had been came off#but instead they became huge smears of soot all over the fucking wall#and when I tried to clean THAT I made it worse#one wall is actually unsalvagable I’m gonna have to fully repaint it and pray#luckily it’s white so I don’t need to worry about shade matching and the lighting in my room is so appalling that I don’t think my landlord#will notice the one white wall is Significantly Brighter than the other#BUT ONE WALL IS THIS UGLY GREY BROWN COLOUR THAT MY FLATMATE ALREADY TRIED TO SHADE MATCH BC HERS PEELED#AND SHE CANT AND I LITERALLY HAVE SOOT SMEARS EVERYWHERE#it’s an £80 fine per wall im looking at potentially £160 in fines if I can’t fix this#my flatmate is gonna try fix it tomorrow bc I’m going home#she was actually really good about it like when I freak out I get angry and I was just raging about trying to fix it#and she was like ‘it’s okay I’ve seen worse I’ll do it tomorrow I guarantee I can get it off’ and I didn’t even ask her to#bc it didn’t even cross my mind to expect her to help with it so it was just sweet#I hope she can fix at least the coloured wall bc I can’t paint over that#the white wall I fucking doubt can be fixed but I can paint that one at least#I’m just so pissed off bc normally you put a deposit down at the start of the tenancy and if u damage the property they use that money#to cover the charges. like it’d be shit to not get my deposit back but in my head that’s money already spent#whereas this is just a straight up fee of £160 potentially#and I’m already so behind with money like I saved £2k for america so I have NOTHING ELSE banked#I owe my parents that £600 from rent still AND I owe my friend £155 bc we’re going to Ireland in September#like at least my friend is v understanding and I made it very clear before she agreed to cover me that I wouldn’t be able to pay back for#a good few months and she didn’t mind#so I’ll put that one on the back burner#but STILL WHAT THE FUCKKKKK I’m so mad why do I make such a mess out of literally everything it’s acc impressive#hella goes to uni
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#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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Im actually gonna cry
#riddle me this why the fuck do I have a card quota if I’m not a cashier#just bc u want me to do every fucking thing in this building#the more cards i get the slower I’ll get on the floor idc#also u got demoted. tf u checking my cards for#u got demoted and ur still doing the work u USED to get paid extra for!#kys#It’s annoying#ugh not to be braggy or whatever#but whenever ur good at ur job it’s like not even the managers who get pissed for the smallest thing#It’s ur other coworkers feeling vindicated when ur bad at smht#and It’d be smth if I did the same to them but no! never!#like no ur an asshole man#u know what would fix me#WAIT I CAN DO IT NOW MY#LIGHTERS COMING SOON#does it matter if the candles aren’t skin safe#i think if I use one it won’t matter#I’ll buy some skin safe ones soon#Im just gonna crawl outta my fucking skin if I don’t do something#and I’ll cry for something stupid#at least I can cry for smth that would actually hurt yknow
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Hello 👋 🤗,
I hope you are well 🌺.
I am writing to you with a heart full of hope and faith, asking for your urgent help. My family is in great danger due to the war, and I am running a fundraising campaign to save them.
Please, could you reblog the post about my campaign on my account? Every share can make a difference in my family's life. 🙏
Note:My old Tumblr account was deactivated💔, and I need your support again♥️.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for any help you can provide. 🌹🌺
hello!
i try to avoid any potentially stressful things on this blog, since i have nothing to donate and hate the guilt of being unable to help.
this is the link to the gofundme, and its been vetted plenty,by what i saw. im glad youre getting closer to your goal and wish you safety and fortune going forward.
#asks#donation#i ma not going to make a habit of reblogging these things since i have so few followers and the only good i think this does#is take a moment to show where i stand(people should not be killed en masse)#anyways. i tried to donate a few times but it refused-my only guess as to why would be a currency uh transfer issue? would you happne#to have any alternate payment methods outside of gofundme? i have like 10 usd in my spendings i can try to give#jts not much but it can help add up i hope .#but . to anyone who is reading this i assume that if you could donate you probably have and if you cant then theres no point in just . guilt#it doesnt make things better to hate yourself for not being able to fix thhings so dont worry .#itll all be ok in the end so if its not ok its not the end <-only thing keeping me going some days</3#hopefully some day youll get to the point you have the opportunity to help others . whether that be disposable income#or a moment in time you can offer .whatever . if that time isnt now thats fine itll come eventually so just keep going#any ways . i just dont like people feeling guilty for something they cant change or didnt choose. its not ur fault#n as long as you choose to help when u can thats the thing that defines you and the thing that matters#(this would have gone on my sb for these kinds of things since they stress me out to no end but since the ask was sent here#thats where its gonna end up ig</3)#hope everyone has a good day or moment . if not now then soon . just to take a moment and breathe and feel okay#that would be nice
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@ my ex ay yo get ur shit off my calendar lmao
#/j lol#idek if he knows my current url. but if he does: boy shoo. scram. skedaddle. i'm done w/ u. i been done w/ u.#last i checked his friends were dinks who said they wouldnt care if i died. 🥴 (that was 3 yrs ago or smth @ this point but still.)#like ik i was shitty as fuck. but like. i was 18-20 & freshly out of a shitty situation. idk if 3 yrs is gonna fix my bullshit.#yeah i can only imagine how horrifically exhausting i was to be around. but like. lbr. what did u expect.#did u honestly expect me to be perfect & normal as soon as we moved out#ur trauma might have made u soft (which is fine). but mine made me callous and mean. that's just a fact.#i'm not shit talkin his decisions; he had to do what was best for him. and i respect that.#i'm mostly miffed @ his friends LOL#his friends wre basically like: ''once an abuser always an abuser. no exceptions. only fictional abusers are ok.'' like. hello. what.#idgaf if im misinterpreting what they said lmao. they still said. verbatim. ''i wouldn't care if you lived or died.''#the Eldest of his friends said that as well. (i think they were 25 or 27??)#is a scared and injured dog not worthy of life? hello? and what is the difference between a man and a dog?#i've said it before & i'll say it again: i just needed more time to get better. but he didn't have to give me that time. and that's fine.#i didn't have enough time to grow out of my shit. nor did i have the best resources. it took my mom like 5-6 yrs to get better.#but she still fucks up sometimes. and she's still unintentionally mean. and she's in her 50s#gave me a wake-up call like no other tho i'll tell u what lmao#orignaletti
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