#Gen Loss Episode 3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

barzzal · 7 months ago

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call me crosby → part six

summary: Young, reckless, and rash, an unplanned pregnancy causes a massive rift in your relationship with then, cup-hungry 27 year-old Sidney Crosby. As he gets caught up in his own childish and selfish ways, confused to what was once certain, he lets you struggle alone. His absence reasons a miscarriage scare that leads you to end the relationship. Years after losing you, having to live a life that’s surrounded with the families his friends have built through the years embodies his greatest regret. Now with three cups and tons of awards at his disposal, Sid is given a chance to right his wrongs and win what was once the biggest loss of his life.

pairing: sidney crosby x fem!reader gen. warnings: language and theme, co-parenting, mentions of pregnancy & false miscarriage, sexual/suggestive themes, 18+ ch. warnings: parenting, tantrums, and a tad bit of angst genre: hockey rpf, fluff, angst, kid-fic, exes to lovers length: series; 5.2k masterlist: the barn, series masterlist

note: REALLY hoping i get to finish this while on my uni break. This was supposed to be posted on father's day but ya girl was on a trip i had to make most of it yk! Also, do note that the italicized part is a quick flashback. Anyway, happy reading! <3 (gif used: mine)

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. teasers, interviews, events, and the like that are included in the series are purely made for fictional purposes and do not/should not represent any of the names involved in real life. please proceed with caution.

Two words. Terrible twos.

It was one of the things your mom has told you about raising a child of your own. It was a stage full of tantrums and frustrations; one you’ve never dealt with before. You were told that it was overwhelming, that you have to prepare yourself mentally and physically for it. However, your son, as the marvel child that he is, was so good at that age that you need not have to worry about it.

Well, not until a few years later.

“Mommy, please!” Luke wails in frustration from the living room.

He has been asking for a little more screen time watching his show instead of doing his homework. And be that as it may, he has been adamant about not getting what he wanted.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks, following Luke’s realization of not getting to play much of hockey. Frankly, as well as not seeing much of Sidney.

“Honey, you’ve been watching for almost two hours. That’s enough.” you say, massaging your temple as you walk towards where he is, trying not to lose your temper.

You and your son have always been in sync. You have not really had the chance to reprimand or give him a good scolding. Lucas is a fairly calm child right from the beginning. To say the least, dealing with his temper tantrums now is a lot harder than you’ve prepared for.

You see him sitting on the couch holding the remote tightly. His cheeks are still evidently damp from all the crying. You know he’s bound to strain his voice just by looking at him.

“Two hours is not enough!” he appeals. Just like you thought, his voice is now nearly gone from all the screaming. “Please, I want my TV!”

It is during times like this where you have to try harder as a mother. You know it will not always be rainbows with Luke. But despite your efforts to ensure that he would be able to express himself when you greatly need it, you can’t blame a child for not knowing exactly how he feels nor the reason for it. You just wish he’d be able to let you know even just a little. At least then, you could make it all better.

“Baby,” you endearingly call for him as you approach.

With a soft smile on your face, you caress his hair. Your hands then fall to his cheeks so as to wipe his tears away.

“You’ve already watched a lot of episodes today...” you carefully work your way in; gently reminding him of his acquired screen time.

Frustratingly, Luke’s voice breaks as he tries to tell you he wasn’t going to watch any more episodes of Paw Patrol and the new Lego Spiderman.

“Then what were you trying to watch?” you ask him with the same nurturing voice.

You see Luke shoot a glance over the screen that you’ve already turned off half an hour ago.

Yes, this has been going on for that long.

“Mkay, you may turn it on so you can show me.”

There comes a glint of hope in his eyes the moment he hears you. You fight the urge to chuckle, finding it quite adorable.

Luke, now standing on his feet, finds the red power button and points it towards the television. Once it’s turned on, the thumbnail of a show greets you; one that you least expected– one that you clearly were not ready for.

“So tell us guys, how can we make hockey more fun?” said the last voice you wanted to hear.

Sid and Nathan in their respective jersey’s for a commercial a few years back comes into view. You know that it was one of his brand commitments that he still does to this day. You were just not aware that Tim Horton’s apparently had this particular video uploaded for everyone to see.

As you watch the clip turn over to a handful of kids skating towards the two famed athletes, you make the mistake of taking the remote from your son to pause the short youtube clip quite hastily. You inevitably surprise him with your reaction thereby scaring him.

Upon deducing that you were upset by the show that he has chosen, Luke begins to cry even harder than before.

Alarmed, you put away the remote and reached for him. You let him fall in your arms whilst he buried his face in your chest.

“I’m sorry, baby. Mommy didn’t mean that.” you try to convince him, caressing his head. You feel disgusted with yourself because you know this is not the way you wanted this moment to unfold.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Mommy.” Luke says in between his sobbing. He hugs you tighter whilst in a heaping mess.

“Hush, it’s okay.” you comfort him. “I’m sorry too.”

You let him cry himself out. It may be heartbreaking for you, but you couldn’t think of any other way to help your seemingly helpless child. The only thing you could offer him is the assurance that you will always be by his side when he needs you.

You know that the overwhelming surge of emotion he’s feeling now is quite new for him. Dealing with his outburst may be tough on your end, but you can’t even imagine how much harder it must have been for a child to be utterly clueless as to why he is crying.

Swiftly, just like you used to do when he was a baby, you sway your body whilst Luke stays in your embrace. Once Luke’s breathing begins to calm down, you lovingly caress his back; deciding to try again.

“How are you feeling, darling?”

Luke doesn’t utter a word. However, you feel him move even closer to your body as if there was any space left. You tighten your hold on him as you place a kiss atop his forehead.

“Mommy’s not mad at you, okay?”

With what you assume is the last of his sobs, Luke quietly replies, “Okay…”

He breaks away from your hold and looks you in the eye, “I’m sorry.”

You offer him a reassuring smile, “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to scare you, honey.”

You plant a wet kiss atop his nose, making him giggle.

“May I know why you wanted to watch more TV?” you ask.

When you see a hint of hesitation on his demeanor you add, “I’m not upset. I promise. Go on, you can tell me.”

“Sidney…”

“Do– Do you miss him?” you ask hesitantly, afraid to hear what his answer might be.

Your son nods, “Uh-huh.”

Of course.

Luke continues, “He said… he’s going to play with me when he comes back.”

“Where is he, Mom? Why isn’t he back?”

“I…” you struggle. You didn’t know how to tell him that this was all because of your doing. “I don’t know, honey.”

Luke looks at you with his little eyes, all too tired from crying. “Doesn’t he wanna play with me?”

You shake your head, determined not to put thoughts in his head that could be a detriment as to how he saw Sidney. Funny how you still instinctively did things for Sidney’s sake.

“Of course, he does, sweetheart. He’s just—”

Your son interrupts, “He’s just what?”

You caress his cheek as you say, “He needed to take care of some stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

You hum, playing with his hair. “Stuff like what Mom also has to take care of sometimes.”

You think of an example. “Like, when I leave you with Aunt Claire for a little while, you remember?”

He looks up at you with enthusiasm in his voice when he says, “Aunt Claire always gives me M&Ms.”

You give him a warm and knowing smile. “She does, doesn’t she?”

Your son continues, “She also gives me candy when you come back.”

“Yes! See– I always come back, right?” you begin to explain. “Sidney’s gonna come back too, honey. It’s just taking a while. We need to wait a bit longer.”

Luke tilts his head, “Longer?”

“Yes, right. Can you do that? Can you wait a little more for Sidney?”

Once again, only with a discernible smile spreading on his lips, your son nods.

“Are you gonna wait for him too?”

It takes a few seconds before you are able to answer.

“Yes. I am also waiting for him.”

𖥸

Days have gone and your son stayed true to his words. He’s waiting patiently for Sidney.

In the meantime, Luke has shifted his focus on his art albeit not entirely off hockey given that most of his drawings were of hockey sticks, pucks, and the Pittsburgh Penguins logo.

You no longer mind for as long as he is, for lack of a better term, distracted. You and Sidney have remained in no contact with one another and it is highly likely to remain the same. You may have kept in touch with Cath and Anna but neither of them gave you word as to how Sidney was doing. Surely, they were thinking you did not really care for it. Did you?

You sigh, watching your son soundly asleep as he takes his afternoon nap. Days have been quite easier ever since the night you last saw Sidney. But you have to admit, seeing your son’s room now reminds you of him. You would have easily shut down the idea of having Sidney taint the corners of your home with his presence; particularly your son’s room. It would have easily aggravated you, perhaps fuel the hate you have for him even more. How come you don’t? How come what you feel instead is the void in your gut that is melancholy.

Quietly, you shut the door of your son’s room to let him rest.

You have been pondering as to how to remedy your situation with Sidney but alas, nothing came close to a practicable and civil reconciliation. You knew full well that co-parenting would be hard given the fact that it was one of the reasons why you chose to be your son’s only parent. You just fell short of realizing how it will equally be as hard on you. As much as you’d give every fiber of your being to be the best Mother you can be to your child, it kills you to acknowledge that Luke needs someone other than you, even more so that it inevitably means him needing his father.

Perhaps Sidney isn’t the only one who had a hand in everything falling apart. ‘Perhaps’ is a little far fetched but a mere inkling would suffice. You are not yet ready to acknowledge you had your share in the wrongs that make up this little broken family of yours.

You were putting away Luke’s plushies in his toy bin when you heard the doorbell ring. You place the bin on the floor before you make your way to the front door. It was unusual given that you were not really expecting anyone to drop by. The only close friends you have in the city would not be so careless in doing so for obvious reasons.

You take a quick glance on the doorbell camera and your heart immediately sinks.

Of all the people you’d expect to be waiting at the other side of the door, she would be the last one.

The moment you opened the door you were welcomed with eyes as blue as the ocean back home, hair that is as gold as the afternoon sun, and a smile that’s entirely identical to Sidney’s and your son’s.

Close to losing all the words you know, you were able to say one name.

“Taylor.”

She wastes no second, “Is it true?”

You see Taylor’s eyes wander off to Luke’s toy bin sitting idly near the staircase. The discerning look on her face let you know she no longer needed an answer.

“Come in.” you say.

Quiet and unsettling air sits as you invite Sidney’s sister inside your home. You did not really know where to begin. The best thing you can do now is to lead her to your living room, offer some tea, and sit in silence.

“Can I get you anything? I might have some tea lying around.” you say, offering formalities.

Taylor gives you a tight-lipped smile. Reserved. You get it. You would be too if you recently learned you had a nephew.

“Water would be nice.” she replies.

You give her a swift nod just as you tell her, “Please, make yourself comfortable.”

You turn on your heels and make your way towards the kitchen with cold hands and a pounding heart. Sitting with Sidney’s sister for afternoon tea isn’t exactly what you had in mind spending your time off work.

Needless to say, you prolong the trip to the kitchen and back to the living room. You need to buy yourself some time to process what’s about to happen.

Upon your return, you see Taylor looking at the photo wall you’ve created through the years. The very same one you caught Sidney looking at the first time you invited him over.

When the two of you catch each other’s gaze, you offer Taylor an apologetic smile. It’s true. You now realize how your new life — your growth looked like through the eyes of your old friends. A harsh reminder that none of them are in it.

You and Taylor were good friends ever since Sidney brought you to Halifax to meet his folks. You always had a hard time warming up to people you barely know, but with Taylor… well, she made it so easy.

If only she knew of the things you’ve gone through subsequent to the better parts of your life with her brother. Maybe then, she’d understand.

The two of you utter each other’s names at once, immediately stopping upon realization.

You gladly let Taylor know she could continue what she was about to say. After all, you know she has nothing but questions that only you could answer.

The first thing she asks is, “What happened?”

You begin to explain. You tell her about the first time you knew you were pregnant, the moment you told Sidney, and how things unraveled shortly after that. You spared her no detail of what has come and gone; the years that flew by so quickly and dreadfully slow at the same time.

“I didn’t know things were that hard,” she says apologetically, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because,” you pause, “I knew Sidney felt alone.”

With kind eyes, Taylor replies, “So were you.”

Taylor has always been on your side despite being Sidney’s sister. She knew how difficult her brother can be. After all, she grew up with him.

You sigh because what she said was true. You and Sidney were alone together. But regardless of the wall that separated the two of you, you didn’t want to let Sidney feel as alone as you felt when he left you. Maybe that’s why you inadvertently left Taylor out of the mess just so Sidney felt he still had someone on his side.

“At the time everyone blamed him for not wanting a child.” you begin, “I knew that if I told you, you’d feel the same as I do. I didn’t want him to feel that his sister was against him too.”

“Listen,” she says, “When Sid told me, I swore that I was gonna come up here and be mad at you… but for years, I’ve seen how the game ate up most of the Sid I knew. So I guess, I couldn’t really blame you.”

“I only did what I thought was the best for us.” you say honestly, “I just didn’t think the repercussions of my action would bring us into this much mess.”

It’s true. The life you pictured with your son excluded Sidney, but you should have known that what Claire told you was right the moment you came back to Pittsburgh with your son. Sure, the first year went by so blissfully. But you have forgotten yet another circumstance you should have known before you dealt another card: Luke.

Luke is growing up exactly how you dreamt him to be. A boy who has a mind of his own. You cannot really expect him to go along your every plan if he’s already becoming his own person, can you?

You hate yourself for it. However, you’ll hate yourself even more if you deprive him of something he is entitled to have no matter how much you’re against it.

Taylor stayed for a while. You spend the time showing her memories you’ve made with Luke. You showed pictures of your son as a newborn, the many birthday parties you have thrown for him, even the ones you have taken of him playing hockey. Taylor savored every bit of the nephew she could get to know. The only thing left now is to finally meet him.

With nothing but a humble heart you hold Taylor’s hand and say, “I’m really sorry.”

Taylor puts her hand on top of yours, giving it a squeeze. “I understand.”

“Do you want to meet him?”

“I do,” she gives you a warm smile, “but not when you and Sidney have yet to patch things up.”

You let go of her hand and sigh. You understood what she wanted you to do. For the first time, you wanted the same thing too.

“I’ll talk to him.”

𖥸

July has been warming up the city but your words still rang in Sidney’s ears as if it had just been uttered.

“I’m done.”

As hard as it was to admit, Sidney knew that the article was the final nail in the coffin — the final string that would make him understand why you had to keep his son away from him. Just like all the other times, you were right. He had always been less of a man much like all the others.

He couldn’t wrap his head around how he managed to screw things up worse than he already had even when he was barely making any progress. Perhaps, it was foolish of him to think he can still make it work. After all, what more remedy could he do to the very thing you have long buried six feet under?

Instead, what he did was go home to Halifax days subsequent to the release of the controversial article. The last thing he wanted was attention so he did the sanest thing he could think of: renovate his lake shed.

Apart from the fact that it was the off-season, Sidney could not see himself staying in his Pittsburgh home. The night you ended the attempt to co-parent with him only reminded Sidney of the time he foolishly thought he had already purged out of his system. It was as if he had been brought back to the night he was told his child was gone.

“Please don’t end us.” he says, knees already on the cold hospital floor. “Please don’t make me leave.”

Sidney feels your grip on his hand tighten as an attempt to break off his hold, but before you can do so, the door to your room opens to reveal Kris and Geno rushing to take Sidney away from you.

“Sidney,” he hears Geno call his name.

He didn’t budge. He wasn’t going anywhere without you. He knew you needed him. He understood what had to be done. A little too late, but he’s here now.

“Y/N-”

“Sid,” Kris places a hand on his shoulder just as he firmly says, “let her rest.”

It was the least Sidney could do. To let you be — as he had easily done so when it was the last thing you wanted.

Sidney came back to the hospital with a bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hands. He walked the halls with hope only to find out you were no longer there. He had been cut off as soon as Kris and Geno walked him out of your hospital room — the last time he was ever going to see you.

He waited for hours sitting on the lobby bench beside your hospital room. If it were not for the next patient arriving to occupy the room, Sidney would not have probably left.

The days he spent in your shared home haunted him of the days he had left you alone in it waiting for him to come home. The house he had built with his fame and successes have now become a constant reminder of what a failure it really was.

Sidney sighed once he finished a glass of water. He absent mindedly places it atop the counter as his eyes remained in focus at a photograph placed on his refrigerator. It had been a while since he last saw it. After all, he only gets to go home during the off season.

He walks towards the fridge and takes the photo in his hand. It was the first sonogram you had of your son. The one you dread having to leave when you finally had the courage to leave Sidney, but the last possession Sidney has of the life he could have been living.

With eyes now glistening with impending tears, Sidney lightly rubs his thumb on the picture — what was once a tiny little peanut has grown to become a boy Sidney could no longer keep out of his mind. He’s hurting at the fact that he misses you — but his heart aches at the thought of Luke eventually forgetting about him. Sidney knows he’s going to be yet another random ‘Mr.’ at a camp that happened to teach him a sport he will grow up to forget eventually. All those memories Sidney will bring with him to his deathbed will surely be forgotten by the time the tiny little peanut graduates from college.

Who else could he blame for the life he’s now living however miserable it may be? You offered him this life with your own life on the line. Sidney did nothing but toss it aside because he was set on his ways. He couldn’t blame anyone but himself. Perhaps, that’s what he should bring to his deathbed.

Sidney’s self-loathing was put into a halt when he heard a chime coming from his phone already buzzing on his kitchen counter.

He sees a message that almost had him on his knees.

Just below your name were the words he had least expected but mostly hoped to read, “Can we talk?”

𖥸

As soon as you were able to set a date, Sidney wasted no time and got in the next flight bound for Pittsburgh. Sidney had two days to prepare before meeting you and while that seemed like enough time to be able to think about what he’s going to say the moment he sees you, he could neither ascertain how to explain nor justify his shortcomings. So, he won’t.

Sidney watches your car pull over the driveway after having opened his gate. After the tedious two-day wait, you were back. Well, at least that’s what Sidney thought at the time. Because unlike him, it was not just two days — it has been six years.

Sidney was chivalrous enough to let a few seconds pass before he finally opened the door for you although to tell you the truth, he had been at the other side of it long before you rang the doorbell.

You follow Sidney’s steps as you make your way to the living room. Said walk was not like the others you used to thread on back when you were still together — it wasn’t so long and quiet. At least, it didn’t feel that way.

“Can I offer you a drink?” Sidney asks. The hoarseness in his voice strung along his words.

Has he been crying that much? His eyes were a bit tired. He hasn’t been sleeping. How come Kris said he was fine? But then again, Sidney has had quite a talent in putting up a facade. You catch him fiddling his thumb. When he sees where your eyes have been, Sidney immediately takes his hand into his pocket.

You immediately put your gaze elsewhere. “Uh, just water.”

As you scan the view that is Sidney Crosby’s home, one thing comes to mind: it looks nothing like Connor Mcdavid’s. Sidney’s was far more deserving to be featured in Architectural Digest. To hell with black and metal. This was a home.

Well, it is. Just not for Sidney.

Even if it was, a part of you knew Sidney would never parade his home for everyone else to see; let alone have it printed on a magazine.

Apart from the wood panels that fashioned the ceilings, everything else was unfamiliar. It was as if you never lived in it. He had new pieces displayed in various corners of the room. Some of it worth millions sitting idly beside or on top of worn out books like some mere paper weight.

Sidney also redid the floors. Neutral wide plank flooring. You thought that it was quite a bold choice considering the majority of the furniture you had before came in dark tones. But then, that made you realize Sidney also bought new furniture. He also changed a few fixtures, here and there. The white french sliding doors leading to the patio were now replaced with glass doors that had wood trimmings as well as the hallway leading to your old home office that now had interior glass doors. You notice tons of boxes you could see from the other side. Perhaps, he thought it would now be a good use for a storage space. After all, he had to fill in every bit of void you’ve left him with.

You tear your eyes away from the halls you used to frequent. Instead, you quietly follow Sidney’s footsteps. The house still had an open floor-plan. Sidney loved seeing everything at once. At least that hasn’t changed.

“Make yourself comfortable.” he says with a tight-lipped smile just as he turns towards the kitchen.

The cloud of uncertainty was still evident and heavy. To top it all, you were neither sure of what to tell him nor where to begin. Clearly, you should have bought yourself a bit more time before ringing his doorbell.

You hold your bag close to your chest once you’ve sat in Sidney's living room. You were wrong. The changes he made were drastic. His taste then was incomparable to how it is now. The Sidney you knew then wouldn’t be so meticulous as to what type of wood to use in his fireplace or what fabric to pick when it comes to throw pillows lining the couch. Hell, he wouldn’t have thought of having one — let alone five.

A quiet smile seeps in your lips. It’s nice that something good has come out of such an ugly chapter in your lives.

Your eyes catch a shade of blue and crimson red blankly displayed on the side of the room from where you were sitting. You feel a gnawing guilt resting in your guts as the painting comes into full view. You stand as your hand travels to your chest. It was a piece by Peter Doig called the “100 Years Ago”.

A man sits alone in a canoe in the middle of a quiet and still ocean. The man looks at you helpless and tired of what must have been an arduous journey. You meet his eyes, as if it were in desperate need of help. Your help. But then again, there’s an island waiting for him — even a house sitting on top of the hill. Couldn’t he just row his way and ask for help? Perhaps his inability to do so was due to the fact that he’d already gone to that house — maybe what it really was is just as empty as what he already had in the canoe.

As the eerily still piece settles before your eyes, you can’t help but think of what it must have been like to be the one that’s stuck. The man that was torn between two distances. To choose between whatever it was sitting before his eyes and the big island he can always call home.

“Hey.”

Sidney’s voice pulls you back to your feet.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting.” he says, two glasses of water in each hand.

“No, it’s all right.” you say.

“That–” you turn your gaze back to the painting before continuing, “That is something.”

Sidney gives a humble smile. “Thanks. I got it a couple of years back when I started renovating the place.”

It would be absurd to say that Sidney’s house has not changed since the last time you walked its halls. It did change. A lot. After all, you didn’t expect him to leave everything as it was; how you left it. Despite that, there was a little hope that Sidney did leave a bit of what might have reminded him of you untouched.

“So– listen, the reason why I came here.” you begin, hugging the glass with both your hands.

“I know. Taylor.” Sidney saves you the need to explain. “I’m sorry I told her. I wasn’t in my right mind the last couple of weeks.”

It’s true. He knew it must have been hard for you to tell Taylor everything. It was yet another reason for you to cut him completely out of your life, yet another rash decision, yet another failure. Sidney did what he could at the time and his only wish now is for you to understand. He had just lost you and his son twice. To have done otherwise would have made him lose his mind.

“No. It’s alright. She’s bound to know that she has a nephew.” you earnestly reply.

At this point, you have come to realize that you’ve been insufferable regardless of your own merits. Sidney thought he had lost a son. You couldn’t possibly deprive him of his own sister.

“How– how is he?” he asks, afraid of how he’ll be answered.

You look Sidney in his eyes just as you say, “He’s been missing you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

Sidney takes in the new information as a quiet smile spreads on his lips. Luke misses him.

Seeing Sidney’s reaction brought you a sense of guilt and warmth only a parent could feel.

“Honestly, Taylor visiting isn’t really the reason why I’m here.”

His brows quirk and asks, “What do you mean?”

“I think…” you say, fighting yourself from refusing to tell Sidney the truth. The very truth that you’re still having a hard time accepting.

“I think it’s time to acknowledge– and for me to accept, that my son needs you.”

It’s the truth. It might have been hard for you given that Sidney was the root of it all, but you could no longer put up with the way you have been treating Sidney at your son’s expense. You may still have bits of resentment towards what once was but that doesn’t give you a right to deprive your son of his right. A part of you may still hate Sidney for the pain he caused you, but you could not bear the thought of your son hating his father because of your own doing.

Sidney is at a loss for words.

“Do you really mean that?”

He sees you nod.

You give him a reassuring smile.

“It’s one thing to keep a father away from his child, but it’s another to keep a child away from his father.”

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@astrydis @sagebarzal @heysimps @barzybarz @penstxgal1968 @hockeytransplant @thescooby-gang @cherrylita @oleksiak-pettersson @matsbarzal @nhlgirl16 @titsbeauvillier @captainsimsam @matbarzyy @josthours @jostful @kazzilla @countryclubstarkey @barzysreputation @hoiyheadharpies @myhockeyworld87 @tovvaa @stfutkachuk @floralyn @barriesweet @je-ne-regrette-rien @cavill83 @princessphilly @tangercrosbyschultzfan25887 @just-gaily-things @virtuallighttrashgiant @klutchnetsov @cutiesara23 @lovethepreds @sxpollock @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @sweetlittlegingy @4ambagelbites @c-tangerine @2kidcrew @mbls2022 @barzeel @art-m-anic @squidlywiddly87 @midnightdancewiththestars @partypoison00 @aboveaveragehockeyboys @pagirl6866 @mikkorantanev @carter91 @leafs-forever @mitchsmullet @hockeyallthetime @hockeyunits @love-like-woaah @loserrlauraa @heatherawoowoo @kenyadakblalock @sc87 @livelysim @lordescomeback @dudde-44 @prettyboyjackhughes @stlbluesbrat21 @dorotheathe1 @elitebarzal @barzal-mat @spine-buster @canadian-girl87 @hugheswhore @barznasty2point0 @iamthebonecarver @hockeypills @dreamer1430 @tregua-oca @caprielly @nationalhoranleague @jessicascontes @meishaabae @ballsakic @lovethepreds @colecauliflower @punkharts @ilyasorokinn @whoeverineedtobe @lorrmorr @stargurl-battleship @thescooby-gang @licia332 @kidlnthedark @lilyevanswhore @mae114 @unfortunatelyiloveu @unfortunatelyilove @Heatherlcrosby87 @harrysfishbowl @0cean-vib3s @ilikeblue25 @wherethedinonuggies @nebsuli @thetoxicegg @sensoryyoverload @xserenax-13 @HockeyJedi13 @fallinallincurls @labellederessaca @besthockeyfics @72bread-pasta88 @iheartsidneycrosby @whatthepucknow @monalicia @eclecticfashionbookszipper @cappot @xelagirlxo @oceanlover0497 @nm-r @timahtime @dreamer1430 @beaubuckley @hockeyandsht @niki-is-a-thing @bookoftenderthoughts @exdepressedstressednotwelldress @duchesschameleon @majdoline @bookoftenderthoughts @prettybiching @killersandmonkeys @dreamsndior @svndraoh @2kidcrew @hock-ee @alo-delmar @afuturemilf @notanaccount-anymore @brias1201 @idkalexaaw @ghosttkat @thevannuckss @iangiemae @ashleymarine @abrianna14 @createdbyperfectfury @annie170315 @UrImaginesPimp @lemondropirwin @jenn22xoxo @theblushinglittle @ninjabritches @williamkarlssons @aecw @ninjabritches @Iminlovewithenchiladas @love-like-woaah @brehonodea @Fairygardenss @puck-up-sticks @Bxdbxtxh15 @penstxgal1968 @mp0625 @moon78universe @endlesswoods @bruins-simp @jonny-toes @lazysportsfanfornhl @queenmendes @tysonbarriedefensesquad @savage-aespa @kittymacaroons @pattiemac1 @simpforbucky17 @lwstuff @double-j @cynthia1guardia @taeminortaemout @midgasaurus0809 @nicoleloveshockey @oli-birchhall @cleofailsatjellyfishing @walkonthewiideside @cavill83 @lo-bells @beccaiscold @horchatayarroz @liv2640 @yassassqueen @lukeythemoosey @fadingwolfprincess @nm-r @electralove-m @hopewealwaysfeel @emsully2002 @idkjj04 @evelynevelyn19 @dasiysthings @heatherloves87 @hockeybabe87 @lady-laura-speaks @lynnismypseudonym @puckmetwice @nhlfs @l0veforhugh3s @matthewss34 @magicgif @lethalvenus @mysticaldonkey @oceanluver0497 @alexlynn16 @joansiekennedy @kirillkaprizovswife @trashstacey @wkndwlff @generally-disinterested @shadowwolf009 @ @ratqueeee @casualhilarity @theincognitoqueen @its-bitchin-belle-bitches @parkersmjs @5secondsofonedirection222 @love-like-woaah @rebbie444 @jack17s @sleepretreat @alicechugstea @velvetpucks @bellstwd @smoooore @books-hlmc @foreverateengirl @lupinslibraries @angelmitsuri @dasiysthings @crimsonred13 @justamessandahalf @coldheartedmar @naffeesaa @bradmarchand4prez @nonsensical-nonsense @ru-kru @noooraaa234 @alwaysclassyeagle @alice4313

note: patience patience patience. thank you all! ��

add yourself to the series taglist here. i appreciate all kinds of feedback! ♡

#sidney crosby #sidney crosby imagine #sidney crosby x reader #hockey imagine #hockey fanfiction #call me crosby #cmc #barzzal imagines #letters to crosby

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the-ipre · 1 month ago

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this was a good year for writing! i had such a wonderful time with dead boy detectives and have a lot of ideas going into the new year, and i'm very excited for it :3 for now though, here is a collection of all the fics i did this year!

platonic edwin & charles

being unknown - T, 15.6k, Hurt/Comfort and Canon-Typical Emotional Repression.

5 times Edwin didn't press the issue of Charles' hidden emotions, and one time he did.

the hallways of your mind - Gen, 3.1k, Pre-Canon Character Study

A character exploration of Charles through Edwin's eyes as he explores the bag of tricks backpack.

birth, death, and what comes next - Gen, 2k, Pre-Canon Developing Friendship

The boys talk birthdays, and what those mean when you aren't getting any older.

romantic payneland

you'll find someone true - T, 4.3k, Getting Together and Not Actually Unrequited Love

Charles gets Doppleganged, and Edwin has to choose which one to shoot (and which one to kiss).

kiss it better - Gen, 1.1k, Pre-Canon and Pre-Relationship

Edwin's got an iron burn, and Charles has an idea on how to help.

the warmth of your love - Gen, 2.1k, Post-Canon Domestic Fluff

When Charles has to deal with the after-affects of his death, Edwin is there to provide comfort and a warm cup of tea.

crystal focused

factory reset - Gen, 1.8k, Episode One and Memory Loss

Crystal grapples with everything she lost to David during a quite moment on the ferry to Port Townsend

burnt through memories - Gen, 1.8k, Nightmares and Memory Loss

Crystal wakes up from a nightmare, and Edwin tries to provide comfort in his own stilted way.

reclaiming bodily autonomy, and other big swings - Gen, 2.2k, Post-Canon Impulsive Piercings

Crystal and Charles talk piercings and avoid more pressing concerns.

like blood, like water - Gen, 1.5k, Post-Canon Developing Friendship

Edwin drops by Crystal's flat and catches her preparing to head to a gala thrown by her parents.

finding how the pieces fit - T, 3.9k, Post-Canon Developing Friendships and Slice of Life

Three moments from three perspectives of Charles, Crystal, and Edwin figuring out how they work together.

one step back from the breaking point - T, 2.3k, Post-Canon Grief and Arguments

The search to rescue Niko isn't going well, and Crystal takes it out on Charles.

here to take you home - T, 3.1k, Post-Canon Angst with a Happy Ending

The team's plans to return Niko reach the critical point, and Crystal reaches into her magic to bring her home.

all i've ever known is how to hold my own - G, 1.7k, Post-Canon Platonic Cuddling

Niko brought some of that cold back with her from the other world. Crystal sets aside her own issues to keep her warm.

#dead boy detectives #edwin payne #charles rowland #crystal palace #payneland #dbda #ash writes

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dead-eyes-roll · 2 years ago

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QUICK TW: i mention gore briefly, and i talk abt murder, and other bodily gross stuff. also, spoilers for both episodes (so far) of Generation Loss. You’ve been warned.

Wait…

In the first episode (Spirit of the Cabin), the fridge spells out “BEHIND YOU” in magnets.

Theory 1: What if that was Charlie trying to get Ranboo to look behind him at the set. To see the directors, the mall (assuming this set takes place there [yes it does]), and to see that he can leave. To help him.

Because I think that all the major characters (Slime, Sneeg, and The Puzzler, AKA Jerma) we’re contestants before Ranboo, and want to help him get out (Maybe even H was a contestant? [At first I thought “no”, but he had to go through some sort of process before the Founder assigned him his task, right?])

Example One (Charlie): Charlie is supposed to play a villain role, but he makes Ranboo do simple tasks, although he did make fun of him (but the first episode was supposed to be very comedic, it was Gen 1 remember? It’s going to get way darker). And, in Episode 2 (The Mastermind of the Warehouse), he helped out Ranboo again with the whole towel thing.

(On a similar note, I have a theory that Charlie died in Episode 2, a second before Slimetowel made himself known. So when Charlie died, because he was literally gutted, his ghost, The Slime Spirit, another character he plays, acted to help Ranboo. That explains how he can play to characters at once. He didn’t. He died. Because they never go back to the Carousel Room, they stay in the Candy Room, and that room leads to the Fashion Room, which leads to the Toy Room, and we all know where that leads.) (Also, that means Ranboo has been carrying around a bloody towel this whole time.) [i still believe this both of these tbh]

Example Two (Sneeg): Sneeg helps Ranboo during the Hole in the Wall “bit”, and he’s a general ally the whole time. Sticking with Ranboo, and being the first ally of the show, with Episode One.

Example Three (The Puzzler, AKA Jerma): While at first, he seems like he’s trying to kill Ranboo, he isn’t. He worried when he thinks he killed Ranboo (In the first room, when Ranboo passes out from the volts [ha no he DIES]) and he is a generally comedic villain (And I know, that’s the point of the show, to desensitize horror to the point of it being funny, but he never hurts Ranboo), and lastly, just a personal theory. Right before they (The Rats) bring Charlie in from the surgery room, The Puzzler says, “Does anyone hear screaming?” But there was no screaming, Charlie had been making jokes last time we saw him. So, The Puzzler can see (or hear) through the filter, and maybe he was trying to hint to Ranboo that something wasn’t right. [i forgot abt this one! i still think it’s right]

ok, im done now. I know this theory probably isn’t a theory and makes no sense, but it makes sense to me, so, yeah. bye genlosers [just some brainrot]

Edit: I called The Puzzler the riddler lol and I made some changes to try to make things more understandable :)

Edit 2: Okay, so I’ve seen the last episode, and the Founders Cut isn’t out yet, red text stands for my thoughts now.

Edit 3: mk is gonna re-format with blue

#genloss #generation loss #genloss theory #my god I’m tired from writing neatly for like 15 mins #lemon thoughts #yayyyy i made the original post in MAY #MAY #L it’s January now

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lostyesterday · 20 days ago

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The Relevance of Flowers

Written for Voyager Week Day 4. Prompt: Time Travel.

Link to the fic on AO3.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Relationship: Kes & Seven of Nine

Characters: Seven of Nine, Kes

Additional Tags: Time Travel, Technobabble, uncomfortably existential conversations with someone you’ve just met, the kes and seven could have been friends agenda

Summary: An experiment gone wrong sends Seven several years back in time where she unexpectedly meets Kes. In order to get back to her own time, trusting Kes may be her only option.

Word Count: 7,140

Notes: The exact timeline of this fic is vague, but I imagine Seven as being from late season 6/early season 7 and Kes as being from late season 2/early season 3. For the purposes of this story, the episode “Fury” does not exist.

Content warnings: Seven experiences minor memory loss, difficulty concentrating, dizziness, loss of vision, and difficulty moving and standing – all of which are temporary reactions to involuntary time travel.

---

The Relevance of Flowers

Seven couldn’t feel her body.

This was somewhat concerning, but what was more concerning was that she couldn’t remember how she’d ended up here, or indeed where “here” even was. She tried to open her eyes, but they would not obey her. All she could sense was a dizzying feeling of falling.

She tried to access her internal memory. After several disconcerting seconds, she was finally able to find and sort through a jumbled handful of images and impressions.

She had been in Main Engineering, she was fairly certain. Yes, it had definitely been Main Engineering. Lieutenant Torres had been standing beside her. Others had been there as well, and they’d been about to test the prototype.

It took Seven a distressingly long three seconds to remember what the prototype had been for. Voyager had been pulled into a temporal anomaly of a kind the Borg had previously encountered, but Starfleet never had. Seven knew how to counteract the anomaly’s effects and bring Voyager safely out, so she had been assisting Lieutenant Torres in the creation of a temporal shield with the proper configurations.

She remembered initiating an isolated test of the shield frequency, and then nothing. Evidently, something had gone wrong with the test.

Feeling was gradually returning to her body, although her limbs still felt numb, and she was able to determine that she was lying on the ground.

She finally managed to open her eyes. Oddly, the vision in her cybernetic eye was blurry and nearly useless, but her organic eye was generally functional. A nearby light was flickering erratically and she squinted against it. She seemed to be lying beside a shelf on which sat a box filled with vegetation.

The Airponics Bay. Somehow, she had ended up lying on the floor of the Airponics Bay.

She tried to sit up, but her torso wouldn’t obey her mental command. She tried to move her left arm instead, reaching for the combadge on her chest. Her first two attempts to move her arm resulted in nothing but an undignified flop, but on her third attempt, she managed to reach the combadge.

“Seven of Nine to Sickbay,” she attempted to say.

Her voice came out slurred and barely intelligible.

“Hello?” another voice called. “Is someone back there?”

The voice had come from the room she was in somewhere to her left, not from the combadge. Someone was in the Airponics Bay with her.

Which should hardly have been surprising. There was usually at least one crew member in Airponics. She should have remembered that.

“I am here,” Seven said, speaking louder and somewhat more intelligibly. “I require assistance.”

There was the sound of hurried footsteps, and a short figure came around the end of the shelf. Seven’s ocular implant still wasn’t functioning properly, but even with only her organic eye, she could tell immediately that the new arrival wasn’t a member of Voyager’s crew. She didn’t wear a uniform, although there was a combadge on her chest, and Seven had never seen her before.

No, that wasn’t quite true. Seven had seen her once, a long time ago. When had it been? She couldn’t quite grasp the memory.

“Well, you’re not supposed to be here,” said the unknown woman.

What was this mysteriously familiar stranger doing in the Airponics Bay? Seven reached for her combadge again, managing to tap it.

“Seven of Nine to Security,” she said, voice clearer. “Intruder in the Airponics Bay.”

“How interesting,” said the stranger, who had been reaching for her own combadge. “I was just about to say that.”

There was no response to Seven’s com, nor had there been when she’d attempted to contact Sickbay. Her combadge seemed to be malfunctioning. Was the stranger responsible for this?

The stranger was tapping her own combadge now.

“Kes to Security,” she said. “Intruder in the Airponics Bay.”

There was no response to her either.

“Well,” said the stranger who was apparently named Kes – and why did that name seem so familiar? “Looks like mine isn’t working either.”

“State your identity,” Seven said, finally managing to push herself into a sitting position, leaning against the shelf beside her.

“I’m Kes,” said Kes who had removed her combadge and was studying it. “I’m a crew member aboard this starship, which is called Voyager. But presumably, you already know that since you have a combadge just like mine and you know our intruder protocol.”

Kes. How did Seven know that name? And then she suddenly remembered, the information flooding back to her – so obvious she couldn’t believe it had previously eluded her.

“You were an Ocampan who joined Voyager’s crew shortly after they arrived in the Delta Quadrant.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Kes said. “But that still leaves the question of who you are.”

Sense was returning to Seven, and her thoughts were moving faster now. She’d met Kes before, if briefly. It was unknown what had happened to her after she had left Voyager, which meant it was possible that she had managed to return. But if that was the case, why was she speaking as if she belonged here and Seven didn’t?

There was a very simple explanation for all of this. It was possible that Seven hadn’t only travelled instantaneously from Main Engineering to the Airponics Bay – she had also travelled through time. She’d been attempting to create a temporal shield, after all. If something had gone wrong, it wasn’t inconceivable that she could have been thrust backward through time into the past when Kes was a member of Voyager’s crew.

“I’ll admit this is a bit of a dilemma,” Kes said, still looking down at Seven. “You’re apparently an intruder, but I can’t seem to contact anyone, and I can’t very well leave you alone here, can I?”

An intruder. Seven was an intruder, and very soon, despite Kes’s combadge not functioning, the rest of the crew would be alerted to her presence. They would not recognize her immediately, but it wouldn’t take long for them to realize that her implants were Borg.

Seven was not meant to be here in the past. Her presence could alter the timeline in incalculable ways. Perhaps the timeline had already been irreversibly altered.

She had only two options that she could see. The first was to incapacitate Kes and find a way back to her own time somehow. The problem was that she could still barely move, and she remembered that Kes had extremely formidable, if mysterious, mental abilities. In Seven’s current condition, she was unlikely to succeed in incapacitating her.

That left the second option. It was not a very attractive one, and it seemed to have a very slim chance of success.

“You must not inform anyone else on the ship of my presence,” Seven told Kes. She swallowed and attempted to inject her voice with convincing emotion. “Please, you must trust me. If you tell anyone else of my presence, Voyager could be in great danger.”

Kes frowned, tilting her head and gazing at Seven.

“All right,” she said, after a long moment. “I’ll trust you – but first, you have to tell me who you are.”

Seven knew that Kes must be stalling for time and trying to get as much information from Seven as possible while she figured out how to inform the rest of the crew of the intruder onboard. Seven needed to talk quickly and convince Kes to trust her despite having no compelling reason to.

Seven was not adept at persuasion. She didn’t know how to put people at ease. Her bearing elicited apprehension from strangers, never trust. She knew how likely it was that she would fail.

The truth was that nearly any other member of Voyager’s crew would have been far more likely to succeed in this situation. Captain Janeway was incredibly persuasive and often managed to convince people to do things they’d had no prior intention of. Seven had been on the receiving end of the captain’s persuasive powers enough times to know how formidable they were. Ensign Kim was adept at putting people at ease and making them feel comfortable in his presence. Even Lieutenant Torres was skilled in persuasion – able to read the desires of others and come up with an argument best suited to convince them. Seven had none of these skills.

She probably should have lied to Kes and come up with an alternate story for her presence – one that would be less likely to radically alter the timeline. But she could think of no convincing alternate explanation, and so she told the truth.

“I am a member of Voyager’s crew from the future. I was attempting to protect Voyager from a temporal anomaly, and my attempt failed in such a way as to send me to the past. I do not know why this happened, but I must find a way to return to my own time before my presence here in the past damages the timeline. Your knowledge of my presence is already a danger. The more people who learn of my presence, the more likely it is that history will be changed. Therefore, it is necessary to avoid informing the rest of the crew of my presence.”

Seven knew even as she said the words that they would be unconvincing. No matter how hard she tried to make her voice sound like Captain Janeway’s or Ensign Kim’s, she knew it sounded harsh and wrong to other people’s ears.

But to her surprise, Kes nodded.

“All right,” she said. “I trust you.”

“You… trust me,” Seven said.

Kes must be lying, still stalling for time.

“You have a trustworthy face,” Kes said, leaning forward slightly. “Plus, your story makes far too much sense not to be true. Why else would you appear out of nowhere in the Airponics Bay of all places wearing a Starfleet combadge?”

Seven frowned, finding herself almost disturbed by the possibility that Kes truly had decided to trust her.

“There are any number of alternate possible explanations,” she said. “I could be a hostile entity attempting to gain your trust in order to harm the crew, for example.”

“Well, that only makes you more trustworthy,” Kes said in a reasonable tone. “If you were a hostile entity, why would you suggest such a thing as a possibility?”

Seven opened her mouth but found that she could think of no response.

“Regardless of who you are, you clearly need medical attention,” Kes said. “Luckily, I’ve got a Medkit just on the other side of the room. I’m going to go get it and come right back, all right?”

Seven did not want Kes to leave. Once she did, she would almost certainly contact security and tell them of Seven’s presence. But the shelf beside her was all that was holding Seven up, and she couldn’t stand, let alone prevent Kes from going anywhere. The truth was that Seven did, in fact, require medical attention. So she simply watched as Kes stood and briefly disappeared around the shelf before returning with a Medkit.

“See?” she said, holding it up. “Just a Medkit. Not a phaser that I secretly nabbed in order to stun you.”

Seven watched warily as Kes crouched beside her and took out a medical tricorder.

“Hmm,” Kes said, scanning her. “You seem to be human, but you have an unusually large number of cybernetic implants, and they’re not like any I’ve ever scanned.”

It was best to distract Kes from that line of reasoning.

“What is causing my inability to stand?”

“Well, it must be something to do with your implants, because your biological body is fine. I’ve only learned a little about biotechnological medicine, but it seems to me that your implants have undergone a major shock. It was probably the same shock that fried both our combadges and caused those flickering lights right next to you – they were functioning perfectly the last time I saw them.”

“Some form of charged, temporal shock,” Seven reasoned. “It is most likely the same force that sent me back in time.”

“That would be the most reasonable explanation,” Kes agreed. “Well, in any other situation, I would bring you to our doctor to have him check you more thoroughly, but as we must avoid any further contamination of the timeline, my examination will have to do. I think you’re going to be perfectly fine in time. Your implants seem to be regenerating independently. It’s very impressive, definitely far beyond current Federation medical technology. I wonder how far in the future you’re from to be a human with such advanced implants.”

Seven did not answer, hoping Kes would abandon the subject, which luckily, she did.

“Anyway, we’d better get started on finding a way for you to get back to your own time before you do any damage to history. We should start by figuring out how exactly you got here. Once we learn that, it might be easier to figure out a way back.”

Seven had to admit that Kes’s suggestion was a good one, though she was still skeptical that Kes had truly decided to trust her.

“Agreed,” she said anyway.

Clearly, she would need Kes’s assistance to return to her own time.

---

“What I don’t understand,” Kes said, “is why you were the only one who was sent back in time.”

Seven had just explained, as accurately as possible given that her memory was still somewhat fragmented, what had happened prior to her arrival in the past.

“One person inadvertently travelling through time is unlikely,” Seven said. “It would be even less likely to happen to multiple individuals.”

“Not necessarily. You were trying to encase the entire ship in a temporal shield, weren’t you? So if something went wrong, wouldn’t it have made more sense for the entire ship to travel backward in time rather than only you?”

“I do not think the shield deployed at all,” Seven said. “At least, I have no memory of that happening. I was merely performing an initial test of the shield frequency in a localized area. Perhaps there was an unexpected interaction between that frequency and the anomaly we were passing through. Theoretically, this could have caused a surge of energy to be redirected backward. There would have been a focused temporal discharge of some kind.”

“Like a lightning strike.”

Seven hadn’t truly expected Kes to understand what she had explained to her, but it seemed she had.

“An apt metaphor. Its trajectory would likely have been unpredictable, but I was standing closest to the console, so it would have had a greater chance of striking me.”

“And sending you back in time.”

“Yes. I believe I can stand up now.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Kes said, frowning. “You’re still leaning against that shelf.”

“I can stand,” Seven insisted.

She struggled for a moment to push herself to her feet, ignoring Kes’s out-stretched hand and gripping the shelf for balance. She swayed alarmingly, but managed to stay up.

Kes had taken out her medical tricorder again.

“Your implants are looking more stable, if I’m understanding these readings correctly.”

“Good. The temporal discharge that presumably sent me here must have overloaded my implants, as well as the combadges and lights. It would have been a powerful burst of energy. You were in this room at the time. Did you detect anything?”

“I was pruning dead leaves from the plants over on the other side of the room. I didn’t see anything unusual, or hear anything until you called for help. But I did… sense something, like when you change altitude rapidly and your ears pop, but I felt it in my chest instead of my ears. I get those kinds of feelings fairly often these days, so I didn’t find it alarming. But maybe I sensed your arrival.”

Seven studied Kes. She seemed to have gotten over any concern about Seven’s presence, and now discussed the situation at hand with an excited animation that reminded Seven of Captain Janeway’s bearing when there was the possibility of a new scientific discovery.

“You have telepathic abilities,” Seven said.

She almost said that the Borg had designated Ocampan telepathic abilities as low-threat, but stopped herself. She didn’t want Kes to realize she was Borg, and regardless, she knew by now that saying such things caused some measure of discomfort in most people.

“I do,” Kes said. “I’m still learning how they work, so I often don’t know what it is that I’m sensing.”

“It’s possible, then, that you sensed the temporal discharge that signaled my arrival,” Seven conceded.

“Does any of this help us figure out how to get you back when you belong?”

Seven had been considering that.

“Theoretically, if I were to recreate the conditions of my original journey here, I could send myself through time again, but it would be impossible to predict when in the timeline I would end up.”

“That wouldn’t be good. You’d be much more likely to mess up the timeline that way.”

“Additionally, I would have to go to Main Engineering and install a large amount of technology into the computer there, which I do not think Lieutenant Torres would take kindly to.”

Kes smiled.

“She’d probably have a lot of questions,” she said. “Do you know B’Elanna in the future, then? Is she still around in your time?”

Seven hesitated, not wanting to reveal information about the future that could unwittingly cause damage to the timeline. But she also needed to maintain Kes’s trust.

“I know Lieutenant Torres,” she said. “She would not be the only obstacle however. Captain Janeway and the rest of the crew would learn of my presence.”

“And that would definitely disrupt the timeline. But there must be a solution to both of these problems.”

“I believe there might be. If I could determine the exact frequency of the temporal discharge that sent me here, I could use that frequency to send myself to the correct time in the future. If there is still enough temporal energy remaining from my arrival here, I may be able to accomplish this using any computer on the ship.”

“That’s great!” Kes said, delightedly. “So you’ll need to thoroughly scan this room for temporal signatures, then. And it must be somewhere in this room to have affected the lights and my combadge, mustn’t it? Or at least, it will be nearby in the ship.”

“Most likely,” Seven said, startled again by how quickly Kes had understood the details of the situation.

“But the temporal energy from the discharge that brought you here won’t stick around forever.”

“No. It will fade with time – how much time exactly, I cannot say. Perhaps it is already gone, or perhaps I have hours still to find it.”

“We’d better get started then! You can use the console over there. I assume it can be reconfigured to scan for temporal signatures.”

Seven tried to walk to the console, but as soon as she left the shelf, she nearly collapsed. Kes hurried over and offered Seven her arm. After a moment of reluctant hesitation, Seven took it.

Seven hesitated to lean too much on Kes, but Kes was much stronger than she appeared, and she helped Seven to the console with ease.

When Seven reached the console, she quickly let go of Kes’s arm and leaned against the console instead. She stayed still for several long moments, head tilted downward, waiting with impatience for a wave of dizziness to pass.

She didn’t have time for this. She needed to get to work.

---

It took Seven nearly twenty minutes to reconfigure the console to scan for temporal signatures. The most difficult part was masking what she was doing from the rest of Voyager’s systems. She didn’t want there to be any record of what she’d done after she left.

The work was made more difficult by the frequent moments of dizziness that came over her. Concentration was difficult too, and her ocular implant still wasn’t working correctly, her vision in that eye blurring and jittering.

Kes stood beside her for most of that time, looking curiously over her shoulder but not interrupting her work. At one point, Kes went to the replicator and returned with a glass of water.

“Ingesting liquid might help with your dizziness,” she said. “I would give you a hypospray too, but I don’t know how it would interact with your implants.”

Seven was startled by the gesture.

“Thank you,” she said, only remembering to say it what she was fairly certain was a full two seconds after politeness dictated.

Finally, Seven finished reconfiguring the computer and set it to scan for temporal signatures.

“How long will the scan take?” Kes asked.

“The time required cannot be determined ahead of time,” Seven said. “There is a wide range of possible frequencies, and this console was not designed for the task, so it will be slower. I chose a starting point for the search at random. There is a chance that the scan will pick up a signature five seconds from now, or it could take several hours. If the discharge has already dissipated, the scan will never find a result and I will be trapped here.”

“So there’s nothing much to do but wait, is there?”

That was true, unfortunately. Seven did not enjoy waiting idly, especially not with Kes beside her, scanning every few minutes with her medical tricorder.

“I’d suggest sitting down,” Kes said. “The shock to your system was clearly intense, and rest will probably speed your recovery.”

Seven didn’t like the idea. She didn’t want to appear weak in front of Kes.

“I must monitor the computer’s search,” she said.

“I’ll watch the computer while you sit and rest,” Kes said, reasonably. “Just tell me what to look for.”

Seven could think of no argument against this, and she was barely able to hold herself upright, so she agreed.

She sank down and leaned her head against the wall, allowing herself to shut her eyes for several long moments.

“Seven of Nine is an interesting name,” Kes said after a short silence. “I’ve never met a human with a name like that before.”

“It was not the name I was born with,” Seven said, before she could think better of it.

“Oh, so you chose it yourself, then?” Kes said, interested.

Seven hesitated for a moment, unsure how to answer that question.

“Yes,” she said, finally. “I chose it as my name.”

“I think it’s such a good idea for people to choose their own names,” Kes said. “Names are something deeply personal – a statement of one’s identity as an individual. I’ve been helping the Doctor pick out a name for himself, but really, he’s the only one who can make that decision. He’s the only one who knows himself well enough. I’ve even thought about changing my own name at some point – maybe trying on a few new ones – but I think I’m too used to being Kes to ever really feel like anyone else.”

Names are something deeply personal – a statement of one’s identity as an individual. Seven shifted uncomfortably at that phrasing in relation to her own name.

“I wonder if the Doctor has chosen a name for himself in your time,” Kes said. “But of course, I don’t know how far in the future you’re from. You didn’t recognize me right away, so you must have joined the Voyager crew after my death. I have a much shorter lifespan than anyone else on this ship, so it’s possible that you know everyone except me.”

Seven was somewhat taken aback by the casual way in which Kes said this. Seven had once thought of death in a similarly casual manner – simply one of the inevitable future events that would occur. But the more time she had spent away from the collective, the more death had become something uncomfortable to think about.

“I should not discuss details of the future,” she said after a pause. “I do not wish to contaminate the timeline any further.”

“Oh, of course not. I don’t want to know anything about my future anyway. I like surprises!”

Seven looked away from Kes, gazing instead at the nearest shelf of plants. There were rows of vegetables she didn’t recognize. Seven had rarely entered the Airponics Bay in her own time. She knew little about the care of plants, nor did it particularly interest her, but studying them felt more comfortable than continuing to look in Kes’s direction.

“I don’t suppose there’s any reason why I can’t ask you about yourself though, is there?” Kes said. “After all, we’re clearly never on Voyager at the same time, so knowing about you won’t make much of a difference for me. You’re not part of my future.”

Seven turned back to Kes who was still dutifully observing the progress of the temporal scan.

Seven did not want Kes to ask her questions. Kes was uncomfortably perceptive, and sometimes Seven preferred not to be perceived.

But she still needed to maintain Kes’s trust.

“Perhaps I could answer certain questions of low relevance to the timeline,” she said, trying not to sound reluctant.

Kes beamed.

“Do you think it would be all right to tell me what your role is on Voyager? Or, what your role will be, I should say?”

That information seemed to carry little risk of contaminating the timeline.

“My primary duties are as head of Astrometrics, but I am frequently involved in a wide variety of other tasks, particularly in relation to science and engineering.”

“It’s similar for me,” Kes said. “I do all sorts of different things, even though I’m not technically part of Starfleet. I’m assuming you aren’t either given your lack of uniform, but maybe you came here in your off-duty clothes.”

“I am not part of Starfleet,” Seven confirmed.

“Then the two of us have something in common, even though we live in different times. Isn’t that interesting to think about – the connections we have with people separated from us by time? Anyway, I most frequently work here in Airponics and as a medic in Sickbay. I’m interested in everything about the universe, but especially in living things – plants and animals both. Things that grow and change and adapt and learn – they’re the spark that allows the universe to comprehend itself. Caring for living things is like studying a mini universe in each individual.”

Kes’s bright voice and inquisitive nature were somewhat overwhelming. At the same time, there was something calming about her forthrightness and openness. She seemed unphased by things that would have given most of Voyager’s crew members pause, and she saw things from a perspective that Seven wasn’t accustomed to.

“Your scan has detected something,” Kes said abruptly.

Seven stood, nearly pitching over as she did. She stumbled back to the console.

“It’s only a sensor glitch,” she said after a moment. “I must input new parameters.”

She tried to do so, but her hands were trembling.

“If you tell me what to do, I could input the parameters for you,” Kes said.

“It is a complicated procedure.”

“I’m a quick learner.”

And it seemed Kes was. Seven dictated to Kes how to modify the scan’s parameters, and with only a few clarifying questions, she got it working.

Seven sat back down and leaned her head against the wall, grateful to no longer have to hold it up. She didn’t know if she could have managed any of this alone. For the first time, she was glad that Kes was here.

That was until Kes spoke again.

“You’re Borg, aren’t you?” she said.

Seven jerked her head back up, body tense, but Kes seemed completely relaxed, gazing still at the console.

“I’ve read about the Borg in Voyager’s databases,” Kes continued. “From what I understand, they have some form of collective mind, and they use technology to assimilate other beings into it. I saw diagrams of Borg drones and specifications of common implants. Your implants are more sophisticated than Federation technology because they’re not from the Federation.”

Clearly, Seven had underestimated Kes. She was even more perceptive and intelligent than Seven had thought. How long had she known and pretended to be oblivious? At this point, Seven had no option except to attempt to regain her trust.

“I was Borg. However, I have been freed from the collective and no longer serve its goals.”

“Well, that’s good, then!” Kes said brightly, still apparently entirely unconcerned. “I’m glad you aren’t going to assimilate me. Although it would be interesting to be part of a collective mind. I think I’d like to try it, but only on a temporary basis.”

Somehow, Kes always seemed to find the thing to say that would most baffle Seven.

“You would not wish to be Borg,” she finally said. “They assimilate others against their will. They do not tolerate individuality.”

Kes looked over at Seven with a solemn expression, unlike the cheerful openness that had been there before.

“You were assimilated against your will?” she said.

“Yes,” Seven said shortly.

She did not wish to discuss this topic further, and perhaps Kes understood that, because she did not speak again for some time.

---

Seven studied the nearby shelves of plants. There was one box filled with plants that looked different from most of the others. They were made up of twisting, spiral-like stems that ended in a complex symmetrical pattern of petals, each of which was a shockingly bright purple.

“Those are a kind of flower I discovered on an away mission a few weeks ago,” Kes said, apparently noticing where Seven was looking. “They were on an uninhabited planet where we were trying to find food to replenish our stocks. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything edible, but I thought the flowers were quite lovely, so I took a few and replanted them here. They’ve survived well in this environment.”

“They serve no practical purpose,” Seven noted, only realizing after she said it that Kes might take offense.

Kes, however, seemed unbothered.

“All the rest of these plants are edible,” she said, gesturing to the other shelves. “But a great deal can be gained by appreciating the loveliness of something that isn’t useful to you.”

Seven did not think she agreed with this, but she said nothing. She felt that she was on very shaky ground with Kes – barely able to maintain her trust now that she knew that Seven had been Borg. Disagreeing with her would be unproductive.

“Do the Borg ever assimilate plants?” Kes asked. “I know they assimilate a great variety of beings to integrate their strengths into the collective, but the database didn’t say anything about plants.”

Of all the questions Seven had ever been asked about the Borg by the Voyager crew, she’d never been asked this one.

“Plants and less complex animals are assimilated very rarely,” she said. “The Borg ignore them unless they are somehow a threat. Plants are generally considered irrelevant.”

“Irrelevant?” Kes said. “I don’t think plants are ever irrelevant. They’re central to many ecosystems.”

“The Borg do not consider ecosystems to be relevant either.”

“That seems short-sighted of them. After all, an ecosystem and a collective mind are very similar in terms of structure. Both involve a vast sum of parts performing different but vital functions. Both require a carefully maintained equilibrium.”

There was a similarity there that Seven had never considered before, but it was more tenuous than Kes seemed to believe.

“The specifications of natural ecosystems come from random chance rather than by design,” Seven said.

“That doesn’t make them irrelevant.”

Seven bit back the response she might have given. She was attempting to placate Kes, not argue with her.

Something Seven had learned about people was that many of them did not respond positively to being frequently disagreed with, at least not without a very particular adjustment to one’s tone. This was one of the nuances of politeness that she found most cumbersome.

Wishing to further determine her standing with Kes, Seven asked a question that had been nagging at her.

“How long have you known that I was Borg?”

“Since I scanned your implants with the medical tricorder,” Kes said. “I read the entire section of Voyager’s database about the Borg, and it was quite long, you know. As I said, there were fascinating diagrams of typical Borg anatomy, and yours matched quite closely. And then there’s your name. Seven of Nine sounds quite a bit like a Borg designation.”

Kes had known Seven was Borg since nearly the beginning. Seven didn’t understand it.

“If you knew I was Borg, why would you trust me?”

“Why shouldn’t I? If you were still part of the collective, would you have really come here alone to the Airponics Bay of all places and laid on the ground calling for help?”

Seven frowned.

“No,” she admitted.

“A Borg drone would never behave like that,” Kes said. “There would be no reason to. Therefore, you must not be part of the collective anymore. Besides, like I said, you have a trustworthy face.”

“No one has ever described me that way before.”

If anything, Seven had long gotten the opposite impression.

“Maybe it’s because they weren’t looking closely enough,” Kes said.

Seven might have tried to think of a response, but at that moment, she heard the doors to Airponics open. She froze, exchanging a silent glance with Kes. Seven was technically out of sight, but whoever had entered would only need to walk a short distance to the left to see her.

As quickly and silently as she could on her still-shaky legs, Seven hurried around the next shelf so that she was as far as possible from the entrance. At the same time, Kes went in the opposite direction to meet whoever had entered.

If Kes had only been pretending to trust her this entire time, this would be the moment that she alerted whoever had entered to Seven’s presence.

“Hello, B’Elanna,” Seven heard Kes say a moment later. “Can I help you with something?”

Lieutenant Torres was here. Seven stayed still and quiet, hoping she would go away quickly.

“Sorry to bother you,” B’Elanna said. “One of my engineers noticed an odd reading coming from the Airponics Bay about an hour ago, and when I tried to comm you about it, I didn’t get an answer. My shift was over anyway, so I came down to take a look.”

“A strange reading?” Kes said. “That might have been from the new lamp I just tried out. I got it from that trader we met last week. It’s supposed to improve the growth of certain plants, but it had a strange effect on the other lights, so I shut it off immediately. Maybe it had an effect on the communications system as well.”

“I could come take a look at it,” B’Elanna suggested.

Seven tensed.

“Your shift’s over, B’Elanna,” Kes said kindly. “And I thought you had some time reserved in the Holodeck.”

“I do. But I can just take a quick look.”

“It can wait until morning. You shouldn’t keep doing so much work when you’re off duty, you know.”

“I know,” B’Elanna said, sounding amused as if this was a long-standing conversation between them. “All right, I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Have a good time on the Holodeck,” Kes called as she left.

Seven relaxed minutely. It seemed Kes had kept her presence a secret, and expertly maneuvered B’Elanna away from Airponics without drawing suspicion.

It felt odd to hear B’Elanna speaking in such a familiar way with Kes. It was strangely disconcerting to think about how all the people who Seven felt she had come to know over the course of her time on Voyager had previously had relationships with this woman she’d never truly met. For some reason she couldn’t name, the thought caused her to experience a dull ache inside her chest.

“Seven of Nine,” Kes called abruptly a moment later. “Your scan has found something.”

Seven followed Kes’s voice as fast as she could, half expecting the result to be another error. But when she studied it, it looked exactly like what she’d expected – a strong temporal signature located in this room.

“I believe this is it,” Seven said. “Now, I must use this computer to temporarily open a temporal fissure. Doing so will cause a sudden drain of power that will be noticed in Engineering. I have already taken steps to wipe all trace of what was done here from the computer once I am gone, but you must never tell anyone what happened here and what you saw.”

“To protect the future,” Kes said with a small smile.

“Yes.”

Seven began to input the parameters to reopen the fissure.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Kes said. “You’re all right standing?”

“The dizziness has decreased,” Seven said.

This was only partially true, but the procedure she was performing was far too complicated to explain quickly, even to someone as intelligent as Kes.

“I believe I know what originally went wrong,” Seven murmured as she worked. “The phase variance was off. I didn’t compensate enough for the anomaly’s distortions.”

It took Seven five minutes and thirteen seconds to prepare to open the fissure – at least a minute longer than it would have taken if she hadn’t been impaired.

“You must go to the far side of the room,” Seven said to Kes, gesturing toward the entrance to the Airponics Bay. “The fissure will open approximately where I originally came through. While it should only be a few meters in diameter, there is a margin of error, and you must maintain your distance to avoid being pulled in.”

Kes nodded, but she didn’t move.

“Before you go,” she said, “I’d like to give you something.”

Baffled, Seven watched as Kes went over to the shelf that contained the purple flowers and carefully snipped one at the base of its spiral stem. Then she came back to Seven and held it out to her.

“It will die soon now that it’s been cut, but it will last a little longer if you put it in water.”

After a long moment of hesitation, Seven took the flower. Its stem was smooth to the touch, its petals soft. It felt so fragile in her hands that she was afraid to crush it.

“What is the purpose of this plant?” she said haltingly.

Kes tilted her head, amused.

“It’s a flower,” she said. “Its purpose is to exist.”

Seven amended her question.

“What is your intention in giving it to me?”

“It’s a gift – something to remember me by. I thought you might like it. Do you?”

Seven had no idea how to quantify her opinion on the flower. It made her feel the same uncomfortable ache she’d felt when she’d heard Kes speaking to B’Elanna.

“It is… aesthetically unique,” she said.

Kes’s face broke into a wide smile.

“Oh, I’m so glad,” she said. “Seven of Nine, I think we could have been very good friends if we had lived in the same time.”

“Friends,” Seven said, her voice coming out softer than she’d intended.

“I wish I could have known you for longer,” Kes said, “but I’m glad to have known you for as long as I have.”

Seven found that she once again did not know how to reply.

“It’s all right,” Kes said after a long moment of silence. “All there is to say is goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” Seven echoed.

Kes retreated to the far end of the room. Seven returned to the computer and inputted the final command to open the fissure. Then, flower still held carefully in her hand, she hurried toward the place where she knew the fissure would be.

There was a faint disturbance in the air, almost invisible. Seven stopped just before it and looked over her shoulder at Kes, just visible through the shelves of plants. Kes’s smiling face was framed by trailing vines – as if she were part of the plants, part of this room. She waved goodbye.

Seven gave her a nod in return, then turned and stepped through the fissure.

The floor disappeared from under her and her vision was gone. She felt a terrible, terrifying weightlessness, as if for a moment her physical body did not exist.

And then she found herself crashing back into reality – faces and consoles spinning around her as she stumbled into the middle of Engineering, collapsing to the ground with a grunt.

“Seven!” she heard a voice shout distantly.

The voice belonged to B’Elanna Torres. Seven blinked blurrily up at B’Elanna who was crouched above her now.

“Torres to sickbay! Medical emergency in Engineering. What happened to you, Seven? You disappeared when you activated the shield test a few minutes ago. And, wait… why are you holding a flower?”

Seven had returned to her own time, she thought faintly, relieved.

“Lieutenant,” she said. “Correct the phase variance… you must account for the distortions…”

And then her voice slipped away and everything went black.

---

Seven returned to Cargo Bay 2. She had just gotten out of sickbay after several hours. Her dizziness, difficulty moving, and blurred vision had passed, but the Doctor had made her promise to regenerate for at least twenty-four hours. Her implants had taken a lot of strain from being unceremoniously thrown through time twice.

Seven had so far given her crewmates only the barest of details of her journey. She told them she believed she had managed to avoid harming the timeline.

She had only reluctantly told them of Kes – for some reason wishing to keep their interactions to herself. Since no one remembered Kes telling them anything about a time travelling Borg in Airponics, it was assumed that Kes had kept her word until the end.

As Seven prepared her alcove for a long regeneration cycle, she wondered what Kes had thought three years ago when Seven had first come onboard Voyager as a drone. She must have recognized her, but she had said nothing even then, perhaps too distracted by her own rapidly growing powers.

Time had prevented Kes and Seven from knowing each other by the smallest of margins.

Before regenerating, Seven set out a glass of water she’d replicated on the edge of the console near her alcove. She carefully placed the spiraling stem of the purple flower in the water. It had survived the journey through time with only a few of its small petals bent.

Seven gazed at the flower as she took her place in the alcove. It would die shortly, never having served any practical purpose, and then it would begin to wither away, but Seven would still have the memory.

#voyager week #star trek voy #lane posts

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r3d-m3dic · 9 months ago

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so i watched Gen Loss for the first time tonight (it's 4:32 am rn. help.) Loved it. Charlie is so funny bro holy shit. charlie is my favorite so i drew him in episode ond

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luka-mae · 8 months ago

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GEN LOSS NOTES/THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING THE FOUNDERS CUT

Episode 1

-The fridge says “Behind you” This ties into ep. 2 when markings on the wall say “Behind you”, which leads to the next room. In Ep. 1 behind Ranboo would be the mall, a.k.a their way to “escape”. Therefore, this is foreshadowing

-The box says merch box, meaning that it’s likely that in the universe they are selling merch of this show. I saw a tumblr post talking more in depth on this a few months ago, but I think it’s been too long for me to find it again

Episode 2

-In the game room, the camera zooms into a board game called “Mall of America”. As of writing this I don’t know anything about that game, BUT it could have been foreshadowing for the mall.

Episode 3

-The Hetch says “Behind you”. Listen this could all be a coincidence, but the words “Behind you” are present in Every. Single. Episode.

-Ranboo seems to be acting more “real” than Hetch. Obviously, we later learn that he’s apart of Showfall. But I think this implies Hetch is also controlled by Showfall. (Not a new theory, I know) I say this because when Ranboo mask flashes, they stop being so silly and more serious, for a lack of better explanation. That’s just what Hetch’s behavior reminds me of. -I doubt that Ranboo is fully in control, even when they’re mask is off or flashing. I say this because he doesn’t really seem to remember where they came from, even when the mask is off. Example 1: They don’t know how long they have been in the building

Example 2: “I don’t have total control, otherwise you’d just be outta here” If Hetch were to not be fully in control, then neither is Ranboo. Example 3: Charlie doesn’t remember where he is and where he came from either, he also doesn’t remember any of the previous episodes

-RANBOOS DEATH ROOM IS IN THE SERVER ROOM (On an unrelated note, there’s a thunderstorm where I live right now making this MUCH more tense)

#generation loss #founders cut

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kichikichiko · 2 years ago

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Accepting the loss of your animal companion

A/N: hey everyone! I originally wanted to make this as animal friendly ad possible (meaning u could put in animal you want while u read) but there are so many different types of pets ranging for furry creatures or those who shed skin so it was so hard my bad :((

The Tighnari part of this headcanon is for all but written specifically for @hitomisuzuya , Suzu I hope you know that youre not alone and you should never ever put the blame of loosing Frank on yourself. Was never your fault and never will be. ALSO IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE A HORSE SO PLS EVERYONE EXCUSE ME 😭

Anyways enjoy reading everyone!!

Tighnari, Kazuha and Thoma (seperate) x gen neutral! Reader, loss of a pet, comfort, fluff, headcanon, Cat for Kazuha, Dog for Thoma and horse for Tighnari, Tighnari was mostly targeted at Suzu, sort of proofread

♡♡♡♡

Tighnari ▪︎ verdant strider

Tighnari and you decided to visit mondstadt one day

Mainly because windblume was coming up and Collei wanted to see Amber again

The 3 of you had such a blast! It has been a while since the 2 of you have visited other nations so this was a well deserved break

Drank together, ate different dishes the city of freedom had to offer together, and made new friends

One day you met the calvary captain of the knights of favonuis while Tighnari was talking to Albedo

The conversation between the 2 of you shifted from work to animals to his title as the calvary captain

"Most of our horses have been taken in by Grandmaster Varka for his expedition however we still have around a few left here in the city just in case we need them" the captain started, "would you like to see them?"

You hesitated, a part of you didnt want to at all. You were afraid you'd break down and start remembering the past

But a part of you also wanted to, you longed to see another horse again

You longed to appreciate the way they strut, the way their mane flows when they jump, the way they look at you when you were getting ready for another competition together

Although their expression was overall the same, when you have a bond with a horse especially a strong one, their emotions as well as yours felt like they were connected

But youve avoided them like the plague

Regretfully, you said yes anyways

Your heart has won against your mind this time around

After a while the sun was about to go down and everyone was getting ready to call it a day

Tighnari and you left Collei with Amber so you both made your way to the inn youre staying at

The walk home was silent and you were staring down at your feet, and you seemed to be in a daze,

You gaze was empty, and there wasnt any hint of sparkle in your eyes

Tighnari noticed something was off so he asked

"Hey are you alright?"

"What? Oh. Uh yeah Im fine" you nodded half heartedly after his sudden question taking you off your train of thoughts

The fox stopped on his track and held your hand

"No something is off, you never look up when youre upset. Tell me whats wrong sunflower, Im here for you"

Your back was still facing him, but he could see your shoulders starting to shake, and you trying to muffle up sobs

You hated crying about this especially in public

You didnt want to remember

Never again

His ears perked up and swiftly he pulled you in for a hug

Before he got the chance to say something, you started

"Horses... I miss my horse Nari. I fucking miss him so much" you started, choking up sobs

"I miss him everyday and when I saw the horses before with Kaeya one of them looked like him and..."

You hid your face in his chest as your sobs started getting louder by the minute

"One of them looked exactly like him. I can't I regret that I wasnt able to save him Nari, Im such a bad companion. I could have done more, I could have SAVED him but I-"

"Hey! (Name)! Thats not true" he cutted you off before you finished your sentence, you were having an episode and it broke him to see you like this

Gently, he took your chin and made you face him

"He would never blame you for what happened. It was out of your control, he is your companion. He would have never placed the blame on you sunflower. It all happened too fast, please believe me when I say this, its not your fault"

You couldnt help but let more tears fall out

Yes you were still upset you lost your dearest companion

But you were also happy to hear those words come out of his mouth

You both stood in the middle of the road hugging for a while, waiting until you calmed down.

You knew it wasnt your fault that your beloved horse was gone, but Tighnari was right

He was always right

Your companion would never have blamed you for what happened to him

You wanted to be around horses again

But realise that the first step to finally be around them comfortably was to be able to accept and heal

And Tighnari will be with you every step of the way

KAZUHA ▪︎ Scarlet Leaves Pursue Wild Waves

You were with Kazuha relaxing together outside enjoying the fresh air

The sun was out bright in Liyue so you both decided to take a stroll before setting out to the sea again on the crux

At some point during your stroll a cat came to you and meowed

You stopped on your feet and looked down to see the cat starting to rub on you affectionatley

You of course bent down to give em some pets

Kazuha realised you werent on his side anymore and looked behind to see you gazing sotfly at the cat while playing with it

He cant help but think you looked cute

He walked towards you and bent down to the same level as you and watched you play with the cat

You broke the silence after a while

"I use to have a cat" still not breaking your gaze away from the cat

Kazuha looked up at you "oh really?"

"Mmhm, (gender) was beautiful, had lushious (colour) fur, ears so cute you could bite em off and eyes that when you stare at them for long enough, you could find yourself falling in love with (gender) again" subconsciously smiling when you said that

You missed your cat truly

They were your best friend

The ronin hesitated for a bit, not sure if he should ask the question that came up on his head

Without him asking you knew what was on his mind

"(Name) passed away not long ago. I was very sad. In fact, I would be lying if I said Ive healed completely" you chuckled, finally looking up at Kazuha smiling a bit

You didnt want to think about negative thoughts when talking about your beloved cat

Because you'd just have a breakdown

Besides, you knew (name) was at peace anyways now

Kazuha stared at you for a while before smiling "Im sure (name) is resting well now, and if (name) was still here Im sure (gender)'d would love all the different places youre seeing right now on your journey"

You laughed "oh almost, I dont think (gender)'d like Sumeru's desert, (name) would make it visibly clear how much (gender)'d hate it"

You both played with the stray cat for another 5 minutes while talking about your cat until the stray finally left

Kazuha would like to raise a kitten with you

So you both could make new memories together

And for him to see the bond grow between you and their future kitten

Thoma ▪︎ Protector from afar

Everytime you both went out together there was one time you'd miss playing with the stray dogs and cats out

Especially stray dogs

You have special attention to them

Whenever Thoma was knitting something for the stray cats you'd request he made one for the dogs as well

Whenever he was going out to feed the dogs and cats you'd always remind him to feed the dogs as well

You loved being around them and they seem to as well

He was in awe with how much bond and trust was between you and the dogs

Its almost as if you have one yourself

He had brought up wanting to raise a puppy with ypu, or adopt one of the stray dogs

But everytime he asked youd politely decline saying you werent interested

He was confused and shocked obviously

I mean you clearly loved the stray dogs so why didnt you want to adopt one?

He had to find out

You were getting ready for bed one night looking at the mirror while brushing your hair when he asked you laying on a futon (youre visiting him)

"Hey love, Ive been meaning to ask you something"

He only continued when you hummed, curious to what he wanted to ask

"Oh its just, I wanna know why you keep rejecting the offer of raising a puppy together or adopting one of the stray dogs. I mean you have such a tight bond with the dogs and you seem to favour them.. I must admit I was a little shocked when you rejected. Oh but Im not forcing you to say yes to my suggestion, if you dont wanna then thats fine its just-" he stopped talking when he saw you facing him

Your face was a little hesitant and your brows were furrowed a bit.

He could tell you were debating wheather or not you wanna tell him

"Oh but if you dont wanna tell me thats okay too love" kinda panicked a bit worried if he asked you a personal question 😭

You chuckled reassuring him it was alright

"No no Thoma its not that, its just.." you trailed off again trying to find the right words

"Im sorry for rejecting your suggestion for raising a puppy together, I think its a wonderful idea but im not ready."

He was about to say something before you continued "I had a dog once (gender) was a (breed of dog), and I named em (name)" you smiled at him, but one thing he noticed was that your smile didnt reach your eyes

"I lost (name) a few (weeks/months/years) ago. Ive been wanting to adopt another dog after (name)... but I just cant. I feel like Im replacing (gender)"

Thoma was mentally kicking and punching himself rn

How could he be so stupid

Of course this was obviously the reason why you rejected his suggestion

He wanted to apologise for asking but he knew you'd bash him and tell him not to apologise

Instead, he decided to get up from the futon and place a kiss on your forehead "could you... tell me more about (name)?"

You smiled and nodded

He always knew how to make you smile

Maybe one day when youre ready, you'll both raise a puppy together like a family

♡♡♡♡

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