#GOD IT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD
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>:(
#n is venting#I'm actually in so much fucking pain it hurts so bad#why is this happening to me#why cant my body be fucking normal#oh my good >:(#I'm pissed off with how much it hurts#just writhing in bed and not in a good way#I wish someone were here to hold. my hand and tell me the pain will stop soon#God it hurts so fucking bad#can't even get out if bed#ugh
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jaw ow 😭
#god it hurts so fucking bad#owie owie owie owie ow!!!!#shut up im holding the trashtalking breadstick
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i need help with vet bills (again).
hi. for those of you who remember, earlier this year i asked for donations to help me afford toos' vet bills, who we found out through your help had kidney failure, and again with your help we got her on medication for it. unfortunately it wasn't enough, and we lost her. and then shortly after, dexter began deteriorating, which we put down to his grief of losing toos - she kept him young, he followed her everywhere, he only played because of her, he only ate when she ate, etc. without her he just stopped. and then he started to have seizures and fits daily. we got him blood tests, but he was suffering so badly. we made the decision to put him down. i didn't ask for donations this time, because i was so deeply embarrassed to ask for help again. but we are still recovering financially from that, as well as the parts of toos bills that didn't get covered from donations. my mother hasn't worked for a very long time, she's disabled and very sick, and she receives PIP from the government that only covers her monthly medications that are not covered by the NHS. my father retired early to become her full time carer, and we are living off his pension. i am too disabled to work, but because my mother already receives PIP and i live with them, the government are resistent to giving me any help - so i have zero income, and rely entirely on my parents.
this is jenny. she's a 14 year old cairn terrier, who loves when we garden because she wants to help dig holes. she helped us bury dexter and toos, digging their graves for them with my dads help. she's an angel, and loves people so much she likes to escape under the fence and join other families for awhile. one time she got into someones back garden and asked to come in as they were eating lunch. she really hates flies, and will try to bite them out of the air (she has never succeeded but i believe she will one day). she will rub her face against you until you start stroking her, and will growl and even bark if you stop! we don't have the money to take jenny to the vets, for a checkup or for anything they may want to do. this has been an ongoing issue, but toos and dexter took priority, and it hasn't been a bother to her. she existed as normal for a long time, but that's since changed.
jenny has this lump in her mouth, it is larger than the picture shows, but she is a nightmare to force open her mouth since this got so big, i think it's uncomfortable or painful for her. she can't properly close her lips now, and it has pushed all her front teeth away, misshaping her mouth, and sometimes it bleeds profusely. eating has become difficult for her, she can't eat anything hard, and currently will only eat soft human foods like rice, scrambled egg chopped up so small she doesn't have to chew, and things like soups and gravy. she's lost a lot of weight, and i'm getting frightened. to add onto it, i've found lumps like this across her body. i've done as much research as i can, and i believe it to be an oral tumor, it fits, and it looks right, and it spreading across her body is called 'full staging'. and going by all i've read - they will want to remove them in surgery. according to my research, this will cost anywhere from £585 - £4,740 for just the lump in her mouth. that's not including any checkup/test costs, or the other lumps on her body.
she hasn't been to the vet yet, i don't have any secure goal or bills to share, just my assumptions and beliefs from researching myself online. my parents refuse to take her because we can't afford it. i want to save up money, have it in my bank, and show them that we can help her now, before it gets worse, or it's too late. as i said before, i don't have any income, so the only way i can do this is with help.
here's a link to my paypal.me
the icon is a little mouse, and the @ is rivellon
i struggled so badly posting the first post like this for toos. i felt so guilty and embarrassed and ashamed. but i have no choice again, i want to help jenny. i don't want her to suffer. and selfishly, i can't handle losing another dog so soon. this year has been waking nightmare, and i need your help to stop it getting even worse.
please reblog and share, even if you can't donate.
thank you for reading.
#animal illness#animal sickness#pet illness#pet sickness#vet bills#vet help#i don't really know what to tag this as. i don't remember what i did before#and i don't want to go look for my toos post because it will hurt so bad to see it i think#im on hiatus because i cant deal with this and be here right now. but im gonna queue/schedule this a bit i think#im sorry for asking for help again. but please consider helping jenny. she's so lovely#and she's keeping me alive right now#losing toos and dexter ripped me to shreds and shes the only reason i havent completely broken down#i am absolutely terrified of what will happen if we lose her too#god i feel so fucking guilty. i can't stop fucking crying. i hate this so much#im so sorry guys. please reblog and consider donating even a tiny amount#tiny amounts add up yknow#anyway . i should post this now instead of hiding in the tags
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long night, just chilling
#oh my god this drawing kicked my ass so if it's bad!! say nothing!!#dead boy detectives#bee scribbles#ink and color#do not fear the fucked up couch the fucked up couch can't hurt you
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"Maybe white men wouldn't have overwhelmingly voted for Trump if it wasn't for feminists telling them they're bad all the time!!1!!" Weird how everything men do ends up being women's fault somehow
#men sold women's rights to our own bodies for cheaper gas prices. i could not give less of a shit about their takes on feminism#that one post going around about how misogyny has increased tremendously over the past few years#with all the replies like 'well women tell cishet white men that patriarchy and racism are bad and that hurts their feelings--#--so its understandable they become violently misogynistic and the solution is for you to be nicer to men!!!'#ohhhh my god quit your entitlement for one fucking second. trumps laws are killing women in droves#us politics#(also i feel the need to add that i am fully supportive of lgbt+ and gender non conforming individuals)
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update to the Playing Undertale With Roommate Whose Only Social Media is Pinterest situation: we only just got to waterfall and so far it has been a fucking trip
they have No Idea the significance of Flowey yet. not even a hint. they thought the sans echo flower conversation was about echo flowers
during the papyrus date and especially when they got to his room they kept looking at me and saying "THIS is your man????" which they stopped asking after the date. they have read some of my fics. i do not think i am any less insane to them now
they gave papyrus a valley girl voice btw. mostly because i had to beg them not to give him a mickey mouse voice instead
they didn't fucking know what skeletor sounds like
bc i know The Efficient Ways to do Things and they don't they've been reminding me of a buncha details & lines of dialogue I don't actually have embedded in my memory. particularly "PAPYRUS IS HUNGRY, TOO! HUNGRY FOR JUSTICE!"
they got the "Can I speak to G..." phone call. i have never once gotten that in any of my playthroughs, probably because i don't usually go up to that area but still. ik its not REALLY rare but i have never actually seen it Organically before so it was crazy to ME
Dogsong is my morning alarm ok. so when it showed up in the game and they realized they recognized it on a subconscious level they looked physically pained
Undyne's first chase scene scared the shit out of them
#trousled rambles#somehow i always forget how much i love this game until i see someone play it for the first time and go Oh Right I Fucking Love This Game#i'll also add i thought i was chill and cool with not backseating & stuff but oh my god its so hard. oh im one of those fans holy shit#watching them figure out some of the puzzles hurt so bad man. oh my god#physically holding back nearly 9 years of brainrot as i watch them fall off the slippery ice x & o puzzle 48 times
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Warriors who knows he’s gorgeous and uses it to his advantage vs. Time who’s the most stunning man on the planet but completely unaware of it and is just absolutely oblivious to the fact that he gets hit on almost every single time he, Wars, and Twi go out for drinks because he honest to god just thinks people are being nice and friendly
and no matter how many times someone (Warriors) has been like “hey man, they were fucking flirting with you”, he is unable to recognize it the next time it happens. Warriors thinks he a lost cause, and Malon has definitely sat there more than once and watched someone hit on Time and shoot their shot, not realizing he’s married. and she just laughed her ass off because Time wouldn’t get the hint if it slapped him in the fucking face, bless his heart, and she’s had to go and rescue him because he just seriously cannot tell when people are hitting on him. He’s definitely embarrassed about it every single time it happens, but he just does not get it
is he smooth as fuck when HE’S flirting with his wife? absolutely. can he figure out when anyone is flirting with him? absolutely not.
#he is a genius but not when it comes to social clues#Malon definitely had to grab him by the face and go ‘I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER’#because otherwise he’d just sit there kicking rocks around convinced she didn’t like him back#she never has to worry about him cheating#because he’s more likely to start infodumping thinking he’s made a new friend because he completely misread someone’s intentions#/j#but also /srs 😭#(i mean also because he loves her so so so so much and he’s incredibly fucking loyal)#he would never cheat on his wife 😭#god my head hurts so bad i don’t think this is even coherent#might delete later who knows#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu time#jes talks#lu headcanons
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ANYWAAAAYSY here's the greenhouse finaaaally finished .. mwah
#THE STITCH COUNT WAS OOOOFFFFF FOR THE ROOF PIECES AND I COULDN'T STITCH TOGETHER THE TOPS.#kills me so fucking bad like it literally is hurting me deeeeply. but oh well fjsbfkankfbad#its probably cuz i used plastic canvas and theres no like. give or allowances#bc i followed literally eeeeverything according to the pattern. except for using fabric gjsnfjskjskabd#blabs#cross stitch#oh my god. realized i missed finishing the stitching for like a whole 15 stitches. theyre all just half stitches. KDJSKFBSKGNSKBF
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nintendo hire me i have tons of marketable skills like uhh *checks notes* drawing your characters wrong
#honest to god i drew this link thinking like 'there's no way this is gonna be that bad right' and then i pulled up his model. god#babygirl you are everything to me but why the fuck are your eyes like that. ugly hot king#also fully forgot that i never actually use the eyedropper for his hair bc i think it looks better w a redder tone#OR HIS EYES LMAOOO i always just use the champion's tunic blue even tho they are very much 2 different colors#zelda is a liiiiitle closer i think but i had to draw skinny zelda for this which hurt me a little bit#it is interesting to think abt the features i subconsciously choose to emphasize tho bc like. in my mind her hair clips ARE that big#but theyre rlly. actually not that big an element of her design LMAO#same w link's ponytail. logically i know it doesnt actually stick out like that but i desperately need to know its there at all times#also why the fuck are their model noses so small. i just noticed that. anime has done irreparable damage to the state of noses in art#anyway.#skribbles
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I rarely take pictures anymore. It’s like I just don’t want to remember any moment from this part of my life lol
#me#mine#girls with tattoos#myself#girls with glasses#girls with piercings#fairy aesthetic#fairycore#you know I come on here or I look through Snapchat memories#and even at my saddest I did not know or understand real pain#now that I do I feel so different#so old and so worn out#I feel like all the color has drained from my being#I’m not even a person anymore#I have horrid ptsd now#the only way I can really hangout with my dad is to play iPhone chess bc he’s sitting in a fucking hospital bed#oh god it all hurts so bad to think about#it makes me want to throw up#I miss who I was three years ago before all the pain#how does someone even come back from all of this#how do I see the things I’ve seen and lose what’s I’ve lost and move on to live a normal life#I had seemed to learn every life lesson the hard way and always fall in love with the wrong ppl#I had a very tough time loving myself which is still true#but that was all stuff like I could live with and grow from#this is just a deep set pain idk
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no bc the fact that we went from THIS ^^^^
to this,,, I feel so fucking nauseous I’m gonna be sick
#something something blind loving devotion turning into utter despair and pain and brokenness and grief#and EXHAUSTION#he’s just so tired. you can tell. he’s so fucking tired.#izzy hands#ofmd#like… I’m not saying he was happy before… it’s not like he was healthy then. but GOD. god.#I still cant believe ed rlly hurt him so bad that even izzy is giving up. I cant.. I cant take this…..
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AND I DONT.
REGRET.
A SECOND OF IT.
#AHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHA#MY HEAD HURTS SO BAD FROM THE AMOUNT OF ADRENALINE IN MY VEINS#GOD FUCK YOU FERRYMEN FUCK YOU MINDFRAYER#most death counts goes to them#oh my god oh my god oh my god i actually did it#oh god i dont wanna do this in brutal im happy in violent haha sobs#id like to thank projectile boosting for carrying me#literally couldnt have made it through the weezer room without you#i can go back to boring slow tedious genshin now#lyssten to my rambles
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Shout out to everyone this season who has been SO HYPED for the rat grinders to get what they fucking deserve and get OBLITERATED in the fight!!!! absolutely insane battle going on but seeing how pathetic the rat grinders really are in an actual battle alongside how All In everyone is in fighting them is SO GOOOOD AHHHH!!!!
#Also for those that havent wanted to see that rat grinders get hurt#I can understand where yall are coming from but like.#come on.#“theyre kids” SO ARE ALL THE BAD KIDS!! SO WAS LUCY!! SO IS BUDDY!! LIKE!!!#absolute rant incoming#Yes they absolutely got manipulated by porter- but also#they were already being pretty horrible people In That Year that they wanted to cheat the system while complaining about 'Unfairness'#bad things have happened to them#but bad things happening to Bad People doesnt make them Good. You can have bad things happen to you and still be a really horrible person-#they are currently trying to summon what they think is a corrupted dead god to rule over the world with RAGE killing however many they want#i am SO fucking hyped theyre getting some fucking consequences#fhjy spoilers#fhjy#dimension 20 fhjy#dimension 20#fantasy high#rat grinders
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not that i don't appreciate the ones that exist/the fics that do address it bc i do but i need more fix-its for the laugh police scene. ultimately this wasn't a huge deal really, but consider it hurt my feelings specifically and i want FIX-ITS
#HURT/COMFORT!!!!#like. i don't think ted meant to be cruel or anything and i don't think he's like A Bad Person or some shit dont get me wrong#but my GOD. ouch. ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#esp in comparison with the 'our dork' scene im fucking. weeping. please. PLEASE#trent crimm#ted lasso#tedependent#tedtrent#ted x trent#it hits my own insecurity buttons so hard man. please. PLEASE i can't even put it to words properly rn just. someone hug that man#gertspeak
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supernatural rewatch 1.16
this episode is so wincest. first we have dean being SO incredibly jealous over meg flirting with sam at the bar, standing behind sam and “ahem”ing like ‘um excuse me! can’t u see his brotherhusband is standing right here…’
then we get sam saying he wants to go back to school after this and dean fighting back tears like I KNOWW his stomach hurt so bad when sam said that.
“there has to be something you want for yourself”
“yea i don’t want you to leave .......”
look at him standing there.
PITIFUL!!!!!!!!
IM GONNA BE SICK !!! all dean wants is to be with sam for the rest of his life he just wants to be NEAR him & be together forever. like sam is the only semblance of love & affection he’s ever received. so sad & so pathetically in love with his brother it’s disgusting … i love it do it again
#liveblogging#like god yea#dean is so in love with him and who could blame him#and i love this somehwat unrequited vibe like dean pining after sam just wanting him to himself and sam dont even rly gaf#sam just wants to be normal and dean just wants sam#i KNOWWWW deans chest hurt so bad like fuck#i can see how dean sympathizers coudl turn this into a “SAM S SO MEAN !!!” moment but sam is completely valid and he deserves normalcy#but its just so sad cus dean hasnt experienced normal once in his life and i cant imagine him ever adjusting to a “normal” life like#he just wants to be married to his brother and save people and hunt things the family business#im finding mysefl leaning heavily into “weirdcest” and the like because yea#its not about the sex for me but god they need to kiss so bad#FML#wincest#spn rewatch#ham.txt#samdean#dean#sam winchester#dean winchester#weirdcest#supernatural#the winchester brothers#spn#screencaps
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#us election venting beware:#i am actually a bit annoyed at all the people that told me i was just being pessimistic and it's not healthy to think the worst of people#when yet again we have proven the worst of people wins#and even if it doesn't win (it will) it is still so significantly mobilized and out there#like i know it's not helpful. but i TOLD YOU. everyone thought it wouldn't happen and it DID.#just like nobody thought it would happen THEN and i was apparently the only one around me who saw it coming.#now can we PLEASE take this problem SERIOUSLY and get off our fucking asses and admit it's fucked out there??#the core of our system is bad. it is rotting and the proof is in this joke of an election#so can every white liberal get off my ass for 'bringing down the vibe' or whatever?#you people have been LAZY for a long time. you have been comfortable and unmotivated and been doing NOTHING.#quit focusing on doing your best by voting and get the fuck out there and disrupt. radicalize!#'common sense' is not enough and it never was#i hate to say it but believing the best in the masses in this deeply racist country will disappoint you every time#and i can't believe so many people fell for it again!!!!#i know it's unfair but#i'm finding it really difficult to sympathize with people in my community who are sad and disappointed#when i watched you do NOTHING for YEARS#(not for the people that are actively in danger. my heart breaks for you. i will not stop fighting for you. you didn't deserve this.)#i have never believed that people are fundamentally good and i'm sorry if that's mean but it's just not true#people are fundamentally neutral and you have to WORK to push them towards 'good'#and for too long the pushing has been going in the other direction. but 'pushing' at all is uncouth to you people i guess#get over your decorum. get over your morals that mean nothing. no one else is playing by your rules. DO something. CARE MORE.#sorry. i'm angry. i am filled with rage. and it is mostly directed towards the white intellectual elite.#to anyone who is blindingly furious i see you and i am with you lmao.#to anyone that wants to say 'i told you so' you are so valid.#we keep going.#futhermore: 'it's only four years. we'll recover.' BITCH#ONLY four years? that's four years of DAMAGE that will really hurt people in the meantime#and set up a whole host of problems for the future! the courts my god.#four years of bullshit policy and shit we will have to spend years untangling just to get back to even thinking about making any progress
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