#G. I. Bernard

[vintagewildlife]

Common carp, perch, and mirror carp By: G. I. Bernard From: Natural History Magazine 1984

[bananapeeeeellssss]

I’m 100% for BerTim (I think that’s the ship name it’s Bernard and Tim), but imagine.

Red Robin suddenly just gets a tag along on his patrols. The bats do not know who this person is. They can never find them. They are always there. Eventually it is let slip that Red Robin and this mysterious vigilante are boyfriends (Could be Bernard, or Kon, or anyone else doesn’t matter). This person is just as well trained as a Robin, but never gives a name when asked. So a meme begins (This is based off the Dr Seuss title)

One Robin (Dick as Robin)

Two Robin (Jason as Robin)

Red Robin (Tim as Red Robin)

Blue Robin (Mysterious Boyfriend)

Damian is pissed he was left out as the ‘blood son’ and ‘superior Robin’, Steph is dying of laughter somewhere, Babs is making sure the meme never dies, and Bruce is dying because he can’t for the life of him find his son’s Boyfriend. Naturally, Tim and MB (Mysterious Boyfriend) only find out about this after people start calling after him. Maybe the homophobes online try to argue Nightwing is the real ‘Blue Robin’ because he was the first Robin and wears blue now then Nightwing goes out with pride stuff all over his suit to support his brother.

I would write a fic but I chose to do this instead. Might make an image for it. That is all. Have a wonderful day. (Might update with more later)

[istillhaveyourlighter]

Dog homages and metaphors in songs:

i get mean when i’m nervous like a bad dog

~

i only talk to dogs cause they don’t understand me, my teeth are yellow, hello world

would you like me a little better if they were white like yours?

~

i bet on losing dogs, i know theyre losing and i pay for my place by the ring

~

you’re an angel, im a dog

or you’re a dog and im your man

you believe me like a god, i destroy you like i am

~

i’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

~

you always said how you love dogs, i don’t know if i count.

~

i’m just a dog with no bite, this is all i’ve ever known

~

i am the dog under your couch, gnashing teeth and open mouth. i shouldnt have clawed my own way out.

~

if you’d been a dog they would have drowned you at birth

~

so i will wait for the next time you want me, like a dog with a bird at your door

-

into this world we’re thrown, like a dog without a bone

-

those thoughts i cant deny, these sleeping dogs won’t lie, and now i tried but its eating me apart inside

-

i’m tired of begging for the things that i want, i’m oversleeping like a dog on the floor

-

death inspires me like a dog, inspires a rabbit

-

She loves me like a dog

And when we mess around, I'll let her known the truth

I can't rely on hope with fate

-

One last kiss, I love you like a pack of dogs

-

He’s looking for a dog, did you find your bitch in me? oh you’re abominable socially, you’re just a little bit too much like me.

-

Please take me back, I’m stray dog sick, please let me in.

If you wanna know what lyric came from where just comment and ask, artists in tags

[sockeyesoren]

Who let the dogs out

[actuallykyogai]

G Warstaff is such a cool innate technique. I think Charles is cool in general :3

[ultimate-marysue]

Setting the stage. Duke is trying to create a distraction to cover for Damian sneaking more animals in the mansion.

Duke: so B, I know it's amoral to have a favorite child but, who's your favorite in law?

Bruce: oh no..

Dick, vibrating with the force of sun: It's gotta be Babs. She literally invented the Batgirl mantle! She's arguably the most useful of all of us as Oracle. We wouldn't be half as effective without her. Plus, she's the daughter of your pal Commissioner G!

Cass, not willing to lose, especially to Dick: Uh-uh! Steph is Robin and Batgirl. He wants her to be Family, he always says!

Jason: yeah, my boyfriend is an ex-addict, teenage dad that kills people and loves to explode things, I'm sitting this one out. Have fun.

Tim, thoughtful and ignoring Jason: hang on, he can't technically have them as favorite in-laws because they're part of the family. In that case, Bernard should win. He's smart, from Gotham and hasn't done anything bad ever.

Damian, still covered in feathers: that's debatable Drake, your boyfriend was in a cult. Plus Ortiz at least knows how to defuse bombs!

Duke, remembering his girlfriend was accused of being part of the Latin kings (and was part of We Are Robin): yeah, well, she's lovely but we don't need to get lost in the details

*chaos, screaming amongst the kids. Cass bites someone*

Bruce, staring at the camera: it's Roy. Lian is my first granddaughter and the others need to really get their act together if they want to keep up. Steph is a close second but she didn't keep the baby. Nice try, but no granddaughter.

[leafatlaw]

i swear one day ill learn to bark LIKE ANYOTHER DOG

Ill guard you while you sleep at night AND MISS YOU WHEN YOUR GONE

[herpsandbirds]

I really love chamelons and other color changers. got any favorites of those?

Oh yeah, I'm a big fan of chameleons too. Here are a few favorite species...

Panther Chameleon (Furcifer pardalis), family Chamaeleonidae, Madagascar

photograph by Thorsten Negro

Crested Chameleons (Trioceros cristatus), family Chamaeleonidae, Korup National Park, Cameroon

Photograph by Bernard DUPONT 

Parson’s Chameleon (Calumma parsonii), male, family Chamaeleonidae, Island of Sainte Marie, Madagascar

The heaviest chameleon, weighing in at up to 700 g. One of the longest chameleons, growing to a length of up to 65 cm (26 in) in total length.

photograph by Jialiang Gao

Four-horned Chameleon (Trioceros quadricornis), male, family Chamaeleonidae, from the highland areas in western Cameroon and southeastern Nigeria

photograph by Kammerflage Kreations

Jackson’s Chameleon (Trioceros jacksonii), family Chamaeleonidae, found in the mountain forests of Kenya and Tanzania

Photograph by Reptiles4all

[thebirdsandthebats]

Okay @s-p-r-i-n-g-t-i-m-e I’m sure you know plenty BUT I’m going to use your wonderful and hilarious comment on this as an excuse to talk about Bernard, bc I realized recently that there are plenty of ppl who haven’t read most of the comics he’s been in. So get ready for my long overdue:

UNPACKING BERNARD DOWD + HIS TRAUMA (for those who cannot keep up with comics but want to get to know him)

So to start, Tim met Bernard years ago ofc, when they were in high school. It’s established pretty quick that Bernard is an extremely Unserious guy LMAO, the first thing he does is literally circle Tim and try to feel him out socially, see what kind of guy he is. He’s the kind of guy who gets himself in trouble with his big mouth, and seems to enjoy poking at Tim and testing his patience. By the time we meet Bernard again in the recent years, he’s grown a lot, but at his core he’s still the light-hearted, fun, goofy guy with very strong opinions. Just less stand-offish, maybe

Throughout the time Tim spends at this school though, Bernard does experience some wild shit. He lost Darla (somebody he really cared about), he experienced a shooting at his school, and then Darla came back from the dead, kind of scared the hell out of him, and used him to contact Tim again. It was kind of played for laughs, but like. That’s gotta fuck you up. (Robin #140)

Obviously this is the kind of thing that maybeee has a lasting effect on you. And BECAUSE Tim Drake: Robin got cut so short and the writer had to rush to wrap up the series, we’re left to fill in a lot of gaps and draw conclusions about the years we didn’t see Bernard ourselves. But we absolutely get some insight as to his life after Tim left that school and we stopped seeing him in the comics. Spoiler alert: it was hard.

In TDR, Bernard discusses the the cult that he’d been in that Tim saved him from in Urban Legends. He says that “he’d accepted himself”, but others hadn’t. Obviously there’s the natural reading that he means his queerness (which has me chewing through drywall), but I think that he’s speaking very broadly too. Bernard is a very odd example of a civilian, because he’s always getting dragged into things much bigger than him. And even before that, he had his big ideas, his conspiracies, his loud personality. He tended to rub people the wrong way in high school. Then in issue #7 of TDR (the Bernard pov issue my most beloved, weird pacing aside) Bernard refers to this “oozy, sticky feeling” that he ALWAYS feels when Tim isn’t around. He says when he’s alone it’s harder to put one foot in front of the other. To keep GOING. To wake up every day.

I think that Bernard has always felt like an outcast. (Robin #121, he doesn’t fit into any clique). He wasn’t as okay with it as he acted. And I think he wasn’t getting any attention from his parents. (Batman: Urban Legends #5, Bernard’s parents nonchalance to the days leading up to his kidnapping)

So just like Bernard explained to Tim, that feeling got bad. and he wanted to let go. The chaos monsters, the cult, all of it was a means to an end. But then Tim agreed to see him again, and I think that sparked something in him. Because he started learning to fight. When he was tied down to that alter and Tim was saving him, I think it fully sank in to Bernard that he didn’t want to die. Reconnecting with Tim gave him hope and made him really feel something good for the first time in ages.

So now that they’re dating after the cult fiasco, we get to know this current Bernard. A less goading, maybe calmer Bernard. But he’s still himself, of course, rambling about his ideas and making bad jokes and sticking to his guns (he has NEVER been a pushover, no idea where people get that idea?). I think a lot of people complained that Bernard mellowed out too much in terms of attitude, but I think if he seems “nicer” it’s because 1) he’s grown now. It’s been a while since we last saw him, and he’s clearly changed a lot. And 2) because he’s dating Tim now. He likes him a lot, and he’s an affectionate partner. He wants to lift Tim up.

But the fact that he was pulled into a cult still remains. And as lighthearted as Bernard tries to be, that traumatic experience still happened. It said in Urban Legends #5 while Tim was searching for him that Bernard had welts on his arms and legs and had been acting different, so it’s not like he was just snatched up on a whim. He’d spent significant time there. For those who haven’t read much abt the ways cult trauma specifically can fuck you up, I recommend doing a search if you’re in a good headspace for that and want to understand him more. because it’s pretty bad.

And then! yeah. you guessed it. Bernard gets kidnapped again. Chained up next to a BOMB that’s counting down. RIGHT WHEN HE’S WORKING ON HEALING FROM ALMOST BEING SACRIFICED BY A CULT.

And surely this can’t get crazier. He’s almost died twice in the past 6 months. except, remember his parents? In TD:R #7, we really see a little more of his relationship with his parents. He doesn’t live up to their standards, and his dad specifically seems to just want to argue with him. The restaurant they’re at is attacked, and everything goes to shit, and. you know, I think these panels really speak for themselves.

And for the record, when it’s revealed that everyone is seeing their worst fears, Bernard’s parents fears are not about him.

So now Bernard has to deal with that. And we start to see that Bernard is really not as okay as he’s tried to be. He keeps a baseball bat by his door because he’s been kidnapped twice now. And just when he’d likely thought things couldn’t get worse, he heard the Chaos Monsters were back. I can’t imagine he feels safe. He lashes out for the first time since all this has happened and yells at Kate and Tim, because while they’re doing what they feel is necessary to save more people (AND I DONT BLAME THEM AT ALL), Bernard can’t talk about it.

And I will forever be sad and insist that TD:R got cancelled too soon, just before we could get into the really juicy stuff, because things had to be wrapped up pretty quick and this was the only comic Bernard was consistently appearing in. But when Tim is giving himself up to the chaos monsters, Bernard goes out and rallies anyone he knows can help. Things were rushed because there was no more time to flesh out the story the way it could have been, but I’m including these panels just because I love Bernard Audacity Dowd using a fucking flashlight and shadow puppet to call Batman. geeking out for a minute. And then leading the battalion to save Tim with a SLEDGEHAMMER. gay people rule.

So yeah! While I see the vision of how a lot of Bernard’s trauma was meant to be semi-resolved and let him come to peace after saving Tim back, we just didn’t have the time for him to heal properly. I’d give anything to get inside his brain again. UHH IF YOU READ THIS I HOPE YOU LOVE BERNARD NOW and don’t come at me if I left something out, some of my comics aren’t with me rn. Bonus TimBer for the road:

[theladypossum]

@sister-calliope @robot-roadtrip-rants your wish is granted I give you…Bobby g and the doggo holding him (and the imperium together) #his name is Tiberius and he's mega floof #couldnt decide between mastiff or st Bernard so kinda both?

All these drawings are based on this amazing post and @kit-williams hilarious “pet the dog Cato” fic

#todays primarch rage is sponsored by the high lords of terra and #McCragge Cafe #strongest recaf in the imperium #ultrastrong

#someone start a petition to get Bobby a dog #or at least a smoke break #man can’t keep doing this #man is running on 2 hrs of sleep and Xanax

[cevansbrat0007]

Moments Shared

Summary: You and Ari share a moment during a lazy afternoon...

Warnings: Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Brat!Reader, Fluff & Schmoop, Light Smut, Secrets, Discussions of Imaginary Friends, Brief Mention of Pyromania, Light Fingering, Ass Slapping, Mentions of Spanking, Mentions of Restraints, Love Songs, Cursing, Minors DNI

A/N: This story is part of my Sweet Renegades Series. Semi-proofread but not beta'd. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

“Bird?”

“Mm?” You look up from your place sprawled across Ari’s chest, the steady sound of his heartbeat having almost lulled you to sleep after yet another lazy bout of lovemaking. 

The perfect activity for a quiet Sunday afternoon.

“Tell me something.” The easy rasp of his voice has you smiling before you even realize you’re doing it. “About you.” He absentmindedly runs his knuckles up and down your arms, marveling at the trail of goosebumps he leaves behind in his wake. 

“Um, what do you wanna know?” You press a soft kiss against his pec, the soft hairs adorning his skin tickling your nose. 

The bounty hunter takes a moment to think. “Anything.” He finally responds, as if he had weighed his options and decided he was better off not pressing his luck. So he’d settled on accepting whatever it was you deigned to share with him. And he’d be damned grateful for it. “Whatever you wanna tell me.”

“I guess I’m just not sure don’t what to say.” Of their own accord, he wraps one of your curls around a thick finger, tugging playfully. 

“Okay then, how ‘bout I start?”

“...Alright.” You roll onto your side, propping your chin up with your hand. “Take away then, Levinson. Or do you need me to do a drum roll so – eep!” You let out a squeal when he swats at your hip. 

“Mind the sass, woman.” Ari grunts, although the teasing quirk of his lips makes it known that he’s only joking. 

“Such a Beast.” You stick out your tongue at him, earning yourself another swat from your man. 

“And don’t you forget it.” He reaches out to intertwine his fingers with yours, stroking the pad of his thumb across your palm. “Now, stop trying to make me lose focus while I think of a secret to share.”  

“Oh...we’re telling secrets now, are we?” Well, that certainly upped the stakes a bit. 

“Of course.” Ari presses a swift kiss to your clasped hands. “Nothing too heavy, baby. Just our deepest and darkest.” He winks then, chuckling when you try to pull away. “Hey–I was kidding. C’mere and settle down.”

“Fine.” You blow out a breath as you shift under the blankets. “Let’s hear it then. And you’d better wow me.” You affectionately boop his nose. “I won’t be held responsible for your self-esteem if you bore me to sleep.”

Your bounty hunter sighs before tucking an arm behind his head. He’s quiet for a moment as he mulls over his words. But you don’t make any move to antagonize him further. If he was in the mood to share then who were you to stop him?

“I…had a dog named Bacon growing up.” He muses before clearing his throat. “It, uh, kinda looked like a cross between a Bernese Mountain Dog and Beethoven.”

“The composer or St. Bernard?” You tease, lightly poking him the ribs.

“St. Bernard. Forgot the name ‘til just now.” 

“Well, that must have been interesting. Never heard of that mix before.” You tell him truthfully, suddenly confused when you feel him tense beneath you. 

“He was three hundred pounds with a white lightning bolt that streaked across his left hip.” 

Now, that part of his admission gives you serious pause. You pull back, cocking your head to the side as you wait for him to continue. 

“Sometimes he talked. Fella had the coolest British accent.” Ari stares up at the ceiling, his eyes glazing over as he watches the fan overhead go round and round. “Although he didn’t eat much considering his size.”

“Ari…” What in the ever loving canine capers was he talking about?

“It’s funny…” He chuckles, his big body vibrating with mirth. “Because his favorite foods were chocolate cake, brussel sprouts, and green peas. Now, I love the first one but can’t rightfully stand the other two. And I know they say about dogs and chocolate…”

“...Makes them sick.” You mumble, wondering where he was headed with this bizarre fever dream of a recollection.

“But Bacon loved it.” He continues, almost as if you hadn’t spoken. “He and I went on so many amazing adventures. Best imaginary dog a boy could ever have.”

“I’m sorry.” You wheeze as you let out the puff of air you’d been holding without realizing it. “What?”

“He wasn’t real, Bird. But he was the closest thing I ever got to an imaginary friend. Or a pet for that matter.” Ari flashes you a toothy grin. “Ma didn’t mind too much because it meant I stopped pestering her about adopting every stray mutt we saw wandering down the side of the road.”

“But you said…wait…” You felt like you were about to short circuit. 

“Baby.” Your man’s face is serious as he leans over to cup your jaw, his thumb tracing the apple of your cheek. “Dogs don’t talk. I mean, not with words anyway. And definitely not with British accents. Be sure to make that note when you’re writing about this in your diary tonight.” 

“Oh, screw you!” A laugh bursts from his chest when you push him away. The smug bastard clearly thought he was funny. “For your information, I thought you might’ve suffered some kind psychotic break. Asshole.” Balling up your fist, you land a solid blow to his kidney. 

“I’m sorry, darlin’.” Ari coos once his laughter finally fades. “We moved around a lot when I was a kid. Me, my Ma, and my two sisters. Never stayed in one place for too long. Things tended to get pretty lonely at times, so I made up Bacon to cope.”

His voice dips as he moves closer so that he can rest his forehead against yours. “I haven’t spoken to anyone about my buddy, B, in damn near twenty years, save for you. Is that okay?”

And just like that you can practically feel your heart melting. 

You swallow thickly as you break away, giving yourself time to respond. “It is. Thank you for sharing with me.” Ari gives you a cursory nod which also signals that it’s now your turn. Great.

“I…might’ve been a bit of a firebug growing up.” A shiver courses through you, which is odd considering the fact that you’re not the least bit cold. “Something about the way the flames danced and all that.”

“Is that right?” His tone lets you know that he’s intrigued. 

“Yep.” The word flops out of your mouth. “God, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this. You might arrest me.” You cover your face with your hands before peeking at him from between your fingers. “Can I please have a minute to google the statute of limitations for the State of Texas?”

The lawman’s unexpected snort has you giggling. “From here on out, anything you share with me while I’ve got you naked in my bed will be considered off the record.”

“Okay, well – wait.” You cast him a suspicious glance, your face still partially obscured. “You promise?”

Grinning, Ari surprises you by holding up his hand and offering you his pinky finger. “I have a five-year-old niece who assures me these kinds of agreements are legally binding.”

“Alright.” Biting the inside of your cheek, you find yourself reaching out to wrap your corresponding digit around his. “But just to be safe, let me see you cross your heart.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He gives a rueful shake of his head before complying. “But I draw the line at sticking a needle in my eye.” 

“Duly noted.” Needing to stretch your languid muscles, you decide to take a second to arch your back, revealing bare breasts to Ari’s gaze. And while he doesn’t say anything, you can’t help but notice how his wandering fingers appear all too eager to pull it down even further until it’s draped across your hips. 

“I’m still listening.” Ari assures you even as his pink tongue darts out to wet his lips. “Just didn’t want you to overheat.” 

“How thoughtful of you.” You respond, rolling your eyes. Thankfully, he doesn’t appear to notice since he’s too busy tracing abstract designs along your pouting nipples. “Shall I continue?”

“Please do.” He rasps as his pupils dilate with desire.

“As I was saying, I used to be a bit of a firebug. And I…” You’re forced to bat his hands away so that you can attempt to concentrate on your story. “Well, one time a couple of us kids got our hands on some industrial grade firecrackers. The “good shit” as they say. This boy - Curtis – he bought ‘em from his cousin, Rudy. He claimed they fell off a truck on its way to Dallas.”

“Curtis. Rudy. Dallas. Got it.” A stubborn Ari goes back to toying with your breast. “Feel free to keep going.”

“I mean it, Ari. These weren’t just any ordinary firecrackers we’re talking about.” Your eyes go big as the memory overtakes you. “These were special. The name on the box read The Devil’s Anus.” 

Ari whistles low, the unusually graphic name briefly jolting him out of his reverie. “Well, that certainly paints an image.”

“Uh huh. I can still see that box like it happened yesterday. And for all the trouble it caused, it definitely was a product of Satan. Anyway, me and some of the neighborhood kids thought it would be a good idea to sneak out in the middle of night to set ‘em off. So we rode our bikes to this field on the outskirts of town to put on a little show. Mind you, this was right after the Fourth of July.”

“Mmhm.” Now his fingers have moved to fiddle with the edge of the sheet. Knowing him, he was probably seconds from kicking it off the bed. He didn’t like keeping your naked body hidden for too long. 

“Ari, would you quit it?” Again you try to fend him off, and again it does almost nothing. “Anyway, I always carried matches with me for moments like that. And so we start lettin’ ‘em fly one by one. And it was flippin’ awesome, you hear me? But they were also really, really loud too.”

“Suppose I’ll have to take your word for it, my little pyro.” 

“Well, none of us had really accounted for the noise. And not only that, but those things shoot far. One went rogue and we ended up losing sight of it behind this abandoned barn across the clearing and…” A loaded sigh escapes your lips. “The next thing we knew, the whole thing went up in flames.”

“Holy shit.” Ari blinks, now fully invested in your tale one more. “What’d you do?”

“It all happened so fast. We turned tail and raced back to town. Peddled our bikes home as fast as we could, ducking in the bushes whenever the police or the fire department whizzed by. God, I was terrified. I mean, thankfully they were able to extinguish the fire before it did too much damage but…” You trail off, allowing your bounty hunter to fill in the blanks for himself.

“I’m, uh…I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that the perpetrators were never apprehended?” Ari quirks one tawny brow as he watches your teeth begin to worry your bottom lip.

“Correct. And I prayed every night for three months straight, hoping against hope that it would stay that way. God did his part and in exchange for His grace, I never touched another match ever again. To this day, I even get nervous lighting the occasional candle.”

Finished, you give into the temptation to bury your face in his chest while you wait for him to say something – anything – about your revelation. You’d never told a soul about what happened that night. You and your little crew had sworn to go to your graves with the knowledge you’d almost started what could’ve easily turned into a pretty devastating fire. 

People went to jail for that shit.

“Say something already.” You eventually whine, hating the sound of silence the longer it lasts. “Please, Beast.”

“It’s just…” You feel a hand come to rest on your lower back. “After all this time, it’s just wild to know I’ve been sleeping with a fugitive from justice.”

Your head snaps up as you watch him snicker, your eyes narrowing into menacing slits. “You had better not breathe a word of this to anyone or I will end you.” You grip his face, squishing it between your fingers. “Just because we’re a couple hundred miles out from the ocean doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself at the bottom of it. Are we clear?” 

“Crystal.” He confirms through pursed lips. 

“Thank you.” Comes your demure reply, which has you sounding every inch the southern belle. And then you release him, all the while struggling not to react at the way he dramatically wiggles his jaw. 

“Never been more turned on in my life.” Ari growls as he palms his growing erection through the thin sheet. “I’m not usually the type to get my rocks off at the threat of bodily harm but…I just might have to let you tie me up one of these days.”

Immediately your eyes light up at the prospect of your bounty hunter finally letting you be in charge. Your gaze flits towards the direction of his pants, wondering if he maybe had his cuffs stuffed in one of his back pockets. 

You knew without a doubt that you could have a lot of fun with those shiny metal restraints he seemed to cherish so much.

“That was a maybe.” The man at your side is quick to amend. “So don’t you go getting any ideas just yet.” His imperious tone has you pouting before he’s even finished his sentence. 

“Hmph.” You cross your arms over your chest, purposely pushing up your breasts. “Then I guess I’m done sharing.”

“Aww, c’mon now, Duchess. Don’t go cold on me.” Ari nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, his freshly trimmed beard tickling the skin along your pulse point.

“Nope. I’m done and – ooh!” You cry out when he repositions himself so that he can pull one of your nipples into his mouth, his warm tongue expertly swirling over the pebbled tip. He sucks hard, moaning against your flesh. 

“But I’ve still got lots more secrets to tell.” He purrs, his hand creeping between your bodies in search of something a little more…delicate. His favorite part of you that he claimed was always so soft and sweet. 

“Well, I suppose that’s just t–too bad.” You croak out when his skilled fingers make contact with your slippery folds, causing your hips to arch. “I’m not interested.”

“Liar.” Ari teases, shifting his big body so that he can focus on your sensitive clit. “I’ve never let a woman tie me up before. So maybe give me a little time to warm up to the prospect of restraints. It might even help if you let me do the honors first, hm?”

“Then go get them.” You hiss, nipping at his jaw. 

“When I’m good and damned ready.” He snarls back before slanting his mouth over yours, his tongue sweeping its way past your lips to duel with your own. “Fucking brat.” Ari takes his time exploring every inch, every corner. And when he feels your body go lax in submission, he knows he finally has you exactly where he wants you. 

Or so he thinks anyway.

“So what if I am?” You cup his face with your hands, drawing him even closer so that he’s on top of you. Not wanting to be without him for even a second longer. “You like it.” You allow your teeth to graze over his plump bottom lip. Once. Twice. Sucking it into your mouth before releasing it with a slight pop.     

“Maybe I do.” This time his growl rumbles deep in his chest. “But if I ever hear about you playing with firecrackers again, I promise to light your ass up somethin’ pretty.”

“You’re gonna have to catch me first.” Of its own accord, your hand comes down on Ari’s muscled butt with a resounding smack.

“Did you just…spank me?” He asks, surprise evident in his tone.

Oops.

“I did. And I’ll even let you in on a little secret while I’m at it.” You confirm without even a hint of remorse as you reach out to stroke the pads of your fingers along the veined edge of his impressive cock, loving the way he responds to your touch. “I’m probably gonna do it again.”

You offer him an impish grin, which he eagerly returns. “Try it and I’ll see to it that my handprint is permanently tattooed on that sexy ass of yours.”

“But what if I’m still a little tender from earlier?” You try, delighting in the way your gruff bounty hunter switches from faux indignation to genuine concern in less than a heartbeat.    

“Are you?” His nostrils flare as he waits for your answer while his big hands skim their way down your body, checking you over. Looking for any sign that you might need more time before going another round. 

“Not really.” You tell him as you guide him back down to your weeping pussy. “Maybe I just wanted to see what you’d do. See if you’d be okay with taking it easy if that’s what I needed from you.” Your gaze locks with his at that moment, your eyes searching his cerulean depths for any sign of irritation or annoyance – of which you find none. 

“You wanna know a secret, my fierce little Bird?” Ari murmurs, his lips brushing along the shell of your ear. “Let me know when you’re ready.” You shudder when you feel his sharp teeth gently nibble your delicate lobe. 

“I’m ready.” You respond, sounding more than a little breathless. But even so, your hands find their way to the globes of his ass once again, squeezing in warning. 

“I can’t wait for the day when I finally see you wearing nothing but my cuffs. And then I’ll show you just how good it can feel to give yourself to me. But I can sense that we’re not quite there yet, you and I, so – hush and let me finish please.” He pins you with a knowing look when you open your mouth to interrupt. It falls shut without a word. And then Ari moves to straddle your waist before pinning your arms above your head.

“So we’re gonna give it a little more time. Time for me to prove to you that I’m the man you need every day of the goddamned week.” He leans down to capture your lips in a brief, but meaningful kiss. Leaving you stunned.

“But that’s not my secret. At least not really. The real secret is that ever since I laid eyes on you, I've spent almost every damn day whistling love songs like an idiot. Now, I’m gonna be honest. I hated it at first. Because in my experience, it’s kinda difficult to feel like you’re the biggest, baddest motherfucker walking around on two legs if you’re too busy humming "Just My Imagination" under your breath to remember to glare when it's appropriate.”

“I’m so sorry. But for what it’s worth…” You shimmy in his hold, loving the hungry look that swiftly flits across his handsome features. “Assuming that I’m allowed to speak now, that is.”

“Be my guest, brat.” 

“For what it’s worth…I might have a whole playlist dedicated to your overbearing ass.” You feel your cheeks heat. But you’re not embarrassed by your admission. If Ari could be vulnerable, then perhaps you could too. “One that I may or may not listen to on my way to and from the shop every day.”

Ari swallows the lump in throat, his entire body momentarily overcome with emotion. You really have no idea how happy you just made him.

“You still thinking about flying away on me, Bird?” He asks, shifting his grip on your wrists so that grab a hold of your chin.

“Falling for you is more like it.” Your spoken secret comes out barely above a whisper. “But don’t let that go to your head or anything.” 

Because you still weren’t quite sure if you were prepared to survive the landing. Only time would tell.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.” He smiles down at you, his eyes brimming with affection. “But…if you ever feel yourself falling too fast…can you at least promise to let me catch you?”

A beat goes by before you hold up your pinky finger, which he readily locks with his own. It makes your heart melt all over again. 

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Beast.”

Famous last words. If only you’d known what Fate had in store for you, then perhaps you would’ve made a promise that was easier to keep. Because you’d never been the type to gamble on anything or anyone. Not men. Not love. Because you’d already learned the hard way that that kind of shit was never a sure thing. But heartbreak…

Now that one always seemed to be waiting for you just around the corner no matter where you looked. And deep down, you were convinced that it was only a matter of time before it found you again.  

 END   

Unofficial Tag List

@daykrisr99

@identity2212

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[crypt0cryptid]

Some lyrics from my dog motif playlist

Beach life-in-death by Car Seat Headrest // Big bird by AJJ // I’m yr dog by Richie Woods // I wanna be your dog by The Stooges // Jingle of a dogs collar by Butthole Surfers // Sarah by Alex G // Hounds of love by Kate Bush // I bet on losing dogs by Mitski // I wanna be your dog 2 by AJJ // Dog song by Yot club // I’m your man by Mitski // End song by Alex G // Saint Bernard by Lincoln // Bark like a god by Sloppy Jane // Cop car by Mitski // Man in the box by Alex in chains

[poussacha]

2024 AO3 Wrapped!

Hi everyone! It's been another year, can you believe it? Time for another of my AO3 wrappeds! I have a LOT of information this year so I'll be posting the overview and the mini guide first then the month-by-month break down in a different post!

Enjoy!

There is also a separate, CUTER version on my Instagram here.

Fanfiction Mini Guide!

The Santa Clause

Barlie (Charlie Calvin/Bernard the Arch Elf)

Your Lamps Will Call Me Home by Solarcat | Rated M | 8k

Charlie Calvin's life changed forever the night his father became Santa Claus, but even Charlie didn't know how much it would keep changing.

North Pole Squad by flewtooclosetothesun_inc | Rated G | 1k

Every fandom needs a chatfic and the Santa Clause didn't have one yet.

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Zukka

where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor | Not Rated (Also Gen) | 60k

When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them. Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.

Wooing the water tribe by lenaballena | Rated T | 60k

Zuko is courting Katara, and with every passing day finds new and insane ways of showing that he would quite literally move the spirit world and earth to make her happy.

In hindsight, it probably would've been better if Sokka had realised he was in love with Zuko at literally any time before this. Or preferably, never fallen for his best friend in the first place.

knowledge and peace by thecelerystalksatmidnight | Rated T | 29k

Sokka is a man of science. Of math. Of tangible proof. Sokka started this journey two years prior without knowing what he was marching towards. Yet quietly, a path was worn. In the silence between words, Sokka understood the fundamental truths of nature. How could he not, when his father raised him with kindness and love? Sokka is at peace, here.

/

Or, Sokka is fifteen and follows his master into the Spirit World. It doesn't go the way that he plans.

Heart's a Thousand Colors by OhMyFreddy | Rated E | 125k

Sokka regularly has great ideas, and he knows that intentionally falling behind on Fire Prince Zuko's ship to "throw him off Aang's trail" is not one of them.

He goes with it anyway, and finds himself to not be the trickster he thought he was. Instead, he’s immersed deeper into the daily routines aboard the vessel. While the pursuit of Aang and Katara continues, Sokka struggles to maintain his grip on his metaphorical shield and sword against the Fire Nation soldiers around him, as each day finds him more included.

Worst, is the Fire Prince himself, who easily bested him in his village, and who makes it clear immediately that he will hunt down the Avatar whether Sokka is aboard or not.

But the longer Zuko hosts him, the more Sokka stumbles, and stumbles against *him*, and the more he finds his closest convictions challenged.

Wasn't my body rescued, wasn't it safe by sulkybender | Rated M | 15k

“If you want to laugh you can laugh,” Zuko says bitterly.

“Nephew,” Iroh says gently.

“Go on,” he says. His face is twisted up with some emotion none of them can name. He looks almost eager for it.

“I think I need some time alone with my nephew,” Iroh says.

As they back away, Zuko buries his face in his hands.

Below the Sun by CSHFic, VSfic | Rated T | 24k

Sokka is washed overboard while working on the fisherman's boat during the storm. He wakes on a deserted island.

Or... mostly deserted.

Gen

Salvage by MuffinLance | Rated T | 127k

Mid-Season-One Zuko is held for ransom by Chief Hakoda. Ozai's replies to the Water Tribe's demands are A+ Parenting. Hakoda is… deeply concerned, for this son that isn't his, and who might be safer among enemies than with his own father.

Podfic and translations in German, Hungarian, Russian, Spanish, and Ukrainian now available! See chapter one author notes for links.

I Wanna Be The Very Best by Haicrescendo | Rated G | 3k

[“Gym Leader Zuko?” He asks hopefully, and the grin the man sends him dashes his hopes into smoke.

“Afraid not,” the man says, “Zuko is my nephew and unfortunately, he’s not here right now.”

“Shit.” Sokka squirms a little. “Any idea when he may be back? I need his badge so I can—“ Go beat up Aang for being annoying and perfect at everything and making champion at thirteen goddamn years old while Sokka’s doing this whole thing late— “Better myself and reach true enlightenment. Uh. Sir.”

The man says nothing about Sokka’s age, just hmmms in consideration and rustles his bag.

“Call me Iroh,” the man says. “My nephew is like a spring wind, vivacious and—“

Flighty.]

Or,

The Pokémon AU that nobody asked for.

Keep Moving Forward to Stay Alive by Haicrescendo | Rated T | 3k

[“Watch the tail, child.”

Zuko watches the tail and cradles the baby Charmander carefully and close. It sleeps soundly like most infant pokémon and doesn’t stir even when he has to shift its position.

He knows at that very instant that he would rather die than see it harmed, and the potent spike of feeling burns his throat and the space behind his eyes.

Azula holds her Bagon with reluctance, uncomfortably, like she’d rather drop it to the floor.

Zuko never wants to put Charmander down.]

Or,

Zuko’s life has never been easy and somehow, it always manages to get harder.

The Deepest Water Haicrescendo | Rated G | 4k

[“You’re great,” Sokka says to Iroh, “But I’m going to murder your nephew. He’s dead to me.”

Despite Sokka’s forewarning that he would be coming and Zuko’s eventual confirmation via text that he would be there, Vulca’s gym leader is very decidedly not where he is supposed to be.

“You’re welcome to try,” Iroh replies, trying way too hard to sound serious and radiating amusement instead. “If you’d like, you’re welcome to battle me in Zuko’s stead.” He has that authority, Sokka knows, because Zuko’s told him so even though Vulca’s gym regent isn’t well advertised. Nevertheless, he shakes his head.

“No. It doesn’t count as a rematch if it’s you. Besides, I need to go find him and pound some manners into his damn head.”

“Again, you are very welcome to try.”]

Or,

Sokka gets blown off, helps rescue a pokémon, and maybe rescues Zuko a little bit too.

Have The Courage To Be Bold by Haicrescendo | Rated G | 5k

[Zuko wants to cry. He drops his face to the floor and sniffles into the wood and a few tears slip out of him anyway.

“Yes, you’re very fierce, little one,” Piandao tells Druk, very gently, with his hands up. “I will not hurt him.”

Zuko stifles a quiet little sob into the floor.

“Come, now. Off the floor, boy. Up, up.” Large hands grip Zuko by his upper arms and peel him up off of the floor, lifting him bodily and setting him back into his generic blue bed with its generic blue comforter. “Who did that to your face?”]

Or,

Zuko finds rescue from an unexpected source, is definitely not accidentally kidnapped on purpose, and beats up his fellow kids.

The Extra Mile by Haicrescendo | Rated G | 2k

[“Let me remind you that I haven’t seen you in person in like, a month, Researcher Pakku gave me the week to hang out with you, and instead of giving your favorite sister your undivided attention, you’re texting some weirdo who sends you...memes?”

“They’re really good memes, though!” Sokka protests, and shows her. Katara is not impressed.

“...Sokka, it’s a picture of a dude and a Butterfree going ‘is this a Pidgey?’. I think you need better taste in memes. And maybe friends.”]

Or,

The one where Katara very seriously considers an intervention for her brother.

Don't Say Your Heart's In a Hurry by Haicrescendo | Rated G | 5k

[Piandao rarely feels anger with this kind of intensity and the cold waves rocking through him are startling to the point that all he can do is mumble his address, throat tight, and hang up. He’s numb with fury as he heads straight to the house and barely manages to not slam the door open.

It startles Zuko anyway, perched on the sofa with Druk and Foxglove bundled up on either side of him.

“Are you...okay?” He asks after a moment of silence, because all Piandao finds that all he can do is stare at him. “Master Piandao?”

“I cannot believe you,” he finally manages to force out, “Two years. Two years here with me, and you let Iroh think you were dead.”]

Or,

The reunion chapter.

Catch Me If You Can by Haicrescendo | Rated G | 9k

[“Dude, it’s like seven am.”

“Uh huh.”

Zuko looks like he doesn’t quite understand why Sokka has a problem with this. He’s way too awake, and Sokka is not awake enough.

Sokka scrubs at his eyes.

“You know it doesn’t open til eleven?”

“Yeah, to the public. Sorry for thinking you’d want to skip out on the line that’s gonna snake through the whole city. Have fun with that—“ Zuko scowls and turns around to leave, and unthinkingly, Sokka nabs the back of his hoodie and tugs.

“No, please do not do that.”]

Or,

In which everyone’s a little nerdier than anticipated, Sokka is a public embarrassment, and Zuko gets honest.

You Found Me (made me into something new) by Haicrescendo | Rated G | 3k

[It’s born in a cage, in a lab that’s all stark white and generic blandness.

It’s alone, no mother or siblings present, just a face swimming in front of its shaky, infant vision. The face is considering and then ecstatic, and it feels a jerk of happiness, the first feeling it ever has.

It’s hungry but also tired, and wants to know about the world.]

Or,

The origin story of Zuko’s fire-breathing Pikachu.

Take a Pop Shot by Haicrescendo | Rated G | 5k

[Zuko leans back hard against the bed frame and sighs heavily and tips his head back to look at Sokka.

“Have you ever jumped off a cliff with a bungee before? Or, like, a waterfall?”

“What? No,” Sokka snorts. “Why, have you?”

Zuko’s quiet and considering, and he doesn’t look away.

“It’s scary,” he says, “But when you’re falling, you never want to stop. The fall feels like it takes forever, and you could do it and be happy for the rest of your life. And then you hit water, or the end of your tether. And it hurts, it always hurts, but the fall feels so good that you keep doing it, over and over again.”

“Are you falling right now?” Sokka asks.

“No,” Zuko murmurs. “Fall’s over. I hit the water.”]

Or,

Zuko implodes and Sokka wants pancakes.

Not Until I'm Ready by Haicrescendo | Rated T | 5k

[Zuko has a traveling companion.

A people one and not a pokémon one, he tells Uncle one night when they’re on video chat.

His name is Jet, he’s a year older, and Zuko found him. Well, kind of. It was kind of like they found each other, because Jet was taking a nap in a bush, and Zuko tripped over him and fell on his head. Jet had yelled and hollered about it, and Zuko had yelled and hollered back until both of them were out of breath, and now they’re apparently traveling together because Jet won't go away.

Zuko knows three important things about Jet.]

Or,

Druk evolves, June is doing her best, and Zuko and Jet’s excellent adventure.

Field and a River by Haicrescendo | Rated T | 7k

[It’s barely seven in the morning when there’s a pounding on the door to Vulca’s gym.

Zuko waits a few minutes to see if Uncle gets it (he doesn’t), and eventually drags himself out of bed. It’s early enough that the junior trainers aren’t here and the gym is deserted. Zuko hopes that they go away.

They don’t, and the knocking continues.

Zuko slides open the door.

“Hi there,” Jet tells him with a grin.

Zuko slides the door shut without a word.]

Or,

An unpleasant reunion, a little more trauma for everyone, and someone gets hit with the feels stick.

What Good is Winning (if you lose your heart) by Haicrescendo | Rated T | 9k

[“Let it be known, nephew, that I think this idea is terrible.”

“Noted.”

“Let it be known, Sparky, that I’m normally very supportive of your bad ideas and I also think that this one is terrible on an entirely new level for you.”

“Noted,” Zuko says between gritted teeth. “If you didn’t want to help, you didn’t have to.”

Toph rolls grey, unseeing eyes and flips him the bird.

“If you think I wasn’t gonna come help the second you told me about this shitshow, you’re out of your mind. You’ll die without me.”]

Or,

In which Gym Leader Zuko learns to pick his battles and hates having feelings.

Free Up Your Mind by Haicrescendo | Rated G | 5k

[Zuko slams the magazine down on the table. He’s livid, red-faced and gritting his teeth so hard that his jaw’s going to hurt later. He slams it down so hard, in fact, that it rattles Uncle’s tea setting.

“What did the local news do to warrant such a massacre?” Uncle asks mildly, hands instinctively wrapping around a full teacup. “A good ginseng could never.”]

Or,

Gym Leader Zuko breaks the internet.

Doctor Who

13/Rose

Pertinacia by lumidaub | Rated T | Comic

Rose Tyler finally makes it back but her universe has moved on. Finding her Doctor may not be quite as easy as she imagined.

A manga style comic.

Let Wonder Seem Familiar by tsukara | Rated T | 35k

The Doctor wrecks the TARDIS (again) with his regeneration energy (AGAIN), so the TARDIS thinks 'well, why not? The Time Lords are back (for now) and can fix any cracks that might happen, let's go get Rose Tyler--the Doctor's going to need all the help she can get soon', though she can't hold on to her when the TARDIS gets caught in her rematerialization loop. With Torchwood and UNIT gone, Rose tries to find the Doctor however she can--which leads her to MI6. At the same time, strange aliens are attacking spies around the world, which is exactly the sort of thing that would draw the Doctor in.

Post-Journey's End Reunion fic set in Season 12.

All This Can I Qualify by tsukara | Rated T | 8k

At the end of the events of Spyfall, everyone--including Rose--has returned to the TARDIS. There are five planets between Gallifrey and when the Fam finally ask her about what is going on.

Or: Five Planets Where the Fam Didn't Ask Where the Doctor is From and the One They Did

Every Line is a Place on a Map by disasterism | Rated G | 1k

Time deceives, disguises itself; it is not a year, a minute, an era, but a map. This is your map from London, UK to Dårlig Ulv Stranden, Norway to the edge of time. The Doctor/Rose Tyler; Bad Wolf.

Ed, Edd N' Eddy

KevEdd (Edd "Double D"/Kevin Barr)

Pick up lines by WeepingWillow1928 | Rated T | 1k

Kevin wants Double Dee's attention, and he's just desperate enough to take Nat's advice.

An Extremely Goofy Movie

Maxley (Max Goof/Bradley Uppercrust III)

🌟🌟FRESHIE AND III BY EDDAMAEASTER | RATED T | 95K🌟🌟

It's a semester later - Bradley has been all but a ghost on campus. Until Max is wandering through the music school and happens to glance into one of the practice rooms.

(One of the best if not THE best fic in the tag, I swear to GOD)

🌟🌟FIFTH COLUMN BY MADAM_MUFFINS | RATED E | 90k🌟🌟

A single dad to a child just as head strong as he was, Max finds himself struggling with broken dreams and trying to find his path in life as he enters into his thirties.

Bradley has one last chance to prove himself to his family. His father. That chance comes in the form of a failing toy factory in a city too close to the biggest personal failure in his life.

When paths cross and egos once again collide, how can Spoonerville be big enough for the two of them?

(SCREAMING MY HEAD OFF PLEASE READ THIS FIC)

Twin-Sized Mattress by AndSheWasBeautiful | Rated E | 23k

“Now you’ve put me in a tight spot,” Max laments as he re-buckles his belt, the bulge in his pants still distractingly taught. “Give me two more minutes alone. Or, you know, if you’re willing to lend a hand, we could have this dealt with in one?”

Bradley snarls at that, wrenching himself off the door and into the bathroom.

“Don’t even joke about it, freshman. You had some girl in here a second ago - what you aren’t fussy about who gets you off? Figures,” Bradley sneers, levelling the most disgusted look he can muster at Max. The disgust comes with unsurprising ease - all it takes is one sideways glance in the mirror and Bradley can dredge it up.

“Projecting much?” Max replies coolly.

-

The Gammas host a toga party.

Consequences by plaided_koala | Rated M | 4k

Bradley knows:

If you mix the alcohol with medications, there will be consequences.

Max Goof's Guide to Getting Girls by kingofheadaches | Rated G | 14k

Bradley Uppercrust the III is a virgin to everything. Never been kissed, never dated, never fucked, never done anything with sexual intentions. But when his father demands a fiancée before his father’s big gala, he has to be willing to take some help from his archnemesis-roommate, Max Goof.

Or Whatever by criesmom | Rated E | 13k

Max disentangled himself to slide out of the booth, offering Roxanne a hand to get up. They exchanged farewells with Tank and Bradley before heading towards the stairs, but with a final glance over his shoulder, Max could see Bradley still watching them leave. His face seemed more relaxed, maybe a little hollow. The expression sat in Max’s stomach long after he’d turned around.

Or

With Roxanne by his side egging him on, Max embraces the experimental nature of college life and gives something new a go - Bradley Uppercrust III

Don't let me down by Midnightblue66 | Rated M | Comic

Max is celebrating his victory at the X-Games after party when he sees a familiar face. Has Bradley finally come around to make up for his horrible behaviour?

Victorious

Reck (Beck Oliver/Robbie Shapiro)

Love in 60 days or less by Kheta | Rated G | 9k

Beck loves Jade but hates hiding and Jade loves Beck, but she hates complicated and.

And Beck comes out of the proverbial closet and other snippets of his life.

Jori (Jade West/Tori Vega)

You be the Moon, I'll be the Earth by PrettyLittlePottyMouth | Rated M | 30k

After Tori asks Jade for a favor, Jade discovers there's more to Tori than she ever expected. Tori worries that her secret is the only thing Jade finds interesting about her. Lunacy ensues.

Sam & Cat

SamCat (Sam Puckett/Cat Valentine)

I Know it Seems Far, but Just Be Where You Are by PrettyLittlePottyMouth | Rated M | 140k

Sam's arrival in Los Angeles changes everything for Cat, including the dynamics of her friend group, especially when it comes to Tori and Jade. Meanwhile, Sam struggles to leave behind her past and start something new. Lunacy becomes their new normal.

Star Vs. the Forces of Evil

Stomco (Star Butterfly/Marco Diaz/Tom Lucitor)

The Silver Bell Ball by boredomsMuse | Not Rated | 3k

How I imagine the Silver Bell Ball would have gone if Star and Tom tricked Marco into going. (And they were totally tricking him, it wasn't like they were actually avoiding their dance or anything.)

Demoncism by boredomsMuse | Not Rated | 2k

On the day of Tom's demoncism, Marco goes out and buys all the jello he can find. Because jello is the best thing to eat after the demon-equivalent of an operation.

Sophomore Slump by boredomsMuse | Not Rated | 3k

It's been a week since Demoncism and things on Earth are getting more and more tense for Marco. Especially with Star too busy to talk to him.

Being Erica

EricaTom (Erica Strange/Tom Wexler)

Me. And Me Now by sakuracorr | Rated M | 17k

Post season two. Sometimes it's hard to let go, especially when you have the ability to really find the answers to your "What ifs?"

Jujutsu Kaisen

SatoSugu (Gojo Satoru/Geto Suguru)

all your sugar lovin', it belongs to me by Gyyuuttt | Rated G | 757 Words

just some thoughts about stsg in an idol au that i don't think i'd ever be able to write into a story partly bc of lack of skill, and partly bc of lack of motivation

Life With Derek

Gen

Ding Dong, the Prince is Dead by slipslapslop | Rated G | 500 Words

“Wake up. We’re going to a funeral.”

“Derek what are you talking about?”

[hunterbunter3000]

Someone asks Sweetheart if there is anyone waiting for her at home, she responds “just my handsome man!”, none knowing she’s referring to her pet who being taken care of by relatives or friends back home.

Many hearts were broken and murder plots were made until she send them a picture of her “handsome man” while on leave 😂

STOP THEY WOULD ALL BE IN TEARS

They hear her say that, their world just s h a t t e r s

Ofc she would have a man waiting for her at home. She's absolutely gorgeous, who wouldn't bag that immediately?

They get so depressed, asking themselves if they still want to go after her still and be homewreckers or just accept the fact that she has a man and be good friends and support her relationship (and torture themselves)

(No shit tho, what if she DID have a boyfriend back at home? And the boyfie knew about her co workers trying to get her and he shows them who she belongs to? And what if the bf was a well known criminal MAYBE???? And they all fight for her in different ways? Sweetheart boyfriend!au? SHOULD I MAKE THAT HAPPEENNNN???? THE ANGST THAT WOULD COME OUT OF THAT WOULD BE PHENOMENAL)

Krueger straight up wants to murder him, but König slapped him silly and said no (Ghost and Roach were about to join, why you do that König?😢)

And then they hear it again when she was taking a break from sparring with her friend-- "I miss my handsome boy... Miss his little kisses so much!"

Are you... fucking serious right now

QUIT RUBBING IT IN PLEASE

They do NOT want to see another man kissing her. I feel like Roach would have the biggest imagination out of all of them and just daydreams constantly, and he can just see a man kissing her neck slowly. Going up to the shell of her ear and going back down to her shoulder, feeling her shivers and goosebumps along the way. My god he hates it.

So many fake laughs and smiles when she mentions h i m (it's a very taboo word around the boys) and oh g o d what would they say to Alejandro and Rudy? They would be devastated completely (ITS A HUGE MESS)

And then Sweetheart had the GALL- THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY TO SAY "Wanna see a picture of him?"

WHAT

Ghost broke his pen and Price almost swallowed his cigar. Soap put on the bravest face he can muster and said "sUrE!" With his teeth almost breaking. She's glowing as she pulls up pictures on her over decorated phone. "See? Look at him~!"

(Now don't they all feel stupid)

"It's a dog?!" Soap yells out. Sweetheart giggles. "Mhm! My big boy (insert silly dog name here), my handsome man! This was when he caught and maimed the skunk in the backyard. Took two weeks to clean the stink off of him!" She laughs like it's such a good memory, even when the picture shows a huge St. Bernard sitting happily with his tongue out covered in blood (with said Skunk laying on the ground in front of him with no head)

Yk they all felt the tension inside of them go away instantly. "It was a dog... a cute one at that." Alex says as he looks at more pictures of her dog. "Yeah! Uh-- what did yall think I was talking about?" Sweetheart asks. The men look everywhere else but at her. Why are they acting weird? Wait... oh my God.

"Did you think I was talking 'bout a boyfriend?" Sweetheart asks, eyebrow cocked with amusement. Stutters, mumbles and incoherent words play out of them

"What!? Nooooo no no of course not!"

"That's-- that's absolute crazy talk."

"No... Maybe... Ugh, Yes."

"I didn't even- I don't even pay attention to you, like what?"

She just laughs at them, her laughter putting them at ease. Now that THAT is taken care of, they ask her questions about her "handsome man".

"She has a whole folder of him... how cute." König coos, looking at the pictures with Alex. He sees one where it's a selfie; Sweetheart smushed up against her dog with big bright smiles. König and Alex look at each other before sending it to the both of them.

But Ghost still can't shake that feeling...

Does she really have a boyfriend and isn't telling us? (SWEETHEART BOYFRIEND!AU WHO??? WHEN??? WHERE LMAO)

[ambi-kiko]

tma music tma music tma music

please reblog with your own! i need it (:

also im more than willing to elaborate on any of em, just ask! (i have much to yell about)

for bitchard, we have:

kiss me, son of god (they might be giants)

i'm gonna win (rob cantor)

blood & money (the orion experience, orion, linda XO)

ruler of everything (tally hall)

BlackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA (will wood)

community gardens (the scary jokes, louie zong)

the main character (will wood)

your body, my temple (will wood)

laplace's angel (hurt people? hurt people!) (will wood)

saint bernard (lincoln)

welcome to the internet (bo burnham)

all eyes on me (or3o)

my ordinary life (the living tombstone)

cabinet man (lemon demon)

peter x elias (for my frenchies out there <33)

marine marchande (les cowboys fringants)

ok dont judge me too much i had to have smth for them ((: plus its not that unrelated

next! martin

a better son/daughter (rilo kiley)

12 feet deep (the front bottoms)

things to do (alex g)

be nice to me (the front bottoms)

step on me (the cardigans)

heart for brains (roar)

mama (my chemical romance)

summer child (conan gray)

hello my old heart (the oh hellos)

i cant handle change (roar)

against the kitchen floor (will wood)

least favorite only child (leanna firestone)

sharpener (cavetown)

empty bed (cavetown)

life's a beach (bears in trees)

jmart ((:

no children (the mountain goats)

the moon will sing (the crane wives)

euthanasia (will wood)

as the world caves in (matt maltese)

the truth (the front bottoms)

balade à toronto (jean leloup)

doctor (jack stauber)

apocalypse (cigarettes after sex)

talk to you (ricky Montgomery)

cabo (ricky montgomery)

meteor shower (cavetown)

juliet (cavetown)

feel better (penelope scott)

would you be so kind (dodie)

two birds (regina spektor)

line without a hook (ricky Montgomery)

and jon, ofc <3 i rly dont have enough for him ):

body terror song (AJJ)

downhill (Lincoln)

montreal (penelope scott)

ramblings of a lunatic (bears in trees)

its called: freefall (rainbow kitten surprise)

chin music for the unsuspecting hero (foster the people)

love, me normally (will wood)

dinner is not over (jack stauber's micropop)

also melanie! dont have that many but she deserves the mention (:

saturn suv (fredo disco)

brave as a noun (AJJ)

tongues & teeth (the crane wives)

wreaking ball (mother mother)

we fell in love in october (girl in red)

and just random songs with tma vibes (other characters, ships, dread powers, etc)

underground (cody fry)

hand me my shovel, i'm going in! (will wood)

terry's taxidermy (teddy hyde)

cotard's solution (will wood and the tapeworms)

amnesia was her name (lemon demon)

memento mori: the most important thing in life is death (will wood)

skeleton appreciation day in vestal, n.y. (will wood)

icicles (the scary jokes)

puppet boy (devo)

oh ana (mother mother)

i dont smoke (mitski)

choke (I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME)

thermodynamic lawyer esq, G.F.D (will wood and the tapeworms)

sorry haha i fell asleep (egg)

despair (leo)

stuff is way (they might be giants)

baby teeth (baby bugs)

king park (la dispute)

i/me/myself (will wood)

dr. sunshine is dead (will wood and the tapeworms)

amygdala's rag doll (ghost and pals)

little pistol (mother mother)

burning pile (mother mother)

this is home (cavetown)

body (mother mother)

turn the lights off (tally hall)

like real people do (hozier)

im going insane

[boringsickness]

i was listening to family line and i thought of Bernard. I was c r y i n g.

i need him to be fussed over his boyfriend rn.