#Fun fact: I started tearing up writing the last paragraph cause I started thinking about it for too long

[albino-parakeet]

Hikaru’s dad: If you love someone, you better marry them quick or Unuki-sama will take them.

Yoshiki’s dad out of no where during a festival: This festival used to be for a god that lives on the mountain. Stay out of that mountain. You’ll be taken away.

Hikaru and Yoshiki barely like 9 or 10:

I don’t know where I’m going with this. All I know is that Hikaru and Yoshiki look similar in age in those flashbacks. And every time I read those pages I just think of their dads being like: Maybe now is a good time to mention that there’s a god of some kind on that mountain that can and will steal the one you cherish. And also Yoshiki you specifically don’t go up there for the love of god.

Then Yoshiki proceeded to fail that crucial step of not going up there, so he could try and find Hikaru.

And now I’m thinking about that one part (I forget what chapter), where Yoshiki is talking about actual Hikaru. Saying he was unfair and would lie sometimes, and etc. Like sorry Yoshiki, but I’d probably do the same if I was told at a young age that my family apparently has some kind of deal with an eldritch god. And anyone who I deeply cherished that wasn’t family would be taken away from me.

I can only imagine what Hikaru probably felt when he realized how much he cared for Yoshiki and then having an “oh shit” moment.

Putting you’re own friend in danger because you love them so much, and they don’t even know it and probably never will. And you end up dying on a mountain alone with your last breath wishing for your friend to be happy and safe. Even if that means giving up your body to the same god you feared would take them away.

[kamino-blues]

can i request gregor flirting relentlessly w reader who doesnt quite know how to respond?? bc they think this is just the way he acts? so he literally has to be straightforward and vulnerable w them to convince them that he likes them 🥺🥺🥺 LOVE UR WRITING SO MUCH !!!!

Rating: Pg & Sfw

Warnings: Some really cheesy flirting, reader mentally complaining at the beginning about said flirting, a tiny bit of jealousy from the reader (For a few paragraphs, just used to move the plot forward!), Pre-relationship, living together, Bartender!Reader, confessions

Word Count: 2k

Note: Hi this ask is absolutely adorable, I had so much fun writing this!! I went on a chaotic quest of looking up cheesy pick up lines I'm ngl 🤣I really hope you enjoy, thank you so much for the ask!!! 💕

Working at Cid’s bar has been an experience, to say the least. You have met a variety of patrons, from tough bounty hunters to those just trying to escape from their usual life. Nothing, and you mean nothing, has prepared you for the chaos that is Gregor.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t worked with clones before, you had interacted multiple times with the Bad Batch. They just didn’t interact the way that Gregor did with you.

When you first met him, he was being helped into the main area of the parlor by Echo. There was a loopy looking smile plastered on his face as he was lightly placed on the floor. Quickly you slid out from behind the bar, looking at the pair in front of you.

“What happened?” You quickly uttered out, getting ready to sprint back to Cid to let her know that there was a mysterious (and handsome) clone sprawled out on the floor in her bar. Echo opened up his mouth to explain what was going on, but the mysterious clone spoke over him.

“People I know call me different names, I don’t care what they use. But with you, I’d prefer if you call me mine~” The clone purred out with a wink, falling into a small fit of giggles. You were utterly speechless, staring at the clone with a blank look on your face. A light blush slowly started to slip onto your cheeks as you realized what he had said to you. You quietly let them know that you were going to grab Cid, practically running away from the pair to the back room.

You heard the clone yell out to ‘Comm him’ as you ran away, and you went to hide in Cid’s office, letting her know what was going on.

After that interaction, you figured that you would only have a few more interactions with him before he would leave. What you didn’t realize was that Gregor was being dropped off by the Bad Batch to stay at the bar.

The biggest surprise to you was that it was decided that he would be staying in your apartment while he recovers. It was an interesting night when you found out, the doorbell ringing as you were getting ready for bed.

Opening the door, you suppressed a groan, seeing the flirtatious clone you saw before standing in front of you.

“Let me make a call real quick, um I don’t think I ever got your real name.” You muttered out as you started dialing Cid’s number into your comm.

“Can I help you?” You spoke, your tone blunter then it would normally be. The mysterious clone rubbed his neck, a little titter falling from his lips.

“Cid sent me over, she said that I could stay with you?” You raised an eyebrow at him, before opening the door to let him in.

“Gregor’s the name sweet-“ You took your focus off of him as Cid picked up the phone, walking out of the room into the kitchen.

After a long talk, it was official. Gregor would be staying with you, and also working with you at the bar. Letting out a sigh, you rested your head in your hands, leaning against the kitchen counter.

You heard footsteps, stopping a few feet away from you. Moving your hands from your eyes, you saw Gregor looking at you curiously. You gave him a small smile, accepting your fate as you pushed yourself up to sit on the counter.

“So you are living here now,” You stated, not moving your eyes from him. Gregor nodded, giving you a small wink.

“I guess I am,” You saw him glance at your comm, and you could almost see the lightbulb go off in his head, especially with the way he started to smirk.

“You know, I think there’s something wrong with my comm. Your number’s not in it.” You stared at him for a few moments before rolling your eyes, taking your comm off to throw it at him. He fumbled with it, before successfully capturing it in his hands.

“Put your number in there than wonder boy.” You muttered out, turning away from him to cover the blush that was starting to form on your cheeks.

Your movement didn’t stop you from missing the large smile that slipped onto his face when you threw the nickname out. You heard him typing on your comm, you turning back when he exclaimed that he was done.

Gregor held the comm out, your hand brushing lightly against his as you grabbed it. The blush wasn’t leaving your cheeks, especially when you looked down and saw that he put his name in as ‘Wonder Boy 💛'.

You quickly let out that you were going to head in for the night, and practically jogged to your room. But Gregor couldn’t leave without wishing you goodnight in his own way could he?

“Sweet dreams… I hope I’m in them!” You heard him call out, and as soon as you shut your door, you leaned against it, sliding down with your face in your hands.

Your face was completely flushed, not knowing how to handle the constant flirting. It just had to be his personality, surely he was just messing with you. In fact, you were positive that he was just joking around! But why were you so affected by his words?

The next few weeks went by pretty quickly, even though you weren't used to the constant attention Gregor was sending your way.

It almost felt natural, him living with you. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, he was honestly a sweetheart, and also a big help around your apartment.

You were falling headfirst for him, and there was nothing you could do. So as you were making drinks behind the bar, it was your goal to stay focused on your work instead of him.

However, it was almost as if he heard your thoughts, him sliding over so he could ‘clean the bar’.

“Any chance you have an extra heart? Mine’s been stolen!” You rolled your eyes, and he held his chest in dramatics. “I’m serious! You don’t want me to die do you?”

“I mean-“ You stifled the laughter that threatened to fall from your lips. The look on his face was priceless, and you couldn’t stop the giggle that slipped from your lips. You saw Gregor trying to conceal his own smile.

“You wound me!” You couldn’t hold back your laugh, and the both of you fell into a fit of giggles. You heard Cid yelling at the two of you to get back to work, and you both fought off your giggles as you went back to what you were previously doing.

The rest of the night went by pretty smoothly, until right before closing. You were almost done with cleaning up until you saw Gregor laughing with a cute girl.

Your eyes widened, before your face flushed in embarrassment. Why were you falling for him? It was clear that he was like this with everyone. You finished up, before walking out of the bar, leaving without waiting for Gregor.

After a little while of wandering around, you stopped at the local park, sitting on one of the benches. You brought your knees to your chest, tears in the corner of your eyes as you looked around.

You felt your wrist buzz, and you knew who it was right away. You paused, not wanting to pick up. Though you knew better, he would probably scour the whole city to make sure you were ok. Tapping the answer button, you took a deep breath.

“Hello?” Your voice cracked, which caused you to flinch.

“Hey, where are you? You were here one second and then gone the next,” you heard him let out a nervous giggle, before a sigh fell over his lips. “Are you safe?”

You nodded, before you realized he couldn’t see you. “Yeah, yeah I’m all good. Don’t worry about me, ok?” You heard him take another breath, him seemingly debating on what to say.

“You may be out of sight right now, but you’re never out of my mind.” Gregor settled with, and you groaned. He let out a small laugh, before his tone turned serious. “Really though, where are you?”

“The park, the one a few blocks away from the parlor,” You told him. As much as you didn't want to see him face to face, the tone he had was the most serious you had ever heard so you complied.

“I’ll be there in a few, stay where you are ok?” You heard him shuffling, and it almost sounded as though he was running.

“Ok wonder boy, I’ll see you soon,” You heard him click off the comm, and you rested your head on your knees, mentally preparing yourself for the conversation you weren’t ready to have.

Gregor was true to his words, he was there in a few minutes. He slipped onto the bench next to you, taking in your form. Spotting the tears, a frown slipped onto his face.

“You don’t have to answer this, what’s wrong cyare?” You tilted your head at the nickname, before looking away from Gregor. You had so much you wanted to say, but at the same time you weren’t ready for the embarrassment.

“I.. When you talk with me, you’re joking around right?” Your face was bright red in embarrassment, not wanting to come out and ask him if he meant the flirting. Gregor stared at you, it slowly clicking in his head what you meant.

“Do you.. want me to be joking?” You squeezed your eyes shut at his response, not knowing how to respond. You shook your head, and you felt his arm wrap around your shoulders. You leaned your head on his shoulder, thinking of what to say.

“When I saw you with that girl in the bar, it clicked with me that you probably flirt with everyone, that it isn’t just me. I mean, you’ve been like this since minute one-“ you felt his grip tighten on your shoulder, a sigh falling from his lips.

“I wasn’t flirting with her cyare,” He let out another nervous giggle, “Ever since the last incident I had with my old line of work.. Before the gunshot I mean,, I’ve had a hard time filtering some of my thoughts and emotions. Flirting with you was the only way I could handle my crush on you. I.. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You were sure he felt you tense in his arms. Gregor started to move away, but you lifted your head, moving to grab his hands in yours.

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable Gregor, not at all… I just misinterpreted…” You trailed off, looking up at Gregor. He had a small smile, eyes light as he looked at you.

“Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back,” You let out a small giggle, him joining you until you responded.

“Of course you can,” Gregors face had a wide smile on it, and you couldn’t stop yourself from giving him a peck on his lips. You moved to pull away, but he moved his hands onto your mid back, pulling you towards him.

Your lips collided once again, lasting for a lot longer than the last kiss. Your eyes slipped close, savoring the soft kiss that you never thought that you would have. As you both slowly pulled away, you leaned forward, resting your forehead on his.

As you basked in each other's presence in the cool evening air, it truly felt like the start of something new.

[cryingoverafictionalcharacter]

Pinky Promise

Summary: Fred and Y/N have been rivals for a while, but no matter if it was pranks, or quidditch or something else, they always had their limits to not hurt the other. In fact, for the past few months Y/N and Fred have been growing closer, and even developing feelings for each other, but everything changes when one of Fred's pranks go to far, and he needs to find a way to fix it to save their relationship.

Warnings: Swearing, Fred being kind of a dick, Reader getting angry, confrontation, some angst, kind of a lot of angst actually, ends in major fluff though, also humor because I may not not how to spell but I’m hilarious.

Word count: 2.7K

A/N: comin at cha with ANOTHER ENEMIES TO LOVERS FRED WEALSEY FIC??? Why am I so uncreative? Idk, anyways I hope you enjoy!

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You were beyond furious. You didn’t think there was a strong enough word to describe how angry you were, and you were pretty sure if you were any angrier steam would be coming out of your ears. And the reason for all this anger you may ask?

Fred Fucking Weasley

You stormed through the hallway, heading straight to the dining hall. It was late, and you barely anybody would be in there, but you knew he would be. 

You stopped in the doorway, scanning over the tables until your eyes landed on a familiar mop of red hair. Locking your eyes on your target, you stomped over, clutching your bag tightly in your right hand.

“Oh shit- what did you do this time?” You heard Lee whisper to Fred, as you got closer, but you paid him no mind, eyes locking with Fred’s, who had that same stupid smirk that he always did. It made your blood boil.

“Good evening love, how’s your night going?” Fred asked nonchalantly, as if you were friends and not life long enemies.

“I have to say, it was going quite well, until I found this” You seethed, slamming your bag onto the table in front of him. “Say, does this bag look familiar to you?”

“Nope, can’t say it does” Fred shrugged, but the glimmer in his eye said differently.

“Really? Why don’t you take a closer look” You insisted, grabbing the bag off the table, flipping open the top, and flipping it upside-down, causing an eruption of water to fall from the mouth of the bag.

The water continued for what felt like forever, pieces of paper and pens falling out with it as the contents emptied out onto the floor, soaking yours and Fred’s shoes, but neither of you made a move.

After the water had finally stopped, you threw the bag into his lap, causing him to look down at it, a thoughtful hand on his chin.

“You know, now that I’m looking more closely at it, it does look a bit familiar” He said simply, and judging by the nervous looks on George, and Lee’s face when they saw you, you for sure had steam coming out of your ears now, but you kept your composure.

“Oh, well that’s good. You see, I’m trying to solve a bit of a mystery of who could have done this. Would you have any ideas?” You asked, crossing your arms in front of you.

By now, most of the cafeteria had cleared out. They have seen you and Fred get into heated arguments before. But this was different.

This was going to be fatal.

“No clue, but I have to say whoever thought of it is a bloody genius” He complimented, giving you a grin.

“Genius you say? So you think, flooding my one bag, and ruining all my homework, as well as my ten page essay that I’ve been working on all month, that’s due tomorrow... is Genius?” You asked, the calmness in your voice adding a coldness to the room that shot straight to everyone's bones.

And judging by the now terrified face Fred wore, he was feeling the effects of your voice as well.

“Oh, I see there's been a mix up, I’m actually George-”

“You are fucking not! Don't get me caught up in this” George interrupted, standing along with Lee to flee the scene 

“So sorry about him, Y/N, he can’t be helped. Try not to go to hard on him-” Lee started, but a quick glance his way shut him up instantly “Actually on second thought, do what you see fit, see ya Fred”

With that, George and Lee practically sprinted out of the dining hall, leaving you standing over Fred, who suddenly felt very small.

“I swear, I had no idea your essay was in there, if I had known I wouldn’t have-” Fred started apologizing, but was quickly cut off when your hand slammed down on the table beside you.

“You see Fred” You said, taking a seat on the bench next to him. “I think you did know. We’re in the same class, you’ve seen me working my ass off trying to get this essay done, and you’ve even asked for my notes, which I refused because of this kind of shit you pull” 

Fred swallowed thickly, his heart beating out of his chest at your anger. He had seen you angry before, and he’s been cross with you a few times as well, but those died down fairly quickly, and most of the time there weren't to many hard feelings. And you were right, he had seen you working on that essay, both in class, and at two in the morning in the library.

“Now” You continued “We’ve had out little quarrels in the past, you prank me, I prank you, you hit me with a quaffle at quidditch, I hit one back at you, nothing too serious. But this” She paused, picking a sopping wet pile of papers off the floor, and plopping it in front of him “Is really really fucking low. Did you know, I was already failing this class?”

The question put Fred on the spot, and he felt his heart sink to his stomach. He had always known you to be extremely smart and quick minded, so to hear you weren't doing so well in that class came as a surprise.

“Yeah, I’m failing because, fun fact, I’m fucking exhausted. I’m staying up till three in the morning every night, trying to get caught up in classes. I’m writing back and forward to my family constantly because they’re going through financial problems again, Umbridge is constantly writing me up for no reason, and on top of all of that, I still need to be worried about this” 

Your voice was beginning to shake a bit, and you both knew you were about to cry, but you were determined to keep the tears in until you were done. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“So... Fred, consider this little rival, or fight, or whatever the fuck this is, over. I’m done, you win, just please, for the love of fuck, leave me alone” 

With that, you stood up and left the dining hall, quickly wiping the stay tear that snuck out on your way. All the while, Fred sat in shocked silence. He had always seen your little back and forwards as friendly competition, and had even thought they were a bit flirty at times. In fact, you two had been getting a bit closer these last few months, and had even started hanging out as friends. But now, he had royally fucked that up, and he needed to fix it.

The next day, you were exhausted. You had spent a lot of the night crying, which you hated but all the pent up emotions just came flooding out. Yes, you were absolutely pissed at Fred, but most of all, you were hurt. In the last few months, you’re arguments had died down a bit, and you found yourselves hanging out from time to time, always accidentally, but you enjoyed his company none the less.

You had even begun to like him a bit, maybe even more than a friend. He was nice, and charming, and wicked funny, and always tried to make you smile, but now, after seeing how careless, and almost mean he had been, you knew you needed to shove those feelings down. So you did. 

Your first class was potions, which of course you had with Fred. He sat behind you, and for a while, he made the class bearable, passing notes back and forward. But now you were absolutely dreading it.

Fred was sat in his usual seat, waiting for you to walk in. He had come in early, hoping to get the chance to talk to you, but when you walked in just as class began, he knew he would need to try a different approach.

Not even five minutes into the class, you felt a piece of paper land beside your elbow on your desk. You looked down, finding a folded up piece of paper, which you immediately knew was Fred's.

You could feel his eyes burning holes in the back of your head, but instead of turning around, you simply flicked the paper off your desk, returning your gaze to the chalkboard. A few minutes later, another piece of paper, this time on top of your notebook. Again, you flicked it off. 

Finally, five pieces of paper later, you smacked your quill down and picked up the newest piece of paper from your desk, unfolding it and looking it over, Fred watching you closely as you did

Can we please talk? I’m sorry

You finally turned around to meet the boys gaze, his eyes instantly lighting up at the change, but his spirits quickly fell when he saw your face, not angry, or frustrated, but sad.

You had had enough, facing the boy, you placed the paper back onto his own desk right as the professor dismissed the class, quickly slipping out of the room before Fred could follow you.

You avoided him like the plague the rest of the day. You didn’t have many other classes with him, and the ones you did share you made sure to find an empty seat far away from him, you even skipped lunch, choosing instead to read in your next class. 

You even skipped the class where your essay was due, not wanting to show up and hand over nothing, you decided to spend the rest of the day alone, and try to redo your assignment, even if you now only had a day to do it.

Fred only saw you again after class by the forbidden forest. He had found you pretty easily, you weren’t in any of your usual spots, so he knew this would be the next best spot to check. As he approached you, he found you had changed out of your uniform and were now in some joggers and a sweatshirt, sitting with your back against a rock as you scribbled in the notebook in front of you.

You chewed your lip as you tried to rewrite your essay, looking to your textbook and back every few second, before messing up on a word. Frustrated, you scribbled out the paragraph you had been working on and threw your notebook and quill to the side, resting your elbows on your knees as you held your head in your hands.

You quickly snapped out of it though when someone behind you cleared their throat, getting your attention and making you jump out of your skin. Panic surged through you, expecting a teacher, or worse, Umbridge, but the fear was soon replaced by irritation when you made eye contact with none other than the very red head you had spent all day trying to avoid.

“What do you want Fred?” You asked, turning back to face the forbidden forest, away from him. 

He didn’t answer, instead you were met with the sound of grass shuffling beneath his feet as he got closer, taking a seat before holding something out to you, causing you to look over at him.

It was your bag from yesterday, but now completely fixed and dry. It looked like brand new. 

You took the bag from him and looked it over, going over the seams and the straps before finally opening it, finding your notebooks, pens, and homework assignments all neatly tucked inside.

“How did you- When did-” you rambled trying to find the words and you shuffled through your belongings, finding them all intact and dry before finally turning to look at him “Why did you do this for me?”

Fred wasn’t expecting that question, but he still answered, looking down at the grass.

“I felt really bad after yesterday, and not just because of that stuff you... anyway, I know I went too far, and I shouldn't have done it in the first place, but I wanted to have a reason to talk to you I guess, and I did it in the worst way possible, and I wanted to make it up to you. I’m sorry”

You looked at him, before turning back to the bag, noticing there was something missing, but before you could say anything Fred continued.

“I was also able to save your essay, it took a while but it was all there. I was going to give it to you in class, but you didn’t show up so I turned it in for you and said you were sick. I got to read some of it by the way, its really good and I would be surprised if you-”

Fred was cut off by you moving your bag to the side and turning to face him, wrapping your arms around him to pull him into a hug. 

Fred was too shocked to move for a second, but quickly found himself returning the embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist and hugging you closer. You sat like that for a minute, your face buried in his neck as a thousand emotions flooded over you. Finally, you pulled away, looking him in the eye.

“I’m not saying I’m not entirely grateful” you started “But you could have just come and talked to me, why did you feel you needed to do that to talk to me?”

At this, Fred’s face began to heat up a bit and he looked back down, fiddling with the grass. He was hoping to fix your friendship and move on, maybe one day growing to be something more, but now he was faced with the choice to tell you his feelings, or lie, and he didn’t want to deny it anymore.

“We’ve always had our little competitions and stuff, ever since we were kids, and for a while we really hated each other. But then, these last few months I got to know you a lot more, and I always knew you were funny, but you’ve got a wicked sense of humor, and you’re super smart, and are always helping people, and you’re always kind to everyone you meet, and I thought I might have had a crush or something. And I didn’t really know how to interact with you in a not competition way, and I didn’t want to freak you out, but after the bag, seeing how it hurt you, it broke me. And I realized that I liked you a lot more than I thought I did”

Fred looked up at you, waiting for your reaction. Were you angry, upset, happy? Your face wasn’t giving him any signs, but then, a small smile crept to your lips, and despite how hard you tried to fight it.

You laughed.

“I’m sorry” You started, trying to fight the laughter bubbling in your chest “I’m not laughing at you, I’m not, it’s just-” Another laugh. “God were just a bunch of idiots aren't we?”

Fred was looking at you like you’d gone crazy

“What do you mean?”

“I like you too dumb ass” You confessed.

“You... oh... Oh!” Fred exclaimed, finally putting the pieces together. “Wow, I really fucked up didn’t I”

“Oh for sure” you nodded, causing Fred to let out a groan, shaking his head before looking back to you, a smile on his face.

Without thinking, you leaned forward, closing the rest of the space between you and pressing your lips to his. Fred returned the action, bringing a hand to the back of your neck to pull you in closer, deepening the kiss.

After a few seconds, you both pulled away, each with goofy smiles on your faces.

“Does this mean I’m forgiven?” Fred asked.

“Only if you promise to never do it again” you said

“Deal” Fred answered quickly, holding out his pinky to you, which you wrapped your own pinky around, shaking on the agreement.

“Wow a pinky promise, that's some hard core shit” You joked in a serious tone.

“Hey, if it means I get to spend more time with you, I’d pinky promise to anything” Fred replied, to which you gave him a feigned shocked expression.

“Anything?! Aww, you like me like me” you teased, laughing as Fred playfully pushed your shoulder.

“Shut up you like me like me too” Fred argued

“That is true” you nodded, before smiling and grabbing the front of his shirt, pulling him into another kiss, smiling as he pulled you even closer.

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A/N: Heeey, so I was hit with the biggest surge of motivation today and I literally got two weeks of homework done, deep clean my room, and wrote this, so if I go dark for a few months its probably because I’ve used my adrenaline budget for the year lol.

But seriously, I know this fic gets a bit... deep ig? Idk, I’ve been going through it recently and I wanted some angst that would actually reflect how I would react in that situation if you know what I mean? Like I see a long of angsts where the love interest does something really mean, but a simple apology solves everything and yeah. No hate if that’s your writing style, its just not my thing, and I wanted to express my emotions through here, because nobody directly fucked up an entire month of my work but it certainly feels that way sometimes.

Anyways, rant over, I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave any feedback or recommendations you may have.

[jimlingss]

Dear Miss Kina, it's me again! First of all, congratulations on finishing your final fanfic on this blog! It was immensely what i've been waiting and hoped for. You definitely played with my heart till the very end! It's kind of like - with every fic you've released till now from Seokjin fics to Jungkook fics - every one of them are all so perfectly crafted, every member gets so written well that sometimes time flies so fast when im reading it!

I waited, and read The End for like two hours? And it was really worth it (im wriitng this at like 3am too) like damn i was pausing every second because I was just trying to decipher whatever was happening in each scene, it was all a lot to take in because with each scenario created with the boys, it almost felt like six whole fics crammed into one! The scrollbar was really small n wasn't moving at ALL when i was reading the first few parts and i was like, "wait this feels more like a 60k than a 31k ㅠㅠ" ??? Like how??? But i was smiling as i was reading through the whole thing, to find out it was a Jin centered fic -- and honestly all of your Jin fics are godtier -- i was like "YES YES YES OMG YES I THINK I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING" n it was real fun to guess which member went next and how the scenario would turn out.

N i really loved how smooth u incorporated both oc and Jin during each scenario, their bickering was so fun and their moments made me go "AWW WTF I WISH I WAS OC ATM" AND OMFG especially that parf where ic asks jin if he ever knew her before everything happened n the whole "like you love me" scene went down -- my mouth was WIDE open i was tearing up and i screamed so loud lmaooo omg ur like the only writer to actually make me react so violently about that ○_○ n when the scene wherein oc wakes up and doesnt see jin and rushes out, the way you wrote it, you sense the urgency and the dishevelled/rampant thoughts of hers when she sees seokjin on the floor bleeding like that and all the way to the hospital scene where she cant even talk despite feeling so sick DAMN i cant even stop staring at the screen even tho my head hurts from being awake all night (but honestly ur worth it)

Like if i had to rank the individual realities where reader ended up with, i think the one i got sadder for was the Taehyung reality -- the oc in that universe couldn't even have time for herself n gradually drowned in becoming a mother and a wife n all i could think of was "tae u should at least treat your wife >:((" n with Yoongi's i was like "whut's happening," and instead of being hurt about it i for no reason started to discuss my thoughts onto thin air "i dont want a partner like yoongi, they dont have time for e/o n thats kinda sad" n thats where i really started to guess maybe every scenario has a major downside but i had to figure it out. N then with Hoseok n Joon's i felt my heart crack a lil bit bc the oc's insecurities in that part (she felt world's apart to hobi n then inferior to joon) i was like...this is me n I DIDNT WANNA FEEL THAT WAY IN A RELATIONSHIP so then again i started to talk to myself looool. Then we have Jimin's that got me like damn :(( thats kind of harsh -- being in a reality with oc in the picture removes the fact that jimin had a stable life. And i guess with every scene you made with all members (did that intend to give me life lessons or sum uhh)

And last but not least, Jungkook's! Not gonna lie, i also thought he was gonna cheat on oc bc she mentioned she was a racer, thats the reason he was late to her bday dinner, but then the dots started to connect when she mentioned why jin looked solemn in the hospital (re: everything that i mentioned a paragraph or two before)

I do know this was loosely based on TATBILB, but as i was reading through it i found so many similarities to it. Like the BTS UNIVERSE incorporated in where Jin goes back in the last to try and desperately change the future where he is not there in order to stop people from getting hurt. And also Orange (one of my fav mangas) where Naho received letters (along with her friends) from her alternate self to save Kakeru from committing suicide, and it had the happy ending too wherein she stopped him from getting right in front the truck (tho there were mistakes that she didnt do correctly)

And that's all 😭🤧 im sorry if this ask was really long. But i wanted to say thank you for creating all of these wonderful stories! They made my day n i could still rmember finding out about you as a baby army myself so i could say you were part of my journey as a new army msksksksk. It was such a great fun time to be waiting for new fics to drop, new chapters released and announcements and funny asks to scroll through on my tl! I do hope you do well in whatever you embark on from now on and hey you'll finally get to publish a book! And i'll most likely read that too ^^ happy 5 years to the blog^^ thank you user Jimlingss, thank you Kina!

omg thank you for this amount of feedback and your extensive praise, I feel undeserving of it hahaha anyway, thank you for taking your time to enjoy the end. honestly, I was aiming for it to be a 50k fic to just really indulge you all as my last story. But as I was writing it, it turned out muuuch shorter to my exasperation. but it still stands as my longest oneshot and I think it ended up pretty great in spite of being so much lower than my intial word count goal. that being said, I'm glad it felt long to you!!

Also thank you for giving me a run down on your thoughts on the other timelines LOL it was really fun for me to think about it as well and consider what OC and Jin would've chosen had they chosen. While each had their downsides, some of them they liked more than others. since you indulged me so much with such a long message, I'll indulge you as well....OC's choices prob would've been JK > Tae > Joon > Hobi > Yoongi > Jimin. While Jin (if he could make the choice for her), it would've been Joon > Tae > Yoongi > Hobi > Jimin > JK.

I came up with the whole idea of the end. while watching TATBILB cause I thought this whole alternative reality worlds was gonna happen but nope, they took a much different direction lol and I'm happy to hear you mention Orange bc that was one fantastic manga I read!! Personally, I find the end. to be the love child between The Truth Between Us and The Seven Kinds of Love (with a sprinkle of Seven Seconds in Heaven) hahha there's definitely elements of pre-existing stories to this guy but I don't mind so much since it feels like almost a call back to them :')

Anyway thank you for the love and encouragement!! I'm sending well wishes to you too!!

[private-snippers]

A Fog of Green

Soulmate September Day 4 - There is a trail of colour only you can see that marks out where your soulmate has been.

Pairings: Intrulogical, very minor anxceit (it’s mentioned in like two paragraphs at the very end

Warnings: blink and you’ll miss it self deprecation, talk of blood, gore, death (generally just Remus being Remus)

Notes: you can read Intrulogical as romantic or queer-platonic. I like to think of them as QPP’s, but there is talk of proposing at the end and I’m not sure if QPP’s get married?

ao3

Logan sighed, checking his watch for what must have been the seventh time in the past minute. If Patton has been in his position, he may have said Logan was checking his watch for the thousandth time, but he wasn’t, and Logan was not one for hyperboles.

Logan’s shift had started nearly 10 minutes ago, and they had been fidgeting endlessly ever since. He had been expecting a calm shift, looking at the fish and perhaps informing customers of a few facts. With this new disturbance, however, they thought it best that the customers simply inform themselves using the plaques attached to the walls nearby the tanks. The constantly fading trail of green smoke had their full attention.

It flowed in from the jellyfish exhibit, through the hall Logan was stationed in, and out past into the amphibians and beyond. Logan had come into the hall through the reptile exhibit, only passing the entrance to the amphibians, too engrossed in his thoughts to notice the green smoke. Even if he had noticed, however, he would have had to wait, as he did now, for the end of his shift. It was only his second day at the job, he could not afford to be flagged for missing his shift.

Instead, Logan spent their time pacing the hall, thinking of their soulmate and praying to the stars and the constellations among them that their soulmate would still be in their general vicinity when their shift finished.

Luckily for him, there was no need to wait.

Logan heard several pounding footsteps come in from the reptile exhibit, along with a few muffled apologies. His head snapped up, but not quick enough to dodge before he caught a flash of green out of the corner of his eye and someone slammed directly into him.

“Oh, fuck! Sorry! I’m looking for my–” they paused, looking at the air around Logan, “for you, apparently! Shit, that was a bad first impression. I’m Remus, she/her right now!”

“Logan, he/they. I presume that you are the source of all this green smoke everywhere?”

“So long as you’re the blue! Wait, I'm green? Please tell me I’m a good green!”

Logan laughed, “Well I certainly believe you to be. My apologies for not finding you sooner, I was planning to finish my shift before searching for my soulmate”

Soulmates. That’s what they were. Remus took a good, long look at the person standing in front of her– her Soulmate!–and grinned.

“I was too caught up in the exhibit’s to notice the smoke! They redid the reptile tanks after the last time I was here so I was reading all the new signs they put up!”

“You enjoy learning? Excellent. I am pursuing a degree in Astrophysics, with a minor in astronomy.”

“Ooh, fun! I’m gonna be a marine biologist, I’m writing a research thing on turtles! Did you know that alligator snapping turtles are a thing! They’re like alligator-turtle hybrids and they are insane! Nature is fucked! I wonder what it’d look like if they tore off someone’s head! Would it be like one clean snap, or maybe just a big, gushing tear–”

“Well I do not believe that an alligator snapping turtle would enjoy a human,” Logan interrupted, “it would certainly be interesting to research what effect their jaws and teeth have on their prey. Perhaps we could research it together over dinner?”

Remus looked up in astonishment, “You want to have dinner with me?”

“Why, of course. You are my soulmate, after all, and I do not believe that I would be given a soulmate I would dislike conversing with. The majority of soulmates develop a relationship together, do they not?”

“Well, yes, but– never mind. I’ll talk to Emile–my therapist,” Remus said after a questioning look from Logan, “about it next week.”

“If you are certain.” After a nod from Remus, Logan continued. “Why don’t you tell me more about Alligator snapping turtles? They sound intriguing, and you certainly seem to know a lot about them.”

The two continued to chat for the rest of Logan’s shift, prattling on about alligator snapping turtles, various other reptiles, and certain aspects of space that may or may not have involved explosions and flames.

~~~

It was a few weeks after the two had met, and their relationship was progressing nicely. They were texting or calling daily and meeting regularly as well. A few days ago, Remus had said that their brother wanted to meet Logan. Logan had agreed, as they saw no reason to wait any longer to meet, and as such had arranged to meet today.

Logan and Remus were standing in front of Roman’s door, a small two-bedroom apartment on the third floor of a building in the middle of downtown. Logan was nervously clasping and unclasping his fist, as he often did when he was anxious.

Remus grabbed their hand, squeezing it before whispering to them. “It’s alright, Lo, Roman’s great! Don’t tell him I said this but,” Xe lowered xir voice a bit, “he’s really helped me with, well, everything, and he’s a great brother.” Xe gave Logan’s hand one last squeeze before turning and knocking erratically on the door. “He’s gonna love you.”

There was a quick and sudden tapping of feet behind the door before it swung open to reveal Roman. “Remus!” He said, double-checking xir bracelet colour–a vibrant green almost identical to Remus’s smoke colour, much to Logan’s surprise and Remus’s delight. “And–Logan? You're my brother’s soulmate?”

“Wait, you guys know each other? What the hell?”

“Yes,” Logan said, “We were project partners a couple of months ago. Roman must have moved, as I did not recognize his apartment. Wait–You were the cause of the green smoke!” He said incredulously, turning to Remus.

“I–Yes?” Remus asked. “Were you not aware of my smoke colour which only you can see?”

“No,” Logan replied, a little frustrated, “When I came over for the project, I saw a faint green smoke drifting around the kitchen and sitting room. I asked Roman whether anyone had been in the house in the past few hours, and he said no. I assumed it had been a mirage of some sort, but you were there!”

“You snuck into my apartment?” Roman said, faking outrage. “Why?”

“I wanted cookies!” Xe turned to Logan. “Ro-bro has the best chocolate chip cookie recipe! You need to have some.”

“Actually, I’m all out. You ate them all yesterday, remember?”

“You had a whole day! And this is Logan, My Soulmate, remember?” Remus said.

“I was helping Janus plan for his date? With Virgil? He’s gonna propose?”

“Oooh, yeah! How’d the planning go?” Remus bounced around the hall as he spoke, mind running a mile a minute. “Is he gonna fly a giant banner with Virgil’s face on it across the sky? Ooh, no what about fireworks that say ‘Marry me, Virgil,” except they look like blood splatters and shit! Or or or! What about painting a portrait of Virgil in fake, or real, blood and then on the back it says “Marry me!” Yes, I’m a genius!”

Roman just shook his head. “I’ll tell you inside, c’mon!”

And if years later Logan uses one or more of those exact suggestions to propose to Remus, no one said anything.

[justpeachii]

Pairing: Sugawara Koushi x Female Reader 

Summary: After getting bored with your love life, you download one of those silly dating apps. However, things don’t go as planned, leaving you crying in your best friends arms.

Genre: College AU (Juniors), angst, comfort, platonic, mutual pining but both are dumb, kind of a cliche ending but :’)

Warnings: profanity and that is all.

Word Count: 3.2 K

Author’s Note: hello! This is my first fic here on the good ole tumblr and i hope you enjoy it! This was very much (sadly) based off of real life events and really just something i wanted to write to get my feelings out. i do suggest listening to the little playlist below while reading because not only were they what i listened to while writing, but also what got me through it (along with some great friends). Also uh… i didn’t expect this to be this long hehe YIKES. Anyways, enjoy! (also i’m SORRY TENDO he got the short end of the stick 😭 i’ll make it up i swear)

also tagging the lovely @noya-sannnn​ !! who inspired me to write this!!

Playlist

blame game (acoustic) by mxmtoon

Grow As We Go by Ben Platt

dream of you (acoustic) by mxmtoon

did it to myself by orla gartland 

ready now by dodie 

Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray

Late nights were always the worst. Between the endless torrent of thoughts or the overwhelming amount of homework, sleep was a luxury you could hardly afford. Afterall, juggling not only 18 credit hours of classes, a part-time job, and work projects for your major was not the norm, but for you, it was. 

Not only was sleep something you often overlooked, but love was as well. That is until one night you decided to download one of those silly dating apps on one of those late nights. After choosing a few of your best selfies and creating a fun little bio, you got to swiping.

Left. Left. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Pause. Right.

It’s a Match!

After a moment of hesitation, you closed out of the message prompt, continuing to swipe and scroll before feeling the weight of sleep upon your eyelids. 

It had been two months since matching with Tendo Satori. Two months full of laughter, late nights at each other’s apartments, and confessions of love. Or at least what you thought was love. What started as a spark had grown to the size of a wildfire, burning inside your chest. A newfound love so strong it made your heart ascend to the highest of places.

However, what goes up must come down. 

While you would like to believe it was sudden, all the warning signs were there. Him growing distant, opening texts but not responding, cancelling plans last minute; the list goes on. The one thing that was sudden was the text you received before class.

Of course this would happen to you fifteen minutes before a two hour lecture. The last thing you would want to see: a paragraph of half-assed excuses followed up by “i just don’t think im ready for a relationship”.

You wanted to scream, throw your phone against the concrete, cause a scene, but you didn’t. As the tears began to flow, you scrolled on your phone for your most trusted friend, pressing on the call button next to their name. 

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Y/n? Don’t you have class soon? What’s going on?”

At this point, you were holding back sobs, voice coming out in a quiet whisper as you held the phone to your ear with a shaking hand.

“Suga… I have class in a few, but I- he-” you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words. What would you tell him after all? While you and Tendo had never put a label on it, it still felt like a break-up. 

“He? Y/n, are you okay?” There was a faint rustle on his end of the line, the sound of him putting his shoes on. “Can you take a few breaths for me? Take your time, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” 

Doing as he said, you took a few snot-filled breaths before managing to get the tears to stop falling. While you did so, you found a spot outside the lecture hall, sitting beneath a tree and leaning your head against its trunk, letting your eyes close. 

“He ended it. Tendo… He texted me saying all this stuff of how he was sorry for pushing me away and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.” You said in a firm voice. It was as if you were willing yourself to be strong for his sake, not wanting to worry him more than he was. 

There was a pause from Sugawara as he processed what you had just said. When he spoke, his tone was bitter, one you rarely heard.  

“That piece of shit. Over a text! He didn’t have the decency to call you or, hell, even set up a dinner or something!” He gave a sigh followed by a beat of silence. “I’m so sorry, Y/n… I know it is probably the dumbest question to ask, but are you okay?”

“Not really, but I have to be since I have class in,” you glanced at your watch, groaning, “six minutes. I don’t really want to go, I just want to go home, curl up in my blanket, and cry.”

While your heart was breaking over some boy you had known for a couple of months, Sugawara Koushi’s was breaking for you. Not only was he your closest friend since you transferred to the same university, he was also head-over-heels for you. When you mentioned to him the dates, he feigned happiness for your sake, supporting you through all of it. Now, hearing you in shambles on the other end of the phone made him want to run to you, pull you into an embrace, and give you the world.

Sadly, he couldn’t do what he wished. He knew your professor had a strict attendance policy, which meant that you would have to sit in class for two hours with a broken heart. Two hours for him to prepare as much of the world as he could. 

“I know this is one of the last things you want to hear right now, Y/n, but I know it will get better. If your professor didn’t have such a stick up his butt you would be able to skip without a problem.” As your friend spoke, the tears began to fall once more, your free hand coming up to swipe them away. 

“I know it won’t be for another two hours, but after your class, do you want to come over and we can have a movie night? We don’t have to talk about anything, just watch Tangled or Your Name.”

It took you a minute to find your voice once more, the ball of despair tight in your throat, leaving you to silently nod. Then you find your voice.

“I’d like that, Suga… I’d love it, in fact. I just… I don’t want to be alone tonight, but I also don’t want to bother you and I know-”

“You know you’re never a bother. Trust me, Y/n. After class, come over to my place. You can have my bed and I’ll take the couch.” His voice cut you off from finishing your thought, leaving your lips parted with an apology, a breath falling out in its place.

For the first time in the past nine minutes, you smiled. It wasn’t much, but Sugawara could hear it in your voice from the other side as you whispered, “Okay. Thank you, Suga. I love you, you know?” 

“I love you, too.” His own face was graced with a smile, though behind it he held all his emotions. How he wished to hear those words uttered in a non-platonic way. “Now get to class before you’re late! I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

While you were busy in class, both from note taking, group discussions, and trying your best to not break down any minute, Sugawara was busy in his own way. As soon as the phone call ended, he was out the door, making his way to the nearest convenience store, buying the essentials for healing a broken heart. Four pints of ice cream, a mix of his favorite flavors and yours, a couple bags of chips, some candy, and even a new stuffed teddy bear later, he was checking out, checking his phone constantly for the time, in case he had spent more time than he thought.

With his bags in hand, he made his way back to his apartment, getting everything set up for the movie night. While it wasn’t going to be a joyous occasion, he wanted it to have a happier atmosphere than what the topic of discussion would be. He placed the bags of chips and candy on the coffee table, the teddy bear placed between them; ice cream in the freezer for future consumption. Once the snacks were in place, he began to gather the softest blankets, grabbing your favorite along the way. 

Every time you would come over, no matter the temperature outside, he would find you curled up in it. One finals week while the two of you were cramming for an exam the next morning, he found you dozed off at the coffee table, the same fuzzy grey blanket wrapped around your shoulders. He even took a picture of you, asleep with your cheek in hand, other hand slack from writing notes that had since been abandoned. You still didn’t know about the picture to this day, but it was one he cherished. 

Time seemed to pass quickly as he finished getting everything together, not realizing the time until you knocked at his door. Answering it within seconds, he gave you a gentle smile, opening his arms for a hug he knew you desperately needed. That was all it took for the dam to break once more. As your arms wrapped around him, the tears fell in steady streams onto his t-shirt. 

His hands rubbed soothing circles on your back as he slowly shuffled backwards, pulling you two past the threshold, allowing him to close the door behind you. One hand rested on the back of your head, holding you close to his chest, the other in the middle of your back. The two of you stood there for what seemed like hours before you lifted your head, eyes red and puffy. Sugawara’s hand moved from the back of your head to hold your face, wiping away any remaining tears.

“Sorry for soaking your shirt.” you said with a small laugh, as you finally met his gaze. Warm, brown eyes full of nothing but comfort and safety met yours. There was a soft smile on his lips, while it was kind, it held a hint of sadness. 

“Don’t worry, I like my shirts soggy.” He said with a chuckle of his own. After making sure your face was dry of any tears, he nodded towards the living room. “Now come on, I have a little surprise for you!” 

After slipping your shoes off, you followed him into the living room, spotting the assortment of treats, along with the teddy bear. You swore you were done crying, but a few tears found their way out once more, but this time for a different reason. As you made your way to the coffee table, Sugawara disappeared to the kitchen, grabbing two pints of ice cream and spoons. When he reappeared, you were already curled up on the couch, blanket wrapped around your shoulders, bear in your lap, and a few tears rolling down your face.

“You really didn’t have to do all of this, Suga. A movie and talking would have been just fine,” you said as he sat down next to you handing off your chosen flavor and spoon. He scoffed at your remark, gesturing with his spoon.

“And just fine isn’t good enough! No one deserves to be broken up with through a text. Especially you, Y/n. Why, the next time I see him, he better watch his back.” He said, his glare pointed off to the side.

“There will be no fighting him, okay? Physical or verbally. What happened is… What happened. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming when I could have if I just looked.” You said, opening up the pint and taking a spoonful. With a small huff, he copied your motions, a beat of silence falling between the two of you. 

The lull in conversation lasted for a little while as neither knew what to say. You didn’t want to speak anymore on what had happened, but it was eating away at you. Sugawara could tell it was, so finally he spoke, clearing his throat before doing so.

“I’ll listen,” he said, his gaze meeting yours. The look you gave him was almost that of a puppy that had been scolded. Hurt. Sad. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen. You can tell me everything, okay?”

The two of you sat in silence for a minute more before he decided to put on a movie, filling the void. By the halfway point, the two of you had finished your pints, the cartons since abandoned on the coffee table. The other snacks are left untouched. Finally, you turn towards him and take a deep breath.

“I’m ready now.”

Those three words were all it took for him to pause the movie and shift to face you. For the next two hours, you spilled your emotions to him, both the highs and lows of the two month endeavor. At some point, he had pulled you into his arms and between his legs, his back against the arm of the couch with you on his chest. Your tears soaked his shirt once more as his hands ran up and down your back. Soon, you found yourself asleep in his embrace, exhausted from emotions.

Sugawara looked down at your finally peaceful face, cheeks stained from tears. Carefully, he placed a kiss on the crown of your head, closing his eyes as he silently prayed he would never see you like this again. 

After that night, you and Sugawara started to spend more time together. Not only for study nights, but weekly movie watch nights, daily lunch meet-ups, and impromptu ice cream runs. 

The three months leading up to finals left your old feelings to return, but somehow stronger. While you had gotten over Tendo rather quickly (and likewise with him. Not a week after your “break up” he was in a relationship with someone else) you didn’t want to admit your feelings for your best friend. At least that was the plan until a particularly late night study session that had you banging your head against a textbook that lay on the coffee table. 

“You know you can’t actually cram the information into your memory, right?” Sugawara said with a chuckle. You groaned in response, wadding up a piece of paper and throwing it at him. He batted it away swiftly, leaning on his elbows.

“I know that, but what I don’t know is how I’m expected to memorize all of these algorithms in order to pass!” You whined, giving up as you flopped onto your back, tugging the blanket that was around your shoulders closer. From his spot across the table, Sugawara continued to type away on his laptop, stifling a yawn. 

Laying there, you looked up at the ceiling, thinking back over the past few months. Your mind wandered back to that one terrible day and the lengths that Sugawara had gone through to make sure you were alright. It brought a smile to your face as you closed your eyes, giving a soft sigh. This caught the grey-haired boy’s attention, looking away from his work to see you with the dumbest grin on your face. He couldn’t help his own from pulling at his lips.

“What are you thinking about over there? Doesn’t seem like it’s math by the smile on your face.” 

“You.”

Caught off guard, he blinked a few times before responding. You, however, hadn’t realized what you had said just yet. While it wasn’t wrong, it was very bold.

“Me? What about me?” He asked, his curiosity overpowering his nerves for the time being.

“How you surprised me that one night. Ice cream, snacks, a teddy bear… Your smile, how much you always seem to make me laugh, you good of a hugger you are… How much I think I love you.” As you listed things off, you grew quieter and quieter, your voice a whisper by the end. 

Sugawara’s heart felt like it had just gotten done running sprints after losing a match back in high school. He felt his cheeks flush as he shifted to better look over the table at you. Never had you said you loved him outside of a friendly manner and here you were, on his living room floor confessing your love for him. 

“You think… You love me, Y/n?” The breath that he had been holding exhaled in a sigh afterwards, only to be replaced with another as he waited for you to respond. 

It was then that you realized what you had said. Immediately, you felt your cheeks flush as you sat up with wide eyes, abandoning the blanket on the floor. Looking like a deer in the headlights, you searched his face for a sign of anything. What you found were cheeks as red as your own, a hint of excitement behind his eyes, and a semi-confused look plastered on his face. You felt it was as good a time as any to get it off the table. Taking a deep breath, you nodded.

“I do, Suga. And I have since the first semester of sophomore year and I never told you because I didn’t think you felt the same way or that things would get a little awkward between the two of us. I tried to just push the feelings away or ignore them, hoping they would go away, but they didn’t and I was too dumb to say anything.”

In the silence that followed, you prepared yourself for the worst. However, the worst didn’t come. Instead, a small string of laughter fell from his lips as the corners of his eyes crinkled, a bright smile lighting up his face. 

“Then we are both dumb, Y/n! I did all of those things for you that night because not only are you my best friend, but I truly do love you. It hurt seeing you like that and I knew I couldn’t tell you how I felt because it wasn’t right.” 

Letting out a sigh of relief, you moved back to the coffee table, placing your elbows on it before laying your hands flat on the surface. Soon, his hands found yours, thumb brushing against the back of your hands. With a small laugh, you gave a small shrug.

With a breathy laugh, you responded, “Even so, why didn’t either of us say something sooner! Then we would have avoided all of that to begin with.” 

Sugawara just shook his head, giving your hands a tight squeeze. “True, but that was the past. Where we are now is where we were meant to be. Like I told you, it got better.”

“It did, and it was all because of you.” Turning your hands over in his, you gave them a gentle squeeze, to which he returned.

“I love you, Y/n”

“I love you, too, Suga.”

[volturialice]

Spork Haven chapter 23: salt fucking peter

welcome to spork haven, where I spork the EL James fic you’ve never heard of

previous chapter | next chapter | contents

previously on Spork Haven:

actor!Edward got an outlandish fucking award and became Best Actor!Edward! hotel maid murder witness cello prodigy orphaned ““cajun”” heiress!Bella was his date to the awards show! Ed looked into Emmett’s dark burning eyes and had a Moment! Bella felt dizzy and then went missing! will the Volturi mafia succeed in murdering her? let’s hope so stick around and find out!

warning: this chapter is incredibly long. please check the tags for content warnings—there are a lot! it’s eventful, though, so we’ll give it a pass. but settle in and make yourself comfortable. maybe go get a drink or something. I know I needed a drink after I read this garbage.

chapter 23 opens with Edward attempting to process the fact that Bella has disappeared. he does this in what I have to admit is a pretty seamless fusion of el james’s and stephenie meyer’s trademark styles (negative space here preserved for authenticity):

wow. eat your heart out, New Moon.

once we’ve experienced that bit of totally original typesetting magic, Edward leaps into action! 

just kidding. he’s “totally fucking immobilized.” paralyzed with fear, he “stifles a sob” and toys with whether to “wail, scream, and tear his hair out with impotence”

luckily, he’s very good at giving himself pep talks:

this bracing self-administered kick in the pants unfreezes him, allowing him to summon the mental faculties to go get Emmett.

Emmett clears the ladies’ room and calls for backup. He and Edward search the restroom and are joined by a rando Local security guard as they discover—gasp!—a secret second exit to the bathroom (shoutout to the phoenix airport womens’ room, amirite?) leading into a service tunnel.

the Local security guard informs them that the tunnel leads to an alley, but the alley’s only exit is onto Hollywood Boulevard. you know, the street currently clogged with limos, paparazzi, cameras, and fans. idk about y’all but I’m starting to think this kidnap attempt may have been just a tad poorly conceived. why kidnap her at all? they had ample time to kill her, dump her body in the service tunnel, and make their escape unencumbered.

as Ed, Emmett, and Local race down the service tunnel, Emmett radios for Jasper to go around and cut the Bad Guys off in the alley. Edward is the slowest of the bunch

so he quickly falls behind the other two.

he’s trying to catch up when—wait! what’s that on the ground? something...sparkly?

that’s right: he pauses in chasing after Bella and her kidnapper in order to notice “six thousand dollars’ worth of earring” lying on the ground.

then he stops and picks it up.

now, I know what you’re thinking, guys—is he seriously stopping to pick up a lost earring when Bella’s life is in danger?—but keep in mind, these earrings were twelve thousand dollars. also, Edward loves earrings! they make him horny! what else is he supposed to suck on at Bella’s funeral?

I mean, yeah, if your worst fear was that Bella might lose an earring.

what indeed, Edward. what indeed. 

imagine for a second that you’re Emmett in this fic. you’re a law enforcement professional racing to protect your charge’s life, bellowing into your walkie for backup, preparing to apprehend an armed and dangerous suspect in an area full of innocent civilians...when suddenly, from somewhere far behind you in the dingy gloom of the service tunnel, you hear the sniveling, British-accented voice of the bitchass manchild celebrity who’s tagging along:

“I’vE fOuNd hEr eArRiNg!”

jesus.

still ahead of Eddie boy, Emmett and Local burst out into the alley, guns drawn. Edward hears gunfire and is terrified for Bella as he finally catches up and arrives at the scene.

this is about where erika’s writing gets...incredibly confusing. and not in a POV, “we’re in the character’s head experiencing the chaos with him in real time” way. more like in a “several dozen drunk blind amputees playing Twister” way. this is my cute way of saying “it’s bad” and “I had to read it four times before it began to make sense.”

in the alley, all is chaos. a gun has just gone off

I’m sorry. salt...peter? saltpeter? did someone shoot off a Ye Olde Civil War Musket? I know fuckall about firearms and even I know they phased that shit out in the fucking 1880s.

and while we’re here, fun trivia fact about saltpeter: in Olden Times, people would ingest saltpeter in order to nuke their sex drives. silly Olden Times! if it’s a bonerkiller you’re after, all you have to do is read this fic!

ok, back to the alley. security are cordoning it off, keeping the “fucking jackal” paparazzi at bay (already?)

the LAPD are arriving (already??) 

but perhaps most interestingly,

real quick before we get into whose body it is, why we’re sexually objectifying it, and what it’s oozing, I just wanna draw your attention to the construction of that sentence. the artistry, if you will. below, I have replaced some of the nouns so that we may all appreciate the sheer poetry of the syntax:

“there’s a fucking meatball lying prone on the floor, all covered with cheese, a dark cloud oozing under the meatball.”

sitting a few feet away from the Skirt & Heels Body™ is Jasper, cradling the unconscious Bella. you could be forgiven for thinking that first body (you know, the oozing one) was Bella’s, because that’s what the narration wants you to think. the effect is somehow both enhanced and ruined by the fact that Bella’s actual body is mentioned in the next sentence. erika really tried to have her suspense cake and eat it too, with the result that by the time I finished reading this paragraph, I had absolutely no idea how many bodies there were or who they belonged to, which ones had on a skirt and heels, which ones were oozing, and where.

another excerpt I should probably share is the paragraph where we describe Edward reacting to this tragic pietà.

here’s our text, raw and unedited:

I can’t even begin to list all the ways this paragraph makes me uncomfortable, so I won’t attempt to.

anyway. remember how in the last chapter, there was an incredibly gay bit where Edward looked into Emmett’s dark, burning eyes? fasten your seatbelts because we’re about to blow that bit out of the water.

ｌｕｍｉｎｏｕｓ ｈａｚｅｌ ｅｙｅｓ

filled with

𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝑒𝓂𝑜𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃'𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑒

the next sentence tries to take us back into heterosexual territory with

are we meant to understand that Jasper’s luminous hazel eyes are saying “don’t you just wish it was you getting to cradle Bella’s unconscious, injured body?” yes, that is exactly what we’re meant to understand. this attitude continues as Bella is loaded into an ambulance. at first, Jasper tries to stop Edward from coming, then the paramedic says they can both come but only if they sit on opposite sides of the ambulance like kindergarteners in Time Out.

l o n g i n g l y

the paramedics also checked the other body (you know, the oozing skirt and heels body) and Edward made a startling observation:

though oozing, the mystery person is still alive, and a second ambulance hauls off

and here I was thinking all this story needed to make it complete was some veiled transphobia! what a fun new direction for erika.

once at the hospital, Ed is banished to the waiting room with Emmett, Jasper, and Taylor. the doctors won’t let him see Bella, even when he tells them he’s her fiancé.

hmm. is it just me or is there a movie about this exact scenario?

yep, there are at least two movies about this exact scenario.

after the “fiancé” thing, Edward picks up on some bad vibes from Jasper

interesting. can you feel MY animosity hit you like a brick fucking wall? I guess it’s more of a brick fucking skyscraper at this point.

things we learn at the hospital:

Bella was roofied! so if you voted “poisoned” in the poll, I’m gonna give you this one. congrats on your victory.

Bella is fine now

Jasper shot the mysterious kidnapper in the chest. 

that’s right, Jasper is the cause of all the oozing. well done, Jasper. good luminous hazel eye.

finally, Bella wakes up and asks to see Edward. He goes back to see her 

and

she

dumps his ass.

not for any Sane People reasons, of course. having decided she’s “too dangerous to be around,” she breaks up with him in a scene straight out of New Moon, complete with “eyes full of tortured pain” and dialogue like

“You are too precious to me. Please. Go.”

Edward spends the whole scene in panicked denial, to the point where he’s practically gaslighting Bella, telling her she’s just been through a traumatic ordeal and she can’t possibly mean what she’s saying. 

then he interrupts her mid-breakup 

to fucking propose.

🤣🤣🤣 READ THE ROOM, BUDDY. Bella is resolute for the first time in her doormat life, turns down the proposal, and firmly breaks things off with Edward. he returns her earring (you remember, the six thousand dollar earring we paused in the middle of the climactic chase scene to pick up), “inhales her fragrant hair for the last time,” and leaves.

and with that, the chapter is FINALLY over.

possibility.mp3

best “fucks”

“level fucking head”

“a fucking microsecond”

“fucking sirens”

“loud fucking noises”

“enough fucking damage”

“a soothing fucking balm”

“fucking Hale”

“fucking purgatory” (the hospital waiting room)

“pale as fuck” (bella)

“fucking lifeless” (bella)

“non-believing fucking arse” (edward)

“like a fucking idiot” (edward)

best “shits”

next chapter: fucking blinds and curtains

[mozartwasajungkookstan]

An Analysis of @markswoman’s ‘Touch’ - The art of blameless tragedy

Spoilers ahead for ‘Touch’ by @markswoman (the first couple paragraphs are just a explanation into why angst exists and the problems with it but you should still read ‘Touch’ all the same)

In order for any piece of fiction to be entertaining, something has to go wrong. Conflict between characters, tragic accidents, misunderstandings, anything where characters are forced into unpleasant situations will do. Writers are sometimes reluctant to write unenjoyable events for characters that they’ve grown attached to, but without them their work simply won’t be interesting. Why is that?

It’s not because audiences enjoy fictional suffering - quite the opposite really. Many people read things with the knowledge that it will probably make them cry, only stopping because their tears are damaging the pages source: me reading the last Harry Potter book. Miss you, Dobby. Our curiosity really gets the better of us despite all the negative emotions we feel because we want to see things get better for our beloved characters, so we read on.

So writers decide to throw in this thing called “angst”. Shake things up a bit. Pull in the audience. Throw the characters of their rhythm. Character A thinks Character B has feelings for Character C, so Character A becomes distant. However, Character B actually has feelings for Character A and is hurt and confused that Character A cold and distant now. This is a common trope that when done right provides a satisfying moment when the characters finally get together. However, when done not-so-right, there can be many problems, with the main one being the audience constantly screaming at the screen/book saying “Jesus Christ just communicate like normal people!”. The writer is trying to create conflict so the story is interesting, but the way that it develops is too unrealistic - the audience has already thought of 5 different solutions to the “problem”, so watching the characters struggle can become irritating. It’s as if the whole “he’s behind you!” thing that they do in theatres was the entire show. Just 2 whole hours of “Where is he?” and getting an increasingly angry audience to shout “Right behind you!”. Not fun.

The solution seems pretty simple: don’t create angst from misunderstandings that can be cleared up in a single conversation... Easier said than done. Using car accidents and terminal illness is almost cliché and conflict between characters is difficult to create. Hell, even Shakespeare had a difficult time solving this because the characters in pretty much any of his plays could have just talked to each other to solve their problems (he found a little loophole because he made ‘Much ado About Nothing’ so frustrating it turned into commentary on society on how many problems could be solved by talking it out instead of acting impulsively). But a way I found was to have no characters at fault, so the audience sympathises with them. That’s where ‘Touch’ comes in.

FINALLY. I’ve gotten to the main subject at hand: a god tier fic. Now, you might be wondering why I just spent a few paragraphs babbling on about plot devices and common problems people have with them. But it’s important; it wasn’t just an excuse to complain, I swear. Markswoman does an incredible job of handling conflict and angst in ‘Touch’ - in all their work, in fact. But ‘Touch’ in particular deals with a source of angst that is normally irritating: miscommunication and a misunderstanding between characters. But this time one is mad at Jaemin or the main character for it.

Markswoman does this by showing the reader that this miscommunication can’t be solved by a simple conversation. Jaemin’s thought process right before the main character touches him for the first time makes it clear that Jaemin has so many doubts about telling our character about his seemingly cursed hands that a simple conversation that normally would’ve solved any problems is now a risky move on Jaemin’s part and we understand why he’s so reluctant to reveal anything. It also makes us sympathise with the poor guy. Is this the first time he’s had these thoughts? Our character isn’t at fault either. Logic and reasoning would’ve never brought her to the conclusion that Jaemin is basically modern day King Midas, so her reaching out to him is perfectly understandable. The idea that neither character is to blame makes the ending so much more tragic because there’s none of what I’ve coined as “The Friar Lawrence Feeling” - Friar Lawrence being the only character in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ who could’ve saved everyone by sitting them down and having a little chat. The characters in ‘Touch’ couldn’t have been saved by a little chat, so the Friar Lawrence Feeling isn’t there and all that is left is undiluted sorrow. The reader knows that the characters took what would have normally been rational and more importantly, the correct decisions. Jaemin tried his best to protect the girl he loved and the girl he loved tried her best to help and understand him, but it still ended in Jaemin’s ‘murder’ streak going back down to 0 days. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than doing everything you can for the one you love but it all being futile in the end anyways.

But of course, ‘Touch’ is so much more than just a fic that isn’t irritating. It’s so much better than “not bad”. For one, it really gets the audience on Jaemin’s side (although Jaemin’s adorable personality in real life definitely helps). At the beginning, the descriptions of the unlucky people that Jaemin accidently touches almost have a sense of innocence, as if it’s from child Jaemin’s perspective because he doesn’t quite understand what’s happening. The focus is on something else - the teacher’s smile, the chocolate bars and daisy chains - and the narration almost sounds hopefuI, like when the narrator suggests that “maybe she’s making more daisy chains”. The idea that he’s the one unintentionally causing these deaths doesn’t cross his mind at his point, so he doesn’t focus on it too much. He’s still hopeful and naive, but as a reader, we already know what’s happening and the fact that it starts off with Jaemin being young and oblivious makes us feel terrible for him because he’s just a child. We just want to give this poor boy a hug and tell him it’s gonna be alright. But we can’t. Mainly because we’d be lying and also because... well...

What this shows is Jaemin’s childhood being tainted by this ability. Moments of joy in a normal life have been ruined. Making friends as a young child, celebrating with people he loves and his first love now all have bad connotations with Jaemin and when he finally realises why, it’s particularly heartbreaking. He’s absolutely disgusted with himself, to the point of being physically sick, despite the fact that he didn’t even know about his strange ability himself. This, coupled with the language choices - his hands are “bloodstained” and he sees it as “murder” - makes it clear how disgusted Jaemin is. He views himself as a murderer even though he has so little control over these deaths. It’s not really his fault but he has no one else to blame.

Then he meets our character. The chemistry between the 2 is there almost instantly but with the knowledge of Jaemin’s past, you can’t help but feeling a sense of impending doom. For good reason as well, because unfortunately, you’d be right. He tries to be cautious, he really does, but our character gets too close. He wonders what would happen if he just told you and he asks himself rhetorical questions that have answers he doesn’t have or necessarily want. He’s torn between telling you and keeping a safe distance from you. For good reason as well, because he desperately wants for there to be an exception to this rule and for there to be a happy ending. We do too and some of Jaemin’s thoughts have a tinge of hope to them, but the sentence “he’s so scared” after it’s too late to go back fill us with fear too. For good reason as well, because unfortunately, there is no happy ending.

But who’s to blame? No one, that’s who. For such an unhappy ending, there is no villain. No one rubbing their hands together nefariously in the background, no one plotting the downfall of the pair, no one to truly blame for the tragic ending and Jaemin’s aftermath. Except for the writer, I suppose.

‘Touch’ is many things, but a happy, feel-good fic is definitely not one of them. I love it for that. “All’s well ends well” is a perfect description for it. Nothing is well from the very beginning, so it makes perfect sense for it to not end well. I suppose I got what I was expecting, but goddamn, I’ve never wanted to be wrong more in my life. Thanks for destroying my heart.

10 leather gloves out of 10 (go read ‘Touch’. Your heart WILL be in pieces by the ending, but you won’t regret it.)

- [redacted]

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2020

#94 - The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs: A New History of Their Lost World, by Steve Brusatte

Mount TBR: 86/150

Rating: 1/5 stars

[this is a long one, folks, buckle up]

The book fell down for me on several fronts. DNF @ page 99, and once I outline my growing qualms with the presentation throughout the first chapters, I'll share the quote that made me set the book down for good.

Issue #1: The author is quietly sexist in a way I'm sure many people wouldn't notice, but I did. I read an article several years ago concerning the troubling tendency of Western journalism to infantilize women by referring to them only by their first names, while men in similar circumstances would be referred to by their last names. It's not by any means universal; the current round of think pieces on the most recent J.K. Rowling debacle aren't calling her "Joanne," for example. But it does happen, and since becoming aware of it, I've seen it crop up in many places. In fact, a well-liked review on Goodreads of a book I recently read does it, referring to the female author repeatedly by her first name, despite being positive and respectful in most other ways. (Yes, the reviewer is male.)

In Dinosaurs, Brusatte name drops many, many colleagues, mentors, and well-regarded pillars of paleontology and geology. All of them are introduced by full names, but the men (with one exception) are thereafter referred to by last name, while the comparatively few women are referred to by first name only. The particular instance that brought this home to me was the "skilled geologist Jessica Whiteside," whom Brusatte takes great pains to laud as brilliant, amazing, and so forth, to the point where it seemed he heaped praise on her in an effort to not sound sexist. But then she was "Jessica" for the rest of the section about her, while a man in the same position would have been "Whiteside," like most of the other men referred to so far in this work. (The lone exception was person who entered the narrative as a teenager and was referred to by his first name presumably because of his youth, which carried over even after the tale was describing his adult work. There was another similar anecdote later in the book of a scientist who got started young but did not receive the same lack of respect re: naming conventions; I have no sure explanation for that, and I realize it weakens my argument slightly. If I had kept reading, maybe I would have found other women who were not treated in this manner, but that's not good enough reason for me to keep reading, nor to stop me from calling this out.)

To some this might seem like extreme nitpicking, but it left a foul taste in my mouth.

Issue #2: This book can't decide what it wants to be. There's science in it, sure, like the title says--I have read things about the rise of the dinosaurs, and I've stopped long before I get to their fall, but I'm sure it happens. And what science there has been so far has been interesting. I had a dinosaur phase as a kid, I was obsessed, I memorized names and average sizes and diets and whatever other facts I could get my hands on. Eventually I grew out of it--at least in the sense that I moved on to other fascinations--but I'm not not interested in dinosaurs as an adult, and the early part of this book promised me a paradigm shift, because I've been out of touch with the facts about them for thirty years. Thirty years can do a lot to change a scientific field. I was intrigued.

So why am I spending so much time reading about the boys' club of field researchers? Why is the author trying to hard to seem cool? Why do I care who you have beers with and what type of pub you're in? Why is so much of these first 99 pages about what chill guys you all are? I suppose that little peeks of the behind-the-scenes of field research could be fun if used sparingly, or even just to make me appreciate what hard work it can be to make these discoveries, but the tone I got from this was that the author desperately wants to prove he's not a nerd, despite, you know, being a paleontologist and writing a book about dinosaurs. I'm not here for this ego stroking, I wanted to read about the world blowing up and how the dinosaurs dealt with it, until they couldn't anymore. (There has been some of that, lava and continents tearing and noxious gases. That's been fun.)

Issue #3: The quote that killed my patience with this book completely. For context, we've reached the part of the tale when Pangea splits and the resulting cataclysm precipitates another extinction event, toppling the ecosystem of the late Triassic period and starting the Jurassic, when dinosaurs flourished while many of their previously strong competitors died out.

After stating that the mystery of why the dinosaurs thrived while other groups went extinct "quite literally has kept me up at night" and going on to spend a full paragraph asking hypothetical questions about what might have caused it, he drops this bomb:

Maybe dinosaurs were just lucky. Perhaps the normal rules of evolution are ripped up when such a sudden, devastating, global catastrophe happens.

No. Hard no. The author's personal failure to know what it was about the dinosaurs that spurred their survival does not equal "maybe evolution is meaningless." No one else knows the answer yet either, and maybe we never will, but an absence of evidence does not mean we chuck our understanding of a fundamental principle of biology--I'm only going to question the validity of evolutionary theory if someone can present me credible evidence that some other system is responsible for producing the hundreds of years of observations that currently support evolution. There is a reason, or reasons, the dinosaurs were successful when other creatures were not, even if we will never pinpoint what those reasons were.

If Brusatte is joking or being hyperbolic with this statement for effect, I think poorly of him for bringing "luck" into a book about science and expecting me not to narrow my eyes at it. If he's being serious, then I can't take this work seriously, end of story.

[binnie-binnie-bambam]

where I’ve been...?

hey. I feel like I owe y’all an explanation as to where I’ve been for the last 3 months. but imma put it the whole big detailed story under the cut just in case y’all don’t care haha and coz I don’t wanna clog up people’s feed with my incessant rambling.

TL;DR: I’ve been through 3 months of mental hell and that took a big toll on everything, including my love of a lot of things, so I’ve been struggling but I’m gonna try to be on here more and I’m sorry for being away for so long and not saying anything about it. Thank you to everyone who has tagged me in things and sent me messages during this time, I have seen it, I promise, even if I haven’t been in the right headspace to respond, you have made this time even just a bit more bearable, and for that I thank you greatly.

so yeah, things have been rough to say the least. I want to explain what’s been going on because I’ve always been pretty open on here and I know a lot of other people struggle with the same things so I don’t feel so alone. basically, I’ve fallen into another awful depression. I’ve lost my passion and drive and desire, I’ve lost the ability to find joy in things, I have no interest in hardly anything at all, I’m just not...me...right now.

I mean, my whole summer was crazy busy because I was spending almost all of my time doing wedding prep for my best friend/cousin’s wedding so I really didn’t have much time for myself and if I did, I was too exhausted to do anything I wanted to do. that’s when my partial inactivity started. I also started to see a new psychiatrist over the summer and he started me on new meds around August. since August, over a span of ~5 months, I’ve been on and off 6+ new meds, being treated for severe anxiety, panic attacks that resurfaced after being free of them for over 4 years, severe depression, ADHD, and trying different things to see if I had bipolar, as well as having a heart condition, thyroid issues, and fibromyalgia all going haywire.

I was pretty much ok through September, aside from some not so fun side effects that got me on and off 3 new meds in that month alone. like my mood and motivation and everything was fine, we had the engagement party and bachelorette party at the beginning of the month, I got to spend a bunch of time with the guy I have a (stupid) crush on, I was busy, things were going pretty great, honestly. but October rolled around. the first half wasn’t so bad, we had a girls’ trip for a weekend sort of as a last hoorah before my best friend got hitched and that was a lot of fun and I’m super thankful I was able to go, especially since I originally thought I wasn’t going to be able to make it due to family circumstances.

and wedding prep continued on, until I was driving over to my aunt’s house for the last day of prep and things started to hit me. my aunt and I got really close this past year and this was the last time I was spending with her for a long time, like sure we see each other once in a while but I was going over there and going shopping with her and doing all sorts of stuff multiple times a week and I think I just got scared of the idea that I was facing a new normal all over again when my normal had already changed so drastically at the beginning of last year. and also the fact that my best friend was getting married and moving an hour away when she used to be 10 minutes away and I saw her all the time. like we had the rehearsal dinner the Sunday before the wedding and my oldest cousin made this speech (because she knew she’d be sobbing too much to actually make it at the wedding) and she talked about us three girls as kids growing up and all this stuff about my best friend and how perfect her fiance was for her and it was just all really sobering I guess?

and I spent a lot of nights that week writing and rewriting a letter to the couple and I definitely spent most of that time sobbing over everything and sometime that week my mood just plummeted. my dad got /really/ concerned because the change in me was /so/ drastic but there wasn’t much we could do with only a few days until the wedding so we just hoped for the best and waited till my appointment with my psychiatrist to figure out the next step. I ended up getting a migraine at the wedding (I know it was from stress and from being so upset) so I couldn’t have a good time like I wanted to and I knew I’d regret it and I definitely regret it but I can’t change anything now. I got to hug the bride and groom goodbye just as they were leaving and I’ve never struggled so hard trying not to cry, which I mean, my best friend was sooo close to becoming a sobbing mess hugging me too, and the groom, well he was a blubbering mess (he’s a very emotional dude, all three of us have sobbed watching movies together, we’re a sight lmao) so I didn’t feel too strange haha. but it was a really weird feeling and it was really hard to sleep at the hotel that night. we drove home in the rain the next morning and did absolutely nothing the entire day.

then the news hit about Woojin and I spent my Monday night quite literally sobbing myself to sleep. at that time, I was still pretty new to skz but it still hurt like hell and I know my depression warped the emotions out of proportion but it was still so incredibly painful. but nothing could prepare me for the news about Wonho. nothing. I was already so deep into my depression and that just, I still don’t even have words. something hasn’t hit me that hard in I don’t even know how long. I couldn’t even cry, it took me over 2 months to cry about it because it just hurt too much. I still can’t listen to any of their music, I can’t even see photos of them without bursting into tears, and I’m ashamed at myself for being so attached to something that I react this badly, but even more so, I’m upset with myself that I can’t support them when they need it most because it causes me so much physical and emotional pain I just can’t deal with it. I’m not giving up on them, god no, I know it probably sounds like I am, but I swear I’m not. I love them way too much for that. it’s not even possible to describe how much mx and Wonho mean to me, I’m not giving up on them, I’m just handling things in my own way at my own pace, I guess.

from then on, things just spiraled out of control. on and off more meds, more and more problems arose, I really felt like I could not keep my head above water. and on top of it, I had the 7th anniversary of my grandma’s death in early November and the 10th anniversary of my grandfather’s death in early December and to say the least, that did not have the best effect on my mental health. it’s been 3 months of pretty much hell. I genuinely have /no/ interest in things I used to do, none of my hobbies, everything, and I mean everything, is a chore. it’s still like this. but I’m trying to do more to fix it. I’m seeing my doctor next week and I just spent 6 weeks getting another med out of my system so hopefully when I see him, he’ll try something new and we’ll actually make progress instead of taking 2 steps forward and 8 steps back. I haven’t lost hope yet.

there’s been many, many times in these past few months where I’ve felt like I’ve already hit rock bottom and I’m just waiting for the final blow to finish me off. but, if I’m being completely honest, what’s kept me going has been my really close friends on here that have stuck with me this whole time and my love for kpop which thankfully, god thank you, hasn’t diminished whatsoever despite everything. I can confidently say, I wouldn’t still be here without my friends, you know who you are my loves. y’all keep my world turning and no matter how painful it can get sometimes, I wouldn’t have made it this far, I wouldn’t want to keep going, I wouldn’t owe my life to you guys, so thank you, more than words can express. I love you all to the moon and back. and then some.

so this has just been paragraphs upon paragraphs of me rambling so I really don’t know why you would’ve stayed and read the whole damn thing, but if you did, thank you, I feel a lot better getting things off my chest. and this isn’t to say I’m back completely, I can’t guarantee how active I’ll actually be, but I’ll do my best to spend some more time on here because I genuinely do miss this place and all the amazing people in it. I’m so sorry I’ve been gone so long, especially without any real explanation. I’m going to do my best to rediscover my love for things, I may have lost it for a time, but it’s not gone completely.

~

until next time, this has been “aly won’t shut up”. thank you and goodnight, I love y’all

[ladylynse]

I don't know why, but I often feel like I'm not writing enough and it stresses me out

Hey, Anon. You’re not alone, and your brain is lying to you when it says you should be writing more, at least if it’s fanfic and not something you’re being paid to do. I know that doesn’t help much, but it’s the truth. Everyone writes at a different pace, and how fast you write will change depending on what’s going on in your life, not just how excited you are for your own story or how well you know where it’s going. 

I also look back at the fics I haven’t updated in half a year, the collab I haven’t touched in years months, the sequels that never came to fruition, the ideas I want to write but still sit unwritten or languish partly finished, even the three sentence fic requests that sometimes sit in my inbox for days or weeks, and feel like I’m not writing enough. Like I’m disappointing other people. Because I’m not fast enough, or that if it is fast-ish, because it’s not good enough, or because it just doesn’t meet their expectations (or I don’t think it’ll meet people’s expectations). And sometimes I let that get to me, and I just get worse. It gets harder to write, the words just aren’t there or don’t fit, or the scene doesn’t work or the characters are too OOC or the plot idea sounds much worse than it first did, and I typically remember every bad review I’ve ever gotten and start to think they’re right–even when the good reviews outweigh the bad.

Don’t get me wrong. Positive feedback is a wonderful thing. But as much as having other people express excitement/joy/tears/anticipation over whatever you’ve written or are writing helps immensely, that won’t give you more time to write, or make you mentally refreshed enough to be able to plan/think/write coherent sentences (let alone edit them), or give you the energy to even contemplate writing if you’re exhausted. 

And–especially if you are talking fanfic–every person who just demands an update and doesn’t say anything else about your work seems to add to the burden. And that burden makes it harder to even start when you do have time and technically could be writing. Because there are expectations, and now there’s also guilt, and when you’re forcing yourself to write, you hate every word put down, and you call yourself a bad writer. A bad person, maybe, if you’re prone to extrapolation and your brain has a tendency to believe the lies you tell yourself when they serve to wear you down.

But you’re not a bad person, and you’re not a bad writer.

You just need a break.

If you’re trying to write because you think you have to, not because you want to, then you need to stop for a while. You need to allow yourself time to recharge. Because if you’re not having fun, if it’s too much like work and you’re just failing each self-imposed deadline and beating yourself up over it, you’re only making things harder for yourself. And if you ever hit a point where you feel like you’re just churning out fic after fic or chapter after chapter and you’re burning out and no one (or very few) seems to appreciate it, instead just demanding more? You need to take a step back. You’re not a machine. You shouldn’t treat yourself like one or let other people treat you like one.

Writing fanfics should be a hobby, something you enjoy. It shouldn’t be something that causes you stress, and when it is, you need to take it out of your life for a bit. That probably sounds counter-intuitive when the stress is over not writing enough, but in reality you’re probably stretching yourself too thin and placing unrealistic expectations on yourself, and you need to take a step back in order to see that.

If you don’t have any idea how much of a break you need but you suspect it’s not a short one, throw up a note in your profile and/or in the summary of your WIPs to let people know you’re going on hiatus for a bit. The vast majority of people will understand, and you owe nothing to the few who don’t. (You owe nothing to anyone, really, because you’re doing this for free, but a note is nice for the rest of the people so they don’t wonder if something terrible happened to you.) You aren’t a lesser person or a lesser writer for taking a break you need. It’s more important that you take care of yourself first. And it helps, or at least it’s helped me in the past.

And when you do get back to writing? If you get back to writing? Try to fight the temptation to compare yourself to others, especially in terms of update speed. Some people write their entire fic before they post it. Some people plan their entire fic before they write it. Other people happen to have a lot of time on their hands. Others don’t have a lot of time but choose to spend most of what they do have writing. Everyone’s different. You need to figure out what works for you. If you find you work better with a set update schedule because you’re better when you have a deadline, great. But if you’re late, try not to feel too guilty. Life happens–even if it’s in terms of a wonderful distraction from writing as opposed to being super busy with important stuff. If you’re better off writing a few chapters before you ever post one, and you always try to keep ahead of yourself as you’re writing so you have a buffer for posting when you don’t have time/don’t feel like writing, that works, too. If it’s completely sporadic, everywhere from multiple updates in a week to months of radio silence? That doesn’t make you a terrible writer. Anyone who likes your story enough will wait for you. (A couple of stories I’d reviewed and followed back in 2012 were updated and completed last November after six years of no activity from the writer whatsoever. It was wonderful. I hadn’t thought they’d ever get finished, and I’d been resigned to that fact but happy to get as much of the story as I did, so I was absolutely delighted when they were finished and made a point of telling the author as much.) 

And me, personally? I’m a lot slower than I used to be. I used to be able to churn out about a 4 K chapter a week. Now I can’t, and I feel bad about that. (I feel very bad when I think about those months-between-updates fics.) But my life circumstances have changed–I really don’t have as much time as I used to and sometimes I find it a lot harder to write than I used to (emotionally, I mean)–and I’ve changed as a writer. I try to give myself credit for the fact that I keep going, but sometimes that still doesn’t feel like enough. And that’s when I need to remind myself that I’m not who I used to be, and I’m not that person whose fic I’m following who faithfully updates every Saturday, and that I’m doing this because I love writing, not because I owe people updates. 

You’re you, Anon, not anyone else, in your own unique circumstances, and you don’t owe people updates, either. And you certainly don’t deserve to be causing yourself additional stress over not being able to write enough. There is no enough, no magic word threshold that you should be reaching in a certain period of time (not when you’re doing this for free, anyway). Enough is as much as you feel you can do, however much that is and however much that changes from week to week, month to month, and year to year. Enough is as much as makes you happy or makes you feel that you’ve achieved something. (Sometimes, I’m prouder of a single sentence (or, let’s face it, half a sentence) than three paragraphs or three pages, even if they all took the same amount of time.) Enough is not stress and guilt and desperation and self-hatred; enough is enjoyment.

[1358456]

Review Response, May 5-11, 2019

Heart got updated in this week, and... got very, very little to show for it. Instead, got some... fossils getting some reviews. Hehe...

And since I wasn’t home yesterday, I guess I’ll include the one review that I got at 5 am today.

Cycle #001

1) Tho lemme just say one more thing. In reality, Gold is a dick. And I think it's great that Crystal is trying to help him out on that aspect. I forgot to mention that in my last review. I mean, the things he does and says, but I also think it's innocent in a way. Almost like he just doesn't know better. Now I could just be romanticizing it, but I think Gold just needs to learn about how to treat other people, and especially WHY. Once he understands why, that'll be when he starts to learn how treat his friends and such. Besides that, ye Gold is an asshole. And I still don't know why I defend him, or why I think he's still a great guy.

Hm. This order is a bit messed since you dropped the review for the second chapter first, but... ehn. Anyways.

I wouldn’t say that Gold is a total dick. He at least pretends to be, but not even that deep down, he’s generally a good guy. Just doesn’t want anyone else to think that he’s a good guy. That said, he’s still a very BAD influence to the younger kids, which is what Crystal doesn’t like. So Gold just needs to learn to be a better example for the juniors. So I guess Gold is more of a jerk than a complete dick? Hmm...

Cycle #002

1) God Nicole! I know you said you have sweet stories, but for some reason I keep picking the ones that aren't. Ah well, maybe next time. Anyway, on to my thoughts on the chapter. This was very good! I can't tell you how many times I've read a fan fiction with a horrible plot, the characters with the wrong personality, or just really bad grammar. It feel really nice not to experience any of those. So really, thank you for this. Personally, I know how difficult it is to write something good, and be able to post it online. So congrats to you! Anyway, I felt that I understood both sides (that is Crystal's and Gold's POV on things), I was cheering fro Gold, but I was also agreeing with Crystal for trying to teach Gold a lesson. Though to be honest, I'm not so sure that Crystal should have been trying to change Gold so much, I mean, it's good to help him better himself. And that's what I liked, she gave him the opportunity to improve, she didn't force it on him (only encouraging him to do it with the promise of a date). But, nonetheless, Gold is Gold. If she can't love him for him, then maybe she's right in thinking that she'll never fall in love with him, which would make the whole baiting him with a date actually really cruel in a sense. But, I feel that this is Crystal's mistake, not yours. You wrote the story in a way, where this can't be seen as a pothole of yours, it actually goes with the story very nicely. So again, you did nothing wrong, Crystal did. Tho in reality this is just my opinion, you're free to think whatever you want. Anyways, keep up the good work! I'll make sure to post another review soon! (sorry for the long ass review tho kek)

I have plenty of sweet stories! You’re... looking in the wrong place? Hehe. Yes indeed, there are a lot of horrendous stories out there. I try not to add to the pile.

The important thing to note in this story is that Crystal does NOT and is not trying to love Gold. Her line of reasoning basically goes as: “I know he likes me, but I don’t like him. But if I can use him liking me to try to steer him into being a GOOD guy and not such a jerk all the time, then this is a great opportunity.” It’s something that has a decent probability of occurring, given Gold and Crystal’s personalities and preferences.

Heart #004

1) Y and white’s interactions with each other in this chapter were so good. Keep up the good work!

Thanks! Yay for friendly banter and interactions between multiple generations of Dex Holders!

... And that’s it for Heart, huh? Hm.

SC #001

1) Wow. I really don't know what to say. But I feel like I will continue to ponder this even when I'm supposed to be sleeping. A part of me hopes that the real Blue doesn't feel like this, but of course she would. Anyone would in her position. Oh, really Nicole, my heart ached for Blue in this one. I could feel her pain even though I don't exactly know what she's going through. The first thing that hit me in this chapter was when she says. "I got too attached." or something or other. This line was before the paragraph where she explained that she should have listened to Pryce. But even then, I knew. This girl was so influenced by Pryce when she was younger, she thought she had escaped him, but his teachings till live on in her. At least the small ones. The ones that slowly creep up, and once you notice they're there, it's too late to get rid of them. Yep, that was the line where I knew that Blue was completely and utterly broken. I mean, you get that sort of idea earlier, obviously, it's not hard to tell. But before there was a glimmer of hope, a little nit of light. That line completely destroyed that little ray, and really plunged the entire thing into an "Utter Darkness". (See what I did there?) Anyways, your writing was wonderful as usual. You really know how to play with emotions, and you also have a way with people almost empathizing with the characters (I say almost because obviously we've never experienced that, or at least I haven't). I would say more, but I've already said so much in this review. Thank yoouuuuuuuu, so very mucccchhhhhhh!

Given Blue’s past, this is a very likely scenario to occur if she is denied the warmth and care that she would need deep inside. Yes, Blue’s heartbreaking situation... during the time I tried to pair her up with Green even though neither are really compatible with each other... That sure explains why all that happened in Destiny! Poor girl, huh? :(

Thanks so much for the long review!! <3

SC #006

1) I can't even. This was amazing, what Black did was sorta cruel, but that's exactly the kinds thing you do to your best friends. But seriously, I'm tearing up here (not really, but let me be dramatic). This was short, but it was short and sweet, and sometimes that's the best thing that someone can offer. As usual, your grammar is on point. I realize that while reading your stories, my view sort of narrows (something I have trouble doing even with some novels), and I'm focused only on the story. It's a great feeling actually, being totally engaged and unaware of your surroundings. Haven't felt that in a long time, so thank you again! You're the best.

Hehe. Best friends trick friends into playing a horror game! Hehe. White was the most obvious victim for such a thing, which automatically meant that Black had to be the one to do it. And it works out! Hehe...

Thank you sooo much!

SC #009

1) Oooooooooh, Nicole I really enjoyed this one! This was with no romance, just simple and pure fun! Ugh, I live for these kids of fics. You, dear, are amazing. Your writing is engaging, and I honestly felt bad when each person "died". The end was also perfect, I had completely forgotten about Crystal, and you took advantage of that. I applaud you, and thank you very much.

Yep! Purely for fun game of paintball survival! Purely friendly no-doom, no-heartache, no-romance, no-holds-barred game for pride and not losing money! Ehehe... thank you!

Indeed. Crystal went forgotten just so she could end a stalemate and so that her seniors don’t lose their pride.

DE #027

1) Guh. It was adorable, from Diamond's sincerity to Platinum's hesitance. And they kissed at the end! Who knew you were capable of sweet stories. (Maybe it's time for an oldrival sweet one eh) I'm just kidding. I won't ask that outright of you 'cause I know it's hard work, but just letting you know, that f you do decide to make one. You know the person to send it to ;). In any case, I'm going to go read some of your other stuff (with reviews at the end of course!). But before I do that, lemme just say. That everything I've said in other reviews about your writing applies to this one, I just won't repeat it because after a while things can get tiresome. It's just! When Diamond asked Platinum if he was making her uncomfortable, I was like, "*squeal* He's so kind!". I kid you not, I want to squeal even now, but if I did my mother would look at me weirdly. Anyways, until next time!

Hey, I write a lot of sweet things and certainly capable of it!! Hehe. And... heh, that pairing is not going to happen anymore, so... sorry :(.

Anyways. Diamond is such a sweet boy. And he does (should) understand emotions better, so he’d know that Platinum would feel uncomfortable before she realizes it. And since he’s so damn sweet, he’d try to make her feel comfortable to the best of his abilities! Ehehe... and fun fact! From when Diamond makes the... comment, exactly 135 shooting stars are mentioned. 135...

SA #015

1) “It’s not like I was hit by spike cannon”. Hmmmmm

Heh. The power of foreshadowing~! ... That no one caught on before it actually happened 15 chapters later. Hehehe...

[acatex]

Hey Snarklings!

  Are you surprised that I’m still alive? I know I am (lols am I even relevant anymore?) Before I get into my whole MCAT prep strategy, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for leaving you guys in the dust. I have been very stressed lately and I just felt like I was letting you guys down which was why I made a really hard (but spontaneous) decision on my academic career. Of course I cannot comment right now on what I did/planning to do, but an upcoming blog post would be up in the next couple of days to explain the whole grey area that I was stuck in. Okay, it’s time to put away the tissue boxes and dive into every pre-meds worse nightmare: The Medical College Admissions Test (MCAT)

Disclaimer: This is my method and it may or may not work for you, so please take it with a grain of salt because, the way that I learn may be different from you, but it is a good idea to see how others approach this scary test.

What is the MCAT?

In short, the MCAT is a standardized test taken on a computer program to measure a prospective medical student’s potential to succeed medical school. Think of it as foreshadow of one’s ability to do well on painstakingly long exams that are cut up into blocks: Since most of medical schools in the US and Canada require doctors in training to take many board exams that can be 8-9 hours long.

Another reason why the MCAT is administered is to see whether the applicant can use background knowledge of the subject (biochemistry, biology, chemistry, psychology/sociology, physics, critical reasoning skills, etc) and integrate with other sciences to synthesize and draw an objective answer to a novel/unknown situation. This makes the MCAT different from others standardized tests such as SAT or ACT since these tests are more on memory recall and regurgitation, while the MCAT is more on integration and application to unknown situations. Think of it like this, when a doctor walks into a patient’s room, they know some things (the knowledge they’ve been taught in med school) and there’s probably things that they don’t know about a patient’s health, but when a doctor integrates what he/she knows and connect it to the unknown they can solve problems.

  What is the MCAT tested on?

Since, one of the reasons why the MCAT is administered is to test your endurance on future medical school board exams such as: USMLE step 1, step 2 CK, step 2 CS, Step 3  if you are in the United States or the MCCEE, NAC, MCCQE part 1, MCCQE part 2 in (Canadian boards), and Comlex Level 1, Level 2CE, Level 2PE, Level 3 (Osteopathic med schools/DO). They do this by testing you on undergraduate courses and are broken down into 4 sections/blocks

Chemical and Physical Foundations of Biological Systems

Critical Analysis and Reasoning Skills (CARS)

Biological and Biochemical Foundations of Living Systems

Psychological, Social and Biological Foundations of Behaviour

  Prior to Taking the MCAT

I highly recommend taking the required courses before taking the MCAT. The AAMC recommends to take the following pre-med classes:

Introductory (first year) Biology (2 semesters/1 year)

Introductory/General Chemistry (2 semesters/1 year)

Organic chemistry (2 semesters/1 year)

Biochemistry (1 semester)

Introductory Physics (2 semesters/1 year)

Psychology (1 semester)

Sociology (1 semester)

Now I never took a sociology class and I am planning on taking physics in my upcoming (and last) school year of uni. But that doesn’t really matter since you can just self study for it.

  Resources?

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So MCAT prep cannot be MCAT prep without a good set of MCAT books for you to review on. Now, there are many MCAT companies out there and a lot of people are confused on which one they would get to the point that everyone keeps on asking the same question: What books are YOU using? Hey, are those books good? Listen, your success on the MCAT does not depend on what company that you choose to get your books from. Why? Because it is you and how well you reviewed and practice those questions on a DAILY BASIS. I know people who got into med school by using Kaplan, I know people who got rejected who used Kaplan, and the same goes for other prep companies such as The Princeton Review, Examkrackers, The Berkely Review, etc. It doesn’t matter. Just pick one and stick with one. Do not. I repeat. DO NOT BUY TWO BOOKS OF THE SAME SUBJECT BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT ONE COMPANY DOES A BETTER “JOB.’ Again, It is you who will determine your own success, not a book.

Now, for me, I was about to buy the Kaplan MCAT series but, my mother surpised me on my 21st birthday with the NextStep MCAT Content Review and Practice Passages. At first, I was bummed out but as I went along, I realized that the books are doing its job: Helping me review what I learned in undergrad (wipes tears away; literally every time I turn a page I get flashbacks). And the best part is: It was free since it was my birthday gift so I did not have to spend a dime.

When I found something that I did not fully understand or the book did not give me a detailed answer I usually used Khan Academy videos (There’s a whole section just for the MCAT with practice problems). Other videos/channels worth mentioning:

AK Lectures for biochemistry and general chemistry (his explanations for thermodynamics is so straight to the point, they’re super clutch)

The Organic Chemistry Tutor: MCAT Test Prep General Chemistry Review Study Guide Part 1 and MCAT General Chemistry Lectures Review Prep Part 2 – Equations & Practice Questions

Leah4SciMCAT for doing MCAT Math Without a Calculator and Amino Acids for MCAT/Biochem students. I also looked at Fischer Projections for MCAT Orgo and Biochemistry which helped so much since she sues fun mnemonics and straight to the point concepts that just makes the learning fun and easy.

Bozeman science for their anatomy and physiology sections for every organ system mentioned in the biology MCAT book. I also looked at a video or two from the AP chemistry, AP biology, and AP physics (which I remembered fondly back in high school and so I’m familiar with them thus, I didn’t look at every video but just ones that I had trouble with, ex: transcription vs translation.)

  My method for studying: I tend to study in rotations or two chapters of the same subject a day until completion. The image below is how that looks like in my mini day planner:

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Since I do not have a job nor am I in school during the summer I was able to study for 8 hours a day and found myself going through rotations quicker than I expected. Before I go to bed I reviewed what I learned and anything that I do not finished I would have to finish in the morning before starting a new rotation.

  Active Learning

So when I start a new chapter I use my metacognitive abilities: What do I know vs what do I don’t know.

Let’s take the endocrine system as an example. I know that the endocrine is invovled in hormone secretion and regulation of the metabolic oathways that maintains homeostasis. I know an example of this would be aldosterone (a steroid hormone) and vasopressin (a peptide) hormone helps regulate homeostasis by repsonding to low fluid levels and by increasing fluid retention. But what I do not know is how exactly they achieve this: thus when I’m studying that’s my goal or my purpose. I am learning to apply and find answers to my questions.

Every time a paragraph says something about a hormone I would turn it into a question and write the answer in my own words. Here’s an example on tropic versus non tropic hormones:

In orange I wrote the section of the chapter: Regulation

I wrote a capital Q for question and A for answer.

And sometimes I write a little flow chart for easy summary of what I learned

The reason why I used this system was for 3 reasons: (1) By writing out the section in a different colour, it acts as a study guide (you know with all the topics/questions pertaining to one part of the chapter for a test). (2) Turning the info in a paragraph into a question and answers makes it interactive and makes you think about what you are learning; sort of like flashcards. I would cover the answer portion with another piece of paper and just talk/aggressively whisper out the answer (the answer doesn’t have to be word by word but just similar to what it is). (3) When it is time for revision: Your notes are in a Q/A format or like test which is better than writing a bunch of notes and just passively looking over.

Here’s another one on the hypothalamus-anterior pituitary-adrenal cortex axis (HPA)

As you can see I love flow charts for sequential pathways and showing the cause and effects of each step (what increases or decreases, which hormone is involved, etc)

I will write a more detailed post on what I put into my MCAT notebooks and what I look for when reading or extracting information from the review books. So just hold on and be patient.

  Practice, Practice, Practice

Knowledge is power but practice makes perfect. Remember that the MCAT will not really test your ability to recall facts straight from the book; this is not a trivia show. It is your ability to apply known information (your MCAT content review) and integrate them with other information in an unknown situation (the MCAT passages). That’s why I like that my MCAT books have practice passages at the end of each chapter. I also bought extra practice passages from NextStep because they really do help me understand the content and the timing. If you do not have practice passages right now, go to the Khan academy MCAT section and there’s loads of them (but they are really easy though).

Also, I really enjoyed watching videos on YouTube on how to approach passages and seeing what other people’s strategies and methods are. I tend to integrate what others do with my own method, but everyone is different so just take it with a grain of salt. Here are a couple of my favorite Youtubers, one of which is actually my best friend.

Amanda and Rich Show: MCAT Biology Passage Breakdown

CurveSetter: MCAT 2015 Biochemistry Tutorial 1 (Amino Acids) – CurveSetter Tutoring

CurveSetter: MCAT Biology/Biochemistry Passage Analysis (Acetylcholine) – CurveSetter MCAT Prep

CurveSetter: MCAT 2015 Chemistry Tutorial 3 (Titration Passage) – CurveSetter Tutoring

CurveSetter: MCAT 2015 Chemistry/Physics Selected MC 1 – CurveSetter Tutoring

CurveSetter: Electricity and Magnetism MCAT Physics Passage – CurveSetter MCAT Prep

CurveSetter: MCAT 2015 Biology Tutorial 1 (Neuron Passage) – CurveSetter Tutoring

CurveSetter: MCAT 2015 CARS Tutorial 1 (Passage) – CurveSetter Tutoring

CurveSetter: MCAT 2015 CARS Tutorial 1 (Questions) – CurveSetter Tutoring

SecondChance MCAT: MCAT Science Passage Breakdown #1

SecondChance MCAT: Full MCAT CARS Passage Breakdown (98% CARS Scorer)

Bless her Health: CARS WORKSHOP 08/24

Bless her Health: CARS WORKSHOP 08/28

  After going through a few passages or so, review your mistakes! Then again look up your Q/A notes and see where you went wrong. When you do this, you’re allocating your attention areas that need it. This really helped me retain information whilst, practicing applying concepts with other concepts. Another reason why, is that the questions on the MCAT are really different from your college classes. Again, you’re not regurgitating facts out, you’re applying what you know with what you don’t know by looking at superficial similarities and coming up with the best answer. Since this is a new skill, the only way to learn it is through practice.

I am planning on making a post about how I breakdown science and CARS passages as well so stay tuned.

Spaced Repetition Is Key

One of the keys to success for the MCAT is repetition for retention. If you do not review, you will forget it. That’s why I always made sure that after a section of a chapter I would look over what I had so far and really try to understand what I just learned and see how it relates to other chapters or to the other subjects in one way or another to get the BIG PICTURE. Then, before I go to sleep I will look over at the chapter again as a whole and annotate anything that I think needs more detail. Then the next day before starting a new chapter, I quickly look at all the previous chapters by talking aloud (or aggressively whispering if you’re around people, sorry to the girl at Starbucks who has to put up with my) and just make connections to it. Over time, I looked at all the previous chapters so much that I can recall many concepts.

Review while making your Q/A notes

review after making your Q/A notes

Look at your Q/A notes before you go to bed

Before starting a new chapter, look at all the previous Q/A notes to refresh your memory

1 day later look at your old Q/A notes then maybe 3 days later do it again

Congratulations, all the info you’ve mastered are now stored in your long term memory. It is permanent until you die (unless if you get amnesia).

  I hope this helps make up for my absence and don’t worry, I will post more on MCAT prep. So ciao for now, and stay flossy everyone.

  How I Prepare for the MCAT Part 1 Hey Snarklings! Are you surprised that I'm still alive? I know I am (lols am I even relevant anymore?) Before I get into my whole MCAT prep strategy, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for leaving you guys in the dust.

[77marvelimagines]

Beneath The Mask

Behind The Mask

Thor Odinson and Female!Reader

Prompt(s): HI! I am absolutely in loooove with your imagines!! I was wondering if you could do one where like the asguardian royal family has always had like a network of people assigned to protect them, and the reader gets assigned thor. so they’ve grown up together and she’s always kept stuff in and her secrets and then one day they’re just kinda hanging and she spills the beans? and ya know he’s like “danngggg. i’m here for you tho” and it’s fluffy? Sorry! I know this is long

Note(s): Hello!! Thank you for your kind words, and for the lovely prompt! <3 I always love writing about Asgard and the royal family. Sorry this got put on backlog for so long- college is a needy, needy child. Also, sorry it got long. I had a lot of fun thinking up their background and relationship. I hope you do enjoy tho! <3

Warning(s): None.

Word Count: 1711.

Ever since Thor Odinson had learned to walk, (y/n) had been by his side. Her job hadn’t started until sometime between adolescence and childhood, but it had always been an overshadowing fact nonetheless. She was to be there for him, in every way possible, whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically. (y/n) was his bodyguard, his protection. Should she fail, even in the slightest, it could mean his demise. And it was made clear, very clear, that that should never happen.

She began training at the equivalence of the age of six. By age ten, two years before Thor’s own training would begin, (much to his jealousy) she was a master with the sword and two other types of weapons. Age fourteen, as masterful as the guards roaming the castle halls. When she and Thor turned eighteen, she was considered stronger than some of Asgard’s strongest warriors.

(y/n) made sure that the fact was known far and wide. No one was to mess with Thor Odinson. Not under her watch.

She was a warrior. An assassin. The trainer to Prince Loki’s own bodyguard, who was the equivalence of four years younger to both herself and Prince Thor. (y/n) was stoic, serious, and respectable. She was knowledgeable, because she had to be, and knew much about health and magic. The practice may have been looked down upon by warriors, as she’d discovered long before Prince Loki had, but she was good at it anyway.

She was good at anything and everything. Because she needed to be.

But beneath all that, the hard shell and the gruff attitude, (y/n) was a kind soul. She was gentle and knew just the right things to say to the right person at the right time. She liked birds and books and learning, liked laughing and having friends. Few knew her soft side, which was how she liked it. She’d grown up playing in the gardens with Thor, and at some point Loki and his own bodyguard, before starting her training for real. Of course she still talked and hung out with him- the two of them were encouraged to rely on each other, to be comfortable with one another, for they’d be stuck together until either her own or his demise (and if she had any say in it, for Asgard’s sake, it would be hers).

But the point still stood that she had emotions, and sometimes it was just so hard to not yell in frustration, or laugh at something that Fandral the Dashing had just blurted out loud right in front of the Allmother. It was hard to be someone she was not, behind her mask, when she worried about the family she barely saw and the education she had (forcibly) given up. And try as she might to hide it, the people who really knew her always could tell when something was plaguing her mind.

Prince Thor happened to be one of those people.

His hand on her shoulder startled her away from the magic book she had splayed over her leg. Thor had less than a second to back away from the knife pointed at his throat.

“Whoa, (y/n)! Easy now,” he laughed, “it’s just me. Didn’t you hear me open your door?” (y/n) shook her head. Her and Thor’s rooms were separated by a single door, which usually creaked due to its age and use. Somehow, between the worrying of her thoughts and the re-read paragraph on the page, she’d neglected to listen. Thor shot her an apologetic smile as he extended a hand.

“Come to the tower roof with me. The stars are bright tonight and I want to see them.”

(y/n) raised an eyebrow, though closed her book anyway. “Since when do you like to look at the stars?”

Thor shrugged. “Sometimes it’s nice to. Come on!” He waved his arm, which was still outstretched. (y/n) took it, skepticism etched into her entire being, but Thor just grinned and dragged her along.

Together, the two of them snuck through the castle to the far north end. There was a tower there, old and abandoned. It was still structurally intact and sound, so there was no need to worry. It once belonged to the old royal magic department, which had since been disbanded. Dusty books and expired ingredients littered the small room at the top of the stairs, making any type of walking through the space difficult. After years of sneaking off, however, (y/n) and Thor wandered expertly through the mess to the window, where they hefted themselves onto the roof.

Thor was right. The stars really were bright. They twinkled without a care in the world, like the Norns had just adorned them to the night sky not even hours ago. The nebulae accented the inky blackness between with landscapes of color, lighting up the sky into something nearly indescribable. (y/n) sighed. She wished she could explore the universe to the cosmos end and back. Alas, she had a duty here, after all.

A nudge to her elbow startled her again. This time, (y/n) refrained from pulling out the knife hidden in her boot. Thor was undisturbed, however, instead gaze patient as he turned and stared at the stars above.

“You’ve been worried about something lately.”

“How would you know?” (y/n) said, knowing full well that Thor knew her like the back of his hand. The prince chuckled as he easily turned to sit, arms folded over his knees.

“Where do I start? With the targets you missed during archery practice today or the fact that Tiki almost won your sparring match?”

“He did no such thing!” (y/n) scoffed. She pointedly ignored the warm creep of blush on her neck. “I was distracted by the commotion that the stable hands were creating, that’s all. Tiki is getting better though. Loki has a good bodyguard.”

“Aye, though I’ve seen you fight and win battles in less time in the feast hall of all places, and you know how loud and rowdy it is in there.” Thor finally turned to level her with a pinning gaze. He looked like the cat who caught the mouse. “It’d do both you and I well if you’d spill.”

(y/n) pressed her lips together and sighed through her nose. She crouched down to sit beside her prince and, with fists clenched, finally began to pick through her baggage.

“I wanted to laugh so badly when Fandral said that to your mother. He was mortified and she looked ready to strangle some sense into him. Thor, I’m just.. so tired of hiding my emotions. My instructors always told me that I couldn’t have weaknesses, couldn’t be flawed, because it meant that something bad could happen to you. And I get that, I do! But…” She scowled and turned her gaze down to the training yards. “Do you know how much I would give to go to school like my younger sister?”

“Atla?” Thor asked, surprised. “How is she doing?”

“Well, though she’s trying to skip her classes. Skipping class, Thor! I don’t even have classes to skip, and I’d die for the opportunity! I… I’ve been this role for so long. Sometimes I’m afraid I don’t even know myself as a person because I don’t think I’ve had the chance to grow. I mean… do I even like fighting?”

Thor chuckled as he recalled a few memories from their younger days. (y/n) had always beat him in wrestling matches. The only reason she was never yelled at for it was because it was supposed to be her job, though she used to boast take pride in her victories. She didn’t anymore.

(y/n) continued on, oblivious to Thor’s silence. “I’ve been fighting all my life, Thor, I mean seriously, do I even enjoy it? What about education? I loved classes, I loved learning, and now I don’t even have that as an option anymore! Everything I know now is self-taught. My training took priority over everything past basics. I don’t even know anybody outside the royal family anymore. Do I even have friends?”

“You have me,” Thor offered. He sounded hopeful, his shoulder pushed gently up against hers. (y/n) suppressed a grin.

“I know, Thor. I… I’m just worried about myself, is all.”

The prince hummed as he considered her words. He scooted closer a moment later, his arm wrapped firmly around (y/n)’s shoulders. Her breath was soft in his ear, the pulse of her heartbeat steady. Just like her, Thor thought. In all his life, he’d never known her to hesitate.

“Perhaps I can ask Father for some time between my next few adventures. We can spend some time with your family, maybe Loki and Tiki will take you to the library. You’re a very strong person, (y/n), in head and spirit. I shouldn’t be rushing headlong into things without thinking of you first. It’d be nice to take some time and actually rest in a bed instead of dirt, too.”

They both laughed at the memory of their last trip. For days (y/n) had slept on dirt, since in his haste Thor hadn’t packed his sleeping roll. She’d made him take hers, despite his complaints, and in the end they played hot potato with who slept on it. The Warriors Three and Sif started making bets on who would get the sleeping roll on what night. Volstagg won most of them.

Thor looked over and took pride in that he’d been the first to make his kindred-sister smile for the first time all day. Not even Tiki and his dumb jokes could crack her shell. The stars overhead caught his attention again, causing him to tear his gaze away before (y/n) could catch him. She probably already had though, since she was good like that. He squeezed her shoulders tight and laid their heads together.

“Besides,” he said, “beneath that mask of yours, you always have me right beside you. We’ll figure this out, (y/n).”

It took a moment, but (y/n) eventually replied. “I know, Thor.” Despite the doubts that crowded her thoughts, she knew that like an absolute certainty.

Tag list:

@princess76179 @kalechipps @a-confused-blogger @agent-valkyrie-romanoff  @starkslaufey @bad-black-angel @pieceofsupersoldiertrash  @chari-a @bluudhavens @wowitstonystark

[beencaughts]

“I love you so much, I forgot what hating myself felt like.” , “I fucked up, why do you not care?” & “You don’t care, nobody cares, just leave.”

⊰ v. princess and moon ⊱

 “I love you so much, I forgot what hating myself felt like.” 

She brushed her nose against the stubble along his jawline, still reveling in the bliss from moments ago. Her eyes were with heavy with sleep, but Luna tried her best to listen and respond to Prince. Her short responses turned into hums and her hums turned into small nods. Prince wasn’t helping her not fall asleep either by running his fingers through her hair. Luna was so sleepy she hadn’t even noticed their positions changed. His hand was still in her hair, but she was shifted over a few inches, facing him. If she wasn’t so tired maybe she would’ve noticed the way that he was looking at her or how gently his thumb glided across her cheek. But what she wasn’t too tired notice was what he mumbled. “I love you so much, I forgot what hating myself felt like.” Her eyes popped open. Pillow talk was the only time Luna and Prince revealed intimate details about themselves. Most times they’d talk about stupid things but the few times they allowed themselves to be vulnerable, the information they revealed was heavy. The first time was when Luna finally revealed the circumstances around her arrival in London. People always wondered why she was there since she wasn’t a foreign exchange student, and Prince was the first person to know the truth. The second time being when he told her about his parents. From that, she knew that he battled a lot of demons, but she never expected that he would hate himself for it. It was also unusual that Prince would even say that he loved her. Even though they both knew it, he’d never really admitted to it. Whenever Luna would say it, Prince’s response would be a hum or a nod, sometimes even a kiss but never saying it back to her. Could he really only say it to her when he thought she was sleeping? It made her think about what else he said to her when she was sleeping. Luna pulled Prince into her chest and hooked her leg around his waist to hold him closer. “I love you too, Prince, you know that already. I’ll always be here to help you get through whatever,” She muttered, placing a lazy kiss to his temple. Luna wanted to delve more into what he said, but she was sure Prince wasn’t complaining that she didn’t. All Luna wanted to do was go to sleep with the man that loved her more than he loved himself in her arms.

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Iola could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. There weren’t many things Iola disliked about Jason. She loved everything from his immature ways to his cheesy nicknames for her, but the one thing she absolutely hated about him was that he didn’t love himself. Self-deprecating jokes pretty much defined millennials but with Jason, Iola knew that they more than jokes— he meant them. Being around all these people who’d otherwise look down upon him if he wasn’t with her probably didn’t help either. Iola managed to convince Jason to come along with her to a gala with the rest of her family. It was the kind of event rich people attended to show off just how successful they were. She was fully aware she was only invited to give her dad bragging rights, so she wanted to bring Jason who would definitely make her night a lot less boring and performative. “Yeah, I am a model. I bring my boyfriend to shoots whenever I can,” Iola announced to the creepy old guy trying to flirt with her. She was extremely grateful when Jason came to save her by asking if she wanted to dance. Bidding farewell to the man, Iola took Jason’s hand and got lost in the sea of people on the dance floor. As if on cue, the song switched to one of a slower tempo. It was amazing how quick the world could fade away whenever she was with Jason. Just moments ago she was trying to get away from someone’s dad and now it was as if she’d spent the entire night here in her boyfriend’s arms. They were both a smiley, giggly and disgustingly cute mess. Iola was mouthing the words of the song to Jason, her arms around his shoulders and his around her waist holding her close. When Jason said that to her, her tears were from a multitude of emotions. The music combined with his confession warmed her heart in the most beautiful ways but his lack of self-love broke her heart too. “Oh, Jason,” Iola cried as her hands went to cup his face. She didn’t really know what she wanted to say, but she was figuring it out as she gazed into his eyes. Iola came to the conclusion that it was unlikely she could ever make him see how important he was, not only to her but to everyone that knew him. She was always going to be praying for the day he would, but until then Iola loved him enough for the both of them. “I love you more than you’ll ever realize. I sure as hell love you more than you think you deserve.” Iola pulled him closer to connect their lips. Who knows how long they were standing there making out, but they didn’t pull away from each other until her sister tapped her on the shoulder. “Get a room, you two,” her sister laughed. “But after dad doesn’t need you to brag about you going to UCLA, c’mon.” 

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna finally sat down to read Zayn’s journal. When she had found it in her bed, she thought it had been a mistake. Maybe he was writing in it and left it there on accident. It wasn’t until she was finally able to call him that he told her he’d done it on purpose. “Why?” She whispered into the phone softly. There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds until he finally said: “Because I want you to understand me.” Arianna still didn’t touch it for another week after their conversation. Now she was scared about the things she’d find out about Zayn. She thought she knew everything about him, but Ari had a feeling that his journal was going to reveal that she didn’t. She was also scared to see inside of his mind. Just like he didn’t fully understand her problems, Ari didn’t fully understand his either. But she was hoping that this journal would help her understand him better. Arianna toyed with the journal for 30 minutes and debated with herself on if she was really ready to read it. Mustering up the courage to open it, Arianna starts with the oldest entry. The journal confirmed a few things as she got deeper into it. One, she hated Zayn’s best friend. Two, that he had a problem and was in denial about it. It broke her heart to read that he had been lying to her while he was in the hospital. He was supposed to be getting better and he was only making things worse. He’s getting help now, and that’s what’s important she reminded herself. Arianna didn’t notice she was crying until a tear hit the page, slightly smudging the ink under it. Her tears were not ones of sadness, though. She had made it to his more recent entries where her name began to pop up sometimes. In the last two entries, she even got her own paragraph. But the last one, where he talks about her being the good side of things, got her. Arianna didn’t really know that he felt this way because she felt the same: Zayn saved her and now she was learning she did the same. That meant the world to her. A few days later she gets the chance to talk to him again. “So I finally read your journal,” Arianna starts and she could almost feel him tense up. “You make me happy too, the happiest I’ve ever been. I love you so much, Zayn. I’ll always be here for you, for anything.” There was another pause between them on the phone.  “I love you so much, I forgot what hating myself felt like,” he finally says, and now Arianna is crying again, spending the rest of their phone call telling him how much she loved and missed him.

“I fucked up, why do you not care?”

⊰ v. princess and moon ⊱

Luna shrugged her shoulders as she rested against the door with her arms crossed. Prince knew from many first-hand experiences that Luna was not the type to let people get over on her. It was the reason they always butted heads. But things changed between them once they threw sex into their relationship. She thought that the only reason she kept going back to Prince even after he’d be an ass to her was that their relationship was hot. It was a secret, he was different, and they hated each other which made it fun. However, once their secret rendezvous became common knowledge, Luna didn’t find herself wanting him any less. In fact, it made her realize she wanted him more and not just sexually. Under his cold exterior, there was someone who was capable of being sweet and romantic. It was in Prince’s nature to push people away, but Luna wanted him with his asshole ways and all. She was not willing to let him push her away with a few harsh words that she knew were false. Luna stopped by his place, hanging out as if Prince hadn’t told her that he only used her for sex and broke up with her a few days ago. She wasn’t sure what caused his outburst, but she figured whatever it was he’d be over it by now. She was surprised when he took her by the wrist and dragged her into his room so that Pandora would be out of earshot. Luna had only taken a step inside of his room before he started screaming about why she was there. “I fucked up, why do you not care?” Luna could only smile mischievously in response. “Prince,” She starts, shrugging her jacket off onto the floor. Her fingers start to undo her top as she slowly approached him. “You said that our relationship was only about sex, right?” Once her shirt is out of the way, Luna starts to unzip her skirt. “So we can sit here and talk about our feelings and you admit that we’re more than sex.” Her skirt drops to the floor, revealing that the garters holding up her stockings were attached to an intricate set of lingerie. Luna finally reaches him and her hands slowly reach under his shirt. “Or you can put your money where your mouth is and take this off me.”

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

It was highly unusual for Iola not to react to Jason interacting with other girls. She got jealous when she felt like he greeted girls too nicely, so why wasn’t she reacting to him sleeping with someone else? At first, Iola was angry when she found her boyfriend in their bed with another girl. She wanted to kill Jason and the stranger in her bed. She wanted to throw things and kick holes in the wall, but Iola stormed down the hallway of their building before she did any of those things. And after spending a week with her family, mostly crying to her mom and sister, Iola was ready to return back to her apartment with Jason. She knew he expected her to be angry or cold towards him, but Iola went about her days as usual. She was noticeably more reserved but nothing else about her behavior gave away that she was angry or even jealous. In fact, it almost seemed as if she was more lenient. If Jason was going somewhere or on the phone talking to someone, Iola didn’t inquire about it like she used to. When he said hi to other girls, she didn’t get jealous anymore. Even when a girl was flirting with Jason right in front of her, Iola felt nothing. Her unusual behavior must’ve gotten to Jason since he wasn’t facing any consequences for what he did. “I fucked up, why do you not care?” Jason’s tone was frustrated, but she could only give a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. Her blue eyes were focused on her feet, trying to think of a response. “I don’t know, Jason. Before when I got jealous it was because I was scared of losing you to someone else. I was insecure knowing that you were with someone else after me, but this time it didn’t have to be after me —it was during me, in my apartment, in my bed. I don’t care because no matter what I do, I feel like anyone can have you, so why should I care so much anymore? At least you have a less crazy girlfriend.” Iola was completely dejected. She still loved Jason with all of her heart, but it was going to take her a while to not feel so hopeless.

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna couldn’t help the giggles from leaving her as she watched her husband, making him turn to her with a pout on his lips. She didn’t blame Zayn for being away so often or for so long. It was his job and when she said ‘I do’ she was agreeing to deal with it. Ari couldn’t deny it wasn’t hard, though. Their daughter was still an infant and required a lot of 24/7 care. She wished they could join him on the road, but they decided it was just too much moving around for a baby. The time that he did get to come home to them was amazing, but this time it was a little less than that. Zayn had only been gone for about three weeks, but it seemed as if he’d never taken care of a baby in his life. He forgot to sterilize the bottles, completely wasting the one he was about to give her. He also missed her nap time playing around with her which only came to bite him when it was time to put her down for the night. It probably took him two hours to finally get her down, Arianna watching him for the last 20 minutes. She embraced her husband with open arms while still chuckling at his mishaps. “I fucked up, why do you not care?” He mumbled in the crook of her neck. “Because you’ve been away on tour. You’re probably tired and stressed. Not to mention trying to do everything perfectly because you’ve been gone so long which only makes you do everything worst.” Arianna gave her husband a reassuring pat on the back before taking his hand and leading him to their bedroom. She playfully pushes him on the bed, climbing on top of Zayn to straddle his hips. “It’ll get better tomorrow. Right now, though, my husband has been gone for three weeks. They say to sleep when your baby is sleeping, but I think there are more pressing issues.” 

⊰ v. katie and leo ⊱

Leo didn’t know why he didn’t care — he should have. Not only was Katie dating someone but the guy was also a friend of his. Leo had known that his friend liked Katie for a while because he’d always ask Leo if there was anything going on between them. “Ask her,” he’d always answer. Leo couldn’t wrap his head around why she went through with dating him or even anyone at all, but Leo and Katie were just friends. He didn’t have a right to be jealous. Sure, they had a pact that they wouldn’t get into anything serious with anyone else, but things change and feelings change. They were a bit younger when they made the pact; maybe she didn’t feel the same anymore. Eli and Ava invited everyone around to their place and of course, Katie had to bring along her boyfriend. Leo felt himself growing jealous at the sight of them messing around, but he would never show it. Leo was too much of a cool guy to do that. Throughout the night he’d hang out with her boyfriend, laughing and joking around with him. Regardless of what was going on between him and Katie, Leo was still friends with the kid. Even when Katie would come over and be all over her boyfriend, Leo was seemingly unbothered by it all. He surely didn’t expect her to be angry about him being chill when she asked if they could talk. “I fucked up, why do you not care?” Leo blinked at Katie in confusion. So she knew that her dating someone else was fucked up yet she was still going through with it. Leo was never the type to say he didn’t understand girls, but right now he really didn’t understand what was happening. “Katie,” he sighed, taking her by the shoulders. “You didn’t fuck up. You’re free to do whatever you want. We’re best friends, remember? It’s not like we’re married. If you’re happy, who cares about some stupid pact we made years ago?” Leo thought in an ideal world, he and Katie would be together. He knew he loved her and would do anything for her. And if letting her violate the terms and conditions of their pact made her happy, Leo accepted it. She’s going to break up with him for me anyway Leo thought.

“You don’t care, nobody cares, just leave.”

⊰ v. princess and moon ⊱

Prince wasn’t necessarily incorrect about his assumption. He was right that no one cared about Matthew and Panda except him, but he was wrong because at least Luna cared about how he felt. She, just like the rest of their friends, urged him to accept that his sister and best friend were together. Luna didn’t see the big deal, but this was clearly bugging Prince to no end. She had come over to his place to hang out with her boyfriend, maybe even fool around a little but all he could focus on was Matt and Panda. She knew it was partially because he couldn’t look at her without thinking about how she didn’t tell him. “Oh my god, Prince! The faster you get over it, the better it will be for everyone,” Luna whined as she made her way over time him, her arms encircling his waist. “I don’t want to talk about that anymore. I want to spend time with my boyfriend doing whatever you want,” her tone was suggestive. Luna attempted to give Prince a kiss, but he turned his head away from her which caused her to frown. Luna only felt more crushed when he pushed her away from her, but the final nail in the coffin was when he started heading towards the door. “You don’t care, nobody cares, just leave,” he said, holding the door open for her to leave. This was the second time Prince decided that they needed space when they talked about it. It was the exact reason why Luna didn’t want to talk about it. Sure, she should’ve been more sympathetic towards his feelings, listened to him a bit more, but how could she when he partially blamed her? They never talked about their feelings. Why did they have to start now? Luna nodded her head before gathering her things, stopping once she got to the front door. “Prince, of course, I care. I just—I can’t understand why you have to drag this on for so long. I can’t go back in time and tell you, and Panda and Matt aren’t going to stop dating. It’d just be easier if you accepted it like the rest of us. No one likes the drama.” With last sad glance, Luna turned away from her boyfriend and left.

⊰ v. no reason ⊱

Iola has been Jason’s biggest fan from the moment they met. Any normal person would’ve been creeped out finding out a stranger had been drawing pictures of them, but Iola thought they were too beautiful to be angry at. It was why she was insistent upon replacing everything she ruined immediately. Iola didn’t know much about art or artists, but she knew that Jason was talented. She actually was stopping by his studio to surprise him. Iola was thrown off by how unusually silent it was. “Jason?” She called out while her eyes scanned the room for any sign of life. It wasn’t until she made it in the back that she saw Jason. “Babe, that looks so cool!” Iola praised, wrapping her arms around him from behind and admiring his painting. She went in to kiss him and was surprised that he wasn’t so eager to kiss her back. That was when Iola forced him to turn around and face her to reveal his sad expression. Jason had been down for a few days, but she thought that he felt better when he decided to finally go work on some paintings. He started talking about how nothing he makes was good causing Iola to shake her head in disagreement. “Are you kidding me? Everything you make is amazing, babe.” Iola was no connoisseur of art, so she didn’t know the technicalities of why he didn’t like it. She just knew she loved it. “You don’t care, nobody cares, just leave.” Iola rolled her eyes. Jason was just being dramatic and feeling uninspired. That was the only explanation because if anyone were to care, it’d be her and he knew that. Maybe he didn’t need anyone to reassure him that he was good; he just needed to someone to listen. She didn’t like everything she created, so Jason wouldn’t either. “Okay, how about we get some McDonald’s and sit around in our bed while you complain to me about what’s wrong, yeah?”  

⊰ july 17th ⊱

Arianna frowned at his words. There were constant beeps filling her ears from the many machines hooked up to her boyfriend and other patients. She’d been at the hospital whenever she could, even spending the entire night with him at some point. Arianna didn’t like seeing Zayn like this. She didn’t like knowing that he nearly killed himself twice now. Ari tried to be supportive and stick by Zayn, but it was only possible if he was willing to help himself. Arianna had been lightly suggesting that he go get help all day because she didn’t want to see him in the hospital again or worse. Every time, Zayn would insist that rehab wouldn’t work, but Arianna couldn’t understand why couldn’t at least try to get better since doing it on his own clearly wasn’t working. “Do you love me?” Arianna asks. “You shouldn’t even have to ask that, of course, I love you.” Arianna smiles a bit at his answer but it goes away quickly. “Then you should want to do it because you love me. I don’t want to see you in here again, Zayn, seriously. The woman you love is asking you to get help so get some damn help.” Arianna didn’t know why she thought that was going to end their argument about it because it didn’t. He would just keep giving her excuses until he finally admitted why he was refusing. “Because Ari, I don’t know how to survive without them okay? It’s all I know anymore, and I don’t know who I’m gonna be without them. I’m not ready, but you don’t care, nobody cares. Just leave, Ari.” Arianna wasn’t sure of how to respond to him. She wasn’t going to leave him no matter how mean he got with her. He was only trying to get rid of her so they could stop talking about this. But how could she respond to her boyfriend saying he doesn’t know how to survive without drugs? That was a scary revelation for both of them. She wanted to keep pushing the issue, but it was going to get them nowhere but into an argument. Instead, Arianna just placed a kiss on his forehead, her hand gently resting on his cheek. “I do care, but we don’t have to talk about this anymore. Instead, we can laugh at the angry voicemail the producers left me for leaving Iowa.”

⊰ v. katie and leo ⊱

Leo hadn’t seen Katie in a while. Her family was going through a tough time since her mom died a week ago, and he wanted her to know that she still had him to lean on. Katie was his best friend and it hurt him to know that she was hurting. His mom warned him that now probably wasn’t the best time to go around to her house, but Leo disregarded her warning and went anyway. It was awkward explaining to her dad why he was there because the man looked so sad, but Leo was grateful when he allowed him inside to talk to Katie. Leo knocked softly on the door, not waiting for a response before he entered. “Hey uhh,” he stammered because he didn’t really know what to say. Did she want him to act normally? Did she want him to comfort her? Did she want him to go away? He was only 9, so his understanding of social cues weren’t fully there. Besides, Leo couldn’t imagine what he'd want or how he’d feel if his mom died. He sat at the foot of her bed cautiously, facing her. “How’re you? I haven’t seen you for a long time or at least it’s a long time for us. You haven’t been to school and I—uh—was worried about you,” Leo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. The last thing Katie needed was him acting like a complete idiot and yet here he was acting as if they weren’t friends since the day they were born. “You don’t care, nobody cares, just leave.” He heard her mumble. Leo immediately moved closer to her, taking her hands in his. “Of course I care. I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t care. Look, Katie, I’m only 9. I don’t know how to deal with these things. I barely know to tie my own shoe, but whatever you want from me you’ve got it.” Leo gave her a gentle smile just hoping that she would let him be there for her. 

[hope-for-olicity]

This is an old bone, but I’m going to chew on it some more because the public perception of romance novels is a perpetual source of irritation in my life. As a general rule, I try not to spend all my time defending the genre from the fifty-million polemics written about romance novels each year (which seem to spring up faster than dandelions in the spring). If we waste our energy shooting down shallow, unsubstantiated arguments, then we have no time left to devote to real consideration of the genre (its flaws, its value, its sociocritical commentary, etc.). Which, of course, is what they want.

Today, however, I’m going to make an exception.

Because back in June there was an article in the National Post that really hit the wrong note with me—so much so that, rather than fire off the rage-fueled response I wrote that same day, I have been sitting on this post for two months. I’ve been hesitating for two reasons: one, rage is not a good look for my writing style, and two, the issue I have with the article itself is a point of massive frustration for me both personally and professionally. I wanted to be sure that when I finally wrote this post, I was able to clearly articulate why.

But right off the bat, let’s get one thing clear:

Dear Romance Detractors of the World,

THE ROMANCE GENRE IS NOT YOUR JUNK FOOD.

Sincerely, We’re all really tired of this argument.

Sadaf Ahsan’s article, “In Defense of the Trashy Summer Read,” ran in the National Post on June 27, 2018. After months of fairly decent media coverage for the genre—this year has been an amazing one for positive representation of the romance novel in the media—I was hopeful that, despite the use of “trashy” in the title, Ahsan’s piece would, in fact, be a defense of the romance.

But Ahsan quickly disabused me of that notion. She begins the article by asking us to “redefine how we think of trash”—not to redefine what we think of as trash, but what we think of trash. Not an auspicious start, since she is clearly still associating romance with “trash.” But, thankfully, the word trash, through annoying, has been used so often with regards to the romance genre that it’s really lost most of its power. So, though annoying, Ahasan’s ability to distinguish between trash and quality wasn’t enough to set me off. No, it was when she compared romance novels to junk food that I really lost my temper.

So I have decided that it’s time for a Romance Novels 101 refresher course.

LESSON 1: ROMANCE NOVELS ARE NOT TRASH

To explain why Ahsan comparing romance novels to junk food set me off, I have to back up a few years.

In 2015 the Smithsonian ran an article by Emma Pearse on their magazine website, “Why Can’t the Romance Genre Get Any Love,”about the academic study of the romance genre. In the article, Pearse makes the argument that romance novels have as much literary merit, and are as worthy of academic study, as any other piece of fiction, from Tolkien to Tolstoy. She draws particular attention to the fact that most other forms of genre fiction, in particular fantasy and science fiction, have been studied in universities and taught in classes for years. But romance has not been afforded the same degree of attention, time, or effort.

We all know why romance novels are so commonly dismissed as trash, of course. Critics will defend their stance by claiming that romance novels are:

Badly written. (I draw your attention to this excellent piece by fellow Rioter Danika Ellis on why you should stop using the phrase “badly written” to critique books you just didn’t like.)

Sexist. (Which is funny coming from people who are frequently sexist in their attacks on romance novels.)

Causing women to confuse fantasy and reality. (You can tell from the the pulsing vein on my forehead that this is my favorite.)

But at the end of the day, the main reason that romance novels are dismissed as fluff and nonsense is because they’re (mostly) written by women, and when has something created by women for women (and about women or centered on women) not been automatically been dismissed out of hand?

But the more you try to explain to them that romance novels have value—literary value, cultural value, critical value—the discussion becomes a Magic Eight Ball of Ignorance (-5 to Intelligence). Every time you make a rational argument and shake the ball, the words “mindless brain candy” keep floating to the surface.

via GIPHY

LESSON 2: ROMANCE NOVELS ARE NOT JUNK FOOD (OR FAST FOOD)

If you want an example of a typical response from the Magic Eight Ball of Ignorance, check out this early comment on Pearse’s article:

This guy pissed me off in 2015 when he claimed that romance novels were of no more consideration to thinking people than fast food was to food critics. And when I saw Ahsan making the same argument in her article earlier this year, I had to resist the urge to set fire to my laptop. Because of all the arguments against the romance genre, this is the one that I hate the most.

Below is the third paragraph of Ahsan’s article, in which she introduces her “junk food” metaphor. Which she then carries through the entirety of her article, as though she’d discovered the most fucking clever rhetoric trick known to man. (Reader, she had not.)

“Because the thing is, trash – mostly as it pertains to pop culture – is a lovely thing. And the very best, the most vacuous and lighthearted, is deliciously digestible. Like devouring a brightly coloured cupcake or the jelly donut you know isn’t going to offer you anything more than needless calories and a sugar migraine, devouring a trashy novel is the utmost not-giving-a-damn-that-literature is able to offer.”

This paragraph exemplifies everything I hate about the faulty comparison of romance = fast food/junk food. There are dozens of things in Ahsan’s article that I could tear into that are wrong, ugly, idiotically stereotypical, and just plain ignorant—if only I had the time. But this right here is the worst of it. When she follows this paragraph up with remarks like:

“Who cares about extra calories? Who cares about a jelly stain? Who cares if you’ve named your cat Fabio after an iconic romance novel cover star?”

or

“they go down easy, but fast, one after the other, like beers you’ve been tossing back all afternoon, or that bowl of guac you may or may not have finished all on your own. What’s one more drink; one more chip; one more prurient paragraph?”

Ahsan illustrates exactly why this sort of argument makes me so angry. For one thing, it is much too easy for someone to spin it in a way that sounds positive even while the undertone is derisive. Like I said, going into Ahsan’s piece I had hopes that it would be pro-romance, given the title. And on the surface it seems to be. Read romances, Ahsan says! Don’t let anyone shame you for reading romances! These are arguments real romance readers make everyday to encourage each other and to embolden new readers.

The difference is that when actual romance readers say these things we mean “read romances” and “don’t let people shame you for reading romances” because. The “because” being that romances are amazing, creative, ever diversifying, feminist, and (naysayers and literary gatekeepers be damned) possess amazing literary value. When Ahsan says “read romances,” etc., it’s not “because,” it’s “but.” Read romances, but never forget that they’re bad for you and to supplement your romance reading with real books.

Fun fact: the definition of prurient is “marked by or arousing an immoderate or unwholesome interest or desire; especially: marked by, arousing, or appealing to sexual desire.”

Excessive. As in, you should be ashamed of the degree of interest. This word has a explicitly negative connotation, and you will never convince me Ahsan didn’t know that.

LESSON 3: ROMANCE NOVELS ARE NOT WARPING ANYONE’S MIND

And that’s the ugliness of the “junk food” metaphor. It encourages you to “indulge,” but it never wants you to forget that it considers what you’re consuming to be bad for you, and ultimately it looks down on you for your choices. This sort of thinking is tied into a long history of people dismissing the romance genre as useless, valueless, ineffectual literature, even as they oppose that same argument by claiming romance novels are harmful to women. (See above re: the vein in my forehead and the idiotic idea that romance novels blind women to reality.)

That’s right, women are so stupid and unaware that we can be tricked by a piece of fiction. Did you know that? I didn’t. Must be because I’ve been reading too many books to pay attention. We’re so incapable that we have to be told what we can’t read, what we can read, and how much of one thing we can read before it warps our simple little minds. Now smile, pretty girl, and say thank you! But, then, pretty might be the wrong word to use, because based on the awful romance reader stereotypes that Ahsan evokes in her article (apparently we’re all sloppy, lazy, lonely, cat-owning, sex-obsessed spinsters, btw), I doubt the average asshole romance hater would consider us all that attractive.

Okay.

Apparently even two months later I haven’t gotten all the rage out.

So, before I go find something to bring my blood pressure back down out of the stratosphere, one last time for the people in the back:

ROMANCE NOVELS ARE NOT YOUR JUNK FOOD.