#First strike was the fucking confrontation she did with me basically treating me like a stupid toddler

[psilactis]

My fucking therapist just sent me a text that basically reads "ure sad bc u made horrible life choices and are a horrible person :)"

I'm so breaking up with her lol I'm fucking done

[hmslusitania]

I see we're going ape over buddie and Choices tonight so

Yknow in 2.07, when Shannon comes back and her and Eddie have their first scene together? The argument at the end, after Eddie says it wouldn't be a good idea for her to see Christopher bc she left them, she says she needed him, she needed a husband and a co-parent - and "I needed someone to have my back!"

To which EDDIE says, "I always had your back"

*insert Incredibles "coincidence? I think NOT" gif here*

(Also side note, I do like that the show doesn't try to sugarcoat what Shannon did being messed up, and that Eddie's own actions weren't really the right thing either[thinking about his conversation with Buck where he says he got to pretend he left for a noble cause even tho he was running], and that it was just a sticky situation that neither of them were equipped to handle in any way, and snowballed. I do kind of wish we could've gotten post-divorce Shannon and Eddie and Christopher interactions, figuring out how they fit together, if at all, bc I like those intricate and messy situations but I could see how that might get too close to retreading old ground re: Michael and Athena's divorce. But I do hate how ive seen the fandom like. Seem to oversimplify things with Shannon sometimes? And make her the ultimate villain, and Eddie Did Nothing Wrong, Ever)

Hi Anon!

The decision to have Buck and Eddie's first bonding moment end with "You can have my back any day" and "or, y'know, you could have mine" only to then six episodes later find out that at least a contributing factor to Eddie's marriage dissolving was that he "didn't have her back" is like. Such a galaxy brain chaos move for them to take, honestly. Like?? They could've had the phrasing be literally anything in 2x07 but instead they had it directly echo Buck and Eddie in 2x01. What was the reason? Why did they do this?

As for the rest of your ask:

(gosh this got long and, uh, opinionated. It is Not Pretty below the cut)

One of the things I really liked about Eddie Begins is that we did get to see him at the beginning of his journey in being Chris's dad because it gives us an opportunity to appreciate how amazingly he's grown as a father. Like, he didn't start out as a perfect dad and he was definitely kind of lost in the woods at the beginning there when it came to the whole "how do I parent" thing. And before Eddie Begins, we'd only ever seen the end result of the growth he's gone through, where he really is a fantastic dad whose son is basically his entire reason for being. Before Eddie Begins, we get to hear him say things like "I left first" and "I've failed that kid more times than I can count but I love him enough to never stop trying" but we kinda have to take that on faith? Because we hadn't actually seen him be anything besides a good dad until we saw his Begins episode. (And even then in his begins it's like "area man in his early 20s unsure how to care for small child while also coping with PTSD and a toxic support system" which like. yeah. no shit. there's one hell of a learning curve there)

The thing about Eddie and Shannon as a couple and as parents that always gets to me is that they were so fucking young. We don't know exactly how old Eddie is in the show, but we can guesstimate pretty safely that he's around the same age as Ryan which would make him between 23 and 24 when Chris was born, and it seems reasonable to believe Shannon was around the same age. It's also a pretty common reading in the fandom -- although I'm not sure how much canon support there is for it because we really, really don't know anything about their relationship pre-Christopher unless I'm forgetting something -- that they got married because Shannon got pregnant and that was the Done Thing. And when you're 23-24, baby on the way, freshly married, that is just like. So much. It sure as hell ruined my parents' relationship when they did that exact thing, and then they disliked each other until they were 27 and then they got divorced, and no one was happier than me about it, I have to tell you.

Back to the show, I can only give you my impressions, obviously, but the impression I have always gotten from the whole "I left too" conversation and the context that goes into it and the different behaviours we see exhibited by the characters is that Eddie "left" first and it comes across to me that he was basically an early twenty-something kid running scared from the abstract concept of being a father in general, and then when he was forced home by an honourable discharge, and was confronted with the reality of Christopher, he managed to step the fuck up and become Christopher's dad. It's there in 2x02, right? "Oh, you've got a kid? I love kids!" "I love this one." Eddie doesn't strike me as a Swiss Army Knife all-purpose Dad(tm) the way Bobby is. Eddie is Christopher's dad. (and like, of course, he's obviously moved by kids when he's on a call, we've seen that enough times to know that if there's a child who can even glancingly remind him of Christopher, Eddie's sense of self-preservation goes out the window, and I love that about him as heart-stopping as it can be in practice)

Shannon, on the other hand, didn't run from the idea of being a mother -- at first. When she left, it wasn't from the abstract. She left Chris (and "gave up" on Eddie, thanks Helena). She was not running from a concept, she was running from a reality. I think Shannon is a fascinating character to include in a television show as a side character, because she really isn't a one note character. Like, she was unarguably a bad mother, and from what we saw, she was a questionable romantic partner to have (but as you said, anon, Eddie was also not 100% the best romantic partner when he was with Shannon either; their entire relationship so far as I can tell was built on sexual chemistry which, uh, super does not sustain a relationship), but she also seems to have been a devoted daughter? I mean, yeah, it's entirely possible that her mom being sick was a convenient excuse to bail -- and obviously she didn't come back after her mom died, and didn't, y'know, contact her son or husband in the interim, so yes, I can see that being a valid way to read the situation. I don't think she's the Ultimate Evil, because she strikes me as a very human character in all the ways that people are more often than not really fucking flawed.

But then we get back to the actual break-up scene. The first time I watched it (and second, and third; then the fourth time the person I was watching with was like "I mean, sure, but it could also be read in this light") her "I'm just learning how to be someone's mother" speech really bothered me? Partly because it was the abstraction of it, right? Eddie doesn't like kids, he likes Christopher, and Shannon sort of had the inverse journey there, I guess, where it went from she didn't know how to be Christopher's mother, to she didn't know how to be a mother. And that speech bothered me because it always sounded to me like she was bailing again. She begged Eddie to let her back into Christopher's life (guilt? I guess?) and like, straight up bribed him with sex which was sure a choice, and then decides -- for a second time -- that she's out. It sounded, to me, she was handing Eddie papers and maybe, in a few years, possibly, once she'd had "time" to "figure out how to be someone's mother" she would try again. Just like she had in the interim between leaving when Christopher was little and the time of season 2.

And like, that could totally be a misunderstanding of the scene and what she was saying. It's what I took away from it, but that could very well be influenced by the fact I was raised by divorced parents and my dad had custody and if you count up all the time I spent with either parent when I was a minor, I was predominantly raised by my father and have had an especially tempestuous relationship with my mother that is mostly (sometimes) repaired now that I'm in my late twenties and have not lived with her since I was sixteen.

Back to the show, and to your comment that the fandom tends to treat Shannon like the Ultimate Evil and act like Eddie Did Nothing Wrong, I mean. Yeah. Fandom as a rule tends to shirk nuance. We're all fools here on the internet sitting in our blue industrial waste container crying about a wee woo show. I personally believe a more nuanced take on that might be that Eddie has shown a great capacity to learn from his mistakes (sometimes to make fun, shiny, new ones, but for the most part, just like ends up doing better the next time) and Shannon did not show that capacity in the time we knew her.

I think, depending on what they did with it, there was potential for an interesting storyline if they'd played through the divorce. I don't think it would've been rehashing ground covered by Michael and Athena's divorce because I can't see Eddie and Shannon having reached a point of amicability and friendship. The only thing we know they had in common was Christopher, and frankly, when you boil it down, the ways they engaged with Christopher as a person were so disparate that -- to me -- it really didn't seem like they had Christopher in common when you get right down to it. But I wouldn't have wanted to see Christopher and Eddie dragged through an ugly divorce process. They deserve better than that.

There's also a conversation to be had about Shannon's blatant ableism towards her own son, but that is extremely not my lane since I am not disabled myself. But even from an outside perspective, basically their entire parking lot conversation in Haunted, uh, haunts me with it's repugnance and the fact that instead of calling her on any of it, Eddie "Chronically touch starved" Diaz's response was to kiss her? Gosh golly do I wish that was one of the mistakes he learned from properly instead of finding a new, shiny version.

ANYWAY this got long, tl;dr (although if you clicked on the read more, you probably read it) version is No, Shannon is not the Ultimate Evil, she's a shitty mom not a demon in a skin suit and a pretty yellow sundress; and No, Eddie is not a flawless human who's never done wrong in his life but holy fuck is he trying and he'd be the first person to tell you he's made mistakes (and often has been); and no, sorry, I don't want to see the divorce storyline play out because we probably would've had to see either Eddie Bashing, Shannon Redemption, or Shannon turning up again like a cardboard cut out of a cartoon villain the way Eva did and I want to be witness to exactly zero of those things.

[chayacat]

Devil’s Sweet Star (26)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader  

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut  

***

When you're a journalist, you have to know a lot of things. The most important thing in this business is neutrality of course. Even if the temptation to give his opinion is strong, a journalist must remain neutral in all circumstances. He must then have good source and good contact. A good source is even essential to get a good scoop. And having good contact in the field makes it easier. But if there is one thing a journalist must have... It's cold-blooded.

And luckily for Wilhelm, Danny has A LOT of composure. Oh, how many times did he dream of sticking anything in his skull? how many times did he dream of burning, drowning, skinning, dismembering him and what else do I know? Far too much to remember. and every time he dreamed of it; Danny took an indescribable pleasure in it. he would have liked to spend his day with you, not to move from the bed, your little body so fragile in his arms ... Unfortunately, you both work, and if the prospect of going to the police station does not enchant him basically, seeing Wilhelm's face early in the morning, did not help either. And as if that wasn't enough, Wilhelm was in a bad mood. Has he been in a good mood at least once in his life? There's a good chance he won't.

Luckily, Mattew and Melina were there. They're the only ones, with you of course, that Danny will never kill. It's rare to be off the Ghostface hunting board. You can thank God for your luck. But that doesn't mean he won't get revenge in bed. And that you will not escape, you can be sure. Wilhelm was chatting "calmly" with his officers while our trio of journalists sat down working a little further away.

“That's bullshit! There must be a connection between this story and McKellan's murder! They are accused of fraud on a national scale and coincidentally one of the suspects dies! And as luck would have it, Horace Hoggins threatens him three f***ing days before the murder!” said Wilhelm shouting and striking the table.  

“Yes, but the modus operandi is too similar to Ghostface's. What if it was really him that he killed him? Or he hired him. But I can't see the "Ghost of Roseville" playing mercenaries.” Said one of the officers.  

“Hoggins has money. He could hire any mentally ill person to do the job. After all, we don't know who we actually see in this city. Sometimes the most honest citizen can be the greatest criminal.” replied another one.  

“And then reproduce the modus operandi of Ghostface is not very complicated if you have all the necessary equipment to leave no trace. And that, Hoggins can provide.” said the third one.  

Danny bit his lips inwardly about it. Copying his modus operandi? not complicated? No criminal even thinks about going that far! Even the bloodiest, or the craziest, would have made a mistake! Danny is the mixture of the two, and yet you never suspect him because he never left any trace, you idiots! But he has to hold back... it was his plan to get Hoggins charged. He must stick to it, and remain calm.,

“Well, he needs to relax a little, inspector... He's going to end up having a heart attack. But hey I can understand, he wants to bring justice to Roseville.” said Melina.  

“Yes, but in the meantime, the boss, he's very nice but he's not the one who has to face Wilhelm's nerve attacks... Why did it have to fall on us?” said Mattew, lying on the table.

“Simply because we published this article. Now we can't go back.” responds Danny by putting his glasses back on properly, while looking at his laptop. It was the one the boss gave him so he could store his work. He had a personal one but I do not draw you on what it contains ... You're smart enough to know that.

He looked at all the pictures he had taken in his job as a journalist and a big smile was on his face when he found something to incriminate Hoggins. It is true that he had spied on him at his home that day. And it's like a day or two before Hoggins threatened McKellan. It's perfect.

“Wilhelm. You should come and see this. Maybe I have something for you.” Said Danny.  

“If it's to waste my time Olsen I swear I'll put you in jail in the second that comes. Then it's better for you that your find advances the investigation.” respond Wilhelm annoyed before advancing towards Danny.

“Oh, I'm sure you'll like what I have in front of me. When the "scandal" broke out, my boss asked me to take pictures of Hoggins. Spy on him if you prefer. And I remember that a few days before he threatened McKellan... Mr. Hoggins was with someone at his house.”  

“... I should arrest you for violation of a private property Olsen... But these photos are important evidence. I would be curious to know what this man who was chatting with Hoggins that day will tell us... and given his face, this man is not a saint. it pisses me off to tell you that but... good job Olsen. Print me these photos so that we can add them to the evidence board.” Replied Wilhelm looking at the photo seriously before leaving the room to get some coffee.  

Danny smiled inwardly in front of Wilhelm's face. it's so good to see this bastard feel compelled to thank Danny for helping him. Even if, in truth, Danny was directing him on a false trail. But in the end, everyone will win, Danny even more. Once again, he will escape all suspicion. And his pleasure will be even greater, when he announces to Wilhelm that Hoggins had nothing to do with the story in the end. It's going to ruin his career and that's all he deserves. And then... he will begin his descent into hell. Which will end sooner or later on Ghostface’s knife. Danny does not yet know what he will do to Wilhelm, but he is sure of one thing; He'll love to slaughter him. It doesn't matter how.

Wilhelm returned a few minutes later with his coffee and the photos Danny had printed in the meantime. He put down his coffee to hang the pictures on the board. Then took his cup back to sip coffee.

“Ok. Thanks to Olsen, I'm pissed off to say it, we know Hoggins was talking to this man a day or two before the threats. Which means that long before he threatened him, he was carrying out his plan. We have to find this man and question him! search our entire police registry. His head tells me something.” said Wilhelm.  

��Yes Sir!” responds the three officers before leaving. Wilhelm, Danny, Mattew et Melina were now alone in the room.

“You still here? You don't have to do anything else?” replied Wilhelm, looking at the trio.  

“Always so kind, we just gave you a boost in your investigation, I point out, you could be nicer at least.” said Mattew.

“You may have helped me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sympathize with snoops. Olsen is already lucky that I don't arrest him to be entering on private property because he took the right pictures. So now you can go and do your snoops somewhere else! I'll call you when I have news. Get out of the way!”

“Ok, ok, we leave. See ya later, inspector.” said Melina before leaving the police station with Danny and Mattew. Once outside, she couldn't help but grumble. " What a dirty jerk. We help him move forward in the investigation and he treats us like that? Frankly next time, he's going to get fucked.”

“Forget it. We did our part, now it's up to them to do theirs. Anyway, he has to work with us until the end, so we're going to have to be patient. He will be happy to have solved this murder, and we will be free to avoid him... until Ghostface's next murder.” respond Danny calmly, even if in his mind, he wanted to slice Wilhelm's jugular.

“Yes, you're right. So, what do we do? Are we investigating on our side? Or are we going back to the paper?”

“Wilhelm doesn't have us at the right side, if we start snooping around a little too much in his investigation, you can be sure he's going to put us in the most disgusting cells in the prison.” Said Mattew worried.  

“Mattew's right, we'd better not pissed off the inspector. Even if I feel like he doesn't need much at the base to piss him off. He said he'll let us know when he gets information, let's trust him, for once. I'm going home for my part. I need to work quietly right now.” Said Danny.  

“Say instead, you want to see your sleeping beauty. How's she doing? It’s said that she recruits employees.” ask Melina.  

“Yeah. I don't know what it turned out for; I don't think she's made up her mind yet. And then with Ghostface hanging around... she feels a little insecure. We plan to live together in the same apartment. Well, I'm on my way. Say hello to the boss for me! See you later!”

Danny got into his van and greeted his colleagues one last time. Once far enough away, a crooked smile appeared on his face. What a beautiful bunch of fools they all make. It's so easy to fool them... It becomes comical by force. They don't need much to believe anything. But as long as it served his interests... it doesn't mind him more than that.  

He went home to work calmly as he had said. He still has articles to write. It's hard to be a journalist and a murderer at the same time, it's a very busy schedule, on both sides. He put down his glasses and rubbed his eyes to wake up a little. He then went to his office to admire his hunting board. A big smile was on his face, watching all those people who fell under his blade... And it wasn't over. He did not forget those he had killed in all the other cities... he wondered if he was still wanted there. And he was already thinking about his future victims. The ones he'll kill when he lives in another city. With you.

What to do tonight? go see you for the umpteenth time? certainly. He is tempted to go to see Wilhelm, to finally confront for the first time, Ghostface and the inspector who is stalking him. That would be great! That would be a huge provocation from him! but... you have to be clear-headed. Throwing yourself into the wolf's mouth after all this work... would be a pity to be captured or killed, so foolishly in addition.

“Don't worry Wilhelm... soon we will meet you and me... Ghostface and you should I say. I can't wait to see that day come, just to see your reaction. I'm sure it will be memorable. For now... I'm going to focus on my plan, to make you go crazy. And also... focus on my beautiful angel.” Danny said looking at your picture.  

He knew how to play on both charts. Scare you and reassure you about himself at once... He didn't want a coward, but he still had to keep control of you, and if he has to scare you from time to time to remind you who's in charge... then he will. That won't change the fact that Jed will have to disappear. After all... it's just a name. A ridiculous character he invented to disguise himself in people's eyes. Danny Johnson is real compared to Jed. And you will have to accept it, one way or another.

He moved to his computer to work on his articles, which he was to return soon. He couldn't help but think about your idea of recruiting employees for your coffee. He didn't really like the idea, especially if there's a man among your future employees. He might be tempted to seduce you without worrying about the consequences. Let him try once... and he'll lose his hand. Or the leg. Or the head. It depends on Ghostface's level of anger.

He's going to have to watch your employees very closely. At least when you choose them. At the moment that’s not the case. Danny got up for coffee and went back to the office, taking a sip to keep writing. Occasionally he paused, to stretch a little and move, eat and take a shower to have a clear mind. When he writes, nothing can stop him. If he doesn't take a break himself to feed himself or whatever, he'd spend the whole day at his computer, typing his articles. He could have been an author, but he did not have the faith to write books that, over time, would lose meaning and logic, because of the stress and pressure that would set in and grow.

The last glimmers of the sun disappeared on the horizon, leaving the dark but starry sky of the night. Danny typed the last words of his article, before backing it up and getting up to stretch. Once again, he had done a good job. If Carla were still here... he was sure that she would have scolded him for having worked so much without resting. She used to do it when they were together in high school...  she would have done so even today. And you would have done the same if you'd been there.

Danny reread the message you sent him during the day, so adorable that it made him smile, a sweet and sincere smile. He grabbed his Ghostface outfit before putting it on, looked in the mirror and smiled, before putting on the mask and leaving out by the window, like he does every night. You were brushing your teeth when Danny came into your house. He walked discreetly to the bathroom and looked at you from the door. You're so adorable in these pyjamas.

“You're brushing your teeth with a child toothpaste? How cute. Just like this outfit for that matter. Do you want me to make you a pretty braid like little girls?” He said, laughing when he saw you spit out the water you had in your mouth by surprise.

“Hahaha... I didn't know you had such a great sense of humor. Given what happened last time it's hard to guess...” You said ironically, pushing him away to get out of the bathroom.  

“Oh, but I'm a very funny person when I want to. Hawn, are you still mad at me for that? But in what sense? Because I almost did it without your consent... Or because you wanted to and I held back?” he replied, smiling when he saw your angry face. “You don't have to give me that face, sweetheart. I'm not here to do it again, I told you: I'm going to make you languish. If I'm here, it's because I heard you were recruiting employees... I'm disappointed, I'd think you'd call on me.”

“Like I'm going to ask a lunatic like you. I want to keep my coffee shop open, not shut it up for murder. I guess you're proud of yourself right now, everyone's talking about your achievement on McKellan. You must have enjoyed slaughtering him like that.”

“Obviously! You should have seen that; he was screaming like a chicken and no one could hear him because this fool puts the music to an almost inhuman volume... It was perfect. I confess that to make deer antlers with his legs and arms, it took me a lot of patience and concentration but... The result is only magnificent. the inspector had to vomit his guts...”

“You're making me sick. Unfortunately for you, I don't plan on being alone for very long.” you replied with a smirk.

“Oh! Are you going to live with your little nerd? How cute. I feel sorry for you, he's just working, working and still working. While I... Well, I'd be more available.” Said Danny with a smirk.

“I fully respect his life choice. And I understand that. I would do anything to make sure he could work while taking care of himself. After what he's been through... he deserves to be looked after.”  

“Everyone's been through something tragic, sweetheart. I'm one of them. And I'm going to make everyone pay for it. Until my last breath. And if someone hurts you... So there... I can't guarantee I'll leave him in one piece. I know that one day... You'll call on me for that. Everyone has a dark side to the bottom of their heart; it only takes one click to bring it out. Even the most beautiful angel can't escape it. I'm going to let you sleep... You've had a rough day. As for me, I still have work to do. Goodbye, sweetheart. Have a beautiful dream.

Danny sent you a kiss before disappearing out by the window like every night. He knows that one day you will ask him to kill someone who will hurt you. Or at least you'll make him understand. And on that day, he will be like a knight obeying his queen. Patience and composure are necessary.  

It’s only a matter of time.

***

(This little stay at my friend's home made me feel good! I was able to clear my mind a little and now I'm on the attack for the next chapters to come! Don't hesitate to ask me questions or other, I'll be there to answer you! In the meantime, it's time for my brain to rest! Have a great weekend to you all! See ya!)

[padme-parker]

Collide / Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Chapter 5)

[a Star Wars x Avengers crossover]

Summary: Anakin realizes that he is falling for you, hard. He doesn’t want to hurt Padme, so instead, he distances himself from you.

Warnings: a couple of curse words, mentions of cheating, my writing

WC: 2.3k

A/N: Initially this was supposed to be ch 4.5 cause I started writing this when I was halfway thru with the original ch 5. but shit happens so here we are. p.s. I pulled this out of my ass so sorry if its bad.

read chapter 4 here

“took a minute, but I figured it out. The problem with me is you.” - Problem With You by Sabrina Claudio

You practically bolted out of the ship once Anakin landed it, not wanting to face the consequences of your actions. It was stupid really, pining after someone you couldn’t have. I shouldn’t have reciprocated his kiss. The thought of it alone was selfish, stealing away the husband and soon-to-be father from Padme. Your task was to save the universe, by any means necessary. Well, Fury did suggest that I get close to him. But he also said to not do anything to drastically change their timeline. But it just doesn’t make sense. How was I supposed to befriend him without changing the timeline? For all I know, my arrival here has already severely altered their timeline.

You went to your room while Obi wan and Yoda went to a meeting, Anakin was nowhere to be found. You sat yourself on the edge of your bed, hands roughly combing through your hair. All you wanted for Anakin was from him to be happy. Of course, you could accept the fact that maybe it wouldn’t have anything to do with you, if only that were true. In the short time you’ve been on Coruscant, you’ve noticed something change in him. But you didn’t know him, the real him. The only version of him that you knew was the one that existed on screen; The one who loved his wife so much, that he turned his back on the ones he loved the most to save her. Only to ultimately lead her to her demise.

The Anakin you were getting to know was different, in a good way, yet he was still so complicated. After training, you would eat together, whether it was in the cantina or at Dex’s, it was always the two of you. Some nights, he would come to your room to talk. And you let him. You let him rant about how unfair the council was, the pressure of being the chosen one- whatever he had to say, you listened to him. He did his best to express his emotions to you, but still got overwhelmed by them. At times, neither of you knew what to do. So you both sat in a comfortable silence, the mere presence of each other was enough for the both of you. Sometimes the two of you sat outside of the temple, watching the sunset as the nightlife emerged. Other times you would sit outside in the garden, meditating together. You’ve gotten to see the side of Anakin that no one really knew. Well besides Obi wan, Ahsoka, and Padme. You have yet to meet Padme., only hearing whispers of her from the other Jedi.

While you did train under Obi wan and Anakin, you rarely got to see Ahsoka. After coming to Coruscant, she became Plo Koon’s temporary padawan so that Anakin didn’t have to train the two of you at the same time. Although it wasn’t the same as completely leaving the Jedi Order, you could tell how much it affected Anakin. As you sat on your bed you couldn’t help the question that came to your mind. When it comes down to it, will I be the reason he falls?

-

Anakin is already in the room when you show up for training. There are no remarks or comebacks made as the two of you prep, just pure silence. Silence, was something that you hated. It was different from the sunset-watching silence you always shared. This was tense, heavy, and just straight up unbearable. Your movements were awkward as you took out your lightsaber and got into a fighting stance.

“So who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?” You said, breaking the silence, not realizing you had just quoted Poe.

Anakin glares at you before responding, “There’s nothing to talk about.” He ignites his lightsaber and stalks towards you.

“Oh come on, don’t pretend like yesterday didn’t happen.” You replied, gripping your lightsaber in both hands as you ignited it.

“I’d rather not think about it. Now be quiet and focus.” He said, swinging his saber only for you to block his attack. You complied and trained with him in silence, save for the occasional grunt that you let out.

As the minutes passed, you grew more tired as Anakin’s actions became assertive. He began swinging his saber more aggressively, the pace so fast you almost couldn’t keep up. He was going to back you into the corner if he didn’t stop.

“Anakin, stop!” You pleaded. Your words seemed to have no effect on him as he continued, his eyebrows scrunching together as he knocked your saber out of your hand. He raises his lightsaber, ready to strike you down. With no weapon in hand and no way out, you use the force to push him back.

“WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?” You screamed at him once he was a good feet away from you.

Anakin wanted to tell you the truth. That loving you was his problem. That with each passing day, the feelings he had felt so many years for Padme, had nearly diminished. With your arrival, it felt like he had been reborn. He began to see life in a new light, maybe even cherished it more. And deep down, he knew that you were always meant to be his, and he was always meant to be yours. At night he would lie awake thinking of you, of what your lives could’ve been like together. Oh, how he would curse and scream at the stars for this twisted fate. But Anakin knew that he couldn’t be with you, no matter how much he wanted you.

He hated himself for being unfaithful to Padme, and in return he directed his internalized anger towards you, the source of his problems.

“You. Are. My. Problem.” He said, accusingly pointing his finger at you whilst stepping closer with each word he said.

“ME? I’m your problem?”

“Yes, you!.” He replied, pausing while trying to think of something to say. “I know what you’re trying to do, and it isn’t going to work. You’re trying to stray me away from my path. I will not indulge in your activities. I am loyal to the Jedi Order and my duties.” Anakin felt bad, he truly did. He didn’t want to lead you on, but it seemed like it was already too late.

“You're the one who kissed me!” How ironic, he’s only loyal to the Jedi, but apparently not to his wife.

“Because you seduced me!” He countered.

“I did no such thing.” You replied. “It wasn’t my fault that you saw me swinging my saber and got turned on. That’s on you Anakin. Also, if you have so many problems with training me, why don’t you ask the Council to swap you out for someone else?”

He opens his mouth, as if he’s going to reply, but it quickly shuts.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” You pick up your saber and exit the training room.

Now alone, he lays on the floor, with his limbs sprawled out while mindlessly staring at the ceiling. He knows that he’s just ruined every chance, no matter how small or big, of being with you in the future. Anakin could only beg the makers that one day, some very distant day, or possibly in another life, that the two of you would’ve been together.

-

You waste no time calling Fury when you return to your room. The device takes a while trying to connect with FRIDAY back on Earth, but she alerts Fury, along with Tony and Peter, that they had an incoming call from you.

Three faces pop up onto the hologram, Peter was basically screaming at you. You quickly greeted him back before telling them what just happened, or well the shortened version of what happened.

“I fucked up.”

“What do you mean fucked up?” Tony asks.

“Okay, so Fury, you know how like you told me to get close to Anakin-- but not really that close. Just close enough so that he could y’know, slaughter his fellow Jedi and the younglings but not me. And then he would eventually become big bad Daddy- oops hehe, sorry I meant Darth. Darth Vader. And kill all of these people with his extremely cool but extremely dangerous weapon. But not close enough that it would alter their timeline. Which doesn’t really make sense if you think about it. Like how do I get close to him without getting close to him, y’know? Also how am I supposed to know where Thanos-'' Your rambling gets cut off by Fury.

“Get to the point.” He says.

“Right…. so…. like I said, I did something and I fucked up. He basically wants nothing to do with me now.” You replied.

“I don’t care. Do whatever you need to do to get back on his good side. Use one of those mind tricks you learned if you need to.”

“Those won’t work on him.” You sighed, your body hunched over as you tried to think of possible solutions.

“Then do what you need to, or else I’ll be forced to take you off the mission. I don’t want to repeat myself again” Fury hands the device to Tony, “I’ll give you some time to speak with her. But I expect a plan the next time you call.” He says before leaving the room.

“So, how’s life over there treating you, Star?” Tony asks. “What happened between you and.. what do you call him? Flyguy? No, umm-”

“Listen, I don’t really want to talk about it. But besides that, it’s been okay. Not really different from back home. I wake up, eat, train, eat, explore, eat again, then go to sleep. Basically the same routine. The food here is alright, nothing compared to what I was eating back at home. But I’m grateful that they're giving me food and shelter.” The rest of your night was filled with chatter and laughter, the previous events from the grueling day slowly drifting away from your mind.

-

It’s been two weeks since Anakin had confronted you, and almost nothing had changed. Well except for those couple of days where you thought he had taken up on your suggestion, only for him to show up for a day of training then leave again. The first day he was gone, you thought nothing of it. Only that he might’ve needed some space. But another day passed and there was still no contact from him. Of course you could’ve taken this issue up to the Jedi Council, but what were they going to do? Offer to switch out Anakin for a Jedi Master? No, you wouldn't allow that to happen. Instead you tried to reach out to him using the bond you two shared, only to find yourself blocked off from the connection.

Without Anakin by your side, it felt as though you became vulnerable to your emotions and the dark side. More specifically, you could feel someone lingering in your head. It certainly wasn’t Anakin. This person, the force around them was dark. They commanded respect, power, and fear. The day they intruded your head was the very day you began having nightmares.

Your body was sprawled on the ground, as if someone had pushed you back. The ground is hardened, it makes you let out a groan. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you noticed the two figures in the distance. You could only see them below their collarbones, their faces were blurred.

One of them wore a dark robe while the other was wearing ordinary civilian clothing. It seemed like the two of them were arguing, particularly, they were arguing about you.

“You will not take her from me!” The man in the robe declared.

“She was never yours.” The other man calmly replied, his hands held up showing he did not want to fight, hoping the robed man would comply. He doesn’t, instead he stretches out his hand, using the force to bring the man into his grasp. He turns around the civilian, so that they are both facing you, and forces him to his knees.

“If I can’t have her, then you can’t either.” It was like time began to slow as he said those words. You could hear yourself sharply intake air as the man takes out his saber. All life around you goes to a standstill as you see a red light illuminate your surroundings, a blade protruding from the man's lower stomach. The sound of your own blood pumping is loud, but not as loud as the gasps emitting from the wounded man.

“KAZ!” You screamed, calling out for the man. It was then you realized that this person wasn’t you. You certainly didn’t know anyone with that name. Or perhaps this was someone you had yet to meet.

The robed figure retracts his saber, Kaz’s body falling in front of him. If you acted quickly, you could retrieve his body and save him.

“You see, Kaz. My intention from the beginning was to kill you. However, I think I’d like to watch you suffer instead.” That voice, it sounded so familiar, yet you couldn’t place your finger on who it was.

“What do you mean?” Kaz uttered weakly.

The man gave no response, only a glance towards Kaz before he began making his way towards you.

“No, stay away from her!” He pleaded.

The glow of his red saber became more clear then closer he got to you. The last thing you see is his saber coming your way before everything fades to black.

That night, you woke up drenched in sweat and panting as if you had just ran a marathon. If there was one thing that you understood, it was the fact that the force didn’t want you here. Your destiny was supposed to be fulfilled on Earth. Only time could tell you the consequences for trying to interfere. But you didn’t care, you were going to do whatever you could to save your friends.

Read chapter 6 here

~~~~~~

tags are open :P

[killscreencinema]

Final Fantasy VII Remake (PS4)

We all have a precious work of art in our lives that made a profound impact on who we eventually grew up to be, whether it be an album, a painting, a movie, or especially nowadays, a video game.  Final Fantasy VII was that for me, and when it came out in 1997, it would go on to define my high school years.

Which would go a long way towards explaining why I never got laid during those said years.  Le sigh....

All kidding aside, I never got laid in high school mostly because I was a mess when it came to the social scene.  I had trouble connecting with others and taking what I perceived to be “big risks” like going to parties, joining after school clubs, or -GULP- asking out a girl I liked!  I was very withdrawn socially, but I did have friends, and one of them, whom I’d consider my best friend, managed to get his hands on the original Final Fantasy VII before I even owned a PlayStation (I had foolishly bought a Nintendo 64, believing the next Final Fantasy was going to be released on that). 

My friend and I were already very close, but we bonded even more as we experienced this new adventure together.  He had his own save file that he was pecking away at, but he created a new one for us both to play whenever I’d spend the night or vice versa.  The both of us were completely immersed in this world and these characters.  It was one of a few positive experiences I can remember from my high school years.

The reason for this preamble is to make you understand how much this game means to me on an emotional level.  So when the remake was announced years ago, I was extremely apprehensive.  First of all, Square Enix is a pale shadow of its former glory as Squaresoft.  Final Fantasy XIII was a goddamn mess and Final Fantasy XV was a step in the right direction, but hardly the stuff of legends like its PSone and SNES predecessors.  The Kingdom Hearts games... well, I’ll eventually talk about the rest of those in my blog.  Suffice it to say, I had completely lost faith in Square Enix as a company, whereas there was a day I’d play ANYTHING they released because I knew it would be quality.

So lets get to point - did they fuck up Final Fantasy VII Remake as well or is it an absolute masterpiece? 

Well... that’s kind of a hard question to answer right now as this is only “Part 1″ of what I assume will be a trilogy of releases that comprise the actual FULL game.  However, judging this game alone, I’m going to lean towards masterpiece... with huge “but”.  I’ll talk more about that below and warn of spoilers before I get to it.

Make no mistake about it, though, Final Fantasy VII Remake (part 1) is a goddamn masterpiece.  The care put into the game by the development team is evident from top-to-bottom, with even the most minute details from the original faithfully adapted.  However, this isn’t a strict beat-for-beat retread of FFVII, nor did I expect it to be.  While the game follows the basic story almost exactly, some tweaks have been made here or there to better pad out both the gameplay and the story as a whole.  I had no issue with any of these changes, until the final chapter revealed the implications of them, which I guess I’ll discuss next to get it off my chest...

SPOILERS

During the last chapter, your party is confronted by Sephiroth outside of Midgar, who then goads you into entering the “Singularity”, where you finally fight the ghostly “Whispers” who have been stalking you throughout the whole game.  These Whispers are a significant part of the new story “tweaks” that have been added, which I found annoying at first, but didn’t really mind so much as the story went on until now, because it is revealed that they are “arbiters of destiny”, whose jobs are to ensure fate plays out like its supposed to.  During your fight with them at the end of the game, after defeating each Whisper boss, the characters experience “flash forwards” to important story points in the future, such as Aerith’s death and the summoning of meteor, implying that they have more or less nullified these events now as a result of defeating “destiny”... I think.  Part of my problem with this portion of the game is Square Enix’s current “naval gazey, head-up-their-asses” story telling style is in full effect here, and I began to get Vietnam flashbacks to the completely incoherent plot of Final Fantasy XIII. 

Square Enix, it’s so simple - part of why Final Fantasy VII endures is because it’s a great story ALREADY.  By all means, give it a tweak here and there to give the characters more depth or make the story more dramatically impactful, but for the love of Jenova, please don’t tell me it’s going to turn into a philosophical shit show about the nature of destiny and fighting fate.  More importantly, Square Enix, please don’t tell me you are going to change CRITICAL plot points for shits n’ giggles or to “swerve” the audience.

For one, Aerith has to die. I love Aerith, especially his incarnation of Aerith in the Remake.  She’s so sweet and yet has a delightfully mischievous personality.  She’s absolutely perfect.  But the reason why her death still haunts fans of the game to this day is because THAT was the point in the story when shit got REAL.  The stakes were raised and Sephiroth cements himself as an evil son-of-a-bitch that must be stopped.  He doesn’t kill her just to be evil either - he kills her because she’s actively trying to foil his plans by using her white materia.  However, unbeknownst to Sephiroth, her death is what ultimately triggers the white materia to work when it needs to most.  It’s kind of like how Obi-Wan Kenobit warns Darth Vader “If you strike me down, I’ll become more powerful than you an imagine”, but in this instance it actually makes sense.

So that has to happen.  It can’t be Tifa, or Yuffie, or Cid, or Marlene, or some other swervy “gotcha” bullshit - it has to be Aerith. 

Secondly, Sephiroth must successfully summon the meteor - it’s in the fucking logo for crying out loud!  I can’t imagine what “imminent threat” for the whole world they could do instead.  Fat Chocobo gains a massive amount of weight and jumps on Midgar?  It’s baffling to imagine the developers would even *flirt* with the idea of changing these important story elements of the game, so hopefully we’ve all just hysterically misinterpreted the meaning of the last chapter.

Oh, one more thing - the final boss fight with Sephiroth was dumb too, if only because it cheapens the eventual actual final boss fight with him at the end of the game.  I liked how in the original he was basically a phantom that kept evading your party, leaving behind Jenova pieces for you to fight instead.  It’s like how in wrestling, a heel character talks tough, but then runs away when the “baby face” comes out to confront him.  Fighting Sephiroth now, not to mention beating him, kind of makes him look weak sauce.  Ohh legendary SOLDIER, my ass - I beat him at the beginning of the whole story.  To borrow from Star Wars again, it would be like Luke fighting Darth Vader in A New Hope and kicking his ass immediately.  Vader sure wouldn’t seem like much of a threat after that.

Anyway..

SPOILERS OVER

God, sorry, this review is out of control and much too long, but I have a lot to say!

Okay, so my worries above aside, the game itself is very well done.  The graphics are beautiful, despite the environment being a constant barrage of grey, industrial imagery (hey, that’s Midgar for ya).  They find ways to change things up visually, depending on what part of Midgar you’re in, such as Sector 5 having more greenery than usual (cause, you know, it’s Aerith’s home, so that makes sense!).  Wall Market, the “red light district” of Midgar, is a treat for the senses, especially at night, what with all the lights and the music playing everywhere.  It really feels like a lively, party town. 

One major change that had me, and probably a lot of FFVII purists, concerned is the combat system.  Gone is the turn based combat of old, replaced now with a more fast paced hack-n-slash style reminiscent of a From Software game than Final Fantasy (though not even as remotely as sophisticated).  However, I enjoyed the change, as this makes the battles much more engaging and fun, as opposed to the tedium that can come with turn-based combat, not to mention random encounters.  You can still use magic, items, and Limit Breaks like in the old days, so it still feels like the original, but with tweaks that make it better.

And you know, that pretty much sums up my super long review nicely - the game feels like the original but with tweaks that make it better.  Even the soundtrack is improved, which is a feat I didn’t think possible considering the original FFVII’s soundtrack is some of the best video game movie ever composed.  The Remake does a superb job of weaving in certain themes and remixing themes at appropriate points in the story.  “Aerith’s Theme” is more tear jerking than ever, while “One Chosen by the Planet” (otherwise known as Sephiroth’s theme) is even more chilling and fearsome than ever before. 

So overall, I fucking loved this game.  I rarely get emotional while playing video games, unless you consider cursing and screaming “emotional”, but damned if this one didn’t constantly give me warm and fuzzy feelings (especially whenever Tifa was onscreen - *growl*).  I’m eager to play the next part and explore more of this “new” world, despite my concern it might be “too new” in the worst ways.

[pynkhues]

Have you already analyzed the possessiveness between Beth seeing Rio with Dylan and Rio seeing Beth with Dean in the pills episode.

I have here and there, anon, but it was a long time ago, and I’ve had a few asks along this line recently, and about possessiveness and jealousy more broadly, so hey, I hope you don’t mind me answering all of them here! :-) 

It’s interesting to talk about possessiveness in the context of this show generally, because I think the only characters who consistently demonstrate possessive behaviour and ownership over another character are Dean and, funnily enough, Annie, and that possessiveness / sense of ownership is generally exercised over Beth (and actually in both Dean and Annie’s cases, their respective kids). I think Beth as a result is somebody who’s very used to having people who feel like they’re owed her time, attention and her care, and the long history of those relationships have sort of groomed her into generally fairly one-sided relationships. In a lot of ways, it’s sort of made her a passive and reactionary participant in those relationships, which is why I think there is so much significance with Rio both encouraging and rewarding her proaction, and constantly wanting her to take the lead in their romantic / sexual encounters. 

On the whole, it’s hard to talk about whether or not Rio is somebody who is possessive, simply because we don’t see him enough to know. That said, we do know that he’s possessive over his money and his business, and I think that can bleed over into other areas. One of the things the show has touched on a few times now is that Rio’s money is always his money, even when he’s shared it with someone, someone’s been paid with it, or lost it. Putting aside the times the girls outright robbed him and the failed Canada trip in 2.10, I tend to come back to two moments. 

The first is the shutdown in S1 when Rio takes all his cash back from Beth’s house. When she confronts him in the cafe about it, she says some of it was their cut, and Rio replies that it’s his, and if he has closing costs, everyone feels the pain. The implication there is that the girls had already washed at least some, if not all of that money, and he forefeited their cut because it was all his. Earning that money doesn’t make it Beth, Annie’s and Ruby’s. Rather, it’s all his cash that he’s allowing them to have until he needs it again.  

The second is when he gives the keys to the kingdom to Beth, and a lot of money, only to promptly reclaim not only the money, but a stake in her new business when the mood strikes him. Again - the money was always his - he was just giving her access long enough to see what she’d do with it, and when she did something he liked, he decided that at least a part of that belonged to him too. 

The second is ultimately tied of course to Beth and Rio having sex, and culminating in Rio taking the crowbar to Dean’s corvette and strongarming Beth back into a professional relationship with him. 

These scenes lay a fair bit of groundwork as far as 2.06 is concerned in terms of setting up how Beth is basically returning the favour - she is Rio with the crowbar in that episode, prying his money (and his business) from his hands, and given the context of the episodes before it, I think it marks a realisation point for Rio in that Beth is basically at the centre of a Venn diagram for him - she’s money/business, she’s sex, and she’s something personal beyond that, and I think it’s that combination of factors that he’s unused to and likely triggers something in him that identifies her as his. 

She’s not just someone he works with, or fucks, or likes - she’s all of it. 

I don’t think Rio is somebody who’s used to playing second fiddle, or being ignored either, and I think Beth’s reluctance around acknowledging that anything happened between them - that she is at that centre of his Venn diagram, just like he’s at the centre of hers, makes him furious, and a degree of possessiveness flows off that. I don’t think Rio’s somebody who shares well at the best of times, but having somebody who touches so many parts of his life - and appeals to him really in such different ways - being married to somebody at all, let alone someone Rio clearly holds in such disdain, probably strikes a very tight cord.

Beth on the other hand is almost the total opposite - she’s used to being wanted (particularly by Dean and Annie), but not seen. She is exploding out of a neglectful childhood, a neglectful, toxic marriage - and if Dean isn’t the only relationship she’s ever had, he’s at the very most one of a handful, and given the flashback in 2.08, I’m inclined to think one of two or three at most - she’s not used to intimacy, she’s not used to dating, and despite everything with Dean, she’s not used to sharing in a relationship sense (I say that because Beth only found out about Dean’s cheating after they’d stopped being intimate). 

I think she wants Rio so much, but doesn’t have the tools to even begin to unpack that, so instead alternates between freezing up, robbing him, trying to impress him, outright seducing him, and just generally trying to grab and keep his attention and then shying away from the intensity of it.

Seeing Rio with Dylan I think, more than anything, embarrassed her. Beth is such a proud, image-focused person, and we know how private she is about anything intimate / relationship-y too. The fact that Annie and Ruby were in the car with her when she realised Rio was still relatively intimate with other women must’ve killed her. 

I actually don’t think Beth is a particularly possessive person - I don’t think she’s ever had enough in her life to truly feel possessive of people or things - but I think she does feel possessive of the way Rio treats her because - like I said above - he sees her. He uplifts her. He always wants her and he always wants her to want him in equal measure. I think the thought of Rio being that way with other women hurts on its own, and I think it probably hurts even more with all of her Dean-shaped baggage.

I think she left that parking lot and thought about that Venn diagram between them - the work / sex / personal one, and saw work - probably because it was easiest emotionally, but also because she knew he wouldn’t ignore it. He takes work and money too seriously for that, and she was right.

One of the other things I come back to a bit too is how immensely private Beth is about her relationship with Rio, and how much she has been since the start. God, they’ve been meeting on their own since 1.02 when Rio showed up and helped Kenny with his homework. Even after that, Beth didn’t tell Annie or Ruby about leaving him her pearls or asking for more work, or really anything subsequently. I think certainly a part of that is that Beth doesn’t want to be talked out of anything or shamed for anything, but I also think she’s drawn to Rio and is protective of what that connection is.

We haven’t seen Beth share anything about her relationship with Rio with any character - not Ruby or Annie or Dean or even Turner, despite them pressing her for information (with varied motivations, of course). 

In fact, I think it’s interesting to note that the two times Beth has been forthcoming about her relationship with Rio with outsiders have both been deliberately about underselling it with the ultimate purpose of either manipulating or hurting someone - firstly with Turner when she told him the fake story of how she and Rio met, and secondly with Dean when she said she liked having sex with him. She’s protective of it, which I think is, actually, pretty possessive too. 

The two of them would probably live in their own little bubble together if they could. Which would be a hilarious disaster because they are hilarious disasters, haha.

[cryptovalid]

The Rise of Skywalker is Bad, but I was wrong to expect any better (and it’s not as bad as I expected, either)

If the title did not give it away, I’m conflicted about Star Wars Episode IX: the Rise of Skywalker. I just saw it in theatres, and I thought it was bad, but I can’t muster up any scorn or outrage. It’s just like the popcorn I ate: bland and forgettable, and somewhat stale. I guess it helps I was never a huge Star Wars fan at any time. I’ve seen every movie in the series, except for Solo. but I’ve not seen any of them more than once or twice. In short, I’ve always thought of Star Wars as Fine, but also massively overrated. I believe the interesting concepts in A New Hope and the Empire Strikes Back were squandered by first George Lucas, and then J.J. Abrams.

 I can’t say that Rian Johnson’s The Last Jedi was my favorite Star Wars movie, but it was without a doubt the least compromised of all the other entries. It had something to say whether fans liked it or not. It wasn’t meandering, self-indulgent and uncanny like Lucas’ prequels, and did not take the original trilogy as unassailable gospel the way JJ Abrams does. I did not like the pacing or how Poe and Finn’s characters seemed less central to the story, but I understand why Rian Johnson focused on Rey’s interactions with Luke. The message of the Last Jedi was bold and challenging for fans: the Force is for Everyone and fans are wrong to obsess over the royalist eugenics and power fantasies in the original trilogy. Johnson wanted to focus on some of the more challenging aspects of war: loss, betrayal, and failure. Not everyone liked that, but for all that it did to sideline my favorite new characters, Finn and Poe, that was a daring and worthwhile statement to make.  

That said, I expected Disney to fully backtrack, given the way TLJ was received. So expectations were not high. Watching RoS is a strange experience. It’s kind of fun but also profoundly unoriginal and hackneyed. But given how similar it is to the Original Trilogy, it just made me realize that Star Wars was never as good as I imagined it was (or could be?). For Rise of Skywalker to be actually great, it would have to Rise (pardon the pun) above its predecessors. Which obviously it didn’t.  

 From here on there be Spoilers for SWIX: ROS

Let’s talk nuts and bolts. This movie is a random remix  of setpieces and McGuffins, artificially raised stakes and callbacks and hommages to the Orginal Trilogy. There’s a thing the heroes need to find the resurrected Emperor, and 80% of the movies is just a huge wild goose chase that also involves Kyle Ron stalking Rey to convince her to rule to galaxy with him. Then there’s a bunch of Death Stars and  confrontation with the Emperor. It’s all quite well paced, shot and scored, and even though I am highly critical of both the stilted dialogue and the uninspired plotting, the film is at least entertaining to watch. It is frequently funny and tense, sometimes unintentionally. And this, looking back, is really all that Star Wars can really claim to be. It’s an all-ages action comedy about war with some fantasy and sci fi for flavor and that’s really all that Star Wars has ever been.   

I had an epiphany as I watched Kyle Ron’s redemption and the messages around the Dark and Light Side. I was first struck by the fact that they are really the same story beats as the original trilogy, with some details changed that merely made it more obvious how hypocritical, lazy and thematically inconsistent these ideas have been from the beginning. Redeeming Darth Vader was always a cheap copout. He is a mass-murderer whose last action is sacrificing his life to kill the Emperor. He never really reckons with his many, many crimes. 

It becomes slightly grosser when Kyle Ron has one warm moment with his mom before she dies, a near-death experience and a peptalk from the dad he murdered, murders a bunch of goons, and sacrifices himself to save Rey’s life. For this, Rey immediately not only forgives him for the mass kidnappings, genocide, torture and the many times he threatened, gaslit and assaulted her, but immediately kisses him. It’s such a gendered framing of redemption that basically reproduces the views that narcissists and abusers have about relationships: that you can treat others like literal dogshit and redeem yourself with a single grand gesture of self-sacrifice. I’ve talked about the Martyr Dad before on this account, but making it a romantic thing is so much worse. This is the cycle of abuse to a T.

In terms of the Light Side Versus the Dark Side, Star wars has always wanted its cake and to eat it too. On the one hand, it wants to suggest that the Light Side is a fundamentally morally opposed way of living focused on ‘Knowledge and Defense‘, that striking a Sith down in Anger is something the Light Side can not abide, but in the end, the Light Side always wins because the Sith are violently killed. It always feels like a convenient loophole that Darth Vader throws the Emperor into a nearby pit so that Luke doesn’t need to get his hands dirty. All the more so when the resurrected Emperor literally has his own Force Lightning reflected into his face by Rey’s dual wielding two Skywalker Lightsabers+3. It’s cheap. It’s moral sofistry with the gratification of a power fantasy.

You might have noticed I’ve said nothing about my soft boys, Poe and Finn, or Rose Tycho for that matter. That’s because they’re not important to the overarching story. They could easily have been cut from the film without significantly altering the story. They pad the runtime. They’re charming and funny as always and the writers give them stuff to do in every act, but it’s not the A-plot. The story is partially about Kyle Ron having an admittedly well-acted but very hackneyed redemption arc that is sure to please fans of the character but doesn’t involve in any sense an understanding that he has hurt billions of people. His redemption is exclusively about his parents, who are the only people he’s hurt that are worth mentioning in this context. The other part is the revelation that Rey does have a special lineage: she’s Palpatine’s granddaughter. This is why she’s powerful and also why she’s tempted by the dark side. 

If the message of TLJ was ‘we’re all equals in the eyes of the force‘, ROS is basically a massive apology for even entertaining that idea, and reaffirms that all the important characters are related by blood to characters from the original trilogy and all the rest are also there, I guess. If you’ve ever thought that you could be as strong in the force as Luke or Kylo or Rey, you are a fool. After all, your parents weren’t Force Royalty. You thought a person of color or a non-force user could be the key to defeating fascism? You thought main characters could be anything other than straight? Utter simpleton, you. You thought redeeming yourself from mass-murder was difficult, or that the Jedi were flawed just like every other organisation? Nah mate, the bad guys wear black robes and we totally fucked them up with laser swords and heavy ordinance. 

Don’t worry, white hetero superfan looking for a power fantasy that doesn’t challenge your beliefs or moral superiority. Your priorities and fixations are our script editor. We’re sorry, Disney appears to say with this movie, that we would ever suggest there was anything more to Star Wars as a franchise. We promise, she may be a girl, but in all other respects, she’s just like Luke now. Except this time, Luke is hot and totally into your edgy dark side.

Ok, I’m sorry, that’s just the bitter shipper in me. Finn deserved better. He deserved to be a main character. A love interest. His redemption was never fully framed as such, nor did he ever really get credit for being a consistently supportive, relatable, honorable character with the scintillating charisma of John Boyega. Despite being literally raised as a child soldier, he was never seen as a good example of redemption and somehow, he was not considered a main character. This is, I believe, the greatest waste of this trilogy.

Fuck the idea of a Dynasty of the Force. Fuck Eugenics. Fuck this idea that your birth is what makes you powerful. It is weak. It is lazy. It is boring. 

I had such high hopes after Episode VII, despite it being derivative. It appeared in that moment that Finn could be love interest for both Rey and Poe. Perhaps even at the same time! I imagined the climax of this trilogy would be all about Finn growing from a deserter unsure that he could ever make a difference, to becoming a true hero. I imagined the heroes facing the First Order in their darkest hour, when all is lost. I imagined them being rescued by defecting Stormtroopers, painting their helmets with three vertical red stripes in honour of the First Traitor. I imagined my boy Finn leading a legion of traitors, proving that all it takes to defeat fascism is to reject it and inspire others to do the same. 

But of course, that hope was foolish. I shouldn’t have expected good storytelling from a series that pays lip service to non-violence and redemption while handling both as cheap, esthetic elements rather than actual narrative commitments.

[veliseraptor]

the endgame reaction post

I know you’ve all been waiting for it. It’s 3:30 am right now so this may not be totally coherent and I’m almost certainly going to forget things, but here goes.

HERE BE SPOILERS. LIKE, PLENTY O SPOILERS.

I went into this movie with one main question and that was “is Marvel going to stick the landing on what they did in Infinity War?” my answer?

sort of. I...didn’t dislike it? I liked parts of it a lot. but mostly my reaction, frustratingly enough, is kind of a “shrug, with a few ‘into it’ and a handful of ‘oh no thanks.’ I cried a couple different times but overall my emotional response is very...muted. 

this could be a function of my being depressed right now, but I also think it’s because this movie...just didn’t hit the right notes, for me. it did a lot of things right, technically, and it had a lot of character moments, but it felt...I don’t know, something indefinable was missing for me. 

I’m going to try to unpack that later, but let’s break things down a little.

the good

NEBULA, oh my god, Nebula in this movie was fantastic. her moments with her younger self (I’m always going to be here for older/younger self confrontations with characters with her specific brand of issues) especially, but also...in general, I felt like this movie did very well by her. and ohhhh god “you can change” “he won’t let me” my feelings. 

i’m gay for Carol’s new hair and that’s that.

WAS THAT A FUCKING FLYING HORSE? WHERE DID VAL GET A FLYING HORSE. IS THERE A FLYING HORSE FARM IN NEW ASGARD

Thor and Frigga’s conversation. I...did not like almost anything else having to do with Thor in this movie (more on that later, and I know everyone and their mother has already written about this), but that conversation was...so lovely, and I’m glad Frigga got that after her fridging in The Dark World, and the “I was raised by witches” line obscurely delighted me.

this is the SECOND time we’ve seen Loki transforming into Steve onscreen and I’m just saying that Loki being obsessed with Steve? #confirmed

also, Loki taking advantage of chaos to bolt with the Tesseract is golden and while it is seriously unclear what happened to the timelines altered by intervention (more on this later too) I’m going to assume that this means there is at least one Loki out there having the time of his goddamn life

more on this later, but there were some great Natasha moments in this movie as far as character work, and I am still very into her “five years later” hair. also lots of good Clint and Natasha stuff like we haven’t seen since the first Avengers movie, so that was nice. (the arrow necklace!!)

while I have caveats about it, the ending they gave Steve was pretty much what I was expecting and the best I could hope for, so I think that’s a solid “good”

I have absolutely no caveats about Steve giving Sam the shield, and everything about that scene passing it on was delightful, and Steve and Peggy dancing made me cry, so there’s that. 

STEVE’S WORTHY CAUSE OF COURSE HE IS

the whole concept of a time heist is super neat.

SO WE ALL SAW THAT A-FORCE TEAM SHOT, RIGHT? THAT’S SETTING US UP FOR AN A-FORCE TEAM, RIGHT?

wanda fucking wrecking thanos yes girl

the bad

the big obvious one first: the stuff with Thor. as a whole bunch of people have explained: it’s not the weight gain, it’s how his character change after the five year jump is treated. it’s the fact that roughly 75% of the character beats for him in this movie are weighted for humor, that even the emotional moment with Frigga is undermined by the “eat a salad” line, that while he gets moments with his grief they tend to be undercut for a laugh. 

also the fact that he...doesn’t get anything back? I mean, while it’s true of Bruce to a certain extent, and obviously Natasha, Thor really doesn’t have any of his losses ameliorated. Tony gets Peter back, Steve gets his life with Peggy, and Thor...? I just...it feels like his character arc in this movie wasn’t, and I’m severely uncomfortable with how much of a fatphobic undercurrent (overcurrent?) it felt like there was in his scenes.

and while I love the idea of Queen Valkyrie, it doesn’t really feel earned, and feels like it shackles her to a role where she doesn’t really fit.

the final battle felt...tacked on. it felt like there was a feeling that “oh, we need an epic battle where there’s a whole army on both sides” and I...didn’t need that? it felt like a Lord of the Rings battle in my superhero movie and something about it felt very...mmm weird. I mean, I’m almost never one for Big Final Battles With Armies (with the major exception of the ones in Lord of the Rings) and it didn’t work for me here. 

though I did enjoy “keep away with the Infinity Gauntlet”, that was a fun game.

Gamora and Nebula should have been given the chance to face Thanos again together at the very least, and preferably strike the killing blow. The fact that that was given to Tony...annoys me. I mean, I can see why they did it - they needed him to have a big hero moment for his big hero sacrifice, and it was emotionally effective (I assume, if you weren’t me), but...that victory should have belonged more principally to those two, and I’m disappointed that it didn’t.

so I guess all that “foreshadowing” in Loki’s death scene was...nothing? that was just...what it looked like? I mean okay I’m not surprised but I am disappointed

the ugly

SOMEONE DATE THOSE CARS IN THE END SCENE WITH STEVE AND PEGGY, HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK, so, like, is that an alternate timeline? did Steve live a seriously down low undercover life with Peggy and that’s why it never came up that oh yeah, she was married to someone who looked exactly like Steve Rogers? how does this fit in with the Winter Soldier!Peggy? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

basically this movie did the time travel stuff but didn’t really think all of the time travel stuff through as much as it needed to, imo. time travel plots are hard, and messy, and very quickly get confusing, and this was definitely one where they were doing some “don’t look too close!” prestidigitation to keep the holes from showing.

but I’m thinking about it and the holes are showing and I want to know how this works, are the Disney+ shows going to be alternate timelines? I assume because Vision’s going to be in one? and if Sam’s still Falcon then he’s probably not Cap in that one? BUT I DON’T KNOW it’s all very confusing.

Natasha...Natasha. I was spoiled for her dying, though I didn’t know the circumstances, and I...gah. I wrote in my notes on my phone “I wanted Clintasha BUT NOT LIKE THAT” and that’s...kind of how I feel about it? I honestly thought she was safe, is the thing. of all the characters I was worried about, she wasn’t one of them. but in retrospect...I really should’ve been. if they’re trying to shuffle the original six out of the line up then...but I felt like “surely they won’t kill their only original female Avenger, surely the optics of that...” but no, nope.

and while she wasn’t fridged per se it did feel like a lot of the energy of her death went toward providing five male characters with angst, which... [squints]

...and now I’m thinking more and if it’s been five years then all of Peter’s friends should have graduated high school. or were they not going to high school? was school suspended for five years because of the apocalypse? are we going to get fallout from this in Far From Home? 

I’M TELLING YOU THERE IS SO MUCH HERE THAT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE maybe it will moving forward but...I really don’t get how they’re going to sustain this five year jump forward timeline...

GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT

basically I think what I’m coming out of this movie with is “end of an era and that makes me emotional, also there is some stuff here I like but mostly....eh” and honestly I think I’m okay with that being where I land. 

I said last year that I was going to hold off on my final verdict for Infinity War until I saw Endgame, because it seemed like they were, whatever they’d said, setting up a two movie arc. I thought there was some possibility that what they did in this movie might “save” Infinity War for me, or make me think it was worth it. 

part of the reason I don’t feel like I can say Marvel did really stick the landing here is because it didn’t. they stuck a landing. they had, like I said, a lot of the pieces in the right place. 

but I’m still feeling vaguely dissatisfied. 

[celestialholz]

Star Trek: Picard. MON CAPITAINE, HE’S BAAAACK. <3

Well, I am a British idiot without a decent proxy, but it’s Friday and therefore Captain Picard Day officially for my good self, so... about time we got with the damn times and DID SOME REVIEWIN’, mes amis. Spoilers abound, naturally. I’m going blow-by-blow, but also elaborating on some lovely things here and there. Jean-Luc Picard means a lot to me personally, I write about him a lot for those who may not know me, and I’ve been SO excited for this - but does it measure up? Spoiler warning: oh yeah. Hellllll yeah.

Warning: Many crudely-drawn hearts incoming. None of them are mechanical, sadly.

- Okay, first thing: this show is GORGEOUS. Oh my god, seriously. CBS knew they were running a potential gold mine here and spent the damn money to prove it. That sweeping into the Enterprise? The credits? Boston? Jesus, my eyes haven’t been treated so well since Avengers: Endgame. It’s a damn Michelin-starred FEAST. It strikes precisely the right balance of feeling gloriously alive and futuristic whilst having the vineyard be oh-so-current, and thus retro for the era. 1701 out of ten, boys. <3

- Data. Picard. Poker. My soul aches. This immediate rich banter is just... *pinch emoji* Ten Forward, man. TEN FORWARD.

- Give me the dog. Just give me him. I love Will, super stoked to see him again, but THIS is my new Number One. Shaped like a goddamn friend.

- Boston, huh? Jesus. Immediate action, immediate knowledge without any knowledge at all of who this chick is. Great writing. <3

- Credits! Already said they’re visually lovely, but the music is also surprisingly effective. Has this contrast of giving us quaint vibes mixed with 24th century tech; the real message of this show, laid out right there.

- Romulans! In the vineyard! Picard said alien rights! Love him. <3 This whole thing feels so very him - he can’t ever quite be stagnant, even back home. He’s out here being forward-thinking and socially progressive as fuck.

- He has a found family again. Of course he does. God, you can truly tell Patrick Stewart exec-produced this. <3

- Decaf earl grey. “You’re getting old, Johnny.” (Don’t drink decaf earl grey if you can help it, guys. It’s fucking terrible. I’m sure he knows this. Bless him.)

- Journalist? She’s going to be an arse, isn’t she?

- ... Oh yeah. And a prejudiced one, too! Lovely. /end British sarcasm I love that layering of this against “Romulan lives -” “Lives.” This new universe feels so deliciously alive at every turn; visually, socially, culturally... this is the vibe I WANTED from a sequel. Beautiful. <3

- Picard, here, in this scene. Just dear GOD. This is why this character is so enduring - he’s kind, warm, soulful, deeply intelligent, principled as all hell, and he’s become so embittered by this horrendous miscarriage of justice... the utopia’s failing, folks, and it’s a delight. Patrick sells the absolute shit out of this whole thing like the absolute asset he’s always been to this franchise, and just the CARE that has gone into his portrayal? I’m in love. Just give me fucking ALL of it. He feels so very him whilst also being richer and a touch bolder and christ, all these things Patrick’s said about loving Picard and wanting to portray him faithfully shine here so very clearly. Flawless. <333333 

- Oh, and all of that, but also THROWBACK THURSDAY. <3 These flashbacks will murder me, I’m certain of it. Retro and new in perfect harmony.

- Oh, here’s the kid! And hang on, an intriguing quote... “You just wave your hand and it all goes away”? Can we just... step back and think about what that’s a reference to, because fuck, dude, I MAY JUST HAVE TO WATCH TAPESTRY AGAIN. (Hardly a chore, let’s be real. I’m a Q stan, leave me be. It’s likely not a reference of course, but for the love of the Continuum, give me De Lancie. This shit already can’t improve so far, just LET IT IMPROVE ANYWAY.) 

- This interview-on-a-random-screen thing is great, too; I love the dichotomy of it. Picard’s out here being principled and wonderful, solely for our eyes and the girl’s. It’s literally background info at this point and it’s a lovely little aside to how Picard’s just been here the whole time, abiding by what he believes in without any real fuss. 

- ... That lovely little vineyard confrontation. Yes, yes, yes. Dad vibes without being a dad. I so didn’t want him to be a dad, it’s so painfully out of character, and I’m so glad they went with ‘lovely old uncle’ instead. <3 This whole scene just again pitches Picard amazingly.

- Can I have that firepit, Jean-Luc? Thanks, Captain.

- ... Hold the entire galaxy’s collection of phones: IS THIS CHICK LAL?! How the hell would that even work?! Bro...

- This nostalgia suite thing in the archives? Incredible. The banner? He hated that shit, we all know this, but it meant something to him deep down, that those children had his respect and admiration, that he felt so inspiring to others... how very telling that it’s one of the things he chose to keep. <3 Parallels not-Lal and this whole mini-arc thing wonderfully.

- ... Is her name supposed to sound like Vash’s? Is that a coincidence? Anyway, she’s not Lal, which makes much more sense, but she is... Data’s daughter? When the sodding hell did that happen? Oh, I really don’t care, honestly. It’s beautiful. All these Data flashbacks continue to kill me, and just for the love of it, let’s chuck some Captain in there, uniform and all! Gaaah. Who gave Patrick Stewart the right to still be this attractive, good lord above. Brent out here absolutely nailing this naive joy we loved so much back in the day, too... <333

- That chat about Dajh (possibly? The sweet and misguided android chick, giving me major Amanda Rogers vibes - I was too excited to look up the spelling, do forgive me) and her connection to Data, and what it means to Picard? Lovely. Absolutely adorable.

- ... And we come to my only minor gripe with all of this joy - why in the name of all positrons was Dajh introduced and then more or less immediately blown to tiny android pieces? Can’t help but feel the potential she had was wasted. I understand that we needed a Picard catalyst to get him back in the game, but I feel as though she’d have done that whilst still being alive. Although, I’m not going to be too harsh on it... “I haven’t been living, I’ve been waiting to die” is a thousand percent the quote of 2020 twenty-three days in and I just about screamed. I’ve got Tapestry vibes again, my god. This man is such a legend. <333333

-  I was becoming rather invested in dear Dajh, though, and I know we have her identical twin elsewhere (more on that shortly) but that’s sort of like giving me Lore and expecting me to be fine without Data. Speaking of which... 

- B-4. In a drawer. Near a door? Well, probably about thirty metres away from one. Love it. And a Maddox namedrop at the same time as something of an explanation! Actually really enjoyed this tie-in to old lore (pun fully intended, folks) whilst being coherent in its own right. God, I’d love to see a non-Trekkie watch this, they’d be so fucking baffled...

- Okay, even with all I’ve said about the visuals, that segway from neuron necklace to space was spectacular. I’m never going to need an eye test again. <3

- Nice guy Romulan. Awww. Someone hug his awkward soul. Dajh’s twin looks immediately less interesting (as evidenced by the fact I’ve forgotten her name - it definitely starts with ‘S’) but I’m definitely reserving judgement for now, I’m sure she’ll be as great as the rest of this show.

- ... That’s a cube, isn’t it?

- IT’S A CUBE. WITH ROMULANS. WHO AREN’T ASSIMILATED. Did they steal it? How the hell did they steal it? Do they have an alliance? What the fuck is happening? Picard did not sign back up two minutes ago for this shit guys!

... Well, basically, tl;dr? Modern, socially developed, stunning; retro in flawless contrast, with an even richer and more nuanced main character than ever who still feels so very himself, which is all I ever wanted. Fucking fantastic. Is it Friday again yet? Can your esteemed reviewer hit up a proxy next week and not die in anticipation of whatever the shit that ending was being perhaps explained a little more?

To be continued...

[inflammatoryfandomblog]

on blake and running away

this post will be just me rambling about some tension i’ve noticed in the show for the longest time, yeah? i'm not trying to like, take people’s favorite characters away from them or whatever, but it’s me trying to come to terms with the fact that “running away” seems to be a very common theme for WBY... and for BY, it’s handled a bit oddly.

adam is mentioned as a matter of course, but i don’t really look at him the way you are used to--i don’t talk about the race stuff at all. i exclusively look at his abuse to Blake here; let it not be said that i’m so hung up on the race stuff that i ignore this part of his character. but if talk about abuse triggers you, you may not want to read this--it doesn’t really talk about personal experience at all and it’s not graphic, but this is a deeply personal Topic so i will warn you right now.

since this is long (no, really, it’s long as hell because it takes some explaining, and it’s more me trying to wrap my head around this than coming to a conclusion), i’ll stick it under a readmore:

Hello there!

Now, let’s all get on the same page, shall we? We all know that Adam’s a slimy creep in the show, right? And that most of his words to Blake should be taken in the context of what he intends to do and comes forth from his character?

This is a pretty basic observation... the things that characters say can be safely assumed to have a purpose in some way. Like Adam saying “my dear” or “wow we finally have alone time!” or whatever crap isn’t meant to be taken at face value as romantic, right? In fact, because Adam is (supposed to be) charismatic and an emotional abuser, you should generally assume there is some ulterior motive to what he says. (If this isn’t obvious to you, see Blake telling Yang that Adam only has power because of his manipulation in the Brunswick Arc.)

Which kind of strikes me as weird because... this isn’t really in line with how the writer’s depend on Adam’s dialogue sometimes? At certain points you’re supposed to take his framing as basically true--think of when he yells “what does she even see in you?” which ... is supposed to be taken by the audience as “see, even Adam sees their relationship, in case you haven’t gotten it yet!” rather than the kind of meaningless unhinged statement an abusive, jealous controlling asshole would make,

And like, if it were limited to rare instances like this, I wouldn’t really care about it that much, I would just take the unnatural dialogue as the audience clue-ins they’re meant to be and take Adam’s talkativeness in the final fight as RT being excited that Garrett Hunter can finally do the bare minimum of voice acting. But the reason it bugs me is because Adam was previously used to outright tell us Blake’s supposed character flaw of running away and we were just... supposed to take it at face value?

So, Adam constantly taunts Yang during their volume 6 fight, reminding her of Beacon to no end. And if you know Adam’s character, you’d know that this is meant to be intimidating shit-talking to Yang and to get her to attack him. It’s not even really subtle. “You’re a coward! Just like [Blake]” etc etc etc

(The fact that it doesn’t really work at all in this fight and he fucking keeps taunting her even when it clearly doesn’t work is the reason why Adam is annoying as hell during that fight. I’m salty that I was forced to be put through his voice acting, yes, I’m allowed to be petty.)

Remember this line of dialogue from him, because it’ll be important later: “You’re a coward! Just like her!” He frames her running away as a flaw pretty consistently, and this actually lines up with her character arc:

So flashback to the earlier volumes, right? Blake’s self-identified flaw is that she “always runs away” in volume 2. In that infamous volume 3 fight, Adam says, in response to Blake’s “I’m not running!”: “You will.” And that’s what happens, and it’s supposed to fuel most of the Yang-Blake drama in subsequent volumes. 

Volume 4 has Blake outright say that the reason she ran away was because she wants her friends to hate her so they can be safe, and Sun basically tells her, “you don’t have to be alone, your friends are here.”

In volume 5, Yang reinforces that this is supposed to be a trait of Blake, and it’s also framed negatively: “she ran!” Now Weiss contextualizes this in their talk by basically saying that Blake is lonely and she ran away because she wanted to protect them, and Yang repeats the whole notion of “she doesn’t have to run! We were here for her.” In that very same volume, Blake  “now he can see what it feels like to run away” when she successfully out-organizes Adam. The parallel between Blake now having Support and Backup and Therefore She Doesn’t Need to Run Away Anymore, while Adam Lost His Influence and Therefore Must Run Away.

In the V6 ending  song “Nevermore,” Blake’s first singing part implies that her running away is a character flaw that she got over by killing Adam:

Will I be afraid (Adrienne) Nor will I run away (Casey) It's behind me (Adrienne + Casey) Freedom is finally here (Casey)

So it’s clear that the story the show wants you to take away from this is that Blake always runs away because she views herself as a burden to her friends and won’t let them help her, and she needs to open up more and be more confident in her value as a person and push people away. Her arc is about that in volume 5, where she defeats people via the Power of Friendship. She spells out her character arc to Sun in volume 5, chapter 5:

“I’m going to try and help [Ilia] the way you helped me. You showed me that sometimes you need to be there for a friend even when they don’t want you to be. I was drowning in guilt and fear, and I tried to push you away, but you didn’t give up on me. And I can’t give up on Ilia; it’s about time I saved my friends for once.”

Blake’s character arc post-season 3 revolves around being comfortable with relying on support and supporting others, and that helpfully stops her from running away and lets her face her big problems. 

This would all be all well and good if it weren’t for the fact that running away actually isn’t the bad thing that the show tries to frame it to be, if you were to judge by what actually happened in the events of the show and the actions of other characters, and this is where my big beef with Blake’s arc comes from. I’m going to argue that running away wasn’t actually a character flaw Blake had at all, and the show treating it as such is it basically siding with Adam on this particular issue.

Blake has run away 3 times in the show’s runtime thus far.

1. The first time was in the Black Trailer

2. The second time is in volume 1 when she inadvertently reveals herself as an ex-White Fang member to Weiss

3. The last time is during the epilogue to volume three when she absconds to Menagerie

All three instances were actually valid and ended up being good for Blake. (1) is her escaping an abusive relationship. (2) leads to her finding Sun and opening up to a fellow faunus for once. (3) is Blake running away back to a support system she already had--her parents, who are pretty loving and accepting of her. The fact that she ran away might be the best thing Blake did--yeah, it wasn’t perfect, Yang was hurt--but objectively, Blake reconnected with the people who love her unconditionally and she was also there to save her parents from being murdered by Adam.

To pile on to these instances, Blake’s personality is actually rather confrontational. She constantly gets in arguments with Weiss in volume 1, and in volume 2, her character arc is basically her freaking out because they weren’t doing enough about Torchwick. 

But but but--! I hear the objection to this statement--Blake in volume 2 herself said that she always runs away from her problems! Checkmate atheists!

Well, dear reader, it’s not. Self-perception isn’t necessarily always true, especially if you’ve been emotionally abused before, as Blake has been. In volume 2, Blake sees herself as a coward who runs away all the time even though this is directly contradicted by her personality and actions.

Now, who in her past might benefit from framing “running away” as a bad thing? That leaving him to “run away” to other people means she’s a coward?

If you bothered to remember the quote I told you to remember earlier, it’s Adam! Adam stands everything to gain by telling Blake that running away is Bad; stay with me, Blake, don’t run and abandon me like your parents did. This would be the most striking and lasting example of emotional abuse, directly related to Blake’s self-perception and tying into a lot of the things she does in the show.

Would be. But the show sort sides with Adam here--running away is Bad. Adam is, according to the explicit messages of RWBY, what the show wants you to believe, right in saying that Blake always runs away. 

But she doesn’t. Hell, she doesn’t even run away from him when the going gets tough, and Adam himself doesn’t even believe that Blake is a coward. Remember the first time she him saw in in volume 3? They were really far apart and Blake could have just ran, but Adam stabbed a random civvie knowing that Blake would rush in to protect him. And like clockwork, Blake indeed did attack Adam to try to prevent harm.

(And yes, Adam used the exact same trick to lure Yang into attacking him, except instead of stabbing a nondescript extra, he stabbed Blake. Connections!)

This kind of stuff partially why I’ve always been uncomfortable with the abuse backstory, because much like the racism stuff that I have a problem with, the show just... ignores the big elephant in the room. Blake already had this self-image discrepancy going on in the first 3 volumes, but it never properly gets addressed again. Like with the violent-but-not-extremist White Fang and Sienna, it gets a throwaway line to explain its absence: “Yeah, look, Adam called Yang a coward! We’ll just vaguely nod at this!” But Blake’s arc proper? There’s nothing about coming to terms with her running away or using it as a concrete in-story example of her untangling Adam’s abuse--that might actually get people uncomfortable, you see--so it slowly gets morphed into the safer and easier plotline of “see, you just need to let yourself rely on people!”

And it’s weird that it got dropped so easily because “running away” is pretty much a... not a theme, but a thing three of the four main girls have going on. Yang has abandonment issues because her mother up and ran away--in fact, the language of how Running Away is Bad and Cowardly is brought up in the talk-ju-jitsu scene with Raven. 

This is probably the easiest connection in the world to make--Raven and Blake both ran away, but as far as Yang is concerned, it’s okay with Blake because... “she came back,” which... uh??? uhhhh???? It uncritically accepts that Running Away is a Bad Thing--it’s the coming back part (which wasn’t even an intentional thing on Blake’s end; she didn’t even know RWBY would be there) that “redeems” Blake’s sin--see Yang’s “you came back!” and Weiss’s “she will [come back.]”

Which... is actually kind of weird in light of how Running Away vis-a-vis Blake is handled (ie, she gets the notion that it’s a bad thing from Adam--but certainly she shouldn’t go back to him). The show didn’t need to do everything in its power to frame Running Away as a bad thing; it could acknowledge that while it may hurt somebody, running away is sometimes the best thing you can do, and this could actually tie into Yang’s abandonment issues, because if there was a character that also needed untangling with the concept of Running Away, it was her. 

But it seems like Blake and Yang won’t really talk about any of this in the future, because we can’t have conflict because of people’s differing experiences with running away, apparently. Blake’s act at the end of volume 3 did hurt Yang and potentially... swept under the rug, because Blake Came Back, Guys! We can put a ring on it now. Because getting over abuse is always straightforward, you will never make mistakes trying to heal yourself, and there are never hard decisions to make! 

I never see people talk about this, so maybe it’s worth a mention. But Weiss is also technically guilty of Running Away--from an abusive household, in this case, much like her sister. And here, much like with Blake, it’s a good thing. But with Weiss, the narrative actually admits that leaving was the right thing to do for herself and her character arc is actually about that. So it’s exceedingly strange for me that Blake doing the exact thing Weiss does is a “flaw” she had to get over, instead of something that could be looked at and digested.

Blake’s experience with abuse is an element that never seemed to really resonate with me personally, because what I saw on screen and what was implied didn’t add up perfectly. I like the message of “support systems matter” of Blakes volume 4-5 arc in concept, but it never felt exactly right, because what Blake actually resolved and what was visibly her problem never felt 1:1 to me. 

[borisbubbles]

EUROVISION 2018 #5 & #4

05. SWITZERLAND ZiBBZ - “Stones” 32nd place

~*Wild Jokah On A Gole Froam*~

Yanking away the top NQ slot in this year’s ranking is, of course, everybody’s favourite Sibling alliance, ZiBZZ!! 

As you know, I looooooooove mental health awareness songs, and I particularly love those with approaches that work (*cough* NOT “Goodbye” *cough*). While most of these songs are doused in motherly, cloddlesome tones, “Stones” doesn’t beat around the bush and argues that one must confront their fears HEAD-ON. 

To transliterate the (ridic, amusing) lyrics into Common English: 

“People have always been shitbags and have treated others like crap for aeons and there’s nothing I can do about it because people won’t fucking change.. SO fucking WHAT? Why would let those assholes affect my present and future the same way they’ve influenced my past? Fuck that noise. It’s time to let the inner demons rest, grow as a person AND help others get out of the deep end while doing so.”. 

Holy fuck what an epic Truth BOMB, I can relate to all of that scalding hot tea. The best way to get around depression, anger and frustration *is* to 1) remove you from the toxic environment 2) find kindred spirits and support each other 3) find the courage to leave your past behind and build a future for yourself. Mental health is a BATTLEFIELD that HITS YOU with its best shots (did I just ref Pat Benatar twice? 🤭) while you’re struggling and “Stones” acklowedges this reality so hard. About fucking time someone lit the flares of ferocity to stand up against BULLYING and HATE. ALL HAIL COCO the ZiBB, FIRST OF HER NAME, THE UNDUN, MOTHER OF FLARES, KHALEESI OF THE DOWNTRODDEN, NON-THROWER OF STONES, BREAKER OF TABOOS, QUEEN OF THE HURT, TORMENTED AND BROWBEATEN. 

Ain’t the only one who don’t wanna throw stooooooooooones

But of course, message alone isn’t enough to get such a high ranking, but fortunately ZiBBZ delivered musically as well. “Stones” has the perfect type of melody for Eurovision: catchy,  repetitive and accessible, but never boring or tiresome because the arrangement was spot.fucking.on. The horns and tuba’s give the music so much gravitas, the backing AHEMs are excellent  and CoCo’s five-packs-a-day type of gravelly voice adds so much realness to the song. "Stones” as a whole is jarring and complex and succeeds at elliciting the emotional response it aims for. This is my favourite song of the 42, by no small margin. 

And then there’s the staging, which... I have mixed feelings about, not gonnal ie. It saddens me that even at this high a rank I must again resort to critique. I mean, the ACT was great. That motherfuckin’ flare is one of the few goosebump moments I got from this year, Coco is Minerva in a hipster body, Stee is a lovable goof, but... you have this amazing, dynamic song that is capable BLOWING EVERYONE AWAY and it  kinda... doesn’t? 

I would say that “Stones” was mostly hampered by its camerawork, which was mostly AWFUL. Which idiot [Hans Pancake 🙄] is responsible for framing such a powerful, uptempo song with slow, drawn-out shots?

I mean, shots such as this one:

(why didn’t they just focus on Stee??? or the audience?)

and that one:

(You can clearly see Coco throwing away a drumstick at the start of the preformance... Why the faraway shots?? Why no close-ups when she’s drumming happening???? NO ONE CARED ABOUT SANNA’S LIGHT CAGE SO WHY WOULD THEY START CARING NOW??? (seriously, fuck you Hans Culpepper))

This is the reason why “Stones” failed to ensnare the audience’s attention. Wrong people with the right to stage and ZiBBZ can’t do anything about it. I chose to not take it into account when I decided on their final ranking, but it’s sooooo frustrating to see Switzerland FINALLY strike the motherload and fall flat because of some moronic cinematographic decisions. Now watch Switz pick something mediocre and be overrated by the Basics/NQ once again (lol I say this without having listened to the Swiss songs, but can you blame me?). Oh well, ZiBBZ have since moved on to better things -

- and so should we :). Still praying they pull a Poli in five years or so. THE WORLD NEEDS IT

04. SLOVENIA Lea Sirk - “Hvala, ne!” 22nd place

Damn’ this is such a tough decision. Cutting entries loose at this point really hurts y’all.

So as you know, I really, REALLY fucking love Lea Sirk and even said that, in the unlikely event that she qualified, she’d WIN the ranking. However, while I am probably obliged by contract to grant her the first place, I can honestly say that... I like my top three more?  Lea could have easily won this ranking, had my opinions on Elina, DoReDos and Ieva stayed the same; but they didn’t (they went up obvi), so here we are. The above paragraph is just a disclaimer to explain why Slovenia don’t rank higher than they do, because holy fuck this "Hvala, ne!” was awesoooooooooome. Anti-establishmentarian trap-pop that was a shock qualifier and made a flashy gimmick work TWICE <3 There’s a reason why the Good Gays Fanbase (do I include myself in that? hmmm 🤔) have nicknamed it “Hvala Slay!”. 

But first, (-- Julie Chen-Moonves) let’s discuss the PHENOMENON that is Lea Sirk. My love for her predates this contest by several years, from the time when I only knew her as the botty cyborg sidekick to the heiress of the Ravenclaw Empire herself, Tinkara Kovac. 

“KEN U BEE-LIEF ET???”

who happens to be *my* fave of Outstanding Eurovision Year 2014 (Yes, over Conchita, go cry) and is a contender for fave entry of the decade. The Summer of 2014 was a fantastic experience, partly thanks to Lea and I will forever cherish her for that reason. So when this beautiful dubstep fae was selected to rep Slovenia, now sporting a lilac killer braid, a trashbag jumpsuit and a cabal of slut-dropping dance devas of destruction... like *instantly* fanning my proverbial clit right there. It only got better during Lea’s pre-show content, proving her not only cool chick onstage, but off the stage as well. Having a teenage girl crush on Waylon <3 (Confessing this IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE WHICH INCLUDED BOTH WAYLON AND HER HUSBAND lmao bless <3). Impersonating Salvador on some Slovene version of the Soundmix Show <3 There’s no way Lea couldn’t deliver in Lisbon.

And “deliver” is underselling what Lea did, holy fucking hell that live was EVERYTHING. It’s hard to even name what the brightest shining star of their performance was, since Slovenia brought an entire fucking galaxy  of them. I’d say the best thing was probably the choreography, which managed to be spellbinding, professional and hilarious all at once.  Lea and her dancers-in-crime put on an amazing, electrifying show, aided by dynamic camerawork and lighting (Take note, Hans Pancake 🙄). 

My personal fave thing about “Hvala ne!” however was that it QUALIFIED BY A COMFORTABLE MARGIN AND WOULD HAVE UNDER ANY POINTS SYSTEM <345871 I love a deserving shock qualifier (see: Albania), but when it happens to a preshow fave of mine that I considered all but doomed (and a contender for last in the semi). . . There are no superlatives in my glossary that can describe the state of elation I felt when Lea was announced as a finalist. Netta might as well cede her trophy because the Eurogaes were the actual winners of this year 💗🧡💛💚💙💜 “Hvala, ne!” more like “HVALA motherfucking SLAYS HATERS” amirite???

Granted “Hvala, ne!” was the same in Lisbon as during the preshow, with only two marked exceptions. One was Lea had added a chorus in shabby Portuguese (”OBRIGADA NAO NAO!!!” <3) which was hilar, and the other was... the break!

Granted the semi break was kinda *blah* to me. “Zomg the music dies riiiiiiight before the bridge how coincidental”. Sure, Jan. Either way, I found it moderately funny, mostly because of the random extras that were clearly being paid by production to oversell it <3 

But the best thing was that it WORKED and brought Lea to the finale where she performed a SECOND break and this one was downright epic. The audience actually sang along with her <3 <3 <3 <3 Two different instances of the same gimmick and making it work BOTH times <3 When will YOUR faves???

I suppose that, at the end of the day, “Hvala, ne!” was an experimental song that you either love or hate. Why anyone would ever hate this radiant nymph is beyond me, but whatever. My ranking, my rules, ya shallow fools. I *loved* this bizarre mix of K-Pop and Hip-Hop, sung in Slovene and Portuguese, (which is the most unique combination of languages ever featured in a Eurovision entry, I’m sure <3), with badass self-referential lyrics that SLAM DOWN musical conformity in a year that was all about rewarding it. In other words PRECISELY WHAT THIS CONTEST NEEDED. You know, there are plenty of countries out there that have never scored a top five in Eurovision and probably never will until they find their monster runaway winner (Lordi, Salvador). I *hope* the next one is from Slovenia. Raiven performing a song by Maraaya, with Lea and BQL as the back-up singers. Come on y’all, let’s make Eurovision Great Again. Hvala, slay, slay, slay, slay

 RANKING SO FAR

04. Slovenia (Lea Sirk - “Hvala, ne!”)

05. Switzerland (ZiBBZ - “Stones”)

06. Germany (Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone”)

07. Albania (Eugent Bushpepa - “Mall”)

08. France (Madame Monsieur - “Mercy”)

09. Hungary (AWS - “Viszlát nyár”)

10. Finland (Saara Aalto - “Monsters”)

11. Bulgaria (EQUINOX - “Bones”)

12. Denmark (Rasmussen - “Higher ground”)

13. Malta (Christabelle - “Taboo”)

14. Cyprus (Eleni Foureira - “Fuego”)

15. United Kingdom (SuRie - “Storm”)

16. Serbia (Balkanika - “Nova Deca”)

17. Portugal (Cláudia Pascoal - “O jardim”)

18. The Netherlands (Waylon - “Outlaw in ‘em”)

19. Ukraine (MÉLOVIN - “Under the ladder”)

20. Macedonia (Eye Cue - “Lost and Found”)

21. San Marino (Jessika ft. Jenifer Brening - “Who We Are”)

22. Sweden (Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance You Off”)

23. Austria (Cesár Sampson - “Nobody but you”)

24. Latvia (Laura Rizzotto - “Funny girl”)

25. Azerbaijan (AISEL - “X my heart”)

26. Israel (Netta - “Toy”)

27. Norway (Alexander Rybak  - “That’s how you write a song”)

28. Montenegro (Vanja Radovanovic - “Inje”)

29. Armenia (Sevak Khanagyan - “Qami”)

30. Poland (Gromee ft. Lukas Meijer - “Light me up”)

31. Greece (Yianna Terzi - “Oniro mou”)

32. Georgia (Iriao - “For you”)

33. Belgium (Sennek - “A matter of time”)

34. Italy (Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - “Non mi avete fatto niente”)

35. Romania (The Humans - “Goodbye”)

36. Ireland (Ryan O'Shaughnessy - “Together”)

37. Croatia (Franka - “Crazy”)

38. Belarus (ALEKSEEV - “Forever”)

39. Russia (Julia Samoylova - “I Won’t Break”)

40. Spain (Amaia & Alfred - “Tu canción”)

41. Iceland (Ari Ólafsson - “Our choice”)

42. Australia (Jessica Mauboy - “We got love”)

43. Czech Republic (Mikolas Jozef - “Lie to me”)

[geek-gem]

Transformers Dark Of The Moon

I've finally seen the movie again after these years. Let me warn you, spoilers and I have a lot to say.

Their is really a lot to say about this movie. But I'm glad I finally got my to do list of watching the first three Bayformers now.

Another thing I'll be honest about I was gonna play the Dark Of The Moon game on PS3 but it requires more MB's to clear out but I decided fuck it I don't care. Especially it's a short game but I'm not doing that shit. I just wanna watch this film especially remembering this is a long film.

But back to the movie. I'll be honest and I'm not critic and my opinion may be invalid because lots of people hate Bayformers. We have a new continuity with the Bumblebee movie which I think is the best decision this franchise has done.

To me this movie while I like the first film from 2007.

After watching this and I'm still having some feelings after being it. But I feel this is my favorite out of the Bayformers saga. This is basically where it should of ended and should of let the Bayformers end with dignity. Or at least until a new director came along like Travis Knight or others.

Especially like I remember a movie guy named Cure4 on DeviantArt but he's gone from that shit. I agree with him and I'm thinking this is the sequel the 2007 film should of had.

I'm pissed and I hate that Age Of Extinction was the follow up to this film. Despite how people feel about this film, my God Bay tried to redeem himself after Revenge Of The Fallen a film that is like some sort of weird parody there the video game tie in's I see as the best version especially the PS3/Xbox 360/PC versions and even the Wii/PS2 versions.

Another thing I wanna reveal when I saw this film for the first time in theaters I actually used this.

I seriously wore that and it worked and it was awesome. It was a experience despite I felt nervous. I was young but what the hell it's gonna be 8 years since the movie was released. Especially the 3D was awesome when I saw it in theaters.

But back to the movie again I'm sorry. I'm not gonna make this a full review I don't wanna waste anyone's time.

When I think about it Sam is a lot better in this film. While I do feel some moments could be worked on. He should of apologized to Bee after he meets him I know Sam's angry. Especially this development of Sam wants to matter. This is much better then what we had in Revenge Of The Fallen.

Carly I honestly find more likable then Mikaela. Seriously I do especially that moment where she literally tells Megatron that he will basically be Sentinel's bitch if he doesn't do anything. She basically treats Sam with a bit more respect and well I like the relationship more then what Sam and Mikaela had.

Lennox and Epps were always great. Especially Epps during the scenes in Chicago. Simmons is seriously entertaining in this and Dutch is a blessing.

Let me just talk about Dylan Gould. This guy he's been on my mind. I made two joke posts him deleted the first one of he's been waiting for that betrayal towards Sam.

Patrick Dempsey honestly and his portrayal of Dylan is a performance that left an impression on me. Because I was actually surprised by his reveal of who he actually was. But seriously this man is a dick and in a way I like him. Despite seeing in the film him talking about making tough choices and him being on the winning side. Yet over the course of the film he starts to take it a bit personal.

While I kept thinking before seeing the film he was enjoying it maybe. But my view on it changed. I just think Patrick Dempsey kind of owns the role.

Yes we should talk about the robots and let me be honest. What I love about this film it's basically the Decepticons strike back. They are basically winning in this film. I love the Chicago invasion scene.

I do feel like the entire Bayformers series yes their should of been more Transformers screen time. Especially the Decepticons in this case. While I feel in Revenge Of The Fallen I can tell Starscream feels like he's a little snarky in some parts. While I know he's kissing up to Megatron to cover his ass. I would of liked some what....I don't know more snarky shit or something Starscream would say or do. Maybe even during his confrontation with Sam he mentioning after the Decepticons win that he would overthrow Megatron and become the winner.

I remember when I was young when I saw this for the first time. For Starscream I had hoped he would betray Megatron yet that would be so much for one film. Because that's Starscream from G1, Animated, and other continuities. At least one last hurrah before he dies.

Especially I remember when I was young I wanted Skids and Mudflap, along with Leo to come back....I was young and I enjoyed Revenge Of The Fallen a lot more okay. Wouldn't mind Leo but their seems to be a bit much but what the hell I wanted Dinobots in this film.(well it's said Skids and Mudflap are shown as cars but they were supposed to die....they did die by Sentinel in the movie comic)

I dig Soundwave in this film. Even Laserbeak these guys are douches but would of liked to seen more Soundwave. Especially I like this little dynamic between Dylan and Soundwave I know that's weird of me to say. Would of liked to seen more.

Shockwave in this film seriously I was hyped for him when I was young and playing the prequel game. I feel it's stupid he's not as important. He should of had more lines and more interactions. I even agree with a comment on YouTube he should of been in the Africa scene.

While he is badass it's stupid how he goes out but give him a better send off and a fight with Optimus Prime. I wanted to see more Shockwave and I think it would of been better if he was voiced by Mark Ryan. Frank Welker didn't do a bad job and he actually had two lines spoken in English.

At least his driller creature is cool. But seriously after all the hype and I want to just put some promotional stuff.

Whatever if this one is official or not. It's just in Shockwave's own words......logical. Or my own words fucking logical.

The reason I'm saying Mark Ryan because of his English accent and I want to be reminded of Corey Burton. Sorry for sounding weird.

Let me say I feel Sentinel Prime is probably the best antagonist actually we've had in a Transformers live action film especially in the Bayformers. Characters like Shatter and Dropkick are great. Even Lockdown was nice. But I liked Sentinel. I'll be honest I was actually surprised when I witnessed his betrayal when I was young. I thought the Decepticons were gonna force him to use the Pillars maybe even Shockwave but what we got was something else.

Also I really liked the scenes with Optimus and Sentinel. I do feel we should of gotten more and had them be longer. Especially I like Optimus in this. I do see their was this father and son or brother like relationship that Bay talked about. But would of liked to seen more.

The other Autobots are alright cool. I do feel the whole Que/Wheeljack thing was just seriously stupid. Especially now before Bumblebee a Wheeljack design that was more accurate. Tragic about the way he died.

Looking back at the film theirs not a lot of Cybertronian scenes but they leave an impact.

Also I really wanna talk about the ending with Optimus, Sentinel, and Megatron. We should of gotten more Megatron I agree.

But the scene where leading up to Optimus killing Sentinel seeing it in action after going through the movie. It is awkward in a way.

Yet I'll be honest Sentinel basically deserved it. In fact of the Decepticons, and Dylan fucking deserved what they got. Because after everything they did their to me was not a way shit would end peacefully or something. Including your hearing this from a Steven Universe fan a show that deals with pacifism and other shit.

I do feel and I've talked about this before but I might delete it now because I'm gonna mention it here. But I feel if the scene went like it was Megatron who kills Sentinel or this dark idea of Sentinel killing himself or even himself dying from wounds. Especially giving Megatron and Optimus more of a fight even with Optimus haven't one arm.

Or hell seriously Bay should of gone with the original that was kept in the novel that Megatron teamed up with Optimus to kill Sentinel and Megatron would stop what he's doing. Also hearing that it would of explored Megatron more. That ending would have his look in The Last Knight make sense that he went to Cybertron after Dark Of The Moon and over time he decided to go back leading the Decepticons. Instead they had to kill him off and the whole Galvatron thing. Even though Megatron got what was coming to him.

Gonna be honest the Starscream death while I like the idea of Sam having the courage to take on Starscream and even killing him. But I do feel Starscream should of died a more I guess epic death.

Especially I weirdly wanted Sam to be all Cade Yeager shooting Decepticons and some how killing them. I mean you Sam jumping on cars and even sliding under them.

Gonna say before seeing the movie I kept thinking Dylan in his fight with Sam should of died a more brutal death. Such as Sam telling him to shut up after the messager comment and beating him to death. But Dylan's death is perfect. Seriously he gets hit in the face with some sort of pole thing and dies by the pillar.

Listen I'm sorry for rambling a lot. This became more of some review or reaction. The action was seriously nice and the special effects, score was always excellent.

Gonna be honest while I wasn't emotional much throughout the movie. Did feel emotional over the, "The fight will be your own" scene and felt a little at the, "No Prisoners Only Trophies" scene....that should of had more weight. I'll be honest when I was young I was expecting Sam for some reason come out of hiding yelling no in slow motion, surprising everyone then the Decepticon drop ship gets hijacked.

Gonna say did enjoy Wheelie and Brains I like them. Glad they we're still around in later films.

I think I've talked too much. Basically I think this is the best Bayformers sequel, this is what we should got gotten as a sequel to the 2007 film. It's better then Revenge Of The Fallen, Age Of Extinction, and The Last Knight.

My only weird complaint that isn't towards the movie.....Dinobots could of been in this some how.....during the battle of Chicago. We should of gotten Dinobots vs the Driller. Grimlock voiced by Vin Diesel or whatever I've had that weird casting idea I think for years. Or even Devastator in this because it's a huge open battle with so many opportunities. While I understand Michael Bay didn't wanna go larger like he did with Revenge Of The Fallen. I'm just disappointed that the next film we got after this was Age Of Extinction.

Tags dealt with sorry that got wrong, their was a lot to talk about. Glad I could talk about this and again I finished my to do list of rewatching the original trilogy. Bring on the new cinematic universe in the Knightverse that started out with Travis Knight's Bumblebee I'm ready for more excellent films.

[mewatchingstuff]

ship analysis (spoilers for s2)

I've been spending my social media time on twitter and Facebook these last few days and engaging with the timeless fandom on there. It's amazing how different the fanbase is from app to app. But I noticed both have been trying to distract themselves from renewal stress by starting polls and discussion threads. A couple of the threads shared in idea, was a Garcy or Lyatt thread. All very simple and respectable in responses and all offering their opinions on both ships. But both discussions had a comparison of what a "healthy" relationship for Lucy should be. It's interesting points made on both sides and it did make me look at the wider difference between each man and their relationship to Lucy. I didn't bother to write my own opinion at the time because I was too preoccupied monitoring the tv media sites for news on all my shows, lol. So I think that I'm going to share my views here.

I'll start with Garcy.

Garcia Flynn and Lucy Preston were adversaries for most of season one and while we know how much Flynn valued Lucy -enough to take time nearly every episode to try recruiting her to his side- he still was her enemy and treated her as such. He held her hostage, choked and threw her out of his way, kidnapped her and was even going to let her disappear from time just to stop Rittenhouse. There may have been valid reasons within context for most that stuff but a reason is not an excuse. That's something I try to keep in mind with all my fandoms especially ones with morally ambiguous characters who make not-so-morally-ambiguous decisions. Flynn should be held responsible for his actions against Lucy even if there are explanations for those actions. The explanations do not erase what he has done but, well, explains it. 

So, I believe there is a validity to when someone says they can't or won't ship garcy because of those things. It's more than understandable to not want to forgive a character for doing those things to another character.

I believe Garcy is a good ship with a dark past. You don't forget what happened but you can still see the merit in them going forward. Season two has what the ship needed, and what Flynn wanted, from the start, Garcy working together to take down Rittenhouse. They are no longer physical or ideological adversaries. They are of one mindset and one mission, stop Rittenhouse and save their families. From this, we can finally see in depth the way in which Flynn cares for and respects Lucy. Before, it was all hidden underneath context, pleading eyes and soft voices while they had their one or two minutes alone with each other every episode. Now we can see Flynn actively be there with and for Lucy. He's where he needs to be, on the time teams side and the garcy ship is on a course correct.

Garcy may have had its bumps and bruises but Garcia Flynn has always held a great deal of respect and admiration for Lucy Preston. I'm sure it will only grow from here on out.

Finally, we have Lyatt.

This was the cute, if not obvious, ship that the show positioned to be Lucy's main ship. While I always enjoyed them and they do have a decent enough chemistry, I was never much of a head-over-heels in love with them shipper. I felt like Wyatt was still mentally and emotionally married to his wife and Lucy was just looking to escape the loneliness and isolation she felt as a time traveler by being with the only other single person she knew would understand her strange new job/life. Don't get me wrong, these two have a genuine affection for each other and that's more than clear. But I could never shake off the feeling that they got together because they only had each other in that situation. I mean, look at it this way, if Lucy met and got to know each other without the looming threat of Rittenhouse and time traveling danger that could kill them at any moment, would they still be Lyatt? Would they still have these, apparently, super strong feelings for each other after like 6 months of knowing each other? Or would they go on a few dates and then move on? Okay, I've fallen a bit off path but trust me this is going somewhere.

Lyatt started off as the cute unproblematic ship but season two sunk it in more ways than one. We knew from Wyatt's recollection of his marriage to Jessica in season one that he was not the best husband to her. He would get possessive and jealous and start arguments with her and was basically a jerk. It wasn't that noticeable at first because he was supposed to be the wounded soldier with regrets but you can see how those aspects of his character pop up from time to time. Season two just made them even more obvious. I spent half the season defending Wyatt while slowly falling out of love with his character. Episode 2x07 finally just killed my love altogether. Wyatt Logan has become the emotionally abusive ex boyfriend who makes everything about him and will guilt people into feeling sorry for him when he fucks up their life. 

Wyatt used both Jessica and Lucy this season. He used Lucy and became upset with her whenever she was not pinning over him, allowing him to take advantage of her personal space or when she stood up for herself against his behavior. He puts on a sad puppy dog face and bats his eyelashes while explaining how hard this is for him too. But the truth is Wyatt made every single decision, he called it off with Lucy, he begged Jessica for another chance, he brought her to the bunker, and he tried to keep Lucy close because it's what he wanted. He gave not a thought to what the other women wanted or were going through yet he wants to claim how hard it is for HIM when he's confronted with the truth. He's selfish and egotistical but in a way where you don't fully recognize it until you take a deeper look at him without the emotional baggage of liking the character weighing down on your thoughts and subconsciously blinding you to his faults. 

The truth is Wyatt doesn't deserve Lucy at this point and it doesn't matter if Jessica turns out to be a "villain" or not. She doesn't have powers of mind control. Wyatt made the first moves and Jessica reacted to them. The way his relationship turned sour with Lucy and the way he behaved is ALL on him. Getting rid of Jessica won't change any of that. Wyatt is not emotionally mature or stable enough to sustain a healthy relationship. This is literally his 2nd strike. First time was with original Jessica and now Lucy has been made a victim of his emotional manipulation. Wyatt needs to grow on his own from now on. Lucy can't be his "saviour" anymore because what is she really getting out of this? How can she trust someone who can be this thoughtless and inconsiderate of her feelings? Why does she need to heal someone else when she's in pain herself?

I can't see a happy future Lyatt if Wyatt's actions are brushed away with him saying "sorry" and Jessica being evil. He needs actual development and growth not a get out of jail free card.

So for me Garcy and Lyatt are mirror opposite of each other. Garcy started off as dark and problematic but has grown to be relatively healthy for both characters involved. Lyatt started off as cute and unproblematic but became emotionally unhealthy and detrimental to Lucy's stability and well-being. 

Ultimately, I ship Lucy with happiness and wouldn't mind if she was alone for awhile. I ship the other two with personal growth. But romantically I fall more towards Garcy because of how it's been played and where it can go from here. I don't think much of anything will change my mind about Wyatt unless he goes through extensive therapy or it's revealed that he was replaced by an evil doppelganger at one point. 

[italicwatches]

I Couldn’t Become a Hero, So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job - Episode 03

Alright, I have actual time today, so let’s get to it. It’s I Couldn’t Become a Hero, So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job, episode 03! Here we GO!

-We begin with Fino’s clock reaching seven AM, and trying to wake her up. Which also gives us a good view of her shiny new apartment, which is…I mean, look, the kid’s had it for like a week, tops. It’s a futon, a table, and a couple boxes of crap she presumably managed to haul out of the old castle, and that’s about it. Her alarm clock’s not even on a table, it’s just kind of sitting by her. It’s also loud and Fino’s a deep sleeper, forcing Raul to come in and wake her up.

-A deep, naked sleeper.

-So the blushing comes. And then Fino has to try and find her clothes and is all squirmy and naked and Raul finally just throws one of his old t-shirts at her. And that’s all she’s wearing and well it’s the whole “wearing your boyfriend’s big t-shirt and nothing else” look and Raul’s brain just kinda cracks like an egg. He’s trying, guys, really.

-Opening!

-Episode 03: We Should be Careful When Handling Weird Products Sent to Us by Corporate.

-Raul and Fino are out and about, and Raul is kind of grumbly about that alarm clock. How the hell did you not wake up from it. It woke him up and he’s an entire apartment away. Also Fino has, instead of getting actual clothes that fit her, chosen to just tie off Raul’s t-shirt under her cleavage. It’s equal parts adorable and absurd and it even still smells a little like Raul. Shit, I think that means you’re engaged.

-To work! Where Seara tries to get them both to perk up despite Raul trying to complain about the whole “Fino is a terrible neighbor” situation, and Fino trying to steal herself a snack from the bowl of treats. Also Seara and Viser have to go off to the corporate offices for a meeting. Again.

-Hard cut to Fino working on an ad for the new washer they just got in. …Fino has, instead of drawing an actual ad, chosen to draw a horrifying warscape full of undead and dying and blood and just kind of put a washer in there. It’s like if you made Suzu from Comic Girls do ad copy. They are not putting that up on the wall, Fino. Just, no.

-Also there’s a customer who needs help. Seems she’s got an old, beat-up fan she’s hoping they could look at…And Raul can see it’s pretty old and battered. Might just be time to get a new one…But Fino sees the disappointment in the woman’s face, how even this small thing has so much sentiment tied up into it, and she wants to try and fix it! If there’s anything at all they can do…! Alright, into the back. No guarantees, but it’s not like they can make the situation worse, right?

-A blue haired woman disagrees. Meet Lore, the delivery and maintenance woman. She takes two seconds to look over the fan, sees the problem, and she can fix it. Come over here and she’ll get the paperwork ready. And of course the woman is ever so thankful, not just to Lore for being so confident she can fix the problem, but to Raul and Fino for being willing to take on the challenge at all instead of just trying to sell her something…

-And oh, dear sweet Fino, she’s so excited at the idea of being appreciated by someone. You’ve got a good heart, kid.

-Then over to corporate, where Seara is basically having to deal with the reality that her customer satisfaction ratings are amazing, but her sales are shit. And she pretty much stonewalls her boss, as she always does, to keep the stress of this from ever hitting her floor-staff…Sooo the orders come down hard. In short, they’re going to start carrying more budget items and do a big promo about all the new deals, and get people in the fucking door.

-Lunch break! Raul brought Fino over to the convenience store, and we get the name Elza for the busty woman who works the counter. Also, Lam-chan continues to try and be serious. It’s not working. Even as she…

-Well, I was going to say “sees Fino as a rival”, but considering the overwrought name, I can’t help but wonder if Lam-chan is also a refugee from the Demon Lord’s kingdom…

-So, lunch, then back to the shop, where it’s the kind of quiet part of the day. Sweep the floors, fix broken goods, and just kind of kill some time.

-And then All A walks in. And to be fair, that was a nickname. Now that she’s not in the heroing game, it’s just Airi. So what brings her in? Here to gloat over him? She’s out shopping, is all. Uh huh. …So where’d you end up, Airi? If you’re out shopping, that means you have real money. The kind you get from a job, not the petty cash their old classmates scrounge for.

-Well she’s all blushy so I suspect she’s lying when she says she ended up working security, but Raul is impressed. That’s good work, the kind that really puts her skills to use…Also out comes some long lingering hatred of demons. Don’t let Fino hear that kind of talk, Airi. She’ll get mad.

-Cue Fino. This is the worst possible time of all times. Also, Fino can only deduce that, seeing as Airi isn’t at the counter with anything to buy, but instead is acting all confrontational, that trouble is afoot! Fear not, Raul, she’ll save you from this would-be complainer! The most ferocious enemy of all corporate life! Stay behind her, Raul! She’ll take this foe down with her greatest demon magic!

-Please be quiet, Fino. And finally they manage to get her to walk off and start browsing…Aaaaand she’s totally watching how Raul interacts with Fino. I’m going to assume Raul was never that loose and casual with anyone back in the hero academy. (plus ultra)

-Cut to when some of the stuff from corporate arrives! Including a shiny new air purifier! They’ve never even carried air purifiers here, and Fino is all impressed! She wants to see it working! You, are not, going to be the one to turn it on. They’ll wait for the manager to get back, and that’s th—

-Cue Elza. Who’s gotten off work and come over to hang out. She wants to see the shiny new stuff! What’s this brand? Domos? She’s never heard of it…

-Must be small. And/or new. Well, corporate’s making them carry it, so, time to see if it—

-Click.

-It’s not doing anything.

-Did they get a DOA? Fino is so very disappointed that she tries turning it off and on again, wait dammit FINO NO—

-Shit.

-…Shit shit shit SHIT

-So let me paint you a word picture.

-The air purifier gets all sparky like the last thing Fino touched and overloaded with magic. But instead of just running into overdrive and burning itself out, the air purifier kicks out belches of black smoke, and from those emerge phantasmal claws! Claws that steal Elza into the air!

-Fino is still impressed. THAT IS NOT WHAT IT’S SUPPOSED TO DO YOU STUPID GIRL. Also it steals Nova too. …Wellllll shit.

-Okay they’ve got to turn it off! One problem, the countless grasping hands are trying to keep them from the actual air purifier! Fino manages to get behind the counter, while Raul grabs the mop and starts clearing some space…But fresh hands leap out of the clouds! They need an actual plan here…

-Which is when Airi sees what’s going on, and jumps straight in! And not just her, but Lore, who identifies this whole mess as witch’s arm. It’s one of the natural shapes magical build-up can take when it’s not properly gathered, shaped and stored, and can happen when the entire syntax of a magical item is damaged and cannot be shaped. And then she gets snatched up because she’s not a fighter.

-But fixing the problem is, if not easy, at least simple. The problem is that the purifier is drawing in magic relentlessly and spitting it out unshaped. You stop that by turning off the purifier. You get to the purifier by getting through the witch’s arms. That’s the rub.

-So Airi steals the mop, pours an enchantment in, and goes through with her THOUSAND BLAST! One strike propagates through the field, clearing out the witch’s arms for a split second! The girls are dropped, spilled away from the core of the purifier… If you can’t fight, get running, NOW!

-So that was the good news. The bad news is mops aren’t designed to have magic woven into them, and the thing just melted under the push Airi put on it. And then she gets caught by the next wave of arms, and is all fully tentacle-grasped! Oh dear. Oh DEAR. That, uh, I think that goes past ecchi.

-Raul needs options and methods, and now. He tries to think, to figure out his plan….When Fino races in to try and save Airi, only to get swarmed! Yet she won’t give up, because THE CUSTOMER COMES FIRST! You’re taking your job too seriously, Fino.

-But that gets Raul to realize what he’s got to do, as he runs into the back…Pulls aside all the mops and brooms…And finds that which he buried here, to never be reminded of it. His sword.

-BOOT! A single charge of magic pours through the blade, and he cuts Fino free, before raising the charge! And then he’s in at full force, cutting Airi free in a flash! He didn’t even know if he still could do this, but it worked…And that’s when Fino really realizes, that was demon-killing magic.

-But Raul is too busy dealing with the aftershock, trying to focus. All he did was get them free. He’s out of shape, rusty. But the job’s not over—And then Airi gets caught again when she knocks Raul out of the way of the grasping hands. That’s…Not…Great.

-And Fino can’t actually do much. Her demonic powers haven’t awoken…

-Airi has a good view of the purifier, though, and she can see. It’s almost all coming from the front, where the purified air should be. If you strike from the back, it might just work! Okay. OKAY! They can do this! Fino races out in front to be a big distraction, trying to gather this natural force to come at her, while Raul pours everything he has in. BOOT! FIVE THOUSAND AMPERES! He pours it all into a single shot of raw magical force, blasting through in a flash down the aisle! The witch’s arms are torn to shreds, the entire core shattered, and Fino sprints in before it can reform, hitting the off switch in a flash! YES! THEY WI—

-Oh god it turned to white sticky goo. Oh god she’s covered in sticky white gooooooooo.

-While Raul is busy really parsing what he managed to do there…Until a goo-coated Fino latches onto him! They did it! That was so COOL, Raul! And then Airi’s words hit him, as he realizes that the very task of being a hero would mean one day having to strike this girl down…This kindhearted, ditzy, over-enthusiastic, sticky girl. Wait, sticky? Q-Quit clinging to him while you’re like that!

-And when it’s all over, Fino properly introduces herself to Airi. And Raul has to desperate keep Airi from realizing that Fino isn’t a demon. Fino is not listening in the slightest and he can only despair. I’m sorry, Raul.

-Credits! Full of KNIGHTLY FANTASY.

-Aftercredits! Raul has dragged Fino to the public bath to clean up, and she’s like a tiny child there. But after they leave…Fino really, really realizes the idea that her very nature is something humanity would suspect and hate…

Well that main episode was…Absurd. And then bam, they just slam in the feels and hard questions right after the credits just to make sure you can’t call the whole thing meaningless fluff. You’re sneaky, anime. But I’ve got my eye on you. We’ll see if they pull that trick again next time, in episode FOUR of I Couldn’t … Job! Wait for it!

[mooneryder]

Genji Cybernization Speculation

WARNING: LONG POST!

For a fanfiction I’m currently working on, I’m developing a theory on a certain subject currently shrouded in mystery in the Overwatch lore: What the living fuck did Hanzo do to Genji to warrant cybernization, and how did Mercy save his life?

For this post I will be using pictures as references. Sorry for the mediocre image quality!! Here’s a link to the original quality images: https://imgur.com/gallery/7DCJ5 

So to kick things off, I simply downloaded a picture of Genji’s Blackwatch skin.

Why the Blackwatch skin specifically?

A lot of my story involves Genji’s time with Blackwatch.

It shows which parts of Genji’s body are cybernetic and which are still organic more clearly than his classic skin.

Next I recorded my initial thoughts looking at this skin. I was mainly looking for how Genji’s body appeared to be operating and what Hanzo might have done to cause it.

I quickly realized, however, that in order to go further I needed to consult a basic diagram of a human male’s internal organs. (Funny enough cause I got a C in bio, lol :P)

I did a side by side comparison and sketched a rough outline of Genji’s internal organs – as they would be in his organic body, that is.

As you can see, most of Genji’s vital organs are covered by cybernetics. Since there are tubes clearly pumping something to the inside of the cybernetic armor, it can be concluded that he does indeed have cybernetic parts underneath it. Which draws me to this conclusion: Genji’s left arm and face were the only organic body parts to survive. Well, at least the only organic body parts to survive enough to remain functional without cybernetic implants.

So, what was the damage to Genji’s vital organs?

In case you can’t read the key I used on the left:

Gold is moderately damaged.

Shit brown is extremely damaged but still salvable.

Burnt brown is damaged beyond repair and needs a replacement.

(THESE ARE ALL BY MERCY STANDARDS, BTW… which means damaged beyond repair is literally unrecognizable as organs)

This is all speculation, but judging by where the aforementioned tubes in the middle of Genji’s cybernetics lead and where the cybernetic armor is in general, I think it can be safe to say the majority of his vital organs were damaged beyond repair. The reason some of his organs are only severely damaged instead of damaged beyond repair (since y’know all of them are technically covered by the cybernetic armor save for most of his left lung) is because they lie closer to the left arm – or the one part of Genji’s organic body that was spared. This includes the heart (NOT THE AORTA though, so technically not his entire heart), the lower part of his left lung, and his left kidney.

Now, keep in mind that the violent confrontation between Hanzo and Genji was pretty clearly a swordfight; the slash in the tapestry at Hanamura, the scars on what remains of Genji’s organic body, and their mutual talents in swordplay are evidence enough of this. But how did a sword inflict such devastating damage to Genji’s internal organs? And on top of that, how can there be such a huge difference in the amount of damage between Genji’s left arm and the rest of his body?

The answer is simple: the dragons.

Think about what Hanzo’s dragons do in game. They’re a huge wall of “oh shit avoid this” that’s relatively easy to dodge if you aren’t caught off guard. They’re unleashed via his weapon; he fires an arrow, they appear. But keep in mind: the bow was not originally Hanzo’s weapon of choice. Of all the skills listed on Hanzo’s official bio, swordplay is the only one we haven’t seen him use. He presumably abandoned the sword because it was what he used to kill Genji. But a weapon is a weapon is a weapon, and more likely than not Hanzo’s unleashed the dragons with his katana in the past.

Think about Genji’s dragonblade. If you’re caught in that ult without a way to escape, you’re more or less fucked. On a squishy like Genji, two blows and you’re dead. Strike after strike after strike. Each one doing horrific damage. And Genji only has 1 dragon. Hanzo has 2.

Imagine Genji’s dragonblade with double the pain, double the damage, and double the devastation – both physically and emotionally. That was what Hanzo did to Genji, in the broadest of terms. He unleashed his own dragonblade onto his brother. In game-mechanical terms, that would bring the damage from just a single strike – originally 120 – to 240. Genji has only 200 health. It could only lead to disaster for him.

To make things even more complicated for Mercy, I believe that when the Shimada dragons “consume their enemies,” they literally burn them from the inside out. (Because seriously, consider the idea that the dragons burn a person from the inside out. It sounds fucking badass.) Hanzo’s dragons roasted Genji’s vital organs. He is left with horrific burns on the inside of his body – both 3rd and 4th degree – and to top it all off, Hanzo slits his brother’s throat. (Thus the destroyed larynx/vocal chords.)

With this theory in mind, it’s easy to understand why Mercy would be overwhelmed. She’s never seen injuries like this before, let alone the damage. She doesn’t know what caused them. She doesn’t know who caused them when she first rescued Genji. She doesn’t even know what would have the capability of doing such damage – and leave the target still alive, no less. But she does know one thing: she has to try to save him.

Listed in dark purple are Dr. Ziegler’s medical solutions for the damaged organs. (This does not, of course, include the enhancements made for the sake of making Genji a living weapon.) Most are synthetic replacements, but the organs not damaged beyond repair were treated with bionic healing. Mercy did not want to replace anything unless there was absolutely no chance of salvaging it.

Which brings me to the specifics of Genji’s cybernization.

I haven’t been talking about the back of his body as much because I haven’t completed a thorough analysis of it, but here is the work I’ve done thus far:

My writing is kind of small, so I’ll elaborate.

There are two types of cybernetic enhancements in Genji’s body: those needed to keep him alive, and those that make him more of a living weapon.

At the base of it all is a power module: the big glowing circle on his right shoulder. It powers all of Genji’s cybernetic body. Power tubes carry the power from the module to all of his cybernetic parts – both organs and limbs.

Genji’s synthetic major organs:

Right lung

Aorta (part of the heart)

Stomach

Liver

Intestines

Vocal cords and/or larynx

Genji’s cybernetic limbs:

Right arm

Both legs

Both feet

Synthetic muscles on his right arm and back

Other miscellaneous cybernetic enhancements include Genji’s cybernetic spine – which holds his stitched-together body up – and his biotic lenses – which enhance his vision to a near superhuman level. Obviously he also has shriukens built into his right hand that he can fire and reload at will.

And keep in mind: this was only the first prototype. I haven’t even started on the specifics of Classic Genji’s cybernization. Actually, in comparison to Genji’s current cybernetic body, Genji’s Blackwatch cybernetic body was very clunky and primitive. But that’s a topic for another post.

I think I kind of rambled, so I hope someone was able to follow this! XD If anyone has any questions, comments, or suggestions, I’m all ears :)

[the-desolated-quill]

Deep Breath - Doctor Who blog (New Doctor, Same Bullshit)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I was very cross going into Deep Breath back in 2014, and before I talk about this episode, I’d like to quickly address all the bullshit that surrounded the buildup to the Twelfth Doctor.

Moffat kept saying how Series 8 was going to represent a brand new direction for the series and that this new Doctor would be so different to any we’ve seen before. He even hinted at the possibility of a female and/or non-white Doctor, saying there was no reason why it couldn’t happen. Who did we end up with? Peter Capaldi! Wow! A middle aged white guy?! Never seen one of those before!

Now before @furrychimp has a go at me, I’ve got nothing against Peter Capaldi. He’s a brilliant actor and I was confident he’d be great in the role. That’s not the issue. The problem I had was that Peter Capaldi was the only actor auditioned for the role. Moffat didn’t even try to think outside the box or look elsewhere. I’m not angry because Capaldi was cast in the role. I’m angry because of the wasted opportunity here. It was a year after the 50th anniversary. A chance to break new ground and try something different, and Moffat didn’t take it. If Moffat knew a non-white, non male Doctor wasn’t on the cards, why in God’s name did he keep banging on about it? It’s like I said in my review of A Good Man Goes To War, he’s more concerned with looking progressive than actually being progressive. Anyone can say there needs to be more diversity or that there needs to be change, but unless someone within the industry actually pulls their finger out and does something about it, those are just empty, meaningless words.

‘Oh but Capaldi is a lot older than previous Doctors.’

Bollocks! He was 55! That’s not old! And besides, we’ve had older Doctors before. He’s not even the first actor to play an older Doctor in New Who, or have we all conveniently forgotten about John Hurt all of a sudden? This is nothing new or original. And while I’m on the subject of his age, good God how fucking patronising were the press at the time? Listening to them, you’d think Capaldi was a 200 year old corpse that had arisen from his tomb and was at risk of collapsing into a pile of bones by the end of the series. The whole obsession with his age was seriously odd on both sides (those who thought this was some kind of cheap novelty and those who thought Capaldi was so weak and frail that he wouldn’t be able to get around the TARDIS without the use of a motorised wheelchair).

And then there’s the promise that the show was going to get a lot darker than it was before, to the point where the BBC pushed the show further back in the schedules so that you knew how dark this was going to get. This isn’t teatime entertainment anymore. It has to be broadcast at 8:00pm because it’s going to be so much daaaaaarker. 

Well... we’ve all seen Deep Breath. We all know that was bollocks.

Seriously, how is this any different from an episode in the Matt Smith era? (apart from the fact that Peter Capaldi is less zany and more tolerable than Matt Smith was). It still has the same goofiness and forced whimsey to it (more on that later). In fact some of the humour is actually worse than the Matt Smith era’s. When Madame Vastra tricks the Doctor into forming a psychic link with her so she can put him to sleep, they actually had the fucking nerve to add a comedy cartoon sound effect when he falls unconscious. How fucking desperate can you get?!

But what really strikes me about Deep Breath is how utterly unoriginal it all is. The clockwork robots are back from the overrated Girl In the Fireplace and they’re basically just doing the same shit as they did before only with an extra helping of stupid sprinkled onto them for good measure. ‘Don’t breathe’ is basically the same gimmick as ‘don’t blink’, but whereas ‘don’t blink’ made the Weeping Angels bloody terrifying, ‘don’t breathe’ just makes the clockwork robots laughably inept. A lot of the plot is similar to The Talons Of Weng-Chiang and we’ve seen dinosaurs in London before in Invasion of The Dinosaurs. Not to mention all the lines taken straight from the classic series that Moffat is determined to grind into the dirt (I swear if I hear the ‘you’ve redecorated’ gag one more time, I’m going to scream). Is this what constitutes a brave new direction now? Rehashing plots and concepts from previous stories rather than coming up with your own ideas? Moffat, go stick one of your BAFTAs up your arse. Best place for it as far as I’m concerned.

What’s worse is that this episode has been extended to an hour and 15 minutes, most of which seems to consist of extra scenes of the Paternoster Gang being their usual unfunny selves. At this point it’s not just that they’re boring, underdeveloped and utterly uninteresting characters that bothers me, but also that they are making the Doctor’s universe too small. The man has travelled all across time and space, Surely he must know some other people who would be willing to help him. Why do we keep having to come back to the Paternosters? Strax is still fucking irritating (how can he not tell the difference between an eye and a mouth? Humans and Sontarans aren’t that different. And what was even the fucking point of that medical checkup anyway other than to pad out the runtime?), and I really take issue with how Vastra and Jenny are written. I’ve taken issue with how Moffat presents LGBT characters in his stories before, but this just takes the cake. The episode constantly finds ways to patronise and objectify Jenny while Vastra plays a ‘man with boobs’ type role. And it gets worse when Clara gets involved and we see Vastra start to morph into the predatory lesbian stereotype. Call me picky, but I think we deserve better representation that that. And don’t get me started on that bullshit ‘oxygen share’ kiss. Doctor Who has never been apologetic about two heterosexuals kissing, so why should it treat two homosexuals any differently? It’s just wrong! If they’re open and okay about same sex marriage, why are they being so coy about two lesbian partners being intimate with each other?

So let’s talk about the Twelfth Doctor. Despite my anger and frustration towards the circumstances surrounding his casting, I knew Capaldi would make a great Doctor and he does do a good job in the role for the most part. I liked the stuff at the beginning where the Doctor is really confused and was having memory problems. You could almost draw parallels between him and someone suffering from a memory disorder like Alzheimer’s and it’s genuinely unnerving to see the Doctor in such a high level of distress. I also really liked his final confrontation with the robot and the moral ambiguity of whether or not he pushed him. This is a very different Doctor from Matt Smith and I’m curious to see where they take him (remember I haven’t seen any episodes past Kill The Moon, so I genuinely have no idea what happens to him). Unfortunately all of this is punctured by the usual shit you find in post regeneration episodes. A lot of crazy goofiness and pondering over whether or not this is the same man as before. Admittedly the latter was interesting at first, and The Christmas Invasion did add some dramatic weight to it what with the Doctor being the last of his race and therefore having a more personal connection with Rose than he did with any other companion as a result, but after the twelfth time you’ve done it, you’re just bored by this point. Is the Doctor the same person as before? Er... Kind of. That should be firmly established by now considering the number of bloody times the show has asked this question. Can we move on?

A lot of times I feel Capaldi is scuppered by the humour. He can be a great comedic actor, but this sort of material just doesn’t work with him. It’s too whimsical and eccentric, like the whole sequence with the horse or him calling the dinosaur a big sexy woman. It feels like Moffat is still writing for Matt Smith and it just doesn’t sound right coming out of Capaldi’s mouth. And then there’s the painfully obvious metaphors. There’s a lot you could interpret about the Doctor from what you see on screen. The similarities between him and the robot, and how they both change and replace body parts to the point where you could argue they’re not the same people they originally were. The similarities between him and Vastra, both hiding behind some kind of mask in order to feel accepted. All potentially interesting, but what ruins it is Moffat’s need to fucking spell it out for us. How about crediting your audience with some intelligence?

I really hope Chris Chibnall doesn’t go through all this shit when Jodie Whittaker takes over. In my view, all post regeneration episodes should be like The Eleventh Hour. New body, new personality and then it’s business as usual.

But by far the worst aspect of Deep Breath is Clara. I can understand being worried about the Doctor’s memory problems and state of mind, but that’s clearly not the case at all. Clara is more concerned that the Doctor has gotten visibly older, which is beyond absurd. She’s seen all of the previous Doctors. She’s met the War Doctor. Why should the Twelfth Doctor be a shock to her? Vastra says it’s because the Doctor is no longer young and sexy and, no matter how much Clara tries to deny it, that’s pretty much the only reason I can think of why she’d be angry at the Doctor. I honestly can’t see any other alternative. It doesn’t make any sense why she would be this shocked about the Doctor’s regeneration. At one point she even asks how they change him back. It just makes her come across as really shallow and selfish (not a narcissist or an egomaniac. Seriously Moffat, try browsing a dictionary some time). But what really gets me is that the episode clearly expects you to be on Clara’s side, even going so far as to try to imply that the Doctor is so different now that he has at one point abandoned Clara and left her to die, which I didn’t buy for a second. The First Doctor may well have done that, but he’s a very different man by now. Does she have to stay as the companion? They even wheel out Matt Smith again for yet another goodbye speech to reassure her about Peter Capaldi, which was just plain silly. I suspect the BBC were a little worried that people wouldn’t accept an older, less romantic Doctor. I think the BBC need to have a bit more faith in the audience. May I remind everyone that Doctor Who lasted nearly 30 years without the need to shove in any Doctor/companion romances or snogging and people loved it?

And finally we get Michelle Gomez pissing about in a garden. Who is this mysterious and clearly crazy woman who appears to have intimate knowledge of the Doctor? Gee, it couldn’t be the Master, could it? Oh no! Of course not! The Master is a man! And besides, Moffat would NEVER do a plot twist that bloody obvious.

So what is the Promised Land? I don’t know and I don’t really care to tell you the truth. i’ve become so sick and tired of Moffat’s convoluted series arcs and endless intrigue that I honestly can’t even muster up the energy to even be mildly curious about it.

Deep Breath is an uncreative, boring and lazy start to Series 8. That being said, the Twelfth Doctor does show promise. We’ll see where they go from here.