#Fear of loss (of memories childhood loved ones etc)

[vague-magnus-archives]

Eye require an even number of candidates...

[rainbowsystemblog]

Head space/inner world and how our sys works:

I wanted and actually did record the video you asked about but... translating all that to another language with a really bad video editor to that would be too hard and a long process for us while it's better to write it down and just be able to fix it any moment while nobody will have to look at me talking. I can also add pictures so - it's a win win.

My name is Monty and I'm sort of a gatekeeper in misty system. It wasn't always like that though... We started possibly without head space in our early childhood and most of us been just fragments - only our host was an alter at the time until everyday abuse been too much to handle for her or something bigger/sudden happened that finally formed others into shape. I won't explain whole basics of how OSDD happens because there are plenty of arguments if core exists or the orange theory and such which I don't know enough about as I'm not a doctor nor a scientist. I am unable to recall our infant memories much or at all to say how it exactly looked like but I know our host was there first as a person. Anyway we heard voices that weren't attached to anyone specifically at the time (those who existed) that probably been gatekeepers (because Jack remembers he had specific rules of how to act around the host without seeing anyone) until like elementary school (probably) when our inner world was truly created for the very first time...

Those were barracks in a city ravaged by war. Why's that? Because our trauma affects our inner world. Our pseudomemories/stories, elements of head space, who we are as alters = all that is a mirrored trauma to process it, keep it away from the host (we've been mostly an inner system for almost 30 years) or punish us further. It's symbolism like in a dream or metaphors mostly now. It is possible that most of it happened right when host found out about the system and we officially started fronting so how system worked changed. Before we only had to store things (memories, traits, behaviors, fears etc) or help host - co-con or rarely co-fronting (basically never fronting as she felt loss of control over her body and was freaking out). We were barely noticeable by others thanks to that and yet our host sometimes been wondering what is happening to her (especially when Nat was fronting). But about hs now... most of us been soldiers so that was our job inner. Later, after a big war between elementary and middle school, we got a house that others (fragments) been already living so we joined them. Sometimes we still fought, some others fought for us that didn't belong to our system at the time (one of many sorts of our dormancy that I will explain later in another post), but mostly we had quite normal life as a big family or rather orphanage of aunt Vinnie (alter) that was our gatekeeper from that time probably. House was huge, a bit vintage/victorian, with lots of stairs and rooms - a whole labyrinth I'd say that one could easily get lost in.

You can here see a post with pics we have that remind us of our hs.

We also had NPCs of course - most of them been persecutors, not just background characters, so we wouldn't have to be them as alters. We had animals too but currently we only have horses. We were all "written" - explanation of how we formed and our stories happened plus aunt Vinnie been writing down some important stuff - our host loved books. We touched the host/been close to co-front and some things been attached to us somehow (mentioned parts) later by being ripped off of her (not limbs, dw). Host herself been seen yet unconscious in head space - like a person who sits/lays down there paralysed - sometimes screamed when angry (internal screaming) or walked without looking where but rarely. She didn't saw anything there before finding out about a system - just rarely heard (voices/thoughts that didn't belong to her) or experienced loss of control or felt emotions that weren't her. She didn't remember some stuff of course as well that either we had easier access too or nobody had it until therapy and digging deeper. Some stuff been coming back only as flashbacks while triggered. We had superpowers (reason of trauma) and turn[ed] into animals (our host been fascinated by those but the fact we are them is also a reason of trauma, just her knowledge helped becoming those). We are also angels but don't have our wings at all times. We had spooks - black floating dust/ghosts/clouds that formed into shape that were bleeding black goo - those were fragments but most of them were evil like intrusive thoughts or phobias and bad memories. They were too dangerous to keep though as well as NPCs so we decided after awhile to fix our inner world. I came back from dormancy so I could work on the computer that I left around middle school - it was supposed to help us front and note stuff. I also recently made bots that teleport us so we can faster access the front or other alters. They look like apple shaped drones and float above our heads (not at all times). Sadly us getting rid of NPCs and so persecutors created problems. That is an illness and the fact we didn't process trauma it had to find a way to exist so it made a layer with NPCs for example or made our house/city we lived in even more dangerous - like for example building's wall could swallow you and rooms squash you inside or plants been attacking us etc. which I won't go into details of as it's drastic and personal as well as hard to explain.

Now it's much safer as we worked hard to stabilise our mind. Therapy helped but also overthinking/analysis/autoreflection (which has bad side to it of course too) and leaving toxic relationships that were mostly causing us dissociative attacks for example and provoked our unhealthy behaviors (BPD). We also had ocd and our obsessive thoughts and delusions been stopping us from progress. We have a smaller house that we refused to build due to fact we wanted everything to happen naturally. It's just a fixed version of the old one. Still we have our old ballroom we had parties in but now it's mostly an ice rink to skate. We might draw you that building but because rainbow system lives in the city away from us we are unsure if they will move in and everything will shift again. While some alters been going into dormancy or falling apart then also their rooms been disappearing...

*We have problems with aphantasia so it's hard for us to see details so we use pictures of people similar to us to be able to visualise ourselves better in our head.

Somebody once asked me how it feels to see hs. It's a bit like an image from a projector or like when you imagine things in your head but not at all times - only when I try to look. Reminder - head space isn't imagination as we have no control over others and what is happening there. We still can imagine stuff but those don't happen in the inner world. Not every system has a head space and some therapists say it's good to create one but it's probably better to look for one first instead of making one above the one that can be hidden. It's good to look at this particular scene to know how it looks inside and outside but careful! it's drastic.

[thyandrawrites]

it really was pointless!!!! Toga has his blood, he should have anticipated it! The first clone Toga makes (not her actually transforming) WILL have Jin's personality, memories, etc. He'll be "back" temporarily, and could make infinite clones ESPECIALLY since we know Jin's clones can be used for blood transfusions so she could potentially harvest infinite amounts of blood for keeping the transformation/making sure she can constantly create more clones. There was literally NO point. And Hawks is supposed to be smart enough to have realized this was a possibility given he knew their abilities.

I agree. Hawks should have seen this coming, but I think his oversight (and the Commission's) actually works with his characterization, not in spite of it.

(I hope you don't mind a longer and ramblier response, but your ask gave me food for thought)

Iirc, Toga's powerup, the ability to use the quirk of the people she transforms into, relies on the strong love she feels for them. But Toga is widely perceived as a deviant, and no one except for Jin and the League was ever able to accept her definition of love. In this light, I think it makes a lot of sense for Hawks to underestimate the threat her quirk awakening poses. Hawks never really understood the League as people, or the ties between them as care.

After all, we already have an example of Hawks Othering Dabi because he can't understand his reaction to Twice's death. He never got to know Dabi well enough to learn that he smiles when he cries, and in absence of tears he's just left grinning manically. So when Hawks sees an expression that he cannot immediately categorize as grief, he tells Dabi that this is not what loss should look like, implying that his reaction is heartless, that Dabi's the monster here, not the person who actually struck the killing blow.

Imho Hawks' failure to read any humanity in the League is supposed to mirror hero society's rejection of those that don't fit in. Compare for example his horrified and judgemental shock to the reaction Toga always receives when she drinks blood or otherwise experiences her version of love:

The dehumanization at play is very similar. The basics are: "you're emoting in a way that doesn't fit social norms I'm accustomed to, thus you're a deviant that doesn't conform, and as such, a monster".

Considering how Hawks only offered a chance for a fresh start to Twice, despite his time with them he never really got to see past that superficial impression of the League as violent freaks and murderers. It wouldn't surprise me if his idea of Toga is not to far off from that of the people who covered her childhood home in offensive graffiti.

I'm mentioning all of this because Hawks refused to acknowledge Jin's dying words. The hankie story.

In his dying breaths, Jin was trying to make Hawks see the humanity of the people he befriended in his time with the League. He tells him that heroes always divide people into "the virtuous," aka those deserving their help, and the "downtrodden folk" like the League, who don't. And he tells him that even if society sees his friends as hopelessly inhumane, beyond salvation, it was Toga who helped him at his lowest point, lending him a handkerchief to wrap around his head and ease his fear of splitting up. When the heroes left him to fend for himself until he lost his mind, it was a villain who cared to put him back together.

But Hawks never got to see that side of Toga, or that side of everyone else beyond Jin. He never acknowledged Toga's love as care the same way he recognized Twice's genuine love for his friends.

Hawks' worldview isn't wide enough to accommodate for such gray areas. I've written a post before on how I think Hawks functions on a categorization of people into "good" and "bad" boxes because that's what helped him survive the abuse, and imho this is just another example of it in practice. So he decides that Jin is a good man who was led astray by bad company, and only sees the rest of the League as monsters incapable of being as "good" as Jin.

I think Hawks' failure to foresee the consequences of killing Twice might fit into this narrative. It's not that he lacked any intel to make the connection, or that he had an uncharacteristic moment of stupidity and didn't think of the ramifications of murdering him. But if we read him as sufficiently socially inept to miscalculate the bond between lov members as purely transactional, like his reading of Dabi in relation to Jin, I think it helps understanding his incompetence better.

To put it in simpler terms, maybe it's not that he didn't anticipate that Toga could turn into the people she loves, but he simply didn't think that Toga could love Jin. Cause he assumed her version of caring was something more twisted and freaky than a "normal person's." That it had to be fundamentally different from the way people like him and Twice experienced it.

It's true enough that Toga only ever verbalized her romantic love/obsession for Deku and Ochako. We readers of course know that's not the whole extent of it, and that she draws even more strength and growth from the platonic bonds with the Lov. But it's also true that Hawks never acknowledged the League as a group of people brought together by the necessity of belonging with someone who can accept them for who they are. He just sees the villains, but not the humans underneath. Jin could,

But Hawks doesn't.

In that light, then, when Toga will bring back Twice, that won't just be a moral slap in the face that shows the force of the bond they shared, but it will also nullify Hawks' efforts towards protecting the greater good at the expense of the "downtrodden folks" like Jin.

And in doing so, it might show old guard heroes like Hawks, who represents the HPSC and thus the system itself, the fatal mistake of believing villains aren't human at the end of the day, and exactly what needs changing to have a better future

[runawaycarouselhorse]

Goodbye to Ash and Pikachu and all their friends and rivals and everyone we loved so much for so many years! It was a great ride and it was fun to see different takes and concepts and adventures. It was also wonderful to have a series that's realistic in that the main character tries and struggles and fails, teaching kids it's okay to lose, as long as you get back up and continue trying another day.

A show where most of the heroines can have their own journeys, rivals, goals--they're not cardboard cut-out love interests without lives of their own... where women can hold roles similar to the men (Pokemon Champions, regional Professors, etc.), not just relegated to one or two stereotypical roles, things SO many shounen anime aimed at an older audience fail to do.

Thank you for not shaming kids for crying, thank you for comforting and meaningful lyrics (Soko ni Sora ga Aru Kara, Te wo Tsunagou, Smile, etc.).

Thank you for beautiful stories of characters overcoming trauma and abuse, being saved from or escaping bad situations, and shown genuine love and friendship (Chimchar's storyline and especially the Tears for Fears episode, Larvitar's storyline too, even Tepig's story ending with Evolution by Fire), thank you for stories of kids with phobias and repressed memories and all the recovery stories (Lillie, Sophocles...), the episodes dealing with loss (Mallow's mother), and the characters who were traumatized and couldn't fully overcome those fears but still found their place in the world (the Nurse Joy who feared she would drown as a child in The Joy of Water Pokemon and James with his fear of marriage, where even the word "fiance" triggers flashbacks, not to mention the sound of a whip... but he still found a place of belonging with his friends from Team Rocket), kids who were bullied and ostracized in school (Iris, Regina) but found friendship later on...

What a great show!

I got into this show a bit late (after Pokemania ended, because I was too young when it came out to appreciate it, but I still loved and cried watching the first Pokemon movie and the one cassette I had with four episodes, including Todd Snap's first episode--I think that first Pokemon photographer is why I love taking pictures so much!), but I got into it just as I went through big changes (the divorce of my parents) and trauma of my own, so I got very, very attached to the Team Rocket trio (especially Jessie), as they all had such tragic backstories, but they weren't one-note tragic characters who could never find happiness.

Especially with how Jessie lost her mother very young, being put into foster care by her very poor mother, and spent years being shifted from home to home, every career she pursued ended in failure, until she joined the same gang her mother was in (I don't know if she ever knew that)... but she found true friendship even in a dark place like that.

I also loved Iris and how she had trouble opening up to others because of what she'd been through; she was also a tomboyish girl who loved nature and didn't mind getting dirty and fighting, but also loved pastels, bows, and dressing up!

I also loved Trip and how much he changed from the sweet and happy child he used to be, to someone jaded and cynical and convinced he's an adult (but he's still a child... I also didn't think I was a child anymore at 12), how disappointed he was by meeting his childhood hero again, but also how he began to question what he previously believed and became a better person, even if he'd always be a little distant and awkward and won't be that child again.

I loved and related to Lillie feeling sad when her friends spoke about their mothers, when she rarely saw hers, when she lagged behind the others because her mother wasn't around enough to teach her things like how to cut vegetables, but also took credit for her learning things (in her absence!), the way her feelings were devalued if they weren't logical, so she'd insist any emotion she felt was rational or logical... she even named her Vulpix, in the dub, the same name I gave my cat around her age, a cat I had gotten after I'd just recovered from fearing touching cats (despite loving them since I was small, I was scared, after my mother's cat scratched me out of nowhere and scarred my ankle)! Her recovering the last of her lost memories and overcoming her fears was pure catharsis... beautiful to watch. To say nothing of finally finding her father and even being able to embrace a Nihilego as her sister.

I love them all so, so, so much.

[mortal-mayhem]

˚·*༊Euphoria Collab༊*·˚

Macaque x Reader x Sun Wukong

Warnings: Smut, mention of death, LBD manipulation, overall darker tones, obsessiveness and possessiveness, overstimulation, mention of crying, fear, etc.

Notes: I had so much fun with this! I hope I could get some of the 'backstory' across well. I definitely think it could use some more dark aspects, especially with where I was trying to lean. It was very loosely inspired by The Lotus Maiden by Mereeples on Wattpad, along with the danger of love spells going wrong. I'm excited to see where you take this, @sublieu! ^^

Growing up, your childhood in Lantern City had been joyful and full of mishaps. Rather average. And your parents, having adopted you when you were merely 2 years old, were always loving and kind.

They especially adored the birthmark you had, always saying it's what drew them to you. A small heart on your collar bone.

When they encouraged you to go to college in Megapolis, you thought nothing of it. They wanted you to follow your dreams, supporting you emotionally and, no matter how many times you told them not to, financially.

One day, they weren't answering your calls. You figured they were busy.

Whether they knew where you'd end up or not, your fate was sealed.

You should have never opened your door to the knocking that night.

You should've stayed in your apartment, safe from the cold rain.

But once those cold, empty white orbs met yours, there was no going back.

ㅤ

The next thing you knew, you were opening your eyes.

It was dark, with the only light being a faint blue. Where that light came from was a mystery to you. It was just an empty cave. It seemed to simply.. exist.

And once a small girl came to you, confusion was all you knew.

Strangely enough, you felt no fear. Like it had escaped you entirely. It was a little hard to think.

She told you you'd no longer need it. Not for the destiny that awaited you.

Her story of a new world, free of pain and discomfort, made you listen closely.

There was a sense of familiarity.

Upon asking her why, why it is that you feel like you know her, she smiled.

Of course she'd remember her little helper, she said.

Long ago, she connected your soul to a certain enemy of hers, which you had supposedly agreed to willingly. Doing such in a way, with a special spell, that he'd have no choice but to focus in on you, once you were known of. Now, she has two of those enemies she'd rather have distracted.

She took your hands as she spoke, holding them gently yet firmly. A flash of images and emotions entered your mind at her touch.

Being alone, feeling miserable.

Her offer, feeling grateful.

And the outcome, feeling fearful.

The.. memories, you supposed, were fuzzy. She told you that the fear in them came from their loss.

She had killed you then, before she was locked away. To keep you free from their grasp, she assured.

And, though you were cautious, a part of you was inclined to listen.

You wouldn't be on the battlefield this time, either. All she needed was your image. To have you right where you were.

Your purpose, for the time, was to sit pretty and wait for her to return.

Her assistant had brought you drinks, food, after she left. Whatever you needed.

You recognized his eyes immediately, and he spoke of how honorable it was for you to assist his lady.

He disappeared not long after, too, telling you that his lady was in need.

During your wait, you were able to think again. Your anxiety spiked, and you no longer felt fearless.

And you never saw them again.

Who you did see, however, frightened you beyond belief.

ㅤ

It was unnervingly quiet for a long time.

So, when an explosion shook the cave, causing you to scream and duck behind some stalagmites, your shock was justified.

He stood in the rubble of the cave wall, having burst through it. The sun shone in from the opening, leaving him in an intimidating silhouette.

The dust settled after a while, and neither of you had moved. You remember seeing feathers atop his head, and a.. cape? Gently floating behind him. You didn't dare look out again, however.

"Peaches?"

You tensed, covering your mouth to keep from making noise.

You heard him take some steps, the crunch of the newly made gravel echoing against the walls. Movement from inside the cave caught your attention, and you glanced over. You saw, what you assumed to be, his shadow, moving in time with his steps.

"C'mon, baby.." He breathed. His shadow had a tail, you noticed, and it flicked back and forth, "I know you're in here.."

You heard a faint, almost silent chime. And, within a second, he was in front of you, his eyes fading from a light they previously had. You screeched in fright, falling back on your behind, but he was unbothered.

His golden eyes held adoration, relief, and something else you couldn't quite place.

"There you are," He sighed, speaking mostly to himself as he crouched down.

He reached one of his hands up to hold your chin. You tried to pull back, but his grip pulled you forward. His nails- Claws, more like it- Just barely brushed against your skin.

Of course you knew who this was. What you didn't understand, though, was the pain in your chest that tugged you toward him. Or why he looked at you with such a happy grin.

His touch brought images, emotions, to your mind again. Like before with the girl.

Being alone, feeling miserable.

Her offer, feeling grateful.

Being found, feeling uncertain.

Being betrayed, feeling fearful.

"S'been so long.." He breathed, leaning forward. You saw his shadow, on the wall behind him, sink into the ground out of the corner of your eye.

"I thought I'd never see you again.."

His eyes trailed over you, like he was trying to convince himself you were there. Yet, when they passed your birthmark, his eyes shot back to it immediately.

Taking his hand from your chin and pressing against the mark, he hissed.

"Why are there two?"

Suddenly, you felt yourself falling, and for a moment you couldn't breathe. You couldn't scream.

The next, you were in someone's arms, and the royal from before had a bristled tail in irritation. He was baring his teeth, standing upright in front of you with a growl.

Your chest ached, but you couldn't tell if it was from the sudden lack of oxygen or something else. You breathed heavily as you slowly lifted your head, finding an identical face to the monkey.

His fur was dark, and he held you so tightly it was nearly painful.

"Sorry, Wukong," He spoke mockingly, sharp teeth shining in the sunlight as he grimaced. You felt him pull you closer.

"They aren’t made for just you anymore."

ㅤ

Since then, it's been a tug-of-war between them, you being the rope.

They explained the situation to you, of course. And answered any questions you had.

The spell that connected you to them, how it worked.

But as you asked, sandwiched between them, if there was a way to reverse the spell, their grips on you tightened.

You learned quickly that there was no getting out of this. Not with their compliance. Any time you'd try to leave, try to go home to find your parents, they'd know. And you'd be right back where you started.

They fight over you rather frequently. You've never seen them fight physically, save for the first time you met them, but you still see the bruises and cuts.

The way they glare at eachother while they each hold on to you. They don't hesitate to fight for your affection and attention. They don't hold back, either.

Especially with the challenges they face off in, with you being both the topic and the prize.

ㅤ

"A-ah-!"

Your back arched, pressing your stomach further into the wall in front of you. Your nails left faint scratches in the paint.

Your moans, whimpers, sometimes even screams, filled your bedroom as you felt Macaque press into you, his cock stretching you oh-so perfectly. His tail wrapped around one of your thighs as his hands rest on your hips. You can't remember how many times you've come undone tonight.

"Such pretty sounds you make for me.." He purred, lightly panting. You felt his cum drip out of you, only to be pushed back in as he rolled his hips against your ass with a groan. His chest was pressed into your back, giving him room to press his face into your neck, "All for me.."

You felt him smirk against your skin before giving a long lick, trailing up to the soft spot under your ear.

"Does that feel good, sweet thing?"

You could barely respond with a long moan, feeling his length drag against your walls as he slowly pulled back, only to squeal as he drove his hips forward in a rough thrust, tears pricking your eyes.

He chuckled with a mocking tone, starting to fuck you in a slow, deep, hard pattern. His hands moved, one trailing up to your chest to tease your nipple as the other slid down to your front, playing with that sensitive bundle of nerves.

"You have to answer me, plum," He hummed, nipping your neck as he lightly pinched and twisted his fingers, "How else will I know what you want? Tell me what you want, baby."

You tried to speak, gasping as he gave a particularly harsh thrust just to cut you off, his sadistic chuckle making you whimper.

"Pl-please- fuck, please-" You nearly sobbed, voice pitched high and wavering from the overstimulation, "So good, feel so good, please-"

"Yeah?" He laughed, his hips pressing into yours for a moment, letting himself bottom out before picking you up by your thighs, your face smooshed into the wall and his tail wrapping around your ankle instead. You felt his cock twitch inside of you, before he used the new angle to quickly, deeply rut into your warmth. His voice rasped, almost a growl, "Why don't you cum for me then? Cum all over, make a big mess for me, yeah?"

"Fucking bastard."

You tensed at the harsh voice, eyes widening right before they rolled back. The knot in your stomach snapped, and you let out a long scream as you came, your back arching and pressing your front further into the wall. It's a good thing these apartments were soundproofed.

You felt another gaze on you, and heard a deep growl. You felt yourself shake from both your orgasm and the worry.

"What?" The dark-haired simian chuckled smugly, knowing full well what he's done, "I figured I'd give them a treat before my turn was over. Mark them up a bit, stuff 'em full.."

His cock sliding out of you made you twitch, a small whimper escaping your mouth as his cum slid down your thigh. He still held you up as he pulled you away from the wall, legs spread as he carried you by your knees, leaving you on full display. He turned to face Wukong. Your hands moved to grip onto his forearms, legs shaking as you tried your hardest not to look away. They didn't like when you looked away from them.

"I didn't expect it to last so long! My bad.~"

Wukong stood in your balcony door, the morning light just barely peeking over the adjacent buildings. His eyes glared harshly at his counterpart, softening up as he trailed his eyes over your form. His tail changed from flicking in irritation to swaying in delight at the sight of you. You whimpered as you saw a tent in his pants begin to form.

"Yeah, like I'd believe you didn't do this on purpose," the royal grumbled, sliding the door behind him closed. He crossed his arms, leaning back against the glass. As his eyes slowly met yours, you recognized the same emotion from so long ago that you'd first missed. Desire.

"Well, you know me," Macaque hummed in amusement, deciding to take a seat on your bed, where he slowly inched you back down onto his dick. As your voice quietly echoed in the room, the sensitivity making you almost feel dizzy, he continued, ignoring the king's glare, "Always schemin'.."

He used your legs to hold you up, tilting both you and him back to put you on better display, his tail balancing him on your bed. He slowly brought you up and down, just enough to make you whimper and Wukong glare at him again.

"Too bad I've already filled them up today.~ Looks like you'll have to wait for your breeding session."

Your eyes widened in worry, glancing over your shoulder for a moment, only to look back at Wukong. He kept his gaze on you, his fists clenching in agitation as his eyes darkened.

"Unless.. You wanna see who can fill them most? You can try to get past mine, but.." He trailed off, his smug tone only irritating the king more.

He stopped moving you as he brought his face to your neck once more, leaning his head on your shoulder. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his gaze fall to your 'birthmarks'- The ones that marked you as theirs. His eyes trailed back up to your own, and you shivered. His grin grew as he twitched inside of you from delight.

"What do you say?"

And as Wukong's eyes met yours, ready for a challenge, you knew what his answer was.

[daedrabait]

A little face reference for Faelon, one of my ldb ocs. He's the oc that I post about the most lately, and the one who I ship with Mercer Frey.

Under the cut, I'm gonna include some more in-depth information about him and his backstory. Feel free to read it if you'd like.

Cw for mentions of cannibalism and canon-typical violence.

Faelon's basic info:

Gender: cis male; he/him

Sexuality: bisexual with a masculine lean

Race: Bosmer

Age: he's somewhere in his 40's; exact number unknown due to memory loss

Height: around 5'5" (he will never admit this)

Love interest/who he is shipped with: Mercer Frey

Morality: Very low. He will steal, kill, or manipulate just about anyone who gets in his way if the mood takes him. He helps people almost always for his own gain and to make them more pliable to him/further his reputation - very manipulative. He sometimes spares people but it's almost always at his own whims and depending on his mood. He usually lets people live just because he thinks it's funny or he feels like it, or because it benefits him in some way.

He is a cannibal whose first remembered meal was the flesh of the wizard who had enthralled him. He later becomes the Champion of Namira.

He wears an amulet of Dibella and worships her for elevated blessings of persuasion and seduction.

Stats:

- master stealth archer

- master lockpick

- adept pickpocket

- very high speechcraft

- great alchemist (he learned by trial and error) (eating ingredients and poisoning himself several times)

- moderately decent at enchantment

- wears exclusively light armor

- terrible with melee weapons. Good at brawling, though.

- terrible at magic. Knows only enough to get by and cast apprentice restoration spells.

Backstory:

Faelon's memory of life before waking up in a wizard's cave nearby Riften is completely wiped away by thrall magic. He only finds out who he was and where he's from by meeting Inigo, who is apparently an old companion who shot him with an arrow and left him for dead 10 years ago in order to avoid splitting the reward the person who hired them was offering.

Faelon remembers nothing about who he used to be or where he is from, but he remembers basic things like how to read, write, talk, eat, kill, etc. He also retained his marksmanship skills.

When he awakens, he kills and eats the wizard who was his master and reads her journals, figuring out that he was a thrall and some tiny bits of info about the way he was forced to live. He finds her map and travels to the nearby city of Riften. By traveling to Riften and following Inigo's notes, and then talking to him, Faelon learns his own name and gleans measly information about who he may have been. Inigo also helps Faelon a lot in his early days of confusion, rage, and vulnerability.

He later learns that he has a younger sister named Baela that he raised from childhood before going missing. He doesn't remember her at all, and Inigo had neglected to mention her for fear of making things more complicated and th assumption that they would never come across her again. They reunite in the Ragged Flagon and this makes Faelon's feelings and confusion much more complicated. They eventually form a complicated and shaky bond while travelling together. (I will prob share more about this later)

He ends up joining sides with Mercer Frey and has a complicated physical (and later romantic) relationship with him as they work together to con the Thieves Guild, eliminate their enemies, and steal the Eyes of the Falmer together. (I will very likely make a post exclusively about their relationship in the future)

Personality:

Faelon holds a ton of anger about what happened to him and for being powerless for so long. He will do just about anything to come out on top of everyone else and is very arrogant and self-serving. He's a sadomasochist. He's very flirtatious and manipulative, and he loves exploring new places and collecting wealth and shiny things. He loves blood and gore. He is also very easily amused and will laugh at just about anything.

[jobforameowboy]

a eulogy for lost messages

I can't figure out how to make a neocities/website for journaling so I'll just post entries here ig lol

cw: mention(s) of death & trauma

The state of social media makes me sad, even as someone who doesn't use it much. It makes me sad seeing friends leave and abandon accounts, or deleting them entirely–not only since this now means it'll be difficult for me to keep up with them (see their daily life, various postings no matter how mundane etc,.) but also because I feel like these are pieces, virtual markings being done away with and simply eviscerated.

They hold something precious to me, as someone with a faulty memory and anxieties that can skew my perception. I've struggled with how to put this into words before, but when your own brain is so unreliable, these sorts of more tangible things (letters, gifts, social media postings even) can be so helpful when it comes to grounding yourself and remembering that you are, in fact, cared about, thought of and loved, that there are good people around you etc..

My brother was visiting not too long ago; we had a good talk, though also a painful one touching on & revisiting our childhood traumas, how we are both now seeking therapy and the mention of our possible diagnoses etc.. He mentioned some things–happier things–as well, such as how I supposedly had an Elmo-themed birthday when I was little, but my response to all of these recollections was just,

"I don't remember that."

You don't?

-and no I don't, in all truth–which, is something that frustrates me to no end. More often than not when someone will mention some event from when I was younger or even a mere few years ago, I cannot for the life of me recall it; the only things I can recall, for the most part, are what wounded me, and so I can only half "re-live" these supposed cheerful moments through the eyes of others.

It is agonizing. And something I've been trying to avoid now, to preserve the happier times in my life going forward–including what could be seen as the most minuscule of happenings, such as a text message or funny tweet from a friend. I rely on screenshots a lot, but I will directly visit profiles and pages of my friends, too. Screenshots, however, aren't always reliable either, because guess what.

I fucking forget to take them.

Do you see what I'm getting at?

I want to remember. I don't want to lose even more. I don't want my happiness to be so short-lived and easily cast into the wind, because my body is broken.

My brain is my enemy, and so I deeply treasure these little things: a log of texts, an exchange of bad jokes between me and a friend, a meme that made me chuckle, a post I was tagged in or being able to revisit a tweet where I first interacted with someone I now love deeply.

It is a loss as I see it, whenever someone in my life decides to terminate an account or page of theirs, though I understand it is their decision, and I respect this wholly; it is a sadness I often keep to myself, because I know it is selfish.

I mourn these websites, I mourn the text(s) I accidentally deleted, I mourn the post I forgot to snap a picture of, I mourn the loss of digital markings of one's existence for it carries the same weight.

The burden of my heart is a very real fear that if I cannot view or look at past postings, videos or such of theirs, I will forget–I will forget the impact they had on my life, I will forget the sound of their voice, I will forget the jokes we laughed at.

I know you were there, but what will I remember? What will you leave behind?

[zorilleerrant]

in honor of disability pride month, some batkid disability headcanons for everyone (leaving out the PTSD. we know they all have PTSD.):

Dick:

ADHD (worse since the head injury)

dyslexia

night terrors

there’s part of his leg that he injured too many times in the same place, and he just can’t feel it anymore. it’s not paralyzed but all the sensations in his lower leg are just haywire

Babs:

I’m strongly of the opinion that her mobility is wildly variable; she still uses the chair most days and relies more on upper than lower body strength even when she doesn’t. her suits have built-in mobility aids to help her move her legs the way she wants

OCD. started Oracle as a coping mechanism

chronic back pain, chronic leg pain since her surgery

maladaptive daydreamer, but it’s unrelated to any of the rest of her neurodivergence so it freaks her out a little

Jason:

limited range of motion in his back, arms, and neck

chronic pain. used to be localized to the same place before the Pit, but now it’s kind of everywhere

anxiety of multiple flavors

part of his forehead is paralyzed, where the white streak is. not usually an issue, but sometimes he has trouble telling he’s injured

hearing loss - allover, but more in the upper range of his hearing. he can hear extremely high pitched sounds though, which unfortunately are also a type of sounds to give him panic attacks

vivid hallucinations: auditory, visual, and tactile

alcohol addiction

claustrophobia

because of the Pit, his tolerance to heat and cold has gone up, but his sensitivity to them has gone down, so even when it’s outside his range of tolerance he doesn’t notice and has to set alerts to remind himself

sleep paralysis

Tim:

insomnia. often leads to sleep deprivation psychosis

GAD. magical thinking related to this means he’s unable to reference certain topics out loud or written

phobia of horses

extremely touchy immune system, pretty much constantly sick. no one’s sure if he has low grade asthma or just another cold

Steph:

some kind of stomach problem that she figures isn’t actually a problem because she mostly eats fairly processed foods anyway, but it sometimes means she feels sick and can’t eat enough

extremely sensitive skin. constantly gets rashes if she wears the wrong clothes. subsequently afraid to change soaps etc.

but everyone can’t move their pinkies, right? I mean everyone can’t move their pinky toes, it’s the same, right?

memory problems of ambiguous nature

Cass:

trouble talking, yes, but actually has selective mutism on top of that. it takes a while for anyone to work that out

chronic pain, especially in her joints

hypermobility from all her training as a kid, which has also led to some of her bones not fusing like they should

ASPD. her extreme low empathy leads to her highly detailed ability to read expressions and body language, but also her difficulty in making the shift from acquaintance to friend

extremely low self-esteem and anxiety related to how people perceive sociopaths in society

lactose intolerant

Duke:

bad enough tree nut allergy he constantly carries an epipen

visual impairment he unconsciously compensates for using his powers, so hasn’t been discovered yet

sensitivity and lowered flexibility of one of his ankles, from when he broke his ankle as a kid

Damian:

every kind of attachment disorder ever proposed

hyperempathy, leading to difficulty in decision-making, impulsivity, trouble forming friendships, and love for pets

chronic pain in his spine, accompanied by loss of movement caused by the inflammation. sometimes uses a wheelchair

unrelated chronic pain in his hands and feet from repeated childhood punishments. exacerbated by carpal tunnel

phobia of snakes

fear of poison(ing) which would also be classified as a phobia except that it’s a trauma response

depression

extreme sensitivity to bright light, partial blindness caused by being raised mostly in low light environments

numerous food sensitivities and inability to deal with certain textures. very reluctant to try new foods

dyscalculia

[bitehq]

✕ ⸻ 𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝙻𝙴𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝙳 𝙱𝙸𝚃𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄, SAM LOCKWOOD...

...but just in case, jack, you have 24 hours to tell us your preferred resting place. nice to see you around, inde navarrette look-alike !

⸻ OOC INFO:

jack, 27, they/them, est , n/a [+ alexander canmore ward wc ]

⸻   BASIC

inde navarrette. 21. cis woman. she/her. ― i see you met SAM LOCKWOOD, huh? they have been around for… well, it will be ONE YEAR IN SAFEZONE, now. time flies when you are busy and as part of THE MEDICS(IN-TRAINING), they are. if you want to meet them, they live in H4A, i think. people say they are ALTRUISTIC + INTUITIVE, but don’t piss them off, okay? because they can be also INSECURE + ANXIOUS, so be safe. 

⸻  BACKGROUND

(cult tw) sam was raised in a very religious household, the kind where every aspect of daily life somehow related back to the christian faith. multiple services per week, youth clubs, bible studies, day and summer camps, events, etc. the only world she knew from the day she was born was her church community, urged to never stray from her faith.

when the world ended and the dead started walking, sam was nine years old. she remembers being woken up in the middle of the night and rushed to their church for an emergency prayer service. the broken voices of her friends and family echoed throughout that large sanctuary, an ominous memory in that candlelit room. they would go on to establish a safe haven of their own, believing themselves to be soldiers of god — left behind in the end times to lead those that are still lost to him. however, they were doomed to fall from the beginning. too trusting to those that felt at home in this new world, a now ten year old sam stood alone in the ashes of the person she used to be.

had she never met alexander, she quickly would have become one of the dead very quickly following the loss of her family and community. however, he took her under his wing and taught her how to survive. it took some time to shake her old habits and beliefs about the world, but soon she was a skilled and notable companion, straying from the violence but drawn to caring for her people.

ever since arriving at the domus spei about a year ago, sam has been working as a medic-in-training, with the hopes of joining the large supply raids in the future. while she feels at ease within the walls of the domus spei, she also feels the need to go back out into the world and experience it. to not let her fear overtake her again. sam is so pure and wholesome, it's a surprise how she's survived as long as she has.

⸻  HEADCANONS

she keeps an old cassette player that belonged to her mom attached to her hip, collecting any cassettes she could get her hands on while on the road. she always has her headphones on while moving about the domus spei, although a telltale sign that she's out of batteries is when it's not on her person at all.

she started training as a medic a few months ago and chose this route because she has always just wanted to help people, not harm them. although she has had to take a life to protect her people, that one event was enough for her to make that personal vow unless absolutely necessary.

she loves to whittle wood in her spare time. she just sits around the domus spei with her knives and little pieces of wood, and makes little cute creatures out of them. gives them to other people as gifts. she also carries around a very small and weathered carving of a frog as her good luck charm.

⸻  WANTED CONNECTION

THE INVISIBLE STRING ; a memory from childhood, a familiar face she's seen before — once before the world ended and another on the road. they never address the familiarity, yet they both remember it in the back of their minds. they're drawn to each other and have become friends since both of their arrivals in the domus spei. it's a protective dynamic and sam typically worries about the other heavily, especially if their job has them leaving the domus spei for extended periods of time. 

[justadaddybear]

Disney Princess and Mental Disorders

Snow White - Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) --Constant, irrational worry about dirt, germs, or contamination. --Excessive concern with order, arrangement, or symmetry. --Fear that negative or aggressive thoughts or impulses will cause personal harm or harm to a loved one. --Feeling overly responsible for the safety of others. --Cleaning — Repeatedly washing one’s hands, bathing, or cleaning household items, often for hours at a time. --Mental rituals — Endless reviewing of conversations, counting; repetitively calling up “good” thoughts to neutralize “bad” thoughts or obsessions; or excessive praying and using special words or phrases to neutralize obsessions.

Cinderella - Complex Trauma --Situations causing the kind of traumatic stress that can lead to C-PTSD-like symptoms include captivity or entrapment (a situation lacking a viable escape route for the victim), as well as psychological manipulation (gaslighting and/or false accusations), which can result in a prolonged sense of helplessness and deformation of one’s identity and sense of self. --Variations in consciousness, including forgetting traumatic events (i.e., psychogenic amnesia), reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation), or having episodes of dissociation. --Changes in self-perception, such as a chronic and pervasive sense of helplessness, paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt, self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings. --Varied changes in the perception of the perpetrator, such as attributing total power to the perpetrator (caution: victim’s assessment of power realities may be more realistic than clinician’s), becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, including a preoccupation with revenge, idealization or paradoxical gratitude, a sense of a special relationship with the perpetrator or acceptance of the perpetrator’s belief system or rationalizations. --Alterations in relations with others, including isolation and withdrawal, persistent distrust, a repeated search for a rescuer, disruption in intimate relationships, and repeated failures of self-protection. --Loss of, or changes in, one’s system of meanings, which may include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Alice - Schizophrenia --Hallucinations --Delusions --Thought disorders (unusual or dysfunctional ways of thinking) --“Flat affect” (reduced expression of emotions via facial expression or voice tone) --Reduced feelings of pleasure in everyday life --Difficulty beginning and sustaining activities --Poor “executive functioning” (the ability to understand information and use it to make decisions) --Trouble focusing or paying attention --Problems with “working memory” (the ability to use information immediately after learning it)

Sleeping Beauty - Maladaptive Daydreaming --An extensive fantasy activity that replaces human interaction and/or interferes with academic, interpersonal, or vocational functioning. --Daydreaming excessively in a way that is often compared to an addiction. This excessive daydreaming often begins in childhood. --Books, movies, music, video games, and other media may be a daydreaming trigger. --The daydreaming itself is often detailed and elaborate, sometimes compared to a movie or novel --Repetitive movements while daydreaming are common (but not always present in sufferers) — pacing, rocking, spinning, shaking something in their hand, etc. --They may sometimes talk, laugh, cry, gesture, or make facial expressions as they daydream. People suffering from this know the difference between daydreaming and reality, and do not confuse the two; this makes them distinctly different from psychotics or schizophrenics. --Some people will lie in bed for hours daydreaming and may either have difficulty going to sleep because of this or have difficulty getting out of bed once awake. They may also neglect basic functions such as regular meals, showering, and other daily activities because of their daydreaming.

Ariel - Disposophobia --They hold onto a large number of items that most people would consider useless or worthless --Their home is cluttered to the point where many parts are inaccessible and can no longer be used for their intended purpose --Get into a lot of arguments with family members regarding the clutter --Strong urges to save items and/or distress associated with discarding

Belle - Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) --People with SPD are often aloof, cold, and indifferent, which causes interpersonal difficulty. Most individuals diagnosed with SPD have trouble establishing personal relationships or expressing their feelings meaningfully. --They may remain passive in the face of unfavorable situations --When the individual’s personal space is violated, they feel suffocated and feel the need to free themselves and be independent. --It is possible for schizoid individuals to form relationships with others based on intellectual, physical, familial, occupational, or recreational activities as long as these modes of relating do not require or force the need for emotional intimacy, which the affected individual will reject. --Schizoid individuals prefer to make relationships on their own terms and not in terms of the impulses of other people. Failing to attain that, they prefer isolation --Consistent preference for solitary activities --Indifference to social norms and conventions. --Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection

Jasmine - Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) --Includes at least four symptoms from any of these categories — angry and irritable mood; argumentative and defiant behavior; or vindictiveness --Occurs with at least one individual who is not a sibling --Causes significant problems at work, school, or home --Occurs on its own, rather than as part of the course of another mental health problem, such as a substance use disorder, depression, or bipolar disorder --Often loses temper --Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others --Is often angry and resentful --Often argues with adults or people in authority --Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adult's requests or rules --Often deliberately annoys people --Is often spiteful or vindictive --Has shown spiteful or vindictive behavior at least twice in the past six months --Blatant hostility towards others --Being unwilling to compromise or negotiate --Frequent frustration --Difficulty concentrating --Failure to “think before speaking or acting” --Difficulty making friends --Loss of self-esteem --Persistent negativity --Consistent feelings of annoyance

Pocahontas - Depression --Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation. --Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure. --Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves. --Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete. --Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes. --Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports. --Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things. --Withdrawing from family members or people around you --Can be brought about by trauma or loss

Mulan - Atelophobia --Feelings of unreality or of being detached from oneself --Fear of failing --Pessimistic view on the outcome of situations before it happens --Low self-esteem --Extreme disappointment if one fails at something --Responding unrealistically to a situation --Depression --Constant worrying about upcoming activities --An overbearing amount of fear --Unhealthy excessive emotions, such as anger, sadness, jealousy, and hurt --The desire to abruptly leave the situation --Accelerated heart rate --Trembling or shaking --Increased muscle tension --Constant restlessness --Nervous mannerisms

Tiana - Workaholism --Preoccupation with work; constant thoughts or even discussions about work issues at inappropriate times --Withdrawal from social activities --Loss of interest in hobbies or other enjoyable activities --Working despite a need for sleep or even food --Working when extremely tired or even when ill --Loss of ability to relax --Inability to trust colleagues or subordinates to do work that they can perform on your behalf --Workaholics see work as a way to distance themselves from unwanted feelings and relationships. --Workaholics believe that work is more important than anything else in their lives, including family and friends. --Workaholics get excitement from meeting impossible demands --Hard workers can take breaks from work while workaholics can’t. They think about work regardless of what they’re doing or who they’re with. --Workaholics are intense, energetic, competitive and driven --Workaholics have self-doubts --Workaholics prefer work to leisure --Workaholics work anytime, anywhere --Workaholics blur the line between business and pleasure. As a consequence, it’s not uncommon for workaholics to have major health problems including stress-induced illnesses, chronic fatigue, and increased anxiety levels

Rapunzel - Bipolar Disorder --Difficulty concentrating, remembering, and making decisions --Fatigue, decreased energy, being “slowed down” --Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness --Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism --Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping --Persistently sad, anxious, or “empty” moods --Restlessness, irritability --Disconnected and very fast (racing) thoughts --Grandiose beliefs --Inappropriate elation or euphoria --Inappropriate irritability --Inappropriate social behavior --Increased talking speed or volume --Markedly increased energy --Poor judgment --A decreased need for sleep due to high-energy --Extreme focus on projects at work or at home --Exuberant and elated mood --Increased confidence --Increased creativity and productivity --Reckless behaviors --Risky pleasure-seeking behaviors --Mood swings

Anna - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD, ADD) --Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another --Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless they are doing something enjoyable --Not seem to listen when spoken to --Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly --Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others --Struggle to follow instructions. --Fidget and squirm in their seats --Talk nonstop --Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight --Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time --Be constantly in motion --Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities. --Be very impatient --Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences --Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games --Often interrupt conversations or others’ activities.

Elsa - Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) --Hypersensitivity to rejection/criticism --Self-imposed social isolation --Extreme shyness or anxiety in social situations, though the person feels a strong desire for close relationships --Avoids physical contact because it has been associated with an unpleasant or painful stimulus --Feelings of inadequacy --Severe low self-esteem --Self-loathing --Mistrust of others --Emotional distancing related to intimacy --Highly self-conscious --Self-critical about their problems relating to others --Problems in occupational functioning --Lonely self-perception, although others may find the relationship with them meaningful --Feeling inferior to others --In some extreme cases, agoraphobia --Uses fantasy as a form of escapism to interrupt painful thoughts --Persistent and pervasive feelings of tension and apprehension --Restrictions in lifestyle because of the need to have physical security

[grim-echoes]

would it be cool of me to ask you to share those questionnaires? I love that shit

sure! i have one saved that i found a long time ago (i don't remember the original author, unfortunately) that i cut down and changed around for brevity; the personal personal profile i use references it heavily but also has sections for abilities and talents, misc notes, narrative information + timeline, expanded relationships section, some questions omitted and changed since they're made redundant by a visual ref or just not really worth it, etc.--might post that one too if people wanted it?

plain text questionnaire under the cut, with a docs link here for instant easy editing (go to file -> make a copy to use your own, downloading the file should work too)

BASIC ATTRIBUTES

Name: Nickname(s)/Alias(es): Age: Gender: Sexual Orientation: Date of Birth: Race/Ethnicity: Nationality: Current Residence:

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS

Height: Weight: Eye Color: Hair Color/Style: Skin Tone: Shape of Face: Distinguishing Features: Health: Physical disabilities/medical issues: Fashion: Mannerisms/Tics: Habits: Voice: Speech patterns:

BACKGROUND

Place of Birth: Previous Residence: Parents' Race/Ethnicity/Nationality: Parents' Religion: Parents' Occupation: Birth Order: Family Members: Socioeconomic Level as a Child: Socioeconomic Level as an Adult:

HISTORY

Describe the character's childhood: Describe the character's life before the story began: Describe the character's family life: Describe the character's culture and how it affected them: Biggest influences in life: (People, events, etc.) Best memory: Worst memory: Deepest regret:

RELATIONSHIPS

Relationship skills: Parents: Siblings: Children: Significant Other: Close Friends: Friends: Rivals: Enemies: Behavior towards strangers: Behavior towards loose acquaintances: How are they perceived by… Strangers?: Acquaintances?: Their friends?: Their family?: Colleagues?: Lovers?:

PSYCHOLOGY

Educational background: Learning experiences: Intelligence level: Short-term goals: Long-term goals: Other goals unrelated to the story: Motivations: Self-image: Mental illnesses/disabilities: Strengths: Weaknesses: Best quality: Biggest flaw: What makes the character feel… Happy? Angry? Upset? Afraid?: Embarrassed?: Insecure?: How does the character deal with… Anger?: Sadness?: Conflict?: Change?: Loss?: Fears/phobias: Introverted or extroverted?: Thinking or feeling?: Contradictions in the character's actions: Who do they most admire/emulate?: Is there anything in the character's life they wish to change?: Sense of humor: Deepest secret/wildest fantasy:

PHILOSOPHY & MORALITY

Attitudes toward… Self: Others: Friendship: Sex: Love: Family: Marriage: Their country: The world: Religion: Political philosophy: Conservative/Traditional/Liberal/Radical?: Public causes supported/protested: Politically active/apathetic?: Superstitions?: Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life?

LIFESTYLE & INTERESTS

Occupation: Income: Attitude towards job: Accomplishments: Hobbies: Clubs/organizations belonged to: Favorite… Musical artist?: TV show?: Movie?: Literature?: Food?: Beverage?: Describe their living quarters:

[writingraven]

Writing Knowledge

Effects of Trauma

warnings: mental health

↦ everyone experiences trauma differently, but these are just a few ways it may present itself

↦ people may also experience these on a different timeline; for example, hypervigilance may be experienced right after the event, but chronic pain may occur years down the line

↦ effects also depend on age during event (& whether they received adequate treatment afterwards); if it occurred during childhood, someone may not experience these effects until years later when they begin to effectually process the trauma

↦ however you decide to portray it is fully up to you, as the writer, just make sure it connects to them and flows within your story

✹

⇥ avoidance

⇥ chronic pain

⇥ craving control

⇥ cynicism

⇥ decreased concentration

⇥ delusions

⇥ depersonalization

⇥ depression

⇥ derealization

⇥ dissociation

⇥ eating disorders

⇥ excessive intellectualization

⇥ fatigue

⇥ fear of being like the abuser someday

⇥ fear of loved ones being like the abuser

⇥ feelings of emptiness

⇥ flashbacks

⇥ flinching

⇥ generalized anxiety

⇥ guilt

⇥ headaches

⇥ hopelessness

⇥ hypervigilance

⇥ impulsivity

⇥ insomnia

⇥ intrusive thoughts

⇥ irritability

⇥ isolation

⇥ loss of core values/beliefs

⇥ loss of interest

⇥ loss of self identity

⇥ memory loss

⇥ need for sense of security

⇥ negative world view

⇥ neglecting responsibilities

⇥ nightmares

⇥ note: nightmares are rarely reliving trauma; oftentimes it’s anything that recreates the same emotional reaction (fear/panic) from the event; it’s also common to include loved ones doing heinous acts

⇥ numbness

⇥ outbursts

⇥ overwhelming emotion

⇥ panic attacks

⇥ paranoia

⇥ people-pleasing

⇥ poor emotional regulation

⇥ poor hygiene habits

⇥ reckless behavior

⇥ seeking escapism

⇥ self-destructive behavior

⇥ self-doubt

⇥ sex-drive changes

⇥ substance abuse

⇥ suicidal ideation

⇥ trouble forming healthy relationships

⇥ withdrawing

⇥ possible diagnosis: adjustment disorders, anxiety disorders, attachment disorders, depression, personality disorders; (asd, bpd, did, ptsd, etc.)

[sentientsoupcan]

More Sirimione Works To Read

I've seen a lot of people fall in love with Debt of Time recently and would like to read more Sirius x Hermione fics, well fear not! Here are some completed recs that are works of art! Please mind the tags and descriptions!

The Way Home by MissGraceOMalley | 130k Complete (AO3) The war was over and Hermione Granger was focused on making the best of the wizarding world. When she's hurled back in time, what will happen with a certain Marauder?

The Side Effects of Time Travel by MaryRoyale | 33.7k Complete (AO3) Too much loss and too much suffering drove a desperate Hermione Granger to make a bid for a different outcome. Albus Dumbledore had once told her that it was dangerous to meddle with time, but Hermione was willing to sacrifice everything--up to and including herself--to change fate and create a better world for those she loved.

Perhaps she ought to have asked Dumbledore to clarify the dangers of meddling with time.

The Remains by jbirdpuff | 184k Complete (FanFiction) The Second Wizarding War ends way sooner than anticipated and everyone in the order is dead save one Hermione Granger. Severus Snape in an effort to fulfill Dumbledore's dying instructions, sends her back in time to the beginnings of the first Wizarding War. Eventual Sirimione, Minor Remione.

Promise to the Past by ADHARYN | 162k Complete (FanFiction) When the wizarding war takes a dark turn, Hermione is thrown back into the past- straight to Potter Cottage in Godric's Hollow. Now she has the chance to change everything for the better, even if it means erasing the childhood she treasured and writing her friends out of her life. But when her presence alters the timeline, she has to prove to the Order the truth of her future.

Roundabout Destiny by MaryRoyale | 195k Complete (FanFiction) Hermione's destiny is altered by the Powers that Be. She is cast back to the Marauder's Era where she is Hermione Potter, the pureblood fraternal twin sister of James Potter. She retains Hermione Granger's memories, and is determined to change her brother's fate for the better. Obviously AU. Starts in their 1st year. M for language, minor violence, etc.

Zest by LJ Summers | 124k Complete (FanFiction) Sirius Orion Black took the charge of raising Harry to heart in every way, becoming a pillar of Wizarding Britain. Somewhere along the way, though, he forgot his Marauder side . . . until he meets his soulmate in a surprising place. AU because I change, oh, a LOT of canon. Please read the Author's Notes!

Some WIPs:

Approaching Paradox by blissedoutvixen | 199k WIP (FanFiction) At the beginning of an already hectic third year, thirteen year old Hermione Granger is wrenched back in time to 1973 after an accident with her time turner. But if Sirius Black grows up to be a mass murderer, why does Hermione find herself so drawn to him? And why does Peter Pettigrew make her so uneasy? Eventual SBHG. Very slow burn. Now rated 'M'.

Sirius Black and the Girl With Terrible Hair by JellyBellys | 135k WIP (FanFiction) Sirius Black's life has gone completely haywire. Disowned. Related to Death Eaters. His brother hates him and his best friend is a stalker. Lucky for him, he's never had problems with a girl. Until now.

The Repeat by MS976 | 134K WIP (AO3) What she was about to do was dark, really, truly dark in a way she never usually would have considered, but they had no other choice.

Everything goes wrong and faced with no other options Hermione makes an almost impossible decision — to start again.

And other Hermione x Marauder works that are my favorites and deserve ALL the recognition:

Yesterday is Tomorrow (everything is connected) by IAM_Kneazle | 230k WIP (AO3) James Potter went five years at Hogwarts without realizing Lily had a little sister. Hermione would have preferred if he never realized she existed. Now she's stuck, in Potter's circle of awareness, and maintaining the timeline. Not like he makes it easy, or something. (for more James Potter x Hermione Granger, I highly recommend checking out all of CelestialSeaWitch's work, they're awesome!)

Coming Home by thewritingferret | 249k WIP (FanFiction) "Did I ever tell you she's my mate?" Remus said so quietly that the potions master almost didn't catch it. Hermione finds herself being thrown back in time for her final year to walk the halls with non other that the marauders. Little does she know, shes been there before.

There are so many more incredible works out there, but these are some of my favorites! Enjoy!

[arctichotch]

spencer reid x gn!reader fluff alphabet

feel free to send more requests! 

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

there is not a single thing about you that spencer doesn’t adore about you tbh but he loves how you love him if that makes sense?? he loves that you’re like one of the first people in his life that he’s met that actually listen to him and don’t interrupt him when he starts spewing information out

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

he loves your lips tbh he just likes to kiss them and then when you’re not kissing he likes to think about kissing you

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

this man is a mad man for cuddling. he’s like a cuddle addict. any way he can have you securely in his arms is what he likes. but he does particularly enjoy having you tucked into his side with his arm around your shoulders and yours around his waist. he thinks this position is perfect.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

he likes to go out to some little hole in the wall restaurant where he knows it will be nice and quiet. then after dinner he likes to take you out for a nice walk where the two of you talk about anything and everything

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

he tries to be as open as possible with you. spencer being spencer has read a lot about relationships and is well aware of how important communication is in a relationship. he couldn’t bare ever losing you so if something is going on he makes an effort to talk to you about it

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

spencer would love kids. he has 100% day dreamed about your future together with little kids running around

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

he loves to give meaningful gifts. he remembers early on into your relationship when you got him a first edition print of a book he had been talking about for months and he remembers how he felt like his heart was going to burst. so he definitely tries to give as much as he can to you. he is a king at birthday gifts.

but to him, gifts have to have some kind of meaning. he’s not a materialistic kind of guy.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

spencer’s hands are *so* big so when you’re holding hands with him his hands completely envelop yours. he likes to always be holding your hands. in the elevator on your way to the bau office? he’s got your hand. walking down the street? he’s got your hand. it makes him feel safe

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

spencer would be a total mess. he’s lost so much and can’t comprehend a world without you in it. so yeah he’s a mess. constantly going over statistics in his mind until someone nearly has to slap him out of his own mind. 

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

if you are shorter than him then he likes to pat you on the head as a joke or hold things above him until you give him a kiss to earn it back.

if you are the same height/taller than him, he likes to sneak up behind you and wrap you in his arms. it always makes you jump a bit but as time has gone on you’ve learned to hear him come.

he also likes to show you his physics magic and wow you with that.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

spencer loves a good spur of the moment kiss. loves to kiss you on the jet when no one else has arrived yet. loves to kiss you just as the elevator doors are about to open. he just loves kissing you. it’s like he needs it as much as he needs to breathe.

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

everything spencer does is with his love for you in his mind. dangerous unsub? he will make an effort to keep an eye on you even more than usual. he loves to show you things from his childhood like books he liked to read. he loves making dinner for you and surprising you with things like that.

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

probably one of your few days off from work when you were both in his apartment cuddled on the couch. you watching tv or reading and him reading a book. he remembers in that moment feeling like everything in his life had finally come together.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

losing you. spencer is no stranger to loss but to lose you? he doesn’t think he could ever recover from that

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

well... i mean it’s spencer. the man is made up of perfect quirks. but probably how excited he gets when reciting one of the numerous facts he has in his big brain.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

he calls you by your nickname for the most part but he also sometimes comes up with random nicknames of cute things he sees. like that one week when all he did was call you duck.

you call him spence or babe which always makes him blush.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

he loves reading with you. on the couch or in bed in one of your apartments. could be different books or the same one, either way he loves it. if you’re sharing a book, he obviously reads the page a lot faster than you and in that time while he’s waiting to change the page he loves to watch you. he just loves you.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

falling in love by cigarettes after sex

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

as i said in ‘Emotions,’ spencer tries to be as open as possible with you. he doesn’t like secrets because he knows they only lead to negative outcomes.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

it took a good while for you both to realise that there were feelings there that were more than just best friends. it seems everyone else knew before you. and when you both finally did realise there were feelings there, it took another while before you actually acted on them

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

spencer being spencer notices immediately when you feel upset. the smallest things let him know. and he hates it. he never wants you to feel sad so he will do anything he can to help you feel better. a favourite of his is to run you a nice, hot bath and make your favourite dinner. then spend the evening cuddling together. he’ll always try to get you to talk through whatever upset you.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

spencer is quite modest for a genius. he doesn’t like to flaunt how smart he is, or how young he was getting into the FBI. the only thing he ever shows off is his knowledge of everything but you don’t even think he realises when he does it.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

he’d fight for you and with you any day. for the rest of your lives together.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

spencer can tell when the slightest things is off with you and he can tell when you are feeling positive. he just knows you so well. he has known you for ages and is very in tune with your feelings.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

i think he would be nervous which would lead to him spouting off different facts about marriage. “did you know 50% of marriages end in divorce?” and you’ll laugh because where did that come from? then he pulls out a ring. “wanna be in the other 50% with me?”

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

you. just simply being in your presence makes him feel calm. he feels his heart rate slow and his mind calm down. you are all he needs to feel calm and relaxed.

[maulusque]

Clone genetic enhancement ideas

So the clones were genetically enhanced, but i don’t really see any writers (in fanfic or in published stuff) really exploring what that MEANS beyond “clone very stronk”. Here are some ideas that would actually make clones significantly different from just a regular-ass human in peak condition. 

-enhanced senses: eyesight, hearing, etc. I’m talking eyes like a HAWK

-better reflexes

-quicker information processing

-can hear sounds of higher and lower frequency than standard humans

-can see light of a broader spectrum than human standard

-learn quicker, retain information and skills better (potential problem: if you learn something the WRONG way, that way might stick really well)

-photographic memory (really useful for memorizing layouts and maps)

-immunity to various diseases

-can tolerate a wider range of temperatures and environments

-increased stamina and strength baseline. Clones can just run full-tilt for hours and hours and be like “ah a nice stroll”. Over long distances, they can out-pace jedi in the same way that humans can out-pace horses.

-higher tolerance of certain poisons/toxins (clones can straight-up drink ethanol, and get maybe a little tipsy)

-bodies respond quickly to physical stress, and slowly to the absence of it (basically, this means that physical conditioning results in stronger muscles and a stronger cardiovascular system really quickly, and it takes MUCH longer for a clone to lose strength and conditioning due to not exercising than standard humans. Think how much valuable training time is saved if they only have to go on a run like, once a month in order to stay in shape)

-increased ability to function through intense pain and acute injuries. Basically, semi-disabling the pain system so it’s less distracting. Probably not good for the survival of the individual in many situations, but an advantage on the battlefield. 

-heal faster and better, with fewer long-term complications. Clones can dislocate their shoulders and NOT have the joint be permanently fucked up, because the Kaminoans re-designed the whole damn thing to suck WAY less.

-actually, unique internal anatomy. There’s probably a lot about the human body besides the shoulder joint that is actually just really stupid, and something no intelligent designer would actually build. So the Kaminoans can fix a lot of that stuff. Better knees, maybe. Stronger ribs. Maybe Cody punches droids not just because he’s a mad bastard, but also because his metatarsals are literally as strong as steel. 

-Hearing loss/hearing damage? No problem, your ear can regrow those little hair-thingies that help you hear. 

-Of course, it takes energy to maintain muscle mass, which is why human bodies lose it if we’re not using it. Clones need significantly more calories than standard humans. However, their digestive systems are enhanced to extract calories and nutrients from food much more efficiently, so food goes much farther. Potential weird side effect: maybe clones only have to poop like, once a week?

-You could probably extend that into increased ability to tolerate long periods without food/on low rations, despite the increased need for calories. 

-wouldn’t it be NEAT if the kaminoans somehow designed self-repairing DNA. This would mean that others couldn’t take a DNA sample from a clone and modify it to create their own clones (basically, it protects their product. It’s like DRM for clones). This ALSO means that clones couldn’t get cancer, and that they’d be immune to radiation poisoning. So a clone could just walk up to a sphere of uranium at critical mass and pick it up. Maybe with oven mitts on if it’s hot. (this would also make it harder for a rapid-aging cure to be developed, but uhhhh fanfic writers find a way)

- “bred for obedience” I think most of this would have to be accomplished through tightly-controlled messaging and cultural norms as the clones grow up- basically, enshrining obedience as a desirable and almost sacred trait, to be prized higher than anything else, including the lives of your brothers. In the same way that we hear stories of people sacrificing their lives to protect their loved ones, the clones would grow up hearing stories of soldiers sacrificing their brothers’ lives to obey an order from a superior. 

-SOME of the “obedience” thing could be engineered, though. Humans are already super social, but it would probably make sense for the clones to have an even greater need for social bonds. This would make for greater teamwork and coordination, and better unit cohesion, since the clones would be more inclined to prioritize friendship/agreeing with someone over winning an argument. It would also make it so they’d bond with their natural-born generals more easily, so they would obey them not just because they’re supposed to, but because they’d be much quicker to see them as a friend, and someone who’s trust they want to earn, someone they want to incorporate into their group and make happy.

-consequently, clones who find themselves alone do NOT do well. Isolation has a much more profoundly negative impact on clones than on regular humans.

-Originally, clones designed to operate alone or in small teams would not have the social enhancement- ARC troopers, spec-ops teams, etc. There wouldn’t be much of a noticeable difference in everyday interactions, but they’d also be vaguely weirded out by what they interpret as aggressive friendliness from their brothers, and their brothers would think they’re a bit shy and standoffish. 

-actually this social modification would make it MUCH harder for clones to kill people. REGULAR HUMANS are already super bad at killing people- i remember reading this article about how as soon as soldiers have to point their weapons at actual people, their aim gets mysteriously much shittier. Even when compared to situations that are exactly the same, except they’re not shooting at other humans. So reconcile this how you will, idk.

-I imagine a lot of these enhancements would be accomplished not through DNA, but through microorganisms. Retroviruses could explain the DNA resistant to modification, and the increased healing speed, and possibly some disease resistance (do i know anything about retroviruses other than a vague concept of what they are? no i do not. will that stop me? also no.) Their metabolism can be partially explained through specially engineered gut microbes.

-not sure how they’d go about making clones “resistant to any stress”, because you can’t exactly turn off the trauma response in the brain without breaking a bunch of other things. They could probably do a bit of fiddling to make clones more resistant to chemical imbalances, and therefore more depression-resistant. I think most of the “stress-resistance” would have to come through training. Either they train the clones to basically suppress everything, which might work alright in the short term. OR they actually have systems in place that help prevent the development of things like PTSD and help treat trauma. Meaning the clones are literally trained in self-care, positive self-talk, talking about their pain with their brothers, and having community rituals around things like death and grief. I don’t think that’s super likely because one thing that’s integral to those concepts is the concept of “i am a person and i have worth, and if i feel angry about something bad happening, that is ok and valid” and considering that a whole lot of bad things happen to the clones all the time and their childhood is a whole boatload of bad all happening at once, i don’t think the kaminoans would want the clones realizing “hey wait a minute i’m a person and i don’t deserve to be treated this way and it’s ok for me to be mad at you”. 

- the clones were supposedly engineered to be “less aggressive” but i think there was literally nothing more to that than a cover story for the control chip. The clones wouldn’t be raised with a lot of the aggressive western concept of masculinity, where anger is the default reaction to like, everything, and your personal pride is extremely important and also fragile (no offense lmao). So you wouldn’t have clones posturing and getting angry over perceived slights and fighting each other all the time, like everyone in-universe apparently expects to be the case. Anyway, why would you want your soldiers to be less aggressive? they’re literally supposed to fight and kill the enemy. You want them fully capable of getting angry, anger is the human response to fear and danger that lets us DO something about it. 

-obviously the biggest component in how they behave would be how they are raised, but that’s an entirely different post

-Specializations! I imagine that initially, the Kaminoans had different clones with different traits engineered specifically to fill certain roles. However, as the war went on, they struggled to keep up with demand and had to start shoving clones into whatever roles were needed (hence Fives and Echo becoming ARCs, despite not being engineered as ARC troopers). 

-Command clones would have better abilities in the executive function parts of the brain that deal with extrapolation, planning ahead, spatial reasoning, etc. They’d also have increased visual pattern recognition (like a pigeon)

-search-and-rescue troops would also have the pigeon pattern recognition abilities. The coast guard literally strapped pigeons to helicopters who would tap a button when they saw orange in the water, because they were better at spotting it than humans. Pigeons can detect cancer in microscope images of cells, because they’re that good at pattern recognition

-Pilots would have hella reflexes, excellent spatial awareness and spatial reasoning skills, much greater ability to process visual information, stronger hearts and blood vessels (to resist greater Gs of force), and they’d also be much shorter, to better fit into a cockpit. Which reminds me of Axe, that poor bastard from Ahsoka’s squadron over Ryloth who was almost eight feet tall. rip poor Axe, how did you even become a pilot, you long bastard.

-medics who can smell certain diseases. If you want to get a little bit out there, make the medics able to purr so they can sooth stressed-out patients. 

-infantry would have even greater endurance than everyone else, as well as greater tolerance for, and ability to, remain constantly on alert.

-ability to fall asleep at will? that would be super dope.

-maybe more efficient sleep, so to an adult clone, 4 hours of sleep is genuinely sufficient.

-concept: clones can sort of turn down their bodily functions- slow their digestion, heart, lungs, the whole nine yards- to last longer in adverse conditions. Sort of a half-hibernation (or quarter hibernation- they’d still be able to talk and think, but they’d feel very lethargic). They wouldn’t be able to function very well, but it would be great for things like enduring intense cold, periods without food, low-oxygen environments, and it would be especially useful if you were wounded and waiting for help, since you could slow your circulation, meaning it would take you a lot longer to bleed out. This state could be triggered by a combination of physical actions such as sitting or lying still, breathing slowly and deeply, and focusing on slowing the heart down (humans can actually slow down their hearts consciously if you practice at it, this is basically that, but turned up to like 1100).

-one thing that never made sense to me was the whole “we’re running out of jango fett’s DNA, all the new clones won’t be as good, and we have to stop ventress from stealing the original DNA” because like, can’t they just, get the EXACT SAME DNA from the clones?? you know, the exact genetic copies? With all the enhancements already done? But now my idea is that the kaminoans have engineered the clones so their DNA straight up can’t be copied. The clone’s own body can obviously replicate it, but if you take a sample and try to extract the DNA, it just self-destructs or something. This is to protect their intellectual property, but also means that they literally have to use a couple of Jango Fett’s actual human cells for every single clone they make (and the fact that they then have to do all the above enhancements to every single embryo helps explain why there’s so many small mutations, such as hair color and height). So they kinda shot themselves in the foot with that one. 

-of course since things like ADHD and autism have a strong genetic component, the kaminoans could theoretically engineer those out of the clones, but actually FUCK THAT so for whatever reason, that’s just not something they are able to do, and neurodivergent clones are absolutely a thing

[astrologyandlife]

the complete guide to astrology - revised

i. introduction

what is astrology? how can we use it to improve our lives? how do we go about studying a seemingly complex subject with such a large body of literature? in this post, i hope to give you guys a solid idea of the basics while providing resources for further reading and learning, curated by yours truly.

to start, astrology is defined as "the divination of the supposed influences of the stars and planets on human affairs and terrestrial events by their positions and aspects" (source). its primary use in modern times is as a tool of self-discovery. this is done through a natal chart, which is outlined below.

of course, astrology is used for many other things, ranging from examining relationships, to predicting the outcome of future events, to even locating lost objects. there are many branches of astrology that each have their own set of rules and methods for interpretation of the chart. i will go into more detail about some of these other branches soon. however, all astrology uses the same framework. so what is that?

***before i go further, i want to note that this guide contains a comprehensive resources section, section v, which contains a lot of helpful supplementary information such as cafeastrology's article on understanding the astrological chart wheel, a full glossary of astrological terms, and various subjects not explicitly defined or covered in-depth in this guide like retrograde planets and interceptions.***

now onto the guide! :-)

ii. the framework

perhaps the key piece of astrology is the natal chart:

the natal chart is a visual representation of where the celestial bodies were at the time of birth. it seems complex at first glance, but it is possible to break it down to better understand it. in this section, i will elaborate on four components that come together to form the picture. These are the zodiac signs (inner ring), planets (around the ring), aspects (lines in the middle), and houses (numbers on the outer ring).

zodiac signs

in astrology, the zodiac signs are the most essential, core pieces of the puzzle. this is because they represent traits or energies. they are modes of expression. aries: cardinal + fire, enthusiastic, passionate, impatient, childlike, leader, hotheaded, dynamic, quick to react, competitive, impulsive, direct, outgoing, extroverted, positive. ruled by mars and the first house. taurus: fixed + earth, stubborn, patient, strong-willed, down-to-earth, hard workers, sensual, persevering, materialistic, focused, strong, realistic, enduring, habitual, hard to anger, love of nature. ruled by venus and the second house. gemini: mutable + air, chatty, social butterflies, adaptable, flexible, clever, witty, sarcastic, curious, scattered, lighthearted, changeable, multitaskers, jack-of-all-trades, smart, flighty. ruled by mercury and the third house. cancer: cardinal + water, emotional, sensitive, gentle, intuitive, motherly, moody, defensive, protective, caring, empathetic, imaginative, sentimental, passive, introverted, shy, homebody. ruled by the moon and the fourth house. leo: fixed + fire, confident, dramatic, theatrical, warm, generous, supportive, strong-willed, loyal, honest, authentic, loves pleasure, big personality, self-centered, courageous, magnetic, expressive, assertive. ruled by the sun and the fifth house. virgo: mutable + earth, methodical, serious, perfectionist, critical, practical, detail-oriented, analytical, competent, helpful, enjoys service, reserved, sensible, down-to-earth, intellectual. ruled by mercury and the sixth house. libra: cardinal + air, outgoing, friendly, agreeable, diplomatic, avoids conflict, polite, charming, refined, pacifistic, tolerant, craves connection, indecisive, romantic, artistic, hesitant, fair, good conversationalist, gossip. ruled by venus and the seventh house. scorpio: fixed + water, secretive, possessive, introverted, honest, genuine, intense, independent, lone wolf type, intuitive, analytical, persistent, passionate, ambitious, proud, committed, clever, competitive. ruled by pluto and the eighth house. sagittarius: mutable + fire, optimistic, positive, big picture thinkers, extroverted, jovial, loves adventure, blunt, straightforward, open-minded, future-oriented, faithful, independent, energetic, needs freedom. ruled by jupiter and the ninth house. capricorn: cardinal + earth, serious, disciplined, mature, takes responsibility, hard-working, thoughtful, traditional, dry sense of humor, objective, independent, ambitious, reliable, patient. ruled by saturn and the tenth house. aquarius: fixed + air, progressive, eccentric, independent, needs freedom, detached, intellectual, authentic, accepting, open-minded, non-judgemental, outgoing, determined, humanitarian, future-oriented. ruled by uranus and the eleventh house. pisces: artistic, sensitive, distant look, compassionate, empathetic, escapist, intuitive, heart over head, understanding, introspective, needs alone time, soft-spoken, emotional, imaginative, faithful, romantic, fluid, adaptable. ruled by neptune and the twelfth house.

planets

the planets give direction to the traits expressed by the zodiac signs. this direction comes in the form of facets of our personalities. personal/"inner" planets sun: ego, general personality, vitality, focus, father figure. domicile=leo / detriment=aquarius / exalted=aries / fall=libra moon: emotions, intuitions, gut reactions, instincts, needs, mother figure. domicile=cancer / detriment=capricorn / exalted=taurus / fall=scorpio mercury: communication, mental abilities, information processing. domicile=gemini or virgo / detriment=sagittarius or pisces / exalted=virgo / fall=pisces venus: romance, personal style, love style, attraction, taste. domicile=taurus or libra / detriment=scorpio or aries / exalted=pisces / fall=virgo mars: drive, motivations, anger, physical attraction, physical activity. domicile=aries/ detriment=libra/ exalted=capricorn / fall=cancer

impersonal/"outer" planets jupiter: expansion + growth, talents, opportunities, luck. domicile=sagittarius / detriment=gemini / exalted=cancer / fall=capricorn saturn: fears, where we feel repressed/restricted, where we must learn and become disciplined. domicile=capricorn/ detriment=cancer/ exalted=libra / fall=aries uranus: individuality, eccentric/uniqueness, suddenness, technology. domicile=aquarius / detriment=leo / exalted=scorpio / fall=taurus neptune: confusion, blurred lines, lack of boundaries, deception, sacrifice, dreams. domicile=pisces / detriment=virgo / exalted=cancer / fall=capricorn pluto: transformation, raw power, death, secrets. domicile=scorpio / detriment=taurus / exalted=aquarius / fall=leo

planets in their domicile or exalted sign are said to be strong, while planets in their detriment or fall sign are weak. stronger planets express themselves much more naturally. weaker planets can bring problems into the individual's life, especially if poorly aspected.

aspects

the next step is the aspects, which is the interaction between these facets of our personality and how easily we express them. positive aspects are marked green, negative are marked red. conjunction (0°): the unification of two planets that allows their energies to merge and be expressed as one. square (90°): tension between two planets that creates conflict or patterns of avoidance. opposition (180°): tension between two planets that results in conflict or patterns of projection. quincunx (150°): completely different energies that are unable to be integrated or properly managed. trine (120°): two planets that mesh well together, often manifesting as a talent or skill within the individual. sextile (60°): two planets with energy so similar they are seamlessly and effortlessly expressed together.

houses

finally, the houses represent the stage where all of this expression occurs in our external life. first (ascendant, ASC): first impressions, physical appearance, the vibe we give off, our view/philosophy of life. second: our values, sense of self-worth and confidence, money, physical possessions. third: communication style, early education, siblings, neighbors and neighborhood, thinking patterns, short trips. fourth (imum coeli, IC): home, family, the house, early life + childhood, background, roots, memories, father figure. fifth: self-expression, creativity, hobbies, interests, children, pleasure, short-term relationships. sixth: physical health, daily routine, coworkers, job, pets, service to others. seventh (descendant, DSC): marriage, spouse, long-term relationships, other people. eighth: shared resources, inheritances, death, transformation, crisis, hidden things. ninth: higher education, travel, foreign/distant places, diversity, expansion and growth. tenth (midheaven, MC): career, reputation, online persona, success, goals for the future, mother figure. eleventh: groups and organizations, the wider collective, our friend group, wishes and aspirations. twelfth: losses, grief and sorrow, subconscious or unconscious things, confusion, lack of boundaries, sacrifice.

iii. the interpretation process + notes

to interpret a natal chart, i have a specific process that i utilize. i will outline it in this section, giving notes along the way where i see fit. there are many ways of interpreting charts, however, so use this more as a guide than a hard and fast rule.

✨the process ✨

look at the chart as a whole, taking notice of: a. planets clustered together in one sign/house (note: 3+ planets in a house is called a stellium) b. planets "sitting on/"conjunct the angles (1st, 4th, 7th, or 10th) c. lone planets that are just sitting by themselves d. completely empty houses e. major aspect patterns, such as the t-square, grand trine, etc.

next, look at the sign of the ascendant and determine the chart ruler a. examine the condition of both, such as major aspects (aspects of 5° or less)

check out the sun's sign, house, and major aspects

do the same for the moon, and consider the relationship it has to the sun

next, check out the sign, house, and major aspects of the three other personal planets

look at the three other angles: the IC, DSC, and MC to determine their condition

look at the house and any major aspects to personal planets for the outer planets

find the lord of any empty houses and determine what house it sits in, as well as its condition there

finally, any asteroids or minor bodies of interest a. typically these only influence the individual if they make an aspect to the personal planets or angles, like outer planets

some other things to take into account: which element/planet/sign is dominant in the chart, where the ruler of each house sits, are there planets at 0° or 29°, degree theory, midpoints, and planets in retrograde.

iv. other chart types

so far, i've exclusively been talking about the natal chart. however, there are several chart types with other purposes ranging from examining the compatibility of two people, to predicting what might occur in the year ahead, to even answering questions. i'll give a brief run-down of some of them here:

solar return: a chart drawn for the exact moment the sun returns to the sign and degree it was at when you were born. it is said to represent what will occur in the year ahead.

synastry: this chart examines the relationship between two people by seeing how both of their charts interact with each other. it is a representation of how they affect each other.

composite: like the synastry chart, a composite looks at the relationship between two people. it does this by creating a chart of the midpoints between the placements of their charts. it is a representation of the relationship itself and what it's like.

progressed: a chart that shows how a person's personality and life circumstances change over time, calculated by adding one day to your birthday for every year of your life.

draconic: a chart that supposedly represents your "true nature," which is who you were before your life experiences. it works by setting the north node to aries and adjusting every other placement accordingly.

transit: this is simply a chart of what the sky looks like on any given day. this can be compared to a natal chart to see what influences are acting on an individual or to examine long-term trends.

these are by no means all of the chart types, or even the most important, but they are the most common ones you will see discussed here. furthermore, every chart type uses the same framework and many of the same rules in regards to interpretation, making them extremely valuable tools to have in your toolset!

v. resources

below here is a list of websites, articles, tools, etc. that are extremely helpful for learning astrology. every single resource in this list is 100% approved by me, and i have used or read through all of them myself, many of which i still refer back to now. there are also resources that go more in-depth about some of the topics mentioned in this guide, if you're confused or want to know more. feel free to take a peek!

websites a. https://advanced-astrology.com/ b. http://astrologyking.com/ c. https://astromatrix.org/ d. https://www.astro-seek.com/ e. https://www.alwaysastrology.com/index.html f. http://www.thedarkpixieastrology.com/ g. https://cafeastrology.com/ h. https://www.astrology.com/learn i. https://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/index.php j. http://www.astrologersforum.com/forum/index.php

calculators a. https://www.astrotheme.com/horoscope_chart_sign_ascendant.php b. https://www.astro.com/cgi/genchart.cgi c. https://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php d. https://horoscopes.astro-seek.com/birth-chart-horoscope-online e. https://astro-charts.com/tools/new/birthchart/

blogs a. @astrologymarina b. @astraltwelve c. @astrolovecosmos d. @twelvehousemoon e. @ms-m-astrologer f. @saintzjenx

faq/specific resources/what's on my bookmarks bar a. A glossary of astrology-related terms b. how fast do the planets move through the signs? c. what is degree theory? d. which signs square and oppose each other? e. how do you find your dominant sign/planet/etc? f. astrology 101 by astrologymarina g. what are retrogrades? h. a brief interpretation for every planet in every sign i. a complete ephemeris up to the 22nd century j. what are interceptions? k. what are the 29th and 0 degree? l. how to read the chart wheel?

books a. the only astrology book you'll ever need, joanne martine woolfolk b. chart interpretation handbook, stephen arroyo c. the twelve houses, howard sasportas d. aspects in astrology, sue thompkins e. discover the aspect pattern in your birth chart: a comprehensive guide, glenn mitchell f. the art of forecasting using solar return charts, anthony louis g. the astrology of family dynamics, erin sullivan h. midpoints: identify and integrate midpoints into horoscope synthesis, don mcbroom i. retrograde planets: traversing the inner landscape, erin sullivan

vi. final notes

you did it! this is the end of my revised guide to astrology, and hopefully this has been helpful for you to understand the basic workings of the practice. astrology can be really rewarding and fascinating, and even after eight years i still come across topics that i've never heard about!

as always, my inbox is open for any questions you may have. if anything is unclear or you think of ways to improve this guide, feel free to tell me as well. thanks for sticking with me, folks!