#FUCKING USE THE LABELING SYSTEM
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Im just really annoyed about how people just fucking hate it when the kids they were jealous of and hated in school for not also getting bad grades also report being fucking traumatized by the school system.
Yeah sorry school traumatizes everyone, even the 'ex-gifted kids' you fucking hate because god forbid someone wasnt exploited and overworked the same way you were.
Sorry a group of predominately neurodiverse people experiencing burnout and how their upbringing of being only valued for their academic performance totally fucked their ability to function in the real world dare talk about this pain where you can see.
Its not being privileged and ~humblebragging~ to report emotional neglect from your parents centered around you having to get perfect grades to receive any scrap of love.
Wishing violence on them for talking about it and finding each other isn't cute either.
And because these people need it stated extra clear
This post is NOT saying other groups of people 'had it less bad'. This is about a specific phenomenon of vitriol towards a oft neurodiverse group of people commiserating about how they were screwed over by the system under the label 'gifted kid' NOT whatever else you are imagining im saying. <3
#clown on this post and get blocked#dismissing abuse reports because you think the people being screwed over by the system differently threaten you somehow is wrong sorry <3#rebloggable but if it breaches containment too hard I might lock it to avoid the piss on the poor crowd#these ppl do not realize part of the point of 'ex gifted kid' is the fact that the label WAS bunk & was just used as an excuse to abuse us!#thats literally half of the talk & theory! We were just normal kids!!! Thats the fucking point!! Its not being elitist its the opposite!!#blocked and unfollowed 3 different people for threats of violence towards anyone who identifies with 'ex gifted kid' which inspired this
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reading a webpage titled 'am i plural' with big impressions of middle fingers in my mind. i go my own way i don't fit the #mold come on blathnaid we can do our own thang
#^ guy who used to agonise over fitting into labels#so now im like FUCK IT! whatever happens happens#current situation is me eimear i am a guy. and in my brain theres another person called blathnaid#and she doesnt front or anything i dont think. shes just kinda there#so im gonna let her hang out#like a lot of guides to plurality are (understandably) focused on being multiple people#and switching and memory barriers and stuff#whereas like i me i am always one person. its just that person happens to have a roommate#fuck it we ball im gonna stop thinking about it bcos its giving me a headache#(yeah i know thats a thinggggg i was in a server w a bunch of newly-realized systems once so i have their experiences to go off of)#and i should probably get back to my fuckingggg esssay
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slowly I'm recovering the beauty of discovery
(creature by half•alive)
(textless + timelapse below cut)
#yellowart#subnautica#i feel like the timelapse is kinda long but also this did take a long time to make#anyways. let me yap about the meanings of all the panels <3#'i am creation' -> the ocean being the source of life and where shit evolved from also a good way to sort of 'set the scene' for subnautica#'both haunted' -> GHOST leviathan; in the BONE fields#'and holy' -> this one was a bit trickier. debated about using the emperor but i knew i wanted to use her elsewhere#also debated hoverfish because its cute and well liked so i thought that would be funny for 'and holy'#also something something jesus walking on water also makes it fitting. in the end though i decided on a peeper with the enzyme trail#and i *tried* to make it loop over its head like a halo but idk how well that imagery came through. still mentioned it in the alt text tho.#'made in glory' -> was REALLY torn about this one. on the one hand i wanted to have like a picture of the code because something something#divine machine and it being made out of code making it inherently holy or something; but i wasnt sure if that would be too#'immersion breaking' since most of the stuff in this is like in game stuff i wasnt sure if acknowledging that it was a game would be#too much. my other idea was to draw a couple of creature eggs like a stalker egg and a spadefish egg or something; but in the end i just#went with the one that i personally thought was cooler so if you think it does feel out of place uhhhh sorry i guess lmao.#also yes that is code from the game. idk shit about programming i just think code shit is cool so i poked though a modding tutorial til i#found what it is they use to look at that shit and started poking around. its pretty cool tbh. anyways the specific part i chose for the#drawing was something under the peepers; i think its the bit that tells the enzyme peepers to do the enzyme stuff like the trail obviously#but also some other stuff. not 100% sure though like i said idk shit about this sort of thing but everything in there seems pretty well#labeled its kinda impressive. and very helpful for navigating even if you dont know shit lol.#anyways. 'even the depths of the night cannot blind me' -> blood kelp trench is i think one of the darkest biomes in the game#possibly THE darkest so i thought it would be fitting. probably my least favorite panel though i dont think i did a very good job#representing the area or representing the bloodvines :/#'when you guide me' -> sea emperor but more specifically her messages to the player telling you to 'come here'#'creature only' -> not sure how well i can articulate this but basically the idea of humans beig animals with animal needs to eat and drink#and the idea of being a part of the ecosystem. modern life tends to make us forget that sort of thing but id imagine for ryley being on the#planet would violently remind him of this with things trying to eat him while he has to try to eat things as well. being part of the food#web. 'creature only' because he is only a creature not non-essential systems maintenance chief; but a creature living in an environment and#trying to survive. or something like that. does that make any fucking sense to anyone besides me? whatever.#anyways yapping over 👍
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Every time I look at the Tengwar table I feel like
screaming a little bit
apologizing to Tolkien that I only had time to take Linguistics 101
(but in my defense, that was because I was too busy taking 800 other language classes)
#me: [gritting my teeth] surely there is a fanmade chart out here with them labeled in IPA#tolkien from beyond the grave as i open appendix e: you fucking donkey. did you think it would be that easy. i accounted for this.#it's a modular system used for multiple languages. first choose one of my many fake languages and THEN git gud.#me: [sobbing] please i just wanted to fuck around in a notebook. let me butcher this like i butcher futhark in peace#tolkien: [isildur-NO.gif]#lotr
![#tolkien: [isildur-NO.gif]](/tag/tolkien%3A%20%5Bisildur-NO.gif%5D){kind=link}
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this is another thing that probably doesnt matter at all but as someone who's interest in vocal synthesis is in large part because of the software and technological aspects, every time i see someone trying to explain the use of deep learning/neural/AI/etc in vocal synthesizers and they say that "the only thing the AI does is help make the pitch transitions smoother" im like white knuckle gripping the table muttering under my breath like no....that is. incorrect.
#there is a big misconception that deep learning synths technologically are the same as concatenative like a series of samples#stretched and stitched and resynthesized together with the 'AI' only referring to an automatic pitch system#and i understand where the misconception comes from. its probably a combination of early marketing of deep learning synths#(am i insane or did ahsoft use to market AI rikka etc as standing for 'automatic intonation'.... did i make that up)#plus trying to separate ai vocal synths from like chatgpt and whatever#BUT. that is not how it works. i think the only synth ive seen that does have that functionality is the very recently released miku nt2?#which i think is still in beta anyway LOL#i thought there was maybe some early synthv banks like the plus banks that did that too initially#but the plus banks are actually AI models trained off of their concatenative samples iirc#but yeah.......... ai voicebanks are just straight up deep learning models of voices with a lot of built in control tools in software#(what notes to sing what parameters to change tone etc)#the vocal provider sings a whole lot. the programmers go in and carefully label all the data. etc etc#they are more ethical than like some of those sketchy song generators in that the data used to train these models is obtained via#licensing and direct input by vocal providers who are getting paid and giving consent etc. but the technology is the same type of thing#i dont even like or care for randomly generated gpt whatever the fuck i find it super uninteresting 99% of the time#but i do love a good ethically made deep learning based vocal synthesizer voicebank and i really dislike technological misinformation#dont stand to close to me or i will start explaining to you about linear predictive coding speech analysis. DO NOT test me
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Yikes..
Supporting people who chose to have a trauma disorder and make it seem like RP & a fun game… I have to block you.
Sure some endos are in denial or don’t remember their trauma but a majority of them do it for fun and make a mockery of a real trauma disorder.
They fr have MAKE AN ALTER or BUY/ADOPT AN ALTER blogs. I am and always be anti endogenic <3
Okay, good for you. I don’t interact with those blogs either, and I’m not forcing you to. I’m also not forcing you to interact with me. You saw my reply, you know my views, you clearly only came back to insult me. I don’t even know who you are because you’re on anon, so I’m actually glad you’re blocking me. I don’t want to interact with someone who chooses to be so petty over something as simple as this.
Also why would you ask if I’m an endo or if I “just support them” if you’re going to block me either way?
Edit: link to the original post, in case anyone’s reading this out of context. Can easily be confusing and I’d like yall to know that what anon says above about RPs and those blogs isn’t anything that was mentioned in my first post so bros kinda putting words in my mouth here lol
#again: I don’t support every single one of them because YEAH some probably are faking#but I’m not fakeclaiming the entire GROUP of people who use that label to define themselves#because even YOU admit that at least some of them are actually plural#and making ANYONE feel invalid because you can’t be arsed to get to know a person#individuallly instead of fakeclaiming an entire group#is fucking disgusting. thanks#don’t even get me started on the ‘yikes’ and fake ass ‘<3’#ugh#I don’t even talk about system shit or discourse often#my blog is mainly shit I find funny and BTD#I literally just wanted to promote my alters blogs because they want to meet ppl and make friends#honestly feels like you just wanted something to be mad about :/
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Having an eating disorder isn’t a moral failure btw -Medds
#getting pretty sick of people calling societal fatphobia ‘rebranded eating disorders’#its not#and it’s fucking stupid that our society praises us for eating as little as possible to stay skinny-#and whenever this is called out by people it’s labeled as a sign of a mental disorder instead of a systemic issue#people with eating disorders are not the reason children are taught that being fat is immoral#if anything those children are the ones growing up to have said eating disorders#you are not progressive for assigning mental illnesses to the issues of society#you’re kicking down
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last years pride i had a sexuality crisis and this year a few days later im having a gender one. fuck.
#i was shaking celia/muro for what tf their gender is and all i got was#“its almost impossible to see who you are separate from how peoples perceptions feel and how they link to the systems that govern our lives#yay thanks as if i didn't already know that how femininity is punished has shaped me as constantly presenting masculine#maybe i am just a coward whos pretending to be trans to escape the awfulness that comes with being feminine#I DONT KNOW ANYMORE#i hate being seen as female but i only feel better when seen as a man- not truly happy#but its not like im ever seen as a real one#i enjoy pride because then my gender and presentation are just *queer* and i dont need to worry about boxes#i just want to be me!#this whole gender thing can kinda suck#im crow! thats all that should fucking matter!#not whatever box people try and fit me in#i guess i just gotta be used to not fitting into any box or label and having imposter syndrome for the only one that does: transgender#idk i kinda want to be in a box but it always ends up distressing me whenever i try#sorry to put this on peoples dashes#i just dont know and its stressing me out#im not a woman and i am more comfortable being seen as a man but thats *comfort* not really genuine joy#im a not-woman#i dont fucking know!!#i need to stop trying to figure it out bc of how distressing it is but here i go again...
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i hate reblogging something and getting excited to look thru their blog cus fheir stuff is cool,
and then i get blasted with the anti endo beam??
like. sorry ig????
im not changing my stance just cuz i thought someone seemed cool, unforch
#anyway this is really nothing in the scheme of things.#i think syscourse is fucking stupid <3#theres bigger problems to worry about than infighting. idk.#idk it feels the same as the infighting of the queer community.#can we save the infighting to when we arent nasty stigmatized and. idk. locked in rooms and yelled at to integrate but i mean#what do I know. im just a dirty endo supporter i guess.#idk.#i think everyones valid as long as they arent malicious about it.#“oh i hate endos cuz theyre abusive”;×=[#wrong. youre generalizing. you can be abused just as bad by a traumagenic system as you can by an endogenic system.#also i dont think everyone should have to 1000% know their systems origins forever and always to be seen as “valid” in someone else's eyes.#idk tho thats just my thoughs maybe im just a dirty fool <3#wilburs post#before you start calling us an endo or whatever as an insult or something. were absolutely traumagenic. and i think the labels are stupid#and only useful in a therapy setting. or for self work.#sorry im apparently Not done ranting.#i think proudly flaunting that you exist due to trauma is foolish. despite me clarifying.#people are going to be malicious. people are going to be mean and find your trauma just to rub it in your face.#ig the lables are okay for finding similar lived experiences too but. man.#shut up stop fighting people youre in the same boat with
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cannot express enough how happy having visible fat makes me
#i have rolls and folds and they actually make me so goddamn happy it's unbelievable#my stomach no longer literally goes concave when I'm hungry#i have more energy and strength bc my body isn't literally eating my muscles to survive#I HAVE THE ABILITY TO GAIN STRENGTH BACK. like i genuinely thought that was off the table permanently#like i thought I'd never get the opportunity to build muscles bc of how often my body had to eat them all to survive#my bones hurt less!!!!!!!! I'm not slamming my skeleton against things!!!!!!! i have cushioning!!!!!!!#i can get injections in my arms again!!!! my arms aren't too fucking small for vaccinations!!!#i feel so much better about my body and about myself#ok mild side tangent but. when i was young i was told twink and bear were exclusively gay MAN terms so i couldn't use them#(fuck that idea. use whatever labels make you joyful)#but i DESPERATELY wanted to be a twink so bad. i called myself a butch for a while bc i was a skinny masc 'girl' but ive always been a twink#and back then i kept thinking 'i wish i could be a twink that grows into a bear by age 40'#but i always thought bear was off the table because of course i could never get fat what am i thinking#but like.#holy shit. i might actually be able to be a whole ass bear. i have facial and chest hair now. I'm not Fat but I'm getting fatter#i have another 20 or so years to get there. i could do it.#i think noticing that I'm getting fatter gave me the same type of joy that noticing my voice dropping or getting my first wheelchair did#it also oddly makes the 'coping with the fact that whoever we called the core/original of this system is long gone' a bit easier. lmao#the fact that we've looked so different over the course of our life#Bee (the 'core' i guess) doesn't even have the same natural hair colour as the rest of us
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Hmm it's almost like gender is a construct so getting into minutia arguments about microlabels is a complete fucking waste of time and an expression of extreme ignorance. almost like the million different ways queerness has been expressed all contradicting eachother for hundreds of years is for a reason and they all equally have important things to say about HUMAN EXPRESSION
#it's almost like gender isn't real guys#it's almost like a gender system of rigid labels and is ontologically and biologically fucking ridiculously#I'm so sorry but asexuality and bi lesbians and gold stars and guy dudes and bi women who have only been with women#they're all the same they're all human#and I don't give a FUUUUUUCK#all I know is respecting individuals and how they'd prefer to be interacted with#bc I love people and want friends who know I see them and hear them#crazy#guys I found the secret to ontological purity and it all has to do with the split attraction model#/j#shoutout to the Magnus archives mutual I had who blocked and black listed me bc I said I was a gender abolitionist#and they confused that with gender criticalism#how do I say this#yes straight ppl are different but I legit do not believe in 'straight ppl'#gender and sexuality are not something different from any other emotion or human action#and as such WHAY a queer community should be based on is not purity of who is oppressed#or like. who is Actually Gay And Different#but a rejection of the oppressive structure that seperates us#and anyone who rejects that structure in any way is welcome#in my book#dialectical material queer theory
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#koi talks#I will admit we sometimes go into syscourse tags just to see what's happening over there#however it just leaves us feeling so so tired#we all have way bigger problems and I literally cannot be asked to keep up#like omg who cares#we're traumagenic* and I can tell you we don't care#(* we don't really like labeling ourselves like that we don't find it helpful)#whether they just 'don't remember' or legitimately created their system who cares !#it feels so so similar to queer discourse#*grabbing your shoulders gently* look at me. listen.#they're after all of us#they don't like any of us they don't accept any of us#splitting us up into ''real systems'' and ''fake systems'' is only going to get us farther in the short-term#but if/when we get disordered systems widely accepted where will the rest of us be?#where will the systems who like being systems be left? where will we go?#it's not all sunshine and rainbows fucking obviously#but personally? at our core we were created to protect and comfort a baby going through unstable and unsafe times#we're family whether we like it or not and we don't want to lose each other#idk where I was going with this honestly#we call ourselves neutral bc we don't have time to care usually#but we also stay away from people who don't want 'pro-endos' interacting just bc#we're very much radically inclusive that's basically what I'm saying#as long as you're not actively hurting anyone do whatever you want forever
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Need you all to realize that gender/sexuality labels serve YOU. Not the other way around. It's not your job to bend yourself to fit exactly what everyone says your label should be. If it makes you feel good, and it's somewhat relevant to your experience, use it! Fuck everyone else. The world won't end just bcuz someone you think shouldn't use a certain label uses it anyways. You must openly accept every queer/trans person no matter how confusing or contradictory their identity, or you will never experience true community and solidarity.
P.S. This does not apply to identities like "stud", etc. They are not subjective like other identities are, because race is integral to their history. Don't fucking discourse on this post or I will bite you (and then block you).
#h talks#like sorry sometimes there is no hyperspecific label for your experience so you pick whats closest#or god forbid someone who doesn't quite 'match' a label they used to STILL use that label (lesbian trans men. gay trans women. etc)#gender and sexuality and everything is not a cut and dry binary system. you pick what serves you best and what makes you feel good-#instead of worrying about not being the perfect example of your labels#SIDE NOTE. I FUCKING LOVE PPL WHO USE NEOPRONOUNS AND HAVE WEIRD SPECIFIC GENDERS. I AM GIVING YOU A FIST BUMP
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sigh. my mum is talking about how she recognises that both me and my little brother are mentally ill but she's apparently been "protecting us from labels how she wasn't" (because that's "all that society wants to give kids nowadays") and she wants us to just "get on with life and be who we are"
#alina post#alina rant#i have practically begged doctors to diagnose me with the depression ive been recognised to have so i can receive genuine help#my brother and i both have autistic traits and i always wish he could get diagnosed so he could have accomodations and answers#there is undeniable systemic ableism that impacts those with mental health conditions in the uk#and i understand that that is something that could have great detriment to her if her diagnosis was revealed in some circumstances#but why do we need to suffer by ourselves without any help because SHE doesnt like labels#not to mention that a lot of our mental illness is influenced by the generational trauma and general trauma SHE and my dad inflicted upon us#once a teacher even tried to suggest that my brother was autistic and she said it was the school forcing labels for 'funding'??#the uk is so systemically ableist and most schools would probably rather die than actually accomodate their students beyond the bare minimum#the most he'd get is probably extra time in exams and maybe a card to let him leave overwhelming classrooms#im just so upset#i always knew that she hated the thought of me or my brother ever actually getting diagnoses and help... but 'protecting us'?#my depression has fucked me over so much growing up with bare minimum support. why dont i deserve help.
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hi i am luisa or louie, she/they or any pronouns, 20+
nicemices on ao3
i'm working on a longer wiseflower fic atm, if you want to come chat to me about it, i would be ecstatic! (you can check it out here)
other interests and fandoms include: buffy the vampire slayer (my all time favourite!!!), arcane, anything lesbian, disco elysium, (story based) video games in general, horror, crochet, sourdough, the sims 2/3, vampires in general, mermaids
come say hi :)
#long overdue intro post#i have a tagging system too#jeez luise#is for all my own posts#and um#yeah the rest just goes on the labelled shelf hehe#anyway hi!!#i don't use my queue#yet#and i believe the day will come where i will make my blog pretty#obligatory fuck jkr#i hope that woman chokes
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#i got on desktop just specifically#because i was going to add self insert y/n fics to my tumblr filter#because the tag i went in was just fucking filled to the brim with them#but the problem!!!! is that like every person in that tag is just!!!#labeling all the x reader SHIPS and no one is using just like#any of the general tags i usually expect them to#anyways my block list is about to get exponentially bigger#dont mind me im jist bitching#ao3 you have your problems but i love your tagging system and i love being able to sort authors i dont like out#youre so sexy
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