#or like. who is Actually Gay And Different

[apas-95]

Have you read Faggotization and The Extant Gender Ternary (https://thesizhensystem.substack.com/p/faggotization-and-the-extant-gender)? I'd like to know your thoughts on it

I have, and I think it's not a useful or consistent model of gender. I have three main issues with it.

Firstly, it fails to justify itself. It does not demonstrate the necessity and actuality of the terms it presents; it fails to demonstrate that there exists a division between so-called "legible" and "illegible" genders; and it fails to even discuss the division of labour in its supposed class structure. What relations give rise to gender? In the Marxist view, put forth by Engels, Kollontai, Zetkin, etc., the gendered division of labour is quite straightforward - as the first class division in ancient society, it separated between those people who were made to perform reproductive labour (that is to say, labour that reproduces the conditions of labour, such as cleaning, feeding, clothing, etc) and those that were not. The Marxist view also describes the breakdown of these gender relations, as capitalism does away with the domestic sphere of labour, and reproductive labour is increasingly socialised among the proletariat. In the supposedly "extant" gender ternary, what is the division? "Power" - power to do what? In this regard, the model of gender presented is vague and abstract, and lumps together various types of oppression through simplification.

Secondly, it is not a useful model in practice. The vagueness aforementioned does not lend itself to use in describing and critiquing oppression in concrete situations. Whether a trans man is the same 'gender-class' as cis women, or as trans women (and certain gay men, and sex workers) could be argued either way in the framework depending on the trans man in question. It has the problem of many 'theories of everything' - for instance, describing both the oppression of trans women and of sex workers with the same mechanism ends up weakening both. How are the categories of "faggot-subaltern", "not-power", and so on useful when organising? How do these direct practice, rally people towards doing away with these systems? The analytical model of transmisogyny, that which posits that trans women are oppressed because they are women, and because they are transgender, is straightforward and useful in practice. It is immediately clear where common interests lie, and with whom.

Thirdly, it represents a regressive trend in transgender theory. There is, at this point, a longstanding precedent in bourgeois academia of 'third-gendering' trans women. Generally, it is directed at the global south: a bourgeois academic notes the existence of trans women in a global south nation, notes that they are treated differently than both cisgender women and men, and declares that they are a 'third gender', which they name whatever the local equivalent of 'faggot' is. The newer development is opposition to this process - of transgender women in the global south rejecting the colonial claim that they are a third gender, and asserting themselves as women. While the supposed impetus behind the "extant gender ternary" is Marxism-Leninism, the 'class' system posited is almost anarchist in character; and, in its existence as applying imperialist sociology to the imperial core, it could easily, if inflammatorily, be described as approaching some sort of 'gender fascism'.

Overall, I do not think it is an accurate theory, nor do I think it is a useful model. I understand it is intended to be rudimentary, but its central issue is that it is working in the wrong direction, not that it doesn't go far enough.

[the-light-finds-its-way]

So ok. I've been thinking all day. And to be honest?

Destiny is fantastic at making me love characters I initially HATE!!!

For example. I actually was introduced to Osiris in COO (I didn't get to play D1 so I wasn't familiar with him). My initial impression was he's a self-centered, egotistical dickweed who's full of himself. Then I played COO, I played more of the game, I came to knew Osiris and I was fucking HEAD OVER HEELS for this gay phoenix grandpa. Gods he's beautiful both in looks and in characterization. He's got heart, so SO much heart, that it HURTS!!

Then there's Uldren/Crow. As Uldren, I despised the fucker. He killed Cayde off. A bastard boy. Selfish and brash, full of himself, too. Then I got to the end of Forsaken. I learned his lore, and how he was a victim of the Black Garden. I learned the past of the Awoken, how he was manipulated by his sister in many ways into an unhealthy codependence. I felt bad. I wanted to save him and protect him. When he came back as Crow, I was SO relieved! He had a new chance and could do better!! And he has!! He's more independent and I get to see my favorite boy grow into himself!!

Additionally, Mara Sov. I met her, and she was a selfish manipulator who hoarded her people's realm, their secrets, and her brother. Then I learned her lore as the game continued. That she was afraid of loss. She lost everything so many times, and she hurt SO bad. Mara gave her heart to the woman she loved, and when Sjur died, Mara couldn't take it. Who could?! She lost her realm to the curse, her brother to death, her first life as a Human, everything. Mara is tragic, and I feel for her and I want to give her a big hug and just tell her it's ok to cry. I love Mara.

Lord Saladin, too. He's cruel, unrelenting, brutal, and a killer. He slew the thief after sparing her as a child because it was law to back then, he admits to his brutality, he was born of a different time and way when things were darker and more hopeless. He showed his selflessness, he lost so greatly, he lost Felwinter, and Shaxx turned his back on him, and Saladin just cares so greatly but he's trying. He truly is. He sacrifices so damn much for everyone, just like Mara though on a smaller scale, and it shows he has a heart through that thick iron exterior.

And Eramis. I thought she was corrupt, and horrible, selfishly leading the Eliksni revolution to make them into slaves of the Darkness. I had no idea she was a victim of it herself, and that she was a minion of the Witness, believing it would better her kind and save them. I felt so much for her as a result, and I just want her to be ok.

Like Destiny has given us so many characters that were unlikable, abhorrent, even, and they've made me love them in the end. For countless reasons.

A major theme of the game is loss, and that's so obvious because loss is a tragedy, and tragedy causes trauma which makes these characters as they are.

But all the same the game is about hope and reshaping our destiny into what we want the future to become. It's all about starting over, and doing better on a clean slate. That's why Guardians exist.

But even if not a Guardian, they exist to show the rest of the universe that change is possible, and being better is a choice to make, not a destiny given.

[thrashkink-coven]

Shi there’s so many racists and white supremacists in the luciferian scene and it makes it so, so hard to be true to my path because i just can’t escape them and it makes me doubt if what i believe is right or just like. edgy racist white man bullshit. idk what to do im sorry for yelling in ur inbox

Unfortunately, this is a thing that cannot be escaped in most pagan communities. There are terrible people in every pagan space; white supremacists have heinously appropriated Norse paganism and their symbols, Greek deities have been used as mascots for misogynists, etc. etc. The thing about hateful people is that they're not very smart. Prejudice is a signifier of low intelligence, whether that be emotional or cognitive. They're not smart or creative enough to come up with their own symbols, so they appropriate the art of others.

This happens all the time in every crevice of our culture beyond spitituality. Conservatives, white supremacists and Nazis have always tried to infiltrate punk spaces, for example, because they enjoy the sound of the music but disregard the message. They're doing the exact same thing with Luciferianism. Lucifer is Liberation. To someone who does not understand what liberation is (because they do not accurately understand what oppression is), Lucifer is just an edgy bad boy who hates God. The "non-conformity" of true Luciferianism isn't inherently contrarian, nor is it actively pursued. My goal isn't to be different from the mainstream; I am different. My goal is to seek freedom from mental bondage. It's fun to cosplay as a Luciferian because the aesthetic is cool, but it is nothing more than an aesthetic for these people.

The "do as thou wilt" philosophy enables people to believe that hate is intrinsic and justified under the pursuit of free will, without understanding that racism and supremacy in themselves are conditioned forms of thought that only benefit the elite. People love to use gods and demons alike as justification for their deplorable behavior or beliefs. It usually comes from a fundamental misunderstanding of what these deities actually represent.

Western demonolatry and Luciferianism in general have always had a problematic history. It doesn't help that many of the most famous figures in these spaces are problematic people. The waters get all the more muddied when Satanism is considered. I have never personally identified with the idea of Anton LaVey's Satanism, the idea of Lucifer as a symbol of defiance against religion; in fact, I see my Luciferianism as a religion itself. I don't think pure instinct and desire should warp your perception of morality, and I am very theistic. My brand of Luciferianism is very different from what would be considered traditional. There's no rule book for Luciferianism. Your beliefs and path are your own, unlike any that anyone else has; calling yourself a Luciferian or a Lucifer devotee does not mean you believe the doctrine of other so-called Luciferians. It means you follow Lucifer.

So, my only solution so far has been to laugh and drown them out with positivity. When people spout off about how Lucifer hates gay people, thinks women are inferior, thinks one race of people is better than the rest, I just think they look goofy as hell. No, little buddy, you're just too embarrassed to say that on your own accord, so you pretend "Lucifer/Satan said so." You're the silliest clown at the circus. Lucifer and I are pointing and laughing at you. I'll enjoy the free entertainment and throw tomatoes at your garbage takes. Or I'll just block you and keep it pushing. The more we shun the behavior, the less of it we'll see, and maybe the community can actually turn a new leaf.

[tooturtly]

Just so ppl know it does get better! I didn’t really have friends from ages 13-18, and even before then I always felt a little different (gay and neurodivergent). And yeah, it sucked. I thought I was doing everything right. I talked to people in class, I did extracurriculars, I was involved. But nobody was texting me unless it was about something school related. I wasn’t invited to anybody’s house. Twice the people I ate lunch with made homecoming plans but never invited me, I just showed up bc of how much they talked about it.

It finally took seeing the group of people I thought were my friends really overtly reject an openly neurodivergent guy from the friend group. Why? Because he talked too much, he was too sincere. It wasn’t any fault of his own. When I hung out with him in a smaller group, I had a blast. And I realized it wasn’t his fault or mine, but the people who I didn’t even like that much who were pushing me away. They were doing the same thing to both of us, and I should be pissed about it! (I still am, even know people change, it was still a shitty thing to do)

My senior year I finally put myself first and realized that having bad friends was worse than being alone. And I might as well be alone on my terms. I went to homecoming and prom by myself, I wore my own weird clothes and danced by myself just to have fun. I realized that going with those people had made me have less fun, because they hardly wanted to dance to the music if they didn’t know the song. I decided I was going to have fun and be my own person.

The only people I had who were friends were the older people at the game shop I went to. They were kind and patient with me when I didn’t know all the rules, and I’ve since lost touch with them but everyday I’m thankful that I had them in my life. Thank you for taking care of this weird teenager who was too loud and too pushy, and who you guided anyway! Thank you for humoring me!

And then I did find lasting friends. I graduated high school and found a group of amazing, nerdy, goofy people who I clicked with. We play D&D together, we eat together often, we share our stories, we talk and we laugh, we have inside jokes.

As I’ve gotten older I know I still have those moments. Even with my closest friends, I have doubts and anxieties about if they actually like me, if I’m a good and kind enough person to be able to sustain a friendship. Sometimes I think maybe I’m better off alone, because then any hurt I cause will only be me. I’ve never had friends before, I don’t know anything! Sometimes I think I’m too full of hurt to do anything but hurt. But I don’t trust those thoughts! My brain lies to me all the time! Those terrible twisted feelings never come from me, they come from a me that doesn’t know anything but pain and sorrow. I’m an entirely different person when the depression hits, and I’ve learned enough not to trust how I feel in those moments.

I know that I’m trying and my friends know it too. I’m not purposefully mean, I make amends when I make mistakes, which is all you can do because everyone makes mistakes. And I think about how much sadder my life would be without my support network. I would be miserable! Yeah I can do it alone, but I don’t want to! Doing it alone sucks! I love my friends! I don’t want to let them go, and they want me around. If my friends didn’t want me around, they’d tell me to pack it. Yet I’ve continued making friends, I find fun and weird people everywhere!

Fuck it, I’m gonna be me as much as I can! Life is terrible when you’re pretending to be someone else. And I’ve been lucky enough to find space irl where I can be me. If you can’t do that in person, go online, find community anywhere you can get it. I know I learned a lot from lurking online in high school.

My friends love me even though I have flaws, and I love them even though they have flaws. Including the anxiety and self doubt! Loving with flaws is human. Confidence is your armor against that self doubt. Even if it’s fake! Say fuck it and love your life, love yourself! The world is beautiful! Life is beautiful in those small moments laughing, in talking, in smiling.

Yes this is optimistic positivity! Because pessimism made me sad and being sad does not make you want to live! And I want to live. I made the choice once to live as much as I can. God’s tried to kill me twice and he has failed so far, so I will dance through life laughing.

I can still be depressed and I can still laugh! I can be lonely sometimes and still have friends! I can know that there’s always light at the end of the tunnel if I smile and greet the darkness as my friend.

On Isolation

[wellofdean]

I still remember what Jensen said years ago, I think he would disagree with Rob and Rich https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GjTN6m5WUAAxsWG?format=jpg&name=small

Here's the content of that link. Many apologies for reposting, but:

So, my first answer to this is, as I've said before, I am infinitely more interested in the text itself than I am in what any of them say about it, and the text is what it is (GAY). What's nice about these episodes of Rich & Rob's podcast is that they are actually responding to the thing we all saw in our TV box, and saying "Dial it down to 11 guys, geez," which: Yes. Good to know y'all can see a church by daylight.

But also, in the Q&A format at a con, there are loads of different reasons Jensen might say this or that. What's the context here? Who is he onstage with? What's the crowd like? What exactly was the question? Also, this answer rightly acknowledges that the "whole Dean and Cas thing" was poppin' off in season 8. Well spotted. Perhaps he is thinking that the show needed to separate them for awhile so they wouldn't have to just fucking make out already? In fact, perhaps that was exactly the thinking, because honestly, season 9 goes off on the star-crossed Destiel, complete with parallel cross-species romances to interrogate proof of concept and some serious Romeo and Juliet-ass shit:

Dean praying to Cas and saying "I need you here" while he agonises about what to do about Sam; the whole painful kicking Cas out of the bunker storyline with the yearning date prep and the fanfic gap (plus LOADS of other shit in that episode); Cas gets killed by April and Dean tenderly cradles his face and then is jealous about the sex; they have a big vulnerable heart-to-heart about the Sam situation and why Dean kept Cas away and Cas forgives him immediately and helps Dean; Dean takes the mark of Cain and the Crowley/Dean/Cas love triangle start revving up; Collette is invented for the sole purpose of paralleling Cas; the Garth is a werewolf episode is here about finding love in unexpected places! love Is love, yo!; the fitness centre episode with its many implications that Dean is into dudes; Metatron's speech about what gives a story meaning; Gabriel calls Cas Dean's boytoy; Metatron tells Cas "I left you human because I hoped you would live happily ever after" because HE KNOWS; the whole Romeo and Juliet thing in episode 20 with the werewolf/shapeshifter romance that pointedly mirrors Dean and Cas; Dean drops everything to go help Cas, leading to Cas giving up his army for one man; Hannah is invented to throw another triangle into the works; Metatron says Cas is in love..............with humanity; Dean dies (Juliet much?) and comes back a demon.

Like, I am leaving LOADS out.

Firstly? They were 💯 writing it like that. They leaned the fuck in every chance they got. And secondly, y'all get that Jensen pointedly does not talk about subtext, or things that the story is doing on the DL, or about things that haven't happened yet, and he doesn't talk about any of Dean's feelings that Dean would not openly talk about himself? Jensen is actually admirably disciplined and principled about it? And, you know that he could also just be disingenuous on purpose to avoid doing so, and to allow unspoken things to remain unspoken? If he just tells us, where's our joy in figuring it out going to come from? Y'all should THANK HIM for not stealing our joy.

I personally think? Jensen is clever. He is very intentional and I think he knows what he's doing. If you consider that Jensen talks AS DEAN in cons and never goes beyond something Dean would say, well...then it makes sense he would say that in light of the fact that anyone who understands narrative can see that the text itself is WALL TO WALL star-crossed Destiel, because that's what happens when you separate them and then write them as you have been all along. I'm glad he enjoyed it! Me too!

Like, either you think Jensen is a full idiot, or you have to admit that there might be layers to the things he says.

[northlight14]

A PSA to non asexual arcane fans!

Ok with the recent announcement that Viktor is asexual, as an asexual myself who has Viktor as their favourite character, I wanna get some shit out the way. There’s a good chance I’m gonna stop interacting with the arcane fandom because of this announcement because every time I’ve seen a character be confirmed asexual there’s always just this influx of acephobia and misinformation which makes it impossible for me to even interact with the fandom and feel safe. So throwing this at y’all and then we’ll see what happens. However, I do not speak for the whole of the asexual community so some aces may disagree with me and that’s ok, as long as y’all aren’t rude we can have a discussion (or you can just scroll or block me, whatevs🤷)

Asexual and aromantic are not the same thing. This is something the creator clearly doesn’t know since he used Viktor’s asexuality as a rebuttal against Jayvik which makes zero fucking sense but sure. So asexuals can still date and aromantics and still have sex. Some like myself are both but that’s not always the case

“Asexuality is a spectrum! Some asexuals still have sex!” is not the good excuse you think it is to depict asexuals in sexually explicit situations. Every time I see this paired with this excuse, the character is very obviously just made to be allosexual in the fanwork. Either stick to sexualising the allosexual characters or do your research on sex neutral/favourable asexuals and represent them properly. Otherwise what you’re doing is no different to writing a fic where a canonically lesbian character has sex with a man

“Asexuality is a spectrum! People can be demisexual or greysexual!” If the character was demisexual or greysexual, the creator would have said. But they didn’t. They said they were asexual. You changing the label doesn’t make you inclusive, it makes you acephobic

Viktor being announced as asexual only after the show was released and it being in rebuttal to a gay ship where the writer clearly doesn’t know what it actually means to be asexual isn’t the win for ace representation some might first think. Asexuals deserve explicit representation by people who bother to learn how to represent us properly

Having the only asexual character also be the character who’s storyline focuses on disability, something that people already infantalise also isn’t the win people might try and make it out to be. Disabled people are frequently denied sexuality and it is part of the way they are infantalised in western society. So having Viktor be disabled and also be the only asexual character feels a bit iffy to me. Obviously there are disabled people who are ace and I don’t want to diminish that experience either. And there would be ways to explore that in a more nuanced way but that’s not what happened. And frankly it would be so easy to avoid this by just having more than one ace character so it doesn’t feel like a trait exclusive to disabled people but sure go off I guess

A lot of you only give a shit about QPR’s (queer platonic relationships) so that you have an excuse to ship aromantic characters. Granted, I’m so in favour of QPR Jayvik because their relationship explicitly goes beyond what we consider standard for a platonic relationship, even if it’s canonically not romantic. But I’m bringing this up anyway because a lot of the time in fandom and society in general, QPR’s are seen as a way to make the aromantic character more “palatable” to the allo’s and shippers. And as someone in a QPR, that idea honestly feels both insulting but is also so damaging to the aro community as a whole. Loveless aromantics exist, some aromantics who do feel other forms of love still don’t want a QPR. Some like myself were/are indifferent and some like my partner really want/ed one. Not all of us are the same

Might’ve missed some stuff but yeah. Any acephobia will be deleted but I’m happy to have civil conversations and answer questions. Ultimately I just want a fandom to actually listen to ace people for once but I know that won’t happen. Still, I wanted to at least say my peace

[spiral-102]

ANOTHER random au idea that my brain comes up with (of course another pop star au- ITS DIFFERENT I SWEAR)

Ok picture this- Sonic a big time pop star. He changes up his music and style every new album. He goes from rap, to country, to rock, to cunty girly music, etc. Brother just makes music calling him a pop star doesn't really describe what he actually is tbh. Hes just a guy who likes to make music.

His newest album is his way of coming out to his fans. "Yeah- I like boys, so what?" He mostly does it to go against a lot of stupid articles that call him gay as an insult.

The album is called "I like boys" cause duh. He wants to have a gay ass album cover, so he asks his assistants (tails and knuckles) to get him a couple of male models (or even random hot dudes on the street) to basically come show themselves off so he can choose the hottest dude for his album cover.

Shadow ends up there by loosing a bet lol. The bet (Icantthinkofanythinglol) doesn't matter, but he lost to rouge and she thought it would be funny if he auditioned to be sonics hot dude. (She likes sonics music and follows him on social media plus they have worked together) (Shes in the modeling industry and has modeled with him and has even danced in one of his music videos)

So of course sonic has a studio rented out and its basically like an audition. Like 10 dudes come out at once (they ask 10 at once because a lot of dudes came to audition and makes it faster to get through), line up, and one by one each dude introduces himself and of course answers sonics questions. He doesn't really find most of them appealing mostly because they all seemed too nervous (he understands why but he wants someone with confidence).

Then out comes shadow with his group. Sonic takes almost immediate interest in shadow because well- BRO IS HOT LOL.

The confident stride, the 'I don't give a fuck' attitude when he answers sonics questions, the annoyed look on his face, the red eyeliner and highlights, his striking black fur, his piercing red eyes, HIS CHEST FUR- I could go on.

Of course shadow gets picked.

Shadow was VERY surprised he got picked. He gave sonic a lot of attitude and wasn't interested in sonics questions. He almost refused, but the pay is really good and the job is easy(haha very wrong). So he decides to it.

I drew the album cover but, you're gonna have to wait for that lol ❤❤

(The drawing is what inspired me lol)

Anyway, have a good day and may lord shadow bless you ❤❤

[bostoncreamdonut]

One of the biggest issues I have with the statement, “Not everything has to be gay,” is that not everything is gay.

Straight relationships are far more common than queer ones, even in a show like Arcane, with the main ship and protagonist being lesbian. (BTW, companies accepting WLW ships more than MLM ones are a different conversation but just know they are not your friends.)

What do you see more? A show with multiple queer couples and one token straight or vice versa?

It also implies that people would only ship two men because they derive pleasure from it, i.e. fetishize gay relationships. As if there can’t be genuine love, a bond, or chemistry that others can see in it— no! the characters are the same gender, so obviously people only ship it because they want gay.

It’s incredibly harmful and often used by poorly disguised homophobes who feel uncomfortable when their favorite male character is shipped with another man.

I’m sorry, dude, but your fav has more chemistry and screen time with his guy best friend than anyone else.

On the flip side, we could talk about how every male-female relationship in shows are often interpreted by cishet fans as romantic. These ships are even used to counter gay ships sometimes [as if anyone actually gives a fuck about whether a character is single or not/canonically in love when shipping.]

I might just start saying, “not everything has to be straight.”

Anyway! That’s everything I can think of right now but feel free to add on. Some people already have in the reblogs and it seems we all have the same issues. Hurrah 😃

“Viktor and Jayce have a brotherly bond, not everything has to be gay.”

[binomech]

been speculating a lot about irving bailiff potential thematic ties to the released episodes so far.

irving b. brings helly to perpetuity because she was being mean to mark and he thought she was having an existential crisis so she came to show her how lumon is a family too. his reaction to milchick ending helly's non introduction in the weird corporate pronoun circle with "i think she definitely has a family (in MDR)" is fondness and hope.

the way he scolds mark for the eagan bingo in the exact same voice he's uses to tell helena that helly was never cruel, turbochanneling disappointed but not surprised dad with an edge of actual fury because helly had an existential crisis and it wasn't a joke to him/helly's body was being used to hurt her and mark.

and i know this could be absolutely fucking nothing because irving outie lore is all speculation on isolated tidbits... but i keep looking at the helly and helena axes of the mirror. his dad was a marine, but irving has medals and an uniform too. he has trouble sleeping. radar behaves like a service dog more than a regular pet. he's a friend to children the elderly and the insane.

i think outie irving was a gay kid desperately trying to prove something by enlisting and came back traumatized and radicalized. he is severed and spends his whole outie existence engaging with art (painting, listening to opera and metal, reading, watching movies, dancing) and i think in the way he acts when he's the scolded kid for feeling these tender things in the severed floor contrasts hard when you put it next to the times when he tries to care for the younger members of MDR.

irving consistently being like i'm the seniormost refiner (always in innie years) and trying to convey to the fledgling that he feels more grounded and less existential crisis mode when he thinks about the eagans as family (as an explanation to why he is the way he is) and shit like the nature vs nurture theme present in the show in the form of the "why are people gay" question that an eugenicist circlejerk like the eagans might ponder

and the vietnam war and the AIDS crisis overlapping chronologically briefly but linearly arranged, the nixon-reagan double whammy... idk. i think a lot about the ways in which him and helly are shown to be... adults who were once children, which is different than the same expositional parallel in mark and dylan because of how their outies are. because outie dylan and mark have families, helena's notion of family is the eagans, and irving is utterly isolated from what we could understand as the nuclear family, which ties to material relations of reproductive power, which he is inherently in the margins of in his queerness and his disdain for lumon/capital.

[velvetvexations]

one of the wild things for me, just from my perspective, about the whole "male/female socialization" discussion is the extent to which it applies outside of "bio sex" too, and the fact that it is applied outside of that might be where some TRFs have gotten it in their heads that all trans women are secretly seen as women

speaking from my own experience as someone who was afab but spent my early childhood as a "genderweird girl" (tomboy to the nines, became a trans man in adulthood, etc) is the extent to which i was simultaneously punished for not doing Girl right, but also because i was a tomboy i was expected to still adhere to masculinity in a "correct" away among those who DID accept me as a tomboy. if i, as a tomboy, had "girly interests" my more tomboy or boy peers would react with a "Ugh that's so gay" and i have actually been called a faggot for it, disparaged for it, made to feel shame over it, etc, despite having been afab and identified as a girl at the time. like, generally people absolutely didn't like that i was a masculine girl, but those who "accepted" that i was got mad when i didn't do masculine right either and would disparage me for being faggoty. and when i did show interest in other boys, that was unacceptable and invasive only in a way where if i'd been a gay boy. though at the same time i certainly wasn't encouraged to be a dyke either. and throughout it all i experienced constant misogyny and have had horrible misogynistic violence inflicted on me. but also androphobic violence?

to add onto that, i know of those who grew up as masculine girls who were raised with expectations of toxic masculinity rather than femininity, because they were tall, strong, broad, "boyish", "naturally masculine", etc., and they're disparaged if they seek out femininity

and then on the flip side you have boys who grow up feminine or at the very least genderweird and especially as they socialize more with girls, they are to uphold expectations of femininity in those spaces while still being disparaged for not doing boy right. but as a Feminine Boy if they do masculine things, they are outcast by those who "accepted" them as feminine. sure the "mean girl catty gay twink" is a stereotype that is applied harmfully but not one without basis in reality, and when as men they are cruel they are cruel in ways often attributed to the feminine or to women, and these men also often experience misogyny from their peers in some way or another

this is why we really need to take seriously the idea that anyone can be subjected to transmisogyny and transandrophobia (and exorsexism!), because we see it all over the place in the earliest stages of child socialization and applied in ways that defy biological sex even

i think what happens is that people are classed along gendered lines for both biological sex reasons and for secondary characteristic reasons.

"if you are a big broad girl you have failed at being a girl for being big and broad and we will never let you live that down but you best never try to access femininity because what you are defies what i think is feminine and what feminine should be. so you better be big and broad and strong and not cry and not wear dresses"

and "if you are a small weak boy you have failed at being a boy for being small and weak and we will never let you live that down and whenever you try to access masculinity we will disparage you and hurt you and treat you as lesser for it and someone as small and weak and non threatening as you cannot be a real man because it defies what i think are real men"

as far as trans people are concerned there are trans people who were gender conforming before transition and those were not gender conforming, and so we have such wildly different experiences coming into the trans discussion, which is heavily treated like we need a one size fits all definition of The Trans Experience

idk it feels clunky to say there is "masculine socialization" and "feminine socialization" (without just creating a Second Binary) and these can be applied regardless of agab while people are still punished for not adhering to the expectations of their agab, but i have no other way to describe it. just that i think we need to discuss it more because it is so much more complex than we're currently allowing into the discussion

Yeah, exactly, either AGAB can be socialized either way, or neither. TRFs just assume that anyone who says "male socialization" must be trying to say all trans women were male socialized because they know TERFs say that and they haven't bothered to read anything beyond that.

[metanarrates]

Do you have any thoughts about Mark's brother's "shitty book" being a bit of a catalyst for the changing behavior in the MDR team?

Is it a common experience for people in Mormonism/cults to find some kind of "outside 'shitty' media" that they enjoy and leads them to start questioning more of the "programming"?

i do have thoughts! unsure if they're unique or revolutionary insights, given that this is stuff that anyone might be able to infer from watching the show, but I can ramble about it a bit

so it is a really, really common cult tactic to disallow, or in lower-control cults, just heavily disapprove of certain types of unapproved material. this is a tactic of thought control - if you only consume things that don't contradict the cult's mindset, you are much less likely to be influenced by something that could lead to you questioning or acting out. (i'll note that mormonism is typically lower control in that regard - you're heavily discouraged and shamed out of consuming things that are impure, but there's no actual banned books list or anything.) cult members often end up with pretty limited worldviews and understanding of the broader world because of this.

because the pool of approved ideas in a cult like this is so very limited, it's not uncommon to have a lifeline out be something that seems very small and mundane to ordinary people. something like a group of non-cult friends, or a weekly class, or even a shitty book might give the cult member the much-needed experiences and insight that they need to realize that something isn't right. sure, ricken's book in severance is objectively full of shitty, self-centered platitudes, and is quite shallow, but to someone like mark s., who has never once heard that his interior experiences matter and that he shouldn't be controlled by his work, it is revolutionary. he needs a little self-centeredness to be able to escape the trap that lumon has put him into, frankly!

i'll also point out that limiting materials/approved experiences isn't just relegated to physically limiting what members can do. there is a heavy propaganda in almost all these cases against unapproved material and unapproved actions, saying that they will make the people who engage in them miserable, unfulfilled, impure, etc. etc. etc. while this particular tactic doesn't seem to work much on mark s., we do have an example of that kind of propaganda working on a severance character, which is of course irving.

irving in many ways is a perfect cult member. throughout much of season 1, he is deeply ideologically committed to lumon. he quotes the handbook like a bible, finds all his meaning and beauty in life through lumon teachings, and strives to be the best worker he can be for the sake of kier's vision. and like any good cult member, he fears what might happen if he contradicts what he's been taught to be. he might become tainted or imperfect if he does things that are banned or has thoughts or behaviors that aren't in line with what lumon approves of.

what he finds to free him of that is not reading material, but a relationship with burt. and though this is a little bit different than the original question, i do find it to be very emotionally similar to what I myself have experienced. if you're told all your life that doing something Wrong will make you miserable, but you discover that it makes you happy or gives you new insight into the world, it's a powerful catalyst to break free! you realize how much has been kept from you by a prison of fear, and you realize how much you've been taught was a lie.

irving has this experience with burt, realizes that what he has been taught makes him miserable, and it sets his attempts for freedom into motion. and this is a full aside now, but as a gay ex-cult member who used to be deeply committed to the cult, it's why i find myself Really resonating with his character. me too guy!!! a powerful experience of love outside of what you've been shown is Right can really do a number on your head for real.

but to answer your question finally - yes, it's common enough. a lot of cult members don't always break free because they have experiences with something Profound. it's often quite mundane but that mundanity shows them that there's more to life than what they know!

[jrpg]

i hold no ill will towards this what i assume to be at least somewhat tongue-in-cheek post or the poster but it really does encapsulate this new wave i'm seeing of "joy is an act of resistance"-isms that, to me, are the evolution of the slightly older "there is no ethical consumption under capitalism." a complete & utter refusal to engage with a reality that requires introspection. much like how choice feminism holds that any action a woman takes is inherently empowering while completely detaching it from the context of how said action can affect other women, there's this idea that any minor act of self-indulgence is some kind of praxis or revolutionary act (especially amongst white queer people), when all it does is center the individual's pleasure over collective uplifting via.. actual revolutionary acts. or at the very least practical acts of resistance that improve the material reality of people who are most affected by "the collapse of society." it's not really an act of resistance to take loads in a truckstop bathroom, because while whiteness or being working class can keep you (general you, of course) safe for now, when the fascists are done with the browns & the transes & the disableds, you're next. and sexual deviancy isn't really helping those groups as much as it can possibly help individuals, who might not belong to those groups. and it won't help you. it's just another way to skirt around the abjection that comes with realizing fascism is on the rise and you have very, very few options to hinder it, or that countless people are dying in the name of your nations, or that people who look like you lead very, very different, much harder lives, or that you have to give up all the nice things you have so things for others can get better. so you just don't. you give up, and you resign to labelling the most benign of actions as praxis. which isn't even going into how, like, "becoming a sexual deviant" is in my opinion something that's easier for the truly privileged.

i mean, personally, i'm a palestinian living in occupied palestine. being visibly palestinian and queer and also outspokenly anti-zionist (as outspokenly as this fascist colony will allow without putting my life in danger) i'm kind of taking a gamble every time i leave the house to go to college or to get coffee or to work on whether or not i'll be harassed by a zionist, a homophobe or a combination of the two. i can't just, like, get on the Apps trademark symbol and live the cumdump fantasy. because, surprisingly enough, zionist gays aren't too fond of me. so my reality is that i have to choose between having a safe life or a sex life. and i'm relatively better off than say, undocumented workers from the west bank or the people of congo or a long list of people who have it unfathomably worse than i do.

so it's like, yeah man i'm really happy that you guys can have fun sex and calling it an act of resistance while everyone else is fighting for their lives. i wish the acts of resistance i have to take were that fun or easy.

don't be shy, fight the collapse of society by becoming a sexual deviant!

[haveyouseenthisqueertvshow]

Non-exhaustive list of things I have learned in the few days I have run this blog:

911 and 911 Lone Star are actually two separate shows. I'm sorry 911 fans I've been having one sided beef with you because I thought it was weird that everyone was losing their mind over the possibility of bucktommy happening when there was already a prominent gay couple in the show. Apparently they are in fact from two separate shows altogether (though related). oops.

The mlm stuff in Arcane isn't actually canon. I don't follow a ton of people who watch this show, so I only knew tiny bits and fragments. But I would see a lot of memes of like comparing the arcane yuri vs yaoi or whatever. And I knew the ladies were canon. So I naturally assumed that the guys were too. But then I got the Arcane submitted and the submitter only noted wlw, so I went on this whole google hunt to figure out if the submitted just left it out or something just to find out that Jayce and Viktor are canonically just bros.

Young Royals is actually in Swedish. Now, I've had a decent amount of Young Royals content come across my dash before, so I knew of the show. But the things with gifsets is that if they don't have audio so any lines of dialogue is written out. So visually, a gif of a show in English and a gif of a show in another language subbed in English is going to look the same. So I just assumed that Young Royals was in English and never saw anything to suggest otherwise. That lead to me coming up with some confusing ideas of what the show was about (I think I somehow came up with the idea that the show was set in like America and either the "royals" was a cheeky ref to just like rich people being like royals, something to do with like an internal school title like instead of class president you were the class prince, or the school was just a hot spot for different royal families to send their kids). Anyways when it got submitted and I did my little google search for a poster and the years it aired, I found out that the show is Swedish

[bluedalahorse]

Felice Week Poll: Who should be Felice’s S4 Love Interest?

Posted for YR characters month, hosted by @youngroyals-events.

This is part analysis, part poll.

I have contradictory emotions about the way Felice’s brushes with romantic relationships are handled in Young Royals.

On one hand, I like that Felice’s storyline does so much to center friendships, especially her friendship with Sara. I’m aromantic, so these kinds of stories that privilege friendship matter to me, especially in stories where there’s a heavy emphasis on a romantic plot.

On the other hand, we never see Felice in a fulfilling romantic and/or sexual relationship. Neither August nor Wilhelm treats her 100% great, and we are informed that many other boys have crushes on her, but we never get to see her enjoy casual moments of flirtation or fun.

Unfortunately, these writing choices don’t exist in a vacuum, and also I can’t help noticing that Felice’s story falls into a broader trend of Black characters frequently being unlucky or unchosen in romance. Martha Jones and Bonnie Bennet are other characters who are emblematic of this trend, but the more you look, the more you see it all over.

I highly recommend watching Princess Weekes’s videos where she discusses this trend in more depth with examples from lots of different TV shows. She does an especially good job of addressing how people will say “but isn’t it empowering for a female character to be strong on her own, without a romance?” For white female characters, who are often sheltered and framed as delicate by the patriarchy, forgoing a romance is often empowering. On the other hand… for Black female characters, it’s different. Black women and girls are often discouraged from showing vulnerability or softness and often end up as the unlucky leg of a love triangle, so it’s a departure from the status quo to actually have Black female meaningfully engage in an onscreen romance!

Which is why, in some parallel universe where YR gets a season 4—or at least in more fanfics centered on Felice’s POV and set in the future—I’d love to see her get to have a storyline where she falls in love with someone and they love her back in return. Big swoony teen drama first love stuff, like we get to see Simon have with Wilhelm and Sara have with August. Maybe with a little less in the way of princely drama, but I think you know what I mean. It doesn’t have to be a love story where we assume the relationship lasts forever, and it doesn’t have to undermine Felice’s friendships. Simon getting together with Wilhelm doesn’t undermine his friendships, after all, and Sara and August aren’t together at the end of the series. The point is it should be significant. Let Felice feel the big feelings! Let someone else also feel them back for her!

(I’m also in favor of Felice having an aro or ace storyline as long as it is explicitly named as such, although that isn’t the focus of this post. It is the focus of my fic Doubles Over Couples though.)

So with all that established, I now ask you…

I left off options where Felice would be breaking up an existing ship (wilmon or stedrika) or dating a character we assume to be gay (Nils or Marcus, who both I guess could be bi, you never know.) But you know what? If that’s your jam, go ahead and tell me in the tags. I hold nothing sacred after all.

You can also tell me why you chose the character you chose in your tags. Maybe you have an idea for giving a character a lot of development and taking their arc in a new direction. (Like, idk, why not envision a story about Felice and Alexander?) If you do, I’d love for you to share it and tell me the arc you have in mind.

Please reblog the poll for reach! This should be fun.

[evilbookworm]

i find it interesting that a lot of people can’t understand that el and mike simply dont work as a couple (byler aside)

the only reason mike pursued el was because the people in his life told him he like el in that way. im personally team mike never romantic liked/loved el, i genuinely believe he confused platonic feelings with romantic feelings i’m going to put queerness aside for a second to focus on heteronormative standards it’s actually very common for younger people to misinterpret platonic feelings as romantic ones especially (i had a friend in elementary school who was really like a brother to me and a lot of people keep telling us to date and i remember how uncomfortable and weirded out it made us feel because we didn’t want that or understood why people got that idea)

and i think s3 (even tho it’s like my least favorite season tbh) really highlights why mileven don’t work as a couple. it really does bother me that people ignored how el bypassed mike boundaries and never really apologies for it (im not gonna get into the way people hold mike overly accountable in his relationships with other characters even when they do the same thing and sometimes worse to him 😀)

They really don’t. They’ve been toxic all through season 3 and 4. It clearly isn’t a healthy relationship.

And you’re completely right anon! Nancy and Lucas were the ones who were always probing Mike on liking El. It was comphet. He had completely platonic feelings for her and viewed her more as his savior than as his partner, I think. Not to mention that Mike probably thinks he’s gonna end up in a marriage like his parents, loveless and for the money. Also, so sorry about what happened to you with your friend. As someone who’s still in the closet, (trans guy) I’ve been pushed to like a boy, which, I am gay, but I’m not comfortable with having a romantic relationship yet, since I’m not even out.

Season 3 does highlight that! Though I do think season 4 really cements it. And yeah, El was also in the wrong for not respecting Mike’s boundaries and never apologizing for it, just like Mike was in the wrong for calling El a “different species”. The two aren’t good for each other, and this can be confirmed in season 4, when it’s obvious they’re relationship isn’t working anymore, and they want different things.

[slimeboiss]

Last Defense Character Analysis

I already did a full breakdown of my preliminary thoughts on these characters when most of them didnt even have names, so I figured i'd return to this topic now that each and everyone of these freaks is accounted for (as far as we know anyway). Have my opinions changed or what I secretly a genius that nailed all these characters on my first impressions? Let's see

TAKUMI SUMINO

I'll be honest, I don't really have anything new to say about this guy that hasn't already been said in my last post. I'm sure there have been a few tidbits about his character that have popped up in some trailers, but as far as I know nothing so far has changed my perception of him as your average Danganronpa protagonist (including Kokohead, from Rain Code). Which isn't necessarily a bad thing - the protagonists of Kodaka's games tend to be some of the more inoffensive characters. And like with every protagonist (save probably Makoto because who cares about him) Im sure theres more to him than meets the eye - but I doubt that it'll fundamentally change his everyman personality he's got going on.

DARUMI AMEMIYA

She's like the mascot of the game for me. I've never seen a more Danganronpa-coded character in my life.

Like Takumi I think I nailed down my thoughts on Darumi pretty well in my first post - she's had a lot of early prominence in early trailers, so it was easier to get a feel for what she was like compared to some of the no-names in the cast.

That being said, as more information about her came out, she does strike me as a character that hides her much deeper issues behind a mask. She actively wants to die, and she wants to die in a spectacular way. My guess is that she's had a horrific life (who hasn't in these games), and her obsession with killing games is a coping mechanism. I expect that she might have a touch of suicidal ideation and maybe even self harm habits stemming from this, though I can't imagine whether or not the writers are capable of handing it well.

Guess we'll have to wait and see!

EITO AOTSUKI

Getting queerbaited by the man behind Danganronpa is like losing chess to a dog but man come on. "Takumi's most trusted ally"? Who do you think you're fooling

He's a nerd with little social skills but he has strong feelings about friendships. He's also apparently sickly, which explains why he was the same skin tone as copy paper. The only difference between my initial impression of him is that I expected him to be a lot more "cooler" - closer to Byakuya, but not as much as an asshole. However, his profile and quotes seems to lean to him being a far more earnest and awkward character than that.

And yes the gay sex scene still looms heavy over him but I still have no idea how to contextualize that with what we know about him. Maybe he really is freaky like that.

(it'd be funny if that scene is just not in the game at all and nobody behind the game ever acknowledges that it happened.)

HIRUKO SHIZUHARA

Apparently, she's the Leader of the Special Defense Unit, but I have no idea how that translates into the game itself. Is she Sirei's second in command (disregarding Nigou for a second)? She does have a domineering energy that would make her a good candidate for leadership, but like

Is she the one giving out commands in battle

is she actually the protagonist but exclusively in combat

maybe im overthinking this, im tired lol and reaching for new things to say

Besides that, she's a huge fan of violence and bloodshed, which is a character trait that is shared by like half the cast. You're not special girl get a new character trait.

TAKEMARU YAKUSHIJI

Yeah I was pretty much spot on, this guy is the delinquent with a heart of gold. I want to say though, he comes off as more hotblooded and harmless than Mondo for some reason. It's hard to explain, their archetypes are pretty much identical but Takemaru comes off as if he's putting more emphasis on the "defender of the weak" part right off the bat. Im basing this all on a few quotes the devs deliberately selected to give that impression, so who knows, maybe hes just as much of an antisocial jerk as Mondo was in his first few hours.

I will say that they're not beating "this is danganronpa but again" allegations with this guy.

KAKO TSUKUMO

She deserves to be in a better game.

Okay okay, I don't have much to add about her. She's meek and a bit spacy, traits I could have gathered from early trailers. She also wants to be a detective, because she's a fundamentally curious character.

I don't want to acknowledge the elephant in the room, but it does seem that she's... resentful about a certain relationship of hers. She gives me the impression that she wants to be independent, but a certain someone keeps dragging her back - and perhaps, her sense of genuine love and her naturally submissive personality keeps her from voicing her true feelings. I will expand a bit on my theories on the next section, where unfortunately I have to talk about-

IMA TSUKUMO

Im not sure what I was expecting

Okay so "siscon" is a very common trope in japanese media - you even see it in otherwise "good" media like Spy x Family. It's not necessarily "romantic" in nature, yes, but 9 times out of 10 it straddles the border between platonic and romantic so closely that at that point you might as well be playing the Coffin of Andy and Leyley.

In this case, it seems that their "relationship" is the way it is because of their very rough upbringing, with Ima becoming Kako's sole protector. By that line of reasoning, it's not a surprise that Ima would be so defensive over his sole sister, and why Kako, who has presumably been sheltered by Ima most of her life, would be so meek and curious.

That being said, nothing about how Ima has been written so far or Kodaka's previous track record inspires much confidence that this is going to be anything but a stock incest joke for 90 percent of their screentime, which is a shame. It could genuinely be an interesting storyline if it wasn't written by the Danganronpa creators.

Also worth pointing out that their character art has opposing angel and devil motifs. Make of that what you will but like I don't need him to have evil fucked up wings to gather that this guy is a creep.

TSUBASA KAWANA

She's like, normal. From what I've gathered, she's a perky, generally cheerful girl that doesn't do well under pressure. Her gimmick appears to be that she tends to throw up when she's put in a stressful situation, which I hope doesn't become a running gag that gets run to the ground.

Also, it looks like her talent with machines (who could have guessed), also has a gameplay purpose. She can upgrade character's weapons in the garage - which does make me wonder if other characters have a sort of additional gameplay mechanic that tie in with their talents, or is she just special in that regard.

Also she has a whole ass van as a weapon, which must suck for Takumi who just got a katana. Katanas are cool but not as cool when your classmates gets a freaking armored van.

SHOUMA GINZAKI

His title is literally "Waste of Space", LMAO

I speculated that he had a Chihiro-like personality, being meek, shy, and perhaps a literal self-deprecating. I was right, but he definitely leans way more into the self-deprecating angle. Sorta like Toko or Mikan, but with an outward personality skewing closer to Chihiro, if that makes sense. (Yes i know this is not a danganronpa game but these are the closest analogies i can make).

He might have gone some experimentation (judging from a screenshot of him on an operating table), something that perhaps heavily influenced his self esteem. Maybe the experiment went bad and left him looking like a kindergartener. I'd be pretty fucked up too if I got stuck looking like a smurf my whole life.

I suspect he's a closet nerd (specifically for Gundam), on account of his weapon being a fucking mech.

As an aside note, if we keep going with the danganronpa comparisons, it's funny how you can draw a line between the token cartoon character designs - from sex offender who everyone hates (Hifumi and Teruteru) to gnomes that hate themselves (Ryoma and this guy)

GAKU MARUKO

Fuckass bowl cut

I didnt mention this specifically in my first analysis (if you want to call it that), but I kinda took this guy for a "lovable" coward type. Think Hiro. This is pretty close to the true, except he like openly admits to not caring about anyone but himself. He's like very explicitly a selfish prick. He gives me the vibe of this very annoying character who nonetheless mellows out as you near the endgame. His bio does state that he is good at taking care of the people he has open his heart to, so it's not like he's a complete sociopath.

I have no idea what this means but I'm sticking with my "token pervert" theory. Nonzero chance that this guy is develops a creepy obsession with a girl that takes over 90 percent of his characterization (see Kazuichi Souda)

YUGAMU OMOKAGE

Certified freak.

He's got the same deal as Darumi, having a weird, almost fetishistic obsession with murder, but unlike Darumi, his stems from the fact that he's the heir to a family of hitmen. Not only does he enjoy murder, but he also enjoys torture - anything that inflicts pain, either on other people, or on himself. Grade A sadomasochist, a very Danganronpa-coded character.

His dialogue also very heavily implies that he desires Takumi carnally, in which case he would have to get in line behind Eito.

Apparently, he's also a fan of getting naked and streaking through the school. I genuinely don't know what to make of that.

KYOSHIKA MAGADORI

I expected her to be a more serious, stoic character, closer to a Peko or Maki, but turns out she's like, weird. She took becoming a samurai too seriously and now she had a third grade education and all the knowledge of swordsmanship and bushido that she could gather from anime. In other words, she's a grade A otaku, but she has no idea how technology works because she's as old fashioned as a samurai. In other words, she's like, closer to Gundham than she is to her fellow swordswoman Peko.

The other gimmick about her is that she has a very close relationship with her sword. And if you don't know what that means, then Kurara makes a joke in her character introduction trailer that Kyoshika uses her... ahem, as a sheath. So yeah. This sure is Danganronpa writing.

KURARA OOSUZUKI

I was off about her the most probably - I wouldn't really call her a chuunibyou anymore, she falls into the Rich Bitch Ojou-sama archetype except that for some godforsaken reason she wears a giant tomato on her head.

Honestly theres very little in her design that could have given me the impression, besides maybe the ruffled blouse you can kinda make out beneath her giant fucking mask. She's haughty and annoying, kinda like Byakuya except that I cant imagine she fulfills the same role as he does - in part because I imagine it would be really hard to take your rival antagonist seriously if she looks like that.

For some reason her weapon is a bejeweled shovel - i imagine everyones weapons have some sort of symbolism, but i couldnt imagine what shovels have to do with her.

MOKO MOJIRO

I don't have much else to add, I think her joyous whimsy was pretty evident in her character design from the moment i saw her. She does seem to be the type to overexert herself for some reason, given the fact that we see her reassuring Not Karua while laying on a bed.

Yuri.

NOZOMI KIRIFUJI

Here we are. I had a sneaking suspicion, but it looks like we finally have confirmation. "Nozomi" is not the game character as Karua (Takumi's childhood friend). These are definitely two different characters.

Right. Anyway,

I expected that this would be the twist. These games always have an amnesiac character, and this time around it's not the protagonist that's fallen victim to it. But is it really amnesia, or is she truly a different person? Or did Karua even exist at all? Is Nozomi the original?

Anyway, out of all the characters in the game, Nozomi stands out not just because of her similarity to Takumi's dead childhood friend. All the characters wear black uniforms when in battle EXCEPT her. When she transforms into combat mode, she doesn't shed blood like everyone else either - instead being bathed in blue light.

Why is that? Is she like a robot? Her uniform has robotic attachments that are absent in everyone else's uniform, so it's not a farfetched idea. But that's about as far as my theories go. Who she is, her relation to Karua, etc. I have no theories at the moment lmao. Kodaka has already pulled the clones and twin sisters twist before, and while nothing is stopping him from doing it again, I wonder if he came up with a new batshit plot twist. Maybe the real Karua were all the corpses we've made along the way.

Poor Takumi she does not fuck with him.

As a closing note, "Nozomi" as a name means hope. So make of that what you will.