#FUCK i really thought things could be better next semester but rn i just wanna stop existing

[viiinz]

personal vent in the tags, feel free to ignore

[kalims]

I just like really need to get this off my chest, so please. I don't care if you're just gonna read this but I'm so sick so I just wanna let it all out

ever since online started, my first thought was: yay! no more school. cause I thought it'd be easier for me. news flash, I was completely fucking wrong. for the last, what? two years my mental health has been crashing down, sometimes there's times where I think: oh. this is actually okay, I think I'm gonna be fine but then the next moment I'm bawling my eyes out about something I never wanted to live my life doing.

school sucks. it took me years, semester after semester to get used to it. my first year was horrible, I was behind everything. I ignored everything, I procrastinated my works and I thought when it was finally time to pass them: I'll never get past this. but im here, somehow I'm here and yet again I'm facing another wall. i feel hopeless again. and this year. it's the most hopeful I've been, I've been better. so much better than this is the first time I've ever been truly proud of myself. but now I don't know anymore.

my grades came and I'm ashamed to say they aren't high, funny how I'm insecure even about a few numbers thats supposed to decide my life course.

it's unhealthy but when I face things like this, the only thought I had was how much I wanted to die. im humiliated of myself because I'm so fucking pathetic, I can change my life right now but I can't and i don't even know why. it's funny cause i keep telling my freind that I'll kms but I'm still alive, cause im too young. and i don't know how to disappear. I'm trying to stay alive because for once, I want to be good in something that no one will ever surpass me in.

my mom's facing me right now, she's laughing. I can see that she's holding in her laughs at the face of my tears.  she's comforting me but I can't take her words to heart. it goes out of one ear and out of the other.

and as much as I love everyone I've met with all my heart, my freinds, I love them so much and I appreciate them. but sometimes I feel so lonely because no one has ever said nice things to me, to validate my feelings, but I was okay because I was always used to being left with my thoughts and just passing one of it with a few jokes. I hate that no one was ever willing to ask me: "are you okay? do you wanna talk about it?" without me asking for it first. maybe some people did ask me about it, I cant remember. thank you for them.

even if I did receive one of them. I probably chose to brush it off. god I make no sense right now.

to the strangers, people, online and irl freinds I have. I'm so sick, my best freind. I always played as someone she could trust, I hate that I'm talking to her behind her back rn but I couldn't fucking careless right now because I can't tell if I'm just on my period. whenever I rant to her about topics I'm interested in (an anime, genshin, just topics I love) she always just sends one worded replies like "what" or "okay" one time she even told me that she couldn't give a shit about things she didn't know about. a few days ago, idk when. she asked to rant about her book, which of. I didn't even know about. I told her "sure. do you even have to ask?" and then I let her send me lengthy messages, I even made comments about it.

I'm so sick telling other people the exact same words that I want to hear.

okay let's put it simply. I'm the therapist friend, I always wanted to take psychology. I'm the girl that asks google on how to comfort someone so I can provide better comfort. I'm selfish for wanting to be comforted myself but who the hell am I anyways? I don't have a lot of irl freinds, sometimes in online I feel isolated cause I don't really ever fit in. I'm not pretty, I know I can be smart if I actually put in the effort and if I wasn't so lazy, I'm not rich, in fact my family isn't very wealthy. I look at other people and the only thing I can do is stare in envy because I can never get it.

I don't know how to make myself look good, I don't know shit about makeup, I don't even know anything about basic information I'm supposed to do. I know I won't able be ever let outside my house to hang out with friends because my parents are strict.

I hate that all my friends are better than me in one way or another. I always thought to myself: I want to live another life. because i was truly, upset, and unhappy in this one. no matter how many times I feel happy there's always gonna be something that's gonna drag me down again.

when I finally choose to open up to my parents, the thing they always do is laugh at me. they treat my words like it's a joke, maybe it's just a common reaction but I'm sensitive. that sounds oddly like a pick me but I want to be honest with my feelings without using jokes to dismiss it.

I love them, but I hate them because they always choose to try and force my feelings out of me. they threaten to take away my phone when I dont talk to them and it's exhausting to talk about something that I don't wanna talk about to someone like them.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being a big sister, I'm tired of being a daughter, I'm tired of being a freind, and I'm so fucking tired of living. it sucks.

I'm so tired of being yelled at because I didn't have the energy to finish a school work that I didn't want to do in the first place. I'm tired of being called that it's my fault for having a bad grade. I'm so fucking tired of putting up with everything. I'm so tired that I'm always the one being blamed when my brother does something wrong. I'm so tired of never really having anything for myself because if I ask for something it will only burden my family, so I'd be content with everything I have even if it isn't a lot as long as I'd be able to do the stuff I love.

"it will pass", I believe that saying but I just want it to end right now. I don't want it to pass. it sucks that I can't do anything right now. all I can do is drag myself to my desk and let a bunch of things confuse me. everything I do, it always ended in disaster. as much as i hate to say it, it really is all my fault.

my parents stay silent but I can't tell if their silence is worse then when they're scolding or screaming to me about something. I hate them so much because of the non-existent psychological pressure and torture they put me through. I lie to them, just so I can save myself from that again.

for now. I'll just force myself to not play anything until I finish every single fucking thing. I don't care if I end up staying up for days but who cares anyways? I just hoped my parents would've let me down slowly instead of blaming it all on me on one go. I sound so edgy rn. honestly there's a lot more but i don't have the energy anymore. this prolly means I won't post for a while. thanks. bye.

[binunus]

college bf!bin

a/n the duality of this man??? i’m deceased...anyway i did not think this would go this long but uh my hand slipped...happy birthday binnie!

word count: 5k

genre: fluff, smut, (tiny) angst _________________________________________________

ugh yo

bin is so??? infuriatingly hot??? yet cute at the same time

major: exercise science

and because I love mermaid prince/the beginning, he’s been on the swim team since first year college

swam varsity starting his second year

besties with eunwoo, they were roommates their whole college career

alright so bin loves making friends

he’s so playful and talkative once you really get to know him

but his aura?? tbh very intimidating

like he has an rbf and just like he’s so tall, broad shouldered, built, like he just carries himself very strongly that you will get intimidated when you first meet him

very well known in the university

literally has a professional photographed banner of him hanging in the athletic building with the gold medal he won freshman year

a little embarrassed about it

not really, only when the boys (as in literally the other five) tease him

myungjun: woOoOw bin that guy on the banner really looks like you, don’t you think?

rocky: we geeeeet it you’re a star athlete

blah blah blah you know the vibes, they’re endearing

so how do you meet bin?

basically you’re a friend of a friend—you’re eunbi’s (sinb) friend

you’ve only met bin briefly from time to time, but otherwise you never really had any reason to get acquainted with him

your only encounters of him are when he wants to annoy eunbi and she immediately puts him in his place

but then suddenly in the spring semester of your 2nd year, you and him are in the same 8 am

a boring statistics gen ed class that everyone needs to take in order to graduate

you were running a bit late during the first class meeting—you woke up 30 minutes after your alarm and literally rushed out of your apartment—you made it to class with 2 minutes to spare

most of the seats were filled up already, except that one seat in the back left corner by the window next to the one and only moon bin

oh would you look at that

you felt a bit relieved honestly, you didn’t know anyone else in that class so at least you saw a semi-familiar face

he grinned at you when you sat down

“hey y/n”

you were a bit taken back, “you know my name?”

he laughed a little, “yeah of course, you’re one of eunbi’s really good friends, why wouldn’t I know your name?”

before you could respond, the professor started class and ceased your conversation

one thing you realized as the weeks start to go on

you and bin could not give any two fucks about statistics

no offense to stats lovers

every 8 am on mon/wed/fri, neither one of you would pay attention in class

you both enabled each other to not pay attention basically

so when the professor announced the content and date for the first exam

you and bin literally looked at each other with the same expression

you were both fucked

after class was dismissed, instead of the two of you quickly packing your things and fleeing the room immediately, you both lagged a little bit

you: so...do you know anything that’s going to be on the exam?

bin: uh...no? y/n you’re literally right next to me, you know I don’t do jack shit in this class

you: well fuck, how are you gonna study then bin?

bin: I was probably gonna ask my roommate to help me, he passed with a 96 when he took this class

you give him the best puppy dog eyes you could muster up, you lean in and clasp your hands together like you’re praying

“can he help me too...? please?”

bin’s eyes go a lil wide bc you were a bit closer than he was used to and shit was his heart racing rn?

bin: uh...yeah...sure, i’ll text you to come over when we’re gonna study

you beam at him and like in your excitement you give him a hug

“thank you thank you thank you! i literally cannot fail this class. I’ll see you on friday bin!”

with that you grabbed your bag and just left, leaving bin shocked

he’s surprisingly a shy boy okay!

he always thought you were cute from when he first saw you hanging out with eunbi, but ofc he never thought any more of it

until you guys had this class together and he started to think every day, that wow you are really cute

bin texts you the next day

coincidentally, eunbi texts you too

bin: hey this is bin, if you’re free in an hour my roommate’s gonna help me go over the material in ch. 1

eunbi: why did bin ask for your number

you to bin: yes! send me your addy and i’ll be there :)

you to eunbi: we’re in the same stats class lol and we’re gonna study for our exam next week

eunbi: lol moon bin studying? you might wanna bring some wine with you for emergency y/n

you: lol what do you mean by that?

eunbi: binnie hates studying, but good luck!

ahh, eunbi becomes unhinged when it comes to bin

but you know it’s bc they’re that close, they’re literally childhood best friends, more so like siblings

still, studying w him couldn’t be that bad right?

spoiler alert, it went alright

you felt bad showing up to bin’s apartment empty handed so you picked up some coffee before you arrived

you officially meet bin’s roommate, eunwoo, and you’re floored for like 2 minutes bc literally how can a man like him be real?

cue bin being a bit jealous bc yeah he knew his roommate’s perfect but like damn did you have to be affected by him too :(

eunwoo’s a good teacher alright? you actually understood the material from him

you: idk what eunbi’s talking about, you’re actually not that bad at studying bin

bin being offended: oh god what did eunbi say about me

eunwoo smirking: maybe it’s because you’re here y/n, bin usually doesn’t focus this much when it’s just me trying to help him

you: ???

bin in his head: i can’t trust anyone huh 

before you left his place, you and bin planned to meet up and study one more time before your stats exam

it was just you and bin this time

although you’d never admit it, yes you tried to look good for meeting up with him

yeah he’s a friend?? at least you think you were at that level?? but still, he’s a cute friend and you really didn’t want him to see you looking crusty

you and bin end up studying for a whole 5 hours

granted, half of that time you two were messing around, eating food, trying to procrastinate for as long as you could

bc even though you two had a good handle on the material now—thanks to eunwoo—you both still hated statistics

you knew bin started to get more comfortable with you bc he started teasing you

it made you happy hehe so ofc you started to quip back at him

not at the intensity that he and eunbi do but it’s enough for you :)

he walks you back to your apartment after your study session

wow what a gentleman

bin waving bye at your door with the cutest smile: see you in class y/n :)

mayhaps your stomach did a little somersault

anyways

on the day of your exam you were freaking out

you have test anxiety ah ha ha

you woke up at 5 bc you were paranoid about being late to class

you’re like hastily looking over the notes again when you get to class like are you really prepared omg you’re psyching yourself out hella

bin comes in with 2 cups of iced coffee and he’s like woah are you okay

you: i woke up at 5 bin, idk if i can do this omg

you are like visibly in distress rn and he feels like a pang in his chest 

he was gonna mess with you and say like “bet im gonna get a higher grade than you” but he smartly decides against it

instead, he just takes your hand and gives it a little squeeze: y/n, take a deep breath. you’re going to do great, you studied your ass for this and we both know that you got this material down—even eunwoo hyung said you were gonna ace this exam. just trust your instincts, okay? breathe with me.

he was staring at you so intently and genuinely when trying to calm you down

your anxiety yeeted and suddenly you felt shy

you: th...thanks bin...

bin was worried about you while taking the test rip, he kept secretly glancing at you (while also trying not to make it look like he was cheating) just to make sure that you were okay

he walks you to your next class after you both finished your exam

bin: you sure you���re okay? you said you woke up at 5, did you even eat breakfast? let’s get food after your next class.

you were feeling better after the test but like you got so endeared at his fussing

yes you and bin got lunch that day

your exam results were uploaded the next day

you immediately called bin: I GOT A 95

bin: i told you that you would ace it! i got a 90 hehe

you: bin i literally owe you and eunwoo my life, lemme buy you guys food or something

you hear a little bit of bickering over the phone and suddenly you’re talking to eunwoo

eunwoo: i would love some sushi, but since bin can’t eat seafood, why don’t you come watch his swim meet this weekend :)

you: o...h...o-okay yeah i’d love to watch, what time is it? :)

eunwoo: it’s saturday at 10 am

you: okay! i’ll see you there bin

bin already planning on drop kicking eunwoo

cha eunwoo—best wingman™

you basically beg eunbi to go with you to bin’s swim meet

eunbi: i know bin can swim, why do i have to watch him flounder around under water

also eunbi: faster bin! don’t you fucking dare lose!

bin places first this meet

are we shocked? no

okay you mentally prepared yourself for seeing him shirtless, but clearly you didn’t prep enough bc you’re on the cusp of drooling when you’re watching him from the bleachers

and let’s face it, you’re not subtle and eunbi knows everything so she’s literally closing your jaw for you and like messing with you

eunbi: y/n, you’re really sure you like bin? he’s a good guy but c’mon, i think you deserve better

you: since when did i say that i like him ???? and what do you mean ??? i think he checks...all the boxes...for me...

eunbi: maybe it’s bc i’ve known him since when he used to wet his pants so i don’t understand why people are attracted to him, but like...really, you’ve been checking him out since he removed his shirt. even the ref can see that you’re simping over him

you and eunbi meet up with eunwoo and the rest of bin’s friends—that you haven’t met yet but know of

jinjin: oh so you’re the y/n that bin’s been talking about *wink wonk*

baby you’re blushing

even more so when bin comes up to your group

mmm middle parted wet hair, muscle tee and white sweats, towel around his shoulders

he’s so hot ???

you’re all congratulating him blah blah, but like bin keeps glancing at you and all you can do is just smile and like nervous laugh

sanha: y/n! eunbi noona! you should come eat with us to celebrate bin hyung’s win

eunbi glances at you, little smirk on her face: i have plans, but i know y/n’s free! bin you make sure they get home safe after y’alls dinner plans :)

hwang eunbi—best wingwoman™

dinner with the boys was chaotic, you were talking and joking around with them as if you didn’t just meet them today

*you about to get your wallet*

bin, not even able to look at you: it’s okay y/n, i got you this time

cue the boys teasing

astro: kings of making fun of each other

rocky as the group is splitting up: walk y/n home safely hyung :) don’t stay out too late

bin: sorry about them, they’re a bunch of loud idiots...ah haha...

the walk back to your apartment is actually pretty sweet

he didn’t know if you would actually come watch his meet or not but he was excited when he actually saw you

you talk about small random things about yourselves, but it’s not like useless information, you bet that both your subconsciouses are keeping track of whatever y’all are talking about

you give each other a “friendly” hug goodnight...that lasts like a minute or so

and while you’re hugging, bin just can’t help but think that wow you fit so perfectly in his arms

and on the other hand, you’re thinking he feels so warm? so safe? you don’t want to pull away?

but ofc the hug has to end and you’re thanking him for walking you home and he’s like glued to his spot waving goodbye sweetly and waiting for you to go inside so that he knows you’re safely in your apartment before leaving

bin sighing dreamily as he walks back to his and eunwoo’s place

eunwoo waiting on the couch with a glass of water: how was your date ;)

bin: it wasn’t a date, i just walked y/n home

eunwoo: yeah, but you want it to be a date

bin: ...shut up

god why is the pining stage so long

alright everyone knows you and bin like each other

it becomes pretty obvious after the swim meet

you and him fall into this little routine of switching who buys coffee for your 8 am

and then he’d walk you to your next class afterwards

you both still don’t pay attention in stats, sorry

but that means more outside study sessions dates

you come watch his swim meets, whether astro’s there or you’re just watching by yourself

and then you and him get lunch?? early dinner?? right afterwards, it depends on whenever his meet ends

but like??? neither of you have confessed your feelings for each other

even though you both have like a little hint that yeah the feelings are mutual

you and bin are literally like this for 3 months, like damn the semester is almost over

eunbi and eunwoo are tired of your shit, they’re both just like: when the fuck are they getting together? we’re sick of this.

alright so the masterminds literally pay one of eunwoo’s friends from his major to ask you out while you’re studying with bin

let’s do mingyu why not, he was in your korean history class last year

you and bin are in the library, half studying half goofing off per usual

eunwoo, eunbi, and mingyu are at the opposite side of the floor

mingyu: u sure bin won’t clock me for trying to ask out y/n

eunwoo: probably not??

eunbi: just do it please

mingyu giving them both the finger before walking up to your table

“hey y/n...i was wondering if you’d like to get dinner with me...as a date?”

you: o_o huh?

mingyu: i always thought you were cute from when we had class together last year, but i never had the balls to ask you out or anything...you’re not dating anyone, right?

you glance at bin to find that he’s already looking at you with an expression that you don’t really know how to read

you: um...well no I’m not-

bin: actually, we’re dating so y/n can’t go out with you mingyu, sorry.

mingyu’s not even phased, he just gives you a thumbs up and then leaves

you’re confused like literally what is going on—and then you process what bin said and you whip your head to look at him

bin: sorry i said that...i just felt...jealous i guess when mingyu asked you out

you: I wouldn’t have said yes anyway...I sorta like someone else

bin: fuck it, the topic already came up...y/n I’ve liked you for a while now but uh...I don’t know I guess I was scared to tell you because I’m scared of rejection

you just laugh, but not mockingly! more like bin you’re so cute wtf

“bin, why would I reject you when I’ve literally been into you for the past four months?”

it’s safe to say that you and bin officially began dating after that

eunwoo texting in their gc: bin and y/n are finally together

myungjun: fucking finally

bin: how...did u know that eunwoo...?

*eunwoo has left the chat*

alright but bin’s charm?? flirting?? teasing?? sweetness?? up 1000%

bin is touchy y’all, in private his hands are always on you, whether it be sexual or not sexual is up to you

he restrains himself in public ofc, the most he does is put a hand on your waist or hold your hand

eunbi threatens bin early on in your relationship: bin you’re like my brother, but y/n’s one of my dearest friends and if you as much make them cry i will kill you

ofc bin is still eunbi’s punching bag, but when you three are hanging out, he’s dramatic and acts like he’s hurt so he’s like whining to you

sometimes you play along and coo at him like: aww binnie, where does it hurt baby?

other times you’re like: you really think i believe that?? with the size of your biceps??

eunbi: excuse me while i vomit

okay but binnie? bestest sweetest boy

yes he looks all big and intimidating

but he’s soft—especially for you

your nicknames for each other are either “bub” or “baby”

yes will join in making fun of you with the boys, but when you start pouting he’s a goner and will defend you

bin is also a big cuddler, but i mean you’re not complaining hehe

he’s the big spoon, no questions asked

okay but being in bin’s arms is like your favorite place in the world

his frame literally just envelopes you and all you can feel and smell is him and it’s so??? content, you feel at home with him

you feel bad in the morning bc like his arm has to be sore from your weight so you try to like get out of his grasp, but he literally just whines and hugs you tighter

okay but just imagine you and bin napping and his arms are around your waist, his nose is buried in your neck and he wakes up like nuzzling his face in your shoulder like a puppy

im soft

one week you’re staying over at bin’s apartment and then the next week he’s staying over at yours, the cycle goes like that

if you’re one of my ladies with a ~vagíne~, he will buy all your cravings and your tampons/pads, literally anything you want that week, it is yours

doesn’t really get jealous now that you two are official, he knows that you’re his and he’s yours

you two lightly bicker like friends, but you’ve never had a terrible fight before

you were really close to though—or...like you did?? but it was resolved really quick

one of the only problems of bin is that he hates showing weakness and it takes him a whole lot to truly fully 100% be vulnerable with someone even if it’s someone close to him

he pulled a muscle in his arm and it cost him one of his swim meets

he had to go to rehab for like a month and you knew that mentally he’s been off bc of it

you try to ease talking him into telling you about how he’s really feeling but he just kept dodging the subject

one night after one of his rehab sessions, he came back to your place and you’re just like

“hey bubbie, how was rehab? how are you doing?”

and he just snaps at you: stop asking me how I am, y/n, it’s getting really annoying

you’re taken aback, like what the fuck where did that come from?

your eyebrows furrow and you cross your arms bc you are not going to get spoken to like that

“so me worrying about you and wondering how your recovery’s going is annoying? that’s what a partner is supposed to do, moon bin. what’s going on with you?”

bin: you’re being suffocating! it’s the only thing you ask me about nowadays, sometimes I—

oh boy you got mad

you: I ask you because I know you’re not telling me things! I know you’re suffering by yourself and I want to let you know that I’m here for you, I want to help take some of the pain away or at least help you deal with it because I’m your partner! but how can I if you can’t even let me in?? we’re fucking dating moon bin, we’re supposed to go through rough times together. and you call me suffocating...? 

bin’s silent and he’s looking at the floor

you sigh, tears are building in your eyes because you’re frustrated and a bit hurt by what he said, and your voice cracks when you speak again: if i’m suffocating you, then you should leave. text me or something when you can breathe again, I don’t know.

there’s a bit of spite in your words, hidden by the pain

bin sees the tears rolling down your cheeks and that’s when he knows he fucked up

he’s never seen you cry before—besides like from a sad movie or something

so like the fact that he made you cry and hurt you with his words? damn he hates himself rn

he immediately wraps his arms around you, and you like try to push him to get away bc why is he hugging you? didn’t he just say that you were suffocating? why is he confusing

bin: baby, I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have taken out my frustrations on you, you’re not suffocating me I promise...you’re right about everything, I should be sharing things with you and telling you how I’m really feeling...I’m sorry.

you don’t say anything and just like sniffle and he picks you up and brings you to your bedroom and then he just lets it all out

he tells you how rehab is hard and like yeah his muscle pain is going away, but he doesn’t know if he can swim as fast as he used to and that scares him

and he tells you that sometimes he’s thought of giving up swimming since his injury, but then he thinks of you and that’s how he’s still going through with rehab

you’re his motivator and comfort but he doesn’t want to show you his weak side bc he hates that part of himself

and at this point, bin starts tearing up and you’re like stroking his hair to try and comfort him

bin: I’m not good at telling my feelings baby...probably why I didn’t tell you I liked you until 4 months later...but I promise I’ll work harder and at least try and tell them to you.

ugh pain

anyway your communication with serious things got better after that encounter

eunbi finding out that you and bin argued and he made you cry and she literally punched his stomach

you: omg eunbi stop

bin: it’s okay...I sorta deserved that

eunbi: why...are you not swearing at me? shit, bin are you okay?

he nods to the girl and just puts an arm around your shoulder: we talked things through, don’t worry. I’m all good now, but I did deserve that punch because I hurt y/n when I promised you I wouldn’t

bin ends up having a full recovery and bam his first swim meet after he got the clear from the PT, he gets first place again

all the boys and you and eunbi were there supporting him

bin was hella nervous before the meet started, but you gave him a little good luck kiss and was like: I believe in you bub, no matter the result, as long as you give it your all and don’t hurt yourself again, you’ll be the winner to me :)

this was actually when the first “i love you” was said

after your little pep talk in the locker room, bin’s just hugging you and holding you for comfort

and he just went out with it

“I love you y/n”

you blush hella hard bc you were not expecting that

obviously you’ve been feeling it like yeah your feelings for bin have grown into love for a while now

you just bury your face in his chest and hug him tighter

“I love you too binnie, now go get em bub.”

he smiles and kisses you and tells you that he’ll see you after the meet is over

you come back to the crowd where the boys and eunbi are and you just have a huge smile on your face, you’re literally glowing

myungjun: please tell me you guys didn’t fuck before his swim meet

speaking of fucking

okay let’s get down and dirty ladies and gents wink wonk mmm grr bark bark

bin is so sexy y’all like i dont need to tell you that

he’s 100% a tease

you have a little muscle kink hehe

which bin very much uses to his advantage

if bin is wearing a sleeveless shirt, you bet he wants to smash that day

will walk around shirtless after a shower or after a workout just to turn you on and then depending on his mood, he might tease you for like an hour or you’ll just get right to it

he’s very proud of his body and the work he put into it and knowing that you get turned on from one look of it?? gives him an ego boost, he loves it

one time at a party, he wore a crop top (mm hello bad idea bin) and you literally went feral

you dragged him inside the nearest bathroom and just started making out

he’s an ass guy

...all of astro are ass guys, it’s just obvious with how much they slap each other’s asses and poke each other’s assholes

okay you know how he’s touchy right? i mentioned that earlier

he always wants you on his lap

even if there’s a space available, nope your seat is his thighs

ofc when the situation allows, like you’re not gonna sit on his lap in class duh

most of the time in public like if you’re hanging out with the boys or something, it’s innocent

but if he wants to be a tease, he’ll literally just tighten his grip on your hips and grind you down onto his cock

subtle, he won’t straight up thrust into you

just enough to get his dick stirring and make you feel the outline of it through your pants

and then he just stops and hugs your waist again?? wtf

his major’s exercise science right? will ask if he can practice on you for anatomy and physiology, but you know after touching you in a couple places, y’all will just end up fucking

likes to bite and mark

very proud seeing the hickeys he leaves on you

you can bite, but you can’t bruise, idk his upper body is exposed a lot bc swimming so you can’t really leave any marks on him unless it’s the off season

foreplay’s cool, but he prefers the main event, he just wants to be in you

as much as he loves doggy, his fav position is the hook

(it’s when your legs are on his shoulders ohoho and it just lets him fuck you in a deeper angle mmm)

also in the hook, he can choke you

if i have a choking kink, you have a choking kink

okay little tangent, choking is so hot?

like just imagine you and bin are making out, he pushed you against the wall, literally grinding his hips into you, and his hand just comes up and squeezes your throat? that’s so sexy

likes butt stuff oops

i don’t make the rules, he just does

daddy kink, but no power play

will not degrade you (even if you really just want him to call you his dirty slut) bc he really values seeing you as equals

seeing your face when you cum is a must

almost always: you cumming → bin cumming

nothing gets him off more than knowing that he’s making you feel good

after !! care !!

sweetest boy!!

will clean you up with a warm towel after sex

and if you’re one of my ladies, he will always remind you to pee so that you don’t get a UTI

if y’all had a marathon or something, he will draw a bath and carry you to the bathroom and you will bathe together, so soft

always ends sex with an i love you :’)

okay let’s get back to the soft stuff

special thing about swimmer bin: pool dates

sometimes when he’s practicing and it’s just him, he asks you to come to the aquatic center and you two end up splashing around and being cute together

he like knew that you were the one for him some time during senior year

it was the holidays and his parents invited you to spend christmas with their family since your parents were out of the country this break

his parents and sister liked you immediately—which you were so scared about, but bin just knew

you woke up early christmas eve (and bin was out like a rock) so you just went downstairs to brew some coffee or something and you saw that his mom was already starting on making food

naturally, you offered your help and she was like no, you’re a guest y/n, but obviously you started helping

bin comes downstairs like an hour or two later to see you, his mom, and his dad just cooking and listening to christmas music and talking and his heart just like swells??

you: morning binnie :)

his mom: how can you be sleeping when y/n’s here helping us with christmas dinner

his dad: what kind of boyfriend are you, son?

just kidding all jokes

but that’s the moment when he knew

best boyfriend bin ugh

he becomes a legend in the school for swimming

but doesn’t continue after college, he’s all about becoming a physical trainer after graduation

he goes to grad school, while you’re out working in business

bin moves in with you after graduating, it was the obvious next step

you do talk about the future together, but obviously bin’s still in school and you’re both fresh from undergrad so there’s no rush yet to tie the knot

doesn’t stop his or your parents from talking to you two about marriage tho oops

ugh but the domesticity after bin moves in with you? superb

like yeah obviously you both basically lived together anyway when he still roomed with eunwoo just from how much you and him spent at each other’s places

but like your apartment is now both of your place and it’s like your home is finally complete

your apartment becomes the reunion place for the boys and eunbi

at this point everyone knew you and bin were gonna get married eventually

eunwoo and eunbi: we did that ;)

and that’s how you and your college bf!bin live happily ever after uwu

happy birthday binnie moonbob ♥

1-25-21

[cyncity2000]

73 questions tag! tysm @goodlesson , can’t say i’ve ever had anything like this before but hey it’s not like I have anything better to do rn 😅 

answers under the cut! i tag @rene-royale @teenager-confused-tired @sawafilmtoday @onedoesnotsimplystormthebastille if you feel like it, but no pressure bc this is a LOT and took me a couple days to finish lol

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? um. could be worse, could be better?? so 5. 

describe yourself in a hashtag? no. twitter and all its shitty hashtags can go to hell.

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? weird question. nobody?? i wouldn’t want to??

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? not to be all dan smith on main but like...’come to this please’

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? uhhhh idk. i’m very open about most aspects of my personality i’d say

what’s your wake up ritual? stay in bed as long as possible and then YEET at maximum speed so i don’t waste the day

what’s your go to bed ritual? tell myself i should go to bed. pick up my phone instead. regret it in the morning.

what’s your favorite time of day? 2pm or 9-10pm 

your go to for having a good laugh? macdoesit or drawfee videos on youtube. truly the best.

dream country to visit? i wanna go back to england and france, also i’d love to visit literally anywhere i could

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? falling in love with my college roommate probably,, didn’t see THAT coming

heels or flats/sneakers? bitch i’m 5′10″ with size 12.5 feet. converse.

vintage or new? vintage looks cool. i am not cool. so new.

who do you want to write your obituary? idk man i don’t wanna think about that now???

style icon? if you knew me irl you’d know style is not a word in my vocabulary

what are three things you cannot live without? my cat, my friends/gf, and my cd collection 

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? i do not bake or cook, the real world is going to kill me immediately

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i’d be too stressed to make food for people but i’d love to like. go OUT for dinner with...dodie, dallon weekes, and pj liguori. they’re all just cool people i follow and i wanna know what they’re LIKE. 

what’s your biggest fear in life? failure due to lack of confidence, motivation and direction in life :)))

window or aisle seat? i’d say window but i am long boi so aisle is usually nicer unless i trip someone by accident

what’s your current tv obsession? still supernatural, also brooklyn 99

favorite app? tumblr :D

secret talent? despite my crippling procrastination issues i’ve almost always been a straight-A student 🤷‍♀️

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? drove myself two hours to a concert in february, or maybe the time i did a really hard ropes course or went to the badlands?

how would you define yourself in three words? introverted, distracted, nerdy

favorite piece of clothing you own? maybe my waterparks sweatshirt bc i had a dream last night that i donated it and then went back to the store to buy it back lmao so subconsciously i must really like it

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? you gotta have that one pair of black jeans that goes with anything imo

a superpower you would want? flying. it’s the only recurring dream i’ve ever had and it’s my only answer ever

what’s inspiring you in life right now? all the people doing big or little things to help. the ones doing instagram lives or sending money or supplies to people in need or just giving me more faith in humanity

best piece of advice you’ve received? can’t remember any. why doesn’t anyone give me good advice

best advice you’d give your teenage self? do your laundry on time. don’t wear...whatever that was to school. just wash ur fuckin clothes. also don’t let it bother you that you’re single the whole time. you’ll get there.

a book everyone should read? they both die at the end by adam silvera. you WILL cry. but you will love it. 

what would you like to be remembered for? i have no idea. being a non-shitty person at least.

how do you define beauty? happiness.

what do you love most about your body? idk being tall is kinda nice

best way to take a rest/decompress? get a blanket. comfy clothes. my cat. put headphones on. put some music on or watch youtube.

favorite place to view art? on tumblr and instagram! i follow soo many wonderful artists it’s great

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Oh No (What Is She Doing Now?)

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano or guitar. i suck at both and if i could be good at ONE i’d be happy

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? been thinking about this tbh. somewhere on my arm definitely but idk where D:

dolphins or koalas? dolphins!!

what’s your spirit animal? a cat?

best gift you’ve ever received? for christmas my sister bought me a cute lil box meant for displaying concert tickets and it was the most thoughtful thing ever. also the AMAZING studio headphones i’m currently using that my mom got me like three years ago for christmas

best gift you’ve given? probably when i bought me and my best friend tickets to see the Sherlock S4 finale in a movie theater 

what’s your favorite board game? cards against humanity, one night ultimate werewolf/alien, settlers of catan

what’s your favorite color? porpleee 💜

least favorite color? hmm they’re all valid except for like. puke green.

diamond or pearls? neither lol

drugstore makeup or designer? neither ��

blow-dry or air-dry? blow-dry but i never do bc it takes y e a r s

pilates or yoga? yoga!

coffee or tea? both but only hot tea or frozen coffee 

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? thanks to tumblr the word ‘defenestrate’ has entered my vocabulary and I do not regret it

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? either. chocolate is chocolate 🍫

stairs or elevators? tbh stairs, i’m just a lazy bitch

summer or winter? winter. cold > hot

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? i’d still get tired of it :( i need that variety!!

a dessert you don’t like? none. dessert is dessert and it is all valid if i can eat it

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing, working from home, playing the guitar

best thing to happen to you today? currently watching mike gross play old brobecks tunes :’) he also just saw my comment yay

worst thing to happen to you today? i had cheesecake for lunch. sounds good but it’s the only thing i’ve had today besides a piece of chocolate and my body is Not Happy

best compliment you’ve ever received? someone on fanfiction dot net once left me a comment saying they’d almost cried at my story and called me “a true writer” and it’s honestly one of the only thing that keeps me writing...i’m still mad they weren’t signed in so I’ll never be able to thank them for it.

favorite smell? lemon, cookies, fresh-cut grass

hugs or kisses? hugs!!

if you made a documentary, would it be about? somethin gay probably

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? honestly...probably “who the fuck is keith” fjadskljfd

lipstick or lipgloss? like peyton said chapstick is the only valid answer

sweet or savory? depends how i’m feelin, love both

girl crush? besides the obvious one (my girlfriend), honestly not many? there’s this one girl i follow on insta who’s big in the panic! fandom and jESUS SHE’S SO PRETTY. also the girl who plays kaia in supernatural is CUUUTE

how do you know you’re in love? has only happened to me once but for me...i already loved her platonically for months and then suddenly one day i was like oh. why am i getting the urge to kiss you rn. oh no.

a song you can listen to on repeat? anything by idkhow or bastille. never gets old.

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? not to copy peyton but i would love to know what goes on inside my cat’s head

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? next semester of college!! i got into a super-competitive dorm and i’m gonna have my own room and live with nine other people and gahh i’m just so excited to be chaotic with all my friends again and meet new people :’)

[deluxedolans]

Numbers 93,53, and 149 pleaseeeeee

hi, baby! thank you so much for wanting to see my takes on these prompts💙 I love you and hope you’re having a good weekend!! also sorry this ended up being really long!

A/N: I know absolutely nothing about Fortnite other than Victory Royales, so sorry for any inaccuracies hehe.

I am not currently taking requests for any of the drabble prompts. 💙

Prompts: #93. “You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’”, #53. “That wasn’t very subtle.” & #149. “I just need ten minutes.”

The sun beamed down on your bikini clad body, as you reclined back in your lounge chair, the cool ocean breeze running through your hair. One hand dangled over the side of the chair, your fingers grazing the sand, while the other held a refreshing piña colada. You threw your head back in bliss, your cheeks facing upwards to soak in the heat of the sun. Suddenly, your hand that hung over the side of the chair was embraced by a larger one. You looked down to see Ethan’s hand enveloping your own, rubbing it back and forth as his lips were saying words that you couldn’t understand.

“What?” You asked him, asking him to clarify his words, or speak up so you could hear him. 

In response to  your expression,  he then began to tap your hand in urgency. “Babe, what are you saying?”

“Y/N, wake up! Wake up!” Wake up? You thought you were already awake. Then you felt two pairs of fingers begin to poke into your side …

“Babe, wake up! I have to show you something!” Ethan’s voice rang out throughout the bedroom, his excitement evident.

“Hmmm? I just need ten minutes.” You still weren’t fully awake yet, and to be honest, you didn’t really want to be. From behind your eyelids you could tell it was still dark out and definitely way too early to be woken up.

“Babe, babe, can I just show you something for one second, open your eyes, please!” Ethan shook you gently, and grabbed at your hands, encouraging you to sit up in bed.

“I swear to God if it’s your dick, Ethan, I’m gonna deck you,” you warned, your voice thick with sleep.

“I’m not naked, but if I were, would that be so bad?” Ethan inquired. “I can take you any place, anywhere, anytime–.”

“The time is not now, Ethan!” Since you had yet to make any movements, Ethan scooped you up in his arms. Your eyes popped open at his actions, annoyed at his persistence.

“Look, baby, I got a victory royale again! I played in advanced mode too, so all the guys I placed against were amazing. It was touch and go for awhile but–.”

“So you didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood?” you interrupted, pushing your hair back from your face.

The big grin on Ethan’s face brought warmth to your heart at his happiness, but also disappointment  at the realization that his desperation to wake you up wasn’t because he wanted to fuck you.

“No! See! I won, babe, I won–.” You smiled softly at him, settling back into the pillows. “I’m very happy for you, babe,” you said as you rubbed your eyes, glancing at the TV screen at the front of the room decorated in bright colors indicating Ethan’s victory.

“You gonna come to bed now?” You asked, raising a brow, and patting the space beside you.

Ethan shook his head, reaching back for the controller that was left on his gaming chair, “Nah, I’m probably gonna play for a bit more. I’m sorry for waking you, babe, I just got excited.” Ethan’s smile displayed all of his teeth, his enthusiasm for his PlayStation clear in his facial expression.

“After all that, you’re not coming to bed?” You were incredulous; Ethan literally woke you up in the middle of the night to tell you about him winning a round of Fortnite, (which was not surprising in the slightest), but the fact that he woke you up and wouldn’t come cuddle was a little annoying.

“Nope, I’m gonna play a few more rounds. You can go back to bed, though, baby.” You ran a hand over your face at Ethan’s words; you were wide awake now. You always had a hard time sleeping when Ethan wasn’t right there next to you; when you had laid in bed hours earlier, your head was settled on Ethan’s bare chest, and his arm was wrapped around you tightly, but now the space next to you felt cold and lonely, the need for your boyfriend growing stronger with each passing moment.

You sighed softly, trying to cuddle down under the covers. You slid open your phone, and noticed you’d received a few texts while you were asleep. One was from your mom saying good night and that she missed you, the other was from your best friend, Annie, responding to a meme you had sent, and the other was from an unknown number. Curious, you clicked the contents of the text to see what this mystery person had said:

Unknown (11:32 PM):

Hey Y/N, it’s Mike. I’m drybk rn, and just wanted to say I miss u

You internally rolled your eyes. Mike was a guy from your Intro to World History class that you had to do a year long project with last semester. Mike was very nice at the beginning of the year; always offering for you two to work on the project at his place, and buying supplies for the assignment. However, whenever you and Mike would go to the house you shared with the twins to work on your project, you could feel Ethan attempting to contain his possessiveness from a mile away; constantly interrupting the conversations you two would have regarding any class notes, his eyes narrowing whenever you’d laugh at a joke Mike would make, and continuously walking by you two in the living room, making sure that nothing suspicious was occurring.

In spite of the fact that Ethan trusted you, he always had gotten bad vibes off of Mike; Ethan claimed that he could just tell that Mike had a crush on you. However, you were fully, and completely in love with Ethan and you were deeply convinced that Mike didn’t see you that way; all things that you reiterated to Ethan time and time again, but still, his concerns surrounding your history project partner persisted.

You scrolled on to the next message,

Unknown (11:35PM):

I miss when we’d order pizza and hang out

Hang out? You guys were working on your history project …  you weren’t “hanging out”.

Unknown (11:36PM):

Are u ignoring mw????

Unknown (11:40PM):

Answer me

Your eyes widened at his urgency; maybe Ethan was right about Mike having a crush on you.

“Babe?” You called out, attempting to drag his attention away from the flashing television screen. Ethan ignored you; too engrossed in his game to hear what you were saying.

“Babe, I have to show you something.” You cringed internally, your current words sounding so familiar to what he said only thirty minutes ago.

“Hang on a sec, babe, I’ll be there in a minute,” Ethan murmured, his fingers punching into the controller furiously as he attempted to shoot down the enemy.

Unknown (12:00AM):

I jsut wanna see ur beautiful fsce and then I’ll be good

The messages went on and on all the way up until one ‘o clock when they stopped.

“Babe, I really need to show you something,” you urged, your eyes practically bugging out of your head as you saw the texts escalate.

“Just let me finish this round, and I promise then I’ll snuggle with you, baby.”

You sighed. Then, your phone began to ring, of course, the number popping up unknown. At first, you thought of ignoring it; clearly you had zero interest in Mike. However, maybe this phone call would finally snap Ethan out of his gaming trance.  

“Hello?”

“Y/N? I’m so glad you answered! I misssss you so much. I need to talk to you,” Mike slurred, his voice loud as he attempted to make his voice heard among the wild background noise.

“Listen, you’re drunk, please stop texting me–..”

Upon hearing your command, Mike’s voice immediately dropped several octaves, “No, you listen to me. Eddie is no good for you, I can be so much better for you.”

“His name is Ethan, you jackass, and I don’t like you that way, please stop contacting me,” you pleaded, your voice raising as you yourself became frustrated. He knew you were in a relationship, and still he was being an asshole.

Ethan’s head turned back quickly when he heard his name, and he paused the game as soon as he saw you were on the phone. He took his headset off, now giving you his full attention.

“Who are you talking to?” Ethan mouthed, his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

You put your phone to your shoulder, blocking the speaker from your mouth, “Just guess.” You responded, hitting a button so the call was on speakerphone.

“He treats you like shit, I bet he can’t even fuck you right with his chode dick. You deserve so much better than him, Y/N, and I can give you that. Come over here and I’ll make you scream just by looking at me–.”

Ethan’s eyes turned dark as soon as he heard Mike’s drunken voice come through the speakers. “You have got to be kidding me right now. I fuckin’ knew it!”

Ethan took the phone out of your hands, his hands shaking with rage, “The only way she’s gonna be screamin’ is when she’s running away from your ugly ass. Don’t you dare call her again. In fact, don’t call my girl, don’t look at my girl, don’t even breathe near my girl. There’s a reason she’s with me and not with you, asshole. I knew you were a fucking prick from the moment I met you–.”

“Y/N, call me when you’re ready for a real man.”

“You motherfucker, you call me when you’re ready to handle this like a real man. Fuck you, you motherfucker, take a hint, she doesn’t want you. We have more fun together in one second than you��ll ever have in your miserable life. If I ever see you even inhale in her direction, I’ll wreck you. Leave her the fuck alone.” And with that, Ethan hung up the phone, his chest heaving, and his free hand balled in a fist.

Ethan’s mouth open and shut several times in both anger and shock.

“I told you so.” Ethan whispered, his eyes narrowed in anger. “Have I mentioned I hate that guy?” EThan growled, pacing around them room.

“Well, no shit. That wasn’t very subtle,” you said flatly, walking after Ethan.

You sighed, “baby, I’m sorry I–.”

Ethan whipped around suddenly, grabbing your hips and pulling you in so your foreheads were touching. “No, you tried to tell me; don’t you dare apologize to me. I’ll be spending the rest of this night making it up to you, and I don’t care if it’s three AM.” Ethan smirked, picking you up by the back of your thighs and walking you back to bed.

[holycalum]

vice (c.h.) part 3!!

summary- (y/n) has another #breakdown but like ACTUALLY this time she goes home just read it 

part 1 part 2 part 4

word count- 3.6k+

a/n- im terrible at summaries i figure if ur reading this far you don’t care you just wanna know what happens ya dig? also i appreciate all the love and support for this fic so much?? because i really thought this would flop but im so happy people are enjoying it. vice is literally my baby rn and i’ve put a lot of effort into it, and to see it pay off is grand ok goodbye. “fuck yeah,” i slurred, holding up my red cup in triumph. “midterms are hashtag over.” i slumped into britt, and she groaned, trying to push me off of her.  

“you’re too drunk,” she yelled over the thumping music. “your flights early tomorrow.”

“don’t care,” i smiled, dancing again. but britt’s word cut through my drunk thoughts moments later, and traveled straight to the gut. i might as well have doubled over because of the sinking feeling in my stomach. i had to go home the next day, and i didn’t want to in the slightest. the remix playing was drowned out as i stopped dancing abruptly, and got stuck in my head. the dark cloud that was rarely over my head anymore came crashing back, and i didn’t have calum to distract me. i had pushed the idea of me leaving college a semester early to kick start my life the back of my head, letting myself get lost in my studies for once, and calum. the second one was really the kicker. i pushed my way through the crowd, suddenly feeling very queasy. i stumbled throughout the unfamiliar house. miraculously i found a bathroom, and practically threw myself into it. i locked the door behind me, and fell to the floor. the cool tile soothed my burning skin, and i felt like i was human again. i crawled over the the toilet, head spinning. 

as i gripped the disgusting bowl and willed myself to throw up, i couldn’t help but let a few tears fall. but that was only the calm before the storm, because soon enough the dark cloud above my head stormed onto me. i cried so hard i gagged, and couldn’t catch my breath. my heart felt shriveled up and small and dead.

i had never been the drunk girl to have a complete meltdown, but i couldn’t stop the emotions from shooting out of every pore in my body. i felt like i was one big sad blob, and i physically couldn’t stop myself from getting drenched in the waters from my dark cloud. 

my crisis was interrupted by a knock at the door, i prayed it was a nice drunk girl that would braid my hair and tell me i’m pretty so i’d stop crying. but when i unlocked the door, calum’s eyes met mine and i cried even harder. i leaned against the cabinets, face in my hands, not wanting calum to see me at all, i wanted to disappear. 

it was funny, in the moments i wanted to be alone with my thoughts the most, calum always seemed to show up. 

“no, no, no,” calum’s words came out frantic, as he kneeled down in front of me and pulled my hands away from my face. the look of panic on his face sent my head spinning. 

“what’s wrong, pretty girl?” his nickname pulled at my heart strings and only made the knot in my stomach grown tighter. 

i couldn’t catch my breath enough to get any words out, so i sat there blubbering like a toddler, looking down, only for calum to tilt my head back up. 

“hey,” he cooed, shutting and locking the bathroom door once again, this time not leaving me alone. he sat against the door, and pulled me to his lap. “let’s just calm down and then we can talk, ok?” he said softly into my hair. i nodded against his leather jacket, trying to take deep breaths. even though i hated being so broken in front of calum, i couldn’t help but cling onto him like my life depended on it. the contact between us grounded me. 

every once in a while a sob would break through my breathing, causing calum to tense up and hold me tighter for a second, before going back to rubbing slow circles on my back. 

once i brought myself back down to earth, i pulled away from his chest, the world around me tilted in all directions. “i don’t wanna go home,” i cried, my words making tears well back up in my eyes. calum’s face was full of guilt as he stared into my bloodshot eyes.

“hey,” he shushed me, wiping under my eyes. he’d need a whole box of tissues to dry my cheeks, “it’s ok, just go slow.” 

“i wanna fall in love, cal.” i admitted, not being able to control the thoughts involuntarily pouring out of my mouth. “i want it all-but i cant have it. they took it from me. i don’t wanna go back.” a lump in my throat sprouted from deep within me, threatening to send me into another crying fit. 

i could see his eyes go glassy, “no,” i begged, “don’t cry.”

“m’ sorry,” he chuckled weakly, reaching up to wipe his own eyes. “going soft, sorry, continue.” another sob wracked through my chest at his state. i leaned my forehead against his chest, letting another cry out. 

“i’m hurting everyone around me,” i said sadly, “i don’t wanna hurt you anymore.” it became crystal clear that everyone was only calum. 

“but it’s so worth it, doll.” he whispered sweetly, smoothing the hairs around my ear. “you’re my sunshine, at the same time. what a contradiction you’ve proven to be.” it almost didn’t make sense. 

i settled against his chest, finally feeling a bit calmer. “an’ i know you’re really drunk right now, so i doubt you’ll remember most of this,” he starts, breath ghosting over my neck. “but, i accidentally let you in and i can feel myself falling for you. and it sucks because you’ll never be mine, fully at least, and you’re one of the only people i’ve let in so close to my heart.”

“stop,” i pleaded, “i don’t wanna know,”

“it’s not a bad thing, pretty girl.” he reassured me, “teaching me that it might be worth it, to let someone in, to enjoy someone’s company beyond sex.”

“i wish it didn’t have to be like this.” i mumbled, feeling very tired. 

“let’s get you home,”

i woke up the next day, to my blaring alarm clock. my head pounded as i flailed my hand around to turn off the terrible noise. it was the day of my flight and i couldn’t have felt any worse. eyes almost glued shut because of how puffy they were, traveled to see i was in the same clothes i was wearing the night prior. i felt like i’d been kicked in the face. clearly i had cried the night before. oh, the night before. 

i remembered almost everything, the crying, calum, more crying. it only made my headache worse. i showered to try and make myself feel less gross, but it only washed away the physical layer of grime. the emotional dirtiness would stay forever. 

i shrugged calum’s shirt over my head, it was dark blue, with maine written in bold white letters. it was probably my favorite shirt on him, so he insisted i have it. it was probably a bad idea to be reminded of calum while i went home, but it made me feel happy, and i could’ve used some light in my life. i pulled on a beanie and my long winter jacket, before grabbing my bags and heading towards the door. my roommates were still passed out from the night before, pillows over both of their heads. 

“bye, guys.” i muttered, before swinging the door open. “jesus, calum.” i breathed, clutching my chest, my heart almost stopping at the sight of him. 

“hey, sunshine.” he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. the nickname launched me into the events of the night before and i willed myself not to break. 

“hi,” i breathed, biting the inside of my lip. “thank you, for last night.” 

“anytime,” he replied, “nice shirt.” this time his eyes sparkled a bit, before his face fell. 

“what’s up?” i questioned, not understanding why he was standing outside my dorm at almost eight in the morning. 

“i wanted to say bye to you before you left,” he rocked back and forth on his heels, hands shoved in his pockets. he looked small, and tucked into himself, “feels like i’m losing you.” he mumbled the last part, almost low enough for me to miss it completely.

“please don’t say that,” i shut my eyes, forcing the tears to stay inside of me. he shrugged weakly. 

“i guess this is goodbye,” he smiled at me, brown eyes shining. my stomach sank and i reached towards him and engulfed him in the biggest hug i could muster. i wanted to keep him with me forever. 

“promise me you’ll see me when i get back,” i begged him, clutching onto him for dear life. his tight grasp around my waist indicated he was doing the same.  

“i promise,” his words were muffled by my shoulders, where his perfect face was squished. he pulled away, painfully, almost making me whine at the loss of contact. “goodbye, (y/n).”

“bye, calum.” i breathed, standing on my toes to press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “i’ll see you when i get back-when i get home.” it was honest, being with calum felt more like a home than my own childhood house did. 

“i’ll see you then,” he gulped, and he watched me walk away. the entire trip back to my hometown, i spent on the verge of tears and a nervous breakdown.

[11:34 am] me: i can’t do this 

[11:35 am] calum: cant do what sunshine?

[11:35 am] me: my plane just landed. 

[11:36 am] calum: you can get thru this pretty girl

[11:36 am] me: you have way too much faith in me

[11:38 am] calum: (:

calum’s lightheartedness made me feel a bit better as i gathered my luggage painfully quick. near the baggage claim, my parents were waiting eagerly for me.  

“(y/n)!” my mom exclaimed, in a much different tone than she’d had the last time we spoke. it almost made me throw up at how sweet she was acting when the last time she made an effort to talk to me was to try and get me to drop out of school. 

“hey guys,” i plastered on a fake smile, bringing both of my parents in for a hug. “how are you?”

“wonderful, now that you’re back!” my dad said, rubbing my shoulder. “how about we head back to the house and have some lunch, i’m sure you’re starving.”

“i am!” i lied, i wasn’t. not in the slightest, my stomach was twisted and the idea of food made me want to yakk on the spot. my appetite had disappeared the second i turned around to see calum’s pained expression as i walked away. the drive home was tense, calling for awkward small talk and bad jokes. 

when we walked in the front door, i was greeted by a very happy david. my mouth fell open as i was halfway through kicking off my shoes. i felt like my body had been frozen solid. 

“i thought you didn’t get back for another day,” i deadpanned, not being able to hide my emotions. the whole trip was already emotionally heavy, and seeing david so soon only added another layer overbearing feelings. 

“i wanted to surprise you!” david pulled me in for a lingering hug, he was too keen on surprises for my liking. i hugged him back, and our bodies didn’t mold together like calum and i’s did. i felt no fire, i felt no excitement, i felt nothing except for a heavy emptiness settling in my chest. 

my little sister, maya, bounded down the entryway. “(y/n)!” she yelled, and i ripped myself away from david to embrace her. 

“hey, lil’ one.” i said, smiling for real. i pulled away, looking at her. “not so little anymore,” she was taller than i was now, towering over me by a few inches. 

“how’s junior year?”

“rough,” she rolled her eyes, “how’s college.”

“great.” i smiled widely, catching david’s eye, “i love it, you know that.” it was the in small victories. 

“stressful, though!” david cut in,

“a good kind of stress,” i snapped back, turning my eyes back to maya slowly, boxing david out of the conversation. “i’ve met a lot of great people.”

“who’s shirt is that?” she asked suddenly, gripping the dark blue fabric. her eyebrows furrowed together at the sight of the unfamiliar shirt. 

“just a friend’s,” i smiled, my mouth doing dry. maya wiggled her eyebrows at me, and i hit her arm. i wasn’t really lying, calum and i weren’t together, so that left us as friends, although friends weren’t necessarily supposed to act like we did. 

the air that hung around us was dense and suffocating, so i saw myself to the kitchen, where an array of food was laid out in front of my parents, and david’s.  

“hey honey,” david’s mom smiled at me, pulling me in for a hung. she kept an arm wound around my waist as david’s dad caught my attention. 

“how ya’ feelin, kid?” he asked, grinning widely. 

i gave him a gentle smile back, “i’m great,” i breathed, trying to grip onto the last of my sanity that would make my statement at least a little true. we spent the eve of christmas eve making small conversation, settling into the way things had always been, and will always be. 

i ended up sprawled out on my little sisters bed, late that night, face down. everyone had left, and i could finally feel my shoulders relax. 

“so...” maya sat next to me, causing me to roll onto my side. “you seeing anyone?” she mused, poking my shoulder. 

i sighed, “you know i shouldn’t.” i put simply, trying the avoid the thought and conversation. 

“when has that stopped you?” she challenged, “i know you don’t really love david,” she added quietly, looking at me with caring eyes. 

“even if i was...” i started, “it can’t be a good idea, it’ll only hurt more people in the end.”

maya frowned, “you deserve to be happy, (y/n).”

“i know,” i pulled my lips into a straight line, “i can make it work, i still have you.”

“you won’t be fully happy,” she fretted, her tone more upset than it was before. 

“maybe no ones ever fully happy,” i shrugged, “maybe i’ll just be a little less happy, i’ll survive.”

maya chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment, “do you think they’ll make me marry someone i don’t like too?” i sat up, and tucked a piece of her hair behind her hair. she seemed like a little girl again, and it broke my heart. 

“you were always more stubborn than i was,” i whispered, smoothing her hair down, “they can’t hold you down, lil’ one.” she smiled, “goodnight, maya.” the topic became too much to stomach. 

“night, (y/n).” i made my way out of maya’s room, padding down to my old bedroom. it was almost exactly the same, just a bit staler, from the lack of movement. the bed was freshly made, and i climbed into it, feeling drained from the day.

i woke up christmas eve morning, and fell into the bustling nature of the day ahead. i was helping cook and clean and prepare for everyone to come over. that night we’d have cousins and david’s family and david’s cousins over, and we’d all have one big painful night. 

when i was younger, christmas eve couldn’t come quick enough, and maya and i would spend the whole day waiting for the evening. but, as an adult, the festivities proved to be more annoying than joyful and the night rolled around too quick. my late afternoon nap was interrupted by my mother shaking me awake, informing me of the arrival of our relatives. 

i sleepily greeted everyone as they got to the house, stopping for a long conversation with my grandfather. i had never been more grateful for his ability to digress into the longest conversations ever, when i saw david and his family walk through the door. i focused on my grandfather, listening to whatever he was speaking about.

“that’s really interesting,” i said, “tell me more.” i practically begged, and my grandpa almost passed out at the excitement of someone wanting to listen to him. 

“hey, (y/n).” david piped up, his blonde hair was littered with snow flakes from being outside. 

“one second, david. my grandpas just telling me a story-“ i was cut off,

“that’s fine, sweetheart.” my grandpa said, his smile fading a bit. “go on.” i gave him a sad grin, and hugged him briefly before david pulled me towards the living room. 

“i was having a conversation,” i crossed my arms in front of david, pushing him out. 

he rolled his eyes, “i know you hate those conversations,” 

“that one was really immersing me!” i shot back, stomping my foot. he gripped my forearm, pulling me closer, “don’t throw a fit,” he grumbled, running a hand through his hair. 

“whatever,” i brushed it off, knowing i wouldn’t get my way. “what’s up?” “i just wanted to talk to you,” he answered, “i hadn’t seen you since i visited you and we hardly spoke yesterday.”

“m’ just tired,” i rubbed my eyes for effect, 

“we’ve barely spoken on the phone either,” he sneered, his face almost as flushed as his pink shirt. 

“two way street, david.” i said, my face straight and unmoving. 

“you know i love you, (y/n).” david sighed, reaching out for my hand. it was cold and uninviting, unlike calum’s warm embrace. “i just get busy, and distracted. i could use something to pull me out of it.”

“i get busy too,” i stated, my hand stiff in his, and i wondered if this was his idea of love. 

“with that major...” he muttered under his breath, and i almost didn’t hear him. “i just want us to be on good terms.”

“we are.” as good as we could get, it wasn’t saying much, but it was something. he smiled. 

“good.” and then i walked away, excusing myself to the restroom. i stood in front of the mirror, hands gripping the sink so hard my knuckles went white. i let myself breath for a second, feeling i’d lose control if i didn’t. i pulled my phone out quickly, typing a text to calum. 

[7:27 pm] me: merry christmas eve

[7:30 pm] calum: merry christmas to you, pretty girl

[7:30 pm] calum: how are you?

[7:31 pm] me: surviving 

“(y/n)?” a knock cut through my trance and i jumped, going to open the door. 

“hi,” i caught my breath, looking at my mom. 

“dinners ready,” she stated, “you alright?”

“yes.” i nodded, following her to the dining room. david took a seat next to me, uncomfortably gripping my thigh throughout the night. his touch wasn’t reassuring or nice, it was repulsive and empty. 

after dinner, we all sat in the living room, gathered around the tree, giving our cousins gifts and opening them early. it was a family tradition to open gifts from extended family christmas eve, and david’s family had intertwined with ours, making it like a huge pre-christmas. once all the little cousins finished opening toys and sharing with one another we all started to fall into our own conversations. 

“i actually have one more gift,” david’s voice bellowed, it was loud and dripping with confidence. 

oh no. 

“it’s for (y/n),” he said, shifting his weight to one of his knees. 

oh no. 

“(y/n),” he started, grabbing both of my hands and the attention of everyone around us. i felt maya’s eyes shoot to mine, wide and worried. i felt sick to my stomach, “i love you, you know that.” my whole body was lit aflame and not in any desirable way, i felt too hot and crowded and my tongue felt like heavy sandpaper in my mouth. 

i couldn’t do anything but sit there, mouth hung open, heart pumping wildly. i watched his mouth move but i didn’t hear any noise come out, my ears rung loudly.

“will you marry me?” i didn’t answer, i couldn’t answer. 

“of course she will!” my mother shrilled loudly, clutching her chest. 

my eyes were dull with loss, the sharp edges of my memories with calum slicing at my heart as he slid the ring on my finger. i felt like i didn’t have myself anymore, or even know who i was. i didn’t know. i didn’t care. 

david pulled me in for a hug, as our family clapped loudly around us. it was all real and i couldn’t stop it. 

i looked calm, up until i finally shut my bedroom door behind me. all at once my tears flowed out, the dark cloud above my head had once again stormed on me, leaving me soaked to the core. i dragged myself to my bed, not bothering to change out of the clothes i’d wore that night. i felt hopeless as sobs ran through my body, shaking every part of me. my room was miserable and cold, and the only sound piercing the silence was my occasional cries i couldn’t keep quiet. 

i cried for me, i cried for my future kids, i cried for calum.

calum

. i wanted to tell him, i wanted to hear his voice and i wanted him to tell me it was going to be ok, but it wasn’t and not even he could change that. but i longed to feel him, and the brightness he elicited by only giving me a look. my heart ached as i fell asleep, my future dragging me closer and closer.

a/n: ok drama lmk what ya think even if its me being stupid and spelling something wrong but feedback is appreciated! thank u for reading!! part 4 should be up tomorrow or in the next couple of days. ALSO im gonna fosho gonna write more after this is done so if you have an requests pls message me i would love 2 write what yall want ok goodbye love u 

tags: (lmk if u wanna be added for part 4/any other shit i write) @rexorangecouny

[matronaa]

Jungkook “fuckboy?” drabble

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 1,637

Genre: Fluff/mentions of smut?

Okay look its about 1 in the morning while im writing this and i just got done literally scrolling thru @jungshookz  e n t i r e page and honestly ive been delusionally laughing over her stories for like an hour and a half like the tattooartist!jungkook fic legit killed me i love it  and i’m probably going to force my friend to check her out because legit i love it so much and she seems like such a funny person and if she sees this 1) ily and ur writing and i wanna be friends but idk how to start a conversation because im a awKwARd bEan and 2) im sorry for probably spamming ur notifications with likes okay i couldnt help it so now im inspired for the first time in a while to write but im way to loopy to put together an actual fic so enjoy this ig

Okay i should stop rambling (okay just note that im so sleep deprived that i had to google ‘words for excessive talking’ to remember the word rambling because im an idiot and i cant think and ooo its 1:11 am rn make a wish b*tches)

Okay im sorry ill begin~

A/n all of this is completely unedited and if bad grammar annoys you srry not srry

Lets talk about what fuckboy!jungkook is oki

I feel like in reality there are just a bunch of rumors about him but hes so smol and hes the quiet type so he doesnt have the energy to dismiss them

Like im sorry soft jungkook is way to good in my mind rn okay #cuddles4days im not in the mood for him to strangle me with his amazing biceps

Anyway

you never rlly met him in the 4 years of going to the same highschool as him (since you’re in those smart people classes like humanities) until senior year

You and him had the same AP Lit. class lmao english class is  l i t

Which surprised you bc of the rumors like i thought he was a badboy ?? arent those normally idiots ??

Nah my bby is a smart nugget, he just likes to look hella bf 25/8

First day of school cliche where you show up late to class and have to sit next to him because i  d i e  for those plots okay

But you dont know thats him because you’ve never seen him, so you’re confused on why most of the girls keep glaring at you

But soon enough you catch on and you’re like fml

And then the professor is like “where you are sitting is your assigned seating for the rest of the year” and you’re like f m L

He ends up introducing himself to you because i mean like table buddies

But hes really nervous because hes a cute little bean and you’re hella cute cuz lets be honest ur probably wearing like basic black leggings and a hoodie with your hood over your head to hide the bed hair you didnt feel like brushing that morning

Oh, just me? Okay…

He likes ur name because it rolls off the tongue and he thinks it suits you even tho he doesnt know you

Yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You dont really think hes a fuckboy because he seems so nice and he has the cutest lil bunny smile sEE

That is until after school u end up getting to ur locker late because u left something in one of your classes

And u see him pinning a girl against the lockers down the hall

And ur like well shit nvm

And u quickly get ur shit and go because das  a w k w a r d

But then he sees u run off and hes like awh crap i dun fucked up

A few weeks go by and u notice he barely really comes to class so u usually sit alone

On days he does come his chair seems extra close to yours and he’s basically smothering you

But u dont mind because he smells nice

And on the days he does come you get kinda excited because

1) you get a partner who doesnt expect you to do all of the work

2) this boy cute when he gets all intelligent

Ur  like “yes pls continue speaking about the essay we are writing that i have no idea is on because i kept getting lost in the sound of ur voice”

He notices when u zone out because you start staring at his lips when hes talking and he thinks its the cutest thing

One day u get assigned a week long project and ur close enough friends with jungkook to basically scold and force him to come to class all week

But only if he can force u to come to his house to work on it after school

Which you’re low key nervous of because ur going to a ‘fuckboy’s house’ by yourself

And u dont wanna do the dirty because ur a pure child haha not for long

But you agree anyway

And honestly even after the project is done (which you got an A on) you continue going over to his house because his bed is comfortable and he always has snacks

And his mom loves you

Like legit on days you dont go the next day you do she’s like “wheRE WERE YOU”

When the semester is over the professor lets you pick seats but you both enjoy each other’s company so you stay seated together.

finally ur at his house one day and ur just laying on his bed scrolling thru insta and he’s sitting on his bean bag in the corner on his phone and u look up at him and realise

Shit

You like him

Like a lot

And u mentally face palm because this was not supposed to happen

But it happened and you’re too far down the hole to climb out

Sometimes u end up napping at his house after school because his bed is more comfortable than yours and one friday night u wake up in his arms

And its like the best feeling ever

Its so warm and hes so cuddly hes like latched onto you

You stay under the warm blankets before you question when he even got in bed since he was playing video games before you fell asleep

And then his phone lights up and ofc you check it for him bc ur a nosey bitch

But not before you observed how adorable he was while he was sleeping

Nope not creepy at all

its his friend tae texting him (you didn’t really know his friends since you had different friend groups)

You check it and its smth like “stop staring at y/n while shes sleeping and reply u creep”

And you’re like w a t

So you scroll up and see that while u were sleeping jungkook went on a full rant on how cute u are and how whipped he is

And ur like holy fadoodles dis boy likes me

And so u decided to text tae like “this is y/n, does he actually like me”

Which turns into you both having a convo on how thirsty jungkook is until he wakes up

Hes like wtf r u doing and he snatches the phone and reads through your messages with tae while u like sit up to stare at him

And he’s still half asleep so it takes him to realise whats going on

“Omfg y/n i can explain-”

He starts rambling about how long he had been crushing on u and that he didn’t want to tell you because you seemed uninterested so he kept it a secret and never told anyone

And honestly he was freaking out because the onE tiMe he tells anyone that he likes you, you find out

But while he’s rambling you’re coming up with an excuse to text your mom that you’re spending the night at his house, so you just say he’s not feeling well and his parents are gone for the weekend.

Lmao she doesnt care she’s just like “lmao ik ur lying but have fun dont get pregnant”

Or Maybe thats just my mom idk

You have to shut him up by snatching his phone out of his hands and kissing him

When you pull away you’re just like “you talk too much lmao”

You explain to him that you like him too and u just get under the covers again and snuggle up next to him, and he wraps his arms around you

And you stay like that for a while before hes like “its late you should get home”

And you tell him you’re staying the night whether he likes it or not

And he is so down for that

But then you end up just spending the weekend there because why not his parents love you

And every night is just filled with cuddling, watching netflix, making out, late night snacks, etc.

Saturday night he gets a lil touchy and soon enough ur like straddling him and grinding your hips against his

But then he’s like “Ive never done this before” and you c o m b u s t

Ur like aren’t you like the school fuckboy how have you not done this

And he tells you its all just rumors and hes too lazy to set the record straight

And you basically decide to take things slow that night since it was you’re first time too and honestly it was so cute

It wasn’t really steamy rough sex it was more soft fluffy love making that is filled with giggling and exploring and appreciating each other

That was definitely the night you fell in love with him

Which is big because you thought love was gross

The next day you’re cuddling and he’s like “you know ur my gf now”

And ur like duh

You start going on cute dates after that like going to cafes or amusement parks

He loved taking you to the beach during the summer because u looked gr8 in a bikini

You found out you were going to the same college with was fantastic, so you decided to rent an apartment together nearby the campus instead of living in a dorm.

Which normally you’d be against because moving in together so quickly ?? but you felt different like this relationship was going to last

UNTIL HE CHEATED

Lmao jk gotcha bitch

My baby is too pure and innocent to cheat

Well innocent until you both get into bed and then oh lord it gets steamy

He wants to experiment with like e v e r y t h i n g and honestly you were down

But ofc you set some boundaries.

There were lines he couldn’t cross

I mean sometimes he tried but you shut that down real quick

Overall your relationship was perfect and you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend

I mean he brought you pizza rolls and dr pepper to ‘study dates’ how could you not love him.

Oml it took me over an hour to write this its like 2:30 am why am i awake anyway imma go to bed now, idk ur name jungshookz but pls write more fanfics i need more to read late at night okay gnite

[nihilena]

I decided to just say fuck it and head out to another storefront weed shop, was all bummed because it wasn’t gonna be the girls I usually see, but also super pumped to finally get stoned

But

Somehow I stumbled across their relocation spot! New name, new place, but better parking & I still get to see the nice ladies who recognize me and give me free things!!!

Things worked out. Today was a lot but getting to find my regular weed shop was the best, and honestly I’m gonna let myself get a little too baked tonight so I can sleep... since it’s basically been two days since I’ve slept, I wanna ensure it’ll put me into an actual, restful sleep.

Last night and the night before I was basically in a mild panic all night and would crash out from exhaustion for a little but it was a shallow enough sleep where I could actively think and run through my thoughts at a billion miles an hour. In the mornings I get so nauseated... so full of worry I get nauseated. And at what?! Nothing. Well, that’s a lie. I have a lot of things going on for school and work, and money is always on my mind. Bc I have next to none of it rn but I’m making shit happen with what I do have but ugh

School is a lot this semester. It’s not fun or a place of respite anymore. I loathe being in class. There are certain classmates I like avoiding and the content is a lot so I really shouldn’t be avoiding them BUT there’s just a whole lot about that. I’m too old to be there, I can’t identify with the thought processes of these people. But I’m almost done. I cry a lot when I’m by myself because I’m so tired and my emotions are fucked and my patience is shot. I’m good & I’m pretty convincing about 95% of the time that I’ve got it covered w/ the fam and my friends, but 5% of the time I turn like a switch when one thing goes wrong or changes. The other night I cried bc we didn’t have the soup I wanted in the pantry.

My life is a mess right now of good and stressful things and jesus christ I just need to make sure I keep up with my weed supply so I can make it through the next couple months.

Oy

I’m just so tired all the time. I can’t wait to be done with school, man

[zoesrose]

TEXTS; ZOE & YAS 

pt. 3 - April 2021 - June 2021

APRIL

yasmin puckerman

Hey, you up?

zoe rose

Yes. Is everything okay?

yasmin puckerman

yeah yeah, everythings good I’m just up. Smoking out my window and was just thinking

zoe rose

Thinking about what?

yasmin puckerman

Thinkin bout you

wyd?

zoe rose

I just finished smoking. Laying here. Eating that candy you left here Saturday.

Exactly what about me are you thinking of?

yasmin puckerman

damn that’s where I left that

Your ass mostly

Them dimples you got right above it

zoe rose

I'm glad you mentioned the dimples because I was going to point out that my ass has nothing on yours.

I'll save you a piece.

yasmin puckerman

nah it’s cool, you can eat it. I’ll survive I do have exceptional cheeks

zoe rose

Alright.

You do.

yasmin puckerman

That’s not all I was thinking about tho

zoe rose

Tell me.

yasmin puckerman

we never talked about the night at the empire. Was that what you wanted? I’m

am I supposed to want to go on another d

Idk this shit I got is loud

I’m trippin

zoe rose

That’s not a clear answer. Tell me.

yasmin puckerman

you had a good time right? When we went out that one night

zoe rose

A very good time, yes.

Did you?

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah My bad for whatever I said after. It was just more than usual. I don’t get pushed life that

zoe rose

I didn’t take it to heart, it just meant I did a good job humiliating you. I liked pushing you.

yasmin puckerman

I liked it too

zoe rose

I can’t afford the Grand Empire again but I would like to do that again

yasmin puckerman

being there was hella fun but that wasn’t what made it good so, that’s whatever

zoe rose

The dinner part deserves a redo. Something less stuffy.

yasmin puckerman

so you trying to do the whole thing again?

zoe rose

We don’t have to.

yasmin puckerman

let me plan this one?

zoe rose

This one... date?

yasmin puckerman

Saturday or whenever We don’t have to call it that

zoe rose

Saturday.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah, dope Saturday. Yessir

zoe rose

liked this

Goodnight, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

Night Sir

yasmin puckerman

hey wassup?

zoe rose

Hello, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

what you up too?

zoe rose

Currently? Walking around campus. Hitting that back spot that looks over the water.

yasmin puckerman

oh so you chillin chillin

zoe rose

Yes

Everything okay?

yasmin puckerman

yeah all good. I don’t got nothin to text about, I was just being nosey

zoe rose

You could always come be nosy in person.

yasmin puckerman

yeah true Drop a pin?

zoe rose

Drop a pin, what?

location

zoe rose

Do I come across as an egotistical, saditty serial killer?

yasmin puckerman

egotistical? nah wait is this a trick question?

zoe rose

But yes to the other two?

yasmin puckerman

I didn't say that are you good?

zoe rose

I've been compared to Hunter Clarington and I don't like it.

yasmin puckerman

who tf is that? you need to throw down with someone? I could be in the mood real quick

zoe rose

He's a new Dominant that's taken an extra interest in Marley. She said he reminds her of me and I don't like him, so I needed to ask.

yasmin puckerman

Oh well I can't go fighting Marley

zoe rose

I would never ask you to.

yasmin puckerman

remember this?

zoe rose

So I am that type of Dominant? You really pulled some screenshots on me.

yasmin puckerman

I'm just saying, my feelings on that still stands why you saying it like its a bad thing?

zoe rose

Fuck you're right. I don't know why I'm feeling this way.

yasmin puckerman

bro, are you dropping? wyd, Sir?

zoe rose

Laying in bed. About to smoke this bowl. You?

yasmin puckerman

I was just about to roll

you got company?

zoe rose

No.

yasmin puckerman

do you want some, Sir?

zoe rose

Yes. Come over.

yasmin puckerman

ok dope omw

zoe rose

Door's open.

yasmin puckerman

you feeling better?

If you got a min this week to fit a session

lemme know? (leaf) (smoke) ahead of time maybe? Gotta clear it with the boss them

zoe rose

I’ve got minutes. Tomorrow afternoon.

yasmin puckerman

aight I’ll see what I can do

yasmin puckerman

yooo

you doing shit with your partner toni

do they sleep in your bed? I got the nig

your (plug) got gummies and shit rn?

zoe rose

He always does. Should I text him? He can have it delivered in an hour tops.

yasmin puckerman

yessir, pls $25 of nerds ropes or cookies or sum and a Q of that(fire) for me

zoe rose

You're missing something.

yasmin puckerman

yeah I didn't think that was gonna cut it forever

please and thanks, Sir?

yasmin puckerman

I'm starting an escort business wait that's not how that sounds hold up does it counts as that??

zoe rose

You're going to have to elaborate.

yasmin puckerman

I'm escorting this dude to town tomorrow for a few bucks I could be doing that a couple times just on a weekend morning and bank.

zoe rose

That's smart.

yasmin puckerman

thanks. I be thinking sometimes

zoe rose

You should charge by the hour.

yasmin puckerman

yeah, 35 the first 2 and 20 every hour after.

easy money I need to get shit in town myself tomorrow.

zoe rose

Good girl. Using this as an opportunity?

yasmin puckerman

You wanna swing by Trixie’s surprise party with me Sat?

zoe rose

Sure.

What will you be doing next week?

yasmin puckerman

Chillen Triple weeks no classes

Might pick up a few extra work shift tho, since imma be missing hours for this universal trip

zoe rose

I will also be working my ass off to rack up money.

yasmin puckerman

keepin on that grind  

zoe rose

Then maybe this Summer we can go on an actual trip. You and me.

yasmin puckerman

oh you tryin to steal my ass away for the summer??

zoe rose

Just a part of it.

yasmin puckerman

I like the sound of that.

zoe rose

I'm thinking Miami.

yasmin puckerman

dope I hear Miami jumps

zoe rose

I've been once. It does.

yasmin puckerman

theres a whole other semester to get through first

I'm really about to savor this break bc I'm hella tired of going to class

zoe rose

It's just a few more months.

yasmin puckerman

months

how did your midterm go?

zoe rose

It was fine. Yours?

yasmin puckerman

yeah good, same hb Marley?

zoe roseBOT — 04/24/2021

Hers went smoothly as well.

yasmin puckerman

Thats good no one to square up with

zoe rose

There's always next time.

yasmin puckerman

that makes me miss smight flub

zoe rose

We could go into town next week.

yasmin puckerman

yeah? I'd be down for that

zoe rose

Consider these official orders.

yasmin puckerman

Yes, Miss Sir. cool cool cool, dinner first?

zoe rose

And dessert after.

yasmin puckerman

the dessert is me right?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

knew it

zoe rose

Come over on Monday too. Since we don't have class.

yasmin puckerman

I would start and end the week with me too if I could

zoe rose

See you Monday, Yas.

zoe rose

I was thinking of renting a car to drive up to Universal. Would you like to ride with me and Marley?

yasmin puckerman

You just want a back seat roller I'm on to you

zoe rose

You could always drive and I could be the back seat roller. I'm not discriminatory.

yasmin puckerman

Aight but if I drive we getting there in 2 and a half minimum

zoe rose

No. I'll drive.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I knew you were all dry jokes

zoe rose

We'll leave Monday morning.

yasmin puckerman

You got it, Sir. I gotta remember to get my shit packed

zoe rose

Then you can pack my shit.

[ ... ]

Kidding.

yasmin puckerman

probably cause you don't want me picking all your outfits

zoe rose

All of my outfits are the same.

yasmin puckerman

Imma pack my bag and yours with my clothes

zoe rose

No. You're packing your bag and I'm packing mine.

yasmin puckerman

don’t worry. Just jokes I like your style how it is anyway

zoe rose

You're still coming over tomorrow night, correct?

yasmin puckerman

yep You planning to do anything special with me?

zoe rose

What do you want me to do to you?

yasmin puckerman

oh shit I hadn’t thought it throu No ones tied me up in a while

You wanna fuck me til I’m mad about it, Sir?

zoe rose

Wanna try that again?

yasmin puckerman

fuck, really?

I swore I had that one! Okay

Will you tie me up and fuck me til I’m mad about it pls, Sir?

zoe rose

That's better. I would love nothing more.

yasmin puckerman

You want some company now too?

I'm out on my board rn

zoe rose

I always want your company.

yasmin puckerman

So I don't gotta ask? what happens if I just start showing up?

zoe rose

My always wanting you here does not negate your need to ask for things you want.

yasmin puckerman

Do you ask for things you want? Or you always just waiting for me to do it?

zoe rose

I'm sure I've asked for you to come over on several occasions.

yasmin puckerman

when I have time I'm pulling receipts wait, that was a yes right? cause I'm already on my way

zoe rose

That was a yes.

yasmin puckerman

dope

MAY

zoe rose

Are you all packed?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I think so I suck at packing

zoe rose

I think I over packed.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah? I think I got more toys than clothes.

zoe rose

I got my clothes in one bag, my shoes in one, my make up in another, and my shit in it's own bag too.

yasmin puckerman

Damn you got four bags??

zoe rose

My make up and oiud bags are small so they barely count.

zoe rose

Before I forget, you're under my orders Friday night and Sunday.   And I would like for you to spend Sunday with me and Marley at Disney world. Please.

yasmin puckerman

I mean, since you asked so nicel Friday, yes Sir. Got it. And hell yeah I wanna go to disney. I don't wanna take your time away from Marley though so, you sure?

zoe rose

Perfect. Marley has me to herself on Friday and Saturday, so Sunday the three of us can  spend the day together before we drive back to GroveKey.

Friday is our birthday, so if you'd like to you can give Marley a present. Though I do not want anything. Just to fuck you Friday night.

yasmin puckerman

Oh shit, that's good to know

Did I known that already??

I'll definitely grab her something.

zoe rose

Thank you.

yasmin puckerman

I'm not saying I wont get you anything tho

zoe rose

I suppose I can't stop you.

yasmin puckerman

yup

tell me more about this birthday sex?

zoe rose

I don't think you really want to know. Not asking like that.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah maybe I don't It's your birthday so, whatever you want not that it's not always whatever you want you know what I mean

zoe rose

It'll be a nice surprise for you.

yasmin puckerman

You should let me surprise you tho

zoe rose

I don't like surprises.

yasmin puckerman

not even sexy ones in the shape of me?

zoe rose

Not even those

yasmin puckerman

aight

If you say so

zoe rose

You could always tell me what you wanted to do ahead of time so it’s not a surprise

yasmin puckerman

See this why you’re the smart one between us

zoe rose

So tell me.

yasmin puckerman

how bout I just keep myself ready for friday. you could tell me when to edge over text while you're out having your day whenever you want, on the dime that way by the time your birthday sex comes around I'll already be so fucking desperate for whatever you want to do to me or not do to

if I had hit you with that friday morning you woulda been mad?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

cool good

zoe rose

I would also like to dress you that day and on Sunday.

Those can be my gifts.

yasmin puckerman

I'm down but thats not your gift nice try tho

zoe rose

It will be better than any material thing you could get me.

yasmin puckerman

well you can just like it more than a  legit thing, that’s fine

zoe rose

Deal.

yasmin puckerman

(laughing)

(peace) (alien) (kiss)

yasmin puckerman

heyyyooooo Happy Birthday

zoe rose

Thank you.

[ 10am ] Now edge for me.

yasmin puckerman

yeah okay. But wait, can I bring you and Marley's gift by before you leave?

zoe rose

The correct response is 'yessir'

We'll wait for you.

yasmin puckerman

aww YESSIR ok cool, thanks oh shit wait hold on. [ ... ]

(mastur.gif)

zoe rose

loved this

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

omw

zoe rose

[ 12:37pm ] Edge again.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir. got you.

masturbate.gif

zoe rose

Fuck. I can't wait to fuck you tonight.

yasmin puckerman

listen YOU can't wait???

this the second time you edged today too ooor

I'm already hella ready for you, still wet since the first time

zoe rose

That's exactly how I want you. Tonight, I want you dripping.

yasmin puckerman

fuck yeah you got it what time you guys coming back? not that I'm rushing you I'm just you know, wondering

zoe rose

Around 9pm. Why? Are you desperate already?

yasmin puckerman

I'm always desperate when you say you're going to fuck me

zoe rose

Is that so? I'll keep that in mind every time I say that.

yasmin puckerman

you gonna be thinkin about me thinkin about you?

zoe rose

I can absolutely admit to that.

yasmin puckerman

dope that mean I got you wet too?

you got any hints about you're planning to enjoy this birthday sex?

zoe rose

I haven't decided yet. There will most certainly be some choking and humiliation involved. Perhaps I'll suffocate you with my pussy.

yasmin puckerman

well damn catch me making sure this seats all clean for you, Sir.

I don't even need air

zoe rose

I’ll be sure to remember that.

[ 2:54pm ] Again.

yasmin puckerman

mastur.gif

can you see how wet I am? these panties been done for, i'm gonna have to change before I head out

zoe rose

Actually, don’t even wear underwear. And wear a skirt. I’m not done with you.

yasmin puckerman

tf am I gonna get a skirt fro yes, Sir

yasmin puckerman

[ 20 minutes later ]

zero underwear, promise

zoe rose

Good girl. As soon as you get to where you’re going, you’re going to slip into the bathroom to edge for me.

yasmin puckerman

imma have to go wipe my thighs anyway so, might as well

zoe rose

Good, I like that you're dripping.

[ 7:21pm ] I'm on my way back. Edge again.

yasmin puckerman

fuck sorry, there was a line for the bathroom

(mastur.gif)

how long does it take to get back, Sir?

zoe rose

I'll be back in my room in less than thirty minutes.

yasmin puckerman

bet. I'm gonna be waiting there wait no, do you need a min?

nah i'm just gonna be waiting th

zoe rose

By the time I get to my room, I expect you kneeling in front of my door.

yasmin puckerman

oh than fu

yes, Sir. you got it. Imma be there.

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

Did you know it was mothers day?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

I didn't now I feel like a dick

zoe rose

It's not too late to call her.

yasmin puckerman

I'm waiting for my brother to finish

zoe rose

He beat you to it?

yasmin puckerman

The first time ion think either of us got through but yeah, he did

It's okay, she'll still love me

zoe rose

I'm sure you're fine.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah it was fine, she wasn't mad I told her about Disney Thanks for the invite today

zoe rose

Thank you for indulging Marley.

yasmin puckerman

Nah, that's light work she made it really fun

zoe rose

Yes but there was a lot of things I wouldn't with her that you did.

yasmin puckerman

I had a good time so, it's np did you?

zoe rose

I enjoyed you and Marley having a good time.

yasmin puckerman

I guess thats not a no

zoe rose

It doesn't matter because it wasn't for me. The person who was supposed to enjoy it did and that's all that I wanted.

yasmin puckerman

what would you do for your birthday if it was just for you? besides me, obviously

zoe rose

Sitting on the beach, drinking and smoking. Then maybe a car show or something later in the night. Before coming going home with you for birthday sex.

yasmin puckerman

you wanna do that next weekend? the retirement homies around this island are always having car shits, bet theres something

zoe rose

Yes. Please.

yasmin puckerman

dope I only work until 1 sat

zoe rose

Then you're under my orders for the rest of the weekend.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir. I mean, except I got a 6 to close sunday but beside that it'll be dope

zoe rose

We can hit the beach again before you go into work.

yasmin puckerman

you look good on the beach, so I'm down

zoe rose

I'll get the cooler ready.

yasmin puckerman

you wanna dress me?

zoe rose

For the car show? Yes.

yasmin puckerman

cool I like when you do that

zoe rose

Good. I like it too.

yasmin puckerman

loved this

yasmin puckerman

Can this be a regular thing?

zoe rose

You being mine for the weekend?

yasmin puckerman

yeah. Exactly that

zoe roseB

I want that too.

yasmin puckerman

I just might have to work sometimes. Like we did this weekend tho that’s cool, yeah?

zoe rose

I think it worked out this weekend like that.

yasmin puckerman

I think so too, Sir

it was dope

zoe rose

I think so too.

yasmin puckerman

From Saturday morning next week?

zoe rose

Yes, standing orders.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

Good girl. Goodnight, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

Goodnight

yasmin puckerman

hey

morning or whatever

zoe rose

Good morning, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

What you up to today? Besides dumbass class

zoe rose

Just that. Bored out of my fucking mind, you?

yasmin puckerman

mood. same. everyone is always like, you don’t even enjoy the kink classes? Like I’m obviously only taking kink classes. It’s still book work and listening so, I’m still

zoe rose

Especially in the intro classes.

yasmin puckerman

I joined a study group

zoe rose

For what reason?

yasmin puckerman

to copy ppls work also I like the girl running it, she’s sweet

zoe rose

I should have known there was a cute/sweet girl involved.

yasmin puckerman

at least I know what motivates me blonde and everything

zoe rose

And here I thought I was the one set in my ways

yasmin puckerman

whats your thing? brats who are full of themselves

zoe rose

That one is actually new.

yasmin puckerman

hmm, getting adventurous

zoe rose

Seems so.

yasmin puckerman

well I'm hella happy to help  

zoe rose

Send me a pic

yasmin puckerman

of me like right now?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

zoe rose

liked this

Good angle.

yasmin puckerman

I’m hella sexy from all angles so, thank you

zoe rose

Yes, you are.

yasmin puckerman

Send me one, Sir?

zoe rose

Say please.

yasmin puckerman

Please, Sir?

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

thanks

saves image

yasmin puckerman

Mind if I kick it with you between a class today or sum?

zoe rose

No. Bored?

yasmin puckerman

Imma see if you’ll let me ask nicely to go down on you.

zoe rose

Ask nicely and we'll see.

yasmin puckerman

If I start saying what I know you’ll say before you say it, that gonna piss you off?

zoe rose

I'm not making any promises.

yasmin puckerman

damn, cause you know I’d like it

zoe rose

So go ahead and try me. What will I say?

yasmin puckerman

hb I just count my lucky stars today and ask where I should meet you? So I can ask properly

zoe rose

My place.

yasmin puckerman

okay cool thanks, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

zoe rose

Today is my turn to ask if I can go down on you between classes.

yasmin puckerman

wait you’re ASKING me???

say pleas

Uh, hell yes I don’t gotta jump through a hoop first?

zoe rose

No. I just want your pussy on my mouth.

yasmin puckerman

fuck yes wherever you want, Sir.

zoe rose

Your room exactly three minutes after our second class ends.

yasmin puckerman

I'll be right on time

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

I work til 9 tomorrow, you gonna be busy?

zoe rose

I am not. Are you wanting to start our weekend early?

yasmin puckerman

Yes please

zoe rose

Yes, come over after work.

yasmin puckerman

cool also I gotta reup pls, at least a Q

zoe rose

Alright just send me the 70

yasmin puckerman

thanks

zoe rose

liked this

[ ... ]

unliked this

What do you want to do tomorrow night?

yasmin puckerman

you wanna go out?

zoe rose

Out to a club?

yasmin puckerman

yeah, I could get changed at work, meet you back at campus?

zoe rose

Yes. I'll come by your play before you go to work. Pick out when you're going to wear for the night.

yasmin puckerman

okay dope yes, Sir How was your week?

zoe rose

It was satisfactory, no complaints. I went to class, smoked, chilled. You?

yasmin puckerman

It was good, flew by They been doing that lately

zoe rose

I like it.

yasmin puckerman

must be cause of all the relaxing I do come weekends

zoe rose

Is that what we call it? Relaxing?

yasmin puckerman

that’s what I’m calling it its relaxing for me well maybe not always in the moment, but afterward, overall, that shit

zoe rose

Yes. That makes sense.

zoe rose

You sent someone to bring me coffee?

yasmin puckerman

bomb coffee did you like it?

zoe rose

I almost slammed the door in his face.

yasmin puckerman

oh no but you didn’t?

zoe rose

His only saving grace was saying your name. Otherwise he would have gotten the coffee thrown in his face.

yasmin puckerman

damn coffee is hot

wait are you mad?

I should have told you it was coming, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that

zoe rose

I'm not mad. Just thrown off.

You should have.

yasmin puckerman

my fault, I’m sorry

did you like the coffee th

maybe I could make it up to you later?

zoe rose

You're tasked with finding a girl for both of us to fuck at the club.

yasmin puckerman

yes Sir hell yes I'm all over it, any preferences?

zoe rose

Your type. I want to watch you dom someone.

yasmin puckerman

fuck okay yup, I'll keep my eye out

zoe rose

Good. Do you like the dress I chose for you tonight?

yasmin puckerman

Imma look so fine

I like everything you pick for me

zoe rose

I like everything I pick for you too.

yasmin puckerman

[ later ] I got her

coming back rn

zoe rose

I'm in Private Room 6.

yasmin puckerman

okay damn, perfect is this gonna be a just me her thing? or like a me her... me her you?

zoe rose

I'm only watching tonight.

yasmin puckerman

cool, okay dope just give me like 5 mins, Sir?

zoe rose

5 min and not a second more.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

yasmin puckerman

I know I just left but, can I come over?

zoe rose

You really should have just stayed with me the extra day.

yasmin puckerman

I thought I'd be a big girl and sleep in my own bed tonight but nah

zoe roseBOT — 05/31/2021

Come here.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

JUNE

yasmin puckerman

do you wanna fuck me at lunch, Sir? please? I'm in a hella bad mood

zoe rose

No. I’m not in the mood.

yasmin puckerman

okay you good?

zoe rose

Yes. Why are you in a bad mood?

yasmin puckerman

because it feels like a Monday

and I'm irritating

zoe rose

You’re irritating?

yasmin puckerman

YES me.

annoying tf out of my self

zoe rose

Take a smoke break. You'll feel better.

yasmin puckerman

you're so fucking right oh shit, thats why! I slept in so I didn't have time to this morning

zoe rose

You're welcome.

yasmin puckerman

i thought I was just in a fight with me thanks, your wisdom is plentiful

zoe rose

liked this

We got this new strand, Skywalker OG. You want?

yasmin puckerman

hell yes and also yes please

zoe rose

Good girl. You'll be getting Chinese food later on tonight.

yasmin puckerman

okay dope but I might only be able to swing a 8th rn, I gotta check the funds

zoe rose

Pay me back next paycheck.

yasmin puckerman

music to my ears

zoe rose

Mhm.

yasmin puckerman

you were def right

and I hella want to kiss you

I feel better now

zoe rose

Good.

yasmin puckerman

hey

zoe rose

Hello.

yasmin puckerman

fuck I wasn’t expecting that

zoe rose

I know.

yasmin puckerman

is this an invite? or am I being teased?

zoe rose

It's always an invite.

yasmin puckerman

yeah always? I get out of work in 55 minutes.

zoe rose

Not that you're counting or anything.

yasmin puckerman

yeah I am def counting 54 minutes

zoe rose

And how long does it take you to get here?

yasmin puckerman

20 mins ish

zoe rose

Door's open. Come into the bedroom naked.

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah yes Sir.

zoe rose

liked this

yasmin puckerman

holy shit the pride tourist wave has hit grovekey it's been so fucking busy

zoe rose

Are you getting paid more?

yasmin puckerman

[ backdated ] I wish I was bout to go on a break though so I got a solid 15 mins to sit my ass down

zoe rose

Only a couple more hours. FT while I roll?

yasmin puckerman

I was just about to ask that

3 more mins and I’m headed out back.

zoe rose

Yes. Just call.

[ see here ]

yasmin puckerman

I just rolled a fatty, want me to come by?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

Orange soda?

zoe rose

Yes, please.

yasmin puckerman

Dope. I'll be there in 5

hold on munchies kicked in and I'm staring into this vending machine like it owns my life do you think I want a reeses or a kit kat?

zoe rose

I thought you were waiting to smoke with me. We both want Reeses.

yasmin puckerman

nah I said I rolled I had one ready one my way home before I showered and changed maybe I should go with skittles. that meatball sub I had at work is not sittin right, chocolate probably wont help

Or them little mini cookies

zoe rose

Mhm. Not cookies, you just said chocolate won't help.

yasmin puckerman

so I don’t work sat but there’s an alum event I want to hit up at 7, do I need to ask permission or some s that cool with you Sir?

zoe rose

Which event is that?

yasmin puckerman

poker night

well it’s a men’s only thing but I wanna see if they’d let me ride and I’m cute or whatever, I’m sure I can convince somebodies rich daddy

zoe rose

Okay. You’re still ordered to my room after.

yasmin puckerman

dope It goes to 11 but I don’t think I’ll need that long to clean up$$ and head out

zoe rose

Where is it going to be held?

yasmin puckerman

someone said it was gonna be at that oak club place

zoe rose

Will you need an escort?

yasmin puckerman

yeah I will

zoe rose

Want it to be me?

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah I was gonna just figure something out but that’d be dope I’m so mf good at poker

just gotta find out what the buy in is so I’m prepared.

zoe rose

if there's a difference you can't make, I got you

yasmin puckerman

If it come to that, I’ll give it right back after I triple it

zoe rose

Alright.

Which seminars are you signing up for?

yasmin puckerman

Just the switch one if I’m gonna be forced into an extra class this week at least it’s Miss Bakers she aight

zoe rose

That's smart.

yasmin puckerman

you pick any?

zoe rose

I'm looking now. I might just do the TPE class since it's in my wheelhouse.

yasmin puckerman

yeah might be interesting, good thinking

zoe rose

Besides me dressing you, have you ever experienced TPE in the submissive role?

yasmin puckerman

nah but, I’m taking that intro class right now

zoe rose

I want to explore that with you.

yasmin puckerman

like an all day thing?

zoe rose

Starting with a few rules. Then leading up to an all day thing.

[cheonjaem-blog]

boyfriend! park woojin

how the shy, nerdy loser, park woojin would confess

school! au

park woojin is such a nerd lmao

everyone knows that he’s hella smart, got straight a’s, 5.0 gpa

if you’re tryna pass a class, you best be sitting next to him

but nobody actually knows him personally

he doesn’t really talk much to other students but has a semi-friend lee daehwi

you had woojin in science class

and tbh you didn’t know shit

you started off the class with an f after you failed your first quiz

and things just never got better gg

but you started realizing that the semester was ending, and you were about to take a fat ass L

your teacher called you in after class, and told you straight up that you were about to fail his class, and you needed to get your shit together

“hmmm if you’re really struggling with this material, i suggest asking park woojin to help you”

and you just want to kys because you’re not tryna fail and retake this class

but woojin kind of scared you lol

he’s so perfect and smart and low key intimidating even if you’ve known him since middle school

you’ve never really held an actual conversation with him after all those years of being in the same class

so you walk home thinking of different ways to end your life cheat on the final actually understand the material

you drop into the nearest convenience store by your house to pick up some food to motivate you to study, and you accidentally run into woojin

he mutters a quick “sorry” before walking out, but you turn around and grab his sleeve 

“wait can you pretty please tutor me in science?”

and you just give him an embarrassed laugh

surprisingly he says yes!!

he’s really shy and super confused bc he’s known you for so long but he never thought that you actually knew he existed??

and he was also super flustered at seeing you since he thought you were really cute and may or may not have crushed on you for 4 years,,

so you exchange kkt’s and meet up at the library after school everyday 

sometimes you buy him drinks and sometimes he’ll buy you chips

“woah how’d you know honey butter chips are my favorite??”

obviously bc he’s been low key stalking you 

anyways.. he reteaches you all the key concepts that you should know for the final 

and you swear the teacher has never gone over this in class but maybe you were asleep

you guys hit it off so well??

and you find out that woojin is really talkative when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about like dancing

you didn’t know this nerd danced wth??

and you feel really bad after a while bc he’s wasting his time to help you study when he could study by himself

basically you just felt like a burden ;;

so you bake him cookies as a thank you and he gets super blushy and awkward when you give them to him the next day

his blushing face is so funny that you can’t resist dropping a couple flirty teasing remarks 

“aw you’re so cute woojin”

but woojin has been really enjoying spending all this time with you

he secretly likes it when you make your stupid puns

and sometimes when he’s teaching you something, he’ll drift off into space and you’ll catch him just staring at you

he’s mesmerized by you okay

as for you, you start to become comfortable with woojin

and he seems less scary, and you realize he’s just a shy bean

you notice how he’s really focused on everything he does, and you admire his perseverance 

you start getting used to his presence, and it took him weeks but eventually he even starts to talk you outside of class and study sessions

like sometimes he’ll bring you lunch, and you guys will sit together in the cafeteria talking about anime or something equally nerdy

woojin has obviously never had any relationship experience and he has no other friends to confide his feelings to,,, 

he’s already suppressed these feelings for the past 4 years, but now that you guys are actually friends, he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship ;;

woojin is so scared to confess bc he’s such a loser, and you’re well-loved by everyone at school

he’s way too shy and afraid you’re going to reject him immediately bc you think he’s an embarrassment to you

so one day park jihoon, your english partner, asks you to rehearse with him after school for your guys’ english project which is to recreate a scene of romeo and juliet in class

you guys wrote the script in class (a class you don’t have with woojin obvs) so of course you agree

jihoon takes you to an empty classroom and you guys start rehearsing

“o, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. they pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair”

“saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake”

“then move not, while my prayer’s effect i take”

and then jihoon leans in to fake kiss you bc he’s a flirty asshole and it’s part of the scene but why

you laugh and jokingly hit him “why are you like this wth”

at this time woojin is looking for you bc usually you meet up by your lockers, and you’re always there first waiting for him

and of course he chooses this moment, when it looks like jihoon is going to kiss you, to walk by

and his heart actually shatters

woojin is just staring with wide eyes at you two and quickly walks off bc he feels tears coming

he never knew you and park jihoon were a thing, and now he feels stupid for ever thinking he had a chance with you

he walks out of school and hears his phone ring and of course it’s you

he doesn’t really feel like talking to you rn but he’s too kind not to pick up

woojin sucks it up and continues with your study sesh but with less smiles and jokes and most of the time you think he’s grimacing

while he’s reviewing the law of gravitation with you, your phone goes off and of course it’s a text from jihoon bc you’re really unlucky rip

woojin pauses and stares at your phone which says:

from bby boy jihoon ♡ (jihoon created that name okay) : are you my homework? bc i want to slam you on my table and do you all night long ;)

“blocked and reported” 

you notice woojin glaring at your phone and when your eyes meet, you’re scared by how scary and angry he looks

he grabs you by your arm and drags you out into the hallway

woojin is overcome by a jealous rage and he ends up pushing you against the wall and slamming his hands next to your head

and you’re just like wtf what’s going on? am i in a cheesy anime or something???

adrenaline is rushing in woojin, and he literally has no control over his actions atm

“you’re not jihoon’s. you’re mine”

you’re like whoa where’d this confidence come from?? what a busan way to confess wow

and wow woojin looks so fucking hot being all alpha like this holy

his confidence is so sexy shit and you don’t even say anything and just kiss him bc damn he’s hot 

whenever you mention this confession to him, he gets all embarrassed bc he had an actual confession planned out with roses and milk tea and everything but oh well

so boyfriend woojin is v v v cute,,,

he’s so innocent wow 

brings you flowers on every anniversary

“happy 7th month anniversary”

“wtf woojin nobody celebrates that but thx”

really really shy

at first he doesn’t initiate pda at all,, gets flustered when you hold his hand in public

eventually gets comfortable with you and becomes clingy af

study dates!!

tries to bribe you with food and cuddles when you finish homework

“i’ll buy you boba if you finish your math homework early”

your grades start rising hella wow

started from the bottom now we here c->a

woojin is a proud boyfriend when you pass your science final with flying colors and pass the class

dances for you and wow he’s so hot when he’s dancing damn

reversal charm to the max

his snaggletooth is the cutest thing you’ve ever laid eyes on holy

he wanted to get it fixed at first since he was kind of insecure about it but you were like “uh how about a no”

you loved his tooth and he ended up loving it bc you did :)))

you have an album of woojin’s childhood pics on your phone, and he begs you to delete them but you can’t resist teasing him bc it’s so funny lmao

he tells you about his crush on you in middle school really shyly one day and you just laugh bc middle school you was a cringey part of your history and if he liked you at that awful point of your life,, he’s a keeper ;;

an angel!!

knows how to cheer you up with girl group dances hahahah

dances to twice, ioi, gfriend, every girl group to make you laugh

will destroy every last shred of his dignity to see you smile :’)

a wanna be athlete

tries to play basketball with you but prob doesn’t know the rules gg

gets jealous when you drool over male idols

“i dance better than him right???”

needs constant attention like a lost puppy

it’s okay bc he’s cute

v clumsy

tried baking cupcakes for you one day but almost burned up the kitchen hahahahah see what i did there

trips over the air sometimes

vj park in training 

tries to film you dancing to the choreos he’s taught you

ends up zooming in on your face 90% of the time and having really shaky camerawork 

really really caring boyfriend and will love you unconditionally ♡ 

[swearronchanel]

Impromptu post, thoughts during 5.05

I'm so pissed I literally lost an earring at some point today and just realized. So I ripped my dorm room apart looking for it (no luck of course) and now it's 9:30 so I already missed half of the new episode of Jane the Virgin. Also my earrings are from Tiffany's, they were a Christmas gift a couple years ago & I can't afford to replace it😭 whatever you guys don't care about this, I'm so tired but I refuse to fall asleep at 9:30pm because I'll wake up at like 5am. So I decided to watch a random episode of Call The Midwife and share my thoughts.

Ok I'm going with 5.05, since we just saw 6.05 lol, idk If there's any logic but just go with it alright

ah the old credits, I really like the new ones though. Especially the color

"We were moving from a time of guessing.." I love how the show explains & shows that times are changing

The health report! Littt

"I feel a drumroll is in order" Shelagh is so precious!! 💖 I love her Scottish accent && side note I still wish they would mention one day how she got London. It literally does not matter at all but we know next to nothing about her past and im curious ?! More of Shelagh’s past pls

WAIT ONE OF MY FAV SHELAGH LINES IS COMING

"Patrick Turner, GP License to Practice Medicine and Secret Agent Shelagh Turnova save Poplar from ill health and disease!" I LOVE ITTTT😂 ONE OF HER BEST LINES EVER DONT @ ME, her laugh at the end is priceless ah! Shelagh is lowkey funny af she just rarely gets to opportunity and again Laura Main is an actual gem 😍

KEEP FIT

Trixie looking so good😍 i need her to whip my ass back in to shape. i havent worked out in like 3 months yikes

but seriously is this really my train of thoughts if i dont mention how perfect Helen George is?

yea its fuccking cancer, cigs are no joke

lol did they really not notice Tim reading Freud?

Also why did Shelagh ever think smoking cigarettes was a good idea after she freaking had tb? i forgive her though shes my bby💕

phyllis! my mother and hero

oh yea this lady cant read

forgot she was a ex-prostitute

vi and fred doing jumping jacks im dead, theyre a cute couple

Where did frankincense come from??

lol violet didnt wanna give up the bathroom door "we may be married but i still have my dignity"

Mrs Dooly? Is that her name (idk)

I can so see Shelagh delivering her baby herself like this lady did, but obviously she’d know what’s happening. You think Shelagh is going to freak out while giving birth though? hmm  

"I do like a milky brew" WHY IS THAT FUNNY😂😂 I like the Delia & Sister MJ interaction

PHYLLIS TRYING TO RIDE A BIKE IS SYMBOLISM FOR ME TRYING TO GET THROUGH THIS SEMESTER #barelymanaging

does laying on a door really help a messed up back?

Those awful sleeves on Delia's uniform *cringe*

"I am not trusted with medical emergencies" I TRUST YOU SISTER MJ💕 lowkey hope the delivery sister MJ is involved in is Shelagh's

If I had to deliver my own baby I'd be freaking the fuck out too, like I'm not Dr Quinn

The Nonnatus Fam all at the table makes me happy😭

Sister Winifred rolling her eyes in the back 😂😂😂

"I'll be washing my hair and reading magazines from now on" yo sister Winifred is growing on me tbh?? Wow lol

"Ive always assumed the results of the male organ to be more rewarding than the organ itself" 😂😭 love sister MJ

Everyone in the convent shook😂 again sister W has the best reactions 😂 dick jokes are 100x funnier when they're made in a convent & 1000x funnier when they're made by a nun

Shelagh's "percussion" on Tim's back I'm dead lmfaoo

I don't remember if she has post partum ?

Fred taking over the shop😂 I miss when Fred used to scam though😭

"I'm missing my monthlys" "monthly whats?" Oh Fred cmon 😂

Tim snatching those cigarettes

Barbara trying to measure this lady😂😂 she's so awkward, love it

She leaves her baby outside smh

"Gosh James knows how to show a chap a nice time"  ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH LINE😂 give my bby more great lines 😭😂

I LOVE CHEEKY SHELAGH, I LOVE SHELAGH ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN SHE HAS NO LINES OR IS CRYING AND SAD (WHICH IS TOO OFTEN & WE NEEDA CUT THAT OUT)

Laura Main and Helen George calmly ruined me, I never was like this? How did I end up literally crying every week for fictional characters ??

Shelagh and Patrick's faces were so smug just now I love it

Yikes those lungs

Reminds me of all the gross anti smoking commercials. Also Patrick is shook but I'm not too surprised

I love that Phyllis is so understanding and doesn't judge any patient  💕

"You have the rest of your life to get the hang of it" I NEEDED THAT TOO PHYLLIS THANKS

LMAO FRED "Because hell will freeze over first"

so yes post partum??

Phyllis is annoyed bc she wants to work on her Spanish and babs is taking too long with the dishes 😂😂te querio mucho phyllis

Tim sparking up lol 🚬

Here comes trouble

I wanna rip Patrick's index finger off. Remember that time he wagged his finger and Shelagh and I was ready TO FREAKING FLIP

but yea wtf you knew this would happen Tim

Shelagh's just like "Tim no" I love u Shelagh but what does that do lmao your husband is exploding

"You'll what, light it for me!?" BOYYYY ARE YOU BRAVE KID

If I responded like that my parents would've flipped, there most likely would've been a chancla coming at me  😭😂

But seriously Patrick should know better not to smoke lol

What does Roxanne mean this isn't real??

Aw cute Patrick and Tim moment, and a year later they're getting drunk off one beer and throwing darts into the wall😂

I want to see more of Phyllis with babies aww

Also not really related but I hope Phyllis has some good lines defending the pill when it comes back up. Remember when she had babs shook when she told the story of the soldier she spent a weekend away with😏 imagine her telling the other nurses?

Used to hang out at a Jazz club Patrick?? lol interesting  

damn get that radium treatment man

"The real magic is keeping on when all you want to do is run" Phyllis Fucking Crane spilling the tea as always. How did I not like her once upon a time??

Could Shelagh get any cuter eating biscuits? No she could not

lol biscuits aren't just for fainters!! Ah I don't miss sister Ursula 🙃

that's not your mother😐 (I knew where she was going though but you know I'm gonna say it anyway)

More Shelagh and Phyllis interaction yes pls

How much is a shilling? #ignorantamerican

Fred hiding from the costumers 😂😂

Yes Vi! Defend ur man & kick this rude ass lady out

Lol now Patrick telling other people to quit smoking. Don Draper tried man, it's gonna take u a while 😭

I'm here for the Phyllis and Sister W dynamic (more now that Phyllis is teaching her how to drive 😂)

Ah I love going back to old episodes when I know what happens in the future, also I notice things I didn't notice before and make connections and yea, you catch my drift lmao

"We don't choose to be unloved by those who should love us"💔

we truly don't deserve Phyllis. SHE'S TALKING ABOUT HER MOTHER AND IM CRYING

"Shame will keep us in all kinds of prisons if we let it" 😭😭😭

Patrick has a puppy face rn

Wait they went this long without naming the baby??

omg speaking of that, I really want to know what the gender of baby Turner is going to be and what it will be named😭😭

Vi is precious lol & Fred lifting her is cute. Patrick never lifts Shelagh😂

Aw speaking of my bbys💕💕

So precious it’s almost strange Turner family moment

Why do so many people hate that couch? Like it doesn't bother me or maybe I don't care enough about the background?

Angela has grown so much in a year wow, she looks a lot younger here

lol Shelagh and Patrick are like "um wtf psychology??" 😂

Wait Angela made a noise😂 when will she actually speak??

Haha Shelagh you're going to need new dresses but you don't know yet 😭😂💕 I still can't believe she's having a baby. I Love it.

"You're my world" lol that was so cute but also I still think Tim is too perfect of a child?? what teenager is so pleasant with his parents all the time 😂 plus he's always with them and his baby sister? #givetimalife2k17aka1962

Aww all the cute concluding moments & Vanessa Redgrave saying something profound and we are done.  

[itrlybekahlea]

hey yall it me

welcome to my ted talk 

Anywho, hello whoever happens to be reading this! I don’t really have an exact audience that I’m trying to target or please, this is mainly for my pleasure and so that I can put my brain to good use lol.

I’m starting this “blog” if you wanna call it that to begin talking about my college adventures. However, the term blog seems too legit when really dis bouta just become a public diary as it flys through the wind with whoever finds it. 

Currently I’m 18 years old and a freshman at college who’s about to be done with her first semester as it’s dead week rn. GORL CAN I JUST SAY COLLEGE HAS BEEN AN EXPERIENCE. I’m not gonna overhype it and say that ultimate freedom=extreme happiness at all times, but really sometimes it be like ultimate freedom=extreme loneliness. Although I’m rooming with my two best friends, who happen to be some of my most favorite and loved human beings on the planet, there’s still a space of hurtful void that makes you feel so small and alone. It was worse when I first came to college, especially when dealing with dumb guy problems that caused anxiety. What they don’t really tell you in college is that there’s going to be moments of deep insecurity, feeling invisible in fat crowds of people you’ll spend the next four years with who happen to be “family”, and school will overall fuck u up like u never thought possible- mentally, physically and sis even spiritually. 

However, now that I’m pretty deep into college I can testify that time truly does heal all and it gets better. I’ve actually come to appreciate the bad experiences at first and actually laugh about it with close friends I’ve made now. Without the bad times there’s no way I could have valued how great college is now, truly it’s apart of the law of averages said by some science guy. I’ve made friends with such style, kindness, humor, goofiness, good-heartedness, understanding and, sis the list can go on. But one important thing I want to remark about the friends I’ve made is that they’re all so loving to where I could feel Christ’s love inside of them, which has made me fallen in love with God more. Honestly, that’s when I started to see things looking up, when I let go of all my pride and saw what God commands as good more valuable than materialistic college standards. I assure you the friends I’ve made in these long yet short months will be lifelong friends where we talk about being at each other’s weddings. I’m beyond thankful for the way they’ve allowed my heart to grow. 

Memories so far:

mac miller tribute concert, russ concert, pj morton concert, trips to laguna beach, finding out what raising canes is and having it hella, little toyko, grand central, DISNEYLAND!!!!!!, drive-in movies, downtown disney, 6:30am malibu sunrise, house parties, lol FRAT parties, the club, weird kickbacks, edm clubs LOL, school dances, 4am drive to see josh at irvine, seeing christmas light be sound coordinated!!!, SOCAL THRIFT, jada’s black magic baby shower, bomb life-changing lectures and readings in clfm, skating around to get food, reenacting the water step up dance in our flooded hall, singing in the shower w other girls, deep life talks 

& sis the list goes on. 

I thank God for all the good and bad times, I know He’s with me through it all. 

[laurennicole003]

i just really need to get this out okay so  1. i HATE more than literally anything else that i have not heard back about florida yet. not only do i just desperately want to get in, but I HAVE NOT A DAMN CLUE WHERE I AM GOING TO BE LIVING NEXT YEAR AND I AM SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE ASKING ME AND ME NOT BEING ABLE TO ANSWER BECAUSE ITS HONESTLY SO FUCKING IRRATIONAL THAT THIS SEMESTER IS ALMOST OVER AND I DO NOT HAVE A PLACE TO FUCKING LIVE NEXT SEMESTER??? i mean if i do get accepted then thats great BUT THEN i have to find roommates and i can't even talk to people about it now and try to meet people because no one wants to make plans with the girl who isn't accepted so like FUCK. and then if i don't get in, i have like 4 weeks to find an apartment to live in that i like which means i need to tour it, possibly find roommates, etc all while simultaneously finishing my classes, taking exams, and packing all my shit to leave. so what the fuck  2. i was so sure about being a sowk major at first because it seemed just right but now i feel like I'm not going to enjoy the political aspects of the career and i feel like the profession is just a lot of working with problems that cannot be solved and clearly i have had enough of that in the past 19 years for a lifetime so like no thank you???  3. now I'm considering fucking PRE MED like LAUREN WHAT ARE YOU DOING literally this seems like such a hard field to me and I've never really liked science but I've never been awful at it either but like DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE COME INTO COLLEGE FOR PRE MED AND THEN REALIZE THEY ARE NOT CUT OUT FOR IT??? AND LIKE IF ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE CANT DO IT, WHY THE HELL WOULD I THINK I CAN??? medicine scares me so much and I've always wanted to stay away from it because my mom does it and i just didnt wanna be like that but its so interesting and i wish that i could just know like all the symptoms of every disease/issue and be able to tell people exactly what to do/take to feel better like I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT but like I DONT FUCKING KNOW IF I COULD DO THAT. i am so frustrated and i am not at all the type of person you would think to do pre med like i am not that smart and i can't handle dissection but i want to do that rn but like do i actually want to do this or is this an impulse bc I'm bored with the major i have rn and pre med is like a shiny new toy to me???  4. i am feeling pretty down about all of this and i don't know what I'm capable of or where to even start and i don't have the time to just sit around and wait for the answer to come to me because life doesn't pause for anyone so I'm going 100mph while trying to figure all my shit out but i honestly can't even figure anything out bc i don't have an acceptance for florida rn or the capability to conquer a nursing major so idk what I'm doing  5. semi unrelated but philosophy has been all about suicide and how meaningless life is and even though some of these philosophers are like trying to encourage the fact that living in spite of life being meaningless is the best thing to do, every day its such a depressing lecture and its honestly got me down and i think about it constantly during my day  basically i have no idea where I'm living or what I'm doing with my life so that is fun. no one will ever read this but i needed so badly to put my thoughts into words so here we are.