#like i was legit even kinda hopeful for the new semester

[orphicpoieses]

The orphic blog

Hey and welcome to another episode of the orphic blog, where I ramble about anything and everything that's on my mind. If you like what you see, consider subscribing to my tag list because I cannot tell you when the next post will happen. 🙂

As many of you may have noticed: my native language is not English. It is German.

And maybe you have noticed that I have an Instagram-Account, where I post stuff irregularly.

Yes, I know, most people on Tumblr don't care for Instagram (legit), but I do, especially with my current Account. And since Instagram isn't much of a text-based platform, I will post my blog about this here, simply hoping people will read and understand.

For a little background:

I started Instagram on a regular basis in March 2018, where I joined the German Bookstagram Community. Blogging about books was always a hobby of mine, but I never wanted to be a professional blogger for publishers. I never wanted to have the pressure of having a deadline reading a book and writing an article. Reading was just an hobby and I don't want to make it a job.

But as it is with any niche within any social media app: People are very passionate about creating fancy stuff. In Germany we have a saying: "Höher, schneller, weiter." Higher, faster, farer.

See, I don't have that neat white rug or that perfect floor or bed, to take fancy photographs of these perfectly created bookish scenes. My lighting is bad and my photos don't look very professional. The effort I put into creating photos like this

it never really found an audience and I quit Instagram for a very long time. I simply hadn't the energy to create stunning photos every weekend, where I had to take all I wanted to photograph either outside or in another room, just that the lighting was decent.

After a while, around Summer 2021, I wanted to start a new Account, where the focus was on me and my person, rather than books and the perfect light. I started posting in English (because I wanted to international), talking about self-care, my life and writing. But soon enough, things got difficult again:

I felt like I am only copying the style from other people, Influencers I look up to. Like trying to be a person I am not.

And again, my account got quiet, just posting the photos I really thought about, mostly without a caption, because I don't know what to say.

Since the start of my new semester at Uni, I've met many people with social media accounts, running either full Instagram or even a YouTube Channel. Posting Insta-Stories isn't anything unusual anymore, since everyone does that. I feel like it is accepted that you host an account somewhere on the internet (maybe that's just the Computer Science department's mentality).

Now, that I am back at a community where shooting videos and creating content is more "normal", I kinda feel the urge to create again. But not only am I kinda lost in this space, I also don’t know which language I should use. I read and write in German, my native language. But I feel more comfortable talking in English. So, for video content, I would say English is my go to, but maybe creating stuff again in German will attract the right people since my work is down in German…? What are your opinions on that? (desperate for your advice here! Not kidding!)

But, as already mentioned: I still don't have the best base to create photos at home and I am not that outgoing that I could take photos every weekend on some trip somewhere (even though I would love to do so!).

I already figured that creating a story is sometimes easier than creating a post, but still I don't know what to talk about on a regular basis. Like, my life isn't that interesting? I don't live in a fancy town. I don't go partying all weekend. I don't have friends to do funny stuff with.

I am just a normal girl, living a boring life in a town, where nothing happens. I write fantasy stories and work for uni all day. There isn't much to say about me. I am not interesting.

But maybe that's exactly what's interesting, I don't know.

Maybe, I just start and trust the process.

Done is better than perfect.

I always tell other people to just start and it'll work out in the end, but I never trust myself and the challenges that I have to face. I doubt myself, especially in the creative, outgoing part. I am great at doing stuff privately, but I cannot stay open and out-and-about with stuff. I tend to back away from yelling into the world, that I am here.

I reach for the stars, while pushing the sky further away.

Having an aesthetic eye is nice, but it can drag you down in stuff like that. Wishing for the perfect photo will not help me create a post. Wanting to photograph something does and sometimes, if you look closely enough, you will realise that even the 3.5 million subscriber accounts once started with crooked photos and wanky cameras.

I need to remind myself of that. And posting that one reel that is in my opinion absolutely horrible was one step in that direction.

We live in a world, where one cannot speak freely without having to be afraid of people getting wildly mad at them because they like something, they don't like or say something they don't like.

We live in a world, where the intelligent have to dumb themselves down, so that the dumb won't feel harassed.

And as someone, who is a people pleaser, I am deadly afraid of creating a mob out there, may it be on Instagram or Tumblr, because my world view might be a little different.

In the end, I don't know if I every gain many followers, many people who want to listen to my words. Normally, people don't do. And that's okay, even if it is a little discouraging for me to see people visit my blogs, have a look and then vanish again, never to be seen again.

I want to talk about what fuels me: writing, computer science, communities, coziness and slow living.

But I don't know how.

I don't know how on neither Instagram, nor Tumblr.

And that's also why I am on a semi-hiatus at the moment. Because I feel lost in this community, where I want to participate, want to create, but feel like in a glass box, able to look outside, but no one can come in.

If you have come this far, please leave a message in the comments or reblog this and let me know what you think about the bubble every person on the internet sits in.

What are your go to methods to drag you out of a slump on any social media app? When you don't know what to create? Even though you have a full list of ideas?

[viiinz]

personal vent in the tags, feel free to ignore

[blog-name-idk]

Everything Falls (Into Place) | 07

*Banner by the incredible @bangtansmauyeondan

Pairing: OT7 x Fem Reader

Genre: College!AU, Roommate!AU, Fluff, Humor, Smut

Summary: Your new roommates are unbearably nice and unbearably hot. Good thing you're an adult who is fully capable of platonic friendships with the opposite sex, right?

Word Count: 624

~~~~~

Jimin What movie are we watching for Festa night??

Hobi Nothing scary please 😥

Jungkook Be a man, hyung

You What is Festa night?

Jin Only the most wonderful time of the year! Namjoon, did you not tell her?

Namjoon Sorry [y/n], I can't believe I forgot We try to designate one weekend every semester to a full group hang Friday is dinner + movie night Saturday is boozy brunch + recovery Sunday is responsible stuff

You Huh, that's actually a really cute tradition. I hope you guys have fun!

Jungkook Do you already have plans this weekend?

You Not yet, but I can figure something out! Don't worry, I won't crash bro night

Yoongi you're invited dumbass

Jimin You're one of us now, silly!

You Aw you guys, I'm so happy to be an honorary bro <333 Jin, are you gonna cook? Do you want any help?

Jin I am blessed with a kind, beautiful, considerate wife-bro Guys, take note

Namjoon I can help!

Jin Thank you Namjoon You can help the most by staying out of my kitchen But I appreciate the consideration

You Wait, does Jin do all the cooking for Friday AND Saturday? That's kinda fucked up

Namjoon I could help…

Hobi Brunch is on the rest of us!

Jimin We're not THAT selfish :(

You Hey you can't blame me for assuming, it's not like anyone else ever cooks around here

Jin [Y/n] <3333333

Jungkook I can cook I just choose not to

Jin Wow

Yoongi let's be real, hobi and i make the food tae makes coffee and jimin and jk make mimosas and margaritas

Namjoon I want to help… Am I useless?

Jimin What?! No, of course not!

Jungkook Of course not hyung, there's a reason we call you our leader

Namjoon But you guys never let me do anything to help Do I really ruin everything?

Yoongi fuck guys we made namjoon sad

You Joon, I'm having problems starting my art history paper It's on the juxtaposition of traditional and postwar Japanese culture and how the dichotomy is still portrayed in contemporary art today I need you :(

Namjoon OMG I have the perfect reference book for you! Let me go find it!

You Oh! If it's not the photobook you showed me before, could you bring that too? … Namjoon?

Yoongi i think he's gone

Taehyung You didn't tell me you were taking an art history class!

You That's because I'm not

Hobi [Y/n], have we ever mentioned how much we love you? Because we love you soooo much <33333

You Not enough ;)

Taehyung We love you [y/n] <3

Jimin [Y/n] you're the best! <3

Jungkook [Y/n] you're almost as amazing as me <3

Jin [Y/n] you're almost as beautiful as me <3

Hobi Ahem, Yoongi-hyung

Yoongi … fine <3

You … I'll take it

Jungkook Yeah you will

You JEON JUNGKOOK! You did NOT just say that to me

Jimin Oooooo Kookie's in trouble

Taehyung Oh, we almost forgot the most important thing! [Y/n], do you own any pajamas?

You Uh, like sweatpants?

Jimin Rule 1 is that festa is a weekend-long pajama party They have to be legit pjs

You I love it, it sounds adorable I don't have any though :( If I even wear anything to sleep it's just like a shirt

Jungkook klojl

You ?

Jungkook I dropped my phone

Hobi You can borrow some of mine!

Taehyung Or mine!

Jin Back off ovules She's MY wife, she'll borrow mine I have the best selection, anyway

Jimin Hyung, she'll drown in your clothes You can borrow mine! You'll look perfect!

Jungkook Yeah bc you're the same size

Yoongi lmao

Jimin Jeon, let's take this offline

Taehyung RIP Kookie

~~~~~

Next | Masterlist

Tags: @singukieee

[buckys-other-punk]

Hold on..THIS IS YOU?!

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Request: where she is a fanfic writer and Sebastian stumbles upon her blog and messaged her as well not letting her know who he was but being an open person she is as to who she was, sending pictures and all, and until one day, decides to meet with her and she is surprised that it was the one she was writing for?

Word Count: 3.6K

Warnings: fluff, sarcasm (of course) and cussing? i think that’s all

A/N: Hello my lovelies. I am sorry I haven’t been posting as much, but that’s usually how I roll..no jk I legit had no time to write because of my classes this semester, so if this sucks I’m sorry lol. I’m still trying to get back into my writing groove...Also don’t mind my minor mistakes 😅

A/N 2: Anyways I AM BACK AND this is my first request ever!! I’m so excited to write this, I am soo sorry this took forever, but hope I did your request justice and that you like it (and so do others). I feel like I wrote this kinda cheesy, but whatever.

[Y/B/N = your blog name]

As always lemme know if you wanna be tagged in my future works and feedback is very much appreciated. Enjoy! <3

Just another normal day without stress and a less anxiety filled world...no, today was actually awful. You were swamped with work and your best friend was complaining about her boyfriend. Let’s just say that the stress she was having with him was making you feel happy that you were single. Trying to relax you heated up some coffee (a/n: or tea) and sat on the couch of your small apartment. Grabbing your laptop you wanted to unwind reading. Probably some fanfics on Tumblr usually does the trick. 

After reading some pretty good marvel related fics by your mutuals, you got inspired to write some fics yourself. Opening up a new tab you began writing about your favorite actor, Sebastian Stan. That man literally makes your miserable day a little better. Sadly, like all the girls and women who fantasize over him, he doesn’t know you. But, whatever right? You can always use your imagination and conjure up a make believe world where the two of you are happily engaged and have a German Shepard puppy named Stitch. Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you opened another tab on your laptop to pull up your writing playlist, you began typing away on your keyboard writing a new AU where you’re the celebrity of the world you were creating and he was a huge fan of you. After you finished your new fic, you posted that immediately without edits because you were so excited to see people read it.

*across town*

“Have you guys ever read any fanfiction about your characters or yourselves?” the interviewer asked the pair.

“You know I’ve seen a few that were quite impressive. These writers are damn creative.” Anthony replied with a smile. “I will also not lie. I’ve read a few steamy ones and y’all are dirty.” he added with a slight disgusted face shaking his head towards the camera.

“What about you Sebastian? Have you read any?” the interviewer lady asked, looking over to the man.

“Honestly. I haven’t.” Sebastian chuckled looking back at her. “Maybe, if Mackie here finds a good one about me I’ll give it a read.” shrugging towards his friend.

“Oh man, I got a few that are worth reading.” Mackie laughed, rubbing his hands together.

“Hey, might as well share them with the world. Let’s give that writer a shout out!” she exclaimed, placing her notecards on her lap.

“Well, like I’ve said I’ve only read a bit, but I do have some blogs that I’ve saved. Maybe next time I’ll name drop a few and give fans some well deserved praise.” Anthony smiled looking at the two.

“Alright, well you better have a huge list for me.” the lady said with a smile looking at Anthony. “Thank you both again for your time. For everyone watching Falcon and the Winter Soldier comes out in March 2021.” She finished off the interview smiling and waving at the camera and the two men followed her actions as well. Once the cameras and mics were turned off the lady came back to the two men.

“Thank you again guys for your time” the lady said to the pair shaking their hands (a/n: ok let's pretend there is no corona in this world so yeah. Everyone is healthy and so is the world!). The two replied with a simple you’re welcome and another thanks in return.

“Wait, have you really read fanfiction before?” Sebastian asked his co-star as the pair walked towards their manager, who was waiting for them outside the room, getting their schedule for the pair’s next interview.

“I mean yeah. I got curious on what people were writing about us and our characters.” Anthony responded with a shrug looking down at his phone.

“Aren’t most of those like fifty shades of grey?” Sebastian asked, staring at his friend as stood near their manager.

“Only if you want them to be..” Mackie stared at his friend with a blank face as they came to an abrupt stop. “Nah man, I’m just playing. Some of them are steamy, others can be sad, like crazy sad and some are like tooth rotting cute. Like I recently read one that was with Captain America and this original character that the author came up with and it made me say ‘aww’ when I finished it. Me. A grown man said ‘aww’ after reading a fanfic. A FANFIC!” he added. Their manager quickly explained their schedule and walked them over to their car to head off to the next location. The two were seated at the back, while their manager sat next to the driver.

“You know what. Send me that story you read.” Sebastian said to Anthony.

“Are you sure Seb?” Anthony asked with a chuckle.

“Yeah, why not.” he replied with a shrug. “Might as well read a good story before our next interview.”

“Alright let me send it to you right now. Honestly I think this writer is one of my favorites. I don’t know if it's her writing style or how she portrays our characters, but she’s amazing.” Mackie said with a smile getting the fic he recently read and sending it to his friend. 

“So all her stories are good?” Sebastian asked, looking at the notification.

“I just said that she is my favorite writer.” Anthony looked at his friend with a ‘are you serious face.’ 

“Okay. Okay.” Seb said with his arms up in defense. After a few minutes of reading the fanfic Sebastian actually said ‘aww’ aloud just like Mackie after he first read the story.

“It was good wasn’t it.” Anthony asked with a toothy grin.

“Yeah this was really good. Y/B/N is a pretty good writer.” Sebastian said looking through your feed.

“You should tell her!” Anthony exclaimed.

“What, like make an account?” Seb asked.

“Well yeah, but I mean not your actual name of course. Make a fan account. Show these writers your appreciation, I know that if I were an author I would love that (a/n: wink wink). I’ve messaged a few writers complimenting their work without actually telling them who I am.” Anthony said, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna read more stuff from her before I message her.” Sebastian chuckled. Sebastian clicked onto your main blog page to find that you had just posted a new fic about him. “Wait, dude she just posted a new story...About me!” Sebastian exclaimed, showing his phone to Anthony. 

“Nice, but we have to finish these interviews. You gotta read it during your free time man, sorry to crush your dreams.” he chuckled, unbuckling his seat belt and getting out of the car. Sebastian sighed and followed his co-stars actions getting out of the car and continuing the rest of his day filled with interviews.

*later that evening*

After the interviews Anthony and Sebastian had dinner together at a fancy restaurant. During their dinner they talked about how crazy some interviews were. Sebastian brought up the subject of how Mackie publicly announced that he had read fanfiction. With that still stuck in his mind the two finished their meal and after parting ways. Sebastian took a cab and arrived at his apartment, changed out of his fancy suit to some comfy clothes and grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge. He walked over to his couch turning on the tv, not really paying attention to what was playing, grabbing his phone he opened the tumblr app finally creating an account.

*one week later*

Sebastian has read almost all of your works and texting Anthony almost every time after he has finished a new fic giving his reactions to each. He has liked and reblogged everything he has read from you and other writers, but he favors your stuff the most.

Mackie: dude you should tell her you like her stuff and stop texting me!

Seb: Alright I will, I just don't know what to say.

Mackie: Just say you like her work. It's as simple as that.

Seb: okay okay I will

Mackie: ok good, no stop texting my its legit 2 am

Seb: fine

Sebastian opened up the messaging area of the app and began typing away his appreciation to you. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous after he pressed send. Getting out of the app completely he tried to focus on whatever was playing on the tv. Then all of a sudden he heard a notification go off and his phone light up. Looking down on it he saw that it was a notification from you. Again his nervousness took place as he unlocked his phone to read the notification. The app opened and the direct message filled his phone screen.

(a/n: this is my first time using a fake dm thingy so just imagine that Seb is following you)

Seb: Holy shit dude, she actually replied back to me!

Mackie: Well of course she did, she's not a robot. But maybe she is since she’s up so late...

Seb: shut up and why are you still up? I though you were mad at me for texting you

Mackie: well you woke me up so what am i supposed to do

Seb: whatever I’ll let you go

Mackie: alright. bye lover boy 

Sebastian shook his head at the text, he went back to the app to reply back to you. “What should I say?” he said to himself. “Maybe she’s in a different time zone or lives across the world or something… Okay okay. Maybe be chill and say I hope i didn’t wake you? No that sounds weird.” he shook his head trying to come up with something to say. Eventually he fell asleep trying to think of what to say to you.

*the next morning/later that day*

Sebastian woke up with his phone gone from his hand. He quickly got out of his bed in panic to look for it. Maybe you had said something to him or he had said something dumb to you. Once he found his phone he quickly unlocked it to check and thank god he didn’t say anything stupid. But he didn’t say anything. He shook his head clearing his thoughts. “Alright I think I know what to say.”

Y/N’s POV

You woke up to the sound of cars honking, groaning you looked at your clock. “How is it already 10 am?” you said aloud to nobody in particular. You sat up on your bed and grabbed your phone scrolling through various social media apps. At the top of your screen you saw a notification from tumblr. Opening the app to the notifications section, you noticed it was a blog that had messaged you from earlier in the morning.

sebstan_fan: Nice to meet you Y/N. I’m Carter. I don’t know where you live, but I just woke up and had a dream about one of your fics. (wow I hope that didn’t sound creepy)

You smiled at the message, since you loved interacting with your followers.

y/b/n: haha its ok. I actually live near New York City and I also woke up. What was your dream about? (if i can ask)

Sebastian’s POV

Sebastian had just finished taking a shower and began preparing his late breakfast. “Holy shit she replied again!” he said to himself looking at the message.

sebstan_fan: Wait, you live near NYC! Me too! Wow such a small world. But anyways my dream was honestly just a reenactment of your fic.

y/b/n: that’s so crazy how we live near each other lol. But that's so cool how you dreamt about my work. You must have really liked it.

sebstan_fan: yeah it was really interesting how you wrote such a life like scenario.

y/b/n: thank you Carter <3

sebstan_fan: ok I now this is random, but what’s your favorite place to eat in New York?

y/b/n: ooh that’s tough. Let’s go with Lombardi’s since its the very first pizza place to open in the US

sebstan_fan: oh wow an excellent choice :)

*a couple weeks later*

You and your new tumblr friend have been talking about one another’s favorite hobbies and interests for the past few weeks. You feel like you have grown a new connection with your new friend and telling them about your shitty days at work. Today your best friend wanted to bring you with her and her boyfriend to some fancy restaurant. 

y/b/n: Carter, I’m practically third wheeling with her and her boyfriend. 

sebstan_fan: well that sounds awful. Where is she taking you?

y/b/n: idk to some fancy restaurant I’ve never heard of. Anyways she’s making me wear fancy clothes, but I just wanna wear my pajamas!

sebstan_fan: y/n come on. you gotta dress nice if other people are dressing nice too 

y/b/n: ughh ok I think I found something nice. *sends picture of yourself in an elegant dress* what about this?

Seb’s POV

Sebastian got a glass of water and sat back down on his couch. Unlocking his phone to see the new dm from you he spit his water out of his mouth wetting the coffee table in front of him. “HOLY SHIT SHE’S GORGEOUS!” he yelled aloud staring at his phone in awe of your beauty.

sebstan_fan: Y/N, you look amazing! That dress is literally making you glow!

y/b/n: stop you’re making me blush..my friend just pulled up. I’ll dm you later once this stupid night is over. 

sebstan_fan: alright have fun 

y/b/n: <3

Sebastian quickly called Mackie to tell him that you sent him a photo of yourself. 

“Dude, she is unbelievably gorgeous. I actually spit my water out all over my coffee table when I saw the picture. ” Sebastian said on the phone.

“Man you are so obsessed with her, it's kinda creepy.” Anthony replied through the phone.

“What? No man, we just clicked. We have a bunch in common and she’s really easy to talk to.” Sebastian gushed to his friend.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that you’re lying to her about your real identity. You’re like fucking Superman with a secret persona!” Anthony snickered at the man on the other line.

“Dude no, but I’ll tell her eventually that I’m me.” Seb replied back to Anthony.

“Well you better do it soon because I’m tired of hearing about you gushing over this woman.” Anthony huffed under his breath. “Anyways I gotta go so bye bitch.” 

Sebastian laughed at his friend hanging up the phone and heading to his room getting ready for bed. As he laid on his bed he couldn’t take his mind off of you in that dress. You were so open with sharing your life to him, a complete stranger, yet he couldn’t do the same.

*the next day*

y/b/n: Carter! I forgot to dm you once I got home, but that dinner was terrible. I hated every minute of it.

sebstan_fan: what happened? Also good morning :)

y/b/n: good morning, sorry if I woke you. But anyways my best friend and her boyfriend brought some dude to make it a double date and the guy was a complete douche. I couldn’t stand a minute being there.

sebstan_fan: damn I’m sorry to hear that. I bet if I was there with you the night wouldn’t have been so bad haha

y/b/n: creepy..jk But I bet we would have completely ditched my friend and her boyfriend lol

sebstan_fan: wait, I got an idea! I mean since we live around the same area why don’t we meet!

y/b/n: what like in person?

sebstan_fan: no through zoom, yes in person!

y/b/n: wow the sarcasm in this one, but that sounds like a lovely idea. I feel like I already know so much about you tho...

Sebastian huffed under his breath, “not everything.”

sebstan_fan: lol yeah but it’ll be different to meet in person. Anyways where should we meet?

y/b/n: lol that’s true. Well I know this small cafe that’s so cute and I heard they have pretty good pastries. It would be awesome to meet there :D

sebstan_fan: alright how about Saturday afternoon? You don’t have work right?

y/b/n: nope I’m off! but that sounds good to me! I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. Like what if you’re some creepy stalker...

Sebstan_fan: why would you accuse me of such a thing?!

y/b/n: lol you know i’m just messing with you. But I gotta go my friend is now calling me, probably about that douche from last night...but I can’t wait to see you Carter!<3

“Yeah, me too.” Sebastian said to himself smiling.

*Saturday*

You sat at the cafe where you told your new tumblr friend to meet you. You ordered a drink and once it was finished, you grabbed it and sat near the windows saving a seat for Carter. As you waited you pulled out your laptop and began on typing away a new fic idea drawing inspiration from the small cafe and the gloomy weather outside. 

“I’m sorry that seat’s taken...” you muttered to a man who pulled out the chain next to you, looking up at the figure. “Holy shit!” you exclaimed to the man who sat next to you.

“Shhhh...Please don’t say anything.” Sebastian whispered to you, sitting on the chair next to you and taking off his sunglasses.

“What? But how? You’re!? I can’t breathe.” you exclaimed erratically looking down at your drink.

“Hey, hey Y/N, just calm down and take slow deep breaths.” he said calmly placing his hand on your back.

“How the fuck do you know my name?!” you exclaimed again staring wide eyed at the actor. “Am I getting pranked or something? Where are the cameras?!” you nervously laughed looking around the empty cafe.

“No, you’re not getting pranked. It’s me Carter…” he said quietly rubbing the back of his head.

“You’re Carter?! I thought you were a girl!” you said looking into the man’s blue eyes.

“I may have lied about who I was, but I wanted to meet you.” he started as he stared down at the ground. “I didn’t want you to freak out knowing that it was actually me.” he said looking back up at you.

“Let me just gather my thoughts for a sec.” you said, putting your hand to your temples.

“Wait, why did you assume I was a girl?” he asked with a smirk.

“I don’t know! Carter is a unisex name.” you frantically said with a shrug. “And I mean most of my followers are female, so I just assumed you were one too.” you added grabbing your drink and taking a sip to calm your nerves.

“That makes sense I guess.” he said chuckling, looking out the big window of the cafe.

“This is so crazy that you are here. Sitting next to me and talking about my stupid tumblr blog.” you uttered. “Like you’re famous!”

“Yeah so what.” he looked back to you. 

“I mean aren’t you busy filming and stuff?” you asked the man.

“Nope, we just wrapped up the interviews a couple of weeks ago. I’m on vacation.” he said with a toothy grin, which made you blush. “Aww look she’s blushing.” he said sweetly towards you.

“Shut up. It’s not like I get to meet my favorite actor who I’ve had a crush on since forever sitting next to me and casually conversing with.” you muttered quickly hoping he didn’t hear your profession of love for him.

“You got a crush on me?” he smiled at you.

“Fuck you. I do not!” you exclaimed looking away from him.

“Aww I think you do.” he said, nudging your shoulder.

“Whatever.” you said under your breath trying to hide your embarrassment.

“Hey, I’m in awe too.” he began, which made you look at him. “It’s not like I get to see a beautiful woman who I like.” he smirked at you.

“I think I’m dreaming. Did you just say you like me?!” you asked pinching yourself back into reality.

“I mean yeah. I really like your work as a writer and the past what month we’ve been talking I think you’re a really cool and sweet person.” he said now blushing. 

“I bet you say that to all the women you meet.” scoffing at his comment.

“No I’m serious Y/N. I think you’re a really talented writer. And I think you’re also really pretty.” again blushing, but this time he looked straight at you.

“Oh, wow. Thank you so much Sebastian.” you hesitated, your cheeks heating up. “That means a lot coming from you.” you smiled.

“Of course. And also I wanted to ask you in person if after coming clear about who I actually am, if you wanted to go out sometime. I know its weird and all sudden but-”

“Yes!” you exclaimed quickly cutting him off. “I mean. I would love to.” you said more calmly. “God, I’m trying so hard to keep my inner fangirl in.” you huffed under your breath. 

Sebastian laughed at your comment and then asked, “Alright then. What about tomorrow I take you out for dinner?” 

“That sounds delightful.” you smiled at the man. The two of you fell silent watching the people who passed by the small cafe.

“Oh, but can I ask you one more question? Why are you wearing a hat? And shades earlier? It's legit rainy and cloudy as hell outside.” you asked, looking at the man with your head resting on your hand.

“I’m going incognito. I don’t want my fans to recognize me.” he replied, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Are you embarrassed of them seeing you with me?” you hesitantly interrogated.

“No, I just don't want them to interrupt our first date.” he responded with a smirk looking at you.

“Wait, this is a date?!” you exclaimed with wide eyes.

“Only if you want it to be sweetheart.” Sebastian smirked, winking towards you.

“Fuck you.” You said with a smile.

A/N: Yay you finished! Was that good? bad? cheesy? lemme know lol Again if you wanna be tagged in future fics, have any requests or just wanna chat hit me up! Thank you guys for reading and I hope you get excited for more stuff to come.

Tags: @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @sebtheromanianprince​ @aquabrie @who-the-hell-is-sebastianstan​ @princess76179​ @anbrax5553​ @wintersoldierissucharide @caplanbuckybarnes​ @miraclesoflove​ @kitkatd7 @msgreenverse @saiyanprincessswanie​ @fandomsandxfiles @hailmary-yramliah @coffeebooksandfandom​ @thefallenbibliophilequote

^please lemme know if you wanna be added to future works or removed for tags^

[aquariusshadow]

Live!Blogging HSMTMTS s2x6

okay fiiiiiiiiinally ive been waiting all day to watch this.

so from what i've seen...i'm tentatively predicting that my new main ships will be portwell and ricky/therapy

lesssss goooooo

--

not if you liked them back kourt *wink wink* then its hard for you to see if they like you

oh north high again

i keep forgetting about this storyline

'village idiot'

idk why that made me laugh im sorry

omg imagine a legit group chat with seb and ej tho

someone write a chatfic about this please

portwell sitting next to eachother hehehe

'friendship' *gina looks at ricky* oh boy

asdlfjalhsdfjasdf

"im waiting for a sign" *camera pans to the exit sign*

so everyone that predicted the rose getting a song yall deserve your money's worth

ricky you fought for her to get in the show yet you cant let nini focus on her song for the show

wtf

i need to back this up

ive never done this before actually backing up an episode during a liveblog

"i can't believe you're finally back in the show yet you're spending saturday without me"

RICKY

SIR

MR SIR

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

she needs to focus

you need to focus

so miss jenn and ricky's dad are finally going on a date

aight

big red and nini convooooooo yesss

i do like kourt and howie's banter

JHLDJAFHLDSJFSDVBXMNSLDHLA

ricky: hey G

gina: *ignores*

ej: *smooth* may i have this exercise

see ricky you cant expect gina to always be there when you treat her the way you have been

poor carlos

hah remember what i said at the beginning of this? thats all i gotta say hehe with kourt and howie

............did

did ricky

spam her literal paragraphs of text

when she has told him she needs to focus

and ricky's freaking out over nini not liking hawaiian pizza

........

this is the type of clinginess that really does turn me off

especially back in highschool

ricky honey you really need some help

man poor ashlynn

ashlynn is going to kill it as belle because she's gonna be sooooooo genuine whereas im sure lily's gonna come off as very superficial in the part

look at ej's concerned expression when gina's struggling in the exercise

the one thing i do like about miss jenn's date so far is i think this is a nice way of getting to know both of the characters more

awwwww the date went well

RICKY

WHAT

SIR

i mean that was kinda funny ngl

BUT

oooooooooooo thats a great answer ej

"i'd ask him if he'd ever love anyone after belle"

but...did gaston ever truly love belle tho

ricky :(

he really doesnt like change does he

im glad the show is trying to address this

awwwww the gina and ashlynn heart to heart

i do love their friendship

omg she confessed her feelings for ricky

she actually did it

this entire time

he knew

and he still

this entireeeeeee tiiiiiiiime

the only excuse he has is that somehow he got it in his mind that he either thought gina moved on from him or ricky interpreted gina's confession as a friendship thing

but still

good lord ricky you need to calm it with the clingy

even nini isnt feelin it

.............

meanwhile lily is still spying

interesting i thought kourt was a gryffindor--although i can see her being a gryffindor/hufflepuff combo hehe

but ravenclaw works too!!!

yessssss ashlynn sing your heart out

and this is why she's going to be an amazing belle

i hate seeing gina in this much pain

yea kourt you be honest!!!

i love herrrrrr

howie drumrolled before her confession

thats really cute

hahaha

i love straightforward stuff like this

the harry potter geekiness <3

i really hope ricky's dad realizes somethings off now since he and miss jenn ended things because of ricky

aight nini lets hear the rose song

so........basically everything i said and thought about rini as a relationship

nini's song confirms it

confirm what a lot of people have been saying about rini

also this song is amazing <3

WE LOVE NINI DECIDING TO LIVE FOR HERSELF

olivia's soprano range <3

yea rip rini next episode

--

Alright, so. I ship Ricky with Therapy (Rickerapy) and Gina with Happiness (Hapina). That’s my final stance for a while. I’m very curious on where they take Portwell. If Rina’s gonna happen then...I’m honestly not sure how I feel about it? Like I still enjoy the idea of Rina, and it’ll be a lot better than Rini (I think) but...no guy is worth that much pain and heartache Gina’s dealing with. 

I guess if Ricky ends up working through his fear of change, learns better communication skills, and accepts/confronts his own feelings a lot better and treats Gina like the amazing person she is and makes it up to her then maaaaaaaaaaybe I’ll be on board with Rina in the end.

But yea, I’m definitely vibing more with Portwell rn.

Also, Nini deciding to live for herself. It’s such a good peak for her arc this semester I’m pretty happy.

Finally, while I’m giving Ricky a lot of shit, as I said in my previous live!blog--I still like his character and everything is very consistent with what we’ve seen from season 1. If anything, I’m really excited to see his arc come to a head and what comes after!

(someone plz write a seb and ej friendship chat!fic)

[lexa-kom-skaikru]

Can you give some hosie fics recommendations ? 🥰🥰🥰

These are some of my current favorites. I won’t post more rn because I need to organize my AO3 history so I can do this properly. I will eventually do a post with a bunch of recommendations but these are a good start.

can you blame me for wanting a little bit more? by avengerskye (in progress)

Summary: Soul marks are one of those rare things that barely never happens in the supernatural world anymore. They appear when the soulmates are 16, and it takes the form of their soulmate’s name in their handwriting.

Hope finds the beautiful letters of Josie’s name tattooed on her skin the morning of her 16th birthday and she kinda freaks out.

Opinion: From someone who doesn’t like Soulmate AUs, I am freaking in love with this fic. Honestly, anything by this author is amazing.

it’s a date (the only problem is it’s fake) by avengerskye (completed)

Summary: After Landon breaks up with Hope, she’s left heartbroken and with her pride deeply wounded. So Hope’s best friend comes up with a plan to make Landon jealous and show him what he lost.

Opinion: This is a good ol’ slowburn. It’s an AU but doesn’t feel like an AU if that makes any sense lol This is the last of this author that I’m gonna mention because if I listed everything this post would just be even bigger. So, just go to the authors page and just go through their fics and I’ll guarantee you will get a good read.

I Want You to Want Me by Strutter654 (in progress)

Summary: It was at that moment that Hope’s brain had a thought: If Josie Saltzman didn’t remember that she had a crush on Hope, then Hope would make her remember. Not by bringing back everybody’s memories, no, she didn’t even know if that was possible, but by making her crush all over again, and as soon as she thought it, she knew it was a terrible idea.

Opinion: The reasoning behind Hope’s actions confused me a bit in the beginning lol but it’s such an amazing and entertaining fic that I still really love it and get excited for new updates.

Maybe, Someday by DAgron01 (completed)

Summary: Hope figures she owes it to her father to find some peace for both of them. But first, she feels compelled to help Josie find hers. Because that’s what it means to be a good friend, right?

or

The one where Josie was never just Hope’s friend, it just takes Hope a while to realize it.

Opinion: This is the fic that had me awake till 7am lol I am still reading it, only in chapter 3 because it’s really long and so far it’s really amazing - not just as a Hosie shipper but it’s great for some Hope BrOTPs too.

The Consequences of an Impending Curse by BloodDrinker1864 (completed)

Summary: As the days tick by Josie knows that her only way out of merging with her sister is to become a vampire, so she enlists the help of Hope to help her turn.

Opinion: Still haven’t finished this one but it’s intense. If you want all the feels, this is a good fic for you.

the more things change (the more they stay the same) by dandelionlighters (in progress)

Summary: “Our project for this semester will be dealing with desiderio potum, otherwise known as the desire drink. However, you guys might more commonly recognize it as the supernatural world’s love potion.”Dorian removes the thin material covering the flask that you noticed earlier, and the entire class sits up straighter. The aroma you’ve been smelling since you walked into the room is more prominent now, and you can’t help the inhale that escapes you. A unique scent of a mixture of vanilla, cinnamon rolls, and green tea fills your nostrils, causing you to breathe deeply again.Josie shifts in the seat next to you—your supernatural hearing automatically adjusting to discern her breathing pattern. It’s somewhat normal, and combined with her radiating magic and body heat you feel oddly hot. Your hand trembles underneath the desk, and the heart convulsing beneath your chest quivers with a quickness you can’t explain.

Opinion: Legit a Top 3 for me. This one is a must read. I love it so much.

If I Get My Way by acchica2527 (completed)

Summary: Set at the end of ep 1x06 / inspiration from the Little Mix song “If I Get My Way”

Josie can’t fall asleep after all of the events of their birthday, Hope can’t stop thinking about how they could have lost Josie.

Hope’s there when Josie needs a shoulder to cry on but Hope wants to be more than that for her.

Opinion: A goof mash of angsty feelings and cuteness overload.

Fic recommendations PART 2

[stargirlfics]

I just started my fall semester at my college. Do you have any tips for studying? Especially with learning a new language, one of my classes is spanish I. Thank you! 💕

Hey that’s great!! Good luck this semester!

So being in college for a minute now I’ve kinda figured out what works for me and I’m a big notecards/flashcards person so definitely invest in packs of those things if that’s how you study, I prefer to write them out but Quizlet and online flashcards also help tremendously and save you time too

For studying I think it’s best time give yourself maybe an hour at the most studying one thing or divide it up 30 minutes on one subject and another 30 on another and then take a short break and come back to it, I tend to want to go like a few hours studying and I find it’s harder to stay concentrated without breaks in between

With learning a new language I think the best thing is trying to practice speaking it out loud as much as you can and listening to audiobooks or watching movies and things in that language just to train your ear to it and pick up words that way and of course just practicing writing and all that too, be patient with yourself cause you’re learning something new and that isn’t always easy but you’ll get there!

Maybe try and build a schedule for when exactly you study and I find it helpful to set alarms on my phone to remind me otherwise I’ll legit forget and put it off to the last minute even and you can spread it out across a week or however much time you have so you’re not having to cram a bunch of concepts or subjects into one or two days you know

If you have lectures I also recommend recording them on your phone or something like that cause depending on if your a more visual learner or not hearing what your professor is saying or having that to playback can help you retain more stuff

And for me I find taking notes helps too, I won’t copy down everything but I try and jot down things the prof is saying that may be important or a quick version of anything they have up on the board, things like that!

Study groups can also help but I’m someone who likes to have time by myself in my room with some quiet music to study rather than in a group setting

So I hope some of these help!! 🥰

[etherealwaifgoddess]

But Then Came You - Chpt.1

Summary: Loki tries to plan his next moves after being dropped off in a post Decimation New York City. Master list can be found HERE.

Content Warnings: A sassy reader not afraid to call Loki out on his bullshit

Word Count: 3.2k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! The first chapter is here! Woo. I know I said 6pm but I literally have no chill when it comes to this fic. There’s no long build up in this one, just straight to our main characters meeting. I hope you enjoy! Chapters will be posted daily. XOXO - Ash

Chapter One

New York is a shell of the bustling metropolis it once was. Loki wanders the half filled streets quietly planning his next move, still unsure of what to do. The Eluskans had been kind enough to drop him off on Earth since he had nowhere else to go. The fall of Asgard still weighed heavily on his mind, his home planet which thrived for millennia gone in a fiery apocalypse. He had been given a few thousand dollars of US currency and a change of clothes to help get him on his way. They really were the kindest people. Loki had to perpetually bite his tongue so as not to lash out at them for trying to help. It wasn’t their fault they didn’t understand what they had done in bringing him back. Their intentions were good but it doesn’t erase the dreams and memories that have haunted Loki since his resurrection. 

The city feels empty in the wake of The Decimation. It had taken Loki a full day of walking through the abandoned neighborhoods to fully understand what had occurred on Earth over the past few weeks. New York was doing what it did best though; the communities were rallying round each other, helping support those displaced by the loss of family and friends. 

The summer heat wears on Loki and he starts looking for somewhere he can cool off for a bit. He’s hesitant to use his seidr to relieve himself of the heat as it’s been spotty at best since he was brought back. The healers advised it would take some time to return to its former strength after all he’d been through. They had encouraged him to practice with it daily to help strengthen it, like one would do for a weakened muscle. Loki wants little to do with his seidr however. It was the reason they had found his body, the incessant little spark that refused to die, and had also led to his resurrection.

The cafe is empty except for the two baristas who are deep in conversation when Loki enters. He’s running on three days of no sleep and needs the small relief caffeine will bring. The icy blast of air conditioning is helping his fatigue as well and Loki hopes he will be able to linger with his drink for a while without disturbing anyone. 

“What can I get you?” The overly cheerful blonde barista asks him. Her name tag reads “Sunny” and Loki almost chuckles at how appropriate that is.

“Espresso, please. A quad shot.” Loki requests. 

“Anything else?”

“No, that will be all.”

“Name for the cup?”

“Loki” 

Your head snaps up at the name. It’s too rare to be anyone else. “Holy forking shirtballs you’re him! I mean, you’re… you.” You blurt out at an embarrassingly loud volume. 

Loki stares at you like you’ve sprouted six heads. “I beg your pardon?” His tone is almost offended, but mostly baffled by your outburst.

“Sorry, I binge-watched The Good Place on Netflix last weekend. And I didn’t mean to call you out like that, I just… know of you. Never expected to meet you face to face like this though.” 

“The Good Place? Netflix?” Loki is still lost, now bordering on irritated. You speak in the hurried way he’s come to associate with youth, your gestures animated as you talk. If he can’t be served his drink here he’ll have to trudge along for who knows how long until he can find another cafe or, Norns forbid, a Starbucks. 

“It’s a show. And you know, Netflix. The streaming service?”

Loki stares blankly at you.

You’re certain your face is the same shade as a tomato as you continue to flounder for words around him. “Or I guess you probably don’t know. I’m sorry. You know that filter most people have between their brains and their mouths? I don’t have one of those. So I’m gonna go get your espresso and leave you alone now. Sorry, again, really.” You slink away to the espresso bar and start queuing up his shots, praying that the ground will just open up and swallow you whole so you don’t have to face Loki again. 

Sunny gives Loki a grin and a half shrug, “You’ll have to forgive Y/N. I wish I could say she’s not normally quite that awkward but she totally is. She means well, you just got her a little starstruck.” 

“Starstruck?” Loki raises an eyebrow at Sunny in disbelief. 

“Yeah, totally.” Sunny nods enthusiastically, “You’re a literal god. Who wouldn’t be?” 

“It’s not the reaction I get from most Midgardians.” He confesses. 

“Oh right, because of the whole ‘trying to take over New York’ thing.” 

Loki nods at her assumption.

“You don’t have to worry about that with us.” Sunny assures him, “Matter of fact, Y/N did a whole paper on it our first year at Columbia. I think she did it just to piss off our psych professor but it was some of her best work. She argued that it was proof anyone can be peer pressured into anything.”

“Peer pressure?!” Loki sputters incredulously. 

“Well, yeah. I mean, Y/N can explain it better, but basically she drew parallels between Thanos preying on your weaknesses, ie. your desire to rule somewhere, and getting you to do his dirty work for him, to a bully preying on a weaker kid’s insecurities and pressuring them into doing something bad.” 

Loki scowls over at your back, displeased to have a deeply traumatic event reduced to something so simplistic. “I don’t think it was quite that simple.” Loki grumbles. 

You hear his grumble, unable to ignore the conversation going on behind your back. “It kinda was though.” You mutter beneath your breath. Or at least, you meant for it to be under your breath. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N, was it?” Loki’s tone is bordering on venomous. “Please, come tell me how you know better about a part of my life than I do.” 

The blush that had started to recede flares up again and you force yourself to remain calm and steady as you finish pouring the espresso and turn to face Loki. You spent a whole semester working on that paper and stand by your conclusion. Like hell were you going down without a good fight. “I’m not saying I know your life better than you do.” You clarify, “But I do think the whole ‘Battle of New York’ business is a prime example of peer pressure.” 

Loki’s eyes widen, he’s surprised you’re standing by your preposterous notion even with him glaring daggers at you. “Do I look like an emotionally fragile child to you?” He demands.

“No, but that’s the point. It can happen to anyone. Maybe I’m wrong, but let’s get a few things straight first.” Your brain has gone into investigator mode and you’re in your element now. Loki waives a hand dismissively letting you continue, “Who sought out who? Did you go looking for Thanos or did he find you?”

“He found me.” Loki replies evenly.

“Before you met Thanos had you ever considered attacking New York?”

“No.” 

“Would you have tried attacking New York or any other place by yourself?”

“Well, no. But…”

“Nope. No buts, mister.” You ignore his scowl, you’re on a roll. Excitement is thrumming through your veins, his answers lining up just the way you want them to. “And how did Thanos convince you to try? Did he by chance remind you of all the awful things your adoptive family did to you? Hiding your heritage, denying you of your rightful throne?” 

“It was common knowledge.” 

“Mhmm. And he offered you a place to rule. You only had to help him with one simple, little thing. You knew your brother favored Earth, right?”

“He is overly fond of this planet, yes.”

“And Thanos probably hinted that you’d be ruling the place that was special to your brother. The brother that was given the throne that should have been yours.” 

“Thor and I have reconciled since…”

“But not six years ago you hadn’t.” You shot Loki a cocky grin, you had him right where you wanted him. “So let’s recap, shall we? A more powerful person reached out to you, reminded you of the alienation of those closest to you, played up your supposed right to rule, offered you a chance to do so, and get back at your brother in the process. He offered you everything you could possibly want and the means to get it. Despite the means being wrong and you knowing they were wrong. Sounds like a bully and peer pressure to me.” 

Loki scowled harder to suppress the smirk that was trying to upturn his lips. You had impressed him more in five minutes than anyone else had in five hundred years. “Insightful little Midgardian. I don’t agree with your theory but you clearly put a lot of thought behind it.” 

“I did, thanks. But how are you here? The news said you died in transit to Earth from Asgard. Not like you haven’t fake died before, but still. It seemed pretty legit this time.” 

“The news was correct, I did die. And now I’m here. Waiting on that espresso you’re holding.”

You look down at the steaming cup in your hand, “Oh, right. Sorry. Here you go.” You pass the drink to him and his surprisingly cold fingers brush faintly over yours making goose bumps prickle along your arm. “So, what are you doing here in New York? Other than getting a caffeine fix?” 

Loki takes a sip of his coffee, sighing softly in relief before replying. “I’m not sure yet.” 

You give him a half smile and a shrug, “Well, enjoy your drink.” 

“I will.” Loki nods and moves off to the table in the far corner by the window. 

You turn your back on Loki to face Sunny, eyes wide, your face splitting into a grin. You mouth oh my god to her dramatically and she stifles a giggle. Loki is only across the room and you’re not too keen on making a fool out of yourself again in front of him. Unsure of how long he plans to stay, you busy yourself cleaning the espresso machine to pass the time. You’ll have a lifetime of gossiping with Sunny once he leaves.

Loki sits quietly watching people pass while he drinks his espresso. The dark brew hits his system like a gut-punch and he can feel the drowsiness retreating a little. It’s enough to keep him going a bit longer and that’s all he can ask for at this point. He knows he will need to sleep at some point soon, god or not he’s still flesh and bone. Sunlight hits the curly golden brown hair of a woman across the street and images of his mother blossom in his mind unbidden. The ache in his chest threatens to double him over but he steels himself, clenching the cup in his hand as hard as he dares without crushing it. 

Your eyes keep wandering back to Loki who’s transfixed looking out the cafe window. You try to keep busy but it’s difficult with him so near by. You’d seen many pictures of him and learned so much while working on your paper; it’s no surprise he’s attractive but you had clearly underestimated how attractive he is in person. You notice the second Loki sees something upsetting, the way his eyes darken and his face takes on a haunted expression. You give up pretending you’re unaffected by his presence and head across the room, settling down in the chair opposite him at the table. “You okay?” You ask him softly.

Loki’s eyes remain staring outside and you wonder for a moment if he’d heard you. “I’m fine.” He says finally. 

“I doubt that.” 

Loki’s reply is a perturbed frown in your direction.

“Look, I don’t expect you to talk to me. But I’m guessing some shit went down or else you wouldn’t be sitting here sipping espresso and looking like you’re about to pass out.”

“Some shit indeed.” He bites out deprecatingly. 

“Do you at least have a place to stay?”

“I’ll find one easy enough.” 

“Not right now you won’t. It’s move in weekend for the colleges around here. Plus all the people displaced by The Decimation. There won’t be a free hotel room in the city until at least  next week.” 

Loki curses internally. He can’t just wander around aimlessly until he passes out somewhere like a homeless person. Showing up at SHIELD’s front door asking for a room isn’t an option either, he’s still persona non grata with the organization. He doesn’t think they’re still actively hunting for him though. Loki had been told Thor was unavailable when he’d tried to reach out the day he arrived on Earth and he didn’t push, mostly out of fear of rejection. He’s momentarily consumed with agony and anguish again, thinking of his brother and his current aimlessness in this changed world. This is what he had been brought back into, a painful, useless existence. 

You watch him struggling internally and you can’t just sit idly by. “If you need a place to crash, Sunny and I live a few blocks over with our friend Chelsi. We had another roommate but she graduated and we haven’t found a new one yet. You’d have a bed and a safe place to stay until you find somewhere else to go.” 

Loki looks at you then, meeting your eyes and it makes your breath catch in your throat. He makes a hum sound that isn’t a no and it spurs you on. “I know I’m a stranger but you probably don’t have many friends in the city and I really just want to help. Take your time deciding, we have books over there to be borrowed if you want to just hang out and read for a bit. My shift ends in two hours and….”

Loki cuts you off with a wave of his hand. “Stop talking for a minute, will you.” He knows he’s in a tough spot and you have managed to both intrigue and amuse him in the short time since he met you. It’s entirely possible you’re being genuine and want to help but you could also be an assassin. He can't be too careful and he has to be certain. Taking your hands in his, he stares into your eyes and lets his seidr flow through him into you. You feel a sight rush, like when you stand up too fast and your blood pressure drops, and you hold on tightly to his cold hands. Loki searches quickly through your memories and thoughts, digging deep down to the core of your being until he’s satisfied he’s seen enough. There are things buried deep he knows you probably won’t appreciate him seeing but he can be discreet. 

Loki holds on to your hands just a moment longer than he needs to, letting your memories wash over him. You at five, running around the playground with your friends and inviting a sad looking little blonde girl to join you. You at ten, laying outside in the dark with the same little blonde girl looking much happier as you study the stars. You and the girl, recognizable as Sunny now, at fifteen when your parents died and you move your things into the guest room next to hers. You at twenty, moving into your first real apartment off campus, excited and terrified all at once. Hundreds of other memories flutter by as well, blurring together to make up your lifetime. School days and old friends, boyfriends and a few bad breakups, vacations and quiet moments spent at home. Loki is soothed by the simple ordinary memories distracting him from his own past. Regretfully he pulls his hands back, breaking the spell of the moment. 

“What did you do?” You ask in a hushed tone. You aren’t angry, just curious.

Loki swallows hard, relieved you have forgiven his intrusion. “I had to be sure you weren’t a threat.”

“You could have just asked.” You point out. 

“And you could have lied.” 

“Touché. So, what did you find?”

“Nothing of concern. I’ll take that room you offered.” 

You’re pleased he’s agreed to come home with you, hoping that you might get to know him a little while he’s there. “Okay.” You agree, unable to hold back your excited smile. “I’ll text Chelsi and give her a heads up. Sunny heard us for sure but,” you raise your voice pointedly, “she’s too damn polite to admit she was listening while she pretends to wipe down a perfectly clean counter top!” 

Sunny laughs and throws the rag down. “Mi casa es su casa, Loki.” She calls back. 

“Thank you, Sunny.” Loki calls back with an indulgent smile. He can’t help but be slightly amused by the pair of you. You’re both so young, the cheery optimism of youth still clinging to you and it's a breath of fresh air to him. He doesn’t look much older than you but he’s pushing 1,500 and after all that he’s been through he feels every single year of his age. 

“Grab a book or play on your phone or whatever until my shift is over if you want. Alex will be in at five so we can head home.” You tell him as you stand up and head back to the barista bar with Sunny. 

Loki wanders over to the bookshelf and pulls down a copy of the first book that catches his eye. Settling into a padded, dark blue velvet chair by the bookshelf, Loki loses himself in the book. He almost doesn’t hear you coming hours later when you stop over with a steaming mug of something topped with foam and sprinkled with cinnamon. “I figured you probably shouldn’t risk more espresso, god or not.” you tell him. 

“What is this?” Loki asks, accepting the warm cup from you.

“Chai tea latte. I don’t know what you like but this felt like it might be a good fit.”

“And why is that?” Loki takes a sip and waits for you to speak before he passes judgement on the taste.

You feel your cheeks heating. You won’t dare tell him your thought process in choosing the drink. Spicy but sweet, complex, an acquired taste, just like the god sitting in front of you. You swallow past the lump of nerves in your throat, “Just a guess, I guess.” 

Loki doesn’t believe your simple answer for a minute but he doesn’t push. “Well you guessed correctly. It’s good.” Loki takes a longer sip, enjoying the rush of sugar across his tongue. He would never admit to something as undignified as having a sweet tooth, but he will admit to himself that he’s enjoying the drink more than anything else he’s had since arriving back on Earth. 

“I’m glad.” you say over your shoulder, walking away to help a new customer who just walked in. 

Loki hums in appreciation, letting himself have just a few more decadent sips before his self control kicks in and he sets the cup just slightly out of reach on the table next to him.

[jwnbwnjwn]

Entry 8 (12.20.2020)

 Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted an entry on here. My last one was back in September, and man a lot has happened since. First off, My sleeping schedule has been messed up for the past couple of days, and in a bit I’ll get to why. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it in any of the last posts but, if I didn’t then my goal for the last couple of months has been to get on a (keto) diet and lose some weight, and I’m here to tell you I still haven’t, I haven’t even stuck to a diet for that matter. The only diet I’ve had has consisted of take out and midnight snacks. Anyways, now let’s get down to business. I went ahead and read my latest blog post before this and I laughed at the fact that I said I was starting a diet, yeah that never happened. Im happily at 160 lbs at the moment (not really happy about it but oh well). 

I mean covid-19 is still going on, its kinda spiking then calming down, spiking again, and its just this whole repeating situation. Everyone's still wearing and masks and doing everything to be safe, although I think my towns cases are starting to go down. It is around Christmas time so they’re starting to decorate everything, all the parks and stuff; so hopefully that doesn't spike the numbers up again. When going out though I still have to be careful, I can’t catch covid and give it to my loved ones, and I would rather not make history and get sick. 

I guess I should start here. I wish my life was still the same as it was during my last entry. I really do. I wouldn’t have known what I do now and I would’ve just been at peace, happily living my life and struggling with school. I ended up getting a D in that biology course, and dropping that math and history course. Yeah, it was a pretty shitty school year tbh. I’ve never been that lazy and unmotivated when it comes to school but man, this fall year really took a toll on me because I legit did nothing all year. In result of it, my gpa went to absolute shit and down to a 2.8. I now gotta make that up during the summer and try to get it as high as i possibly can. I just finished my second fall semester so I’ve been on Christmas break for about a week now, but honestly this break feels so lazy and gross. I am reading my last entry to see what I can catch everyone up on, as things have changed drastically. I mean my friendships are still fine, I still keep in contact with seatbelt and ice and maria. I keep in contact with them almost daily honestly. About my relationship, thats where I wish things were the way they were three months ago. Without going over too much detail, a girl reached out to me and let me know her boyfriend and Mr. were trading girls nudes again. Honestly hearing this a second time broke my heart, but I really didnt have much of a reaction to it. It hurts every here and there, but I guess im forcing myself to open my heart and forgive and forget so I can go ahead and move on already. Mr. and I are in a certain situation trying to avoid law enf*rc*m*nt so things have been kind of hard recently. He’s been seeing me many times this week just because of the fear itself that one day might be his last time to see me, but I think things are starting to cool down with our/his situation, so hopefully he’s not walking on eggshells too longer, because seeing him worried makes me worried and vice versa. He’s looking into going to therapy and having a closer relationship between him and god, in order to get rid of his old ways and make himself into the better person he needs to become. I can’t really get into details about the situation on here as it legit would be the most dumbest thing I could possibly do, but in result of getting closure about it, he told me he was planning on purposing in the near future, like before 2021 is over - but then he had to go fuck it up and put that on hold. After talking about it we’re going to have to attend counseling once again, but in hopes of fixing our relationship and getting closer again. I love him a lot, I do, but man he is one dumb ass person. I really hope and pray he gets his stuff together, because I really do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean, I guess we’re kind of in an awkward part in our relationship, but its honestly because of the situation we’re in, so we just have to work through this and rebuild the trust he ruined. I know he’s going to be going to individual counseling for sure, but I have a feeling that’s just going to turn into couples counseling the way it happened the first time. I hope I can get myself to go into counseling for myself as well, because man, I really do want to work through these issues I have deep down inside of me, but I can’t find the courage I need at the moment - maybe after all of this is done I will. Mr.’s dad is still really sick, but im still praying to god and the heavens above he gets better. I’ve been talking to my dad a lot and my relationship has been improving, while my moms and I’s is kind of going backwards slowly. About those two discord friends, I dont know why I put “crunch” as one of them. I forgot what his first nickname was, but I know it wasn crunch. I mean his name is cesar, so i guess i got mixed up lol but yeah i’m not friends with c*sar and shr*mp anymore. I mean I got really close with him, and I did consider im an important person in my life, until one day I logged onto Discord to see he kicked me out of the server and blocked me, which eventually resulted in everyone from the server blocking me and deleting me off roblox so, I pretty much had no say in it. There wasn't even a reason TO block me, I legit just logged on randomly and was blocked. Although I found out through someone else who was also in the server before he himself blocked me that apparently I was jealous of shr*mp and I guess calling c*sar manipulative got him upset and thinking so he blocked me lmao. Anyways, because of this I dont really play Roblox that often anymore, but instead I watch anime now. Currently waiting on AOT’s new episode releasing today so, thats something exciting to look forward to. I cant wait for christmas just so i can see the look on my siblings face when they see what I got them lol. I also got Mr. a chain bracelet, so I hope he likes it and actally wears it. There’s not really much else except being on eggshells with Mr. and wasting my life away. I’ll keep you guys updated. I’ll try to post on here more often.

Ended this at 12.20.2020 at 8:27 AM

-jen

[superbatson]

tagged by @chestnutblondehead

Rules: Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. Don’t cheat. Tag some people.

roswell, new mexico

zoey's extraordinary playlist

the witcher

the healing powers of dude

high school musical: the musical: the series

Who is your favorite character in 2?

i feel like i gotta say leif bc he's my icon and i love mtg A Lot. and it wouldn't be wrong, i definitely think leif is my favorite from the show. but i do love zoey too, i have to admit. she's a very close second. (and she would be #1 if i didn't love hot villains so much, lol)

Who is your least favorite character in 1?

can i say isobel? i feel bad saying isobel but i guess with all the possession stuff in s1, i just felt i couldn't like her, especially before we found out about the possession stuff and i thought it was a dual personality thing. i haven't started s2 so maybe she'll grow on me in those eps.

What is your favorite episode of 4?

ughhhh they all really blur together. i mean, not in a bad way, but they were really so closely tied to one another - i guess episode 5, "middle school musical". it was sweet seeing noah and simon supporting amara, and i felt it was a good episode to represent disabled people. i mean, it really shined a light on the way society treats them, and it ended up with said disabled lead amara finally getting her time to shine. who knew she could sing so well?

What is your favorite season of 5?

it's only got the one so far, lol. so i guess i have to say that's my favorite for now, but it probably won't be for long with s2 focusing on a production of batb

Who is your favorite couple in 3?

they're not canon (yet) but geralt/jaskier. obviously. let the bard be gay for the hot monster killer!

Who is your favorite couple in 2?

can i just say leif/tobin to avoid any sort of controversy? so... leif/tobin. (the coder boyfriends!)

Who is your favorite actor in 4?

jace chapman is an excellent child actor. he particularly shines in the scenes where noah is experiencing intense anxiety. they're so similar to how i feel/act/think when i'm anxious, so i was really able to see myself in the character. i have to say, i do love larisa oleynik and tom everett scott too as noah's parents. they're fun, cute, and dorky without seeming incompetent and they really do have noah's best interest at heart. it was really sweet to see and i almost wish they could be my parents, lol. (though i also think they're pretty as hell so that probably wouldn't work out for me, haha)

Which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

apples and oranges, man. like, one's a cheesy teen drama, another is a heartfelt musical dramedy, and the other is... well, a teen dramedy? okay, so there are some similarities, but it's hard for me to choose. i can say that zep is the one i enjoy most right now, just 'cause it's such a feel-good show to watch with everything going on in the world right now, but overall? i might have to say hsmtmts, just 'cause i really feel so attached to those characters/that world as a whole (even if the pacing of s1 got a little messy at times).

Which show have you seen more episodes of - 1 or 3?

roswell, new mexico. ironically, though, i really need to play catch-up on both. i now have several s2 eps of rnm to watch, and the second half of witcher s1!

If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

i literally am noah, let me just put that out there. like i relate to him so much, he's basically me when i was his age, just i'm a girl and he's a boy. i guess if i had to pick a character to be, maybe amara? bc she's a friend of his so she gets to kinda see things from the outside and help him out when he's struggling. (though poor girl is also pining for him hard, ugh, tween love is so messy. i never had a legit crush on a boy till i was 14, so i'd probably be safe in that regard.)

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

wow i really mixed up my own numbers here and started writing about a witcher/zep crossover, whoops

hell no. witcher is a bloody adult fantasy and healing powers of dude is a sweet kids' show. a crossover would never work. (though now i'm thinking about jaskier and geralt being father figures for lost orphan noah and i'm emo. it's such a crack-y concept but i like it lol)

Pair two characters in 1 that would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

from what i can remember in s1, michael & liz had a fun dynamic. sort of a love-hate thing (as opposed to her and max which was nothing but love). i think they'd make an interesting pair. especially given the end of s1, as they'd bond over their shared grief over max.

What is your favorite episode of 1?

pffft i don't know. i almost wanna say the pilot, just bc it was the first scripted show i'd started watching after, like, a whole semester of barely watching anything, and it also brought me back to the cw after i quit watching the flash. plus, i obviously didn't really know what to expect, so i was impressed with the way the show got me invested in both max/liz and michael/alex in the span of one 42-minute episode.

What is your favorite episode of 5?

i also gotta say the pilot bc it was probably the funniest episode, in that it felt the most like some sort of self-aware mockumentary comedy, and the end cover of "start of something new" made me super nostalgic for the original hsm film. both of those elements kinda faded as the show went on and we got so invested in the characters, so, yeah. it was fun while it lasted.

What is your favorite season of 2?

it's only got the one, so again, that's kinda the only one i can give as my answer? but hopefully it gets renewed for at least a second 👀

How long have you watched 1?

it premiered in... like january, i think, of last year, so... since then. like a year, though as i keep saying, gotta play catch up on s2.

How did you become interested in 3?

henry cavill. yeah, that's it. he's hot and it was his first major project following the rumors about him being out as superman, so i wanted to see what it was all about. also, considering it's netflix, i was kinda hoping we'd see his ass, but apparently we do not. netflix can give us pine penis but not cavill ass. Sigh.

Overall, which show had the better storyline, 3 or 5?

i guess hsmtmts bc it kept me the most engaged? but it was also not bingeable, so. kinda hard to accurately compare the two. but i guess that's my answer, bc witcher was kinda confusing at times (and i haven't watched it since like late december/early january)

Which has better theme music, 2 or 4?

neither really has an official theme song, unless you count the music that plays over the title card at the beginning of their respective episodes. i guess i like the matching band sound of hsmtmts', but they're both so short to compare to one another.

if you ask me to compare soundtracks, i might also have to give an edge to hsmtmts just bc of the nostalgia factor and their amazing original songs. sorry, zep!

i tag: @waystobewicked @willlamschofield and anyone else who wants to do this bc i'm too lazy to tag rn lol

[purplesurveys]

502

Are you going to any concerts this summer? No. It’s been almost a year since my last concert, and of my favorite band to boot :( I can’t believe it’s been that long already; every detail is still ridiculously fresh in my mind. Have you ever been to a concert? I’ve been to several ones. I typically go for mainstream acts since it’s rare that they come over to the country, so I’ve seen Coldplay, One Direction, and Paramore, and a WWE show if that counts. Would you have gone to Woodstock? It would have been such a thrill to experience that; I don’t think I would have wanted to miss it, despite the traffic and the mud and sanitary problems that ultimately came up. Then again I’d probably only go if I was already near the area cause I wouldn’t be passionate enough to travel for it. Have you ever camped out with a significant other? Mmm no. We’re both pretty unfit to try camping hahaha. We’d have no clue where to start. I’d love to have the opportunity though. What kind of music do your parents listen to? Generally, my mom is super attached to her elementary and high school tunes; she knows every hit song from the 80s. Right now she’s in a Queen and ABBA phase though. My dad is so much hipper than I am and the playlists he makes has all the newest Top 40 singles lmfao, half of them I usually don’t even know about. I do know he has a bias for Maroon 5.

What's so special about the state you live in? We don’t have states here, only provinces and cities. Do you ever feel like you're getting old, but you're still a teen? Well, I mean I’m no longer a teen but when I used to be one I didn’t feel like I was getting older. I wanted to enjoy my teenage years, so I did my best to. What do you do when you can't escape thoughts of your ex? When I was stuck in this position, I couldn’t. I went out to as many hangouts with my friends as my mom could possibly allow me to try and forget, and while those helped distract me for a bit, it never fully worked. Then my grandfather died soon after so I had something else to cry about. And then the most important college entrance exam I was ever gonna take took place, so I was properly distracted for a bit. But that was all there is to it – distractions. What do you think about indoor pets? So long as they’re properly trained and don’t chew and/or pee on everything, it’s fine. If you were a fish, what colour would you like to be? Silver? I dunno. What was your best year at school, so far? In high school, third or fourth year. In college, third year (so far). Do you have any siblings? I have two. Do you have any lame family traditions for holidays? We have our traditions but I don’t think they’re lame. What colour hair do you have, naturally? Black. Do you think it's gay for a guy to straighten his hair? It’s not gay for a guy to do anything except actually be gay. Do you watch any TV shows where the setting's a hospital? Nope, generally not a fan of those. Do you believe in ghosts or spirits? I’d like to think it’s possible that they exist, but I’m not like an overzealous ~paranormal~ expert with equipment or anything close to that. Would you agree that love is blind? Sure. Do you want anything that you can't have? Yes. Lots of money. Would you still want it if you had it? I don’t think I’d get tired of it lmao. What's your favorite video game? Mmm I’m pretty basic lmfao, I’m going with the Grand Theft Auto or Resident Evil series. What are some perks of being your gender? I know we’re all about gender expression nowadays and anyone could wear what they want so what I’m about to say isn’t really a *perk*, but I do like how the women’s sections in shops are always much bigger than men’s. That’s the case in the Philippines though; I don’t know if it’s the same in other countries. Did your first real significant other change you at all? She helped me grow up and taught me to save a little love for myself. Are you waiting to have sex until you're married? Welp, I didn’t. Do you play any sports at school? My PE this semester is supposed to be weight training, but our instructor has decided that it will be a general fitness course so we’ll be working out for the next four months...I’m so dead lmao, I have not exercised a day in my life. :(((( He’s a gym coach though so he’s pretty legit, and while I’m mostly terrified about my body possibly giving out, I’m a LITTLE excited for what’s in store.

How many schools have you been to? Two. I went to the same school for 14 years for kinder, elementary, and high school. Then I started university and had to move to a different school. What's your favorite football team? I hate American football, and I don’t understand football. Do any songs give you goosebumps? Usually songs that are really meant to evoke intense feelings, yeah - like songs used in series finales. Baby Blue, used in Breaking Bad’s last episode is a great example. What do you think about divorce? We don’t have it here, so all I have to say is we need it :) :) :) What's your favorite colour? Pastel pink. What's your favorite colour to wear? Black, maroon, or olive green. Isn't it lovely when your SO smells good? Yessssssssssss. What do your socks look like? I’m not wearing any at the moment but the last pair I wear was blue and it had a bacon and eggs design. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? Chicago. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever seen? Sagada. Do you watch shows like South Park, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show? I did, when I still used to watch on cable. I quickly realized that their humor was never my style, so I got tired of it easily. Harry Potter or Twilight? Twilight. Have you ever seen the show True Blood? Nope. Never looked interesting enough for me. Have you ever read a Harry Potter book? Yes. I read the series up until I reached the thick blue book, and at that point I realized it was gonna be the same old shit I read in the last four or so books. I always kinda hoped it was gonna be a different story for every new book but I never learned until I reached the blue one. I think I put it down by Page 2 and never returned to it anymore. Do you have anything autographed by a celebrity? I have a poster signed by AJ Lee, but I think that’s it. I used to have it on a frame because I absolutely DID NOT want it to get dirty, until my mom redesigned my room and it got placed in my closet. I would never throw it away, though. If you HAD to makeout with a celeb from the Disney channel, who would it be? I don’t know any of the new ones so I’m sticking with the people from my era. I’d go with Miley Cyrus. Who's your favorite actor? Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet. Who can make you laugh no matter what? Hans.

What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? As a doughnut flavor, in a milkshake, in a Reese’s, or with a spoon. Can you play any musical instruments? Just the recorder. I ‘know’ how to play piano but only because I know which keys to press to play my favorite tunes. Have you ever obsessed over a crush before? When I was in Grade 5 and was the typical 11 year old, sure. The last time you packed, what did you pack? Stuff for a trip to the beach. The next time you pack, where will you be going? Not sure. I think my dad has a couple of out-of-town trips planned. Do you still watch any cartoons meant for kids? Spongebob, that’s for sure haha. What's your favorite kind of cereal? I don’t like grainy ones. I’d go for super sweet cereals, like Cookie Crisps. What'd you eat for breakfast, all this past week? I skipped breakfast all week because I’ve had to drive to my morning classes. History or Discovery channel? Discovery, because History Channel is barely about history these days. Do you have a good memory? Yes. Do you have a Netflix? My dad handles the family plan, but yeah I technically have one because I’m part of the subscription. What were you doing the last time you were on a roof? I’ve never been on a roof, just rooftops. Have you ever attended a slumber party? I’ve been to sleepovers, but we didn’t really call them ~slumber parties. What did you wear to bed last night? I wore a tank and shorts, my usual get-up at home. What's your favorite kind of sandwich? Banh mi! Have you ever *dated* someone you've never met? Nope. Where can you always find inspiration? UP. Have you ever left America? I’ve never *been* to America. Have you seen Alice In Wonderland? Nope. Have you seen The Lovely Bones? Nope. What's your favorite movie, by the way? It’s either Good Will Hunting or Two for the Road. What keeps you awake at night? Various triggers.

[rapperkookz]

Rush!BTΣ — college!au, borderline crackhead au w/ @cynoirsure

a story about three friends and their obstacles of relationships, academic excellence, and figuring out that international kids aren’t all that bad.

19/35 (Lineage Bonding Part 1)

word count: 4k genre: sad boi, fluff, crack warnings: swearing

YOUR POV

You checked your phone for updates on your group chat with Jimin, Hoseok, and Kevin. Including your Big Sis, the five of you were planning on having a movie marathon tonight for a lineage bonding that Hoseok has been wanting for ages. You and your Big decided on going out first before heading over to Hoseok’s, giving the boys ample time for their own lineage bonding before you two joined in.

“So how’s it going with Jungkook?” Jieun asked, “I saw you forgave him, Little.”

You shrugged, fingers going through the hangers of the clothes rack, “Biggie, he’s so annoying. God, sleeping with him is getting harder and harder because I know that I have feelings for him. But fuck, I can’t say anything.”

“Why not?” She asked putting a hand on your arm.

“Because it’s supposed to be no-strings-attached. He acts so sweet and romantic, even when we’re not having sex, but it’s probably fake because we’re not entitled to each other,” you frowned.

“Maybe he has an interest in you too,” she tried to be uplifting, “Jungkook’s had plenty of experience, both you and I know that. Granted, he hasn’t slept with as many people as your Big Bro or grand, but he still has a body count.”

“I know, he used to a manwhore basically,”

“No that’s not what I meant Little,” she chuckled, “ever since you two started sleeping together, you’re the only girl he’s paid attention to.”

“That’s a lie,” you said reminding her about Lisa, “besides, he only does that because I ask him to.”

“Exactly. If Jeon wanted to fuck someone so badly, he could easily get another girl. He’s a good looking guy, do you really not think other girls are trying to get a piece of him? Little, all he did with Lisa was grind, you were so worked up about it because you like him.”

“I know I like him!” you groaned, “I just wish he would stop flirting with me like I’m his girlfriend.”

“He’s only doing that because he probably has feelings for you too.” she said calmly, “trust me, I’ve experienced the same thing.

“How? With who?”

Jieun sighed, “I hooked up with this one guy last year and we kept it going until first semester this year. We stopped because I wanted to find a relationship, not a hookup. But at one party this semester we hooked up again and I don’t know, I felt something different with him.” Your Big nodded, pausing when she saw a cute dress on the racks. “We talked everything out and said we’d try out a relationship. He used to fuck around a lot too, but he’s stopped since we started dating.”

“Yeah, but who was it with it, Biggie? Tell me!” You egged her on, which only made your Big laugh in amusement.

“You’ll find out soon, Little.” She only teased, making you whine. “You’re closer to him than you think...”

You were about to respond to what she muttered under her breath, but was interrupted by the ringing of your phone, “Hello?”

“Y/N! Where are you???” Kevin asked cheerily, “Come over now! Your Big Bro needs you.”

“Is Jimin oppa okay?” You asked to which Kevin chuckled, “Yeah, he’s just being really emotional right now.”

Telling him that you two were on your way, you hung up and turned to your Big who was still going through the clothes rack, disinterested in the options. “Ready to go Biggie?”

—

The three boys sat in the basement of Hoseok’s apartment, the television on as background noise as they were engrossed in a serious conversation.

Jimin was the start of this emotional conversion, coming into the apartment in a mood from his classes earlier in the day. He had his first simulation in the nursing labs, his performance rated poorly by his professor.

“Why do you look so sad Lil Bro?” Hoseok asked concerned, noticing the droop in the younger boy’s usually cheerful expression.

“Today has just been such a bad day,” he sighed, cracking his neck. “I showed up late to my first nursing simulation and I completely sucked at it. You know what my professor said after class? Are you sure you can do nursing?? I legit almost cried in the lab. After that, I had to talk with the Greek council about one of our philanthropy events because another fraternity claimed that we stole their event and I had to explain the whole situation to the board and how it was false accusations and that just sucked. Also, I got a 70 on my genetics quiz that I studied so hard for? Then I sprained my ankle a little bit trying to practice our set routine so I’m limping now. Today was just completely shitty.”

The two frowned, patting Jimin’s back in comfort, “We have those days Twin, it’s okay. You’re doing everything that you can.”

“But like, what my nursing professor said? That fucking hurt.”

“Screw him, who knows what he thinks. You’re gonna be a kick-ass nurse,” Hoseok said trying to cheer him up.

“I just...don’t feel like I’m good enough right now, for anything. Or like I don’t even know why I’m here right now. If I wasn’t here, there wouldn’t be much of a difference in the world.”

“Shut up and don’t even think about that.” Hoseok scolded.

“You’ve made such an impact on the brothers, on me, our Big,” Kevin said, “especially on Tae. You’ve made an incredible impact on y/n. They’d be upset if they heard you say that.”

Jimin sighed taking a sip of his water, “I guess.”

“Don’t focus on all those negative things, Little.” Hoseok slung an arm around Jimin, leaning his head against him. “What are some good things that you did today? It’s always good to focus on the good things of the day, all about balance, right Jimin?” Hoseok smiled at him as Jimin only shrugged.

“Well, I mean I did meet up with Jieun...Hyung this is kinda stupid...My bad parts still outweigh the good ones.” Jimin whined a little, frowning. Hoseok sat up, looking at Jimin incredulously.

“Woah, Jieun? As in the girl you were like heavily involved with last year and sort of in love with?” Hoseok gaped, Jimin nodding. Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed, tilting his head at his Big and Twin

“Isn’t that y/n’s Big? And aren’t they both coming tonight?” Kevin wondered out loud, Hoseok nodding, “Why is it shocking that they’re seeing each other again?” Jimin shifted on the couch, nervously twiddling with the rim of his water.

“Well...Jieun and I were fuck buddies last year and we stopped last semester since she wanted to find a relationship...But remember when we went to Deung Dae a few weeks ago? I ran into her after y/n went home and we got a little physical since we were both drunk...” Jimin scratched his neck, a little embarrassed smile on his lips. “Long story short, she makes me heart soft and my dick hard so...Obviously I had to cuff.” Hoseok cooed at his little’s confession, squeezing Jimin and pinching his cheeks.

“That’s so cute, Jiminie!” Jimin’s bad mood could only be repelled by his Big’s positive energy, a grin finally breaking out on Jimin’s face. “How do you think y/n’s going to take it, though?”

Jimin sighed, “I mean, I hope it’s not weird? Like...y/n reminds me of my real little sister and I think I’d be devastated if she was anything but happy for me.” Jimin pursed his lips, curling into himself on the couch. Kevin, who had let go of Jimin as soon as Jimin started to curl in was curious about the last sentence that Jimin had said.

“Real little sis?”

Hoseok nodded and patted his other Little’s arm, well aware that their new addition to the lineage didn’t know Jimin’s family background as he did. Jimin sighed, toying with one of his rings somberly. “Yeah, ah, I haven’t told you yet. I used to have a little sister,  just a little big younger than y/n, maybe a year or two younger.”

Kevin remained silent, waiting for Jimin to continue, as he did not want to ask w hat the boy meant by ‘used to’.

“Unfortunately, when I was a junior in high school, she passed away. She had a brain tumor and uh-she didn’t make it through the surgery.” Jimin said looking down, trying to hide the tears that began to stream down his face. “She was just about to enter high school, you know? She had so much more life ahead of her and then she just passed so quickly.”

Hoseok started rubbing Jimin’s back for comfort.

“Shew as the light of our family and whens he was gone, we all entered this dark place, myself and my mom more so than my dad and my brother. Jiyeon and I were so close, it was like a part of mew as ripped away when she died.” Jimin said, “there was a feeling when I met y/n, like Jiyeon sent her to me to make sure that we were both okay. Of course I could never replace Jiyeon with y/n, but she helped me find closure with Jiyeon. As you know, y/n’s the only girl I’ve never hit on or even have an attraction to that’s anything beyond platonic.”

Kevin frowned, sitting up to reach for the Hello Kitty tissues (tastefully chosen by Seokjin) that were under the coffee table. He handed the box over to Jimin, who only scrubbed the tears away from his face with his fist.

“I think it’s really sweet that you’re looking out for y/n like that, Jimin.” Kevin smiled. Jimin sniffled, “As one of her best friends, I know that she really values you and looks up to you. You mean so much to her.” The youngest, although the wisest, gave his twin a hug. Hoseok smiled fondly at the interaction. Hoseok felt his phone buzz in his pocket, fishing it out to see that Jieun had texted him that they were rounding the corner to the apartment.

“They should be pulling up any moment now...” Hoseok said before the doorbell rang. Hoseok stood up to go get the door, leaving Kevin and Jimin down in the basement while they both drank from their waters. He opened the door to reveal you and Jieun, smiles on both of your faces.

“Hey Hoseok,” Jieun grinned as you greeted him with a hug.

“Grand, why did Kevin call me and say that Jimin oppa was emotional??”

Hoseok gave a soft smile, patting your back, “He’s had a tough day, we thought that having you guys come earlier could help cheer him up.”

“He was telling me earlier,” Jieun nodded as you made your way downstairs. Kevin and Jimin turned their heads as the three of you entered the basement. You greeted Kevin first as he extended his arms in a hug, calling your name sweetly. After pulling away, you turned to your Big Bro, whose head was currently embraced in your Big Sis’s torso. She whispered something to him before pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

Your eyes widened for a quick moment, before registering the situation of their relationship, and accepting it internally, yet calmly.

Jimin turned to you after lifting his head from Jieun’s abdomen. He smiled sadly, the other girl wiping away the residual tears from the corner of his eyes. “C’mere, Lil Sis.”

Frowning, you approached him and wrapped your arms around his waist, squeezing tightly to show your comfort. Jieun patted your head and took a seat in the middle of Kevin and Jimin. You started rubbing his back, feeling it quickly rise and fall as he cried some more. “Oppa, are you okay?”

He mumbled an I will be and rested his chin on your shoulder, trying to stop himself from crying any longer.

“You’ll make y/n cry if you keep crying like that, Twin.” Kevin said, a smile softly spreading on Jimin’s face.

“Sorry, sorry twin...” Jimin laughed holding you protectively in his arms. “How are my two favorite girls?”

You pursed your lips as you looked up at him, a small smile spreading on your face as he absentmindedly squished your cheeks. “I’m good, oppa. I’m a little tired, but I’ve been looking forward to this bonding time together all day, I’m just excited to be with the whole family.”

“Me too, it feels like we’re all just a little too busy to have all this time together like this, I’m happy we could all find a time to be together.”  Hoseok smiled, clasping his hands together. Jieun nodded, before frowning a little.

“Ah, but I’ll have to leave a little early since I still have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, is that okay?” Jieun worried, looking over at you. “I don’t want the testosterone in the room eating y/n alive.” Jimin chuckled a little, shaking his head at his girlfriend.

“Don’t worry love, I promise we’re not that fragile with our masculinity for that.”

You nodded in agreement with Jimin’s statement, wriggling out of his grasp to sit next to Kevin. The five of you decided to sit on the floor surrounding the coffee table.  Jieun and Hoseok checking in on how Kevin was holding up with being introduced to Greek life and balancing schoolwork.

“If i’m completely honest, my mental health feels like trash, but like WINGS and hanging with you guys always makes me feel better.” Kevin nodded, grinning at his twin and Big. “I’m forever grateful for those late night street food runs during study sessions and the fact that Hoseok hyung always has access to the dance studios because he’s either in the room or he just wants to lend it to us.” Kevin reached for the last of the honey butter chips on the table, offering some to you before he finished the bag. “Also I’m just glad that me and Tae’s schedules and classes are similar so I have someone to study with after class, not to mention we live in the same dorm so we see each other often.” Kevin checked his lock screen of his phone, swiping to unlock it. Hoseok looked over the table, seeing that there was only a little bit left form the haul he and Seokjin had bought earlier.

“Why don’t we cook something up so we can eat while we watch a movie? I’m starving” Hoseok stood up, already moving towards the kitchen and giving Kevin a certain look so that Kevin could cook for them. You picked up on the look before your best friend, laughing when you saw your grand trying to get Kevin’s attention. You nudged your best friend, who looked up from texting his boyfriend, getting up to follow his Big into the kitchen. You sat opposite of both your Bigs, having a small understanding. Still, Jieun spoke up first. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you anything sooner, Little. We-I-just-”

“I didn’t want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable with both of your Bigs dating,” Jimin said.

You sighed, knowing exactly what they meant, “I’m happy for both of you. I support this. I just don’t want to be put in the middle if you two end up breaking up, you two make up my lineage and I would be heartbroken if I had to choose sides.”

“We wouldn’t let that happen, Lil Sis,” Jimin said, “The two of us are mature enough to know not to let you get caught up in the middle. Whatever happens between us is between us.”

You turned to your Big Sis, “You settled this player Biggie? I’m impressed.”

She laughed pushing away Jimin who was slightly offended by your joke. “How could I say no when your Big Bro was literally begging me to go out with him after all this time.” Shrugging, Jimin turned to you, “Be like your Big Sis and don’t be easy for boys, y/n. You hear me?”

You nodded, catching Jieun’s eyes for a moment before grabbing the tv remote, claiming that you were going to look for a movie for the group of you to watch. Kevin and Hoseok returned downstairs soon after, a large pot of ramen in Hoseok’s hands as Kevin brought down drinks for everyone. They agreed with the consensus of watching Coco, being in a feel-good mood. A quarter through the movie, Jieun stood up announcing that she was going to head out.

“I should probably go, it’s 11 pm.” She said regretfully, letting go of Jimin’s hand.

“Wait! Before you go, we should take a cute lineage picture,” Hoseok said, “I’m a pro at self timer.”

“Hyung, that’s not what you said when you busted your shit coming back from my reveal pics.” Kevin teased making Hoseok groan.

“Don’t remind me, it’s still your home screen! But I guarantee I’ve gotten a lot better from the beginning of the semester!” Hoseok flashed his signature heart shaped smile at his lineage, his heart swelling seeing how his family was growing. He disappeared into one of the rooms to grab the tripod that Seokjin had gotten him as a gag gift after the reveal party, bringing it back into the basement so that they could get ready to take their picture.

“Let’s all look cute okay?” Hoseok turned on the lights, pausing the movie as the four of you moved to position yourself. The five of you made a scalene triangle, Hoseok standing proudly as the point. He put his hands on top of Jimin and Hoseok, who went down on their knees, one hand hovering above each of the boys’ heads. Jieun knelt next to Jimin, the two of them hovering their own hands on top of your head, showing that they shared you as a Little. You sat down in the middle of Jimin and Jieun, leaning back against them fondly. You all smiled nicely for a cute photo before doing a bad bitch photo with asses out and everything, you being the first to change your pose from cross-legged to thot squat.

Jieun laughed as she received the pictures from Hoseok’s airdrop, “I’ll see you guys later, alright? Take care of my little.” You all waved her off as Jimin escorted her out of the apartment, Kevin scooping you into his lap as you guys continued the movie. You were deep in thought, however, and Kevin picked up on it first.

“You good, y/n?” Kevin squished your cheeks and you could only sigh. Kevin quirked an eyebrow, sitting up.

“Was it a bad idea that I gave him another chance?” You spoke vaguely about what was going on in your mind, but Kevin immediately knew about what you were talking about. Jimin was coming back down the stairs, hearing your sentence and immediately looking over at Hoseok. He was just as confused as Jimin, the both of them concerned about your comment.

“Gave who a second chance?” Hoseok spoke up first, curious about the secret that you and Kevin were hiding. You tried your hardest to conceal a gasp, remembering that you had only confided about your situation about Jungkook with Kevin and Jinhee (not counting your sisters). You were nervous about exposing your secret with Jungkook to the other two, especially Jimin. Your heartbeat quickened, turning to Kevin for help. He winked back at you, having the situation under control with the excuse that you and your best friends had made.

“Her fuck buddy.” Kevin answered simply, nodding. “They ghosted her and she was mad at them for a hot minute, but they apologized with a super long paragraph and sushi and I guess now she’s doubting taking them back.”

“Sushi? You mean Jungkook?” Jimin asked recalling his conversation with the younger boy during spring break, “You’ve been fuck buddies with Jungkook the whole time? It wasn’t a one-time thing?

“No...it was more like...a regular sort of thing.” you mumbled, “Oppa, please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” he reassured, “it’s just...wow like Bigs like Little.”

“God I remember when you and Jieun started your whole fuck buddy thing, “Hoseok reminisced, “and then I remember you crying to me when she broke off your thing and said she wanted a real relationship.”

“I didn’t tell any of you oppas, well besides Kev and Jinhee, because I didn’t want you guys to feel weird or hurt, whatever relationship I have with Jungkook I just wanted to be with me and him. Not with the Betas and the Sigmas as well.” You said

Kevin started rubbing your back, “sow hat is your relationship with him?”

“I like him,” you sighed, “I really like him. And God I don’t even know if he likes me back, I feel like a stupid lovestruck kid in grade school.”

“It’s okay,” Kevin said, “I feel like an idiot when it comes to Tae, too.”

“Like, whenever I’m with him, I just feel like the best version of myself.” You said with a small laugh, “Jungkook’s the only person I’ve felt 100% comfortable showing my body with. And oppa, you know my body insecurities.”

“I have them too,” he nodded putting his hands on top of yours, “You know Lil Sis, if he makes you happy and if you really feel like that with Kook, who am I to stop you from being with him?”

“Besides,” Hoseok said,” we all knew the sexual tension between you two was strong. Like c’mon, I could see it during every WINGS practice.”

“Shut up Grand!” You said throwing one of the pillows at him. The boys laughed, the mood brightening.

“Okay while we’re laying it out here, and since I already spilled every other vulnerable thing about me. Twin, I’m really glad that you and Tae are dating.” Jimin said putting his arm around Kevin’s shoulders. “He and I have been best friends for so long and before you, he’s always been a bit lost with himself. Thank you for loving him, Kev.”

Kevin smiled and gave Jimin a hug, “I’ll do my best to never hurt him, Chim. And I hope you know that although tae spends most of his time with me now, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you. I may be his boyfriend, but you’re his soulmate and best friend. I respect that.”

“Although, I’m curious, Kev.” Hoseok rested his elbows on his legs, leaning forwards to look at Kevin, “How did you get Taehyungie to come out? I always had the gut feeling that he wasn’t straight. Kevin shrugged at Hoseok’s question.

“It wasn’t really forced out of him,  but I think he was just scared of telling everyone else that he was attracted to more than one gender.” Kevin told you three about his drunken confession on Valentine’s Day and how Taehyung would avoid using the term girlfriend and instead say more gender neutral terms like partner instead.

“After Valentine’s Day, when he woke up in my arms, he just looked extremely content. I don’t think he regretted telling me that he liked me, because he often tells me that he’s so thankful that I helped him redefine himself.”

Jimin nodded, a smile . on his face, “This is so cheesy bro, but you saved him. I’ve never seen him so happy.”

Hoseok grinned, pulling you over so that the four of you would end in a group hug, “I love our CHARM lineage.”

[To Be Continued]

A/N I’m so sorry this was 2 weeks late, @cynoirsure and I were so busy with school stuff, but I swear we’re back and a little less busy! We’ll keep this story going for you guys :)

4-8-19

[canaryatlaw]

alright, well today was actually pretty good! I had my alarm set for noon which would give me plenty of time to prep for the interview at 3:30. So I woke up then and spent an hour just having a bit of a slow morning getting some food and checking my computer. It was at this point that what was probably the best part of the day happened. Since talking to my old mentor the other day I shot OPG a follow up email asking if anything had changed in hiring status and I received a reply email today saying that while they did not yet have permission to hire, they have started conducting interviews and I will be “contacted shortly to schedule an interview” which was just such a big YESSSSSSSS moment after waiting months upon months for this opportunity that is literally my first choice job at this point. Like yes I would ultimately like to end up at a nonprofit but nonprofits don’t hire people straight out of law school, I need more experience with the system to do that job properly, so this is legit my number one choice right now. And honestly like, I don't want to get cocky or anything but I know I have a pretty good shot at getting hired, the number of people who work there who told me that they clerked there in law school was at least half of the office I’d say, and they keep all their performance reviews on record from their former clerks which means I have 3 semesters worth of stellar performance reviews on file for them to consult, including several from senior members of the office. so, I mean i think my odds are pretty good (but I don’t want to jinx it of course). So we’ll see what happens with that, but it definitely elevated my mood for the day. it’s just that that position would be so, so much more preferable than any of the other options, like they’re not even on the same scale because this one is so so so so much higher than everything else. So I will be very, very happy if this works out. But anyway. Around 1 I started getting ready, doing my make up and getting my suit out (my custom one of course, which I should probably get dry cleaned soon) and getting that on and making sure I had everything I needed before getting an uber at 2. Traffic can always be tricky so I never want to leave anything up to chance and get screwed over so I make sure to leave a solid amount of buffer time so that even if something goes wrong I won’t be screwed over. So I ended up getting there around 2:30, area I was familiar with, not too far from my school and right by my favorite pizza joint in a giant food hall that has so many great selections. So I went to the tea shop on the corner and chilled out until like 3:10, at which point I went to the building and found a bathroom to make sure I was still looking presentable before approaching the office at 3:25 (perfectly prompt). I had to ring the doorbell they had on the wall, which I was slightly stressed out about because I was like I hope this is a doorbell anyway??? since it wasn’t completely clear lol but thankfully it was and I was let in moments after. Got escorted to a fairly big conference room and a few minutes later first guy came in. I ended up speaking to all three of their partners, each one separately which was somewhat odd but not bad. They seemed fairly interested in my resume and cover letter, the first one said he really liked how excited and passionate I sounded in my cover letter, which made me happy to hear because that’s definitely what I want to communicate. I had to do some stretching and bending as far as experience because they’re not a family law firm and most of my Chicago experience is family law related, but I talked a lot about working at my dad’s firm when I was younger since they handle some of the same types of cases, and of course how I felt my experience in family court translated to different court and case settings (which I definitely believe it does). They were all very interested in me currently having my own “practice” which I had to explain was just me basically, and then had to explain to all of them what the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund was and why it was on my resume because none of them were familiar with it, lol. But they all seemed pretty nice, seemed to be a somewhat laid back environment but they definitely stressed they have a lot of work and that often leads to late hours and working on the weekends which is not really the kind of thing I’m looking for right now, so that made me a bit hesitant, especially given my earlier info from OPG. But I carried on with the interview of course. They are looking for someone to start soon but they have a few interviews for next week they said and potentially another one after that so I’m not too concerned about hearing back from them before I could do anything with OPG. But yeah, overall it was pretty good I’d say. It was around 5 by the time I was leaving, I considered doing an uber pool home just because it was cold but the rates were super inflated because it was a high traffic time, so a pool was going to run me $30 and I’m not gonna do that (a normal uber was like $48, yikes) so I ended up waiting for the bus that takes me right up to my neighborhood. There are a lot of law offices right on that street because it’s right by the court building most of them practice in, so it’s pretty convenient transportation wise at least. By the time I got on it wasn’t totally crowded so I managed to grab a seat just before there was a large influx of people who had to stand, so I was thankful for that because standing on buses is so fun. It wasn’t the fastest of course, and probably took me a solid hour, but I managed. I got home and changed, then figured out what the plan was for the night and heated up some leftovers, and ate those while watching the news (mostly for background noise) until Blindspot was on at 7. That was a fairly interesting episode mostly because it featured a serial killer that was supposedly on Long Island (and my county too) so of course that sparked my interest, and the plot was pretty solid too. After that I switched to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend which was a solid episode but somewhat emotional honestly since it was dealing with kinda backsliding in treatment for mental illness which is a kinda difficult subject, but I think they did a very good job with it. The side plot was about Paula running herself ragged studying for the bar exam and when she finally makes it to the OB/GYN for what she thinks is early onset menopause he listens to her symptoms and is like “yeah I’m calling an ambulance you need to go to the cardiac ICU NOW” and she’d basically been walking around with a heart attack for 18 hours because she was so busy and determined studying for the bar and I was just like honestly that’s so believable like I would fully believe that as being something that actually happened, because studying for the bar is THAT intense. So I found that obviously sad plot still somewhat amusing. Once that was over I didn’t watch anything for a little because we were going over some super secret plans regarding stuff I’m not gonna post about yet, and then at 10 I turned the news back on and watched that for a little before deciding to start getting ready for bed, so I showered and then got my laptop and ended up going on a side track regarding a family I used to follow who lost their 5 year old son to cancer 3 years ago now and reading what’s been going on with them for the past 3 years and I just sat on my bed and cried a lot so that was good, then I finally got around to writing this post. Plans for tomorrow include brunch, then thrifting and probably a few other store stops for cosplay needs and of course a few other random things, should be good. And yeah, that’s about it for now, it’s almost 1 am so I should probably be getting to bed now. Goodnight dearies. Happy weekend. 

[revivedchapter]

jan. 2019

tbh, didn't really want to make this my first post of 2019 but who cares at this point. 

a couple of things to address: concerns and a year since I basically made one of the greatest life changes for me that's had a major impact on me. 

lets start with the negative shall we? 

it’s not negative, it is just a concern.. I guess lets talk about Aries. 

if u r not familiar with who Aries is, go back and read a bit or just know it’s the guy I like.

this guy was different. he's a nice guy but I feel like my liking to him may be blindsided and I dont want to think that. 

I dont want to see him as the guy that is nice and everyone to see him as the guy that isn't nice because he actually is nice and I know that. I think the only reason im thinking of this is because my brother thinks he's a jerk but honestly he isn't and now that I think about it, I am not being blindsided, or at least I hope I am not. 

out of all the guys I have ever liked, he's been the most kind mA. my challenge with last semester was trying to figure out if we were friends or not and by the end, I concluded we were but now im back at it questioning that same thing. 

I know we are deep down but I can't accept it. 

I literally want to be friends with him, like actual friends that talk about normal things. there is just something with him, it is like I can't get through to him. it is always about school and I know there is more to him. I know he is not in the state for anything other than school but cmon man, lets really like hang out and get to know each other or maybe Allah (SWT) is making sure I do not get hurt or further myself into feelings that should not be allowed right now. 

monday: we both switched into a new orgo class and ugh we had some weird texts where I didn't know what he was talking about and he was like what r u talking about.. it was so much anxiety for me because the last thing I want to do, is annoy him. cause im honestly known for being too much or annoying.  I dont want to force him away from me. anyways, he texted me later and asked if I switched into the class and I was doing it right in the moment which made me happier and he switched too bc by that time, there was only one more spot left.

he then texted me saying he was going to be in recitation in 20 min and I was like “you’re going? IM HOME” (cause literally I was in bed) and he replied “why wouldn't you go?” and I legit raced out of my house and sped to campus and walked to my class in 9 min, 3 min left to spare. I legit walked up to him and said “hi” and he kinda smiled and he just knew (or at least I like to think) that I was struggling. it was funny for both of us. 

then on Wednesday, I sat with him in class and I know everyone has off days, he just seemed more quiet and low-key and idk I just felt like “maybe on fri I shouldn't sit with him..” but Wednesday class was totally fine cause we laughed together at some points. 

Oh my God I literally didn't even address what the freak happened when i walked up to him. it just felt weird cause he said hi back when I said hi but at that moment I was like “shit, should I really sit here?” not in a bad way later on I was more like “maybe I shouldn't sit here next class even though I really want to.” anyways, I sat next to Aries and I asked him a question about going back to the technical college that we both attended freshman year and I LITERALLY jumbled my words and I was so embarrassed but most importantly, I was so nervous and shaken up to talk to him. ugh. I swear he has been the only one that makes me really nervous. 

okay now.. 

FRIDAY. my God. FRIDAY made me so happy.

I was worried all day about the seating situation. ALL DAY. 

I waited for lecture to start 40 minutes before (I had a weird schedule to say the least) and I was on the side of the lecture hall of where we sat together on Wednesday so that way I could easily enter that side and sit down but he didn't show up so to waste some time, I went on the other side of the lecture hall where I sat last semester for organic. and I sat in my old seat and I keep a look out for him to walk into class. 

when I look up from my phone, Aries entered the classroom and was looking around casually and he saw me and idk if waved or smiled or what but he gave me a look like “why are you sitting on that side?” and I smiled and grabbed my stuff and just pointed to him basically indicating ill be coming to sit next to him. it made me happy because it gave me an open to sit with him and he didn't mind. when I walked over and greeted him, he said “yeah I think the board will work this time” (sidenote: the other day in class on wed, the board wasn't working on the side we were on so yeah). I just responded with “yeah sorry im just honestly used to sitting on the other side because that's where I sat for organic last time.” we actually talked in the beginning of class and a little bit during it.

hes a good guy mA. I dont think he will ever be mine, but I like to keep an open eye. you never know because he may not be for me right now, but that could change that’s why maybe keep an open heart? 

I just think guys are oblivious and that may or may not be an excuse. but he's a guy that cares mA and barely judges. I guess we will see what happens this semester. Hopefully an A in organic and working with him and getting to know him.

so some of his friends are in our class and I really thought that would affect what could happen this semester but I think we will be fine... hopefully iA LOL.

anyways that's an update on Aries. we texted a bit this weekend but nothing big. he's still getting used to my sarcasm to say the least haha. 

NOW exciting news. ALHUMDULILLAH, it’s almost been a year since I started my work out journey. currently, I am down 28-29 lbs hopefully exactly 30 by the time I check on my anniversary day. I am so happy mA ALH for the way I look but most importantly how I feel. I have literally kicked all the negativity out and focused on myself and just been in a better place ALH mA and I hope that continues and this whole routine does. i am going to make a post dedicated to this whole amazing journey on my anniversary date and make it all about that soon. for now, I do have to get back to studying or attempt to haha, but I will come back soon iA.

thanks for reading if you stayed till the end.

--Anon 

[gruby88]

The story clerks is kind of amazing. A lower-middle class kid from suburban New Jersey starts working at a video store, where he mets a guy heavily into movie. He broadens his horizons enough with some Independent Film Fair hangouts, a place where future classics like Linklater’s „Clacker” would appear. The kid, known as Kevin SMith, get so into it he ges to cheap canadian film school to make his own movies.

He drops out mid-semester, because school is boring and boring things are just not interesting. But he assembles a rudimentary crew of rpoducer Scott Mosier and cinematographer Klark, makes some credit card fraud for 30k dollars and starts making his debut movie - Clerks.

Shot over a month at a store Smith worked at - the movie is basically two dudes just having a weird day at work. They talk in a very verbose style, giving this sophistication to the most inane of topics while serving wacky customers and slowly bulding up to a broader lesson the love subplot signifies.

In spite of it’s blue collar setting of a convinience store, the movie appears to be ideologyless. IThe characters, or rather maybe SMith himself, seem to have no real  thoughts about politics. There’s no big boss acting as villain. there’s no goals.  A guy who sells chewing gum starts a riot in the store but that never gets any commentary, it’s just a gag. There’s just empty void of depression. And 90s kinda were like that. Reagan and Tatcher turned the world into a capitalist hellhole, everything seemed meaningless beyond monetary value, with no real way out of the system.

It still does btw.

And thus, the valued commodity of early 90s was realness. The was a market for what we believe to be real. Swearing, being drunk in public, greasy haired rockers were not the world finally manning up to some sick guitar riffs, it was an open craving for somethig real. Something raw. Or at least as raw as we can stomach, there’s a reason why pretty boy Eddie Vedder got famous, and shit-slinging rockers like GG Allin just remained too hot for tv.

And realness wasn’t just to be consumed, it gave us hope that we can too become recognizable for just being ourselves. And it times before reality tv, vlogs, instagram stories and facebook posts - to scratch that itch we had to look for people like us on the big screen. For validation that our averageness is significant in some way.

And Clerks was the perfect movie for the generation of directionless stoners, loners, geeks, nerds, outcasts, mclovins of their time. It was just two dudes being smartasses for 90 minutes.

So how does CLerks hold up in 2020?

Welp.

The movie itself is kinda good. Very funny still. It encapsulates early 90s attitude of not giving a fuck pretty flawlessy with worst attitued played up to maximum. There’s no stakes, characters hardly have an arc to follow, it just kind of is. It meanders with no purpose and that kind of is the point. It’s lack of effort seems to be intentional to signify the lack of effort in the characters. It’s as dull as your life, but also has all the things that make it bearable. The funny friend. The fact that low-paying jobs have the best stories because you mostly deal with other low-income people wh are usually insane from all the stress.

C A P I T A L I S M

One thing that caught my eye was contempt for store customers. You’d think Smith would find compassion for fellow low-classians, but no. I wroked commerce so I know, the best stories are the ones about people you don’t hold too dear to your heart and called names to their face because they just put you past the tipping point. But politics of clerks is basically - look at this dumb motherfuckers interrupting me doing fuck all at my job. There’s no hint of irony or self-awareness. Like, at some point the cool guy, Randall fucking GRAVES, just spits water at a guy point blank for being kinda stupid about tabloids. And is presented as the guy we want to be, the cold calculated friend with instant funny comment about anything.

I guess this is a display of Kev-dawgs immaturity. He is not aware, that what he perceives as cool carries a broader social commentary and a lesson that’s beyond a joke about customers being weird. Which is kinda part of the charm. That Smith doesn’t know, or simply doesn’t care that he shows us the worst people ever, which is why it’s so authentic. It’s brutal when put like that, but it is the voice of the part of america that gets the worst jobs. And this is what they think of you. That you’re assholes for making them work. ANd that speaks to countless generations of kids who would never have a voice in cinema. There was never a cool representation for chubsters with affection for superheroes. They want to believe that their lack of sex skills will result in a girl mistakenly fukcing a corpse in pursuit of them and not just straight rejection.

And it works like that because the movie is pretty consequenceless for our main characters. Randall has no stakes in anything and just spits onelines. He throws some food around which I guess is pretty dramatic, but that’s about his impact on the story.

The story centers around the main character of Dante. A guy who has unexplanedly two women fight for his affection even thouth his bed skills seem to be comparable to rigor mortis. And is just an asshole to both off them. He scolds his girlfriend for having broad sexual past, and then gets mad when he learns that his ex moved on. Lots of room for improvement as a person.

Anyways, his lesson? Ditch the ex who will most likely never recorver and is now useless as you can’t fuck, and go back to your main chick. This is actually the whole arc of the movie. Dante learns that his options are limited, and he should bank on girls that actually can stand him. And it’s not even my interpretation, the movie ends with the director, playing the iconic  SIlnet Bob, explaining the movie to us via a monologue to the main character.

But all of this makes the movie work. Becuase it perfectly captures tht moment in life when you’re kinda too naive to figue out that having good taste in movies does not a good person make, but also old enough to not be dismissed or get in trouble for challanging the status quo.

Even after dogma, where peoles good will towards smith reached its peak and for a second he was about to enter the mainstream legit, not just as an indie wonder funny guy. He was not treated as seriously as after Clerks. And smith ate it up. He played into it. 90s Kevin is way more full of himself than his later laid back slacker persona of the public speaking era. Kevin loves the implication that he is this working class genious, the smartass philosopher of the gen x, taking popular culture and treating it like art. Big words. And he is not wrong, lthout his takes.. usually are.

Kevin is prominently featured as an intro interviewer for Josh petersen, indie distributor that wrote  book about how he performs the most boring aspect of the movie making - selling the thing.

But seeing this movie now, being 10 years older than kevin when he made it. I can feel the excitement of voice emerging, and „that’s beautiful, man”.

[sensiblestudy]

Hi ! I noticed you were Irish and in your second year of college. I was wondering either you go to college in Ireland. If so what is the college system like ? What are the timetables like ? That kind of thing. Thanks for your time 💛

hi there! yes, I do go to college in Ireland! I’ll gladly explain some things to you! 

Grades: so I see you’re a secondary school student, right? I’m not too familiar with the new leaving cert grading system, but I’m sure you’re still aware of the A1, A2, B1, etc. system! that’s how you’re graded in college! each subject area might have different standards for their grades, for example for me, in philosophy an A1 is 80%+ but in psychology an A1 is 90%+! although I do know that most subjects (at least I think) tend to say an A1 is 75%+

so then as well as these types of grades, you also get a QCA, which is kinda hard to explain and it’s never really properly explained to you in college lol but from my understanding it’s basically like a total of your grades, and it’s given in numerical form. the highest you can get is 4.00, so the closer you are to this, the better! you get a QCA at the end of each semester, and they’re accumulated, so basically if you do really well in one semester and get a good QCA, you might do badly the next and get a bad QCA, which will then bring down your overall QCA value... I really hope this makes some sort of sense lol!!

also!! idk for certain if this applies to every course (maybe the 4 year courses?? idk) but usually your first year grades don’t go towards your final degree so if you don’t have a great QCA it’s not the end of the world, it gets wiped! although it will still be on your record, and it may be looked at if let’s say you and a ton of other people apply to study abroad at the same place, they might then take a look at everyone’s first year grades to compare them

Timetable: not too sure what to say here because everyone’s is going to be different, but in general you should have less hours than school!! pretty sure in first year I had about 14/15 hours a week... I was expecting it to stay the same or even go down as I progressed but last semester I had about 18 hours and this semester I have like 20 lol

Workload: again, this will vary drastically between disciplines and degrees. I’m an arts student, and I have a ton of assignments. first semester of first year I had 6, second semester I had 9, and last semester I had 10. how fun lol. but then I have a friend who does business and only gets like... 2 or 3 assignments every semester and they’re usually group projects. but in general you will have assignments in some (or all) modules which will go towards your grade for that module. some modules are just assignment-based, and some are a mix of assignments and an exam. and of course some will just have an exam worth 100% but I’ve never had that, personally. actually I think some people also have midterm exams, which would be in-class I assume, but again I’ve never had any

Failing: one thing that’s totally new for us peeps coming in from Irish secondary school, is that you have to pass all of your modules. in secondary if you fail any class tests you do in a subject it’s not really going to stop you from progressing to the next year. but in college, you need to pass all of your modules. if you fail a module, you then have to take a repeat exam (which you have to pay for, they can be pricey) which usually take place in August, I think. then if you fail that exam, you will have to go back and repeat the whole module. 

Other stuff: some general advice I’d give you is to definitely stay on top of your work as much as possible! go to (most of) your lectures and be sure to take some notes! use any of the facilities on offer, for example my college offers an academic learning centre where students can bring drafts of their assignments and someone working in there will read it with you and give you advice on how to improve it, in terms of grammar and just academic style. 

That’s all I can think of right now, but please, if you have any more specific questions don’t be afraid to ask me!! I legit love college so much and I’m always more than happy to talk to people about it and give advice!!

Take care!!!