#FUCK OFF BATMAN GO SEE A THERAPIST

[sanguinesmi1e]

A Round Door Like a Porthole, Lazarus Green Pt. 1 (you're here) Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4

Wayne Enterprises didn’t really need a small business specializing in “ecto-weapons” invented by self-purported ghost hunters, but S.T.A.R. Labs tipped Lucius Fox off that Lex Luthor was trying to buy an obscure little company in Illinois, and thwarting Luthor was always worthwhile. Now Tim just had to figure out what to do with all the equipment and the concerningly large arsenal of guns and things that looked like normal household items but seemed to have other, horrific purposes. He would have laughed at the way they slapped “Fenton” in front of every invention name (do ghost hunters really need a Fenton thermos? Won’t a normal thermos keep their coffee hot just as well? Are ghosts like trout, to be caught with a Fenton Ghost Fisher which just looks like a normal fishing rod but glow-in-the-dark. And what the fuck even is a Fenton Peeler!?), but he thought with some chagrin about the batarangs, batmobile, and everything else that had “bat” as a prefix in the batcave. 

However, of all the things Tim hadn’t expected to find when he flew out to do an inventory of assets after they bought the business sight-unseen, a portal generating a Lazarus Pit in gaseous form was probably at the top of his list. He didn’t even know that Lazarus water could change states from a liquid to a gas like that. Maybe there actually was something to the whole ghost thing. He supposed that it made sense for ghosts to exist, after all Deadman was part of Justice League Dark. Speaking of. . . he should see if Bruce could call in someone from JLD to assess things. He was feeling decidedly out of his depth.

John Constantine did not like to consult for mega corporations like Wayne Enterprises, but Batman had specifically requested he go check something out and he figured, where's the harm? 

There. 

There’s the harm. 

It turned out the “thing” he’d been called in to look at is a machine that can tear open a stable portal into the Infinite Realms. That is not something that should be possible. That is not something technology should be capable of achieving. That is definitely not something that should exist. Bloody hell, what had the Bats roped him into!?

This really should have been Zatana’s job. Or Deadman’s. Hell, Raven or Secret would be preferable. Because John would prefer not to be dealing with this. In fact, he would prefer to be back in literal Hell than deal with the crazy shit in the Infinite Realms. Could John handle demons, archangels, and even gods? Yeah. He can bind or exorcize most supernatural threats. Does that mean he relishes the idea of going toe to toe with heavy hitters from the Infinite Realms? Absolutely not. 

Some beings who lived there were just little blob ghosts made from ectoplasm and emotion. Some were the restless undead who could not or would not cross over to their afterlives. And some were the embodiments of concepts like nature, destructive weather, and dreams. He wasn’t sure where Death fit into the Realms, whether she ruled or visited, or if it was actually just an extension of her, but he didn’t really want to find out. There were many things John could defeat. Death wasn’t one of them. And now he was looking at a portal into a realm where the living were not meant to be. 

Danny hadn’t returned to Fenton Works since graduating high school. It turned out that he was less anxious when he was not living with people who fantasized about “tearing him apart molecule by molecule” and thought that discussing their plans to dissect him (although he maintained that it would be a vivisection since he’s only half dead) made for fascinating dinner conversation. Who would have thought that his constant stress, anxiety, and insomnia were caused by environmental factors? He’d been unpacking things with a very nice therapist his sister helped him find, and seen great improvements in his mental health. It really helped that she was dead too, and unlike Spectra she didn’t feed off the misery of her patients.

Danny hadn’t intended to ever return to Fenton Works, but when Jazz told him that Jack and Maddie sold their life's work to Wayne Enterprises and a multibillionaire playboy was about to have unfettered access to the Ghost Zone, he was. . . concerned. To say the least. And that was why he was in the middle of doing some light sabotage when Tim Drake-Wayne and a guy in a trenchcoat who reeked of cigarette smoke entered the basement lab. It’s why he was hiding under the Specter Speeder removing the ecto-engine, and there to overhear the conversation that followed.

“So, am I right in thinking that’s a Lazarus Pit?” Tim asked Constantine.

The older man stared at the portal, then at Tim, then at the portal for an uncomfortably long time. Then he pulled out a flask and drained half its contents before saying, “Yes and no. That is basically the same substance as the pits, but I think that this does something else entirely. It seems like this machine basically functions as a summoning circle, but instead of pulling one entity from one side to the other, this is just an open doorway that is perpetually pulling in anything or anyone who gets within its sphere of influence.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing, John.”

“It’s really not,” 

“So what does that mean, is it like a blown hatch in space causing rapid depressurization?” Tim felt a little ill at the thought. “What is it even pulling into our world?”

“No, no. Nothing so dramatic as that. It’s more like, hm, so the way summoning circles work is they invite or compel a specific entity to manifest, by basically making a one-way magical portal for them. This portal is kinda like an invitational summoning, which entices, but doesn’t force anyone to enter. Usually a summoning will have a purpose though, and the being you summon will be offered a deal. If this is doing what I think it is and pulling citizens of the Infinite Realms through and leaving them on this side without a contract or direction, they’re probably getting pretty frustrated and causing havoc. It’s like offering someone a job in another country so they have to get a visa and uproot everything, only to get off the plane and find an empty office, no housing, and no paycheck.” John lit up a cigarette and took a drag.

Tim wrinkled his nose, but knew from long experience that it wasn’t worth it to argue about American tobacco restrictions in the workplace with Constantine, especially while the man was doing him a favor. Also, the man looked like he really needed either a cigarette or another drink, and he’d prefer second hand smoke to a drunk sorcerer. “So then why hasn’t this town been overrun by these beings from the Infinite Realms?”

“Good question kid, but what I really want to know is how is this portal staying open? Really, how was it opened in the first place is the most pressing issue.” John mused.

Tim had already located the blueprints for the portal while waiting for Constantine, but either the Fentons had intentionally falsified the documents to seem plausible just long enough to make off with the money, or he just didn’t understand enough of the interaction between physics and the occult to comprehend how the portal could possibly function. 

He flipped back through the blueprints while the blond man sat cross legged in front of the swirling green portal and his low, distracted mutterings took on the cadence of a chant. The curl of smoke from his lit cigarette unfurled into some kind of spell array, and began to glow. Huh, maybe Tim shouldn't be too quick to judge him for tobacco misuse. Tim triple checked the flat file for any more information about the portal, and came up empty handed.

John, meanwhile, kept chanting as the magical array grew and spread to encompass the entire entrance to the portal. At last he stopped speaking and stood up, stepping back to double check his work. “Alright, Drake. You might wanna close your eyes for this one. It’s gonna be bright,” he said, popping his cigarette back between his lips. Then he stepped forward and blew a mouthful of smoke on the center of the array. The smoke caught against the softly glowing lines, pushing them until they floated back and collided with the nebulous green swirls and, despite Tim closing his eyes, flashed so incandescently white he could see them through his eyelids.

“OW! Fuck!!” John clutched his face, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I’m doubling my consulting fee,” he grumbled under his breath.

“You alright?” Tim asked, blinking spots out of his vision.

“Yeah, yeah. Just give me a sec.” He too was blinking now. “That was not supposed to be so bright.”

“I’m assuming it worked though.”

“It had bloody well better ’ave worked.” The older man squinted at the slightly dimmer lines which still shone painfully bright against the green. “Oh. Yeah, that worked. Fuck. . .”

“What?” Tim looked on in alarm as Constantine pressed a hand over his mouth. 

“Oh man. What wanker did you say created this portal?”

“Presumably Drs. Madeline and Jack Fenton. Why?” He drew the last syllable out skeptically. 

“Because, they opened this portal with a child sacrifice, and bound his death and all the lost life potential to their bloody machine to create a perpetual gateway to the Infinite Realms.”

[gaywineauntsstuff]

the reason I hate the "Tim doesn't trust Dick after Damian/spyral/ric" is because they are besties your honour.

Like there's a post going around that I cannot for the life of me find that says Dick is Tims trusted adult and they are so right fr ong.

Because despite what Fanon believes Dick is a pretty chill guy and people take one look at him and go "let me unload my emotional baggage on you"

There's like a very famous panel (that im too lazy to find or remember the name of the run its in okay don't yell at me) where Tim basically goes "soooo my girlfriends pregnant" and Dick nearly falls off the roof.

Tim is calling Dick for the dumbest shit imaginable to the world ending and so are the rest of the batkids.

so I have taken the Canon that Dick knows if not all but most and generalised it to hell.

-------------------------

Jason has been on a team with like 80% of OG titan members

they're having gossip session

Jason in a war zone dodging bullets with his bat travel mug in his hand: And THEN! Kori and Roy shared this look and you know the look they give you when they're judging you for bat reasons and you're like tell me why you're mad I was raised by a crazy person my normal levels are skewed.

Dick in NYC with a blueberry bagel In one hand, his Turkish coffee in another, just finished meeting up with Donna who gave him THAT exact look: No REALLLLL why are they like that, just tell me which one of the creepy traits I internalised as a child is bothering you.

Jason: omg you get it anyway so I grab the bomb and start playing soccer with it because its round and im bored and starfire takes it away like idk what im doing? bro ive been bombed I know how to work with a bomb..

Dick: hmmm and then what happened

Jason: and then.....

--------------------------

Tim: Dickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Dick: yea Tim

Tim: Kon is being a dick

Dick: oh?

Tim: yeah and its really starting to bother me man

Dick who knows Kon is dead and Tim is either hallucinating or drugged to be more susceptible to manipulation and is already on his way: hmm tell me more babybird whys he upsetting my lil brother

Tim about to tell Dick what is a fever dream bc he contracted pneumonia and is loopy off his ass on painkillers:

---------------------------

steph does this more with babs in the hero scene but its just... so easy and totally gets into the habit of it after Dick is her Batman for a bit and now she uses him as her civilian life therapist

Steph on her way back from campus: and then this bitch looks me up and down and pours her coffee cup down my shirt!

Dick on his way back to blud after decking bruce in the face: hold on hold on hold on she did what??

Steph nodding vigorously even though he can't see her: pulls my whole ass sweater away from my body and pours her peats coffee down my goddamn shirt Dick.

Dick: omg she didnt

Steph still nodding: she DID and then I found out from Jonny who found out from Vivian that someone told her I made out with her boyfriend at Leos house party

Dick who has no idea who any of these people are: wait but you were at Leos for like an hour max last week. we has smoothies after.

StepH: exactly so I had proof that I wasn't there and confronted her and went like. I don't want your crusty ass alt white boy whose favourite 'indie' band is the neighbourhood. I dated Tim fucking Drake the OG crusty ass white boy and I don't do repeats

Dick choking on his coffee:

Steph: anyway we are besties now and planning on getting her boyfriend back because apparently he cheated on her with this drop dead gorgeous girl and im high key a lil complimented she thought we were the same person.

Dick who initially called for casework and is actually so happy one of the people he calls siblings is actually like living a life outside of vigilantism: tell me more

Steph: you sound a little teary

dick: don't worry about it

-------------------------

Damian: Richard

Dick: Damian

Damian: so I might be skipping patrol with father

Dick:? what you love patrol??

Damian: and school

Dick: Dames? what's going on:? is everything okay? you can talk to me

Damian: I am volunteering at a hospital

Dick: kid

Damian: Listen before you sAY anything I know what we do is important but I think I can help in another way and -

Dick had brown parents and was training for the olympics at 8, totally knows what its like to have insane expectations and rebel with a day job: kid kid calm down okay? you wanna be a doctor? is that it?

Damian: well? I dont really know but I just? there has to be another way to help people. besides what we do I mean-

Dick: Alfred left me Thomas waynes journals I initially thought they were to bash your fathers head in when he was being stupid but it seems the old man was looking out for us. Wanna take a stab at your other grandpas legacy when you come over next weekend. I'll tell Bruce we patrolled so you get a few more days off.

Damian: you're the best

[demonic0angel]

Oracle caught Jazz and Jason doing the suspect challenge through coms and the cameras on their suits. She doesn't think twice about sending the live fed into the family chat.

Red Hood: *as Wolf is running* Suspect constantly has back problems and needs me to massage her back because otherwise, she'll complain.

Wolf: I'm 6'6"! It's bc of my height!

Red Hood: Not sure if it's only your height...

Wolf:

Red Hood:

Wolf:

Wolf: Give me the damn camera.

Red Hood: Yes, ma'am.

————

Wolf: *as Red Hood is running* Suspect complains about everyone being dressed like a traffic light, but his head is literally a ketchup bottle.

Red Hood: First of all, this is my motif, okay? Second of all, this is a great 'fuck you' to the Joker. Third of all, the Robins all look like shit.

Wolf: And you decided that wearing a bright red, shiny helmet made you look cooler than them?

Red Hood: Okay now—

————

Red Hood: Suspect has three siblings but won't let me meet them for some reason.

Wolf: Hood, they would tear you apart like cotton candy.

Red Hood: But you'd protect me, right?

Wolf: *sighs fondly* Yes, I suppose I have to, if I want to get paid.

Red Hood: I knew stealing Bruce Wayne's credit card would help me in the long run.

————

Wolf: Suspect desperately needs therapy due to daddy issues and unchecked trauma, but he refuses because he says it makes him less cool.

Red Hood: I'm too cool for a therapist.

Wolf: How about if I give you some one-on-one advice, hmm? For a start?

Red Hood: One-on-one time with you, princess? Say less.

————

Red Hood: Suspect once got caught with a smut book by one of our men and blamed it on me.

Wolf: BECAUSE IT WAS YOU!! WE WERE READING IT TOGETHER AND YOU KNOW IT!!

*camera cuts out*

The batfamily stared at the screen, which had cut off. On another screen were Wolf and Red Hood, still chatting enthusiastically on the roof of where they stopped filming, although the phone camera was turned off.

Red Robin looked slowly at Batman, whose face was so stony that he could've been mistaken for a gargoyle.

"I'll tell Agent A to invite Wolf to dinner with us since Hood won't?"

"Hn."

Oracle sighed. "And I'll delete this from the internet. It's not too incriminating, but if I see even a clip of this on my feed, I'm going to flip a table."

There were murmurs of agreement from everyone. After all, no one wanted to see Jason flirting with his crush on their page.

[supermenz]

one

summary: One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do; two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one. Or: you're two years old when you lose your parents. Your brother, a kid himself, is unable to give you the love you deserve, and you end up at twenty being as burn out as only a Gotham University student can be. So, what do you do? Change scenery, of course.

pairing(s): clark kent x wayne!reader, bruce wayne x sister!reader, eventual platonic batfam x reader (no use of y/n)

warnings: genius kid trope, kinda doomed siblings, language, there are reference to what happens in "the batman" but there will be a merge of both comics and films, written with david!superman in mind cuz he's my pookie 😞, bruce is so pathetic i love him sm

word count: 2.2k

author's note: my first ever fanfic for the dc universe!! constructive criticism is welcomed as english is not my first language,

next | series masterlist

Gotham has left you feeling more claustrophobic in the last few months than it did all your life. 

Maybe it’s because you’re seeing your brother slip into his work — aka beating criminals in the night as a hobby — more and more, or maybe it’s just your brain playing tricks on you. It’s probably the latter. 

You’ve never been good with emotions — it comes with being a Wayne, and surely, having your parents die before you were three didn’t help your situation. Bruce spending most of your childhood abroad with barely any contact with you also probably didn’t help either. 

“But I’m here now,” he had said once, “Am I not?”

He is, but even if you love him with all your heart, sometimes you think that you’re more like colleagues rather than siblings. Your bond is strained, with him being so closed-off and spending most of his free time cosplaying as a bat, and you having just entered your twenties, trying to get your second degree in biology after an early graduation and an even earlier PhD in engineering. And since his first big case four years ago, neither of you has been the same. 

Your relationship has never been easy. The flood and the Riddler’s case basically forced you to trauma bond over what you both had experienced, as surely no therapist would’ve wanted to hear about all the horrors that you two experienced, even for all the money in the world. Besides, it’s not like Bruce could just enter a therapist’s office and tell them that he’s the fucking Batman. 

As of now, you tend to have your… ups and downs. Both prefer to just hide behind paperwork, projects, cases or research rather than just talk some things out. Because yes, Bruce’s your brother, but that doesn’t mean he’s easy to love. There are some days where he seems to be barely able to talk to you, others where you know he just wants to scream at you for whatever reason, others where… others where you think he might just crumble at your feet and start crying. 

You don’t have a lot in common. Maybe that’s why he manages to stay in Gotham even after all that’s happened — combined with the fact that he’s spent ten years or so abroad. Maybe you need that, too. 

“I’m thinking of moving out,” you tell him during one of your rare dinners together. You have already talked about your plan to Alfred, who has shown his support towards the idea and urged you to get out of Gotham as soon as you could, but you also wanted to tell Bruce — just to be honest with him. 

Yes, he left you to study abroad all those years ago without any kind of goodbye or anything, but you have no intention of leaving him behind like he did to you — you may be grown adults now, but that doesn’t mean that being left behind doesn’t exist anymore. You doubt Bruce would ever feel left behind by you, of all people, but still. “Found a faculty in Metropolis that will be able to transfer all my credits and studies and a nice flat downtown near the Wayne Enterprises’ site there. I think I need a breath of fresh air– I need to go somewhere where the sun actually shines and not everyone has hidden agendas.”

You’ve heard good things about Metropolis, and you think that the Martha Wayne Foundation could be expanded a bit more — somewhere far from Gotham, where surely there are other orphanages, other people in need that could use some help. “I could handle Wayne Enterprise’s gestion and settle our matters there while continuing my studies in a more… calm environment.” calm is a big word for a metropolitan city as big and populated as Metropolis, but every city is calm in contrast to Gotham.  

Your brother doesn’t say anything. He just stares at you, wide-eyed, fork still raised to eat the potatoes Alfred cooked, his face blank. Is he having a heart attack? You didn’t think that you moving out would’ve been such horrendous news for him. Yes, even if you are not that close he’s still very protective, but he went to live abroad at ten. You’re twenty and you’re just… moving to Delaware. It’s not like you’re going to the fucking Himalaya mountains as he did. 

(Meanwhile, Bruce is spiraling. He wonders when the hell did his little sister grow up, how it can be that she isn’t the little girl he used to sway around anymore, and why would she ever want to move out. Is it because of him? Did something happen? 

Isn’t Metropolis in another state? Is he so tremendous that you have to move states in hopes to forget about him? Is he too overbearing? He thought he had always given you enough space to do your own thing–)

Instead of saying all of the things he’s thinking, he tries to muster up a smile, even if it comes out as a grimace. “Alright.” 

He nearly jumps out of his seat when you beam at him — is he really that obnoxious that you can’t wait to move out and have him out of your life? “Oh, I’m happy that you’re taking it well! I was afraid you’d freak out.” you get up from your seat and move over to hug him, and he chuckles nervously. “Why would I? You’re an adult, you can do what you want.” 

(What do you mean?!, his conscience screams in his head, She isn’t even twelve! Just yesterday she was talking about going to the homecoming dance with her friends–

But time has passed, and even if Bruce feels that it was particularly hard on him, he didn’t think it’d affect you too, somehow. It’s weird acknowledging something’s — someone’s — changes in the years in… so little. He had gotten so used to you being his little sister that he didn’t even think about you becoming a full on woman. He still remembers the pink bundle of blankets your parents had given him that day at the hospital, telling him to be careful with her, she’s your little sister.

When have you grown this much? Where did the time go? He swears it was just yesterday when you were admitted to Gotham University.) 

“But… a flat? Are you sure you’ll be comfortable there? It’s not exactly as big as a manor.” 

You avoid his gaze, scratching the back of your head. “Yeah, about that…”

He raises an eyebrow, “Let me guess, you bought the whole building?” 

You snap your fingers, “They don’t call you the greatest detective for nothing!” you sit back down, cutting the meat on your plate, “I plan on making the floors I won’t live in into a laboratory of sort– almost like the Batcave, y’know, so I can continue working on the models I designed undisturbed.”

When Bruce had started his crusade as Batman, you had just gotten your bachelor’s degree in engineering, and were working on your master’s degree. You had basically given him the head-start, creating the software of the Batcomputer (or of the computer, as he calls it), designed and adapted a sport’s car to the Batmobile (just call it the car, Bruce always insists) and basically modified and created every single one of the gadgets and systems he uses. 

You just hope he won’t let the Batcomputer get hacked as soon as you land in Metropolis — you spent weeks programming her and years perfecting her system. You spent so much time on her, she might as well be your firstborn by now. 

“I’ll always be a call away,” you murmur when your brother’s eyes get a little dazy, unfocused– like he’s in another world, always thinking about the worst that could happen. “You know that, right?”

Bruce blinks. “Yeah. Yeah, I– I know that.” 

(He isn't sure about that.) 

You pat his hand, mustering a smile. "Maybe you should take a break, too. Why don't you book a vacation in, let's say... the Bahamas? Just to get a bit tanned and remember what the sun actually looks like."

He shakes his head. "Can't. Batman doesn't go on vacation."

You raise an eyebrow, sighing in defeat. "Well, I'm sure the GCPD could handle Gotham for a few days, but do as you like."

Your arrival in Metropolis is, of course, followed by an unhinged swarm of journalists and press that surround you as soon as you land.

You can already see the headlines — THE PRINCESS OF GOTHAM NOW IN METROPOLIS or some other corny predictable shit like that — as they shove their cameras in your face, screaming and trying to grab you, as your bodyguards try to contain them. You're much calmer than they are, having already endured years and years of invasive journalists.

“Miss Wayne, would you care to tell us the reason for this abrupt change in scenery?”

“Has your move got anything to do with your relationship with your brother?”

“Miss Wayne, look here! A smile for the front page–”

“Miss Wayne, why Metropolis, of all places?”

“Miss Wayne, a word for the Daily Planet?”

The guy for the Daily Planet catches your attention– he seems far too nice and isn’t elbowing anyone; he must be either new at the job or is too nice for it. He’s got a mop of curly, black hair atop his head, thick glasses perched on his nose, baby blue eyes behind them. His posture is a little crooked — he’s getting squeezed by reporters on both of his sides — but, even as disheveled as he is, you notice a thing. 

Ohh, he’s pretty. Like, jaw-dropping pretty, the kind of pretty that makes you want to bite his cheek and never let go for the rest of your life. 

You stop in your tracks, lifting your sunglasses to your head, bodyguards panicking at the swarm of journalists that suddenly all point to one direction; you reach for the pocket of your jeans and take out a business card that you pat on the pretty reporter’s chest. “Another time, pretty boy,” you promise as he takes the card, his fingers brushing yours, the other journalists speechless around you. “I’m kinda busy right now.” 

You don’t stay long enough to see him blush and hold the business card tight in his palm so that the other reporters don’t snatch it out of his grip — the bodyguards urge you forward, towards the SUV with obscured windows that is waiting for you right in front of the arrivals’ exit of the airport. One of them opens the door for you, and you don’t hesitate to get inside, the car speeding off as soon as everyone’s inside. 

“Never seen anything like this,” one of the men mutters.

You shrug, “I’ve had worse.” 

The ride to your building is short, mostly because it’s late in the evening and there aren’t many people still around. You leave a generous tip to both the bodyguards and the driver, thanking them but assuring them that you can walk alone the thirty steps that separate you from the entrance to what’ll be your home for the foreseeable future. They help you take out your trolley and duffle bag, which you swing over your shoulder right after taking the keys of the building out. 

You open the front door, carefully closing it behind you, taking the elevator right in front of it. You press the number thirty out of thirty-four, which turns green with a ding, and wait for the doors to open back up. And once they do, you’re not disappointed. 

The loft is arranged just like how you asked the movers to — it would’ve been hard not to, as you sent them the 3D interior design plan you had made, but still. You’ve been raised with the idea that if you want something done well, you have to do it yourself, so you’re pretty happy about how it turned out. 

Still, something’s missing. 

You check around the loft for any pieces of missing furniture or something like that, not finding anything. You even go back to the 3D model to make sure that everything got here safe and sound, only to find that yes, everything is in the colour you ordered and exactly in the place you asked for it to be. 

You sit on the U-shaped couch that sits right in front of the giant windows that let on the skyline of Metropolis, eyebrows knit in deep thought. The house is nice — for fuck’s sake, you bought a whole building just for you and your projects — but it’s weird not having anyone else around. There’s no Alfred to welcome you, no half-asleep Bruce roaming without an idea of where he is, no squeaking and creaking of the floor when you walk. 

You sigh. “Maybe I should get a cat.” 

[batbux]

One of the bats has to go undercover as a patient of a particularly suspect new and upcoming therapist. Bruce already has a backstory fleshed out and a cover identity, but that's no fun now is it.

Dick: Okay, the bat council is now in session. First things first-

Steph: I'm the realest.

Jason: Shut the fuck up.

Dick: No, no arguing. We're here on a MISSION.

Tim: That's right, a very important mission.

Dick: One of us has to go undercover as Dr. Hoffman's patient. But why? Why are we seeking therapy?

Tim: Wrong answers only. If any of you get too real, Dick can and will find you a real therapist.

Dick: And Tim, no superhero related answers. Bernard's PowerPoint nights give you too much of an advantage.

Tim: You're just jealous I know that Batman is actually a tulpa.

Jason: You shut the fuck up too.

---

Dick: Okay, I'll go first to get the obvious answer out of the way. I'm going because I'm secretly Batman, BUT I'm not here about that. I just have incredibly selective amnesia and can't remember the code to the Batmobile.

Jason: Oh that one's good. Let me think.

Steph: Hoffman is a man, right?

Dick: Right.

Steph: Easy, I'll claim womanly problems. Maybe get prescribed a vibrator.

Tim: *wheezes*

Dick: Ok Gotham's in the dark ages of psychology but not THAT much.

Steph: Spoilsport. Fine, I'm Batman's long lost twin sister.

Duke: Come on, we can't all go to therapy because of Batman.

Jason: I don't know, I feel like all of us should go to therapy because of Batman.

Cass: I'll go because I'm Batman.

Jason: I'd vote for you.

Duke: I think I would go because Metropolis isn't real.

Tim: Like, the whole city is-

Duke: It's a conspiracy. The government wants us to think there's this wonderful city where nothing bad ever happens and an actual alien from space saves the day. Tries to make us buy into some utopian bullshit.

Tim: Hoffman's just going to drive you there.

Duke: Ha! He's not getting ME to a secondary location. He might be in on it.

Steph: Compelling, definitely compelling. I nominate Duke's for first place.

Jason: Don't jump the gun.

Tim: Yeah, you haven't heard ours.

Steph: Well? Let's hear it then.

Tim: I'm an alien spy, sent here to study humans. Only I'm not doing well because I was taken in by rich people and they act weirder than me. I want to know what it means to be human, but whenever I look around all I see is how to make a good margarita. It makes me... sad.

Steph: That's no good. We said wrong answers only.

Jason: Solid four out of ten.

Tim: Fuck off.

Jason: I think I would go because I was convinced I was the second coming of Jesus which is all fine and good, but my whole family is Jewish so it's making things a little awkward at the dinner table.

Steph: You did come back from the dead.

Jason: I did and I'll tell him that. Took a little longer than three days this time, though.

Tim: Okay, I'll be honest. Jason and Duke's are the best.

Dick: Hold on- Damian, do you have an answer?

Damian: Of course. And not one so foolish.

Duke: Well?

Damian: Well, my whole family is comprised of vigilantes and I'm under a lot of stress to be one as well and continue the family tradition. I will of course swear him to secrecy and avoid naming any vigilantes by name.

Dick: ...

Jason: This is what I'm talking about. This is exactly what I'm-

Dick: Yes, okay. Game's over. All of you are getting psych referrals in your inbox by the morning.

Steph: What about-

Dick: Duke won.

[spacedace]

So I've seen a lot of "Jazz works as a therapist at Arkam" in the dp x dc fandom, and while I like the concept, I also feel like Jazz would take one look at the place and immediately be like "what the absolute fuck" at just the everything of the place.

Like, she either nopes out after the tour during the interview or quits not too long afterward starting there, not because she can't take it but because she's so appalled by what's going on there and can smell the corruption rolling off the place and knows no one sent to there is ever actually going to get the help they need.

So Jazz decides to open a private practice instead while still being absolutely determined to work with the various rogues in the city, she is here to help and nothing is going to stop her.

So she just starts showing up at known hangouts of rogues and during their heists/schemes/sprees, and even fights between them and the batfam, just like

"Hi! It’s so nice to meet you! My name is Dr. Jasmine Fenton/Nightingale/whatever last name she’s using and I was hoping we could talk!"

Casually kicks a baterang away without looking because she's being polite and professional!

"I understand that your experience with therapy through Arkam has been nothing but atrocious and that you are rightfully -"

Kicks Batman away without breaking eye contact or a sweat.

"Suspicious of attempting therapy again, and Idon't want to force anything on you, therapy should be on your terms after the experiences you've had but -"

Grabs Robin out of the air as he leaps at the rogue she's talking to and tucks him under her arm, ignoring his feral hissing and all attempts to break her hold.

"-I really think that you'd find it beneficial, even if I'm not the right therapist for you."

The rogue in question is having the time of their life and takes Jazz's business card - and a few extra to pass around - not really intending to actually ever book a therapy appointment with her but way too entertained and excited to share this madness with everyone else.

But then one of the rogues actually looks up Jazz's website and sees all the various safe guards she’s put in place to ensure that any villians that come to her will be protected while seeing her - soundproof therapy room, regular sweeps for listening and tracking devices, the most insane firewalls and protections anyone has ever seen on her network, and ooh she provides snacks and drinks!

So someone finally books an appointment with her, half convinced she's either going to turn them in or is a villain herself intent to experiment on them, but then it’s actually really nice??? And they feel a lot better afterwards?? She doesn't even say anything to indicate that she wants them to stop being villains, she just wants them to be okay??

So more and more rogues start going to her, and Batman was already losing his mind about this woman before - Oracle can't hack her system?!? And her background check shows a totally normal Psychiatrist?? - but now half of Gotham's heavy hitters and a dozen or so other minor league villains are seeing her regularly and every time he tries to get info on any plans the rogues might be scheme via her office it fails utterly. Nightwing got knocked out with something called a creep stick and when he tried to break in himself to get answers she just appeared out of no where and gave him the most scathing lecture about doctor-patient confidentiality before bullying him off her property and threatening to sick her brother on him if he tried again?

And because she's become such a figure in the Gotham underworld, she gets the attention of Joker.

And everyone, rogues and Bats alike, are terrified that she’s going to try and take him on as a patient like she has so many other villains in the city and that's just a recipe for tragedy.

But then the Joker is on his way to the hospital with two broken legs and the fear of god beat into him babbling about eldritch nightmares and whenever anyone asks Jazz what happened she just shrugs and just says things like "I refused him as a patient, he's not my problem." Or "My brother doesn't like clowns." And just, does not elaborate.

Batman is losing his mind over it all. Jazz is just happy to be able to actually help the rogues. Arkam is less happy about how she absolutely destroys their reputation.

[brucewaynehater101]

Saw the ask about rogues and civilians thinking Red Robin died while he's off on BruceQuest AND discovering he spent years undercover as a sex worker and thus band together to makes entire sections of the city impossible for other Bats to enter

Fuck, how does this affect Red Hood? From Jason's own personal thoughts on Tim and (how much does he learn?) to his reputation

Yeah when Tim's hero reputation is irreparably FUCKED before he does things himself and goes off on BruceQuest, all hell is breaking loose and now a good chunk of Gotham's people and rogues are . . .

As far as they know right after the kid got Smear Campaigned he fucking DIED

Wtf would they even do after that?

Dick-as-Batman is gonna have it horrifically, how are civilians and rogues gonna treat Damian as Robin? Will they try and kidnap Dami to try and save him from Jane Doe's fate?

What does any major character think of this? Individually or collectively?

How does this affect their relationships with each other? Oh God, Alfred; what about him?

During BruceQuest do rogues and civilians alike try to reach out to the third Robin's associates to see if they need help themselves like Cassie

Joker???? What about him and if this is a timeline where Tim was earlier Joker Junior'd? What will he think when news comes out what will he do?

Does Harley decide, after Red Robin returns and it's revealed the kid is alive and well, to go "Joker is objectively 100% awful but he was up to something" and adopt Tim as her own kid of sorts, but without Joker sharing custody and doing it with her owm friends instead like Ivy?

My brains melting, go crazy go stupid

Alright!!! Let's try to answer the questions ^^

For Jason/Red Hood, it depends on how much RH is associated with the Bats. Before the BruceQuest, it might not be well-known that he's allies with the Bats (especially because he's shot at or tried to beat him up). Depending on how public his aggression towards Robin (now RR) was, this might endear him to the areas that are closed off. As far as emotionally, there Jason had to resort to crime and desperate measures just to eat. Dealer's choice on whether he had to resort to selling himself or not. Regardless, I bet Jason throws up repeatedly in horror and distraught after finding out that Tim has been doing that during his time as Robin (not sure when Tim would have started, but at least as young as 15). There's a bit you can explore there with angst and shit (especially since Jason attacked Tim at the age of 15).

I think that maybe Gothamites would believe that Robin has lost his marbles in grief. However, that makes perfect sense due to everything he's been through (as far as what's publicly known of him being a child therapist, Robin, and losing Batman). Despite them thinking it's possible he did lose himself, at least he wasn't putting people in the hospital like Batman did. I think they would be more upset that RR wasn't supported and how hypocritical everyone was.

It's a toss-up on how they would treat Damian. It probably varies between despising the child for taking over R3's place, wanting to protect him, and being indifferent to Batman throwing another child into the line of fire.

Alfred is debatable. How cruel it is to Alfred and how the old man reacts depends entirely on how he acted to Tim during his years of Robin, whether the 16th birthday incident happened, and whether he intervened when Damian said harsh comments to Tim. That would change Alfred's reaction to being either "fuck it's all my fault" or "what more could I have done so this didn't happen?"

Maybe a rogue or two tries to reach out to RR's non-Gothamite associates. I'm curious how Anarky reacts to all of this.

Adding JJ to this AU would be so fucking cruel to Tim, but I'm down for that. That would give him parent issues with 3 sets of parents, but Harley is just a complicated mess of emotions and shit. I think she would take on more of an aunt role to Tim due to the whole JJ incident. There could be some angst there with Tim calling her Aunt Harley

[solar-wing]

⚣ Therapist BatBro 👓

⚣👓 A/N → Therpist BatBro makes his debut. The second pic is honestly what I feel a therapy session in the Wayne family would look like. This is from another request I got from my previous account.

⚣👓 Summary → Your family isn't pleased with your new hobby or group of friends. But, somehow you've made it a business. Gotta respect the hustle at least.

⚣👓 Words → 2.3k

REBLOGS and replies are greatly appreciated, please! 👓

⚣ ENJOY 👓

The way I see it, you're either a vigilante with the fam and all the villains just seem to like you for some reason and ask where you are during a battle OR you're not a vigilante and you volunteer at Arkham (which would be absolutely insane but it's Arkham so it breaks even) and everyone there is cool with you. Even the Joker (which won't fly well with Jason at all).

We're going to go with the second option for this one.

So, since Bruce was adamant about you not joining the family business as a vigilante since you were the youngest and he had an unyielding urge to protect you and your childhood innocence, you needed to find something to do in your free time.

What better than to volunteer at a crazy house for psychopathic murdering villains?

Of course, considering Arkham was filled mainly with criminals your father had put there along with your siblings, it probably wouldn’t be wise to do that since they’d obviously wouldn’t approve.

SO, you did it anyway and just didn't tell them.

BatBro contemplating...

Duke was the first to find out. Batman had supplies Arkham needed but since he was at work and Duke always took the day shift as everyone liked to joke, who better to drop it off than him? Imagine his surprise when he finds his baby bro in there serving ice cream to Mr. Freeze.

"Here ya go Fries, my man. I sprinkled some ice shavings on there to make it a little tangier for you..." You said handing him the cone.

"Ha ha ha, aren't you hilarious." Victor Fries replied with a genuine smile. As far as The Signal persona knew, he was only capable of smirking or mean-mugging the shit of people, with the exception of an occasional shivering face while mocking someone for how cold they were.

'Oh, they're not gonna believe this...' Duke thought, racing home right after. The way he left the institution, the guards almost thought there was a breakout or a fight going on. Nope, but there might be when he told everyone.

Of course, no one believed him at first, just staring at the dude as if he just said the craziest thing in the world like Bruce being an emotionally available parent.

When you came home that night acting cagey and weirder than normal, they figured something was going on and maybe you were at Arkham but for something completely different than what Duke thought it could be. Because, there would be no way Bruce Wayne’s, aka Batman, own son would ever even consider fraternizing with criminals, let alone his enemies. Right?

So, like any other sane, normal family who responded to distressing situations with maturity and rationality... they spied on you.

Damian, Tim, & Cass followed you the next day. Tim was understandably distraught but also curious how you could have managed to form a friendship with Gotham's criminally insane.

Like...THEY WERE INSANE. But, when he really thought about it, considering the family you came from...yeah, okay. He can see the correlation now.

Damian, however, refused to believe his little brother could be so stupid and dense. How could you form relations with the enemy like that? It was stupidity. Plain idiocy at its finest. It was betrayal!

On the other hand, it was a smart move looking from an assassin's point of view. You know the whole keep your friends close and enemies closer deal, but that was his thing. Not yours! So you'd be getting extra noogies and brotherly beatdowns when you got home. In the name of camaraderie and righting your careless decisions.

Cass thought it was fucking hilarious.

Upon their arrival and finding you trading riddle jokes with Riddler, their jaws all collectively dropped to the floor.

"Okay, okay okay..." You breathed, calming down from your wheezing laughter. "Riddle me this...I'm neither a man nor a woman but don't hurt my wittle feelings cause I'm still a person. I'll kick you and scream at you, even both during a tantrum. My ego's bigger than my head but shorter than my height, who am I?"

Riddler took a moment to think about it before the metaphorical lightbulb appeared above his head, "Boy Wonder!" He pointed.

"Which one?" You immediately responded.

"The fourth one!"

"Yes!"

Tim and Cass both had to think about it before they realized the clues in the riddle. They're eyes went wide when they realized who you were talking about, and turned to see Damian who looked ready to tear your head off with his teeth.

"He's in for it when he gets home..." He growled through his grinding teeth.

Damian pissed (Left) | Tim & Cass (Right)

Everyone was mildly concerned when they came home that night and asked them how everything went only for Damian's immediate response to be that he was going to get his revenge sketchbook.

Why Damian has a revenge sketchbook, no one knows. But, everyone was just the right amount unsettled by it.

That night at dinner there was a bit of a tense air as Damian had to be placed between both Bruce and Jason to keep him from lunging at you with his salad fork. Usually, you were used to Damian’s somewhat murderous tantrums, but this was on another level.

He almost looked like he would grow horns out of his head at any moment, which would actually be somewhat fitting. Considering he was the grandson of the Demon and all.

You also noticed how Tim and Cass kept weirdly staring at you. Neither of them said something, which was odd(well except maybe for Cass), but you just ignored it and ate your dinner.

That night, you put some of your old booby traps from when you first moved into the manor back into place. You needed some sort of reassurance and protection to help you sleep. At many points throughout the night, you shot out of bed and grabbed one of the many random weapons you had hidden around you when you thought you heard someone trying to sneak into your room.

Damian definitely tried but had learned his lesson after the last time he got caught in one of your traps. You took a lot of inspiration from movies like Home Alone and The Parent Trap.

The next day, Dick and Steph went to check out the mental institution insane asylum.

Steph also thought it was funny like Cass but in a more ironic type of way. She’d rooted for you to get your own vigilante identity and join the family business. So this was like the ultimate petty revenge and she was here for it.

But Dick just couldn't imagine you in a place like this. His sweet adorable baby brother, in this horrid mess? He was calling it, either blackmail or manipulation. A rude awakening was awaiting him around the corner.

They looked to see you in the middle of practicing a handshake with Bane.

"No Bane, fist bump, then the arm wiggle..." You said, showing him the move for the 4th time.

"Oh sorry buddy," He replied.

"No problem man, let's try again."

They watched you go through the whole routine, Steph taking a video on her phone while Dick looked in surprise and jealousy. How come you and him didn't have a handshake like that? Every little brother should want to have a cool handshake with their cool big brother! Was he not good enough?!

Steph laughing in petty (Left) | Dick breaking down (Right)

When Dick stormed into the manor later muttering about showing you a real handshake, Bruce only raised an eyebrow when Steph walked in looking thoroughly entertained like she just watched the funniest show of her life. It certainly felt like it.

That afternoon, Dick gave you the cold shoulder all day. He even canceled your weekly brother movie night, which shocked everyone, especially your dad. What could have been so bad that would cause Bruce’s first protege to treat his kid brother like this? The same kid who he’d absolutely lose it if they went to anyone other than him for advice or would pout if he didn’t get the first hug from him when in a room full of people.

Of course, he still cracked when you gave him the hurt puppy dog eyes (a trick you learned from Jason that he used to use on Bruce all the time when he was younger). Dick caved and you guys ended up watching a movie, though you were mildly concerned whenever your oldest brother paused the movie and took the time to highlight the friendship and connection between two characters, especially if they were siblings.

Something like a special code, an inside joke, or even maybe a HANDSHAKE. What does it say about a big brother if his little brother doesn’t want to have a cool special handshake with him?!

Subtle.

You just nodded along, making a mental note to avoid any family-oriented films for your next movie night.

But, after this incident, you’d fully managed to get Bruce’s attention. He knew that Dick out of all his children was usually the least likely to get irate over something that wasn’t serious. So the fact that he did, despite how unserious it may have seemed, but it was settled.

Something was going on and your dad, no…Batman was going to get to the bottom of it.

Jason decided to come along with your father, fully prepared to drag you out of the building by force if he had to. He even went as far as calling your boyfriend Conner Kent, aka Superboy, who he and Bruce had a love/hate relationship with because they couldn't really threaten the boy like they wanted to if he hurt you.

Well, Jason couldn’t at least.

Bruce had more than enough kryptonite in multiple storages across his warehouse and had no problem showing it to the half-Kryptonian as a warning.

Conner was more than a little peeved, try fucking pissed when he heard you'd been hanging out with supervillains. And he as well was ready to sling you over his shoulder if he had to. But, probably not in front of your dad who kept throwing pointed glares his way as they moved through the building.

When Batman showed up demanding to see where the volunteer by your name was, they quickly rushed to show him to your location. He couldn't fathom this. The mere thought that his youngest child, his sweet, innocent (on a good day) good-natured son, would be hanging around all his enemies, laughing with them like they were good ol pals?

He'd sooner believe Joker was going to therapy.

The shock of his lifetime was also waiting for him around the corner.

They came around to see you through a window sitting in an office room in business casual attire, holding a clipboard and writing down notes while Joker was laying on a couch with his cuffed hands resting on his chest, venting out his emotions.

"And sometimes, I do feel like I go a bit far. But, I can't take all the blame. I mean, everyone paints me as the villain, but Batsy plays into our little game just as much as I do. Why does he get painted as the hero and me as a crazy clown? Well, you know, besides the clown face, HAHAHA!" He vented, ending with his usual eerie cackle.

"Uh-huh, and how does that make you feel?" You asked while scribbling a few notes on your legal pad and adjusting the fake glasses on your face before turning around at the sound of the door opening.

You felt your heart drop in your stomach when you saw your father, brother, and boyfriend all staring at you with very unhappy looks.

"BATSY! Oh, do come in! We were just talking about you. I think it's about time you and I got some relationship counseling." Joker exclaimed.

Not one word was said while Conner grabbed you by your wrists, (gently of course because he's caring like that) and dragged you out of the room, Jason not too far behind, ready to tear you a new one. Batman held his shoulder, while Joker just watched in amusement, "Guess my hour's up."

You, Bruce, and Jason arguing (Left) | Joker enjoying the show (Right)

You were immediately brought home after getting an earful from Jason to which you offered him his own free session.

He agreed.

Bruce demands to know why you would even consider going there, socializing with those people.

"Well, seeing as how I can't join the family business, I figured I could do some good in some way. And villains or not, they've got good in them! Just you know, when they're not trying to murder people." You answered.

You were interrupted by your other siblings appearing before you felt an arm forcibly turn you around which Conner raised an annoyed eyebrow at, but he kept his mouth shut.

"What does Bane have that I don't? Am I not good enough as an older brother to have a handshake with?"

You sighed, "Is that why you were so upset the other day?! Ugh, would you like to create a special handshake with me, Dick?"

" Yes! Super secret too! You can't have any handshakes with anybody else!" He hugged you while you patted his back.

Brothers could be so needy sometimes.

You could see your boyfriend eyeing you both with the strangest look. In your defense, he had plenty of warning of how weird your family was.

Before things could calm down too much though, everyone heard a shrill voice screaming your name from the top of the staircase.

"Y/N!"

"Fuck..." You muttered under your breath, before turning to see Tim and Cass giving you nervous looks.

“You were there with Riddler, weren’t you?”

They could barely look you in the eye as you turned to see Damian standing on the banister, holding one of your slippers in his hand.

"Who's short now?!" 

Alfred went to get the first aid kit.

Damian with your slipper...

BONUS:

☀️ | Bat Family | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

[mrmanbat]

Saw that you reread Red Robin and wanted to ask abt ur thoughts on it all :3 that whole series is some of my fav comics ever- plus I own the full set lol. Favorite part? Something you didnt like? Thoughts about Tim's development and character throughout? Thoughts on the whole Ra's situation? Tim being passively suicidal lol. Or how Tim gets. Just so many bitches. All the bitches. Tim Drake canonically gets bitches. They really look at his failboy swag and go "Yeah I'd hit that" 😭 wheezing.

Anyway yeah, they're like my fav comics so what are your thoughts on them?

And Happy Christmas! Or Happy Holidays if you do not celebrate. Merry ChristmaHannuKwanzaa!

Happy Holidays! (sorry if this does sound cohesive- I wrote right after finishing a 17-page essay, and my brain is actually fried)

The RR comics are so nostalgic to me; they were literally the reason I even picked up a comic in the first place.

The comedy in them gets me every time like Damian accusing Steph of stuffing her bra, gold. And the unintentional stuff like giving Tim an ungodly amount of rizz is just so funny, I can't. Bros is literally a Casanova but can't enjoy it bc, yk, he's busy trying to bring his father back from what is essentially death.

He's just in a long downhill spiral, yk? And he just progressively gets worse throughout his run as RR. The scene where Tims accepts death but Dick swoops in to catch him, and Tim has to lie his ass off, saying that he "knew his brother would catch him," just really brings that point home.

It started off as "No one believes me about Bruce, I'll just have to take. things into my own hands," then it goes to "I barely believe myself about Bruce, but it's too late to turn back now," to "Fuck this, if I die I die- womp womp, too bad I won't be able to tell Dick 'i-told-you-so"'

Tim is self-aware of his self-destructive nature; he knows that all his friends and family are trying to get him to seek help, but he just doesn't care. To him, the mission is more important- batman is more important.

(Side note- Dick trying to get Tim to see a therapist is a lot more impactful than how Fanon twisted it into Dick-trying-to-send-time-to-Akham.)

I'm split on the Ra's thing. I love the concept; I think he was a good choice for the main 'villain,' and I think there was so much potential with Tim reluctantly having to work with Ra's. I just don't think it was done all too well by the writers. A good chunch of Ra's motivation didn't align with his character- at least, I don't think so. And the whole thing with his sister just feels so unnecessary and gross.

Overall, though, I flipping love these comics. They would be better if DC didn't, yk, undo all the cherecter development by making Tim Robin again, but whatever. You win some, you lose some.

[breakandbuildfiction]

Another Rant About DPxDC Tropes

I didn’t write out all my thoughts on everything in the DPxDC fandom last time, so I decided to write this follow up with some more of them. This time I will primarily be focusing on how people go about using specific characters and their inter-character relationships.

Watering Down and Glorifying Female Characters:

I’ve noticed that this is a theme across a LOT of not only DPxDC fics and prompts, but across a lot of the fanworks for the individual franchises. People will ignore the flaws and shortcomings of female characters and overblow their positive traits purely to make them look more badass or scary compared to the male characters or to make other characters relient on them. Here are some examples:

Poison Ivy: People like to write Poison Ivy as some cool bad girl bent on environmentalism, that she’s pricily but full of ‘cool aunt’ energy. But they ignore the fact that her entire thing is drugging, mind controlling, sexually assulting, and murdering people in the name of environmental terrorism and in some itterations global genocide. She is not by any means someone a hero should be chill with outside of absolutly desperate situations, and even then she should be the second choice after Swamp Thing.

Harley Quinn: She is literally a psycopath suffering from an obsessive love disorder– that she has done a great deal to overcome– who has no problems maiming, crippling, and killing anyone who gets between her and whatever it is she wants at the moment. At her most ‘restrained’ she is working with Batman to hunt down the Joker– with her intent being to kill him– or is on the Suicide Squad taking some weird comfort in being around equally fucked up people and being assured in the knowledge that her murderous tendencies are being used for some level of ‘good’. She was also a very shitty psyciatrist who in many itterations slept her way into passing college and didn’t even last a full year as a lisenced practitioner before joining the Joker. Yes she is trying to be a better person, but she is NOT by any means a good person.

Black Canary: I think the thing I dislike most about how people treat Black Canary is that they hyperfixate on the pseudo-mom characteristics and emergency therapist role she was given in the Young Justice cartoon. I’ll admit that I haven’t read a ton of her comics, but I HAVE read some and I have watched the Justice League Unlimited cartoon as well. With that in mind I feel like people are tragically focusing on the wrong parts of her personality. She is shown to be stand offish, headstrong, confrontational, brash, and manipulative. She isn’t hero-mom coded, she is a femm fatal back street brawler who is fully open to playing off her allies ego to make them do what she wants if she can and leveraging her power and skill at violence to get what she wants. Yes she is a hero and yes she has a softer side, but god damn!

Wonder Woman: This actually goes for all Amazons of Themyscira but here it goes. Wonder Woman grew up in an extremely isolationist, xenophobic, and misandrist (Even if you ignore the run that said the island’s inhabitants are all literal murdering rapists who drown babies. I don’t think that run has been canon for a while anyways.) island nation that was literally blessed by the gods to never have to deal with things like political upheavals, drought, famine, foreign relations, or any other complexaties that real countries have to deal with. Now, to her credit, Wonder Woman isn’t NEARLY as bad as some of her countrywomen, but that doesn’t mean her upbrining hasn’t influenced her worldview and she certainly has never condemned the policies of her nation. She doesn’t treat men as scum outright by any means, but she DOES ignore the shortcomings of women and sees most if not all the troubles of the world as being the fault of the male sex. Just because the woman is empathic does not mean she isn’t a bitch. Also, base Wonder Woman would and has been dogged by base Superman many times. She is maybe the fourth or fifth most powerful JL member goes by base state abilities behind Superman, Martian Manhunter, Shazam, and maybe the Flash. That said, there are forms of Wonder Woman who would make all other base state JL members look like preschoolers pretending to be tough.

Jazz Fenton: Jazz is not a good psychologist or therapist in her teenage years. If you want to age her into her mid-twenties or later after she goes through a proper program, then by all means make her better at helping people with mental and emotional issues. But as a teen she is god aweful at those things. There is a grand total of ONE instance where she showcases actual skill at being able to pin down and identify someone’s issues and that was with Freakshow, whom in that very conversation she admits to having grown up with many of the same feelings he did regarding envy of ghosts and the attention people in her life give them. She never figured out Danny was a hero due to her skill at psychology or determining the cause of his stress, she stumbled onto him transforming after days or even weeks of forcing herself into his business and him asking and then demanding her to leave him alone. Not only this but, and I feel like this should be a very big thing with how much people love to shoehorn in trans-Danny stuff, she routinely calls people by the wrong name even when corrected by others and is told to her face by the people she is misnaming that she is wrong. Some of her names are even dehumanizing like calling Skulker ‘Ghost X’ like he’s nothing but a test subject!

Also, while I’m pretty sure she would qualify as a skilled CQC fighter, I don’t think she ever improved her aim. So while having her judo throw someone or deck them in the schnoz is good, she would probably miss if she had to shoot anyone with a Fenton Blaster at anything further than point blank range. And no, the Peeler doesn’t count, that shit was a full on mechsuit and shots that had a margin of error bigger than a car.

Valerie Grey: This one is a big one for me and probably the big reason I wanted to write this entire section so here it goes:

Valerie Grey ain’t SHIT as a hero.

Now, as a character, she is perfectly fine. She has a full arc with reasonable and understandable reactions to various events that shape her growth as a character. Granted these events make her into a shoot-first, speciesist, possibly slur-throwing, self-righteous, asshole for a while (you know how the ACAB movement sees cops? That was Valerie for a long time, just without government backing and with an oligarch sponsor instead.) but she did eventually get better after the whole thing with Dani and finding out that Vlad is Plasmious. So again, as a character she is good.

As a HERO however, she is really freaking bad. We never really see her do anything major after her revelation with Dani and before that she never actually wins any fights. Danny is always so far out of her league in fights that the only reason she isn’t dead is because he knows who she is under the mask and holds back because he doesn’t want to hurt her. He was capable of blowing up her original suit in a single blast for crying out loud! And even in her second suit he barely had any trouble keeping pace with her WHEN HE WAS ACTIVLY TRYING NOT TO HURT HER! We also never see her defeat any named ghost, I barely remember her even fighting anyone other than Danny, and she is overall just fodder as far as combat goes.

She isn’t scary, she isn’t intimidating, she isn’t the type of girl who could ‘kick Danny’s ass’, she is at best a pissed off woman with a lot of guns and fancy gadgets who thinks she's hot shit despite never winning a significant fight. 

Heroes are friends with all the Rogues… Except Joker:

Just… why? Why do people want the heroes to be friends with mass-murdering nutjobs? Be it Danny with Ivy who is basically Undergrowth with tits and a pulse, or Tucker with Technus, or Tim Drake with Harley Quinn it doesn’t make any sense! This isn’t a case of ‘Oh, when they aren’t on the job they are cool people’ like with Flash’s rogues. Nor do they have admirable moral codes or anything else. That kind of stuff is exclusive to Flash’s gallery. Why does everyone write hero or retired Danny as being friendly with villains and thinking they are cool people?! Killer Crock has a tragic backstory but he EATS PEOPLE. Scarecrow makes stuff you could call ghost drugs but he conducts routine chemical weapon attacks on civilian populations! Deathstroke is a pedo or groomer in at least two major timelines! Ra’s runs a cult that kills its OWN MEMBERS whenever they fail near-impossible tasks! Just because they aren’t as full on 24/7 creepy fucker murderers doesn’t mean they are any better than him!

On that note, why do people insist on having Sam idolize Poison Ivy or Jazz admire Harley Quinn? I don’t have a high opinion of Sam and how she goes about her activism and forcing her lifestyle and beliefs on others, but she doesn’t go around drugging people, stealing their money, forcing them to ruin their families, and then killing them! And I like to think that even if Jazz isn’t a good psychologist she would have better taste than to idolize someone who broke a very basic tenant of mental health professionals by getting too attached to her patient and went on to COMMIT MASS MURDER and help TORTURE PEOPLE in an effort of turning on her psychotic boyfriend! 

Hating Superman on Kon-El’s behalf:

I get that this trope stems from season 1 of Young Justice, which I will freely admit is an amazing season of a very good show, but I think people forget a few things: 1, Superman’s hatred/distrust of Conner manifests in avoiding him at all costs, not being rude or badmouthing him or anything of the sort, he just doesn’t want to deal with him and what Conner represents. 2, Superman grows out of his hatred/distrust of Conner in like, a year. It was an initial kneejerk reaction paired with extreme awkwardness and distress, but his stance on his clone-son with Lex does get better. And 3, the one who actually hates clones is Supergirl, Kara Zor-El. She straight up gave Conner his Kryptonian name and told him TO HIS FACE that it meant ‘Abomination in the House of El’. She basically named him a slur and said that was all he was. And as far as I am aware, she never apologizes for this nor does their relationship ever really improve beyond ‘we will work together if we absolutely have to’.

Dani and Dan call Danny ‘mom’ ((CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of SA!!!)):

Okay this one is a bit weird for this rant because I will freely admit that depending on if certain other tropes are used concurrently to this one, it makes sense, but by default I say it doesn’t. Ignoring how Danny is by default and in most cases male, his contribution to the ‘conception’ and gestation of Dani or Dan’s clone body (if you ignore A Glitch In Time and have Dan in his original body, Danny still didn’t do any gestation or anything, but things are admittingly different) only went so far as providing some DNA. Vlad did the whole cultivation thing and making sure the decanting happened safely and all that good, very important, stuff. So wouldn’t Danny be the dad in this scenario? Since the equivalent to a regular birth here would be Danny hitting and quitting with Vlad (que barfing reflex at the thought of Danny/Vlad stuff) purposely getting a baby made without Danny’s knowledge for his own benefit and desire for a child? Even if you go by the more accurate real life correlation to SA, Danny still played a male role here because he didn’t carry/grow the baby/clone.

The only reasons I can see for Danny to be labled the ‘mom’ in this situation are; Danny is more nurturing than Vlad– which by a sexist standard means he’s the maternal one–, Danny was the victim in the unauthorized baby making and is thus in the female role– again, a sexist standard–, or because people think ‘single parent’ and immediately assume ‘single mother’. (To be clear, I know that statistically women suffer all forms of SA far more often than men, which is beyond terrible, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen the other way around as well.)

Now, to be fair, if you are also doing trans-man Danny, none of this holds weight and them calling Danny ‘mom’ could stem from that, or because saying Vlad had a kid with a teenaged trans-man makes Vlad look SO much worse and by calling Danny ‘mom’ they are trying to imply that kind of narrative. Which is not a terrible way of writing a story where Danny, Dani, and Dan all hate Vlad, go for the throat and make him look as bad as possible if that’s your goal. I’m just saying that in the default state of Danny being male and Vlad being the one who looked over the cloning pods, Danny is the dad and Vlad is the mom.

[fictionalmenmakemecry]

Bruce Wayne's therapist

Author's note: Hey guys! It's been awhile and to be honest I've been craving some Batman since watching the movie ( I'm well aware that it's been over a year). I've been going back and forth wondering if I should. So here's a sample of my ideas. Let me know what you think!

Ps. This is not going to be accurate to any comics. Please don't come after me. I'm just having fun with my imagination!

Characters: Bruce Wayne x Reader (Fem!)

Summary: Bruce and you have an arrangement for both of your needs. No feelings, strictly services which you are happy to participate in.

Warnings: Fluff

"You should be asleep" I spoke out into the dark quiet room.

Computer screens were the only source of light creating his silhouette.

"Mhmm" He grumbled completely slumped in his chair.

I walked over closer to see the usual site. Bruce staring at different CCTV footage of Gotham City.

His eyes drooped with fatigue and the permanent residue of black smudges around his eyes, giving him a deathly appearance.

His eyes slowly crawled their way to me but his head never moved.

"I don't know anymore. The more I try, the worse it seems" He mumbled.

"I don't think you're going to figure it out tonight" I murmured.

We stayed in silence for awhile. He was reluctant to leave his desk but he knew I wasn't going to move. He pulled himself up out of his chair. His stature slowing towering over me.

I still couldn't believe he was Batman. I knew Bruce had a rough background but to turn into someone like Batman... Well, that was fucked.

Finding out Bruce was Batman was an accident but not a mistake I made. Stumbling upon this bomb happened in a moment of madness. But only the madness Batman would find himself in. Of course, me being in the center of it.

I was a childhood friends before anything happened to him. Before the devastation of his parents passing. We lost contact or I guess he just disappeared off the face of the earth after that. I always wondered what came of him.

As much of an recluse he is. I did run into him and after all the years, I'm surprised we recognized each other. His face going pale when he first landed his eyes on me, I still remember clear as day. But that's when I met Bruce not Batman. Which is a whole other story.

I looked up at him. His hair a mess on his head.

"Come on, let's get to bed" I nudged him lightly.

He didn't budge.

He leaned his head down making light pecks on my neck. I angled my head wanting him to keep going.

"Mhmm" I moaned quietly, feeling his hands on my hips and his thumb sneaking it's way under my shirt.

Before I knew it, he had lifted me on his desk, He wedged himself between my legs looking me in the eyes.

"I need this" He whispered.

"I know" I said softly looking into his bloodshot eyes.

He dropped his head making me comb my fingers through his dirty hair.

To say that Bruce was under pressure was an understatement. He put pressure on himself to make a change, to deal with his trauma and to solve everyone's problems. He held everything on his shoulders and when it came down to it. Sex was the only thing that broke him down from all of that.

No strings attached. He made that clear. He didn't want a relationship. He wanted therapy, in the form of sex. Which I would gladly give and have given him, for the past 6 months.

Of course, within those 6 months I did find out his big secret. To be honest, I'm not saying fucking batman was not on my bucket list but it is now and yes, yes I have crossed it off. He refuses to fuck me in the suit which I've asked several times.

But I need to remember that fucking him is fun for me, but it's needed for him and I guess fucking in the suit just doesn't do the same job, therapy wise.

I felt my shirt getting lifted more and more until I had to raise my arms to get it off me. His eyes trailing down my body with an underlying hunger which made me squirm. His fingers grazed my collarbone to my shoulder making it way to the side of my breast.

I took a deep breath, feeling the teasing get to me like usual. He glanced up giving me the weakest of smiles.

Him seeing me squirm under his touch, I don't know if he got off on it or it made him relax. Either way it made me lose all of respect for myself and beg him to just slam me. Which he never did. He dragged it out as much as possible.

Savoring the peace he felt within those moments.

Masterlist for other fics

[pinkrobinontheloose]

So

Here's the thing. (This probably is going to be a disaster and some trauma dumping on my behalf, and with some grammatical and spelling errors 'cause English is not my first language, so be aware)(Side note: I'm from Venezuela, which will play a huge part in everything I'm about to say)

It's hard living with your parents when you're the youngest and the only one who got a college degree, out of all your siblings. And is autistic/depressed/chronically ill.

It's rough.

Recently, while I was seeing a Tik Tok about the Batman and I realized why I vibe with Tim so hard, more than any other. 'Cause I'm the same way. They were talking about the roles that children take in abusive/neglectful/dysfuctional households.

They talked about 4 roles:

- The hero (Dick): A child who takes on the role of the parents.

- The rebel (Jason): They like to go against the rules and forms of authority, as well as dynamics wich include some form of power dynamics. Also, they could, in some way or minimal form, be part of the problem.

- The lost child (Tim): The quiet, discreet one. Who's needs often are overlooked and hided.

- The mascot/brains (Damian): It uses the comedy and laughter as a way to distract the attention from the dysfunctionality of the family. As well, the brain ones, are the ones who takes any minimal chance they get to use the mistake of one member against them.

And they talked about in how this roles played a huge part in the development of this child's and their adulthood.

As soon as I ended that video I cried super hard, because I saw myself in Tim.

It feels selfish and narcissistic to say it, but I was the lost child.

My sister was the hero, my brother the goofon and I was the lost child (wich is such a dramatic title).

Our house was a weird combination of the 3. My parents were there in our childhoods, but they never where really there. Our family dinamic could range from being super happy to be supper tense and scary in just one second. My father is the center of it all. You didn't want to piss him off. He rarely is abusive physically, but God, did he have other ways to hurt you. My mother is mostly, distant, she will scream and insult him and pass it as taking care of us, but at the same time, she only did it for herself. She will tell you to just succumb for anything my father says, if that means she can keep her peace of mind.

My sister will always try to protect us and care, she was the one who tried to advocate and fighted our parents. She is this strong, protective, quick witted woman who has so much emotional damage that limits her capacity to love and feel secure with people, especially man. She is our Dick.

My brother on the other hand is an asshole. A jerk who is neglectful with his children in his own way. A big jerk to woman's. I... He did things to me which I never talk about and no one knows about, except me and him. He always tried to pass everything as a joke and made seem that everything was fine. My dad and him always had an explosive relationship, they will have screaming matches, physical figths, neglect, shaming, hatred, everything that they could do the other. But was my mother's favorite. And he became Jason of our family. Everything he does, is forgived and passed as a mistake or misjudgment.

Then there was me. The weirs, sickly child who's siblings hated for being the reason their parents no longer cared for each other and played by the rules this parents established, the one who never quite understood why people treated as if was an stupid with high grades. The one who had to take the downfall of every single one mistake the other two did. The one who had to be the fucking parent for her own parents. I'm Tim.

So, imagine my surprise when I saw that, and only I could think of all the ways I failed my "family" to be "more family like" instead of thinking about all the things they let me down for.

I just....

I remember the only therapist I saw in my life told me once "you can't always expect to make them happy, as well, you can't expect them to make you happy or being happy in your behalf. Cause to them, you are breaking the mold and expectations they set up, even the ones who wish you good, set up expectations. They conditioned you, and you conditioned your surroundings to believe that, if you make a mistake, you're not worthy of love. You are the problem"

So yeah.

I'm Tim.

I'm the problem.

[adultswim2021]

The Venture Bros. #47: "Self-Medication" | November 23, 2009 - 12:00AM | S04E06

Season four continues with an episode that is really good!!! Like, one of the better ones for sure. Like, there have only been a couple episodes I’ve felt blah about, and even those aren’t too bad.

In this one: Dr. Venture goes on a boyish adventure with a bunch of other former boy adventurers. They all belong to the same therapy group, which also consists of Action Jonny, two Hardy Boys style guys who clearly murdered their parents and got away with it (ala the Menendez Brothers, who didn’t get away with it), a tubby ex-Wonder Boy, and a cute little robot child. Somebody kills their therapist and they need to go to the local strip club to investigate. 

Meanwhile: Hatred is having withdrawals at the movie theater with Hank and Dean. He’s out of the medicine what makes him not want to touch little boys (sexually), and starts having a panic attack. He abandons his post and locks himself in the panic room. That’s it! That’s the episode! Rusty and a bunch of losers wander around like it’s a Richard Linklater movie and Sgt. Hatred has a mental health crisis. Like, I literally have been sitting here thinking to myself if there was an A story and these were just the B & C stories.

But the thing is: this episode is hilarious and great and I’d put in the pantheon of “very good episodes”. And this episode has Seth Green in it! You’d think I’d be too pissed off at him to not overlook this, but I did! He plays the jockier of the Menendez/Hardy Boys. His brother is played by professional virgin Jon Hodgman. Brendon Small reprises his role of Action Jonny, who is definitely, legally not Jonny Quest. Patton Oswals plays a former Wonder Boy, one that didn’t get murdered by the Monarch (he probably just got fucked by him). This wonder boy is based on the actor who played Robin in the 1940s Batman serials, who grew up to be a middle-aged man with weird hair. The Ro-Boy is a parody of AstroBoy, and he’s voiced by Jackson Publick. He’s famous too, he’s just, you know, the creator of the show and not a guest star. 

Stuff I will mention now: 

I love all the scenes with the therapy group. Great collection of characters. The therapist with the racist “native” puppet is so funny, I love the “chemical dependence” line. 

There is a nice-sized slur in this one, and it’s followed up with Action Jonny saying a crass joke about giving a guy’s wife herpes. His hit-you-over-the-head phrasing of “after I put herpe in there” was a Brendon Small ad-lib and improves that joke tenfold. 

There’s a deleted scene where we see Rusty’s brown friend jump into the pool during the flashback scene, when Rusty is being forced to undergo talk-therapy with his abusive father. That’s why you see him swimming around in the finished episode. I wondered about this. It turns out he jumped in that pool first. 

The commentary has a big long section cut out of it. Jackson and Doc actually record a little thing to replace the missing audio, explaining that they had to edit something out of the commentary. Have they ever said what that’s about? 

MAIL BAG

Did you enjoy the Oscars? Who on adult swim would you give the awards for Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Director, and Best Picture to. You can do others if you are feeling frisky but I don't want to bowl you over.

i don't respect acting or actors and I don't think we should encourage them. Best picture is uh, Kentucky Nightmare, directed by Space Ghost. I didn't like the Oscars, I didn't see any of those films :(

I'm watching Delocated again thanks to your blog and I was loving it until there is a scene where Jon says "If tea is what he wants then T is what he's gonna get" and then he holds a big letter T. I thought that was just so stupid. Like I thought I was watching Sesame Street. Put the letters away.

You don't like Sesame Street?? What do you like??

You're invited to hang out with three of your favorite adult swim stars. The catch? You have to hang out with Andy Merrill and he brought his favorite board games. You must play with Andy to have access to the other celebs. Do you?

I really do think that questions like this are meant to make me look FOOLISH, as if I like to sit around having childish fantasies of playing Cards Against Humanity with Brak. Well, I have a non-childish answer, maybe the most adult thing I've ever said, as a matter-of-fact: I would do it, but I would pick only hot sluts and have sex with them in front of Andy while he whined about being married in a Brak voice. What do you think of that you gay little ho

I was re-reading your Saul of the Moleman writeups and wow, what an awful show that was. My friend insists that Gerhardt Reinke's Wanderlust is good. I think there's no chance because this guy is a clown. Tell me for him that it sucks too. Please. Even if you don't believe it. Bend the truth for my advantage.

You know what I haven't really watched it but for you? Sure: that show sucked, and that's the reason I turned it off before the first commercial break of the first episode. Sorry, but Saul is a gay little ho

Any plans for Oscar's Big Night?

It was rather quiet, but I appreciated their minimalistic approach this year.

[royal-phoenix]

You look like the sort of person to make liking Elon Musk a personality because you haven't got one yourself. Were you dropped on your head as a baby? Were you left alone in front of the television for too long? Did your parents teach you that hating people would stop you thinking about how worthless your life is? These are all genuine questions I need to ask you. Do you honestly think that ignoring any kind and rational thought that couldn't entered your brain is going to stop you from hating yourself. Go get a therapist, please. Maybe get off social media for a while, it's obviously not doing you a world of good. Now don't even try and think up some sort of clever way to tell me that I'm an ignorant fool, we all know who you're really talking to. I mean, I can practically smell your insecurities from here. Do you wish you were born a different gender? Do you wish you could tell people who you loved/don't love? Because you kinda have made hating lgbtq+ you're whole thing at this point... I mean well done, you're so original... but anyway we all know everything we do is projecting on other people (don't understand? That's ok sweetie, didn't expect you too. Basically it means you hate yourself so much that instead of making that your internet personality, you try and pick apart the people who show similar traits to you.)

Or maybe I haven't got this quite right. Is it perhaps the classic: I know nothing about this and that makes me very frightened so I'm going to make their lives a misery...

Does that sound right?

Look I don't know about you, but having tantrums and calling people horrible words aren't going to win you anything.. didn't anyone ever tell you, you can't have everything. But then maybe that's why you're like this. Maybe you never got anything and get mad when incredibly beautiful, vulnerable groups, who have been incredibly brave, take a stand and are proud of themselves for once.

Now, I'm just making assumptions but you definitely don't sound mentally stable.. I would ask if you wanted to talk but I don't want to hear you whinging anymore than I've had to.

I hope you realise how silly you look.. how old are you? A greasy 30-40 year old man whose unemployed? A 13 year old boy with daddy issues? A 50 year old woman with karen energy and religious trauma? I mean how idiotic can we get.

To talk about cis the "slur", I mean I'm not going to take someone who calls people revolting words, seriously. I mean god if you would stop dividing cis people and trans people then we could all just be people 😭

Your. Logic. Isn't. Logic.

I mean happy pride month, I hope you have the day you deserve 😶

Don't even bother to reply, I don't want to see you pop up on my tumblr ever again just go kiss elon's ass or smth way less pg 🥰

HAHA HOW HILARIOUS YOU'VE COMPLETELY TAKEN AWAY THE ANONYMOUS THING BECAUSE YOU FEEL THE NEED TO STALK US. I mean god all you'll find on mine is some shit sketches and loads of batman reblogs 🤣 unlike you, I process my childhood trauma very differently.

Have a fucking day :)

And you sound like the sort of person who makes generalisations about people. Also, I have never seen such a long rant online - I think you need to seek mental help...as soon as you stop foaming at the mouth and pick your toys up. But thanks for making me laugh this morning - you sound so crazy and unhinged it made me chuckle thinking about you furiously typing your words whilst on the verge of a breakdown. Brilliant. Haha

You have literally just thrown a tantrum. Therefore you have no right to tell anyone else what to do. My advice: grow up, realise you are not special and don't forget to take those meds! Now off you run, mong child..

[combexperience]

This is my 500th post on this blog. To celebrate, I will take one word from each of my posts in order, and try to make a coherent thought out of them. HERE GOES!

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[transrogues]

reading the last issue of robin lives felt like going down a slightly uneven staircase, then getting the feeling of missing a step ever so often, then straight up tripping and falling down the stairs

"the joker just lets jason go instead of killing him this time because he thinks he's too pathetic to be worth the effort" yeah i can see that happening

"jason kills the joker" yeah whatever this has been set up since the first issue

"bruce takes responsibility in helping jason deal with the trauma! ...and stops being batman as a result of everything that happened, leaving dick to take his place" i don't think he would go that far tbh but it makes for a bittersweet ending

"jason heals from his trauma and finds a different path towards doing good without being a vigilante! …by becoming an associate director at arkham to help the rogues he once fought" odd career choice for him imo but okay i guess

"bruce settles down and gets married to the writer's therapist oc" what

"hey so you know how jason got to avenge his own near-death and got the love and support from bruce and dick that he needed during this time and went to therapy and started moving forward with his life? well guess what none of that really mattered because he was ALWAYS DOOMED TO BE FUCKED UP AND EVIL NO MATTER WHAT and how are we showing this you may ask? by making him the NEW JOKER" well now i'm just pissed off and completely baffled