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#FUCK I REBLOGED SOMEONE ELSE'S REBLOG
kedreeva · 4 months
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In case I have not made it abundantly clear, I'm not here for any "both parties are equally bad" sniveling. Shut the fuck up. Unfollow me. Get out of my house if you can't recognize how much goddamn worse Trump would be.
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piningpercussionist · 4 months
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Okay. Fellas. Real talk. I've seen some of you do it and I thank you profusely for doing so but can yall PLEASE credit the original artist of that piece yall kinda made into an a dtiys/art meme? That's not official art. I am point blank refusing to engage with any of these pieces that I see not doing such. (Even when it pains me to keep scrolling, because some of them are really good!! And I want them here!!! But I do have some rules for myself I try to stand firm by with this blog.)
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Like you can literally see them say right there that it's fine IF YOU CREDIT. I'm fucking begging you.
I'm not mad at anyone who didn't know but I've seen SO MANY versions at this point, and I think I've seen maybe 3 or 4 of them RECENTLY include the credit. (And one with improper credit, I think?) Please. Please just. Tack it on.
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johnslittlespoon · 3 months
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Buck + Bucky Timeline Info
For fic writers or just curious readers!
Referencing different archives and articles, I've done my best to compile John and Gale's Air Force timeline pre–England, because I feel like a lot of it gets muddied and sometimes we wanna write pre–MOTA canon events lol. Hope it comes in handy!
They meet (on or around) March 29, 1940 and become Flying Cadets at Randolph Field in Texas until August 30, 1940.
Still Flying Cadets, they move to Kelly Field in San Antonio, Texas from September 9, 1940 to November 14, 1940.
Both promoted to 2nd Lieutenant Air Corp Reserve on Nov 15, 1940. A bit unsure on the events before their next promotion, because Gale seems to have gone to Barksdale Army Air Field in LA in March of 1941 for advanced flying school, but haven't found anything on whether John went too; I'm assuming he did.
Both promoted to 1st Lieutenant, Air Corp on April 25, 1942. Not clear on whether this took place in LA or back in Texas or elsewhere.
Became instructors for the 29th Bombardment Group at McDill Air Force Field in Tampa, Florida on May 25, 1942.
Promoted to Captain and transferred to Gowan Field, Boise Idaho, but possibly at different times? All I can find is that by October they were both for sure there, but Gale was promoted to Captain on July 28, 1942 and transferred then, and John was promoted to Captain in August of 1942, but it doesn't specify when he transferred.
At Gowan Field in October of 1942, Gale was promoted to Commanding Officer for the 350th Bomb Squadron/100th Bomb Group, and John was promoted to Operations Officer for the 100th Bomb Group.
Transferred to Walla Walla Army Air Field in Washington in November of 1942.
Transferred to Wendover Army Air Field in Utah in December of 1942.
Both promoted to Majors in Sioux City, Iowa in January of 1943.
Transferred to Kearny, Nebraska (assuming to Kearney Air Force Base) in February of 1943. Cue P1 of MOTA!
In May of 1943, John traveled with an advance party to Podington, England to prepare the base for the 100th Bomb Group. On May 27 1943, Gale (with the 100th) left for Bangor, Maine. From there, he flew out across the Atlantic and arrived at Thorpe Abbotts on June 9 1943. And we know what happens from then on. :-)
If any of this is incorrect or you have extra information to add to the timeline, please let me know!! I wouldn't be surprised if I've missed things, but this is how their flight school/pre–England timeline went to the best of my knowledge. Hopefully this is helpful for some other writers too! I can throw together a timeline for their missions/events during MOTA as well if that's something anyone's interested in; it's easy enough to find mission dates in comparison to finding these pre–100th dates, but it might be nice to have them all in one place. x
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nat-without-a-g · 8 months
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So how do we think the twins managed to pull the “same man twice” shtick so good Normal overtly misidentified them? Like, Sparrow getting slapped and responding with a millisecond of rage and Normal going ‘oh that’s absolutely my dad’ when Lark is Known to be the angrier twin.. it has to be a convincing getup. I have some theories.
1. Dress Code includes short hair and no beard
2. They intentionally chose to dress differently knowing lark would be the one to meet them if they encountered each other
3. Lark’s disheveled state is how they Both wind up if they neglect grooming themselves.
Bonus: what was probably running through Lark’s head when Lincoln rolled an EIGHTEEN to slap him TWICE while he was trying to signal he was fully lucid.
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penumbralwoods · 1 year
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btw if you use “psychopathic”, “sociopathic” or “narcissistic” as an insult/Bad Word in your post i don’t care how right the rest of it is you’re wrong and need to shut up. hope this helps! 💙💙
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prodigal-sunlight · 21 days
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What do u have against ai? :(
How much time do you have?
1. Generative AI is trained on the works of artists and writers without consent or compensation. It’s literally stealing from actual people. And no, it isn’t “learning like a real person” because it isn’t a real person. It’s a program that is incapable of creating anything new of its one. All generative AI is built on theft by corporations from small independent creators.
2. It uses considerably more power than most other current technology. Like, arguably it is worse for the environment than NFTs. The amount of water it wastes is absurd, the uptick in energy usage is absurd.
3. Corporations are salivating at the chance to cut creative people out of products. They don’t want to pay people for their work because they don’t respect art and artists. As long as we live under a capitalist system, people need to be able to own what they create and be able to provide for themself with their own skills.
4. The misinformation and disinformation generative AI can cause and has ALREADY caused is insane. People have had their faces and voices stolen without consent or compensation. People can generate believable deepfakes of politicians and social figures that will degrade the truth and potentially even damage our already messed up political climate. How would you feel if someone posted a realistic video of you praising a product you never bought? Or vouching for a politician you hate? Or saying you think all gay people should die?
5. This one is just personal, but I don’t care what a machine “makes.” Creativity is special to me because it lets you see the world through someone else’s eyes. Art of all kinds—writing, art, music, roleplay—is a kind of communication. I want to communicate with people, not an inanimate object mimicking what a person would be like. The joy of art comes from creation. Reducing it to only consumption is a disservice to all humankind.
Certain scientific fields have genuine uses for other kinds of AI, and I respect that. But Generative AI is built on theft and disrespect; at best its used for shallow art that someone didn’t care enough about to make themself, at worst its used for scams, disinformation, and stripping away even more of people’s rights.
I legitimately believe there is no current ethical uses for Generative AI. Will there be one day? Its possible, but I honestly find that unlikely. For now, though, if you are pro Generative AI, please unfollow me.
I may not be the most talented artist/writer out there, but I have enough self-respect that I don’t want people who see me as replaceable by machines engaging with my creative works. I put a lot of time, passion, and love into my work. Someone who sees that as equal in worth to something an algorithm spat out in five seconds is not welcome here.
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necrotic-nephilim · 4 days
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in lieu of having posted any writing/headcanons/asks in the past few days because i have been *so* busy and unable to do anything fandom-related which is terrible and evil, i have a poll out of morbid curiosity and self-indulgence. i've been meaning to ramble here about how i feel about DC's lack fo Deaf representation and which Batfam members i would personally make Deaf, but i am mildly curious about the larger opinion and now i will subject you all to the question, i would love to hear thoughts/opinions/headcanons on any specific choices. (would love d/Deaf/HoH opinions esp but i'm mostly expecting this to reach the hearing crowd, so opinions from hearing ppl are ones i'm very curious about. if you've never given it thought before you are going to now or else /lh)
#necrotic nuisance#<- new tag for nonserious shit like this#batfamily#batclan#deafculture#i think not including bruce in this poll bc i ran out of options is *so* fucking funny so i'm keeping it#bc realistically i could bump off more tertiary characters like harper or jpv to include him#but i won't.#hearing people are seriously invited to reblog and share opinions or headcanons i'm so genuine#just like. behave about it.#i have personal headcanons but i will save sharing them until the poll is finished#as not to skew results#i also have a hunch on who will lead. based on popular headcanons i see#but i will also not share that as to not skew it#i'm using the Deaf identity as an umbrella term that can include Hard of Hearing as well btw#so if your headcanon is more HoH leaning it is counted#i do believe this is something most fans haven't rlly thought about#but i *really* want to write fics with Deaf rep and i have been waffling on who to make Deaf#so. this poll is also a field test of who you would like to see me (a Deaf bitch) write as Deaf.#and i totally pinky promise not to project super duper hard on them. (i'm so lying)#i will get back to writing and the ask games i promse!#tomorrow i have the day off after 4 bc someone else is watching the baby so ic can just chill#also *please please* if you have disabled headcanons for any batfam (or DC in general) character#send them to me. i want to see them. i would love to talk about them with you.#as an anon ask as a message as a reblog idc#gimme.#this isn't my usual content but shhh lemme be self indulgent.#both bc i'm curious and bc i wanna write Deaf shit so. we take a break from my usual nonsense for this.#i'll post writing tomorrow to make up for it#also i have to remind myself this is my blog i can do what i want with and not just be a content machine. yk
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yardsards · 3 months
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people love an "i'll take care of you" "it's rotten work" "not to me, not if it's you" character dynamic until the character who needs to be taken care of is disabled. then it's supposedly fucked up and toxic for a person to have to take care of someone else.
#eliot posts#this is continuing off that last post i reblogged#that time i was like ''aw tumblr is out of new posts for this character i like. reddit is empty too. lemme check twitter''#BIG MISTAKE#i had to see the hot take of#''it's fucked up to ship this because character A had to be character B's caretaker. that's basically slavery.''#LIKE BRUH???#have you. ever met a couple where one of them is disabled and needs a caretaker? bc that's a very real thing that happens and it's not toxi#honestly usually the risk in those situations is the power the caretaker nay have over their disabled partner#but that imbalance can be properly navigated#and is not a concern in these two characters' case bc there is a very clear mutual respect there#caregiver fatigue is a real problem too of course but that's ALSO something that can be successfully navigated#and in these particular characters' case doesn't seem like it would be an issue because like#character b also has professional caretakers who will likely continue to be part of his life if needed#(and the money to hire more if not)#like it's okay to not like the ship#maybe the age gap of someone in their 20s w someone in the equivalent of their 30s squicks you out#maybe you monogamously ship one or both of them w someone else#maybe you think their dynamic is way more interesting from a platonic angle than from a romantic one#maybe you just aren't interested in their dynamic#those are all fair points! i'm not even ride or die for that ship myself#but jesus fucking christ you don't gotta be ableist about it#oh or the equally bad take i saw on there of#''character a could never be attracted to character b. he just sees char b as a sick dying old dog that he needs to take care of''#like no! character a clearly respects and values character b! they are friends! the issue is just that YOU see character b as a dying dog.
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bidokja · 1 year
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I was joking a while back that the actor they have playing KDJ for the orv movie was too handsome for him and a friend who's read orv was like "KDJ is actually secretly attractive!!" And I just felt my soul leave my body right then
SIGHS...
Okay. Buckle in. I'm gonna finally actually address and explain and theorize about this whole...thing.
I'm not gonna cite any exact chapters cause it's like 11:30 and I've got an 8 hour drive in the morning but I'll at least make an approximate reference to where certain things are mentioned. Also, this post is just my personal interpretation for a good bit of it, but it's an interpretation I feel very solid about, so do with that what you will. Moving on to the meat of things:
There is one (1) instance in the web novel that I know of which describes specific features of Kim Dokja (especially ones other people notice). This takes place when members of KimCom are trying to make Kim Dokja presentable to give his speech at the Industrial Complex (after it's been plopped down on Earth). This is when they start really paying attention and focusing on Kim Dokja's appearance since they're putting makeup on him; I still don't think they can interpret his whole face, but they can accurately pick out and retain more features than usual. If I remember correctly they reference him having long eyelashes, smooth skin, and soft hair. These features can be viewed as (stereotypically) attractive.
Certain parts of the fandom have taken this scene and run with it at a very surface level, without realizing (or without acknowledging at the very least) that this scene is not about how Kim Dokja looks. This is, in part, due to not realizing or acknowledging why Kim Dokja's face is "censored" in the first place, and what that censoring actually means. I think it's also possible that some people are assuming the censorship works like a physical phenomena rather than an altered perception.
I'll address that last point first. The censorship of Kim Dokja's features is not something as simple as a physical phenomena. It's not a bar or scribble or mosaic over his face. If that were true it'd be very obvious to anyone looking at him that his face is hidden. But his face is not hidden to people. They can look at him and see a face. If they concentrate on his eyes, they can see where he's looking. They know when he's frowning or grinning. They see a face loud and clear. But what face are they seeing? Because it's not really his, whatever they're seeing.
No one quite agrees on what he really looks like. And if they try and think about what he looks like, they can't recall. Or if they do, it's vague, or different each time. We notice these little details throughout the series. Basically, Kim Dokja's face is cognitively obscured. Something - likely the Fourth Wall, though I can't recall if this is ever stated outright - is interfering with everyone's ability to perceive him properly. This culminated in him feeling off to others; and since they don't even realize this is happening, they surmise that he is "ugly."
Moving on to the other point about what the censorship means: To be blunt, the censorship of his face is an allegory for his disconnect from the "story" (aka: real life, and the real people at his side). The lifting - however slight - of this censorship represents him becoming more and more a part of the "story" (aka: less disconnected from the life he is living and the people at his side). The censorship's existence and lifting can represent other things - like dissociation or depersonalization or, if you want to get really meta, the fact that he is all of our faces at once - but that's how I'd sum up the main premise of it. (The Fourth Wall is a larger part of the dissociation allegory, but that's for another post).
So you see, them noticing his individual features isn't about the features. It's not about the features! It doesn't matter at all which features got listed. Because they could describe any features whatsoever and it would not change the entire point of the scene. Because the point isn't what he looks like. The point is that they can truly and clearly see these features. For the first time. They are seeing parts of him for the first time. Re-read that sentence multiple times, literally and metaphorically. What does it mean to see someone as they are?
This is an extremely significant turning point dressed up as a dress-up scene.
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P.S. / Additionally, I'm of the opinion that Kim Dokja is not handsome, and he is not ugly. He is not pretty, and he is not ghastly. Not attractive, nor unattractive. Kim Dokja isn't any of these things. More importantly, Kim Dokja can't be any of these things. The entire point of Kim Dokja is that you cannot pick him out of a crowd; he is the crowd. He's a reader. He's the reader. Why does he need to be handsome? Why must he be pretty? Why is him being attractive necessary or relevant? He doesn't, he doesn't, it's not. He is someone deeply deeply loved and irreplaceable to those around him, and someone who cannot even begin to recognize or accept that unless it's through a love letter masquerading as a story he can read. He is the crowd, a reader, the reader. He's you, he's me. He's every single one of us.
#orv#orv analysis#orv meta#orv spoilers#mine#ask#there's also the meta that he is described with these (stereotypically) pretty features as they are about to try and 'sell' him to a crowd#which feels to me like a very pointed way to convey how 'beauty' is commodified. how audiences like 'attractive' characters more#note: made some edits to add in a couple of sentences my brain forgot in the moment so make sure u reblogged those if u do#tag edits for further commentary that isnt strictly relevant to the point i was making:#do i think that this face censorship was executed as well as it could have been? nah.#not that it was like. done Badly. it's followed through to a certain point. its established enough for me to make this post at least.#but i do think it is the one thing in the web novel that SS didn't capitalize on.#like. they still stuck the landing but it was not as picture perfect of an execution as the rest of the metaphorical stuff in orv#also. this (not the face censorship specifically but the 'hes just some guy' point of it all) is one of the big reasons i think that-#-visual adaptions of orv can never quite work. they can do the best that they can with that medium but a lot of nuance is lost-#-simply by virtue of it being a visual medium#i personally think the only way a visual medium could work would be one where they commit to the power move of not showing kdj's face#(until a certain point (of view) that is)#his face is always facing away or out of frame or hidden by someone or something else in the way#commit to the fucking allegory or simply perish
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icannotgetoverbirds · 4 months
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I am no longer consumed by bloodlust!
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the-kipsabian · 11 months
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a quick hot guide for people that struggle commenting on fics aka things authors love to hear and youre just over thinking it and its actually really simple to leave comments on stuff!!
key smash/emoji spam/reaction image/etc (it conveys emotions way more than you might think)
drop a line you really liked
say how much you love a ship/character and how happy you are that theres content about them
ALL CAPS ANYTHING
"i liked/loved/enjoyed/whatever it!" its better to say the most basic thing than saying nothing tbh; writers appreciate hearing anything over nothing 💜
"thank you for writing this" its short, sweet, and very powerful
think what kind of feedback you'd personally like to receive on a piece of art you made. try to translate that want into comments you leave for other people too
you dont have to be critical or constructive or anything, even if the author asks for that stuff in their notes. they'll get it from someone else, you just do you
i feel like people make leaving comments too hard on themselves, so really just make it simple. if you really dont come up with anything, just say thank you. youre there reading for some reason, tell the author what it is. fic comments dont need to be book analysis essays (tho those are. incredibly appreciated as well if you want to write one!!), writers publishing their works for free online appreciate any kind of feedback regardless if you consider it good or well written. a comment is a comment
bottom line is, leave comments on fics and other written works. its whats keeping this game alive
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geraldmariaivo · 2 years
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404 Pulse Not Found
Hopefully this version won’t make y’all feel like you’re having a stroke when you read it.
Jon was worried about Damian. Namely because his friend’s heart..shouldn’t really be doing that. Granted, it hadn’t suddenly started weird stuff during their sleepover today. No, for as long as Jon had known Damian, his friend’s heart had a tendency to slow down really, really slow, to the point where anyone could be forgiven for thinking that it forgot how to pump blood. It wasn’t super worrying at first either, because as far as Jon was concerned, it helped him find Damian, because it was different from everyone else’s heartbeat, which was great! Or, it was great until he double-checked that human hearts aren’t supposed to slow down this much, let alone so randomly, and that it meant something is definitely, probably lethally, wrong.
But his dad didn’t mention it even though he definitely heard it, which meant that Bruce knew about it. Which meant that it wasn’t anything to worry about, and it would probably be rude to ask about something personal like that if it was already being handled.
And then the humming started, and Jon was worried again. It started only a month or two ago, and it was....eerie? Pretty? Both, if he was honest. But now the humming was there, and the only time he could actually hear it was when Damian’s heart stopped. Not slowed down, just full-on stops for probably way too long. If he had to guess, the sound of the heartbeat didn’t block it out because Jon couldn’t hear it between beats, but it only started up when his heart wasn’t doing anything. Which is kinda weird, because if it was a pacemaker or something, he’d expect it to sound like most other pacemakers and organ replacements he’d heard when they were on.
Here he was, worrying about his best friend while playing Mario Kart in the manor with him, while his heart hadn’t had a single beat for almost a minute and a half now, and the buzzing was in full swing. It kept like that, on and off, for the rest of the tournament, and honestly, Jon wanted to know what was going on. He also knew that Damian wouldn’t tell him about whatever medical condition this is, no matter how much he asked, pleaded, or begged.
So, he figured, he might as well try the Big Bat himself. Was it possibly very rude to go behind his friend’s back to get this information? Yes. Was it likely that he would only be told stuff he already knew? Yes. Would it soothe his nerves slightly to be told that they’re handling whatever this is? Also yes. So, he got up, and told Damian that there’s something he wanted to ask Bruce.
Bruce wasn’t hard to find, he was in his favorite study, and in a blink, Jon was politely knocking on the door. He really wanted to barge in and know right now, but his mom and dad taught him better than that.
“Come in.”
Jon opened the door, and was suddenly much more nervous. As he stepped in, Bruce turned to him. “Sorry to bother you, Mr. Wayne, but, um...” God, why did his brain have to empty itself of any social skill right now? He closed the door, mostly to have something, anything, to do, but also because it probably wouldn't be a good idea to have this conversation with the door open.
“It’s alright if you need to gather your thoughts; Take your time with it.”
He really couldn’t, because if he stood here just trying to figure out how to say this in a polite way he’d be standing here all day, and probably most of tomorrow. It did, however, take a few seconds to figure out how to ask it bluntly. “Why does Damian’s heart keep stopping?”
Bruce froze. This probably wouldn’t have scared him as much as did right now if it wasn’t for two things: 1) Batman was the one who usually stayed statue-still, not Bruce, and 2) Bruce freezing like that didn’t really make sense because that’s something he would expect Jon to be able to detect, especially if there’s some kind of electronic implant involved, and he would usually be able to answer immediately.
When the man finally moved again, it was only because his brow furrowed. “Damian’s last full medical examination was three weeks ago, and his vitals were well within normal range.” 
Now Jon was confused. “I’m pretty sure human hearts are supposed to do sixty to a hundred beats a minute, not like five seconds per beat off and on, or just stopping for a whole minute. But it’s been going on since I first met him, so it seems normal for him. It’s been happening more often, and I kind of want to know what’s going on. I know he wouldn’t tell me, so I figured I should ask you what’s going on.”

Bruce frowned slightly, and he seemed concerned, maybe. It was hard for Jon to tell what he actually felt, but he was pretty sure Bruce was extremely concerned. This assumption was backed by the man’s heart-rate skyrocketing. (Jon did not know that Bruce was internally screaming for a number of reasons, not the least of which being that he knew a perceived flaw or failing like a serious medical condition is something that Damian would be either too prideful, or too afraid to admit to having.)
“Thank you for telling me. I was not aware that Damian was having heart problems. You said it was for- Jon?”
Bruce didn’t know? He didn’t- oh god so that wasn’t a- “It’s not a pacemaker or artificial organ or something???”  Bruce’s brows drew closer together, now visibly confused and concerned. “To my knowledge, there’s no medical equipment in his chest. Did you hear a pacemaker?”  “N-! No. That’s one of the things I wanted to ask you about. I thought it might be some cutting-edge medical tech because it doesn’t sound like any replacement or assistance machine I’ve heard.” Oh god, Bruce is probably so mad at him for not telling him something was wrong with Damian sooner. Fuck. Okay, how to calm down a probably-angry Batman? 
Uh....information! Isn’t information like those really fancy pet treats to the bats and birds? Okay, information. What information does he start with? He already said Damian’s heart had been doing this for as long as Jon had known him, a-wait. He hadn’t said what he was hearing that he thought was a machine, he should start there. “There’s a humming that starts whenever his heart stops beating. It usually takes a second or two, but when it does, it’s a pretty sure sign that it’s not going to start for another six-ish seconds or so at least. It stops just before his heart starts beating again. The longest his heart stopped was close to two minutes, but it doesn’t stop often or, I guess it does, but it’s not like an hourly thing.
“It happens kind of all over the place. I’ve never heard it stop when he’s already injured, and I think it happens less often when he’s tired, but when he’s asleep his heart definitely slows way down.” He briefly fidgeted with his hands. Why does remembering stuff have to be so hard when he actually has to tell someone?!? “And, um, he acts like nothing is happening, which is why I thought you guys already knew and were handling it. Not- not that it’s your fault that I didn’t say anything! I still should’ve told you about this sooner, and-”
Bruce held up a hand, and Jon snapped his mouth shut so fast the clack of teeth was audible. The man didn’t seem angry as much as he was tired. Which was fair. Learning that your son’s heart stops on a regular basis would make anyone feel tired. Or at least that seemed like the kind of thing that made parents tired, other than work.
“Jon,” he said, “It’s okay. I appreciate that you came to me with this, and you aren’t in trouble. I will be talking with Damian about keeping important things like this secret, but I’m not angry.” (He was extremely frustrated and immeasurably worried, but not angry.)
Jon still didn’t stop fidgeting -he wasn’t really sure when he’d started- but he was slightly less nervous. He really hoped that Damian would still want to be friends with him after getting him in trouble like this, even if Jon hadn’t thought it would.  Bruce sat up, and Jon quickly left the room so Bruce could actually, you know, get through the door. Because Jon had been awkwardly standing in the doorway the whole time. Maybe he should pay more attention to how his dad treats conversations like this next time some Stern Adult Thing comes up.  It took about a million anxious thoughts and probably a few minutes on their way to talk to Damian about his apparent heart issues for them to run into one of Damian’s....brothers? His brothers’ friend? Jon couldn’t really remember. Didn’t his name start with a D? Or maybe it was an E? Euchre? Wait, no, that’s a card game. Oh no, he and Bruce were talking, he should really pay attention.
“-eah, we’ve met.” The person-of-unknown-relation-to-Damian rubbed his neck a bit sheepishly. “I can’t remember your name, though. Sorry.”
Jon relaxed a little. “It’s okay, I forgot your name, too. I’m Jon.”
“Duke,” he responded, before turning back to the oldest of the group. “Did Damian hide a kitten in the manor again? Or was it a bearded dragon or something this time?”  Bruce sighed. “Evidently he’s been hiding a serious medical condition from us.”
“Oh. Does this have to do with why he looks like he’s made of glowstick goop sometimes?”
What?
“He What-”
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good-beansdraws · 8 months
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Finally finished my Milgram-characters-in-my-outfits thing :D Yuno's probably the only one who would actually wear the outfit I gave them, but that's the fun part! Bonus lazy Shidou in my fave shirt of all time, plus technically the cow is headless because my dryer ruined it...
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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i cant fully control my emotions during a breakdown and then i come out of it and im like oh fuck........ ._.
#bpd#like i dont mean to hurt anyone else with having my breakdown on my vent blog on tumblr...#like the stuff i say isnt aimed at anyone in particular#and it's abt MY feelings which are so confusing i get a headache#my thoughts is my enemy and im such a broken and confused little girl inside fr T-T#but like yeah im sorry for upsetting ppl???#but really i feel so suffocated bc im constantly terrified of saying smth that will upset this or that person#or reblogging the wrong thing and making someone im attached to hate me#like idk.... genuinely my blog is supposed to be a vessel? a tool? smth for me to be able to put my emotions and thoughts down#and try to make sense of them. even when i cant. it really only concerns me. i dont mean to attack or hurt anyone else :/#but i mean i really shouldnt and i shouldve learned this lesson so long ago....#being confused and broken and mentally ill and not knowing or understanding things and being messy and#saying the wrong things or phrasing it incorrectly or anything like that#or like sometimes i have one thought tied to a certain emotion but it's only there in that moment#like when i feel so lonely i could die.. yes i do have kidnapping fantasies. bc i dont.: whatever i dont owe anyone a psychoanalys of mysel#but that doesnt mean i want want to be kidnapped by a stranger who doesnt care abt me... i know that would be awful and traumatizing and no#what i *want*. bc what i desire is love#but like i feel so much pain and just venting abt it or reblogging a post helps me solidify my overwhelming emotions#idk what to say like..... ☹️☹️☹️☹️#i cant even fucking blog or do tumblr right im worthless. and yeah i know i have a victim complex.. sorry 🥲#hmmm. yeah idk what to say like when i have breakdowns i have to get myself thru them without any support#and i dont mean that to attack anyone else.: we're all alone i know.#but idk how to deal w it so i just type it out. its not to attack anyone else its to try to make sense of my emptions i dont understand ☹️#anyway.. maybe i should just accept that im too fucked up and too contradictory for anyone to actually like me#there will always be smth that will make everyone not like me anymore. thats that.#thank u for the time u do give me tho i always appreciate thay#and im sorry i really truly dont want to hurt anyone else#i just dont have .. idk it doesnt matter im sorry for what its worth and if anyone even reads this#i hope not bc i dont want anyone to perceive me and stuff like i dont wanna exist to anyone#and im not on tumblr or post stuff for attention. im just in pain and have nowehrre to put it. im sorry if im lashinf out and hurting other
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storytellering · 8 months
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ssruis · 3 months
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Idk the treatment of saki’s disability by the writers just irritates me bc like (& full disclosure this is written by someone who’s chronically ill but able to live w/o major symptoms) there’s so little thought put into how her disability specifically intersects with her mental health & overall life beyond a general Inspirational Look At Her Go She Can Overcome Anything type of take.
I dislike fully articulating my thoughts but to sum it up my experience with my own chronic illness was manifestation at 18 -> horrifically managed for 2 years bc doctors/parents did not take it seriously -> in so much pain that I couldn’t really move until i was put on immunosuppressants during peak covid and I watched close friends treat me like a burden for wanting the group to take covid precautions/abandon me because I couldn’t Party Hard anymore (to the point where one friend brought me somewhere where her friend fucking had Covid and sat next to me & then she texted me the next day like whoops heehee) -> severe depression & life ruining ensued. My family had to deny a good insurance opportunity bc my RA was an existing condition & they wouldn’t pay for my meds for two years and I had the fun side effect of my mom implying it was my fault/it was a burden over it. Etc etc. I don’t want to get into the full story because it’s unfun and also lengthy but I want to provide context for why saki’s treatment bugs me.
Her not really caring about honami/shiho not visiting bugs me. I get that life gets in the way but them going (semi?) no contact is a little shitty. Being disabled & not being allowed to be upset about the treatment you receive from your loved ones because you know they don’t see it as a big deal is. So frustrating. She deserves to be upset with them for that and have a conversation about it. There’s so much pressure on people w disabilities to essentially go “yeah I am a burden it’s my fault so I’m grateful you’re even spending time with me” that’s reflected in saki’s story and never challenged.
I’m too tired to articulate the complexity of her dynamic w tsukasa but it also frustrates me that it’s only touched upon that saki feels like she inconveniences him by being sick/she thinks him going out of his way for her is a burden. I love tsukasa and I’m obsessed w how much he cares about his sister but I also think saki deserves to be frustrated with how neurotic he is about an illness that isn’t his own.
So much abt being disabled (especially for those who are more affected than I am - I want to make that clear) is being told by society that you are a burden for needing accommodations/costing your family money/struggling with things able bodied people can do/etc. & saki very clearly feels a lot of that but it never gets challenged. Something that’s always stuck with me was seeing a tiktok where someone was like “actually I AM a burden bc I cost my parents money for antidepressants/adhd meds” which was so…. Buddy as someone on those meds and also 4/5 other drugs to manage the chronic illness I don’t want to hear shit from you abt being a burden. Imagine having panic attacks over career choices & fucking up your schooling permanently because you’re petrified of not having stable insurance to pay for the overpriced meds that keep you from being in agony and your friends/family don’t take it seriously because you look fine even though you can barely move without extreme pain and nobody in your life understands it or attempts to do so and you feel like the doctors don’t care because they give you meds & no diagnosis and you’re still in a pain that defies description. And your disability gets in the way of your passions and you can’t just muscle through it because doing so would fuck your body up even more. & then get back to me. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Moving on.
I don’t know if the colopale writing team has anyone w a disability but I feel like saki’s chronic illness essentially being a thing of the past & she’s just like “I’m fine now” is shitty. Ig it fits with her character but also she’s a fictional character and the writers are capable of addressing this. and they’re not. I want to see saki being told that she’s allowed to be mad and she’s allowed to feel unwell and she’s allowed to not be inspiration porn and she’s allowed to have ugly feelings and address those & that she’s not a burden and it’s ok to rely on others when you’re struggling.
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