#homicidal ideation is no fucking joke huh

[icannotgetoverbirds]

I am no longer consumed by bloodlust!

[gay11aliens]

Okay this is pretty fucking stupid and happened forever ago and I’m pretty sure everyone is over it but I’m looking back on some posts and as someone WITH HOMICIDAL IDEATION I need to make this fucking clear okay? To gc:this is Percy

I understand he made you uncomfortable, and you felt like the relationship wasn’t healthy, so I am glad you distanced yourself for that. Good on knowing your boundaries! And I never got to be with you guys for more than like a month tops, so I have no idea how your conversations have gone since the beginning. And I’m going to try to be as unbiased as possible right now. So this is how I’ve felt specifically about the unaliving part. Since it started. (I doubt I will ever address the rest of it based on it being 1. Not my business plus I lack info, and 2. This was forever ago) Which I completely understand could’ve triggered you and might not have been something you planned on asking further questions abt, and maybe he could’ve explained better, BUT this is how I experience homicidal ideation so whether you see this or not someone will so I hope this helps bc I’m putting something serious and shitty on the internet. one. Do any of you experience this too? I would assume not from how you reacted although I’m very sorry if I’m wrong I know people could have different experiences. So. Uh, lemme explain how I experience it and I assume he experiences this in a similar lense (wow I’m using experience a lot)

So it is like suicidal ideation. Except uh you think about unaliving not you. (Wow how good am I at explaining huh?) We. Do. Not. Want. These. Thoughts. At least a lot of us don’t. I mean murderers are out there so obviously some do. I think. I’m not one so I guess I dunno. ANYWAYS We don’t want them! I don’t want them! It can be triggered (for me) when people try to romanticize homicide. But like. You’re thinking about murdering someone. About /wanting/ to murder someone. That can get pretty fucking terrifying. Ten year old me was so scared of myself for having these thoughts. I don’t fucking want them alright? It’s hard to control. Like really difficult. And at least for me, I have never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever planned on it. I do not plan this stuff. Like obviously bc I don’t have the brain power for it. But also bc I don’t want this. I’m not planning on murdering anyone, ESPECIALLY my friends, even if I unintentionally think about it. I doubt he did too. Highly doubt it. Although if he proved me wrong I’ll make sure to tell you I guess. But he won’t. Maybe, don’t want to get too cocky I suppose there is a chance. For me too. Sorry it’s getting weird. It won’t happen end of story. Okay moving on. Actually that might be all I have to say for now. Uh I’ll add an edit if I need to. So um hope you understand that, not to say you shouldn’t have done it, if you thought it was right that’s your thing, again just trying to stay out of it but GOD I needed to make this clear (hope it was) because this was the thing abt him I was least worried about. Because I have it too. And never ever ever everx100 will do it. Act on it, plan it idk. Wait actually I have planned it technically but I was like 8 and came up with a terrible joke plan to kill a dictator or something idk. Uh doesn’t count ok. I might delete that bit since it doesn’t exactly help my case huh? And I’m not him. I don’t know his mind so maybe I’m wrong. This is just why I wasn’t worried about it and wished you guys could see he probably wasn’t planning to kill you in your sleep. But I get why you were worried. Okay I’m rambling and doubt you’ll see this so I’m done 😁

[icannotgetoverbirds]

image IDs under the cut since I've heard that alt text isn't always super accessible

first image id: a screenshot of tags on the original post reading as follows:

#i wish i was joking. that shit was painful and scary as fuck #homicidal ideation is no fucking joke huh #and y'know what the recommended solution for it is???? #institutionalization or calling the police! great! [five upside down smile emojis] #cause that's gonna be SO fucking helpful to an abuse victim whose psychosis/ptsd has been triggered #anyways you lot are welcome to reblog this and be silly about it on one condition: #you need to understand how absolutely fucked it is that our only solutions available were institutionalization and law enforcement #you need to understand that that is the last thing we needed when we were struggling #you need to come away from this with the realization that fear is weaponized against all sorts of marginalized people #and it is leveraged to justify oppression and human rights violations #and all someone has to do to point the finger at you is to shake a little bit and say they are afraid of you

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second image id: a continuation of the previous screenshot's tags that read as follows:

#and then the cage will come down on you too no matter how respectable you think you are #no matter how sane you think you are #no matter how harmless you think you are #the accusations of your potential for harm will be held as truths and used against you #and until we create a society in which we give 'scary' people the same rights as everyone else #nobody is safe from this happening to them #and if any of you clown on this post i WILL turn reblogs off

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I am no longer consumed by bloodlust!