#FOR MY FUTURE
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Okay okay okay final update for the day I gotta go study
#IUGHHHH I GOTTA DO MATH#I AM NOT READY#BUT I MUST#FOR MY FUTURE#chicken doodles#fnaf#fnaf sb#moon#moondrop#self insert
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"I love it when I can chill and have nothing to do" I say, while I do actually have assignments to do
#have to write an analysis#and a comment#lowkey too lazy tho#urgh I just want freetime#school has been killing me#idk#like I shouldn’t be this demotivated#since its my last school year#and my finals aren't that far away#but I don't know what to do with myself#after school#I can't do just nothing#lots of pressure from my mom#expectations from other people#while I'm just clueless#without any dreams#goals#hopes#wishes#driving force#for my future#so I think the reason I've become so “lazy”/demotivated to do anything is#bc I hope that it'll slow things down#that I have more time#and also less#responsibility? pressure?#while in fact nothing is slowing down#lmao#the voices are speaking
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On the plus side of this shit show start of the weekend, I made it to 4 months of sober living late last night 🙌
My cell may have been smashed, and I may have spent the night in the ER/hospital now with having to potentially remove an ovary, but......I'm sober.
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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Apparently the local university’s undergraduate entomology course sends students to catch insect specimens at the same place I like to go birdwatching, which explains why I saw three enormous frat looking dudes with tiny bug nets and overheard one emphatically say “bro BRO I told you we already have enough lepidopterans”
#I told my brother (in the ag field) this and he said ‘oh those are definitely turf bros’#apparently entomology is a required course if you want to specialize in golf course management which I guess is a career that some desire#and there is some Westside story type beef between the turf bros taking entomology for pest control reasons and future PHDs who love bugs#actually chatted with them later they were very lovely
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hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month
#shush jesse#EDIT from future me: this post was about astarion but im fully a galegirl (gendy neutch) now so idk what that says#he's also my type for what its worth#this post abt astarion#hes just so painfully on brand for me#i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane#but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers#so like.....secondhand blorbo right now
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Me when I remember something I said ages ago that was wrong or my values no longer align with
#my path of self improvement has been less self righteous and personally gainful#and more just. a lot of embarrassment and pain#like i wouldnt change the path i took to get where i am now but i wouldve chosen to travel that path sooner because omg#nothing hits me like the fear that future me will feel the same way about right now me that right now me feels about past tense me
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Was forced to get a new phone today
#Bluetooth earbuds are the bane of my fucking existence and I hate them so fucking bad#I NEED those wired buds to fiddle with my hands when I’m anxious#I also like not having to fucking CHARGE the things I’m listening to stuff with#I hate this future this sucks bootyass#prince rambles in this chilies tonight
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Must be a Sugondese joke.
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#laios touden#senshi#Looks like I won't be able to post this on dungeon meshi thursday so instead I will have a fun past/future conversation#This is wednesday me who has not seen the episode yet but I have such a strong feeling that it is going to be extremely special.#*This* fight is what the first arc has been building up to and it has *so* many incredible moments.#We're going to see the chilchuck knife throw! The leg sacrifice! The bones!#Watch them ramp up the quality this episode and go wild with the frantic action of 'oh god our plan is going to shit'.#Hello. Me of the future who just watched the episode.#I knew it was going to be good but that...that blew my mind completely. My high expectations were beyond met. My god.#I'm just speechless at how well they handled everything. The leg. The tension. That ENDING.#If you have not already: PLEASE watch Dungeon Meshi.
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dont forget what happened to icarus
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#my art#guhh cat#i like ford the most in this 1 .i struggled hard w fiddleford but thts OKAAAYYYY :thumbs up:#also idk if it translates well at all but i wanted to include stanleys brand.fresh off the press 📣#i do want to come back to this at some point and touch it up . future me w the future ability 2 execute this how i wanted hmmm#but im j happy to have smt i want to draw again LAWLL#gf art is incredibly embarrassing 4 me to post#like not even ab the show (which is awesome amazing legiterally da best) and i loveee lovee all the other art its like.#i feel like there is a magnifying glass looking in2 my soul.exposed. ths is how roly polies and armadillos feel
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Continuation of this
#trying to write bills cipher in character is harder than it looks#I HAD to finish this comic but I have so many other things to do so now I gotta go do that#it’s nearly 1am help#my art#gravity falls#twins in time au#Stan pines#Stanley pines#bill cipher#I think the idea of bill weaponising Stans fear of losing his brother is so interesting a concept#especially because he literally does lose him in the future#baby Stan having to atone for the actions of his future self when he just wants his cool brother to like him#:((((
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enrichment for the baby rogue
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#tavstarion#dadstarion#astarion#tav#plot twist she DEFINITELY saw him but decided not to say anything#he's too shy the best he can do is flowers#they can't see dorian's family very often because he Will teach all the niblings how to lockpick#my favourite domestic astarion future is where he's been gently encouraged to get a hobby
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had some very specific things i wanted to work on this weekend and got possessed by the specter of undercut lae'zel instead 🤦
#lae'zel#bg3#my art#if you have a message in my inbox. im sorry#in the future if i ever say im going to draw something in response to an ask please deploy the spray bottle
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I think I'm gonna get one of these cakes for now actually
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