#Even though I hate confessions
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The last person to live with Abby before Buck was Tommy.
Buck was sleeping in the bed that Tommy slept in.
Kissing the lips that the last person to kiss was Tommy.
Opening the same fridge for a drink that Tommy had opened just a year prior.
The key Buck had to Abby's apartment was probably Tommy's old one.
Buck could've found an old shirt in Abby's draws and claimed it as his own, not realising it used to be Tommy's.
#They have been linked together before they even knew it#Even though I hate confessions#I kinda like the Abby thing#just for this reason#So please don't come after me#Evan buckley#tommy kinard#bucktommy#tevan#911#911 abc
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their ��golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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also dash is it too crazy to get a comm of the sad depressed incest couple I invented? AGLDHSKSJ I just have strong vision for the fic aesthetics and they've been stuck in my head for 2 years
#there is this scene that has been haunting me for 2 years where rin and her go to choshi and they sit by the sea#and she reveals that when she ran away from home (before she ended up with abusive bf no.1)#she was looking for her mom wanting to ask her why she never aborted her#and then is like 'i feel like i have only ever brought trouble and suffering to my family i dont know why i exist'#and basically confesses that she knows everyone of her family members hates her#and rin is like that isnt true of me. he doesnt really say he loves her (too emotionally inarticulate)#but she can tell and is like 'you mean to say you love me despite being my brother?'#it sounds like an incest thing - 'you love me romantically even though you are my brother?'#but it is actually about familial love - 'you love me even though as my brother you have every reason to hate me?'#ive tried to write it 10x times but ive been limited by skill issues each time lol#OK GOOD NIGHT FR#i need to get better....flight in the AM 😭#yueshuo#cw.incest
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This. This. This entire conversation with Morrigan actually makes me want to sob. She and my Tabris always becomes close friends over the course of DAO; that, paired with the fact that my Tabris always romances Alistair, makes everything about this hurt so much more when you take DAO's ending into account.
Her confusion over why my Tabris didn't send her away. Why she didn't abandon her after they learned of Flemeth's plans. Why Tabris went out of her way to slay Flemeth and bring her the true grimoire. She asks Tabris why, and is baffled when the answer is, "I did it because I'm your friend," as if it's that simple.
The way Morrigan looks at the warden, the way her voice cracks when she says, "I want you to know that while I may not always prove... worthy... of your friendship, I will always value it."
She knows how this will end; Flemeth sent her with the wardens with the end goal of stopping the blight and obtaining the old god soul through the dark ritual. Morrigan knows that Alistair and Tabris are the only Grey Wardens here, and assuming they don't find more, one of them will have to die defeating the archdemon unless they agree to do the dark ritual.
With that context, her asking Alistair, "And what if a Grey Warden has forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?" suddenly has so much subtext weaved through the words that I'm gonna start foaming at the mouth. She's practically telling Alistair that a warden has to die. She's scrutinizing his reaction to find any hint that suggests he would agree to the dark ritual in order to save himself and the woman he loves. And when he doesn't choose, she has her answer.
Morrigan made comments to Tabris about him, almost hopeful that their relationship was just a physical thing between them and not actually riddled with feelings... and then gives disapproval when Tabris says she loves him.
She doesn't want the warden to die; hell, she doesn't want Alistair to die, either; whether because she does actually care about him or because she knows it'll break her friend's heart if she loses him, or both!
Things would be so much easier if the only two Grey Wardens left to defeat the blight didn't fall in love, wouldn't they, Morrigan?
She knows that in the end, no matter the outcome, she will lose the woman she called sister and it's devastating.
Morrigan, who has never known true friendship. Who grew up isolated in the woods with an abusive mother and terrible implications for her future. Who discovered said mother planned to take over her body just as she did with her other daughters. Who doesn't understand kindness as it was rarely given to her without a catch. Who isolates herself from the others in camp. Who finally has a companion she cares about... and in the end, if her plan works and the dark ritual is completed, she'll end up pregnant and alone and wearing Tabris' resentment like a tender wound on her heart.
Or Tabris will reject the ritual, and will die to the archdemon.
Or her lover will.
I just- the dynamic between the warden, romanced Alistair, and Morrigan is so good and painful and rich that I'm gnawing on furniture as we speak.
#dragon age origins#dao#alistair theirin#dao alistair#dao morrigan#dao tabris#warden tabris#i'm replaying dao right now in case my recent written posts haven't made that obvious#the relationship dynamics the warden has with each of the companions is so so soooo good like there isn't a companion i dislike#i play into the slow burn with alistair's romance but it's not even just the romance aspect it's also their friendship too#playing dao and not romancing alistair would feel wrong at this point for me it's so crucial to the entire story and its development#and i love morrigan's friendship with the warden and how gutted tabris is when she comes clean about everything and offers the ritual#and then bails once everything is over and tabris is torn between hating her and feeling hurt and not wanting morrigan to be alone again#i talked more in depth about morrigan and the ritual in a previous post but it's a lot... especially when it comes to the witch hunt dlc#oh and then there's the friendship between tabris and zevran like don't even get me started on that sksksks i won't be able to stop#even a character like oghren who is the last person you'd think tabris would ever become friends with since he's y'know *oghren*#but i'll go on the record and say there's more to oghren that gets overlooked and overshadowed by his glaring flaws#and i don't wanna talk about leliana... she makes me too sad like ever since my last playthrough where i accidentally triggered her romance#while i was deep in alistair's romance i have a really hard time not reading into the things she says to tabris#in my last playthrough i dunno what i did but she confessed to tabris even though she was fully aware that tabris and alistair were togethe#and it was a *mess* okay like it really felt like we killed marjolaine and leliana was in a vulnerable position yet was hardened enough#to be like 'i know she and alistair are together but i'll take my shot anyway and attempt to break them up' like.... noooooo leliana D:#and the rest of the game it felt like she was bitter and still in love with tabris and i felt *horrible*#i just said i don't wanna talk about it but hhhnnngggg i'm taking extra precautions to not have a repeat of that this time#excuse my tag ramblings i'm just very passionate about dao and the companions okay#also want to note that this is my interpretation of morrigan's motivations based on how i play the game and my warden#so others might view this reaction and the warden/romanced alistair/morrigan dynamic differently and in that case#i would be interested to hear that different interpretations because those are always fun to read
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Yuuji's yogurt opinions has inspired me to eat plain yogurt with strawberry flahouring instead of buying strawberry yogurt
yuuji is a lifestyle influencer.... !
#confession time i wrote that whole scene even though i hate yogurt/fruit yogurt. however i do witness my loved ones fruit yogurt opinions#so i drew on them LOL#fic chat
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you're a french-morrocan (also change your pfp i hate it)
Confession #10.
#Ten confessions! Okay...#I am not even French. Please.#I hate speaking the language.#My name was never Mohammed. It was Klebald.#We're kind of twins#Don't you think?#Klebald#tcc tumblr#I would delete this account but I feel as though I'm in too deep.
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I was thinking the other day that man, kokuto neji is such a character and I haven't liked a writer character like this since... shang qinghua?
which naturally led me to this thought: jj fic with svsss-style au where neji transmigrates/gets isekai'd into the world of havenna. as domina, of course.
it's extra fucked up imo because at least when sqh transmigrated in his book, he made up all of those characters and they mostly stayed in the realm of fantasy. like, sure, lbh was kinda based on himself in some ways and mbj was his ideal fantasy, but they still mostly stayed fictional, you know? sqq (sy) had to fix his plots because the characters sqh wrote strayed too far from their original plotlines
but theater makes a fictional world a bit too real and personal, especially when you use real people as inspirations for your writing. with neji, he'd be looking at rukiora and see three different people (mitsuki acting as rukiora; rukiora who was written based on a younger version of neji; rukiora who is her own person in this weirdly real world of havenna). neji would see fugio and to him that is both sou acting as fugio and the fugio who grew up with poison flowers. miguel is both fumi and the guy who ran away from his neshiromi fields. the only constant would probably be chicchi. she is too much like kisa in that... well. neji didn't really have a backstory for chicchi. chicchi is a blank canvas just like kisa is as an actor.
anyway. yeah, very sv-style character arc where neji, much like shen yuan in sv, is forced to humanize the villain. except this villain was his creation and is also tied to a bunch of personal issues for neji that he Doesn't Want To Think About and also he doesn't? really understand the character he wrote tbh?
isn't art supposed to process your emotions for you!! why must he process these himself!!
can you imagine neji, who always casts himself as a seer of some sort (fortune teller, ushinoko) or someone who generally has some control over his future or his "creation" (who is mary if not just another side of neji anyway; she's takihime redux, and takihime is also. neji). imagine this dude being transported inside the play he wrote but he doesn't understand it and he has no control over it and everyone's acting both in character and out of character. he both knows and doesn't know these people. they're fictional but also... real? does he treat them as real people? is domina real? he wanted his actors to imbue parts of themselves into his characters. are these people really just characters from a script? are they his quartz classmates? is he allowed to even hope that that's the case?
it's both THE improv exercise of his dreams and also. a nightmare
#mine musings#liveblogging jj#jack jeanne#i do kinda want to write this eventually. like separate from a njmtsks fic#oh god. not me wanting to write a fic about a story within another story. oh rama havenna...#we can even throw in the whole prayer theme. like yes the priest preaches in a godless town and he carries a bible but hear me out#what if the god he's preaching about is himehiko instead#like. prayers and confession as offerings to a theater god. said theater god put you in your own play to “help” you fix it bc you#as the scriptwriter don't even understand anything about your own play#i kinda envision this as a neji & kai fic#though neji mostly struggles with rukiora and chicchi and the way domina prevents him from reacting authentically#neji knows everyone's backstories and inspiration but them BAM he has to face chicchi and he doesn't know anything about her#bc he was banking on kisa making chicchi her own character and being the 'transparent vessel' that helps everyone improve#and also he just had zero notes about chicchi lmao#neji every night at pontartia: is she being ooc right now or is this how chicchi was supposed to be all this time#like remember that time when he said to sou that he only realized what mukai's character was about after kisa got her act together#it's happening agaaainnnnn with chicchi#meanwhile rukiora hates him soooo much and neji is sad that he can't even confess about this to the priest bc it would be ooc for domina#mikki hates him!! except that's not mikki. but she looks and sounds and acts like mikki!! and also like a younger version of neji!!#he'll look to jire and he's all sad and mopey and neji is like. suzu having nuance is GREAT but also suzu not being cheery feels so bad man#where's my moodmaker? hachipochi missing hours :(#he tries to talk to sou but that's not sou that's fugio and also. fugio only cares about chicchi#domina barely even interacts with miguel so neji has to devise ways for domina to talk to him while being in character#but the minute he gets close rukiora is there and miguel would never talk to someone that makes rukiora upset. go away madame!!#neji is left to commiserate with otori/facchio and himehiko is laughing in the background
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I miss queer-baiting, I know it was bad bc they didn’t give us our gays in the end sure yes but goddamnit gay shows now give us our gays too quick!! I want to wait three seasons before they even hold hands thank you!!! New gay shows can make them kiss and hug but they can’t do what those gays ten years ago could, stare at each other longingly while yearning for each other and create 4 thousand new fics on ao3 overnight with nothing but a bad script and sexual tension on their backs to pull them through!!!
#I’m talking johnlock#destiel#bbc merthur#thoschei#a little bit nygmobblepot even though they confessed feelings multiple times#AND VOLTRON WITH KLANCE OMG#I hate heart stopper it doesn’t have that insane gay chemistry#OH#hannibal#aswell#hannigram#tell me ur fav queerbait or non confirmed gay ship
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Looking back it's funny how the very few times I lost my shit reading fanworks/blogs involved other people's takes on Kevin's character and they were really good anyway lmao
#has anybody ever experienced that obsession where you had to go back to a particular fanfic even though you HATED what you saw lol#cause it's actually well written and compelling and you can't help re-read it even if it made you shake in anger the first time lol#i mean like heart pounding visceral reaction “this is so real and i hate it”#embarrassing confessions#it's honestly fond memories cause it's not often that a fic makes me feel so strong (in a way it probably wasn't meant to lol)
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the lxl situations radio sure was. ✨a thing✨
#(spoilers in tags here shhshdhxhsjhdjsjsjshs)#the lxl situations radio lmfaoooooooooooooooooooooooooo#most of the solo situations were at school of all places lol#yujiro’s were 1) the after school tutoring from the crossfade 2) sharing an umbrella on a rainy day 3) trying out for stuco pres(???)#aizo’s were 1) carrying an injured julieta to the infirmary 2) confessing at a summer festival 3) welcoming someone home*#*’dinner? a bath? or me?’ style and all#(aizo made fireworks sound effects during the confession scene though. admire the commitment to the bit tbh)#but the paired situations. LOL. LMAO. AHAHCJSJZJSJZJSJAJSJJXJSJSJSS#the first one was an idol self intro as ‘ai♡yuu’. the second one was literally butlerxbutler (with a julieta as the lady they serve)#and the third!!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO they had to act as each other’s pets#yujiro had the most unenthusiastic ‘nya’s i’ve ever heard lmaooooo ‘you’re gross nya’ lmfaoooooo#and aizo was *way* into acting as a dog lmaoooooo#‘we’re going on a walk!’ ‘WOOOF WOOOF WOOF’ ‘loljk we’re going to the hospital’ ‘[sad whimpers]’ i can’t even with them lmfaooooooo#the last situation was just ‘happy birthday julieta’ though. disappointing.#and the bonus situation was ‘what if lxl were an angel and a demon’#aizo said that he’d be the angel and yujiro’d be the demon. yujiro was *not* happy lol#but. g o d. i hate them smmmm. whyyyy are they like this ausucjsjdjskjsjsjsjshs#染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—
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y'know originally i had a big "yay i finished my exchange fic!!" post planned but it's literally an entire week late soo. that feels a little pathetic at this point el oh el
that being said - i finished my exchange fic! i have absolutely no control over when it will be posted, but i'll make sure to put it here when it is!
please please please go follow the deadcoddoves twitter account if you're at all interested in this exchange, they'll be posting about everyone else's fics too!!!
#never ever doing writing a fic with a deadline attached again. im too much of a chronic procrastinator for this#i have learned some things about myself though#(1) i tap out at writing about 4k words a day lmao. after getting that much written my brain is drained completely#(2) i am really really bad at not putting things off until the last minute. which i already knew but WOW this made it obvious#anyways!!! gonna go read all the fics i've missed this week! ceil im coming for you#also if we're deep in the tags and confessing things...#y'all i am sooo self-conscious about this fic LMFAOO ohh i hate it. i hate it so much.#thinking about turning comments off on ao3 for it tbh#but i think part of that is because it's so late. like this damn fic was a full seven days late and it's not even my best work???#ohhhh i am Embarrassed. well and truly humiliated#anyways my counterplan is to write a bunch of other stuff im proud of so i can stop feeling like shit lmfao#the mods were very patient and kind tho shout out to them for not hating me
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tbh the term dubiously canon is the biggest scam imaginable. and i don't mean that as in the hs2/bc teams are scamming you. no i mean this phrase has been sabotaging those teams and beyond canon since day 1. like what has post canon gained from using this phrase? cause they don't get the absolute freedom to do stupid shit that being noncanon carries with it. meanwhile canonicity has just brought it constant heat from all eyes being drawn to it, only to be constantly kicked in the face when they attempt something big by someone going "oh its not actually canon". they have the worst of both worlds here.
hell even on the meta front of trying to cause "the heat death of canon", it backfired and now the fandom is way too obsessed with canonicity. we went from people treating paradox space comics as canon unless it was completely impossible, to us creating a fucking panopticon of canonicity. this phrase is just ass.
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#homestuck confession#mod anu#homestuck#I think I get what you mean#I don't consider any of it canon#But that phrase has me wondering#Even though I feel a lot of it would have never happened#If it was just a team goofing around there probably wouldn't be so much post canon hate too#I agree with this phrase having them in a clutch
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I am visiting extended family and experiencing a spectrum of shrimp emotions both positive and negative. Positive because I love them and love spending time with them. Negative for reasons I feel so self conscious about I can’t bring myself to explain them outside of the tags even in my anonymous personal blog. I can’t sleep even though I’m exhausted. every night I’m pacing from anxiety as I try to figure out which parts of me to be honest about and which to conceal for the sake of not? Deeply hurting the people I care about? Even though I haven’t done anything wrong so if they are hurt that’s not on me.
#this post is primarily about whether I confess that I categorically and completely do not believe in the divinity of Jesus#And maybe telling them to stop trying to make my Jewish faith about the guy because that is offensive along multiple axes#So far I’ve been evading things and giving noncommittal answers to their questions but I feel so… dishonest#Not that I owe them honesty. Their questions are not appropriate#But I feel like I’m not being honest and respecting MYSELF by not owning my own deeply held beliefs#And I have no reason not to tell them except fear that they’ll be upset. Even though that reaction would be on them and not on me!#Once I start my PhD in the fall my stipend will allow me to be financially independent. I am exceedingly privileged in that regard#So there’s no financial risk to me if I alienate them to the point of cutting me off. Not that I think that’s remotely likely.#My own immediate family have been really supportive. My mom especially (my brother less so but he’s trying and I think he’ll get there)#But also. Jesus is so important to them that the one thing I could see myself getting cut off from at least extended family over is this#I’m so frustrated with them and honestly hurt by all the Christian supercessionist bullshit they’ve foisted on me this week#Trying to contort my faith into some validation of theirs. Completely steamrollering and erasing all the beautiful and unique aspects of#Judaism in the process. Trying to explain my own religion to me even though I’ve studied it for YEARS#There are some things they’ve said that are so offensively wrong it hurts#They mean well but honestly it makes it feel even worse#I feel bad but… it’s gotten to the point that I viscerally hate any mention of Jesus#Used to feel neutral about him. Could talk about him positively in the name of interfaith understanding#But the more my family tries to force him on me the more I loathe the idea of him#vent#personal#religion#religion tw#sorry I know this is potentially sensitive subject matter for people#Christian antisemitism
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All I can think of when I watch JJ and Will's scenes in 3x17 is just
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#criminal minds#jennifer jareau#will lamontagne#asdfghgfdfg it must hurt Will so much#like poor dude just wants her friends to know he likes her and she likes him#and she's just like DO I NOT HAVE A HUMAN RIGHT TO PRIVACY#ALSO YOU DON'T WANNA MOVE TO QUANTICO AND I KNOW THAT EVEN THOUGH WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT#ALSO I WANT TO BREAK UP BUT I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU THAT UNTIL NOW FOR NO REASON#(and then they got married and had two sons and she ??? confessed her love for Reid ??? @ cm writers what the fuuuuuuuuucckkkkkk)#I really hate some decisions the writers made for this show so much
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I’m fighting for my life to hold onto life’s whimsy and be a brown bimbo and a house hermit who reads on rainy days and a creative who writes after work and a social butterfly who goes out to non-work events and a human who cooks real meals but
GOSH FREAKING DAMMIT ADULTHOOD IS ATTEMPTING TO CONSUME ME WHOLE
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#I HAVENT READ A BOOK IN THREE YEARS#I FEEL LIKE I DONT BELONG IN THE FANDOM WORLD ANYMORE#I MISS HAVING FREE TIME TO JUST SIT AND READ#I’m so close to quitting teaching even though I love my students and my job#I’m also in grad school but like for what I hate it#full time jobs#adulthood#teacher life#grad student#teacher confessions#grad school#adult adhd#higher education#student loans#working full time#growing up#early 20s#mid 20s#overthinking#overworked#overworked and underpaid#fandom#fangirl#burn out#adhd burnout#nuerodivergent#but the workload is unreal#i’m so tired#I’m tired of paperwork
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also like to clarify.. we were not expecting her to leave. and any time she would have left would’ve been bad timing but it’s like.. this was HER program and we didn’t have enough time to really get to know it as well as she did (and still does probably). and there are so many flaws in it that we didn’t have time to address and our attention was spread so thin bc we were / still are juggling a million things and trying to compensate for the vacancy in our already extremely and egregiously small staff. so i get that the leaders may be feeling unsupported and resentful of that and that is very valid. but it’s like.. if that is in fact the case i think it’s important to know that this is not ideal for us either. we lost the person who knew this program inside and out and we still haven’t recovered and even though her position has been filled now (by my new colleague bestie who is AMAZING and has been helpful and supportive and has gone above and beyond in every way and i adore them don’t get me wrong) we may never fully recover from it or at least we won’t for a very long time. and im not even just talking about like the impact on our work. i mean on us as people who were closely psychically bound together. which sounds freakish and weird but we were. that wound is going to take a long time to fully scar and when the scar forms it will always be there. so excuse us for not putting on a perfect asb less than a year after she left us we are kind of seeing the consequences of all of the horrors right now lol.
#purrs#delete later#i need to not be so fucking bitter about it i know it’s not helpful at all. but it just feels so unfair. i feel attacked. i know we had a#lot of room to grow and we still do but it’s like.. we did the best we could and we’re doing the best we could now. and it just sucks. the#things we thought were going well were not. and the things i need to cope they have grudges about. so like what the fuck ever. it’s like at#this point i hate all of them and never want to see them again. LIKE THE WAY IVE BEEN FUCKING BENDING OVER BACKWARDS over text trying to#help one of them bc she texts me all the time and it turns out she thinks we’re evil??? lol. ok. whatever. like go fuck yourself lmao#<- i need to just get this out of my system bc it’s soooo immature and unhelpful and not how a staff member should respond to this and#posting abt it online is dangerous and has consequences. but i just feel so miserable. and small. and painfully aware of my smallness.#and alone and helpless. and unable to support the people who actually are being responsible and mature and coming to confess stuff to us#even though they’re snitching or whatever. like this shit is so unbelievably fucking stupid and i shouldn’t be letting it get me down but i#just feel very vulnerable to it all rn and lonely. but typing out my thoughts and knowing peopel will read them helps (cringe). ok i should#go to bed now bc we have a very long and early day tmrrw and i haven’t prepared for what im supposed to do AT ALL bc we were in that session#for like 5 hours when it was only supposed to be 1.5 and i didn’t get to eat and my ut*rus is trying to rip my body apart like a wolverine!#* unable to support the ppl who are actually being responsible.. LET ALONE my colleague besties who are each carrying the burdens of this in#different ways and are also processing this difficult news in ways that will have implications for our past present and future! like lollll
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