#Especially when they pile up like this

[amethystina]

I saw someone ask how many chapters you think Who Holds the Devil will be, and it got me thinking about how long (word wise) it might actually end up being since it’s already ~270K. This fic is a monster where it currently stands and if there’s still a lot left to go, the final word count might be insane. It makes me curious as to what the longest fic you’ve ever written was. Have you ever written a singular fic as big as this one before? What’s the most challenging part of writing stories this big? Is it outlining, continuity, or is it less to do with the story itself and more to do with things like potential burnout etc.?

(Okay, so, this is going to be quite long (which is very on-brand), perhaps a little more detailed than you asked for, and also delve into my insecurities in a way that might be TMI. Read at your own risk x'D)

Yeah, I can't say for sure how many chapters I'll write or how high the final word count will be, but it's definitely going to be a very, very long fic.

As for other fics I've written, my very first fanfic was a series (three parts that tell an overarching story, plus nine bonus chapters) that clocks in at 290k. And, after that, I've written two more than go past the 100k mark, one at 183k (if you count the bonus chapters) and another that lands at 127k. So writing long fics isn't anything new to me, but Who Holds the Devil is definitely the longest so far.

As for the most challenging part, that differs depending on the story. That first fic I wrote was a Teen Wolf one where I basically did a third season (before the actual third season aired) and the challenge was definitely the continuity, keeping all the details in order (both from canon and my own creations), and making sure to write the frankly rather big cast of characters in a believable way. It was meant to be a cohesive story that spanned over three parts, but each part also had to have its own internal structure and climax, slowly building up to the big finale in the third instalment. Hilariously enough, I was too young and dumb to even realise how big of an undertaking that was and just kept writing, blissfully unaware of my own hubris. And, somehow, I pulled it off.

But in hindsight? I was nothing short of insane. Especially considering my, at the time, untested skills at actually finishing a story of that length — in English, to boot, which isn't even my native language. I had written original stories before that, some of which were quite long, but none of that size or complexity. Like, I'm not sure I would dare try that now, even with the added experience and skills I've accumulated since then x'D

Sometimes, ignorance truly is bliss.

Anyhow, the more I write, the easier the outlining, continuity, pacing, characters etc. gets so that's rarely a problem. And a lot of that has always come naturally to me in a way I can't really explain. Like, that 183k fic? I wrote that entirely without a timeline, outline, or notes. I just kept it all in my head and went by instinct and, somehow, never had to go back and correct a mistake — not even once. Which is kind of wild when I look back on it (not to mention reckless) but yeah. And the fic is Autonomy, for those of you wondering.

I don't know what it's like for others, but I rarely get stuck on planning and outlining. I usually just figure out a beginning and a couple of key scenes and off I go. And then everything just falls into place as I keep writing, sort of outlining itself without conscious effort from me, long before I actually reach that point in the story (my brain works faster than my hands, I guess? xD). So I usually figure out the ending before I reach the halfway point and then it's just a matter of filling in the empty spaces in between. And, somehow, my brain just automatically manages to figure out the pacing, continuity, and details without me having to pay attention. Don't ask me how that works, it just does x'D

Since it's so much bigger, I do have a timeline for Who Holds the Devil, though, to keep track of where we are and remember important dates (like Go Eun's birthday! :D) as well as a document with notes for future scenes. But that's mostly because I got so excited about some of them and wanted to write down all the cool dialogue before I accidentally forgot it.

So I would say that the more experience I get, it's definitely not the story itself that makes writing long fics difficult — that part is honestly the easy one. Burnout is definitely a factor, though, especially for a fic of this length. Basically, I'm a sprinter, not a marathon runner. I will usually write a lot of words in a short period of time, then have long stretches when I write nothing at all. If I divide my total word count from last year, I actually wrote over 500 words a day, except it's usually more along the lines of 6k three days in a row, then nothing for three weeks x'D

Anyway, since I know this about myself, I usually never start posting a fic until I've finished writing it, since there might otherwise be months without updates. But I obviously had to change that with Who Holds the Devil and that has proven a bit of a challenge, I will admit. I'm not used to regular or even semi-regular updates like this, so I've had to change my habits quite a lot. But I still make sure to recognise when I have to take longer breaks (which does happen, usually after a very intense portion of the fic) just to let my brain cool down a little.

Fortunately, since I'm very goal-oriented, I never lose sight of what I'm doing, however, even during these breaks. I'm not someone who needs to feel inspired or motivated to keep writing, so I can just pick it up again whenever I like. That's not to say I force myself to write, but I can usually trick myself into getting excited enough to continue simply by taking myself over that first hurdle when everything just feels boring and uninteresting.

I'm stubborn as all hell, is what I'm saying, which is definitely useful when writing long fics.

Because, at a certain point, you're going to need more than just inspiration and eagerness if you want to finish. I have not written a single long fic during which I didn't have a moment — often more than one — where I questioned if I truly wanted to continue or not, either because I was at a boring part of the story or felt overwhelmed by the thought of how much further I had to go.

And that's honestly the most challenging part with Who Holds the Devil. I'm confident in my writing, my characterisation, my ideas, and even my plot, but sometimes when I look at my notes and see how much more I have to write, all I feel is doubt. And, in an interesting turn of events, it's not even my own commitment I'm doubting, but everyone else's.

I know I can get through this and stick with this fic to the bitter end, but can you?

Now, don't misunderstand me — my readers don't owe me anything. You can stop reading any time and you should if you're not enjoying the story, but I would be lying if I said that the amount of criticism and questions I get about the length isn't beginning to wear me down. It makes me second-guess every single choice I've made about the plot, pacing, and overall tone of the story.

At the same time, of course I get why people ask. Some want to know when they can start reading because WIPs are scary (I can totally relate) and these readers have no reason to trust me when I say that I will finish this fic, come hell or high water. Heck, I've already lost two grandparents during the writing of this fic and I'm still going. I even tried to write one chapter while sitting at my grandmother's bedside, waiting for her to die (bad idea in hindsight, my writing was very incoherent — do not recommend).

But it's not like everyone who runs across my fic automatically knows that. They don't know me so of course they'll ask, not knowing that they're the fifth person to do so in less than two months. And that kind of hurts.

And I won't deny that there's probably a bit of pride involved as well — it's annoying to have people question my choices — but, more than anything, it's telling me that I must be doing something wrong. My readers don't trust me. And, well, that's kind of alarming as a writer, when the whole point is to take someone on a ride and they keep asking you for directions or "are we there yet?"

Clearly, I'm doing something wrong.

Now, this is not EVERYONE. I have so, so many lovely readers who enjoy both the insane length and glacial slow burn of this fic — I know that. But there's always a niggling doubt at the back of my mind that I'm eventually going to alienate every single reader because this fic is just Too Long. Or that they'll simply give up on the story since it's going to take us beyond Yo Han and Ga On kissing. Like, this fic isn't just about the two of them getting together, but also how they'll make their relationship work in the long term with their individual and shared baggage taken into account. It's going to continue long past the point of them kissing for the first time, as well as them having sex for the first time.

And a lot of people lose interest after the first kiss or the first sex scene. Which is fine — each to their own — but it's very disheartening to be told that as the author. I've had people ask me in what chapter they'll finally kiss so they can jump to that chapter and ignore the rest. I've had people tell me they're going to stop reading because they just can't stand the annoyingly slow burn anymore. I've had people tell me the fic is already too long for them to read and, here I am, knowing it'll take a lot more words to even come close to finishing it.

And that, at least in the case with Who Holds the Devil, is the biggest challenge — to stay motivated and committed when more and more people are telling me I'm not doing this right. It's daunting enough as a writer to look at your fic and realise that, damn, I have such a long way to go, without also having people tell you, to your face, that, yeah, that's way too fucking long, what the fuck are you doing?

It makes you wonder why you should even keep going, especially when you know how much time and effort you're going to have to devote to the project.

What's the point?

Because despite all the lovely comments I get, praising the level of detail and how realistic everything feels, we all know that negative comments have a tendency to stick with us longer. I can't ignore them even if I desperately want to. And, to make matters worse, not all of them are even intended to be mean. Some just want to know how long the fic will be — which is fully reasonable. But those entirely reasonable questions just pile on top of this mountain of doubt I already have, telling me that this is all pointless. My commitment to this fic is a mistake. I'm wasting my time. It's not Good Enough. It's Too Long.

Now, all that said, I love Who Holds the Devil. I love exploring the characters and the story, and I honestly don't think I'll stop writing it. Because, cliché as it might sound, I do write for myself, not others. I share with others because I know people like my writing, but I'd still be writing even if no one wants to read it. So, worst-case scenario, if people are no longer interested, I'll just keep writing it but will stop posting.

Because, when it comes down to it, I don't need validation to write. I can write in complete solitude. As mentioned, I usually finish a fic before posting, which means I've sometimes completed a 60k fic without a single word of encouragement from another person. I LOVE validation, as most writers do, but I don't actually need it to keep working on a project.

Interestingly, what I'm seeing with Who Holds the Devil, is that too much attention can, apparently, instead make me doubt my commitment to a project in a way that's honestly pretty fascinating? I felt more confident about the fic BEFORE I started posting it, BEFORE I knew if anyone would even want to read it x'D

Now is when I feel the doubt, because what these comments are telling me is that, sure, a lot of people would want to read this fic, but it's too long so now they're not gonna. And, in many ways, that feels like a failure on my part, even if I of course know that tastes differ, we can't please everyone etc. etc.

Tell that to my anxiety.

So yeah. For me, personally, it's definitely outside things that make writing long fics difficult, more specifically opinions from other people that make me doubt my skill level, intentions with the fic, and if it's even worth writing in the first place. I'm actually pretty confident about the rest and, even if I struggle sometimes, I can usually push my way through those issues.

Sidenote: As someone who likes to analyse people's behaviour (including my own), it's pretty fascinating to realise that my biggest issue isn't that I feel pressured to produce more or post on a certain schedule — which is what most fanfic authors struggle with — but that I might, in fact, be doing too much? My fic is just too goddamn long for people to handle.

Like, you gotta admit — that's pretty funny xD

Anyway. All of that said, know that I don't regret writing Who Holds the Devil and that I certainly don't regret posting it. I also have every intention of finishing it and I doubt I'll actually reach a point where I'll stop posting. As long as there's even one person out there who enjoys reading the fic, that's enough for me to keep posting.

So to all of you out there — especially if you happen to be one of those who just casually asked me how long the fic will be without knowing all of this shit — I'm fine. I'm not angry or upset with you. I know the majority of you love the fic and wouldn't want me to change a thing. I also know that these insecurities of mine are… well, not unreasonable, but I don't need to listen to them. And I try my best not to (it's just difficult some days, you know?)

So, to finish this off, just know that I love you, appreciate you, and have no regrets. And thank you so, so much for reading my fic, even if it's long, and taking the time to comment, kudos, or even just gush about it with your friends. To know that my writing brings joy to other people and that it can help support you through difficult times or make your day better is the best feeling ever.

Thank you 💜

… also, chapter 29 will probably be another 15k one, because fuck my life x'D

[justablah56]

per aspera crew cuddle pile be upon ye <3

[shaadowmilkcookie]

he

[noirleo]

the boys didnt grow up with pressure from other peers to conform to toxic masculinity, and master splinter was always affectionate with them growing up since he was also never exposed to societal expectations for how men should behave or how fathers should withhold expressions of love or approval from their children. since they were all they had growing up, the boys are extremely physically affectionate with each other and have no problem hugging/snuggling so argue with the wall if u disagree

[icewindandboringhorror]

Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...

[scientologyblows]

okay but lets be very serious here right now, when they release a statement what exactly is that gonna change? don admitted to him and lex having intercourse (which shows that he coerced her) and matt and ryans texts show that the situation was handled VERY poorly. an apology isnt enough for the trauma they both have caused

[whatudottu]

New OC time, and for every person to call him an animal Wrau adds another tally to his shit list-

Ough fuck my hand broke

[extinctfowl]

the fact ive seen werewolf aus for every team Except blue when missa canonically did(the most weak and pathetic) howl is so so sad. i alone carry the torch of blue werewolves

[ilkkawhat]

Heya! Hope you’re doing okay ❤️

well, i didn't cry today (and more importantly didn't cry at work in front of everybody) so I'm taking that as a sign that things are getting better...I hope 😅

[not-krys]

47. Creation [Abby, Miri]

Happy Last Wednesday of March! It's that time again, another theme to get the writing juices going. This time, we got the theme of creation!

Raw, unedited writing below. We got Leonardo making observations about Abby and Vincent in her section, while Miri's section is cute and sweet with Luke and Barbatos.

Check out my masterlist!

-----

Abby

Leonardo stood in the doorway of Vincent's room, sunlight pouring into the room, but there was something else in the room that could rival the sun in brightness and warmth.

Vincent's back was to him, his apron tied loosely around his torso. His feet were planted firmly on the floor as he sat on his stool. And if that had been the only thing of note, he might have left, to leave a fellow artist to his creation devices.

But the second set of feet, dangling between Vincent's, and a smaller hand holding onto a paintbrush in his, had the older vampire smiling with affection.

He remembered the day he had found Abby struggling to make her lines looser and how he had given her some tips, as an artist, but also to help with her general demeanor. Scrunched up like a nervous kitten wouldn't help her in the long run and he had hoped the message got across when he was teaching her.

Now, it seemed it was Vincent's turn to help her, much closer to her than he had been, sitting in his lap. Both of them were growing bolder, he thought. A natural process for Abby as she was overcoming her timidity, but she wasn't the only one growing bold. Leonardo looked at his hand, remembering when he had attempted to pat her head, something he had done countless times to encourage the little cara before, only for Vincent's hand to stop him, pushing him away from her not unlike a lover would protect his love from unwarranted advances.

He chuckled and pushed away from the door frame, closing the door fully behind him. He also couldn't help but see Vincent's hand tightening on Abby's thigh, a blue eye briefly glancing directly at him for a split second before returning his attention back to the painting session.

Even for all of his long life, Leonardo felt the briefest of chills from that single look and started walking away, lighting his cigarillo as he walked away.

"Cavolo…" he whispered, shaking his shoulders of their tension.

----------

Miri

Miri looked at the timer on her D.D.D and checked the time, Luke standing nearby. Barbatos held onto oven mitts that matched Miri's and Luke's mitts, a gentle smile on his face.

"Is it almost done?" Luke asked.

"It's pretty close, I think." Miri answered, checking the time one last time. "It should be pretty close to that cake we saw on Devilgram the other day."

"What was it called?"

"In the Human Realm, we called it a castella cake."

"And you bake it with steam?"

"Yep, that's what makes it so light and fluffy, along with all the air inside it. That's what makes it move like that."

"It wiggled so much in that Devilgram video, it looked alive!"

"I hope this one wiggles just as much!"

A soft beeping soon echoed in the kitchen, alerting all three to the time.

"Moment of truth, everyone!" Miri said, stepping to one side of the giant oven. Luke scrambled over to her side, oven mitts at the ready.

"Please be cautious as I open the door." said Barbatos, carefully pulling down on the handle.

Hot air soon filled the room, making Miri and Luke wince, but only momentarily as the smell of baked cake soon followed. Barbatos pulled the rack forward, hot water sloshing around in the pan.

"On the count of three," Barbatos said, putting his mitted hands on one side of the baking pan. Miri and Luke took the opposite corners, ready to lift the massive cake from its watery bath, which was both longer and stood taller than all three bakers combined.

On his command, the three lifted the massive cake, moving it to the nearby counter, amazed at how much it did indeed move and wiggle, dancing to their movements.

"Wahh!" Luke exclaimed, "it does move!"

"Told you it would!" Miri laughed.

Barbatos only smiled gently.

"I'm sure that everyone will be pleased with your efforts, both of you. A job well done."

"We all made it together!" Miri said, "and I think there should be enough for everyone! Even Beel!"

"Perhaps you should message them to come to the castle?" Barbatos was already turning away, intent on finding his master, hopefully still working on the paperwork left for him that day.

"Yeah, it's waaay too big for me to carry by myself. We can have a castella party!"

"Yeah!" Luke said, "I'll message Simeon and Solomon! They have to come too!"

[minttey]

everyone be proud of me I just deep cleaned my room after like a month of not cleaning it and letting it get dirty due to depression

[myauditionfordrphil]

Rant in the tags, ignore it if you want.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

This is gonna sound so simple but one thing the show did really well is make the ladies so distinct that even in writing, especially in writing actually. It's not just a personality thing or a context thing, they had very distinct speech rhythms and joke structures. I feel like so many shows forgo this and are just amorphous blobs of humor.

Anon, that's not simple at all, and I agree with you completely!! The writers really knew what they were doing with the Girls as characters. Each of the Girls has her own particular way of speaking and joking and telling stories -- it's a lot of fun to analyze!! Especially when you notice they've picked up on one of the other Girls' speech patterns :)

Honestly, the Girls feel like complete, strong characters under all POVs! Even the costume people were incredible in their work -- I don't know a thing about fashion, and even I can tell that each girl has a peculiar style (in the kind of clothes they wear, the colours, the cuts, the inspiration...). They all have a *strong* identity, both visually and in writing / speech patterns!

[dustyfairywings]

Ok I think I know now how I wanna go about organizing my blogs.

I’m gonna make dedicated fan blogs for Blue Eye Samurai and Hazbin Hotel each. I’m gonna continue doing any original posts or reblogs about either within their respective blogs.

In the case of the BES blog specifically I’ll also be blogging about Edo Japan more broadly since I’ve wound up doing a lot of research in earnest about the period for fan fiction writing. I’m also thinking I’ll throw up any BES-related journal writing exercises I do over there. It’s probably gonna be a sort of open journal documenting my writing and research process interspersed with reblogs of others’ fan art, fanfics, and fan theories.

Likewise I will set up dedicated side blogs for any other specific non-fandom topics or aesthetics. I’m particularly fond of the surprisingly poetic prose of tumblr shit posts (think “tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit” type posts) and just the very specific type of humor and storytelling that arises from tumblr’s reblog system and the community’s character. There’s a certain je ne sais quoi to these posts I want to preserve haha.

I’m gonna change the name of this blog so it’s in line with all my other socials and I’m gonna uh TRY to clean this blog up (this is likely a Sisyphean task and I expect I might give up on this over time. But I still gotta try). I’m also gonna try to cut down on the number of mindless reblogs that wind up on this blog. If I reblog something here it should be because it’s helpful info/advice, important news/PSAs, or other people’s complete/finalized original work or fan work that I don’t have a dedicated blog for. In the case of informative posts I will do my best to only reblog it here once I’ve read through it and not just skim it tell myself I’ll read it later. In addition to all this I’m gonna uh actually try to use tags for organizational purposes. Force myself to slow down my mindless consumption and actually interact mindfully instead.

There’s still a lot of stuff I’ll want to reblog with zero thought or explanation just cause it’s funny or relatable or whatever, so all that sort of stuff will go on a dump blog. I’m really attached to the blog’s current name, it’s been with me from the start, so I’ll probably use it for my reblog dump.

Why do I feel compelled to do all this? Well, for the vast majority of my time on this site I was content with just being a faceless, largely voiceless user that just reblogs whatever is relatable in the moment and scrolling endlessly. I was on tumblr sure but I was never really in community with anybody. Now nearly a decade down the line, I feel like I’ve finally found community with others on this website thanks to Blue Eye Samurai, and the last thing I want is to drive people away bc they find my blog to be obnoxiously spam-like and disorganized. You can’t follow others from your secondary blog, only your primary blog and I actually want to have mutuals here. When it comes to social functions on this website, THIS blog is my first foot forward and generally others’ first impression of me. And in that respect, I’ve been a poor steward of my own image. If mutuals want to get to know me, this blog doesn’t really say anything useful or coherent about me. It’s literally a dump and we all deserve better than that.

[aropride]

how the fuck do u wash a weighted blanket

[justacynicalromantic]

Mariinka. Once a homely lively town in the East of Ukraine.

Then Russians came and "protected it from the Nazis".