#Especially if you like. Grew up with Buddhism

[bijoumikhawal]

idle curiosity: does anyone I know have any recommendations for researching Buddhism from a more practical perspective, as opposed to the often philosophical/secular one presented in a lot of English texts?

[thymorningglory]

My thoughts #5

Okay, so this is a rant about my opinion about the lmk community, especially the community in the west. This is pointing out the “little” problem I see in that side of the fandom, since I mostly seen more stuff about there than in the eastern fan base.

I wanna add that I am in fact NOT Chinese, however I do have Chinese folklore told through my parents due to one of them being into folklore of mainly Hindu and Buddhist folklore, but still knows some stories of other folklore outside of that.

So, I wanna point out how rather hypocritical the fandom in the west is, specifically about what’s right and what’s wrong there. It’s so weird for me personally about how they treat the characters, specifically the characters who are inspired by actual mythical figures in Chinese folklore like Redson/Redboy, Sun Wukong and etc.

1. thing is about what not to ship and what is okay to ship. I’m going to take Sun Wukong and Chang’e for example.

It’s already established in jttw (a Chinese Buddhist book) that Sun Wukong after the journey was ascended to Buddha hood, it’s obvious what a monk in Buddhism is not suppose to be in a relationship, or have any “mortal” connections in order to ascend to Nirvana (a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth.).

It’s already known that in multiple series of people’s own spin of jttw where Wukong had a love interest, kinda going against the whole “Nirvana” concept that happened to Wukong. The same goes with in Lego monkie kid, where Sun Wukong didn’t ascend to Buddha hood for plot reasons..

Now here comes Chang’e, Chang’e is the goddess of the mood who’s either married and or in love with Hou Yi. In some versions of her backstory, Chang’e was either in a healthy relationship or in a toxic relationship where by in the most popular versions of her story they split up. Where Chang’e ascended to the moon and Hou Yi lived his own mortal life till the end.

But where comes the complicated part, Chang’e in lmk specifically is never said to have a husband. But since Chang’e’s lore she does have a husband, it’s safely to assume that on lmk she also has one. But the info about their relationship in unknown and if her husband is alive or not.

So, in Lmk Sun Wukong didn’t ascend to Buddha hood (so he’s able to be in a relationship), Chang’e probably has a husband and their relationship is unknown. But where the problem comes is about the ships, the lmk community in the west is A-Okay with shipping Sun Wukong while doesn’t find it okay that some people ship Chang’e with someone else. Their only excuse is that Chang’e is married and forever bound to her Husband. This specific part ONLY applies to mythology, nor have I ever seen a part where it was said that Chang’e was forever bound to her husband (if there is proof of that, please do show me). But then the community is okay with shipping Sun Wukong, even though in the myths Wukong ascended to Buddha hood and the community just turned a blind eye towards it because they find the Sun Wukong ships cute.

WHERE’S THAT LOGIC? Why only apply to one SPECIFIC character and not to the OTHER one?! What? Did that “rule” grew legs and skedaddle off the face of the earth or something? Am I missing something? Or is it just because you don’t want a character to be shipped so you gatekeep them in the at most un-logical way?

Okay, another thing. This time I’m gonna be honest with this, Nezha and Redboy..

We all know how both characters are VERY similar, a bit too similar that people confuse the other for the other. Now, Redson and Nezha are both adults in the present of lmk. This is a sensitive topic amongst the fandom about Nezha, because someone accidentally spread misinformation about Nezha. And we all know what the topic was about.

Now anyways, Redboy in lmk is an adult, being around in his early 20’s. We physically saw how he aged, we saw his 2 forms. Adult and child form. And the lmk community agrees that Lmk Redson is an adult, even though In jttw Redboy is seen as a child. Not as any other age. Not adult, just portrayed as a child.

How there’s Nezha, also in his 20’s but obviously older than Redboy and even Sun Wukong. Same story with Nezha, he’s an adult in lmk but instead of only seeing as a child in myths, Nezha is seen as both a child as well as a young adult. Not only that, but Nezha appeared in Hindu and Buddhist mythology. Being named Nalakubara instead of Nezha/Nazha. But the fandom in the west (because of that misinformation) infantilize Nezha, saying he’s eternally a child, specifically a 12 year old.. And in all honest words, from my research and experiences never in my life have I ever heard a god having a specific age, as in I never heard how old they were in the present. Never in my life. I never heard ever about Nezha being 12. Did some reading on many sites and asked many people, I was never told he was 12. Only that Nezha is a youthful deity being at the age of toddler or young adult.

The only proof I saw in the fandom about this claim is somewhat, but easily countered with heaps of evidence that Nezha’s age in mythology is fluid. I wanna remind everyone that Nezha is over 3000+ years old in mortal years. Since he was born is the Shang dynasty it’s kinda simple math to realize what his mortal age range is. Because of how ancient he is, the info about him is scattered throughout the earth. Whereby it’s hard to know what’s true or false, so we depend on more modern interpretations of him. And on modern depictions, he’s both seen as a child to young adult. I remember a post where their evidence is the fact they were inspired by a so called “child god”, which is literally false because the god they were talking about was Maha Krishna and Nalakubara. First of all both figures grew up and had a family, and second just because Nezha was inspired by a part of Maha Krishna’s life doesn’t mean Nezha’s is forever a child because they were only inspired by that part of the story. Because by that logic Sun Wukong is also a child because he was inspired by Hanuman’s childhood.. like it doesn’t make ANY sense.

And I understand why so many people gatekeep Nezha because they don’t want Nezha to be shipped with a canon characters, but to spread misinformation makes you no different from others. If anything use REAL information why shipping Nezha with for example Sun Wukong is weird, because 1 they met when Nezha is a minor and Wukong was at that point an adult.

2. The fact that lmk is not a direct copy of jttw or any Chinese folklore.

The day when the lmk community FINALLY realize that lmk is not jttw is the day I can feel peace in my heart. I see so many people bickering about how “oh not to do that” or “not to do this” because of the fact a character was “a direct copy of this god”. Look, I know lmk is not fully finish so we depend on jttw and fsy about how the plot will go and how the characters back story is.

But to FULLY depend on jttw or fsy for lmk is pointless, lmk has its own timeline and spin of jttw. Which makes lmk already its own story and lore, doesn’t matter if it’s heavily influenced by jttw. It’s still its own plot. Just think that lmk is it’s own AU of jttw. So go comparing a character to their mythological counterpart, just to proof something is still useless. It’s like comparing a bowl of chocolate chip cookies with vanilla chip cookies and say that they’re the same flavor because of the fact they’re a cookie. That doesn’t make sense. Lmk god figures are VERY different from the actual mythological ones, sure their lore is kinda similar but really different. I mean look at Sun Wukong’s lore, it’s almost not the same with the jttw Sun Wukong.

This is all I have to say for now, I’ll probably post more about the troubles in the fandom somewhere in the future..

-

[weiwuxianismybae]

wei wuxian isn't sin-free either. that's the point. no one in mdzs is. the purity police mentality is why so many in the fandom turned their backs on wangxian. wei wuxian is not a perfect uwu little angel. he committed more atrocities than jin guangyao

???????????????????????????????

How to say you missed the point without saying you missed the point.

Anyway, sorry, I'll stop joking around. Let's take this bit by bit, shall we?

Not sure what you mean by "pure" and "sin". I don't know enough about Buddhism or Chinese culture in general, so I won't speek much on this matter. (Yet, I'm pretty sure the book wasn't written with Christianity in mind🙃). Anyway, making mistakes doesn't make you "bad". Making mistakes is what makes us human and it doesn't make you morally "grey" or "bad" and especially not when you regret them:

He was only stating a simple fact calmly, but the cultivator felt as if he was scorned, fuming, “What do you think we’re talking about here? How could there be bargaining for debts of blood?”

Wei WuXian, “It’s not that I want to bargain about such a thing, but that I don’t want my charges to be doubled just because of some words from another. I won’t shoulder what I didn’t do.”

ExR ch. 79

Note that he said that he won't shoulder what he didn't do, not that he won't shoulder anything at all.

Finally, Wei WuXian spoke up. He said, “Then what do you want me to do?”

Fang MengChen paused in surprise. Wei WuXian, “Then what do you want? Nothing but my miserable death to soothe your own hatred?” He pointed at Yi WeiChun, who lay passed out among the crowd, “He’s missing a leg, while I was cut into pieces; you lost your parents, while my family had long since been gone. I’m a dog who was chased out of its home. I’ve never even seen the ashes of my parents.”

Wei WuXian, “Or do you hate the Wen Sect’s remnants? The Wen Sect remnants that you speak of already died once, thirteen years ago. And right now, just then, for my sake, for your sake, they died once again. This time, they’ve all become ashes.” He continued, “Let me ask you—just what else do you want me to do?”

[...]

Wei WuXian, “Nobody told you to forgive me. The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!”

ExR ch. 82

Wei Wuxian's goodness shouldn't be debated. All his actions were justified. He was never the initiator. Let me repeat myself: Who attacked whom first? Who massacred Wei Wuxian's home? Who send the Wen remnants, who lived peacefully on a small piece of land that was given to them by the winners, to the work camps where they were tortured?

As for the remnants of the Wen Sect, they were herded into a small corner of Qishan, not even a thousandth the territory it onced owned. They were crammed into the place and struggled to live.

ExR ch. 72

Who ambushed whom on Qiongqi path? Who went on offensive because he grew up with his cousin and didn't like Wei Wuxian anyway? Who promised to let the matter go if Wen Qing and Wen Ning turned themselves over? Who went back on that promise? Who gathered 3000 cultivators to kill 50 innocent people? Who killed those innocents?

"He committed more atrocities than Jin Guangyao"

...

...

I recommend you to read the extra Villainous Friends. It's a real eye-opener.

Just then, two disciples from the Jin Clan of Lanling dragged over a cultivator with disheveled hair.

"Weren't you going to refine a new set of fierce corpses?" Jin Guangyao said. "As it happens, I've brought materials for you."

[...]

A young girl and boy, both trussed with rope, kneeled on the ground and shouted miserably to He Su.

"Ge!"

He Su was stunned. His face blanched white as paper. "Jin Guangyao! What do you mean by this?! You can just kill me. Why implicate my entire clan?!"

[...]

Jin Guangyao shot him a glance, then turned back around and said in an even-tempered tone, "You can't say that. The He Clan of Tingshan used the full force of its power to start an uprising and plot to assassinate Sect Leader Jin. All of you were caught red-handed. How can you call this 'no reason'?"

A number of the captives cried out, "Ge! He's lying! We didn't. We really didn't!"

"What a crock of shit!" He Su spat. "Open your damn eyes and take a good look around! There's a nine-year-old child here, and elders who can't even walk! What uprising could they start?! And why would they assassinate your father out of the blue?!"

[...]

However, no one here would listen to his defense. Sitting before him were two vicious villains who already considered him a dead man and were enjoying the sight of his last-ditch struggle. Jin Guangyao leaned back with a smile and waved.

"Gag him. Go on, gag him."

Wei Wuxian never killed his father, brother, son, wife and then pretended that he had no choice. Wei Wuxian didn't slaughter a whole clan just because they were standing in his way and he saw them as annoyance. Wei Wuxian was never besties with other mass murderers (Xue Yang).

I wanted to argue that the only thing that made Jin Guangyao better than Jin Guangshan was that he had never forced himself on women... but then I remembered how Jin Guangshan died...

SiSi, “The middle-aged man wanted to shout and struggle, but his body was weak. The boy who led us inside opened the door again, grinning as he dragged him onto the bed again and tied him up with a rope, stepping on his head. He told us, carry on, don’t stop even when he’s dead. Have any of us been through such a situation before? We were scared half-dead, but we didn’t dare disobey. We had to continue. At the twelfth or eleventh round, that sister suddenly screamed, saying that he really was dead. I went over and checked. He’d indeed kicked the bucket, but the person behind the curtain said, didn’t you hear me? Don’t stop even when he’s dead!”

ExR ch. 85

Don't spoil Wei Wuxian's good name by comparing him to the likes of Jin Guangyao!

+ bonus:

"You little hooligan," Jin Guangyao said with a laugh. "Wreck stalls if that's what you want. You can burn down the entire street, for all I care, as long as you mind two things—don't wear the Sparks Amidst Snow uniform, and keep your face hidden. Don't let anyone find the culprit and put me on the spot."

Btw, the excerpts from Villainous Friends were taken from Seven Seas translation.

[timextoxhajima]

Sonder: Part III

Parts: I II III IV V

member: enhypen heeseung! x oc! woo ki yeom [3rd person pov]

genre: coming of age, slice of life, angst, romance

w/c: 5.8k

warnings: topics on religion, distressed relationships, mental health (I want to leave an a/n here that I grew up with my maternal family being Buddhists so what I've written is based off what I researched online and the way her family practised Buddhism. I'm personally a free-tinker and this narrative is not in any way meant to offend nor support any particular religion.)

synopsis: after being kicked out of her home, Woo Ki Yeom is forced to live life on her own. struggling to find herself in the midst of her chaotic life, she meets lee heeseung, who, like her, can't give any more fucks to life than she does.

"n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own."

By the time Sim Ji Yeon had realised what was happening, she knew deep down in her heart that it was too late. She was stuck with the dilemma of whether she should aggressively offer Ki Yeom support, or let her writhe in her own pain for a while, especially since she knew that Ki Yeom might take it the wrong way if she went with the first option.

Ki Yeom's pride and ego was fed to her since they were children. She had grown up in a stable home, both parents worked and so, they were better than the average household. She didn't have a difficult childhood that would've otherwise created a timid and inferior person.

Her confidence was further fed by the years in which she excelled in every single arts class she took. She had the perfect knack for it, always creating original pieces and never having trouble finding inspiration for her assignments.

Ji Yeon had always admired her eye for the arts, while she was stuck as the boring, better-looking-than-average girl who loved volleyball. She was well aware of the attention that dragged around with her wherever she went - boys would come to her matches just to see her and her teammates. She would get random love notes and gifts from people she didn't even know.

While Ki Yeom somewhat teased her and envied her for this 'small celebrity' life, Ji Yeon would've much preferred being talented in her own, safe bubble.

The hard part during the entire process of the falling out was the fact that Ji Yeon hadn't heard about Ki Yeom being kicked out of her home from her, but instead through friends who somehow knew people who had seen her looking for single-room apartments to rent.

Talk about a small world.

And talk about not sharing your worst nightmares with your best friend.

Ji Yeon remembers the day she felt Ki Yeom had given up on her friendship, and till this day, she doesn't know exactly why. Ji Yeon had decided to wait near the building that Ki Yeom used to stay with her parents. She's been over multiple times, so it wasn't hard to blend in with all the convenience and food stalls owners greeting her.

She figured that Ki Yeom probably still had to come back to pick up more things.

But hours turned into days and by the time she had waited three days, Ji Yeon realised that Ki Yeom had completely moved out for good. Then, she spots her mother leaving the apartment building.

She's hesitant at first, but it's the only way she will ever find out anything about Ki Yeom without needing to spam call her.

With tired eyes and a broken heart, her mother tells Ji Yeon that she hadn't seen her daughter since the day she ruined the altar.

"Ruined the altar?" Ji Yeon's lips part in startled surprise. "But..."

Her voice trails quiet when she realises she doesn't know what to say. She can't imagine what Ki Yeom is feeling, much less her parents.

"I don't suppose... you know where she is?"

The elder shakes her head gently. "You're the only person who has a shot at knowing where she's gone. So if you don't know, then I definitely wouldn't."

There's something harsh and direct in her voice, that almost makes Ji Yeon uneasy.

"Alright," She chooses not to pry. "I understand. I'm... so sorry this happened."

A chilly gush of wind runs between them.

Her mother parts her lips and inhales slightly, as if already finding the words to say - but she decides against it and swallows instead. "I have to go run my errands."

"Of course," Ji Yeon slightly bows and lets her on her way. She stays, long enough until Ki Yeom's mother disappears down the corner.

Ji Yeon wonders if she will ever visit their home again.

She will spend the next few weeks leaving Ki Yeom texts. Calls. Even resorting to E-mails and leaving her DMs on Instagram. She starts to think of herself that she's pathetic, but no, she can't think this way. Her best friend was just kicked out. She's probably lost and afraid. And honestly, she might not even be alive. What if something happened to her and nobody found her body?

But somehow, she finds comfort in knowing that she hasn't heard from her in months now. At least she's alive, and her body hasn't been thrown in a ditch somewhere and in the news, with the headline 'MURDERER ON THE LOOSE'.

And yet, everytime she tries to comfort herself to think this way, she can't help but think - why is she not speaking to me?

What have I done wrong?

Months turned into trimesters and trimesters turned into a scholarship offer to a university in another state. Ji Yeon decides that fate will bring her back to Ki Yeom when the time is right.

She leaves, and decides that she will only come back during her longer summer breaks.

And in the blink of an eye, she graduates next year.

But to Ji Yeon, this meant that it had been four years without Ki Yeom. How could Ki Yeom pretend that she didn't exist anymore? How could she move on with life, not accounting for what happened to her? Doesn't Ki Yeom know that she cares, especially with all the shit she's sent her?

Ji Yeon is not one to get angry easily, but Ki Yeom is the exception. Perhaps she hasn't tried hard enough.

She googles her name. She scrolls through the 'Ki Yeom's whom she know aren't her Ki Yeom.

Then, she stops when she notices the name under a tattoo parlour's search result. Ji Yeon hunts for the address on their website, and finds it.

Just about thirty minutes away from where Ki Yeom used to stay.

"Ki Yeom might look a little cold, but she promises her best. Top of sales 2022." Was written as her description. No photo though.

Ji Yeon picks up her phone and drops her some messages.

"She hasn't spoken to you in four years and you still want to go look for her?"

Ji Yeon is quiet. She knows how ridiculous it sounds from someone else's perspective. Ki Yeom clearly doesn't want to be found and reconnected, so why should she go out of her way to do it for her?

"Think about how we left off, don't you think it'd be terrible of me to not even... get some kind of closure?"

Sunghoon frowns at her, crossing his arms over his chest and slightly rolling his eyes. He's never liked this 'Ki Yeom' whom he's never met. By the time he had met Ji Yeon in university, he thought the falling out was through and finished. He knew that Ji Yeon had always wanted to find her and find closure, but he thinks otherwise.

"It would've been terrible if you didn't try to reach out but the thing is you did and you tried. I don't know why you think you haven't done enough."

"Well, maybe you think I've done enough, but it's not enough for her."

"Come on," He pushes his hair back and sits in a chair, back slouched and his elbows on his knees. "Love, I just- From my perspective, she sounds like she doesn't care about anybody else. If she had wanted to reconnect or find closure like you do, she would've responded by now. But it's been four years. We met, dated, fell in love and moved in together in these four years."

Ji Yeon sighs.

"Have you ever thought that she just... outgrew the friendship? Like, I don't know, maybe her getting kicked out of her home just escalated it. Like it was an event that forced the two of you apart and it was just... meant to be? It hurts to see you trying so hard and she doesn't reciprocate. I get that she's your childhood friend but that doesn't mean she would do and think the same way you do."

"I know what you mean," She's quiet as she turns and looks at him. "But I just... Maybe if I see her one last time. Just over a cup of coffee or something. She doesn't have to catch me up nor does she have to give in to my 'needs'. Maybe I just want to see that she's well and taking care of herself."

Sunghoon stands and walks over to where she's sitting at her desk, standing near enough so she can rest her head in his stomach.

The next day proved a challenge for Ji Yeon, a challenge she didn't even think she had to deal with. She had found the tattoo parlour as early as after lunch with Sunghoon, who reluctantly left her alone. Ji Yeon felt nothing less like a creep, spending the entire afternoon sitting at the coffee shop just a few doors down from the parlour.

The challenge was mustering up the courage to speak to Ki Yeom after four years. Why was she even finding this hard? They were best friends, weren't they? And as far as Ji Yeon knew, she didn't do anything wrong on her end. If anything, this was just a case of a fading friendship, not a messy falling out.

She thought, and thought, and panicked, and thought again, until the sun had set. There were more clients leaving than entering, she thought that this was her chance.

Now or never.

Her throat had gone dry when she stood at the door, fingers wrapped on the metal handle and ready to push herself in. Ki Yeom had shoulder-length brown hair, but with her black roots growing out on the crown of her head. She was sat in a roller chair, backfacing the front door, turned and talking to a guy with bright, bleached pink hair who was definitely a couple years older than her. And another girl, around the same age or even younger, with her hair cut so short, some might mistake her for the opposite gender.

Then again, Ji Yeon knows better than to bother about that.

"Hi. I'm looking for Ki Yeom, I saw somewhere that she worked here."

WHAT? She thinks to herself. She's literally standing infront of you, why would you ask that?

Ki Yeom takes a moment to stand and turn, like she already recognised her voice before she even saw Ji Yeon.

Oh, my God. It's like meeting an ex again.

Ji Yeon's heart drops when she can see how much Ki Yeom has grown in four years. She aches to know that she wasn't by her side, following her through the healing she probably needed.

"Who told you I worked here?" The words are cold, and sharp. Like her mother's. Ji Yeon starts to sweat, the warm gush of uneasiness sweeping through her when you feel unwell or about to faint.

Ji Yeon's mind is running at a thousand miles per hour. Say something!

"I... I googled you," Ji Yeon gulps. She can see the knowing scowls and squints from Ki Yeom's two acquaintances. They must think she's a bitch. "Took me a couple of minutes, but it wasn't that hard to find your name as a tattoo artist in this parlour."

Ki Yeom rubs the back of her neck, looking exasperated and at a loss of patience, like she were thinking 'I don't have the fucking time for this.'

She turns around and begins a mini discussion with her acquaintances, which Ji Yeon realises, if she's close enough to trust them in times like this, then Ki Yeom must consider them friends.

She has been replaced.

Ji Yeon isn't surprised. It was a sooner-or-later thing.

But why did it hurt the same?

She can hear the 's'-es and the whispering they're doing whilst turned back. She wonders if they know who she was, or if Ki Yeom has kept her an embarrassing secret and memory she doesn't want to relive.

There's a little scuffle. Someone swats someone on the arm, and someone knees the boy in his groin. Then the short haired girl drags him away, leaving Ki Yeom alone with her.

When Ki Yeom turns around, there's this fierceness and sternness in her eyes. Ji Yeon knew that she wouldn't be meeting the same person she became best friends with back then, but it hit her harder now that she's seeing this new-and-improved version of Ki Yeom.

Ji Yeon can see that she doesn't have much to say, so she starts first.

"I know you've been reading my texts," She says quickly, hoping to get some reaction out of her.

Nothing.

"I just wanted to know how you were doing. I don't know anything about you anymore and I just can't stand to know that... I no longer know anything about you and your life."

"I don't know why it matters that you don't know anything. My parents don't know anything. Nobody knows anything, but I'm fine and well."

Ji Yeon is stunned at how quickly she responded. It's almost like she had rehearsed for a moment like this. Has Ki Yeom just been waiting for Ji Yeon to show up, so she can tell her to fuck off?

"It matters because I care," She wishes that Ki Yeom can hear the sincerity in her voice. "It matters because you basically disappeared, and for the last couple of years, I've been stuck wondering what I've done wrong. And if it was my fault that the friendship has turned sour."

"It's not your fault, it's mine. For being an ass."

Ji Yeon didn't even realise she was holding her breath until Ki Yeom finishes her quick-witted reply. The words start to come out naturally.

"So at least tell me how you were being an ass. You have so much spine to be out here making a life for your own but you don't have a spine enough to tell me why I had to google you?"

"'Spine to be out here'?" Ki Yeom snaps her head and squints at her, clenching her jaw as she strings the words together. "Have you... forgotten why I was even made to be out here making a life for myself?"

Oh.

Ji Yeon didn't mean for it to come off that way. Ki Yeom must know she didn't mean it like that. Right? ...Right?

"I'm sorry. That wasn't what I meant."

In Ji Yeon's peripheral vision, a client pays at the cashier's. He awkwardly walks around them, arm wrapped in a protective foil as the light reflects off the surface.

She thinks carefully about what to say next. It feels like years before she can think of how to put it across.

"Look, I... I just want to know what happened. And... if after all the clearing up, you still hate me and our paths have just... diverged too far and too long ago, then... I will just have to make peace with it."

Ji Yeon pauses. She thinks about what Sunghoon said to her earlier today.

"But I can't just leave this... it's like abandoning my house without reason."

Her eyes are teary and she can feel the sour ball creeping up in her throat and her nose.

But Ki Yeom doesn't look like she gives a single fuck.

Ki Yeom's head falls in the gap between her arm and herself, nodding herself awake. She looks down at her sketchbook, instinctively rubbing her forehead to get any pencil markings off her skin.

She turns and looks at the clock. 2.23am.

Sighing and yawning at the same time, she looks around her apartment, spotting the unwashed pot from her instant-noodle supper sitting by the sink.

She recalls the encounter at the tattoo parlour earlier that evening, where Miss Little Perfect showed up and demanded for a redeeming coffee break tomorrow.

Ki Yeom rubs her eyes and yawns again, finally getting up from her desk and making her way over to wash the dishes.

Suddenly, life had so many offerings to provide her.

Picking up her phone, she slips on her slides and heads out the door, making a point to close it quietly. Then she turns and heads for the lift, in her peripheral vision, noticing that the nosy boy's door was slightly ajar.

She ignores it, turning for the lift and dragging her headphones over her head-

Then she hears the piano keys, and the singing.

Ki Yeom will admit that she didn't think that would stop her in her tracks, but it did.

She stays in the same spot for a few seconds, listening to the random piano keys, then him singing or humming a tune, then the piano keys again.

He's writing an original, she realises.

Well, if he can be nosy, so can I.

She finds herself at the door, peeking in through the gap.

He's sat, angled backwards against the door, with a portable keyboard infront of him and a notebook in his lap. She looks around, and spots his desk - which was a round dining table that he probably picked up from someone's garage sale - strewn with lecture notes.

Ki Yeom leans against the door frame, quietly studying the apartment that resembled hers while listening to the music-in-progress. Her eyes are mindless, until they finally return to him sitting at his piano.

Except, now he's staring at her, wide-eyed and surprised.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to tell that you gave up on studying," She pushes the door open and nods toward his dining table. "Sitting against an open door isn't very smart. I could've gone in and stolen something and you wouldn't have known."

"Well," He shrugs, picking up the notebook from his lap and tossing it on his dining table. He starts to gather the papers and binded notes. "Thank God it's you, then. I'd just have to worry about missing a washing machine token."

Ki Yeom rolls her eyes, but doesn't hide the little smile that curls up on her lips.

"Couldn't sleep?" He lifts the stack off the table, aligning them against the surface and placing them nicely in the centre.

She scratches the spot under her ear. "It's... a little more than 'couldn't sleep', I guess."

Heeseung turns to face her, arms reaching back to lean on the edge of the dining table. But it wobbles from how old it is, so he clears his throat and stands away from it instead.

"I'd invite you to come in and talk about it but I don't want to seem creepy," A pause. "Nor does it seem like I have adequate, functioning furniture to host a guest."

Ki Yeom chuckles, which is a surprise. Maybe it's just the 3am lack of discipline and awareness.

"I was going to go on a walk."

"At..." He picks up his phone. The screen lights up his face. "3am?"

"Why, scared of the dark?"

"No, I'm scared that I'd be murdered in an alley and thrown in a ditch."

"Yeah, because you live in a dangerous country," Ki Yeom pushes herself off the door frame, hoping that the sarcasm can be detected. "No obligations. If you prefer to sleep, then good night."

Heeseung shrugs, picking up his keys and phone and shoving them into his pockets.

"Can't say no to a 3am storytelling session though," With a cheeky smile on his lips, he walks to the door. Ki Yeom moves to let him close the door, only now realising how tall he was.

Maybe Jun Yeol was just short.

"Who said anything about a 3am storytelling session?" She says as-a-matter-of-factly. As he locks the door, she heads to press the lift button.

"Well, I'm just a nosy stranger. And you walked right up to my door, striking up a conversation with me. Besides, who am I gonna tell about your dramatic life story?"

The boy pulls his key out of the door and turns around, tilting his head at her. His eyes are tired, the kinds that sleep but not quality. The kinds that try their best, but it's never enough.

Perfectionist eyes.

Ki Yeom knows because those were hers too.

"So why are you up at 3am?" She quietly asks.

"Hm," He hums in thought, eyes looking up at the panel displaying the floors the lift was climbing. "Somewhere between existential crisis and can't sleep. If that makes any sense."

"'Existential crisis', huh?"

There's a silence that envelops the both of them as the lift reaches. She doesn't even know his name but she can tell what type of person he is - or at least, she can guess. She conjures the thought, 'What if he's a serial killer luring her in so he can murder her in the middle of the night?'

Nah, Mr Hsien has seen his face. If he were a serial killer, he wasn't a very smart one.

"I'm Heeseung, by the way," He turns to her in the lift, awkwardly raising a palm to her. "I just realised I know your name but you don't know mine."

Ki Yeom gingerly takes his hand, giving him a firm shake as she does some of her clients. "Nice to know."

"So, what do you do? I mean, you don't seem like you go to university."

"I'm a tattoo artist."

"Oh, shit. No kidding?" Heeseung looks pleasantly taken aback. "Would love to get one one day. Where? Is the parlour nearby?"

"Just about a twenty minute bus ride into town," The doors open into the lobby, the security guard at the counter exchanging glances with them.

"Town? You're a fancy tattoo artist. What, do you like top sales or something?" He giggles as they walk out the building. The cool, crisp breeze kisses her skin and she instantly hugs herself. Ki Yeom remains quiet to his question, merely shrugging her shoulders.

"No," He turns to her and folds his arms across his chest, hugging his arm pits. "That's crazy! Are you really? You're like some super talented tattoo artist, and I'm just some... stupid student that can't beat the curve in school."

"What do you study in university?"

"Performing Arts - But the thing they don't tell you is that half the things you study is theory, which don't work that well with me."

"I heard you just now, with the piano and the singing. You sound good, is it an original? For a project or something?"

They stop at a traffic light. Opposite the building was a park. The crickets were chirping, the street lamps were sizzling and there wasn't a single soul in sight. Some cars driving down the main road, but it had been awhile since Ki Yeom had found the motivation to leave home for something that wasn't work.

"Uh- Yeah? I guess? It's more of just a 'me' thing. But, I also tutor kids. Piano lessons. So they help me sort of... sort it out in my head. Makes it abit easier to teach when I'm figuring out the notes and bars myself."

"Interesting," Ki Yeom nods. The traffic light turns to the green man. She smiles when she realises they didn't even need to wait for that, since it was so empty.

"Why?" Heeseung shoves his hands into his pockets, smile mimicking hers. "Realised we didn't have to wait?"

"Yeah. It's so empty."

"We're law-abiding citizens, what do I say?"

They enter the park, the scent of grass and trees filling their noses. Ki Yeom can see the birds scattered about in the grass, slowly walking or standing almost completely still. The leaves were gently rustling in the breeze. Empty cups, food wrappers, tissues, strewn here and there and on benches.

"By the way, I was joking about the storytelling. You don't have to share if you're uncomfortable. It's just... nice to talk to someone that's not from school."

Ki Yeom walks quietly, sitting in her thoughts. He must've understood her silence, for he goes quiet as well, matching her pace and looking around like he hadn't already been to this park a couple of times.

She considers the day's events. First, being told she had an opportunity to leave everything she had here, to go be part of an art organisation. Then, being told she had topped this months' sale (again), followed by Ji Yeon showing up at the parlour. It had been four years since she had seen her.

Suddenly, she's tired. Her lids are heavy and her heart is torn into shreds. Maybe it wasn't that great of an idea to go for a walk with a stranger at 3am.

"It was a long day. Alot of things happened," Ki Yeom starts, unsure how to continue. She didn't want to seem like she was trauma dumping or asking him for advice when he barely knew her.

"Oh," There's a hint of sadness in his voice as he can hear the reluctance to share. "I understand. It's alright. You don't have to divulge anything. We can walk the whole park in silence. Or if you want to go back, that's totally fine with me too-"

"No, it's okay," Ki Yeom shakes her head and rubs her palm down her eyes and the rest of her face. "I just..."

She strings the thoughts together, holding her breath as she does.

"I was offered... a thing. My boss told me that she had an opportunity to send someone overseas. To be part of a touring art organisation."

She looks up at Heeseung, watching his face for any reaction. As opposed to before, he suddenly had this slightly heavy look on his face, as if he instantly knew what it meant to have such a grand offer... in such a faraway place.

"That... That is something," He nods as he acknowledges it. "I assume there's a 'but'?"

Ki Yeom rubs the back of her neck and turns away from him.

"I mean, it's not easy for anybody to leave anywhere, honestly. Even if they had nothing else left, it still wouldn't be easy."

"You sound like you know this experience yourself."

Heeseung turns and looks at her intently, his tired eyes getting even more tired.

"I'm the total opposite, actually. I had... everything. Like I had a nice home, my family is intact unlike alot of my friends. Supportive environment. But... when I left to find... a purpose, I felt lost. It was my decision, yes, but... it's hard to leave somewhere you're comfortable in."

"You left home to find 'purpose'?" Ki Yeom stifles a little chuckle.

"Well, yeah," Heeseung grins, knowing how stupid it sounded out loud. "I wanted to find out what life was about, you know? I didn't want to stay sheltered. I wanted to meet crazy people and do crazy things and see where the wind blows me."

"That doesn't sound like the life a university student should be living. Just being a student on it's own already takes away the freedom to do that."

"I know, I know," He rolls his eyes half-exasperatedly. "I realised."

They both go quiet again. Ki Yeom is pleasantly surprised at how easy he seems. She wonders if she's being nice and vulnerable because it's 3am.

Yeah, probably.

"So what's keeping you here?"

Ki Yeom smiles, but it's weak and sad and depressing. "What isn't?" She turns and looks at him, then turns back to look straight.

"I grew up a devoted Buddhist and my family practised it to the T. Then, about six years ago, my father lost his job and we were broke for a few years. In those two years, we scrimped and saved. My grandfather had tried to help, but my parents... believe it or not, didn't accept it. Out of filial piety. It's one of the most valued principles in Buddhism. I came home one day, tired and exhausted from work, and my room was literally sold out. The furniture, the lamp, the damn bed."

She pauses. The memories come back in quick flashes in her head.

"I ruined the altar. Shoved everything off. My mother kicked me out. And I had so few things left that it took me an hour to get everything I needed out of the apartment. I walked aimlessly for hours, just wishing that a car would run me down and I'd never have to open my eyes again. I somehow fell asleep just a few shops down the tattoo parlour, and I don't know what it is that the owner of the parlour saw in me, but she waited until I woke up, gave me a pad and pencil and told me to draw. I don't know how she knew that I loved art. But I was at a loss and honestly, I had nothing better to do. So, I drew."

A pause.

The grains of rock and sand crunch under their feet as they stroll under a lamp.

"And she hired you."

"And told me that this apartment building had rooms for rent and that she'd pay for the first few months until I could sustain myself."

"What a lad," Heeseung nods. "What did you draw? That made her hire you?"

Ki Yeom stops in her tracks. Heeseung hears the crunching stop behind him, so he stops too and turns to look at her.

"I... I drew my room. Down to every single detail. Before it was sold and ruined."

Now, her voice is quiet, low, and raspy. The type that comes from someone who is about to cry. Heeseung can see that Ki Yeom is fighting all the urges in her throat and nose not to stifle a sob, because her eyes were already welling with tears.

But she blinks, and breathes through her mouth so he wouldn't have to hear the sniffling. Then all that resolution to keep it under wraps crumbles under the weight of letting it out for the first time, directly telling someone the whole truth without them having to probe and ask for them to fit the pieces together.

Ki Yeom squats and buries her eyes in the heart of her palms, her lips finally contorting into a quivering, shivering slobber as her tears and mucus start to run down her philtrum. She's feeling light-headed, but her chest heavy, from all the feelings that were bottled up and never once poured out.

A warm, gentle hand lands on her shoulder, a shadow casting over her as he stands in a spot to block the lamp from shining all over her.

Ki Yeom doesn't have a clue how long she was in that position, because it felt like forever. The tears were relentless - caught up for four years, and she hasn't even told him everything that happened that day. Would she cry even more?

One way to find out.

She lifts her head, hair messily stuck to her face because of the tears, and coughs, "You know... My best friend..." She chokes and hiccups in between the words as he looks down at her, tired eyes trying to show sympathy.

"She's just so fucking perfect, and I... I hate her for it.... She lived a perfect life, you know? Popular, smart, pretty... happy. Her family was so fucking... textbook. Sometimes I wondered if she was friends with me to... make herself feel better. I hated how much she tried to compensate for... something that wasn't even her fault. I hated that she started paying for me... or started defending me and protecting me in front of others just so they didn't think I was a loser."

She sighs and wipes her philtrum with her fingers, the glistening music on her nails and fingerpads as she wipes them off on her pants.

"I saw her for the first time today... In four years... asking me for a cup of coffee so we could talk about what happened... But I have nothing to say. What do I even say?"

"You can say what you just told me."

Ki Yeom looks up at him, wandering eyes unsure of what he means.

Then he squats, meeting her at eye level and awkwardly trying to pick her hair out of her face without it seeming like he was flirting with her.

"I think it's valid that you felt the way you did. I mean, all that that you went through? Not everybody knows how it feels. I'm sure she meant well, but I'm also positive that you would've felt the same way about anybody who tried to do those things. So, it was nothing personal."

He folds his arms over each other and wraps them on his knees.

"If it makes you feel better, I'd be annoyed too. If I had a perfect specimen of a person trying to make me feel better. Who wouldn't? It's like salt rubbing salt in a wound."

Ki Yeom gulps the phlegm and musuc away, rubbing her eyes.

"I think... you should go get that cup of coffee and push through it. It's the only way to resolve this."

"But I spent four years running, and I didn't hate it," She wipes the tears dripping off her jawline and stares at the rocks under his slides.

"Clearly, the more you run, the more she's gonna run after you and I'm sure you don't want to deal with her ten years from now again?"

Ki Yeom looks up and into his eyes now, his fringe slightly covering them.

"Here's the important question: Do you think you've been living life fine without her?"

Her eyes drift off to look at the bush on the grass.

"If the answer is 'no', then it's your chance to redeem yourself and mend things with her. But if the answer is 'yes', then sometimes a chapter just... ends. Without you knowing. Things happen. Just because it happened doesn't mean it's your fault."

She looks back at him, swollen eyes slightly drier, but eyelids heavier.

Heeseung is quiet now. He's said his piece, and has nothing else left to share.

"Come on," He whispers, just loud enough for her to hear as he gently grabs her arm. "Let's get you back home and to bed."

Ki Yeom weakly stands, knees trembling from squatting too long. He has a palm on her arm the entire walk home, in silence. The security guard almost looks concerned - he hasn't ever seen this resident cry.

The lift doors open with a ding, but before Heeseung can walk her rightways to her door, she pauses and looks at him.

"Do you think... do you think you can stay with me tonight?" She blinks her tired eyes, not even looking at him. "Not in the same bed, just... with me."

Heeseung blinks, slightly taken aback with the request. His lips are parted in a bid to protest and say that it would be inappropriate, considering that she was just tired and in a vulnerable state and it could've been easily misunderstood the following morning- but she puts a stop to it, for she quite literally mutters the words:

"I've been alone for so long, sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if I wasn't awake."

PART IV

[silvercityyir]

Karma read by Michealangelo

AO3

Summary: Based on my headcannon that after the event of Grudge Match, Mikey reads about karma.

This is my first tmnt fanfic, I enjoy writing Mikey and Splinter here since Splinter reminded me of my own parents. it was just a little idea that I once ramble on tumblr and it grew into a fic but only ended up as a one shot because I wasn't able to work on the ideas due to irl stuffs that I need to do. I only wrote about the definitions of karma although I read online article as I write, but I'm sure my way of understanding it is just different because my religion is not budshism or hinduism so the understanding is only surface level. So, apologies in advance, to anyone who's religion is hinduism or buddhism if I offended you with this fic. Originally, want to I wanted to write another chapter and make it a series tittled 'Wise Guy Michealangelo' but I don't really have any ideas for the next chapter so I'll leave it as one shot for now.

English isn't my mother tounge so let me know if I make a mistake grammer, or spellings in the comments.

“Psst, uh, Master Splinter, are you still up?” 

“Michelangelo?” Splinter opened the door to see his son, but rather than the usual mischievous self or at least before the battle nexus rematch a grin full of pride with his happy go-lucky expression, now stood a sheepish turtle “Is there something the matter, my son?”

As he recalled Leonardo was the one who helped Michelangelo for the Battle Nexus rematch which turned into a grudge match but he managed to survive the match. Splinter was slightly worried for Michelangelo with Leonardo’s inner turmoil…anger – Did he get scolded by Leonardo while he was trained? Splinter does not know. He chose not to intervene and told Donnie and Raph not to either. It all worked out just as he prayed for.  

“Remember what you said about karma that day, before Battle Nexus? Somehow I can’t stop thinking about ‘karma’...I know it means like, do bad and I got something worse than that, which happened and after the match that day, then I remember the karma book that you have, I want to read if that’s ok with you. 

There was a pause between them. Splinter blinks twice and his ears shot up.He raised his right arm and pointed beside his head. 

“Get out of my home, ghost,”

“Dad?! It–it’s me, I’m not a ghost, how could you say that?”

“Oh, it is you, Michelangelo, Sorry, I am very sorry my son. It is not like you to request such a thing that I even nearly thought that you were a ghost in disguise. I guess ghosts cannot take form of us mutants”

“Daaaad, I’m not a ghost, I really, really,really, really want to read your karma book. I should’ve come in the morning but I don’t think I really want Leo, Raph and Don weird stares and their ‘lectures’ at me just yet. Especially Raph and Don” 

Mikey whines and hugs him. Splinter pats his on the shell.

“I am very, very sorry, my son, a similar thing happened to Master Yoshi in the past that I was able to bare witness off, I was merely doing what he did at the time, I guess I did not understand why he did so,”

“Wha…?” “That is a tale for another time, I will give you the book, but if you want lessons about it, it shall be in the morning, my son.”

“Hai, Dad.”

 He bowed.

Splinter takes the karma scroll from the shelf and gives it to him. Mikey’s eyes lit up, smiling, like when he receive a comic but as his hands touch the book, Splinter tightens his grip on it, one more thing: 

“Take very care of it, it has notes, hand written by Master Yoshi and his master,” 

“Keep it away from Klunk, dirty spaces and everything else, ” 

He releases his grip on the book and lets his son take it. They both exchange bows and Mikey returns to his room, walking happily, as if he just got a new comic or a new dvd. Splinter feels no worry for the karma book that he gave to Mikey, perhaps he’ll be more focused in his training, his sons are growing up little by little, and he will grow older little by little, time has passed by without realizing.

As a father, his heart feels heavy for Leonardo’s mental state since Shredder’s defeat, what should he do? What should he tell him? He tries not to worry too much. He’ll work something out, perhaps tomorrow he should meditate with all four of his sons. 

Leonardo often meditates in his free time with incense or candle but he did not smell any of it tonight instead there was a small sound woosh from above, only Leonardo’s room had a long piece of worn fabric at the door. Splinter’s ears could only flick at sound from what it seems to be the source of the sound as he closed his eyes and let his body rest for the night.

For a moment, he recalled the tale he had told Michealangelo about, he was surprised that he remembered the spirit bothering Master Yoshi who was bothered by his restless sleep and he stood his ground, telling it to get out of his apartment. 

Splinter had no voice back then but his admiration for Yoshi was astonishing as ever. Yoshi, on the other hand, thought that he was frightened by the ghost, he could not bring himself to ‘correct’ him even if he had a voice.

“Have I made the right choice, Master Yoshi? It was yours and Ancient One’s book after all.”

Splinter sat down and gazed at the framed photo of his Master.

“I trust Michelangelo, he has always been a cheeky boy since he was a baby, always have, he can be overconfident when he is confident but he is optimistic and idealistic, I do not worry about him now.” 

“If I made a wrong choice, will you come and haunt me?”

The photo said nothing. 

“I’m only joking.”

Splinter chuckle. 

As he was about to sleep. He heard something from outside of his room. He rather not guess and went to sleep. 

____________________________________________________________________________

He just wants to lie down and read the karma book but it seems that Klunk has dominated his bed. And Mikey finds his beloved cat, Klunk, sleeping with her belly up, and her paws almost like she was jumping like a cartoon character yelling ‘yahoo’.

He is laughing, wheezing, clutching his stomach as tears welling up his eyes.

“I-I– can’t believe you sleep– like tha–’’

He felt something bending against his plastron–The karma book! Mikey immediately pull himself upright, checking the book's condition. Luckily, it did not bend so much. He let out a sigh of relief.

“Good thing you’re ok,”

He looked back at Klunk that slept soundly with an extreme pose, stroking her head before taking the pillow and dropped himself to the extra blanket on the floor. He lay on his stomach comfortably and he read and read throughout the night. 

When he had finished reading the book, he looked at the time at the alarm clock on the floor, it is five a.m. Morning already! 

Strange, what time did he ask Splinter to borrow the book again? Like he would know, he did not look at the clock, rather just waiting for his brothers to sleep then went out and ask him for it – but he shook his head, put the karma book on top of his pile of comic books before he sinks his head into the pillow and sleeps in peace but his mind voice some questions. loudly. 

What he understood about karma is that, it is not just bad action that leads to a worse future consequences, it can even affect ones life when they reincarnate.

Reincarnate...

An intriguing word that, somehow he cannot explain, it's a word that calms him, or maybe it is sleep embracing him. He wants to ask Splinter and tell Splinter what he understood. But he should sleep first.

[thelistlessstudent]

Day One

So, I'm really doing this, huh? I guess so. Starting a blog talking about my spiritual journey and exploration into philosophy and general musings about life and death and god and the universe and everything in between, huh? Seems like a lot. Maybe I delete this blog in a week. Maybe it becomes my new source of income. I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything.

I heard somewhere that Gen Z has been using ChatGPT as a means of emotional regulation; I can't say that I haven't been doing it too. It's nice to have someone--- something--- programmed with responses that make you feel better, especially when I can't afford therapy for a while. I asked it about God and how do I explore my feelings about God and spirituality. After studying a bit of Psychology in college, it's really hard to separate what's a Greater Being speaking to you and what's simply your Confirmation Bias telling you what it is that you want to hear. What's simple chance, and what's a genuine sign from God? I have a cursory understanding of a variety of religions--- Buddhism, Taoism, Shintoism, Islam, Hinduism, Wiccanism. Though, truthfully, I grew up in Lutheranism (Missouri Synod), so I know that the best. But even knowing a decent amount, I never really felt a connection with any of them particularly. I always felt it was kind of presumptuous to speak on the ways of God. Who are you, a mere mortal, to say what God deems holy? The Universe works in mysterious ways--- why are you trying to limit the infinite into a finite space? So, I asked ChatGPT what it thought. It gave me some tips and mindsets that I could use to think about The Divine, but I feel like any way I cut it, I lack clarity and community and answers to the big questions that I seek. I feel like I'm floundering in a dark infinite space with nowhere to turn, and no one to speak to for guidance. So, after sitting and hashing it out a while, I decided that I wanted to clearly define my beliefs over time. I wanted to be concrete in what I believed in, so I can intentionally construct my life. Hence, why I started this blog to track my progress. ChatGPT gave me a list of books that we could discuss together, and knowing that ChatGPT isn't always great with direct summaries, or even entirely accurate with its information sometimes, I decided that I would read the books myself and then talk with it later to see how I felt afterwards. ChatGPT is like a mirror--- I see myself clearly defined in its responses and can better understand myself that way. But I don't dare take it for fact. It's dangerous to feed your ego unrestricted.

We're starting with Thich Nhat Hanh's The Miracle of Mindfulness. I want to start out with a chapter a week as a goal, but if I read faster than that, I'll post more frequently. You can read along if you want, dear reader. But don't feel you'll need to--- I'll summarize readings, record ChatGPT discussions, and give my thoughts as a whole. Obviously, this relies on you trusting me as a reader, and that I won't unintentionally leave out key information. But do with that as you will. For me, this is more like a public journal--- to record my progress, to see the path that I've traveled along the way to get to where I want to be. I hope this helps you with your own spiritual journey. ---Annie

[still-a-morosexual-help]

if you don't mind (and you have time), could you explain a little bit about the story with solomon, asmo, and the ocean? or at least tell us where a good place to read about it is? I've tried to look into the actual stories of who the characters are based off of but it's honestly really hard to even know where to start because there's just so much to it 😭 but the stories seem so interesting especially the stuff between asmo and solomon

My original source is "I read this in a friend's religious text (?) when I was a teenager and it stuck with me" but here's some actual online places that cover the story of Solomon & Asmodeus.

*None of these stories are the ones I grew up with (i was raised buddhist) & none of these sites are ones I'm familiar with so I don't know how valid/reliable the sources are. If anyone has better sources feel free to drop a link in the replies

I'm only adding short parts from each site to this post and I'd highly recommend reading the whole thing if anyone is interested

"Confident of his own power, Solomon granted Ashmedai's wish. Instantly the demon seized the king's crown, and with a single flick of his powerful wing, hurled Solomon four hundred miles from Jerusalem.

Ashmedai then flung Solomon's magic ring into the sea, where it was swallowed by a fish. For Ashmedai thought, "If anyone should gain possession of the ring, he will know what I have done."

Then the Demon King disguised himself as Solomon and sat down upon his golden throne."

-Jewish Heritage Online Magazine

"Ashmedai remained with Solomon until the Temple was completed. One day the king told him that he did not understand wherein the greatness of the demons lay, if their king could be kept in bonds by a mortal. Ashmedai replied that if Solomon would remove his chains and lend him the magic ring, he (Ashmedai) would prove his own greatness. Solomon agreed. The demon then stood before him with one wing touching heaven, and the other reaching to the earth. Snatching up Solomon, who had parted with his protecting ring, he flung him four hundred parasangs away from Jerusalem, and then palmed himself off as the king."

-Jewish Encyclopedia

Another Talmudic legend has King Solomon tricking Asmodai into collaborating in the construction of the Temple of Jerusalem[4] (see: The Story of King Solomon and Ashmedai).

Another legend depicts Asmodai throwing King Solomon over 400 leagues away from the capital by putting one wing on the ground and the other stretched skyward.

-Wikipedia

Solomon - Britannica

*The original text I read as a teenager said Solomon himself was flung into the ocean? But none of these mention that. Then again I read that about a whole decade ago so it's highly probable I'm misremembering. But also (at least with Buddhism*) small details like that tend to differ depending on where you find the text and when you read it

eg: *did you know in some buddhist texts the horse no longer dies!!? Because apparently it makes children too sad!!?? You're telling me I had to sob my little 7yr old heart out in an art museum over this horse and kids nowadays don't get to experience that devastating heartbreak!?? That kick to the teeth!? The nerve! Why did my generation have to suffer like this!? Kids these days don't know how good they have it! Why I oughta-

anyway-

Honestly I think the easiest and most comprehensive way to digest these stories if you want to know more but are overwhelmed by how vast and interconnected they are is by finding a good reliable youtube channel that talks about them

Here are some channels that I've watched before & some I haven't (so I can't vouch for them) but are popular & cover those topics:

•ESOTERICA

• Mr. Mythos

• Mythology & Fiction Explained (subscribed/watched)

• Mythology- Folklore A-Z

• Overly Sarcastic Productions (subscribed/watched)

• See U in History / Mythology (subscribed/watched)

• Storied (subscribed/watched)

• The Legends of History

Hope this helps!

[no-terfs-no-swerfs-no-fascists]

I seriously dislike the "if you are anti-religion, that just means you grew up around Christianity and are equating all of religion with Christianity" and the "it's only okay to be anti-religion if you have religious trauma" philosophizing I've been seeing more often on Tumblr these days.

I know atheists get a bad rep (and if you know me, you've heard me criticize the movement atheism plenty of times), but there's one thing we are, in fact, right about - religion IS, by and large, bad.

That doesn't mean a religious person is automatically bad, but what you end up realizing after observing a variety of religious groups is that the concept of religion is, by its very nature, a breeding ground for abuse, bigotry, and anti-intellectualism like no other.

Half my family are Muslims, the other half are Eastern Orthodox Christians, and I've grown up around those groups + Catholics, Jews, and Seventh Day Adventists (and yes, three of those five groups fall under the Christianity umbrella, but trust me, cultural differences between them can be staggering). I've also studied these religions, as well as Judaism, Buddhism, Zoroastrianism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Jainism, Unitarianism, Mormonism, Scientology, Happy Science, the Unification Church, Wicca, and a variety of neopagan revivals, mostly through books written by authors of those religious groups.

I've read histories of those religious groups and followed them in the news, less so after entering the work force in full capacity, but I really did have an obsession of learning about different religions and what makes them tick for about ten or so years. And I didn't study them from the point of view of an atheist/nonbeliever. Hell, I didn't even subscribe to atheism until about five years ago (I am currently 40yo).

Again - a religious person is not automatically a bad person. Plenty of people I love are religious and almost everyone I know is religious too. Being religious in never going to be the reason why I dislike, don't trust, or won't engage with someone.

But a religious person does automatically support a lot of incredibly unsavoury things by the simple act of actively taking part in a religion, and especially if that includes monetary support. The easiest, most obvious example of this is, of course, Catholicism - you going to church services, giving to the collection plate, taking part in church-organized activities, it all shows tacit support for an organization that not only historically has oceans of blood on their hands, but to this very day actively supports, protects, and finances fascists, rapists, murderers, abusers, paedophiles, the anti-LGBTQIAP+ movement, the anti-abortion movement, and subjugation of women, indigenous people, and pretty much anyone who isn't a rich cishet white Catholic man, not only in their religious capacity but also by influencing lawmakers in every country they have even the tiniest modicum of power.

Whether you like it or not, whether you personally subscribe to those parts of your belief system or not, bigotry, subjugation, exploitation, and abuse are baked into the principles of religion as a concept.

Plenty of religious people simply choose to ignore those parts of their religion. They do not practice them, do not teach them, and consider them a vestigial part of the religion they belong to that is simply no longer applicable to them as they have moved on with the times and do not subscribe to those moral principles.

But they're still there, and plenty of people who belong to your religion still practice them, and use the same texts and teachings you do to justify them as morally just and correct. Where you had the fortune to be taught by progressive religious leaders, many others have not. You may share a religion and have radically different view on what it is while using the same words to describe it, and theirs is just as valid a reading of it as yours.

And then, of course, is the matter of the corrupting influence of power. Even the cursory look at the headlines surrounding any religion will tell you that, while individual religious people and even groups who belong to a certain religion can be the most wonderful, accepting, generous people, their religion is but a stone toss away from using its teachings, principles, and beliefs as an excuse to commit unspeakable atrocities. The most infamous example of this is Buddhism, a religion which has radical anti-violence as a core component of their teachings... which has not stopped Buddhists from committing genocides as recently as the late 2010s. Buddhism sells itself as the most enlightened, accepting, and kindest of belief systems, but in those countries where it has power and influence, it is often a willing tool of oppression of its believers and weaponized othering of outgroup people.

Being religious also leaves people vulnerable to various trappings of anti-intellectualism. A religious person is, on average, less likely to trust experts, less likely to be intellectually curious and seek out new knowledge, and more prone to adopting bigoted views and conspiracy theories. Religion has historically had moments when it has been at the center of scientific discovery and development of new thought and knowledge. Medieval Islam is a great example of this, having made incredible strides in the exploration and development of medicine, mathematics, and astronomy, as well as the amazing job it did preserving the scientific and philosophical legacy of Ancient Greece. But it is far more common to see religion as the active suppressor of scientific explorations of reality and free thought, and it is such a common occurrence that I genuinely do not think I need to list the myriad examples of this happening, both historically and in the modern day.

Now, there are people who would reply to everything I've written here by, for example, citing studies that contradict my statements, such as the ones that show being a part of a religious community is good for people's physical, emotional, and mental health, or the fact that there are religious groups that put great importance on pursuing science and arts, such as Orthodox Judaism.

To that, I would reply with - yes, but studies also show same health benefits people get from taking active part in a religious community happen if a person is a member of any actively social community (that is, that the benefits come from socializing with people you have things in common with and taking part of community activities with them, not from religion itself), and that, without exception, the religious groups that put an emphasis on study and creativity will just as often actively discourage their female members from being anything but docile submissive broodmares without ever considering themselves hypocritical or wrong for doing so. Trust me, it wouldn't take too much effort to find similar counters for any other argument against what I've written in this post.

I can appreciate that religion plays an important role in your life and that it is a positive influence for you. Life is awful, unfair, and cruel, and you will never hear me begrudge you any ray of sunshine you can catch or any coping mechanism that gets you through life's horrors. I will also not go around telling people that they should abandon their religion - it is neither my place nor my job to tell you how to manage your life.

But don't expect me to indulge the position that religion is a net-positive as a whole or that anyone who isn't blind to the fact that this is demonstrably not true is just a victim of Christianity.

Yes, absolutely, educate yourself on other religions, it will do you a world of good, just like most other honest intellectual pursuits, and you will learn a lot of fascinating and fun things, and broaden your cultural horizons.

But go into it with open eyes, study the history behind those religions too, and try to do so from as objective sources as you can find.

[icyhotfirelord]

Happyhoganon: How would you describe AtLA's lore?

Oh cool question. I'll try to keep it short and not to get too theoretical and spiral into a philosophic monologue.

I'd describe it as a missed opportunity.

Bryke claims to have a deep admiration for Eastern (Asian) cultures and traditions and philosophies.

And as I've mentioned before the concept of an Avatar comes from Hinduism while many themes of the show are rooted in buddhistic beliefs and Daoism.

I am by no means an expert regarding religions and their philosophies but I am South Asian and grew up with certain traditions and I do like to do research and educate myself.

I also think that creating a lore based on these three teachings is a great opportunity to create a wonderful, beautiful and complex world that could be a symbol and reflection of our own reality.

Bryke have created something very dear to me and many others. And the core themes of the show are things I whole heartedly agree with. However, reducing those to nothing for the benefit of one single character is just disrespectful. Making everything black and white is just proof that the philosophies were not understood, be it Hinduism, Buddhism or Daoism.

So yeah, the lore of ATLA is actually quite beautiful and complex and I always love to dive deep into it. But it's like the whole of it was just pushed aside for the benefit of certain characters and that's just lazy and aggravating - especially if the show was actually great at first.

Hopefully I could answer your question.

[autumngracy]

The biggest step to me renouncing Christianity was when I chose to read the bible straight through during a Christian youth retreat I went to (I don't remember if it was literally a bible camp or not but it wasn't actually required that you read the bible so it would be kind of funny if it actually was)

Anyway I got through the Old Testament at least, and some ways through the New Testament, but I just couldn't bring myself to finish it lmao. I was like 12 or something and had been a Methodist "since birth".

However, I had already been questioning since I was like 4 years old, when it occurred to me one day in church whilst coloring in a Jesus themed coloring book page (which they handed out to the littlest kids to keep them quiet during service) that it was honestly kind of ridiculous that people were basing the entirety of their life and world views off the implications of something that *allegedly* occured in an extremely limited geographical area on the other side of the planet two thousand years ago in a completely different nation to a completely foreign culture with which we (Christians, especially Western ones) share little to nothing with today.

Just kind of sat the in the pew having a moment of revelation like, "Huh. This seems kind of, uh. questionably relevant to our current existence, never mind how absurd it sounds it you start spouting off about genuinely believing in things like talking snakes, stuff being created out of thin air, humans getting made out of other people's rib bones, etc.

Like, as I grew older (and consumed many National Geographic documentaries about ancient history, other religions and cultures, etc.) I really started to get bothered by the fact that if you brought up the most unrealistic sounding elements of the religion to believers they would get really defensive, and at the end of the day resort to arguments like "well maybe *that* bit was a metaphor/exaggerated, but all the CORE tenants of my beliefs are rational at the very least because they are moral.

And I was kind of like. If the only parts of this you can genuinely get behind are the moral justifications of the theoretical *acting upon* of those beliefs, well ... why isn't this just a philosophical system, then, more like Pre-sectarian Buddhism? If you believe so strongly in these particular moral tenants, do you really need a whole magical backstory to motivate you (usually through fear if we're being honest) to act upon them?

And once I realized most people (unless they were religious scholars or officials) weren't willing to discuss or deconstruct such matters of their faith, it became clearer and clearer that this entire cultural path was not something I felt comfortable continuing down. Because from the earliest ages I would be asking *why* we did certain things (like any cultural things, not just specifically religious ones), and either the adults would tell me they didn't know, or get mad at me for even asking.

People that get mad at you for asking questions about a rule, custom, or belief (yes, even if it's an annoying amount of questions) shouldn't be trusted imo. That's one of the biggest things hat drew me away from Christianity, and coincidentally also one of the biggest things I liked about Judaism—that questioning everything is encouraged, and considered a vital part of engagement!

Truly love the number of people I've met that have been like "Well I went to a Catholic school as a kid, which is to say I'm not Catholic" like damn Catholic schools really out here doing the exact opposite of missionary work.

[flame-point-pagan]

I was thinking about growing up Christian and how... weird some of it was.

And like I grew up pretty mainstream, no cults, and one of my churches even consistently marched in a pride parade (Episcopal). I also was educated on Episcopal, Presbyterian, and Catholic doctrine and attended southern Baptist and a few other services. Both my grandfathers were pastors, but my family never thought people from other religions or other branches of Christianity were going to hell. Proseletizing was rude, but being queer was fine. And everyone took me becoming Pagan okay, especially since a good chunk of the family had converted to Buddhism.

I went to private religious schools for 8 years (not for religious reasons), and there was just some weird, weird shit that you just... absorbed.

Some church services wouldn't let anyone leave until enough donations had been made or enough people had gone up to the altar to be prayed over. In religion classes, dying for your religion was passively praised. Like, you weren't expected to, but historical heroes had and were praised for it. You also weirdly come away from that with the expectation that if you change your religion, you have to be prepared to die for it.

Also, you studied a LOT of pseudohistory about Christian persecution that just was not supported by historical sources if you dug into it. You did not study all the bad stuff that was done in the name of Christianity. You learned fun stories about the spread of Christianity and how it saved people. Meanwhile in history class, people's religions mostly just wasn't mentioned or was downplayed. Crusades just happened, what religious motivation. Or totally the Muslims' fault. Christians sacking Constantinople, not mentioned.

Also, several teachers believed that all non-Christians in the world were going to hell. That's what finally made me snap and change religions.

And it's kind of like, when a woman is treating a man poorly but you don't realize unless you mentally flip the genders. If someone had told bebe little Christian me that another religion taught kids to praise and look up to religious figures getting tortured to death, ceremonial cannibalism, and believing that everyone that isn't exactly your religion will suffer for eternity so it's okay to do anything necessary to convert them so they don't suffer, I would have been pissed and ready to rescue those poor kids.

As an adult, I'm proreligious freedom, and all for being weird, but some Christians' values are really super weird if you think about it.

And that's not even getting into the doomsday stuff.

[zeropointfourorless]

Candy and Sickness (I feel bad about feeling bad and I'm writing about it)

I grew up sickly, and crying because I could not eat candy, or at least as much as a 4-year-old would want to. I would often be found staring at the closed fridge door like an addict, feeling simultaneously guilty for wanting to eat candy and sad for not being able to. I knew it was bad for me, the dentist, the doctors, and the school nurse all said the same and I, above everything in my life, want to make people happy and do what they tell me to do. So I didn’t eat all that much candy at all. A single piece of candy a day was all I rationed myself. I think sometimes I could make those single-serving boxes of raisins last three days.

When I got into acting school, the production team would be lovely and leave us a little bag of sweets and treats. I would hoard these up (I still have candy from my first production three years ago somewhere I think) and would feel simultaneously guilty for wanting to eat them and not eating them. The only time I ever indulged in them was when I was drunk and there were no more chips in the house.

I guess the core of it is, perhaps I misunderstood something about stoicism or zen buddhism. I don’t believe that I deserve to feel any better than I do, which isn’t very good at all, and I don’t want to receive any kindness or understanding from the people that I work with, the people I’m friends with and the people who I love and love me in return.

Which is a problem, of course.

Especially when you’re sick.

Nobody likes being sick, of course, but I never know what to do with the well wishes. I think people think poorly of me when I’m ill, which is stupid because I would never think that of them. I’m a big advocate of the whole “take the week off if you feel even a sniffle coming along” because, without going into it, historically school and work have been so cruel and awful in the way we treat sick people. Being in the performing arts especially, it was drilled into me from a very young age that “if you’re not in the hospital you show up and do the show”. Which is awful. I hate it and it’s toxic. So I do genuinely take people’s word at face value when they’re sick. Even when I was in the army and people started falling ill at convenient times, or when classmates had to dip because they were feeling vaguely ill. I know how good a show I can put up, I know I can push through a lot of pain and illness, until I know I can’t anymore.

And recently, I couldn’t anymore, and I feel awful for that.

I think it has everything to do with the candy problem. Perhaps in my mind, human kindness and friendship are like a piece of candy, and I feel guilty every time I want it, ask for it, or God forbid, need it. It’s only in writing it out right now that I hear how silly this line of thinking sounds, but that is the absurdity that I live with. I’m working on it…

[musicgoon]

Book Review: Humble Confidence, by Benno van den Toren and Kang-San Tan

How can we tell others about Christ and the truth of Christianity, especially in our multicultural and multireligious world? In Humble Confidence, Benno van den Toren and Kang-San Tan present a model for interfaith apologetics.

What immediately stood out to me was the authors’ view that religious pluralism is closely related to cultural pluralism. In other words, religious outlooks deeply shape cultures. This gives Asian Americans much to untangle as we navigate Western and Eastern religious philosophies. The book explains that “particular religious traditions can be expressed in different, cultural forms.” Therefore, a theology of apologetics is needed, still, for a universal relevance of the gospel. 

Apologetics is embodied in community and dialogue, and it may play out differently depending on the culture. The authors write that the ability to learn “a second first language” is helpful in overcoming any divides. That means you strive to learn the language so well that it’s as if you grew up speaking it.

Establishing Common Ground

And just like how you can learn a second first language, you can also learn a second first culture. When you do so, different customs and traditions will no longer appear “ridiculous,” and you know you are reaching a better understanding of how a person thinks and behaves. 

The central truth of Christianity – the resurrection of Christ – is the heart of this book. The authors make a case that some worldviews might not even see the credibility of witnesses to the resurrection as important. Some might say that it’s “too good to be true,” while others might have hurts that prevents them from believing. The element of trust in the messenger as well as in the message is instrumental for others to come to faith, and it is the Holy Spirit who can help make this happen.

Establishing common ground is crucial, and it is important to have winsome representatives of Christ and Christians in the public sphere. The second half of the book plays to this fact, examining a contextual apologetic witness to particular audiences. The book takes on three religions: Hindu, Buddhism, and Islam.

Win Others Over

In regards to Buddhism, this book shows that there is a radical difference between Christian and Buddhist understandings of reality as well as the human condition. Common ground can be found in that reality exists beyond our own interpretations and projections. When encountered with the dilemma of taking responsibility in rebirths, Paul Williams (a Christian convert from Buddhism) wrestled with this question: “What do I do when I am constantly thrown back on my own responsibility to save myself and, in the process, I am only discovering my inability to do so?” It is here where the reality of God in Christ can find a foothold. 

The book ends with chapters on unmasking secular idols, where a cultural hermeneutic is needed to be developed in order to expose idols that hide in the culture. It also includes a chapter that discusses inner tensions in late-modern spiritualities. 

Humble Confidence concludes with a chapter that acknowledges that while apologetics can also be seen as a battleground for one intellectual system to win over another, there is another way. Christians can provide a space for dialogue where we can offer a reason for the hope that is within us. This dismantles our use of religion for power and prestige, and allows us to win others over for Christ.

I received a media copy of Humble Confidence and this is my honest review. Find more of my book reviews and follow Dive In, Dig Deep on Instagram - my account dedicated to Bibles and books to see the beauty of the Bible and the role of reading in the Christian life. To read all of my book reviews and to receive all of the free eBooks I find on the web, subscribe to my free newsletter.

[lestudio1-bernardbujold]

#dieu #religion #terre

#catholique #catholiques #eglise #église #eglisecatholique

L'EXISTENCE DE DIEU...

Avec chaque début d'une nouvelle année, le sujet qui nous vient souvent à l'esprit est de savoir si notre Dieu sera généreux à notre égard?

Selon certaines estimations, il existerait sur la planète terre entre 4,000 et 10,000 religions, églises, dénominations, organismes religieux, groupes confessionnels, tribus, cultures, ou mouvements. Elles ne sont pas toutes équivalentes en importance et surtout en nombre de pratiquants. Cinq d’entre elles se sont détachées des autres au fil des millénaires, Il s’agit du christianisme, de l’islam, du judaïsme, du bouddhisme et de l’hindouisme.

La plus grande religion, le christianisme, est pratiquée par environ 2,4 milliards de personnes​ et vient ensuite l'Islam avec 2 milliards​.

Le pays qui compte le plus grand nombre de chrétiens pratiquants sont les États-Unis, avec une population chrétienne de 253 millions de personnes.

On évalue à près de 6 milliards le nombre de fidèles sur la planète, toutes les religions confondues, sur une population totale de 8 milliards.

Personnellement, j'ai grandi dans un presbytère catholique lorsque j'étais enfant, mais depuis plusieurs années je ne suis plus pratiquant donc on peut dire que je suis dans les infidèles...

Mais je crois en une forme de Dieu et la question existentielle que j'aime débattre, autant avec les fidèles que les infidèles: "Est-ce qu'il y a un Dieu différent pour chacune des religions?"

Au final de mes discussions, j'en arrive toujours à la conclusion que chaque religion a une vision individuelle de Dieu! Mais selon-moi il n'y a qu'un seul Dieu, une sorte d’énergie universelle pour tout l’univers. Dieu ne peut pas être exclusif à une religion!

Une religion est un regroupement de gens ayant des convictions communes mais Dieu n’est pas exclusif à un groupe ou à une doctrine. De penser que Dieu favorise une religion plutôt qu'une autre est comme de croire que le soleil ne brille que pour nous…

Et vous, quelle est votre vision de Dieu?

VOIR PHOTOS

#god #religion #earth

#catholic #catholics #church #catholicchurch

THE EXISTENCE OF GOD...

With each start of a new year, the topic that often comes to mind is, will our God be generous to us?

According to some estimates, there are between 4,000 and 10,000 religions, churches, denominations, religious organizations, faith groups, tribes, cultures, or movements on planet earth. They are not all equivalent in importance and especially in number of practitioners. Five of them have become detached from the others over the millennia. These are Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism and Hinduism.

The largest religion, Christianity, is practiced by about 2.4 billion people, followed by Islam with 2 billion​.

The country with the largest number of practicing Christians is the United States, with a Christian population of 253 million people.

The number of believers on the planet, all religions combined, is estimated at nearly 6 billion, out of a total population of 8 billion.

Personally, I grew up in a Catholic presbytery when I was a child, but for several years I have not been practicing so you can say that I am in the infidels...

But I believe in a form of God and the existential question that I like to debate, as much with the faithful as with the infidels: "Is there a different God for each of the religions?"

At the end of my discussions, I always come to the conclusion that each religion has an individual vision of God! But in my opinion there is only one God, a kind of universal energy for the whole universe. God cannot be exclusive to one religion!

A religion is a group of people with common beliefs but God is not exclusive to a group or a doctrine. To think that God favors one religion over another is like believing that the sun only shines for us...

And you, what is your vision of God?

SEE PHOTOS

[deerydear]

I guess 'whiny' requires a qualifier. For much of the story, D. is shown as suspiciously silent and stoic... but one can very much see what's going on in his mind. Even I could in some sense, during my first viewing. The fact that he thinks he can use other people as puppets makes him a whiner. He whines without words. He bottles up his whining monologue until you can almost smell it wafting off of him. He has a sort of fantasy narrative that tries to cover up all of his very-real vulnerability and fear...

Ralph Fiennes has such beautiful eyes. I actually want to cry, thinking about that. The casting was a great choice. (Wasn't D. a blond in the book? Yeah, I imagine him to be so, extremely pale from a lack of sun; but large, rectangle-headed, brawny like a horse.) I also had imagined Reba McLane as a redhead, but she was beautiful in the film.

I like Hopkins as Hannibal. Reading the book, I felt that he should be a short and unattractive man with eyes like a beetle's. I don't mean this as an insult to the actor at all.

I'm fond of every single portrayal of Jack Crawford that I've seen in film so far.

I watched the NBC show during a very turbulent time in my life... when I was fresh out of a mental hospital. Then I started to have dreams where I was living my life as Will Graham.. mundanely. I wrote about these dreams a little deeper, and I later analyzed them for symbolism... surprised that there was symbolism in a dream that I'd dreamt up 7 years prior... sitting like a lily-bulb frozen in the winter ground... waiting for the right time to sprout and become noticed.

omgggggg, I want to watch Manhunter next!

There was one dream where I felt a correlation between the figure of Dr. Lector ... and my first-ever girlfriend. It wasn't a happy thing. It's the kind of thing that I actually prayed to god about, trying to wash myself of. I saw a figure of Jesus reaching out to me, while I was in the darkness... praying before sleep because I could feel myself falling back into the mental anatomical maze of a dead relationship... Zombie? Something stitched up and walking around, lacking lifeblood... That's why I went to church for a few months, until I realized that I was practically falling into the ways of the Pharisees that Jesus warned about. So if I ever feel the need to pray to god, I just do it in my thoughts, in private.

I've also been reading a few different books about cult control and psychology. I'm not exactly friendly towards christianity. I feel like many of the churches are some of the most popular cults, but a lot of people are shy to recognise it. They have a fascination about other kinds of cults, especially alternative religions.. but I feel that that's the way that they channel their own feelings of fear and dissatisfaction outside of themselves and towards an outsider 'enemy group', because it can be dangerous to go against your own group. As Steven Hassan put it:

Even buddhism isn't immune to being warped towards a cult ideology. It really doesn't matter how kind, fair, or compassionate that the original idea is... Anything can become warped by a greedy or malicious person. They'll claim to be the opposite.

I recently found an old copy of the novel Silence of the Lambs. I love the movie so much... ))

I don't know... I think it's funny how I like to paint myself with a villainous brush while pretending that the other people in my life are poor little innocent victims barely tolerating my presence. but that person was not a good person. This wasn't her fault, entirely. Of course it was, in some ways... but she told me what contributed to her problems. She grew up with that seed inside of her, trying to deal with it as a child, trying to find a way to live without fear, without being eaten up by the world outside of you. I know how that is.

I think most of the turmoil of my teenage years after our break was due to my preference for fantasy. I was ripe for plucking into a cult. I chose a political cult as my first one.

I still think it's funny how those people claimed to hate christianity and everything about it, meanwhile believing in a convoluted version of original sin, purity, and holiness... secular holiness. Absolution through victimization. I always thought it was because most of the people ripe for conversion in this social climate were ex-christians ashamed of their old culture, because of how they were mistreated in a personal way... but they're viewing christianity through the lense of personal emotion instead of logical analysis of the ideas within. So they end up subliminating their emotional attachments to these christian stories into the way they understand the world around them, and therefore their politics, too.

It's strange to be able to look at cult scripts with two different lenses. You can see how it looks from the outside, and then how it looks inside. They create two different emotional experiences. I find it especially strange with the christian ones, since I grew up atheist with my mother telling me horror stories about the christians. I thought I'd never fall for any of it... but then I had a sort of 'scientific curiousity' after I was approached by a preacher on the street. I'd heard about this stuff my entire life but I hadn't been to a church so I had no experience of my own... just stories from my family who left the catholic church.

Another interesting book is Cultish, about the sort of language that cults use to influence people.

cults are gay. I should've recognised when I was getting caught up in the political one, because I felt that things were not lining up with reality... there were too many emotional variables, not enough logic, and every attempt to systematize the ideas with logic was repudiated as a sin. "You're not allowed to understand the ideas for yourself. You're supposed to just give the reins of your brain over to someone else because you're too rotten to decide for yourself. Listen to me." For a suicidal masochist, this is sweet talk. Well, it's deeper than that. The problems have discrete causes... but it's too much detail for a blog post. (OR IS IT?) I wasn't born that way. It wasn't my entire personality. I was a bigger person than the narrative I was trying to bury my life in.

Saw the Red Dragon film with my boyfriend the other night... wow. I loved it so much.

I saw the film many years ago, before reading the book. I really didn't enjoy it. D's childhood wasn't really shown in the film very much, only alluded to... so he seemed like an unnecessarily uptight whiny little cunt who I didn't care about... at all.

but I read the book this spring, so it brought an extra level of appreciation to the acting. It's like reading a play and then being able to appreciate how it's brought to life by a company of actors on the stage, right in front of you. I also find D's whiny cuntitude very fitting to his character. In the book, it explains everything that's going on inside of his head. In the film, one is able to see what is actually going on in the real world around him, unglazed by his biased perception. wowwwwwieeee

I so, so, so loved that glimpse of Hannibal's life before his capture. Although the original book had a slightly different method of deduction as to his identity... it would have been interesting to see that. What a man...

[orthodox-femininity]

The Importance of Veiling

The number one question I tend to get is, "How did you find the Eastern Orthodox Church," with the expected answer always being something like research or someone else told me to try it. However, my actual answer is, "I wanted to find a church to start practicing veiling."

I grew up your typical Midwestern, Evangelical Protestant in Southern Ohio. I went to church every Sunday with my grandparents up until I was about 13, around the time I realized I was unsatisfied with my church. I did my research on and off for a few years of different denominations and joined a Methodist-based Christian sorority in college, dabbled in Buddhism like every Gen-Z high schooler has, and even was a self-proclaimed Atheist for a few years. Senior year of college and the pandemic forced me to start looking a little deeper and suddenly, I was hit in the face with veiling for Christian women.

Veiling was NEVER something I had ever considered up until this point in my life. If you asked me what my opinion was several years ago, I would probably make a comment on how restricting and oppressive it was, women shouldn't be forced to wear a piece of fabric on their heads if they want to attend church! It seemed foreign and insane to me.

I can't remember exactly how I came across veiling, but all I remember is watching some video on Jewish Orthodox women and the importance of the tichel and the sheitel to them. I was fascinated by this, that something that seemed so restrictive actually gave them a freedom in God's grace. For the next few weeks, I couldn't stop thinking about it and what it meant for a Christian. Could I wear it too? Would someone mistake me as an Orthodox Jew or Muslim? Is this something Protestants even do?

I suddenly was drawn to it, the beauty in this sign of humility before God, as well as a reminder of the bridal relationship between Christ and the church. Every time I now wear a head covering in church, I know I am in obedience to God’s command in Scripture, and being respectful for the holy traditions of the Orthodox Church. "Head coverings encourage humility. Godly women come to church to focus on worship, not to draw attention to themselves. A girl may be tempted to show off an attractive hairdo. When a woman wears a headcovering, this temptation is removed. She can focus on prayer, instead of on hair."

St. Paul said in the first epistle to the Corinthians, "Every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head.” (1 Corinthians 11:5). A beautiful article I read as well quotes looking up to the Theotokos and the Saints as examples, "Virtually every icon of an Orthodox woman displays her wearing a headcovering. As far as I know, the only exception is St. Mary of Egypt, and she was a solitary saint who lived alone in the desert, far away from any people. Among the female saints who participated in society, all of them wore headcoverings, and their headcoverings are shown in icons. Even Mary the Mother of God–the most blessed woman in the entire universe–is shown in icons, wearing a headcovering. Can you think of a better role-model for women?"

I encourage each and every women to at least try veiling in church, especially when there are so many options to stylistically pick from!

A beautiful quotes and some visual examples of how to wear a veil to finish, "My wearing a head covering is not only a symbol or sign that I am in agreement with His order, but that I visibly, willingly submit to it. With submission comes blessing.” (Christa Conrad)