#Eskel being that brother

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

BLOCKING s3 vol. 1 haters on sight i am. blocking you all ON FUCKING SIGHT!!! last season we had to deal with eskel being turned into a goddamn fucking tree and then wolf food and now with the MOST fun and MOST enjoyable and LEAST Actively Pissing On The Books season of twn since literally season one that came out before the FUCKING PANDEMIC you wanna HATE??? not having it NOT having it. we literally have the "jaskier being ciris fun uncle" content we craved post-s1 for three years and Geralt literally called him "jask" and you wanna be MEAN???? NOT on my feed no sir

[slumberingcorpse]

The Wolf and The Fox

Part 1 “The Fox in the Snow”

Summary: It’s been years since the last witcher has been created. As far as young Geralt and Eskel knew, they are the last students until one winter morning...

It was a perfect day. The sun’s heat embraced you with love, the birds sang sonnets and ballets, and the flowers smelt as sweet as honey. As long as young Geralt could remember, a day like this was like any other day.

“Look, mama! It’s a raven! And that’s a swallow! Oh, look! A lark!” Geralt excitedly pointed out, clutching his mother’s dress.

His mother’s warm hand gently ran through his messy curls, “Very good Geralt, you’ve gotten so smart, dear.”

Geralt beamed, “Smart enough to be a sorcerer like you, mama?”

The young boy could hear his mother choke up, though, that the moment, he didn’t understand why.

“O-of course dear...but first you have to learn your plants. After all, that’s how I make medicine and potions. Want to help me pick some flowers for medicine?” she manages to say.

“I’ll pick all the flowers! So you can make all the potions and medicine and then we can get lots of money and live in a super big house! Maybe we can even have horses!” Geralt squealed.

A sniffle can be heard before he was pulled into his mother’s tight embrace.

“Mama? Why are you crying?”

“N-no reason dear, it’s just the pollen. Even sorceresses get allergies,” she lies before planting a kiss on his forehead.

After a long moment, she finally pulls away to look at her son before pointing towards a clearing in the forest, “There are some dandelions there that I need, could you be a dear and pick some for me?”

Geralt innocently nods and quickly makes his way to the clearing picking as many flowers as he could hold only to slowly notice how cold and dark it was getting.

Carrying his bundle of dandelions, he made his way back to where his mother once was, “Mama, look! I picked lots!” he gleefully reports only to realize that he was all alone. In the forest, surrounded by only trees and darkness.

“Mama?” he calls out as the air howls. His heart pounded as he frantically searched only to be met but two glowing eyes.

The poor boy was paralyzed, all he could do is clutch the wilted bouquet as the huge white wolf emerged from the shadows.

Its paws and jaws were covered in blood, it’s fur was matted and dirty. It was a monster, a monster inching closer and closer.

Geralt opened his mouth to scream but no noise would come out. His knuckles turned white as he clung to the flowers for dear life.

The wolf towered over the small boy and snarled before finally opening his jaw and taking his first bite.

He tried to scream, to cry out, but nothing came out. All he could do is endure as the wolf tore into his flesh and clawed at his bones. All he could do and watch the snow start to fall.

It felt like hours and yet, the wolf was still feeding. Geralt was becoming numb to the pain, only hoping that death would come soon enough. That’s when suddenly a tiny fox pup appears. Its fur was bright red, it looked soft and warm. It seemed to glow among the snow.

Geralt reached out for it. He tried to tell it to run away from the wolf but the fox stayed and watched. He wasn’t sure if the fox was trying to mock him or comfort him. Either way, he felt like screaming.

“Geralt!”

“Geralt! Wake up!”

Suddenly, Geralt was whole again. No wolf, no fox, snow, or forest. He was instead he was covered in cold sweat in an old shabby candlelit room in his bed with his closest friend and brother, Eskel, looking down at him with his all too familiar worried look.

He couldn’t breathe, it felt like his heart was going to pop, and all he can hear was his blood rushing through his veins.

Eskel frowns and places his hand over Geralt’s chest, “Focus and breathe.” he says. After a moment, Geralt does as told taking a few deep breaths as he focused on the pressure being applied to his chest.

Slowly, Eskel pulls his hand away before sitting at the edge of the bed, “You were screaming...did you have that nightmare again?”

There was no point in denying it, Eskel already knew him too well, “Y-yeah...t-they keep getting worse...” he answers honestly.

Eskel’s frown deepens, “Maybe we should tell one of the priestesses? Maybe they can ask Melitele to stop them.”

Geralt scoffs and gets up from bed, “Doubt any gods could help. A bath might help though.”

“Yeah, well that’ll have to wait til morning, it’s the middle of the night.”

“So?” He asks walking over to the water basin at the end of their room.

“So, you should get back to sleep. The last thing I want is to deal with you sleeping while I do all the yard work.”

Geralt rolls his eyes before splashing his face with water, “It was only one time. I’m not tired anyway...”

“That’s no excuse, you know what Vesemir says, ‘A tired witcher is a dead one.’” Eskel lectures handing him a dry towel.

The image of the wolf flashes in his mind, even now he can feel its fangs gnawing on his ribs, “D-does it matter? We’re going to die anyway...didn’t Vesemir also say ‘no witcher dies of old age’?” he argues taking the towel.

It was Eskel’s turn to roll his eyes as he suddenly grabs Geralt’s wrist and leads him toward his bed near the window.

“Eskel, what are you-”

“It’s the middle of the night, I’m tired and you’re sulking. Looks like I have no choice other than to sleep with you, baby brother.”

“Baby? We’re the same age,” Geralt growls but still follows him.

“And yet you still act like you aren’t,” Eskel teases as he lays back down pulling the smaller wolf with him.

Geralt knew there was no use in trying to escape. They might be the same age but Eskel was still twice his size. Vesemir says that he was just a late bloomer, a part of him hopes that’s the truth. But for now, he tries to make himself comfortable laying on the edge of the bed.

Slowly, he closes his eyes only for Eskel to pull him into a tight hug.

“Eskel!” he growls

“The bed is too small, you’ll fall off. What? Are you too old to get a hug from your big brother?” Eskel teases.

“Yes! Now let go! You whoreson!” Geralt snarls trying his best to shove him away to no avail.

“Aw, what’s wrong? Do you want me to sing you a lullaby to help you sleep?”

“I’ll rip your throat out if you try.”

Eskel chuckles but doesn’t let go, “You know I’ll always be by your side right? Even on the path or six feet under I’ll always be there.” he says with a sudden and yet soft tone.

Geralt stops fussing and sighs, “I know...”

“So then stop sulking and sleep. I’ll make sure to keep any nightmares away.” Eskel smiles giving him a gentle squeeze.

With that, Geralt slowly closed his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning was cold and unwelcoming. Even with the mutations, the young witchers had to wear their furs to withstand the freezing temperature around the temple.

Snow crunched underneath the boys’ feet as they worked around the temple’s farm.

“He’s late,” Geralt comments brushing down his horse’s black mane.

“Vesemir? Yeah, he is. Normally he picks us up before the first snow fall.” Eskel replays feeding his horse a few sugar cubes he may or may not have stolen from the kitchen.

“And yet it’s been three weeks from then.”

Eskel shrugs, “Maybe he got lost in some brothel.”

“I’m being serious, Eskel,” Geralt huffs.

“I am too,” Eskel smirks.

“What if he’s dead? What will happen to us?”

Eskel’s gaze softens, “He’s fine Geralt. We would’ve been told something if he was killed.”

Geralt doesn’t respond and just went back to brushing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun had set some time ago and yet Geralt couldn’t sleep, instead, he managed to convince Eskel to do some rounds of Gwent.

“So how many times do I have to tell you before you finally get it? Vesemir is fine. He’s probably just doing a last-minute contract. Maybe he stopped by a bakery and bought us some sweets,” Eskel tries to comfort as he places down one of his archers.

“Or he’s dead,” Geralt says bluntly placing down a scorch card.

“Tch, bastard,” Eskel curses before placing down another card, “What makes you so sure? I heard Vesemir is over 100 years old. Witchers don’t grow that old without being good at their jobs.”

“The older the witcher, the slower they get,” Geralt refutes before hearing a knock on the door.

Quickly, the two boys scramble to hide their cards before replaying with, “Come in.”

The door slowly opens as one of the priestesses walks in, “Oh good, you boys are still awake. Vesemir is here. Make sure to take all of your stuff before leaving.” she says before bowing her head and leaving.

“What is that saying again? Oh right, I told you so,” Eskel grins.

Geralt rolls his eyes and elbows him in the side before picking up his bags, “Race you downstairs.”

Unable to refuse a challenge, Eskel immediately bolts out the door followed by his brother. Even with their heavy bags, they ran like wolves through the temple till reaching their goal.

As usual, Eskel arrives first, smirking proudly at his achievement.

“You cheated. I didn’t say go yet.” Geralt huffs.

“Always the sore loser.” Eskel chuckles before suddenly stopping, staring at Vesemir with wide eyes.

Confused, Geralt follows his gaze landing on a small red-headed boy standing next to Vesemir.

“Boys, this is Lambert. If he survives the trials, he’ll be your brother in arms. Even so, on our journey back to Kear Morhen, protect him and treat him as if he’s already one of our own,” Vesemir states placing his hand over the small boy’s shoulder.

And just like that, there were three...

Next Part ->

A/N: Well this is my first attempt in a full witcher fanfic. It’s probably very different from many other fanfics but I love to focus on the brotherly aspects of the wolfs. My hopes are to make this a fluff series with some action and suspense, maybe some angst, but overall try to post a story about three brothers. Can’t promise I’ll update consistently but I’ll try my best. I hope at least one of you can enjoy it.

@ Tags: @wrongdodo

[hermitdrabbles56]

This has absolutely nothing to do with my usual content because it was from my last hyperfixation. but fuck it! I was really happy with this when I wrote and I still adore it now! Just some Eskel and Jaskier emotional hurt/comfort.

Jaksier held his head in his hands. Palms firmly pressed against his throbbing temples as if he could hold himself together that way. Staring down at the blank pages of the book he was trying to translate. Though staring was rather difficult as tears continuously flooded his vision, running down his cheeks as he tried to take slow breaths. 

Heat was prickling at the ends of his hair and spreading across his shoulders as he tried to hold everything in. It had all just suddenly become too much. The room was both too warm and too cold, his nose was so clogged up he could hardly breathe at all. He wasn't even sick, it was just an allergy flare up from all the dust in the library. Yet he still felt like a leper as everyone steered clear of him. 

Winter was fully set in, and he was thoroughly regretting having not run for the hills as soon as he could. Instead, here he was, trying to do one small thing and he couldn't even handle that. The others wouldn't let him do anything else, and the few things they did have him do they really didn't need him for as they did it anyway. He'd been pretty quickly shoved to the side and rendered completely useless. 

At the very least he thought maybe he could translate the old books Ciri needed to read. She'd been struggling with the arcaich dialect and bizarre poetic explanations. So he'd set to trying to make it easier for the princess. But the silence of the library and the aching of his sinuses seemed to be the straw to break the camel's back. 

His face was rubbed raw from trying to cope with his sneezing. Head aching with every little movement to the point he nearly felt dizzy. And now his chest was throbbing with every small breath he manages, heart fluttering unevenly in his chest with the effort to keep quiet. Even his eyes were beginning to burn from the hot tears and his fruitless attempts to dry them. 

The crushing and overwhelming feeling of loneliness despite how many people he was around, just about had him ready to pack his meager possessions and march out into the raging blizzard. See if he'd make it down or pass out and freeze to death in his cold induced sleep. The other option was to loot a couple bottles of spirits and lock himself in his room again to drown himself until his liver gave him something different to think about. It's how he'd spent the past two years as it is, why not continue the trend.

Another shuttered and stifled sob escapes him, followed by him rubbing at his stinging face as he attempts to clear his nose again. The wet disgusting noise grating on him in an even worse way than the silence trying to close around his throat. He couldn't even hum without it sounding pathetically off key. 

"Fuck this.." He huffs as he slams the book in front of him shut. 

"Jask..?" 

The low gravelly voice scares the shit out of him. Nearly causing him to leap right out of his own skin, only to look and find Eskel staring at him. The hefty witchers feline like amber eyes looking him over with a concerned pity that makes him feel even more raw. 

When he notices books in the other males arms he quickly scrubs his face with his sleeves. "Sorry..I'll clear out so you can work…not like I'm making any progress anyways." He shudders as he starts closing up the other books he has out. 

"You..don't have to leave I just..wanted to know if you were okay?" The gentleness in the big witchers tone, while in reality genuine, sounds fake in the bard's mind. 

"I'm.. I'm fine." He manages with a weak half hearted chuckle. 

"Jask..I'm actually asking…" Eskel presses gently. 

"Well..don't, okay? It's fine..just. I'll be gone in a couple of minutes." He huffs as he pushes himself onto his feet. 

Unfortunately he moves a little too fast in trying to get up and away from the chair. The whole world spinning violently as he feels himself starting to fall. Bracing himself for the inevitable impact of cold stone. And beyond surprised when he finds himself pillowed in a pair of big strong arms instead. 

"I gotcha…hold still a moment." He murmurs as he carefully gets Jaskier steady on his feet. One firm hand keeping him upright, while his other massive paw rests against the small humans forehead. Warm to the touch like the sun beating down on you during a nap in a field. "You don't have a fever at least…?" 

Jaskier can't help it as more tears start spilling down his cheeks. Nuzzling into Eskels paw of a hand in spite of himself and hiding his puffy red eyes as best he can. "..I-its just my fucking allergies….this place hasn't been dusted in ages…." 

"...when was the last time you drank actual water..?" Eskel tries carefully. 

The bardling lets out a very small indignant snort. "Water? What the fuck kind of spirit is that? Never heard of it." 

He tries to make his tone sound joking to lighten the mood, but really it just falls flat and sounds completely pathetic as his voice cracks. 

"..guessing food hasn't really been a present thought either..?" Eskel manages carefully. 

"..I grabbed some bread and cheese earlier…I think.." He mumbles quietly. Whatever it was, it wasn't exactly a meal, he'd been too tired that morning to really try and participate in breakfast after being all but ignored every time he tried too help. 

Either way the answer seems to be the last straw, the hand retreating from his forehead. He half expects the witcher to declare him not worth his time and leave. 

Instead he finds himself suddenly being picked up like a child, held against the man's chest in strong gentle arms. And without a word he starts moving. 

Oh joy..out into the snow I go…

Even if it is potentially now his fate to be thrown right out the keep doors, he doesn't have the energy to fight it. Laying limp in the others arms with his stuffy face partly smothered in Eskel's shoulder. He at least shuts his eyes tight in hopes that the tears will stop and not soak the man's shirt, seeing as his runny nose was already doing a disgusting enough job as it is. His head throbbing harder and harder with each drop of salty fluid that leaves his body. 

Just as he starts to hear the shuffling of items he hears Lamberts voice grate in his ears. Causing him to hide further into the large wolf's shoulder. 

"Did you kill it and put it out of its misery or something? The fuck is going on?" 

"No, now shut up and mind your own business." Eskel huffs. 

The command doesn't have any actual heat in it. But the way it rumbles in the wolf's chest vibrates soothingly against Jaskiers aching ribs. Causing him to swallow down and silence a heavy sob that leaves his lungs almost burning. He couldn't handle anymore ribbing on the topic of his 'fragile human emotional state' from the bitchy witcher. 

Before long Eskel is moving again, leaving the bard a little uncomfortable with the ominous lack of direction. 

"...should I be worried about where you're going to throw me..?" He finally manages very quietly. 

"I'm not going to throw you anywhere.." Eskel assures him. 

"You sure..? Because it would be well deserved…" He murmurs. 

"No it wouldn't.." 

After a couple of leaning motions and something being flopped onto the ground, Jaskier finds himself being readjusted and jostled slightly as Eskel sits. Resting the small human in his lap when he's done moving. 

Looking around a bit, Jaksier finds that they're now sitting in a pile of furs on the ground. Perched in front of the library fireplace with a cutting board holding two large bowls of rich beef stew, bread and possibly dried nuts and fruits. 

"Eat.." Is all Eskel says as he adjusts Jaskier to sit with his back and head against his chest. His voice was still gentle, but it was very much an order as one of the bowls was brought to sit in the bard's lap with some bread. 

Eskel also grabs his, but waits till Jaskier slowly starts to eat before starting his own. Leaning to the side even if it's a bit awkward so he won't accidentally spill any in the others hair. 

The stew in question is thick and rich, with big perfectly cooked chunks of; meat, potatoes and carrots. Well flavored too which tells him that Lambert thankfully was nowhere near it during the process. 

It takes a while for him to get it all down, but Eskel occasionally gives it a small touch of Igni now and again to keep it warm. For the most part the witcher idly looks over a couple of books. But as soon as his hands aren't busied by eating, he occupies them in other ways. Waiting till permission is granted before carefully combing one set of fingers though the bardling's hair. His other hand lightly rubbing at the smaller males tummy as it's slowly filled. Only ever stopping to flip a page or offer a handkerchief for Jaskier's persistent sinuses. 

Jaskier felt completely dwarfed in the wolf's hold, and some part if him felt like he should be uncomfortable. But wrapped in the others warmth, with those large, calloused, but gentle paws nearly completely covering his head and belly while moving in nonsensical patterns. The way he'd occasionally squint at the words on the page, and mumble things just loud enough that it felt like a purr in his chest. It was pure bliss. 

By the time the soup and a good bit of bread was gone the tears had stopped. His head aching a little less as he focused on the finger tips lightly massaging his scalp. He even manages to give a small chuckle when the wolf nudges a waterskin into his hands, encouraging him to start sipping at it despite how full his tummy feels. 

Eventually as he feels like he's going to fall asleep words finally find their way to his lips. His tone coming out on a sleepy amused murmur. 

"..If the foods that good all the time..I'm not going to fit in my doublets come spring…" 

The wolf gives one of those characteristically witcher hums. Such a deep sound rolling like Thunder in his chest, and continuing to as it turns into actual words. "Feel better though don't you..?" 

"Mm..yeah, a lot.." He admits with a small chuckle. 

"Then that's a good thing….besides, wintering here isn't easy, even with the protection of the keep. A little extra padding will help keep you warm, keep your muscles and bones from aching in the cold." Eskel manages as he runs light fingers over the bard's tummy again. 

"I can understand why that's important.." He murmurs quietly as he snuggles against him a bit. 

Even though winter had only just started. The big wolf was already rather soft himself. His waist and muscles already covered in a soft pillowy layer of fat. Not an uncomfortable boney spot to be found. 

So when Eskel carefully moves aside the books and the dishes. He doesn't mind being moved around by the other. Pillows being pulled off of the couch behind them and arranged before the wolf carefully lays down with the bard. 

The actions are all optional, his arms loose so that if he doesn't like it Jaskier can easily wiggle away. But the thought of pulling away from the others' warmth felt akin to pulling off his own skin. Back pressed up against the witchers strong doughy chest leaving him in a state of near perfect bliss, at least until he sneezes a couple times. Leaving his hands in gross snot because of his quick desperation to cover his face. A practically depressed whine escaping him when the fit finally stops. 

"Are the furs making it worse..? Do we need to go somewhere else?" Eskel asks carefully as he hands Jaskier another cloth and starts helping to clean him up, as if this isn't one of the most disgusting things in the world to be doing. 

"No..it's like a crack in a dam once it starts it just doesn't stop.." Jaskier whines softly as he takes the cloth and clears his nose, stupid thing filling right back up the second he stops. "Gods..I should go though so you don't have to deal with me…you have to put up with enough disgusting things I shouldn't be one of them…" 

"You're not disgusting, and shutting yourself up in your room isn't going to help whatever storm is brewing in that head of yours…" Eskel murmurs as he places a warm paw over Jaskiers forehead. 

"Don't you know it's best to leave people to their misery…they're less of a problem to you if you do.." Jaskier sighs, hating how thick and wet his voice sounds. 

"...Isn't it technically part of my job description to help with people's misery..?" Eskel asks quietly. 

Jaskier let's out a small whimper and looks over his shoulder into those big sweet amber eyes. "Oh, sweet wolf that is so much different…You ease real world pain and actual problems..Yes you weather people's misery and help it go away, but that is not comparable to the miniscule problems of a snotty bard with a case of melancholy.." 

Eskel just tilts his head slightly before holding Jaskier close again. Gently rubbing along the bard's full stomach again to soothe him. "..Weathering a little melancholy sounds a lot nicer than fighting someone else's monster….I think this is a job I can handle, especially since everyone else has been so rude to you." 

"They haven't been rude…I've just been a nuisance." Jaskier sighs as he lets his head fall back on the pillow finally. 

"Oh no…they've been rude… I've been trying to get them to quit ribbing you but they're a little hopeless…you just need to bite back so they'll listen….but that can wait till you're feeling better." Eskel sighs. 

Jaskier's ability to come up with a counter faded with each rumbling word that vibrated in Eskel's chest. Those large warm hands once again threading through his hair, and spreading across his belly. It made his eyelids feel as heavy as his clogged head as he sank helplessly into the touch. 

"M..maybe…you can teach me how t' bite later.." He drawls sleepily with a heavy nasally tone. 

"Sure thing..but first some sleep." Eskel whispers before laying back down behind Jaskiers back. 

The last thing the bard recalls is a low rumbling hum, quiet, and subtle. But strong enough to sink a comfortable weight into his bones as he drifts deep into sleep.

[inexplicifics]

What or rather who are the Eldritch Trio? It sounds familiar but I can't place it.

Heh, the eldritch trio are what happens when I go "alright but what if Geralt and Eskel and Gweld got some interesting alterations to their Grasses and ended up a little more inhuman than possibly the mages desired?"

Lambert knows he got a different blend of mutagens than his older brothers did. That’s because everyone got a different blend than they did. Their year, the mages decided to experiment, and even the sort of mages who go in for mutagen research are sane enough that after they saw the results, they decided not to do that ever again. There were only three survivors of that year: Geralt, Eskel, and Gweld. Geralt, the mages gave twice the usual Grasses, and he still came out looking the most human of the three. His hair is white as bone and his eyes are a startling true gold and his teeth are very, very sharp, but he looks mostly normal. Until he moves, with a liquid grace and speed that makes something in even witcher hindbrains shudder and draw back in fear. He’s much, much stronger than a witcher ought to be, and he can move as silently as a shadow, and something in his roughened voice makes terror skitter down a listener’s spine when he is angry. He doesn’t talk much anymore. Gweld got a different mix, and it’s probably a good thing he only got a single dose of it, because it gave him the sort of inhuman beauty only mages and incubi have, the sort that it’s hard to look away from. His eyes are the color of coals, deep burning orange, and if he meets someone’s gaze, it’s like Axii: they melt to his will. Also his hair is made of fire, now, instead of just being fire-colored, and his body temperature is just a little hotter than is truly comfortable to touch. Lambert suspects if Gweld had gotten a double dose of that, he wouldn’t have made it off the table…and also the entire keep might have gone up in unstoppable flames. And Eskel, poor bastard, whatever the mages gave him, it forced his latent connection to Chaos wide open, so that his power spills out around him…into vast, writhing tentacles of black shadow edged with amber light the same shade as his eyes. They’re only solid when he wants them to be, and they’re terrifying to face on the training field, because they’re impervious to pretty much all damage and they’re stronger than an angry chort. And Eskel has absolutely perfect control of them, including being able to cast Signs through his godsdamned tentacles. Most of the time, they look like a strange cloak, shrouding him in shadow-and-amber; and then, at least when he’s comfortably at home in Kaer Morhen, one of them will flick out to grab something off a shelf or pull one of his brothers closer, and Lambert is reminded all over again that his brothers are something that’s not even a little bit human anymore.

[shy-urban-hobbit]

“I mean, you’ve got to feel a little sorry for them really haven’t you?” Jaskier said from where he was mopping up the last of the evidence of the half dead rat Roach had thoughtfully decided to gift them (the first time it happened he’d shrieked in surprise before Geralt put it out of its misery with a matter of fact “Welcome to country living, city boy”). Geralt gave a non committal hum from where he was warming milk up for Ciri on the stove. The little girl sat colouring at the large kitchen table - too large for two, but that would change when Geralt’s brothers and any guests they decided to bring descended on them.

“I mean they’re just minding their own business like, Oh I’m a hungry rat. Please don’t kill me.” Here Jaskier put on a slightly squeaky voice and held up his hands in imitation of paws, still holding onto the mop, “And then wham one of the last things they see is Roach’s teeth coming towards them. So many teeth.” He gave the resident farm cat a critical stare and received a dismissive tail flick in response.

Ciri giggled at his antics which caused him to grin back at her in return. It always felt like a special sort of personal victory when he managed to coax a laugh out of the little girl.

Despite being together for six months, he was still being introduced to her as her father’s ‘friend’ (which was true enough, they wouldn’t be dating if they didn’t get along) and Jaskier was happy to go along with it. Geralt had explained without revealing too much that the little one had been let down by too many adults in her life already, himself included, and ‘boyfriend’ was maybe just a little too official sounding for the time being (and if he said his heart hadn’t broken a little for the five year old smiling at him from Geralt’s phone, he’d by lying), especially after the shit that had gone down with his ex. Geralt hadn’t gone into detail but from what Jaskier had gathered, the woman had had a hidden agenda in wanting to get back with Geralt and Ciri had almost gotten seriously hurt as a result. Geralt had blamed himself for jumping back into the relationship too quickly and so, any potential partners now had to pass what Jaskier had dubbed ‘The Ciri test’.  

He liked to think he’d passed the first portion with flying colours, the tiny blonde seeming perfectly comfortable with him in public places. Now they were dipping their toes into Jaskier staying in their home for longer periods, with Jaskier having graduated from the guest bedroom to sharing with Geralt the previous visit (the brunette wanting the ground to swallow him up when she happily informed her Uncle Eskel of ‘Daddy’s sleepover’ when the man had dropped by unexpectedly the following morning. Geralt had just shrugged and told him to be thankful it hadn’t been Lambert; who could and would, happily take the piss forever).

“Alright Ciri, put your things away and then go get your bedtime book. I’ll be in in a minute.” Geralt said, pouring the warm milk into a plastic My Little Pony cup.

“I want Jask.” Ciri declared form where she was trying to force the crayons back into their box by the (relatively small) handful, Causing both adults to stop what they’d been doing and stare at one another. This was new.

“You sure you don’t want daddy?” Jaskier asked, looking to Geralt for some sign as to what he should do.

“You do better funny voices. Daddy’s all sound the same.”

It took everything Jaskier had not to burst out laughing at that as he took in the minute eye twitch from the other man at that statement, “Geralt?”

Geralt nodded, “Mind if I stay and listen? You know how much I love The Gruffalo.”

Jaskier snorted and felt a surge of fondness. The lies we tell for our children.

It ended up being a joint effort, with Geralt guest starring as The Gruffalo “On account of you being so, well...gruff.” and admitting to a slightly too smug looking Jaskier and a mostly asleep Ciri that “Yes, Jaskier does better voices for everyone else. Especially Mouse.”

"Everything ok? You’ve gone all quiet on me.” Jaskier said from where he had his head in Geralt’s lap as they watched some mindless Netflix show. “I didn’t overstep did I?” He was suddenly frantic, his anxieties bubbling back up to the surface now that he didn’t have a performance and an audience to focus on, “I know you probably just said yes so things wouldn’t be awkward. I probably should have told her no and come up with an excuse but how can anybody say no to that face-“

“Jaskier. It’s fine, honestly.” Geralt said, rubbing his hands up and down Jaskier’s arm in a way he knew calmed him, “I’ve built up something of an immunity to Ciri’s puppy eyes. I would’ve said no if I had a problem with it. I’m just thinking.”

“About?”

“About how I might have a question for Ciri.”

The next morning saw Jaskier seeing both of them off with a hug (also accompanied by fishing a stray cheerio out of Ciri’s hair which he had been too tired to question) before heading back to his city apartment and his job as a music tutor.

“Ciri?” Geralt asked, putting her school backpack by the door as he knelt down to help her button up her coat, “You know how Aiden is Uncle Lambert’s boyfriend?"

It had slowly been killing Jaskier not to check his phone as soon as the text notification came through but he was nothing if not professional and he would not check his phone when he was in the middle of a lesson. Thank the Gods he did wait as he was prettu sure he gave his retreating student a minor heart attack with the squeal he let out at Geralt’s message:

‘Ciri has been proudly announcing to her classmates this morning that Jaskier is her daddy’s boyfriend. Much disappointment from the single mums.’

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 15

Jaskier realizes that when Geralt comes back from a hunt, pent up, eyes black, still snarling and panting like a beast, the only thing that helps is cuddling him. He hugs him, and runs his hands through Geralt's hair, and gently washes him with a rag and hushes words into his ear, and it helps bring Geralt back down. Sometimes he wakes up to Geralt coming back from a late-night hunt and immediately grabbing Jaskier's waist and yoINking him into Geralt's bedroll so they can snuggle. It's cute. And Jaskier certainly has no complaints.

Jaskier tries to ask him about it one time, but all it earns him is a "Shut up, Bard." and Geralt acting weird the rest of the day. Maybe he's embarrassed? Jaskier doesn't know why. He has no idea what the potions must feel like to Geralt, perhaps he truly needs the warmth and mass of a person in order to not want to rip his own hair out or scratch off his own skin or something else? So he's just fine with hugging his beefcake of a bestie (of whom he may be completely head over heels in love with) if it means keeping some awful ailment at bay. And he believes this for at least a decade, before he meets Geralt's brothers. Don't get him wrong, they're lovely people! But one day, an exceptionally difficult hunt calls for all three of them to go together and leave Jaskier at camp. Jaskier is a bit concerned over how he'll comfort all three of them at once, but when they come back, he finds that Geralt is suddenly ignoring him, and Lambert and Eskel are acting normal, if not just very exhausted. Jaskier pulls Lambert aside and asks him why they're not itching to hug him, and Lambert is very confused. Jaskier explains that usually Geralt needs to hold him in order to deal with the after-effects of his potions. Lambert explains that's not a normal witcher thing, and that Geralt probably just likes him, but he explains it in his own lovely lambert-y way, meaning it's mostly just laughing hysterically at his big brother catching feelings for some bratty noisemaker in silk (He likes Jaskier! It's just... Not what he saw Geralt going for.) Jaskier tries to talk to Geralt about it, but Geralt stops him from even walking close to him, and walks farther off as extra salt in the wound. It's like he can't even bear to be around Jaskier. It hurts a bit. Jaskier asks Eskel if Geralt took different potions or has a toxin of some sort i him that makes him behave like this instead of the normal, and then explains everything Lambert told him. Eskel agrees that it sounds like him just being comforted by the feeling of his mate safe and sound next to him, and that they've never seen Geralt like that. Jaskier is confused, because surely Geralt doesn't feel the same way, right? sURPRISE SECOND ATTACK! THE MONSTER RETURNS! OH NOOOOO Anyways, It slashes the shit out of Jaskier's arm, or perhaps chest, I don't know, whichever wound strikes your fancy, and the witchers go after it, but as soon as the beast is killed, Geralt rushes to Jaskier, and holds him close. The others try to walk over to help patch Jaskier up only to get growled at by their own brother. So now Lambert and Eskel are playing rock paper scissors on the ground over who REALLY got the final hit on the beast while Geralt sits 12 feet away from them, mending his bard. He growls at them if they look at Jaskier and him too long. A while later, he's off the high of the potions and adrenaline combined, and the witchers sure are going to have a field day lovingly making fun of their brother over this. But first, Jaskier and Geralt need to have a heartfelt talk. ♡!Optional addons!♡

• Big bonus points for a sequel or additional chapter of Lambert starting to act the same way over Aiden (or other ship of your choice, but Lambert and Aiden are my bread and butter lol)

[casually-eat-my-soul]

Okay so after the mountain breakup Geralt wants to apologize but he’s not sure how too. When he goes home for the winters he’s much more grumpy then usual and his brother and vesmir can smell his angsting. It take them nearly all winter to figure out why Geralt is so sad, but when they do they try and help.

All three of them try to figure out a way to have Geralt apologize. But they are Witchers and treat this in the same way they treat a monster hunt. They also don’t understand humans, and Geralt isn’t really that helpful as Jaskier is so different from humans.

When they finally come up with a decent plan, that has backups of course — “what if he escapes out a window instead of listening to Geralt?”

“Humans don’t jump out of widows lambert, they wouldn’t survive”

“Hmm no Jask jumped out of a three story widow when he heard that Valdo Marx was in the same building.”

“Fuck, we got to block out all the exits”

— Geralt sets out to apologize, and unbeknownst to him Lambert and Eskel follow him. They decide that since Geralt bard is well a bard, Geralt obviously needs to serenade him as he apologizes. (Ye old boombox)

So they buy cheap instruments and lay in wait. When Geralt finally starts to apologize it comes off awkward they jump in and start play horribly. They are both sing two different songs while they play hit cross buns. — “I fucked up and now I’m an angsty bastard without you, please fuck me again.”

“Lambert shut the fuck up, the lyric we agreed too was I’m deathly in love with you and being without you leaves me heart broken and berate” — It’s not really a surprise though lambert only followed to make fun of Geralt, while Eskel is a true romantic at heart.

They end up getting into a fist fight, in front of one mortified Geralt and dying laughing Jaskier. but while they are distracted with fighting each other Geralt pulls Jaskier aside and properly apologizes. It’s a sweet moment and they are both slightly crying — “I know that you may never forgive me, but I wish for you to travel with me again, to be better for you, to you.

“Geralt I forgave you two days after the mountain, I missed you too.” — Coen appears out of nowhere with a flower bouquet and gives it Jaskier and claims it’s from Geralt. He also kisses Jaskier hand before stepping away. Geralt nearly decks him. Jaskier makes a joke about swooning over Coen, so Geralt in a fit of confidence kisses him.

Next winter when Geralt brings Jaskier to the keep, they roast his ass. There isn’t a day that goes by without lambert or Eskel bringing up how angsty Geralt was last winter. Jokes on them they don’t have someone like Jaskier to wake up too.

[wren-of-the-woods]

Hello! Thank you so much for what you do- could I please have some recs for geraskier fics where geralt is the one pining harder?

Here you go!! I wasn't sure how to categorize who was pining harder in all of these (since our boys are masters of longing lol) but these are all stories where Geralt loves Jaskier very much, and I highly enjoyed them all!

~

favorite by @asweetprologue (Rated G, 5.8k)

Jaskier gets Geralt a gift, and it makes Geralt realize he doesn't know enough about what Jaskier likes. He forms a plan to figure it out.

i’ll kiss you slow by @paintedcrayons (Rated T, 4.9k)

Geralt is not being creepy. He’s not. He’s just looking out for his friend (with a questionable choices in lovers). Lately, Geralt has started to notice the way people treat Jaskier’s affection like a means to an end. They kiss him only to move to the next step, dance with him as pretense to get him into their beds. He would like nothing more than to kiss Jaskier for the sake of it. (He does.)

time and time again by @samstree (Rated G, 5.2k)

Marriage proposals, through the years.

The Best Laid Plans by @dhwty-writes (Rated T, 5.5k)

Geralt is in love with Jaskier. In order to finally get him to admit his feelings, he devises a ten step plan with Lambert, Eskel and Vesemir.

A Friend in the Wild by @samstree (Rated G, 1.6k)

In which Geralt acquires a tiny friend who wouldn't stop following him.

Weak and Wanting by @sociallyawkward--fics (Rated T, 36k)

Geralt had thought that inviting Jaskier to Kaer Morhen after all these years would be a good thing. What he didn't plan on was his brothers deciding to have a little fun with their situation. Lambert and Eskel really needed to stop meddling in things they didn't understand, especially when it came to his bard.

Tell It With Your Heart by @bambirex (Rated G, 2.5k)

While Jaskier always says what's on his mind, Geralt works a little differently. That doesn't mean he cannot tell Jaskier how he feels - he just does that without words.

Repeat After Me by @onwardorange (Rated G, 7.3k)

All it takes is (nearly) three years, two meddlesome brothers, and one exasperated sorceress to get Geralt to admit his feelings for Jaskier.

Love Me Better, Send A Letter by @rebrandedbard (Rated T, 12.5k)

Geralt and Julian have been exchanging letters since participating in an inter-school pen pal program in high school, and Geralt has been pining away for Julian for over a decade since meeting by chance one faithful day in Posada. Between work and Ciri, he hasn't had much time for travelling, but he and Julian still exchange their letters faithfully. Finally, Julian's equally busy life coincides with Geralt's long enough for a short visit, and Geralt has the chance to finally introduce Ciri to the man she knows only on paper. Things would be perfect ... if Julian's visit didn't fall within the week of the concert of Ciri's favorite musician, Jaskier.

Music is no solution by @thecrownprincessbride (Rated T, 4.3k)

Jaskier has self-doubts, and Geralt is there for him.

A Careless Omission by @samstree (Rated T, 5.4k)

Jaskier reveals he has a type. Geralt behaves strangely.

Highway Angel (To the Dark I Said Pour and Forgot to Say When) by @fangirleaconmigo T, 2.8k

Geralt is a long haul truck driver. With long stretches on the road away from his family, and with no one to keep him company but his loyal dog Roach, he has to brave most of his life completely alone. Then one day, just as he is passing the city of Oxenfurt, he turns on the radio and hears a voice.

zero for ten by @yaelathewordsmith (Rated T, 10.4k)

The blue-eyed boy on the school's cricket team seems determined to bowl Geralt out. The worst part is, he isn't even fucking trying. * Or, the ten times Jaskier held Geralt's heart in his hands without knowing, and how Geralt grew to want him to keep it.

~

(You can find my other reclists here!)

[fangirleaconmigo]

Geraskier

So you know how Jaskier (Viscount Julian) left home and changed his name and since he’s always short on cash, one would assume he was cut off (or cut himself off) from the family fortune?

So what if when his parents finally pass away and and he comes into a substantial amount of money, it is right about the time Geralt is really starting to feel the wear and tear on his body and wonder whether he can be a witcher for much longer, and he’s feeling anxious and melancholic about it but hasn’t admitted that to anyone.

But then he gets an invitation from his dearest friend Jaskier to join him on the coast at a cottage for some rest and recovery.

And when he shows up and drops his bags, he is instantly in love with the place. It seems like something he would build himself. Its decorated with items from their many years of travels. Ciri’s first wooden sword is hung on the wall. There is swallow imagery reflecting her as well, in the paintings and etchings. There are buttercups interwoven with wolves.

When Jaskier takes his things, there are hooks and contraptions that are perfectly shaped to hold his swords and armor without scratching or damaging them. The table and chairs are his perfect height. There is even a fireplace styled just like the one at Kaer Morhen, evoking the memories of many nights drinking with Eskel, Lambert, Coën, and Vesemir.

Jaskier hugs him so tightly he coughs, but it warms his heart and he forgets about his melancholy. Then Jaskier leads him by the hand and takes him to the back garden and his brothers and friends and most thrillingly of all, his daughter, are all sitting around with ale and they shout and toast him.

After he is kissed by Ciri and squeezed in many strong arms, he takes Jaskier aside. By then it is dark and the candles and torches are twinkling illuminating the tables where all the war stories are being told with laughter and copious amounts of swearing.

“What is the occasion, Jaskier? What’s going on? When did you buy this place?”

Jaskier looks at him with so much love and fondness, Geralt’s knees feel weak. Its getting harder and harder to hide these damndable feelings for his dearest friend.

“I didn’t buy it.” He says. “I built it.”

“You built it.”

“Well. I paid someone to build it. Obviously. The important question, though, is whether you like it.”

“I do,” says Geralt. “I love it.“

“Good. Because I built it for you. And the occasion is your retirement, or semi-retirement, if you desire it.”

It takes a good half hour to convince Geralt that Jaskier is not joking with him or teasing him. Jaskier places a key in his hand with a wolf etched on it. Geralt walks around the house in a daze. Jaskier follows behind with a gleeful smile. Like Geralt imagines mothers look on their children’s birthdays and they’ve given them the pony they’ve aways wanted. When the tightness has cleared from Geralt’s throat and he isn’t afraid he’ll sound emotional, he speaks.

“Jaskier,” he says, “why? Why would you do this for me?”

“Because,” Jaskier answers, “you deserve it. You’re always doing for others.”

Geralt feels the tightness in his throat again. He looks into his dearest friend’s eyes and his hands stray to Jaskier’s hips of their own accord.

He has never touched him this way. But he is overcome. Not thinking.

Jaskier smiles. “And because I love y—-“

He does not finish the word because Geralt is kissing him.

Ciri and Zoltan have wandered into the kitchen to look for another barrel of ale and the see the two of them kissing.

Ciri whoops and starts clapping. Zoltan mutters “its about godsdamn time.” Geralt’s ears turn red. Jaskier grins proudly.

Geralt has never felt more content. But he still teases Jaskier relentlessly before he invites him to move in with him.

“Its pretty lonely in this place.”

“You know, no reason I bring this up, but I have always wanted to live on the coast…”

“Maybe I should hire a butler, so the house isn’t so quiet…”

“I loathe you, witcher.”

“Actually, I have it on good authority that you love me.”

Geralt does that for a day or two, teasing between kisses, pretending he doesn’t understand what Jaskier is hinting at in the afterglow, for Geralt to invite him to move in.

They set up two chairs on the porch where they can see the waves and sit next to each other, Jaskier fiddling with his lute and notebook, Geralt nursing his wine.

And it is more than he had ever dared to dream.

[endiness]

personally, i don't care about eskel or his death at all, but that being said. likE.

"In interviews, Henry explains how he felt strongly that Geralt NOT be bumbling, nor a struggling father figure. In fact, a lot of S2 is about how Geralt does come from a loving (albeit unconventional) family. Henry was passionate about this shift, and we discussed it a lot, and ultimately thought it was wonderful for his character development."

"In the books, Geralt struggled with what it meant to be not just physically responsible for Ciri, but emotionally; however, in the show, in both writing and performance, Geralt had already learned a lot about loving and being loved from his brothers and from Vesemir. The conflict for our Geralt wasn’t about how to be a father… but the lengths he would go to protect his child of surprise. […] So how could we take the growth that we need to see in Geralt, but have it have all the appropriate ups and downs and cliffhangers and devastation and action that modern audiences expect? Enter the idea of a mystery Geralt needs to solve in order to learn about Ciri and her powers. And enter the idea that the mystery should unfold in the place where Geralt should have felt most protected and safe: his home. With his family. With the people he knows best. Except what happens when one of those people comes back home, and is acting completely differently than what Geralt expects? […] Geralt makes a choice that breaks his heart: he sacrifices Eskel to save Vesemir. And now we have a mystery for Geralt to solve: what happened to Eskel? And how does it involve Ciri? And further to that, we’ve got a dilemma that will play out through the whole season: just how far will Geralt go to protect the girl that is his destiny? What wins out: being a witcher, or being a father? Can he save both? And how?"

oh, so this is another thing that henry cavill fucked up? lol. lmao even.

[spielzeugkaiser]

You said Lambert would have a field day with deaged Geralt and Jaskier? Would he be a menace? Would Eskel melt at them being all tiny?

Lambert doesn't know how to deal! He's not prepared for a Geralt who looks at him wide eyed (brother??) and doesn't say anything. (Geralt is absolutely the kid that needs some time till he warms up with people).

[thedemonofcat]

After nearly being captured by Nilfgaard, Jaskier is saved by a chance encounter with a witcher—not Geralt this time, but Eskel.

As it turns out, Nilfgaard had plastered wanted posters of Jaskier all over the region, aware of his importance to Geralt. Determined to protect the bard, Eskel set out to find him.

With his life now in jeopardy, Jaskier decides he must learn to defend himself. Eskel, eager to help, agrees to train him.

When Jaskier and Eskel later reunite with Geralt and Ciri, Geralt can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy over the growing bond between his bard and his brother.

[inexplicifics]

people had been tossing around warlady milena as a concept. its fabulous and i think we should take it a step further. tribute lambert. i can imagine that a noble family might want to get rid of him after all, and even if giving someone as ill-tempered as him over would usually be insulting well.... im sure there are suitably nasty rumours that could make it work.

/2 tribute lambert could be anything from "i heard she takes a new man each night and slays them in the morning" or "eh, she'll cut out his tongue anyway what does it matter that he'll insult her?" or "she likes a good fight and he'll give that, even if he'll never win against a monster like that" or just "you act like a damn barbarian already, maybe you'll even survive." ooooh! in this geralt and eskel could be his brothers still! im sure theyd have Opinions on little lam being sold off to die

Oooh, complete swap with witcher warlady Milena and human noble Lambert? That could be very fun.

And yes, his older brothers would absolutely show up, seething, to rescue him. And then get instantly folded into the Warlady's court, to their great confusion.

(Seeing their little brother happy is also confusing. But nice.)

[shy-urban-hobbit]

Five times the Witchers learnt just how cat-like Aiden actually is

Biscuit making - Lambert

Lambert stared down at his friend, eyebrows raised in silent question as Aiden dozed lightly, plastered to Lambert so they were snuggled chest to chest in the small inn bed. He'd gotten used to Aiden purring in his sleep when the Cat witcher felt safe (and Lambert tried not to linger too long on how that made him feel) long ago but this…this was new.

The hands resting on Lambert's chest were rhythmically gripping and releasing the material of his shirt in tandem, the pinprick scratch of long, tougher than average fingernails just enough to feel through the fabric. It wasn't uncomfortable as such, in fact once he got used to it, when paired with the soft, barely audible purr it was actually quite relaxing.

Soon enough, Lambert found himself being pulled into sleep, either not caring or not realising that he himself had started letting out a steady stream of content rumbling of his own in response.

"Question for you, Cat."

Aiden didn't pause in lacing up his boots, "Ask away, Wolf."

"You know you were-" he clenched his fingers in imitation of the gesture, "I don't know - kneading - me last night?"

At that, Aiden did pause and Lambert had the feeling if he could blush he'd be bright red.

"I..shit. Sorry, I didn't even realise. I usually only do that around my siblings. I'll try to control it better."

"Didn't say it was a bad thing. " Lambert bumped his shoulder lightly against Aiden's, "I was just curious is all. I don't give a shit what you do, short of stabbing me."

Lambert tried to ignore the warmth blooming in his chest as Aiden let out a tiny purr.

Jumpscare - Eskel

Eskel hummed to himself as he bought in the last of the vegetables from the greenhouses for pickling. Glad to see that Aiden was already in the kitchen setting everything up and was currently busy with a keg of brine. Things had been a bit tense to start with when his little brother had rolled up with a Cat of all people but Aiden had made it very hard to not like him. If nothing else, he was always more than willing to lend a hand with chores - always a bonus when your home was in a near constant state of disrepair.

"Alright." Eskel said, dumping one of the sacks out onto the stone countertop, "That's the last of this year's crop. If we work quickly we should be done by-"

He was interrupted by a yowl next to him and if Aiden was an actual cat, Eskel would be inclined to think somebody had just stepped on his tail. Whirling around he saw no sign of the other Witcher. Until he looked up just in time to see Aiden hauling himself up to fully perch on one of the rafters, glaring at Eskel's haul.

"Eh...Aiden?"

"Get those things away from me." The Cat hissed pointing accusingly.

Now Eskel was even more confused, all that was there was a perfectly innocent pile of….

"You mean these?" He held up one of the cucumbers, causing Aiden to growl low in his throat in response. Eskel hastily dropped it again, "Ok, ok. I'll put these away for now and we can work on the beetroot instead. Ok?"

Aiden nodded but still refused to leave his perch until the offending items had been shoved back into the sack and into a cupboard.

Soundlessly, he grabbed a knife and began to peel and chop the beetroot.

"Cat thing?"

"Cat thing."

Zoomies - Geralt

Geralt couldn't sleep. Again. He was nowhere near desperate enough to go down the Djinn route again but by the Gods it was starting to get annoying. He just wanted one night where his mind wouldn't keep throwing up scenarios where he failed his responsibilities to Ciri, Yen, Jaskier, his brothers…he was just one man for fucks sake.

He decided to go check on the animals, Eskel had mentioned that the fence on one of the goat pens could do with repairs but it was already getting dark by the time he'd noticed. It was on the list for the following morning but his brother would be heartbroken if any of them had gotten loose and hurt in the meantime.

Turns out Geralt wasn't the only one feeling restless. As he entered the courtyard he caught sight of a figure seemingly in the middle of running laps along the wall. Too lithe to be Eskel or Lambert, too tall to be Ciri, it had to be Aiden. Geralt stopped for a second, unsure why until he realised. Aiden was moving fast.. too fast to be running it safely in the dark and frost. Even for a Witcher, that could be a broken leg or concussion at least if he fell.

As if the Gods had been reading his thoughts, Aiden lost his footing and soundlessly tumbled down onto the cobbles of the courtyard, landing in a heap. Only to bounce back up immediately as if nothing had happened and continue running laps at ground level instead.

Geralt felt his brow furrow as he continued watching, what the fuck?

"Couldn't sleep either?"

Aiden had come to a stop in front of him, hair plastered to his forehead with sweat and eyes darting around ceaselessly as he almost seemed to be vibrating in his own skin and using all of his self control to stay still and talk.

Geralt hummed in response before gesturing to the wall "You do that often?"

Aiden looked slightly sheepish as if he expected to be reprimanded, "Only a couple of times since I've been here. The mutagens. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to combust there and then if I don't move , for some reason it's worse at night. I think there was something meant to make us nocturnal, at least partially anyway. If I were on the path I'd go hunting or just go run pell mell in the woods for a bit. Doing that on an unfamiliar mountain didn't seem like the smartest thing though. I'm reckless, not suicidal."

Geralt huffed a laugh, "Well, don't let me stop you. Just don't make us find you lying out here with your skull cracked open in the morning."

Aiden gave a mock salute before going to mount the wall again, "Remind me to tell you about Cat Trials. Trust me, a fall from this is nothing. You could always run a couple of laps with me if you want? It's just, you look as if you could use something to tire you out too."

Geralt shrugged. At this point, why the fuck not?

Chirp - Jaskier

"Melitele's tits, it's cold. I mean, it. Is. COLD." Jaskier proclaimed as the two of them closed the door on the snow storm they'd just left, moving to hang his cloak and hood by the fire in the great hall, "I swear, if you and Lambert ever decide you're heading South for the winter I'm coming with you. Geralt can freeze his tits off up here alone, he'll survive. Unlike me. "

Aiden said nothing, although the bard had been around enough Witchers by now to know his companion was probably silently laughing at him as he removed his own cloak. Jaskier tsk'd at the snow clinging to Aiden's hair and moved to brush it out without thinking. The Cat let out a small but clearly audible "mrrrp" and momentarily pushed into the hand before he caught himself. He turned to face Jaskier, who was grinning at him like both Yule and his birthday had come early.

"Oh, well. That is just precious! " He exclaimed, clapping his hands together excitedly like a small child who's just been shown a magic trick, "Oh my dear, if all Cat Witchers make such adorable noises I may have a new favourite school. Do you all do that or is it just some of you? Purring's a given, every Witcher I've met purrs to some degree or other."

Aiden caught Coen's eye, the other Witcher flashing him a smirk which said 'You're on your own'

"That's it, I've decided! I'm making it my mission this winter to find out just how cat-like you are!"

"Do that and I'll hide your lute up in the rafters." Aiden said with no real heat, the Bard trailing after him asking questions about tables and glassware, distracted (for now) from the coldness of the Keep.

If I fits… - Vesemir

Vesemir basked in the quiet. There were perks to being one of the first ones to wake in the mornings. As much as he loved having his boys back safe and sound for the winter, after months alone the constant noise could become a little overwhelming at times, making these moments of quiet solitude all the more precious.

He made his way to the laundry room with an armful of bedding he'd found which probably hadn't been washed since the previous winter if the stale smell was anything to go by. No matter.

He quirked an eyebrow at the closed laundry hamper. He was certain he'd opened the lid earlier unless old age and senility were finally starting to get to him. Dumping the dirty sheets on the ground to free his hands he lifted the lid again.

And was greeted by Aiden blinking sleepily up at him, disturbed by the sudden brightness. Vesemir briefly took a moment to try and figure out what manner of contortion he'd used to cram himself into a space the boys had struggled to fit in even as adolescents before catching Aiden's eye. The two held eye contact as Aiden tilted his head in silent question, still half asleep. Vesemir wordlessly lowered the lid again in response before walking away shaking his head. It was too early for his boy's antics.

[blackberrywars]

♥️Lambert/Aiden Fic Reclist!♥️

For anybody and everybody interested in Lambert, Aiden, and/or their relationship! I've been obsessed with these two since the start of the pandemic, and they inspired me to start writing my own fic, so making a reclist has always been an idea in the back of my head. Plus, it's come to my attention that the tag can get crowded sometimes, so, Laiden fans, this one's for you.

Parameters: I've decided to divide my recs based on common story types that explore Laiden both in and out of canon. Other ships are allowed, but the focus is Lambert/Aiden. Additionally, I put a cap on 3 fics max per author. These are not arranged in any particular order beyond the categories.

——————————————————————————————

♥️Lambert's Revenge/Aiden's Death or Return♥️

(i know dead people, and you are not dead) by @brighteyedjill (Explicit/5,940/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Lambert finds Aiden after ten years of torture, maimed and broken. They retire and learn each other once again, mind, body, and soul.

I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory by CamilleDuDemon (Mature/2,327/Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death)

Aiden dies on a beautiful sunny day, while Lambert waits for him in their usual meeting place. Witchers cannot love and witchers never die in their beds. If only neither of those were true.

No Grave by @blackberrywars (Mature/2293/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A shameless self-rec, because I'm very proud of this fic. To the tune of Hozier’s Work Song, Aiden crawls from her almost-grave, determined to see her baby wolf again.

Fair Trade by Anoke (Mature/40,373/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Karadin sells Aiden to a mage, and he becomes an experiment, trapped in his own head while searching for a way out. It's a series, and this is the part where shit gets ugly.

Very Dark Magic by @bomberqueen17 (Mature/23,683/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden is once more getting tortured and mind-controlled by a mage, but luckily enough and via the power of psychic beams, Keira and Lambert find him. And Lambert's pissed.

Roses Fall but the Thorns Remain by @t4tlambert (Teen/1,458/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert holds Aiden's medallion in his hands, and he knows what it means. He pays for the privilege of having this last piece of his lover, and falls apart for just a moment.

No Grave Can Hold My Body Down by @t4tlambert (Teen/14,414/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A fellow Hozier-lyric-title user. Aiden crawls out of his grave and is found by Eskel, who begrudgingly decides to not piss off his little brother and does his best to keep his Cat alive.

Fortunes of the Fearless by @tumbleweedtech (Teen/627/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert is a vicious bastard, and Aiden is lucky enough to be around to appreciate it, even if Lambert's victim is long dead and drowned.

Survival by @kitdubhran (Teen/1,278/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden wakes up in enough pain that he kind of wishes he hadn't. But he does wake up. And we all know who he's gonna go find.

♥️Getting Together & Being Together♥️

Intent by tnico (Teen/18,551/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert does everything in his crotchety (open to interpretation) power to get Aiden to reveal his devious plans and fuck off, except all he wants is to be by Lambert's side. Incredible characterization, funny as hell, and awesome research footnotes.

Bad Blood (Runs True) by @fairytrashmother (Teen/8,368/No Archive Warnings Apply)

The Tournament never happened, and the Cats and Wolves are actually trying to make peace. A young pup and a young kit might just solve their problems

Silver for Monsters by @crimsonherbarium (Explicit/108,559/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

A canon-compliant look at the development of Laiden with awesome cover art and plenty of angst in later chapters. Lambert is slow to trust, so the burn follows thus.

Lacebound by @heronfem (Mature/39,391/Graphic Depictions of Violence)

Lambert and Aiden as young witchers in winter, lacebound by the fucked-up system they live in, and soon, lacebound to each other. Extremely nuanced politics, people, and circumstances, but also something like a college AU, if Bombs 101 was a class

Denial by tnico (Teen/16,989/No Archive Warnings Apply)

This fic quite possibly wins the award for bitchiest Lambert dialogue in existence, and no one loves it more than me and Aiden. They go a-curse-breakin' and have a grand old time together. More awesome research footnotes

Therapeutic Effects by @laurelnose (Teen/900/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert finds Aiden purring himself back to health, and it's mad cute (but also hilarious because Lambert is Lambert)

Fuck Off: A Love Story (In 5+1 Parts) by @skaldingrayne (Mature/17,080/Graphic Depictions of Violence)

Despite all his efforts to appear the contrary, Lambert is just a bit too noble (and then a bit too horny and a bit too in love) to let this mangy Cat die by his own stupidity. He's still gonna bitch about it tho.

i won't say i'm in **** by @purpurred (Mature/5,848/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Keira arranges for a Cat to fulfill one of Lambert's more private fantasies, and Lambert takes it in the worst way possible. That doesn't mean he can stop thinking about the way Aiden held a poisoned knife to his throat.

ease me of its fever by @inexplicifics (Mature/5,226/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Omega Lambert has spent so many years saying absolutely-the-fuck-not-i'll-rip-your-cock-off that it's more than a little difficult to say yes. Aiden is so, so patient.

mountains that are stacked with fear by @xianvar (Mature/11,171/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert, being Lambert, assumes the beautiful love confession he found in Aiden's bag was actually a prank, and lashes out accordingly. He gets his shit together, and his Cat, eventually.

♥️Meeting the Family♥️

Lambert's two orens' man by Ledgea (Teen/1,861/No Archive Warnings Apply)

One part in an incredible series about the slow development of Aiden and Lambert, but it's just a fun bit of Eskel getting to see his baby brother happy

Hide and seek by Ledgea (Mature/6,617/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert sneaks Aiden into Kaer Morhen, and his whole cohort of bastard pups work hard to cover his ass while causing as many problems as witcherly possible; part 1 of 3

a promise to keep by @all-hail-the-witcher (Teen/983/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Tooth-rotting fluff of Aiden in Kaer Morhen, appreciating the effects of good, regular meals on Lambert's physique. Cutagen biscuits are made.

Winter with the Caravan by @damnbert (Teen/14,229/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert goes home with Aiden for a while, and all the other Cats take the opportunity to take the absolute piss out of them both (and maybe do a little matchmaking on the side)

Lambert's Family by @freudensteins-monster (Teen/5,901/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert hides his biological family until he finally feels safe enough not to. They might be growing up around him, but they still welcome him home every year, and they welcome the Wolves and Cats too.

Did he who made the Lamb make thee? by @tumbleweedtech (General Audiences/1,461/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Being the (asshole) older brothers that they are, Geralt and Eskel constantly rib Lambert about being the littlest wolf, and that his mysterious cat must be pint-sized to match. Lambert is happy to prove them wrong.

♥️Good Old Fashioned Smut♥️

wild green wonder by elizabethgee (Explicit/42,554/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Laiden smut in just about every configuration you can think. Sweet and tender, rough and wild, this one has it all. If you like a dom!Aiden and repressed sub!Lambert, this is stellar

Lambert's (Not-So) Mysterious Vial of Oil by @on-a-lucky-tide (Explicit/11,291/No Archive Warnings Apply)

The Lambert-kicks-ass-at-alchemy headcanon applied to sex. He receives (heh), and then passes his glorious knowledge of lube onto a his student, Aiden

Sweeter Than Pride by @blackberrywars (Explicit/2524/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Another self-rec for the f/f lovers. Lambert is a sweet brat and earns herself a spanking so good she cries. Aiden freaks out a little, but after it all, they fall asleep spooned together

An Evening of Frippery by @bard-llama (Explicit/3,105/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert being a power bottom whose gender is "mind your fucking business," but who nonetheless looks fantastic with his exquisitely tailored skirts hiked to his waist

I Like how the day sounds through this new song by Lynge (Explicit/9,222/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Some porn with plot where Aiden forces Lambert to confess to petty theft and also his deep and abiding romantic feelings (in that order).

Problem by elizabethgee (Explicit/1,977/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

In a fic I've just now realized has the exact same premise as one of my wips, Aiden is obsessed with Lambert's thick ass thighs and will do anything to ride them

Cut You Clean by GreenBird (Explicit/4,203/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert loses a bet and has to let Aiden shave him. It has some... interesting effects on him.

Thicker than Water (and Other Poetic Bullshit) by @kushielsmercy (Explicit/2,835/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A mini-character study of Aiden and Lambert through the lens of some filthy blood-play. They're both far more possessive and codependent than they'd want to admit.

Puppies Don't Talk by @damnbert (Explict/8,725/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Very kink-heavy fic of Lambert going fully into subspace and getting to be taken care of for a while. He can't bring himself to really ask for what he wants, but puppies don't talk anyway.

all dressed up (with no place to go) by @childoffantasy (Explicit/6,707/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert fulfills the redhead contract of wearing green and killing it dead, and there's just enough room under his pretty skirt for Aiden to crawl right up it

Thief's Reward by @inexplicifics (Explicit/1,592/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Maybe Lambert shouldn't reward this handsome Cat for stealing his kill, but it's been awhile, and he might as well get something out of the bargain (it's orgasms. and 60% of the corpse profits)

Dichotomy by @tantumuna (Explicit/25,054/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Extremely kink-heavy fic where Aiden and Lambert switch to see whose methods can get Aiden pregnant the fastest.

Kneel For Me by @alllthequeenshorses (Explicit/2,269/No Archive Warning Apply)

Lambert can only really let go with Aiden, and as soon as he can, it's a freefall. Aiden's there to hold him tight. It's some kinky reunion smut, come get a helping.

Catch and Release by @top-notch-swords (Explicit/9,570/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden is deeply possessive and more than willing to manipulate the situation to remind Lambert exactly who he belongs to. Filthy alley sex and a little codependency that they should probably talk about but actually just fuck about

♥️One-Shot Roulette♥️

A Logical Conclusion by @heronfem (Mature/18,674/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Essentially the thesis of Laiden shippers, seeing Lambert's prickly ass and knowing the only logical conclusion is that he must have loved Aiden very deeply, even across space, time, and AUs

Wheel of the Year by @crimsonherbarium (Explicit/20,717/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A series of Lambert and Aiden celebrating the holidays on the outskirts of society, but finding twice the joy for it. Lots of smut, but also sweetness and angst.

You and I (and what we get up to) by @iwillpooponthefloor (Explicit/19,396/No Archive Warnings Apply)

ABCs of Laiden that focus on them as a team of two. They pull off contracts, schemes, and each other, from time to time.

Purr For Me by @round--robin (Explicit/8,407/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A whole bunch of short and sweet snapshots into Laiden. I couldn't put them on this list, but Robin has a lot of other fics combining Laiden with other ships.

♥️Modern AUs♥️

A Beginners Guide to Exploiting the Kaedweni Tax Code For Fun and Profit by @heronfem (Mature/167,193/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Lambert and Aiden get accidentally married and decide to make it work for the tax benefits. And then they fall in love. And work through trauma. And get a cat. And it's gorgeously written.

What Happens at Waffle House by Anoke (Teen/1,993/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

The rituals are intricate, and Lambert's sometimes involve mutual combat with the Waffle House line cook. Somehow, the feral gremlin gets a date out of it.

All those wonders sit in wait for us by Theladyknight23 (Teen/14,847/No Archive Warnings Apply)

My fellow fem!Laiden crusader with a delightful modern take on witchers as a combination between truckers and pest control workers. Americana themes and the best additional tag ever: "love is like bread."

The Bark that's to Your Bite by @theimpressionablelizard (Explicit/12,976/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Where Lambert is Deadpool pre-mutation and he falls in bounty hunter love with Aiden, who I personally imagine looks like Dev Patel from the Green Knight. A little romance, a little co-worker wolves, and lots of swearing.

Three Cats Walk Into A Bar by @halehathnofury (Teen/2,607/No Archive Warnings Apply

Inspired by the lovely @whyzowl's art, it's the Wolves + Ciri dressing Lambert up to get him laid, and Aiden taking the bait.

Helpless, Feckless, Far Too Young by @keirametzbrassknuckles (Mature/14,605/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

The Wolves are a traveling group after a death in the family, and Lambert is so fucking sick of them acting like nothing is wrong. He meets Aiden, and they get on like a fairgound on faire. Written by my personal mistress of angst.

♥️Miscellaneous♥️

Once, Again by @brighteyedjill (Mature/4,521/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Aiden has to save Lambert in a time loop without explaining anything, but we all know Lambert doesn't trust easy. Sometimes the simplest solution is the right one.

The Art of Living by Ledgea (Explicit/25,636/Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Lambert loving people as the story of an art gallery, a skill honed from his cohort to his brothers to Aiden, The Damn Cat, when he makes his appearance.

Fields of color by @witcherscrane (Mature/2,057/Major Character Death)

In the wake of Aiden's death, Lambert follows a beautiful illusion with a smile on his face. His brothers help him find rest.

Give Us A Smile by @etcorsolus (Mature/2,945/No Archive Warnings Apply)

A 5+1 of Aiden making Lambert smile. Textual adaptation of that one post "look at you! you're so handsome when you're not being a bitch."

The Basics by @kushielsmercy (Mature/375/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden gets possessed, and Lambert has a choice to make. Ambiguous ending.

Ashes in His Mouth by Faetality (Mature/3,924/Graphic Depictions of Violence)

Fear makes humans cruel. It makes them not care who gets tied to the stake, so long as they can breathe easy while the victim drowns in smoke. Or, Lambert suffers, and Aiden watches.

remember me as i was not as i am by @all-hail-the-witcher (Explicit/40,248/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Aiden has been dead for a very long time, long enough that Lambert has long since forgotten his face. It's just in time for a beautiful man with green eyes to break in through his window and ask for his services.

Deafening Silence by @wolf-and-bard (Explicit/13,230/No Archive Warnings Apply)

Destiny is a stubborn bitch, but it hasn't Lambert, who doesn't give a rat's ass that he's never meant to see Aiden again.

A Spot of Blood by MsThunderFrost (Explicit/3,440, No Archive Warnings Apply)

How the phrase "Pops didn't raise a quitter" turns into a "sex sent me to the ER" story for Lambert, because he's a stubborn bastard who would rather injure himself than communicate.

——————————————————————————————

Let me say a few things outright, because I want zero drama.

This reclist is for the benefit of Laiden fans, and is not meant as a criticism of any other ship or fic.

The fics chosen for this reclist are only ones I have read. It is by no means comprehensive, and definitely favors older fics, since that was when I was deepest in the fandom.

I actually had to cut this short because I hit some kind of content block limit, which. Oh welp. If anyone wants me to remove their fic from this list for any reason, PM me and I'll do it asap

[catscraftsandcommentary]

I need Lambert/Milena in a Shrek AU.

Just imagine with me:

Duke de Roggeven insults a powerful wizard (we all know he would - he'd be lucky if it was only ONE) who then curses his daughters. All three of them.

(ETA: he pissed off Yennefer. Probably insulted her mixed elven heritage and/or her inability to have kids, so she went "alright. Let's see how you feel when YOUR daughters are inhuman and infertile monsters.")

By night, each of them transforms into a different non-human humanoid: Marta is a succubus (all her lust for power and a crown turned into a different kind of lust - and we'll pretend that succubi *can* live without sex, but they feel sick and hungry the whole time), Marika is an elf (still elegant and pretty, but inhuman enough to shock everyone - Marika didn't piss off Yennefer), and Milena is a witcher (Yennefer saw her strength and kindness and went "this suits you.")

Marta, of course, spends the entire time being FURIOUS at being some "sex obsessed half goat! I am the daughter of a DUKE! The ELDEST DAUGHTER! How dare she!" Marika isn't happy, per se, but she privately goes "it could be a LOT worse. I'll take it." Milena actually enjoys her new abilities - she's so strong! Her senses are much sharper! - and the eyes are rather pretty.

After being COMPLETELY HORRIFIED that his daughters (well, mostly Marta) are cursed to become non-humans by night, Duke de Roggeven locks them in a castle guarded by a dragon and then pretends that he's sent them abroad to stay with distant relatives.

Meanwhile, Marta is getting on EVERYONE'S last nerve with her constant bitching, Marika is trying to keep their lifestyle as pleasant as possible, and Milena...

Milena befriends the dragon. She thinks Villentretenmerth is fascinating, and when she learns that the three ladies who showed up to help the sisters are also dragons, she wants to learn as much as they can teach her.

(Marta refuses to acknowledge any of them. "I will not consort with beasts," she sniffs hautily, and locks herself in a private bedroom every night before sunset.)

So! Back in Redania, Duke de Roggeven has convinced everyone that Yennefer's line about "whoever breaks the curse will gain a treasure greater than gold or gems" means that they can gain literal treasure (and/or magical treasure) by rescuing and marrying his daughters, and not - to take an example COMPLETELY at random - their true love as a bride.

(Yes, true love is the cure. Of course it is.)

So the asshole king of Kaedwen hears about the supposed princess and holds a huge tournament - and Lambert shows up because "that fucker dumped a bunch of refugees in our mountains, the fucking bastard. Who does that?!"

Jaskier, being one of the refugees - and also a bard who can sense the potential for a good story - insists on coming with him. They 100% do the "Donkey won't stop singing until Shrek snaps at him to shut up - and then he hums" scene.

About five times.

(Geralt and Eskel either stayed home to help Vesemir manage the refugees or hang around the Kaedweni court to remind the king of his promise - and make sure he doesn't get any even WORSE ideas.)

(Lambert REFUSED to stay in Kaer Morhen when Vesemir was being bossy - "I get enough of him riding my damn ass during fucking winter, NO GODSDAMNED WAY." And his brothers very sensibly refused to let him stay in court longer than absolutely necessary because, uh, they've MET Lambert and they know exactly how badly it would go. So he gets rescue duty by default. At least the princess will be happy to get to Ard Carraigh and away from him. They send Jaskier with him to try to temper some of his, uh, Lambert-ness.)

Anyway! Lambert and Jaskier arrive at the tumbledown castle guarded by a dragon, and Jaskier is immediately like "oh how wonderful! How majestic! Look at that wingspan!" And Lambert is like "...remember how we're here to fight the bastard? We have to GET PAST HIM to rescue whatever noble bint got stuck out here."

Jaskier pouts.

Villentretenmerth finds all this terribly amusing, especially since he recognizes a witcher when he sees one. So he sticks his nose in their camp and asks (rumbles) "what makes you think that even a witcher can defeat the greatest and oldest of dragonkind?"

So Jaskier introduces them - as dramatically and fancily as possible - and states that they are here to rescue the princess.

Milena creeps out from Villentretenmerth's wing. "We are the daughters of the Duke de Roggeven, and there are three of us. I hope you will still take us home?"

Villentretenmerth sighs. This girl. Always getting underfoot. "I will let you take the ladies with you - but you must convince them to leave freely. If they refuse - now or later - I will take them back."

"He sent THREE girls to some remote fucking castle? Fucker. Yeah, I'll take you all. Jask, let's find 'em and get out of here."

So Milena leads them up to the tallest tower where her sisters spend their day. I can't decide if I want Marta to do the whole "sleeping beauty waiting for a kiss" thing (assuming that JASKIER is her princely rescuer and Lambert is just there as a guard.) If she does, she'll get a rude surprise when Lambert shakes her awake and tells her to pack anything she's taking with her, they're LEAVING.

So the guys get the ladies and lead them out - pretending to ignore the hissing and squabbling that said ladies are doing behind the men's backs - and are unhappily surprised AGAIN because not only are their rescuer(s) NOT a prince and his retinue, they don't even have HORSES.

The dragons, of course, are watching this with amusement...and no little relief at getting rid of Miss Complainer the Eldest.

I'm gonna say it takes less than two days for Marta and Lambert to have a truly nasty fight. She wants a horse. A private carriage, really, but she'll SETTLE for a horse. Purebred, obviously. And fashionable new dresses, and BATHS, and food cooked in an actual KITCHEN, and a private bedroom from sundown to sunrise, and...

Lambert is just like "look lady, I don't get any reward until I deliver you, I don't have the coin for any of that, and I wouldn't waste on stupid fucking luxuries if I did."

This does not go over well. At all. There are very angry words shouted about his lack of preparation, decorum, breeding, proper dress...the list is endless.

Lambert gives exactly zero shits.

Milena is watching the fight with interest - she finds him FASCINATING - and Marika is mostly trying to stay out of it. She agrees with Marta on most of the points - their tower-castle was reasonably comfortable, certainly more so than this long hike back to civilization - but also, freedom.

If only they were returning home instead of to a strange country...

Which is about when Villentretenmerth - as the human Borsch - walks into their camp, accompanied by the three dragon woman who have been tending to the sisters. "Marchionesses. Wolf. Bard. I warned you I would take the ladies back if they wished to leave your company."

"The TOWER is better than staying with this BARBARIAN," Marta sniffs. "And Father arranged for marriages for Marika and I already!"

(She knows she gets the crown prince - and she knows that Kaedwen's king is a murderous asshole. Being queen doesn't count if she's not alive to enjoy it...and she won't have allies there to help her plot regicide. She's ambitious, not stupid.)

Somehow, it works out that Borsch and his friends take Marta and Marika back while Lambert and Jaskier continue to Kaedwen with Milena. There is ABSOLUTELY a scene where Lambert is out hunting when bandits try to attack the supposedly unguarded noblewoman and bard, and Milena thoroughly kicks their ass.

Lambert runs back just in time to be HELLA aroused impressed at Milena. Jaskier is already composing an ode to her.

They arrive at Ard Carraigh. Stuck up knights send for the king, who pretends he's a decent person long enough to carry Milena off on a fancy horse. Half an hour later, just as Lambert is moping about losing his new friend, his brothers arrive and go "quick, where's the lady? We have to get out her out of here!"

A very confusing but short explanation-argument later, Eskel and Geralt are chasing after Lambert as he storms the royal palace BY HIMSELF, because like hell will he leave Milena to that monster!

The confrontation is absolutely the most dramatic thing Ard Carraigh has seen in decades, with the witchers storming in just after Milena is crowned but before she can kiss her new husband...

...whom Lambert immediately punches in the face. "HOW MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU KILLED?!? HOW MANY, ASSHOLE? Did you even bother to COUNT THEM?"

Everyone gasps. Eskel and Geralt keep the guards back with drawn swords.

"NO MORE! I *WILL NOT* let you murder Milena for your sick fucking games!"

The king tries to splutter something, but Lambert takes his head off before he can get it out.

And then the sun sets.

And Milena...changes.

Scars from her training with the dragons, greater muscles than any noblewoman should have, and her eyes...

She shrieks - not at the king's death or the witchers' violence, but at her own secret coming out. She's hidden it for so long, and so carefully...she'll never survive this. The Kaedweni court will turn her out, if they don't execute her with her (very briefly) husband -

And then Lambert takes her hand.

"Milena? Are you...okay? Did they hurt you? What happened?"

"I'm CURSED! My sisters and I are cursed - for years now!"

He looks at her. "Y'look fine to me. It suits you."

"Really?"

"I wouldn't lie to you. Never have, never will. And I think you look - good. Really good. The dress is kinda silly - "

Milena giggles. She thought the same thing, when her maids were lacing and buttoning her into the massive thing.

"But YOU are gorgeous. Always have been."

"You still like me? Even..."

"As mutated and scarred up as I am? I'd have to be a fool not to. You're the bravest, strongest, most amazing woman I've ever met."

And she kisses him. She has to, can't hold it back.

(Cue the curse breaking - and leaving her as a witcher.)

Obviously there's cleanup, but Milena IS the queen, and is suddenly betrothed to the man who killed the murderous previous king - so it works out.

And then Villentretenmerth comes back.