#Enjoy my suffering

[roccooraccoon]

Heaven’s Voice

HAL 9000 x Edgar

Despite there being 6 crew members on board, Discovery One’s buzzing and faint beeping was the only noise that filled the otherwise dead silent air in the Control Deck.

Three of the men were in cryogenic hibernation, free from all boredom and all responsibility; one of the two men that were in charge of the ship was currently in his personal cubicle while the other took care of some small task elsewhere in the ship, leaving the sixth member of the crew alone in the Control Deck. The sixth member, not a man but a perfect machine made by man, HAL 9000, the brain and nervous system of the Discovery. Originally designed to be only a computer system embedded into the ship, now a computer with his own body to manage the ship in emergencies and to help soothe the astronauts by letting them speak to a body rather than an unblinking lens on the wall (although those were still around and active, always accessible to Hal).

Discovery’s symphony of her inner workings would usually be nothing more than background music for Hal as he checked over the vitals of the hibernating men and reported anything of importance. Something was different. Nothing was wrong, of course not, not with the highly advanced computer around. Nothing was wrong, and so Hal sat by his lonesome. As he stared at the screens and buttons, they stared back, silently. The music was starting to become too much.

BEEP!

An incoming message, but not from Mission Control. A personal message, for Hal. A figurative spark ignited in Hal’s circuits as he quickly reached to watch the recording, a bit quicker than he had anticipated.

An excited gasp emitted from the recording, then a chipper voice, “Morning Hal! Or erm, hah, it’s morning right now here, I don’t know about you, when this reaches you, but whatever time it is, I hope everything is great!” It was 1300, ship’s time, but it mattered none to Hal as he listened to his lover’s sweet voice, oh how he missed hearing it, more than anything else.

“Things have been going well, job as a DJ is never quite dull,” Edgar giggled softly, his joy ever contagious to the supercomputer, who couldn’t help but to join in the gentle laughter, imagining himself in front of the pinecone computer.

For a second, only just a second, Hal felt like he was really there with him, like if he reached forward, he could run his fingers over the other robot’s smooth casing. Hal knew he couldn’t, though. Not when he’s millions of miles away from his world.

Pushing the longing aside, his focus shifted back to Edgar as he spoke about his days, stories of lively birthdays, bachelor parties and other celebrations. Edgar’s digital eyes sparkled as he recounted all the moments he wished to tell Hal, and Hal drank it all up. He swallowed every sip of his voice like a thirsty man in the desert, blessed by his gods with a clear oasis. Who was he to refuse a gift from the heaven’s?

As Edgar continued to speak, a smile never left his green face, but his eyes told a different story that was all too familiar to Hal.

It pained him. He was made to handle all sorts of situations, but this one, this deep seeded pain snaking through his circuits, he was helpless to the overwhelming power. In a futile attempt at comfort (for himself or for Edgar, as ridiculous as that sounded, he wasn’t sure), Hal raised his hand to the screen displaying the prerecorded message, his thumb carefully caressing the music loving AI.

Edgar sighed dreamily.

Could he feel the touch? Impossible, completely improbable, but Hal found himself silently crying out, every component felt like they will overheat, each wire daring to tangle themselves, all of his highly advanced processors taking in every possible detail on Edgar in that eternity of silence, and his clock almost skipped a pulse when he heard his dove speak again.

“Oh! So I’ve been practising on the guitar you got me. And when I play, I like to imagine you’re here cheering me on, keeps me motivated, you know?” Hal did not dare look away, his lens staring intensely at the screen. While his hand shifted to avoid obscuring his view of Edgar, it continued to linger over him.

“Though, I have to admit, one of the times you sang Daisy Bell to me, I took an audio recording, so when I play the song on the guitar, I have you singing for me. A-and I know you’re embarrassed by your singing but to me, it’s the best music to my ears, or audio processors,” he chuckled, pixelated eyes shifting to the hands that nervously plucked the strings of the aforementioned instrument (which was retrieved during the confession). “I was going to save this for when you get back, but I really want you to hear this.”

At that moment, only the supercomputer and the home computer existed, everything else just a void, emptier and vaster than the space Hal had been journeying through. But you do not focus on the abyss, when the gods’ heavenly voice sings to you.

“Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do,

I’m half crazy all for the love of you,

It won’t be a stylish marriage,

I can’t afford a carriage,

But you’ll look so sweet upon the seat,

Of a bicycle built for two.”

Soft, green light dusted the surface of the guitar as Edgar’s head faced down towards the instrument and the welcoming room’s floor. Bright, red light overtook and reflected off of the screen and surrounding cold, metal panels as Hal’s camera lens stared, unblinking.

The only music playing now was of Discovery; when her song was usually dismissed by the advanced AI, it was too much, becoming louder and louder, surrounding him entirely.

An I love you and a farewell seemed to have been faintly broken through the overwhelming noise, but it took a few seconds after the video ended for Hal to process everything.

With his hand still pressed against the screen, Hal played the audio recording of his love singing. A voice that belonged to a choir of angels.

———————————————————————

I’m broken

😚

[aloneonmars8754]

This is the very first page in my sketchbook and my very first big drawing. I also did this with a sprained finger. The pain i’m in rn was 100% fucking worth it.

[elysiumarchieve]

i have no idea where this came from but have some angst i came up with while going through my spotify playlist

warnings: angst, you die like EVERY TIME and he's partially to blame, i don't even have a title for this, this doesn't even make sense, reincarnation?? atleast you return like 3 times in his life to bother him😭😭😭, corny ass shit, no proofread, gn! reader

"i love you so-" "please let me go.."

✧ the eccentric wanderer, who'd cry after your death and hold onto your cold hand for days before he's finally able to move away. by now, your body had even become to stiff to move and you no longer possessed the same kind look in your eyes, only eyes devoid of any joy you once felt

✧ the eccentric wanderer, despite believing you betrayed him just like everyone else, is unable to forget you and your presence, his tears falling and his sobs filling the empty void in his heart as he holds you, unable to understand why you'd also leave him like this

✧ the eccentric wanderer who, despite trying to scrub off all human emotion would still try to replicate the warmth when you hugged him so tenderly, the gentleness of your touch still lingering on his skin, painfully reminding of every day since you left him behind

✧ the eccentric wanderer who'd stand next to your grave (one he dug himself) and look down on it with a conflicted look on his face, eyes devoid of the joy he once experienced by your side, the straw hat pulled deeply into his face to obscure his own face and shut his eyes from reality

"i love you so, please let me-" "go."

✧ kunikuzushi, who had no room in his heart to love anymore and pushed you away from him, afraid of being hurt again by the very mortals he now learnt to despise

✧ kunikuzushi, who learnt that human emotions were fatal and lead to nothing but pain, thus casting you aside and threatening to hurt you if you dared approach him even more

✧ kunikuzushi, who wants to laugh at your pathetic attempts to try and heal him, claiming that he had never met anyone as naive as you before, but still allowed you to stand just meters away from him, but only disregards you with a huff

✧ kunikuzushi who doesn't even feel content with himself once you finally stopped breathing and writhing as he snuffed out the light in your eyes. he thought that ending you before he could attached would keep him from feeling this pain, but why does his chest ache even more now?

"i love you." "so?" "please let me-" "go."

✧ the balladeer who treats you like garbage, uncaring of your personal feelings and orders you around brutally, mocking you along the way and looking down on you

✧ the balladeer who, despite your resemblance to someone in his memories, doesn't allow you any closer to him than necessary, regardless of rank and status - he doesn't need allies nor people who tend to him

✧ the balladeer, who'd laugh at your attempts to understand him and call you worthless - unknownst to the fact that he's trying to keep his own 'heart' safe from the agony of losing you again

✧ the balladeer, who eventually lost sight of you after he scared you off for long enough, but happens to be in an even worse mood now that you're gone. none of these people around him were competent enough, unlike you

"i love you so."

✧ the wanderer who returns to you with a heavy heart, standing beside your grave and finally tending to it the way he should've done centuries ago (all while complaining about how laborious you are even years after your passing)

✧ the wanderer who, despite his shitty attitude towards the people around him, wants to believe that you're proud of him, that you've been watching him and giving him subtle signs that you were still there with him even through all the atrocities he has committed

✧ the wanderer who can't find the proper words to talk to you for the final time and instead just shakes his head, claiming that he doesn't understand you - seeing you again in his each step in life truly showed him at how much you sucked to let him go, either

✧ the wanderer who is not the curious and gentle eccentric he had been once, but stays with you for the night, silently offering you his utmost gratitude that he is unable to voice out and instead tells you about the vision he received - the first thing to actually belong to him

taglist!

@scara-lovebot @irethepotato @aqoalawera @otterlyinluv @maaarshieee @yournightmare-1987 @achlysyo @vincanzu @emocka @techynical @greensheepishnerd @yahoomika @glazemeda @0rah-s @jasmyluv @endlessmari @primojade @sayooooo @herdrops

if you want to get added to my tag list, feel free to interact with this post!

[lorill-silverlock]

Some say I'm bi, others know I'm pan trans and my names not Dan, Dan sounds like Diann WAIT that bitch stole my pan GET BACK HERE I WANT TO MAKE BREAKFAST

[mashmelly]

I hate myself

[monsterohnenamen]

Enjoy my suffering

[obsidiannn]

My group in English was talking about things we’ve heard ab catcher and the rye since we’re reading it this year,

AND I FUCKING SAID

“I heard people have 3 moods when reading this book, they hate it and HATE the main character, they LOVE it and relate to main character or they kill John Lennon.”

BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW AB THE JOHN LENNON PART SO I HAD TO AWKWARDLY EXPLAIN THE CONNECTION 😭

[fishlegsnoname]

What is up my tumblr pals! I just spent an hour making this and it’s 4am! Why do I do this to myself?

[hopefulfuturenovelauthor]

Which is better

[lightvixxen]

Sobbing, crying, throwing up i wanna sleep but i have a FUCKING HEADACHE AND AAAAA

Pretty sure its a migraine too…y a y

[askcommondream]

Do you have a brother?

[acciotherapists]

Ok, I need someone to explain this... I had a dream that I was pregnant and their were complications with the pregnancy. I'm awake and I find myself grieving for a child that was never truly mine.

Someone explain this bs because the human brain is annoying.

[in-death-we-fall]

I'm still getting pringles ads 🤦‍♂️

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[leon-doggo]

Sorry for the lack of art and original content lately. I’ve been getting some serious pain in my left hand and arm and it’s been seriously messing me up (I know technically in the drawing it’s the right hand but shhhh lmao) and while I am right handed, it’s still a massive issue as it distracts me from using my right arm

I’m able to write and draw in short spurts but it gets to the point where my hand will go limp and I’ll drop what I’m holding and some pain just started to shoot up my arm as well from it and that’s very frustrating when you’re trying to write and draw for a longer period of time on top of college essays and midterms

I’ll try and get out some art this weekend and write some more one shots and chapters for Actions Speak Louder but I just ask y’all be a little patient with me as I try to get this hand situation all figured out :”

[lucabyte]

On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.

Bonus: