#Eddie had a whole mental breakdown

[lover-of-mine]

It's been 62 episodes since the last time Buck and Eddie hugged. If you even care.

[steddiehyperfixation]

don't you forget about me (part six)

(part one)(part two)(part three)(part four)(part five)

Steve allows himself a brief mental breakdown in the shower when he gets home. He lets the water mix with his tears as he curls his arms around himself and wishes with everything he is that they were Eddie’s. There’s nothing he wouldn’t give right now just to be held by him again, just to feel Eddie’s arms around him one more time. All it took was a tiny kiss on the back of his hand for Steve’s skin to remember just how much it missed that feeling. Now Steve’s entire body craves Eddie’s touch, and he shakes in its absence like an addict in withdrawal. 

Then he puts himself back together, gets dressed and styles his hair and heads off to work. 

They’d defeated Vecna before he could split the world into pieces or whatever his diabolical plan had been. So while Steve’s whole world may have been torn apart, while Steve’s whole world lays bruised and bandaged and amnesic in a hospital bed, the rest of the world carries on none the wiser. The rest of the world still rents VHS tapes and has movie nights and date nights and no fucking clue that they were seconds away from being dragged down into a hell dimension a couple weeks ago, so Family Video is still open for them. Fuck that. 

“You’ve gotta handle the customers today because if someone starts asking me stupid questions I can’t promise I won’t snap at them,” Steve tells Robin as he drives them to their shift. 

“Aw, but it’s so funny when you snap at them,” Robin quips. 

“Robin.” He gives her his best I’m so fucking serious look. 

Her humor dries up immediately and she nods solemnly. “Alright, yeah. I got it.” 

Steve sighs, pulling into the parking lot. “Thank you.” 

He busies himself with cataloging and reshelving and rewinding returns while Robin takes over the customer service part of the job. It’s mindless - mind-numbing - the monotony of the tasks exactly what Steve needs to dull out the thoughts in his brain and distract himself from the way the back of his hand still tingles from Eddie’s kiss. 

When the afternoon rush dies down after a few hours and the store is all but empty, Robin sidles up next to him where he’s putting away a stack of fantasy films. “Hey.” 

Her voice cuts through his focus and nearly startles Steve out of his skin. “Jesus! Don’t sneak up on me like that.” 

“Sorry.” She grabs half the stack of tapes and starts helping him shelve. “Just wanted to check in with you, we haven’t gotten much of a chance to talk today. How are things going with Eddie?” 

“It’s fine. He’s fine,” Steve grumbles, glaring down at the tape in his hands. It’s got a dragon on the cover. He thinks Eddie would probably like it. “He still doesn’t remember me, but he’s starting to see me as a friend now at least, so.” Steve shoves the movie into its spot on the shelf. “That’s something, right?” 

Robin raises her eyebrows at the sharp bitterness in his tone and how forcefully he put the tape away. “Okay. Yeah. So I see we’re in the anger stage of grief now,” she comments. 

Steve scoffs. If this is a stage of grief, he thinks he’s been going through them in the wrong order, or maybe all at once - a neverending ebb and flow of denial and anger and depression all swirled together into one fucked up cocktail of grief. “I’m not angry,” he says, rubbing his hands over his face. “I’m just tired- emotionally burnt out, I don’t know. I just miss him and it’s not fair and I’m so fucking sick of feeling like this.” 

“Yeah, that’s anger, Steve,” Robin says, infuriatingly blunt. She slides the last tape in her stack into its place and then leans against the shelf. “Did something else happen to set this off, or are you just generally overwhelmed?” 

Steve sags against the shelf beside her. “Both. I don’t know. It’s stupid, it’s so fucking stupid. He just- he kissed my hand this morning, that’s it, and it wrecked me.” 

“He what?” Robin questions, curiosity widening her eyes. 

“He kissed my hand,” Steve repeats. He sighs and adds context, gives her a full recount of the events of that morning.

“Oh my god?!” Robin practically squawks as she backhands Steve’s arm, which is definitely not the comforting words or touch he needs from her right now. 

“Ow!” he yelps, rubbing his arm. “What the hell was that for?” 

“Dude. He was flirting with you,” she tells him, eyes even wider now like she’s trying to explain to him something obvious. 

“What? No.” Steve shakes his head, looking at her like she’s crazy. “He definitely wasn’t.” 

“Ughhh,” Robin lets out a long, dramatic groan, dragging her hands down her cheeks and pulling down her eyes. “I cannot do this with you two again. He totally was.” She drops her hands from her face so she can use them to illustrate her point as she starts to lists off, “First of all, he literally called you daddy-” 

“As a joke,” Steve interrupts to protest. 

“Yeah, a flirtatious one,” Robin retorts. She continues, “Then he said you have a magic touch, and then his heart literally started racing for no reason-”

“Because I was stressing him out!” 

“Only after his heart rate went up in the first place, which, as I was saying, was for no reason other than the fact that you were smiling at him and holding his hand-” 

“That literally doesn’t-” 

“And then, he kissed your hand - pressed his lips to your skin - and told you that you were his good luck charm,” Robin finishes, looking smug like she’s said something novel and not just completely reiterated exactly what Steve had just told her only with more emphasis. 

He sighs wearily. “Your point?” 

“He likes you, dingus,” she says, whacking his arm again. “Don’t you get it? His mind may not remember still, but his heart is starting to.”

Steve doesn’t know what to do with that. A lump rises in his throat, a rush of jumbled emotions chafing against his already frayed edges. “Don’t say that. You don’t know that.”

“I think you should tell him what you were to each other,” Robin suggests. 

“Right, yeah, okay, sure,” Steve scoffs, somewhere between sarcastic and hysterical. “And while we’re at it, I think you should tell Vickie that you like her. Because telling people things like that is so easy, isn’t it?” 

Robin gives him a withering stare. “That is not the same thing at all, and you know it.”

“No, yeah, you’re right,” he agrees. “Because I know Eddie, and he would not take that news well. He already gets a little weird whenever I seem to know too much about him - if I tell him I know him biblically too-” 

“Ew, don’t tell him like that!” 

“Doesn’t matter if I tell him like that; I say we’ve been together for 9 months, he’s going to assume we’ve-” 

“God, okay, I get it!”

“See? It would freak him out,” Steve concludes, crossing his arms. “Even if he does…like me again or whatever, he definitely wouldn’t anymore and it would just generally make him uncomfortable. So I can’t tell him. I just have to keep waiting for him to remember on his own, even though it’s fucking killing me,” he says, his voice harsh as he tries to keep it from breaking. “It’s what’s best for Eddie.” 

“Steve-” Robin starts, frowning like she’s only just beginning to realize she may have pushed him too far, but whatever it is she was going to say is cut off by the ringing of the bell that announces the front door being open. 

“Customers.” Steve points his chin towards the couple who just walked in, a bitter jealousy boiling in his stomach as he watches them walk hand in hand towards the romance aisle. It’s not fucking fair. He shoves himself away from the shelves and mutters, “I’m taking my break.”

He stalks to the breakroom, closes the door, and sinks to the floor with his back against it. The tears in his eyes feel like they’re made of acid, like they would carve tracks into his skin if they were to spill down his cheeks. He wraps his arms around himself again. The thoughts in his head are made of acid too, bitter and burning and cursing everyone who gets to enjoy their lover's touch while he suffers without his. 

Steve’s brain feels corroded, corrupted. “He likes you,” Robin’s words echo there too, “his mind may not remember still, but his heart is starting to.” Would Eddie touch him now if he asked? Would he trace his fingers across Steve’s skin, kiss more than just the back of his hand? Steve digs his own fingers into his sides. He feels gross, he feels rotten. It wouldn’t be right to ask that of Eddie without him knowing the truth, to take advantage of him like that. It wouldn’t be the same, anyways. The superficial touch of a boy with the beginnings of a crush is not the tender lover’s caress that Steve craves. 

That is if Robin is even right about Eddie redeveloping feelings. Which she probably isn’t.

Steve’s just being stupid and selfish again. He wants to remove his brain from his skull so he can stop thinking, tear his heart from his chest so he can stop feeling; both so burned and decayed he thinks if he held them in his hands they would dissolve and crumble to dust and ash and sludge between his fingers. 

Fifteen minutes pass, and Steve forces himself to be fine. He peels himself off the breakroom floor and returns to work, continues the tedious tasks that he hopes will numb him out again. 

Robin catches his eye from across the room where she’s sorting a customer’s cash at the register. I’m sorry, her expression says, I didn’t mean to make you upset. 

Steve gives a tiny shake of his head and a small smile. It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault, his own expression reassures her. You meant well. I’m not mad at you. 

They don’t talk about Eddie again that day. The next time there’s a lull in customers and they’re able to chat again, Steve tells Robin he honestly just needs a distraction right now, and he lets her ramble on about Vickie and band and school and her impending graduation and the movie she watched last night and whatever other random thoughts are bouncing around that hyperactive head of hers. Her voice fills in the cracks in Steve’s brain, keeps it from falling apart completely. She’s always been good at that, and he’s grateful for it. 

Then he drops Robin off after work and he drives away alone in silence because all the songs on the radio are love songs, and he drives back to the hospital - back to the source of his grief again and again like some sort of fucking masochist - because Eddie needs him. Because Steve loves him.

~

Eddie cannot help the way his face all but beams the second Steve walks back into his room that evening. “There you are, Stevie! How was work?”

Steve returns the smile, genuine, but there’s a tiredness to it. “It was alright. Bit boring, really, uneventful. How are you doing?” 

“I’m good,” Eddie says, adding with a jaunty grin, “All the better now that you’re back.” 

It comes out a bit more flirtatious than he intended, but thankfully Steve just laughs it off. “Alright, smoothtalker,” he scoffs through a chuckle as he takes his usual seat by the bed. “It’s nice to see you again too.”

“Oh, the actual doctor came in to talk to me today. Good news, don’t worry,” Eddie tells him, the last bit tacked on quickly before that concerned crease can appear between Steve’s brows. “She says I’m healing up nicely, and I might be able to be discharged soon. A few more days’ observation and then they're gonna see how well I can actually move since, you know, the bats chewed through half the muscles in one of my legs. But, yeah, I could be out of here by the end of next week.” 

“That’s great, Eddie!” Steve brightens. 

“Yeah.” Eddie smiles. “I can’t wait to be somewhere familiar, feel normal again. Or, well,” he amends, smile falling a little as he realizes, “as normal as I can feel given that I’ll probably be walking with a limp for the rest of my life and be covered in nasty scars all over.” 

A strange expression crosses Steve’s face then, something happy and sad and sympathetic all at once, and his voice is soft as he says, “We’ll match.” 

Eddie blinks at him. “What?”

“The scars,” Steve clarifies. “The bats got me too, you know. I was lucky, it wasn’t as bad for me as it was for you, but, uh- yeah, we’ll match. See?” He stands and pulls his shirt up a bit. 

Eddie’s heart rate immediately kicks up again, blood growing warm, as his eyes snap to Steve’s stomach, to skin and muscle and body hair and- oh. Two giant, jagged red scabs cover Steve’s sides, the edges fading into skin bumpy and pink and white with the beginnings of scarring. The bite on Eddie’s own side twinges in sympathy. “That’s-” He swallows back the word hot, and breathes out instead, “Holy shit.” Without really thinking, he finds himself reaching out to skim his fingers over the ridges of Steve’s scars. 

Steve gasps - full body shudders - at the touch, and Eddie instantly pulls his hand back, afraid he’s hurt him. “Sorry,” he mutters.

“No, it’s fine,” Steve manages, though it sounds a bit shaky. “You didn’t hurt me, I just- I wasn’t expecting it.” 

Eddie tentatively starts to reach back out; Steve nods. He slowly traces the outline of the wound again, every uneven edge, feeling the evidence of hurt and the evidence of healing and the ripple of each breath Steve takes - breaths that echo in the quiet that falls between them. Eddie doesn’t realize just how intimate this silence has become as he runs his hands across Steve’s skin, until he glances up to find Steve just…watching him. It’s impossible to tell exactly what emotion is behind his eyes, but it’s intense and it’s devastating, and Eddie suddenly feels like he can’t breathe. 

“Uh-” A nervous laugh stutters out of him. He rescinds his touch. “Twin scars, huh?” he remarks, cracking a crooked smile and attempting to change this strange, suffocating energy with a joke. “Hell of a matching tattoo. Next time let’s just exchange friendship bracelets like normal people do, yeah?”

Steve huffs, a short burst of laughter that escapes from his chest like it’s been punched out of him. “Since when have you ever done anything like a normal person?” he teases in return as he pulls his shirt back down.

Just like that, blown away by Steve’s playful smile, the weird tension lifts. Eddie grins back. “Alright, fair point.” He adds, “Those are gonna be some pretty metal scars, Stevie.”

“Not as metal as yours,” Steve says warmly, settling back in his chair and kicking one leg over the other. “You’re the one that literally survived death, Ed. It doesn’t get any more metal than that.” 

“Now who’s the smoothtalker?” Eddie smirks, and he hopes he isn’t blushing. Steve Harrington calling him metal with so much pride and affection in his voice is doing numbers on his heart. Curse this stupid fucking crush.

Steve eyes divert briefly to the heart monitor, which has not once calmed down since the second he’d lifted up his shirt, and Eddie is so sure that he knows then, that he’s finally made the connection between what’s got Eddie’s heart racing, but he doesn’t say anything, just laughs it off again, smiling like everything’s completely normal as he looks back at Eddie and rolls his eyes and mutters in return, “Shut up.” 

“Make me,” Eddie mumbles, not quick enough to bite back the words before they fall from his mouth, only managing to lower his voice enough that maybe Steve didn’t hear him. 

“What?” 

“TV?” Eddie grabs the remote, pretends like that’s what he’d said in the first place. Real smooth. 

“Oh, sure.” Steve shrugs. If he noticed Eddie’s slip, he gives no indication of it. 

Eddie turns on the TV and they spend the next hour or so laughing and making fun of the bad acting on the show that’s playing. Easy, normal, platonic. Eddie’s heart rate stabilizes, remaining even so long as he doesn’t look too long at Steve’s smile. 

When sleep starts lapping at Eddie’s consciousness, he doesn’t fear it anymore. Silently, he holds out his hand, and Steve takes it, wrapping him in the warmth and protection that allows Eddie to let himself drift off undaunted. 

And in his dreams his hands skate across Steve’s skin again.

(part seven)

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[kcsplace]

Eddie, head over heels for Steve and all at sea about how to deal with that, asks Steve for advice on how to date.

Steve, equally besotted and equally stupid, agrees despite his Robin's qualms about the whole thing.  He knows its moronic to do it to himself, to prepare Eddie to date someone else but if it means getting to spend more time with his friend?

He’ll take the hit.

He’s used to it after all.

Its starts with clothes.  Steve takes Eddie shopping but has to steer him away from the polo shirts and khakis he’s inexplicably gravitating towards because "if you can't be yourself, Eds, there's no point.  the right person will love your ripped jeans".  Though he does emphasize that *clean* clothes are a must, because yesterday’s mustard stains? Not so romantic.  

They move on to tips on small talk.  Sharing interests, like music, is great but try to tone down the forty minute monologues that are odes to Dio and how he's the greatest metal vocalist of all time.  They're a smidge much for a first date, even though Steve finds it weirdly charming.

And a little arousing but that’s between Steve and God. 

The conversation about hair is shut down immediately when Eddie suggests cutting his hair.  If Steve had his way, scissors would be banned within a five mile radius of Eddie and his stupidly soft hair.

Steve, in a self-sabotaging mission to break his own heart, even offers to help Eddie cook for his date.  This results in the pair being pressed close together in the trailer's tiny kitchen, steamy and sweaty, Eddie placing his hands on Steve's hips to move him this way and that to get at crockery, cutlery and the one spatula that he's sure Uncle Wayne has in there somewhere

Two hours, one mental breakdown for Steve and two smoke-breaks for Eddie during which he ordered away his erection through sheer force of will , dinner is ready, the rickety little table is set and Steve is loitering near the door.  He really doesn't need to see who managed to catch Eddie's eye, doesn't need to compare himself to them in every respect because it's not him, and he absolutely needs to drive to Robin's right now to cry about it.  Or at very least get audaciously and heroically shitfaced.

Which is when Eddie, red-faced, sweating more than he did when standing over a pot of boiling water, and fiddling nervously with the tab of his clean vest, asks him to take a seat, dinner is served.

[chuuzmii]

omfg i stg some of you guys have this weird need to put Buck on a pedestal because why did i just see a post saying "buck has been there for all of eddies horrific breakups he knows what hes capable of" and "buddie cant happen rn cus buck cant fix eddie"... has buck not also had shitty relationships? am i tweaking? has buck not had issues in his relationships? im confused? and I fond this whole narrative that Buck can't date Eddie while he's struggling mentally sooooo weird like people do not date to fix each other.. they date because they LIKE eachother no matter the others issues.. Buck hasn't even "fixed" himself idk why u guys are so caught up in this idea that hes going to want to "fix" Eddie. He's already been there for Eddie through all his other mental health breakdowns do u really honestly think if they start dating THAT is going to be the reason their relationship cant work?

its just so annoyinggggg watching u guys try to act like buck has never done anything ever.. like hes not an angel hes JUST SOME GUY!! HE MAKES MISTAKES!! Literally nobody on 911 has been 100% correct EVER! why do u guys want him to be perfect so bad.. perfect characters are boringg i love watching him and the others make mistakes while trying to do what they think is right

[lesbianrobin]

non-exhaustive list of films that would cause eddie diaz to have a mental breakdown and/or cry so hard he throws up:

moonlight (2016). self explanatory.

the only son (1936). eddie might actually kill himself if he watched this. he would just be silent for like hours after watching and that night he would just stand in christopher's doorway watching him sleep for like minimum forty-five minutes. he would exist in a state of profound pessimism and melancholy until he saw buck again at which point he would forget about all of that and be normal. sometimes in his life he will randomly remember the only son (1936) and be like chris. you know that i'll be proud of you no matter what you do with your life right. all i want is for you to be happy. and chris will be like yeah.... why are you talking like we're in a movie and you have a terminal illness. and eddie's like i'm not talking like that i'm being normal. i'm a father. and chris is like ok weirdo. and eddie feels better.

the babadook (2014). self explanatory.

4th man out (2015). he would be like this movie is so dumb it's So dumb and then 1. cry when adam comes out to his mom and 2. get deeply invested in the relationship between adam and nick and when they kiss toward the end he'd be like YESSSSS but then when they laugh it off and say they're just friends he'd be like oh..... and feel really upset about it for reasons he cannot explain. he would rant to buck/chim/hen/bobby for like fifteen minutes about how the whole movie was CLEARLY leading up to a romantic conclusion between them and the writers were just being cowards for going with the best bros ending and buck would be like EXACTLY and everyone else would be like 👀😳 and hen would be like well i think they were trying to make the point that gay men can still have close intimate friendships with other men without it being sexual and eddie would be like okay well then those guys shouldn't have had so much chemistry!! and chim would be like yknow some might say that you and buck have good chemistry. and buck would be like we do <3 and eddie would be like hell yeah we do and they'd fuckin fist bump or something and the entire firehouse is like oh my GODDDDDD.

but i'm a cheerleader (1999). self explanatory.

brokeback mountain (2005). self explanatory.

captain america: the winter soldier (2014). eddie reacts So strongly to this movie and nobody understands it (including eddie) except for buck who immediately and instinctively understands that eddie is projecting onto both steve rogers and bucky barnes but only the sad lonely soldier losing himself and hurting the people he loves against his will parts + completely bypassing the hero parts. also steve's like "even when i had nothing i had bucky" and eddie is like hhhhhhhhh...

the pit, the pendulum and hope/kyvadlo, jáma a naděje (1983). okay look. i'm aware that nobody knows what this is. it is a short film inspired by edgar allan poe's "the pit and the pendulum" and auguste villiers de l'isle-adam's "a torture by hope." you should all go watch it but if you don't let me just tell you that eddie would have another panic attack and/or throw up.

the lord of the rings: return of the king (2003). self explanatory.

[wingedquill]

@steddiemicrofic prompt for september! | "charm" wc 548 | rating: T | cw: (non-terminal) cancer

Steve sneaks out of his own party about two hours in.

It’s just…God, it’s overwhelming. His dad and Hopper are having some kinda macho mental breakdown in the corner, and his mom keeps pressing food into his hands, and the look on Robin’s face is just—it's joy, and pride, and fear, all directed at him, and he doesn't know what to do with it.

The whole room is heavy with his people's love for him, so strong he swears he could reach out and grab it. He'll go back in later and bathe in it, but for now, he retreats outside.

It's cold and drizzling, so of course Eddie's already there, sitting by the edge of the pool with his feet in the water. Steve pauses for a moment to just…stare at him, to take him in. The pool light wavers off his face, his freckle-dotted shoulders, the just-barely-long-enough-to-curl fuzz on his head. He looks beautiful.

He almost looks healthy.

 “Someday I’m gonna write about this,” Eddie says, as Steve kicks off his shoes and sits down next to him. “I’m gonna make us all incredibly smart, incredibly sexy action heroes who never lose, and I’m gonna twist the facts enough that Uncle Sam won’t tear my dick off, and I’m gonna make a million dollars on the film rights.”

“Yeah?” Steve snorts.

“Yeah. And I’m gonna make us vampires.”

Steve shivers, a raindrop slipping down the back of his neck and underneath his shirt. He leans into Eddie’s side, chasing his warmth.

“Vampires, huh?”

“It fits, right? Bats bite you, inject you with their weird bat venom, and your blood cells start mutating and multiplying faster than your body can keep up. Boom. Vampires.”

He winds his arm around Steve’s shoulders and pulls him closer, so close that Steve thinks he might fall right through Eddie’s skin and into his heart. It’s how they’ve gotten used to touching each other, these past six months.

Steve wonders if they’ll stop, eventually. If the fact that they have time now means they can stop holding each other like a breath.

He hopes they don’t.

“It’s a lot sexier than cancer,” Eddie says. “Isn’t it?”

“Maybe,” Steve says. “But you can’t go into remission from vampirism.”

It’s the first time he’s said the word, and it feels a bit like champagne on his tongue. Bubbly and bright and fucking intoxicating.

“Guess you can’t,” Eddie concedes. He kicks a foot forward, sending a spray of water up to meet the rain. “God. Fuck. You’re in remission.”

“I’m in remission,” Steve says. “We’re in remission. We made it.”

Eddie sniffles. Turns and presses a kiss into the side of Steve’s head.

“I feel like I should give this back to you, now,” Steve says, fiddling with the guitar pick around his neck. Eddie had given it to him the day he’d gone into remission, almost two months ago. 

My lucky charm. It got me this far, he’d said, curling Steve’s fingers around it. It’ll bring you the rest of the way.

“Fuck, no,” Eddie laughs wetly. “Keep it. You need all the luck you can get.”

“What about you?” Steve asks.

“I don’t need it. I’ve got you, don’t I?”

“Yeah,” Steve whispers as the rain comes down harder. “You’ve got me.”

[lenaboskow]

eddie diaz is a good dad.

say it with me, eddie diaz is a good dad.

he's just had a rough few years. covid happened, and then he got shot. when he woke up, he started having panic attacks, and then his ptsd breakdown that was inadvertently caused by his therapist. then, his best friend, his life partner in every way but one, got struck by lightning and was dead for 3 minutes and 17 seconds. now this whole kim thing? give the man a break.

i think eddie will let his parents take chris for the summer while he works things out, and they'll start the fall refreshed and in a better place mentally. he just needs the time.

[mischiefbuckley]

I want to see Eddie’s sisters on the show. I need to see this man who we have seen time and time again be an adoring and loving father to his son show us how protective and caring he is towards his sisters and especially with the dynamic of how they grew up with the parents they had as well like it would be very interesting to see say if there was an Eddie Begins Again/Eddie centric episode in season 8 to see how that plays into Eddie’s childhood and again the whole Mexican Catholic religious background he had growing up and how that’s affected his life time and time again from feeling forced into a marriage because he found out his girlfriend is pregnant and that was the right thing to do, but later signing up for the military because again he is the man of the house and is suppose to provide for his family, so he’s mirroring what he has seen growing up with his father never being present and always working.

When he does come back after the end of his first tour he’s met with medical debt in the form of his son Christopher being diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, so again what does he do he signs up for another tour, so he is able to take care of the bills and make sure Shannon stays at home and takes care of Christopher because that’s the role his mom had when he was growing up, again mirroring his childhood experiences being that both him and Shannon were young parents and Eddie didn’t know any better. When he does come back after he’s awarded the silver star, he has trouble assimilating back to what his life is suppose to be. He’s suppose to be the supporting husband to his wife and kid and on top of still having his parents never thinking he is doing enough as the man of his own family now. When Shannon leaves him to go take care of her mom, his family immediately blames her for everything and tries to take advantage of the situation of Eddie being busy and trying to provide for his son by working 3 different jobs while also keep in mind already thinking of the future and he had been looking at other cities to move to because again he didn’t want his son being raised in the type of environment he was raised in. He got offers from Chicago and LA, but ultimately he ended up choosing LA and started his probationary year at the LAFD at station 118. And throughout his journey on the show we have seen him time and time again not only adjust to his new life now that’s he’s living in Los Angeles, but he has a positive support system around him including a new best friend who he can rely on and they have each others backs no matter what.

And when we get to season 5 where he’s going to therapy and talking about his past trauma and ptsd from being in the military and we see him be vulnerable and we see him as he has his mental breakdown after he finds out that the people he saved back in Afghanistan have all died, he’s at a lost for words and doesn’t know how to handle that pain so he completely loses it and the one person that comes to his rescue and supports him through everything is Buck. So it will be very interesting to see now with how season 8 pans out how they will tackle the whole catholic storyline if Eddie is going back to church now that he’s all alone and can’t really rely on his primary role of being a father because he’s son is away and for the first time in his life he is completely alone with all his emotions. It will again be very interesting to see what different storylines they have planned out for him, but even with the interview today that was released where Tim mentions that he’s even isolated in a sense from Buck with him being in a relationship and his time outside of work being limited on when they can hangout and it sounded like Eddie would be third wheeling so it will be something to watch with everything else he has going on if they are going down with the catholic guilt storyline with him coming to terms with his sexuality

[vanpalmersgf]

Long rant ahead 💀

I agree with the autistic Tommy kinard!!! I hate the anti saying how Tommy is just a shitty character and not autistic and it’s ableist to claim he is. Then I’m like ??? So many people headcanon buck as adhd way before Oliver agreed and no one had a problem with that? I am audhd and I relate to both Tommy and buck. It’s like no one cna have a headcanon anymore. I have been a buddie fan since the very beginning and I am enjoying bucktommy! But…all these hateful buddie Stan’s are actually making me hate buddie .

Aside from this everyone abc post something the start posting homophobic stuff towards Tommy. Have started saying Tommy and Lou should just die. 😐

Last point is that, they don’t have any media comprehension skills. They both infantilize buck then turn around and claim bucktommys do that to him?? Buck has gone to therapy for so long and is actively working on his abandonment issues and trying not to hold people too tightly etc ei him apologizing for being a jerk to Eddie and Tommy, letting Chris go to Texas with his grandparents. He is just discovering being bi Tommy is more experience so it makes sense as well as him having familial connections to the 118 makes him a safe choice for now. Eddie runs away from all his problems and it’s not bucks responsibility to fix Eddie. Eddie hasn’t gone to therapy after that whole fiasco. He needs to work on himself first. If buddie were to happen it needs to be a place were to lines meet. While support is good sacrificing ones mental health for another partner is so bad.

Also the season was short. The cruise took a big part of the season as well as working the wedding then the bi Buck storyline and ending with an Eddie breakdown. Antis complain about bucktommy not getting so many scenes together etc. BFFR

The whole “TOMMY WAS TRYING TO GET WITH EDDIE FIRST” I hate. Can gay men not have friends?!?!? Crazy concept!! YOU CNA BE GAY AND HAVE FRIENDS Like Tommy reconnected with chim hen and Bobby and then met both buck and Eddie. Realized both Eddie and him had so much in common compared to the other at the 118. THEY CALL TOMMY A PREDATOR AS IF THAT ISNT SOME FUCKING WEIRD ASS HOMOPHOBIA. and then claim that people just wanna see to white guys kiss calling it a fetishizing.I AM A AUDHD HISPANIC BISEXUAL GUY WHO HAS A BRAIN PLS USE YOURS.

sorry but like I hate the 9-1-1 fandom so much now.

anon you speak the truth !!! 10/10 agree with everything you said. Truthfully I have nothing to add other than it’s nice to know that other people think the same as I do and the hate circulated in just a loud minority of viewers. <3 🚒

[daniwib]

Season 8 speculation

Here’s my own speculation on what is going to happen in s8 based partly on wishful thinking but also because TM likes to do the unexpected while also calling back to earlier episodes:-

Chim and Hen both get transferred out to different stations. Chim possibly to the academy as a trainer instead of a regular station. Either way, they’re not at the 118 anymore under Gerrard. The fandom is so focused on what their lives are going to be like working under Gerrard again that I think TM is going to flip things on us and they’re not going to be working under him at all. They’ve both already done that before and they’re both much stronger, wiser and more mature now. They won’t take his shit and so we won’t see it. It’ll be more dramatic to take them out of the equation completely and split the 118 up.

Eddie is in a dark place because Chris is still living in Texas. He’s aware things are not great with Gerrard but he’s not focused on it, he’s just trying to keep his head above water in his personal life. Call back to Tommy saying he didn’t like who he was working under Gerrard – Eddie cannot handle anything else, so he falls into his old military mindset and toes the line at work. Does whatever Gerrard says, doesn’t talk back etc etc. Inadvertently becomes Gerrard’s golden boy because of it though he barely even notices. I’d love for that to cause issues between him and Buck but I think their relationship is too strong for that. But then TM has surprised us all before so who knows.

It takes a while before Gerrard realizes that Buck is dating Tommy but once he does, he starts making Buck’s life hell at work in the small ways he did back in the day with Hen and Chim. Who aren’t there to support Buck, and Eddie doesn’t seem to notice, and so Buck flounders. He’s never experienced constant, relentless homophobia like that before. How would he react? Does he try to hide who he is like Tommy did while working under Gerrard, or does he instead flaunt it? Does it wear him down and make him withdraw into himself? Or do we finally see some real growth for his character and see him standing up for himself without any support from his coworkers? (I’m assuming Tommy is supporting him bts but perhaps not against Gerrard personally. Tommy has his own past demons about the man to deal with).

Call back to 3x16 when Buck says “Yeah, like if Bobby retired. [sic] You know, or one of us got moved to another house, we would still all stay in touch” and Buck’s seeking reassurance that that won’t happen to them. Which they don’t actually give him, btw. Fast forward to the end of s7 and what’s Bobby done? Retired. Sure, he changed his mind and wants to come back but as of now in canon he is retired. So, I’m waiting to see some or all of them transferred to other houses and the 118 be completely separated either physically or in Eddie’s case mentally if he stays working in the same house as Buck.

They did it in Lonestar already and we know the shows have echoed themes before (whumpable chaos coma besties TK & Buck anyone?). The drama potential of it happening to the 118 is enticing. It would affect all of them in different ways and who knows we might even get that Buck breakdown we’ve been wanting for years. There are so many ways all of their storylines could go before we finally get that sweet sweet resolution and see Gerrard get the karmic slap he has to have coming – because that’s something else that 911 loves, dispensing karma to those who deserve it.

I haven’t even mentioned the whole Bathena being homeless or HenRen losing Mara storylines, but I know those will come into play again in s8 and I am excited to see where things go with them, too.

I also really hope that Gerrard was the arsonist and that we get more of the 118 losing their homes to arson (cough cough Buck’s loft) and perhaps even the station itself. Far fetched? Possibly. We’ve had more insane things happen on this show, though.

I’ve deliberately not speculated on the BuckTommy or Buddie of it all because quite frankly I’m tired of the shipwar. I’m content to wait and see where TM goes with that. What I’m excited for is to see how the dynamics of Gerrard and every member of the 118 play out during s8.

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buck & Eddie: Buddie Endgame!

Before 7x5 aired, I decided to take a break from 911blr and Buddieblr since the BTS pics and the "supposed leaks" for 7x5 showed they were about to do another wash, rinse and repeat with both Buck and Eddie. Their storylines have been seen before and at this point, they've become predictable. Anyway, I'm glad I took several days off because I figured most of the people who watched it would see Buck on a date with T*mmy and it would prompt them to start "Jumping ship" (Eddie’s words from 7x4) even though the whole situation was rushed and there's no substance there. If people did jump ship, they have every right to do so but just in case they're new here and they haven't watched all of Buck's train wreck relationships starting in season 1, the facts are Buck is making the same mistakes he's made in the past even though in 6x1, he said he didn't want to do that anymore.

Here's the thing... I'm not trying to convince anyone about who they should and shouldn't ship because everyone has their own preferences. However, I do think it's interesting how some are choosing to forget or just don't want to acknowledge/admit the fact that T*mmy did the same thing to Buck that both Taylor and Natalia did but it didn't take him multiple episodes to do it either.

Here are the cycles...

WASH: He showed up to the loft UNANNOUNCED.

RINSE: He kissed him.

REPEAT: And then he left him standing there dazed just like they did.

BONUS SPIN CYCLE: He told Buck to "Take care of yourself" (he just said it before he showed up unannounced and he said it while they were at Air Rescue when he was trying to date Eddie 👀).

Therefore, it appears the only difference between T*mmy and Taylor and Natalia is, T*mmy's a man which seems to be the only reason why some are willing to look past his bad character traits (discussed here) based solely on that fact. He's just like Buck's previous relationships where it starts off with Buck being kissed like he's in some kind of fairy tale or some BS and then it follows the same pattern as before (as indicated above).

I'm not going to go into the Buck and T*mmy of it all or lack thereof any further because this post is about Buddie and only Buddie!

I've witnessed the REAL LOVE Buck and Eddie share and it's the reason why I have and always will ONLY ship them with each other. They've built a family together and the fact is they know each other inside and out. They don't have to pretend and they know how to take care of the other one. They agreed to have each other's backs years ago and they've continued to do it. Chris views Buck as his second dad and he was doing it way before Eddie updated his will and named Buck to be Chris' legal guardian. Chris called Buck when Eddie was having a mental breakdown and it's obvious he could have called 9-1-1 but he didn't. Reminder, Buck and Eddie are both first responders so he could have called emergency services but he called his other dad, the man who told him months before Eddie was shot that he's not going anywhere 👀.

Buck has cried, screamed and clawed at the ground while trying to dig through 50 feet of wet earth to get to Eddie. He's also crawled underneath a ladder truck (one of the things that tried to take his leg) to save Eddie after Eddie was shot by a sniper in front of him. Eddie’s blood splattered all over Buck’s face and he was in a CATATONIC state of shock until Capitan Mehta tackled him to the ground.

Eddie was the one bleeding out but he was conscious enough to ask Buck "Are you hurt?" before he went unconscious for the last time from the pain of being shot with a large caliber bullet. Eddie climbed up a 70 foot ladder while it was extended in the air without being harnessed in to get to Buck after he was STRUCK BY THE SAME BOLT OF LIGHTNING AND WAS CATAPULTED OFF THE BASE OF THE LADDER to get to him. He was the one who restarted Buck’s heart after Chimney had been doing chest compressions on him for 3 minutes. Trust, that last 17 seconds was ALL EDDIE DIAZ! Eddie took Buck to play poker to help him keep his mind off the fact that he died so he could relax and have a good time.

THAT'S LOVE!

Buck’s own definition of love describes EDDIE DIAZ and only Eddie Diaz! Therefore, it's ridiculous that people are literally trying to dismiss Eddie’s love for Buck just because some dude with a sorted past (with Buck’s found family. Hello Taylor Kelly anyone?) put his lips on Buck and kissed him the same way all the women Buck’s been with did.

Buck and Eddie are IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER and they're each other's ENDGAME!

The point of this post is people can ship whoever they want but I HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL SHIP BUDDIE because they share a once in a lifetime, love of their lives, soulmate type of love that transcends space and time.

I'LL NEVER SETTLE FOR A KNOCKOFF VERSION OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP. WHY? BECAUSE FOR ME ANY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS they've had or will have with others resembles a cheap piece of costume jewelry that looks ok from far away until you get up close and realize it's a cheap imitation of the real thing.

Why would I settle for Buck to end up with a KNOCKOFF version of Eddie?

I won't!

And why would I settle for Eddie to end up with some babysitter who's more in love with her brother when Buck’s already been shown to be another one of Chris' parents?

I won't!

Buck and Eddie DESERVE THE REAL EPIC LOVE STORY that 9-1-1 has been showing and telling the audience about them for the last 6 years and no other love interests have or ever will compare to what they mean to each other.

Ship whoever you want but I only ship BUDDIE and I always will.

[emilybahu]

“I don’t want to break down the door Buck, I want him to open it!”

Good God this line! Oh it hurts, Eddie doesn’t want Chris to shut people out like he did.

I feel like it’s almost a parallel to when Eddie had his breakdown in season 5. He kept closing doors in his mind about his trauma, bottling up his emotions until they exploded behind a locked door. Buck had to break down the door to help Eddie, also effectively breaking down the door in his mind that wasn’t allowing him to share how he felt.

Eddie doesn’t want to have to break down Chris’ door physically, or mentally for that matter. He doesn’t want his son to bottle things up inside, he wants that door to stay open. He wants Chris to be open about how he feels.

I have the feeling though that the door will be closed for Eddie for a while. I do hope they’ll be able to repair the relationship though. Chris is Eddie’s whole world, “his soul”, he NEEDS his son!

God this episode is gonna kill me…😭

[blazinghotfoggynights]

Can I get my 911 with a double side of drama and a pitcher of messiness?

I love it when fictional characters are being scandalous or whumped. It's okay to have no morals or limits in fiction.

Spice up the entertainment. Make it hurt so good! Bring the mess!

There. I said it.

That was liberating. Anywho.

In one of my perfect 'verses, the remainder of season 7 would be Eddie getting fully involved with Shannon 2.0, who has no idea he is with Marisol, Eddie being caught in bed with his side piece by Marisol, who tells the whole 118 Eddie is a cheating scumbag, and then a reveal that the woman doesn't even look like Shannon.

The season would end with some type of major emotional trauma pushing Eddie and Buck both over the edge. I need Eddie Diaz to be in a mental breakdown. Not a minor one, I mean a life-altering, mind-shattering, reality-altering breakdown.

Seeing Eddie suffering triggers something in Buck and it sets him on a path filled with confusion, because he doesn't understand why he is hurting so much watching Eddie suffer.

Season 8 could follow Eddie through his mental health, and possible physical health, journey, Buck through the difficulties of balancing being there for the Diazes with the demands of work and his boyfriend, and how the whole 118 rallies to support one of their own while thoroughly calling him out for his actions.

I want to see fighting the truth, slowly rising from denial, jealousy, resentment, anguish. Give it to me! You could have Eddie trying to ignore something he has known most of his life, Buck unsure of where to focus his attention, Tommy demanding Buck be more present and if that means cutting down on his time with Eddie and Christopher, so be it.

Just those three things would be fuel for a whole season of five alarm fire! There could be opportunities for numerous confrontations and conversations between characters who have historically had little to no interaction. There could be fighting, breakups, makeups, bad choices, regrets, etc.

Then, at the end, there is a final showdown. That could be huge and inclusive of all the main characters and many of the recurring. There could be secrets revealed, ugly crying with lots of loud sobs and snot, ultimatums, begging, and so much more.

Realistically, if the show got a season 9, the arcs could be stretched into that season.

I am a Buddie endgame girl; however, I'd love to see Eddie and Buck explore their true selves independently of each other initially. I'd like to see the BuckTommy relationship evolution as more than a stepping stone. I just hope for, and prefer, Buddie endgame.

I am saying this as a staunch Buddie girl over the past six years: If Buddie happens, it should not happen now. Eddie Diaz is too messed up right now to be with anyone. His actions are going to cause trouble and whoever is in the blast radius when his BS blows up will get burned.

Say it with me:

Characters can have other relationships then eventually get together. BuckTommy and Buddie can coexist, PEACEFULLY, within the same fictional show. Wank makes fandom sad.

(I felt I should add that after completing this post, it somehow turned into the outline for a new fic. Can very long sighs cause harm to your lungs, because right now...)

[bellafarella]

Some thoughts on this new storyline with Eddie (spoilers for 7.07):

I think that an impending mental breakdown is in store for Eddie. We know that eventually he and Marisol will breakup since he has not stop fantasizing about his dead wife Shannon and they have absolutely zero chemistry, he’s already made multiple comments about leaving this woman. And the fact that he’s apparently going to start getting to know a woman who looks like said dead wife.

Eddie has not processed losing his wife in the years that she died. He says that he loved being married to her but everything we saw of their marriage was awful. He even said he only married her because of the church. They both left each other during hard times, they fought a lot, and when she returned she asked for a divorce before she ended up dying.

Eddie is romanticizing his life with Shannon because he has not processed her death and definitely feels guilty. He feels guilty for leaving her for the army, he feels guilty that they fought a lot. He feels guilty that since she died he has not been able to find a stable and good relationship—a new mother for Chris—which is what I think we will see him finally realize before the end of this season, and I’m hoping it comes from Chris telling him that he had a mom and doesn’t need another one.

This whole storyline of him about to cheat with a woman who looks like his dead wife is completely fucking unhinged and that’s all I need to know to tell me that Eddie’s life is about to implode. He cannot bring this woman around christopher without completely triggering and traumatizing him, he cannot tell people he’s cheating on his girlfriend with his dead wife’s doppelgänger.

I think that with these interviews Ryan had where he’s said that Eddie has not moved on from Shannon and he’s going to be feeling isolated and that Eddie will be starting this new lifestyle by the end of the season. I see this as Eddie having a full on mental breakdown (similar to s5 in his bedroom) which will lead to him realizing he needs to let Shannon go and this idealized/romanticized version of their marriage go because none of it is accurate, it’s all delusion and imagination. This in turn could possibly lead to him figuring out who he is (“a new lifestyle and discovering uncharted waters”) aka gay awakening (and feelings realization for Buck especially if they still go the route of injuring one of them like in s4 to help them discover their feelings for one another) then because Ryan said Eddie will isolate himself I believe that if he realizes his feelings for Buck he would isolate himself from Buck—and everyone else —(divorce era 2.0) because he won’t know what to do with it.

This entire unhinged storyline is a win in my eyes to further the gay agenda for Eddie and buddie canon.

We know that s8 will have more episodes so more room to play with where they can really show us Eddie’s arc and how buddie will become canon.

It looks to me that the rest of s7 will focus heavily on Bobby as well as Eddie, and we know that the main thing connecting these two is their religion. I don’t think it’s coincidental to have the latter half of this season focused on them.

There was also the comment about it smelling like smoke in Buck’s apartment and if they actually do what I think they might (burn Bucks loft) then it’s possible that maybe Buck gets injured again by the end of the season and it really makes Eddie realize his feelings for him which could make for quite a cliffhanger before the next season begins.

[jakeonao3]

whatever you need

buddietommy, 3k words, rated E

Buck and Tommy had decided to keep Eddie company after the whole Christopher fiasco. They told him they would take him to Tommy’s house, where he had a guest bedroom in which Eddie could sleep in. Eddie wakes up in the middle of the night and, since they don't want to leave him alone, they invite him to sleep with them. They would spend the next day together and try to keep Eddie from spiraling (although they didn’t tell him this part).

tags under the cut

Additional Tags: Episode: s08e01 Buzzkill (9-1-1 TV), Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Tommy Kinard, Touch-Starved Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz Has a Mental Breakdown (9-1-1 TV), Sharing a Bed, Literal Sleeping Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, Morning Cuddles, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz Loves Tommy Kinard, Pining Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Getting Together, First Kiss, First Time, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Gay Sex, Deepthroating, Bottom Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Top Evan "Buck" Buckley, Top Tommy Kinard, Top Evan "Buck" Buckley/Bottom Eddie Diaz/Top Tommy Kinard, Tommy Kinard and Evan "Buck" Buckley Take Care of Eddie Diaz

[mar-saturn]

they became friends, and never parted again.

eddy had a mental breakdown, so kevin suggested going out on the bike together, which could help him clear his head. he accepted, and on the way, he decided to stand up and feel all the sensations he could. risky, sure, but it was a great way to let all the adrenaline out. and then, for a moment, he felt whole again.