rating all NuWho finales based entirely on how cool the titles are
because yea
(putting a read more because this will take a while, lol)
Bad Wolf / The Parting of the Ways
5/10. Bad Wolf is a cool name! For cool ppl! It’s the season’s mystery! It slays! But The Parting of the Ways? That could be used for like, half of the finales in this show. That’s a generic name. Not a fan. It even has one more “the” than it ought to. That’s a tryhard name. (Rose and The Doc don’t even part ways for another season! It’s a LIE!)
Army of Ghosts / Doomsday
6/10. Army of Ghosts! That’s freaky! It catches my attention! I’m interested, Mr. Davies, tell me more about that! Doomsday is also a generic name though. Like it could be used anywhere. It gets more points than S1 however because Doomsday is a very cool word and I like it a lot.
Utopia / The Sound of Drums / Last of the Time Lords
8/10. YES. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THESE TITLES. Utopia? That’s a word that can’t be applied to many other episodes! That’s a memorable word! That’s a fun word! The Sound of Drums? What the hell is so significant about drums?? In a FINALE episode?! There must be something SCANDALOUS about the drums, tell me everything! (And they did! But this isn’t about what happens in the episode this is just how hard the titles fuck.) Last of the Time Lords??? Holy shit! That means we’re delving into that aspect of him specifically, and you can’t duplicate that easily! But more importantly, that sounds cool! Cool names, absolutely W from whoever named RTD’s stuff.
The Stolen Earth / Journey’s End
5.5/10. Same boat as S1, tbh. The Stolen Earth? Excellent, no notes. Journey’s End sounds generic af though. But I gave it a half point lead because Journey’s End has the Vibes more than The Parting of the Ways, lol.
The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang
8/10. Yea I see the vision Mr. Moffat, I see you. Love what you’ve done with the place btw. Like, neither title is generic! And both are super interesting! Look honestly I forget how to do commentary I’m just one sleep deprived fan who likes Vibes they just slap OK
The Wedding of River Song
9/10. Oh. Oh yes. Oh I am LOVING this. Nothing gets me going like seeing a wedding that is somehow the culmination of a high stakes season. Like, how is there a wedding there?! And. River Song is there? Do you promise? 🥺
The Name of the Doctor / The Day of the Doctor / The Time of the Doctor
6/10. OK I’m honestly not sure which ones are finales or not, but y’know what? The name matching is fun. I like that. That is good. But besides the first one, these are p generic episode names. Sorry.
Dark Water / Death in Heaven
8/10. Dark Water is a p good episode name. It’s not the most interesting, but I like it. BUT ***DEATH IN HEAVEN***?! Now THAT is a finale title! I have never SEEN such a title! THAT is an IMMACULATE title! SPLENDID!
Heaven Sent / Hell Bent
10/10. The matching names? The rhyming? The low-key religious theming? The ominous nature? EXCELLENT. No notes Mr. Moffat. Great vibes.
World Enough and Time / The Doctor Falls
9/10. I would give this striaght up 10/10 if I could figure out what “World Enough and Time” meant. The vibes are perfect but like. What does it mean 😭 And The Doctor Falls??? OH MY ATTENTION HAS BEEN GRABBED BY THE THROAT DO GO ON PLS—
The Battle of Ranskoor av Kolos
4/10. Kolos? What is this, Pokémon XY? Anyways, I feel like this is just dialogue that would be said in passing in a sci-fi novel that everyone forgets. Sorry 😞
Ascension of the Cybermen / The Timeless Children
7/10. Cybermen are OK. It’s a fine title, I have nothing against it. The Timeless Children??? The vibes are just SPLENDID here. Especially because it’s a Bad Wolf situation where it’s like “hey wait a fucking minute I’ve heard that somewhere else—” Good stuff! W for Chris.
Chapter Six: The Vanquishers
6.5/10. Adding chapter to the title does make it automatically cooler, so that’s a bonus half point right there. Otherwise, it’s neat. Like it’s good. The vibes are fine and I like them, but not THAT fine, y’know?
The Legend of Ruby Sunday / Empire of Death
7/10. Look, even if it’s not generic, anything with “death” in the title *feels* generic. The Legend of Ruby Sunday still saves this tho, because I am INTERESTED, girl. TELL ME EVERYTHING
In conclusion, episode titles peaked with Capaldi.
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let me start by saying, I'm okay to agree to disagree on this, and I respect you greatly as my queer elder. I hesitate to even send this because I don't think this cause is worth dogpiling (and not even the fun way) on anyone against and , like , I will continue to follow and admire you as a mutual who has been through a lot of the hell that I'm going through right now and got to a place I want to someday be. (for context, I am currently housing & food insecure and am trying to live in a queer-accepting city)
Posting will never be praxis, you are my brother in arms no matter what you call trump or cops or whatever. There are some fat liberation blogs that take issue with calling cops "pigs" for a lot of the reasons I bristle at calling Trump a fatass, and like, if someone is actively fighting cops who can and will actively hurt me and my found family, I don't care what names they shout while doing it. So I see where you are coming from and I'm glad you fight for me. I fight for us too, in what little ways I can while I keep me and my found family afloat. I do better work in the community just by existing around people as a living breathing transgender than I could do in a million posts on this website.
I do think that this is a valuable conversation to have, though, even though you are completely right that this is a trivial thing and not at all the bigger, more real issue at hand. I think it's still important, on online platforms such as this, to talk about how we refer to the other people on this planet.
Think about why you didn't call Trump a "retard". You certainly could have, it doesn't *not* apply to some of his behavior. I know people of our generations once used that word a lot, and we don't anymore. Why and when did we change that? I honestly don't remember. For me, my aunt was medically classified as "retarded" and she was the best person I'd ever met, so I decided that word shouldn't mean bad things. The first time I ever hit someone was over them using that word in a derogative way. it wasn't about "mental illness positivity" it was about humanizing the people that word has been used against - people who have been stigmatized and oppressed with that word.
Right now, hopefully, the same thing is happening to the word "obese". Fat people are less likely to be hired, granted loans or secure housing. they can be kicked out of airplanes and fired from their jobs because of their body size. There have been laws proposed to take fat children away from their parents and "treatments" proposed to wire children's jaws shut and starve them to make them thinner. They are often medically mistreated and misdiagnosed. I once went to a doctor with an ear infection and instead of antibiotics, he prescribed me *bariatric surgery.* I have been refused transgender top-surgery because of my BMI, which keeps me at a passively higher risk for self-injury and worse.
I do not care about body positivity. Honestly, between being fat, trans, and poor, I'm at a point where I've given up on ever feeling good about my body again. All I care about is getting jobs and meds and keeping a roof over my family's head and food on our table. Normalizing the idea that fat is a bad thing that anyone can change continues that stigma. When you use Fat as an insult, you are saying fat=bad. Fat is a neutral thing that some bodies can be, like short or tall or lean. The revolution needs to be intersectional, and body size is another axis of oppression that needs to be acknowledged, just like sexuality, gender, race, class, disability, etc.
If you've gotten this far, thank you for hearing me out. I'm sorry that others are just performatively parroting the same things over and over. Civility is bullshit, and if you still want to use body shaming as one of the ways you fight against bigotry, it doesn't really matter to me. Just as long as you acknowledge anti-fat bias as part of that bigotry too.
Thank you for writing and sharing your life experiences with me, and for your solidarity as well. You're striving to make your way as part of a despised minority in a world that's turned unspeakably harsh toward you in an aggressively mean way seemingly overnight, and I admire you for the life you have lived, for your courage and perseverance during this difficult time where resources are scant and your housing and food security is uncertain at best.
(FWIW, after I was bombed out of my Lower Manhattan home on September 11th, my income went from six figures down to nothing overnight, and I was homeless and destitute for years. Twenty years ago, I was where you are now, and I can tell you that what you're enduring today will not last forever, that there is light and hope and blessing in your future, that you're not as alone as you might think, that you must never give up.)
What more can I do to make the point that "fat" has nothing to do with this? As I've said, I grew up obese, and it wasn't until I enlisted in the Army at age 17 that I was able to free myself from my violent and abusive family and unlock the potential of the body that had been hidden under layers of fat and shame all my life. I know that my path is not for everybody, that many others are not so fortunate, and I ceased long ago to think that fat equals bad or lack of character or any other pejorative attitude that society has attached to it for generations. I hope I've made that clear and that you take my word as truth.
I am not saying "let's fat-shame Donald Trump to make him feel bad." I am saying that I'm deeply troubled by the LGBTQ+ community prioritizing hurt feelings over the very real damage that's being done to us right now all over the country by Trump, his minions, his proxies, and his cult of bloodthirsty followers and worshippers.
Trump's accomplices in Congress and state legislatures and Moms For Liberty are taking over school boards all over the country, banning books and emptying library shelves and harassing teachers and librarians to the point where they're being run out of town, where the State of Missouri has defunded its entire public library system rather than follow a court order to restore books banned just for featuring LGBTQ+ characters.
DeSantis and Abbott have put in place policies that are unspeakably brutal, that are forcing trans people in Florida to slowly and brutally revert to their pre-transition state, that have given health care providers in Florida the right to deny treatment to you and me and all LGBTQ+ people because we are gay, lesbian, non-binary, trans... but God forbid we should call Trump mean names!
We've seen what happens when we buy into the "when they go low, we go high" fantasy pipe dream. This is not the way the world works, it has never been, and we need to put this loser idea in the trash bin where it belongs once and for all.
We're being attacked and harmed in unspeakable ways that are happening now. This is not theoretical or hypothetical. It's happening to us, to those we love, this minute and every minute of every day. And worse is in the pipeline - they're writing laws that will place us under virtual house arrest, that will regulate where we're allowed to go in our own cities and towns, when we're allowed to be seen in public, when and where we can shop, how we're allowed to dress, even what we're allowed to say and SING, for Christ's sake!
And I'm supposed to be concerned about some minuscule hypothetical percentage of my own people being OFFENDED because I'm somehow being insensitive and violating some trivial picayune social justice warrior philosophy, because there's a possibility of some fragile flower taking it personally, and that I should shut my mouth and let the MAGA nutjobs run roughshod over us? Oh, come let Daddy kiss it! while our brothers and sisters are suffering in real time. Sickening.
Anyone who has a problem with my stance doesn't have to follow me or emulate my proven effective tactics as an activist with 37 years of successfully defending our rights under my belt if they're so dainty and delicate and easily bruised. Everyone else that sees this for the strawman bullshit it is, get ready to hit the streets with bullhorns and whistles once again. We've got work to do.
Your arguments are strong and well-reasoned, and I accept and acknowledge everything you're saying. We can disagree on this, certainly, and still work together to turn back the progress that the MAGAs are making, restore our rights, and protect ourselves and each other. But that will require the snowflake contingent among us to get their collective head out of their collective ass, stop whining, and get with the damn program. Calling me names and telling me I'm being a bad gay activist is a waste of time and energy that should be spent fighting the fascists and the haters who are out to kill us.
And to you, my friend and fellow traveler with a radiantly beautiful soul and spirit, I urge you to hang in there, to keep the faith, to keep caring about life, to work with me to secure our own future and the future of our kind. I send to you my very best wishes, energy, and prayers that you will find your way to a place of health, security, stability, and love for yourself and for this precious community to whom we've both dedicated our lives, who mean the world to us.
Yours In Service,
Animal J. Smith
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"...HE WROUGHT HIMSELF A NEW GUISE, AN IMAGE OF HATRED AND MALICE MADE VISIBLE..."
PIC INFO: Spotlight on an illustration of Sauron, the Dark Lord and Enemy of the Free Peoples of Middle-earth, as he appeared during the Battle of Dagorlad in Peter Jackson's "Lord of the Rings" film trilogy (2001-2003). Artist unknown.
"...his spirit arose out of the deep and passed as a shadow and a black wind over the sea, and came back to Middle-earth and to Mordor that was his home. There he took up again his great Ring in Barad-dûr, and dwelt there, dark and silent, until he wrought himself a new guise, an image of malice and hatred made visible; and the Eye of Sauron the Terrible few could endure."
-- "QUENTA SILMARILLION," "Akallabêth," written by J.R.R. Tolkien, published 1977
Sources: www.pinterest.com/pin/488218415837584309 & www.henneth-annun.net/events_view.cfm?evid=1060.
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