#EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND SAD AND GONE
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sadisthetic · 2 years ago
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jaya....? (sike. its skybound bad end au. in which jay fails miserably but “nya” never dies. can you imagine?)
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months ago
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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starfall-isle · 2 years ago
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I’m just a ten cent copy
Of people far more advanced than me
#Stej#spark the electric jester#spark the electric jester spoilers#float#Clarity#flint#spark#art tag#Float is so so much 2 think about. Even before she died there was still this acknowledgement of like.#She does not know who she was before she just knows she was discarded and literally buried alive and everything just gets worse for her :(#character who deserves some kind of resolution the most I think/#I can’t fully wrap my mind around how Clarity’s replica works (ignoring what was said about her and Astra#solely being extensions of clarity bc I think that kind of sucks and doesn't fully make sense 2 me anyway)#like she is not the original ofc and float was already dead before assimilation but she is still clearly enough of a copy#that she has her feelings and (assumedly) resembles her formie body from before she was experimented on#Something even she didn’t remember‚ & I'm just curious how exactly clarity made her so faithfully 2 float and how much she has that#same kind of cognition and emotional independence that Astra did‚ even if she is only trying to achieve clarity’s goals.#I know WHY float was used 2 trick spark into reaching the Fark force the point was that shes just. Still so real and it’s so sad#The original float is gone but she is still here and she still remembers her life and feelings it’s soo fucked up#The only autonomy she has ever had over herself was when she and flint met each other. She just has been used so much even after death!!#I don’t want to make assumptions about something that isn’t out but like. If floats just gone now after doing so much to reintroduce her as#an agent of clarity I think it would be such a disservice 2 her Character like how interesting could it be to have float but she is not the#same as float she has this girls face and memories but she has been so fractured and manipulated that like. Who could she be now#that clarity isn't in control and she no longer has a purpose. if she ever got to reunite with flint would he be willing to trust her?#Would she want to reconnect with these emotions and memories that she knows she’s been programmed from? How would it feel to know#that everyone else has this idea of you and a history that for you technically isn’t real but it still FEELS real. AUGH#Anyway. segmented like a bug get it#ask to tag#Taphophobia#Blood
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swordmaid · 3 months ago
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someone drew my hags as the vibe of those raunchy romance novel covers im CACKLING now I want to actually draw them as one
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annamaryllis · 8 months ago
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I would like to know exactly how luke asking annabeth to run away with him went down.
#annabeth🥺#it's sad to think about how it'll be so much harder for annabeth to unpack and heal from that relationship bc he's dead#it's hard enough to come to terms with someone you love/held in high esteem hurting you so deeply#but she's also grieving him too so it's even harder to hold him accountable to herself and recognizing the good and the bad#she may struggle to not romanticize the memory of him#sorting through what about their relationship was pure and genuine and what was fueled by other stuff#both of their trauma really played into it in some of the worst ways...#but to even recognize how her trauma played into it she'd have to identify what her trauma even is and how it's affected her life#it's really complex and difficult work#and bc he's gone she'll never get to question him on stuff like what he was thinking at certain points and why#so certain things will never get the best closure#MAYBE SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE EXPLORED IN HOO RICHARD???? BUT NO#and it would have been perfect too bc she'd also be dealing with issues caused by both of her parents triggered by the MoA quest#like her mother's conditional love#and trauma from her mortal family#and her fear of spiders relates to both of these things bc it's a phobia that's passed down from her mom's actions#so she's being punished for something she's not responsible for and also being burdened with a quest simply for being her mother's daughter#and it also represents her mortal family's neglect bc they ignored her needs and all that...#AND THEN the only person she's received actually pure and good unconditional love from was snatched from her for 6 months#and the MoA quest could have been a way to confront some of these fears and wounds...so she's a little stronger by tartarus which#should bring out the best in her and the worst in percy#or maybe the best and worst in both of them#and then he can work through some stuff too down there#HoO could have been a journey for them where they're undone and then healed#bc at the end of everything they have the medicine to literally everything which is real love (which they have for each other intensely)#the rant I could go on about this...I have so many thoughts about what HoO should have been. maybe one day#annabeth#luke & annabeth#luke#m
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ajdrawshq · 7 months ago
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i think one of the best things repliku has in terms of being a Clone Character(TM) and just like. one of the reasons they stick out to me as a character in general is the fact that they get both the "knowing i was created to be better than the original and being more than happy to serve that purpose" AND the "incredibly traumatic discovery that i am actually just a copy of someone else and everything i knew was fake" arcs all in one, the combo of which also leading to their downfall. who is doing it like them
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addicted2coke-theothercoke · 9 months ago
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hauntingblue · 10 months ago
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Sanji has adquired top sad wet cat status
#that cream guy just watching luffy tear his arms off ajdhakw#sanji had gone past his angst too quick.... picnic and everything damn...#i finally realized why his guard is offering him aubergines. he looks like an aubergine#but to me it is a metaphorical remainder of his bisexuality he is abandoning by marrying pudding (he is getting out of his polycule)#he wants the aubergine for later akdhkashsk see... he is already tempted by the familiarity#'pudding might be changing that's why she is busy.... oh didn't her room have a balcony' SICK IN THE HEAD#'oh is this inapropiate??' idk MAYBE 'it wont be a crime we will be married tomorrow' JAIL#THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR SNOOPING AKDHAKA#his face is so... that one meme drawing of the guy in a war....#i mean it is sad bc she was his only like light in the darkness but damn... hard lesson#oh luffy is cursing her out this is serious#well good thing aanji snooped...... is he gon a save his sister now or.... he wont fight pudding i am sure of that#sanji is gonna grab that gun and kill himself at this point pudding#jesus christ how long can this go on for.... you already killed him pudding stop hitting the dead horse#i believe reiju could kick her ass now that pudding is distracted but alas.... no girl om girl violence is allowed#sanji not being able to lit his cigarette is so..... this poor man... NOT THE SHOT OF HIM CRYING#omg perfect episode..... jesus christ.....#i uave to say.... i would have really liked for pudding to be normal and have sanji get away from a lover to go with the crew again...#its so bittersweet you know....... and shows his priorities#goddamn sanji crying in the rain trying to get a smoke...... this is like too much... peak poor little meow meow#wait a fucking moment... the intro song starts with my feelings for you are beating intensly.... this really is so gay....#gay sex on screen is less subtle#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 817#wtf pudding... if she didnt want reiju to die why tf did she shoot her....#sanji the flowers... she will know sanji..... sanji noooo#i get the soul thing but where do zeus and prometheus come from???? what kinda power is that...#JINBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#episode 818
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REPOSTOBER - Day #16
today is artwork I made for Xuza/HowliteArt as part of a Digivolution Exchange Project, where entrants would submit a Rookie fanmon of theirs and then they'd be randomly shuffled off to another entrant for them to draw an evolution of!
I got their Lapimon which I was already a big fan of (I hate to be linking to Pinterest of all things, but in the wake of dA Eclipse & the AI kerfuffle they've scrubbed their old Digimon Viral project from the internet it seems), so I just drew my own take on her champion form Briarmon, rather than design a whole new thing!
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boypussydilf · 1 year ago
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the is it just you and me in the wreckage of the world extra gets to me. incredible, completely emotionally destroying context for simon & marcy the episode and also for the years they spent traveling together offscreen. the implication that simon thought they might be the only two people left alive in the world. and kept going and kept this little girl safe and happy anyways
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musical-chick-13 · 2 years ago
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#personal Vent™ incoming:#I don't like...miss Her™. exactly.#but I miss having someone who genuinely made an effort to understand me. who made that effort because they WANTED to understand me#and mostly I just miss being like. close to someone. there was a level of emotional intimacy and trust and closeness that I#just haven't ever had with anyone else. even if there are people who have technically known me better or Got™ me more#and I miss having that I miss having a person who brought out all of these parts of myself that I didn't think I had and I miss believing#that maybe everything was going to be okay and all of that is gone now and it's better that I don't see her anymore genuinely it is#but. oh god I lost so much. I lost so much and I feel that loss so acutely just. all the time. and I like I said I don't miss HER because#there's too much hurt and bad blood there now but I miss all the things that I lost and I want them back I want my time and my effort and my#love back and I don't know if it will ever even be possible to find those things again and even if it IS possible what's the point#I'm just. I should be over this by now I should have processed everything and moved on with my life and stopped feeling sad about everything#and I've tried EVERYTHING that it is possible to try but this feeling of loss and loneliness and sadness and grief? I guess? you can grieve#a relationship even if the person isn't dead right? all of those feelings are still fucking here and I'm so tired like I just want to#be a person again. because I don't really know what I feel like now.#In the Vents#personal#idk somebody send me like. asks/messages about music or unhinged fictional women or something.
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arolesbianism · 5 months ago
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Hi guys guess who's literally shaking rn from excitement
#rat rambles#oni posting#beta moments. explodes.#now as expected not everything is fully implemented and I imagine theres going to be more logs and such when the main story trait of this#planetoid is fully implimented in the actual dlc when it releases#but there are still some new logs that can be viewed already and Holy Shit#ok ok so first of all we have confirmation that gossmann is her last name and her first name starts with an e#I also am amazed at my hc of harold being a dad being true like yo I actually nailed it with that hc#however that news is far outshadowed by the fact that pretty much all of my jackie childhood hcs being completely obliterated#and by completely I mean COMPLETELY like its not even like a detailed retelling or anything its just an email#but as I honestly kind of expected my hcs are completely dead and gone in the wind rest in peace jackie hcs#Im honestly completely ok with this tho as while I did like my hcs ot definitely was the sort of thing I did not want to be canon#like honestly the fact that this implies that jackie actually has a decent relationship with her family is perfect to me#I also like how it gives us another bit of insight on jackie's life outside of gravitas without her even saying anything directly#its going to be sad to move away from my old hcs but I am honestly kind of digging the new implications#wait a minute#ok now I need to know what the family tree here looks like jackie are those your parents and are they divorced this is important#WAIT I NOTICED A SECOND THING#ok well first of all one of the presumably jackie relatives is a colonel which like so fucking lines up with how jackie is#but also I think that some of the other new logs might also be abt jackie relatives#one of the new logs in fact directly mentions a colonel#in fact the log in question seems to be a part of another trio of logs that probably are abt different outcomes of the same event#they seem to be about an incident that either resulted in the injury death or successful recovery efforts of a crew of piolets#with the one that ended up being able to be saved being credited to the colonel (telling us they were almost certainly in the air force)#all three end with gravitas showing some form of hostility towards the vertex institute for some reason or another#and in the two where things go wrong stretches out an invitation for those affected to apply at gravitas instead#and the one where things turn out ok theres mention of claims of corporate espionage#which I find Facinating on so many levels in either direction this could go#to be clear these three logs are written in a very broken up manner as they seem to be corrupted radio programs or smth#anyways this is all to say that smth fucked up happened over there and it has the chance to make jackie so So much worse
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thatdemiboymess · 8 months ago
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Even just half-heartedly looking for work as someone who is legally blind, autistic, with no highschool diploma, GED, or degrees and who can't leave the house is a very specific kind of let-down and disappointment that just really makes a person depressed.
#irl#vent#suicidal ideation#i am a money sink and a financial burden and trying to look for ways to fix that turns up nothing!!!#society abandons those who cannot work!!! and i sure do seem to be unemployable!!!#like#i would need a work from home job that doesnt require a highschool diploma ged or a degree that i can do as someone who is legally blind#at the LEAST#even just being a cashier at pet smart requires a fucking highschool diploma!!! and i cant even do that sort of work anymore!!!#i dont have any fancy little talents or areas of expertise either!!! i cant code i suck at source work i cant do graphic design!!!#what am i supposed to do#can someone just like put me down like a sick animal or smth at this point#because i feel like all i amount to at this point is a burdensome and childish good for nothing waste of space#and an additional source of stress and disappointment for everyone who has ever cared about me or had hopes for my future#sincerely feel like everyone who knows me would be better off if i were dead#no one would have to take care of me then - theyd be free of any burden i put on them#hell considering how few people i talk to and how little o do talk to ones i DO talk to they probably wouldnt even notice i were gone#and once they did they probably wouldnt be upset for long at all if they would be upset to begin with#my partner would be free to find a smaller more affordable place to live or could even get a car and live in it as he thought of doing#before if i werent around being a little needy whiny bitch#seriously whats even the fucking point#im so tired of just...fucking everything.#i dont talk about it much but i really do just feel like shit all the fucking time man#and i feel so fucking powerless and like i have no control of my life too#should probably be in therapy still but i just know theyd force me into the psych ward again#not that talk therapy would do shit for me anyways tho#i dunno#im tired and sad and hopeless and i just wanna go to sleep and not wake up again#not that it matters or anything though lololol
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amanyay556 · 2 months ago
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Hi dear donors ! ❤️
I would like to extend my thank and gratitude for the support you have been offering over the last eleven months. ❤️☺️
My family and I have been suffering and going through the hardest days we have ever experienced in our life . Things are very hard to get and and sometimes unattainable.😭😓
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Our sufferings and hardship started on the first days of the war when all our possessions were completely destroyed and burned. We have become displaced and homeless , finding ourselves in a small tent in streets with no means of life. We lack every single necessary thing of life; food, water, hygiene essentials, and other necessities have become scarce and rare.
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A photo taken to show how incredibly harsh our life has become after the war. We are struggling and facing lots of barriers to obtain the simplest necessities for living. Everything single thing is a complete story.
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You can't imagine what difficulties we have been going through all these days of war. No cooking gas , nor cooking tools exist . We struggle to prepare a small meal of food.
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No bakeries are available. Everything seems a miracle and unbelievable.😭 The war has stolen our joy and smile, leaving us busy thinking only of staying safe and alive. Our future has gone with the wind and our kids lost their dreams and ambitions.
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This is a part of burying the dead. We also face some problems in the process of buying our dead people as no place is there for the family. Tombs aren't enough for the number of people living on a small spot of land.
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A photo taken for the morning queue of filling our gallons with drink water. We wait hours to get some water for drink. Our life is full of tragedy and sadness.
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Our sufferings and hardship started on the first days of the war when all our possessions were completely destroyed and burned. We have become displaced and homeless , finding ourselves in a small tent in streets with no means of life. We lack every single necessary thing of life; food, water, hygiene essentials, and other necessities have become scarce and rare.
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A photo taken to show how incredibly harsh our life has become after the war. We are struggling and facing lots of barriers to obtain the simplest necessities for living. Everything single thing is a complete story.
So I am asking you generous donors to help me find safety and stability for my family through your generous donations whatever you can or through your shares of my messages and reposting them to help reach the ultimate goal sooner.
Yours.
YOURS
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3knecrotic · 10 months ago
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Urggh,, the thoughts are back,, how annoying,,,
#dk speaks#vent#after all I've gone through why do i still miss hys smile.#hys yelled at me time and time again#told me i was stupid and made me feel like i was intellectually Incapable of being hys true friend#all hy did was smile and speak sweet nothings then make me feel like shit when i couldn't give hym attention in the next hour#hy's snitched on me. turned my girlfriend against me for an entire year.#hys presence made it so my girlfriend Intentionally Ignored me month after month after month when i Did try opening my mouth#hy. had sex with her. hy flirted with her. hy raged when hy couldn't have everything that a romantic relationship has with her.#hy would get so angry at me. when i was weak and tired and sad and neglected.#hy wanted to cuddle her. kiss her. want alone time with her Constantly. sleep beside her in bed. fuck her. get extra emotional support.#an extra amount not entilted to friendship at all. but hy felt hy was entitled. extra for a Lover? no not at all. but a friend?#still cant even tell to This Day if hy was lying about not being in love with my wife for the entire time hy kept trying to claw her away ..#i dont know#all i know is i love him and i want the best for hym. i deeply just need hym happy.#and yet almost all my memories of hym are of drugs. hym degrading me regularly. me never ever ever being enough for hym.#and of hym fucking my wife while still claiming to respect me.#the mistake was made. it painted permanent colors. now i miss a boy who probably just needs me dead at this point.#i cant physically believe I'm loved after a year like this...#this isnt love.#i wasnt love.#it was never love#i dont know what it is. but it cant be love#god i just want normal clean fucking love again .
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savingthrcw · 7 months ago
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Oh, she was weak. She was a weak, weak woman, and she was afraid it had very little to do with having gone months without - which was, in fact, an enormous amount of time for her. Fifty years would have driven her crazy. But even if she hadn't, unfortunately she knew that tone would always draw her to him. Hell, just him making clear she made him feel good, that he wanted her, had been enough to make her forget the pain she was in.
She had expected him to resist anyway, she would have, if challenged, to make a counter-argument against kissing, not to just up and do it; his lips moved heatedly and she was in his hands, her heart racing once more. It was over too soon, but she let out a pleased sigh, surrendering to it. "Fine!" she accepted more good-naturedly this time, bringing a hand over his chest just to touch him some more, and forcing herself to move towards the stimpack. Between bending over and sitting, the latter was preferable, and so hard. The next noise she let out was one of pain as she met the mattress, reaching for the little syringe. "Shut up," she said before he could comment on it, "I obviously didn't feel like this while I was kissing you or you would have noticed. This is just from changing position, it's nothing." She pulled at the suit enough to go directly through the skin, and thought that it was good, after all, that she had noticed how bad it was just when straddling him instead of finding out in a more violent way. "I don't think we can do it within ten minutes like you said, if your reaction was any indication of how well you'd take me being sore." Not that she could scold him for it when it warmed her heart, despite all her protesting, that he would be so against hurting her even if she gave him permission to ignore it. It meant he really didn't want her to be in any pain. She could have died not knowing any of that. He really did care for her. Despite knowing her more than anyone else, despite having seen her at her worst, feral, and at what he thought was her worst, a polite naive Vaultie. The Ghoul who would fight the Brotherhood just to give her space while she recovered... and she had almost ditched him without a second thought. And for a moment she let go of the need to argue, of the playing and even of the lust, and felt that she wanted that. Just for a little, to be cared for and held and safe, and not running around the Wasteland trying to fix it.
Her eyes went from the stimpack, that was now doing its job, to him, filled with emotions she couldn't even describe, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have given for granted that you'd be fine after I died. It was... heartless of me, Cooper. And I'm sorry I didn't take the stimpack right away."
That smirk rose back up his lips again. "I do know that, 'cause that's kinda what I was hopin' for." He would love to get back to that, speaking of, because the little taste he already had of her body pressed against his like that had been intoxicating. If she hadn't been so obviously in pain, he's not quite sure how far this would have gone.
Her shock was amusing, to say the least, and of what he knew of Lucy, that would become a conversation before long. It had been... a long while for him, at least doing so with someone else, but it was like riding a bike. You never really forget how. He took a half step closer, almost standing chest-to-chest with her now. "Not somethin' I'm gonna forget any time soon, Lucy." Fuck, does she realize how close he is to just saying 'fuck it' and going back to how they were?
For fuck sake... those eyes were damned unfair. Another few minutes, he was so confident she'd be the first to break, he only had to last long enough for her to agree to taking it. "You are the most addictin' thing I've ever had past my lips," he practically purred, eyes still too focused on her mouth. He'd gone from that one conversation, thinking about her sitting in his lap, to having experienced it first hand. He didn't want to do anything more than keep her safe, and kiss her like he meant it. Because he'd be damned if he didn't.
Then she started to break, and he could feel the triumph coming. His celebration was short lived, Lucy starting to backtrack until she said something very specific. You'd have to kiss me first. He leaned in, pressing his lips to hers, the hunger that he felt for her through this silly little argument evident in each move of his mouth on hers. He ran hot already, but he felt warmer now with the desire pooling in his belly. It was over far too soon, and he didn't pull further away than necessary to speak. "Now take the damn stimpack, sweetie."
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