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#Don't look at me do not touch me
tellerficraz · 3 months
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...
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No sir. I don't think they are physically capable.
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torchstelechos · 13 days
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I love that In Stars and Time gives the nonconsensual kiss a proper horrified reaction, by the way. Most media where a character can kiss someone out of no where either make it a funny thing or the "romantic" thing, but here Siffrin kisses without permission out of no where and Isabeau reacts correctly! He pushed them away! Because thats surprising, and fucked up to do to someone with no lead up and no permission! Isabeau had no context, and at the time when the kiss happened, was under the impression that Siffrin didn't like touch which can have a variety of horrible reasons for it. Not only that but... We don't know what face Siffrin was pulling and I don't think it was a nice one. Which, again, means that we don't have all the context either! This is a horrible event that has horrible consequences and I love that it does. Because it's something that is horrible and objectively one of the worst things Siffrin did to one of the others in the loops, so I'm just!!! So excited it had bad consequences!!!
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collophora · 5 months
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Found a cool color palette. Might finish it later. (Probably not.)
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evilmortimerirl · 1 month
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"YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME RICK C-137 BECAUSE I HAVE A SECRET WEAPON THAT ALL RICKS SHOULD FEAR
A BABY MORTY!!!"
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"HOW DARE YOU?!"
"Tf jit got a baby equip dawg..."
"Nahh jit kidnapped a baby..."
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furiousgoldfish · 3 months
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I wrote a very pained, depressive and dark post, even maybe too dark for this blog, but I ultimately decided to publish it, just because this pain has always been invisible in me, and I want to be able to say something. If you're going to read it, there's a lot of mention of death and contemplation of suicide in it, and a lot of painful emotion. Maybe someone will resonate with it and find words to describe their own pain. I also want to note that even though every word of it is true, I am most of the time completely dissociated from this, I'm not actively thinking it, and it came out now because my parents are actively trying to find me and disrupting the life I've tried to make for myself.
What my parents did to me is worse than death, they erased me. When I escaped I didn't know who I was, I had no hope to survive, I didn't think I was worth anything, I felt ashamed to even exist. I was suicidal, i thought I'd be dead within a month even if I don't do it myself. I didn't think I had it in me to survive, to be alive, to be anything. I was a less than a ghost, I didn't even have memories to remember of who I once was because there was no warm memories, only violence, blame, guilt, shame, pain, terror. I was supposed to be a person, and they put me in a state where I knew nothing about being a person, only property and a target, it was my entire life. I was told I deserved this, I was a monster, there was never anything else that is correct to do to me, but hurt me. I thought it was my job to be endlessly harmed. They knew I was suicidal and didn't stop. The only reason I didn't kill myself was the dissociative disorder that functioned like a suicide prevention measure, I physically could not have done it because I have been split into pieces and one of the pieces prevented me from doing it. I would have died otherwise.
What would a quick violent death be compared to this? A fucking blessing. I was slowly tortured until I was willing to kill myself in order to end it. They didn't want to dirty their hands with my murder, they planned on torturing me until I did it to myself. I had an intense drive to survive despite everything, and even that was getting erased. My basic instincts were being erased by the amount of pain I was in. My personality was gone, I didn't even have a personality, it was all overwhelmed by pain and desperation to both survive and end it all, I walked trough life looking death in the face the entire time, it felt so close, so close to me, like it would claim me any second, but I had to stay stoic, calm, me staring down death had to be invisible, I couldn't let it show. It shouldn't have mattered to anyone what I was experiencing. I was torn between life and death, stuck in constant anticipation of it and it couldn't have mattered.
Take a person, any person, imagine them having a life, family, friends, interests, hobbies, desires, dreams, loved ones, support, community. Now imagine that same person isolated, everything stripped away from them, and them being hurt until they can no longer remember anything they wanted to live for. Even their basic instinct to survive is stripped frm them as pain is too large for them to be able to sustain themselves, there's no longer anything in this person's life worth living for, nothing they remember about who they were, no warm thought they can think about themselves, and they're repeatedly told they deserve this, they've wanted this. Until there's nothing of them left.
That was me, but from the start. I didn't get to experience having a life, family, loved ones, interests, dreams, community, or any of that first, I didn't get to know how it was to have any of that! From the very start it was pain and being told that this is all there is, and that I'm stupid for ever thinking there would be anything more to life, that it is in fact, only terror and death and I'm a weakling for not taking it better, everyone else is dealing with this just fine. Shame and guilt were the only traits I could have, I didn't know anything further about me. Nobody knew me because nobody saw me being abused. Nobody could know I was worthless, it had to be my private hell. I would have to live only to the point where it was decided that it was enough and I had to die, or until the point where I couldn't take it anymore and take my own life, even though I so strongly didn't want to, even that basic desire was tempered with and overwritten by pain.
Who would want a life like that? Life of not only being aware that nobody cares about you, but everyone around you is willing to inflict pain on you until you wish to die, but can't. Where crying and screaming is forbidden even when you can't breathe from the amount of pain you're in; you're not even allowed to cry out. You fight with yourself every day on how badly you want to die and why you can't, and it doesn't help, you get lost in magical thinking in order to escape from the hell you're in, but you're brutally reminded of it every time you interact with anyone, when they find you hiding under the bed and dreaming. You don't even know that you're supposed to have loved ones, be safe, be unharmed, that life is supposed to be different, that you're not alive only to be a target, that you're worth anything. You don't even know that you're supposed to have more freedom in life than to choose the manner and time of your death, this is all that's dealt to you. And now, live, see how far you can get before you die. Would anyone choose that? Would anyone decide to be born into a life like that? Wouldn't you choose not to exist at all rather than be put trough that? To be erased and then having to keep on living while thinking you in fact, deserve death, and should do it yourself, and you know if you do die, it won't matter, just like your life didn't? Because people around you regularly nearly kill you and then laugh about it like it was a funny joke? They humiliate you for how ugly you look close to death? You're scared that your last moment will be humiliation for how unseemly your corpse looks and you're hoping you'd be able to die alone, to not be berated as you're dying.
Death is nothing to me compared to this. Waiting to die is worse than death. Endless anticipation of pain is worse than death. Having everything about you erased by pain is worse. Not knowing anything about yourself except that you are incredibly shameful existence and that you need to feel guilty all of the time, is worse. Watching people around you receive care and warmth while you're stuck watching death in the face silently, pretending it's not happening, and trying to not have anyone's attention on yourself because someone noticing means more pain, more shame and guilt. It's worse. Kill me any fucking day. But this will always be worse. Every time I face the reality of my life I wish I had died in the womb, at childbirth, I wish I had died when I was 1, 2, 3, 5, 10, 12, any time before I experienced all this. It would have been so much less pain. It would have been so much easier on me.
And I've already given up on ever having a place in anyone's heart, because at this point, I don't have it in me to make people love me. I have nothing about me that is other people find worth caring for, I made peace with it. There will be no loved ones, and thats fine. But at least then I should get to live my life alone the way I want it. I should find joy in being who I found I am, and doing what I want to do. I should get to do things that give me a little bit of pleasure and enjoyment, and I should be safe, and death should no longer come knocking at my door, staring me down like I owe it something. If I can't even have that, then to hell with everything. What is the fucking point of anything if all my life is a continued slow torture until I can no longer bear it. I have nobody to bear it for, nobody would be harmed by my death. But I also don't deserve to die, because I want to live, and this should be mine. Who the fuck dares to try and take this away from me again. I want to fucking explode. If I have to make my own justice then how do I do it. I literally just want to live. And I see other people having at least that much secured for them. Why can't I at least have that much. I am seriously asking for the bare fucking minimum.
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averlym · 11 months
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litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)
#at some point i wanted to make an illustration for each character but in retrospect maybe each is multiple song-coded..#drew the sketch for a quincy thing after a chat with a mutual reminded me this song existed dfsghjkl and then spent weeks rendering this#quincy cynthius martin#adamandi#i'm finally done with this! the saints especially were joys to paint and the halo a menace.... this has been the most ambitious one so far.#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it <engages with quincy> when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious#but i do identify with the irrational(?ish) guilt + family legacy + academic achievement + disregard for self. also more complex thoughts#about love [but depsite quincent being a large part of quincy's character this piece deals with mostly the Rest of it. so another time..]#anyways! in the original sketch- the saints had heads bent towards quincy so the halo spikes pointed at him. but this worked better! halos#of the saints implying/creating one for quincy was a concept from the start though. in the show they don't touch him directly here but#differences in mediums i think- i don't have time in an image to craft a narrative so everything has to be happening. also artistic liberty#misc inspiration for this includes stained glass windows. i might have maybe misinterpreted the saint costume but i think i logic-ed it out#as the cloth part following a nun's habit w the hood. and then halo above. the material is also more transparent originally but i had. um.#too much fun painting fabric folds.. if you look closely you can see the basis of faces though behind the cloth; but only the vague shapes#because smth obscurity + inhumanness// cassian is the only one i gave a mouth though. that stems from melliot's post about the saints and#st cassian as spokesperson (<- did research teehee!) that's also how i found out which costume = which saint. speaking of which.#left to right: 'st lucy take my hand' // 'st lawrence give me strength' (presses quincy forward; but hand on shoulder connotates guidance)#/'st cassian help me smile' (quincy's mouth is btwn a grimace and a smile; tilts up at side. also no direct touch bc added insidiousness.)#//'st jude [...] i hope your causes burn' (jude's hand is in two places to show movement- nearing the flame and then snatching back; burnt)#other notes: at the midst of the flame the core is shaped like a human heart /the saints and their wax are all melting like the candle for#fun visual effect and also this way they are even less tangible <real>. perks of painting as a medium i guess. // also insp from icarus?#wax and burning imagery; looking at the halo and rays as parallel to sun that burns. too close to the sun; melting; hurting; hurtling //#candles at bottom are a nod to the frankly gorgeous set// also the entire composition kind of stems from the lyric <what use is a candle if#both ends aren't burning>; the two sides between the concepts of catholic guilt and academic perfection that spur quincy#the halo above (saints and guilt; litanyofthemartyrs) and the 'halo' below (academic papers; insp from choreo for perfect at school)#the papers were originally supposed to be more glowy. but i like the idea of it now being a reflection of how quincy's priorities shift#also of note is that <candle> in centre = quincy; w burning candle + aforementioned heart in flame -> most human; idea of love + passion#last thoughts: kneeling + hands close tgt = prayer //wax dripping onto the red As make an effect that looks like blood. because i like#hiding that within the adamandi pieces :OO continuity!! // i've run out of tags but yeah! had fun with this one! every so often i go a#little insane in making art and the final result astounds even me. ngl i'm quite proud of this one. pretty colours <3333
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canisalbus · 1 year
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IDK if I'm phrasing this correctly, but in my brain, Vasco is, like, the personification (caninification?) of an afternoon chilling on a back porch swing.
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#ah#that's adorable#I can totally imagine him doing that#answered#anonymous#Vasco#to me he usually conjures the feeling of being warmed by sunlight#winters in northern Finland where I'm from tend to be pretty rough at least for me they are#they last about six months or so#sun starts to set earlier and earlier until it gets dark before 2 pm#in december the sun barely rises at all it's like this brief moment of twilight at noon between two 22+ hour nights#it gets harder to wake up in the morning and your energy levels plummet you go into battery saving mode#polar night messes up your brain seasonal depression gets really bad#and the cold and dark goes on and on and you feel like you'll never feel warm or happy or properly awake again#but eventually it starts to veer towards spring and on one day you notice that the sun is shining??!?!#not like bleakly and weakly but proper sunlight with warm hue and capability to actually warm the things it touches#you've forgotten what it looks like when it's truly light outside#and it's the craziest feeling to see bright natural light it blinds you and pierces right through into your very core#being kissed by the sun for the first time in months feels unreal it feels SO GOOD#I don't know it's probably not that big of a deal for people around me#but I personally react to things like changes in temperature and the amount of daylight pretty massively#I like to think that Vasco is a first ray of sunlight hitting you after you've spent what feels like an eternity in someplace cold and dark
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p0rk-guts · 4 months
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Hey Stolitz fans is now a good time to post my fankid or are you all still raw
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This is Ronnie: a fankid who started off as a character design exercise and—like every other character design exercise I attempt—turned into a whole thing. I'm not a true Stolitz shipper and truly believe their relationship will never work in this show (key phrase in this show I'm sure someone else could fix them) but I fell down a rabbit hole with this girl. So she exists in some radially different au where somehow Stolas gets boy pregnant and they have their mpreg baby. Very implausible but surprisingly fun to make headcanons for. Yippee
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Very not 100% on her main outfit (accidental boyfriend fnf swag oops) or any of these tbh I made them off the cuff and they kinda ass but it's cool. Also the sonic ass haircut is a choice but I definitely fuck with it
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Finally the drafts
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gaywizardzone · 4 months
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my page for @dgm20thproject !! had a lot of fun reinterpreting this page...it's a favorite of mine :) happy birthday d.gray-man i love you forever
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stargazing-enby · 27 days
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Can someone tell me to do it scared
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dollypopup · 5 months
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sorry, just had to get this off my chest but like
colin, a young and attractive guy, supposedly having a threesome and watching a sex show performed by professionals whom he pays for their service when he is single and exploring what he does and doesn't like is bad for penelope, somehow
but debling a 30+ year old man feeling all up on her waist in public when she is a teenager and he has power and privilege over her and has known her for a grand total of like a week and a half is good, somehow
like this fandom has legit called Colin, a 22 year old man with like. . .2 UNCONFIRMED sexual interactions in the past a groomer for getting with Penelope and maybe introducing her to his interests (after spending YEARS listening to her and cherishing her and thinking she's fantastic) but will root on the actual 30+ year old man with an enormous power imbalance over her via his money and title to have his way with her in a backroom somewhere after knowing her for like a month
make it make sense please
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hooked-on-elvis · 11 months
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Isn't Elvis looking extra important here? IDK WHY. He's just so... serious... and the glasses... OH! Fantastic. I love that picture.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I wish I had more info about the picture but I don't unfortunately. I hope I find something out soon. The year, surely is 1974 (the calendar behind him). Edit: @eptodaytommorwforever was the sweetest adding great info on this pic for us in the comments: "He’s Signing An Important Document Backstage Here Before Is Show in Ohio Here For The Swedish Fan Club Who To Thank Them For There Gifts And Awards To Be Announced At There Elvis Presley Fan Club Convention In 1974." - Based on that and Elvis' jumpsuit, I'm certain the picture was taken October, 1974.
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So I have been trying to keep up with the FoureverYou Project because I miss Cooheart and I am dying to see him paired up with Pond (180 Degrees) and I want to see Bas in something else too.
MDL doesn't list the directs or crew of this series. But I have been assuming it's New Siwaj because it's Wabi Sabi.
Recently I was reminded that Perfect10 liners is confirmed to be a New project as well. And this show is also shooting.
Now I have seen bts and vlog stuff from the Fourever You Project on New's instagram so I know he is on set for that. And the Q dates never match up between the two projects.
So I am forced to assume that New Siwaj is directing two projects with huge casts and multiple ships of 16 Episodes (Fourever You) and basically 30 Episodes - 10 x Ships (Perfect10 Liners) at the same time. And I don't think that's a great idea.
Multitasking on that level sounds awful for his health for one. And for two I am not convinced you can do justice to two big projects like this while splitting your time.
I am not sure where I am going with this. I am just re-adjusting my expectations early I guess.
Of course this could be more normal then I think and therefor not a big deal. If anybody as any info on another director who shot two bls at the same time or if that's common or whatever. Let me know. I would love to be wrong to be worried.
@lurkingshan Not sure if you want the update but since I mentioned the show to you fairly recently and you said you wanted to check it for cooheart I thought to tag you here. I guess we should go into it with low expectations.
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fallloverfic · 11 days
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I love singNsong again reminding people in Side Story that Dokja wanted other people to read TWSA (he wrote reviews and comments! It was his first wish), and he only stopped bothering because people harassed him for it. He didn't gate-keep the story. When he's avoiding talking to Sangah about it at the beginning of ORV, it's because he knows what happens when he tells people about the story, not because he's gate-keeping it from her. He notes he's not proud of his hobby (likely because he's been bullied all through his life, including for reading the thing he loves): he finds it embarrassing to talk about, and better respects her studying Spanish in her free time (learning another language is a generally accepted thing in society). He assumes she won't care or will look at him funny (or worse) for when she learns about the novel he's into.
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Basically anyone writing "let's gatekeep ORV" posts because of the anime announcement or because they dislike the manhwa or some other weirdness, y'all are the villains in the scenario.
The literal climax of the story is about sharing ORV with as many people as possible. What story were y'all reading?
#orv#really tired of the stupid gate-keepy bs in some parts of this fandom#omniscient reader's viewpoint#kim dokja#side story spoilers#it's been quite fascinating seeing novel fanatics come out of the woodwork against potential anime fans#while showing how much they hate the manhwa and manhwa fans too#the only actual official English translation we have is the manhwa#acting like we're all in this together like no#I adore the novel and the manhwa#and folks who started with the manhwa or just happen to also like the manhwa but also like the novel see you for what you are#avoiding talking about something is not gatekeeping#it's often recognizing various social cues#like oh this person probably isn't familiar and I don't care to explain#or I'm worried they'll treat me badly if they know#when you're trying to connect with someone you tend to look for things you share not stuff you don't#if Dokja heard about people trying to gatekeep orv he would be disgusted#also NOT gatekeeping orv is literally the climax of the story I am so deeply confused by people encouraging gatekeeping of it#you're making han suyeong mad#she didn't nearly kill herself writing orv in order to share it to everyone they could find so people could gatekeep it#that is literally the opposite of the goal#it's not bad to ask if folks have read the novel because for a variety of reasons folks may not have#but it is bad to act like reading the novel is a fandom requirement especially given all we have is a fantranslation using MTL#or you must love the novel above others or the novel only#I want singnsong to get fucking rich from this story they shared and which I and many adore#gatekeeping does not make that happen#also good luck getting people to buy the Yen Press novel translation when it comes out when you act like this#the manhwa is available in at least seven languages officially fuck off with this gatekeeping crap#don't get me started how a lot of y'all don't even know what twatf is and a good chunk of y'all who won't even touch it when you do know#and that doesn't exactly bother me but it does bug me when book purists get all high and mighty
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exotic-dinostuff · 3 months
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A declaration of love/friendship! <3
Or I'm just marking you as my next murder victim
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Whichever one you want ^^
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jade-of-mourning · 9 months
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dude likes cats probably
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