#Don't Wanna Break Up Again

[yangqism]

don't wanna break up again | dong sicheng

actor!dong sicheng x singer!femreader

synopsis. love and sicheng don't complement each other. despite being aware of that fact, it doesn’t stop you from coming back again and again, even if your set-up consumes you. or, sicheng and you are in an on and off situationship because he’s afraid of commitment.

genre. angst, romance (if there's any LOL), situationship

warnings. excessive use of the word "manager", reader wears contacts at some point, they have UNSPOKEN FEELINGS (mainly sicheng), industry pressure, toxic relationship (i mean, situationship </3)

words. 5,882

eternal sunshine. masterlist

it started on a red carpet, where you’d been cornered by a journalist asking about your upcoming album. sicheng was standing nearby, his black suit sharp and his gaze sharper. when he glanced your way, it felt like the world shifted. later, you found yourself seated next to him at an afterparty, where the conversation flowed like an unscripted duet.

“so, do singers always write about their own heartbreaks?” he teased, a faint smirk playing on his lips.

“only the memorable ones,” you replied, meeting his eyes with a challenge of your own and a smile that could melt the world.

you didn’t know it then, but he’d leave you with more than enough material.

it’s been two weeks since that interaction you’ve had with the industry’s most sought after actor. you’ve heard all the good things about sicheng. how he’s shy in real life and he’s cool on camera. but you believed that that simply can’t be true. 

but you also believed he’s hot and now you’re here, composing a song while thinking about that small interaction with him. you don’t know where this song would go or if this would even be published, but one thing’s for sure: no one would even know that this song is for him. 

“then i had this interaction i’ve been thinking about for like five weeks,” your manager read your lyrics, cringing at them after. “what the hell is this, y/n?”

“what? a girl can’t love or something?” you sighed, putting your ballpen down and waiting for another comment about the song you’re writing. “it’s about the guy.”

“yeah! i know it’s about the guy. and i’m pretty sure that you know that if you get tangled with him, the scandal is going to be big, right?” your manager sighed. you can tell that just by thinking about how much paperworks and apology letters you guys are gonna write, if ever, if ever you and sicheng ‘would’ have some romantic escapade, your manager’s hair would wither and he’d definitely not appreciate that.

“it’s just a song! and i don’t stand a chance with that big star. he’s probably dating an a-lister actress or something,” you replied. “like probably… he’s dating that lead actress of eternal sunshine! the nepo baby! y’know… their chemistry’s unmatched,” 

“ooh, yeah! i’m actually excited to watch that series because i’ve seen the interviews! oh my god they look so good together,” this time, your manager sat beside you, gushing about how sicheng and his lead partner look good together and how much he thinks that eternal sunshine would be a hit. 

“now you’re making me sad,” you pouted, the thought of not having a chance with a big shot actor hurts you more than not winning song of the year against iu. “i even made the title track of their series based off of the story and some real life happenings in the set,” you grinned, ready to tell your manager the tea you got off of the set of eternal sunshine back when you were invited by the director.

you weren’t able to see sicheng before because he had other gigs, but the rest of the cast were there, filming the other scenes that didn’t require the actor. 

“you know, oppa, i mean… who am i kidding? everyone knows qian kun, right?” you started to over exaggerate, “apparently, he likes the director! and everyone in the set knows it… and the director’s kinda shy about it.”

“honestly? if the golden boy qian kun likes me? i’ll marry him immediately.” 

“if it were you. but the director feels a bit insecure because kun’s perfect and all. but i do believe they look good together!” 

“and how did you get this information?”

“liu yangyang. eternal sunshine’s second male lead, the one who’s gonna get dumped in the end,” you stopped the sentence but your manager knew you’re about to dump the biggest, scandalous tea about the man, “but in real life, i heard he dumped dong sicheng’s lead partner.” 

“if i’m being honest? sicheng and that nepo baby’s chemistry is better than yangyang’s and her. but i do see some reason why they would hit off.” 

“no, oppa. you don’t get it, do you?” you sighed, “yangyang worked his ass off in this industry, the nepo baby got it because of her parents! sure, she acts well… but y’know, their vision in life might be different… maybe that’s why they didn’t become a real couple,”

“how about hendery? is he really handsome in person?” your manager curiously asked, “i heard he’s a real asshole.”

“damn right, he is! that man didn’t even acknowledge me nor the staff! he just went straight to the student nurse who was interning during the film to get some paracetamols i’m pretty sure he doesn’t need,” 

“so, hendery’s hot and an asshole. got it,” 

“and dejun… we made eye contact but that’s really it! he’s so afraid of human touch. but he’s so handsome too. even more handsome than hendery and i can feel that he treats everyone nicely, he’s just afraid of being too close,”

“you got all these crazy juices just from one visit on the set and it was enough for you to write eternal sunshine. your talent scares me sometimes,” you can’t really tell if your manager was complimenting you or is weirded out by how well you remember the facts the staff have told you during your time inside the set as well as your own perceptions of every actor in it but you’d take it positively because you do agree that eternal sunshine has some interesting talents in it.

“oh! before i forget, you know that award-winning photojournalist, right? ten lee? apparently, he’s exes with sicheng’s makeup artist and his award-winning piece was a picture of her when they were still together! that’s the kind of part i got inspired to write eternal sunshine, as well as the storyline.”

“they’re not together now?” 

“yeah, but it’s so weird because you can feel the tension and i think it’d be even weirder now because they’re wrapping up the first season and ten has to get the interesting bits while the makeup artist has to make sure sicheng is the interesting bit.”

“i can tell that you enjoyed your time there, y/n. but you better not tell anyone these or they will be in deep trouble.”

“i know! i just had to let it out to you because i know you love those actor rumours and stuff,” you rolled your eyes to your manager, already used to him warning you about getting in trouble from time to time. 

when he left, you immediately continued composing your song about you and sicheng’s interaction, acting like it went to something even more special. 

“i hope i can see him again…” you took a deep breath, looking at the paper you’re writing on, wishing to see and talk to him again.

you heard whispers that sicheng would attend the music festival you were headlining in but you never really took it seriously, considering the busy schedules he probably have because of eternal sunshine. but deep down, you wished he would come and see you perform… maybe he’d talk to you again and maybe he’d be interested in you.

as the sun was setting over the vibrant landscape of the music festival, you stood at the stage, taking a deep breath before looking into the crowd. of course, you were admiring your fans who came all the way from different cities just to see you but you were also hoping to see him. and that, you did. 

you could swore it was the most romantic thing ever because he was also looking into your eyes and when your orbs met? you saw a glint of something behind his glance… or maybe it was just your contacts. 

the music started and you sang one of your greatest hits, everytime, pouring your heart and soul into performing because it’s a song that you can definitely relate to now. ‘i hope he remembers me,’ you thought while singing, hyping the audience up to sing with you.

“why, oh why does god keep bringing me back to you?” you sang looking directly at sicheng who’s also looking at you with something you can’t put into words. you couldn’t really tell what it is that you saw in his eyes when you were performing because he’s with his friends a bit farther on the stage but at least, you could see him.

after your performance, your manager quickly led you to your dressing room where your staff quickly went near you to take off some of the heavy makeup, replacing it with some blush and lip balm so you could comfortably watch and enjoy the festival. 

“y/n, change into this outfit,” one of the staff said, giving you an outfit that is extremely better than the ones you have right now. you just nodded in agreement before going to the comfort room where you changed. 

“feel comfortable now?” your manager asked, giving you a water bottle. “i saw sicheng watching you! he looks so into your performance earlier, y/n,” he added.

you could tell he was teasing you but you didn’t care. you performed your best out there because he was watching. 

“it was just eye contact, oppa,” 

before your manager could respond back to you, a familiar figure towered you from behind and judging his reaction, it was the person you least expect to be in your dressing room right now. 

“oh, sicheng! what brings you here?”

“can i talk to y/n?” his voice was humble, gentle, and comforting. you could melt then and there when you felt his breath from your back. 

your manager gave you a reassuring smile, patted your shoulder, before giving the room all to you and sicheng. 

‘this is it,’ you thought. the man you’ve been crushing over for at least a month now, behind you. now, you guys are alone in your dressing room but you can’t even try to look at him without feeling nervous. 

“hi, y/n,” he started. 

“sicheng! so glad to see you here! i almost thought you forgot about me,” you sheepishly blabbered. this time, you faced him. 

and you almost died. 

the man standing in front of you is the hottest human being ever and people around you would definitely agree if you told them that sicheng is not just a random actor. he is the actor. 

“you were great out there,” he smiled, “it’s one of my favorite songs of yours,”

“i’m glad you like it! i had fun writing it last year,” 

he leaned against the wall, looking relaxed yet attentive. “so, which one of your exes inspired you to write that?” he caught you off-guard with his teasing remark, reminding you of your first encounter with each other.

“what’s with you and my exes? are you interested in them?”

“i’m just curious how they fumbled someone like you,” he shot back with a charming smile.

“flattery won’t get you anywhere, sicheng,” you laughed and tried to shake off what he had just said. “some things just don’t work out, you know,”

sicheng just nodded to what you have just said, “try it with me?” 

this time, you scoffed, “you’re an actor, i’m a singer. that’s like… a recipe for disaster.”

“i’d be in any disaster as long as i’m with you, y/n,” he retorted, eyes staring deeply into your orbs as he waited for your response. 

“whatever, sicheng,” you rolled your eyes, smiling lightly before your manager entered your dressing room again. 

when your manager entered the room, you looked into sicheng’s direction, as if to signal that his time with you is over and he took that as a sign to give you a short farewell. 

“see you soon, y/n,” was all he said before vanishing into the endless hallways of the festival’s backstage. 

your manager’s looking at you with that stupid grin on his face, “so? what happened here and why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost? you got turned off or what?”

“woah there, buddy. calm down with those questions, will you?”

but he couldn’t really stop smiling from your interaction with sicheng again. afterall, these days you’ve been thinking about the actor nonstop. 

“he wanted me to try to play the game of love with him. to be in a relationship with him, i guess?” this time, your manager smiled even wider, waiting for you to continue. “stop looking at me like a creepy man,”

“you know what this means right, y/n?” he started, “to have one of the most popular actors talk to you after your performance,” 

“yeah dude, it means they want to get in my pants!” you replied annoyingly.

“or you could’ve maintained the innocent route and answered, ‘oh! it means he’s interested in me!’” your manager mocked your voice to prove a point with both of his index and middle finger doing the air quote-unquote symbol. 

“i know…” you whined, “but what if we won’t work out? what if we end up like those songs i wrote about heartbreaks?” 

but your manager could only give you a reassuring tap on your shoulder, “then write another song about it,”

your manager is actually right. 

at this point in time, you might write another song about a heartbreak. it’s been months now, since that dressing room interaction with sicheng and after it, you found yourself entangled with the actor. in every place you never thought about, actually! 

“still waiting for him?” the lead actress asked you. 

right, you’re in the filming site right now, waiting for sicheng because he told you to come to his apartment later. you decided it was better for the both of you to come at the same time so as to prevent suspicion from the public eye. afterall, your manager is already stressed when you inform him about the situation with sicheng now.

“yeah, i am. how’s the filming going?” you tried to make a short conversation with the lead actress. even though the public has said countless bad comments about her, she’s actually nice and easygoing. and easygoing in a sense that this girl has probably never seen a bad guy in her life! 

“sicheng’s been acting grumpy nowadays. i think it has to do with his dating rumour with karina,” she started, sitting beside you. “you know how those idol-actor rumour goes,”

you nodded. of course, you do know how those go considering you’ve had countless rumours with many men, some of them you didn’t know even existed. but sicheng’s is different because his company keeps on pushing him to do it, telling him it’s ‘good’ publicity. 

before you and the lead actress of eternal sunshine could continue your conversation, sicheng and yangyang came into the picture. the latter gave you a gummy smile whilst signalling the lead actress to follow him. you assumed they have made up and are now in a relationship but you could only assume, sicheng doesn’t tell you stuff. 

“let’s go,” sicheng gave you a half-smile before leading you to his van where yuta, his manager, has been waiting for the both of you.

“hello, yuta,” you greeted politely.

“hi, y/n. sorry if it took long for sicheng to wrap up tonight, it’s an important scene that the director wants to finish immediately,” 

“you don’t need to tell her that, hyung. y/n understands, right?” the actor looked into your direction, giving you his charming smile. 

you smiled back, giving him the satisfaction. 

you will definitely write a song about this.

it’s never ending, honestly. your nights with sicheng in his apartment. him cuddling you to sleep while helping you write lyrics then you begging him to spoil eternal sunshine just for the man to smirk at your pleading face before telling you to go to sleep.

it’s those nights that made you stay with what you guys have but on mornings, you would wake up alone in his bed, leaving you wondering where he might have gone. 

on the first night he had left you alone, you waited until lunch for him to come home but he never did. you only realized that he had come to another filming site when your manager called you, worrying where’d you went the night before. then it happened again and again, urging you to tell your manager what really is happening but you couldn’t give an answer because the two of you haven’t talked about what you guys have right now. 

“it’s been hard, oppa,” you started, sighing on the way home the next morning after your encounter with sicheng and yuta last night. “i can’t believe i’m letting him do this to me,”

“why don’t you ask him about your status? you just can’t keep on waking up alone in that bed if you guys have something going on,”

“i don’t want to pressure sicheng, especially now when things start to get stressful in his work,”

your manager sighed in disbelief, closing his eyes in disappointment to what you have just said. “you’re preparing for an album too, y/n. things are also stressful on your side,” 

“he’s an actor, he has more things to think about than what we are,” 

you try to convince yourself that everything is okay. his texts grew shorter, his calls less frequent. hell, he rarely invites you on set. but when he’s with you? it was like he was a different person. soft, attentive, and present. he would make you dinner and tell you you’re the prettiest thing on earth, only to be left behind the morning after. 

mornings with sicheng are nonexistent. it made you feel used, unloved, and sad. but asking him your label is more humiliating. you’re afraid of putting things into his mouth, afraid he might lose interest in you if you’ve ever asked him about the two of you. 

you’re afraid to be too much for him. 

but you’re only human and he’s pushing you to the edge now. you’ve been overwhelmed with your recording session earlier and sicheng has not replied to any of your messages, even after you finished recording–your phone still had no sign of him seeing your chats and replying to you. 

after the grueling session with your manager inside the recording studio, you immediately left him to go at sicheng’s apartment, even if there’s a risk of getting caught by paparazzis. you just can’t help it now, you’re getting suffocated and confused and hurt. you’re getting every feeling you are not supposed to feel when in love. 

you rang his doorbell for the nth time until a sleepy sicheng opened the door. 

“do you even care about this?” if you weren’t tired and mad, you would’ve melted at his appearance now but your voice was trembling and your legs were shaking as he left you inside his apartment. 

“what kind of question is that, y/n?” his voice was sleepy but his tone was defensive.

“the kind i have to ask because you never let me in,” now, your frustration is spilling over and your mind is not working right. “i’m always the one chasing you, sicheng! aren’t you tired of running from me? haven’t you thought about what i feel?” 

for a moment, you thought he might say something to ease the ache in your chest. instead, he sighed and turned his back on you. “this is who i am, y/n. you agreed to be linked with someone like me in the first place. if i’m not enough for you, maybe you should leave,” 

the first break up was messy (like the other ones that followed). you tried to convince yourself that it was a mutual one but your manager, and everyone around you, didn’t believe you. 

you remember the way back home, your manager picking you up crying at sicheng’s apartment parking lot. he bit his lip and ran his fingers through his hair before picking you up, telling you to shush and calm down but you never did. all you did that night was cry and ask your manager if you were not enough. 

when your mind was kind of cleared, you realized that maybe distancing yourself to sicheng is for the better. afterall, you both had your careers and responsibilities. maybe being with an actor is really a disaster. 

but the break up didn’t last like how you expected it to do. a few weeks later, he showed up to your apartment, which also counts as the first time he went there, after his schedule. he didn’t greet you with his calm and comforting demeanor like the first time, he was cold and unreadable–distant but pleading.

“i shouldn’t be here,” he admitted as you told him to come inside, “but i couldn’t stay away,”

and just like that, you were back in the loop. nights that felt like promises and mornings that broke you all over again. 

“are you sure about this, y/n?” your manager oppa asked you.

“yeah! i feel him changing for the better, oppa,” you smiled brightly, eyes scanning the setlist for your upcoming concert.

“waking up with him beside you doesn’t count as change, y/n! you still haven’t asked him about what you guys are!” he scolded but you avoided his glance.

the truth is, you did. you asked again. it was inside your apartment this time. it was around december, when everything felt cold outside but inside felt even colder.

your head in sicheng’s lap as the both of you watched the latest episode of eternal sunshine. he was watching your reaction as kun’s character was being teased by the lead actress and hendery. 

“sicheng,” you called. 

“hmm?” 

“are you ready?” you asked. unlike the last time where you had the guts to confront him, you didn’t have the courage to do so that night. you were afraid of what he had to say but you wanted to ask. you had to ask him. 

“y/n…” he started, he was caressing your hair as if to comfort you but deep inside, you know it’s his conscience eating him up, “i’m sorry,” 

you shouldn’t have asked. 

it was humiliating but you can’t help the tears streaming down sicheng’s pajamas. you were crying while still in his lap. but what made you hurt more was him, raising the volume of the television just so he couldn’t hear you aching because of him. 

you fell asleep with an achy heart that night. the day after, sicheng distanced himself from you, feeling ashamed of what he did. you guys did break up again that time but you didn’t have the guts to tell your manager because, like what you expected, the both of you reconciled again. 

and then broke up, once more.

when eternal sunshine’s director invited you to the set again, you were hesitant to come but your manager encouraged you to do so, saying something along the lines of ‘face your fears’ or something. 

“hello, y/n! long time no see!” the director beamed at your presence, “i told sicheng to bring you here anytime but he never did! your presence is missed deeply,” 

“oh… we kinda broke up,” you sheepishly said, the atmosphere now awkward. before the director could apologize, you quickly added “it’s not like there’s something to ‘break’ ‘cause there was never an us in the first place… but y’know,”

she gave you a sad smile, “it didn’t work out, huh?”

“he didn’t work it out with me,” 

it was true. you tried your best to understand sicheng but every break up you guys had also made him even distant. sure, he was better than the first one–he would kiss your cheek, make you dinner and breakfast but everything felt empty. as if he was doing all those stuff to keep you to stay. 

“anyways,” the director cleared her throat, “i called you here because i wanted to talk about the album you’re doing for season 1 and 2. i assume your manager has told you to have it finished by the exact time the last episode of season 1 airs?” 

you nodded. even during the second break up that your manager didn’t know, he made you aware of the album situation with eternal sunshine. the ost you made became a hit that everyone is demanding another song from you for the series however, both parties agreed that an album would be beneficial for you and the drama. 

you couldn’t say no to your manager, especially when he looked so ecstatic telling you about the opportunity. music was your escape, but during those times it was tying you even closer to the man you couldn’t let go of. 

making an album for the drama also includes you visiting the set just so you could get the vibes, to make it as close to the characters as possible. 

“y/n-ssi! dejun made cookies and he said this is for you,” qian kun warmly acknowledged your presence before giving you the cookies dejun had made, “he said it’s for you. he hopes that he can cheer you up with these,” 

“oh, thank you, kun! i hope to see him next time to give thanks personally,” you gladly accepted the cookies and yangyang joined in your conversation. 

“that won’t happen, noona! dejun always disappears after his scenes so he’s not really close to anyone except the cast,” yangyang butted in, picking a cookie from your stash. “yum!” 

“yangyang!” kun tried to scold the younger man but he already dashed off to where the director was, discussing the next scene. 

“have you tried to make a move on the director yet, kun?” you teased, knowing that he had been trying to make a move, it’s just that the director keeps on dodging his advances.

“trust me, y/n. i’ve been trying,” he sounded so helpless you almost saw you in him, when you were still a mess. “he’s coming,” 

kun warned you but it couldn’t prepare you to see sicheng again, after a month. you vividly remember that time when you guys reconciled but called it off again after a week. this is the first time you’re seeing him again as you were determined to not meet him when visiting the filming site. 

“long time no see, y/n-ssi,”

and it hurt you more than the break ups you had with him.

the album, also titled eternal sunshine, became your most personal work. each track was a piece of your heart laid bare as well as the cast’s personal stories they had disclosed to you, but one song in particular, don’t wanna break up again, resonated louder than the rest. it was raw. it was everything you wanted to say put into a song. every lyric was a plea you can’t say aloud. 

when the album was released alongside the last episodes of the series, it was an instant hit. interviews came pouring in, but the questions were never just about the music. everyone wanted to know who the music was for.

“so, y/n! it’s been so long!” the host greeted you, “the song, don’t wanna break up again, is incredibly emotional! everyone was hooked! can you possibly tell us what inspired you to write such a heart wrenching song?” 

you hesitated for a moment, your chest tightening. a particular name was aching to be let out by your mouth but you swallowed it down. you smiled forcefully, like what the management had trained you before when you were still a trainee. “it’s about loving someone who pushes you into your limit, thinking you’re too much for them,” you said every word carefully, “that even though they’re making you feel all the bad stuff, you still hold onto them–like a cycle of losing and wanting,” 

“sounds personal,” the interviewer teased, wanting to pry just a little more. “is it based on your own experience?”

your throat felt dry, but you gracefully replied, “i think it’s fitting for eternal sunshine, actually! but i think everyone’s been through something like that,” 

but not everyone had a sicheng. not everyone had nights where love was promised and mornings where it shattered into pieces. 

the thing you have been dreading to happen, happened. your fans caught up to everything. the media caught up. 

the speculation began online after the wrapping up press conference of the cast where they were singing your album’s tracks. the part where they were singing don’t wanna break up again trended like wildfire that everyone talked about for weeks… because they were singing it straight into sicheng’s face.

clues were pieced together. from your social media posts, sicheng’s cryptic interviews, to his unusual behavior while everyone was singing your song. 

to your fans, it made total sense. this was your most personal album and everything you and sicheng had been saying on your separate interviews during the ‘plotted’ timeline, as what they have been saying on x, connected with each other. 

“GUYS! do you remember when sicheng was wearing a hoodie oddly similar to y/n’s and then us finding out it was custom-made?” one fan tweeted, garnering thousands of likes.  “‘we both know this time, so we say goodbye’ y/n REALLY got in the studio, wrote THIS, and thought we wouldn’t figure it out. sis, you played yourself,” another one butted in.  “‘this situationship has to end but i just can't refuse’ i KNOW this line has sicheng pacing around his living room rn. he’s probably listening to it on repeat like the rest of us but for HIM it’s personal.”

“this is bad, y/n! everyone’s linking you to sicheng,” stress is an understatement if you were to describe your manager right now, answering calls and texts here and there.

“if this was months ago, i would’ve loved all of these, won’t i?” you teased, remembering the time you imagined your manager’s hair withering from the stress a dating scandal with sicheng would bring him, not thinking it would become real. 

soon, you and sicheng became a hot topic together, with the netizens creating video edits pairing scenes from eternal sunshine with snippets of your performances. every lyric from that song of yours was scrutinized, with don’t wanna break up again becoming the anthem of the speculation. 

it was only a matter of time a fearless journalist popped the question, “your fans are convinced that the song is about a certain actor. do you have any comments on that?”

that wasn’t part of the question list they have submitted on your management prior to this interview so you were taken a back. you looked at the side to see your manager’s eyebrows knitted together, completely disappointed to the journalist. “i think art speaks for itself, it’s up for the listener to interpret it,” you replied, giving the journalist a kind smile. 

“but doesn’t it make you uncomfortable, knowing that everyone is connecting your song to someone specific?” it seems like a kind smile won’t falter this journalist’s pressing questions. 

“heartbreak is universal. the details don’t matter as much as the emotions,” 

behind close doors, however, the attention was harder to ignore. your team advised you to avoid addressing the rumours and apologized for the inconvenience the journalist had caused earlier. 

“it’s fine, it’s not like everyone expected for that to happen,” brushing off their concern.

despite the media buzzing over the possible ‘biggest’ dating rumour ever in the industry, sicheng and his management remained silent. it stung you deeply, for him, someone you loved dearly, to not go against his management rules and defend you. but what’s there for him to defend about? 

his management, so quick to fabricate a public romance with karina to boost his movie, now met the storm with a calculated indifference. no denial, no defense–just the old school silence, hoping it will die down after a day or so. as if you were just a fleeting rumour unworthy of their acknowledgement. 

sadly, the buzz grew when photos surfaced of the two of you entering sicheng’s apartment. you think it was that night when you were overwhelmed with everything that you just stormed out of your recording booth to ask him. thankfully, the photo didn’t show you and sicheng’s face but with the silhouette? it was clear that it was the both of you.

one evening, after another press junket, you found yourself face-to-face with sichang again. he’d been avoiding you per his management’s request but here he is, leaning against the wall of your dressing room. 

it was like the first meeting again. when he asked you out.

“the album,” he started. his voice was softer than you expected, making you remember the nights where he’d sing to you, “it’s beautiful,”

you forced a smile, “thank you,” your tone was neutral, “i guess heartbreak makes good music,”

his jaw tightened, “you think i don’t know?”

this time, you tried your best not to let out a sarcastic laugh, “do you?” you were challenging him, stepping closer to feel his aura deteriorating, “because you made sure it never stops,” 

for a moment, sicheng didn’t say anything and you thought he’d run away from you again. then, quietly, “i never wanted to hurt you, y/n,”

“but you did, sicheng!” your voice was full of ache, “and you kept on doing it. every time, sicheng… i think i’ve moved on and then you pull me back in. i thought you were getting better but you didn’t. i thought i was too much for asking what we had, you know? you made me feel bad for demanding things that shouldn’t been demanded in the first place,” 

he tried to touch your cheek, noticing a tear falling down your eye but you stepped back, “i’m sorry, y/n,” 

you shook your head, “just stop, sicheng. please?”

the final break up, or the closure (like what your manager likes to call it), wasn’t loud or dramatic. it was quiet, mature, and comforting. it was like a song fading out. the first weeks, he kept on calling, begging you to stay by his side but you know that if you did, you’ll be back in the cycle that favors him the most, the type where you lose yourself in the process. 

so, you stopped answering his calls and eventually, he stopped making them. 

the world never really moved on from you and sicheng but the speculations died down. in the end, your album and the series’ excellence were praised by everyone without bringing up the scandalous romantic escapade you had with sicheng. 

late at night, when you stared out at the city lights, the memories still lingered, soft yet cutting. despite knowing how disastrous it was to love him, you had returned again and again, hoping for something more… something that he wasn’t ready to give you despite him telling you to try it with him. 

and in the end, you let him slip through your fingers, even as your heart begged you to hold on just one more time. because beneath the longing for his touch and warmth, you know it had to end at some point. 

COMING UP NEXT.  “yangyang worked his ass off in this industry, the nepo baby got it because of her parents! sure, she acts well… but y’know, their vision in life might be different… maybe that’s why they didn’t become a real couple,”

[goldenstattoo]

— ariana grande ; gifs

[lazysublimeengineer]

If the sun refused to shine Baby, would I still be your lover? Would you want me there? If the moon went dark tonight

And if it all ended tomorrow Would I be the one on your mind? Your mind? Your mind?

And if it all ended tomorrow Would you be the one on mine?

[musicmattersmedia]

Welcome to this episode of Music Matters Media, where we dive headfirst into Ariana Grande's highly anticipated seventh studio album, 'Eternal Sunshine.' Released to a thunderous reception, the album shattered Spotify's global single-day streaming record for 2024 with an astonishing 58.1 million streams! Join us as we unpack Ariana's grand return to the music scene and her memorable Saturday Night Live performance. Listen as we give you an in-depth analysis of 'Eternal Sunshine.' We discuss the sonic landscape of the record, and we'll share the highlights, our personal favorite tracks, and where we think this album lands in her discography. Don't miss our rating of Grande's return and discover if 'Eternal Sunshine' lives up to its luminous title.

Visit our website: MusicMattersMedia.com All Music Matters Media links: linktr.ee/musicmattersmedia

Ariana's SNL Performances: https://youtu.be/pLBXk3nMVAQ?si=qwHkROmJ6vD_aw3u

https://youtu.be/sgw3BmOb5eI?si=GiwECdiXtfmmFzNu

[bonniehooper]

Top Picks of 2024

My Top 20 Favorite Albums - #6: Ariana Grande “eternal sunshine"

Release Date: October

Favorite Tracks: “intro (end of the world)”, “bye”, “don’t wanna break up again”, “eternal sunshine”, “supernatural”, “true story”, “yes, and?”, “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)”, “I wish I hated you”, and “imperfect for you”

[nocofamilyau]

man wtf is up with him?? (15/24)

[sergle]

I need SO BADLY to be medicated for anxiety, bro.. I should be able to do Labor without breaking a sweat over typing an email

[soup-is-here]

Mouthwashing Spoilers

TW: Addiction and Self Harm

I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though

It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?

Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!

And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there

We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.

I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.

I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?

Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.

But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.

[brionysea]

when max is depressed we know something's wrong because lucas says with his words that he knows something's wrong but when mike is depressed we don't think anything of it because will's right next to him rolling his eyes about how stupid straight people are

[byanyan]

ngl i came embarrassingly close to posting the unfinished carrd as a wip bc i'm so fucking impatient. but!! i'm proud to announce that instead, i wrote another chunk of bio and made some decent progress with it!! much as i want to get it out there, i'd really prefer to publish it all nice & completed, so... i'm holding myself back.

not sure how much longer it'll take me... hopefully not too long bc i'd really like to get on my drafts here but i literally cannot get myself to focus on that until i get this stupid carrd done. thank you all for being so patient with me, i know i've been saying this a looooooot lately but it really does mean so much to me ;A;

[soulmvtes]

ari's new album is a slay actually...

[seventeendeer]

I do tons of creative stuff that I'm really proud of and love to death, but I never have any good creative tips to share with anyone bc my workflow is literally just "wait until the moment the idea of working on the thing makes you sooooo happys and then do it perfectly on the first try! and if it's not perfect on the first try, give up and do something else :)" like idk maybe I'm built wrong. or maybe it's everyone else in the world who's built wrong. anyway pro tip for making cool stuff all the time for all the artists and writers and whatnot out there: follow every stupid whim that comes over you, don't fuck up ever, and make sure to give up when things don't go your way 👍 it just works