#Don’t bother reading it; it’s just a bit of self reflection

[aeolianblues]

Realising that any deliberate decision on what to wear actually is style was quite a revelation. I’m pretty minimal on fashion, my one and only driving philosophy for fashion was avoiding the fashion faux pas instilled into me by a bunch of bullies who would well, bully me if I ever wore the same shirt twice in a row (which is pretty fucking wild, given we were in school uniform until 4 pm, so you’re only talking about clothes that have been worn for three hours at most). Other than that, I was a pretty standard jeans-and-tee person, with minimal variation in swapping out jeans for a few other kinds of trousers, and tees for an assortment of shirts or sweaters sometimes. I was never really a skirts sort of person, I don’t know if I’d independently liked or disliked them, I did wear them as a school uniform until I was 18 though, so I imagine I’d be neutral to them, but then again, I was often hairy and unbothered so honestly after a while, I just got tired of being Looked At That Way and stopped wearing skirts outside of school. I might come back to it when I have the ungodly number of hours needed to pretend your legs didn’t free come with hair attached, or if society calms its tits about like, non-fine, downy hair. Like visible hair. And I’d be lying if I said it’s a fun game to play, ‘guess whether this man is staring at my legs because he’s never seen thick hair on girl-presenting legs or if he is actively sexualising me which is not often the safest situation for me’. It’s just easier to avoid the situation altogether.

In the face of working with whatever limitations exist in a world where we have only the normal amount of time and energy to deal with them, it’s been quite surprising and wonderful to discover that I can make little decisions that still make me not come across as completely drab. You might not care for the full visual aspect of fashion, but I think sometimes you still subtly give people cues about yourself with what you wear.

While I don’t imagine people could necessarily say, pull my personality or music taste from what I wear, there are still some broad points that could perhaps be gleaned from what I choose not to do (which sometimes, as in the case of 17-year-old me, was beyond the clothing which was fixed for the first 8ish hours, with a school uniform, but perhaps could be got from like. Hairy arms. Hairstyles. Nails (or lack, thereof). Other things).

I think style isn’t even about looking ‘good’, it’s sometimes just about being in control of that image, and having say in what people get about yourself from that first look.

So in that way, things like band tees probably resonated with me more than they should have. Here’s a pretty direct way to tell people something—something fairly anonymous too—about yourself. I’m not a fan of like, uni merch, flags, city hoodies, that sort of thing. I find it to be unnecessarily identifiable information that I may not want to offer up to complete passersby (which isn’t to say I actively hunt people who do it, I am just saying that I don’t like to hand that out about myself).

So to make small little changes— make scarves an essential part of my wardrobe, summer or winter, sunglasses, a certain way of wearing the same clothes I would wear otherwise: tucked in sort of indie/post punk rather than loose shirts, that sort of thing. I don’t always even realise I’m doing it, it just seems like the more comfortable thing to do, or you’ll accidentally stumble across a look from dressing wrong once. But it makes all the difference between ‘first shirt off the floor’ (which I’m not really) to someone that makes comfortable (or what is now sort of being labelled grunge as 90s looks cycle back into focus) their deliberate look. I’ve also definitely been helped by some of that stuff incidentally becoming a cool look again. But at the end of the day, for someone to commend a fit you’re wearing that doesn’t make you feel like you’re inhabiting a whole different individual is so so great and is something I really value. I don’t know if it’s even the word for the (unmistakably minor) circumstances, but it feels kind of empowering.

[kwanisms]

Kinktober 「10:14」 — j.wonwoo

» seventeen menu | wonwoo menu | kinktober masterlist «

➮ vampire!Wonwoo × fem!Reader wc: 3.8k summary: Y/N has always avoided sex during her period in the past. Not because she found it gross but because her partners did. Wonwoo is different. Wonwoo loves it. Wonwoo also happens to be a vampire so he might be a bit biased. genres/themes/au: angst/fluff/smut; supernatural, horror, thriller; non idol au, monster idol au warnings: adult dialogue, female reader, supernatural and horror themes, vampires, mentions of: food consumption, blood & blood consumption (vampire, remember?), periods and menstruation, vampiric powers & abilities; sexual content (18+ mdni), see smut warnings under the cut! taglist has been moved to reblogs join my taglists! kinktober taglist is closed! Strikethrough means I cannot tag you.  MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. AGELESS BLOGS WILL ALSO BE BLOCKED.

a/n: i've already stated in the smut warnings but if blood bothers you, DO NOT READ THIS. if period sex bothers you, DO NOT READ THIS. This is filthy, nasty, and i don't care lol i've done my part to warn those who don't want to see this. to those of you that do read this, i see you and i'm kissing ur forehead. wonwoo is a vampire, blood does no phase him at all. this is for my bestie Sky cause this is her main ult so, enjoy this, my love! as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only.

smut warnings: teratophilia (aka monsterfucking), bloodplay (if it makes you uncomfortable, LOOK AWAY. i’m not responsible for your media consumption. I’m warning you now. If anything to do with blood makes you uncomfortable, this fic is not for you!), period sex (again. Look away if you don’t like it.), oral (m receiving, f receiving), fingering (f receiving), unprotected sex (use condoms. Wonwoo doesn’t need to cause this ain’t twilight), use of pet names (darling, baby, etc.), soft dom!Wonwoo, sub!Reader, I think that’s everything but if I missed something, let me know! kinks: Bloodplay + period sex dialogue prompt: ❛❛ Aw darling, I almost believe you. ❜❜

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“Are you sure there isn’t anything else?” your boyfriend asked over the phone. “All I have here are pads, chocolate, sliced pepperonis, and root beer. Do you need a heating pad or some pain relief?”

You let out a soft laugh as you leaned back against your pillows. “No,” you answered. “I have the heating pad and I’ve already taken enough ibuprofen to knock out a child,” you continued. “I just need those things.” Silence fell over you as you adjusted the heating pad that was tucked under your blanket.

“And maybe you,” you added in an undertone. You heard a deep chuckle on the other side of the phone. “Well, let me check out and then once I’m there, I’m all yours, baby,” Wonwoo answered. “Okay, please hurry,” you said as another cramp hit, a sharp pain deep in your abdomen making you wince and whimper in pain.

Wonwoo frowned as he heard you whimper. He hated seeing and hearing you in pain, it made his non beating heart hurt. “Can you open a window?” he asked as he headed towards the self checkout. “Yeah.. I think so. Why?” you asked, confusion in your voice.

“So I can just come in without bothering with the front door,” Wonwoo answered as he started to set his items down, scanning them while holding the phone to his ear. “Jeon Wonwoo, you are not flying into my open window on the twentieth story! You will use the lobby elevator like everyone else,” you scolded. 

Wonwoo held back a laugh as a smirk crossed his face as he deposited his scanned items into a plastic bag. “Unless you want everyone to know you’re a vampire, I suggest you act like a person and walk through the front door like all guests do.” As he finished scanning, he tucked his phone between his ear and shoulder as he fished out his wallet.

“Alright, alright,” he said as he pulled out his card, holding it over the reader until the light blinked and the reader beeped. He slid the card back into his wallet, stuffing it back in his pocket as he grabbed his phone and bag, nodding towards the store attendant and making a move for the exit.

“I promise I will walk through the front door, use the elevator, and walk to your door like every other normal, boring human,” he whispered as he exited the shop onto the sidewalk. “Good,” you replied, sounding pleased. “Let yourself in,” you added quickly. “You know the code.”

The walk to your place was only ten minutes for him from the shop where he’d picked up the items you requested and then some. The thought of flying to your window and entering your apartment that way was even more appealing as he forced himself to walk the same pace as those around him. It would have saved so much time but he did promise.

The elevator ride up was slow but thankfully empty and when he reached your floor, he walked to your door at the end of the hall, punching in the code on the number pad which beeped and he let himself in, opening the door and shutting it behind him.

Your apartment was cool, mimicking the cool temperatures outside over the misty city. He walked further into the apartment after removing his shoes. He walked into the kitchen, setting the bag on the counter and unpacking the things he bought. As he put the bag away, he heard a small whine coming from your room. He walked down to your room in a split second and carefully pushed open the door, peering into the room.

The curtains had been drawn, leaving only a sliver of light coming into the room. The TV was on, some show you weren’t paying attention to playing in the background. On the middle of the bed, wrapped in blankets and surrounded by a small mountain of plushies was a lump which he could correctly assume was you. He let himself into the room, crossing to the edge of your bed and removing his coat which he threw on the chair in the corner.

He gently climbed onto the bed, the movement making your body dip with the mattress.

You turned slowly, looking up at him, only your face visible from a small hole in your blanket burrito. Wonwoo let out a chuckle as he laid down behind you, sliding an arm under your entire body and pulled you back against him. “You feeling okay, sweetheart?” he asked softly.

“I’m fine,” you grumbled but he could tell you felt anything but fine.

“Aw, darling,” he said softly, a hint of amusement to his voice. “I almost believe you.”

After a moment, he felt you shake your head no and he only tightened his grip. “It hurts,” you said in a broken voice. “I know,” he murmured, lifting his head and moving a hand to pull the blanket back to expose your head. “I know it hurts, baby,” he repeated, pressing a kiss to the back of your head. “And you can’t take any more medicine?” You shook your head again.

“I’ve already taken so much. It’s just not working,” you cried softly. Wonwoo grimaced as your body jerked in pain, doubling over. “Let’s get you something to eat,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to the back of your head. “No,” you answered, tucking your head into the blankets. Wonwoo chuckled as he sat up, pulling you into his lap so you were on your back, looking up at him.

“I’m sure you’ll feel better after you eat something,” he said, gently caressing your cheek. “Come on,” he said as he helped you sit up, unwrapping the blankets. You whined as the cool air hit your exposed skin. “You can wrap back up once you get off the bed,” Wonwoo said as he got to his feet, holding your blanket. You scrambled up to join him and he quickly wrapped the blanket around you, enveloping you in its warmth.

“I got all your favorites,” he said as he guided you to the door and down the hall to the living area. You climbed up into one of the stools at the island as he walked into the kitchen, turning on the overhead light. You looked at the spread with wide eyes. “You really went all out,” you said softly.

Wonwoo smiled, walking over to the sink and turning on the faucet to wash his hands. He then moved to open one of your cupboards, grabbing one of your pots, filling it with water and placing it on the stove, turning the burner on. “I was thinking army stew,” he said as he moved to the fridge, peering inside to see what you had, grabbing a package of tiny sausages, a couple eggs, some cheese, and veggies.

You watched as he worked, cutting veggies faster than your eyes could keep up. He added the soup base for the ramen as well as a few other sauce items before adding the sausages, some spam he found in the pantry, fishcake, and the veggies. As those boiled, he cracked the eggs, adding them to a bowl and whisking them with chopsticks.

He added the noodles, cheese and carefully poured the egg mixture in once the noodles softened and placed a lid over it. While it finished cooking, he opened the convenience store tteokbokki, adding the sauce packet and water before placing it in the microwave.

Once everything was done, he moved you to the table, setting up the hotplate before bringing over the pan of stew and setting it down on the hotplate. He finished setting the table, grabbing something to drink and set those down as well before sitting with you. He filled your bowl first before serving himself and you shook your head. 

“You didn’t have to do all this,” you said softly. “I would have been fine with just some convenience store ramen.” Wonwoo smiled as you took a bite, eyes fluttering shut as you enjoyed the taste. “That right there is exactly why I did it,” he said, picking up a piece of spicy rice cake and eating it. “Seeing you happy and enjoying things makes it all worth it.”

After you had your fill and the pan was cleared, you indulged in some chocolate before returning to your room to watch some TV with Wonwoo, curled up into his side. The food had made you feel better but the cramps were back and you kept whining as every contraction made you press your face into your boyfriend’s chest.

Wonwoo kept one arm around you, holding you against him while he watched the TV screen. He wasn’t really paying attention, not when he could hear every little sound of pain you made, felt every time your heart rate kicked up or the jerk of your body as the pain became too unbearable for you.

“You know,” he said softly, rubbing your shoulder soothingly. “Orgasms can help alleviate menstrual cramps.” You lifted your head to look at him through squinted eyes. “I’m just sayin’!” he said with a shrug. You buried your face in his chest again. “Isn’t that, like, gross though?” you asked, your voice muffled. “Is what gross?” Wonwoo asked.

You lifted your head. “Period sex. Aren’t most guys, like, grossed out by that?”

Wonwoo stared at you dumbfounded. Did you really just say that to him of all people?

“Babe,” he said softly. “I don’t know if you know this,” he started. “But I’m a vampire. Blood does not bother me in the slightest.” Your eyes widened comically. “Oh, right,” you said softly. “But like, that much blood? Wouldn’t that send you into a feeding frenzy or something?”

Wonwoo’s laughter resonated around the room as he threw his head back. “I’m not a shark! I’m a vampire,” he replied, chest bouncing as he laughed. “I can control myself a lot more than you think. Vampires aren’t animals. We don’t smell blood and just go feral,” he continued.

Your cheeks burned as he dispelled your assumptions and you suddenly felt very bad about judging him in that regard. “Sorry,” you said softly. Wonwoo pressed a kiss to your forehead. “For what?” he asked. “Unless you’ve dated other vampires, I don’t think that’s something you would rightfully know. I’m not upset, baby. It’s just a silly notion that movies and television have instilled in the populace.”

Silence fell over the two of you, only the sound of the TV playing softly in the background. “I’d like to help,” he said suddenly. “I’d like to help you feel better and if giving you an orgasm helps, I’m not gonna complain.” Your cheeks burned as you processed his words. “Won’t it get messy?” you asked, your voice meek. Wonwoo kissed the top of your head before getting up and disappearing for a moment.

When he returned, it was with a few of your old red towels. Ones you’d stained in the past when dying your hair at home. “I’m sure you won’t mind if these get stained?” he asked. You shook your head, watching him move to set the towels on the bed before he disappeared again, quick as lightning. He returned with a container of wipes which he set on the bed side table.

“Up,” he said as he grabbed the towels. You scrambled up and watched as he placed the towels down, overlapping them. “Put your blanket over there so you don’t get blood on it,” he instructed, pointing to the chair in the corner. You did as he said and then turned back to face the bed. “C’mere,” he said, holding his hand out.

You walked around the bed, taking his hand, letting out a giggle as he pulled you against him, cupping your cheek and pulling you into a soft kiss. “Do you trust me?” he asked softly, lips ghosting over yours. You nodded in response as his hands moved, sliding down to your hips and pulling you towards him as his lips met yours again, tongue swiping over your bottom lip.

Your lips parted, moaning as you felt his tongue slip into your mouth, caressing your own tongue. His hands continued to roam up and down your body, squeezing your sides, the curve of your ass, cupping your chest. You could feel the heat starting to pool in your belly as you felt his semi-hard cock press against your stomach. 

Wonwoo pulled back, breaking the kiss to turn you around to face the bed. His hands fell to your hips, pulling your ass back against his growing erection with a groan. “Get on the bed,” he breathed, lips trailing down your neck to your shoulder. 

You carefully climbed onto the bed, positioning yourself in the middle of the towels as your boyfriend removed his sweater and pants, leaving on his underwear and white tee as he crawled onto the bed. He pushed the hem of your shirt up, kissing your exposed stomach up towards your chest.

You let out a gasp as you felt his tongue swirl around your nipple, his mouth claiming it as he teased the bud. You ran your fingers through his hair, head falling back against the pillows. Wonwoo pushed your shirt up past your chest, his hand stabbing and kneading your breast. He pulled away, tongue and lips repeating the same thing on your other nipple before he had you sit up so he could remove your top.

You laid back against the pillows as he kissed down your chest and stomach. He glanced up at you with dark eyes as he started to tug your shorts and underwear down, discarding them and spreading your legs. The smell of blood invaded his senses as he glanced down, seeing the small string of your tampon. He would deal with that later though.

“If you want me to stop at any point,” he said softly, looking up at you. “Just tell me.” You nodded as he lightly raked his nails up and down your thighs. “Nothing is off limits for me,” he explained. “Blood does not bother me, I’ve told you this.” You nodded once more, laying naked under his heated gaze.

You watched as he grabbed the back of his shirt, pulling it off over his head, ruffling his hair in the process. His red eyes studied you as he tossed it aside. Wordlessly, he leaned back over, licking the tips of his fingers before taking your lips in a searing kiss as his wet fingers pressed against your clit, immediately starting to work against it.

You moaned into his mouth as he rubbed slowly, lightly flicking and pinching your clit. Your arousal had started to pool, allowing his fingers to glide much smoother and faster. Tension started to build, heat rising in your body. Wonwoo pulled back, eyes meeting yours. “I’m going to remove this,” he said, fingers gently pulling on the string of your tampon. “Okay?”

You nodded, keeping your body relaxed as he started to pull slowly, removing the plug from your body. Once it was gone, he threw it in the waste bin between your bed and the side table. His fingers were back on you in an instant, rubbing your clit in a circular motion.

Your eyes fluttered shut as your hips started to move, chasing his fingers. You felt his fingers move lower and lower until they slid inside your cunt. You let out a groan as he curled his fingers, keeping his eyes on your face as he moved slowly, pumping his fingers in and out of you, a soft and slight squelching noise making your cheeks burn.

“From now on,” Wonwoo said as he curled his fingers against your walls again. “Don’t wear tampons around me. Just wear pads.” You couldn’t respond as his fingers moved faster, coaxing your body closer and closer to an orgasm.

Just before you came, he stopped, pulling his fingers out of you. “Wonwoo!” you whined as he smirked at you. Looking up at him, you watched as he brought his blood covered fingers closer to his face. “Here,” you said, trying to grab the container of wipes but let out a gasp as he instead stuck his fingers in his mouth, cleaning them with his tongue instead. “Wonwoo!” you admonished in total shock.

Wonwoo gave you a smile before he maneuvered down your body until his face was level with your cunt. You propped yourself up on your elbows. “No fucking way,” you said but your words fell short as you felt his tongue lick against your slit, a deep groan rumbling from his chest as he tasted your blood. The tip of his tongue dipped into your entrance before sliding up to your clit and you fell back against the bed with a moan as he started to lick, tease, and suck the sensitive nub.

The lewd slurping sounds, coupled with the fact that you were freely bleeding onto his tongue had your cheeks burning from embarrassment but you couldn’t deny it was also extremely erotic in a way. Your vampire boyfriend, who was not grossed out by blood, was more than willing to finger you, eat you out, and fuck you while you were on your period.

To say you hit the jackpot was an understatement.

Wonwoo felt the same way. Being allowed to taste you during this time of the month that you normally kept private from him was intoxicating and he knew that this would become your new normal routine.

You let out a whine as your orgasm drew closer and closer, back arching off the towels as Wonwoo flattened his tongue against your clit. Your hips tried to move, chasing the feeling of his tongue against you but he held you down, instead suckling on your clit until you finally came with a moan of his name, fingers tangling in his hair.

Wonwoo continued to lap slowly at your cunt until you shuddered, tugging gently on his hair and breathlessly begging him to stop. He pulled back and you stared in both shock and awe as his blood covered lips as he licked them slowly, maintaining eye contact with you.

You moaned as you watched him lick as much of the blood from his face as he could until he grabbed the container of wipes, pulling one out and wiping the areas of his face he couldn’t reach. He tossed the used tissue away and quickly removed his underwear, pushing the fabric down until his cock sprang free. He kicked them off the rest of the way before moving between your thighs.

“You don’t have to – hng!” you let out a moan as he pushed into your hole easily, the blood and your arousal mixing together to create the best possible lubricant. Any spasming and muscle contractions your uterus had been in the process of making ceased as his cock filled your cunt in one motion.

Wonwoo didn’t even need to give you time to adjust as your walls welcomed his cock instantly. He started to rut into you immediately, hips giving you a few testing thrusts before he really set into a hard and heavy pace. “F-fuck,” you gasped, nails digging into his back as he snapped his hips against yours.

“Feel good?” Wonwoo asked in a deep voice, a hint of amusement in his tone. You nodded eagerly, eyes rolling back as he started to pound into you, the sound of his skin hitting yours filling the room with an undertone of his cock entering your wet cunt.

“I knew it would,” Wonwoo breathed as he grabbed your thigh, pushing it up so he could angle his thrusts to hit the soft gummy spot that had you crying out in pleasure. He didn’t give a damn if your neighbors complained. He loved it when you screamed for him. When he made you feel so good that you cried out in pleasure.

“We’re doing this every time you’re on your period,” he grunted with effort as he slammed into you. “Gonna fuck you every night if I have to just to keep the cramps away.” Your fingers curled into his hair as you held onto him tighter, the leg that wasn’t being held up wrapping around his waist.

“Won-oo,” you mumbled, your grip on his hair tightening. “M’gonna cum.” Wonwoo pushed your thigh against your side, ramming into you, the tip of his cock barely brushing your cervix as he helped you chase your high, your own hips bucking up to meet his thrusts. “Fuck,” he growled. “Cum for me, baby. Show me out wet you can really get.”

You came immediately, crying out in pure bliss as your walls clenched around his cock as he fucked you through your orgasm before chasing his own. His thrusts grew more erratic, wild and sloppy as your cum and blood mixed, making sloshing sounds as he frantically fucked you. “Ah shit,” he groaned, head burying into your shoulder. “I’m gonna cum, fuck!”

You let out a cry of pain as you felt his sharp teeth sink into the skin of your shoulder as he came, sinking his entire cock into you as his load exploded, releasing a stream of thick milky cum into your bloody cunt. A mixture of the fluid spilled out of you, falling onto the towels under you as Wonwoo sucked from the fresh wound in your shoulder.

He pulled back, murmuring an apology as he licked over the holes created by his teeth. “That’ll heal,” he added as he moved to the other side of your neck, burying his face in your neck. You wrapped your arms around him as he gave you a small couple thrusts, fucking his cum deeper into you. “I’ll help you clean,” he added before you could complain about the mess. “Just let me stay like this for a bit.

Clean up was a lot easier than you expected. Wonwoo carried you to the shower, hopping in with you for a bit and helping you wash off, making sure to wash away any cum that spilled out of you. He then got out, drying off and dressing at lightning speed while you finished. He threw the soiled towels and sheets in the wash, placing new ones down before you got out of the shower.

As he requested, you didn’t put another tampon in, instead lining your panties with the pads he picked up for you as you dressed. You pulled on a sweatshirt and shorts, leaving your bra off. Something comfortable and easy for him to remove.

“You know,” he said as you settled on the bed next to him, wrapped up in the blankets and watching the TV at low volume.

“Just in case the cramps come back.”

©️ kwanisms 2024 | all works on this blog are protected under copyright. Do not repost, continue, or translate my works. All graphics made by me.

[punkpandapatrixk]

🧜🏻‍♀️What’s Your Signature Style? ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

I promise you that you can be “THE” SLAYEST when you rock a style that is your own. A style—or styles—that is your own is one that reflects outwardly the core essence of your Soul Expression.

If you know yourself, and acknowledge your unique Light, there is not a trend or fad in this mortal realm that could ever shake your confidence in what you’re already doing!

Remember, trend-makers are never individuals known to follow trends to begin with! Are you a satisfied with yourself for being a trend-follower? Gosh, that's such loser NPC behaviour. I know you're so much more than that, you su-su-su-Superbeing❣️❣️

SONG: Supernova by aespa

MOVIE: 千年女優; Sennen Joyuu (Millennium Actress) (2001)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Bitch Barbie

VIBE: Jackie (2016)

core spiritual essence – Knight of Wands Rx

YOLO, Spiritual Gangsta! You’re a badass bitch who’s actually a lot nastier and vainer than outer appearances may give LMAO You’re such a drama queen, too. You wake up in the morning and ready to stir up some shit. You’re naughty. You’re playful. You’re creative and a bit of a prankster to the detriment of some of your closest friends. And if you have an enemy, you’re the type that’d pour gasoline on their motorbike and let them catch fire on their own!

You really like colourful stuff. Since you were a kid, you’ve always been interested in cute or weird shapes and bling knickknacks. Colours and shapes are integral to your fashion expression as a means to let your passion through. From another angle, this is also how you show people not to take you lightly. You’re attracted to weird or bold shapes and vibrant colours because they also send word to the outer world that you’re not one to mess with.

You LOVE being seen as a weirdo. It benefits you to be seen as a BITCH, too. This is a form of self-preservation AND protection. You want to weed off boring people who are only there to feed off your precious spiritual creative aenergy! You’re the school’s boss bitch who says, ‘You can’t sit with us,’ to practically everybody because you value only strong and weird, high-quality bitches who are just like you. Deep at your core, you keep to your tribe and will protect them with your Life <3

people’s first impression – XIV Temperance

You’re an enigmatic character who’s admired and feared at the same time. Because you have such a strong presence, unbeatable charisma, people can’t help but be attracted to your aenergy. And for the most part, you’re really somebody who has a pleasant smile and good manners. People’s first projection of you might be along the lines of being a good gal LMAO You seem at first glace a temperate person who adheres to social protocols. I mean, that’s only because you’re chill~

But try and get on your bad side? The psychopath takes over. You’re very serious when working towards your goals and you don’t like it when people bother you with unwarranted criticisms or unsolicited advice. You like figuring things out yourself unless you ask for other people’s opinions. When people see this side of you, then they understand you’re not all that friendly or welcoming and that they’ve been blinded by their own expectations.

From afar, people can tell you’re meant for great things in this Life. Since you’re quite unapproachable to many, they may never say this to you but they gossip amongst themselves and speculate about what such a unique person like you could achieve in this world. They shudder when thinking about all your potentials! How can such a smart badass even be real?? It feels so unfair…

fatal attraction! – Ace of Pentacles

You’re the type that should never buy fake designer items. Buying cheap-ass things that are your style is one thing, but buying fake luxury items? NAH, NO. Your Venus will cry. Check out what your Venus sign says about your values as a person and try to match your fashion style with that. For the majority of you tuning into this Pile, being bold in all the ways that suit you is the way to go. Price is not necessarily key here, it’s boldness that plays into your self-expression.

You’re the kind of person who can wear colours and accessories that usually will make other people look like clowns XD People wonder what enables you to pull off those strange colours, shapes or combinations, not knowing it’s your CONFIDENCE in yourself being able to pull them off that makes them work. It’s the RIZZ, baby~ No matter what you look like, no matter your size and skin colour, you have the power to make WHATEVER you wear on you look like something they show on the runway.

I betcha you get a lot of requests to model for your photographer friends? XD Some of you reading this have even modelled casually before. And some of you are meant to be scouted into the modelling or fashion industry in general! If not to that degree, you’re still the kind of person who could make occasional appearances on fashion magz or insta or have your face be a poster for something quite creative. You should charge good prices for your contribution to people being able to sell their shit! v$o$v

A MILLION DOLLAR STYLE~🔻💙

vanity – Silver Geographer (Francis Drake)

sassy – Priestess of Integrity

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Pile 2 – Brooding Maniac

VIBE: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

core spiritual essence – 4 of Cups

You one spooky bitch XD But truly, your Soul is full of colours if only people could see it! It’s just that these are colours most people won’t understand or even approve of. You possess the ability to feel and process immensely complex emotions as well as thoughts. It’s more like you think in feelings even if you identify as someone very logical. Your emotions often get heavy if you don’t learn to control them. And…you’ve really taken it to quite an extreme how well you can control or suppress your emotions now.

Some of you reading this probably have strong Earth placements, especially Capricorn, but could also have some Scorpio and Aquarius influences. The way you feel your emotions is quiet and almost…jaded. I think your Soul gets easily tired by Humans for their lack of intelligence but also for their lack of appreciation for different varieties of Beauty. You think most people are narrow-minded; just thinking about it is super exhausting.

That’s why you don’t easily show your colours to everybody. People’s disapproval of the depths of your emotions could kill your spirit on a daily basis. You’d rather not deal with that, so then you chose to sport a lot of black in your outer appearance. You could also be the type that chooses solid or ‘dull’ colours like grey or white, essentially to just…not tell people anything. The only other way you actually show your emotions, in a subtle way, is through some colours that could be found in your accessories and…HAIR <3

At least some of you dream of having colourful hair if only your society or workplace would allow that XD

people’s first impression – 8 of Cups

Instantaneously, people get this impression that you’re elusive as fuck. Like, you’re not exactly unapproachable—no, no—it’s more like, even if people try to talk to you, they already think you’re the type that won’t respond too well. You seem like you don’t talk much if at all, and people get this feeling that you’re uncomfortable with being talked to. Kinda feels like, you’re ready to flee the scene the moment someone comes up to talk to you BUHAHAH Most likely because you give off this nervous/awkward energy in social situations XD

As for your fashion, you dress so uniquely, out-there-ly, alien-ly, and people simply can’t catch up. They know they won’t be able to copy you, at least not properly. You possess a strong and unique aura that shines through your fashion sensibility and you don’t even try that hard if you’re being honest. And yet, anybody who tries to emulate or copy you will 100% look like a cheap knock-off of whatever style you’re rocking.

There is something about you that screams ORIGINAL. And yet, this is mostly caused by your lack of interest in other people’s business. You have this cold, detached aura that makes you stand out in a crowd exactly because you don’t give a fuck. At first glance, people think it’s your fashion—your clothes and accessories, your hair or nails that make you look ORIGINAL. Maybe even you think that. But no, it’s your brooding AURA that says so. You’re a maniac who ain’t interested in mingling, that’s why~

fatal attraction! – Queen of Wands

You’re a divisive character who’s either despised or admired, to an extreme. There’s no in between. Seems, indeed, like some Scorpio/8th House aenergy or some harsh Plutonian aspects XD To varying extents, and depending on your mood on a given day, people’s extreme reception of you could be mentally draining. The way I see it, you yourself don’t even understand why people are damn drawn to you. You kinda wish people would leave you alone. At least the ones you don’t care about.

But…you definitely are incredibly pretty. You have a very attractive face, you know that? And then there’s your fashion sense that tells the right kind of people that you truly are a creative/artistic person who has many stories to tell because you feel very deeply. And yet, you don’t talk to people at all and that’s mystifying. Meanwhile, the haters are also attracted to your aenergy because something about your originality is a direct insult to their lack of AUTHENTICITY ho ho ho~

You give people a reason to connect and unite in their petty hatred and that’s very refreshing for those types of people to talk about LMAO Ain’t you a hero, my dear? Anyway, this may sound so random but I’m getting that you might wanna hang out at some art gallery or library? You could meet someone or see an ad/announcement for an event that could change your Life for the better! Your brooding style could get you some unique opportunities that could potentially make you very happy <3

A MILLION DOLLAR STYLE~🔻🧡

vanity – Silver Alchemist (Ramon Llull)

sassy – Priestess of Inspiration

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Pile 3 – Plutonian Siren

VIBE: Flesh and the Devil (1926)

core spiritual essence – 8 of Pentacles

Daym, you’re a total hustler babe, aren’t ya? For one, at the core of your being you know that you were born into this world with a strong purpose. When you were a kid, you probably didn’t have the words to describe this knowing but it was clear to you that you weren’t supposed to fit in or be ‘normal’, whatever ‘normal’ meant within your norm XD You’ve always been the kinda person who deviated from your mainstream society. You couldn’t help it; you just had to be an anomaly.

Truth be told, you’ve a strong Sirenian spirit (if that’s even a word). You’re like a combination of a bitch barbie and a brooding maniac. You’ve a strong dark Plutonian and chaotic Neptunian aenergy about you and this is SCARY to a lot of people. If you grew up in a toxic household, I betcha an adult in your ‘family’ despised you for just being you. Could be a mean uncle or auntie as well if you had a good relationship with your own parents ;P

Did you know that in some literature Sirens were actually not mermaids? They’re more akin to evil harpies? XXD You’re an evil harpy at your worst and a singing mermaid at your best. I tell you people shouldn’t mess witcha. The karma will be heavy on them because you essentially come from a strong lineage of powerful witches! <3

people’s first impression – 9 of Cups

Wherever you are in the world, when you walk, you’re like a dream come true. You possess a natural charm that transcends race, culture, localised standards or whatever. In every situation and all nations you are beautiful, magnetising and charming. Your sheer existence makes people daydream. I’m sure you’ve heard this a lot, ‘You smell really nice.’ ‘Y/N always smells nice.’ ‘When you’re around it always smells nice.’

You’re so fucking unreal for this mortal world. Due to your Neptunian aenergy—could also be strong/significant 12th House placements—people project on you without a care for your feelings. Or should we say, they project on you without a care for their own safety? When somebody crosses the line, you snap like a sea dragon and they’re done, forever LMAO

As much as people are intrigued by you they are afraid of you. There is this depth to you that makes people suspect that once they’re in they’re never gonna be able to crawl out of your aenergy field. You’re kinda like Tomie now that I think about it. So the ones who are able to sense this swirling darkness in you will try to steer away from your charm~ Good for them because most of the time, you don’t even like it when people are up in your ass non-stop XD

fatal attraction! – 5 of Pentacles Rx

Of all the Piles, your natural charm is definitely chaotic. It’s almost demonic! Yours is a fatal attraction for sure because you will cause insanity in the minds of whoever tries to get a taste of your aenergy. And you’re out here chillin’, completely clueless as to what’s going on with the idiots around you. Why’s everybody simping? I ain’t even do nothing.

For whatever personal reasons, most people have this fantasy about you saving them from whatever boring Life they’re living. Some really sick minds could expect—even demand—you to be their stupid little Pixie Dream Girl when in reality you’re the FURTHEST thing from that. People could get SO dangerously unreasonable when it comes to desiring you.

I’ve got to say that you’d better protect yourself good, girl. Do everything in your power to steer away from bitter and jealous aenergy, because the people under your involuntary spell might indeed endeavour to cause you harm. Beware of men who could assault you and women who would trick and tarnish your reputation. I’m reminded of this quote by Claude Debussy:

‘People don’t very much like things that are beautiful… they are so far from their nasty little minds.’

For being such an unrealistically beautiful creature with an aura of mysticism, lots of people are attracted to your magnificence because they want to make it their own or destroy it, not because they appreciate your existence. Be selective with who you allow to get to know you~ <3

A MILLION DOLLAR STYLE~🔻💚

vanity – Green Astrologer (Robert Fludd)

sassy – Priestess of Love

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[curtsycream]

Heyyyy it's me again

Okay so

Poly141 (all dating each other) where they're all like. Lounging in the living room, watching a movie or something. Reader is upstairs in the bathroom (she made an excuse to get away), looking at herself too much in the mirror. She tries to hide she's insecure, but Johnny comes upstairs to find her, and he sees her staring and grabbing her stomach. He watches for a second but when he sees her tearing up, he walks in, picks her up, and takes her to the guys downstairs. He makes her explain to them what he saw, and it turns into fluffy smut? Like the guys are over here like "?????? stfu before i put my baby in you 🙄" and it's gets a little rough, but still fluffy?

Idk it's hella self-indulgent, but no pressure if you don't wanna write it :)

Beautiful Woman

Poly!TF141 x F!Reader

Heyyyyy, how ya doing? I would never turn down a request like this. I hope you like it lovely <33

warnings: not proofread to the highest tier, Soap’s accent is thick (I apologize couldn’t help it), body insecurities, a bit of dysmorphia if you read into it, penetration (p in v), oral (f receiving), idk

Movie nights were always her favorite as she leaned her head on Soap’s shoulder. Her fingers entwined with Ghost’s as they watched Grownups. The movie selection was Gaz’s as he seemed to find the movie pure comedy gold. He felt the same about Mall Cop, something Price could partially agree with.

Laughter from Soap and Gaz filled the room along with Ghost’s random commentary. She was enjoying herself but that gut wrenching feeling was there. Where it felt as if all eyes were on her. She knew it wasn’t that way but her mind made it hard to think clearly. At first she simply wrapped her free arm around her stomach. But it wasn’t enough she knew they weren’t but in her mind they were laughing at her. It was nauseating, standing up abruptly she let a half-baked excuse leave her lips. “Need to use the bathroom,” she told them when they looked to her.

They didn’t notice anything off until she went upstairs. There was a perfectly fine bathroom downstairs but she didn’t go to it. Sharing a look they took a moment to write it off. They didn’t want to cause any alarm when she probably forgot.

The bathroom door slammed close, her eyes focused on her reflection in the mirror. Many times have they assured her that they loved the way she looked. But insecurities like that never went away at the drop of a hat. Raising her shirt she turns to the side looking at her side profile. The way her stomach looked bothered her, her finger tracing over a stretch mark.

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at herself head on. Sucking in her stomach she runs a hand over her stomach. Even as she did it she felt inferior in a way. Compared to women from their pasts she wasn’t like them. She wasn’t thin or shaped like a coke bottle, she didn’t feel like their type.

It was a silly concept to focus on the women they dated and determine the kind of women they like. She knew it was but for some reason as her eyes stare at stomach she assumed this was a joke. That she didn’t deserve them because she didn’t fit the standard of the women they didn’t stay with.

Squishing her stomach she sniffled just as the bathroom door opened. He went unnoticed until he stepped forward when seeing how her bottom lip trembled. His eyes on her hands as they squish her stomach. It was clear what was going on as he pulls her against him. His finger rests under her chin as he lifts her head to look at him.

“Whit urr ye daein'?”

His voice was a blanket of warmth over her as he spoke to her. “I—“ she began before stopping.

“Ye?”

It was evident that he wasn’t going to let this go, that was reasonable. Shaking her head she uses her hands to dry her eyes. “I don’t deserve you guys, I’m just..look at me.”

“Shut th' hell up, afore ah pat a baby in ye tae prove it..”

“I’m serious Johnny, no matter what I do I always feel so goddamn inferior to the women you’ve dated. Do you even love me or am I just a spur of the moment decision.”

Her words cut him deep leaving him with a hurt look on his face. He didn’t say anything he just looked at her, it was worrying. But before she could ask him about it he picked her up. Wide eyed she let him carry her as if she weighed nothing to him. Not a single grunt or groan left him to indicate that he was struggling.

When he put her down she landed on the couch in a seated position. All eyes were on her a feeling she hated especially now.

“Tell thaim,” he said pointing to the other three men. Their attention no longer on the movie that was now paused.

Fiddling with her fingers she shrugged looking down, “I don’t deserve you guys…you could have anybody and you pick me. I know I sound a bit childish but that’s how I feel, I don’t compare to the women you’ve dated. I don’t even feel comfortable in my skin, I feel too big.”

“Dated? past tense, there are reasons we aren’t dating those women anymore. Just like there’s a reason we’re with you,” Gaz said his tone just as serious as his expression. She wasn’t used to such a look on his face where a smile usually lived.

Opening her mouth to speak she was cut off by Price. The older man had a similar expression on his face, “you deserve more than you’ll admit. You’re perfect for us trust me if we didn’t love everything about you we wouldn’t be with you, darlin’”

“Stop selling yourself short, if I had the option of anyone I would still pick you. There’s no question about it, lovie.”

The tears that were brimming her eyes soon fell. She couldn’t hold it in anymore as she cried from their words. She was pulled into a chest realizing it was Ghost from the smell of kohl and steel. Even when they were away from work he always managed to smell that way. “How would you know, you can’t prove that?” She asked her voice muffled by his shirt.

“Ye'r perfect fur us, we kin aye prove that,” Soap let out.

A surge of desire coursed through Soap’s body as he watched Gaz’s skilled and intimate ministrations. The way Gaz’s tongue danced across her delicate folds, eliciting moans of pleasure from their girl, sent a jolt of arousal straight to Soap’s core.

He couldn't tear his eyes away as Gaz’s tongue worked its magic, exploring every inch of her pussy. The vulnerability displayed by her, the trust placed in their hands, it all fascinated him.

Swallowing hard, she gripped Price’s hand as his lips were attached to one of her breasts. His kisses were enough to melt her to the core. She kept her eyes open as she looked over at Ghost who was stroking his cock as he watched. He was anticipating his turn to show her just how important she was to them. Licking her lips she moans when Price’s fingers rub her clit. She wasn’t prepared for the assisted pleasure her mind reeling at the feeling of Price’s fingers and Gaz’s tongue.

“Ye keek sae bonny lik' this, lass,” Soap’s words cut through the thick layer of lust and need. Her eyes on him as he moves closer his lips slamming onto hers. The kiss was quick pace as if he was putting all of his love into it.

Her thighs squeezed around Gaz’s head as she panted into Soap’s mouth. Her body trembling as she felt close, a sign they all were familiar with. “Look at that wanna cum so bad, wanna make a mess on Kyle’s tongue huh, darlin’?”

All that left her was a moan into Soap’s mouth at Price’s words. His fingers were pulling at her nipples as she came. Her fingers gripping Gaz’s hair as she moaned loudly into Soap’s mouth. He didn’t relent as he seemed to swallow all of her moans.

When Gaz pulled away so did Soap allowing her to see the man lick his lips clean. A smile on his face as he sat up caressing her inner thigh, “still tasting good I see.”

His words left her a mess almost as much as Ghost was about to leave her. She knew the moment Gaz stepped away what was going to happen. Her eyes found Ghost as he made his way between her legs. His large hands gripping her thighs parting her legs a bit more. The sound of kissing faint as Soap tasted her off of Gaz’s lips.

“You’re so pretty, lovie,” Ghost’s words distracted her from him entering her. A moan leaving her lips as she felt him slowly sink into her. “Always so fuckin’ tight too,” he praised.

His words and actions left her feeling fuzzy inside. Just as she thought that would be enough she felt kisses trailing down her stomach. “Love everything about you, darlin’. Look at how pretty you are taking Simon’s cock. Making him feel so good,” his words rang loud in her ears. “Tell me how pretty you are, we wanna hear you darlin’.”

She was used to their reassurance and love but it always felt different when they were intimate. It seemed to cement just how much they truly meant what they said. How they showed her body love in the most intimate of ways. “I’m very pretty,” she choked out when Price left a hickey on her thigh.

As Ghost’s speed picked up he caged her between his arms. His face dropping to the crook of her neck, his breath fanning her skin. “Gonna put a baby in you, let you carry around proof that we love you.”

Shuddering she whimpered at his words while he thrusted ruthlessly into her. It wasn’t long until she was clamping around his cock. Her eyes fluttering shut when she came around him. In return he gasps sharply as her pussy milks him for all that he has.

It served as a reminder even after they cleaned up. She stood in front of the mirror again after the shared shower between them. Behind her stood Price whose hands were on her bare hips. “Look at you, the prettiest woman there is.” He would whisper in her ear as he left kisses along her shoulder. “Regardless of how you feel about yourself I promise you that we aren’t thinking those same bad things you are. You look sexy and it’s okay to not be what you think you should be. We love how you look, darlin’.”

Nodding her head she tears up watching him leave kisses on her skin in the mirror. It was reassuring in ways she had never experienced before. With them she knew she would be loved, they would always make that clear to her.

Soap peeked his head into the bathroom with squinted eyes, “Ye let Si pump a baby intae ye afore ah cuid? ah wis th' yin wha said it first” he tells her.

A laugh left her lips as she listens to him, “I’m sorry,” said said to him. Shaking his head he holds his hand out, “Na sorry, wur aboot tae dae that now.”

Translations again I want to thank my friend who was able to tell me how to write Soap’s words properly. He’s a real one <33 For words like baby, first, maybe a few more I changed them because my keyboard hates the word bairn for some reason.

Whit urr ye daein'? - What are you doing?

Ye? - You?

Shut th' hell up, afore ah pat a baby in ye tae prove it. - Shut the hell up, before I put a baby in you to prove it

Tell thaim - Tell them

Ye'r perfect fur us, we kin aye prove that - You’re perfect for us, we can always prove that

Ye keek sae bonny lik' this, lass - You look so beautiful like this, girl

Ye let Si pump a baby intae ye afore ah cuid? ah wis th' yin wha said it first - You let Si pump a baby into you before I could? I was the one who said it first.

Na sorry, wur aboot tae dae that now. - No sorry, we’re about to do that now

[scudslut]

A New Years Surprise 🎀

daryl x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, poorly written smut, oral (fem-receiving), unprotected p in v, porn with some plot lol

a/n: i know i’m a little late but happy new years everyone!:) thought i’d start off on the right foot this year with some Daryl lovin<3 also don’t mind my writing i’m just getting back into it so i’m a bit rusty:/

“God, you’re such a dumbass,” you muttered to yourself, cringing at the reflection staring back at you.

Currently, you were a mess.

Tonight was Alexandria’s supposed ‘New Years Eve’ celebration, like we actually had anything to celebrate or look forward to.

There were always those few people you’d come across over the years, that had somehow managed to keep track of the time passed and as it turns out, Alexandria’s people were very serious when it came to sticking to the old worlds holidays and traditions.

Hell, they’d host parties and backyard shindigs on a regular bases, no prompt needed.

It was bizarre, and even after a full year living here, you still weren’t used to it.

Deep down, a small sliver of you agreed that it was something special about this place. That it somehow kept the hopeful humanity glimmering inside the residents. But the larger, much more sceptical side of you, couldn’t help but notice the flaws of the idea and the dangers of false hope.

Or maybe it was just because you looked fucking ridiculous trying to play dress up.

Either way, you hated the celebrations.

This one in particular though, caught you off guard.

You hadn’t payed much attention to New Years before the world ended, and just assumed that would be the same now; but when you caught wind of the party, you felt your stomach bubble in excitement.

And for one reason only.

Daryl.

You knew Daryl was an absolute sucker for dainty dresses and lingerie and you hadn’t ever gotten the chance to wear something like that for him. But a few days prior, you had stumbled across a small shopping mall on run and found this adorable matching light pink set and had to stuff it away in case the opportunity to surprise him presented itself.

Well, here it was.

And man was that excitement rapidly turning into a full blown panic attack.

Running your fingers through your hair haphazardly, you studied your appearance in the mirror.

You’d only so far put on the lingerie and a small black skirt and you already felt confined and self conscious. The straps weren’t sitting right, the cups of your bra were too big, causing weird awkward gaps.

Sighing, you close your eyes in defeat, resting your head in your hands.

This was just awful.

You could already hear the beginnings of the party going, music and laughter flowing in through your slightly cracked window and it only caused you to sink further into yourself.

You felt your mind slip into your self deprecating thoughts as you began to tune out the world around you, missing the soft creaks of footsteps on the wooden floored hallway.

The door of your shared room was wide open, as it was only the two of you that occupied the small house.

Daryl took you in for a moment, leaning against the doorframe observing your defeated aura silently.

He immediately knew what was bothering you, he could read you like a book at this point. He crept up behind you, gently touching your shoulder as to not frighten you from your thoughts.

Jumping slightly, your eyes flew open and landed on those deep familiar blue ones you adored, staring back at you through the mirror.

His natural scent caught your nose and your body subconsciously began to ease, slumping back into his chest.

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you home so early,” you whisper to him as you notice his eyes drift down your body.

You wrap your arms around yourself, not wanting him to see your failed attempt at a surprise and be disappointed.

You should have known he’d be quicker than you.

“Not so fast, baby,” he says, catching your arms before they can fully shield your torso from him and twisted you around to face him.

“It’s nothing, really Daryl, I-I don’t even know what I was thinking,” you mumble feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

That’s when you notice the dark, lustful glimmer in his eyes and awed expression clear as day on his features.

Oh. He likes it.

Heat pooled in your stomach.

Daryl bunches the fabric of your dainty skirt in his hand contemplatively, drawing it up ever so slowly and tucking it into the waist band to keep you exposed.

You could feel his eyes wander your skin, like soft breathy kisses, from finger tips to the dip of your collar bones.

Your breathe catches as you feel the faintest pressure on your dripping cunt.

“This all fer me?” He whispers, slowly sliding his middle finger from the wet patch on your panties to the tiny pink bow at the hem.

He finger dips into the waist when he doesn’t hear your response, and snaps it back against your skin.

“Y-yes Dar,” you gasp.

Of course it was for him, you were his and he damn well knew that, but he simply couldn’t help himself from asking time to time.

He continued to toy with the bow thoughtfully, letting his finger tips graze over the sensitive skin there. Over your hip bones, stomach, and down to your inner thighs, never allowing too much pressure so it felt like soft tickles.

He enjoyed to watch you pant and writhe. Liked the way your skin would erupt in goosebumps every place he touched.

He was a hunter after all.

He could spend hours playing with every detail of you, work you up until you have tears welling in your eyes and your cunt was practically pulsing.

Though you’d beg and plead for him to stop, to give you what you need, he knew you loved it.

And so did he.

Daryl Dixon was a tease.

“Wanted to surprise you after the party,” you manage to squeak out and his gaze finally meets yours.

“Did ya now?” he mocks, walking you backwards till the back of your knees hit the bed and you take a seat at the edge. He looms over you, thumb grazing your bottom lip and you simply nod back at him.

“Well, ya can be certain there ain’t gonna be no party anymore,” he growls, staring you down like you had offended him somehow.

He harshly grips your hips, pulling them till your ass was practically hanging off the edge and drops down to his knees before you, spreading your legs to make room for himself.

All you can do is watch him, mouth parted open as he manhandles you however he pleases.

“And where did ya find somethin’ so pretty, hm?” he questions gruffly, once again rubbing his thumb over the wet patch forming on your panties.

You lean back on your arms, dropping your chin to watch his movements.

“I-uh, on a run the other day,” you huff, your words stuttering in excitement and anticipation.

Daryl only hums in response, as he dips his fingers and pulls them to the side, exposing you fully to him.

He barely gives you a second to register his actions before he’s dropping his head between your thighs, licking a long strip across your soaked cunt.

Your body jolts in surprised pleasure, your right hand flying to grip his soft brown locks as he laps at your clit.

Moaning loudly, your hips rock into him as he continues to lick and suck, lost in the taste of you.

“Oh god,” you whimper. Your arms are shaking behind you, ready to give out any second as you watch Daryl devour you like you were his last meal on earth.

He always looked so damn pretty, eyes closed and entrapped between your thighs.

He lifts his head, groaning at the sight of you and begins trailing kisses over your hips and down your inner thighs.

“Sweet girl,” he mumbles between kisses, “always thinkin’ bout me, huh?”

Your eyes roll back as you sink to your elbows, overwhelmed by the pleasure.

“Asked you a question, baby,” he nips at your skin causing a soft sting.

“Always Dar,” you pant, rolling your hips into him again. Your body was pulsing with lust and Daryl could sense how needy you were for him, like it had been weeks without his touch and honestly, it felt like that for him too.

He was about ready to cum in his jeans at the sight of you alone. Legs spread for him, pupils blown wide while you panted and moaned noisily just for him to hear.

Trailing his lips back up, he grips your waist stilling your movements, “What do ya need from me, hm?”

Your mind blanks for a moment, surprised by his uncharacteristic generosity. He was never this quick to give you what you need, always wanting to drag your pleasure for miles and miles until each pretty sound you could possibly make filled his ears.

“Come on now, or do you want me to decide for ya?” he asks again and you quickly shake your head, grabbing him by the shoulders and scooting back until you both were at the top of the bed.

As he lands above you, arms on each side of your head, you finally feel him and how hard he already was.

Rocking into him suggestively, “You know what I need,” you whisper.

Daryl groans from the friction, dropping his head to your shoulder and rutting into you further, chasing your movements.

You hadn’t seen him this worked up and responsive in a long time, and god were you loving it.

You pull his head up to face you and crash your lips onto his, hands finding his belt trying to discard him of it as fast as you possibly can. Daryl’s a panting mess above you, “Baby are you tryna kill me?” he groans when he feels your hands brush against his cock as you attempt to rid him of his jeans.

All you can do is whimper into his mouth as you struggle, and he kicks them down and off the bed.

He grabs you hands and pulls them above you, pinning them down as he begins to attack your neck with bites and kisses.

“Please Dar,” you whine, “need you now.”

“I know baby, I know,” he coos, attempting to soothe you as he draws your skirt and panties down your legs.

You begin tearing at his vest, needing to feel him closer to you, as close as he could possibly get. You feel him chuckle against you, “So eager for me, are ya?” as he lines himself up with your aching core, teasing you even more.

Taking him by surprise, you crush his hips into yours, filling yourself to the hilt all at once. You gasp from from the mixture of pain and pleasure, as Daryl all but whines into your mouth.

“Oh shit, fuck me,” he groans as he begins to slam into you at a bruising pace. You claw at his shoulders, rocking your hips to match his fast movements.

“Just love this cock, don’t ya?” he grunts, lifting one of your legs around his waist to drive into you even deeper.

You felt your brain cloud over, unable to think about anything other than him, drunker on his cock than you’d been from any night of drinking you’d partaken to in the past.

“Don’t go dumb on me now, darling. What did I ask ya?” he repeats, slowing his hips to sensual rolls, so it only stroked that cord in your stomach but kept it from building any further.

“God yes,” you moan, matching his slow but absolutely delicious pace.

Daryl is a groaning mess in your ears as your bodies dance a synchronized rhythm together, moulding into each other like pieces of a puzzle.

His hand snakes between you two, finding your clit easily and he begins to stroke you gently, allowing the fire in your abdomen to build rapidly.

“Oh Dar,” you moan and Daryl only picks up the pace, chasing after his own high to experience with you. Your clutching to him for dear life as he pounds into you quickly, grunting and groaning quiet praises about how good you feel.

You can tell he’s close when his hips start to stutter and shake, losing his rhythm slightly and you finally feel the cord break.

Your body floods with ecstasy, cunt pulsing around him causing his high to come crashing over him with you. Waves of pleasure wash over you as you both come down, his hips slowing to a stop.

He rests his forehead down to yours while the both of you struggle to catch your breath. You feel Daryl start to chuckle against you and your eyes lazily drift open, “What?” you mumble, running your fingers slowly down his back.

“Never was a big fan of surprises before, but ya can bet your ass I am now.”

[corrodedbisexual]

Our spot

Steddie | M | ~3.8k | AO3 link

Written for @steddie-week Day 1: secret relationship

Featuring: Post-Stranger Things 1, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Gay Eddie Munson, Getting Together, Secret Relationship, Jealousy, Possessive Eddie Munson, Insecure Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington is Whipped, Strangers to Lovers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Past Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler, Minor Steve Harrington/Original Character(s), POV Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson is Steve Harrington's Bisexual Awakening, Non-Explicit Sex, Underage Smoking, Consensual Underage Sex, Derogatory Language

Steve Harrington keeps hooking up with Eddie Munson at Skull Rock. He's not sure if it really means anything to Eddie… until he brings a girl there, and the truth unexpectedly surfaces.

It’s not on purpose, really, that time Steve gets caught making out with a girl at Skull Rock by Eddie Munson.

Steve didn’t expect him to be there. Wasn’t Eddie supposed to be rehearsing with his band tonight? It’s kinda tricky, keeping up with someone’s schedule without directly talking to them.

And that’s the way it just is, with him and Eddie. They don’t talk. In fact, Eddie doesn’t even look at him in the school corridors. One time, just out of curiosity, Steve deliberately bumped into his shoulder as he walked by, and all he got was “Watch where you’re going, Harrington”; Eddie didn’t even bother to turn around.

Sometimes, they don’t exchange a single word for so long Steve starts to question whether he dreamed up all those previous encounters. But then, finally, he’d be opening his locker, and a note would fall out. A number, accompanied by ‘PM’ and a winking face.

Always just the time; the place never changes. Skull Rock, the spot that feels like a pocket of an alternate reality, with a completely different Eddie Munson from what Steve gets on a daily basis. Big dark eyes fully focused on him, cheeky grins, wandering hands and salacious comments that never fail to make him blush.

To be honest, Steve’s not sure why he keeps accepting these random invitations. At first, it might have been purely for the thrill of something new, something exciting and forbidden. But lately, he’s been feeling an itch under his skin that only their occasional meet-ups would be able to scratch. It’s annoyance, Steve tells himself; it’s starting to genuinely bother him, the way Eddie is able to pretend like Steve is just another meaningless part of the school’s ambiance.

He’s determined not to think about it too much, not wanting to face what a bit of honest self-reflection might uncover. Because what good would that do? Without too many words, Eddie’s made the rules here perfectly clear. Whenever they part ways, Steve moves on with his life, like Eddie Munson doesn’t exist. Kissing girls and going on casual dates, never engaging with anyone seriously, because subconsciously, he knows it’s all a way to fill the time until another note is dropped into his locker.

Read on AO3 | Divider credit

[ryuichirou]

What do you like about Book 5? I feel like reading one of your analysis

Anon! Thank you so much for this ask and for enjoying my analysis. I’ve been waiting for someone to ask about Book 5 lol It’s one of my favourites. Unfortunately, I also made you wait for ages, as I always do, but I hope this time helped me to collect my thoughts better lol

I really really love and resonate with the main themes of the Book 5: self-doubt, self-improvement, dedication to your crafts and knowing your strengths, but also enjoying what you do. I’ve said it tons of times, but I’ll repeat myself: I strongly believe that this is the beauty that Rook is talking about in his little rants, and this is why in that particular crucial moment Neige ended up being more “beautiful” in his eyes. Neige did what he wanted and enjoyed every moment of it, and Vil was so focused on the win that he couldn’t enjoy himself, thus losing the spark… well, you know how I feel about the whole Rook’s betrayal thing: I’ve talked about this in the past.

God I love a lot of aspects of this book, but I’ll mention as many as I can without this post getting obnoxiously long lol

I love Vil and Epel’s conflict a lot! I talked about them in this post, so I won’t dive too deep into it, but: it’s so amazing to see a piece of media where a boy teachers another boy that cuteness and beauty is a strength in its own, and he does it not in a campy way; in fact, he does it with brute force lol Vil isn’t gentle at all, on the contrary, he is very stubborn and tyrannical at times, but this is what makes the dynamic more interesting. I really love imagining how awkward it was for everyone to just stand there and watch these two yelling at each other and slamming the doors and physically fighting, and how at the end of the book they grew so closer and more understanding of each other.

Now let me yap about Deuce a lot! I really love that Deuce kind of ended up being one of the main stars of this book! It’s so satisfying watching him win and get rewarded for his hard work, and by hard work I mostly mean his self-reflection, self-discovery and willingness to grow. One of my favourite aspects of ADeuce dynamic is that Ace is that guy who is smart but doesn’t care so he gets a C and Deuce is that guy who tries his best and grinds as much as he can but still gets a C. Both of them get a C, but the situations are so different, and I am glad we got to see Deuce being so frustrated about it. It feels so unfair, and this is one of the things that caused him to be a delinquent in the past: if he can’t succeed even if he tries his best, why should he even bother?

But Deuce isn’t the same Deuce he used to be: he is mature enough not to give up and he wants to improve very badly. This is why instead of flipping everyone off and leaving he listens to Vil’s critique, he volunteers to get extra ballet lessons, and he only snaps when Ace pokes him at the worst possible moment. If we apply that Utena-ass chicks-in-the-egg analogy that Rook and Kalim brought up when talking to Deuce, this is a symbol of Deuce-the-chick already trying to break the egg.

BUT. At the same time, not every single thing would be fixed if you just “try harder”, and despite the fact that Vil expresses this in frustration, he is kind of right. Isn’t it a bit ironic that Vil has pretty much the same inner conflict as Deuce? He always tries his best, and yet he can’t reach the thing he wants so badly?

Anyways, this is where the real act of breaking the egg begins: you have to accept your own strengths even if you dislike them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have a choice: Epel doesn’t HAVE TO be cute, Deuce doesn’t HAVE TO do his act-first-think-second thing, but being aware of what you are good at and how your brain, body and soul operates is important.

Deuce has always felt that he has to be someone different, and he is still struggling, but Book 5 gave him such a huge moment of growth that peaked in him unlocking his Unique Magic, I love it so much it’s insane….

I also love all the snippets of Kalim and Jamil that we got in this book, even though they didn’t play as big of a role as they could have. Still, Kalim got slapped in the face with the first ever objective evaluation in his life, and seeing him trying to comprehend his feelings was so good. I want to see more of this side of Kalim, I want to see more of him processing how others actually see him and that sometimes others will be picked instead of him, and that’s totally fine. And he gets it, but getting it and accepting it are two different things, and Kalim has a lot of maturing to do.

Even though he was quite mature when caring for the kohais, and especially during Vil’s overblot. The poor guy got so traumatised by Jamil’s overblot that he clocked that something was wrong with Vil, and I love it a lot.

(Also, Jamil is hot. No notes; just thought I’d mention that)

Speaking of overblots! God, Vil’s entire overblot section is *chef’s kiss*

I love how even in his design he still has this ominous but motherly (not in a caring way, more like a step-mother) nun/queen-like  vibe. But what I love even more is how Vil’s overblot happened.

The fact that he almost killed a person? Yeah I know that we don’t know if he actually wanted to kill Neige or just poison/curse him, but let’s think for a moment: he was willing to cause harm that is pretty serious, and I don’t think we should downplay it because Vil himself doesn’t. The stakes of this overblot are pretty high… Even though technically Leona caused a lot of harm and seriously injured Ruggie, even though Jamil yeeted Kalim+the boys to possibly die also; I guess Vil’s act feels so impactful because of his reaction.

I really love how Vil got so extremely disappointed in himself and so afraid of others looking at him with disgust that THIS made him snap. I love how Kalim kept repeating that Vil didn’t harm anyone and shouldn’t feel this way because this didn’t matter anymore: even if Vil didn’t end up causing harm to Neige, he himself already learned how disgusting of a person he was.

Vil is very complex, Vil has high standards for himself, and this is simultaneously his blessing and his curse :” )

I really love his backstory, I really love how gently Rook called him back as he was awaking after the flashback sengment… I barely mentioned Rook in this post woah, but I feel like I talked about how much I loved their relationship in this book quite a lot! So I’ll just say it again: I think Rook’s support and Rook’s betrayal both are crucial to understanding the message of this book and Vil’s character as well. Also, they’re an amazing ship.

Another thing I love is how likeable Neige is lol It would’ve been so easy to do a “you know, Snow White is also a bitch!” thing, but Twst never does it with its characters: the “good guys” are genuinely good, likeable people, but this doesn’t make the villains’ perspective any less relatable or badly written. Neige isn’t pretentious or righteous about being good, he is just naturally sweet and wants to have fun and take care of people around him: you can’t hate this guy, well you can, but also you can’t. And Vil knows that his grudge is petty and one-sided.

But at the same time? THE FRUSTRATION YOU FEEL WHEN YOU WATCH NEIGE AND HIS LITTLE FRIENDS DANCE AND SING IS INSANE. I feel like I know this book so well but I still get mad every time I hear that song LOL THIS IS SUCH A TRUE TO LIFE SITUATION AAAAH-

Yelling aside, I really do think it’s pretty real for a lot of people, especially those who create something that other people evaluate (i.e. posting what you create on social media). Even if you know in your head that numbers don’t mean anything, even if you know how algorithms work, even if you keep in mind all the factors that go into the reasons behind the feedback one receives, you’ll still inevitably end up comparing your numbers to some other person and feeling like this is unfair. Everyone suffers from this thing, everyone ends up feeling like the numbers express their worth and how others see them. Everyone feels stupid when something they worked hard on doesn’t get as many numbers as a quick nostalgia-bait that isn’t even good but ultimately is more engaging to people for other reasons.

I think this is the first time I’ve seen this exact conflict shown in media in this particular way, so I really appreciate it.

So, to sum up, even though it may seem like Ch5 is way too long and focuses on a lot of things at once, I think all of these things tie into one thematic narrative very nicely. Despite the fact that Vil’s “sin” would probably be vanity, I how much he talks about physical appearance, diets and cosmetics, the majority of his inner turmoil boils down to him feeling like a misunderstood artist and caring too much about how others envision him. Epel, Deuce, Kalim – all of them struggle with how others evaluate them, in their own different ways.

This book also had a lot of tasty dialogue (a lot of shippy ones too) and a lot of very good conflicts that made characters understand a lot about each other and themselves.

Speaking of ships? Rook/Vil and Neige/Vil aside, we had such a fun Azul/Jamil moment at the beginning of the book, and also Kalim/Jamil, Ace/Deuce, also some food for those who enjoy ships that we don’t really like. It was fruitful.

Also this is the book where Idia got called a brocon, and this gives it the additional +100 beauté points.

[dallasgallant]

What do you genuinely think Ponyboy’s longterm outcome is post-book, given your knowledge of the time period and location? I love reading fic about him going to therapy as much as the next girl, but I feel like that’s not a likely thing, right? Do you think he’s able to get himself back together and return to his previous academic success?

I talk a big game but I’m not a complete expert I just like to look some stuff up, lol. But between what I know and what my grandma told me after finishing and I joked about him going to therapy…

No. He wouldn’t go. It’s not that it didn’t exist but it just wasn’t something people really did, both as it was sort of meh and heavily stigmatized at the time. If a doctor recommended it pony would likely flip and refuse to go because he isn’t “crazy”. Not to mention they’d likely be priced out of it but I’m not completely sure on the cost.

Back then people “toughed it out” (thanks grandma). It’s sort of evident when you look at all the boys or the way Pony talks about greasers and then neighborhood in general, all self medicating or coping mechanisms that aren’t the best due to, stigma, cycles of abuse and poverty etc — that’s another thing this is all sort of a sudo “therapy speak” and it sort of bothers me that people would think a character would be hyper aware of their behavior let alone the causes in modern language/ understanding

To them it’d just be the way things are for some people you know?

“No one had X back in my day” -> no just the words and understanding weren’t common and people just went on with their life dealing as good or bad as they could. This goes for about anything.

This also isn’t to say that the terminology, disorder or general stuff like coping, addiction etc didn’t exist or wasn’t discovered either it was just more highly medicalized and hush hush. You’d tell very few people if at all.

—

Now for pony himself I suspect he had super unmedicated ADHD/ADD before everything even went down (there’s a post on this so I won’t repeat here)

I think it’s complicated. He definitely gets the help he can from doctors but, I don’t want to say he completely gets “better” as he did have a full on head injury but it wasn’t as drastic as a lot of them can be.

He does have a behavior shift but it isn’t as drastic as the bottle incident, Pony’s a little rougher around the edges, more guarded and a bit combative and frustrated. Sort of what everyone was dreading happened— he’s just as likely to blow as the rest of them now, maybe not as destructive but still.

Pony still tries in school, he does well enough but he’s not as soft spoken, he’s a bit louder without realizing but still reflective and a little sensitive just outwardly.

[littlerosetrove]

The point of this post is to explain why I, personally, enjoy Buck/Tommy. I’m not trying to convince or persuade anyone to feel as I do. And in that same vein, whoever reads this, if you read this all the way until the end and you’re still neutral or still dislike Buck/Tommy, honestly that’s fine. However, please do not comment or reblog to try to dissuade me from my enjoyment. If by the end of this post, whoever you are, still feels unsure about Buck/Tommy, truly that’s fine, but I’m not the person to talk to about your unease or hesitancy, okay? 

All right. 

I’ll state it up front that, yes, Buck/Tommy did happen a bit quickly. I agree, but it doesn’t really bother me. Allow me to explain and elaborate. I’ll be jumping around talking about Buck, Buck/Tommy and just Tommy, so bare with me.

For starters, I’m just happy to see Buck so giddy, excited, and happy about a love interest. The last time we’ve seen Buck remotely like this was with Abby. So it’s just a refreshing thing to witness and frankly for Buck to experience. Once Buck got past admitting, “oh yeah, my date was with a guy,” Buck was so excited to talk about Tommy with Maddie, someone very important to him. As well, I don’t think any previous love interests have looked so charmed and smitten with Buck the way Tommy does. On that note. Tommy has seen Buck be goofy, jealous, inquisitive, awkward, nervous, sweet, honest, a little bit of a mess, and still thought, “yeah, I’m attracted to this one.” <3

Now I fully recognize that Buck is not suddenly fixed by having gone on one official date with Tommy. Certainly not. Buck most definitely still has plenty of issues to work through, and on some level, probably always will because - just look at his past. Now I don’t know how long Buck is going to be with Tommy, but I don’t think there’s any inherent harm in Buck, even with his issues, dating Tommy for a little while. I don’t see it as Buck doing some kind of irrevocable damage to himself or Tommy if they just date for a bit. Yes, at some point Buck should be on his own and do some self reflection (which he struggles with), but until then? I’d just like to see Buck continue to be excited to get to know Tommy, and work on figuring out how he feels about his uncovered queerness. 

Tommy is a breath of fresh air in many ways to me. A big thing is that he already had a connection to the 118. He’s a firefighter and also air rescue, thus can understand and click with Buck on a major and important level. Abby was a first responder, yes, but she too like all other past love interests of Buck’s were still pretty much disconnected from Buck’s friends, family, and his job. They were almost always separate. Then we can add on the fact that Tommy is friends with Eddie, which is another big connecting point for Buck and Buck and Tommy in general. Hell, Tommy has already met Christopher who already appears to like Tommy, too. The only previous girlfriend of Bucks that met Christopher was Taylor Kelly of all people, and I doubt Chris and Taylor interacted all that much since Eddie and Buck were there as buffers. Plus that dinner was for Eddie’s sake more than anyone else. To be clear about Bucks previous relationships, Abby was an interesting character that I liked, but I was certainly not impressed with her ghosting Buck and then not really apologizing for that. Ali was perfectly fine, but she was barely there, so there was no time or reason to get attached. Taylor Kelly is the only one I hate and do I really need to explain why? Natalia was fine I guess. She was hardly developed, so I certainly never got attached to her. We never understood why she liked Buck beyond him dying. She was also very much a “no homo” insert, but that’s just me. In addition, the only compelling relationship Buck has had up to this point was with Abby. There was nothing to grasp onto for Ali or Natalia, and please tell me what was compelling or fun to watch about Taylor and Buck being in an unhealthy and miserable relationship. Idk, maybe if I’d watched season 4 live, I might have felt a little more open towards Taylor and Buck and their friendship, but I kinda doubt it. When I did watch it all I could think of was, “why does Buck want to be friends with Taylor Kelly of all people so bad?” But anyway. Tommy is the first love interest of Bucks that I actually like, without any hesitation. He’s just a good guy, and a little bit silly (fake mouth static you’ll always be famous). Though some people ignore it, Tommy did change in season 2. Yes he started out as a jerk, someone just going with the bad flow of the firehouse (and to protect himself), but he did change from that. I think in his last episode of season 2 it shows him being on much better terms with Hen and Chimney. They threw him a “moving to Harbor” party! In present times? Tommy’s clearly more at ease, confident, friendly, charming, sweet, has shown vulnerability, is honest, social, mature, and helped Hen and Chimney at the drop of a hat - at the risk of being suspended or fired - to save Athena and Bobby. I’m sure I can list off more traits and interesting attributes, but you get it. To me Tommy already has a lot of personality and I do look forward to discovering and learning more about him. And that’s an important thing, that I’m interested in Tommy as a character. I’m not trying to be a dick, but I couldn’t say the same for most of Buck’s previous love interests (nor Eddie’s). 

And sure Buck needed some nudging from Eddie to not give up on Tommy, but he did actively reach out to and meet up with Tommy, and was honest about where he is in all this, you know? That’s a key thing, Buck being more active. He passively fell into every other relationship he’s been in. That’s not me dismissing those relationships, because Buck did learn something from each. I’m pointing out an important difference. Buck, before Tommy kissed him at the loft and when they met up at the cafe, has been quite open and honest with Tommy. At least on screen, idk when Buck has been quite this upfront about stuff at the start of things, so to speak, with a love interest. That’s progress for Buck. Perhaps not massive, but it’s not nothing. 

Like. Buck just discovered a whole new and big part of himself. He discovered this missing piece of him that’s eluded him for so long (basically his whole life). He’s going to be messy about it. But just because he’s going to be a bit off balance about it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t date someone (re: Tommy) right now. Tommy is aware that this is all new for Buck (side note: here’s a link to a post that talks about the nuance of Tommy, while gentle with Buck, was a bit annoyed at the end of their date and wanted to leave, which was fair and valid. it’s a good read). At the same time, as I mentioned early on in the post, I also think that yeah, at some point Buck does need to be on his own to do some much needed self reflection. Until then, damn, I just want him to try out this sweet thing he has going with Tommy. 

And yeah, I just think Buck and Tommy are cute together. I do think they have chemistry (which was lacking/absent in some of Bucks previous relationships). I’m intrigued by the potential they have together, even knowing they’re not meant for something long term, and that’s okay. Even for a short time they still can have a good and happy time. And in my ideal world, they’ll remain friends when they part ways.  

If I had to attempt to sum this all up… I find Tommy interesting on his own, and I like what I’ve seen with Buck and Tommy together. I’m thrilled to see Buck so into and smitten with Tommy, since we haven’t seen Buck like this since Abby. Buck and Tommy are cute and refreshing to watch. Plus, I want to see Tommy stick around and not just for Buck, but because of his friendship with Eddie, and to see him continue to? properly? reconnect with Chimney, Hen, and Bobby. 

If you read till the end, thanks! Even now I feel like I probably missed explaining something haha.

[ciaossu-imagines]

Since this year Oikawa's birthday was on a Saturday, it's possible he would have a match on that day. How do you think he'd want to celebrate it? Like would he like a special breakfast or something and how would he be after the match that he of course wins?

C

Aww, this is such a sweet ask. I find the idea very cute and I really enjoyed writing these! I hope you’ll enjoy reading them just as much 😊

Oikawa is definitely someone who kind of likes to have his birthday treated as a big deal. There are some people who are just kind of meh on their birthdays, who don’t really celebrate them or see the big deal in them…well, Oikawa is the complete opposite to those people.

Both as a teen and as an adult, I could see him being one of those people who don’t just have A birthday, but rather has an entire birthday week. Just one day isn’t enough, he wants to be spoiled, pampered, and appreciated for the whole week. He wants to be celebrated, not only by those around him, but by himself, for his birthday week.

He celebrates himself just as much as he expects others to celebrate him. For his birthday week, he treats himself to all of his favourite things without worrying so much about it. He lets his body have a little bit of a break from the normal harsh training regiment and the pretty strict athlete’s diet he normally abides by. He doesn’t push himself quite as hard as he normally does (though he definitely still gives his all in volleyball practices or games). He lets himself be a little lazy, indulging in his other hobbies a little bit more, letting himself be lazy while he watches a favourite movie or show, spoiling himself with self-care routines.

Make no mistake though – he expects those around him to celebrate him too. He won’t just be a little hurt if people forget or don’t seem to care about his birthday, he’ll be genuinely really emotionally hurt by it. He might hide it with jokes or behind a fake confidence, but it will bother him and make him feel shitty if those around him don’t seem to care at all that his birthday is coming up and will be especially bad if they don’t care on his actual birthday.

I think it would especially bother him because, while he can definitely be egotistical and self-absorbed at times, Oikawa is someone who will hype up the birthdays of the people in his life. He’ll remember the birthdays of all his teammates and friends and he’ll be the friend remembering to ask what their plans are for the day in the week approaching their birthday, nudging for hints of what they might want as a gift, and will always say happy birthday on the actual day, along with trying to do something nice for them on that day.

I do think that Oikawa, as a person, is someone who is both this confusing mixture of over-the-top but humble and how he’d ideally want his birthday celebrated kind of reflects that. While he wants everyone even tangentially involved in his life to wish him happy birthday, and while he expects all the important people in his life to really gush about how happy they want his day to be, when it comes to the meat of celebrating it, he wants the actual birthday party to be rather small – consisting of his teammates, who are the closest friends he has, and his family.

His mother has always made him a special breakfast on his birthday and that is a tradition he really looks forward to every year. It really got to him, the first year he moved out of his parent’s house, to wake up on his birthday without that special meal. Like, he stood in the kitchen of his new place just silently staring, a little dazed, and maybe teared up a little at just the lack of that tradition, a bit of homesickness, and the realization that growing up sucks at times.

If Oikawa has a match on his birthday, what’s going to make him the happiest, other than winning, will be seeing the cheering section acknowledge his birthday. If there’s banners wishing him a happy birthday, or fans screaming happy birthday at him, the boy will be almost bouncing on his toes, grinning from ear to ear. It will make him play harder too, and his teammates acknowledging his birthday by ramping up their game to their absolute limits, going just as hard as he is for victory, will also feel like a big gift to Oikawa.

[moonlightseve]

hi hi I enjoy your analysis posts so much!! do you have any thoughts on the undercurrent of performance that runs throughout yuri on ice - re Victor ' 'performance' nikiforov (contrasted with yuuri's (and yurio, eventually) absence of a persona while skating) and the whole episode 3 premise of the trio trying to perform an emotion until it clicks (highlighting yuuri's eros monologue arc specifically) while the program itself is constructed by someone who at that point doesn't fully comprehend the extent of the emotion he puts into the sp. not to forget the performance inherent to sport in and of itself! sorry if this doesn't make any sense I hope you're having a good day tysm for reading!!

Hello, I hope your day is going well too! It was wonderful to wake up and see your ask in my inbox xxx

Oh boy, of course I have thoughts. I spent a little while trying to figure out how to condense all of them, but no matter what I do it seems like this post is going to be pretty long.

As you said, Viktor can certainly be very performative, which we see throughout the show as he reminisces about his career and tries to discover what role Yuuri expects him to play. He doesn’t show emotion unless he has to and he’s very concerned with his image – always going out of his way to interact with fans (and scolding Yuuri when he doesn’t do the same). He has a persona of sorts, putting on the air of Viktor Nikiforov: Living Legend, 5-time GPF Champion, 5-time Worlds Champion, Olympian, etc etc. There is little room in his life for him to simply be himself, instead shelving his own wants and desires to embrace the idea of who he thinks he’s supposed to be. 

On the ice, however, is a completely different story. This is where I veer off partially into headcanon because we unfortunately don’t know much about Viktor’s backstory (curse you Mappa!!!), so I need to speculate a bit. I have always viewed Viktor as someone who feels things quite deeply. He’s very passionate and emotional, but has incredible self-control and keeps himself reigned in. The ice is where he lets that go a bit, allowing himself to feel what he feels and express it through his skating. 

Evidence for this is present in how he choreographs and selects the music for his routines, giving him full creative control and the chance to embrace whatever he feels he will do best with. Stammi Vicino is heartbreaking, and lonely, and desperate – all things I would likely associate with Viktor at the beginning of the series. 

It’s present in how he coaches, always falling back on his own experiences as a skater to guide Yuuri and Yurio. When he begins to give advice, he tends to reflect on how Yakov coached him rather than coming up with something entirely new that better serves the different personalities of the Yuris. This implies to the audience that all of his attempts to get Yuri-squared to connect with the emotion at the heart of their short programs is how he himself worked on his programs. 

It’s present in one of my favorite Viktor quotes from the entire show, a little moment in episode 2 or 3 where Yurio is frustrated with Agape and trying to get Viktor to tell him what’s wrong, and Viktor says something along the lines of “It’s an emotion, why would I bother trying to explain it in words?” The feelings he presents on the ice are just that: feelings. They are important to him and sometimes indescribable, a little window into the truth of who he is that he keeps closely guarded at all other times. 

Viktor off the ice knows when to smile for the cameras and flash a wink to the crowd, keeping his image perfectly tailored to the one he wants to present. Viktor on the ice is able to let the artifice fade away and become, for just a moment, wholly himself. He would never tell anyone that he is lonely, but he skates Stammi Vicino as if it’s an extension of himself. 

The point you brought up regarding the fact that Viktor choreographed routines for emotions he may not understand is SO interesting to me because I have never even considered it! I think about Viktor a lot, and switch between two opposing ideas of him depending on how I’m feeling that day:

Viktor has known unconditional love, whether through his parents (I pretty firmly believe his family was not active in his life) or through Yakov (one of my favorite headcanons) or through Makkachin, even. Makkachin may not be quite the same thing, but he may not know any better and is therefore using that as his inspiration. Or, maybe he feels unconditional love for something/someone else. 

Viktor does not know unconditional love. He has never had anyone who could give him that, which is why Yuuri is very important and such a big deal and he needed to get on a plane to Japan IMMEDIATELY!!!

Depending on which of these you subscribe to (or a secret third option, perhaps) then Viktor’s ability to choreograph Yuri and Yuuri’s short programs is very interesting. He truly seems to have a grasp on Eros and Agape in a way that Yuri-squared struggles with. Since he encourages them to feel those emotions deeply in order to skate them correctly and those routines were originally for him, it means he must feel them deeply enough to think them worthy of creating and presenting to the world. 

So that’s how I view Viktor. When he is skating, he is not a performer, but a performance – the entertainment he produces is not the end goal, it merely comes from watching him be himself. And that authenticity is what makes him such a wonderful skater. 

Yuuri’s battle starts with him NEEDING to perform something (the tale of the katsudon fatale, how could we ever forget) and ends with him finally being able to draw upon himself for his skate. Creating some sort of narrative and slipping into a persona helps get him off the ground, but it’s really like a set of training wheels Viktor tries to get him to shed as their story progresses. It’s why his Yuri on Ice free skate is so important to his journey as a skater – there’s nothing for him to perform, just him being himself. To properly execute the program, he must be Yuuri, aware of the journey he has taken and each iteration he has been, mastering all of it to embrace who he is now. It must be less of a performance and more of a confession to those watching. 

Yurio’s Agape is so powerful for the same reasons! It’s because it comes from his own personal experiences with his grandpa, who he loves dearly. He needs to embrace that softer side of himself that he hides behind the prickly angsty exterior to truly do his program justice. 

“We call everything on the ice love” is very important because on the ice is when a skater’s truths must emerge. This is when they are most authentically themself, and when love therefore shines the brightest. 

I hope I answered your questions, and I’m sorry if I got a bit rambly there at any point! This was a very fun topic to discuss and if anyone has any thoughts I’d love to hear them. I have this account because I have things that I love that I want to share with other people and to hear about the things they love in turn, so it genuinely makes my day when I get to do that.

Thank you for the ask!

[flowerboy-barista]

❀~Welcome to Whipped Dream Battle Café~❀

Hey hey! I'm Robin! I, along with my colleagues Nicky and Beau, run Nacrene City's one and only battle café!

Stop by for the coffee, the battles, or the vibes! We're Pokemon friendly, and have a fenced in space outside for your bigger Mons~!

Wanna know more info about me and how the café works? Check below the cut!

Please use he/him, fae/faer, and it/its for me!! Yes, Caramel is a shiny Leafeon... No, you can't really tell...

I also have a little Fletchling named Ginger and an Applin named Nutmeg, both of which do not battle!!

We have a Appletun named Ambrosia, and a Dachsbun named Creampuff who both help around at the café!! Please be nice to them, they're extremely friendly!!

Are you curious about how our café works? Lemme give a quick rundown!!

Battling is not required! We have comfortable seating where people can enjoy their treats and watch the battles!!

Want to casually battle other trainers? You can do that! We have dedicated spaces for you to battle inside or outside the café!!

Want to be a bit more competitive? It's easy! Just register your trainer ID with one of our workers, and you'll receive a digital ticket!! Battle other trainers to collect their tickets. The more tickets you have, the more you climb the ranks!! Your goal? To fight one of the Battle Café Masters!! Beau runs the Single battles, while Nicky and I run the Doubles!!

I think that's all! Enjoy your stay~!!

((OOC NOTE: Please read before interacting!!

Hey hey! Welcome to my Pokémon rp blog. On this blog I will be pretending as if the world of Pokémon is 100% real. This being said, I will be including pkmn rp tags in each post that fits that description as a warning.

Friendly reminder that if you try to engage a plot with me or any kind of offscreen rp experience without at least discussing it with me first, then I will likely not respond. Even if you do approach me with something in mind, there is no guarantee I will engage. Also I tend not to interact or engage in any big events. They tend to become overwhelming for me and you’ll most likely never find me becoming a part of them. Please don’t send in asks regarding big events.

If you are looking to interact with my muse, and your muse is tied to some potentially triggering topics, I would prefer if you discussed potential interactions with me first. This is for my own comfort, so please keep this in mind.

Admin is an adult! If this makes you uncomfortable then move along.

This is an RP blog for my own self insert. Not much to it, just be nice!

Please be aware that if something ever comes off as rude/mean, it does not reflect how I actually feel and is just how I believe my muse would react.

This blog is SFW, save for vaguely suggestive topics. Anything that is deemed as explicitly NSFW will be deleted on sight.

Another warning. This blog may often be involved in long RP threads. I won’t be using any programs to cut my long posts short. If this bothers you, I would recommend skipping this blog or blocking the tag “long post” or “rp thread”.

Also! I follow and like from @ripoff-robbie-rotten.

DNI: Proshippers, TERFS, and NSFW blogs))

[saikolikes]

“Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince”: the meaning behind Erina’s banner

I’m sure most people have noticed it, as it was shown firstly in the trailer and then in the opening: “Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince” seems to be the official motto of Persona 5 Tactica, and is indeed present on Erina’s banner when she uses Flag of Freedom.

The slogan is in latin, it roughly translates as “If you want peace, you must conquer yourself,” and it’s an alteration tailored to the game from the most commonly known “Si vis pacem, para bellum” (If you want peace, prepare for war).

What most don’t know (myself included before digging deeper to make this post), is that even the “original” phrase wasn’t exactly born as such and is itself an adaptation of a wider paragraph from a military treaty — Vegetius’ De Re Militari or “Epitome of military science” (the following quote comes from the beginning of Book 3):

Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum; qui uictoriam cupit, milites inbuat diligenter; qui secundos optat euentus, dimicet arte, non casu.

From what I read, the author does a sort of introduction by citing war masters from the past, including Athens and Sparta, and declares his task in compiling all their teachings in one place. Then, he concludes by saying “Therefore, the one who desires peace shall be ready for war; the one who longs for victory shall diligently instruct his soldiers; the one who’s after success shall fight following the art of war, not chance.”

The concept here is clear: you can’t search for and uphold peace without being skilled in battle and ready to fight for that peace if need be… which is a pretty interesting message in the wider scheme of Tactica.

(Warning for story spoilers from here onwards)

I didn’t reflect on it much as I was playing, especially because the game never gives you any “official” translation of what’s written on Erina’s banner. But as I went back to thinking about it, I realised just how fitting this alteration is. The whole deal with Salmael is peace should be the ultimate goal for mankind, a state of existence where no conflict is necessary—on the contrary, conflict is viewed as a bad thing, because it causes hurt and is ultimately harmful. So it makes perfect sense that “Si vis pacem, para bellum” is something that goes against Salmael’s philosophy.

What bothers me, instead, is that it perfectly fits what Erina represents, as is and without any alteration: she battles Marie like rebels do tyrants because the peace in the Kingdom has been disrupted and she wants it back. Putting metaphors aside, Toshiro is the one that realises that only by opposing his father and his fiancé he can right the wrongs that his family committed, and eventually find peace within himself. “Si vis pacem, para bellum” is actually already tailored on what the game is about, so thinking back about the alteration they made, I can’t quite explain it.

It has to be said, though, that “Si vis pacem, te ipsum vince” is also fitting. Reconciling with one’s Shadow self, tame it and embrace it is what awakening a Persona is all about and what Toshiro does later on in the story, so to have “If you want peace, you must conquer yourself” written on Erina’s banner is also a really nice touch!

I guess my main point here is that both phrases go well with the story’s themes and plot, but I do have to say, removing “para bellum” kind of ends up reinforcing Salmael’s point, which is that war (=conflict) isn’t necessary. It ultimately serves P5’s whole narrative that puts individuals at the center of societal changes without questioning too much what role society at large plays: it is acknowledged society needs reform, but reforming passes through righteous people and removing bad apples rather than dismantling and rebuilding anew a system that is designed to be exploitative. More so that “te ipsum” is a bit like saying “you yourself” so I’d argue that a really great emphasis is put on the person/individual. Also worth noting that “te ipsum” is specifically male-gendered as “ipsum” is accusative cause (direct object) for both male (“ipse) and neutral (“ipsum”) pronouns, but “te” is accusative case for the pronoun “tu” which can only be used referring to a person; this means that if the phrase was to be female-gendered it would be “te ipsam vince”. So it really seems to be tailored to Toshiro.

I think what they did with Tactica’s motto is cool (if anything because it let me put my high school diploma at use again after 7 years lol) and definitely a nice addition that shows this game was made with a decent level of care for being a spinoff… at the same time, I can’t help but find a subtle contradiction in the alteration they made.

[maygrcnt]

been reflecting on the season a lot recently and on the topic of bucks bisexuality storyline, and i think ive come to the conclusion that theres maybe some catastrphization on the part of people who think the arc is horribly written, but also other people seem to be looking at it through rose tinted glasses and accepting anything given to them just because the storyline was such a long time coming. And i’ve had a hard time with figuring out why both sides of these takes just bother me so much so i sat down with my thoughts while work was slow and i rotated evan buckley in my mind until i had coherent thoughts

When it comes to the self discovery of it all i think that is probably the best thing the show did with the arc. episodes four and five were ultimately huge successes in my opinion on the topic of bisexuality. My main issue with this part of it is not specifically to do with the bi-ness of the storyline but the show in general. The show, showrunner, and Oliver want us to believe this storyline is different, that this is the one that finally changes everything, and I fully believe them in that being their intentions. However, they didnt show that to us well enough. The show has a glaringly cliche formula when it comes to buck and eddie love storylines that i used to think was intentional parallelism but now believe to be a writing rutt that they can't seem to break out of. They meet the partner, they have a romantic moment, something gets in the way of that romance, they meet up at a restaurant to “start over”. Ali, natalia, ana all follow this exactly and taylor sort of. its just tired? And the fact that this is exactly how buck and tommys relationship starts too just makes it so i cant convince myself that this is any different than before. Like i said i truly believe the writers thought they were pulling buck off the hamster wheel and the commentary outside the show tells me that he’s supposed to be doing something new, but they just can't escape their own romance formula enough to actually do it in the TEXT. and one thing about me is i think when it comes to TV, a viewer response lens is the most important way to analyze the story. the intention of the writer doesnt matter as much as the interpretation of the viewer because the average viewer of prime time television isnt reading tim minears interviews or listening to the podcasts oliver stark does, theyre tuning in at 8pm est and tuning out at 9. to conclude on the topic of bucks self discovery arc, i think it was done well. i think this is a general consensus, i feel like most people who think the storyline went sour still believe that episode four was done well at the very least

when it comes to the coming out of it all, this is one spot where i believe there’s some catastrophizing. the storyline had to choose carefully who got the long coming out scenes and i think it’s crazy to say that they chose wrong. do i wish there was a little bit of a longer beat with both hen and bobby about the storyline, yes absolutely. but i don’t think scenes with buck sitting down to formally come out to them would have been either necessary nor in character. bucks strongest canonical ties are to maddie, eddie, and bobby. two of which he never felt the need to come out formally to either by the way. i think a lot of people wanted to see more hesitation and fear from buck about his sexuality, but what they decided to show us instead was a man who realized something new about himself and immediately understood that the people around him were going to love and accept him no matter what. the only slip we see in this confidence is around eddie where… im trying to keep this analysis unbiased by non canon things so im not going to get into what i think of that but… in any sense bucks coming out moments were not about coming out at all but instead always about him being loved by his family. i rate this part of the storyline 10/10 because it all felt so natural and real for someone who has the support system and love that buck does (not saying it isn’t hard to come out even when people are supportive, just that i get why it wasn’t hard for buck). the storyline matched the character really well, but if they were to give the same easy breezy coming out arc to a character with the same backstory as say eddie then i would understand the want for more turbulence.

now the most polarizing part of the storyline for sure is the “established relationship” part of the season i guess you could call it lmao. my personal main complaint here is that we immediately lose any and all insight into the *new* of it all. if you want to make a big deal about this romance storyline being different than the other ones, you actually have to show us on screen what’s DIFFERENT about it. it doesn’t bother me so much on a relationship side of things because the relationship isn’t my personal cup of tea, but i think it would have been nice to see more scenes focused on the reasons this relationship is something new for buck. i’m not a tv writer, i honestly don’t have a suggestion for scenes that could have made this better for me. i think a tone thing is big part of it, if they lightened up tommy’s interactions with buck made him a little more flirty and lively it would have felt truly like a new relationship still in the phase of navigating a new dynamic rather than. well it doesn’t matter what i thought the relationship felt like by the end that’s not the point here. another place i feel like they could have put some more effort in is the bobby of it all, he was very preoccupied but their conversation felt stilted and not actually how i imagine it going. when it comes to the acknowledgment of bisexuality and newfound personal experiences i rate the end of the season: bad. i don’t think this was by virtue of the show not caring or wanting to portray the storyline anymore, but just by virtue of the entire end of the season being… kinda bad.

finally the finale, oh the finale… i swear im trying to come at this as unbiased as i can when i talk about the BT dinner scene but just know that i didn’t like it and that may bleed through. i think it was unfavorable of them to frame this scene the way they did. by having the scene start en media res and having us jump in to the dinner already in progress it feels disingenuous, because now im supposed to believe buck left the hospital, cooked an entire meal, set up a date, started eating and only THEN was the topic of bobby’s health brought up? it feels like this scene was written in a way that it would be for a well established long term couple, not a new relationship we’ve barely seen on screen. in this very scene is the first time tommy even learns what bucks relationship with bobby is like, this is very obviously not a deep connection yet so why are they being given the framework of it? the show is telling us that this relationship has gotten more serious without any proof and i find it very hard to believe them. i think there’s ONE simple change that makes this scene work 100x better and makes me feel like buck is actually settling into the relationship rather than having to take tim minear word for it: just start the scene with buck coming home to tommy! if buck is just getting home from the hospital it doesn’t feel as out of character because there’s less assumed time where buck is for some reason not worried about bobby, which he WOULD be don’t even try to tell me he’s not. and if tommy is already in bucks apartment when he comes home we learn so much about their relationship with such a small gesture. that buck feels comfortable with him there, that tommy feels comfortable alone there, that they spend time there often enough that tommy knows his way around. it just feels like this scene was written in good faith but the forgetfulness by the writers on the overall context of where this scene was in the episode created a strange tone in which i’m supposed to believe evan buckley would ever plan a romantic date night while bobby nash is literally comatose. thoughts on the bisexual storyline in the finale: no. i’m not gonna get into the daddy issues line of it all because that’s a lot more opinion based and it would make this like double length. ask me about it if you want i guess.

all in all, i think there’s … a lot that could have and should have been done differently in order to maximize the goals and effects that tim continuously told us he was trying to achieve. when it comes to carefully telling a story of late life sexuality discovery, i think they did well. when it comes to most other aspects, i think the ball was dropped. pls feel free to send messages or asks regarding this topic because i think im still developing thoughts on it and id love to have conversations regarding :)

[immoralimmortals]

A Song With Ten Names

Chapter 3: Misanthrapologist (1)

Chapter 1 ☆ Next chapter

Summary of chapter: Time for a sacrifice.

Author's note: This chapter was originally part of the upcoming one, but I decided it should be standalone, both because it is Hidan-centric and because of its contents. I plan on more installments with this song, and if I follow through they should overall end up more fucked up each time. In addition, please regard the notes and warnings of chapter 1 if you have not read it already. Song is Misanthrapologist by Will Wood.

CW for references to periods, being on your period. Also, Hidan, of course, does not reflect how a normal person should view a chronic condition and he's a bit of an ass about it.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I wanna meet your maker

Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapels

Holler "Look what you've done, gave this planet a sun

And made a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It becomes impossible to hide, no matter how hard she tries. A flush face, tired bones, and overly sensitive heart make one very vulnerable, especially if those who judge know the reason why. The two Akatsuki don’t yet, and the performer hopes to mitigate it as much as possible.

Doesn’t keep Kakuzu from inquiring, though.

“Sick?” he asks abruptly, looking up from counting the tips made yesterday. It’s been half ten minutes, and the most she’s done for practice is hold her guitar to her abdomen and look pathetic and self-pitying. She fidgets from her seat on the rugged couch, embarrassed as hell.

“...A bit,” she admits.

“Will it effect how well you can work?”

She forces herself to shake her head “no.”

“Alright.”

And that’s the end of that on his end, but unfortunately, after much deliberation, the performer finds she must stand up. A violet eye cracks open from his side of the living room. It watches as she leans down closer than she’s every purposefully been to Kakuzu, and covered lips whisper in his ear. “...Hn,” the older one grunts, “How much?” She mumbles a number as Hidan’s mouth goes into a lopsided pursing. “Mm.” A few bills are dropped into her trembling hand. “Get a receipt.” Without even a look to the prophet, Jashin's disciple is gone; the nature of the whole thing leaves Hidan sour.

“The hell was that all for?” he inquires, praying hands still clasped around his pendant. Kakuzu doesn’t even look up.

“Nothing,” he responds, same tone as ever.

“Fucker.”

“Sure,” he dismisses.

Kakuzu gets the receipt he asked for an hour later, slip of paper in his hand from out of a bag the bard otherwise keeps closed up, lest contents see daylight. He grunts again. Couple cents off, but same bill amount-- decent enough guess, and he got all the change. She thanks him with a small bow and excuses herself up the creaky stairs. As soon as Hidan’s nose is in his space, Kakuzu shreds the paper till unrecognizable.

“OI!”

The old man hasn’t decided yet if this is funny or about to be supremely, unnecessarily annoying, seeing his partner squirm so badly. “Just don’t bother her about it.” Oh, how he should know that kind of talk will only plant ideas in Hidan’s head.

Ugh. People speak too lightly of this kind of thing, she laments in her head as she props herself up against a bedroom wall. “Sick” is the only way to describe the sensation. Her stomach curdles and insides burn. It’s like a vampire bit her and pulled out a cork at the same time-- just totally drained of energy. This pain is so bad her lips quiver as she frowns. The door is closed, but Hidan isn’t the type to knock.

“Oi!” Her eyes flutter open; he walked up without her noticing, somehow, so close she starts with his legs and works her way up. He continues speaking once the eyes lock. “The bastard won’t say anything.” A silver eyebrow raises. “The fuck is your problem?”

Oh. The woman’s cheeks get so red they begin to sting, her mouth feeling more like a squiggle than the line she tries to maintain. “I’m just sick.” The word “just” was a mistake.

“Dying? Fuck, you’re not contagious, are ya?!” Sounding bored with the former option and annoyed with the other. Urgently, the woman shakes her head. “So! What else is it then?!” Frustration loosens up in his expression as he comes up with the only option left. “...Chronic?”

…

…

She nods.

“Painful?”

Quietly, again she nods.

The expression he has is something you never want from Hidan:

Pity.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

'Cause you defy creation

I hate you, I hate you, I do

Hands to the night sky, praying you might die

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The preparations have been made for her mercy kill. Yes, Jashin has convinced him, Hidan needs to end this now. Despite being an immortal, he understood at least a little bit what Deidara was always on about-- the beauty of the end. Last breaths, a body draining till pale like a tipped inkwell, till it stains the ground around it. It was glorious. His disciple had even witnessed first hand! She listened to Hidan, eagerly, curiously; she always asked questions, ones that no one has bothered to since the Akatsuki swallowed him up. Yet...she doesn’t LEARN. The beauty of slaughter has yet to sweep her away in a tangible way, not just philosophical bullshit. The follower will never, ever WANT to kill.

And so it’s better to kill her now and not make anything more of it. Maybe Hidan misunderstood his lord, perhaps she was only to serve as a refresher to his faith, his excitement for the hunt. No more of a pointless existence being whored out for cash by his dumbass partner while he watches idly by. What kind of life is that for him to come back to, night after night?!

It’s time for a sacrifice.

“Uh.”

As she’s wont to do, the performer wrings her hands when particularly anxious about what’s to come. He’s certainly set...a mood…to warrant some tension, her corner of this dilapidated home swathed in shadow, shades down, door closed as a candle passes its light to the others while Hidan savors the burning wax bleeding down his fingers.

For once, he says nothing to even the slightest of words. His gaze concentrates on the fire till he sets the last one, light flickering in anticipation over his purple irises. It’s a sight to behold, someone willingly within his ritual circle. She’ll be good for something, after all.

“I think I complained too much,” she tries to backpedal with less urgency than she really should have, as he begins to prowl towards her backside. “It’s not...curable, per say, but it’s not something I can’t handle. If that’s what this is about,” she adds almost guiltily.

There’s no going back now-- in his mind, she’s a wilting flower, one he’d rather cut and frame for his savior than let decay into nothing at all, but damn if he isn’t curious still about whatever it is making her suffer so much. “Really,” he states, skeptical. His own shadow now doubles over the others, over-top her head. The shift from blades hitched to his spine to being wielded in front of him is unperceived from where she is, seated on the floor, thanks to the refraction of candlelight upon shapes making every one a blur.

“Hidan, I-- it’s-- it’s not a big deal. I promise.” The scythe pauses in place from the height of his swing, only being held by his own insatiable need to know what- exactly- has made her such a tragedy.

“If it ain't a big fucking deal, then stop dancing around and tell! Me! What! It! IS!”

His words come vicious and desperate, hardly contained before, and it makes teeth grit so much Hidan’s mouth begins to ache. Later, he will find, this passion surprised even him-- not because he’s incapable of passion- hell no!...it’s the reason behind it.

Jesus, it’s really going to be like this, huh? Breathe in...breathe out. Alright. It’s gone too far, she decides. He needs to know.

“I. I....period. I’m on my. Period.”

Static and white noise briefly take up the space of the voice in his head, the narrative he made no longer words but nonsense, drowned away. He shorts out, not moving an inch, like a guillotine still waiting to drop down.

“I’m sorry. It’s not a big deal, it’s really not! I can handle it, I have to. I’m just...in the bad part.” The part where she can hardly stand up, that is. Pathetic. “I’m sorry,” she says again.

The shadow of the blades shifts, slowly, surely, bit by bit, as his wrist lowers to his side. Ah, what sort of punishment was she going to endure? For making him go through...whatever all this preparation is meant for.

He walks around the circle, scythe still in his hands as he wraps his head around this. The woman is kneeling down, obedient to him, to his judgment. Her face is drained of color, hardly keeping her head up and not bothering to brush the hair out of her way. Hands folded, hands praying. Her eyes are wet, refusing to meet his own. Something occurs inside of him that’s less of a “click” and more like a sunrise: gradual, consuming, warming. It's foreign, and yet a part of him-- guiltily-- accepts it. Though he doesn't fully understand why, he is granted wisdom that this "condition" is not something he shall remedy.

After all, bloodshed is bloodshed.

“Ah. Well. Shit, then.”A small clink as he reattaches his red guillotine to his back. “Why didn’t you just say so?” Truth is, the performer had correctly guessed that he has a bit of a religious obsession with blood-- didn’t need Kakuzu’s advice to keep the subject private. God, but does she really have to feel so silly right now? That Hidan thought that he needed to do something to save her from it?! She’s...huh.

She’s flattered.

The woman sits lowered before him, and though as helpless as she is, damn if she isn’t curious.

“Did I really worry you that much?”

He quickly spits the taste of affection out of his mouth.

“Sorry.”

“...Shut up,” he murmurs.

“Sorry.” She shuts her eyes.

But just as soon they have reason to flutter open; they can only do so, of course, when she finds a gentle hand takes her own. Hidan’s fingers brush over her knuckles. It’s him, this time, that won’t meet her eyes, his own narrowed while closed lips try to seal in the little breath not lost. The chain around his neck rises over his head. The pendent is set into her palm, and then his own palms fold underneath it. Abruptly, the world is hers.

“We praise Jashin for this pain, for this blood. Thank you for our lives, as we are reminded of the mortal cycle. In life, we anticipate death. In death, we begin to feel alive. Thank you for blessing your disciple, lord Jashin.”

He’s never prayed out loud before in the time they’ve known each other, let alone for both of them. There’s a long pause; the assumption it’s her turn comes around. What should she pray for?

...She doesn’t know. But still, with this spectacle, she’s filled with something overwhelming, and it should come out. Instinctively, she leans down at the end of his prayer, and Jashin’s cold silver sigil is pressed to her lips gently, reverently. He’s foolish enough to look up at this moment and witness this kiss. For the first time, in all her pure, weary glory, Hidan sees he was wrong. He sees she is radiant. He sees she is beautiful.

And silently, unknown to her, he repents for the sin of doubting his lord.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Before I fall in love with you

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[thoughtportal]

An altar honoring Aaron’s life, at a vigil his friends held in remembrance of him on February 27.

As Aaron recounted to his comrades in a mutual aid group in San Antonio, he grew up in a very Christian conservative white enclave in Cape Cod. He was 18 years old when Donald Trump was elected; he joined the Air Force in 2019. While in the Air Force, he arrived at anarchist politics through a process of self-education.

In February 2023, Aaron prepared a document aimed at helping this group to become more cohesive. As another participant in the group told us, “Aaron sought to formalize and mature some of our organizing methods, and he felt that having deep and open discussion was a crucial first step for building long-term trust. He created a list of questions as a way for our ragtag group of lefties doing mutual aid to start a conversation with each other.”

In his own answers to these questions, Aaron states:

I am an anarchist, which means I believe in the abolition of all hierarchical power structures, especially capitalism and the state… I view the work we do as fighting back in the class war which the capitalist class wages on the rest of humanity. This also informs the way in which I want to organize, as I believe that any hierarchical power structure is bound to reproduce class dynamics and oppression. Thus, I want to engage in egalitarian forms of organizing that produce horizontal power structures based on mutual aid and solidarity, which are capable of liberating humans… I favor consensus-based decision-making over “democratic” or voting-based governance.

In the same document, Aaron explained why he was committed to doing mutual aid work in solidarity with the unhoused:

I’ve always been bothered by the reality of homelessness, even back when I was growing up in a conservative community. I have come to believe in the importance of solidarity politics and I view the enforcement of homelessness as a major front in the class war which must be challenged for all our sakes. I view helping my houseless neighbors as a moral obligation, a matter of social justice, and a matter of good politics. If I don’t stand with those more marginalized than me today then who will be left to stand with me tomorrow. I view enforced homelessness as a societal failing and a crime against humanity. I believe that no one deserves to be deprived of basic human necessities. I believe that homelessness as an involuntary condition must be abolished.

In the following three accounts, Aaron’s friends share their memories of who he was and how his life touched their lives.

Aaron and friends watching a solar eclipse.

“Aaron Will Live Forever”

Lupe

Aaron will live forever. I know this, because everyone who was loved by Aaron will carry a bit of him in their soul, and everyone who witnessed his sacrifice will carry him in their minds. Aaron cherished life. He knew that in giving up his own, he could give the people of Palestine a chance to keep theirs. Aaron has permanently changed the fabric of your being. You know this because for the rest of your life, you will wrestle with the thought of what you will sacrifice for the liberation of others.

Aaron Bushnell.

“He Was Someone We Really Needed”

T Bear

It seems a lot of people just saw Aaron as someone in the military. Online lefties and liberal media alike were quick to dispose of his words and actions, and choose instead to judge him based on puritanical ideals just as bad as the ones he’s been trying to escape his entire adult life.

I write this knowing it will be read by comrades. I want to say something profound that can make us reflect on why we have such a tendency to be so quick to treat others as disposable, but I don’t think I can. I hope that instead, you will carry the burden of finding an answer to that with me.

After a lifetime of engaging with anarchists, it was this recently radicalized, 25-year-old active-duty airman I spent two years with who showed me my chains—long before his decision to leave this earth. Aaron had this effect on every single person he met. He was incredibly committed to developing relationships based on deep trust and understanding—and would be the first to give you the raised brows for a snarky answer to an important question. He never let a potential harm go unaddressed. He embodied more than anyone I know the anarchist spirit, “that deeply human sentiment, which aims at the good of all, freedom and justice for all, solidarity and love among the people.”1

An altar honoring Aaron’s life, at a vigil his friends held in remembrance of him on February 27.

“My Friend Aaron”

E

My friend Aaron was kind, compassionate, and principled, sometimes to the point of being annoying, and he was incredibly reflective and willing to change to meet my needs in our relationship. He was one of my quickest and best friends.

An altar honoring Aaron’s life at the vigil at which Aaron’s friend read this text aloud.

Cult

I want to provide some background context on Aaron’s life. He shared this with me in confidence, but I feel OK sharing it with you all now because he is gone and I want to help contextualize him for you all. The press has also reached out to people from his past so it will be coming out regardless and I think it’s better y’all learn from a comrade.

Being raised in a cult, essentially a small society with different cultural norms than ours, gave Aaron the ability to see and better identify the norms and qualities of our society that are harder for us to see because we have been conditioned within it. He could see the latent fascist logic and cult-like tendencies that we swim through every day. He could see and feel them in ways that I struggle to feel and understand beyond an intellectual level. He was always very cagey about his past and did his best not to lie. You may recall him saying things like “sort of” or “something like that” whenever he was asked questions about being in theatre or band.

Times He Changed and Reflected

We would text and I would accuse him of texting like a straight man (which he was). He would never use reaction emojis or punctuation or expressions of laughter like lol. It was incredibly annoying. And he made such an active effort to do those things after I asked him to, very quickly and consistently.

Aaron with his beloved cat, Sugar.

Principled

Aaron saw hierarchy and injustice and his role in those systems and hated it. He felt a lot of guilt because of the situation he was raised in; guilt was the primary emotion through which he engaged with most things. I feel very sad that he was not able to heal from that fully before this.

He had so much love for his cats. The contradictions of owning someone you love weighed on him heavily. He was constantly thinking of how to best accommodate them and navigate this relationship of domination, complete control of their agency. I saw how it genuinely distressed him.

Aaron refused to say words like crazy, insane, or lame due to their roots in ableism and he got on me for my use of the word lame constantly. He wouldn’t say the word fuck because he saw its roots in misogyny and hetero-patriarchy.

Aaron also didn’t like the word democracy for reasons that are too long to explain; we would argue about it a lot, it was kind of a recurring bit.

Aaron serving food in Ohio as part of the mutual aid organization Serve the People Akron. “Aaron was a valued member of our organization and the community who immediately jumped in to help the unhoused and any project that came up. He was dependable and persistent with the mutual aid work he did in a city that was still new to him. We will be forever grateful for the effort he put in to make Akron a better place.”

Excerpts

I was very vulnerable and open with Aaron and I am proud of that. Vulnerability builds trust and deepens our bonds with each other; it is something that I actively work to cultivate in myself. To that end, I would like to share excerpts from two things I wrote to Aaron.

All of our relationships change us, shape us. When I look at the people, the friends, who I love the most, the people who I have the most secure loving relationships with, I can mark the ways that they have changed me. The mannerisms, habits, forms of speech, or worldviews that I adopted from them. It makes me feel so proud and thankful. There is no doubt that you have already changed me in ways that I will be proud of and thankful for, but I feel that one of the things that hurts most is mourning the loss of the ways that you could change me… I wish I could know you more. There are so many other things I want to know about you and so many other things I want you to know about me. I wish I could get to see firsthand your continuing political development and I wish we could have closer impacts on each other’s development. I wish you could see mine, to change it and make me into a better revolutionary. I want to see you in struggle, to learn how to struggle next to you and to struggle with you. I want you to be here.

I keep imagining you here. Upon reflecting I am imagining you here but not as I know you, I am imagining you here and free. Free of your military indenturement. It brings me so much joy to imagine you free and in struggle, to imagine your joy.

Conclusion

I think it will be hard to grieve this loss without being able to be with his body. To not get to experience the physical and psychological effects of being with his body after he is gone.

I am feeling tiny and crushed by the magnitude and inertia of the systems we are fighting against. I feel tiny and helpless in the face of these systems that have existed for hundreds of years and will likely exist for hundreds more. I normally feel quite the opposite but right now I feel so small. How in this world do we find peace that is not complicity? I hope Aaron found his.

Aaron and his friends.

I want to end with two things, some words from Aaron’s will and a poem that he had been practicing to recite once he was out of the military.

From Aaron’s will:

“I am sorry to my brother and my friends for leaving you like this. Of course, if I was truly sorry, I wouldn’t be doing it. But the machine demands blood. None of this is fair.”

“I wish for my remains to be cremated. I do not wish for my ashes to be scattered or my remains to be buried as my body does not belong anywhere in this world. If a time comes when Palestinians regain control of their land, and if the people native to the land would be open to the possibility, I would love for my ashes to be scattered in a free Palestine.”