#Disclaimer: this is just a thought based on my own limited experiences and very limited research done on my own part | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mwolf0epsilon · 2 years ago

Note

Pls pls pls tell us how do you think clones react to trauma PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

Full disclaimer, this is probably a lot of projection on my part in regards to coping with my own trauma and just seeing subtle things in media that helps me process a lot of thoughts I've had in regards to past negative experiences.

I am not an expert on trauma, and I am missing a lot of tcw lore because I haven't watched the full series, but I figure maybe I'm onto something on some aspects...

Anywho:

The clones are traumatized. That much is a given, considering their entire existence and undying loyalty is based on a set education/training/indoctrination regiment that's undoubtedly traumatizing.

They live and die for a government and people that don't really care for them (we've seen so many subtle and not so subtle instances of it, with the most recent additions to the roster being the clone veteran on Daiyo, and Riyo Chuchi fighting for the rights of the clones during the rise of the Empire) And the clones are essentially forced to understand and accept this wholeheartedly from an early age.

They have no basic rights, citizenship or even an actual home/lifestyle/traditions to return to once the war is done. Everything that is "theirs" is borrowed from someone else (Kamino, the Mandalorian ways they learned from their trainers, and what other bits and pieces they meshed together to to form into their own culture from the natborns they have limited contact with). Not even their lives, their bodies, are technically theirs. They are property in every sense of the word, and being forced to accept that so willingly and unquestioningly is not easy on the mind or heart. It could break a lesser being really...

But it's all they know. And that's one of the cores of certain types of trauma, and the basis of how you react to said trauma. Because is it really torment if you're born into it? If you don't know anything else? How do you want better if you don't know there IS better?

As someone who's been put through the grinder myself, I recognize reactions that are definitely born out of trauma. I'm most familiar with two very specific reactions that I do often write about: Silent complacency (which is a more passive defense mechanism in situations of stress) and outbursts of irrational anger (which is a more active defense mechanism in situations of stress). These are things I do on a daily basis that I can't help doing...

Most clones fall on the former over the latter, with just a few actually reacting in true anger when they are challenged in ways they can't really explain away, process, or deal with cleanly. Even so, silent complacency does have subcategories, so they way clones deal with their trauma is really up to which subcategory they fall into.

Rex for example, is complacent to a certain degree but not enough so that he isn't rebellious when things go sour. Even so he makes it his goal to try to fix things in the least disagreeable way possible (finding makeshift solutions to problems, trying to find the middle ground even if he doesn't entirely agree with how things are, generally trying to maintain the order of things by making himself useful in some way), even if it means sacrificing others's respect of him and risking going against his own moral compass (Krell, I'm talking about Krell here).

Echo is paradoxical in both being complacent to how things are (letting TBB do nothing for far too long, and sticking around in this sort of stupor of denial and uncertainty of how to proceed, because he honestly went through way too much and hasn't had much time to process), but also being rather obviously angry about how things currently are, and wanting to use that anger constructively (eventually leaving to fight for a cause he can believe in).

Dogma was truly complacent, submitting to the will of his superiors without question because he was taught that this was how you survive long enough to make a difference in war (I won't call it cowardice like I've seen some people do, Dogma was not a coward, far from it, but he was too blinded by his own dogmatic thinking and misplaced loyalty). He was a clear product of upbringing and trauma, and survived by the means that were provided for him since his very birth. The veil was only lifted when things got so bad that there was just no going back... And he still accepted it. He accepted his own death with open arms.

Slick was absolutely enraged by his and the others's unlucky lot in life because, for some inexplicable reason, he was able to see past everything he and the others were taught was their life's mission. Their unquestionable right. And it sucks that we don't know much about him besides what we got, so we don't really know what pushed him to rebel so furiously and so impulsively (endangering the lives of hundreds of clones and the Jedi WAS an irrational thing, but the reason behind it was not), but the fact of the matter is that Slick saw that there was something better than what he and his brothers got, and he was ultimately disgusted by how little their lives mattered in the grand scheme of things. Slick didn't want to die for the republic, didn't accept that he was going to die for the republic, and still died for the republic. There was no way around it. It NEVER mattered whether or not he fought against his set destiny.

There's others who react in different ways to their trauma as well.

We have Cody who's coping mechanism is a sort of nihilistic acceptance that clone lives don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Not 100% blind to the fact their entire existence is a bit of a sham, but also not 100% ready to accept they are now part of the problem until he stops to fully evaluate it. He can't fight the injustice so he accepts it for as long as he can manage. Even if it hurts to live with the fact there's no real better tomorrow for them, and that they're forced to make very difficult choices that are not morally correct. The best he can do is think there's a better tomorrow for the galaxy instead, that his service counts for at least those he serves and protects... He'll float along but never really want for more. At least not for himself.

We also have Wolffe, who eventually becomes so paranoid that he risked losing the one thing he still had: The respect of his brothers. He's lost everything and he's too scared to lose everything all over again, so he protects it tooth and nail without relenting. Protects others from themselves, because he's seen what's beyond the veil of lies and he's unwilling to have anyone else see the rot that has crushed his very soul. He's afraid and angry. Most of all, he's terribly tired of conflict that he'd rather run away from if it means his remaining family lives...

We have outliers like Gregor who have so many reasons to be resentful, but who instead take every given day like it's a blessing. Even if everything goes to hell tomorrow, he still smiles and jokes and deals with everything one step at a time. He is protective of others, that much is clear, and he can get a little lost in his impulsivity, but he doesn't let the trauma rule him or his emotions. Not entirely at least. He's got way too much on his plate to stop and think about existential horror and the injustice of a cruel apathetic galaxy.

We also have the entitled (TBB) who make their trauma everyone else's problem rather than deal with it like adults. Why be altruistic and mindful of your own faults when you can point the finger at your perceived enemies? They're traumatized just like every other clone, but they don't try to process it or even sympathize or empathize with others. They're even apathetic enough that they do many things that undermine one of their own (Echo). In their own eyes they have suffered more (false) and deserve to be regarded as more worthy of praise because they are different.

Just... The clones being traumatized from day one. Behaving based on their traumatization.

Instinctively striving for minimal forms of control through naming themselves, altering their appearance and the paint on their kits. Never really knowing that there's better in life than that which they all intimately know. Never even really getting to thrive because that was never in the cards. Not even when they had someone fighting for them...

There's so much to talk about...

And it might just me reaching hard and empathizing with characters that are undoubtedly tragic, but I just... I donno. I want things to end well for them. Even if I know that's not the conclusion they'll get.

#star wars #the clone wars #food for thought #of clones and trauma #milfcutlawquane #captain rex #arc trooper echo #clone trooper dogma #sergeant slick #commander cody #commander wolffe #clone commando gregor #the bad batch

89 notes · View notes

oxygenbefore1775 · 7 months ago

Text

Ok so what's my interpretation of this line aside from the obvious one that Zeke is an evil-evil narcissistic self-absorbed piece of shit who cares for nothing but to spurn Levi ofc (im being facetious)

disclaimer: this is pretty cut-and-dry as the most of Zeke's motivation was lifted from the manga panels i.e. not speculated on by the likes of me

Just to be clear, Zeke doesn't say this out of the blue or just cuz he's in an insulting mood — it's a direct response to Levi's words preceding this, not a throwaway comment made to pull wool over Levi's eyes

Going back to the beginning of the ch 110, this whole interaction starts with Zeke retelling the events of the Ragako village to Levi — something that he's done a couple of times already — only to be accused of remorselessness by Levi later

It's only then that Zeke replies with:

In general, Zeke doesn't really care what people think of him or his motivations with Eren being the exception. He never tries to convince anyone of his euthanasia plan justness (hell, he doesn't reveal it to the majority of people *because* he knows they'll never understand and thus be approving of it). As seen in the panels from ch 113 below, Zeke believes that no one aside from Eren and himself is capable of understanding that's why he doesn't bother making them understand

(and it's not like Zeke says these words to be edgy or something — he's monologuing so there's no reason for him to lie or exaggerate when there's no one for him to hear that, this monologue is exclusively for the reader to take in)

Levi's opinion is of no value to Zeke. If it was, then Zeke would have made an attempt of justifying his position like he did with Eren. But he never did in the span of his entire involuntary stay in the forest. A month-long opportunity and never once did Zeke deign to use it to tell Levi about the events in his past that led him to the creation of the euthanasia plan. Because Zeke doesn't see it as necessary.

Levi tries to figure out Zeke, though. I suppose this is why Levi asks Zeke about Ragako a couple of times already, it's not the first instance that he hears this account from Zeke. Time and time again, all to come to the same conclusion — that is, that Zeke is not riddled with any guilt whatsoever. And as much as Levi is justified in his attempt to understand the motives of a person whose worldview goes against every value that Levi holds dear when it comes to human life — but his judgement is based solely on the previous interactions he's had with Zeke + Zeke's account of the Ragako village attack. And suffice to say all their previous interactions weren't really conducive to creating a fruitful conversation between them since the majority of times they met was in a battle.

(trying so hard not to sound like a Zeke apologist but—) Zeke does care about human lives in his own twisted way. As someone who's so fucked up in the head to think that death is the ultimate mercy, he truly believes he makes those he killed a great favor by ridding them of their painful existence.

All of this Levi could've learned but never does — all of his conclusions about Zeke are drawn from his very limited experience of interacting with Zeke (atp they had only 2-3 brief conversations which mainly consists of them trading taunts). Not that he is obliged to — Levi has enough reasons to judge Zeke for his actions yet he assumes Zeke's intentions and judges them too.

As per this post, the Japanese version intended Zeke's line about women to be a comment on Levi's social skills, how his ill-based notion about someone's motivations is making him out to sound unlikable. Hence it's followed by 'Don't act you understood someone else's thoughts'. Because in Zeke's mind, Levi never understood Zeke's thoughts/intentions.

Zeke thinks that no one is capable of understanding him or his intentions. That's why he doesn't appreciate Levi attempting to do it (and erroneously so) and shuts him down.

#basically its zeke saying judge me all you want but dont try to understand me because you never will #sorry if its incoherent i was running on pure spite #zeke #zeke yeager

8 notes · View notes

elfi-nimwelana · 11 days ago

Text

[DISCLAIMER: As always, you are not obligated to agree with or even see sense in the following post. This is simply my own opinion, a result of my own experiences and thought processes and observances over the years. It is not meant to be taken as The Correct Perspective.]

In observing the many and varied perspectives on social and political matters recently, I came to understand a concept that I could not quite put into words until now. This isn't very well-written, and I apologize for that. My mind is a bit drained at the moment, but I really wanted to get this out.

There may be more than one road to Truth. This may rub some people the wrong way, but hear me out: I've noticed that two parties that are diametrically opposed to one another can each still make very convincing arguments, both of which I can understand and agree with at the same time. Therefore I would only have to pick a side to stand on if I wanted to, and make that my stance. I often don't like doing this when I can see sense in both arguments simultaneously, obviously, and some people may think that's wishy-washy or waffley, but that's alright. Not everyone thinks this way, nor should they have to just because I decided to go on a tangent about it on social media. Others can have their own ideas about this matter, and they can be completely correct also. This seems to be the nature of the constellation of truths.

This is further demonstrated in an analogy about the sun's reflection off the water of the sea. I don't recall where I read this or when -- it might have been in the online Chapel, The Feminine Universe, or the Clear Recital, and I can't find it at the moment so I hope my explanation of it is understandable. The analogy went like this: when one stands on the beach looking at the sunset over the ocean, they will notice that the reflection of the sun seems to point directly towards them. However, someone standing on a completely different section of the beach will notice the exact same thing: the sun's reflection points directly at them. Yet another person standing elsewhere will see the same thing, and so on. Due to perspective, they do not and cannot see how the reflection points at each of the others from where they themselves are standing: they only see the one reflection, the light, making a path directly towards themselves.

Does this mean that each person's perspective is false in relation to the others? Not at all. The reflection indeed points at each of them alone, simultaneously. The Supernal Sun -- the Truth -- is also very much like this. There are many different ways to see it, but most are a reflection of the Truth. After all, most mythologies, particularly religious ones, are simply the most convenient way that we with our limited cognitions can interpret actual happenings on the Highest and most Divine planes of existence, and many of these mythologies, when we analyze them enough, are essentially saying the same thing.

Now, certain roads to the Truth may be more sure and certain than others, and some may be quicker or simpler, but they are not the only ones, and it isn't for me to know which ones are really absolutely for-sure the most certain ones. I can, at best, make educated guesses based on how I feel about them and how I already view the way the world should be. And everyone has a different way of viewing the way the world should be. This isn't to say that every view is correct -- some are very definitively morally reprehensible, and these, most people can agree, are abominations -- but there is more than one way to view the sunset on the beach. It is an interesting thing to think about if you're like me and view psycho-spiritual matters as ultimately a bit mystic and nebulous and Not Entirely For Us To Know.

#deanism #filianism #spiritual babble #philosophical babble

2 notes · View notes

suntreehq · 1 month ago

Text

Sugar Addiction Breaking Protocol

The following protocol works for me, and is based on repeated attempts and successful uses of the protocol. If you have a problem with limiting your processed sugar intake (sugar addiction), I would recommend trying some variation of this protocol to see if it works for you.

Standard disclaimers: I am not a doctor. I am not giving you medical advice. This data is from a sample size of 1: me.

I know that if I eliminate processed sugar from my diet for a minimum of 2 weeks, I get myself into a mode where I simply no longer crave sugar and sugary foods. You could put me in front of a table of delicious looking cakes and I simply would not care. I wouldn't be exercising willpower to resist having the cakes (or other sugary treats), I simply will have very little desire to have them. I effectively am in a different mode of being.

Getting to the "sugar-free" state however is not easy. This is the protocol which I have followed in the past that has successfully got me there:

Rule: No processed sugar at all, and no foods that contain processed sugar.

Rule: No honey. No maple syrup. No other natural sweeteners.

Rule: No fruit juices.

Obviously don't buy any of the above things and have them in the house.

Diet coke and artificial sweeteners are fine - but try to limit the intake.

For 2 weeks, anything savoury is permitted. Deep fried foods? Take away pizza? Everything is ok - even if it means going over my daily calorie limit. This rule is in place, so that in the event of craving sugar, I am allowed to eat something savoury instead. So: eating for sensory pleasure is allowed, as long as what is eaten does not contain processed sugar.

Fruits are allowed in unlimited quantities. And combined with the previous recommendation, eating fruits with nuts and greek yoghurt is encouraged.

Don't sit and work in coffee shops/cake shops that sell sugary food you find tempting.

Refuse all gifts of sugary food. Be rude if necessary. Get locked in mentally. It wouldn't be cool if you saw someone trying to tempt a recovering alcoholic with a drink, and its no more acceptable for someone to be trying to get me to be stuck in my sugar addiction.

Thats it. It's a simple protocol, just not easy to execute.

That last point is a sore one for me right now, as the other day I ended up eating a load of indian sweets that were gifted to me by people who know I am not meant to be eating sugar. Still, the responsibility and the failure is ultimately my own: I should have refused the gift even if it was seen as rude. Or I should have just immediately thrown the sweets away - but I dislike that as it is wasteful of food and doesn't enforce a boundary I have which other people should respect.

The key thing is to break the hold sugar has on me. To be rid of its temptations.

All other goals are deprioritised compared to this one:

The calorie deficit goal, fasting, social norms, existing habits and routines that might impact my adherence to the no-sugar protocol are to be deprioritised.

Previous experiences with the protocol mean I know I can expect to face the following:

The sugar addiction putting thoughts in my head like: "I can just start tomorrow", "One small piece of cake/chocolate/whatever will be fine" and similar self-sabotaging ideas.

I may find myself standing in the cookie or chocolate aisle of the supermarket, despite having no reason to be there.

A rawer connection to my emotional state. I won't be able surpress those pesky feelings with a mountain load of sugar.

But all of that will pass soon enough, and then I will be in a much better headspace, and mode of being. And sticking to my cutting diet and eating healthily in general just becomes so much easier, it's unreal.

This is a keystone goal or habit. Once its locked in, I find it makes a lot of other healthy habits and behaviours a lot easier to implement and adhere to.

I started the protocol earlier today, and I think I will go and eat some fruit right now...

#sugar addiction #protocol #behavior #mindset

2 notes · View notes

saintmeghanmarkle · 4 months ago

Text

i have a few questions: by u/LocksmithFar9486

i have a few questions: mental health support group usually is a community/regional based. it would make them easier to access public buildings for free, etc. now with this arcwell, how will they do it? is it montecito only? or california only? but why they collect all data without regional limit? i don't believe people who suffer actually will come to them, but if there's any, and they're in texas let's say, then what? or all of them will be only online based? no physical meeting? but they said "Connect with fellow parents navigating similar experiences in small, peer-led groups" who will pay for the room?wasn't there already too many support groups/free group therapy/center for things like this in the US? like what i already said, even parents on their video are not those who haven't get support/therapy/help. so what actually archwll want to do? are they aware that they actually offer nothing?James Holt, archwll executive director, he's british, right? doesn't he have family? wife? kids? it's been more than 4 years now. did he moved his family to montecito? if so, is 227k enough to live there? his previous jobs were basically all PR/communication position. now with little to no one who actually paid employees in archwell, James basically does all the works, including separate initiative like this, or packing their donations, arrange overseas trips, and everything. what are his job descs now actually? isn't he tired to work with those two very unprofessional bosses?is "parents' network" possible to be trademarked? isn't it too generic?my impression watching the video, they want the parents to make "loosing children" to become their whole and only identity (just like how meg makes "once upon a time i had a suicide thoughts" as her only identity).. like the way one of the mom said "we will say your kids name over and over again" is it the correct approach on this issue? isn't the good support group is the one who give them access to positive activities, hobbies, jobs opportunities, etc? post link: https://ift.tt/Cl5LE8Z author: LocksmithFar9486 submitted: August 05, 2024 at 08:35AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

2 notes · View notes

abysscronica · 1 year ago

Note

I hope it's ok to ask, I noticed you don't interact with many blogs or fandom discourse in general. Is there a reason?

Okay, I've received a couple of asks and DMs more or less revolving around this topic, so I'm going to address it here.

My blog's main goal is to interact with my existing readers, since all my stories are on AO3 and Wattpad (I've only posted a couple here). I use it to answer your questions on my writings, the characters, and whatever you guys want to ask me, and I love it. Of course I'm happy if I get some more readers from Tumblr, but that's not my primary aim here, at least for now.

It would be great to use this page to expand my followers, but I barely have time to actually write these days, so unfortunately, at the moment, I can't afford to spend any to curate this space... except for answering your asks. (on this regard, I know I'm months late for some, please don't lose hope, everything is there and will be worked on eventually!)

That said, even if I do get time to dedicate to my tumblr at some point, it'll probably be ordering my posts and posting my other stories, not much more. Before I go into more details on my thoughts on fandom discourse and fics/headcanons, let me repeat the usual disclaimer...

The ones below represent my very personal views. They are not right or wrong, and it absolutely does not mean I disapprove of different views. I encourage you all to enjoy the fandom experience and community in the way you see fit, as long as it's not damaging you or anyone else.

Fandom discourse. I... simply don't really care about it. I'm talking mainly about One Piece, but this can apply to any content I enjoy. Here's how my experience goes: I read the manga, the SBS, watch the anime, consume basically any content available. I follow a couple of OP youtubers talking about every little thing, from chapter reviews to any kind of news (Tekking101 and Sawyer7mage). Then I write fanfictions based on all the knowledge accumulated, of course expanding into my personal headcanons. This pretty much satiates my thirst for content and need for sources.

Obviously I enjoy talking about OP with other fans, especially like-minded ones such as Kid Pirates fans. Buuuut being an active part of the community can also be exhausting. I'm sure you know there's a lot of Kid dissing going on for example, and Kid fans are often caught in battles to defend him. I honestly don't want to take part into it, because I don't think other people's feelings about a character should influence my experience of the show anyway, so I don't care about changing their mind either. I just... wanna do my own thing and share it with my mutuals & readers.

Analyses, meta, theories. Honestly, the two OP youtubers I follow (plus Arthur's posts on Twitter) fulfill this need in a very comprehensive way. I've yet to see a single tumblr post that comes even close to their insights (but if you know some, feel free to point me in that direction, I'll be happy to check them out). They often even contain inaccurate information. I do reblog whatever I deem interesting though, and I'll gladly answer to anything if you wanna know about my thoughts.

Fics & headcanons. Once again, I'll always be super happy to share my content with you guys. I cannot accept fic requests but feel free to ask for any headcanon you may be interested in!

As for other people's stuff. I said this before, unfortunately I'm a terribly picky reader (this does not only apply to fics, but to literature in general). The slightest hint of "unjustified" OC, a Mary Sue trait on a MC, too many cliches, a writing style that does not catch me... I'll scroll ahead. I know many will roll their eyes at this, and they are right, but I just won't impose something I don't fully enjoy to myself, not with my limited spare time. But writers should write whatever they want and I'll never be unsupportive of that, even if it's not my jazz! The stuff I read and enjoyed, I reblog.

This should be all I have to say on the matter. If you have any further question, feel free to send and ask.

#personal

2 notes · View notes

musings-of-a-lit-student · 1 year ago

Text

The Honeymoon: Part 6

Disclaimer: I don’t own Maus or any of Spiegelman’s work. I have attached the photos from the work itself, but do not claim to own the scanned version either. I highly recommend purchasing the book to support the original author. My thoughts do not represent the author's work and are merely my own interpretations.

Warning: MAUS is a graphic novel based on the author’s father’s experiences during the holocaust and includes anecdotes and scenes including violence, blood which may be considered triggering.

Introduction: The work MAUS by Art Spiegelman is a novel that tells the story of Vladek Spiegelman and his experiences during the holocaust using an allegory and parallel storylines to depict the Vladek's past and Artie's present as he hears the story from his father. This work includes an autobiographical and biographical element due to the inclusion of two main characters - Vladek and Artie. Spiegelman makes the decision to introduce himself as a character in the work as a mouthpiece for himself.

Main Characters: Artie: The author Vladek: Artie's father Anja: Artie's mother Mala: Vladek's second wife Françoise: Artie's wife

Navigation ->The Honeymoon Masterlist -> Previous Part

MAUS by Art Spiegelman

Points of Interest:

Loss is common

During the war, and even after it, we see the Spiegelman family is often robbed. The confusion regarding intentions remains clear, as it could be due to antisemitism or merely monetary gain and the lack of understanding of the robbers perspective suggests that there is a lot of mundane events that trouble the Spiegelmans, besides from the Nazis even in the present.

Anja's Silence

Anja remains quiet while the men in her life discuss what has occurred during their time in the sanitarium. It is telling that after having 'recovered', she is still displaced in the family, and excluded from discussions that involve her things too. Her reunion with her father is limited by the business that involves only the men of the house.

Vladek's Dependance on his Father in Law

The reliance for funding and money to rebuild his factory suggests Vladek is making a lot of money by simply marrying Anja. He keeps referring to him, and Vladek is far from self-made right now, however his entrepreneurial skills and the such are what we shall see later. Right now Vladek leans on his family to move forward, just as they too shall do that in the future.

Spacious Courtyard

The largeness of the house is seen through the big courtyard Spiegelman draws. As he hasn't seen the house, we can assume he has chosen to present the house a spacious and open place to live in due to the information he has about the social and financial status of his family. It's a sharp contrast from squalor they live in during the war which he does to emphasise on the war's effects on his family.

Richieu's Innocence

Vladek's absent-minded parenting seems to reflect what Spiegelman himself has undergone. Vladek seems engrossed in the discussion of the growing danger, and Richieu is unaffected by all of this discussion about violence. The expectation that he may be troubled doesn't cross Vladek's mind, and Spiegelman seems to depict his own childhood where Vladek discussed violence, antisemitism and his experiences about the holocaust around him too. Check out the prologue here for a depiction of his childhood.

Violence Increasing

Hindsight is 20/20 and the discussion of Hitler's intentions in the present and the rising violence in the past is a clear sign of bad times coming, however within the past we see the characters do not take it very seriously, and only feel insults on a surface level. This suggests that they have covered a lot of ground between past and present, and with the knowledge of the past, the events and beliefs of then seem more unreasonable and unfounded.

Next Part

1 note · View note

so2collection · 1 year ago

Text

Star Ocean: Blue Sphere ~ A Review

Disclaimer: This is a subjective review. I think if you're good at skill based things like fighting games, party games, ect. you will enjoy this title more on a technical level.

Initial Thoughts I have always wanted to play Blue Sphere, as I'm sure many english speakers have always wanted to. I owned an original copy for years.

We waited two decades for a translation, and although this one was hastily made and even stolen, I think we were all happy to finally play it.

The game did get a remake for mobile phones in Japan, but it's considered lost media, so that wasn't an option, either. It's never been ported (as of writing this, it remains the only title to not have a modern port).

I even purchased two copies when FishyFaceGames printed them. Sadly, my open copy doesn't save (which seems to be a common problem). If you want to play this physical, get a different repro as I haven't heard them having any problems. Otherwise, the ROM is widely availible and I used GBA Emulator for my playthrough. I highly recommend using an emulator, do due to how much save scumming you'll want to do, especially for Item Creation and distributing SP. Having said all that, my biggest concerns going in were if this game could be completed by someone who did not have the skills to learn new battle skills through combos, as this seems necessary (it isn't, although it makes the game more difficult). My largest goal when making my guide was to provide a little more clarification on SP distribution, learning things like Lost Magic, Item Creation tips, and how to get the fabeled Blue Sphere… I think I accomplished that, so please enjoy the tips in the guide here. So, now that I've completed the game, what do I think of it, as a fan who has put 1000+ hours into SO2 on PS1 and 40 hours into my playthrough of Blue Sphere (not counting resets)?

Gameplay / Dungeons I'm going to start here. This game has so many issues. According to interviews, this game was meant to be a holdover for Star Ocean 3, therefore it was made for the Gameboy Color. The devs found making the systems simple = boring, so they did everything they could to make this a challenging (and frustrating) experience.

Firstly, learning new skills in battle. Everyone shares the fact that you must level the tree "correctly" to get the best skills. In some cases, like Celine, you must choose between high magic or her best spell; you cannot learn both. Learning skills has to be done in a secret order based on the character you're training; the only way to do this is to experiment, replay, or save scum. Even with saving, though, you can't know until you max out two entire trees, which takes the entire game. This takes away control away from the player right off the bat and can lead to paralyzing anxiety of making mistakes. You will. Dungeons are typical old school fair, but even Japanese players said they had trouble with the ones in this game. Particularly, Gravis Forest, Leviabor Ruins, and Grand Knott are troublesome and almost impossible without maps.

This can be exacerbated if you're playing on a Gameboy Pocket or a Super Gameboy, because of the limited to no color palette. A lot of dungeons also require specific Field Actions to explore, which are mostly limited to specific characters (especially Precis, the HM Slave, early on). It is nice that every character can be leveled whenever as long as you grind SP, which isn't hard to do, just time consuming. You can also go back to your ship to switch characters very often. However, late game, if you've not been leveling a side character at all, this can be time-consuming. One saving grace is the character does not have to be in the active party. I think, if they had the power at the time, being able to switch characters on the fly [in a dungeon] would have made this game's dungeon crawling SO much more fun and enjoyable. I found that treasure often was NOT worth going out of the way for. Usually towns provide enough updated equipment to keep you going and the dungeons tend to provide useless or redundant rewards. There are a few exceptions late game, though, which made exploring a bit more worth it (and you're more likely to have a character in your team to use).

Enemies are on the screen, however, they often can't be avoided, even with Dias' dash. Only a few characters can gain an initiative / surprise with their FAs, like Celine's Magic Shot. This isn't necessary but it does help and you can hit an enemy first with anyone, but it's trickier without the long range FA.

I found that running from battle did work more like 70% of the time. Running also removes the enemy from the field, which is nice. The balancing is not great, if you can't combo with a fighter. Some enemies will absolutely trash your mages at the start, making battles insufferable. Again, the only reason the mages die is because you can't freely raise their HP without messing up their skill tree. Armor only helps so much. The dungeon designs themselves aren't bad and are beautiful to look at, but there are a few times I almost dropped the game entirely if I hadn't had the Japanese guides I was referencing.

Item Creation (IC) / Misc. Mechanics So, remember I said the devs love taking control away from the players? I'm sure there are some that do not enjoy Star Ocean's random IC, but it was better implemented in SO2. Here, you must score a specific amount of points or some other specific action by completing mini-games that only use the D-Pad, which is clunky by today's standards. I can partially forgive this, but some of the games really are almost impossible, even with the support item and max level that "makes it easier". I never enjoyed this mechanic, except on the Art game. Even then, that one has a random element of which color you get to play. Limiting the Ultimate Battle Skills to the Blue Sphere item, I understand, but making it impossible to obtain sucks. I know they intended the Connect feature to be used, but this is ultimately a single player experience and the Alchemy game is too difficult to get them even somewhat consistently! I'm talking 1/50 attempts would be fine for something so rare, but I never got one. You get one free one in the entire game, but you have to be playing on a specific model Gameboy to obtain it! There are other treasure that use this mechanic, rewarding those that play on the black and white screen with better stuff, but for something designed for the GB Color, you think we'd have an option as well. Luckily, on an emulator, you can change your model, but if you're playing physical you may be out of luck. I could ramble about all the IC mini-games, as they are skill based and so your opinion may be very different, even positive, if you're good at these kind of games, but I didn't enjoy it and the lack of control to the player once again makes this an awful experience. From what I gather also, gaining a fighter's ultimate battle skill is linked to possibly sacrificing their ultimate main-game weapon. Who would decide something like that?! Sparking magic is something I haven't discussed. Honestly, it was one of the better mechanics in the game… if you knew what you needed. Often spells require: you control the character, you use the right spell (random chance to unlock), and the required stat is high enough. This is a lot of variables with no indicator. I can see this being frustrating for players.

NPCs are there and some PAs do fill out the world a bit more, but for the most part you will be screaming at them to move or ignoring them entirely. Weapons/Equiptment/Acessories are something run of the mill for the most part. You can buy them (enemies don't drop money) or make them (IC) or find them in treasure chests. The Ultimate Weapons are either obtained through Private Actions or using the Blue Sphere item I discussed previously. Making money is a problem early on. Fine. Learn Cooking and play an okay mini-game and make some. Sell stuff you don't use. This isn't the worst problem in the game, but nothing tells you how to make any money and if you mess up a skill tree teaching one of your main three Cooking, then you're out of fucking luck. Inherently, you would have 3 main party members for battle and the rest saved for IC, but I would have to bring up the problem of switching characters on the fly remotely again. Sometimes going back to the ship when you're halfway through a dungeon is just not feasible. There really aren't any sidequests to speak of outside Private Actions and Ruddle. Standard Star Ocean fair which I'll go into more below. There is a lengthy post-game that was a given for this era of Tri-Ace, including the infamous Cave of Trials (I didn't confirm this, but I bet you can save anywhere which is a relief). You have to collect the God Rings all over the game and then tackle the dungeon. I didn't do this personally as there isn't any story to be gained, but completionists and diehards will love to see it return.

Graphics / Music

I can safely say there are not many complaints here. The graphics are gorgeous, as expected from this era of Enix and Tri-Ace. Motoi Sakuraba did the best he could given the hardware and a lot of tracks sound redundant, but I never found it particularly irritating. If anything the music fades into the background. The battle theme is a banger, though!

Story / Private Actions The story isn't too in-depth. That's okay, given the space they had for the catridge. I don't think it means to take itself too seriously. Tri-Ace has never had master level writing chops, so don't go in expecting a grand adventure for the story. There's just enough to get you from point A to point B and the last 5 hours of the game contain most of the plot, explaining the world and the final boss' motivations. There's nothing bad or great about it.

Private Actions are great as always. They really kept the spirit of the cast from 2 here. In fact, they wanted to add more, but there just wasn't enough space to do so. We only get a measly 25ish PAs in this game, compared to the 100 or so in 2, but that's okay. Some of them are really fun! Most of them aren't missable, although they can't all be seen in one playthrough (there's a few you must pick between). PAs really are a highlight in this game, especially if you're a fan of 2. I recommend doing as many as you can. Some have good rewards, too.

Conclusion

I would give this game a 6/10

As a fan of the series. The frustrating elements make me score it lower. The game shines with its graphics, music, and Private Actions, but ultimately leaves a somewhat lackluster experience.

Do I regret my time spent with Blue Sphere? Not really. I think it was alright. I think if you love SO2, you should give it a shot. The game is only 35-45 hours for the main story and technical skill isn't required to complete, but it does make it easier. The frustrating elements can be weathered through (I took a one week break and a weekend break at seperate points of frustration…) I think if you love the characters, seek out the PAs. If you love the story, you may consider watching on YT instead as there really isn't a lot of meat there and the ending is very "we saved the world, let's go on another adventure!" and not the most satisfying. There aren't multiple endings here, either. Replayability is very dependent on how you play personally. I think you could get all you need from this game if you played very carefully and planned everything in advance. A replay might be worth it if you want to challenge yourself with other characters in your main team; I would find this unbearable. All in all, I would recommend it to someone who loves skill-based titles, dungeon crawlers, or Star Ocean 2. I think the game has too many issues to make it enjoyable to play or replay, but this is a very decisive title running on dated hardware with a shoddy translation. I hope this review provided some insight and if it wasn't enough, you can view my walkthrough here to see if it is something more suited to you.

#star ocean blue sphere #review #video game review #jrpg review #fan translated #SOBS

1 note · View note

xoxo-ren-xoxo · 1 month ago

Text

not waiting for a response I'm writing it down now.

obligatory disclaimer that these thoughts aren't meant to fully encompass the realities of everyone with OCD, they're based on my own understanding and experience (that being said some of the shit I'm going to say won't even be direct OCD symptoms but rather indirect things I find interesting) and also again I'm talking about the character here, based on edited videos where a character/persona is played, not trying to diagnose the real guy.

Grian is such a fun character I love him very much. And he has OCD of course. One of the most obvious examples here is from season 10 - the mending book fishing incident. I fully believe Grian developed an obsessive compulsive fixation. Something along the lines of "If I don't fish 24/7 someone else will get the mending book - so I must not stop fishing".

With OCD there's a lot of 'I am afraid of [blank] happening therefore I do [blank] to prevent it', which can be illogical or partially logical but always going beyond a "normal" level of fixation on the bad thing happening, to the point of meltdowns and panics if the person with OCD can't do the Thing. Here then, Grian is afraid of missing the chance to get mending, so he pushes himself to unhealthy limits trying to fish. To the point that it becomes a bit for the other hermits.

Of course, the hermits are used to Grian's wacky shenanigans, so they don't think it's that unusual. Though they do join in on the bit, poke fun, and get silly. Grian also extends the obsession and compulsions by analysing fishing statistics and making the fish chamber. Which brings the whole thing to new levels of extremely unhealthy - but ultimately kinda funny.

Anyway, if you look hard enough there are definitely examples of this same phenomenon happening elsewhere in different hc seasons. Grian tends to get obsessively attached to certain things and keeps up "rituals" to prevent Bad Things from happening, to varying levels of logic and success. He also has a Builders Itch that just has to be scratched, which you could argue is another OCD moment. Like "if I don't build Right Now, something bad will happen" kind of urge.

Also could argue that the opposite is true too - sometimes he goes through periods of inability to build, procrastinating out of fear that it will go wrong. "If I don't start building, nothing bad can happen" - a sort of avoidant OCD, it could be argued. (Also similar to ADHD).

Intrusive thoughts are something that can't exactly be proven unless you're literally In the characters head, but Grian does narrate his thoughts quite a lot. He has a lot of impulsive thoughts and actions - which he acts on - but it's hard to gather evidence for intrusive thoughts because they usually go unsaid and never acted upon. I'm *sure* someone could find examples of Grian saying some wild stuff randomly and not doing anything about it, but I'm not that guy. It's also tricky because Hermitcraft has very few lasting consequences... so intrusive thoughts about death and destruction wouldnt hold the same impact as usual and therefore wouldn't come up as often as they do irl.

Anyway, I also think Grian has a tendency to believe things that people say - "moral" things, that is. Like, for example, if someone left a sign out saying 'anyone who leaves chest monsters around is stinky' he would either go on a crazy cleaning streak or declare himself stinky. He wouldn't necessarily try to challenge it, despite his often defiant nature. When it comes to "moral" identifiers, he is kind of paranoid about what people think of him. Idk if that makes any sense idk I can't think of a good actual example of this but it feels true in my heart ❤️

^ he also gives in to peer pressure quite a lot.

In the life series Grians OCD gets crazy. Which is understandable. It's why he can't really handle being around Scar and gets very frustrated with him and other chaotic characters. Grian wants, ultimately, to have control. He wants to Do Things His Way and if that doesn't happen he gets very emotional. His Way is also not necessarily the Best Way. But he wants things done a certain way and by god... he's gonna do it.

In the life series Grian is hyper aware of danger lurking around every corner. He's paranoid - feels the life and opportunities slipping from him with every passing second. Which all really heightens this idea of 'if I don't do [thing] then Bad Things Will Happen'.

He's also a control freak on hermitcraft but he hates responsibility which is hilarious and relatable.

Other things I think are Grian OCD moments are: button pushing (OCD soothing compulsion), general perfectionism, organisation systems that only make sense to him, any kind of grindy repetitive task

Thanks for coming to my ted talk it's 10.30pm and I have a headache this does not cover everything good night

sometimes I feel like I NEED to make an insane post analysing (c!)Grians obvious OCD but then I remember I might get crucified by the woke mob (hermitblr) for being mean about it 😔 would you guys still love me if I recognised deep rooted characterisation nuances within my blorbo...

#grian ocd #life series

55 notes · View notes

pumpkinpaix · 4 years ago

Note

Pleeeeeeease get into the class one at some point because I very much want to understand the class dynamics happening in the story but I have yet to find a meta that dives into it

god anon you want me dead don’t you alsjdfljks

referring to this post

okay, so -- my specific salt about class interpretations in mdzs are very targeted. I can’t pretend to have a deep understanding of how class works in mdzs generally because uhhhhh yeah i don’t think i have that. i’m just not familiar enough with the genre and/or the particulars of chinese class systems. but! i can talk in general terms as to why I feel a certain way about the class dynamics that I do think I understand and how I think they relate to the themes of the novel! i’m gonna talk about wei wuxian, the daozhangs, xue yang, and 3zun with, I’m sure, a bunch of digressions along the way.

the usual disclaimers: i do not think you are a bad person if you hold opinions contrary to my own. i may disagree with you very strongly, but like. this isn’t a moral judgment, fandom is transformative and interpretive etc. etc. and i may change my mind. who knows what the future will bring!

OKAY so let’s begin!

here’s the thing about wei wuxian: he’s not poor. I think because characters use “son of a servant” kind of often when they’re trying to insult him, a lot of people latch onto that and think that it’s a much stronger indication of his societal status than it actually is. iirc, most of the insults that fall along the “son of a servant” line come after wei wuxian starts breaking severely from tradition. it’s a convenient thing to attack him for, but doesn’t actually indicate anything about his wealth. (exception: yu ziyuan, but that’s a personal familial issue) this is in direct contrast to jin guangyao who is constantly mocked for his family line, publicly and privately, no matter what he does.

so this, coupled with all the jokes about wwx never having any money (wei wuqian, sizhui’s “i’ve long since known you had no money” etc.), plus his like, rough years on the street as a child ends up producing this interpretation of wei wuxian, especially in modern aus, as someone who is very class conscious and “eat the rich”. but the fact of the matter is, wei wuxian IS rich. aside from the years in his childhood and the last two years of his life in yiling, like -- wei wuxian had money and status. he is gentry. he is respected as gentry. he is treated as a son by the sect leader of yunmeng jiang -- he does not have the jiang name, but it is so very clear that jiang fengmian favors him. wei wuxian is ranked fourth of all the eligible young masters in the cultivation world -- that is not a ranking he could have attained without being accepted into the upper class.

wei wuxian’s poverty does not affect him in the way that it affects jin guangyao or xue yang. he is of low-ish birth (still the son of jiang fengmian’s right hand man though! ok sure, “son of a servant” but like. >_> whatever anyways), but for most of his life he had money. he, jiang cheng, and their sect brothers go into town and steal lotus pods with the understanding that “jiang-shushu will pay for it”. this is a regular thing! that’s fucking rich kid behavior!!! wei wuxian is careless with money because he doesn’t have to worry about it. he still has almost all the benefits of being upper class: education, food security, respect, recognition etc. I think there may also be a misconception that wei wuxian was always on the verge of being kicked out by yu ziyuan, or that he was constantly walking on eggshells around her for fear of being disowned, but that is just textually untrue. i could provide receipts, but I admittedly don’t really feel like digging them up just now ;;

even in his last years in yiling, he was not the one who was dealing with the acute knowledge of poverty: wen qing is the one managing the money, and as far as we know, wei wuxian did little to no management of daily life during the burial mounds days -- mostly, he’s described as hiding in his cave for days on end, working on his inventions, running around like a force of chaos, frivolously making a mess of things -- it’s very very cute that he buries a’yuan in the dirt, but in classic wei wuxian fashion, he did Not think about the practical consequences of it -- that A’Yuan has no other clean clothes, and now he’s gotten this set dirty and has no intention of washing them. is this a personality thing? yeah, but I think it’s also indicative of his lack of concern over the logistics of everyday survival, re: wealth.

furthermore, i think it is important to remember that wei wuxian, when he is protecting the wen remnants, is not protecting common folk: he is still protecting gentry. fallen gentry, yes! but gentry nonetheless. wen qing was favored by wen ruohan, and wen ning himself says that he has a retinue of people under his command (the remnants, essentially). their branch of the family do not have the experience of living and growing in poverty -- they are impoverished and persecuted in their last years, but that’s a very different thing from being impoverished your whole life. (sidenote: I do not believe wei wuxian’s primary motivation for defending the wen remnants was justice -- i believe he did it because he felt he owed wen ning and wen qing a life debt, and once he was there, he wasn’t going to stand around and let the work camps go on. yes, he is concerned about justice and doing the right thing, but that’s not why he went in the first place. anyways, that’s another meta)

after wei wuxian returns, he then marries back into gentry, and very wealthy gentry at that. lwj provides him all the money he could ever want, he is never worried about going homeless, starving, being denied opportunities based on his class and accompanying disadvantages. who would dare? and neither wei wuxian nor lan wangji seem to have much interest in shaking up the order of things, except in little things like the way they teach the juniors. they live in gusu, under the auspices of the lan, and they live a happy, domestic life.

were his years on the street traumatizing? yes, of course they were, there’s so much delicious character exploration to be done re: wei wuxian’s relationship to food, his relationship to his own needs, and his relationship to the people he loves. it’s all important and good! but I feel very strongly that that experience, while it was formative for him, did not impart any true understanding of poverty and the common person’s everyday struggles, nor do I think he ever really gains that understanding. he is observant and canny and aware of class and blood, certainly, but not in a way that makes it his primary hill to die on (badum-tss).

this is in very stark contrast to characters like jin guangyao and xue yang, and to some extent, xiao xingchen and song lan. I’ll start with the daozhangs, because I think they’re the simplest (??).

I think both xiao xingchen and song lan have class consciousness, but in a very simplified, broad-strokes kind of way (at least, given the information we know about them). we know that the two of them share similar values and want to one day form their own sect that gives no weight to the nobility of your lineage and has no concern with your wealth. we also know that they both disdain intersect politics and are more concerned with ideals and principles rather than status. but, I think because of that, this actually somewhat limits their perception and understanding of how status is used to oppress. as far as we know, neither of them participated on any side in sunshot and they demonstrate much more interest in relating to the commoners. honestly, i hc that they were flitting around trying to help decimated towns, protecting defenseless villages etc. I ALSO think this has a lot of interesting potential in terms of xiao xingchen and wei wuxian’s relationship, if xiao xingchen is ever revived. regardless of whether you’re in CQL or novel verse, xiao xingchen really doesn’t know wei wuxian at all, other than knowing that he’s his shijie’s son. he knows that cangse-sanren met with a tragic end, like yanling-daoren before her, and that he wants to be different. but here is cangse-sanren’s son, laying waste to entire cities, desecrating the dead. I would very much like to get into xiao xingchen’s head during that period of time (and i think, if i do it right, i can write some of it into the songxiao fixit), but that’s neither here nor there, because i’ve wandered off from my point again.

i would posit that song lan is used to an ascetic lifestyle, and xiao xingchen probably is too -- but that’s different from poverty because there’s an element of choice to it. I also think that neither of them is particularly worldly, xiao xingchen especially. he lived on an isolated mountain until he was like, seventeen, and he came down full of ideals and naivete about how the world worked. I think that both of them see inequality, that they are angered by it, and that they want to do something about it -- but their solution is neither to topple the sects, nor is it to reform the system. rather, it seems to be more about withdrawing and creating their own removed world. I think that the daozhangs embody a kind of utopianism that isn’t present in the minds of any of the other characters, not even wangxian. honestly, baoshan-sanren’s mountain is a utopian ideal, but one that is not described. it exists outside of and beyond the world. i have a lot of jumbled, vague thoughts about utopianism generally, mostly informed by china miéville and ursula k. le guin, and I don’t think i have the ability to articulate them here, but i wanted to. hm. say something? there is something about the inherent dystopianism contained within every utopia, that utopias are necessary, but also reflections of the existence of terrible things in their conception. idk. there’s something in there, I know it!! but i suppose what I want to say is -- i do not think the daozhangs understand class and social hierarchy very deeply because they don’t see a need to examine it deeply. for their goals, the details aren’t the point. they’re not looking to reform within the system, they’re looking to build something outside of it. I think they spend a lot of time concerned with alleviating the symptoms of social oppression, and their values reflect the injustices they witness there.

regardless, even if their story ends in tragedy and there is a certain amount of critique re: the utopian approach, i think the text still emphasizes that xiao xingchen left a utopia and that he thought that people mattered enough for him to try, and that was an incredibly honorable, kind, and human thing to do.

YEAH SURE THE DAOZHANGS ARE THE SIMPLEST ok ok RETURNING to class and moving forward: xue yang.

i also don’t think xue yang has class consciousness lol, or not in any way that really matters, but I do think poverty impacted him in a much stronger way than it impacted wei wuxian. wei wuxian spent some years on the street as a child. xue yang grew up on the streets. chang ci’an’s horrific treatment of him was directly due to his class and social standing: chang ci’an is a nobleman and xue yang is not even worth the dirt beneath the wheels of his cart. what I think is the seminal point though, is that this does not make xue yang think particularly deeply about systemic injustice, because xue yang is so self-centered, self-driven, and individualistic. he is not even slightly concerned about how poverty and class might affect other people -- they’re other people. what he takes away from his experience is not an anger at being wrongfully cheated by a system, but an anger at being wrongfully cheated by a specific man.

xue yang is not particularly concerned with the politics of the aristocracy -- he has no obvious ambitions other than, “i want to eat sweets whenever i please”, “i want to hurt anyone who wrongs me”, and “i want to be so strong that no one can hurt me”. like, he just doesn’t care -- it’s not the kind of power he wants. he sneers at people for like, personal reasons, not class reasons -- “you think you’re better than me” re: xiao xingchen and song lan. to him, all people -- poor, wealthy, noble, common -- are essentially equal, and they are all beneath him. after all, what does he care what family someone comes from, how much money they have? everyone bleeds when you cut them. some of them might be harder to get to than others, but xue yang does not fear that sort of thing. it’s just another obstacle he needs to vault on his way to getting revenge and/or a pastry.

ANYWAYS onto jin guangyao (wow this is hm. getting rather long ahaha oh dear): I would argue that the two characters with the most acute understanding of class/societal politics and the injustice of them are jin guangyao and lan xichen. i’ll start with jin guangyao for obvious reasons.

where xue yang took the damaging effects of poverty as personal slights, I think jin guangyao is painfully aware that there is nothing personal about them, which is, in some ways, much worse. why are two sons, born on the same day to the same father, treated so differently? just because.

he watched his mother struggle and starve and work herself to the bone in a profession where she was constantly disrespected and abused for almost nothing in return, while his father could have lifted her out of poverty with the wave of a finger. why didn’t he? because he didn’t like her? no -- because he didn’t care, and the structures of the society they live in protect that kind of blase treatment of the lower class.

“so my mother couldn’t choose her own fate, is that her fault?” jin guangyao demands. he knows that he is unbelievably talented, that he has ambition, that he has potential, and that all of it is beyond his grasp just because his father didn’t want to bother with it. his mother’s life was destroyed, and his own opportunities were crippled with that negligence. it isn’t personal. that’s just the way things are. your individual identity is meaningless, your humanity does not exist. when he’s kicked down the steps of jinlin tai, it’s just more confirmation that no matter how talented or hardworking he is, no one will give him the time of day unless he finds a way to take it himself and become someone who “matters”.

jin guangyao’s cultivation is weak because he had a poor foundation, and he had a poor foundation because he was denied access to a good one. he copies others because that’s all he can do at this point, and he copies so well that he can hold his own against some of the strongest cultivators of his generation. he’s disparaged for copying and “stealing” techniques, but -- he never would have had to if only he had been born/accepted into the upper class. the fact is that i really do think jin guangyao was the most promising cultivator of his generation that we meet, including the twin jades and wei wuxian: he had natural talent, ambition, creativity, determination and cunning in spades. in some ways, I think that’s one of the overlooked tragedies of jin guangyao: the loss of not just the good man he could have been, but the powerful one too. imagine what he could have done.

jin guangyao spends his entire time in the world of the aristocracy feeling unsteady and terrified because he knows exactly how precarious his position is. he knows how easy it is to lose power, especially for someone like him. he’s working against so many disadvantages, and every scrap of honor he gets is a vicious battle. jin guangyao fears, and I think that’s something that’s lacking in xue yang, wei wuxian and the daozhangs’ experiences/understandings of poverty. i think it’s precisely that fear that emphasizes jin guangyao’s understanding of class and blood. jin guangyao exhibits an anxiety that neither wei wuxian nor xue yang do, and it’s because he truly knows how little he is worth in the eyes of society and how little there is he can do to change that. to me, it very much feels related to the anxiety of not knowing if tomorrow you’ll have something to eat, if tomorrow you’ll still have a home, if tomorrow someone will destroy you and never have to answer for it. it’s the anxiety of knowing helplessness intimately.

moreover, jin guangyao is the only person shown to use the wealth and power at his disposal to take concrete steps to actually help the common people typically ignored by the powerful -- the watchtowers. they’re described in chapter 42. it’s a system that is designed to cover remote areas that most cultivators are reluctant to go due to their inconvenience and the lack of means of the people who live there. the watchtowers assign cultivators to different posts, give aid to those previously forgotten, and if the people are too poor to pay what the cultivators demand, the lanling jin sect pays for it. jin guangyao worked on this for five years and burned a lot of bridges over it. people were strongly opposed to it, thinking that it was some kind of ploy for lanling jin’s personal benefit. but the thing is -- it worked. they were effective. people were helped.

i believe CQL frames the watchtowers as an allegory for a surveillance state/centralized control (i think?? it’s been a minute -- that’s the hazy impression i remember, something like a parallel to the wen supervisory offices?), but I personally don’t think that was the intent in the novel. the watchtowers are a public good. lanling jin doesn’t staff them with their own sect members -- they get nearby sects to staff them. it’s a warning network that they fund that’s supposed to benefit everyone, even those that everyone had considered expendable.

(did jin guangyao do terrible things to achieve this goal? yeah lol. it’s not confirmed, but his son sure did die... suspiciously...... at the hands of an outspoken critic of the watchtowers........ whom he then executed....... so like, maybe just a convenient coincidence for jin guangyao, two birds one stone, but. it seems. Unlikely.)

lan xichen is the only member of the gentry that ever shows serious compassion for and nuanced understanding of jin guangyao’s circumstances. lan xichen treats him as his equal regardless of jin guangyao’s current status -- even when he was meng yao, lan xichen treated him as a human being worthy of respect, as someone with great merits, as someone he would choose as a friend, but he did so knowing full well the delicate position meng yao occupied. this is in direct contrast to nie mingjue, who also believed that meng yao was worthy of respect as a human being, but was completely unable to comprehend the complexities of his circumstances and unwilling to grant him any grace. you know, the difference between “i acknowledge that your birth and status have had effects upon you, but I don’t think less of you for it” and “i don’t consider your birth and status at all when i interact with you because i think it is irrelevant” (“i don’t see color” anyone?)

to illustrate, from chapter 48:

大抵是觉得娼妓之子身上说不定也带着什么不干净的东西，这几名修士接过他双手奉上来的茶盏后，并不饮下，而是放到一边，还取出雪白的手巾，很难受似的，有意无意反复擦拭刚才碰过茶盏的手指。聂明玦并非细致之人，未曾注意到这种细节，魏无羡却用眼角余光扫到了这些。孟瑶视若未见，笑容不坠半分，继续奉茶。蓝曦臣接过茶盏之时，抬眸看他一眼，微笑道：“多谢。”

旋即低头饮了一口，这才继续与聂明玦交谈。旁的修士见了，有些不自在起来。

rough tl:

Probably because they believed that the son of a prostitute might also carry some unclean things upon his person, after these few cultivators took the teacups offered from [Meng Yao’s] two hands, they did not drink, but instead put them to one side, and furthermore brought out snow white handkerchiefs. Quite uncomfortably, and whether they were aware of it or not, they repeatedly wiped the fingers they had just used to touch the teacups. Nie Mingjue was not a detail-oriented person and never took note of such particulars, but Wei Wuxian caught these in the corner of his eye. Meng Yao appeared as if he had not seen, his smile unwavering in the slightest, and continued to serve tea. When Lan Xichen took the teacup, he glanced up at him and, smiling, said, “Thank you.”

He immediately dipped his head to take a sip, and only then continued to converse with Nie Mingjue. Seeing this, the nearby cultivators began to feel somewhat uneasy.

all right, since we’re in full cyan-rampaging-through-the-weeds mode at this point, i’m going to talk about how this is one of my favorite 3zun moments in the entire novel for characterization purposes because it really highlights how they all relate to one another, and to what degree each of them is aware of their own position in relation to the others and society as a whole.

1. nie mingjue, who is a forthright and blunt person, sets meng yao to serving tea and is done with it. he notices nothing wrong or inappropriate about the reactions of the people in the room because it’s not the sort of thing he considers important.

2. meng yao, knowing that his only avenue is to take it lying down with a smile, masks perfectly.

3. lan xichen, noticing all this, uses his own reputation to achieve two things at once: pointedly shame the other cultivators in attendance, and show meng yao that regardless of others’ opinions, he considers him an equal and does not endorse such behavior--and he does it while taking care that no fallout will come down on meng yao’s head.

is this yet another installment of cyan’s endless lxc defense thesis? why yes it is! no one is surprised! but this is my whole point: both meng yao and lan xichen understand the respective hierarchy and power dynamics within the room, while nie mingjue very much does not. this is not because nie mingjue is a bad person or because nie mingjue is stupid--it’s a combination of personality and upbringing. nie mingjue is straightforward and has no patience for such games. but then again, he can afford not to play because he was born into such a high position: that’s a privilege.

to break it down: meng yao knows that he is the lowest-ranked person in the room, sees the way people are subtly disrespecting him in full view of his general who is doing nothing about it. in some ways, this is good -- nie mingjue’s style of dealing with conflict is very direct and not at all suited to delicate political maneuvering. after all, the way he promoted meng yao was actually quite dangerous to meng yao: he essentially guaranteed that his men would bear meng yao a grudge and that their disrespect for him would only be compounded by their bitterness at being punished on his behalf. (it’s like, why often getting parents or teachers to intervene ineffectively in bullying can just be an incitement to more bullying -- same concept) meng yao’s reaction during that scene shows that he’s pretty painfully aware of this and is trying to defuse the situation to no avail. nie mingjue gives him a bootstrap speech (rip nie mingjue i love u so much but. sir) and then promotes him, which is pretty much the only saving grace of that entire exchange, for meng yao at least.

lan xichen, on the other hand, understands both that meng yao is the lowest-ranked person in the room and that any direct attempt to chastise the other cultivators in the room will only serve to hurt meng yao in the long run. he knows that if this were brought to nie mingjue’s attention, he would be outraged and not shy about it -- also bad for meng yao. so he uses what he has: his immaculate reputation. by acting contrary to the other cultivators’ behavior, he demonstrates that he finds their actions unacceptable but with the plausible deniability that it wasn’t directed at them, that this is just zewu-jun being his usual generous self. this means that the other cultivators have no one to blame but themselves, nothing to do but question their own actions. there is nowhere to cast off their discomfort. meng yao didn’t do anything. lan xichen didn’t do anything -- he just thanked meng yao and drank his tea, isn’t that what it’s there for? he doesn’t disrupt the peace, he doesn’t attack anyone and put them on the defensive, but he does make his position very clear.

i know this is a really small thing and i’m probably beating it to death, but I really think this shows just how cognizant lan xichen is of politics and emotional cause and effect in such situations. certainly, out of context I think the scene reads kind of cliche, but within the greater narrative of the story and within the arc of these characters specifically, I think it was a really smart scene to include. it also showcases lan xichen’s style of action: that he moves around and with a problematic situation as opposed to moving straight through.

not to be salty on main again, but this is why it’s very frustrating to me when I see people call lan xichen passive when he is anything but. his actions just don’t look like traditional “actions”, especially to an american audience. it’s easy to understand lan wangji and wei wuxian’s style of problem-solving: taking a stand, moving through, staying strong. lan xichen is juggling an inconceivable number of factors in any given situation, weighing his responsibilities in one role against those in another, and then trying to find the path through the thicket that will cause the least harm, both to himself and the thicket. lan wangji and wei wuxian are not particularly good at considering the far-reaching consequences of their actions -- again, not because they are bad people, but because of a combination of personality and upbringing. they’d just hack through the thicket, not thinking about the creatures that live in it. that is not a terrible thing! it isn’t. it’s a different way of approaching a problem, and it has different priorities. that’s okay. there are advantages and disadvantages on both sides, and where you come down is going to depend on your personal values.

okay we’ve spiraled far and away from my original point, but let’s circle back: i was talking about class.

I think it’s undeniable that class, birthright, fate etc. are some of the driving forces of thematic conflict in mdzs, and the way each character interacts with those forces reveals a lot about themselves and also about the larger themes of fate, chance, and what it means to be righteous and good and how that is and isn’t rewarded. a lot of the tragedy of mdzs (the tragedy that isn’t caused by direct aggression on the part of one group or another) stems from the injustices and slights that people suffered due to their lot in life. it isn’t fair. none of it is fair! we sympathize with jin guangyao because we recognize that what he suffered was unconscionable, even if we don’t excuse him. i sympathize A Lot with xue yang as well for similar reasons, though I understand that’s a harder sell. this is a story focused on the mistakes of an entrenched, aging gentry and the effects that those mistakes had on their children, and a lot of it has to do with prejudice based in class and birth status. whether the prejudice was the true reason or whether it was just a convenient excuse, the fact remains that the systems in place rewarded and protected the people in power who used it to cling to that power. mdzs is also a story of how the circumstances of one’s life can offer you impossible choices that you cannot abstain from, and it asks us to be compassionate to the people who made terrible choices in terrible times. it’s about the inherent complexity in all things! that sometimes, there are no good choices, and i don’t know, i’d like to think that people would show me compassion if I had to make the choices some of these characters did. not just wei wuxian, mind you, every single one of them. except jin guangshan because I Do Hate Him sorry. and i guess wen ruohan. i think that’s it.

good. GOD this is clocking in at //checks notes -- just over 5k. 8′D *stuffs some weeds into my mouth like the clown i am*

(ko-fi? :’D *lies down*)

2K notes · View notes

allmonstersxarehuman · 3 years ago

Text

Min Yoongi ↹ nsfw alphabet

Disclaimer: The nsfw alphabet list is one that I have found pretty much everywhere (and credit to whoever made it), but the writing and opinions are my own. You can request here.

Requested: @flowerblu00

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Fem!Reader

A/N: I freaking love this man, he has me all kinds of fucked up. I know there are a lot of these out there, but do remember this is usually based on what the writer thinks. Everyone has their own thoughts on what they thing about the person they are writing about. 💜

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Yoongi is extremely sweet after sex, he likes to make sure that you are okay and will grab waters for the both of you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He really likes his hands and loves watching you suck on his fingers our wrap his hand around your throat.

Loves your breasts, loves holding onto them or kissing them.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Yoongi likes to cum inside of you if you’ll let him, but he does like seeing your mouth full of his cum as well.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He would love to tie you up so you are completely defenseless and make you his little toy.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He has some experience, but he definitely knows what he is doing despite that. (Especially when it comes to using his tongue.)

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Yoongi loves watching you ride him, he likes to see the desperation on your face when you are trying to get yourself off especially when you have been a brat and won’t help you with your movements.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? Etc.)

He tends to be very serious during sex, no funny business allowed. (Unless it’s drunk or tipsy sex)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)

He’s trimmed not caring to shave all the way but enough for it to be hygienic.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be romantic when needed, but he can get pretty rough and want to be in complete control.

J = Jack off (masturbation head canon)

Doesn’t care for it, but will if he is horny enough.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He defiantly has a spit kink. Spanking, choking, some light rope play, marking and edging.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

If you are around he likes to fuck you in his studio, but he also likes fucking you in the shower.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

It really turns him on when your tongue sticks out while you are focused on something, but what really turns him on is watching you try to rap or when you show an interest in what he does.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything that embarrasses you or makes you feel unsafe.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

We all know that his tongue technology is the best. He loves eating you out, loves seeing you squirm. But he also loves watching you suck his cock, loves seeing you get saliva everywhere just from his cock.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? Etc.)

Yoongi is a guy that likes it really rough and fast, but he can also be very rough and slow making sure to hit all the right places. When having lazy sex is when it becomes slow and sensual.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Yoongi likes having quickies especially when he’s in the studio or if you only have a limited time together before you or he becomes busy, though he does prefer taking his time with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? Etc.)

He likes when you guys experiment, because you both learn more about what turns you both on.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last for a good amount of time, can only do a couple rounds before he becomes exhausted though he bounces back pretty quick.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Doesn’t care for toys, though he is fine if you have them. Not really his thing though.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Yoongi is a huge tease even when he doesn’t realize that he’s being one, likes to play with his own tongue. (Licking his lips and when his tongue just hangs out of his mouth.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Is usually pretty quiet, lets out grunts and growls. Though when it’s been a while he’ll let out a loud groan.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Yoongi loves when you take an interest in something that he likes or is working on, he really likes when you are both in his studio and you will ask about something to get a better understanding and it really turns him on; this causing him to fuck you anywhere and everywhere in his studio.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Yoongi is super thick average in length, but damn he is very thick that it’s intimidating the first time.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Has a pretty high sex drive, usually ignores (especially when he gets super into his work) it unless you are around then he really can’t help himself.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It’s Yoongi we are talking about, this man is always tired. But he will make sure you both are cleaned up and that you aren’t hurt then he will fall asleep.

#bts smut #bts imagine #min yoongi smut #min yoongi x reader #bts suga x reader #min yoongi alphabet

212 notes · View notes

theupstairskid · 3 years ago

Text

Regarding Secret Crush on You and Jao's storyline:

Disclaimer: I'm a plus-sized American woman so I'm only offering things based on my own perspective, experience, and context from the show. I'm not an expert in Thai culture and I'm just giving my thoughts about a show I enjoy.

So I know a lot of people are a little annoyed/confused/angered/pick your poison by the whole "Jao is being bullied for being fat" storyline, especially because when we look at Jao we don't see someone most people would consider fat. (I'm on mobile so I can't really add images but imagine Jao's smiling little angel face here)

I don't look at Jao and consider him fat, not even close. But based on my experience with Japanese and Korean media (I'm very new to Thai media so I don't know if it's similar in this regard) I can definitely imagine if SCOY were set in Korea or Japan that, based on their beauty standards, Jao would be considered at least chubby if not fat. The storyline he has would definitely be something I could see being in a K-drama. It also looks like Surprise did gain a little weight for the role, if you compare what he looked like before filming and what he looks like now to his appearance in the show. Might also just be movie magic though! Just an observation on my end.

It's also possible that they needed to do this storyline but already committed to casting Surprise and didn't want to force him to gain a lot of weight and hurt his chances at other shows or something. (based on some YT videos I watched, it looks like the cast of SCOY was at least partially done around the end of 2020. Sky was originally going to be played by someone else but it looks like Surprise was going to be Jao since the beginning)

Since it's a tv show that's also a factor, and there are some limitations that can't really be avoided and you just have to use your suspension of disbelief. (Like every time I notice a continuity error 🤣) Sometimes outside factors affect the storyline.

One thing I really love about SCOY is that everyone loves Jao just the way he is (especially Sky) and no one feels like he should change (especially Sky). Are they a little insensitive sometimes? Sure. I think about the breakfast scene before Jao goes for that walk on the beach where the Engineering gang is bestowing compliments on the Comm Arts gang and excludes complimenting Jao. I don't think they were trying to be malicious, they were just thoughtless. And that's very human and very real. I've had smaller people make thoughtless comments around me that made me feel bad but I didn't feel like they were trying to hurt my feelings, more like they may have been so comfortable with me they didn't even think or consider that it could be bad. But it still hurts! Plus Sky from the very beginning never wants Jao to change, loves him as he is, but is very supportive and offers to help Jao make changes IF and ONLY IF that's what Jao wants. Sky is very aware of how Jao's size is a huge insecurity for him, and does his best to assure Jao that he is very into him exactly the way he is. Insecurity manifests in everyone differently and since we learned that Jao used to be bigger in ep 12, it's possible when he looks in the mirror he still sees that bigger person as opposed to the smaller one he is today.

Plus I can say from personal experience, I have someone very much like Sky that loves me at my current size and doesn't think I need to change in any way but is supportive if I want to make a change. And as wonderful as that is, sometimes past experiences and your insecurities make it very hard to believe that person is telling the truth.

So while I wouldn't consider Jao fat in any way, your culture and the world around you may make you feel that you are regardless of your size. (The average size for a woman in America is roughly a size 12 and that is often considered plus size despite not being plus size at all for example. Unrealistic beauty standards are everywhere yo 😔)

Another thing I love is how it's super common for Jao's storyline to be played out with a female, but we almost never see a male in it. It's nice to see that yes guys go through these kinds of insecurities too.

As far as the bullying plotline goes, I feel like it's really important to remember that these are shitty people on the internet. These types of people, especially when they don't actually know you or anything about you, love to go for the low-hanging fruit. They love "you're ugly" or "you're fat" as hate comments because they're easy and most importantly, they work. Also consider that Toh and Jao are the unpopular kids, the nerds, the outcasts, the invisibles, and are sudden thrust into the spotlight simply because they fell in love with and are dating two of the most popular people on campus. Both of them actually try really hard to dissuade and discourage Nuea and Sky from pursuing them because they both know they are not the "main characters" and that they aren't supposed to end up with the handsome and popular boys. (Remember the rules of having a secret crush 😢)

Thankfully neither Nuea or Sky give up and help Toh and Jao see that they're serious about them and they'll shout it from the rooftops if they have to.

So the cyber-bullying comes from 1) a place of jealousy and 2) a place of anger at them for upsetting the status quo. Especially when we learn who's behind the posts (Prao and her gang, because I don't know if I believe that Peach would act alone). Prao and Peach were rejected by Nuea and Sky respectively and neither, especially Prao, can accept it. Especially in the case of Prao who is the hot popular girl, people take her picture wherever she goes, and who believes that of course as the most popular girl she deserves to be with the most popular guy. Being rejected and having Nuea choose nerdy, "ugly" Toh over her is something she literally cannot comprehend or accept. Same with Peach (both of them clearly do not take no for an answer 😬) but I feel like Peach probably needed a push in order to act but definitely was all aboard the "humiliate Toh and Jao until they break up with Nuea and Sky or until Nuea and Sky are so embarrassed they do the breaking up whichever comes first" train. She doesn't see it as wrong, or maybe she does and doesn't care, because she feels like doing this will re-establish the status quo and put everything back the way it should be. With Toh and Jao back to being unknown losers and her and Prao by Sky and Nuea's sides. (Interesting to note is how blatantly they ignore, disrespect, and try to invalidate Nuea and Sky's choices.)

And, as with a lot of things on the internet, it blows up because people love joining the bandwagon. People love having an excuse to be mean to make themselves feel better and they're probably relieved that this is happening to someone else and not them. They're going with the popular opinion because maybe they are upset and jealous that it's someone else and not them but chances are they just wanna be apart of the thing taking over campus. They wanna feel included even if it's at the cost of someone else. It's so totally wrong and bad obviously and Som does such a good job calling these people out, but the thing that sucks is a lot of the time people need one person in power (or popularity) to openly say the things they're thinking and they take it as a sign that it's okay to share their (usually trash) opinion. And as we see during the basketball game in ep 12, the IG account they were checking was called tj.go to.heaven which was a IG making positive posts about them to combat or offset tj.go to.hell which is the negative account. So popular opinion basically seems to sway depending on which account is more popular at the time. (I'd love to know who's behind the tj.go to.heaven account)

Also I know people probably find it a bit weird that students were taking pictures of Nuea and Toh at the basketball game, but just like people were taking pics of Prao when she came to visit the Engineering cafeteria apparently that's like a thing? From what I understand it's pretty common in some Asian countries to take pictures of people that they find pretty or interesting or popular.

Last thing I wanted to point out because I didn't see anyone mention this, but in the scene where Fon and Touch are reassuring Jao that everyone has a belly, the blonde girl that stops and makes a comment about Jao being fat/obese is the same girl that Jao shoo'd away when he and Sky were jogging. Now it could be that they just needed an actor and didn't think much of it, but I personally love the idea that she's salty and being mean because her attempt to flirt with Sky was shut down by Jao. I'm not saying I love that people are being mean to sweet angel Jao but I love the thought that they brought her back intentionally as almost like a callback to show how people and moments really exist in this world. Sometimes SCOY feels like it moves a little fast at times so I liked how that moment felt real. Like yeah this girl is being mean to Jao because he stood up to her and shut down her shot with Sky and she's bitter about it. I'm not condoning bullying in real life obviously, but I like the subtle world building.

Anyway this is just my thoughts on the past few episodes and how I think there maybe a few things that may play a part in why they're going with a "fat" storyline with Jao when he's clearly not fat.

Ultimately as long as you're enjoying the show I think that's really what matters. It's clearly got a lot of positive messages about love and acceptance wrapped up in absolutely unhinged horniness, camp, cringe, and fabulousness, and I for one didn't think I'd be as in love with this show as I am when I started.

#secret crush on you #secret crush on you the series #SCOY #kaojao #i just have a lot of feelings about this silly little show #and a lot of feelings about the characters #i love them your honor #people are gonna have different feelings and opinions on this #and that's okay

24 notes · View notes