#dark thoughts while reading...
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Random thought as I'm doing research on access to clean drinking water and BIPOC communities...
Sometimes I'll (darkly) joke that everyone is just going to get cancer nowadays because it just seems like everyone is getting cancer nowadays... And now I'm getting this thought that... it's probably not a coincidence that the SDWA and EPA have not adopted any new standards for unregulated contaminants in our drinking water since
19 f***ing 96
#Disclaimer: this is just a thought based on my own limited experiences and very limited research done on my own part#I live in the US and only speak to my own experiences and thoughts#access to water#clean drinking water#mine#dark thoughts while reading...
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oh thank god
#art from a while back#i played hk first and deepnest was like. the most uncomfortable ive ever been playing the game#mainly because its just so DARK#as for rw... when i got to shaded...... what the actual Hell#i eventually got used to just dying in the dark and exploring the first parts of the region but like. Why is it pitch black#i didnt even realize there was a path to the scav merchant at the first room..... i got to memory crypts before finding it in my next run#hollow knight#rain world#hk ghost#rw slugcat#rw survivor#artatat#?!?@?@?@?@ the alt text got removed for a sec Sorry about that im not sure why or how that happened#also im completely aware deepnest without a lantern is much darker but atleast it isnt pitch black. You know#i also wanna add on the fact i entered deepnest after the mantis lords and thought. “what kind of winning gift is this!?!?!?”#and felt like cornifer for the first couple of minutes LOL#but i had nowhere to go so womp womp :P#to clarify: i dont hate shaded its actually my top route to go from industrial to shoreline#but i hate deepnest with all my heart❤️ godbless#reading the rbs here is so fun.... so true guys#digital art
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i actually really love how samantha shannon is handling trans/nonbinary characters in her roots of chaos world. they blend seamlessly into her world building, so much so that i don't always notice there's something different. non binary noble? they sure as fuck don't want to be called lord or lady! they are styled 'lade'.
someone uses they/them pronouns? cool! we're not going to waste time going through an explaining that. it's just instant, all our characters refer to the person's preferred pronouns without any second thought.
she really keeps saying, yeah? this story has dragons and witches and wyverns. and it's gonna be queernorm too. don't like it? well fuck off.
#the roots of chaos#a day of fallen night#a day of fallen night spoilers#adofn spoilers#the priory of the orange tree#you can tell she really puts so much thought into how best to represent people#and make her fantasy world a safe space for everyone#while still diving into deeply complicated and dark themes#but while you're reading this story#you can be assured that your characters won't be persecuted for not being cis or het
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I think DC fic writers should steal the fanon "clones get their names by challenging someone with a cool name to a duel" trope and have that be how the Robin mantle is passed on. And then not just the Robin mantle, but Nightwing, Red Hood, all of them -- if you can challenge them and beat them, you have a right to the name.
Maybe you let them keep operating in that role, but that name is yours if you want it.
#this would be a very very dark robins au#but#the trope is so fascinating to me#I read one where Fox (clone wars) stole his name from an alpha#and then that alpha had to go nameless for a while until he won another name#it was so cool#clone wars#dc#dc comics#bruce wayne#batman#late night thoughts#does this make sense#or should i turn off my laptop for the night
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There's something about reading really great writing that's so relaxing. You can just sit back and let the words wash over you, knowing that you can trust the writer.
#random thought of the day#books#part of the reason i'm not getting writing done today was because i spent most of my free time reading from books i've let sit for too long#i haven't been able to sink into good fiction for a while#so elizabeth goudge felt like a spiritual experience#cleansing and uplifting#it always takes me a while to get into her books#there's a learning curve of a couple of chapters to adjust to the style#but once i break through it's bliss#it becomes easy as breathing#there's nothing quite like what she does#i love books that understand that goodness isn't boring or trite#you don't need to have 'darkness' and 'grit' to be complex#like one bit that took my breath away was the talk about sallie and david's marriage struggles#they're both good people who love each other#but they also have their differences because they're human and that causes struggles#not marriage-breaking struggles just nuanced life struggles#and i'm not sure i've seen something like that in a book before#it's a good marriage they married the right people but that doesn't mean life is perfect#goudge uderstands that marriage isn't happily ever after--heaven is#and a good marriage is two people partnering up to help each other reach that goal#it's so much more adult than any 'complex adult' work i've seen
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Can I request Shadowsight for the designs? Or maybe Frecklewish if you'd rather?
I'm curious what either would look like in your style! (Which I adore btw it's SO good)
i know Shadowsight is described as small in the books, but I prefer to interpret him with the Tigerstar(tm) tallness with Dovewing's build, and that he tends to shrink down/lower his voice while talking to appear as meek/non-threatening as possible because his peers get nervous around him
#anonymous#my art#cheez design#shadowpaw#shadowsight#ashfur#shadowclan#starclan#the dark forest#// thanks for the kind words anon!#// i just want more big/imposing medicine cats tbh sdklglkds#// saw a post talking about how much more crushing Shadowsight's alienation would be if-#rather than being small/endearing- he was big and framed like a ''freak'' for his quiet/awkward manner#// that post never left my mind op if you're reading this you cooked so good#// this guy makes me so sad. just the thought of his scale/bulk being irrelevant#while he's shrinking away from a smaller Ashfur who is more psychologically domineering
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s3 episode 20 thoughts
dare i say it, once again… new favorite episode??
okay, my previous favorite episode was an ENTIRELY different direction from this one, but i’d say there should be one best episode for serious stuff and one best episode for the silly!!! and this takes the silly crown!! and tbh i can't make an actual hard and fast rating anyway because there are so many great things to choose from- but this is amongst them, for me, in terms of legendary episodes!
please, join me on this ride, which i enjoyed each second of, and will need to someday rewatch without pausing every 0.5 seconds to jot something i noticed down. the live experience begins beneath the cut.
it’s been 84 years…. (3 days since i’ve seen an episode)
ooo, this sounds interesting! is scully going to work with an author?? are we gonna learn more about the things that she reads?? this is prime content to a person like me
stars…. space ship….. filled with tubes and wires and other such things…… just kidding!!! it’s a guy working on some electrical stuff. whilst two people drive by!! i thought they were mulder and scully at first but they are not
“um, i don’t want to scare you, but i think i’m madly in love with you” says this guy who is not mulder but actually named harold to this girl who is not scully but is actually named chrissy. OH! and this is the first date. so that was a weird thing to say. i thought it was quite sweet at first but that changes things for sure.
GASP! UFO be upon them. creatures are coming out to get them. she asks what they are and he says “how the hell should i know?” ooo ooo i know! they are aliens 👽 and then the two fall on top of each other like they are knocked out… and the aliens drag them away????
until a king kong looking fellow rolls up. very puppet-y. and the aliens don’t know what this creature is either!!! and also ask what that thing is and the response is “how the hell should i know?” haha i see what you did there... out aliening the alien
bum bum bum bum…. (<- my attempt at recreating the noise of the intro)
now, what was that? i'm stuck on the king kong and godzilla love child puppet….
scan up on mulder’s iconic poster!!! and a guy is here who is yet again not mulder. his name is mr. chung and mulder will NOT talk to him… oooh, what is their beef…?
mr. chung is saying he always felt alienated on this planet, who can even imagine actual aliens! and he has a point there.
oh! scully is a big fan of this fellow, which is why she agreed to talk to this guy!!! he calls her beautiful, which is true, but time and place
so he isn’t even interested in aliens, but his publisher said he should write a book on the matter. he is going to create a NEW genre: non fiction science fiction, a gimmick that will give him money. this seems somewhat disappointing to scully, who must be a believer in artistic integrity, but i find his honesty refreshing.
she wants him to tell the truth, but apparently he spent 3 months in kass county where all this stuff went down, and NO ONE could tell him what actually happened. the truth is just as subjective as reality. which sounds like something i learned in history class. and, it helps explain why everyone with an alien story starts with some variation of, "i know this sounds crazy, but"...
so he wants HER version of hearing of the case. also he touches her arm and... let's slow down a little there, mr. chung.
OHHH we are seeing a story told in flashbacks!!!! narrated by scully!! how wonderful!!!
this girl is suffering from “missing time”, a phenomenon we have come to know well here on this blog. also her clothes are inside out and she has signs of abuse. not looking great for her.
apparently mulder prefers the term “abductee” to “experiencer”, which mr. chung has valid disagreements with. we go on, however.
this poor girl is seeing aliens that are not there and her nose is bleeding. WAIT! it’s the guy from before! harold and chrissy! he comes to her window to say he did everything he could but she rejects him, thinking he had drugged and assaulted her. yikes.
harold is testifying that he was abducted by aliens, but no one believes him. he stuck to his story UNTIL our agents arrived!
(MULDER SAYS SOMETHING VERY OUT OF POCKET HERE ABOUT GOING TO PRISON BUT LET'S KEEP MOVING)
despite this announcement of presumed prison time, mulder brings chrissy in for questioning. asking her if she has all the symptoms of “post abduction disorder”, which she confirms, while scully rolls her eyes with great force in the background. and he talks the girl’s parents into letting her do hypnosis.
“what is your opinion of hypnosis?”, mr. chung asks scully, which is something i also have been dying to know! i mean, we saw her do a little bit before, but it didn’t seem to be a positive experience. she says it has therapeutic value, but has never been proven to enhance memory; it even makes memory worse. a very balanced and doctor-ly answer!
LMAO scully is so cute… mr. chung mentions another book he wrote and she proclaims it “one of the greatest thrillers ever written” <- STOP I LOVE HER SHE IS SUCH A NERRRRD 😭😭
mr. chung said the FBI knew nothing about how hypnosis worked back during the MK ULTRA days… and he is fascinated by the idea of a person’s consciousness being transformed by listening to words. admittedly very fascinating! you could probably say the same about meditation, no?
(but he speaks to the power of storytelling, i realize now in hindsight! how we find ourselves wrapped up in the tales of things that never happened, how it fills us with sorrow or joy! how fascinating! i see what you did there, writers!)
cutscene to hypnotizing chrissy. who is seeing aliens. she is on a space ship wearing a fit that looks very similar to a lady gaga chromatica era performance, but it has tubes attached to her. harold is in a very similar contraption!!!!
she says the aliens are arguing without moving their mouths and she hears the lead alien in her head saying it’s for the good of her planet. and he is stealing her memories? um. for what purpose...
scully is serving looks in the corner while this goes down, looking mad as hell and very good. she says chrissy's abduction story seems a little TOO typical… and i have to agree! but mulder says no, there are TWO people with the same story! they can't both be lying, surely!
LMAOOOO they play with censoring the dude who comes in and yells at them… “well, of course he didn’t actually say ‘bleeped’”
(BAHAHA i’m loving this insight into how scully’s memories operate. so this angry man is named detective manners)
“you still gonna hold the boy?” “oh, you bet your blankety-blank bleep i am” <- i am a simple woman, and an actor delivering these lines with a straight face whilst surrounded by other actors keeping a very straight face is going to make me cackle. look at her looking so bored while he says that. i’m howling!!!!
anyway, harold has a very different story on what went down that night, that did not seem to involve gaga-inspired fits, but instead they were both placed in electrified cages. while another alien in a nearby cage smokes a cigarette. he seems to be what i would call “an unbothered king”
in this story, harold claims that he will protect chrissy and never let anything happen to her, and of course something immediately happens to her while he hides in the corner like a baby. lmao.
and this alien is talking in english! not telepathically! he keeps repeating “this is not happening” until harold ALSO gets taken by the thing that took chrissy.
mulder is trying to figure out what is going on, but his predictions aren’t lining up with what happened to harold. scully is pacing and looking pissed, and again, very pretty.
“you know when you’re a kid, and you tore the legs off a bug for no reason?”, asks harold (cutscene to mulder’s face with visible confusion) LMAOOOOOOO
scully getting to business: did you engage in consensual sexual intercourse that night? she is not messing around! she's had it up to here with the shenanigans of harold and chrissy!
harold is very very quiet until he says that her father will kill him if he finds out!!! gasp!!! confirmation!!!
so is this whole story just… a cover up??? for fornication???
scully vs mulder time. “so what if they’re having sex?” he asks, which is funny coming from him; and anyway, he claims it happened BEFORE the alien stuff went down. but she thinks they’re traumatized, and that is more likely than alien abduction.
until detective manners bursts in and claims he has an eyewitness to what went down! he used more blanks and bleeps and again the straight faces killllll me
and ALL OF THEM telling their stories start with “i know how crazy this all sounds” just as mr. chung had described LMAOOO. now who tf is this dude who says he was an eyewitness?
(i’m taking soooo many notes because i keep laughing and noting things. which is a good problem to have!)
this dude, named roky, spent 48 hours straight writing down what he saw, and said that by looking at this, they are putting their lives in danger. so okay. better be juicy.
he says his garage door opened up, a car pulled in, and a man told him some facts about venus. he says they put him in a trance! and that they were in all black……
mr. chung says that myths of men in black garments are nothing new!!! so take THAT, men in black legends, you are one of many.
back at roky's place, the other dude in black says jimmy carter thought he saw a UFO once, but it was just venus. roky is scandalized, grabs his paper, and states that he is a REPUBLICAN.
(omg jimmy carter is going to be 100 in a few months god willing…..)
this man in black is saying that roky saw VENUS and nothing else, just VENUS. and not to tell anyone he saw anything but VENUS or he will die. and then the car drives away.
so after that build up, he gives mulder the manuscript, and says he is packing up and leaving. bye bye roky. hope you find some peace.
mulder is reading this story to scully who is sprawled on the bed, looking, again, angry and hot. it seems he is describing that earlier puppet-y action.
oh! roky was the electrical guy from the very beginning!!! he hides in his truck but the king kong looking fellow says “be not afraid” and that he is needed for the good of the earth? what is with the good of the earth here.
cutscene to a very baffled looking scully laying in bed as mulder continues to read LMAOOOOOO
AND ROKY’S STORY SAYS HE WENT NOT TO OUTER SPACE, BUT INNER SPACE HELPPP!!!! now, inner space is towards the core, if you, like me, were unaware. also, king kong godzilla dude’s name is Lord Kinbote, so jot that down.
mr. chung says he has a copy of roky’s manifesto- which was sent to his publisher? and LMAOOO the story is disturbing both for its soul orgy scenes and the fact that it is written as a screenplay
well, surely your partner didn’t believe any of it, mr. chung states! “mulder’s had his share of peculiar notions” is scully's carefully worded reply... LMAOOO
cutscene to her sitting up from the bed and calling him nuts <- LMAOOOOO but HE says that whatever roky saw may have triggered some delusions, and that the only story that doesn’t add up is chrissy’s, so he is calling to get her re-hypnotized, much to scully’s indignation!
so back to the hypnosis. and chrissy is now mirroring harold's story exactly. oh! she says the people who took them are from the air force?? so where did the gaga slay outfits go...
the air force men are arguing in front of her. and then they say to “rinse her out”. saying it is for the good of her country. and stealing her memories!
so WHO is doing the real memory stealing here….. the aliens or the government?? an age old question!!! one that is at the heart of this series.
scully and mulder fight over what is going on, and he thinks that this might have nothing to do with aliens, until detective manners shows up with news that a crazy blankety blank claims to have an ALIEN BODY!!
(what if it’s a raccoon with mange…)
again, the man recounting this story begins with “i know how crazy this is going to sound”, but then says he wants to be abducted by aliens. well! i’m sure that’s a sexual thing i don’t care to unpack.
cutscene to mr. chung interviewing this same man, who wishes to go where finding a job is not a requirement. he was looking in a field for UFOs. and when he called the authorities upon spotting one, the agents show up!!
he says that scully was a man dressed as a woman but not pulling it off??? RUDE AS HELL! jail for 10,000 years. "HER HAIR WAS A LITTLE TOO RED, YOU KNOW?" LMAOOOOO and mulder was the “tall, lanky one” with a blank expression. well yeah that is an accurate depiction.
AND ACCORDING TO THIS GUY'S ACCOUNT, WHEN MULDER SEES THE BODY, HE SHRIEKS LIKE A STARTLED SQUIRREL I’M CRYINGGGG. so scully says to wrap this body up!
BUT THEN SHE GRABS HIM AND SAYS TO NEVER TELL ANYONE HE SAW THIS I’M CRYINGGGG... that had to be such a silly scene to film
okay, seeing the part about subjective truths now. this is so funny... why is this loser making scully a hater in his version!!!
she’s PISSED to hear he claims she said this LMAOOO and that is ridiculous!! they even let him view the autopsy!!
so mulder takes this weirdo’s camera and records the autopsy?? scully cuts his brain open. and the tape ends up on late night television LMAOOOO
SCULLY IS SO EMBARRASSED THAT SHE IS ON THIS ALIEN HOAX AUTOPSY TAPE... I’M CRYING SOMEONE SAVE HER!!! and the host of whatever show they end upon is STUPENDOUS YAPPI FROM THE CLYDE BRUCKMAN EPISODE!!!! i'm howlingggg
she’s mad that whoever got the film edited out all the important scientific findings!!! like the two layers of skin!!!
wait. it’s a zipper. this is a dead guy in an alien suit. LMAOOOOOOOOO
the weird UFO cameraman kid is ill after realizing it was an ordinary dead guy, and scully looks deeply pained as he runs away to get sick LMAOOO
so: who is this dead guy? he was in the air force! and his name is robert. but who arrives but more people from the air force!! are they here to bury him?? or question the agents…
the folks from the air force want robert back, so she has to break the news that he is dead, and being kept for investigation into kidnapping. can they see him? scully is like yeah sure but mulder says no!!! but you CAN talk to the other AWOL guy we brought in. GASP!! a bluff!!! and it works!! from this they learn there is another missing guy!
LMAOOOO except it doesn’t go as smoothly as intended, and mulder is all “hmm he was here a few minutes ago… guess he’s still AWOL… anyway wanna see the body?” I’M CRYING THIS MANNNN IS SO RIDICULOUS
but bad news: the body is gone.
cameraman UFO guy is sitting on his floor watching the autopsy tape. when in bursts… the men in black from the earlier garage scene!!!! they knock him out.
he claims mulder slapped him back to reality. and that he ALSO threatened him... me when i lie.
so mulder doesn’t have the tape. but when he drives home a fully naked man is walking about in the woods. it’s the other missing lieutenant, jack!! he is repeating “this is not happening” in the same voice as the alien as before!!!!! HUH WHAT IS GOING ON?
mulder takes jack to eat. he claims to have piloted the "UFO", and that all the abductions are military stuff, and at the base the abductees are messed with mentally, until they come out convinced they were probed by aliens.
well okay, if its all the government, than what abducted YOU, jack? he isn’t sure about anything at all anymore, even if he exists. until who walks in... but the military!!
wait, mulder points out, it can’t all be fake- who was the third alien? jack seems to know him by name- lord kinbote. HUH?
and mr. chung heard a story about that same night from the cook at the restaurant! apparently mulder ordered sweet potato pie? huh, that’s interesting. and he kept ordering more and more pies with each question he asked the chef. LMAOOOO I just KNOW that scene was hard to film!!!! scenes where people eat always make me wonder how many times they had to have that damn bite of pie.
but he claims there was no jack, nor any air force personnel at all. just a hungry mulder. again, so what is the truth...
mr. chung points out that scully doesn’t seem too phased to learn about all the contradictions in this story, and she says well no, not after what happened next. because when he got back to the motel, the men in black were in her room, going through her stuff! they claim she went to get some ice. he’s got 'em at gunpoint, screaming WHERE IS SHE!!! all protective, okay i see you. but she really did go to get some ice???
okay… man in black says that some alien encounters are engineered by the government and then exposed to discredit truth seekers. and mulder counters, well, people say the men in black also do purposefully strange things, so that anyone describing them sounds crazy! they proceed to… try and hypnotize him?
BUT IT’S ALEX TREBEK WHO IS DOING THE HYPNOTIZING???? LMAOOOOO HAS HE BEEN THE QUIET MAN IN BLACK THIS WHOLE TIME??
mr. chung is GAGGED, and wants to know if it WAS alex trebek, but sadly scully cannot confirm, for has no memory of this!!
she woke up the next morning to mulder in her room….? and mr. chung is also gagged to hear this. me too tbh like did he just sleep on the couch? well we know that is how he sleeps at home so i guess i'm not shocked.
mulder’s trying to explain that she didn’t just "let him in" last night, but detective manners calls and says they found a bleeping UFO.
and what is it but…. a plane!! a secret plane!! and who are they carrying away on stretcher but the missing airmen, jack and robert???? SO HOW DID THEY DIE!
mr. chung puts his pen down, baffled, and scully points out that this story may not have a lot of closure, but it’s more than some of their other cases, which is funny because it is true. and she’s playing with her earrings and it’s so cute.
cutscene to mr. chung typing at his place. until a shadow approaches and he holds a tiny gun!!!! he is ready for a showdown but it’s… mulder at the door?
WAIT how does chung recognize him… did scully show him pictures i'm crying
mulder is in chung's apartment, asking him to not write the book, because it will do a disservice to a field that has always struggled to maintain credibility. we can’t understand these alternate realities yet!!! well. compelling argument... but mr. chung needs a paycheck.
OH! and mulder suspects that the book is a “covert agenda” of the military industrial complex. always theories upon theories with this guy...
mr. chung says the book WILL be written, but he needs an explanation from mulder: what really happened to those kids on that night?
his answer: how the hell should i know?
(it was so perfect, i thought the episode would end right here)
mr. chung says he has deadlines, and mulder looks very sad, very previously neglected shelter dog rizz, and walks out. back to mr. chung’s furious typing.
okay, so the cameraman now works for the electrical company roky worked for. because roky moved to california, preaching on purification and the inner earth and core enlightenment. right right right makes sense.
cutscene to scully reading the finished book by mr. chung!!! she is fictionalized as “diane” who is “noble of spirit and pure of heart” but “nevertheless a federal employee” LMAOOOO
and mulder is “renard muldrake” LMAOOOOO that is such a funny name... he's watching something in bed shirtless as his fictionalized self is being described- “a ticking time bomb of insanity” AND HE’S WATCHING THE BIGFOOT TAPES BAHAHAHAHA
chrissy now is an environmental advocate and harold still loves her but it isn’t required. aww harold :(
mr. chung ends by saying that we are not alone in this universe, but in our own way, we are all alone.
NEW BEST EPISODE CONTENDER???
this feels like one of those posts where people make up a bunch of information and then it all gets proven wrong so it is described as a "net zero information gain" bahaha
but don't get me wrong, i don't fully understand what happened, but i loved it. i was laughing, i was enjoying seeing the subjectivity of one story to the next, i was enjoying scully and chung time, and despite all the silly, we still got clues on the whole "is it aliens or the government" thing. and sure, maybe it doesn't make immediate sense, but you have to ponder these matters to learn what is at their heart!
so what DID we learn? well, some alien cases might be the government! but i guess that is still a "might", so maybe we can't truthfully say we LEARNED it. we learned that scully is a big fan of mr. chung!!! we learned that mulder is fiercely protective of his line of work from all his years of being ridiculed! and that he watches the famous bigfoot tape for fun and also maybe like sweet potato pie? it was unconfirmed.
i really enjoyed the playing with perspective, seeing how one character saw things, and then another. and seeing mulder and scully threaten that dweeb was so funny because it was so out of character and had to be silly to shoot.
and i thought it was impressive how it managed to tie back to the big alien and government mystery while still making me laugh so hard. how many past episodes can be analyzed through the lens of certain things being faked for exposure? and what REALLY happened to those airmen? we still don't know if mulder's convo with jack even happened! and we never will!
i came to appreciate the company of mr. chung immensely, even though i thought he was gonna be creepy after calling scully beautiful and touching her arm, but i suppose that he was just a genuinely sweet fellow. you can't blame me for being suspicious after some of the things she gets put through, but i'm sure that if i picked one of his books off the shelf, i, like scully, would be a fan.
overall, i am deeply pleased, and would love to give this a rewatch sometime when i am not taking notes so i could appreciate the pacing in more detail. man, season 3 has really been killing it, huh? and i'm nearing the end!!
#still not over scully sulking in the corner during the hypnosis session#or looking confused as hell while mulder read roky's story#LMAOOO it was so funny how she was just laying there while mulder read from it#love that she thought it was weird mulder was in her room but not really THAT weird all things considered#also love how she was excited to talk about two layers of skin on a new creature only for it to be a dude in a costume#a raise to whoever came up with this one. send the finest libations to the writer's room#now we just have to see if the next one will be dark as hell and give me whiplash#like the transition from humbug to calusari which i will NEVER get over#!!! i'm happy :)#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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say hi to me i don't know, i just remembered being so much brighter, i guess
cigarette ash like wildfire burning holes in the nighttime open scars feel like barbed wire white lies flying high like a ceasefire dropping flags on the shoreline this is as far as i can feel right 'cause what you don't know can haunt you
and all we ever wanted was sunlight and honesty highlights to want to repeat let's get away from here and live like the movies do i won't mind when it's over at least i didn't think for a while
don't drag it out living like that doesn't mean a thing
so let's, make a great escape and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark and all we'll ever need is another day we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away and live like shooting stars 'cause happy endings hardest to fake
and i wanna let you know i wanna let you go but i just can't bring myself to speak but this is how it goes the end credits, they roll this bridge was built over kerosene but we can watch it and all i ever wanted was sunlight and honesty highlights to want to repeat let's get away from here and live like the movies do i won't mind when it's over at least i didn't think
so let's run, make a great escape and i'll be waiting outside for the getaway it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark and all we'll ever need is another day we can slow down 'cause tomorrow is a mile away and live like shooting stars you can wish away forever but you'll never find a thing like today
#miraculous ladybug#felix fathom#marinette dupain cheng#felix graham de vanily#🌃#ml amv#felinette felinette felinette FELINETTE#i'm shrimping so hard i'm gromping i'm making absolute tempura#yes the 2 am coco pops félix post was made while i was finishing this yes i am constantly experiencing inconsolable félix feelings#félings even. GOD GOD GOD okay listen#i could do a line by line analysis of this song and how i made the amv i have too many thoughts to put in the tags i am exploding#but in summary REPRESENTATION. REPRESENTATION. EMOTION. REPRESENTATION. EMOTION. REPLIQUE. FUCK ME#félix's trauma an open scar leading her to the art room as far as both of them will go to feel right#ALL HE EVER WANTED WAS TO KEEP ADRIEN AND THEN MARINETTE SAFE#it doesn't matter who we are we'll keep running through the dark huAHUAHHGAG I MTHRWOING UP it's how he doesn't care what she thinks of him#how she sees him whether she hates him he's Chosen her as someone to protect and he will DO IT he will TAKE HER WHEN HE RUNS#i don't care if you beat me i know i have this under control and i'm protecting you and everything is going to be okay EXPLOIDNGNIG#tomorrow is a mile away tomorrow where i find out who you are tomorrow where we have to come apart#this is how it GOES you're the hero i'm the villain adrien is the lover i'm the monster i'm the cousin#marinette and félix and Knowing each other is so#THEY DESERVE SO MANY OTHER DAYS THEY DESERVE TO SLOW DOWN AND BE WITH EACH OTHER AND NOT HAVE TOMORROW PULL EVERYTHING AWAY AND UAHAUHGAUGH#i'm not well about them. félix and freedom and escape#ALSO i have so many feelings about félix cherishing the people he wants to save so much he was willing to do the same thing that led to#his own trauma and use the peacock miraculous TWICE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME ARE YOU KIDDING ME#you can read it differently but right now come with me ARE YOU KIDDING ME#also ALSO i often think about how felinette standing in front of réplique is a reference to pv felinette#and me placing that directly before the wish is a nod to how the pv was rewritten into canon miraculous. a meta wish... felinette remains#but also in universe you can wish away the world that once was and you'll still never find another thing quite like félix#and who you were and could have been to each other today... cherish him marinette... please cherish him for me#i hit tag limit on this essay so i'm not tagging the episodes i used in the amv but i used all eight félix episodes as always
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The Wheel doesn't want anything. It can't. Any more than a river or the rain can want something. It's people who want.
#wot on prime#siuan sanche#moiraine damodred#wheel of time#siuaraine#the wheel of time#mygifs#mine: wot#in this life or the next#from the cutting room floor while making another gifset#I just really like this thread#so many read Moiraine as mysterious and complicated#other characters project A Lot on her#and make up byzantine self-serving goals when she's like no I want to oppose the Dark One and peace in the world#for Siuan especially#I do not think she pictures peace for herself in this life#Siuan probably believes the same#peace will only come with death#but yeah I've tag-raved before about how Moiraine would love to be as unconscious as the Wheel#without thoughts and will#only moving relentless and unstoppable#but she's only human and riddled with doubt#as hard as she tries to make herself - as sure as the narrative and the characters are of her status as an allegory for fate#she's just flesh and bones and a purpose#she wants to live a quiet life with Siuan but this isn't her purpose in this life
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DON'T GIVE ME IDEASSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and when hiraeth releases their final mini album before a year long hiatus or more so poppy can focus in her health + kaia can do her own things + yvan can do musicals and do whatever projects they want because in the dulceverse yvan will be glinda for wicked instead of ari bc i can do whatever i want this is my silly universe and i can do whatever but two months in and vivi's rent is due and the lights are flickering and the eviction notice is at the front door and none of the girls are answering her calls despite them being together at poppy's vacay home in lake como so she had ONE chance and ONE dream she had NO OTHER CHOICE so she got out a dusty and retired angel of the season project and got these three talented girls from diff companies that she's been eyeing to be hiraeths little sister unit and it's all fun and games until the new girlies don't do good because there will never be another hiraeth / another kaia poppy and yvan and they have a lot to carry on their shoulders even during predebut and there's a lot of self doubts and hesitance and insecurity and tension between vivi and even themselves and it becomes a really big problem where they don't stand each other or just refuse to understand each other and it will be a story of them slowly becoming and understanding that they are their own person, either alone or together as they try to carry on a legacy even when they are not hiraeth they are THEMSELVES!
LORE SPEAKING they were born / created by "mother" the exact day each seasonal angels broke their own loop by eating their forbidden fruit = giving into temptation and they are little angels who were born to parallel hiraeth as hiraeth weren't "pure" anymore but ffs the little sisters wanted to be like them wtf....... and then they were left behind in celestias castle or palace i don't remember what it was and they hold some kind of grudge because why did they leave and not us?! why did they not took us with them?! but eventually hiraeths doctrine cult like messages gets to them and they are not ready to break their loop but instead they start shaking things up in celestia's castle palace whatever and being a pain in the ass for "mother" because they are sharing to other angels that they could be and do more outside mothers doctrine and this even makes the little sisters realize that they are their own person/angel and they are not the seasonal aengels as much as mother wanted them to be and maybe they start their own "cult" and its not like "mother" can force them to leave celestia because they are perfect w no sins!
#tw DULCE YAPPING ABOUT NOTHING#just a thought i actually have to sit down and consider hiraeths lore and their theories to connect them#and make something better that was kinda basic ngl#oo it would be fun if hiraeth is the light side of their world while the sis are the dark side#despite being pure unlike hiraeth#bc yeah hiraeth fell into temptation and sinned and are no longer pure by leaving celestia and breaking out of their loop#but their intentions are 'pure' (quotes bc not quiet) and maybe the sissss are pure but their intentions are not 'the best'#hiraeth: created their worlds moon LIL SIS: steals breaks destroys the moon#or maybe they create the sun maybe their world has no sun its just a big ass star shining wait#and like in terms of their color theory with hiraeths color wheel being pastel while theirs could be darker#i've connected the dots (u didn't connect shit!) i've connected them#this reminds me i need to share their lore and their theories with yall...................#irl speaking it would be funny if they didn't like each other at the beginning unlike hiraeth who are each others family lmaoooo#sits down.#i have to think. my gears are gearing.#it wont happen NOW but it prob will eventually.... im focused on my sillies only but it would be really fun to think abt it#like im thinking about their lore and im thinking how they would fix some little loop holes but mmmmmmmmm#gotta think!!!!!!!!#if anyone read all that ur braver than the marines
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Do you remember when I almost walked in front of a speeding car and you pulled me back so hard I laughed? later that night you called yourself my guardian angel, which was funny because for you I'd kneel and join my hands to The Something I've never really believed in. But I didn't tell you that, instead I told you about how I never really believed in Santa or prince charming because Santa had my dad's handwriting and my mom taught me that to love is an afterthought, only fulfilled in heaven.
so you don't believe in heaven?
No, but would you come for me when it's 3 in the morning and I'm pouring out all of the ink I have on paper, hoping it covers the blood that runs 'neath? Let me slice my hand on your halo, when I need to feel human again? Would you engulf me in your wings and let me tell you about how sometimes when I cross a road I reach for a hand that isn't there?
I'll find you in heaven just to prove you wrong.
But wouldn't you rather be stretching your arms above to the eternity I can prove, I will prove, for I am twistedly determined to prove you wrong, right next to me?
but how would you know it's me next to you?
I'd know, I'd know you, I'd always know you, your branches would be the one's above mine when the rays get too harsh.
#did something haha#dark academia#literature#spilled thoughts#writing#poem#poetry#reading#books#bookish#chaotic academia#romanticising#romantique#romantic academia#romanticism#tree analogy?#angel dust#angelic#guardian angel#santa claus#prince charming#heavenly#while the heavens sob for us
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listening to gentle 1930’s jazz songs was a mistake. i tried using it to unwind but instructions were unclear and i am now Yearning (aromantically)
#i just wanna sit and read with someone with some nice music playing in the background#with a lamp or two illuminating an otherwise dark room#and maybe we’re both sitting in separate comfy armchairs#i wanna hang out with someone like my grandparents hang out with each other#cooking and reading and gardening and feeding the birds and listening to fred astaire while just generally enjoying each other’s presence#aroace#aro#aromantic#aromantic yearning#mlm yearning#mlm thoughts#t4t mlm#mlnb
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the fool 🤝 jin guangyao being easily the most dynamic and compelling characters in their respective canons, likely for reasons that were substantially if not entirely unintentional on the part of their respective authors
#this thought brought to u by a conversation i had earlier today with confusion-and-more about all the different reasons jgy compels us#and remembering exactly how i felt when i first developed beloved brainrot back in the late 90s/early 00s#did robin hobb intend to write such an iconic queer deuteragonist when she first wrote assassin's apprentice?#just based on the panels i've attended while listening to her talk (and she is a very thoughtful and engaging speaker)#i truthfully don't think so since iirc she didn't intend for the fool to become as integral to the six duchies novels as he became#now try to imagine the six duchies books without him as the fulcrum that balances the weight of the whole narrative#now try to imagine mdzs without jin guangyao and his capacity for tremendous visionary change and also his darkness#also quick note don't read this post and think i'm trying to assert that they're similar characters because i am not#beyond the fact that i do not think that what makes them both so compelling to me#is what either author had in mind (at least consciously) while writing them#that said i'm so glad that they did. bless u robin bless u mxtx#thank you for the gift of the fool and jin guangyao#i don't think i'll ever get over the terminal case of brainrot i have about both of them and i'm fine with that#the fool#jin guangyao#he did crimes??? good for him 😌
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I'm so surprised to see so many ppl talking about the end of Young Mungo being depressing or dark........ like the middle is horrific! Many things in this book are horrific. but the end is a beautiful beacon of hope?
#I'm reminded that a friend of mine wasn't allowed to read Jacqueline Wilson as a kid bc their mother thought it was too dark#And that I and another friend of mine adored Jacqueline Wilson because she was the only author who wrote about kids like US#Not that my life has been very like the lives in Young Mungo#Well. No yeah it has. Been similar. To some of them.#He rejects toxic masculinity and the cycle of violence!#His family who can't accept him nevertheless protect him one last time while he leaves to a world with breathable air!#SPOILERS he even murders both his rapists#He does the minimum violence he needs to survive and escape and then he escapes and survives and runs away with his boyfriend???#I don't see how that's depressing....#Me Fein#Queer tag#Books#Young mungo
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(vent in the tags and under the cut. don’t read if you don’t want.)
sometimes i wonder if people would care if i was gone. there’s just no point anymore tbh.
#tw sui ideation#its honestly just been going through my head for a while#the past two weeks my parents haven’t talked about anything besides my brother#i kinda just feel like i’ve been forgotten in a way#i just feel lonely i guess#and i hate it#it’s just one of those days where i feel lethargic and just numb frankly#and i’m tying to keep posting because it’s not fair that others who don’t give a shit have to read my vents#but i just can’t do this anymore#i’m going through a lot rn#between yesterday and my dog being sick and school starting and my grandma getting surgery and having to move in with my family#it’s all just a lot rn#and sometimes i just think about it and i just hate it#i hate having dark thoughts like this#i’ve been my only therapist because i can’t talk to my parents#i can’t talk to them about this stuff or they’ll just give me the “you can be sad but you can’t pack up and live there” bullshit#I DIDNT FUCKING ASK FOR THIS#that pisses me off so bad#i didn’t fucking ask to have suicidal thoughts?#sometimes i’ll just choke myself with my dog’s leash as a form of punishment because it just makes me feel good#atp i don’t care if i go too far because it’s not worth it anymore#it just doesn’t feel like life’s worth living#there’s nothing to enjoy or look forward to atp#i just need a friend#i’m so tired of being there for people and then having to turn back to myself when i have an issue because im too cowardly to open up#i’m scared#i don’t have it bad like i don’t know why i feel like this#i have a good life#i’m just being a brat#i dunno
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This idea came to mind today and I had to make it.
#iz rambles#wellness#scams#misinformation#I thought about putting antisemitism in here but it seemed like too serious a thing for a bingo card#I did keep appropriates spiritual practice tho as I thought while dark it covers a lot of ground without reading as belittling the issue
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