#Disability Community Elder

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

That's not a threat. It's a Promise.

Back in 2020, talk show host Trevor Noah interviewed Disability Rights Activist and Community Elder Judith Heumann.

At one point, he referred to himself as able-bodied, and she corrected him, saying that those in the disability community prefer the terms "non-disabled," or "Temporarily Able-Bodied." because the chances of becoming disabled at some point are statistically very high.

He asked: "Are you threatening me?" That got a big laugh from the audience, and she played along with a lot more aplomb than I could have managed, and answered: "Yes, definitely."

And that exchange has lived in my head ever since.

Because here's the thing:

The Universe is Big, and Ancient, and Powerful. You are small, and young, and fragile. Chances are, The Universe will hit you with a Catastrophe. But the chances are even better that you will survive. You will come out the other side a changed person. And you will have lost some part of who you used to be.

But there is one thing The Universe can never take away: Your value as a Complete Human Being.

Holding on to that truth like a subway strap, to keep your balance on this bumpy, twisty, ride, is what Disability Pride is all about.

BTW: here's the full interview segment:

Proper closed captions in English. Eye contact.

[queen-anarchy-666]

Okay so apparently kids these days don't know how to be safe online because their parents are fucking stupid and don't know anything about the internet!!!

So I'm gonna tell you teenagers how to be safe and not get abused because there is no shortage of predators on the internet. I'm gonna go from super basic things you can do to keep yourself safe to more specific instances where a predator may be trying to groom you that you can recognize. Remember though; if you are abused or have been abused it is not your fault. You deserve protection and you deserve respect as a minor, regardless of how you spend your time on the internet. Victim blaming helps nobody but predators, but there are ways you can protect yourself, even though you shouldn't always have to.

Basic tips:

DO NOT SHARE YOUR REAL NAME

DO NOT SHARE YOUR AGE

DO NOT SHARE WHERE YOU LIVE

DO NOT SHARE PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF

DO NOT SHARE PHOTOS OF YOUR HOUSE

IT IS OKAY TO BLOCK WHOEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT, REGARDLESS OF THE REASON.

Don't sacrifice your safety, comfort, or peace of mind just for someone else's feelings! Especially a stranger! Also, if you think something is off, it probably is. You need to trust your gut. SPEAK UP! Tell a trusted friend, sibling, or adult! I'm sure you've heard the phrase "silence is violence" -- this phrase goes for abuse as well! Unsafe people want you to stay quiet so they can continue to harm you or others. It is not inherently problematic to have friends who are adults, in fact it is healthy and helpful to have friends who are older than you, however we live in a world where you cannot trust many adults, so you need to be cautious of adults you encounter at all times, including ones you know well or are well known by others. It is also not inherently problematic to be asked many of the questions above, but it is important to ask yourself whether or not you want to give that information to the person asking. If not, simply tell them that you do not give out that information and redirect the conversation, or block if you feel uncomfortable.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT INSERT YOURSELF INTO ADULT SPACES.

I know it is tempting, especially with the way hormones effect judgement and your emotions, and we all want to be included, but inserting yourself into spaces you know you should not be by lying about your age is incredibly unsafe and leads to horrible situations that aren't always easy to get out of. This includes adult fandom spaces, websites, searching adult topics, NSFW blogs or accounts, and even group chats. Even if your friends invite you to these spaces, it does not mean you should neglect your safety to be accepted. It's okay and encouraged to say no. You will thank yourself when you get older!

More Specific Tips:

YOU SHOULDN'T PUT YOUR MENTAL ILLNESSES OR DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES IN YOUR BIOS ON YOUR ACCOUNTS.

Awareness and solidarity for mental illness and disabilities is very important, however predators are more likely to go after people who may have a more difficult time discerning what is normal and what is not in social situations, especially when speaking to an authority figure like an adult. Do not make yourself a target by listing the ways you struggle with social cues, understanding rules and safety, or communication. It is okay to seek solidarity, but there are predators seeking out disabled and mentally ill youths to abuse.

DO NOT OFFER INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR SCHOOL ON THE INTERNET.

It is dangerous to release information about your whereabouts in any capacity on the internet, especially your school where you are doubly putting your peers and classmates in danger as well. If you come into contact or into the orbit of a predator that is bent on finding you or meeting you, your school is a public place where one may feel brazen enough to pretend they know you. Even if other kids are doing it by posting fight videos or even innocent videos, doesn't mean you should.

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE INSISTS THEY'RE A SAFE PERSON DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE.

People lie on the internet all the time, including in some really bizarre and meaningless ways, but there will always be people who lie to get closer to someone to make them a victim. Just because someone tells you they are against abuse or even if they advocate against it does not mean that they themselves are a safe person. Predators will do anything they can to get you to trust them, and while predators are usually very pushy and want things to go quickly, some will take their time to groom you.

!!!!BIG RED FLAGS!!!!

IF YOU SEE ANY OF THIS BEHAVIOR, RUN! BLOCK AND REPORT PEOPLE WHO DO THESE THINGS FOR YOUR SAFETY! IT'S NEVER WORTH STICKING AROUND THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE!

THEY CONTINUALLY SEND YOU SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL, INCLUDING FANART, FANFIC, AND VIDEOS.

THEY TELL YOU AGE IS JUST A NUMBER, OR LOVE HAS NO AGE.

THEY EXPRESS THE OPINION THAT MINORS CAN CONSENT TO SEXUAL ACTIVITY.

THEY CONSTANTLY MAKE "JOKES" ABOUT MINORS IN A SEXUAL WAY OR ABOUT BEING ATTRACTED TO MINORS.

THEY EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING "LEGAL" AT THE AGE OF 18 OR FIXATE ON AGE OF CONSENT LAWS.

THEY GET ANGRY AT YOU FOR SETTING A BOUNDARY OR IF YOU MENTION TELLING YOUR PARENTS.

THEY ENJOY "LOLI" OR "SHOTA" MATERIAL OR ENTHUSE ABOUT THOSE TYPES OF CHARACTERS.

THEY CALL YOU PET NAMES THAT YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH, EVEN WHEN YOU TELL THEM NOT TO.

THEY ASK YOU HIGHLY PERSONAL QUESTIONS ABOUT SEXUAL ACTIVITY, YOUR PERIODS, OR MASTURBATION.

THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE MATURE FOR YOUR AGE, OR THAT YOU'RE NOT LIKE OTHER KIDS BECAUSE YOU'RE MORE ADULT THAN THEY ARE.

THEY ASK YOU TO SEND PHOTOS OR VIDEOS OF YOURSELF DOING SEXUALLY CHARGED THINGS, WHICH INCLUDES DANCING OR STRIPPING, OR SPECIFIC PARTS OF YOUR BODY.

THEY KEEP STEERING THE CONVERSATION IN A SEXUAL DIRECTION. THIS INCLUDES ROLEPLAY!

NONE OF THIS BEHAVIOR IS NORMAL. IT IS NOT NORMAL FOR AN ADULT TO ASK HIGHLY PERVASIVE QUESTIONS OR TO BECOME PUSHY OR ANGRY IF YOU EXPRESS DISCOMFORT. BLOCK AND REPORT THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE, THEY EXHIBIT BEHAVIOR CONSISTENT WITH SEXUAL ABUSE PATTERNS.

Adults and Minors alike please feel free to reblog. It is imperative that young people who don't know these things learn them, because the only thing a predator hates more than a jail cell is a minor who cannot be abused.

[she-is-ovarit]

Identifying as.

This is Rachel Dolezal, who legally changed her name to Nkechi Amare Diallo. Dolezal is a white woman who identifies as black and insists that she is transracial. Growing up, her religious white parents adopted four black babies, claiming that they "saved them from being aborted", and routinely delivered strict punishments to their kids including Dolezal. Dolezal does not seem to have a good relationship with her parents and, based on interviews, wanted to distance herself from them and distance herself from rural white culture.

"I've never questioned being a girl or woman, for example, but whiteness has always felt foreign to me, for as long as I can remember. I didn't choose to feel this way or be this way, I just am. What other choice is there than to be exactly who we are?"

She apparently "passed as black" for several years before her parents came out and said that she was white and is identifying as a black woman, and she was asked in a TV interview if she was African American and responded with "I don't understand the question". She taught Africana Studies at Eastern Washington University. She crafted a fake story in growing up as black and has argued that she experiences race-based related hate crimes. She darkens her skin and gets perms and started using hair products she observed her adopted black sibling to use. She lied about her father being black and lied that her black adopted brother was her son.

I hope that as details of Dolezal's story are read about, we are able to understand that tanning white skin does not make someone a black person, that blackface is wrong and racist. I hope we recognize that what makes someone black isn't a collection of racial stereotypes, isn't based on feeling a kinship with black people more than with white people, and that being black isn't based on not feeling a connection with white culture. I hope we understand that a black person cannot identify out of racial oppression, and that a white person cannot identify out of white privilege.

Jewel Shuping, age 38 now, was born healthy but dreamed of being blind since age 13. She stated her mother would tell stories about finding her walking down dark hallways at age 3, and mentioned that by age 6 the thought of being blind comforted her. When she was a teenager, Shuping bought a white cane and learned to read braille, becoming fluent in it by age 20.

She claims to have asked a psychologist to pour bleach in her eyes so she could fulfill her lifelong dream of being blind, and that the psychologist "understood her" and agreed to do so after giving her numbing eye drops to help with the pain (which was not ultimately helpful). She deliberately waited to seek medical attention so doctors were unable to save her eyesight. Gradually, over the course of six months, she became blind.

What Shuping has is considered a real mental health condition called Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID), a rare condition in which people who are born without disabilities believe with conviction that the should be disabled. There is another name for this in political activist circles, termed "transableism".

"I went blind on purpose, but I don't feel it was a choice."

Several other people with BIID are pretending to be paralyzed to use wheelchairs, with many not being driven to the point of causing harm to themselves to become disabled but instead living full lives faking being disabled.

I hope that as details of the stories of people pretending to be disabled are read about, we are able to understand that feeling like oneself should be disabled is an incredibly serious mental health condition and does not really mean that a person is "disabled inside". I hope we recognize that identifying as disabled does not make someone disabled, and that feeling a kinship with disabled people or a comfort in the thought of being disabled does not mean a person truly is or should become disabled. I hope we understand how people with mental health disorders claiming to be disabled can place further strain on resources and accommodations provided to disabled people. I hope we understand that inflicting pain, disfigurement, or physical altercations on healthy people to "help them physically match how they feel" is an inhumane way to treat a mental health condition.

Paul Wolscht, who changed his name to Stefonknee Wolscht, was married to a woman for over 20 years and fathered 7 children before deciding to live life identifying as a six year old little girl. Living as a six year old little girl allows Wolscht to escape depression and suicidal thoughts because Wolscht gets to now play - even when in jail in solitary confinement for nine days for an undisclosed reason.

“If I’m six-years-old, I don’t have to think about adult stuff.”

Wolscht still drives and drinks coffee, but does so feeling and identifying as a six year old.

Emile Ratelband, age 69, petitioned the courts to allow him to change his age to 20 years younger because he "does not feel" 69 years old. Ratelband has argued that he did not feel comfortable with his date of birth, that age 69 did not accurately reflect his mental state, and that at age 69 he experiences limits.

“When I’m 69, I am limited. If I’m 49, then I can buy a new house, drive a different car,” he said. “I can take up more work. When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”

Ratelband even asserted that doctors have told him he has the body of a man 20 years younger, and he said that he was willing to renounce his right to a pension. He argues that if people are able to legally change their sex on documents, there is no reason why he should not be able to change his age.

I hope that as we read these stories of people identifying as a different age, we are able to understand that feeling like you are 20 years younger or 40 years younger does not really make you that age. I hope that we understand that even though identifying as a different age might help avoid suicidal thoughts, being discriminated against on dating apps, or denied resources, it does not really change biologically what is. I hope we understand that there are also broader societal and legal consequences to being able to legally change one's age. That an adult might identify as a certain age to trick kids into trusting them so they can sexually abuse them, and/or that allowing an adult to legally consider themselves a different age would make it easier for adult predators to gain legal access to kids in environments in which they would normally be socially and legally discouraged from being in.

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[cookierunconfessionblog]

Spoiler

Others too: Black Raisin is also missing her arm with no replacement. Elder Baumkuchen has an incredibly frail body from childhood so uses a wheelchair and wears a mask due to disfigurement from a light shard incident. PV is blind with aid of staff. Aloe lost a leg n built herself a new one; by extension Cyborg given how they have an entire body replaced after accident which also caused memory loss to boot. Various other npcs also use canes as well for mobility. Possibly some other kind in there. Probably others I'm missing but there's variety in disability

ㅤ

[ehlnofay]

I like to think that disability of all kinds is very accepted and accommodated in much of orcish society, given their cultural emphasis on acceptance of the outcast and the socially excluded. Strength is valued, yes, but not only physically or in combat; strength of all kinds is prized, and not at the expense of the weak. Ostracising those with physical or mental limitations is entirely counter-intuitive (making them more vulnerable and so weakening the group) – by accommodating those limitations and supporting the individuals with them, the group as a whole is strengthened.

[piefanart]

Urgent: help needed asap for medication

A very dear friend of mine who is practically my dad is in urgent need of funds for medication. He's an elder queer, in his 40s, who lives in Texas. I've known him for three years now and he's one of my closest friends.

He has schizophrenia and epilepsy, as well as a couple other conditions. He is on disability and lives in low income housing. For obvious reasons, he's unable to work.

A couple months ago, one of his copayments for his life saving medication increased from around $10 to around $200. He can't afford this. He's been rationing food and medication to try to get by, which isn't working. He's hungry and is in danger of being committed due to his mental health. He can't afford that either. He's already sold everything he can and now lives with the bare bones of necessities. He panhandles when the weather permits it.

I send him money when I can, but I earn way below the poverty level and my partner is also on disability. His parents both died long ago, and he doesn't have any other family.

He only can afford half the amount of medicine he needs each month. Every month, he gets worse and worse. It's horrifying to have to watch him deteriote.

Please, if you have the ability, he could use whatever help he can get. I'm trying to convince him to let me help set up a gofundme, but in the meantime, here's his PayPal link:

Please please if you can help, he's practically my dad. I wish I could do more. If you can't donate, please reblog. This is my last ditch effort to be able to help him.

This is being posted on 11/18/22. He is in need on a monthly basis, the refill is the first of the month and his rent is due the end of the month. He needs food in between those two dates as well. Anything helps.

[archaardvarkarchive]

Meanwhile in Japan: *building robots specifically designed to help plug up the labor shortage in hospitals and elder care that inevitably result from less than a 1:1 reproduction rate

You gotta realize that no matter how high quality advocacy is, we’re going to have to turn to other solutions too if there aren’t enough bodies.

Not everyone is gonna want to go into the medical field either

My advice to childfree people is to push hard for an above-living wage NOW so everyone has more time and energy to be aware of issues, including disability no matter what the age, and elder care.

My advice to childfree people is to cultivate relationships right now with younger people. Including mentor relationships. Go to interest clubs, (book clubs count) go to conventions, go to free public college lectures, go to community events.

Do the grandma thing and bake. Hand stuff out.

Churches used to serve this purpose- bringing meals to elderly, sometimes arranging rides for them, visiting home bound people or those in nursing homes, etc. And with proliferation of delivery services, if churches would be willing to use collective funds (sometimes including stock accounts that pay dividends) to support the elderly in their congregation, this can continue. But with the rising disinterest in churches, society must organize local micro-communities out of something else.

Some younger people may lose parents early or have parents that don’t have very big care needs. Some may end up needing a parental figure themselves if you take care of your health, light exercise and overall diet well enough to be functional in your old age. Be willing to embrace both directional possibilities. You’ll be better able to ask for support if your social circle is diverse.

It feels taboo as a childfree person to admit this but I actually do have concerns about who is going to take care of me when I'm old. The elder care system in our nation relies A LOT on the unpaid care labor of adult children. I just don't think that's a good reason to have kids.

"But you'll have more money!" does not completely put this to rest for me. Neither does "Buy care insurance!" Even if I can afford direct personal care, who is going to advocate for me to get it? Who is going to navigate bureaucracy for me when I'm 80?

"If you do have kids, there's no GUARANTEE that they'll take care of you when your old!" That's true, but doesn't solve my problem.

I think childfree people get very defensive about this question because its used as a kind of "gotcha!" against us, but I actually do not feel we can afford to be in denial about this reality. Based on current trends of more people in their 30s stating they intend to be permanently childfree, we are going to see a huge wave of childfree adults hitting the eldercare system at once in a few decades. Childfree people in their 30s should be advocating around eldercare NOW.

[rs-junk-drawer]

happy pride to bigender people!

M/F bigender people F/X bigender people M/X bigender people X/X bigender people intersex bigender people bigender people who identify as trans bigender people who identify as cis bigender people who identify as neither xenogender bigender people nonbinary bigender people genderqueer bigender people bigender people of color bigender people whose identity is tied to cultural or religious traditions bigender people whose gender is tied to their disability or mental health disabled (of all kinds) bigender people bigender queer elders bigender people who are closeted bigender people who feel excluded from the queer/LGBTQ community we are often forgotten about in queer spaces - finding pride flags, pronoun pins, and the like can be extremely difficult, I can attest - and our complicated relationship with our gender & orientation is often under scrutiny in discourse. the bigender label has a long and storied history, and belongs within these spaces. happy pride month to my fellow bigender folks, we deserve a lovely june!

[slyandthefamilybook]

since we now know that all those "my blog is safe for Jewish people" posts are bullshit, here are some Jewish organizations you can donate to if you actually want to prove you support Jews. put up or shut up

FIGHTING HUNGER

Masbia - Kosher soup kitchens in New York

MAZON - Practices and promotes a multifaceted approach to hunger relief, recognizing the importance of responding to hungry peoples' immediate need for nutrition and sustenance while also working to advance long-term solutions

Tomchei Shabbos - Provides food and other supplies so that poor Jews can celebrate the Sabbath and the Jewish holidays

FINANCIAL AID

Ahavas Yisrael - Providing aid for low-income Jews in Baltimore

Hebrew Free Loan Society - Provides interest-free loans to low-income Jews in New York and more

GLOBAL AID

American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee - Offers aid to Jewish populations in Central and Eastern Europe as well as in the Middle East through a network of social and community assistance programs. In addition, the JDC contributes millions of dollars in disaster relief and development assistance to non-Jewish communities

American Jewish World Service - Fighting poverty and advancing human rights around the world

Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society - Providing aid to immigrants and refugees around the world

Jewish World Watch - Dedicated to fighting genocides around the world

MEDICAL AID

Sharsheret - Support for cancer patients, especially breast cancer

SOCIAL SERVICES

The Aleph Institute - Provides support and supplies for Jews in prison and their families, and helps Jewish convicts reintegrate into society

Bet Tzedek - Free legal services in LA

Bikur Cholim - Providing support including kosher food for Jews who have been hospitalized in the US, Australia, Canada, Brazil, and Israel

Blue Card Fund - Critical aid for holocaust survivors

Chai Lifeline - An org that's very close to my heart. They help families with members with disabilities in Baltimore

Chana - Support network for Jews in Baltimore facing domestic violence, sexual abuse, and elder abuse

Community Alliance for Jewish-Affiliated Cemetaries - Care of abandoned and at-risk Jewish cemetaries

Crown Heights Central Jewish Community Council - Provides services to community residents including assistance to the elderly, housing, employment and job training, youth services, and a food bank

Hands On Tzedakah - Supports essential safety-net programs addressing hunger, poverty, health care and disaster relief, as well as scholarship support to students in need

Hebrew Free Burial Association

Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services - Programs include early childhood and learning, children and adolescent services, mental health outpatient clinics for teenagers, people living with developmental disabilities, adults living with mental illness, domestic violence and preventive services, housing, Jewish community services, counseling, volunteering, and professional and leadership development

Jewish Caring Network - Providing aid for families facing serious illnesses

Jewish Family Service - Food security, housing stability, mental health counseling, aging care, employment support, refugee resettlement, chaplaincy, and disability services

Jewish Relief Agency - Serving low-income families in Philadelphia

Jewish Social Services Agency - Supporting people’s mental health, helping people with disabilities find meaningful jobs, caring for older adults so they can safely age at home, and offering dignity and comfort to hospice patients

Jewish Women's Foundation Metropolitan Chicago - Aiding Jewish women in Chicago

Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty - Crisis intervention and family violence services, housing development funds, food programs, career services, and home services

Misaskim - Jewish death and burial services

Our Place - Mentoring troubled Jewish adolescents and to bring awareness of substance abuse to teens and children

Tiferes Golda - Special education for Jewish girls in Baltimore

Yachad - Support for Jews with disabilities

[zeloinator]

Dating a cis guy who is new to the LGBT+ (in general but also very new to being considered IN the actual space) is so rough because I am having to cosplay a sexuality and gender studies class but I am also taking it and I cant call him babygirl without him feeling weird about it but sometimes he’s so babygirl and I cant express that emotion with calling him cute.

[syncope-syndrome]

This is why I lowkey don't like the word "caretaker", or at least don't like how it's used as a catch-all, because the term implies a level of responsibility and familiarity that so many of these prompts don't... have room for? My point of view might also be skewered because of personal reasons, but, to me, Bob from Accounting hauling the hero over to his cubicle to stem the bleeding is not a caretaker in the way a bodyguard would be. Most of the people who are labeled as caretakers are only caretakers situationally, or are people forced to be caretakers in dire situations, so of course they have lives and other responsibilities outside of that, and of course they're not experts. Caretaking is a job and it's an exhausting one at that, and getting frustrated, tired, busy with other things, or not having the skills to match the job pushed upon you does not automatically make you "bad".

I would really like us to think critically about the implications of our collective idea of the "bad caretaker" trope, especially in regard to recent trends in whumpee tropes.

99.9% of the time, a "bad caretaker" is someone who is either untrained, unprepared, temperamental, impatient, or just disinclined to walk the whumpee through every step of non-whumped life like a golden retriever mama dog with a new puppy. In other words, a "bad caretaker" is someone who makes mistakes or has a life outside caretaking or is otherwise not a bottomless well of sympathy and patience.

Rarely have I seen a truly bad caretaker. Someone who is manipulative. Someone who exploits the whumpee's trauma behaviors rather than holding their hand and gently coddling them. Someone who acts maliciously in a way that puts their needs above the whumpees rather than in accidentally or just occasionally.

I'm not arguing that stuff like pouring antiseptic over an open wound is good caretaking. It's not. And it's little to negative help, so it definitely fits into that category, and I personally live for that shit. My issue is not that "bad" is applied to the untrained or unprepared. My issue is that that's all it's applied to. My issue is that we need to diversify the trope so it doesn't get skewed.

[she-is-ovarit]

Elders, seniors, "old people"... they are going through:

Witnessing their classmates, best friends, significant others, loved ones die at an unsettling pace.

Being isolated.

Experiencing frightening and invasive health issues.

Being reminded repeatedly in their daily lives that they are closer to dying than most people.

Wondering if they'll be abused in nursing homes.

Wondering if some day they'll get cancer or Alzheimers.

Their children and the younger generation treating them with impatience and as if they are stupid despite them living through generations of history.

Being completely disregarded and devalued by broader society.

Psychologically trying to work towards acceptance of age and deteriorating health.

Wondering if they'll end up in a nursing home with no visits from loved ones.

Ending up in a nursing home, often uprooted from where they've lived for years.

Being unable to live independently.

Becoming severely disabled

Being abused in private.

Being completely ignored by those they depend on for care.

Having to navigate wills for the first time and choosing what to give to whom, minding family member needs and dynamics in addition to legalese.

Being taken advantage of and scammed through technology and processes that confuse them.

Experiencing memory lapses and confusion, often alone.

Struggling to communicate.

Being treated and percieved as "outdated".

Having to quit jobs they've loved.

Sometimes coming to the realization that they're not able to take care of their pet.

Experiencing losing their bladders and the embarrassment and shame that comes with it.

Having no mentors anymore.

The least we can do is listen, be patient, and not cast them aside. They have less time than most of us on this earth and they are choosing to spend some of it with us.

[a-polite-melody]

We describe abuse based on the form that the harm caused takes: abuse that causes physical harm is physical abuse, abuse that causes emotional harm is emotional abuse, abuse that causes financial harm is financial abuse, and so on.

We describe abuse based on the status of the individual harmed: abuse that harms children is child abuse, abuse that harms elders is elder abuse, abuse that harms an individual’s intimate partner is intimate partner abuse, and so on.

We describe abuse based on the form of bigotry it enforces: abuse that targets disabled people is ableist abuse, abuse that targets queer people is queerphobic abuse, abuse that targets people for their race is racist abuse, and so on.

We do not describe abuse based on who inflicted it: abuse coming from an alcoholic even when that abuse is linked to or caused by the alcoholism is not alcoholic abuse, abuse coming from a teacher even when the abuse is linked to or caused by the person being a teacher is not teacher abuse, abuse from someone who is autistic even when the abuse is linked to or caused by symptoms relating to autism is not autistic abuse, and so on.

So why, exactly, do people insist that they must use the phrase “narcissistic abuse”? The only reasoning I’ve ever seen given is that there’s something about being abused specifically by a narcissist that is different than any other form of abuse, and yet when I see what those things are, they’re typically combinations of mental/psychological and emotional abuse that target self-esteem in a way that is apparently (according to the people who use the phrase) specifically worse than any other form of abuse. Meanwhile… I’ve just said that the abuse can be described as mental/psychological and emotional, and the only other thing left in the statement is an attitude of “I have to have it the worst and communicate to everyone around me I had it worse than they did.”

[naamahdarling]

You know what? You know what I think?

I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.

The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.

I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.

But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.

We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.

That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.

I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.

Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.

I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.

[isaacsapphire]

Point 1. Adding "encourages a 'never negotiate with terrorists' mindset in some people about ALL disability accomodations" to the list of harms caused by the specialest disabled snowflake with rich lawyer parents eating literally half the school district budget nonsense that's the worst of disability accomodations.

Point 2. Curb cuts cost Very little to include in the original install vs no curb cuts. Flat sidewalks cost barely more than any sidewalk. Putting in crosswalk signals with the talking walk signal for the blind does cost a little more than than crosswalk signals without, but it's a lot cheaper to do it right the first time rather than as a remodel.

Point 3. Again, I do understand where you are getting your 'never negotiate with terrorists' mindset towards accommodations, but it's making you foolish in this context. Walkable cities have mobility impaired folks to consider first and foremost, with some possible accomodations for people who have vision and hearing issues. It's a line that is fairly easy to draw here. Curb cuts are famous for making life easier for everyone, and the rest is about crosswalk signals and maybe some benches.

Point 4. I think you are underestimating the number of people aided by improving accessibility. A curb cut is really nice when your knee is acting up, or have a child in stroller or wagon, or while you are on crutches from a busted leg... And for granny who is still able to get around with a cane but shouldn't drive herself... And for the vet who got his disability in the service. Granny getting more years of independent living aids her, but it's also economically valuable to society to not have to pay for her to be in care for those years. The vet has his whole life ahead of him, both in the human sense and the economic sense, and it would be a waste to shut him out of society for lack of a crosswalk signal he can use.

I've worked at grocery stores that were walking distance from retirement communities, in otherwise not very particularly walkable areas, but the accessable route between the retirement community and the grocery store meant the grocery store made tons of money selling to old people who couldn't drive anymore. Good for everyone involved.

My current city has curb cuts but they're not cleared of snow in the winter, so people in motorized wheelchairs can't get back on the sidewalk and so have to travel in the street... Which is bad for them of course, but also sucks for drivers and traffic flow in the areas affected.

Like, this is not an infinite ask, and it ultimately benefits the local economy, in addition to the benefits for the disabled individuals.

I'm so tired of the whole "hey when you're designing walkable cities make sure to include disabled people so we can access the town too" gets turned into "are you saying walkable cities are ableist??" Which turns into people calling us a bitch for trying to explain that we currently live in a walkable city but can't leave the house alone because the sideways slope of the sidewalks and deep inclines for the streets make every street crossing a broken bone risk.

I live less than a mile from a carless town square, a library, two grocery stores, a post office, a medical clinic, a mental health crisis center, laundry mats, ice cream shops, book shops, bakeries, restaurants, more than I can even remember. It's amazing and exactly what a lot of you dream of. The street crossings are super safe for pedestrians, people can jog, ride bikes, and push strollers just fine. Except I still can't access any of it safely and anyone using a wheelchair or scooter is in danger. But apparently I'm an oil industry shill and a bitch for pointing that out instead of a disabled person who wants to get groceries or check a book out at the local library a few blocks away.