#Desktop tumblr really refused to let me post this one

[doink-boink]

DRAWTOBER DAY 30 - BLOOD

[copperbadge]

Well, Still Salty.

I was cranky yesterday and I thought a good night's sleep would provide some adjustment in perspective, but unfortunately "spending yesterday not on tumblr" also offered perspective and got there first.

Up front: feel free to comment or reblog on this post (replies may be heavily delayed) but if you feel the urge to Like, I'm going to ask you to take one more step and go to https://www.tumblr.com/support, select "feedback" as the category, and enter a line or two about the new dash. It can be as simple as "Your new dash design is difficult to use and is driving people off the site". I'm not asking everyone to do it, but if you're going to Like this post, that would be a helpful action in addition. You can delete any response they send; no reason to expose yourself to the unique combination of incompetence and condescension with which they handle feedback generally.

Also up front: yeah, if I find somewhere else to go and go there, I will certainly let you guys know beforehand, I'm not going to just evaporate. I'll be broadcasting about Tumblr's replacement on Tumblr very heavily. But I can't deny that it is now an active goal of mine to find a viable replacement for this site. (More on this in a moment.) You will always be able to find me on AO3 as copperbadge, or via copperbadge@gmail.com. (More on this in a moment also.)

This kind of thing is why I refuse to fuck with staff now or ever; I don't trust them and I never will. Watching @wip respond to almost every complaint or suggestion with "but that would be really hard" is telling. Whoever is pushing blocks around at Tumblr wants a lucrative site that's easy to code, but lucrative is hostile to community and code is difficult by nature, and when the architecture of the meeting hall is hostile and cheap, people don't stick around.

I've been watching the site as every change made it incrementally worse, from a buggy post window that doesn't allow ease of editing to the new dash (which is the reason I'm writing this in a text window off Tumblr). I genuinely do not think I can use desktop Tumblr like this unless I can install something that will put it back the way it was, and roughly 40% of the content you guys get HAS to come through desktop. It's impossible to do on a phone or so time-consuming it's not worth it. I cannot code Radio Free Monday on a phone; it's a struggle to code it on a single-monitor laptop (I usually write it on my work computer, where I have two monitors). Even writing image IDs on the phone is difficult and something I rarely do. Tumblr is becoming an actively difficult place for me to make content, introducing friction left and right.

But where does one go? I've tried other platforms and they're either worse to use or they don't have the constituency. The problem with a lot of discourse around internet addiction is that it often points out how glued people are to their phones without asking what it is they're doing on those phones. I'm not addicted to social media; I don't doomscroll, I don't care what celebrities have to say, I don't find 140 characters useful or interesting, I don’t find most “funny” videos very interesting. I create a lot of original content for public consumption, significantly more than many social media users, and if that becomes difficult, then the site suffers more than I do. But it's undeniable that social media, and this social media in specific, is where my people are, and yeah, I like seeing you all every day. It makes it difficult to leave even when Tumblr is the best of a bad set of options.

It seems like a lot of the internet, lately, is the best of a bad set of options.

All that said, Tumblr forced a sudden, unwanted, and unchangeable reskin on me a day after I listened to a two-hour podcast about addiction while working on building a newsletter system for my author site. I spent the evening before this happened in contemplation of my relationship to social media and to my readership and how I might alter it to my benefit regardless of whether that's also to Tumblr's detriment. Their poor timing, I suppose. A lot of the theories advanced on the podcast were, to put it kindly, bunk, but one of the suggestions for people questioning their relationship to an activity was a dopamine fast -- removing something in your life that gives you quick but unsustained dopamine hits, so that you can take some time to level out and examine your behaviors. On the one hand, that's not at all how dopamine works; from the jump it's a bad theory. But on the other, pulling back from something you think may be causing you difficulty is generally speaking a good tactic.

Removing myself from Tumblr yesterday was an active process: because I have ADHD and often will forget something exists if I don't systematize my engagement with it, Tumblr is normally pinned to my browser, with the app on my phone's top screen. Removing the app and closing the window meant that while I occasionally reached for Tumblr, it was less frequently than I expected, and the lack of access reminded me why I wasn't there. I missed you guys, but I didn't miss getting distracted from work by my dash, or the pressure to respond to the volume of communication I receive through the site daily. I don't think my use of tumblr as my sole social media has been unhealthy, per se, but certainly yesterday felt both quieter and calmer after I walked away.

But that's a temporary relief, because you are my community, and not only do I not want to leave my community, it's a resource for me. One of the reasons I do things like Radio Free Monday and the weekly Hug on Saturdays is that I try to make sure that resource is reciprocal. Leadership involves service. Leaving would be easy in the short term, but in the long term, leaving my community without having another place to meet it, or another community to go to, would be harmful to both of us. I'm already someone who isolates, and while I have a strong brickspace circle of friends, they fulfill sometimes different needs.

Though I do appreciate the wild vote of confidence from the comments to my last post telling me people would come with me where I went. That means a lot to me. I will attempt to make it either unnecessary or as painless as possible. Just know, I see your faith and friendship and I appreciate it.

Sometimes at my old job I'd be in very tumultuous meetings where a lot was discussed and not much agreed on, and the most useful thing to me was always to say, "What are our next steps? What would you like me to do because of this meeting?" So what are next steps, all this being the case?

First, I'm going to be off Tumblr, mostly, for another couple of days, because clearly I need the break and a few days won't matter too much. Again, I will be back either to continue on the site or to let you guys know, at length and volume, where I'm headed. The former is much more likely.

Second, I'm going to be actively looking for both a widget I can install to reset the dash (recommendations welcome, I currently don't even use xkit) and a wholly new platform that's a realistically viable alternative. Even if the dash gets reset, the shitty post editor is here for good. Attempts to source alternative platforms in the past have taught me that it needs to have a mobile-friendly site or an app, a similar structure to tumblr, and a reasonable chance of actually attracting users. That's a heavy venn diagram unlikely to be fulfilled anytime soon, but I'm now invested in finding it, instead of just passively waiting for it to happen to me (as Tumblr did when it pulled me off LJ).

Third, I do have an email newsletter in the works! I'm just wrestling currently with setting up how people sign up for it. This wasn't meant to be "my main broadcast platform"; it's meant to be a once-monthly email to share book news, targeted at people who aren't on socials or who just really love content from me, I guess. :D The plan was for me to assure Tumblr users that it was not extra content, just select content repackaged into a digest. But it will be one way to ensure that if I'm moving around outside of Tumblr, you'll know about it. I hope to have a link to a signup page soon. (I'm....dealing with some code issues.)

Fourth, I'm going to be combing through the last ten years I've spent here and pulling anything I think is of value into an archive. For now everything will remain here as well, and I'll let you guys know if I think that's going to change, but it's clear that this space is moving only one direction, towards a place I can't exist, and when/if it crumbles I want to have already evacuated what's important.

So there you go. I'll possibly be posting sporadically (the Saturday Hugs are queued six months in advance so that'll happen) but if nothing else and if not sooner, I'll be back full-time next week starting with Radio Free Monday. I appreciate your patience and your kindness in the meantime!

[neonfretra]

oughhhh oumblr post machine broke... i have made a post so long and dense that i can no longer even BREATHE her way without getting errors for inability to process post... i can edit other posts fine. i can post posts fine. i asked someone else, different account and device, to try it and its BROKEEEEE. epic highs and lows of text transcriptions of a 15 slide long portion of an essay <3 BTW the full slideshow is 52 mb . of 8 slideshows total. my madness <3

villain monologue below the cut <3

if you ever want to HATE a text editor try managing, editing, writing long form text in it <3 never a more infuriating experience in my LIFE i SWEAR!

a minor infatuation of mine is how tumblr rich text editor will handle different elements (ex. paragraph/regular, header 1, bulleted lists) where if you switch between them in a post frequently you might notice it is incredibly weird (compared to other rich text editors i use)!

when you create a new text block (excluding regular text) and then hit enter, it creates another line of text in the style of the previous text block (excluding headers). but when you hit backspace, instead of reverting to regular text, it deletes the entire line of text. if you want to revert to regular text you actually need to hit enter AGAIN. which i mean is fine but my muscle memory has ISSUE with it LOL

not to mention the fact that you cant layer multiple elements (ex. you cant have a bulleted list embedded into indented text). exception of fonts maybe, i dont use fonts at all, i have them disabled, i cant read them LMAO. i have not used ummm quotes as well

AND it breaks copy+pasting. tumblr disagrees with copy+pasting any text in any formatting besides regular LOL. if you use lists or indented text, you cannot paste anything from the block ANYWHERE within the post. you also cant drag and drop text on desktop and i dont like doing posts on mobile devices so yall on your own in that world. (did yall know the google applications i use dont let you right click -> copy/cut/paste? i dont. i dont know what they broke but they broke it)

AND this isnt even mentioning the fact that sometimes the tumblr text post editor just. lies. LOL? call her HTML the way white space (ex. spaces, blank paragraphs) does NOT matter. i put spaces between bullet points and they are gone. there are inconsistent spacings between text blocks because i copy+paste them and use the different text elements . and then they are gone. i somehow have indented bullet lists??? that i cannot recreate??? and also dont even show up in the public facing post???

AND this is also not even mentionin the fact that its very prone to breaking. like i cannot type into certain lines of text under fairly recreatable situations (IIRC, indented text block, press enter at the start of the text block to make a new block above the existing one, type a character and then delete it to make the new block blank. cant type into it again unless i click off and on again!) or the fact that i straight up cannot edit a post anymore. or the fact that its really common for me to run into errors where it refuses to save at all? or maybe im just stress testin it, im not actually sure how much im puttin into this poor thing? TBF this isnt a 30 image long monstrosity THIS time (which is the image limit on desktop, its 10 on mobile) so it breaks a lot less ^_^ for a copy and paste project. we living it up scrapbook style.

maybe neonfretra is hollerin about nothin. that post is absolutely broke as hell though. ^o^

[murumokirby360]

My first ever Android Smartphone - Busted (Cherry Mobile Jelly) [feat. my Paper Dolls]

DeviantART version → [CLICK ME!]

Hello, August... 🏫🎒 It's been a rough and depressing month for me from nothing to earn funds for myself, to struggling with my life staying at home. 😟😞 Although I do occasionally go outside to get some fresh air when the sun is bright, it remains the same. 😔 I'm still stuck on my mom's slow-performance laptop, and I can't make item reviews because of the aforementioned laptop. 👩💻 Meanwhile, I'm still browsing some job openings, though the only problem was the "lack of trustworthy". I did apply once and I was going to go anyway, however, my mom investigated the details of where the venue at for a schedule, and it turns out that the job that I applied for was a sham... Yeah, I dodged the bullet on going there owning to my flashbacks of what happened in 2019. *Sigh* So much for that... 😟 I wish this type of fraud job would be ended by the time the government and authorities caught red-handed on fake application jobs. Right now, I've already applied for a job by submitting a resume to legit hiring via email, and to this day nobody answered my call. I'm still a helper for my parents' small rug business, although they didn't give me a raise, but small treats and food. Also, I'm selling my scrap computer parts, unfortunately, nobody seemed to be interested in my items... Bummer. 😔

[I want a end my life... But, I refused to kill myself. Not yet... 😟😞]

Should I keep posting and sharing my items on tumblr? 🤔 I'm still thinking about it, but for now this could be my last item... As we hit the first "Ber" month (September 📆), I need to take a break from posting it until my custom PC desktop brought back to life with a brand new GPU Card. 🖥️🔧

Anyway, let's head back to my last item (before I go *semi* hiatus):

• What I have here is my first ever cheap Android Smartphone after I graduated from vocational college [Computer Programing] in 2014. 👨‍🎓🏫💻 This here is the "Cherry Mobile Jelly". 🤖📱 Actually, it's now simply called "Cherry" which we'll get to that later. Nonetheless, I bought this cheap and small smartphone for ₱ 2,299 💵 from a local trustworthy cellular phone store at the mall, I should it picked the blue color because I loved that color for life 💙, although it is out of stock so I guess I'll settle with green anyway. 🟩📱🤷‍♀️ (After all, green signifies an android phone, right? 🟩🤖📲 Nonetheless...) As for the specs of this phone, it is pretty low-profile standard considering that this is a budget-friendly smartphone. Here, go see it by click here → [CLICK ME! #1]. Unfortunately, as you can see, my first cheap smartphone ended in 2015 due to poor quality, as I accidentally fell off my phone numerous times causing it to crack the touch screen (not to mention, the battery phone had bloated.), and my Jelly phone ended its life. It was only a matter of time before my old phone was replaced by the outdated "Samsung Galaxy S Duos 2" [GT-S7582] (which was also decommissioned somewhere in 2019). As for the so-called "Cherry" brand, they're still producing smartphones albeit a small ranges because they've already expanded to daily electronic appliances (e.g. slim smart TV, washing machine, air purifier, etc...). Pls, click here to see → [CLICK ME! #2]. One more thing, the only feature really I missed from using the old Cherry Mobile Jelly is the ability to watch TV by raising the mini antenna and opening the TV app, as you've seen on my snapshot. 📺📲😊

• When it comes to comparison with my current Tecno Spark 20 Pro [CLICK ME!] smartphone, well... You noticed the BIG difference. 📱📲 To be honest, I missed holding a small Android smartphone, as holding it could be a very advantage (which is like holding an old MP4 player) over a tall and bulky smartphone, like my aforementioned Tecno mobile brand. 😊 And surprisingly, they're still producing small smartphones albeit in ✌"Made in China"✌ and they're using a vanilla yet recent Android Operating System, unlike Samsung, Huawei, Oppo, Xiaomi, and other giant smartphone brands with their state-of-the-art features and current running Android OS. Maybe someday I'll get my hands on the small Android phone for a nostalgic sake? Who knows? 🤷‍♀️ For now, though, I guess I'll stick with the taller smartphones. And as for my first ever owned cheap Android phone, it's already a relic of its time. Time for you to return to the memorabilia box. 🙂

Well, that's all for now. If you want to see my previous topic, then please → [CLICK ME!].

Tagged: @bryan360, @shadowredfeline, @leapant, @lordromulus90, @coda-archive, @sammirthebear2k4, @alexander1301

[apomaro-mellow]

you really need to get on ao3. i dont know anyone who reads 10+ part fanfics by clicking through hyperlinks until they reach the first part or whatever. youre a great writer, but no one is gonna read your work while its in 30 different posts on tumblr that we have to either open in 30 different tabs on a desktop, or manage to click through and not lose your place in while on mobile because tumblr doesnt save your place like a seperate ao3 tab does. please get on ao3 because i would love to read your fics but i refuse to click through *10+ tumblr posts* to read it, knowing the app could just refresh and i have to do all of that work over again.

I re-read this like 3 times trying to figure out what was wrong with this and I think I figured it out. There's this sense of entitlement that just doesn't sit right with my spirit. You warn me that "no one" will read fics that are dozens of posts in but King and Prince part 20 has comments and reblogs that say otherwise.

I could just tell you to get good because no one else seems to be having any issues finding my fics and the ones that do know how to navigate their way through this site. But I don't know you anon. You could be someone in their 70s with limited computer literacy. Or you could be a thirteen year old who just received their first laptop and doesn't know where to start.

You're asking me to hold your hand and so I will give you that grace and oblige.

Now if you go to my blog the first thing you will see is my pinned post with-what's this? All of my Stranger Things fics!

All present to be bookmarked, liked, or otherwise saved for your convenience. But you want AO3 specifically. Now let's say you've somehow missed the titles that have links to AO3 next to them. Well, when I like someone on tumblr, the first thing I'd do is go to AO3 and see if they have an account there. You see most sites have this nifty little function:

Hey, that username looks familiar. Anyway ignore that. I want you to focus on that ovular shape. In that, you can look up anything you desire. Lucky for you, I've got a rather unique name. Even just putting in "apomaro" and you get this

Odd that it says only 3 found, but not everyone and everything can be perfect. We're all still learning, even computers. But anyway, I think you can figure out the rest. Just in case though. You'll want to click the author's name (next to "by") and presto!

You've found that AO3 that you said I should get. Sure is a good thing I made it *checks notes* nine years ago just in case this happened.

Anyway, happy reading!

[biomorphic-beast]

After using the new desktop layout for a while I can safely say it sucks.

Not because it very similar to how Twitter looks but because it is took the twitter layout and made it worse.

Lets look at both and compare.. There is the old version of twitter. (I refuse to acknowledge X)

And here is the current tumblr layout. Though I would like to note that I use Firefox.

Note everything I am gonna say others have already said and done by other users so nothing here is new. Just that these are the things that made the most sense to me. 1. It's cramped. Everything has been squashed into the center when it really doesn't need to be. It might be done in order to look closer to the app. However, the app has its own set up and isn't just using shrunken down version of the desktop as far I can tell. Yet this empty space couldn't be used for ads since ads take the form of sponsored posts. Also I have my adblocker turned off for Tumblr so I would likely know if it was being used for banner ads.

Dispite all of this there is somehow more empty space of tumblr that there was on twitter.

2. Its hard to read.

When the new layout was put into action I found myself really struggling to read the posts as my eyes would glide over to the left. At first I thought is was because of the sidebar yet I found other websites with a sidebar don't have this problem for me. However one user, whom I can't find the orignal post, pointed out that by having everything near the center goes against how the eye normally flows when reading. they noted that depending on the native language most will eithe read from left to right or right to left. Considering most of tumblr users seem to speak English in one way or another the eye is used to starting from the left side. With everything being centered to makes tricky for the eye to follow the text that little bit more.

This is where the principle of "eye flow" which refers to the way the eyes will navigate a website.

Twitter also has a similarly awful layout but at the very least looks like it has given more space the the main posts. I guess.

3. The activity tab. The activity tab when opened covers up whatever post you are looking at which just looks awful and only really adds to this claustrophilic feeling.

4. The notifications.

A lot of people including myself find the design of the too distracting of even overwhelming. I am not sure how this could be fixed other than going for a subtler design or having some sort of ablity to turn of nofications.

I am sure there is more that I am not aware off or just don't bother me. I don't thing this layout is doomed but right now it just feels like the first draft.

Remember that you can give feedback via tumblrs own help center. @ing staff will only do so much.

[sunset-peril]

FAQ (Read first please ^^)

Tumblr won't let me link to the FAQ section I have on the desktop version (for whatever reason) so here it is for mobile users.

-----

What Does HFS and AMNT stand for?

HFS = Hyrule’s Final Stand (My Zelda Series)

AMNT = A Man Named Terran: A Dual Destinies Tale (My Ace Attorney Series, no relation to the Mutant Ninja Turtles, haha)

How does your ask box work?

When submitting an ask, please note whether you want to talk to a character, or me. Options are as follows:

Anyone from A Man Named Terran 

Anyone from Hyrule’s Final Stand 

Me.

Silly little ask blogs are what got me onto Tumblr, so I'd love to answer those types of things!

Do you post any art?

I can’t draw very well. Sorry to disappoint. I’m a writer over an artist, and most of the art that might be here are reblogs or presents.

Is this a personal blog or a themed blog?

This is my everything blog. Myself, my Zelda series, my Ace Attorney series and other related nonsense will be here!

May I draw an OC of yours/draw a scene from your stories?

PLEASE! I’d love that very much. You don’t need to ask, I just ask you credit me for the story/character and send it to me so I can marvel at it. ….and shove it in everyone’s face like it’s Phoenix Wright’s attorney’s badge because someone likes my stuff enough to make more stuff.

Do you take requests?

Nah. And I can’t promise it will happen in the future either. I don’t do “trends” or “-tober” events either. Sometimes I’ll do a few Shiptobers casually, but with no intention to do the whole month. The ask box is what I offer for interactives.

What about prompts?

I accept prompt suggestions, but may or may not complete the prompt. That is up to my own discretion.

Headcanons?

I get so into my stories that I forget what is a headcanon and what is not. Keep this in mind when interacting. I’d love to hear your headcanons about my stories!

Anything obviously canon-deviant will be noted at the top of the post if I think it will be problematic. However, if its obvious then... its obvious.

I found something unrealistic in one of your stories!

I probably put it there on purpose. Especially with the Ace Attorney series, A Man Named Terran, I’ll sometimes sacrifice complete realism. There will still be some degree of realism, but it may not be 100% guaranteed-to-work-on-Earth. Don't try it at home.

Do you have a Ko-Fi or Patreon?

No. Because I don’t expect people to use it, and I don’t really have reason to restrict things at the moment. If many people become interested, I might open a Patreon or something for exclusive stories and whatnot. Emphasis on the might.

Also, Paypal hates me so I have no way to take donations due to the sucker refusing to link to a financial account for withdrawls.

Do you make NSFW material?

Not intentionally. I prefer to keep material PG-13 and under. Sometimes I’ll make something that’s Mature/R-rated for gore/violence, but making that material M/R is not the intention. Usually my M/R content is related specifically to the UR-1 Incident from Dual Destinies, which is mostly where the game’s M rating comes from anyway.  

Spoiler Policy -

Official content like trailers and Direct content must have been published by the producer (Nintendo, CAPCOM, etc) before I will publish or talk about it. I don’t like to deal with “leaks”.

Gameplay/Story information will be released (with a spoiler warning) ONLY after the end of the day of release (Usually 8-9pm on the day a game releases)

Yes, that means I won’t talk to you about the storyline of Tears of the Kingdom outside of trailer material until May 12th, 2023… if I even get off my Switch for long enough to interact, haha.

Major Spoilers will be tagged as spoiler warning until the game’s first birthday. Minor spoilers will depend. After the content’s first anniversary, you assume sole responsibility for avoiding spoilers on my page.

It is always implied that one of my stories about a certain game will contain major and mild spoilers.

Proceed at your own risk. :D

[kopikokun]

Tell Me What You Want Me to Do to You༄ mark l.

↳ On an awfully planned trip with your best friend Mark, the place you end up spending the night in is not what you had in mind. Oh well, at least Mark’s there to keep you company. And apparently, he’s a pretty great kisser too.

pairing: bestfriend!mark x f!reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, friends to lovers, college!au

wordcount: 1.8k words

author’s note: i’m so sorry that i can’t add the ‘keep reading’ thing. i’ve tried, but every time i do it, the whole post gets wonky and i can’t edit it on mobile anymore. i’ve even tried desktop tumblr but the same thing happens :(

Request 32: Mark + “I need a hug.” (42) + “Stop being so cute.” (67) + “Put me down!” (153) + “There’s only one bed...” (154) [F2L + Suggestive]

— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝.

In hindsight, a trip with your best friend sounded like a more than sound idea. The two of you had combined what limited knowledge you had about general adulting, scrounged up most that you could considering your financial situations as two college kids, and, in essence, had made things worked.

Or at the very least, you think, eyes scanning the room, taking in the general gist of the next addition to your mountain of already existing issues, made things happen.

And to answer a question; yes, there is a significant difference between work and happen.

Mark sighs wearily. It’s most likely due to the ridiculously lengthy car ride the two of you had been subjected to just to get here (and the back-and-forth bickering over whose bright idea it was to decide to go on holiday when the travelling industry is at its peak—it had been Mark’s, by the way, something about promotions and discount prices) and the even more absurd hike—or as the cheery staff liked to call it—expedition to your room.

“I can’t believe you convinced me to take a trip to the middle of nowhere, Mark.”

“Excuse me, this is not ‘the middle of nowhere’. According to the website, this is a ‘refined establishment which offers a fresh look into life alongside Mother Nature’,” defends Mark, letting the duffel bag stuffed with clothing he has slung over his shoulder slip to the ground with not an ounce of care.

“Well, that’s marketing for you.” You roll your eyes. “Just admit, you screwed up.”

Mark scoffs, unwilling to admit his defeat. “Not my fault that you’re a city girl.”

“This has nothing to do with me being a ‘city girl’. And you say that like you’re not a city boy.” Mark is tempted to say something petty in response but bites back his words. “And we have a bigger problem at hand right now, Mark.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s a big problem…”

“Dude,” you deadpan. “It’s a big problem. There’s only one bed.”

Mark clicks his tongue. “We can come up with something… I, uh, I could sleep on the floor?”

“In this weather? You’ll be dead of hypothermia by morning. So, no.”

“Christ, alright then I guess we’ll just have to sleep on the same bed,” says Mark casually, falling onto the linen sheets. The bed creaks under his weight.

You shoot him an incredulous look. “Together? On the same bed?”

“Yeah, why not? We’ve done it before when we were kids.” Mark stares blankly up at the ceiling. “What’s so different about back then to now?”

You laugh wryly. “What’s different? We did it when we were kids, Mark. Kids.” Your face warms as you give Mark a once-over, taking it how much he’s grown into his good looks over the years. “I can list off plenty of things that have changed since we were literal children.”

Mark flips onto his side to face you head-on, an elbow propping him up. “Why? What’s wrong? You got a crush on me now?”

You roll your eyes, but your cheeks pool with even more blistering heat. “Ugh, as if.”

“Damn, alright then, Cher Horowitz,” jeers Mark.

You stick your tongue out at Mark. “Whatever. Pass me a pillow. I’ll take the floor.”

Mark jolts upright like a meerkat on the lookout. “What? No, you take the bed. I’ll take the floor.”

“No, I’m good. You can have the bed to yourself. I don’t mind, honestly.” You jerk your thumb towards yourself, pushing your chest out proudly. “This ‘city girl’ can handle a little bit of cold.”

There’s the muffled rustling of sheets and the padding of feet against the floor before a pair of arms coil themselves around your waist from behind you, which by the way, doesn’t help your cheeks which only grow hotter by the second. You turn to face Mark who stares at you with nothing but genuine concern.

“No way. This ‘city girl’ is taking the bed.” His arms curl tighter around you, pulling you even closer to him. “Come on. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“No, Mark it’s—”

Your refusal is cut short when you feel your body grow weightless as your feet are lifted off of the ground.

“Oh my God! Holy shit, Mark.” Like a hapless ragdoll, you’re almost effortlessly thrown over Mark’s shoulder. You’d be impressed by how surprisingly strong he is given his skinny-looking exterior, but you find that this isn’t quite the right time to be complimenting his physical abilities just yet. Mark grunts when you writhe in his hold. “Put me down!”

“With pleasure.”

You yelp, startled when Mark nonchalantly drops you onto the bed, following suit not too long after, his face inches from yours. His arms cage in your face and you feel your head grow dizzy, intoxicated by his scent. Your heart lurches when the bed groans with all the brute force being heaved onto it.

Mark grins cheekily at you, an airy laugh leaving his lips. “Jesus, you should’ve seen your face! It was priceless.”

You stare up at him, subconsciously drinking in his beautiful features; from the hairs of his eyebrows to the flutter of his eyelashes to the rosy apples of his cheeks and right down to the dip of his cupid’s bow, you gawk at him in silence for a moment or two. You realise that it’s actually been a moment or two too long since you’ve said something by the way Mark’s smile falters and his eyes begin to roam your face with just as much intrigue.

You clear your throat, averting his keen gaze. “Yeah, alright. Haha, very funny, Mark.”

For once, Mark doesn’t have any witty comeback for you in response. In fact, the room is drop dead silent save for the mechanical whirring of the ceiling fan. Mark’s adam’s apple bobs up and down in apprehension as his eyes scan your face once more. You can’t look away from him. Your eyes are glued to his as your heart hammers in your chest, its vibrations ringing in your ears.

He makes a move to get off of you but freezes when he feels your hand wrap around his bicep, urging for him to stay as he is. Mark watches you with interest, waiting for something more, but all you can do is continue gaping at him. You pull your bottom lip between your teeth, blinking up at him. You wait with baited breath as Mark licks his lips.

“What?” he whispers. “What is it you want from me?”

You inhale sharply.

Mark’s voice drops several octaves, turning almost gravelly, which is so out of character for him you nearly blanch. “Come on, I want to know. Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

You mumble your words incoherently, your mind too clouded over to formulate an actual sentence.

“Speak up, pretty girl. I can’t hear you.” Mark leans into your ear, his hot breath making your hairs stand on end.

“Want you to kiss me, Mark.”

“God, you’re so cute. Stop being so cute. Say it again.”

You huff, growing impatient. “Please, Mark. Just kiss me already.”

“Holy shit.” He tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “That's really hot.”

Mark kisses you tenderly. His lips press softly against yours, testing the waters and gauging your reaction. He tastes of the spearmint gum you gave him on the ride here and he smells like the fabric softener you always use when you go over to his place.

His hand cups your cheek, and at your hum of appreciation, he finally decides to kiss you with a little more fervour.

You’re not sure how, but you soon find yourself in Mark’s lap as he rests his back against the headboard. You chase after his lips when he pulls away and he giggles, the sound so bizarre considering the atmosphere. You don’t stay displeased for too long though, as Mark begins kissing down your jaw, which tickles, if you're being frank.

Mark’s grip on you turns bruising when you scratch at his nape, savouring the way his breath hitches. As things progress, you can’t help but wonder how this exactly happened. Sure, you’ve had those moments where the idea of being more than friends with Mark excited you, but it’s not like you dwelled on the thought often. All throughout your friendship, you’d never had any moments like this, but you’re surprised you two hadn’t done this sooner, because God, this feels amazing. Thinking back on it, there have been moments where you’d caught Mark staring a little too intensely at you and vice-versa, but you brushed it off as a common occurrence, being friends with a guy. But, you suppose, given the fact that you and Mark are making out right now, probably means that those stares meant a little more than you had first surmised.

You pull away when Mark grips the back of your neck. He pauses, his gaze finding yours.

He swallows dryly. “You okay?"

You exhale shakily, a whirlwind of thoughts consuming you. “Wait- I- Can we,” you take a breath, “can we stop?”

Immediately, Mark’s expression melts into one of distress. “Yeah, of course we can.”

“Thanks.” You nod timidly, climbing off his lap and sinking into the spot beside him. You chew on the flesh of your inner cheek, guilt washing over you. “I- I’m sorry.”

Mark’s head swivels to face you. “What? No, don’t be sorry. It’s fine.” He fiddles with his fingers. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“What? No, no, you didn’t.” You laugh reassuringly. “I just- I don’t know- I just—”

“No, it’s okay. If you want to stop, I'll stop. No explanation required.” Mark smiles at you. “But… we’re still cool, right?”

“Of course we are, dude.”

Mark snickers. “Wow, I can’t believe you just called me dude after we made out. You’re really something else, huh?”

“Hey! You should take that as a compliment.” You shove him playfully. “I don’t call just anyone dude.”

“Well then, it’s an honour. Dude.”

Your conversation dwindles into silence. You feel anxiety begin to make its way up your spine as it latches onto you, sinking its gnarly teeth into your back. What now? Can you two really go back to being just friends if that’s what you ultimately decided? The faint spinning of the fan is the only thing that nulls your worries. Cautiously, you reach for Mark’s hand beside you and thankfully, he reciprocates the gesture. You sigh happily, finding solace in the warmth radiating from his fingertips.

“Can I—no I mean—can we cuddle?” You await a response from Mark, only to be greeted by nothing. “Uh, I’m sorry. That was dumb of me. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

You attempt to pry your fingers from Mark’s but he refuses to let you slip away. Instead, he brings your hand to his lips, placing a chaste kiss on the back of your palm. “Hey, no. Let’s cuddle. I’m down for that. I need a hug, anyway.”

It’s astounding how easy it is to get into a spooning position with Mark. And as corny as it sounds, you feel like you fit perfectly in his arms, snug against his chest. You allow yourself to relax in his embrace until you feel something digging into your thigh.

“Is that—”

“Yeah, sorry,” says Mark sheepishly. He shifts in his position, but to no avail. He just hisses in discomfort. You smother a giggle. “I’m still, uh, a little… excited?”

“My bad.”

Mark pokes your waist, fishing that repressed giggle out of you. “Dumbass.”

And as you lay there with Mark, your laughter fading as the moon rises, you can’t deny the sparks of attraction that have ignited. You’re not quite sure exactly how you feel, but you think, whatever the outcome, the two of you will be alright.

[t00thpasteface]

I would love to know the top 3 questions you were HOPING to get most! (Also to get the answers to said questions 😝)

(19) What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

The TES fandom has stage IV terminal Hiatus-Brain. I actually would like to elaborate on this as a standalone post, but I'm honestly terrified of starting some kind of batshit drama with it, so I'll try to keep it short and sweet (and if you want me to go on, I will):

I feel like there's a lot of (talented, creative, and absolutely galaxy-brained!!!) artists/writers/worldbuilders in the TES fandom who are SO irritated by the actual canon, who devote SO much time to building their own characters and lore, who are SO desperate for representation that TES just will never feasibly have... and I think these folks just honest-to-god need to Read Another Book, so to speak. I feel like they would be a lot happier for it, and that the canon is just holding them back at this point.

Whether that means putting your energy into engaging with art (I hate the term "consuming media" with my entire soul) you actually love, or creating your own, you have got to break out of the vicious cycle of "wouldn't this be a cool TES lore idea" -> good mood -> plays TES game -> "oh I forgot how much I hate the actual canon" -> bad mood. I've been there! It sucks! And believe me, you are not doing yourself any favors by refusing to let go of something you hate!!

(20) What is the purest ship in the fandom?

LDB/Lydia. What can I say? Match made in heaven. Even though Lydia is just the starter housecarl and doesn't have any grand backstory, something about this ship is just giving "childhood friends to lovers" for me. Which I am always a sucker for. Something about the fact that you're guaranteed to get her at the very start of the game, when you've barely even seen a fraction of Skyrim, and you can keep her with you the whole rest of the way... I don't know, it's very sweet, very pure. And you know I love the whole "mutual pining roadblocked by social hierarchy" trope. LDB and Lydia both thinking the other one is just playing their part as hero or housecarl and worrying that their love is unrequited... Gah!! So cuuuute!!

(21) What are your thoughts on crack ships?

I've said this before, but it always bears repeating: crack ships are a blessing. More people need to just relish in the ridiculousness of crack ships. Modern fandom is defined by speculation, conspiracies, campaigning for headcanons/ships to be "endgame", and even harrassing creators/devs/actors/showrunners for failing to live up to the hype or fanon. Crack ships are a wonderful, uncomplicated pleasure that gives a big ol' fuck you to all of that.

I don't think a ship needs to be feasible within the story itself. I don't even think the characters need to get along, really. As long as you're NOT, like, literally producing cartoon kiddie pr0nz, which should go without saying, I think you should be able to go absolutely nuts and ship whatever the hell you want. And have fun doing it!!

I have a lot of fond memories of the wild west days of the earlyish Homestuck fandom (from the trolls up to the Gigapause), where it was almost kind of a game to come up with the most batshit crack ships and to hoard them like a multishipping dragon. I still love the quadrant system. It's a shame that the culture on Tumblr overall has shifted away from that outlook and turned into what I can only describe as slow-burn racetrack betting. It's borderline soulless!

And yes, I include crossover ships in this. I've enjoyed a few myself, especially as a tween playing Smash Bros and looking up fanart on the family desktop. And remember that Samurai Bravo explosion back when s5 of Samurai Jack was on everyone's mind? In the immortal words of KC & the Sunshine Band, THAT'S the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it!! Just good, wholesome, crazy fun.

[snoffyy]

@zhaozaipalooza

Heyyyyy wow why am I not surprised my first post on tumblr already contains problematic content ANYWAY I’ve tried to write something beautiful and eloquent and flowy but this is all my brain has spat out oof -

Filling the modern au prompt with TA!Zhao in an introductory maths course. Started out as Zuko/Zhao, turned into Yue/Zhao (I believe the ship has been coined fried fish??) and then for some reason settled on Hakoda/Zhao (at least, the setup for it). It’s a little hastily put together (could it be??? My word counts somewhat under control???) and I have no idea what I’m doing so I’m keeping it on tumblr. I’m so sorry for being horrendously late, but a huge thank you to the mods for all their time and effort!!

.

Despite the many grievances that came with being a TA, Zhao did find the job rather fulfilling in some respects. Tearing through assignments, breathing down people’s necks while invigilating exams, getting paid to answer algebraic questions he could do in his sleep…

And then, out of the blue, he would be reminded that there were a few but significant downsides.

Such as now.

Sometimes, students thought they could waltz into his office and expect him to bend rules to their whim.

“Sokka…” Zhao said carefully, sliding his pen down the enrolment list. “I thought this would be the first time I received everyone’s assignments on time, but it looks like I’m still waiting for that day to come. So, what’s your excuse?”

“It’s done!” Sokka yelped, waving his hands about in a flurry of panic. “I swear it is, I’ve got it in my bag right now. Just, uh, could you possibly, pretty please with cherries on top, let the late penalty slide? Please?”

Zhao arched an eyebrow. “And pray tell, why should I do that? The guidelines clearly state that a penalty will be applied for late submission, increased in increments of five percent for each day that it is late until it reaches a total deduction of forty percent, in which case you will receive a zero instead. You’re six hours past the deadline. If it were six minutes, I may have been more inclined to let it slide.”

“Please,” Sokka begged, clasping his hands together. “I’ve been doing so well in this course! But today was super busy and I tried, I really tried to get it in on time.”

“Look,” Zhao sighed, scrubbing at his face. “If I let this one go, there’ll inevitably be a next time. Not for you maybe, but someone else. That’s just how these things work and –”

“I swear I won’t let anyone know,” Sokka promised. “And… and…” his eyes sidled to the empty coffee cup on his desk. “I’ll get you a coffee! As a token of my appreciation.”

“That sounds more like bribery than appreciation.” Zhao scoffed, flinging the paper cup into the bin. “Just give me your assignment so we can call it a day.”

“And a cookie.” Sokka tacked on, evidently refusing to go down without a fight.

“… A cookie.” Zhao repeated flatly. “You’re trying to bribe me with a coffee and a cookie.”

“Is it working?”

“No.”

“But…” Sokka said, a crafty look in his eye. Zhao would be more impressed if he hadn’t seen that exact expression for most of his upbringing. “I know for a fact that you’re a crazy fast marker. You always get our results back to us within a week. No one can do that without binging coffee and sugar… aren’t you in need of a fix?”

He was a fast marker because there were only two teaching assistants in this course, and Jee was woefully slow-paced, so obviously someone needed to pick up the slack. What usually happened was that Zhao would tackle the stack of assignments nearly solo and leave grading input and moderation to Jee, before happily returning to other pressing matters.

“Actually,” Zhao said, picking up a second, smaller stack of papers on the other side of the desk, holding it up for Sokka to see. “I’ve already graded these, and I’m doing just fine.”

The horror on Sokka’s face nearly made Zhao smile. Nearly.

“But…” Sokka protested feebly. “How… how are you nearly halfway done?”

“Trade secret. Now, assignment. Gimme.” Zhao held out a waiting hand.

“Large coffee.” Sokka pleaded once more with newfound desperation. “Anything you want. And a cookie. One of those massive ones.”

“Not that interested.” Zhao said. “Come on, come on. I’m planning on getting these done by tomorrow.”

“And,” Sokka pitched forward. “In the next tutorial, I’ll answer all your questions if no one else puts their hand up.”

Oh. Now they were talking.

“Next three tutorials.” Zhao leaned forward, a sharklike smile spreading across his face. “And I want that coffee and cookie.”

“Done.”

“Very good,” Zhao grinned, “you can give me your assignment now. No penalty will be applied. I’ll mark it now while you get the goods, and once you’ve come back, I’ll input your grade into the system.”

The relief was palpable in Sokka’s face. “Yeah, yes. I’ll do that. What kind of coffee and cookie do you want?”

Zhao hummed, taking the assignment out of Sokka’s hands. He got started on marking immediately, red pen working furiously as he tore through the questions. The answers have practically been imprinted behind his eyelids at this point and thankfully, Sokka almost always got full marks, which meant he didn’t need to spend time picking through the working. “The coffee? Surprise me. I want an oatmeal raisin cookie, though.”

Zhao decidedly ignored the muttered incredulity under Sokka’s breath about his taste in cookies, and pointedly flipped the next page to spur him into fetching his bribe.

By the time Sokka scurried back into his office, Zhao had already made another dent in the pile of marking. He lifted his head at the sound of the door opening, and the sight of Sokka’s triumphant face tempted him into changing his mind about accepting the bribe, if only to pour cold water over his excitement.

But, as Jee had pointed out earlier this morning, he’d already reached his maximum quota for assholery today.

“Here,” Sokka presented the cup and a small, brown bag that smelled heavily of baked goods.

“What did you end up ordering?” Zhao asked, taking both items from his hands.

“I asked my dad to make something for my grumpy TA,” Sokka grinned cheekily.

“Need I remind you that your grade’s fate is currently held in the hands of said grumpy TA?”

“Right, yes. Sorry, sir.”

Something else about the statement had caught his attention, though. Zhao examined the logo on the cup, tilting his head as he asked, “Your dad made this?”

“Oh, right, yeah.” Sokka scratched his head sheepishly. “My dad co-owns a café with his best friend. Anyway, uh, he says he’d like to apologize on my behalf for annoying you and that he hopes you’ll enjoy the coffee and cookie. He said it’ll knock your socks off.” Sokka puffed his chest up with pride.

“I’m hard to impress.” Zhao drawled, a bit derisively, but he reckoned he was entitled to a little haughtiness.

“That’s what I said, but Dad’s confident you’ll like it.” Sokka shrugged. “Said you’re welcome to stop by the café anytime. He’ll hook you up with a treat.”

Zhao rolled his eyes and shifted his attention back to his end of the deal. He turned his desktop around so the screen was facing Sokka and pointed out his name. “There. Ninety-seven percent. Congrats.”

And before the fool could do something intolerably annoying like celebrate in his office, Zhao growled out a dismissal, pointedly picking up his cup as Sokka waltzed out the doors.

Alone again, Zhao popped off the lid, peering down with slight confusion when he caught sight of latte art. A classic heart, which he barely managed to rein in another scoff at. At least it tasted… decent. Surprisingly strong notes of espresso, none of that flavoured syrup shit he couldn’t stand.

The cookie wasn’t bad, either.

Well. Colour him slightly impressed. Slightly.

Making a note to stop by the café sometime, Zhao turned back to his marking, mood lighter for some strange, inconceivable reason.

[shijiujun]

Stebee, sorry for the bother, but were you the one that made that post on how to navigate Taobao a few weeks ago? I really want to get that CQL make up set but have no idea how to use the website. Please help me, obi wan kenobi, you’re my only hope.

heya! i don’t think i ever made a full post on how to buy from taobao on tumblr!

but firstly, just to briefly go through it, there are two ways:

*mandatory step for either way: create an account on taobao, might be easier to navigate on desktop and translate the whole page, you can register an account and as an international buyer, just select your phone country code/follow instructions - this is because whether you shop directly or indirectly, taobao will only show you more than one page when you are surfing for products after you login, otherwise you’ll be prompted to log in anyway - think you don’t need an account on the mobile app but for convenience sake you might as well

1. Buy Direct from Taobao

add your address in the profile section - you should do this because some items don’t ship out of china etc., and when you browse, it’ll automatically tell you if an item doesn’t ship to your area so you don’t waste time

you’ll definitely need to be on desktop and translate everything when you search for items

add item to cart

go to your cart page, select all items, and then checkout

at the checkout page, there should be three shipping options - direct to customer (not recommended unless small items), consolidated sea shipping via warehouse, consolidated air shipping via warehouse - what happens is that let’s say you buy from five sellers, they’ll all ship to a designated warehouse, and then you have to pay for shipping again there after warehouse logs in your five shipments, bundles them together, and tells you how much it is based on weight/parcel package, there’s some calculation for this - so i usually pick sea shipping if i’m not urgently waiting for the products (can take about 3-4 weeks) because every 1kg additional tier is cheaper, as compared to air. i only use air when it’s a really small package (within 10 days) + i want the item quick 

so firstly, after you select shipping method - you pay for the base cost of the goods first. here’s the tricky part - taobao’s main app/desktop site uses alipay to process transactions. technically, it SHOULD allow international credit cards because there are options for overseas banks as compared to a few years before where you could only add china bank cards to alipay, but what happened with me was that my credit cards all could not pass i.e. alipay refused to log on my credit card, this happened to my friend too

in this case, what you do is head to tmall.com - this is the slightly more international version of taobao, but is owned by taobao, their backend for the store is connected to main taobao. some of the items on taobao may not be searchable on tmall, but if you do find what u want, that’s great, if you don’t, just anyhow pick ONE item to checkout on tmall, and follow the same steps above as to checkout and shipping, only when you try to enter your credit card, the alipay system on tmall is CONFIRMED international, you’ll definitely be able to link your card there. once you checkout and alipay logs your card on there, you can go back to taobao and checkout again. because the backend is linked, you’ll be able to use your card on taobao now without any issues - this is sort of a personal hack lolol

you’ll have to check your notifications - because it’ll prompt you to pay for shipping once the warehouse has registered your shipments (take about 3-5 business days from when you pay for your item, sometimes can be longer) - and that’s where you make the second shipping payment. once that’s done, just sit back and relax and pine over your package to turn up

2. Buy Via Proxies/Forwarders

There are a lot of forwarders in each country, you may have to search for one if you’re not in any of the below countries:

US - superbuy.com

UK - bhiner.com

SEA - ezbuy.sg or Lazada

How it works is you enter the original product link from Taobao into the search bars of the websites above, and they’ll tell you how much to pay etc. I’m not familiar with most of them except ezbuy.sg - the concept is the same, i.e. you pay for base cost of product and then they’ll inform you to pay for shipping in a second transaction a week or so later - the only difference is you may have to pay agent forwarding fees etc. It works for any product on Taobao, in a sense, you’re paying the agents to purchase the item and ship it for you.

---

Hope this helps!!!!

[mcrmadness]

Really tired of Tumblr not letting me scroll my dash in chronological order. Or it's the problem I have talked about a few times already and I actually contacted their customer service because of this too and I believe they are still looking into it.

Anyway, this problem where I'm scrolling down, and suddenly the dash starts loading new posts before it's done with the old ones. This happens on mobile as well as on desktop.

I'm trying to reach the posts that it refused to show me on mobile, but it's difficult because my computer is already screaming from this heat wave and Tumblr uses the CPU even more, so I try to spare my PC by using the "Where were we?" option but this^ scrolling problem happens even more likely, pretty much every single time, with it.

So I have no other option than to leave Firefox to endlessly scroll all the way down until I find the old old posts and just wish it won't overheat my computer. It sure as hell always jams Firefox tho.

I'd really appreciate it if Tumblr for once worked like it's supposed to... or at least how I ASSUME it's supposed to unless this "hellsite" is meant to not function at all...

[cherryblossomshadow]

Wow this post gave me SUCH TROUBLE?! Tumblr REALLY didn't want me to reblog this one. It was literally refusing to let me click the 'add to queue' button. Like, I would click it and it just did nothing. *throws hands in the air*

i tried reblogging without commentary and then adding commentary later, so it was ostensibly in my queue - I had an edit link to it and everything- but I couldn't see it when scrolling my queue ???

What actually, Tumblr?! Oh, and I could see it in my queue on mobile, but not on desktop??? And I still couldn't add the stupid gif I spent twenty minutes making! I had to go back to the blog i saw it from first and try queueing several times with varying levels of commentary. *aggressive shrug*

[talpup]

Crossroads: 4

Summary: Loss will make a person do terrible things they never thought themselves capable of doing. Things like wanting the mobsters responsible for your little brothers death to pay so badly you’ll summon a Demon to make it happen.

Maya did just that, but little did she know that the Demon would ask for her soul as the price. Or that when she refused give it to him, he would put her in the path of someone possibly much worse.

Kai is offering to help her but what he wants is so much more than her soul. He wants her everything.

Please remember, this fic is rated explicit and has warnings of sex, violence, and other possible triggers.  For a full list of story tags please check the fics AO3 (link to that at the top of my tumblrs homepage).

SORRY for the delay.  I recently started re-working and posting Lost Song, a fic that has beasts, spirits, and sprites with human forms. And focuses on a love triangle between Sphinx!Aizawa, Dragon!Kai, and Reader/OC.

*A bit of a reminder.  This is a 1920's au.  Though the term Mysophobia was coined back in 1879 there were a lot of things that people wrongly thought about it and how to best help those suffering from it.

4.1

Soon after he had sent Hari to follow Maya, Kai had ordered the severed head removed and his entire office scrubbed down.  Though he hadn’t touched the filth himself, he had the overwhelming need to get clean. Hives already starting to break out on his skin by the time he had reached his rooms, undressed, and started the shower.

Stepping out of the steamy bathroom, skin raw and red but feeling fresh and invigorated, Kai moved over to the wardrobe.  White towel wrapped around his waist, he looked over the tailored suits. It was silly.  Though he always took care of his appearance, he never really fussed over what to wear.  But he was now.

Maya had left him.  And though she would be coming back never to leave again, he wanted to do everything in his power to make sure she willingly stayed and accepted him.  Small as it was, part of that included how he appeared to her.  He reached out almost grabbing one of his finer suits but stopped.  What if dressing up wasn’t the answer but dressing down?  Maya, for all her beauty and intelligence, wasn’t a city girl.  She was from a wholesome country place.  It was one of the many things he first liked about her. What if a perfectly fitted, expensive suit wasn’t the answer and only made her feel uncomfortable rather than special?

Decided. Kai dressed, did one more important thing, and then made his way back to his office.  He passed the maid on his way in. “Everything cleaned?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Kai sniffed.  Even with the ornate plague mask the smell of harsh cleaner burned his nostrils and soothed him. “Did they tell you to pay special attention to the desk?”

“Yes, Sir.  I did just as Mister Shin instructed and went over the desk four times.”

Kai frowned.  The head had been on a platter.  It had never touched his desk. It was unreasonable to want an entirely new desk when the filth had never touched the wooden surface.

His mother's voice echoed in his ears. ‘It’s just a phase, Kai.  Quit being so difficult!  The doctor said covering you in the thing you hate will help.  No one is going to tolerate this peculiarity of yours.  No one will love you with it. Just be a good, normal boy and get over this already.’

Banishing the memory, Kai ordered. “Go over it again.”

Accustomed to and slightly afraid of her employer the Maid didn’t question or argue, simply turning around and doing as he commanded.

Kai sat on the sofa while she worked.  The very same sofa Maya had sat in.  He found himself comforted by that thought.  Somehow feeling closer to her despite her current absence. He had to get her back.  Hari would see she was brought back no matter what.  Though he hoped Maya came willingly.  It would be so much easier and pleasant for them both if she were willing.

When the Maid was finally done, Kai sat at his desk.  He felt a slight itch at first, but pushed the feeling down.  He had seen the woman clean the desk.  He didn’t need a new one.  The head had never even touched the desk.  As time worn on he was better able to ignore the itchy feeling until it was completely forgotten, his mind totally focused on his work.

“Kai.” Shin stopped at his Leader’s open office door.  He blinked, eyes widening for a fraction of a second before regaining his composure.  He had never seen his Boss so dressed down, rarely even seeing Kai with his suit jacket slipped off.  It was strange, disconcerting even.  Like seeing his favorite club dancer out of costume and on the street in regular clothes.

“What is it?”  Kai questioned, lifting his eyes from the orders he was writing.

Shin cleared his throat. “They’re back.  Hari’s pulling up the drive.”

Thrilled as he was, Kai didn’t show it.  Capping the fountain pen, he set it down on the desktop.

He got to his feet, exchanging his plague mask for the less sinister dust mask that would put Maya more at ease. His gloved hand moved to straighten his tie then remembered he wasn’t wearing one.  “Order me a new desk.”

“Of course.  What would you like me to do with that one?”  Shin questioned.

Kai passed the man, eager to greet Maya at the door. “Burn it.  Take it down below.  I don’t care.  Just so long as it’s gone by morning. It’s filthy.

“Yes, Boss.”  Shin nodded, coveting eyes fixed on the massive desk, wondering if it would fit in his corner station down below.

4.2

Hari put the car in park.  He hadn’t spoken to Maya the entire trip. And was thankful she hadn’t spoken to him.  What he had seen.  Her speaking to no one as he secretly followed her down the road to her house.  He had seen breaks of madness before but that…  He knew if he had to tell Kai.  What would the Boss say?  What would his Boss do? Was Kai so consumed with Maya that he would keep her?  Try to fix her?

Stepping out of the automobile, he went around and opened the door for Maya.  Numbly, she stepped out.

Hari grimaced at the state of her.  Stockings torn.  Shoes and dressed covered in filth from having walked the dirt road.  There were dried tear tracks marring her pretty face.  And her eyes were red and puffy from crying.  She was a mess.

Kai swung the front door open.  Glad as he was to have her back, he hadn’t planned on greeting her too warmly. Maya had hurt him.  Her ungratefulness at his gift, her venomous words, and running off the way she had should have see her receive a well deserved lesson.  But all his hurt and ire fell away the moment he saw her. She was so dirty.  Looked so broken and small.

Without hesitation, Kai rushed to over wrapping her in a protective embrace. “Sweetheart!  I’m so glad you’re back.  You never should have left.”

He could feel his skin begin to itch from being in contact with someone so dirty.  But this was Maya.  His sweet, beloved Darling. His concern for her overrode everything else.  He pulled back, gloved hands smoothing over her mussed hair.  She was such a mess!  What had happened to his beloved?  Why hadn’t Hari taken better care of her?

Sharp gold eyes fixed on his Lieutenant.

For a moment Hari could've sworn that Kai’s stern eyes glowed.  He swallowed, under his Boss’ angry, accusing stare.

Kai turned away. He would deal with Hari later.  Right now Maya needed him.

“Sir--” Hari was about to tell Kai about what he presumed to be Maya’s mental break when his Boss scooped the filthy woman up into his arms.  Hugging her in her state had been a surprise enough.  But picking her up… He fell silent deciding to wait till morning.  That was if Kai didn’t realize for himself before that.

“You’re home, my Sweet.  I got you.”  Kai murmured, caring her into the house and up the stairs.

Entering his quarters, he made straight for the bathroom, setting her down.

“Maya.” Kai pulled off the dust mask and gloves.  “Look at me, Darling.”

Maya simply stared at the penny title floor.  It wasn’t that she didn’t hear Kai’s voice, it was just so distant, her sense of loss overwhelming.  When headlights had blinded her, Hari stepping out of the car, Maya had felt relieved.  She might’ve lost all she had left of her baby brother but Kai would help her get her revenge.

She hadn’t thought to question why Hari was there or how he had found her.  Even now her mind was so dazed and dull from her loss that she let Kai move and undress her.

“Let’s get you clean.  You’ll feel better after a nice, warm bath. Loosing your home like that--”  Kai stopped.  His eyes lifted to Maya’s, cursing himself.

She had seen that he and Hari hadn’t spoken.  Knew that he shouldn’t yet know about her home.  If she caught the slip and questioned him…  Maya was clever.  Would she piece together that he had sent men to burn the place down days ago?  It had been done so she would have nothing to return to should she try and leave him.  And clearly it had been the right decision.

Thankfully Maya’s unfocused gaze was still on the floor.

Kai’s hands resumed.  This was his first time undressing her.  It should have been full of heated kisses and searing touches.  Her hands and eyes should have been on him, not dead on her lap, gaze on the floor.  This night should have gone so differently.  But he pushed the bitter thought down.  Maya need him.  She would undoubtedly be grateful for his care.  And the thought of her showing that gratefulness had him focusing on the task at hand.

Turning off the tap, he checked the bath water before lifting her up and setting her in the tub.

Maya sucked in a breath.

“Too hot?”  Kai questioned, dipping his hand in once more. He preferred near scalding water, and had made sure to temper his preference with cooler water for her.

Honeyed eyes watched her.  But she didn’t make another sound, her expression blank.

Deciding that the water was fine, Kai picked up a fresh washcloth.  Kneeling beside the claw foot tub, he lifted her arm.  The limb moved without resistance.  Dead weight in his hand.

He had let her leave figuring that seeing she had no place else to go would make her accept her place here with him.  But seeing her now, he wondered.  It cemented in his mind that she should never be allowed to leave again.

“Sweetheart. Look at me.”  Kai bid.  And to his immense relief and pleasure, she did.

Though her eyes were still glassy and unfocused, her head turned.

“I was worried about you.”  Kai told, brushing her tear-stained cheek.

Maya merely blinked.  It was like loosing her brother all over again.  It was possibly even worse as now she had literally nothing to remember him by.  Nothing but her memories.  She couldn’t forget him.  She would never forget him.

Kai’s eyes raked over her naked body.  He used the washcloth to clean her sweet face, gaze following the rivulets of water that ran down her neck and chest.  It wasn’t suppose to be like this, his first time seeing her disrobed.  He had fantasied about bathing with her.  Lovingly and methodically scrubbing each others flesh after a heated lovemaking.  But just because things hadn’t turned out the way he had planned didn’t mean… No.  He was trying to earn Maya’s love and trust, not force and break it.

This weak inner play of desire and focus of task tugged at him as he bathed her.  It couldn’t be denied that he was enjoying himself. She was just so warm and soft.  So beautiful.  So perfect.  And like this, she was almost doll like.  A perfect living doll for him to do as he pleased.

His hands and the washcloth lingered more and more as he moved from her arms and back, and worked up her legs.  With nothing but a soapy square of terrycloth between them, Kai’s hand moved up her inner thigh.  “You should never have left.  You belong here.  With me.”

Her body went taught, a sound between a grunt and a whine escaping her lips.

For a heady moment Kai thought she was responding to his touch. But a second later he realize that, while that might've been the case, it wasn’t in the way he wanted.

Maya’s noise hadn’t been one of pleasure but pain.

In scolding and telling her of her place, Kai had lost himself for a moment.  As he had done so, his fingers had dug into her tender, subtle flesh.  With silent censure, his hand released.  She would no doubt have bruises marring her lovely skin come morning.  Bruises that hadn’t occurred in heated amore.  Would anything this night go right?  At least he had her back.  But that was becoming an increasingly small comfort given the way he had imagined this night going down.  Especially when he wouldn’t have let her leave if he hadn’t been sure he would get her back.

With her legs and stomach done, Kai paid special attention to her chest.  There was no more pretending that this was just about getting her clean.

Maya shivered.  Goose flesh erupting over her skin.

Kai scrubbed all the harder around a perking nipple.  “Doesn’t that feel good, my Sweet?  To get and be clean.  We will be doing this from now on.  A man should take care of his woman in every way that he can.  And the ways I can take care of you, my Love.”

“Kai…”

“There she is.”  Kai smiled. “I knew all you needed was a bit of tending and stimulation to have you fully returning to me.  You had me worried, my Sweet.”

“The water’s cold.”

“No worries.  I’ll warm you up.”  He laid the washcloth over the tub and pulled the stopper, letting the water drain.

Rising to his feet, he grabbed a fluffy white towel.

Though she was now more with it, Maya allowed him to stand her up.  She felt a slight embarrassment at him drying her.  But her mind was still so lost in the events of the night that she did little to try and hide herself.

Reluctantly, Kai slipped a silk rode on her, tying it loosely around her waist. “Come, Darling.  Let’s move to the bed where it’s more comfortable.”

Maya followed, towel hanging over her shoulders.

Kai sat her down and sat behind her, hands taking up the towel to properly dry her hair.  “Feeling better?”

Maya hummed, drowsily.  It was so tempting to fall asleep, hoping that when she woke all of this would turn out to be a bad dream.

“I will always make you feel good.”  He breathed against her hair.

She shivered.

Kai set the towel aside and took up a brush.

Turning back to her, his eyes landed on the lounge beside the bed.  Or more correctly the book left on the lounge.  He had pulled it from his hidden stash to look it over for something to help should Maya prove difficult upon her return.  But Maya was being far from difficult, though she obviously wasn’t the only one having a hard time keeping a clear head.

His gaze flicked back to her.  She hadn’t seen it yet. With the love Maya had for books, she would’ve asked about it. Kai cursed his forgetfulness.  He would gladly give his Darling anything she wanted so long as it was safe and wouldn’t cause her harm.  But answers about that book. The contents in it.  Such things would definitely make her unsafe and potentially cause her harm.  He hadn’t even made Hari or Joi aware about that book or his past dabblings with it.  And his care for them was far less than his care for Maya.

He glanced at Maya, grateful that she knew nothing about such things. And silently vowed to do everything in his power to make sure she never did.

He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, tossing it over the book.  He always got up before her.  He would put it back in its place in the morning.

“My house was gone.”  Maya muttered, barely aware Kai had moved behind her, let alone taken off his shirt.

“You’re house is fine.”  Kai soothed. “It’s here.  With me.  This is your home.”

“Burned to the ground.”  She went on barely hearing what he had said.

Kai rested his hands on her shoulders. “Sweetheart. I know you see this as a tragedy.  Something that has greatly hurt you.  But perhaps it is a blessing in disguise.  That place wasn’t your home. Not anymore.”  He turned her to him.  “Your place is here.  With me. Forever by my side.”  His fingers tenderly brushed her cheek. “Your my girl, Maya.”

Maya’s heart clenched, tears welling with fresh tears. “Everything I had left of him was in there.  It’s like loosing him all over again.  I have nothing now.  No one.”

“You have me.”  His thumb brushed away a fat tear that rolled out of its banks.  “I have no doubt that it hurts right now.  But I will give you more than your justice.  I will give you everything.  You are not alone.  I will give you new, happy memories.  Your life with me will be so full of love and joy that you’ll forget all that you have lost.”

His words tumbled about in her head, their meaning barely registered.  All that mattered was that Kai was here.  That he had accepted her back.  That he seemed to forgive her justified but rude outburst.  And that he would help her get her vengeance.

His voice was deep and smooth.  Reassuring and alluring. Like beckoning sirens call, she was drawn to it.  Drawn to him.

She had lost everything that had ever meant anything to her.  Her brother. Her very reason for being.  The only picture she had of him.  The pillow and clothes that had carried his scent.  The house that he had brightened with his smile.  Filled with his joyous laughter.  It hurt too much.  If she continued to focus on it all she would break.  She couldn’t break.  Not until she had avenged him.

Needing to feel something, anything else Maya leaned forward and kissed her handsome savior.

Kai startled for a fraction of a second at her making the first move. But he recovered instantly. His arms wrapped around her, lips moving when hers didn’t.  Teeth lightly nibbled at her lower lip.  Tongue licking, seeking entrance.

Maya pulled back.  What had she done?  She had been angry at him.  Though sitting here she could barely remember what their argument had been about.  Everything had faded after the sight of the burned house.

“Kai…” She shouldn’t be doing this.  Encouraging him when he obviously wanted more.  But she had just lost everything.  And the pain and anger, it was overwhelming.  She needed to feel something other than heart-wrenching loss and rage.  And Kai was here.  He was willing and wanting, and just so handsome.

Kai’s heart and body was set ablaze by her tender kiss.  And now that he had had a taste he wanted more.  Needed more.  All this time he had resisted.  Held himself back not wanting to scare her away by demanding.  But she had made the first move.  And now that she had it would be perfectly acceptable for him to make the second, third, and four.

“Darling.” Kai’s hand buried in her hair, the other pulling her onto his lap. His lips were on hers, tongue pressing, all but demanding entry.

Letting go, Maya opened her mouth to him.  Her hands rested on his shoulders, neither pushing or pulling.

Leaving her breathless, Kai moved on to her neck.  Kissing and sucking at her tender flesh. Even though this night hadn’t gone the way he had planned, it would still end the way he had wanted.  Maya would be his completely.  She wanted him too.  She had made the first move.  Had kissed--  She had made the first move…

Kai pulled back, eyes sharp.  Expression stern.  “You’ve done this before.”

At his accusatory tone, Maya lifted her chin in defiance. The look was ruined by her quivering lips and shining, shame filled eyes.  “Only cause I had to.”

A different kind of fire ignited in Kai’s chest. “You were forced!”

Her hands moved to her robe, clutching the fabric closed at the base of her throat.  “Forced to survive and provide for my brother.  Rent was hard enough to make in good times.  When he got sick and I had to miss work to stay home and care from him…”  She took in a shuddering breath.  “I could've done without a roof over my head. But a young boy needs a home.  Stability.  I did what I had to to see he always had a shelter and enough food in his belly not to starve.”

Kai stared at her.  His teeth gritted so tightly together his cheek started to twitch. This beautiful, sweet creature.  His beautiful, sweet Beloved had her innocence stolen!  A part of her purity that should have been meant for him.  For him alone to have and take.

“Your Landlord.”  Kai spoke, the rage evident in his voice.

She nodded.

“Wha--” He cleared his throat feeling sick and murderous at just the thought of the question.  But he needed to know.  “What did he ask of you?”

“Enough.” Maya muttered, eyes downcast.  Too much, she thought.  But it had been for her brother.  She would’ve, and still would do anything for him.

She didn’t dare look at Kai. Would he hate her?  Find her disgusting and soiled?  She surely was both those things and more. Even if it had all been done for her brothers sake.  Kai was obsessed with cleanliness.  And despite the recent bath, she was far from clean.

Kai’s hands curled into fists. That man.  That sick, depraved villain had taken advantage of his Darlings situation and need to provide.  He had used it to force her to…  No. He couldn’t even think of it.  Couldn’t bare the thought of it.  His poor sweet Maya.  She had needed him and he hadn’t been there.  It further proved that she could never leave his side.  She was too good.  Too innocent and beautiful.  People would take advantage.  She needed to be protected.  He needed to protect her.

“Was he the only one?  This landlord?”

Maya nodded.

He would have him killed, Kai thought. He would send Hari--  No! He’s eyes fell on the shirt and the book beneath it. He wouldn’t send Hari. He would handle it himself.

Kai turned back to her.  “Did you ever get pleasure from it.”

“Of course not!”

“I didn’t mean it like that, my Sweet.  I meant--”

“No.” Maya said cutting him off.  “He never took the time to try. It’s the one thing I’m grateful for.”

“That he didn’t take your first orgasm.”  Kai said, warming to the idea.

“Please. I don’t want to talk about it any more.”

Kai hugged her against his chest.  He was definitely upset that he wouldn’t be her first; but he didn’t blame Maya for it. He, more than anybody, understood that sometimes one had to do unsavory things.

“You will never have to think or talk about him again.”  He promised, kissing her head.  “In fact, consider him gone.  As good as dead.”

Maya’s head raised at that.  It was one thing to seek vengeance for the innocent life of her brother, but something completely different to do so for herself.  “Kai--”

“Shush.” Kai hush, lightly kissing her lips.  He turned them and urged her to lay back.

“Kai! What are you--”

His hand glided from her waist to her hip, and down the silken skin of her leg.  “I told you to hush, Darling.  The only sounds I want to heard coming out of you’re pretty little mouth are sweet mewls as I show you.”

“Show me?  Show me what—ah!” “There it is.”  Kai sighed, a knuckle grazing up between her legs.  “That’s the sound I want to hear.”

“Kai…” This was too fast.  Too soon she wasn’t ready.  Didn’t want-- Her body tensed, his finger dipping further between her folds.  A jolt of electric pleasure rushed through her when the digit brushed her clit.  “There!  Oh!  Kai!  Please!  There.”

“Don’t you worry, Beautiful.  I know just where you need me.  Just what will have you singing and coming apart for me.” His hand turned, fingers dipping down to her entrance to collect and spread the first sign of her juices while the other tugged at the belt of her robe, undoing it.

Maya’s legs snapped shut around his hand.  No!  Good as it felt, this wasn’t right.  Kai was...obsessed.  She knew it.  Had seen and ignored it.

Nothing’s changed, she argued with herself.  You still need him to get revenge. You were willing to do this if he demanded before.  At least he’s gentler and more caring than that stinking, old landlord.  Its his caring that scares me.  It isn’t right.  Isn’t normal.

“Maya.” Kai’s voice held a teasing censure.  “I can’t please you if you don’t let me.  I need you to open those pretty legs for me, Darling.”

“I--” Maya stared up at him.  Behind him his shadow looked— She blinked. Whatever it was, was gone.

“Come now, Sweetheart.  Give me room to work and I’ll have you forgetting your own name.”

Forget. That was what she wanted, wasn’t it?  To forget the landlord. Forget all that she had lost when the house burned down.  To forget the sight of that severed head.  And drown out, replacing the screams and blood and death of that horrible day her brother died.

“Kai. Make me forget.  Please.”

Kai leaned over her.  “I will, my Love.  I will make you forget every terrible thing.  Everything but me and your life here.  We belong together, Maya.  Together, we will build a new and wholesome world where killings and fires never happen again.”

Her eyes widened.  This was wrong.  What he wanted was wrong.  The amount of death it would take to make his perfect world.  No one could live up to that standard.  Not even Kai himself.  Especially not Kai himself.

Her thoughts were driven away by his lips.  She sighed into his hungry mouth.  Legs spreading of there own accord as her hands gripped his shoulders. She had made a deal with a demon.  What more would it hurt to give herself to a devil of a man if it meant seeing her vengeance done? It wasn’t as if Kai had demanded anything of her.  He didn’t want her soul.  Merely to take care of and love her.  After all this time, it would be nice to be the one taken care of.

“That’s it, my Sweet. Give yourself to me and I’ll make you forget.  I’ll make everything alright.” His lips gazed up her neck to her ear.  “You’re never leaving me again.  You’re mine.”  His fingers pushed into her wet heat, thumb pressing tight circles into her clit.

Maya’s back arched up off the bed. “Oh!  Ka—Kai!”

“Such a pretty sound.  Make some more for me.”  His fingers curled, and she did.

Maya moaned and screamed his name as he worked her with long, thick, skilled fingers.

As badly as he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to watch her more. This was their first time together.  Her first time feeling such pleasure.  Such an event should be marveled at.  Committed to memory. It wasn’t as if they wouldn’t be doing this at least once a day from now on.  He could already imagine taking a long afternoon break, delighting fully in her after she had sat on his lap all morning, keeping him warm.

His cock thrummed at the thought and he grimaced at the wet spot that blossomed in his underwear.  He would satiate his own need soon enough.  But first.  “You’re so close for me already.  Tell me.  Do you want to cum?”

“Yes!” Maya panted, hips bucking up to his hand. “Please, Kai.  Please!”

“Say it.  Say the words.”

“I want to cum.  Please!”

“And who do you want to make you cum?”

“You! Ah!” Her nails dug half moons into his shoulders.

Kai hissed, muscles rolling at the sharp heady pain.  His fingers slowed, thumb lifting off her.  “Such a good girl for me.”  He hummed, smirking at the way her quivering walls tried to milk his fingers. “I don’t think you’re fully satisfied yet.”

“Huh?” She breathed, feeling light as a feather.

“Don’t worry, Darling.  I know exactly what will see use both satisfied.” He got to his knees and paused, lifting his slick coated fingers. Almost on impulse, he pushed them into her face.  “Clean those for me.”

Maya’s mouth opened to question, but as soon as her lips parted his fingers pushed in.  She made a strangled noise.

“Just use your tongue and suck.”  Kai instructed, assumed by her flustered blush.  He had just fingered her and was about to do so much more.  Cute as it was, she had no reason to be shy or embarrassed.  He would know and control everything about her.  She was his.

Maya’s lips closed around his fingers, doing as he said.  She had never tasted herself.  It was...interesting.  Not bad, but not what she would call good.  It was sharp, musky, and somewhat sweet.  A distinctive taste that she’d never be able to describe if asked.  With a start she realized it was a taste distinctly hers.  Her taste.

Her eyes flicked down, wondering what Kai tasted like.  No!  That was… Bad?  Good?  Disgusting?  Would he want her to use her mouth on him? It was something the landlord had like to have her do.  Though it hadn’t been her using her mouth so much as having her mouth be used.  Thankfully the dirty slob liked to finish on her face.

“So good for me.”  Kai murmured pulling his fingers free.  His hand returned to his belt, undoing it and his pants.  He caught Maya watching in interest and smiled.  He didn’t know anything about the scum that touched her but he knew he was better.  It wasn’t arrogance.  It was fact.

When his pants and underwear pulled down, and cock sprung free, Maya gulped.

He smiled at her expression.  “It’s alright, Sweetheart.  It’ll fit.  I promise.”

Maya doubted that.  It was long and thick. Just the thought of it being put in her made her legs and cunt quiver.

“Do you want to touch it?”

She shook her head, despite the desire to do so.

Kai frowned.  He grabbed her wrist and pulled it to him.  Before she could pull back, her fingers were being wrapped around his length.  It was even bigger than it looked.  Her hand appearing small, unable to fully circle around it.

“There’s a good girl.  See.  Nothing to fear.  I would never hurt you.  Your mine, Maya.  And I always take care of what is mine.”

As soon as he released her, she pulled her hand away.  Her palm missed the throbbing heat, feeling clammy and cool.

“Kai!” Maya squeaked as he lowered over her, propping himself up on an arm. “Please be gentle.”

“Of course, my Love.  I’ll try.”  His other hand cupped her cheek. “You made me wait so long.”

Days she thought.  They had known each other no more than two weeks.

“You must understand that I don’t like waiting.  But I did so for you. Because I love you.”  He frowned when she didn’t reply in kind.  He knew she loved him.  She had to.  She was here.  Giving herself to him.  She was his.  She had to love him just as much as he loved her.  “Say it, Darling.  Tell me you’re mine.”

Maya sucked in on her lips. She wouldn’t lie, so she did the quickest thing she could think of. Distract him.  Her head lifted, arms wrapping around his neck.

Kai hummed when her lips met his, her mouth eagerly opening for him of her own accord.  It was further proof of her love.  She was just shy.  Had probably never said the words to anyone that wasn’t family.  He scowled, kissing her in return. She better have never said such words to anybody that wasn’t family.

The taste of her filled his mouth.  It made him want to sample straight from the source, but his cock was aching.  He had waited so long for her.  He was done waiting.  There would be time enough to taste and claim every part of her later.

Taking himself to hand, he ran his length through her wet folds and pressed the head to her entrance.

Maya whined.  It wouldn’t fit.  It wouldn’t fit.  He was going to rip her apart.

“Maya. Relax.”

Gold eyes stared down at her.  Her breath caught.  She could swear that they had glowed for an instant.

He pushed in.

Maya gasped.

Hand lifting, Kai cupped her face.  She was so beautiful and sweet.  As badly as he wanted to sheath himself completely, he held back went slow.

Hips rocking, Kai’s thick length entered her inch by inch until he was seated fully in to the hilt.

“There.” Kai smiled, thumb brushing her cheek.  “I told you.  You should never doubt or question me, my Love.”  In fact, if she did so again he couldn’t guarantee that it wouldn’t be met with swift punishment.

“Kai.” Maya whined, the sound far different from the one moments before.

His pride swelled at her needy tone.  “Are you ready for me to move?”

“Yes. Please.”  She breathed.

Despite his need, he started a slow, sweet pace, letting her fully adjust to the feel of him.  As great as his need for more was, he didn’t want to hurt her.  Fingers rolled her nipples, his ears enjoying every sound she made.  Big as he was, he hardly needed to angle his thrust to hit the spot inside her, but he did, wanting to give her the most pleasure.

“Ka—ah—i!” Her back arched, toes curling.

Damn! She was so tight.  His perfect little darling. She was so good and pliant.  So obedient.  Well, almost.  There was one thing she had yet to do for him.  One thing he needed to hear her say.

His thrusts deepened, hips snapping against hers.  The sound of skin slapping skin mixed with her wanton cries.  It was beautiful.  She was beautiful. “I love you, Sweetheart.”

“Kai. Ple—please!  I—I need--”

“I got.  Just what.  You need.”  Kai said in-between thrusts. “But first.  Let me hear you.  Say it.”

“Say. What?”

“Tell me.  You love me.”

Maya’s eyes widened.  Her hands slid down from his shoulders to his chest, though she resisted the instinct to push him away.

Kai grunted, Maya tightening around him.  “Say it, Sweetheart.  Don’t be shy.”

She moaned, his hips grinding down, rubbing against her clit.

“Say it, Maya. Let me hear you.”  It was like a beast had been unleashed.  Kai had known he wanted Maya, but he hadn’t realized how consuming the need had been.  He more than wanted her.  More than needed her.  He needed her to want him.  Needed her to see him as her everything, just as she had become his.

His pumping hips slammed against hers making her breasts bounce.

Maya found it difficult to breath.  And not just because she was so close again.  It felt as if he were fucking the air out of her.

Kai’s hand moved between them, pressing against her clit.  He had wanted to be gentle.  Told her he would try to be. But pleasure was pleasure and she was being bad by not saying what he wanted.  On top of that, there were still her disrespectful words and reaction from earlier this evening.  She deserved a little roughness.

“Who do you belong to?”

“Y—you! Ah!  Ka—i!” Maya writhed beneath him.

“Tell me.  Who do you love?”

“You!”

“Say it!”

“I—ah! I love you!  Kai!  Please!  Please!”

Kai’s eyes practically glowed.  He had gotten what he wanted, but he didn’t let up. “That’s it, Beautiful.  Come apart for me.  Cum for me. Just.  Like. That.”

She screamed, nails digging scratches into his back.  Her orgasm heightened by Kai’s own.  His cock coming alive, spitting its hot seed deep inside her.

He hovered above her a moment, panting as they both came down from their highs.  Finally, he brushed her hair back.  “You did so good, my Sweet. Admitting your love for me.  I’m so proud of you.”

“I--” Maya paused.  He looked so happy.  Was giving her so much.  What was one lie if it gave him what he wanted while he gave her what she wanted?  It wasn’t as if she disliked him.  In truth, given time, she could see herself maybe coming to love him.  It was just all so new.  They hadn’t known each other for more than two weeks. It was better to let him believe, than hurt him and chance not getting her revenge.

You’ll regret this, a small inside voice told.  He’s controlling and obsessed.  But she ignored the voice.  So what if he was a little controlling and obsessed?  She was getting what she wanted.  She would do anything for her brother. Even if it meant lying in order to see the men who had taken her brother from her punished and dead.

Looking up at him, Maya smiled sweetly.  “I love you, Kai.”

This chapter was a tough one for me to get a handle on and write.  It's my first somewhat consensual smut with Kai, my first smut for him being a rape scene in my Chaos fic.  So any comments, thoughts, or constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

As always, an extra special thank you to @inorganicone2230 for their encouragement and friendship.  I couldn't have done this chapter without your help and input.  Heck, that goes for ALL my fics. Huzzah!  For 'proofreading'.  lol  Seriously though, you really are the best my friend.  THANK YOU!

Taglist: @shadynebula –  Hope you’re feeling better today.

[memorydragon]

Tagged by @subtextsays   I'd planned to do this a few days ago, but the Chinese Government said No.  Also, tumblr is now giving me a major issues actually typing right now, so we'll see if I make it.  Seriously though, the fuck tumblr.  Your post function is nigh unusable right now.

🍓 what do you prefer to be called name wise?

Mem or Memory.  I answer to both irl, mostly because people who know my real name tend to just be like, no, you're Mem.  I go with the flow since there's really only one name I refuse to answer to anyway.

🍓 when is your birthday?

Same day as Dr. Suess.

🍓 where do you live?

South China.  Yeah, it's been a fun year, let me tell ya.  

🍓 Three things you are doing right now?

Fighting desktop tumblr because fuck it.  I never thought I'd say that the mobile version actually has more functionality, but 2020.

Drinking tea.  Because I need tea right now.

Trying to navigate an online teaching system that is entirely in Chinese.  It's going about as well as you'd think.  

🍓 four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

I'm currently in a Tales rabbit hole right now.  My Vesperia playthrough has awakened things that I thought had long past and Crestoria is tempting me with a scene of Vicious and Aegis that my brain wants me to write.  Because, ya know, there's only like, ten fics in the whole tag for Crestoria right now, so between a ten year old game and a gatcha mobile phone game, I'm totally getting a huge audience for these fics.  -_-;;;  Though the Tales game I'm currently playing is actually... not going to end up as a favorite, to be honest.  Graces isn't vibing with me at all.

DC is still on my mind as well.  Vesperia just kind of highjacked a few things.  

Whizzy, you need to join me at Relena's birthday party.  You really should.  XD  And it seems I'm not the only one who's trying to drag you down to it again.  

Not sure if I really have a fourth one at the moment?  Mostly because Tales is actually more than one fandom, I'm just grouping them all together.  I'm also currently on the fence of what to do after I finish Graces, because on one hand, I will have a shiny new gaming laptop tomorrow which I can replay the psx version of Phantasia on (or even find Destiny or Eternia on for replaying?  It's been so long and I've needed to replay those games for a while now).  On the other hand, I also have Xillia, plus the other PS3 Tales games I can buy (Xillia 2, Hearts, and apparently both Symphonia games I need to replay) and I've kind of wanted a replay of Zesty and Berseria.  And given how long all of these fuckers are, this ends up being a massive conundrum.  

🍓 how is the pandemic treating you?

So, you know how a lot of people have had major stress because their job stopped paying them properly and/or were layed off, had money issues, and anxiety/depression combo?  Yeah, I've had all of that several months in advance from everyone else, then had to watch as other people also went through all of that, knowing they were just starting what I was going through.  It's not been fun.  At least China has actual control over Covid at the moment though, so I managed a quick trip to Shanghai which was fun.  If it weren't for the pollution, I'd love to live in Shanghai, not gonna lie.  The city made a pretty big impression on me and seems to be more of a San Francisco/Austin sort of vibe.

🍓 song you can’t stop listening right now?

Honestly, screaming/crying through the lyrics of Rent was how I survived quarentine.  The lack of getting paid and living through disease combo plus a side of Queer really worked for me.  Right now though, I've kind of been on a Carole King kick?  Tapestry has been in my head a lot.  

🍓 recommend a movie.

Willow.  Because Willow is just, so good.  

🍓 how old are you?

Too old to deal with the fact that my new job wants to force me to live on the 7th floor with no elevator.  Yeah, trying to work around that right now.  

🍓 school, university, occupation, other?

University professor now.  That's right, I'm now working at a University. May be temporary though, depending on the aforementioned 7th floor business.  Mostly because I like breathing, which I can't do very well in this climate's humidity while exercising.  It'd be different if like, the stair well was air conditioned (I'm out of shape and would hate it, but I could breath), but if the building don't have an elevator, I know the answer to that...

🍓 do you prefer hot or cold?

Cold.  Yes, I live too close to the equator for my own good.  Sadly, until the pollution problem goes away, it's as far north as I can live in China.

🍓 name one fact others may not know about you.

I...  always never have any idea what to say to this sort of question.  I don't really hide things.  Like, I'm sure things just, haven't been mentioned, but like, I never know what those are?  Like, the top things I can think of that I just don't talk about often are that I travelled around the world preforming with Up With People and that I love murder mysteries (not true crime.  Give me a proper Agatha Christie).  

🍓 are you shy?

No, not really.  I'm quiet a lot of times, which is very different from shy, even though a lot of people don't understand that.  I've never had a problem chatting with new people or what not, but in a large group if I don't have anything I actually want to add to a conversation, I won't talk very much.  Which doesn't mean I'm not listening, or that if I have something to say, I won't try to speak up, but just...  don't really need to most of the time.

🍓 what are your pronouns?

she/her

🍓 any pet peeves?

Another question I never really know how to answer.  Like, I'm sure I have them.  I'm just generally pretty easy going.  At the moment, I suppose female characters who's defining characteristic is that they're in love with a dense protag.  Anaden and Graces have been giving me an overdose on those lately.

🍓 what’s your favorite “dere” type?

...I think the only one I actually know is tsundere and I wasn't aware there were more than that.  

🍓 rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

5ish.  Was doing better, but then now on top of everything else, I also need to buy a new phone... that's not from China.  Which is a lot more difficult when I can't hop the boarder.  I actually have to return the phone I just bought because despite what they promised me, googleplay doesn't work at all.  So now I have to figure out how to buy a Hong Kong phone without actually being able to go to Hong Kong.

🍓 what’s your main blog?

Random.

🍓 list your side blogs and what they are used for.

I only have Vengeancedragon, which is used incredibly rarely and is mostly for contemplating Vengeance.  

🍓 is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

A friend once told me that the fact my mother put Spock ears on me and took me to a scifi convention when I was 6 months old explained everything about me.  I'm not sure if it explains Everything, but it does explain a lot.  XD

[ckret2]

Ghidorah prompts! climbing a mountain, first flights, passing requirements, annnd “Dancing Queen” by ABBA

EDIT: I’ve tried to insert a read more half a dozen times. I’ve tried on both mobile and desktop, in both the normal text editor and HTML mode. Tumblr refuses to let me. I apologize for the length.

Edit 2: What’s up it’s three months later and not only will tumblr still not let me insert a read more, it also deleted the text from the original ask when I tried to edit the post. Lucky for tumblr I predicted it would do that and copy/pasted the ask! Tumblr’s a shit show.

Did you want angst? You’re getting angst. Backstory angst. With climbing a mountain + first flights. Although not impossible, it’d be pretty hard to write angst to “Dancing Queen.” I’ve been trying to hammer out my personal Ghidorah backstory headcanons, so this gave me a good opportunity to test them out.

I see Showa’s “Ghidorah is a terrible space invader who compulsively destroys planets and keeps getting mind-controlled by aliens” and Heisei’s “Ghidorah is an experiment fusing together three adorable empathic dragon-kittens whose original purpose was being loving pets” and I raise you a “why don’t we have both?” Ghidorah is basically three 500-foot-tall kittens at this point in history so they’re less RAAAH and more weeeh.

I’m… probably not taking new King Ghidorah fic prompts at this point, due to the fact that I’ve got six asks and five replies with prompts. … Unless you’ve got one you’ve really really really gotta share. EDIT: And, of course, I always take fic prompts via ko-fi, hint hint.

###

STAND UP AND TRY AGAIN

###

They flap twice, dragging their massive body into the air, feet lifting off the peak of the artificial mountain for the first time that day; but they feel far too large for this, and their balance is wrong, and as they try to stabilize themselves somebody takes control that he shouldn’t have. Their wings pump out of sync. They crash into the mountain and tumble to the ground.

The starry black sky and cold white dust spin dizzily around their faces. Shards of gold in their peripheral visions clatter around, like a kaleidoscope made from their own body. They shut their eyes, one head at a time, waiting for the spinning to stop.

A voice in their head commands, GET UP, and they are powerless not to obey. PATHETIC! CLIMB BACK UP AND TRY AGAIN.

Only one of them opens his eyes. It’s easier that way, without three different views tangling together, making the landscape throb like a migraine.

Slowly, they roll back over. Moving their body is like three different people trying to control the same marionette, each reaching out to grab a string and tug on a knee or a wrist or hip or neck, without any practice or instructions. Usually, one of them will grab hold of a muscle, tense it a moment to make sure no one else is trying to use it at the same time, and only then gradually move it. It’s slow going. A day where they do nothing but stand upright and raise their wings can leave them sore and exhausted from moving so slowly and holding their muscles so tightly.

Just standing isn’t good enough today. FASTER! Their masters think they should be better at this—better at everything—by now. They feel their masters’ forced patience turn to frustration and disappointment more and more frequently. They try to move faster.

One claims control of one wing. One claims the other. One controls one leg. Maybe like this? Take one big piece, instead of a single muscle, and focus only on that. Take turns. Crawl uphill jerkily. One leg, uncontrolled, is dragging; one of them takes control of both that leg and a wing, alternating between them. He loses their rhythm, they try to lift both wings at the same time, and their long necks and heads flop into the mountainside.

White dust puffs up and settles on their scales.

They consider staying there.

GET BACK UP!

They get back up.

It’s easier with one of them controlling both legs and the others sharing the wings.

They miss being small. They miss being separate. They miss living inside. They miss having pillows. They miss cooked food. They miss short necks. They miss when their heads didn’t throb and their muscles didn’t ache. They miss when their minds were their own. They miss walking and flying and moving without having to think about it. They miss when the masters and owners around them sometimes felt happy, instead of angry and frustrated and burning with a long simmering wrath. They miss their owner, who would pet them and smile at them and love them.

They’re at the top of the mountain.

AGAIN. STAY STRAIGHT THIS TIME. The master feels irritated already, already convinced they’re going to fail. As if it’s so easy! How would all of them like being stitched into a three-headed monster and yelled at to do a hand stand?

Their burst of rage synchronizes them. Their wings spread wide and slam down. It’s the hardest they’ve ever flapped. They shoot into the air. Dust devils twirl down the mountainside.

They feel the masters’ fear.

Their anger pounds in their throats like a heartbeat, and each time it pounds they flap again, lifting higher, straining through the thin atmosphere toward the stars, like they can escape to another world…

The anger drains away.

They crash back down to the mountain.

It takes a long time before the dust settles and they can again see the artificial white hill with its glimmering black windows where the masters are watching. The masters’ fear is giving way to excitement, amazement, joy.

They think it felt better when the masters were afraid.

That thought scares them. They don’t know which one of them the thought comes from. That scares them even more.

But the masters are happy now. They have accomplished their given task and are exhausted by the effort. Maybe they’re done for the day, now that the masters are happy? Maybe they can go home at last, curl up on the ground between the fences, and sleep?

THIS TIME, TRY GLIDING.

Their heads droop.

But they’ll try to obey. They have no choice.

###

Comments/reblogs are welcome! Check the “source” link below for my masterlist of Ghidorah-centric and Rodorah fics, as well as my AO3 and Ko-fi links.