#Desert Bluffs!Earl

[takavasen]

Things i wish/want to see in wtnv

-Cecil and Carlos communicating properly for once

(Edit: i wrote this in a way that it sounds like i think they never communicate, that wasn't what i meant. I was talking about Carlos not telling Cecil about his past, especially the ten year DOW situation. Sorry for confusion, they have a healthy realtionship and i know it)

-Cecil's father lore

-More "Night vale exists in real world now" story

-Kevin

-Charles and Donovan lore

-Tamika Flynn snapping and going full militia leader mode one last time

-Character appearences: Huntokar, Earl Harlan, Fay, Janice, Erikas

-KEVIN

[nautilidea]

Night Vale (and Desert Bluffs) citizens with animal ears!

[favourablekat]

[022423]

[thevoiceofdesertbluffs]

and another. Featuring relationships with people who will either try to kill eachother, destroy the world, or both.

[lovebunnie]

some cecil facts for people who dont know who he is or havent listened in a while :)

he is jewish

hes been married to his husband for 7 years

they have an adopted son

he has a niece named janice

and a dog named aubergine

he didnt age for an unspecific number of years (around a century) but recently has begun to age again

he was a boy scout and maybe a bit of a gay thing with his best friend earl harlan who still has feelings for cecil even if cecil is oblivious

he has a cat!

hes totally normal and not at all different from any other cat you may know. as normal as any cat from night vale can be

he has really prominent mommy issues

like as in, she used to literally hide from cecil for days and then she died when he was a young adult and his older sister abby raised him and it put a strain on their relationship where abby resented cecil for needing to be raised and cecil resented her for not being their mother (theyre also doing better now)

theres a sorta other world called ‘desert bluffs’ where cecils evil doppelganger named kevin works and they used to fucking HATE each other but more recently, things have mellowed. kinda. well atleast on kevins side i think

cecil never knew his father but its starting to seem like his dad is a tree..?

he has a fear of mirrors and doesnt know what he looks like or how old he is because his mother told him ‘someday you will die cecil. and it will involve a mirror’ normal!

he smokes weed and plays VR

[kerink]

there's a lot aside from the csa implication in guidelines for disposal that make it one of my favorite episodes: the expansion on cecil's family, him grappling with internalized homophobia, the implication he and earl did hook up, cecil being haunted by visions of a fox (makes eye contact with the desert bluffs fans), his budding alcoholism, his having been bullied in school, the fact that to this day he still hides in the condemned remains of his childhood home when things get too much for him

but mostly that I discovered beneath the floorboards of my office under layers of cement bricks, chains, and padlocks, as if someone wanted to keep it sealed forever

[polish-lyric-translations]

Welcome to Night Vale - Polish translation (Witajcie w Night Vale)

Not a song but hey. It's fun to do

Episode 1 - Pilot

Przyjazna pustynna społeczność, gdzie słońce świeci gorąco, księżyc jest piękny, a tajemnicze światła przemieszczają się nad naszymi głowami gdy udajemy, że śpimy.

Witajcie w Night Vale...

Witajcie, słuchacze. Na początek zostałem poproszony o przeczytanie tej krótkiej wiadomości. Rada Miejska ogłosiła otwarcie nowego parku dla psów, na rogu ulic Earl i Summerset, w pobliżu Ralphs (1). Pragną też wszystkim przypomnieć, że psom nie wolno wchodzić do parku dla psów. Ludziom - również nie wolno wchodzić do parku dla psów. Można zobaczyć zakapturzone postacie w parku dla psów. Nie zbliżaj się do nich. Nie zbliżaj się do parku dla psów. Płot jest pod wysokim napięciem i jest bardzo niebezpieczny. Spróbuj nie patrzeć na park dla psów, a w szczególności nie patrz się na zakapturzone postacie, przez żaden okres czasu. Park dla psów cię nie skrzywdzi.

A teraz wiadomości. Starsza Pani Josie, mieszkająca niedaleko parkingu samochodowego, mówi, że objawiły jej się Anioły. Mówi, że mają 3 metry wzrostu, promienieją, a jeden z nich jest czarnoskóry. Mówi, że pomagają jej w różnych pracach domowych. Jeden z nich zmienił jej żarówkę, w lampie na ganku. Oferuje odsprzedać zużytą żarówkę, która była dotknięta przez Anioła (dodaje, że był to czarnoskóry Anioł, jeśli do dla kogoś ważne). Jeżeli jesteś zainteresowany, skontaktuj się ze Starszą Panią Josie. Powinna być przy parkingu.

Dzisiaj w mieście pojawił się nowy człowiek. Kim może on być? I czego od nas chce? Czemu on, z jego idealną i piękną fryzurą? Z jego idealnym i pięknym kitlem? Mówi, że jest naukowcem. Cóż... Każdy z nas był swojego czasu naukowcem, w pewnym momencie życia. Ale dlaczego teraz? Dlaczego tutaj? I co planuje robić z tymi wszystkimi zlewkami i buczącymi elektrycznymi instrumentami, w tym laboratorium, które wynajmuje tym koło Pizzy u Dużego Rico. Nikt nie robi takich kawałków jak Duży Rico. Nikt.

A teraz małe przypomnienie dla wszystkich rodziców. Pomówmy o bezpieczeństwie, kiedy przychodzi do zabierania swoich dzieci, żeby bawiły się w ciernistych zaroślach i piaszczystych pustkowiach. Należy zapewnić by miały ze sobą dużo wody, upewnić się że w pobliżu znajduje się drzewo żucajace cień i regularnie sprawdzać kolory krążących po niebie helikopterów. Czy te nieoznaczone helikoptery są czarne? Prawdopodobnie to Rząd Światowy, niezbyt dobry teren do zabawy tego dnia. Czy są niebieskie? To Sekretna Policja Szeryfa, będą pilnować twoich dzieci i prawdopodobnie żadnego nie zabiorą. Czy są na nich namalowane skomplikowane murale przedstawiające polujące ptaki łowne? Nikt nie wie czym są te helikoptery, ani czego tu chcą. Nie bawcie się na tym terenie. Wróćcie do domu i zamknijcie drzwi, aż nie pojawi się jeden z oficerów Sekretnej Policji Szeryfa i nie zostawi goździka na ganku, aby dać znać, że zagrożenie minęło. Zasłoń uszy by zagłuszyć krzyki. A także pamiętaj: Gatorade (2) to w zasadzie napój gazowany, więc daj swoim dzieciom tylko wodę, może być z kawałkami pomarańczy, kiedy wychodzą żeby się pobawić.

Komercyjny samolot pasażerski przelatujący dzisiaj przez naszą przestrzeń powietrzną zniknął i pojawił się chwilę później na sali gimnastycznej Szkoły Podstawowej w Night Vale podczas treningu koszykówki, doprowadzając do dużego zamętu. Silniki zahuczały w małej sali przez jedynie ułamek sekundy i, zanim cokolwiek stało się graczom lub budynkowi, zniknął ponownie, tym razem już na dobrze. Nie dostałem jeszcze żadnej wiadomości czy i jak może to wpłynąć na plan gier Górskich Lwów Night Vale, lub czy może to być sprawka ich zaciekłych rywali - Kaktusów Desert Bluffs. Desert Bluffs zawsze chce nas zawstydzić pokazując się w lepszych strojach, sprzedając lepsze przekąski przed grą i, całkiem prawdopodobnie, poprzez przeniesienie samolotu na naszą salę gimnastyczną, doprowadzając do co najmniej kilkuminutowego opóźnienia podczas treningu. Co za wstyd, Desert Bluffs, co za wstyd.

Ten nowy naukowiec, wiemy już że ma na imię Carlos, zwołał zebranie miasta. Ma kwadratową szczękę i zęby jak cmentarz wojskowy. Jego włosy są idealne i my wszyscy ich nienawidzimy i gubią nas w równym stopniu te idealne włosy. Starsza Pani Josie przyniósła ryżane mufinki, które były z porządku, ale brakowało w nich soli. Powiedziała mi, że Anioły zabrały jej sól na Boską Misję i po prostu nie miała czasu dokupić więcej. Carlos powiedział nam że jesteśmy zdecydowanie najbardziej naukowo interesującą społecznością w Stanach i że przyjechał zbadać o co w tym wszystkim chodzi. Uśmiechnął się szeroko i wszystko w nim było idealne i zakochałem się od razu. Agenci z nieznanej acz niepokojącej agencji rządowej, ubrani na czarno, obserwowali. Boję się o Carlosa. Boję się o Night Vale. Boję się o wszystkich złapanych w ogień krzyżowy pomiędzy tym co znają, a tym czego jeszcze nie poznali.

Dostaliśmy komunikat prasowy tego rana. Stowarzyszenie Biznesów Night Vale z dumą ogłasza otwarcie zupełnie nowego Portu i Nadmorskiej Przestrzeni Rekreacyjnej w Night Vale. Osobiście pojawiłem się w tych placówkach jako, że dostałem zaproszenie, mogę wam powiedzieć że są absolutnie fenomenalne i piękne. Wytrzymałe przestrzenie do dokowania statków zrobione z przyjaznych naturze materiałów z recyklingu. Promenada dla pieszych i pełno stoisk przygotowanych dla miejscowych sprzedawców, gotowe by stać się gwarnym targiem. Cóż, oczywiście są pewne obawy spowodowane faktem, że znajdujemy się po środku pustyni i nie graniczymy z żadnym ciałem wody. I to jest zdecydowanie minus, muszę się zgodzić. Na przykład, z promenady jest jedynie widok na suche krzewy i kamienie. Stowarzyszenie Biznesów nie zaproponowało żadnego konkretnego rozwiązania tego problemu, ale zapewniło mnie, że mimo wszystko nowy port będzie dużym wzmocnieniem Night Vale. Może poczekajmy do gwałtownej powodzi i wtedy udajmy się tam, aby w pełni doświadczyć posiadania nabrzeża.

Lokalny wydział Narodowego Stowarzyszenia Strzeleckiego Ameryki sprzedaje naklejki samochodowe jako część ich tygodnia zbierania środków. Wysłali jedną do stacji w zamian za promocję wydarzenia, a jako że jesteśmy tutaj dla społeczności - cieszę się, że mogę was o nim informować. Naklejki są zrobione z dobrego, porządnego winylu, a napisane na nich jest: "Pistolety nie zabijają ludzi. Niemożliwe jest być zabitym przez pistolet. Wszyscy jesteśmy niewrażliwi na kule i to cud." Stań przed drzwiami swojego domu i krzyknij NSSA, żeby jedną zamówić.

Carlos i jego zespół naukowców ostrzegają, że jeden z domów na nowym osiedlu Desert Creek, za szkołą podstawową, tak naprawdę nie istnieje. "Wygląda jakby istniał," wytłumaczył Carlos i jego idealne włosy. "To coś jakby, jest dokładnie tam gdzie powinien być gdy na niego spojrzysz i znajduje się pomiędzy dwoma identycznymi domami, więc miałoby to większy sens gdyby tam był niż gdyby tam go nie było." Ale, jak mówi, przeprowadzili eksperymenty i tego domu z pewnością tam nie ma. W czasie trwania tych wiadomości, naukowcy zbili się w grupę na chodniku przed nieistniejącym domem, żucając sobie nawzajem wyzwanie żeby zapukać do drzwi.

Głośne wycie dało się usłyszeć z budynku poczty w Night Vale zeszłej nocy. Pracownicy poczty twierdzą, że o niczym nie wiedzą, ale przechodnie opisali ten dźwięk jako brzmiący "jakby ludzka dusza niszczona przez Mroczny Artefakt". Indiański Tropiciel - dobrze, nie wiem czy kiedykolwiek widzieliście tego gościa. To ten który wygląda na, być może, Słowianina, a mimo to nosi indiańskie nakrycie głowy ściągnięte prosto z jakiejś rasistowskiej karykatury i twierdzi, że potrafi czytać tropy z asfaltu. Pojawił się na miejscu zdarzenia i twierdzi, że odkryje prawdę. Nikt nic na to nie odpowiedział, bo trochę trudno go brać na poważnie w tym stroju.

Światła - te widziane nad Arby's (3). Nie neonowy znak nad wejściem. Coś wyżej, poza tym. Znamy różnicę. Załapaliśmy ich grę. Rozumiemy grę świateł nad Arby's. Najeźdźcy z innego świata. Panie i panowie, przyszłość już tu jest. I jest około 30 metrów nad Arby's.

Carlos i jego naukowcy w stacji monitorującej koło Drogi 800 mówią, że zbierają odczyty sugerujące nagłe zmiany sejsmiczne, co znaczy tyle, że ziemia powinna była się nieustannie trząść. Nie wiem jak u was, ale u mnie ziemia jest tak spokojna, jak tylko mogłaby być skorupa maleńkiego globu pędzącego przez nieskończoną zimną pustkę. Carlos mówi, że dwukrotnie sprawdzili urządzenia i są w idealnym stanie. Mówiąc szczerze, zdaje się, że tutaj, w Night Vale, mają miejsce katastrofalne trzęsienia ziemi, których absolutnie nikt nie jest w stanie odczuć. No cóż, mimo wszystko złóżcie wniosek o ubezpieczenie. Zobaczcie, co można zyskać, prawda?

Pora na ruch drogowy, słuchacze. Policja ostrzega o samochodach-widmach na autostradach - samochodach widocznych jedynie w oddali, osiągających niewyobrażalną prędkość, z nieznanych miejsc docelowe do celów bardziej nieznanych. Chce wam przypomnieć, że nie powinniście ustalać prędkości na podstawie tych widm, gdyż takie postępowanie nie będzie uznawane za jechanie zgodnie z sytuacją na drodze. Twierdzą jednak, że prawdopodobnie bezpiecznie jest dopasować prędkość do tajemniczych świateł na niebie, ponieważ odpowiedzialne za nie podmioty lub organizacje wydają się być ostrożnymi i rozsądnymi kierowcami.

A teraz, pora na pogodę.

[piosenka]

Witajcie z powrotem, słuchacze.

Słońce nie zaszło dzisiaj o odpowiedniej porze, jak informują Carlos i jego naukowcy. Są tego całkowicie pewni, sprawdzili kilka zegarów i słońce z pewnością zaszło o 10 minut później niż powinno. Zapytałem ich czy mieli jakieś wytłumaczenie dla tego zjawiska, ale nie mieli nic twardego. Głównie to siedzieli w kółku wokół zegara, patrząc się na niego i mrucząc coś do siebie. Mimo to, powinniśmy być wdzięczni, że w ogóle mamy Słońce. Łatwo o tym zapomnieć w tym gorącym, gorącym, pustynnym klimacie, ale bez słońca byłoby nam nieco trudniej. Następnym razem, gdy wzejdzie słońce, niezależnie od tego, jaka to będzie pora, poświęćmy chwilę, aby poczuć wdzięczność za całe ciepło i światło, a nawet tak ekstremalny upał, jakim obdarzona jest nasza pustynna społeczność.

Rada Miejska pragnie przypomnieć o poziomach Nieba i hierarchii Aniołów. Przypomnienie brzmi - nie powinieneś nic widzieć na ten temat. Struktura nieba i jego hierarchia są informacjami zastrzeżonymi, znanymi jedynie członkom Rady Miejskiej, z konieczności. Prosimy, aby nie wspominać ani rozmawiać z żadnymi Aniołami, na które możesz natknąć się podczas zakupów w Ralphs lub w Kręgielni i Salonie Gier Desert Flower. Zawszę kłamią i nie istnieją. Zgłaszaj wszystkie obserwacje Aniołów Radzie Miejskiej w celu leczenia.

A teraz szybka informacja społeczna . Aligatory. Czy potrafią zabić dziecko? Tak.

Tak na marginesie, według mojej osobistej opinii, myślę, że najlepszy sposób żeby umrzeć to zostać połkniętym przez wielkiego węża. Znalezienie się w tej mokrej paszczy stopami do przodu dałoby twojemu życiu idealną symetrię.

A mówiąc o Kręgielni i Salonie Gier Desert Flower, jej właściciel Teddy Williams, informuje że znalazł przejście do wielkiego podziemnego miasta za maszyną do ustawiania kręgli alejki 5. Powiedział, że jeszcze się tam nie zapuścił, a jedynie patrzył w dół na dziwne iglice i szerokie aleje. Donosi także o głosach odległego tłumu w głębi podziemnej metropolii. Najwyraźniej wejście odkryto, gdy przypadkowo wtoczyła się w nie kula do kręgli, uderzając w miasto poniżej, a dźwięki rozniosły się echem przez niemożliwie ogromną jaskinię na wiele kilometrów. Więc, kimkolwiek jest populacja tego miasta, wiedzą o nas już teraz i być może wkrótce usłyszymy o nich.

Carlos, idealny i piękny, przyszedł do naszego studia podczas ostatniej przerwy, ale nie chciał zostać na wywiad. W dłoniach trzymał coś w rodzaju mrugającego pudełka, pokrytego drutami i rurkami. Powiedział, że bada to miejsce pod kątem materiałów. Nie wiem, jakie materiały miał na myśli, ale to pudełko z pewnością gwizdało i piszczało. Kiedy przyłożył go blisko mikrofonu, zabrzmiało to tak, jakby właśnie obudziła się grupa piskląt. Naprawdę zwariowało. Carlos wyglądał na zestresowanego. Nigdy nie widziałem takiej miny u kogoś z tak mocną szczęką. Wyszedł w pośpiechu. Kazał nam ewakuować budynek, ale kto by wtedy tak słodko do was mówił. Szykuje się kolejny pogodny i ładny wieczór w Night Vale. Mam nadzieję, że wszyscy macie kogoś, z kim możecie przespać to wszystko lub przynajmniej dobre wspomnienia z czasu kiedy tak było.

Dobranoc, słuchacze. Dobranoc.

(1) Ralphs - Amerykańska sieć supermarketów z Kalifornii.

(2) Gatorade - napój izotoniczny.

(3) Wendy's - Amerykańska sieć fast-foodów.

Bonus (things that I haven't translated):

Night Vale - Nocna Dolina

Desert Bluffs - Pustynne Urwisko (albo Pustynne Mydlenie Oczu)

[kevin--of-desert-bluffs]

WTNV quick rundown - 100 - Toast

I'm not lying when I say this episode contains almost if not every single character we've been introduced to thus far.

More rundowns here!

I know many of you have a few things you’d like to say. So let me start things off. Welcome to Night Vale.

This episode's focus is on Cecil and Carlos' wedding, or at least the after ceremony toast section.

The first person to speak is Leonard Burton, ex radio host, ex Cecil's boss and very confused as to why he's 'suddenly' there and apparently making a toast. He has no idea why he's there, but comments that Cecil looks like he hasn't aged a day since he started to work for Leonard.

The FOW also gives a toast, though she mostly talks about herself. She is covered in blood and is able to drink despite not having a mouth. She is allergic to mice, so recommends that people eat them themselves if they want to keep infestations at bay.

Diane's speech is very quick because Josh has a dance recital and grew several extra legs just for the occasion.

John Peters (you know, the farmer?) comments that he believes the whole world is just a manifestation of his inability to believe that nothing actually exists but congrats anyway.

Deb plugs Ritz Crackers in her toast.

Michelle and Maureen give a speech together. Michelle says she guesses that being happy is popular and isn't that upset that she's also happy and therefore like everyone else. She also says she went to a Katy Perry concert where Katy peeled off her own skin, plucked out her heart and batted it towards her backup dancers. Maureen says she's not angry any more and she once tried to be happy when she was 13 but gave up when she noticed everyone was copying her.

Maggie and Donald Penebaker give an almost normal toast except it's still phone like and ends with reminding everyone to pay their electric bills.

Kevin and Lauren also do a toast together, via videolink. Lauren says she wandered dry-lipped and starving through an endless looping desert until finally coming upon Desert Bluffs Too where it was explained to her that Strex is no longer in charge, Kevin is. Kevin mentions how he's been told that they'll all attack him if he tries to come back to NV and that as welcoming as that sounds he's far too busy. He's also obviously gleeful about Lauren's misfortune and new status under him. They then 'smile' which causes mass panic and a cry to turn the video off.

Melony says she's fixed Computer, who prints out a picture of a gift wrapped box. Earl says he made the cake and was happy to do so. Melony says she has no idea who he is, even though he's sitting next to her and Earl says they've been friends for years and came to the wedding together. Given that Melony forgets Cecil whilst talking to him, it's likely Earl is right.

During Tamika's speech we hear Basimah calling out admiringly. Tamika reads a book passage.

Dana and Pamela make a speech together, with Pamela being her usual self and Dana translating it into a 'congratulations'.

They then 'move' because of the weather: "Second Song" by Joseph Fink.

Old Woman Josie tells us that Cecil wasn't good at bowling when he joined their team, but he was so friendly and entertaining that they let him stay and he soon got better at it. She also reveals that the Hall of Public Records has a list of everyone's death dates.

Steve's toast is more like a tradiational toast. He says he loves Cecil and Carlos both and is very happy for them.

Carlos talks about how he finds it hard to talk about his feelings because they're not logical facts, which he understands better. He mentions how he had throat surgery and that's why he sounds different now but his feelings are the same. He says he's glad he made that call for personal reasons.

Cecil sings Carlos' praises and says that everything is better now Carlos is there. He also says that Carlos' love of science is inspiring and also deeply erotic.

Stay tuned next for a drunk, newly married couple, long after all the well-wishers have left, piling up bags of garbage and stacking chairs in a rented banquet hall because they want to get their deposit back.

And good night, Night Vale, and every person who can hear my voice. Good night.

Proverb: "It's always darkest before the dawn, we are often reassured by people who are totally wrong about how the sun works."

[takavasen]

NIGHT VALE SHITPOST TIME!!!!!

GOOGLE TRANSLATED WTNV EPISODE!!!

I put the transcript of the first episode of Welcome to Night Vale to google translate and translated it to 16 random languages and back to English, the result is under the cut

As we pass by we see magnificent scenery in the valley, sun, beautiful moon and mysterious sleeping light. Welcome to the valley of the night.

Hello listeners. First of all, I want you to read this short article. City Hall has announced the opening of a new dog park at Earl and Somerset streets near Ralph. Please note that dogs are not allowed in the dog park. There is no one in the zoo. You can see a picture of him wearing a t-shirt instead of a cat. Do not approach them. Don’t go to the dog park. Hedging is optional and risky. There are no swarms of dogs, especially in the second enclosed room. A dog park won’t hurt you.

And now it’s popular. An angel appeared to old Josie near the park. It is said to be 10 feet long and shiny, one black. He said it would help the family. One had changed the lights, the other is standing on the porch. He offers an old light bulb with an angel (a dark angel, if that makes sense) for sale. Contact Lazken Jozi if interested. Located close to parking.

Today there are new people in town. WHO? Why is your hair so perfect and beautiful? What do you want from us? Why did you choose a shirt? He called himself a scientist. In fact, everyone has learned this at some point in their lives. ok now what? why are you here So what does he do with lights and lights in a rented lab and Big Rico pizza? Nobody does fries like Big Rico. It’s not like that.

A little reminder to all parents. Talk about safety when you take your kids outside to play in the sun. You need to drink plenty of water, make sure there are trees in the shade, and pay attention to the color of the helicopter.

Masked helicopter flying in the dark? Maybe the World Cup was not the place for the day. Black is the sheriff's undercover cop who keeps your kids safe and rarely picks them up. Or beautiful paintings of birds of prey? No one knows what these helicopters are or why they are needed.

Don’t give up. Go back to your house and lock the door so the secret police can put a stick on your front door as a sign of distress. Deafening sounds. Remember: Gatorade is a must, give your kids water and maybe an orange while they play.

However, the disappearance of a commercial airliner from the air today during a football drill in the Knights Vale Primary School gym, makes the drill much more dangerous. The plane re-entered the small apartment complex and disappeared completely, this time not touching any toys or buildings.

How this will affect the software is still unknown. Whether it is a mountain lion depends on competitors like the desert lion. Desert Bluffs tries to show us nice clothes before the scavenger hunt begins, and we hit the gym and stop working out for a few minutes. Cheating in the desert is very bad. Shame on you.

New scientist Carlos is summoned to a meeting in the town. It had jaws and teeth square like a war corpse. We are perfect hair and we both hate and love imperfect hair. Josie's grandmother made a delicious soup. The angel said that he had bought his life to serve God, and he could no longer buy it.

… Carlos told us that we were a very interesting company in the United States and that I was here to find out what was going on. She smiled and everything was perfect and he loved her. A government agent returns to the ministry from a secret but dangerous ceremony. I'm afraid of Charles. I am afraid of the desert at night. Human fear is deficient in what it knows, but does not know, but does not know;

We have news this morning. The Knights Vale Chamber of Commerce is pleased to announce the restoration of the Knights Valley Waterfront fence and marina. I recently stayed in their guest house and I can say it is very good and upscale. The dock is designed with environmentally friendly materials after long use. Many pedestrianized streets are ready to be

transformed into public markets filled with local vendors and vendors.

Some people are now afraid that the sea is not real because we are in the middle. This is incorrect, and I agree with that. For example, nowadays you see grass and rocks on the road. The consortium didn’t give me a definitive answer to this question, but said the new station would greatly improve Night Valley. Maybe wait until it's all over and try to head to the crowded beach.

Local NRA chapters are selling flyers as part of the fundraising week. They sent someone to camp to remind us, and we’re here to help the community, so I want to tell you everything. The sticker, made from durable vinyl, reads: “Guns don’t kill, guns don’t kill. We're not all indexed, which is a miracle." She stands at the front door and shouts "NRA" to interview someone.

Carlos and his research team discovered that one of the homes behind the new Desert Creek Elementary School building was indeed missing. "South," Carlos glossed with his hair. "When you look at it, it's still there, and it's between those two houses, so it feels like it's not there."

However, they said some tests needed to be done and he was not home. At a press conference, investigators gathered on the sidewalk in front of an empty house. Stand up and knock each other's courage.

A public protest was held at the Bali post office yesterday. The postman said he did not recognize it, but a passerby described the sound as "soulful black magic."

Indian Tracker - I don't know if you've seen this guy. The man appears to be of Slavic origin, but wears an Indian pantomime badge and claims to be able to read street signs. He introduced himself and promised to find the truth. No one can answer why it's hard to take Cnm seriously.

You can see the lights in the sky above Arby. This is not an Arby's brand. Something deep and far away. We know the difference. We got into their game. We know Team Arbi is at the top. Citizens of another country. The future of women and men has arrived. It's about 100 feet above Arby's.

Carlos and his researchers at the monitoring station off Highway 800 say their seismography shows strong shaking, meaning the ground must have moved with each drop. I don't know about you, but the Earth is still like a ball of ice floating in an endless storm.

Carlos said both screens have been tested and are in good condition. And there seems to be a terrible earthquake no one has ever heard of in Nightvale. Then you apply for insurance. Check out what we have here.

Aeneas tempor, mi a ultricies. Police are now warning of so-called road ghosts - vehicles that appear from afar and move at unexpected speeds, causing people to lose track of where they are going. We would like to remind you that you should not base your speed on this data base and should not take it into account when adjusting traffic flow.

However, a more precise skylight speed regulation is recommended, as all the facilities or companies responsible for emissions seem to be paying attention and listening to the drivers.

The time is now.

Welcome to the audience.

Carlos and his research team reported an unusual sunset today. I'm pretty sure it was ten minutes after several hours of watching. I asked if they had an account and of course they didn’t. Most of them are sitting opposite each other on the field complaining and hugging each other 24 hours a day.

But we have a full day to be thankful for. It's easy to forget it's so hot in the desert, but without the sun it's hard for us. It’s a time after sunrise, anytime of the day, when warmth, light, and yes, plenty of warmth is felt in our fragmented society.

The whole city wants to be reminded about heaven and the angelic kingdom. The caveat is that you don't need to know anything about it. The position of the heavens and the chart order of the angels are the right of the government to know, and should only be known to the members of the government when necessary.

Do not talk to or thank the angels you encounter while shopping at Ralph's or Desert Flower Bowling Alley. They just lie, they don’t lie. All the angels gathered around the town hall for the memorial service.

Now a short announcement. It’s called the Korma. Could they kill your child? So.

That said, he's long believed that the best way to die is to be eaten by a giant snake. The first leg and every leg is a sticky stick that makes your life more consistent.

When he arrived at Desert Flowers Bowling and Arcade, owner Teddy Williams said Bowling Refer No. He said he found the entrance to the underground city at 1.5 a.m. He says he hasn't made it yet, just look at the amazing castle and the wide streets. It also echoes the sounds of a distant underground city.

When the bullets suddenly strike, the door seems to be found, and it crashes into the city and into a large cave. So you know they live in town, now they know about us and we will hear from them soon.

Carlos, in fine and handsome body, visited our students last chapter, but declined to be interviewed. He carried several transparent boxes filled with wires and tubes. He said he would try these. I don't know what it means, but this box whistled and rattled. When he has the microphone close, the bird seems to wake up.

He was really angry. I could see Carlos panicking. I’ve never seen such a tight knee. Then he ran away. We are told to leave the building, but who is here to talk to you?

Get ready for another great night at Goodbye. I hope everyone slept with someone or made good memories. Hello listeners. Good day.

[drmvraskblog]

A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, listeners.

To start things off, I’ve been asked to read this brief notice:

The City Council announces the opening of a new Dog Park at the corner of Earl and Somerset, near the Ralph’s. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the Dog Park. People are not allowed in the Dog Park.

It is possible you will see Hooded Figures in the Dog Park.

Do not approach them. Do not approach the Dog Park.

The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the Dog Park, and especially do not look for any period of time at the Hooded Figures. The Dog Park will not harm you.

And now, the news.

Old Woman Josie, out near the Car Lot, says the Angels revealed themselves to her. Said they were ten feet tall, radiant, and one of them was black. Said they helped her with various household chores. One of them changed a light bulb for her – the porch light. She’s offering to sell the old light bulb, which has been touched by an Angel. It was the black Angel, if that sweetens the pot for anyone. If you’re interested, contact Old Woman Josie. She’s out near the Car Lot.

A new man came into town today. Who is he? What does he want from us? Why his perfect and beautiful haircut? Why his perfect and beautiful coat? He says he is a scientist. Well…we have all been scientists at one point or another in our lives. But why now? Why here? And just what does he plan to do with all those breakers and humming electrical instruments in that lab he’s renting – the one next to Big Rico’s Pizza?

No one does a slice like Big Rico. No one.

Just a reminder to all the parents out there: let’s talk about safety when taking your children out to play in the scrublands and the sand wastes. You need to give them plenty of water, make sure there’s a shade tree in the area, and keep an eye on the helicopter colors.

Are the unmarked helicopters circling the area black? Probably World Government. Not a good area for play that day.

Are they blue? That’s the Sheriff’s Secret Police. They’ll keep a good eye on your kids, and hardly ever take one.

Are they painted with complex murals depicting birds of prey diving? No one knows what those helicopters are, or what they want. Do not play in the area. Return to your home and lock the doors until a Sheriff’s Secret Policeman leaves a carnation on your porch to indicate that the danger has passed. Cover your ears to blot out the screams.

Also remember: Gatorade is basically soda, so give your kids plain old water and maybe some orange slices when they play.

A commercial airliner flying through local airspace disappeared today, only to reappear in the Night Vale Elementary gymnasium during basketball practice, disrupting practice quite badly. The jet roared through the small gym for only a fraction of a second. And before it could strike any players or structure, it vanished again. This time, apparently, for good.

There is no word yet on if or how this will affect Night Vale Mountain Lions’ game schedule, and also if this could perhaps be the work of their bitter rivals the Desert Bluffs Cacti.

Desert Bluffs is always trying to show us up through fancier uniforms, better pre-game snacks, and possibly by transporting a commercial jet into our gymnasium, delaying practice for several minutes at least.

For shame, Desert Bluffs. For shame.

That new scientist – we now know it’s named Carlos – called a town meeting. He has a square jaw, and teeth like a military cemetery. His hair is perfect, and we all hate, and despair, and love that perfect hair in equal measure.

Old Woman Josie brought corn muffins which were decent, but lacked salt. She said the Angels had taken her salt for a Godly mission, and she hadn’t yet gotten around to buying more.

Carlos told us that we are by far the most scientifically interesting community in the U.S., and he had come to study just what is going on around here. He grinned, and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly.

Government agents from a vague yet menacing agency were in the back, watching. I fear for Carlos. I fear for Night Vale. I fear for anyone caught between what they know and what they don’t yet know that they don’t know.

We received a press release this morning. The Night Vale Business Association is proud to announce the opening of the brand new Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area. I have been to these facilities myself recently on their invitation, and I can tell you that it is absolutely top of the line and beautiful.

Sturdy docking areas made from eco-friendly post-consumer material, a boardwalk for pedestrians, and plenty of stands ready for local food vendors and merchants to turn into a bustling public marketplace.

Now, there is some concern about the fact that, given we are in the middle of a desert, there is no actual water at the waterfront. And that is a definite drawback, I agree.

For instance, the boardwalk is currently overlooking sagebrush and rocks. The Business Association did not provide any specific remedies for this problem, but they assured me that the new harbor would be a big boost to Night Vale nonetheless.

Maybe wait until a flash flood and head down there for the full waterfront experience.

The local chapter of the NRA is selling bumper stickers as part of their fundraising week. They sent the station one to get some publicity. And we’re here to serve the community, so I’m happy to let you all know about it. The stickers are made from good, sturdy vinyl, and they read:

Guns don’t kill people.

It’s impossible to be killed by a gun.

We are all invincible to bullets and it’s a miracle.

Stand outside of your front door and shout “NRA!” to order one.

Carlos and his team of scientists warn that one of the houses in the new development of Desert Creek, out back of the elementary school, doesn’t actually exist.

“It seems like it exists,” explained Carlos and his perfect hair. “Like it’s just right there when you look at it. And it’s between two other identical houses, so it would make more sense for it to be there than not.”

But, he says, they have done experiments and the house is definitely not there. At news time, the scientists are standing in a group on the sidewalk in front of the nonexistent house, daring each other to go knock on the door.

A great howling was heard from the Night Vale Post Office yesterday. Postal workers claim no knowledge, although passers-by describe the sound as being a little like a human soul being destroyed through black magic.

The Indian tracker – now, I don’t know if you’ve seen this guy around. He’s the one that appears to be of maybe Slavic origin, yet wears an Indian headdress out of some racist cartoon and claims to be able to read tracks on asphalt. He appeared on the scene, and swore that he would discover the truth.

No one responded because it’s really hard to take him seriously in that headdress of his.

Lights. Seen in the sky above the Arby’s. Not the glowing sign of Arby’s. Something higher, and beyond that. We know the difference. We’ve caught on to their game. We understand the “lights above Arby’s” game.

Invaders from another world.

Ladies and gentlemen, the future is here, and it’s about 100 feet above the Arby’s.

Carlos and his scientists at the monitoring station near Route 800 say their seismic monitors have been indicating wild seismic shifts – meaning to say that the ground should be going up and down all over the place. I don’t know about you folks, but the ground has been as still as the crust of a tiny globe rocketing through an endless void could be.

Carlos says that they’ve double-checked the monitors and they are in perfect working order. To put it plainly, there appears to be catastrophic earthquakes happening right here in Night Vale that absolutely no one can feel.

Well, submit an insurance claim anyway. See what you can get, right?

Traffic time, listeners.

Now, police are issuing warnings about ghost cars out on the highways, those cars only visible in the distance reaching unimaginable speeds leaving destinations unknown for destinations more unknown. They would like to remind you that you should not set your speed by these apparitions, and doing so will not be considered “following the flow of traffic.”

However, they do say that it’s probably safe to match speed with the mysterious lights in the sky, as whatever entities or organizations responsible appear to be cautious and reasonable drivers.

And now, the weather.

[“These and More Than These” by Joseph Fink]

Welcome back, listeners.

The sun didn’t set at the correct time today, Carlos and his team of scientists report. They’re quite certain about it. They checked multiple clocks and the sun definitely set ten minutes later than it was supposed to.

I asked them if they had any explanations but they did not offer anything concrete. Mostly they sat in a circle around a desk clock, staring at it, murmuring, and cooing.

Still, we must be grateful to have the sun at all. It’s easy to forget in this hot, hot, hot desert climate, but things would actually be slightly harder for us without the sun.

The next time the sun rises, whatever time that turns out to be, take a moment to feel grateful for all the warmth and light and even, yes, extreme heat that our desert community is gifted with.

The City Council would like to remind you about the tiered Heavens, and the hierarchy of Angels. The reminder is that you should not know anything about this.

The structure of Heaven and the organizational chart are privileged information, known only to the City Council members on a need-to-know basis. Please do not speak to or acknowledge any Angels that you may come across while shopping at the Ralph’s or at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. They only tell lies and do not exist.

Report all Angel sightings to the City Council for treatment.

And now a brief public service announcement.

Alligators: can they kill your children?

Yes.

Along those lines, to get personal for a moment, I think the best way to die would be swallowed by a giant snake. Going feet-first and whole into a slimy maw would give your life perfect symmetry.

Speaking of the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, its owner, Teddy Williams, reports that he has found the entrance to a vast underground city in the pin retrieval area of Lane 5. He said he has not yet ventured into it; merely peered down at its strange spires and broad avenues.

He also reports voices of a distant crowd in the depths of that subterranean metropolis. Apparently the entrance was discovered when a bowling ball accidentally rolled into it, clattering down to the city below with sounds that echoed for miles across the impossibly huge cavern.

So, you know, whatever population that city has, they know about us now, and we might be hearing from them very soon.

Carlos, perfect and beautiful, came into our studios during the break earlier but declined to stay for an interview. He had some sort of blinking box in his hand covered with wires and tubes. Said he was testing the place for “materials.”

I don’t know what materials he meant but that box sure whistled and beeped a lot. When he put it close to the microphone it sounded like, well, like a bunch of baby birds had just woken up. Really went crazy.

Carlos looked nervous. I’ve never seen that kind of look on someone with that strong of a jaw. He left in a hurry. Told us to evacuate the building. But then, who would be here to talk to sweetly to all of you out there?

Settling in to be another clear night and pretty evening here in Night Vale. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with. Or, at least, good memories of when you did.

Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight.

Today’s proverb: Look to the north. Keep looking. There’s nothing coming from the south.

Interesting.

[nightvaleptbr]

Ep. 1 - Piloto

Um novo parque para cachorros é inaugurado na cidade. Carlos, um cientista, visita e descobre algumas coisas interessantes. Eventos sísmicos. Também, um guia bastante útil de reconhecimento de helicópteros de vigilância.

[Áudio]

Uma acolhedora comunidade no deserto, onde o sol é quente, a lua é bela, e luzes misteriosas atravessam o céu enquanto todos nós fingimos dormir.Bem-vindo a Night Vale.

[Música]

Olá, ouvintes. Primeiramente, me pediram para ler uma notícia rápida. O Conselho da Cidade anuncia a inauguração de um novo parque para cachorros, na esquina da Earl com a Summerset, perto do Ralphs. Eles gostariam de lembrar a todos que cachorros não são permitidos no parque para cachorros. Pessoas não são permitidas no parque para cachorros. É possível que vocês vejam figuras encapuzadas no parque para cachorros. Não se aproximem delas. Não se aproximem do parque para cachorros. A cerca é eletrificada e altamente perigosa. Tentem não olhar para o parque para cachorros e, principalmente, não olhem, por nenhum período de tempo, para as figuras encapuzadas. O parque para cachorros não lhes fará mal.

E agora, as notícias. A velha Josie do lado da concessionária, diz que os Anjos se revelaram para ela. Ela disse que eles tinham três metros de altura, radiantes, e que um deles era negro. Ela disse que eles a ajudaram com várias tarefas domésticas. Um deles trocou uma lâmpada velha para ela, a lâmpada da varanda. Ela colocou à venda a lâmpada velha, que foi tocada por um anjo (foi o anjo negro, caso isso seja mais atrativo para alguém). Se você tem interesse, contate a velha Josie. Lá ao lado da concessionária.

Um homem chegou à cidade hoje. Quem é ele? O que ele quer de nós? Por que seu cabelo é tão bonito e perfeito? Por que seu casaco é tão bonito e perfeito? Ele diz que é um cientista. Bem, todos nós fomos cientistas em um momento ou outro da vida. Mas por que agora? Por que aqui? E o que exatamente ele planeja fazer com todos aqueles béqueres e instrumentos elétricos ruidosos no laboratório que alugou, aquele perto do Big Rico's Pizza? Ninguém prepara uma fatia como o Big Rico. Ninguém.

Apenas um lembrete para todos os pais por aí. Vamos falar sobre segurança quando levarem seus filhos para brincar no meio do mato ou na areia. Vocês precisam mantê-los hidratados, certifiquem-se de que há árvores de sombra na área, e fiquem atentos às cores dos helicópteros. Os helicópteros não identificados circulando a área são pretos? Provavelmente é o Governo Mundial, não é um bom lugar para brincar no momento. São azuis? Então é a Polícia Secreta do Xerife, eles vão ficar de olho nas suas crianças e quase nunca levam uma delas. Eles são pintados com murais complexos de aves de rapina mergulhando? Ninguém sabe o que são esses helicópteros ou o que querem. Não brinquem na área. Voltem para suas casas e tranquem as portas até que um Oficial da Polícia Secreta do Xerife deixe um cravo na sua varanda avisando que o perigo já passou. Cubram os ouvidos para bloquear os gritos. Ah, e lembrem-se: Gatorade é basicamente refrigerante, então deem para as crianças a boa e velha água e talvez uns pedaços de laranja quando estiverem brincando.

Uma aeronave comercial sobrevoando o espaço aéreo local desapareceu hoje, apenas para reaparecer no ginásio da Escola Fundamental de Night Vale durante o treino de basquete, atrapalhando severamente o treino. O jato passou rugindo pela pequena quadra apenas por uma fração de segundo, e, antes que pudesse atingir os jogadores ou a construção, desapareceu novamente, e, aparentemente, em definitivo dessa vez. Ainda não há um pronunciamento sobre o acontecido ou como isso irá afetar a agenda de jogos dos Leões de Night Vale, nem se isso também poderia ser trabalho de seus amargos rivais, os Cactos de Desert Bluffs. Desert Bluffs está sempre tentando nos intimidar com seus uniformes caros, lanches coletivos melhores, e, muito possivelmente, transportando um jato comercial para dentro do nosso ginásio, atrasando os treinos por vários minutos, no mínimo. Lamentável, Desert Bluffs. Lamentável.

Aquele novo cientista, que agora sabemos que se chama Carlos, pediu uma reunião municipal. Ele tem um maxilar quadrado e dentes como um cemitério militar. Seu cabelo é perfeito, e todos nós odiamos, invejamos e amamos igualmente aquele cabelo perfeito. A velha Josie trouxe muffins de milho, que estavam bons, mas sem sal. Ela disse que os anjos pegaram seu sal para uma Missão Divina e ela ainda não tinha comprado mais. Carlos disse que nós somos, de longe, a comunidade mais cientificamente interessante dos EUA, e que ele tinha que vir estudar o que está acontecendo por aqui. Ele sorriu, e absolutamente tudo nele era perfeito, e eu me apaixonei instantaneamente. Agentes governamentais de uma agência sutil, porém ameaçadora, estavam nos fundos, observando. Eu temo por Carlos. Eu temo por Night Vale. Eu temo por cada um que se vê entre aquilo que sabe e aquilo que ainda não sabe que não sabe.

Nós recebemos uma publicação essa manhã. A Associação Corporativa de Night Vale tem orgulho de anunciar a inauguração do novíssimo em folha Porto e Área de Recreação à Beira-Mar de Night Vale. Eu estive pessoalmente nas instalações à convite deles, e posso afirmar para vocês que é absolutamente belíssimo e de primeira linha. Áreas de docas resistentes feitas de material reciclado ecológico. Um calçadão para pedestres e uma variedade de estandes perfeitos para os vendedores de comida transformarem em uma feira pública movimentada. Agora, há certa preocupação com o fato de que, já que estamos no meio do deserto, não há realmente água na Beira-Mar. O que é realmente inconveniente, eu concordo. E o calçadão está cheio de mato e pedras. A Associação Corporativa não oferece nenhuma solução para esse problema, mas eles me asseguraram que o novo porto será um grande impulso para Night Vale independentemente disso. Talvez se esperar por uma enchente e correr até lá, aí sim, será a experiência à Beira-Mar completa.

A sede local da Associação Nacional de Rifles (ANR) está vendendo adesivos de para-choque como parte da semana de levantamento de fundos. Eles mandaram um para a estação para conseguir mais publicidade, e estamos aqui para servir a comunidade, então fico feliz de deixar vocês informados. Os adesivos são feitos de um vinil bom e firme e dizem: "Armas não matam pessoas. É impossível ser morto por uma arma. Somos todos invulnerável à balas e isso é um milagre." Vá até sua porta e grite "ANR" para encomendar o seu.

Carlos e seu time de cientistas alertam que uma das casas no novo complexo de Desert Creek, atrás da Escola Fundamental, na verdade não existe. "Ela parece que existe", explicou Carlos e seu cabelo perfeito. "Tipo, ela está lá quando você olha e está entre duas outras casas idênticas, então faz mais sentido ela estar lá do que não estar." Mas, ele diz, eles fizeram experimentos e a casa definitivamente não está lá. Nesse momento, os cientistas estão agrupados na calçada na frente da casa inexistente, provocando uns aos outros para ir lá bater na porta.

Um longo uivo foi ouvido vindo do Posto de Correio de Night Vale ontem. Os funcionários do correio dizem não ter percebido nada, embora os transeuntes tenham descrito o som como sendo mais ou menos como "uma alma humana sendo destruída por meio de Magia Negra". O Rastreador Apache - espera, eu não sei se vocês já viram ele por aí. Ele é aquele que parece ter, talvez, origem eslava, mas usa um cocar indígena como em um desenho racista, e diz que é capaz de decifrar rastros no asfalto. Ele apareceu no local e jurou que iria descobrir a verdade. Ninguém respondeu nada, porque é realmente difícil levar ele a sério com aquele cocar.

Luzes, vistas no céu sobre o Arby's. Não a placa iluminada do Arby's. Algo maior e acima disso. Nós sabemos a diferença. Nós fomos pegos no jogo deles. Nós entendemos o jogo das luzes sobre o Arby's. Invasores de outro mundo. Senhoras e senhores, o futuro está aqui. E está a quase 30 metros acima do Arby's.

Carlos e seus cientistas na estação de monitoramento perto da Rota 800 dizem que os monitores sísmicos indicam fortes abalos, significando que o solo deveria estar chacoalhando para cima e para baixo em todo o lugar. Eu não sei vocês, pessoal, mas o solo aqui está tão estável quanto a crosta de um pequeno globo disparando por um vazio frio e sem fim poderia estar. Carlos disse que eles checaram os monitores duas vezes, e eles estão em perfeita ordem. Para simplificar, parece que aqui em Night Vale está ocorrendo terremotos catastróficos que absolutamente ninguém consegue sentir. Bem, deem entrada no seguro, por via das dúvidas, certo? 

Hora do tráfego, ouvintes. Agora, a Polícia está emitindo alerta sobre carros fantasmas nas autoestradas, aqueles carros que só são visíveis de longe, alcançando velocidades inimagináveis, partindo de locais desconhecidos para locais ainda mais desconhecidos. Eles gostariam de lembrar que vocês não devem definir sua velocidade com a dessas aparições, e fazer isso não é considerado como seguir o fluxo do tráfego. Por outro lado, eles dizem que é seguro igualar a velocidade com as luzes misteriosas no céu, pois sejam quais forem as entidades ou organizações responsáveis por elas, parecem ser motoristas cautelosos e razoáveis.

E agora, a previsão do tempo.

[música]

Bem-vindos de volta, ouvintes.

O sol não se pôs na hora correta hoje, informam Carlos e seu time de cientistas. Eles estão bem convencidos disso, eles checaram vários relógios, e o sol definitivamente se pôs dez minutos mais tarde do que deveria. Eu perguntei se eles tinham alguma explicação, mas eles não ofereceram nada concreto. Basicamente, eles sentaram em volta de um relógio de mesa, olhando fixamente para ele, murmurando e cochichando. Ainda assim, nós devemos ser gratos por termos o sol. É fácil esquecer disso nesse clima desértico quente, quente, quente, mas na verdade as coisas seriam um pouquinho mais difíceis para nós sem o sol. No próximo amanhecer, qualquer que seja a hora em que acontecer, tire um momento para agradecer por todo o calor e luz e também, sim, pela temperatura extrema com a qual nossa comunidade desértica foi agraciada.

O Conselho Municipal gostaria de lembrá-los das classes celestiais e da hierarquia dos anjos. O lembrete é que vocês não deveriam saber nada sobre isso. A estrutura interna do Céu e o quadro organizacional dos anjos é uma informação privilegiada, de conhecimento apenas do Conselho Municipal, de forma superficial. Por favor, não falem com anjos ou reconheçam a existência de qualquer anjo que possa cruzar caminho com vocês fazendo compras no Ralphs ou no Boliche e Fliperama Desert Flower. Anjos só contam mentiras, e não existem. Reportem qualquer avistamento de anjos para o Conselho Municipal para tratamento.

E agora, um rápido anúncio de utilidade pública. Jacarés. Eles podem matar os seus filhos? Sim.

Aproveitando o assunto, falando por mim mesmo, eu acredito que a melhor forma de morrer seria ser engolido por uma serpente gigante. Ir dos pés à cabeça para dentro do esôfago pegajoso seria uma simetria perfeita com a vida.

Falando no Boliche e Fliperama Desert Flower, o proprietário, Teddy Williams, reportou a descoberta da entrada de uma vasta cidade subterrânea sob a área dos pinos na pista 5. Ele disse que ainda não se arriscou a descer, apenas espiou os estranhos pináculos e avenidas largas lá embaixo. Ele também reportou ouvir vozes de uma multidão distante nas profundezas da metrópole subterrânea. Aparentemente, a entrada foi descoberta quando uma bola de boliche acidentalmente rolou para dentro dela, descendo estrondosamente a caminho da cidade com sons que ecoaram por quilômetros na caverna impossivelmente grande. Então, é isso, qualquer que seja a população que habita a cidade, eles agora sabem sobre nós e devemos ter notícias deles em breve.

Carlos, lindo e perfeito, veio ao nosso estúdio no intervalo ainda há pouco, mas se recusou a ficar para uma entrevista. Ele trouxe um tipo de caixa piscando coberta de fios e tubos. Ele disse que estava testando o lugar para uns estudos. Eu não sei que tipo de estudo ele tinha em mente, mas aquela caixa com certeza apitou e bipou bastante. Quando ele a aproximou do microfone, ela soou como, bem, como um monte de filhotes de pássaro que acabaram de acordar. Deixou o instrumento doido. Carlos pareceu nervoso. Eu nunca vi uma expressão como essa em alguém com um maxilar como aquele. Ele saiu apressado. Disse para evacuarmos o prédio, mas então, quem estaria aqui falando suavemente para todos vocês aí fora? Preparando para mais uma bela noite aqui em Night Vale. Eu espero que todos vocês aí tenham alguém com quem dormir, ou ao menos, boas memórias de quando tinham. Boa noite, ouvintes. Boa noite.

[nightvaleenespanol]

Transcripción en Español capítulo 1 Welcome to Night Vale.

1 - Piloto

Una comunidad amistosa del desierto, donde el sol calienta, la luna es hermosa y luces misteriosas pasan por encima mientras todos fingimos dormir. Bienvenidos a Night Vale.

[música]

Hola oyentes. Para empezar, me han pedido que lea este breve aviso.

 El Ayuntamiento anuncia la apertura de un nuevo parque para perros en la esquina de Earl y Summerset, cerca de Ralphs. Les gustaría recordarles a todos que no se permiten perros en el parque para perros. No se permiten personas en el parque para perros. Es posible que veas figuras encapuchadas en el parque para perros. No te acerques a ellos. No te acerques al parque para perros. La valla está electrificada y es muy peligrosa. Trata de no mirar el parque para perros y especialmente, no mires en ningún instante a las figuras encapuchadas. El parque para perros no te hará daño.

Y ahora las noticias.

La anciana Josie, cerca del aparcamiento de coches, dice que los Ángeles se le revelaron. Dijo que tenían tres metros de altura, eran radiantes, y uno de ellos era negro. Dijo que la ayudaron con varias tareas del hogar. Uno de ellos le cambió una bombilla, la del porche. Ella está vendiendo la bombilla vieja, que ha sido tocada por un ángel (era el ángel negro, si eso es llamativo para alguien). Si estás interesado, ponte en contacto con la anciana Josie. Está cerca del aparcamiento de coches.

Hoy llegó un hombre nuevo a la ciudad. ¿Quién es él? ¿Qué quiere de nosotros? ¿Por qué lleva un corte de pelo perfecto y hermoso? ¿Por qué su abrigo es perfecto y hermoso? Dice que es un científico. Bueno... todos hemos sido científicos en un momento u otro de nuestras vidas. Pero, ¿por qué ahora? ¿Por qué aquí? ¿Y qué planea hacer con todos esos interruptores e instrumentos eléctricos, tarareando en ese laboratorio que está alquilando, el que está al lado de Big Rico's Pizza? Nadie hace las pizzas como Big Rico. Nadie.

Solo un recordatorio para todos los padres. Hablemos de seguridad a la hora de sacar a tus hijos a jugar al parque. Debes darles mucha agua, asegurarte de que haya un árbol con sombra en la zona y vigilar los colores del helicóptero. ¿Son negros los helicópteros que dan vueltas alrededor de la zona? Probablemente sean del Gobierno Mundial, no es un buen lugar para jugar ese día. ¿Son azules? Esa es la Policía Secreta del Sheriff, mantendrán vigilados a tus hijos, y casi nunca cogerán uno. ¿Están pintados con murales complejos que representan aves rapaces buceando? Nadie sabe qué son esos helicópteros ni qué quieren. No juegues en la zona. Regresa a su casa y cierra las puertas hasta que un policía secreto del sheriff, deje un clavel en tu porche para indicar que el peligro ha pasado. Cúbrete los oídos para bloquear los gritos. Además, recuerda: Aquarius es básicamente un refresco, así que dale a tus hijos agua corriente y tal vez algunas rodajas de naranja cuando jueguen.

Un avión comercial que volaba a través del espacio aéreo local desapareció hoy, solo para reaparecer en el gimnasio de Night Vale Elementary durante la clase de baloncesto, interrumpiendo la clase bastante por cierto. El avión rugió a través del pequeño gimnasio durante una fracción de segundo, y antes de que pudiera golpear a cualquier jugador o estructura, se desvaneció nuevamente, esta vez aparentemente para siempre. Todavía no se sabe si esto afectará o cómo afectará el calendario de partidos de Night Vale Mountain Lion, y tampoco si esto podría ser obra de sus amargos rivales, los Desert Bluffs Cacti. Desert Bluffs siempre están tratando de mostrarnos a través de uniformes más elegantes, mejores bebidas antes del partido y muy posiblemente transportando un avión comercial a nuestro gimnasio, retrasando el partido por varios minutos al menos. Qué vergüenza, Desert Bluffs. Que vergüenza.

Ese nuevo científico, ahora sabemos que se llama Carlos, convocó una reunión en la ciudad. Tiene una mandíbula cuadrada y dientes blancos bien ordenados. Su pelo es perfecto, y todos lo odiamos, nos desesperamos y amamos ese pelo perfecto en igual medida. La anciana Josie trajo panecillos de maíz, que eran decentes pero carecían de sal. Dijo que los ángeles se habían llevado su sal para una Misión Divina y que aún, no había decidido comprar más. Carlos nos dijo que somos, por mucho, la comunidad científicamente más interesante de los EE. UU., y que había venido a estudiar qué está pasando aquí. Sonrió, y todo en él era perfecto, y me enamoré al instante. Los agentes del gobierno de una agencia vaga pero amenazante estaban en la parte de atrás, observando. Temo por Carlos. Temo por Night Vale. Temo por cualquiera atrapado entre lo que sabe y lo que aún no sabe que no sabe.

Recibimos un comunicado de prensa esta mañana. La Asociación Empresarial de Night Vale se enorgullece en anunciar la apertura de la nueva área recreativa de Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront. Yo mismo he estado en estas instalaciones recientemente por su invitación, y puedo deciros que es absolutamente de primera línea y muy bonita. Áreas de aparcamiento resistentes, hechas de material ecológico. Un paseo marítimo para peatones y muchos puestos listos para que los vendedores y comerciantes locales lo conviertan en un bullicioso mercado público. Ahora, existe cierta preocupación por el hecho de que, dado que estamos en medio de un desierto, no hay agua real en la costa. Y eso es definitivamente un inconveniente, estoy de acuerdo. Por ejemplo, el paseo marítimo actualmente está cubierto de maleza y rocas. La Asociación Empresarial no proporcionó ningún remedio específico para este problema, pero me aseguraron que, no obstante, el nuevo puerto sería un gran impulso para Night Vale. Tal vez se espere hasta una inundación repentina y en ese caso, dirígete allí para disfrutar de una experiencia completa frente al mar.

En el capítulo local, la asociación nacional del rifle está vendiendo calcomanías para parachoques como parte de su semana de recaudación de fondos. Enviaron a la radio uno para obtener algo de publicidad, y estamos aquí para servir a la comunidad, así que me complace informarles a todos al respecto. Las calcomanías están hechas de un buen vinilo resistente y dicen: “Las armas no matan a la gente. Es imposible ser asesinado por un arma. Todos somos invencibles a las balas y es un milagro”. Párate fuera de la puerta de tu casa y grita "Asociación nacional del Rifle" para pedir uno.

Carlos y su equipo de científicos advierten, que una de las casas en la nueva urbanización de Desert Creek, en la parte trasera de la escuela primaria, en realidad no existe. “Parece que existe”, explicó Carlos y su cabello perfecto. “Como si estuviera justo ahí cuando lo miras, y está entre otras dos casas idénticas ademas, por lo que tendría más sentido que estuviera allí, que no”. Pero, dice que han hecho experimentos y la casa definitivamente no está ahí. A la hora de las noticias, los científicos están parados en grupo, en la acera de enfrente a la casa inexistente, desafiándose unos a otros a tocar la puerta.

Ayer se escuchó un gran aullido desde la oficina de correos de Night Vale. Los trabajadores postales afirman no tener conocimiento, aunque los transeúntes describieron el sonido como "un alma humana siendo destruida a través de magia negra".

Hablemos del caminante Indio, no sé si has visto a este tipo por ahí. Él es el que parece ser, quizás, de origen eslavo, pero usa un peinado indio y afirma ser capaz de leer huellas en el asfalto. Apareció en la escena y juró que descubriría la verdad. Nadie respondió, porque es muy difícil tomarlo en serio con ese peinado suyo.

Luces, vistas en el cielo sobre Arby's. No es el letrero resplandeciente de Arby's. Que es algo más alto. Sabemos la diferencia. ¿Invasores de otro mundo? Damas y caballeros, el futuro ya está aquí. Y está a unos treinta metros por encima de Arby's.

Carlos y sus científicos en la estación de vigilancia cerca de la Ruta 800, dicen que sus monitores sísmicos han estado indicando cambios sísmicos salvajes, lo que significa que el suelo debería estar subiendo y bajando por todo el lugar. No sé vosotros amigos, pero el suelo ha estado tan quieto como que me llamo Cecil. Carlos dice que han revisado dos veces los monitores y que están en perfecto estado de funcionamiento. Para decirlo claramente, parece que están ocurriendo terremotos catastróficos aquí mismo en Night Vale, que absolutamente nadie puede sentir. Bueno, envía un aviso de todos modos si lo notas.

Tiempo del tráfico. Ahora, la policía está emitiendo advertencias sobre furgonetas fantasmas en las carreteras, estos vehículos solo son visibles a cierta distancia, y están alcanzando velocidades inimaginables. La policía quiere recordarnos, que no debes establecer tu velocidad fijándote en estas apariciones, y que de hacerlo, no se considerará que estas siguiendo el flujo del tráfico. Sin embargo, dicen que probablemente sea seguro igualar la velocidad con las misteriosas luces en el cielo, ya que cualquier entidad u organización responsable parece ser un conductor cauteloso y razonable.

Y ahora, el tiempo.

(Música)

Bienvenidos de nuevo, oyentes.

El sol no se puso a la hora correcta hoy, informan Carlos y su equipo de científicos. Están bastante seguros de ello, revisaron varios relojes y el sol definitivamente se puso diez minutos más tarde de lo que se suponía. Les pregunté si tenían alguna explicación, pero no ofrecieron nada concreto. En su mayoría, se sentaban en círculo alrededor de un reloj de escritorio, mirándolo, murmurando. Aún así, debemos estar agradecidos de tener el sol. Es fácil olvidarlo en este clima desértico cálido, pero las cosas serían un poco más difíciles para nosotros sin el sol. La próxima vez que salga el, sea la hora que sea, tómate un momento para sentirte agradecido por toda la calidez y la luz e, incluso, sí..., el calor extremo con el que está dotada nuestra comunidad del desierto.

El Ayuntamiento quisiera recordarte acerca de los cielos escalonados y la jerarquía de los ángeles. El recordatorio es que no debes saber nada sobre esto. La estructura del cielo y el organigrama angélical son información clasificada, conocida solo por los miembros del Consejo Municipal. No hables ni reconozcas a ningún ángel con el que te puedas encontrar mientras compras en Ralphs o en el Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. Solo dicen mentiras, y no existen. Informa de todos los avistamientos de ángeles al Ayuntamiento para su tratamiento.

Y ahora un breve anuncio de servicio público. caimanes. ¿Pueden matar a tus hijos? Sí.

En ese sentido, personálmente, creo que la mejor manera de morir sería ser tragado por una serpiente gigante. Ir con los pies por delante y todo para dentro de unas fauces viscosas, eso le daría a tu vida una simetría perfecta.

Hablando de Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, su propietario, Teddy Williams, informa que encontró la entrada a una gran ciudad subterránea en el área de recuperación de bolos del carril 5. Dijo que aún no se ha aventurado en ella, simplemente miró hacia abajo a sus extrañas torres y amplias avenidas. También informa de voces de una multitud lejana en las profundidades de esa metrópolis subterránea. Aparentemente, la entrada se descubrió cuando una bola rodó accidentalmente hacia ella, resonando hacia la ciudad de abajo a través de una cueva increíblemente grande. Entonces, cualquiera que sea la población que tenga esa ciudad, ahora saben de nosotros y es posible que tengamos noticias de ellos muy pronto.

Carlos, perfecto y hermoso, vino a nuestros estudios durante el descanso anterior pero se negó a quedarse para una entrevista. Tenía una especie de caja parpadeante en la mano cubierta de cables y tubos. Dijo que estaba en busca de materiales. No sé a qué materiales se refería, pero estoy seguro de que esa caja silbaba y emitía muchos pitidos. Cuando lo acercó al micrófono, sonó como... , bueno, como si un montón de pajaritos acabaran de despertarse. Realmente se volvió loco. Carlos parecía nervioso. Nunca había visto ese tipo de mirada en alguien con una mandíbula tan fuerte. Se fue a toda prisa. Nos dijo que evacuáramos el edificio, pero entonces, ¿quién estaría aquí para hablar dulcemente con todos vosotros? Preparándonos para disfrutar de otra noche clara y bonita aquí en Night Vale. Espero que todos vosotros tengáis alguien con quien dormir, o al menos, buenos recuerdos de cuando lo tuvisteis. Buenas noches oyentes. Buenas noches...

[welcometonvheadcanons]

Hello, lovely followers!

It has been a while since I posted any original content, let alone art, and a little birdie told me some people had been interested in knowing more about Ellie, so I decided to also include some fun facts about her!

Some of you may already be familiar with Ellie as she appears in several posts from my dear friend Parker’s blog (@video-killed-the-radio-host)

Eleanor “Ellie” Harris is the Desert Bluffs counterpart of Earl Harlan (he doesn’t have a canonical one so we can imagine them however we like! Isn’t that wonderful?). Ellie serves as volunteer Den Mother of the Smiling Girl Scouts of Desert Bluffs and, depending on the verse, she is also either a baker or an elementary school teacher.

Ellie features in the following fanfics:

From Venezuela, with Love (my high school au)

Say it again (an old fic of mine set in the Canon!verse, only avaliable on FFnet)

Ellie also features in several tik-toks made by Parker under the name: @Earlofdesertbluffs

Now let’s go to the fun facts!

1. Ellie is the only one allowed to call Kevin by the nickname of “Kev”.

2. Eleanor and Kevin are childhood best friends and Kevin (who I personally headcanon as bi) had a crush on her when they were teens.

3. Ellie is either a bisexual woman or a lesbian, depending on the verse.

4. Ellie has two dads named Armand and Jethro that run a bakery in Desert Bluffs.

5. In the high school au, Ellie has a boyfriend named David who she loves very much and an ex-girlfriend name Melanie.

6. Ellie’s favorite animals are lions.

7. Ellie has heart-shaped pupils (and Earl has snake-like pupils).

8. Ellie loves antagonizing Earl whenever they meet, but is all in good fun and they actually get along pretty well.

9. In the Canon!verse, Ellie has a daughter named Regina (Roger’s DB counterpart).

10. Eleanor was part of The Resistance against Strex when they first showed up (for more information about this, see Parker’s Strex!Ellie tag).

11. The two things Ellie loves the most besides scouting is make-up and sports.

12. Ellie likes Charles and considers him a perfect match for Kevin.

13. Eleanor enjoys baking sweets, especially if she gets to gift them to friends and family.

14. Ellie knows American Sign Language.

15. In the high school au, Ellie enjoys dressing in Goth clothes when not in scouting uniform.

16. Ellie owned a motorcycle when she was younger.

17. Ellie listens to Girl In Red.

18. Eleanor and Charles love arranging play-dates between Regina and Donovan.

19. She often volunteers at Kevin’s church.

20. Ellie loves telling Lauren to ‘Get Fucked :)’

[kerink]

224 react

no yellow title card, stay strong desert bluffs girlies

JANICE WORKS NO NO NO DONT MAKE HER WORK JUST GIVE HER MONEY

"i'm hip!" ok

"do the kids still eat popcorn" ok

god hes the cutest girl on earth

oh god hes gonna live blog it

a tree that has fallen over with neglect...

"no human foot has touched this floor for a thousand years" vs "no human being has breathed within it in a thousand years"

a man you forgot huh

i have a stapler dana come on... i have stuff to staple...

why WOULD you even want great point cecil

omg thank fuck michelles still doing weird shit maybe we'll survive

EARL POG POG POG

cecil are u going to eat earls finger???????

cecil talked about jove

"i dont love what's happening here"

oh his childhood home

THE VHS MAN oh AND the mural man

don't make him remember, those memories are repressed for a reason

I REFUSE TO LOOK INTO IT FURTHER HES THE GIRL OF ALL TIME FR LMFAO

[incorrectwtnvquotes]

That's a perfect boy: Carlos, Charles

Fun having, fun looking, dirty boys, just rowdy dirty boys: Hiram, John Peters

Gen-u-ine Wrestle Boy: Josh, Earl, Lee Marvin

A thick boy (that you can't knock over with a pail of water): Cecil, Kareem, Steve

Hällo... I'm Real Bøy: Kevin, Chad, Troy

Garbage Boy, Stink Man: Casper, Marcus