#Day 5 and 6 rocked
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Day 5 Filoboletus Manipularis
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I see a lot of love for infodumping as an autism bonding activity, and that’s wonderful of course but I think we also need to acknowledge the sheer joy of showing each other your collections. Literally nothing makes me happier than a friend showing off their hoards of trinkets and telling me the lore about each thing.
If you have a collection of things you’re really proud of or happy about PLEASE rb this and tell me about it in the tags because I really really want to hear about it!!
#I’ll go first: I have a CRT tv collection + a tea collection + a rock collection + a dice collection! those r my fave collections at least#I only have 5 CRTs but they’re all so precious to me and when I move out and have more space I wanna collect more#I rlly like the little portable ones from the 80s that have the cute antennas and carry handles#my rock collection has been slowly updated since I was about 6 years old and contains a few coral skeletons and fossilised bits of stuff#my tea collection takes up a whole pantry in my house and I will probably never finish it in my lifetime even tho I am a regular tea drinkr#bc I really love trying different teas so I add to the collection faster than I drink it#I’m caffeine sensitive so I can’t have much tea in a day. it nerfs me. I would have like 5 different cups per day otherwise#one of my best friends collects specifically the yeti squishmallows and calls them ‘bennies’ bc her first one was called Benny on the tag#the same friend also collects lopsided glass sculptures of animals and they are so wonderful#she also collects gonks. those little soft Christmas gnome decoration things. she has like 40 different gonks#and my partner collects occult books! he has a whole bunch of books on different magical practices and beliefs#he uses them for inspiration for aspects of our Mage: The Ascension campaign
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had a horrible realization that I have a lot in common with aegon. now why would they (vague enemy) do me like this
#1) has older sister that’s way more popular than me and everyone obviously loved her more#2) evil little brother who I am sometimes allied with but mostly fighting constantly#3) maternal figure did me crazy dirty (forced me to go to theatre camp) and also slapped me#4) teenage addict#5) got a 6 yr old who I rock with#6) weird autistic gf who says vaguely prophetic shit#7) sex freak from a very young age (I did not commit crimes tho)#8) sucks ASS at learning languages like it’s actually so embarrassing#9) had a gang of mean kids in middle school which I used to torment one guy in particular#10) weird cousin stuff (it’s part of the culture man)#11) lays in bed all day. gets pussy. goes to sleep. endless cycle or whatever#12) THE BOOOOOOB FUCK I FORGOT ABOUTG THE BAAAWB
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misc photo diary stuff.. also this unintentionally all matches sort of lol.. warm toned photos?
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2. A very pale dusty warm sort of sky. Love the tone of it. All shades of gray skies are amazing.#3. Some flowers outside of a building I walked by. I like the chunky petals and interesting muted color#4. bapy son enjoying the sunlight#5. Picture of a moon and I think two stars or maybe planets or something near it? :0#6. little lines drawn onto the carpet with sunlight from the window blinds#7. The moon illuminating the clouds to an unuusally bright degree. Very inchresting.. It isn't even captured well in photos but in real lif#it kind of looked like everything in the sky was glowing#8. They had heart shaped strawberry biscuits at popeyes this February (I think for valentines day month?)#9. All of the various rocks I've picked up on the ground outside over the past few months. Now that I have a rock tumbler I'm always on the#lookout for interesting ones. Though I'm not sure what all of them are or how well they'd actually polish. I know there are rules about tha#and stuff lol. I do think it's neat how when they're all next to each other there's so many different patterns#and colors and stuff even though they were all taken from basically the same small span of just sidewalks and places along the city#I never travel to different states or anything or even go hours away within my own state.#photo diary
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Nevada Grandeur by Mark Stevens Via Flickr: A setting looking to the northwest while taking in views across a mountain desert landscape to sandstone peaks and other formations. This was at a roadside pullout in the Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area. With this image, I decided to focus on one of the more prominent formations of Bridge Mountain with its quite distinct colors in the rock layers. Given the high ground I was located on, I was able to capture a more leveled-on look but still have a foreground to add interest to this Mojave Desert in Nevada. Kind of a balanced view between the flatter areas to my front with the ridges and peaks off in the distance. I later worked with control points in DxO PhotoLab 6 and then made some adjustments to bring out the contrast, saturation and brightness I wanted for the final image.
#Azimuth 294#Blue Skies#Blue Skies with Clouds#Bridge Mountain#Creosote Bush#Day 5#Desert Landscape#Desert Mountain Landscape#Desert Plant Life#DxO PhotoLab 6 Edited#Great Basin Ranges#Intermountain West#Joshua Tree National Park and California#Landscape#Landscape - Scenery#Looking NW#Mojave Desert#Mountain Peak#Mountains#Mountains in Distance#Mountains off in Distance#Mountainside#Nature#Nikon D850#No People#Outside#Partly Sunny#Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area#Red Rock Canyon Overlook#Ridge
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they say that "time heals all wounds" but i honestly think that upping my anti-depressants has done more for me
#.jokes#hashtag comedy#ok but actually. upping my dosage has rocked my world this last week#i hope this continues!!!!!!!#today is The Day im Feeling It#still a very tired busy guy but at least im not explodingexplodingexploding#also on a serious note. time just passes. it passes no matter what. time is not a remedy to trauma#time will go on but you may get stuck on loop. therapy. unpacking what happened to you. finding coping mechanisms that#work for you. medication maybe. these r things that help#the pain still exists. and it can be just as strong depending on the trauma. but hopefully the time between incidents/episodes lessens#fill the space where u feel capable and free with love laughter joy. fill it with little tasks that set you up to have a better time when#things r feeling bad again#sometimes ill do smth as small as writing out a phone number i need to call in the morning Just to cut out the step of googling it in the#morning. bc in the morning The Phone Call may seem monumental and impossible. but a lil bit less so if everything i need (#the number & what i wanna say) are written out before me#also also. last thing. the beginning of this is to be read exactly how the person in ''it could take 5 or 6 stores or just 1'' says it#thank u.#.txt#maria is literally just rambling. hi#personal#yes this ok to reblog. its meant to make u snort#mental health#/pos#silly hour!
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yesterday put some things on my feet, did the slow hiking in the cold, + experienced snow-quiet
#better than a full sunny day is when clouds + sun play chase w/each other#that big rock w/the vertical stripes of ice was SOOOO COOL!#love me a circle of trees above#came home + could've fallen asleep by 6:34pm#because: t i r e d#slow hiking in the cold is magical#grateful for hiking buddies w/similar design parameters#leisurely start in the morning + enough movement + great convos + share snacks#30 years my junior + asked me if i wanted to join him next year for 5 mos on the pct#snort: seriously considered it for about 12 minutes#walking meditation#nature's healing balm#nature#photography#foxy takes pics#personal
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i can't believe i used all my tags on this. i have MORE TO SAY. honorable mentions i will not elaborate on: pikmin, runescape, OG animal crossing.
the reason for all my tags is because there's a difference between "most fun" and "most important" and feel like if they're important u should at least say why :3
#1. metroid prime trilogy: my first dive into metroidvania games and to this day it is probably my favorite genre next to soulsborne.#also as a space nerd egg “wow she's so cool i wish i could be like her” lmaooooo buddy..#2. eternal darkness sanity's requiem: REALLY great unique game. graphics r a bit dated but i think it otherwise holds up rly well.#great spellcasting system with a rock beats scissors beats paper type of thing between different uh. “types” of magic? sourced#from different gods that seem to exist outside of time. idk what bar it raised exactly but it made a strong impression on me#and I've been wishing i had something like it ever since. the sequel has been started multiple times but i don't think it's ever#gonna happen 😔 nintendo has some surprisingly GREAT rated R games.#3. fallout new vegas/skyrim: having enjoyed these so much I've had them on every system i think getting them for PC was a literal#game changer. i played vanilla then ultimate editions and Thought i played them to death but once i got console access on PC??#it kinda served as my entry point to using mods and recently I've even made my own mod for elden ring and dark souls 3 (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)#not that I really needed or used mods with those games - but just kinda being Aware™ that being on PC means u have access#to the game's underlying functionality that you don't get on console. making bat scripts for skyrim/fonv made for some#HILARIOUS gameplay 😭#4. Sonic adventure 2 battle: rly just the sonic games in general but this one FUCKS. Songs r bangers. love the characters.#u low-key kidnap the president for a bit?? more like u break into his car to talk with him nonchalantly lol but still 💀#i listen to the OST to this day!!! when i think of a favorite GameCube game this is one of the first to come to mind.#and the chaos 🥺🥺🥺 and Rogue hey queen (。ノω\。)#5. hard to pick a Last One here.. I'm sure there are a lot of games that could be a stand-in choice but RE4/Dead Space Trilogy:#these were some GREAT horror survival games with a good plot and engaging gameplay. Dead Space especially was one me and#all my friends played and took turns playing (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤ just the time spent together alone was good but just rly solidifying that#u can have horror a good plot And good gameplay all in one. i love survival horror as a genre to this day ( ◜‿◝ ) wish i could#remember others i played but i can't?? speaks to how iconic they were at the time though.#6. (honorable mention) the mass effect trilogy: u wanna talk about great plot and engaging gameplay?? these games were SO#fucking good omg 😭 i LOVE the lil class system and the different abilities u get to use i loved that u could carry ur character and#decisions across games. and the fucking TRAGEDY of ur faves not making it thru the ending of ME2 (〒﹏〒) I fr#Went Back so i could try again and again till i at LEAST saved Jack but also saved everyone.#i think the emotional payoff for all ur characters ur invested in r pretty good when u make it to the third since it's p cinematic?#kinda want to play it again. ick do i want to touch the origin launcher though is the real question (´-﹏-`;) i bought it in a bundle#on steam and immediately asked for a refund when i realized i couldn't just play it through the steam launcher (ノ`⌒´)ノ┫:・┻┻#anyways. lots of time spent there too and another addition to the “you can have fun gameplay AND a great plot” pile.
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wow when i think about it maybe this year wasn't that bad
#i mean yes it was one of the worst definitely i kept falling down and down and down and i def hit rock bottom#highest weight of my life 'pcod' 'pre diabetes' ugh that was the worst#and the generally not studying#but but but. im going to list all the good things because it made me feel so weirdly happy that wow this happened to me#let's go chronologically#1. pretty awesome birthday got a gift from my then bestf which made me feel so seen and so understood#for the first time in life to the extent that i couldn't believe that paying attention to me and loving me so much was even possible#2. discovered i def like guys too and him writing on a tissue to me hbd and me giving him that letter which was almost like a love letter#that was so brave and vulnerable of me i can't believe i did that im proud of myself#3. learning thru an admittedly bad experience that there is no timeline for life and experiences and i definitely do not need#to have like sex and stuff to be cool and fit in its okay to wait for the right person it doesn't make me a loser#because at the end of the day i have to live with it i can sleep with someone just because i hate the feeling of being 21 and feeling#like im behind everyone but then that would be disrespectful to myself and i deserve better#4. that brief period of 15 days when i was almost friends with this girl from office and even tho she left i still remember resting my head#on her shoulders and feeling safe after so long#5. getting drunk with my bestie that was pretty awesome i shouldn't say this but it was such a good year for us cause she broke up with her#bf so whenever we met we would just play music and dance to sabrina#6. getting drunk with my SISTER and clubbing with her fuck that was pretty awesome i love her and i love her guy friend and i really hope#he succeeds in pata ing her and he becomes my future jiju#7. passinv this exam. i honestly didn't think i had it in me to get this degree and it's still hard to believe but i do feel motivated to#try now. i worked hard i sincerely studied which i hadn't done in like 2 years and it really feels like god#said yeah beta you take this win and keep getting better okay?#so much bad happened too ive now lost everyone except my family and my one irl bestf but i still feel hopeful. i hope it will be ok 2025
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Because a few have asked
Teaboot's Super Okay Guide To Developing A Brain That Makes Art Work
Or: How to get your eyes to talk directly to your hands without your brain micromanaging you
Or: How to draw better
⚠️ Warning for super fast gifs cause they all gotta be 5 seconds or less or else my phone shits the bed ⚠️
1. Do the following exercises. Don't just think about doing them or figure out a clever way to not do them, just do them. Yes even the boring ones and the ones that look ugly
2. If you have any pride, crush it. Kill it. Crunch it up into itty bitty bits and feed it to the ducks at the park. You have no talent and don't know anything and everything you make is hot garbage. Believe that. Make yourself believe that. That is where you live now. Surrender any indignation or shame you have to the void and embrace rock bottom.
3. Read step 2 again and actually do it this time. My methods will not work if you try to make this process pretty. Don't.
4. No drawing from your imagination on these. Actually draw from real life. If it's boring like eating day old oatmeal in in beige room but your usual art still feels wonky then I'm talking to you specifically. You can't write poetry until you learn words and yes learning words is as dull as horseshit sometimes but do you wanna be Robert Frost or not
5. Pick up some cheap paper and a ballpoint pen. Grab a small object, between the size of your hand and the size of a microwave. Set a timer for fifteen minutes. Put the tip of your pen to the paper and press "start".
Now without looking at your paper, only looking at the object, draw the object in as much detail as you can. Do not break contact between the paper and the pen tip until the timer goes off.
This is a continuous line drawing, and you're doing it in pen because you need to know what rock bottom looks like and rock bottom looks like no eyes no erasers no shading no do-overs.
6. Sit down in a public place. As someone walks by, draw their their body in as much accuracy as you can before they are no longer in view. Once you can't see them anymore, the drawing is done. No adding details. Pick someone else and do it again. No "base sketch". Just them. If it barely looks human you're doing great
7. Get a black pen. Put a small object on a dark, flat surface. Now draw the surface without drawing the object. Don't draw the outline of the object. Don't do a sketch. Just draw the surface that is visible around the object until only a silhouette remains. No time limit just do it.
The ability to draw accurate proportions from sight comes from learning to see what exists between a thing and the absence of a thing and if that hurts to think about then you need to do it more
8. Keep doing these until you are Ready.
9. You will know when you are Ready. It will make sense when you are Ready. You will Understand.
10. Unwind with some goofy shit so you don't forget why you wanna improve to begin with
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Twitch Streamer Mary Ann Skuttle AU
She almost exclusively plays video games, tho sometimes she reviews the quality and cuteness of plushies. Sometimes she updates people on her quokki pet's level or how her personal AC Island looks, or her longest running Stardew Farm. (Maru IS her favorite Stardew marriageable NPC because it reminds her of her "loser boyfriend".)
Sometimes she gets her friends to play games with her on stream, or they're just in the background hanging out. Once when a game comes out that Mary Ann is legit excited for (in her own way) everyone gathers in a little watch party in the background with snacks as they settle in for the Marathon stream about to happen.
If she misses some streams she probably tosses out a simple update about her and her friends being on a quest or something similar that she implies is kinda lame. Her watchers KNOW she's an adventurer but there is never any elaboration.
They also know she has a boyfriend but known VERY little about him.
Loser Boyfriend™️ Confirmed Facts
1. Loser
2. His quokki pets gameplay is trash
3. Also an adventurer ig
4. Plays drums sometimes
5. They officially met when she curb-stomped his ass at a sports tryouts and he got mad. (No elaboration)
6. He made her a switch capable of running ROMhacks and mods.
7. Half-orc. The only times they have ever seen him is once or twice when he wordlessly hands her a mango soda from off screen. They have an entire emote of his hand with the soda bottle they spam sometimes. (#bottleboi)
Which is to say when Gorgug shows up in the background of the stream one day, cause Mary Ann rearranged or was streaming from somewhere else temporarily, people start freaking out.
Mary Ann notices but only comments "yeah, that's my loser boyfriend. Don't worry about it."
THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE MARY ANN!!!
THAT'S GORGUG THISTLESPRING, FAMOUS 4X WORLD SAVING RENOWN ADVENTURER BEFORE HE EVEN FINISHED HIGHSCHOOL, THE FIRST EVER BARBIFICER IN THE WORLD, AND GODDAMN FAMOUS ROCK STAR.
YOU CALL HIM YOUR LOSER BOYFRIEND?????
"His quokki pets gameplay is trash."
MA'AM-
#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high junior year#fantasy high#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#d20 spoilers#dimension 20 spoilers#gorgug thistlespring#gorgug x mary ann#mary ann skuttle#skuttlespring#twitch streamer mary ann AU#her twitch name is StrawberrySkuttles
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head in hands my work scheduled me for an extra shift onf riday. please. please. pleaaaaaaaaaaaaase.
#7 hrs a day 5 days a week at school a minimum of 3 hrs every night doing homework usually more. uni/college apps. hours each week on theater#planning. my own personal projects. and then my work gives me ANOTHER shift#i was supposed to work 16 hrs this week (max is 25 for minors during school and this is literally MY FIRST WEEK!!!!! IVE HAD 2 SHIFTS OF#THE 4 I WAS MEANT TO HAVE THIS WEEK!!!) and now theyve added another !!! all on school nights !!!!!! yes im aware i agreed to this !!!#but how am i meant to get 3-6 hours of homework done!!! when i have to work!!!!! from 5 to 9 !!!#rocking back and forth do it for the money do it for the money do it for the money#once again yes. i agreeed to this. i am eecstatic to be earning money so i can build up my savings. but god almighty i dont like my schedul#cant even do homwork on the job bc im a cashier sobs
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Anime and Manga
Delicious in Dungeon is the new Dungeons and Dragons.
Dungeon Meshi +21
Jujutsu Kaisen
One Piece -2
Boku no Hero Academia +1
Bungou Stray Dogs +3
Tian Guan Ci Fu +13
Haikyuu!! +6
The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System +9
Naruto +2
Mob Psycho 100 -7
Mo Dao Zu Shi +1
SPY x FAMILY -6
Attack on Titan +10
JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure -4
Death Note +9
Puella Magi Madoka Magica +16
Yu-Gi-Oh! +9
Chainsaw Man -14
Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba -3
Hetalia +10
Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint
Sailor Moon -7
Trigun Stampede -16
Trigun Maximum -3
Fullmetal Alchemist -7
Bocchi the Rock! -6
Black Butler +8
Wind Breaker
Revolutionary Girl Utena +4
Sousou no Frieren
Tokyo Revengers -2
Blue Lock -7
Digimon +1
Yuri!!! on Ice +12
Dragon Ball Z +4
Hunter X Hunter
Witch Hat Atelier +4
Neon Genesis Evangelion -1
Bleach -12
Fairy Tail +5
Inuyasha -3
Detective Conan +5
Soul Eater -3
Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury -13
Dorohedoro +3
19 Days -32
Ranma 1/2
Dandadan
Dragon Ball Super
Berserk -6
Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun
Cowboy Bebop
Houseki No Kuni
Cardcaptor Sakura
Lupin III -12
Golden Kamuy
Trigun 98 -15
Hellsing
Yu Yu Hakusho
SK8 the Infinity -10
Yotsuba&!
NANA
Boruto: Naruto Next Generations
Love Live
Tokyo Mew Mew
Love Bullet
Black Clover
One Punch Man
Ouran High School Host Club
Blue Exorcist
Diabolik Lovers
Fate/Stay Night
Gintama
Tokyo Ghoul
Pop Team Epic -26
The Case Study of Vanitas
Little Witch Academia
Higurashi
Kill la Kill
Natsume Yuujinchou
Uzumaki
Fruits Basket
Citrus
Buddy Daddies -75
Hamtaro
Pokémon
Dr. Stone
Mr. Osomatsu
Azumanga Daioh
Reborn!
A Sign of Affection
Monogatari
Oshi no Ko
The Summer Hikaru Died
Devilman
Banana Fish
Noragami
Code Geass
Gurren Lagann
Durarara!!
The number in italics indicates how many spots a title moved up or down from the previous year. Bolded titles weren’t on the list last year.
Do you love One Piece? There are Communities for that. Check 'em out!
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i swear to god getting constantly cut off when i'm sleeping no matter what the fuck i do is gonna be my villain origin story or at least the reason behind any future murders i commit
#ive been getting 4-5 hours a night for months i feel fucking awful#not even uninterrupted sleep because that would be too easy#all because my rocks for brains family cannot possibly comprehend that noise carries easily and that i can hear every single fucking#door slam and pots clanging and radio playing and sneezing and coughing and eating and snoring and conversation and phone calls#and every other noise under the fucking sun#the bathroom next to my room automatically turns the vents on when you turn the lights on#i dont care if its petty its legitamately one of the top reasons i want to kill myself every day#fucking unbearable#and! my brother has eczema and we sleep in the same room and has zero regard for how he affects other people so you know what that means!#(the vents are on for an hour while he applies his creams then he comes into the room and turns the shitty yellow light on#and opens drawers and rustles around while he changes for half an hour#then climbs into bed and starts scratching ((its a horrible loud sound)) and tossing and turning and making the bed creak and shake#and also snoring. everything all night long#i feel muderous rage and crushing powerlessness because this is only one of the billion things i have no control over#and have no choice but to suck up and bear it#anyway its 1:27am rn gotta rise and grind at 6:30am yippee
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To Stand in Wonder in Carlsbad Caverns National Park by Mark Stevens Via Flickr: Big Room Trail-44 An image captured while walking the Big Room Trail in Carlsbad Caverns National Park with a view towards an amazing display of underground formations.
#Big Bend and Carlsbad Caverns National Parks#Big Room#Big Room Trail#Carlsbad Cavern#Carlsbad Caverns#Cave#Cave Formation#Cavern#Caverns#Day 6#DxO PhotoLab 5 Edited#Guadalupe Mountains#Intermountain West#Landscape#Landscape - Scenery#Large Limestone Chamber#Limestone Cave#Limestone Chamber#Mineral Deposit#Nature#Nikon D850#No People#Project365#Rock Formation#Rock Formations#Scenics - Nature#Show Cave#SnapBridge#Southwest Basins and Ranges#Speleology
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TRUE LOVE ⋆ 정국
when you and jeon jeongguk's paths cross again, you question if having a crush on the school's emo and alternative boy was really just a phase, or if it was true love after all.
⋆⁺₊❅. 5/6 from christmas & chill
pairing tattoo artist!jk x fem reader
genre fluff, smut, grumpy & sunshine, somewhat f2l
warnings jk 24 | oc 24, jk thinks he’s too cool for love, oc suffers from a chronic case of “i can fix him”, she eventually does, oc simps HARDDD and jk only pretends to be unaffected, yea he’s a bit of a dick sometimes but he’s also Very funny, brief description of panic attacks, male masturbation, kissing, idk what else to add i just rly rly love them and will think of them for the entirety of xmas season
word count 10.2k
author’s note hi lovies 🩷 it’s my last time with c&c 🙁 i’m kinda emotional omg… it’s been such a fun, warm and lovely week, and i love each one of you for showing endless support to this project <33 i’ll keep trying to not disappoint… please tell me if you like this!!! thank u always and always 🩷 luv u <3
banner by the gorgeous @awrkive ⊹₊⟡⋆
On the first day of December, your path crosses with thee Jeon Jeongguk’s after enough years for your brain to trip slightly before recognising him. But it would have been impossible not to—there’s likely a whole, well-preserved section of your thinking organ dedicated to that mortifying phase of high school, when your hormones turned life into an endless internal tug-of-war.
The moment your eyes widen at having him stand in front of you, you’re yanked unceremoniously into the past, brought back to buried, locked and left to gather dust feelings that have your teenage self’s screams echoing within you in a chorus of delight and cringe.
Jeongguk, on the other hand, is simply following his duties as a tattoo artist. When he catches sight of you next to his appointed client on such a breezy day, the cold December air starting to find its space even in the confines of his studio, he only nods his chin upward at you in slow recognition.
It’s awkward, at first. Only because you make it.
You’d volunteered to accompany Eunbi, your best friend, to get her first tattoo as an early Christmas self-gift. Your mission was clear: support her, hold her hand if the pain became unbearable (though you’re probably the least dependable person when it comes to making clarity in situations of panic, as seen right now), and be the first to bask in her excitement as she finally sees what she’s always pictured to be inked on the skin of her forearm. A blue whale tattoo, large enough to make you wince just thinking about the needlework.
You’d never go through something like that. Never.
And that’s exactly what’s showing on your face when you’re met with Jeongguk’s full sleeve of tattoos, leaving you rooted to the spot.
You’d always known him to be the different kid, the quiet one with forced sharp eyes that canonically listened to alternative rock and glared at anyone who dared approach, whether to tease him or befriend him. He’d convinced himself that no one could ever understand him.
See, you’d instead fooled yourself into thinking you were the exception. That you did understand him.
Fourteen-year-old you had gone through some weird phases, and the one that resurfaces now at the vision of his adult self is the one centered entirely around him. You unashamedly had the biggest crush on Jeongguk. To you, he was mysterious and edgy—in an effortlessly cool way.
You’d tried everything. Offered him your lunch more times than you were left with any for yourself. Even cut your bangs to have them fall over your eyes to mimic his fringe, dyed a strand in blue, overhauled your wardrobe to align with his back-and-grey one. None of it worked. He never noticed.
But, thinking of it now, there’s no way he didn't. He definitely did. How could any boy turn a blind eye to a lovesick girl’s heartfelt Valentine’s letter, a hopeless romantic girl who almost cried on the spot when she got rejected? Jeongguk just chose to willingly ignore it.
These are all valid reasons as to why your functions seem to slow down in his unexpected presence. And you’re not going to deny nor fake that his calm, almost detached demeanor doesn’t flow through your body and right to your left eye, making it twitch with a slight tremor.
Yet, you must also admit that your teenage self was onto something. Jeongguk has changed drastically but he’s also stayed the same. You think fourteen-year-old him would be proud of where he is right now. Two piercings on his lower lip and one on his eyebrow, intricate ink tracing up his muscled arm, his… muscled arms. Wow. And then, his studio. His own studio, a place for him and his passion, one that he made into his job. That’s undeniably cool.
Maybe just not cool enough for you to be gaping like an idiot as he moves with purpose, adjusting your friend’s arm to position the stencil he had prepared, perfectly fitting in the space she had chosen. His muscles flex with every shift, and it’s impossible for you to go past that with the way the black beater he’s wearing is loose on his torso, but still clinging on his chest.
Eunbi notices, of course. You don’t have time to feel embarrassed and in return she doesn’t even try to hide her amusement when your usual chatter dries up entirely, only gulping obnoxiously noisily and alternating that with nervous silences. Jeongguk, too, catches on.
He’d always known you as obnoxious and noisy. In, huh, a good way. Or whatever.
Jeongguk just agrees that you were (and probably still are, if the pastel yellow skirt softly flowing down your legs paired with a cozy cream sweater and the full toothed grin you shoot at your friend are any indicators) the pinpoint embodiment of his opposite. You’ve always been talkative, smiley, and friendly, eager to help and to receive help, not in the slightest ever turning down the opportunity to blabber on, and on, and on.
Honestly, Jeongguk doesn’t think he ever truly listened to a single word of your rambling back in the day, especially during those times when you’d bounce up to him and launch into enthusiastic rants about obscure alternative bands he himself hadn’t even heard of. He respected the hustle, though. He’d always wondered where you found the time and energy to immerse yourself in music like that.
He much preferred when you were less trying so hard to be him and mirror his tastes, more when you gave up on impressing him and simply stayed true to yourself, the girl whose heart belonged to Justin Bieber and One Direction. Truthfully, he fucked with them. Not that he’d ever admit it, of course. His quiet, brooding image wouldn’t survive that revelation.
What he respected the most was your resilience. After all the times he rejected you and your awkward blurts of confessions, you still didn’t think it was enough of a reason for your villain origin story to take off, and instead remained the same frustratingly positive ray of sunshine you’d always been.
Now, as Jeongguk works on the tattoo in front of him, the very design that caused all these long-buried memories to rise back, his dark eyes flick toward you sitting on a stool in a near corner every now and then, a hint of confusion in his expression each time you take more than five seconds to reply to his small talk.
It’s just, you’re a bit taken aback. Since when does he do small talk? The foreign smoothness with which Jeongguk handles interactions is so far removed from the sullen boy you used to know. You’re not prepared for this version of him. It’s disarming, to say the least.
Enough time has passed for you to settle into the odd scenario, your current best friend and your long-standing high school crush in the same room. Slowly but surely, your curiosity sparkles again, and the signature tendency to let thoughts tumble out of your mouth unchecked returns to you naturally.
“Ouch, that looks painful.”
Jeongguk snorts, eyes trained on Eunbi’s arm as he glides the tattoo needle with precise strokes that have his brows pinching and the tip of his tongue peeking out from the corner of his lips, a habit you remember from the past but one you’ve never found quite so distracting before.
Still, he multitasks and responds without missing a beat, “Wanna try?”
Wow. This is, like, the longest conversation you’ve ever had with him. It spurs you on to do anything it takes to hear more of his voice, the sound of it definitely deeper than the shy tones you struggled to coax out of him ten years ago.
That is probably why you literally lie, “Hm. Maybe. I was thinking of getting one actually. In the future.”
Eunbi chokes on her spit, her chest coughing with the sudden, blatantly fake revelation, and Jeongguk promptly pauses, lifting the needle from her skin as his tattooist reflexes kick in. While your friend apologizes between a clearing of her throat and sinks back into the chair, she doesn’t keep from glaring at you, her expression screaming What the hell are you doing?
You deadpan. You’ll explain everything later and it’ll all make sense. And you know this will inevitably end up being added to the list of the many embarrassing facts she knows about you and threatens you with when she wants to go clubbing and you don’t.
Jeongguk uses the brief interruption to glance up at where you’re perched in the corner of his peripheral vision, just to square you up and down with a skeptical arch of his brow, “Really?”
You scoff, smoothing out the creases on your skirt as if the fabric is somehow responsible for the lie you just told, “Is that shocking?”
He hums, returning to his work with the buzz of the needle filling the studio again, his voice padded the more he gets closer to Eunbi’s forearm, “I just find it hard to believe such a princess like you could handle any pain.”
You gulp.
What you’re getting from this conversation is that Jeongguk has always had an idea of who you are in his mind all along. That he’s always perceived you in some way. As much as your inner fourteen-year-old is swooning at the attention, gobbling up each of the tiny crumbles he’s giving you, it doesn’t sit right with you. What exactly does he think of you?
“Test me.”
He shrugs, eyes fixated on the shade he’s perfectioning with black ink, “Busy now.”
“I’ll go pay for mine. I saw you have one last free spot today,” you announce, the words tumbling out with more confidence than you feel. You’re already on your feet before the sentence is fully formed, betraying the fact that your nosy tendencies had gotten the better of you earlier. You’d discreetly glanced at his appointment book when Jeongguk and Eunbi were finalizing her tattoo details and negotiating the final price at the desk.
He hums, head tilting slightly, “And I wanted to spend it bumming around.”
“Too bad. You’ll have to postpone that.”
You walked into this studio swearing you’d never let a needle even brush you.
Now you’re stretched out on a leather bench, Jeongguk leaning over you with a stencil in hand, gloved fingers moving with careful precision.
The design you’d chosen came from his portfolio—a delicate illustration of two butterflies in motion, their soft threads intertwining. You’d flipped through countless pages of bold skulls and intricate linework before settling on this.
The spot you’d chosen for the tattoo was the flat, firm plane between your breasts. It wasn’t a conscious decision, just a place you’d always liked. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that nature hadn’t exactly blessed you in the cleavage department. Subconsciously, perhaps, you thought that adding something there might give the illusion of more.
“Tehe,” you can’t stop the breathy giggle that escapes as the cool paper brushes against your skin. Your hand is pressed to your bra, holding it in place as best you can, though the situation feels so surreal it’s hard to focus on anything but the ridiculousness of it all.
Jeongguk glances up at you with a glare that’s more exasperated than angry before returning to the delicate task at hand, “What’s funny?”
Your voice wobbles, “I just— I tend to laugh during serious moments.”
“Oh. Weird.”
“Sorry.”
With a small sigh, he smooths the stencil, and once it’s transferred he hands you a square mirror, waiting for your approval. You nod, the butterflies now perfectly poised in their eternal dance, and Jeongguk doesn’t waste a moment.
The buzz of the needle fills the room as he leans closer, one gloved hand resting on the upper part of your chest to steady himself. He’s mere seconds from beginning the inking process when another laugh bubbles out of you.
Jeongguk sits back abruptly, dropping his pen onto the metal tray with an audible clink. Tilting his head, he levels you with a look of thinly veiled irritation. “I really can’t work if your chest keeps moving.”
“Sorry,” you blurt again, turning your head to face the wall. You clamp your lips together tightly, mentally scrolling through every sad memory you can conjure. Think of something awful. Your childhood dog dying. Okay, maybe not that sad—
“You haven’t changed a bit since high school. Always smiling like you live surrounded by flowers and rainbows,” Jeongguk’s mutter vibrates against your chest, warm breath fanning over the cold skin, distracting you from your no-giggling mission.
The unexpected observation has your brows furrowing in a mildly offended frown, and banter is ready on your tongue. “You’re just the same too, Gguk. The emo boy who thinks he’s too cool for a smile.”
“I’m not an emo boy. The fuck,” he scoffs, kissing his teeth and murmuring more of his indignation under his breath.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night. I can teach you.”
The whirring needle glides across your skin with a slightly firmer touch, making you hiss softly under your breath. He seems unbothered by the reaction, and instead bothered by your words, “Teach me what.”
“How to smile a bit more,” you reply, your voice laced with mockery as you keep your gaze firmly fixed on the wall. The smirk playing on your lips is triumphant; he walked right into your little jab, hehe.
Your mind is already racing, piecing together the beginning of a sarcastic rant about how his perpetual scowl probably contributed to his mysterious high school persona. For the sake of his ego, you won’t add how it worked in his favor, how more than one girl (your own self) found his untouchable vibe completely irresistible.
Even though, thinking back, he looked ridiculous. His big, round, slightly scared-of-the-world eyes truly didn’t belong with the heavy black eyeliner.
But before you can get a single word out, Jeongguk straightens his posture, pulling away from your chest. With a practiced motion, he tosses one of his gloves onto the counter behind him, his expression cool and indifferent. “It’s done.”
“Done?!” you exclaim, tilting your chin down to look at your chest. You go slightly cross-eyed trying to catch a glimpse of the design now inked onto your skin. Forever.
“Yes.”
“I didn’t even feel it.”
Jeongguk seems equally done with small talk, transitioning into a professional explanation of the tattoo’s aftercare step. His tone is calm but clipped, and you can’t tell if it’s his usual demeanor or just reserved for you. He also hands you a small tube of cream of which you’re not sure the use of, too enthralled by the vision of his colored sleeve this up close.
And still laying on the leather bed, you almost reach to trace one of the many lines with your finger before he interrupts, “You can pay with Yoongi at the entrance.”
Clearing your throat, you sit up, brushing imaginary dust off your skirt as Jeongguk turns his back to you, his focus already back on cleaning his tools. You still are not over, “Thank you, Jeongguk. Can I— huh. Can I get your number?”
He pauses mid-motion, just long enough for the silence to stretch thin and taut. Turning around to study your features, he stares you up and down with knitted brows and a hostile kind of confusion painting his expression. “… For what exactly?”
“In case anything happens with the tattoo.”
Jeongguk stills for a second, eyes narrowing slightly, then turns back to what’s keeping him so occupied with a noncommittal grunt, “Huh. Sure. Yoongi has my business cards at the desk. You can ask him. Have a good day.”
With Eunbi practically dragging you out of the room, you don’t have the chance to say anything more, though your chest burns with indignation. It’s not that you expect him to fall over himself at the chance to catch up, but the sheer indifference is maddening.
Should you pretend you don’t care either? You could. But really, who are you fooling? You still have those old diaries buried somewhere in your closet, their pages crammed with his name written in looping, lovesick cursive. That little girl in you never truly died.
On the fourth day of December, you finally text him. It’s about your tattoo, of course. There’s not much else to say to him, but when his only reply to your picture of the healing process is a yellow thumbs up, you find your fingers hovering over the keyboard. Words start forming before you’ve fully processed them, and before you know it, you hit send.
You [3:39 p.m]: btw u still friends with kim tae?
jeongguk [3:42 p.m.]: Yes
jeongguk [3:42 p.m.]: He’s my best friend
You [3:43 p.m.]: ohhh, cool
jeongguk [3:45 p.m.]: You want his number?
You [3:46 p.m.]: no… i’m good with yours ☺️
You can’t help but giggle at how his typing bubbles appear and then fade for a whole minute, biting your lower lip with a sheepish grin, savoring the silent victory. You’re doing this for your fourteen-year-old self, who would’ve squealed at the thought of making Jeon Jeongguk flustered. But you’re a different girl now. You’ve changed. No man could ever reject—
jeongguk [3:48 p.m.]: If there’s nothing else about the tattoo then 👋
“Hmph,” your frown is so pronounced that you feel your chin aching and your wrinkles prematurely deepening. Well, this is not the first time you come face first with his sour antics. Only now, you’re prepared.
You [3:48 p.m.]: yall hanging out soon? let me join
jeongguk [3:49 p.m.]: Why lol
jeongguk [3:49 p.m.]: He barely even remembers you probs
You [3:50 p.m.]: who would not remember me
jeongguk [3:50 p.m.]: The only thing i’m now remembering about you is how I couldn’t stand your ass
You gasp, hand coming up to brush against your parted lips. With a huff, you hastily click at your keyboard, “Mean. Sent. Ugh.”
On the sixth day of December, your persistence pays off, and you find yourself at a random bar you’d never been to before, seated with both Jeongguk and Taehyung.
Between Jeongguk’s cigarette breaks—forcing the three of you to brave the cold outside—and brief moments in corners of the cramped place where the music feels muffled against the walls, you manage to catch up with Taehyung. The rest of the time though, the noise inside is so deafening that it makes any kind of meaningful conversation impossible.
Even more when a random girl slides into the booth next to him, capturing his attention entirely, leaving you and Jeongguk in paradoxical silence.
The tattoo artist has been glued to his phone with his head down for the last 20 minutes, and now you alternate between observing his side profile, roughened by the piercings and a more defined jawline, and analysing the weird dynamic that is beginning to form between Taehyung and the girl, sitting in front of you.
Alone with your thoughts and, well, the pulsating music, you feel yourself getting unreasonably closer to symptoms you know all too well, that threaten to have you spiraling. You shake your head, forcing it to stop. There’s no reason for anxiety to visit you at such an inconvenient time.
But of course, the little voice in your head starts listing all the totally valid motives why this is indeed the perfect time for it to visit you.
The bar feels suffocating on your skin.
Your dress clings too tightly.
The couple facing you is shamelessly close to making out.
Jeongguk sighs in visible boredom.
You shouldn’t have come. Hell, you shouldn't have suggested it in the first place. A smarter version of yourself would have brought Eunbi for balance, for comfort. But in your foolishness, you thought this could be an opportunity for you and Jeongguk to catch up. Instead, you feel foreign to him, foreign to this pub booth, and the air begins to feel foreign to your lungs. You’ve never liked bars, clubs, or places with loud music.
You sniffle, looking down at your lap. Then up at the ceiling. Then around the room. It keeps spinning and booming with volume that only adds to the feeling of helplessness. Quick, quick, quick.
What are five things that you can see?
Five. Your gaze falls on Taehyung and the girl, their lips and tongues clumsily entangled as they laugh between sloppy kisses. No help there. The air catches harder in your throat.
Four. Your empty glass, its smudged rim a reminder of the single drink you had, now sitting uncomfortably in your stomach.
Three. Your scuffed heels, their tips worn to the nub despite your best efforts to hide it with a marker.
Two. The swirling lights above the bar, dizzying as they flash brighter and brighter.
One. Jeongguk’s tattooed hand on your thigh.
His fingers dig into the skin, shaking you alarmedly, with a force you’ve never known from him, not even when it came to stopping your shaking stomach as you were laying on the studio’s leather bed.
Head snapping up to face him, you’re met with a perfect resemblance of how you must look right now. Wide eyes, knitted brows, nose flaring and exhaling, and you try to follow the movements of his mouth, but they jumble together annoyingly in your brain. You lean closer, narrowed orbs still fixated on his lips to try and read them. Are… you… ok—
“___, you’re scaring me. Hey, hello? Are you okay?”
Jeongguk moves from your thigh to your shoulders, jolting you gently but firmly from the fog that is threatening to cloud up your brain. The sudden clarity hits you, but you still stumble forward, your weight toppling over his chest. With it, your head dips rapidly, hurtling toward the sharp edge of the table, and before Jeongguk knows it his instinct snaps and he catches you promptly.
The next steps blur together. You vaguely register the boy next to you standing up and pulling you along with him, his broad shoulders supporting one of your arms while his inked one secures around the small of your waist, holding you firmly against him.
Then, it’s nothing but brief flashes. Jeongguk pressing a water bottle to your lips. Sitting you down on the stairs outside the pub. Holding your hair back as you double over, emptying the contents of your stomach onto the pavement. Cracking a smile to make you laugh, showing off his tattoos in exaggerated detail like it’s the grandest tour of your life. Opening the door to his car and gently easing you into the passenger seat, ensuring the seatbelt clicks into place.
Inside his car, you slowly feel your senses come back to you.
At a redlight that you recognise as the one near your apartment complex, you muster a small and hoarse thank you. Jeongguk only hums low, eyes fixated on the road and fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel.
Before a sheepish smile can make its way on your lips and spread across your face, your head twitches back as your brows furrow. Your thoughts suddenly catch up with you, “Hey, how do you know the way to my flat?”
His gaze briefly flicks toward you in annoyance, then back to the road. “You literally just told me.”
“Oh.” A beat passes before you giggle softly. “Don’t remember.”
Jeongguk mutters something intelligible under his breath, and next thing you know he’s turning down your street and slowing in front of the building that matches the number you gave him. Given your current state, he begins to question if that is even the right one.
“This one!” You point at the tall front gate with an almost childlike excitement, back shifting slightly from the seat as your grin stretches wide. Jeongguk grimaces. Why the fuck do you look like you’ve been reuinted with your home after years apart, as if you weren’t there just a couple hours ago?
“Right. Huh, you good with going back on your own?”
“Yes. I’d hate to bother you further. I’m sorry for this, I… was getting better, I guess.”
The sad confession doesn’t land with the weight it should, softened by the smile painted on your lips and the chuckle you let out as if it were nothing. Jeongguk’s eyelid twitches, unsettled by the unnecessary happiness that always seems to drip from you, even when it doesn’t belong.
“‘S okay. Have a good night,” he awkwardly bows his head, waiting for you to exit the car. When you stay still, he clears his throat, adding just to fill the silence, and perhaps because he means it, “Huh, and make sure to rest a lot.”
You take a moment, maybe longer than you should, to study his features up this close. You particularly fixate on the way his eyes dart everywhere but never land on yours. Then, with your signature toothy grin, you bow back and open the car door, leaving with a string of thank yous, and get home safe, and I’ll text you, and please, reply to me, and bye.
Jeongguk has to fight a smile of his own.
On the tenth day of December, you realise you want him. Even more badly than your fourteen-year-old self ever did. Which is frankly insane.
You don’t know if it was the natural way he looked after you during your episode, or his dry sarcasm as he actually started replying to your random updates throughout the day.
But no, it was definitely the selfie he sent you after what he said was a long day. Messy hair, tired eyes, a hint of a smile. You’d struggled to even gulp down your saliva when the picture popped up in your chat, and maniacally stared at it with eyes glued to the bright screen before sending one of your own. He had replied with Cute. followed by Your hair pin is cute.
That is why you find yourself facing… Yoongi? If you remember correctly. The guy at the front desk of Jeongguk’s studio.
You beam at him, and what you’re met with instead is a confused stare. You inhale, “Hi. Is Jeongguk in?”
Yoongi scratches his head, muttering, “He’s busy with a client.”
“Oh. It’s okay,” you wave off his concern. “Can I wait here?”
The boy hesitates, looks unsure the more your interaction develops, and he glances between you and the empty waiting area. He relents with furrowed brows, “Sure… Huh, It’s a back tattoo, so it’ll take him a while.”
You shrug and plop yourself onto the leather sofa, seemingly unfazed, “I like waiting.”
Crossing your legs, you take in the studio’s atmosphere, eyes drifting to the dark walls lined with framed artwork and certificates. You spot Jeongguk’s name on many of those.
For the next fifteen minutes, you try distracting yourself by flipping through the stack of tattoo magazines on the coffee table. You wince at inked heads, faces, butts, and even… more private parts. Deciding this world is definitely not for you, you slam the book shut.
By the time an hour passes, you’re fighting a battle with your lack of sleep. The third yawn you manage to stifle, but the fourth escapes before you can stop it. Yoongi, seated at the desk, doesn’t bother hiding his unimpressed stare. Still, he’s polite enough to offer you a glass of water, a coffee, or even a chance to join him for a cigarette break.
You decline all of it, though your throat does feel dry.
Maybe you should have planned this with a bit of rationality. Or at least gotten more sleep. Now, your every blink is slower, eyelids batting to shut and taking longer to flutter open again. Hm, this feels nice. You’ll just let them rest for a bit longer. And longer. And a bit more.
The next time you open your eyes, Jeongguk’s face is inches away, his warm hand resting firmly on your arm. You jolt upright with a startled yelp.
“Jeongguk.”
He raises an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth quirking up in an unmistakably mocking smirk. “Hey. You don’t have a bed?”
You sit up, forcing Jeongguk to step back and straighten to his full height. Your neck cranes upward to glare at him, brows furrowed in what you hope is an intimidating glare, though you sport a pout that is all but menacing, “Shut up.”
He clicks his tongue, turning back to round the desk and fiddle with the appointment book, clearly unbothered. You take the moment to rub your eyes—only to remember, too late, that you’d worn makeup. A quick glance around reveals how much has changed since you last let your eyelids flutter open. The lights in the studio are dim, the hallway is dark, and every door is shut. Yoongi is nowhere in sight. It’s just the two of you in the deathly quiet space.
You gasp, pressing a hand to your parted lips, “Did I fall asleep? I'm so sorry. I was probably really tired from yesterday.”
Jeongguk hums, focus still locked on the book in front of him, eyes narrowed. He doesn’t look up, doesn’t ask why you came here in the first place, and doesn’t acknowledge your apology. Ugh. This is humiliating.
Before you can stand, you feel something heavy draped over your body. It’s a jacket. Definitely not yours, since you never took it off. At least not consciously. No, this is a worn black leather one on which his scent lingers. You tug it closer, puzzled, and then look up at him, holding it out. “Did I steal this in my sleep?”
Jeongguk scrunches his nose, “Ew, are you a sleepwalker?” Locking the till, he strolls over to you and plucks the jacket from you, casually slipping it on. “No, I put it on you. Wanted to see how long someone could feel safe enough to pass out in my studio. Thinking of turning this place into a daycare. I’ll have you play in the morning, get some lunch, nap time...”
There’s a beat of silence in which his sarcasm lingers in the air, and you stare at him, unamused. He shrugs, smirk unwavering.
You huff, “I regret coming here.”
“Yeah, why did you come here?”
Smoothing down your pink wool sweater, you stand up to stretch with zero shame. Then, fluttering your lashes at him, you assert with a smile, “You’re coming with me to the Christmas markets. This Sunday.”
Jeongguk groans like the idea physically pains him, “Oh, I would fucking hate that.”
Ignoring him, you zip up your puffer jacket and rock on your toes, “Pick me up at seven, okay?”
He glares, unimpressed at your excitement, before heading toward the entrance and pulling a hefty set of keys from his pocket, “I don’t even remember where you live.”
You hurry after him, following him outside and shuffling closer in your coat at the cold air hitting you. Watching as he locks the door and pulls down the rolling shutter with its red-and-black skull graffiti, you chirp, “You’ll have to text me for that.”
Jeongguk rises up again, giving you a slow once-over. He seems distracted by your hair before snorting, “You’re talking like I’m the one who spent their afternoon napping in my studio just to drop this bomb and leave. Couldn’t you just text me this?”
You shrug innocently. He sighs, reaching out for you, “Do you need a ride hom—”
“Bye!”
You spin on your heel and skip off in the opposite direction before he can let his own greeting out, waving a gloved hand behind you. Jeongguk stays where he is, arm still held out.
Do you even have a car? He hopes so—it’s freezing out.
With another sigh, he shakes his head and tugs his jacket tighter around himself. Why are you so fucking weird?
On the fourteenth day of December, your arm is looped tightly through Jeongguk’s as you stroll through the Christmas markets, burying your face further in your scarf to shield against the icy air, and with each few step you gasp at things that the boy next to you finds utterly unimpressive.
You stop at nearly every stand, eyes glowing with the warm Christmas fairy lights strung all around, effortlessly picking up conversations with the vendors and melting even the most stoic faces with the scrunching of your nose at every grin and the exaggerated nods following descriptions of their crafts.
Through all of it, Jeongguk remains put at your side, his arm linked with yours and a subtle pout on his lips. When you tease him about it, he simply shrugs, and you figure it’s just his natural expression. You find that oddly endearing.
He still humors your enthusiasm, offering low hums or murmured praise whenever you exclaim you’ve finally found what you’ve been searching for everywhere, and he offers to pay every time, the gesture so casual that he doesn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest.
When you bow to the nth seller, clutching yet another bag of sweet treats tightly to your chest, Jeongguk exhales and resumes slow walking beside you, “I don't like these places.”
You glance up at him, fluffy hat almost slipping off before he promptly secures it back on your head with a gesture so smooth you hardly notice it. You instead wonder, “Then why are we here now?”
He slips his hand into his pocket, “Because you threatened me.”
“With a really good time.”
“If this is your version of a good time, you might as well kick me in the balls. That probably feels better.”
You gasp, halting in your tracks to glare at him. When he lets a small chuckle topple out of him, you think you might forgive him. No, you’re more than sure with the way his smile lingers. You sheepishly look away, muttering, “Don’t tempt me, emo boy.”
“I’m not—”
“Oh yes, you are,” you interrupt, snapping your face back to his. Clearing your throat, you prepare your best imitation of him, exaggerating a frown and lowering your voice, “I’m so different, I hate Christmas.”
Jeongguk scoffs, pulling you tighter to him when a scooter unexpectedly zips past you. You yelp, instinctively shuffling closer to his arm. He continues the conversation casually, unaffected, “That’s the worst impression of me I’ve ever heard. And also, I never said that.”
Releasing the breath you held for a moment too long, you uncertainly keep your slow stroll going, only narrowing your orbs at him, “It’s written all over your face.”
“I love Christmas.”
The admission is small, his voice soft and almost reluctant, like it pains him to reveal something so simple and obvious as loving Christmas. When you lean your chin on the puffed arm of his jacket, he doesn’t look down at you, his gaze fixed ahead, guiding the two of you through the chaos of the busy street.
You chirp, your steps stumbling, ��Really?
Only then he shifts his attention to you, steadying you with his other arm wrapping around your figure in what seems like a hug, before he lifts you up by the neck of your coat and retreats just enough to face you. His lips press into a straight line as he nods, a flicker of vulnerability in his eyes the more he stares in yours, “Yeah, really. I just don’t like… crowded spaces.”
You can’t help but think back to what happened just a week ago. The exact reason why the spirals in your brain wouldn’t stop twisting and tangling is now slipping from his lips in a voice that quietens as he seems to grasp the delicacy of his own confession.
He doesn’t like the way you’re looking at him. Drawn-up brows over wide and sparkling eyes—the only part of your face visible beneath your scarf—stare at him with something too tender, too focused, that makes him uneasy. He turns his head to the side, the tips of his ears red not only from the cold, and pulls you along toward another stand, an almost nervous distraction.
It’s your turn to frown. Maybe the one that’s permanently plastered on his face tonight isn’t just a reflection of his usual sullen demeanor. With a knot tightening in your chest, you can’t help but feel like you dragged him into something he truly hated, and that he wasn’t just pretending to.
What if this isn’t just your evil inner voice talking? What if this isn’t just overthinking, but the factual truth of your current reality? He’s hating every second of this but still enduring it because— you catch your breath with a long and strained inhale, because—
“Hey, dimples. You okay?”
Jeongguk moves to stand in front of you, his hands settling gently on your shoulders, a stance eerily reminiscent of that night you were just thinking back to. He nods at you, “Breathe with me, hm?”
You find yourself quickly adjusting to his comforting aura, drawn in by the reassurance in his eyes trained on you, never wavering, watching closely as you begin to mirror the measured rise and fall of his chest, your breathing gradually syncing with his until the tightness in your chest starts to ease.
When you feel your feet touching the ground again, you offer a small, apologetic smile. “I’m okay. Sorry. Just…” You quickly scan your surroundings, eyes landing on a colorful stand, “Wait here a second, okay?”
Jeongguk lets you slip away, fingers twitching slightly at his sides. He takes a few hesitant steps closer, careful not to crowd you but unable to tear his eyes away from your next actions, how your grin comes back on your lips with unpracticed ease, lighting up your face as easy talk flows between you and the seller. A few coins trade hands, and soon you’re holding two churros, their chocolate-dipped ends threatening to drip onto the ground.
You don’t hesitate, biting into one of them before it has the chance to make a mess, and with a quick nod of your head you motion for Jeongguk to follow. He does so, only after taking the churros from your hands, and letting you seek his warmth again with an arm snaking under his. He’s only letting you do this because it’s fucking cold, no other reason.
You walk, and walk, guiding him along until you find a quieter corner, away from the bustle, where you two stand isolated from the rest. The dim lighting casts a softer glow, and the distant hum of chatter and music fades into a gentle background noise.
Glancing up at him, you flash a playful smile before leaning in to bite another chunk of the churro he’s holding, your laughter spilling out as he grimaces in exaggerated disgust and pulls the sweet out of your reach. You settle onto a nearby bench, patting the empty spot beside you invitingly.
Jeongguk is unsure of what this means. He takes slow steps towards you, handing you your churro—which you take eagerly, already chewing on it—before tilting his head back in mild confusion, “But… you wanted to visit the markets.”
You shake your head, your bug eyes meeting his as you speak around a mouthful of sugar and chocolate, “There’s no point if you’re not going to enjoy it.”
The look you’re giving him is one he’s seen countless times before—familiar, and annoyingly reminiscent of ten years ago. It’s the same look that, he’s convinced, is solely responsible for making his knees weak and his fingers jittery, no longer something he can blame on the cold. You’re unbelievably frustrating.
He clicks his tongue, looking away, “You’re fucking weird.”
You giggle, humming, “If weird is a synonym for whipped, then sure.”
He has to fight the twitch of his lips. Fakes a gag instead. You chuckle louder. Only then, he hints at a smile, “C’mon. Let’s go check out some other stuff.”
“But—”
He interrupts, pulling you up by your forearm, “I’m hungry.”
The next hour you spend wandering around is made of Jeongguk’s small, imperceptible ways of cracking: his pout less prominent, more replaced by lips pulled into a tight line or in a mildly pursued scowl as you ask him which beanie looks better—the pink or purple one; his so evident sarcasm as he comments on how the old vendor was totally flirting with you, or when he mockingly adds to your over-the-top excitement every time you spot a dog. All in all, he’s more relaxed. More himself.
You then find yourself standing in front of the churros stall from earlier, the warm scent tugging you closer. Without hesitation, you ask the lady behind the counter for another four churros—this time with extra sugar. You add two thank yous.
To fill the waiting, you pick up casual conversation with the woman, until she pauses mid-sentence, wrinkled hand coming to rest over her heart as her gaze flits between you and Jeongguk, her crinkled eyes lighting with a sudden fondness and a quiet, content smile finds its space on her chapped lips, “You two look perfect together.”
Jeongguk snorts, “Oh, we’re not—”
“Thank you, auntie!” You chirp, and your grin is so wide it squeezes your eyes into crescents. You accept the first churro she hands over, biting into it and talking through it, “These are delicious. Is the recipe a secret or can you share it with me?”
The woman laughs, clearly flustered by your energy, and leans in with a conspiratorial expression, though she gives in pretty soon, “It is a secret, but… Oh, c’mon. A pretty lady like you deserves to know.”
You burst into chuckles, joined by auntie’s own rolling and carrying a contrasting warmth to the cold air. Jeongguk, for his part, stands slightly to the side, observing. You still cling to his arm, even as the vendor reaches over to gently smooth her fingers through your curls, complimenting the way they frame your face. You roll your eyes, feigning exasperation, but there’s a dimpled smile stretching on your cheeks that gives you away.
Before you leave, the lady points to Jeongguk, voice growing earnest, “You, handsome. I can see you’re a good guy, so you probably don’t need my advice. But treat her right, yes?”
Jeongguk stills for a second and stumbles over an awkward nod, managing to force a smile that has you stifling a laugh under your scarf. You tug him away with a cheerful wave to your new friend, promising her you’ll come visit again before Christmas.
Once you’re at a safe distance, he mutters, “Why did you not tell her that we’re not together?”
You tilt your head considering his question, “It’s not like she knows us. She looked like she adored you. I didn’t want to ruin that for her. Maybe seeing a young couple like us really means a lot to her.”
Jeongguk observes how the more you explain, the more you’re convincing yourself as much as him, eventually solidifying your reasoning as you nod, muttering some more under your breath. He scoffs, looking away to hide his lips twitching.
When he turns back he’s frowning, though it doesn’t quite match the way he lets you hook arms again, your pastel pink bag hanging from his shoulders. Still, he sulks as though the mere thought of your observation has him shivering, and not with the cold, “We’re not a couple.”
Jeongguk barely gets to let his unnecessarily petty comment out before you drag him with an unusual strength over to another stand, his voice not even touching your ears, “Oh, let’s go over there, Gguk!”
On the twenty-first day or December, you send him a picture of your tattoo.
You had been talking non-stop ever since your… date? Or was it just a hangout? Whatever it was, it’s been a week, and Jeongguk finds himself smiling at a fucking screen too many times a day for his linking. It’s irritating. Even brings his phone with him to the bathroom in case you text him. Not because he cares. No, it’s practical. What if you ever had an emergency and he was the only one who could help?
Most of the time it’s just you sending TikToks, but he clicks on the links with the same urgency he’d reply to a genuine plea for help. He doesn’t really want to think of the reason why.
Now, this picture—it catches Jeongguk off guard.
It doesn’t even look like it’s about the tattoo. Not really. It feels like an excuse, a flimsy pretext for you to show yourself to him. The tattoo—the one he himself inked—is there, yes. But it’s not at all the main focus of the photo that tightens his grip on his phone.
You’re wearing a thin, pink tank top with delicate lace trim, the straps barely clinging to your shoulders. Your fingers hook under the neckline, tugging it down just enough to expose the tattoo nestled between the soft curve of your breasts. The angle of the shot is deliberate, he can tell. Your back arches slightly off what he assumes is your bed, and your face is cropped out, save for your glossed lips, full and slightly parted, catching the dim light.
Jeongguk blinks, hard. Then again. His throat bobs as he swallows thickly, the low light of his phone screen doing little to soften the image burning itself into his mind. His eyes dart upward, scanning his surroundings, just to make sure everything is in place. The shop is empty, the door is closed, the hum of quiet settles over the space.
Looking down, the picture still stares back at him paired with a single message.
Annoying [11:39 p.m.]: do you think it’s healed? idk about this stuff, need your help 🥺
He’s not stupid. He knows exactly what this is. He alternates between the photo and your words, jaw ticking and tightening more with the seconds flowing.
It’s almost cruel, the way you’re testing him like this. He tries to push the feeling down, to reject the buzz of heat pooling low in his stomach. You know him well enough to be aware that he won’t reply to something like this. A stupid, unnecessary message. The tattoo is healed—he told you that a week ago, clear as day. There’s no reason for you to ask again.
What’s the purpose of this?
He gets a distorted idea when he shifts uncomfortably in place, the dull ache tightening his pants almost unbearable now.
Jeongguk groans and locks his phone, tossing it onto the counter as if that will put an end to this. He tries to refocus on his tasks, the last ones before he clocks off. Cleaning needles, tossing used stencils.
But his heavy balls keep sending desperate, silent prayers to his brain, to please let them have this. Just this once.
It’s been a bad day. Two of his appointments canceled last minute, leaving him to sit around bored. The last client showed up drunk and wouldn’t stop trying to flirt with him. His coworkers were loud and distracting, and to top it all off, the heater broke, leaving the studio freezing cold.
It’s been such a bad day.
So, would there be any harm? It’s not like anyone will know. Not you, not his friends. He’s the only one that will. And he’s far more willing to live with this dirty secret rather than with his hard dick straining achingly in its confines.
Jeongguk abruptly snatches up his phone again, unlocking it to the same picture that caused him to brush the device aside just minutes ago. He lets out a shaky breath, thumb hovering over the screen. You won’t get no reply to him. But if you knew what he was up to right now, you would probably geek. Tease him, with your warm smile that digs dimples in your cheek, hopping on your toes to poke at his chest playfully, with those perfectly manicured hands of yours.
“Shit,” his free hand is already pushing the jeans down along with his boxers, and he drops his weight onto the nearest stool as he grips at the base of his thick cock, eyes devouring the image of you in the empty chat.
He doesn’t zoom in. That would feel too shameless. But he finds it oddly better like this. Is it weird that your text, so innocently worded, is turning him on? That the simple idea of you needing his help is enough to have his hips jerking?
What could you possibly need his help for? Fuck. The different ideas that pool his mind have him squeezing harder at his stinging tip.
Jeongguk focuses on your dainty hand, slim pointer finger snaking under the collar of your flimsy shirt to show yourself to him, and your small boobs spill from the sides with a delicious, soft swell. He hisses when he pictures that same hand working on him instead, his warm mouth stuffed with your stiff nipples, visible through the sheer material.
He can’t help the loud groan leaving his lips, wrist flickering up and down in a motion that feels sloppy way too soon, hips jutting up to fuck into his tight fist. Throwing his head back, he sees you even behind closed eyelids.
He pictures your delicate figure sprawled on his bed, long lashes batting up at him as you sheepishly hide with your cheek to your shoulder. Can clearly make out how you’d sit on his lap instead, unsteady breath fanning over his lips, using his long shaft to make yourself cum. The whole time, he sees the tattoo on your chest, the one that is forever on you, eternally a reminder of him.
When he lets his head topple forward again, his bright screen still stares at him, only because a new message pops up in the chat. He startles, and his cock throbs in his hand.
Annoying [11:52 p.m.]: oh, and i miss you.
“Oh, fuck,” the curse is strained through a loud whine, and only followed by more of his full moans filling the room. His brows knit as his hand moves rapidly, palm collecting the precum spreading embarrassingly fast on his tip and rolling it down his length.
He focuses on your parted lips, the soft curve of your breast, your hard nipples begging to be sucked and spit on. Your last text has flashes of your bug-like eyes staring up at him seizing his mind.
That’s what undoes him. He’s delirious as he lets out his every sound, freely, unchecked, not caring about how loud he is, whimpering as he gets closer to his climax. When he thinks of those eyes locking with his, kneeling before him, eager and willing to swallow his every drop, he cums. Hard.
Jeongguk pumps everything he can out of him, and it’s messy—spilling over his hand, staining his clothes, pooling on the floor. His chest heaves with the effort, and the sensation of abandon he feels is so pleasurable, energy drained but leaving him with a lightness that threatens to make his cock hard again.
Fuck. He can’t afford that happening if you’re not the one attending his needs. This won’t be enough, not until it’s you. He’s insatiable.
Jeongguk needs to hear your voice.
It’s an instinct, and he bends to it. He’s careful, making sure not to tap on the FaceTime option, because if you were to see him right now it’d be glaringly obvious.
When he looks to the side, he catches a glimpse of his reflection in the long mirror, and he visibly grimaces at the way his cheeks are flushed, the pearls of sweat coating his forehead causing his bangs to stick uncomfortably to the skin.
Guilty doesn’t even begin to cover it.
With the phone to his ear beeping to eternity, he hesitates, contemplates ending the call before you can answer. But just then, you do.
“Jeongguk! Is everything okay?”
Your voice is familiarly soft, but there’s a trace of concern. Blinking, he brings the device closer again and gulps thickly when he can make out your panting breaths. He clears his throat and puts on his best nonchalant act, “Huh— Yes. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t know… You just never call. Or text first. This is weird. You sure you’re okay?”
Oh. Is that really what it is like?
Jeongguk never realized this was how he came across—so detached that a simple phone call feels out of character. Your naive honesty hits him square in the chest. God, he needs to get better at this. The irony stings: he just fucking jerked off to your picture and the simple thought of you, while you’re on the other side thinking he’s just a careless piece of shit who doesn’t even know how to call.
The long stretch of silence registers in his brain, and he coughs to buy time, “Yes, I’m sure. I— huh,” he thinks of stuff you usually ask to keep the conversation flowing. Not out of courtesy, but out of genuine interest, the curiosity that makes people want to open up. He’s still not used to that. Still finds it weird.
“How… How was your day?”
It must be equally weird for you because it takes you a longer beat to reply. In that quiet moment, he clenches his eyes shut and feels his jaw tick with shame. And embarrassment. And this icky feeling that makes him feel too mushy for his liking. Hell, what is he doing? He’s never been like this, he’s not supposed to be like this.
But you recover quickly, as you always do, and you smooth over the moment. Fix it all for him like you were born to be just that. Make him feel like he fits in ways that have him exhaling shakily.
Jeongguk senses a foreign drumming in his stomach, and it’s warm but odd, and he loves it but he doesn’t want to.
On the twenty-fifth day of December, cheekily under a mistletoe, Jeongguk realizes he wants you. There’s parts of him that probably knew way sooner. But the parts of him that didn’t, fighting tooth and nail to suppress the mere thought, are just now finally surrendering.
Jeongguk has always found you admirable, back in high school. You had this determination to you. Not only when it came to him. It shone particularly when you catered to others, always finding ways to help, to mend, to offer yourself with nothing less than a fully toothed smile.
But he’s also always thought you two were—and still are—too different to work. He can’t be what you want, let alone what you deserve: someone who can match your enthusiasm and unwavering smiles, your frustrating positivity; someone who sees the world the way you do. No black, no grey, no shades in between. Just bright, hopeful white. Blinding white.
It’s the white making him dizzy, shifting his perspective, having him believing the opposite of what he’s always known. Pushing to be a little more egoistical, deceiving himself that he’s right for you. Because he wants to be. He oh, so selfishly wants people to know he’s the one who finally gets to have you, the one gifted with such a light, unfairly deserving of all the love you carry into every room you walk into.
Just a few days ago, during another one of your increasingly frequent phone calls, you asked him what he was doing for Christmas. He could have lied, come up with something on the spot.
But with how you so easily, and always coax the truth out of him, he let it slip. He told you he’d be alone, words subtly heavy. But they didn’t have the chance to even drop their weight before you were already inviting him to your friend’s party, insisting that he would be the most welcome.
And he’s here, and he sits beside you, and every time you laugh you lean your weight over him, and the room vibrates with the energy you fill it with, and each one of your friends is so enamoured with you, and for reasons he can’t fully understand it fills him with a sense of pride that shouldn’t belong to him. But it does, and it comes with so many other feelings.
You don’t push him to talk. You never force him into the spotlight when he takes a step back, quietly observing, choosing to stay in the background. Because you read him like it’s in your nature to do so, your soul seems to intuitively melt with his, and it intertwines in such a tight knot that he feels it constrict his throat. He knows he’s still alive because his heart is beating, just a little faster with each time you flash your dimples at him.
“Dimples. What are you doing, hm?”
Now, he’s in front of you, a small smile on his lips as you stand on your tiptoes, trying to dangle the mistletoe over both your heads. You’re struggling just a little, your hand unable to reach high enough, and the fake plant awkwardly brushes his hair, the tickling sensation causing his nose to scrunch. You laugh.
Looking up at your swinging movements, you lose your balance for the slightest second. Jeongguk’s hands move instinctively, catching you promptly by the waist to steady your body. But even after that, he doesn’t shift, his warm palms stilling. And when you face him, he’s closer and his chest brushes against yours. From this proximity, he witnesses the Christmas lights painting a galaxy of their own in your orbs.
You beam, “What does it look like? We have to kiss now.”
Jeongguk stares in your expectant eyes, brows wiggling and all. The more his mouth keeps in a straight line, the more the wiggling slows. You eventually come down from your tiptoes, letting the mistletoe fall to the side, tilting your head.
He snorts, looking away briefly to hide an embarrassingly wide grin behind his hand. When he turns back to you, your pout is enough to have him scrambling to meet your gaze.
“On one condition, though.”
You chirp, “Yeah?”
He licks his teeth, reserving you with a smug look, “Admit that you were scared to get your tattoo.”
Your smile vanishes in an instant, your expression falling into mock offense. With a dramatic roll of your eyes, you turn on your heel, pretending to walk away from him. Pretending, only because you know he won’t let you. And you’re proven right when his fingers wrap around your arm, tugging you back with enough force to spin you into him. Suddenly, you’re pressed so close you can feel the heat radiating from him. Your chin nearly touches his chest as you glare up at him, narrowed eyes meeting the mischievous glint in his.
He bites a smile, lips twitching, “C’mon, princess. You wanted to act all tough and shit, but I could feel you shaking.”
Your scoff is loud and incredulous, “You’re such a bitch.”
He only shrugs, “You want my kiss, no?”
“Oh my god,” groaning, it’s your turn to face the side to hide a grin, “Are you always this cocky?”
His chin tilts upward slightly, and you can tell he’s enjoying this, “Say it.”
You whip back around to meet him with a seriousness he hardly ever sees on you, and you even clear your throat, channeling every ounce of the determination he knows you for, every drop of resolve that makes you you. “Yes. I was scared shitless, Jeongguk.”
Foreign excitement brims out of him, not before his eyes widen just a fraction, and his nose scrunches the more he leans closer to you, inches from you, swinging side to side with exaggerated mockery and a grin splitting his face, “See! I knew—hmph.”
There’s no other second to waste.
The condition has been met, and now all the requirements for you to claim what you were promised, your reward, are there. Even more when kissing him means catching him mid-taunt and silencing whatever teasing remark he had ready.
Your lips touch his in effortless ease, breaking the air as they press together. It’s tentative at first, almost uncertain as you feel Jeongguk remain still.
But it doesn’t take him longer to move, mouth molding against yours in a sickeningly sweet hug, tasting each other with quiet curiosity, taking your time to adjust and melt, instructing your bodies to imitate the dance.
Your arms lock around his neck, his stronger and tattooed ones circle your waist, and the way you click together feels so right, almost too perfect, so perfect it scares you. When you arch yourself further into him, even the non-existent space between you unbearable, he accompanies the motion with his wide palms gliding along your back, squeezing you into him, feeling the curve of your hips.
The soft whine that scratches your throat and vibrates against his lips betrays you, along with the useless effort to contain the intensity of what you’re feeling. The emotion disarms you, the sound gasping in your chest, but in Jeongguk’s arms it feels safe to let go.
On Christmas day, you crown a youthful fantasy, the kind you’ll look back to even when you’re older. Jeongguk feels like he’d be the right person to stand by you to do so.
When he reluctantly detaches from you, his face keeps at a safe distance that’d allow him to go back and taste you, not before resting his forehead on yours and whispering, “Merry Christmas.”
You giggle. “Merry Christmas, Gguk.”
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