#DC's rambles

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

multilingual batkids. they learn each others languages so they can mix and match. for example:

tim in french: have you figured out how we’re gonna tell b we’re not going to that gala yet?

damian in arabic: no i thought that was thomas’ job?

duke french: me? no jason said he’d do something

jason in arabic: hey don’t drag me into this!

dick in romani: i’m gonna kill him i really i am

steph in russian: who are we killing?

dick in english: ah! nobody! wait i didn’t know you spoke romani

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason in english: wait my greek is rusty say it again slowly

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason: …. you motherfucker

cass signing: nice drawing

damian in chinese: thank you

dick yelling at bruce about something he did

jason in spanish: what language is he speaking right now?

tim also in spanish: uh all of them i think

jason: does bruce even know-

tim: no he doesn’t

[frownyalfred]

using “Agent A” as Alfred’s code name and using “B” for Batman’s shortened name in the field suggests there’s a world where “Agent A” is shortened to “A” and everyone in Gotham and on the Watchtower is terrified of him. because they’ve met B. and if this is B??

[darkchachouke]

Saw someone else do this so uh. My turn. Not doing the like thing, yall are getting everything cause I'm bored. 1) Started like, early 2020. It was a struggle cause it was all japanese and pretty early into the game's lifespan but yk 2) On my very first account I believe it was Rook's ? But on both of my current accounts I took Sebek's 3) I'm not sure who it was on my first account ? However on my current eng account it was Leona (Realized a bit too late I could reroll or rerolls werent a thing, I forgor. Either way, he's like, my least favorite out of options but aight), on my current JP account it's Cater cause bbg 4) First fav was Rook cause I'm a sucker for cliché french blondes that are extra. Current it Skully cause. Yeah. 5) Yeah, me and another friend keep up with every new release. We often watch translations together in voicechat. 6) My game thinks I have two, I know it's far, far more than that. 7) Halloween Rook SSR 8) Trey's roomwear cause I usually never pull on birthday banners (or the banners hate me) 9) I want to say a bit of both but I know I'm def leaning toward impulsive 10) That's a hard one uuuuuuuuuuh- I literally have no idea- Octavinelle maybe ??? 11) Sebek. At first I didn't like him but then like 3 months into the fandom I started liking him for some reason. I liked him before he was cool /lh 12) I'd say Jade ? 13) Cater, no explanation needed. 14) Idk, animal language probably. 15) I don't have beef with anyone, I just cry. 16) Book 7 is pretty interesting but my heart can never quite recover from book 4. 17) Sebek evernight armor <3 18) I think it's Ortho's fairy gala groovy. 19) Pretty decent, yeah. I play rhythm games so twistunes tend to be an easy part. 20) Sam. He's silly. 21) I think it's Riddle. 22) On my eng account ? Not really, I mean there's a few cards I'd like but I'm not exactly saving specifically for them. On my jp account though... I'm supposed to be saving for Skully but erm.... Given the cards that are gonna drop this year idk what's gonna happen 23) Idrk to be honest. Ig Idia. 24) Music club I think. 25) Octavinelle looks so good honestly. I really like the ocean too, and the uniform looks dope. 26) Diasomnia, maybe. 27) Nightmare before christmas cause it's my favorite disney and also Skully is in it. 28) I genuinely don't know lmao. But I think I'll go for Sebek's ceremonial robe vignettes. The way he helps MC and offers them tea is adorable I can't get enough of it. 29) On my ENG account I have evernight Sebek cause he looks ADORABLE with his armor and hair down and he's chilling is Azul's office. JP account got trick King Cater in Trey's room. 30) Idk how hot of a take this is or if I'm wrong but I still need to say. The fandom needs to hold Malleus more accountable for his actions. I'm not gonna say he's an inherently evil person, nor am I gonna say it's entirely his fault. All I'm saying is I'm not seeing enough people acknowledge the way he acts sometimes.

[prlssprfctn]

I actually need some fanfic, where Bruce and Jason are in the middle of some argument, and a casual (and a well-practiced with Dick before) sentence leaves his mouth, something along the lines "How old do you think you are?!", meaning that he is acting childishly. And because Jason is irritated, and his tongue runs loose in his anger, he screams back that he is nineteen, and Bruce just freezes, because... Oh. Jason is nineteen. He is a fucking kid - his kid - that lost years of his teenhood, and was forced back without anyone giving him a space to catch up, with everyone else already treating him like an adult... When he isn't.

[bitter-hibiscus]

Red Hood joins twitter. Chaos arises

pt2

[spocks-husband]

In Bruce's phone, he keeps the contact photos for all his kids as their baby pictures (or the closest approximation that he has).

Dick's is a photo of him when he'd first designed his Robin costumes, smiling ear to ear as he proudly showed off his first hand-sewn prototype.

Jason's is a picture Alfred got of the boy sitting on Bruce's shoulders while they went over a case.

Tim is him fast asleep in the middle of taking notes on his first real mission (he wanted to impress Bruce really bad).

Damian is a polaroid he got from Talia of him when he was about a year old, teething on a mango seed as he sat on the floor of his mother's room.

Cass is entirely blacked out except for her big bright eyes that can be seen in the darkness-- Bruce thinks it's the cutest photo ever.

Even Babs has hers set to a photo of her with her first computer, grinning happy as she probably hacked into a federal database somewhere. He got that photo from Jim.

Likewise, of course, Alfred's (very bareboned) smartphone that he barely uses has Bruce's contact set with a photo of him playing in the snow as a little boy.

[littlefankingdom]

Gothamites: Lol. No way can Bruce Wayne raise a child. He is an incompetent playboy.

Bruce Wayne: *raises Dick to become an incredible good-hearted intelligent young man*

Gothamites: Wtf

[crowkip]

yeehaw, baby!

[aingeal98]

Cass's civilian identity being paper thin is so important to me actually. Barely anyone on the street knows Bruce Wayne's daughter and any of the press who are interested can't uncover a single thing other than him adopting her when she was 19. It leads to a whole lot of speculation but no actual facts.

Meanwhile you have assassins who are the best of the best, the cream of the crop, and anyone who is someone in the evil assassin underworld knows all about David Cain and his daughter who turned rogue and became Batgirl.

Which means most of them see her with Bruce Wayne and are like ohoho a clever plan by Batman indeed! Putting Batgirl undercover as Bruce Wayne's daughter to guard and protect Wayne, who's a key part of all the recent projects to improve Gotham City. Masterful gambit Mr Batman sir, you also get a spy who reports on everything Wayne's doing whenever you need it.

This gives Cass the freedom to not even try to hide herself behind some sort of helpless civilian persona. Attempted kidnappings of Bruce Wayne and his kids have dropped by 90% since she got adopted, as the first one to try and take a fancy party hostage got the shit kicked out of him by Cassandra Wayne while her father watched proudly.

The next attempt brought a gun and she disarmed him then broke his hand. Finally they sent a whole squad of mercenaries to kidnap Bruce and Tim on the way to a W.E business meeting only to find Cass in the car with them. The kidnapping did not go as planned and the goons have several questions as to why the fuck Bruce Wayne's daughter is a metahuman who dodges bullets. They never get answers.

She's the only batkid who never has to fake her abilities. Damian is highly indignant about this but she just pokes his forehead and tells him it's a skill issue when he complains.

[pussyeater8000]

Kon: Would you still love me if I was a worm?

Tim:

Tim: Well that depends, were you already a worm in this particular situation or did you get turned into one? How did you get turned into a worm? Was it magic? If it was magic I'd have to ask Zatanna or Constantine for help but im sure i could find a way to turn you back.

Kon: I-

Tim: Unless of course you don't wanna turn back. Maybe you just want to stay a worm for the rest of your life. I mean i don't know why you would but I'd still respect your decision

Tim: Would you even know you're a worm? Would you still have your memories from before you were one or would your mind also change into that of a worm? Hey how unethical would it be to date a worm anyway?

Kon: I am deeply in love with you.

[puppetmaster13u]

Y'know sometimes I wonder what Ras reaction was to the Justice League. Like he practically offered Bruce the chance to be one of his generals, straight up offered for him to be his heir, and was turned down.

Do you think he's offended. Because oh, so his organization isn't good enough, but that merry band of idiots is?!

[frownyalfred]

actually the idea that Dick, the eldest, the only one who ever wore the cowl long term, the only one who raised a Robin on his own, is also the only one who can successfully, perfectly replicate that barked ROBIN! in Bruce's voice? the only one who can pull that exact tone from the depths of his soul, to the point where his voice is identical, so identical that old Robins like Jason are obeying before their minds even realize their bodies are moving? that Dick is the only one, has always been the only one, who can channel Bruce's voice? can channel Batman himself? I am going feral

[spicy-apple-pie]

I like to think that Jason always has food on him, especially as a kid.

I imagine him walking around the manor with his pockets bulging.

“What do you got in your pockets, Jay?” Bruce asks the first time he sees this, out of pure curiosity.

“None of your business.” Jason snaps. “Why? Think I got jewelry or something?”

“No, not at all.” Bruce hurries to correct. If Jason were stealing from him, he’d be more worried about the implication that he was planning to run away. “Just curious.”

Jason huffs, and leaves.

It doesn’t take long for Bruce to realize that Jason is stuffing his pockets with food. And not stuff like candy or cookies like Dick used to do on patrols, but more hardy foods like granola bars.

So he starts telling Alfred to get more packaged non perishables. A variety of granola bars, cheese and crackers, even juice boxes. And he never tells Jason about this, but the food goes missing all the same.

Bruce even puts pockets in Robin’s costume, just to make sure he feels comfortable.

Jason really appreciates it, but they never talk about it.

[zhelin-thames]

A Ghostly Text Mishap

Danny flopped onto his bed, phone in hand, glaring at the screen. Another long day of dealing with Vlad's manipulative nonsense had left him frustrated beyond belief. He opened his messages, found the contact labeled Trucker, and began furiously typing.

Danny: You will NOT believe what Plasmius did this time. The absolute NERVE of this guy. You’d think being half-dead would make someone LESS petty, but nooo, this man’s ego is bigger than the Ghost Zone.

Danny: He tried to "buy" my parents' company AGAIN. He offered to “help” with ghost containment tech but really just wants to snoop around for weaknesses in the portal.

Danny: AND he had the audacity to call me “Little Badger” like it’s a term of endearment. I swear, if I hear that ONE MORE TIME, I might go full ghost and dropkick him into the Fenton Thermos.

Satisfied with his venting, Danny tossed his phone onto the bed and buried his face in his pillow. Unbeknownst to him, he had made one critical mistake.

Jason Todd, aka Red Hood, was sitting in his safe house, polishing his guns when his phone buzzed. He glanced at the screen.

Unknown Number: You will NOT believe what Plasmius did this time…

Jason raised an eyebrow. “What the hell is this?” he muttered, scrolling through the tirade. By the time he got to “Little Badger”, he was smirking.

He typed back:

Jason: Kid, I think you’ve got the wrong number. Unless this “Plasmius” guy is a Gotham villain I’ve somehow missed.

Danny’s phone buzzed, and he rolled over to check it. His heart dropped when he saw the reply.

Danny: Oh no. This isn’t Trucker, is it?

Jason: Nope. But you’ve got my attention. Who’s Plasmius, and why does he sound like the type of guy I’d shoot on principle?

Danny hesitated, then decided to just roll with it.

Danny: Short version: he’s a half-ghost fruitloop billionaire who’s obsessed with ruining my life, becoming my creepy stepdad, and taking over the world. Think Lex Luthor but undead and ickier.

Jason burst out laughing, earning a curious glance from Roy Harper, who had just walked in.

“Who’s got you laughing like that?” Roy asked, setting down a bag of takeout.

“Some kid who texted me by mistake,” Jason replied, showing him the messages.

Roy skimmed them and snickered. “Plasmius? Sounds like a knockoff vampire villain.”

Jason’s fingers flew over the keyboard.

Jason: Okay, kid, you’ve officially got my interest. I don’t know who you are, but if this Plasmius guy’s half as bad as you say, I’ve got some creative ways to deal with him. You in Gotham?

Danny stared at the message, blinking. Who even was this guy? But... he did sound like he knew how to handle problems.

Danny: Uh, no. I’m from Amity Park. It’s kind of a supernatural hotspot, so I’ve got it covered. But thanks for the offer, I guess?

Jason smirked.

Jason: Supernatural hotspot? Kid, you’re talking to someone who’s been resurrected. Ghosts don’t scare me.

Danny froze. Resurrected? Oh no. This guy might actually know about the supernatural.

Danny: ...Wait, who ARE you?

Jason: Name’s Jason. Most people call me Red Hood. Ever heard of me?

Danny blinked, then groaned. “Of course. I text a vigilante. Just my luck.”

Danny: ...Yeah, I’ve heard of you. So, uh, thanks for not tracking this number and showing up at my house or something.

Jason: Yet.

Danny felt a shiver run down his spine.

Danny: That’s not funny, dude.

Jason: Relax, Little Badger. Your secret’s safe with me. For now. But hey, if you ever need help dealing with your undead billionaire problem, hit me up.

Danny sighed, shaking his head.

Danny: Sure. Thanks, I guess?

Jason leaned back, grinning as he saved the number under Ghost Kid.

“Roy, I think I just found the weirdest contact in my phone.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Roy replied, tossing Jason a burger.

“Not bad. Just… different.” Jason chuckled. “Plasmius, huh? Sounds like fun.”

[bitter-hibiscus]

I can't stop thinking about an AU where multiple universes collide and a bunch of alternate Bats have to save the world together-- but the catch is that they are: Talon Grayson, Gun Batman Tim, Cluemaster Steph, Demon Head Damian, Assassin Cass, Prince of Metas Duke (followed his bio father's footsteps after finding out about him) and.... Father Todd. The only one who doesn't kill people, but is very well versed in exorcism magic.

[spocks-husband]

If you ask Bruce why his training routine is so regimented and heavy he'll tell you that it's because he needs to make sure his body is in peak condition to battle for justice or whatever the fuck-- and that was true when he was like. 19. But now? Yeah, no.

You wanna know the real reason he works out so much?

It's because he can't stand the idea of not being able to pick up any of his kids.

And Jason is getting REALLY heavy.

(side note, all the Batkids and occasionally BatSpouses [I'll be nice and keep this ship neutral lol] get a random text confirming how much they weigh at any given time and they're all totally used to it because that just means he's about to start working out and he needs to check to make sure everything is accurate.)