#Curse my crippling anxiety too

[clownsuu]

I can explain that "Die you don't belong in this world." And the anon meant well.

You know that castlevania meme that's like.

"What's is a man, a miserable pile of secrets. But enough talk *throws win glass* HAVE AT YOU"

That's from the end of a long conversation between Richter and Dracula. The full conversation goes like this.

R: Die monster, you don't belong in this world.

D: It is not by my hand that I am once again given flesh. I was brought back by humans who wished to give me tribute.

R: TRIBUTE? You steal men's souls man make them you're slaves.

D: Perhaps the same can be said of all religions.

R: Your words are as empty as your soul, mankind ill needs a savior such as you.

D: What is a man, a miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk *throws glass* HAVE AT YOU.

They were just making a joke about Home being a vampire.

Oh!

My, my apologies then to that anon then! Having adhd and bein on the spectrum makes me very oblivious to things sometimes unless it has been credited to what it's originally from (or currently trending)

[telemiel]

i really can't keep going and keep myself alive on my own, but i think i'm always going to be alone

[babiebom]

Heyyy! I was wondering if u could do the bachelors & bachelorettes reactin to / dating an s/o who has really intense nose bleeds when they're stressed. But plot twist bc this is literally the norm for the farmer bc they have crippling anxiety, especially social.

Thank u sm!!

A/N: I don’t know why I thought this was funny??? My anxiety just makes my stomach upset but a nosebleed in front of everyone like some sort of anxious demon is funny. Not the clean up tho. I’ve never had a nosebleed but I know they bleed SO MUCH. Also no problemo!!! Always glad to get requests!! I did different things (so not just stressed because I would’ve written the same thing for anyone I made crush aspects as sort of for stress too lmao) for each hopefully they’re good enough!

Tw: cursing, blood, anxiety, the nose bleeds are VERY dramatic because it’s fiction lmao. Physical fights(in Leah’s part), arguments(in almost all of them). Pierre hate Pam hate(kinda) Demetrius hate Morris hate. And Kel is gender neutral! let me know if there’s anything else to tag!

Wc: idk lmao hopefully at least 100 words for each

Stardew Masterlist

Sebastian:

Just frowns

Actually helps unexpectedly

….we can never talk about this happening again if you want……

It’s not often that you get to see the towns resident emo, even after visiting Robin multiple times for various building needs. So when you wander into the house, looking for Robin so you can upgrade your coop, seeing him makes your brain malfunction.

“Oh…hey farmer.” He greets, moving past you to head further into the house. You blink for a second before returning the greeting, watching as his dark hoodie disappears behind a wall.

You try to force your breathing to slow down. There is absolutely NO reason you should be this worked up over a literal one second conversation. While you sit with your thoughts, foot steps fill your ears and the sight of Sebastian returning from wherever he went makes all of your progress regress. “So…you here waiting for my mom?”

You nod quickly, clearing your throat, “yeah…um…just need to upgrade my chicken coop.”

“Oh well, she’s not in today. She usually goes to Pierre’s store to work out with the other moms.”

You frown to yourself, how did you miss that she wouldn’t be in today? Damn now all you can think about is how you just made a fool of yourself. Lost in your thoughts, you miss that Sebastian had cleared his throat a couple times until he waves a hand in front of your face.

“If you want, I can take your order and tell her when she gets home later. That way she can get started tomorrow.”

“Would you?” Your heart flips as you perk up. Was he usually this nice? You kinda heard from Robin herself that Sebastian never really interacted with people he wasn’t already friends with.

“Yeah sure.” He shrugs and moves to go around the counter, setting his slowly cooling food down. “Okay so she usually charges 10,000g and you have to have 400 logs of wood and 150 things of stone. Sound right?”

You nod and hand over the bag of money. The second your hands touch it’s like your body decided it couldn’t handle anything else from him. Luckily he just takes the money and pretends like your nose hasn’t become a geyser as you scramble to try to keep the blood from dripping all over their furniture.

Sam:

WOAH DUDE IS THAT LIKE….NORMAL?

it’s like from a movie or something

Is overall sorta scared but at the same time thinks it’s cool

“And this is how I do a kick flip!” Sam shows you skateboard trick after trick and honestly you can’t get enough of it. It wasn’t a secret that the both of you had crushes on each other, and even now it was very obvious by how you were watching him do his tricks that you had feelings for him. Yet still you two weren’t in a relationship, just sort of friends who like each other in a romantic sort of way.

“You’re so cool!” You clap as he lands another trick.

“And you’re cute!”

“What?”

You freeze in your spot and watch in confusion as he sort of freezes midway through his next trick and crashes to the ground. His words echo in your head, making your face heat up and your heart soar. He smacks his face on the ground, sending you into a panic because now all you can think about is how he thinks you’re cute, and now how he probably has a concussion from hitting his face directly onto the concrete.

When he lifts his face off the ground, you’re kneeling next to him, trying to check on him. His forehead is bleeding, his nose is bleeding, and so is his mouth. You shriek and try to go through your backpack to see if you have anything to help him. You didn’t.

You already know where this is leading, and you let out a groan of annoyance right before your nose starts leaking just like his. His eyes widen and he lets out a loud laugh. Maybe you two can move out of the weird friendship you have after all.

Shane:

Would just stare silently

Like no comments no nothing

Doesn’t even act like it’s happening

Having a part time job at Joja Mart during the winter is one of the absolute worst ideas that you’ve had in a while. But you didn’t make a lot during your first year of farming. Stacking the products onto the shelves, your only saving Grace is the fact that you’re allowed to have earphones in. Except for the fact that Pam is now standing next to you asking loudly about where something is. Shane is stacking the shelves behind you.

“I don’t know Pam…the alcohol is probably on the wall in the back.” You frown at her. She obviously knows that you don’t know this store that well, you were a FARMER that NEVER shopped here before. She rasps out another question and it takes everything in you to not snap at her. Trying to calm yourself of course there’s gonna be something else that makes you lose your mind. That something is Morris, coming over and being the absolute WORST and in turn making Pam LOUDER and more insistent.

He’s lecturing you, Pam is agreeing with him way too loudly, the music on your headphones is now overwhelming instead of calming, and the sound of random things in the market is making you want to bite a chunk out of the loaves of bread in front of you, plastic and all. With everything building up inside of you, you already know what’s going to happen. It always happens, but instead of excusing yourself you stand there, staring Morris down as the blood begins to flow from your nostrils.

Pam yells out curses and Morris begins to stutter, but behind them Shane just stares for a second before continuing to work. When you’re finally left alone with him in the aisle as your two stressors hastily take their leave, all he does is let out a dry chuckle.

“Sam has a hell of a mess to clean up…”

Alex:

Oh DUDE your nose is like….LEAKING

Doesn’t help

Just watched and comments

“AND THEN HE HAS THE NERVE TO TELL PEOPLE THAT MY HARVESTS ARE HIS BUT HE ONLY DOES IT IF ITS GOOD!” You rant to the brown haired boy, pacing back and forth in his room. Thankfully both Evelyn and George were out so you weren’t bothering anyone except for the man in front of you.

You huff and puff as he watches, slightly amused slightly concerned. Alex wasn’t the best person to go to when you’re upset unless it was something absolutely devastating. So being in front of him now, complains about your farming woes meant that he was only half ass taking it seriously. “You should go and speak your mind.” He says.

Turns out you should NOT take advice from Alex. Standing in Pierre’s shop, you’re staring him down angrily, anxiety creeping up your throat from you trying to will yourself to call him out on his bullshit. The older man just kind of stares at you in confusion because all you had done was shout his name angrily as you entered the shop then stand in front of him seething.

“You….you…..” you point a finger at him. This was the moment, the moment you stand up for yourself and tell Pierre how HORRIBLE he is!

But of course things don’t work how you want and your nose gushes out blood all over the counter before you can work yourself up to the point of accusations. With a gasp you run out of the shop, hoping that he would keep his mouth shut with Alex running behind you laughing. Again, NEVER let Alex talk you into anything.

Elliott:

Panics

How do I help PLS LET ME HELP

Everything probably gets messy

Fishing had never been your favorite pastime, but now trying to fix up the community center you had to. Unfortunately Willy was gone and couldn’t properly teach you even though he had gifted you an old rod of his, so the next best thing is getting your boyfriend to teach you since he does fish often. Now you stand on the docks, waiting for a fish to bite the hook.

“Keep calm, the fish can feel your fear and it makes them upset.” Elliott spoke. In all honesty you didn’t even know if that was true or not, but you take in a breath to calm down. You did not want to be here all day you had cows to pet.

The second your line begins to pull you try to pull the fish in. And you succeed until it comes time to unhook the eel you managed to catch. The eel is slimy and slippery and all around not a good thing to try to grip. A shriek leaves your lips and the eel struggles, Elliott tries to help you but is also struggling to catch hold of it. And now your nose is bleeding adding another layer to the already hellish experience.

You’re unhappy, the eel is unhappy, and Elliott is unhappy. After what seems like an hour, the stupid thing slips out of your grips and back into the ocean, washing your nose blood off of it and splashing you with saltwater. 0 out of 10 you will not be trying again.

Harvey:

Calm but concerned(after panicking for a second)

Has a doctory approach to it

But is secretly like WTF inside

Your heart thumps in your chest as you sit on the clinic bed. It’s been a while since you’ve been in Harvey’s clinic, having taken a break from the mines, and somehow this seems more shameful than having been beaten almost to death by living slime. Your hands bleed into the cloth you have pressed into it. One of the pigs knocked you over into the broken fence you were in the middle of fixing. Now you sit waiting for the good looking Doctor.

When he walks in he’s all smiles, tapping his clipboard with his pen. “While I’m sad to see that you’re injured, I’m glad to see it isn’t from those mines again.” The eye contact he makes with you makes your heart twist for a second.

He starts speaking of all the shots you need and the antibiotics you need to take, rust poisoning is quite serious you know. “Now,” he says, moving towards you, “let me see your hand.”

Your heart thumps erratically at the close proximity of him and you. You only really ever got to see him this close when you were half dead and barely conscious. His face is much too close for you to be able to do anything but focus on how pretty his eyes are, and how fluffy his mustache is, and how…

“OH MY DEAR YOBA” He yelps and jumps away from you. It takes only a second after him to realize what’s going on, and now your furiously wiping away at your nose with your hands instead of with the cloth, and he’s trying to get something on your nose to catch the blood. It’s a disaster, really. But at least you’re already in a clinic!

Penny:

Probably panics

Doesn’t know how to deal with it

Would try to help though

The warmth of the pool in the spa did nothing to ease your nerves as you waded in the shallow end of the pool. Penny had invited you to come sometime after 7 pm, and when you had arrived she was already waiting for you, kicking her feet in the pool. The thought of her asking you here made your stomach turn, did you do something wrong…? Was she inviting you here to tell you she hated you or something…? You had grown close to her over your time here and would hate it if she thought you were too much or something.

“Do you know why I invited you here?” She asks, moving closer but keeping her eyes on the water.

You shake your head, “I’m not exactly sure, no.”

She frowns and sighs at you, meeting your eyes for a fleeting second then looking elsewhere. “Really? I thought you would’ve noticed by now…” her words trail off and her eyebrows furrow.

The next few seconds are ones that you simultaneously want to remember for forever and forget. She confesses her feelings for you. Feelings that you obviously reciprocate, and the emotions in you mix and grow, rising up your throat as if you were a volcano of conflicting feelings. As soon as you open your mouth to tell her that yes, you like her too, her face morphs into one that’s horrified instead of hopeful, disgusted instead of smitten and you realize a second after she does that your nose is spouting red, dyeing the water you both were swimming in.

Penny shrieks for a solid second before trying to scramble out of the water as fast as she can. You do the same, swirling the red around the pool as both of you splash trying to exit the now crime scene looking pool. When you get out of the water, she’s holding a towel right in your face, smooshing it so hard you can barely breathe and now your nose is throbbing with slight pain. “What do we do?!” She asks moving about quickly. She’s so confused that she just keeps walking and turning as if she’s remembering and forgetting things at the same time.

You just tilt your head downward and cringe inwardly, this was not the way to get a girl to like you. “It’s fine…I’m fine,” you say voice nasally and muffled. “And I like you too by the way.”

Haley:

confused staring

wtf is happening

Actually speechless

It isn’t every day that you get to talk to a beautiful blonde. It isn’t even every day that you talk to anyone. So when she approaches you on one of your trips off of your farm you couldn’t help but feel like either everything is out to get you or that you’re up on your luck. You don’t really know for sure, it honestly depends on how things go.

“Hey farmer!” She smiles as soon as she stops in front of you, the feeling of your stomach twisting makes you want to vomit in all of your nervousness. “I have a favor to ask you…”

“Yeah?” You ask trying to keep your cool. “What is it?”

“I would totally love love LOVE you forever if you could bring me an amethyst? It’s for Emily’s birthday and I don’t really like Clint so I don’t wanna buy anything from him. I’m willing to pay 150g!”

You cough into your fist, nodding along and taken aback by how casually she’s speaking to you. Before you can accept doing her the favor, the horrified look on your face makes your words falter.

She looks absolutely horrified, and touching your hand to your face you can feel why. Your nose started dripping blood, and by dripping you mean you can now feel it running down to your chin. A flurry of curses leave your mouth as confused noises leave hers. It's not much of a surprise that this has happened, but man did you wish it wasn't in front of her.

Emily:

Surprisingly chill about it

Probably has a weird story about a nosebleed or something

Actually helps

You sit at the bar alone, upset at a horrible farming day. You tried your best, you really did, but those stupid ass crows actually ate ALL of your seedlings. Or…almost all of them but that’s basically the same thing! There is no way you’re gonna make enough to make it through winter comfortably. You told Emily exactly this, appreciative of her listening ear in the middle of her busy shift.

“You know they probably didn’t mean it…or maybe they did,” she sucks in a breath eyebrows furrowing as she thinks, “you know crows are very smart they probably know that you’re using that land to farm and stay there because of all the free food.”

“But it’s not free!” You exclaim, throwing your hands up in annoyance, “I have to buy those seeds! They’re just putting me into debt!”

She hums and nods, wiping the bar next to you where a person had just left. You had only a couple months left until the snow started falling and making it virtually impossible to grow anything. The little plants you had left you had to fight the crows for. And by fight I mean you angrily swung a broom at the with the intent of scaring them (not hitting them that’s mean). Still the growing anger inside you was not easily crushed by her warm and quite frankly outlandish words. No, in fact your anger grew the more you thought about it.

You felt it coming before anything had even exited your nose, hurriedly snatching the rag from Emily’s hands. Damn now you would have to buy the bar a new one. She just blinks then nods as if your nose becoming a bloody waterfall was normal.

“You know…nose bleeds cause by stress is usually because your heart rate and blood pressure increase and it causes your blood vessels to dilate!”

You stare at her before laughing. Maybe she was helpful after all.

Abigail:

WOAH

WTF

WHAT DO WE DO?

You stand in front of Pierre in front of the shop, arms crossed as you watch his face grow redder the longer time goes on. “-IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER?” You’re not really listening to his tirade, over the whole ‘protective dad’ thing.

“Dad I’m an adult! You have no say in who I date!” Abigail yells back, face equally red. Who would’ve known that he would have a problem with the farmer he rips off constantly dating his daughter?

He yells out more reasons that the two of you shouldn’t be dating, and in turn points a finger into your chest roughly. You sputter out an offended sound, moving away from him. “Don’t touch me!”

“You shouldn’t be touching my daughter!”

“What? Dude we just started dating, you’re weird as hell!”

The arguing only gets worse from there, accusations flying around and now an audience comes with the drama. It’s almost too much for you to handle with now Caroline, Harvey, Haley, and the Milner family standing and watching the chaos. “Abby let’s just go to my place…” you try suddenly feeling the need to escape and no longer feeling the ‘fuck you dude’ attitude.

“No! He needs to understand that he can’t control my life!”

It’s like a volcano in your body and just like a volcano your nose begins to erupt. Now you’re screaming, Abigail is screaming, Pierre is screaming, the Mullners are screaming. Could this get any worse?

Turns out yeah, it can get any worse, like a family fight worse and now all of you are sitting in Harvey’s clinic. At least you aren’t the only bloody one now.

Maru:

Is surprised

Also forgets what to do

Would probably make things worse

Maru talks about robots and space the way you would talk about her: totally and completely enamored. You sit on her bed listening to her talk about her newest invention, some sort of robot that can cook and clean and basically be a free maid. You laugh and move your arm to get in a more comfortable position to watch her. Unfortunately your arm had other plans and smacked hard into her bed post. Groaning out in pain, your eyes close and begin to water from how much your elbow hurt.

Demetrius is in your face before you even realize that he was in the room. You yelp out in surprise as he starts ranting about you ruining his daughter’s future. You blink in surprise and try to retreat back into the mattress. What was happening. You can hear Maru screaming over his words but your ears feel like they’re filled with water.

“We’re just friends!” You find yourself shouting. Like damn is the man insane? It wasn’t the first time he’s gotten upset at you over Maru, but it was the first time that he was absolutely losing his mind.

“Dad stop!”

Time froze for a second as you and Demetrius stared at each other, Maru standing near him. Breathing in you can taste blood in your mouth before your nose starts bleeding, yet you can’t bring yourself to do anything but sit and catch your breath.

“Oh my god!” Both Demetrius and Maru exclaim moving around the room trying to find something to help. You couldn’t help but feel annoyed at him acting concerned now.

Thankfully Maru looked cute trying to help you which at least made things a little better.

Leah:

Is also freaking out on the inside but calm on the outside

Helps you with tissues

Is understanding

Going on a date with Leah is a dream come true. There’s paint, wine, food, and you’re sitting in the prettiest meadow you’ve ever seen, well it’s pretty because Leah is there and she’s pretty and you’ve been here multiple times because it’s near her cottage but it still looks different today.

You sit, paintbrush in hand, laughing at something she’s saying. It’s fun and if she hadn’t have asked you would’ve spent the day farming like usual, this little break was needed. The day couldn’t be ruined, absolutely nothing can ruin it.

Okay, one thing can ruin it and that one thing is Kel coming and ruining everything. The argument that ensues is one of the worst that you’ve seen. Kel tries to walk up on you(translation: Kel wants to fight you), Leah stops them but in turn gets into a fight with them which causes you to actually get up and try to defend her.

You kinda block out until you can hear Kel call out “I made your nose bleed bitch!” Which again causes you to want to drown in your anger.

“My noses is bleeding because I’m stressed, stupid!” You back. It’s obvious Kel hadn’t been able to hit your nose so claiming to be able to hit you so hard your nose bleeds isn’t even possible. It’s almost childish how the two of you argue.

Leah finally gets Kel to leave and hands you a bunch of tissues as she sits you down on the now rumpled blanket. As the two of you catch your breath and calm down, you find yourself smiling at her behind the wad of tissues catching blood flowing from your nose.

At least the situation would be funny in the future.

[ghostlyfleur]

𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞’𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

eddie munson x shy!oc

contents: anxiety, curse words, friends to lovers. lovesick!eddie, inexperienced!reader, self-consciousness, first kiss, sharing clothes. eddie’s jacket is oversized on reader. can be read as x reader, but a bit oc too? carnival date.

word count: ~1.5k

eddie munson is in love.

she is entirely inexperienced in anything romantic or sexual; no first kiss, never even got close to it. extremely shy and anxious, has a seemingly innocent aura, is a bit out of sorts, ditzy, with a sort of luna lovegood vibe. doesn’t argue with people, always tears up if confronted about anything, doesn’t have beef with anyone and is a lot more rational than emotional even though she tears up so easily. also doesn’t hold grudges or care what people think of her…

the thing is, she has been introverted her whole life, a very anxious person, and so doesn’t understand that eddie munson likes her because she needs to be told how people feel about her very explicitly otherwise her mind will convince her they hate her. anxiety is like that. and she’s the kind of person that has a hard time realizing that people can perceive their existence and have feelings for them, no matter what type of feelings, so even though eddie is not at all shy about flirting with her and giving her all of the attention in the world in his over-the-top, overdramatic way, he also knows that if anything other than the friendship he’s thankfully managed to build with her is going to happen, romantic-wise, that she has to be the one to initiate it— but she’s oblivious!

on the other hand though, she doesn’t even bother hiding her infatuation with eddie — it’s a lot more than infatuation by now. she’s always looking at him with stars in her eyes and laughs at his jokes and smiles that big, square, goofy smile whenever they lock eyes and constantly praises him because he deserves to feel as special as he is, right? and she goes into detailed talks about lord of the rings with him, likes many of the same bands he does or simply lets him play his favorites for her, and she truly loves to watch hellfire play dungeons & dragons.

her eds even made her a special edition pink hellfire shirt. ‘cause he’s a simp.

one day, as she’s out with chrissy and heather outside a diner, talking and laughing and catching up, eddie is close by somewhere with friends. his van is parked nearby.

it starts getting chilly, and eddie’s girl starts shivering, so she quickly excused herself away from the girls, “gimme a second!” and reaches through the open window of eddie’s van, making a mental note to grill him about it later — “‘cause it isn’t safe, eds!” — to grab his leather jacket thinking of how he has told her over and over that she can borrow it, that “what’s mine is yours, sweets. i don’t mind sharing if it’s with you”, so she figures it’s okay, right? and goes back to the girls who are fucking smirking like they see something she doesn’t.

it’s about fifteen minutes later, and eddie is walking towards the trio, simply because he misses his girl and wants a hug, when he sees it.

she’s wearing his jacket. his jacket.

in typical eddie fashion, he makes a scene— gasping dramatically, he clutches his chest over his heart and falls to his knees, because fuck what anyone around thinks. his precious girl is wearing his fucking jacket! and she looks like a fucking angel.

“eds, what are you doin’?”

“do you know how heavenly you look in my jacket? i just had to get on my knees to worship you.”

the boy shuffles closer to his sweet girl on his knees still while he talks and she’s flustered, okay? she’s shy and her face is on fire and she’s covering her cheeks and giggling. and because it’s eddie, her eddie, she’s not running away to have a panic attack. ‘cause it’s eddie and he’s being sweet, so she can’t focus on anyone else long enough to feel crippling anxiety or embarrassment. doesn’t even care that chrissy is cooing and heather is smirking.

“that jacket is yours now, you own it. you pretty much own me by now.” eddie says, on his knees, in front of her

“it’s okay that i took it right?” she makes sure even after his display of joy, ‘cause anxiety isn’t rational “you said i—”

her eddie knows her, though. he stands up, gets real fucking close to her, so close they’re almost touching, with this look of absolute adoration and “i’d give ya everything i have if i could, pretty.”

fast forward a few days later. chrissy kept yapping on and on to the oblivious girl about how “in love” eddie is, but it’s as though her brain won’t let her even entertain the idea.

that’s until she’s having a semi-regular quote unquote friend-date with eddie, something they’ve done quite a few times before, and this time they go to the fair. they’re doing everything couples might do, eddie is very aware of this, and he’s over the moon to just be enjoying quality time with his pretty girl until she spots a photobooth, “oh, eds! we have to!” and eddie’s desperately counting coins to pay. the pictures go a little something like this:

after coming up blank with pose ideas, they just look at each other and laugh, but at the sound of his free and bright laugh, she just stares at her boy like he’s a dream come true— first pic is taken, looking at eddie like he hung the moon while he’s mid-laugh.

eddie notices her staring and goes from loud laughs to breathless ones, a smile on his lips, and whispers a soft “what?”— second picture is taken as the girl quickly presses her lips to his, her very first kiss, and it’s caught on camera.

the third picture depicts eddie’s sweet girl nervously rambling “i was going to ask for permission first, i promise!” while eddie has a glassy, dreamy look on his face, slack jawed, looking at her lips.

and at the fourth snap? eddie presses forward to shut her up with another impossibly soft and tender kiss, both of their eyes are closed and his hand is holding her jaw, thumb brushing her cheek.

after they part from the second kiss, eddie acknowledges that it was her first kiss, a shy “was that okay?” to which his sweetheart just smiles really big and nods excitedly over and over with a breathless giggle. that was the perfect first and second kiss and she couldn’t ask for more.

they hold hands the rest of the night.

[moutainrusing]

illness

987 words, @wolfstarmicrofic

Poking Sirius’s forehead was his mother’s wand. Running the length of Sirius’s body was his father’s wand. Tradition of the Black heir turning sixteen: make sure he had no disabilities. No setbacks, disadvantages, handicaps.

With stern frowns, they analysed the results. Then, “Get out.” They faced each other in shock, having said that simultaneously. He has both?

“What?” Sirius croaked.

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Orion bellowed.

Walburga shoved Orion, caterwauling, “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU CRETIN!”

“NO SON OF MINE, YOU CRIPPLE!” Orion screamed.

“HE’S NOT MINE, EITHER!” Walburga roared. (Now she was yelling more at Orion than Sirius…?)

His parents’ faces had twisted, fury curling their lips, passion blotching their cheeks red, anxiety shaking their hands, regret furrowing their brows, sadness freezing their voices, sharpening them to ice. They blamed themselves for his disabilities. Their genes, their problem. Upset he turned out this way, riddled with issues. Bitter, because how could life do this to them? If word got out, eyes would turn to them. This is your invalid? Makes sense.

Sirius nodded slowly, eyes prickling. He didn’t want to be disabled. The first thing people saw about him: the fact that he was incapable, helpless, hopeless. They would judge him while pretending they weren’t. There was always stigma around it. He was weak, dumb, weird. “I— I’ll go. But… what’s wrong with me?” He looked at his parents pleadingly. Fix me.

“Mental illness and physical,” Walburga scoffed.

Orion snarled, “Won’t live past thirty, wretch.”

“Unstable in both mind and muscle. They’ll all give up on you, as they should. Immobile, paralysed.” Walburga laughed shrilly, “Get out.”

“While you can still walk,” Orion sneered.

Sirius nodded silently, a sob choked up in his throat. When he shut the door, he heard his parents break. He followed suit, in tears on the street.

- - -

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU’RE A WEREWOLF, REMUS. I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!” Sirius took a deep breath. “You,” he jabbed Remus’s chest. “Being. A. Werewolf. Doesn’t. Matter.”

“But it does.” Remus shoved Sirius’s hand away pitifully. “I’ll hinder your life. You can find love with someone worthy, live a beautiful life until you’re grey and old—”

“I’LL NEVER BE GREY AND OLD!” Sirius yelled, not catching the words before they left his mouth. His eyes widened.

“What?” Remus stammered.

Sirius laughed harshly. “I’ll probably die before you. In fact, I’m the one who’ll hinder you.” He bowed dramatically, “I’m sick.” He jabbed his chest, “I can already feel it. Y’know how you call me clumsy?” Sirius smirked depravedly. “Well, that’s my muscles spasming. Ain’t working properly. They’re giving up on me like my parents did. Like you’re doing. And I’m crazy?” Sirius cackled, “That’s my brain. Fucking disabled.”

“Sirius,” Remus whispered.

Sirius pointed frantically, “See?! Already scared of me!”

“No, Sirius,” Remus shook his head softly. “Whatever is going on is not a problem. Nothing’s wrong with you. You’re human.”

“Yeah, right, say that to yourself,” Sirius scoffed.

Remus sighed, “It’s different—”

“Is it though?” Sirius glared. “I’m gonna die early ‘cause of something I can’t control, something people still blame and judge me for. Their discrimination is more pointless than I am.”

“You’re not pointless,” Remus argued.

“And you?” Sirius returned, eyebrow raised.

“I’m not…” Remus winced, finishing pathetically, “Pointless.”

“Ha!” Sirius crowed victoriously. “You don’t believe it! How am I supposed to believe that being disabled isn’t a curse when you act like that?! When everyone acts like that?! You coo and reassure someone else it’s okay, but when it’s you?!”

“I…” Remus was at a loss for words.

Fine. Sirius had way too much for both of them. “Why do you add on to the discrimination already there?”

Remus shook his head helplessly.

Sirius prodded, “Why can’t people let us be? Everyone’s gonna die, so let us be happy. When I first found out, I hated myself. But then I realised that even with disabilities, I am still myself. I’m still brave, smart, whatever. I never stopped. And my parents’ve always been wrong. Of course they were wrong about disabilities, too. I dunno what’s gonna happen to me, but then, does anyone? You could get caught in an accident any day! We could die any day! You’re a werewolf, but you never stopped being Remus. You never stopped being thoughtful, beautiful, lovely, mine. My friend,” Sirius clarified, smiling gently.

Loud again, “But we should be more if we both want that. Let us want! Take all the love you get, because so many people will deny you the best life you deserve. So what if it doesn’t last? If it’s not always happy? Let yourself live.”

Remus was crying. While Sirius could still move his fingers, he brushed the tears away.

- - -

Sirius did make it to thirty. Wheelchair-bound, unable to move a muscle nor talk, brain functioning perfectly, heart beating a love song for Remus.

He could move a few muscles. His thumb: up and down, up and down as he pressed the button of a Muggle invention to form words on this screen.

He could write books on anything, all the knowledge of OWLs and NEWTs and beyond firmly stuck in the crevices of his brain.

Remus pulled a chair up next to him, having also made it to thirty: grey-haired, smiling, walking with a cane, tired, living, bones aching, thinking, dreaming, being.

Scanning over Sirius’s document, Remus’s eyes lit up, and he turned to Sirius with a grin. “You’re the smartest person I know.”

Sirius couldn’t say anything except stare at Remus in awe. But that was okay, because Remus had enough words for both of them.

Remus leaned towards Sirius, giving him enough time to roll away if necessary, before slotting their lips together. “You’re amazing. I love you,” Remus mumbled. Sirius put all his effort, energy, love towards smiling into the kiss. Nothing happened, but he knew Remus could feel it anyway.

[stayevildarling]

wait?!?! you‘re considering writing for wandanat??😩 omg!! can you please write them with reader x cordelia goode!! maybe something angsty where reader gets hurt on a mission or something and tries to play it down

Natasha Romanoff x Wanda Maximoff x Cordelia Goode x Reader- One too many secrets

A/N: I have honestly been captured by marvel and wandanat. I couldn't help writing for them but I wanted to keep some of my ,,normal'' writing in there so I added Cordelia. This is my first time obviously writing Natasha and Wanda so I have no clue whether this is accurate or makes a lot of sense. Let me know what you think though as I quite enjoyed this 🫶🏻

tags/warnings: female reader, established relationship, quad polyamorous relationship, mention of violence, mention of gunshot, mention of blood, cursing, angst, fluff

translation: detka= baby, malishka= baby girl , zlatko= sweetheart

word count: 4.5k

taglist: (if you want to be added just sent me an ask/dm or comment)

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay , @whitelotus00 , @ninaahs , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @paulsonsratched , @stepintomyworld , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometime , @ohrwurm26 , @wastdstime

Todays mission had started out like any other mission, a quick briefing first, Tony talking you through most of the details and that you and the others had got this. Gathering your things before walking towards one of the quinjets and getting going. The last time you had both seen Wanda and Cordelia was two days ago now, travelling back and forth to the avengers compound and getting some training and exercise in, as well as greeting and chatting to some old friends.

They hated it, well Wanda only really did when she wasn't able to come along, however she had been stuck on another mission for the past few days and pretty much only got back when the two of you had to leave. Cordelia hated it altogether, she had met the avengers briefly and the three of you tried to be as open and communicative as possible, knowing the blonde wouldn't be able to cope with her crippling anxiety and worry otherwise. So, you had taken her to the compound a few times, getting to meet Tony and some of the others there. And despite the man even offering her to join them all, she refused, too busy with her own responsibilities of leading Miss Robichaux's Academy as their headmistress but also their supreme.

Cordelia was also your supreme, teaching you the basics years ago when you were dropped at the academy and didn't understand your powers and why no one wanted you. Somehow you stumbled upon the avengers, Wanda first before meeting everyone else and somehow getting caught in between it all. This was for sure never the life you had imagined, thinking you would grow old in the academy alongside Cordelia. However, a certain ginger and redhead somehow didn't only sweep you off your feet but equally the blonde sunshine that had been in your life for years. And so, the four of you slowly and with a few ups and downs along the way, built your life together, both away from the avengers compound and the academy, enjoying a more quiet and private space, rather than constantly being around people. Natasha's flying skills allowed her to easily move between places and Cordelia and Wanda's magic, as well as yours allowed the three of you to get wherever you wanted quickly.

As the quinjet prepares for landing, you glance at Natasha, who sits in the cockpit with Clint and you can't help but the small smile escaping you as you see her in her element. She loved this and you knew she did, however she especially enjoyed when her detka came along on missions. She had seen Wanda's magic on missions of course and her eyes always widened in that exact same way, disbelief, admiration and the slight shock. However your magic was different, so much lighter and beautiful and she enjoyed whenever she got to watch you or the supreme. It took a while to get you to where you are, Natasha training you to be her own little assassin and teaching you everything she had ever known and learned over the span of her life. She wanted to make sure you could protect yourself, hating the thought of anything ever happening to you and her not teaching you properly beforehand.

Your two girlfriends were utterly different. Sometimes when missions allowed it, the three of you would join in together. Wanda always fussed over you, often checking in with her magic to feel you close by when she couldn't see you. Not necessarily liking the thought of you doing all of these big adult things before Natasha had talked her out of those concern. Natasha let you do your own thing, trusting your abilities, magic and what she had taught you enough. However, her green eyes always lingered nearby, making sure someone wasn't getting a little too close to you, that the avengers didn't push you too much and didn't expect too much of you. She thought of you as a privilege to have around and help out and she made sure to treat you like that.

,,Ready Malishka?'' you hear her whisper as she brushes past, turning to smile at you before she follows the others. ,,Ready'' you assure with a smile, slightly taken back by her outfit and how badass she looked, especially with the flaming red hair, her smell lingering as she walks past and reminding you of home.

It really was supposed to be a quick in and out, Clint, Natasha and some others clearing the way for you, getting rid of some guards lingering nearby before getting to the big guys. Once inside, it was your job to finish the interrogation part, assuming they wouldn't talk and the avengers relying on you to use your Telepathy, read their minds and making them spill all the secrets, they would surely die for to protect. And it almost seemed a little too easy, as the three of you, including some backup cleared the way and eventually had the guys exactly where you wanted them. Bucky and Natasha tying them to some chairs before asking their questions, you eventually joining in and making them spill all their secrets. You had gotten what you wanted, Natasha filling in Tony who stayed behind, content with what you had gathered.

Yet, somehow you had missed something. Maybe it was due to the fact that you thought danger was averted, maybe you had been too taken back by your girlfriend and how both badass and beautiful she was or maybe it was the thought of relief and thinking you could return to your other two girlfriends waiting at home after finishing your mission reports once returned. It must have either been the cameras or the guys somehow alerting backup and almost as the four of you made it back, more guards appeared in front of you, heavily armed and ready to fight. Natasha was the first to notice, quickly tackling the first two running around the corner, Clint shooting some of his arrows, making some more fly across the floor. And you equally used your magic, making the new wave of them fly across the hallway and knocking them unconscious, Natasha watching and smirking in adoration.

As Natasha winks at you, she watches as your face turns serious, the three of them expecting danger to be averted as it had been deadly silent. However, your magic was quick to alert you that you had missed something, sending an all too familiar shiver down your spine and the feeling of doom that was nearby. You were no supreme, and usually this was a power that only Cordelia and Wanda managed to use. ,,Incoming'' you quickly alert them, their faces growing serious with concern. As you look around you, trying to find the obvious sign of what was going on, you glance around only to find another flood of them coming basically out of nowhere. ,,Fucking hell'' Natasha curses before the four of you get back into action, fighting to get out of there as really your mission was done and successful. Again you use your magic to send most of them shooting across the hallway and into the nearest wall.

However as you glance at Natasha, you watch her surrounded by some big guys, and despite the Russian definitely not needing your assistance, you can't help the overwhelming feeling of wanting to keep her safe. In a swift motion, you send half of them flying across the floor, quickly teleporting near her. ,,Nice one'' she praises as she chuckles. The room fills with the sound of more grunting and gunshots as the last wave of guards attempt to stop you from exiting with all the informations you had gathered. It doesn't take too long before the four of you manage to send them to the floor as well. Caught in the heat of it all, you had missed the excruciating pain you felt on your back, swallowing the lump in your throat and ignoring the obvious signs of pain and shock your body was alerting you of.

,,Detka, you okay?'' Natasha reassures as you exit the building and make your way towards the quinjet. ,,All good'' you smile, before she buckles you into your seat and begins taking you all back home. You should have said something, the pain increasing by the minute and causing your vision to blur slightly as you feel the throbbing pain in your shoulder. You had always been a little stubborn, not wanting to show weakness in front of them as especially your girlfriends lifes so far had been filled with nothing but pain and grief. And you never wanted to add to it, always making sure to help them out in whatever way you could, whether it was helping Nat with training, Cordelia with the academy or Wanda with things she was doing around the house.

Before your eyes feel heavier by the minute, you manage to linger your hand over the source of the pain, your magic slowly easing it a little before you allow your eyes to close. Your healing magic for sure was nothing compared to Wanda or Delia's and so the only thing it managed to do is ease the pain, lulling you to sleep a little, however the bullet remaining inside your shoulder, as well as blood dripping slowly down the inside of your clothing. It doesn't take long before you make it back, the quinjet allowing you to travel through the sky in no time before making it back to headquarters. As Natasha gets ready to follow the others, her eyes land on your sleeping form, still strapped into your seat and she can't help but frown, knowing how tiring and exhausting missions could be. ,,Detka, wake up'' she tries softly, nudging your shoulder moments later in an attempt to wake you.

As the pain shoots through your body again, your eyes widen, your mouth slightly agape but quickly composing yourself as you see the concerned green eyes from your girlfriend in front of you. She had noticed of course, ever the perceptive one, how your face was much paler, eyes filled with pain and the slight wincing when she had woken you moments ago. ,,Are you okay?'' she tries again, before you quickly nod, unbuckling your seatbelt and quick on your feet. Despite the dizzy spell, you take your girlfriends hand and lead her outside, following the others as you wanted nothing more than to get home. The redhead knew you to be stubborn, even secretive at times and she could tell something was up, assuming that maybe you indeed were simply tired and worn out after today, unbeknownst of the wound and the blood that continued dripping down the inside of your uniform.

The meeting following after, as well as the mission report feel like an eternity and you can't help but seek the comfort of your girlfriend. Mid meeting you had subconsciously reached for her hand underneath the table and she squeezed it tight, you not usually the affectionate type, especially when it was outside of your home and sacred, safe walls. After another hour, Natasha is quick to guide the two of you outside and back home, noticing how with each minute passing you seem more tired and practically falling asleep on her shoulder. She couldn't help but admire how comfortable you seem, resting your head on her and how her presence noticeably made you feel safe. She had taken a mental note to get either Wanda or Cordelia to check on you after this mission, making sure that you didn't get hurt, whether that was physically or something bothering you else wise.

,,Malishka, we're home'' the voice of your girlfriend softly awakens you, your eyes quickly falling shut again as the pain continued to pierce through you and almost take your breath away.

,,Come on sleepyhead'' she tries again, chuckling a little before you follow her inside, your heart beating a little faster as you think about getting to see your girlfriends in a moment.

As soon as the two of you step inside, the air is filled with both Cordelia and Wanda's cooking. You can't help but smile, assuming that Delia had cooked dinner and Wanda probably baked something, the two of them enjoying greeting you like that after a long mission. ,,Hi there'' Cordelia beams, greeting Natasha with a kiss on the cheek, before opening her arms to you. ,,Hi sweetheart'' Cordelia coos, as you practically fall into her arms, the exhausting heavy on your features and tired body. ,,There are my two favourite girls'' Wanda chuckles softly upon laying eyes on you both.

,,How did it go?'' Wanda asks curiously, not really having been able to think about much other than the two of you and the mission, despite Cordelia trying to distract her. ,,All good, our detka kicked ass'' Natasha chuckles, causing Wanda to smirk a little and Cordelia to smile proudly.

The supreme could tell there was something bothering you, her senses and the love she feels for you, instantly alerting her of something. However she wasn't quite sure what but the way you had held onto her for a second longer than your usual greeting hug, the way your eyes looked a little different and missed the usual sparkle and just your overall form. ,,Are you two hungry?'' Wanda tries, watching as Natasha is quick to toss her jacket away, having already showered at the compound but you insisting on showering at home. ,,Shower first please'' you manage to mumble out, before the three of them share a knowing glance. ,,Of course sweetheart'' Cordelia softly assures before you walk towards the bedroom. ,,Need any help zlatko?'' Wanda tries but you simply shake your head, thankfully declining her offer.

As soon as the shower is to be heard, Wanda and Cordelia simultaneously glance at Natasha, who stands by the kitchen counter, already stuffing some of the cookies that Wanda had made into her mouth. ,,What?'' she shrugs, her two girlfriends not being able to hide the smirk at her adorable antics. ,,How did that mission go Nat? really?'' Wanda tries, her and the blonde sharing the same concern over you. ,,It was good'' Natasha begins speaking, trying to swallow the cookies before getting scolded for speaking with her mouth full. ,,Y/N was great- as always'' she reassures before she meets their concerned glances. ,,I think she's tired, she fell asleep pretty much as we headed back and she's been a bit clingy since'' the redhead announces, before taking another mouthful of cookies and Wanda raises an eyebrow in return.

A set of green eyes meet Cordelia's brown ones, Wanda sharing the concern over you and knowing it had always been important to you to keep this professional, especially when around the others. Meanwhile you had somehow managed to get inside the shower, washing most of the blood and dirt away from the day, despite the soaring pain that was hard to ignore by now. It took you a while to wash yourself, really only having one arm available to do so. Before you know it, you find yourself half dressed, in front of the bathroom mirror, on your tip toes, trying hard to get a good look on your wound and trying to determine what you needed to do in order to heal it with your magic abilities. However as you try to turn a little, another wave of dizziness washes over you, causing you to stumble forwards and grip towards the sink, causing the several shampoo, conditioner and soap bottles to fall to the ground with an alarming noise.

,,Sweetheart, are you alright?'' you hear the voice of your blonde girlfriend moments later, internally cursing yourself for being so stupid and knowing they would be furious if they found out like this now. ,,Darling?'' Wanda tries next, and despite wanting nothing more than to answer, to reassure that you are fine and make the worry very evident in their voices, go away, you couldn't. The dizziness held a tight grip around you, making it impossible to open your eyes, the bright light only adding to your state. The pain causing the lump in your throat to get bigger, tears beginning to spill almost if your eyes had been open. It takes mere seconds before the door bursts open and you are unsure in your state whether you had locked it to begin with, unsure whether Natasha had simply kicked in the door, or whether your other two girlfriends had used their magic to open the door.

,,Y/N'' Cordelia calls out, watching your frame as you grip harder around the sink, Wanda's eyes immediately landing on your shoulder and seeing the blood and wound. They are quick to rush over, Wanda also calling for Natasha and the redhead quick to equally jolt towards the bathroom. ,,What happened?'' the redhead speaks with concern, before her eyes lay upon you. ,,Dammit detka'' she curses, finally understanding what had happened and why you had been so quiet. ,,Alright, sweetheart, let's sit you down'' Cordelia tries softly, despite the panic very evident in her voice and features. Wanda and Natasha are quick to get you to sit down, careful of your injury. ,,Looks like it's still in there'' the redhead remarks, having seen her fair share of gunshots in her line of work. ,,You can fix this right?'' she asks, her voice betraying the hint of worry as the color continues draining from your face.

Wanda and Cordelia's gazes meet, certain they can fix this but determining how. Their magics worked quite differently and while it would take healing potions and swamp mud for Cordelia to fix it, it pretty much only takes a flick of Wanda's wrist to fix your injury and so she is quick to light her hands in a red color before the blood and bullet slowly fade, making the wound disappear altogether. Cordelia watches in awe, Natasha watching in relief as your shoulder is back to normal due to Wanda's magical abilities. ,,Darling, are you alright?'' the scarlet witch questions softly, noticing your face still a little pale and face scrunched up in pain. In reality, you felt more guilty than anything, knowing they would be upset with you now, the pain still lingering on your shoulder due to the impact and how long it had been there. ,,Fine, thank you'' you manage to mumble, before Cordelia is quick to help you on your feet and finish getting you dressed.

As the supreme leads you back towards the bedroom, offering you some rest after the shock from today, you can already hear your other girlfriends voices raising from the room next door. ,,Nat, calm down'' Wanda tries softly, noticing how the redhead was visibly upset, pacing back and forth the living room, her fists clenched. ,,No- she should have talked to me for gods sake''. Cordelia frowns watching your guilty eyes and the tears threatening to spill any moment, despite the fatigue and sleepiness very visible in your features and tired eyes. ,,You get some rest darling and we'll be right here'' the supreme reassures, tugging you in a little and pressing a soft, comforting kiss on your forehead.

,,Enough'' the blonde scolds as she makes her way back towards the living room. Natasha simply rolls her eyes, Wanda's concerned eyes following the redhead as she continues pacing. ,,She could have jeopardised the whole mission'' the redhead sighs before she continues speaking ,,If one of us gets hurt, we tell the other one'' she sighs now, the anger slowly subsiding from her features before it turns into hurt, her eyes glistening with tears. ,,Hey hey'' Wanda tries, moving towards her girlfriend before taking her shaky hands into her steady ones. ,,Our little one certainly is good at keeping secrets'' Wanda begins, Cordelia nodding in agreement. ,,But I'm sure she just wanted to keep everyone safe'' Wanda tries reasoning with her girlfriends, despite feeling furious herself, given what could have happened.

,,I didn't see it, I thought she was tired'' Natasha sighs again, almost mumbling the words as a tear falls down her cheek. ,,Honey-'' Cordelia coos, quick to wipe the tear from her girlfriends features. ,,Like Wands here said, she's stubborn but you couldn't have known'' they reassure, slowly coaxing the avenger out of her shell and state. ,,I'm sure you must be hungry darling'' the blonde tries softly, before some guilty puppy eyes meet her brown ones. ,,Come on'' Wanda chuckles, taking Natasha's hand and leading her towards the dining room.

By the time you finally awaken from your slumber, your eyes eventually closing as dark shades of orange and red flooded your bedroom from the sunset, it's now replaced by a darkness. The only light source, a little lamp in the corner of your bedroom. When you turn a little, you notice both the absence of your girlfriends but also of the pain. Wanda's magic really did wonders to your state, as you can move freely without the slightest pain, despite a headache lingering. Slowly, you move the blanket from your tired body, despite feeling sleepy, wanting to be close to your girls and knowing you owed them an apology. As you walk past the dresser, you reach for a cardigan, feeling a little chilly and instantly noticing how it must be Wanda's as her scent and perfume lingers around you, instantly making you feel calm and at home.

As you step through the hallway, glancing at the countless artwork on the walls, as well as the photo wall that Wanda had added a while ago, both dorky selfies and official photos from either of you at events, you smile a little, recalling each day as if it had been yesterday. Your sleep didn't last too long, as by the time your eyes meet them, the three of them are still sitting by the dining table, having finished their meals not too long ago. With a smile, you watch Wanda bringing over the tray of cookies, Cordelia already getting a head start on the dishes. ,,Hi detka'' Wanda greets you softly as she notices you hovering by the doorframe.

,,Hi'' you mumble, the guilt very evident in your voice as your eyes fall upon both Cordelia and Wanda, still avoiding Natasha's gaze as you knew she was furious with you. ,,Are you hungry baby girl?'' the witch questions, causing you to simply nod a little shily before Cordelia reaches for your plate that she had kept warm for you. Hesitantly, you sit beside your girlfriend, Wanda joining the blonde with doing the dishes, knowing you and the redhead could use some quiet to talk this through, knowing you both to be stubborn. You gaze is dropped onto your plate, as you take slow and hesitant bites, despite feeling like starving, suddenly feeling like not eating under Natasha's gaze, the guilt consuming you and nagging at your insides. ,,Detka?'' she tries softly, seeing the genuine remorse in your eyes and feeling bad for her earlier outburst after the two had managed to calm her down.

,,Yeah?'' you whisper softly, your eyes already filling with tears. ,,Can you look at me?'' she tries, hating to see you like this and not having you meet her gaze. As soon as your eyes land upon the redhead, your vision fills with tears and she is quick to move her chair back, allowing you access to settle on her lap. ,,Come here'' she ushers and you comply, quickly getting comfortable on her lap, before holding onto her, as her strong arms wrap around yours. ,,It's okay malishka'' she reassures as she notices you sniffling in her embrace. ,,I'm sorry'' you choke on a sob, pathetically holding onto the hem of her shirt as your guilty eyes meet hers, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with todays events, despite usually being able to stay strong for your girlfriends. However, the thought of upsetting, displeasing your partners killed you inside as all you ever wanted was to make them happy, proud and content.

,,Why didn't you tell me?'' she asks softly after your cries eventually quieten down, listening to her steady heartbeat. Her tone is soft, the question sounding more curious and concerned than stern or angry and you could tell. ,,I just hate letting anyone down'' you sigh, not necessarily knowing how to put your feelings into words. ,,Detka, you didn't let anyone down, you made sure we got out of there'' she reassures, recalling your badass actions. A moment of silent follows, Cordelia and Wanda watching the exchange and a sad smile forming on their lips, seeing you two so closely, despite your pain. ,,What is it, really?'' she tries again, knowing you long enough by now to know that this wasn't the whole truth.

As you glance around, you watch as Cordelia gives you an encouraging smile, still cleaning the kitchen but obviously following the exchange between you two. ,,I just never want to burden you three'' you finally sigh, some more tears streaming from your features. Natasha's eyebrows furrow in confusion, not understanding your statement, considering the four of you had always been so loyal, so honest with each other. And you pick it up, her hesitation, the confusion washing over her face. And you knew if you had told the same to Wanda or your Delia they would have understood, knowing what it feels like to be a burden due to their past. But Natasha was tougher, fierce, being able to work out her demons on her own and having worked through her past mostly on herself.

,,I-'' you hesitate but feel Natasha's hand reaching for yours and squeezing it in a reassuring manner. ,,The three of you have been through enough and I thought I could fix it on my own'' you admit and you watch as her face almost crumbles, finally understanding your actions. And Natasha hated your statement, she hated how you put them first, their pain and grief and past before your own. She wanted to simply hold you and never let you go, tell you that they and she always want to know, always want to take care of you and never having you hide these things. ,,Detka'' she begins, taking a deep breath and hooking her finger underneath your chin so you can look into her green eyes.

,,Detka, you mean the world to us and we never want you to hide from us, we want to be there for you, just like you are always there for us three'' she reassures, watching your eyes and wanting to make sure you understand her statement. ,,Besides darling, you are a witch, not some super soldier'' she chuckles a little ,,Did you really think you could fix this without us noticing'' and your guilty puppy eyes meet her own yet again. ,,I'm just glad you're okay'' she reassures before holding you a little tighter and you finally manage to relax in her touch.

It doesn't take long, before Wanda and Cordelia join the two of you again, the supreme giving you a reassuring and proud smile for opening up, knowing it wasn't your strong suit. Wanda doing the same towards Natasha, glad the redhead had managed to calm down and talk this through with their detka. ,,Can I have a cookie now?'' you frown, before Cordelia and Wanda chuckle passing you the tray. ,,You didn't even touch your dinner darling'' Cordelia scolds softly, raising an eyebrow. ,,I'm an avenger, I can have dessert before dinner'' you protest, the three of them chuckling before Natasha presses a kiss to your forehead while still holding you in her arms. ,,Are you now?'' Wanda chuckles, finding your antics and the sight in front of her adorable. ,,Our badass avenger'' Natasha confirms, glancing at her other two lovers with a proud and satisfied smirk.

[sweetheart4you]

In celebration of Ranma 1/2's remake (And the fact I completely forgot about it until I just binged the series), I make Ranma Headcannons <3. I'll get to my requests, I've been meaning to, but this new fixation won't leave till I get to write about my husband :3

You're Akane's twin brother, and seeing as you were a boy, your father never considered you to be Ranma's husband; even though you had come out as gay.

You were unlike Akane by a landslide; with crippling anxiety, not being into martial arts, liking to read and getting relatively good grades, etc.

Ranma and Akane always overlooked you since, unfortunately, you always faded into the background. Even in your own home you were forgotten about. That was, until you found a cute little black pig with a bandana around it's neck scrambling into your room.

Ranma was chasing it, not realizing the other cursed shifter you'd found out who's name was Ryoga, had jumped into your arms. You screamed, having previous experiences with pigs that freaked you out. Ranma obviously heard this and ran into your room, only to see you panicking and holding Ryokga away from your body but still holding him gently.

You had only been wearing an oversized sweater, one that was slipping off your shoulder. It was then that Ranma started to gain feelings for you; seeing as you were adorable and kind. He was confused as he'd never had feelings for men before, but you seemed like the exception.

Over the course of the following week, Ranma never saw you at your own home other than when you were going to bed. He also started to visit your room when everyone else was asleep; appreciating your night owl tendencies. You both talked about everything and anything, he found you adorable and kinder to him than Akane. You were understanding and even while overthinking and anxious about what his next words would be, you tried not to jump to conclusions and would only act once he said the full story.

You started to have a crush on him too, but you refused to start drama by confessing to your twin sister's fiance, especially since you were a guy too. You found him charming and he made sure that you knew he saw you, he made sure you knew he noticed and remembered little things you told him too. He was just sweet and endearing, even if not the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes.

But as Ranma and Akane grew closer, or seemingly did, you distanced yourself. You wouldn't disrespect either of them by being infatuated by your sister's fiance. But Ranma wouldn't let you, he wouldn't let the boy he was falling more and more in love with leave him. Especially if there was seemingly no reason for it. Ranma kept pushing and eventually broke your walls down.

But the next time he saw you was when you were telling your family your were moving out. Ranma wouldn't let this happen. He confessed then and there, grabbing your hands and looking you in the eyes as he said, “You can't leave! I love you {Name}, I won't let you leave without me! You can't! I won't allow it!”

Obviously everyone was shocked frozen, especially as he kept going. “I notice the way you often forget to take care of yourself, I notice when you fidget out of anxiety; it's adorable, I notice when you think you're unwanted somewhere! I won't let you think no one notices and let alone I don't care!”

Surprisingly, everyone was okay with it after processing for a few days. You and Ranma became fiancé's and were the cutest couple anyone saw. Akane got a girlfriend and came out as a lesbian, and everything worked out.

[neonscandal]

9 Anime to Watch to Feel Like This 👇🏾

I love how long it's been since I've done any rec's lists before pushing two new ones out. Since my blog tends to have a bit of a reputation, this one felt necessary. In no way is this an exhaustive list, but if you're looking for some LGBTQIA+ representation this month, consider tuning into any of the below. While shonen ai and yuri will of course have representation, I tried to focus on mainstream stories where possible with characters that tackle their identity or where it's not necessarily a plot point but simply a recognized component of who they are. Bonus manga recommendations at the end! Happy Pride, beloveds. ✨

Zombieland Saga (series) - Something, something about stars burning brightest not lasting as long. This is the story of an idol group of zombies who were inexplicably resurrected to bring attention and culture back to the Saga prefecture. Enter Franchouchou forged by starlets who'd died far too young, seeming victims of some unspoken curse. Follow along as each of the girls reconcile the loose ends of their human lives while making the best of their second chance at stardom. ✨

Sub/Dub | Crunchyroll

Blue Period (series) - Who you are isn't something that's readily apparent especially in your teenage years. For Yaguchi, he starts a bit behind the curve realizing in his junior year that he wants to pursue art. While the story centers around his journey to catch up with his peers, there's an element of self exploration and vulnerability that he can't quite tackle alone.

Sub/Dub | Netflix

Komi Can't Communicate (series) - Arguably the first slice of life romance to hit the list but the character who inspires the series' inclusion is not involved. This is the story of a girl trying to overcome crippling social anxiety and the boy who patiently helps to expand her social circle (even though the girl's actually really popular??). Yea, it's one of those shows. While I haven't specifically tried to out characters in describing recommendations, I included this show specifically for Najimi Osana who, while their sexuality is not particularly explored, still has very Be Gay, Do Crime energy with the way they are always looking for an ever so slightly sheisty angle. Like, good for you. The fact that they are also extremely popular and accepted by their millions of friends is just another reason to adore them.

Sub/Dub | Netflix

Ouran High School Host Club (series) - This particular throwback is a dicier inclusion than the last, namely because of the antiquated (and, at times, offensive) language that doesn't particularly hold up in a rewatch today. The show centers around a group of affluent "boys" who cater to the whims and fantasies of well connected girls at their high school. This frequently involves a bit of overdone fetishization of their own questionable sexualities and, while most of the gang is referred to as the "homosexual supporting cast", I can't dismiss the feeling that there is some earnest representation specifically with the lead that most of the hosts have a romantic soft spot for. It's a cult classic but undeniably outdated; however, I think, in the representation it does well, there is diversity. In what the series does poorly, it opens up dialogue especially for conversations people simply weren't having back when the show dropped.

Sub/Dub | Crunchyroll, Hulu

Sailor Moon (series) - Can't forget the OG. I think what, inherently, inspires the inclusion of Sailor Moon and OHSHC above is the fact that, even then, there were small rays of hope in media. How well or poorly it was executed goes to show the evolution of that representation. Spoilers but, for context, in the US, the couple above was censored and portrayed as unusually close cousins rather than romantic partners. Granted, there were a lot of other choices that were made back in the 90's that have since been corrected as the series has been remastered.

Sub/Dub | Hulu, Prime Video, Pluto TV

Ranma 1/2 (series + movies) - OKAY, I know I called Sailor Moon the OG but.. for all intents and purposes. Ranma 1/2 precedes even Sailor Moon. I would say the series, at times, may teeter a bit on whether the representation is positive or not but, I maintain that a significant portion of the cast is queer as hell. The series follows eponymous person of legend, Ranma Saotome, in a quest to become a "man amongst men" as though their life depends on it.

Sub/Dub | Hulu, Prime Video, Tubi

Stars Align (series) - While I think most of the above can be considered positive or negative representation, they are at least not trauma porn in nature. Enter: Stars Align, a moody coming of age story set as an underdog tennis club tries to defy all odds and avoid being disbanded. While I wouldn't classify this as trauma porn either, it does delve into some viscerally heavy topics while also tackling the act of Becoming for a group of young boys and what that can mean with a support system of unlikely peers.

Sub/Dub | Hulu, Crunchyroll

Wonder Egg Priority (series) - As we've departed to delve into darker themes, the premise of this show centers around teens who have dealt with instances of suicide and, subsequently, learning to stand up for themselves in real life (while violently battling it out in a dream world).

Sub/Dub | Crunchyroll

Jujutsu Kaisen (series + movie) - wholesome inclusion to remind you that you should never let your sexuality nor your gender identity stop you from pursuing world domination. Representation is equal opportunity and of little consequence to this story and, yet, considerably diverse for a shonen series. Don't get me wrong, it's a battle horror anime where kids are battling curses and plot armor is hard to come by so prepare to get your heart broken.

Sasaki and Miyano (series and movie) - There will never come a time where I don't recommend watching this series. Actually wholesome romcom wherein there's a patient level of acceptance and support as Miyano navigates the confusion of his feelings for a clingy senpai. Because there should be more unproblematic love stories in the world. 💕

Sub/Dub | Crunchryoll

BONUS MANGA

Is Love The Answer? by Uta Isaki, completed

While the main story focuses on a character navigating their way under the Ace Umbrella, the story features additional characters on their own journey of self discovery with resources for Questioning readers sprinkled throughout. It's also a great example of how broadening your media intake can create a better sense of understanding with who you are and how you identify with grace so you don't have to be so quick to label yourself.

The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn't a Guy At All by Sumiko Arai, ongoing

Adorable story of opposites that find a middle ground together which drives home the idea that you should never judge a book by it's cover.

[shady-tavern]

Perfect Nemesis Part One

As usual with all my hero and villain stories, this one has a warning for blood and injury, though nothing too graphic will be described.

***

You tasted sweat and dust on your tongue, the ground beneath you cracked and half crumbled and your ears rang. You couldn’t make yourself move, your limbs too heavy and hurt radiated in a big, cresting wave through your body.

You couldn’t breathe as someone loomed over you, scuffed boots with white laces appearing in your vision. The hand that gripped you and dragged you to your feet, your costume torn and blood seeping past to stain the colorful material, was icy. The touch felt searing with how cold it was and you were terrified.

You were dragged up until you met burning red eyes and you tried to fight, but your body wouldn’t move. A second hand rose, magic winding around the villain’s fingers and their grin was mean and terrible and full of ugly, righteous glee.

You didn’t want them to touch you, you tried to pull away, but their fingers pressed against your chest and you were going to die it hurt so much -

You woke with a desperate gasp, as though you had held your breath in your sleep. You fought free of your blankets, arms trembling and you sat up, pressing a hand over your chest. Your heart was pounding.

Just a dream. Just a nightmare.

You sagged back against your pillows, wiping sweat from your brow with trembling fingers. Just a dream. You stared up at the ceiling, the slowly rising sun outside just barely casting it’s first light past your windows.

You managed to slow your breathing, going through your grounding techniques until you no longer felt the phantom press of pebbles, until your tongue stopped tasting like dust and sweat. Until you no longer felt that terrible, cold hand press against your chest, about to rip everything you were and held dear away from you.

As got out of bed, you still felt uneasy down to your bones, nervous in a way you knew would last for hours. A sort of anxiety that haunted your bones like ghosts haunted old, abandoned houses.

Today would not be a good day.

Your hand fell to the ring you always wore, gripping it and the surrounding fingers tightly. It was made of simple, plain iron, scratched up and a little dinged in one or two spots after years of accompanying you through battles.

People had called it ugly in the past. Your last boyfriend had even tried to convince you to take it off for good, offering you a prettier ring in exchange. You hadn’t been able to tell him that you needed this ring.

You would never forget the villain who had attacked you back when you had been a sidekick, while the Hero Society had approved of your rise in rank to become a full fledged hero soon. 

Your mentor had been so proud, had helped you with the paperwork to apply for the promotion. She had even made sure you’d get to live and work somewhere you wanted instead of getting a random, open position.

The villain, on your last day as a sidekick, had utterly wiped the floor with you. He had sneered down at you when you had lain on the ground before him in that half-finished parking lot, construction equipment everywhere. 

You’d never forget the dark look in his eyes. The hatred in his voice as he had cursed you, his magic so thick it had choked you nearly unconscious.

Your mentor had shown up back then before he had been able to complete the spell, so he had quickly adjusted, cursing you to lose something vital instead of leaving you crippled inside and out for life.

Your mentor had stopped you when you had gone unhinged after the curse had taken hold. Pain and a sudden lack, an absence inside of you had had you howling with something that would have been grief had you still been capable of feeling such things.

Your mentor had restrained you, had kept you safe and comfortable and contained as others had come in to help. No one had been able to break the curse, but they had been able to do something else instead.

The moment the ring had been slipped on it had felt like you had been whole again after having been split in two, wandering around with only one eye and one ear and one half of a working tongue and mouth. Without the ring, everything had been wrong, you had seen and perceived the world in a warped, half-alive at best manner.

Because it wasn’t just simply empathy that the villain had taken away from you. That was only what other people called it, what you even called it to make it easier for others to understand. The villain had taken away everything good, everything warm and soft and capable of kindness and care within you. Kindness towards others and yourself.

Only after empathy had gotten ripped out of you had you understood just how intricately it had been tied to who you were as a person. How much it had driven you and your desire to do good, even if you didn’t always like people or felt up to the task.

Your empathy had made you hand-craft gifts for loved ones, had made sure you gave pep-talks to yourself and went to therapy. It made sure you got bubble baths and bought your favorite chocolate and took the time to make a good meal on your days off. It made sunrises bright and hopeful and made you dance and sing to music, no matter how silly you might otherwise feel.

Your empathy had made you feel alive.

You had never once taken the ring off after receiving it, vividly remembering the days without it. You had spent all that time not caring for other lives or for big and small wonders and pleasures.

How the people you loved and cared about had been less than strangers. They had felt like dust, like something you could and would carelessly wipe aside. Wipe out even should you consider it necessary. Everything within you had been dead and barren, salted earth after a war had left everything razed to the ground.

The moment the ring was considered a success and you had returned home safely, your mentor had gone on a hunt, capturing the villain who had done this to you. He had gotten dragged in front of a jury and sentenced to prison for life.

He had refused to remove the curse, no matter the threats and bargains people offered. He had said that the Society was welcome to torture and kill him, he would never let go of this final victory over them all.

'Besides, even if I wanted to, I could not remove it,' he had said with a haughty, victorious tilt of his head. 'It would take something quite awful indeed to even get a hold of the curse and something else entirely to remove it. I won’t say more on the matter.'

And he hadn’t.

'Why?' your mentor had snarled, standing half in front of you. And while she had always been on the slim and short side, right now she was bristling and tense like a lion in front of her cub and you had felt unexpectedly safe.

The villain had looked at you and all those sparks of safety had died as surely as stars in the night sky.

'Because you are good,’ he had told you, dark and bitter. 'Because you save people and no one saved me when I needed a hero.'

Even after six years and a lot of therapy you still remembered that moment vividly. You still had nightmares. You had never stopped being terrified of losing the ring one day. It was a constant fear that lived under your skin and made you paranoid. You checked if the ring was there multiple times throughout the day, making sure it hadn’t come lose or started to slip.

So no, today would not be a good day, but the world didn’t care about that. You dragged yourself out of bed to get ready, staring at your hero costume as you brushed your teeth. After getting cursed you had bothered the Society to get you a new costume, your mentor supporting you every step of the way.

It had felt wrong to go with the bright colors and a metallic H on your back you had chosen previously. You had wanted to call yourself Hopeful as a hero. Corny, yes and absolutely a little bit kitschy, but you had liked the idea of giving people hope.

You hadn’t been able to go through with it after the words the villain had spat at you, after knowing how close you now were to losing everything that made you you. A small band of iron was all that stood between you and walking through the world torn apart inside.

Imagination you called yourself these days, after your powers. It was, ironically, rather unimaginative, but when you had to re-do your paperwork, you hadn’t been able to come up with something better. You still weren’t able to think of a better hero name and by now you didn’t care to. People knew you as Imagination and that worked just fine.

You bagged your costume and gear in a nondescript sport’s bag and went to a hidden office of the Society. This one masqueraded as a travel agency and you got dressed in your separate dressing room, before you set foot into the backroom. 

You weren’t the only one ready to clock in to work and you exchanged a friendly greeting with your colleague and friend, your partner in this part of the city.

Peony was a hero capable of growing all kinds of plants and flowers at will and he had an innate kindness to him that made him very pleasant company indeed. 

He always decorated his hair with a crown of peonies and his costume with whatever flower he liked that day. He gave flowers to anyone sad or upset when he worked in order to cheer them up. Alongside with you he had a high track record of turning villains around and ending fights peacefully.

Or rather, you turned new villains around, for the older or well established ones would have only laughed and spat at your efforts before trying to tear you to shreds. Not everyone wanted to change. Not everyone wanted to be saved.

It had been hard at first to make yourself soft towards young, inexperienced villains, but you hadn’t wanted to become bitter and cynic after getting hurt. After getting cursed forever.

Countless hours of therapy and hard training had ensured you could take the chance of talking villains down if they seemed receptive. Of course some had tried to backstab you, but there were enough people who were just desperate or hurt and often enough they just needed someone to offer a helping hand. They just needed a little bit of kindness.

'No one saved me when I needed a hero'. Sometimes that accusation bounced around your head restlessly, no matter how much good you did. Those hate filled eyes followed you into your dreams.

"Are you alright?" Peony asked, carefully feeling along his glued down mask, making sure it had dried well. The last thing any of you wanted was to have your masks torn off by villains or overly invasive paparazzi. Those existed too, irritatingly enough. "You look tired."

"I’m fine," you lied. Today was a bad day and it would pass, you reminded yourself. You’d be more careful and you’d truck through your work hours and tonight you’d go and call your therapist and try to get back on track in time for work tomorrow.

"Hm." Peony hummed softly and a moment later he held out his hands, a flower crown woven out of small, magenta lilacs and dark blue cornflowers rested on his palms. Like the colors of your suit, only less muted. "For a little bit of good luck," he said with a warm, kind smile.

You felt yourself soften, smiling back at him and bowing forward a bit so he could put it on your head. "Thank you."

"Of course, I know we don’t get to hang out outside of work, because of secret identities and all, but you’re my friend," he said with a warm smile. "And we have each other’s back, always. Radio me in if you need some company or assistance today, alright?"

"Alright," you said and you knew that Peony would never judge you for needing a bit of help. You had helped him out a couple of times when he had had bad days and he understood what it felt like to have the past snap at your heels like hungry hounds.

There was hardly a hero who didn’t carry around some shadow, some memory of terror and defeat. Some had it worse than others, but sooner or later everyone met a villain that crushed them under their heel.

Some heroes had managed to rise to the occasion and had defeated the villain at long last, others had needed help and backup to take down the one who had tried to break them. Some never again returned to active duty.

You made sure your gloves were secure so your ring could never, ever slip off during a fight. It was, at this point, the single most important thing about your outfit, aside from it’s protective properties.

Your sleeves were even designed to make sure your gloves stayed in place by you pulling the cuffs over the gloves, keeping the hem in place with thumb holes. You could not risk losing the ring. You would not ever risk it. Besides, gloves were almost expected in your field of work, no matter if one was a villain or hero.

Your work day started out quietly enough. People waved at you, you posed for a few pictures, making sure to paste your signature smile onto your face. Just because you wanted to go crawl under a blanket and watch TV the rest of the day didn’t mean you had to let others know.

You helped a lost girl find her fathers and carried the groceries of an elderly couple up the stairs to their front door. Simple, little things that actually made you happy. This was what you wished being a hero could be all about more often. Just walking through the streets, helping anyone who needed a hand.

Right before your lunch break - because of course villains had to have awful timing - you heard the sound of something splintering. It didn’t quite sound like the sharp, high-pitched sound of glass, nor the gravelly crack of asphalt and stone or the screech and snap of metal.

Jolting around, you stilled when you saw cracks spidering through the air itself, as though part of the world had turned into a mirror someone had punched. You had just half a second to recognize those powers, before you saw him.

Endless.

A villain with reality manipulating and altering powers who should not be here. This was not his city. You hadn’t heard of him losing a territory battle or handing his territory over to someone else either.

You had just a moment to feel utter confusion mingled in alarm, before those eyes found you. Ones that held an intense glow of magic and a grin curled across his face. It wasn’t hard for you two to recognize each other as enemies, not with the masks and armored costumes.

Your muted magenta and dark blue, his black with gleaming, metallic blue accents, mirroring the shine of his eyes easily visible through his half-face mask. He shifted to face you, his body tensing up the only warning you got before he lunged into action.

Showtime.

You had heard about Endless’s powers, of how he cracked the world around himself open like an egg, as though he was pulling the stitches of reality apart at the seams to poke his fingers between. To pull forth whatever laid beyond.

You had heard, but not understood what it meant. How it felt to meet that star speckled void that he pulled forth from the cracks, easily manipulating the matter as he saw fit. Something primal in your hindbrain was alarmed and then swiftly terrified when you felt that void skim past your skin, just barely missing your face.

The very foundation of your existence wanted to run and suddenly you understood why Endless was so feared even though he had never killed or crippled anyone, be they hero or civilian. Anyone would want to run from the thing that could unmake them.

But for the first time in your life, your own powers were the perfect counter. You had been born with the ability to summon things you could create within your own mind. Your own version of manipulating reality.

You watched Endless’s eyes widen as the air around you shimmered in a crystalline manner and you pulled forth two sleek panthers. Your favorite weapon fell into the hand you kept hidden at your side by shifting your stance, waiting for your moment to strike.

"Oh my," Endless breathed and you only heard him because he had come close enough that he could almost touch you if he stretched out his hand. "How very lovely."

The beasts leaped forward to distract him, while you ducked beneath another swipe of his void-wrapped fist, striking at his unguarded flank.

The blow struck, but Endless hadn’t climbed the ranks without being able to tank a few hits.

The fight was fast and harsh and, in a way, exhilarating. You hadn’t ever fought like this before, where it took every ounce of your concentration, pulling creations into existence while dodging the very power that made the feral part of your hindbrain gibber in fear.

You almost thought it would end in a true draw, the two of you getting tired, movements slower, blows and dodges getting sloppier. The world around you was a mixture of splintered cracks and that crystalline shimmer of your powers.

Right up until you managed to conjure a snake in Endless’s blind spot and when the summoned animal wrapped around his foot, just as he wanted to kick out at you, it ended in him getting yanked back instead.

Your hit connected with his shoulder and he fell to the ground, breathing hard, sweat dripping down his chin, but as he stared up at you, a grin was on his face. It had something wild around the edges and was so delighted it gave you pause.

"Beautiful," he said, his eyes glowing brighter. The tone of his voice caught you off guard, impressed and delighted and something else. Something that was just slightly breathless, just slightly…almost soft with reverence. "I’m so sorry to cut this short, I wish we could have finished this."

Before you could do more than feel bewildered, the ground beneath him cracked apart, that void surging up to swallow him. You jerked forward, only to immediately flinch back. You knew you could not reach into that void, could not follow him without being unmade.

As the void smoothed back over like waves calming after a big splash, the cracks around you faded away, returning the world to how it was meant to be. The sound of distant traffic and shouting civilians filtered through and it was only then that you realized how quiet it had been previously.

How far away the world had been, how nothing had been able to reach you with so much shattered reality everywhere around you.

"Imagination!" Peony’s voice made you jolt and a moment later he landed beside you, clapping you on the shoulder. His press smile was on his face, while his eyes were impressed. "Good fight, my friend!"

It…had been. You realized that you had been the first person in nearly five years to make Endless back out of a fight. You hadn’t won the battle, but when you glanced up at the clapping and cheering crowd, you realized that you had won in the eyes of the public.

Peony swiftly whisked you away to avoid the excited crowd and paparazzi that had been rushing towards you, cameras and microphones at the ready.

"Are you alright?" Peony asked as the two of you sat high up on a skyscraper, wedged in behind an old, big gargoyle. Your shoulders pressed together and you tipped your head back to stare up at the sky.

"Yeah, you said with a smile, then you frowned. "I thought Endless called Imperia home, not our city."

Imperia, the capital city, was a veritable cesspit of villains and underground crime. That Endless had made a name for himself in a place that ruthlessly chewed up and spat out anyone who faltered, who misstepped only the slightest bit, meant something.

You doubted that anyone but you truly had a good defense against him and these void powers. Powers that could destroy anything that was real near immediately - but your creations were only half real. They existed because you wanted them to, not because they were actually a part of reality. That made them harder to break.

"I don’t know," Peony answered after a moment of silence. "Maybe the Society knows what’s up."

*.*.*

The Society, in fact, had no idea why Endless had given up his bitterly fought for territory in Imperia. In fact, no one was able to find out anything as the weeks turned to months and instead of answers, you only got more questions.

And you gained a nemesis. 

You had never had one before and you could have entirely done without ever getting one. Endless however had decided that you were ’the shit’ as an impressed teen had once said and he just had to take you down.

Endless didn’t always seek you out when you were on patrol, especially since he had plenty of things to do himself, but whenever you spotted him, you knew he had come for you. After that first fight, you had never again managed to get the upper hand against him. Until now, everything had ended in a draw where the two of you had been forced to retreat.

He was dangerous and cunning and you really had no idea why he bothered fighting with you as much as he did. There was no need for Endless to go up against you or to seek you out for battles.

He was powerful enough that he could have just slipped past you to cause destruction elsewhere. To go pick off the younger or weaker heroes and sidekicks, the ones he could kick around like squeaky toys. 

He could have even gone straight for the official Society headquarters, since he had once let slip that he knew where it was. You didn’t know for sure if he actually did know, but the threat had been big enough that the Society was currently busy relocating, having closed down the headquarters for the time being.

He could have…well, he could have done a lot more damage, was what you were trying to say. You were glad that he didn’t though, that he didn’t kill people and never involved civilians if it could be avoided.

Endless had even stopped attacking a fellow hero the time your colleague had gotten knocked out in a fight against him, just as you had arrived. Rather than hit your fellow hero again to kill him or to inflict career ending injuries, Endless had just stepped aside.

He had allowed you to carry the woman to safety, though he had done so with running commentary. Everything had been said, from compliments to teasing remarks until you couldn’t help but snap back. And then he had grinned, achieving what he had wanted: that you spoke with him.

That you looked at him, bantering back before you knew it.

It was simultaneously the most fun and the most intense time whenever you fought him.

And recently he had gotten into the very distracting, very flustering habit of murmuring those compliments and teasing remarks at you whenever your fight caused the two of you to end up close to each other.

It was so easy to forget the world when he made the noise disappear, when everything was so far away with the way he cracked the world apart.

And yet, he never locked you in, he never put you into a cage you couldn’t escape, for wherever those cracks were, it was impossible to reach past them. But there were always spots to slip through for you and you just knew that was on purpose.

It was unexpected to look at a villain and realize that a part of you trusted him. Trusted him to not hit below the belt, to pull his punches before something truly awful happened. When you fought him, you could forget about the ring on your finger and how you could never, ever allow those gloves to come off.

"Why me?" you found yourself asking at your next clash, the fight between you no longer a harsh meeting of two blunt forces, but something refined and sharp. Almost like a fierce dance.

"Pardon?" Endless asked, elegantly ducking beneath your weapon and kicking the two-headed hound out of the way that you had summoned today. "Your beautiful lethality distracted me for a moment."

"Why fight me?" you asked, ignoring his compliments. He was just trying to make you trip up, you were certain he’d stop once he realized it wasn’t going to work, no matter what he said.

Endless blinked, looking taken aback for just a split second, before he stepped in close with a quick maneuver, close enough to almost touch you.

His voice was quiet and almost soft as he said, "If it’s not obvious, I am doing a worse job than I thought."

When you looked as confused as you felt, he made a low noise and the next second you smoothly slid back a step, head jerking to the side to avoid getting touched by the void he drew forth.

"I’ll figure out how to make my intent clear," he said in that tone that never failed to send a small shiver down your spine in the best of ways. His gaze flickered past you and his smile got a regretful little quirk. "For now, I fear our time is almost up."

To your surprise, he leaned in again, close enough that your noses were almost touching. You realized that you had stopped moving a second later, that the hounds stood still, waiting for your next command. 

"I don’t believe you find me quite so despicable," he murmured, his fingertips brushing your hand.

The one with the ring. Cold reality crashed over you, a sudden stab of alarmed fear that had nothing to do with Endless himself and his powers and you found yourself flinching back, hand tucked against your chest before you could stop yourself.

No other villain would have gotten that reaction, would have seen that moment of vulnerability. Plenty of villains had grabbed your wrist or hand before, especially if they had matter or mind manipulating powers. It was hardly the first time.

But something about Endless made it feel as though your barriers were paper thin. You had gotten careless.

His eyes widened at your reaction. "Apologies," he said, gaze flicking between you and your hand. Then his gaze snapped past you and he muttered an unflattering curse at the people you knew were about to join you.

With a last, thoughtful and apologetic glance your way, he folded into the cracks, disappearing into the void.

The world smoothed out, but your heart kept racing and you forced yourself to lower your hand back to your side and look normal and unaffected.

You were deeply relieved that Peony showed up moments later, whisking you away with an excuse to save you from the people. When you sat crouched behind the same gargoyle as last time, he said nothing when you curled up tight, hand clutched against your chest and forehead pressed against your knees.

He knew about the ring, about what had happened to you. It wasn’t hard to find out, not with how public both the fight and trial had been. Peony had slowly, over time, asked you more questions about it. Always carefully and gently and you had recently told him the rest of the story. How you didn’t remember what curse you had been afflicted with, only how it had felt to receive it.

And what happened if you ever took your ring off.

Peony was a solid line of warmth against your side and sometimes you felt a light tickling against your shoulder or head. By the time you looked up, uncurling a little, you blinked when you realized he had almost entirely covered you in flowers.

"Why is Endless bothering with me?" you found yourself asking as he carefully set down a handful of daisies in your now revealed lap.

"I think he’s flirting with you," Peony said and when you stared at him, wide eyed, he laughed. "Oh, he is. Couldn’t you tell?"

You grumbled beneath your breath, looking away and feeling embarrassed. Embarrassed and…aw, shit. You also felt flattered and touched and gooey warm. You liked Endless's attention and his words and how he fought you and how close the two of you could get to each other.

"I think you should ask yourself why you indulge him so," Peony continued, creating some tiny roses he put in your palm when he motioned for your hand. They were a pretty pink. 

"But he’s a villain," you found yourself saying and he snorted and started to tick off his fingers.

"Thunder and Goldstar, Justice and the Furious Two, Deadend and Dawn and of course, we can’t forget the most iconic and notorious romance between Dragon and Nightmare," he said. "They are villains and heroes who are more than enemies, if you catch my drift."

"Nothing was ever confirmed," you muttered and he shot you a look.

His voice was softer as he said, "Not officially, no. But I know you saw at least some of their fights. In all honesty, it even looked like Nightmare recently proposed to Dragon in the middle of their battle."

"Wait, what?" You sat up straight at that, sending a shower of flowers to tumble off of you. Peony just simply made a few more and tossed them straight at your face, petals silk-soft and sweet smelling.

"Endless isn’t awful," he said. "Arrogant, yes. Highly dangerous? Oh abso-fucking-lutely, but he’s no killer. He fucks with the government and some institutions and companies over for fun. No one knows what he really wants most of the time. His moral compass is probably so firmly in the gray zone he might as well rename himself into Raincloud, but you have my blessings."

"Thanks, Mom," you joked back and he smiled, nudging your shoulders together.

"I’m glad you’re doing better," he said, which made all the sarcastic mirth smooth out into something softer and genuine. "Want me to patrol with you the rest of the day?"

You were quiet for a long moment, staring down at the flowers littered all around you. All your favorite flowers and some of his.

"Yeah," you said at last. "Thanks."

"That’s what friends are for." He made a flower crown and gently set it upon your head. "Now come on, before someone yells at us for slacking off."

*.*.*.*

If you had expected Endless to back up, you were sorely mistaken. Not that you…not that you wanted him to. Still, you had no idea if you should reciprocate, if he really was flirting with you like Peony said, or how to go about it.

Endless certainly had stepped up his game after last time. Now every fight it seemed less and less like he wanted to get close to you in order to trade blows, quick strikes and just as quick parries, but to slip around your defenses like water and say more and more things in a low voice only you could hear.

If your battles had looked like dancing before, now your fights really were just a steady back and forth, a push and pull that had left all attempts at actual hitting behind ages ago.

Endless never again touched your hand, but now his fingertips brushed your elbow, your shoulders, your lower arm. He tugged at your utility belt instead of destroying it like another villain would have and you found yourself reaching back.

But he did glance down at your hand every time the two of you fought. The outline of the ring wasn’t easily visible beneath the gloves, but it felt like he had figured out exactly where the ring was.

You ignored it, you much rather focused on the bantering, on the way the words he said in that utterly pleasant and very flustering voice made you feel. You much rather bantered back, the world with all its troubles and realities locked away beyond those cracks he formed around you without ever locking you in.

You should not have ignored it.

It was Peony who called you just as you were about to finish patrol a couple of days later. It was getting quite late and you had volunteered for an evening shift to clear your head after you kept thinking about Endless. 

You had even found yourself watching some of his old fights online. It was…pleasant, possibly even alluringly impressive, to see him in action. His competence, his skills, his cunning and adaptability.

"Can you meet me at the old warehouse district?" Peony asked, voice tense and lowered over the phone in a way that told you something was wrong and he didn’t want to be spotted. "At the barrel intersection? There is a group of villains and far too fucking many explosives."

"On my way," you said, already changing tracks and hurrying towards the district. "Wait until I’m there."

"Hurry," he hissed and ended the call.

You arrived in record time, finding Peony hiding behind the barrels that lined the intersection on one side. It wasn't officially named Barrel Intersection, but that was what the two of you called it.

The old warehouse district was a quiet neighborhood, a mixture of storefronts and still used warehouses and industrial apartments on the more expensive side.

It also offered a lot of backrooms for villains to meet in and plot. Weirdly enough, you couldn’t see anything. The windows of the apartments were all dark and the storefronts lit, showing that no one was inside.

Actually, it was impossible to see much at all from the spot where Peony crouched.

"Where are they?" you asked in a whisper, as you ducked down beside him. "Did they leave already?"

"Alley," he whispered back and slipped into the shadows, face and shoulders tense in a way you hadn’t seen in quite a while. Or ever, possibly. It must be worse than you had thought.

You followed, only to notice that the flowers he usually decorated his outfit with were different. 

That wasn’t too strange in and of itself, Peony picked a new flower for his outfit every week, but it was always something cute and sweet, something that delighted the kids he saved and made crying people smile when he offered them a sunflower or cherry blossoms or tulips. And he always wore peonies around his head.

You weren’t well versed in flowers, but even you recognized the ones you could see now. Belladonna and nettles and a crawling of moss down his shoulders.

"Peony?" you whispered, confused. A low warning tingle spread through your limbs. You warily glanced around. Something was off.

"This is going to be horrible," Peony said so softly you barely heard him and something in his voice was different. It took you a second to realize it was sadness, laced with pain and grim determination.

A second you shouldn't have wasted with puzzling over his tone.

Vines stronger than anything Peony had created before snapped forward to wrap around your limbs, dragging you to the ground with a power and strength you hadn’t been able to fight.

In a split second, your mind ran through all the things an enemy could have done to Peony. Possession, mind control, mind manipulation, blackmail and a plethora of spells. Right up until cracks spidered along the wall and Endless oozed out of the void.

Both of their faces were solemn and grim, something you weren’t used to seeing. You fought the vines, shifting your hands and focusing on your powers when Peony took a step forward, a very familiar item in his hand, gas filling the alley with a sharp hiss.

The hero society had gas canisters that allowed heroes to nullify the powers of their partners in case of aforementioned mind control and other trouble. Those measures worked only short-term, a few moments at most, just long enough for either the afflicted hero or the responsible villain to be taken out.

You felt your powers hit a block, the shimmer around you vanishing in an instant. That was when a first creeping of fear and betrayal set in.

"What do you want?" you hissed as Endless stepped forward and Peony kept you pinned to the ground, the vines keeping your limbs still no matter how hard you fought.

"I’m very sorry about this," Endless murmured and reached for your hand. The one with the ring.

Panic immediately slammed into you and you found yourself saying, "No." even as he forced your fist open to pull your thumb through the hole in the sleeve and push the sleeve back. 

The moment he pulled your glove off, betrayal hit you fully like a hit to the gut, like a vile stench that threatened to make you gag and dizzy.

"Don’t," it came out like a pleading croak and you were only distantly aware of the fact that panicked tears were starting to gather in your eyes. You had thought he’d cared about you. You had been…had been fool enough to start to fall in love with him.

Endless said nothing, wrestling with your hand until more vines appeared, pinning your fingers into place. All but one. You looked at Peony, who stood back, silent and watching.

"I thought you were my friend," you rasped out just as Endless slipped the ring off your finger.

Your world shattered into something cold and warped, your breaths feeling crisp and clear in your lungs. Tears stopped gathering and your hammering heart slowed immediately, all those conflicting and painful feelings dying away, leaving only a yawning absence. A gnarly, ripped open wound across your soul that could easily be torn wider.

Your fingers twitched as you felt the effects of the gas wear off and you gathered your powers close, your mind already conjuring up something. Something unexpected that would give you the wriggle room to get free.

"Gloves off, huh?" you said, your voice coming out flat and cool. "Very well."

People thought that a lack of empathy meant that only rage and violence were left behind. That only something vile existed now, as if everything about human emotions could be neatly divided into 'good' and 'bad' at all times.

A lack of empathy meant there was also a lack of rage, of betrayed hurt, of the desolate realization that you had gotten played by two people you had grown to trust so very much. That you cared for so very much.

It felt different compared to when you had first gotten cursed. Back then the cosmos-bright wrongness within you had utterly consumed your mind. But now that wasn't the case.

You knew this curse. Your body knew it. Had lived years like this, even if the ring had been a neat little temporary loophole.

You had known you’d always end up like this again. The absence was still there, the torn open wound where something had been ripped away from you, but it did not consume your mind.

Your gaze snapped to the two threats in front of you as Endless dropped the ring and reached out again.

The advantage of having pulled your punches previously, of having had morals, was that they did not expect what you would do. They would not count on you summoning creatures that resembled nightmares.

Startling them was the advantage you needed and the monsters that tore out of the shimmering air moved fast like spiders, leapt like predators and had a maw of teeth like sharks.

The vines around you slackened and you ripped free, smoothly rolling to your feet and backing away behind the protective press of nightmare bodies. Two of the creatures had skittered up and along the wall, dropping down from above.

You took the moment of distraction, of hurried fighting, to focus on your biggest creation yet.

You hadn’t made things too big before, always aware of the civilians and the buildings around you as well as your own health. The damage you could cause not only to human life but also to people’s livelihood and possessions.

That didn’t matter anymore. Other people and their problems did no longer concern you. It felt as though the air behind you grew solid for a moment, no longer just wavering and shimmering, but a hard crystal surface, flat and shiny like a mirror, stretching to cover the space behind you from wall to wall.

The ground trembled faintly as the hydra stepped out, three heads swiveling to pin on the two men who had just defeated your skittering critters. One maw dripped acid, the other had smoke curling up and the last snapped its teeth, lightning arching.

"Please tell me you have another canister," Endless said, body tense and ready, as Peony stepped up to his side with a nod. "Cover my back?"

"Always," Peony answered, hands lifting and vines, thick and thorny, breaking out of the walls of the alley, writhing and destructive.

The hydra lunged with a screech, only for the lightning head to suddenly turn into chopped up, bleeding pieces, courtesy of Endless cracking it apart. You had always wondered if he could break flesh as easily as air. Your answer, evidently, was yes.

What a good thing that Hydra heads grew back in double their number. Acid sizzled, fire caught on wood and scorched stone and lightning from the new head lit up the area with quick flashes, while the fourth head lunged forward in a poison filled bite.

With the hydra blocking their path and obscuring their view of you, you had a comparatively easy time avoiding the vines, even as head after head got decimated. You took a second to create your usual weapon, only instead of the blunt hammer, it came out more deadly. Sharper.

That moment, your hydra got wrapped in vines, the heads getting pinned together, mouths forced shut. You watched the broken cobblestone and bricks, vines crawling from below and a new idea found you.

You hadn’t attempted to mix your imagination with the world around you before. You had only just summoned. You closed your eyes for a moment, heart beat steady and calm. You were not harried or frenzied or afraid, all you felt was…hollowed out. Empty. Like a yawning abyss had opened inside you that kept it’s frayed, torn mouth wide open at all times.

It took a second, the hydra growling and writhing, the smell of blood and smoke and something sharp and stinging thick in the air. Some of the heads must have fought free, for you saw a chain of lightning bursts flicker past even with your eyes closed and the golden, bright flare of fire.

When you opened your eyes, the crystalline matter of your summoning was woven into the alley around you, shimmering between walls and ground, layered over and sunk into stone and glass and metal.

You tugged, then realized it would take far, far more power than that. So you yanked and pulled, sweat starting to drip down your face and your heart beating faster with effort and just as your hydra got hacked into so many pieces all at once that it disintegrated, the alley around you heaved like it had come alive.

Because it had. You heard an alarmed shout as the entire alley reassembled itself, your stance shifting to keep your balance on the dragon head that raised itself out of earth and stone, built out of the material around you and held together by the matter of your imagination. 

It was easily the most powerful thing you had ever made and it made your legs tremble with how thoroughly it had drained you. Now you no longer only felt empty but exhausted down to your bones as well. You just barely kept your grip on the dragon, realizing that you had to finish this fast before your powers failed you.

It seemed you had overdone it. It would be worth it, if you won.

You met Endless’s eyes, the man who was your perfect nemesis, your perfect opponent. Peony was nowhere to be seen, aside from a splatter of blood on the ground and there were no hiding spots he could have been in without betting crushed when you had torn the alley apart. He had gotten eaten by the hydra.

Almost distantly, as though detached, you wondered what Endless was capable off if he, too, stopped pulling his punches.

You weighed the weapon in your hands as the dragon roared, wings sweeping out like giant sails, crushing the top of a nearby building to rubble. You weighted your powers against Endless’s. His intent and willingness to harm you against your ability to avoid being sliced apart like your hydra. 

Your legs trembled again, nearly buckling. You did not have the strength to draw this fight out any longer, nor would you be able to negotiate properly like this should it become necessary. You’d need to rest before making a decision, unless you managed to kill him.

It was worth a try.

"I knew you were holding back on me," Endless shouted up at you, but his usual smile was nowhere to be seen and he was out of breath. "I think it’s only fair if I do the same, isn’t it?"

You had seen the world crack like a mirror before and you expected to see much of the same again. And you did, for just a moment.

Before the cracks that spidered from his touch met in the air and then the world broke away in big pieces, the void devouring the edges of your dragon, forcing you to make it curl in tighter as it swiped and stomped and spat fire at Endless, who dipped in and out of the void too quickly to be caught.

You were about to take flight to gain the upper hand when Endless did smile, grim and triumphant. That was the only warning you got, as a crack appeared above you and Peony came tumbling out of the void, looking vaguely ill. His mask and half his outfit were gone, the void slipping off the edges where it had started to devour him.

For just a second you met his eyes, then you saw the canister he held in his hands and when you tried to dodge, your legs buckled at last, sending you tumbling onto the dragon’s hard head.

Peony landed at your side just as the canister hissed and you felt that wall slam up against your powers once more. The dragon collapsed in an avalanche of hard material and the only reason you didn’t get buried in a massive pile of rubble was Peony. He grabbed you and hauled the two of you away with vines.

Vines that tied you to the ground the second he landed and Endless took one big step forward to stand over you. They were both bleeding, Peony wrapping an arm around ribs that were most likely broken, while a gash down Endless’s shoulder made blood soak into his outfit and drip to the ground from his fingertips.

You stared up at them, fingers flexing and exhaustion making them tremble faintly. It seemed you had miscalculated. Not that it would matter for long, they’d finish taking you out any moment now.

"Careful," Peony whispered, looking tense and worried.

"I know," Endless said and it made no sense to you. They had blocked your powers for now and they could finish you off without worry. And even if you did manage to survive and wriggle free, you were too tired to summon anything else. Probably even too tired to run.

You distantly remembered your mentor saying that a lack of empathy made you reckless and careless with yourself to a frightening degree, that any sort of worry and concerns got wiped away.

Endless moved to kneel over you, knees bracketing your ribs.

He took a deep breath and held out his hands without touching you. "Here goes nothing. If you have some prayers left to say, say them now."

You had never felt his powers used on you. You had felt the void, had known it would try to pull you apart like bad stitching, but he had never cracked you.

There was a split second of something wrong registering, before everything just went utterly numb and detached. You stared up at Endless as he reached into the cracks that had just pulled apart cloth and skin and tissue, bone and organs to reach something else.

You would have called it your soul had you cared to and he reached right for the ripped open wound where everything that made you human, that made you feel like a person, had gotten torn out in a sloppy, brutal manner.

Peony hovered close by worriedly and you found yourself looking at him, his face turning into an apologetic grimace. Why? Had he not intended for you to die when he had betrayed you?

Endless’s fingertips touched the edges of the wound the curse had ripped into you, took a deep breath and exhaled slow. The glow of his eyes brightened and you felt a second crack, a shattering within the shattering.

For a moment the world around you seemed to exist only in bits and pieces that came and went without feeling connected to each other. Cracked stone beneath you, one hand gloved the other not, the smell of ozone and fire, the dark, smog filled sky above, your inhale, a heart beat.

A soul-bound wound shattering.

The second Endless pulled back, you saw that he held something writhing and vile between his fingers, tendrils of void wrapped around it. Then he curled his fingers around the curse, letting it be swallowed by the void.

You felt the second the curse was unmade, the world rushing back in all the details it had lacked as it vanished. The taste of exhaustion on your tongue, the heavy pain in your limbs from overextending yourself so brutally, the ache of your heart and your great confusion.

The last thing you noticed before blacking out was Endless carefully smoothing away the cracks he had made on your chest, still without touching you, looking exhausted and grimly victorious.

.

Part Two

[dellalyra]

Family Formation - Primal

Summary: 225.

CW: !!spoilers!!leaks!!225!! DO NOT READ IF U DO NOT WANT SPOILERS, vomit, panic, shock, tears, canon violence, blood, angst.

A/N: I’m sorry.

I’m really sorry.

Silence. Is it silent? Or is it deafening? You don’t know – all you know is the ringing in your ears.

Your bones seem to vanish from within you as all remaining strength leaves your body and you barely even feel your body make contact with the tiles beneath you. There’s just the ringing.

Green. Everywhere. As your knees hit the ground an explosion of powerful cursed energy ripples through the room. Walls crack from the roots exploding through them. The windows shatter at the piercing thorny vines that emanate from your body. Your cursed energy so strong your body couldn’t hold it – because you weren’t there. Every plant within a kilometre dies. Claws and fangs erupt from hands and teeth.

Ancient techniques seeping from your bones. No longer in control.

Primal. Fucking. Fear.

Satoru. Satoru.

It’s not like you notice any of this. You’re not controlling it.

There is no control.

You don’t even register that you’re vomiting. Or that you’re sobbing.

Or that you’re screaming.

Fight or flight.

Your body chose fight.

Fight to Satoru fight to satoru fight to Satoru fight to

You begin to move your body in the direction of the door. If you can just move fast enough you can get there, you get get to him, you can save him.

He needs you he needs you he needs you he needs you they need you.

Why can’t you move? Why won’t your arms move? Why are you trapped?

Let me go let me go met me go let me go let me go

You’re screaming and kicking and clawing to against your restraints but they are steadfast.

There’s no sounds but ringing, no instinct but that to run to him. Your vision is blurred. There’s only one word in your mind.

Satoru.

Shoko doesn’t scream. But this time, she does. She sees the screen, the domains, the curse and the man – her best friend. She sees everything.

She sees the pale skin.

She sees the slash.

She screams. She hears voices screaming. She sees you. A pile of skin and vomit. She rushes to you, face wet and stomach churning but she needs to get to you.

After all, her best friend has just watched her husband’s neck be slashed.

Then you’re moving, your body darts away. You’re trying to get to him.

Y/N. Distress. If she can’t handle things her first instinct is to call for Gojo. Or Geto. Even Nanami.

Remembers a day in high school you fought the higher ups – she called Gojo.

A day when your anxiety felt like you’d cripple – Geto.

Nightmares of losing Satoru to Toji – Nanami.

Nightmares of losing everyone – her.

But she can’t. Because two of them are dead, oh my god, is it three?

No – she won’t lose you too. She grasps your arms but she can’t hold you. You’re thrashing and screaming and then she doesn’t feel it anymore. A stronger body catches you to engulf (restrain).

She’s seen him come back from the dead before. Another slash in the necks. You’d seen it too. Death and then alive.

He became a god that day.

Her logical doctor brain says he’s not dead he has done this before.

That doesn’t make it easier to watch.

He’s not dead, and she knows it.

“Y/N. He’s not dead. He can use Reverse CT. Y/N, listen, he’s not dead.”

She doesn’t think you can hear her.

This – you, right now – this is primal fear.

Your body is still screaming, still clawing – more viciously now that there’s more strength behind your hold. You're clawing at black robes, the body so much larger and taller than you that you’re a kitten trying to break a brick wall.

You’re feral in your panic.

Strong arms hold you to the body. The face of the body’s owner stony in its attempt at composure.

Choso.

She locks eyes with him, he nods to her. Tears in his own eyes.

He knows. If you run to him, you’ll die. You’re family to him now. You have cared for his younger brother. He barely knows Gojo Satoru. He has only known you two weeks. But he knows he must protect you. You are Yuuji’s family – so you are his.

Somehow, Gojo had known to trust him. Before he had left for Sukuna – he had turned to him.

“Keep her safe.” He had said to him.

As he left, he saw your exchange with your husband.

He had lifted you, legs wrapped around his waist, arms arms your hips. Choso had thought it was quite funny how tiny you were compared to Satoru – disparity evident as he saw you in his arms.

You were smiling as you threaded your hands through your husbands hair as you both giggled into a passionate kiss.

Shoko had rolled her eyes at this – “You two have been together for 12 years, 3 kids and married for 5 – why the fuck do you still act 17?” Choso detected no malice in the doctor’s words, however. Friendship? He thinks that it.

“Go get our boy back, ‘toru.” You say to him, as he ever so gently sets you on the ground. You’re still smiling like you’re looking at the best thing in the world. Was that love? Choso wondered. True, real, unapologetic love – he saw the same thing reflected in Gojo’s face. You two were the only people in the universe that moment. He thinks that is true love. That was how Yuuji and the dark haired boy, Megumi, had looked at each other too. Choso thinks the world needs more of that.

“As you wish. See you in a minute, Princess.” Gojo presses one more kiss to your lips and walks away with a wink.

See you in a minute.

Bring our boy back.

There was no question of whether or not he’d come back. It wasn’t even a consideration that he would lose.

He guesses that is what made this current moment worse.

Still holding his body and arms taut as a prison to keep you from collapsing or escaping to run to your husband and son – he looks for Yuuji.

He has also tried to leave – held back by Okkotsu and Inumaki, Higuruma and Ino. They can barely restrain him. Yuuji notices you – screeching like a banshee and fighting against Choso like a caged wild animal.

He just saw the curse that lived in his body, now in the body of his true love, slash the neck of his sensei. He wasn’t dead. Gojo-sensei was not dead. He wasn’t, Yuuji refused to believe it.

Megumi. Please come back to me, to her, to us.

Gojo Satoru was not dead.

He wasn’t fucking dead.

He thinks of you. Your son. Your husband. He couldn’t promise you he wasn’t dead. He couldn’t make that vow.

He rushes to you.

Shoko is there too, staring between you and the screen – he thinks she’s in shock.

You vomit again.

He wraps his arms around you as you continue to throw up. Your screaming has stopped with the vomiting and your body falls weak from exertion and shock. Your eyes are blank. You’re staring at the door now, being held in Choso’s arms and Yuuji wrapped around you.

Blank eyes, staring at the door. Waiting for someone to let you free so you can go to him. You need to fight. For him.

He needs you he needs you he needs you he needs you.

You’re muttering. He thinks it’s mindless but when he listens closely, it’s just one word. Over and over and over again. You screamed so hard your throat is raw and there is blood leaking from the corner of your mouth – scratches all over your body from thrashing.

One word.

Again. And again.

“Satoru.”

[callmelittlebuttercup]

Peace Offerings Pt. 11

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Chapter Summary: Joel and Reader had avoided each other long enough, and an accident at a community restoration forced them to speak to each other again. The two eventually come to a better way of navigating their feelings.

Series Warnings: Slow burn, Fluff, Angst, Age gap (reader is 34, Joel is 56), 18+ Minors DNI, Sexual Themes, Violence, Injuries (depictions of blood, bruising, broken bones), Cursing, Grumpy!Joel, Minimal depictions of reader's appearance (hair color/length.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part Eleven

  A few weeks passed by, and I’d volunteered to help out at the little school they’d established in town for the kids. Matthew continued his shifts on the watch, and we’d been getting along much better since our talk. The one person I hadn’t seen much of was Joel. He’d started to help out with construction and restoration projects around town, and I’d see him leaving for his shifts early in the morning. Around the same time I’d leave to set up for school. Every time I spotted him, I’d feel a pang in my chest. I wanted to talk to him, to talk about what I’d said that night, but he clearly didn’t want to hear it. He made that obvious by keeping his head down every time he left his house. I didn’t try to talk to him, didn’t trust myself not to make things worse. So instead, I acted like I didn’t care, like I was unphased by the way he’d shriveled up and evaporated from my life at the first sign of danger. I knew I’d scared him off. It was no secret, and the regret of not keeping my mouth shut was so crippling I’d barely left the house.          

 It was Saturday morning, and I was getting dressed to go to the community restoration of another abandoned house down the block. Matthew had told me it’d be a good way to get out of the house and “quit moping around.” I figured he was right, that I should meet some other folks in town if I was going to be here for a while. So, I pulled on the new pair of jeans Maria had traded for me, threw on a t-shirt I’d taken from Matthew’s stash, and headed out the door. 

          As I approached the crowd of people gathered around the house, anxiety twisted my stomach. It had been so long since I’d been a part of a community. For 20 years it had only been Matthew and I, just me, and then Joel and I. I stood awkwardly between two women who smiled welcomingly as I approached. We were being divided into groups and each given jobs. My group had been put in charge of knocking down and rebuilding the rotting walls inside the house. 

          I climbed up the steps along with my group and followed down the hall to meet our group leader. I had forgotten that Joel had been doing carpentry work, and my eyes widened at the sight of him standing there holding a sledge hammer and a couple of hard hats. Our eyes met, but he quickly broke the contact as he began to explain the directions. He walked along the line of people, passing out the hats. I was the last one in line. Butterflies fluttered around my rib cage when his hand brushed mine as he placed the hard hat into it. He paused his speech briefly, but continued on. “This house has a lot of rot and hasn’t been touched in years, so no matter what you do, do not remove your head protection.” He said before glancing at me. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. 

            We began with pulling down the walls that he’d made holes in with his sledge hammer. The gloves were far too big for my hands and kept slipping off when they got caught in the plaster. “How’s it goin’?” Joel’s voice rumbled from behind me. I spun around, ending up inches from him. “Me? Oh-I don’t have much experience ripping down walls, but fine I guess.” I sputtered. He nodded and continued to check on the other members of the group. I began to sweat from the repetitive movements of pulling and throwing the plaster, and from having the cloth over my face to protect from the dust. Without thinking, I took my hard hat off to wipe my forehead and pull my hair back. I heard Joel call out my name panickedly, but didn’t have time to react before a sickening crack rang out and I was knocked to the ground by a loose beam in the ceiling. Dark spots crowded my vision and I blinked a few times to clear them, but soon after my vision turned to darkness. 

           I only caught fragments of what happened after I got hit. I heard someone yell, “Does anyone know this girl?” and another voice yell, “I do. Don’t touch her!” I felt the sensation of being picked up and carried to a vehicle. Heard the same voice calling my name, and saying “Come on, sweetheart, you’re gonna be okay. Hurry up will ya? She’s bleeding everywhere!” I felt gentle slaps on my cheek, and opened my eyes briefly to see Joel’s face hovering over me. He had my head cradled in his lap, a hand pressing against the back of my head where I’d been hit. “Hi,” I whispered. He ran his thumb over my cheek, and whispered back, “Hey.” I smiled lightly before the light plus the pressure in my head forced me to close my eyes, but he patted my cheek again, “No, no, don’t close your eyes. You gotta stay awake for me, okay? We’re almost there.” I mindlessly whispered back, “I’m awake.” I tried my best to keep my eyes open and focus on Joel’s face, but the movement of the truck and the light shining in through the window were all too much, and eventually I fell unconscious. 

I awoke in a dark room. There was a faint, continuous beeping sound coming from beside me. I tried to sit up but my head was pounding and my stomach filled with nausea. My attempt to see where I was was fruitless. Both from disorientation, and since the only illumination was the sliver of light coming in from the crack in the door. My name being uttered suddenly filled the heavy silence. I followed the sound to a figure who was propped up in a chair to my right. “Matthew?” I asked groggily. “It’s me.” I finally recognized the voice. The soothing, yet deep and gravelly tone. It was Joel. “Joel? Where’s Matthew?” I asked as I attempted to sit up again. His hand fell onto my shoulder and gently forced me back. “Don’t try to sit up.” He advised gently, “Matthew isn’t-” The door opened and a figure walked in. “Mr. Miller, may I speak with you outside?” The person asked in a polite and calm tone. I watched as Joel’s shadow moved across the room and to the door. The two stood there, seemingly deep in conversation. I strained to hear them, but my head began to hurt worse from the effort and my ears were ringing slightly.  

Eventually, Joel nodded and made his way back to my side. “You remember what happened?” He asked as he sat back down into the chair. “I hit my head.” I answered. “That’s cute. You got your head hit by a support beam.” He spat back. “Sir.” the person who I could only assume was a nurse cleared her throat. Joel leaned back in his chair and let the woman approach. I kept my eyes on her as best as I could as I listened to her speak. She explained, in a much more comforting tone, “Miss, you have suffered blunt force trauma to the back of your head which caused a laceration and a small skull fracture. You likely have a moderate concussion and will have to lay low for the next few weeks to heal.” I huffed in disbelief. “A fractured skull? Does Matthew know?” I questioned panickedly. Joel began to speak, but the nurse cut him off, “Your brother has been notified. We suggest you rest as much as possible for the time being. Once we are happy with your vitals and change your wound dressing, we can discharge you.” She explained. I nodded slightly while twisting the fabric of the thin bed sheet between my fingers.

The nurse exited, leaving Joel and I to sit in silence. “So why are you here?” I asked dryly. “Because you were under my supervision.” He answered, mimicking my tone. I could tell he was annoyed with me. “Right. Go ahead, lecture me about following directions. I know I deserve it.” I said defeatedly. “I’m not allowed.” He sighed. “Oh so that’s what the nurse was lecturing you about.” I chuckled in realization, “So does that mean you have to be nice to me?” He answered, “Just long enough for you to heal.” I rolled my eyes, ignoring the dull ache behind them. 

We let another bout of silence pass before I spoke again, “So, am I ever going to get an answer about where my brother is?” Joel shifted in his chair and cleared his throat. A nervous tick. “He left for a mission with the watch. A supply trade with another community. He’ll be back in a few days.” He said quietly. “A few days? When the fuck was he going to tell me?” I asked angrily. “Shhh. Calm down. I promised the nurse I wouldn’t tell you, but you deserve to know. He wanted to tell you but he didn’t have much notice. You’re staying with me until you can function on your own.” I laid back in the bed, and tried to still my breathing. Becoming upset only made the nausea and the pressure in my head worse. “I don’t need to stay with you. I’ll be fine on my own.” I insisted. “You won’t be. Your head is cracked open. So, you don’t have much of a choice. It’s me or some randos. I figured you’d rather not be with complete strangers.” He said sternly. I thought for a moment. He was right, I didn’t have a choice. I knew brain injuries weren’t anything to fuck around with, so I needed to brush my ego aside and accept his help despite how confusing his sudden relapse in caring about me was. 

The nurses took my vitals and changed my wound dressing before handing me a bottle of pills and sending Joel and I on our way. I shielded my eyes from the blinding sun as I trailed behind Joel on the street, and he eventually slowed down for me out of pity. He held the door of his house open for me, and began to pour me a glass of water as I settled on his couch. 

            A few minutes passed and the thud of a plate hitting the coffee table next to me snapped me out of the fog I’d been in. I glanced to see what kind of offering it was this time. A sandwich that looked to have more than just meat and cheese. My stomach rumbled at the sight, and I looked up at Joel. “Thank you.” I said quietly as I reached for the plate. He nodded and sat down to eat himself. “The nurse gave me some medicine. Said you needed to eat beforehand. How’re you feelin’?” He asked. I finished chewing the delicacy and swallowed before answering, “Head is aching that’s for sure. The stitches are more annoying than anything.” My hand moved to the back of my head to feel the scratchy bandage. I shuddered to think about what was underneath it. He nodded and turned his attention back to his food. “Speaking of, you’ve got to change your dressing before you go to sleep tonight.” 

          My stomach twisted at the thought of the wound being touched. “Oh. Okay.” I muttered. “I can help ya if you want? It’d be hard to see.” He questioned. I didn’t want Joel to see the sweaty, shaky wreck I would become at the slightest amount of pain. I could handle cramps, broken ribs, possible broken nose, but anything to do with the skull and stitches skeeved me out more than anything. Anxiety started to build in my chest, and I could feel the anger defense mechanism gearing up. “Um… I appreciate all of the help, but I got this.” He nodded. We both finished our sandwiches and then I’d insisted he stay downstairs while I took the bandages and other supplies into the upstairs bathroom. 

           I stood in front of the mirror. Staring at the hair being pushed up from the bandage wrapped around my head. The dark circles pulling my eyes down. My chapped, dehydrated lips. I felt embarrassed that Joel was seeing me like this. I knew I shouldn’t care what he thinks. That he’s seen me in other bad states. But I couldn’t stifle the fact that I wanted him to think I was pretty. 

          I winced as I unraveled the bandage and pulled it off of my head. I laid the bloodsoaked fabric onto the counter and began to pull off the gauze. The sting of the wound being tampered with caused me to let out a small panicked shriek, and I let my hands fall to the edges of the sink. The gauze wasn’t even half-way off, and I brought my hand up to my mouth to stifle the whimpers as I worked through pulling it off the rest of the way. I grabbed the bottle of hydrogen peroxide from the infirmary and poured it onto an extra piece of gauze. After taking a deep breath in, I pressed it to the wound. The searing sensation hit me like a truck, and a loud “fuck” left my throat. 

          “You okay?” Joel called. I heard  him coming up the stairs and opened the bathroom door to reveal my teary eyed self. “No I’m not fucking okay.” I spat, “I can’t do one thing without injuring myself in some way. I don’t even know how I made it this far being this fucking dumb-“ my hysterical rant was halted at the feeling of his hand on my shoulder. “Hey, hey, wait a second. It’s okay.” He said gently as he took the cotton pad out of my hand, “Just let me help you.” His eyebrows knitted in pity as he gently spun me back towards the mirror. I caught my breath and watched him assess the wound on the back of my head. “You’re always helping me.” I mumbled, “Just wanted to do somethin’ for myself for once. You’re always helping me or saving me. Jesus. You only agreed to get me somewhere and now look at you.” I was mainly speaking to distract myself from the pain of the gauze being pressed gently against my head, but Joel was listening. “I agreed to get you somewhere safely.” He corrected me. “And you did. And we were supposed to go our separate ways. The plan wasn’t for you to turn into my personal nurse. God, you even almost got away from me but my stupid brother made me go to that community restoration and there I was again, just taking off my hard hat to wipe the sweat away and then pulling you back into my bullshit.” His face twisted in confusion, “What do you mean ‘almost got away?’” 

          I bit my lip, realizing that in distracting myself I’d also brought up the elephant in the room. “Y-you didn’t talk to me for weeks after that night after the bar. I thought I’d scared you off.” I said sheepishly. “Oh.” He said, his voice deepened. “Did I?” I asked as I made eye-contact with him through the mirror. He didn’t answer for a few moments as he focused on dressing the gash in my head. “It wasn’t you.” He finally spoke, “I scared myself.” I turned around and met his eyes. Our faces and bodies once again inches from each other. “How?” I asked. I watched his eyes as I questioned him. They were always telling the truth before he was, but this time he spoke before they could. “It got me thinkin’… about things I shouldn’t have been.” He said quietly. The rasp of his voice when he spoke in a low tone had me in a chokehold. “Like what?” I practically purred, unable to stop my eyes from flitting between his eyes and his lips. He cleared his throat, “Just things. Turn around, gotta bandage that back up.” His sudden pivot back to reality felt like a punch to the gut. How many more times was he going to avoid this conversation? I didn’t move, my eyes still boring into him like talons. I felt his hands grip my waist and he gently pushed my body to turn forwards. “I can never get anything out of you, Joel. Can you just this once explain yourself so I don’t have to keep guessing?” I pushed. “You know what? You want to know what I was thinking? I was thinking about how I could never be in a relationship again because the fear of losing yo- that person… makes me sick. I almost lost my life over my daughter, and I’d be a fool to think that I could ever make it through something like that again.” I stared at him through the mirror, unable to find the correct words to throw back at him. 

             My heart beat against my ribcage and all I could think about was the fact that he’d almost said “you” as in me. As in he’s scared of losing me. The man who had me convinced he hated me for the first few weeks of our journey. “Joel,” I stammered, “I never insinuated that we-“ He spoke over me, “But I did. I saw the full vision and the fact that I liked it made me almost throw up in the street.” By now he’d finished wrapping my head, and I turned around to face him again. “I felt the same way, Joel. Felt sick to my stomach. But it wasn’t about me ‘seeing the vision,’ it was the fear that I’d lost you. Officially scared you away.” I said quietly. “I don’t know if you could ever do that.” He ground out, his hand was subconsciously placed onto the base of my neck and the look of his glossy eyes were so soft it felt like they were holding me. “I’ve tried to dislike you- to push you away, trust me…” I chimed in, “Me too.” He continued, “but you make that a very hard thing to do.” The earnest look in his eyes and the softening of his voice brought a feverish red to my cheeks. The fluttering I felt in my chest was dizzying. I found myself leaning backwards onto the sink. I was waiting for him to break this moment up. To take a step back and say something dismissive or to just plain run away. But he didn’t. His strong hands held me steadily in front of him, and his eyes embraced my disheveled form. “Why don’t we stop doing that to each other then?” I asked softly. “I can try.” He answered, the side of his face turned up into a miniscule smile. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's note:

I'm so glad everyone is liking this series and sticking around despite it being the SLOWEST BURN EVER :') I can't thank y'all enough!!! A few housekeeping things: From now on, I will be posting a new chapter every Monday + comment to let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist <3

Taglist:

@demonsasss @ayamenimthiriel @ashleyfilm

[miss-tc-nova]

Forgetting Familiar - Riku x Reader

Okay, I think this is as good as it's going to get. Sorry. But I can't do much more without like doubling the words and at that point, I've lost the plot, lol. Still, thank you for bringing me back some angsty Riku.

Premise: Riku is struggling with being alone

Words: 2,016

~~~~~

               Pain throbs in my skull, shattering respite in the darkness. For a while, I try ignore it and delve deeper into the realm of sleep, but it’s just too much and now I must suffer the world of the waking.

               The grey ceiling seems unassuming, but even it burns my eyes. Rubbing at my face doesn’t soothe a thing. Still, I manage to sit up and take a look. Pots and shelves line the walls, filled with all sorts of objects and knickknacks. Behind the bed is a single window, letting in the abhorrently-blinding light and across the way is a plain, wooden door.

               I don’t know this room.

               Legs wobble trying to support me, even landing me back on the bed once. Voices from behind the door encourage me to stand. My head screams for me to stop, to let the floor take me and stop struggling. But I stagger on.

               Pulling the door open, I find a large group of people on the other side. Whatever chatter ensuing now falls silent, all eyes on me. All of them look surprised, but not as much as the young man with silver hair and the most-striking teal eyes.

               Again, my crippled legs take me down, drawing gasps from the crowd. Hasty steps bring the silver-haired man skidding on his knees before me. Warm, firm hands on my shoulders hold me steady.

               “Are you okay?! Do you feel sick?! Are you dizzy?!”

               His words rush by so fast they slip through my brain’s grasp. So my mouth lets run the truth.

               “My head hurts.”

               “Well you were thrown through a stone wall,” the tall red-head remarks.

               “Xemnas wasn’t holding back even a little,” says the girl with ebony hair.

               The man in front of me pushes the hair from my face, being so careful in spite of his anxiety.

               “I was so worried. I thought you were gone.”

               The sound kind of just falls out of my mouth.

               Eyes wide, horror dawning on his expression, he asks, “What?”

               It takes a moment for my thoughts to sort themselves out and I repeat myself.

               “Who are you?”

~~~~~

               I can still hear his screaming in my ears. He begged in vain before turning to cursing how nothing was fair. However, what he cried for I’m still not entirely sure. All memory has been erased from my mind—I’m lucky to even recognize my own name. The context by which everyone else works is the only basis I’ve been able to work on during these last few months.

               From what I’ve gathered, I was an ally to those I met upon waking up and my amnesia is but one of the unfortunate results of the worlds-deciding battle hard won. Another was the loss of a very important team member and the self-induced coma of another. Both of these individuals were the best friends of Riku.

               That pain of losing loved ones that Riku is suffering is one I can only imagine, made worse by the fact that he has none to share it with. That battle took away everything from him and that’s worthy of my pity.

               Still, that’s no excuse for dragging me into his breakdown. Terra and Ven had to physically pry his hands off me while Aqua and the three fairies ushered me back into the other room. His fingers digging into my skin and the utter fear in his eyes are burned into my senses. He wanted so desperately for me to remember, but it was useless. Perhaps I held the secret to his friends’ returns. If I did, I don’t remember it and I may never remember it again.

               For now, I’ve been left in the care of Master Yen Sid as both his assistant and patient. Dozens of attempts have been made to restore my memory with no success. Meanwhile, we’ve simultaneously scoured tome upon tome for the whereabouts of the lost keyblade wielder. It hasn’t been miserable—I’m sure I’ve learned more about this existence that I knew before—but I can’t help feeling like something’s not right.

               Another stack of books obscures my sight as I climb the spiral stairs. Knuckles rap against the wooden door as I let myself into the Master’s office.

               “Sir, I’ve brought your latest request of—whoa!”

               “Careful!”

               The tower in my arms begins to topple. However, before I lose all control of the stack, someone on the other side rights the balance.

               “Phew. Thank you…”

               The sentiment dies on my tongue at the sight of the man who saved me. His eyes quickly divert, ensuring I’m stable enough to be released.

               “No problem…”

               Shaking the awkwardness, I approach the Master’s desk. “Your books, sir.”

               His ever-intense gaze skims the spines before him. “I’m afraid there are other books that I’m in need of.”

               I gesture to the walls of texts in which he’s barricaded himself. “We’re running out of space to store any more books.”

               The wizened wizard eyes his leftovers. “True. Perhaps it’s time to return some of these to their rightful homes and make room for new knowledge.”

               I sigh.

               “You can go with Riku.”

               Neither of us seemed to expect that. “What?!”

               “If you need books returned, I can do that for you with—” Riku’s glance convinces me that he’s choosing to reword his statement. “—er, without taking up your assistant’s valuable time.”

               “No. I’m in need of more research.” Master’s eyes turn back on me. “You know what sort of material I’m looking for as well as which books I’ve already combed through. And I trust you to acquire any others that may be of interest. So I would like you to accompany Riku to Radiant Gardens and peruse the library of Ansem the Wise.”

               Shoulders drop, gaze falling to the floor. “Yes sir.”

               “Riku, thank you for the update on the situation. I presume my infringement on your next destination isn’t too much to ask.”

               “No sir.” His head dips and, with the utmost formality, he faces me to gesture towards the door. “Whenever you’re ready.”

               Defeated, I point to the pile beside the door. “These ones are ready to be returned to Radiant Gardens.”

               Riku grabs a handful and takes the lead, giving me one last chance to throw a pleading glance to Master Yen Sid, who’s already delving into his next book. With my fate sealed, I join Riku in loading up the gummiship. The work and flight go quiet, awkward, filled with tension that I’m not entirely sure the origin of.

               Greeted by the guards at Radiant Gardens, we’re left to our own devices. Riku sees that I know my way to the library before I send him off on his own errands, happy to be rid of the stress.

               It’s not that I dislike Riku; I just don’t understand him. All I know is the fragility of his current state, not what drives him or who he really is. So I consider it best not to be involved, lest I potentially make his problems worse. It’s not as if he’s made any effort to change my present views of him either. His visits to the tower are brief, sparing me only painful glances before rushing off again. Even worse, he makes it feel like everything is wrong. If I had to guess, we weren’t all that close.

               My finger skims another spine, plucking the book to peruse its contents.

               “Find any more books for Master Yen Sid?”

               I glance back. I didn’t think he could get any more melancholic. That stony somberness has turned to utter dejection. He looks like he could collapse at any moment from the weight of his own depression.

               “Uh, yeah.” I look to the handful I’ve collected on the nearby table. “I found a few, but I doubt that Lord Ansem will have much more that the Master hasn’t already seen. I’ll have to consult with him about finding other worlds to source his books from.”

               “I see…”

               That tension has returned, it’s palpability growing in the silence. It makes concentration difficult as I try to assess the book in hand.

               Then Riku speaks again.

               “I’m sorry…about before.”

               Titling my head, I peek at the young man. He keeps is gaze aimed at the wall, a cocktail of negative emotion eeking out from him. My heart quivers yet my voice remains even.

               “It’s fine. I imagine that emotions run high fresh after war.”

               His hesitation tells me he thinks twice on his response. “Yeah…”

               Normally, I’d rather bask in the silence, but at the moment it’s suffocating. Something urges me to sympathize with the warrior.

               “How’s your friend? Find any leads?”

               I shouldn’t have asked.

               “No. Nothing’s changed.” A distracting hand runs over the pile of books.

               “Everyone’s working hard. I’m sure they’ll find a way to bring them back soon,” I say, attempting to backtrack.

               Though his eyes stare at the cover of the top book, I’m certain they see nothing. This trip has only pushed him closer to the edge of breaking. The Master should’ve never pushed me on him, exposing this vulnerability when I’m sure he’d rather hide away.

               “You still don’t remember anything, do you.” The pathetic hope in his voice pricks at my conscience.

               Meaning to be more apologetic than anything, I respond, “Sorry. I can’t help you.”

               “I…”

               What semblance of composure this man has been clinging to finally slips his grasp, revealing the full brunt of his agony.

               “I don’t need your help.”

               Without another word, Riku starts for the door he never reaches. Stumbling feet send his shoulder into the wall where he just slumps to the floor. The shudder that ripples through his body steals my breath away.

               “Riku?”

               Fingers dig into his arms. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I don’t even know if any of this can be fixed but if I stop trying I might as well be worthless. But I’m tired and scared and weak.” The crack that rises in his voice nearly brings me to tears. “And I’m just so sick of being alone.”

               With a mind of their own, my feet close the gap. By his shoulder, I pull Riku back to face me, dropping to my knees before him. What follows I haven’t the slightest idea of where it came from.

               “Hey. Look. Look at me.” Gentle coaxing guides those teary eyes to me, tugging at my heartstrings.

               Whatever compels me to drop my mouth to his unlocks a burning desire within. Hands slip beneath his, giving his frantic fingers something else to hold. Salt-laced lips conform helplessly to my whim, allowing me to drag his mentality back towards stable ground. With this control, I pray to convey reassurance. In his chaotic, crumbling life, I hope in this moment to be the rock to which he can ground himself.

               Softly, the kiss breaks, gentle breaths ghosting between us. He still seems broken and weary, but not utterly hopeless anymore. Though I’m afraid he’s hoping for the impossible from me, I brush the hair from his face.

               I speak only loud enough for our own little seclusion.

               “You are not alone. I may not be them, but I’m here. And I’ll take every step with you, even if I have to drag you.” These words don’t feel like my own, but somehow I know this is right. “So be strong or be weak—be whatever you need to get through this—but don’t ever doubt that I’m with you. Okay?”

               Contemplation keeps him quiet but he does manage to nod.

               “Don’t you ever forget that.” A thumb brushes away another tear.

               Cautious hands slip behind my back, pulling me closer for Riku to hide his face against my shoulder. Taking his lead, I return the gesture, holding tight. His heartache slowly melts, relief rolling off him.

               I can’t explain this contentment seeping into my bones, but I think I needed this just as much as he did. Because for the first time since I woke up, I’ve finally found something familiar.

~~~~~

Nova’s Kingdom Hearts Masterlist

[hauntingcryptids]

Soft Spot In The Hearts Of A Murderer

Simm!Master x Reader

Summary - The reader has a panic attack after hearing people being killed day after day on The Valiant, and The Master comforts them.

Based On This Request - Anonymous requested - “Hi! May I ask for a soft fic with The Master where they hypnotise The Reader?”

Warnings -The Year That Never Was, The Reader has a panic attack/anxiety attack, hypnotism, hypnotism without consent, canon typical violence

Word Count - 1095

A/n - Gender Neutral Reader. Requested by this lovely anon. I will link the other fics inspired by this request HERE, if you would like to read them. I hope that you enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------

For some reason, The Master allowed you to roam the halls of The Valient unaccompanied, maybe with the supervision of a guard or two, but usually, you could just go your merry way around the ship. However, you rarely ever did this. You never wanted to see what was occurring on the Earth down below, you didn’t want to see the Toclafane unleash a flurry of lasers onto Humanity, and you didn’t want to see what The Master had done to any of your friends. 

You were a coward. Or, at least, you thought that. Martha was Gods-know-where, her family were being used, and everyone aboard was being tortured and degraded, except for you. And you couldn’t do anything to stop The Master because you were so crippled with fear.

The past couple of days you have been staying in your room all instead of roaming The Valiant on occasion. You assumed that no one would notice your absence. Unbeknownst to you, though, The Master was causing hell to everyone around him whenever he didn’t see you. He constantly tried to escape the day’s plans, but apparently destroying the planet Earth and scouring it for a “fugitive” was difficult and time-consuming work. But eventually, the day was mostly over, and The Master was free to spend some time with you, just in time for dinner.

The Master made his way past random Valiant guards and security toward your room. He thought about what he would order for dinner in order to impress you, which he desperately wanted to do. He had absolutely no idea about how you were feeling or why you were absent today. But if he had been aware, he would’ve spent the entire day trying to cheer you up and make you feel special.

A gentle knock on your door startled you away from your anxious mind. You thought that you might just ignore it, as it was probably just a guard. But then there was another set of knocking, and you noticed the rhythm. Was it like that before? You couldn’t tell. And again: knock knock knock knock. You rushed to the door, worried that you had waited too long and now The Master would be upset with you. You had never seen him upset with you, but he always seemed upset when he was with someone else. He would probably be upset with you at some point, so why not now. 

You opened the door tentatively.

“Ah! Y/n, it’s lovely to finally see you.” The Master smiled at you, but his eyes looked clouded with latent rage. You cursed yourself. You should have gone out of your room today to see him. 

“I missed you today.” The Master up again when you didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologise. We all have reclusive days. I just hope that I haven’t done anything wrong to worsen your mood.” The Master entered your room without asking you and instantly began looking around. He actually wasn’t trying to be intrusive, he just wanted to get to know you better. And maybe if he knew you better, then he would know the best way to get you to love him.

“No, no of course you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Y/n.” The Master suddenly stopped looking through the bookshelf he had gifted you, trying to see which books you have read, and he turned to face you.

“I don’t know what -”

“I know that my presence here hasn’t been the most comforting. I have destroyed your planet and terrorized your people and I have, frankly, been a right menace aboard The Valiant, especially when there are some political manoeuvres that I have to plan. All I am saying is that I would completely understand why you would hate me, Y/n.” It almost looked as if The Master’s eyes softened as he spoke, but you assumed that it was a trick of the light.

You didn’t know how to respond. You wanted to say something brave, something calling out The Master’s horrible behaviour, but nothing formed because your anxiety seemed to be controlling everything at the moment. You were too scared that this was all a trap and that The Master would kill you after you revealed your true feelings. But then a rolling thunder sounded around The Valiant.

“What was that?”

“Oh, just the evening patrol.” The Master nonchalantly responded. 

You felt your chest tighten. You immediately thought of Martha. What if this was the moment she was caught and killed? You could have done so much during your time aboard this ship, yet you did nothing. 

The Master was saying something, but you couldn’t hear him over the thumping of your heartbeat in your ears. Your breath began to quicken and heave. You suddenly felt incredibly dizzy, and the room looked like it was spinning. You tried to move to a nearby chair, but you missed the seat and stumbled onto the ground. You heard The Master calling your name, but you were unable to respond; you were far too focused on the anxiety attack you were having and the horrible thoughts circling around your mind.

“Hey. No. Don’t do that. Everything is going to be fine, sweetheart.” You shook your head ‘no’. Things did not feel fine. The Master joined you on the floor and stroked your arms and face soothingly. He hated seeing you like this. Is this how you acted when he wasn’t around? Did he cause you to be in this much pain? The Master never wanted you to hide anything from him, even your bad thoughts. The Master just wanted to comfort you and know the real you.

“Look into my eyes. Everything will be calmer in a moment.” The Master held your face softly in his hands and brushed his thumbs across your temples. You met the commanding alien's gaze tentatively. His eyes were beautiful; they were a warm brown with green specks and waves rolling through his irises. You never noticed that before.

A calm rushed over you. You were no longer plagued by the thoughts of Martha dying or that you were not being brave enough or that you were not being a good companion to The Doctor. You were so calm and relaxed in fact that you felt your body grow limper. You fell into The Master’s chest. He brought two of his fingers to your chin and gently moved your face to look at him.

“Now, tell your Master what’s wrong, sweetheart.”

[sunwarmed-ash]

Sinful Sunday Post

Hey wanna know something cool about following me?

when my muse is good and my brain is happy I get so excited I just want to post all the things!

Separation Anxiety Chapter 7 is dropping TONIGHT!

you can read the winning preview here

but also the poll was SO CLOSE I decided to drop a lil more of the DPD Xmas party 😘 so enjoy the smut fic under the cut!

Have a great day babes, and I'll see you TONIGHT for the Parksborn Smut 👀😘

part 1

Gavin’s uncomfortably face to metal with the cold surface of the interrogation table, stripped of all his clothes, and cuffed, His bare ass is perfectly exposed for not only Nines to punish, but Hank and Connor to openly ogle across the room. It makes his cock ache and his body itch in anticipation for whatever Nines is going to do next. 

His cock is still painfully hard, but thankfully, hanging loose off the table and not squashed between his body and the table. Likely on purpose, since Gavin’s been known to attempt to rub himself off on any surface at any given time…

The first strike of Nines’ hand comes down hard across both ass cheeks.

“Phck Nines, don’t cripple me,” Gavin groans. It hurts, but his cock still pumps out a steady stream of precum past his piercing.  

“Act like a slut get treated like one.” Nines grins. 

“Yes Sir,” Gavin pants, melting a little deeper against the table. He couldn't help it. He’s so exposed like this, open and vulnerable for them to touch, torture, play with, and it’s driving Gavin insane with desire. 

In all actuality, he doesn't mind being treated like this. It's kinda the problem. Well it's not a problem in his eyes. It’s just his dumb body that can’t keep up as well as he used to. 

The second hit is hard, but not as bruising as the first and it's perfect. Gavin groans and relaxes further against the table, risking a question. “Does that mean you’re all gonna use me?”

Nines rolls his eyes, Gavin sees it in the two way mirror.

"You don't deserve it, but yes." 

Gavin whines as his brain whites out in anticipation of actually being fucked by all three of them.

"Open your mouth," Nines demands and Gavin does, naturally sucking two of the robot's fingers into his mouth to coat them generously with saliva. 

"He's got you trained real good Reed," Hank teases, but it's obvious by the breathy retort he’s worked up by the action too. His monster cock is already out of his pants and he’s pumping it while he watches Nines take him apart. Connor’s doing the same with his own cock. More precum slides past his tip onto the floor. 

Gavin licks around a third finger  and sucks hard, but not before locking eyes with Hank. Challenging him. Because yes, Nines does have him trained. It has the desired effect. Hank curses pleasurably but doesn't break eye contact. The hand on Hank’s dick speeds up. 

"Enough," Nines orders, pulling his fingers back. 

Before Gavin can even catch his breath, Nines is finally breaching his ass with one, then two slick fingers in quick succession.

“Oh phck,” Gavin pants. 

Nines twists his fingers to find Gavin’s prostate, rubbing and teasing him just the way he loves before cruelly, pulling away altogether. 

“No no don't go,” Gavin begs pathetically as his cock pulses out more precum. 

"Connor," Nines says, ordering the other android over with only the use of his name. 

Connor stands from his place next to Hank, and resituates himself behind Gavin. 

"What do you think?” Nines asks, before pushing three slicked fingers inside Gavin. 

Gavin’s resulting, choking whine is pathetic. His skin burns with humiliation knowing Connor is recording every moment of him like this for later. 

“He needs to be looser if he’s going to take Hank,” Connor confirms.

“Phck,” he pants. He was hoping for some of this delicious torture to end, but neither of them pay him any attention. Instead, Nines pulls out his fingers and orders Connor to,  

“Lick him open. Don’t make him cum.”

Before Gavin can think of a retort there's a wide, slick tongue flush against his asshole. The moan that spills out of his mouth is wet and pitifully desperate. 

“Yeah, wait till you feel him on your dick,” Hank chuckles. 

Anything else Gavin is going to say dies on his tongue because Connor starts up a steady pace licking into his body. It's the first time all night Gavin’s had nothing to say. Too blissed out on the raw, filthy pleasure of Connor’s tongue inside him, and the sloppy-slick sounds he’s making as he loosens him up. 

Connor’s hand slides up Gavin’s thigh and rests below where his mouth is working, slender fingers already teasing their intent to slip inside too.

“Phck, phck, please,” Gavin whimpers, because he needs more. He always needs more. He's a greedy little slut after all. And Connor’s fingers are so so close. Just a little bit more…

“Stop,” Nines orders and Connor does, much to Gavin’s instant, vocal disappointment. 

But then someone's fingers, he can’t tell whose, are pulling his ass open and Connor spits into his wide open hole. 

Gavin’s core burns hot as the robotic pair inevitably scratch one of his biggest kinks and with a shameful, choking sob, Gavin is cumming all over the floor. 

“Oh my fucking god,” Hank groans and Gavin can hear his slick pumps speed up. It sends another jolt of pleasure through his body to know Anderson’s getting off to this too. 

Nines’ immediate growl tells Gavin he's in trouble, but he really couldn't help it. This particular situation was already right out of one of his deepest fantasies and now he can feel Connor’s spit dripping down the back of his balls. There's a hand in his hair the next moment and he's being yanked up until he's flush against Nines. 

“Did I say you could cum, slut?” 

“I'm sorry Sir,” Gavin pants. He is. He tried to hold it back, but without a cage or a hand, he’s defenseless to the sadistic torture of the RK twins. “I-I swear I didn't mean to,” he pleads, “please…”

Nines hand grips the tip of his cock hard, squeezing the oversensitive head until Gavin squeals. 

“Nines, baby, please,” Gavin begs, “I’m sorry, let me make it up to you. Please.”

“How?”

“Anyway you want,” he begs, “Swear baby.”

Nines grins, small and sly and Gavin knows he's in for it. 

Nines helps him get situated comfortably back on the table, but Gavin doesn’t let the false sense of security fool him. Predictably, in that next moment, Nines pushes in dryer than Gavin’s body needs to take all of him comfortably. It's punishment, for cumming without permission, or maybe for accidently feeling up Connor. Either way, Gavin’s ass is in for it and if he hadn’t just cum, he would’ve as soon as Nines bottomed out.

Nines hips start up a fast and steady pace, yanking Gavin right out of his head and back down into his body which is currently singing with pleasure as the burning stretch engulfs his every nerve ending. As soon as Gavin cries out his plea, Nines pumps his ass so full of synethic cum the next round of thrusts are squelching, echoing loudly in the room.

“Phccck,” Gavin melts, relaxing completely under the sweet torture of his partner. “Don’t stop, don’tstop, please.” 

“It’s not me that’s going to need to tap out,” Nines chuckles and Gavin knows he’s right. Gavin will need to stop well before Nines ever would.

“Holy fuck,” Hank pants, because Nines dominating Gavin is a full sensory experience. Every slap of Nines’ hips against Gavin's ass is audible, slick, and sloppy. Gavin hasn’t been able to stop begging since they started and it's only increased since he’s finally getting what he wants.  

[casualsavant]

20 Questions More

This is a deeper and more detailed version of the 20 questions for AO3 fanfic writers. Thanks to @TetsujinOtaku88 for the tag. I'm doing this #Supercorp style.

1) How do you keep getting ideas for your ship / fandom?

I think the Supercorp Fandom is pretty self-perpetuating because the canon needs to be fixed and there's lots of AUs to put them in. Plus there are so many talented people whose art, video edits, and fanfic fuel each other.

2) Which authors inspire you in your fandom, and why are they so freakishly good?

Following the answer above I think the beauty of Supercorp is that it attracts really talented creators. I love reading @searidings, @jazzfordshire's fix-its and canon-adjacent stuff, @lgbtimelords, @coffeeshib, @mycatismyeditor, and @snowydragonscave just to name a few. They have such a deftness of language and an understanding of the characters that it's hard to stop reading!

3) Aside from the characters of your main ship, who are the characters you love to write?

I really love Sam Arias, Jess, and Alex. I wish I could get a better handle on Kelly because DANSEN forever. I also have a soft spot for Eliza and a deliciously evil liking for Lillian.

4) Are there pairings or tropes you know for sure you'd never write about? Which ones?

Karamel, Lames, Top Lena, Bottom Kara. To each their own. It's just not my thing.

5) What is your writing process and why is it cursed?

Carry around a little notebook to scribble ideas, lines, sometimes whole scenes. Figure out a rough outline / structure / plot. Do unnecessary amounts of research. Open doc file. Plunge into dismay and self-doubt. Watch the show. Get frustrated. Open the doc file. Be filled with despair and self-loathing. Get a blast of inspiration and productivity. Cycle through mental instability, writer's block, and actual writing. Get dragged by Kara and Lena to unanticipated places that derails what I intended to do. Sighing and doing what the muses want. The elation of completion. Struggling with summaries and tags. Posting. Crippling anxiety and running away from AO3. Lather, rinse, repeat.

6) What is your favorite part of your writing process?

The elation of completion. The unnecessary research is fun too.

7) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve had to research for a fic?

Cherry tree mutations and the structure of yakuza organizations in modern Japan.

8) Is there a particular writing rule you struggle with (grammar, spelling, tense, reality in general)?

Different tenses in the same document. Also it's and its.

9) What was your hardest scene to write so far and why?

Describing Kara's post-PZ night terrors and Lena’s fever dreams in Deliverance. Also the action sequence at the end of that story was so difficult.

10) Have your characters ever done something you didn’t expect, changing your plot completely?

ALL THE TIME.

11) If you could converse with any of the characters, who would it be and why?

Both of them. After I come to my senses and out of a dead faint because I was meeting them at all. And then I would die of sapphication.

12) What are some of the tropes or themes that you find yourself returning to in your writing?

Oh my usual tags are: light angst, tooth-rotting fluff, friends-to-lovers, Lena needs a hug, Kara gets a hug.

13) What's your most important resource as a writer?

Talking with other writers!

14) Can you share some of your strategies for editing and revising your work?

I usually give it some time before I edit so I can have relatively fresh eyes. Spell checking, punctuation, and grammar suggestions help you catch things but NOTHING beats reading it over yourself.

15) Which is worse: making the summary, picking the tags, or the anxiety when you post your fic?

Definitely the anxiety!!!

16) How do you define sucess for your fanfic - hits? Kudos? Comments? Bookmarks? Or just if you like it?

I think it's good to track kudos and I love getting comments. But ultimately I wrote for my enjoyment or for my peace of mind because the idea would not let me go.

17) Do you have a playlist for your favorite character / ship?

Nope but that's not a bad idea. 🤔

18) If fan art was going to be made from your work, which fic would you pick and which fan artist would you like to create it?

Wow I'd be thrilled if any of them got art. I am partial to the way @rustingcat draws Sakura blossoms though so maybe Cat for No Wrong Seasons.

19) How many WIPs do you currently have?

8 total. Finishing "the Arcana", "The Sound of Veracity" (Part 2), Prequel and Smutilogue of "Always With Me, Always With You", Supercorptober 2023 "Art" prompt, SG Mayhem fic, the Telepathy/Empathy fic, the Body Swap fic.

20) What's your advice to new fanfic writers?

I posted my first Supercorp story in March 2023 feeling it would be completely lost in this large fandom and having no hope for it. I felt that I was too late. That everything had been done (and done better). I did find readers who liked and some who really loved my work. But mostly I learned to write for myself, which has truly been a gift. Write for yourself. Write what you'd want to see. You'll get better at it over time.

Tagging but no pressure: @fyonahmacnally @nottawriter @chaotic-super @luthordamnvers @fazedlight

[jen-with-a-pen]

If You Go, I Go

summary: It's Bucky's last night before deployment. The evening does not go the way Steve, nor Bucky, thought it would.

pairings: complicated and closeted stucky

warnings: angst, loneliness, feeling the need to sacrifice yourself for preserum!steve, pining, closeted stucky, bisexual stucky, sad steve, messing with canon and adding some of comic canon in whoops

word count: 3.1k

a/n: literally this entire thing was written directly after seeing the gif above. My brain kicked into angsty overdrive and this was born. enjoy my first fic of the new year!

Please consider reblogging my work! Reblogging helps others to be able to enjoy mine and other writers' works! Help me help you help others and reblog <3

read here on AO3! | My Masterlist

gif by @daniel-bruehl | dividers by @firefly-graphics | beta read by the lovely Jane @lunarbuck

The Expo was loud. Louder than what Steve was used to.

Everything was more than what he was used to. So much going on in so many different directions– lights, sounds, voices, smells. Overstimulated was an understatement.

He wanted to be anywhere but there, standing in front of the open-air Science Expo. His  clammy hands were stuffed into his wool pockets while he tried not to heave, fending off yet another anxiety attack. He only wanted Bucky. 

But, for the pièce de résistance, Bucky invited Bonnie and Connie to join them, two doe-eyed gals in pretty skirts and zero interest in anything else. How Steve saw them, though, were two strangers hanging off of Bucky’s arms, vying for a kiss from the Sergeant. 

The thought of it made Steve’s stomach churn like the butter his Ma used to make.

He had to admit, though, the girls weren’t complete strangers. Steve knew them from grade school. They lived around the street corner from the doctor’s office he unwillingly frequented. They’d say hi to him and were nice and polite, but that was it. They were only nice and polite. They, and all the other pretty girls Steve’s age, made it abundantly clear: no self-respecting girl wanted to court the cripple. Hell, for all he knew, if it wasn't for the constant reassurances from his Ma, Bucky could have been getting paid to be his friend– too fed up that even war sounded like a better reprieve than being around Steve.

It wasn’t that Steve didn’t want the girls there. Nor was it that he secretly wished it was only him and Bucky. In fact, it definitely wasn’t because it was his last night with Bucky before he shipped off to camp McCoy a thousand and one miles away.

Well, maybe it was. 

"Stevie, you okay?" 

The grounding timbre of Bucky’s voice derailed Steve’s spiraling train of thought. He hadn't realized he'd zoned out until Bucky clapped a strong hand on his shoulder. 

Bucky's brow knitted with concern, baby blues searching Steve's with earnest worry. He reached his hand out and delicately wiped his cheek, his thumb resting on Steve’s cheek for a second longer as his hand cupped his face. Steve looked down at his two-sizes-too-big coat. Small dark spots had stained his woolen lapel sourced from the dampness on his cheek. He swallowed thickly, embarrassment and shame creeping up into his throat alongside the heat in his cheeks. 

Steve hadn't realized he’d started to cry.

He pathetically raised a bulky sleeve to his face and rubbed at his cheeks hard enough that the wool felt like barbed wire scratching at his china-like skin. He cursed, blinking towards the night sky to rid his eyes of any more tears. They didn’t seem to stop until he bit his lip hard, holding back the bile rising in his throat. He wished he were anywhere but there. 

He wished he could go with Bucky.

"'M fine, Buck," he mumbled, finally looking at his friend and forcing a pained smile onto his lips. "Gonna miss you, is all."

Bucky looked at him for a second more, eyes darting for a moment to Steve’s lips. Worry still plagued his features as he pulled Steve into the familiar embrace they both knew all too well. Pulling away, Bucky slung his arm around Steve’s shoulders and sighed.

“Well, punk, don’t worry ‘bout me. I’ll come back in one piece,” he looked down again at Steve and winked. “I’ll come back to you.”

Steve blushed, smiling at the ground. He could almost see himself in Bucky’s newly shined shoes, the black leather reflecting the festival lights from above as they made their way to meet the girls. Bucky paused, sliding his arm back and raising his hand to wave at the girls. The weight lifted off of Steve’s shoulders, and he shuddered, the cool air sneaking its way back into his body. 

“Wait here, I’ll go get ‘em,” Bucky said, breaking away from Steve’s side and jogging to the gigantic statue the girls were huddled under. He watched Bucky as the same sinking feeling climbed back into his stomach, blinking back any more tears threatening to leave his eyes again. 

Pansy. That’s what he was. Not a man, not even enough to be anybody. Nothing but a –

“Steve?” Bucky called, breaking through his clouded thoughts once more. “These are our lovely dates for this evening.” 

Steve forced himself to meet Bucky’s eyes, only to be distracted by the two girls dangling off the Sergeant’s arms. Each of them smiled at their arm candy, doe eyes scanning his chiseled features and competing for who could grin the toothiest. 

Steve stifled a laugh when he saw the lipstick between their teeth. 

Bucky gestured his locked arms to Steve. He forced a smile, sticking out a hand for the girls to shake. The girls briefly broke their focus to acknowledge him, looking down at his extended hand. Their arms only gripped tighter to Bucky, a poor attempt to save face and keep their smiles from faltering. Steve sighed, knowing this would be the beginning of the end. He retracted his hand and returned it to his coat pocket, instead nodding to both girls and giving Bucky a defeated look. 

Bucky chewed his lip, his brow knitting together at the pained look in Steve’s eyes. Turning to Bonnie, the blonde with neatly pinned curls and a pretty red dress, he wiggled free from her grasp and nodded to Steve. 

“Bonnie, this is my best guy, Steve. Steve, you ‘member Bonnie?” 

Bonnie’s strained smile didn’t reach as far as she intended it to. Her eyes stared blankly at Steve as if processing and accepting him as the fate she’d succumbed to by agreeing to be his date. Her eyes flicked over to Connie, imaginary daggers shooting straight into her friend’s chest.

This oughta be fun.

“Oh, Steve Rogers! I remember you!” She greeted in feigned excitement as she instinctively stuck out her hand to him. He gulped as he shot a quick, pleading look to Bucky, who mouthed, ‘kiss it.�� He reached his clammy hand out to hers, chapped lips meeting her delicately smooth skin. His nostrils flared, stomach churning as he inhaled her sickeningly sweet perfume. Choking back a gag, he glanced up at her as her smile turned into a subtle cringe. He looked at Bucky, whose hand around Connie’s shoulder seemed to tighten as he gnawed on his lip, the slightest bit of envy filling his gaze as it flicked from Steve to Bonnie. 

“Nice t’ meet you, doll,” Steve sighed as he dropped Bonnie’s hand, his own snaking right back into his pocket. 

“Well, now that we all know each other, how about gettin’ to Stark’s Show?” Bucky suggested. “I heard he’s gone all out this year!” 

“Yeah, it should be starting soon!” Connie added.

Bucky smiled, Steve’s heart fluttering as he gave Connie his arm and began leading the group into the middle of the Expo. Bonnie trotted along next to him, wiggling her way onto his other arm as Bucky continued to tell them about Stark, his groundbreaking inventions, and his theories on how the man alone could alter the war as they knew it. 

Steve trailed behind the trio, chuckling to himself as he listened to Bucky’s ramblings. The girls seemed to give less of a damn, bored out of their minds but hiding it better than Steve thought they would. He smirked to himself, Bucky’s excited voice taking him back to nights shared in their tiny Brooklyn apartment. The long nights they would both lie in bed, Steve forcing himself to stay awake to savor Bucky’s voice as he talked about science, books, and his theories on his favorite radio program, Avenger.

Steve would give anything for one more night like that.

As they approached the main stage, Steve's stomach rumbled. He cursed, realizing he forgot to eat again. How disappointed Bucky would be if he knew. He looked ahead to Bucky, who had turned over his shoulder with a concerned, furrowed brow. 

‘You okay?’ he mouthed. 

‘Snack,’ Steve responded as he pointed a bony thumb at the vendor next to him. Bucky nodded, his eyes lingering on Steve a second longer before returning to the girls.

Digging around for pocket change, Steve approached the vendor. The sugary scent of candied almonds and caramel corn wafted into his nose, his mouth watering as he pulled the coins out from the depths of his pockets. The girl at the booth smiled at him, all freckles and gap teeth. He ordered a small bag of almonds, his face flushing as his hand grazed hers offering the money. He swore he felt like he turned as red as her hair. 

Get it together, Rogers.

He thanked her and dove back into the ocean of people, popping a few almonds into his mouth as he wove through the bodies finding Bucky. He spotted a waving hand clad in Army green poking out of the sea of people, and he beelined for it. 

“Glad ya made it back, Stevie- er, Rogers,” Bucky fumbled, quickly glancing at both girls to see if they caught the name. 

Steve’s heart, butterflies and all, died a little bit more when Bucky corrected himself. The familiar lump in his throat and the burn in his eyes threatened to return as he tried to ignore the nickname he knew all too well. 

As Steve opened his mouth, music erupted from the loudspeakers surrounding the stage, announcing Howard Stark’s arrival as he forced one of the showgirls against his lips. His voice boomed over the music as the crowd applauded. The girls stared at the millionaire mogul in awe– Bucky included– as he introduced his latest feat of the flying car. 

Steve popped more candies into his mouth, chewing as he listened absently at the selling points of the flying car. Bonnie looked back over her shoulder, her brow twitching upon laying eyes on Steve standing behind her as if remembering he still existed. She gave him a once over before turning back to the stage, her smile and awe returning to her face as quickly as it had disappeared. He paused mid-chew, looking down at his snack. Out of the sheer good manners his mother taught him, he extended his arm over her shoulder, the bag crinkling as he offered some to his so-called ‘date.’ 

In an instant, her demeanor dropped again, she snapped her head back to him. She eyed the bag of candied almonds as her nose scrunched, recoiling as if he’d offered her a handful of garbage. He looked at her in confusion, only to be met with the same daggers she’d shot Connie earlier being fired directly at him. 

He slowly retracted his arm and looked at the candies. They were the same sugar-coated almonds he’d been eating the entire time, not some moldy science experiment. He blinked as he felt the sting return to his eyes, tears blurring his vision. The lump appeared suddenly back in his throat, thicker and heavier. He couldn’t swallow, couldn’t see, couldn’t speak.

He’d lost his appetite. 

He didn’t care about the Expo, about Stark, about the stupid flying car that didn’t seem to fly at all. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t want to be with the girls, with the people, not even with Bucky. 

He wanted to be alone. 

He bit his quivering lip, turning on his heel as the crowd erupted again, his eyes searching for any escape route he could find. He stood up on his toes to scan over another couple behind him when he froze at the illuminated Uncle Sam poster at the back of the crowd. 

‘I WANT YOU!’

A sign. Literally and figuratively. 

If Bucky had to go, he would too. 

The candy-striped bag crumpled in his hands as he shouldered his way through the crowd, the Uncle Sam poster a beacon of light as he made his way toward the recruitment station. The closer he got, the faster his legs seemed to work, carrying him to the entryway of the station. He’d barely crossed the threshold before a heavy hand clamped down on his shoulder.

“Steve, hey, you’re kinda missin’ the point of a double date,” Bucky chided, turning Steve to face him. Hurt plagued his features as his brow knitted further, eyes searching Steve’s for an answer. 

“And I think Connie’s missin’ a mirror with all that lipstick in her teeth,” Steve shot back. 

“What the hell, Steve,” he grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the entryway to the side of the station, shaking him slightly, “What’s gotten into you t’night, huh?” 

Anger flooded into Steve’s veins as he grabbed Bucky’s hand and threw it off of him. He huffed, throwing the crumpled bag of wasted candies onto the ground and stomping on them.

“You don’t understand, Buck!” Steve’s voice shook, “You’ll never understand!” 

“Understand what, Steve?” Bucky gritted. 

“That if you go, I go!” 

His chest heaved as tears spilled down his cheeks. His hands shook as much as his voice as they turned into fists at his side.

“If you go to war, I go to war. If you leave, then–” he choked out a sob, “then I have nothing left! I am nothing! Without you, I’m nothing!” He sputtered, choking down air as he grabbed Bucky by the arms. “I didn’t wanna spend tonight with the girls, I wanted to spend it with you!”

He sobbed again, pulling Bucky to him. The dark green coat had dampened with the blond’s tears. Bucky stood still, arms at his side, speechless.

“It’s ‘cause I love you.” 

His confession, muffled and final, brought Bucky back to reality. He continued to cry, gasping lightly as he felt Bucky’s heavy arms slowly wrapping around him, squeezing tightly around his friend. Bucky bent his head to Steve’s, soft blond hair gracing his lips as he pressed a kiss to Steve’s head. Steve shook again and paused, slowly looking up to find Bucky’s eyes welling with tears of his own. He swallowed thickly, placing another shaky kiss on Steve’s forehead.

“I love you too, punk.” 

Bucky wrapped his arms further around Steve’s waist, hoisting him up past the tips of his toes as he brought the blond to his lips. All of the air left Steve’s lungs, his eyes gaping widely as Bucky pushed into him. Bucky’s arms held onto Steve tightly, keeping him stable as his head spun wildly. Steve pushed into the kiss, locking his arms around Bucky’s neck. His fingers carded into the Sergeant’s hair, nearly knocking his hat off. Steve couldn’t help but grin at the soft moan he elicited from Bucky’s chest, savoring every second before Bucky broke from him. 

Bucky placed Steve gently back on the ground. Steve sniffled, shaking his head as his mouth floundered to find anything to say. Bucky struggled too, reaching for Steve’s hand before he suddenly froze.

“Bucky? Bucky! Are we still going dancing?” Connie called. Bucky snapped to attention, turning on his heel and putting on his best ‘I didn't just kiss my best friend’ face. 

“Y-yes! Of course, ladies!” He responded, his facade dissipating the instant he turned back to Steve. Concern dotted his features, making Steve’s heart pound harder. 

“Look, Stevie, make me one promise,” He pleaded, gathering Steve’s hands into his own, “Wait for me, will ya?” 

Steve’s face fell. Confusing, hurt, all boiling in his blood, spilling over into the mess of emotions he felt swirling in his head. This is all Bucky could say after that? 

“What do y’mean, Bucky? I’m going in there to enlist. I’m going to fight. If you go, I go!”

Bucky faltered, grip loosening on Steve’s hands. He licked his lips, weight shifting as he glanced over his shoulders. Nobody paid them any mind, not even the girls. He turned back to Steve and set his jaw. 

“Steve, this is war. This isn’t some back alley fight where I’m gonna come save your sorry ass again. There’re jobs here! You can stay at the apartment or work for the pharmacy. You can–”

“I can, what, work in the factories? Collect scrap metal until God says when?” He yanked his hands away from Bucky’s hold. 

“Why not? It’s safe! It means you’ll be here! It means I won’t have to worry about you–”

“Bucky!” Steve’s voice boomed, snapping Bucky’s attention back to him. He silently fumed, biting his lip to speak any further. He felt like he drew blood when Steve reached for his hands this time. His small palms paled in comparison to Bucky’s, but he managed to hold them as well as Bucky held his. He tugged at Bucky’s fingers, commanding the Sergeant to look at him. 

“There are men laying down their lives ‘nd I got no right to do anything less than them, less than you. This isn’t about me, or you, or anyone, or anything. This is about doing what’s right,” he said. His thumbs ran over Bucky’s knuckles, gracing the veins in his

hands he’d studied so many times before when he drew in his sketchbook.

Bucky scoffed. “And you got nothing to prove, huh?”

“Sarge!” Bonnie’s voice rang. “We goin’ dancing or what?”

Bucky gritted a sigh through his teeth, plastering another fake smile once more. 

“Yes, we are!” 

Steve blanched, letting go of Bucky’s hands and crossing them over his chest.

Bucky turned back to Steve, who stood with a shoulder to him, side-eyeing the Sergeant with hurt in his eyes. Bucky could tell Steve’s lip was quivering no matter how hard he bit down on it.

Bucky dropped his head, knowing it would be the last time he’d see Steve. He shook his head, looking for the right words to part with in light of their newly confessed love.

“Promise me one thing then,” he requested, pulling Steve into a hug. His arm slung around his shoulders, patting him as Steve mimicked his motions almost half-heartedly. 

“What?” His voice muffled into Bucky’s shoulder.

“Don’t do anything stupid ‘til I get back.”

Bucky released him from the hug, turning to leave for the girls when, Steve stopped him, grabbing him by the tie. His bony, nimble fingers reached up, straightening the silk fabric, smoothing down his lapel, and fixing the gold buttons donning it. He smiled weakly, looking up at the Bucky one last time. 

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with ya.”