#Currently asking myself the profound question

[shiroselia]

At this point I genuinely think I might be the bitch who has asked themselves the most questions about this game

Especially the weirdest and most specific

[jo-com]

𐙚‧₊˚📒✩ ₊˚ ➛ Cousins?

Max Verstappen x Fem!reader

Summary: Having similar features could be such a burden sometimes— people tend to mistake you for his cousin.

Genre: Fluff and a bit of possessiveness

Note: Grammatical errors and such

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ➛ My Masterlist

────── ─ ₊˚.🎧 ✩｡☕ ─ ──────

It was yet a sunny day at Miami— the sun emitted a warm breeze that spread across the grounds of the paddock. People were glistening at the profound heat that ran from the lower through the upper part of their bodies.

The bustling crowd that sweated in every inch of their being, stayed under the peak of the sun— it was all going to be worth it once they see the long awaited race.

As if on cue, the Max Verstappen slowly got out of the vehicle he currently rode in and along with him was a petite young lady that oddly resembles him.

They had similar features and wore the same smile; at first they thought that it was his sister but the longer they stare it was just merely impossible to be his sister.

Murmurs and whispers could be heard from around the pit— the question still remained, “who is she?”

After racking their brain for a while they finally concluded it to her being his ‘cousin’.

…

It was your first time going there and you’ve already caused quite the scene. You didn’t know whether to be proud of yourself or not— but this day isn’t about you, it was about Max and you wanted nothing more but show your adoration and how proud you are of him.

So you tried laying low. Well you tried. Drama just keeps following you wherever you go.

It wasn’t your fault, right?

…

As you walked besides him; your hand nestled in the tight embrace of his biceps. You could here the the sound of people gossiping.

The two of you never went and announced your relationship. You guys wanted it to be lowkey and stayed out of the f1 gossip headlines.

To add to that, you were to busy to come to his other races, people don’t know what you look like or who you are.

Speculations about him having a girlfriend were there but was never confirmed due to lack of evidence, but they had their suspicions. They just didn’t know that it’s you.

As you guys walk aimlessly around, you then come to a stop when one of the McLaren drivers approached you.

His orange jacket stood among the crowd. Along with his child like grin that spread across his face.

Max glared at him with cold like demeanor, “what do you want lando?” He asked with a hint of annoyance.

“Well i am here to introduce myself to this fine lady over there” he smiled cheekily and gently grabbed your hands and brought it up to his lips.

You could feel max getting tensed from the drivers sudden action, you were also caught off guard but with a gentle smile you took back your hand, “Nice to meet you, i am y/n.”

Before lando could speak further, Max stood infront of you; blocking your view of lando as he towered over that poor man.

“If there’s nothing else, we’ll be going now” he spat, his voice clear with anger.

Lando could felt the immense pressure— without a word his body consciously stepped aside.

With a relive sigh, the two of you walked away, “Whew that was weird”, you muttered, shaking off his gesture like it was nothing.

Max only hummed in response. He didn’t want to show it but it was pretty obvious that it affected him big time.

As you two continued to walk, not even 5 minutes in, another one of the drivers we’re already walking towards you.

“George Russell, nice to meet you” he spoke. His hand presented in front of you, ready for you to shake.

You were about to go for it when suddenly, max took the initiative and reciprocated it himself. His grip on George’s hand were tight— you could tell from his sudden change of expression.

“Uh i am y/n nice to meet you too” you chuckled dryly, trying to ease the tension that surrounded the three of you.

“Max let go”

George shook his head vigorously, “yes max please let go” he pleaded, you could see how his eye’s started to glistened. Was he about to cry?

“Uhh max let go now” you gasped, seeing George’s hand look red and crush. Damn what exercise does this dude do.

You were about to apologize to him when you felt your whole body being dragged.

You spared George a quick glanced and mouthed a ‘sorry’, you weren’t sure whether he saw that or not— he was too busy clutching his hand to try and make the pain lessen.

…

The whole afternoon, whether it were pr, staffs, or his fellow drivers. People hitted on you like you were some kind of magnet that attracts people. Pulling them in closer to your aura.

And with that Max was pouting the whole time, seeing as many people talked to you one by one. It was adorable seeing him like that, well to you it was. to him, let’s just say it wasn’t a blast.

“As soon as we get home, we’re announcing our relationship stat” he spoke, his tone laced with determination.

You let out a soft giggle and intertwined both your hands, “whatever you say my big baby.”

…

Hope you guys like that, it’s been sitting in my drafts so i decided to just finish it!! 💕

[lolaandthens0me]

Do you ever feel embarrassed or shamed for wearing diapers or do you embrace it head on..

Hello king d and thank you for this question.

Shame is a prevalent topic and something I know many of my friends in this community have in the past or are currently dealing with. Shame is a complex thing and can be so debilitating. The first thing I want to say is you are not broken. I'm saying this to all of us, including myself.

Also - you are not alone.

As someone who was not "factory-installed" with a diaper fetish, I avoided those early years of feeling so alone and different for liking this. I think this is a big part of why I've never experienced shame in wearing diapers. I didn't start wearing until I was 30. I didn't have an interest in wearing diapers until then, and I was ushered into this community with love and encouragement by my ex. I feel so lucky that my story was one of mutual exploration and enthusiastic interest in diapers.

I have however experienced shame in other areas of my life, as most humans have. My biggest struggle with shame in my adult life has been in realizing my desire to be with and love multiple people. And in my decision to leave my marriage of 16 years. As necessary and freeing as that whole transition has been, I felt extreme guilt and shame in choosing to live a more authentic, more kinky life. I'd ask myself, "Why couldn't I just be happy in the wonderful, loving, charmed life I had?" It's because it just wasn't me. Or perhaps, it just wasn't me anymore.

Things that have helped me get over this shame include talk therapy, yoga, gratitude exercises, and surrounding myself with people who I feel see me for me and love me in all of my authenticity. This includes all of you! Getting more involved in the abdl and greater kink community has helped me accept myself and all of my beautiful, kinky quirkiness a hundredfold. When I finally stepped out into the world of meeting people in person and going to events, this is when my guilt started to move through me in a profound way. Meeting and bonding with others in this community helped me gain confidence in showing my more authentic self to others outside of kink as well. I started loving myself more because love was reflected back to me in the warm embraces and deep conversations I was having. I was able to share more about my desires of the different kind of life I wanted to live. I found that a wider circle of more open-minded and accepting people organically grew around me in all areas of my life. This helped dissipate that guilt for leaving my old life little by little. My shame dissolved into wisdom gained and loving compassion for those around me. I focused on helping people and have been able to turn that shame into loving acceptance and guidance.

No matter what "different" kinks you are into, you are part of a community. Embrace that community. Find the time and will to get in the car and drive 3 hours to the nearest munch. Reach out to that person online that seems like you or you find interesting. Share your unique self with others and I bet that your shame will start moving through you as well.

[drnikolatesla]

A Night with Tesla: The Future of Electrical Resonance

(This narrative is a creative reimagining of a 1901 interview with Nikola Tesla, titled "Tesla's Twentieth-Century Views," originally penned by Frank L. Perry for the Western Electrician. Presented from a first-person perspective, this piece offers a fun and immersive experience while preserving Tesla's original words about resonance and the future of energy.)

Late one Friday evening in January of 1901, I found myself at the Waldorf-Astoria in New York, sitting down with the legendary inventor, Nikola Tesla. The setting was grand, but Tesla seemed entirely focused, undistracted by the opulence around him. I had been eager to ask him about his latest thoughts on the future of electrical energy, particularly the concept of resonance, or as Tesla often referred to it, “electrical tuning.”

With a mix of excitement and curiosity, I asked, “From your own investigations with high-frequency currents and the transmission of electrical energy, it seems that there’s a great future along these lines. Does the question of ‘electrical tuning’ become a most important one? Will this direct the progress of scientific discoveries in the next decade?”

Tesla leaned forward slightly, his eyes bright with conviction. “You have put a question,” he began, “which not only is of great importance in many arts of the present day, but also throughout the mechanism of the universe. The phenomena of sound and light afford striking examples. I believe that ultimately even nerve action will be proven to involve the principles of ‘sympathetic response.’” His thoughts were as bold as they were profound, suggesting that the very nature of life and nerve function operated on the same principles as electrical resonance.

He continued, “In my own experiments with electrical and mechanical vibrations, I’ve been impressed by the tremendous possibilities. With a small engine capable of pressing a piston back and forth with a force of just two pounds, I once set an entire block of modern buildings into such violent swaying that people rushed out terrified. And this was done through precise attunement.”

As he spoke, I found myself captivated by the simplicity of his explanation, despite the staggering implications. Tesla didn’t stop with mechanical resonance. He went on to explain his even more astonishing work in electrical vibration. “In electrical vibration,” he said, “I have frequently obtained results that were even more wonderful. The tuning of electric circuits is becoming increasingly important as the arts advance and methods refine. The layman can only have a vague idea of what can be accomplished in this line by those who possess the knowledge and skill.”

I asked him about this skill—how one could master such an art. “Knowledge of the principles is easy enough to acquire,” he admitted, “and one of the best sources of information on the subject comes from Prof. Pupin, whose work makes it accessible even to a beginner. But skill—now that takes patience and untiring dedication.”

The conversation turned to the challenges of refining electrical circuits for optimal resonance. Tesla explained, “Many experimenters don’t realize that an electrical system cannot vibrate freely through an imperfect contact or high resistance. It’s like trying to get a spring to vibrate while holding it firmly—it simply won’t happen.”

He paused for a moment, as though he was envisioning the future even as he spoke. “The transmission of electrical energy through the earth offers the greatest possibilities of development. The time is not far off when electrical oscillations will speed through the globe, each separate and distinct, fulfilling its mission. It’s a seemingly simple subject, but as you advance, it feels as if the wide ocean is opening up before your eyes.”

As we concluded, Tesla recalled an experiment from five years prior, where he had successfully “tuned” 150 circuits, calling each one in turn without disturbing the others. “At the time, I thought I had mastered the art,” he smiled, “but now I see that I was only just beginning to learn.”

Leaving that evening, I felt that I had been granted a rare glimpse into the mind of a true visionary, a man who saw the universe as a symphony of vibrations, with every element perfectly attuned. What Tesla envisioned wasn’t just a technological future—it was a harmonious one. And as we move further into the twentieth century, I can’t help but wonder how much of his grand vision we’ll soon witness.

[nonbinarypirat]

Hello! I really like your character analysis from m!ik. I wanted to ask you what do you think of Amerie? And her influence on Iruma? And their relationship?

Great question! Okay, I’ll go in order of your questions since you have a few for me :)

Okay, so I have issues with how Ameri is written on the character, some of the few issues I have with Nishi’s writing thus far. But before I talk about the negatives I want to focus on the positives of Ameri and her character because I do think she has a lot of potential that I hope we get to see! Ameri is a classic capable but soft character type that we see in both her romance fantasies but also her deep care for her fellow students. She isn’t just a student president because of the prestige or power it could give her, it’s because her ideal is for every demon to be proud of themselves and their authentic selves. And this is a quality in her that I find deeply profound and beautiful. She’s proud of herself and she wants others to be proud of themselves as well. And what I like about Iruma and Ameri is that she encourages him to strive for more, more than he ever could have dreamed of in the beginning. And he makes her enjoy herself more rather than overworking herself. He makes her be still more, stop to appreciate the little things. She also has the power to inspire others, a nature born leader, and one that is willing to do anything for her fellow students. Not to mention she has given her fellow student council members a place to belong and by doing so, they have deep respect and loyalty to her. And for demons who are inherently selfish and idealistic, this says a lot. They aren’t with her because of her strength, they care for her and I think that speaks volumes in itself.

What I have a problem with is how much her growth is tied to iruma. I think in this Nishi failed at making her an independent character. For instance, we don’t get to see her work towards rank 7, which would help her in her main ambition. We know she wants to take over for her dad, but we don’t know why that’s so important to her yet. And we don’t get to see the steps she takes towards that goal. Her growth is her progress in her relationship with Iruma and I think that’s a let down. Like I said, I love how she inspires and pushes iruma to be a better version of herself. I enjoy that a lot about their relationship. But I don’t find myself interested at all in the romance aspect of the two, mostly because of how they met each other. The trope is that in so many animes and mangas (and the romance genre in general) have two characters run into each other and instantly fall for the other. They went for the trope, we had some laughs about it, but then it kind of just… stuck around? It’s making fun of the clique while also adhering to it and to me it just didn’t land. I think for the joke to work and to make the relationship flow better, the immediate attraction should have quelled and from there a more slow burn of feelings for Ameri. I think if she didn’t become so Iruma crazy so soon into the story, it could have made a more compelling relationship compared to the current one we have. Right now, besides motivating each other I don’t see much in the way of their relationship? I think it’s also hard because we see so little of her in the actual plot and story so the relationship feels like it’s going at a snail’s pace while also going too fast when we do get to see them interact again to make up for the lack of Ameri. It’s weird, they’ve gone on three or four dates (or at least, we can categorize them as dates even if both characters haven’t called it that) but at the same time it’s like nothing has happened for them. I guess besides Ameri realizing her feelings, Iruma blushing when hugging Ameri, and the talk with Henri. I wish the relationship was more friendship focused or the feelings took longer to develop. Because she’s a busy woman and she’s a year above Iruma, we don’t see her actively take part of the plot often and it just makes it hard to get to know more personal stuff about Ameri.

This isn’t to say I’m a Ameri x Iruma hater, I just don’t find their relationship a fun part of the story. I do also admit to having a bias for the love trio when it comes to Iruma ships. But I do hope that the relationship develops more in an in-depth way because I could see her and their relationship becoming more interesting if Nishi takes the time to write her (in my opinion) better.

[kingofbodyrolls]

Learn to Love Again (m) | myg | teaser

💜 It has been posted! Read it here. 💜 Summary: People always leave. They become beautiful stars shining bright in the night sky. When life hands you lemons, you’ve been told to make lemonade, but that is hard when your soul and heart is breaking apart. When you rescue a tiny cat and meet a handsome stranger in the cafe, you finally feel yourself healing – but when they too leave, how are you going to learn to love again?

Pairing: Yoongi x reader (female, mainly called pet names so no ‘Y/N’).

AU + genres: Hybrid!au (shapeshifter!yoongi), strangers to lovers, slice of life, heavy angst, a lot of sadness (I’m sorry!), dark vibes, smut and fluff and some humor. 

Rating: Mature/explicit/R18 – this is mature/explicit content, so minors, please do not interact.

Word count (for the teaser): 480 words. I’m still writing the fic and it’s currently at 12k and I’m almost done!

Warnings (general) + triggers: Heavy angst, extreme heavy sadness and grief, death of minor characters, mention of previous character death (parents), mentions of su*cide, mention of m*rder, su*cidal thoughts.

Warnings (explicit): Explicit sex (I haven’t written the smut yet, so I don’t know what it entails yet 🤣). 

Authors note: I know it sounds hella sad (and it is), but it is also very sweet and heartwarming too 💜 I wanted to venture into the darker stuff again, and embrace all the feelings and sadness that I felt a few weeks ago (I’m fine, well I’m getting through it at least). 

If you are triggered by any of the warnings, I suggest that you skip this. It’s not that explicit though (except the smut lol) but the heavy subjects are still there and they feature in it a lot.

Also, the quote “people always leave” features a lot in this and I only now realize why I find it so familiar – it’s a famous quote from Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill.

*fun fact: I actually took the photo of the night sky myself (back in 2013 lol) and used in the breakline for this!

Taglist: If you wish to be notified and added to the taglist, just drop a comment here on this teaser, an ask or a message and I’ll add you. I kindly ask that you have your age visible on your blog, as this contains mature and dark themes, you must be over 18+ 🙂

“Yuna…,” you cry, the anguish in your voice echoing the profound pain that seems to squeeze the very life out of your heart. “Why does everyone leave?” The question hangs in the air, more rhetorical than expectant, as if you're not seeking an answer from Yuna but grappling with the cruel patterns of departure that life has woven into the fabric of your existence. Each departure, like a thread pulled from the tapestry of your world, leaves an unraveled piece that never quite knits itself back together.

“I–, I don’t know,” she stammers through her tears, the weight of the unknown echoing in her voice, mirroring the uncertainty that now shrouds both of your lives.

“Promise we’ll be there for each other,” you declare, the weight of the words hanging in the air. It's a poignant plea, an acknowledgment of life's unpredictable twists. You understand that you can't ask for an eternity, but in this moment, you're determined to hold onto each other as tightly as time allows.

“Count on it,” she vows, her response flowing effortlessly, a testament to the unspoken bond between you two.

Despite the tightening in your throat, a glimmer of happiness sparks within you at the assurance she just gave.

Why must life be so fucking cruel, robbing you of everyone you hold dear?

An overwhelming urge to reconnect with your sister washes over you, a deep yearning fueled by the ache of prolonged silence between you.

“I want to call my sister,” you manage to say through your sobs, a desperate plea lacing your words. “Will you be alright, Yuna?” you ask, your concern breaking through the waves of grief that surround you both.

“Yeah. I mean, I'm fucking sad, but go ahead and call her. Can I come to your place tomorrow?” Yuna's voice carries a subtle plea, a shared understanding that neither of you wants to be alone in the midst of sorrow.

“Yeah, I'd love that,” you respond, your voice carrying the weight of grief and the faint glimmer of gratitude for the companionship that awaits tomorrow. As you attempt to dry your tears with a throw blanket on the couch, the room feels emptier than ever, and the ache in your heart persists.

“See you tomorrow,” she says before the call ends. The hollowness in the room deepens, and you draw in a shaky breath, your gaze fixed on your phone. The background image captures a moment frozen in time, featuring you, Nari, and Yuna. God, the ache of missing her intensifies, and you can't shake the heaviness in your chest.

You tighten your grip on the phone, each tear that escapes your eyes a silent testament to the pain in your heart. Determination wells up as you locate your sister's number, fingers tracing the familiar digits, ready to bridge the gap that time and distance have carved between you.

[sugarpasteltmnt]

i am currently catching up on neon void, and it is a delight to read. your descriptions of leo’s mind is mesmerizing and grabs the reader’s attention so well. it’s very diverse and unique compared to other interpretations and fics♥️

i’m curious to know what your thinking process was like while writing leo’s insanity and his own thought processes.

(spoilers for ch11) the scene that stuck out to me the most was when leo was about to infect donnie. it felt so vulnerable and raw ahh

anyways i just want to dig into your mind a little to know how it works.

keep up the great work, you are doing wonderful.

WAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭😭😭 you are so sweet thank you!! 💙💗‼️and ohmigosh what a fun ask.

tbh i sat on this one for a while to think of how to dive into it-- beware of my (VERY) long ramblings below!

this question really got me Thinkin' and i kinda popped off but!! If i may indulge myself, here's sort of a wild explanation of how i approach Leo's Insane Brain for this specific fic:

does it meet R.I.S.E???

R - Realistic? I - Interesting? S - Silly? E - Existential?

R - Realistic

"How the hell do i make this sound realistic" is often an obstacle i run into. but it's also the Secret Sauce. What really gives the thought process direction. Given Leo's current situation, he's battling between what he wants and what he needs to do. Which is often a very real problem real people have. Exaggerating it helps create a fun back-and-forth dialog that can make his thoughts seem muddled.

With Leo in this fic’s setup, there are about five main key factors i rely on with his decision making:

Happiness The root of Leo’s general personification. He’s the guy who beat Krang One. The one who escaped a place worse than Hell. After years of missing home so much he’s FINALLY home. He’s drunk on happiness. He was finally home. And that relief and joy is what makes him so jubilant and goofy.

Awareness of his goal Though Rise Leo is a very funny dude, he's still a Leonardo. Throughout the series, Leo is the voice of reason when things are getting out of hand or are potentially dangerous. Leo's had nothing but time to think. Wishing what he'd done different. Wishing he had been more serious. After five years obsessing over his mistake and missing his family, the moment he see's the opportunity to make sure this never happens again he'll latch onto it. And when the stakes are high, accentuating that tension can help with frantic impact of his thinking.

His desire to see his family This desire often clashes with point number 2. Writing his internal struggle between the two helps with the “overwhelmed thoughts” vibe. It’s hard for him to choose! And he doesn’t wanna have to choose! Playing out the conflict between his 'want' vs his 'need to do' helps me bring out his nervous thinking process.

He's self-reprimanding thoughts We all love an Angsty Leo. It was hinted in the show that he had some self-esteem issues, but who doesn't love ramping it up to 11 for a fic??? That, and he was trapped with Krang this whole time. After hearing he was nothing but trash for five years PLUS the guilt of nearly ending the world, the guy doesn't exactly see himself in a great light you know? This can help clash with point 1, again helping with that 'what he wants' vs 'what he needs to do' inner conflict.

Instinct to Survive / Feral Tendencies This one is super fun. I love feral AUs/tropes. With little to no socialization in the Prison Dimension, Leo's sanity started to slip, leaving his body's natural instincts to become more profound. Plus, with the Krang Parasite, I like to exaggerate how feral/dangerous he could be outside of 'turtle' instincts. (Seeing that parasite hosts in the movie were very violent). Sprinkling in feral moments is just a delicious thrill I love adding, and it makes the insanity factor skyrocket and it's so fun to write 🩵🩵🩵

I - Interesting

Is Leo's thought process interesting to read??? Honestly, I just gun for what I think is the most interesting; Leo's relationship with his brothers (especially Raph), and the cause and effects of his shenanigans.

Also, I liked to experiment with wonky texts to help emphasize key moments or words to grab attention. Mostly because it feels like a fun surprise to read them in my opinion. Though not necessary in writing, I thought using some funky fonts might entice and excite 💙

S- Silly

THE BIG ONE!!! EVERYONE'S FAVORITE!!! 🎉🎊🥳🎉 Something I really love love love about Rise's style is that it's silly It's unique! It's fun! I love that Leo and the others are goofy and have some slap-stick moments. And I wanted to keep that with Leo despite everything. Plus, I ADORE that in this iteration of TMNT, the characters are such showmen. They are DRAMATIC. They are SILLY. And that's something I wanna celebrate!! Plus, as much as I love angst, writing nothing but pure angst is exhausting. (And I'm sure reading pure angst isn't enjoyably to everyone.) Throwing in Silly moments is like a little moment of refreshment to me 🩵

I also like to believe that Leo kept his sense of humor out of sheer SPITE. The 'wipe that stupid grin off your face' line in the movie really stuck with me. I feel like Leo would smile through his fear and still be a clown just to spite Krang One.

E - Existential

At the end of the day, Leo is dealing with a VERY big issue. I felt like the Rise movie did an excellent job portraying the severity of an alien invasion for the setting Rise had. And the weight of the situation would be too great for one person. And this is often what I refer back to to make Leo snap. A relapse in clarity of mind. A moment for the panic and PTSD to come back in full force and make him rely on his instincts. Usually the feral instincts he became more attuned with while fleeing/fighting Krang One. It also goes hand-in-hand with his awareness of his goal (as mentioned in 'Realistic' above).

And that's kinda a word-vomit of how it goes!! Honestly??? The tug-o-war between conflicting thoughts helps me write the madness in his head. It's been super fun and interesting, and I hope it's been fun to read!!! (Though I'm telling you now I will NOT be doing those floating text tables again OOF)

Thank you again for the ask it was super fun to think about ;w; 🩵‼️

[outfitqueer]

The First Steps

Coming Out to Myself @outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

The journey to coming out to myself was a quiet yet profound odyssey, marked by moments of deep self-reflection and emotional turbulence.

It was like discovering a hidden room in a house I’d lived in for years, a space that had always been there but was only now coming into focus.

I remember the first time I seriously considered my identity.

It wasn’t a single, dramatic revelation but rather a series of small, almost imperceptible shifts.

I’d catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and feel an unsettling disconnect, like seeing a stranger’s reflection superimposed over my own.

The more I explored these feelings, the more I realized that what I was seeing wasn’t a mere distortion but a reflection of who I truly was.

One of the earliest moments of self-realization came when I started to allow myself to dream about being my authentic self.

I’d imagine scenarios where I could express myself freely, where my appearance and identity aligned seamlessly.

These dreams were a source of both hope and anxiety. They painted a picture of a life that felt so right and so distant all at once.

It was exhilarating to envision this new reality but equally daunting to confront the gap between that vision and my current reality.

The process of coming out to myself was also deeply emotional. There were tears—sometimes of relief, sometimes of frustration—as I faced the truth of my feelings.

It was an internal struggle to reconcile the image I had long presented to the world with the identity I was slowly acknowledging within.

I grappled with fears about what this acceptance would mean for my relationships, my career, and my overall sense of self-worth.

I spent countless hours reflecting on what it meant to truly accept myself.

This wasn’t just about acknowledging my identity as a trans woman; it was about embracing it fully and allowing myself to be vulnerable with that truth. I would sit with my thoughts, sometimes in quiet solitude, sometimes in the midst of a crowded room, and ask myself tough questions. What would it mean for my future? How would my life change? And most importantly, could I accept this change with love and compassion for myself?

During this time, I also sought out resources and communities that helped me understand my identity better.

Reading books and stories from other trans people, engaging in online forums, and finding support networks were crucial steps.

These external sources of validation helped me to validate my own feelings, to see that my experiences were part of a larger, shared narrative.

The turning point came when I reached a sense of inner peace. It was a quiet moment of acceptance, when the fear and anxiety started to be overshadowed by a profound sense of rightness.

I realized that accepting myself wasn’t about eliminating fear—it was about embracing who I truly was despite the fear.

It was about recognizing that the discomfort of living a lie was far greater than the challenges that might come with living my truth.

Coming out to myself was not just a precursor to coming out to others; it was a fundamental part of the journey.

It was the moment when I looked in the mirror and saw not just the person I had been pretending to be, but the person I had always been inside. It was a moment of self-love and acceptance that laid the groundwork for the steps I would take next.

In accepting myself, I found a deep well of courage and hope. It was the beginning of a new chapter, one where I could step into the light with a sense of authenticity and self-assurance.

And while the path ahead was still uncertain, the act of coming out to myself provided the clarity and strength needed to face the world as my true self.

@outfitqueer 🏳️‍⚧️

[revonie]

SAGAU TIME (Flirty God!Reader Part 2) [Edited]

Flirty God!Reader's POV:

“It appears that SAGAU is indeed a tangible reality, or to be more precise, the Genshin Cult AU,” I released a sigh that had been unconsciously trapped within me. I surveyed the current surroundings, which happened to be the most recent room I had meticulously crafted within my Serenitea Pot prior to my arrival in the Genshin world.

Before I got here in Teyvat, I was simply driving my car to work when, out of nowhere, I came face to face with all the Genshin characters. I wasn't exactly calm, even though I tried to keep a straight face. I asked the Archons for an explanation and teased my self-declared loyal followers a bit. Then, I requested Lumine to join me on my way back to the Serenitea Pot for some much-needed rest.

Inhaling deeply, I muttered to myself, “Thank the stars they're not hunting me like an animal in the Imposter AU...”

A shiver ran down my spine as I continued, my voice laced with determination, “But should they ever brand me the imposter,” an icy, menacing glare overtook my features, and in my mind's eye, I vividly envisioned a harrowing scene where my devoted acolytes turned into merciless assailants, “I'll have no choice but to confront them head-on. I'd sooner meet my end in battle than in cowardice. I shall deny them the satisfaction of witnessing a single trace of fear in my gaze.”

Breaking from my thoughts, I questioned myself, “Before anything else, I need to determine if I am genuinely divine. What characteristic sets me apart as a god?”

“Could it be Golden Blood?” Without much thought, I bit my left thumb and inspected its hue, which appeared to be crimson.

“...Or maybe Golden Tears?” I waited patiently for a tear to form on my cheek. As soon as I sensed moisture, I swiftly wiped it away with my right hand.

“Not it either? There must be something...” I reached my hand out, trying to locate the tissue box beside the mirror to wipe my face. I took a brief glance in the mirror and was completely taken aback by what I witnessed.

“My eyes...” I was met with the captivating sight of rainbow-colored eyes gazing back at me. My face displayed a mix of disbelief and astonishment as I couldn't tear my eyes away from the mirror.

“What happened to my usual black eyes? Why do I resemble Douma from Demon Slayer?” I found myself asking, even though there was no one in particular to answer, as I slumped back into my chair.

“Where could I possibly be?” I whispered under my breath, my face betraying a mix of bewilderment, astonishment, and a hint of anxiety. Finding myself trapped in an unfamiliar Genshin AU filled me with a profound sense of fear.

“I must gather information about this AU,” I resolved aloud to myself. Stepping out of my room, I summoned Lumine and called out to her. She swiftly approached me and knelt down, responding to my call without hesitation.

“Lumine, I have a task for you,” I declared with an authoritative tone, concealing my true feelings behind a stern and intimidating facade.

Lumine gazed at me with full attention, ready to follow my instructions like a loyal and obedient companion.

“Aww, how sweet,” I mused to myself, relishing the sight of my beloved character dutifully responding to my commands.

“Retrieve all the documents and historical texts related to me. Ancient records, books, everything you can find. Leave nothing behind. Deliver them all to me,” I instructed her with a commanding tone.

"I think Lisa could be of assistance. The two of you working together should be able to gather all the information I require by tonight," I confidently relayed to Lumine.

"Tonight?!" Lumine exclaimed, clearly taken aback by the tight timeframe. I shot her a disapproving glance.

"Please refrain from raising your voice," I calmly admonished her.

"Forgive me," she began to apologize, but I impatiently interrupted her, my frustration evident.

"Let's set aside the apologies for now," I advised, my tone a mixture of exasperation and self-reproach. "Just ensure that you carry out my instructions precisely. I can't afford any room for disappointment."

Lumine nodded resolutely in response to my command. As I was on the verge of dismissing her, my gaze lingered on her kneeling form. I couldn't help but notice a subtle trembling in her posture.

I drew in a slow, steadying breath, consciously attempting to quell the irritation that had risen within me earlier. Despite my current frustration, a pang of guilt pricked at my conscience. I knew I shouldn't be treating Lumine in such a harsh manner, but at this moment, I couldn't help it. The revelation I'd experienced earlier had left me in a state of internal panic and confusion.

I approached her slowly, my hand gently cradling her cheek as I lifted her head. A blush instantly spread across her face in response to this intimate gesture. Her expression took on an endearing quality, causing me to momentarily abandon my stern demeanor and opt for a bit of teasing.

“Before you depart to fulfill my request, there's one more thing I need from you,” I declared with apparent seriousness. Lumine nodded attentively, waiting for me to elaborate.

“I need you, Lumine,” I confessed, my voice was soft and filled with longing. “Desperately so. At this moment, you're the only one who can bring me happiness and satisfaction...” I trailed off, speaking with passion that took Lumine by surprise. My eyes held a passionate and longing gaze as I leaned in closer to her, heightening her embarrassment.

“I assure you, it will be brief and enjoyable for both of us. All I require is your presence and your body...” I spoke to her, my voice tinged with a hint of shyness and embarrassment as I uttered the last few words. Lumine stood there, her movements frozen, and it was evident that her face had turned an even deeper shade of crimson upon hearing my words.

“Yes? What is it, Your Grace?” Lumine inquired, attempting to regain her composure but failing miserably. I placed my other hand on her opposite cheek, gently caressing it, making her struggle even more to calm herself down.

"I need you... to purchase some sweets and brew a pot of tea for the both of us," I stated innocently, feigning ignorance about any double entendre that might have been associated with my earlier words.

Lumine blinked repeatedly, her blush deepening as she comprehended the true nature of her earlier thoughts. It was clear that my innocent request had caught her off guard.

I couldn't help but chuckle softly, a teasing grin playing on my lips as I remarked, “Is there a misunderstanding here, perhaps? Did your thoughts happen to wander in a different direction?” Lumine, feeling both ashamed and embarrassed for having misconstrued my innocent request, blushed deeply, realizing her error.

“If you genuinely desire it, I can make that request as well—” Before I could finish my sentence, Lumine abruptly rose from her seat, her cheeks still flushed with embarrassment, and stammered, “S-Sweets and tea? Of course, Your Grace! I'll promptly fetch them for you!”

A gentle, amused giggle escaped my lips as I observed Lumine's hurried departure to carry out my modest request, the rosy hue on her cheeks still very much evident. I couldn't help but let out a fond sigh, a smile playing on my lips as I remarked,

“Truly, she's absolutely precious.”

A/N: Fully revised and made a few changes in the plot.

GIF by: @/peonyash

[wandercatt]

18, 25, 28, 54, 55, 56, 81, 82, 84

18. Met someone who changed you

i have been shaped not by a single person but by a group of individuals who have influenced who i am today. yet, one stands out with a particularly profound impact. i owe much of my progress to her. her words continue to guide me as i pass them on to others. without her subtle intervention, i might have drifted aimlessly in a world that consumes the unprepared. she’s my jessica to my harvey spectre; though we now fight on different fronts, we are still rallying under the same flag. soon, our paths will intersect in a confrontation i eagerly anticipate—and aim to win. i hold a complex mix of admiration and bewilderment toward her. in moments of doubt, i reflect on her choices, and that reflection has led me to where i stand today, for which i am deeply grateful.

25. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life

there are countless things i could wish to change, yet i find myself standing in the in-between—somewhere between who i was and who i hope to be. if i could change one thing, perhaps it would be learning to love myself more deeply. it’s not that i’m filled with disdain, but there’s a quiet sense that i don’t quite cherish myself enough to let go of the reckless habits that still linger.

28. Who’s getting on your nerves right now

francis. that ugly motherfucker from work. he's not just getting on my nerves, i fucking hate him. i aint writing shit for francis. lol.

54. Want kids?

at this juncture, the idea of having children feels somewhat distant. it doesn’t quite resonate with my current view, where the search for meaning often seems fruitless. despite the pressure to continue the family line, i find a certain peace in ending the cycle of a dysfunctional family by not adding more generations. for now, the prospect of raising a new life seems like a diversion from the more pressing and perhaps transient quests of existence.

55. Get married?

i'm not closing the door on marriage, despite having to call off an engagement. at the moment, it’s not something i see in the next couple of years, as i feel there are still personal challenges and growth i need to address before such a commitment feels truly meaningful.

56. Career

in the world of business process outsourcing, i find myself managing operations, navigating a landscape that feels both burdensome and oddly indifferent. the intricacies of leadership often seem inconsequential, yet there are moments, fleeting and subtle, where guiding others provides a brief, almost poetic glimmer of meaning amidst the monotony. i aim to ascend to a director role before i turn 35, hoping to find a deeper sense of purpose in the pursuit— or just drop all of this and be a surfing instructor, who plays in a band every other weekend. lol.

81. How would you label yourself?

i’m not sure how to label myself, especially when i drift through moments of existential doubt. some say i’m smart, others believe i’m the strongest they know. yet, there are those who see weakness or call me foolish. i let go of caring about their views long ago, but now, in the quiet space without their voices, i’m left unsure of how to define myself. so, i wonder—how would you label me?

82. Someone You Pray Everyday For

i can’t remember the last time i prayed. once, i was a devoted believer. its hard to answer this question directly. if any of those 10,000 gods are real, my prayer would be for the one who could end the suffering and evil in the world and perhaps deal with harry roque. i recall having asked for that before, but it seems those prayers remain unanswered. what makes a god god anyway? did we create them to make us believe that we are made by them?

84. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About

as much as i hate to admit it, kamil stands out as the one i cared for the most. she was the recipient of everything i had to offer, the best of what i could give at the time. sadly, circumstances weren’t in our favour, and i fell short; young, stupid, and naive as i was. i hope she doesn’t stumble upon this, because that would be embarrassing as hell. we don’t follow each other, but she pops up on my for you page from time to time. lol.

[galvanizedfriend]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @kirythestitchwitch and @morningstargirl666 🤗

How many works do you have on ao3? 22! But I think I currently have two or three fics that are private because I keep meaning to rewrite and never get around to it.

What's your total ao3 word count? 1.617.205 😗

What fandoms do you write for? Currently only The Vampire Diaries/The Originals.

Top five fics by kudos: The Wolf (surprising no one, The Originals S1 rewriting), The Wolf II (surprising no one², The Originals S2 rewriting), Vice & Virtue (very surprising this has more kudos than TWIII lol, regency AU), The Wolf III (The Originals S3 and 4 rewriting) and The Sound of Settling (that time I committed coffee shop!AU).

Do you respond to comments? Yes! I try to always keep up with comments, but I get a little behind from time to time, especially with comments left on older fics. Sorry, folks 🥲 With WIPS, I tend to always reply to comments right before or immediately posting a new chapter.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Pendulum, for sure. The alternative ending is pure angst (and I love it very much, there's so much meaning and to me it's a perfect ending for that story).

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All the others lol All my fics have a happy ending, Pendulum is an exception.

Do you get hate on fics? Not so much anymore, though I did recently get a bitter anon here on tumblr. But yeah, I've received a lot of hate over the years.

Do you write smut? Occasionally, when I feel like the story asks for a smutty scene, but more often than not I go with the classic fade to black.

Craziest crossover: I've never written crossovers, though I have written lots of AUs inspired by other things (I forgot what those are called now).

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes, I have. A while back this nutjob stole a bunch of fics and published them as originals on Amazon and The Wolf was among them. I got lots of comments from people warning me about it and I managed to get it taken down.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, I have! To Russian and Chinese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have not, though it's a fun idea.

All time favorite ship? My favorite ship is always the current one and I've been stuck on Klaroline for a few years now. Those two idiots in love have my whole heart.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have so many. 🥲 I really wanted to give the TVD S5 rewrite a chance, but really don't think I have it in me to start something like that again.

What are your writing strengths? Oh boy. I suck at paying myself a compliment. But I've heard I write good action scenes? I don't know if it's true. Personally, I think I do a decent job of writing AUs, as in adapting canon aspects to other universes. I don't just plaster names on characters, I try very hard to make sure everything is still recognizable even in a totally different setting (then again, that's very subjective 😂).

What are your writing weaknesses? Wordiness. I am so freaking wordy, my stories are so goddamn long. I wish I could simplify my writing, shorten sentences, but alas. I have these ideas for writing exercises I would like to try with a couple of ideas I have, but I need to finish the ones I have started before I can jump into something else.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? If it's single words or short sentences, it's ok. I kinda like it even, but when it's full dialogues in languages I don't understand, it kind of loses me.

First fandom you wrote in? I think I wrote some semblance of fic when I was like 12 for Charmed, though I didn't even know that was fanfiction. But the first conscious fic I ever wrote was for Torchwood.

Favorite fic you've written? Pendulum. I think it's the most original and profound (lol) thing I ever wrote, it expresses many aspects of how I feel about KC. But I also really, really like The Unexpected Grace of Falling Apart. I LOVE romcoms and I think that story is everything I love in that genre, without being completely silly (in my opinion, ofc). Those two fics couldn't be more different if I wanted to, but one thing they have in common is the fact I spent years working on them.

Tagging @definedareasofuncertainty, @howlingmoonrise, @misssophiachase, @jinxedwood, @bettsfic, @bellemorte180, @marginally-accurate, @b-mina and @austennerdita2533!

[b-a-l-a-n-c-3]

Wanted to ramble some general S/V thoughts real quick. Will include DLC bits so spoiler warning ⚠️

Okay one thing I want to address right away is the Time Machine. Turo/Sada but it using the Tera crystals in Area Zero and that’s how the paradox Pokémon came to be. But in Arven’s storyline postgame (to unlock his dorm room) he mentions that it’s weird that the Paradox Pokémon seemed to exist during the events of the Scarlet/Violet book (Heath’s expedition) despite the machine not being built yet. This hints that the ‘paradox’ of the Paradox Pokémon, but we don’t get much else to go off of. My current theory is that the Time Machine wasn’t actually a time machine, but rather an amplifier/conductor of the Tera crystals OR Terapagos…not that the professors intended it to be though. Kinda makes you wonder what actually happened to their AI counterparts when they went into it…

Now for what the machine may have ACTUALLY done, I believe the popular theory that it simply created the Pokémon each professor had been envisioning, but in doing so caused a time paradox where the Pokémon came into existence during the expedition as well. Pretty much a loop: Heath n co see glimpses of these Pokémon, document them, professors see them, imagine them, boom machine makes their imagination a reality, in both past and present.

For the DLC, I think that this first part was done not only to introduce us to important characters for the next part, but to also show us more of what the Tera crystals are capable of. Think about it: Ogerpon’s masks are imbued with these crystals, so when she terastalizes, the mask adopts most of the Tera properties and not Ogerpon herself. She doesn’t get a hat or a single type boost; her tera-crystal imbued mask takes the place of the hat and she gets a boost to ALL of her attacks (she still changes types, and I think the boost is still increased more for the main Tera/mask type? I could be wrong here). So if an item having these crystals imbedded in them can have such a profound effect…then what else can they doin these kinds of situations?

Ok last ramble: Kieran. Oh my god his arc was…honestly terrifying. His last line actually gave me the shivers. I’m not going to delve too deep into his decline during the story, only because I don’t think I understand it too well myself. I do get why he’s acting the way he is. He’s sided with Ogerpon for years, and the one chance he had to finally be with her was torn away by…well, Ogerpon herself and the player. He seemed so lost in his own fantasy of redeeming her that he forgot about how she felt. How she felt when he ran off when you and Carmine are getting ready to go after the masks. How she must have felt when he kept showing up at her den (not fully implied that she was uncomfortable but there’s no way that she didn’t know he was going there. If she liked the attention she would have sided with him sooner). She likes us because we stuck around, gave her back her mask no questions asked. That doesn’t go to say that she doesn’t LIKE Kieran. Ogerpon clearly trusts him a little based on how she followed him into the village after he reassured her about it (Kieran even had a lil smile there when she did :D) But she’s just more comfortable with us, and Kieran couldn’t accept that…

So for the Indigo Disk? It’s pretty obvious that Kieran is going to be the champion. If you look at the trailer, there’s a short part where you see his jacket and gloves, but his jacket is unzipped and we can’t see his face. I think he may not have always been the champion of the BB league (since it’s implied he’s not popular and that he’s about the same strength as Carmine), so what most likely happens is that he toughens up A LOT and becomes champion by the time we arrive. How he’ll act towards us is something I’m a little too uncertain about to properly theorize, but it’s not gonna be pretty.

Sorry for the long ramble, but if you made it this far, thanks for sticking around :DD

[cardcaptorr]

What has your journey of self-love and growth taught you about yourself?

if you're trying really hard to love yourself, you already do. i think ive always had some self-love because i always tried so hard to love and understand myself.

i think it also made me realize how shallow i am when it comes to my own appearance, i definitely grew out of that a bit the past few years but even more so this last year. i love myself for so many reasons and none of them have to do with what i look like.

ive grown so much this past year, my 4 year relationship breakup was the best thing that ever happened to me tbh- it made me see myself and my life so clearly. i realized how unhealthy it was to revolve my life around a romantic relationship and neglect everything else. im still not sure why i fall into that pattern every time i get into a romantic relationship, but my current relationship isn't like that at all, and it is the best relationship ive ever been in. it gives me space to focus on myself and focus on things that matter to me and actually improve and work on myself. i genuinely care a lot about self improvement now, i care about achieving goals i set for myself, and i care about being healthier and happier ☺️ im also trying to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, and a better girlfriend also.

i think ive also pushed myself out of my comfort zone so much this past year, something ive never done before, but something thats obviously very necessary for personal growth. i used to think i could never be an artist, but im actually pushing myself to achieve that dream (i used to be like um thats such a wild dream actually that i should just not even try at all lol 😀) and ive sold so many paintings and prints of my original art this year!! and participated in a makers fair that turned out to be very successful and such an amazing experience 🥹✨ putting myself out there was so hard, and putting all the effort in making it happen was hard, it took so much time and energy and creative thinking, and i realized quickly that i would have never put all that effort in it if i was still in my last relationship. so yeah, thats been pretty cool. I think I earned the title of artist now lol. 😎

thank you for asking such a profound question haha I appreciate it!! 🥰

[thelovesickbakery]

So I'm in a bit of a difficult spot, dear baker. I come to ask you if I may be permitted to post a submission here. I've made a vital mistake in my life and I've been growing into deeper despair and pain as a result with each passing day. I'm a married man trapped in a loveless marriage... I desperately want to cut off all ties but it's unfortunately too expensive to get a divorce in my situation... Plus I'm a father. I have a child who if I leave will be forced into a religion not of their choosing or understanding. I am obligated by a father's love to stay to foster free will and to give my child the tools to carve their path as an individual on this world.

And yet... I feel trapped in this prison of my devising that I sacrificed so much to forge. Left in a hospital without so much as a visit... Always being an after thought... Always having my medical needs ignored on whims... I sometimes feel like I was just a means of escape. My heart once burned so passionately and has been vast asunder into thousands of cooling embers and I just can't go on like this. Everyday is a reminder of this hell... I'm so tired of never having the mutually obsessive love I crave. Of always being misunderstood... Of being an alien on distant sands and being shamed for daring to think for myself.

But I can understand if this would barr me from eligibility. I may have made a choice, and it was a bad one regardless even if it did give me the greatest treasure in all of existence, but it was still a choice regardless. But I crave the love and romance only a dedicated yandere could provide. Instead of being dirt... I want to be recognized for who I am by a person I've spent my life seeking. If I may be permitted to submit here I'd be very open about my situation. I understand it'd be a burden, but if someone would be willing to dare to try, to forge something new, something real, something lasting... Can't we try? But if the answer is no, then I'll respect your answer.

You need to know within that heart of yours, dearest, that I am not, and do not intend to act as, a barrier/obstacle to submissions based on elements of this nature. The factors I chose to determine ineligibility are only connected to age and whether there's information such as phone number or the small village in which one resides within their submissions. I am an observer, a means to an end on this blog, and will not act to question the contexts and circumstances within which people decide to undertake this search — I'll leave those who shall read the profiles to decide whether or not to pursue that person.

Even so, I feel within my heart that I carry the responsibility to share an important detail within this matter, which is: I cannot express promise for success, I can't guarantee those who come across such a profile will be looking at it with this same generosity. You understand, right? I cannot promise the desired answer, which is most earnestly sought after, will be found within this search, but I can offer the opportunity to attempt, the opportunity to construct circumstances in which you will be in a position that will allow this answer to be considered as possible.

[There are not enough words to describe how heart-wrenching each of these experiences and current circumstances are in their most profound nature; to be suffering through each of these issues, that's simply too desolating. I'm terribly sorry to hear such is the position you find yourself in… Whether this decision is correct or not, whether the answer you seek is achieved or not, please, take care of yourself.]

[a-s-levynn]

Some asks for you~~ 4 / 13 / 59 / 97 👀

Darya! Always lovely to see you! 💖🫂 (Also i'm already forgoing the short version thing, too much hassle so long answers only)

4. What’s the one thing you feel like everyone knows how to do except you? I'm sitting over this question over half an hour now. I have no idea. I mean there is a list of things i feel like i can't really do but i know others that can't either. Maybe that is it. I have a very hard time not approaching every situation from an objective stance first. I can remove myself from situation so far, even directly concerning me in most cases, that i forget i'm an actual person in it. This started to slowly shift lately since i'm trying actually allow myself to feel feelings not just note them and tuck away but it's hard. Some days it's working and i feel like an actual human being, but somedays i'm back at square one and some days i just break down in the toilet of my workplace out of nowhere, which is... a new experience for sure.

13. Tell a secret. But then it wouldn't be a secret anymore. 🥺 I know this sounds like kind of a cop out but honestly stumped on this one. I'm not a tattletale TAT

59. What’s the happiest day of your life you’ve ever had? That's... a hard one to be honest. There are different days i feel were among the happiest for one reason or an other. I could not in good conscience pick only one. But one of my most memorable days probably were my most profound experiences ever. My memories are not the best but the full solar eclipse when i was 5 is not something i could ever forget. There was just.. something about it that i cannot explain fully even to this day. Something that not just my 5 years old brain could not fully comprehend but todays brain fails at it as well.

97. What’s your favorite word? Currently it is "taradiddle" because it is an oddly funny sounding word in correlation of it's meaning (petty lie). I ran into it in a fanfic in all places a while back. i had no idea what it meant and i love it so much. And because of this i genuinly had to make a doubletake when the "paradiddle" happend, just because my brain went to taradiddle and that made no sense in the context at all. 😂

[mariamagdalenaposting]

Let's talk about genitalia

Crossposting my own essay from Reddit that I wrote for r/actuallesbians because why the hell not. Enjoy!

*****

Dear community,

Yesterday, I happened upon a post on here - that in the meantime, went down - by a trans woman asking the community the simple question whether they liked women with penises. I clicked on that post despite my experience telling me not to expecting the comment section to contain the usual flow of love and wholesomeness that this community shares. But I was disappointed.

After I blew off some steam yesterday I decided to share a few thoughts on the matter in the form of this small essay. It is not meant as a call out post, rather, I wanted to offer a fresh perspective on that topic that I hope all people on here, explicitly including cis lesbians, can benefit from. I am happy about feedback in the comments.

I am currently reading a book by the great Alison Bechdel - if that doesn't ring a bell, do look her up - that reminded me of a simple fact: The lesbian movement, at its inception - obviously distinct from lesbianism as a whole - offered the promise that it would not simply replicate heterosexual relationships, adapted for relationships of women towards other women. It would rather strive to develop something entirely new, so profoundly distinct from heterosexuality that lesbian love and lesbian desire would be recognized as clearly distinguished from heterosexual relationships.

In my limited experience, what that has meant for me on the part of desire has been recognizing that what comphet made me believe about desire was that desire sprang from the partial fulfillment of a fantasy by something that happened in reality. As it always is, recognizing that has not yet let me stop holding on to these fantasies. So I get it. Especially when I am starved for affection and when my need to experience pleasure and desire is not met, it is soothing to make the trip to wonderland. And all of us, from time to time, need soothing.

At the same time, I am grateful for another experience: That where expectations end, true desire reveals itself. When I let go of this search of my touches of an experience some fantasy told me would be there, I am free to turn my touches into an exploration. It is such an immense joy to experience the never ending diversity of a body in this way, over and over and over. And it is a profound expression of love to be cherished in this way.

I was lucky to get a whiff of what posibilities desire harbours and I hope that my life will continue in this exploration.

I think that it is natural for any exploration to come to a crossroads from time to time and to explore down one path but not the other. I even think it's an integral part of it; some of the joy of exploring comes from making a decision and seeing where it takes you. And no one can judge you for not being pac-(wo)man: You don't have to go down every path.

That brings me to the diversity of women's bodies. As I said, for me, it has been a bottomless well of joy to get to know very diverse women and their bodies and to overcome my preconceptions to meet on a much deeper level. But I would lie if I said I overcame every preconception I have. There are women who don't inspire desire in me. This area of unknown is a temptation for me to fall into one of two judgements: Either I, myself, am a bigot for not experiencing this desire which I know could be there. Or this person is undesirable.

It should have become clear how ridiculous both statements are. Yet at the same time, I fall into these judgements every day, because it is easier to have the false security of knowing everything than to let the unknown be. At the same time, letting the unknown be, in this case, is the only option to not unnecessarily hurt myself or others with my preconceptions. So this is what I strive for, and I invite everyone to do the same. As I said, the unknown can be your greatest friend when search turns into exploration. But i know that it sometimes just isn't.

That said it is time to return to yesterday's post and specifically the comment section under it. The sentiment I found there numerous times, repeated over and over, condenses to the following: "I don't like penises on women, but I am sure there are other lesbians who don't mind." This strongly resonated with my experience of the false alternatives I mentioned above: First, people told OP that they themselves didn't experience desire for penises so far, then, they went on to tell that the highest they thought other lesbians would go would be accepting penises, which is very different from desiring them.

At this point I want to remind everyone that it is typically not people asking these questions who are already very secure in their belief in their capacity to be desired. Transphobia tells trans people that their bodies are undesirable because they might not 100% conform with the phantasies we soothe ourselves with. The same, I have been taught by others, goes for racism, perisexism and ableism. That doesn't mean that these bodies don't fall victim to fetishization. I am talking about the same, unbound desire I was talking about above. As I said, I think it is natural to not explore every possibility; but telling someone who is possibly asking for reassurance that they are not desirable is a whole other deal. And I think we should all strive to refrain from that in the future.

I firmly believe that all our diverse bodies are beautiful and desirable and hold infinite treasures for those willing to explore. And this is the sentiment I want to spread in this community.

I mentioned it above, but I once again want to thank all the intersex-ed people that shared their experiences under yesterdays post. For me, a perisex person, these things are invaluable to hear. I want everyone who is not perisex, not white, not able-bodied, not cis, not ..., to feel encouraged to share their experiences below, in support or in criticism. (also true for tumblr!!)