#Got it answered and I realised I got to connect two dots I already had

[shiroselia]

At this point I genuinely think I might be the bitch who has asked themselves the most questions about this game

Especially the weirdest and most specific

[cameronluvr]

BABY DADDY — exbf!dad!rafe x mom!reader

summary: you have a baby with your ex, rafe, but when you arrive early to pick her up from his place, you discover drugs on the table��

warnings: toxic!rafe, arguing, mentions of cocaine, rafe being manipulative and a total asshole, cussing, angst, lmk if i missed anymore!

: ̗̀➛ 𝓶𝔂 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

your daughter is the most perfect little girl you could’ve asked for. she’s sweet, funny, sassy, and so beautiful. the older she got, the more she began to look like rafe. she has his bright blue eyes, his dirty blonde hair, the same shaped eyes and nose… she was his twin. and you were unsure whether or not you liked it so much. you love your daughter more than anything in the world, but gosh, you wish you didn’t see your ex in her every time you look at her.

rafe had her over the weekend, so when sunday evening approached, you left to pick her up. upon arriving at his place, you knock on the door and wait for it to open, but suspiciously, nobody answers. you frown, looking down at your phone to realise it was an hour earlier than you’d usually come to pick the baby up.

you knock again, only this time hearing footsteps rushing to the door. it swings open, and rafe greets you with a smile. “hey,” he moves out of the way, motioning for you to come inside.

“hi,” you walk inside, looking around. “where is she?”

“oh, she’s in bed.” he tells you, scratching his head. “already? she isn’t usually tired at this time” your brows furrow in confusion, it was only 6 PM. “yeah, well, she wanted to go to bed” rafe shrugs. you ignore him, walking to his bedroom to grab your daughter.

slowly opening the door, you see your baby laying awake in her crib, making you grin and walk over to her. “hi, baby girl” you softly say, reaching down to pick her up. she raises her arms, making grabby hands at you. you giggle as you pick her up, holding her on your side.

“mommy missed you so much,” you plant kisses on her cheek, making her laugh. rafe is stood by the door at this point, watching you both. you turn around and notice him, “did you have fun with daddy, hm?” you ask her, gently bouncing her up and down on your hip.

“yeah we did. we went to the park, and the beach, and we went to see your grandpa and aunt’s, didn’t we, baby?” rafe says, walking over to you both to give his daughter a kiss on the head. he loves her so much, you can see that. “ooh, that sounds fun” you giggle, looking at your daughter with a grin on your face.

“uh huh, we had the most fun” rafe smiles, tickling his daughter in your arms. hearing her adorable laugh made you both giggle in adoration.

“right, girl, we gotta’ go.” you tell your baby as if she can understand what you’re saying. you walk out of the room with her in your arms as rafe follows behind. you start to gather her things before noticing something in the living room.

on the table lies a fresh line of cocaine, with the bag it came from next to it. “is that?…” you ask, carefully setting your daughter down on the floor to let her play for a minute. rafe stops what he’s doing to look at what you’re looking at, both of your faces dropping.

“are you serious?!” you raise your voice at him, but not loud enough to scare or startle the baby. “what?” he asks so stupidly. “wh— what?!” your eyebrows raise and eyes widen in anger. “your one year old fucking daughter is in the next room and… wait, is that why you put her to bed?” you ask, connecting the dots.

he put her to bed early so he could feed to his drug habit.

“relax, she’s fine, isn’t she?” he asks, frowning as if you’re overreacting. “she’s fine? yeah, sure, that makes it all okay, rafe!!” you respond with pure sarcasm and rage. the two of you start to argue and bicker back and forth as your baby takes no notice. she’s too young to understand, and instead ignores you both to play with her toys.

“what if you got up to do something and she went over there, rafe?!” you yell, but again, not too loudly. “well she didn’t!” he argues back. “well what if she did, huh?!” you’ve never been this angry before, your face just inches away from his.

“that’s why she’s in my roo—”

“that’s why?! so she wasn’t even tired, you just put her to bed so you could ignore her while you sniff your fucking lines?!” you place your hands on your forehead out of stress.

“i wasn’t ignoring her!” rafe yells back.

“do you do this every weekend? is this why you took so long to answer the door?!” you ask him. “no, jesus, y/n! chill the fuck out” you stress him out now, watching as he runs his hand through his hair.

“chill out? you want me to chill out, after doing that shit around our daughter?!” you squint in anger at his stupidity. how could he be so selfish? to you and your daughter.

“i’m not doing it around her! i’m doing it while she’s in the next room, no big deal. i’m not hurting anyone” he argues, defending himself like a cocaine addiction is normal.

“oh, that’s fine then. it’s no big deal, you’re right. come on, y/d/n, we’re leaving.” you sarcastically roll your eyes before turning around to pick your daughter up from the ground.

“don’t think for a second that you’re seeing her next week, you can fuck off.” you face rafe for a moment before grabbing the baby’s bag with your other hand, and walking over to the front door.

“y/n,” rafe says, quickly following you to the door. “what?!” you snap, making your baby jump in your arms. “don’t be like that, i’m sorry!” rafe pleads, begging you not to keep his daughter away from him. he may love her, but boy is he stupid.

“rafe, this is the type of shit you could go to prison for, and get her taken away from us! is that what you want?!” you shout at him, not noticing as your baby begins to cry.

she ignored the fight when she was sat on the floor, but now she’s face to face with you both, witnessing the argument firsthand, which scared her.

“oh, baby,” you quickly divert your attention to her after hearing her cry, attempting to comfort her. “see what you did? come here” rafe blames you, taking his baby from your arms before you could protest.

“me?!” you ask him, the audacity. “yes, you!” rafe says, rocking the baby back and forth in his arms to calm her down, shushing her. “give her back to me, rafe” you demand, holding your arms out.

“no, you just made her cry.” he shakes his head, moving your daughter away from you as tears roll down her cheeks. “it was your fault!” you say to him, getting frustrated now.

“yeah, it’s always my fault. you want her to be raised around this? around her mom constantly yelling and being fucking crazy?” he asks as if you’re the problem.

“i— oh my god” you shake your head. “rafe if you don’t give her back to me, i swear to god…” you clench your fists. “what? you gonna hit me? with her in my arms? you could go to prison for that, too, you know” he tuts, shaking his head at you. he is the master manipulator in your life, you don’t know how you ever had a kid with him.

you love your daughter to death, but sometimes you just wish she had a different father.

“oh, fuck you, rafe.” you look at him with fiery eyes, almost as if you could murder him right now. “see how your mommy talks to me, baby?” he diverts his attention to the little girl in his arms, making you roll your eyes.

“your mommy can be real crazy, huh?” he says, only this time looking at you while he says it, which ticked you off the edge. “don’t talk to me about crazy, you fucking psycho.” you raise your voice at him, reaching for your daughter, but he moves her away again.

“rafe! let me take her home!” you yell. “this is her home, too” he shrugs, not yelling as he gently shakes her in his arms, trying to prove that you are the problem, not her daddy. “so you’re just not gonna give her back to me, is that it?” you ask, dropping your arms and giving up trying to get your baby back.

“that’s right. you can leave, she’s staying with me.” he nods. “why? so you can lock her away in the bedroom again? while you snort your fucking life away?” you still argue.

“believe whatever you wanna’ believe, but i am not giving her back to you when you just scared her” rafe shakes his head, keeping your daughter away from you which angered you deeply.

“it was your fault!!!” you say again, like you said before, but he never listens. “yeah, yeah” he rolls his eyes, turning to walk away from you. “where are you going?!” you raise your voice.

“we are going away from you so you can calm your fuckin’ psycho ass down. makin’ a baby cry like that, what’s wrong with you?” he says, still walking away with the baby.

there’s no winning with rafe. you get the blame for acting crazy, starting fights and trying to protect your daughter. you just dread to think what he will tell her when she gets older.

“you know what? i’m done. i’m leaving. i’ll be back for MY baby, asshole.” you shout, opening the front door and slamming it as you walk out. rafe always manipulated you, always got his way with you… you should’ve considered that before pushing his baby out a year ago.

this is SHORT and i really don’t know if i like it or not… hopefully you guys liked it! lmk what yall think in the comments. thank you so much for all the support, i LOVE you guys. <333

@cameronluvr

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

Boston Bears: Off-Limits - Rugby Player!Chris x Reader (Part 3)

Summary: Despite Chris telling you to back off there's undeniable chemistry that both of you are struggling to ignore

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Angst! Fluff! Language! SMUT! 18+ ONLY! Masturbation! SMUT! 18 + ONLY! MINORS DNI!

Rugby Explained

Dividers by Me!

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

Chapter 3

You let out a long sigh as you shimmied into the 5th bridesmaid dress that Tommi had sent over to you to try on. Once it was mostly up you grabbed the string you had attached to the zipper and pulled it up to zip yourself in, a little trick you’d learnt after living alone for a few years. You then stepped back into the view of Tommi who was watching through your laptop screen. 

“Hmm I don’t think I like that one as much as the others, the neckline doesn’t look quite right” she hummed as she assessed the dress. 

“Yeah I’ve never been a fan of strapless” you added as you tugged the bodice of the dress up higher “This dress does make my ass look good though” you smirked, twisting to show off all the work the dress was doing. 

“You can say that again” Tommi whistled “Still doesn’t beat dress number 3 though”

“Yeah same, that one’s my favourite” you agreed “How many more are there?” you asked glancing over to the large box which she’d sent over to you containing all the different dresses. 

“Just two more” Tommi answered “I know 7 is a little overkill but I just wanted you to have a dress you definitely liked, especially as my maid of honour”

“Yeah, yeah I know it's okay” you sighed tiredly, scratching your forehead “So is this going in the no pile?” you asked dropping your arm to gesture at the dress you were currently wearing. 

“Yeah let's ditch that one” Tommi confirmed with a nod of her head. 

You let out another long tired sigh before stepping away to undress and put on the 6th dress. 

“Hey is everything okay? We can call it a day if you wanna?” you heard Tommi call out. 

You shook your head and stepped back into frame “Nah it’s alright, just been a long week that’s all”

“It’s Wednesday” Tommi frowned. 

“Exactly a long ass week” you grumbled as you step back, take off the dress and toss it into the no pile with the 4 other dresses. 

“Not as fun working with your dad as you thought?” Tommi asked as you changed into the sixth dress. 

“No it’s not that,” you said zipping up the dress and stepping back into the frame “Chris has just a bit… I dunno…”

“A dick? Asshole?” Tommi supplied making you shake your head. 

“No, not really, a bit dickish but not majorly” you defended.

Tommi frowns “Right… so what’s happened since Sunday and now?” she asked. 

“Well apparently he didn’t realise I was the coach’s daughter, got all pissed that I’d hidden it from him” you explained. 

“Did you?” Tommi frowned. 

“No, well I didn’t outright tell him who my dad was because there wasn’t really the opportunity but I gave him enough to connect the dots, I assumed he already knew” you explained with a shrug of your shoulders “Yeah I should have probably made it clearer but who cares who my dad is? We’re grown adults!”

Tommi nodded “What else did he say?” 

“That he wouldn’t have slept with me if he’d known, all because my dad said no one on the team is allowed to date me” you sighed. 

Tommi took a deep breath as she nodded her head slowly “Well… at least you cut it off before it got any further, one time can be played as a mistake” you just hummed in response, not quite willing to admit that you still offered him more “wait, what did that hum mean?” Tommi asked and you cursed under your breath. 

“Can you stop it with your empath vibe checker thing” you groaned in annoyance rolling your eyes. 

“It’s not that, I’m just know you too well, so c’mon get it out otherwise it’ll just fester,” Tommi said with a knowing look. 

You let out a long sigh as you repositioned your laptop so you could sit down on your bed “All I did was point out that my dad said no dating, and casual sex isn’t dating”

“No but it’ll get messy if you keep seeing him, I’m sorry but I agree with Chris on this one, you need to move on a find someone else” Tommi said gently. 

“I know but fuck I just can’t seem to stop myself from thinking about him, it's like I’ve got this itch that only he can scratch” you explained. 

“I think you might need to get that checked out” Tommi smirked pulling a snort of laughter from you. 

“You know what I mean, there’s just something there like a magnetic force that keeps pulling me in and I know I shouldn’t but the words were just out of my mouth before I could stop it” you told her. 

“I get that” Tommi nodded “but maybe you just need to find someone else to scratch that itch, someone where the possibility of it blowing up in your face is smaller” she suggested.

“Yeah, the team are playing at home again this weekend so I could probably find someone after the match again” you hummed as your fingers mindlessly fidgeted in your lap “It's just… I think what my mind keeps coming back to and part of why I feel that pull is the way Chris has behaved suggests he’s a really good guy”

“Even though he was a bit of a dick after he found out?” Tommi frowned. 

“Yeah, but it must have been a bit of a shock to find that out so it’s gonna be justified, and you know he cares about what my dad thinks, anyone else who was a dick wouldn’t have cared, he does” you explained “which just makes me think it might not blow up in my face”

“Yeah… that is true but it still might and even if you did end things amicably there’s still gonna be that awkwardness and do you really wanna risk that?” Tommi said with a gentle sigh “Look I think right now you just need to focus on you, and your job and just be happy with yourself, do what you want”

“Yeah maybe you’re right” you admitted despite it feeling so, so wrong, especially since what you wanted was Chris.

“You’ll find someone else, someone who’s not a dick and isn’t gonna cause unnecessary drama,” Tommi said with a reassuring smile. 

You nodded “Thanks Tommi,” you said before standing back up “This dress is a definite no, it digs in when you sit down and while I plan to do a lot of dancing at your wedding, I can not not sit down” 

Tommi let out a loud laugh nodding her head “Okay, another one for the no pile, so unless number Seven is a miracle dress, number three it is”

“They do say three is the magic number” you winked making Tommi laugh even louder. 

Like predicted dress number three was the winner so you packed the rest back into the box ready to be shipped back to Tommi so she could return them. The two of you then ended up spending another hour or so catching up, talking a little more about the wedding before you finally had to call it a night. 

You felt exhausted when you climbed into bed. Today’s training session hadn’t gone well at all, all the players were playing well individually but their cohesion was gone. They were a completely different team than what you saw on Saturday. It meant more minor injuries were cropping up like jarred fingers that needed strapping. 

Chris seemed to be the worst though as he missed countless number of passes and tackles, it was like his mind was switching off periodically. Part of you wondered and maybe hoped it was because of you. That maybe you were on his mind just like he was on yours. Another part of you was worried if that was the case because Chris was right about needing to focus on the Championship. 

Despite how tired you were you just couldn’t get comfortable and your mind just wouldn’t turn off. Chris was once again on your mind, first you were just revisiting the encounters you had and wondering how you could have played them differently. Which then turned into daydreams about what you’d do and say if something similar happened again, which just turned into straight-up fantasies.

Fantasies like what if Chris had taken you up on that offer in the medical room. Would he have bent you over the medical bed and taken you from behind? Or would he have lifted you up onto the counter and taken you there? You honestly couldn’t decide which you’d want more.

If he took you from behind you’d feel his hips slapping against your ass, he could take full advantage of your ass, grab it, spank it. He could wrap his hand around your hair, tugging it, pulling you back to make the angle even more delicious. 

If he took you on the counter though, he’d have full access to your chest again. Your top would be ripped off as soon as possible, your bra discarded too. One hand could grip your hip to keep you where he wanted, the other would be massaging and squeezing your breast. His callused fingertips playing with your peak, pinching and twisting. He’d give your other breast equal attention with his mouth, using his tongue and teeth to pull you to your peak. 

You could feel the heat pooling at your core at just the thought of Chris. You tried to just think it away and not scratch that itch but it was impossible. Soon enough your hand slipped under your sleep shorts and you felt just how turned on you were just at the thought of him. You couldn’t recall a time you’d been this turned on at the thought of someone. 

Just the feeling of your fingertips running up and down your core brought relief while also making the pressure ten times more intense. You increased the pressure, bringing your fingers up to your clit, swirling them around the sensitive nub, gasping when you pinched it between your fingers. 

Feeling the needy ache inside you, you slipped your fingers down to your entrance, biting your lip to hide a moan when you slipped your fingers inside yourself. You knew almost immediately your fingers alone would not be enough. You gave yourself a few pumps, pressing the heel of your palm against your clit but it just wasn’t enough. You needed the thickness of Chris’ fingers, the thickness of his cock.

In desperation you grabbed your vibrator from your drawer. Your shorts thrown haphazardly across the room to give you more room to work with. You instantly turned it on and pressed it against your core, a moaning curse escaping your lips. The memory of Chris doing the exact same thing played in your mind, the way he teased you and made you beg.

The memory alone meant you were precariously close to the edge when you finally pushed the vibrator inside. Usually, you found yourself still having to work yourself up, only ever finding your peak with the highest setting, but just the thought of Chris had you nearly coming on the lowest. 

You wanted to find relief, but you needed this to last longer. You took a couple of calming breaths, bringing yourself back down from that cliff edge. When you felt ready again you began playing with yourself once more, hands roaming over your body. 

Your mind kept coming back to Chris which just made your need even more intense. So much so that even though you wanted to pace yourself you turned up your vibrator to a higher setting, a loud moan escaping your lips when you did so. 

Not knowing how thin your walls were and not wanting to disturb your neighbours you rolled over onto your stomach so your pillow could muffle your moans. The new position did wonders as you then pictured Chris taking you like this, the way his weight would push you down into the mattress as he pounded you from behind. 

Your hips instinctively bucked up off the mattress as if he was there, as if you were moving to meet his thrusts. Your fantasy was so vivid it was like you could feel his presence in the room, smell his aftershave in the air. 

You moved up onto your knees, head still against the pillow as you picture him lifting your hips up. His fingers leaving marks on your hips as he gripped onto you. You once again turned up the intensity of your vibrator, your whole body moving as you pumped it inside you, chanting Chris’ name like a prayer. The chanting became a scream when you hit your peak, the noise drowned out as you buried your head in your pillow. 

Your legs felt weak so you rolled back onto your back, your chest heaving as you came down from your high, the vibrator still buzzing inside you. The image of Chris hitting his own peak flashed through your mind. The moan that escaped his lips, the blissed-out look on his face. You were caught by surprise when a second orgasm rolled through your body just because of the mental image of Chris hitting his peak. 

When you finally recovered you quickly turned your vibrator off and set it aside. Your chest was still heaving as you tried to catch your breath. You had never had an experience like that on your own, never been able to give yourself two orgasms. You knew it was all because you were picturing and wanting Chris. 

Even though you agreed with Tommi that pursuing something with him could lead to disaster, you knew that even if you did find someone else you’d be comparing them to Chris and it would just lead to disappointment. Chris had officially ruined you.

Chris was screwed. So, so screwed. All week he’d been off his game, at first he could blame it on his sore leg holding him back but thanks to your stretches that was sorted by Tuesday. He had no excuse for the rest of the week.

In the gym sessions, he wasn’t able to work at his usual level, benching far below his average. When he got questioned on it he just lied and said he was playing it safe this week. When truthfully he wasn’t physically able to lift any heavier. 

In training sessions when they went over drills he wasn’t able to hit as hard or take as many hits. His passes were slow or off target leaving the rest of the team to pick up the pieces. He could see the frustration on their faces when they had to scramble to collect the ball, he understood how they were feeling because he was feeling it too.

He tried everything he could to get his head back in the game. He stayed late in training sessions, running drills solo. He tried meditating to clear his mind but it was impossible because there was always one thing on his mind. 

You.

Even when he didn’t see you at training you would find a way back into his mind. His mind kept going back to when he confronted you in the medical room and despite how pissed he was he was one move away from initiating round two. Your offer replayed in his mind, reminding him of the loophole, tempting him. 

He couldn’t give in to temptation though. There was too much on the line for that. Every time he considered it he just told himself that he needed a release. It was worse at night when the world was quiet and his brain could get loud. So every night he found himself jerking off to give him that release he was clearly craving. He’d try not to picture you but it was near impossible, each time he’d picture a new fantasy each one getting more vivid and intense than the last. So much so that last night even after he brought himself to orgasm he still felt the intense need for release. 

He just hoped that on gameday everything would click back into place and he could focus on the game. As he walked into the stadium he followed his usual pre-game routine. He had his headphones in, head down as he walked through the corridors to the changing room, ignoring the photographer who was capturing the team's arrival. 

In the changing room, he kept to himself as he changed into his kit. He was lucky that he was even picked to play following his awful performance, he hoped that it was because Coach Y/L/N still believed in him and not because he wanted to lie about an injury during training. 

Once he was ready he just sat in his cubby and mentally ran through drills, picturing the Chicago Knights recalling all their weaknesses he’d noticed during analysis sessions. As the rest of the team arrived he gave them small nods of greeting before returning his mind back to the game ahead.

When it was time to go out onto the field he felt more confident than he did this morning. He had yet to see you though which he worried was the reason why. He knew he’d regret it but when he walked out onto the pitch he glanced over to the bench and that’s when he saw you talking with the other medics. He managed to catch your eye, he watched as you studied him for a moment with an unreadable expression on your face before returning your attention back to your conversation. 

Your complete dismissal of him left a strange feeling in his stomach. He was fighting the urge to walk over and say something. He didn’t know what he wanted to say but he just knew he wanted to be next to you. Thankfully he was snapped out of that train of thought when Ari slapped him hard on the shoulder. 

The confidence Chris had built was all but gone when they started warm-ups and drills. He wasn’t playing as bad as he had during the week but he wasn’t playing well at all. When he went aside to practice his kicks his accuracy was completely shot. Angles that he usually found easy were now near impossible and he could hear the murmurings of the crowd behind him. 

When warm-ups were done the team gathered for their usual huddle. While the coaches gave their usual talks Chris worked on emptying his mind, so much so that he didn’t notice it was his turn to talk until Jensen patted his shoulder to get his attention. 

“Sorry” Chris muttered shaking his head “We’ve had a tough week, all of us, some more than others, but we need to put that behind us and focus on the here and now” Chris started looking around at the team “we beat the knights earlier this season on their turf, we can beat them again on ours, think positively and think clearly, they’ve got something to prove so they’re gonna hit us hard so be prepared, we can win this and we will win this,” he said trying to convince himself more than anything. 

Thankfully the team didn’t seem to notice his lack of confidence as they nodded along and did their usual cheer in confirmation before heading back into the changing rooms ready to start the match. As Chris followed behind them he once again spared a glance in your direction, you met his gaze once more but instead of looking away, you gave him the smallest of nods. Chris was surprised to feel it settle him slightly, he didn’t allow himself to think about it though as he shook his head and walked back through the tunnel. 

Any confidence Chris had that the team were gonna win this match was shredded pretty quickly into the first half and it was all Chris’ fault. The other players were playing well, they’d taken what he said on board and put everything behind them, it was him who was letting them down.

He missed so many passes, fumbled the ball and knocked it on. So far almost all the penalties in the game were because of his mistakes. At one point he seemed to almost completely switch off and missed a tackle allowing the knights to break free, if it wasn’t for Johnny’s speed and tap tackle they would have scored. 

He was bringing the team down with him, any play he tried to make was the wrong call. He was making poor choices and the scoreboard reflected that. All he could hear was the crowd complaining whenever something went wrong. 

Needless to say, Coach Y/L/N was not impressed when it was finally half-time and the team made their way back into the changing rooms. Chris had only just sat down in his cubby when the coach marched in, a look of thunder on his face.

“What the hell is going on out there Evans!” he demanded.

Chris tried to find a reason to explain it all but he couldn’t so he just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head “I-I dunno coach, I’m sorry… I think I’m just in my head” he apologised.

“It’s not good enough Evans! You’re off for the rest of the match, Levinson you’re captain for the second half” Coach Y/L/N ordered. 

“Yes sir” Ari muttered glancing over at Chris whose jaw had dropped.

“No sir I’m fine! I’ll play better I promise” Chris reasoned not liking that he was being dropped mid-game. 

“You’re lucky you even played today Evans and you know it!” Coach snapped “We need to win this match and then we have a two-week break, use that time to get your head on straight, I don’t care how you do it, just sort it out”

Chris let out a defeated sigh and nodded his head “Yes sir”. 

Chris zoned out for the rest of the team talk, just shrugging on his jacket to keep him warm just in case he needed to go back on. He doubted it though, the only reason he’d go back on now was if there were enough injuries that the coach had no choice. 

Once half-time was over Chris followed the rest of the team back out, except he took a turn to sit down on the bench instead of following them onto the pitch. He let out a long sigh as he sat down he glanced over to the side and saw you stood with the other medics ready to run on at a moment's notice. Chris instantly shifted in his seat knowing you were now only a short distance away from him. This was gonna be a long second half. 

You usually watched a match pretty intensely because you had to spot when a player was stubbornly trying to play on when really they needed some medical attention. But today you refused to take your eyes on the pitch unless you absolutely had to. Mostly because all you could feel was Chris’ eyes on your back and you didn’t want to find out whether he was glaring daggers at you or not. 

He was seriously off his game and you couldn’t help but feel like you were to blame and you didn’t know how to feel about it. On one hand, you really didn’t want him to be off his game, and you didn’t like that you were the reason especially if it was pissing him off. But… on the other hand, a part of you liked that you had gotten into his head, that you were affecting him as much as he was affecting you. 

Curiosity got the better of you and you glanced over your shoulder to catch a glimpse of him. Only to find him watching you with his jaw clenched and shoulders tight. The look on his face was not one of want it was one of irritation. Yep, he was pissed off at you, curiosity killed this cat so you whipped back around to focus on the game.

Thankfully there were only 20 minutes left of the match and you could head home and get away from this. There was definitely no chance with Chris and you needed to accept that fact. If it required a pint of ice cream and a gallon of wine then that’s what you’d do. 

You were just making your non-break-up-break-up recovery plan when you noticed Johnny get up from a tackle limping. You grabbed your bag and ran onto the pitch to meet him and made him sit down to get the weight off his leg. 

“Hey, hey sit down before you make it worse” you said wrapping your hand around his arm to stop him. 

Johnny flashed you a lopsided smile before nodding “Sure thing” he agreed sitting himself down “It’s my ankle, just needs strapping”

“Sure not a problem,” you said passing him a water bottle before grabbing some tape from your bag.

As you worked you could feel Johnny watching you and when you glanced up you saw his trademark boyish smirk “I have to say you pull off that orange medic bib well, not many do” he said.

Your eyes narrowed as you studied Storm “What are you doing?”

“Flirting with you,” he said without missing a beat.

“Did you not hear my father’s warning?” You asked him returning your attention to his ankle.

“Oh I did, but Evans is off his game and jealousy never fails to give someone that push” he explained with a shrug of his shoulders “We’ve got a championship to win, we don’t need a Captain who’s distracted because he’s not allowing himself the action he wants”

You swallowed nervously “he told you about that?” You ask trying not to sound too scared at the prospect.

“No it’s none of my business, I’d just heard he’d left the bar with a girl last weekend, didn’t know it was you until I saw the look on his face when you walked in on Monday” Johnny explained. 

“What look?” You asked tilting your head slightly.

“The look of running into a hookup unexpectedly, trust me it's a look I know well, I also know the look on your face whenever you look at him,” Johnny said pointing at you.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?” You scoffed.

“The one that says you’re lost in whatever dirty daydream he’s currently starring in,” Johnny said knowingly.

“Yeah well he’s made it pretty clear that it's not gonna happen” you huffed as you put the tape back in your bag and passed him a water bottle.

“Nah he’s close to cracking, trust me” Johnny said with a shake of his head “So tell me do you want to get into bed again with the captain?” he asked with a knowing look. 

You bit your lower lip as you considered it. The voice of Tommi flashed through your mind telling you it was a good idea that Chris cut things off. You can’t get hurt if you don’t get involved. But no matter how many times you told yourself that you just couldn’t get the craving to go. 

“Yes,” you whispered nodding your head.

The grin on Johnny’s face grew “So let me help you, and in turn, help the team” You don’t say anything except arch a brow and a lopsided grin grows on his face “all you need to do is laugh, smile at me and maybe send me on my way with a touch to the arm”

You glanced towards the sidelines where Chris was watching from his spot on the bench. Even from this distance, you could tell his expression was stormy and it wasn’t because he’d been taken off early. His gaze was set solely on you and Johhny.

“Alright, deal,” you said holding out your hand to help Johnny to his feet. 

“Perfect, and in return you can give me the number of your sister if you have one” Johnny smirked.

You laughed at that “I like you Storm but even if I had a sister it would be a no” you chuckled.

“Hot single friend?” He asked hopefully making you laugh even more, not even needing to fake it.

“Focus on the Rugby,” you told him, touching his bicep as you stepped away back towards the sideline. 

As you walked back your gaze met Chris’ whose face had turned even stormier. He quickly adverted his gaze, only to glare daggers at Johhny. It was a good thing that he’d been taken off because by the look in his eyes, he’d probably tackle Johnny himself. 

Thankfully for the team, the Bears managed to claw back the scoreboard and beat the knights so the team were in high spirits when they returned to the changing room, with the exception of Chris who was still being broody. 

You were stood in the corner with the rest of the medical team while your dad gave his usual post-match speech and they all celebrated. When there was a break you caught Johnny asking you to come over to his cubby with a beckoning finger. 

“Hey what’s up? Ankle okay?” you asked him as you crouched down to examine his ankle.

He pulled it away though and leaned forward so he could whisper to you “It's fine, ready to execute phase two of our plan?”

“Phase two? I didn’t realise this was a multiphase plan” you said tilting your head. 

“We’ll use as many phases as needed” Johnny smirked “So what’s gonna happen is I’m gonna loudly invite you out to celebrate with us tonight”

“Like a date?” you asked. 

“Sure, but you’re gonna turn me down and say maybe another time” Johnny explained. 

You let out a small snort of laughter “Are you sure your ego can take that?” you smirked.

“It's a risk I’m willing to take, all we’re doing is confirming to Evans that he still has a chance but he has to act fast” Johnny elaborated “You’re gonna say that all you want is a night at home”

“So he knows where to find me” you realised. 

Johnny winked “Exactly, so get yourself home and put on some of your cute cosies you girls have, the ones that say you weren’t expecting visitors but will still send his blood south” he smirked. 

You let out a loud warm laugh at that, shaking your head at him “I like you Storm” you chuckled happy to know you had at least one friend on this team. 

“Everybody does, now you get home and get some” Johnny winked. 

As soon as you could you made your way home. You figured you had a bit of time to have a shower to freshen up and make sure you were ready for if and when Chris decided to show up. You then did as Johnny said and got into your best-looking cosies which consisted of a fluffy crop top and leggings. 

Then all you had to do was wait. 

And wait. And wait. 

You waited for so long that you were really starting to doubt Johnny’s plan. What if Chris had decided to go out with the team? Would Johnny try and convince him to go home? What if Chris decided to find someone else, did what Tommi suggested you do?

You needed something to drink. Opening the fridge you let out an irritated groan when you discovered that you were out of beer, all you had was a bottle of white wine which was not your preferred drink. It would have to though so you grabbed the bottle and poured yourself a large glass. 

Walking back to your couch you took a healthy glug to try to calm your nerves. You set it down on your coffee table so you wouldn’t drink it all in one go as you sat down, your leg bouncing nervously. Picking up your phone you considered maybe texting Chris, maybe you could phrase it in a way that looked like you were just checking if he was okay.

Before you could even think any further on that you heard your intercom buzz. You swallowed nervously and rose from the couch and made your way over to the intercom, taking a deep breath before pressing the button.

“Hello?” you said simultaneously hoping it was and wasn’t Chris.

“It's Chris… we need to talk” Chris responded making you breathe out a sigh of relief, at least you thought it was relief.

“Sure, c’mon up,” you said buzzing him in. 

You didn’t hear anything else from him to suggest he was actually coming up but nevertheless, you opened your apartment door and waited for him. As you did so you nervously wiped your hands on your leggings hoping you didn’t look as nervous as you felt. What if he was still pissed? What if he thought you were trying to get with Storm as was here to tell you to back off?

When he finally came into view you had to swallow and tell yourself to behave because he looked that good. He had clearly showered but not bothered to reapply any hair product because his fluffy brown hair was disheveled. He wore a navy zip-up hoodie which was a size or two too small going by the way it clung to his biceps. But his grey sweatpants were the real killer and you had to mentally remind yourself to look at his face.

Neither of you said anything as he stepped inside your apartment, his hands buried in his pockets. You barely moved after shutting the door, just watching as he stood there looking around at your apartment. 

“Less boxes” he finally said, his eyes finally finding you. 

“Yeah… thankfully” you said struggling to find anything else to say, the atmosphere quickly becoming awkward “Do you want a drink? I don’t have any beer, but I have wine” you said looking for an out, pointing at your wine glass. 

Chris shook his head “i’m good… you’re not expecting anyone are you?” he asked clearing his throat.

“No, I wasn’t, I’m not” you told him taking a couple of steps closer. 

Chris nodded his head pursing his lips “Just figured you’d invited Storm over” he said. 

His tone made your hackles rise, putting you on the defensive “Would it be a problem if I had?” you stated making Chris clench his jaw “Because you know we are two consenting adults, we don’t need permission to do what we want, we don’t need your permission, or my dad’s” 

“Oh, so you do want to sleep with him?” Chris fired back. 

“Why? Why do you care? Is that why you came here? To tell me to back off?” you demanded. 

“No” Chris growled. 

“Then why? Why are you here? What do you want?” you pressed walking over to him.

“I-” Chris started but you interrupted him again. 

“What do you want!” you pretty much shouted.

Chris just growls surging forward, his hand clasping the back of your head as he crashed his lips down onto yours. You instantly responded, kissing him back hungrily, your arm winding around his shoulders, your other hand gripping his hoodie tightly. He in turn pulled you closer hand moving to cup your ass, a groan escaping his lips when he squeezed it. 

“You’re such a bad idea” he groaned as he continued to kiss you. 

“Then why does it feel so right” you murmured as you tried to tug him back towards your bedroom but he wouldn’t budge. 

“Because you’re a drug” he muttered making you gasp in surprise when he turned you around, his hands placed firmly on your hips as he pressed kisses to your neck “All week I’ve wanted you, I thought I could deal with it myself but it wasn’t enough… I needed the real thing,” he said tugging your hips back into his so you could feel just how much he needed you. 

“I know… I felt the same” you gasped as he slipped one hand beneath the waistband of your leggings, fingers running over your core and feeling your arousal. 

“We shouldn’t do this” he murmured but still doesn’t stop, his fingers finding your clit and rubbing it in circles. 

Your head dropped back against his shoulder giving him perfect access to your neck. Your hands gripped his arms to keep yourself upright when he nipped at your pulse point only to soothe it with his tongue. 

“Don’t stop” you begged, your hips bucked up into his touch. 

“I don’t plan on it” he growled as he plunged his fingers into you. 

You let out a loud moan but it was silenced by his lips capturing yours once more. You all but melted into him, you would have completely fallen to the floor if he hadn’t wrapped his free arm around your waist, trapping you against him. 

You came in record time, moaning his name as you hit your peak. Your chest heaved and your vision turned hazy but you were pretty sure you were watching Chris lick your arousal off his fingers which only made more flood your core. He caught sight of you watching him, a smirk on his lips as you bit yours. 

Without saying anything he moved you so you were bent along the back on the couch, your leggings and underwear were soon tugged down and removed, thrown somewhere in your apartment. The anticipation was killing you as you heard Chris undress behind you and the tell-tale sign of a foil square being ripped into. 

It then went silent. All you could hear was your heartbeat in your ears and your heavy breathing as you waited for him to do something. After what felt like an eternity his hands ran over your hips and ass, massaging and squeezing your cheeks. He took his time, a moaning gasp escaping your lips when he decided to spank you once only to instantly soothe the stinging with a kiss.

He then kicks your legs further apart before stepping closer and lining himself up. You tried to fight back the moan at the feeling of just his tip pressing against you. He then went still and all you could hear was his heavy breathing as if he was trying to hold himself back. 

You didn’t want that though, it had been the longest week in existence and you needed him now. You didn’t want him to hold himself back, you wanted him hard and fast, you needed the release only he could give you. There’d be time to go slower another time. 

He must have been reading your mind or you were thinking out loud again as he then slams into you with so much force you nearly went over the top of the couch. He didn’t give you a moment to recover and you didn’t want it either because this was exactly what you wanted, what you fantasised. 

“Fuck you feel so good” Chris groaned as he thrusts deeply into you, his hands gripping your hips tightly leaving his mark on you “How could I possibly think I could stay away” he muttered more to himself than to you. 

His words made your back arch as you gripped the couch and ground back against him. Getting that confirmation that you had the same effect on him that he did on you was the biggest turn-on that existed. 

Chris took advantage of your arched back reaching around to slip his hand under your fuzzy crop top to cup your breast. Pulling a loud moan from you as he played and pulled at your sensitive peak. 

“Ch-chris I-” you moaned unable to form a coherent sentence. 

“Hold on, I’m not done with you yet” Chris groaned as he placed a kiss to your spine “Not yet” he repeats when you let out a pleading whimper. 

You did what you were told, trying to hold on for as long as Chris wanted you to, talking yourself back down from the edge that you so desperately wanted to jump off. You held on until it was impossible, grabbing Chris’ hand and directing him towards your clit but he pulled his hand away before you got the touch you needed. 

“Ah, ah, ah, did I say you could cum?” Chris asked leaning down to whisper in your ear. 

“Please” you begged gripping his wrist. 

“Please what?” Chris pushed moving his hand closer to where you wanted it. 

“Please Chris, just please” you pleaded. 

Chris didn’t say anything making you whimper only to gasp when he placed a kiss to your shoulder as he finally found your clit and brought you to the peak you were desperately chasing. You came with a loud moan your walls clenching and pulsating around him, you were so high in the clouds that you were only faintly aware of Chris hitting his peak just after you. Your only indicator being the feeling of his weight over you as he finished.

Your vision began to clear as you felt Chris pull out of you. You continued to recover, catching your breath as you heard Chris moving around your apartment behind you. 

You were about to push yourself up to stand when you felt Chris’ hand run gently up your back. Looking over your shoulder you saw the gentle expression on his face as he helped you stand before leading you around to the front of the couch. 

You watched as he lay down on the couch before pulling you down to lay on top of him, his arm wrapped securely around your waist. Your hand rested on his chest as you looked down at him and tried to understand the expression on his face. You knew there was stuff you needed to talk about, work out exactly what this arrangement was but you didn’t want to ruin this moment just yet.

So you just rested your head down on his chest and ran your hand over his chest “What are you doing tomorrow?” you asked quietly. 

Chris hummed “nothing…why?”

You lifted your head again to look back down at him “Congratulations, you’ve been awarded membership to the most exclusive club in Boston” 

A lopsided grin grew on his face “About time” he chuckled as he cupped your cheek and kissed you.

Sharing is caring so please reblog and leave a comment to really make my day!

This series has no schedule, please don’t ask when it will be updated!

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

I don’t have a taglist but follow @secretswiftymarvelfanlibrary​ and turn on post notifications to stay up to date!

[sunshineandspencer]

Pick your own (Iridescent, Part 4)

Let me stress, this is not Maeve from the show, but my own Maeve just named the same to send Spencer into hell whenever he thinks about it.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!OC.

Summary: Their last coffee date before finally getting back to the office, he’s bored and wants to find out what she’s been working on. 

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: swearing, spencer is an ass™

Parts: Pt1, Pt2, Pt3, Pt5

The probationary days are finally fucking over! He’s going back to work, for now, and is getting back into the office. Something he never thought he’d be this happy about. Although, the one person that seemed to be happier than him is Maeve.

He still hates calling her that in his head.

As they walked back down to her car, after getting the half decent coffee from her machine, with her holding both cups so that he can unlock the car, she had this annoying little jaunt to her walk. It’s irritating her, and she can already feel the scowl starting to break through.

“What’s gotten you so.. Chipper?”

She smiled at him, and even that didn’t seem as forced or sarcastic as usual. Even his perpetual irritation with her wasn’t going to dampen her mood today.

“We’re finally going back to work! Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to be attending lectures again, but I missed Garcia.. and the murderers.”

“You don’t miss murderers, Donnelly.” 

Scoffing, he unlocked the car and watched her stack the coffee cups together to open the door and get in. Quickly following after, into the driver seat, so that he wouldn’t have to hear her complaining about him taking too long.

But when he got into the car, she was pouting softly into her drink, clearly she really did miss her murderers. 

When starting the car, however, he finally realised. Not only was he going back to the BAU, but he’s going back with Maeve. This last month of having her as an assistant made him completely forget that she’s also his partner at work.

She’s going to overthrow every good thing about the place. It’s like when he found her uninvited at his front door - terrified of having her ruining everything inside.

For that reason, he downed his burning coffee - needing both the sting and the caffeine - and drove them silently to the office. He’s not sure she even notices his quiet, one because it’s normal at this point, and two, because she’s too busy humming along to the radio.

Getting into the building, immediately he hates it.

The guard greets her first and then him, someone asks her which button she needs pressing, her every waking second is going to be spent imposing on his home. His BAU.

As they got into the bullpen however, JJ spotted them first and walked over with a massive smile on his face, and he finally thought the day was going to get better. Until she hugged Maeve first and then him.

Leaving him mentally clocked out of their conversation as he feels himself having hugged Maeve through JJ, and he hates it.

Vaguely hearing her ask all about the month at college, and Maeve desperately wanting to catch up on all the cases she missed because of him. Then moving quickly on to ask about Will and the kids, and how everyone had been doing while they were gone.

There was a flash of blonde from the end of the corridor and Maeve grinned, bidding JJ a quick goodbye so that she could go find Garcia. Leaving him finally able to scowl at her back as she walked off, which JJ immediately caught onto, frowning up at him.

“Woah-- what’s up with you?”

He looked at her as if she was stupid, as if everyone around him were idiots for not seeing just how.. irritating Maeve is.

“She’s just.. annoying. Isn’t she irritating for everyone else?”

JJ blinked and he instantly knew he was in the minority on that opinion, even more so when they looked after Maeve and she was happily greeted by whichever agent walked past her.

“No? Maeve is actually really sweet. Why, did she do something?”

He didn’t answer, just stalking off to his desk, but it isn’t hard to connect the dots as to why he’s not overly fond of his new partner called Maeve.

It took a couple minutes before Maeve finally came to sit at her desk, and unfortunately, because they’re partners their desks are close to each other. Meaning he is, annoyingly, privy to all her conversations.

Unsurprisingly, she gets a decent amount of male attention, mostly from people that clearly don’t have a reason to being in the BAU bullpen besides wanting to come see her.

She either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, treating every conversation the same.

By the time the fifth guy in only forty minutes had left, he was starting to lose his mind. He can’t concentrate with the train of people clearly just waiting for her desk to be free to talk to her, much less the fifth time he’s heard these generic male coworkers going “see you later Osmond!” before disappearing.

Finally turning to look at her, where she was trying to get her work done before the next distraction came along.

“What have those guys been calling you?”

Looking up, she was genuinely surprised that he was talking to her. Honestly, she had been expecting the silent treatment and pretending she didn't exist until they either caught a case or had to drive home together.

“Uhm..” Typing the last of her sentence, she turned, spinning her chair slowly until she was free to completely look at him. “Osmond, why?”

He made a face, looking between her and the guy still slowly walking down the corridor. Seemingly catching him in the act as he glanced back, clearly wanting to see if Maeve was watching him, only finding Spencer glaring.

Snapping his head back to Maeve was a grimace on his face, as if he felt truly sorry for them.

“That’s.. the fifth time you’ve been called that. I know other departments are stupid, but how did they get from Maeve to Osmond?”

Honestly, whenever she hears him say her name, it’s like she gets whiplash. Like he smacked her in the face with her own name. She just isn’t used to it - considering he’s called her assistant for the past month.

“Oh, well, when I joined people kept fucking up Donnelly, not that I know how, and so I was just called Donny.” Alright, he could see that connection, but it doesn’t explain- “Penelope then caught on and she loved it. But a week later she called me Osmond and it just stuck. Everyone calls me that now.”

She doesn’t hate the nickname, but she certainly doesn’t like it either. By the grimace still on Spencer’s face, he likes it about as much as she does. So she just shrugged and leant back in her chair, unsure what else he was waiting for her to say.

“But.. why?”

Maeve gave him a deadpan look, and he still continued to frown at her, impatiently waiting for an answer. She honestly couldn’t believe that wasn’t enough for him to understand.

“As in.. Donny Osmond?”

“No, I don’t know who that is.”

Snorting out a laugh, she turned to face her desk again, going back to typing up the rest of her report. Shaking her head good naturedly at him.

“You need to get out more.”

Feeling Spencer scowling at her is absolutely a skill, knowing damn well whenever he’s pissed at her enough for it to show on his face is impressive. At the very least, the conversation seems to be over now, with him staying quiet.

Until he huffs softly, irritated, and turns to his own desk.

“Well I’m not calling you that, it’s stupid.”

“I know. Feel free to make your own nickname, I’m afraid the receptionist is already called ‘bitch’, so you’ll have to pick another. Sorry~”

Throwing an apologetic pout over her shoulder, making him scowl at her all over again, before both of them finally got back to work.

Evidently, she became too engrossed in her casework, not hearing Penelope call out about a briefing. She didn’t even realise that everyone had gotten up and started to make their way to the round table. Not until Spencer dropped the file into her lap.

“Get a move on Ave, or we’ll start without you.”

As he walks off, she gives herself a few moments to react to the new name. Ave. She’s not been called that before.. and she definitely likes it a hell of a lot more than Osmond. But no more than a few seconds.

Getting up and following after him, making sure to school her expression in a room full of profilers.

Dammit, just because he called her a nickname she actually likes doesn’t mean it changes how she feels about him. Or how he feels about her. They know it's a hatred, or a high dislike at most. It’s been a month, and it isn’t going to change any time soon.

Whatever, he’ll probably forget about it soon, it’ll all go back to normal.

Want more?! Good!

[spellcasterlight]

What’s one of your favorite tropes that you haven’t written for (or haven’t written for in a while)? If you want, write a little snippet about how you’d do it now.

Hi @full-frontal-lotus! Hi, friendddddd! 😁

Ooooooh! That's a good one! Not so much a trope but I have been thinking recently about trying to branch out and try a slightly darker-toned series because I've recently been on a Fallout binge.

I mean, I write Naruto stuff. If I got a bit better at writing things like violence (fight scenes specifically) or slow-creeping dread, I could do a lot more mission-type stories, which would be cool to explore!

Once I get through my current story request queue (I'm so close! Kinda🫠), I plan on releasing the next two bingo cards. The segment below will be the prologue to a FalloutAU one.

A not-completed, only-mildly-edited snippet is below!

Thank you for such a cool and sweet ask! 🎆

Ao3 ✨ |Story Request Bingo Cards 📖 | WIP Game Always Open ✒️| Ko-Fi ☕| Reblog Blog 🟢

Fallout AU Series: Chapter 1 - Prologue: War Never Changes

Warnings: Fallout Alternative Universe. Bombs. War. Minor Character Death.

Iruka wrote the number of current dead on the board, far higher than the two others combined. He forced his grip to tighten around the chalk in his hand to finish writing the last of too many digits.

“So,” he forced a pause to collect himself, feeling everyone's gaze in his direction but focused solely on the writing on the board, “the number of years each war is decreasing, but the death count is rising. What does that tell you?”

No one gave him a reply, not that he genuinely expected one. The room is so quiet the slight thud of him replacing his stick of chalk, sounding like one of the bombs they all feared, erupting decimation through their street, had already started to rain down.

Shikaku gave Iruka a subtle nod when he discreetly met the man's eyes. He agreed with how he made his point.

“Iruka Sensei.”

It took him a head shake and a few rapid blinks to realise that Sakura had spoken up. She was such a well-behaved student. Never cursing, handing in her homework on time and constantly raising her hand when she asked a question, but Iruka could see both her hands were occupied, one in both of her fathers and the other being grabbed onto by her mother so tightly all six of their hands looked ghost white. Hanging on to each other like a lifeline

“Yes, Sakura?”

“You never answered Ino before. Do you think the bombs will drop? Do you-do you think the world will-?”

Her sentence abruptly stopped when she what looked like painfully bit into her lip and bowed her head, both her dotting parents wrapping her in a hug; Mrs Haruno’s soft motherly reassurances floated on the otherwise silent air of it being okay, of everything being fine, that there was no need to cry. All lies.

Several of his more skittish and empathetic students looked at him with that same pleading in their eyes that Sakura had in her voice before it shattered.

In his classroom with him at that moment were some of the village's most amazing individuals, as well as some of the most broken children.

Gai Maito adopted two children with whom he had no possible connection and raised them to be healthy and loved when they were both too young to remember their parents, who would never return from the front lines. Tenten and Lee gripped one of his hands.

Shikamaru looked at his army battle hardened father with a wisdom beyond his years. Iruka, knowing that while he didn’t study for his Math or English tests, he skipped class to read thick tombs of battle strategies and inner army working, knowing his lineage was a path laid out for him and an important one he planned on continuing willingly.

All around the room, parents and children shared heartbroken, frightened looks. The three siblings from the Sand exchanged worried looks that the war would never end, that they would never be able to return home.

The prominent shining glaze of Fu’s eyes and shaking of her shoulders as she hugged herself and silence from the three from Kumogakure scared that the new home they had found would follow the ones they had already lost under a wave of never-relenting gunshots and explosions that created mountains of bodies of their former family, friends and fellow.

If the Land of Fire were flattened in bomb fire, there would be nowhere to start home number three and no one to start it with.

Iruka was a humble history teacher. He wasn’t a warrior or a great intellectual, and on some days, he didn’t even have the everlasting optimism that Gai Maito had. At that moment, he only had the ability to be honest with the children, nearly young adults, in front of him.

“I can’t see the future, Sakura,” he admitted, his voice barely holding together, only making the girl's green eyes cloud with more tears, “I can only tell you what history tells me. And it tells me war is violent-”

He turned back to the board, snatched the chalk back up, leaning into the spike of anger the conversation created to push on, and underlined the death toll for the First World War.

“devastating-”

He underlined the death toll for the Second World War.

“And-”

Finally, he underlined the death count for the Sound War before turning around.

“Continuous.”

[artinandwritin]

1， 10 & 11 ^_^

I was about 10 years old when I first got introduced to httyd, which was, funnily enough, not even through the movies. The first thing httyd i watched was the episode "how to pick your dragon" from riders of berk and I was immediately hooked, not realising there was a movie connecting to it. I ended up watching about two episodes that day and kinda kept it in the back of my mind for a few months, until httyd2 released and I went on vacation to Germany. One afternoon, we didn't have anything to do so I watched the first movie for the very first time on my mom's laptop and was obsessed. I connected the dots to the little show I had watched earlier and got even more obsessed and it's all downhill from there haha. I guess I had just never seen something with so much depth and such interesting topic (and dragons. i have been obsessed with dragons for the majority of my life so this was just everything i needed haha)

(I already answered 10 and 11 right... here! Ty sm for asking those tho!)

[moonless-if]

Hello, I just finished playing the Moonless demo! I have to say, the customization options are amazing — the number of options presented honestly threw me for a loop in the best ways possible. I had a blast designing my MC :D

I'm already so excited for what's coming next!! And... a little apprehensive. The game description says MC is an illune, a moonless guard under the royal family — which the current MC is quite obviously not. And the character description for Rainn flat out tells you that they're a figure from your past, and you'll be "reuniting" with them.

(And, from what I've gathered, the illune doesn't even exist yet.)

All things that don't bode well for the grand heist MC and Rainn will be embarking on. ...Well, that's a bit of an understatement. It's practically a stone cold guarantee that their heist will (one way or another) fail. And that MC and Rainn will somehow be separated, going on to lead very different lives in two very separate worlds.

😌😌😌✊🏽 I can already sense the incoming angst of their reunion. Yes, I'm apprehensive, but also. Angst. 😌✊🏽

I also really appreciate the variety of conversation choices you offer — playing an IF is so much more fun when you're allowed to build your character past the basic shy/bold/sarcastic responses :D

I can't wait to see what comes next! I The world you've built in the prologue alone already feels so full and alive. Getting to see it expand is a journey that I'm very happy to be a part of.

Do take your time, though! I'm well aware that writing and coding so many details and variables must take ages. We'll all gladly be waiting 😊 Good luck, and have a good day!! Ah, and though that was quite a few days ago, I'm glad your dog is okay! My best wishes to the two of you💙💙💙

hi and thank you for the ask! seeing it pop up in my inbox and reading about the dots you've connected really brightened my day! 💖

short answer is you're right about 99% of your theories and that makes me so happy! 😍 because while i do enjoy there being stuff to unravel and figure out, i don't want it to be entirely impossible to do it, so... yeah! mc is not an illune yet and the heist will fail no matter what you do (so don't feel bad about that) and mc and Rainn will go down separate roads until they're reunited again in chapter one (most likely ch1 at least)!

the order of illune does exist in the prologue, but it's in its infancy, so very small and not publicly known (mc and Rainn have no idea it exists for example).

i won't go too much into it since i hope it'll become apparent in the game why the order is unknown in the prologue, but the reason why i decided to make the prologue almost a prequel of sorts was both to establish a relationship with Rainn from the get-go, rather than that only coming up in possibly flashbacks or discussions with them further into the story, as well as establish how mc came to be recruited into the order of illune.

and oh yes, there will be angst between mc and Rainn. how much depends on how you want to play it, but you can't avoid it entirely. another reason why i actually wanted to write the prologue in the way i'm doing it, cause otherwise you'd reunite with Rainn again and i'd have to tell you what happened and make you decide in the moment how you feel about it, rather than building it in the prologue and then letting you stew in it for a bit.

when i first started writing the moonless, the prologue was just going to be a brief maybe like 2-5k words glimpse into all of this, but as i got into writing it the story felt very much like "this is mc and they did this and then this happened" and it just felt very inorganic. i realised that because only mc gets recruited and not mc and Rainn, i really needed to show how that happened (or half the reason at least) and why they fall out of touch and don't reconnect in the years between the prologue and chapter one.

and just like you've deduced, to get to that point, the heist will likely fail. honestly, i probably could've had a version where you succeeded with the heist and the rest still works out the way it should, but i don't wanna 😂 both because of the extra added work it would be and because that's not as interesting to me as making you auto-fail.

that's not to say there won't be some variation to how and more importantly when the heist fails 👀 there'll be lots of tiny variations that's basically just flavour text, but if you make it as far as you possibly can, and with the "correct" stats, there'll be a lil something extra in it for you (the reader) as repayment for you (mc) failing the heist 😎 i will put together a small guide on how to get to the "bonus content" for those who want it, but once i'm actually done writing it.

as far as customisation (both appearance and personality-wise) goes, i'm happy you feel like there are plenty of options! 💖 when i release the rest of the prologue (hopefully at the start of this summer, if i can keep up my schedule!) there will be some re-write of what's already out, but any appearance options that might disappear will come up later (i always planned for there to be a pt2 to character customisation in chapter one, for things that might've changed between the prologue and ch1, so if any options are missing, just know that they'll be added later!)

as far as personality/conversation options, those are being rewritten as well, but really only to add more choices, so hopefully the rewrite will only make it better! 🫣

like i said, i'm hoping to be done with the rest of the prologue by early summer, but i still have a ways to go. to compare, my detailed outline for the prologue is around 17k words, which is about the same length is what's already out of the demo lmao!

again, thank you so much for your kind words! it means a lot that you took the time to write down and send me your thoughts on the story, and it's a real shot of motivation for me to keep writing!

[crinkled-emotions]

Can you please do a Top Gun rooster one for “Let me take care of you. Please.” and “I know you hate being sick, but you need to let me care for you.”

Please work please work please work-

Hey anon! I was about to be like “I wrote this I think?” and then I went back and looked at it and I was like lmao I think I wrote the prompts separately for Rooster, but I don’t have anything on at the moment so I guess I can go again?

If you’re wondering where I’ve been lately- my askbox thinks it’s funny to either delete asks, or it just doesn’t post them no matter what I try! I’ve been working on this in the background and I have a couple other things on my mind.

This gif- I’m glad Jay is laughing lmao, because I’m like- Miles, dude. Are you good? The difference in their reactions pfft. I don’t wanna know. I am here to write sickfics not smut.

Maverick paused mid-lecture and his brows immediately furrowed when he watched Rooster grimace. Connecting the dots, Maverick sighed.

“Bradley, were you cleared by medical yesterday?”

The team had planned to get into the air and do some practice when Rooster had pulled out at the last minute, claiming he was feeling really intense pressure in his sinuses. Of course he hadn’t gone to see the doctor. Little shit.

When Rooster stared at the floor, silent, Maverick had his answer. He straightened his shoulders, trying to channel Ice’s Admiral Stance (tm). 

“Lieutenant Bradshaw, until you have been cleared by medical, you are excused from lectures and air drills.”

“Don’t pass go and don’t collect two hundred bucks,” Hangman muttered. From his spot across the aisle from Rooster, he watched his shoulders tense and his back straighten, moustache twitching ever so slightly when he glared at Maverick. Despite Rooster being bigger than him, Maverick seemed unbothered by the way Rooster’s hackles were up.

It made sense; Maverick had a hand in raising the man in front of him since he was four, of course he wasn’t intimidated.

“Go.”

Maverick was firm. Finally, Rooster got up and stormed down the aisle, letting the door slam behind him as he left the room. If it had been Admiral Simpson or Admiral Bates, it would have been a completely different story. Maverick rolled his eyes at his godson and an awkward silence fell over the crowd.

“I saw this tik tok the other day-”

“- what the fuck is a tik tok?” Maverick asked and Phoenix’s brows shot up. Bob was already scrambling for his phone and the awkwardness quickly dissipated.

-

Maverick gave Rooster the afternoon to settle whatever bitchy attitude he was having due to being sent out of class like a moody teenager, then decided he should probably go and check on him. Knowing Bradley Bradshaw and his fear of doctors, he'd mostly likely be wallowing in self-pity back at his place.

Sure enough, the Bronco was in the driveway and Maverick could see he'd opened one of the front windows to allow a gentle breeze through the house. A part of him wondered if Bradley cleaned the house with the same products Carole had when she'd lived at this same address twenty years ago.

God, had it really been that long since she'd passed? There was no way-

"What do you want, Maverick?"

Maverick jumped, realising Rooster had opened his front door and was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed. He'd changed from his uniform to jeans and a t-shirt, and other than a heavier flush to his cheeks than normal, he didn't appear all that sick. For a moment, Maverick wondered if he'd done the right thing grounding him.

"Well?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, kid."

"Great."

Rooster turned on his heel, about to close the door, but Maverick called out to him.

"Bradley, wait. Wait, B. Look, about earlier-"

"What about it? Thanks for that, by the way. Did you pass that on to Cyclone?"

Maverick raised an eyebrow. He hadn't seen his kid this bitchy since- since- since... since.

"Hey. What's going on with you?"

"You kicked me out of a TOPGUN lecture, Mav! I'm a little ticked!"

"Because you said you were going to the doctor yet you showed up to class and you were worse yet there was no mention of a doctor. Did you even fucking go, Bradley?"

Silence.

"Bradley. Did you go to the doctor yesterday?"

"No, okay? I didn't go."

"What did you expect me to do if you didn't go to the doctor, kid?"

"Look, can you just go? I'm fine, I'm gonna go once the base settles."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Maverick asked. Rooster stared at him for a moment, before he went into the house and the door closed. Maverick was not going to take his chances and follow for the time being.

-

Maverick went home and settled into his evening of dinner, a beer or two, then he caught up on some Australian off-road adventuring shows before he realised it was 11pm and he was at risk of falling asleep in his recliner like an old man.

If Bradley had seen that-

Bradley!

Maverick patted his pockets, trying to figure out where his phone was. When he located it on the kitchen island he checked his messages and found nothing. Not a peep from anyone, but especially not Bradley. Sighing, he pocketed the device and began switching everything off downstairs. Once the door was locked he searched for his glasses (another thing Bradley didn't need to know, alongside the reason for his papers being pulled-) before finding them under a book he probably wasn't going to read anytime soon. It just wasn't holding his attention.

Finally, he brushed his teeth and curled up in bed, sighing in relief at the crisp, cool sheets. For San Diego it was surprisingly still, no cool breeze coming in through the window, and Maverick had a feeling he was going to be kicking the covers off that night.

-

The night was toasty indeed, but Maverick managed to sleep through the whole thing without a nightmare or a fear of overheating in the warm air. He dreamt of him and Bradley having a beer together at the Hard Deck, sorting their shit out. He dreamt of Goose and Carole, and how much he loved them. How much he missed them, too. What they would do in this situation-

They never would have been in this situation. Carole dealt with teenage Bradley firmly but with a loving tone even when she knew her time was coming. Goose had missed most of Bradley's terrible two's but everything he had witnessed he'd managed with kindness.

He managed to drag himself out of bed, the ache in his back from the Darkstar ejection still irritating him a little. The doctor said there wasn't a lot they could do- it was stiff in the morning and when it got cold but most of the time he was okay so the Navy couldn't kick him out on a medical discharge just yet.

A glance at his phone told him Bradley had tried to call once last night, around 2am, and Maverick's heart rate picked up as he listened to the voicemail.

"Mav, uhm. Hey, I'm... I'm sorry about what I said, I- uh... look, the therapist says I have to be more honest, so I guess I was triggered by you kicking me out of class. It, uh, I... I think I was reminded of how I felt when you... when you y'know. Pulled my- when you... yeah. I- I''m okay, so don't freak out. I'll call you later but I had to say this now while I know you're asleep. I... I love you, Mav. I'm sorry."

He frowned, reaching for his uniform and jacket sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. While he dressed he tried to call Bradley back, check on how he was going, but it went straight to voicemail. Maverick decided that was a later problem considering how bitchy he'd been the day before. Coming down the stairs he tried again, only for it to go to voicemail again. He paused in the living area, staring at the lump on his couch.

"Bradley?!"

-

"Mav..."

"Hey, kid. When did you get here?"

"Uh, probably... 2am I think?"

Rooster sat up, letting the blanket fall to the floor as he scrubbed at his eyes. He was pale, hands shaking a little as he tried to stand but Maverick rushed over, putting his hands on Rooster's shoulders.

"Stay sitting kid, it's okay. You're okay."

"No, I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't- I don't know why-"

"I know you hate being sick, but you need to let me help you."

Rooster struggled against him for a moment but Maverick rubbed his back, frowning at the mild fever.

"Hey, hey. Let me take care of you. Please."

It was the gentle tone of Maverick's voice that made Rooster blink, and his shoulders slumped as he leaned back into the couch. Maverick sighed.

"Yeah, okay. Tell me what hurts and I'll call the infirmary."

"Thanks, Mav..."

[dilucids]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤCelebrity crush, Genshin boys idol! au

admitting you're their celebrity crush and their reaction to your reaction

includes: kaeya, diluc, zhongli and xiao

( can't stop thinking about idol! au genshin. any type of celebrity but it's hinted that you're a singer in xiao's. )

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 KAEYA ALBERICH ━━ FROSTWIND SWORDSMAN 〕

━━ this man is sooooo fucking slick with it.

━━ he'll slyly bring it up in an interview or a live with a smirk on his face and then act as if it never happened when someone questions him.

━━ his members just stares at him when he brings you up, knowing, that beneath that sly persona and nonchalant act, there was millions pounds worth of fan merchandise in his room.

━━ he would evade the subject and if it's an interview, the host would have to pry answers from his members instead as he sits there proudly with a smile on his face as his members tell his fan behaviour instead of him.

━━ in a live, he would somehow convince his fans they were hallucinating but someone would post the clip and everyone would just go ballistic, it'd be one of those "top ten things i can't believe kaeya managed to get away with: gaslighting his fans into believing they were crazy."

"Who's your favourite celebrity?" Kaeya reads out from the comments passing quickly through his Instagram live, he pretends to think. A smile forms on his face when he 'decides' on an answer, "probably [Name]."

He watches the comments speed through even quicker before changing the subject, dropping the matter as if it never happened. His fans are all freaking out though, wanting to get more details on his crush on the celebrity but Kaeya ignores all comments about the subject. They never die down though, only ending when Kaeya himself ends the live.

━━ you may have ended on the same show some time after him and the host brings it up ( 100% planned for views ).

━━ it makes you smile because you've already been informed about this topic by your fans and kaeya's.

━━ you'd end up thanking kaeya for the support and say that you've also been lowkey a fan of his group but you've never openly stated that to anyone.

━━ his fans and your fans immediately get to work and start tagging kaeya's insta/twitter, group and personal, under the clip of you shyly admitting you're a fan of his also and he goes mental.

━━ probably sits there watching the entire interview with a huge smile on his face, and it doesn't leave, not even after he finishes the interview ( bonus: diluc is very disturbed ).

━━ HUGE ego boost for the rest of the day. kaeya's normally very confident but he's extra confident, like starts strutting around like he's the shit and even had the balls to nod his head at diluc as if to say "what's up" with the largest shit eating grin on his face.

━━ diluc definitely thought he was picking a fight.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 DILUC RAGNVINDR ━━ DARKNIGHT HERO 〕

━━ more likely to come from one of his members than him.

━━ or he'd be very smooth with it, and brings it up rather subtly. it'd be a small "oh, i ingest their content and enjoy it" and he'd just continue about his day

━━ and his fans will still go insane because diluc actually enjoying something seems weird, especially another celebrity's work

━━ this would obviously reach you, who was an open fan of his group, and you'd freak out when you see it but wouldn't bring it up because he only said he enjoyed your work, not he was a fan.

━━ would definitely get questioned if he was being interviewed on a talk show, he wouldn't evade the question.

━━ he doesn't really see a point in lying, so he simply shrugs and tells the host that he is a fan and owns some merchandise.

"Diluc, a few fans are curious about your statement the other day," the host redirects the questions to Diluc, who raises an eyebrow. "Is it true that you're a fan of [Name]?"

The question makes his heart pick up a little, he leans back on his chair and clears his throat, composing himself before nodding. "I am a fan," the host seems happy by his response. The conversation continues to steer in this direction, asking Diluc if he had attended any fan meetings or merchandise, how he would feel if you two collaborated for a project and then finally ending once the host asks other members if they were fans of anyone.

━━ he thinks nothing of it, continuing with his day as usual but when he gets mentioned by your twitter? the man loses his shit.

━━ he sits there staring at his screen like he was hallucinating and literally tunes everything else out, staring at your little: "i'd love to work with you too!" message with a small smiley face at the end.

━━ he checks the account multiple times just in case it was one of his fans trolling him but clicking on the @ takes him back to your account so he gives in at some point

━━ he types out a normal, professional "thank you, i hope a time comes when we can collaborate" and "i look forward to more of your works" but he's still losing his shit.

━━ stays in his mind for at least a week.

━━ fans always bring up the fact that y'all never did end up collaborating.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 ZHONGLI ━━ VAGO MUNDO 〕

━━ the public is very aware.

━━ he's never made an attempt to hide how he is a fan, not even the massive poster in his room or the little keychain that he hangs on his bag nor the red eyeliner belonging to a makeup brand that you became a brand embassador for, also now one of his favourite brands.

━━ so no one is really surprised when he talks about you or your upcoming work, what is kinda surprising is when he straight up says that he says you're his ideal type.

━━ not because it's shocking that you'd be anyone's ideal type but because they didn't expect the out of the blue question from host and it's even more mind boggling when the man doesn't even stutter nor even think before just saying your name.

━━ members are sat beside him literally losing their shit in both negative ( scandals and shit ) and positive ( it's fucking hilarious ) ways as he just blinks.

━━ he doesn't even look the slightest bit worried as he stares dead straight through the host's head.

━━ obviously scandals emerge, there are positive and negative reactions. some people suddenly realise how good you two would look together and others are mad you "stole" their man because we have delulus in all fandoms.

"So Zhongli," the host starts before clearing his throat, obviously a tad uncomfortable under the eldest member's sudden gaze, "who is your ideal type?" The members also seem curious, as they stop their interactions, staring over at their unusually emotionless member.

One member laughs, waving the question off as a joke and as a way to avoid any possible scandals, knowing that Zhongli wouldn't filter his words due to his lacking understanding of social cues. "C'mon, there's no way that he has an id━━"

"If I had to say, then [Name] suits my preferences." The member who tried to wave it off blinks, staring at Zhongli like he just murdered someone and other members laugh. The host seems pleasantly surprised, peering at the camera with a raised eyebrow and a certain look on his face. The entire studio never gets over it.

━━ it's brought to your attention on twitter because twitter is usually where shit goes down.

━━ you've always been aware that zhongli has been a fan but you've never been able to speak up about it due to your management.

━━ luckily for you, your contract with your previous strict company had ended just a while ago and under your new management, you were more free to do whatever you wanted.

━━ so obviously, you quote tweet the video, tag his account and say in a jokingly way that he should take you out on a date first.

━━ he doesn't publicly reply to your tweet because he already got in trouble with his management for answering such a risky question anyways and your tweet is a little too suggestive.

━━ but he also wants you to know he has seen the tweet. so his solution? to slip into your dms.

━━ and all of a sudden, the next time you're both seen together, you're besties? so people started connecting dots and shit, were they good at connecting them. moral of the story: never underestimate zhongli fans because collectively, they may be able to beat zhongli in an iq test.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 XIAO ━━ CONQUEROR OF DEMONS 〕

━━ best believe this man got death threated or held at gunpoint into admitting you're his celebrity crush.

━━ or he didn't do it at all and his members confessed for him just to tease him.

━━ happens on a group live, members are just vibing.

━━ xiao is sat in the back somewhere, scrolling through his phone with his earphones in so he doesn't notice his members shifting the camera to him or jumps onto him whilst holding the camera.

━━ when he does notice though, he takes out his earbud and your song just blARES through his earphone and it's fucking loud.

━━ he immediately turns it down but his fellow member already has this shit eating grin on his face and jumps onto xiao, successfully grabbing his phone and showing the live of 100k+ people.

━━ his homescreen is one of those "boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material" lockscreens of you and it shows that your song had been playing.

━━ xiao literally attacks his members and grabs his phone back, walking off to escape the embarrassment but can hear the echoing laughter as he walks down the hallway and slams his door closed.

Xiao lets out a sudden 'oompf' when his members glomps right ontop of him, grinning widely as they held up a camera to show off themselves and Xiao. Glancing at the camera, Xiao takes off an earbud, freezing when a loud upbeat tune echoes throughout the open area. Xiao ignores the feeling of his face heating up and turns down the song, ignoring the obvious gleeful stare of his member.

Almost on instinct, he moves his phone away but curse his parents for their genes because all it takes is a little stretching for his member to have his greasy fingers all over his phone, ripping it out of his hands and immediately running away to shield themselves from the wrath of all 5" and a bit of Xiao. When they deem it safe, they click on the home button of the screen, grinning amused at the homescreen.

"Look at fanboy Xiao!" And just like that, Xiao's cold demeanour had been shatteres infront of a plethora of people.

━━ you find it one of the most endearing things ever.

━━ literally how could you not? you find pride in yourself to have such a popular member of an idol group enjoy your work and it helps gain a little more confidence in yourself.

━━ it's brought up on a talk show kinda casually where the host is one of your friends so they are slightly teasing you for it all the whilst remaining on the professional side.

━━ and it's obvious to say that you're embarrassed by the way you chuckle and mess with your fingers and hair, but you hold yourself together anyways and manage a sweet "thank you for the support" to xiao when the host asks if you wanted to say something in case he was watching.

━━ and the very next day, on xiao's official instagram, he has a signed album and poster of yours, tagged and everything.

[shslrose]

SDR2 Boys React to You Flinching (Part Two)

Hajime, Kazuichi, and Izuru react to you thinking their going to hit you.

Hajime Hinata

Your boyfriend, Hajime Hinata, had visited you at your dorm in the Main Department building at Hope’s Peak Academy. What started out as a casual conversation quickly dissolved into a heated argument when Hajime started talking about how he needed to transfer out of the reserve department.

“Damnit, Y/N!” Hajime cursed. “Why can’t you see how important this is to me?”

“Hajime, please just listen to me,” you begged, trying to get him to see your side. “Talent isn’t everything!”

“That’s easy for you to say!” He exploded. His words increased the tension in the room tenfold, and you had a feeling things were about to get worse from here. 

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, almost daring him to continue. He held your gaze, refusing to back down. The look in his eyes was so intense, it was almost hard to look at him.

“You’re an Ultimate!” He spat, as though it were an insult. “You have no idea what it’s like, not having talent…!”

You had never heard him this fired up before, and it was starting to worry you. He sounded so… resentful. The intensity of it all almost scared you.

“What, are you jealous of me?” You asked. “Hajime, you need to understand that there are more important things than having an Ultimate talent.”

“I’m not jealous! But you… you don’t even value your talent!” His voice shook as he shouted. “I-It was a dream for me! To have a talent I could take pride in! To walk through Hope’s Peak Academy as an Ultimate! You… don’t deserve to be an Ultimate!”

As he spat those last words, he threw his hand up in frustration. Acting on pure instinct, your entire body tensed and you squeezed your eyes shut in fear.

“Y/N…?” He called out to you. “You..You flinched…? Y/N, I would never-”

“Please…” Your words were so soft, he almost didn’t hear them. “Just go.”

“What?” He sighed. An overwhelming feeling of guilt ran over him as he noticed the tears welling up in your eyes.  “I-I can’t just leave you, I mean, you’re crying! I...I made you cry.”

Gently, he wrapped his arms around you. He held you tight as he whispered apologies in your ear.

Kazuichi Soda

When the argument started, you had been spending some time with your boyfriend, Kazuichi, in his room. He been acting so possessive all day, and when you finally asked him what’s wrong, he admitted that he was upset about how much you had been hanging out with a certain classmate of yours. 

“Kaz, it’s not a big deal,” you insisted. “Just chill, alright?”

“How can I chill when my girl is spending all her time with some other guy?!” Kazuichi exclaimed, over-enthusiastic as always. “I swear, I’ll put him and his hamsters six feet under!”

“You need to calm down, Kaz.” You said. “Like I said, it’s not a big deal, we’re just friends.”

“Miss Y/N, you just don’t get it!” He said. “He’s a teenage boy, you know!”

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” You questioned, your face burning at his suggestive words.

“Well… you know… like, when a teenage boy looks at you, he’s only gonna be thinking about one thing!” He said, blushing as he spoke. 

“Kazuichi, how can you say that?” You said. “Just because you’re a pervert doesn’t mean Gundham is!”

“H-Hey, why are you defending him?” Kazuichi asked. “I mean, c’mon, do you have a crush on him or something?!”

“You’re being irrational, Kaz.” You insisted. “He and I are just friends!” 

“Oh, he’s your friend, is he?” Kazuichi scoffed, as he puffed his chest. “Well then, since the two of you are such good friends, maybe you just date him instead!”

“Fine.” You retorted, fed up with this stupid argument. “Maybe I will.” 

You got up and started to storm out of the room. The moment your fingertips grazed the doorknob, you felt your hand get snatched back. Kazuichi let go of your hand as you turned to face him, and you watched as he leaned forward, placing his palm against the door, effectively pinning you against it while making sure it would stay shut.

“Kazuichi?” You gasped. 

“Why are you being like this?!” He growled, his jealousy having reached new heights. 

“Let me leave!” You yelled, the hint of desperation in your voice left unnoticed. He pulled his hand back off the door, but in your peripheral vision, you could have sworn his hand was going to strike you. Without thinking, you shut your eyes, hard, and let out a soft gasp. Kazuichi watched as you fell back against the door as you flinched.

Kazuichi had never felt more confused in his life. It took him a moment to even register what had happened. His eyes widened when all of the dots finally connected in his mind.

“Miss Y/N...did you think I was going to...ugh, I can’t even say it,” he paused for a moment before continuing. “I’d never hurt you, ever! Ya know that, don’t you?”

“I-I’m sorry, Kaz,” you apologized, but he quickly shook his head.

“No! I’m the one who should apologize, Miss Y/N! I got so worked up, just cause I was feeling jealous… so, it’s my fault! Please, forgive me!”

Kazuichi would continue to apologize, continuously, for the next several hours. 

Izuru Kamakura

Your childhood friend, Hajime Hinata, was gone. In his place was someone different, someone whose entire existence confused you. 

In a way, he could say the same thing about you. Everything about your existence confused him. Normally, he felt nothing but boredom and indifference. But when he met you for the first time…

“Hajime?!” You exclaimed, partially out of joy to see your old friend and partially out of shock at his appearance. 

“No.” The man who stood before you replied calmly. “The one called Hinata Hajime is gone. I am Izuru Kamakura.”

“...huh?” You felt confused as you tried to understand.

“Did you know him?” Izuru asked, but he already knew the answer. He could tell by your tone, the sweetness in your voice as you had called out his old name. There was also the fact that when he looked at you, he felt… something. Something he had never felt before. Something he couldn’t identify. He realised quickly that whatever it was, it must be some leftover remnant of Hajime’s feelings.

This feeling… he thought to himself. I like it.

That was a while ago. You’ve been by his side ever since. He still found you boring, like everything else in this world, but from time to time you managed to surprise him.

Most of the time you spent together was spent in silence. Izuru always seemed to know what you were thinking anyways, so talking was mostly pointless; and whenever the two of you did talk, you were the one who started the conversation. But today, as the two of you walked side by side through the streets of Towa City, he spoke to you.

“Did you love him?” Izuru asked you.

“What?” You could feel his gaze trained on you, observing your every movement as he made deductions in his mind.

“Hajime.” He stated plainly, and for a second you swore you saw a flash of annoyance in his eyes. “Did you love him?”

“Did I...wait, what?” You mumbled, unable to think straight.

“Are you truly going to make me ask again?” His voice did not waver. “You really are dull.”

“I-I’m not dull!” You defended yourself. “That’s just.. I mean, why would you even ask something like that?!”

“I’m...curious.” He stated, his voice seemingly as calm as ever, and for the first time, he looked away from you. It was relieving to not have his eyes on you while you thought of a reply, but you couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking.

“Curious?” You asked, but he said nothing back. Sighing, you decided to continue. “Yes. I...I loved him, I guess. He was my childhood friend...my best friend...how could I not?”

Still, Izuru said nothing. You looked to the side and noticed that Izuru was no longer next to you. He had stopped walking a few steps back. You turned around, and walked towards him until the two of you were standing face to face.

Sharply, he raised his hand. A gasp left your lips as you closed your eyes, bracing for an impact that never came. A moment passed and you opened your eyes; his hand was mere inches away from your face.

“Izuru…?” You asked. He had done it on purpose, you realized. “Why did you..?”

“You love him.” Izuru stated. “But, you fear me.” 

“That’s not it…” You said, breathlessly. “I’m not afraid of you, Izuru.”

“You should be.”

-----------

a/n - thank you so much for reading! requests are currently open so send some in :D 

[theshelbyclan]

Brotherly Discomfort

Summary: After ‘the talk’, your brothers are adamant to protect you, but you throw yet another curveball their way. Part 2 to Growing Pains

(Gif by @nofckingfighting​)  A/N: This is part 2 to my most popular fic Growing Pains and I used anon’s request: Could you do a Shelby sis story where she’s a lesbian and in love with a woman and her family doesn’t know. The family is trying to get her into an arranged marriage with a man and she can’t figure out how to tell them she’s a lesbian cause she feels they won’t except her? Sorry if that’s too much. Love your writing so much btw!! Thanks for this request babes, hope I did it justice :)  Words: 2387

*** “Right, Y/N, sit down,” Tommy sighed deeply and pointed at a single chair by the kitchen table, “We need to talk.” As you sat down, three brothers loomed over you. Tommy lit a cigarette like his life depended on it, Arthur couldn’t stand still if his life depended on it and John seemed to have forgotten what his life actually depended on, so he just stood there, unsure of everything. “We’re having another talk,” you stated. The last one, only a few days ago, was still fresh in your mind. 

“We are,” you brother confirmed. Arthur took off his cap like he was attending a funeral and stumbled, “We, uhm… We’ve had an idea.” “Christ,” Polly mumbled from behind her newspaper and you couldn’t agree more. “The thing is,” John finally spoke, “We’ve been worried after we… talked.” “Right,” you nodded, “Because of he subject of our conversation?” “It’s not just that!” your brother continued, with a slight frantic edge to his voice, “You’re growing up, but you’re still running around with the dogs at all hours. You won’t listen to anyone, do whatever you please…” Tommy continued where John faltered, “The truth is, Y/N, you’re getting to be too wild.” “Oh, fuck off, Tom,” and you got up with every intention to leave the room. “Sit down,” he said sternly, “We can’t have another Ada situation.” “Situation?” your eyebrows shot up, “What do you fucking mean by a fucking situation?” “The baby, Y/N,” Arthur explained. “I’m sorry,” you were boiling inside now, “but please explain: was the baby the problem or the man she had the baby with the problem? Or possibly, maybe, the fact that you three had no say in the matter?!” “That’s not the point,” John could feel this conversation wasn’t going as planned, “The thing is we couldn’t stop it!” Polly scoffed behind you, so at least you felt like someone was on your side. After a few moments of silence, your anger got the better of you and you slammed a hand down on the table in a very Tommy manner, “So what did you three fucking geniuses come up with?” Tommy pointed at you menacingly, “You fucking watch your mouth. You may be sixteen but I will still wash your mouth out with soap if you don’t mind that tongue…” “Minding my tongue…” you repeated, rolling your eyes, “Fine. So, what’s the plan? Arthur? John? Are we going back to the old ways and am I being married off to some good gypsy boy?” You turned around at Polly and laughed at your own joke, but when the room fell silent once again, you realised you’d hit the jackpot. Arthur had known you since the day you were born. He’d been twelve at the time and he could recognise every little expression on your face. Like when you were little, you used to scrunch up your nose just before you were about to cry for hunger. Or when you were sad, a small wobble in your chin just before the tears. Or when you were angry, a wrinkle in your forehead gave away the tantrum that was about to follow. This was happening right now. So he held up both hands and said, “Y/N, he’s from a good family…” “Nope,” you said, adamantly. “He is,” John confirmed gently, “and he has horses.” “Fucking no,” you shook your head. Tommy sighed, “We already made the deal.” “You promised your sister, just like that. That’s low, even coming from you, Thomas,” Polly’s cold voice sounded. If there was one person who could break his tough exterior, it was his aunt, “Well, what the fuck should we have done, Pol? Let her run wild, like you, eh?” But you stood up and walked over to Tommy. This was the man who had raised you, cared for you and disciplined you most of all, but right now, none of it mattered. So you slapped him hard, once. “Undo it Tommy,” you hissed, “Undo it or I’ll fucking cut you.” In the background you could hear Arthur mumble at once, “Okay, we’ll undo it…” “Give me one good reason,” your brother’s face, now only inches away, remained emotionless. You sighed and decided to throw all caution to the wind. “Anna,” you said, calmly. “What?” John asked immediately. So you repeated, voice raised, “Anna!” Three frowning brother stared at you, not understanding at all. “Remember when you asked me what hisname was, last week?” you called out exasperated. “’John’, wasn’t it?” Arthur looked at you. “No, it wasn’t fucking ‘John’, Arthur, she just said so,” John explained to his oldest brother. Tommy lit another cigarette, “What’s your point, Y/N?” You pointed at your neck where the nearly faded hickey could still be seen if you knew, “The name of the girl who gave me this is Anna.” “That would be bloody fantastic actually, because we wouldn’t have to worry anymore about a baby situation…” John squinted, “I think she’s serious…” “Oooooh fuck…” Arthur sighed, suddenly connecting the dots; “We’ve been keeping an eye on the wrong fucking people, John.” But John burst out laughing, “Didn’t see that one coming, did you, Tommy?” Slowly, your brother sat down and started smoking his second cigarette, “Pol, contact Madame Ross, tell her the wedding is off.” But Aunt Polly was having none of it, “You got us into this mess, you can fix it.” And then fear settled suddenly into the pit of your stomach. You looked at Tommy and asked softly, “Are you mad?” “Nope,” he said, head dropped down into his hands. “Disappointed?” “No, I’m not disappointed. But you should’ve told us, eh?” You shrugged, “Didn’t think you’d… approve.” “Why?” John asked, “We don’t care that you like women.” And all the love you had in you went out to your brother in that very moment. “Y/N,” Arthur started and he looked so angry that uncertainty took over again, “Why the fuck did you not tell us before we… explained?” “Because it was hilarious,” Polly commented unhelpfully. John started giggling again, “Fucking unnecessary is what it was.” “Arthur?” you asked, fear seeping into your voice. He sighed deeply, fidgeting with his hat, “It’s not the women, Y/N, I don’t care about that. It’s you and… anyone really. I don’t like the idea of you with anyone. Remember when she used to play with the coals, remember John?” “Yeah, I remember,” John smiled. “Black like the night she’d be!” Arthur remembered out loud, “Sweet and innocent.” “Well, she’s not anymore,” Polly sipped her tea. “I fucking see that and I don’t like it,” you eldest brother’s smile faded quickly. “Right,” Tommy raised his head again, “Guess we need to change our approach.” “There really no need…” you started. But he continued, ignoring you, “So you like girls, eh?” “Yep,” you confirmed meekly. “Only girls?” You nodded, “Well, one in particular.” Arthur looked at Tommy like he would have all the answers, “Now what, Tom?” You could now start to see the humour in all of it. Your brothers’ faces were an absolute picture! John could hardly contain his laughter, Tommy looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders and Arthur was filled with the absolute dread at another conversation like the one you had last week. “Oh, come on!” John called out, “I’m sure we could offer some advice!” He winked at you and a smile spread across your face. “Yeah!” you said, “I mean you all like women, right? This should be even easier!” “It’s not,” Arthur muttered. “I like women,” John said to no one in particular. “What about you, Tommy?” you asked your brother sweetly. But he just rolled his eyes and continued smoking. A part of you wanted to joke about him and Alfie, but you decided against it at the last second. “Horses?” you ventured, “Tommy, any advice on this with the famous analogy of horses? “Horses don’t really…” he waved a hand, coughed and stopped talking all together. “Well, at least you don’t have to be afraid of her getting pregnant,” John said to Arthur, who was as white as a sheet now. “That’s right,” he replied in a low voice, “but that’s my entire speech out the window, because there’s no waiting ‘till bloody marriage either…” “Well,” you tried to comfort your older brother, “You did offer me some good advice the last time, Arthur. You said there was no hurry and to not do it unless I wanted to?” “Right! I did say that. That, yes, it still stands!” Arthur looked around the kitchen triumphantly. “And John,” you continued, “you said to not put anything in my mouth unless I wanted to. Sound advice that was, now more than ever!” “Fucking hell,” Arthur crumbled again, “I can’t do this again. Tom, say something.” “Women….” Tommy started off vaguely waving his cigarette around, “they want love.” “We do.” “And they always want to take things slow.” “Can you imagine?” John interrupted, “Two women together? Must take ages…” “You’d be surprised…” you started, but when you saw your other brothers’ faces, you shut your mouth quickly. Tommy glared daggers at his brother and then turned to you, “How did you become an expert all of a sudden, eh?” “Talked to Ada,” you shrugged. “You talked to Ada…” he repeated lowly and threw his head back. “Wait,” John said suddenly, “Is this why you hate wearing dresses?” “Or why you drink whiskey like a man?” Arthur added, carefully. “That’s just because she’s a Shelby,” Polly explained matter-of-factly. “Or why you never sit on chairs?” John continued, “Or hang out at the factory all the time! Or why you always talk about votes for women…” You held up a hand to stop your brother, “None of that has anything to do with me liking women, John. That’s just… me.” “So what does have to do with you liking women?” your other brother asked in his typical low voice. “Me liking women…?” “So how does it work exactly?” John furrowed his brows, “Like, without… a man there?” “John,” Arthur warned him with a grumble. “Well, both people are enjoying themselves, for starters…” you replied in earnest. “Fucking hell,” the eldest interrupted, “She’s turning into Ada, she bloody is.” “Have you never seen two women together, Arthur?” you asked innocently, “Not even in London?” “They’re all mad bastards down in London, Y/N, the things I’ve seen there…” “Well, imagine me now.” Tommy had just taken a sip of his whiskey and practically choked on the spot, “That’s fucking it. You’re not to go near the BSA again!” “Why?” you called out, “It’s not like all the women in the world are gathered at the BSA!” “I will not have you behaving,” he struggled to find the words but finally spit, “like those fucking women in London!” “Don’t worry, Tommy,” you tried to comfort him, “I’m still… we haven’t actually…” “Oh, thank God,” Arthur sank down in his chair. “Well, when you do, just be gentle, alright?” John offered some advice, “And light a candle! Women love candles.” “Candles, check,” you noted. Tommy downed his whiskey, recomposed himself and added, “And make sure they’re in the mood first…” “To get ‘happy’,” you said, “like Arthur said last time,” “Yes,” he sighed deeply.

“Cut your nails,” John said out of the blue, “Esme told me.”

Arthur turned to his brother, “What the bloody hell do nails have to do with anything?”

“Well, it’s for when you…”

But Tommy silenced you with a gesture, “Please, Y/N, don’t.”

“Right,” and the quiet returned in the small kitchen. Well, at least now they knew, so that terrifying bit was out of the way. Apart from that, you weren’t quite sure if this was going great, because your brothers seemed absolutely petrified and slightly annoyed at your sudden revelation. Maybe it would’ve been better if you hadn’t told them. Then again, marrying a ‘good gypsy boy’ was the last thing you wanted in life. So maybe you could lighten the mood just a little.

“I have a better idea,” a sudden glint came into your eyes, “How about I offer all of you some advice!” The tables had turned already and this couldn’t possibly get any more awkward.

“Nope,” Arthur stood up and promptly marched out of the kitchen, talking to himself, “I can’t. That’s my baby sister and I just fucking can’t...”

“Arthur, where are you going?” Polly called after him, mirth clearly audible in her voice. And he replied, “I’m going to find this Anna, make sure she’s from a good family…” And then he was gone.

Tommy looked from you to Polly for a few seconds before he cleared his throat and mumbled something about business. Polly smirked at you and his face was full of annoyance at it all, “I need to get back to Dangerous. The horse. Tell me some other time, eh?”

“Tommy,” you asked carefully, “Are you sure you’re not mad about me liking women?”

“Princess, I honestly don’t give a fuck who you like,” he said, while putting on his coat and hat, “I just want to meet this Anna and if she hurts you, I’ll still kill her. None of that has changed, eh?”

This was strangely comforting to you.

And just as you were about to offer some unwanted advice, he left the kitchen in a hurry and called over his shoulder, “If you have any questions, Ada apparently has all the fucking answers!”

So you turned to your aunt, “That went well, didn’t it?”

“At least the wedding’s off.”

“Thank fuck,” you smirked and Polly smiled at you encouragingly, “You don’t mind, Aunt Pol, do you?”

“I’m with Tommy,” she said returning to her stern voice, “The fact that it’s a woman won’t make me hesitate.”

“Right,” you nodded, “She makes me happy, though.”

“Good,” Aunt Polly continued to read the newspaper, “Bring her over for tea. Let’s make the boys really uncomfortable, shall we?”

Still laughing, you stood up with the intention of getting on with your homework, when you suddenly noticed John was still sitting on the chair in the back of the kitchen.

“What do you want?” you asked him bluntly.

“I’m waiting,” he said, hands upturned, “You promised me some advice, remember?”

***

Masterlist

[dracosathenaeum]

Great Love Story | Final Part | DM

#A/N: Apologies for the long wait, with what went down the other night and overall writers block this took far longer than I expected. I hope this is a satisfying ending for everyone who’s been reading so far!! Let me know what you thought of it overall!! Also this chapter is dedicated to @slytherinwh0re and Voldemort’s feet :3

Warnings: swearing, violence, food, mentions of strangling and sex

Word Count: 2,781

PART 1 | PART 2

Waking up alone in that empty bed had perhaps been worse than when Draco had broken up with you. You had left his room that time thinking he had left you because he had lost all feelings for you. This time, he had left even though you knew of his true feelings, feelings that he couldn’t hide. Jealousy was never easy to hide for Draco, but luckily for you it just showed that he still cared for you.

You had spent days after he had left you with nothing but second thoughts in your head, debating with yourself whether or not he was worth it. You could’ve walked away and let that last night be a mistake, leave it to be the final moment of closure between the two of you (if you could even call it closure).

But no, learning from mistakes apparently wasn’t an option for you.

You just wanted the truth, was what you told yourself as you wrapped a green tie around your neck; not revenge, just the truth.

“Remember all you have to do is walk past Draco and smile at me from across the hall a couple times. He’ll be able to connect the dots from that alone.”

The older Slytherin looked at you with a smirk on his face, “If I knew all I had to do was swap ties with you and walk past Malfoy to have someone do my potions essay for me I would’ve offered my services years ago.”  You had been lucky enough to have found (bribed) someone to help you pull the truth from Draco, even if you weren’t too fond of the person himself. You were up for playing the long game though you doubted Draco could resist interfering before long.

You ran your fingers through his soft locks, ruffling them up a little before unbuttoning both of your top buttons to make it seem more realistic. “You know, if you wanted to make it authentic, we could just actually get with each other? I wouldn’t mind rubbing it in Malfoys face that I got with his girl.”

Retracting your hands from his shirt, you grimaced, “This is enough, thank you Adrian.” You were only being polite since he was helping you out; the second you no longer needed him you would make sure he knew you’d never be interested in him.

“Come on, before they all finish eating before we’ve even gone in.” You walked into great hall, head held high and hand gripped in a clammy hold. As much you had hated how Draco’s hands had always been cold, you suddenly found yourself missing them greatly.

You let go of his hand and the both of you walked your separate directions but that was all you needed. You sat down with your friends and watched as Theo pointed out your tie and then the person who had yours. You didn’t even both keeping your gaze on their table for Draco’s reaction, something would come sooner or later.

“y/n, uh, are you sure this is a good idea? I know if sucks, but he’s clearly moved on, I don’t think making him jealous will work when he looks at Pansy like that.”

He hadn’t told you he loved you the other night, nor had he let you say it, but his love language was never with words. The way he held you, the careful touches and well-placed kisses, those were what made you believe there was still hope, and if not, at least an actual explanation rather than fucking you into the oblivion only to leave you before the sun was awake.

You knew he loved you still, but perhaps there were now two in his heart. Your eyes wondered back to the Slytherin table, expecting him to be glaring holes into the side of your head or arguing with the boy who had your tie around his neck, but no. He had his eyes trained on Pansy’s eyes, his fingers playing with a strand of her perfect hair. Grace was right, you had no chance when he was looking at Pansy with stars in his eyes. Though perhaps that was your answer itself. Your plan had been perfect, you had just executed it around the wrong people.

//

He had fucked up once, he wasn’t about to do so again; not when the stakes were so high. His one moment of jealousy causing him to lose control had only furthered his resolve to not do so again. It simply wasn’t worth the risk.

He would only take partial blame though, his twit of a partner clearly wasn’t as sneaky as she had claimed to be, one slip up each was already more than allowed and although they both knew, it seemed only Draco was taking it seriously.

Talking to Pansy had been less than helpful, “She could’ve joined in.” being her only response, her red painted lips curling into a smile that made something in his stomach tighten. Perhaps he was the fool to expect more from her.

Her shortcomings and the disappointment he felt of his own lack of self-control had perhaps been the only thing to stop him from punching the shit eating grin off the rat who you had decided to use to pull a reaction from him.

He had been with you just three nights ago and he knew you, knew you inside and out. The hickeys on your neck were his marks and all 3 of you knew that; swapping ties with some poor sucker and ruffling his hair wasn’t going break him. Not by a long shot.

It had taken him everything that night outside the room of requirement to not push you in and take you until you remembered you could only feel that way for him, yet he had managed to spit out the word whore and swallow the instant regret, grimacing at the memory of your palm striking his face.

He had done all that to have his weak heart ruin it when he found you with Theo.

He had almost ruined everything.

But yet again his weak, traitorous heart failed him when he found himself with his fist across someone’s face.

//

You had kept your eyes trained on the food in front of you to prevent the temptation of causing yourself any more pain, instead working your brain on how best to get Draco alone and on how best to procure some veritaserum (was that even legal?).

Throwing back the last of your pumpkin juice, you gave a quick goodbye to your friends before you all but ran to the library in attempts to look for some answers. Well you had tried getting to the library; you had been barely halfway through the great hall when Adrian had seemingly appeared from thin air, his hand on your upper arm pulling you to a stop.

“So when do I get my compensation for this favour?”

You didn’t know what it was, but the way he looked and spoke to you had the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. He had leant in, warm puffs of air blowing across your ear as he spoke to you. Not the kind that had you melting in Draco’s arm, but the kind that had you wanting to turn and run, but his bruising hold on your arm wasn’t about to let that happen.

“The Slytherin prince looks like he’s about to murder me, I think I deserve more than an essay. Let me fuck you and we’ll call it even.”

The joy in your chest from hearing that your plan had worked was quickly replaced with the most revoting feeling, you physically gagged and wondered why no one intervened as you had physically recoiled from him. Draco may not have been many people’s first picks, you wouldn’t try to hide his faults, but he at least had some respect and dignity.

Your mouth fell open, not sure if you should slap him across the face or swear at him until he got the point.

“The audacity-”

“If I ever see you within 100 meters of her again, I’ll make sure you’ll never be able to fuck again.” Yet again another Slytherin has seemingly appeared from thin air, cutting off you off before you could even say what you wanted to say. Adrian had been smart enough to let go of you the second he had heard Draco’s voice, but it didn’t make up for the fact he had been stupid enough to act.

You strode out the doors of the great hall as soon as you remembered how to use your legs, catching Draco’s his fist connecting with Adrian’s face out of the corner of your eye; the sickening crack of the collision was enough to bring a smile back on your face. That and the fact Draco had yet again shown his true colours, now you just needed to know why he was hell bent on hiding them and hurting you both.

You hadn’t realised how lost in your own thoughts you had been in until you found yourself in the courtyard with a blonde Ravenclaw waving happily at you.

“Hi y/n! Isn’t it beautiful out today? I wanted to take Pansy on a picnic, but you understand why that’s not quite possible yet.” You hadn’t expected to run into Luna so soon, though you avoiding her out of sheer embarrassment had definitely been a major factor of that.

“You’re okay being the ‘other woman’? Luna you deserve so much more than that.” The two of you weren’t particularly close (other than when you had seen her being sent to heaven by Pansy’s fingers), but she felt an obligation like any other person might’ve.

“Other woman? I thought Pansy said you two had made up again? They're just faking it for you-know-who. I guess Draco had to be stricter since he has his secret task, but it’s odd he’s taking so long to tell you.”

You blinked. You remembered how to breathe again and then the anger came.

“I have to go but thank you Luna, I owe you.” You didn’t have time to come up with a speech or a plan, you would just find him and do whatever your impulses led to.

You were going to make him repent for every second lost, for every ounce of heart ache you felt and then you’d have him beg for you, if you managed to not strangle him first that was.

You ended up pounding on the doors to the dungeons when he had been nowhere else. With each place you searched resulting with him not being there, your anger built, the frustration worse than it had ever been.

“Jeez woman, is someone dead?”

“No but with that look it looks like someone’s about to be.”

The doors had opened revealing a far too happy Pansy and Theo, clearly enjoying how mad you seemed to be. You didn’t waste a second, pushing past the both of them to see Draco sat casually on one of the leather sofas, clearly bragging about how he had just punched Adrian.

“You had no right!”

As if it wasn’t enough that The Dark Lord was walking around his home barefoot and threatening his family’s lives; his ex-girlfriend was now going to kill him. Well, he’d rather die by her hands than his any day.

“You still haven’t told her?” You hadn’t even heard Pansy come up behind you, hand coming to rest on your shoulder. For everyone else it seemed like a jealous ex-girlfriend causing drama, a sharp look from Draco had sent everyone scrambling as he mumbled a silencing charm under his breath.

“If you want me to apologise for punching Pucey, I would rather you slap me again.” He was still lying to you. Your hands curled around his collar, pulling him up from his casual lounging across the sofa.

“Luna told me everything. You had no right to make that kind of decision for me. Who else knew?” You watched as the colour drained from his face, you turned to see Pansy, Theo and Blaise quickly avert their gazes. The three of them clearly thought they would be watching you shout at Draco for punching Adrian as they quickly found other places to be once they realised your true intentions.

“Can we actually talk now without you running off with your so-called girlfriend who has been dating another woman and without you only paying attention to me when you deem necessary?” Draco had slumped back onto the green leather, hand dragging over his face as he refused to meet your gaze again, the expression on his face a far cry from what it had been just moments ago.

“I can’t explain everything to you. Can you just trust that I’m doing what’s best for you? For us.”

If his voice hadn’t been so shaky, if his body hadn’t trembled like is had when he was 13 as you held him against you as he cried about the passing of his grandfather, you might not have decided to not push further.

So Harry was right, though some part of you had always known, after all in what world would Harry Potter make something like that up. You had just deluded yourself into thinking Draco wouldn’t be dragged into it. “I know Draco. You don’t have to say anything you can’t, but I know.”

His eyes whipped up to meet yours, clearly not expecting that response from you. You looked at him with the same fierce gaze he loved and for a second he thought you’d slap him again.

He thought you’d hit him and run or even worse, you’d stay.

“If this wasn’t the best possible option, I wouldn’t have chosen it, you have to understand that. It was better than the alternative of losing you and my parents. Do you know what he does to people? Do you know how he tears them apart? How he would rip your mind into shreds and then leave you with just enough life to watch him do the same to everyone else you care about.”

You stayed silent; you hadn’t thought about the bigger the picture this whole time, focusing only on you and your insignificant feelings.

“I refuse to put you at risk. If I had to make a choice; if I had to choose between saving you or my parents, I don’t know who I’d choose and that terrifies me. I can lose you and try to move on or find you again, but I can’t abandon my parents without signing their death warrants.” His words hurt. There was no masking that, but you knew he was right, he was making the most logical decision and you could not fault him for it, no matter how much your heart objected.

You just looked at him for a tense second, your brain trying to piece together what to say and what to think. Life had not prepared you for this moment.

“But the way you looked at her-“

“Looked at who?”

“Pansy.”

“I was imagining you.”

Your cheeks flushed with warmth, unsure if it was embarrassment, relief or anger. His fingers reached for yours, the familiarity of his wrapped around yours loosened the ball of nerves in your stomach just a little.

“Okay. Go.”

“What?” His fingers tightened their grip on your hand.

“I’ll wait until after the war; but you better find yourself on the right side. Just stay alive and I’ll find you.”

“And if I’m in Azkaban?” a voice so small you almost didn’t hear it.

“I don’t believe you could do anything horrific enough to end up in Azkaban; but even so, you better make some right choices because you hold our future in your hands Malfoy.”

He looked at you as though you had gone mad, and frankly you might’ve. After all, who would wait for their ex-boyfriend after finding out they were a death eater?

“You cannot be serious.”

“I would wait a lifetime for you.”

It had been those very words that had given him hope, something he didn’t think he would ever have again after taking the mark. He had not convinced his father to reconsider and that was something he would have to live for the rest of his life; but he had his mother. A mother’s love would prove yet again to be a saving grace.

The two of you may not have rebuilt what you had until years after, but when it came to making that all important choice, he had chosen the right one.

TAGLIST: @bbeauttyybbx @pipppaaaaalouisee @theslytherinprincessworld @fangirl-3d2y @tttyrus @scriptingslytherin @justmimithings @purpleskymalfoy @minigigglybabi @505weasleys @secretaccshh @obbrssession @whatwoulddracodo @thatoneniceslytherin @thehumanistsdiary @mariah-can-dream @futureofanthropology @ccabian @tobarmaidswhodontcount @dray-cookies  @xuckduck @dreamyginny @dracofeltonmalfoy @lord-byron @inglourious-imagines @audreythehufflepuff @beiahadid @moonlightorbit @imonlyherecauseimbored @dracosgoodgirl @dreaming-about-fanfictions @goldenxreid @avengers-end-me @sad-bitch-h0ur @zhangyixingxing1 @yourenotafailureoverall @pastelpuffbar @miso-tang @pixiedustsupplyco @harry-and-draco-loves @tsukibaby @dracoswhore007 @hogwartslut @mischiefisbeingmanaged @raylovessarcasm @drxcomvlfx @dracosballs @standingandstaring @its-chickenwing-450 @iamproudtobeaslytherin @mischiefisbeingmanaged @pxroxide-prinxcesss @slytherinxraven @jinnbie @lunalovegoodsgirlfriend @Utzelh8 @gloryekaterina @capkatie @jquick-18 @imcedricdiggorys @osterfieldnholland @explxsion @big-galaxy-chaos @malfoycrave @softlyqoos @krazykendraisnotinsane @minsuuwu @lumlfy @mllzhxrrs44 @weasleyis0urking @slytherinwh0re @gwlvr @m3ssytrash @aubreyanna02 @akaaaaashiiii @carrobrumbrum @dracoswift @bitchybeatle @samnblack @dumspirospero-1 @dracomalfoyswifeee @sydnee-kom-spacekru​

Those who asked for part 3!: @dracoxmgg​ @em2604 @gabiconstellation​  @azkabanlexi​ @indieslytherin​ @sushiims @sincerlymalfoy​ 

[overly-b]

Say It Again - JJ Maybank

In which JJ questions if he is deserving of you and your love. 

Warnings: swearing, sad JJ, fluff, awful editing don’t come for me

Word Count: 3.5k(whoops) 

Author's note: this is my first time writing in so long, be gentle with me friends. I know that a lot of people have done similar prompts of JJ feeling undeserving of love and the reader helps him through it, so this is a little bit unoriginal but, this is my take on it. 

Bold italics is a flash back. 

Thank you to @maybe-maybanks​ to the late night inspiration!

not my gif

As you, Kie and Pope approached the yard of the chateau, it became undeniably clear that JJ had gone off the rails with extravagant spending since you had seen him last. 

“What did you do JJ?” Pope questions the boy sitting in the hot tub. Looking at you through his sunglasses, he smirks. 

“I got a jet going straight in my butt right now” He ignores Pope. “Y’all, should get in here immediately, you hear me?” His sentence slurs slightly. “Salud!” He toasts his plastic champagne flute in the air, but opts to take a swig from the bottle in his other hand. 

JJ scans the faces of his three friends, eyes lingering at yours a moment longer than Kie and Popes. 

You see, just days ago, after getting arrested, then beaten by his father, JJ found you, and poured his heart out, to find that you shared his feelings, and the two of you started seeing each other in secret. 

Being that it was a secret, the two of you had yet to put any kind of label on it, but you loved that blonde boy to the ends of the earth, despite what had happened earlier that day. 

“You know what, that's exactly what I’m gonna do. Go off, by myself.”  

You watched as JJ began walking away. Pope attempted to stop him, but Sarah and John B had halted his efforts. You stood silently fuming at the actions of the boy you had such strong feelings for. How could he be doing something like this? This wasn’t the JJ you knew, had been friends with for years, and were now in love with. Though if you were being honest with yourself, you had loved him for years prior. 

“JJ!” You seethed, shaking off John B’s attempts to hold you back from running after him. He was already a good distance away from the group, he probably couldn’t even hear you yelling, so you started speed walking. It soon became apparent that he was simply ignoring you. 

“JJ!” You were merely twenty feet from him, screaming at his back. “JJ stop!” His strides continued. 

“You were real quiet back there princess, finally decide to comment?” You stepped in front of him, shoving his shoulders to force his walk to a stop. “What the fuck Y/N!” 

“What the fuck me? What the fuck you! What has gotten into you right now JJ what are you doing?” 

“Nothing has gotten into me Y/N I’m simply paying back what I owe.” He states, trying to walk past you. 

“By stealing the money from the drug dealer that just jumped us?” Your brows raise as you interrogate him. 

“He jumped us, he has this coming.” He nonchalantly shrugs his shoulders, succeeding in getting past you, as you stand shocked by his words. 

“JJ you and I both know that you’re not that goddamned stupid.” His steps slow, he stands still. “Stealing money from a drug dealer? JJ I know that you owe money because of Pope but this isn’t right! You’re better than this-” 

“Am I?” He turns on his heels to face you again, this time squaring his shoulders to be purposeful in standing tall over you. Him standing over you made you feel small in comparison to the raging blond. “Am I better than this?” He repeats his question. 

“JJ what are you-” 

“Because I’m starting to think that you, and your high standards, and your perfect life, only think that I am better than this because you want me to be better than this.” 

You knew what he was referring to. You were by no means a kook, but your family was financially stable enough to afford a nice house, you had your own car, and if you wanted, you could afford to go to college on the mainland. Your life was unlike most lives on the cut, but JJ knew that your life was far from perfect. 

“What the hell-” 

“And that if we’re gonna be together,  you need me to be better than this so that I can fit in with your life.” You had no idea what he meant. Your life was on the cut, with the Pouges, with him, and the difference of financial well beings of your familys never changed that before, so why was it now? 

“What the fuck JJ stop-” 

“Well you know what Y/N! I’m not better than this, this is who I am! I get into fights, I steal, I have a criminal record, when I get hit, I hit back this is who I am!” 

“We both know that stealing twenty five thousand dollars from a drug dealer is never going to make anything better.” You attempt to reason with him. “This isn’t hitting back this is loading the gun that's already in your face!” 

“Y/N I have to!” He spits. “I know you could never understand being in so much debt but this is my only option.” His words hit you like a punch to the stomach. He looks down to his boots before continuing. “So I’m sorry that I’m not what you pictured as a boyfriend, but this is what I do Y/N. Maybe you trying to fight it means you deserve better than me.” 

And just like that, it was clear that he was more mad with himself then he was with you. However, everything that he said was uncalled for, and nasty, and he had no right. You watch as he storms away, even more tense than before, and you couldn’t help but wonder how this affects your newfound relationship. You blink away the water from your eyes, and do your best to compose yourself as you slowly wander back to your friends. 

“How much did this cost?” Pope asks. Your head was spinning as he listed all of the things that he had purchased since he left you standing in the woods. 

“Uh, well. With the generator, the petrol, and, oh, hey, express delivery,” You knew the answer before he even had time to speak. “Pretty much all of it, yeah.” 

“All of it?” Pope exclaims. 

“Oh my god” You whisper, mostly to yourself, rubbing your forehead with your palm. 

“Yeah all of it.” 

“You spent all the money in one day?” “Yeah burned a hole right through my pocket.” He confidently explains. “But, I mean like come on guys, look at this!”  The tone in his voice told you that he was holding back, it was alway his biggest tell when he would hold back his feelings. “Finest in jet based massage therapy, that's what they told me.” 

The three of you are left speechless. 

“Kie what? Can’t a man have a little luxury in life?” JJ still could not bring himself to look you in the eyes for more than a moment. “Come on, all this scrimping’ and scraping’” you notice his voice falter again. “I mean like, guys, we, you only live once. Right?” JJ finally locks eyes with you, and he reacts spastically, your dreaded look having the gravest effect on him.  

“Y/N, stop, why are you looking at me like that?” He knew full well, but he was trying too hard not to show it. “I know that you’re mad about earlier okay, but, everything is fine now!” His voice was louder now, concealing the breakdown you knew was coming, sooner or later, here with the three of you or somewhere else. “Enough of this emotional shit. Get in the Cat’s Ass come on.” He smiles, waving you to join him. 

“The what?” Kie furrows her brows. 

“The Cat’s Ass.” JJ smugly replies, proud of himself. “That's what I named her. Oh hey yo, I almost forgot,” JJ leans forward, pressing a button that makes water spray across the tub, and even more colorful lights flash in front of him. “Huh! Yeah that's right, disco mode, thats right baby!” His eyes scan yours, noticing that they were clouding with tears. He quickly looks away from you, not wanting to see the damage that he had done, and was still doing. 

“JJ,” Your voice is low and hushed as you blink back tears. 

“Are you kidding me?” Popes harsh voice overpowers yours, cutting off you and your tears. “You could have paid for restitution!” 

“Or literally given it to any charity” Kie fumes at the sight before her. 

“Guys,” You mutter, wanting them to stop being so hard on the broken boy you secretly called yours. You were mad too, if not more than Pope and Kie due to your argument. However, you could see straight through the smug grins and happy fasad that JJ was trying to project. He was hurting, and you knew it wasn’t just about the fight the two of you shared. 

“Or better yet, you could have helped us buy supplies to get the rest of the gold out of the well!” 

“Guys!” You spoke up louder this time, only to be cut off by JJ. 

“Okay well you know I didn’t do that!” As JJ’s swimsuit clad body surfaces from the hot water, you are confronted with what you knew would be there, and the tears pour from your eyes. “I got a hot tub!” JJ shakes in what appears to be anger, but you know it isn't anger he's reeling from. “For my friends,” 

Kie and Pope gape at JJ’s bruised abdomen and instantly connect the dots as to who is responsible. 

“I bought a hot tub for my friends.” He repeats. “You know what, no, you know what, screw friends. I got a hot tub for my family.” 

“JJ what the hell-” Kie gasps.

“I got this for you! Guys look what I did for you! Alright?” JJ spins and gestures to everything he bought. “Look at this!” When he turns back, he finds that you were no longer holding back the tears your eyes once held. 

“Y/N stop being emotional don’t, don’t cry okay? I know that I hurt you before,” His voice fails him as he recalls the words that he said to you. “But I did this for you,” He hangs his head, he knows how bad he fucked up, and it was hitting him all at once that this was not the way that he needed to make things right. This was not the way back to you, and the high of his twenty five thousand dollar spending spree was dissapating at his realisation, and at the sight of you before him. 

“I mean, it’s sweet right?” JJ hadn't even realized that as he began talking, you had climbed into the hot tub. He looks into your eyes for a moment as you stand before him, and lets out a sob as you gently wrap your arms around him. His forehead falls to your shoulder, and  all of his pent up energy released in the form of tears and heaves. 

“I’m sorry. Baby I’m so sorry.” He whimpers to you, only for you to shush him tenderly. Kie and Pope share a confused glance at the nickname. “I couldn’t do it.” You rub his hair and hold him close as he convulses. “I can’t take it anymore!” JJ wails, your tears land on his shoulders, and his tears land on yours. “I was gonna kill him!” 

Kie is next to join you, jumping into the steaming water and embracing the both of you. Pope follows. 

“I just want to do the right thing.” 

“Shh, JJ, I know. I know” You coo him, trying to calm his weeping. 

After minutes of holding him, Kie announces that she has to head home, and Pope offers to drive her. JJ rests in a nearly catatonic state in your arms, no doubt exhausted and knowing JJ, not ready to face the fact that he just broke down in front of his friends. 

The pair leaves bidding reassuring words to JJ, and a few more hugs. 

You are left in the hot tub, holding the blond boy as he clutches onto you. He wasn’t crying anymore, but his breaths were rapid and heavy as he was shaken, the events of the day had caught up to him in the form of you and your tears. He begins to spew soft “I’m sorry”s and other apologises, but his panic makes him stutter and his sentences start to lack direction. 

You shush him and direct the boy to listen to your heartbeat, trying your best to bring his shattered thoughts back to earth. 

“JJ, we should get out of the hottub.” You tell him, to which he simply sniffles and nods, unsure of how to speak to you after the horrible things he said to you, and his inability to form a proper apology. He knew that you were nothing like he had depicted, yet he said what he said, and there was no taking it back. 

His skin was red from the overheated water, and it itched with chlorine, so as the two of you entered the chateau, you started the shower. 

“You should rinse off the chlorine.” You told him, not sure of how to speak to him either. He followed your order and stripped of his bathing suit. You were able to track down clothes for him to sleep in, and as you waltzed back into the bathroom, you decided you couldn’t leave him alone in the shower.  

Taking off your soaked clothes quickly, you slip into the shower to find JJ standing still under the water. You snake your arms around his torso, careful of the bruises pressing your chest to his back. His hands find yours he holds them tight. You place a kiss on his spine, then rest your head where your lips touched. 

“I’m so sorry” He croaked, his voice was tired, worn out from the day. 

“JJ-” 

“No stop Y/N” He turns around to face you, grabbing your face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I should have never said any of those things about you, none of them were true, it's just that, its,” He stumbles on his words. You rub his back to ground him again, he takes a deep breath. “It's just that you do deserve better than me.” 

“JJ please-” He doesn’t let you continue. 

“No you do, Y/N you do. You deserve so much better than me, than this life, than what I can give you. You don’t deserve some, broken kid that's never getting off the cut, you don’t deserve, to, have to watch as I steal money from drug dealers, you don’t deserve any of the shit that I know that I put you through you just, you deserve better, better than someone who doesn’t come close to deserving you.” 

The tears streaming down both of your faces mix with the water coming from the shower and you have no idea how to make his saddening speech stop. 

“JJ” You sob, he pauses. “You deserve so much more, than what your life has given you. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved JJ, you deserve everything that you want, why can’t you see that?” 

And instantly you feel stupid for asking. JJ’s eyes wander and find the bruises littering his body, answering your question. You stifle another sob as your eyes graze his battered skin. 

“Listen to me.” You demand his attention. “You are not worthless.” His eyes divert from yours as he realises what you’re referring to. “JJ look at me,” After a moment or two, his gaze wearily finds yours. “You are not worthless, you are worthy of love, and affection, and someone who takes care of you, and not only are you worthy but you deserve it too. Do you hear me?” 

JJ swallows thickly, nodding in acceptance of your beautiful words. He embraces you tightly, having no words of his own. No one had ever made him feel like this. No one had ever made him feel worthy of the good that was before him. 

He was hesitant to think that he deserved you. To him, no one was good enough to actually deserve you, especially not him. However your speech made him open to the idea that maybe he was at least worthy of your love. 

Your love. 

You both realised in the same moment that the word was shared between you. You had never shared the faithful declaration of love to each other since you had been together romantically, and yet now you had mentioned love twice in the span of thirty seconds. JJ smiled as he held you. You loved him, and this was one of the ways that you showed it. 

“Let's get the chlorine out of your hair J.” 

He let you massage his scalp with the shampoo that he's seen you use before to get pool chemicals out of your hair. He didn’t really know what it did or how it was different from other shampoos but, it smelled like you and he loved getting his head rubbed. His breathing was still shaky, but he finally felt some of his anxiety from the day wearing off. Fighting with you was something he never wanted to do again. Fighting with his dad was something he knew he would have to do the next time he went home. He elected to ignore those thoughts, as your fingers worked magic on his hair, seemingly drawing all of the negative ideas out of his head along with the chlorine. 

As JJ rinsed his hair of soap, he noticed you reaching for the bottle again, no doubt to wash your own hair. He holds out his hand, wordlessly asking if he could wash your hair for you, like you had done for him. This makes you grin as you hand him the bottle. JJ then realises that he doesn’t really know how to do what you did for him. That kind of small, soft, intimate touching was foreign to him. 

He squeezes way too much shampoo into his hand, but you pay that no mind. He starts slow, trying to remember the way your fingers moved on his scalp, but in the end knowing that he just wasn’t good at giving head massages. 

“I used way too much.” He states, watching as suds continue to produce from your locks.  

“It’s okay.” You hum watching the bubbles disappear down the drain. “I set out clothes for you when you’re ready, I’m probably gonna be another minute” You tell him, referring to the other bottles you had in the shower that you still had to use. 

“Okay, thank you” He kisses you as he exits the shower. You finish up quickly, wanting to be next to him, and hoping that his thoughts as he sits alone don’t carry him away like they had before. 

You find that he left his tee shirt for you, like he had on nights before. You wear the shirt that smelled of him along with a pair of comfortable running shorts and head to the spare bedroom of the chateau that JJ called his most nights. 

You spot JJ sitting at the edge of the bed, waiting for you. You slowly and carefully climb onto his lap, straddling him and holding his head close to your chest. You notice anxiety still radiating off of him. 

“Hey,” You start softly. “It’s okay, everythings okay-” 

“I love you” He states bluntly as he picks up his head from your chest. 

“What?” You stumble, surprised at his outburst. 

“I love you, and I want to be with you, like, publically, or whatever. I wanna tell the Pouges and-” before he starts rambling, you stop him. 

“I love you too JJ.” This pauses him. 

“Say it again.” 

You giggle, but inhale, knowing that he needs to hear it. 

“JJ.” You start. “I love you.” 

He lets out a breath you didn’t realize he was holding, eyes watering for the millionth time. 

“I still don’t think that I deserve this.” He admits, looking into your eyes with his crystal clear blue ones. 

“You do.” You push his hair back from his face. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you that you do.” 

He was hesitant to accept everything that you had said to him that day, but he never doubted that you would give him your all. This was all he needed to know before he allowed himself fully over to you, kissing you with more desperation and love than ever before. 

“I love you so much.” You muttered into his lips, and from that day on, you would say it again and again, as many times as he needed to hear it. A constant reminder to him that he was deserving and worthy of good, of love, and of you.

Taglist:  @maybe-maybanks​  @myrandom-fandomlife​

[caesthetix]

SAY A LITTLE PRAYER — Ep. What Paradise Is

↪Eren Yeager mini-series

↪content; major character death, canon universe, heavy angst, description of violence, established relationship, spoiler for season 4, alternate ending, manga spoiler

"You know, I can't help but thank Eren that he killed her that night."

Everyone was busy with themselves after Jean beat Reiner to a pulp. The rest of them who were still awake, circling the campfire, waiting for sleepiness to engulf them. But that sentence was enough to stop them from dozing off, some pairs of eyes decided to fall upon them instead.

Hange tried to be neutral all the time. They needed to be the mediator between the Marleyans and the rest of the Survey Corps. After all, they needed each other if they wanted to stop the rumbling. Yet they couldn't help but speak up, they were human too after all.

"Huh?" It was Connie. "What do you mean by that, H-Hange-san?"

They just smiled softly as they looked down, watching their own reflection from the brown liquid in their hand. It was your favourite drink, coffee. Every sip would always be savoured as they imagined you sitting right in front of them.

"But we could use her strength. If she lived, she could help us to sway Eren." Armin spoke up, responding to their statement before. His blue eyes staring at the crackling fire, deep in his thoughts. "When we lost her, we lost seventy-five percent of the chance for winning this without having to harm Eren."

"You tell me that is the reason why he killed her?" The scowl on Connie's face hardened as he tried to connect the dots. "So we can't use her against him, eh? What a coward at the end. That lunatic bastard—"

"She would have followed him."

Mikasa's voice was soft and tiny as she cut his sentence. Yet even though it heard like a whisper, everyone could hear what she said. They blinked in confusion, except Hange and Jean who currently stood a few feet from them, somehow understood. The Marleyan raised their eyebrows in confusion, Annie could not understand what they were all talking about.

The rest of them were begging for more information, but the ravenette didn't give them any.

"She would have followed him."

Instead, she repeated the words. Her friends would understand her sentence — if they decided to use their brains for a while. They all knew you, she didn't have to give any further explanation regarding her statement.

Of course, now they understood why Hange thanked Eren for what he did to you. Even if you were alive right now, you were not going to be here, eating stew and drinking coffee while fretting about how to stop your lover who tried to commit genocide to the whole world.

You were going to be there, by his side, with your swords ready to be pointed out to anyone who tried to stop and harm Eren in any way. You would stand there, devoting your heart not for humanity, but for him. That was how big your love was, something that was blinding you, to the extent of worshipping him.

And they couldn't imagine themselves to be the one who sears their blades at you.

"You never told us, Hange."

Jean's voice filled the void, his feet stomping the grass underneath him, echoing through the quiet night. "That night, you never told us what happened." He stood on the other side of the campfire, his tall body looming in front of them as they seated on the ground.

The brunette stared at the man with a stern gaze, contemplating if it was the right moment to tell them. But their time was limited now, as their friends, they all deserved to know what happened that night.

"Alright." They put the metal cup down their lap. "Though I remind you now, it wouldn't be pleasant but," It even felt so heavy for them, by just thinking about your death. "But it would be so — her."

The veteran scout told them everything. From how you stood in front of their door, the coffee that they shared with you, to the time you cried when they gave you the key so you could go inside his cell. They were sure that you went there to talk and asked for a reason, but they knew thirty minutes wouldn't be enough.

Jean felt bad for asking, as he could see how much the commander suffered from this burden. Hange's hand balled into a fist, the other gripping tight on the cup's handle. Yet they keep on going, telling them how they saw Eren wash his face as if his hands were not stained by his lover's blood.

They explained the bruises on your neck, shaped like fingers as an indicator of how you died.

"Fuck." Jean cursed, his eyes glistening with tears that were threatening to fall. "Fuck." He shouldn't have asked, but it was too late, he could see the horror in your eyes, how afraid you were that night, how you were screaming for help but no one came.

For you to die, and the one who was responsible was your lover, he couldn't imagine the betrayal on your—

"But you know what's funny?" Hange spoke up once again, they were not finished yet. Their comrades immediately looked at them once again, asking for them to continue.

They sipped their coffee, recalling the gleam in your eyes, the comfort that they remembered up until now. There was no terror, you were not afraid of him even in your last moment. "There was no sign of resistance."

And that fact was enough to wake them up.

"Even from the start, when Eren choked her, she just stood there, letting him do it." They chuckled, almost maniacal. "Her eyes still shone with comfort as she looked at him. I-I always figure her out, I understand a lot of things about her. But, but I can't with this one."

They stopped, groaning as once again your eyes were the only thing that they could see. "I don't know anymore if she really believed that he must have to kill her for a reason," His hand shook the cup gently, letting the liquid swirl inside. "Or she believed that he would stop and let her go, even until she's gone for real."

And that last sentence broke them all.

The Marleyan couldn't look at the broken soldiers in front of them. Gabi and Falco pursed their lips, trying so hard to sleep. Annie who was sitting beside the unconscious Reiner, now having her pupils dilated as she understood the story, and who would be the mysterious woman that made them distressed like this.

Connie was silent as he kept gulping down water down his throat. Armin closed his eyes, but he could see it so clearly, the faith in your orbs. Jean just chuckled bitterly, muttering stupid woman again and again as tears were cascading down his cheek.

Then, Mikasa, her lips trembled as she tried not to sob. But whimpers already slipped, her empty cup fell to the ground as she put her hands on her ears as she wanted to stop the noises in her head. You brought joy, even in her life, and to be reminded that you were killed by Eren nonetheless, tore her apart.

The rest of the night was filled with nothing but sorrow. Tears accompanied them all to their sleep, silent weeps and choked-out sobs could be heard here and there.

Hange could only stay put under the white cloth that works as their blanket, staring into the dark green of trees, then went beyond that to see the night blue skies which adorned with stars. They subconsciously raised their hand, as if they were reaching for someone.

“Tell me, Hange!”

They tried to understand him, they really did. When they closed your eyes as you laid on the infirmary bed, they knew that you would appreciate it if they tried to understand why he killed you. Down in the basement, they tried to bait him with your condition, blaming him for how they lost another comrade.

“If there’s another way, then tell me what it is!”

But they were not you, they couldn’t see it. They wanted a reason but all they got from the man was just subtle answers, pain, anger, and how what he did was something inevitable. They just knew that he suffered too from what he had done, so perhaps it was enough.

They just wished — they could understand you.

"Oh, (Y/n)." They sighed, finally letting the tears slip down their cheeks. No one else saw them, it was just their lonely soul and the craving for your existence. "I think I didn’t know you enough."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ༶•┈┈⛧┈〄┈⛧┈┈•༶ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

His vision was supposed to be filled with lights, dark blue lights that came from the coordinate. He used to know it all, see it all, what happened in the world as he activated the rumbling, he could hear all the screams from those people underneath him. Trampled by gigantic power, without given any mercy.

He couldn't remember when it stopped. The terror, his friends fighting him so they could stop his plan — suddenly all he saw was just a bright pinkish sky. It was as if he was laying down on one of the clouds, soft and free.

The breeze tickled his long hair, good that it just swayed his brown strands softly, but not good enough to give him comfort.

Comfort, oh, how much he longed for that word.

The past few days had been so hard as he kept on living to grant freedom to the Island of Paradis. He could not count how many of his comrades died, how many of his followers ended up not seeing that freedom, let alone all the lives that he took.

And now when he knew that he failed, he chuckled as the realisation dawned upon him. After all these years — he was still the same useless boy.

"Eren."

He sat up in an instant. Dark green eyes searching for the source of where it came from. Surely he was not hallucinating, but that was a possibility. He didn't even know what this place, let alone believing that it was her voice.

"Hey, Eren."

But it was indeed your voice. No matter how many days or weeks passed after some time he had to part with you, he could always recognise that voice anywhere. Gentle, warm, and comforting, it felt like he was so close to heaven.

"You are here."

Then he felt it. He felt you. He looked down on his torso, finding two arms wrapped around him from behind. It felt so right as his hand slowly covered yours, testing it in case it was all in his head. But he could touch, he could trace his finger on the back of your hand.

He laughed, just a short one as he still processed what kind of magic existed in this place. You rested your chin on his shoulder, planting a peck on his cheek without warning that caused him to blush a hundred shades of red.

"(Y/n)?" He called out your name. "Are you real?" You only answered with a single hum. "How come are you real? Where is this place? Why am I here? I am not supposed to be here, I needed to finish the plan, Ymir is—"

You shut him up by placing your finger in front of his lips.

"You are free, Eren."

Silence. He could not understand that. Did it mean that he already died? But if that was the truth, why did he even feel more alive now compared to all those years that he spent before?

You slowly retracted your finger, pulling yourself from his embrace as gently as possible. Eren was still deep in thought, hands falling to the cloud-like ground he was sitting on right now. You stood up and walked in front of him, bare feet were now within his eyesight.

He could touch you before, and it didn’t feel like he was hallucinating. He felt your kiss before, and it made him sure that it was real. Bewildered, he looked up only to find you looking forward. Even though he felt that he was finally free, he was still curious about what happened in this moment.

"What is this place?" He asked again, now a lot calmer than before as he gazed at your face which showed nothing but peace.

"A transit." You started, eyes never leaving the glowing sight in front of you. "A place where you are finally free, but still misplaced since it was not the last destination where you should go." He hummed, processing your words that still felt unreal.

"Then why are you here?" All this afterlife thing was so foreign for him. "Why don't you leave and go to your last destination?"

"Oh, boy, you really asking me that?" You chuckled softly, snickering as if that was the dumbest question that you ever heard. Your eyes finally cast down to face him, and when he still looked so confused, you could only let out a sigh. "Because I am waiting for you, Eren."

You smiled wistfully, extending your hand for him to take. "What else could it be at this point?" He took it as he nodded at your answer. You helped him up, letting him stand by himself. And now as he looked around the endless clouds, he could finally embrace the fact that he was indeed — dead.

Anywhere he looked, he could only find the soft, white clouds refreshing the air. The colour was tinted orange as the sun in front of him shone like it would set anytime soon. But it had been perhaps minutes by now, and yet the colour never changed.

If he was finally here to feel his freedom, then he would take it. The world where he lived before was not his responsibility anymore. His friends had won, and it was not his place to ask for what happened next. Yes, he was ready to be free. But as he looked at you, he still had one, unanswered question that he needed to know.

"Hey, (Y/n)." He cleared his throat, melancholy striking his feature as your gaze met with his.

"Yes, Eren?"

How come you are here on his side? Why did you stay in this place alone just to wait for him? He killed you, why are you not running away? There was so much, so many questions that he never dared to ask you. But one, he needed to know the answer to this one question.

"Why don't you fight back when I try to kill you?"

You didn't flinch, you stood there with a neutral expression as if he just asked you if you had eaten before.

"Truthfully, Eren? I always thought that you were just trying to make me hate you. Looking at me with those cold eyes, tightening your grip like that." Your finger subconsciously went to your neck. "At first, I thought you were going to let me go at some point."

He could feel a lump start forming in his throat as he listened, tears were threatening to fall already. That was what you felt that night, you didn’t want to die. Of course, who in the right mind wanted to die? Let alone killed by someone that you loved.

"But as seconds passed and you were not loosening the grip, I understood." Then you continued, your hand now fell back to your side. Though, you still looked at him with earnestness written all over your face. "I understand that you had to kill me for a reason, that you knew it was for the best."

His breath hitched at your statement; which was supposed to make him feel guilty, to make him feel like he was not worthy of your faith. But with how there was no ill will nor sadness in your intonation, he couldn't feel any other feelings except — relief.

"So I believed in you, and I wanted you to know until the end that wherever I go next, I will always devote my heart to you."

You said it without doubt, as if you have been saying the same thing over and over again throughout your life. Yet somehow he could know that it was the truth. Perhaps you said that inside your heart for all the times that you spent with him.

While you still alive, you have put your faith in him, following him anywhere he goes. No one could sway your belief, you were devoted solely just to him. You praised his name, never leaving his side under any circumstances.

And he realised — that was the way you said you loved him.

So now, it was his time to do the same, to believe in you.

"Come on, Eren." You dusted the non-existent wrinkles on your clothes before extending your hand for him to take, a smile never leaving your face as you waited for him patiently. "Let's go home."

And without wasting another second, without any hesitation, he reached for your hand. The smile on your face widened at this, and the wind suddenly twirled around the two of you. He didn't know where home was, he didn't know where you would take him.

But as you started to walk in the direction of the sun, he followed. His eyes looked forward, dark green eyes turned into the emerald shade that was gone before. It was so beautiful, how he walked above the clouds, with your hand around his, guiding him to a new place called home.

Your laugh resonated in his ears as he caught up with you, gripping your hand tighter, afraid that he would lose you if he loosened up. Yet somehow he knew that he wouldn't have to be scared anymore.

Now he was finally free. From the burden on his shoulders, from the duty that was thrown at him by his ancestors, from the endless nightmare that he saw on each vision — it was all gone. And as his gaze fleeted toward your running form, he blinked in astonishment.

He saw you, a younger self of you perhaps, maybe when you were nine or ten. You looked beautiful, even with your hair slightly shorter, with chubby, adorable cheeks. Then you turned to face him, and he saw those glossy beads filled with purity.

And inside those, he saw a reflection. Of a boy not older than ten years old, with a brown outer and a sage green shirt, holding on to someone. Oh, it was him. He looked so free as he ran side by side with you, he looked so free with you leading him to his new home.

Laughter filled the air that surrounded you and him; high-pitched, carefree laughter that people would hear when children ran around the street to catch one another. That happy laugh slipped from both of your lips.

He held your hand tighter, not because he was afraid to lose you, but so he could feel your love even more. He ran with you faster, now becoming the one who followed you as he believed that you were going to take him somewhere, to the last destination.

A place where he could finally be free.

With you.

↪Back to Wall Maria

↪Citizen; @queenofcurse

↪Send an ask if you want to be a citizen of Paradis (taglist)!

[bakubub]

Best friend rigs the Secret Santa for Bakugo and yourself to get one another...

A/N: Hullo everybody!! This is part 2 (find part one HERE) of this Pinterest Prompt and part 3 will (hopefully) be the final part. I honestly thought this would be a 800 word fic but now we're barreling towards almost 5k all together whoops lol-

Warnings: Just a few swears here and there, SFW, its literally all Bakusquad shenanigans.

Word count: abt 1.5k, ENJOY <3

"Soooooo~ Who d'ya get for the cringle?" Kaminari asks, leaning back on his chair dangerously to look back at me, sitting on the desk behind him. I raise my eyebrows, since I can't just raise the one, and flick my pen expertly in my hand.

"Mr. Aizawa," I answered seriously. "I'm thinking of getting him another sleeping bag. The musty yellow one isn't really his colour."

Looking genuinely confused, Kaminari looks around to see if anyone else overheard our conversation.

I laugh at him, and kick his chair forward, causing him to shriek as he sits squarely on his butt. I look down to see a folded note on my desk, opening to read it as Mr Aizawa tells us to settle down;

Lover boy was TOTALLY just greasing off Kaminari for making you laugh. I think someone's still jealous from the whole sleeping incident...

Catching Mina's eye, I give her an I don't think so look, which she promptly rolls her eyes at. Its been a whole weekend since the 'sleeping incident', where I had woken up with Kaminari's arms wrapped around my waist and his head nestled on my stomach. Accidentally of course. We, along with Bakugo and Kirishima, had fallen asleep on the couch in the common room, talking late last Friday night.

It really wasn't a big deal... Kaminari apologised several times. I got over it, he got over it, and I don't see why Bakugo, whom Mina just loves to call 'lover boy', would even care.

Plus, I have bigger problems. Like what to get said lover boy for the Christmas Cringle we were supposed to be exchanging this Saturday. He's literally impossible to buy for. Well, I could always just buy him a new pair of shorts or something, but since I've had a crush on him since literally the first day of school, it needs to be perfect.

So far I've thought of a cookbook, an apron, a scarf since he's always wearing the brown one, or maybe even a matching beanie; then again his hair has such personality I don't even know if he CAN put a beanie over those suspiciously natural spikes...

"Hellooooo, come on, Aizawa dismissed us," Mina says, nudging my shoulder.

I snap out of my daze and gather my things, following out of the nearly empty classroom.

"Decided on what to get monsieur Hothead yet?" I sigh, already having predicted this question.

"Nope," I say, popping the p as we walk to the dorm rooms. "I'm thinking of maybe getting-"

"Hey girls, wanna meet at the common room at 6 for a rematch of UNO?" Kaminari asks, coming up from behind us and slinging an arm over my and Mina's shoulders like he always does.

"Yeah sure, we're down." Mina answers, pinching him in the side so he lets us out of his grasp. We duck away, laughing and continuing our banter, before I catch Bakugo's gaze.

"You coming too, Bakugo?" I ask, walking up next to him, ignoring my heart trying to escape its cage.

"Coming where?" He grumbles, still looking disgruntled and angry.

"We're playing UNO around 6 today in the common room. Come on, it'll be fun," I say, trying to persuade him into coming, since he never usually participates.

"HELL NO! I don't have time to waste, especially with you extras," He yells at me. I huff, rolling my eyes and continuing to ignore the feeling of my heart beating in my eyeballs, as I grumble, "you never do," and walk back next to Mina, who was now somehow in a water fight with Kirishima, Kaminari and Sero.

Overall certain that I didn't let my nerves peek through while talking to him, I don't register what's happening as Sero grabs Oijiro's water bottle out of his bag, unscrews the lid, then promptly dumps it over my head.

With Mina, Kirishima, Kaminari and even Bakugo gasping in the background, I wiped the water off my face, before realising my mascara had probably smudged all over my cheeks and glared at Sero, who was slowly backing away.

I practically growl before chasing him, blindly grabbing my own water bottle out of my bag and drenching him, messing up his styled hair which has him shrieking "sorry, I'm so sorry!" and has me cackling in sweet, sweet revenge.

---

"PLUS FOUR?! AGAIN KIRISHIMA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Mina screeches as she pounds Kirishima's arm from next to him, who is laughing and judging from his reaction, barely feeling her punches. I know from experience, that Mina punches hard. He has to be really tough not to show an inkling of pain.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just really have to win this one!" He says, shooting a guilty smile Mina's way. Maybe he just doesn't feel pain in general...? I stare at him with suspicion as Mina huffs and she rolls her eyes at him, promptly dropping a four plus for the next person in our circle, who just happened to be me.

"Hey! Not cool, hypocrite." I mutter.

"I had to get my anger out somehow. I'm pretending you're Kirishima. Go on, pick up those cards, you slimy rat," Mina says smugly.

Giving her a confused look at her weird logic, I continued the game, Shoji and Hagakure also having joined in half way.

Just as I'm about to announce UNO, Bakugo stomps through the common room and sits right in between myself and Mina, crossing his legs on the floor and leaning back on his two hands.

"BAKUBRO! YOU CAME!" Kirishima yells excitedly, Kaminari and Sero also whooping and cheering.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up. I finished my work and came to see what you idiots were doing." He says, voice gruff but not screaming for once.

I raise my brows at him, and he scowls and looks the other way, not being able to face me after he so rudely rejected my invitation a few hours ago.

"Oh please, you just couldn't handle the FOMO." I say teasingly, smirking at him without fully turning my face so the others can hear.

Sero stifles a laugh and Kaminari looks confused before the dots connect and he also has his hand clamped around his mouth.

"She has a green 7," is all he says, a sadistic look of satisfaction overtaking his features. It takes a moment for all of us to realise what he just said.

Mina cackles as she changes the colour to red, effectively stopping me from winning the game.

Shooting him a dirty look, I lean over to grab another card, simultaneously elbowing him hard in the shin, which he doesn't even react to.

What is it with these guys and their weirdly high pain tolerance?

Ignoring him now, we continue the game, Kirishima practically slamming his last card on top of the deck. "I WON, I WON, man that was so MANLY," He celebrates as I see Mina rolling her eyes and silently fuming. I begin to shuffle and hand out the cards deliberately skipping Bakugo, which doesn't go unnoticed by him.

"Oi, where are my cards?" He asks, annoyance evident in his tone as Kirishima continues to gloat in the background about how manly his win was and Kaminari complaining about how he never "gets the good cards." When I don't respond, Bakugo steals my cards from in front of me, leaning forward to play with the others.

Snarling, I grab my cards out of his hand, causing him to snarl back, until we're fighting for the 7 cards.

"What are you guys doing, there's a whole ass deck here, you know," Sero says, eyebrows raised and nudging Kirishima.

"These. Ones. Are. MINE." I gasp out, my knee coming around to jab him in his side as his hand pushes me down from my sternum. Oxygen knocked out of my lungs, I gasped for air as I tried to hold the cards out of his reach, my hero training kicking in as I snake my other arm around the back of his neck to hold him in an upside down headlock. Trying to push his forehead onto the ground, I give the cards to Mina, who laughs and takes them, after taking a photo of us.

Having apparently heard the camera click, Bakugo (after struggling a great deal might I smugly add) gets out of my head lock and zones in on Mina. "Delete that photo, Racoon Eyes," He snarls.

"Not in a million years. Awww, look Bakugo are you blushing?" She says, pointing at her phone.

Eyes widening and red creeping up his neck, Bakugo snatches the phone out of her hand and deletes the photo, before getting up and leaving.

"C'mon Bakubro, she's just joking," Kirishima says, following him out.

"Yeah man, you didn't even play a game yet," Sero adds.

"I HAVE STUFF TO DO!" He screams, seemingly going back to his old self.

"Didn't you just say that you finished your homework?" Kaminari asks, furrowing his eyebrows.

"SHUT IT, CHARGEBOLT! I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU," he says a tad too harshly, turning slightly to glare at him with bulging eyeballs. Kaminari closes his mouth and shuffles his cards, trying not to set him off again.

"Bakugo-" I start, but when he doesn't turn, I find myself letting him leave.

Staring dejectedly at Mina, she gives me a giddy smile and grabs my phone, going onto her messages and smirking as she shows me the photo he just deleted.

"I sent it to you as soon as I took it. Thank me later," she says, winking, as she gets up to leave, dragging Sero and Kaminari with her.

I look down at the slightly blurry photo, seeing me handing Mina the UNO cards under Bakugo with a desperate expression. He has his hand pressed down on my sternum, straddling my waist and looking down at me, with an unmistakable smile gracing his features. Unless that's just a new way of scowling.

The phone dims and all of a sudden I'm confronted with my own expression on the darkened screen.

A lovesick fool.

That's all I can see.

A/N: Ngl pretty proud of that ending. JUst in case I'm not as slick as I think I am, she meant herself and Bakugo, hehe <3

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

Find part 3 HERE

[maybankiara]

TELL ME, IS IT WORTH IT?

pairing: JJ Maybank x Pope Heyward

summary: Pope proposes, JJ panics, and now he’s trying to explain why he said no (and why he shouldn’t have done it.)

w/c: 3.7k

a/n: angst with a happy ending, ignore all the typos bc this is entirely unedited (i might edit in the future)

masterlist | tag list

read on archive of our own

It’s really unfair that when someone’s life falls apart, the world itself doesn’t. JJ thinks it should. It should be raining knives, hailing bullets, volcanoes should be exploding and the ground shaking shouldn’t be just his personal experience of reality. 

But it’s not even a moderately hot day. It’s breezy, it’s perfect, and it’s one of the nicest days of the fucking whole year. 

JJ hates it. 

The Chateau has only got John B and Kiara under its roof when he barges in, teeth gripping on the cap of a beer bottle. ‘Don’t ask,’ he states, then drops in the empty space between the two on the couch. His legs find their home on the coffee table and he nearly downs the bottle. Burps. Sighs, dramatically. 

He knows they’re exchanging glances, but he chooses to ignore it. 

Kie’s consoling hand lands on his shoulder. ‘What ha—’

‘Pope asked me to marry him,’ he says, ‘and I said no. And I also said I think it’s never going to happen.’

John B should’ve made a dumb comment. Kie should’ve made a sarcastic remark. But they didn’t, and they won’t, because JJ feels the gravity of the situation weighting down his lungs. (It feels like being torn up inside out, like his heart is chewing on itself out of anger, or sadness, or betrayal. It feels like the moment when your heart skips a beat and you think this is it, this is how I die, except you don’t; except you’re stuck in that moment forever.)

JJ burps. It chips at the silence, but it doesn’t break it. Kie’s hand on his shoulder is frozen and the distance between him and John B seems like an ocean. 

‘Yeah,’ says JJ. ‘I don’t think that was what he expected.’

A sigh comes from Kie, but he doesn’t look. ‘When was this?’

‘About twenty minutes ago. I drove straight here.’

‘Drunk?’ asks John B. 

‘Does it matter? I’m here now. Safe and sound.’ He lets out a dry chuckle before he can stop himself, and shakes his head. ‘Physically, anyway.’

‘You’re not drunk,’ says Kie. It sounds a little like a scoff, so JJ looks at her, but he can’t figure out what her face is saying. Tight lips scream anger, but her eyes are soft as ever, maybe a little concerned. She glances between him and John B with one of her eyebrows slightly raised. ‘He’s a heartbroken idiot, but not drunk.’

‘Ah. Understandable. Should I—’

‘You know what being a heartbroken idiot means.’ Kie pushes herself off the couch and when JJ glances at his other friend, John B’s just as confused as he is. ‘I know a thing or two about getting your heart broken for a dumb reason. You two sort that out, and I’ll make sure Pope’s okay. Let me know when you’ve knocked some sense into him.’

Before either of the boys manage to comprehend her words, she’s out the door. The Kie-shaped void on JJ’s left side feels a little odd, so he pushes himself into that side of the couch. The beer is bitter at the back of his throat; he wishes some music would be playing. 

John B calls his name, so JJ looks at him. He’s giving him the puppy eyes, trying to get him to talk, and it’s because neither of them really know how to start. (Their affection is physical, not verbal. Kie’s the one who’s good at that. Pope is—)

‘Did you panic?’ asks John B. 

JJ shakes his head. ‘Don’t think so. Not until after I’ve said it, anyway.’

‘So what happened?’

There’s a pause, JJ feels his brow furrow, and then: ‘I don’t know.’

‘…you don’t know?’

‘No.’

‘So you panicked.’

‘No, I didn’t, it’s—’ With a sigh, JJ accepts the momentary defeat. He glances over and sees John B’s signature stare full of indecipherable intent, but nothing less than pure kindness. They’ve had their bumps, but they always came out on top. It’s the pogue way. Even if John B wears that stupid bandanna around his neck well into his married life of his late twenties. ‘I knew the answer was no.’

It’s John B’s turn to frown. ‘You’ve thought about it?’

‘No, I just knew. Like you know the ocean is salty.’

‘You know that because you’ve tasted it before,’ counters John B. ‘I doubt you’ve been proposed to before.’

‘I could’ve been!’ 

All John B offers is a long stare yet that is enough. He’s older by only a few months, but he’s also married and didn’t say no to the proposal (granted, it was him proposing to Sarah, but still) and kind of has got his life together. He’s still JJ’s dumb older brother, but he knows something JJ doesn’t. 

‘How did you know you wanted to marry Sarah?’ 

‘Are you reconsidering your answer?’

‘No, I just—’ JJ sighs again and tries to wish another bottle into appearing in his hand. Doesn’t work. Probably for the better. He just leans his head back on the couch and stares at the ceiling, connecting the dots in his mind. ‘I don’t know what I’m doing. I just want you to tell me how you knew.’

He hears shuffling, and then feels John B’s feet in his lap. (He’s not going to comment on the boat shoes. There’s been enough deflecting. He’s got to listen, because Pope is threatening to burst into the forefront of his mind any second now.)

John B gives out the deep, heavy sigh that only comes with a slight aah whenever he’s about to tell a story. ‘When we were young, she made everything come alive. Everything looked brighter and clearer, and it was like I could finally breathe with the entirety of my lungs.’

JJ closes his eyes, trying not to gag. ‘Bro. I’m not listening to that.’

‘But that’s how I knew!’ He could just hear the grouch in his friend’s voice and now he’s threading the fine line between laughing and gagging. ‘Seriously, JJ, you asked. I don’t— I don’t know what to say. I don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough.’

‘I am.’

‘No, you’re not. You’re deflecting.’

‘Big word.’

‘See?’ John B scrunches his nose, shaking his head. His thumb and index finger grip the bridge of his nose. ‘I know you’re confused. And scared. I know you panicked when Pope asked, but I don’t think you understand how horrible is the thing you’ve done.’

‘It’s not like I broke his heart,’ scoffs JJ, but the words are flat and his heart skips another beat. He doesn’t need to look at John B to knows he’s got his head in his hands. ‘C’mon, it’s Pope. He’s tougher than he looks.’

‘Yes, but he proposed, JJ. He asked to spend the rest of his life with you and you said no!’

‘I didn’t say no to that!’ JJ flings himself off the couch and now he’s pacing around the living room of the Chateau, marching circles around the coffee table. His forehead is pulsating; he’s probably having a heart attack. That’d explain a lot. ‘I said no to getting married.’

‘That’s the same thing.’

‘It isn’t.’

‘It is.’

‘It really isn’t, John B,’ he spits out. Christ, he’s getting hot. Is that his blood boiling? ‘Marriage is… It’s taxes. It’s prenups. It’s joint bank accounts, it’s added tension, it’s fucked up. Half of the marriages don’t even last.’

(Pope’s always talked about getting married. When gay marriage was legalised, before they were together, before they were out of the closet, even then he was openly delighted about it. He’s been talking about the two of them getting married for a while now, or at least hinting at it. 

He should’ve expected it. It didn’t come out of the blue. He saw the signs, just ignored them, because… because…)

‘If you’re scared marriage is going to ruin your relationship, JJ, I’ll have you know you’ve already done that yourself.’ 

This is about the point where everything just… It comes crashing down. The world does end the way JJ wanted it to. 

He feels himself growing very, very still, like when he was younger and his father raised a hand. He feels his breath halting in his throat and ears tuning out all sound, repeating John B’s words over and over until the echo became the echo of itself. He could feel the ground opening beneath him despite not moving an inch. 

When gravity drags you down to earth, your rose-tinted glasses shatter like porcelain. 

He sees Pope’s face of shock, then laughter, then embarrassment and betrayal at once, once he’s realised JJ isn’t joking. He sees him get up from his knees, hands shaking as JJ fumbles over his words, unable to find an explanation or an excuse. He feels cold sweat breaking out on his forehead, blood turning to ice in his hands. He sees his mum leaving, his dad’s hand raised; he sees people arguing and JJ wants to cover his ears. He sees himself, alone, alone, alone. 

And he sees Pope turning his back to him. Quietly. He doesn’t even argue back. Just takes the no and i’m sorry, i can’t do this, it’s never going to happen, not like this and doesn’t say a word. Just walks away. 

It’d be easier if he screamed at JJ. At least he’d know how to deal with that. 

Pope’s heartbreak is the quiet kind, the one that doesn’t ask for attention, just the opposite. Usually JJ’s there to hold his hand, to sit by his side until Pope’s ready to talk about it, or be somewhere around, far enough so that Pope deals with things himself, but close enough so that he’s there if he’s needed. He’s never been the reason for the quiet. 

Fire replaces the ice. JJ feels like the sun itself is tearing him open. 

‘Shit,’ he says. ‘Fuck.’ Then raises his eyes until he meets John B’s, blurry and barely visible. ‘I fucked up.’

He doesn’t realise he’s shaking until his knees buckle under his weight and he stumbles to find his footing. John B shoots from the couch and pulls him into a hug, wrapping his arms around him so tight JJ couldn’t have escaped if he wanted to. He didn’t. He wanted to be held, even if by a friend. 

He doesn’t sob because the sob gets caught in his throat, too, but he lets out a cough that says all the same. ‘It would’ve been easier if you yelled at me.’

‘I know.’ John B pats his back, letting JJ rest his weight unto him. ‘Pope will understand. That’s why Kie went to talk to him. As long as you realise you’re hurting everyone by being an idiot, you can make it better.’

‘I thought—’ He stops, because his words get fumbled again, and now he’s pressing his eyes into his friend’s shoulder like he’s all he’s got. ‘I don’t want to hurt anyone again.’

‘You’re not going to, okay? Just… Marriage is not all taxes, and you gotta understand that. It’s about knowing that if they get hurt, you’ll be allowed to see them. That you can get a house together, that you can look after each other if something goes wrong. That what you have is there to stay. Think of it as a promise.’

JJ snorts, but he doesn’t let go. ‘I don’t do well with people promising things to me.’

‘Then promise it to yourself,’ counters John B. The way he puts it makes it sound it’s as easy as breathing – JJ wishes he could feel the same. ‘Promise to stay with him. Promise to be around if something bad happens, but if something good happens, too. That’s what marriage is.’

‘I already promised that,’ he says. ‘His future and mine are the same.’

‘Then what’s the problem? Marriage is just making it legal. Making it formal. When what you have is honest and true, it doesn’t change anything. It just makes things better.’

JJ pulls out, feeling confident he can stand on his own two feet. He still feels a little lightheaded, but the thought of Pope possibly thinking that spending the rest of their lives together is the last thing JJ would want… That is the last thing JJ would want. Pope hurting because of him. 

JJ can’t afford to be scared anymore; living a life half-way ready to run is not living. 

He checks his phone; it must’ve chimed at some point because there’s texts from Kie, telling him where she is with Pope. His heart skips another beat, and at this point he thinks he could have enough heartbeats for a whole new person just from the ones he missed. 

He’s not dying today. He’s not dying before he gets to live the future he’s almost ripped out of his own hands. 

When he looks up at John B, he feels the hint of a weary smile on his lips. ‘I think I’ve got a promise to make.’

—

It shouldn’t be a surprise JJ finds them at the Boneyard, yet it’s still quite odd to see the scenario he’s seen a million times – Kie sitting next to the sea with her feet dipped into water as her fingers splash at the waves just about reaching her, and Pope… Pope sitting on the half-dunked log that’s been here forever, with his feet bare but not quite touching the water. His head is hung low and JJ can see the strain in his shoulders even from halfway across the beach; the cap is sitting on his lap, unused, despite the sun high above their heads. 

The sight tugs at his heart and he falters in his step, but John B’s firm hand on his back encourages him forward. JJ gives a slight nod; he’s not giving up on the courage. 

It’s Pope who notices them first and he stiffens even more; JJ sees Kie pat his knee before turning around and waving at them, then saying something to Pope. JJ wishes the wind would carry her words to him – is it encouragement or telling Pope he’s better off without someone who panics and refuses the one thing they’ve always longed for?

‘Don’t.’ John B pats him on the back. ‘I see you doing your dumb thought thing.’

JJ opens his mouth to say something, but whatever it was that he meant to say, it’s gone forever. All he can do is try and keep his shoulders from slumping and hands from forming fists; he can’t allow himself to be angry at the world, or himself. 

The sand creaks underneath his feet. He hates it in this moment, because it makes him aware of every step he’s got to take to get to Pope, and the steps drag into eternity. 

Pope locks their eyes. JJ tries figuring him out, but he’s too far, and Pope’s too guarded. 

(Not against me, Pope. Please. Not against me.)

When they get there, JJ feels like fainting, but he sets his foot firmly on the ground. He’s not escaping. 

‘Hey,’ greets Kie, and John B returns the greeting. The feuded lovers stay silent, just taking each other in. 

(JJ always wished he could paint. The lines of Pope’s face are shaped as if they were meant to withstand centuries instead of being washed away with age. He wishes he could offer to Pope more than just… himself.

He’s talked about this with Pope before, though. Feeling inferior to his boyfriend was always going to be JJ’s Achilles’ heel, yet he didn’t think it would come to this. He made another promise, ages ago – to try to see himself the way Pope sees him. The way other people see him. 

To believe in himself the way he believes in other people, for once.)

The silence is heavy, but JJ forces himself to not see it that way. Instead, he looks over to Kie, to John B, and says: ‘Can you guys give us a second?’

There’s nods and then they’re off, with nothing between the couple aside from waves crashing into the shore. Pope’s head is hung and shoulders slumped, and he’s sitting on this log with one foot pulled up and resting on it, the other hanging in the water now. JJ’s fingers ache to reach across for his, but he tells himself it’s not the time. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘Marriage scares me. I don’t know one that worked out, aside from John B and Sarah. I was raised to be on my own. Marriage means not being alone and that scared me, until I realised that… I haven’t been alone for a while now. The pogues, you… Nobody’s going anywhere. And if marriage is just a way to promise to you that I’m not going anywhere, either, and if it means so much to you, then I say let’s do it. I got scared, but never for a second did a life without you cross my mind. It’s — That’s my nightmare, Pope. Your future and mine are the same. Where you go, I follow. That’s the way things are.’

For a long time, it was JJ trying to come to terms with loving Pope – then it was Pope coming to terms with loving JJ. They’ve always loved each other, in a way, without quite saying it. It has never been the kind of love that is shouted from the rooftops – it’s the helping hand, the whispers of i got this, or you’re not alone in this, or i wish you could see yourself the way i see you. It’s the kind of love that’s etched into the air around them, existing as a part of themselves rather than something external. They’ve grown into it, shaped their lives around it.

It’s always been the beach for them. Their first kiss when they were seventeen, their first fight, their first promise to stick together through thick and thin. Every time something happened, something that mattered, etched itself into the back of JJ’s mind like the sound of his mother’s voice, it was always accompanied by the sound of waves on the shore; by the wind howling over the bay. It was always people chatting in the distance, or some music playing from a half-working speaker. It was always them, in the midst of other people’s lives. 

Pope proposed in their flat. 

When JJ drops to his knees, he doesn’t do his dumb thought thing. He doesn’t even think about it – for once, his gut isn’t telling him to run, but stay. ‘Pope Heyward.’

‘JJ—’

‘Can you let me do this?’ asks JJ. He laughs a little, shakes his head, and tries not to think about how ridiculous this looks. ‘I know I already had a monologue, but I don’t think I got my point across.’

Pope shakes his head, too; he isn’t smiling, but his eyes aren’t as strained anymore. ‘It’s okay, you don’t have to—’

‘I want to. I want this, okay? I want you to hear it.’

He can see Pope’s Adam’s apple bob, and he can see his shoulders slump in a relaxed way. The lines around his eyes soften and his lips nearly turn upwards, just a little bit. A little twitch is enough to shoot electricity to JJ’s heart. 

‘Pope, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life saying it to you. You’re my best friend, my boyfriend, and my fiancee, if you’ll have me after the shit I pulled today. Husband, then. Father of your children, because I know it’s what you’ve always wanted, and I want it, too. Whatever you’ll be, I’ll be by your side. It’s all I want. No matter what our status is, we’re always Pope and JJ. We’re always just us. And I really haven’t thought out what I’d say next because—’

Pope’s lips crash into JJ’s, his hands grasping at JJ’s face, and world pulls itself together again. When they part their foreheads lean against one another, and he can feel Pope’s breath on his lips, and he feels his hands burning on the small of Pope’s back, and he can breathe and breathe and breathe like his lungs have never worked properly before. 

(He understands John B now. Not like he’d ever admit it to him.)

He lets out a chuckle, and then he’s kissing Pope again – a small, chaste kiss, just to feel the softness of the touch. His fingers grip the back of Pope’s flannel and he’s laughing into the kiss. 

‘You’re an idiot,’ says Pope. ‘I should break up with you.’

‘Can’t. I’m too irresistible.’

‘Shut up. You’re cheesy. That entire speech would put John B to shame.’ 

JJ shakes his head again and then his thumb is tracing the line of Pope’s jaw, eyes transfixed by his lips. He almost lost this. He almost gave up everything out of fear after promising to never doing it again. (He’s making a vow, this time. It holds more weight.) ‘You loved that speech.’

Pope rolls his eyes, in the way that tells JJ he’s right. ‘Kie told me you were freaking out at the Chateau.’

‘I was,’ admits JJ. What’s the point of holding back the truth? ‘I was freaked out of my mind. I thought I’d ruined everything.’

‘You forget how well I know you, JJ. I was hurt, but I knew you would come back. Old you would run, but Kie came and said you’re at the Chateau, and you wouldn’t have gone there if you meant to run.’

‘I couldn’t ever run from you.’

‘You better.’

JJ rolls his eyes at the teasing tone in Pope’s voice, then pulls him in for a hug. It’s not long until Pope buries his face in JJ’s shoulder, and JJ kisses the side of his head. ‘I do want to marry you, if you’ll have me.’

There’s a pause and JJ feels Pope chuckle against his neck, shivering a little. ‘What is it that you said? My future and yours are the same? That better be in your vows, John B.’

‘Shut up.’ JJ feels himself burning, neck up this time, and tries to laugh it off. ‘I get to be cheesy once.’

‘Just save it for the wedding. I’d like to hear it again.’

JJ angles his body so there’s some space between them; he doesn’t hesitate before planting another kiss on Pope’s lips, reveling in the ease of movement. This is what coming home feels like, and if this is what future has in store for him, who is he to complain?