#Constant repeat in my head
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#Depression#insomia#tw selfhate#Sorry that I'm like this#Constant repeat in my head#And please don't tell me to go to thearpy#i can't afford it
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If anxiety was a doctor who episode it would just be Boom on repeat
#doctor who#just popped into my head like imagine the doctor stepping on a landmine and then everything is saved#but then he has to do all of that again#and watch the same people die and almost die#and he almost dies#and the constant stress being on that landmine#anxiety constantly making you feel you need to always be prepared for a fight#that on repeat just never be relaxed and the threat of death is always there#new who#fifteenth doctor#the doctor#mental illness#i have too many ideas
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tagged by the exceptional @cordiallyfuturedwight and @cosmicdreamgrl thanks ever so much my loves <33
now tagging some heroes @aprylynn @thvinyl @visionsofgideontheninth @hoseeok @btscontentenjoyer @jihopesjoint @monismochi @raplinenthusiasts <333 and everyone else
#and now with further ado:#good luck babe- if this hasn't been on rotation then you have an estranged relationship with pleasure and we've nothing to say to eachother#june baby - saw victoria canal open for hozier last year and have been in love since. this one is fab#kyrie - i watched the way way back a couple weeks ago and couldn't get this out of my head. great film. even greater 80s banger.#anyway i need sam rockwell in a way that is concerning#rotterdam - nothing to say about this one other than it's a beautiful song#deadly valentine - is it possible to watch too much of amc's interview with the vampire? probably. this lead me here. to the french.#charlotte gainsbourg you will always be famous#be the one - i'm just going to say it. objectively the best dua lipa track. won't be taking any further questions. watch her glasto set.#don't push it - this went platinum in my bedroom last week. floor filler. 70s funk is somwthing that can be so personal actually#cinderella - in remi we trust. just keeps knocking them out of the park#ain't we got fun - what can i say? it's my cost of living crisis anthem. blasting this at the polling booth thurs#don't tell me - exceptional tune. possibly (probably) my fav madge. this will be on repeat all summer#that'll do?#receiptify#tag#honourable mention to k.d. lang making the artist list!! constant craving am i right
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i can just feel that my computer is about to kick it. firefox makes my cpu usage jump from 10% to 70% just by loading a single page.
#its either that or programs these days are becoming too powerful for my nearly 15 y/o pc.#it's annoying!!!!! it makes me want to cry because what if my computer just. Stops. i cannot afford to fix it.#a decent pc (for what i need) is going to run me 1.5k Minimum.#even if i get a job Tomorrow it's going to take me a fucking year to be able to afford that shit between groceries and rent.#AND i have to pay my mom back for the fucking $13k in dental shit. (not her fault (obviously))#THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. to fix my teeth so i can get my fucking hearing back and so i'm not in constant fucking pain.#i hate this fucking country. i want to go back in time and kill ronald reagan 30 times over.#i want to bring him back to life just to torture the shit out of him. beat him within an inch of his life. fix him up. and do it again.#wash rinse and repeat until *i* die.#i want to go back in time so i can beat ronald reagan's head into a foamy red pulp.#i want to treat ronald reagan like those beat-up dolls. fling him around a small room. throw grenades at him. hit him with a fucking nuke.#anyways i'm going to stop blabbing about all the ways i would kill ronald reagan and i'm going to seethe over my computer becoming a brick.
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My sexuality is Rei zipping up his jacket in the Buddy Daddies opening
#been listening to the opening song on repeat while writing my master's capstone project#and that scene lives on a constant loop in my head rent-free#buddy daddies#suwa rei#rei suwa#SHOCK!#ayase
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noah kahan really was able to put into words what it's like to come from a small town; and what it's like to grow up in it, and how you hate everyone and everything but also love it because it's part of who you are and it's where those you love are from; but you constantly want to get out because you know there are bigger things out there; and you feel guilty about leaving and missing those you left behind but you're also proud for doing it, and you feel sorry for those who will most like never have the chance to leave but you somehow also envy them; and you feel nostalgia over a place you hated so much but you also loved so much; and ultimately you know someday you will most likely go back and it will probably feel like you biggest failure but also your greatest victory
#noah kahan#stick season#this album is in a constant repeat in my head#also i sobbed reading some of lyrics#i felt so seen#i'm just rambling
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Do you ship Redcloak with anyone?
i like these two
2023.01.14
#order of the stick#redcloak#oona oots#the only other redcloak ship i've seen is redcloak/vaarsuvius#which I never had enough interest in to sit down and consider#I could mayyybe be sold on a very dark and depressing xykon/redcloak. I haven't seen it before and idk how it would work exactly but there#is potential (thanks tumblr for cutting off my tag when i pressed post without any indication you were going to do that)#but yeah oona and redcloak is good imo#im not sure how compatible they would ACTUALLY be but their interactions are just so charming#he gives off huge Do Not Touch vibes#so the way he lets her manhandle him is... honestly... cute#when im having redcloak brainworms the part where she gives him a noogie is on constant repeat inside my head#something about it makes me wonder if he's touch starved. Anyway#i think oona is one of the very few characters he even marginally relaxes around#so much of his screentime is spent interacting with people he actively hates#and if he doesn't hate them then there's a certain professionalism at play that makes genuine connection difficult (eg with jirix)#there's something very fragile and very special about redcloak actually listening to someone. and I like seeing it#(that fragile special something may just be her race. but um let's pretend it isn't lmao)#oots#oona#also sorry for the late reply... irl stuff#csp
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The Maya Rudolph mother song is all I’ve been able to think about and will be thinking about for the foreseeable future
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thank u natalie im gonna crank 2 fics outta the thoughts i had cuz of ur twilight vid
#brain? meet worm#contrapoints#envy the hunger and twilight are just on constant repeat in my head now
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life is falling through my fingers more that usually
#i’ve been in a pretty much constant state of panic since january#and it���s gotten worse recently bc of 1. thesis writing (or lack thereof)#2. administrative problems at uni that i caused due to the constant state of anxiety and depression#like whyyyy do things like going to the uni office send me spiraling like nothing else#and i’ve been feeling weird and disconnected for a while now and nothing seems to interest me anymore#like i’m light headed in the worst way and i think if one thing goes badly i’ll genuinely fall down crying#and i can’t seem to do anything productive bc of the anxiety either#ok i checked usos. the administrative problem got more or less solved#oh thank god#i love depression loveee it love causing problems for myself that i later have to bother other people about bc i can’t solve them by myself#esp when you have to admit to them that mental illness is what caused them bc even when they’re sympathetic and nice about it i still feel#like such a pathetic idiot my god#also i’ve been thinking a lot abt how a pattern that repeats in my life is the lack of closure#from silly things to more serious ones#like how i didn’t attend my elementary school graduation nor the hs one#the first one bc of travelling and the second bc of covid#so i just closed my laptop and then went to pick up my diploma after matura results and that was it i never saw any of my teachers or#thanked them etc#and how all my friendships that died out were this kind of sudden drop like nothing happened but we just stopped talking one day and that#was it and idk where we stand#and how i seem to leave loose threads everywhere i go and i can’t tell if it’s just a coincidence or if i do that on purpose but#unconciously so as to not have to deal with things ending bc that scares me#i’ve never felt grounded in any moment and it’s so strange#also yeah yeah weird behaviour meant to save me from abandonment whatever#📓#niedziela wieczór i humor popsuty co mogę powiedzieć
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Today I received the only real birthday card I'll get. The other is from Hallmark with a coupon.
Sometime I wonder what I did wrong in life that my life ended up being so God damned pathetic...
My birthday is in a few days and instead of being a happy occasion it's just a bleak reminder of how alone I really am.
I'll officially be in my mid thirties with nothing to show for my life. No friends. No partner/significant other. No major accomplishments. Nothing. Just a family that more than occasionally treats me like garbage and a lack of a will to live. My life is just a big void.
#and her words keep repeating in my head... mean and nasty#it just keeps getting worse... like a constant whisper whenever i want to talk to someone...#what if shes right? if so i shouldnt get involved with anyone... no one deserves to be treated mean and nasty by me#so ill shut myself out#maybe im alone because i really am mean and nasty
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one of the most beautiful things about me is that i'm actually so normal. i'm actually so normal. i'm actually so normal. i'm actually so normal. i'm actually so normal
#this has been on constant repeat in my head for the past week. get me out of here#hey girl are you a haunted canyon because the echoes inside u are strange and off-putting#aspen tag#certified aspenpost#edit from the future: the tags on this are just as much a bit in their own right as the actual post. and i think that's beautiful
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#my intrusive thoughts don't make me Unloveable and disgusting#i say on repeat as my mind keeps thinking of the most vile disgusting things ever on this planet#how did this even get into my head and if I shared it would anyone want anything to do with me anymore#i don't want to keep this in my head but sharing it won't automatically stop it#but it will make others disgusted that those things could even be thought up in my mind wouldn't it#i feel. bad. and angry at myself. for even thinking of this.#i say I can't control it but the thoughts are in my mind. im still thinking it.#it's either pathetic that i can't control my own mind#or disgusting that I can think that and then subconsciously or something trick myself into thinking that it's not actually me.#and im sick and tired of all of these horrid thoughts but they aren't gonna go away soon#and hey it's usually not constant. im even able to (sorta terrifying considering what the thoughts are)#forget about it sometimes#so hey. can't be that bad right. ill push through it and be fine! im strong enough.#but I've said that multiple times before and it got worse and eventually was just a lie.#I'm horrible#sorry for the bother if anyone has to read these tags#i just. needed to think 'out loud' so to say
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*so riddled with anxiety and stress it’s starting to take a toll* i thimk. i have couvif.
#I’ve had to repeat myself like twice today and istg i almost bit their heads off#but i like kept it in#and i have a constant pit in my stomach#like i just always sort of feel like I’m gonna throw up#last night i hyperventilated so bad i almost passed out#legitimately have been considering resorting to uh. chemical means if you catch my drift#…woo!
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just kinda nauseous and off tonight.idk how people can sleep sometimes. i feel like death
#fool's monologue#the only thing i can think of. why is shit like this i mean thats not#i know why shit is like this it is a constant#but i guess the naive part of me keeps repeating it#over and over again like its gonna help#yeah no shit this shouldnt be happening. and it still is#and i just like#oh god#how do i sleep i cant sleep this is awful#this is awful this is awful this is awful this is awful this is awful#just. oh my god what do we do#i mean we do what we can#thats what we do#but i cant wrap my head around it what the fuck is any of this#why does any of this happen why is anyone okay with this#why is it everyone okay w it why does everyone go about everything normal#how how how how how#im not mentally ill im fucking losing my mind at how awful everything is#this is not mental illness this is not me having a breakdown this is just that bad#and i do what i cna and i do what i can but holy shit why is this happening#we're people we're people we're people why cant you see people#i know theres a reaosn i know theres a smarter way people put it im not that person im#fuck dude#this is so bad#this is so so so atrocious i cant even wrap my head around it#i know youre suppoosed to be strong and rational and hopeful and i definitely#am hopeful but i feel so fucking insane#its why over and over again just why#why is this happening to people#why god
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after a long day at work your favorite thing was coming home to your very handsome, very large husband. ghostie was always the best at his housely duties - cooking, cleaning, helping you unwind; he was really good at that. after a long day of being in the stuffy office, and the headache of hearing the constant complaining of your colleagues you we’re finally in your safe space. the marble counter top helped you bend just right, your flexible body awkwardly positioned but you were getting the best pleasure out of it.
as the soup boiled on low just a few feet away you were on your island, head uncomfortably positioned as you deep throated ghost’s fat length. his cock bulging in your throat and the repeated gags and spit bubbles. while your mouth was occupied so was simon’s. your cunt was in his face, slimy wetness decorating him like a face wash, his tounge licking at anything it reached. his objective though? was making your clit so puffy and fat!
you moaned around him, vibrations sending small shivers down his spine as his took a little nip at the fat of your lip and rose up spitting his cream filled mouth back onto your thumping cunt that made a big mess. ghostie moaned, while shaking his head disapprovingly and entered two of his chubby fingers into your hole watching as they stretched you. “nasty slut” he bucked his cock deeper into you groaning at your lewed sounds, and getting his fingers to match the pace of him fucking your face. “makin a mess on my counter tops. a greedy slut who couldn’t wait hmm?” you shut your eyes tight, pussy clenching around him and your breath getting shallow making you choke at the unexpected orgasm
“f-fuck doll take it” he held your head down at the base of his dick, stuffing your throat and shuddering in sensitivity as his cum stared to overflow from your mouth. he threw his head back fucking his fingers into your faster - an unimaginable pace that he knew he was making a mess with your messy insides. his kept his cock stuffed in your warm mouth but unmoving - he used his now unoccupied hand to slap your puffy clit chuckling darkly at your cries when squirt started making yet another mess on his marble.
ghostie was the absolute best at being a house husband. holding your naked body against his own, trying not to touch your sensitive clit as he held you like a baby mixing the warm soup that was now ready!
#— writings!#ghost x black reader#ghost x reader#ghost x chubby reader#ghost smut#simon riley x black reader#simon riley smut#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley smut#cod x black reader#cod x reader#cod smut#call of duty x black reader#call of duty x reader#call of duty smut#cod#call of duty#cod simon riley
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