#Considering that in the dc universe you only go to hell if you think you deserve it??

[fahbev]

You know, a lot of fanfics have the batkids call Damian “demon” or “demon brat”. And I’m just wondering if anyone actually does call him that. In canon I mean. Do y’all know?

[yanderismo]

Yandere Platonic Superman Concept/Idea (?)

BRO, BRO, I DON'T KNOW IF I LOVE OR HATE MY MIND FOR GIVING ME IDEAS THAT I'LL NEVER START OR FINISH. But okay, I have an idea for a platonic yandere Superfam, maybe it involves Batfam or the entire DC universe. I think this is more platonic yandere Superman. Let's go. (using the translator, be kind to me please 😭) 

— Imagine that you are originally from the Injustice universe. You were a neutral young/teen heroine who wasn't at all interested in siding with Batman or Superman. Well... that neutrality of yours had consequences, and now, somehow, Superman and Batman were in a bloody tug of war to get you on their side. And you are the cable they are selfishly pulling. And one day that cable would break, and that's what happened to you, you broke it. So broken that I would consider it irreparable. 

— But luckily for you (bro, are you lucky?), after so much physical and mental suffering, you ended up in a way that I won't explain, in the original DC universe. In other words, no superheroes is crazy tyrants. Too bad you don't know that (yet).

— You were living as if the world was a danger to you (just like it was in Injustice). But you discovered that you were REALLY in a different universe or timeline when you met Lois Lane, the woman who drove Superman insane after her death. And it shocked you, you thought maybe you had gone back in time. And as reckless as it was, you felt hope that you could stop the future of Injustice from happening, stop Lois Lane from being murdered! After all, you were still a hero, even if you had probably lost half of your original universe's neurons.

 — So you made a decision. You decided to protect Lois Lane! You practically become her protective shadow. Being noticed wouldn't do any good, and for SO FEAR of being confronted by Superman/Clark for apparently stalking his wife, you stopped watching her when Clark showed up and you went back when Clark left. (In your head, this Superman is the same Superman from Injustice, just before Lois' death happened). You were wary as hell of all the heroes. Anyway, a lot of trauma caused by Injustice.

— And I believe that Lois, even if she was a civilian, would notice that she was being watched (or maybe you're just not very good at stalking because you're a very young heroine). Whatever it is. Lois noticed and she became cautious (she is a journalist, there are many people who may not like her to the point of committing atrocities), as you could be a threat to her life. Although you haven't revealed yourself as any threat so far.

 — But let's suppose there were events in which she was in danger (actually, it was just something like shelves falling, preventing her from being run over, preventing some rabid dogs from biting her, small things), events in which you managed to remain hidden, however Lois knew it was You, her strangely protective stalker. Lois was trying to know your intentions and work it out for herself, so she didn't say anything about it. If this is something much more than she can handle, Clark can always lend a little help. 

— But on another one of those times when she was in danger, you desperately saved her (the situation was quite dangerous, more than normal), asking if she was okay and everything. Lois was surprised, you were surprised. Before you know, the idea of staying in the shadows went down the drain. You were almost begging (you were begging) her not to tell anyone that you were persecuting her (protecting her), you didn't want her to report you to some authority (that would only hinder your mission) or worse, report you to Superman. You said, stammered, that you were just protecting her. Wanting to make sure Lois didn't feel threatened and report you. 

— The desperation, the panic in your voice, seemed too young for Lois to feel comfortable. You were like a scared child, you looked very much like just a scared child, and that made Lois uncomfortable but at the same time... motherly. If you wanted to hurt her, you would have done it already. You at least accomplished one thing: making Lois not feel threatened by you.

 — The other thing you couldn't do was stop Lois from telling Clark about you. Look, I'm sure Lois didn't mean it, it's uncomfortable to be watched almost every day, but also, since she discovered you, she's been quite worried about you.

 — And Clark is all worried, like, "What?? My wife is being stalked??? Oh wait, my wife is being stalked and protected. Well, that's still very worrying, I'm definitely going to check it out for myself." Furthermore, Lois insisted that he be gentle when approaching you. And Lois saying this to him made him even more intrigued. 

— He tried to approach you just as Clark Kent, just to know how you would react around a seemingly civilian person, think of it as a method to read your character (he didn't want to confront you as Superman in a careless way. After all, who wouldn't Does he act nice or change to a more pleasant personality around Superman?)

— Needless to say, Clark was surprised and confused when you looked at him like he was the greatest terror of your life before simply running away from him. He recognized that look, only villains who were traumatized after a confrontation against him have that look (but the you look was much, much worse than that). That day, you didn't chase Lois.

 — Clark suspected you knew his secret identity. There is no longer any reason for you to have reacted like this. 

— lol, that day Lois noticed the absence of the feeling of being watched and scolded Clark for scaring you. Although it wasn't his fault, he apologized. He really didn't mean to scare you ;( You were gone for a few days after that. But of course, you still had to protect Lois in her everyday life. Even if you were scared. 

— Anyway, it didn't matter how softly, friendly Superman approached you next time. You ran, or at least tried to run. Do you really want to bet on who is the fastest? He easily caught you and held you by your forearm. And that was enough to make you scream, cry, struggle and finally, shrink as much as possible.

— And Superman was all confused, he wasn't even hurting you or squeezing you hard. His voice was also friendly. If anything, it made him even more worried. Add the fact that you appear to be very young and his paternal instincts kicked in. 

— To his surprise, you pulled out a knife. Something like that couldn't hurt Superman, of course not. But who said the knife was meant to hurt him? Let's say you picked up the knife and tried to slit your own throat as a last resort escape. (What did you go through with Superman from Injustice to the point that you tried to commit suicide just to escape him?) 

— Superman was surprised and then horrified. He immediately knocked you unconscious before you cut deeper into your throat. Now with you unconscious, you seemed more vulnerable and fragile than you should have been. Now he understood why Lois was worried about you. (You know, if Batman can adopt multiple children, why couldn't Superman...? You seem like a good kid and even Lois agrees with that. Conner and Jon would definitely like to have a sister) 

— Superman wondered what happened to you that made you reach the point where death was a usable route. He wanted to question you personally, but the moment he confirmed that you knew his identity (you acted the same way when he approached you as a civilian. He was the only one to receive this reaction from you and no one else), this matter became the subject of the Justice League. Discovering the identity of a superhero and pursuing someone close to that superhero was not going to be taken lightly. Who's to say you don't also know the identities of others? Although Superman wants to deal with you alone, he doubts he'll get any information out of you with you yelling and screaming. So he took you to the justice league. 

— Batman can definitely help you solve this.

(Imagine the anguish it would be to probably have to get used to people having the same appearance and the same voice as your captors in Injustice. Imagine them acting all soft after finding out you come from a universe where the heroes are corrupt and broke you😩)

Notas: I leave the rest to you. Or to any author who wants to use this idea (I beg you, some author write a Yandere platonic Superman/Superfam fic😭 They could even add other platonic Yanderes like Batfam, it would be so interesting 🙏😭)

(I just realized that the one who acted the most Yandere was Reader herself, lol)

[thewulf]

Sir || Aaron Hotchner

Request: Do you think you could do a Hotch x ADHD reader where they are energetic and talkative all day since Aaron came back from a tough case. With the constant questions and comments Aaron gets irritated due to stress and says something like “can you be quiet for 5 seconds please” or “enough with the stupid questions, it’s annoying” and the reader ends up talking less with him and only responds with short answers and they try to suppress their ADHD ticks around him.

A/N: Well, I couldn't sleep on the plane home yesterday and I found a surge of inspo! Had so much fun writing this one. I just adore Hotch! Thanks for the request! @ghostridrr

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Y/N

Word Count: 3.9k +

You’d never expected to be dating an FBI agent nonetheless fall hopelessly head over heels for the guy in a matter of months. Coming from humble beginnings in a small southern town. Not many people made it out, but you did. You were determined. Determined to get the hell out and never look back. So, you did. You made it happen. Working your ass off through college becoming a civil engineer and finding a job at a firm in Washington DC you quickly found your groove. You worked your way up from an engineer to a manager to a project manager within ten years. Loving your job meant giving your all which didn’t leave much time for your personal life nor a love life. It’s not like you hadn’t tried you were just busy.

 It all hit you on your birthday that you wanted more. You wanted a partner. You wanted to have a life with somebody. For years you put in effort to try. Dating good guys and shitty ones alike. You were about to give it up for good after the years of trying. But the universe had a different plan for you.

It all started so casually on a sunny Monday morning at Quantico. Your firm had been contracted out to completely renovate the old Quantico offices and bring them into the 21st century. You’d absolutely fallen in love with your job, the project manager, over the course of the six months. Between working with the clients, budgeting, staging, and executing the demo and construction you’d found loved. It was the perfect job that kept your busy brain occupied and constantly moving. Always showing up to work with a big cheesy smile on your face and ending the day with an inevitable streak of dirt across your shirt or jeans.

Everything went so smoothly until your crew moved up to the sixth floor. The BAU. Whatever the hell that is. Apparently, nobody had warned the boss man and he wasn’t too thrilled to say the least. You were used to working around the residents of the floor, but this wasn’t starting out to great considering your crew would be working on the floor for the next few months.

“What the hell is all this? Why is there tarp in my conference room?” A strong voice broke you from the planning board you were reviewing with your construction Forman, Eric.

Snapping your head around you made eye contact with possibly the most handsome man you’d ever seen. Of fucking course he had to be hot as hell. This was certainly going to make things way more interesting for you.

Putting on your best smile you slowly walked over to him, hardhat and high visibility vest and all, “I’m so sorry sir. I thought somebody from your leadership would’ve informed you. My crew is starting some demo and renovations on this floor today. We’ll do our best to keep the noise down, but we might have to kick you out of a few spots every now and then.” Trying your best to charm the man with a big smile you only felt intimated when he simply just looked at you. As if he was studying you. Not frowning, not smiling, stoic as hell. You involuntarily took a step back. Intimidating the hell out of you.

He must’ve picked up on your discomfort as his straight-faced gaze softened ever so slightly. He pinched the bridge of his nose as you cocked your head to the side observing him. He must’ve been choosing his words very carefully.

“I don’t have time for this today. I’m sorry.” He sighed in clear frustration. A real frustration you’d seen time and time again on the job.

You frowned. Annoyed at his leadership for failing to tell him you were about to ruin his next few months as your crew worked through the floor. You had to think quick. This was your job after all, “I’ll tell you what sir. We’ll start over on those conference rooms this week. Hopefully that gives you time to sort it out?” You pointed to the rooms on the other side of the office, not the large one his team clearly needed.

He gave you a curt nod. His gaze almost fully softening as you tried to compromise with him still with a genuine smile on your face. Even he had to admit that smile was breaking him down far faster than he would’ve thought possible. He had yet to even look at a woman since Haley’s death, that was years ago now. It freaked him out a little. He’d been so fine on his own. Figuring out a good routine with Jack and Jess. Getting too complacent. He knew it wasn’t fair to Jack. Especially since he was getting to an age where a mom was crucial. Jack needed somebody to lean on and it certainly wasn’t fair to Jess to pick that up.

“It won’t mess your plans up?” The handsome stranger asked you. Your smile grew as you knew he was going to be willing to work with you. More often than not you’d have to get into with whomever was arguing back with you, often the government trying to shut you down. But you knew better. You always had all the permits you needed and knew the rule book like the back of your hand. That’s why you excelled. You never let anybody get the better of you. ADHD was a curse and a blessing at the same damn time.

Shaking your head you continued, “Not at all! That’s construction. You plan, and then it changes 45 times before you actually start. It’s no big deal at all. Really.” You tried to reassure him. He looked embarrassed that he was so upset only a few moments prior. The last thing you wanted to do was make him uncomfortable. You knew you had at least two months of face to face with the guy. Starting off on the wrong foot was the worst thing you and the crew could do.

“I’m sorry. If you wouldn’t mind. We have a crucial case involving some kids…” He stopped himself before he divulged too much. He didn’t want you to get kicked out on his own accord. He knew you only had a clearance to enter the building. Nothing more, nothing less. He wouldn’t risk that at your stake.

“No explanations necessary sir. We’ll find a better day to demo.” You never dropped your smile as you maintained eye contact with him. You found that making sure to look whomever in the eyes always met you with better than looking around, looking scared.

“Aaron. Sir is too formal. Aaron Hotchner. My team, whenever they get here, will call me Hotch. Call me whatever.” He stuck his hand out for you to take. Gently you set your hand in his. You’d always been taught to go for the death grip when shaking hands. It established dominance or some bullshit like that. Especially since you were a woman in such a male dominated field. Working in a man’s world was exhausting. But something struck you as different with the man. So gentle it was.

“Nice to meet you, Aaron. I’m Y/N.” He shook your hand just as gently as you set your hand in his. You weren’t sure if he felt the pull that you felt but you simply couldn’t take your eyes off him.

“It’s nice to meet you to Y/N.” The handshake when on for a little too long. You were positive Eric was going to give you hell for this when you walked back over, “And again, I’m sorry for the outburst. These cases get stressful.”

You laughed a giggle that shouldn’t have come out of your mouth at work. His stoic expression tweaked into a soft smile after hearing your laugh, “Believe me when I say that was tame. The yelling matches I’ve gotten in with men twice my age are too plentiful to count.”

He laughed this time finally dropping your hand, gently of course, “I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”

You shrugged, “Part of the job. Plus, it’s fun to yell back sometimes.” His small smile grew into a much larger one, eyes crinkling and all. You’d done it. You’d charmed him.

“Hotch!” A female voice came yelling out of the conference room, “Round table, let’s go.” The pretty blonde-haired lady smirked at him before turning back to the room. The two of you failed to see his team file in during the conversation.

He broke his gaze turning around to see his agent vanishing from the doorway, “Got to go. Nice to meet you Y/N. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.”

You nodded your head, “Likewise Aaron.”

The rest was literally history. He ended up bringing you some sort of coffee or baked good every morning he was in the office, which you learned very quickly wasn’t all that often. He and his team seemed to be away more than they were actually there. You took advantage of that and fixed their office spaces and conferences rooms right as they left for their trips. You’d check in with Penny to make sure you weren’t in the way when they got back.

Small chit chats in the morning turned to lunch “dates” as Eric so kindly called them. You’d refused to call them as such, not ever truly able to gauge whether he was actually interested in you or not. You tried to make it as blatantly obvious as possible, but he was Aaron. Calm, cool and collected. The two of you had even been the butt of office jokes as you got closer. You didn’t seem to care though. It felt too good with him to give whatever you had up.

Lucky for you those lunch dates turned to dinner dates and before you knew it you were meeting Jack and spending time at his place. Weeks turned to months, and you were spending almost every night at the Hotchner’s. You and Jack were getting along as thick as thieves. Aaron even trusting you to watch him while he was gone. You made Jack promise not to tell his daddy that you gave him ice cream almost every night. It was a secret between the two of you.

Jack was off on a summer camp, and you’d just wrapped up the Quantico project leaving you far too bored sitting at Aaron’s place. So, you did what you always did when you had nothing to do. You cranked up the music and started cleaning. It was a Tuesday morning, and you really weren’t expecting Aaron to get back from his case. It was a long one out in Colorado. He never gave you the specifics, but he sounded horribly upset each night when he was on the phone with you. Distracted and distraught.

You hadn’t heard the door open and close as you were upstairs cleaning. But when your music abruptly stopped you hightailed it downstairs to get it going again. To your surprise your boyfriend was standing at the kitchen island rubbing his temples. You should’ve known there that he wasn’t going to be in the best of moods.

“Hon.” You grinned ear to ear seeing him standing there, “Your home! How was the trip? Happy to be home? I missed you tons. Especially with Jack being gone, I haven’t had anybody to talk to.” You wrapped your arms around his front, hugging him from behind. You were usually really good at picking up on social cues, but you must’ve been too damn excited to see him to pick up on his mood.

“Y/N.” He gave you a half smile before squeezing your hands tightly but gently. Like he was afraid of losing you.

“Aaron.” You let go of him brushing the now overgrown hair out of his face, “Are you alright? Was the trip okay? I just missed you so much. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad. I’ve really gotten used to having Jack around. I wish you didn’t have to go so often.” You admitted.

He sighed a deep one, “It was a tough case.” Was all he gave you. You should’ve known there that he wasn’t going to give you much else. But your stupid ass brain decided to ignore the cues. It wasn’t really your fault that it bounced around so quickly. You’d even taken your meds today. It was something about Aaron that seemed to break anything those meds were holding back.

“Want to talk about it? I know you never do but it could be good for you. You know? It’s not great to hold that kind of stuff in. It’ll eat away at you.” You just wanted him to be the Aaron you knew. Not the ball of stress standing before you.

He shook his head, “Not this time.”

“You sure? You look upset hon. I don’t like to see you like that.” You continued not noticing him closing his eyes. Surely more than irritated with you at the moment. But were you going to catch that? Nope.

“Positive.”

You nodded, “Alright. If you say so. Are you hungry? I can whip you up some lunch…”

He interrupted you before you could go on whatever long winded rant you had built up, “Y/N, can you be quiet for five seconds please? I’m trying to think.” You were turned away from him and didn’t see the immediate regret that washed over his face. He didn’t really mean it he just needed you to stop for a moment. He wasn’t expecting you to be home and wasn’t ready for the bombardment of questions. After cases that involved so many deaths it took him a moment to come back around. He needed a second to himself. The job was hard and you knew that.

And with that you felt your heart deflate right then and there. The smile that hadn’t dropped since he came home immediately vanished without a trace. Your happy eyes immediately dropping and filling with hot, wet tears that desperately wanted to spill over. You’d been with him for almost half a year and that had yet to come out of his mouth. It took you by surprise, to say the least.

“I’m so sorry.” You squeaked out before walking out of the kitchen hastily. You weren’t good with conflict. Always running away from it.

He knew he fucked up. You weren’t overly sensitive, but he knew what he said was over the line. Especially since you were simply trying to help him. But he also needed that moment. So, he shamefully let you sit upstairs with your thoughts. You had an issue of letting things ruminate in your head for far too long.

Letting the tears fall you continued to clean the bathroom in silence. Why were you like this? As soon as you got comfortable with someone you seemed to ruin it with your dumb ass brain. You should’ve known he was exhausted. He’d been gone for nearly two weeks. Cases never ended well when he was gone for over a week let alone two. You should’ve backed off the second he started giving you short answers. Stupid stupid brain ruining everything.

Once you finished you thought it best to spend some time back at your own apartment. The last thing you wanted to do was annoy him into breaking up with you. Tip towing downstairs you found him asleep on the couch. Biting your lip, you scribbled a note letting him know you went home making a dumb excuse that your friend needed you. As much as you wanted to spend the night with him, he clearly needed it alone.

It wasn’t long after you got home that your phone buzzed. Looking down you saw Aaron was calling. Deciding it best to give him space you decided not to pick up. When it rang for a second time you answered, “Hey.” Why were those stupid tears threatening to spill again?

“Sweetheart where are you?”

You frowned, “Home. Emma needed some help with a dress.” You partially lied. Your friend Emma really did need help hemming her dress, something you were oddly good at. But she wasn’t coming over until the weekend.

“Oh, are you coming back after? We can make Spaghetti, your favorite.” You knew this was his attempt to apologize. Quickly realizing in the relationship that Aaron was a quality time kind of guy, his true love language.

Should you? You weren’t feeling great about the whole thing and a night away might make the heart grow fonder, “I don’t think so Aaron. I’m tired and she’ll be over for a while.” Another lie. You hated doing this to him but you just couldn’t confront it head on. It just wasn’t something you were ready for.

“Oh, okay.” He sounded sad. It made your heart lurch just thinking about it, “Come over tomorrow after work?”

“Yeah, sure.” You knew you were being short with him but God, you just didn’t want to annoy him. A specialty you’d seemed to master.

“Everything alright sweetheart?”

Everything was not alright, “Yeah, just a bit tired. I should get going, she’s almost here.” You hardly heard the confirmation on the other end of the phone before you hung up on him.

You didn’t sleep well nor work great the next morning. Aarons comments ringing in your ears over and over again. When it came time to go home you took his route home. Knowing you had to confront this at some point. Aaron would make you. He always did. As bad as he was with words, he always made sure to talk things out.

Somehow, his black SUV was parked in the driveway. You had an inkling feeling he was going to beat you home no matter what. He might’ve even taken the day off today. Walking through the front door you found Aaron in the kitchen cutting up some tomatoes.

“Sweetheart.” He smiled while dropping the knife and walking over to you. Wrapping you in a tight hug he made sure to give you an extra squeeze. He was a profiler after all, he knew something was amiss.

“Hi.” You mumbled in his chest. Breathing him in completely you let your eyes close as you leaned into him. He was clearly trying to make it up to you now, might as well let him.

“Have a good day?” He asked while prying you away from his chest.

Shaking your head you decided to answer honestly. The little white lies you told yesterday making you feel gross, “No, not really.” Yawning you leaned your head back into his chest.

He starting brushing through your hair with his fingers having an inkling as to why, but he needed to know for sure. He hated hurting you. You were nothing but sweet to him and he returned it by snapping at you? He’d done it to Jack as well. He knew it was something he needed to work on even if he wouldn’t say it out loud.

“And why’s that?” He asked softly making sure not to startle you.

“Didn’t sleep great. Then my boss decided to put me on the worst project. Pipes.” You sighed. It wasn’t an attack on you, every project manager had to have a hellish utility job. You were just next on the list. It couldn’t have come at a worse time though. Pipe work meant constant oversight, and anything could shut the project down. Tedious and annoying but necessary, you knew it.

“I’m sorry honey.” He confined brushing through your hair.

“It’s fine.” You signed closing your eyes as you listened to his heartbeat. You weren’t in the mood to talk which was strange for you. You always wanted to talk. To dive a little deeper. Understand him a bit more. But you weren’t feeling it. Was it actually your mood or were you just terribly self-conscious now? You refused to ask that question as you shoved it to the back of your mind.

“You sure it’s fine? You’re awfully quiet. I miss my chatty girl.” He knew he needed to apologize. He should’ve just spit it out already. But he wanted to see if he could see if it was anything more. He’d never seen you so down and out. You were always there with a smile and seeing you so sad had him worried. Had he done that to you? Did you not sleep because of him?

You nodded into his chest, “Yeah, ‘M just…” You paused. Was it really worth not telling the whole truth? Aaron would figure it out. He probably already had. He was doing that profiler shit on you now. As annoying as it was you grew to love it. It was him. You loved him. Everything about the man intrigued you, “Tired.” You finished. Not the whole truth and you knew it.

“Honey.” He kept brushing through your hair knowing how much it calmed you.

Feeling a little surge of bravery, you looked up to him, “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dismiss you yesterday.” He paused giving you a brief kiss on your forehead but not giving you enough time to respond before he continued, “I love all your questions. I really do. It’s just this last case was rough. And I know that’s no excuse to treat you like that. It’s just… this guy. He targeted women that looked just like you. It’s been an awful two weeks. I just miss you. Please stay?”

“Oh Aaron,” You frowned but squeezed him tightly, “I’m so sorry. If I had known…”

“I should’ve told you. Don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing.” He kissed your forehead again holding it there. Just holding you in his arms.

Feeling so safe and secured in his arms made you feel every emotion all at once. Thrilled that he still felt the same about you. Embarrassed you took it so personally. Scared you would mess this up. So in love with the guy who recognized so easily what was bothering you. It was all too much for you. You couldn’t try to stop the tears that flowed down your cheeks even if you tried.

Aaron pried you away from him taking your head in his hands. Softly he wiped away the tears with his thumbs with a sad look on his face, “I’m so sorry sweetheart.” His eyes searched your face for anything. His heart breaking just a little more seeing your hurt expression across ever feature.

Nodding, that’s all you could do. Absolutely you accepted his apology. He was so sincere with it you know he meant everything with his entire heart, “It’s okay.” You managed to choke out between breaths. After a moment the tears finally stopped. You’d normally be horrified by the sudden outburst but with him you weren’t. You knew he had you.

“It’s really not. I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again.” He assured you wiping away the final tears.

“Thank you, Aaron.”

He pulled you back into him, “I’m not perfect but I promise you I’ll try.”

“I know that.” You beamed up at him. You felt so much better. Words always helped, running away never did.

“I love you, my dear.” He smiled down at you while rocking you back in forth in his arms.

“And you know, I love you too.”

Taglist: @twilightlover2007 @morgthemagpie @ashie-babie @buckybarnessweetheart @wendy234678 @adhdannieedison @emilykolchivans @aurabambi @pipecleanerweyesfp @simp4f1 @ghostridrr @sunflowers-4

[necrotic-nephilim]

@sasheneskywalker i love when you enable me to ramble about things because oh my god do i have thoughts.

so recently, i made a post discussing the phenomena of DC x DP and DC x MLB crossovers and why they exist and part of that post was discussing how largely speaking, at least half, if not more of the Batfamily fandom doesn't read the comics. if they interact with canon DC material, it's adaptations that are their own sequestered universes and oftentimes not remotely comic accurate or seeking to be. the most obvious example is the Young Justice cartoon. i'm adding a cut to this post because it just got so long i'm so sorry.

a lot of times, when people are discussing the "why" of this oversaturation of fanon-only fandom, they blame Wayne Family Adventures. and i think, to a point, i agree WFA is responsible for a boom in this fandom. but as someone who's been in the fandom long before we had WFA, to me it's the other way around. WFA was DC's way of meeting the demand for this easy-to-get-into, easy-to-consume content about the Batfamily that predicates itself on the comics just enough to be vaguely the same characters, but has a more sitcom, slice-of-life sort of vibe so DC could profit off of this section of the fanbase that otherwise wasn't consuming its primary material. and well, it's definitely worked. not only that, but i have a weird theory that the decline in the MCU also led to the rise in the Batfamily fandom. when you consider the fan content that made the MCU popular within fandom, it's that 2012 "they all live in Avengers Tower and Thor is eating poptarts and Clint is in the vents and there are movie nights every Friday" sort of vibe. those were the fics that were a hallmark of the fandom. and as the MCU has strayed from well... quality content in general, but specifically well-thought-out crossover content where characters can have their own arcs but also exist in a wider story where they clearly care about each other, that fandom was sort of homeless. so where do you go, if you like a superhero found family where you can have villains for angst but also stick them all in one big family-like home for silly crack and have a plethora of options for gay ships? well. you go to the Batfamily. if you write a crack/fluff Batfamily genfic with silly vibes and low stakes instead of say, a fic about a very specific comic issue even if it's a popular comic, you're *going* to get more traction for the former. because the fanbase largely just isn't reading the comics.

and i feel... complicated about this. because on one hand, Don't Like Don't Read has been a tenet of my fandom experience. i'm very pro-fandom and that includes fandom content i don't like. and to an extent, i do think this sort of should apply to Batfamily fanon. i enjoy having my moments with other comic purists, giggling over exceptionally painful OOC headcanons or even facepalming in pain over some content but it is on me to not interact with that content. you don't make fandom a better place by being hostile to fans who engage with canon in ways you don't approve of. and frankly? we as comic readers are not going to get non-comic fans to read the comics by being asshats to them. no one is going to want to pick up any comic if we get a superiority complex about it. and also, i feel like we're all lying to ourselves a little bit insisting comics are so, so easy to get into. they're not. we can just all agree, they're really not. i've been single-handedly helping my sister get into comics, specifically Wonder Woman and no matter how simple i make it, i watch her get frustrated trying to understand what pre-Crisis and post-Crisis and New-52 and Flashpoint and all these things mean and what a retcon vs a reboot is and what a Crisis Event is and what the hell Diana's current backstory even *is*. sure, you can give someone a beginner list of comics to start with and slowly dip their toes in the water but sooner or later, *something* is going to confuse them. comics as a medium straight up aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. and if someone *just* wants to read silly fluffy fanfiction about the Batfamily, i can't entirely begrudge them for not wanting to take the hours and hours out of their day to understand this medium. it's not an accessible medium to get into. "read this and this, but this run is out of print and this run wasn't collected in trades at all but also make sure you read that event in order and this is a good comic but the backstory in it is retconned and you *have* to read this it's so important but it's also really bad because the author kind of sucks" sounds. ridiculous for someone who like. just wants to read some stuff about Nightwing. sometimes, we all make reading comics sort of sound like a chore, not a hobby.

so my point is, i do extend some grace to Batfamily fanon for existing. i think my biggest gripe is, as i said in my other post, misuse of tags (if you're not creating content about comics, maybe you don't need the comics fandom tag on Ao3, just the all media types umbrella tag) and my far bigger gripe: when panels are taken out of context to support fanon only headcanons. if i could impart *anything* onto the Batfamily fandom as a comic fan it'd be this: if you haven't *read* the comic, don't spread the panel. if you don't even know what comic it's *from*, don't spread the panel. it's fine to use comic panels to discuss your headcanons, but so often i see someone spreading a comic panel from a comic they haven't read, and when asked where it's from, they can't source it. a silly example that comes to mind is a post going around, taking a panel where Dick, in his internal monologue goes "here comes the sun. do do do do." and the post is claiming it's from him getting buried alive. when that panel comes from Nightwing (1996) #140, and he gets buried alive in Nightwing (1996) #127, two completely different moments frankensteined together. if you're going to not read the comics, that's completely fine, but unless you're sure of the source and the context, panels shouldn't be spread around. i'm sick of this specifically happening to Red Robin (2009), with ppl claiming Tim has totally killed people because he blew up some of Ra's' bases, when those panels within context, make it clear he gave everyone time to escape. and in a later arc in that very comic, Tim grapples with the idea of murdering Captain Boomerang, and *specifically chooses not to*, because he doesn't agree with murder, even against the person who has hurt him the most. if you'd like to write fanfiction where Tim is pro-murder and has done some sketch things, i'm totally on board and would probably like to read it. but there's no need to pretend it's canon from a few panels you saw out of context.

beyond that, i think it's not *entirely* correct to say that fanon is harmless. whenever i see very WFA-positive posts, they often default to the argument that WFA is fun and silly, and comic fans are killjoys for not liking it. which. i think is complicated because the issue is, WFA and fanon don't exist in a vacuum. if you like WFA power to you, i don't think it's the worst thing ever, but i do think it's degrading to these characters because honestly? they feel incompetent in the webtoon. it's one thing if WFA was solely a slice-of-life sort of deal, just having silly episodes where Bruce is taking on a PTA mom or they're all fighting for the last cookie. but when WFA attempts to take on more serious plots with these characters, it *fundamentally* falls flat in understanding them. i get it, Bruce comforting Jason having a panic attack because a noise reminded him of the crowbar felt cute in a microcosm, but i'm so serious when i say that storyline destroyed how like. half of this fandom understands Jason Todd's relationship to his trauma. it doesn't understand how he reacts when he's triggered, what coping mechanisms he seeks out, and how he would handle Bruce comforting him. even if i can believe for a brief moment Jason *would* be triggered by something like that, him running and trying to hide and then getting a hug from Bruce to make it okay is just. painful. WFA needs everything to be wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow. so even when it starts to tackle interesting concepts, it makes them fall flat with its need to be soft, low stakes, hurt/comfort. there was a two-parter episode that dealt with the complicated mutual hatred/jealousy between Tim and Damian that *almost* really interested me because for once, it felt like the webtoon wanted to explore canon messy dynamics. but of course, it had to be fixed with one conversation and a hug. you don't mend the *years* of issues these characters have like that. WFA isn't in character because these characters are hyperbole cartoonified versions of themselves to fit within the medium and be a cute happy family.

because that right there, is the crux of it. the Batfamily fanon seeks to simplify the Batfamily and force them into a nuclear family. there are so many fantastic posts on here discussing how the nuclear family-ification of the Batfam is eroding decades worth of complex histories so i won't go too far into that. but what i will say is that there's this need, in the Batfamily fandom, for the Batfamily to exist as a unit. they are a *family*. (honestly i think calling it the Batfamily is a misnomer and has been for years but we're in too deep now.) they exist to each other first, and any teams or friends they have come secondary to this family unit. you can *specifically* see this demonstrated in what headcanons are becoming popular these days. i have an entire lengthy meta in my drafts about how i *loathe* the "the Batfamily meets the Justice League" genre of fanfic because it makes no *sense*. in order to have this genre of fic exist, you must operate under the assumption that no one in the League, or adjacent to the League, knows the Batfamily exists and are thus utterly shocked to discover Batman has kids. and to make *that* work, you have to strip *every single Batfamily member* of such important dynamics and friendships so you can lock them all in Gotham for their whole lives. Dick can't have the Titans, Tim can't have Young Justice, Duke & Cass can't have the Outsiders, Jason can't have the Outlaws, Damian can't have the Supersons, Babs can't have the Birds of Prey, and so on. because if they had these relationships, they would be known to the League. the Batfamily fandom doesn't care about this, it's just "silly fanfiction", it's not trying to be serious. but how can you say you like Dick Grayson as a character if you don't understand the Titans *are* his family? at some points of his life, moreso than the Batfamily even is. it is constantly repeated to us in most comics with Dick how much the Titans mean to him. he *needs* them to be who he is. the same extends to every other Batfamily member, most of which have been full League members at this point. but in fanon, that doesn't matter. the Batfamily are a sequestered unit first, and all of those side relationships are secondary and easy to toss away, if it makes your fanfic work better.

and because they have to be a unit first, you have these forced relationships that dump years of actual canon material for the sake of making them get along. the Batfamily fandom has its favorites and well. it's no secret it's usually the boys. Jason and Tim by *far* stand out as fandom faves so, their dynamic is a heavily explored one. it does matter that in canon they don't tend to get along and especially don't see each other as family. what matters is that you can push dynamics onto them. and so fanon gets all twisted up about which Robin Tim actually idolized as a kid (Dick) and what member of the Batfamily is pro-murder but still an older sibling figure to him and looks out for him (Helena, or if you want the dynamic of once tried to harm Tim but they've reconciled, Jean-Paul) in favor of who's the most popular. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian are always going to be the standouts for popularity, but it's specifically Jason and Tim who are getting fanonized the most. and that's because really, we don't have much canon content of Tim that *isn't* the comics. for Dick you've got Young Justice (tv), for Damian you've got the DCAMU, for Jason you've sort of got the Under The Red Hood movie, but Tim sort of lingers in this limbo. (yes, he's in Young Justce (tv) and Titans (live action) but in neither is he the main character nor given much depth) so, he gets a *lot* projected onto him and has become fanonized. and even with Jason's animated movies, you don't see him interact with Tim, so people build it from the ground up how they want to see it, disregarding of canon comics. i think it's what makes him so popular in the first place- he's malleable into whatever you want or need him to be.

and of course, the fanon ignores other characters in the Batfamily it doesn't know about. i feel like you could create a tier list of Batfamily characters by their popularity, going from the fandom main characters: Tim, Jason, Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Damian. to the underrated: Steph, Duke, Babs, Cass. to the forgotten about unless they're convenient for a story: Kate, the Foxes, Helena Wayne, Carrie, Selina, Harper Row, Maps, Minhkhoa Khan. to the absolutely unknown: Helena Bertinelli, Jean-Paul Valley, Onyx Adams, the Clovers, Julia Pennyworth. it's not lost on me that the ignored characters tend to be women and people of color. which is both a canon and fanon problem, DC will continue adding interesting characters to the Batfamily, play with them for a few years, then drop them to default to the "Batboys" again. and it's a vicious cycle of the fandom only caring about the "Batboys", and thus people entering the fandom via fanon osmosis won't have content about the other characters, therefore, they won't be interested in those characters enough to create it, and it's just this ouroboros consuming itself, no matter how much canon content we have of these other characters. and it's ridiculous just how large the Batfamily is becoming because of this, which is why i'm a pre-Flashpoint fan, because then the Batfamily was contained enough to actually feel like a family with every character having nuances relationships with each other, but i digress because those thoughts could be their own post.

and the thing about fanon is it doesn't exist in a vacuum. DC has started turning the comics to accommodate for what fans are asking for, because fans will beg and beg for content they're not going to consume. Tim Drake: Robin had Tim as a coffee drinker because that's the fanon accepted headcanon. and the resolution of the recent Gotham War arc was for Bruce to buy this new manor for everyone to move in and call him. nevermind that most of these characters have their own homes and have zero reason to be moving in with Bruce. Tim had his marina in Tim Drake: Robin, Dick has Bludhaven, Cass and Steph have their little side of town in Batgirls (2022), and so on. these characters are being forced together as a unit, as one big happy family living together, to appease what non-comic fans want and it's damaging comic relationships. Robin: Knight Terrors saw Jason and Tim team up and working together, which i've seen varying opinions on but i personally despised. their interactions made zero sense for any of their canon history, but it appeases them being this close sibling relationship that fanon acts like they are. also the fears they faced in their respective knight terrors didn't make sense for either character and *only* worked as a moment of bringing them together so they could reassure each other and have this weird dreamscape bonding moment. the canon is bending itself to the will of fanon rather than building on the pre-existing complex relationships. Tim barely even gets along with his most important team in Dark Crisis: Young Justice because it seems the only important relationships the Batfamily can have is with each other. and when we do see them outside of the Batfamily, it only seems to be to relive the glory days like with World's Finest: Teen Titans, instead of developing them as they currently exist. this isn't recent in the comics, it feels like you can trace it back to the New-52, but it does feel a *lot* worse over the recent years. WFA is fine when it exists in its own bubble, but the simple truth is, DC content never exists on its own. the adaptations will reflect back onto the comics. (the damage the Young Justice cartoon has done to some characters should honestly be studied) and so it does frustrate me a bit when fanon-only or adaptation-only fans act like we're being nothing but killjoys for being frustrated with this. since they don't read the comics, they don't see how the comics are suffering as a result of this.

people argue about what's out of character for the comics they don't even read. i'm sorry, but "bad dad Bruce" is consistently canon. that man is just kind of shitty. when you take someone who has the drive he has, who has this need for the Mission first, who needs a teenager in spandex next to him to keep him off the ledge, that guy is sort of going to be a shitty father figure. he just is. not on purpose or with malice, but when you compare him to any other dad in a big DC family, he sure takes the cake. it's why characters like Oliver Queen tend to *really* fucking hate Bruce for how he treats his kids. Bruce loves fiercely, but he doesn't do well with putting that love first. and his love is a controlling one, he is very particular about controlling how others in the Batfamily are "allowed" to operate. it's what drives the wedge between him and Dick, it's why Steph is never a true daughter to him. (besides the reason of her needing to be a love interest to Tim first, anyway-) i've never understood the massive outcry of people reacting to Bruce kinda being shitty in comics they're not reading. there are some moments that get ridiculously OOC with how cartoonishly evil he is (the whole Gotham War arc and that... complicated mess with Jason) but largely if you want sitcom loving nuclear father Bruce, you have to accept that is a fanon thing, not a canon one. the Batfamily being a nuclear family in *general* is fanon. most of the "Batkids" don't actually see Bruce in a particularly fatherly light and begging for moments where he calls them his kids or they call him dad outside of incredibly specific circumstances is just OOC.

it's getting harder and harder to exist peacefully in this fandom it feels like, if you don't comply to the standard fanon has set. i'm happy people are having fun with their blorbos, even if in ways i dislike, but that "harmless fandom fun" does ripple it's way back to canon, eventually. so i end up pretty tangled with my feelings because are fans at fault for DC making these poor decisions? probably not, but it certainly feels like an unfortunate cause-and-effect situation whether at the end of the day, nobody is happy. and of course, i know some fanon-only fans are striving to be more canon accurate and care about canon dynamics more than others, but for them it's always going to be an uphill battle with the above-mentioned out-of-context panels thrown around and ever-pervasive fanon overtaking anything that's truly seeking to be canon compliant. so really, it sometimes feels like we're all losing.

[a-god-in-crime-alley]

So I’mma do a quick rant on Tim and the whole “forever 17” thing people are always going on about.

Disclaimer: some of this is based on my own experience with how I changed as I got older and comments from people that I went months and years without seeing.

I’m AFAB so it’s not quite the same. But I’ve never been one to remember a skin care routine and have relied on good genetics and good hygiene to make this point.

When doing some calculations for another post (you’ve probably seen that post I reblogged about the batkids ages) it hit me WHY it doesn’t look like Tim has aged.

Sure it might just be a style choice because DC wants to keep a chokehold on their Teen audience with Tim. (Even though Damian is RIGHT THERE!!! DC stop making Damian look like Tim for the love of GOD!)

A lot of people don’t actually CHANGE that much from ages 16-24 as long as they are keeping to the same exercise routines and diets. With the exception of Tim’s Brucequest, he kept to a fairly stable routine for Years!

The reason most people change so much early on is because they drop off their usual exercise (gym class) and repetitive diet (school or packed lunch). So you see people’s weight fluctuating (this can have an effect of visible face shape) hair either thinning or thickening and skin either clearing or getting more acne.

Add this to Tim probably having pretty good genetics (his mom looked like she was maybe pushing 30 when she died but was probably closer to mid 40s. Both Janet and Jack were around 10 years older than Bruce, who would have been mid 30s at the time.)

Tim not showing any signs of facial hair can also be down to genetics. Some cis men just NEVER get more than a single chin hair, maybe a max of 5 sparsely scattered along their chin. Those guys usually just pluck them out. They never actually have to shave. Though I think we Have seen Tim shaving again one point. Can’t remember when.

Either way, it makes sense for Tim not to actually look his age in any more than muscle mass. He’s noticeably built compared to how he was when Damian was introduced. (When the artists are going for a more realistic art style.)

Then considering his most recent dimensional adventure to save Bruce after the shit with Failsafe, you see just how much older he looks next to his mother (from that universe) and she didn’t seem that surprised with how he looked. Meaning her version of him is probably around the same age, and anyone who read that issue can see she looked pretty young.

Add all this to the fact it’s Canon that Jason is 23! He’s only at most 3 years older than Tim but is probably closer to 2 years older. (With Jason being 15 going on 16 when he died. And Tim was 12-13 by the 6 month mark after Jason died and Tim became Robin.)

So in conclusion, DC needs to stop acting like Tim’s still a Teenager and acknowledge that he’s a lot closer to 21 (hell, if we go by proper calculations he SHOULD BE 21).

What I’m saying is give us Tim going out for drinks with his older brothers. Have him show up at Jason’s after something bad happens and ask if he’s still up for that drink (in reference to that one time Jason offered to get a 16 year old Tim into a bar.)

Give us Funny Drunk Tim shenanigans to balance out that Dick is a miserable drunk! Have Jason get stuck babysitting both of them because he’s the only one that can actually hold his alcohol. Have the Girls be watching and laughing from across the bar because they unintentionally had their Girls Night and the same place the guys had their Boys Night.

Please DC, I am Begging you!

[muffinmonstah-art]

I was wondering how you got into some of the Barbara Gordon ships you like because I feel like she's a very unpopular character to ship with others and most people don't really bother having fun shipping with her.

I have this nsfw hc about Barbara where I feel like because she is someone who always has to be in control of situations that when she is sharing intimacy with a partner she likes to be controlled/dominated. Which is ironic because I have a nsfw hc about Jason Todd where I feel like because he didn't have control of situations in his life that he needs control and would seek out control in intimate situations with partners and would need to dominate.

I'm just an observant viewer who pays attention to character dynamics I think are interesting and the ship grows in me naturally. I don't give two cents about what other people on this fandom think it should be banned, cancelled or not allowed to ship for dumb idiotic reasons.

"But Barbra should date other people outside batboyes!!11111" "But the Arkham games aren't allowed to create an AU with an adult Tim Drake and pair him up with Barbra they're cancelled now!11111" "But Bruce and Barbra are like father and daugther I command everyone to cancel this ship and Bruce Timm is pro-incest weirdo who should be banished from the industry for daring to ship them together!!1111"

All background annoying noise in my ears. Weak reasons crafted by childish people not worth obeying. They're also hypocritical. Like, many of them would love to see a gangbang between Dick and the batboys. Hell, they headcanon Dick as a slut who likes to get banged by every older man on this universe and that's ok (I'm not judging. I'm ok with those headcanons as well, since I ship JayDick, SlaDick and BruDick with passion), but for Barbara to headcanon her the same way is morally wrong? Screw them.

Don't they realize the problem is DC putting mediocre writters to write Barbara into fucking DickBabs of all things and not the fans who dream about their own stories featuring this character? All the problems they try to inject into BruBabs, JayBabs, TimBabs, etc are already present on canon DickBabs lol.

-She got deaged and her personality got reduced into forever hormonal silly teen girl so she could be paired up with Dick and fullfill the trope of the americanized shoujo-like romance in comics.

-She changed from being Batman's love interest and an indepentent hero to be "like a daughter" to Bruce and subjugated to the Bat-family so she can be a pretty accesory to Dick.

-When she isn't dating Dick, she has to be thinking about him, mentioning him, comparing him to her current love interest. She also needs to be thinking about him and talking about him when she's working.

-She doesn't have any agenda of her own anymore, she only exists to be Dick's love interest and get comicbros horny by fullfilling the rol of being a female Batman with tits and ass.

All those problems are DickBabs problems, not JayBabs'. Not BruBabs'. Not TimBabs'. When BruBabs was a thing, Barbara was not a deaged insufferable idiot. She was independent. She was an equal comrade in arms to Bruce. When JayBabs got a few issues back in Batman Ethernal (I'm not counting Three Jokers because that's a whole other can of worms), she helped Jason go into a little arc and their bond progressed naturally from working together on screen. When TimBabs was a thing in the Arkham games, she was the best version of herself there's around, period. She was professional, a computer genius as Oracle, who was focused on the mission and being Tim's love interest was just a small part of her, not her defining core. And also OH. LOOK. Those devs proved you can cut DickBabs from the equation and have Barbara and Dick be themselves and their core character traits remain untouched LMAO. GET REKT YOU PIECE OF SHIT PAIRING.

So yeah, considering alll those points I just expanded upon, I say I'm in my right to ship JayBabs and TimBabs. And BardBabs too. Jason Bard also got disrespected and fucked over DickBabs and I don't fogive nor forget.

"But age difference!!!1111 you pedo shit1111"

That hyprocritical argument FOR SOME REASON does not apply to JayTemis I guess. Shipping JayTemis is ok while that bitch is like +200 years older than Jason, but with Babs is morally wrong because of her being like 11 years older than him? Fuck this logic. I don't care. At least I'm not deaging her. I'm respecting she is an experienced woman who went through tons of dark stuff and Jason admires that. Hell, in my headcanon, with Jason being a crimelord who has traveled all around the world learning assassin training, he would be bored as hell with some 20 years old girl. Lmao. What would they even talk about?

And I love Arkham Tim Drake and I think every creator is on their right to create their own AU story. The Arkham devs created their own thing and I love it. I ship the hell out of Arkham TimBabs, pair that also allowed me to have single Nightwing dancing his pretty ass over my face on his purest expression. 10/10. Antis go cry me a river.

"But you don't want Babs to date anyone outside the bat-family111!!!"

My favourite strawman argument. I debunked it the moment I declared myself to be a Jason Bard simp and a BardBabs shipper.

End of my rant/insight post.

Now it's my turn to tell you to get into SasoSaku, anon. SasoSaku is life. (Joking, joking)

[asksmg4hollowau]

Garth from @ask-marios-apprentice asks

I decided to ask each of you a question

SMG3: How is your loan to get your coffee business currently coming along. I know it's a bit hard considering your job as a meme guardian gets in the way a bit.

SMG4: How is your family, what was their reaction to you becoming a meme guardian.

Meggy: Were you born a sort of demon inkling hybrid but then became a full demon? How did that work?

Melony: what was your relationship with Axol like in this universe.

Karen: as a werecat. Would have been possible that you were born this way or did you get infected by another were creature. Like a were human or were wolf, or a were cat, or a were gearmo, or a were Koopa.

Tari: is there an esports league in the Mushroom Kingdom. If so who is currently part of it.

Kaizo: how true is your name are you. Do you have any involvement with obstacle courses that are insanely hard for no other reason other than satisfaction for completing set obstacle courses.

Bob: are you still friends with Boopkins and Whimpu.

Mario: what is your favorite platforming technique.

Saiko: Do you remember playing in the 2019 summer Spicy Man cross Splatfest. I think my dad got tickets since AC/DC or Metallica os going to be playing at the event.

Belle: How is the efforts to educate the prejudiced individual. Assuming you didn't beat them up.

Hopefully you're able to answer these questions. But if you can't, i understand.

"Oh that... I got that already... it's doing..."

"Fine I guess..."

2. "I don't have one... haha... ha..."

3. "Uhhh... not hybrid... I think my parents are both sinners... and I'm a hell born I believe... because I was never human... for the inkling part it's due to my parents both being inklings, people kind of just call them squid demon... blunt but not wrong. Now I'm kind of just more hominoid and stuff... not too bad... as for how it works... I don't actually know... it's confusing as hell..."

4. "I think he's wonderful... such a sweetheart... and a good drawer... we had a great relationship... but..."

"He's uh... no longer alive sadly..."

5. "Well I did use to be human... what turned me... I'm unsure... it was so long ago... even then I wasn't sure... my mind was just... fuzzy..."

6. "Yeah there is! The only person I know the name of though is this girl named Evylen."

[Meta runner ref hehehe]

7. "I have no clue what you are talking about."

8. "YeAH lOL... It'S prETTy chILl..."

9. "Any one that does make Mario see his own stuffing on the floor!"

10. "Yeah I did play in one... don't think it was the 2019 one though..."

11. "It's going fine... not as hard as I thought..."

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Egg Fu

(WARNING! This analysis contains RACISM! Seriously, just look at this fucking guy, holy shit! What were they thinking?!)

People always have different answers to why people just don’t know Wonder Woman’s adversaries to the same extent that they know Batman or even Superman’s, despite her being one of the Big Three of DC. Some say it’s because Diana is all about diplomatically resolving conflict, and thus ends up befriending her foes. Others claim it’s because she kills her enemies. I’m not sure if either of these groups know what they’re talking about because I don’t read comics as extensively as some, but considering what we’re talking about here I’m guessing DC wants to keep people from knowing her enemies because if they do, they’ll find shit like Egg Fu.

Like, just look at this fucking guy. Look at him.

Like I get comics were racist back in the day, but this one takes the cake. What's even more insane is how they keep trying to revamp and revitalize the character in the modern era, from being a bad guy from Apokolips:

To... whatever the hell this is:

There's got to be reason, right? Why are writers so dead set on trying to rehabilitate the racist communist egg man?

Motivation/Goals: As a Yellow Peril villain, Egg Fu exists to show the EVILS of communism while also making sure to show Asians in the most unflattering light possible. He's not particularly good at either job to be honest, dying every time he comes across Wonder Woman and being so utterly absurd a concept it's hard to take him seriously at all. Like, he's an egg. For what reason? I mean yeah there's the pun, but why is he a fucking egg in-universe? What's the benefit of being an egg with a prehensile mustache? How exactly does it help dominate the filthy Americans (oh, I'm sorry, the Amelicans).

Final Fate: In his very first appearance, Wonder Woman does the right thing and fucking cracks this egg:

When the next Egg Fu shows up, she does more of the same:

Unfortunately, when another Egg Fu named Dr. Yes (he's a robot duplicate, because of course he is) showed up, he got away.

As for the modern Egg Fus, they're probably still kicking around. I'm not reading through fifty issues of storyline to discern the fate of some rebooted racist egg man, sorry.

Best Quote: Surely such a character as Egg Fu must have some great dialogue! Let's see, how about...

Oh. Oh dear. That's, um, not great. Uh, what about...

Oh fuck that's even worse. Er, there has to be something here...

Oh god, the only thing worse than racism is finding out a mid-tier DC movie starring Dwayne Johnson has arrived!!!!

Yeah no this guy gets no points in this category, his dialogue ranges from generic bullshit to the kind of stuff you'd hear from the City Wok guy on South Park.

Final Thoughts & Score: So a while ago I reviewed Fu Manchu, a villain that absolutely fascinates me. He is the archetypal Yellow Peril supervillain who has had an absolutely undeniable impact on popular culture, altering history by spawning legions of imitations (such as Egg Fu here) as well as doing things such as giving a name to a style of facial hair. As with all villains that have such a colossal influence, he got an 11 with an asterisk denoting how monumentally racist the character was, despite their being positive aspects to him that were fair for the time period he was created in.

Now imagine that but without any of the positive qualities. That’s Egg Fu.

This is such an absurd, baffling supervillain even for the time he was created. Like, okay, I get racial stereotypes were prevalent in a lot of comics… but a giant communist egg with a prehensile mustache?! Far be it from me to suggest writers were on drugs when coming up with their wild ideas, but you have to admit that substance abuse would go a long way towards explaining why this was allowed to happen. Simple racism can’t explain this; it’s a giant fucking egg.

I think the sheer insanity of it all is what draws me to this character. Not only is it blatantly racist, they also keep trying to bring back and reimagine him. And like, yeah, that’s kind of sick and I love when weird-ass ideas get revamped and recontextualized for the modern era… but Egg fucking Fu? It’s bad enough we had Egg Fu the Fifth and his evil clone Dr. Yes all within the span of a year before being dropped for decades, but then they decided to dust him off and try a redo? Why?

I think the appeal to try and revitalize him comes from the fact that, as far as stereotyped and racist caricature villains go, Egg Fu is so fucking bizarre. Like I can't stress enough this is a giant communist egg who speaks in broken English and has a prehensile mustache. In a sea of Yellow Peril villains he easily stands out despite being relatively obscure from the sheer fact he's not simply a racist stereotype; he's an insane racist stereotype that just boggles the mind as to what the writers and artists were actually trying to say with this.

The history of this character is just so weird, his very existence is weird… He’s the opposite extreme of Fu Manchu for me. While Fu is fascinating for his impact on culture and deserves the highest marks with that caveat that he’s also extremely problematic, Egg Fu gets a 3/10 with a similar caveat. He’s so bad it’s good, but he’s bad because he’s a racist caricature, which isn’t great. I see this like I do the movie The Conqueror, the movie where John Wayne played Genghis Khan. Yes, it’s absolutely absurd and tasteless that these white people are playing Asians, but at the same time everything about this is so absurdly racist it crosses the line twice and somehow manages to become hilarious. Like what are you even trying to do here? It’s offensive in a way where you can’t do anything but laugh at them because they genuinely thought they were on to something here.

And that’s ultimately how I feel about Egg Fu. They really thought they were cooking something with this one, but this egg didn’t poach them any new readers and he hasn’t gone over easy with modern audiences. It’s really hard not to crack up at this complete yolk of a character. So yes, Egg Fu is enjoyably bad in a “What were they even fucking trying to do here?” sort of way, and he’s definitely one of my favorite insane comic book villains that time has forgotten… but there’s no denying that this is a character who is inherently problematic.

Anyway, this review has given me excessive racism poisoning, so I think I'm going to review a comic villain who isn't horribly offensive next time.

COMING SOON! PSYCHO-ANALYSIS: HEMO-GOBLIN!

The South African white supremacist vampire who gives people AIDS!

(Just kidding, I'm reviewing Snowflame).

[jamalgripperton46290]

Sweet Puddin' (Harley Quinn x The Joker)

Jamal Gripperton's Masterlist

A/N (if you haven't already read it go read it now then come back)

A/N - HAPPY KINKTOBER ONCE AGAIN PPLS! (we got lots of kinky stuff going on in this one). This fic contains spoilers for the Suicide Squad movie so if you haven't watched it yet and you want to, this is your sign to click off. 

P.S -I have never read the comics or seen any other movie besides suicide squad and know nothing about the dc universe so this might not be that accurate or whatever, just a small heads up. Google also told me that The Joker's name is Jack Napier, so we're going with that.

(This chapter is dedicated to our second ever commenter, but the first on  Wattpad, ow10306010. Maybe you'd read this on another bus trip someday, who knows?)

•••

Reading a book and sipping espresso was Harley Quinn, who was in her cell, which now had a bed. After defeating the Enchantress and the Enchantress 'brother with the 'Suicide Squad' aka Deadshot, herself, Katana, Killer Croc, El Diablo, Captain Boomerang and Colonel Rick Flag. The air in her cell was the same as before she'd gone with the others to "save the world" at the risk of their lives, under Amanda's command. Cold, stale and funky smelling. It was still deathly quiet as before, only the occasional whirring of her espresso machine tore through the deafening silence of her solitude.

 So yeah, I guess you could say that her life was better than a couple months prior. There was at least something else to do except hang off the tattered cloth that was tied to the upper bars of her cell, or when that was taken away, mope around on the floor. It was lonely, hell, it always was. Doesn't seem like that would change either considering she witnessed the helicopter her Puddin' was in blow up.

She was completely alone now, with no one that would care enough about her to have a single thought of her that wasn't negative after The Joker had passed. Flipping through the pages of her book as she read to take her mind off the loneliness she had and drinking a lot of espresso were her only ways to escape the burning in her heart.

Said burning was connected to the ticking time bomb, that once the whole thought of being lonely for the rest of her life and probably not ever escaping the literal and figurative prison she was in, would detonate on her already corrupted mind, thoughts and being. Erasing every one of the few faded memories she had left. 

Just like what she did to The Joker.

-

"I did everything you said, I helped you!" Harleen spoke out breathlessly.

"Ah... you... helped me... by erasing my mind, what few. Faded. Memories I had?" 

"No, you left me in a black hole of rage and confusion" The words fell off his tongue, laced in venom, spite and rage.

"Is that the medicine you practice? Doctor Quinzell?"

"What are you gonna do, you gonna kill me Mr. J?" Harleen had tried to hide her fear but failed as her tone and eyes gave her away.

"Oh, I'm not gonna kill ya, I'm just gonna hurt ya, really, really bad." 

"You think so? Well, I can take it"

The Joker snapped the brown belt in his hands and placed it between her teeth.

"I wouldn't want you to break those perfect, porcelain capped teeth, when the juice... hits your brain." He whispered the last part and gripped the mysterious items in his hands.

Then, he pressed them to her temples.

-

The memory made the bile at the back of her throat even more sour as she pushed the thoughts back and tried to put her mind back to her book but unfortunately, failed to do so as more and more memories came rushing to her at full speed.

-

Nine huge, bubbling tubs of Ace Chemicals sat far below the platform Harleen and The Joker were stood on. Harleen stared at the tubs blankly as The Joker stood a few feet behind her. Smoke or steam, she couldn't tell, floated above the tubs, small lights encircled them as well.

"Question..." The Joker's voice spoke out from behind her. He never failed to make her weak, no matter how little or how much he did.

"Would you die... for me?" He walked a few steps closer to her, so did Harleen.

"Yes" Harleen replied almost immediately.

"That's too easy..." The joker paused to think for a second.

"Would you... Would you live for me?"

"Hmm?" He spoke again once she didn't reply for a few seconds.

"Yes"  

"Careful, do not say this oath, thoughtlessly."

"Desire becomes surrender, surrender becomes power." The Joker continued in a hushed, whisper like tone.

"You want this?"

"I do" Harleen replied.

"Say it, say it, say it, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty..." He whispered.

"Please?" Harleen's tone was on the brink of begging.

"Oh God, you're so... good."

The Joker took a few steps back and Harleen's back was facing where the tubs were. She leaned back and begun falling, falling into the tub of bleach whit chemicals and to her probable demise. He stared over the edge after Harleen fell into the tub. 

While walking over to the door, he paused, letting out a frustrated sound, he turned around and took off his jacket, walking over to the edge of the platform again and jumped off, into the tub. He pulled Harleen's body up to the surface and connected their lips in a searing kiss.

As he pulled away, Harleen gasped for air and The Joker started laughing maniacally.

-

Harley shook her head, as if clearing her head of all the other memories of him. Suddenly, the wall behind her had blown up and multiple armed people speedily walked in, shooting every guard in sight. After successfully breaking into her cell, a masked man walked towards her, Harley stood up from her bed and blandly stared at him as he took off his mask. Underneath the mask was The Joker.

"Puddin'!" Harley wrapped her arms around him joyfully.

Although she was confused how he was here and how he wasn't dead, when she watched him be blown up. Excitement still flooded her, he was here. Here in her arms, next to her. Living and breathing. Harley couldn't believe it.

"Let's go home" He drawled out.

The Joker scooped her up into his and carried her back to his car, placing her body onto the seat. Pressing his foot on the gas, the car's engine roared beneath them. As the pair speedily cruised through the pretty empty streets, The Joker grew more and more impatient, moving one of his hands to Harley's thigh, groping and kneading it as he drove.

The hunger that had bubbled through him the entire time the two had been separated festered in him, bubbling up like boiling soup on the stove. He couldn't just wait 'till he got home to pounce, but he had to. Pressing his foot even harder against the gas, a race against the clock until the insatiable hunger in him bubbled over, leaking all the emotions he'd been holding until he had Harley back in his arms.

God, he missed her. He could barely keep the already destructed little shards and pieces of his sanity together as he worked relentlessly to get her back in his arms. He missed her body, the amount of control he had on her and how he had her wrapped around his pinky finger. If he could, he would pull over right now and fuck her into an oblivion until she's a crying, squirming, overstimulated mess.

However, The Joker didn't want to just pull over and fuck her senseless on the side of the road in the confined space of his car. He wanted it to be in the comfort of his own home, behind closed doors and against a large, comfortable mattress in the plush, soft sheets of his bed. So, he pushed his desire for her away and continued driving.

Soon, the sun had gone and welcomed the cold embrace of the moon and night. The streetlights -which were now on- cast a warm glow below them, lighting up the roads and sidewalks. 

After what had seemed like decades, they arrived at The Joker's house which was -obviously- much bigger than a normal house, a mansion if you will. He hastily parked the car and led her back to his room. Sinful thoughts flooded his mind even more every step they took closer to the comfortable, solitary confines of his room, Harley seemed to be thinking about things similar to what he was, judging by the rose tint that spread across her face and the sudden silence of her sly comments and small giggles.

Opening the door to The Joker's bedroom, Harley was pinned against the wall as The Joker's lips were smothered and slotted between her own. Teeth clashing and tongues sliding against each other, the lewd sounds of their lips meeting filled the room along with the occasional moan or groan. The kisses were full of desperation and lust, his hands were also full of desperation and lust as they aimlessly roamed Harley's body, groping the soft, fleshy skin.

"Take off those clothes, doll" Jack spoke slightly breathlessly after he pulled away from the kiss.

A grin grew on Harley's face as she peeled off her clothes while maintaining eye contact with him. Jack sat on the bed, hungry eyes devouring the sight before him as the tent in is pants grew larger. Slowly taking off the last of her clothes and tossing the garments somewhere, Harley innocently batted her lashes at him, her lip caught between her teeth.

"Come to daddy" Jack slurred as he took off his shirt.

Harley giggled at his words as she walked up to him. Jack motioned for her to get down on her knees, so she did. She looked up at him through her lashes, patiently waiting for him to say something.

"Show me how much you missed me" He whispered in a seductive tone.

After hearing those words fall from his lips, she began to unbuckle his belt and push his pants down. Beads of precum leaked out of his rosy tip, taking it into her mouth and paying special attention to the slit. Jack groaned at the feeling, tilting his head back as he'd remember the euphoric feeling of her lips wrapped around him.

Bobbing her head up and down, her saliva dripping down his length and pooling at the base. Harley gagged slightly once the tip deliciously hit the back of her throat. Groans slipped off Jack's lips as pleasure engulfed him like a warm blanket of ecstasy. He continued pushing her head down and fucking her throat as lewd sounds floated around the room. As Harley continued is cock twitched in the warm cavity of her mouth, just before shooting hot, sticky sperm down her throat.

"Go on, swallow it all" Jack growled, hazy eyes watching her as she did so.

A smirk grew on his face as he lifted her up and placed her on the bed, her back against the plush material. Slowly, he spread her legs apart and inched his face closer to her throbbing, dripping core. Harley let out a shaky breath as her eyes followed his, practically drowning in anticipation of what he was going to do.

Harley softly gasped at the sensation of Jack shamelessly spitting on her sex, her arousal mixing with his saliva. Still maintaining eye contact, he dragged his now flattened tongue from her weeping hole up to her throbbing clit, swirling his tongue around the sensitive bud. Her thighs twitched slightly at the feeling, soft whimpers escaping her throat as he sucked her clit.

As Harley's hips rolled and thighs twitched in pleasure as Jack tongue fucked her tight hole, he wrapped his arms around her thighs, forcing them apart and still as he worked his mouth quicker. Drawing out more moans and whimpers from Harley's soft, plump and swollen lips. (the ones on her face ya dirty dawg) Jack slurped, sucked and licked at her fluid leaking cunt, making her hips buck and her fingers grasping at the messy strands of his hair, tugging and pulling at them. As Jack continued eating her out, Harley un-knowingly tried to push his head away from her aching core, too engulfed in her pleasure to notice that she was.

"If you want me to eat you out 'till you cum then don't try to push me away" Jack mumbled against her pussy lips before delving right back in, tongue and all.

The more he worked her pussy, the closer she got. It was pure ecstasy, her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she clenched around his tongue, a symphony of moans and chanting of his name as if he was a god that was about to condemn her to the fiery pits of hell.

Jack groaned as her cum painted his tongue, his taste buds practically exploding from the taste, making sure to slurp up every drop of her delicious nectar. Pulling away from her wet core, her slick covered his lips and dripped down his chin. Jack then connected their lips together in a slow and sensual kiss, their tongues sliding and lips connecting and disconnecting. Harley pulled away and chuckled softly at the look in his eyes.

"Get on your hands and knees baby, you know how. Face down, ass up" Jack growled out with a grin on his face.

Harley did exactly as he said, her hands gripped the cozy sheets that lay beneath her, the same sheets that would soon be covered in bodily fluids. Jack grabbed his length, rubbing the tip against her increasingly wet folds before slamming all of it into her tight, warm hole which made her loudly moan. Placing his hands on her hips, Jack started thrusting his cock in and out her pussy. The lewd sounds of skin meeting, moans and the wet, squelching sounds of his dick pumping against her hole of fat and human flesh filled each and every corner and crevice of the room.

"Fuck yeah, take my cock like the slut you are" Jack groaned as he continued jack-hammering his appendage into her fleshy cunt.

Resting her cheek against the plush mattress, Harley moaned in response, unable to form words with the pleasure that surged through her. The ecstasy was almost blinding, more moans slid off her puffy lips as his tip brushed her cervix. Jack slowed down slightly and pulled out a small, sharp blade then dragged it across her soft, pale skin. The dark, crimson fluid leaking out the wound, a stark contrast to her porcelain skin. Harley whined at the sensation, pain and pleasure that molded and mixed together which felt strangely euphoric.

He continued to glide the blade across her prior unbroken skin, Harley's blood painted her back like an artistic mosaic painted by the hands of God himself. Licking up the crimson that flowed out of the fresh wounds, Jack groaned at the delectable taste, his thrusts speeding up as he chased his release. Sounds of pleasure erupted from her, moving her hips back as he thrusted into her.

"Uh huh, just like that, back up onto my cock" Jack growled into her ear, sending tingles down Harley's spine.

A soft giggle came from Harley, which quickly changed into a moan as he wrapped his hand around her neck. Still plunging his dick into her arousal-dripping hole, Jack sucked, licked and nibbled at the supple, sensitive flesh. Speeding up his thrusts, more moans, groans and whimpers came from the pair as they both inched closer to their release. More thrusts that deliciously hit her g-spot, choking, praises and sounds of pleasure later, the pair got closer and closer to their sweet release.

"That's right, cum all over my cock baby, all over it" Jack moaned out, his tip kissing her cervix.

Harley's pussy spasmed, fluttered and twitched around his cock, her moans growing louder as he sped up even more. His cock mouthwateringly filled her up as tears of pleasure rolled down her hot, red cheeks.

"Mhm, milk my fucking cock" Jack moaned as his hands gripped her hips like a vice.

He thrust his hips forward a few more times before emptying his load deep inside her. Euphoria, ecstasy and pleasure flowed through their veins, engulfing them in pure dopamine. Both of them were breathless as they lay next to each other on the blood and bodily fluid soaked sheets, just basking in the presence of each other now that they were finally back together.

•••

Word count: 2.8k

Sup lil chickadees? We are back again with another kinktober fic, feeding you lil birdees with your well deserved S M U T. Hope y'all liked this one as much as our other chapters and the chapters to come. 

Also, if you wanna tell us any ship suggestions you can always just comment and the ask box will always be open.

Welp, see ya soon and remember kids, don't mistake sugar with salt when you're making cupcakes.

- Jamal Gripperton and BeezyBee <3

[thepenguinandthefiend]

S/I List

Here is a list of my S/Is. This should be very comprehensive, so I don't think I'll be adding more to the list, but you never know.

(This post is a work in progress. I'm only adding basic info now. Details and backgrounds will be added later)

Tierney Quinn

gender: fluid universes: pretty much any that don't have another s/i listed (also known as Tierney Constantine in the DC universe and Arrowverse)

Tierney's lore varies depending on the universe that they are in. I won't put everything here, but feel free to ask about their backstory in a specific universe.

Lex Phaelyn

gender: none universes: Hunger Games, Z-Nation (this picture does not show Lex's tattoos. They have tattoo sleeves of vines that also go across their chest and upper back.)

Lex Phaelyn is a victor from district 7, and is in a long term romantic relationship with Johanna Mason. The two are currently married, but in secret. Only a select few people know about their relationship because they don't want the Capitol to use it against them. Lex's trauma from being in the games led to them feeling less-than-human. Instead, they consider themself to be a swamp monster, as their HG arena was generally a swampy/marshy area. They have a big issue with geese, which were a muttation during their games. They have a kid with Johanna, but I'm still working out the details of how that fits into the lore

Salem Saxon

gender: fluid universe: Doctor Who/Torchwood

Salem Saxon is the biological child of the Master and Lucy Saxon, and therefore half Time Lord. They were born after the Master supposedly "died," and Lucy, not wanting any reminders of him, gave up the baby for adoption. Salem was raised by a human couple for most of their childhood, but Missy found out about them when they were a teen, and took them away with her. Through their parent, they met The Doctor and Bill Potts, the latter of whom they began dating.

Hadley Parson

gender: transmasc/genderqueer universe: Check, Please

Hadley is the younger sibling of Kent Parson, who is the only family member they remain close with after most of their family refused to respect their gender identity. Hadley went to Samwell along with the main characters of the series, and struggled to earn a place on the SMH team, due to the fact that they were AFAB. Jack Zimmerman championed for letting them try out for the team when the coaches were hesitant. During their time at Samwell, they developed a qpr with Larissa "Lardo" Duan. They started at Samwell the same year as Eric "Bitty" Bittle.

Ciar Callaghan

gender: male universe: Supernatural

Ciar Callaghan is descended from Celtic gods. His father is the son of the death goddess Morrigan, and his mother is the daughter of the sea god Lir. While they were raised in the mortal realm, he was still brought up with full awareness of the vast array of creatures that were in the world. As an adult, Ciar decided to travel the world to discover the different types of demons and beasts that were out there. During their time in the United States, they met the Winchester brothers. While the brothers initially rubbed Ciar the wrong way, he eventually developed a fondness for Dean, and the two began dating.

Cai

gender: agender universes: Lucifer, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Cai's father was a demon and their mother was human. Their mother died when they were young, so they were raised by their father in hell. During their time in hell, they became close with the demon Mazikeen. The two spent centuries in a will-they-won't-they situationship. It wasn't until they were both on Earth for a couple of years among the humans that they realized how important they were to each other. The two are now engaged. (if you are interested in Cai's BtVS lore, please ask. I would love to gush)

[pictures found here] Siobhan Maddox gender: demigirl universe: WWE/AEW Will Francis gender: male universes: WWE/AEW

Niko Perry gender: trans masc universe: DC comics (my secondary DC s/i) (for pic and info, click link)

[rattle-em-spooky-jones]

Complete List of All My WIPs

You know when you’re bored and simultaneously procrastinating. Yeah.

Anyway, here’s a comprehensive list of my WIPs which are sorted by fandom. In order, it’s Gintama, DC, Jujutsu Kaisen, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and then some misc. fandoms. It’ll be updated as I get more WIPs. Few have playlists that I made for the fic specifically, or for the general ship/ characters.

(Edit: adding a Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure section because I started it like a week back and already know I Will be having WIPs)

If any of you guys want to know more about any of the fics, just send me an ask. I’d be happy to answer. (*´▽`*)

Gintama:

1. The Misadventures of Mutsu and Sakamoto

Self explanatory, just a little comedic thing.

2. Everyone’s crazy about a sharply dressed man, or in this case… an idiotic merchant?

The only thing I've written for this is 'Essentially the story of different people realizing that Sakamoto is actually really hot.' I can't even say anything to defend myself, Chief.

3.Copper veins, Hands clenched tight

Kouka on Kounan fic. Follows different epithets she has throughout her life [The Blessed, The Cursed, The Lonely, The Master of Kounan, Kouka]

4. Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep 

Premise has huge spoilers so I’ll just give a sparknotes version - Takasugi fakes his death, manages to piss off Sakamoto, Zura, and the entirety of Kabukicho.

5. Digging too Deep 

Sakamoto thinks about his childhood, realizes its more messed up than he thought.

6. As Winds Pass By 

Also has huge spoilers in its premise. Sparknotes version is that this takes place in a world where the canon ending of Gintama happened, and then the second movie's premise of the epidemic happens. Somehow, in the midst of all of this, Sakamoto realizes that he's now immortal.

7. For all the stars in the universe (I was entranced into orbiting you) 

 Atmospheric 2nd person fic following Sakamoto and his unrequited love towards Gintoki. Lots of space metaphors.

8. A person by any other name would still be just as stupid 

Absolutely no clue what's it about, I have written a page though.

9. You know you have cool friends when you guys would be considered an invasive species

My Hero Academia crossover where the Joi 4 get dropped into the MHA universe, get annoyed at the league of villains and decide they're gonna create a better one. A very crack-y fic.

10. Star Eater 

Sakamoto isn't quite human. follows his life from birth to just after the end of the war. I have been half-jokingly calling it my magnum opus.

11. Kakashi’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (Posted, will update)

Naruto crossover where Kakashi gets dropped into the Gintama universe. No I have not abandoned it, yes it has been like 3 years since I last updated.

DC:

Gen:

12. Unfridged (Reforged)

Alexandra DeWitt’s journey as a ghost through Greek lands, with Nyx (?) wanting to her to be their presence in the real world, but she has to go through trials before she can do so.

13.  Mirror Mirror On the Wall

A Hal Jordan angst fic grappling with identity. Written in second person and has the style of ‘Bluets’ but focuses on green.

14.  It Will Come Back

In the 25th century, the wards around Gotham keep out creatures that for some reason only Booster's family can see. The 21st century doesn't have those kind of wards.

TimKon:

15. Fingers Entwined, Hearts in Beat

An Orpheus and Eurydice TimKon au. Angst is at full throttle.

16. Top Gun Superboy (working title) Top gun AU with Kon as Maverick and Tim as Iceman. 

Boostle:

17. And I’d Make A Deal With God

Booster Gold grieves over Ted in their shared apartment.

JayKyle:

18. Fire of Unknown Origin

A Bioshock au. Jason and Kyle are trapped down in Rapture. Separately, they both figure out that someone is acting as 'Atlas', a freedom fighter who is supposed to be long dead. After a chance meeting, they decide to work together to figure out what the hell is going on.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3rWWOrT7LDGM0wggI9Zl9D?si=43ce8e0a98a8463e

19.  New Wave Starhunters

A Cowboy Bebop AU. Both Jason and Kyle were cryogenically frozen after two separate accidents years apart. Kyle loses all his memories when he wakes up. Jason remembers, but it has been long enough that everyone he's ever known and loved is dead. They both end up as bounty hunters, and this is their story.

HalBarry:

20. Fleeting Touch 

Hal's a ghost stuck in the apartment he used to live in. Barry moved into his new apartment two weeks ago. Can I make it anymore obvious?

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6kM0uBYmqeVAEW7VCQwsHO?si=edb27b2977a14853

21. It's Gettin Hard, this Holdin' back

Just a fluff piece where Barry notices how often Hal touches him, and starts to become hyperware of it because he has a crush on Hal.

22. In the Cracks Beneath Our Feet 

 A Pacific Rim au set in the early days where Jagars where piloted by one pilot. Hal witnesses the destruction of Coast City by Cyborg Superman, but the whole thing is covered up by the board of directors. Hal lashes out at the, and as a result he is put on increasing dangerous missions to get rid of him. They also get Barry (who figured out the one person system is severely harming pilots but isn’t allowed to go public with the findings) to monitor his health and to attempt to ‘spy’ on him. They both ending up slowly realizing the other also hates the Shatterdome and try to fight the corruption of the place. 

23. Wasted Sunset, Forlorn Sunrise [Complete!] A 'the summer hikaru died' au. Hal as Yoshiki, and Barry as Hikaru. Worked on this for the HalBarry Big Bang 2023 in collaboration with @chocolateteapotsvis ! You can see the accompanying art here.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1pB2LnhyaO6bAYAIloLVVr?si=0723f6ab9caa4741

Bonus [Complete]: And One Day Closer to Death Fic I worked on for the Superboy Superzine. It's late at night. Kon contemplates.

Jujutsu Kaisen:

24. AFTER HOURS

Museum au - gojo is a new museum curator (for art pieces) and geto is the ghost that haunts it (with no memories of the past).

25. At the Tip of Your Tongue, In the Back of Your Lungs

Second person Gojo POV, following the timeline from when Gojo and Geto meet for the first time till the end of the Jujutsu Kaisen 0 movie.

26. An Endless Sea

A SatoSugu Pacific Rim Au. Also set in a time before the two pilot drift technology was developed. They’re the greatest pilots in the world until Riko and tengen’s mission where they had to protect Riko goes wrong. Gojo becomes even more stronger with his Jager after the mission, but Geto seems to find his limit and has to have a specific number of missions he can go per day. Geto centric.

27. Jujutsu Textin’ (Posted, but still updating)

A modern day twitter fic where most of the characters are in college.

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure:

28. La Ciruela

It’s late at night, yet both Caesar and Joseph are here on this balcony outside. Joseph hides his heart well. Caesar pines.

29. You Gonna Do Something Killer?

....this is so embarrassing I can’t believe I’m adding it in. Caejose smut fic based on that tequila joseph tiktok and art. Joseph bets that he can seduce Caesar. Caesar- very stupidly, and already in love with Jojo - agrees to it.

30. Distant Dreams, Distant Hearts

Kujo family dynamics (Holly-Jotaro, Jotaro-Jolyne) centric fic with a focus on cards.

31.  Before My Body Is Dry (working title)

A Spiderverse au with a twist, with Jolyne as Miles and Jotaro as Jefferson Davis. 

Miscellaneous: 

32. Red Heaven, White Hell

A Daredevil exploration fic based on colours: red blood, red fights, red justice – white hospital, white crimes, white grief.

33. Time Wounds All the Heals (working title)

An Alex Rider (show) fic. A timeloop story where Alex keeps returning back in time, usually after he finds out Ian dies. Card games will be definitely used as some sort of metaphor.

34. The Oddball Blues

A comedy/ romance Giant Killing fic centered around Tsubaki and Kubota’s spare time in Abu Dhabi.

35. Biohazards, Ballistics, and Global Political Tension: An investigation into the impact of bio-organic weapons on modern society (Posted, but still updating)

Collab with @fangirl-on-fire3 ! A collection of accounts about different events in the resident evil universe in the format of a draft of a PhD report. 

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Sorry the comic anon again

I know we mostly focus the woke shit but comics also fall apart because

1. Rampant big events that cause more damage than good

2. Rampant character assassination and development erasure that cause serve damage (don’t get me fucking started on Dan Didio 5G plans and how that effect a character I was invested in)

3. PAINFULLY obvious writers who don’t check the characters they are writing past unless it’s a certain run.

4. And keeping the same godawful status quo that keep a endless cycle of the same shit again and again.

There more, but marvel and dc purposely put them into the landmines and refuse to properly adapt their stories and money making ways to modern era. I can’t blame just the wokies, I have to blame th embodiment of a strawman manchild like Dan didio

I know this long, but hear what the head of dc comics from the early 2010’s to 2020 said

https://www.omega-level.net/2013/09/09/frown-dcs-dan-didio-says-heroes-shouldnt-happy-lives/

Oh, absolutely mainstream comics have been shit for decades. I love that you made a numbered list because I have things to say and this makes it easy to organize, XD

FUCK EVENT COMICS. God, I used to love these things when they were rare. They felt meaningful and they were the only time you got to see some characters interact with each other, and it felt special because it was unique. Secret War, Crisis on Infinite Earths, No Man's Land, and Age of Apocalypse are some of my favorite comic stories ever. Reading the No Man's Land novelization was actually what got me into Batman comics in the first place, and from there into DC itself (eventually). Until then, the only comics I'd read were Marvel staples like X-Men and Spider-Man (which, believe it or not, used to be the only two Marvel characters 90% of mainstream fans liked) and Spawn. But event comics also completely killed my interest in DC and Marvel. Civil War ruined pretty much every character I liked, along with everything I enjoyed about the Marvel universe. And Flashpoint killed DC for me, while the New 52 dug up its grave and did unmentionable things to the corpse. Now, event comics happen all the time. Hell, DC rebooted its main universe I think three times in a 10 year span. And dear God don't get me started on multiverses. They used to be an interesting concept, but now they're just a receptacle for every idea that was too shitty for even modern Marvel/DC editors to green light for the main continuity.

Yeah, way too many comics these days are written by people who hate the character they're writing for. It's vandalism, pure and simple. Taste, quality, respect for the character and its history, satisfying the fans, all gleefully thrown into the fire. It makes it impossible to get into any character, because the moment the writer changes so will everything good about the character. Even new characters aren't immune. The moment Bendis took over writing Jon Kent he artificially aged him up, completely changed his character, and basically did everything he could to ruin the magic of Tomasi's Super Sons run. Pissed me off to no end, because I was actually considering dipping my toes back into DC just to read more Super Sons than the stuff I saw on tumblr until that happened. Still makes me mad thinking about it.

I know this is kind of similar to the last point, but Batman writers constantly do this with Damian Wayne. It seems like every new writer has to throw out all his character development and reset him back to being a barely functioning murder baby. Though, that's also a problem with Batman, too. How many times has he cut himself off from his family and friends because "he works better alone" only to realize that he needs other people? 20, by now? 30? I mean, fuck, they did the "Batman needs to be a loner oh wait actually he needs his family" storyline twice in three years. No Man's Land in 1999 and Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive in 2002. I get that long running serials are going to repeat storylines, but fuck try to keep things consistent for a decade, at least. I don't think that's asking too much. Aside from the vandalism and wokeness, I think the major problem with American comics is that they have no idea how to write a character or a story long term. They just do whatever they think will boost sales or get people talking, find out they wrote themselves into a corner because they didn't think further than, at best, a year out, and then reboot their entire continuity again because they can't figure out any other way to get out of the whole they dug themselves into. Why would anyone get invested in a product like that?

This is where I'm going to disagree partly. I don't think the status quo is necessarily a bad thing. I think about it a lot when people won't shut up about how killing the Joker would prevent countless deaths, and actually Batman is an idiot for prioritizing his own morality over the lives of others by not killing him. In real life, that might be true. "Do the ends justify the means" is a moral problem humanity has been wrestling with since we invented morality. But comics aren't real life, and they're not supposed to be. In comics, there are good guys and bad guys. The good guys stop the bad guys from doing bad things, usually by fighting them, and then arrest them. Good guys follow a moral code, one that usually includes a no killing rule. They do this because if Batman kills off his rogues, or Superman rips Lex Luthor's heart out, you can't tell anymore stories with those characters. Heroes are defined, in many ways, by their villains. Batman without a Joker, or Two-Face, or Riddler, or Scarecrow, is less of a character. Not to say that he can never face any other bad guys, or that they can't be cycled in and out now and then, but you can't just kill them off. You can't have Batman kill them off. Especially when comic book deaths are meaningless anyway. Once you break one of the central pillars of Batman's morality, he is immediately a different character. Less of a character, in my opinion. Especially these days, where morals are more about whether or not a character supports the popular new slacktivist cause and less about the fundamental questions of universal human morality. So, I very much advocate for good status quos to stick around as long as possible. But you also need to recognize when the thing you're doing needs to change. It's a delicate balance, and one that's completely beyond most comic writers today.

Ugh, don't even get me started on that "characters can't be happy" bullshit. I'll be here all day. Suffice to say, it's a garbage line that only exists to excuse bad writing and the most shallow interpretation of drama. Super heroes can be happy and still be entertaining and have personal strife. Reading constant misery and knowing that every bit of happiness a character does find will be temporary is what's boring.

[ghostlightreviews]

I'm actually annoyed at how much I enjoyed The Flash. After years of anticipation for some kind of Flash movie, watching this particular one go through almost every shade of production hell only to top it off with Miller getting embroiled in a string of assault, battery, kidnapping, and peace disturbance charges has been quite an experience.

It's difficult not to sully the movie as a piece of media with a hundred awful extenuating events, after all there is no case for Death of the Author here, Miller and Warner Bros. are very much alive and very much responsible and accountable for all wrongdoings. I deeply hope that Ezra Miller is getting the mental health treatment they need and will find time to openly apologize and make reparations for the widespread harm they have caused in due course. Additionally, WB is not innocent in its contributions to toxic working environments and unfair payment practices to both Writers and Actors. So, please, bear all this in mind during moments of praise dolloped throughout this review.

That being said:

This was way more fun than it should be considering the mess that preceded it.

Ezra Miller is (despite their personal life) incredibly charming and affable in both roles, not to mention still a talented performer who dragged out some real emotion in the final act. Sasha Calle pulls out a measured and organic performance in Supergirl, she is unfortunately burdened with a script and a film that doesn’t deserve her. Keaton, I think, makes me the most sad. After delivering a poignant and deftly crafted Riggan Thomson in Birdman, an actor haunted by the spectre of his superhero past, constantly trying to escape the shadow of the capeshit he spent his life performing in, there is a remarkable lack of awareness from Keaton’s agent and himself in getting back into the Batsuit not once but twice in the span of a few years. That Bat Credit Card was maxed out I guess.

Maribel Verdú as Nora Allen is particularly lovely for the short amount of screen time she has, a real emotional pillar in a silly silly film.

Everyone else was either fine or too completely average to be noticeable.

God, this film looks fucking atrocious. I won’t hear that the speed force scenes VFX were intentional, from top to bottom The Flash looks like a slop of shit, over saturated colours one minute, washed-out Snyder browns and greys the next, and just absolutely inconsistent visual storytelling. Some scenes look okay but not for a film that costs as much as this one, I think there is a stark contrast between intentionally stylized VFX and miscalculated attempts at the aforementioned. There are a couple of really nice practical costumes that basically get sidelined for weirdly clingy green screen abominations.

Okay, comic book asshole hat on now, there was no reason for this to be a half-assed Flashpoint adaptation. As a concept, Flashpoint is not so inaccessible to the general viewing public that you couldn’t just do it fully or not at all. I’m not even sure there is a solid enough reason to not just make The Flashes’ first film just him dealing with his own shit and using Jai Courtney to set up The Rogues as Captain Boomerang. I get that there is a desire to tie up loose ends from the Snyderverse and boot up a new Cinematic Universe at the same time, but it’s so messy that it muddles a really executable Comic Book movie concept.

Ultimately, I think this is where The Flash stumbles the hardest, a promising cast is let down by a film that is so deeply entrenched in the nonsense of a half-baked previous cinematic universe and trying to set one up that doesn’t even exist yet. What a waste. Then to achieve some of the ugliest looking VFX shots in the past decade, all this in a world where Marvel films exist? Truly amazing how hard they fumbled the bag on this.

My biggest hot take is that DC just fundamentally doesn’t get who Barry Allen is. Ezra is great but they play Barry so much closer to how a live-action Wally West Flash, to the point where I don’t get why they gave them Barry at all.

But by far the most filthy thing the film does is a parade of CGI ghouls in a startlingly bad multiversal moment right at the climax of the film. Dragging out the rubbery digital corpses of Adam West and Christopher Reeves is truly abominable and looks so bad, having a weird plasticine Nic Cage Superman when I know he’s the kind of actor who would have been there in a heartbeat to shoot a scene is bizarre AND to leave out two very much ALIVE actors who have catapulted The Flash into mainstream fame, John Wesley Shipp and Grant Gustin, the latter of which just ended a prolific tenure as Barry Allen this past year is unforgivable. Especially when the TV Flash found room for a fun Ezra Miller cameo, to completely ice out Gustin is really awful. But I guess par for the course for a film studio that, is currently actively ignoring fair working conditions for writers and actors, just vaulted a completed Batgirl project starring Brendan Fraser, and has a history of hiring abusers to create projects for them.

What a shame, there’s something special deep in the shit here, something that the audience has been robbed of. Some really fun and inventive moments on display, marred by a deep desire for people to remember Batman exists and used to be fun too. What a waste of everyone’s time and talent.

To be fair, the Looney Tunes moments with young Barry are so joyful and fun that we really just needed the whole film to feel like that.

1.5/5

Find me on Letterboxd here

[phantomskeep]

So, I actually have Big Thoughts on this.

Forever ago, when I was in college - (i.e., literally last year) I was taking a marketing class. The focus on that lecture was audience engagement and how to further get people to interact or react to certain things. One of the examples my prof gave was the Sims starter houses. Those flawed, ugly things? They're meant to give little objects and goals to the person playing the game. Y'know, a kind of... "Oh this would look so much better with this colored couch. That's the perfect amount of space for a desk! Let's put you here, then that makes room for this guitar..." It offers the chance to take something flawed and change it to be better.

Another example was Social Media, like YouTube. Best way for YouTubers to get engagement is pose a question to their audience: "how do you feel about this new Pokemon design? I think it's a bit ugly and could be changed if they swapped such a bright yellow for a more sunset color." OR to make a mistake like "Wes Weston is a canon character in the Danny Phantom universe! He has a cameo in episode 2 of season 1 and later appears having a conversation with Sam in episode 9 of season 3." Which, as any DP fan can confirm, isn't true. So people will go to the comments and tell the YouTuber their wrong about Wes Weston or correct about that ugly Pokemon looking better without that nightmare of a yellow color.

Point is, Danny Phantom is a show that is so perfectly flawed. It opened so many opportunities for amazing lore at honestly? The perfect time for a lot of us little internet trolls to get hooked. It's flaws makes our obsessive selves want to fix it - to take it and make it better.

The right of conquest for Pariah's Dark crown is a complete fanon thing born from the fact that the show's creator was... Frankly, a terrible long-plot writer (screw you, Hartman). But for those of us that are and enjoy the DP fan space? It gives us so many chances to interject and create. AUs like "No One Knows", "Ghost King Danny", "Liminal Amity Park" and so many others are only possible because it's not canon. If it was, yeah a lot of us would be pretty hype about it... But at the same time, it would take away from the wonder of creating it ourselves. It's why Danny Phantom - a show that's been off the air for how long again? 17 years??? Almost long enough to be considered an adult in the United States??? - is still alive and kicking. Why we have characters like Wes Weston and fanon that's basically canon, like Obsessions and "Cores are a ghosts entire being".

If it was a perfect show, then I doubt this fandom would still have successful events like DannyMay. Hell, it's why this fandom gets along so well with the DC Universe. "Disregard Canon" and all that.

Anyways thanks for coming to my TedTalk, hope that made sense LOL

Danny Phantom was such a stupid and frustrating show because they'd use a weird random moment to dump some of the wildest lore on you and then NEVER touch it again. Oh yeah there was a group of ancient ghosts strong enough to seal away the literal manifestation of war and brutality but anyway here's a fart joke. Sure there's a syndicate of living (?) eyeballs that manipulate existence from the sidelines and also a ghost that's a literal god of time but who cares about that when we can joke about being a vegetarian. A billionaire made his fortune because he literally got ghost powers in college in a horrible disfiguring accident and he's making clones of his ex-friend's son because he so bitterly alone but whatever here's five jokes about the Green Bay Packers and we're gonna turn that dude into a running gag now.

The Ghost Zone is alluded to be fucking alive but we're never gonna talk about it because uh

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

can't stop thinking of this op danny/guardian spirit/young justice crossover that I can't write because I don't have the DC universe background knowledge for it so I'm gonna just dump the concept here

be prepared for a lot of rambling

so the JL consider Amity Park a Safe Zone in case of dire emergencies

but nobody is told why, only the top members of the Justice League know anything about the place, Robin probably breaks into Batsy's computer and finds something about some hero there named Phantom but he can't find any other info about him or the town other than that he's trustworthy

and maybe the Young Justice crew get fucked up and the JL are indisposed or being distracted or something and the safe houses are compromised so Robin has to be like 'alright team I know this One Place that's supposed to be like a last resort safe space' so they all end up in Amity Park, and their pursuers are right on their tail until they hit the edge of town and then some fucking force of nature comes down on the bad guys following them out of nowhere and fucks them up

they would just be like 'holy shit who is this guy how come we never heard of him??'

and Robin is like 'oh hey so you're Phantom? Batman said this was a safe place to go when we're in trouble'

and he's expecting Danny to know some shit or have a plan or a safehouse to take them to

but Danny's just all 'uhhh this place gets attacked by inter-dimensional monsters every other day why would he send you here for safety? also Batman knows who I am???'

Robin is just confused as all hell because apparently Batman has this town listed as the Ultimate Safehouse and its hero is listed as Trusted but he's never even spoken to the guy?

real sus

but Danny takes them in and finds some abandoned house for them to stay in, and promises that whoever is chasing them will not set foot in this town, like they might have to deal with some ghosts popping up but human threats are no problem

and they're in this empty house that's, okay well it isn't dilapidated or anything but it has no power or water or even security, Phantom just tells them he's got their backs while they recover and don't worry about it

but Robin wants answers so he's quizzing Danny on who he is and why Batman trusts him

but Danny's got no idea, he's surprised the JL even know who he is because nobody has ever come to see him, nobody has ever given him any indication that they even know he's here, which he was kinda peeved about because he had to tackle every ghost attack by himself

but the Justice League not only knew he was here but apparently volunteered him to look after them?

he's a little bit pissy about that, Robin cannot entirely blame him, Robin thinks this whole thing is weird, like there has to be a reason, the JL don't just ignore kids fighting crime on their own, they would have invited him into their team, offered him help and training, not left him to figure it all out alone

although the kid was pretty powerful, he took out a whole crew of bad guys in one breath, literally

true to Danny's word, nobody finds them, the guys who had been hunting them down and chasing them everywhere can't seem to track them here, either that or Phantom just keeps getting in their way when they try, they feel so safe here, safer than they've ever felt before

Megan picks up that there's something unusual about the place, it's like the town itself is telling them that they're safe here, the air is full of love and warmth and comfort, somebody here wants them to feel at ease, somebody here wants them to feel safe

Robin still thinks it's sus

he starts to wonder if Batman was coerced by this psychic force to mark the town as a safe space, but he's pretty sure Batman's too savvy for that, besides, Megan was certain that there was no coercion or ill intent plaguing their minds, it's just a general atmosphere of safety

and she's pretty sure it's coming from Phantom

they witness a ghost fight or two and are amazed that the JL have been ignoring these pretty significant threats and just let some kid handle it alone, sure he has the same powerset as the enemies plus some, but he's still a kid and he's alone

none of them would ever have been allowed this much freedom or this little assistance

super super sus

after the JL finally get out of whatever issue they've been stuck with, they come pick up the kids and Danny is there like 'oh hey I think I need an explanation because what the fuck guys'

and Batman in all his blunt glory just tells him 'we were advised not to interfere unless absolutely necessary'

Danny obviously Does Not Like this answer and wants to know who this guy is that's ordering Batman around, then low and behold, Constantine shows up, immediately balling out Batman because 'why the fuck are you in Amity Park rn I made it VERY CLEAR that this place is a delicate fucking ecosystem if Superman gets god damn overshadowed we are all gonna have problems'

aaaaaand suddenly it all makes sense

Danny realises that any hero who's powerful enough to take on a ghost literally cannot risk that power in the hands of creatures that can just take over their bodies at any time, especially when this is a standard ability in all of Danny's enemies

but he's still shitty because like 'y'all could still have called me or something it would be nice to know I wasn't totally alone out here ya know'

and Constantine is all 'kiddo I literally had the god of time show up in my bedroom at 3am to tell me to make sure none of these fucks tried to adopt you as a side kick, one of them has a track record with this kinda thing it's a legit problem, I couldn't give these fuckers an inch, this town was off limits. so WHY ARE YOU ALL HERE RN'

aaaand Batman has to explain them a thing, basically Phantom is considered so fucking OP and has such an omniscient connection to the town itself that it makes for the perfect hiding place and defence for anyone in dire straights, and it really is only supposed to be a last resort, the side kicks had absolutely nowhere else to go with all of their safe houses compromised

aaaand that's how Danny learns that he is kind of more powerful than most of the god damn Justice League

hope you enjoyed this because I am never gonna be able to actually write it, have a nice day ✨

[ronoken]

So, who wants a publishing story?

No one?

…Tough.

To preface, this was prompted by a post I saw about always making sure you read a contract before signing it. I wholeheartedly agree.

So, I write books. A roundabout result of writing books is I occasionally get to speak at conventions. When I do speak at conventions (which hasn’t been for a year. Thanks, covid), a standard question I get asked is about the benefits of self-publishing versus getting a contract. And yes, I fully realize that everyone’s experience in this is different, and I get that. Here’s mine.

So, several years ago, I wrote a book. I put a solid year into it and did numerous rewrites, edits, etc. with three wonderful editors and boom. Book. Done. And then, like many who are impatient or who don’t want to run the risk of rejection, I self-published my first novel.

And to my great shock, I actually sold some copies.

Quick aside. I’m not famous. At. Fucking. All. Some is not millions. Some is several thousand at best. And that’s over YEARS. I am not widely known and I do not claim to be. At all.

So yeah, like, I didn’t sell a million or anything, but I was moving over 100 copies a month when I was putting in the marketing work. Not too shabby. I was hustling on Twitter, FB marketing, Google ad marketing, working the review sites, doing interviews, everything I could. And it actually worked. I can honestly say the number of copies I moved a month directly correlated with how hard I pushed. And when I pushed, I pushed damn hard. I even got to a point where a reviewer who became an editor for DC would routinely provide public reviews for my books, and I was doing a superhero series. Not gonna lie- it was fucking rad.

Anyway, after a couple years of doing this, putting out a second novel which sold okay, a bunch of novellas, and so on, I received an offer out of the blue to have my work officially picked up. For realsies.

Admittedly, I was over the moon about this. I was being contacted by an unsolicited source! AND THEY HAD MONEY!

Now, my work wasn’t Shakespeare. I knew that. They did, too. They offered me a nice little starting sum. Not a lot, but holy shit it was FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS UP FRONT. One of my editors reads my Tumblr and I don’t think I’ve ever told them how much it was. It was 5k. To start. Not a lot, publishing-wise, but that’s because the work was already done. See, most publishers will give you more, but the catch is it’s considered a down payment for more books in a series. They pay you to write future novels, and then they expect you to pay it back. I already had a shit ton of content out, so I essentially skipped that step. Which tells me that publishers really don’t expect to have to actually pay you much, but that’s another post.

To my editor- sorry I never said the exact amount. It felt weird, but it’s been years, so it’s not as weird? I dunno. That logic train made sense as I was writing this.

So, 5k upfront, and then 50% of all sales thereafter, and they would handle EVERYTHING. Marketing, scheduling tours, covers, putting me in stores, the lot. Considering how much time, money, and effort these things took, this was not a terrible deal, but there was a catch.

My story would officially no longer be mine.

Oh, my name would be on it, and I’d write it, but from there on out, the publishing house would have 100% control over how it was marketed, where it went, and so on. If they wanted to option it, I would have zero say and zero rights, meaning they could take it and do fuck-all, and I would be left with nothing. Per the contract, they could even go so far as to issue me a cease and desist on my own work and hire a new person to take over. I was signing away everything in my universe if I said yes.

So, despite the allure of having things offered to me like a legit marketing team, book tours, and money (such as it was), I said no thank you.

Now, it didn’t hurt that I’d already made 5k in sales by that point. I knew my worth and how to push to keep it that way, if I so chose. Also, it helped that I was in an okay place when that offer came in. I could look at it and say, “well, that sure would be nice, but I don’t need it.” A lot of talented writers aren’t in that space, and the offer of several months rent or money for food as well as REALLY-REAL PUBLISHING can be hella tempting. And I get it, for some folks, the deals work out alright. And for some they don’t. And I sure as Hell am not going to judge. Seriously, I still have vivid nightmares about working 60+ hours a week and not being able to afford baby formula. Hell, if they had offered that to me just one year earlier, I would have been forced to take it. At that stage of life, 5k would have been life changing. I was just starting to hit the OK section of life, and only barely. Money when you need it is fucking awesome, and sometimes, you take what you can get.

But if you are a writer? And you’re in a place where it’s not life and death? Read the damn contract. Every single time. Make good and sure you know what you’re getting into and ask yourself, is it worth it to you? If it is, awesome. Again, not gonna judge, and every situation is different.

In my specific case though, it was choosing a nice bit of cash over something I had slaved for years over. I couldn’t do it. I still can’t. It’s the one property I’ll never let go of because when I wrote it, I didn’t even know if I could write a book. It proved to me that yes, I really could, and that was worth more than I can put into words.

TLDR: Read your contracts. Make choices good for you. Some things are worth more than money.