#Cloud kid cinematic universe

[sofiapagen]

ying and yang, that sorta thing

[sofiapagen-archive]

Something to test these cheap 5below ballpoint pens I got.

[queercodedvillains]

If you can I’d love to hear the outline/tldr of your Claire’s AU because the posts under that tag are always so funny to me

So the claires au tag started because I wanted to collect all my modern au inspo posts in one place. Since it all gravitates around my beloved little terrorist Deidara, and I think he'd do great at a dead end low effort retail job with a bonus perk of bullying giving piercings to tweens and a sick employee discount, the claire's au was born. In hindsight, I wish I had called it the mallrats au, but since the fics came after the tag, we're stuck with the consequences of my choices smh.

It's expanded significantly, to the point that its sooo hard to summarize, but I'm gonna try my best here!!

My general goal is to transcribe everything we know from canon as closely/creatively as I can to a modern/90s setting. Tbh this started because I just was not emotionally prepared to handle canon!akatsuki levels of fucked up war criminals and I just wanted to put them in low stakes shenanigans that keeps the core of their characters without all the murder and angst and action (I hate writing action. Horror is fun and dandy, but spin kicks and explosions and puppets are beyond me for now).

So in the claires au/mallrats cinematic universe, the Akatsuki are just a gang of queers doing your run of the mill criminal activity. Drug dealing, car stealing, chop shopping, gun running, book cooking, you name it. They all ended up kicked out of society for one reason or another, banded together, and became mundane villains of polite society.

For example, Sasori is always depicted as tinkering with his puppets. So I decided that tendency to methodically pull someone apart and back together, that special calculating mindset that it takes to look at a body and come up with twelve different secret weapons to hide in their limbs, would make the perfect fodder for a chop shop mechanic. Stolen cars instead of stolen corpses. He seems like he got the obsessing-over-cars brand of autism and I love him for it. He's weird and reclusive and pretentious and insufferable and genius.

Deidara likes explosives, duh, but guns are so boring imo so I wanted to dig deeper into his love of temporary beauty, and how that meshes perfectly with drugs. They're ephemeral, transient experiences that fade quickly but leave a lasting impact on a person, changing their life, etc. He's also. Super fucking pretentious about it. Don't let him corner you at a party. Sasori might be the chemist but Deidara is the real brains behind the operation, and also the very willing test subject. I see him as a club kid, always on one in the middle of the crowd, and entirely responsible for the Akatsuki's branding. He designed the clouds and the patented pressed pills (we got blue teslas, they got white owls, etc) and also is solely responsible for word of mouth advertising. He's always got a can of spray paint and/or a black business card with nothing but a phone number and a red cloud. He's always bright and loud and shiny and looking for attention in seedy places, always in the middle of the mosh pit or the dance floor or some sketchy back alley or the skate park (skating is kinda like riding a giant flying bird, right?) Either way, everyone wants whatever the fuck he's on.

Together they're a power couple. Absolutely nasty, insufferable to talk to, impossible to be around unless you're just as pretentious as them about their very specific interests AND willing to listen to them bicker endlessly about their arts. Naturally, they only have two friends. Kakuzu and Hidan.

I want to dig into their backstories and relationships later, narratively, but the barest bones of it is that Hidan is Deidara's childhood friend and professional pain in the ass. Class clowns in detention together, bullying the local nerds, weirdo queer kids with serious mental issues from broken homes, a scrappy sort of friendship born out of desperation for someone Like Them etc. I mean Hidan's got a nasty sadomasochistic streak, a propensity for self harm, and an obsession with the occult so don't get me started on him as your local satanic bad influence. Their whole thing could be its own post tbh.

Kakuzu and Sasori are like crotchety old men on the porch. They like to sit in some booth at the club talking shit and looking menacing while Deidara and Hidan are busy 'advertising'. I also see Kakuzu as a bit of a mentor to Sasori, being a bit older and wiser and seeing Sasori get dragged into the Akatsuki after dropping out of med school and being disowned by his grandmother (a whole other post as well) and spiraling into shitty coping mechanisms (alcohol, mostly). Kakuzu smacked some sense into him and got him sobered up because he loves that sad pathetic wet cat of a man they got money to make!!

If and when Sasori and Deidara split up to work, I see them pairing up with Kakuzu and Hidan, respectively. Every artsy twink needs their burly body guard, yknow?

I'm maintaining their age differences to some degree, although pinched closer. At the time Mallrats is set, Deidara is 25, Hidan is 26, Sasori is 32, Kakuzu is 40. Itachi and Kisame are also mid 20s, Konan and Pain and Zetsu and Tobi are in their 30s.

Deidara centric timeline wise (and trying to stick to canon as closely as realistically possible) he gets kicked out of his house for being fruity at 14, ends up couch surfing with Hidan (having 'sleep overs', or sneaking into his room when Hidan's mom said no but didn't care enough think to look under his bed/the closet/that pile of laundry) and when he can't pull that off, staying in the mall til after closing and posting up in there all night. After a while, someone in the Akatsuki notices him kicking rocks in a parking lot and realizes they need some scrappy kid to run a backpack from one end of town to the other without getting noticed. One thing leads to another and he ends up catching Konan's attention. She (30s, forgery and embezzling specialist, dyke and mother of the house) shuffles some papers, gets him his own apartment on the condition that he works for her and the money goes from their business associates to him to her to his landlord.

I have a soft spot for Konan doing this for anyone she can. Queer kids in the 80s and 90s didn't exactly have resources, and she did what she could with what she had, handing them a way to earn their own money and a safe place to live, even if its seedy and illegal. Beats the streets! Most of them were runners for a few years and aged out, she signed their SRO apartments off to them at 18 and they moved on with their lives. There's a whole host of people who only know her as Lady Angel (winknod to canon again) because she did what she could to save em. Deidara just happened to be too good at his job and got pulled higher and higher, until he landed in Sasori's shop.

That's about caught up to what I've gotten so far in Mallrats and The Waiting Room (with so much more to go. My muse is wildly overactive for the amount of time and attention span I got). I got head canons on like all the main characters from Konoha/Suna, all the Akatsuki, and the Sanin. Where they work, how they interact, how their relationships translate to mallrat/clubrat shenanigans, etc.

Every detail Sasori and Deidara falling in love? DUH. But also........... A complete dossier on everyone's kinks? Hidan and Deidara's gay awakening? Sasori's history with Orochimaru? The absolute fuckery that is any of their home life before the Akatsuki? Brazilian Kakuzu? Jashinism in a neopagan satanic context? Kakuzu and Hidan's perfectly vicious relationship? Konan as Lady Angel? Itachi darling son of the police chief working for the mob to spite his homophobic dad? Kisame... well, idk about Kisame, but if you care enough to develop it with me I could be convinced to!! The list goes ON.

I could go into heavier detail about so much more but this is already so long T^T. If you read this far thank u ilysm and I would be so delighted to get into more if you're interested!! The ask box is always open and I am foaming at the mouth over them at the drop of a hat <3

[siremasterlawrence]

Succumbing The Hemsworth

So I lost my niece this week she died and I wanted to put two stories up until I am ready again soon.

Chris Hemsworth is at the world premiere of the next project for the Thor character in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

He is literally so handsome standing on the red carpet with the flashing lights of the photographers camera.

The light blinding him brightly with the white flashes covering his entirety bathing him a glow.

He waves his hand in the air attending to the crowd as they shout in excitement at his actions.

I plan to get him for someone I know moving throughout the crowd I move through the sea of them.

Sneaking into the side of door of the venue into the Movie Theatre Premier I knew today was the day.

I smirk with delightful glee digging into my jacket pocket pulling out a sd card handing one employees a few hundred dollar bills.

They shakes his head exiting the area he left the room climbing up the staircase to the movie booth.

Slipping the sd card in into a laptop upload the virus onto the system cloud corrupting it to my whim.

The system is completely eradicated under my control replacing it with a new system lastly updating to the ear coms hitting the senses.

I watch every employee, the entire except of course Chris fall under my sway as the red carpet it empty.

Everyone mindless walks into the seats of the biggest theatre in the building they settle in to.

The door slowly closes behind me standing in the middle of the room tapping the com s sending the signal.

The crowd is ensnared easily by the gigantic multi color spiraling our of control pulling them in to it.

They crowd is frozen in time stuck to their seats they are unable to move lost to the words off of the screen.

“Mr. Hemsworth? Hemsworth?”

“He is out like a light”

“I am about to prick you”

“Wwwwhhhhhaaaaattttttt?”

“DING”

“Mwahahahahaha! Too easy”

“I am to program and ship you away “

“Too bad that ass is tight”

“I could fuck it”

“Follow me and zip your mouth”

“Yyyyyeeeeesssss”

“Settle into the box, placing the ear in the pods, placing the sunshades over his eyes and process.”

“Sir Yes Sir”

“@MCTF21 owns you”

“He owns you”

Here we go in the midst of the insanity the crate is packed and shipped off to his new owner @MCTF21.

Chris according to program plans a big meet with his family ushering financial coverage for his family.

He makes his wife and kid’s mentally wiped clearing them for a new life and his Master will take over.

I don’t know what happen but next thing I know I am being invited to a Gala in the city of New York.

I walk in to find a empty space no one is their must be a joke I thought until I saw a shadow.

He walks out into the sole film spotlight only to see if was Liam Hesmworth absolutely stunning as usual for a white boi.

He is in a light blue button down, a white tee and jeans standing in front of a stage sign a microphone in hand.

He is ready for his close up offering his hand for me to take I walk up the stage happily at my work.

My work is on full display only for me of course that is he helps me up to the main platform.

Pulling me into a kiss I don’t relent because everything is to specification even his cool breath.

He looks so good I knew he was the right fit for me without any hesitation I remove a needle from my pocket.

As we kiss I prick him letting the needle stick in deep sending the fluid in causing a chemical reaction.

“Oooooh! What the hell?”

“Such a thick accent”

“You like it?”

“Love it”

“Do you understand the arrangement?”

“Chris is his but I am yours”

“Someone chose me”

“Of course “

“I do”

“You own me”

“Now and forever “

“I am fulfilled”

It’s later on that week where I return to NYC main factory of my operations to see Liam’s process complete with him in cryogenic lab chamber.

“What a thrill? So excited!”

“Lis is open”

“Liam? Can you hear me?”

“Oh thank god!”

“I am here with you “

“I’ve been waiting”

“For what?”

“You”

“Me?”

“I am all yours”

“Come out “

“Sir Yes Sir”

“You kiss so well My love”

“Mmmmmm”

Anybody else wants to join the family? You can have Luke.

The end

[echoanddust]

I was tagged by @coping-via-clint-eastwood. I'm a bit late, my bad

Rules: Bold the ones that are true and tag 15 people to do it.

Appearance

i’m over 5’5” // i wear glasses/contacts // i have blonde hair // i prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // i have one or more piercings // i have at least one tattoo // i have blue eyes (kinda?? like blue/green) // i have dyed or highlighted my hair // i have gotten plastic surgery // i have or had braces // i sunburn easily // i have freckles // i paint my nails // i typically wear make-up // i don’t often smile // i am pleased with how i look // i prefer nike to adidas // i wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies & Talents

i play a sport // i can play an instrument (badly) // i am artistic // i know more than one language // i have won a trophy in some sort of competition // i can cook or bake without a recipe// i know how to swim // i enjoy writing // i can do origami // i prefer movies to tv shows // i can execute a perfect somersault // i enjoy singing // i could survive in the wild on my own // i have read a new book series this year // i enjoy spending time with friends // i travel during school or work breaks // i can do a handstand

Relationships

i am in a relationship // i have been single for over a year // i have a crush // i have a best friend i have known for ten years // my parents are together // i have dated my best friend // i am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // i have a long distance relationship // i am an only child // i give advice to my friends (I try) // i have made an online friend // i met up with someone i have met online (they live very far :((()

Nature

i have heard the ocean in a conch shell // i have watched the sun rise // i enjoy rainy days // i have slept under the stars // i meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // i enjoy the smell of the beach // i know what snow tastes like // i listen to music to fall asleep // i enjoy thunderstorms // i enjoy cloud watching // i have attended a bonfire // i pay close attention to colours // i find mystery in the ocean // i enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favourite season (or winter)

Misc.

i can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // i am the mom friend // i live by a certain quote // i like the smell of sharpies // i am involved in extracurricular activities (used to be (photography)) // i enjoy mexican food // i can drive a stick-shift // i believe in true love // i make up scenarios to fall asleep (used to have literally my own cinematic universe as a kid, but now i have trouble imagining ://// // i sing in the shower // i wish i lived in a video game // i have a canopy above my bed // i am multiracial // i am a redhead // i own at least three dogs (plushies :))

I literally don't know who to tag because a lot of people I'd tag have already done this, so anyone who want to participate, consider themselves tagged :)

[fyeahdprian]

[Festival Squad] HITC 2021

Cover by Jake West Photography

Head in the Clouds Paves Way for Asians and Asian Americans in Music

Danica Nuestro /  August 2, 2021

Now in 2021: COVID-19 is still on the rise. Developing variants like Delta and Lambda are causing governments to change courses of action regarding recommendations, mandates and lockdowns. However, festivals and event companies have been working endlessly with local governments and public health officials. They’re doing as much as they can to safely bring live music back to us. This includes Head in the Clouds Music & Arts Festival, spearheaded by the pioneering Asian music and media company 88rising, partnering with Goldenvoice. This two-day event is currently scheduled for November 6-7, 2021 at Brookside at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, CA. The Head in the Clouds lineup includes Rich Brian, Joji, NIKI, Saweetie, Elephante, Josh Pan and more. This may seem like any other festival for most people, but this festival is incredibly important; not only to me, but for Asians and Asian Americans across the globe.

Asian & Asian American Representation in Media, from a 90’s born Philippine-American perspective

Speaking as a first generation Philippine American born in the 90’s, I grew up in a small town. I was estranged with my culture, and Asian American culture in general. I watched classic Disney Channel, Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network shows for example. Additionally I watched iconic sitcoms like Full House, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Friends, and Brady Bunch as well. It was very rare for me to look at the TV and say, “Hey, they kinda look like me!” (Shoutout to Mulan, Kimi from Rugrats, Brenda Song, and Sandra Oh—to name a few—for fulfilling those moments for me growing up). In my childhood, most kids would own NSYNC or Backstreet Boys CD’s. We’d also ask our parents for magazines with Jonas Brothers, Jesse McCartney and Britney Spears posters to hang on our walls. (Side note: Yes, I still have some of them.)

Early Pioneers of Asian and Asian American Representation

While Youtube was fairly new we had Wesley Chan, Ted Fu, and Philip Wang of Wong Fu Productions; Kevin Wu of KevJumba; Ryan Higa and Michelle Phanpaving the way for Asian and Asian American representation in media. When Far East Movement was one of the first Asian American bands on the radio, it was a big deal. I loved finding out that The Black Eyed Peas and the Pussycat Dolls had members who were part Filipino. Back when American Idol was huge, it was wild to see competitors like Jasmine Trias, Ramiele Malubay and Jessica Sanchez; these people looked like me, had a somewhat similar upbringing, and were making a name for themselves on TV. Those were moments where I realized, “I could be like them one day!” That was the Asian and Asian American representation that I grew up with.

Today’s Music, Media and Entertainment Welcoming Diversity

Generations today can now see many actors, athletes, and other talented individuals at the forefront for Asian representation. For example, we have Simu Liu and Iman Vellani as the first Asian superheroes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Sunisa Lee just recently became the first Asian American to win gold in the Olympics all-around gymnastics final. Additionally, she is the first Hmong American to ever become an Olympian (let alone a medalist). Yuh-Jung Youn, who portrayed the grandma in Minari, is the first South Korean actress to ever win an Oscar. Additionally, Chloe Zhao is the first Asian woman to win Best Director at an Oscar for Nomadland. We’re seeing way more diversity in the media than before and it is only just the beginning of it all.

The Importance of 88rising’s Head in the Clouds Festival & its Noteworthy Headliners

CL (@chaelinCL)

In the early 2010’s people ridiculed my significant other for listening to K-Pop. Naming a few, he listened to Girls’ Generation, f(x), 2NE1, Infinite and SHINee. In 2012 came the viral hit known as “Gangnam Style” by PSY. This, in my opinion, became the catalyst of welcoming Korean music in the US. Now, BLACKPINK was the first ever female K-Pop group to perform at a Coachella. Additionally, male group BTS is topping Billboard charts with smash hits like “Dynamite” and “Butter.” Lee Chae-rin is a former member of 2NE1, famously known as CL. She is at the forefront of Korean music as the first female solo South Korean artist to hit Billboard charts. Iconic tracks include “Hello Bitches” and “+5STAR+.” Additionally, she collaborated with Skrillex, Diplo, and Big Bang’s G-Dragon for “Dirty Vibe.” With her success, it’s no surprise seeing her as one of the Head in the Clouds headliners.

Rich Brian (@richbrian/@brianimanuel)

Another headliner listed is Brian Imanuel aka Rich Brian. Brian Imanuel became a viral sensation for his smash hit “Dat $tick” as Rich Chigga. Later, he changed his performance name after realizing he wasn’t in a position to make people less sensitized to “Chigga.” For those unaware, “Chigga” is a word that blends the N-word to the word “Chinese.” Other notable tracks from the Chinese-Indonesian rapper include “Gospel” ft. XXXTentacion and Keith Ape, as well as “See Me”; the latter released at the time he changed his name from Rich Chigga, to Brian and now Rich Brian. His debut album Amen made him the first Asian artist to top the iTunes Hip Hop charts at #1.

Joji (@sushitrash)

Also headlining is George Kusunoki Miller aka Joji. Joji is best known musically for his platinum hit “Slow Dancing in the Dark.” Other notable Joji tracks that gained popularity through TikTok include “Worldstar Money” and “Gimme Love.” I personally am more familiar for his work as Filthy Frank on Youtube. As Filthy Frank, he became a catalyst for internet culture, internet memes and oddly peculiar Youtube comedy skits. Most people may not know, Miller actually started the viral dance sensation for Baauer’s “Harlem Shake,” leading this single to top the Billboard charts that year.

NIKI (@nikizefanya)

Niki Zefanya, also known as NIKI, is an Indonesian singer and songwriter who opened for Taylor Swift during The Red Tour in Jakarta. After moving to the US, she released multiple tracks and EP’s under the 88rising label. For instance, her single “Dancing with the Devil” released ahead of her first EP Zephyr. In addition, one notable album is her genre-bending album Moonchild. Niki’s mission is to “empower young Asian artists under-represented in the American music industry.” 

More Noteworthy Head in the Clouds Artists to Look Out For 

With an incredible and genre-diverse lineup, there are also are some noteworthy artists performing at Head in the Clouds festival that you may be more familiar with besides the headliners mentioned above. These artists include Saweetie, Elephante, and Josh Pan. 

Saweetie (@saweetie)

Some fans may be confused as to why Saweetie is included on the lineup, but she’s actually part Filipino and Chinese through her mom’s side while her dad is African American. Additionally, it’s hard NOT to know the Icy Queen herself with her chart-topping hits like “My Type,” “Back to the Streets” ft. Jhene Aiko, and “Best Friend” ft. Doja Cat. With her worldwide success (including her upcoming collaboration with McDonald’s) Saweetie joins CL, Joji, NIKI and Rich Brian as one of the other headlining performers for this event.

Elephante (@iamtheELEPHANTE)

Tim Wu, or Elephante, who many have seen across big-name lineups like EDC, Ultra Music Festival, EZOO and much more, is also slated to play at Head in the Clouds. Elephante was one of the first Asian American DJ’s that I have seen, and interestingly enough I didn’t even know he was Asian until seeing him live. In an interview back in April with local Bay Area publication Redefining Dichotomies, Wu actually admitted to deflecting about discussing race. “Early on in my career, I was deflective of talking about race, because I didn’t want to just be known as the Asian DJ.” My favorite tracks from Elephante include his cover of “Shooting Stars” by the Bag Raiders, “Troubled” with Deb’s Daughter, and “Age of Innocence” ft. Trouze and Damon Sharpe.

Josh Pan (@joshpan)

Another electronic artist to look out for is Josh Pan. Josh Pan previously performed at the 2019 Head in the Clouds Festival and scheduled to return to this year’s edition. He has released EPs under OWSLA and has worked with the likes of Jai Wolf, Manila Killa, Waka Flocka, Dylan Brady and many more. It’s hard to describe a definitive genre for Josh Pan as he likes to experimentwith music: “It’s always been important for me to flow from one style to the next. The music world is so cross-pollinated now and it’s so easy to experiment, why not try?”

Overall, Head in the Clouds is a festival you won’t want to miss.

With massive headliners and other talented artists performing, Head in the Clouds Music & Arts Festival will continue to make history as a music festival with an Asian-centric lineup. Additionally, it will continue to motivate emerging Asian and Asian American artists worldwide and inspire young Asian and Asian Americans to pursue their dreams in music and media.

Head in the Clouds Tickets, Pricing & More Info

For more information on tickets and passes, visit hitcfestival.com/tickets. To buy remaining GA + VIP tickets, click here. Passes are on sale now!

[ao3feed-thor]

Even an Infinite War has an eventual Endgame

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/9aWqxyk

by TheKidwBlueGlasses

"You're kidding me."

The accusation rang out in the heavy silence in the conference room. Tony stared hard at where Cap and the others were sitting at the opposite end of the room, their heads down, faces clouded, and metaphorical and literal tails between their legs in various degrees of shame and sorrow. Rogers' expression was the worst. The super soldier opened his mouth. "...I honestly wish I were, Tony." ---------------------------------

Happy Five Years everybody!!! :D

Words: 1258, Chapters: 1/23, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of Even an Infinite War has an Endgame...

Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Thor (Movies)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Multi

Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Thor (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Bruce Banner, Original Female Character(s), Pietro Maximoff, Loki (Marvel), Peter Parker, Rocket Raccoon, Nebula (Marvel), Carol Danvers, Okoye (Marvel), Scott Lang, Cassie Lang, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Bucky" Barnes, Peter Quill, Gamora (Marvel), Drax the Destroyer, Mantis (Marvel), Groot (Marvel), Uatu | The Watcher (Marvel), Thanos (Marvel), The Black Order (Marvel)

Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Thor, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team, Avengers Team & Thor, Avengers Team & Original Female Character(s), Clint Barton & Pietro Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff & Wanda Maximoff, Tony Stark & James "Rhodey" Rhodes, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Nebula & Tony Stark, Nebula & Rocket Raccoon, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Bruce Banner & Thor, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Additional Tags: Post-Movie: Avengers: Infinity War (2018), Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Self-Insert, Meta, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Religious Themes, Mythological Themes & Symbolism, parables, lol I was homeschooled, Morality, Food as a Metaphor for Love, acts of service, Artist Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Minor Character Death, Happy Ending, Possession, Mind Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Foreknowledge, Canon-Typical Violence

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/9aWqxyk

[sofiapagen]

Interpretation of Setting Up Boundaries

[sofiapagen-archive]

It's a crisis mode kind of day

[joytraveler]

50. Teddy Bear Ballet

The title screen looks like a Lisa Frank binder from the 90s – a line of three teddy bears in pink bows and tutus, standing on pointe, as a unicorn and a smiling rainbow applaud in the background

"Toys! ALL for me! Get back, they're mine, MINE!! Look at that rainbow, I love them. It has hands! Why? Well how else would it applaud me, is why!"

Syrupentine: you see kids, this is what girls used to be into before they invented pouting vampires

"I don't think it's vampires anymore, I think it's skeletons. Although I haven't quite kept up."

TaichouSenseiKun: I think it may be bugs

"Hm. all right, I can work with that"

When the game begins, there's a short intro cinematic, with green monospace text appearing on a black screen like an old-fashioned computer.

['TEDDY BEAR' MODEL BULT FOR DREAM AND FRIENDSHIP] [ EMPIRE 'GHOSKULL' BREAK TREATY] [ LAUNCH 'TEDDY BEAR'] [ 10 9 8...] [ "STOP! 'TEDDY BEAR' IS NOT--"] [ TOO LATE. GO WITH BRAVERY, TEDDY BEAR 'BALLET'!!]

"Ah, I, I, I, okay.. I guess we were too late! Won't they be surprised when they see what I learned from Prince Boogins III!"

Glockroach: That kid went places pigbarrel: never a better handpile there was

The game begins with a pirouetting teddy bear... against a parallax star field. It's a space shoot-em-up!

"We're off to the ball, we're off to the- ball?! They decided to hold the ball in Bullet Heck, Planetoid 56 this year! Dangerous but they serve great salmon."

She fights off stars and clouds (in space??), shooting hearts at everything that moves. "I have too much love to give.. give to ya FACE, hah!!"

HNV: Watch out for those wormholes, bear, you'll end up in the universe where they spell your name differently

One thing is clear about this game right off the bat – it's not for beginners. Before she even realizes it, Bea is seeing pink heart shaped balloons float up from the bottom to form the words GAME OVER!

"I'm sure this would have been a big hit among the hardcore gamer toddler demographic." She tries again, only getting a little further, to her frustration. "Is the difficulty adjustable? Nnnope. Well, the teddy bear ball is serious business, you gotta be skilled to attend"

pigbarrel: requirements: A) professional pilot B) Bear DueyDecimal: It's for grizzled veterans aroseahorseboy: all your bears are belong to us

After a few more grizzly deaths, Bea's persistence pays off and she makes it to the first boss-- it's that rainbow from the title screen, and he's not playing around! This boss can extend and shrink from a tiny sliver to a full circle, and sometimes the only safe place for Bea's bear is in the center of the ring, trying to predict where it flies!

ButterflyDefect: Taste the Painbow, Bea Llord_Kuruku: It's sweet like honey HNV: Wait, shouldn't bears be Bea's natural enemies? They steal honey and eat her helpless grubs!

The rainbow loses colors and speeds up as the fight goes on, finally turning fully red and blindingly fast! "AaaAAAAAAA, you have inflammation of the rainbow, let me just remove that for you-!!" GAME OVER!.

".. You know HNV, good point, screw you bears, AND your balls, you bears have your own balls, I ain't interested"

Baconnaise: Bearkakke ButterflyDefect: all in favor of banning Bacon Klickitat_Street: how did we get from ballet to bukkake jokes... SugahGlydah: We are cultured but also disgusting! Syrupentine: I take it you never had ballet classes... bukkake is MILD compared to what we'd talk about between classes

[samasmith23]

Allow me to add some of my own media takes which absolutely infuriate me:

"The X-Men are outdated & completely lack merit or value as an allegory"

"Marriage automatically makes Spider-Man boring & unrelateable"

"Naruto was wrong to try and save Sasuke from the dark side and Sasuke is an irredeemable & poorly-written character"

"Hinata Hyuga from Naruto is actually malicious slave owner towards her cousin Neji"

"Catradora from She-Ra is fetishizing abuse"

"Superheroes are inherently fascist"

"Bruno from Ms. Marvel is actually some kind of malicious incel instead of a compassionate childhood friend and ally to Kamala Khan"

“Kamala Khan is an irredeemable fascist Brownshirt who crippled Bruno for life simply because Kamala briefly sided with Carol Danvers in Civil War II before turning against her idol.”

"Neon Genesis Evangelion is pretentious pseudo-intellectual perverted garbage that glorifies rather than critiques fan-service tropes"

"Shinji Ikari from Evangelion is poorly written whiny b*tch instead of a realistic portrayal of depression"

"The portrayal of Nadia's mental health struggles in Unstoppable Wasp is actually deeply insulting to bipolar disorder and suicidality"

"Grant Morrison is a horrifically racist & orientalist writer who's just as bad as literal Comicsgaters because they wrote Talia al Ghul as a villain in their Batman run"

"Jason Aaron hates ALL teen superheroes simply because his Wolverine & the X-Men run focused on separate characters than the New X-Men: Academy X kids"

"Donny Cates is a horrific homophobe & misogynistic rape apologist who actively HATES Venom simply because he wrote Eddie Brock & the symbiote as having a toxic co-dependant relationship, and Dylan Brock's conception went into cosmic body horror territory"

"Jane Foster CANNOT be Thor because Thor is a name and NOT a title"

"The Last Jedi is a middle-finger to Star Wars fans and actively destroys the lore of the franchise"

"Rey is a Mary Sue"

"Persona 5 Royal is pro-status quo neoliberal garbage masquerading as progressive or leftist messaging"

"Rebecca Sugar is a Nazi sympathizer simply because the Diamonds from Steven Universe were given redemption arcs"

"Cloud from Final Fantasy VII is a brooding emo with ZERO personality"

"ALL anime & manga is inherently p*dophilic hentai"

"Marvel's Ultimate Universe is complete irredeemable garbage with ZERO good stories aside from Ultimate Spider-Man"

"The Marvel Cinematic Universe is NOT 'real' cinema"

"Legend of Korra is 'torture p*rn' simply because it portrays Zaheer brutally poisoning Korra in a negative light"

"There were ZERO good X-Men comics or runs during the 2010s before the Krakoa era"

Compiling a list of bad takes that demonstrate the person saying them didn't understand the story.

"Son Goku is a bad dad."

"Belle from Disney's Beauty and the Beast had Stockholm Syndrome."

"Tears of the Kingdom's ending invalidates Zelda's sacrifice, and she should have stayed a dragon (or come back with dragony bits). Also, Zelda is a bitch for yelling at Link one time and then 'stealing' his house."

"Alice in Wonderland is about drugs."

"Shinji Ikari is a wuss."

"Asuka Langley Soryu is an irredeemable bitch."

"Steven Universe should have murdered the Diamonds."

"Rose Quartz was an irredeemable monster."

"Batman is a rich guy who beats up poor people."

"Superman is a boring, overpowered Gary Stu."

"Katara is a bitch."

"Skyler White is a bitch."

"Christine should have ended up with the Phantom at the end of The Phantom of the Opera."

"Snake, not Raiden, should have been the protagonist of Metal Gear Solid 2."

"Gohan was wasted potential."

"Krillin is a loser."

"Tidus from Final Fantasy X is a wuss, and Auron should have been the main character."

"Catra should have died as punishment for her transgressions."

Feel free to add any other bad media illiteracy takes in the replies/reblogs.

[starlightinmeshallshineonyou]

Something Strange Part 1 (A Marvel Cinematic Universe Fanfiction)

(A/N: GIF isn’t mine, please kindly check the maker of this GIF! [@carabuonos​])

Pairing: TFATWS! Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: First of all, I’m sorry if I butchered the timeline because it’s freaking confusing lol. Secondly, this is a fanfiction, not a canon work of art/story lol! 

Word Count: 1.090 

Summary: A certain witch is out of control, it’s up to Y/N to take care of it. Of course with the help of the White Wolf, Captain America, and others.

INSIDE OF WESTVIEW

The women floating and dancing in the air, conjuring one color to the other one. They both dodged and conjured one more until one of them lost their will to fight and wither away.

It was sad really, the woman with unruly hair thought. That she could achieve this with just a matter of days. And finally it’s on her hands, in her veins.

She could feel it blooming with such intensity what the power could do. At long last ….

She could transcend into something more. And she wanted it all. “About our deal. Once cast, a spell can never be changed.” She said. “This world you made will always be broken. Just. Like. You.” She shot her arms to the woman, but the magic was simply perished.

The woman tried to conjure once more, but there was nothing. Her darkened hands were fine. Her magic was fine too. She could feel it in her body. Something was wrong. The problem was not from her. Something intervened her.

She looked up and saw that the woman with the red jacket’ life force started to mend, making her look young again. Her withered hand that was restoring to life brought up to the air as the clouds around the hex started to clear out, showing bright red of different runes all over the wall.

Agatha Harkness, the woman who absorbed the other woman’s magic, looked around them. “Runes,” it wasn’t a question, merely a confusion. 

“In a given space,” Wanda Maximoff, the girl whose life force was back to its beginning, said. “Only the witch who cast them can use her magic. Thanks for the lesson-”

It was such an irony, Agatha thought. That she mocked Wanda and now Wanda mocked her back.

A crown of red light was forming against Wanda’s face down to her cheekbones as she said, “-but I don’t need you to tell me ... who ... I am.”

Agatha shook her head in agony, “no. No. No. No!”

But it was too late. Wanda’s eyes turned violent red as she brought her hands up to Agatha and absorbed her magic. Not only Agatha’s magic but also from her surroundings. The universe finally cried in relief that they’re finally congratulating the birth of someone. Or something.

Agatha cried and groaned at the same time as her magic being drained by Wanda. And behold, the universe cried once more, floating in front of you is none other than The Scarlet Witch herself in all her glory.

“Oh, God. You don’t know what you’ve done...” Agatha gave in to her loss.

SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY, OUTSIDE OF WESTVIEW

(A/N: GIF isn’t mine, please kindly check the maker of this GIF! [@tvneon​​])

You opened your eyes and looked at your surroundings. Where am I?

You tried to stand up, but then you started to lose equilibrium and you groaned. A couple of minutes later, you started to get a grip on yourself and ask once more, “Where am I?”

You looked to the sky and quickly shielded your eyes from the sunlight. It burned your mind and suddenly your memory started to replay all over again in a quick motion. You shook your head, but it was too late. You vomited on the roots of the big tree and wiped your commissure with the back of your hand.

Your memory that was hurting you were a bunch of colors, clashing another: purple and red. You still didn’t know what it meant.

Again, you tried to jog your memory, but this time, at low speed. You tried to understand it like a kid tried to understand the situation they were in.

And then you knew what was going on. You cursed yourself, the universe, and all the possibilities. 

A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER, INSIDE OF WESTVIEW

You walked toward the big sign of Westview after dropping off from your ride. It was rusted and the grass around it dried and burned under the bright sun. In your line of vision, you could see the trace of static and hazy Wanda’s hex magic.

You reached for Wanda’s magic, like a drop of ink in the water, and absorbed it to your body. Your memory started to play again, a new one. This time was a snippet of Wanda levitating in the air and flying outside of Westview.

She’s gone, you thought.

This was bad. You didn’t prepare for this kind of situation and yet here you were. Where could she probably go? You knew when you reliving the new memory, Wanda felt bad for what she’d done to the people of Westview. So surely she couldn't go to a crowded place with a much greater population. 

I need to confirm this.

So you walked into the heart of Westview to find answers.

A FEW MONTHS LATER, NEW YORK

Bucky was back at his place after grocery shopping. He pulled out the stuff he bought and put it in his apartment cupboard and refrigerator. Then he put on his TV, showing a certain winged man with a shield with a star logo on it, the new Captain America. 

Bucky smiled, Sam really did deserve it. The title, the shield, the legacy. He was truly worth it to continue the path that Steve had paved. And Bucky? Bucky was okay with that. He’d help Sam as best as he could.

He turned off his TV and threw off his black t-shirt to the floor. He laid his body on the floor and brought up the blanket when he heard something like a punch and a crack in the alley.

He quickly got up and went to the window and slid it open. He walked to the fire escape and saw that there was someone beating a person with red jacket and a glimpse of tattoo on the nape of that person’s neck.

Bucky didn’t hesitate and jumped straight to the ground, knocking the attacker as well. The guy with bald head dropped down to the ground with a grunt. He looked up as fear crawled up into his eyes. Realizing who was standing In front of him. He stumbled back to the wall, shaking his head. Saying something like wouldn't do that again, the attacker quickly got up and ran for his life.

Bucky turned around and saw the person with red jacket wiping wiping the blood from the beating. “Hey, you’re okay right there?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” The person said. “Thank you, Barnes.”

“Your wel-” Bucky realized and saw that the person’s eyes were suddenly blazing with a scarlet red.

___

A/N: This is part one of I don’t know how many parts this story will be lol! And don’t get high hope on second part because I’m a lazy writer lol! 

[izusun]

i just finished heroes rising (yes im late asf) here are my final thoughts:

-all dis bkdk hyfr

-shonen is so fucking dramatic why are 2 high school freshmen going toe to toe with satan then you got deku extra dramatic ass like “im not strong enough to beat him” yes because that is an evil demi god and you are a 15 yr old like go do your math homework??? shshjdjsa

-speaking of which all might put some FAITH. into the universe giving izuku OFA because this child is ready to sacrifice his life at a moments notice like is he a reincarnate from attack on titan why is he so ready to die holy shit. deku could get into an argument in line to checkout at walmart and itll somehow escalate to him breaking all his limbs (twice) and talking about how these are his final moments to save everyone

-and then theres katsuki: “you’re gonna fix him? ha im just gonna join him in his insanity 🤪” *breaks limbs too*

-seeing shigaraki makes me itch

-the real showdown needs to be shigaraki vs some chapstick and a couple benadryl. shigaraki vs the first aide aisle at CVS.

-this is deff not canon cus why they aint do all this while shigaraki was on a rampage instead they had poor mr aizawa running around with his foot hanging on by a thread? but at least we got to watch kacchan get stabbed up and so did deku 💕

-WAIT i just remembered buff grandma had to bring deku back to life at the end so yea he cant do this again but like still after this fiasco id be looking at shigarakis little dust n’ crumble show like “🤨 ok and?”

-aww these badass lil kids 🥺

-but no why was that ending fight so dramatic

anon, bestie, my beloved and the light of my boring life, i hope you know that you singlehandedly made my day

first, no ones ever late for heroes rising. who cares if bnha movie 03 is out, you just watched the most cinematic piece of gayness and teenage angst (heroes rising) and lived, and for that we applaud you

second (and other numbers to which i wouldn’t write), EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS SENDING ME DHAKDJS IDEK WHERE TO BEGIN BECAUSE YOUR COMMENTARY IS SO FUNNY I CANT FEEL MY LUNGS

- MATH HSHWKDJKSJ ok but it’s funnier when you remember that the devil incarnate’s called nine and maybe hori’s using him as a symbolism?? like teenager vs. math, but in physical forms

- NOT MIDORIYA BEING A REINCARNATE FROM AOT IM C RYINT

- midoriya fighting someone and breaking his limbs at walmart is so damn canon at this point. oh he was out to buy potatoes? too bad a villain pops up and midoriya’s ass just has to sacrifice some fingers to survive idk

- everyone thinking bakugou’s the “i can change him” in their duo only to realize midoriya’s “i can make him worse” is stronger and bakugou is a simple man ofc he’d break his bones too bc why not

- UR TAKE ON SHIGARAKI HAS ME HOWLING IN LAUGHTER DHAJXJJA

- idk maybe 1a wouldve won against shiggy if they just sprayed moisturizer his way

- dhhsjaha 1a: *legit tryna save a damn island* // UA staff: lalalala

- bakugou and midoriya getting stabbed and then trapped by a long dragon-snake thing 🥺💕

- oh and bkdk handholding 🥰 (yes the situations were mega bad, BUT bkdk handholding💓)

- anon: buff grandma // me: gilf

- “shigaraki’s little dust n’ crumble” is now how we’re gonna call his quirk. decay? nah it’s litol dust n’ crumble

- dramatic ending fight that resulted in a massive rainbow cloud? they were coming out don’t judge them 😔

[danihow]

Grey-eyed marshmallow

Bucky Barnes x Singlemom!reader

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Word count: 2.4k

Summary: While going out for a walk, Bucky meets this cute little brown haired toddler lost in the middle of the Central Park.

Warnings: Fluff, if you squint you will find how I lost this as I wrote, not too much reader’s protagonism, buta lot of Bucky with a kid.

A/N: I actually thought of this after learning the meaning of some flowers.Bucky loved Saturdays, the only day in the week were he could actually wake up in the mornings without work in his mind, going for a walk through New York in order to know more about this new world he was now trapped in and still did not understood. 

Today, it was more than a lovely Saturday. The sky was clear and the sun was shining high up in between the few clouds that covered the sky of the city that never sleeps, being accompanied by the cool breezes that tore the orange leaves apart from the tree branches and covered the floor in its sunset colors.

Right now, Bucky was walking peacefully around the park, the smell of wet dirt and car fumes mixing in his nostrils just as his ears ringed with the crunchy sound of dry leaves under his feet, the brown-haired man was just enjoying the vibes he got every time he could walk around without hiding from the world.

He loved the sensation of comfort these moments brought to him, those times where he felt less like the former assassin he was brain-washed to be and more like the youthful man he was before. Those tiny spaces in his timeline where his shoulders could relax and his senses will laze at the lack of danger around him and he could be maybe not normal again, but at least less strange.

His gaze danced upon the orange-ish trees of October and then gathered at the people that walked past him. The man also liked to study people facial expressions instead of unconsciously hearing to their emotive heartbeats without permission, he could now better than ever tell when people were running late to their jobs or appointments, when people were worried or stressed but pretended not to, but he by far liked more when people were happy and unworried with their lives, just like he would never get to be again.Suddenly, his eyes spotted a blue human marshmallow standing right next to a garbage bin, a toddler that did not even reached 6 years old. The look in the little boy’s face was just heartbreaking to the soldier, his grey eyes were open wide with fear as big tears gathered there without falling, his mouth formed a scared pout and trembled more with every second that passed, Bucky knew that face, poor little man was just about to cry.

With slow steps he reached his side, squatting so their faces would be at the same height. “Hey there buddy.” Barnes gave the toddler a little smile and spoke in a soft voice, not wanting to scare him. “What’s wrong?” He asked once big grey eyes met his. 

“I don’t know where momma is...” He muttered in a cracking voice, a small sob escaping his lips. “She was here and then... not.” 

“Ow, I’m so sorry bud.” He said, a small grimace in his face and nodded. “Are you waiting for her too show up?” The blue-eyed man asked, looking with concern to the boy. He would handle so well this situation back in his days, now he did not know exactly what to do, should he call the police? Should he help him? Should he wait with him? Was he supposed not to help? He just couldn’t shut that recurrent thought of helping him, he could not even bear the thought of leaving him there, he could not do something so... selfish, no.

“Um... I guess sir.” He nodded, actually thinking about what was he doing there near the garbage bin. 

“What is your name bud?”

“My... my momma told me not to give my name to strangers.” He muttered, the image of the woman replaying that words in his little head.

“Well, your mother certainly raised you well little guy.” He muttered, looking around, searching for any woman that could be looking for her child. Still, he found none, but fuck it, he was going to help the kid find his mom even if he was or was not supposed to, he was born in the 1920s, not in the 2000s. “What do you think about I help you find a police officer so you can find your mother?”

“Would you help me find my momma, sir?” Hope, that was what was shining from the back of the kid grey irises, hope that brushed the fear away.

“Of course bud.” He smiled, brushing the little tears from the kid’s cheeks before standing upright again, offering his large and calloused hand for the grey-eyed child to take. “I’m James.”

“It- It is nice to meet you mister James.” The kid smiled for the very first time to Bucky, making his heart warm a bit inside his chest, his big eyes almost unnoticeable thanks to his cold and pink cheeks. 

“How does your momma looks bud?” He asks as the kiddo’s hand grabbed threefingers from the soldier’s.

“She... she has (h/c) hair about this long, her eyes are (e/c), and um... her height is up to... there.” With his free hand the little kid signaled about where his momma would reach the soldier in height. “Oh, she is wearing a red coat and a black scarvara.”

“A black what bud?”

“A scarvara, like this one.” He signaled his scarf, ‘Oh, a scarf.’ The soldier thought to himself, a soft chuckle escaping under his breath

“A ‘right bud, let’s search for your mother.” And with that, the big man and the small child started walking for minutes that turned into more than half an hour around the big area of the central park. Around ten minutes into the search the kid ended in the soldier’s back as a way to make this easier. And besides, he could be chatting with the kid to keep his mind far from his actual situation.

“You have a metal hand?” The kid asked, noticing how the gold lines shined under the brims of snlight that passed through the tree branches. 

“Yeah kiddo, I have a full metal arm.” He smiled, the arm attached to him didn’t bothered him anymore, he was on full control of himself since Wakanda which meant the fear he had about it was unjustified now, he knew he could harm the kid but he knew eve better that he wouldn’t.

“You are really strong Mr. James.” The kid admired as his chin rested on his right shoulder and his grey eyes looked around in search of his mother. “Mom isn’t able to do piggy back rides for this long.” 

“But I guess she gives great piggy back rides.”

“Oh yeah, the best in all Manhattan, sir.” The kid spoke with pride, his arms around the man’s neck as they walked over a tiny bridge. “You should meet her, Mr. James. So you can be friends.”

“You think your mom would like to be my friend bud?”

“Of course, she is the nicest person ever, she loves to meet new people.” The smile on his face could be heard from even a mile away and Bucky was not even facing him to know how much this woman meant to this kid. “You know sir? You remind me of someone I saw on the TV.”

“Really bud?” 

“Bud... Could that be your mom?” The man interrupted himself as he spotted a woman that physically matched what the kid in his arms explained to him earlier, a really worried look on her face as she talked on the phone to someone.

“Yes! That is momma!” The voice yelled at the soldier’s ears, making him laugh. “Momma!” The boy squealed before wiggling to get down in the floor.

“Alright buddy, go slower, she is not going anywhere again.” Bucky’s voiced in a laugh as he safely put the brown-haired boy back in the ground, just in the moment his hands let his little shoulders go the boy ran as fast as he could to the woman.

“Mommy!” He yelled not once or twice, multiple times until the woman turned, facing the toddler in amusement before a smile crippled its way to her mascara stained cheeks, kneeling in the sideway so her child could hug her.

“Aiden...” She replied in her crackly voice once she scooped the kid in her arms. “I’ve never been so worried, where were you?” 

“I’m sorry I ran after a dog and got lost, do you forgive me?” The kid, apparently named Aiden muttered to his momma, ashamed for his actions. A few feet away stood Barnes with his hands again in his pockets as he awkwardly stared at the movie-type scene, maybe he had to go now? He had nothing to do there, the kiddo was back to his mom, he was useless. “But I made a friend!” He heard from the boy, causing his head to snap up in his direction, did he meant him? 

“You did?” After drying her tears in her coat sleeves the woman looked at her son with concern. 

“Yep! I made a friend all by myself! He is Mr. James!” And after that a little finger was pointing directly at Bucky, who actually did not know how to act at this moment.

In the moment the woman’s eyes were on Bucky he felt even clueless about how to act, is like he learnt nothing in his past 100 years of life just to be there in that moment in front of the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. “H- hi.” He smiled awkwardly and nodded in a greeting way, would this woman like him? She can think he kidnapped her son or even worse.

“He helped me find you, he kept me safe.” He smiled proud of his friend as his mother stood up again without taking her eyes off the man.

“Thank you for doing that, really.” She gave Bucky the sweetest smile he has ever gotten and took his son’s hand between hers. “I was so scared when I lost him, I don’t know how to thank you.”

“There is no actual need for you to thank me, I just did the right thing.” He smiled as the words left his mouth, hands still in his pocket while he shrugged his shoulders, but it was true in his heart, he did not felt like needing to be given any type of special thanks for helping the kid, it was just the right thing.

“Oh no, there totally is, there is a lot of people who could’ve take Aiden away from me.” Her tone was bittersweet, words that held a truth she disliked to face, words that settled on Barnes’ gut. “So I must thank you.”

“Then, your welcome ma’am.” He nodded, a small comforting smile adorning his features as his eyes placed on the motherly-protective side hug she gave her son.

“Momma, I want to suggest something...” With little tugs on her coat, the woman’s attention was again on her grey-eyed kid. “What if we take Mr. James for some ice cream? Please?” Innocently the little-man asked, causing his mom to roll her eyes playfully and the soldier to chuckle under his breath.

“Would you like some ice cream, sir?” She asked again to the soldier, suggesting with a quite more relaxed smile, her hand now brushing her son’s messy hair with motherly love.

Still, Bucky did not expect such a simple smile to impulse his response to an almost immediate nod, actually thinking what he did after it was done for the first time a really long time. “If that is what you and the little man want, I will accept the ice cream.” His words making him internally cringe for not specific reason, the smile in the kid’s face grows and his grey orbs sparked in joy.

“Then let’s go mum, let’s go and get some ice cream, please.” With little hands brought to his chest, Aiden pleaded his momma to go for ice cream.

“Let’s go then.” She chuckled, taking his little gloved hand in hers, looking again at the glorious man in front of her. “Shall we head for ice cream now ‘Mr. James’?” She playfully reiterated, earning a chuckle from Bucky as he nodded again,

“Call me Bucky ma’am.” He friendly offered, with slow yet long steps walking until he was a couple of feet away from them.

“I’m Y/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you Bucky.” And then, she offered him the brightest smile she could form, making impossible to the man not to smile back at her. 

“Oh, I am Aiden sir.” The boy suddenly named, remembering how he did not introduced himself and extending his free gloved hand to the man as he saw in the cartoons. “L/N, Aiden L/N.”

Did he just quoted James Bond to the man? Yes, the kid totally did and it made his mom laugh.

But oh, Bucky watched that movie with Sam last week, so he, for probably the first time in a long time, understood a reference. “Nice to meet you Aiden.” He chuckled, shaking his little hand in his as a greeting.

“Alright little agent, let’s go for that ice cream.” The woman, Y/N, playfully muttered to both before the three of them started walking. Bucky walking not too away from the kid and his mom.

Later that day...

“So... you are telling me that after that ted talk you gave me last week about how movie relationships are the most unrealistic thing is pure bullshit now?” Sam asked ion a funny tone as both him and Bucky walked down the hallway to the common room. 

“I did not said that.” Bucky cleared up in his bothered tone of voice. “And they are unrealistic.”

“Oh, excuse me mister I-met-a-gorgeous-woman-who-is-single-and-invited-me-ice-cream-after-I-found-her-child-in-the-middle-of-the-fucking-Central-Park-and-forgot-to-ask-her-number. That shit is actually realistic, ya’know.”

"You fucking fly with fucking metal wings and we fucking fought a big grape alien last year, tell me how that is realistic Samuel.”

But hold on, Sam was not actually on the wrong path, after Bucky and Y/N went for ice cream with Aiden, she actually did gave him her number and may or may not have schedule another ice cream hang out for the next Saturday as if it was freaking Jennifer Lopez’s movie. Still, that was not something the super soldier was going to admit to his friend anytime soon.

And it was all thanks to the grey-eyed marshmallow he found besides a trash can, damn, how much was Bucky going to owe that little buddy in a future.

[grigori77]

2020 in Movies - My Top 30 Fave Movies (Part 3)

10.  WOLFWALKERS – eleven years ago, Irish director Tomm Moore exploded onto the animated cinema scene with The Secret of Kells, a spellbinding feature debut which captivated audiences the world over and even garnered an Oscar nomination.  Admittedly I didn’t actually even know about it until I discovered his work through his astonishing follow-up, Song of the Sea (another Academy Award nominee), in 2015, so when I finally caught it I was already a fan of Moore’s work.  It’s been a similarly long wait for his third feature, but he’s genuinely pulled off a hat-trick, delivering a third flawless film in a row which OF COURSE means that his latest feature is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, my top animated feature of 2020.  I could even be tempted to say it’s his best work to date … this is an ASTONISHING film, a work of such breath-taking, spell-binding beauty that I spent its entire hour and three-quarters glued to the screen, simple mesmerised by the wonder and majesty of this latest iteration of the characteristically stylised “Cartoon Saloon” look.  It’s also liberally steeped in Moore’s trademark Celtic vibe and atmosphere, once again delving deep into his homeland’s rich and evocative cultural history and mythology while also bringing us something far more original and personal – this time the titular supernatural beings are magical near-human beings whose own subconscious can assume the form of very real wolves.  Set in a particularly dark time in Irish history – namely 1650, when Oliver Cromwell was Lord Protector – the story follows Robyn (Honor Kneafsey, probably best known for the Christmas Prince films), the impetuous and spirited young daughter of English hunter Bill Goodfellowe (Sean Bean), brought in by the Protectorate to rid the city of Kilkenny of the wolves plaguing the area.  One day fate intervenes and Robyn meets Mebh Og MacTire (The Girl at the End of the Garden‘s Eve Whittaker), a wild girl living in the woods, whose accidental bite gives her strange dreams in which she becomes a wolf – turns out Mebh is a wolfwalker, and now so is Robyn … every aspect of this film is an utter triumph for Moore and co, who have crafted a work of living, breathing cinematic art that’s easily the equal to (if not even better than) the best that Disney, Dreamworks or any of the other animation studios could create.  Then there’s the excellent voice cast – Bean brings fatherly warmth and compassion to the role that belies his character’s intimidating size, while Kneafsey and Whittaker make for a sweet and sassy pair as they bond in spite of powerful cultural differences, and the masterful Simon McBurney (Harry Potter, Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy) brings cool, understated menace to the role of Cromwell himself.  This is a film with plenty of emotional heft to go with its marvels, and once again displays the welcome dark side which added particular spice to Moore’s previous films, but ultimately this is still a gentle and heartfelt work of wonder that makes for equally suitable viewing for children as for those who are still kids at heart – ultimately, then, this is another triumph for one of the most singularly original filmmakers working in animation today, and if Wolfwalkers doesn’t make it third time lucky come Oscars-time then there’s no justice in the world …

9.  WONDER WOMAN 1984 – probably the biggest change for 2020 compared to pretty much all of the past decade is how different the fortunes of superhero cinema turned out to be.  A year earlier the Marvel Cinematic Universe had dominated all, but the DC Extended Universe still got a good hit in with big surprise hit Shazam!  Fast-forward to now and things are VERY different – DC suddenly came out in the lead, but only because Marvel’s intended heavy-hitters (two MCU movies, the first Venom sequel and potential hot-shit new franchise starter Morbius: the Living Vampire) found themselves continuously pushed back thanks to (back then) unforeseen circumstances which continue to shit all over our theatre-going slate for the immediate future.  In the end DC’s only SERIOUS competition turned out to be NETFLIX … never mind, at least we got ONE big established superhero blockbuster into the cinemas before the end of the year that the whole family could enjoy, and who better to headline it than DC’s “newest” big screen megastar, Diana Prince? Back in 2017 Monster’s Ball director Patty Jenkins’ monumental DCEU standalone spectacularly realigned the trajectory of a cinematic franchise that was visibly flagging, redesigning the template for the series’ future which has since led to some (mostly) consistently impressive subsequent offerings.  Needless to say it was a damn tough act to follow, but Jenkins and co-writers Geoff Johns (Arrow and The Flash) and David Callaham (The Expendables, Zombieland: Double Tap, future MCU entry Shang-Chi & the Legend of the Ten Rings) have risen to the challenge in fine style, delivering something which pretty much equals that spectacular franchise debut … as has Gal Gadot, who’s now OFFICIALLY made the role her own thanks to yet another showstopping and definitive performance as the unstoppable Amazonian goddess living amongst us.  She’s older and wiser than in the first film, but still hasn’t lost that forthright honesty and wonderfully pure heart we’ve come to love ever since her introduction in Zack Snyder’s troublesome but ultimately underrated Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice (yes, that’s right, I said it!), and Gadot’s clear, overwhelming commitment to the role continues to pay off magnificently as she once again proves that Diana is THE VERY BEST superhero in the DCEU cinematic pantheon.  Although it takes place several decades after its predecessor, WW84 is, obviously, still very much a period piece, Jenkins and co this time perfectly capturing the sheer opulent and over-the-top tastelessness of the 1980s in all its big-haired, bad-suited, oversized shoulder-padded glory while telling a story that encapsulates the greedy excessiveness of the Reagan era, perfectly embodied in the film’s nominal villain, Max Lord (The Mandalorian himself, Pedro Pascal), a wishy-washy wannabe oil tycoon conman who chances upon a supercharged wish-rock and unleashes a devastating supernatural “monkey’s paw” upon the world. To say any more would give away a whole raft of spectacular twists and turns that deserve to be enjoyed good and cold, although they did spoil one major surprise in the trailer when they teased the return of Diana’s first love, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine) … needless to say this is another big blockbuster bursting with big characters, big action and BIG IDEAS, just what we’ve come to expect after Wonder Woman’s first triumphant big screen adventure.  Interestingly, the film starts out feeling like it’s going to be a bubbly, light, frothy affair – after a particularly stunning all-action opening flashback to Diana’s childhood on Themyscira, the film proper kicks off with a bright and breezy atmosphere that feels a bit like the kind of Saturday morning cartoon action the consistently impressive set-pieces take such unfettered joy in parodying, but as the stakes are raised the tone grows darker and more emotionally potent, the storm clouds gathering for a spectacularly epic climax that, for once, doesn’t feel too overblown or weighed down by its visual effects, while the intelligent script has unfathomable hidden depths to it, making us think far more than these kinds of blockbusters usually do.  It’s really great to see Chris Pine return since he was one of the best things about the first movie, and his lovably childlike wide-eyed wonder at this brave new world perfectly echoes Diana’s own last time round; Kristen Wiig, meanwhile, is pretty phenomenal throughout as Dr Barbara Minerva, the initially geeky and timid nerd who discovers an impressive inner strength but ultimately turns into a superpowered apex predator as she becomes one of Wonder Woman’s most infamous foes, the Cheetah; Pascal, of course, is clearly having the time of his life hamming it up to the hilt as Lord, playing gloriously against his effortlessly cool, charismatic action hero image to deliver a compellingly troubling examination of the monstrous corrupting influence of absolute power.  Once again, though, the film truly belongs to Gadot – she looks amazing, acts her socks off magnificently, and totally rules the movie.  After this, a second sequel is a no-brainer, because Wonder Woman remains the one DC superhero who’s truly capable of bearing the weight of this particular cinematic franchise on her powerful shoulders – needless to say, it’s already been greenlit, and with both Jenkins and Gadot onboard, I’m happy to sign up for more too …

8.  LOVE & MONSTERS – with the cinemas continuing their frustrating habit of opening for a little while and then closing while the pandemic ebbed and flowed in the months after the summer season, it was starting to look like there might not have been ANY big budget blockbusters to enjoy before year’s end as heavyweights like Black Widow, No Time To Die and Dune pulled back to potentially more certain release slots into 2021 (with only WW84 remaining stubbornly in place for Christmas).  Then Paramount decided to throw us a bone, opting to release this post-apocalyptic horror comedy on-demand in October instead, thus giving me the perfect little present to tie me over during the darkening days of autumn. The end result was a stone-cold gem that came out of nowhere to completely blow critics away, a spectacular sleeper hit that ultimately proved one of the year’s biggest and most brilliant surprises.  Director Michael Matthews may only have had South African indie thriller Five Fingers for Marseilles under his belt prior to this, but he proves he’s definitely a solid talent to watch in the future, crafting a fun and effective thrill-ride that, like all the best horror comedies, is consistently as funny as it is scary, sharing much of the same DNA as this particular mash-up genre’s classics like Tremors and Zombieland and standing up impressively well to such comparisons.  The story, penned by rising star Brian Duffield (who has TWO other entries on this list, Underwater and Spontaneous) and Matthew Robinson (The Invention of Lying, Dora & the Lost City of Gold), is also pretty ingenious and surprisingly original – a meteorite strike has unleashed weird mutagenic pathogens that warp various creepy crawly critters into gigantic monstrosities that have slaughter most of the world’s human population, leaving only a beleaguered, dwindling few to eke out a precarious living in underground colonies. Living in one such makeshift community is Joel Dawson (The Maze Runner’s Dylan O’Brien), a smart and likeable geek who really isn’t very adventurous, is extremely awkward and uncoordinated, and has a problem with freezing if threatened … which makes it all the more inexplicable when he decides, entirely against the advice of everyone he knows, to venture onto the surface so he can make the incredibly dangerous week-long trek to the neighbouring colony where his girlfriend Aimee (Iron Fist’s Jessica Henwick) has ended up.  Joel is, without a doubt, the best role that O’Brien has EVER had, a total dork who’s completely unsuited to this kind of adventure and, in the real world, sure to be eaten alive in the first five minutes, but he’s also such a fantastically believable, fallible everyman that every one of us desperate, pathetic omega-males and females can instantly put ourselves in his place, making it elementarily easy to root for him.  He’s also hilariously funny, his winningly self-deprecating sass and pitch perfect talent for physical comedy making it all the more rewarding watching each gloriously anarchic life-and-death encounter mould him into the year’s most unlikely action hero.  Henwick, meanwhile, once again impresses in a well-written role where she’s able to make a big impression despite her decidedly short screen time, as do the legendary Michael Rooker and brilliant newcomer Ariana Greenblatt as Clyde and Minnow, the adorably jaded, seen-it-all-before pair of “professional survivors” Joel meets en-route, who teach him to survive on the surface.  The action is fast, frenetic and potently visceral, the impressively realistic digital creature effects bringing a motley crew of bloodthirsty beasties to suitably blood-curdling life for the film’s consistently terrifying set-pieces, while the world-building is intricately thought-out and skilfully executed.  Altogether, this was an absolute joy from start to finish, and a film I enthusiastically endorsed to everyone I knew was looking for something fun to enjoy during the frustrating lockdown nights-in.  One of the cinematic year’s best kept secrets then, and a compelling sign of things to come for its up-and-coming director.

7.  PARASITE – I’ve been a fan of master Korean filmmaker Bong Joon-ho ever since I stumbled across his deeply weird but also thoroughly brilliant breakthrough feature The Host, and it’s a love that’s deepened since thanks to truly magnificent sci-fi actioner Snowpiercer, so I was looking forward to his latest feature as much as any movie geek, but even I wasn’t prepared for just what a runaway juggernaut of a hit this one turned out to be, from the insane box office to all that award-season glory (especially that undeniable clean-sweep at the Oscars). I’ll just come out and say it, this film deserves it all.  It’s EASILY Bong’s best film to date (which is really saying something), a masterful social satire and jet black comedy that raises some genuinely intriguing questions before delivering deeply troubling answers.  Straddling the ever-widening gulf between a disaffected idle rich upper class and impoverished, struggling lower class in modern-day Seoul, it tells the story of the Kim family – father Ki-taek (Bong’s good luck charm, Song Kang-ho), mother Chung-sook (Jang Hye-jin), son Ki-woo (Train to Busan’s Choi Woo-shik) and daughter Ki-jung (The Silenced’s Park So-dam) – a poor family living in a run-down basement apartment who live hand-to-mouth in minimum wage jobs and can barely rub two pennies together, until they’re presented with an intriguing opportunity.  Through happy chance, Ki-woon is hired as an English tutor for Park Da-hye (Jung Ji-so), the daughter of a wealthy family, which offers him the chance to recommend Ki-jung as an art tutor to the Parks’ troubled young son, Da-song (Jung Hyeon-jun). Soon the rest of the Kims are getting in on the act, the kids contriving opportunities for their father to replace Mr Park’s chauffeur and their mother to oust the family’s long-serving housekeeper, Gook Moon-gwang (Lee Jung-eun), and before long their situation has improved dramatically.  But as they two families become more deeply entwined, cracks begin to show in their supposed blissful harmony as the natural prejudices of their respective classes start to take hold, and as events spiral out of control a terrible confrontation looms on the horizon.  This is social commentary at its most scathing, Bong drawing on personal experiences from his youth to inform the razor-sharp script (co-written by his production assistant Han Jin-won), while he weaves a palpable atmosphere of knife-edged tension throughout to add spice to the perfectly observed dark humour of the situation, all the while throwing intriguing twists and turns at us before suddenly dropping such a massive jaw-dropper of a gear-change that the film completely turns on its head to stunning effect.  The cast are all thoroughly astounding, Song once again dominating the film with a turn at once sloppy and dishevelled but also poignant and heartfelt, while there are particularly noteworthy turns from Lee Sun-kyun as the Parks’ self-absorbed patriarch Dong-ik and Choi Yeo-jeong (The Concubine) as his flighty, easily-led wife Choi Yeon-gyo, as well as a fantastically weird appearance in the latter half from Park Myung-hoon.  This is heady stuff, dangerously seductive even as it becomes increasingly uncomfortable viewing, so that even as the screws tighten and everything goes to hell it’s simply impossible to look away.  Bong Joon-ho really has surpassed himself this time, delivering an existential mind-scrambler that lingers long after the credits have rolled and might even have you questioning your place in society once you’ve thought about it some. It deserves every single award and every ounce of praise it’s been lavished with, and looks set to go down as one of the true cinematic greats of this new decade.  Trust me, if this was a purely critical best-of list it’d be RIGHT AT THE TOP …

6.  THE OLD GUARD – Netflix’ undisputable TOP OFFERING of the summer came damn close to bagging the whole season, and I can’t help thinking that even if some of the stiffer competition had still been present it may well have still finished this high. Gina Prince-Blythewood (Love & Basketball, the Secret Life of Bees) directs comics legend Greg Rucka’s adaptation of his own popular series with uncanny skill and laser-focused visual flair considering there’s nothing on her previous CV to suggest she’d be THIS good at mounting a stomping great ultraviolent action thriller, ushering in a thoroughly engrossing tale of four ancient, invulnerable immortal warriors – Andy AKA Andromache of Scythia (Charlize Theron), Booker AKA Sebastian de Livre (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe AKA Yusuf Al-Kaysani (Wolf’s Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky AKA Niccolo di Ginova (Trust’s Luca Marinelli) – who’ve been around forever, hiring out their services as mercenaries for righteous causes while jealously guarding their identities for fear of horrific experimentation and exploitation should their true natures ever be discovered.  Their anonymity is threatened, however, when they’re uncovered by former CIA operative James Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor), who’s working for the decidedly dodgy pharmaceutical conglomerate run by sociopathic billionaire Steven Merrick (Harry Melling, formerly Dudley in the Harry Potter movies), who want to capture these immortals so they can patent whatever it is that makes them keep on ticking … just as a fifth immortal, US Marine Nile Freeman (If Beale Street Could Talk’s KiKi Layne), awakens after being “killed” on deployment in Afghanistan.  The supporting players are excellent, particularly Ejiofor, smart and driven but ultimately principled and deeply conflicted about what he’s doing, even if he does have the best of intentions, and Melling, the kind of loathsome, reptilian scumbag you just love to hate, but the film REALLY DOES belong to the Old Guard themselves – Schoenaerts is a master brooder, spot-on casting as the group’s relative newcomer, only immortal since the Napoleonic Wars but clearly one seriously old soul who’s already VERY tired of the lifestyle, while Joe and Nicky (who met on opposing sides of the Crusades) are simply ADORABLE, an unapologetically matter-of-fact gay couple who are sweet, sassy and incredibly kind, the absolute emotional heart of the film; it’s the ladies, however, that are most memorable here.  Layne is exceptional, investing Nile with a steely intensity that puts her in good stead as her new existence threatens to overwhelm her and MORE THAN qualified to bust heads alongside her elders … but it’s ancient Greek warrior Andy who steals the film, Theron building on the astounding work she did in Atomic Blonde to prove, once and for all, that there’s no woman on Earth who looks better kicking arse than her (as Booker puts it, “that woman has forgotten more ways to kill than entire armies will ever learn”); in her hands, Andy truly is a goddess of death, tough as tungsten alloy and unflappable even in the face of hell itself, but underneath it all she hides a heart as big as any of her friends’.  They’re an impossibly lovable bunch and you feel you could follow them on another TEN adventures like this one, which is just as well, because Prince-Blythewood and Rucka certainly put them through their paces here – the drama is high (but frequently laced with a gentle, knowing sense of humour, particularly whenever Joe and Nicky are onscreen), as are the stakes, and the frequent action sequences are top-notch, executed with rare skill and bone-crunching zest, but also ALWAYS in service to the story.  Altogether this is an astounding film, a genuine victory for its makers and, it seems, for Netflix themselves – it’s become one of the platform’s biggest hits to date, earning well-deserved critical acclaim and great respect and genuine geek love from the fanbase at large.  After this, a sequel is not only inevitable, it’s ESSENTIAL …

5.  MANK – it’s always nice when David Fincher, one of my TOP FIVE ALL TIME FAVOURITE DIRECTORS, drops a new movie, because it can be GUARANTEED to place good and high in my rundown for that year.  The man is a frickin’ GENIUS, a true master of the craft, genuinely one of the auteur’s auteurs.  I’ve NEVER seen him deliver a bad film – even a misfiring Fincher (see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button or Alien 3) is still capable of creating GREAT CINEMA.  How? Why?  It’s because he genuinely LOVES the art form, it’s been his obsession all his life, and he’s spent every day of it becoming the best possible filmmaker he can be.  Who better to tell the story of the creation of one of the ULTIMATE cinematic masterpieces, then?  Benjamin Ross’ acclaimed biopic RKO 281 covered similar ground, presenting a compelling look into the making Citizen Kane, the timeless masterpiece of Hollywood’s ULTIMATE auteur, Orson Welles, but Fincher’s film is more interested in the original inspiration for the story, how it was written and, most importantly, the man who wrote it – Herman J. Mankiewicz, known to his friends as Mank. One of my favourite actors of all time, Gary Oldman, delivers yet another of his career best performances in the lead role, once a man of vision and incredible storytelling skill whose talents have largely been squandered through professional difficulties and personal vices, a burned out one-time great fallen on hard times whom Welles picks up out of the trash, dusts off and offers a chance to create something truly great again.  The only catch?  The subject of their film (albeit dressed up in the guise of fictional newspaper magnate Charles Foster Kane) is to be real-life publisher, politico and tycoon William Randolph Hurst (Charles Dance), once Mank’s friend and patron before they had a very public and messy falling out which partly led to his current circumstances.  As he toils away in seclusion on what is destined to become his true masterwork, flashbacks reveal to us the fascinating, moving and ultimately tragic tale of his rise and fall from grace in the movie business, set against the backdrop of one of the most tumultuous periods in American history.  Shooting a script that his own journalist and screenwriter father, Jack, crafted and then failed to bring to the screen himself before his death in 2003, Fincher has been working for almost a quarter century to make this film, and all that passion and drive is writ large on the screen – this is a glorious film ABOUT film, the art of it, the creation of it, and all the dirty little secrets of what the industry itself has always really been like, especially in that most glamorous and illusory of times.  The fact that Fincher shot in black and white and intentionally made it look like it was made in the early 1940s (the “golden age of the Silver Screen”, if you will) may seem like a gimmick, but instead it’s a very shrewd choice that expertly captures the gloss and moodiness of the age, almost looking like a contemporary companion piece to Kane itself, and it’s the perfect way to frame all the sharp-witted observation, subtly subversive character development and murky behind-the-scenes machinations that tell the story.  Oldman is in every way the star here, holding the screen with all the consummate skill and flair we’ve come to expect from him, but there’s no denying the uniformly excellent supporting cast are equal to the task here – Dance is at his regal, charismatic best as Hearst, while Amanda Seyfried is icily classy on the surface but mischievous and lovably grounded underneath as Hearst’s mistress, Marion Davies, who formed the basis for Kane’s most controversial character, Arliss Howard (Full Metal Jacket, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Moneyball) brings nuance and complexity to the role of MGM founder Louis B. Mayer, Tom Pelphrey (Banshee, Ozark) is understated but compelling as Mank’s younger screenwriter brother Joseph, and Lily Collins and Tuppence Middleton exude class and long-suffering stubbornness as the two main women in Mank’s life (his secretary and platonic muse, Rita Alexander, and his wife, Sara), while The Musketeers’ Tom Burke’s periodic but potent appearances as Orson Welles help to drive the story in the “present”.  Another Netflix release which I was (thankfully) able to catch on the big screen during one of the brief lulls between British lockdowns, this was a decidedly meta cinematic experience that perfectly encapsulated not only what is truly required for the creation of a screen epic, but also the latest pinnacle in the career of one of the greatest filmmakers working in the business today, powerful, stirring, intriguing and surprising in equal measure. Certainly it’s one of the most important films ABOUT so far film this century, but is it as good as Citizen Kane?  Boy, that’s a tough one …

4.  ENOLA HOLMES – ultimately, my top film for the autumn/winter movie season was also the film which finally topped my Netflix Original features list, as well as beating all other streaming offerings for the entire year (which is saying something, as you should know by now).  Had things been different, this would have been one of Warner Bros’ BIGGEST releases for the year in the cinema, of that I have no doubt, a surprise sleeper hit which would have taken the world by storm – as it is it’s STILL become a sensation, albeit in a much more mid-pandemic, lockdown home-viewing kind of way.  Before you start crying oh God no, not another Sherlock Holmes adaptation, this is a very different beast from either the Guy Ritchie take or the modernized BBC show, instead side-lining the great literary sleuth in favour of a delicious new AU version, based on The Case of the Missing Marquess, the first novel in the Enola Holmes Mysteries literary series from American YA author Nancy Springer.  Positing that Sherlock Holmes (Henry Cavill) and his elder brother Mycroft (Sam Claflin) had an equally ingenious and precocious baby sister, the film introduces us to Enola (Stranger Things’ Millie Bobby Brown), who’s been raised at home by their strong-willed mother Eudoria (Helena Bonham Carter) to be just as intelligent, well-read and intellectually skilled as her far more advantageously masculine elder siblings.  Then, on the morning of her sixteenth birthday, Enola awakens to find her mother has vanished, putting her in a pretty pickle since this leaves her a ward of Mycroft, a self-absorbed social peacock who finds her to be wilfully free-spirited and completely ill equipped to face the world, concluding that the only solution is sending her to boarding school where she’ll learn to become a proper lady.  Needless to say she’s horrified by the prospect, deciding to run away and search for her mother instead … this is about as perfect a family adventure film as you could wish for, following a vital, capable and compelling teen detective-in-the-making as she embarks on her very first investigation, as well as winding up tangled in a second to boot involving a young runaway noble, Viscount Tewkesbury, the Marquess of Basilwether (Medici’s Louis Partridge), and the film is a breezy, swift-paced and rewardingly entertaining romp that feels like a welcome breath of fresh air for a literary property which, beloved as it may be, has been adapted to death over the years.  Enola Holmes a brilliant young hero who’s perfectly crafted to carry the franchise forward in fresh new directions, and Brown brings her to life with effervescent charm, boisterous energy and mischievous irreverence that are entirely irresistible; Cavill and Claflin, meanwhile, are perfectly cast as the two very different brothers – this Sherlock is much less louche and world-weary than most previous versions, still razor sharp and intellectually restless but with a comfortable ease and a youthful spring in his step that perfectly suits the actor, while Mycroft is as superior and arrogant as ever, a preening arse we derive huge enjoyment watching Enola consistently get the best of; Bonham Carter doesn’t get a lot of screen-time but as we’d expect she does a lot with what she has to make the practical, eccentric and unapologetically modern Eudoria thoroughly memorable, while Partridge is carefree and likeable as the naïve but irresistible Tewkesbury, and there are strong supporting turns from Frances de la Tour as his stately grandmother, the Dowager, Susie Wokoma (Crazyhead, Truth Seekers) as Emily, a feisty suffragette who runs a jujitsu studio, Burn Gorman as dastardly thug-for-hire Linthorn, and Four Lions’ Adeel Akhtar as a particularly scuzzy Inspector Lestrade.  Seasoned TV director Harry Bradbeer (Fleabag, Killing Eve) makes his feature debut with an impressive splash, unfolding the action at a brisk pace while keeping the narrative firmly focused on an intricate mystery plot that throws in plenty of ingenious twists and turns before a suitably atmospheric climax and pleasing denouement which nonetheless artfully sets up more to come in the future, while screenwriter Jack Thorne (His Dark Materials, The Scouting Book for Boys, Wonder) delivers strong character work and liberally peppers the dialogue with a veritable cavalcade of witty zingers.  Boisterous, compelling, amusing, affecting and exciting in equal measure, this is a spirited and appealing slice of cinematic escapism that flatters its viewers and never talks down to them, a perfect little period adventure for a cosy Sunday afternoon.  Obviously there’s plenty of potential for more, and with further books to adapt there’s more than enough material for a pile of sequels – Neflix would be barmy indeed to turn their nose up at this opportunity …

3.  1917 – it’s a rare thing for a film to leave me truly shell-shocked by its sheer awesomeness, for me to walk out of a cinema in a genuine daze, unable to talk or even really think about much of anything for a few hours because I’m simply marvelling at what I’ve just witnessed.  Needless to say, when I do find a film like that (Fight Club, Inception, Mad Max: Fury Road) it usually earns a place very close to my heart indeed.  The latest tour-de-force from Sam Mendes is one of those films – an epic World War I thriller that plays out ENTIRELY in one shot, which doesn’t simply feel like a glorified gimmick or stunt but instead is a genuine MASTERPIECE of film, a mesmerising journey of emotion and imagination in a shockingly real environment that’s impossible to tear your eyes away from.  Sure, Mendes has impressed us before – his first film, American Beauty, is a GREAT movie, one of the most impressive feature debuts of the 2000s, while Skyfall is, in my opinion, quite simply THE BEST BOND FILM EVER MADE – but this is in a whole other league.  It’s an astounding achievement, made all the more impressive when you realise that there’s very little trickery at play here, no clever digital magic (just some augmentation here and there), it’s all real locations and sets, filmed in long, elaborately choreographed takes blended together with clever edits to make it as seamless as possible – it’s not the first film to try to do this (remember Birdman? Bushwick?), but I’ve never seen it done better, or with greater skill. But it’s not just a clever cinematic exercise, there’s a genuine story here, told with guts and urgency, and populated by real flesh and blood characters – the heart of the film is True History of the Kelly Gang’s George MacKay and Dean Chapman (probably best known as Tommen Baratheon in Game of Thrones) as Lance Corporals Will Schofield and Tom Blake, the two young tommies sent out across enemy territory on a desperate mission to stop a British regiment from rushing headlong into a German trap (Tom himself has a personal stake in this because his brother is an officer in the attack).  They’re a likeable pair, very human and relatable throughout, brave and true but never so overtly heroic that they stretch credibility, so when tragedy strikes along the way it’s particularly devastating; both deliver exceptional performances that effortlessly carry us through the film, and they’re given sterling support from a selection of top-drawer British talent, from Sherlock stars Andrew Scott and Benedict Cumberbatch to Mark Strong and Colin Firth, each delivering magnificently in small but potent cameos.  That said, the cinematography and art department are the BIGGEST stars here, masterful veteran DOP Roger Deakins (The Shawshank Redemption, Blade Runner 2049 and pretty much the Coen Brothers’ entire back catalogue among MANY others) making every frame sing with beauty, horror, tension or tragedy as the need arises, and the environments are SO REAL it feels less like production design than that someone simply sent the cast and crew back in time to film in the real Northern France circa 1917 – from a nightmarish trek across No Man’s Land to a desperate chase through a ruined French village lit only by dancing flare-light in the darkness before dawn, every scene is utterly immersive and simply STUNNING.  I don’t think it’s possible for Mendes to make a film better than this, but I sure hope he gives it a go all the same.  Either way, this was the most incredible, exhausting, truly AWESOME experience I had at the cinema all year – it’s a film that DESERVES to be seen on the big screen, and I feel truly sorry for those who missed the chance …

2.  BIRDS OF PREY & THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN – the only reason 1917 isn’t at number two is because Warner Bros.’ cinematic DC Extended Universe project FINALLY got round to bringing my favourite DC Comics title to the big screen.  It was been the biggest pleasure of my cinematic year getting to see my top DC superheroines brought to life on the big screen, and it was done in high style, in my opinion THE BEST of the DCEU films to date (yup, I loved it EVEN MORE than the Wonder Woman movies).  It was also great seeing Harley Quinn return after her show-stealing turn in David Ayer’s clunky but ultimately still hugely enjoyable Suicide Squad, better still that they got her SPOT ON this time – this is the Harley I’ve always loved in the comics, unpredictable, irreverent and entirely without regard for what anyone else thinks of her, as well as one talented psychiatrist.  Margot Robbie once more excels in the role she was basically BORN to play, clearly relishing the chance to finally do Harley TRUE justice, and she’s a total riot from start to finish, infectiously lovable no matter what crazy, sometimes downright REPRIHENSIBLE antics she gets up to.  Needless to say she’s the nominal star here, her latest ill-advised adventure driving the story – finally done with the Joker and itching to make her emancipation official, Harley publicly announces their breakup by blowing up Ace Chemicals (their love spot, basically), inadvertently painting a target on her back in the process since she’s no longer under the assumed protection of Gotham’s feared Clown Prince of Crime – but that doesn’t mean she eclipses the other main players the movie’s REALLY supposed to be about.  Each member of the Birds of Prey is beautifully written and brought to vivid, arse-kicking life by what had to be 2020’s most exciting cast – Helena Bertinelli, the Huntress, is the perfect character for Mary Elizabeth Winstead to finally pay off on that action hero potential she showed in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, but this is a MUCH more enjoyable role outside of the fight choreography because while Helena may be a world-class dark avenger, socially she’s a total dork, which just makes her thoroughly adorable; Rosie Perez is similarly perfect casting as Renee Montoya, the uncompromising pint-sized Gotham PD detective who kicks against the corrupt system no matter what kind of trouble it gets her into, and just gets angrier all the time, paradoxically making us like her even more; and then there’s the film’s major controversy, at least as far as the fans are concerned, namely one Cassandra Cain.  Sure, this take is VERY different from the comics’ version (a nearly mute master assassin who went on to become the second woman to wear the mask of Batgirl before assuming her own crime-fighting mantle as Black Bat and now Orphan), but personally I like to think this is simply Cass at THE VERY START of her origin story, leaving plenty of time for her to discover her warrior origins when the DCEU finally gets around to introducing her mum, Lady Shiva (personally I want Michelle Yeoh to play her, but that’s just me) – anyways, here she’s a skilled child pickpocket whose latest theft inadvertently sets off the larger central plot, and newcomer Ella Jay Basco brings a fantastic pre-teen irreverence and spiky charm to the role, beautifully playing against Robbie’s mercurial energy.  My favourite here BY FAR, however, is Dinah Lance, aka the Black Canary (not only my favourite Bird of Prey but my very favourite DC superheroine PERIOD), the choice of up-and-comer Jurnee Smollet-Bell (Friday Night Lights, Underground) proving to be the film’s most inspired casting – a club singer with the metahuman ability to emit piercing supersonic screams, she’s also a ferocious martial artist (in the comics she’s one of the very best fighters IN THE WORLD), as well as a wonderfully pure soul you just can’t help loving, and it made me SO UNBELIEVABLY HAPPY that they got my Canary EXACTLY RIGHT.  Altogether they’re a fantastic bunch of badass ladies, basically my perfect superhero team, and the way they’re all brought together (along with Harley, of course) is beautifully thought out and perfectly executed … they’ve also got one hell of a threat to overcome, namely Gotham crime boss Roman Sionis, the Black Mask, one of the Joker’s chief rivals – Ewan McGregor brings his A-game in a frustratingly rare villainous turn (my number one bad guy for the movie year), a monstrously narcissistic, woman-hating control freak with a penchant for peeling off the faces of those who displease him, sharing some exquisitely creepy chemistry with Chris Messina (The Mindy Project) as Sionis’ nihilistic lieutenant Victor Zsasz.  This is about as good as superhero cinema gets, a perfect example of the sheer brilliance you get when you switch up the formula to create something new, an ultra-violent, unapologetically R-rated middle finger to the classic tropes, a fantastic black comedy thrill ride that’s got to be the most full-on feminist blockbuster ever made – it’s helmed by a woman (Dead Pigs director Cathy Yan), written by a woman (Bumblebee’s Christina Hodson), produced by more women and ABOUT a bunch of badass women magnificently triumphing over toxic masculinity in all its forms.  It’s also simply BRILLIANT – the cast are all clearly having a blast, the action sequences are first rate (the spectacular GCPD evidence room fight in which Harley gets to REALLY cut loose is the undisputable highlight), it has a gleefully anarchic sense of humour and is simply BURSTING with phenomenal homages, references and in-jokes for the fans (Bruce the hyena! Stuffed beaver! Roller derby!).  It’s also got a killer soundtrack, populated almost exclusively by numbers from female artists.  Altogether, then, this is the VERY BEST the DCEU has to offer to date, and VERY NEARLY my absolute FAVOURITE film of 2020.  Give it all the love you can, it sure as hell deserves it.

1.  TENET – granted, the streaming platforms (particularly Netflix and Amazon) certainly saved our cinematic summer, but I’m still IMMEASURABLY glad that my ultimate top-spot winner FOR THE WHOLE YEAR was one I got to experience on THE BIG SCREEN. You gotta hand it to Christopher Nolan, he sure hung in there, stubbornly determined that his latest cinematic masterpiece WOULD be released in cinemas in the summer (albeit ultimately landing JUST inside the line in the final week of August and ultimately taking the bite at the box office because of the still shaky atmosphere), and it was worth all the fuss because, for me, this was THE PERFECT MOVIE for me to get return to cinemas with.  I mean, okay, in the end it WASN’T the FIRST new movie I saw after the first reopening, that honour went to Unhinged, but THIS was my first real Saturday night-out big screen EXPERIENCE since March.  Needless to say, Nolan didn’t disappoint this time any more than he has on any of his consistently spectacular previous releases, delivering another twisted, mind-boggling headfuck of a full-blooded experiential sensory overload that comes perilously close to toppling his long-standing auteur-peak, Inception (itself second only by fractions to The Dark Knight as far as I’m concerned). To say much at all about the plot would give away major spoilers – personally I’d recommend just going in as cold as possible, indeed you really should just stop reading this right now and just GO SEE IT.  Still with us?  Okay … the VERY abridged version is that it’s about a secret war being waged between the present and the future by people capable of “inverting” time in substances, objects, people, whatever, into which the Protagonist (BlacKkKlansman’s John David Washington), an unnamed CIA agent, has been dispatched in order to prevent a potential coming apocalypse. Washington is once again on top form, crafting a robust and compelling morally complex heroic lead who’s just as comfortable negotiating the minefields of black market intrigue as he is breaking into places or dispatching heavies, Kenneth Branagh delivers one of his most interesting and memorable performances in years as brutal Russian oligarch Andrei Sator, a genuinely nasty piece of work who was ALMOST the year’s very best screen villain, Elizabeth Debicki (The Night Manager, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Widows) brings strength, poise and wounded integrity to the role of Sator’s estranged wife, Kat, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson gets to use his own accent for once as tough-as-nails British Intelligence officer Ives, while there are brief but consistently notable supporting turns and cameos from Martin Donovan, Yesterday’s Himesh Patel, Dirk Gently’s Fiona Dourif and, of course, Nolan’s good luck charm, Michael Caine.  The cast’s biggest surprise, however, is Robert Pattinson, truly a revelation in what has to be, HANDS DOWN, his best role to date, Neil, the Protagonist’s mysterious handler – he’s by turns cheeky, slick, duplicitous and thoroughly badass, delivering an enjoyably multi-layered, chameleonic performance which proves what I’ve long maintained, that the former Twilight star is actually a fucking amazing actor, and on the basis of this, even if that amazing new teaser trailer wasn’t making the rounds, I think the debate about whether or not he’s the right choice for the new Batman is now academic.  As we’ve come to expect from Nolan, this is a TRUE tour-de-force experience, a visual triumph and an endlessly engrossing head-scratcher, Nolan’s screenplay bringing in seriously big ideas and throwing us some major narrative knots and loopholes, constantly wrong-footing the viewer while also setting up truly revelatory payoffs from seemingly low-key, unimportant beginnings – this is a film you need to be awake and attentive for or you could miss something pretty vital. The action sequences are, as ever, second to none, some of the year’s very best set-pieces coming thick and fast and executed with some of the most accomplished skill in the business, while Nolan-regular cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar and Dunkirk, as well as the heady likes of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, SPECTRE and Ad Astra) once again shows he’s one of the best camera-wizards in the business today by delivering some absolutely mesmerising visuals.  Notably, Nolan’s other regular collaborator, composer Hans Zimmer, is absent here (although he had good reason, since he was working on his dream project at the time, the fast-approaching screen adaptation of Dune), but Ludwig Göransson (best known for his collaborations with Ryan Coogler Fruitvale Station, Creed and Black Panther, as well as career-best work on The Mandalorian) is a fine replacement, crafting an intriguingly internalised, post-modern musical landscape that thrums and pulses in time with the story and emotions of the characters rather than the action itself. Interestingly it’s on the subject of sound that some of the film’s rare detractions have been levelled, and I can see some of the points – the soundtrack mix is an all-encompassing thing, and there are times when the dialogue can be overwhelmed, but in Nolan’s defence this film is a heady, immersive experience, something you really need to concentrate on, so these potential flaws are easily forgiven.  As a work of filmmaking art, this is another flawless wonder from one of the true masters of the craft working in cinema today, but it’s art with palpable substance, a rewarding whole that proved truly unbeatable in 2020 …

[sofiapagen]

Ahhhm Im not in the mood to do a complete sketchbook tour so here are some highlights from my current one (49th)