#Class 10 exams
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if i gave up on being pretty i wouldn't know how to be alive
#dungeon meshi fanart#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#benichidori#i know she isnt filipino but she feels like those types of adults to have never stopped the nose-pinching practice#(in the ph you get taught to pinch your nose for 10 seconds so “it becomes sharper” since flat noses are considered ugly)#ppl stop doing it as they grow older but some don't bc 1) second nature & 2) can't accept the way their noses look#i WOULD draw it but im studying for a life changing exam rn 😭 i made this in class to destress
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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Everyone kept talking about how the final exam for business ethics was so hard and tanking all their grades and when I took it I breezed right through it and got a 100%
They’re gonna hunt me for sport 😭
#it was online and we just had to take in anytime between 9 am and 10 pm#it was so easy I don’t understand what they had trouble with??#no fandom#they were all talking about how hopefully the curve will help them#I thought I’d have to rely on the curve too because they made it seem like it was an impossible exam#I’m not saying shit to any of them on how I scored#I like living ty v much#I just need a final paper for that class now#and I still have my 2 other classes
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Today i spent over 7 hours straight playing mao someone needs to stop me
#imagine going to class what#no okay but with some friends they didnt have class at 10 and our class was boring so we were like mao??? mao#and they left at 11 but we were still 4 and that class was also boring so...........#and then at 12:30 another 2 friends came when they finished their exam and we started playing#we DID eat lunch but did not stop playing to do so🫠🫠#there was that one game that lasted like 4 hours not joking#they bullied me so hard there was that one turn where one of them had played over 15 cards and i still couldnt play😭😭😭#(i was bullying them with my rules)#mine#life#uni
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Annotating books : Nah that's too much
Writing all the literary devices in NCERT English book : Yup
#me#my books#rants#rants n rambles#desi teen#batch of class 10#class 10 ki padhai#cbse boards#boards exam#desiblr#desi academia#desi tumblr#school books#ncert#txt post#txt
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Can only nut in the downtime between major tests of the mind so that my celibacy powers will regenerate before the next one and i do not leave myself vulnerable to the God’s wrath
#my stuff#i would love to say this is fake but Pattern Recognition Autism has noticed a freak ass trend#girls who nut before the exam (and had horrible study prep. unrelated.) flop midterms. 10% below average#girls with a month of paranoid celibacy (and actually studied for the exam) 2nd best in whole class#now of course i cannot crank it lest my prelims be sent back for a second round of revisions. awful. sex.exe actively getting corrupted
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feeling like,,,, soon I'm probably gonna become obsessed with evangelion again. the weather forecast says I'm gonna have the evangelion brain disease not too long from now
#mole talks#maybe i should rewatch it. yeah haha that'll make me wanna die#i remember the first time i watched evangelion was actually when i was 14 and was in year 10#had to do some pretty important exams (year 10 is the year before you do gcses so the work you do then feels like a big deal at the time)#i stayed up late watching evangelion and then the next day i went into school only to absolutely flunk my maths exam#i got.. 26% in that exam#my friend was SO pissed off at me when she learnt i spent so much time watching eva instead of studying!!#but this is one of my favourite memories ever for some reason#i've always been bad at maths.. but lately i've actually been kind of okay at it so i dunno what happened?#i didn't pay any attention in maths class last year#but i somehow performed very well on my maths exam last year#and this year i was moved up a maths class because my grade was high#i don't know how that happened? but i almost started liking maths after that#but then. my new classmates in my new maths class are the worst#i have the coolest maths teacher now! but the worst classmates#they talk constantly and never shut up#and i want/ to die. (just kidding i don't wanna die. i love life and living and laughing and et cetera)
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the funniest thing ever happened last year I had a stats exam and I was really really nauseous while taking it so I literally guessed every answer somehow I scored like 8.5/10
literally just now some stats profs emailed me like hey you did really well last year do you wanna join our research group who's gonna tell them they got the wrong girl for that 💀💀
#nana talks#extra info that exam was a retake exam too I messed up the first time#I was trying to not throw up and got really lucky with my guesses I think#but hons I do not know what a linear regression is you do not want me in a research group for stats omg#I survived that class on pure luck no knowledge my smart friend was explaining things 60 times to me and I was still confused#like I used all my luck on that exam I guess thats why my nightmare luck in obey me was so awful for months#never forgetting the great asmo incident of 2023 where I wasted like 7 10 pulls trying to get an asmo card because I liked his outfit#I didnt even get the ssr of that nightmare#and another similar thing happened twice with lucifer cards
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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safari crashed in the middle of my exam (answers were saved thank god) but canvas recorded my grade as 0/100 so now i have to look at this until the professor fixes my grade 😭
#in reality i got a 95% which would make my overall grade for the class a 98% much better to look at#but i CANT bc technology SUCKS 😒#overly thankful about the answers being saved bc i started this exam at around 10:30 and submitted it at 1:50 am 🙃#3 hours and for WHAT
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“10th karlo, uske baad toh maze hi maze hai” LIES “12 ke baad toh sirf maze hai” LIES “arre college khatam phir maze hi-” LIES LIES LIES
#desiblr#desi tumblr#class 10#class 12#boards#board exams#cbse 2023#cbse class 10#cbseboard#cbse exam#india#desi shit posting#academia#dark academic aesthetic#academia aesthetic#chaotic academic aesthetic#art academia#chaotic academia#dark academism#desi dark academia
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Just took my first biology exam and got a pretty decent score of an F! 🎉🎉🎉
#i already have an F in biology anyways#HERE'S WHY THO#learning the course material for me is manageable#WHAT FUCKED ME UP WAS MY ASS FORGETTING OUR PROF HAS US DO ASSIGNMENTS ON ANOTHER SITE#(and my missing a full week earlier on by forgetting- which just HAD to cover 2 chapters worth of content yaaay)#but also that this is the most disorganized course i have#our prof is new so idk if that plays a part in it#but like??? theres no regular updates like 'hey guys dont forget to do this and that!'#like i get it#its college#they emphasize self-discipline so really its on us#but like uggh#what fucked up my overall class grade too (which is already an F btw) is the missed hw#like???? just?? hw that was never included in the module???? like BAM SURPRISE 0 GRADE NOTIFICATION SPAM ON OVER 10+ ASSIGNMENTS U MISSED!!#absolutely wonderful#deadass wanna drop out of this course and just take it again in the next term#so i can get another prof coz i dont like how disorganized this one feels tbh#literally my only complaint about college#but again the blame's on me too for not actively looking so i take accountability#the exam itself was a breeze at the beginning and end#it was just 80% was of the fucking week i missed#my bad for not doing a study speedrun whoopsies I SLIPPED
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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PASSED ALL MY CLASSES YIPPEEEE
#personal#the engineering chronicles#on the one hand how the mighty have fallen etc but on the other. thank FUCK this semester is over#it wasn’t even that bad objectively like if i hadn’t had the musical im pretty sure this semester would have been a breeze. but w the#musical everything was so scattered i never had time to do hw and i had to skip classes to meet w ppl for group projects bc the only time#any of us were available was in the mornings except then the meetings would go later than planned and i wouldn’t be able to make it to#my morning class and. etc. rehearsals till 10 like 5 times a week just did not work on in this regard. BUT WE DID IT <3 scraped a b- out of#physics w my highest test score in that class and will likely end probability w a b#<- he put in my final exam grade (88 🥳) but there are still three labs that need to be graded so technically my grade could fall to a b- or#c+ but neither is likely#still mad abt that 60 i got on the last exam bc if i had done as well on that exam as i did every other exam for this class i could have#ended w a b+ or a- but. whatever i’m just relieved this courseload is over with. even if i will be thrown right back into everything in a#week at least there is this week for me to relax and not feel awful for failing even more classes this year lmao
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i got a fucking 98 on my database homework 👁️👁️
#y'all do not understand#basically this class is the hardest in my major over half the students fail or drop out#there's like 4 hw assignments a midterm (25%) and a final (25%) (and some quizzes 10%) and each hw is worth 10%#only we do practice and the hw is like exams and we aren't allowed to talk to other students about the course material#it's extremely hard & specific & frankly the guy is way too harsh a critic to be a prof#that being said i messed up the labeling on one collumn but otherwise got a 98 which is crazy good#honestly in disbelief i cried so hard about that hw#anyways i'm going to bed i'm gonna be so screwed at work tomorrow it's fine#rose.txt
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Why Gifted Kids Are Actually Special Needs
youtube
why am i crying over a video.
#it felt too personal#i finally figured out wtf is my problem#the real problem is i've never learned how to study like a normal kid#and instead thought studying 10 mins before exam is enough to get good grades#and it worked till last year#i had to face to reality when i got 40 from math and arabic#now i wanna study in order to be the best student in the class as i've always been in my whole life but i just don't know how to do anymore#i don't wanna be the smart kid i just wanna be normal#why is it that hard#why do i always have to be different#why do i always have to be a fucking perfectionist who never believes she's enough#why is even 85/100 not good for me#how can i change that mindset#how can i be normal#i wanna be normal
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