#Clark literally fighting for his life out here

[frownyalfred]

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY NUKED SUPERMAN IN BATMAN V SUPERMAN?????, WAS I WATCHING A DIFFERENT MOVIEEEEE?????

This scene. When Doomsday is fighting Superman and the US government, post-Black Zero, decides to act quickly this time and nuke both of them while they're fighting to try and get them away from the planet.

It's actually a super chilling scene if you separate it from the big bad fight. The techs all cross themselves and Swanwick looks horrified. They decide to nuke even though Superman is basically right on top of Doomsday desperately trying to get him up. And of course, Clark looks back to see the nuke and decides to still hold on and keep Doomsday distracted for as long as possible.

It's a bookend to the scene at the beginning of the movie where Clark doesn't manage to get the big bad out of the city/away from the planet and causes Black Zero, the massive loss of civilian life that motivates Bruce in the first place.

Anyway, after the nuke connects we have this beautiful, quieter shot with Bruce in the plane and his face lights up in the nuke's glow. He knows instantly what happened. And Batman of all people is speechless. Mouth open, eyes wide. Speechless.

Then because it's an action movie, the nuke makes Doomsday even stronger, he falls back down to Gotham, and Clark is left floating in space massively injured/depowered. And there's another gorgeous scene where the sun begins to crest over the Earth's surface, and we see him float in it and regain his strength/powers. Literally gaunt cheeks filling in. It's one of my favorites in the whole movie.

Anyway, I like this scene even if it's a bit silly to think about because everyone involved recognizes that nuking something is HUGE. Nobody's playing the cowboy here really, everyone is horrified. Bruce is horrified. General Swanwick is horrified. Was this too far? IS there such a thing after Black Zero? It's very in line with the 9/11 parallels, what limits there are and aren't after such a tragedy.

[noxcheshire]

The absolute insanity with Danny “I am half dead” Fenton being an alternate version of Clark Kent who (dpxdc fanon) eats kryptonite, has a clone-sister-daughter that he regularly vibes with, and a future evil no-longer-him in time out with Time Grandpa doing community service for his anger management issues, all while his existence is illegal in a world that doesn’t even have the JL (yet) and Danny being an absolute SASS machine.

Puns, snark, sass, in a tiny ass teenager who will punt you into space cause he has no sense of how soft he should be for non-ghosts.

And then he spots Kon/Conner, and goes, “A son! :D” much to everyone’s confusion cause Clark had been anything but nice to his own clone.

Will Danny fix that learned clone racism? Not right before he kicks Clark’s ass, dragging him through the mud, and insulting him in all the ways he can.

Danny: I don’t care if you are another superhero version of me, I will still decimate your entire ego into dust! >:(

Clark, who is currently face down in dirt, and being swung around by a child:

DP x DC prompt #117

[Insert Superman Villain Here] has concocted a new plan, find a Superman from another universe to help him defeat *his* Superman and help him take over the world. Unfortunately for Superman, [Insert Superman Villan Here]'s plan works...kinda. Instead of an evil Superman, it's a Superman with white hair, green eyes, and a DP insignia on his chest.

[emacrow]

It took the Justice League 5 months to catch the two kids who were stalking Flash.

After Batman has figured out why a little girl were stalking and air kicking flash in the middle of attempting a time run while the other one, a little boy beat the problem in like it a rabid animal.

Superman need 2 hour to physically calm himself the first time he caught the girl once as carefully as he could, only for her heart to stop completely, become inverted, going through his hands with her body literally melting like some sort elderitch horror film hearing that scream if it weren't for the little boy flew by catching her at high speed and diving into a emerging green portal that disappeared.

Clark broke down right there and than, chokes with tears dripping heavy like a child in front of batman with his hands shakenly uncontrollable coated in blood and lararus pits goop. Batman and Diana comforted him as much as he could as he had lois and his adopted parents on sped dial.

Later Clark refused to let go as he kept hugging Jon for 5 hours straight with Conner petting his head and Lois comforting him after he went home. Ma kent making pies in the kitchen like there was annual pie competition.

Diana had tried to talk to them a couple times softly, only to end up fighting in the most impressive yet terrifying amazonian fight she has ever went through against two kids that made her mother talk of battle seem like childplay.

She was fully convinced on the theory they're demigods that Flash somehow erase their existence.

Surprising the one who has caught them long enough to actually convince them to come was J'onn.

Mainly due to the little boy rambling question with the pace of 60 mph with literally stars in his eyes wrapped, tightly wrapped to J'onn's arm like a snake and one little girl, stuffing her face with a bat burger on J'onn's left shoulder.

Apparently due to Flash's time running that he saved a wandering pilgrim man from falling off a cliff that would've led the discovery and making of their modern town. All their loves ones, friends and life were erased out of existence is what Elle, 3 and half now currently told them.

Danny, the sleepy 7 year old boy who still wrapped around J'onn's arm, is going through a crash after a obsession induce manic high because he is an Alien! A real life Alien!! There wasn't any in his timeline, but why did they get real living Alien in this one?! They're in space in a space station!!

Elle is very sorry for traumatizing the flying guy with her destabilizing a bit, she wasn't supposed to change into ghost form yet, but she did what she had to do to escape his grasped.

Frostbite and clockwork did fixed her up thankfully or else danny would've destroyed the world like a grape.

The Justice League concerned looks didn't help when she laughed a bit nervously about it.

Part 1 here <-

[misssilversunny]

Ok wait i just had a funny idea

Why stop at just a yandere batfamily? Why not all of Gotham?

Like, imagine Bane kidnapping you, calling you his "firefly" or whatever because you're a fleeting light in the darkness or something, and you're more guarded than the actual thing he stole.

And despite that, Poison Ivy manages to nab you, her "little rose", while Bane is busy dealing with Batman. She takes you back to her apartment, where you greet the plants you recognize and introduce yourself to the new ones (There aren't many, you were here 3 months ago).

At some point you take a breath of fresh air through an open window, and Scarecrow grabs you, taking you to his lair, into a room which is also pumped with a special strain of fear gas that makes you cling to him for safety.

And then, shock of all shocks, the one and only, motherfucking Joker snatches you from the lair, leaving behind a dummy for Scarecrow to find. Unlike the others, Joker's obsession is in the fact that everyone else is obsessed with you. He finds it hysterical how one person can have all of Gotham in a spin!

Eventually, the Batfam grabs Reader from the Joker, since he's not actually obsessed so he has them the least guarded, maybe a short conversation with Batman, but even Joker knows he's in water too hot to joke about severe injuries, especially since he doesn't know if Red Hood is nearby.

Batman might not kill, but he cannot guarantee that anyone else wouldn't if he killed their favorite person, and he does not have the influence where he could get away with that.

You get returned to your nice cage room in the manor, where the Batfamily scolds you yet again for another failed escape attempt trip outside getting you shipped around Gotham for weeks!

At this point, you're pretty sure you not only can't leave, but also any attempts at a normal life are pointless. You mostly do this because humans are animals and animals need enrichment, and no, the cycle of games/quality time they're giving you are not a suitable replacement for touching grass and seeing new faces.

Even the brief moments of time between kidnappings, the short moments of normalcy that the other villains, the other heroes and vigilantes give you, are a welcome change of pace.

Bonus points if it's literally everyone in neighboring cities/Justice League, so Superman finds you and you're just like "Well shit" because now you're taken to his house, maybe his parents' farm, and you're kept there until someone catches on that Clark has you.

Also if you tack this onto Spoiled!Reader, this becomes infinitely funnier because In my mind I'm treating that AU as 90% a crack/lighthearted fic, and another thing is I think of them as being ~12 sometimes, so it's the entirety of Gotham fighting over a middle schooler.

If it's an adult Reader, it's more of a "This is fine" as they are carted from villain to villain to vigilante to hero because their family literally has a fan club for them, so their perception of what is "normal" levels of interest is severely skewed.

If you want to go for the Neglected!Reader, then it would be really interesting for them to try and figure out where is a good level of "interested in your hobbies", and doubts whether they're so uncomfortable because they're actually too invested in their day to day life, or if it's because they were neglected for so long that any interest feels overwhelming.

Btw all asks about Spoiled!Reader and this Reader are welcome!

[wonderjanga]

Barely Human Cap

Imagine Cap as more dollish than human. Even though he’s supposed to be extremely durable/bulletproof, I think he could take major injuries and brush them off. Like at most, it’ll slow him down a bit, but he’ll just go back to fighting. And the reason for think would be that he can’t feel pain. Hence, the whole doll thing. Like, I can imagine the JL is fighting this super strong and powerful monster or villain that’s even giving the powerhouses of the league trouble. They then have to witness Marvel get hit really hard and go flying. Let’s say Flash runs over to see if he’s alright and sees that Marvel’s entire lower jaw is just gone. One of his eyes is also popped out of the socket and he’s kinda just laying there so Flash, rightfully so, thinks he’s dead. That is until Billy moves and tries to pop his eye back into its socket. He succeeds but not to the horror of Flash. He then casually gets up, even brushes off his cape, and starts to look for his jaw. He then finds it and throws it into a pocket dimension all while Barry watches. Then, when the speedster finally snaps out of his daze he immediately rushes over to Marvel and starts bombarding him with questions as if the champion could answer. Thankfully for Billy, an explosion in the distance helps them remember there’s still a super difficult fight going on so he flies off back to the fight. He horrified the other members of the league during this too.

I also feel like there would be other things. (which might or might not actually be canon) Like, I don’t think Marvel has reproductive organs. And I think Billy would say something like this if the situation ever came down to it:

Superman: “Your tiger isn’t neutered?”

Marvel: “No? Why would he be? Also, he’s not my tiger. He’s just a tiger. That happens to be one of my bestest friends.”

Superman: *doesn’t really know what to say to the last three sentences.* “Right… Well, what if he, y’knows another tiger?”

Marvel: “Then he y’knows her. Trust me when I say getting neutered sucks. I know from personal experience.” (He doesn’t, he just knows his Captain Marvel form doesn’t have anything in the lower regions.)

Green Lantern: “You know from personal experience…?” *He looks horrified.*

Marvel: “Yeah, I do.” (Again, he doesn’t) “One day, the wizard called me in and was like, ‘Marvel, come here.’ So I did. Then, he waved his hand, and everything down under was just gone. That was like ten thousand years ago, but it’s still fresh in my mind.” (He made that up as he went)

Flash: “You… You poor soul.” *Pats Cap’s shoulder.*

I also wouldn’t be surprised if Marvel doesn’t have organs in the first place. Like I can see Clark getting constantly jumpscared by Marvel because the man doesn’t need to breathe, no lungs, he doesn’t have a heartbeat, no heart, and Clark can’t even hear muscles straining as he moves so that suggests he doesn’t have muscles too.

I can also see Billy using this to blatantly lie to press whenever they ask about his dating life (he’s like twelve, he doesn’t have nor want one.) or literally anything else:

Reporter: “Captain!” *Runs over to Billy, camera crew following behind her.*

Marvel: *Stops* “Yes?” *Looks between reporter and camera.*

Reporter: “Could we interview you for a few moments?”

Marvel: “Oh uh- Sure!” *Gives a thumbs up*

Reporter: *Gives cue to camera guy to start rolling* “Alright, so are there any lucky ladies in your life?”

Marvel: “Hm?” *Makes the most confused face and looks around to the aftermath of a battle between Black Adam and him. That was what he expected her to ask about.* “I didn’t catch that.”

Reporter: “Are there any lucky ladies in your life? You’re quite a handsome man, Captain. I’m sure you’ve had your share of women.”

Marvel: *Stares at the reporter for a few seconds with that blank, computing expression.* “Uh… no?” Think, Billy! Think! What can you say to end this fast? “I can’t feel romantic feelings for anyone.”

Reporter: “Can you elaborate?” *Holds mic up to his face.*

Marvel: *thinking of how he can make this make sense* “Well, you see I… don’t have a brain! So I’m not really able to feel things like that.”

Reporter: “ -Oh. Uhm.” *Shocked and looking to the camera man before looking back at Marvel.* “Well—”

Marvel: *Cuts her off* “Okay, bye!” *Flies off fast.*

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

Caught at the last second with Clark Kent?

.⋆｡The Fall｡⋆.

Clark Kent x plus size reader

Faced with a choice between you and Lois, Clark has to decide who lives and who dies

Warnings: angst, fear of heights, literally a life and death situation guys, unrequited love (maybe), vivid imagery of drowning, kind of ambiguous but happy ending (you’ll see) WC: 1.1k

6k Follower Celebration Bingo

Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library

“Isn’t this a predicament Superman? Your ex-lover and your best friend in such precarious situations, across the globe from each other. You’ll only have time to save one of them.” The LEDs of the monitors behind Luther seared into Clarks eyes but he refused to look away. Already his muscles were tensed, ready to dart away at any moment. “I wonder which one you will choose, I know which one I would.” 

Luther smirked, eyeing the monitor that clearly displayed your panicked face as you struggled against the chains wrapped tightly around your soft body. “She is quite the fighter, isn’t she?”

“Why are you doing this Luther?” The man rolled his eyes, finally turning to look at Clark.

“Why wouldn’t I? You are a nuisance, self-righteous, and aggravatingly nosy. If I kill one of them, and I will, I think you’ll learn your lesson. So, here we are. Lois Lane, the only woman you have ever loved, suspended over a cliff somewhere in Europe,” Luther gestured to the image of Lois, her head raising as his voice repeated over the feed and Clark realised that they could both hear what was happening, “and your best friend. The woman who has never stopped supporting you, somewhere in the Pacific with an anchor attached to her, I’m sure you can imagine what her fate is.” The man had the audacity to laugh then, as your expression fell and you stopped struggling.

“You don’t have to do this Luther. Just let them go and I’ll spare you.” 

Lex hummed. “You know, you’re right. This is quite boring by my standards, let’s shake it up.” Suddenly, a ground of masked men surrounded you, briefly blocking the camera before there was a scuffle and the feed cut off. Before Clark could react, another camera turned on, showing the criss-crossing metal beams of a crane as cables in the background shifted in the high winds. “Give them a minute, would you? Not all of us can move so quickly.” 

“I’m going to rip you apart, molecule by molecule.” Red creeped into Clark’s vision, slowly casting a haze of rage over everything.

“Now, if you kill me, you won’t get a hint as to where your women are. So be a good boy and watch. Ah, there she is.” Two men had you by your arms as they dragged you through the crane’s walkway, your eyes squeezed shut. Clark knew how badly you hated heights, descending into panic attacks if he even mentioned taking you out on a flight. His chest burned with fear. “And now, we have a level playing field. So, who are we picking?”

Your chains were thrown onto the edge of the structure, almost out of the camera’s line of sight, the huge iron anchor balancing treacherously by your feet. 

“Kal!” His eyes darted over to the second monitor where Lois was now fighting against a pulley that was quickly tugging her towards a sheer cliff face. Only her hands were bound by thick rope but he knew that as soon as her full body weight pulled on it, the rope would snap. 

“What’s the hint?” He snarled, ripping his gaze back to Lex Luther who was now beaming.

——————

The cold wind was like knives against your exposed skin, cutting into every nerve on your body. You desperately prayed that you would go numb soon, not wanting your last moments on this Earth to be ones full of pain. Your nails bit into the palms of your hands as another gust of wind made the crane groan and sway. It was all you could do not to scream.

Yet you kept your mouth firmly shut because you knew that if you said or did anything now, it would only feed into Clark’s guilt. He was going to pick Lois and you wanted to give him peace of mind. You forced your eyes open to watch the sunset. Your death would not be quick, even with the dizzying height, it would not be enough to kill you. Instead, you would be dragged to the depths as salt water filled your lungs and your screams forcefully ripped from you.

You wouldn’t blame Clark as you sank, you hope that you could instead think about his smile as the dim light above you disappeared into the blue.

You would not tell him that you loved him, refused to leave that weight on his soul when he already carried so much pain within him. But you would imagine a life with him, a kid, maybe two in a small townhouse somewhere quiet, as the pressure and cold consumed you. 

Lois’s voice crackled through the intercom by your head, distorted and warped. A band of fear wrapped tightly around your chest, pressing down harder than the metal chain keeping your arms pinned to your sides. You forced yourself to breathe in the salty air, knowing that it could be your last.

“I’ll be ok Clark, don’t worry about me. Just be happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.” And as the sun dipped below the horizon, you let your eyes shut again, your entire body relaxed. “I’ll be ok.”

Metal scrapped against metal. You were pulled forwards. 

The wind screamed.

You could see the vivid blue of his eyes.

You were weightless.

You could hear his laughter.

The chains rattled.

You saw the moment you met him; the rain around you, a single umbrella between you.

The sound of waves crashing was getting closer. 

He was always so kind, so warm. You never knew a man better than him. 

Gravity slammed into you, knocking a pained cry from your lips. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” Warmth enveloped you as something crashed into the ocean, droplets of water splashing against your ankles. Your cheek was pressed against something hard as a loud, frantic beating filled your ears. “You’re safe.”

Soft fabric wrapped around you, soothing the burn of your skin. Shakily, you reached up, your limbs stiff and aching. “Clark?” With all the strength you had left, you opened your eyes.

You were barely 5 feet up front the ocean swell, a hazy ring of bubbles below you was the only indication that something had been dragging you down at all. Clark was indeed there, holding you tightly to his chest as a huge abandoned oil rig loomed behind him, half of it on fire. His eyes were wide, fearfully examining every inch of your body before his shoulders drooped and he sighed in relief.

“No broken bones or internal bleeding. Thank god.” His lips descended onto your forehead, pressing kiss after kiss to your cold skin.

“You picked me?” He pulled away only enough to look into your eyes. 

“I always will.” A hand cupped the back of your neck, drawing your face upwards. Your lips parted as he glanced at them. “I will do anything to keep you safe.”

And as the fires behind him, Clark finally kissed you, washing away the smell of blood and screams of pain that he had inflicted upon those who took you from him. No one would ever hurt you again.

DC Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Join my taglist!

All works

@im-a-slut-for-fluff @alexxavicry @ravenwings73 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @silverfire475 @psychadelichues @mvyalx @faefanatic @evansqueen54 @anamiad00msday @th3sloth @princess76179 @Lanielagenev @luvvvjada @Lucypaulette @midnight-shadow-va @mooniequeen @slutfor-fictionalmen @km-ffluv @black-rose-29 @minedofmoria @relatednative

DC

@snedhdh @blackhawkfanatic @8bookishworm8 @honkytonkbabe @kobaltdragon  @amarillyssnowdrop 

[fluentmoviequoter]

Honeymoon Suite

Pairing: Dick Grayson x fem!vigilante!reader

Summary: Batman sends you and Dick undercover as newlyweds. At the end of the mission, neither of you want things to change.

Warnings: fluff, possible OOC, brief mentions of insecurity, reader wears a bikini once

Word Count: 2.6k+ words

A/N: Reader is a vigilante but there's no fight scenes or anything, it's more just gathering data for Bruce! I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think or if you have any DC requests! :)

Masterlist | DC/Dick Grayson Masterlist | Request Info

This isn't necessarily Titans!Dick, I just like this gif!

“Since when do you investigate recently paroled convicts?” you ask, looking out over Metropolis. “This seems like more of Clark’s thing. Literally, journalist Clark could do this far easier.”

Bruce sighs, and you smile. You can exhaust him from miles away.

“Because he started in Gotham, and I want to make sure he doesn’t come back,” Bruce answers.

“And I’m still in sunny Superman-city, why? Our boy bought a plane ticket three hours ago.”

“Until he goes to the airport, I want your eyes on him.”

“And then what? He disappears, free to con people who don’t have a Batman?”

“You do it on purpose,” Bruce accuses. “If you’re done asking questions, I’ve got news.”

“Also Clark’s thing,” you quip.

“Never mind. You can stay in Metropolis.”

“You love me, Bats. I’ll stop; tell me.”

“Against our better judgment, we all do.”

You smile, remembering the first night you put on a mask and took to the streets of Gotham. One of your best friends had been permanently altered by Scarecrow toxin, and you were done being scared in your own home. The same week, before you really grasped just how dangerous what you were doing could be, you ran into Robin. Batman wasn’t with him, but you soon met him, too. Robin was your age, reckless, and had a heart-stopping smile, so when he asked you to stay with him, you agreed. Batman reluctantly agreed, likely more interested in getting you off the streets than anything. After a few months, Dick trusted you enough to remove his domino mask, and Bruce sighed as he followed suit. Your relationship with Dick, both in and out of the Robin suit, made you part of two families: The Waynes and the Bats and Birds of Gotham. Every new addition to the family and the team pushed you and Dick closer, and you know what your feelings toward him are, but you have to remind yourself daily that losing him isn’t worth getting it off your chest.

“Still there?” Batman asks.

“Sorry, yeah, I’m here,” you answer quickly, standing as you watch the sun go down.

“There’s going to be a slight detour on your way back.”

“Just tell me it’s somewhere warmer than Gotham,” you joke.

“Much. Nightwing – Dick – will meet you at the airport.”

You want to laugh at the strain in his voice as he says Dick’s name, but your attention catches on another word.

“Airport?”

✯✯✯✯✯

“Welcome to paradise, babe,” Dick greets, pulling you into a warm hug as you walk through the airport doors.

“Thanks,” you murmur, closing your eyes and letting him envelop you completely.

He keeps an arm over your shoulders, leading you to an expensive rental car. After tossing your small bag in the back, he holds your hand over the console, looking into your eyes and smiling.

“I have a question,” he begins. You nod, and Dick’s smile grows. “Will you marry me?”

Your eyes widen as you tell yourself that it’s for the mission.

“A thousand times yes,” you answer, watching Dick slide the ring onto your left ring finger.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

Your hand remains in Dick’s as he begins driving, your dream life with him coming to life around you.

“I checked in when I got here this morning. The honeymoon suite is nice,” Dick says distractedly.

“Honeymoon suite?” you repeat.

Dick hums, and you lower your gaze from his profile to the ring on your finger. It’s going to be a long few days.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Your suitcase is in the closet,” Dick says, leading you into the small cottage with a hand on your back. He sees your confused look and laughs. “I packed a few things for you, I didn’t think you’d have beachwear with you in Metropolis.”

“Thank you.”

Dick lays back on the bed, propping his head up on his hands as he watches you open the closet.

“There’s a white bikini in there that I’m pretty proud of. I think it’s a better choice than you would have made.”

You roll your eyes before looking at the beachy pastels, sundresses, and swimsuits filling the bag. Dick chose things you have always wanted to wear but never felt good enough to buy for yourself. Losing your focus, you finger through the different fabrics, jumping slightly when Dick’s arms wrap around your waist.

“We have dinner reservations tonight, so pick a good one,” he whispers.

“Looks like they’re all good ones.”

“I have excellent taste,” Dick replies with an absent-minded tap to your wedding ring.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Good evening,” Dick greets the couple sharing a table with you. He pulls your seat out, keeping his hand in yours as he sits beside you.

“My, you two are just the most handsome couple I’ve ever seen,” the woman exclaims, leaning toward you. “You picked a fine one, didn’t you, dear?”

You glance over at Dick and smile. “I sure did.”

Dick’s thumb runs over your knuckles, and you let yourself go in the act. Losing yourself, you adopt this character of being a wife to the man you’ve loved for years.

As you eat and talk to the other couples celebrating engagements, weddings, and anniversaries, you lean against Dick’s side, playing with his fingers. After one particularly romantic comment about your eyes, you raise Dick’s hand to your lips, kissing the knuckle below his ring. He turns toward you with a big smile, pecking your forehead before pulling you closer. You could get used to this, which is incompatible with an undercover mission.

✯✯✯✯✯

The proximity is killing you. Dick is so close that you could touch him, and you do, but you try to show some restraint. You set boundaries long ago, including one stating that you would never kiss one another purely for Batman’s never-ending mission. Your firm position on that boundary wavers more with each moment. This island is doing something to you, and you’re terrified that it will ruin your relationship with Dick.

Every time Dick smiles at you or takes your hand, running his finger over the fake ring on your hand, it’s like a glimpse straight out of your dream life. Right now, reclined on the beach in a bikini of Dick’s choosing, though, the dream falls apart.

“Dick,” you whisper, tapping your shoulder against his chest.

He pulls his hand away from your hair, a flower you didn��t see him pick braided into a small section of your hair.

“There’s our guy,” you mumble after he hums, pointing with your chin.

“He coming toward us?” Dick asks, running a sandy hand over your arm.

“Not right now. If he’s looking for the same kind of victim as in Gotham, we’re going to have to set a trap.”

“How?”

You turn toward him, frowning as you answer, “Get in a fight and let me storm off.”

Dick’s eyes drop away from yours before nodding. “Not yet,” he mumbles. “It has to look real.”

“Dinner?” you ask, brushing his hair back.

His eyes flutter closed as he nods, aware that the social setting will make enough of a scene. That doesn’t mean Dick wants to do it, though, nor is he sure about using you as bait.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Do I look okay? This fits weird,” you complain, tugging the white sundress down on the sides.

Dick appears behind you, holding your wrists still as he meets your eyes in the mirror. He pulls your back to his chest, looping his arms over your waist.

“You look beautiful – you are beautiful,” Dick whispers. “So beautiful that I don’t know if I can yell at you.”

“We can change the plan. Pretend like we’ve been arguing all afternoon in private, and I can just choose a moment to storm off,” you offer.

“I don’t want to fight with you at all,” Dick amends.

“Hey.” You turn in his arms, looping yours over his shoulders. “This isn’t real, okay? I will never treat you like this.”

Dick nods, dropping his head to press his forehead against yours.

“Promise?”

You nod, dragging a finger along Dick’s jaw. “I promise.”

✯✯✯✯✯

“Yeah,” you mumble, fiddling with the napkin in your lap. “I got it earlier.”

Dick made a passing comment about working with others, glancing toward you at the end, and you took the opportunity to start a fight. The target, Bruce’s con man, is several tables away, but his eyes are on you. Dick’s eyes drop, and you desperately want to cup his chin and apologize.

“Working with women can be hard though,” someone says, continuing the conversation.

“It certainly can,” Dick agrees.

You stand up, silently tossing your napkin onto the table before you walk out. Navigating through the crowded tables, you take a deep breath when you exit and hear footsteps behind you.

“’Scuse me?” he asks.

You slow before you stop, turning toward him and wiping an imaginary tear.

“I’m sorry, I overheard and just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I’m a marriage counselor and I wouldn’t feel right about leaving you here upset.”

“I’m fine, or I will be,” you answer, slightly impressed with how easily he slipped into the lie. “It’s just frustrating to be married, and I wasn’t expecting it to be so different.”

“Marriage counseling is a great option even for newly-weds. I actually have a pay by the appointment service here on the island, if you’re interested.”

“Oh, really? That- actually, yeah, that sounds amazing. What do I need to do?”

“$1,000 cash, up front, and then you can come by anytime.”

“Soliciting for a false business is illegal,” a resort security guard says as he approaches. “I’m going to need to take you to the office for questioning.”

“Really, me? Because her husband looks a lot like the Wayne kid from Gotham, not Gray Todd or whatever he said his name was,” the conman argues. “What about impersonation?”

Dick walks outside just as the security guard looks toward you.

“What’s going on out here?” Dick asks, laying his hand against the small of your back. “Are you okay?” he adds quietly.

You nod and press back against him gently. “This guy was trying to steal our money, apparently.”

“Someone called in a tip that he’s been posing as a marriage counselor,” the security guard fills in. “Though, do you folks have ID?”

Dick removes his fake ID from his wallet, and you’re surprised when he hands one over for you too.

“Your last names aren’t the same, are these up to date?”

“I haven’t gotten my updated license yet,” you answer. “We haven’t been married long.”

“Ask them questions separately and they won’t be able to answer. They’re the con artists, not me!” the conman cries.

“Maybe I should take you two in for questioning too.”

“On what grounds?” Dick asks with an incredulous chuckle. “What would I need to do to convince you we’re married? This is ridiculous!”

You glance over, and a crowd is gathering at the door, so you tap Dick’s side to alert him. He takes a deep breath before speaking again.

“I’d like to speak to your manager in the morning, but for now, are we free to go?”

The security guard also sees the crowd and hesitates before nodding. Dick leads you away and back toward the cottage but pulls you to a stop at the bottom of the stairs.

“Are you okay?” you ask, looking over his face.

“People are still watching us and we need to keep this up or they won’t believe us,” Dick whispers.

“We’re leaving tomorrow. Does it matter?”

“If they think we’re not really married, they can’t prove anything about our guy. Then we just look like we lied to get a nicer cottage.”

You nod and ask, “So what do we do to prove it?”

Your arms are around Dick, you’re as close as physically possible, so you’re not sure what else you can do to look like you’re in love. Especially considering you are in love with him.

���I’m sorry,” he whispers before raising his hand to the back of your neck and kissing you.

He picks you up, a strong arm under your hips as he carries you up the stairs. You grip his shirt at the collar, returning the kiss but refusing to deepen it. As Dick unlocks the door, you drop your head to his shoulder and glance at the dissipating crowd, only a few people left who don’t mind imposing on a private moment.

Once you’re inside and Dick sets you down, he steps back.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I know it was the one rule, but I didn’t know what else to do,” he rambles, carding his fingers through his hair. “Sorry.”

You hold a hand up to stop his pacing and shrug. “We had to. It’s fine.”

Dick nods, another whispered apology rolling off his tongue before he offers to let you use the bathroom first. When he steps back, that proximity you thought would break you is taken away, and you realize that is was holding you together all along.

✯✯✯✯✯

When you walk out of the bathroom, Dick is staring out the window. The dark beach holds his attention until he stands wordlessly. Then, when Dick returns from the shower, he doesn’t speak to you. Opening your mouth, you want to ask him something, say anything, but he sits at the far side of the king-sized bed and makes himself comfortable with his back to you.

The last few nights, you started on opposite sides of the bed but woke up with Dick’s arm over your waist and both of you in the middle. Those moments are being ripped away from you, though, and you’re not sure why. If it’s the kiss, you told him it was fine. Dick is usually the one ready and willing to talk about this kind of stuff, but he is shutting you out.

Hating the distance and craving his closeness, you whisper, “Are you mad at me?”

The answer is barely audible, a sigh of, “Of course not.”

You breathe a small sigh of relief, moving your hand to the middle of the bed like an olive branch. “Then what happened? I’m really not mad about the kiss, Dick.”

Dick rolls over, his eyes bright in the minimal light of the cottage as he takes your hand (again). “I don’t want this to end,” he confesses.

After contemplating what this could mean, you whisper, “It doesn’t have to.”

Dick sits up, pulling you in, slow and methodical as he kisses you this time. As he pulls you into his lap, you enjoy knowing that there’s no rush or fear or lies behind this, just you, Dick, and the love between you.

“Maybe we should get married,” he mumbles against your lips. “Bruce will pay for a few more days.”

You pull back with a breathless laugh. “And listen to your brothers after they find out you eloped? No thanks.”

“So, you won’t marry me?” Dick asks, looking up at you perched on his legs.

“I’ll marry you as many times as you want, Dick Grayson.”

“Different honeymoon suite each time?” Dick jokes.

You duck your head against his chest as he laughs, gladly letting him hold you close for one more quiet, slow night before you return to Gotham.

“We need to pack, our flight is at 10,” you remind him.

“Don’t forget the white one,” he says against your cheek, leaving kisses along your face.

You are returning to Gotham with something far better than a new bikini or souvenir: Dick Grayson’s love running through your veins and your heart safely in his hold.

✯✯✯✯✯

✯✯✯✯✯

Bonus:

"It worked, Alfred."

"Excellent news, Master Bruce. Perhaps you could be the next to go on a trip and come back with a woman in your life."

[wonderwoona]

2 hilarious dc moments that need to be discussed more

2. dc being relentlessly attacked by fox news because they changed superman’s ‘fight for the american way’ motto

• in a historical context, like, i can definitely see that he was made to embody that whole american dream thing. but NOW? idk it’s kind of tired

• what makes me laugh is that these people would probably hate superman in real life

• people like to say that clark kent and by extension his family, are republicans. how guys. HOW. BRO IS AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT.

• ma and pa kent literally were out here committing some kind of fucking immigration fraud, buying a birth certificate off the black market type of deal to explain the existence of their alien son. clearly willing to ride or die

• along with this, they managed to raise an angel of a human being, and never treated him as weird or ‘other’ despite the fact that he’s literally an alien who can fucking fly

• clark himself? well, clearly has extremely left wing views because a) is an immigrant b) grew up working class c) lives in an extremely urban area and d) is an english major. i truly doubt bro would be into fox news

1. dc confirming that canonically, batman does not perform oral sex

• now this… this is a case that doesn’t sit right with me.

• bruce wayne has a reputation for being a flirtatious womanising playboy. so what this means is that a) he’s been pretty bad at sex this whole time (hilarious) or b) he’s a pillow princess. dc both options seemingly cramp the image you’re trying to craft for him my guys

• yknow what’s even fucking funnier. oliver queen canonically does in the comics. take that bruce wayne

• “Kunnulingus and killing, the two things he won’t do.”

[rockyteriyaki]

Oh my god, what are your carcar superman thoughts, if you feel like sharing??

(re: my tags on this post)

KAYA omg thank you for giving me an excuse to write about this during my breaks today!! admittedly this is entirely born of me watching the entire canon of DC superman movies on cable tv while working from home, but it’s my fav plot bunny.

in broad strokes, i think it would go something like this: oscar is a reporter for the daily planet (additional visual reference here), and carlos is the guy who sits across from him and is always poking his voluminously-haired head over the partition to see what oscar is working on. and he never throws away his keurig cups, and his music always bleeds out through his wired earbuds, just enough to drive oscar insane, and he’s also superman.

but the problem is that nobody believes oscar when he tells them that. even when he comes to the office with some glossy, sharp(-ish. it’s hard to focus on a moving target) printed photos of superman’s hooked nose and hairy wrists, literally nobody sees the resemblance. the clark kent effect is just too strong. he starts talking about the similarities in the lower lash line and george (who is j jonah jameson in this universe, i just decided) looks at him like he’s suggested they acquire playboy and run full-frontals in the next print edition. carlos is also deeply surprised by this, but is just cocky enough about it that instead of commiserating, slapping palms and getting on with his life, oscar wants to force him to get changed into his stupid little super-suit in the bullpen in front of everyone, just so they can see what he sees.

so then it would be oscar getting roped into being carlos’ groupie (standing amidst the fangirls and adoring citypeople like this —> 😐) doing increasingly insane things to try to get some kind of concrete evidence that his coworker is actually an alien from a different planet who can fly and has laser eyes. at some point, though, it stops being about the daily planet, and starts being about the mountains of tapes, photos and recordings oscar has of carlos that he never shows to anyone, all the weird little rituals and secrets carlos lets him in on while he tries to pass as human, and post-supervillain-fight wound-stitching and extremely inappropriate uses of x-ray vision 🥰🥰🥰 mutual recklessness, miscommunication and blackmail!! it’s real in my mind!!!!

[fae-morrigan]

Okay, guys, I have to be so honest, the cyborg Jon stuff is not actually out of nowhere if you've been paying attention to the themes and ideas present in Jon's story. Actually, something to this affect has been hinted and foreshadowed all the way back in Supersons.

Jon's story, fundamentally, has always been about agency, and how being the son of a public figure like Superman hinders his ability to self-determinate. It is an idea that is present in every story, yes, every single one, starting from his debut as a character.

The cyborg stuff isn't meant to be a replacement of past traumas- it is an evolution, the thesis of what all the things he's been through have been leading up to. It is the ultimate culmination of everything Jon has been struggling with his whole life- being seen as nothing more but a tool that can be exploited.

Clark and Lois robbed Jon of knowledge about who he was for a large portion of his childhood (1). Manchester Black tried to use Jon as a weapon against his father, actively possessing him in order to do it, explicitly against Jon's wishes and opinions (2). Kid Amazo wanted to use Jon as a flesh puppet, a new healthy body that he could take over (3). Ultraman robbed years of his life and literally confined him in a place where he, literally and metaphorically, had no power. Jor El and Jon had a whole conversation about fate vs. free will in the age up arc (4). The entire central conflict of Son of Kal El was Jon fighting against a capitalist dictator who was trafficking marginalized people, altering and taking over their bodies for profit (5). Adventures of Superman Jon Kent has Jon going up against a version of his father thats a dictator, a man who has (in the words of the text) made the whole world a prison (6). In all of these situations, Jon's put in these positions specifically because he is the son of Superman, and he will forever be defined by it against his will. It is commentary on what it means to be the child of a hero, and it is an exploration of legacy that I think is very very interesting.

We've BEEN headed here! It was always going to come to some plotline of this nature. Sure, we couldn't know it'd be specifically this, him getting borged was specifically a surprise, but Mark Waid is an incredibly intelligent writer who knows what he is doing and does not just present events in a story, but ideas. The Speed Force is a love story. Absolute Power is about, well, power. And Jon Kent is fundamentally, at his core, about agency. The robot stuff isn't meant to be strictly literal!

Post Bibliography so you can check that I'm not bullshitting you. I didn't want to go look up panels because I'm laaazy, you can go see for yourself:

Superman: Lois & Clark by Dan Jurgens

Super-sons by Peter J Tomasi

Superman Rebirth by Peter J Tomasi

Superman 2018 by Brian Michael Bendis

Superman: Son of Kal El by Tom Taylor

Adventures of Superman: Jon Kent by Tom Taylor

[welp-here-goes-nothing]

Oh hey look. ANOTHER one

I would like to preface this by saying that I know literally nothing about Tim Drake. The extent of my knowledge of him is from the occasional batfam skit I would get on tiktok and the like seven pages of the Wayne family adventures webtoon I've read. Not kidding when I say I have his wiki fandom page open in another tab so then I know what the fuck happens and how the fuck he became robin in the first place as I write this. So this will probably be OOC for him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Bruce you need to stop, you put one of Riddler's men in the ICU." Carson scolded his husband.

"They deserved it." Bruce grunted.

"Did they? Bruce they were twenty, it may not have been the best but they had a life. Now they have six broken ribs, a shattered femur, blunt force trauma to the head, and a punctured lung. What happened to your no excessive brute force rule?" Carson replied.

"Oh you're one to talk. You did the exact same thing to the Joker when you found out he killed Jason." Bruce spat back.

"You're right I did, and maybe me telling you all of this is a little hypocritical. But at least I directed my anger towards the man who actually killed Jason and not any living creature that may remotely look a little villainous, or like they might be having a criminal thought." Carson rebutted.

"Oh well I'm sorry that I'm delivering justice and trying to avenge Jason. You aren't even acting like you care that he's dead!" Bruce snapped.

"Because Jason isn't the first person I've lost Bruce! I am over two hundred thousand years old, I have seen entire civilizations die, bustling planets that took to the stars become barren wastelands. I'm sorry that I'm not handling Jason's death the same way you are by going on a rampage and deciding to be judge, jury, and executioner for anybody who looks at me funny! But if you think for one minute that I don't miss Jason, that I don't wish I could bring him back, or go back to that night and save him. I can bring an entire universe to its knees with a snap of my fingers. Stars and suns can go out if I cough at them, solar systems will crumble if I look at them the wrong way. I have all of this power but I can't bring my own son back. Do you really think that doesn't eat away at me every day? Knowing I can do all these incredible things that people can only dream of and yet I couldn't be there to save him. Do you really think I don't miss Jason? Or that I don't blame myself for his death every single day? If you really believe that I don't care that Jason is dead then I don't want to talk to you. I don't even want to be here right now." Carson snapped.

The manor was silent as Carson made his way towards the front door, his hand was on the doorknob when he looked back at Bruce.

"I'll come back when my husband is back. Not some bloodthirsty vigilante who thinks I'm some heartless bitch and that I don't care about my son." Carson said before leaving.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been a few weeks since the fight between Carson and Bruce and true to his word Carson had yet to come back to the manor. Clark had visited Carson multiple times and tried to get him to come back but Carson was adamant on not returning until Bruce had apologized for what he said. Truth be told Bruce more than wanted to apologize for what he had said that day but he just didn't know how to. He had tried to send multiple texts conveying how he realized saying that Carson didn't care about Jason's death was wrong and he never should have said something like that but none of them sounded right. Hell he had even driven to Carson's house a couple of times but he was at a loss for words on what to say before he could knock on the door so he ended up leaving.

Carson was in his kitchen baking some cookies when there was a knock at his door. Stopping his mixer and pausing the music he was listening to he walked to his front door and opened it, surprised to see Alfred standing on his porch with a young boy behind him.

"Alfred, what a surprise! And who might this be?" Carson elated as he looked at the boy standing behind him.

"Tim Drake, I'm here to save Batman." The boy answered.

"Oh?" Carson said raising an eyebrow as he looked at Alfred.

"May we come in? I am afraid this is a matter that should be discussed discreetly." Alfred replied.

Carson nodded his head stepping aside to let the two in. Once inside he closed the door behind them and led them to the kitchen as the timer went off for the batch of cookies currently in his oven.

"Alright so what's going on." Carson inquired as he pulled the tray of cookies out.

"It appears Master Bruce, and Master Dick have been apprehended by two face." Alfred explained.

"Is Dick okay? Do you know?" Carson asked almost immediately.

"They are fine, for now. Though you know how Mr. Harvey can be." Alfred warned.

"So that's why we're gonna go rescue them! And we need your help." Tim chimed in.

"Why not call Clark? I'm sure it'd be a lot easier to get them back if you took Clark with you." Carson replied.

"It would raise many questions if superman was seen rescuing Batman and Nightwing. We need someone of your caliber." Alfred answered.

"I'm sorry but I can't." Carson said turning away from the two.

"Why not?! Isn't Batman your husband? And Nightwing he's your son right? That means you should definitely come with us to save them." Tim interjected, confused as to why Carson refused.

"Ha, you're a smart kid. Batman is my husband but we've hit a rough patch. I doubt he'll be happy to see me. And I know Nightwing, he can handle himself." Carson said.

"I am sure Master Bruce would be more than happy to see you Master Carson." Alfred replied in a hopeful tone.

"I doubt it. You know how we left things, but..... If things go south, more than they already have. Call me and I'll be backup." Carson said.

Alfred nodded knowing this was the best they were going to get from Carson as things were still rocky between him and Bruce. With a parting gift to Tim from Carson of one of Dick's old robin suits the two left, leaving Carson to his baking and his thoughts. He looked down at the golden band on his arm that pulsed with light momentarily and Carson thought about going with Alfred and Tim but decided against it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laughter filled the manor as everyone sat down at the dinner table to eat, a delicious looking feast prepared by Alfred filled the air with a mouth watering aroma. Smiles plastered everyone's faces as they idly chatted about their days.

"And the Riddler was all 'ahhh don't hurt me!' and I was all 'I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm putting you behind bars where you belong!' It was so funny seeing his face as he realized he got beat by a thirteen year old!" Tim exclaimed as he explained his patrol with Bruce in great detail.

"Well glad you had fun bud." Clark smiled as he dished himself some potatoes.

"You two seem to be quite the duo. Reminds me of somebody else I know when they first started out as Robin." Carson said in a teasing tone as he looked at Dick.

"Hey! I was not that excited about taking down criminals." Dick replied trying to defend himself.

"You were worse." Bruce chuckled causing the table to erupt in a small fit of laughter.

The rest of dinner continued like this filled with happy chatter and laughter bringing a bright air to the previously dark and solemn manor. After dinner Tim all but begged Dick to show him some acrobatic moves down in the cave, which the latter happily obliged to leaving Bruce, Clark, and Carson to their own devices upstairs.

"He seems to be adjusting really well. I'm glad he's doing so good here." Clark smiled.

"Me too. I was worried for a bit that his motivation would be fueled by revenge after what happened to his parents but he really seems like he just wants to make the world a better place." Bruce said.

"Speaking of. What is with us adopting kids who have dead parents. First Dick, and then Jason, and now Tim. Starting to think we have a penchant for adopting traumatized orphans." Carson said causing the other two men to laugh.

"Well someone has to. And who better than a traumatized orphan and two aliens." Bruce chuckled.

"He's got a point." Clark said.

"True. Well we should probably head down to the cave to make sure Dick isn't trying to twist Tim into a human pretzel." Carson said making his way to the hidden elevator.

[artbyblastweave]

Just finished watching the new Blorbo-generating Superman show everyone is talking about. Some preliminary notes:

This isn’t a knock on the show’s quality, but this rendition of Clark, Lois and Jimmy very much feel like they’re being written as close to children or teenagers as possible without actually retooling the show to be My Adventures With Superboy. I think we’re still living under the shadow of the hammer which fell upon Infinity Train for having “no child entry point.” This is in contrast S:TAS, which I described once as being a show about Adults With Jobs in a way very few contemporary shows are; they were in a cartoon but they themselves weren’t cartoons. 

Downstream of this, the dialogue/spoken humor, from the power trio in particular, constantly skirts the line between grating and endearing; it’s very much in what I think of as the She-Ra Register (indeed, the two shows share a producer) and the She-Ra-Register was hit or miss for me in the titular show.  (I like it a lot more here, though- In MAWS’s favor, the 23-year-old characters aren’t bouncing-off-the-walls whilst in a literal war zone.) This is less true of the villains, Livewire and Slade in particular- they don’t speak more realistically, necessarily, but they feel more grounded, like refugees from a grittier cartoon. I like this rendition of Livewire a lot. 

Unpacking Livewire a little more. Livewire’s implementation here is interesting. Livewire’s original character concept- a radio shock-jock who picked fights with Superman to drive ratings before getting powers and fighting him for real- was topical and novel upon its release, but I’ve never felt a great deal of attachment to it because it felt like the shock-jock component ran out of stuff to do in the story after her first appearance. Therefore I don’t mourn its absence here.  Livewire as originally envisioned is one of a handful of supervillains (along with Mysterio) whose schtick would actually be even more plausible in today’s society than at the time of their creation; the internet being what it is, she could plausibly remain a content creator of some stripe without getting deplatformed even after turning into a supervillain. But I like the Livewire we got- a woman who just wants to get paid but instead is going to have to live in a superhero setting for the rest of her life.

Deathstroke is interesting as well. Deathstroke’s personal timeline is something I don’t think about a ton due to the omnifluid chronological soup where every comic hero has been their current age forever, but in a timeline that’s being written from scratch to make sense, then yeah, he would have to be a young gun concurrently with the rise of the first wave of superheroes, in order to be a seasoned, renowned freelancer when the Titans are active as an independent team. His showing in the pilot strikes a great balance between Genuinely Cool (the fight sequences) Pointedly Unlikable (any time he opens his mouth) and Skeevy Sadist (the interrogation sequence with Livewire at the end of the pilot.) I really hope they don’t try to do an anti-hero thing with him.

One thing I appreciated about S:TAS is that it took its sweet time getting Clark into costume; the entire first episode was just about the fall of Krypton, it was the Jor-El Show, and in my opinion this did a ton of legwork towards grounding the destruction of Krypton as a meaningful tragedy. MAWS’s pacing felt a little pinched in comparison, particularly because it’s basically a loose remake of the SATS pilot that’s 22 minutes shorter. But one thing I think it knocked out of the park was the scene where Clark investigates his spaceship. in SATS it was basically one additional point on his upward trajectory towards superheroism; it gives him some needed context and he gets over the shock very quickly in no small part because Jor-El’s message is legible. By contrast, the scene in MAWS where young Clark discovers the ship is much more of a character beat. You find this gigantic alien construct lurking just below the surface of your beloved childhood home. Interfacing with it produces an image of a strangely dressed man speaking in an unintelligible language, and then the ground nearly swallows your adopted parents (it’s not NOT a metaphor!) No shit he didn’t want to revisit this until he was an adult and his hand was forced! And, to loop this back around to the start of the paragraph, I’m really, really on board with an inscrutable Jor-El and a deeply visually alien Krypton instead of having all of episode one be The Jor-El show. Not totally sure I want this to turn out to be a Light Hope/Viltrum take on Krypton That Was, but there’s some compelling ambiguity here! I’m very tempted to read something into the fact that he’s missing an eye, and that Krypton seems to have been destroyed by some sort of weapon being deployed against the sun.

Also it’s interesting that they seem to be going with Kryptonian Tech Diaspora as a Unified Origin For Superhuman Weirdness, if Livewire’s Kryptonian-powered harness is anything to go by. I’m a sucker for assembling disparate elements of comic-book mythology into a unified whole! And I’m intrigued by the implications that there’s been some form of R-and-D on recovered Kryptonian materials- Superman coming in at the tail of Krypton’s impact on the planet. I wonder if they’re going to do a Transformers: The Animated Series move, where the generally higher level of tech at play in Metropolis is downstream of salvaged Krypto-tech.

To circle back to the power trio- one thing about Lois that I’m realizing is that the secret sauce is that every version of her has to be, on some level, in some way, a little bit of a jerk. In versions where she’s an accomplished reporter (S:TAS and even the original comics) that translates as her being dismissive (sometimes justifiably so) or really competitive.  MAWS Lois is an interesting spin on this- arguably she’s using people to get what she wants, but it’s not calculated, there’s no component of needing to defend her position against a challenger- it’s just rooted in the myopia of thinking her plan is the best plan and wanting her new friends along for the ride/to share in the spoils, before running headlong into the reality of Clark’s anger at being deceived. It’s a self-centeredness that’s much more conducive to a considered character arc- as much as I liked S:ATS, it wasn’t really a character-arcy kind of show for the supporting cast. It was a show about Superman. Much more of a triumvirate effect going on with Clark, Lois, and Jimmy, by contrast.

On this note- also interesting is the distinction between the origin of the name “Superman” in S:TAS and MAWS. Lois comes up with it in both versions, but in S:TAS she’s being cynical about it- she namedrops Nietzsche, and she has to be brought around. In MAWS she’s much more openly enthusiastic about it, but she’s also at a point in her career where she has much more to gain by hitching her wagon to the Superman narrative. Interesting distinction.

Jimmy is compelling! I’m curious what they’re going to do with him- they’ve gone a step beyond “cub reporter” to “cub reporter who’s also a conspiracy buff.” Moreover he’s a conspiracy buff in a setting where that’s a completely appropriate way to engage with the world, which can be a hard needle to thread. It’ll be interesting to see how much of a punching bag they make that element of his character. He’s also got a very good claim to the title of “Superman’s Pal-” they start the series knowing each other before the costume is a twinkle in Clark’s eye. That’s a compelling angle to work, one I like more than him being noticeably younger/less experienced than Clark and Lois.

I actually forgot about the Newsboy legion! Just like in general. Deep cut. They’re cute.

[mrhowells]

Smallville 5x06

"How you ever had a crush on Richie Cunningham, I will never understand."

I'm actually so easy to please

"And Lois... *laughs* I'd do anything to get rid of Lois."

but thinking about how annoying she is makes him laugh, soooooo... she's a good influence, I rest my case😌😌

Jonathan knows too, like-

Chloe & Lois as an investigative duo are actually really fun

Lex really lives in Jonathan's head rent free💀💀

ohmygoooooddd

MOTHER.

"She's here to dance."

Chloe really threw Lois under the bus like that I'm cryingsjakjsha

the struggle is real💀

SOOOOO let's see if Jonathan actually apologizes when it turns out Lex didn't do anything

CLARKFNKLJFDISLYS

COVER YOUR EYES SWEET SUMMER CHILD

Lois x bisexual lighting I LIVEEEE

they did that for me😭😌

"I'll have a coke😇" ... "S- straight up, on the rocks.😤"

JAkhsshfdlskaBOOBOO WHAT ARE YOU-

I just choked on my ice cream

LMAOOOOOO bless his heart

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL PART 2 I'M CRYINDHSGFJFKD

I'm really not ready for what's about to go down here😭😭

🎶DON'T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKEEE MEEEEEEE🎶

Someone needs to go to jail for that music choice💀💀

TOM WELLING YOUR FACE JOURNEYS. LET ME SAY THANK YOU KING🙇‍♀️

this is history in the making. absolutely iconic.

🎶DON'T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS WRONG LIKE MEEEEEE🎶🎶

i do wish she was my girlfriend actually they're so right

aaand she's getting into it

ON MY FUCKING KNEES FOR HER MA'AM YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE PLEASEEEE

he's kind of giving me:

PLEASEWSWKRJWOPQP

EVERY SINGLE FRAME OF THIS IS SO FUCKING ICONIC LIKE WHAT DO I EVEN SAY??

it's okay bb, we're all looking respectfully right now

💀💀💀THE STRUGGLE IS REAL PT.3

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THIS BEAN

kshadjwka his fight or flight is kicking in😭😭

"What are you doing here?" "What are YOU doing here?"

story of their life fr

the struggle has never been more real, pray for Clark💀

.

they did that.

smallville writers really did that.

legend behaviour if you ask me

i would like to take this moment and say thank you.

"I've never been in a position where people look up to me."

This is such a silly statement, Jonathan is literally the person Clark looks up to the most. His bigger personality flaws clearly come from Jonathan's influence💀 (not to say he didn't also learn a lot of good traits from him -he absolutely did- but you know)

I'm really curious what Lex's (and Jonathan's) politics are actually, don't be shy writers tell me👀

SIR I NEED YOU TO STEP AWAY FROM MY WIFE IMMEDIATELY

creepy mf

"Hey 007. Nice of you to show up." "I'll start assuming that means thank you?"

giggling kicking my feet

"I can't touch him." "Well, I can."

I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN, MOTHERRRR

pls his face😭

he knows he could never be as cool as her

THIS SHOT MAKES ME FERAL

my parents🥹

(listen the shit i went through to upload this last picture tho, i hit the upload limit and had to delete stuff, then i accidentally deleted the whole post for a second🤡 my whole life flashed before my eyes💀💀)

Lex talking about a guy falling in love with his best friend's wife uh oh, no thank youuuuu😬😬

He was making a good point though.

"The thing I always try to remember is, no matter how much le lays on, he never expects more than he expects from himself."

Clark really grew up didn't he😭😭

"What are you doing, you just moved back in."

from the guy who said "I'd do anything to get of Lois." at the beginning of the episode, what in the clownery🤡🤡

All men do is lie.

she's such a menace, I LOVE HER😭😭

AND HE CAN'T STAY MAD AT HER LOOK AT HIS FACEEEEE

they're secret bffs your honor😭

I LOVE THEMMM IT'S ACTUALLY SO SERIOUS

"And you didn't have to come after me but you always do. So I wanted to say thank you. You're a really good friend."

GOING INSANE ON THIS SATURDAY NIGHT

CUT IT OUT YOU ASSHOLES I'M TRYING TO STAY NORMAL UNTIL SEASON 8 QUIT EYE FUCKINGZFGDUWEOAK

well. stay normal challenge failed again but that's exactly how i thought this would go, sooo

Question for the people: should i even tag Lex in posts like this? I don't think twice about tagging characters like Jonathan because I don't expect fans to look through his tag for him specifically, but i know people do it with Lex and I feel bad at the thought of them having to scroll through me losing my mind over Clois with a few Lex mentions in between. Lex fans lemme know

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Mashle S1

"I'm a chic and elegant 75-year-old." Senior Citizen Vibes Goals

Also why's Regro's kid so young, is this a wizard life span thing? Or is this a 'I found you in the woods' kind of thing?

"I couldn't remember if I had to push or pull." "How many years have you lived here?" Hey now, we all forgor sometimes, Regro

"You can't use magic at all, because for some reason you're different. The least I can do is..." Thank you, Exposition Elder

"You're such a good, amenable son." So, I started with dub before I decided I liked Mash's sub voice better, but in English, Regro says, "good, smart son," which is a wild thing to say to someone who just tried to put a door back on sideways

Wonder if the mark on Mash from the intro is makeup. Why not have him do it before going out?? It'd save some trouble

Not a fan of the violent interlude. Bold choice so early

"Ya aimin' for an indirect kiss or something? Ya love me? Are ya pickin' a fight?" Again, I direct you to the English: "What, you want to make out with me? Or are you trying to pick a fight?" which is a much funnier translation. I love localization

Well, say what you will about how little Regro has prepared Mash for society, at least he believes in hands-on parenting:

What I've learned in the past 10 minutes of watching this show is an essential part of the Clark Kent/Teen Hercules formula is that they need to feel friendly and well-meaning. Mash does not have the same, "Oops!! I sincerely want to help," energy. However, I do enjoy that everyone he runs into is absolutely petrified by his vibes

"I can't stay mad at him." Regro said: I'm no disciplinarian

"It's because we aggresively rid ourselves of inferior blood unable to use magic." Why is it always eugen!cs. I am so tired!!!!

I was correct, it WAS an 'I found you in the woods' situation

"Even though we weren't related by blood, even if the entire world denied his existence, I would always be a father to that boy!" At least someone in this society isn't icky

"Can magic be pff'd (away) just like that!" Mash said: RIP to the other guys, I'm literally built different

SCREAM not Mash bumping the Nalcom Pass Magic like a volleyball

"Enroll in magic school and be chosen as [Divine Visionary]. Simply put, if you're selected, that means God accepts you. Which means, society will accept you." We have arrived at the plot. Also, why should anyone believe you, Bradley Coleman, Discrimination Detective and Torture Afficionado

"I want us to be able to live in peace again." [Sobbing] "You're such a good boy. My son." I really do enjoy how much Regro loves his kid. Every couple minutes he's like I Have The World's Best Child

"I made his scar indistinguisable from a real one." Bradley's immediate transition from Evil Guy Who Beats Up Dad to Makeup Artist Acting as Foliage During Exam Prep is incredible. Tell me more

"Claude Lucci!" "This year's seventh best up-and-coming mage!" What, the other six were busy?

"Kindly... stop moving." Not Mash disenchanting his exam paper by asking it nicely

"There's a certain reason I have to keep you away from the goal." Lemon Irvine coming in hot with her not-so-hidden agenda

If the sphinx is the only way we get brown skin in this show, I think that's a hate crime

(That's not what a hate crime is, Michael. Well, I hated it!)

Honestly I'm shocked it took Mash that long to start busting through the maze walls, I thought that'd be his first move

"Professor Lucci asked me to. He told me he would pass me if I got in [Mash's] way. My family is poor, and I desparately wanted to be accepted for their sake." They do love expositional dialogue

I figured Lemon might be a love interest, but wild that she went from sabotage to marriage proposal without a breath

Breaking Lucci's wand is certainly one way to stop him

"Headmaster Wahlberg!" HEADMASTER WHO????

"You never considered that the sphinx might be stronger, or that you may not be able to break the walls." "Well, even if I considered, it still had to be done." Mash is growing on me

"I'm immensely more powerful than you." I give it 3 seconds before Mash decides to cut out the middleman of attacking the magic and instead punch Headmaster Wahlberg directly

Oh, colour me incorrect, he caught it by letting the magic knife go through his hands instead of his dad's doll:

"That is the reason I put emphasis on protecting the weak and regulating the strong. Noblesse Oblige. One's capacity as a powerful being. According to my observations, you are a human being that possesses that capacity." I like this philosophy, Headmaster Wahlberg

This is very Naruto bell-test/chunin exam where the test is more if you are willing to set your own goals and needs aside to prioritize your comrades who may be struggling. It's a good test of character!

HAHAHA Mash clarifying that he would also beat the headmaster up if needed

"God is dead." Mash is me every time I do bad on an exam

"I'm Finn Ames. I'll be rooming with you." I'm guessing this is Divine Visionary Rayne Ames' brother, and Finn seems like social anxiety incarnate

"The dorm pairs up transfers and continuing students together as roommates." That makes sense, in my mind it was just normal that people start Magic High School at 16, but I guess it's helpful to have Magic Elementary/Junior High School

"Finn made sure to not say, 'Let's do our best together.'" Finn said: And they were roommates (not friends)

Based on him having them constantly in the intro, I wonder how many people will think Mash's magical power is generating cream puffs

Why would Mash agree to a broom race knowing that he doesn't have the magic to fly lmao? Is he just going to jump very high?

Update from 1 minute later: He threw the broom and then jumped on it mid-air. Close enough!

"Would you like to be friends with me?" I guess Lloyd Cavill is their in-universe Draco Malfoy

"Because he's the son of a high-ranking member of the Bureau of Magic." Myfatherwillhearaboutthis.jpg

LMAO amazing that Lloyd is trying to bully him but Mash is unbulliable because he's strong enough for every task and too stupid to be emotionally harmed

"But I really am glad. To have a great guy like you for a friend." Mash said: We're friends whether you like it or not, Finn 💝

"I'm getting tired of textbooks. Next, I want you to burn his clothes. Got that, Finn?" Oh no, Lloyd's using Finn for his bullying. That WILL, unfortunately, work

"You called me your friend, but... Still, I did horrible things to you. So I just... I needed to apologize to you. I'm so very sorry." Oh, Finn

"You two and [Lloyd] are of different status. Different social status means different treatment." They really don't bother to hide their prejudice in this world. Vice Principal Farman said: You get expelled because you're poor. Next question

PLEASE I thought Mash might attack the Principal but then I thought, 'No, that'd be too stupid.' Imagine my surprise when I unpaused:

"He didn't seem that open to reason, so I couldn't help it. But really, after one, what's one more?" "That's serial killer logic!" LMAO, WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT

"You can expel me at any time. I can bury you at any time." Now THAT'S serial killer logic

"The Bureau of Magic is this country's highest legal authority." I will not lie to you, every time this comes up, I think of Fairy Tail and how they made Jellal one of the Ten Wizard Saints. It's not a foolproof system LOL

"The Divine Visionaries who lead the Bureau of Magic have a role. That role is to carefully consider what other people desire. That is why I sincerely hope that someday, someone like you will become a Divine Visionary." 1) Maybe make Mash pass an IQ test first, he doesn't know how to open a door 2) Insane thing to say about someone who just beat up and buried a faculty member

"I will handle the Vice Principal and the Bureau of Magic." Headmaster Wahlberg said: I do pick favourites, and I pick you, Mash

"There is one more problem that you will eventually have to face. I but I have faith in you, that you will overcome it." Does this imply the Headmaster knows Mash is magicless?

"Mash was chosen as a player for Duelo, an aerial magic sport using brooms." A classic part of the Wizard Boy's journey

But really: It's a wonder that Warner Brothers hasn't come after this show for IP theft, considering the design of Headmaster Wahlberg, the school, the Duelo Sports Designs. They've even got them wearing the same house colours, for some reason. Whatever the case may be, I don't think Joke Revolting needs any more money, so, that's fine I guess?

PLEASE why did Tom wait until the game started to explain the rules of Duelo to Mash

I was wondering how they were going to solve the no flying issue long enough for Mash to play a sport, and the answer is: Mash jumped and then kicked his legs very, very fast like the world's most peculiar bird. God bless

"Totes sorry for throwing garbage at you." LOL realistic crowd commentary

"He has two marks. I've never seen him before." Does number of marks correlate with magical abilities?

Nobody at this school has a problem with Lance Crown kidnapping three students and trapping them in a bottle right in a classroom with witnesses? Is his daddy also rich LMAO

"If you want it back, come to the forest next to the owl hut." Maybe it's the intro, but I'm convinced that this deranged interaction will end up with Lance and Mash being friends

"And the lines on your mark reveal the amount reveal the amount of magic power you currently have." Thanks for confirming, Tom

"Double line magic users. They exist in this realm at a rate of one in 100,000. They're considered chosen by magic itself." Makes you wonder what's the max amount of lines someone can get on their face

"Don't do it, Mash! He's dangerous!" [Finn yelling, simultaneously] "It's over. My life is going to end!" Tom and Lemon legitimately warning Mash away while Finn just screams in the background that he's going to die. Poor baby

"I wonder if Mash is okay." "I'm worried." [Regro looks up, shocked] "What?" [Bradley, defensively] "No, I'm talking about my profits." Bradley Coleman for that One Bigoted Uncle You Still Have to Maintain A Relationship With

Also also also. Why is Brad still wearing the leotard. Why isn't he working his day job? Several days have passed. Has he quit being a Magical Bigot Cop to hang out in the forest with Regro all day?

"I have to call the police. He's a criminal." LMAO why is Mash's first assumption upon seeing a young girl in Lance's locket that he must be a freak?? Mash said: I can excuse kidnapping, but I draw the line at being a child predator

"I don't have a Lolita complex. I have a sister complex." "And that makes it better?" I gave Lance too much credit. Call the police!

Also, this is NOT a good enough show for me to put up with this weirdness. Meet me in the back alley, behnchod

"Apparently, it's an incurable disease that will strip her of her mark and magical power. The doctor says she has five years at best." I don't know if I like the positioning of magiclessness as a disease, but I guess interesting that being born with magic isn't a guarantee that you'll continue to have it?

"The Bureau of Magic made this rotten system. I'll become a Divine Visionary and make sure to save you!" You see, Lance's disowning his parents and rebelling against the system that makes his sister Anna's magic loss dangerous is a compelling enough story. There was no need for the other stuff. Share those feelings only with a psychiatrist

"Unbelievable. Is he using physical enhancement magic?" This Lance vs. Mash altercation is good for establishing the different kinds of magic. Lance's gravity. That people DO have body magic, even if Mash's is not magic, just Insane Strength

"You don't seem like a bad guy. We shouldn't be fighting." Mash chooses his character judgment purely on Lance NOT dropping his friends off a cliff, and not the whole kidnapping thing

Lance said: I may have overreacted, you are entitled to compensation. He went to the My Dad School of Hey, My Bad, Here's Some Money

"There are three dorms in Easton Magic Academy. Students with corresponding characteristics are assigned to each dorm. Adler. Courage and conviction. Orca. Wisdom and willingness. Lang. Ability and ambition." Ah yes, the famed One Trait to Rule Them All test. They said: We don't need a Hufflepuff

"I did it! I did it, Lance." "Even slackers like you should be able to do this much." [Finn, mentally] "Maybe Lance is really good at taking care of others." The way Lance showed up to Finn and Mash's dorm just to gently bully them into letting him be their Potions tutor. He'd be a great character if not for The Troubles

We interrupt this program to say: Their Potions aprons are SOOO cute. Also I love that they did a silly transition screen with them

"You're completely useless when not fighting, huh?" "Well, yeah." Mash knows his flaws

"Side characters have no right to give me orders, you moron!" Rude Redhead provides meta commentary as his first line

I do think it's funny how Mash and Finn have immediately accepted Lance into their friend group. He didn't apologize. He just started showing up and helping them, and they were like 'yeah, we're accepting strays'

"I, Dot Barrett, is the main character of this world." Do you think the grammar is intentionally off in this sentence LOL?

"I'm going to join the Bureau of Magic and rid this world of hot guys!" 1) Crazy plan, please elaborate. 2) Indirectly, Dot's saying he thinks is Mash is hot

"Hey, Mash. Ignore him. He's one year older than us. And he's infamous for misconduct." Lance said: You can only accept challenges from me, your self-assigned rival, who plays fair, by trapping your friends in a bottle to lure you to the woods

Dot's voice sounded familiar and apparently he is Kaji from Given AND Loid from Spy x Family. He said: I have range. I can play Bisexual Drummer, Anxious Spy Father, AND Annoying

"What's with him? Freaky." "Huh? What'd you just say?" "I was just marvelling at how manly and wonderful you are." I expect the girl showing interest in Dot has been paid for this somehow

"With my magic, I can make anyone even slightly attracted to me fall in love." To be fair, I think Dot just acts that way normally

"I don't want to be involved in anything that's bad." Personally, I think Silva and the girl (whose hair also happens to be silver) are in cahoots

Explosion does seem to be an effective combat form for Dot

Again, I cannot emphasize strongly enough how funny it is that Lance is now Lemon and Finn's comfort person. HE KIDNAPPED AND IMPRISONED YOU ONE EPISODE AGO

"Endure five hits from my magic, and I'll leave that girl alone." Well, if Mash is involved, I bet he can take a punch

I guess Mash did not feel inclined to help Dot LOL

"I know you're under my charm spell, but I didn't think you'd be this desperate." Called it, she's working with Silva

Well, I guess throwing a cream puff in Silva's mouth is one way to shut him up

Also why is there no professor monitoring the clear fight between students during class hours? This school has NO safeguards

"There are different types of magic users. White Mages excel at scholarship and support magic. Red Mages excel at combat. Mash has been facing White Mages so far." [Schmidt from New Girl voice] A White Mage? NO! Typical!

"Triceps Magic: Ballista Knuckle." I wonder how long Mash can give the appearance of magic by just saying Magic before he beats people up

"That makes two." "Huh?" "You're going to endure ten hits, right? Show me how much better you are. You have eight more to go." Alright Mash, I have to admit, that was pretty metal (no pun intended)

"I treat everyone equally," said Mash, as he pile drives his girl opponent into the ground

"Sorry for getting you caught up in all that. Thanks, man." "That's not like you." Mash said: You do not give the vibes of someone capable of an apology, Dot

"The great war for the coins against Lang's elite, the Magia Lupus." LUPUS??? LIKE THE DISEASE? WHAT?

"Touch the unicorn's horn, and through your magic power, it will read your thoughts and ideas to select a dorm that suits you." Not the Sorting Skeleton LMAO

PLEASE I thought the problem was going to be Mash's lack of magic not allowing the Skeleton to read him. Instead, it is Mash only having thoughts of cream puffs so the Sorting Skeleton just has to make up what his vibes could be. Mash is literally, no thoughts, head empty, incarnate

"Perfect education. Overwhelming talent. Noble bloodline. We're collecting coins to create a world free of impurities." I am so tired. Is there any shonen anime that isn't about eugen!cs???? Give me a break!! I have so much to say, and it all amounts to 🖕🖕🖕

Are all those puppets former students??? Does Lang only have like 7 students in it now? Were the parents of these children notified?? This school is terrible

To Regro's credit as a parent, he did try to talk Mash out of wizard school

Bizarre to have a recap episode six episodes into the series LOL

It is interesting to confirm that Mash was keeping Regro in the loop about his school fights but how is it that the school didn't notify Regro that Mash fought an adult man, The Vice Principal, no less

"Do you know why humanity has flourished? Because we tireless pillage, use and devour those weaker than us." That's why capitalism has flourished. Lifespans are GREATLY increased in countries not committing [LOUD FOGHORN NOISE]

I guess Silva proves the puppet transformation isn't permanent

It looks like Serial Pupetter Slyther-Lang has three magic marks?

"I'm going to take him to the nurse's office." "You're giving up your coin?" "No, but I'm prioritizing." "Besides, it doesn't matter how strong you are, I'm not gonna lose." Mash is a sweet boy, after a fashion

I know the fact that Serial Puppetter was tricked by Mash's slight of hand is supposed to be interesting, but it seems so silly that they explained it Humpty Dumpty-montage style with Mash huffing and puffing the coin like the Big Bad Wolf?

"When of us is in trouble, we're all in trouble, huh? Damn that punk." Mash's rescue of Silva has prompted a crisis of conscience

"What do you think you're doing here? And did you change your hairstyle?" Lance said: There's only room for one unhinged friend in Mash and Finn's dorm, and that position is occupied by me

"His face clearly scores above 70th percentile. And being so tall... his difficulty playing the game of life is... Easy Mode." Dot, evaluating all the men you meet by how hot they are is kinda gay, just so you know

"I hate good-lookin' guys to death." Dot has a crush and doesn't know how to deal with it so he's writing Lance a letter that says 'get out of my school'

"What? Always have a gift when you drop by someone else's place. That's common sense." [Finn, internally] "Despite talking and acting like a ruffian, Dot may have a good upbringing? And it's herb tea to boot." I do like this characterization for Dot

"Adler upperclassmen who could stop them are all away for off-campus internships." Aren't they always LOL?

It's v fair that Mash got detention for kicking a staff member

Whoever designed the owls was so on the ball, they're adorable

[Lance, seriously] "Lang guys might come into contact with you, targeting your coin. And I will hut them down." [Mash with a shojo background] "You're worried about me?" Maybe Lance also a crush (on Mash)

"*Help me. I've never swum before in my life." LOL @ the captioned gurgling

OH, LANCE NOT WANTING TO HURT THE OWLS. I want to like him so bad. I wish you weren't a freak 💔

There's more blood in this fight than I thought there would be

"He wasn't attacking me the whole time because he was worried about the owls." Wahhhhhhhhh Lance 😭

"I'll get serious about this," said the Shark with a wand in his fin, fighting a human torpedo who couldn't swim two minutes ago

"I apologize for seeming menacing." The masked Lang member is the only interesting one so far LOL

"Such speed, and with no magic... Then he is the same type as me." See, interesting!

Why does Lance have Mash's dorm robe? He's so involved in Mash

Are Tom and the other students in the hospital wing people who were turned into puppets? Or has another magic stricken them?

"I feel bad for them. Let's take them with us." Please. Why are Lance and Mash the pillars of this friendship group

Perhaps it's because they are the ones bonded by protecting their family and generally being able to deal with a crisis:

"Don't do anything too risky, all right?" [Mash presses Lemon's stuffed toy cream puff to his chest] "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to keep that promise." Maybe Lemon's feelings are reciprocated!

"An arena?" "What is this?" "Are you a little slow?" Yes he is, Dot

"I'm here at Third Fang's request." Is Third Fang the name of a student or another school clique like Magia Lupus?

Dot's reason for fighting this guy being him being hot. He may be the gayest person at this school

Even the background artist knows it. The rainbows are a metaphor:

"Six of death row's most notorious inmates have escaped from Hecatrice." Maybe that's where the other six up-and-coming mages were

"You guys beat Silva the second-year, didn't you?" "Actually, he maybe kind beat the crap outta me." Dot said: Mama didn't raise no liar

"I never said anything about making you step on the marks." [Explodes his opponent's wand on a time bomb] Dot is smarter than he looks

"This punk. Striking an attractive pose, even in defeat... He sure is unwavering. I don't exactly hate that." Dot said: Baddie down 😔💘

I need to describe to you exactly what just happened. Honestly, it makes the most compelling case for their friendship thus far:

[Everyone being sucked into the ground by quicksand pits]: Mash, deadpan, holding a cream puff above his head: Please, save my baby. At least spare this one. Lance, shockingly calm for someone being sucked into quicksand: I assume this means our enemies have no intention of letting us g.... Finn, crying, wrapping his whole body around Dot: I'm sinking! I'm going to sink! Dot [internal monologue]: I think these guys are... even more insane than I am?

"I am the Third Fang of Magia Lupus, Wirth Madl." What a sentence. Also I guess it was neither student nor clique name, it was a position

The individual battle thing is fun, but these names are all crazy. Every name on this show is so silly. Milo Genius, Love Cute, Abyss Razor, it's like a random word generator

"You're unable to use magic, aren't you?" "Th-Th-That's not necessarily t-t-true." LOL Mash never expected anyone to call him on it

"The Crown family is renowned for their gravity magic. You come from a good bloodline. Your talent is wasted." Wirth said: Have you considered ✨being a bigot✨?

Wirth does look a little like a Gojogeto baby. Like Dad #1, he has lil round sunglasses and a spiky hairstyle, and like Dad #2, he has dark hair and a belief in geno—[GUNSHOT NOISE]

"You said people become stronger with a better environment. Based on on your logic, it appears my environment is the superior one." Lance said: I do have house spirit actually

"This is concentrated magical essence, extracted from other students." Gross. Student juice

"So the only one allowed to insult them as flunkies is me." Lance said: Quit dissing my friends

WHAT KIND OF AN ATTACK NAME IS TORTURE POLE, LANCE?

Apparently it is an attack name where the subject is quartered by opposing graviational pulls. Fitting I guess. Lucky he's using it on a mud monster and not a person!

"Do you understand? You are still worthless to me." Bad choice of name for your baby then, Wirth's Dad

"I don't like the way you talk or act. But I respect all the effort you've put in." I think Lance just talk-no-jutsu'd Wirth

Abyss is the first person to be able to get real damage on Mash. They seem to be doing magic, so is it that they have magic tools, or that they meant by being despised by the world that they just look very strange? They do have funky eyes

"How revolting. Your situation is similar to mine, but those ideas... You must've blessed by whoever was around you." Abyss said: I'm gonna make my bad childhood YOUR problem, Mash

"This device drains magic power." That answers an earlier question of what was happening to the students

Mash using being impaled to get a hit in is unexpectedly clever

"The Eye of the Devil temporarily disables the magic of all who fall under its gaze. Magic is everything in this world. Thus, I am a pariah. A target of scorn." Everyone states their motivations outright in this show

"I feel kinda bad now. You can't use that eye on me at all." LMAO @ MASH APOLOGIZING FOR BEING HARD TO ATTACK

[Abyss as Michael Realman voice]: Birth is a curse, and existence, a prison

Mash splitting the floor to force Abyss into a single path. What Mash lacks in thinking, he makes up for in instinct

"My Secondth spell was shattered by ridiculous violence?" Sounds about right

Mash shouting which muscle he's using to attack before doing it seems like adding insult to injury LOL

"I was an affront to God's gift of magic." Everyone seems real religious in magical society

"Lord Abel needed me. Even if it was simply to be a useful tool." Abyss fulfills the Haku archetype (a power feared by people, attempted murder by parents, taken in by someone who needs them, even the ambiguous gender vibes), so I am more sympathetic to their plight

"You're probably right about me being blessed. I can't even begin to put myself in your place. But we could become friends, then..." That's a very sweet way for Mash to end this fight

Abyss can't even trust Mash not to hate him for his eye eventually

"Oh, and I won't change my mind. No matter how much the world loathes your eye. No matter what others say about you because of it. My attitude towards you won't change. That's how Pops raised me. Me, who can't use magic." Mash said: Maybe the real magic is the power of good parenting

Oh!!!! Is Finn's brother (I assume) from the intro finally showing up??

"Hey. Do you like me, or don't ya?" "It's just, I barely know you, so. Right, Finn?" We have finally found someone Dot doesn't find hot

Awwww, Dot stepping in front of Finn to brace for the attack

"Daddy said I can kill any guy who doesn't cherish me." Honestly, a slay for Love's dad!

It is not enough to have the battle, they must also have a 30 minute time limit before Mash gets to face Middle School Medusa

"You seriously give up too easily. But that's gonna be a problem once you get a real friend." "A real friend?" "That's right. Someone who'll honestly get sad or angry on your behalf." I like Dot's sister

(Also, this proves the point they CAN write a normal sibling relationship and simply chose not to. Eep.)

Did Dot just gain another magical mark from the power of friendship?!?!

"Children born with the Warding Cross on their foreheads... Battle demons who unleash their magic power when their emotions cross a certain threshold." WAIT, THE BANDANA WAS A PLOT POINT?

[Stomping on Milo's spine repeatedly] "The most important thing in this world is actions. Not words." Big Brother Rayne is here, but he's more spooky than I expected

Also wild that you can be a Divine Visionary while also being a student. They're letting teens run the government?

Also also. How does no one know that Finn and Rayne are siblings. They all know Lance. Somehow how they don't know that this guy with the exact same half-blond, half-black hair, same gold eyes, and same last name is related?

I'm shocked that we still haven't seen Finn's magic style

"Allow me to apologize for my rudeness," said Rayne, after pelting Mash with a series of magical swords three times without even asking his name

"But without any magic, you're going to have a tough time." [Mash, lying defensively] "But I can use magic." He keeps getting called on it LOL

"Our world has no shortage of problems. For allies, I want people who are strong on their own." Rayne said: We're friends now whether you like it or not. He's uno reversed what Mash did to his brother

"He's probably a good guy." LOL that's about the level of confidence I have in Rayne too, Mash

Mash going from destroying doors because he's confused to doing it because he's angry on Lemon's behalf is character development

"You can't possibly be a better magic user than Rayne, a Divine Visionary." Oh, he isn't!

"They're on the receiving end, yet they take advantage of our kindness. And they selfishly assert their rights. Audacious, is it not?" This is what it feels like talking to Conservatives LOL

"What? A double back somersault at this age?" PLEASE, excessively advanced toddlers is my favourite trope:

"Your way is kinda a problem for me. So I don't think we can be friends." Mash is so polite about it

Using magic to make someone fight themselves is a very evil combat form

"If you break the rules, I will break your friend apart." I said that, and Abel found an immediately more evil way to fight, by using Finn as a puppet and threatening to disassemble him if Mash fights back

"What I am doesn't matter. I need to have you regret lashing out at my friends." Mashhhhhhhhh

"It's true my magic only transforms the exterior which I then puppet, but internally, they remain human." Everything we learn about Abel's magic is deeply horrifying

GKHJDJHKD??? Mash was saved from being a puppet because his spinal reflexes activated when Abel reached for his cream puff??? What kind of fight mechanics

"My mother said it was only by chance that we were born privileged." Abel proving that good parenting isn't enough to turn out well

Abel believing in [LOUD FOGHORN NOISE] because a poor person stabbed his mother is giving that one Liam Neeson racism story (look it up, it's terrible)

KHGGHKGHGKH Abel just casually agreeing to release the students from his magical torture device. Mash does love a civil battle ending

"But since this all for your mom, I guess you're not that terrible a person. I'm slightly relieved by that." I'm still Team Cool Motive, Still Murder

"They're all such fools, aren't they, Mother?" I think Abel has to like them a little by now

HKDHKDHJKD they're not going to explain why Dot's face is inside out???

"Guilty until proven innocent is more expedient." I don't know if I like your political philosophy, Rayne

"I even chose the face of a student here, too." THANK GOD Lance is a real boy he is one of the characters I half-like LOL, it'd be a real bummer in this like medium-at-best show

"I'll be your opponent. The serial killer and cannibalist, Jon Pierre." Now, why on earth?

"They won't stand a chance against him." Rayne does care!

Brad is back in his cop uniform, so I guess he hasn't quit his day job yet

"You don't need to work?" "Time on screen is better than work." "Time on screen is important." LOL Brad and Regro's fourth wall break????

"Where is that handsome punk?" said Dot about Lance, like that was a normal way to refer to your friends

OH NO, CALLING ABYSS HAKU WAS FORESHADOWING:

"He was all alone for the longest time. It was so tough for him to keep living. And that's why I think he was happy that you needed him." It's a little fucked up, but I do think there's some kind of love between Abyss and Abel

Also they've confirmed that Abyss is he/him. Wasn't sure!

"Learn to put yourself in another's position. If you can do that... You will become just a little bit kinder to others." Abel had a REALLY good mother

Dot not getting involved in Mash's fight because he wants to be there to protect Lemon and Finn!! Ohhhh 😭

"The strong take from the weak, and that's their right. And... the weak oppose the strong, and that's also their right." What a quick philosophical turnaround, Abel

"I'm asking what your personal magic is." "Huh... Um. Power." LMAOOOO

"A powerful magical item that reflects any and every spell cast its way!" HAHAHAHA a very funny final battle for Mash

"It's..." "It's..." "It's not magic." EVERYONE LEARNING THIS AT THE SAME TIME HAHAHHA. WHO'S GONNA TELL LANCE

"Y-you mean nothing until now was magic?" "Mash did everything with his body alone?" I guess in a world where everything is magic, being exceptionally powerful without it is the fantasy

If Innocent Zero is looking for Mash, does that mean he's some kind of prophecy baby? His lack of magic means something? One Strong Baby to Rule Them All?

"My name is Cell War." Another randomly generated name. Until this moment, I thought HIS name was Innocent Zero, not his group

Rayne's healing bunny hankerchief was also a plot point. I forgot!

"I give you my thanks, Mash Burnedead. I will make sure to return the favour." Still sounds a little threatening, Abel, but it's a nice thought

Awwwww the way all of Mash's friends are immediately so concerned for his lack of magic putting him in danger. He is a terrible liar:

"Anyway, we've gotta protect Mash's secret so people won't find out." Yeah you do 💗 Also what do we think that chances are that Lance already knows but hasn't said anything about it for like 9 episodes

"I heard everything! A student who can't use magic in our school? That's an outrage. I'm telling the teachers!" They probably should've waited to have this conversation 'til there weren't tons of other students around waking up from their puppet trance

Is this the way the season ends? What a cliffhanger!

Also, This is the first time I've watched the full outro and it is very silly and cute

[explosionshark]

2, 3, 9!

2. Did you reread anything? What?

I actually did reread a lot this year (for me)

The Priory of the Orange by Samantha Shannon - I reread this as a buddy read with my homie @nataliving who hadn't read it before. It was fun going back after reading A Day of Fallen Night last year. I think overall Priory on a second run meant the pacing issues stuck out to me more, but I was delighted to find that my favorite parts of the book still held up really well.

A Night in the Lonesome October by Roger Zelazny - reread this advent calendar style for the second year in a row. This time got @holdsteady to join me. Super fun, highly recommend this for anyone who wants to read something Halloweeny and fun next October.

Stranger Things Happen and Magic for Beginners by Kelly Link - this was a big Kelly Link year for me. I re-read these two short story collections as well as reading her other two collections for the first time. I'm basically caught up except for The Book of Love. Anyway - there were a few stories in Stranger Things Happen that I really liked, but overall Magic for Beginners hit way better for me

The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman - reread this in anticipation of the prequel, The Daughters War, being released. Probably the first book I've ever genuinely been able to call a comfort read. Loved it even more on a re-read.

Whipping Girl by Julia Serano - re-read this when the new edition came out. As vital as ever, able to present things in a very approachable way, it's a foundational and highly recommended intro to transfeminism for a reason, I think everyone should read it at least once.

The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik - also reread this with @nataliving. It's my favorite Scholomance book, I wanted to be keeping pace with them while they got to all my favorite parts. Super fun to buddy-read this, I truly love this book.

3. What were your top five books of the year?

okay not counting re-reads

Penance by Eliza Clark - this is a fake true crime book. a book about toxic relationships between girls, a book about true crime fandom, a book about the true crime industry, a book about bias and journalistic ethics and perhaps most importantly a book about TUMBLR a decade ago. Also the most brutal and realistic portrayal of bullying between girls i've ever read. Could NOT put this down.

A Tide of Black Steel by Anthony Ryan - another book in the world of the Covenant of Steel series, which I read and loved last year. Just really good fantasy, I've become such a fan of Anthony Ryan. Love how he writes women and gay people and magic and sword fights! Been patiently working my way through his books, waiting for when I'd get a queer woman out of him and the answer is NOW! Thera, my hyper-competent bisexual viking babe. Love of my life.

The Daughters' War by Christopher Buehlman - as mentioned above I really loved The Blacktongue Thief. My main critique when I first read it was that I wish it had more Galva and then BAM Buehlman announces a prequel from Galva's POV. It's basically a war memoir, Buehlman really gets to show off his horror chops here, which is always a plus for me. Loved it, read it once on audio and then again in print, both versions are great but the narrator was really strong, added a lot.

The Jasmine Throne and The Oleander Sword by Tasha Suri - okay counting these as one entry bc they're part of the same series and I read them pretty close together. EXTREMELY COOL FANTASY SETTING. Indian-inspired, cool mythology, cool magic, lots of intrigue and court politics and some of the best women-vs-misogyny i've ever read in a fantasy book. ALSO a lovers-to-enemies lesbian relationship that made me fully feral. Some of the best pacing I've ever read in 500 - 600 page books, absolutely propulsive, literally no part of these books dragged for me which is WILD.

White Cat, Black Dog by Kelly Link - as mentioned above, it's a big Kelly Link year for me! White Cat, Black Dog might be the strongest collection I read from her this year. There was only one story I didn't really care for. Link is so incredibly talented - her style is so whimsical, but there's always this brilliant, vulnerable emotional honesty to her work. Look, I won't lie, sometimes she's a little hard to follow and I can't say I understand everything I read from her but the way I don't get it STILL feels satisfying somehow. It's a good tension! If you're interested in trying a story from this collection, you can read one of my favorites, The Girl Who Didn't Know Fear for free via Tin House

9. Did you get into any new genres?

Not really! Okay, wait, no, that's a lie. I read some history this year, which I don't usually do. The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson, The Wager by David Grann, The Medici by Paul Strathern. Cool, interesting stuff! Good texture for my reading list!

[light-lanterne]

Hi! Idk if you're into it, but can I request some Byler and vivisection please? Look it up if you don't know what it is, I get the feeling it's right up your alley

hello ! thanks for the ask ~! a lovely mutual (rori) has been sharing stuff about it here and there so i know what it is, don't worry :]

anyway, you'll forgive the uninspiring scenario and the massive departure from your prompt, but i'm a little dry on creativity these past couple days so this is the only thing i could come up with. i hope it's enough:

tw // abundant, vivid, semi-anatomically-correct descriptions of gore - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ☽ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - a short offering @boycattj, @byelerss, @catboy-cabin, @cosmobrain00, @dark-quill, @conanssummerchild, @fenixashes, @fluffyfangirl, @foodiewithdahoodie, @holyvirgilscriptures, @hyperfixationcentralsvoid, @rotisseries, @wheelersboy, @yearninginblue.

s5 scenario where byler are trapped by themselves in the upside down. they are lost, tired, they've been fighting quite a lot and they just want to find somewhere safe to spend the night and recover a little bit of their strength.

luck, however, isn't on their side and they get mauled by a pack of demogorgons. they manage to outrun most of them via trickery and deception; they even manage to kill a couple.

but it's not enough and, just when they think they're finally safe, a lone beast follows their tracks and finds their hiding spot, attacking and ripping to shreds the belly of one of them before the other is able to do anything and neutralise the threat via bashing them in the head with a bat.

so, the demogorgon is dead and the one who killed it (could be either mike or will) takes a moment to recover his breath, then turns around and notices just how bad the other is doing so he rushes to his side. kneels by him. of course, he quickly realises the blood loss is almost too much and starts to crack under the pressure of what's happening, but he keeps trying and even manages to stop most of the bleeding with one hand...

...but then shock sets in and the heart stops, and the one still awake —who again, only has one hand available since they're still trying to stop the bleeding with the other— is forced to take a rather unorthodox approach towards saving the other's life.

if it's mike, it's because of his unyielding determination and stubborn resolution to not let vecna win after everything that's happened. if it's will, it's because of his love for mike and maybe because he's lost a little bit of sanity throughout the last few months of their struggle, with the constant nightmares and taunting vecna's been subjecting him to non-stop.

whoever it is, he's a little deranged over the situation and thus, he doesn't hesitate to stick his hand inside the tear —careful not to be too forceful in an effort to keep the guts intact—, then slides it under the sternum and pushes past the liver, stomach and diaphragm and reaches towards the heart, erratic spasms from the lungs a clear indicator of how quickly the other's condition is deteriorating and how urgent the situation is.

so he keeps going. and at first, the fingertips barely touch the muscle, the blood is slippery and makes it so the heart keeps moving further into the ribcage, and it's a rather awkward angle so he has to consistently rearrange the position of his hand. but then he figures it out, pushes a little bit deeper —closer—, and finally manages to get a firm hold onto the heart and squeezes.

gently, softly. he has no idea what he's doing but he's determined and he's already in so deep (literally) so he's not going to stop.

thus, he massages the heart and tries to make the blood flow from one chamber into the other —just like mr. clarke showed them in biology class—, then maybe even moves their position a little so he can attempt to give some rather-ineffective mouth-to-mouth, barely any air making it past the throat due to the atrocious angle, yet enough air entering the lungs to inflate them a little and pushing them closer to the hand that's still in there.

little by little, for several minutes, he keeps struggling to reanimate the heart and get it back in working order until, finally, the demogorgon's poor victim takes a deep, tortured breath and the heart beats a couple times on its own, its rhythm slow and uneven but at least it's there.

moreover, there are yells in the distance and they've been there for a while, but the boys were a little busy to notice and it is only now that they realise it's their party and thus, help is on the way and everything is going to be fine and it is! the others arrive promptly and help the unfortunate teenagers through their conundrum, then a few weeks go past and the upside down is out of their lives so everything should go back to normal soon.

and for the most part, that's exactly what happens. life is not quite what it used to be before the gates opened —much less before will was even taken—, but slowly, the anxiety and nightmares the entire party now suffers start decreasing as time goes by and it's probably only going to be a couple years before they can all feel a sense of peace and calm at long last.

but during the quiet nights, when they're completely alone in their bedrooms with nothing but their own thoughts as companions, mike and will keep thinking back to that moment. to when one of them had to do something so odd to save his life.

for the receiver, it's a little confusing since it's all a blur, the strange, phantom sensation of having a hand around his cardiac muscle somehow entwining with the endorphin rush produced by the delusional daydreams he was having at that moment, on the brink of death, when the pain of what his body was going through was no longer being registered in his tired brain, and thus, the pressure of a foreign object in his chest somehow being logged in his mind as something that felt nice.

for the giver, however, it's all much clearer. much more vivid. if he focusses enough, he can still feel the warmth of the blood and smooth innards against his palm, all over his skin and under his nails; the pressure of the viscera pushing against his fingers, the space tight and clearly not meant to house any more mass, yet squishy and malleable and able to make enough room for the slim hand; the blood inside the heart moving from one side to the other, the sensation not too different from that of playing around with a water balloon...

...the bizarre feeling of the lungs expanding and breathing in life at the very end, his hand suddenly trapped and unable to move by the increased volume, almost as if the inside of his loved one's body was trying to hold him and keep him there, unmoving for just a little bit longer, nestled between some of the most important organs in the entire human body (the very organs he'd just reanimated and essentially returned life to with his very breath and gentle force).

so he lays in bed, hand extended towards the ceiling, the light from outside his window illuminating his fingers, and he pictures how they looked back when he finally pulled out to give room for the others to finish saving the other's life.

he pictures his hand covered in crimson blood, the likes of which was too quick to get cold upon being in contact with the air, then sighs in melancholy as he chases after the memory of the wonderful heat and pressure he'll unfortunately never get to feel again.

- the end -

(now that this is done, i must ask,,, is vivisection a weird kink ? >.< not shaming in the slightest (and this isn't technically vivisection so it's not even right), but i was writing the last couple paragraphs when it hit me that not everyone is an aroace ex-med student like yours truly so i was just going with the vibes while it is entirely possible that anon had a different angle when sending their request x.x oh well, it's done. thanks for the ask, for reading, and for letting me write weird stuff !! have a lovely day / night ~)