#Can’t wait to see what the antis have to nitpick about this one

[halastar05]

Thoughts on Mastermind

(So yeah spoilers ahead)

So after letting my thoughts on the episode settle a bit and giving myself time to analyze, I have a LOT to say.

So first of all… yeah I think this is officially my new favorite Helluva episode.

I think this episode was pretty well paced (a little fast, but there was a LOT to cover) and also did a surprisingly good job at balancing the drama and humor. Also obviously ADORED the IMP found family showcased in this episode, they were entertaining in the first scene, and heart wrenching at the court.

Now for a bit more analysis, the way they handled the writing was REALLY interesting here. While first watching the episode, I was a little confused about Andrealphus’s plan, but after thinking about it… it’s scarily clever.

He knows that Stolas is smart in his own right, if he straight up brought him to court, he’d find a good way to argue. He knows how to work this type of stuff as shown in Oops. But if they brought in only Blitzø, they knew Stolas wouldn’t see until the broadcasted execution. He would have no time to form a concrete rational plan, Andre wants him to either act irrationally, or make himself look like a fool and incompetent. No one knows exactly what he’ll do, but Andre is giving Stolas as little time as possible to think it out. The hope is that he acts as irrationally as he has before.

And even if Stolas didn’t come, Andre purposely tries to make Stolas seem weak and somewhat helpless, incompetent. All the while he makes himself look an almost better version of our favorite bird. His backup plan is to make Stolas look incompetent and vulnerable, while it may be less immediate, with Stolas’s already somewhat declining reputation, this would make it easier for him to take Stolas’s title.

And despite being EXTREMELY irrational, Stolas did a pretty good job with his plan in my opinion. First of all, he brought ALL the theater kid energy in the song (which was an absolute banger by the way, I don’t care how cheesy the Stolitz part was I LOVE CHEESY) and did a great job playing the part. To me, this is proof that he had finally started to realize the classism. This is the type of part you can only play by understanding it even if you don’t necessarily believe it. He plays up the the classism and distaste for imps, he uses the fact that the other royals see them as useless and incompetent. And honestly, I think it was smart of him to be so vague in the song. Once again, he didn’t have a lot of time to think this through, and he somewhat used this to his advantage. Being vague added an air of mystery and made it seem like more of an unpredictable threat. He’s building up the fact that this mastermind has a dangerous plan, something possibly having to do with taking over the mortal realm. And then when he reveals himself to be the “mastermind”? Well of course he wouldn’t expose any of his “future plans”, Stolas is playing as someone who just wants the recognition and to be feared. Someone arrogant, feeling offended that an imp was getting the credit for his crimes. Claiming he has more planed while not naming those plans makes him a threat and will draw away almost any blame from Blitzø.

And of course this plan is impulsive, but he barely has any time to plan. He arrives right before the axe is about to come down on his lover’s neck. His only goal right now is making sure Blitzø stays alive. In the song he even acknowledges how impulsive it is to throw everything away for this idiot he is still frankly mad at. But he’s learned he can choose his fate, and that’s exactly what he’s doing.

And of course I ADORED the Stolitz in this episode, they were both so perfectly dramatic and the absolute SOFTNESS in the last scene had me making absolute demonic and feral noises. But, despite this somewhat being a closure to the season 2 Stolitz drama (however we do still have Sinsmas) I’m happy they’re still leaving room for more angst even with them now being able to properly blossom. This episode did an EXCELLENT job at showcasing the classism via the unfairness of the court case, so it feels fitting that at the end the power dynamic almost switches. Blitzø is now a celebrity amongst imps and lower class demons, while Stolas essentially lost everything, including his daughter. And while I definitely think this is setting up for angst in at least the next episode (in which I very much think they’re going to go and try to save Octavia from her bitchy mother), this power dynamic is going to feel different, because while there is still somewhat a power dynamic now, there is also a much larger level of understanding between the two of them. They now feel more capable of facing this together, there is less doubt of feelings. I’m REALLY excited to see how they handle this, and yes I also am an absolute sucker for hurt/comfort.

Those are most of my major thoughts in this episode. I loved every single part of this beautifully dramatic episode (yeah I expectantly loved Vassago) but most of the other things I would bring up have already been said. Plus this post is too long so yeah that’s it for now.

[xipiti]

If the actual harm this game is causing is not a good enough reason for you not to buy it, how about this? It’s a bad game.

I thought I’d spend a lot of time in this section nitpicking. Going over every grievance I have with how this game deviates from the source material, how dated it looks and feels, and how every character just feels like an animatronic Chuck-E-Cheese robot waiting for you to come by and put a quarter in so it can say its one line of dialog and perform a grim, herky-jerky facsimile of a living being. But there are no nits to pick, it’s just lice all the way down.

The longer I spent in this version of Hogwarts, the more I could feel a tangible absence. There’s definitely something missing. I thought maybe it was the lackluster art direction, the one-dimensional characters that feel like store-brand versions of the ones we know and love, or even the conspicuous lack of the iconic John Williams score. But there’s a bigger absence here.

There’s a hole where this game’s heart should be. You can’t see it at first. You have to really feel around its edges, stop looking for what is there and start noticing what isn’t. There’s no sense of place. The world is lifeless. Character models and facial animations are present but somehow absent. The characters are animated, but they certainly don’t feel alive.

The story, besides being rooted in anti-Semitism (a global “cabal” is trying to end slavery but that's bad because the slaves like being slaves), doesn’t even feel compelling. It feels muddy, a minefield of unanswered questions and unexplained motivations. And speaking of which, the characters often flat-out state their motivations, but they don’t feel believable or even particularly coherent. It says it’s Hogwarts, but it doesn’t feel like Hogwarts. Even despite the controversy around Rowling herself, the game feels like it was put together to tap the eager nostalgia of fans without any attention to making it actually worth playing.

For that reason alone, I can't in good conscience recommend spending your money on it. Combined with who this game helps and who it harms, well, it's definitely not worth it unless your goal is to cause harm.

This is a familiar problem though. It’s one we see in the latest Wizarding World films as well.

The new movies are bad. Not just bad morally, but bad qualitatively. They’re not fun to watch. There’s spectacle, but it all feels flat and kind of confusing. If you look closely, you can see the steady decline in quality as the new movies go on, with IP owners trying to wring any remaining semblance of life from a franchise all but poisoned by its owner, despite attempts to right the ship. Some reviews chalk it up to Rowling having more direct control, and fewer people to tell her no or give her edits. The George Lucas problem. But Hogwarts Legacy makes me think this isn’t the case.

[delimeful]

Helpless (2)

the next chapter in the drider virgil fic!

warnings: spiders, slight dehumanizing language, assumptions/jumping to conclusions

-

Logan was certain that he’d tracked down his quarry.

Of course, he’d also been certain the last two times he’d found promising evidence around a swath of woods, but this time was different.

He had learned plenty while traversing through the varied lands of his kingdom, and while physical evidence was ideal, word of mouth was one of the most useful tools a researcher could use to find leads.

That was part of the reason why he’d been so careful to observe typical travelers for weeks before his departure, the reason he was wearing worn, cheap fabric and staying at the second-cheapest room at this town’s inn, despite having plenty of money still hidden on his person. He didn’t want a single rumor about a suspiciously rich noble traveling alone.

The last thing he needed was for his investigative journey to be interrupted by bandits, or worse, would-be do-gooders attempting to return the missing prince to his place in line for the throne.

Logan resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the very thought, putting aside the last half of his travel rations and stopping at the edge of town to stare into the woods beyond. He checked his compass habitually, and he was pointed firmly westward, exactly towards the point of the woods that were occupied by a dangerous monster, according to the barkeep that Logan had plied for information last night at supper.

The whole town knew of it, even the younger residents, which was a point in favor of the creature really existing rather than just being another folk tale.

There was one other potential source on the creature, a town outcast going by the way others’ noses wrinkled at the mention of him, but Logan was more than ready to begin investigating for himself, and the odds that the outcast actually knew anything were low, anyhow.

Decided, he headed into the forest, prepared for the day-long trek that was sure to follow. If he was prone to less scientific notations, he might have jotted down that he had a good feeling about this particular town.

Exactly an hour and a half later, Logan had found himself almost entirely immobilized by layers and layers of gossamer threads strewn about the trees.

Needless to say, he was ecstatic.

Even the foolish manner in which he’d landed himself stuck in such an obvious trap couldn’t dampen his spirits, not when faced with undeniable proof that there was in fact a drider in these woods. He’d been too hasty in his attempt to collect some of the biological material, and by yanking too hard, had ended up pulled forwards into the thick of the intricate spider web.

His immobility was a bit concerning, but mostly frustrating, since he couldn’t reach for his journal to note down the surprising level of the webbing’s tensile strength. Still, proper scientists had to be prepared to hold onto their observations for as long as it took for them to be able to write them down.

Besides, he could hardly complain. His current predicament practically guaranteed that he would actually get to see the creature!

-

There was a person stuck in his webs, and Virgil was freaking out about it.

It had never happened before. Virgil very specifically made the webs closer to town thick and opaque so that any passerby would see them and avoid this exact situation.

Virgil peered around the cluster of bushes he had half-flattened himself behind. The stranger didn’t seem too panicked, at least, going by the way that the web barely swayed with his presence. He didn’t even seem to be breathing hard, which was… admittedly sort of strange.

Skies above, what if this was a trap? Virgil turned his head sharply to scan his surroundings, wary of human hunters suddenly popping out of the undergrowth.

Several moments of silence, and even with all his senses pushed to their farthest, he couldn’t detect anything. It seemed the only one trapped here was the human.

A pang of guilt curled unpleasantly in his first stomach. He grimaced, wishing desperately that Patton was here to mitigate the utter terror Virgil was surely about to inflict on this guy.

No point in drawing it out. He rose up to his full height, grateful that the human had gotten stuck facing the opposite direction, and quietly crept up behind him. All he needed to do was announce his presence and let the human know he wasn’t going to hurt them, but he was immediately distracted at the sight of just how tangled his webs had grown.

“How does one human manage to touch every single support thread at the same time?” he asked, voice incredulous.

The human stiffened, and he couldn’t help but tense in response, cursing his big mouth.

… Really though, he spent hours crafting these, and now this one would have to be completely reconstructed!

“Are you the monster spoken of in town?”

The measured voice snapped Virgil out of his thoughts as easy as a clap of thunder, and he shuffled a bit from side to side nervously. His many steps must have been louder than he’d thought, because the human immediately attempted to twist around and see him.

He failed, naturally, because Virgil’s threads weren’t exactly easy to wriggle free of, but Virgil’s nerves only grew. “I… why do you ask?”

There was a short silence, and then, “Considering my current situation, it’s only natural I would want to know, isn’t it?”

Virgil resisted the urge to wince at his own dumbassery. “Right. Well. Yeah,” he confirmed, already bracing for the fear that nearly every human bore when confronted with him. Even Patton had been afraid at first, though Virgil really thought him braver than any other human, to be so terrified of even normal spiders and befriend a Drider of all creatures.

“Oh, excellent,” the human said with clear excitement. “Would you mind coming around so that I can see you?”

Virgil blinked, befuddled. The last thing most humans wanted was for him to come closer. Maybe it was the natural fear of him being in their blind spot? The guy certainly didn’t sound very afraid, even with Virgil’s less-than-stellar first impression.

“Do you have a weapon?” he asked warily.

“I have a knife,” the stranger offered, “but I can’t exactly reach it at the moment.”

Virgil could see the glint of it, caught bladefirst at the very edge of a web as though it had been used on the threads themselves. He slowly circled around the clearing, watching the stranger closely for any sudden movements, until he stood before him, all eight legs and thorax visible.

“Fascinating,” he breathed, eyes blown wide as they skittered from point to point as though noticing every little detail. Virgil would have thought him afraid had it not been for the prideful little grin that sat on his face. “I thought maybe you were lying to me-- I hadn’t expected you to be so fluent in the common language, living in the woods and all-- but wow!”

Virgil felt his front legs rising up a little bit in an automatic defense against the unexpected reaction. He ran his tongue over his fangs nervously, trying to figure out whether or not he should be insulted about the language thing. And what exactly did this guy mean by ‘expected’?

The stranger’s hands twitched slightly, still stuck firmly in place, and irritation briefly flitted across his face as though he’d forgotten his position. He blinked, as though remembering something.

“Oh, right. Are you planning on trying to consume me, then?” he asked, the question as politely curious as an inquiry about the weather.

Virgil recoiled physically at the idea, skittering back a few strides and baring his fangs despite the difference in size and strength and trapped-ness between the two of them. “What? No!”

The stranger managed to drag his intrigued gaze away from Virgil’s fangs, his hands twitching again almost subconsciously. “In that case, would you mind helping me down? My leg has begun to go numb, and I really would like access to my journal.”

“I-- I mean, yeah, if you aren’t-- I can--,” Virgil stumbled over his words, drawing closer with his body lowered non-threateningly and waiting for the inevitable flinch or shiver of disgust.

It never came. The stranger continued to stare at him with no trace of terror in his eyes, even as Virgil grew close enough to reach out and touch him.

“Take your time,” he offered, despite being the one trapped in a monster’s web. Virgil abruptly felt a bit silly about his obvious wariness, and lifted his front legs to rub them together at the ankles. The stranger’s head tilted to the side slightly, watching the gesture intently.

“... It’s the oils that make the webs not stick,” Virgil explained. “I produce it naturally on my feet so I don’t get, y’know, stuck. I’ll have to touch the webs that are attached to you. With my feet. The spider ones.”

Virgil didn’t have any other kinds of feet, but the stranger graciously didn’t nitpick.

“A built-in solvent… I wonder if natural spiders have similar traits,” he mused instead, and then, “Do whatever you need, I don’t mind. The opposite, really, I appreciate the assistance.”

Sure enough, he didn’t shy away when Virgil began carefully plucking at the threads entangling him, sliding the sides of his legs along them to coat them in the anti-stick oils. Bit by bit, the entanglement loosened, and Virgil had just freed both arms when the human abruptly twisted around to reach for something on his person.

Of course, now that much of the webbing holding him in midair had been removed, his weight was significantly less supported. A few threads snapped, and he dropped a few inches with a startled yelp. If he continued, he’d be in for either a rough fall or getting caught in a whole new layer of webbing, and Virgil wanted neither of those things.

He quickly reached forwards with his human arms and lifted the stranger up and away from further entanglement, batting away any stray threads with his front legs. Belatedly, he realized he had forgotten to check if it was a weapon that the human had reached for. Even more belatedly, he realized that this was the second human he’d picked up in this impromptu carry.

Weird that it had happened twice.

“Perfect, thank you,” the guy said, and then he started writing furiously in a little book, occasionally glancing up at Virgil and locking onto a feature before returning to writing. It was as though he didn’t mind at all being held aloft like a human might lift up a misbehaving cat.

Virgil took the opportunity to continue cleaning any web remnants off the guy while he was distracted, his mind whirring. A stranger who had clearly never done a day of hard labor in his life, who didn’t seem at all afraid of him, and was taking notes.

... Oh, shit.

Virgil set him carefully on the ground while he was still preoccupied with scrawling out a label for a diagram of Virgil’s teeth. He backed up, softening his steps, and by the time the stranger pulled his attention away from his book, Virgil was already well out of sight and planned to keep it that way, regardless of the confused little call the stranger made.

He was not messing with what was clearly a mage out for his parts.

[maximura]

ATEEZ: GUERRILLA

It has taken me three days to calm down and form coherent thoughts. This turned out longer than expected so it’s behind a cut. If you haven’t watched the music video, this is your sign from God. 

1) Firstly. Who does all the screaming. I want to know. It’s a very important piece of information that I need to know. The laugh is Hongjoong’s but does he also do all the screaming. I need answers, NASA! 

2) The Energy. Every single reaction I’ve seen about this song uses the word “energy”. Ateez do what other groups think they’re doing when the genre is hype because I’ve never NOT ONCE seen Ateez slack off. They leave blood and sweat on the floor for their rivals to slip on. When I first heard the song I thought my heart was just pounding from the excitement but my oximeter said I was actually having a near svt episode, lol. I shouldn’t laugh, it’s kind of unpleasant but HR 120 bpm? Yeah, only Ateez tbh. 

3) Production Quality. I’d like to thank the Academy and KQ for the increase in budget for the MV because it really shows. They used it in a way that wasn’t an empty flex (expensive clothes, meaningless sets, fireworks) but rather, added to the world they’ve been building up since debut. You can see the narrative continue and I really appreciate that. The audio production on the song is just flaw free for me. I usually have so much to nitpick, even in good songs, but I have nothing else to add to Guerrilla. It must have so many layers and tracks to it but it was quiet when it needed to be and absolutely feral at the right parts. What a way to end a track. It didn’t fade out but exploded like a grenade. You can’t ever say that Ateez don’t commit to a concept in every single sense. You’ve heard of Ugly Crying, well Ateez Ugly Hype and have never been afraid to do that. 

3) War Aesthetics. Okay bitch, listen, the creative team really stepped up 800% here for this era and this MV. There are so many warfare references in those 4 minutes that it makes my mind exhausted just thinking of the planning that went into all this. The speaker-bombs were fucking inspired. The use of zeppelins immediately remind me of war, particularly WW1, and an alternative steampunk reality. This part of the MV, which is a piece of art tbh, has got to be a homage to ‘Raising the flag on Iwo Jima’ during WW2 as well as Banksy’s Rage, The Flower Thrower piece in Jerusalem. I think that part of the MV was deliberately in slow motion because the inspiration came from still images. They make very clear statements about war and anti-war sentiments. Without boring you all, the last thing I wanted to mention is the font and colours used for the choreo scenes looks straight from vintage propaganda media. I could keep going but this post is already way too long.  

4) Metal/Rock Aesthetics. That band room? With all the cables and amps? The mics? The spy cameras? The tv monitors? The fisheye lens? You can tell the team has watched a billion 1990s music videos. It also reminded me a lot of American Idiot. That’s all I wanted to say about that. There’s just a lot of influence in those shots. 

5) Screamo in KPOP?! The way it was incorporated was really well done because it’s not prominent enough to scare away the more sensitive casual listener but it was definitely prominent enough for metal fans to have a crisis. We talk about Cultural Reset-This and Cultural Reset-That but nobody has produced a track like Guerrilla before. Nobody. This is one of those times where you can use hyperbole and be right. Nobody has made a song like this and there is no other song like this in KPOP right now. Respect to the Ateez team and the members for their total commitment because they operate like one big breathing organism and that’s why everything feels cohesive. I’ve been waiting 84 years for this. I hope we get to see it with a band one day. 

6) Kim Hongjoong. I don’t know if it’s true or not but I feel his influence all over this. This is HIS era and the style/genre suits him the best. I know he likes Linkin Park and at the very least, this style of music, but I do wonder how much he was able to dictate the Ateez sound and direction. Guerrilla is so good and fed me so well that even if they never do this style again, I’m actually fine with that. 

7) Literally. I just think it’s so amusing how literal this whole song/mv is. There’s just no “hidden meanings” or subtleties here. I’m not sure Ateez can even do subtle. Even their soft material is aggressively emotive. Haha. 

8) People sometimes wonder why I only write long reviews about Ateez music but it’s because they always give me meat to sink my teeth into. Answer is still my Top 3 favourite kpop songs of ALL TIME. There’s just always so much to talk about and it doesn’t even hinge on how hot the members are. You know a group is Legit Good when visual appeal isn’t the first thing I want to talk about. We’re so lucky to live in the Ateez Era. 

[taetaespeaches]

“I could never want less of you.”

hoseok x reader (or oc) genre: angst; fluff word count: 3.3K

a/n: Ok, I’m giggling because this was supposed to be much angstier than what it turned out to be lmao. But like, it’s Hobi and Petal, they just work shit out, idk lol. Anyways, these two are taking a big step in their relationship and it brings out some stress and insecurities and it leads to an argument that is really patched up very quickly lol. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for reading! :))

SITTING at the kitchen island, you scrolled through the photos displayed on your laptop screen of a seemingly perfect apartment that was currently available. The location was conveniently placed in close proximity to both yours and Hoseok’s workplaces, the apartment was stunning, and the building was safe and secure. It appeared to be exactly what you and your boyfriend were looking for.

It was a month ago when you and Hoseok decided you should move in together. He practically already lived at your place anyway, you loved having each other around, and you absolutely planned on spending the rest of your lives together. Finding a new place together felt right.

Bookmarking the page, you wrote down the realtor’s name and number and noted a few details about the living space. Clicking onto another apartment, tapping your pen on the notebook, your front door opened, the sound drawing your eyes to see Hoseok kicking his shoes off before meeting your gaze.

“Hey, Petal,” he gave you a small smile, his eyes darting to your hand that was tapping the pen repeatedly.

“Hi, Sunshine,” you grinned before turning back to the screen to pull up the perfect apartment once again. “Guess what I found,” you said excitedly, Hoseok humming as he approached you. As he peered over your shoulder at the screen, you gestured to the laptop with a playful, “ta-da!”

“Oh, an apartment?” He questioned.

“I really like it, look,” you started, Hoseok already losing focus as he took a step away from you.

“Petal, I just got home,” he pointed out, you turning to look at him, inspecting his features. Your heart dropped at the apprehension displayed in his expression. Throughout the past week, your boyfriend had been acting less and less interested in apartment hunting, and you were beginning to take it personally.

When you and Hoseok first decided to move in together, he was the one who suggested it, stating that he couldn’t wait to have a shared space with you.

Lying in bed together, your nude forms pressed together in a post-sex cuddle, you dragged your finger across his chest as he soothed his knuckles up and down the curve of your hip.

“I missed you,” he spoke softly into the moonlit room, the illumination pouring in through the bedroom window.

“Did you miss me or my bedroom skills?” You teased, Hobi chuckling as his hand moved to tickle your side, you squirming against him until you rolled on top of him, resting your chin on his chest. “I missed you too,” you admitted before bringing your finger to his nose, tapping it gently with a “boop”.

“Your apartment is too far from the studio and dorm when the schedule is packed,” he complained with a slight whine. He had been upset all week that he hadn’t been able to see you due to your hectic new job and his demanding idol schedule with a comeback in the works. “Six days is too long,” he added.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to the dorm to visit,” you apologized, the man instantly shaking his head.

“No, our places are just too far apart,” he pointed out. “I couldn’t get over here either.”

With your eyes raking over his face, you huffed. “My apartment is too far from everything now,” you thought aloud. “It was good for university but now my job is closer to where you’re at and it just doesn’t really make sense to be living clear out here.”

“Are you thinking of moving?” He asked, his eyes widened.

“I don’t know,” you pondered. “Maybe?”

Your boyfriend nodded slowly, watching you carefully. Inspecting his expression, you knew there was something on his mind. “What is it?” You questioned him, the man smiling in response at being caught in thought.

“Well,” he started nervously, you staring at him curiously. “You’re thinking of moving,” he added, you humming in confirmation, “and well, I’ve been thinking of my life with you. Our future,” he clarified.

“Hobi,” you realized, making him smile wider.

“Would you want to move in together, Petal?” He asked, you holding back your smile as you stared at him.

“You’re not just suggesting this because I might want to move, are you?” You asked, Hobi quickly shaking his head. “Because this is a big decision, it can’t just be made out of convenience,” you added, your boyfriend chuckling as he tried to cut in. “Like we need to actually want this,” you continued, Hoseok smiling even wider.

Calling your name to get your attention, you stopped talking to appreciate the grin spread across his face. “I actually want this, Petal,” he assured you. “I’ve wanted it, I plan on spending my life with you, I obviously want to live with you.”

The words circled your mind for a moment before a smile broke out on your face. “I want this too,” you agreed easily. “Of course I do,” you added, more telling yourself than him. “I hate not having you here in the evening,” you realized suddenly.

“So, yes? Are we moving in together in?” He asked for clarification, you scrunching your nose at him, the man letting out a cute scream in excitement, you laughing in amusement of him. “Omg, you have champagne in the kitchen,” he realized, gently rolling you off him as he ran out of the bedroom butt ass naked to retrieve the celebratory drink, only to return a second later.

“Did you forget something?” You asked through your giggles, the man nodding.

“This,” he said just before kissing you hard and passionately, pouring every ounce of love he had for you into the action. The champagne could wait.

However, as time went on, Hoseok seemed to become anti-enthusiastic about the very real apartment hunt, and it made you worry he only liked the idea in theory. When put into action, he seemed to be changing his mind.

When you turned back to the screen, Hoseok sighed, noticing your dejection. “Ok, show me,” he started, moving closer to you as you shook your head, minimizing the tab as you pulled up your email, shifting focus as you continued tapping your pen against the notebook. “Petal,” he called out.

“No,” you said simply, not wanting to get into the fight that was inevitably on its way.

“Will you please just show me the apartment?” He asked, an annoyance in his tone. Scoffing at him, you continued tapping the pen against the notebook, Hoseok focusing in on the steady rhythm as you scrolled through the pointless junk emails. “Stop tapping that,” he suddenly spoke, you dropping the pen as you pushed your stool away from the counter.

Standing, you began to walk away, pushing past Hoseok only for him to reach for your hand. You let him take it, turning to look him in the eye.

“I don’t want you to look at the apartment because you feel like you have to, I want you to look at it because you want to, because you’re excited about living together, because-”

“I am excited,” he insisted, you rolling your eyes as you pulled your hand from his. “What?”

“Do you think I’m stupid? You’ve acted bothered every time I’ve brought up apartments to you for the past week,” you pointed out, Hoseok huffing as he watched you walk further into the kitchen. “Is it me?”

“What? No. Is what you?” He asked in concern and confusion, you staring at him as your heart pounded in your chest.

“Do you not want to live with me? Is that why you’re not excited?” You asked, holding back the emotions that were bubbling to the surface.

“I do want to live with you, there is not a single bit of truth in that entire thought process, so stop,” he told you firmly, you shrugging. “I’m just tired,” he defended his recent lack of interest, you shaking your head.

“Don’t blame whatever is happening on tiredness, I know you better than that,” you informed him, the man looking at you guiltily. “You went from being really enthusiastic about the whole process and loving every apartment to nitpicking the apartments over small things to completely avoiding looking at the apartments at all,” you continued. “Something is happening.”

The man simply stared at you for a moment, you biting your bottom lip as you tried conceal the tears that were quickly working their way to the surface. Instead of speaking, he looked to the laptop, placing his fingers on the track pad.

��Don’t,” you told him, closing the laptop, Hoseok moving his hand out of the way just before you shut it completely. “What is going on?” You asked him desperately, the tears pricking your eyes as they gathered along your bottom lash line. Sighing, he looked down at the pen. “Hoseok.”

“The pen tapping,” he whispered, you glaring at him in confusion.

“What?”

Looking up to meet your gaze, he noticed the tears, his face dropping at the realization that you were nearly crying because of him. “You tap your pen whenever you’re focusing on something,” he said, furthering your confusion.

“Ok?” You questioned. “So you don’t want to live with me because I tap my pen?” You asked, the man letting out a huff of air as he shook his head, you wiping your face with the back of your hand.

“No,” he spoke in a fragile voice. “I love when you do it. It’s cute and it’s how I know you’ve lost yourself in thought.” His own emotions began taking over as he tightened his jaw.

“What the fuck is happening, what are you saying?” You questioned in frustration, not understanding the point he was attempting to make.

“People say that the small things you love about a person sometimes become the stuff that drive a wedge between you,” he explained, you staring at him in disbelief.

“Seriously?” You questioned, your boyfriend scoffing at your judgmental tone.

“Just forget it,” he dismissed, turning his face away from you to wipe his eyes.

“No, let me get this straight,” you continued, Hoseok looking back at you with a glare. “You think our relationship is so fragile that being locked in a shared living space with me as I’m tapping my pen will be the ruination of us?” You asked him coldly. “That’s what you’re saying?”

“Jesus christ,” he complained, waving you off. “What I’m saying is that I’m scared,” he admitted. “It’s a big change and I’m scared that all the weird little things about me that you love now are going to end up being the things you hate.”

A small sob escaped your lips at the realization that he wasn’t concerned about him falling out of love with you, but rather you losing feelings for him. “Hoseok, do you understand how much I love you?”

“Yes,” he told you as a tear slid down his cheek. “But I also know how fiercely independent you are and I’m worried that with too much time with me, you’ll realize you want less of me,” he told you, revealing the insecurities he had been hiding away.

“But that’s so ridiculous,” you told him, the man shrugging. “Hoseok-” you started just as your phone rang, cutting you off. Your boyfriend looked at the device that sat next to your laptop.

“It’s your work,” he told you, you sighing.

“It can wait,” you told him, Hoseok shaking his head. “No, we’re not done,” you added, your boyfriend holding the phone out to you.

“The job is new, you need to answer this,” he told you, you shaking your head stubbornly. Pressing answer for you, he gestured to the phone, you huffing and cocking your head at him, taking the phone and bringing it to your ear. Sniffling, you greeted your coworker on the other side of the call.

Hoseok walked out of the kitchen, your eyes following his every step, you listening intently as he moved about the apartment. When the shower started, you tried to focus on the call, taking the opportunity to take care of your work while he was occupied. However, you couldn’t care less about the work issue when you knew your boyfriend, who was just feet away, was so scared of you losing feelings for him. Hoseok and his worries consumed every corner of your mind, making you resort to hums and one-word answers to the fellow employee on the phone.

By the time he stepped out of the shower and entered the bedroom, your work call had ended, you instead sitting back at the island as you looked through the photos of the perfect apartment over and over. How could he not know that you’ve pictured your future with the man since your first date? Your love wasn’t so frail that your feelings would just simply go away.

You not so patiently awaited his return to the kitchen to continue the previous discussion, but he never appeared. After about five minutes, you picked the laptop up and made your way to the bedroom, quietly peeking your head inside to find Hoseok underneath he covers in bed, his back turned to the door.

Despite the tension and the leftover frustration, the concern and hurt, you felt nothing but relief in that moment. Watching as his body rose up and down slightly in accordance to the inhales and exhales that entered and left his sleeping frame, you were just thankful that he was there. You always wanted him there.

Stepping into the room, you placed the laptop on your bedside table before crawling under the sheets, and turning toward your lover. You could only see the side of his face, but he looked peaceful as he slept. You were with him. Through all of it, whatever may come. And the knowledge that he questioned that was enough to elicit tears as you draped your arm around his waist, holding yourself tightly to him as you rested your cheek against his shoulder blade, matching the air that entered and left his lungs as he breathed in and out.

The man stirred at your touch, his hand finding yours that rested at the center of his abdomen, his larger one enclosing over yours.

“I don’t know how to assure you, but I’m just so happy you’re here right now,” you told him through your tears, the man immediately turning in your embrace to face you at the sound of your emotions.

“Petal,” he frowned, you hugging him tightly as you buried your face in his chest.

“I love you so much, I need you to feel it,” you cried to him, your boyfriend pressing his lips to the top of your head comfortingly.

“I do,” he promised. “It’s just a big step, I got overwhelmed.”

“I don’t always express myself as much as I should, but I need you to understand that my love for you is the most sincere and intense mix of emotions I’ve ever had the pleasure of feeling and I don’t ever plan on letting you go,” you told him in a surprise verbal confession that neither of you expected to leave your lips. “I love you, Jung Hoseok,” you told him, lifting your face from his chest to look him in the eye, no shame, no embarrassment present. “Thank you for being here,” you told him genuinely. “I always want you here.”

The man leaned his head toward you to press a sweet kiss to your forehead, you leaning into the touch. “I know that,” he whispered against your skin. “I do, I promise I do,” he assured you. “And I don’t want to be anywhere else than right here right now.” You sighed in relief, Hobi’s lips curving into a smile against your head. “Except maybe in our shared apartment,” he added, you giggling lightly at the comment.

“I know it’s overwhelming,” you told him. “I’m nervous for it too, but I’m sure of us.” Hoseok’s smiling lips pressed a few more kisses to your forehead quickly before he pulled away to look at you.

“I am too,” he nodded.

“Good,” you told him with a small smile. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“I’m glad you did,” he chuckled.

Inspecting his sleepy features, you brought your hand to his face to run your finger along his cheek purposelessly. “How tired are you?” You asked.

“Why do you ask?” He questioned back, smiling fondly at your smirk.

“Can I show you the apartment?” You asked in a hopeful tone, Hoseok’s grin widening as he sat up quickly, nodding happily.

“Please, I really want to see it,” he told you, you wiggling in excitement before sitting up with him and reaching for the laptop.

“Ok, it’s located perfectly between your studio and my office, and it has a small little deck area, and the floors are hardwood, and omg it has a bathtub,” you ranted on, pulling the computer onto your lap. “Oh and wait until you see this fucking closet it’s mass-” you were cut off by Hoseok placing a finger to your chin, turning you toward him to immediately place his lips to yours, you easily kissing him back.

Your lips worked flawlessly against one another’s, his soft and warm as always. Pulling away from you, he beamed in utter adoration, you grinning shyly. “I really cannot wait to live with you,” he told you.

“Me too,” you agreed simply, back to your short words with big meaning. “And I could never want less of you,” you told him, the man’s gaze softening at your assurance. “Plus,” you added, intriguing your boyfriend. “If I ever get sick of you, I’ll just tell BigHit to send you on a worldwide tour,” you teased, Hoseok playfully scoffing in feigned disbelief.

“You’re so mean,” he joked, kissing your cheek repeatedly, you giggling at the action.

“You’re so obnoxious,” you retorted happily.

“I know,” he grinned, pecking your lips softly. “Now show me this thing,” he told you, gesturing to the laptop.

“Ok,” you turned to the screen, clicking on the first image. “We could have a little garden here,” you told him, “and oh my god, look, we could put a little bed here for Mickey so he can bask in the sun.”

As you went through the photos excitedly, explaining your vision to him, he could see everything vividly. Waking up and walking into the kitchen to see you dancing around to music as the coffee brewed. Cuddling on the couch with you as you both attempted to watch yet another horror movie, only getting five minutes in before you both called it quits, turning on an animated film instead. On the rare days he got home before you, he would cook you dinner at that stovetop and when you came in and greeted him gratefully, you’d sit at the kitchen island and you’d tell each other about your days. On lazy Sundays, he could see you sitting on the deck area reading a book, Mickey in your lap as you read aloud to the little pup.

Every room, every space, he could see your lives happening.

“Can you call the realtor in the morning?” He suddenly asked as you explained the specifications of the apartment.

“You want me to?” You asked, looking toward him, meeting his smile with your own.

“I love it,” he told you, you scrunching your nose before discarding the laptop to the bottom of the bed, promptly crawling onto your boyfriend’s lap as you kissed all around his face in excitement and happiness.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” you repeated between kisses, the man giggling as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“I love you so much, Petal,” he replied. “I love our life.”

He truly did. And he loved your future. No matter what it brought, he already loved it. Because it was yours, together.

[unhealthyfanobsession]

hellllooooo!!! okay i would actually like to have a discussion about this. by no means is this any hate towards you or me trying to start an argument. just a civil disagreement re: your anti-neris/eris ask!!!

1. agree entirely with this point omggg nesta is literally an eris/rhys in female form without the added ambition, war crimes, and misogyny under her belt fr fr

2. OKAY LOVED BEST LAID PLANS QUEEN YOUR TALENT>>>> sorry love to see white men lose. here’s where i disagree tho. you say that eris saw nesta in a way that cassian didn’t/doesn’t. but i would argue that he does! eris clearly sees nesta as a prize worth having and a huge political advantage (which, duuuhh) but i would say cassian does too. in fact, i would go so far as to say cassian sees so much more than eris. he sees the power she holds in her humanity, in her trauma, and in everything she is beyond that. i think cassian does not let that be the only thing that defines her. that’s she’s a great weapon but that’s only one facet to who she is as a person. i think also saying that cassian didn’t want her as unapologetically or unashamedly as eris did is a little unfair to cassian and nessian’s story over all. their relationship dynamic’s exterior is more of a push/pull sort while their interior leaves a lot of things left unsaid. they’ve never had the clean slate of “seducing him with a dance” that eris had. and i 100% am with you, cassian did do some majorly questionable things (a discussion for another time, maybe. this one is already dragging its ass lmaoo) and i’m not excusing what he’s done but i think nitpicking a few wrongs out of the many and multiple good things cassian not only did for her but *with* her kind of cheapens nesta’s love for him a little bit but that’s maybe just more my opinion than anything else. ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY i’m kinda offended w this klaroline comparison queen. i get neris is fantasy and fun and whatever you wanna make it but c’monnnn klaroline king and queen of the screen UNTOUCHABLE UNREACHABLE PERFECTION…just can’t compare. also eris will never be babyklaus i’m sorry i’ll see myself out now pls don’t hate me.

3. YES! YES I AGREE. I AGREE NESTA OVER HUMANITY IM SO SERIOUS RN!!!! nesta archeron the woman that u are…

4. ooooh yep u got me there queen. may i offer, also: azriel. mysterious morally grey pretty bois will always trump whitehets for me ngl. THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS POTENTIAL!!!!

all in all, queen i truly truly deeply do not mean to offend you at all i just wanted to offer some food for thought and another perspective for the discussion!!! i love everything you write you’re literally the best nessian author fr you feed me all the time i have NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR U!!!! love u love u love u

Hello hello - first of all when I said I was getting hate i 100% NEVER mean things like this. Respectful disagreement is important and fun. I’m literally a lawyer I promise to never be offended by stuff like this lol. I just kinda dipped out of my own messages for a while because I was over it.

Overall, I think the crux of everything I say with Neris is just the ✨fantasy✨ we don’t know what Eris would be like or how he would behave and we are annoyed with Cassian. The MAJOR issue I would say is that pretty much all of the good things Cassian did or affection he showed was before ACOSF and then he spent like half of THEIR BOOK being, if I may say so, a little bitch. He just never defended her until she started doing what he wanted essentially. I don’t think Cassian didn’t care. I think it’s clear he always cared and always wanted Nesta - but it’s the fact that this book was SO anticipated and we were waiting for a healing journey but it ended up being a drill sergeant. Annoyance with Cassian is kind of caked into annoyance with all of ACOSF, in my opinion. I’m not necessarily defending Eris and I don’t actually canon ship this couple, I’m more just explaining where the Neris shipping comes from in my opinion. Cassian was a total simp pre-ACOSF and we fell in love with that. There was the original tension of “calling her out” (eyeroll) but then his whole story was basically longing for and being the only one who understood Nesta. So the combo of the Cassian who actually understood Nesta being nowhere in site and this powerful sexy man being into Nesta and no questions asked wanting her … which was basically EXACTLY what we were all expecting from Cassian just amped everything up to a thousand. We were expecting pained sad boi longing as they healed together and instead we got forced into a house and “everyone hates you” and I think the collective attitude was well if she’s going to not have that epic love story then at least get her away from the IC and make her in charge of a Court thx. That was my mindset anyway. Again, I don’t think it’s actually where anyone felt the narrative going and it’s an over simplification but it was born from a lot of anger over a lot of different issues and character hypocrisies.

Also, to be clear, the Klaroline comparison was genre based only. Just the idea that an enemy becoming obsessed with one of the “good guys” and putting her first while her “boyfriend” is putting others before her is a very sexy vibe that we are all susceptible to. I do hate comparing Cassian to Tyler even a tiny bit … but yknow what if the growling and alpha male complex fit …

[dappersheep]

Food Fantasy: An Analysis on what killed a Golden Goose (3/3)

Ladies and gentlemen, we've arrived at our final destination.

Again before we start, we have our obligatory disclaimers. I do not own the game or its characters, nor do I claim to know the true history and likely fate of this game. I am entitled to the thoughts and opinions written within this post. Feel free to agree or disagree with the points being made.

This post also remains untagged from the main foofan tag. Only my followers will see this.

We are in the third and final stretch, and the checkpoint is past the cut.

Community

So... here we are, fellow Master Attendants.

As consumers of this piece of entertainment media, we are free to enjoy it however we wish. Appreciating what is there, creating something new from what exists, playing the game by the meta or however you want to play it (within your means and at your own risk of course). There's no one true and absolute way to experience the game.

However, just as you can enjoy something, doesn't mean you can't also point out flaws or shortcomings of the media in question. As an active veteran player, I've already pointed out the many gameplay design flaws  already. And I'd be pretty dumb to say that Food Fantasy's writing is perfect. Hell, it has a lot of holes from a worldbuilding consistency standpoint. 

And what of things from the community side? Yes, there will be times you'd see content you consider cringe, or something in fanon you don't agree with. Or there happens to be fan theories and fangirling posts you don't like the take of because of X or Y.

And that's fine. If we all happen to play the same way, like the same thing, agree on the same thing and produce the same thing, well, this would be one helluva boring community, wouldn't it?

But what if someone decides the way you're playing the game is wrong and harasses you over it? What happens if someone decides that their interpretation of the game's flavor text and lore is more important than what anyone else thought about it? What happens if someone decides that they're absolutely right, and you and everyone else who disagrees deserves to be bullied out of the fandom?

As much as I want to say we aren't part of the problem why the game is deteriorating, we are unfortunately, part of the reason why the game is as such even if most of the blame is directed towards Funtoy and Elex themselves.

⦁ Whale Authority. Whales will always be part of a gacha game's ecosystem. Without them, the game won't be able to maintain its upkeep costs, moreso  for one that services global regions instead of just one. But when a game decides to cater its decisions of what features should be prioritized and when it should be launched around only its most elite paying players' voices  -even if that influence has since tapered off-, you know there is something wrong with the publisher's management team and priorities.

⦁ Interguild drama. While I did not personally follow any of this, this has certainly been the peak of in-game tension back in the day. Poaching good players from both competitive and smaller guilds, guild mergers that often ended up making the annexed guild/s the equivalent of UK colonized India or Australia, suck-ups chummying up to guild leaders to keep a spot in an active, high ranking guild (for bragging rights!) despite never contributing much to overall damage, and just general dislike of certain players' attitudes. Actions like this have disillusioned many players about their playing experience and the reason why many eventually just lost the motivation to log into FooFan.

⦁ Cheaters. You know very well about the Hacker-teme I've mentioned before, but that was in context of Elex being incompetent with dealing with them. Here, I would like  to point out the players who are desperate to dominate  the playing field for whatever reason to the point that they would resort to cheating the ranks with forceful modifications of the APK. Whether it is to rank high in catacombs weekly, get a top spot in daily disaster damage, or weasel their way into the competitive whale ranks of a major ranking event, these are the people who have no qualms messing with the code to give themselves an easier time with the game. And if they're caught? Some pretend that they've made a mistake, some quickly sell the account to escape the blame, some others just scamper away into the dark and hide in the lower ranks where they can't be found. Others simply don't care and keep cheating until Elex decides to finally ban them... if Elex ever decides their rebates score isn't worth saving the account.

⦁ Ship wars. Ah yes, a staple of drama in any fandom. There doesn't need much explanation to this as we've all had our fair share of running into a battleground in whatever fandom we visit. Someone ships BB52 wholeheartedly? Nope, problematic 'age gaps'. Someone likes Napoleon with Pastel? Someone's bound to misinterpret their bios in order to justify that Napoleon was being abusive. Spaghetti and Borscht? Borscht is minor coded, ship her with Vodka instead. Whiskey and Pizza or Cassata? Cancelled! And I've never heard of the Foe Yay trope or pretend I don't know about it! Rarepairs? Disgusting! No fanon in my canon playground! Turkey and Eggnog? Gasp! How dare you, you pedo-shipper-even-though-you-never-said-you-shipped-them-romantically-but-that-isn't-my-point!

⦁ Character Obsession: Bias. On one hand, you love a character so much. Relate to a character so much. You have thus pulled this character into the folds of your bosom and coo at them like a mother dove and get so minutely triggered if someone so much as makes one disagreeable or joking comment about the character that you fly into an overreactive ballistic rage that would make a Canadian goose honk in fear. You don't care what they are in canon. You don't care about the possibility of mistranslation. What matters is the fanon space you carved out for them to exist in and that's all that matters. The problem with this is when this obsession takes over common sense and social etiquette and it steps into harassment territory. You begin to think: I'm the only one who 'understands' the character. I'm the only one who wishes better for the character, everyone else is out to defame them! Oh wait, you like them too? Do you like them the way *I* like them? No? Maybe if you're my 'friend', I'd let it slide. But to everyone else? No one else has the right to like them as much as I do. No one! Never mind that they're completely fictional- No one hurts my bias because in turn, they're hurting *me*!

⦁ Character Obsession: Anti. On the other hand, you hate a character so much. This character just makes you see so much red. Their smug little smirk just makes your blood boil. Their fictional backstory makes you recoil in disgust. You hate that someone else loves a character you hate so much.  You cannot *believe* that someone could be so daringly stupid to like a problematic character. They must be problematic too then. They must be hiding real life secrets that are problematic! Yes, yes. That's right. That person's a supporter of abuse. That person's into pedophilia. That person is into military lolita fashion that Japan started the trend of but clearly Japan was part of the Axis Powers! And that... that person... that person... is a roleplayer and a yaoi fangirl properly interacting with minors and adults. How dare they...!

⦁ Fan Translations.  Normally it wouldn't be a problem that a group or two or several are translating pieces of the game's lore ahead of the official. But with Elex's very delayed translations and extreme allergic reactions to translating Food Soul bios, people have become dependent on fan-translation groups to get their fix. The problem herein lies... is when the translators get drunk off the power that they are one of a handful in a small community who can magically transcribe the oriental moonrunes into English. The problem starts when the translator starts to have an inclination. The problem starts when the translator loses their professional detachment and start adding in details here and there into the fan translated product that ultimately changes the meaning and direction of the entire story. The problem is also escalated when that translator's embellished product is touted as the truth by their followers. If there was an upcoming character whose backstory is connected to a character they hated (either because of someone or they just don't like the character) and you were hoping to read the fan translation? How would you know that what you get isn't something doctored to the point it's basically fanfiction?

⦁ Social Justice Vigilantism. Sometimes someone does not have a character obsession or need it to be annoying. Sometimes, someone just wants to ring the alarm over something they find 'problematic' in order to police and sanitize the enjoyment of the media for 'everyone'. They no longer really take enjoyment out of a new Food Soul design being leaked, they no longer read the lore just to enjoy what it has to offer. Instead, they nitpick bits and pieces of the design and point it out repeatedly as a reason why the whole thing is bad. They point out bits of the story and inject their interpretations of it without really comprehending what they've read in full and react badly to it. What's worse is that they have no qualms publicly posting their reactions and eagerly and hungrily await those likes and echoes of agreement that they were right.

⦁ Circles of Influence. Everyone has a group they eventually gravitate to in a fandom. It comes with its own pros and cons. Sometimes you join a group because someone you admire is in there, sometimes you join a group because you just want to mingle and see more content. All valid reasons. Arguments can't be avoided in a group, it has to happen... But you have to take care. You have to take care to feel the change in the air of the group. When someone starts pushing people to agree with them. When your most admired people start to feel overly sensitive about certain characters or issues. When you start to feel obligated to spy on other groups outside of this one for 'nonbelievers', 'traitors' and 'heretics' who do not think the way this group does, and that bringing back bits and pieces of gossip as offerings would somehow make you more favored in the eyes of the inner clique or remain inside it. There is a gripping sense of annoyance when that person comes in to complain but you can't do anything about it but nod and agree. There is a pervading sense of fear and apprehension of overstepping an invisible boundary. There is fear that you might be next on the chopping block, after witnessing one of the others being ganged up on and thrown out without a second thought, their name spat upon like they're worth less than dirt. And so reluctant you are to give up what you have with them that when they push you to do something you are reluctant to do, all in the name of 'harmony and justice'... You do it. Even though it would mean offering yourself up to the mob with no salvation, and the stark realization that... [they] never cared about you as a friend.

And we've come to the end of this analysis trilogy. The writing got a little bit strange in this post, but honestly this is the best way I could put it. I'm aware things can and will be more complicated than the bullet points I've written but I'm just one person and I tried very hard to keep details of all the drama that happened in this fandom as vague as possible. Of course, that wouldn't work if you know what I am talking about.

The community is quiet now for the most part, the game is somewhere between limbo and the living plane. Things could be better for us, but I don't really count on it.

I wish I could leave a bit of a moral warning or something. But rather than do that, I just hope this was an entertaining read into one individual's eyes into Food Fantasy and everything that makes it up.

[cupcakemolotov]

Fall With You

I ended up pinch hitting for the exchange! It was fun, if slightly wild 48 hours to put this together. Written for the lovely @queencarolinemikaelson​. I’m really glad you enjoyed it since it ended up being a fluff fest of roommate co-hab. Also a big thank you to @bellemorte180​ for putting this graphic together!

I put the first but under a cut, bit under a cut, but the full story is almost 9K, so the link to the story is at the bottom. :)

Summary: When life throws her a curve ball in the form of her good looking, yet moody roommate, Caroline takes it in stride as best she can. Her living situation was a favor, after all, and rent is anything but cheap in NYC. Its the part where she actually starts to like him that she can't quiet figure out how to manage. Lust was one thing, but feelings? 

Warnings: Alternate Universe; Alternate; Universe - Human; Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates; Minor Character Death; not otp; Family Drama; Family Dynamics; Fluff and Humor; Domestic Fluff; Tooth-Rotting Fluff; Mild Smut; Human Caroline Forbes; Human Klaus Mikaelson; Living Room Picnics; Wine; Dates That Aren't Dates; They Could Really Get Their Shit Together Faster; but not really; Making Out; Some petting; NSFW just to be safe            

It was almost three am, her feet were killing her, and her key was stuck in her front door.

Seriously, what was with her luck today? The door had always been finicky, but until earlier this week the lock had been behaving itself. It’d gone from not wanting to turn properly to straight up mutiny in four days. It was an easy fix, unlike the door, but it also required a trip to the store and she just hadn’t had time. Amazon could have delivered the powdered graphite, but she was on a budget and believed in shopping local.

Her two year savings plan to finish her degree would not manifest itself if she bought things simply because they were convenient.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Caroline seriously considered just leaning up against the door jam and spending the night outside. It was early summer, and the air had cooled to a balmy sixty-five degrees, leaving the usually stifling hallway almost comfortable. If only she didn’t smell so heavily of beer. Shifting her weight, she winced as her shoes squelched, a reminder of the truly spectacular ending to her night. Her eight hour shift had almost doubled when the night shift manager had called in sick. Usually that wouldn’t have been a problem, but the only other person with keys was out of town leaving Caroline holding the bag to close.

She knew from experience that she had about an hour before she crashed, the rush from kicking out the lingering guests who had been clearly on an epic brawl crawl having mostly faded after the hour long subway ride home. Right then, the only thing keeping her upright was the fact that she was starving, her dinner had been rushed and only half eaten, and the knowledge that if she made it into her apartment she had the next two days off. Tomorrow she could sleep in, and if she was really lucky, her roommate’s night had gone well enough he could be coaxed into making pancakes.

Cheered by the thought, Caroline dug out her cell phone from the backpack she’d slung over her shoulder and checked it for a response. She hadn’t been sure if Klaus had beaten her home or if he was still out celebrating, but either way, he hadn’t bothered to respond yet. Her lips compressed into a thin line.

Usually, she could depend on Klaus to be awake when she finished a night shift, her roommates' hours were only reliable on how sporadic they were and depending on her schedule, hers weren’t much better. But with his big event tonight, she had no idea what he had decided to do. Honestly, would it kill the man to respond to her texts?

She’d expected him to ignore her rapidly typed apology and well wishes she’d sent in-between bites of food. Klaus wasn’t particularly good at handling sentiment of any kind and supremely anti-emoji, and she’d made a point to send several of them. She’d hoped it’d give him something to be annoyed about that wasn’t his evening plans. He needed to schmooze, and a scowl-y Klaus would not accomplish that at all.

He could be charming, when he wanted to be. She’d seen it. He just didn’t deploy full dimples unless he wanted something. Her reminders the night before that he needed to earn his half of the rent without getting carpal tunnel hadn't impressed him.

Too bad. She’d been right, and he’d known it.

He had mentioned a couple of his friends were trying to talk him into drinks afterwards, back when she had thought she might be able to join him. Usually, she would be thrilled that he was getting out and actually seeing people instead of trying to live off granola bars and tea. But right then she really wanted him to be home and grumpy so he could unlock the door. She wondered if texting Marcel with an S.O.S would be rude?

Things were a lot less complicated when she only liked Klaus for the rent he helped cover. Wanting him home, even just for a lock-related emergency wasn’t a thought she would have had even six months ago. Klaus was not what one would label as a comfortable roommate for most of the time. He was far too prickly for that, and he could be snarly in the mornings. Which fair, so could she, but the moodiness. Caroline hadn’t been one to spend much time around the art scene, either at Uni or in high school, but she’d spent the last year learning that there was a lot to be said about artistic temperaments, most of it unflattering.

She was fairly certain Klaus had been born a contrary grump, his winning personality had nothing to do with his chosen profession, she could certainly see how he’d been drawn to the lifestyle, talent aside. Most people immediately laughed off his acerbic tongue once they learned he was an artist, his behavior brushed aside as temperamental. His goods certainly helped his cause, and his accent added a layer of charm that otherwise might not have existed.

She was not so forgiving.

The first few months of their co-hab had not been easy. Klaus was messy, absent minded, and had ruined three of her towels with paint splatter before she’d blown her lid. The apartment was small enough that avoiding each other was nearly impossible, and her preferred kind of stress relief had to be timed for when she was alone, and so they’d been forced to deal with their annoyances. To Klaus’ credit, while he’d been snappish in return, he’d somehow managed to keep a lid on the worst of his temper.

They’d argued, multiple times, they were both stubborn and used to being right, but they’d eventually found some kind of middle ground. Snapping had softened into bickering, and Caroline had stopped nitpicking him about his notebooks being spread across the house and the incorrect way he rolled his toothpaste, and he stopped leaving towels on the floor and made a point to contain his absentminded mess to his room.

And then they started to talk, sometimes about work, sometimes about art, and she’d realized she kind of liked him as a person. She’d started dragging him to her group lunches on her days off, much to Rebekah’s despair, and they might have become something like friends. Except for the part where every so often, she’d look at him and something about the way he stood, the angle of his jaw or the line of his throat left her wanting to jump his bones.

It was really frustrating, when her existence didn’t even seem to phase him.

So she’d done her best to ignore whatever that little spark was between them when it flared up, and not upset the status quo. Because the past year had been better than she could have imagined. Before her mom had died, she would never have considered the life she found herself living now as a good one.

She’d just wrapped her third year at NYU, had exactly 24 hours of classes left before graduation, and had managed to wrangle her schedule so that her final semester would be a cake walk of classes. The cherry on top had been the kick ass internship she’d lined up for the summer. Her five year plan was perfectly on track, her excellent grades gave her a shot at graduating with honors, and she couldn’t wait to show her mom around New York City from the eyes of a local. She’d spent three years putting together a binder, collecting menus from her favorite places to eat and brochures from all the museums and the jam packed tourists locations to offer her mom some variety.

Then she’d gotten that phone call that had thrown everything into a tale spin.

Blowing out a breath, Caroline bounced on her toes and debated best her course of action. She could probably get her key out of the lock if she was very careful, though the past twenty minutes said her luck wasn’t great, Forbes women were nothing if not stubborn, but there was also a chance she would break the key off in the lock and she could already see the little smirk on Klaus’ face if she did. Her hand tightened on the strap of her backpack. He still hadn’t forgiven her for being far more comfortable with power tools than he was and her perfectly reasonable gloating probably hadn’t helped much, if she was honest.

She kind of didn’t regret it. Poking Klaus sizable ego was a favorite past time of hers, and he seemed to enjoy their back and forth as much as she did. Her mental tally had her up two points this month, and she wanted to keep her lead.

Unfortunately, things weren’t really going in her favor just then. Sighing, Caroline tucked her phone back into her bag and admitted defeat. She’d have to figure this one out herself. Either Klaus’ event had run long and he had actually taken her advice to schmooze people or he was home and had drunk enough that he was sleeping like the dead.

Either of those options would not help her now.

Her best bet now was to go and eat a giant piece of pie, drink her weight in caffeine, and trudge her way to the little mom and pop shop that sold a little of everything, including graphite, once it became a reasonable hour. She’d fix her lock and then crash for the following eight hours of hopefully uninterrupted sleep, and leave a very pointed sticky note on the coffee pot so Klaus knew not to disturb her.

Satisfied with the makings of her plan, she shifted her backpack to her other shoulder, mentally reviewing the pie menu, and paused when the elevator dinged from behind her. Sliding her teeth between her lip, Caroline turned and blew out a breath when she recognized the tumble of ruffled curls stepping into the hall. The hallway was dimly lit, so it took a moment for her brain to really understand what else she was seeing.

Klaus was wearing a tux.

Logically, she’d known he was going to be wearing one. His event that night had been important, his work had finally made it into a gallery tonight and it was a Big Deal. His first real show outside of the fancy art school he had attended, and he had spent months fretting over his work and brooding silently in his room as nothing met his incredibly exacting standards. Klaus had even brought home a couple of canvas to work in the questionable light of his bedroom instead of the small studio space he and five other artists pooled their money to share.

Much to her annoyance.

No amount of febreeze really removed the scent of acrylics and turpentine, and she’d been worried if she tried to burn her stash of scented candles something would catch on fire. She’d held her tongue though, because Klaus was never nervous. He was in fact annoyingly difficult to rattle even in the most ridiculous of situations, the man had absolutely no shame, and the way he’d almost jittered had been weird and kind of enduring. Since he’d seen her in numerous states of frantic and alarmed, it was nice for things to end up on a little more even ground for once. She’d done her best to force him to eat something that looked like actual food every so often, and tried to stay quiet when she knew he was working in his bedroom.

She’d even helped him pick out the tuxedo from the catalogue he’d brought home from the store he had planned to rent from. There was a fancy evening gown that she’d rented hanging in her closet that Caroline had planned to wear to go with him before work had made that impossible. But knowing all that, and actually seeing him in that tux were not nearly the same thing.

Caroline blinked rapidly. Her paint speckled roommate, with his surly attitude and annoying dimples, was wearing a tux. And he looked really, really good. He’d undone his tie so it hung loosely around his neck, and his jacket was loose and unbuttoned around his waist, his curls still somewhat tamed along his forehead. Something very much like arousal jolted through her as he looked up, the low light highlighting the scruff along his jaw and the length of his neck. For a moment, he just stared at her, as surprised as she and then his head tipped and his brow arched, lips tugging up at the corners.

“Waiting on me?”

The rest can be found here: A03

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

I have a silly Napoleon ask for you: if he suddenly woke up in the present day what do you think he would a)like most about it b) like least about it c)get unreasonably addicted to d)decide to do for a living

hahah I’ve answered a similar one before here and here. 

Most Like About It: A lot, I think. Central heating. Guys, he’d fucking love central heating.

In general, he’d love most technological advances. Cars, planes, trains etc. like he’d be very into that. “Bertrand we’re going to ride the TGV all day every day. Look at how fast we are going! This is genius.” 

“Bertrand WE ARE IN THE SKY. This is AMAZING. We are going from Paris to Rome in a matter of HOURS. HOURS BERTRAND. WE DON’T HAVE TO CROSS MOUNTAINS.” (sorry just assuming this is exile Napoleon who woke up in modern day.) 

Public transit in general - the metro, buses - anything that makes life more efficient for people. Dishwasher, washers/dryers, modern electricity, laptops, printers, ball point pens etc. 

I suspect he’d be a big supporter of public health care and all the advances made on vaccines and medicine in general. 100% would hate anti-vaxxers. Pro-modern glasses (he’d get himself a pair asap. Then they’d explain contacts to him and I think he’d be like “WAIT NO, I WANT THOSE.” He would not be into lasik, I suspect). 

Modern hygiene! Razors, tooth brushes, floss, moisturizer - general daily body care he’d probably be keen on. (All that stuff we take for granted.) Though maybe not all of it, he was quite traditional in certain things (his penchant for older fashion, par exemple). Maybe he’d keep the old straight razor shaving approach. But modern dentistry would be a huge improvement and I can’t see him being against it. Especially as someone who had a tooth extracted in the early 19th century. 

‘Oh they give you pain killers now? Fantastic.’ 

‘Sir, we just numb the area where we are doing the work.’ 

‘So it doesn’t impede my awareness? Amazing. Please, fix all my teeth right now.’ 

He’d also support the greater access to education that exists, especially compared to his day. Also, streaming services. He would binge so many things. ‘Bertrand we are watching every thing this very soothing sounding British naturalist made about planet earth. Holy shit look at that they’re under water! They’re at the bottom of the ocean! Bertrand look at this. if only Josephine were here. She’d be so excited.’ 

Pro-zoom/Microsoft teams/facetime etc. 100%. ‘If I had this instead of people relying on my bad handwriting ...’ 

Oh, he’d like the EU as a concept. Except he would be very disappointed that France wasn’t at the helm. I think France’s position globally would disappoint him, overall. But yeah, the broad principles espoused by the concept of the European Union would appeal to him. 

Brexit though. Lol. I think he’d enjoy watching England shoot itself in the foot. But if you asked him for his opinion, as in “do you think the UK should do this” he would answer no. They should remain. 

He would like globalization, trade agreements, things like NAFTA, CETA etc. Supporter of big government. Reduction of religion in public sphere. Though would he be pro-banning visual manifestations of faith? (i.e. Hijab etc.) I don’t know. I doubt it. Simply because he was very focused on religion in government, so if churches aren’t involved in decision making, what citizens get up to on their own is their business (so long as you don’t cause problems). But I don’t know, he might be pro-it, because he was also into assimilation and creating a broad sense of a French culture. I could see him really going either way on it. It’d probably come down to whatever he thought would garner the most public support as a political move (since a lot of his more liberal moves as a leader were tied to understanding that marginalized communities would gun hard for him if he helped them). 

He would be pro-mask wearing for COVID because he wasn’t a fucking idiot and lived in a time when pandemics were still a real going concern. 

He would also probably like how comfortable modern clothing is. I don’t think he’d like how cheap and made-to-wear-out that most brands are, but he’d like the over all philosophy. Like Napoleon would dig t-shirts. Lounge wear. The fact that jeans have some stretch in them. That sort of thing. 

-- 

Least Like: I think he’d be very wary of the internet. For many reasons. For the lack of government control (Napoleon “What is a free press? never heard of her” Bonaparte). But also, because of the misinformation problems. The side effects many of us are now bearing witness to, and experiencing the ramifications of. 

He would dislike the whole fake news nonsense. Oh this man was a master spin-doctor, very good at twisting a narrative around to suit him, but he still did have respect for and a firm belief in basic facts. Especially fake news that usurped the sound advise of scientists and doctors (i.e. COVID nonsense). 

Free press, I think he would be wary of it. Mostly from a government control perspective. Like as a day-to-day citizen, since he wouldn’t be anyone in power in this hypothetical, I think he’d value it. He would do that disassocative thing he did when he talked about things in the abstract. That cold, calculating way he would position himself in a situation and be like “Ah yes, these are the things that need to be tamped down if you want control of a populace as a monarch”. Then he had his more liberal, call-back-to-that-misspent-jacobin-youth moments where his views shifted. 

I suppose it would also depend what age this hypothetical Napoleon is. He softened a lot in retirement exile. Napoleon at the height of his power, thirty-odd years old, different man to fifty year old Napoleon. 

Would not be into women in politics. He’d be like ‘Why is there a woman in charge of Germany? Also what happened to the Habsburgs? Where’s Prussia? Silesia? What the FuCk is happening in the Balkans? I’m very confused about Europe’s current geographic layout. ...Corsica...still doing you, I see.’ 

He’d dislike Trump and his cronies. As I wrote before: “ I think Napoleon would find Trump disgusting on a personal level. Uneducated, incapable of holding a real conversation, gauche, anti-intellectual, anti-fact-based discussion, anti-science, anti-art etc. He’d also feel that Trump is disgracing the position of President and that he is unworthy of leadership. Napoleon would also find Trump physically repulsive as he could be a wee bit shallow in some of his assessments (though, very early modern to 19th century to assume your physical appearance is a manifestation of your interiority).” 

Steve Bannon’s fiddling with finances? Napoleon would find that repulsive. Mitch Mcconnell disgracing his office by fucking around with constitutional loop holes? Napoleon would think it a disgrace. 

He had a lot of respect for America’s experiment with democracy. Like, quite a lot of respect. So I think he’d be vastly disappointed in not only the person occupying the white house, but also a lot of the apathy in voting that is going around. (Yes, this coming from a [mostly] absolutest monarch, too.) But Napoleon valued and respected the notion of civic duty. If you live in a democracy, you have a duty to participate. To opt out is to shirk that duty which he would find insulting and distasteful. Because, I would argue, he was very much a believer in people doing right by their fellow citizens. 

--

Get unreasonably addicted to: MODERN BATHS. HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE THE BATHTUB. THEY CAN HAVE JETS AND EVERYTHING BERTRAND THIS IS GREAT. 

Also central heating. Saunas. Jacuzzis. He was like a wee lizard seeking warmth at all times. 

I think he’d be into driving. I don’t know if he would be good at it. Don’t let Napoleon take the wheel, guys. But if someone else was driving he’d be that person “go faster. you’re driving like my grandmother.” And gods, he’d do dumb shit like drive like a maniac around the arc de triumph six times in a row because he’s an adrenaline junkie and a risk-taker (it’s that bored ADD brain of his). The autobahn would be his dream. 

I think he’d be super into epic fantasy series. Like the big sweeping ones like Lord of the Rings. I think less so GRRM because GRRM is unrealistic and Napoleon is pedantic. Especially about politics and war. Exhibit A: consider Napoleon’s very detailed nitpicking of Virgil on his inaccurate rendition of Troy from a military perspective. Therefore, I suspect GRRM’s lack of accuracy in how society works, how war works, how politics works, all the plot holes and illogical character decisions, would drive him up the wall. Napoleon liked Homer because he could tell Homer had been to war. And you can tell Tolkien has been to war. Also LOTR hits all those notes of high-hearted emotion and big sweeping scenes that Napoleon so liked in Ossian and the Illiad etc.

All this to say, overall, as a genre, I think those big, sweeping fantasies with lots of plot, politics, intrigue, soaring battles, great heights of emotion - he’d love that. It would hit all of his buttons for what he liked in fiction. Lots of emotion, lots of action, lots of big scenes, lots of crazy shenanigans. This can also be applied to Sci-fi. I think he’d be a big nerd on that too. But the science would have to make sense. 

I think he’d be into Star Trek, particularly Picard, if only for the philosophical aspects of it. He liked those sorts of questions and hypotheticals. So I think he’d binge all of The Next Generation (among other seasons). 

--

Do for a living: Teach? God knows. This is Napoleon from 18-something who just woke up? He could be paid for consultant work for historians and film crews and the like, I guess. Just to tell them how accurate stuff is. Of course, be wary, this is Napoleon I Am A Spin Doctor Bonaparte. 

I think he could lean into writing histories - particularly the classics, early French and European history - that sort of thing, where he already has a strong background in it and it wouldn’t require him basically learning an entirely new trade. Like, will Napoleon ever fully be a natural with computers and cell phones? Probably not. Could he be like your old school Professor emeritus who still churns out papers and does 90% of it the old fashioned by-hand way? Yes. And Napoleon had a bunch of histories planned on St. Helena that he wanted to write, so I think he could do that. 

As this is literally Napoleon Bonaparte he’d get a book deal in seconds. There’d be a bidding war over it. 

--

Thank you for the ask! This was very amusing :D 

[jamr0ck83]

If Nobody is Racist, Then Who Exactly is Keeping Systemic Racism Going?

Everybody seems quick to insist that they’re not the ones who are racist.  So, then who is?  If it’s only the people you say, then why are we like this as a country?

Recently, someone with which I somewhat briefly attended grad school for education (And no, I don’t want to talk about what happened with that whole endeavor) posted the following image to their Facebook profile.

On its face, it seems like a completely reasonable and acceptable statement, and as such, it was generating some likes.  At the time I first saw it, I think there were 6.  But before I, too, submitted my approval of this image, I thought a little more about it, and its implications.  And I realized that I didn’t really agree with it.  I knew the person who posted it had no ill intentions, and I think they even found the image on the profile of another POC.  But the more I reread the sign featured, the more I was sure that it was not a true statement.  I knew that my stance was not going to garner nearly as many likes or other accolades as if I had posted a phrase like “Black Lives Matter”, which at this point, it seems like all reasonable people are able to agree that they do (or at least it’s the obvious appropriate thing to say in this moment).  I knew I might receive some pushback or criticism, and while that did admittedly make me nervous, I knew that I needed to speak up in this way and in this moment.  And I was willing to deal with whatever consequences came my way.  I decided it was that important for me to make a case for a diverging opinion.  So, I typed out the reply below and posted it.

I want to agree with this, but I'm not sure if I do. Please hear me out. It is entirely possible to be a Trump supporter and not be a person who has ever uttered a racial epithet or been otherwise explicitly or overtly racist. However, I do believe that there are degrees of racism, and if you're someone who has responded that "all lives matter" or "blue lives matter" when another person asserts that black lives matter, I would argue that you are on the spectrum of holding onto or entertaining some form of racist ideology. If you watched the video of George Floyd having his life choked out of him and then watched the footage of riots from that first night in Minneapolis and thought "It's a shame that guy died, but what they're doing now is uncalled for", this might indicate that you prioritize law and order (no matter how unjustly they are being enforced) over the life of a man whose only transgression was that he was black, and that, too, places you on that spectrum of racism. Racism isn't always waving a confederate flag and yelling at POCs to go back to where they came from. Sometimes, it's knowing that the politician you support will turn a blind eye to or even praise people who march around with tiki torches yelling, "Jews will not replace us" and wanting to vote for him anyway. Sometimes, it's hearing black people beg to have full access to the citizenship rights that are due them but deciding it's more important for you to vote for the guy who advocates for you to keep your semiautomatic rifle. If you are deciding that your wants (not needs) have priority over the humanity of POCs, then I would argue that you are on the spectrum of racism. And that demands some self-reflection. Complicity is part of what makes racism so destructive. What's the point of knowing better if you refuse to hold others accountable for doing better?

And then I waited.  I waited for blowback.  I waited for pushback.  I waited for agreement.  I waited for literally anything anybody might feel compelled to say.  But the only feedback I received was a single “like” whereas the post itself had garnered six additional since the posting of my comment.  So, people obviously disagreed with my stance but couldn’t bring themselves to make that known in any kind of direct fashion.  And frankly, that concerns me.  A great deal, in fact.  And there are a couple of reasons why.

Firstly, and this is something of which I was starting to become more aware even months before the death of George Floyd and these subsequent protests, white people are very quick to assert that they, themselves, are not racist.  They are also quick to assert that most people who look like them are not racist.  According to them, hardly anybody is really, truly racist.  But if that’s actually true, then why is this country such an absolute mess, and why have we been that way for centuries?  It’s as if the term “racist” is being reserved for truly egregious and over-the-top cases.  And everything else is just the way people are.  White people seem to have a very specific and narrow idea of what racism looks and sounds like, and that allows them to never truly have to consider whether they, themselves, might be racist.  Or if their family members are racist.  Or if the politicians they actively support are racist.  Under their definition of that word, it barely applies to anyone. And as a black woman who considers herself knowledgeable of both history and current affairs, I will confidently say that this is wrong.  

I have had people who cloak themselves under the banner of liberalism say some things to me that would make me raise an eyebrow if I knew at all how to move that particular facial muscle. And no, it’s not the times when the racial epithets and slurs are used that I feel compelled to do this.  It’s actually the times when I’ve made some sort of assertion about the impact of oppression on the lives of black people today, and I am met with sentiments such as “It’s not fair that we keep getting blamed for everything” or “You weren’t a slave, so the legacy of that institution doesn’t create any modern-day problems for you” or “Slavery ended over a hundred years ago, so why do you keep wanting to bring it up? Why can’t we all just move on?  Life is hard enough”. (That last phrase is a direct quote from a white woman who replied to something I said on Instagram regarding the role that white women have historically played in the role of oppressing black bodies.  She objected to my assertion that this is an issue that is rarely discussed, because dwelling on it would cause white women to feel discomfort, and that is in direct opposition to this silent societal code we all seem to follow that says that we must do whatever we can to prevent white women from feeling uncomfortable.  Ironically, she was shutting my argument down, because it made her uncomfortable.) Also, I’ve been told that the ways in which I have experienced oppression throughout my life just aren’t true, that I must be mistaken and that I am making something be all about race when it’s not about race at all.  And finally, I’ve been told the oldie but goodie “I don’t see color; I just see people”.

To the people that are brave enough to read this right now, I will submit to you that these statements and sentiments all reek of racism.  Every single one of them.  And every single person who uttered these phrases would have gone to the grave denying that they could be considered racist.  And sorry, people who made these statements, but this assertion by you would be wholly incorrect.  By so narrowly defining what racism is, we have given many people permission to absolve themselves from any responsibility for how it continues to thrive in American society. Nobody needs to look inward; nobody has to come to terms with any mindsets they might harbor that are truly problematic. And if nobody is willing to deal with anything or even acknowledge it, how are we going to change anything?  If we can’t even recognize and talk about what racism is, how are we going to put an end to it?  And the short answer is, we’re not.

My second concern is that, while it seemed like almost no one who saw my comment agreed with it, no one felt compelled to say anything, give any sort of reason for WHY they disagreed with it.  Maybe it’s because I’m black that they felt like they should just let me get on my soapbox and say what I needed to say, and that would be their form of allyship (even though at the end of the day, them doing this was just a dismissal of everything I said so they could go on with their lives, which kind of flies in the face of being an ally).  When these protests first started, I think many black people were reasonably skeptical about the degree to which we could rely on non-black allyship for the duration of however long we needed it.  We wondered if the outrage and fervor exhibited was sustainable.  And we wondered if white allies, specifically, were truly willing to endure discomfort if it would eventually lead to the advancement of our movement.  And I hate to say it, but I feel like the instance of this post about racism and who it applies to gave me substantial reason to believe that they are not.  The fact that there are people aligning themselves publicly to the BLM movement who are already seemingly unwilling to settle in their discomfort in order to be a more effective agent of change greatly concerns me.  It indicates to me that for some people (not all, but some) a lot of what’s going on right now is an exercise for them in anti-racism theater.  To put it simply and bluntly, they are not “in it to win it”, because “winning it” requires that they sacrifice more comfort than they are ready to do.  And while that’s certainly not everybody who calls themselves an ally, I worry that it represents a substantial number of people who we are currently relying on as allies who really aren’t.  And when they start drifting away from the protests and the posting of hashtags because this movement is no longer the fun, new thing we’re all doing, the people who remain are going to have to pick up the slack and work even harder to account for their absence.

To be clear, I’m not trying to knock anyone who wants to be an ally or make it seem like I want to nitpick at everyone and that there isn’t anything that any non-black ally can do that would truly please me.  If that’s what you are thinking now as you read this, I would implore you to reconsider. Because that perspective is one that stems directly from the notion that we are trying to hurt people’s feelings. It stems from this idea that it is our responsibility to make our white allies feel good about what they are doing right now so that they will continue to feel encouraged, or else they will walk away.  But this movement is not about pacifying white people’ feelings, whether they consider themselves to be allies or not.  We are not here to make you comfortable.  We are here to seek the justice that we are due.  We are here to seek the rights of citizenship that we have been routinely denied.  We are here to put an end to systemic racism.  Catering to allies’ feelings is nowhere on that list.  It’s not even a close fourth.  We need people to put their own individual feelings aside (discomfort, guilt, or whatever else) and help do what needs to be done.

And I realize this might be a harsh reality check, I do, because I know that many black Americans have spent a significant portion of their lives doing whatever they could to make white people comfortable.  During slavery, we performed their backbreaking hard labor so they wouldn’t have to but could still reap the financial benefits.  In modern times, many of us deliberately hold back a lot of ourselves in white people’s presence, because it’s always been an expectation that successful black people who have properly assimilated in the larger American society need to make sure that nothing we do resembles anything that might make them remember that we are not the same color.  For many black women, this means stifling their voices and hiding their frustrations, because nobody wants to deal with an angry black woman.  For many black men, this might mean being keenly and constantly aware of their physical stature and proximity to other people, because they don’t want anyone to find them intimidating in any way.  I think white people take these acts for granted because we’ve always done them, but they are not “just the way we are” or “just the way we like to be”.  They are a series of survival skills that we have been forced to adhere to, because to refrain from doing so would allow others to perceive as people they’d rather not deal with, if possible.  That means, we wouldn’t be the ones who get into the good school or get the good job or even get to keep our lives.

I have been deemed a quiet person my entire life, and while some of that is due to my genuine introverted nature, the majority is supplemented by the fact that, in most situations, if I am given the choice between being the quiet and unassuming black girl who nobody really has a problem with or the more vocal and passionate black woman that asserts herself but then has to deal with the consequences of nobody really wanting to be around her, I choose the former.  And I started choosing it at a very young age; I was definitely still in elementary school.  It starts that early.  Because we know that early.  We know that this country was not designed with us in mind unless it was to depend on our labor or our ability to entertain.  We know that the system is literally rigged against us in such ways that, if we were to inform white people of all those facets of oppression, they would accuse us of being paranoid.  Actually, that is precisely what happens when we try to tell people about our experiences of being black in America.  There are a lot of people out there who are masterful at gaslighting and being utterly dismissive of our struggles.  And that is a response that is literally for the sole purpose of driving the other person to the point of insanity.  So, for the most part, we stopped telling you things, because you weren’t really listening, anyway.  And we realized that, if we were going to make it in this country, then we really did have to work twice as hard, be twice as amiable in demeanor, and twice as resilient. Was that fair, for that to be put on us? Of course not.  But we shouldered that burden.  Because what was the alternative?  So, we did it, and we’ve done it fairly quietly for a very long time.

But we’re tired.  And we’re angry.  Because no matter what we do, people keep killing us for little to no reason and then justify it to say that we must have done something to deserve it. “Well, you should’ve known that wearing a hoodie makes you look threatening.”  “A toy gun could look a lot like a real gun, so that’s an honest mistake on the officer’s part.” “Oh, wait.  You were minding your own business sitting in your apartment when somebody shot you?  Well, were you really living beyond reproach and therefore entitled to keep your life? You sure you’ve never done anything wrong? Don’t you smoke weed sometimes?”  These are the ways people have justified our deaths.  And I would argue that all those statements and sentiments are couched in racism.  All of them. None of it is okay, and it all needs to end.  And we need everyone we can get to commit to joining us in this fight.  But if you’re really going to sit there and maintain the party line that racists are really few in number and that you, the non-black ally, don’t need to consider the ways in which you might harbor some racist ideology, then you’re not ready to be an ally.  And you can’t help us.  And you won’t help us.  Because as soon as things get a little less trendy or a little more uncomfortable, you will prioritize that over our humanity.  And that, in itself, is pretty damn racist.

[royaltealovingkookiness]

What do you think about Combustion man/sparky sparky boom man? Was he actually relevant or necessary for the book 3 plot? Was it even in character for Zuko to hire an assassin to go after avatar & co?

How much time you got? In short, I HATE with a fiery, burning passion everything about him.

Oh, did you ask why? I’m gonna tell you anyways…

Me, rubbing my hands before Book 3: I’m really looking forward to Book: Fire. I can’t wait to see something about the government and the politics of the Fire Nation, like we did with the others. And the fire siblings. Their relationship is so fascinating and full of contradictions, I love it. And the dangerous ladies. Can we get into that particular hot-mess? This should be good. 

Bryke: That’s boring. You know what would be cool? A guy that can make explosions with his forehead. I even have just the character-design.

Me: But the entire character makes no sense. He has no name, no background. He’s so powerful that the master-of-three elements Avatar, the greatest earthbender and a bloodbending waterbender can’t somehow deal with him? They even have a boomerang-and-space-sword-wielding plan-making genius? All you have to do is get behind the guy’s back…

Bryke: I know. Third-eye Explosions! Boom! Boom! That’s totally LIT!

Me: it also doesn’t really make sense for Zuko’s character. He immediately regretted his betrayal of Iroh and is very conflicted all the way home. He seems pretty bummed by his meeting with dear dad and that nothing is like he imagined it would be. And anyways, we saw him being compassionate and never really having the stomach for killing and violence. And he’s super-obsessed with honor. HONOR. HONOOOOOR! Hiring an assassin just seems kind of out of character. 

Bryke: Can’t hear you. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

Me: And how does Zuko know this guy anyways? He just goes around the palace asking for assassin-recommendations? Or are you telling me, he always knew about him and could have just hired him way back in Book 1 instead of running around?

Bryke: It’s a kid show. Nobody will ask these questions. They’ll be too amazed with the EXPLOSIONS. And Zuko is DARK now and EDGY. Don’t you get the chiiiillz?

Me: Wouldn’t it make sense for Zuko to try to investigate himself every strange incident instead? I know… he could snoop around finding reports and getting more worried. If you want a cool design, make him the Blue Spirit again. That was great. He could maybe even beg an assignment investigating that factory Katara destroyed. I think it would be pretty cool if he realized immediately what had happened, and would be forced to cover it up, so Ozai doesn’t realize the Avatar is alive. And this way he could even meet Fire Nation commoners and see that the war didn’t particularly serve them well either. I mean if you plan to make him Fire Lord at the end of the series, wouldn’t it be meaningful for him to see the Fire Nation in its stark reality?

Bryke: Don’t worry. We got this. Zuko will be conflicted. He’ll brood. Even his hair will brood. It will be proper emo-length. And he’ll go to a beach party. Don’t you want to see a Fire Nation teenage beach party? It looks exactly like an American teenage beach party except everyone wears red. And there will be fire. E-X-P-L-O-S-I-O-N-S. BAAAM. That’s edgy.

Me:  But once Zuko realizes that he wants to be good and join the Avatar wouldn’t he just call off the entire assignment? It’s pretty anti-climatic.

Bryke: (*evil whisper) You cannot un-hire Sparky-Sparky-Boom Man.

Me: Why not? That makes no sense whatsoever. And you are not calling him that?

Bryke: Sure we are. It’s funny. Or maybe Combustion Man? Hmm, both are very cool. Anyways, then Zuko will swing in and Boom-Boom Man will almost kill him. BOOM-BOOM-EXPLOOOOOOOSIONS!!!!!

Me: Why would he want to kill Zuko? Isn’t Zuko paying him?

Bryke: Why are you nitpicking here? Combustion Man is not very smart. He just goes BOOM. The kids will love it. It’s fun action.

Me: Uhhm, OK. But if Boom Boom man is so dumb, how did he manage to come up with that whole trap for Katara and Toph in The Runaway?

Bryke: That was like six episodes ago? Who remembers that shit anymore? I know, we can add more booms and Sokka with his boomerang and the guy self-explodes. Boom Man is BOOM-eranged to death. It’s hilarious? Get it?

Me: Well… At least he’s dead. Let’s never ever mention him. Let’s forget he ever existed.  I’m so psyched about Zuko finally joining the Gaang. I waited 52 episodes for this….I’m not gonna let friggin’ Sparky-Sparky-BOOM-man ruin it. 

FIVE YEARS LATER…

Bryke: Hmmmm. Need some cool villains for this season. I know, I know!!!!… do you remember the best one we had? That guy with the exploding head???? I must have that drawing on the computer somewhere….

Me: No. No. that’s not your best villain. Remember Azula? She was great, smart, funny, chilling, tragic, great firebending, lots of booms. Or if you want someone with less high- profile, how about Long Feng, or Zhao or Hama?

Bryke: But do any of them have exploding heads???? No. You see? Sparky-Sparky-Boom-man, but this time we’ll make it a WOMAN. That’s originial. That’s representation. That’s progressive.

Me: Didn’t we say, we’ll never talk about this entire assassin-plot again? It was after all so OOC for Zuko.

Bryke:

X

Me: 

[dead-inside-mcgee]

Beyond that Door Chapter 4

A ladder

Yes I do write stuffs

Summary: On one hand, free clothing sounded great. On the other hand, Chase’s growing romantic feelings did not muffle his paranoia at all. On the third hand, this sounded kind of like charity, and Chase didn’t need or want any of that, nor did he really feel like he deserved it. And on the fourth hand, which at this point there are far too many hands, if this man could just offer to do something like that, without a hint of anxiety, then that probably meant he was fairly financially stable. And financial stability was on Chase’s top ten for most attractive traits.

Warnings: implied sexual content, mentions of murder

Taglist: @rabbitsartcorner @caori-azarath @murder-schmurder

Chase blinked his eyes open, trying to remember where he was. He was watching a movie, the parents were looking over old pictures and discovered that their daughter's ghost was actually in some of the pictures, other than the ones the son photoshopped her in.

  Chase smiled to himself. He’d have to watch that movie again when he wasn’t on a not-date with a criminal. What happened after that? 

  The credits rolled. He was about to make some excuse to leave. Anti was talking about something. He started pouring a glass of wine....

  The bathroom door opened, flooding the room with light and steam as Anti stepped out in just a towel. 

  ”Oh!” he said with a bright smile. “I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up. I suppose I can’t blame you considering the work out you gave me.” He chuckles lightheartedly.

  Chase blushed, suddenly aware of the fact that he didn’t have a shirt on. Last night came flashing back to him in a series of images, like someone made a shitty PowerPoint presentation about it. He covers his face in the blanket in embarrassment, earning another light chuckle from Anti. 

  Chase couldn’t help but peak out while Anti was dressing. Despite all the paranoia and suspension he had surrounding the man, he did find him quite attractive. And if last night was anything to go off of, the feeling was mutual. 

  Maybe Anti wasn’t the weird supervillain in Chase’s mind. Maybe the strange man he saw at the building was someone else, he only really got a glimpse...

  Chase’s wandering thoughts of possible romance were torn from him by the malicious hands of capitalism. 

  “Oh fuck I’m late for work!” 

  “Actually-” Anti started, grabbing Chase’s arm before he could bolt out the door in just his slipping pants “-a pipe burst, flooding a large part of the first few floors in sewage. Work is closed for a few days for repairs.” He led him over to his laptop, showing him the email explaining that in forty times the word count. 

  Chase sighed in relief. “Oh, thank god.” 

  “So. Since we have a couple of days free, how would you like to go shopping with me? I will pay for everything, and not to be rude, but you really need more clothing. I’ve noticed you’ve worn the same grey shirt ten times in a row.” 

  “Actually, I bought a pack of twelve grey shirts.” He said, putting grey shirt number eleven back on. “It was on sale.” 

  “I honestly feel like that makes it worse.” 

  On one hand, free clothing sounded great. On the other hand, Chase’s growing romantic feelings did not muffle his paranoia at all. On the third hand, this sounded kind of like charity, and Chase didn’t need or want any of that, nor did he really feel like he deserved it. And on the fourth hand, which at this point there are far too many hands, if this man could just offer to do something like that, without a hint of anxiety, then that probably meant he was fairly financially stable. And financial stability was on Chase’s top ten for most attractive traits. 

  He whimpered, talking a step back. It felt like he was between a rock and a hard place, and Chase’s claustrophobia made him want to panic. And then a fifth hand popped up to ask a question. What about Marvin?

  In the pure anxiety of last night and the confusing morning, Marvin had completely slipped his mind. The poor witch was probably worried sick.

  “I’m sorry!” He made his way for the front door. “I promised a friend I would hang out with them last night and they’re probably worried sick that I never showed up.” He didn’t wait for a response from Anti, simply running out.

  Panic set in. He should turn around. No, keep running. He didn’t think he could even face Marvin in this state. 

  He ran into his apartment, not even wondering why his front door was unlocked. 

***

Under every town there are tunnels. Whether they are made by animals like worms, moles, or crawfish. Or they’re made by time, like undiscovered caves. Or they’re made by secret organizations that use them to get around fast and to watch our every move. There are tunnels.

  Marvin discovered his own set of tunnels when he first came to this town, and later sealed off a certain part of it later to act as his base. 

  He used to enjoy wandering through the tunnels, drawing graffiti on the walls, and listening in to private conversations. He felt free in the tunnels. But tonight the tunnels felt suffocating. 

  “Where are we going?” Henrik asked timidly. He stumbled every few steps.

  “If they’ve captured Chase, then they probably know we’re looking into this conspiracy, which means my home isn’t safe.”

  “That does not quite answer my question.”

  Marvin didn’t have a good answer. 

  After an hour of walking and quietly swearing from Henrik, Marvin stopped and squeezed him through a small space that opened up into a large, musty room. It looked like a church. There were rows of pews, and the walls were lined with stained glass, which was odd because behind the stained glass windows was layers upon layers of dirt and rock. Like someone built a church in a giant pit, buried it, and forgot about it. 

  Neither of them could quite tell what the windows were depicting, and there were no recognizable religious symbols.

  “This place feels less safe.” Henrik squeaked. 

  “Don’t worry. I’ve never seen or heard anyone here. I’m not sure what this place is, but it’s abandoned.” Marvin laid down on a pew and curled up. 

  “How long do you plan on staying here?” 

  “A week at least. If they check my home, that might see I’m not there and it’ll be safe to return.” 

  There were holes in that plan, but Henrik wasn’t in the right headspace to nitpick it. He did not like it here. He really didn’t like it here. This place felt familiar, and that scared him more than anything.

  Exhaustion hit him hard. He curled up on the ground, which was only slightly more uncomfortable than the pews, and slept. 

  He had a dream. No not a dream. He remembered something.

 ***

It was Tuesday. He remembered that fact cearly. Tuesday the sixteenth, in September. Yesterday was his birthday. He was twenty-four now. 

  He was going shopping. He bought a new lab coat for work. He was a doctor, both of medical and of science. He also still struggled with English despite living in America for several years by now. 

  He meets a man with bright green hair and a smile that felt like the sun on earth. He introduces himself as Sèan, but tells him he goes by Jack.

  “How do you get Jack from Sèan?” he remembers asking. 

  “You don’t!” Jack said, patting him on the back. 

  Then it was evening, they were snuggled up on Jack’s couch, both wasted.

  “I wanna be someone someday!” Jack said loudly. “I want to be the person whose face appears on a billboard, and people can point at my face and say, “‘Hey, I know that guy!’”

  “You could be a model. You’ve got the face for it.” 

  “There’s no honor in being a model, though. I want to save people, not kill their self esteem.”

  “A cop then.”

  “No one likes cops, Henrik.” Jack said firmly, sounding sober for a moment. 

  “True…” He yawned, starting to feel tired. 

  “I want to be something bigger than that. Like a superhero. Maybe I could get into witchcraft.” 

  “You know witchcraft is illegal right?” 

  “Being a vigilante is illegal too, and people love vigilantes. Hey, maybe if I’m big enough and loud enough, I can get rid of the ban on witchcraft!” 

  Henrik giggled, nuzzling his hand. “I believe in you.”

  Jack nodded happily. Suddenly he jolted upright and almost knocked Henrik onto the floor. “Hey! Want to see something cool!”

  Jack led him to a manhole cover that had a thick numerical padlock on it. Jack put in the code 1010 and it popped off. 

  “Not a very secure code.” Henrik commented as Jack dragged him into the sewer. 

  “It’s so dumb that no one would guess it.” 

  “It smells like shit down here.” Henrik groaned. 

  “Yeah, that’d be the shit.” 

  Jack led him to an area where part of the wall seemed to be slightly broken. 

  “Look through the crack in the wall.” 

  Henik did so and he could faintly see a ladder going down. 

  Jack pulled on the wall slightly, making enough space for someone to squeeze in if they really tried. “I’ve never been brave enough to go see where it leads.” 

  Henrik was amazed. This was super cool. It may have been the alcohol clouding his judgement, but he squeezed past the wall and looked down. “Want to find out?” 

  Climbing a ladder drunk is not a smart thing to do, especially if you had no idea where said ladder leads. 

  After a few minutes of climbing, somehow Henrik and Jack made it to the ground without dying. The ladder led to a pair of large doors that looked like the entrance to a church. 

  The two glanced at each other before working together to push open the doors. Inside was eerily like a church. 

  “I don’t like it here.” Jack said, but continued walking into the church anyway. 

  Henrik stepped in and a wave of nausea washed over him. He fell forward, blacking out. That was the last thing Henrik remembered, but the dream continued. 

  Jack spun around, running to go check on him, but some invisible wall seemed to block him from getting any closer. 

  A voice cackled. It was raspy and sounded broken almost. A man appeared. He looked exactly like Jack but wrong. Like someone tried to draw him from memory. There was also a giant cut on this person’s neck. 

  Jack stumbled back and leaned on the invisible wall. “Don't come any closer!” 

  “I won’t, I won’t.” The demon, Jack decided it was a demon, said calmly. “I want to help you friend.” 

  “Help me!? What could you possibly do to help me?” 

  “You want to be a hero, am I correct? I seem to remember that.” 

  “How could you possibly know that?”

  “Well who doesn’t want to be a hero!? I can help you, for a small price.” 

  “What price?”

  “It’s only something small. I wish the feast on the blood of the wicked. That shouldn’t be much trouble. What’s the lives of millions of good people compared to a few assholes?” 

  Jack thought it over. “How much blood?” 

  “A body every two weeks. If you choose the right people, no one will miss them anyway.” 

  The worst part is that, that sounded like an amazing deal. He glanced back at Henrik. There was a little pool of blood by his face from where he hit his head on the floor. 

  “Is there any other catch to this thing you’re offering me?” 

  “Yes.” The demon waved his hand up and Henrik stood, except it wasn’t Henrik exactly. Something about his eyes was off. 

  “Every superhero needs a villain to defeat, and your boyfriend here will do the trick nicely.”

  Jack grimaced, backing away from “Henrik.” 

  “That doesn’t even have to be a catch. I can erase any memories and feelings you have connected to him. Just shake my hand.” He held a hand out with a big, toothy smile. 

  Jack glanced at the demon, and then at Henrik, and he decided to take his hand. There was a bright flash of light and Henrik woke up. 

  He was about to get up to tell Marvin what he had remembered, but he found himself and Marvin tied up. 

***

Chase fidgeted with part of his robotic arm. It made a nice clicking noise when he twisted one of the fingers in the right way. 

  The mask was starting to wear off, he had enough of the potion left to last him a while, but it still made him kind of sad. 

  There was a knock at the door. Chase groaned and hid under the blanket. It was probably Mrs. Wood, asking if Chase had seen her missing cat.  

  The knocking continued for a few more minutes and then Chase heard a soft creak like someone opened his front door. His stomach dropped. 

  He grabbed a large flashlight, prepared to whack someone. He slowly walked out of his room only to see Anti in his living room. 

  Anti held up his hands. “Hey. You left your keys at my place.” He dropped the keys on the counter. “I know I shouldn’t have busted in, but I assumed you weren’t here.” 

  Chase sighed, putting the flashlight down. Anything Chase wanted to say got caught in his throat. He sat down and covered his face. “Just go away please.” 

  “I also wanted to say I’m sorry. I came on too strongly and I should’ve checked to see if I was crossing any boundaries. I just want this to work.” 

   Anti’s heart shattered. He stepped out into the hallway and got a phone call. 

  “What is it?” He growled. 

  “Fresh blood is here.” Jackie said on the other end.

[thecosmicsen]

✮ ┆  HAPPY BIRTHDAY INÊS  !!!  @shesin​

he is nervous.  of course he is.  birthdays are one of the biggest milestones of a relationship if not the top one when anniversaries are prioritised.  had someone told him a few years back that he would be painstakingly agonising over his demon girlfriend’s one thousand something birthday,  he would have thrown them a dirty look for their attempted jinx to curse his love life.  but how the tables have turned,  the love of his life is indeed a demon who defiantly stands opposed to the side of God who appointed Jaewoo himself directly.  call them star-crossed lovers doomed to an ill fate,  Jaewoo will beg to differ.  none of the calamity prospects deter him when he knows himself for a fact that it is Inés’ hand he is meant to intertwine his fingers with and ardently commit the rest of his faithful adoring efforts towards.  which is why he worries himself sick with the meticulous planning of his lover’s birthday,  especially when she has no recollection of her birthdate to spend the day celebrating.  everyday is my birthday,  she had smugly informed Jaewoo with a flirtatious wink to accompany.  nevertheless,  she dutifully followed up on her promise to dig around and find out when she came into existence.  finding out it was merely a few days before his own,  he started meticulously stressing over the most intricate details and nitpicking at the underlying symbolism.  

after telling her to go out and spend a little while away  (  but not a place where she will forget about him he had to remind her as his heart constricts to think about Inés going off somewhere without him  ),  he gets to work right away and leaving himself till the last moment.  triumphantly lighting the last candle,  he observes the setup with a critiquing eye before skilfully interjecting all her presents on the table in a way that melds with the decor.  naturally,  he includes himself as a gift to her too but in the sense that he believes he can provide her with a little something for the day and he has to look the part too.  dressing himself up takes up even more time than the preparation and implementation of the apartment’s birthday setup since he has a go at self-tied bondage with black silk ropes he brought for the occasion which tickles him underneath the suit he carefully wiggles into,  already have a hard time with his exceptional sensitivity.   trying to ignore how each of his movements is excruciatingly reminded of the silk ropes that rub across his skin with the barest friction,  he grabs his phone to text her that she can come back now and begins to start the playlist he made to complete the overall glowing rosy ambience. 

(  KKT:  love of my life sweetheart baby angel girlfriend Inés  )  you now have permission to come back but let me know when you’re five minutes away please  !!  I love you  💕💖💝💞🧡💛💚💙🖤♥️😘💞💕💖💗❣️😍😍😍❣️💕💖💝💞🧡💛💚💙🖤♥️❣️

now he is left with nothing but his arrangements to be perceived by the love of his life.  if he could easily sweat,  his bangs would be matted down from his bouts of nervousness.  to compose himself for the waiting game now,  he grabs the handwritten he wrote for her to proofread it for the nth time to make sure he hasn’t oversaw any foolish mistakes. the letter reads as the following:

dear inés,

I sat down for the longest time with the pen in my hand and thought about how I could express the depth of what I feel for you in this moment.  you might think that I have a way with knowing what my own emotions are and how to verbalise them but I also struggle with this sometimes as well.  the truth is,  I could compare how I feel for you with the ways of how the moon and stars never fail to make me feel comforted with their permanent presence in the sky makes me feel protected by a guardian angel who created something so beautiful.  I could tell you that you bring back my memories of what it feels like to be happy when I was alive like the times I used to go out play in the park during the peak of the summer and how I’ll never forget the way how the stickiness of the melting ice-cream would drip with my sweat.  or I could tell you that I could sit down right now and write four thousand letters to annually send to you for the next four thousand years and those words still never be enough to convey how much I love you with all my heart.  

sometimes I wish we had met when I was still alive just so that my human body could have kissed your semblance and have a piece touched by you because I hate to think of an existence devoid of yours.  I would like to believe that we did unknowingly cross paths before but I know for a fact that if we had,  I would have felt the heavy presence of my soulmate nearby.  that euphoria touching my soul probably would have stopped me from the end that I had but I still firmly believe that this is all fate.  I don’t remember everything from my life before but I do remember that my overseeing sergeant used to tell us that the worst peak of training is something we should look forward to because it means nothing but anti-climatic resolution is heading right after and that nothing seems so bad in comparison.  that’s how I feel at the moment when I have the guts to reflect over the little I remember about my time spent alive.  it seemed like a never-ending dragged out battle but I received the decline of the aftermath with some peace when I found you and got to experience the type of love you possess to give to me.  

but today is your birthday and we are going to celebrate your existence so let’s start off with some reasons why I love you  !

♥️  you have the most unique affinity   I say this because I haven’t met anyone who has the kind of self-assurance and confidence as you do.  I have met a lot of people as my time spent over the last forty four years as an apparition but nobody even comes close to you.  there are so many people who pretend to have full genuine confidence but it usually covers up something they hide about what they don’t like about themselves.  you are the only one who doesn’t have this and I could tell straight from the start.  it’s very sexy of you.  I know you already know this but I wanted to let you know that your aura affected me from the very start because I always had this unshakeable feeling about you that you were special and you are special.  how did I manage to find you?  you’re one of a kind.  

♥️  you have a hidden kindness in you   you probably disagree with this but I haven’t forgotten about the time we went to the playground . . .  well I convinced you to come with me.  remember the little toddler who came up to us?  I saw how soft your eyes got when you looked at him and the way how you waved him off.  that natural gentleness threw me off guard but it was so raw and real in that moment that I couldn’t stop thinking about how a demon has a soft spot for babies.  I got to know that you have a different type of kindness in you that you don’t show to everyone but since I’m lucky and got to witness it and even be a recipient of it,  I feel so blessed to have it.  you learnt my boundaries for a relationship and did your best to adapt for a monogamous relationship so your willingness to learn is something I am always so grateful for.  there was a kindness in that too because you never got mad at me for saying those things and always did your best to make sure that I feel happy.  I always see your efforts like how you put hot packets in my jackets till you got me a heated one or how you would give me a kiss when you could tell I was feeling down and needed one.  

♥️  your bravery is incredible   you are probably raising your brows at this one but you are very brave inés.  I don’t know everything you have been through but you don’t let anyone intimidate you.  but most importantly,  you didn’t back out when you were at your most vulnerable and emotional state.  I know it was probably the hardest thing for you to do was to call me up when your emotions were coming in full force again after having them repressed for years and years on end.  it must have been so simple for you to be numb of such intense emotions for the most part.  but then to be hit with something as powerful as that,  especially when emotions are already as fickle as anything,  to hit you back with its sheer intensity . . .  it was not easy for you at all.  I would have felt the need to shy away from the world but you took the chance with me to let you in your space during your weakest.  and I see that as the most valiant form of bravery.  nobody is as strong as you or have the guts to invite someone else in who you don’t know too much about either.  well you knew me but it wasn’t like I was Cyril or anything where you knew me since forever.  I really look up to you for that.  and as you know,  it changed my perspective of you indefinitely.

♥️  you are so driven to have what you want   it just feels both inspirational and I can’t really lie,  it makes my dick hard when I see you doing your business calls or chasing after what you want even if it’s something like going on a hunt for a body even though I wish I could be your eternal and endless supply of blood but that isn’t the case.  you know your mind.  you know you like money,  sex and blood.  you took that into consideration afterwards I confessed to you and asked you if you would be willing to be in a monogamous relationship with me and I’m still over the moon that you decided you wanted to have me.  it’s another very attractive trait of yours which I know you know but you know yourself so well and how to get what you want and then you getting it . . .  wow.  

♥️  you chose love   it speaks in your actions everyday.  you choose to be with me every sunset.  you text me when you’re away from home.  you always greet me with hugs and kisses when we are back with each other again after a long day of running around doing our own thing.  you know exactly what to say to comfort me and what not to say.  you gave up centuries of habits you were doing before being in a relationship with me and gave up on your lifestyle so you could be with one annoying ghost who can’t even take a step out of Seoul.  you continue to consciously make this sacrifice of the kind of life you led before so that we can be together and love each other so I hope you know that I understand the gravity of the condition I asked for you when I said I want to be with you but it can only happen monogamously.  I wasn’t sure if you thought I was worth giving up your lifestyle for but you chose me and I’ll never be able to find the words that convey my gratitude and love for you that you gave up on that for me and only me.  

I hope you can feel a lot of my love for you today and through the presents that I got for you !!  I love you with my entire,  heart,  soul and body.  I can’t wait to spend the rest of your birthdays together with you because your entire existence should be celebrated and worshipped everyday but a little bit more for your birthday.  when can I meet your parents to thank them for bringing you into existence  ?  I’m so so happy and grateful that you are alive and by my side.

with lots and lots of love from your one and only adoring boyfriend, ahn jaewoo

the said presents include a locket heart neck  [  v1 + v2  ]  ,  long distance touch bar bracelets but to make it less ugly paired with matching  ‘ love ’  bracelets  ,  an album of polaroid memories  ,   ring claws for her hunts  to choke him with  ,   personally handcrafted flower crown  ,  a vial of his blood  ,   this wallet with an extra lil surprise in it  ,   reversible octopus plushie  ,   advent calendar so she count down the days she gets to hunt ***********  and lastly  handmade assorted coupon card .

and finally,  the almost sweating but groomed up mess of an apparition boyfriend perches himself in the middle of all the flower chaos with a single rose in his mouth in the paint me like one of your french girls position.

happy birthday Inés  ♥️

[nerdsideofthemedia]

BB & Renora

I usually don’t tend to spend so much time on shipping, but this one, it feels like the reason is so questioned and even denied is in no small part due to homophobia and heteronormativity. Honestly, if you keep denying it’s basically almost certain now, I’d call it homophobia, unless you don’t think Renora became canon in V4 either. The parallels are as on the nose as they can be and BB had much more romantic buildup and this is part of what I intend to show here.

Just to make things clear, I am not doing this to attack Renora. I think that romance was handled well enough, it’s just too bad that it’s demanded a whole lot more from LGBTQ+ couples. I just want to show that if we want to be pedantic nitpickers who find justifications to see Renora as just a friendship, we can do that, so how come only BB is subjected to such scrutiny?

 What was the evidence for Renora before V4?

Was it Nora touching Ren’s nose and saying “Boop”? They’re childhood friends, it’s normal for them to be very close and have gestures specific to them. OK, I don’t really have to guess, because a BSer decided to start a conversation with me, complaining how me saying stuff like BB is canon or close to that made LGBTQ+ raise expectations and the writers would have to deal with queerbaiting accusations when BS becomes canon, which: yes, if BS happens, there will be queerbaiting accusations, which would be more than fair and would have nothing to do with me. (Not that I don’t appreciate it, I just don’t really think I wield that much power within the RWBY community). Fortunately, they did direct to a post about the Renora romantic hints:

        - Boop, but if we’re looking at songs, BB isn’t lacking those, including the very first one Red Like Roses. All that Matters and Armed and Ready have lines with romantic connotation and I’ll always argue that though Bmblb isn’t canon, it would have been extremely stupid to create such a song with no intention on delivering. Queerbaiting is not seen as a good thing. Also I’d like to remind you that RT has been supportive of LGBTQ+ with 2 of the main RWBY VAs being bi. 

        - Jaune, the oblivious guy, picked it up when he asked Ren how he and Nora had gotten together, to which I say: Jaune, the oblivious guy, could have easily misinterpreted a close friendship as a romantic relationship.

        - Ren stammers when correcting Jaune and he is usually cool and collected. Still, I’d say it’s normal for teenagers to act that way when there’s crush accusation. That’s exactly how I was as a teenager, even if I didn’t have a crush on the guy. 

        - Nora’s words: “What are the odds we’d still be together?” followed by “Well, not ‘together-together’… Not that I’m not saying that you’re not handsome; you are handsome, but that’d just be weird, right?”, which the person argued “After that she’s just fumbling for words, and reveals more about how she feels about Ren. She didn’t have to say anythinggg. But she did, and now we know that she thinks Ren is handsome (well, duh). If her feelings for him were completely platonic, she wouldn’t have said anything like that. There’d be no reason for her to. Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.”

When I was a teenager, I literally fumbled over words in a pretty similar way to Nora, including the handsome part, I was not interested in the guy I said that to.

Yes, this isn’t real life, it’s a show, so words like those maybe should have a better reason to be there then verisimilitude of teenage awkwardness, I guess – it’s debatable. Here’s the thing, how can you argue romance as not only one possible interpretation, but THE correct interpretation because of the implication of such words, yet deny the romance as a possible interpretation of Yang and Blake’s scenes despite the implication of a girl flirting with another while phrasing it “coming out tomorrow”, or associating those 2 girls with the word “love”, or having one of the girls stroking a photo of the other one or traveling on a ship named “Pride” or having the ex-boyfriend asking “what does she even see in you?” – all of which are far far more coded as romantic than any of the Renora moments. I think the “Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.” applies to all the cases described.

 Renora became undeniable at the end of V4 though, as Ren put his hand over Nora’s. They look at each other, both of them know what that means.

Wait, no, sorry, wrong pictures.

As I was saying they look at each other: they both know what that means. That’s right, they’re really good friends. Wait… no. They’re in love. That’s it. They’re in love.

Did you get my joke and what was being called out or do I have to be even more obvious?

I’m going to flat out say it: if you consider Renora became canon in that moment in V4, BB should be considered canon now. They parallel each other, and the whole excuse that Blake and Yang only held hands to show support after facing their demon can also be used for Renora.

 Just a few bonus anti-BB arguments:

Yang can’t represent Yang in Yin-Yang because she’s not a man

Sun doesn’t embody all the concepts of Yang either, so it’s weird to draw an exclusion criteria for Yang but not for Sun (or Blake for that matter). If only Yang hadn’t used a yellow dress, it could have driven the point of Yin-Yang. Wait…

It didn’t actually click for me as to why Yang used a white dress until I watched Passion of the Nerd’s video on Primeval (Buffy). While watching it, I was like:

(Apparently, Yang’s dress was supposed to be yellow, but there was an animation problem. Still, it was a cool thought)

“We can’t trust Adam, he’s delusional even Blake said so herself”

Adam clearly had his reasons to believe those were their feelings, because he didn’t show jealousy immediately. Also why would the writers write those lines with no intention on delivering? Adam didn’t need to be jealous to attack Yang – he wanted to hurt Blake, so attacking her to hurt the latter would be good enough reason, not to mention she was standing in the way of his mission.

Again, I quote the person who tried to defend Renora, yet attack BB: “Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.“

 Ruin the team dynamics

I find it funny that the people who criticize Yang for not making her life revolve around Ruby are also the ones who complain about how Bumblebee ruins team dynamics because two characters now prioritize each other. I’m sure this isn’t motivated by homophobia, especially considering the same logic is never used for Renora and even Arkos (don’t even bother with team JNPR aren’t main characters: they’ve appeared almost as much as the main ones), and misogyny, because how dare Yang not be completely about putting Ruby first at all times?

If having 2 sisters on the same team doesn’t ruin the dynamics, then a romantic relationship doesn’t either. It’s not like sisters don’t put each other first too.

I just address the assertion she treated Summer poorly which is based on absolutely nothing other than crapping on a female character just for the sake of it. Yang probably loved Summer and thought she was her mother until told otherwise which happened after Summer’s death.

 They ruined Adam because of BB

They didn’t. Adam was never intended to be an anti-hero with a chance for redemption. If you had that idea, it’s on you. His death didn’t happen just because either – it did because it ended both Yang and Blake’s arcs, it marked the end of a chapter in their lives as well as the beginning of their relationship which is only possible precisely because they confronted their demons. It’s the ultimate obstacle that confirms that Blake will no longer run and instead faces her demon and Yang confronted her abandonment issues in V5 when she talked to Raven, yet she still had to deal with the pain caused by Blake leaving and trust her. Their fight with Adam and her reassuring Blake she knows she won’t leave shows Yang knows Blake isn’t Raven: one ran out of selfishness, while the other ran out of selflessness, however misguided. Adam going down is tied to their closure.

And for the love of all that is good and pure, stop saying a relationship isn’t healthy because someone was hurt. Yes, it’s true we should avoid hurting each other, but to think we’ll never hurt someone and call a relationship abusive as soon as someone is hurt is ridiculous. There are no healthy relationships by that standard.

More RWBY posts:

Filmmaking and Bumbleby

Bumblebee was Always the Plan

Bumblebee was Always the Plan part 2

Faunus and the White Fang: The Portrayal of Racism

BB & Renora

Weird Post on Weiss’s Clothes

Foils: Adam and Yang (this one is in wordpress; it was my first one and I didn’t have Tumblr then)

Let’s talk about Adam Taurus (I didn’t post this one on Tumblr because the title and tags could lead Adam fans thinking this was about “his wasted potential” when really it defends the decision of killing him off and explains why it happened)

[fierceawakening]

@medleymisty I think part of it is maybe some people have been told they have low empathy by people who they see as authorities and they think that empathy is an in-born trait that they can’t change, instead of seeing it as a skill that people learn. It’s like the giftedness discourse, where the most anti-gifted people are the ones who see intelligence as an in-born trait that can’t be changed, or at least they have experienced authorities who treat it as an in-born trait and used it to discriminate.

It’s complicated and we don’t know, I think.

On the one hand, cognitive empathy, consciously “putting yourself in another person’s shoes” seems clearly variable. Affective empathy, how much you feel and care in an emotional sense when something happens to someone else, seems to be fixed. But it’s not clear from my research exactly how much. It seems they’re both somewhat plastic to me, which is why I think encouraging us to use both makes sense, but I’m not sure we have this nailed down.

The really interesting bit of the neuroscience for me is that from what I gather, newer studies seem to indicate that when we see immoral behavior from sociopaths or narcissists, it’s not so much that they don’t feel empathy as that they are able to to turn it off and on in ways most of us can’t. So the more neurotypical person might watch, say, footage of real violence and feel revulsion or a desire to help or protect the victim, but the sociopath or narcissist wouldn’t react to it any differently than to a documentary on paint colors or something.

But from what I gather from these studies, if you tell the person to focus on what the victim is feeling, then not only do the responses sound more like the control, but the brain patterns also look more like the control, who, remember, empathized affectively without external prompting.

What does this mean? I don’t know. I’m not one of the scientists! But it seems likely it either means:

Cognitive empathy (consciously thinking about someone being in pain) mimics affective empathy (reacting viscerally to their pain) pretty well at least sometimes

Or

Cognitive empathy actually increases affective empathy. Someone who doesn’t have emotions in response to someone’s pain may in fact start Ha them when they stop and think about it.

What either thing suggests to me is that we need more external prompting, not less. Which is why I think “some people don’t empathize automatically so thus no one should, to make the playing field level” sounds exactly ass backwards.

What I think we should be doing is “what makes you feel for other people? When you do, why do you? When you don’t, why don’t you? How can you work to do it more consistently, for wider groups of people?”

What it seems other people are saying is “Always be rational. Even though humans are barely-rational were-great-apes an evolutionary week ago and are prone to logical fallacies all the time! It’s just Better(tm)!”

And I’m just, “but we know that’s harder. If good behavior is what matters, why are we consciously making it harder just to show off? What wait why.”

It feels like it’s about nitpicking motives in the service of creating a narrative where the people who have been stigmatized look the smartest.

And I understand the impetus to do that! I was an ess jay Dubya of the highest order only a little over ten years ago!

But it didn’t actually fix anything, and it actually made some things worse, because rejecting good things closer-to-NT people did, said, or used as “stupid NT things” meant constantly having to reinvent the wheel rather than asking

“Why might this be the default? What might have led to this tradition? Do I agree with it? Can I do it?”

BEFORE trying to wash the brains.

I’m impure. I try to be smart and analytical, and I try to do that a lot, because I value those things.

But sometimes, actually a lot of times, I do what I think are good things just because I want to, not because I think I should.

I’m okay with that, because I think I’d be too overloaded to do as many good things if I had to think every one of them through. I wish more other people were okay with that, too.

[witchylittlefox]

My Thoughts and Feelings About Star Wars as of 2019

I held off sharing my complete feelings on this franchise/fandom because I wanted to wait for TROS to be out. since I have seen it now I’m ready to share how I feel about disney owned Star Wars, the fandom war, reylo, and TROS. Heads up these are my opinions and if we disagree that’s okay! But I would appreciate some respect when it comes to nasty comments because some of the things I’m going to say can be..... controversial in the reylo community.

Preface: I have been a Star Wars fan since I was 4 years old. I somehow figured out how to used a VHS machine and I would insert Return of the Jedi and rewind to watch it over and over again. To this day that movie is my favorite out of all of them. Star Wars was something my brother and I shared together and he would lend me all the EU books. I loved all the stories about Jacen and Jaina Solo at Luke’s jedi academy. I grew up with the prequels and yes, I am a prequel defender but they were corny as hell. So not to toot my own horn but I was very much invested in the lore and commited to the series before Disney bought it.

Disney Star Wars: Disney had absolutely no idea what they were doing with the movies (atleast when it comes to the Skywalkers + everyone related to the OT trio). They spat on the OT character’s legacy. They turn Luke into a character who seems to care nothing about helping his sister. No way in the world would Luke just throw a lightsaber off a cliff. Han and Leia are treated a little better (more so Leia), but Disney is passive agressive with them and make them out to be these horrible parents that decide to send away their son because they’re scared of him. No wonder Ben turned out the way he did. Rey, well......they could of written her better and don’t get me wrong I love aspects of her but this should of been Ben’s time to shine. HE should of been the main character of all the movies. Finn? Would of been cool seeing more perspective from an ex stormtrooper but nahhhh let’s just make him fawn over rey in the first one and then in the second give him this whole arc making us think he’s getting somewhere and then another badly written character ruins it. Poe? Well he atleast got more of an arc than Finn but he’s still so flat.

The Fandom Menace And the Fandom War: I decided after TLJ came out that I was not going to label myself in this fight. It seemed like (or atleast on Tumblr) that you couldn’t be a Reylo if you hated Rian Johnson. Rian was made out to be this “savior” of some sorts, just because he focused the movie to be more Reylo centered. YES he is talented. YES I’m thankful he gave us more of a Reylo plot, But jeez that guy is an ass (I didn’t want to cuss in this but oh well lol). Calling out fans on Twitter? Calling them names? Ridiculing Mike Zeroh? Which say what you will about Mike (not a huge fan of him tbh) but god he’s a fan of the series why are you making fun of him? But those people who are apart of the Fandom Menace are not innocent. A lot of them (NOT ALL, but most) only make videos on Youtube hating on Star Wars because it’s cool. They use the hate to get attention. I’m just not all about that. I agree with them on a lot...but seriously at what cost do we have to allow this. Both sides are annoying and immature and I choose not to take a side. I will like what I want about Star Wars and dislike what I want about Star Wars. I am not going to be a sheep. So yes... I am a Reylo, hardcore since TFA came out in 2015 and yes, I think Rian Johnson is a crappy person and I won’t be seeing any of his movies ever again (besides rewatching TLJ) because I don’t want to give money to someone who fuels the fan war. That being said, I dont support (whether that be my viewership or money) anyone who is in the “Fandom Menace” and does the same for the other side.

Reylo: The only thing I really cared about in this sequel trilogy was Reylo. I honestly started to care less about the other characters like Finn and Poe, which in my opinion is sad and just goes to show how bad Disney was at writing these characters. What got me so choked up about their relationship was how raw it was. It wasn’t some unrealistic clean romance. There was no love at first sight (at least on Rey’s end.. can’t say for Ben). It felt so real to me. They reached a level of intimacy that honestly in my opinion reached higher than sexual intercourse. Unconditional love is something that I hold close to my heart, it may be because of my faith, but the fact that Rey saw through Kylo and could see that at his core he was just Ben, emotionally hurt and lost, just wanting someone to believe in him. And she did! she believed in him when his uncle and mother easily gave up hope for him (again horrible character writing bc uhhh sry but isn’t hope supposed to be a theme with them???). And Ben loved her in return!! He protected her and not this stupid patronizing crap that Finn does (Which side note: THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH LOL. John Boyega was wasted with this stupid character). Ben knew her strength and worth and only did what a man should do in a relationship, not overstep, not take control but add his part to the relationship, creating symbiosis. If you look up the meaning of “Dyad”, this comes up:

specifically, sociology : two individuals (such as husband and wife) maintaining a sociologically significant relationship

They are equal. No one is better than the other. They are two sides of the same coin and they complete each other.

And at last....

TROS: Well crap. This movie was...... not amazing. I will have to say that I have only seen it once at this point and may make an edit to it if I change my mind. Honestly though... I can’t see myself changing my opinion but it may happen after a second viewing. I had been following the leaks and yup pretty much all true. And yep... Ben dies. Not only does he die but he barely gets any time to shine when he is redeemed. I am grateful we finally got the Reylo kiss we all waiting for but did he really have to die??? I know lots are saying he didn’t die because we didn’t see him show up as a force ghost in the end but obviously there is no confirmation from Disney on this. The fact that he died for her to live just supports everything I have said above. But where was her emotion? I expected her to be crying? it seemed to appear like she couldn’t care less, yet she was the one who went in for the kiss first and then she seems to be fine when everyone is rejoicing and hugging in celebration? Why didn’t they add him in as a voice in her head or something (ooh fanfic idea! :) ) Why did Rey call herself Rey Skywalker?! I’m sorry but she DOES NOT desserve that title plus she is still a Palpatine! That does not change anything. Don’t get me started on Palpatine.... bringing him back was the dumbest decision ever and undid everything that Anakin did. Now I would of been slightly okay with it if they got Anakin in to help to defeat him but we only got his voice and a bunch of other jedi’s voices sharing words of guidance (which ngl it was nice hearing Ahsoka) but holy heck you could of atleast added ben to the mix. They could of both heard the voices and ended Palpatine together? Also what happened to Rey and Kylo fighting through the various scenes of the past movies? I thought that was a leak? They did absolutely NOTHING to tie up the OT and PT. It has no ties to PT, besides Anakin’s voice and some of the other jedi in the mix (Mace Windu, Ayala Secura, Yoda, Ahsoka Tano, etc..). I know I’m nitpicking but I am atleast grateful we got their voices I just wish we actually got to see their faces. That’s a lot of negatives though so here is what I did like:

Babu Frik.

Rey’s kind heart ( you see that when she greets the little girl on Pasaana, helps D.O. and the snake creature)

The banter between Finn, Poe, and Rey

C-3PO ( they really did him justice)

Ben (just all of him everything about him)

Lando was pretty good

Seeing Wicket at the end with his child ( I think that’s his child?)

Wedge Antilles showing up for like one second ( although that could be a negative because I thought he was going to be in it more because of the book Resistance Reborn. WHICH OH YEAH..... this movie retconned that book btw! So not only was it a horrible book but everything in it doesnt matter)

Conclusion: So yeah, I am not happy. But in the end I will always love Star Wars no matter what. This franchise has taught me so much about hope, love, and even redemption. It was such a fun ride on here. There were ups and downs ( anyone remember that Reylo discourse a while back lol) but we made it. Even though as Reylos, it didn’t end the way we wanted it... we still were proved right. We fought hard against the antis when they kept trying to tell us Reylo wasn’t a thing and boy were they wrong..... they were very wrong. I don’t know what the future holds in store for Reylo’s story or even Star Wars but all we have to do is look forward and have hope for Ben because just as the great Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker once said:

"No one is ever really gone."

May the Force be with you all.