#Can you tell I’m mentally ill?

[fosskias]

smoll

a pocket Isaac. Just, a pocket Isaac. He could stump on flies and small insects and shoot down flys and mosquitos.

I wish I could complete hardcore mode on dead space 2 but good god I barely managed to finish it on normal. Perhaps one day I’ll get the foam finger. One day…

There’s like five people that love Isaac the same way I do I want to hear Your opinions on him. Why is he your favorite?

[righteous-r0de0]

- damien

- huxley

- freelancer

i think everyone in the redacted fandom should say their top kin’s from the redacted-verse

I’LL START

-gavin

-lasko

-angel

[elevenveggiestraws]

“Take my right eye.”

“Excuse me?”

“Since I’ve already staked it once.”

…

“If you lose one of your eyes, won't your combat ability deteriorate? Why would you take such a loss because of me?"

"If I had to choose, I'd choose you, Han Yoojin-gun."

[ongreenergrasses]

yes Annie is visibly mentally ill. just because she is visibly mentally ill doesn’t mean we really have any idea what her lived experience is, simply because symptom burden is so different from person to person…I think we can say that some of the symptoms she has upset her, because Finnick helps her mitigate them, but beyond that it’s conjecture (and room for interpretation!). the narrative makes her out to be her mental illness and nothing more, and her mental illness is portrayed as the most interesting thing about her. we simply do not have to do that and can do better.

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

I can imagine anything guy image: “I can spiral into tears and convince myself I’m the worst person alive over anything”

[sizzymissed]

i get so frustrated bc like… the point of Smile 2 (bc i do understand this criticism of the first one) it’s not to just say like…. ‘oh and everyone who’s mentally ill is bad and evil and gross and hurts themselves and ppl around them and its hopeless the end’ like NOO you missed the point.

When you’re depressed or hallucinating or going through something insanely stressful, it can make you lash out, or make you impulsive and sad and scared, or push away the ppl who surround you. And it can make you feel like the world is laughing at you.

And it’s not Skye’s fault, it’s not happening to her because she’s a terrible person! And the movie isn’t trying to say that it is happening to her because she is a terrible person. But the ‘monster’ that lives in her head tries to tell her that, and tries to get her to believe it.

And the sad thing is that to a point, she does everything right! She reaches out, and she asks for help, and she tries to talk to someone about what’s happening. But there’s no one in her corner, and no support system she can rely on, and no one responds until it’s too late. And it’s sad. And it’s scary. And it’s a tragedy.

And that’s the point, I think. Does that make sense?

[angelic-waffles]

I’m bored time for some

Random Toby Erin Rodgers Heacannons

Chaos bisexual

Around 19-20 (going based off og ref sheet/story age)

Bro is so trans masc. He gives off insane amounts of t-boy energy

Stealth about being trans. Or… as stealth as he can be.

Not exactly dating EJ but not not dating

He would be best friends with Nina

They would have friendship bracelets

He broke his very quickly

He doesn’t brush his hair for months on end, probably to the point of being able to find twigs and burs in his hair. Nasty.

If someone hands something to him, like a broken vase or a hair tie, he’ll just keep em.

He sees Slenderman as a father figure, but that also means he thinks he’s kind of lame.

BPD (I’m not elaborating on that)

He tried to do nice things for people, but sometimes he ends up being creepy or just confusing everyone else

Slenderman offered him a room in the Slenermansion but he kind of just sleeps on the couch or in the attic like the gremlin he is

Romps around the woods a lot

He will come back with random animal bites or rashes

He’s a very messy killer, not in a flashy way, but in a rough way, rushed almost. (Ex choppy cuts, lots of blood left behind, sloppy work overall, etc)

EJ thinks his messiness (in murder life, lack of showering) is horrifying.

Bro smells

Nina got him into shitty teen dramas like Riverdale

Probably has a lot of scars from general injuries and also probably sh

He’s not exactly proud of his scars, but he’s not exactly ashamed of them either. He doesn’t show them off but he doesn’t go out of his way to cover them up.

He steals stuff from everyone in the Slendermansion, not big or important stuff, it always little stuff.

He visits Lyra’s grave a lot, he leaves flowers and tells her about his day or about how the world has changed or about new movies. Every year for her birthday he leaves her favorite snacks and flowers outside her grave.

[the-untalented-photographer]

[toastsrambles]

long post beware

the fact that albert is an older brother establishes heavy themes in yuumori, such as responsibility (the burden that albert puts on himself morally/religiously can be compared to the inherent burden of being a first born son) and brotherly duty (the irony of the older brother, classically the protector, being the one to slay his younger brother). it also establishes parallels between albert and william, as older brothers, and og william and louis, as younger brothers (these parallels are FASCINATING, i might make a post about just those).

but i can’t stop thinking about the themes that would be established by og william being older and albert being younger.

(i know it’s narratively improbable because of the complications it would add to the identity switch, so some aspects of that would need to change but this is discussing purely the themes of the matter, so.)

firstly, the relationship between of william and albert. og william would, no doubt, still be classist and elitist and cruel. but, in his mind, that would create no conflict with being a loving older brother (or as loving as og william is capable of). this would create an inner conflict with albert killing him, whereas in the original, there was very little conflict/hesitation when it came to killing og william. however, this would probably be canceled out because of albert feeling like og william betrayed him.

albert, being one to believe in traditional values and set systems (the good should prosper, the evil should suffer, etc.), would most definitely subscribe to the idea of the older brother as the protector (which i reference nonstop in this post). and yet, og william failed. he was supposed to make the world better for albert, to be a beacon of truth, and yet he wasn’t. he was supposed to be good and he wasn’t. i imagine this sense of betrayal would be the main reason albert is able to go through with the murder.

but the parallels! the parallels between the williams! wouldn’t william be just disgusted with og william? the idea that a brother could be so callous as to drive his little brother to this, to murder? the idea that, perhaps, he could be like this? and the fact that he takes on the identity of og william- the fear of og william’s name itself corrupting him? would he look at louis and vow never to make louis turn to what albert had to?

and just. during the final problem, when it becomes more and more clear that william dying is less about the final problem itself and more about needing salvation. would it be framed as og william’s salvation as well? william bears og william’s name identity. does og william die for his sins (again) with william?

and the parallels between albert and louis! their respective betrayals of their older brothers- albert killing og william and louis trying to keep william alive. and then, the themes of the younger replacing the older- albert replacing og william as the eldest son and head of the family, and louis replacing william (and albert too) as M.

and then, with the theme of responsibility- in my mind, albert would still be slightly older than william - a couple months, at most - so he would still inherit most of the estate, etc. he would bear the burden of an eldest son to the rest of the world. but those closer to him, as well as the audience, would know the truth. thematically, this would combine responsibility with deception, and duty with lies. an interesting concept, one that is already explored so well in yuumori, what with almost every authority figure being corrupt and cruel behind the scenes.

and brotherly duty, holy shit. og william, the older brother, the protector and role model, being wicked and broken. albert, the younger son, the protected, disowning him and stabbing him with a stake. william, the older brother, the protector and role model, being ready to kill himself for the sake of his little brother. louis, the younger brother, the protected, proving that he doesn’t need to be protected, going to the person he hates most to beg for his help.

og william and william, both the protectors, except william succeeded where og william failed. albert and louis, both the usurpers, except albert did it out of hate where louis did it out of love.

and don’t even get me started on albert and mycroft. albert looking at mycroft and seeing what a big brother and eldest son should be, should have done, and instead of seeing his own failures (a killer theme, don’t get me wrong) he sees his own brother’s flaws. and yet, he also sees his older brother’s virtue. mycroft raising the idea that maybe, og william was cruel, but he was still loving. that the two ideas can coexist, and while albert doesn’t have to love og william, he does have to acknowledge that og william loved him.

and… just. the brutalism of being killed by your younger brother. the boy you held when he was young, whom you taught how to read and walk. that boy, staring at you with such utter hatred that you just can’t comprehend, that boy killing you.

and the tragedy of killing your older brother. of looking at the boy who raised you, who held you when you were scared, and deciding you don’t want to be his anymore. of realizing your older brother is cruel and evil and killing him, his blood literally on your hands.

and the fear of becoming like that other older brother. you share his name and you watched his little brother be driven to murder because of him. you can’t be that for your little brother, but you still take on his name.

and the refusal to become like that little brother. you watched him kill his older brother and you won’t let that be you. you’ll do whatever it takes to save your big brother, because even if he took that monster’s name, he was your older brother before that.

two sets of brothers. both of them are tales of tragedy. and yet, the second is a story of love, as well. can the first say the same?

[edge-oftheworld]

I don’t really talk about it much on here because I’m extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly what’s going on in my body, but it’s scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers don’t really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. it’s scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you don’t know how to start filling yourself back up. you’ve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.

I don’t know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout that’s years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesn’t come from worry but you’ll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that you’re PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect I’m not the only one.

I’ve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but it’s overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. I’ve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything that’s happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me it’s gonna be okay.

I don’t know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because it’s hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. I’d do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I don’t think it’s strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that they’re never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what they’ve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.

and the same goes with all of you. we’re bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we don’t mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and I’m sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. it’s what they’ve always longed for isn’t it?

[thankful4therapy]

When i tell you i SCREAMED when i saw the oreo bar in the beginning of ep1

[carboncat0]

they never told us how Dio managed to attached his head onto Jonathan’s body, i like to think that after Jonathan’s death, Dio just nibbled at his head, eating his flesh and blood till the whole head is gone, then attached his head onto the empty neck

if that isn’t the most romantic thing ever

[cleverclove]

There will be a day when I won’t think of you. There will come a morning where you aren’t my first thought. I will make my tea without accidentally placing another mug out. I will watch your favorite show and your laugh won’t echo in my brain. That flower won’t be your favorite flower. It will just be a flower. I won’t hate every day I’m alive because every day on this earth is a day without you. I’ll stare up at the moon and I won’t think about how beautiful you’d find it.

But ‘til then, sweet sister, I will boil a kettle for the two of us. In case you come back. I won’t bring myself to change the channel when Jeopardy! comes on. You know, the only reason I get up in the morning is to water that garden. Every pansy would look wonderful in your hair. I save the best for your tomb.

And the moon is full tonight, Ophelia. Full, unlike the life you lived. I wonder if you’re just hiding from me, behind the dark side of that moon. Maybe you’re giggling; you always were good at hiding.

(You can come out now, Ophelia. Please. I give up. You win.)

Because on that day, I will be dead too. I hope there’s tea in Heaven. Tea and Jeopardy! and pansies and all the moonlit nights in the world.

Save the last moonlit night for me, love. And I’ll save you some tea.

[mossy-paws]

I have recently discovered SOMA has a fandom on tumblr and I don’t think my life has ever been more complete

[80yearoldmanmoodboard]

I think Head(1968) is some kind of third monkeeverse creation unrelated to the real world or the tv show universe. I think Jork and Dolensmith are cannon in the headverse and I think the headverse stars 4 musician/actors who are prevalent in movies and also the supernatural is real. I think gay marriage is legal in the headverse but on a technicality where one of the parties must be wearing a dress and that’s why that one scene was and I think Davy was raised by two lesbians but one of them was really butch and called herself his father.

[ultfan]

sigh. was watching a let’s player go through komaeda’s FTEs and they said he was using his diagnosis as an excuse for his actions. “oh, i’m dying and insane so everything i do is justified” like — agH stfu!!! i’ll never claim komaeda’s actions to be good, and yeah i joke about his “insane”ness a lot, but at the end of the day you genuinely can’t hold him accountable. he is not in control of his facilities — FTD specifically targets your personality/behaviors — he is not in a right state of mind and is completely unaware he is in the wrong. he CANNOT COMPREHEND that. he’s just genuinely unable to!!! i’ll never claim he isn’t a bad person, or that he isn’t an antagonist, but at the end of the day he is someone who needs not help necessarily, but to be taken care of/looked after. he doesn’t belong in a prison, he belongs in a mental facility. where he can have trained professionals who can keep watch over him and actually work with him and keep him in check. — in any canon related verse he’ll never actually get that, esp given the state of the world, but it’s true that’s what he needs more than anything else.

and people really do tend to overlook just how much bvFTD truly fits komaeda as a diagnosis. especially in ways that aren’t touched upon by the vaaaaast majority of people. a while back i read a research paper about hyper-religiousity in patients with FTD; which could very easily be applied to the way he views hope. first clinging to it as a coping mechanism and that being exaggerated through the deterioration to become a blind faith that he is obsessed over which leads every action he takes.

anyway i just think it’s ridiculous to call a disease like FTD an “excuse.” there are people who use their mental illness as excuses for their actions to justify themselves, yes. but this isn’t a mental illness — it’s a degenerative brain disease. it’s an entirely different category. this isn’t a case of an illness making it difficult to control his actions and act reasonably, it’s a case of a disease making it IMPOSSIBLE to control his actions and act reasonably. it just really upsets me to see people brush that off because that is one of the main things that makes komaeda actually sympathetic.