#idk if i’m making sense it’s 4am but

[ultfan]

sigh. was watching a let’s player go through komaeda’s FTEs and they said he was using his diagnosis as an excuse for his actions. “oh, i’m dying and insane so everything i do is justified” like — agH stfu!!! i’ll never claim komaeda’s actions to be good, and yeah i joke about his “insane”ness a lot, but at the end of the day you genuinely can’t hold him accountable. he is not in control of his facilities — FTD specifically targets your personality/behaviors — he is not in a right state of mind and is completely unaware he is in the wrong. he CANNOT COMPREHEND that. he’s just genuinely unable to!!! i’ll never claim he isn’t a bad person, or that he isn’t an antagonist, but at the end of the day he is someone who needs not help necessarily, but to be taken care of/looked after. he doesn’t belong in a prison, he belongs in a mental facility. where he can have trained professionals who can keep watch over him and actually work with him and keep him in check. — in any canon related verse he’ll never actually get that, esp given the state of the world, but it’s true that’s what he needs more than anything else.

and people really do tend to overlook just how much bvFTD truly fits komaeda as a diagnosis. especially in ways that aren’t touched upon by the vaaaaast majority of people. a while back i read a research paper about hyper-religiousity in patients with FTD; which could very easily be applied to the way he views hope. first clinging to it as a coping mechanism and that being exaggerated through the deterioration to become a blind faith that he is obsessed over which leads every action he takes.

anyway i just think it’s ridiculous to call a disease like FTD an “excuse.” there are people who use their mental illness as excuses for their actions to justify themselves, yes. but this isn’t a mental illness — it’s a degenerative brain disease. it’s an entirely different category. this isn’t a case of an illness making it difficult to control his actions and act reasonably, it’s a case of a disease making it IMPOSSIBLE to control his actions and act reasonably. it just really upsets me to see people brush that off because that is one of the main things that makes komaeda actually sympathetic.

[mita-vittua-olivia]

tmagp is about change!!! transmutation! transformation! (which is the point of alchemy, too!)

episode 1 - case 1: husband changing into monster/zombie thing , case 2: ? not sure

episode 2 - changing your looks

episode 3 - changing/transforming into a tree

episode 4 - ? not sure

episode 5 - ? not sure

episode 6 - area changing mentioned

episode 7 - workplace changing (?)

episode 8 - architecture changing

episode 9 - ? not sure

episode 10 - change from beloved mascot to assassin creepy thing

episode 11 - tattoo on corpse changing

episode 12 - bonzo again

episode 13 - ? not sure

episode 14 - changing/transforming into snakes

episode 15 - ? not sure

episode 16 - changing(/dying) through tattoo

episode 17 - ? not sure

episode 18 - ? not sure

episode 19 - dog changing, becoming conscious

episode 20 - ink5oul changing from human to possibly avatar

episode 21 - changing into old man (? i don’t remember this episode very well)

episode 22 - parts of the brain changing/separating

episode 23 - literally changing/transforming into a “new version” of yourself

episode 24 - ? not sure

episode 25 - ? not sure

episode 26 - ? not sure

episode 27 - changing by being eaten? idk

episode 28 - man changing into basically his skeleton

this would also fit with the change we’ve seen in all the tma characters we’ve encountered in tmagp! nobody was the same version of themselves or even close to how we knew them before.

[kathybluecaller]

Finally got around drawing Aioros :D

[candygalaxyyy]

It’s 4 AM for me rn, I should probably go to bed because my sleeping schedule is a mess… but I’m dead set on understanding the timeline for the eighth sense. Sorry in advance for any misinformation or plot holes :) I’ve been rewatching episode 6 since Wednesday and I’ve just finished rewatching all six episodes again, safe to say things are becoming clearer. So first of all, it’s not a dream. The whole of episode 6, the drowning scene, jae won pulling ji hyun out of the water, it’s all very real. Even though the gas station scenes felt very surreal and almost mystical, especially with the lighting, blurred polaroid effect and music, but it’s still real?! People have already mentioned that on here; about it being real, time being warped with future events and other theories. And idc if this is obvious but I need it in writing to come back to.

Here’s my understanding of the past/present/future theories. Everything in episode 6 is the present, up until the trauma kiss. After the trauma kiss scene the screen fades to black, I believe that indicates a shift in the timeline being shown (it happened before but i forgot when exactly I’ll update later after I’ve watch it again). So the eighth sense is centered around jae won’s therapy session! How do I know this? Well after the opening theme in episode 1 the first scene we see is jae won at his therapist’s, and she says ‘tell me about your worries’. And so the story begins. He mentions in either episode 4 or 5 that his current worries kicked in after leaving the military so we meet ji hyun exactly when jae won’s been discharged. We still get ji hyun’s focus sometimes because as much I feel this story is jae won centered, ji hyun’s perspective gives a full picture of their relationship (have not grasped the whole story of why yet, probably to give depth to ji hyun and his importance in this story).

Jae won’s present day therapy session only appears after certain triggers are brought up, and the most telling one is him getting wasted, and his dad smashing the camera his brother gifted him (episode 5). I think this is the trigger that causes the whole therapy session, cause he mentions him putting up a front (his fake friend taehyung talking about his family), his dad aggression (broken camera) and other things we’ve seen. Furthermore, it was the longest snippet of the session we’ve seen thus far. It’s also all one session, we know this because they’re wearing the same clothes and hair in every therapy scene. Anyways, as he lets all his worries out and she asks what makes you happy these days. He thinks of ji hyun, tells her and then she says she should further their relationship if that’s the case. So he decides to take ji hyun to the beach, following the advice of his therapist and since ji hyun told him to rely on him. (present day leading to episode 6). So now we are in episode 6, going to the beach and all that good stuff, Jae won opens up because he’s just been advised to deepen his relationship with ji hyun and he feels comfortable to do so. They surf and give each other trauma through kisses… THE SREEN FADES TO BLACK.

We’ve jumped to the future, the lighting, tones and atmosphere after the trauma kisses has totally shifted from the rest of the episode, so it’s fitting to say it’s future events. To me that hotel scene is another trip in the future because they clearly say that they are only staying for that one night on the beach, because they don’t have clothes (and after them getting close on that trip it is safe to assume they will definitely go on more boyfriend trips). One reason I think the writers might have done this is to remind us of jae won’s current relationship with well deep relationships. All of his relationships after his brother and up till ji hyun were surface level. Why? Because he lost someone who he loved so deeply in such a traumatic way, he couldn’t protect his brother, he couldn’t protect his love so he chooses to disassociate from human relationships. But he can’t do that with ji hyun, he’s on his path of loving ji hyun. HE TOLD HIM SOMETHING HE’S NEVER TOLD ANYONE EVER BEFORE, HE WANT TO BE A PHOTOGRAPHER AND ONLY HIS YOUNGER BROTHER KNEW THAT. JAE WON IS ALREADY TRUSTING AND LOVING JI HYUN ON ANOTHER LEVEL THAN ALL HIS CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS. And of course after this we cut to them getting even more intimate and in their boyfriend era in the hotel, that’s their future. The drowning scene is also their future. And how will jae won react to *potentially losing another loved one after just starting to open up again (JI HYUN WON’T DIE THOUGH). How will he handle the guilt and pain he feels when ji hyun ends up in a hospital bed because of them surfing together in deeper water when ji hyun can swim that well? How will ji hyun handle it this time around?

[rosicheeks]

“You put your arms around me and I'm home”

[dutybcrne]

Even with his orientation, you can bet Kaveh would be down to hook up with and even marry Faruzan if she were down to as well

[uhohwhathaveidone]

The Little Things (S.S)

When did it become 4am? Idk. Ghost files was playing in the background so I blame Shane and Ryan for distracting me. 

No warnings for this, it’s all fluff. Maybe angst if you look super closely but jokes on you, I tricked you. Maybe a part two because I definitely didn’t finish it but it’s on a pretty good cliffhanger. I listened to Artic Monkeys for the three hours it took me to give you a 2.9k fic, dedication. Snap Out of It is playing rn, life is good. Anyway Hufflepuff gn reader again becasue i said so (im sorry that was mean) Good night

       Ominis sat on the couch in the common room of the Slytherin house, listening carefully to his friend Sebastian. Due to his own disability, Ominis had no idea what most people looked like, and he never really cared to ask. But he was becoming close friends with the new 5th year student, a Hufflepuff who somehow became integrated into the group. He found their voice calming and would laugh if they said something funny or a quip at Sebastian over something. He didn’t want to ask his new friend about their looks, he thought it would be weird, so instead he asked Sebastian. Sebastian had joked about it at first, saying that you had a face full of ugly scars and moles all over your face, but after he saw Ominis quirk an eyebrow and sigh in annoyance, he settled down and gathered his thoughts.

      He had the clearest image of you in his head, as if you were standing in front of him. He took a breath, “Well, you already know that they’re nice, of course. Their face matches their personality, I think. Their eyes are like jewels of the brightest colour, and their eyebrows really match their face? I don’t know how to explain it.” He went on, describing you to Ominis in as much detail as possible, not leaving out a single characteristic, down to how long your eyelashes were and how tall you were.

      “What else?” Ominis asked, smirking to himself as he listened to Sebastian blabber on. “What? You want to know more?” He asked, earning a nod from Ominis. Sebastian thought to earlier, when he glanced over at you during Herbology. Professor Garlick had been talking about a rather confusing subject, Sebastian wasn’t even quite sure what it was about, but he knew it had something to do with magical plants. In his own confusion, he had looked over at you to see if you were understanding any better, only to be met with your squinting eyes as you tried to make sense of the words. You had done this a lot whenever you were confused, and Sebastian secretly found it adorable, though he would never tell anyone. Sometimes, if you were really confused, he would watch your nose scrunch up as well and a small frown dawn on your lips. When the class had ended, you had trotted up to him and elbowed him in the side, sighing. “Ow! What was that for?” Sebastian had asked, pushing you to the side and away from him. You shrugged in response, letting out a dramatic sigh. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, knowing that you just wanted him to ask you what was wrong. “Ok, fine. What’s wrong?” He eventually asked, pulling onto your robe to make sure you didn’t get separated from each other. He watched as you tried to hide a smile, replying. “I didn’t understand a word she said. I felt rather dumb.” Sebastian nodded his head and brought a hand up to pat you on the head. “I could tell, you’re not very good at keeping a straight face. But I didn’t understand anything either, so I suppose that makes up two idiots together, yeah?” You snorted in response, shaking his hand off your head. “I’m still smarter than you, so don’t get any ideas.” Sebastian quipped a quick “yeah right” and walked along side you, thinking about how soft your hair had felt for a moment. He never understood that, how you managed to always have soft hair.

      Ominis only continued to smile as Sebastian talked about the faces you made and what had happened that day. “Do they make those faces when they fall asleep during our study time?” He asked. Sebastian hummed in response as he remembered how you fell asleep at the table the three of you were occupying in the library, your face pressed against a book as soft, slightly muffled snores left you. “Yeah, their nose twitches a bit.” You had been studying charms for a test the next day, and you had brought the book up close to read the small writing that was in the corner. You scrunched your nose up then, too. Sebastian had been too busy explaining a concept for a charm to see you lay the book down on the table once again and try to stifle a yawn. When he asked you a question and waited for your reply, he heard a soft noise. Looking over, you had laid your head down and used the book as a pillow, a hand brought up to your face to rest against your cheek. He watched for a moment, taking in the details of your sleeping form. He recounted the details to Ominis now, mentioning how your eyes had shifted a bit under your eyelids, and how you twitched randomly and caused hair to fall into your face.

      Ominis didn’t even have to speak anymore, Sebastian just kept talking.

      The next day, during breakfast, you seemingly appeared from nowhere next to Sebastian at the table, pushing your shoulder against his own to grab something to eat. It startled the boy half to death, and he was left stuttering out a string of not-so-strong words. “Listen, I know that Hufflepuffs are supposed to be loyal, but you have to warn someone before you just appear, yeah?” He breathed, smoothing down his robes. You only shook your head in response, a piece of toast quite literally hanging from your mouth as you tried to reach for some jam, which was just too far away for your fingers to reach. Sebastian smiled as he grabbed the jam you had been reaching for, showing it to you. “This what you’re after?” He asked, and you nodded in response. His smile widened as he looked you in the eye, and placed the jam father away. The toast dropped from your mouth as you gasped, eyes beginning to squint in annoyance. “Ominis, they’re squinting at me, I might just die.” Sebastian joked, flailing dramatically. You huffed as you got up to fetch it yourself, mumbling. “Typical Slytherin. Oh, you want this? Go get it ha ha.” Ominis heard this and choked on his juice. “What was that?” Sebastian asked, who didn’t quite catch what you had said due to his own laughter. You sat back down and began spreading the jam on your toast. “You’re acting like a dog. A puppy even. Childish, like a Slytherin.” You quipped, pointing the dull knife at him. You continued, “All bark but no bite. Like a Golden Retriever.” Sebastian pretended to be offended as he took a bite of his food, leaning over to Ominis. “If we’re talking about dogs, someone is a Pomeranian.” He said, pretending to whisper to Ominis. You heard this, and wacked him upside his head. “Am not.” You retorted, taking a bite of toast finally. Ominis, thanks to Sebastian describing you, maybe too much, was able to imagine the face you were making as you argued lightly about how you most certainly were not a Pomeranian, but never state what kind of dog you thought you were. “I think you’re just Sebastian’s emotional support dog,” Ominis stated, using his shoulder to push Sebastian away. You titled your head slightly, a confused hum voicing your thoughts. “Well,” Ominis continued, “Everyone just calls you his emotional support Hufflepuff, but it’s pretty much the same thing.” “Hey!”

       That night, Sebastian came back to the common room later than usual, but mumbling excitedly to himself as he beelined to Ominis. “You will not believe what I just witnessed.” He started, dropping into a chair next to his friend. Ominis turned to his direction, wondering just what Sebastian could have witnessed. “Y/n. I was looking for them because I grabbed their potions book on accident, which, not my fault.” Sebastian started. Ominis shook his head and smiled, motioning for Sebastian to continue. “Anyway, I found them by their common room, but they didn’t go in for some reason. They were just standing there, swaying kind of?” Ominis began to imagine you in a trance state, just swaying for no reason. Sudden worry fell onto his face. “Were they cursed?” He asked, earning a laugh from Sebastian. “I thought so at first, so I went over to see if everything was ok.” He paused, trying not to laugh as he thought back to what you were doing. He had walked up to you slowly, as if you would turn around and attack him if he went too fast. As he got closer, he could hear you mumbling lightly to yourself, but he couldn’t make out what you were saying. Surely you hadn’t gone crazy, swaying, and mumbling to a wall? He crept closer, wand ready just in case. As he found himself behind you, he peered over your shoulder. “They were swaying, to the moving cactus!” He laughed, clutching his sides. You were, in fact, dancing with the little cactus, entranced by its movement. Sebastian had let out a laugh when he realized what was going on, and caused you to jump backwards, right into him. He had caught you, still laughing as you looked up at him and scowled. “What are you laughing for?” You asked as you pushed yourself off of him and fixing your robes. Sebastian, nearly out of breath from laughing so hard, held his hand up to signal that he needed a moment. You crossed your arms and stared at him, a pouty frown forming on your lips. Sebastian saw this and had to take even more breaths. He mentioned this to Ominis, how you pouted at him. Ominis huffed in amusement, imagining what that must have looked like. Once Sebastian was able to catch his breath, he walked over to the cactus and pointed at it. “Dancing with a cactus?” You puffed your cheeks, not responding. He continued, “I don’t think it’s a good dance partner, it’s got the moves, but a bit prickly, don’t you think?” You kept your arms crossed, “Like you’re a better dance partner.” Sebastian scoffed at the thought of a cactus being better than him, but he still felt his cheeks heat up a bit. “Of course, I am.” He stopped at that, telling Ominis that he had clearly won that argument. Ominis shook his head as he got up, “Sebastian, you’re quite daft.” “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

         Ominis found it amusing to hear Sebastian talk about things, he always spoke in detail to give him a better picture, which also meant that he unintentionally spared hardly any details. Ominis had learned a long time ago how to identify what Sebastian was into by the way he described certain things. A bird would get the simple description, while something like the colour or texture of a potion he was making in class would be explained in depth. He noticed this while Sebastian talked about you. Although he knew Sebastian went into detail about what you looked like so he could get the best image possible, Sebastian would give unnecessary details, like if you had a leaf in your hair one day or how your eyes had a twinkle. Sebastian had paid such close attention to everything that you did, it was hard to think that he only saw you as a friend. Yet, Ominis could just feel the oblivious look on Sebastian’s face if it was ever brought up.

       It was some time the following week when Sebastian came across a moment of frustration. You had been a topic of conversation amongst fellow students. You always were. Yet, when some of the boys from his house came up to him and Ominis asking about you, Sebastian became defensive. He didn’t describe you to the boys like he described you to Ominis. This caused Ominis to smirk to himself as he listened in, noting the ting of jealousy in Sebastian’s voice. Once the group had left the two of them, Ominis dug his elbow into Sebastian’s side. “Ow! What are you on about, doing that?” Sebastian asked, holding his side. Ominis continued to try and poke Sebastian, mumbling. “You really like them; the big bad golden retriever Slytherin has a soft spot for the Hufflepuff.” He joked, of course, and he was unable to see the face Sebastian was making. But he knew just how flustered he got when he was unable to form a sentence to combat Ominis, his cheeks a bright red as he froze. Ominis had to explain to Sebastian what he meant, teasing him about how oblivious he was. “You talk a lot. Too much, sometimes. But you hardly spoke a word to them when they asked about y/n. You’re not too subtle, are you?”

      You walked in to see Ominis with a devious smile, his index finger still out and ready to poke Sebastian in his side. Sebastian, on the other hand, was frozen in place and red. It was quite a sight to see. You walked over and stood over the two boys. “What are you guys doing?” You asked, a smirk forming as you got a closer look at the scene the two of them had created. Sebastian looked up quickly and stared at you, much like a deer caught alone by a hunter. Ominis’ smile never left. “I was just teasing Sebastian. He’s been acting quite dumb and needed to be told.” Ominis got up and fixed his robes. “Well, I have places to go, so I’ll be seeing the two of you later for a study session for charms. No sleeping this time either.” And with that, he left.

      You took Ominis’ seat next to Sebastian, your smile growing larger as you watched him try to form some sort of sentence. “Have you been dumb, Sebastian?” You teased. Sebastian could only narrow his eyes at you. You continued to tease him, “Aw poor baby. Whatever shall we do?” Sebastian’s face got redder if that was even possible. You took notice of this and went to poke his cheek, the warmth almost burning you. Sebastian, still unable to form words, got up from his seat and turned his back and stood there. You took that as you hint to get up as well, and followed him out to the hall. You kept walking beside him, but were unable to see that he slowed down and walked behind you. When you finally noticed, he had run into your back, burying his head between your shoulders and moving to wrap his arms around you. You felt your cheeks flare up now, unable to do anything. “I’m not that dumb.” He mumbled, seemingly trying to burrow further into your back. At first you thought his feelings had been hurt, but you felt a smile grow on your back, and suddenly your sides were being attacked. “Sebastian you cheater!” You yelled, desperately trying to break free of his grasp. The boy wouldn’t let go, not until he tickled you until you were out of breath and falling to your knees. A triumphant step and a happy hum, he knelt with you, lightly head butting you. “Maybe you’re the dumb one.”

        “You’re both dumb.” Ominis said as he took his seat at the library table. Even after Sebastian had told him about the attack he launched on you, he didn’t say if he ever confessed. You hadn’t even shown up to the study session yet, and Ominis was already cursing you for your own feelings, had you even realized them yet was beyond him. “Now that’s rude.” Sebastian retorted, pulling his book out. Ominis scoffed, “Not rude enough, it appears. How is it that the two of you have not realized this yet? You think “Emotional Support Hufflepuff” was a friendly term or something?” Sebastian furrowed his brow, “Yes, is it not?” Ominis could only shake his head. “You are impossible.”

      A few moments later you had arrived, your book in hand and a quill and parchment in the other. “Get distracted by dancing cacti again?” Sebastian teased as you sat beside him. You shook your head, opening to the page the three of you had left off on. “Sounds like someone didn’t get poked enough.” You mumbled. Ominis let out a snort. The three of you began your study like normal, without you falling asleep this time. Before the library blew out its lights, the three of you left. Ominis had bid you farewell as he made his way back to the Slytherin dorm, claiming that he needed a shower before bed. You were left with Sebastian, who walked by your side and occasionally (and purposely) bumped into you. You gasped as he bumped into you too hard, sending you falling into a wall. Luckily, Sebastian realized just how hard he hit you, and quickly went to grab you before you contacted the stone. He wrapped his arms around you and held you still, muttering a “whoops” into your hair. You huffed, “If you wanted me to fall for you, all you had to do was ask.” You laughed at your own joke, congratulating yourself for coming up with something so fast. Sebastian stayed silent, seemingly holding you tighter. You felt him say something against your head and calmed your laughing down. “What was that?” You asked. Sebastian shook his head, eventually letting go of you and continuing to walk you to your dorm.

[dufferpuffer]

honestly I don't even blame the intense Marauders fans for making the boys barely seem like friends.

How many lines are there (that wasn't said to each other) where teenage Sirius and James were not being absolute pricks...? They're such insensitive assholes. In their heads it really was James & Sirius and then everyone else in the world. Remus and Peter are included but constantly disrespected.

And like of course they were friends, and had each others backs - but there's a power dynamic in that friend group, and its James and Sirius are kings and Remus and Peter are useful for entertainment. Toxic lil teenagers. Dumb asshole kids.

But that's exactly the point, right? Every time we see a memory of the past, its to show the opposite of what Harry thinks: - James and Sirius were actually quite nasty - Remus wasn't a role model, - Peter was a bit of a victim, - Severus is honest - and straight up correct most of the time

I think the unfortunate thing in fanworks on this era is how they treat this dynamic as golden. As fine. They were the bestest and tightest of friends, the toxic shit was all stable and normal and good... and the only way to have that make sense is to twist who the characters are.

- James has to be a labrador who barely knows what he is saying. - Sirius has to be a drama queen to say insensitive things. - Remus has to be a grumpy badass to be so quietly defensive. - Peter... well they just ignore Peter. When he is there they have the others love-bomb him to make up for the abuse. - Severus has to be the worst otherwise the marauders look bad. But its more interesting that it wasn't like that! That the group fell apart! Remus separated after school, there was a rift between him and Sirius - Peter was such a fourth wheel he wasn't loyal at all - Sirius was almost TOO loyal and reliant on James, too dedicated - and while James loved Lily he was still irresponsible and selfish.

IDK its 4am and I'm rambling. I guess seeing so much stuff of pallid, pale, sickly Remus as a butch tanned teen scowling at people... it gets to you at 4am. I think, if you wanted a more assertive Remus to have hot sex with Sirius (if teenage sex can ever be hot...?) leaning into their characters would be cooler. That's my 2 cents.

“I’m bored,” said Sirius. “Wish it was full moon.” “You might,” said Lupin darkly from behind his book.

There's fire in that. There's dissatisfaction and annoyance and bite - alongside Remus' general meekness. There's disregard from Sirius. Idk. Feels like that's a cool angle to work with.

[butch-reidentified]

do you think it’s possible for a lesbian to be somewhat attracted to a trans woman (who passes well) if the only place she sees the tw is online/in videos/in pictures? i’m gender critical and i believe attraction is based on sex, but if somebody strongly resembles the same sex and you’re only seeing them from a physical distance, wouldn’t it make sense for somebody attracted to that sex to be able to find them attractive? (not referring to pursuing a relationship with them)

its almost 4am at the end of a long work week, and I'm still recovering from covid, so I hope this is coherent lmao

ik this will be controversial but I urge people to really mull over this before reacting in anger, though I really do understand the impulse:

honestly, as a (former) neuroscience researcher and someone still deeply passionate about neuroscience who likes to read neuroscience journal articles in her spare time... I think it's fucking complicated and there's a bit of intellectual dishonesty on both sides. the TRA side claims you can (only!) be attracted to someone's internal identity or ~gender feelings~ while the gc side claims that there is NO circumstance in which a person could pass well enough as the opposite sex to be perceived as attractive by someone whose orientation includes that "passing" sex.

and yet, I've had the experience of being at an lgbt bar or club and seeing someone I thought was a cute masc woman initially, only to realize it was an androgynous or slightly effeminate-appearing gay man - and many many lesbians I've told this to have shared similar experiences with me. I know a male transitioner online who is really cool and calls himself a eunuch rather than a woman or anything, and while I don't find him attractive, I have to admit that in the ~100ish photos I've seen of him (incl many candid full body ones taken by other people), I've not been able to "clock" any distinct male characteristics. maybe that would be different in person, but we live on totally different continents so idk.

I've known a TON of trans people irl, likely far more than most people on radblr or anywhere. this is partly because Florida has the second highest # of trans people in the country, and partly bc of where I went to college, and partly because my life is just strange like that. but I'll admit I've known a couple mt"f"-transitioned folks who I truly had no idea were male for quite some time - physically or behaviorally.

the reality is that your brain only knows what it perceives, and if it perceives a male as a female without your knowledge, and your orientation includes females, then it could be possible to feel attraction. however, I'm preeetty damn sure that would not persist beyond learning that person's sex is male, at which point you'd probably suddenly start noticing whatever male traits you were able to overlook initially. but I don't think it makes rational sense to claim that it's never possible to experience "mistaken" attraction for a period of time. there are known cases of historical women who lived as men who were flirted with by straight women who believed them to be male, for instance.

this is one of those situations where the truth (what I've said above) could be twisted and deliberately misinterpreted by the opposing party, which I believe to be why so few, if any, are willing to acknowledge this. but it's a question I've pondered a lot and this is the only logical conclusion I've reached. and it simply is not rational for anyone to act like anything I've said here implies that homosexuals can/should be open to dating/sleeping with the opposite sex. anyone who could come to that conclusion from this response needs a seriously intensive review of reading comprehension.

like I said I'm not fully awake so I'm sure I could have made my points here more clearly and I'm sure I'll get retaliation from people who want to nitpick my wording or whatever, like usual, but o well.

[jaynovz]

Expanded Info for Black Sails Kink Meme 2024

Hi there!

Since there has been a sufficient amount of interest for this idea, let me explain a little further how I think this will work and general guidelines–

I’m encouraging as informal and low stress/pressure of an atmosphere as possible here. Back in The Day when LiveJournal Kink Memes were common, it was very typical to see a prompt put up and filled within an hour. It doesn’t have to be polished, it doesn’t have to make logistical sense, it just has to fill the prompt as best as you can, sexily! It’s supposed to be fun. A bunch of fun, raunchy kink and smut to roll around in as a fandom. 🥳 🥳

So yeah, first thing to expect, it’s basically ALL PWP (porn without plot). Not to say that someone can’t write a full plot epic if they like, do whatever you like, but in my experience, a 4am fugue state smut fill written in a sweaty haze is kind of, the spirit of the thing. We’re creating ficlets, snapshots, tasty treats of smut with as little pressure to make it in any way polished as possible. Please think of this as, hmmm, a little fun writing exercise you do before you go back to your Big Serious Work, if that helps. We are letting loose, we are having fun, we are being deliciously, joyously, unrepentantly filthy with it! The tagline for the event is: “Get High, Jerk Off Three Times, and Write Me a Warmup :DD”

A prompt might say, for example– “MaxAnne, s2, would love to see the girls get slippery wet with some period sex, bonus if one or both eats the other out while she’s menstruating.” 

Pretty standard stuff, nothing that off the wall from my perspective, however, some folks might feel shy about asking for it for whatever reasons and so the anonymous format frees ppl up to ask for anything from: “Midshipman James McGraw getting caned in pre-canon by his superiors” to, idk, “full tentacle-y type oviposition porn where someone is being forced to come over and over again while being implanted with eggs by some giant plant beast on Skeleton Island (probably Silver).”

Literally ask for whatever smut you want~~ This is your chance, toss it into the pot! It will be tagged accordingly when posted if it’s filled, so live your truth, chase your bliss, know no shame, no one can see you~~

It is helpful when submitting a prompt to give details that are important to you, and the prompt filler will do their best with it. <3 So, I suggest giving a ship specification up front, maybe a vague timeline (season 1, season 2, etc), and then the kinks you want to see with a short description. Sort of like the MaxAnne period sex I gave an example of above.

Logistics and Structure of Submissions–

I have created a sideblog called @blacksailskmeme through which, once submissions are live (it will be open to accept prompts hopefully in March 2024), you may submit ANON ASK PROMPTS. I will publish them with a number and a link to the collection. If you like one of the prompts, simply post it through the collection with its corresponding number and then that AO3 link to your fill will be reblogged underneath the original ask prompt.

Simple as that! 

Follow the Event Blog, or the tag #2024BSKMemeFills in order to keep tabs on when prompts are filled. 

This makes it very easy for me and yall both, as there is no claiming process to trouble ourselves with. As many fills as are written are allowed for each prompt, simply write whatever speaks to you and I’ll be able to track the fills by the notifs on the collection. :DD

As of now, I’m planning to open prompts in March 2024 and keep the collection and blog running for prompts and fills both up through the end of Summer 2024. To respect the spirit of the event, all fills and prompts MUST be anonymous. Edit for clarification: The entire collection is marked Anonymous, which means any work submitted to it will be posted Anon. There is no option you need to worry about checking to guarantee this. I apologize for the initial confusing language, I have been learning as I go.

It still stands that if, after the event is closed, you want to then de-anon your work, that is your prerogative. However, it will mean you must remove the work from the collection, as the collection itself will forever and always remain anonymous.

Rules–

–This is an 18 plus event, please, as all of the content will be Explicit. 

–It is also a Black Sails Only Event, please no crossover prompts or fills. However, AU of all types are encouraged with our favorite pirates.

–All ships, all kinks, are welcome for submission, and the fill will then be tagged appropriately. If you have any questions on how to tag something, or just want another pair of eyes to confirm, you can always DM me <3

–Fills must be 500 words minimum of fic. There is no maximum and the fill is allowed to be WIP if you intend to write more chapters later. I would encourage that the content of the prompt be IN the first chapter at least before submission to the collection.

–We’re Gonna Be Nice and Civil!! No ship bashing, no kink shaming, we’re all mature adults here. If you don’t like something, then don’t fill it, don’t reblog it, don’t read it, pretend you do not see it. If you don’t like it, it’s not for you! 

If I haven’t covered everything here, or if you’re unsure about something, feel free to reach out to me either through the event blog or through @jaynovz <3 Also, if you’d like to help me out with the event, hit me up as well.

Thank you!

[magpiepills]

Ok. I’m reposting my masterlist. I’m sorry. I’m scheduling them for 4am EST so hopefully they won’t clog up everyone’s dash. I don’t know any other way. I won’t do them all at once, I’ll spread it out over a couple days by character so hopefully nobody gets annoyed with the all the posts. I’m also combining multi-part fics into single parts. Makes more sense like that, yes? Some might not make the cut! Idk. There’s a lot of them. I’ll mark them as reposts so if you read them before you can just skip them if you want. I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to interact with stuff they already interacted with before, ya know? My feelings won’t be hurt, I just want to have the stuff I made available. I appreciate your love and patience.

[its-raining-brellies]

IM WATCHING THE TRAILWR

it came out at like 4am my time which is really sad so i’ve only just seen it…

First it has them walking in the mansion? Is that their mansion? Their mansion is in disrepair!!!!!!!

This is Reginald’s speech from the fucking bank robbery sequence?????? REGINALD’S SPEECH FROM THE BANK ROBBERY SEQUENCE????? S1E1??? Circular structure?????? CIRCULAR NARRATIVW??? I love a circular narrative i pricked my ears like a terrier when I noticed that 😂

Wait one second

“Hargreeves’ home for wayward boys”

It’s not any academy, it’s an orphanage????? Who are the orphans? Is this designed to have Five in it? I’ve read whump fics where Five gets kidnapped and taken to an evil orphanage run by Reggie. Canon,???

Ohhh a subway station. Interesting. I love some good train imagery I do

Viktor and Five collab huzzah!!! Or is that Ben sitting at the bar? Is this non-time travelling Ben as was seen in the s3 finale?

OH WE FINALLY GET TO MEET CLAIRE GO US

What did Ben do to get himself in prison?

WHO is that woman by the piñata and why is it not Lila?

LUTHEE IS GOING TO SPACE AGAIN… oh God, that’s going to be really difficult for him due to the general trauma of being left on the moon. :(

this is the bad photo that Luther took btw:

allison looks so cool 👌 the hair and shoes and coat are awesome. also I like Five’s design this season- it’s better than the godawful side part at least!

So we have Five and Allison walking together first. That makes sense, they’re obviously the ones who make decisions and do sensible things for the most part, Allison’s character change in s3 notwithstanding. Followed then by Lila and Viktor. Idk if there is any significance to that.

When they’re walking, you can see Five, Allison, Lila, Viktor and Ben. Not anybody else. 🤔 Intriguing! Where are Klaus and Diego!

The shouting getting in the van is so in character I love them

“HELL YES LETS GO KILL THIS BITCHHHH” “This is a rescue mission.” And Klaus has a paper bag. Why does Klaus have a paper bag?

EVIL REGINALD DRONES CANON??? :( that seems boring ngl can’t have them fighting evil drones!

WAit. Lila is looking at this train map. The station is empty. AHAT IF THE TRAIN IS THE TELEVATOR?????? It’s certainly not just a train, they’ve all been on it alone and it does something very interesting. I want to know about the train. Televator is a solid theory I think.

Allison and Luther walking up to a mansion… I feel this has something to do with Claire. Maybe Claire or Ray is in the mansion and Luther is for emotional support?

Is that Ben that Viktor’s beating up ???? Viktor beating someone up is in and of itself very novel. What’s going on with that?

oooh Diego and Five? Five would win no doubt. I’ve not seen any of his powers this trailer though… which is curious.

Oh who are these dancing people? Maybe this is Gene and Jean Thibideau.

I can’t see them clearly sadly. I’ll have a look on Netflix rather than Youtube, see if I can identify them, but can’t take screenshots on Netflix.

Is that Five and Lila in the apocalypse? God, I would quite like to see Five have a mental breakdown over being once again in the apocalypse. Tbh I would quite like to see Five have a mental breakdown full stop. If they put him there and don’t have him crumble I’m gonna be annoyed.

Woman in a burger shop producing guns? Agnes Rofa?

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND. Lila is absolutely sobbing into Five’s shoulder. What happened? Did her and Diego’s child die? Did Diego die? Do I need to get annoyed at Five being kind to an out-of-character extent? I MUST KNOW ALL. Either way, between this and the apocalypse moment I’m glad to see some Five/Lila bonding time.

OH NO REGGIE PUT THEM I. A MACHINE AGAIN. DONT PUT THE BRELLIES IN A MACHINE THATS AN AWFUL PLAN TJATLL HURT TBEM

Is this a Hargreeves family Christmas I see going on?

GUYS ITS OKAY FIVE TELEPORTED. it’s okay. Five teleported. Is he in the paradox-proof room? Commission origin story? Well, that shot is promising, as Five Commission origin story is soemthing I’m itching to hear.

Dare I ask why Santa has guns?

Is that a child’s arm with an Umbrella Academy tattoo? Is it Five? Are there new children again? EXPLINNNN PLEASE

Klaus running a séance. Is he going to be a scam fortune teller person? That would be so cool, he’d thrive doing that.

The car sans Viktor and everybody looking horrified. What does that mean for Viktor? Is he the one who dies? It would make the most sense I fear.

Okay between Luther in a ball pit and Diego by the piñata, there’s definitely a child’s birthday party that happens. Claire’s? Or Diego and Lila’s child’s? We will find out. I look forward to it in either case, that will doubtless be very entertaining.

Whose hands are those making the sinister looking deal?

Why are Viktor’s powers gold now? They were blue.

Is that Jean Thibideau that Luther’s throwing through a window?

I think this last sequence is just showing them all using their powers.

I gotta say I’m disappointed that there aren’t any moments that made me giggle like there were in the other trailers. :/. Is this season gonna be unfunny?

Also I’m annoyed that Five seems to be sticking with his much calmer s3 personality rather than being his usual unhinged self that we know and love.

[tailsmillion]

Mmm time for unhinged 4am tangent

I need to get this out somewhere i suppose

And it’s that kind of thing which you don’t really want people to see but also really want to talk about with the people you don’t want to tell

Y’know? (I don’t think that made sense)

I promise I’m not on any drugs (just very tired it’s been a long day me and my mothers relationship is on the rocks and I can’t do much about it)

Anyways

I crave

Touch

Just like in general

Is it just me or

Cus it’s great

I love hugs

I’d hold hands if I were allowed

Almost any form of touch makes me feel nice

Heck kisses are legendary (but I known ain’t gettin much of that)

Plus I get like mad goosebumps whenever my (like literally entire body outside of hands and head) are just breezed past barely in contact

The good kind of goosebumps mind you

Just from certain people though

With some it’s uncomfortable (Highly related to my relationship with them(*cough* brother *cough*))

But with certain peeps

It’s like pure bliss

Is feel nice

And though it sounds real suspicious when I say the sentence “I crave touch” I honestly can’t disagree

The moments where it feels like just you and them and you’re hugging and the sorrows drip away while dopamine floods my brain

That’s the best way to explain it

Just

Ironically enough

From whom I crave it the most

Is from whom I get the least of

But such is life

And I can’t exactly do much to change it

Cus straight up asking feels real weird (though I have on occasion been instructed to do precisely that(though I am not nearly brave enough to ask EVERY time I want to hug or cuddle or (you get the gist) but euhhg I want to so bad)

So I’m left to enjoy what I have

And I do

Quite a lot many a times

But sometimes I’m left wanting more

And that’s kinda selfish

Which is why I don’t

I guess

Idk

Feelings is hard

Imma sleep now

Or try atleast

It took me an hour and a half yesterday to fall asleep

Some stuff is just flooding my brain hole

And I don’t feel qualified to deal with it

The world sees me as a bit too adult already

And now I’m supposed to make like 5 permanently life altering decisions

Throwing away some of my beloved social activities so I can “Focus on my own growth” or something like that

Man

Life is also hard

Gnight

I’m promising myself right now to not delete this

Because eventually it’ll be nice to have a pure replication of my feelings in text

I had a bunch of those in the notes app

But then I lost phone

And now it’s an apple instead

I’m not a tech whiz

Maybe I just deleted them and forgot

[irlbkgs]

4am (almost 5am) thoughts time… do you think it’s possible to simultaneously kin and selfship (platonically with someone)? because logically that would be besties with yourself, yeah? and for my bpd brain, that doesn’t make sense At All. because i have someone on my kinsider list but also… bestie!! so i’m just a lil lost with that. i also know do whatever you want forever etc, but i want Real Opinions on this because my brain needs that ykwim?

its funny you ask me this bc ive had the same issue for yearssss in regards to edward nygma and whether or not i kin or selfship and for awhile i thought it was kin (he's on the list for a reason...) but i think im starting to realize it's not and i actually kin penguin who's obsessed with him. consequences of kinning this freak you want a guy so bad you try to become him idk 🤷‍♀️

anyways yeah, idk if that is very helpful info but i don't think it's out of the possibility! i think at the end of the day people usually only kin characters that they like and relate to. like i wouldn't kin a character if i related to them but found them to be an unforgivable bitch ykwim? also like for me kinning is to a certain extent learning to hate myself less bc if i like these characters through all their worsts then i can forgive myself for little things right? so i think u can feel like a character and also like them enough to want to be their friend as well

but yeah tldr i think u can do this if it feels right and sometimes u just become obsessed with a little guy in a way that makes u wanna be them and be on the receiving end of their friendship

[vanillaheartzxx]

OH MY GOD SPOILERS ⚠️

(you probably know what the spoiler warning is for)

quinn’s stuff ahead! (spoilers)⚠️

i’m talking out of my ass and these are just my first thoughts i just wanted them down and i wanted to hear others opinions so here’s just everything (from first and second video)

first let me say i was a little bit more than overjoyed to know that quinn would be voiced by good boy audios (HE DID ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR) jaw dropped when i saw but in the absolute best way possible I LOVED ITTT

but i did fully believed quinn would’ve had this monotone voice (dull..?) + personality, calm but heinous. i did NOT think he would be so sadistic and vile, (up beat? like cocky, saying the most gruesome shit with a smile) like holy shit 😭

I DIDNT THINK HE’D TALK SO MUCH LITERAL SHIT EITHER

the things he said about darlin like i had to take a pause before i could keep watching, and the clock and time ticking at the end?! (and throughout the video) they probably had to spend hours in there, watching their mate and their ex talk about gruesome things that they probably never wanted sam to have to know about, just trying to help the girl.

i’m going to be honest, i thought there would be a bit mor going on, the capturing was bit anticlimactic (?), but it’s not over yet. and there’s probably something exciting still coming. (IM NOT MAD EITHER, THEY NEED PEACE IN THEIR LIVES. AND ILL BE HAPPY WITH WHATEVER HAPPENS AS LONG AS THEY ALIVE <3)

ALSO someone said he WANTED to get caught on purpose which i now believe wholeheartedly, but it obviously begs the question, WHY would he want to be captured.

the reason i think he purposely got caught was because did he REALLY just fall for the trap and get caught?? he is so old (vampire old so yk strength and ig? intelligence? wit?? idk). how did he even just GET caught? like with HIS strength? how many department members were there? and also how “happy” he sounds??

and like are they really gonna just let him rot and give him a blood forever and ever? i feel like quinn being in cage for probably eternity is just yk no real closure?(i mean sure justice) like i feel like he should just be put down, (putting it nicely) or TRY to get rehabilitated (kinda like the vega situation), but then again he’s like a master manipulator or whatever, so whatever they try to do to help probably isn’t gonna work.

and what if there is no girl and he is just trying to torture darlin, by torturing sam, with a stories about their relationship and other things they never thought would get out. (okay there probably is a girl but he’s more evil than i thought initially) and what if it’s just a trap? (and i said i didn’t like angst, i need to put these thoughts away)

and i apologize, but if i was darlin and my mate was in a room alone with my crazy ex bf who is way stronger than him, was practically torturing him by saying the most gruesome, terrible things in DETAIL, i would get fed up and just go in there. and what kind of restraints does he have in there? handcuffs? is he half fed in there?? how is he just alone with sam like sam can still get hurt. and where did david go? (ik hes busy and got his own life) maybe there’s a ward protecting sam idk.

(ALSO UHM DO U THINK THE GIRL QUINN HAS IS KAYLA GUY AND HONEY’S OLD ROOMMATE? (I LIKE THE AMANDA THEORY AND ESPECIALLY THE ALEXIS ONE, BUT JUST TAKING EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF)

anyways just needed to get everything out before the next episode, sorry a lot of questions but i hope everything goes well for them 🙏

apologies for grammar mistakes/idea repetition and things just not making sense i burned myself earlier and its 4am lmao but thank you for reading 🎀💓

[lucysweatslove]

Updates regarding ADHD diagnosis and treatment!

The neuropsychologist finally billed me. By this, I mean I guess I was technically billed over a week ago, but I never received an email or any communication about said bill. I decided to log in to the portal yesterday to check, and I saw the invoice was just sitting there. It’s still ridiculous that the whole thing cost me $360, more ridiculous that thousands was billed to insurance, and also annoying that I could’ve had my report this last week if I had received communication that I was invoiced and had a balance to pay. But, at least it’s done, and I should hopefully have the full report sometime this upcoming week.

My insurance apparently did have an issue with the Strattera and did require a PA. I thought it needed that, then they filled it but my Wellbutrin was delayed which took another week… I ended up picking them both up at the start of June, and the pharmacy tech was all “oh it looks like insurance still needs a prior authorization for the atomoxetine.” She pressed some buttons and then it went through, only a $10 copay which is fine, but I got a mail letter for insurance recently basically stating that my medication had required a preauth and oh yeah a 30 day supply retails for over $1000?? But then it’s on the formulary and the “discount price” is only $68.30. It’s just weird to me that the pharmacy / pharmaceutical companies can say it’s basically $34.50/day (that’s $17.25 for ONE single capsule) if you don’t have insurance. Random rant- while I think insurance is great in general I wish routine healthcare was much more affordable without it and insurance could be used for the “oh shit” moments. Like car insurance- it doesn’t pay for gas or routine maintenance or new tires or whatever but will if you get into an accident (although I will say, gas is expensive but at least it’s not $34.50/day expensive). Yeah programs like goodrx exist and are great, but if anybody can use those, why the exorbitant pricing up front? Why not just… make things accessible? The people who need the lower prices the most are those who can’t afford insurance, may not have access to goodrx / maybe wouldn’t even know about it… idk.

Anyway I started the Strattera last week- maybe Wednesday? I can’t remember the exact day now. I’m only taking 18mg which is a pretty low dose but I am getting annoying side effects already. Hypersomnulence during the daytime (literally like 2hr long naps that I can’t fight off midday), but then sleep maintenance insomnia at night where I wake up at like 4AM, still tired, but I can’t fall back asleep easily. Also an increase in general aches (ironic to me as duloxetine, which also has norepi function, is often used for some chronic pain), headaches, and horrible tummy troubles (feels like the food poisoning all over again). Those could be related to my period though- it’s just worse than what I normally experience in my cycle. Thankfully I haven’t noticed any real effect on my heart- I don’t feel weird or fluttery which was a concern I had. But alsoX I don’t notice any effect yet on my executive functioning, which makes sense since it isn’t an instant medication and the normal starting dose for adults is 40mg (so I’m taking literally less than half of that). I am still trying it out, holding out hope that side effects will stop enough that I can increase the dose and try 36mg for a week or so before I see the psych NP next, but I’m not optimistic it’s going to be a good, effective medication for me.