#Can it be called a comfort show if it emotionally devastates me each time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

live-the-fangirl-life · 3 years ago

Text

The Last One

The Court - Throne of Glass x FRIENDS - Fic Series

S10, E17/18 : Rowan, after realizing he's still in love with Aelin, chases her down, refusing to let her go. Meanwhile, Elide and Lorcan welcome their baby...or babies, into the world.

Episode chosen for Rowaelin Month 2021. Day 12: Delayed Love Confession

Fic Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Read on Ao3 | Rowaelin Month Masterlist

Warnings: Language, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of Birth

7860 words

*******

Rowan woke up to the bed shifting. He cracked an eye open, still cloudy with sleep, and watched Aelin sit on the opposite edge while she pulled her shirt over her head, concealing the bare expanse of her back.

“Hey.” He croaked, voice still rough.

She turned and gave him a soft smile, whispering, “Go back to sleep, I have to go home.”

Rowan wanted nothing more than for Aelin to never leave his bed, but he knew she had things to do so instead he said, “Oh, okay.” He reached a hand across the sheets and grabbed hers, “Last night was amazing.”

She finished putting on one of her shoes and looked back at him with that same soft smile, “It really was.”

Rowan tried to read the emotions that flashed across her face but then she was standing and bending over to draw him into one last kiss. Her palm rested on his cheek while his gently cupped the back of her head before they pulled away. Rowan kept his eyes on Aelin as she left his room and he didn’t fall back onto his pillow until he heard the sound of his apartment door clicking shut behind her.

***

Elide was scared. Scratch that—terrified. Elide was terrified, but she kept her calm as best as she could while she held Asterin’s hand.

Elide had thanked all the gods she could name for Asterin coming into her and Lorcan’s lives. After getting married and enjoying the first few months of bliss, she and Lorcan decided to try having a baby, but after months of negative pregnancy tests and too many doctors visits, they were told it likely would never happen for them. Devastated, they thought through their options and settled on adoption. But even then, they knew it would take some time.

Elide remembered some afternoons spending hours sitting by the phone desperately hoping it would ring and be someone from the adoption agency to tell them they’d been picked. When they’d finally gotten the call and met Asterin, a young woman who was looking for the perfect parents for her baby, they knew it was meant to be.

Now, standing in the delivery room, Elide held Asterin’s hand as the woman powered through another contraction.

“Breathe, breathe, breathe,” Elide coached encouragingly, “good.”

“Are you fully taking over, or do I get to say breathe?” Lorcan asked as he walked to Elide’s side beside the bed.

She scoffed and tilted her head to meet his eyes. “No. Last time, you said it like a sociopath, and it creeped her out.” She turned back towards Asterin who looked tired, “Can I get you anything? Ice chips?”

“No,” Asterin shook her head, “I’m okay.”

Elide nodded and smiled, “Alright, I’ll be right back.”

As she started to walk out of the room, Lorcan’s hand shot out and gripped her elbow, stopping her.

“Where are you going?” He asked. She could almost detect a hint of nerves as he spoke.

Elide raised a brow, “To the bathroom.”

Lorcan lowered his voice so that only Elide could hear. “You can't leave me alone with her.”

“What?” She asked incredulously.

Lorcan ran a hand through his long hair, and now she could definitely see nervousness etched across his face. “This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with” he grumbled.

Elide snorted, “What kind of social situation are you comfortable with?”

He leveled a stare at her. “It's just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.”

Elide rolled her eyes at her husband, “You’ll be fine,” she took a step and turned back, giving him a small smirk, “No, you won't, but I'll be back in two minutes.”

Lorcan sighed but grumbled okay.

He walked back over to the woman lying in the hospital bed, trying his best to seem calm, but by the grimace she shot him, he wasn't doing a very good job.

“So, uh,” He grasped for something to say, “any plans for the summer?”

“I don't know, maybe travel? I wanna do some flying again.”

Lorcan hummed, still not sure what to say. If Elide had still been in the room, she’d have laughed at how ridiculous he looked. Standing well above six feet, with his hands fidgeting and swaying on his toes from being so uncomfortable in the moment.

“So, you ever wonder which is worse, you know; going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?” Lorcan asked the first thing that came to mind and immediately regretted it. He should've just kept his mouth shut.

“What?” Asterin asked, her eyebrows scrunching in disbelief.

“I mean, uh,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “One of life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things?” Lorcan cringed and suggested, “like this.”

***

Lysandra walked into Fenrys’ apartment to see him holding two small fuzzy animals.

“Good morning,” She said hesitantly.

“Hey!” Fenrys grinned, lifting up the creatures.

“What's that?” Aedion asked, following Lysandra into the room.

Fenrys grinned, “It's my house-warming present for Elide and Lorcan.”

Lysandra and Aedion shared a look.

“It's a baby chick and duck,” Lysandra said, unnecessarily. “You know they’re living in the suburbs right?”

“Uh-huh,” Fenrys nodded, “And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.”

Aedion snorted, “I didn’t see that coming.”

“Yeah, I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know?” Fenrys set the animals down, “It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Lorcan took the other chick and duck to.”

Lysandra raised a brow at Fenrys and hummed, unable to say what she actually wanted to say.

Aedion barely held in a grin as he nodded sagely to Lysandra and mocked, “Yeah. It's a shame people can't visit there.”

Fenrys was cut off as Rowan showed up and joined them in the apartment,

“Guess what?” Lysandra whirled on Rowan, smiling, “we’re almost all aunties and uncles!”

“What?” Rowan asked, confused.

“Yeah,” Fenrys said, “Asterin went into labor last night. Elide and Lorcan are at the hospital right now!”

“Oh, my gods.” Rowan grinned at the thought of a massive Lorcan holding a tiny baby. He shook his head, glancing around, “Is Aelin here?”

Fenrys glanced towards Aelin’s room, “Uh, I think she's still asleep. Hey, how did it go with you guys last night? She seemed pretty pissed at you.”

Rowan couldn’t—wouldn’t—suppress his smile as he thought about the night before. Being with Aelin again was better than he remembered, and he cursed himself for all the time they’d missed out on.

“Yeah, we, uh, we worked things out.”

Lysandra’s eyes widened as she watched him, “What's that smile? Did something happen with you two?”

Rowan chuckled, “Hey, I'm not one to kiss and tell,” then he muttered, “but I'm also not one to have sex and shut up.”

Apparentally, his last words weren't as quiet as he thought.

Aedion groaned, wincing “Dude, that's my cousin.”

Rowan ignored Aedion as Fernys laughed, “Oh my gods, You and Aelin?”

“I know, it's great.” Rowan didn't think his grin could get any wider.

Lysandra hugged him, squealing, “So what does that mean? Are you guys getting back together?”

“I…” He trailed off, frowning. They hadn’t actually talked about it before Aelin had left earlier that morning. “I don't know. We didn't really get to talk about it.”

“But do you wanna get back together?” She pushed.

Rowan didn’t hesitate as he said with certainty, “Yeah, I do. it just felt so right. When I was holding her, I mean, I never wanted to let her go. I want to be together.”

Lysandra, Aedion, and Ferys all had matching smiles as they listened to Rowan.

Then Fenrys spoke up and Rowan felt himself deflate.

“So is she still going to Paris?” He asked, still holding the small animals.

Rowan had been so caught up in the happiness of last night and that morning that he’d completely forgot the reason why he and Aelin had been so emotionally worked up their argument caused the tension to finally snap, leading them to spend the night together.

Aelin had been offered an amazing job. A perfect job. Perfect, except for the fact that it was in Paris and not New York

She'd had said goodbye to each of their friends. Except him. She’d cried and laughed and reminisced with all of them. Except for Rowan.

He’d been so upset, so angry. How could Aelin not have anything to say to him, after all these years, after all they’d been through?

When he’d confronted her, she’d told him, devastated, “If you think I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me.”

He’d stopped her, not needing to hear anymore as he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in for a searing kiss. She’d been shocked, unprepared for Rowan’s actions. She’d stepped away, searching his face, before pulling him towards her and kissing him again.

Gods, how could he have forgotten that she was leaving?

“Wow, I hadn't thought of that. I hope not.” Rowan didn't know how he would deal with Aelin leaving now. He’d just realized that he still loved her, and now he might lose her. But how could he expect her, or ask her, to stay? What kind of person would that make him? A desperate one? A man in love? Or an overreaching, entitled one who thought he could step in the way of one of the best opportunities she'd ever been given?

He would have to talk to her before he spiraled any further.

“Oh, this is so great!” Lysandra exclaimed, unaware of Rowan’s churning thoughts, “You guys might get back together, Elide and Lorcan are getting their baby, and there are chicks and ducks in the world again!

They all looked towards the sound of a door opening to see Aelin emerge from her room.

“Good morning,” She smiled at them and ignored the pointed looks and wiggling eyebrows of her friends.

“Hey,” Rowan smiled at her.

She walked up to him and greeted him quietly, “Hey.”

“How’d you sleep?”

She smiled, “Good, you?”

He matched her grin, “Good.”

Fenrys snorted, “I bet you did!”

Aelin flipped him off, shooing him, Lysandra, and Aedion away. Once they’d left, Rowan cupped her face and swooped down to kiss her. It felt like coming home.

When they broke apart, they both wore soft smiles.

“Last night was wonderful,” Aelin told him, rubbing a hand down his arm.

“Yeah, it was.”

She kept her eyes on his as she told him, “I woke up today with the biggest smile on my face.”

He tried to keep the satisfaction off his face but failed and she huffed a laugh, rolling her eyes before softening her features again.

“I know, me too,” Rowan told her, moving one thumb to brush along her cheek. “It was...you know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen, and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.”

She nodded, “I know,” Aelin leaned up to press another soft kiss to his lips before pulling him into a hug to say into his ear, “it was just the perfect way to say goodbye.”

In that moment, at her words, Rowan felt like his heart shattered into a million little pieces.

***

The hospital room buzzed with excitement.

“It's just a little bit more, honey.” Elide held Asterin’s hand as the young woman pushed again.

She sobbed, more in frustration than anything else “Help me! This hurts!”

Lorcan stood a step back and asked, “Is it really that bad?”

Both women glared at him with a ferocity that made him want to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground.

“Yeah,” Asterin answered through gritted teeth, “I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!”

Elide sighed as she was reminded of the words Lorcan reluctantly relayed to her earlier. She looked back at him, “No tact.”

The doctor cleared his throat, drawing all their attention towards him, “The baby's head is crowning.”

“Oh my God!” Elide cried, walking around to see, “That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Lorcan, you have to see this!”

Lorcan had never looked more uncomfortable. “I'm okay.”

Elide whirled on him, “Lorcan, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child!”

His child. The words rang through him and sparked some sense of resolve. He shook himself of his discomfort, outwardly at least, and stepped up behind Elide to see what she was seeing.

“Wow.” He murmured reverently, “Disgusting.”

Elide scoffed but Loracn gripped her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

“Here we go,” The doctor said, glancing back up at Asterin “Start pushing.”

A shill cry broke through the air and Elide and Lorcan watched as the doctor held up a beautiful little baby. When Elide ripped her eyes away from the infant as the nurses cleaned it, she looked up to find Lorcan already staring at her with tears in his eyes. They didn’t have to say anything, they both felt the same overwhelming sense of love.

“It’s a boy.” The doctor said, leaning back and adjusting his gloves.

“A...a boy!” Elide beamed at Lorcan as he stood open-mouthed before showing her the widest smile she’d ever seen on the man.

“A boy.” He breathed.

“Oh, you did it!” Elide went back to Asterin’s head and wiped the sweat from her forehead. She leaned closer to the girl and whispered, “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Asterin smiled at them both, “I'm really happy for you guys.”

“How do you feel?” Lorcan asked.

She sighed, “So tired.”

The doctor sat back into position, saying, “Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.”

The hand Lorcan had been rubbing down Elide’s back froze, as did both of their breathing as they slowly turned to face the doctor with eyebrows up to their hairlines.

“I’m sorry,” Elide said slowly, aware that Lorcan hadn’t resumed breathing yet, “who should be along in a what now?”

The doctor gave them a weird look, “The next baby should be along in a minute.”

“One.” Lorcan finally regained his ability to speak. “One baby. We signed up for one baby.”

“You know it's twins, right?” The doctor asked slowly

Elide laughed hysterically, “Oh, yeah! These are the faces of two people in the know!”

“I…” The doctor trailed off, “I can't believe you didn't know it's twins! This has never happened before.”

“Oh wow,” Loracn snorted incredulously, “That makes me feel so much better.” He ran an agitated hand through his hair.

“Wait,” Elide faced the doctor, “did you know it was twins?”

He nodded slowly, “Yeah, it's here in the paperwork we got from the clinic.”

Elide then spun around to Asterin, “Anybody tell you?”

Asterin furrowed her brows, “I don't think so. Not explicitly.” she insisted. “they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying both heartbeats are really strong, and I thought well, that's good 'cause I'm having a baby.”

Elide let out a shaky breath trying to wrap her mind around what was happening. “This is unbelievable.”

Lorcan gripped Elide’s arm and tugged into the corner of the room. “Can I see you for a second?”

Elide had never in her life seen Lorcan look more unsure of what to do. His hands were shaky as he gripped hers. “What do we do?”

She took a deep breath and looked directly into his eyes. “What do you mean what do we do?”

“Twins.” He stated urgently, “Twins!”

Seeing Lorcan so frazzled oddly calmed Elide down. “Lorcan, you’re panicking.”

“I sure as fuck am, join me!”

She cracked a half-smile, “Lorcan, take a breath, it’s going to be okay.”

“Elide, we are not ready to have two babies!” his eyes were still wide in shock and fear.

“That doesn’t matter!” she hissed, grabbing his arms and making him focus on her. “We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies! We are taking them home because they are our children!”

Lorcan’s face softened and she watched as a steady resolve found its way across his face and through his body. They took a breath together and he pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead gently. When he pulled away, he had a small smile reserved only for her. “Okay.”

“Okay,” she repeated, her arms still wrapped around him.

“Okay.”

“Okay!”

“Okay!” he laughed, and this time it wasn’t fear clouding the sound, but joy.

“It looks like we're about ready over here.” the doctor called, and Elide and Lorcan walked back towards Asterin.

When another cry sounded, the doctor lifted the second baby, declaring, “It’s a girl.”

“A girl?” Lorcan asked quietly, a smile growing.

“Indeed.” The doctor replied, passing her to be cleaned up.

Spinning towards Elide, Lorcan said excitedly, “Well now we have two different ones!” then he whirled back to the doctor and put on his stoniest glare, “And that's enough!”

***

Lysandra, Aedion, Fenrys, and Rowan sat in the coffee house, Cadre Coffee, as Rowan told them what Aelin had said earlier.

“And then she hugged me and said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.” Even repeating it now, felt like chewing on broken glass.

“What did you say?” Fenrys pried.

Rowan sputtered, “Nothing. What do you say to that?” What could he say to that?

“Rowan,” Lysandra pleaded, “you've got to tell her how you feel.”

“I can’t do that to her.” He sighed, defeated. “I can’t lay that on her right before she’s supposed to leave.”

“Rowan,” Aedion leaned forward, making sure he held the silver-haired man’s attention, “Aelin doesn't know that you wanna get back together. If she did, she might feel differently. She might not even go.”

“You really think so?” he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

Just then, Aelin breezed into the coffee shop.

“Hi, guys!” She waved before walking up the counter.

Rowan watched her a moment. “Alright, you know what? You're right. I should at least tell her how I feel.” He could do that. He had to do that.

"Rowan, wait!" Fenrys called from behind him.

Rowan spun around, "What?"

Fenrys grinned, "Can you get me a muffin?"

Rowan gave him a one-finger response and took a step towards Aelin.

“Aelin?” Nox, the barista who’d worked at the coffee house for as long as any of them could remember, got her attention.

“Yeah?”

“I know you’re leaving tonight, but I just have to tell you. I love you.”

Rowan stood frozen in place, mouth open, as he watched the scene unfold.

“I... I don't know if that changes your plans at all, but I thought you should know.” Nox nodded earnestly.

“Nox, Oh,” She placed a hand on his shoulder, “I love you too. Probably not in the same way, but I do. And, and when I'm in a café, having coffee, I'll think of you.” She kissed his cheek before waving towards the group and leaving the coffee house.

Rowan sat down, meeting the shocked gazes of his friends. “Oh, my gods!”

Lysandra snorted, “Unbelievable!”

"Hey," Fenrys leaned forward, "you know what might help?"

Rowan glared at him and scoffed, "I'm not getting you a muffin!"

***

“We're going to take Asterin to recovery now.” The nurse told Elide and Lorcan as they each held one of their babies.

“Oh wait,” Elide caught Asterin’s hand, “There's something that we want to tell you. We decided to name the girl-baby Asterin.”

She smiled, “Oh, that’s just like my name!”

Elide held in a laugh. It was clear Asterin was either still on some medications or just very, very tired.

“Okay,” the blonde woman said, “I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Lorcan.”

Despite his eye roll, Elide saw the pride and gratitude in Lorcan’s eyes.

“Bye, Asterin.” Elide called as she was pushed out of the delivery room.

“Bye.”

Moving closer to Lorcan, Elide cooed, “Oh look at all their teeny fingers and toes.”

“I know,” he smiled widely, making him look younger, “You ready to trade?”

“Okay!” They tried maneuvering a few different ways but eventually gave up. Switching babies when you only have two hands is not an easy feat. “Alright, let’s see…”

“Maybe later?” he suggested.

“Perfect.”

***

At Elide and Lorcan’s apartment, Lysandra found Fenrys hunched over the coffee table.

“Hey, what are you working on?” She asked, walking into the living room.

He grinned, “It’s a ��Welcome Home’ sign for the baby.” He held up the large sign which read Welcome Home Baby in red paint beside a funky-shaped red blob.

“Uh,” Lysandra squinted, “Is that supposed to be the baby?”

Fenrys rubbed the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “No, I sat in the paint.”

She snorted just as Rowan walked in.

“Hey,” He nodded at them.

“Hey, so did you talk to Aelin?” Lysandra asked.

Rowan ran his hand through his hair and sighed, “No, and I'm not going to.”

“What?” Lysandra asked incredulously at the same time Fenrys jumped up and asked, “Why not?”

Rowan dropped into a seat at the kitchen table. “Because she's just going to shoot me down. You guys saw what happened with Nox.”

Lysandra scoffed and lightly hit him upside the head. “How can you compare yourself to Nox? I mean, sure, he's sexy in a more obvious way.” She smirked as Rowan glared. “You have a relationship with her, you slept together last night. For gods’ sake, you’re Rowan and Aelin! You’re Rowaelin!”

Rowan huffed, standing up, and told her harshly, “Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where her head is at.” He sighed, shoulders slumping. “Look, even if I were going to tell her, I don't have to do it now. Okay? I'll be seeing her again. We've got time.”

“Gods, Rowan!” Lysandra tried to make him see reason. “No, you don't! She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris?”

The door opened before Rowan could get another word in and Aedion strode in carrying a rolled-up paper.

“Hey,” He said as he walked over to Lysandra to kiss her before setting the paper on the table.

“Hey, babe,” Lysandra smiled. “Whatcha got?”

“Oh,” Aedion brightened and unrolled the piece of paper. “I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but.” He shrugged, revealing a precisely drawn sign reading Welcome to the World, Baby Lochan.

“Damn, Ashryver,” Rowan nodded appreciatively “that’s really good.”

Fenrys scoffed, still standing next to his sign, and rolled his eyes, grumbling, “You know, the baby can't read, Aedion.”

Lysandra laughed as Aelin opened the door and strode in.

“Hi. You guys, my car just got here,” she said dejectedly. “I can't believe they're not home yet! I have to catch my stupid plane. I wanna see the baby!”

Fenrys spoke up, “Elide called a few minutes ago from the car. She said they should be here any minute. And apparently, there's some big surprise?”

As if on cue, Elide carefully pushed the door open and stepped inside carrying a small baby.

Aelin couldn’t hold in her gasp and none of them tried to hide the misting in their eyes.

“Oh, my gods!” Aelin beamed as she walked to Elide, resting a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh, El!” Lysandra gushed, rushing forward.

“So tiny,” Rowan murmured, coming up next to Elide as Fernys and Aedion joined the small group, too.

They turned as they heard another set of footsteps enter, turning to see Lorcan walk in carrying his own small bundle.

“Oh!”

“What the—”

“What?”

“Oh, my gods!”

“Holy sh—”

Five different exclamations happened simultaneously as all their eyes darted between the two babies.

Rowan shook himself and clasped Lorcan on the shoulder, “Okay, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?”

Lorcan glared at Rowan but neither man could keep the grins off their faces as they looked down at the infants.

“Yes, Whitethorn, it’s twins.”

“They’re precious,” Lysandra cooed, making funny faces at the one in Elide’s arms. Aelin, having said hello to that baby, stepped next to Rowan to gaze down at the one Lorcan held.

“This is a boy,” Elide told them, gesturing to the one she held. “And that’s a girl,” she nodded to Lorcan’s.

“Her name is Asterin,” Lorcan told them, not looking away from his daughter’s face.

“Oh, hey, that pregnant lady’s name was Asterin.” Fenrys nodded.

Aedion snorted, “It’s a shame you two didn’t spend more time together.”

Aelin aww’d and patted Lorcan’s arm, the two of them sharing a rare, warm smile.

“The boy we named Cal, after my dad.”

“Oh, you guys,” Aelin whined, “I can't believe this. But I have to leave now, or I'm gonna miss my plane."

“I’m just so glad you got to meet them,” Elide said, watery, pulling Aelin into a hug.

“Me, too,” Aelin told her. “I'm just sorry I'm not gonna be around to watch you two attempt to handle this! Alright, I can't say goodbye to you guys again. I love you all so much.”

I love yous were exchanged and Aelin walked to the door.

“Rowan?” She caught his eye, “come here.”

He nodded and followed her into the hall, shutting the apartment door behind him.

“Rowan, I,” She paused, grabbing his hands and looking into his face with such genuine sadness it made his heart crack and made him want to pull her into his arms and not let go. She took a breath and continued, “I just want you to know, last night...I'll never forget it.”

He cleared his throat, willing the lump in it to disappear. “Neither will I.”

He cupped her cheek and she leaned into the touch. Aelin pulled him in for a hug, holding on tight. When she pulled away, Rowan used every ounce of strength to unwrap his arms from her body, to step away as she walked down the hall and away from him.

When Rowan walked back into the apartment, Lysandra sat next to him and asked, “So, you just let her go?”

Rowan couldn’t reply, he just replayed the last two days over in his head.

“Maybe that's for the best.” Fenrys chimed in, taking up the empty chair. “You know? You just... Look, you gotta... You gotta think about last night the way she does, okay? Maybe sleeping together was the perfect way to say goodbye?"

Lysandra groaned, “But now she'll never know how he feels!”

Aedion walked over and said not unkindly, “Maybe that's okay. You know? Maybe, maybe it’s better this way? I mean, now you can move on. I mean, you've been trying to for so long, maybe now that you're on different continents…”

They kept talking but all Rowan could hear was a buzzing in his head.

“I don’t want to move on.”

He said it quietly but they all stopped talking and looked at him.

“What?” Aedion asked, unsure he heard Rowan correctly.

“I don’t.” Rowan shook his head and stood up. “I want to be with her.”

“Really?” Fenrys asked, excitedly

“Of course really!” Lysandra answered for him.

Rowan kept nodding. “Yeah, I’m gonna go after her. I have to.”

“Yeah, you are!” Lorcan cheered from the living room. Rowan didn’t even have time to find his friend’s enthusiasm funny.

“Finally!” Elide added her own cheer, smiling between Rowan and the babies.

“Come on,” Lysandra urged, standing up and following Rowan to the door. “My car’s downstairs, I’ll drive you to the airport.”

“Okay!” Rowan faced his friends again, “wish me luck!”

A chorus of Good Lucks followed him out the door.

***

“Hey,” Fenrys called excitedly to Lorcan and Eide once Rowan and Lysandra had left, “can I give you guys your house-warming present now?”

The couple shared an amused look before Elide told him, “Now, that you can do.”

“Great! Hang on a minute.” Fenrys left their apartment to walk across the hall to his.

“Okay, my little feather babies where are you?” he muttered as he caught sight of the empty box he’d put them in earlier. “Oh shit.”

He hastily looked in the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. “Chick Jr? Duck Jr?” he called, running a hand through his hair anxiously. “Don’t hide from mama!”

***

“Lysandra, slow down!” Rowan urged as they almost took out a bicyclist.

She rolled her eyes, “Do you wanna get to Aelin in time?

“Of course I do, but I want to be alive to do it.”

Lysandra huffed at his dramatics but eased up on the gas. Slightly.

Finally arriving at the airport, Rowan and Lysandra rushed past the hoards of people, trying to maneuver their way towards Aelin.

“Rowan!” Lysandra called as he made to run down the hallway. “Where are you going?”

“To talk to Aelin.” Obviously.

“What?” She grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the ticket counter. “What, are you just gonna walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?”

“Not since the last time I chased the love of my life—no I haven’t Lys!”

She rolled her eyes as she kept dragging him away from the terminals. “You have to get a ticket to get past security, Idiot.”

Oh, right.

“Shit, we’re never gonna make it.” he hissed as they got caught behind the human embodiments of snails on their way to the counter.

***

“Miss, your boarding pass, please.” The gate attendant asked Aelin as she approached.

“Right, of course.” She dug through her purse then frowned, not seeing it. Flashing an apologetic smile to the people behind her, she took her purse off her shoulder and rummaged through it frantically. “Shit, shit, shit.”

The attendant cleared his throat. “Your boarding pass.”

Internally cringing, she put on her most charming smile. “You know, I had it,” she forced a chuckle, “Oh, you wouldn’t believe this—”

He looked unimpressed. “Miss, if you don't have your boarding pass—”

“I have it, I have it! Okay, I don’t have it, but I remember that I was in seat 32C,” she leaned in closer and winked, “because that’s my bra size.”

He sighed again. “Miss, you must have your boarding pass.”

Aelin huffed and stepped out of the line. “Okay, fine! But you know what? If I was in 36D, we would not be having this problem.”

Muttering to herself, Aelin scoured all her bags, finally brandishing the ticket and rushing back to the counter. “Here it is!”

***

Finally getting up to the ticket counter, Rowan slammed down his wallet, demanding, “I need a ticket.”

Lysandra pouted. “Just one? I drive you all the way down here, and I don't get to see how it works out?”

“Fine, fine,” he corrected irritatedly, “two tickets, I need two tickets.”

Lysandra sighed dramatically and leaned into Rowan, giving him her most overexaggerated doe-eyes. “We're on our honeymoon” she stage-whispered to the woman behind the computer.

The ticket agent merely raised a manicured brow and asked, “Destination?”

Rowan already had his credit card ready, “whatever’s cheapest.”

Lysandra sighed again, “I’m so lucky.”

Rowan leveled a glare at her and she tried not to laugh.

Once inside the terminal, Rowan sprinted toward the first departure timetable he could find. “Okay, flight 421 to Paris. I don't see it, do you see it?”

Lysandra stood next to him, eyes scanning the board. “No, did we miss it?”

“No, no, no. That's impossible,” Rowan told her. “It doesn't leave for another 20 minutes.”

“Maybe we have the flight number wrong? Hang on, let me call Elide.”

She stepped aside, impatiently waiting for Elide to pick up her phone.

“Hello?” the new mom answered.

“Hey! It’s me. Here’s Rowan.” Then she thrust the phone into Rowan’s hand.

“Elide, do you—”

“Oh, my gods, Rowan, wait until you hear the cute little noises the twins are making. Listen.”

“What? No, Elide.” Rowan cursed as he heard unintelligible baby sounds. “Elide, Elide, Elide, Elide—”

“Oh sorry,” she said, “They were doing it before.”

“Elide! Listen, please. I need Aelin’s flight information.”

“Oh, sure, hang on.” he could hear ruffling paper as he paced back and forth. “Here it is, it's flight 421. Leaves at 8:40.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, its not on the board.

“Flight 421,” Elide repeated, “leaves at 8:40, Newark airport.”

Rowan froze, his heart sinking. “What?”

“Newark airport.” Elide gasped. “Where are you?”

But she already knew the answer.

“JFK.” he breathed, utterly defeated.

***

If Rowan wasn’t so upset, he would be fearing for his life as Lysandra sped through the streets at breakneck speed.

“Lysandra, forget it, okay? Newark is like an hour away. There's no way we're gonna make it in time.”

“She’s got her phone,” Lysandra braved a glance at him, narrowly avoiding another car, "you could call her.”

Rowan scoffed, “I am not doing this over the phone.”

“You don’t have any other choice!” She insisted before reaching for her own phone and calling Aelin.

It rang once. Twice.

“Hello? Lys?” Aelin’s voice rings out from the speaker and it was like a tether Rowan desperately wanted to hold onto.

“Aelin?” Lysandra answered, relieved. “oh, good. Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?”

“Yeah, I did.”

Leaning over, Lysandra hissed, “For what it's worth, we would have caught her if we were at the right airport.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” Rowan sniped.

“Uh, Ae, hang on,” she tried pushing the phone into Rowan’s hand but he adamantly refused to do this without being able to look Aelin in the eye.

“Lys? Is everything okay?” Aelin asked, worriedly.

Glaring at Rowan, Lysandra struggled to find a reason for calling. “Uhm, actually no. No, you've...you have to get off the plane.”

“What? Why?” Aelin sounded bewildered.

“I just,” Lysandra sighed, shooting another glare at Rowan, “I have this feeling that something's wrong with it. Something is wrong with the, uh,” she paused again before snapping her fingers and declaring, “with the left phalange.”

“Lys, babe, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane. Look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.”

***

On the plane, Aelin hung up the phone only to feel the man beside her tap insistently on her shoulder.

“What was that?” he asked, looking anxious.

“Oh,” Aelin waved a hand dismissively, “that was just my friend. She told me I should get off the plane because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left phalange.” She chuckled, sure it was just Lysandra’s way of finding an excuse to talk to her again before the flight took off.

But the man started to fidget. “Okay, that doesn't sound good.”

“I wouldn't worry about it.” Aelin again waved him off, “She's always coming up with stuff like this, and you know what? She's almost never right.”

“But she is sometimes?”

“Well…” Aelin trailed off, thinking about all the things Lysandra has had an intuition about.

Her hesitation was apparently enough to send her seatmate into a tail-spin because he instantly got up and tried to grab his suitcase, only for the flight attendant to stop him.

“Excuse me, sir, where are you going?” The woman asked, curtly.

“I have to get off this plane, okay?” he insisted, then gestured towards a wide-eyed Aelin. “Her friend has a feeling something's wrong with the left phalange.”

He said it loud enough that other passengers began to panic, while Aelin sheepishly shrugged at the annoyed flight attendant.

“There is nothing wrong with the plane, sir.”

He finally got his bag down and cried, “The left phalange!”

The attendant looked incredulously between the man and Aelin, “There is no phalange.”

“Oh my God. This plane doesn't even have a phalange!”

Aelin watched, wincing, as more passengers overheard and insisted they, too, get off the plane. Person after person marched out the aisle and soon Aelin loosed a long breath, “This is ridiculous,” she watched another two people leave. “Yeah, okay.”

Grabbing her own bag, she followed the crowd off the plane.

***

Rowan doubted he’d ever felt as frantic or desperate as he did right now.

He and Lysandra finally made it to Newark, bought another ticket, and raced to Aelin’s gate.

“Where is she?” He muttered, almost pulling out his hair with how forcefully he raked his hands through it.

“I don't see her,” Lysandra answered.

“Aelin!” Rowan shouted, not caring about the stares he garnered. “Aelin Galthynius!”

“Oh!” Lysandra gasped, pointing towards a crowd, “There she is!”

“Aelin!” He yelled again, pushing past people as he tried to run onto the boarding gate.

“Woah,” the gate attendant stopped Rowan, “excuse me, sir, do you have a boarding pass?”

“I just need to talk to someone,” he pleaded.

“I’m sorry, you cannot go any further without a boarding pass.”

“Gods, please, I just need—”

“AELIN!” Lysandra shrieked, getting everyone’s attention including a specific blonde who rushed back out the gate and stood gaping at Lysandra and Rowan.

“Oh my gods,” she looked back and forth between the two before her gaze locked and held with Rowan’s as she breathed, “What—what are you guys doing here?”

“All you,” Lysandra nudged Rowan then made herself scarce

“What? What is it?” Aelin demanded, pulling Rowan aside, “Rowan, you're scaring me. What's going on?”

“Aelin,” Rowan didn’t know where to start. “Okay, the thing is,” he trailed off again. How could he tell that he loved her? How could he wrap up ten years—more than that—of falling in love with her, even at times when he didn’t know it. How could he explain that to her?

“Rowan?”

He took a deep breath. “Don’t go.”

“What?” Aelin asked, shocked.

“Aelin, please, don’t leave. I am so gods damn in love with you. Please, don’t go.”

Aelin stood open-mouthed, her eyes shimmering with an emotion he didn’t dare name. “Oh, my gods.”

He groaned, “I know, I know. I’m an idiot and a bastard, and any other name you want to call me. I shouldn't have waited until now to say it, Hellas, I shouldn’t have waited until now to realize it, but,” he shook his head, locking his gaze with hers. “That was stupid, okay? I'm sorry, I’m so sorry, but I'm telling you now. I love you. I’m in love with you. Please, do not get on this plane.”

“Miss?” a throat cleared behind them, making Aelin blink and drag her watery eyes away from his. “Are you boarding the plane?”

“Aelin,” Rowan took her hand, urging her to stay, “Aelin, please. I know you love me, too. I know you do. Don’t go. Stay.”

“I,” Aelin looked between Rowan and the gate attendant with shock and regret etched across her face. “I have to get the plane,” she whispered.

“No, you don’t.” Rowan held tightly to her hand.

“Yes, I do.” despite her protests, she didn’t pull her hand away.

“No,” Rowan stepped closer, cupping her cheek and reveling in the fact that she leaned into his touch. “You don’t.”

“Rowan,” her words barely louder than a breath, “They're waiting for me, I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

He couldn’t understand what was happening. Rowan couldn’t accept that she was walking away.

“Aelin.” he pleaded, one final time.

She took a shuddering breath. “I’m so sorry.”

Rowan stood unmoving, felt his breathing freeze and his heart cease beating if just for a moment as he watched Aelin walk away from him and board the plane.

He wasn’t aware of people moving around him or of Lysandra coming to stand next to him before pulling him into a hug murmuring I’m sorry. He wasn’t aware of his surroundings as he walked towards Lysandra’s car or his walk back to his apartment. All he knew was that he’d just watched the love of his life walk away and there would soon be an ocean between them.

***

Lorcan sealed the last box of his and Elide’s things.

“Wow,” Elide sighed, looking around the bare apartment. “Everything’s packed.”

“It’s weird,” Lorcan replied, looking around the space he and their friends had occupied for so many years.

“I know.” She stood on her toes and he leaned down to meet her for a kiss.

“So, uh,” Fenrys spoke up from the kitchen, “does this mean there's nothing to eat?”

Elide snorted while Lorcam tried his best to reign in his smirk. Turning, Elide told him, “I put three lasagnas in your freezer.”

He beamed, “I love you!”

She chuckled as the door opened and Lysandra walked in.

“How’d it go?” Elide asked

“So did you guys make it in time?” Aedion spoke at the same time from his place against the fridge.

“Yeah,” Lysandra sighed, “Yeah, he talked to her, but she got on the plane anyway.”

“Where’s Rowan?” Lorcan asked her, knowing Rowan would be hiding away, brooding.

“He went home,” Lysandra frowned and leaned into Aedion’s embrace. “He didn't want to see anybody.”

***

Sitting on his couch, Rowan noticed his answering machine beeping. More out of muscle memory than an actual urge to listen, he pressed the button.

“Rowan, It’s me.”

Rowan jolted, a mess of emotion flying through him as he listened to Aelin's voice filter through his machine.

“I just got back on the plane. I feel awful. Gods, Rowan, that was so not how I wanted things to end with us.”

End. Rowan braced himself, he had to get through this message.

“It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things...and now I’m sitting here thinking of everything I should’ve said that I didn’t.”

Rowan heard her take a shuddering breath.

“I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too.”

His breath caught, and hope filled him for the first time since he’d been standing in front of her.

“Because of course, I do. I love you. I love you. Gods, Rowan, I love you.”

He held his breath, he almost couldn’t wrap his brain around what he was hearing, what he’d longed to hear.

“What am I doing? I love you! I need to get off this plane—”

“Oh my gods,” Rowan listened, wide-eyed as he heard Aelin argue with a flight attendant.

“Excuse me? I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, but I need to get off this plane, okay? I need to tell Rowan I love him.”

“Miss, can't let you off the plane.”

“Let her off the plane!” Rowan screamed at his machine.

“Oh, please, you don’t understand. Isn’t there any way you can just let me off—”

Beeeeep.

The message ended and Rowan was left sitting on the edge of his sofa staring disbelievingly at his answering machine.

“No!” He jumped up, carding a hand through his hair, “No! Aelin! Oh, my gods, did she get off the plane?”

“I got off the plane.”

Rowan whirled around so fast he thought his neck might snap. Aelin stood in his doorway, suitcase in hand, staring at him with a watery smile and eyes that blazed with surety.

“You got off the plane.” Rowan breathed and strode towards her, holding her face in his hands as she grabbed his arms, each clinging to the other, not able to let the other go.

Rowan wasn’t sure who moved first, but the next moment he was kissing Aelin, It was as if all the years of pining, love, heartbreak, and friendship, barreled through them and into a kiss full of promise. All the mistakes of the past, all the time wasted, was over. Now, they could finally be Rowan and Aelin. Finally.

When they pulled apart, still unable to let the other go, Aelin leaned her forehead against his and told him, “I do. I do love you.”

Rowan brushed a tear from her cheek and smiled down with all the warmth he could gather. “I love you too, Fireheart. And I’m never letting you go, again.”

“Good," She nodded, gripping him tighter, “because this is where I want to be, okay? With you. Always with you. No more messing around.”

“That’s right,” he agreed, “we’re done being stupid.”

Aelin kissed him again. “You and me, alright?” She looked him in the eye and saw everything she felt mirrored there. “To whatever end.”

“This is it. To whatever end” He echoed, pulling her in for another kiss.

***

The seven of them stood in the now-empty living room of Elide and Lorcan’s apartment. The new parents each held a baby, Fenrys sat with Lysandra and Aedion near the large window, and Aelin leaned into Rowan who had his arms wrapped around her as they stood to the side.

“Wow,” Aelin murmured, looking around the bare space.

“I know,” Rowan said into her hair, “It seems smaller somehow.”

Fenrys glanced at the walls a minute before asking, “Has it always been purple?” His answer consisted of several snorts.

Lorcan and Elide strapped Asterin and Cal into their stroller. Elide sniffed, facing everyone else, “Oh, uh, I promised the landlord we’d leave our keys.”

She said it to Lorcan, but each of them walked toward the counter to place their own keys. Elide laughed, looking at seven pairs of keys to a two-person apartment.

“I guess this is it,” Lysandra commented mournfully.

“Yeah,” Aedion wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “I guess so.”

At Elide’s sniffle, Lorcan pulled her into his arms. Through the fabric of his shirt, they could hear her say, “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

Gathering herself, Elide unwrapped her arms from Lorcan’s middle before turning to hug Aelin who’d come to stand next to her.

“Do you guys have to go to the new house right away?” Aelin asked, “Or do you have some time?”

“We have some time.”

“Okay,” Rowan grabbed Aelin’s hand, “should we get some coffee?”

“Sure,” Fenrys smirked. “Where?”

They all laughed as they walked out of the apartment that had become so important to each one of them. Aedion helped Lorcan carry the double stroller down the stairs, followed closely by Elide. Lysandra and Fenrys were bickering, but smiling as they walked. And Rowan and Aelin had their arms wrapped around each other, not daring or wanting to let the other one go. They shared a smile, and with one last glance at the closed apartment door, they left.

*****

Taglist:

@acourtofsnakes @allthebooksunderthemoon @astra-ad-mare @becarefuloflove @bisexual-genderfluid-loki @booklover41802 @charlizeed @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @danibutterr @doubt-less @emily-gsh @enormousbooklover @foughtconquered @fromthelibraryofemilyj @hakunamatatazz @i-have-but-one-brain-cell @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato @jorjy-jo @lemonade-coolattas @mariamuses @mayhemories @midsizewitch @miserablesmusings @morganofthewildfire @nehemikkele @rowaelinismyotp @rowansfirebringer @sayosdreams @sheharahu @sleeping-and-books @stardelia @story-scribbler @superspiritfestival @surielandiareendgame @swankii-art-teacher @tomtenadia @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @moodymelanist @angelic-voice-1997 @realbookloverproblems @gracie-rosee @julemmaes @yesdreamblog @the-regal-warrior @rowanaelinn @thestoriesyoutell @autumnbabylon @sunflowermoonshinewrites @maastrash

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ephemerlskies · 4 years ago

Text

constant craving | jjk

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader

⇢ genre: drabble series, angst, unrequited love, idiot!jungkook, idiot!oc, basically everyone's an idiot

⇢ word count: 1.7k

⇢ warnings: unreciprocated pining, explicit language, themes of hopeless romanticism (!!), (slightly) unedited

⇢ summary: your best friend decided to confide in his best friend on how to win his girlfriend back after a fight. you tell him exactly what to say to her, however he is unaware that what you were saying was a sincere delivery of your once undeclared love.

♪ playlist: constant craving - k.d. lang, bad religion - frank ocean, misunderstood - lucky daye, neu roses - daniel caesar ♪

╰ series index: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 (final)

a/n: hello my little loves!! this was definitely ;) not ;) an impulse write and release ;) ;) sorry for being so inactive lately. i've been focusing on myself (i know how cliche that sounds but it's true). anyway, enjoy this incredibly angsts fic i wrote at 2 am for absolutely no reason at all other than i'm an emotional sadist and a masochist. love u!!!! <3

part one: control

He was coming over for the third time this week. Third time. Three times is two more times than he'd gone over his girlfriend's house, but you did everything in your power to convince your inconvincible heart that it meant nothing. Friends see each other more than their girlfriends, right?

It was making a racket in your chest, that muscle that strained much harder for a man who had his pumping for the girl of his dreams.

But, he was coming over for the third time this week.

The first time he said this visit ranked, in his words, 'out of the question' on the degree of necessary that he come over and show you Star Wars. You played a good game of reluctance when asking if it was the entire series or just one movie, and in your head, you hoped to God it was the entire series. For him, you'd watch the series four times over if it meant you sat through this outrageously nerdy movie next to the even more outrageously nerdy love of your life.

The second time was particularly funny to you. He called while you were cooking dinner, almost as if he was in stride with you in a way that was an ounce too synchronized to be platonic, and asked if you were whipping up a delicious meal that he could mooch off of. Knowing he was a terrible cook, plus the fact that when he begged so politely you felt your posture unbind into to a puddle, you more than happily obliged.

This time, the circumstances made it harder to say yes, but not yet impossible. And it was a second or two before you heard that knock on the front door that had your once pounding heart come to a complete halt. It was still, waiting for you to make a decision.

Since it was Jungkook, of course, you'd say yes. And your heart would continue beating. Beating, as in sending sharp jabs that stained the inside of your chest with bruises. Beating, as in when the time came, the final blow of your constantly craving heart would devastate your entire being.

"Thank you so much, ___. God, I'm such an idiot." He walked in with all the confidence of someone who was a bit too familiar with your company. Jungkook's feet reintroducing themselves to your floors in the same manner as he would the night before, and the night before that, and the countless nights you kept secured in your collection of memories. As if he belonged there; as if he was coming home.

"An idiot with a great friend." That last word nearly withdrew the bile you had been ever so gracefully holding in.

"Yeah yeah." And he was comfortable with that same word, 'friend', that deepened your bruises into scars. He had absolutely no clue. Idiot. "I can't believe I broke up with her. I was so angry and acted on that instead of logic. Fuck, why would I do that to myself? I love her."

"Well, you never know. Maybe..." You hated yourself for not resisting the selfish temptation that was about to fall from your lips. The words you've been internally screaming to him to leave her and fall in love with you instead were diluted to something much more tame when your tongue formed them into sound.

"Maybe it was for the best. Maybe you guys are better off apart? To, um, grow or whatever."

"No." He said that with too much certainty and too little hesitance and just enough conviction to sink another wound in the organ exhausting itself in your chest. "She's the one. I know it"

"Jungkook."

He looked at you with all the earnestness of a man who carved his utmost and unchanging dedication to her. A look that any love-induced sap would kill for. A look he would never direct towards you.

Your eyes weren't under your control as of now. The glue that held them to his eyes, his lips, his hair, and every other part of him you dreamed of was more than a marathoned yearning. It was an adhesive twelve years in the making, not showing the slightest sign of wearing away.

"The way you love is something to die for..." And then he smiled at you, but still not for you.

You were utterly crushed.

"She'll take you back in a heartbeat. I mean, she has a brain, so of course, she will. Anyone would."

I would.

"I hope you're right." The couch was four feet wide at most, but there was an impressively vast space between you and the man who was sitting next to you. "Can you tell me what to say? You know I suck with words."

"Uh... Yeah. Of course. Anything."

If breaking hearts were a crime, then Jungkook would have much to atone for. You'd be convicted as a willing accomplice for holding on this long. Up until this point, you've let every small glance, every shy smile he sent your way, every eyebrow twitch conveying a meaning only you knew well enough to retrieve him from whatever awkward situation he needed rescuing from, every accidentally brush of his hand against yours, every purposeful embrace that lasted so long your tears stained his right shoulder string you into a knot of miserable, unrequited love.

And up until this point, you had hope he would choose you.

Each ring of his phone worked in tandem to reduce your undying devotion to Jungkook into a compressed seed of denial.

I don't love him. He's just my best friend.

Your pulse pronounced itself loudly in your ears, as a not-so-gentle reminder of how much you hated him for loving him. Somehow, your heart beat faster. Then again, anything was possible when it came to him. Anything except the miraculous event of him hanging up, declaring his love for you, and living in the land of happily ever after that only existed in your deluded imagination.

"Hey Irene! I'm so fucking glad you picked up."

He gave you that look. With the arched eyebrow, his widened doe eyes, and the slightly hung jaw, you read each feature better than words and nodded to signal you knew exactly what he needed.

"I'm sorry about what happened." You said, in a whisper, though the deflated volume of your words carried no implication of the unbridled sincerity sealed in them.

"I'm sorry about what happened." He repeated, laying down that same Irene-contrived smile on you that fostered a smile of your own, knowing fully it surfaced as a reflex from hearing her voice.

"It might be crazy to try this, because I don't know how you feel."

If the thing people say about your life flashing before your eyes during encounters with death, then you were sure your heart was about to consume its last pulse of blood. The scenes of you and Jungkook spending your Friday nights when you were a ripe city dweller in your shoebox apartment doing everything and nothing at all had convinced you that you were certainly about to go into cardiac arrest.

"It might be crazy to say this, because I don't know how you feel." Jungkook was so many things, however emotionally perceptive was not one of them.

"But I love you. I have loved you since the moment I met you." Those words tasted sweet despite fermenting in a chamber of your heart you kept preserved since, as you said, the very moment you met him.

"But I love you. I have loved you since the moment I met you."

"No matter what, I'd choose you. It doesn't matter how mad I am or how annoyed I am, I will choose you because if I know anything in this damn, cruel, punishing world, then I know that I'd rather be angry, annoyed, or anything else with you than without you."

He repeated your words, but dehydrated all of your sentiment from them. You were left with the remnants of the feelings, and none of the words from him you were so desperately starved of. He took them right from your throat, along with the very breath that seemed to keep returning because of Jungkook, molded them into his own, into a sequence of sounds that were meant for Irene. You were left hungry, breathless, and forever wanting.

Irene must have been smiling right about now. Who wouldn't smile hearing those things from someone like Jungkook?

"Because with you, I'm complete. My story can't end if I'm incomplete. Please, choose me back. Complete me. That's all I ask."

Then, you began to ask yourself another question.

If you make me complete, Jungkook, will my story ever end?

You knew the answer to that. You swore your heart beat in a morse code that told you everything you needed to know.

"Because with you, I'm complete. My story can't end if I'm incomplete. Please, choose me back. Complete me. That's all I ask."

Jungkook looked to you, before Irene could form the proper response, and smiled. It was the third time he smiled at you today because of course, you were keeping track. You knew it was his own physically linguistic version of a 'thank you' or a 'you're a life saver' but somehow, to you, it translated to something similar to a 'goodbye'.

Your legs miraculously rose and carried you to the back porch. The sun was just beginning to dip in the horizon, proliferating a warm orange that was about to subside to an indistinguishable and unpredictable dusk. Whatever color came after the sunset, you were ready to accept it, to memorize how it reflected against a world without the possibility of him. And even though the night will always embody undertones of orange, it was time to focus on the colors around it.

It was time to let go.

a/n: i might make this into a drabble series!!! if anyone would be interested in that please let me know :)) thank you for readinggggg <3

#bangtanarmynet #btsgoldnet #ficswithluv #bts fanfic #bts angst #bts writing #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #bts drabble #jungkook drabble #jungkook #constant craving #rubycoast

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catboyclarity · 2 years ago

Note

berk..... and uuuuh? pmmm for the ask game

ITS BERK TIME BABYYYY

Fav male character:

Guts and Griffith about equally but Guts means more to me emotionally bc well. He’s just like me fr (abuse victim).

Fav female character:

I would lay down my life for Casca I think.

Least fav:

I wish Wyald from the manga. Was not.

Prettiest character:

I want to put Griffith in my mouth where he will dissolve like a meltaway mint.

Funniest character:

Corkus!! I know lots of folks don’t like him but he’s funny when he’s comic relief while also being a complex and tragic character. I like him.

Also Puck is a funny little guy and I love when he’s a little blob thing next to a super detailed drawing of Guts.

Favorite season (arc):

I will need to finish reading the whole manga before I can answer this. However. The golden age arc has Casca.

Favorite episode:

Episode 24 of the ‘97 anime. The moment where Griffith sees Guts and makes the decision to sacrifice is like…maybe my favorite moment in the series? I could write an essay on it.

Also Wounds from the manga means a lot 2 me.

Favorite romantic ship:

Casguts in the “they invented love and it’s one of the best developed relationships I’ve seen I just want these two traumatized people to find comfort and strength in each other let them be happy please god” and griffguts in the “this is so horrific and toxic and complex and there’s so much present classical homoerotic subtext here I need to dissect it in a lab and write a 20 page paper with citations about it” way.

Fav family relationship:

Band of the Hawk. The whole thing.

Fav friendship:

Judeau’s friendship with Casca and with Guts idk I like it. I like Judeau very much.

Least favorite ship:

I do not know what ppl in this fandom are shipping and I do not care.

PUELLA MAGI MADOKA MAGICA

this show made me gay when I was 14. There are a lot of valid critiques of it but it’s not for you it was for me when I was 14 and trying to figure out if liked girls.

Fav male character:

Lol there are no important men. Kyubey gets called “he” in most translations but kyubey is not a boy. Begone.

Fav female character:

Sayaka i love her more than anything. She is the first fictional character I ever related to which should have let me know I needed mega therapy and also to transition but that took me a while. She is so tragic and her arc devastates me every time.

Least fav character:

I’m going to throw Kyubey off a bridge.

Prettiest character:

I’ve been answering this in the sexual lust sense but I just mean it in the aesthetic sense bc all of the characters. Are. 14. Homura has a very nice design.

Funniest character:

There’s not a lot of comedy!! Kyoko I guess?

Fav season:

It is 12 episodes.

Fav episode:

Episode 9. It makes me cry like a little baby every single time I watch the series.

Fav romantic ship:

Kyosaya is the fucking blueprint for me man. In the owl house answer I did with this ask game I mentioned the kinds of ships that were important to me when I was a baby gay? I meant Kyosaya basically. It has everything. Rivals with attempted friendship. Red/blue. Opposites. Tragedy. It is. The blueprint.

Fav family relationship:

I know the spirit of this is found family but Madoka and her mom really get me man!!!

Fav friendship:

Madoka and Sayaka. They clearly care about each other a lot and it is SO SAD.

Least fav ship:

See my berk answer.

#asks

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kiribaku-queen · 4 years ago

Text

You’re Not the One

Pairing: Todoroki x reader, Bakugou x reader

Drama, Angst?, pregnant!AU, happy ending

Word count: 6.4K

A/N: I was supposed to upload this multiple Friday’s ago… But enjoy this quick but long oneshot I have made! Let me know what you think! Do you like having oneshots like this or the series better?

Summary: No one prepared you for motherhood. You didn’t even know the first step to being a parent. What’s even worse was that you were doing it all alone. Will you let a knight in shining armor save you from distress or will you let the father of your child come back in your life and have the perfect family you always wanted?

Bakugou arrived at your apartment all busted up. It was a rough day at work and all he wanted to do right now was lay in bed with you in his arms. He didn’t want to think about how he let a villain get away. Or how he had to defeat a group of people all on his own with no backup, causing all those cuts and bruises. Or how management came running and yelled at him for his attitude towards his fans. He didn’t need anymore chaos. He didn’t want anymore problems. But that’s not how life works does it?

“I’m pregnant.”

Of course you were. Bakugou took a deep breath in and violently let it out, running his fingers through his hair. No, he wasn’t happy. He was already overwhelmed with trying to become the best that he could be at his job. He didn’t need another inconvenience in his way.

You frowned upon seeing his reaction. That definitely wasn’t the reaction you were hoping for. You were expecting shock, for sure. But mad? Angry? Disappointed? Never in a million years.

“What’s with that reaction? Are you not happy?” you asked, shaking a bit. You already knew this wasn’t going to go well when you saw that he wasn’t scooping you up in his arms. He was pacing around the room now.

“I just can’t deal with this news right now.” He told you. You furrowed your brows in concern. Seeing how he was acting right now, you could tell it had to do something with work. Bakugou sat down on the edge of the bed and you joined him, gently holding onto his arm.

“Was it work again?” you asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah. I’m already stressed out. I don’t need this pregnant news stressing me out even more!” he started to raise his voice. It wasn’t the first time you heard him raise his voice. You know he doesn’t mean to sometimes, but it always frightens you. He never put a hand on you when he was mad but when he gets like this, you just never know when he’s about to snap and finally do it. That’s how scary he could be sometimes.

“Well, I was hoping that me being pregnant would lessen your stress? Because it should be happy news?” It made sense to you. Having a baby with someone you loved should be the happiest news of your life. And after having a rough day at work, you would think that coming home to good news would be the highlight of the day. But it looks like you were wrong. Did you just make things worse for him?

“I don’t even know how to take care of a baby,” he huffed. You got up from the bed and comforted him from behind. You wrapped your arms around his waist, pressed your chest up against his back, and laid your cheek on his back.

“You think I know either? We can both learn,” you tried to convince him. But it didn’t look like it was working. You started to become anxious and fidgety. This was not supposed to happen tonight. You pictured it so differently in your head and it was all going down the drain.

“No, I can’t take care of this baby,” he shook his head. That left a tight feeling in your chest.

“Cant? Or don’t want to?” you dared to ask.

“Don’t want to,” he replied softly.

“Katsuki!” you desperately called out his name. You heart was breaking. A lump was forming in your throat and tears were threatening to spill over.

“(y/n)!” he called out just as desperate. “I’m so overwhelmed right now! I’m loaded with paperwork. I’m constantly working over time. I don’t get days off. I don’t get breaks. I’m at the peak of my career right now. I can barely take care of you, how can I take of a child that requires more attention than you need on a daily basis?” That last one hurt. You stood there in awe at how he could say that so easily. You didn’t even know what to say. All of this was coming out of nowhere. You both stood still in silence. Bakugou was huffing and puffing by himself while you were trying to process everything he was saying and weighing out your options. If Bakugou didn’t want this baby, you had a few options ahead of you. But before you could think too much, your boyfriend said something that was beyond forgivable. “Get rid of it.”

“Bakugou Katsuki.” Your eyes snapped at him, sudden anger took over you. Out of all the things he could say, he just had to say the most hurtful thing. You could take the criticism. You could take all his anger, his confusion, and his fright. You could take his uncertainness right now because it was sudden news. Both of you never talked about having kids. It only makes sense that he was uncertain about his abilities about being a father. But this. This was going too far. It was unacceptable. No matter how much he didn’t like the idea of you being pregnant or how much he was unprepared to be a dad, he treaded across a forbidden place that was never meant to be crossed. “You take that back right now.”

“No. You either get rid of the baby or I’m leaving,” he gave you the ultimatum. But it was a no brainer.

“I’m keeping the baby,” you say confidently. You were more confident in your answer, more than ever. But that didn’t stop the crushing pain in your chest. The feeling was getting more intense the more you kept looking at him. Bakugou nods his head in acknowledgement. He picks up his work stuff and heads straight to the door. As soon as he opens the door, you scream out his name causing him to stop in his tracks.

“You walk out that door and I swear on my life, you will never see this child,” You threatened. You were shaking with anger, eyes glaring in his direction. Bakugou hesitates. He’s paused at the opened door. And for a split second, you could see a sliver of hope that he comes back to you. But you were wrong. He’s out that door, out of your apartment, and out of your life just like that.

You were left utterly devasted and completely alone to raise the baby. Honestly, being pregnant was the easy part. What comes after that? Now that was a challenge. It was probably an understatement to say that raising your baby was a challenge. You were struggling. Raising a baby by yourself was hard. There were times when you didn’t know why your baby was crying in the middle of the night. Was he hungry? Did his diaper need to be changed? Did he just want to be held? But sometimes, you would do all that and he would still be crying, making you stay up all night and not get a wink of sleep. There are days were you can’t function properly because of the lack of sleep you would get.

And if that wasn’t enough, you were having a hard time financially keeping you stable. Diapers, formula, and other baby necessities were expensive. You were barely left with enough money to buy food or buy groceries. Maybe a few times a week, you wouldn’t get to eat anything because you didn’t have enough money. And you had to juggle between having a full time job and being a full time mom. You were constantly working around the clock. Everyday, you would be left physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. You can’t even spend time to yourself because you have to tend to your child.

You were rocking your child to sleep, watching as his eyes got heavier and heavier. A sad smile reached your lips but tears trickled down your cheeks.

“Mommy’s having a hard time,” you whispered to your son, sobbing. Yes, the pressure of being a mom got to you. It got to you so bad that you cried every night. God, you were so stressed out and miserable. But even though there were so many hardships that you faced, it was all worth it. It was worth going through all that just to see your son laugh and smile and grow. Despite all the frustrations you went through on a daily basis, you knew it was going to pay off in the end. You loved your son. He captured your heart as soon as he came out. Mommy was having a hard time but you wouldn’t change this for the world.

Just when life was about to get you down, things started to lighten up. You bit your lip and internally cheered when you found out that you had enough money for groceries. You actually had a lot of money left over to buy whatever you wanted. But you were starving. As soon as you got to the grocery store, you made up your mind to stock up on supplies in case you have one of those days again.

You put little Ryota in the seat of the cart and proceeded to go down all the aisles, getting everything you deemed necessary to store in your pantry. While you were at it, you might as well get ingredients to prep yourself a nice dinner for tonight. It’s been a while since you had an actual, homecooked meal.

“Alright, which one should I get baby?” you asked your son, Ryota. He wasn’t old enough to speak yet. Only babbling here and there. Yet, you were constantly talking to him like he could understand you. It was somewhat comforting. You held out two options for him to choose from. Ryota stuck out both his hands, gravitating to the one on the left. You smiled.

“Yeah, I thought so. Good choice, my love,” you squeezed both his cheeks and smothered him with kisses. You then put Ryota’s choice inside the cart and put the other option back. When you went to put that away, another hand was reaching in the same direction, making both of your hands bump into each other.

“Oh, I’m sorr – Shouto?” you began to apologize but once you looked up, you recognized that iconic hair and scar anywhere. He was tall. Taller than you remember. The middle of his hair was swooped backwards, showing his forehead. His build was as impressive as ever and he was carrying a basket of groceries.

“Ah, (y/n). It’s been a while,” he was just as shocked as you were. It’s been what, 7? 8 years? You haven’t seen each other since your school days.

“It has, hasn’t it? Have you been well?” you struck up a conversation. He gave you a soft smile and stuffed his free hand in his pocket. He hummed in response and looked over you shoulder to see your child.

“Looks like you’ve been doing well, too. What’s his name?” he asked, going up to your son and trying to make him laugh. It was working because Ryota seemed to look like he liked him.

“Ryota,” you responded, admiring the way Shouto was playing with your son. It was a weird feeling. You were the one always around your son. Sure, some people held him but it was rare for Ryota to be interacting with a male. It was weird, but a refreshing sight.

“He’s cute. Ah,” he stood up and faced you. “How’s Bakugou doing?” Ouch. He opened up a wound that you were trying to suppress for all these months.

“Oh, um… We’re not…” you tried to explain without it being too awkward, but it wasn’t working. Immediate regret showed on Shouto’s face. He looked back to Ryota and back at you, the realization sinking in. You guess you couldn’t blame him though. Ryota looked exactly like Bakugou. Dirty blonde hair and fiery, red eyes. A mini me of the man who broke your heart. But it’s okay, because now, a new man came into your life. Both of you also weren’t public about your breakup. It was messy anyway. Only a few people really know what happened.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“It’s okay!” You interrupted him, waving your hands in front of you. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know. “Where you trying to get this?” you changed the subject, lifting up the box that you were putting away. Shouto glanced at the box in your hands and nodded. He took it from you and added it to his basket. Now you were both awkwardly standing there together, not knowing what to say. Ryota was huffing and puffing behind you, letting you know that it was time to go. You excused yourself and headed towards the check out aisle.

You bagged all your groceries and groaned in agony. You walked to the store and you really underestimated how much you bought. How were you going to carry all those groceries and carry Ryota. He can’t even walk yet. But you got to do what you got to do. You grabbed one bag and all of a sudden, it was pulled away from your grip. You looked up to see Shouto grabbing all your groceries.

“What are you doing? I can handle it,” you reassured him, but he wouldn’t budge. He continued to grab everything, and soon, all of your groceries were in both of his hands.

“You need to carry him. I can carry this for you,” he offered. Well, it wasn’t really an offer. You bit your lip because you did need help, but you also felt bad for making him carry your belongings. But Shouto was already at the exit, waiting for you to catch up to him. Not wanting to waste any more of his time, you picked up Ryota and chased after him.

Thank god your apartment wasn’t too far. Shouto graciously carried all those bags for you, setting them down on your kitchen floor. You rushed to put Ryota in his crib since he fell asleep on your shoulder on the walk home. When you set him down and made sure he was comfortable, you returned to your kitchen where Shouto was standing.

“Thank you so much, Shouto. I really appreciate it,” you thanked him, still feeling bad and guilty for allowing him to do such a task.

“It’s no problem. It looked like you were struggling,” he says, letting you know that he didn’t mind at all. “Well, I should get going. Call me if you need more help.” He says before making his way to the door. Before he exits your apartment, you were quick to stop him.

“Do you want to stay for dinner? As a thank you for bringing up my groceries?” you offered. He stood there for a minute, debating on whether or not to take the offer. But you gave him those pleading eyes because you had no else to thank him. After much facial persuading, he eventually took up on your offer and stayed for dinner.

Halfway through to making dinner, Ryota woke up crying. You were about to go comfort him when you saw Shouto already on the move. He cradled Ryota in his arms and rocked him back and forth until he calmed down. That shocked you. You weren’t expecting him to take action like that.

“Ah, I can take him” you tried to take Ryota away from him but Ryota was holding onto Shouto tightly. Huh? Your son didn’t know Shouto yet he was hanging onto him like his life depended on it. You playfully frowned and Shouto chuckled.

“I can take care of him while you cook,” he said. You were reluctant at first, but eventually agreed. There was no use fighting Shouto when he already has his mind set on something. So you continued cooking, checking up on the boys once in a while. Bu seeing Shouto play and laugh with your son made you smile. And when you say smile, you’re smiling hard. Like grinning from ear to ear. The sight was cute and heartwarming. You couldn’t thank him enough for looking after your son because you finally got a break to yourself. Even if you were cooking, you were put into a state of mind where it was just you. And you could focus on yourself and just enjoy the cooking process.

Having Shouto over for dinner and letting him look over your son was a great break for you. But it was time to get back into the groove again. You were about to go grocery shopping again for tonight’s dinner when a knock was heard on your door. Strange. You weren’t expecting company. You opened the door with curiosity and was surprised to see Todoroki Shouto waiting at your door.

“What are you doing here?” you questioned him with surprise. He lifted a bag filled with different kinds of ingredients.

“Let me make you dinner,” he says. “To thank you for cooking me dinner yesterday.” You smiled at his kindness, but you had to respectfully decline.

“But dinner yesterday was to thank you for carrying my groceries!” you explained but he wasn’t having it.

“And now I’m thanking you for thanking me,” he shakes the bag, waiting for you to let him in. God, you couldn’t say no to that face. And so you let him in. From then on, he was coming over every day. Cooking dinner started to become a routine, both of you alternating nights on who cooks when. Sometimes you would even cook together. With Shouto coming over, you were able to get more alone time and relaxation from taking care of the baby. But that also means you were spending more time with him. The more he came over, the more you bonded with him. Let’s not forget Ryota. It was an understatement to say that he liked Shouto. Every time he’s over, your son would cling to him every chance he got. And soon, Shouto was coming over for more than just dinner. You thought it was because he wanted to spend time with Ryota. Afterall, he was treating your son like he was his own. But you soon came to realize that that was only half the story.

4 years later

Bakugou had the day off so he made his way to his nearest grocery store for some snacks. He hadn’t heard from you since that day. After he walked out, he needed a while to get back to his senses and calm down. But by the time he was ready to face you again, you had disappeared from his life. You blocked all types of communication from him and moved apartments. He didn’t think of you often. But whenever he saw a child with their mother, that’s when he started thinking of what ifs. And if you were doing okay. Did you have the baby? Or did you end up losing the baby? Was it a boy or girl? What was their name? Did they look like him? Many questions ran through his mind that he knew won’t get answered any time soon.

He grabbed a basket and went straight to the snack aisle. On the way there, he noticed a woman was having trouble getting something from the top shelf. He was thinking about ignoring her and keep on his merry way. But there was something about her back side that seemed familiar. And he couldn’t ignore his hero instincts to help those in need. He went over to her and grabbed the she was reaching for and handed it to her. But when he looked at who the woman was, his heart skipped a beat.

It was you.

Looking at him with wide eyes.

“(y/n)…” he muttered your name out of instinct. You quickly grabbed your item and stuffed it in your cart.

“Bakugou… thank you,” you muttered right back. God, he hasn’t seen you in so long. And you looked great as ever. Healthy. Happy. He looked around you. No baby.

“You’ve been good?” he asked. Shit, why was this so awkward. You nodded, giving him a small smile that was obviously very forced.

“Mhm, you?”

“Yeah.”

Silence.

The curiosity got the better of him. He just had to ask.

“What about the baby-”

“There is no baby,” you interrupted him very abruptly. Bakugou physically felt his heart crack. There… was no baby? Fuck, now he felt like the worst person in the world. He stared at you, completely and utterly devastated by the news. His eyes were wide with shock, his mouth hung low. He wanted to say something so bad, but the words just got caught in his throat. Bakugou just couldn’t believe that there was no baby. And after he said all those awful things to you. The end result was no baby?

“(y/n), I’m-” he wanted to apologize so badly, but was interrupted by the shouting of a young child.

“Mommy! Can I have this one?” the blonde child asked you, showing you the bag of chips he found. Both of you looked down at the child. Wait a minute. Blonde hair. Red eyes. It was like Bakugou was looking in a mirror. You, eyes wide with panic, looked down at your child then back at Bakugou. You grabbed the bag from your son and gave him a sweet smile.

“Sure, honey. Let’s go home now okay?” you told your son. You looked back up at Bakugou, giving him a curt bow and took your sons hand. Your son was looking up at Bakugou with big, curious eyes but eventually followed you out. Bakugou didn’t have time to react. All he could think about was, that was his son. He looked exactly like him. There was no way that wasn’t his son. And it was too late. You were gone. He was gone. He ruined everything. A single tear dropped down on his cheek as he realized what he missed out on.

You took your son to the playground so he could get some exercise in. Sitting on one of the benches, hand-in-hand with your boyfriend, Shouto, you watched as your son played tag with a few of the other neighborhood boys. Since that day you ran into Bakugou, your mind was running wild. You straight up lied to his face about Ryota. But he didn’t say anything. Maybe he thought it was someone else? God, but he said ‘Mommy’ right in front of him. Maybe he thinks it’s not his? But they look exactly alike. You internally groan and leaned your head on Shouto’s shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?” he chuckled at you, petting your head lovingly.

“Just things,” you reply shortly. You didn’t want to bring up the topic of your ex-boyfriend, who just happened to be the father of your child. Shouto would get jealous and you didn’t want to cause anymore drama.

“You’re thinking about it again, aren’t you?” Gahh, he knew you too well. He squeezed your hand in his in reassurance. “Look, if he wanted to be in Ryota’s life, he would have tried to contact you by now. And even if did contact you and wants to be in his life, then, I would respect that.” You look up at your boyfriend with a pout and concern eyes.

“Are you sure?” you ask. He looks down at you and gave your cheeks a nice, hard pinch.

“Yes. Ryota deserves to have his biological father in his life,” he reasons. Okay, fair enough. But he didn’t even want to be in your son’s life in the first place. It was so simple for him to abandon you while you were pregnant. And after all the hardships you had to go through, now he wants to be a present father?

“He doesn’t have to know who his real father is,” you say, crossing your arms across your chest.

“(y/n),” Shouto says your name in a warning tone. But you put your defenses up.

“What? I don’t know if I even want him in Ryota’s life,” you confess. Shouto wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you in close.

“Well, think about it. And if Bakugou comes around, you can either accept or reject him. I will be there to support you every step of the way. And if he tries to make a scene, I’ll be there to stop him,” he promises you. That comforts you a lot to know that Shouto will be there for you no matter what. He was always like that. From the moment he entered in you and your son’s life.

“Okay, I love you,” you whispered, puckering out your lips. He laughs and kisses your duck lips.

“I love you, too.” And gives you a few more kisses. You look back at the playground to watch your son play. Panic starts to rise in you. You look to the left. Ryota wasn’t there. You look to the right. He wasn’t there either. You sit straight up and scan the playground one more time for your child, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Ryota?” you call out his name. Shouto also realizes that Ryota was missing. He’s already up on his feet, calling out your son’s name and searching the playground. Your lips began to quiver and your legs began to shake. This was not happening right now. Shouto frantically whipped his head around, trying to see if he could get a glimpse of Ryota running off. That’s when he saw him. As soon as he turned his head to the side, he saw Ryota heading into an alleyway. Immediately, Shouto was running full speed in that same direction. You saw Shouto running and ran after him. He was too fast for you to catch up, but you ran anyway

Bakugou was on patrol duty for the day. He hated these days because all he had to do was roam around the city streets to make sure everyone was kept safe. He would catch villains here and there, but patrol duty was so boring for him. Until today. He was walking down the sidewalk in his hero costume when a little boy suddenly came out of nowhere, almost making him fall on top of him.

“Oi, kid! Watch where you’re going!” Bakugou scolded the young one. The child looked up and Bakugou froze in his tracks. This had to be fate. His son… Your son just so happens to run into him. Today out of all days? The blonde boy is looking up at Bakugou in awe.

“Mister? Are you a hero?” he asks. Bakugou smirks and kneels down so that he’s at his level.

“I am. What’s your name kid?”

“Ryota!” Ryota says his name in full confidence, grinning from ear to ear. Ryota… so that’s his name. Bakugou could feel his heart warm up at the sight of the boy.

“Little Ryota, where are your parents?” he asked. He looked around but it looked like Ryota ran off by himself. Looks like it was his job to help find his parents. That means finding you. He was starting to get his hopes up. If he ran into you, then he could try to apologize and maybe, just maybe, start things over.

“Ryota!” a man shouted the boy’s name. Bakugou looked up and an old classmate of his was scooping up Ryota in his arms. “Don’t run off like that! You had us scared to death!” he scolded the boy, but was relieved that he wasn’t hurt.

“Sorry, daddy,” the boy apologized. Ha? Daddy? Bakugou looked at the man and scoffed. Both men looked at each other and the atmosphere got chillingly cold.

“Bakugou,” the man said his name as a greeting. Bakugou frowned.

“Half-and-Half bastard,” What a surprise. So you were dating Todoroki now? It was like a staring competition between you two. A deadly staring competition. Todoroki cleared his throat and adjusted Ryota on his hip.

“Thanks for stopping my son,” Todoroki thanked the pro-hero. But he said it in the most monotone voice ever. No emotion behind it whatsoever.

“Tch,” Bakugou just scoffed and looked away. Todoroki’s son? Nah, that wasn’t right. That was his son. Todoroki took that as a sign of ‘you’re welcome’, and walked away with Ryota in hand. Bakugou just stared off in their direction. Thank god he did because Ryota laid his head on Todoroki’s shoulder, but he was waving at him.

When Ryota was returned to you, you held him in your arms, falling to the ground in tears. You scolded him for running off without telling anyone and to never do it again. But refused to let him go because you were so afraid for his life. You couldn’t let anything happen to him.

All three of you returned to your apartment. After a year of dating, you and Ryota moved in with Shouto in his apartment. You felt bad because his apartment was so big, nice, and fancy but he insisted you both move in. So that Ryota can have a better space to grow up in. If it was for Ryota’s sake, you couldn’t pass up on the offer.

Shouto was putting Ryota to bed while you were finishing up cleaning the dishes. You finished up the last dish and dried your hands when a knock startled you. You looked at the clock. Why would someone be here at this hour? You weren’t expecting anyone. When you opened the door, you were shocked to see Bakugou standing there.

“Bakugou! What are you doing here? How did you know I lived here?” you questioned him, stunned.

“He’s mine, isn’t he?” Bakugou ignored your question with a question of his own. He was staring at the floor. You wanted to deny, deny, deny. But you were too ashamed to say anything. So he tried again. “Ryota.” He said, this time looking up at you. “Ryota is my child, isn’t he?” You bit your lip and nodded your head. You heard him sigh and he ran his fingers through his hair. “You lied to me.”

“What choice did I have?”

“You could have said the truth,” he argued.

“And then what!” you raised your voice, your emotions started to get the better of you. “So you could come running back to be in his life?” your voice cracked at the end from your throat tightening up because you refused to cry. And you tried your hardest not to get too loud, in fear that your boyfriend was going to overhear. But little did you know, Todoroki was leaning against the wall in the hallway, listening to everything.

Bakugou didn’t say a word. Because it was true. He wanted to be in his son’s life. He knows that he fucked up big time. But now, he wanted to right that wrong doing. But you shook your head.

“No. No, I’m sorry Bakugou. That’s not going to happen,” you denied him.

“That’s not fair,” he whispered, his heart breaking once again. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he didn’t know it was going to hurt his bad.

“Not fair?” you let out a soft laugh. Unbelievable. “You want to talk about not fair? You left me. Alone. While I was pregnant. And I had to raise that child all by myself,” you were sobbing now. You were remembering all those hardships that you had to face alone and it was all pouring out. “Do you even know how hard it was? How hard and exhausted I was every single day? And now you want to show up when he’s all grown now? That’s not fair.”

“I know. I know. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I messed up big time. But I want to make it right now. If you let me be in our son’s life, I’ll prove it to you that I can be a good dad. That you can trust me and-and,” Bakugou was so desperate. But you stopped him.

“You were my everything, Bakugou. I was so excited to start this small little family with you. But you destroyed all my hopes and dreams.” Bakugou bit his bottom lip to try to stop himself from crying, but was failing miserably. No matter how hard he tried, the tears wouldn’t stop coming. He violently wiped his teary eyes with the palm of his hand. You gave him a sad smile as you reminisced what you two had together. “I think it’s best if we… if you just forgot about us.” You suggested. Bakugou couldn’t accept that. At least not yet.

“Please, please just think about it?” he begged, his eyes telling all. When you looked at those eyes, you could tell how serious he wanted this.

“Fine,” you said after giving a bit of thought. “I’ll think about it. Go home, it’s late.” You told him. Agreeing with you, he nodded his head and went on his way. You gently closed the door and took a deep breath in. You weren’t expecting this. You guess you were, but not this soon. You turned around to go to you room, quickly wiping your tears away before Shouto could see. But when you looked up, Shouto was already there, arms wide open and eyes looking at you with concern.

“You okay?” he asked as you embraced him in a hug. He kissed the top of your head hugged you close.

“Yeah,” you breathed out, barely managing to say anything. But you weren’t. That night you couldn’t sleep. Your mind was racing with thoughts. This whole situation was bothering you and you couldn’t seem to think of anything else. There was only one way to relax your mind. Sneaking out of your shared bed with your boyfriend, you quickly put on your bathing suit and took a dip in the pool. Did you mention that his apartment came with an outdoor pool right next to the living room? It was convenient when you needed a place to clear your mind. You rested your arms on the edge of the pool, looking out into the city. You let the city lights and the noise of traffic distract you. So much that you didn’t even hear Shouto come up behind you. You squealed when you felt a pair of hands wrap around your waist. He laughed in your ear, slowly kissing the back of your head, making its way down to your neck and then you shoulder.

“Can’t sleep?” his deep, husky voice whispered in your ear.

“No. Did I wake you?” you softly asked back and he shook his head. He held you in silence, both of you looking at the city of lights. Now you were able to relax. His touch was comforting. It was as if his touch put a spell on you to make you relax.

“Hey,” Shouto started.

“Mhm?” you hummed in response. He took a pause.

“Let’s have a kid,” he proposed. You looked up at him and he was already looking down at you with the most loving eyes. It took you off guard, but it was somehow making your heart flutter.

“Us? Like you and me?” you asked, just to make sure you were hearing things right. He nodded his head and cocked his eyebrow.

“Why? Don’t like that idea?” he teased you. Your face flushed red and you waved your hands in front you, then rested on his chest.

“It’s not that! I was just thinking we would…” and you started to trail off. You’ve discussed this topic before but not too much. You were nervous what he was going to say. “…get married first?” You glanced up at your boyfriend and his expression remained unchanged. God, sometimes you couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Finally, a smirk was plastered on his face.

“If you were just a little patient, maybe you wouldn’t have ruined the surprise,” he says which leaves you confused. You saw him take out a frozen block from his trunks. Confusion still prominent on your face, he unfreezes the block to reveal a beautiful velvet box. Shouto froze the box to keep it from getting wet when he was in the water. And when it was time, he would use his other side to unfreeze the box. He opens the box easily with one hand and a gorgeous diamond ring was sitting inside.

“Shouto,” you gasped, admiring the ring. He takes it out the box and slips it on your ring finger.

“Marry me?” he asks. You cup both of his cheeks to bring him into a smothering kiss.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes!” you kept repeating, every time giving him another kiss. You loop your legs around his waist and he traps you in between his body and the edge of the pool. Both of you spend the rest of the night making out and having a bit of fun in the bedroom.

Bakugou shows up at your apartment the following week while you were eating breakfast. His eyes were puffy and he looked a mess. Your heart goes out to him and felt like you had tortured him enough. After talking to your fiancé about the whole situation, he convinced you to let him in and allow him to step up as the father to your child. But with conditions.

When you answered the door, Bakugou immediately saw the ring on your finger. He swore he didn’t see that before. If he was being honest with himself, seeing that ring on your finger broke his heart a little bit. Seeing you engaged to Todoroki, seeing you happy made him jealous that that wasn’t him. Because he should have been in his place. He should have been the one you were engaged to. He should have been the one you were happy with. He should have been there the entire time. And he wasn’t. For what? Because he was having difficult times in his work? At least he was relieved to hear the news that you were going to give him another chance at raising your son together. He was going to make up for what he missed out on. Todoroki joined you at the door and stuck his hand out for Bakugou to take.

“Welcome to the family.”

#bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #katsuki bakugou #todoroki shouto #bakugou imagine #todoroki imagine #bnha bakugou #bnha todoroki #bnha imagines #my hero academia #boku no hero academia

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authoressskr · 4 years ago

Text

Ruby Dragon Surprise (i)

Characters: f!Reader, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Clint Barton, Mercy (*previously Y/N in Bucky’s Dragon Soulmate Story*), mentions of Peggy Carter

Warnings: Language and no Beta :: Notes: This particular story will probably be three parts, cause Steve is emotionally constipated :: Word Count: 4849

I went with a dragon!soulmate!au, which I hadn’t seen before, but I did have a nifty dream about it that spawned this whole idea. He’s still an Avenger. Events are basically still the same (not exactly the same...people are alive who died in the mcu), just with dragons. ‘Cause who wouldn’t love a dragon companion?? This will be an ongoing series with different Avengers finding their soulmates with their dragons.

Howlite and Hearts (Bucky)

Please do NOT repost, copy & paste, post or share my works on any other platform without my EXPRESS PERMISSION.

-+- REBLOGGING is fine and very appreciated! -+-

Since men emerged from caves, began using tools and reshaping their environment, they have been intrigued by the draconian terrors of all shapes and sizes that roamed the world. The first records of man and dragon working together are from Mesopotamia, pieces of shattered pottery pieced back together showing a dragon standing beside a woman. Assyrian artifacts depict water dragons helping farmers in the field. Egyptian murals show dragons protecting the Pharaoh and his family, others showing different breeds of dragon fetching books from inside the Library of Alexandria.

History is dotted with famous dragons and their bonded humans; King Arthur and his steel-colored dragon, Excalibur. William Shakespeare and his dragon, Bard. Cleopatra and Bucephalus, named after Alexander the Great’s legendary steed. Abraham Lincoln and his dragon, Crusoe.

Over the centuries, dragons have become smaller from the giants painted in mythology, old texts and wall murals. The biggest dragon these days are about the size of a large crocodile, with the biggest recorded in the last decade almost as big as a hippo. Height varies on the type of dragon - with the tallest one balancing on its tail, hits almost eye level with a giraffe.

Classes have been taught for centuries about dragons and the bond between them with humans. Dragons will sometimes die right after their human counterpart and vice versa. Dragons who have lost their counterpart will sometimes live, seeking out their counterpart’s soulmate to stay with their draconian mates as well. It is not an uncommon thing - especially after times of war - for soulmates to have both dragons if one has died.

Dragon pairs will usually have the same colors and markings, even though they will often not be the same type of dragon. Dragons may look similar to the human eye, but a dragon will know it’s mate no matter what. It has not been determined how the dragons know their mate almost instantaneously, but after millennia humans have begun to follow the dragon counterpart’s knowledge in this area. Marriages of alliance and royalty have often been changed or dropped when one party finds its soulmate. In the same vein, marriages have also been arranged due to this circumstance as well. Cinderella is the most referenced fairy tale of this, with Cinderella having the same sapphire and gold colored dragon as the prince (*Dragon color varies by region and culture).

Soulmate bonds are some of the strongest bonds in our world. Both between a dragon pair and between a human pair. And on the flip side of the Cinderella story, dragons will attempt to push their human partners together if the human counterpart doesn’t seem interested or could result in a rejection.

On the same page, a rejection of this bond - always by the human partner - can have devastating consequences. This broken or unformed bond may result in: at first, flu-like symptoms but can build up to more serious symptoms such as feeling weak or run down, tremors and/or tics, varying weight loss, chest pains and even very mild seizures have been documented. Usually the bond is mended or solidified before it comes to these more serious issues. There are also historic rumors of deaths from broken hearts due to rejections, which has yet to be scientifically proven. The aforementioned symptoms may require hospitalization.

To date no dragon has succumbed to any symptoms from their human counterparts due to the rejection of the bond, which dragon experts seem truly puzzled by due to the strong bonds that can be formed between a human and a dragon. Rejections, however, are rare and scientists aren’t yet sure of all possible symptoms associated with a rejection of a bond. Touch, however, is shown to remedy these symptoms in trials and is known to be a powerful connector between a human and it’s dragon partner as well.

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If there was one thing Steve Rogers knew, it was that Peggy Carter was his soulmate.

He’ll admit he doesn’t think of it as often as when he came out of the ice, but he does still think about it - about Peggy - every few days. More so when Bucky, Sam and himself are out for lunch or when he and Wanda may be grabbing some coffee, because that is when he sees soulmates together.

The way soulmates look at each other is different. Like they don’t just see the person before them, but everything they are and could be; all rolled into everything they love.

And he’s envious of that look.

He knows he hasn’t received it. And he truly believes he hasn’t given it either. Sometimes he chalks it up to not being actual bonded soulmates with Peggy. Because he knows that the love that was blossoming would have turned into that loving, enraptured gaze he always longed for.

It’s the thought that gets interrupted when his cell rings on the way back from their morning run. He quickly switches his coffee cup to his other hand to fish the phone from his pant pocket, revealing Tony’s face on the screen.

“Hey, Tony.”

“Need you, the bird and the metal popsicle back here asap. Got a hit on a Hydra offshoot. Wheels up in 30.”

“Got it. We’re just a few blocks from the Tower now.”

“Pick up the pace then, old man,” And the call ends. He looks at Sam and Bucky before tossing back what’s left of his coffee and throwing it in a nearby trash can.

“Mission. Wheels go up in 30.” Sam sighs at his words.

“Morning calls are rare, man. Must be big.”

“Hydra,” Bucky mutters with a shake of his head before polishing off his own coffee. “Come on. Gonna take most of that time to get the scalies ready.”

“You know,” Sam mutters with a smug grin as they all continue towards the Tower, “You’ve picked up your soulmate’s habit of calling the dragons weird names.” Sam tosses his empty cup and dodges a swat from Bucky.

“Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing Sam…”

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Steve shifts in his place in the rafters, Rak wiggling on his back in response to peer over his shoulder down at the HYDRA agents. He nods at Bucky, who is perched across the building, just above the exit.

“Where’d you find this one?”

“Get this - a museum.” The blonde HYDRA agent cackles, leaving the brunet nodding, a serious look on his face. A loud clang of the door reveals two more HYDRA agents, dragging another person between them while a third agent follows behind with a tactical machine gun held tightly in his grip. If body shape is anything to go on, it’s a woman. A curvy and buxom one. Bucky quickly types out an update in Morse code to Natasha who is stationed outside with Sam and Tony as the brunet drags a heavy wooden chair into the middle of the room.

They toss the captive into the chair, zip tying their wrists behind them before pulling off the thick bag from their head. If looks could kill…

“Now, Miss, we are going to ask you a series of questions -”

“Fuck. Off.” Steve’s eyebrows shoot up at the venom in her tone.

“You don’t seem to know who we are.” Her jaw clenches as she looks away from the salt and pepper haired man who dragged her in. “Come now. I don’t want to injure you more than necessary…”

“Right.” She snaps, looking down at her lap with a sigh. The tall brunet who helped drag her in shifts to stand behind her, grabbing a fistful of hair and yanking her head back. Her gasp makes Rak hiss in his ear, Steve feeling his claw tips through his suit. He tilts his head to rub it against Rak’s, offering that silent comfort to calm him down.

“Now, Miss, the first question is: You work in the nearby museum, correct?”

“Seeing as that’s where you took me from…” She gasps again as the hand tightens in her hair, bending her head back a little more. That’s when she notices Bucky in the rafters - quickly closing her eyes and sniffles loudly.

“What are you working on there?”

“Paleontology mostly. But when I started there I worked in the geology department. I’m a floater between departments since I don’t have my full degree yet.” The man relaxes his grip a little, pushing her head forward towards its normal position again.

“Rocks and bones.” The older agent chuckles before rubbing his hand over his graying beard. “Do you do anything else in the museum?”

“I assist only in the two departments. The only reason I help the geology is when the woman who regularly helps is gone cause she’s having a rough pregnancy.”

“Now we know that’s a lie. You spend a lot of time in the accounting office.” Her head is pulled back again so she’s looking at the ceiling again.

“I’m not sure you lot are aware that each department has a budget. I have to submit forms every month about the spending. Plus, one of the accountants is my friend.”

“So you are saying our intel is wrong?”

“Look, I’d like my head to stay attached, but yes, your intel is shit. Probably someone just looking not to be in the position I’m currently in.”

“So the museum isn’t looking into the dragons ancestors?”

“If they are, then I don’t know about it. I’m a peon!” She yanks her head from the man’s grasp and struggles in the chair.

“Little cherub, you are a terrible liar.”

“Listen asshat, I am keenly aware I’m a terrible liar. So I tend NOT to lie. Especially to someone who has tied me to a chair and has a fucking gun!!” He sighs, giving a little shake of his head before his hand shoots out and backhands her, making her head snap to the left. Rak’s claws pierce through his suit, smoke curling from his nostrils making Steve tense under him even more. He holds his hand up in a stopping motion, Bucky cocking his head slightly before Steve gestures over his shoulder at Rak.

“Woman, HYDRA has been looking for you for awhile.”

“Seems like a waste of time to me. I can’t have anything HYDRA could possibly want. Except maybe morals.”

“We don’t need morals in HYDRA.” The blonde grunts out from his leaning place against the wall.

“I’m aware. Ya ever think that’s why SHIELD and the Avengers whip your ass? Resign you to the shadows like the phantoms you are.” There is a loud enough explosion that everyone turns towards the exit, the men all tensing. “AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOUR SIGIL OR WHATEVER IT IS MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE! HYDRA MEANS 5! WHY DOES YOUR SYMBOL HAVE 8? AND DO YOU ALL KNOW THAT THE HYDRA WAS DEFEATED???” Her head is sent sharply to the left again, blood trickling from her lip at the contact.

“WHO FOLLOWED YOU?!” The older agent snaps at the blonde and brunet who they saw first.

“NO ONE, SIR!” Bucky drops down just as Tony comes through the back exit, making Steve shimmy upright before he begins across the beams in the rafters to cut off their retreat.

He drops down with a dull thud, blocking the HYDRA agents as planned but the brunet with the machine gun has it pointed under the woman’s jaw.

“She’s not so sassy now,” The man in charge smirks out, stroking a finger down her cheek. He glances behind, seeing Bucky, Tony and Natasha behind him.

“You know, nasty little fellows such as yourself always get their comeuppance.” Her words loud and clear as her gaze slides towards the older agent, the muzzle of the gun digging harder into her skin at her words.

“Snarky little bitch, isn’t she?”

“I like snark,” Tony mentions, looking to Natasha who just rolls her eyes. “But that’s because I’m just so good at it.”

“Release the girl, unharmed, and we’ll take you alive.” Steve offers, Rak’s nails digging into his shoulder once more as smoke begins to curl out of his nose again.

“How about no?” The agent whom had been silent this entire time speaks with a sneer, his little blue dragon’s head popping from a pocket in his utility pants.

Bucky lets loose a single round to the knee of the agent with the sub machine gun, making him buckle and the gun drop from his grip. That’s when Tony blasts the salt and pepper haired man past Steve as Natasha cuts the woman free, only for the woman to rush past Steve and the other agents deeper into the warehouse. Rak jumps from his shoulder and flys after her, prompting Steve to sigh as Bucky runs past, following after her and Rak.

“Does she realize the exit is the other way?!” Tony yells through the comms, taking a stance by where he’d entered to fend off dozens of incoming HYDRA. Two men run towards Steve only to stutter to the ground as electricity surges through their bodies.

“Thanks Nat.” He grunts before rushing through the doorway to find his best friend, his dragon and the directionally impaired woman.

:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxx:::

You’re trying desperately to remember the turns they’ve dragged you through, looking for the spot where they had separated the two of you and tossed a bag over your head. A man moves to grab you, only to be attacked by an aggressive ruby dragon. It then scrabbles up your legs and perches itself on your shoulder, urging you on with a little grunt. You tread a little more carefully after that, but no less urgent, a scream clogging your throat as someone grabs your shoulder from behind before slipping a hand over your mouth.

“Don’t scream.” You nod as the former Winter Soldier comes into view. “You know, the easy exit was the other way.”

“I’m aware. But they tossed my dragon in a big plastic looking box then I got the bag and drag treatment.”

“This warehouse has two floors in the front half, did they take you upstairs at all?” A shake of your head is all you can manage before the dragon flits from your shoulder and begins running down the hallway. “I guess we follow Rak then. You stay behind me and if I tell you to do something -”

“Consider it done.” You agree before gently pushing at his arm to get him moving.

Rak doesn’t stop until he’s about two hallways off where you all stopped, hissing and sending several fiery breaths towards the small side dock where HYDRA agents were loading up your dragon.

“Velma!” Her answering screech is enough to get you moving, Sgt. Barnes hand shooting out to keep you behind him. He’s got two of them shot and Rak is mauling another when you see a silver blur knock out the other two. It’s only when you turn to your right do you see Captain America snatch his shield, holding it for a beat before turning to look at you. If looks could lecture...you’d be in for a loooong one.

But as he gives you that look all you can think of is that now all the douche HYDRA agents are now k-o’ed, so you rush over to the giant box, sticking your fingers through the big air holes to stroke at her muzzle, Rak chirping at Sgt. Barnes, who steps around your crouched form and snaps the two heavy duty locks off with his metal hand. Your dragon bursts from the cage and tackles you, curling herself around your chest and neck as best she can as you coo reassurances to her.

“We gotta go,” Steve takes hold of your elbow, helping you up as you heft Velma off the ground, her wings wrapping securely around you as you follow Captain America back the way you came. Rak is riding on his shoulder and moving his ruby head back and forth between you and the hallway ahead. The Black Widow joins you halfway back and takes point, an emerald green dragon with beautiful iridescent wings in shades of purples, blacks, greens and a few splashes of a pale yellow shimmer brightly even in the dim lights of the warehouse hallway. You let out a soft grunt, hefting Velma a little higher as your arms start to tire. “Almost there. I can carry her, if you like?” He doesn’t look at you when he offers, simply continues looking forward at his measured pace beside you.

“I can manage,” Your pride answers before your tired arms can get a word in, a smile twitching at his lips at your answer, which just makes your pride suddenly all the more determined to do it yourself. He moves forward when you all get back to where the attack began, Natasha taking his place before Falcon glides in through the hole in the wall.

“It’s all secure to the jet,” He reports as he lands. “Tony is circling the outer gates to make sure they don’t have anything else - hostages or weapons.”

“Alright. Let’s get her on the jet. We’ll look her over and call into the compound for the doctor to be ready when we arrive.”

“Already done,” Natasha confirms and they all move in a protective box around you and Velma, Falcon now on your right and Natasha on your left as the good Captain takes the lead and the Sergeant keeps his place in the rear.

You’re herded - there is no other way to put it really - onto this very expensive, military-looking, and slightly futuristic jet. Falcon gestures to a seat and you kneel in front of it, carefully dislodging your draconian partner before taking the seat. Her scaled head nudges your open hand, reminding you that you’ve both made it.

Safe echoes in your mind and you nod, meeting her light amethyst eyes.

Safe, you reply as she climbs awkwardly into the seat beside yours, laying her head on your thigh.

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“Baby,” She coos to the dragon, a shiver going up his spine at the softness and care in her tone, her hand sliding easily over it’s red scales as Sam returns to her side with a first aid kit.

“They do anything else besides these?” Sam asks gently, his finger brushing softly over her cheek where it’s already beginning to swell. A shake of her head is all she manages, “Okay, I’m gonna clean it with an alcohol pad.” Sam swipes it across her cheek and around the left side of her mouth to get off the dried blood. When he dabs just under her lip she hisses and so does Rak, her own dragon tensing up and curling it’s upper lip just enough to flash the tips of its teeth.

“Down, kids,” She mumbles out before Tony struts onto the jet.

“All clear. Let’s go home.” Tony sits beside her as the jet begins to ascend, both men’s gazes dropping to her free hand which is gripping the edge of her seat. “I’m Tony.”

“Y/N.”

“Dragon?”

“Velma.”

“Velma,” Tony repeats with a chuckle. “I like it. Suits you both. This is Jericho.”

“‘By faith the walls of Jericho fell’…is that right?”

“Exactly! ‘See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands’. My mother insisted that I know the Bible. I just liked the idea of marching and horns defeating a strong enemy. No bullets, no bombs; just faith.”

“Kind of goes against the initial sort of images of yourself, huh?” Tony leans in slightly, a grin flirting on his lips.

“Have you been talking to my wife?” She leans in too, their foreheads nearly touching.

“I think I’d remember talking to her.”

“She is very memorable.” He agrees, leaning back in the seat before waving his finger at her chest. “Buckle up. We should be there in about twenty or thirty.”

“Do you need anything?” Steve asks, Bucky’s eye popping open from his resting place in the corner and a tiny twitch of his lips making him want to glare at his best friend.

“No, thank you.” Steve nods, moving to the front to talk to Natasha when Rak flits to the floor and scurries over to her, his head tilted to one side with his begging eyes on. Steve moves to turn back to stop Rak from bothering her. “Get up here then,” A smile dancing in her eyes as he chirps happily, leaping easily into her lap and shaking his wings out before carefully settling down, his snout resting beside Velma’s.

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You’re just nodding off when the jet lands, carefully tapping Velma and then Rak to wake them before stretching, wincing at the soreness in your face and neck.

Steve walks by you as the bay door opens before he whistles, Rak’s head perking up from the seat beside you, but he doesn’t move. This doesn’t seem to sit well with Steve, who glares at his partner like he’s betrayed him.

The dragon begrudgingly jumps down and stands at the Captain’s feet, an outstretched hand drawing you from the curiosity you felt watching Rak and Steve. You’re met with storm blue eyes and a small, easy smile.

“Come on, kid,” Unclicking from your seat, you accept his hand with a hushed thank you. You are hardly off the jet before a white marble blur nearly takes James down, his laughter ringing out before a woman appears just after, helping him up and the two of them disappearing into the building. You’re caught at a crossroads of sorts...Do you follow? Isn’t that a bit presumptuous?

“Are you Y/N?” You’re startled from your thoughts by a woman with thick black hair piled atop her head in a white lab coat.

“Yes?”

“I’m Dr. Hale. Natasha and Tony told us to be expecting you.” She gestures you forward, opposite to where the Avengers disappeared to. You follow obediently, with Velma trailing behind you, also looking to where they’d all gone. “Do you have any medical conditions we should be aware of?”

“No.”

“High blood pressure?”

“No, but if it’s high I was just taken hostage and then backhanded twice before having a gun shoved against my jaw while they tried to take my dragon.” She makes a face, eyebrows raised and fighting back a smile before she manages a big nod.

“Understandable...well let’s check all that. Was your dragon injured?”

“I ran my hands over all of her and she’s not injured that I can tell.” You look down at her, purple eyes alight. “You hurt, baby?” Velma shakes her head, her tail twitching slightly when she does so.

“Perfect. We’ll just check you over and then Tony should come get you.” All you can do is nod, following her into a very white and metallic exam room.

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Steve’s voice can be heard through the door of his room, he’s sure of it.

Rak has snapped at him twice so far and nearly set his comforter on fire because he ordered him to stay put while he showered. Steve knew where he would wander off to and he told Rak he needs to let the doctor do their job and check them over. He had angrily settled down when Howl had come into the room, the bigger dragon tossing himself down onto Rak’s bed - successfully luring Rak to him and calming the little spitfire down long enough for Steve to get a shower.

Once he was out of the shower, Rak started up again, a stare off ensuing between the two of them while Howl looked on in amusement.

“I said no!” Steve snaps at the wyvern before clenching his jaw so tight he’s sure he hears a pop. Rak opens his mouth, flashing all his teeth only to snap it closed when Bucky’s soulmate sticks her head in.

“Sorry. I knocked, but you must not have heard...I was just looking for Howl.” Howl’s whole body shakes as he wiggles his way happily to her. “Tony just went to get the woman from the infirmary, just to let you know.” Steve scowls at her as Rak begins to follow Howl out the door.

“Hey! Best behavior. And you need to cut the whole hissing, snapping and fire at me, you little gas ball.” Rak snorts, almost giving an eye roll as Steve blocks the door. “Shoulder.” He points for emphasis, his partner huffing as he slowly climbs up onto his shoulder. “And stay there, do you understand?” He turns his ruby head away and Steve’s mind wanders to the impossible...but he quickly shakes that thought from his head.

When she enters the room with her dragon, her cheek and lip swollen a little more than an hour ago when he’d seen her.

Wanda gasps as she enters the room, looking from Rak to Velma, Rak doing the exact fucking opposite as he was told - flinging himself from Steve’s shoulder and running towards you and Velma - before giving a little squeal.

“I’ve never seen a dragon soulmate pair meeting!” Steve looks in confusion from the dragons to Wanda and then to the woman, the room now deadly silent except for the soft, contented growls coming from the pair of ruby dragons curled around each other at Y/N’s feet.

“What - no, that’s not - that’s not possible.” Steve snorts in disbelief after he manages his oh-so eloquent words. “No. She’s not my soulmate,” The words tumble from his lips before he has a chance to really think the situation over but his eyes still see everything.

They see the hope that was blossoming in her soft eyes and they see the confusion flash through those pretty eyes before the hurt makes the light die out in them, her eyes dropping to the floor quickly.

He opens his mouth to refute his own words - to apologize and take it back - when he sees Bucky glaring at him.

After all, hadn’t it been him who had told Bucky to go after his dragon and his soulmate? Who had told Bucky he’d give anything to be in his shoes? And now that he was, he had just rejected his soulmate.

You could hear a pin drop as he stands there gaping like a fish before managing to firmly close his mouth.

She’s staring at their dragons, snouts pressed along side each other with their wings touching, tails twined together before she looks up and blinks rapidly. He knows she’s willing the tears away and it physically hurts him to see her avert her eyes.

Clint steps forward, whispering in her ear before offering her his arm. Clint takes her past him, both of their dragons trailing eagerly after her and both blatantly ignoring his very existence.

“All clear boss,” comes a familiar accented voice, Steve can feel all of his family’s eyes boring into him before Natasha speaks up.

“What the actual hell, you dumbass?”

“My sentiments exactly.” Tony pipes up from behind her.

“Didn’t you say you wish you were in my shoes?” Sam just harrumphs at Bucky’s words from where he’s sitting on the couch by Bucky and his soulmate.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize…” Wanda mutters among the other comments, worrying her bottom lip.

“It’s not your fault, Wanda,” Mercy soothes from the couch, hand gently squeezing Bucky’s as her dragon Cloud moves from her shoulder to Bucky’s, sensing his tenseness.

“Clint’s giving her a tour. She’ll be staying here until we can find out specifically why Hydra was after her. That should give you enough time to pull your head out of your ass,” Tony states while shoving his long sleeves up a bit on his forearms, hitting Steve with a “Sweet Jesus” side eye that Steve was all too well acquainted with.

“It just came out!”

“Like diarrhea…” Pietro says loudly from the kitchen, tossing a handful of grapes into his mouth. Steve glares at the male Maximoff, whom he literally didn’t even realize was in the damn kitchen.

“Again, it just came out. I didn’t even think about what I said!”

“That is abundantly clear,” Howl crawls into Bucky’s lap at his words, big eyes pleading to his human dad for pets to calm them both down, tail twacking Mercy who just rolls her eyes playfully at his needy and loving response to Bucky’s mood. Bucky smiling oh so softly at Howl and Mercy, as he strokes the oversized dragon taking up his lap.

Steve watches that and he aches for it. Those knowing looks to share with his soulmate.

But Peggy is gone.

And he doesn’t know where to go from here with this woman. Or the fact that Rak is completely convinced that Velma is his mate.

Because he is pretty sure she isn’t.

‘Pretty sure’ isn’t going to cut it for everyone else though. It definitely won’t be enough for Rak, that little gas ball of betrayal.

Steve was well and truly fucked.

Tagging: @moonbeambucky @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @unleashthemidnight @stay-frosty-royal-unicorn @chelsea072498 @clockworkmorningglory @sakurablossom4 @marichromatic @blondecoffeecake @ourloveisforthelovely @whinywingedwinchester @feelmyroarrrr

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers au #authoressskr writes #dragon!soulmate!au #marvel fanfiction #steve x reader #part i

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thestupidhelmet · 4 years ago

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Hey there, can you pls help a fellow writer? Here's the thing: I've been writing T70S fanfic for a while, and I feel that I'm managing to keep the characters in character, writing dialogue and their thoughts is easy for me now, but I'm having a whole lot of trouble with their body language.

For instance, when Jackie's really happy or excited about something, she claps her hands enthusiastically, smiles and gives those small adorable jumps. I've seen her doing that on the show and I try to bring that to my stories, but I'm having trouble writing her body language in other situations.

And that's a problem I'm having with all the characters. Like, I know Kelso and Eric both tend to gesticulate a lot with their hands when they're excited about something, but I don't know how to write them when they're scared, or sad, etc. Does that even make sense?

Anyways, I have no trouble writing about the character's feelings, I do have trouble when they need to express their feelings with something other than words, usually, their body language.

I want to give each character their own unique way to express themselves through their body. Like, Hyde and Eric, for example, will behave differently when they're like, really happy or really sad.

Hyde is not the type of guy that claps when he's really excited about something, he's a chill guy and he's the one I struggle the most to write when he's experiencing a strong emotion.

What I mean to ask is: can you give me some tips? I'm really struggling with this. Sorry if this was way too long, I don't even know if this ask made sense to you, but... well, I just could really use some help.

Hi! For my own T7S stories, I’ve made specific choices for the characters’ (emotional) body language based on my understanding / interpretation of who they are, and you can do the same. You’ve obviously observed quite a bit from the actors’ performances from the show, but I’ll describe body language you might not have spotted.

Jackie

She displays a variety of behaviors when she’s sad or upset, depending on what lies underneath her sadness. It also changes depending on her life experiences (basically, how many times her heart has been broken and by whom). You’ll find some commonalities in her body language when she’s upset, however.

When she feels hopeless or is grieving, she stays relatively still, sitting in one spot. She’ll hug a pillow or pick at a stuffed animal’s ear until her feelings overwhelm her. Then she’ll full-out cry while continuing to stay in one spot and picking at whatever she’s grabbed for comfort. See “Ski Trip” (1x13).

As she experiences more heartbreak, her stillness remains when she’s upset. She’ll stare off into the distance while crying. But unlike in “Ski Trip,” she sometimes cries silently. See “Kelso’s Serenade” (2x21).

When she’s depressed, she loses affect in her voice. Her movements are slower. See “Jackie Moves On” (2x22).

When she’s fighting to be understood -- whether she’s angry or sad or wanting desperately for someone to do something specific -- she becomes animated. She makes pleading gestures with her hands. She’ll also place her hand on her heart.

When she’s fighting for her life -- her emotional life / happiness -- she’ll let snot run down her face while trying to get the other person to understand her needs. See “Don’t Lie to Me” (7x12).

When frustrated, she’ll slap her leg, slam a door after leaving a room, or even kick or pinch the other person. (No! Bad, Jackie!) See “Nobody’s Fault but Mine” (5x23) and “The Immigrant Song” (5x24).

When annoyed or disgusted, she’ll grunt or lean her head back -- or do both at once. With Eric, she’s also sneered. (Too many examples exist to list a specific episode.)

When she’s trying to coax someone to doing what she wants, she’ll do a subtle shoulder shimmy (which I bet she picked up from her mom). She’s done this with Hyde and, I think, Donna. See “Kelso’s Serenade” (2x21) for an example with Hyde.

When she has a sudden idea she thinks is important, she’ll gasp and put her hand on Donna, Kelso, or Hyde’s knee (depending on whom she’s talking to).

Jackie will rub a person’s knee or arm as an expression of emotional support. She’ll also lean her temple against a friend’s (or lovers) when she’s feeling affectionate toward them.

Honestly, I could keep on listing body language for her. But you can find it yourself by watching the episodes. Find an episode where Jackie experiences a specific emotion you’re looking to write into your own story and see how it’s portrayed. This advice stands for the rest of the characters, but I’ll list some body language for them, too.

Kelso

When he’s scared, he closes in on himself physically, trying to make himself a small as possible. He also shakes while doing this. Or he’ll scream. Or he’ll shove someone -- even a person he supposedly loves -- out of the way to get himself to safety. He’ll also find someplace to hide if he feels it’s necessary, usually under a pierce of furniture.

When he’s sad, he’ll cry. Sometimes he’ll hug something with sentimental value to his chest, like a photograph while crying. Or he’ll rip apart something symbolic of how he’s feeling, like a cookie shaped heart.

If feelings of anger or loneliness are mixed into his sadness, he’ll sometimes cry but it’s less forceful. He’ll slump to the couch.

If he feels particularly betrayed, he won’t look at the person who hurt him while in that person’s presence, even if they’re talking to each other.

When anger and betrayal mix, he’ll get physically violent -- usually, but not always, to his own detriment. He’ll run into a screen door then yank it off its hinges. He’ll shoot someone with a BB gun, etc.

When he’s confused, he often stares blankly with a strange expression on his face.

Eric

When he’s scared, the pitch of his voice rises. He’ll swallow more. Sometimes he stutters. He’ll fidget. He’ll look from side to side. He becomes hypervigilant of his surroundings.

Eric often expresses his anger either directly or passive-aggressively. When direct, he’ll shout his feelings and thoughts or speak them at a louder volume than normal. He’s not particularly cruel in what he says.

When passive-aggressive, he’ll smirk smugly while or after making a sharp insult. He’ll rest his hands on his hips or hook his hand / thumbs in his pants pockets in between gesturing. He’ll also laugh smugly while sticking out his tongue then blow a raspberry. This last sequence of behavior seems to be one he and Hyde share, so maybe one of them picked it up from the other while growing up.

If frustration is mixed with his anger, he’ll shout and shove furniture around.

When feeling a particularly overwhelming emotion, whether pleasant or unpleasant, he tends to get on the hood of the Vista Cruiser and look up at the sky. If deeply upset, he might cry silently and slam his fist onto the car’s hood. See “The Promise Ring” (3x25).

After making a devastating choice he believes is right but breaks his heart, he’ll shove his hands in his pockets, look down at the floor or his shoes, and stay quiet. See “Love, Wisconsin Style” (4x27).

The quality of Eric’s voice often reveals a lot about his emotional state. He’ll speak really quietly, not whispering, but as if trying not to scare away a doe when delivering bad news.

Fez

Fez is relatively open and direct with his emotional expression. When he’s sad, he cries. When he’s angry, he shouts. When he’s hurt-angry, he might cry-shout. When he’s happy, he might sing a song and/or do a little dance. Or he’ll hug and kiss his friends (male and female) when he’s grateful.

He’s generally not afraid to speak his mind. If his feelings are particularly intense, he’ll demonstrate his emotional state with a physical display (e.g., ”You dump Fez? I dump fries! There’s your scene!”)

When he’s scared, however, he sometimes pulls in emotionally to protect himself. He won’t speak his mind. Or he’ll clasp his hand in prayer, look up, and ask God for help or answers. He might disregard another person’s boundaries to feel safer (see “Ski Trip” when he’s cold). On the opposite end of the spectrum, he can become obsessive (e.g., calling Eric at three in the morning to ask if they’re still friends).

Fez tends to keep his hands on his hips a lot, regardless of what he’s feeling at any given moment. It’s one of his characterizing personality quirks.

Donna

When she’s angry, she can yell her feelings or an insult (or both). Or completely swallow her anger and talk / act as if she’s fine. She’ll stomp away after an argument, whether up a flight of stairs or to her yard. In season 3, she also takes on a quality of becoming emotionally distant and dismissive, which is reflected in her body language by maintaining a physical distance while looking the other person squarely in the eye.

When she’s sad, she’s doesn’t tend to cry. She’ll talk about what’s upsetting her with emotion in her voice. She’ll gesture with her hands or bite her thumbnail. If she’s discussing her feelings with Eric, she’ll hug him.

When she’s depressed, her posture slumps.

When she’s terrified or feeling betrayed, that’s when she’ll cry. She might reach out to the other person (Eric) with her hand.

Donna tends to act out and/or become self-destructive when she’s feels powerless. Her body language gains a swagger (her walk, her facial expressions, her tone of voice).

If she’s happy, she’ll gesture in excitement with both hands. She smiles and laughs, too, while explaining what’s made her happy.

Donna will hug friends and family to show emotional support.

Hyde

Hyde does not like people knowing how he’s feeling at any given moment, whether it’s happy, angry, sad, etc. But he does express emotion through body language.

When he’s nervous and he’s sitting, his leg might bounce or his foot will shake. More often, though, he’ll cross his arms over his chest protectively. This latter behavior is true for many of his emotions.

He’ll pace when he’s conflicted. Or stand still and pinch the bridge of his nose while considering all the variables of his internal conflict. He’s very careful when speaking or purposely revealing his (emotional) truth, and he might take a few breaths before actually saying it aloud.

He’ll also pace and scratch the back of his head he’s antsy or edgy.

Generally, though, he tries hard to suppress his feelings. This often makes him stand stiffly with his arms dangling still at his sides.

When he’s amused, he doesn’t hide it. He’ll chuckle or laugh. If he’s very amused, he’ll laugh hard and press his hands against his stomach. If he’s laughing that hard with a friend, he’ll hold onto that friend for support while lowering his head.

He’s rarely happy, but with Jackie he is. His joy beams out of him like sunlight. See his private moment with Jackie at the start of “Magic Bus” (6x03) and the circle scene with Jackie in “I’m A Boy” (6x08) for examples.

He’ll hug his male friends when they’ve been gone for months or they’re about to leave for a long time. He’ll also hug Kitty and Red when he feels happy for or grateful to them.

That being said, he doesn’t like when people hug him spontaneously. Depending on who’s doing the hugging, he’ll either shove them off angrily (Kelso, Fez, and Eric), endure the hug until he figures out how to make it stop (Kitty), or even panic a little (Roy). Hyde has to be the initiator or co-initiator of the hug. He likely feels trapped and out of control otherwise, which makes sense considering the physical abuse he experienced from his mom.

He’ll clasp or sling his arm around a friend’s shoulder in camaraderie or support.

If you’d like more advice about showing character emotion through body language, I recommend The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide To Character Expression by Becca Puglisi and Angela Ackerman.

I hope this post helps! :D

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Steven Hyde #Jackie Burkhart #Eric Forman #Ask #Anon #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay #Writing Advice #Fanfic Writing Advice

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valkerymillenia · 4 years ago

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Klaus in season 2

First of all, let me point out that I love season 2, I really do. It's a great season for a great show. This post is very critical but it's not a reflection of the whole season itself, just of one aspect.

I know a lot of people are as upset as I am about how Klaus was treated in season 2. He's my favorite and I hated how the writers and characters alike treated him so I'm just here to vent.

Not that everything was awful, no, Klaus is still my favorite, he still had some amazing scenes but...

I get that not every character can be center stage every season when you have a show with 7 main characters, I really do. I'm not upset that Klaus had less protagonism because I know he'll get his chance to shine again and be in the spotlight in the future, but... That doesn't excuse the bullshit that was done with Klaus this season.

Everything around his arc and his powers in season 1 was ignored in return for turning him into comic relief with a dash of unresolved ship angst.

I don't like how his constant suffering is ignored with no catharsis or endgame or acknowledgement, or how his obvious kindness is downplayed by every character.

I don't like how him falling off the wagon was approached.

I don't like how the cult thing was played for laughs and he was called narcissistic and selfish when he was obviously trying to do the right thing (and failing) over and over.

Yes, starting the cult was a bad idea but he clearly didn't mean for it to get out of hand, he was just trying to survive and looking for support and validation anywhere he could in a strange new environment and he tried very hard to end it but they never let him. The cult was smothering him, disrespecting his personal space (and his actual requests not to be touched or to be left alone), invading his home without consent, objectifying the hell out of him, and so on. This would have been perfect to play out a parallel with how the ghosts never leave him alone, it's a sugar coated version of the horrible hauntings in s1, it would have been the perfect way to have his siblings realize how hard he has things, but instead he's painted as selfish and the cult plotline had zero payout or meaning in the overall plot.

I don't like how his powers were either nerfed to avoid stealing the spotlight (and how some of his original comic powers were co-opted by other characters).

I don't like how one of the biggest key points of his powers that shaped 29 years of his life was suddenly swept under the rug this season and treated so lightly.

Seriously, not a single ghost around him other than those two split-second scenes? This guy ruined his life with hard drugs just to escape the constant presence of the dead that are literally everywhere but suddenly in season 2 they are nowhere, suddenly the very thing that led him to desperation (and near death in more than one situation) before is gone, it makes light of his addiction and suffering, it makes his struggle with sobriety come off as lazy.

Remember Hazel and Cha-Cha's ghosts? Where are Five's ghosts? The cult's ghosts? Ghosts are supposed to always be around whether he wants them or not. Remember the how the voices haunted him even in the bath and underwater as soon as he started coming down from the high? Where's that now? Sure, maybe he could have learned to control what ghosts he sees or hears but we saw nothing of that, no struggle, no learning, no evolution, it's never mentioned and Klaus no longer seems to care, suddenly the only ghost around is Ben and the only power Klaus is developing is the ability to physically interact with Ben or make Ben corporeal (and that's all about Ben, not Klaus). Even possession, a power that should belong to Klaus or at least be controlled by him, is given to Ben without explanation.

They gives us a tiny glimpse of Klaus at peace with ghosts and in control of his powers in the opening of the season and then they annul it completely and show absolutely no explanation for it. It's such lazy writing! It's like they don't even know how to write Klaus unless he's high or drunk, it's like the writers see that as his only personality traits and not as something he struggles with.

I don't like how his reaction to Ben disappearing was so glossed over and barely addressed.

They were glued to each other (willingly) for 16 years. Ben was the voice of Klaus's conscience, his only support and his best friend, everyone else mourned Ben 17 years ago but not Klaus, he deserved to mourn and we deserved to see more a 2 second bed scene of Klaus looking kinda sad and a 20 second conversation about the loss of his best friend that was less about grief and more about guilt.

I don't like that he had no role in the final battle, even if they didn't want him to stay the spotlight, they could still have given some role, they could still have given him a chance to fight Lila too (perfect moment to show Lila being freaked out by the dead and give the siblings a glimpse of Klaus's burden), or at the very (VERY) least they could have given a plausible reason for him to not participate (like being injured or disabled early on or having to take care of someone else) but no, he, the trained vigilante and war vet, was just hiding and cowering.

Speaking of which, I get that Klaus is acting like a hippy pacifist in this season and he's crippled by PTSD but there are so many scenes where he should have at least shown his fighting skills for self-defense because you cannot tell me he had no fighting skills, he was trained the same way as his siblings and he was a soldier in an active battlefront for 10 months without dying, he HAS to have excellent skills. They just made him a physical doormat this season, he never reacts other than getting hit, hiding or running.

The Dave plotline was the only thing well addressed and I suspect we'll see the proper resolution to that in the next season.

I don't like a lot of things about how Klaus was handled this season but it's not that everything was awful, I still love Klaus and he did have great parts this season too and some interesting development.

I did love seeing him bond and interact with his siblings, I did like seeing him be incredibly supportive and affectionate to his family (even when they don't notice or appreciate it and even when it's just too further another sibling's plot), I absolutely adore how he dished out romantic wisdom with his sisters.

Seriously, I really did like him being supportive and affectionate- Allison with her love life, the dead Swede, her worries for her husband, the danger of the riot, getting her husband out of jail, etc; Vanya by including her and being affectionate, with her love life as well and by being honest with her all the way; Diego by trying to comfort him after Reginald emotionally devasted him, hugging him and trying to lighten the mood and show affection in other scenes even after all the times Diego is dismissive of him and accuses him off still being intoxicated; etc, etc, etc. Yes, he was rather mean towards Ben this season (refusing to tell the family he was there, ignoring him, using him to impress people or as a shield, etc) but he was also kind to Ben by keeping him corporeal often, letting him possess him despite how horrible it felt, again with Ben's love life as well by acting like a wingman, etc.

Klaus is naturally kind and affectionate, he's caring and protective of his family, his methods may be terrible and he may mess up a lot but his intentions are always good. This season picked up on that from s1 and highlighted it even more. That was a positive thing but the fact that nobody in the family acknowledges this, the fact that they still dismiss him as intoxicated and narcissistic, that was AWFUL.

Klaus is still self-destructive and deeply traumatized but both of those things were glossed over or played for laughs, I could handle the family dismissing him if these issues were given the importance and respect they deserved and there was an endgame or some payoff but... Nope, we got none of that.

Honestly, it just really bothers me that all the serious things established in season 1 were completely ignored just so Klaus would be lighter and less likely to steal the spotlight. I just want the multiple traumas and secrets that he's keeping from the family to be addressed, I want his struggles with his powers and sobriety to be validated and addressed instead of played for laughs or only remembered when it's convenient, I want to family to start showing any little bit of understanding or concern or appreciation for him (if they could do it for Vanya this season then they can do it for him too).

What I wouldn't give for Klaus to just finally snap in season 3 and be the accidental cause of the next possible doomsday just so the family would finally be forced to take him seriously and give him the right kind of support and attention.

#tua s2 #tua s2 spoilers #tua spoilers #tua meta #klaus hargreeves #number 4

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hartigays · 5 years ago

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3. “It’s always been you.”

billy storms out of the apartment, seething and fighting back tears. because billy hargrove does not cry. ever. he didn’t back when he lived with neil, he didn’t after his mom left, he didn’t when he got arrested for possession and almost lost his scholarship to UCLA.

he’s not about to start now.

not because steve pretty boy harrington has to go around acting like a grade-A asshole, with his soft hair and big eyes and pouty lips, screwing everything with a goddamn pulse. no sir. billy won’t give him that luxury.

the reality is, steve has always had a thing for plowing his way through as many people as humanly possible. or so billy heard all those years ago when he’d first arrived in hawkins and started inquiring about the pretty-faced indiana boy who billy just couldn’t seem to stay away from.

but billy thought all of that was behind them. they live together, for fuck’s sake. they’d moved out to california together so billy could go to school, and so steve could take a position at one of the offices of his father’s company in LA. steve hasn’t been seeing anyone, billy hasn’t been seeing anyone. they’ve been happy. content.

and okay, so maybe they aren’t dating. maybe billy hasn’t exactly told steve how he feels. but, like, steve should know. billy has gone out of his way to make it glaringly obvious. steve may be oblivious, but he’s not dumb. not like everyone thinks.

billy is pretty damn sure there’s no way steve isn’t aware of how he feels.

the worst part is, billy thought steve actually felt the same. at least, he had up until today, when he walked in on steve sitting on the couch with some girl, laughing and smiling and whatever the fuck else. he’d walked out before he could see anything more, despite steve’s desperate pleas for him to come back so they could talk.

there’s nothing to talk about. billy thought steve liked him, steve doesn’t. it’s done. he just needs some time to... process it, or whatever. billy finds himself on the beach soon enough, and he slips off his shoes so he can stick his toes in the sand, plopping down with a sigh.

it’s a private beach tucked a ways away from the pier, but billy knows the owners of this plot. they don’t stay at their beach house until the winter, when they want to escape to somewhere a little warmer during the colder months. he’s pretty sure the rest of their time is spent in aspen. so for now he’s safe to sit here and think, staring out at the water as the sun sinks below the horizon.

billy has brought steve here a lot. they’ve picnicked here several times, and billy even brought steve out a once or twice to teach him how to surf before they knew that steve was irreparably bad at it. the thought makes billy’s heart squeeze, and he has to pinch himself as a reminder to not be such a pussy.

because it’s whatever that steve is into some air-headed cheerleader type with a tiny waist and hair like strands of gold. it doesn’t bother billy one bit. not at all. he Does Not Care in the slightest.

maybe if he keeps telling himself that, it’ll somehow become true.

“thought i might find you out here.”

billy doesn’t turn around at the sound of steve’s voice, keeping his eyes forward even though his stomach sinks. “congratulations, you’ve finally managed to develop critical thinking skills. let’s bust out the champagne.”

“i can go if you want me to,” steve says softly, even though billy feels him sink down onto the sand next to him, close enough that their arms brush.

billy just snorts, shrugging. “i don’t give a shit what you do, harrington.”

steve just sighs, and for a long time he doesn’t speak. out of the corner of his eye, billy can see him staring out at the sunset, looking rather forelorn. billy wishes he could turn that look into something soft, something happy, but steve has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t have that right.

“you know, i remember the first time you took me here,” steve says finally, and billy can’t help but glance over at him. steve’s smile is warm and soft, but tinged with something like sadness. “you tried to teach me how to surf. the first time, i mean. i slipped off the board and busted my ass so hard on it you had to carry me home.”

“you suck at surfing,” billy acknowledges, nodding. “badly.”

steve huffs a soft laugh. “yeah, i do. i just remember thinking that it was still one of the best days i’ve ever had. because that was the day i knew you loved me as much as i love you.”

billy goes completely still, his heart leaping up into his throat and his eyes watering, because what the fuck? where does steve get off making an admission like that just to make billy be less upset with him?

“don’t do that,” billy says, his voice rough. “you don’t get to do that. don’t pretend like you feel the same just because you don’t want me to be pissed at you.”

“billy,” steve starts, sounding distressed. he pauses, meeting billy’s eyes and fuck, they’re filled with tears too and billy doesn’t know how he feels about that. “it’s you. it’s always been you.”

the words break something inside of billy, and he crumples. he can’t pretend to be mad anymore when the truth is that he’s devastated. plain and simple.

“you sure have a funny way of showing it,” billy tells him, sniffling and wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “i saw you two. you were two seconds from playing couch twister. would’ve been if i hadn’t walked in when i did.”

“leanne is gay, billy,” steve groans, burying his face in his hands. “she works with me and she’s gay. has a nice girlfriend named annalise. they have a fucking kid. we were just- jesus, i can’t believe i even have to explain this. to you of all people. i’m the dumb one, remember? fuck. we were just going over some fucking spreadsheets. yeah, riveting stuff. super romantic.”

“i didn’t- are you fucking with me?” billy asks, because he’s starting to feel really fucking stupid and a small part of him is hoping he didn’t just throw a (rather humiliating) tantrum over nothing. “you guys were giggling. and sitting so close, i just... i thought you were making a move.”

“god, you can be more dense than me sometimes, you know that? we were giggling about you, dumbass. i told her that i liked you and she wanted to know more,” steve explains, shaking his head in disbelief. “it was just- i dunno. like two friends at a sleepover giggling about their crushes.”

“would you quit calling yourself an idiot?” billy huffs. primarily because he can’t think of anything else to say - his mind is racing too much. but also because it’s true. “this kinda proves that if anyone’s an idiot here, it’s me. i just- i don’t understand why you never said anything.”

steve is shoving his hands through the sand repeatedly, watching the sand run between his fingers. “you know i’m bi, i told you as much. i figured you were like me, or gay, or- i dunno. i just thought you weren’t ready to talk about it yet. i left the ball in your court, thinking that once you were ready, we’d, y’know. address the fucking elephant in the room.”

“the elephant being... ?” billy trails off. and he knows, but he really just wants to hear steve say it again.

steve rolls his eyes, laughing. “you know what i mean. but fine: the elephant being that i’m in love with you. and that i’m really, really hoping you love me, too.”

“i do,” billy says, his voice soft. “and i’m an idiot. i’m sorry.”

“you’re not an idiot. i probably would’ve thought the same thing if the roles were reversed and i walked in on something like that.” steve glances over at billy, giving him a tender smile. “just... next time, let’s talk to each other, yeah? i think that’ll save both of us a lot of grief.”

billy just hums, nodding his approval. they sit in comfortable silence for a little while, both still too nervous to make a move despite having just confessed their love to each other. at this point billy just finds it endearing, but he really, really wants to be closer to steve, and not just emotionally.

“i am gay, you know,” billy starts, his palms sweating, “and i really want to kiss you.”

“i know. and i think i’d like that.”

steve’s lips are soft and yielding beneath billy’s. his kisses feel exactly the way billy imagined they would - tender and sweet and a little shy, but curious. billy tries to keep it slow, not wanting to shove them into uncharted territory, but it’s only a matter of time before billy has steve’s back hitting the sand, hovering over him, their lips never breaking apart.

steve just sighs into the kiss, embracing the new position without complaint. he relaxes into the sand, one hand threading through billy’s curls, the other curling into the tufts of hair at the base of billy’s neck. it’s a kiss that billy never wants to end. but he knows there’ll be more. so much more.

“i’d say at least now we can get a cheaper apartment, but i think we’ll both still need our space every now and then,” steve says when billy pulls away, staring up a him with big eyes.

“yeah. plus it’s... ” billy trails off, his cheeks flushing bright red.

“it’s what?” steve asks, his brows coming together in confusion. “seriously, what were you going to say?”

“it’s home,” billy says gently, bracing both arms on either side of steve so he can swoop down to capture his lips again whenever he wants to. “home is wherever i’m with you, but- y’know. i like our place. it feels like us.”

“you’re such a fucking sap, oh my god,” steve laughs, but he’s smiling so brightly that billy thinks the whole beach could stay lit up for the rest of the night. “billy hargrove, secretly soft and mushy inside. who would’ve thought.”

“wasn’t, ‘til i met you,” billy tells him honestly.

and it’s true, for a long time billy hardened himself to the world, protecting himself with an armor of indifference until steve came along and melted him to his core. but billy isn’t one to complain, not when it means he gets to go to sleep and wake up to steve’s smile every day now, for the rest of his life. forever, maybe, if steve is up for that.

he wouldn’t have it any other way.

#is this a modern au? does this take place in the 80s? the world may never know #hope this is enjoyable bby!#❤️❤️❤️#harringrove #my fics #ask #gideongrace

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theonetheycallhannah · 4 years ago

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The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter Eight: Heat/Ice

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Summary: Playing hooky leads to more delicious food (Sy cooks! Swoon!), some deep conversation, and new revelations about Shane’s past.

What? You’re behind? Don’t worry! CLICK ME to catch up before reading this chapter!

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Language, mature themes, more food sluttiness, shameless nerd speak, unfettered and shameless sappiness.

Author’s Note: So, guys, I’m sorry. I really wanted to get this chapter to you Sunday. Life has just been a bit disheartening of late. Between being upset over some personal turmoil some friends are going through (two of my oldest friends are getting a divorce!) and coming home from work utterly exhausted on all possible levels, it’s been hard to write about lovey dovey things. As I said in my recent reblog of my masterlist, though, I’m working on some prologues, one for each character. I don’t plan on them being terribly long, but I want you guys to have some more back story.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

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Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

It was hard to feel guilty for calling out of work for the afternoon under false pretenses when she was curled up on the sectional in Sy’s “nerd lair” with his head in her lap as they watched John Wick on the massive TV he had down there.

“You mean to tell me we watched the entire Bourne franchise upstairs on that…that iPod Touch, by comparison, when we could have watched down here on this majestic monolith!? In what is essentially a theater!?” She’d asked immediately, derailing the grand tour of the museum of things she would soon find amazing.

“Hey, I haven’t been coming down here a whole lot since I hurt my knee. Stairs haven't exactly been easy or, ya know, possible. I had my gaming computer down here for weeks, too, couldn't do a damn thing about it, because I didn't trust a'one of my buddies or my neighbors to haul her up the stairs for me. Leia's a custom machine worth thousands a' dollars. If she's getting' broke, it's all gonna be on me."

"You named your gaming computer? Leia?" So many emotions were flooding her. Adoration, sympathy, lust, and just a sheer need to squeeze the bejeezus out of him.

"Yeah, it's a common thing. And…not to be that guy, but…you do know who Leia is, right?

"If by Leia, you mean Leia Organa, Princess of Alderaan, true daughter of Darth Vader, adopted by Bail Organa at birth, sister of Luke Skywalker, hero of the Rebellion against the Empire?"

"Hey, I thought you wanted to take things slow, sunshine." he pulled her close, flush with his body. "Then you go talkin' all sexy to me like that." he lingered at her cheek with light kisses.

"Well, you did the same with your baseball talk the other night." she moaned into the contact with relish.

"I can't help it if certain sports terms have made their way into everyday speech. Your…exposition there, about my boyhood crush was intentional."

"You had a crush on Leia?" he nodded, shyly. "I had a crush on Han! Heck with Cap and Widow, THERE'S our couple's costume for next Halloween!" she said, excitedly!

"Oh, I didn't know you were talking about costumes for public use." he said, a naughty smirk in his eye.

"Stop it, you. Finish your tour. I want that soup on the stove." she said, patting her tummy.

He showed her the various memorabilia he'd procured over the years. Posters from a few of her favorites, and a few others that she recognized but wasn't as excited about. Die Cast models of several famous film vessels and vehicles, and a "life size" LEGO R2-D2 which would have had her salivating even if she hadn't been hungry. Apparently it took him almost a month to assemble the droid, but he did it all by himself.

"Aww…I wish I could have helped." she lamented.

"Maybe I'll pick up the Death Star and we can do that one together."

She nodded excitedly, eyes wide, rubbing her hands together in front of her chin with greed.

"Okay, little mouse." he chuckled. "Let's fill that belly and start this movie."

They filled massive bowls with generous portions and took the crackers down stairs so they could start the marathon. If they wanted to get through all three films tonight, they'd best get started.

They were both fairly quick eaters out of habit given her often truncated lunch breaks and his typical ten minutes in the mess hall. Even savoring the delicious creamy, cheesy concoction, as she tried to do, it was hard to slow down on. It did give her something to focus on during the first, emotionally devastating part of the film though. Once she finished, she expressed a final groan of delight and thanked Sy, kissing him on his cheek as she held the other. She felt the smile bloom across his face as she prolonged the contact.

They were about halfway through the movie, a big fight scene in a night club, when something dark and grim hit Shane in the chest. Watching Keanu Reeves pretend to beat up and kill all of these actors and stunt men, it occurred to her that the man with his head resting gently on her lap, long body taking up the rest of that side of the sectional, had fought and killed. The man letting her play her fingers through his hair and beard had shot and blown up people. He was told to do it. Ordered to do it. But even though he was doing it lawfully and by military order, as far as she knew, it was still his job…at least some of the time. She knew that was an oversimplification of the function of the armed forces, but…sometimes, it was an apt description.

She had never thought of Sy like that before. Someone other than the strong but gentle teddy bear that had come to be such a comforting presence in her life. She needed that, after all she'd been through…she tried not to think about the hurt of her last relationship. She hadn't discussed it with Sy. It was history. Ancient history. But she was, after all, a believer in the fact that those who knew nothing of the past were doomed to repeat it. She'd tell him…one day. Everything that Elliott had done to her…had put her through. But not tonight. Suddenly, she thought being on the arm of a soldier, someone who'd lived the kind of life that Captain Logan Syverson had lived, might make her feel more safe than she had in ages.

"You're awful quiet, sunshine." he said, cracking a beer open and handing it to her before doing the same for himself and sitting down with his thick arm around her.

"Just…trying to be respectful of the movie experience. You know." she smirked at him as the menu music to the second movie played.

"It ain't that. I know this is still new, what we're doin', but I've watched enough movies with ya over the last few weeks to know that you don't keep quiet for a full length feature." Shane worried the tab on her cold Miller Lite. She wasn't sure how to bring this forward. "Spill it, sweetheart. What's eatin' ya?"

"What…what do you think about when you're watching movies like this, Sy?"

"Guess, same as anybody. How awesome the fighting and driving is. Wondering when Keanu got to be a badass. And if there's really an underground society of assassins. Why, hon?"

"I, umm, I only wondered if it…it doesn't make you miss…your job?"

The smile he gave her was both bemused and amused. "Come 'ere." he prompted her to lean her head into him, and sat his beer down on the buffet behind the couch so he could better hold her. "Do we need to go over the function of a captain of the Army of These United States? Because as flattered as I am that you think so highly of me, I'm no John Wick, nor do I know anyone like John Wick. Or five guys that would make one John Wick. Ten guys. Maybe twenty."

"The fighting doesn't bring anything back?" she smoothed the creases in his shorts as she tried not to act like she was over thinking his past.

"That fightin’s…it's like dancing. It's choreographed, precise, and the outcome is predetermined. Real fights are the exact opposite. They're chaos, unpredictable, and the right guys don't always win. Trust me, I've seen a lot of them go south in a big way." they both let a moment of silence pass before Sy broke it. "What’re ya really askin’, Shane?"

She wanted to ask so many things. The questions seemed to clog the ventricles of her brain like leaves in a rain gutter. Bottlenecked traffic.

"I just…couldn't help but think…about things you must have had to do when…when you were active, and I just…if you need to talk about anything, I'm here." She imagined that taking someone's life, no matter how personal or impersonal the act itself seemed on the surface, would create some level of emotional scarring.

“Oh, sweetheart." he kissed the top of her head, making her feel as warm and cozy as the soup had…perhaps more so. "You are important to me for so many reasons. You've shown me how to smile again. Laugh. Real, genuine happiness. No sarcastic shit like I had to use on my men in my squad. But although I'd feel comfortable talkin' to ya 'bout near anything, there's a counselor on the base who's specifically trained to help guys like me. Who've seen what I've seen and been through…similar situations. He makes sure I don't feel like less of a man for what happened to me. You make me feel…like more than a man…something stronger than I thought possible."

She was straining hard to corral the tears within her waterline, but they broke free when he squeezed her tightly to him with both of his massive arms.

"So…that HEP I gave you is working?" she laughed, knowing full well that his home exercise program had no bearing on the strength he meant.

"Come on, Shane." he raised an eyebrow at her, challenging her to see herself the way he saw her. "Them handouts you give me don't mean a hill o' beans in this conversation and you know it. The way you hold yourself, speak to others. There is so much quiet strength in your kindness that comes right out of your beautiful little heart. Some days I'll see you working with kids, if I get in early, and I know they annoy you and freak you out, but you never let that show." He looked into her eyes, misty from emotion, and he wiped away the tears from her cheeks. "I'll never be able to explain it right, the way you inspire me to be a better and stronger man. And my heart just breaks to hear you put yourself down. And don't say you're just kidding, because I know you think you are, but behind every one of those jokes is a truth, at least as you see it." He'd seen her make to argue and knew her tactic before she had attempted it. "Give yourself some credit, Shane."

"I'm too busy blaming myself for the bad stuff to give myself credit for anything good." she sniffed. "You're the first guy I've…I've been involved with that's acted like I was worth anything more than a meal ticket. Someone who was only suitable for enough sex to make it an official relationship just so they could have a place to live, and do whatever quasi-job was a thing. First serious boyfriend was a freelance writer, but he never seemed to be writing. Then there was the guy with the internet start-up…but he could never tell me in a satisfactory way what the company actually did…so that was brief."

He seemed to know she was bracing for something big. Something difficult. He gave her silence and stroked her shoulder in encouragement to continue. She took one of her deepest ever breaths.

"Then came Elliott. Elliott Thomas. My last boyfriend. The worst of them all. Most useless and greatest offender. I ignored all of the signs, of course. He had a YouTube channel and an Instagram that he was trying to gain followers on and become a so-called "influencer." she rolled her eyes. "He had no life skills. He had a bit of an eye for photography and he could find humor in uncommon places, which he thought made him insta-famous and vlog-worthy."

"I hate him already." Sy growled.

"Well, maybe I shouldn't tell you the rest, then." he asked her to go on. "He always seemed to find these ways to cheat on me and lie to me that I couldn't quite prove, but I was just certain of. But I just…I didn't want to believe it. I wanted THAT one to work. Well. I came home one night after work, and he had another girl in our bedroom. I told him he had until the next day when I got home to leave. Things got a little physical, but I can hold my own." she said, proudly, "and I bolted with my purse. I stayed with Heather, our evening secretary, and we hashed it out, and got a little blitzed on moscato, and cried together."

"Wow."

"He was gone the next day. All I heard from my landlord was, 'you shouldn't be hearing from him anytime soon.' so I guess he had his cop buddies send him a message. He blocked me on all social media and I haven't heard a peep from him since. That was five years ago."

"What a scum bag." he stated, obviously.

"Yeah, I haven't been able to really think about a relationship since then…until…" she let the word hang there, knowing they both knew what the end of the sentence was. "Until I met you." Drifting unsaid in the ether of the unspoken.

"It's been a long time for me too. I mean…I haven't quite been a monk, but I haven't…I haven't cared for a girl since…actually, I've never felt this way about anyone."

"I didn't mean to unpack all of that tonight when we're only a third of the way through our marathon. I really wasn't even going to bring it up at all. It's just…been on my mind. Ya know. I once heard a very poignant parable about keeping your mouth shut if you're warm and happy. I was attempting to do that." she chuckled.

"Yeah, but we need to be able to open up to people in this life. Keeping a bottle stopped under pressure ain't no good for the bottle. Or what's inside."

"Such wisdom. You know just what to say to me." she grinned into him.

"Just seen what keeping yourself closed off can do to a person. And the people they love."

Love…there was that word in the air. Not officially said, but felt in all ways. They held each other close as the opening to the second movie played.

Up Next: Chapter Nine-Group Therapy

#netflix sand castle #sand castle #captain syverson #captain syverson fanfic #captain syverson x ofc #sigh for sy

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littlebigafterdark · 4 years ago

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patton's asthma attack and finally agreeing to try therapy

content warnings: hurt/comfort, detailed description of asthma attack, very brief mention of past eating disorder, crying (i always hav that tho)

i copy pasted this from mine and livs discord convo so thats why it might be formatted weird and i swear a lot also if you see "hhh yeah" then thats liv commenting hshshsh

patton has had a cough the past few days because BASICALY since priscilla (remys cat) visited hes been more breathless with his asthma but he didnt tell anyone bc he doesnt want to worry them or make it so vee never get to see priscilla again if she cant visit anymore

so his asthma is acting up but he ignores it - and hes had asthma cough for a couple days (which is a sign of an incoming asthma attack) but again hes ignoring it, hes so used to brushing off symptoms he doesnt click what it means and he diesn ttake his inhaler when he needs it

WAAAHH oh fuck oh my god oh god wait fuck i just realised

the moment patton gets his asthma attack its saturday afternoon, roman is little and playing with logan and vee isnt quite little yet but fae's on faer way there, fae is very giggly and playful and patton says "okay babygirl, lets go get you changed!"

and when he gets up from the couch he takes a moment to cough and just stand still a sec bc he got suddenly dizzy but he pushed through it to not worry vee, and he actually usually lifts her onto his hip straight away, but this time he very subtly is like "okay hold daddys hand while we walk to the stairs"

so they get to the stairs and patton of course lifts vee up, and theyre only a few steps up when pattons breathing gets really heavy. it makes vee frown and look at him and say "daddy am i heavy?"

and patton smiles and shakes his head, because hes too breathless to speak. but he pushes through and hurries up as fast as possible

once theyre at the top of the stairs, patton is wheezing. his chest is rattling and whistling and he suddenly loses his smile and quickly hurries away from the stairs to place vee gently on the hallway floor, and as soon as vee is safe patton wobbily sinks to his knees and leans his head against the wall. his eyes shut tight trying so so hard to breath but its realy whistly now

and vee of course panics. "dady? papa are you okay??" and whimpers when patton doesnt react and clutches at his chest

and it throws her out of her semi regression. she jumps up and hurries downstairs, a little wobbily but ultimately fine. and she speints to where logan and riman are and yells "daddys h havin a panic attack!" and instantly starts crying

logan and roman were in the middle of a game and smiling and laughing but as SOON as they hear that they jump into action. logan runs out of the room to go to patton and roman grows up and runs to vee and lifts her up to shush her cries and calm her down - they dont even share a single look before they do this, they both just instinctively know what to do

and logan of course finds patton and realises its an asthma attack not a panic attack - he goes into his emergency like emotionless mode where he just gets the job done. he asks clearly where patton keeps his inhaler and patton just shakes his head. so logan alarmed asks "you dont have a reliever inhaler??" and patton winces and shakes his head again.

logan sprints to his room into his bedside drawer to find tthe inhaler he keeps for emergencies double checking it hasnt expired

he sits with his legs around patton, patton leaned back agains his torso, and puffs pattons inhaler for him and times the attack and the puffs (knowing that if it isnt better after ten puffs and fifteen minutes they have to call an ambulance) and using his own deep breaths against pats back to help him recalibrate his breathing

luckily it only lasts 8 and a half minutes and 8 puffs - but logan is so so shaken about the fact that that was very close to requiring medical assistance, he had his ohone out ready to dial 911

once pattons attack is over he's finally breathing, short and deep at first gasping in the oxygen, but within a few more minutes of sitting against logan it slows down and is much calmer. hes very shaky because the reliever inhaler does that to you, and weak from the tax on his body, so logan helps him up into their nearest bedroom (pattons)

at first he calls roman to swap places with him and watch over patton hust so logan can change vee into a diaper since she regressed from fear as soon as roman picked her up and obv he cant change her diaper

so roman sits with patton while logan does that and roman is actually really quiet and awkward and nervous, just looking wide eyed at patton and hugging himself.

and patton feels bad abt that and whispers "its okay little prince, daddys not hurt. im sorry for scaring you, honey" and roman just chews his lip and nods and looks down and they dont talk again until logan is back and roman goes out to take care of vee and logan comes in to lie with patton and rub his chest soothingly

logan is distressed and frustrated and shaken at that point but he knows not to have their conversation until the next day bc patton will be emotionally and physically exhausted

but the next day they have a serious talk - logans pretty ANGRY that patton was so ignorant of his wellbeing that he didnt refill his inhaler, patton brushes it off but logan says its a good thing he secretly kept one for patton (bc he almost suspected this might happen)

it rly hits patton when logan tells him if he had needed anymore puffs than he took they wouldve had to phone an ambulance - like patton not wanting to worry his family by admitting his asthma was acting up backfired way more and has made them worry even more because he had a full attack that could have gone so much worse

the whole conversation is VERY stern and serious even at the start when patton smiles and chuckles and jokes and brushes it off logan just gets frustrated and upset. logan is SO angry literally he is glaring at patton when patton brushes it off and makes jokes abt it and he snaps.

logan actually very seriously tells patton this is self harm and patton goes WHAT nonono no its not i dont know why youre getting so worked up

and logan fucking SNAPS like "Youre not giving your body what it needs to survive because you dont think your worth that!! you're neglecting your basic needs to the point of needing urgent medical care, doesnt that sound familiar??? doesnt that sound like something we've both been through before???" clearly referencing his eating disorder

and pattons eyes go wide and he profusely apologises hes like im so sorry oh my gosh logan honey im sorry did i trigger you im sorry and logans just like STOP APOLOGISING this isnt about me its about you!

and he sso angry bc he thought they trusted each other but the fact that patton didnt tell him when he literally couldnt breathe is so scary to logan

but that is basically an argument bc logan was so fucking worried and devastated that patton has ignored his health to such an extent and vee gets nervous bc both her and roman can hear them yelling and she thinks the cgs will breakup bc they "had a fight"

but once theyre finished talking and vee shakily asks if theyre not gonna be a family anymore they'll of course comfort faer and talk abt it, its not a fight its a disagreement and mummys and daddys have those sometimes. theyre still a family and they still love each other very very much. they all soend their family day together as usual, though patton isnt as able to get up and play with roman understandably

also the fact this all comes around the same week patton and logan tell vee that janus wants to babysit, thats why patton has been absent from the blog recently i guess bc hes been keeping busy trying to work through his feelings of janus wanting to come in

hhh yeah... the way it lines up to patton's other insecurities abt janus coming into the family and it all just piles on too much all at once

so on monday morning logan goes with patton to get more inhalers and they actually stay out for while like they go to a forest or smth just to be alone and help patton recenter a little - he's always loved being in nature, it really brings him a lot of peace, being in nature is really the best way to keep patton grounded from his dissociation, thats why hes always gardening

and logan doesnt want to be angry at him and he knows patton needs support and comfort atm even is patton doesnt think he does so they have a calm day just being together and logan trying to remind patton that hes there for him

HHH stop bc they YEAH bc they kinda had a fight even though it did get 'resolved' but they needed to take time to reconnect their energies and like show each other (and specifically logan show patton) that their love is still secure and their friendship is still strong - just the quiet care of logan taking patton somewhere they can just be alone without responsibilities

secretly patton was rlly upset that logan got angry with him but he didnt show it but logan KNOWS him and he knows he needs to fix it with queality time (pats love lang) because pattons been alone a lot recently, its just been that he keeps busy and accidentaly distanced himself bc the others would all be busy and hanging out in some way and he fet a bit abandoned but yeah logan is dedicating the whole day to him

and patton does end up talking abt his inner turmoil a little but not until theyre like in the middle of the forest and hes a lot calmer and theres no one around, he just feels so much calmer and safer in nature to open up like that.

and this is when patton tells logan about his worries about janus becoming closer to vee, and how its lovely for them but what if it hurts vee, what if they dont get along, what if they DO get along and vee wants to move back with janus. Logan doesnt say anything to the worries, he knows patton just needs to blurt them out while he can, while it mixes with the sounds of nature.

then patton mentions quietly that dr picani phoned him a couple weeks ago and told him that he would like to offer patton a trial session of therapy - not with vee, just patton. logan very calmly asks if that sounds like sometnging that might be helpful for patton and patton just giggles nervously "um i dont know. Vee has therapy"

logan frowns. "yes she does. but that doesnt mean you cant have it too, if you would like it"

patton goes quiet and looks anxious, scratching at the moss on the log theyve sat down on. so logan takes his hand and looks very earnestly at him and says gently "i would like you to at least accept the trial session. It is your decision but... i think it might be worth a try"

patton nods a little, just looking at their intertwined fingers. and after a long silence where they can just hear the birds tweeting and the wind rustling the leaves and small animals scurrying along the grass, patton finally looks up at logan and breathes "i'll go to therapy"

and when patton says that out loud suddenly his eyes well up and he sees logan smile at him - a little sad and a lot proud - and feels his hand squeeze and the tears just dont stop coming and he hides his eyes but laughs nervously like haha dont know why im crying this is so silly! but logan doesnt say anything to it, he just pulls patton into his side and rests his head on pattons head...

and patton keeps trying to laugh and joke but its so choked and sad and nervous and wet and logan wraps his other arm around patton too and just grntly whispers "pumpkin, its okay if youre not happy right now."

and patton just starts sobbing into logans shoulder and logan holds him so tight as they sit on the log

patton cant cope with silence when its about him yknow, he couldnt handle logan not laughing or tutting at his jokes so he just kept joking until logan insisted its ok to be sad

so once they get home logan sits with pstton while he phones dr picani and books his first solo therapy session for friday morning

#papa patton #asthma attack tw #do not reblog #little big after dark concepts

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makeyourdeanabi · 4 years ago

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Finale Reaction- 2 months later

In the wee hours after the Supernatural Finale, after tossing and turning in my bed, I got up and wrote this... this was before I was actually active on Tumblr and I never thought I would share this because I was too self conscious. I deleted it shortly after I wrote it because it brought me so much pain to relive it. I have since watched the Finale again and have come to terms with it and I felt it was a good time to share my thoughts. I hope that my words may bring other people comfort who feel the same way. Thanks for reading :)

Alisha

P.S. Sorry so long, I was feeling things and the words just kept coming and coming ___________________________________________

I don’t blog. Never in my life have I sat down to tell the world about my feelings in such a manner. I may contribute on message boards and social media comments, but I never thought anything was worth my time to spill my guts into the ether when I am near certain that not a soul will read them. But here I am. I have to write because if I don’t get these thoughts out of my head, I am going to go full on insane.

That ending was bad. It was a disservice to the 15 years of an incredible show that was not only genre bending it was cultural norms bending.

I could mention the various tropes that this ending (and the previous episodes) invoked, but I am not well versed in them and would never want to do anyone a disservice with a comparison that wasn’t apt.

The buildup up of each character arc and then the glaring lack of conclusion for said character arc was laughable.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement.

I am destroyed.

I am destroyed that the two men who have been with this franchise since day 1 wrote and directed an episode that they thought was the perfect ending. They thought this is what their devoted fandom wanted.

I am destroyed that the lead actors signed off on this script and went so far as to call it their favorite. I realize Jared was the only one calling it his favorite episode. Jensen admitted he had reservations about the episode and needed the wise words of creator Erik Kripke to accept it. I do have to say that taking the word of a man who left the show 10 seasons ago and hasn’t been involved in all the plot lines and inner workings since season 5 is probably not the best idea. I could be mistaken about the extent of Kripke’s involvement, but I am fairly certain that I am right in my assumptions.

Dean spent 15 years (probably more) of his life feeling unloved, unworthy, self-conscious and convinced that his life had but one purpose and that purpose would ultimately be the death of him, and he had made peace with that.

He is given a best friend, potential love interest, who helps him to see that he is more than that, so much more than that. He is selfless, he is caring, he is a lover, not a killer. His friend’s soulmate’s sacrifice is the catalyst for him believing that all these things are true. He even takes the step of admitting out loud that he knows he has changed. He knows that his life is worth living to the fullest and appreciating what he has every day and honoring those they have “lost along the way.”

To then kill him during a routine hunting trip in which the boys are up against a vampire nest they could take down in their sleep. What could possibly have been the purpose for that? To show that once they were no longer God’s little play toys their lives were expendable? WHY?

Dean, arguably the greatest hunter in the SPN universe, was taken out by a fucking rusty piece of rebar, and instead of trying to call for help and get the man to a hospital (not sure it would have helped) he has his final monologue, the one he has been due for the latter half all of Season 15. He died scared, in pain, and sad.

Dean goes to heaven, and its not the heaven we have been told of in the past where you are living in your memories. Its truly life after death and its wonderful. He meets Bobby again and told that various people in Dean’s and Bobby’s life are close by. His parents live down the road. His father, who was never confirmed to be but was most likely an abusive bastard, lives just down the road with his mother. Wonderful. (WTF?) He gets confirmation that Cas is out of the empty and he smiles, nothing more. He sees baby and goes for a drive, not to find Cas and thank him for his ultimate sacrifice, but to just drive. I like this part because we see a happy, content Dean, and we finally get to hear Kansas’s “Carry on Wayward Son” (DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF THE ROAD SO FAR AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE). I just wish Dean’s path to heaven had been a little easier on him.

Dean deserved better.

Castiel, the selfless angel who just wanted to find purpose in his life and ultimately found it in death. He dies never being told that he is loved, after countless times of professing his love to his found family. The angel who sacrificed himself to the Empty, a horrible place of unspeakable torture, to protect the man he loves. A man who, mere days later (in my mind anyway), arrives in heaven after being killed in a gruesome accident, rather than fulfilling his destiny that Cas fought so hard to protect. Some sacrifice. It turns out that Cas is saved by the Empty from Jack, but we don’t get to see his joyful reunion with Dean, the man he loves.

Cas deserved better.

Sam is left to live this life without his brother, and potentially the love of his life because the writers couldn’t be bothered to confirm Eileen’s re-existence after Chuck’s rapture. He has a family, and he grows old (mind you with REALLY bad makeup in a show that is known for their incredible makeup/special effects departments).

He seems to be happy, but you can tell something is missing. We come to see that he raised his son to be a hunter. He raised his son in a life that, at the outset of this show, he was desperate to get out of and live a normal life. Perhaps he no longer believes that anyone can live a normal life knowing what is out there. *EDIT* Looking back I don’t believe he raised his son to be a hunter, just gave him the tattoo in case.

He names his son Dean, because of course he does. He has a wife who we see from a distance and is never given the clarity if it is Eileen or not. He finally dies after what looks like a slow and painful illness and is sent to heaven.

In heaven he meets up with Dean. This was lovely. The two of them meeting again after so long, for Sam, that is. Dean only had to seemingly wait for a few hours.

Sam deserved better.

For a show that had the potential to go out on a historically significant high, this is disappointing, to say the least. The story had the potential to end with 2 brothers who have sacrificed so much and saved so many people, find a happy ending. Not only that but find a happy ending with a deaf partner and a gay angel. If that isn’t breaking barriers and bending norms, I don’t know what is. I really would like to know what prevented this from happening. Be it the CW from restricting them or maybe the absolute lack of originality from the writers, I am curious as to their reasoning. Maybe it was COVID. Maybe because they couldn’t have those two actors physically on set due to protocols, they didn’t want to shortchange them by having them appear otherwise: disembodied voice, phone call (DONT TOUCH ME) or even a flashback… hell STOCK FOOTAGE! I don’t know and I clearly can’t imagine the reason.

I realize that there is nothing that can be done about this episode now and that accepting it and moving on is really the only way forward. But the legacy this show has left, and its lasting impact on me and my life, cannot be ignored. I was looking forward to indulging in past episodes of this show for the rest of my life. It is going to be a long time before I can watch an episode without anger and resentment towards what I know to be their eventual end. That, to me, is unforgiveable.

I don’t expect anyone to actually read this because I do not have any followers. I have never blogged in my entire life and was only recently introduced to the online fandom, but I needed to write this. I needed to share the impact that this episode had on me. I do hope that it does reach those in the fandom that may have similar feelings and are able to use my words to help express how they are feeling. We can move on, and we will move on, but we need to do it together.

I know that there are people who, if they read this, would shake their head in disbelief that I became so emotionally invested in this show that watching a bad ending would take such a toll on my mental health.

To them I say, imagine this… The Pittsburgh Steelers (my favorite team, they can imagine their own) have an incredible season. A season where they saw a myriad of highs and lows. Veteran players making incredible comebacks, rookie players coming in to their own. Season ending injuries that lead to the next man stepping up and contributing in ways they weren’t sure possible. Now imagine they make it to the Superbowl and after 3 tough quarters, in which they played their best, getting better with each quarter, they lose it in the final minutes. All that blood, sweat, and tears for nothing. Now imagine that was their last season and the Pittsburgh Steelers are no longer an NFL team. They are done. No “we’ll get ‘em next season.” No “it’s just a game and there is always another one”. Just done. Their entire franchise, for a brief moment in time, reduced to those final minutes where they failed to win. Devastating. Of course, in the long run that is not what they will be remembered for. I mean, after all, they have won 6 Lombardi trophies, and no one is taking that away from them. But the sting will remain for a while. *EDIT* This was as close to prophecy as I will ever get, the Steelers did all of the above until the playoffs, but THANK GOD, there will be another season.

If I can’t make you understand with a sports metaphor than I will never make you understand.

I love this show and this loss is devastating. I do hope that it is remembered for more than their last-minute loss. I hope it is remembered for the joy and acceptance that their fandom felt with each episode, for the laugher on set and the gag reels. I hope it is remembered for the individual players who gave it their all. I know it will be, but for me personally, this sting is going to last for a while.

#Supernatural #spn #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #eileen leahy #series finale #season 15 episode 20 #damn you dabb #damn you singer #destiel #supernatural

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spneveryseason · 4 years ago

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Okaaayy thank u!! I’ve been wanting to talk about this with someone 😁 I’ll tell you my opinions, please let me know if you think I’m too off or w/e. Sorry this is so long!

First, about Amelia and the "gap year": I thought Sam’s reaction to s7 finale was just bad writing, but now I think it’s interesting that he flipped out and drove until he ran over a dog and had an emotional breakdown over it. I’m sure Sam is no stranger to roadkill, so his reaction kinda struck me... But I really like the theme of Ame and Sam licking each other’s wounds, and Riot the dog being a symbol of that attempt at taking responsibility for a stray after you run them over emotionally, but... the thing is… the thing that ran Ame and Sam over were not each other; but the sudden loss of their companions…

I also like/think it’s very sad that Sam is so sober and honest about that relationship; he meets Don and he immediately accepts things are over, like deep down he always knew it was temporary. The first time Sam ran from his family he planned it, ended up in a trailer with Bones and some pizza, second time he planned it, went to Stanford on full scholarship; this time he just got the car and drove and didn’t try very hard… I was a little shocked that the writers apparently forgot about Riot the dog, we have no idea what happened to that Good Boy so far, but I also think that’s so symbolic of what Sam went through. None of it was real. S7 finale was not a reset and not an ending, there was no closure at all, Sam was never going to live in a house with a partner and a dog, and it just seems like he knew it. That’s why I also really liked/was devastated by that scene where he sleeps with Amelia again and she’s like “talk to me” and he’s just brooding n says “do you want me to say it was great? A mistake?”, bc he’s already Gone. He knows he’s either gonna hit the road or go back to Dean, but actually cutting ties and building a life with Amelia is impossible. Riot disappears lmao! I HC that Ame gave him away too tbh. I love that her father calls Sam a Fixer Upper, implying he’s trying to fix Ame up, and then a couple hours later he’s like, Amelia he’s a mess!!

Second: This is a Sam blog, but some thoughts on Dean: I’m thinking about how hard he runs away from having to apologize for anything he does ever; he blames Sam and throws a lot of crap on him for going blip while he was in Purgatory, and Sam just takes it? When they make up Dean says, “okay, I understand now that you weren’t just partying, I understand Amelia meant something to you” and it’s like dgvbhdsnjsd Dean that’s not the issue… Sam had a clean breakup and closure with Amelia, he’s not mourning the relationship he had with her, he’s mourning YOUR relationship with his falling 2 pieces because you keep lying and guilt-tripping and manipulating him… But IMO Dean knows, that’s why he “breaks up” with Benny. I think deep down it’s just an emotionally comfortable space to keep the relationship in terms of “I invalidate you so you strive harder for me and then I validate you as a reward” - I don’t mean this in a malicious way, Dean has as many self-worth issues as Sam has, which I think is why he’s desperate to call the shots on who’s family, who’s ok to mourn(, who rides SHOTGUN IN THE IMPALA lmao that episode with the looney tunes was so much)… Like, I think so far this has been the most 100% resigned I’ve ever seen Sam act towards being the Winchester he’s supposed to be (which is also why that episode with Henry Winchester screaming LEGACY at them tickled me a little, but in a bad way), and Dean keeps acting SUPER offended nonetheless... IMO it’s consistent with Dean feeling more in control when he can dangle the carrot stick of validating Sam in front of him… Because he’s really that desperate. I don’t think he seriously ever considered leaving Sam behind either. Even when he’s possessed by the angry specter, he’s more concerned about calling Sam out. He doesn’t say “I’m angry because I have to stick with you”, he says “I’m angry because you let me down” (as he perceives it)

IMO, that gets dealt with in the first trial episode when Dean is like “aaah my dream is me dying so you get the american dream life” was heartwarming, but also a little 😬😬 bc it really drove home to me that Dean knows his validation matters. Sam is a 30yo 6.4ft man and Dean gives him his blessing to be a Normie and not die heroically with him. But Sam NEVER asked Dean to sacrifice himself, this is a pattern that keeps repeating since early seasons. Sam wants a brother, not a sacrifice. Sam doesn’t (usually) want to be either at Dean’s pedestal or in Dean’s trashcan lmao. Dean has a hard time grasping that, I think because he doesn't want to grasp it, cause then he loses emotional leverage (and also he grew up living like that with John, I think). But that’s why the ending of that episode was soooo great when Sam is like “I see a light at the end of the tunnel, please let me show you!” Sounds like he really wants Dean BY HIS SIDE, on the same level.

I know some spoilers, like the trials are fake and heaven gets Wrecked at the end, but I’m still curious to see how this will develop! And I think rewatching 15.20* after this will be interesting, too, because I thiiink it’s a mirror of this situation (Dean sacrifices himself so Sam can have a life) but instead of dictating to Sam what’s going to happen, he asks SAM to validate him, to tell him it’s okay. Ooohh my god I hate those brothers 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 Stupid Winchestersss 😭😭

* though this definitely convinced me I have to watch all the seasons I skipped, so it will take a while to get there hahaha sob

#s8 anon #submitted to me #submission

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dandannoodl3s · 4 years ago

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So as some of you may know, I have been itching to write a Keenler Fic but this actually turned out to include many of the Blacklist characters and this is partly because I just finished the Blacklist a few weeks ago and I am just not ready to let it go yet (if you know what I mean). One of the most heartbreaking episodes of the entire series was Ian Garvey (5.08) I was an emotional wreck not just because of how much Liz had already suffered but because I was finally in the process of forgiving Tom and slightly (?) even respecting him for helping Liz trying to get to the truth.

The violence surrounding the attack on them and their hospitalization and Tom’s death really made me feel some type of way. And while they showed Liz’s recovery in the next episode, I couldn’t help but imagine what it must have been like for the Team to have experienced almost losing a friend. More specifically I wanted this Fic to capture both Red and Ressler’s emotional state in the 10 months that Liz was in a coma. We also don’t get to see a lot of Agnes in this time frame and I thought it would be interesting to kind of imagine what she made of this situation of her parents. So I’ll post a few chapters (depending on how long this maybe) I hope you like this one too and I want to thank everyone for giving my previous (and first ever fiction) so much love and appreciation. ENJOY! Xx Gif credits to @spooniewithtn

Chapter 1

The hospital lights were shining bright, too bright compared to what he was feeling emotionally. The entire Task Force minus Liz had been at the Post Office piecing together the horrific crime scene that Liz and Ressler had been at earlier during the day. When Liz slipped out of the crime scene, Ressler couldn’t help but blame himself for what had later transpired. He knew she was in an emotional and vulnerable state and that she may make an emotionally clouded judgement in an attempt to find Tom but he was too consumed with the goriness of the crime scene and ensuring the CSI’s captured everything that he didn’t notice when she left. He should have been with her.

Suddenly the hospital door of the ER burst open and the medics were frantically calling for medical attention. It was Tom. His body was battered beyond anything he could have imagined. His head was oozing blood; he had what looked like multiple stab wounds in his stomach and on his leg. His face had been beaten several times evident by the massive amounts of bleeding. He clearly didn’t back down without a fight. Following him another gurney rolled in; it was Liz. She was completely unconscious. Blood flowing from her nose and a head wound so deep that the entire pillow under her was covered in blood, lots of blood. Ressler had only truly been scared a handful of times in his life and this was easily in his top two. His mind was unable to process the gravity of the situation; the thought of losing Liz again was too much for him to bear.

He was so caught up in his emotions that he didn’t realise that Samar and Aram were standing next to him. When he looked to see them, he saw on their faces the exact emotions running within him. Samar was silently crying while Aram gently held her hand. Suddenly there was rapid beeping sound. The nurse who was trying to stabilize Tom had let out the alarm for a “Code Blue” which only meant one thing: they were losing Tom. The three of them saw from the window of Tom’s hospital room his body rising and falling as they tried to resuscitate Tom

“Charge paddles to 200”

“Clear”

Nothing

“Charge paddles to 250”

“Clear”

There was no heartbeat. The monitor flatlined as Tom’s lifeless body lay there.

This couldn’t be happening. Ressler may not have liked Tom, but he couldn’t deny the fact that Liz was happy with him. They had worked their way back to each other and while Ressler wasn’t entirely pleased with it, it was Liz’s decision and he respected it. But all he could think at that moment was how his partner would react when she woke up. If she woke up. She would be devastated. Liz was still in surgery as the rest of the team sat in the hospital lounge. Cooper had been busy securing the hospital floor they were on and all the entrance and exits points of the hospital. Not that it mattered but in that moment I guess it gave him a small sense of control.

After what seemed like an eternity, a doctor emerged, his facial expression giving nothing out about how the surgery had transpired. If this guy was into poker, he sure as hell had a difficult tell.

“Uh good evening, you must be the patient’s friends and family?”

“Yes... we are her colleagues and family” said a voice from behind the doctor. It was Cooper.

“Well there’s good news and bad news, but I’m afraid the good news is more like a consolation, I’m afraid”

“Wait what are you trying to say Doctor?” It was Aram who spoke.

“ The patient suffered a massive head injury and lost a significant amount of blood. Coupled with that is the fact that her brain went into massive distress which caused it to swell up midway through surgery. She’s alive, but barely. We’ve had to induce her into a medical coma to help her breath and fight another day but I’m afraid medically speaking, there’s nothing else we can do. We can make her comfortable for as long as possible but only time can tell whether and if she’ll regain consciousness, so I suggest you inform the next of kin and make whatever necessary arrangements because the recovery rate in such cases is very slim. I’m very sorry”

It’s as if the world shifted from under his feet. The next of kin was a three year old girl who not only just lost her father but whose mother was now in a coma. How were they supposed to explain that to baby Agnes?

Without saying another word, Ressler made his way out of the hospital and before he knew it, he was in his car, crying for the first time in a long time, letting out the pent up sadness, anger and disbelief at the whole situation. He was not the vengeful types but in this moment he wanted nothing more than to kill the bastards that did this to her. He had to, not only because he cared deeply about Liz but because he was Agnes’s godfather and had a responsibility to ensure that whoever did this got what they deserved.

And with that he drove into the night, his mind made up that for however long it took, he would find out who was responsible for this and why.

Chapter one is finisheddd what do you think ???

#keenler #the blacklist #donald ressler #elizabeth keen #ressler x liz #fan fiction #raymond reddington

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ranma-rewatch · 4 years ago

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Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Good morning, good evening, and goodnight everybody. Today I’ll be covering the ninth episode of Ranma 1/2, which is also the third episode in Ryoga Hibiki’s introductory arc. I don’t really know what to expect from this one, most of my memories of this arc are from the front half, but I’m interested to see where it went next. Oh, and with this episode I’ll be halfway through the first season! So that’s neat. Well, next paragraph I’ll have rewatched the episodes, so I’ll see you then.

That was a pretty interesting experience. It really feels like this episode was adapting two different chapters, each with a radically different tone, and together they kind of add up into a good summating of the Ranma 1/2 experience, only missing the acting scenes and love dodecahedron elements to tie it all together.

As you might have expected, this episode begins right where the last one left off, just as one of Ryoga’s weapons chopped off a chunk of Akane’s long hair. At first, she doesn’t react at all, leaving Ranma to feel really bad about it, talking with one of the school girls there about how getting a bad haircut out of nowhere like that would feel terrible for any young woman. This is also when the students realize they don’t know who this red-headed ‘girl’ is, but Ranma tries to change the subject.

Ryoga steps up, not to continue the fight with Ranma, but to point out that at least Akane wasn’t actually injured. Still, Ranma brings up that it still hurts Akane emotionally. They both ask Akane to punch them, to let out any anger she might be feeling. She ends up doing just that before walking away, and it looked to be some damn good punches too. That doesn’t seem to be enough though, as she also shatters a metal telephone pole on her walk home, and in the process realizes she twisted her ankle earlier. Her first instinct is to go and see Dr. Tofu, but she doesn’t want him to see her like this.

Instead, we cut to Akane in her room, remembering why she grew her hair out in the first place. We flash back to Akane as a young kid, fresh from a fight at school, going to see Dr. Tofu. Back then, she had short hair, and it’s clear even then she was fond of the doctor. But the high school age Kasumi shows up, turning Tofu’s brains to mush, and causing him to refer to Akane as a ‘he’. As they walk home together, Kasumi tells her little sister that if she tried to dress less like a boy, maybe people wouldn’t mistake her for one. This leads Akane to think that maybe if she grows her hair as long as Kasumi’s, maybe Dr. Tofu would like her the same way he likes Kasumi.

Coming out of that flashback, Ranma is at Akane’s window, but she doesn’t want to talk to him. Instead, she goes to see Kasumi, who is shocked by what’s happened to her hair. Instead of telling her the truth, Akane just says she messed up cutting it herself, and asks for Kasumi’s assistance in making it even. There’s a brief cutaway of Ryoga trying to head to the Tendo household to fight Ranma, only to be waylaid by an old lady asking for his help.

Sometime later, Ranma is back in his uncursed form, and he learns from Kasumi that Akane is going to Dr. Tofu’s. It’s then that he, and the audience, see Akane with short hair for the first time. Ranma apologizes as hard as he can, but tells him that she’s over it, and that him being nice to her feels weird.

At the clinic, Dr. Tofu is surprised by her short hair as well, but tells her it’s cute, and suits her a lot better than long hair did. As he’s tending to her injury, she starts crying, which turns into sobbing into the doctor’s shoulder as he offers comfort. Afterwards, Akane is heading back home with Ranma, apparently feeling better after crying, and he points out that she got what she wanted: Dr. Tofu said she was cute, right? But Akane says she’s over all of that now.

For reasons that are clearly mysterious and not due to jealousy about some other guy telling Akane her hair was cute first, Ranma makes it clear he likes her shorter hair as well. When she reacts with confusion, wondering if he’s okay if he’s complimenting her like that, Ranma starts to backpedal, before instead doubling down, really telling her it’s cute. She smiles at that, and thanks Ranma even if she might still suspect he doesn’t really mean it. To which, we can hear Ranma’s thoughts, as he is amazed to realize she does genuinely look cute. But while he’s distracted, Akane tips him over into the water.

That’s the end of that part of the story. Next part begins with Ryoga finally reaching the Tendo estate, a week after the previous events happened, in the night, in the rain, using an umbrella to protect himself. When he gets inside the house, he finds Ranma asleep, and tries to wake him up so they can properly fight. Ranma dodges attempts by Ryoga to hit him awake, and when Ryoga tries using shouting to get him up, all he succeeds in doing is instead waking up Ranma’s father in his cursed form, who knocks Ryoga and Ranma outside in annoyance, where the rain triggers Ranma’s curse, and Ryoga is still able to use his umbrella to keep himself dry.

As they prepare to fight, Ryoga finally decides to give Ranma a clue as to why he’s so freaking angry at him: after Ranma missed their duel, Ryoga followed him and his father to China. Ranma quickly puts two and two together, asking Ryoga if he too went to Jusenkyo, if he also has a curse. Meanwhile, Akane and her sisters wake up from the noise, and they assume there’s a prowler around. The other two hide behind Akane, and she throws a dumbbell at who she thinks is an intruder, nailing Ryoga hard enough to make him drop his umbrella. This finally activates his curse, but he scampers before anyone can see what it does to him. All Ranma can find afterwards are his clothes...and a mangy dog not far away.

Back with Akane, she finds an adorable black piglet in her room wearing a yellow and black bandanna that’s soaking wet with cold rain, and takes it downstairs to take care of it. Ranma has assumed the dog he found is Ryoga, but doesn’t want Akane to know that, trying to protect Ryoga’s secret. However, Akane quickly realizes that it’s one of their neighbor’s dogs, and Ranma confirms with hot water that it isn’t Ryoga. Then, as he goes off for a hot bath, Akane passes him the pig, since the animal needs a bath too. Ranma does it, even if he doesn’t like it, but as he finally pushes the resisting animal into the water, Ryoga emerges. Cliffhanger! Again!

Alright, like I said before, this episode is functionally two separate stories glued together, so let’s handle one and then the other. First thing I noted about this episode was that there’s a quick shot of Nabiki looking concerned for Akane after her hair accident. I only point it out because she’s known in the fandom for being fairly ruthless and sociopathic, and this is a moment that kind of goes against that. Nabiki obviously loves money, and can be quite selfish, but she does have some empathy for her baby sister.

I can’t remember if this is exactly the first time in the series thus far attention has been called to Ranma’s curse kind of giving him a weird secret identity issue with his schoolmates in general, but it is at least the first time it’s been given as much focus as it was at the start of this episode.

This is also where Ryoga starts getting some more shades to his character. From what we’ve seen of him thus far, it wouldn’t be unexpected if he’d just kept trying to fight Ranma, but even without knowing Akane at all, he still accepted the fight was at least paused, and once it was made clear to him how devastating this was to her, he offered to be punched if it would help. I also think the way he phrases that offer gives some insight into him: he talks about how letting the anger out by hitting him would make her feel better. Is that what his vendetta with Ranma is, a way to unleash all the anger roiling inside of him?

There is a neat bit of imagery around there too, how for a second Akane’s facial expression makes you think she won’t hit them, then we see construction equipment in motion that feels like it symbolizes violence, then we cut to her just walking away. It isn’t until we see their swollen faces that we know she did follow through on their offer.

Aside from those sorts of details, I just really like the mood of this entire first half. There are very few attempts at jokes, instead just focusing on Akane’s mental state. I feel like, while her situation is pretty strange and specific, it’s easy to relate to. I think we’ve all, at some time or another, been hurt by someone else without them realizing it, over something that only mattered to you so much because of some odd, ineffable thing that just you understand.

Throughout the segment, Akane waffles between shock, anger, trying to make the best of it, sobbing, and moving on with her life. I particularly enjoy the bounceback of her trying to take control, getting that haircut with Kasumi, getting compliments for it...only for it to stab into an emotional vulnerability, causing her to break down with the doctor. That all really worked for me.

The same is true for Ranma’s reaction. I don’t know if we’ve ever seen him this hung up on hurting someone else before. He’s clearly bothering her at some points by not leaving her alone like she clearly wants him to do, but he gives a genuine apology, which is clearly really something from him, and his compliment at the end was so cute. It was adorable shippy nonsense, and I adored it. This segment of the larger episode also had a lot more to do with our previous arc, about Akane and Dr. Tofu, than the Ryoga plot, effectively serving as the capstone to that tale.

I feel there was nearly as much to like in the second half. This part was definitely more jokey, with lots of Ryoga being bad at directions, silly background music (which I honestly can’t stand, it’s just a weird personal thing for me), and wacky hijinks with Ryoga as a pig.

But there was still meat to be found with the funnies. Once again, they took the time to establish Ryoga a little better with how he acted towards Ranma. For someone always shouting about how he wants Ranma to die and go to tell, whose vengeance drives him, he had a perfect opportunity to just kill him in his sleep. But it didn’t look like he even considered that. Instead, he just kept trying to wake Ranma up so they could fight. You could argue Ryoga is too dumb to have thought of that, which feels like the kind of thing Ranma would say, but I’d counter that maybe it’s a sign that Ryoga is more about talking about killing than actually doing it. In a kind of equal and opposite event, I liked how Ranma was just immediately all about helping Ryoga once he learned about the curse, trying to assist the dog he thought was Ryoga while keeping it a secret from Akane.

This is also when we finally learn why Ryoga is so angry at Ranma, or at least begin to get the larger picture. It wasn’t just bread, or a missed duel, but that Ryoga kept on Ranma after that, leading to him being cursed to become an adorable little piglet when exposed to cold water. He definitely manages the curse well thanks to his umbrella (I don’t know why Ranma never thinks to try just covering his head), and the care he’s taken to use it to avoid getting wet in the last episode and in this one was some foreshadowing as to what his deal was.

On the whole, this part of the episode was more like set-up for the next one, but it wasn’t bad at all. Together, the two pieces actually meshed together pretty well, at least to me. I got my emotional feels, I got my shippy moments, and I got my boi Ryoga. What else could I want?

Like I said last week, there are other characters I could be doing spotlights for who’ve already been introduced, but they haven’t really done enough yet to be worth covering, at least in my opinion. Thus, we’re going back to Akane.

Since the second episode, we’ve gotten a lot more of who she is, especially between this arc and the one before it. They’ve kind of toned down the whole ‘hates boys’ aspect of her character, and instead refocused on her feelings towards Dr. Tofu, towards Ranma, and towards herself.

I think it’s clear, even to Akane herself, that her crush on the doctor is childish. She likes him because he’s an adult who’s always treated her seriously, appreciated her for who she is, and given her his time. At least in my experience, a lot of people have had some kind of affection similar to hers, towards someone older than us when we were too young to do anything about it. Even as we get older, and we know there will never be anything with that person, we still have a hard time letting go of it.

With Ranma, I think a firm pattern is developing. Aside from occasional moments when she takes her frustrations out on Ranma, Akane is generally becoming more fond of him. Between this episode and episode 6, one could argue she’s starting to actually like him. The problem is that Ranma is kind of a jerk. He regularly does stuff to make her upset, at which point he either makes it worse or starts acting nice. She clearly appreciates when Ranma is trying to help her and cheer her up, but it doesn’t stop the fact that his default setting is ‘abrasive’.

Most importantly with the first half of this episode, we’ve gotten a good look at how Akane sees herself. It’s pretty obvious that the long hair/short hair issue isn’t just about how long her locks are. The issue represents her struggle between being herself, a tomboy who enjoys fighting and martial arts and being more free-spirited, versus being who other people want her to be, more traditionally feminine. It’s honestly kind of weird in the first half of this season, watching her with the long hair. Short haired Akane is cuter, I think it’s hard to deny that, but it’s also her being happier with who she is, and that’s the cutest thing in the world. I’m still not 100% happy with how they handle her violence towards other people, but I talked about that last time, and it doesn't feel like that’s something the show will ever really address.

If it wasn’t clear before, I quite enjoyed this episode. The only particularly weak parts for me were with Ryoga escorting the old lady around, but they were short and didn’t do too much to mess up the pacing. I won’t lie, I’d say this is actually the second best episode so far, only falling behind episode 7. That makes the current rankings:

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’

Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 8: School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Next time, we’ll have into the back half of the season and the last episode of this storyline with episode 10, “P-P-P-Chan! He's Good For Nothin'”. See you all then!

#episode 9 #True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!#ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #akane tendo #ryoga hibiki #anime analysis #anime rewatch

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