#But you never let your emotions win
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The thing is, if we fell in love we could actually get married, we would work, we'd be miserable after a while but I can see it happen and I know you did too from the beginning. We are both the type to never marry but apart from the small differences that would make us miserable later on, we could still happily get married and I hate that I can't see that happen ever with anyone else.
Too bad our timings never matched.
#I would happily marry#I would want it#I hate that#I really like you#And i thought you did too#Too bad you probably never did#Or you have#But you never let your emotions win#And our timings never met
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DAY 71: shy
#codacheetah#isat#loop isat#isabeau isat#isat spoilers#i'll never get over loop being described as 'shy'. what a wonderful image#top one casual remarks from isabeau that cleaves loop's facade#like loop's personality is just a targeted missile to piss siffrin off. they're not at all confident and snarky#they're doing like the physical manifestation of winning an argument against yourself in the shower#second they see the party though Oopsies we're in scary territory. That's your family and they dont know it's you Oops#ok anyways ever since i saw that post i was like damn. this is just how i view loop in party postcanon#for as much as I think they SHOULD go explore around and be their own person for a while i think realistically they would not do that.#theyre going to go be a weird freak hovering around the party and refusing to socialize with anyone but siffrin and theyre gonna feel awful#(read: they're going to antagonize siffrin and it fails tremendously bc now The Rumor Come Out and siffrin knows what loop is doing.)#like loop as much as they can barely stand to even look at isabeau (for instance) i think their claws are sunk far too deep in.#onehats maybe the circumstances are different because there is a gap in understanding. there's no point forcing siffrin to confront the#obvious conclusion that loop is them (and thus siffrin's happy ending nails loop's coffin)#(THIS IS IGNORING TWOHATS PREREQS GOTTEN ONEHATS. BC THATS ITS OWN CAN OF WORMS)#but twohats. idk. for as much as it lets loop release some of their rage and process their feelings a bit. i think it might also be the pus#that makes loop consider their own existence as a person a bit more. theyre not a sponsor->corpse theyre just loop#theyre just somebody who wants desperately. they want to stay with them#theyre still siffrin. if also loop.#i think loop would force themself to reconnect with the party in the same vein as siffrin forcing himself to communicate more.#but of course having conviction and living an experience are not the same thing. so siffrin's going to flounder the emotional honesty thing#tremendously and loop's going to be. blair witching it in the corner.#hey i might have forgotten which post i was writing the tags under. oopsies#idk if these tags are comprehensible at all. i just really want to see loop fail upwards into friendship with everyone
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#dbtag#silly hours#god#I feel like that's a really clear and consistent thing throughout the entirety of the manga but OTL leave it to Toei!!!!#lays on the floor I wish people were less afraid of letting “good guys” be flawed and selfish and reckless without having to like.#idk vilify them?#like Goku does and always has had a ton of negative qualities about him but what keeps him a protag and what keeps those negatives charming#is that 1) he never promises to be anything Else. If you're upset by his behavior that's a you problem Goku's just doing Goku#He's only upset when Other People get hurt because 2) almost none of those negative qualities contain any malice whatsoever#even as a kid when he was 'i killed that guy' it was like 'i solved a problem why are you mad (gen)' not 'good fucking riddance lol'#and he kept that as an adult too even when he learned more about compassion he's still 'well if you're not gonna stop i have to kill you'#it's never 'fuck off and die' it's always 'listen buddy either you knock it off or i knock you out there is no option c '#and god i love that Goku. I spent so long thinking I hated Goku growing up but I only hated Toei's Goku. Toriyama's Goku is GREAT.#like look if an antagonist is just a hero with the wrong perspective a hero is just a villain with the right one#and the fact that Goku has all of the qualities of a villain with none of the malice or intention makes him SO POWERFUL as a character#Goku doesn't like bystanders getting hurt. That doesn't make him less chaotic and self-centered and simplistic in his worldview.#A hero sacrifices his loved ones to save the world -- a villain sacrifices the world to save his loved ones --#Goku sacrifices himself because you cannot kill him in any way that matters#idskahds anyway here's another essay in the tags for your wednesday evening scroll#the justification the interviewer gave was that the anime was for kids but my beef with that is that Hero Tropes strip chaotic characters#of their emotions. Goku's conflicts are emotional. Goku's power is emotional. Goku's childlikeness keep him authentically emotional.#MORE kids -- ESPECIALLY little boys -- deserve a male protagonist who leans into his emotions to persevere and win.#Super deciding his “angelic state” would kill him makes me want to tear my hair out lmao Goku's EMOTIONS are too strong to hold it.#you could've just asked toriyama about it why'd you decide on the most basic high-stakes shorthand possible OTL#aNYWAY#media analysis#in the tags at least lol
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I don’t think it makes sense to assume that Jason was mocking Mia’s past. At all. The thing that got jason painted as violent back in the 80s was his anger against rapists…how does that turn into mocking a victim? and that entire story was written by winick. Do we honestly think winick intended to communicate that? The same writer who made Jason’s first kill a man who was trafficking children? Who had Jason pause in his mission of madness to make sure those kids were found by the right people so they wouldn’t be in further danger?
#let’s knock on our skulls and kick our brains back into gear okay?#you can maintain that it wasn’t well executed or that the role mia played here bothers you#but you can’t say jason was mocking her for that or even seriously trying to hurt her physically#he was bsing like 90% of the story with his constant ‘we should all kill anyone who inconveniences us! speedy and GA should try to kill me#if they want to win’ like we understand that yes?#but that last part of his convo with Mia was the one serious part#he was wrong! of course he was wrong about ollie. but this was also Jason’s first time meeting ollie#it was ridiculous and unnecessary on his end and it put mia thru the emotional wringer for nothing#but that wasn’t the Intention. it was a stupid thing done by someone who never expected anything to come of it but still said what *to him*#was a way of offering advice#and as for the ppl who go ‘stop reaching abt jason being a victim and just read Mia instead’#a) there’s more to Mia’s character than her past. anyone who thinks that fits Jason’s past wouldn’t necessarily like mia bc they’re not the#same character#it’s the same way that if jason was confirmed to have been a victim of SA as a kid then all of Mia’s fans wouldn’t love him like they love#her? this is common sense. anyways stop being assholes online and just recommend characters too ppl nicely#b) more than one character can have experienced a similar form of abuse. also common sense#c) it’s not an unreasonable hc#d) it doesn’t hurt you personally. none of this killed your grandma#once again: hate whoever you like but choosing the interpretation that doesn’t make sense just to make up a#‘valid’ reason is serious loser behaviour
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Ep 10!
#Idk it was. An episode. Not many thoughts tbh ajhdblabfdl#The Kyouka / Akutagawa scene is my favourite ever. But I suppose there's little to say about them I haven't said already lol.#The “Because I knew a man who had the same eyes as yours” will never stop being endlessly impactful.#And I still find it very remarkable how Kyouka is pretty much literally the only person other than Dazai that Akutagawa respects.#It hits me so hard.#Nothing else to add? I think the storywriting in this arc is very good. The plot twists are very well executed.#I remember when I was reading the manga and Ranpo challenged Chuuya face off I was so hooked!!#I was like‚ how is he going to win!!! It's very nice.#I think it's interesting that Atsushi stayed behind with Kunikida instead of facing the pm with the rest of the pm.#I wish we'd explored his decision and state of mind more‚ especially since he was portrayed as being visibly conflicted.#I think part of it simply solves a storytelling purpose of not leaving Kunikida alone...#But I don't think that necessarily means the decision doesn't suit him. Atsushi really looks up to Fukuzawa.#His trauma probably makes him more reluctant to break orders than‚ let's say‚ Ranpo.#And he's always been very spokenly against violence.#Idk. I just think it's interesting.#The line “Kunikida‚ you're the strongest and most virtuous of us in the Agency. That's why the enemy tried to break you first.”#is very emotional#The animation is so strained it makes me feel bad for the animators. So many static frames lingering for so long...#I feel like the result isn't necessarily terrible either. The drawings are not ugly‚ just very undetailed.#But it really feels like there was a group of people doing the best they could with the llittle they had...#random rambles#And I'm now all caught up with the rewatch!!!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 See you on Wednesday!!!!!
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If a not-vote for Harris is a vote for Trump then maybe I should just select Trump on my ballot. Since they're the same thing and all.
#that's how math works right guys?#i love that not voting for harris means voting for trump#but not voting for trump does not mean a vote for harris#like explain how that works out#im sorry for the snark im just SO ANNOYED by the rhetoric people throw around#i am an undecided voter and you guys are NOT good at winning people over. im sorry. i know you have righteousness on your side or whatever.#i get that emotions are running high.#but talking about undecided voters and third party voters like they're your enemy does not make them want to be your ally#even if i was decided y'all would never know. i refuse to let anyone think my vote is guaranteed. keep 'em on their toes
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playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there
#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think#nyarla dni#(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only)#listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is#his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b#wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha#she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives#in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh#GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK.#it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT.#and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters#anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed#he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him#hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry#dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired)#anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed#(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he#insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex#half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he#needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw#her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh#was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY#look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean.#but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i#you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never#let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH#and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her#and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM#look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it#was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave
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Start planning 2025
Make a list of all the emotions you want to feel at the end of 2025.
Now work backwards and write down all the tasks you need to do in order to feel that way.
Make a separate list of all the “gaps” - what do you currently not have in order to do those tasks to make you feel the way you want?
And lastly, write down how you can fill those gaps. Do you need a gym membership to become fit to feel good about your yourself? Do you need to learn how to cook better meals in order to feel healthy and energised? Do you need to start applying to jobs, in order to secure one, in order to feel financially safe? Do you need to buy an old school alarm clock that’s going to wake up your entire apartment building in order to wake up early? what do you need to DO?
also, make a list of all the things that worked out for you in 2024. Learn to celebrate and appreciate, even the smallest of wins.
For the next two months start the trial and error process of this program. Let’s say you decide that you want to work out 7 days a week in order to feel good about your body. Now halfway through November you realise that 7 days is probably too much, and 5 days would be better for your schedule. Or you decide to read 3 books a week, but realistically, maybe a chapter a day is better.
November and December are your trial months. By the time January starts, be ready with a program that is built for you, works for you, and can be completed by you.
Don’t forget about keeping a reward mechanism. If you complete your daily tasks for 1 month straight, buy that little purse you were eyeing, or take yourself to a spa. Reward yourself in ways you like so that :
a) you’re not in an endless cycle of never being satisfied
b) you don’t drop everything for a man or a friend who shows you the slightest bit of affection because you won’t show it to yourself
c) it encourages you to work harder for yourself.
#c suite#ceo aesthetic#powerful woman#strong women#personal growth#balance#getting your life together#productivity#that girl
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My sister wanted to watch dance moms last night like… as if it’s a comedy… and my god is it not at all funny or enjoyable to watch. Crazy to me that it was even aired as entertainment at all considering how fuckin abusive the adults are to the children involved
#like hahaha these parents are so fuckin neglectful of their child’s emotions and is making their self esteem come entirely from winning#being skinny and attractive#the amount of ‘man up’ ‘tough love’ ‘stop crying’ ‘you have to put dance first’ etc. was insane#and hearing the moms say they were dancers from a young age or their kid ‘wants nothing but to win’ or ‘she’s a perfectionist’ or some shit#when you can tell it’s 100% the moms not the kids that are like that… just the sheer disconnect and lack of care for who they are#and ngl the teacher brought back horrible feelings from getting talked to like that by teachers in school#that shit’s awful and I can’t believe the parents would still force their child into that situation knowing the effect it has on them#eugh. just eugh#couldn’t make it through 1 episode and then cried after lmao#and the moms lowkey hating the dance teacher and having mental breakdowns over her rudeness/treatment of the kids AND YET STILL PAYING TO#HAVE THEIR KIDS IN HER CLASSES#like what the fuckkkkk your kid was sobbing after her ‘tough love’ and is stuck with immense pressure and stress about getting it right…#and she’s pitting them against each other and making the kids that aren’t as good feel lesser#maybe fucking stop ???#I guess the problem is the parents are just as bad just in their own way cuz they don’t give a shit if it hurts the kids either#as long as they win/stay in dance/stay being the best#the teacher not letting a kid stop because she was nauseous and the mom intervening because she looked like she was going to throw up… only#to say ‘stop crying its not a big deal’ and saying ‘you never miss dance though’ when the kid is sobbing saying she wants to go home#really got to me ngl… made me fucking sick to watch#me talking#dance moms
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Just in case Trump wins:
right after Trump was elected in 2016, suicidality skyrocketed. If you’re considering suicide in the wake of the election this year, at least wait until after it’s absolutely certain that he’s won - after every vote has been counted, every state certified, and maybe even after he’s been sworn in (IF he wins), just to make sure he doesn’t go to prison instead. Watch the results come in live here, but don’t obsess or let them sway your vote. (To be clear, I don’t want a single person to commit suicide over the election results, no matter what. But I know from experience that “don’t do it” is thoroughly unhelpful, so instead I’m saying at least wait.)
if you’re considering suicide because you fear worsening material conditions, you might think a hotline can’t help with that. and it’s true that they can’t change legislation or promise you’ll be safe. but it’s worth double checking whether what you’re actually hurting from is in fact unfixable. right now, just getting through the emotions can help you regain a more objective view of the situation, and then you can work on surviving it. plus, when something bad happens, we tend to vastly overestimate how bad it will seem in the future, no matter how bad it actually is.
In my experience, it might take a few tries before you find a hotline that picks up, either because they’re so busy, or they’re closed at that time, or they simply don’t serve your location or demographic, so under the thingy I’ve listed more than just the same handful that tend to show up on other websites. Even if you’re not actively suicidal, you can talk to them about your hard feelings, ask for material resources, or just vent to a compassionate listener.
FIND HELP
HopeLine - call/text: 877-235-4525
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - call/text: 988 | chat
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741 | chat
help getting out of the military
for underrepresented adults:
Thrive Lifeline - text THRIVE to 313-662-8209
for pre-teens, teens, and young adults:
Your Life Your Voice - call: 800-488-3000 | text VOICE to 20121 | email
for teens (limited hours):
Teen Line - call: 800-852-8336 | text TEEN to 839863 | email
for trans and questioning people:
Trans Lifeline - call: 1-877-565-8860
for people with substance dependency:
Never Use Alone Overdose Prevention Hotline - call: 877-696-1996
for BIPOC (“with an LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens”):
BlackLine - call: 1-800-604-5841
for college students of colour:
The Steve Fund Crisis Text Line - text STEVE to 741741
for LGBTQ+ young people:
The Trevor Project - call: 1-866-488-7386 | text START to 678678 | chat
for homeless or runaway youth:
National Runaway Safeline - call/text: 1-800-786-2929 | (has chat and email, but I think the link includes tracking)
for Muslim youth (limited hours):
Naseeha Youth Hotline - call: 1-866-627-3342
Amala Hopeline - call: 1-855-952-6252
for Jewish queer youth (warmline, may take up to 24 hours to reply):
JQY Warmline - call/text: 551-579-4673
for veterans:
Veterans Crisis Line - call: 988, option 1 | text: 838255 | chat
for veterans and their families:
Lifeline for Vets - call: 888-777-4443
for pregnant people:
Crisis Pregnancy Hotline - call: 888-628-3353 | text: 714-448-8323
for parents unsure of their ability to care for a newborn:
National Safe Haven Alliance - call: 888-510-2229 | text SAFEHAVEN to 313131
International Council for Helplines Member Organisations
Warmlines - for emotional support, if you just need to talk; a lower level of support than crisis hotlines
NAMI Helpline directory
Key warmline directory (unclear if 317-550-0060 might also be a warmline, I haven’t tried it)
Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line (limited hours) - call: 888-407-4515
#us politics#us elections#tw sui ideation#suicideprevention#mental health#crisis hotline#resources#info
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wanna hear your mother tongue
[gn! reader x dan heng, jing yuan, blade, jiaoqiu, ratio, aventurine, sunday, & boothill (separate)]
Thinking about how some of the HSR men would react to you calling them a term of endearment in a different language/your native language when you two are NOT an established couple... (for me it would be something along the lines of “cariño” or “mi vida,” but of course you’re welcome to imagine any term from any language that suits you best!)
DAN HENG is confused the first few times you use the nickname. His brow will furrow and he may even adorably tilt his head a bit. He knows by your affectionate tone that it’s not anything bad, but of course, it doesn’t stop him from wanting to know exactly what it means.
He’ll turn to the data bank to look into the term’s origin and meaning, which causes him to fall down a rabbit hole of learning other terms of endearment from your language. You can expect him to shyly call you an endearment back the next time you use one on him, and he’s certainly blushing all the while.
JING YUAN’s smirk and the sparkle in his eyes the first time you let the term of endearment fall from your lips are indicators that you’ve made a terrible mistake. Whether or not you’re familiar with the dialect of the Alliance, he’ll fire a nickname from his own mother tongue right back at you, trying to gain the upper hand by flustering you instead.
And by Lan, does he succeed; you’ll keep the name-calling private and save it for when you two are alone, but he has no qualms about showering you with affection in front of a fleet of Cloud Knights, or even in front of the esteemed Fu Xuan. Good luck trying it on this one— you’ll find yourself in a full-scale flirting war, and this is a battle you can’t win.
BLADE isn’t the most emotive guy out there (when he’s not mara-struck), so it’s hard to gauge his reaction, at first. His blank expression makes it seem like the nicknames just roll off his back, so after a while, you stop using them under the presumption that they make him uncomfortable.
This has the opposite effect, of course, and he starts being a bit clingier than usual and following you around with what is most definitely not a pout on his face. It’s only when Kafka unsubtly points out that you’ve stopped calling him those “cute nicknames” that you put two and two together, and you immediately work to make things right. He may not be the best with words, but he’s happy to show his contentment with your endearments by holding you close to him.
JIAOQIU is flustered the first time, flushing red and ears twitching as he tries to compose himself after being caught off guard. Every time after that, though, he grins and graces you with those gorgeous golden eyes when he hears it. His tail may even start swishing from happiness, but you’ll never comment on it aloud, fearing that he’ll consciously stop it from happening.
His reaction is enough on its own to encourage you to keep calling him those sweet names, but you’re certainly not complaining about the delicious food that he starts bringing you in droves. (It doesn’t have anything to do with your little nicknames, don’t be silly.)
VERITAS most certainly knows what the term means, and that causes him to be even more flustered the first time you use it on him. He’s flushed from head to toe, and whatever tangent he was about to go on is completely lost to him, instead replaced by his silence as he hurriedly leaves wherever you’ve decided to pull this over on him.
He’s prepared the next time you do it, though. He doesn’t so much as bat an eye at the endearment, but he does continue the conversation in your language, speaking it flawlessly. Now it’s your turn to be flustered as you realize you enjoy hearing him speak in your mother tongue more than you care to admit. If there’s a slight smirk on his face from your reaction, neither of you acknowledge it.
AVENTURINE’s reaction is the reverse of how you would expect someone to react: flirt first, get flustered later. He doesn’t need any encouragement to be flirtatious with you, so when he hears the unfamiliar endearment for the first time, he assumes it’s just a normal part of this little game you two have been playing with each other. It’s easy for him to respond with endearments he’d heard older Avgins using growing up, and he even feels a bit giddy being able to use them on you.
Of course, he’s looking up meanings every time a new term pops up in your vocabulary, and his behavior takes a turn when he realizes you’ve started using more intimate endearments— ones typically reserved for spouses instead of those used for casual flirting. You think Aventurine looks good in any color, but you’re definitely partial to the light pink that graces his cheeks when he gets shy.
SUNDAY has been trained to remain carefully composed at all times, but nothing could have prepared him for this. He’s another one that I think would actually know what the endearment means, so he’s immediately blushing and hiding behind his wings— a futile effort, since they’re fluttering far too much to properly serve as a curtain for his flushed face. Once he gathers his bearings, he continues your conversation and acts like it never happened.
He reacts this way the first few times, but as you persist in your efforts, he decides to start playing along. He’s not one to flirt back verbally— he couldn’t possibly make his intentions too obvious— but he does take pleasure in the fact that he can have the same effect on you. If you try to comment on the way that he stands and sits much closer to you now or that his hands linger on your skin far longer than usual, an expression of innocence and casual deflection is all you’re met with. And don’t you dare try to take the endearments back from him now— he’ll only fluster you more until you start calling him those pretty names again.
BOOTHILL takes a few seconds to realize exactly what’s happening, but once he does, you’re in danger. His confusion at the word almost distracts him from the tone you used while saying it, but he catches on quickly and is grinning widely when he does, all sharp teeth and adoration. He returns the favor in kind, and from that point forward you can expect to exclusively be referred to as “sweetheart,” “sugar,” “beau,” and the like.
He can’t get enough of the way the words roll off your tongue, and the sound of it gets him more drunk than any whiskey ever could. Keep things up, and you might find yourself being pulled toward him by the waist as he puts his hat on your head, finally making his feelings for you crystal clear.
#incredibly self-indulgent post#i admit this started with me imagining calling sunday “cariño” and it spiraled from there#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr dan heng x reader#dan heng x reader#hsr jing yuan x reader#jing yuan x reader#hsr blade x reader#blade x reader#hsr jiaoqiu x reader#jiaoqiu x reader#hsr ratio x reader#ratio x reader#hsr aventurine x reader#aventurine x reader#hsr sunday x reader#sunday x reader#hsr boothill x reader#boothill x reader#hsr x you#honkai star rail x you#ceru.writes
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Arcane women accidentally confessing to you. | Sevika, Jinx, Caitlyn, Vi x Gn!Reader
This is very self-indulgent, so enjoy.<3
Content: pre-season 2 because I want to be happy rn, slight angst if you squint, fluff, accidental confessions, maybe ooc??, cursing, sfw
Reader has no set pronouns!
((Not proofread))
》SEVIKA
She was resting at the last drop with you during some downtime in between missions. One hand lingered on your hip whilst her metallic one held onto her cigar, eyes focused on the pocker game she was playing with a couple of Silco's other henchmen. She always kept you close this way, a clear sign of who you belonged to despite never having said a word about it yet. It was a mutual understanding only you could have, and so she didn't think a confession was necessary.
Until today, it seemed.
You were secretly helping her cheat a little and eventually told her the winning move, which earned her a large sum of money. Letting out a smug laugh at everyone's angered and defeated glares, she gave you a lazy grin. "Thanks, sweetheart. This is why I love you." She hummed to you, smoke exhaling from her dark lips, before she froze ever so slightly. Well, it shouldn't be that much of a surprise to either of you, and yet she couldn't help but chuckle at your own stunned face.
Looking at the men around her, she threw some poker chips towards them, clearly asking for another round. She wasn't the type to get flustered or shy anyways, so her moving on like nothing happened was on brand.
The only acknowledgment you got, however, was the hand on your hip tightening.
》JINX
She has a hard time hiding her feelings for you due to her rather energetic and extremely clingy nature. But there is still a clear distance between you two that she's too scared to cross. It was a deep fear of ruining everything she had with you in case her confession went wrong. She'd rather you consider her your best friend for life if it meant for you to stay at her side. She didn't want to lose more people after all. And yet, as fate has it, she eventually lost herself in a good and happy moment with you.
You were tinkering on some projects in her hideout whilst listening to music. Her head was leaning against your shoulder as her eyes traced your focused gaze. Jinx felt so content and at peace in that moment that she couldn't stop the words that spilled out of her mouth. "I love you." It took her a second to realise what happened, and her body was quick to flinch away from you. You kept her in place, however, with a free hand placed against her head. "Hey, it's okay. I love you too. I'm not leaving." You reassured her quickly with a smile, one that made her heart skip a beat.
She may not see herself as deserving of you, but she's glad to have you at her side anyway. Hopefully forever.
》CAITLYN
Caitlyn was good at hiding her emotions from you. In fact, she had refused to tell you in fear of breaking the professionalism you two had and, most importantly, your friendship that she cherished deeply. And so, she was very careful not to reveal a single thing... until her confidence betrayed her and caused her to slip up.
You two were reviewing a new case together, and whilst she wasn't paying attention, she accidentally slid you her diary over. It unfortunately looked too similar to her work notebook, something she only realised the moment you opened it and froze in surprise. She may have scribbled your name all over it. She may have childishly drawn hearts around your name. She may have made it awfully clear that she loved you. And it made her wonder if there was a god out there that hated her deeply.
"... My apologies. Please ignore that-" "-Haha, I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one who did this!" You let out a soft laugh before pulling out your notebook and showing her similar pages to her own, just with her name written all over them. Her face was flushed from how flustered and embarrassed she was, but alas, she too couldn't help and chuckle at how silly this all was. At least you felt the same.
》VI
It's not like she didn't want to confess her feelings to you. She just didn't know how! Her confession should sweep you right off your feet in her mind, and yet nothing she came up with seemed good enough. Vi hoped that her flirting would get the point across, but she lacked the confidence to go any further than compliments. She just didn't want you to think differently of her and therefore kept her distance for the most part regarding the subject. That is if she could keep it in for lobger than she already has. She always felt so strongly about others, after all.
So, during a little hang out session in a bar somewhere in Zaun, she attempted to find the courage to tell you how she felt. Whilst she went off to go and get you a drink first, however, a drunken man showed up at your side and started flirting you in a rather uncomfortable way. You tried making it clear that you weren't interested, but as he went to grab your arm, a hand slammed in between you two onto the bar table. "Hey, I think they told you no, asshole." "Who the hell are you?" The man barked back, yet Vi didn't back down and simply blocked you from his view with her body. "I'm their girlfriend, now fuck off." She hissed, and the man just rolled his eyes before walking off grumbling.
Silence filled the space in between you two until you chuckled softly. "Girlfriend, huh? I like the sound of that." You hummed, secretly trying to ease her embarrassed mind, that quickly recovered at your words with a sly grin. "You do?" You mirrored her smile with a nod. "Very much so. I'm glad we think alike."
#arcane#arcane x y/n#arcane x reader#arcane sevika#arcane sevika x reader#sevika#sevika x reader#arcane jinx#arcane jinx x reader#jinx#jinx x reader#arcane vi#arcane vi x reader#vi#vi x reader#arcane caitlyn#arcane caitlyn x reader#caitlyn#caitlyn x reader#arcane x you
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protective ex-husband!simon, implied violence/break-in
“i know! and that’s when i told her-“ you paused, your hand halfway to the keys at the bottom of your purse. your apartment door was open, a menacing sliver of darkness awaiting you. “hey, i’m going to have to call you back.” you ended the call with your friend, slowly backing away from your door. shit. you knew you locked the door when you left for work, and no one else had a copy of your key. a creeping sensation came over you, like someone was watching from within. slowly, you retreated, taking the elevator down to your apartment’s lobby as the anxiety crawled through your body. you wracked your brain, wondering if you should call the police. wondering if they would even believe you. there was only one call to make.
“come on, pick up.” you tapped your foot impatiently as your ex husband took forever to answer the phone. it was all you could do to not think about your home being violated, about a potential stalker or date gone wrong.
“‘ello?”
“si- simon, it’s me.”
“i know, lovie. that’s why i picked up.” you let out a quiet sob of relief at his voice, the bottle on your emotions starting to leak.
“what’s wrong?” his voice changed, immediately hearing your silent tears. he could always read you too well. “i don’t want to bother you but” you hiccupped. shit. “but my apartment door was open and i’m pretty sure i closed it, i usually do. i don’t know if im being silly but now im in the lobby and im just scared, simon.” there was a fumbling sound, the echoes of simon zipping up his jacket and pulling on his shoes.
“go to that cafe across the street, dove. go get yourself one of those overpriced hot chocolates. i’ll be there in 15.”
9 minutes later, your shaking hands were tapping random patterns on the cafe table, unable to raise your drink to your mouth without spilling it. your eyes were locked onto the wood grain, counting lines to distract yourself.
suddenly, a gloved hand covered yours. you looked up and there he was, your ghost in all his glory. you forgot everything for a second, forgot the past arguments and the strained silences, and flung yourself into his arms. you breathed in his comforting scent of pinewood that masked his cigarettes, a cologne you got him four years ago for christmas. your face was wet, and as he pulled you back to check you for injuries, his thumb brushed a stray tear away from your face. you didn’t even realize you were crying.
“‘s okay, baby. i’m here now. give me your keys.” you fumbled for your keys, purse strap sliding off your shoulder as your hands shook too much to keep it balanced. simon caught it gracefully, finding your keys in the same pocket you always kept them. “stay here. i’ll be back.” you nodded instinctively. only when you saw his figure retreat to your apartment building, clothed in all black like a figure of death, you realized you hadn’t told him your new apartment number.
twenty minutes passed. simon’s presence had worked like medicine as your heart rate has now dropped back down to normal, your hands stable enough to finish your drink. any other person would be worried for simon’s safety, but you knew the only person you should be concerned for was your intruder.
“you’re stayin’ with me tonight.” he was back, looking exactly the same. he wasn’t even winded. “thank you simon, but don’t be ridiculous. i can get a hotel. you live so far from my work anyways.” he approached you, crowding into your space as he leaned over you, even with a cafe table in between. “consider it payment then.” he tilted your chin up with his left hand as he hid his other one, covered with blood, in his pocket. “one way or another, you’re in my bed tonight, dove.” you gulped at that. “and i’ve got riley in the car. you wouldn’t abandon him, would you?” of course he had gotten your cat when he checked out your apartment. riley hated men, but never simon. cheeky bastard.
“you win.”
fast forward a couple of hours and you were getting ready for bed at simon’s, belly full from the meal he had made you. riley made himself at home on the living room couch, of course. “he’s in my spot.” you gestured to your cat on the couch. “wha’ d’ya mean?” your husband simon was now in sweats and sweats only, clean from the shower he had after you both got home back to his place. you pretended not to see him methodically wash blood out of his fingernails, reasoning quite easily with yourself that it was for a good cause.
“my couch for tonight.” simon moved toward you and you avoided his eyes, trying not to stare at how beautiful he still was. muscular but thick, torso adorned with scars you used to trace on sunday mornings when you both stayed in bed until the afternoon. he gripped your chin, forcing you to make eye contact. “told’ya you were in my bed tonight, dovie.” you swallowed and he watched your throat move, memories of you swallowing something else countless times rising to the surface.
“don’t be silly, simon. that would cross a line.”
“what line?” his arms were crossed now, drawing your attention to an unfamiliar tattoo right above his heart. a small dove.
“we’re not together anymore, simon.”
“you’re still my wife.”
silence. he was always like this, pushing you until you broke. he was unwilling to compromise, even on the smallest of issues. usually you’d fight him, spit fire until you lost your voice. tonight though, you were reminded of how he was the only person you were able to call, the only one committing dark sins without asking, all for your safety. instead, you threw your hands up and walked into his bedroom, mechanically stripping as you put on one of his shirts and a pair of boxers. you felt his eyes on you, burning a hole through the fabric. you were tired, so tired of this push and pull.
“what.” you whipped around, all venom. his eyes were impossibly soft, holding yours with a peaceful caress. “you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you.” your fire went out at that. “you’re just trying to get me naked.” you mumbled, looking down as you fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. you watched as his body came into view, pressing your forehead against his bare skin.
“could see you in a thousand layers and you’d still be the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen, dove.” ever so slowly, your hands crept up his body to grab his shoulders and neck. he picked you up with ease, turning the lights off and tucking you both in bed. “when did you get the tattoo?” you asked in the dark.
“3 months and 12 days ago.” what would have been your 3rd year of marriage, your anniversary. you lowered your head and gave him a kiss right where the tattoo was. “can we talk about it in the morning?” you snuggled into him, that familiar scent calming you once again. “always, dove.” he kissed your forehead, smiling in the dark.
----
idk why im obsessed with the break-in and simon to the rescue trope but its fueling me lately
#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley smut#simon riley wife#ghost call of duty#tornadothoughts#ex husband ghost#fluff
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the headcanon of regulus just being able to cry on command is horrifying but also the funniest thing i’ve ever fucking heard. like i imagine regulus is hanging out with the marauders, post black brothers reconciliation, and him and sirius are bickering and sirius JOKINGLY goes “well it’s not MY fault it’s impossible for you to show any emotion” and regulus blinks. and then just fully starts sobbing.
and james and remus and peter are all like ?!?!?! what the FUCK . RIGHTFULLY SO. and james’ heart is hurting so bad because he’s never seen regulus cry before and he’s trying to comfort him and hold him and regulus, (who is gay and a little shit) is just letting himself be hugged and letting james pet his hair or whatever and remus is like. sirius what the fuck apologize to your brother??????? because sirius has been sitting there the entire time unmoving and he just raises his eyebrows, completely unimpressed and deadpan when he goes, “you guys do know he’s faking right”. and then when remus and james both are like HUH??? torn between bewildered and angry with this reaction, regulus just extracts himself from james, face completely neutral but with tears drying on his cheeks, no sign of the heaving, hyperventilating sobs he’d fallen into literally a second ago and says “i win”. it terrifies peter so bad that he can’t look him in the eyes for a week
#james thinks it’s REALLY hot and then gets so guilty about it because he’s like imagine what he had to go through to be able to do that#and i’m TAKING ADVANTAGE OF IT!!! </33#when regulus was just partially born like that#this is the instance that starts the moonwater bestieisms btw and sirius HATES it#jegulus#i’m sure somebody has made this exact post before but idgaf#sirius black#marauders#peter pettigrew#regulus black#black brothers#remus lupin#wolfstar#long post#regulus hearing that he doesn’t express his emotions and his live reaction being to immediately start crying on cue to prove a point is#the most accurate i’ve ever depicted him i think
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Double Standard Dictionary: A Guide to Things That Are Only "Problems" When Women Do Them
Let's have an honest conversation about something that drives me absolutely crazy. You know those little comments and judgments that somehow only seem to apply to women? Yeah, we need to talk about that.
The Professional Edition
When men vs. when women do the exact same thing:
He's assertive → She's aggressive
He's focused → She's cold
He's passionate → She's emotional
He's dedicated → She's obsessed
He's confident → She's arrogant
He's strategic → She's manipulative
He's busy → She's neglecting her life
The Dating Double Standards
The classics that never seem to die:
He's dated around → She has "a past"
He's a bachelor → She's "left on the shelf"
He's selective → She's picky
He's career-focused → She's married to her job
He's a social butterfly → She's attention-seeking
He's "finding himself" → She needs to settle down
He's direct → She's desperate
The Appearance Police
The endless contradictions:
Look professional, but not too try-hard
Be attractive, but not attention-seeking
Wear makeup, but keep it "natural"
Be fit, but not too muscular
Dress well, but not too sexy
Look youthful, but not immature
Age gracefully, but never look old
The Emotion Edition
How it's perceived:
His anger is justified → Her anger is hysteria
His sadness is deep → Her sadness is dramatic
His stress is from hard work → Her stress is from "not coping"
His excitement is enthusiasm → Her excitement is over-the-top
His concerns are valid → Her concerns are paranoid
His anxiety is pressure → Her anxiety is weakness
The Family Chronicles
The never-ending judgment:
He's babysitting → She's just parenting
He's helping around the house → She's doing her job
He's focused on work → She's neglecting family
He needs time to himself → She's selfish
He's weighing his options → She's wasting time
He's figuring out what he wants → Her clock is ticking
The Office Politics
Things I'm tired of seeing:
Men get mentored → Women get hit on
Men network → Women "sleep their way up"
Men are busy → Women "can't handle it"
Men are thorough → Women are perfectionists
Men delegate → Women are lazy
Men need work-life balance → Women are uncommitted
The Social Scene
The ridiculous expectations:
Be fun but not too wild
Be social but not too friendly
Be smart but not intimidating
Be successful but not threatening
Be independent but not difficult
Be strong but still need help
Be confident but still humble
The Success Paradox
What we're dealing with:
Be ambitious but not threatening
Lead but don't be bossy
Achieve but don't outshine
Negotiate but don't be demanding
Succeed but stay likeable
Excel but remain modest
Win but make it look effortless
The Reality Check
What this actually means for us:
Constant second-guessing
Walking on eggshells
Energy drain from overthinking
Imposter syndrome
Reduced authenticity
Limited self-expression
Unnecessary stress
The Way Forward
What we can do about it:
Call it out
Name the double standard
Question the logic
Point out the inconsistency
Support other women
2. Break the patterns
Reject unfair labels
Define success personally
Set our own standards
Celebrate authenticity
3. Change the narrative
Share success stories
Highlight achievements
Create new networks
Mentor others
To Every Woman Dealing With This
Remember:
You're not "too much"
Your achievements are earned
Your feelings are valid
Your ambitions are worthy
Your standards are important
Your voice matters
Your path is yours
#double standards#feminism#women supporting women#gender equality#women in business#women empowerment#professionalism#career woman#working women#gender bias#breaking barriers#womens rights#equality#girl power#career#empowerment#feminist rant#speak up
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﹙ 🎬 ﹚ ────UH OH, I’M FALLING IN LOVE.
𝓢YPNOSiS. you and heeseung have been rivals for as long as you could remember, constantly competing for the top spot in school—basically everything. living next door to each other only added to the fire, the tension between you, especially when heeseung’s cocky aura never seems to waver. but one single encounter shifts the entire dynamic, leading to confusing emotions arising, jealousy, and new surprising revelations. what happens when rivalry starts to feel like it’s growing into something more?
୨୧ 𝓟AiRING. academic rival! lee heeseung x fem! reader, e2l, platonic jake sim! x reader.
୨୧ 𝓖ENRE. frenemies to enemies to lovers trope, neighbours trope, slowburnish, she fell first, he fell harder, angst but vv happy & fluffy ending!! non!idol au.
୨୧ WARNiNGS. profanities, mean girl harassing yn, slight miscommunications, overthinking, heeseungs’ unfortunately vv dumb T-T, kissing, jealousy, insecurities, not proofread so expect spelling errors :3!!
୨୧ WORD COUNT. 10,283 | 10.2K
𝓟𝗟𝗔𝗬𝗟i𝗦𝗧 ﹕ labyrinth, taylor swift, let the light in, lana del rey, white mustang, lana del rey, i love you, i’m sorry, gracie abrams, nobody gets me, sza, fishtail, lana del rey, bel air, lana del rey, intro (end of the world), ariana grande, daydreamin’, ariana grande.
NOTE. after three days it’s finally complete:3 this is my first 10k+ work and i’m really proud of it!! feedback is always appreciated<3 ig this is another (late) birthday post for heeseung bc ilhsm!! ㅠㅠ
LiBRARY | © won4kiss all rights reserved
YOU HAVE ALWAYS HATED LEE HEESEUNG IN ALL YOUR YEARS OF LIVING.
or at least, that’s what you told yourself after your crush on him in freshman year, long before he decided he didn’t wanna be friends anymore—everyday as you stared at the back of his head in class, as you watched him stride confidently down the halls, or caught a glimpse of him outside your window, you knew you hated him.
it wasn’t hatred in the traditional sense, but rather an intense, gnawing resentment that had grown over the years.
he was your biggest rival—had been since childhood.
every achievement, every reward you earned, was always tainted by the fact that heeseung was right there, just a step ahead or a breath behind, competing with you for the same crown.
for as long as you could remember, it had been you and heeseung battling for the title of “number 1” in everything.
academics, sports, student council—if there was something to win, one of you would, and the other would be left second place, seething with anger.
you both knew it, and so did the rest of the school—the rivalry between the two of you was practically legendary.
and it didn’t help that you were neighbors.
from your bedroom window, you had a perfect view into heeseung’s room.
the distance between the two houses was just a few meters, and if you opened your windows at the same time, you could practically hear each other breathing.
there were nights when you could see the dim glow of his desk lamp as he studied late into the evening—no doubt working just as hard as you were, trying to maintain his title over you.
heeseung was infuriating, cocky, arrogant, and—worst of all—talented.
it wasn’t enough that he was smart—he was also athletic, charismatic, and effortlessly incredibly popular.
he’d never let you forget it, either, there wasn’t a day that passed without him throwing a smug comment your way about how he’d beat you in the last exam or how he scored higher in a math test by a single point.
“you almost had me that time,” he’d say with a smirk, as if being second place wasn’t a knife in your chest.
so, naturally, you’d responded in a way anyone else would, throwing curses and insults his way whenever you could.
it was a defense mechanism, a way to keep the bitter rivalry alive.
but deep down, you had to admit, there was something almost exciting about it.
heeseung pushed you to be better, to work harder—and while you loathed the look he gave you every time he won, there was something about his presence that you couldn’t quite shake off.
then, one morning, everything changed.
it was a normal tuesday, and you were getting ready for school as usual.
the sun was barely rising, casting a soft golden light into your room.
you were standing in front of your mirror, adjusting your uniform, when something caught your eye from the window—more specifically, someone.
heeseung.
at first, you didn’t think much of it—after all, his window was right across from yours, and you’d seen him countless times getting ready for the day.
but then you realized—he wasn’t just standing there, he was shirtless.
your heart skipped a beat—you froze, eyes wide, as you took in the sight of him.
his hair was still messy from his slumber, and his skin was glowing softly in the glow of the morning light.
you’d never really thought about heeseung in any way other than as your obnoxious rival, but seeing him like this—bare and vulnerable—you couldn’t deny that it did something to you.
you tried to tear your eyes away, but for some reason, you couldn’t.
you felt your cheeks grow hot as you stood there, practically staring at him.
and that’s when he turned his head.
he caught you.
heeseung’s eyes flickered toward your window, and for a split second, you thought maybe—just maybe—he wouldn’t notice.
but then his lips curled into that familiar smirk, the one that always made you want to punch him, and he raised an eyebrow.
slowly, he stepped closer to the window, clearly amused by the fact that you’d been caught staring.
your heart hammered in your chest, this was the most mortifying moment of your life.
before you could react, heeseung opened his window, pushing it up with a soft creak.
his smirk widened as he leaned against the windowsill, his bare chest still on full display.
and then, he did something you didn’t expect—he motioned for you to open your window.
for a moment, you just stood there, frozen in place, unsure of what to do.
every fiber of your being screamed at you to ignore him, to pretend this never happened.
but there was something about the way he was looking at you—something playful, something almost… flirty? it sent your brain into a whirlwind of confusion.
with shaky hands, you hesitated, then slowly cracked open your window, just enough to hear him.
“what? did you enjoy the view?” he asked, his voice dripping with amusement.
your face flushed even hotter—this was not happening. lee heeseung was flirting with you?
he had never flirted with you before—he was usually busy insulting you or trying to one-up you.
but now? now he was standing there, shirtless, with that stupid grin on his face, teasing you like this was some kind of game.
“i—what are you even talking about?” you stammered, trying desperately to regain some sense of control. “i wasn’t staring, freak!”
heeseung chuckled softly, the sound sending an unexpected shiver down your spine.
“sure, you weren’t. it’s okay to admit it, you know? i get it. i am pretty hard to resist.”
you gaped at him, utterly speechles, was this really happening? was he seriously being… flirty?
your brain couldn’t handle it—without thinking, you slammed your window shut, the sound echoing through the quiet morning air.
your heart was racing as you quickly yanked the blinds down, cutting off any possibility of him seeing your red, embarrassed face.
you leaned back against the wall, your hand pressed to your chest as you tried to calm down.
what the hell just happened? was this some new tactic of his to throw you off your game? to mess with your head right before exams?
or… was it something else entirely?
for the first time in years, you found yourself truly confused about lee heeseung, and that terrified you.
you tried to push the incident out of your mind, but it clung to your thoughts like a stubborn stain you couldn’t scrub away.
that strange encounter with heeseung left you feeling unsettled, his cocky grin and the way his eyes lingered on you making you feel things you didn’t want to acknowledge.
flirting. it was definitely flirting. but why? what was his angle?
in the days that followed, things got even weirder.
heeseung, your sworn academic rival, the bane of your existence, had suddenly… softened.
the mean remarks, the casual taunts—gone.
instead, he’d been acting almost… considerate?
you noticed it first when you were walking into class one morning, arms full with textbooks and a coffee in hand.
normally, heeseung would be the first to slip in front of you and let the door slam shut in your face—just to get under your skin, of course.
but that morning, he held the door open for you, his eyes meeting yours briefly as he gave you a small nod.
“thanks,” you mumbled, confused but too caught off guard to say anything more.
he didn’t say anything either—no smug response, no condescending smile.
he just let you walk through the door and quietly followed you inside. the whole thing was… unnerving.
then, during class, he didn’t try to one-up you during discussions, didn’t toss his usual gloating looks your way when he answered a question right before you could.
he was just sitting there, minding his own business.
you couldn’t understand it. this wasn’t the heeseung you knew—the heeseung you’d spent years battling, exchanging insults, and outdoing each other.
this version of him, quiet and strangely kind, threw you off balance, and it only got worse.
in the hallways, heeseung started greeting.
not with his usual sarcasm, but with a simple, “hey.” sometimes, he’d even smile at you—an actual smile, not that infuriating smirk he usually wore.
you didn’t know what to do with it. your brain felt like it was short-circuiting every time he looked at you, like you couldn’t reconcile this new heeseung with the one who had spent years making your blood boil.
it wasn’t just you who noticed the change, either—your friends started giving you weird looks every time heeseung passed by without some snarky comment.
one day, your friend mina leaned over during lunch and whispered, “what’s up with heeseung? he’s been acting like… different lately.”
“i don’t know,” you muttered, stabbing at your food with more force than necessary. “maybe he’s finally grown up.” mina raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced.
“or maybe he’s just tired of pretending to hate you.”
you nearly choked on your drink. “what?”
“come on,” mina said, smirking. “it’s obvious. heeseung’s been obsessed with you for years. he’s probably just finally figured out that he actually likes you.”
you scoffed, shaking your head. “that’s ridiculous. heeseung hates me. we’ve been rivals since we were kids.”
mina shrugged. “rivals, sure. but that doesn’t mean he hates you. sometimes people use rivalry as an excuse to get close to someone.”
you didn’t want to believe it. you couldn’t believe it. heeseung liking you? it made no sense.
he was obnoxious, arrogant, and had made your life hell for years.
there was no way he suddenly had feelings for you. no. it was all some game—some twisted strategy to throw you off your game. right?
but then there was that nagging feeling deep inside, the one you didn’t want to acknowledge— the same ones you felt not too many years ago.
the one that kept reminding you of how your heart had skipped a beat when you saw him shirtless through the window.
how your pulse quickened every time he smiled at you now, even if you hated to admit it.
the realization was creeping in slowly, like a slow, dread filled idea building in your chest.
the truth was, heeseung had always been more than just your rival. he’d always been the one person who could get under your skin in ways no one else could.
and maybe, there was something there—something that went beyond the rivalry.
but before you could make sense of it, everything had changed again.
a few days later, you noticed a new face in school.
she was striking—tall, with long, dark hair and a bright smile that seemed to light up the room.
she moved through the hallways with an air of confidence, making friends effortlessly.
within days, it felt like everyone knew her name—you quickly learned her name too: haerin.
at first, you didn’t pay much attention to her.
she was new, sure, but you had more important things to worry about—like the upcoming exams.
but then you noticed something that made your stomach twist in a way you couldn’t explain.
heeseung was spending time with her—a lot of time.
you saw them together between classes, walking side by side, talking and laughing.
heeseung, who had been oddly nice to you lately, now seemed to be focusing all his attention on this new girl.
it was subtle at first—just casual conversations, a friendly smile here and there—but soon, you started seeing them together all the time.
and it wasn’t just their proximity that bothered you. it was the way they were so… touchy.
heeseung would lean in close when he talked to her, his hand brushing her arm casually as he laughed at something she said.
she’d playfully nudge him back, her eyes sparkling.
it was the kind of easy, natural closeness that made you feel sick to your stomach.
jealousy was a foreign emotion for you—especially when it came to lee heeseung.
you’d never thought you’d care about who he spent time with—but seeing him with haerin, seeing how comfortable they were together, made something ugly and bitter rise in your chest.
you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were being replaced.
that whatever strange connection you and heeseung had been developing was being overshadowed by this new girl.
as much as you tried to ignore it, the jealousy gnawed at you.
you couldn’t help but compare yourself to haerin—she was charming, effortlessly likable.
she fit in with heeseung’s world in a way that you never could.
you were his rival, his equal in competition, but haerin? she was someone who made him smile without the sharp edges.
you hated it. hated how it made you feel. hated how you started to question if heeseung had ever really changed at all, or if he had just been playing some long game with you.
days passed, and heeseung’s attention on haerin only seemed to grow.
they were inseparable now, and every time you saw them together, your heart clenched painfully.
the worst part was, heeseung barely even looked at you anymore.
he had stopped greeting you in the hallways, stopped holding the door for you, stopped leaving those lingering glances that had started to make your stomach flip.
it felt like you were disappearing from his world.
but maybe that was for the best, you thought—maybe heeseung was never meant to be anything more than your rival.
and maybe you were just fooling yourself into thinking there could be something more.
you had always prided yourself on your confidence.
in all the years you spent locked in competition with heeseung, you’d never doubted your abilities.
sure, he was good—annoyingly good—but so were you.
you matched him step for step, beat him sometimes, and when you didn’t, you got back up, ready to fight again.
but now, something was shifting, and it had nothing to do with grades or exams.
it had everything to do with haerin.
insecurity was new for you, but it was impossible to ignore, everywhere you looked, she was there—laughing with heeseung, brushing against him like they’d known each other for years, not just a couple of weeks.
they were so casual with each other, so comfortable.
you told yourself it didn’t matter, that heeseung’s friendships didn’t affect you.
but it did. it was starting to eat away at you, piece by piece.
what was worse was that you found yourself wondering why it wasn’t you.
why had heeseung been so kind to you one minute and then completely shifted his attention to someone else?
had all those smiles, those lingering glances, meant nothing? maybe you’d misread everything.
maybe it had never been anything more than a temporary truce in your endless battle.
but no matter how much you tried to brush it off, the truth was impossible to deny—you were jealous.
you hated that it felt like haerin was taking your place in heeseung’s life.
you hated the way she made him laugh so easily—and most of all, you hated how small and insignificant it made you feel.
and then came the final straw.
it was a friday afternoon, the cafeteria bustling with noise as students crowded around tables for lunch.
you were sitting with your usual group, mina chatting about some drama she’d seen on tv, but your attention was elsewhere—locked on the sight of heeseung and haerin across the room.
they were sitting together, as usual—haerin was leaning in close, whispering something that made heeseung throw his head back in laughter.
your chest tightened at the sight—you tried to look away, to focus on mina’s story, but it was impossible.
that green, bitter feeling of jealousy twisted in your stomach, making you feel sick.
“are you even listening?” mina’s voice broke through your thoughts, and you blinked, turning back to her.
“yeah, sorry,” you muttered, forcing a smile. “just… tired, i guess.”
mina raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but before she could say anything, someone approached your table.
it was haerin.
you looked up, startled to see her standing there with a carton of milk in hand, a sweet smile on her face.
but there was something about her expression that felt… off.
her eyes gleamed with a certain smugness that sent warning bells ringing in your mind.
“oops—” haerin’s voice was sickeningly sweet as she ‘accidentally’ tipped the milk carton over, sending the liquid spilling across the table and right into your lap.
your entire body stiffened as the cold milk soaked through your clothes, shock momentarily paralyzing you.
the cafeteria seemed to go quiet around you as everyone turned to look at the scene unfolding.
haerin’s smile didn’t waver for a second.
“oh my god, i’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, though there wasn’t a trace of sincerity in her voice. “that was totally an accident!”
you could feel your pulse pounding in your ears as your mind raced to process what had just happened.
the milk was cold, seeping into your uniform, but that was the least of your concerns.
you knew it wasn’t an accident. haerin had done it on purpose, and judging by the look in her eyes, she wanted to humiliate you in front of everyone.
for a second, you felt frozen—the room was watching, the sound of whispers starting to make its way through the crowd as they waited to see what you would do.
“it wasn’t an accident,” you said, your voice sharp and louder than you intended.
you stood up abruptly, glaring at haerin. “you did that on purpose.”
haerin’s smile didn’t falter—she tilted her head, feigning innocence as she blinked at you.
“i don’t know what you’re talking about. it was just an accident, really. no need to get so upset.”
the fake sweetness in her voice set your teeth on edge.
anger bubbled up in your chest, mixing with the hurt and insecurity you’d been bottling up for days.
“that’s a lie,” you snapped. “you’ve been trying to mess with me since you got here.”
the whispers around you grew louder as people leaned in, watching the confrontation unfold.
haerin’s eyes flickered with amusement, but before you could say anything else, a familiar voice cut through the tension.
“hey, what’s going on here?”
you turned to see heeseung standing a few steps away, his brows furrowed in confusion as he looked between you and haerin.
for a moment, relief washed over you. heeseung had seen everything, right? he’d understand what was happening, and for once, he’d take your side.
but then haerin turned her wide, innocent eyes on him, her lower lip jutting out in a perfect pout.
“i accidentally spilled milk on her,” she said, her voice soft. “but she thinks i did it on purpose. i don’t know why she’s so mad…”
you watched in disbelief as heeseung’s expression softened.
he glanced at you, but there was no anger in his eyes—only frustration.
“come on,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “it was an accident. don’t make a big deal out of it.”
your heart sank.
you couldn’t believe what you were hearing—heeseung was taking her side? after everything you’d been through, after all the strange kindness he’d shown you in the past few days, he was choosing to believe her over you?
“that’s not what happened!” you shouted, your voice breaking with frustration. “she did it on purpose! you saw—”
“just drop it,” heeseung said, cutting you off—his tone was tired, as if this whole situation was just an inconvenience to him.
“you’re seriously overreacting.”
the words hit you like a punch to the gut. overreacting? he was dismissing you—again.
something in you snapped—without another word, you turned on your heel and bolted from the cafeteria, ignoring the whispers and stares that followed.
the humiliation, the betrayal—it was too much to bear.
you found yourself in the empty janitor’s room, the quiet darkness swallowing you whole.
you slid down the wall, burying your face in your hands as the tears finally came.
everything hurt—your pride, your heart, and the foolish hope you’d had that heeseung might actually care about you.
the cold, dim room was silent, except for your quiet sobs.
you tried to keep them in, biting your lip, but the tears just kept coming.
your hands trembled as they gripped your knees, pulling yourself into a ball on the floor of the empty janitor’s room.
it was the only place you could think to hide, the only place where no one would find you in this humiliating state.
you couldn’t believe how things had turned out—everything was a mess.
not just the milk soaking into your uniform, but the betrayal from heeseung, the stupid jealousy you felt toward haerin, and the way the entire cafeteria had seen you break down.
your head spun with anger and sadness, and no matter how hard you tried to calm yourself, the tears kept flowing.
then, there was a soft knock on the door.
you stiffened, wiping your face furiously with the back of your sleeve.
whoever it was, you didn’t want them to see you like this.
but before you could pull yourself together, the door creaked open, and a familiar figure stepped inside.
“hey… are you okay?”
jake sim?
you blinked up at him, confused, you hadn’t expected anyone to come looking for you, least of all jake—heeseung’s rival on the basketball court and someone you’d barely spoken to outside of class.
he closed the door behind him, giving you a soft, understanding smile as he crouched down in front of you.
you sniffed, quickly wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks.
“what are you doing here?” you asked, your voice still shaky. jake shrugged, sitting down beside you on the cold floor.
“i saw what happened in the cafeteria. i figured you might want to be alone, but… i also thought you could use some company.”
you looked away, embarrassed that he’d witnessed everything—the last thing you wanted was for anyone to see you like this, but at the same time, the quiet sympathy in his voice was oddly comforting.
“i don’t need company,” you muttered, but the words lacked conviction.
jake chuckled softly. “maybe not, but i’m staying anyway.” for a few moments, neither of you said anything.
jake sat beside you in silence, giving you space to collect your thoughts—it was strange how easy it felt to be around him.
even though you’d never been particularly close, his presence wasn’t overwhelming or intrusive. it was just… there, solid and dependable.
finally, you sighed, leaning your head back against the wall. “it was her,” you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.
“haerin. she did it on purpose.”
jake nodded. “i figured. she’s been hanging around heeseung a lot lately. guess she thought picking a fight with you would get her more attention.”
you clenched your fists, feeling the anger bubble up again. “and heeseung… he just believed her. he didn’t even listen to me. he just… told me to drop it, like it didn’t matter.”
jake was silent for a moment, then sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“yeah, that wasn’t cool of him. i don’t know what’s going on with heeseung, but what he did today was wrong. you deserved better than that.”
the simple validation of your feelings made something inside you crack open.
you hadn’t realized how much you needed to hear that—how much you needed someone to understand what you were going through.
“thank you,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.
jake smiled at you, the kind of smile that felt genuine and warm. “anytime.”
for a while, you sat there in silence, letting the tension of the day slowly nib away in jake’s quiet company.
it was strange—this was the first real conversation you’d ever had with him, but somehow, it felt like you’d known him for longer.
there was no awkwardness, no pressure to fill the silence with unnecessary words. he was just… there.
after a while, you finally spoke again. “why are you being so nice to me?” you asked, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.
jake chuckled softly. “is it that surprising?”
“a little,” you admitted. “i mean, we’ve never really talked before.”
he nodded thoughtfully. “true, but i’ve seen you around. we’re in the same class, and you’re heeseung’s biggest rival. i guess i always admired how you handled him.”
you raised an eyebrow, surprised. “admired?”
“yeah,” he said with a smile. “heeseung can be a lot to deal with, but you never back down. you’re tough, and you’re not afraid to butt heads with him. that’s not something everyone can do.”
you blinked, taken aback by the sincerity in his voice.
no one had ever put it that way before—most people saw your rivalry with heeseung as petty or competitive, but jake seemed to see something more.
something you hadn’t even realized about yourself.
“thanks,” you murmured, unsure of what else to say.
jake gave you another easy smile. “no problem. and hey, if you ever need someone to vent to, i’m here. heeseung might be my rival on the court, but that doesn’t mean i’m on his side when it comes to this.”
for the first time all day, you felt a small, genuine smile tug at your lips.
jake’s kindness, his quiet reassurance, was exactly what you needed.
he didn’t try to fix everything or offer empty words of comfort. he just listened, and somehow, that made all the difference.
“thanks, jake,” you said softly. “i really do appreciate it.”
“anytime,” he replied with a grin, standing up and offering you a hand to help you off the floor.
you hesitated for a moment, then took it, letting him pull you to your feet.
as you both made your way out of the janitor’s room, you couldn’t help but feel a little lighter, like some of the weight on your chest had lifted.
jake’s unexpected kindness had done more to heal the hurt than you’d expected.
and as you walked side by side back to class, you realized that maybe, this was the beginning of a new friendship.
over the next few days, something unexpected happened—you found yourself spending more time with jake.
jake made everything feel a little easier, a little lighter, and you didn’t feel the constant pressure to put up walls around him.
at first, it was just small moments here and there, like passing each other in the hallways and exchanging knowing smiles, or sitting together during lunch when mina was busy.
with jake, there were no mind games, no intense competition, and definitely no betrayal.
the first time you laughed with him in class, you almost forgot the sting of what had happened with heeseung—almost.
it was small things at first. jake would crack a joke when you were feeling down, or lean over during study periods to ask a random question that had nothing to do with school but everything to do with making you smile.
he had this easygoing charm about him, the kind that made it impossible to stay mad or sad for long.
and, of course, heeseung noticed.
it was hard not to. you and jake had started walking to and from classes together, and every time heeseung passed by, you could feel his eyes on you.
he didn’t say anything at first, but there was something in the way he looked at you that made your skin prickle—like he was trying to figure something out, something that was just out of his reach.
one afternoon, you were sitting with jake outside, taking in the rare moment of sunshine between classes.
jake had just told a terrible joke, the kind that made you laugh even though it was ridiculous, and you couldn’t help but lean into him, playfully nudging his shoulder.
“really, jake? that’s the best you’ve got?” you teased, wiping a tear from the corner of your eye as your laughter faded.
“hey, i don’t see you coming up with anything better,” he shot back, grinning.
his smile was infectious, and you felt a warm comfort wash over you.
it was nice, being able to relax like this—something you hadn’t realized you needed until now.
but then, out of the corner of your eye, you saw him.
heeseung stood a few feet away, watching you and jake with a look that was hard to read.
his jaw was clenched, his eyes narrowed slightly, and for a moment, you could’ve sworn you saw something close to frustration flash across his face.
you immediately straightened up, the laughter dying in your throat as you met his gaze.
heeseung didn’t move, didn’t say anything, but the tension between the three of you was thick.
jake noticed too, his smile fading slightly as he glanced between you and heeseung, clearly picking up on the strange energy.
“heeseung,” jake greeted casually, though his tone was a little less cheerful than before. “you need something?”
heeseung’s eyes flickered from jake to you, and for a brief second, you saw something in them—something sharp and raw.
he shook his head, his expression unreadable. “no,” he muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “just passing by.”
you bit the inside of your cheek, unsure of what to say.
there was an awkwardness in the air, a tension that hadn’t been there before, and you couldn’t help but feel like something unspoken was simmering beneath the surface.
but before you could figure out what it was, heeseung turned and walked away without another word, leaving you and jake in a strange, uncomfortable silence.
jake sighed, running a hand through his hair. “heeseung sure knows how to kill a vibe, huh?”
you tried to laugh, but it came out weak and forced. “yeah…”
but your mind was already elsewhere—on the look in heeseung’s eyes, the way his shoulders had tensed when he saw you and jake laughing together.
heeseung had never been one to back down from anything, but now it seemed like he was avoiding you.
and it didn’t make sense—one minute, he was pushing your buttons, flirting with you through the window, and the next, he was… distant. cold.
you couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted between you two, and you didn’t know how to fix it.
worse, you didn’t even know if you wanted to.
that night, as you sat at your desk pretending to study, you caught a flicker of movement outside your window.
your heart skipped a beat, and before you could stop yourself, you glanced over to see heeseung’s figure illuminated in the soft glow of his desk lamp.
your eyes locked for a moment.
then, heeseung did something that took you completely by surprise.
he reached down, grabbed something from the floor, and with a flick of his wrist, tossed a small rock at your window.
it hit with a soft tap, not loud enough to startle you, but enough to catch your attention.
you hesitated, unsure of what he wanted.
heeseung hadn’t thrown rocks at your window since you were kids, back when your rivalry was less serious and more playful— back when you could actually call lee heeseung one of your best friends.
now, the gesture felt strange—almost nostalgic in a way that made your chest tighten.
still, you couldn’t ignore him—you pushed the window up, letting in the cool evening air, and leaned out slightly, your voice low as you called over to him.
“what do you want?”
heeseung’s face was mostly in shadow, but you could see the tension in his jaw, the way his fingers gripped the edge of his window as if he was holding something back.
“i need to talk to you,” he said, his voice quieter than you expected. “now.”
you frowned, your heartbeat quickening. “about what?”
“just open your window,” he muttered, his voice strained. there was something different in his tone—something vulnerable, almost desperate.
it wasn’t like the confident, cocky heeseung you knew. and that was what made you hesitate.
but after a long pause, you sighed and opened the window a little wider, waiting for whatever he had to say.
you stood at your window, the cool night air brushing against your skin, as heeseung’s figure shifted in his room across from yours.
he was still gripping the windowsill, his posture stiff and tense.
the silence between you stretched, uncomfortable and heavy, until finally, you couldn’t take it anymore.
“what do you want, heeseung?” you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.
the wound from the cafeteria incident was still fresh, the memory of him siding with haerin burning in your chest.
for a second, heeseung didn’t respond, his lips pressed into a thin line, his jaw clenched tight as if he was struggling with what to say.
then, finally, he let out a long breath, and his shoulders slumped, just a little.
“why are you hanging out with jake?” he asked, his voice low and strained.
you blinked, caught off guard by the question. “what?”
heeseung’s hand ran through his hair in frustration.
“jake. you’ve been hanging out with him a lot lately. laughing with him, spending time with him…” his voice trailed off, and when his eyes met yours again, there was a flash of something vulnerable in them—something you hadn’t seen before. “why him?”
anger flared inside you—after everything that had happened, after he had humiliated you in front of everyone, this was what he cared about? who you were spending time with?
“why does it matter?” you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest. “what, you’re allowed to spend all your time with haerin, but i can’t hang out with jake?”
heeseung winced at the mention of haerin, but he didn’t back down.
“that’s not what this is about—“
“then what is it about?” you shot back, your voice rising with frustration. “because from where i’m standing, it seems like you’re just jealous.”
heeseung’s eyes widened slightly, like he hadn’t expected you to say it out loud. “jealous? of jake?”
“yeah,” you said, glaring at him. “you have no right to question who i spend time with. especially after what you did.”
his brows furrowed in confusion. “what are you talking about?”
“the cafeteria, heeseung!” you practically shouted, the hurt finally spilling over.
“you took haerin’s side, you embarrassed me in front of everyone, and you didn’t even bother to hear me out! and now, you’re mad because i’ve been hanging out with jake? after you made it pretty clear you don’t care about me at all?”
the words came out harsher than you intended, but once they were out, there was no taking them back.
the raw truth of how much heeseung had hurt you was now laid bare between the two of you, hanging in the air like a thick fog.
heeseung’s expression crumpled. for a moment, he looked utterly lost, his eyes wide with regret and something close to panic.
“i—” he opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.
his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard, his eyes darting away from yours. “i didn’t know. i didn’t realize…”
you let out a bitter laugh, tears prickling at the corners of your eyes.
“of course you didn’t heeseung, you’ve been too busy with haerin to notice.”
heeseung’s face twisted with frustration. “it’s not like that with her.”
“really? because it sure seems like it.” your voice was trembling now, the emotional weight of everything threatening to crush you.
“you’re always with her. you don’t even look at me anymore. and when you did have the chance to stand up for me, you didn’t. you humiliated me, heeseung. and you didn’t care.”
the words hit him like a slap. you could see it in the way his eyes widened, how his hands balled into fists at his sides.
heeseung took a step closer to the window, his voice quieter now, almost pleading. “you think i didn’t care?”
you stayed silent, your heart pounding in your chest.
heeseung’s jaw clenched, and then, in a voice barely above a whisper, he said, “i’ve been an idiot. i know that now.” his eyes were locked on yours, and for the first time, you could see the depth of his regret.
“you’re right. i didn’t stand up for you, and i should have. i hurt you, and i hate that i did. but it’s because…”
he hesitated, the words catching in his throat.
“it’s because i’ve been trying so hard to ignore how i feel about you,” he finally confessed, his voice thick with anxiety.
“i’ve spent so long thinking of you as my friend—then my rival and enemy, as someone i had to beat, that i didn’t realize… i didn’t want to admit that it was more than that.”
your breath caught in your throat.
“i’ve been feeling odd—weird around you for a long time,” heeseung continued, his voice cracking slightly.
“but i didn’t know how to deal with it. i pushed you away, acted like a jerk because i was scared. and then haerin showed up, and i thought if i focused on her, maybe i could forget about you—get rid of this feeling, but i couldn’t.”
tears welled up in your eyes, and you blinked them away, refusing to let them fall.
you wanted to be angry, wanted to hold on to that hurt and betrayal, but hearing heeseung’s voice crack with vulnerability made it harder.
his words, the way he looked at you, made you feel things you had been trying to deny for so long.
“but why didn’t you defend me?” you asked, your voice breaking.
heeseung’s expression crumpled. “i don’t know,” he whispered. “i was stupid. i thought if i stayed out of it, it would just go away. but it didn’t. and now i’ve ruined everything.”
you stared at him for a long moment, your heart aching with the weight of it all.
heeseung was standing there, tears welling in his own eyes, and for the first time in all the years you’d known him, he looked completely vulnerable.
“i don’t know if i can forgive you,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “not right now.”
heeseung nodded, his lips pressed tightly together as he swallowed hard.
“i understand,” he said softly. “but please… don’t shut me out.”
without another word, you shut your window, turning your back on him and collapsing onto your bed, emotions swirling inside you.
even though you had closed the window on him, part of you still wanted to reach out.
the next morning, you woke up feeling emotionally drained.
the conversation with heeseung played over and over in your mind like a broken record player, his voice echoing in your head, repeating those words.
“i’ve liked you for a long time.”—you had wanted to be angry, to stay angry, but now, all you felt was confusion.
did it even matter? he’d hurt you, after all.
that should’ve been enough to keep the walls you’d built between the two of you intact.
but something inside you had softened at seeing him so vulnerable, so broken.
you’d seen a side of him you weren’t sure anyone else had ever seen.
as you made your way to school, you told yourself that things would go back to normal.
you’d ignore heeseung like you always did, keep your distance, and focus on the things that mattered—your studies, your friendship with jake, anything but heeseung.
but the moment you walked into the classroom, all of that went out the window.
there, sitting on your desk, was a small carton of strawberry milk—your favorite.
you stopped in your tracks, blinking in confusion—the bright pink carton stood out against the plain wooden surface of your desk, and for a moment, you thought it had to be some kind of mistake.
but then you saw it— a folded note tucked underneath the carton.
with cautious fingers, you reached for the note and unfolded it. the handwriting was familiar, neat and precise.
“i’m sorry.”
that was it—no explanation, no signature, but you didn’t need one.
you knew exactly who it was from. your heart gave an involuntary flutter, and you quickly stuffed the note into your bag before anyone could see it.
your eyes darted to heeseung’s seat across the room.
he was already there, sitting with his head resting on his hand, staring at the window as if he hadn’t just left a peace offering on your desk.
he didn’t look at you, didn’t acknowledge you, but you could feel the tension radiating off him, like he was waiting for you to react.
you bit your lip, unsure of what to do—you wanted to stay mad at him, wanted to cling to the hurt and anger from yesterday, but this… this small gesture of apology tugged at something deep inside you.
heeseung wasn’t one to apologize easily. you knew that. he was proud, stubborn, and always had to win. but this? this was different. it wasn’t much, but it was something.
before you could figure out how to feel about it, the bell rang, and the classroom began to fill with students.
you slid into your seat, trying to ignore the flutter in your chest as the day began.
over the next few days, it became a pattern.
every morning, when you arrived at school, there was something waiting for you on your desk—a carton of strawberry milk, a small packet of your favorite snacks, even a neatly folded handkerchief after gym class when you’d been sweating.
each gift came with the same simple note—“i’m sorry.”
it was starting to drive you crazy.
heeseung didn’t say a word to you during class, didn’t try to talk to you between periods, but his quiet gestures of apology were impossible to ignore.
the other students had started to notice too, whispering to each other whenever they saw the latest offering on your desk.
“what’s going on with you and heeseung?” mina asked one day at lunch, her eyebrows raised in suspicion. “he’s been acting so… weird lately.”
you shrugged, trying to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal. “i don’t know. he’s just… apologizing, i guess.”
mina’s eyes widened. “apologizing? for what?”
you hesitated, unsure of how much to tell her—mina didn’t know about the confrontation in the cafeteria, didn’t know how much heeseung’s words had hurt you.
and honestly, you didn’t feel like reliving it. so instead, you just sighed. “it’s complicated.”
mina gave you a look, clearly not satisfied with your vague answer, but thankfully she didn’t push it.
instead, she glanced over at jake, who had been sitting quietly beside you, picking at his food.
“what do you think about all this?” she asked, nudging him playfully. “you and heeseung have always been rivals too, right?”
jake glanced up, his expression thoughtful “yeah, we’re rivals on the court,” he said, his voice casual. “but i don’t really care about that. if he’s apologizing, maybe he’s finally realized he messed up.”
you looked over at jake, feeling a wave of gratitude for his support.
he had been there for you when you needed someone, and now, more than ever, you appreciated his calm, steady presence.
he didn’t make a big deal out of the situation, didn’t push you to confront heeseung before you were ready. he just… understood.
jake caught your eye and smiled, and for a moment, you felt a sense of calm wash over you.
but of course, that peace didn’t last long.
later that afternoon, as you were walking through the hall with jake, laughing at one of his dumb jokes, you felt someone grab your wrist.
you stopped, your laughter dying on your lips as you turned to see heeseung standing there, his grip firm but not painful.
his eyes were intense, his jaw set in determination.
“come with me,” he muttered, his voice low and urgent.
you blinked, confused. “what? where—”
“just… come on.” heeseung didn’t give you a chance to argue. he tugged you along, pulling you toward the stairwell that led up to the rooftop.
jake called after you, his voice tinged with concern, but you were already too far down the hall to stop.
your heart pounded in your chest as heeseung led you up the stairs, the quiet intensity of the moment making your head spin.
when you finally reached the rooftop, he let go of your wrist and turned to face you, his expression conflicted, like he didn’t know whether to yell or beg for your forgiveness.
“what are you doing, heeseung?” you asked, your voice shaky with confusion and anger.
“i need to talk to you,” he said, his voice quiet but desperate. “about everything.”
the rooftop was quiet, other than the soft rustling of the wind and the distant chatter of the school below.
you stood there, facing heeseung, your heart pounding in your chest.
the tension between the two of you was thick, and the silence stretched on, filled with the weight of everything unsaid.
“what are we doing here?” you demanded, your voice sharper than you intended.
you were still reeling from the suddenness of it all—one moment you’d been laughing with jake, and the next, heeseung was dragging you up here like something urgent was at stake.
heeseung ran a hand through his hair, frustration clear on his face.
“i needed to get you away from him,” he muttered, avoiding your gaze.
“from jake?” you asked in bewilderment, your anger flaring up again. “what does jake have to do with this?”
heeseung finally looked at you, his eyes dark and intense. “everything. he’s—he’s not the one you should be with.”
you stared at him, stunned. “excuse me? what gives you the right to say that?”
“i know,” heeseung said quickly, holding up his hands in a gesture that almost seemed like surrender.
“i know i don’t have the right. but i can’t stand watching you with him any longer.”
your chest tightened as his words hung in the air—you didn’t know what to say.
part of you wanted to snap back, to tell him that he had no business being jealous after what he did.
but the other part of you— the part that had been waiting for him to say something—was finally starting to understand.
heeseung’s voice softened, and he took a small step closer to you. “even if we’re enemies, even if we’ve always been rivals, i would never side with jake. i would never choose someone over you.”
you blinked, your mind racing. his words made no sense. “then why didn’t you defend me in the cafeteria?” your voice cracked, and you hated how vulnerable you sounded, but the hurt was still there, sharp and raw.
heeseung flinched at the question, his jaw tightening. “i told you— i don’t know,” he sighed, his voice barely above a whisper.
“it was stupid. i didn’t realize how much i was hurting you. and when i saw you with jake…”
he trailed off, his eyes searching yours, desperate for you to understand what he was struggling to say.
“when you saw me with jake, what?” you pushed, your voice quieter now, the anger fading away into something softer.
heeseung swallowed hard, his gaze never leaving yours.
“when i saw you with him, i realized how much i messed up. i realized that i was losing you, and i didn’t know what to do.” he took another step closer, his eyes filled with regret.
“i’ve been trying to ignore it for so long—these feelings i have for you. but i can’t anymore.”
your breath hitched at his confession, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to respond.
heeseung, the person you’d spent your entire life competing with, the person who had always been rude and cocky, was standing in front of you, confessing that he liked you?
“feelings?” you echoed, your voice barely audible.
heeseung nodded, his expression raw and vulnerable in a way you’d never seen before.
“yeah. i’ve liked you for a long time, but i didn’t know how to handle it. so i pushed you away. i made everything about our rivalry because i didn’t know what else to do.”
his words hit you like a wave, crashing over you and leaving you breathless.
you didn’t know how to process it, didn’t know how to reconcile the heeseung you’d always known with the one standing in front of you now, baring his soul.
“i hurt you,” heeseung continued, his voice trembling slightly. “and i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. but i can’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. i don’t want to be your rival anymore. i don’t want to lose you.”
you stared at him, your heart pounding, your mind racing with thoughts.
this was everything you’d been trying to ignore, everything you’d pushed aside because you didn’t want to acknowledge the feelings that had been building up between you.
but now, standing here, with heeseung looking at you like he was afraid you were going to slip away, you couldn’t deny it any longer.
“i…” your voice faltered, your throat tight with emotion. “you’re an idiot.”
heeseung blinked, startled. “what?”
“you’re an idiot,” you repeated, shaking your head as a small, incredulous laugh escaped your lips.
“you spent all this time pushing me away when you could have just told me the truth earlier.”
heeseung opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say anything, you closed the distance between you in one fast motion, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him down into a kiss.
for a second, heeseung froze, clearly shocked by your sudden move.
but then, he kissed you back, his hands coming up to gently cup your face.
the kiss was soft, slow at first, but it quickly deepened as all the tension between you melted away.
it was like everything you’d been holding back, all the unspoken words, all the bottled-up emotions, were finally being released in that moment.
heeseung’s lips were warm and gentle, and he kissed you like he’d been wanting to for a long time—slowly, sweetly, as if he didn’t want the moment to end.
your heart raced in your chest, your hands gripping the front of his shirt as you poured all of your frustration, confusion, and affection, into the kiss.
when you finally pulled away, breathless, you stared up at him, your cheeks flushed and your heart pounding.
heeseung’s eyes were wide with surprise, but there was a small, almost dazed smile tugging at his lips.
“i… i didn’t expect that,” he whispered, his voice shaky.
you smiled, feeling a strange sense of relief wash over you. “you’re such an idiot,” you said again, but this time, there was no bite to your words—just warmth.
heeseung let out a soft laugh, his eyes crinkling at the edges. “yeah,” he agreed, his voice thick with emotion. “i am.”
without thinking, you kissed him again, softer this time, more sure of yourself.
and as his arms wrapped around you, pulling you close, you realized that this was exactly where you were supposed to be.
the next day at school, everything felt different. it was subtle at first—a kind of quiet shift in the air that made you hyper-aware of heeseung’s presence the moment you walked into the classroom.
you weren’t used to this—the ease, the softness that seemed to have settled between you overnight.
after years of rivalry, the shift from enemies to something more felt almost surreal.
but then you saw him—heeseung sitting at his desk, already glancing over at you the second you stepped through the door.
his usual smirk was gone, replaced by a small, almost shy smile, and it sent a warm flutter through your chest.
you smiled back, the tension from the day before melting away as he held your gaze for just a moment longer than usual.
it was like the rivalry had evaporated overnight, leaving something softer in its place. and yet, the familiarity of your banter remained.
you slid into your seat, feeling a little lighter than you had in weeks.
there was no strawberry milk waiting on your desk this time, no snacks or apology notes, but the absence didn’t bother you.
the fact that heeseung had taken the time to talk to you, to open up the way he had, was more than enough.
still, you couldn’t help but notice that people were whispering.
it wasn’t loud or obvious, but every so often, you’d catch someone glancing your way, their eyebrows raised in curiosity.
mina, of course, was the first to bring it up.
“what’s going on with you and heeseung?” she asked as soon as you sat down for lunch.
her eyes were gleaming with excitement, clearly having picked up on the shift in dynamics. “you two are acting so different!”
you shrugged, trying to play it off as casually as you could. “we talked. that’s all.”
mina narrowed her eyes. “you talked? come on, you can’t tell me something didn’t happen. you guys have been enemies for, like, forever, and suddenly you’re all… smiley. it’s weird.”
you felt your cheeks heat up, and you looked down at your tray, trying to hide the small grin tugging at the corners of your lips. “it’s complicated.”
before mina could press you further, someone else slid into the seat next to you.
you didn’t even need to look up to know who it was—jake, with his usual easygoing smile and relaxed posture, leaned back in his chair as if he owned the place.
“so, you and heeseung, huh?” jake asked, his tone teasing.
you groaned, burying your face in your hands. “not you too.”
jake chuckled, nudging you with his elbow. “hey, i’m just happy for you. i mean, after everything that happened… well, it’s nice to see you smile again.”
you peeked at him from between your fingers, grateful for his kindness.
jake had been there for you when you needed someone, and you’d grown closer over the past few weeks.
but now, things were different, and while you appreciated his friendship, you couldn’t deny the new fluttering feeling that came with thinking about heeseung.
still, you couldn’t resist teasing jake a little. “you’re not jealous, are you?” you asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.
jake laughed, shaking his head. “nah, i could never compete with heeseung. that guy’s got it bad for you.”
the teasing tone in his voice made your cheeks flush, and you were about to reply when someone cleared their throat behind you.
you didn’t have to turn around to know who it was—the shift in the air—the quiet intensity—was unmistakable.
heeseung stood there, his gaze flickering between you and jake, his jaw clenched slightly as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“what’s going on here?” he asked, his voice casual but with an underlying edge of jealousy.
jake grinned up at him, completely unfazed by the tension. “just talking, man. relax.”
heeseung didn’t move, his eyes narrowing just a fraction. “right. well, we’ve got plans after school, don’t we?” his tone was directed at you now, and you couldn’t help but notice the slight possessiveness in his voice.
you blinked, caught off guard. “plans?”
heeseung’s lips quirked up into a small smile, his eyes locking onto yours with a look of softness that made your heart race. “yeah. walking home together, remember?”
you tried not to smile too widely, but it was impossible to hide the way your heart fluttered at his words.
jake, ever the instigator, raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.
“oh, so it’s like that now?” he teased, leaning back in his chair. “guess i’ll have to find someone else to walk home with.”
heeseung shot him a look that was almost a glare, though there was a playful glint in his eyes. “yeah, you will.”
you rolled your eyes, though a small giggle escaped your lips. “heeseung, you’re being ridiculous.”
heeseung leaned down, resting one hand on the back of your chair as he looked down at you with a grin.
“maybe,” he admitted, his voice softer now, “but i don’t like sharing.”
the possessiveness in his tone sent a shiver down your spine, but instead of feeling annoyed, you found it… oddly endearing.
you nudged him lightly. “you’re such a child.”
heeseung chuckled, the sound low and warm, before he straightened up, glancing once more at jake. “you’ll be fine without her, right?”
jake waved him off, laughing. “i’ll survive, don’t worry.”
just as you were about to stand up and leave with heeseung, a voice interrupted the playful atmosphere, slicing through the lightheartedness like a cold breeze.
“heeseung.”
you looked up to see haerin standing a few feet away, her expression unreadable, but there was something in her eyes that made your stomach twist.
she glanced between you and heeseung, her lips pressed into a thin line before she focused on him. “can we talk? alone.”
heeseung’s body tensed beside you, but instead of acknowledging her request, he tightened his grip on the back of your chair, his attention still fixed on you.
“no, i’m good,” heeseung said flatly, his tone leaving no room for argument.
haerin blinked, clearly not expecting the rejection. “i just wanted to—”
“i’m with someone right now,” heeseung cut her off, his voice firm but calm. “and i’d appreciate it if you left us alone.”
the sting of his words was evident in haerin’s eyes, but she didn’t argue.
after a moment, she let out a quiet scoff and walked away, her shoulders tense as she disappeared into the crowd.
you stared at heeseung, surprised by how easily he had brushed her off.
heeseung, who had spent so much time with her recently, was now acting like she didn’t even exist.
“was that necessary?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
heeseung shrugged, his expression softening as he looked at you. “what can i say? i’m done with all the games.”
you felt a warmth spread through your chest, and for a moment, you couldn’t help but smile.
the possessiveness, the way heeseung had stood by your side without hesitation—it all made you realize just how much had changed between you two.
as the day went on, the whispers and curious glances from your classmates only grew louder.
everyone seemed to be talking about you and heeseung, but you didn’t mind.
in fact, you kind of liked it. for once, the focus wasn’t on your rivalry—it was on something else, something sweeter.
at the end of the day, as promised, heeseung was waiting for you by the school gates.
you spotted him leaning casually against the fence, his hands stuffed in his pockets, but the moment he saw you, his face lit up with that soft smile that made your heart race.
“ready to go?” he asked, falling into step beside you as you started walking together.
you nodded, glancing up at him. “you know everyone’s talking about us, right?”
heeseung chuckled, shrugging. “let them talk.”
you rolled your eyes, but there was a lightness to your steps as you walked side by side.
it felt easy, natural—like this was how things were always supposed to be.
and for the first time in a long time, the space between you and heeseung wasn’t filled with tension or competition.
it was filled with something warmer, something that made your heart feel full.
as you walked, you noticed heeseung’s hand brush against yours, and before you could stop yourself, you reached out and intertwined your fingers with his.
heeseung glanced down at your hands, a look of surprise crossing his face before his smile widened, his grip tightening around yours.
neither of you said anything for a few minutes, just enjoying the silence and the feeling of walking together.
but eventually, you cleared your throat, glancing up at him with a teasing smile.
“so… are we, like, official now?”
heeseung slowed his pace, looking down at you with an amused grin. “official?”
“you know what i mean,” you said, nudging him lightly with your shoulder. “boyfriend and girlfriend.”
heeseung’s expression softened at your words, and he stopped walking, turning to face you fully.
he gently cupped your face with one hand, his thumb brushing lightly over your cheek.
“yeah,” he whispered, his voice barely above a murmur. “i want us to be official. if you do, too.”
your heart swelled at the tenderness in his eyes, and you felt a soft smile spread across your lips. “i do.”
heeseung’s eyes sparkled with something like relief and joy, and before you could say anything else, he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours in a soft, lingering kiss.
it was slow, gentle, and filled with all the unspoken promises of this new chapter you were beginning together.
when he pulled back, you were both smiling, a quiet warmth settling between you.
“good,” heeseung murmured, pressing his forehead against yours. “because i’m not letting you go.”
you laughed softly, your heart feeling lighter than it had in ages. “i’m not going anywhere.”
with that, the two of you continued walking home, hand in hand, your steps perfectly in sync.
and as the sun shimmered down lower in the sky, you knew that this was the start of something beautiful—something that had been building for far longer than either of you had realized.
heeseung was no longer just your rival—he was your boyfriend.
and honestly? it felt perfect.
© won4kiss 2024
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